#but i think i have rediscovered the joy
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third art fight attack! for Linkachu
#eye guy art#drawings#for others#art fight#art fight 2024#team seafoam#just something simple... haven't felt like drawing recently on account of *motions to the healthcare system* all this#but i think i have rediscovered the joy
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things that are hard to find: writing advice that isn't condescending.
#ambie.txt#I've been really thinking about this story in my head and wondering what caused me to get burned out from writing#and realising it's all the formal bits. planning an outline organising things into a timeline. I'm more of an impulse writer#and having to think about all those dry and formal things makes me quit before I even start#this is my autism but I hate having to stop and figure out all this before I write because that way I won't write at all#ever since I started free writing I discovered that I still love writing. I love it so much#but I hate doing all of the other things because they are not my special interest and they keep me from pursuing my special interest#it's just very hard to find writing advice that isn't condescending in this aspect#people stressing out you need an outline first are very common unfortunately#I'm more of a vibes no plot person and like to just discribe the vibes in vivid detail#before worrying about the plot too much. and yes in a story there had to be a plot#but if worrying about the plot and connecting all the scenes is killing my creativity#I want to just go from details first and bigger picture later#again. autism. also writing dialogue is the worst. idk how people talk. I don't understand body language etc etc#I have written some pretty good dialogue before so I know I'm capable. it just really sucks when I have to scrutinise everything#and think āwould people say this? do they talk like that?ā its draining#so I was thinking about writing dialogue separately. maybe write it as a script for a play#which is essentially just dialogue. and then match it with the scene descriptions I have written#like. I know I'm a good writer. I very good one. but the way I have been writing so far has burned me out#because it was too much focused on all the boring bits and not enough on the freedom and joy of just writing#which is why I love free writing. it allows me to focus on a few tiny details and then develop them into something bigger#also I hate writing on a computer so I got some notebooks so I can write on paper instead#it's where I'm most creative I've found#anyway this all just to say that I think following writing advice is not for me at least not now when I'm rediscovering my passion#and that I need to trust myself more and do things that make me happy#so um yeah. best writing advice is to just write and worry about it later
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3l!grian is frequently depicted as a tragic figure and sometimes i wonder if we even watched the same series
#like yes he is tragic. every character in the series is tragic but i think hes easily the least tragic of the winners#(except maybe cleo. i have my own thoughts about how cleos victory plays into her core themes and why its not as joyous or triumphant as#cleo the players and the fandom at large make it seem that i will have to make a real post about at some point)#grian dies Laughing. he smiles and calls it a dual victory before the final fight. his last words are āits been amazing.ā#to me Grians arc is about how he came in with this sense of mirth. had it ripled away by the reality when his joke gets Scar killed.#and then rediscovers it as he learns that the horror of their circumstances doesn't need to keep him from delight#plus also ive never seen a man more delighted to explode three of his friends#ill also bring up that Martyns lore has Grian involved in the games explicitly to COMBAT the angst#that Grians inherent silliness and joy makes the players less hopeless as they meet their endings#and theres obviously parts of martyns lore i can take or leave but this is one area where Eyes and Ears lines up very well with what actions#the characters take and so im happy to bring it up#unlike other parts such as ālimlife pearl and cleo retained more trauma between seasons than any player has beforeā#which i do directly refute as it doesn't seem to line up with the way the characters act and the story plays out#thats for another post though#my point here is 3l grian was having the time of his life and i think there are some fanon interpretationd that disregard that#which theyre free to do im definitely someone who has ignored canon plenty of times in the past (glances at worm)#but i think this is the sort of thing that makes the canon more interesting and compelling#anyway. um. rambled longer than i meant to there#grian#trafficblr#3rd life#3rd life smp#3lsmp
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One like and I read Loki: Agent of Asgard by Al Ewing and fulfill the prophecy
#y'all don't understand. if i had had access to that comic in middle school it would've fixed me#well it wouldn't have fixed me. but it would've uh. uhh.#ok i can't think of anything positive it would've produced for other ppl#but it would've been fun for ME#loki agent of asgard#ook reviews#ook txt#would my egg have cracked any sooner? probably not#but i would've sat there going ''wow gender fluidš³š³š³ that's so coolā and that would've been a comfort#my 20s are for rediscovering childhood joys it seems
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#When Jilly passed away in January I think it had as hard of an affect on him as it did with me#He barely ate for two weeks. And would keep looking for her before bed#The hole Jilly left behind is never ever gonna be filled... But I think Rose has helped Henry rediscover the joy of having a buddy again.#It took Hen awhile to warm up to Rose but I think hes finally taken her in (Rose loved Henry the moment she clamped eyes on him)#(theyer currently sleeping besides me on the couch after playing in the backyard)#Rose is gonna give him such a run for his money when she gets older
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1.5 year anniversary of moving into new house and officially having my own room for 1.5 whole years
#i have a lot to be grateful for#all thx to a mental health app reminding me. especially bc the years start to blur. not bad not bad at all#slowly starting to get my shit together too. need to rediscover joy. draw again. make doctor appointments. much to think about.#envos ojisan.txt#hit rock bottom? it's a solid foundation. worst version of yourself? then you're full of potential and can only get better.
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drawing tloz au character concepts is so fun actually. you're telling me i can just make this guy the physical embodiment of a miserable little wet dog? just like that?
#yayaya yippeeeee ( <- he is rediscovering the joy of oc creation)#i think i should have some link doodles ready to share by like. da weekend god willing (eg i dont get distracted)#personal.txt
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scheduling vp posts and i'm already looking at having to schedule some for the beginning of next year o.0
#t: wench.txt#i think it's fair to say that 2024 has been one of the most prolific creative years of my life#i typically don't like doing more than one new vp/art post a day#i don't really like doing more than 3-4 posts a week#i wanna let things breathe and have their moment before it's just on to the next#but i might have to double-up on some days#especially considering that i know veilguard vp is also gonna get thrown into the mix and i've rediscovered the joy of shooting lara
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thinking about how melliwyk had a reputation in her career for ruthless ambition but actually she knowingly went into a dead-end field with realistic expectations about it because that's what brought her the most sincere excitement and joy
#the thing is a lot of ambitious young wizards go into artificing; it's a highly in demand field and research funding is basically limitless#but ambitious artificers burn out really hard more often than not because they always think they're gonna be The One To Crack It#even though no major progress or breakthrough had been made in the entire several thousand year history of the vault#given enough time mel would probably have burned out too if she HADN'T been the one to actually make that final breakthrough--#but she lasted a lot longer than a lot of her peers because she's generally a lot more comfortable with failure and enjoying the process#am I really going to be THE one who rediscovers magic item crafting? statistically probably not but I bet I'll learn A LOT just from trying#I dunno I just think she's neat. most wizards feel like they're stagnating if they're not constantly growing in power and influence#mel's content as long as she's got something to work on and think about#she's mad everyone's reactions to her first magic item were really underwhelming not because she wants CREDIT but because it's EXCITING#(someone taught her how to do it-- she doesn't particularly feel like she deserves credit! but that's not the POINT she doesn't CARE)#(but this is gonna change the world as we know it-- isn't that thrilling? won't you share in my joy for this? can't you feel the enormity?)#my OCs#melliwyk
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i've drawn maxim shirtless too much so to balance it out i guess i should draw juste shirtless next
#mine#i have rediscovered the joys of drawing shirtless men. sorry LOL#actually i think i only drew him shirtless just this once but it feels like more. because of the crop jacket LOL
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So I'd forgotten how much I enjoy reading history books
I've just finished a book about Margaret Beaufort (Uncrowned Queen by Nicola Tallis) and am now partway through Matilda by Catherine Hanley and it's all fascinating
But also I have just learned that the whole line of succession was completely transformed by what sounds like a drunk-driving accident with a death toll of 300.
And that is wild to me.
Not to mention it happened so far back in history that had it not happened, the Horrible Histories song wouldn't have gone "William, William, Henry, Stephen, Henry, Richard, John..."
It would have gone "William, William, Henry, William-" and who knows from that point. That's so far back!
#i don't know why i'm just rediscovering reading history now#i used to love the horrible histories books and other history books as a kid#i think the adult ones got too physically cumbersome to read and also school sucked the joy out of it for a while#but i have the libby app and I'M BACK BABY#next stop is Camp Damascus though
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Me showing DSAF to an acquaintance who has only heard of it like: "You will get depression due to this later. Anyway this is my primordial pet freak, he has killed hundreds of people and will kill again and I think he should be locked in a controlled environment forever. Oh no not for his crimes. It's because I want to study him like a bug forever. Perhaps break his bones one by one... Anyway when I draw him drawing is actually fun and doesn't feel like a stressful performance."
#its so funny i just cant be normal. normal people have like#normal characters that they consider characters that bring them joy. i always pull out the most rancid fucker and go#'this is my emotional support piece of shit and when i draw him i rediscover what hobbies are'#(because i actually do not have hobbies in the traditional sense)#(as in activities like drawing or writing are actually not fun for me at all#i do them because im fairly good at them and because it's a habit; like doing your homework. but i hate them. it's a stressful thing#and it brings me more tears than fun. i like to produce products i like being productive but i hate the process and i hate#how i can make a mistake and i feel judged the whole time. i feel like that during playing instruments and during sewing amd#i felt that way during horse riding and i feel that way no matter what i do. constantly judged and evaluated and like#my performance has to be flawless and every tiny mistake justified. like my life is a constant process of justifying my actions in#front of a court and a judge and a jury.)#(but when i draw some specific characters I don't feel that way. i feel like this weird feeling that i think might be joy? i don't feel#stressed out at all and seem to forget that i am being evaluated#i forget that i have to constantly earn my life. j don't stop every few lines to get a breather to calm myself down and assure myself#that i can do this flawlessly. i just...draw and if it's less than perfect i just correct the mistakes. but I don't feel pressured or judged#i find myself smiling and it's weird. because i never feel like smiling when im drawing or writing or anything.)
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Youāre so passionate about shifting because itās something youāre meant to do.
Iāve often discussed the different levels of our psyche: the soul level, the unconscious, and consciousness. As a soul, you choose to come here to experience what youāve selected. We all have our agendas here, and often, we arenāt aware of or donāt remember our soulās agenda. Thankfully, your soul is always guiding you and giving you hints to complete your agenda and experience what you chose on a soul level. How does it do this? Through passions, strong feelings, and emotions.
Your deep interests and desires act as signposts from your soul, showing you what you (as a soul) want to achieve in this lifetime. When youāre drawn to certain ideas, concepts, or practices, itās because they align with your soulās agenda.
So, if youāre strongly attracted to the idea of shifting and really want to do it, itās because thatās exactly what your soul chose to experience in this lifetime. Donāt doubt your ability to shift or think itās not meant for you. In fact, the opposite is true: you ARE meant to shift, which is why you desire it so much.
Moreover, the reason youāre drawn to specific realities is because you feel a deep connection to them on a soul level. Youāre meant to shift there and experience itāit was all pre-planned.
Understanding this helped me stop worrying about whether I could do it. At our core, we are all master shifters. Itās the most natural thing for us. Weāve merely forgotten this in order to rediscover the joy of it all over again.
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Do you think they played pass the parcel at her birthday party or is she too old for that now??
Least Pierre doesnāt have to do school pick up anymore
SCHOOL PICK UP šššš literally WHEEZED when I read that ty for being a hater with me <3
#and donāt even bc 19 is peak try hard age you need to be more mature#to rediscover confidently the lost joys of childhood#so no pass the parcel sadly but it is a funny image isnāt it#no but imagine being in your late 20s at some kids 20th birthday party .. I would feel so uncomfortable and out of place#surely youād have moved onto the next phase of your life by then rightā¦.:: rightā¦::#anyway Iām now back to being the same age as Pierreās gf š¤ much to think abt#asks
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I keep getting notes on an addition I made to a post about neat bug threat displays in which I shared the ace pride flag I color picked from a caterpillar(and also the caterpillar itself). I donāt know why I am getting notes because Iām fairly confident the likes and reblogs are from the OPās reblog of my addition. People have been leaving nice comments about it on the post and it has been neat to see the excitement and love for ace rights caterpillar. Itās also been nerve wracking because sometimes Iām like āoh fuck what if they check my blog and Iru is thereā.
Anyways I think now I finally have a good addition to/bit of elaboration on that post about why Iām like thatā¢ļø. So when I was but a wee little shitling in kindergarten sometimes on Fridays the music teacher would let us watch Animusic(2001) and this irreversibly changed the course of my life. And then after that when I was in highschool I
In other news I rediscovered Animusic for a second time a couple days ago. I have had Drum Machine playing in my brain for the last 12 hours minimum. Clusterfuck song but in a very good way. If youāve never listened to Pipe Dream or Future Retro go do that right now. Daily quest. You wonāt get anything as a reward except the gift of hearing bangers ahead of their time.
#rambling#@ people on Discord who are tired of me talking about Animusic(2001):#sorry but in my defense I have rediscovered childhood wonder#i lied. about being sorry not the wonder part#the only bands I respect are the Deedly Dees and Pogo Sticks#come to think of it everything makes sense now#maybe Animusic is what gave me my love of sentient/living machines#but uhh#fucked up that Animusic is old enough to have graduated college already#even more fucked up that growing up with it isnāt something a lot of folks get the joy of nowadays#it should be required to see Pipe Dream at least once in your life#like it is with Shrek
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I think that hilda fire emblem fancam video is one of the greatest videos on the planet
#I hope someone here knows what Iām talking about#it starts with I like cash and my hair to my ass do the dash can you make it go fast#that one#idk where I found it but Iāve got it saved on my laptop#and I rediscovered it just now in a haze of being bored from studying and shit#I love it so much#it brings me so much joy#fuck the fame all I want is them bands if she keep on muggin ima steal her man#he watching my behavior cause he know Iām bad pussy put a spell on him he in a trance#I do what I please and you do what I ask he love my confidence and thatās what you lack#anywyas#I have to go to bed#IF YOU THINK IM STEALING SWAG BITCH COME AND SUE ME#HE WATCH ME LIKE IM A NEW MOVIE
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