#but i think i tend to overwhelm people because i'm so not only into lost

[dharmainitiative-unofficial]

average christina update i'm not dead my lost fixation is as heavy as ever i just feel like im doing too much projectile infodumping here instead of making content yknow

[vyl3tpwny]

genuine question: why is genesis so low on ur topsters?

also, if you can: could i hear why hawaii: part ii is rated 3.5 on ur rateyourmusic? (as opposed to like. anything higher)

(p. s. your music inspires me to be the sincerest version of myself, and for that i thank you. the impact you've had on my life is unforgettable.)

genesis isn't rated low. my number one album of all time is genesis' "the lamb lies down on broadway", for about 16 years running. my topster is organized by relative colour, it's not perfect but it just looks nice!

—

when it comes to talking about music, what i like and like about it, almost 100% of the time i NEVER want to discourage people, talk down to artists, or claim my opinion as fact. the only time i will actively talk down about art is if it's purposefully harmful (see artists like: Tom Macdonald, etc).

with that said, music by miracle musical - and by extension tally hall - often does this thing where there are a handful of really impressive, well written songs that just blow me away. but then the rest of the album outside of those handful of songs are either just ok/catchy or don't interest me very much. the tally hall gang's highs are very high, and equally their lows are just sort of pace-killers for the albums.

it's dynamics like these that prevent me from liking some of my other albums for similar problems! i think albums like queen of misfits and glitter are bogged down by an absurd amount of boring filler that could have just been left out or reworked to be more interesting, it makes it hard to ever listen to those albums front to back. ironically i don't feel that way about fairytails, my 40-song long ass album, almost everything in it still feels rather purposeful to me. i listen to my own music a lot, and once i've finished a project i tend to try and listen to it and enjoy it from an audience perspective rather than an artist one.

while i'm on the topic, i don't necessarily agree with even rating hawaii pt. ii 3.5 because in the past few years i've completely lost interest in the idea of weighing albums by arbitrary scores. nowadays i like to just give 4-5's to albums i like and then ignore anything else. it doesn't really make sense to me to assign a number score to something with good faith, other than to show that score to other people. interfacing with art is not a black and white process. despite the so-called 3.5/5.0 score i gave hawaii pt. ii whenever that was, the reality is that record has influenced me and i've enjoyed it. honestly that's what matters the most. we can sit here and talk album dynamics, technicalities, compositional proficiency, lyric profundity, and """""consistency"""""" (which is a word music critics love to throw around without actually realizing what the fuck they're talking about) all day, but what matters the most is:

Did you like the music? (Yes/No)

Did it inspire you in some way? (Yes/No) [Optional]

Does it seek to do harm? (Yes/No)

Do you respect the efforts and goals of the artist? (Yes/No) [Should always be the inverse of Question 3; i.e; if you answer No to 3, then you should answer Yes to 4]

honestly if you answer yes, yes, no, yes, then it's a good album. i really don't care. not every piece of art has to push the envelope to new heights and be the most innovative thing in the world - i mean wouldn't that be extremely fatiguing and overwhelming? everyone wants to be a critic and tear down shit that doesn't click with them within the first viewing/listen these days, i don't know why, it's probably an ego thing, bred by the echo chambers in the corners of the internet. but a lot of music criticism can be COMPLETELY discarded in favour of "this just isn't for me", and a lot of people go leaps and bounds, doing mental gymnastics over internal compensations, to just avoid saying the dreaded phrase of "this just isn't for me".

trust me, i'm someone who has immense experience with tearing other people down to compensate for my internal insecurities, it happens extremely often which is why a lot of art criticism makes ZERO fucking sense. it's never about making meaningful commentary about anything, it's always just trying to justify in the format of a dissertation - the subjective experience of "this just isn't for me".

so. do i like hawaii pt. ii? yep. is it a perfect album? no. why did i rate it 3.5? probably because at the time i wanted someone somewhere to perceive me as Very Articulated and Well Educated In The Realm of Discussing Art In Front of Other People, in Order to Appear Superior in Intellect and Refined in Taste, Because I'm Insecure Just Like Everyone Else.

[basiclupineurology]

why troy & abed were doomed from the start

i'm back to say i've come back to community and i've been thinking a lot about the state of troy and abed's relationship through the seasons and why they work so well comedically but, somehow, the writers weren't able to sustain their friendship to the end. (not even talking about s5 here. the cracks started showing in s3.)

the obvious answer is that sitcoms tend to go down in quality over time, the characters becoming flanderised versions of themselves and losing who they are, but i can't really say that - barring the gas leak season - abed or troy lost who they were for the entirety of the time they were on the show together.

i think what doomed them from the start was that they were not only comedic partners in a sitcom, but best friends. there was a tangible realness that underscored all their actions, beyond the cheesy heightened melodrama of most sitcom relationships (platonic or otherwise) that audiences could recognise and wanted to see develop. so, develop they did.

but troy and abed both appear in the show at a very interesting point in their lives. every member of the main cast, of course, has major change in the trajectory of their lives at greendale, but troy and abed in particular come off several years of being a kind of half-person. troy spends most of his life playing into the character of the popular jock, someone who is still inside him throughout the series but becomes increasingly diminished, a voice in his ear rather than this all-consuming persona. abed is who his father wants him to be. he's never had any friends, spent most of his childhood bullied and most of his adulthood thus far pursuing his interests in a vacuum and inside his own mind, with no one to share them with. for lack of a better term, troy and abed come of age throughout the run of community. they figure out who they are as individuals.

and, frankly, as geothermal escapism put it best, it's impossible to figure out who you are on your own when you're being consumed by another person. i'm not saying that either one of them is guilty of this, but what started as a close but casual 'fling' of sorts between the two of them became increasingly intense to the point of overwhelm, and as they started moving away from their early-season caricatures and becoming complex and flawed and human, things between them naturally became more intense on a deeply emotional level. the writers recognised this. never crossing the line into romance, they had to express troy and abed's love for each other through every other method under the sun. we see them, in their own misguided and silly ways, sacrifice what they want for each other over and over again. until it's too much.

too much to believe? too much to handle?

troy and abed remind me of that very best friend you have as a queer kid. you're stepping out from your parents' or your siblings' shadows for the first time and here's this person to catch you. you love them more than words can say. then they're gone, because nothing so childish lasts, and you can't really explain why it meant what it did. the person they were, maybe, and who they were to you, but you also know that no one, no matter what they're like, will ever be this special again.

and so even though we can't cling onto those people, because we get older, we change, we grow up and we grow apart, it is really fucking hard to let go of the first person you've chosen to let into your life.

and because the community writers are fantastic at their jobs, we get to see that reality play out in front of our eyes.

[darkdemeter]

Pshhht dem, I drop this cute idea in your askbox⬇️

The horsemen (And maybe good ol' sammy) reacting to their university student! (Film major) partner inspiring their outfits on them for whenever they have to attend classes. When the horsemen (and sammy) ask why they do that they say that 1) it puts a nice challenge on their fashion skills 2)makes them feel closer to them and makes them feel less overwhelmed throughout the day.

(Inspired by: Ive been wearing horsemen inspired outfits to my uni classes, its super fun)

Have a good day and as always take your time!!!!

--Jer,a Very sleep deprived film major.

WARDROBE INSPIRATIONS

◤✘DARKSIDERS REQUESTS | CATALOGUE Horsemen + Samael x Uni student!GN Reader

NOTES ↳ That sounds like so much fun Jer I love that😭🖤 hope you enjoy my take on this and thank you for the idea submission! WARNINGS❕ ↳ just fluffy and a bit of hurt/comfort (reader gets a little anxious or low on self esteem) — certain someones get a bit thirsty, a wee little suggestive soft!18+ — I think that's it?

────────────────────────

University can be tough. It can get stressful and sometimes, you have to work around it to make it more enjoyable and fun. And hey, considering that the world is still working on rebuilding itself, it doesn't hurt to feel a little bit inspired by the ones acting as humanity's new sentinels. So...

DEATH

Of course you're going to wear skull adornments, whether that be a printed pattern on your clothes or the selected accessories. Yes, you try to keep it simple with a skull shaped necklace that you fiddle with all the time in class. Your professor tends to go into these passionate yet aggressive spews about filmography. To say that it can be overwhelming is putting it kindly, so you often find yourself playing with the little skull attached to its silver chain to keep your mind grounded.

As for the palette of your clothes, you have a very muted, darker shaded selection for your wardrobe. People might call you goth because of it, but hey, it suits the reaper. Maybe -- just maybe -- he slightly encouraged it beneath a dry chuckle and sarcastic drawl. Then you took it literally just to see his reaction... and there wasn't a single fucking thing! This Horseman was like a fucking brick wall. Not a damn bat of the eye, double take or even a half-assed compliment. Yes, it did put the tongue in your cheek and it did make your eyes squint in his direction whenever you stood purposefully in front of the mirror, humming loudly to yourself for an extra few minutes in hopes of gaining his impute. But he'd only say, "You're going to miss your classes." "Dust gives me more feedback and he's a bird! He doesn't even speak English!"

Death only glances up from the grooming process of Harvester, his eyes narrowed and face forever placid; unreadable. "Ugh, right... fine, classes, I'm going..." Death has admittedly played a major role in your life. Funny enough, you travelled the realms with him. A film student and a Horsemen... fun times. Until your sad ending where you lamented the fact that Death indeed played the role of a hero who sacrificed himself. The little skull necklace you wear actually holds a greater significance to you. Death of course noticed how you would caress it nervously, playing with it as you sat at your desk with your laptop screen lighting up your face in the dark. You... found it when Death disappeared into the well and you felt so lost. You had no sense of direction after that and for a while you felt stuck in a looping cycle of grief. Then you came across the unique charm and from them on, you always felt closer to Death, even when you knew he was gone. When you reunited with him, he noticed its presence immediately, huffing that the skull shared a likeness to his own mask. He doesn't at all much care with the way you dress in either casual attire or more flashy styles, merely rolling his eyes and sighing. He'll never fully understand the concept of humans being so focused on the way their clothing apparel looks. But of course, there is a weak point and the grim reaper himself isn't completely immune to this. You did wear that one outfit that had his amber eyes flickering like disturbed flames in the sunken bowels of his mask.

You'd appeared to be divine reincarnate, an intricate piece of artwork that he could fully appreciate. Yes, maybe he was a little prideful that day because what you were wearing was inspired by him. "I like that one. It suits you." Finally! That was the first, and only, compliment he voiced in regards to your actual fashioned outfit. He'd been thankful that his old, worn-down bone mask hid the flaunt of his dusted cheeks that day. Other than that, he relatively remained quiet, keeping his thoughts to himself. The only part he would always train his focus on and visibly show his interest in was that necklace. He understands that it means a lot to you and over time, it's also become tied to him. He's almost had a manic episode when you couldn't find it anywhere in your small room, almost tearing all four walls down with the aid of his siblings to find the necklace. "It's okay! I found it, it was just in the bathroom." But now in the tiring days of uni, hours dedicated more to your studies rather than sleep had you constantly reminded of the little charm around your neck and no matter how daunting the day felt, no matter how hopeless and wrecked you felt when assignments were due; you could always count on the little skull mask to keep you company in the meantime. All in all, Death is more of a sentimental type of reactor, instead focusing on the finer and more meaningful details rather than the materialistic regard. To him, the outfits don't compare to you. Not in a million years. But if you wear something black and form fitting, you're bound to catch those amber eyes on you with a prowess of hunger and admiration...

STRIFE

This gun-slinging Nephilim is just as into your wardrobe fashion as you, I swear. In the beginning, he's a tad or more confused, asking why you appear to be selecting familiar colours to his own armor and attire-- and oh shit, is that a matching scarf? Alright he's sold. Totally isn't also because he saw the few picked out undergarments you tried to sneak past him... You'll catch this witty Nephilim fawning over your matching scarf, it's just a fact. The colours of your recent wardrobe inspired by Strife, often replicate a palette of dark to almost black grays with a lot of lighter toned shades as well. You like to collect little gun and pistol charms that you either attach to your keychain or to your bag you take to class, finding them useful to play with absently while seated in class. However you dress he will find a way to support it because he wants to you feel good and secure in what you wear. "Hey, what's with the sad eyes, babe?" he asks, doing his best to cheer you up. His helm is off, showing off the handsome mug that is his rugged, defined features and that wolfish, fanged grin of his.

He stands behind you and those golden eyes of him stare at you with this fondness you find unworthy of being on you. "I don't think these pants match this shirt. I thought they did when I first bought them but now... I don't think it looks good. I think I'll just wear those sweatpants and hoodie again and get to class." You sound so defeated as you begin to search for the oversized articles of clothing you're opting to hide yourself beneath. Strife, with a sharpened tsk of his tongue and shake of his head, he snatches hold of your wrist and pulls you back to him with a reeling force. "C'mon, give me a twirl." Your brows furrow at this though your lips strain between a smile and grimace.

Was he really trying to compliment the horrible combination you picked out? His brows cock up, silently beckoning you to do so and you do, sighing quietly as you spin around slowly.

"Da-ham! You sure you gotta go to class today? I think missing one lesson for a date is worth it." Cheekily, he adds a wink and you feel your cheeks paint with a warmth an your features ease into a flustered smile. "Maybe after my class today." He grumbles with a pout but overall, he smile doesn't disappear for long. He's glad that he's managed to cheer you up. "I think I know what will put this together," he says and turns, rummaging around your closet like a feverish raccoon digging through trash. You're almost knocked in the head by several belts, an old duffel bag and a few sweaters. Finally, Strife returns and begins to wrap that scarf around your shoulders and neck, styling it much like his with the twin fabrics falling behind you.

"There you are," he grins with a deep chuckle, eyes shining brighter. "Now you've the inspired look of a horseman."

You choke on your words, eyes growing wide. "H-how did you know I—"

He leans down to brush the tip of his nose to yours, pulling you until your front is fully pressed to his own. "I put two and two together, babe. You look amazing in my colours."

As an add on because he knows you need the boost, you'll catch a shadow flittering past the window.

"What the fuck?!—" One of your classmates exclaim. Their reaction is followed by the several others who all rush off to the opposite corner of the classroom.

Only you remain seated, seemingly unaffected by their panic. You've dealt with way worse when you and Strife travelled the realms together, what could possibly be so bad outside—

Your once dullened eyes that were drowning in boredom brighten, lips freed from being nervously nibbled on. You grin widely with your teeth, abashed. Strife stands at the window with an old white poster board pressed flat on the window, scrawled in his handwriting, ' You're outfit rocks babe! ;D '

WAR

The classroom can get very cold in the winter months. And you couldn't subject War to sit beside you in class, providing you with both comfort and heat. So you go out on a mad spree to buy all the warm clothing that reminds you of him, consisting mostly of large, red sweaters and hoodies and scarves. To match the darker under suit of his armor, you pick out many pants and long sleeved tops in the same colour and to finally pull it all together... some stylish ugg boots! And you can't forget the fluffy fingerless gloves you got that match the silver adornments of his gauntlets.

Yes, Strife and Fury did catch you wearing this very replicated outfit the way to class and somehow they actually managed to mistake you for War, thinking that he shrunk. When War arrives at your dorm and enters, he can't find you at first. He only hears the muffled sound of your voice that beckoned him inside. "Y/N? Where are you?" he asks, head sloping sideways like a confused pup. You spring out from under the mountain of clothes piled on your bed. He'd thought he'd awoken an old demi-god from the way you rose up.

"Hi!" you greet happily, arms thrown out and you jump into his arms that catch you in a hug. "What is all of this?" he asks after he sets you back down on your feet and with a giggle, you pull him a little closer. "Okay, okay, so you know how I attend my university classes still?"

"I thought the building was destroyed..."

Your lips purse together in thought. Yes, the building was in a sorry state, so much so that it was why the classroom suffered poorly in winter. "Yes," you squeak out, "and winter is approaching and the room gets really cold. So! to counteract this, and the fact that I miss you. A lot. Everyday. I bought an abundance of clothes that were inspired by you!"

You can see the cogs in his head turning and the way his eyes narrow into a thoughtful glare. To further get across what it was that you meant, you began to piece together your outfit that would funnily enough be your damn near replica to his outfit in a more human, casual sense. "I see," he drawls lowly. He watches as you collect the articles off the bed and rush off to the bathroom. "Wait until you see it, it's going to blow your mind."

Some minutes pass by and War slowly paces back and forth across the flat of your dorm, waiting. The click of the door alerts him and he spins on his heel, his blue eyes beaming down the short hall at you. You step out, adjusting the red cowl of your hood and walk towards him, almost with a cocky saunter in your step. "What do you think?" He takes a moment before his scarred lip forms into a smile a the sight of it makes your heart melt. "I like it. You were inspired by me?" "Mhmm!"

You begin to do a little dance, showing off your outfit in a more silly fashion, laughing to yourself with the way War's eyes peel wider open, staring at you with this striking awe, unblinking. "Think I pulled off your look?"

"Without a doubt, my little human." He pulls you into his chest, his lips brushing over the crown of your head as he smothers you with his warmth, erasing the profound chill in your room and you sigh in contentment.

FURY

Fury just about walked right out of the shopping mall the instant you crossed the threshold. But with some words of encouragement and maybe a promise that you'd spoil her with some of that famous Gelato joint, she crossed the most dangerous battlefield she ever could in this lifetime. She notices how you keep looking at her every few seconds as you browse the clothing section, eyes squinted in your study. There were a few times she snarled, "What?"

"Nothing," you reply with a dismissive shrug. Oh, you could not handle the way she was judging you throughout the checkout process, almost scrutinising every piece you ran through. But thankfully, she seemed distracted with the gelato to forget about the shattering of your piggy bank.

She is astute and observant but it appears she missed the pattern of your choice of wardrobe until after you got back to the dorm and began to style and try on a few different combinations to find the most suitable ones. Like a switch turning on, she bluntly asks, "Did you pick out clothing that resembles me?" Sheepishly, you nod. But then Fury's lips quirk into a smugly laced smirk, eyes thinning in that prideful boast. You couldn't help but smile back. You're friends in class were going to be so jealous... and Fury was on board with that notion.

In fact, she is quite the fashion guru. A hidden talent of hers and one so deeply suppressed that even she was in awe herself with the outfits you both were putting together. She did swear you to secrecy that this side of her remain between the two of you, willing to load the credit onto you instead if only to save face from her brothers.

A strange mix of autumn and spring wear, a rainbow of aesthetically aligning colours from maroon, white and paler tones of purple. Silver jewelry is much suited to Fury, but if you do wear gold, it has to be simple. Maybe some golden, small hooped earrings, a golden ring or two and a thin gold chain necklace. You stand before Fury, two sleeved tops hovering back and forth on their hangers as you try to decide which one. "What do you think, Fury?"

"That one," she points at the dark maroon short, not even giving the other one a spare glance. Before you can even ask if she wants to see the other one, she interjects haughtily. "It matches your eyes better, I find." Her lips suddenly clap shut, slimming. She's never been that forward with her compliments before.

Warmth covers your cheek and neck. Was that her way of complimenting you? With a nod, you then toss aside the other shirt in favour of the one she chose. Pulling it over your head, you indeed agree that it looks much better, matching your eyes in a way that draws attention to them.

"You're really good at this, Fury," you giggle and you watch her shake her head, looking away. She only hums in agreement and you turn to her with a frown. Was something wrong? Cautious and aware that her temper did always get the best of her at times, you approach her and sit beside her on the bed. Your hand finds hers, squeezing it tenderly. "You okay?" "Yes, yes I am... I just..." Every time you almost catch her white, glowing eyes, she's quick to turn away.

"Fury, talk to me."

"It's just— you look so beautiful and I... I don't understand."

Your eyes lower to look down at your feet, pondering for a moment. Swallowing and calming the rapid pace of your heartbeat, time announcing the nearing hour of your class long since forgotten. "You know... it can get tedious in class sometimes. Boring and cold too. Even when my friends are there, I get this weird sense that I'm alone and I never feel that way when you're around."

Fury's head finally lifts up and she meets your gaze. "Then why don't just stop attending?" Her question is abrupt. Yes, it could be read as selfish but also, from her view, why waste your time with something you don't see worthwhile. You sigh with a shrug.

"I enjoy what I'm studying. But what I'm trying to say is that I had this thought that if I inspire my clothing after you, then maybe I won't get that strange and awful feeling when I'm in class. I hope that it lets me feel closer to you when you're not there with me."

Your fingers twine and wrangle together, taunting the bones and knuckles to ache under your grip and your knee bounces, uneasy. You wait for her to say something -- anything. She turns to you and loops an arm around you, pulling you close to her.

"Oh human, you're a silly little creature. But I love that about you and know that I'm never far."

(+ Bonus) SAMAEL

Samael adores you and your fashion statement in a way that only a demon lord can, going as far to even have intricate and unique accessories made to fit the style you're going for. He has a dark love for the many shaded pigments of red you chose in your recent shopping haul. He may be a dweller of the hellish pits but he is the Lord of Blackstone Keep. Give him credit, he has taste.

He watches you with a keen amount of interest, either silently smirking as he rolls his hand down the pronounced horn of his chin and his ember eyes flaring with that of a breathing hearth. Showers you with compliments that are undoubtedly laced with a sensual undertone -- Samael savours you and lusts for you in a way no mortal is capable of.

Samael is especially interested in the outfits you pick out that appear more flashy or risqué. He wonders if you're trying to purposefully flaunt yourself like a majestic peacock at this point but you are his dear one, he expects no less. He has a major complex that all the eyes of your peers should be upon you.

But there are times that you don't have confidence that day in what you're wearing... "I don't know, Sammy..." you sigh, shoulders deflating with what little remained of your self esteem. His hands cover you entirely, over your shoulders and down to your waist and thighs. "Shall I have the blacksmiths forge something to add to it?"

You shake your head, humming in thought as you gaze at your reflection. It's not that you think something is missing, in fact you think you may be overdoing it.

"Should I go with something more simple this week? I don't really have the energy, not with all these assignments due."

Samael huffs to himself. Not to belittle you, he just deems that any human who isn't you is beneath you, that you shouldn't have need to resign yourself to such lower thoughts and worry. No, he says again what he always says. "My dearest one, you are the grandiose of your kind. You are far more intelligent and stunning than those other mongrels who scrape at your feet an your so-called professor... hmph, he sounds more of a court jester than an actual expert in his study."

He tilts your chin up higher, raising both your gaze and your spirits and his lips twist into that crooked smirk you have come to love. Shyly, your lashes flutter as you blink and try to let your eyes fall away, but Samael doesn't relent. "Anything you wear, I believe looks perfect on you." "Aw, thanks, Sammy." You giggle, feeling an improvement in your mood and after another once over and turn here and there, you can't remember what it was you were so worried about. It's a fucking gorgeous outfit and most of all, it was inspired by Samael. You know he devours the thought that he is the muse of your inspiration. Humans often inspired by a great source that fuels their creation, of course he is greatly prideful in that. "But I am not opposed to seeing it all on the floor," he teases with a low purr and you physically have to bat away his creeping hands with a yelp, shielding your hotly reaction from him as he chuckles darkly.

"Samael!"

[sasageyoarmin]

Hello can give dating levi ackerman x reader headcanons please 🙏 ☺

hi !!! i've been wanting to do one of these for a while , so here goes :

*p.s. let me know if you want a more nsfw version in the future ;)

content : levi x reader , just fluff !!

levi ackerman dating headcanons :

•••

levi is definitely one of those guys that has a hard shell on the outside but can be very soft on the inside if he finds the right person, and you happen to be that person

he is a man of very few words around those who he isn't very comfortable with, but he tries to be more talkative around you

even though he may not say much at times, he really does love you and means it when he does express it

levi's love language is acts of service, so you'll often find him doing simple tasks for you, from putting the dishes away to dusting every single piece of furniture

he is genuinely a very sweet person who just wants to make you feel comfortable and attended-to at all times

he will always be there for you if you're struggling mentally, physically, or emotionally

he is actually a decent cook, and you love to watch him prepare all of his new recipes

obviously, levi is a major clean freak, so this plays a large role in your relationship, and it can sometimes cause problems if you tend to leave a messy space or not clean up after yourself

however, communication is key with him; as long you talk it out, there shouldn't be many problems

on the more serious side of things, levi - like most of us - struggles with his mental health at times, so he needs someone to talk to and to understand him

he can often get moments of loneliness, depression, and anxiety, so checking up on him every so often is key

personally, i think levi would struggle with symptoms of ocd or ocpd, and they would affect his daily life at times

for example, needing to be in constant control and doing everything in a strict, orderly fashion is important to him

if he has any compulsive behaviors present, those would make him feel very anxious and overwhelmed

he checks the oven, curling iron, light switches, windows, and the doorknobs multiple times before leaving the house or going to bed, which can be very time-consuming, so work with him

speaking of going to bed, levi finds it very difficult to sleep sometimes due to his insomnia

he's been through a lot and has seen some of the worst things imaginable, so his mindset is "if i don't sleep, i won't be able to have nightmares about those awful moments"

he doesn't like telling you about his insomnia, because he wants to make sure that you get adequate sleep

however, a little bit of tea and consolation may get him to open up to you about his issues

when you two are cuddling, levi's arms tentatively wrap around your waist in a spooning position before you curl into him

he hates being little spoon, as it makes him feel like a vulnerable kid, so that only happens once in a blue moon

if you get periods, he is completely understanding of your symptoms and will always be there to rub your stomach, give you a massage, or even just let you cry into his shoulder

he is very worried for your health when you get sick, as he has lost too many of his closest friends ;(

therefore, he can be overprotective of you (regardless of whether you want that or not) but you know that he has good intentions

also, extremely random but i have a personal hc that levi absolutely loves 80s and 90s rock n roll, like he is such a depeche mode fan

levi loves you so incredibly much, and although he may not say it 10 times a day like some other people (i'm looking at you, reiner), he expresses this love in a multitude of other ways, and always makes sure that you both feel loved .

[nejishadow]

Shadow Weapon Ken Masterpost [WIP]

Decided I should make something to centralize all the info I have or may make about my Shadow Weapon Ken AU, so people can peruse if they want.

Since this is a rough guide for an AU, I just drew over official art and models. I used Ken's DLC costume image for the main ref. The battle icon for... well, the battle icon. And his Q2 image to showcase some outfit differences. I'll make a whole set of outfit refs... eventually.

This may change formatting or anything else at any time. Feel free to ask any questions on this post or in my inbox. I'm forgetful when making posts like this, or can't think of everything people might want to know, so any answers might be added in!

Everything under read more for now, the way I format this stuff for readability makes it long

If this gets too long it may be moved to a Google doc with this post being a hub or summary of images and fics / links

All fics about this concept will be uploaded to this Series on my AO3. As of Dec 2nd, there are 5

[Basic Info] - Swaps places with Aigis. He is still found when they go on vacation to Yakushima. Aigis' exact details for the swap haven't been decided yet beyond that she's a foreign exchange student, but will be built upon over time / she'll get her own post. - Immediately bonds to Makoto upon meeting him. Their bond in this AU is something more like a parent and his kid. - Programmed to view himself as a real boy and only that. If he ever perceives himself as an android / ASW he either shuts down or forgets / overwrites the realization. - Ikutsuki will not tell them why he's programmed that way, he generally refuses to tell SEES anything about Ken, beyond him being an Anti Shadow Weapon who will be a great help to the cause. - Ken was a major test to see if the Persona of a machine convinced it was fully human, rather than just human-like, would be stronger. Even more if the openmindedness and potential of a child would further it. Especially one who didn't want to lose anything. - He has some falsely implanted memories, thinking he had parents that were lost in an accident, hence his lack of family. This doubly fuels his attachment to Makoto because he doesn't want to lose anyone again. - Tends to be bullied or picked on by other students because he acts just enough different for them to pick up on it. This leads to him occasionally leaving school early or skipping, so on those days he can typically be found at Gekkoukan High with a member of SEES -- usually Akihiko or Makoto -- or in the student council room. If he's wandering around town, he's likely to be at the bookstore or hanging out with the stray cats. - Moves very quietly, so people outside of SEES are likely to forget he's around or not notice his approach. This doesn't help the above point, since he can easily listen in on people talking about him without getting caught, and some kids also think he's weird even for that. - He still is part of the soccer club / soccer team. He sees it as a way to keep his reaction time in top shape and blow off steam. He's the best player, but it makes him no friends, only isolating him farther due to jealousy. - Doesn't like eating food unless he's seen it being made. This doesn't apply to SEES (sans Fuuka for a long long time) after he comes to trust them, as he learns exactly how they all cook. - Has issues with volume control when he gets very excited, headphones or not. Liable to tap his feet or flap his hands when he's happy. Very easily loses track of time when focused. - Has trouble sleeping when it's too quiet, a side effect of his ASW programming constantly scanning for threats. - Can be snide or petulant when overwhelmed or irritated. He tries his best to be polite and mature but he can't keep up that energy forever.

[Visual Info] - Ken's model is closer to Metis than Aigis, more doll-like. He is meant to be very lightweight so he can move quickly and quietly, aiding in his use of his weapon - a sniper rifle. - His headphones are removeable as they simply aid in enhancing or blocking his hearing. He always has to keep his hearing aids on, headphones on or not, to hear properly. He panics if they're touched without permission. - He's almost always covered -- wearing pants, gloves, and high collars all year round -- to hide his body from everyone. - He perceives his body as fully human. This allows him to do things like change clothes and keep up his hygiene without shutting down constantly. He still avoids activities like swimming, assuming he doesn't know how, so it's scary. - Expression defaults to being flat. This leads some people to think he doesn't like them when meeting for the first time. Copies / mimics Makoto without thinking, standing like him or putting his hands in his pockets, and picks up the habit of tilting his head from him. - This AU design is supposed to invoke the smallest bit of P4AU Ken, since the longer/fluffier hair helps hide more his neck / body suit.

[Battle Info] - His main weapon is a sniper rifle. Only one shot per turn, but higher crit rate. - His Personas are still Nemesis and Kala Nemi, to avoid any messy or confusing persona swaps. His reason for having them will just shift (will be added here once expanded upon). - Skills more lean towards battle/support than healing, but Theurgy is still revival in honor of his false memories. - Lower defense stat but higher attack stat. Not quite a glass canon, but good to keep a healer around. - If heavily damaged in battle he shuts down to protect himself. His programming rationalizes this as passing out or being sick.

[SEES Social Info]

- Defaults to addressing everyone as "[Last Name]-San" out of respect. He slowly switches to "[Last Name]-Senpai", or for Akihiko just senpai, as he grows closer and gets more comfortable with them. He always refers to Shinjiro as Aragaki-San, and affectionately called Koromaru Koro-chan.

- Gets along best with Makoto, looking up to him as a leader and as a parental / brother figure. Makoto treats Ken like he himself wanted and needed after his parent's accident, and doesn't treat him lesser for his status as an Anti Shadow Weapon. - Isn't sure about Junpei, but warms up to him. Junpei's just psyched to have a little brother to joke around with, human or not. Junpei may be the worst at slipping up in his wording, but he's quick to correct or redirect. - Yukari is the best at having conversations and treating him like a normal kid. She fully understands the harm that may come to him otherwise, and is determined to keep him safe, in spite of Ikutsuki's blasé attitude. - Mitsuru is a bit more strict with him. Ken assumes this is because he's a kid and so has to be more careful. Mitsuru worries about Ken and helps Makoto keep everyone in line about him. - Still looks up to Akihiko, and respects his strength. Akihiko has a hard time fully addressing him as human, slipping up occasionally, but does his best to keep Ken involved / treat him like a normal child. - Adores Koromaru and will take him on walks whenever he can. He almost feels like he can understand him, unable to realize he can. Koromaru will hang out with Ken on nights everyone else is asleep, and Ken is restless. - Ken is very wary of Shinjiro. If he's in the vicinity of Makoto, Ken won't ever be far off, keeping an eye on things. Ken's programming tells him something is off about him, but unable to pinpoint what. He does still enjoy his cooking, and is cordial for the team's sake. - He respects Fuuka's varied knowledge, and likes hearing about what books she's currently reading or what she's programming. He still refuses to try her food, after the Incident.

[Other Social Info] - Does not like being around Ikutsuki and will keep as far away as possible, usually standing behind Makoto or another member of SEES. He only feels danger from him, but assumes he's just being paranoid so doesn't bring it up unless prompted, and is quick to dismiss it. - Occasionally interacts with other social links, though the majority are rarely out and about so only sees those if he meets Makoto at his school. - Knows Maiko and Akinari from the shrine, but wouldn't consider them close friends. Occasionally hangs out with Maiko, but generally thinks he's too mature to do stuff like play on a playground. Likes to listen to Akinari talk about his book, finding the ideas very interesting. - Thinks Kenji is kind of a loser, but is nice to him for Makoto's sake when he's over. They have a small bond over Featherman, if nothing else. - Sees Mamoru out eating sometimes, and will join him for a break since Makoto thinks highly of him, and since Mamoru is very nice to him since he's used to interacting with kids due to his siblings.

[crusherthedoctor]

💜🤍🖤💖

💜: Which character is way hotter than everyone else seems to think?

mfw I'm Guptill89. He was too based for his time.

Anyway, to be a little more... let's say tactful, I think Elise has a pleasant design that was simply let down by '06's in-game cutscene models. Shahra has a pretty design too, but I've never seen anyone mock hers compared to Elise. If we're counting NPCs as well, I like Hualin's design too.

In general, I think a lot of the game character designs manage to be very aesthetically pleasing... with some exceptions like Silver. Whether they're going for awesome or cute, they're usually nice. :> This is why I get really annoyed when people go "nah, these designs suck, let's make Sonic a real hedgehog and give Rouge a realistic bat face", as if they learned nothing from the original Sonic movie design.

🤍: Which character is not as morally bad as everyone else seems to think?

Already answered this, but I've got another one: Mario.

It's not as common nowadays, but for a long time, Mario got demonized up the ass and was constantly painted as the true villain. This would usually come in the form of being an abusive brother to Luigi (despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary), or oppressing poor innocent Bowser (ignore all the things he's done pls).

🖤: Which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think?

You guessed it, it's Eggman.

"He's not so bad deep down" No he isn't.

"He wants to avenge Gerald" No he doesn't.

"He likes Sonic" Respects him as an opponent, hates the shit out of him as a person and would still gladly kill him without regret. Game Eggman is not Boom/X Eggman.

"He doesn't want the world to be destroyed" Because he can't conquer it if it's not there, and as shown with the Bad Futures in CD, he doesn't care what potential dire state the environments and their inhabitants are in as long as they serve him, with the only exception being his own personal quarters (ie: Metropolis in Forces). Not exactly signs of an altruistic person with good intentions at heart.

"He hasn't done anything seriously terrible like the other villains" Sure, if you ignore the time he fired a missile in a populated city. Or the time he enslaved an innocent alien race. Or the time he showed absolutely no moral grievances over Infinite's sadistic antics and only punished him for being a fuck up. Or the time he broke the planet into pieces... twice. I'm sure his repeated attempts to kill children as young as Cream can also be handwaved away.

Eggman is every bit as messed up as Black Doom, Erazor Djinn, etc. Him acting goofy and some (key word: some) of his actions being presented in a semi-comedic light should not invalidate that, especially when Surge - the so-called Forces game changer according to Evan Stanley - lost to a Motobug and tripped over some bolts.

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

"All of them" might as well be my catchphrase with how many times I've said it.

I'm serious though, it really does seem that I'm destined to be at odds with the rest of the fandom on virtually everything now. I absolutely hate it. It is not fun in the slightest. You wanna know why I was so happy to join in on all the Vivian gushing when the TTYD remake came out, aside from already loving Vivian as a character anyway? Because I was starting to forget what it was like to actually be on the same wavelength as the majority of a fandom on anything. That's how monumentally unlucky I am with my Sonic preferences.

The characters who are super popular tend to be the ones I'm either indifferent to or straight up dislike, while the ones I vibe towards tend to be largely ignored (Ariem) or criticised for *checks notes* not being reptilian enough (Trip). The most recent games (and comic) that prove We Are So Back are the ones I can't stand, while the ones that actually had my investment are either ignored or placed alongside Colours and Forces as the new Worst Sonic Game of All Time for the heinous crime of having some flaws, by people who unironically white knight '06. There's also the neverending fandom push for Sonamy and all the attention it receives, whereas I remain unconvinced by its alleged chemistry more than ever. And of course, you can compare how I see Eggman VS how the rest of the fandom sees him.

I used to think my fandom status was a tragedy. But now I realise... it's a comedy. *puts on Sonudis facepaint*

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

What now? On destruction and reconstruction, and Loki's hand in our syscovery

This post is long, as it's both about our spiritual practices and our plurality as a whole. I wish I could chop it up but each aspect is too important to the other. We want our blogs to help normalize plurality, and show people what it's like for us, so I suppose this does that.

CW for a brief description of memory loss.

We've been asking ourselves "what now" for some time, regarding our spiritual practices. We have no answer. Recently, we were asked to chat about our practices- and we were thrilled! We love infodumping about our craft. Which is why we were surprised when... it's taken days to figure out what to say. We still haven't answered, in part because we're busy but in part because it brought us to the realization that we haven't touched our practice in so long that we barely remember it.

Our memory has always been questionable at best; but this was... bothersome. Sad, at first. It just... slipped away. Such a big part of our life, gone almost entirely from our memory. Our life as "just Frog" was a blur of dissociation and masking. Our practice was loved, but ultimately, it was a blur.

As I'm typing this I'm (affectionately) cussing at Loki, because I've just put it together; this is, albeit not entirely, his work. We view Loki as destruction for the sake of reconstruction; He tears things down to build them anew better. Chaos can be destructive, but chaos is undeniably an element in which anything can happen. To say our life has been chaos since we realized we were plural is a fucking understatement.

We had to reorganize how we think. Thinking, for lack of a better way to say it, is what we view as the most private, intimate expression of self- it's what you do constantly, all the time, like it or not. Even if you're a singlet (non-system) and reading this post, which means the world by the way, I'd like you to imagine this. Imagine if you had to take thoughts you had always thought of as your own, and assign them to the correct other people in your head- who it had actually been all along. And then imagine you have to consistently figure out which thoughts are yours, and which are those other people. Admittedly, some of our followers who get more direct communication from their deities may already have a bit of insight into what that's like. We had a lot of work to do, and that was just the beginning of it.

Traits had to be sorted out, then. Do I like tardigrades, or am I just going off of memories of liking them that belong to someone else in our collective? I feel no emotions when I think of them like I expected to. Do I like the clothes we wear? What would I wear instead? Shit, what are my pronouns? It was, admittedly, a lot. Our altar sat, untouched, because... just like everything else, our practice was something we felt needed to be sorted out. It's overwhelming to look at an altar for so many deities and know that you're not sure if you yourself work with all of them, or any of them. It's overwhelming for something you once took great comfort in to suddenly become drastically unfamiliar, because you and who you are has changed in a very literal way.

But back to the fact that we don't remember our practice as "Frog and only Frog." This was devastating, at first. I felt it was a loss of sorts.

I don't think it is, anymore.

Like I said; Loki is destruction for the sake of reconstruction. The Tower, or at least how we tend to interpret it. Everything in our life got turned upside down, and lately we've been feeling like we're picking up the pieces of our practice. Or more accurately, like we lost the whole fucking thing. So... We make a new one. We rebuild. That's where we are, now. Typing up this post, with Loki sitting beside me, giving off the vibes of someone very proud of himself. Our practice was built on what the community gave us- which was wonderful, and we still appreciate it and are likely to use it. But what we need now is... something else. Something more personalized to us. So we'll make our practice anew, with our guides and deities by our side, and it'll look completely different than before. But hopefully, it'll be a lot better for us in the long run.

I guess my hope that some people enjoy reading about it as we begin anew, and maybe we can help some people learn more about others or themselves. We are The Haven Keepers, and I think we're starting over in a way.

-Rayne, he/they/it.

[theladyragnell]

hi nell! since you're a pretty prolific writer, i was just wondering if you have any words of wisdom about writer's block. i've always had the bad habit of abandoning projects the moment i get stuck, so the overwhelming majority of fics i've published have been one-shots. any advice/recommendations would be appreciated!

With the disclaimer that while I have been writing for Decades, I never really feel myself qualified to give advice, alongside the disclaimer that writing advice tends to be incredibly personal, so if you don't think anything I say is relevant to you, trust yourself over me! I discard so much writing advice because it's simply not how my brain works.

So, when I get writer's block, one of the following things is usually what is happening.

a. I went wrong anywhere between one sentence and five paragraphs ago. This is the kind of writer's block where I sit down for a writing session and cannot get beyond the sentence I am stuck on, can't see my way forward in a scene. The cure for this one is easy! I delete the last sentence. If that doesn't work, I delete the last paragraph, and so on and so forth. It just means I took a wrong turn, that someone's characterization off or a conversation isn't going to do the job I need it to do, something like that. A few times I've had to restart from the beginning, worst I did for that I'd made it almost 10k into The Wrong Version Of A Concept.

b. I want something to be perfect and I freeze. I'm a firm believer in "perfect is the enemy of good" and more than that, "perfect is the enemy of done." If I'm writing something high-stakes for some, something that stretches my writing skills, I can get all in my head about it, and write incredibly slowly or just stop for a long time because I think I'm not good enough for the work yet. This is one of the hardest things to shake off, because it usually means accepting that there's no way it will be perfect on this draft or maybe any draft. Sometimes it means putting something away for a while, or just giving myself permission to write a draft I know will need editing.

c. I lost interest. Maybe a newer and shinier concept grabbed me, maybe my take on the concept isn't feeling right (which, see the first two points here), but I just don't want to write it anymore. And I write as a hobby! And it seems that so do you! So my advice here is ... if you won't want to write something, don't write it. Sometimes I put something down for a while and come back to it fresh and finish it up, I've got a work or two on the AO3 where that was my process and definitely some original works ditto, but sometimes something just isn't for you.

d. I'm writing something for ... I want to say the wrong reasons, but it's not quite that. I'm not writing for myself, I suppose. Sometimes, writing for other people is a good kind of stretch! I like writing to prompts, or for exchanges, because I like the challenge of making someone happy, figuring out what will make them tick. But it's also hard, because I've learned the hard way I have to find the midpoint between another person's taste and what I'm interested in writing at a given moment. And I feel like a lot of writers, especially in fandom, we can often get to writing for other people's taste more than our own. This particular AU or headcanon is popular now so everybody's got to have a take on it, or this popular author writes like this so maybe if I write like them instead of myself people will like it better. And when I try to write something I'm not interested in, or like someone I'm not, just because I feel like people will like it better, I get stuck. And the only way to fix that is to write things I want to write the way I want to write them.

e. I feel like nobody will like what I'm writing. Yes, I know this is in fairly direct opposition to the last point but it has to be said. I'm writing something niche, or I'm writing a fandom my dearest friends aren't into, or I'm writing an OC, or I'm writing a weird fic format or voice, and so on and so forth. I like feedback, I'm not shy about admitting it, so sometimes when I worry I won't get it, it's hard to motivate. And then my question for myself is always whether I'll regret not writing it, and if I will, then I do it and hope that the story will find its people, even if it's not as many as I daydream about.

You say you post one-shots, as a habit, which means you're writing, and one-shots are great! If one-shots are where your attention span or motivation go, there's nothing wrong with that, anon, and I hope you know it. If you want to try other things, please do! But I couldn't finish this post without saying ... my writing philosophy is that everybody should write the things that make them happy, because life's too damn short not to. You're not under any obligation to write something long.

But if you want to, make sure you're writing what you want to write, the way you want to write it. Backtrack sometimes and make sure you're going in a direction you like. Find a few trusted friends to cheerlead you. And, if a story isn't working for you, choose another one that will!

[toffeebrews]

Abyss

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️😇🧸👻🎶👽💤🦾💝🫂💔 🪢📓👗🔪🌟🥇🍫🎭❤️‍🔥💄🖕😸😬😭😶

Yeah, you’re also doing the entire ask meme. Have fun <3

EVERY SINGLE ONE?? YOU MADMAN???

anyways-

none of this is canon blah blah you get it and abyss is not owned by me but @/metakazkz this is simply my own interpretation.

🏳️‍🌈- Aroace.

🏳️‍⚧️- Don't really have one, maybe demiboy?

😇- I believe the term here is misotheism? Yeah.

🧸- Abyss love for reading manifested in keeping himself occupied while tests were being run on him in the lab. Not that he remembers much of that...

👻- He has a minor fear of blood, probably doesn't help he doesn't have it himself. He also fears being seen as weak or just underestimated. I think he also doesn't like the idea of losing himself.

🎶- Prefers instrumentals over normal music. Likes classical music and gothic rock.

👽- Type to go "erm actually!" and enjoys correcting people 🙄 especially when it comes to the books he reads. annoying ass /j

💤- He actually finds it comforting to sleep with other people, although he finds it a little embarrassing so he won't ask for it. If he does sleep with another person, he tends to lay his scarves like a blanket on the other. He prefers smaller cuddle piles though, he can feel a little overwhelmed otherwise.

🦾- I didn't really have one for this, so I tried to think of one. Perhaps...Magic usage most people can do exhausts him to a much greater extent than others. It can give extreme fatigue, to the point he may just fall asleep in battle. Maybe his enhanced magic takes a great strain on his body? this counts right? ajshskwususkeuwjeiekjehe

💝- Gift exchange or Acts of Service.

🫂- He and Delta are friends... Why? Because why not, that's my answer (I wanted to do this in another post I'll explain it further there).

💔- Alphys has hope that the other members of Abysstale are still out there. Abyss has lost hope they're out there, but won't say it because he doesn't want to admit it. Something dramatic like that. He doesn't like mentioning those "missing" at all just reminds me of what's he lost. He's now scared to let his friends out of sight in fear something will happen out of his control again

📓- Paper crane made him realize he really likes paper crafts! He can make complicated sculptures.

🧬- Papyrus and Him disagree on what Abyss Gaster purpose for them is. Yay!

👗- He dresses in winter outfits because he enjoys the aesthetic of it. He also just likes winter (he canonically prefers winter environments :3).

🔪- He does have offense powers, but uses defensive ones. That's sorta kinda canonish. He eventually learns to make shields big enough to fit more than himself.

🌟- He wants to be looked at a competent leader. Not only by others but also by his own standards. Since he didn't feel like I could be one at first he feels even more pressured not let others down. (that's just one of em but this post is so LONG)

🥇- If you ever need someone to be direct and honest about your flaws look no further than this guy LMFAO.

🍫- He really likes fish, he prefers it raw. Likes fishing with his teeth.

🎭- Generally Abyss is pretty forecoming. HOWEVER!

❤️‍🔥- Doesn't mind doing some romantic actions, but doesn't like having it be read as romantic (does this count?).

💄- He has markings all over his body that glow when he uses his CELL specific magic (haven't illustrated this yet...).

🖕- He has an intense fear of being seen as weaker than others or weak in general so any implications that he IS weak, incompetent, etc make him the

😬 - I don't have anything for this I'm sorry lmfao.

😺- When angry, he growls like a cat. He hisses too, but that's more when annoyed rather than angry.

😭- He feels incredibly guilty about the critical condition papyrus ends up in. He feels guilty that his brother had to come to his rescue /again/.

😶- He has a list of goofy insults within his jacket pocket. It's written by himself when he thinks of a good one.

if some of these shorter or less thought out sorry I started running out of stream lmfao

[positivelyadhd]

hello!! I have returned with another random thought about ADHD/neurodiversity that I feel like I've known for ages but never really had the words for it so! this is partially an infodump because I can't shut up but also if you don't mind reading my long ramble on the relationship between ND people and online spaces I would love to know your opinion because I haven't seen many people talking this?

I have written a long rambly thought dump that I'll put under the cut if you want to know the details but the TLDR is: I think something about the internet is just a lot more suited to ND people and gives us more of a place to unmask than the real world does? in my experience, the more online I was the more unmasked and happy in myself I was but when I started masking to fit in in the real world I kind of,, lost that?

I've always felt there's a very strong link between neurodivergent people and social media and well tend to gravitate towards each other (which I adore and would love to write an essay about one day when I can function better! I wanted to study it for my dissertation at uni but there wasn't really enough to go on sadly </3)

but I've also been thinking about masking and I just realised,,, in my own life at least, I feel like online I naturally unmask? and I don't know if that's because I'm around neurodivergent people online more often and them unmasking makes me feel safe to unmask or if it has more to do with the way social interactions are inherently different online (I always feel there's less room to overthink/it's less draining. I only have to think about my words rather than body language/expression/volume/how the other person is responding ect ect)?

I have been chronically online since I was about 12 and that has shaped me as a person very much (and saved me too <33) but I always felt more able to unmask online and was also more likely to actually be rewarded for it? by meeting other neurodivergent people that would talk about The Thing We Love!!

I met my best friends online and they all happen to be neurodivergent (although we didn't know at the time!) and I know this is a very common experience for neurodivergent people! and it's partly why I think the internet is so wonderful!

when I was younger I had a fanpage on Instagram that got more followers than it should've given how young I was and I'd become a part of a community I was so happy and safe in which kind of,, made up for the fact I didn't have that at all in school?

I have been having the usual quarter life crisis recently and a lot of that is because in those few years I had no friends but an online space I loved I was so sure of myself and my identity I think because I had a space I could unmask freely? I also wasn't very good at masking at school so I struggled to fit in but I was happier knowing I could be myself then trying to force myself to be something I wasn't?

eventually I did make friends irl who I adore but around that time is when I started to lose who I was, I hadn't realised until just now that the time I started fitting in with other people was the same time I stopped doing the things I loved and ended up so burned out most everyday tasks are overwhelming?

also like I see a lot of people say, getting my diagnosis taught me to start understanding how to accept myself and it changed my life for the better! my school didn't do anything to support me but I learnt a lot about myself and started to understand that I am,, different to neurotypical people and that's okay!! however,, back then the neurodoversity movement was nowhere near as great and listened to as it is now so I feel like I almost,, gave up? felt like I'd been told by the external world so many times that I had to mask that I learnt how to?

i think unconsciously I started masking instead of trying to grow towards self acceptance like I was before. but with the way the wider world is talking about neurodiversity now I feel like the whole concept of unmasking is more acceptable now? also I am an adult that can make my own decisions not a 13 year old that has teachers and other 13 year olds so I don't have to deal with people not accepting me the way I did when I was younger?

idk if that makes any sense but I have many thoughts about masking ! thank you for reading <3

[lisannastraussisanangel]

Hello! I hope you're having a good day! Would you happen to have any Levy & Pantherlily headcanons?

I literally gush about the way Levy was hugging him during the gmg all the time. They are so underappreciated

Levy is the only person allowed to hold him

He even purrs when she pets him (Gajeel is violently jealous)

Lily is super protective over her. He's always by her side during battles and will kill someone if she asked

Levy really enjoys listening to him talk about his life in Edolas. Besides just genuinely enjoying learning about him, Levy is also a glutton for learning about the world as a whole

Levy reads to Lily during thunder storms. It really helps calm him down

Lily tends to get overwhelmed by all the noise of the guild and will often hide with Levy in the library

He trains with her often. Lily is really adamant that Levy gets physically stronger. Not because he thinks she's weak, but because he thinks she has a lot of potential and would love to see her kick Gajeel's ass

Lily knew Levy was pregnant before anyone else. Including Levy

You know how pets get pretty clingy towards pregnant people? Lily is the scariest version of that. Gajeel tried moving him to sleep next to Levy and almost lost his arm

Lily straight up body guards the room while Levy is giving birth. I'm talking full out pacing with his sword in the doorway

He tries to do the same when the babies are brought home but Levy settled him down and they compromised on him sleeping in the nursery

[obsoleteozymandias]

hello!! i'd like to request a twisted wonderland matchup if ur still doing them! if not that's totally cool :) feel free to ignore this!!

here's my info!!

i use any pronouns and i'm aroace irl, but i still like fictional characters LOL. my mbti is intp, and my "big three" zodiacs are pisces sun, aries moon, and sagittarius rising.

personality: for how i'd describe myself, i'd definitely say i try my best to be optimistic about things. whenever i ask people if my personality is the sun or the moon, they usually say i'm the sun LOL. i've been told that i have a relaxing voice and that i have a comforting presence. from my perspective, i'm decently quiet and shy and i get pretty nervous talking to new people irl, but once the conversation gets going, i can talk to anyone just fine. i tend to be agreeable, and i think i'm pretty easy to talk to. my friends say i'm a sweet person , but that i also seem to get lost in my thoughts a lot or daydream often. i've also been told by many people that i'm pretty funny, and my humor tends to rely on a mix of my vocabulary and the latest trends. i'm playful and silly by nature, often teasing my friends and goofing around, but i'm also capable of providing genuine advice and comfort to people if they need me to. i like a lot of playful banter in my life. i've also been told that i'm trustworthy and reliable whenever i work with other people. additionally, i'm more detail-oriented, mainly because i like to go in-depth and consider things with logic if i can. but, at the same time, i can be a bit impatient and impulsive if i really want something, but not so much that i do anything too reckless, if that makes sense LOL.

likes: psychology (so much so that i want to pursue a career in it), astrology, history, playing video games (mainly roblox, cookie run kingdom, the persona series, and twst), sweet stuff and candy, watching the sunrise, sleeping / taking naps, cats, listening to music

dislikes: bugs (i'm terrified of them ☹️ just the thought of touching them makes me shudder with fear), dirty rooms, injustice, canned green beans (i gagged last time i ate them 😭), singing in front of other people, dancing (only bcuz i'm really bad at it and it's embarrassing, LOL), overly arrogant people or people who think they're "above" me

hobbies: i spend a lot of my free time on my phone and in my room. i don't go to new places often, but i love to play games with my friends and chat on the phone. occasionally, i'll try out a new makeup look that i find online since i'm somewhat into beauty stuff. i usually spend a couple hours a day on tiktok (my attention span is cooked 🙁), but lately i've been trying to get back into drawing or painting!! i want to utilize a bit more of my creativity instead of just sitting around all day LOL. additionally, i'm a bit of a clean freak, so if a room in my house is getting a bit dusty, i'll dedicate a few hours to cleaning it up and reorganizing.

extra: im super sorry if this ended up being rlly long 😭 tysm for ur time!!

Extra info means extra points to write about no need to apologize!

== Twisted Wonderland ==>

I match you up with…

Rook Hunt

Pre-relationship:

Rook sees your inner beauty, as he does with most people, right away. The instant he meets you he’s going on about how lovely you look, and how your shyness hides away a vivid personality. 

How does he know these things? Pure instinct. But it’s a refined and usually correct instinct, so make of that what you will. 

He flutters around you day in and day out, asking you questions and testing you reactions to anything and everything. He’s a bit overwhelming at first, but once you really get to know him, he’s a reliable friend and always there to pick you up when you’re feeling down. 

He’s also taken by your interest in psychology. He himself is very observant and notices quite a lot about others that they don’t even know, and so the study of how the mind works fasniates him. If you tell him a factoid or two about psychology, and how you think it applies to one of your classmates or peers, he’ll be thrilled and praise you for your intelligence. 

Once you get close, he’ll often bring out the playful and silly side of you, absolutely taken with your smile and the sound of your laughter. Perhaps it’s then when he realizes that he’s fallen for you.

Confession: 

Rook is a romantic, sure, but he’s also knowledgable about your tastes and preferences. If you’d want a beautiful confession by moonlight, him singing a ballad beneath your window, then you’d get that. If you’d want a small and intimate confession, him gazing into your eyes lovingly, you’d get that. Whatever it was, two things would be certain: it would be terribly romantic, and it would be perfect. 

Relationship:

Whatever hobbies you have, Rook will absolutely be a part of them now. You want to draw? He’ll be your model, or watch you as you create! Playing video games? He’ll be your player 2! Whatever it is, he enjoys it, so long as he gets to be by your side. 

He hides his emotions fairly well from others around him, but when he’s around you, he tends to let you in on some of the smaller or more negative things he feels. It’s here that he appreciates the part of you that gives good advice. 

In turn, he’s always a willing confidant, and absolutely will tell you if you need to take a break from being the school’s therapist. 

He won’t just tell you: he’ll scoop you up and run away with you if needed, laughing like a madman and cuddling you so you wouldn’t be able to escape.

One thing is certain: whatever challenges or trials you face in life, Rook will be there to help you through them. 

[rawliverandgoronspice]

forgive me if I sent this before sdfg But I sorta have this headcanon about the Gerudo? Gender is fucking weird to me anyways, so my brain looks at "they only have a man every 100 years and he's destined to be king" and i'm like 'but why tho'. I like to think their view of gender just doesn't translate well into Hyrulian/a language with gender binary. There are technically trans* people born into the Gerudo (*everyone is assigned 'female' at birth) so they are able to sustain themselves just fine. But the role of like, champion or king or whatever you want to call it, there's a distinction from the average person. Ganondorf isn't special because of his, err, equipment or anything. But this nuance is lost on Hylians, and centuries of misunderstanding contributed to this idea of "ah gerudo only have 1 man" (always did find it backwards that divinity is feminine in this series, yet it's almost always Zelda's father The King who is in charge and gets to be a character)

Ohhh the famed question of Gender Among Gerudo!!!

Okay, so. I think I'm a little weird in that regard. First, I think I need to be a little transparent about how I write, because it changes the way I go about this sort of things. I tend to be the sort of person that kind of gravitates around fictional cultures with really weird gender components and pressure points and then want to scratch at them and push them to their breaking point, because it interests me to see characters struggling to make sense of their identity in these contexts.

Again, all of this is about my own approach/my own creative curiosity and not at all a rebuttal of any other approach!! I'm super interested to see gerudos interpreted across the fandom, it's always so endlessly fascinating!!

(I'm putting it under the cut because I don't know if my own approach interests you, so just in case!)

So. While I think that it would also make sense for gerudo to think of gender in way that are radically different than hylians, I'm personally interested to take the claims at face value and see what sort of people that would create --for better and for worse. I am a big fan of the gerudos, but I also see gender (and especially masculinity) as one of their messiest pressure points.

The reason why that interests me is that an enormous part of Descant's subtext is Ganondorf being completely overwhelmed by the notion of masculinity and its expectations. Having no real blueprint to even understand what being a man is even supposed to imply beyond old legends about kings long dead, more myth than people, the contradictory, vague and messy expectations of the gerudos women who hardly know any better than him (but might say that they do, right Koume&Kotake), and hylian men who are literal threats to his life, actively hated by his people and who get imprisonned/killed if they ever get inside gerudo lands... How in the world are you expected to construct a stable perception of yourself in a context like this? And that's excluding the differences between hylian and gerudo perception of masculinity, or the insane stuff that hylians do project upon him based on their own understanding of gender and gender dynamics. In the end (in Descant), it's Darunia who does the most for him in that regard, though pretty much without realizing it nor the importance that it holds for Ganondorf, and then uhhh everything goes well forever and nobody's people gets eaten by a reanimated dragon very importantly.

I am taking a rather dark interpretation of the gerudos in OoT by taking their situation so literally, buuut I'm that kind of writer unfortunately for everybody involved. :((( This makes their relationship with hylians and their own brithrates very very dire in a war context, makes Ganondorf's appearance in the equation all the more important --but also very... questionable in a lot of ways. Extreme arbitrary gendered power combined with absolutely crushing gender expectations you can't really run away from, and expectations that are far from neutral (that's some wild shit to project onto a literal newborn is all I'll say). I think a Ganondorf raised in such a context might try to do anything for his people, buuut a part of him might also cultivate some resentment for the role bestowed upon him and the fact that he can't just be. This would have uhh implications once he gets a whiff that divine power (so self-definition at its most absolute) is a goal he can strive for.

What can I say, I'm interested in the mess!!!

But I also think trans gerudos are completely fair game, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a social space for trans gerudo to exist without this kind of pressure, especially when, culturally, masculinity is also a function --but I also think sheikahs might be much, much better at the whole gender thing than gerudos are as a culture tbh.

And as far as Goddesses being feminine while Zelda not holding actual power... I agree that it feels weird. I decided to handle this as hylians using it as an excuse to have the Goddesses relegated as religious passivity --blessed symbols of balance-- while having the concrete messiness of down-to-earth power be the domain of men; less pure and heavenly, but also, by definition, more power.

(I think this also changes a lot across Hyrule's history, but again I'm talking OoT era)

Thank you so much for your ask!! I hope I didn't overspill with my own headcanons haha

[summery-captain]

AuDHD traits Dirk Gently Displays - S1E5: Very Erectus

- You may follow the google docs file I'm writing everything down in, also! If you haven't read them yet, links to the first four episodes:

S1E1 - Horizons / S1E2 - Lost and Found / S1E3 - Rogue Wall Enthusiasts / S1E4 - Watkin

Click read more to read the analysis of the fifth episode! Tagging: @clockworkcheetah @urlocallesbiab @generalized-incompetence @amber-angel @goatygoat @frenchfriedgiraffe

> In the scene in the dinner, after they start driving to go look for the 'treasure' based on the map, Todd starts insisting that Dirk has a power and he immediately deflects and shuts down, avoiding eye contact completely, looking around. > The second Todd says "It's you. It's something about you", he goes "I'm not psychic, drop it." - of course this enters the parallel of the whole show being about the holistics having their ties to the universe in different ways, but I've had moments where people know I'm autistic and they start insisting on either me being actually "normal" and it being a superpower, trying to single me or sus me out, and I react similarly to Dirk in this scene > "No!! We are having this conversation", discomfort, "Here, let's do an experiment" EXTREME discomfort - sometimes you're just existing and people want a) an explanation of your whole life and b) for you to prove to be what you say you are > "Look, I can't explain it, ok? I learned a long time ago things don't always make sense the way people want them to" - AuDhd to its barest components– > "You're going to have to accept that too. To. Too. To. Too? Two?" - very common to lose a bit of sense of words both in autism (overwhelmed) and plus ADHD having the common comorbidity of dyslexia 

> Trading the Corvette for the beat down jeep, and when Todd goes "???" he says "It's just a rental!" - he makes decisions and when people express concern assumes it's based on something else, even if it doesn't make sense. So he just says it. I usually know for a fact I won't figure out what they're ACTUALLY judging me for - general inaptitude to read between the lines or figure out social situations 

> Martin tells Amanda, about Dirk, "He's got gourmet panic!" - he just like us, he just like us fr 

> "Don't start with the zen master thing, ok? It worked out a lot better before I figured out you were a mess, too" - people tend to assume we're more put together than they are because we showcase emotions differently 

> When Todd says he's gonna give up on digging, he just goes "Wouldn't this be just one more thing you walked away from, though" - not the sincerautistic murder-- Sometimes I also blurt out things and accidentally read people to filth without fully realizing. 

> He puts clues together and recognizes patterns then blurts it out, classic AuDHD style

 > "(...) I think life is like that too, just an endless series of room with puzzles and eventually one of them kills you" / "That's dark and depressing" - my fellow AuDHD ambassador just drops bombs and doesn't even realize 

> "What is it?" / "A thing" - stating the obvious shouldn't be as funny as it is but it never gets old 

> "You brought the cat?" / "Of course I did" - just. Very cute honestly but also, I too make decisions without fully realizing what it would entail, like bringing a kitten around with you while digging shit up 

> Todd starts venting to him and he's like. Confused - but yet again he tries his very best to support him, saying "When I look behind me, I can't see ahead of me" / "Are you saying dwelling on my past is holding me back?" / "No. I mean I literally can't see what's back there when I'm looking forward" - general literal thinking

> "You know what I was thinking about? When I was staring down at the barrel of that gun?" "...bullets?" - literal thinking part 321 electric boogaloo

> “Everything is connected. But only I can see it… I’m not.. Psychic. But I am something” yeah. Autistic-

> “The hunches don’t help me, ever” - we tend to figure stuff out based on our general understanding of them, trying to consciously clock things others don’t have to think twice about, but the same is true in reverse, where things that may seem impossible for neurotypicals to figure out, we see immediately. Although we may know these things, we’re usually not taken seriously enough or don’t have the bandwidth to actually prevent some things from happening to us or around us.

> “I don’t have any friends, I am always surrounded by bizarre and frightening states of disaster, and I am always alone” - sad part hours, but it’s unfortunately true: we’re always overwhelmed, surrounded by input we can’t filter out, and it is extremely hard to make and maintain friends. But Dirk has found his people and so will all of us, eventually!!

> When Todd says “And Dirk? I am your friend.” - immediate hope, bright red eyes, furrowed eyebrows, then IMMEDIATELY he schools his expression out to nonchalant, so yet again his big reactions don’t push people around him away (both true for Dirk and in our general experience, having had to tone yourself down your whole life does NUMBERS on you)

[auroraescritora]

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME - PERCY/NICO AU HIGH SCHOOL - CHAPTER XXVI

Hi, how are you? I'm late, but I'm here. In this chapter we develop our protagonists' relationship a little more. I hope you enjoy it.

CHAPTER I / CHAPTER II / CHAPTER III / CHAPTER IV / CHAPTER V / CHAPTER VI / CHAPTER VII / CHAPTER VIII / CHAPTER IX / CHAPTER X / CHAPTER XI / CHAPTER XII / CHAPTER XIII / CHAPTER XIV / CHAPTER XV / CHAPTER XVI / CHAPTER XVII / CHAPTER XVIII / CHAPTER XIX / CHAPTER XX / CHAPTER XXI / CHAPTER XXII / CHAPTER XXIII / CHAPTER XXIV / CHAPTER XXV

Nico snuggled deeper into Percy's arms, sighed, and feeling content, picked up the diary next to his pillow. The sun was still hiding in the sky and Nico already felt energized, the excess energy only encouraged that feeling of contentment to intensify. However, something held him in place, making him look out the window, allowing Nico to see the pool and the barbecue area. Never in his wildest dreams did he think that one day he would be so happy, feeling on top of the world.

Things weren't always easy, but Nico wouldn't trade Percy's presence for anything in the world.

He peeked out of the corner of his eye and saw that Percy was still asleep, sprawled out on the bed. Arms spread, belly up, with nothing to cover his body. Nico couldn't help but laugh, his chest growing warmer at the overwhelming thought. If Nico had known the power he had,that with a few words and a little courage, he could have all his  wishes granted, Nico would have done it years ago. Or maybe, he wouldn't. Maybe everything was happening at the right time and at the right moment.

The truth is, it took a long time for Nico to feel like himself, like he was someone worthy of having his own wants and desires, and not merely an object that other people could use.

He remembered very little of his childhood, most of his memories of his mother preserved in photographs, others, cooking or tending the garden with her, everything else lost in the long days before meeting Percy, leaving him with phantom feelings and impressions, hidden in a part of his mind that Nico could not access. However, if there was one thing that Nico still remembered, it was being a shy, lonely and traumatized boy; all he felt was fear and loneliness, alone in his crystal world, made of fictional superheroes and damsels in distress; his mother dead and abandoned by his father, a sister who, when she had time, paid attention to him, saying that his father was busy, but that she loved him. That was why, from an early age, Nico learned not to trust people. They approached him for a reason and they would always take something from him, even his sister, who at that time insisted on convincing him that staying there was better than returning to Italy and, in fact, it was Hades who asked her to keep Nico away from his real family, because, that way, the man would continue to have access to his mother's money as his legal guardian.

In the end, everyone was the same, everyone had the intention of taking advantage of him in one way or another. That is, until Percy showed up. First, Percy offered help. Then, a home, a family, company, affection. And instead of asking something from him, Percy offered and kept offering, leaving him confused for years. Even the money that Nico never had trouble getting, Percy made a point of offering. Or rather, sharing it with him. For many years Nico couldn't understand, how could someone give so much and not want anything in return?

Well, now Nico understood what Percy wanted from him. It just hadn't crossed his mind that Percy might be looking for a friend.

This was so sad and ironic that Nico wanted to cry, he wanted to go back in time and relive everything. Every moment and every laugh, every hug and innocent night shared. He wanted to go back and fix his mistakes before they even happened, he wished he had appreciated it more how things were and changed what happened in these last two years away from Percy, even though they had been essential for both of them.

No, it was better not to torture himself over something he couldn't fix. Nico wiped his face and opened the diary, flipping through the pages, realizing that only now that he had returned to Percy's side, the desire to draw and write had returned with him. It was strange, Nico might have even drawn when he was at his grandmother's house, something to keep himself busy, just to show that everything was okay and to reconnect with his grandfather and cousins. Even the small passages he wrote, those little scribbles, made in the hope that Percy would read them, were something he had lost the will to do during those years away from here.

In some ways, it was liberating. The freedom to do something because he wanted to and to know that Percy accepted him as he was, even if it was his deepest, most humiliating desires, and that Percy still chose to be with him was... it was the best feeling in the world.

Nico brought his hand to his throat, fingering the diamonds in his collar, and looked back at Percy, sleeping peacefully beside him, his chest rising and falling slowly, his long legs stretched out on the bed, a considerable bulge resting between them. Should Nico write something that... would continue to encourage Percy to feel as free as he did? Maybe Nico could reflect on last night?

Nico bit his lip and shrugged. That was why Percy had given him the diary, wasn't it?

“My safe word isn’t ‘no.’ Begging you to stop doesn’t mean I’m telling you to stop.

Tears, crying, and moaning are not a safe word. If I need to use it, I will. Until then, have fun.”

Nico stared at what he had written for a moment. He never imagined that someday he would be writing this kind of thing, but... it felt like something was missing. After all, Percy was giving him exactly what Nico had always wanted, so why not tell him everything he thought? Percy knew all his secrets, what was the harm in telling him all his thoughts too?

“Sometimes I’m not sure about anything. Other times, my whole being wants to be dominated and subjugated by you. Sometimes, I want you to force me, to hold me against the bed and give me no choice. Other times, I want you to just hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. Can you decide these things for me? Can you give me pleasure and make me feel pain, just enough so that the memories of the past fade away?

I'm confused. Other people have hurt me and none of them have made me feel the way you do. Why is it different with you? Why do fear and uncertainty make me float with you?

So don't ask me what I want, just do it. I'll never blame you, you'll never disappoint me. Because I know that with you, I'm safe.”

Gods! He quickly closed the diary and brought it to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut. This wasn't exactly what Nico had in mind! What would Percy think of him? He hadn't meant to put all this weight on Percy's shoulders! He knew perfectly well that it wasn't right or fair to expect Percy to do... do this for him! Nico didn't even know what he was thinking anymore, he was just sure that he didn't want anything to change. Maybe if he hid the diary, Nico could avoid yet another forced therapy session.

Yes, that was what Nico was going to do it! He grabbed the diary and moved forward, wondering where he would hide it. Nico would have done it if Percy's hand hadn't moved to his waist, holding him tight and pulling him towards him. That made Nico stop, staying where he was, like a statue, now pressed against Percy's chest, the sleepy voice sounding near his ear.

"Where does my baby think he's going? Hmm?”

"Per! I... I..." Nico didn't know what to do. If he stuck his face under the pillow and never came out of there, would that be acceptable?  "I couldn't sleep.”

"Then, let Daddy rock you to sleep.”

Nico found it amazing how Percy could turn a simple sentence into a command. Or how he could sound so sexual without putting in any effort in it. Maybe it was all in his head, his anxiety making him see things that weren't even there.

“Baby,” Percy called in that velvety voice, and all his efforts to pretend nothing had happened went down the drain.

Nico turned in Percy's arms and faced him, feeling his body heat up as Percy got closer, now hugging him from behind and massaging his neck, running his hands through his hair. It was these moments that made him realize that he would do whatever Percy told him to do.

"Where did that little head of yours go, hm?”

When Nico continued to stare at him, Percy continued, a playful smile appearing on his lips.

"How about you let go of the diary?”

"Oh.”

Nico hadn't even realized what he was doing, he was hugging the diary to his chest, keeping Percy away from him.

Slowly, Percy raised his hand and took the diary from Nico's hands, staring at the cover of the notebook for a few seconds.

"What are you up to? If I open this, will I find a surprise?”

"What? No! Of course... no." Nico felt his face heat up and tried to think of a better excuse. If he acted quickly, he could still get out of this situation unharmed.

Unfortunately, Nico was too slow. Still smiling, Percy opened the diary, finding the last written page, marked by the pen.

Nico didn't want to look, he didn't! He buried his face in Percy's neck and hoped for the best.

"Hm. Now, now. Safe words? And.." Then, Percy stopped talking in the next moment, tensing up.

However, it seemed that Percy was willing to keep the truce between them. He merely moved and pulled Nico closer, making him sit on his lap. Percy grabbed Nico by the neck, making Nico face him, and kissed his lips, a soft and unhurried touch.

"I love you too. No matter what happens.”

Nico could only nod in agreement, watching Percy's green eyes shine in the dim light of the room.

"I always forget how strong you are. How much you've lived." Percy slid his fingers down the back of Nico's neck and began to stroke his hair there, looking at him seriously. "I promise I won't ask anymore, I won't doubt your decisions.”

"You don't have to do these things for me. It's very selfish.”

"I want to do it. I like it. I feel guilty for liking it so much." Percy seemed to think for a few moments and then spoke again, his voice softening, but his gaze burning Nico completely. “If I could, I would put you on a leash and not take my eyes off you. I would control all your thoughts and desires, your pleasure and your pain, your orgasms.”

"And why don't you do it?" Nico found himself saying, diving into the fantasy.

Well, maybe it wasn't a fantasy. Maybe Nico would be willing to do that and more if Percy made that decision for them.

"It's not right. I wouldn't be any different from Hades." However, Percy seemed to be really thinking about it, stroking Nico's hair as if he were a docile pet. "We can start slowly.”

Nico thought he had moaned, feeling a tremor run through his body, as if Percy was doing much more than just touch his hair and talk to him.

"What do you think about this? Want to try it?”

Nico nodded again, forgetting about the diary, the old memories, and the thin walls.

"How?”

"Hmmm." Percy stared at him for a few more moments, making his anxiety reach new peaks of adrenaline. Nico didn't need to worry because Percy soon had mercy on him. "Take the box I showed you yesterday. It's on the floor near the wardrobe.”

With shaky legs, Nico obeyed. He got out of bed, his legs feeling weak and almost tripped in the dark room, spotting the box in a corner near the wall. Nico picked it up and brought it close to Percy who opened it, revealing the items inside.

"W... what is this?”

The question was rhetorical, of course.

It wasn’t that Nico didn’t know what those things were. What was important to note was the intention behind the gesture. A muzzle, a blindfold, soft handcuffs, and a large, thickly textured pink collar. Something Nico had seen a few months ago, but never thought he would get to wear it. The collar was so big and looked so heavy…

“What do you think?” Percy asked again, watching him closely.

"I don't know." Nico whispered, distracted by the thought of what it all meant.

"Go ahead, choose one of them.”

Nico couldn't help but grab the pink collar and gasp. Maybe he was in shock, maybe it was the surprise. The leather strap was heavier than he thought, soft to the touch, but simple and beautiful. It almost felt like he was being proposed to for the third time. Like, this time it seemed to be something decisive, didn't it? A physical proof that was impossible not to notice, since the collar was bigger than his head.

“Did you like it?”

Nico finally looked at Percy, immediately regretting it. Percy wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. He was, in fact, standing still, with his back against the bed frame, Percy was not even touching him. Was it all in his head? Has Percy always looked at him that way? Or was it something new, something hidden? Nico wasn't sure, but if he could bet, it seemed like Percy wanted to do something really bad to him, something that Nico would willingly let him do, and that probably neither of them would feel any remorse for.

“Oh.” Nico gasped, his reaction coming too late, realizing that maybe what Percy had said about… about putting him on a leash wasn’t just to make Nico feel good. 

For a moment Nico felt the need to run away, like last time, feeling like a prey, like he was going to be devoured if he wasn’t careful. This was what he wanted, wasn’t it? For Percy to dominate him completely? For him to not hold back? He just hadn’t expected… this. All of this. He hadn’t expected to feel so desired.

Percy shifted, leaning toward him, and Nico let it happen, realizing what he felt was far from fear. He let Percy take the collar from his hands and place the heavy leather around his neck, above his choker, buckling the bolt tight enough for the collar to stay in place.

Nico gasped and put his hands to his throat, holding onto the collar and Percy's hands, who was still holding him by the neck. Nico couldn't help but notice, Percy had that intense and strange expression on his face, his fingers around his neck, enjoying the texture of the leather against his warm skin, caressing where his neck met the collar. Nico didn't understand, he thought he was going to pass out, no matter how much air he got into his lungs or if the collar wasn't so tight. His hands were shaking, his eyes were watering, his head was spinning. His body was throbbing.

“Baby,” Percy finally said, breaking some of the tension. His voice was playful, laughing at his face, but low and husky, mocking him and comforting him in equal measures. “Breathe.”

Nico didn't like this. He thought it was wrong and that in the end, it was all just a fantasy. Now that he was faced with the reality, he didn't know if he could face it. Maybe... maybe he wasn't so submissive after all and just wanted to... feel protected?

"Shhhh, it's okay. I'm taking it off now. See? It's over.”

Percy raised his hand and showed that, indeed, the collar was now in his hands. So why did Nico still feel so... so ready to run away or have a panic attack, but so excited and anxious, that the feeling made him freeze like a small animal about to be slaughtered?

"It's okay if you're not ready, it's a big responsibility.”

"I hate you!" Nico screamed, frustration leaving his body with the high-pitched sound.

No, that wasn't true. He didn't hate Percy, but sometimes he hated what Percy made him feel. Or the problem was that he liked it more than he should.

"You hate me, do you?" Percy dropped the collar on a random corner of the bed and grabbed his hair, pulling it, making Nico moan. "I'm showing you what it means to be a submissive.”

"I... I didn't ask for this!”

“You think you can just get away with the easy parts and ignore the rest?” Percy didn’t raise his voice or even look angry, though his eyes were still bright and his expression was as serious as before, maybe even more intense. But there was something… something that burned inside him and sent shivers down his spine.

"I didn't mean to--"

"You never do.”

The truth was, Nico hadn't thought about it. Did he just want the easy part? It had to be true. It wasn't the first time he'd tried to run away. Maybe that was the solution.

"Hmmm… I have to consent, right? So, I... allow you... to…”

"What are you trying to say, Nico?”

"I consent to you forcing me when I don't want to... I allow you to stop me from running away, if I try to.”

"Gods, Nico!" Now Percy looked like the same boy he knew, his face contorted between a grimace of pain and a maniacal smile. "What do I do with you?”

"Don't leave me.”

“Gods!” Percy practically growled, catching him off guard in a tight hug, pressing their shoulders and abdomen together. “Let’s forget about this. Neither of us are ready for that step.”

"Liar " Now that Nico saw it, it was so obvious. Percy had always been ready, he was just the one who was still too innocent to realize what was happening before it was too late.

“Okay,” Percy agreed. “How about we save the collar for... special occasions?”

"Like what?”

"When you're excited, there's no one around and... you want something more intense.”

"Like last night?”

“Of course,” Percy said. So why did Nico think that wasn’t the case?

So, what do you think? Comments are always welcome.

See you soon!