#but i think it can also apply to other things like. idk irl friendships or whatever

[pakekajeka]

Unresolved platonic tension - we're more than just strangers, but something less than friends. Maybe you think of me as just some guy but I think you're pretty cool. Maybe we could be friends someday? I would've loved to love you. Deep down I know that you also feel a little more relaxed than you should with a "stranger", as me and you pretend to not notice it. Maybe I also get to know you a little more than I should, notice too many little things about an acquaintance. But you won't reciprocate my platonic wishes and so I'll pull away from our 5 ft distance. And we'll get back to our usual lives, nothing changed, "us" becoming just a fleeting dream

[hunter-sylvester]

How do you feel about people shipping Kevin, Hunter, and Emily together? Like a polyamorous relationship.

Hey, Anon 🤘

I won't lie, Polyflower is not for me. (Polyflower = Kevin/Hunter/Emily as a couple. At least that's what I've seen some people call it and it made sense to me so it's what I call it too.)

As for how I feel about other people shipping it? I don't really care. I would never want to tell other people what they can and cannot ship. It's all live and let live as far as I'm concerned.

It's also not as much of an "ick" for me as some things are, but I do tend to avoid fics that have polyflower in them because I just don't personally enjoy it.

I wouldn't typically focus on the stuff I don't like but since you asked I'll briefly mention where my hangups are.

I do want to stress that this is all my personal hangups/opinion. I am not trying to shit on what anybody else likes.

So there's mainly two points where it misses for me.

Point 1: I don't see the attraction between Hunter & Emily. At all. I tend to hc him as gay but even if I hc him as multisexual in some way, I just can't see it working with Emily. (I know the ship is about all 3 of them but the Hunter/Emily part is where I have the issue if that makes sense. Like regardless of Kevin, I can't see the other two being into each other.)

I think I've seen some people point to this moment as showing there being something from Hunter towards Emily:

Which like...I almost get it but not quite?? It could just be my bias because I see it in his eyes when he looks at Kevin but here I just ultimately do not. I think he's looking at her like: "damn, she looks badass." And she does. She looks cool. In my opinion he's impressed by her but not like...swooning or anything, you know?

Altho don't get me started on people interpreting THIS look as attraction. I do think that's a little silly, personally. He's got nothing but contempt in his eyes here imo

Boy is grinding his teeth in quiet disdain. We can see the start of a fucking sneer. The camera cuts to Emily and when it cuts back to Hunter THIS is the face he's making:

Like idk about other people but that's not a look I'd give someone I'm in any way into.

But even if we put what Hunter would want aside...I can't see Emily being into him either?? It just doesn't mesh for me. Not in that way at least.

Like I can see them being close, for sure. Some of the WIPs I'm working on involve more of Hunter & Emily's friendship post-canon, like more stuff about them all as a band. And I can see them having a relationship that is close and involves like hugging and stuff like the occasional forehead kiss or something but it'd never be romantic to me.

It fundamentally just doesn't click for me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Point 2: This is the one I really don't want anyone to misunderstand. Because it is not in any way something that applies to my thoughts or feelings on what anyone else does in their real life. Like when I say something doesn't appeal to me or I don't 'get' it, that's just a personal thing. It doesn't mean I think it's in any way bad or silly or whatever. IRL or in fandom. This is just my personal preference.

Group-relationship style polyamory doesn't appeal to me.

Like, polyamory actually does appeal to me, but just not in that way?? I like the concept of having multiple 1 on 1 relationships at the same time if that makes sense??

But on a core personal level I don't get the appeal of 1 relationship consisting of 3+ people. I don't know WHY it doesn't click for me but it just doesn't.

So it doesn't really appeal to me to read or write about it either.

TL;DR: While it's definitely not for me, I really don't care if other people like it & ship it. We all like what we like and don't what we don't. It's just not something I've really been interested in exploring myself.

Thank you for asking, Anon 🤘

[golbrocklovely]

Yk what I wonder (don’t mind me, it’s late and i am crazy) how many people who ship snc together or shipped brolby in the past would actually go mad crazy and turned out to be actual homophobic piece of shts if snc would ever come out (i am not saying they are not straight, i am saying hypothetically speaking… like a scenario that never will happen).

Ik most of the people do it for simple fun and they do not really mean it, but there are still people who mean it and i wonder… if they genuinely would support snc if they ever would say smth “hey yk i am actually kinda into guys” or they only like idea of sam AND colby (if you get what i am saying). Or how many of them are actually homophobic people who just find snc hot and the idea of them tght just seems hot to them, but irl they despise couples like this? Idk if that makes sense, but ik people like this exist, who be like shipping two men tght, but then would bash one of them if they actually turns out gay….

Ok, i know those are out of nobody knows where, but it’s past midnight here and i just decided to share this little crazy thought here (probably gonna regret it tomorrow) and sorry for bringing up the Voldemort name in snc fandom.

i get what you're saying, anon. i'll be honest tho, idk the answer to that question lol

(this became such a rambling mess good god lol read at your own risk)

as someone that has talked to a lot of fans over the years, both anon and not, there is a good chunk of ppl that genuinely believe that at the very least colby is bi in some capacity. whether those ppl admit it publicly or not is a different story. personally i think he's straight bc he himself says he is, but if he for some reason came out and said he was also into guys, i wouldn't care/wouldn't be surprised. sam would be a bit surprising tbh lol

but the question of "do fans ship snc together, or would they hate them being gay if they were not with one another" is a good one to ask. i think it's a bit of a mix bag. definitely i do think there would be fans that would not be into it whatsoever. and i do think certain fans would be happy knowing they were together. but i think the ones that would hate them being gay with other men are the ones that have always given me the ick. bc they don't see gay online men (like influencers or actors or whatever) as actual ppl, just characters.

bc there is something to be said about groups of women online being obsessed with gay men/male friendships and shipping them together. the dan-and-philification of certain male friend groups is an interesting one to observe (tho, dnp may not be the best example of that since they are both gay and possibly together idk about that tho so don't quote me). i'll say it this way, as someone who is bi but claimed to be straight for a long time - i always find it a little bit worrisome when i look at a straight woman and see that she is obsessed with a gay male couple. it reads as a fetish, it reads as a weird sexual thing in some way to me no matter what. i can't explain why it feels that way, but it always had. now granted, maybe some of those women are secretly queer in their own way and being into a gay couple is just their way of connecting to their own identity. that's a possibility for sure. but there are plenty of straight women, ones that are 100% straight, that are just way too into gay guys.

i'll be honest, i've had this thought for a long time, but i haven't fleshed it out fully, so i'm sorry if this is all over the place. and i do think some of this can also apply to male fans/nb fans, but i've seen this happen a lot when it comes to a popular guy who's friends with another guy and the fandom as a whole is predominantly women. for some reason, they will get shipped together like crazy and the idea that they aren't into one another is just not accepted.

i do think some of this happens bc parasocial relationships make certain fans see these real ppl as characters and bc of that, they ship them like they would characters on a show. and all of this happens without them taking into account how these guys would actually feel or what they would want.

as for snc, i think most of the fandom would be fine with them being gay if they came out and said they were. i think a lot more would be accepting if they came out and said they were dating, weirdly enough. i've joked with friends on here a bunch that sam is really the only person everyone seems to agree on colby dating, and vice versa.

but i do think weirdly, bc so many fans kinda see snc as characters, that's why they get upset when they do go out and date women that aren't those the fandom has "agreed" upon. that's why there was so much vitriol for katelyn and malia. they were two randos we knew nothing about and had no choice in choosing. how dare snc decide for themselves ! how dare colby date outside the holy trinity ! how dare sam move on from the best gf he'll ever have kat !

okay, i feel like i've rambled enough. sorry if i didn't answer your question, but like i said in the beginning - it's a good one to ask. i'm just not sure if there is a clear cut answer to it.

[rookmeo]

hello rook! i need some advice from someone who uses neopronouns and hope to know your opinion

i have a moot who only understands very basic english and never communicates with the english side of any fandoms or in general, just their native language. recently, she's getting bombarded and targeted by someone (we dk if it's one person or a group of them) who keeps pestering her about neopronouns because my friend once posted about being extremely confused when she stumbled upon someone who uses kitty/kittyself especially when the translation to her native doesn't makes sense at all

im the only english speaking moot of hers but im not knowledgeable about neopronouns so she decided to make some research about it. an hour later, she told me that it's the most confusing thing she's ever heard, even worse than trans and intersex

in her native, there's only one pronoun used for everyone and its spelt and pronounced the same. she does know that there's she/her, he/him, they/them, and it in english, but she doesn't understand why someone would want to custom make their own pronouns when they could've just use they/them. she couldn't imagine using those irl

as mentioned before, idk anything about neopronouns, so idk what advice to give her

i don't think she's trying to be mean or anything, she's just genuinely confused on what is this new stuff she accidentally stumbled upon, but i don't think this justifies that person/group to target her for not understanding english and what's going on in a specific group of the lgbt community

as someone who uses neopronouns, what would u tell her? what are your thoughts on people who couldn't understand neopronouns, would u force them to use it regardless or break your friendship?

Haha sorry this took a while to answer anon! I got busy and stuff but ill try to answer this as best as i can 👍

To me when it comes to using neoponouns, a part of it is me seeing pronouns in general as a part of my gender presentation. I see myself as a girl and a boy at the same time yet use he/him or prefer to be referred to with masculine terms because its more comfortable to me. Its how i present my own gender.

This applies to my neopronouns as well. Gender itself is a performance to me which is why i use neopronouns along side with he/him. It's like a stage persona i guess? Not all people who use neos are the same of course.

I could see where your friend is coming from though, my native language, filipino, also has like a general pronoun to refer to others (siya) which is gender neutral.

I honestly don't mind if people don't use my neos on me if they find it difficult but if they don't use it simply because they find it ridiculous or weird then maybe i would be a little hurt. It's all about intent really. However if i would exclusivrly use neos then I'd honestly be a little miffed. I'd like for people to play along with my presentation and all. Sorry if this didnt make sense 😭 i just started rambling because guess what i just like talking abiut myself lol

[stars-in-a-jam-jar]

So like. Functionally. The concept of Media Literacy is the ability to, with some level of proficiency, comprehend and interpret a text; not just as in being able to read the words and process the structure of the sentences, but to derive an underlying ethos from that text. It's the difference between 'I like Ritz and other salty snacks' and 'Lotta nuance to a Ritz cracker if you really pay attention'.

I think at the core of people saying media literacy is dead is the attitude amongst a slowly growing (or at least slowly growing louder) contingent of people attempting media analysis who try and Come To The Correct Conclusion and the way that attitude clashes against Most Other Things. The people saying they know the one thing this art is Actually saying and Actually about say people are either foolishly blind to or willfully ignoring The Important Parts, so they say media literacy is dying. The complex soup of people who think those people are being ridiculous for one reason or another say those guys aren't actually engaging with the text on its own terms, or under the lens it is meant to be seen, or with the proper amount of grace and good faith, or any other way to criticize someone's approach to media analysis. So they also say media literacy is dying.

This further clashes against casual enjoyers who only consciously know their own personal tastes and intuitively vibe check pieces of media based on what those tastes are. Either you own being a casual enjoyer of a thing and chafe at all the people talking over your head about What's Actually Going On And What It's Actually About/Saying/Implying/Endorsing/Whatever, or you feel the need to be on the same level as everyone else and try to articulate and justify intuitive vibes-based things inside yourself using the only language available to you, which is often other people on the internet. This is a bonkers unreliable way to develop and articulate an argument, opinion, or interpretation about anything. Like, example, I initially got as interested in media analysis as I did when I was a middle schooler because I watched Friendship is Magic and there was a very active community of randoms making videos about it on YouTube. Most of them were doing high school freshman levels of analysis on these pony cartoons for elementary schoolers, which was incredibly convenient for me, a 7th grader with a lot of expendable energy, because it felt novel and challenging without being inaccessible to hear words like 'continuity' and 'character development' and 'metaphor' getting thrown around and broken down. However, it is important to note, I was Also paying a lot of attention in my PreAP English classes IRL. I graduated highschool with a college freshman level of English literature education and media literacy, at least according to them institutions what say who's smart and who's smartn't.

If I was dismissing my English classes out of hand because I figured 'I have other plans for my life, I don't need to dig into this gay little book about boys at a boarding school.' (Go read A Separate Peace) 'What was the takeaway from Lord of the Flies? People are weird and do bad stuff to one another, idk.' 'Why are we reading Shakespeare? Romeo and Juliet is depressing and I don't care about any of the other ones.' If I'd decided not to expend the energy becoming excellent at media analysis, I'd still be at that level I was in the 7th grade, kind of understanding that character development is important and things *can* mean other things and reference older stuff like myths or historical events, but not having a backlog of experience and texts I've paid close attention to which I can then apply to this random weird indie game or that shakily executed anime or that Really Visceral black humor podcast.

So basically what I'm saying is it boils down to a combination of too many people talking, too many people talking past eachother, and a lot of really underqualified analysts attempting to participate and muddying the waters.

"Media Literacy"

I know it is a problem, but everytime I hear someone say "Media Literacy is dead", I just hear someone saying "I'm so much smarter than these idiots!", like they themselves already know everything about how media literacy works, have never had an uninformed or biased take and that stories have ONE WAY they can ever be read or experienced or understood.

But maybe I'm misunderstanding the trend, so let's get this out: when people say there is a media literacy crisis, what EXACTLY do you mean?

[troglobite]

laskdjflaskdjf

retroactively caveating this: if we're mostly/p much only internet friends, the dynamic is so entirely different that none of this really applies. i'm talking ppl i've known almost my whole life, and/or ppl i know irl and would be meeting w in person if not for ongoing covid.

------

sitting here thinking

realizing some things

previously it felt like the tiny number of friends i had/have were only ever interested in using me for their needs and purposes

previous friend group was always talking about everyone else's problems--for hours, days, weeks on end. nothing ever changing.

when i brought my stuff up it halted the entire conversation

i would complain and get nothing in response.

someone else in the group would, out of the blue, make a big request or set a big boundary and it was no problem

but my small requests, discomforts, and boundaries were always treated as Too Much.

and previously i've always thought--it's partly my fault, partly the fault of all friends i've had, that friends always relied on me and sought my advice and instruction and wanted me to do things for them, but didn't ever want to do things for me.

but i'm also realizing now--

well i mean i sort of have always known as well, but in general people. don't take an interest in the things i'm interested in. they don't want to hear about it or listen to me talk abt it.

my mom is the only person who puts up with my infodumping, and she does her Mom's Best. most of the time i don't feel awful. when i try to stop talking bc i feel annoying sometimes she'll ask a question to keep me talking.

haha okay i'm just crying now??? idk.

anyway. it's nice. i still feel deeply annoying. and it's not bc she treats me that way in those moments, it's bc i know she's not truly interested, and also bc at other times, when she's angry or hurt or triggered by something, her resentment towards me comes out. and so when she's being nice abt my special interests and infodumping, i guess part of me is like. she's being nice, but she's just being nice. bc she loves me and cares abt me. but it is. a kind of emotional chore.

so anyway there's that detour.

point being all those posts online "i love when people infodump at me i love seeing how happy and excited they are i love learning new things"

WHERE ARE YOU FUCKING PEOPLE?! I'VE NEVER MET ONE OF YOU. EVER. IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

okay another detour over, sorry.

i'm just now thinking. about friends and friendship again.

i get mad when i can help someone and they don't tell me or ask me. or they don't even give me a chance.

i get MAD. i get so panicked and hurt and upset and confused. idk how to describe the feeling. it's. Big.

it's just Big and Loud and Intense.

when i can help someone and they don't let me know they need help, or they refuse my help when i offer, or they don't ask and i have to come in media res to help out after they've already hurt themselves or overextended themselves, when i could be there for someone and they don't reach out.

i get. That Really Big Feeling. and it's bad and i don't like it.

and i'm frustrated and thinking bc like. part of me is someone who can't handle not being able to help people.

i am disabled and poor and my various abilities are very limited. i cannot do a lot of things that would help a lot of people.

it crushes me. i don't like that feeling. nobody does.

and i care so so so deeply abt the ppl i love.

and--

and we're back to this bit where i don't allow myself to get invested in friends and relationships bc again, i've always been Too Much for ppl.

if i msg too often, ask too many things, open up too much, want to hang out too often, want to share everything w them and be close and. it's Too Much.

and being a queer kid, i couldn't be clingy and huggy w my friends bc it was seen as creepy and gay.

i just. didn't get to hug anyone v much. i had to hide and suppress a lot of my affection. both bc i'm queer and autistic, so it always read as Too Much and Weird.

and it's just very weird to go through life most of the time feeling next to nothing abt other people. bc i've shut that off. and if i turned it on and allowed myself to feel i'd just be a mess, constantly, all the time.

bc if i feel those things then it makes it even harder to deal with what got me Thinking in the first place--

that i'm not a priority in any of my friends' lives.

and it's weird and shitty this time bc now, for several months, i am not even the person that any of them turn to first for help.

so my ONE way to be in contact w friends & feel helpful? is not available to me bc i am not a priority--and i'm not in their list of first responders.

i am not number one. i am not anywhere in the top five.

i'm someone they occasionally think about. or only think about in a certain capacity.

mainly, rn, their DM. or the person who offers compliments. or the person who spams the discord like an annoying bastard w stupid things that no one gives a single solitary FUCK about, and so they ignore.

so it's the double whammy

i don't even get to FEEL something about them ~only using me for advice and support~ and never engaging w my interests or offering to support me

bc they're not even asking me for advice or support

and i'm just realizing how little i matter

and how many other people they have who are more immediate, more important, closer to them--who they just plain like more

and i have no way of finding any other friends

and i'm sort of spiraling

i thought i had. The Friend Group. like i was set. i was so excited and--looking back. ha.

part of what began to drive the stake between us was my Too Muchness.

apart from some red flags i was ignoring, it seemed like we were all in for each other. there were so many things we wanted to do! plans we were making!

we went on a vacation together, which was HUGE for me, w my overwhelming fear of road trips (hard to explain, not what immediately comes to mind), general anxiety abt being away from home, and lack of Comfort around ppl other than my mom. and i thought it went really well! it seemed like it!

but then i went to grad school and they thought i was an elitist traitor or something? that i thought i was better than them? i literally don't know bc they never told me or admitted to any of their actions or feelings so i've been left to guesswork to fill in the blanks.

but the other part of it was--

i so wanted. to do all those things with them. they were a top priority for me. they were involved in the way i was planning literally the future, years out ahead in my life. that's how i was thinking abt my future. with them in it.

and i just remember one time we went out to eat (which they forced me to do even though i fucking hated it and just wanted to hang out with them and not spend money or be around other loud people) and at that time they revealed that they had plans to move in together (three of them) and they hadn't told me but they'd told the friend in virginia.

they talked abt being concerned abt that friend in virginia--but not me, off in minnesota.

and they mentioned a summer vacation. and i said oh wow that sounds awesome, i love that place. do you think we could do another trip like last time? would that be possible? or maybe just one like it some other time?

and i was so excited and enthused abt it. ME! EXCITED ABT VACATIONING W PEOPLE OTHER THAN MY FAMILY!

and looking back i can see how offput they were (mainly one of them) w that suggestion. they found it distasteful and were humoring me.

of course, covid hit and everything fell apart, so it never happened. lucky them. they went on many trips together after that. i know bc i haven't unfollowed or blocked all of them on social media. they're not often on it so it doesn't matter too much.

but they've posted abt their other trips together.

including one BEFORE i had "left the group" that they just. didn't tell or ask me about.

but i was Too Much for them.

despite everything--despite putting up with their treatment of me and not even noticing it was wrong or bad--i was so excited to just spend more time w them and build my future plans involving and around them.

and even though THEY were the ones that started it...

me doing it was Too Much.

and now i have this group

and the group has splintered bc three of them roomed together and it went Very Weird

and now there's literal hatred and animosity btwn a couple of them

which has meant that for the first few miss frizzle games, all i got hanging w the ones i'm closer to afterwards was just an endless stream of angry complaints abt the other players--

even when i thought everything was fine and had gone well.

yes, even i get frustrated w those two players sometimes. but this last session went really well and the story's picking up and i'm excited for it. and i just--the things that have made me frustrated. i've gotten over. or i've said something in a funny way to make the complaint/dislike clear so we can laugh abt it and move on and it won't get repeated. and it's worked.

but i'm just.

it used to be that we could all chat in the discord sometimes

then that group fell apart

and then 3 of them were like "hey let's make our own server and hang out there"

and it was good for a while

and now it's radio silent, same as before

a few memes or tiktoks

but i'm the one in there most of the time

trying to start conversations and share things

and getting no response

and they're all going through shit, i know

but only loosely

because none of them fucking talk to me

i was called a best friend by one of them and now i'm not even on the list of ppl to inform abt her life. to complain to. to chat w. for months now.

and honestly i'm just so sad and tired and lonely over never having any responses to anything i put in the discord that i just--

i know they're all tired and overwhelmed. i know.

so i don't reach out asking abt that stuff.

if they wanted to complain to me or get my support, they would ask.

and i know that bc that's how it's been in the past.

but they're all in their own spaces and places w their own ppl who are. more enmeshed in their lives. more important. more everything.

and i'm just the annoying shithead who's like 5-6 years older than them just posting stupid shit in the discord for them to ignore.

and one of them bailed 15 mins before our miss frizzle game this past sunday, after having told me they could come and play. i also had set the expectation that ppl tell me if they can't make it w a few days' heads up, bc i need to be able to prepare. we could survive a couple ppl missing a class/game session here or there, it would be okay. and obviously shit happens last minute, so that's fine.

and i absolutely understand that they're going through the Pits of Depression Hell, rn.

but i only get it vaguely bc they don't talk to me. i am not an important or close friend.

i'm not saying that to insult them or myself. it's just true. i am not an important or close friend, for them.

but i asked them--on the off chance--if they might want to sit in on the session, since this "class" was going to be two gaming sessions, and if they could make it to the next one, i'd want them to know what was going on or lemme know any choices they made.

and i said either way, we'd just retcon that their character was there, no problem.

their response sounded. so fucking mad at me. "god i'm fucking sorry i went back to sleep. he's [the PC] basically plant life it's fine"

i didn't say

"hey fuck you for not showing up"

i asked if they'd wanna sit in the group and observe

partly bc sometimes sleeping curled up in a depression pit makes things worse, and partly just so it was easier for them to rejoin in the next session.

bc like. reading an entire game session summary is also a lot. and these players. have a hard time reading ANYTHING i send them. they do it. they manage it. just enough. oddly, the players i anticipated having the most trouble w that are the ones doing the best--my expectations have been flipped.

but i figured sitting in the zoom room might be vaguely entertaining background noise (w camera & mic off!) and they could pick up next session easier, and maybe being around ppl they generally like would be a little bit of a pickmeup.

but instead my question/offer was seen as. angry? needling? judgmental? idfk.

my response was me pretending nothing was wrong bc they had voiced nothing to indicate that anything WAS wrong, and i'm having to work on not interpreting things from ppl when they haven't communicated anything to me. if someone is upset w me or if i hurt them, they HAVE TO TELL ME or i cannot do anything abt it. it's not fair to either of us to expect me to psychically divine every time something is wrong.

and they responded in kind.

but i'm just like.

what the fuck?

you don't talk to me. you don't respond to anything i say. you said, before this campaign ever began, that you "just want a campaign that actually happens"

and then 15 mins before the game you bail--when i have to calculate and balance encounters for a certain number of players AHEAD OF TIME. when i have to spent a lot of time preparing roleplay scenes and information to give your character.

so i'm kind of scrambling, yeah, and hoping that maybe you'll sit in on the session--NOT PLAY! NOT TALK! NOT ANYTHING TO DO WITH PARTICIPATING AT ALL SOCIALLY OR IN THE GAME!--so that it's easier for BOTH OF US to prepare for the next session

because now i have to type up a whole game summary to fill them in on what they missed

assuming, of course, that they don't bail on the next game 15 mins beforehand

i just. i understand that things happened.

but i quite literally went into the discord w just the 3 of them who were like "let's all be friends in here!" and then proceeded to fucking ignore me

and i said basically--

'hey what's the vibe? how are y'all feeling abt the campaign and playing in it, rn? bc i'd be fine hitting pause until y'all felt more ready to participate. we could do oneshots and jackbox game sessions, instead, for a few weeks or a couple months, and then jump right back in. bc i have this campaign literally outlined through to the end, so we WILL complete it. we're NOT bailing on it. lol but we could hit pause if need be. bc this game is a lot of work, and i want y'all to be there in such a way that you can enjoy it. i don't want y'all to miss out or not be present mind-wise. so if we need to hit pause, let's do that.'

and to be clear, no one had communicated ANYTHING to me.

but that was sort of the point.

radio silence.

how am i supposed to interpret that? what am i supposed to do with that, except infer that i should ask them how things are going?

they won't talk to me about their lives, maybe they'll fucking talk to me about this game that THEY wanted to happen. that THEY are invested in. that THEY requested have a large, overarching story and lots of roleplay.

no one directly engaged w anything i said. they both responded abt the upcoming game, and that was it. said they'd check in by friday.

i had to remind them and ask explicitly to get a response friday at like 5 fucking pm

and if that doesn't say it all abt where their priorities are right now

which--

WOULD BE FUCKING FINE

IF THEY WOULD JUST FUCKING TALK TO ME

but they don't and won't.

and here i sit capable of only feeling so many emotions.

if they're (the one who responded as such above) mad at me for being too "businesslike" abt the game, despite me not being a dick abt it and saying it was fine either way, then i'm sorry

but maybe try actually fucking talking to me AT ALL abt ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE GAME so that way it actually feels like maybe we're friends

instead of me being an unpaid DM doing a LOT of fucking work for a group of people who don't particularly care abt me or my wellbeing or the work i'm putting in

and who have lives and friends and family and other shit that's infinitely more important than me

and to circle back around, part of the reason i was so. baffled and confused--and i didn't even have the space or capacity to process and feel that at first--by the angry response to my offer/question

is because

if it's that bad

why are you isolating away from me?

i can't DO anything for you if you don't talk to me! if you don't fucking say anything!

i'm trying to reach out these stupid little branches for fun little moments of conversation and goofiness and what have you

and just. no takers. no response. no nothing.

and idk what their life is like bc they don't talk to me.

none of the three really talk to me.

and forget the other three players, i NEVER talk to them. i am just someone who DMs for them.

they don't ask abt my life or anything. we don't talk abt it.

i don't have a friend group.

i have a group of people, half of whom claim that i am their friend and do nothing to demonstrate it, that i DM for and work my ass of for, and i get nothing in return.

i just wanted them to have fun.

and this last session went so well

but that's it. that's all the time i have to talk to these ppl.

my requests that we hang out more--forgotten for weeks, so i don't bring it up again. bc i have ALWAYS been the one asking.

only to find out, every time throughout my life, that they were all hanging out without me anyway. that i'm just annoying.

i'm Too Much. they don't like me. they don't want me.

and when they do, it's just for advice or support or to use me for something, like DMing.

that's it.

and when we talk abt the game i get excited bc i work so hard on it and i care abt it so much and this is my FIRST TIME EVER DMing for a longform campaign

i have so many hundreds of pages written, so many maps made, so many characters and plots and stories to keep track of

because they asked me to

an option for this campaign was for it to be a monster of the week type thing. no overarching plot. no outer worlds. just a new class each week, everything's fine, then the class ends, end of campaign.

but they wanted an overarching story. and i made it. really big. and, i hope, really cool. really interesting and exciting to try and figure out. something that they'll have fun pulling apart, that will be compelling when it's revealed--all of its itinerant pieces revealed and explained, one by one, over the course of the campaign.

and i just.

want friends.

period.

but also, friends with whom i can get really excited abt this campaign.

and i offered to pause the campaign so everyone could rejoin properly.

and so far the one who bailed 15 mins before--btw, going through diff med changes which are ALWAYS difficult, and didn't fucking think to tell me until i'd had to explicitly ask abt attendance and scheduling like a fucking pain in the ass HR manager or teacher scolding them--has said nothing abt it.

bc they just don't fucking talk to me.

but clearly they need the time as well

and what, they think that despite the fact that i have the entire campaign outlined, that i'll bail on it?

meanwhile the three i was worried abt bailing on the game are fully in, and the three who claimed to be completely in and want this most are not able to be in it, right now. and won't communicate that to me.

i mean to be fair it's really only two of them at the moment.

but now i'm just going down this whole again where i get worked up about the campaign.

but i'm just. realizing. that part of the anger and frustration--which i have to emphasize is not AT any of them--is bc.

they don't need/want me as a friend.

i am not important outside of the game.

and now the game is not even in their top 5 priorities--and i understand why.

but now it's like

they don't ask me for help or support

they don't care abt the things i say

they don't want to have fun conversations or times with me

and they can't be there for this game that i am working so fucking hard on for them

i am making this game for them.

it's really, REALLY hard for my brain to do this. i can't judge if i'm saying too much or not enough. if i'm making something disappointing and boring. i can't tell if they're actually enjoying it, or if the few of them who say "that was fun, thanks, beck!" are humoring me or if they really mean it.

i can't tell if this is exciting and cool. if they like the NPCs. if they like the other PCs and the roleplaying. if they see the mystery. if they're invested.

i can't tell.

and i get little hints that, maybe they are?

and so i worry i'm just in my head abt this, that i'm making this game for me.

i want to have fun, too.

but all of the things i'm doing--i'm doing bc they asked me to.

i offered a miss frizzle game.

i decided i needed to make the world for it.

i asked them what they wanted from the game

and after a lot of fucking pestering they FINALLY told me what they wanted (bc it took them forever to fill out a 4 question survey where the answer could be "nope i'm good!" to basically all the fucking questions, takes 5 mins at most)

and i took that to heart

and i built a world and a plan and a campaign around that

i worked to find ways to connect everything to each of their characters

i've put so much into this

and i'm just

feeling really confused and conflicted

bc no one wants me.

they maybe want me as a DM. maybe.

and that requires. so much work on my part.

and i don't get. any actual friendship from them.

i don't even get to help them with their problems or talk to them abt stuff. i don't even get that anymore.

i feel annoying trying to talk abt the game between sessions. like i'm annoying all of them.

and i just--

this is part of why i resent being told to reach out and be interested in other people

they find me annoying and creepy and Too Much

bc i love other people

as much as i say i hate them

i hate them bc they hate me

i wanted to just read my book and go to fucking sleep early tonight and instead i've been sitting here for an hour crying and typing this up.

and for what?

it changes nothing.

and then fuck me, too, for the times when i'm too tired to want to be engage in a full conversation.

or i'm wary of replying too quickly to something bc what if i'm being annoying or overwhelming?

worrying with every message i send that i've done something wrong. bc isn't that always the case?

and so i want to respond when i feel good enough to respond w the right tone and it's not forced or fake.

bc i guess i'm still trying to perform the interesting agreeable cool funny friend

even talking abt problems i don't talk abt anything that someone can't relate to at all.

and things in my life are so nebulous and weird anyway.

no one could "offer support", right, so why do i even want or miss it?

it's just stupid. i'm tired of being 28 fucking years old and still having to deal with shit like this.

and all those "life gets better in your 30s"

do you SEE the world?

i'll be lucky if i even make it to 40.

not even by my own hand. just everything else.

"there's always time to start what you wanna do"

that's a nice sentiment. it's even true a lot of the time.

when there's not a pandemic. when you have money. and friends. and opportunities and options in front of you. and no disabilities.

i'm just being stupid and shitty and negative now.

but i sort of resent anything that makes me feel fulfilled or alive rn bc then the crash back to earth hurts even worse.

the absence of everything else the majority of the time feels even worse.

and i'm not going to talk to ANY of them abt this bc what would be the point?

they're not in a place to handle a conversation like that w any grace. i'm not even MAD at them! they haven't deliberately done anything wrong, they're just struggling! a lot!

and last time i tried to have a conversation abt things that i was worried abt or hurt by or just wanted to clear up, everything imploded around me and i ended up ghosted and abandoned and blamed for everything.

shit's already empty and absent enough without me throwing dynamite at it and making it worse.

it's just that normally the effort i put into a friendship is immaterial.

but now i'm DMing this game and the effort is very material.

and now i'm feeling it more accutely.

and i can't do anything abt it.

i just.

hanging out w friends makes me feel better. and i KNOW that's the case for most people.

and here i am, trying to make that happen in a low stakes way just talking in discord.

and still nothing.

just.

nothing.

i'm a bad person for trying. for asking. for wanting.

i can't help if i don't know, if they don't tell me.

but they don't want me to ask. bc they don't respond to anything i say, at this point.

enough to know they're alive. and that's abt it.

[tea-and-la]

Besides, a lot of the time it’s not even “I hate this ship which is why I prefer XYZ ship” or “I ship B character with C character and not D character because I hate D character.” Sometimes it’s just;

[ID: This is a version of the “This is brilliant, but I like this” meme. A man points to a red car with a picture of Sokka and Suki from Avatar: The Last Airbender. He declares that “This is brilliant.” He then turns to a white car with a picture of Sokka and Toph from Avatar: The Last Airbender and finishes with “But I like this.” / End ID]

And sometimes it’s just;

“I like this character, I just don’t like the relationship they’re in.”

For example, I’m not a fan of Mai with Zuko or Katara with Aang, but I do like Mai with Ty Lee and Aang with Toph (like I said, I ship both Tokka and Taang because Toph has two hands and she loves both her goofy boys dearly). And it doesn’t even have to do with me shipping Zutara! Those are just the ships I prefer because they make me happiest and make the most sense to me personally. And it’s not like I ship Zutara because I hate Mai and Aang, I ship it because it makes sense to me personally, I like their chemistry, and they make me happy both as individuals and as a couple! And even just as platonic friends honestly. The reason I ship Zutara, Tokka, Taang, and Mailee is because first and foremost I love their friendship and what they mean to each other as platonic friends with no strings attached which makes way for them to potentially grow into romantic feelings over the years as they develop those bonds.

yeah exactly! also multi-shipping is like ... so much fun because you get to explore different dynamics. like, i am a sukka shipper, but recently i've been more into jetkka. that doesn't mean i hate sukka, it just means that i am excited to envision endless possibilities for a jetkka pairing, since it's not what was given to us in canon.

i also think that some people don't realize that when you say you don't like a character's part in a (canon) pairing, that doesn't make you a hypocrite for liking the character in another pairing. because ... and this is something that even applies to irl, a person can clash or be incompatible with one person and thus lead to a toxic relationship, but then they can have a whole different experience with someone else. idk if that makes sense?

like for example with ma!ko. i love platonic!ma!ko and i think they care deeply for each other, but sometimes that's not enough. that's why i love them as those childhood friends that dated but it's not weird because hey... now she's dating our other best friend. and it doesn't diminish the meaningfulness of either of their sacrifices (mai in tbr) to have them be just friends. and i personally hate when people think because i'm a zk, i hate mai or aang. because i'm actually a mai kin and i like aang... i just don't like a certain type of his stans? i also really hate it when people say things like "oh you only like taang because it gets aang out of the way for zutara." because first of all ... if i just wanted to get aang out of the way, he doesn't have to be in a relationship. he could just be single. but his dynamic with toph actually appeals to me. i find logic like that to be very ... silly and also just nosy for no reason lol.

like you said, i love taang, zutara, mailee because they are ships with no expectations. their actions for each other aren't influenced by physical attraction. and i know canon supremacists like to use the fact that zutara (and other non canon ships) aren't canonically attracted to each other as an "aha gotcha!" but that's actually what really works best for a friends to lovers ship. because you're doing things because you care about the other person, you're content with the friendship, and you're not just using it as a springboard into a relationship (i.e. you won't get frustrated if the other person doesn't immediately want to be together.) and i agree, i can see each one of them developing into romance years later. i think zutara would actually need the most time to reach that point because of their history, but it would be based off a really air-tight bond.

[ceyrann]

Now I'm finally having some time to jot down my thoughts and a bunch of other stuffs.

.

I've been actively on Tumblr for more than a year now, and most of us have moved to Discord and/or Instagram and even Facebook ahahahahaha cuz that's how comfortable I am with y'all. It sometimes baffles me that time flies so fucking fast, where I have known most of y'all for more than half a year (except for Ara where we hit the one year friendship already UwU), and yet the bonds we share are sometimes much closer than my irls.

And for some of y'all, I just know y'all like... Idk not long? And we just hit it so fucking well like we've known each other for years lmAO. Friendship sure is wild on this site.

I've even started and tried something new, and have gotten so much support, help and growth. Y'all legit supporting me when I was looking and applying for new jobs and y'all have helped me and watched over me and even shared lucks and braincells with me. And look at me now, getting a new job and prolly definitely will start to be busy as fuck now.

I think y'all (or most of y'all, at least) know that I came to Tumblr to run away from some parts of real life that I couldn't face. And I'm really fucking glad that I came here. It's really nice to have known so many of y'all and I know y'all will continue to support and help me through my days. And know that I'll do the same for y'all as well.

I don't know what else to say atm so I'm just gonna leave it here. Too many emotions in me to process at the moment. I really don't know what to say or do. I'm excited for the new job but also hella scared. Cuz tbh, I find it difficult to establish interpersonal relationships and now I gotta start everything from scratch again and this frightens me like fuck. I have to relearn everything again and I'm scared. What if I do mistakes? What if I fucked things up? And all that. It really is eating me up rn and I prolly need to rest and reassure myself and have a follow-up session with my counselor hshshshshshs.

Oh well. That's for now. If y'all have anything to say, y'all can drop by my askbox or comment here. If I have updates I'll rb this post lmAO.

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but I thought that was a good pair of Casualty episodes! I didn’t catch who wrote the second one, but the first one was a Katie Douglas ep, so I suppose it’s no surprise I enjoyed it. She’s one of Casualty’s/Holby’s most under-appreciated writers, if you ask me.

So. Without further ado, my thoughts on the first ep:

It was lovely to see Lev happy for once. Although, unfortunately, his happiness only lasted for about 5 minutes. It’s been so, so nice seeing Lev finally get some semblance of focus though, after months and months of all the focus being put on ~poor little Faith~ or whatever. Faith wasn’t even in this first episode. Lev actually got to be in the spotlight. Now THAT’S the content we deserve, if you ask me. Also, I know it’s unprofessional or whatever but personally I’m all in favour of Lev being in his ‘punching homophobes’ era.

This applies to both episodes, but I’ll say it here: I thought the writing for Lev and Xander’s relationship was pretty well done, too. And Uriel Emil has undoubtedly proved that he is NOT the kind of straight male actor who looks like they’re mentally cringing the whole time whenever they have to do any vaguely romantically intimate scene with a man. Thank god. We have enough of that kind of straight male actor on the soaps already. Good on Uriel for just going for it.

Is the actor who plays Xander queer or not IRL, does anyone know? I know Uriel is straight, but IDK about this dude (whose name I don’t remember). I felt he was a bit less believable, but maybe he’s just not the best actor (no offence to him).

The patient storyline with that woman and the guy who always jogged past her house was wild. I loved it. In a real-world context I don’t think their interactions and the way they actually met would be very healthy to build a friendship/relationship from, but it made very entertaining drama, so I was satisfied.

Aaand Ethan’s Huntington’s is starting. Poor bloke. I’m not even much of an Ethan fan, but no one deserves to suffer from a disease like that. :(

The reveal that Ethan had been keeping a diary of his early symptoms, that this wasn’t the first time they’d shown up, actually caught me off guard. I was not expecting that at all. It was a very emotionally hard-hitting scene. And him pushing Fenisha away because he felt that he’d eventually end up just becoming a burden on her, and that she’d be happier with Matthew, was so very sad.

I hope Casualty handle this storyline well. I know they worked with a Huntington’s charity for the original storyline with Ethan and Cal 5 years ago - hopefully they’ve consulted them again for this.

Thoughts on the second episode:

So, Ethan’s Huntington’s is one of two big long-running issue stories starting this summer. That kicked off in the first episode tonight.

In this ep, we got the start of Jacob’s big storyline, the one they’ve been hyping for months. And as I guessed, it does indeed look set to be a coercive control storyline with him and Tina. She was angry at him for even talking to other women. She threatened to leave him if he didn’t do what she wanted. And she deliberately got herself hurt to make Jacob pity her and let her move in. Those are all classic red flags of an emotionally abusive partner.

I do wish Casualty had thought about the fact that Tina is (unless I’ve forgotten someone) currently the only Black woman on the show before they did this. It particularly looks bad when we’ve had Faith - a white woman - being abusive to Lev recently, too, but that behaviour wasn’t treated as abuse, it was treated as sympathetic. If there were another Black female character who was portrayed more positively, and if Faith’s behaviour had been treated as abusive too, I wouldn’t have a problem with this.

Other than those issues - which are more about the context the storyline is happening in, rather than the story itself - I think it’s very brave of Casualty to do this storyline. There’s very little recognition that men can be victims in abusive relationships, or that women can be abusers, and bringing awareness to this issue is a good thing. And I think picking Jacob, who’s often shown as one of the more “manly” men on the show, to get this story was a very good idea too - it shows that even men who society deems “too strong to be victims” can, in fact, be victimised.

I just hope, like with Ethan’s storyline, that they handle this right.

Faith continues to be a hypocrite, as per usual. She’s here telling Lev “you can’t go around punching people!” when you can’t go around trying to force your husband to sleep with you to “prove he’s not gay” either, but she still did! And she’s here telling Xander “you need to understand that Lev grew up in a culture where you’re not allowed to be gay” like she’s been understanding of that (which she hasn’t). Sighhh.

The patient storyline, with the man with Parkinson’s and his girlfriend, was pretty interesting. I thought the male actor (I don’t know either of their names...) wasn’t great, tbh, but the actress playing the girlfriend was very good. This guest story also gave us an excuse to see Dylan again, even if only briefly, which was nice because he kind of disappeared these last few weeks.

Don’t have much to say about Robyn and the new receptionist guy, or about whatever’s going on with Charlie, as I’m not particularly interested in either of their characters. Also, this post is pretty long already. So I’ll let this be the conclusion to my review. :)

[omegawolverine]

hi hello i dont think we have talked b4 but i would love 2 hear ur craig ND headcanonz :))

hehe hello!! thank you for the asks!! here's my ND craig headcanons aka me projecting onto one of my kins :>

note? ig: im diagnosed with adhd buuuut i probably also have undiagnosed autism and idk how to separate those symptoms tbh so im not gonna be too specific about what's what ig. this truly will just be Pure Projection soooo

let's go!

-was absolutely that one kid growing up that got either "never applies himself" or "has good grades, but issues with socialization" on report cards

-bad at making and maintaining friendships :/

-school probably tested him and was like "yeah there is something here but we arent gonna diagnose bc that means we have to give him Actual Accommodations" and then stuck him in SPED classes which just got him bullied ajsksk

-has bad sensory issues with like. the feeling of skin and the sound of like silverware on plates, it literally makes him wanna peel his skin off. there's other ones obvs but those ones are the worst

-sensory overload makes him incredibly agitated or just downright pissed. gets very snippy but doesn't yell bc yelling feels Weird and he doesn't like it

-cant wear more than 2 layers, cant sleep with more than one thin blanket, it makes him feel like he's being suffocated and having his movement restricted

-always stimming but pretty good at making it unnoticeable, has a lot of normalized stims like playing with rubber bands, leg bouncing nail tapping, cracking knuckles, etc.

-but when he isnt trying to hide it? ohhh boy is he a loud motherfucker, very into stims that involve noise like rolling his r's, doin lil brr sounds, clickn buttons on like remotes and stuff, etc.

-not very good at masking tbh

-mmm echolalia galore

-flappy hands!! lots of flappy hands :]

-stims by hitting the balls of his hands/wrists together repeatedly, is probably one of his most used stims

-has like. harmful stims when he's upset or in pain? like hitting himself, scratching himself, etc.

-has lil dancey stims but only really does them in private or around close friends

-so flipping people off is already basically a stim in canon lbr but imagine he starts doing 👉👈 as a joke and then it just becomes a Default Stim. he jus be standing there and outta nowhere he's goin 👉👈 while having a completely normal conversation

-very bad at reading tone and social cues but he just wont admit it. refuses to ask questions either. leads to a lot of bad situations but he'd rather die than ask for clarification

-if you don't tell him exactly what to do he will just kinda. be confused. like you need to give him a step by step tutorial otherwise he will not do something very obvious on his own just incase he's wrong

-low empathy my beloathed /hj

-uhhh pls dont put him in a situation to comfort someone he will say and do all the wrong things even if he's trying his best

-red racer hyperfixation <3 guinea pig hyperfixation <3

-the most dry texter known to man bc he refuses to have important conversations over text due to Lack Of Tone Indication (his friends would be an exception bc tone indicators pog but still greatly prefers irl)

-its the having multiple swears as stimmy words for me /hj

-walks while leaning on the outside of his feet more than having them like. level? if that makes sense. similar to toe walking but like on the sides of the feet

-dont ask him to read a book he'll either hyperfixate or end up rereading the same page over and over again bc he retained nothing

-very blunt but he's not trying to be mean he just has literally no idea how to Not talk like that

-does a lil high picthed mm sound when happy flapping and usually rocks back and forth with it :]

-will be in the middle of the test and you'll just hear him softly muttering "bonk. bonk. bonk. bonk. bon-"

-that ^ or bababooey

-basically any tiktok sound he hates turns into a stim at some point

-has a playlist just titled "neurodivergent moment" bc he's that kind of person. the first song on it is the home of 47, followed by stupid mf (idk if the person who made the home of 47 ((trolleycat)) can reclaim the r slur but it's used a good amount in the song, stupid mf is just blatantly ableist tho lol)

-*info dumps by tearing apart his favorite media and then gets offended when a NT does the exact same thing*

-calls things ableist when they dont go his way

-has a lot of oral stims like give him anything he can chew on and he will fucking destroy it unless it's made to be chewed

-*sees strings on hat* *sticks end in mouf* *complains when its soaking wet 2 minutes later*

-hyperfixates on a lot of problematic media so he has become the most critical ass mfer when it comes to the shit he consumes

-sometimes he just. screams. bc he can. and he feels the need to.

-has rsd but shhh he'll never discuss it

[robotgirldisc]

Pride ask: 💙🖤🌊🎨

💙 Do you have any pride merch?

I have a shopping net that my partner got me, it's got a trans pride flag and the word "proud" on it. I thought I'd lost it in my last move, but I just found it while tidying on Thursday so I'm really excited to use it (it's a eeally good shopping net too, really spacious)

I also have a bag full of pronoun pins I got on etsy* that I plan on handing out to whoever needs them. I'm really excited to come out as genderfluid to my irl friends so I have an excuse to use them actually.

🖤 Stargazing or walks on the beach?

Can I say both?

Alone, I prefer the stars, some quiet time to ponder the wastness of space, it can put everyday problems that seem huge in the moment into perspective. I like to think I also appreciate the stars more because they're not available here during the summer months

I really don't like the heat, so the beach in the day time isn't really my thing. But a walk on the beach at night can be so romantic. The sound of the waves and the smell of sea air. The cold wind is the perfect excuse to borrow or lend away a coat 😍😍😍

🌊 Ideal date

To me, a great date requires a strong friendship to build upon. I want a foundation of friendship for the romance to rest on.

Passion is hands down, the single most attractive trait a human being can have. I want to hear my date infodump. So a good date for me is a museum with someone who appreciates art, or a book store with someone who enjoys books, or a hike with someone who appreciates nature (I feel I kinda take the beautiful nature of my hometown for granted, so taking someone from elsewhere on a trip is amazing) I want to gain a better appreciation for something through the other.

🎨 Draw/paint your pride flag

[Id: a photo of a pencil drawing of pride flags, the image depict the nonbinary, trans and genderfluid pride flags on the first row, and the bi, polyamorous, mlm and wlw flags on the second row]

My apologies to the communities where I messed up the aspect ratio of our flags (trans and wlw) and where I got the colors slightly wrong (mlm and wlw) my pallette was a little limited 😥

Got an explanation for the mlm flag that got a little long winded below the cut.

* Also, I'm shilling the etsy artist I got the pins from because I liked them

I feel like the mlm flag might need a *little* bit of an explanation? How can I identify as mlm and a trans woman? The answer is I don't know zhsjsjjs. I guess my attraction to men feels pretty queer too, and my attraction to men is one of the few places where the masculine side of me actually feels comfortable. Being "the man" in a straight relationship always felt Wrong, and I think that's the main reason why I didn't really pursue relationships before coming out, despite really wanting to (asside from being shy, which still sorta applies dgsbsbsn) To contrast, being "a man" in a gay relationship actually feels nice, but idk if I have the words yet to properly express how

Not pictured are flags for gender identities I sometimes identify with through my gender fluid identity. The most common of which are demi girl, bigender, demi boy, and agender, in decreasing order of frequency.

*The Etsy artist I got the pronoun pins from goes by PrideShopUK, they're really simple and durable, just what I was looking for, and you can customize the color and pronouns, I even got a couple extra of the custom she/them and she/him pins I ordered, which I really appreciated. If you do order from there, tell Hannah that Emma sent you :)

[i-maybe-exist]

messy post about my feelings on shipping with mcyt’s for my dni

just to preface, i don’t really like irl shipping in general. it’s kind of weird to me, and in the fandom that i came from (the jse/markiplier community), irl shipping basically ruined mark and jack’s friendship (and i think it’s ruined another friendship within that community, which is wonderful /s).

first off, if you do any of these things DO NOT INTERACT. no negotiations or buts, fuck off.

YOU DO NOT RESPECT THE BOUNDARIES OF CONTENT CREATORS

above bullet applies to both mycts and people in the community who create content 

post about mcyt’s boundaries if you’ve never checked/aren’t sure (which. please do that. please check if things are ok before you do them)

support/ship anything with a minor involved (yes, even if its two minors being shipped and even if the minor is (somehow) ok with shipping because that’s fucking wrong)

you draw/write/create smut or nsfw stuff for any ship (because number one: ew and number two: bigger eww)

you create or read any nsfw/smut with a minor (THAT JUST STRAIGHT UP PEDOPHILIA. JESUS CHRIST. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

if you tried to shove “heatwaves” into any cc’s face (THE AUTHOR SAID THAT THEY DIDN’T WANT DREAM OR GEORGE OR ANYONE TO SEE IT. YOU ALL HAD ONE FUCKING JOB AND YOU FUCKERS FAILED SPECTACULARLY /neg)

actually if you try to shove shipping into any mcyt’s face/force it onto anyone who doesn’t like it just go away 

this isn’t really a dni thing but if you tag a drawing with only dream as dreamnotfound or something like that i’m mighty sus of you

also, for all of the above, i don’t care if this cc or that mcyt has said that they’re ok with whatever. i’m not, this is my blog, that’s that.

if you do these things below, you can interact/vibe if you want (but keep in mind that like. i don’t like shipping. so just dont send asks about it or anything /nm)

ship anything that’s cannon in the dream smp (like fundywastaken or the poly trio of karl, sapnap and quackity)

shipping two people because you like their dynamic or whatever (idk. i’ve never understood shipping tbh, even between characters)

idk. you’re just not weird about it? like that shouldn’t be hard????

also, all of the above relate to non-harmful ships that don’t fall into the dni section

also also i’m sorry i sound so harsh but talking about shipping in general/boundaries with them has always felt like a walking on eggshells (even with character ships) and i’m also just kind of done with some of the shit that goes on in this fandom

i think that’s it??? i’ll probably add more as i learn what other gross things people ship /hj, but this is it for now. if you have any questions, feel free to send me an ask or dm me

[bravadoseries]

i was tagged by @emiliachrstine and @chlobenet to tag ppl who make me happy! so i’m gonna do a bit of an appreciation post for some people i’ve been meaning to talk a bit more about since getting back into writing/ocblr :)  

@emiliachrstine ok first of all emilia i love you so much!! thank you for tagging me in this. i remember meeting you first through supernatural fandom and our mutual love and respect for jo harvelle and then bonding again over our mutual love and respect for the Queen sharon carter so i’m super happy that we’ve managed to stay in touch and always bond over our underappreciated faves. i’ve always loved your writing since i first encountered it i think (like when i was in eighth grade 😭 and i would read ur spn fic on the bus home from school) so it’s crazy to me that i can consider you a friend now. thank you for sharing so much writing with the world, and for being so open and kind. it’s always a joy to talk to you about writing, see your beautiful edits, and plan crossovers between our ocs. i love you 💓💓💓

@daaeleira pixie!! i know i’ve said this like a million times before but you have been one of my longest friendships Period like irl or online or whatever like i have known you so long and i’m so happy that i have. i love you so much and i am so grateful you’ve been there for me through so much of my life and when things get crazy i’m happy i always have the opportunity to talk to you about how dumb the russos are or hear you talk about your #problematic #faves or just vent. i’m so lucky to know you!! you’re such a kind and funny person, and you’re really supportive and also genuinely one of the most talented writers i’ve ever had the privilege of reading work from (fic or not). i feel like i’ve grown so much from being friends with you in my beliefs and my general outlook on the world which is not something i expected at all when i applied to be a mod for the winsisters blog but i am so happy and grateful that it was the case. i stan all of your ocs genuinely they’re all so good and you’re like. a legend in my mind i admire you so much

@perfectlystiles we are new friends but i love how easy it is to talk to you!  we get along super well and i love how we are both little bruce banner stannies and how we have such similar shipping interests lmfaooo i just really enjoy talking to you about giles and fandom and our messed up sleep schedules and how quarantine has really screwed both of us over motivation-wise.  i’m really glad we vibe so well because it’s always a joy to talk to you :~)

@kenobi-jinn we are also new friends!  i’ve been catching up on star wars media specifically so i can go HARD with stanning valencia when i start your obi-wan fic.  i’ve started your marvel story (and i’m planning on reviewing the rest of it too i promise !) and i am a huge fan of your writing style and your ability to hold up original storylines.  i admire your work so much and i’m really excited to get more into it :) you’re extremely talented! and also a very kind and easy to talk to person.  i’m really glad we’ve gotten in touch!  

@ocfairygodmother cass/jan!!!  okay i don’t know if you even remember this at all but i remember when elle’s story was first posted and i was looking for winsister stuff to read and i fell in love with it so early on.  we don’t talk too much anymore but i am so deeply admirational of how you have managed to build a real community out of ocblr.  you inspired me to write on an individual level when i was a kid and the community you’ve developed has kept me writing through these years, and so i owe it to you more than anyone or anything else that i’ve kept writing and that i’m pursuing a degree in writing as well.  idk if this is weird because we don’t talk too much but seriously, i owe so much of that to you.  you’re so positive and you devote so much time and work to being kind and supportive to other writers, and the impact you have had on my life and the lives of other people in this community is so large and positive.  thank you for being you, and for doing so much work that you didn’t need to do to help keep us together.  

@chlobenet ally i don’t think we have ever been super close but i’ve followed you for a long time and i am always stunned by how talented you are both with writing and editing! your ideas for ocs are so strong and distinct that they could clearly stand on their own as original pieces of fiction, but they also fit so well into the fandoms you write them for.  you’re incredibly creative and i’m grateful that you tagged me in this so i could have the chance to gush lol thank you!

@ahsokatonas joey i don’t know you super well but you are extremely talented and i admire your work so much!  you are a wonderfully talented writer and also incredible at worldbuilding.  not to mention amazing with edits and the like.  so thank you for sharing! 

@notaboutcat cat i have loved your writing and ocs since my supernatural days as well lol thank you for being such an inspiration to me ! and i’m really happy to know you and you know how big a fan i am of all of your ocs.  you’re a talented writer and you’re really good at building such unique and interesting characters that are a privilege to read!  

@suzieloveships thank you for being so supportive of my fic for so long! and for sending such interesting asks and leaving such kind comments on audrey’s story.  i appreciate it so much and i always look forward to seeing what you have to say when i see your username in my notifications :)

then there are a lot of people i’ve been admiring from afar!  so i want to say thank you to you all as well for sharing your writing or being supportive readers to others in the community.  sending love to you all <3 thank you for making me so happy

@lizziesxltzmxn @foxesandmagic @ultraocfury @aliverse @randomestfandoms-ocs @randomfandoming1 @feralcherry @celticboudicca @marvel-osity @sgtbuckyybarnes 

[stagcharmed-a]

james  +  bisexuality,   some thoughts: so  since  the  start  of  this  blog  I’ve  written  james  as  bi,  but  I’ve  recently  been  Thinking  more  about  how  complexities  around  his  sexuality  would  manifest  in  threads  /  writing  /  ships  especially  as  I’ve  been  fleshing  my  verses  out  more  so ,  below  the  cut  is  some  musings /  meta  about  james  being  bi  +   relationships  with  men  and  expressing  his  feelings,  here  we  go  !

what  I  mostly  want  to  talk  about  is  that james  is  the  kind  of  person  who  would  struggle  to  recognise  their  sexuality,  not  our  of  shame  or  like  suppression  but  purely  because  he  doesn’t  always  understand  what  he  is  feeling  /  consider  the  possibility  of  being  non-straight  .

it  would  depend  on  the  thread  /  muses  ect  but   in general,   james  isn’t great at recognising his attraction to men as romantic / non-platonic because he can’t  always  recognise  what  he’s  feeling  /   understand  the  cause  of  it .  

across  my  blog  in  my  characterisation  one  (mostly)  consistent  factor  is  just  difficulty  untangling  his  emotions  and  recognising  exactly  what  he  is  feeling  and  why  in  each  moment .  james  is a  very  feeling   person  who  experiences  emotions  intensely  but  he  is  also  someone  who  often  doesn’t  think  about  the  root  causes  of  those  emotions .   not  that  he  can’t  or won’t,   he  isn’t  lacking  in  self-awareness,  it’s  just  that  often  his  emotions  are  situational  and  therefore  later  he  has  trouble  identifying  exactly  why  he  felt  and  acted  like  he  did  .   he  also  doesn’t  overthink  the  reasons  behind  his  feelings,  how  he  feels  often  just   ...   is  .      

even  in  my  main  verse,  writing  james  relationship  with  lily,  he  struggles  to  untangle  his  feelings  about  lily,  specifically  in  splitting  if  how  he  his  feeling  for  her  are  growing  in a  way  that  is  platonic  or  not .  and  that  is  with  someone  he  knows  he’s  already  had  feelings  for .   with  men,  it’s  much  more  complicated  to  recognise  what  exactly  his  feelings  for  them  are,  because  there’s  less  of  a  traditional  blueprint.   dismissing  feelings  as  ‘we’re  just  friends’,  or  not  recognising  the  root  of  emotions  like  jealousy  or  desire  for  what  they  actually  are .  

to  complicate  things,    james  platonic  relationships  with  other  men  /  the  boys  in  the  main  verses  are  all  very  openly  loving  and  close .   this  is  partially  because james  is  also  a  very  physically  affectionate  person  and  so  anyone  whose  friends  with  him  (  especially  good,  good  friends  )   have  to  be  as  well  at  least  to  some  degree  because  that  is  the  major  way  he  both  gives  &  receives  affection  /  love .   in  general,   james  is  a  very  open  and  loving  person  who  doesn’t  shy  from  telling  others  how  he  feels  about  them.   he  wouldn’t  hesitate  to  tell  his  friends  he  loves  them,   to  sleep  or  be  close  to  them,  and  to  openly  express  how  much  he  likes  them .   because  of  it,  he  doesn’t  realise  not  everyone  acts  this  way  &  also  that  many  actions  he  considers  platonic  can  also  be  considered  romantic .  he  doesn’t  always  recognise  his  actions  and  behaviour  as  expressing  anything  other  than  friendship,  I  can  even  see  him  subconsciously  Knowing  he  feels  strongly  for  someone  but  still  not  tackling  that  emotion  fully .  

there  is  also  the  fact  james  is  not  a  very  casual  person  and  he  feels  deeply  for  most  people  he  likes,  so  it’s  not  like  there  is  such  a  large  gap  between  how  he  feels  for  his  friends  versus  partners.  which  can  distort  his  feelings  toward  people  (  or  give  him  room  to  do  so  wilfully  or  subconsciously  )     anyway,  I  think  it  would  get  better  with  time  +  more  dating  experience  also  it  would  depend  on  his  age  /  verse  but  in  general  ...  james  is  (probably, like it would all depend blah blah)  but probably  not  going  to  be  the  person  who  makes  the  first  move  or  initiates  anything  because  he  ...  would  be  missing  /  not  seeing  every  single  cue . 

so james DO be loving men in an unmistakably bisexual way,  it’s just that absolutely everyone except himself recognises this. He really is the epitome of the ‘wdym you don’t kiss your bro’s on the lips to say goodnight, they’re your bro’s’ meme.  that said, once it clicks for him it CLICKS, and james loves being in love .  that  ‘oh’  moment  where suddenly everything makes sense and now he understands what he’s been feeling.  so yeah,  james  would  happily  date / be in love with another man, it would be just the actually recognising this part that would be tricky. 

some  verse  notes ;

main  verse:   due  to  the  condensed  timeline  &  the  fact  my  mans  literally  is  dating  /  married  for  most  his  life  before  he  dies  there  isn’t  much  time  for  shipping  but  I  do  have  a  headcanon  about  james  +  dating  before  lily  though  here . 

modern verse:  probably  the  easiest  verse  to  ship  in  because  of  the  looser  timeline  +  generally  more  happy  vibes .  m/m  ships  probably  working  best  in  this  verse  though  much  of  what  was  said  above  still  applies  !    but  it’s  just  a  character  arc  to  work  through  so  *shrug*

james lives au:  I  have  sooooo  many  versions  of  this  AU  /  it’s  really  only  plot  based  but  the  problem  with  james  +  shipping  in  this  verse  is  more  to-do  with  his  immense  trauma  +  complicated  feelings  toward  his  past  than  necessarily  the  shipping  itself .  James  is  resistant  to  romance  in  this  verse  because  of  his  guilt  over  lily’s  death  +  feelings  of  responsibility  toward  harry  +  not  wanting  to  feel  misunderstood  /  a  burden.  that  said,    open to shipping it just needs plotting / build-up idk. 

final note ;  I know a lot of people take a “”colourblind”” (idk a better word? sorry ajdjs)  approach to writing sexuality in rp.  (aka, the sexuality of the character rarely impacts their thought process) I respect if people wanna do that I’ve just.. never been able to? I know some people are like ‘do we have to think about it I do it enough irl’ which I get but for me it’s literally IMPOSSIBLE to not consider these things when I’m writing (probably bc I do irl constantly lol) so *shrug*.  i dont know, it is what it is.  that said, a lot of what I’ve outlined applies across all ships, it just manifests more in m/m ships . 

tldr ;    james is someone who struggles to separate out his emotions, he feels deeply for people and experiences emotions intensely but cannot always determine why he feels such a way or determine the root cause. in relationships with men, it is unlikely he will recognise his feelings as non-platonic, especially when he has such deep and intense platonic friendships that warp exactly what ‘friendship’ is for him.   he would probably not therefore initiate relationships first.  however,  he once he figures out his feelings and why he’s been feeling that way he feels better for the clarity and would definitely love/date other men. 

[edda-blattfe]

Get To Know The Mun

I was tagged by @xdendenx . Thank you for think of me Den! 😊

———————————–

1. What do you prefer to be called namewise?

I’m actually really fond of the name Blue, since it was given by my friends here on tumblr. ☺️

2. When is your birthday?

October 14th

3. Where do you live? (You don’t have to give city, you can give the state if your USA or country if you are overseas)

Hawaii, U.S.

4. Three things you are doing right now?

Typing, watching my cat -Akira- wander around my desk, procrastinating on essays

5. Four Fandoms that have your peak interest right now?

Twisted Wonderland, Disney (I consider it a fandom), She-ra: pop (looking forward to the 15th!), and I’m not sure of a fourth right now

6. How has this pandemic been treating you?

(Using this to vent, please skip if you don’t want to read that sort of thing right now)

Ahah-heheh...you want the truth? Ok, well, it’s been bringing up some not so good memories and suppressed feelings from my childhood that constantly come and go (short version: my parents worked on a carnival ever since I was 5 and left my brother and I alone in a trailer with minimal human interaction during most of it with only homeschooling videos and movies to watch. I didn’t get to attend an actual school until I was 10 and we still had through isolation during the summer...so yeah, not a good time 😅) but I’m working through it, don’t worry!

On the bright side, the pandemic put a permanent end to my parents careers working at the carnival (under a manipulative and emotionally abusive boss who couldn’t care less that she exploited my dad’s loyalty and longing for acceptance...heh...fun times...) which means they can all move on and have a normal life! And my grandmother has been sewing/giving out free masks and set up a neighborhood pantry that’s been getting her to interact with more of our neighbors. It’s given a good boost to her mood, I’m glad to see her happy! ☺️

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

“Happier” the version from Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist

8. Recommend a movie

Just one?! Hm... “Song of the Sea” is an incredible family film with a touching story line and absolutely stunning animation! There’s also “Wu over the Wall”, “The Willoughbies”, “The Breadwinner”, “Onward”, every Disney movie available, all of the Jurassic Park movies....heh, the list goes on but I’ll stop there 😅

9. How old are you?

21 😭

10. School, University, Occupation, Other?

Enrolled at the local community college

11. Do you prefer heat or cold?

Cold!!! God I miss the cold....the air feels so nice to breathe and you can actually wear layers! Someday, I really want to move somewhere with winter (then I can go back to my goth ways or maybe try out Mori Kei since I wouldn’t be living with anyone who’d criticize it!).

12. Name one fact about you that others may find unusual

People call me a 90 y.o. in a 21 y.o. body...mainly because I don’t like going to parties, or drinking, don’t date....if I had my way we’d have at least three more cats..... I like to knit and drink tea in the mornings.....would rather take walks through the botanical gardens or zoo rather than go to the mall....yeah...

13. Are you shy?

I think so, but everyone I ask genuinely says I don’t come off that way...idk man

14. Do you have preferred pronouns?

She/her please

15. Biggest pet peeve?

Whenever someone tells you to smile, cheer up, or not cry. Like, dude, we’re human. We feel things and need to work through them (otherwise you get people who learn to immediately hide their problems and believe me it is not healthy)! I’m sorry if you feel uncomfortable with seeing someone suffering, but that’s your problem. If you’re not going to try helping then just go tf away!

16. What is your fave ‘dere’ type?

Yandere, Kuudere, Utsudere, and Shundere

17. Rate your life 1-10, 1 being really crappy and 10 being best it could ever be

Right now, 9.5: I’m living with a person who loves and appreciates me without judgement, in a home that isn’t falling apart, with plenty of food and comforting things (like my kitties ☺️). Might not have many friends irl or a romantic partner and I’m still struggling with a few personal things, but those are in my control to change. This is a much better place to be, for sure!

Over all?....lemme crunch the numbers and get back to you on that.

18. What is your main blog?

Timeoverdrive

19. List your side blogs and what they are used for

@true-neutral-earth-elf : My tdp blog (not active as of late but there’s a lot of writing + art there)

@obeyme-blue : My Obey Me blog (also not very active)

20. Is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

Like a warning label? A few actually. (Again, feel free to skip)

- There are a ton of subliminal social indicators I do not understand. If anything I say or do makes you uncomfortable, or if there’s something you don’t want me to share, or want me to do you need to tell me directly! I know this can be uncomfortable but it’s the only way for me to understand what exactly you’re trying to convey. This is something that has caused a lot of trouble in the past, and even though I’m trying to get better at it, it’s still frustratingly difficult for me to grasp. I’m sorry for burdening you with this.

- Internally anxious about the weirdest things (like going to public places without any goal or purpose, trying to sleep without any living creatures around, staying in unfamiliar places) and this does apply to hanging out with friends.

- Has trouble communicating feelings and forming connections with other people.

- In otherwords, there’s a lot of confusing baggage to work through, none of it is conducive to close friendships, and I really have no clue what anyone would get out of any sort relationship with me....yeah, you’ve been warned 😓

Tagging: @circuscarnage , @mamushroomoracorn , @officialworldofmistren

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

(My response is below the dashed line)

hey, so. this is gonna be a long ass post i think, at least is long enough that tumblr’s inbox doesn’t approve. it’s just, at first i started reading this series bc the summary of medicine felt like the rest of fics of this kind, they hook up, go through some angst, make up, happy ending, an easy read basically. i was expecting it to be like the rest of them, it’s also a type of fic i’m not fond of, i don’t dislike them but i don’t seek them out you know? but it sounded interesting and medicine was so well written and the scene with hunk and pidge on the car left me wanting more... so i started reading the rest. i checked up the lovesick series and at first i was confused by the chapter format (1 chap of addition and the next is on side effects and so) but as i got more and more invested this type of format actually helped me to see the story from both sides more clearly. i spend three whole days reading every single word that was posted non-stop, finishing the chapters on ao3 and going straight up to tumblr because i couldn’t believe what a masterpiece, deserving of being one of the best works on this fandom, the lovesick series was. i was blown away, it felt like i was 10 yo again and i just found a book that i needed to finish as soon as i can or i couldn’t be able to rest. you made me feel a rollercoaster of emotions all the way, made me see how nothing, and i repeat nothing, is black or white in this life. how the communication is important. what i’m trying to say is, i’ve learnt a lot with your work.

i’ve learnt about all type of relationships, familial, friendship, romantic ones... i’ve learnt that we need patience with people, that we can’t drown on resentment, that we have to listen. that not all of us communicate the same way or know how to do it properly, to look closely for tiny details someone is showing us but we’re not paying attention to. more times that i can remember i found myself remembering scenes from lovesick when there’s a problem in real life, remembering how they solved it and applying into the real life situation and it worked, because it’s something i learnt from a fic but it’s something that /happens/. it’s not fiction. that’s way i undoubtedly feel like this work is reality put into words.

lovesick taught me to always think of remembering to try and see things from all the perspectives, to not get stuck into one point of view without thinking. and yeah i know i sounds like before i was a human being with no sympathy which (i hope) i wasn’t, i actually always looked for the other’s person well-being first but, i’m not sure how to explain it, now is like i’m more calm about it?? you know how one of my last asks was about how i feel hurt for keith? it’s because that. i was like keith at first, acting impulsive and lost, but now everything’s just feel.... more mature. idk, sorry i’m being weird.

i also want to thank you for showing me how a healthy relationship should work, like i said i apply a lot of things i learnt from lovesick to my irl relationships, i never had a romantic partner and i always kind of freaked out about thinking about it but now i feel like it’s not really a big deal? like i’m gonna be okay? don’t get me wrong, i still freak out a lot about it but now i feel more relaxed!!

so anyway, sorry for this bible, thank you for sharing your writing with us, for teaching me so much and i hope you keep doing so! aaaand now im going back to my cave so i can die from embarrassment, have a good day!!❤️

((btw i wrote this on one go so it’s probably really messy and confusing but i needed to get this out ;;))

---------------------

Oh god. Oh man, okay. Uh. Whoa. I’m also writing as I think hence the..sloppiness. 

Just. 

God. Wow. I’m so- i don’t even know. I really dont know how to explain it. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that this fic has managed to affect someone as much as it’s affected you. I get whiplash hearing (or reading) it be described as a masterpiece or “the best fic in the fandom.” But it makes me so ridiculously happy that someone thinks so. 

I just. Thank you so so much for taking the time to write all of this to me. However messy, it really means a lot to me because I guess. I mean it can be hard writing fanfiction. It’s not something I get paid for, so all that time put into it isn’t really acknowledged in a way that lets me pay my bills, but I do it because I like writing and its fun and i make my own rules. And this community that has come from it has been so encouraging and amazing and I guess. When I get feedback like this, I guess it just feels like proof that regardless of getting paid or not, I’m making an impact. Which has always been the dream. To leave a legacy behind with my words, to affect someone the way that books used to affect my life, to be someones getaway when life is just too much. And messages like these are so validating because it doesn’t matter if this writing isn’t on a shelf at B&N, I’ve still managed to do that! I’ve managed to reach people in states and countries outside of mine! I’ve reached my dream. 

So don’t apologize for a long message or a messy one. When I say it means a lot, I really mean it. The words “It means a lot” suck to encompass the feeling but. I like rereading messages like this when I’m in a bad place and they all sort of reel me back from the edge. So thank you. Thank you so so much <3