#but i still wish it would happen that way that i could perceive and point to

[nebulaeternal]

✦.──Unspoken Cravings── .✦

―୨୧⋆ ˚GENRE/WARNING: porn w/little plot, exhibitionism, spanking, choking, overstim (if you squint), breeding f!xm, dirty talking, name-calling

―୨୧⋆ ˚SUMMARY: A casual friendly dinner with Sylus transforms into an encounter where your true feeling are exposed. He discovers the secret fantasies you've been hiding and takes control in ways you've only imagined, making them a reality.

―୨୧⋆ ˚WORD COUNT: 2.4K

―୨୧⋆ ˚A/N: Hello! I know I said I would have this done like two nights ago but I got caught up in things. Got the idea for this from @comatosebunny09, specifically from this post. I had fun with the concept I won't lie, thank you bunny <3 I hope you enjoy reading, let me know what you all think!

―୨୧⋆ ˚LINKS: AO3 Version, Twitter(Come interact with me!)

You had found yourself in the N109 Zone once more. It was becoming routine at this point with how often you visited the place. Of course, you only had one matter of business to attend to each time you visited, and that was to see Sylus. While you and Sylus have become more acquainted, you couldn’t help the growing attraction towards him, one you have been shoving down, hoping one day it’ll dissipate. However, the way he looked in his suit tonight was dwindling the hope of that ever happening.

Adorned in an elegant black dress, you sat across the table from the snowy-haired man. Eyes peering past the menu in hand, you snuck a glance at him, watching his eyes scan through the options, Sylus, not at all oblivious to your eyes on him, “Is my face more interesting than the menu?” his sultry voice, sounding out into the empty.

The place was cleared out, not a single soul in sight, virtually a ghost town, leaving the two of you alone in the giant, upscale, restaurant. “No, just curious about what you’d be getting this time.” You said casually. He smirked, leaning back in his seat. “Was my choice going to influence yours, sweetie?” he teased. You swallow dryly feeling your brain start to go fuzzy.

Looking back down at your menu, you gave him a short “No-” the man before you chuckled, quite amused with your answer. You, on the other hand, could be less concerned about how he perceived you, as you started to get lost in your thoughts. Quite the poker face you had on, staring at nothing in particular as a raunchy scenario unfolded in your head.

You couldn’t deny your attraction to Sylus, you’d wish you could tame it, but your desire for him only grew the more you saw him. His suit framed his broad shoulders, his piercing red eyes dusted with the fringe of his snow-white hair. And his large figure, his hands—you wanted them roaming your body, gripping your hips as he bent you over the table, hiking your dress up and claiming you in the middle of that restaurant—

Sylus furrowed his brows slightly, watching as your gaze only got more and more distant, despite your eyes still roaming the menu. He had already called out your name a couple of times, but you were too lost in your fantasy to hear his voice. Your lack of response piqued his interest.

While this wasn’t something Sylus typically chooses to do to you. He had only ever used his power on you twice, back when you first met him. Now that you were acquainted, well—he had no reason to use it—until now that is.

Sylus stared at you, focusing on finding out your current deepest desire. He peered into your mind, quite startled to find that he had you bent over the table, dress hunched up as he held a hand around your neck, driving his length into you with a forceful rigor while you were splayed out on the table, eyes rolling back, spit dribbling out your mouth.

Unbeknownst to you, he watched the scene unfold in your head, while you continued to casually browse through the menu. Acting like it was the most normal thing in the world.

He lept out of your mind, looking back to see your face, still unchanged. The waiter had stopped by the table. “Are you ready to order?” you raised your gaze to the waiter, leaving Sylus flabbergasted. You could hear the waiter but not him? “Yeah I’ll-”

“Leave us be, I’ll call you when we��re ready.” Your eyes shot to Sylus as you heard the waiter’s padded footsteps get further away from the table. “What!-Sylus why-”

“Too busy mind fucking me to hear me call your name?” Your eyes shot wide, cheeks flushing red and palms growing clammy. You wanted to open your mouth to speak but no words came out. You stared at him unsure of what to say.

Sylus’s signature smirk was plastered on his face, as he watched you grow more flustered by the second.

“Sweetie,” his words hung in the air, you were scared of what he would say next. He would for sure think you’re weird now, wanting him to fuck you in the middle of this restaurant, there’s no way he didn’t—“Getting lost again?” He purred, snapping you out of your thoughts. Slowly rising out of his seat, he walked around the table to stand behind your chair.

With one final step, his tall figure was now looming behind you as you held your hands clenched in your lap, shoulders tensed and high while you waited anxiously for his next move.

“Sylus, I can explain.” You tried to come up with any excuse possible, but it was exactly what it looked like. By no means, was that an accident.

“Little kitten’s gotten bold now hm?” His hands slip onto your shoulders, causing you to tense more. He brought his mouth down to your ear, fingers starting to move in slow circles as he spoke. “Relax, I won’t bite…much.”

You gulped hard, did you hear him right? Before another thought could run through your mind, you felt his fingers on your chin, turning your head till you and him were face to face. You could smell his cologne clear as day. Sandalwood and whisky invade your senses, the smell shooting straight down to your core.

‘Oh fuck’ you thought, clenching your legs. You weren’t sure what was coming next, but you could hope it was one of two things, he kisses you, or lets you take your walk of shame, anything to dissipate the tension that lingered in the air, as his carmine eyes pierced through your defenses.

His hand glides from holding your chin to wrapping delicately around your neck. He loved seeing the way your eyes widened a fraction of a bit before you settled into his grip, eyelids suddenly feeling heavy once he gave your neck a slight squeeze.

“There she is~” he purred watching you grow more dazed, off of something as simple as his hand around your neck, and yet, it was far from over. He smirked smugly, seeing how easy it was to make you crumble, he didn’t have to figure out much, not after he glanced into your mind and saw exactly what you wanted.

“What a dirty girl, you are.” You felt your face flushed, embarrassed by how easily you were unraveling. His lips found yours in a fiery kiss, the grip he had on your neck, unrelenting as his body pressed against yours, caging you in.

Your mind was spinning, the tension between the two of you was almost unbearable as his hands roamed your body, pulling you against him till you were both nearly draped over the table. The kiss was intense, full of passion, igniting something deep within you two. Sylus wanted to claim you with such a feral desire that it nearly made his composure slip, it took everything in him to restrain himself, at least long enough to savor you.

He groaned into the kiss, feeling your ass grind against his growing bulge. His lips trailed along your body, while you threw your head back moaning out his name “Sylus~” he smirked against your skin.

“Such a naughty fucking kitten,” He growled, hiking up your dress as he cupped your ass, kneading the flesh roughly while he laid sloppy kisses all over you.

“A thong?” He teased, snapping the thin band against your skin, loving the yelp that escaped your lips “Didn’t peg you for this kinda girl.” his fingers danced along your hips, delighted in entertaining the idea of giving you exactly what you craved.

Your eyes flickered to his, biting back the words you so desperately wanted to tell him. You couldn’t bring yourself to, far too embarrassed from the previous encounter, you didn’t wanna give in so easily, but everything looked so inviting, the scent oozing from his body, his lips, the sound of his voice dripping with lust, everything about him screamed at you to tell him. 

“Do I need to take a look up here again? Or are you gonna tell me what you want?” He asks, gently tapping your forehead with his finger, to which your face flushed hot. You avoided his gaze only to be drawn back to his handsome face when he spoke once more, his question still waiting to be answered. “Well?”

“....yes.” a small squeak managed to leave your lips, audible enough to understand, but that wasn’t enough for Sylus. He leaned in, teasing as he slid the straps of your dress down slowly. “Now I know you can do better than that, kitten.” You looked at the way his lips moved while he spoke in such a sultry manner.

”I’ll tell you. Don’t-Don’t look in my mind again..just claim me-please..?” Your pleas were like a prayer that he would soon answer. Sylus wasted no time bending you over the table, scattering the plates as you let him manhandle you.

Your eyes closed, throwing your head back onto his chest, enjoying the sensation of his warm hands on your skin. The cool air hit your exposed skin as your dress bunched and sat on the small of your back. His hand came down roughly onto your ass, sending shockwaves through you that caused your eyes to fly open as a cry left your lips.

“Sylus!” He chuckled, quite amused with your reactions. “This is what you wanted wasn’t it?” He asked, knowing very well that the answer to that was “Such a dirty slut.” You felt yourself clench around nothing, desperate for more of his touch. 

His words, the sting on your ass, the dirty name that left his lips, he knew exactly what he was doing to you. “You want me that bad huh? Clenching around nothing?”

‘He knows everything-‘ you panicked internally. At this point, Sylus could read you like a book and it was only getting more obvious with each passing second. His hands gripped your hips firmly, grinding his hardness into you. “Sy~” you moan, feeling your mind start to get fuzzy again.

“Do you really want this?” His voice was soft, eyes peering into yours. His hands stilled, waiting for your response. He would never push you—not unless you told him what you needed. You nodded eagerly but he couldn’t accept that. Sylus gripped your chin, making you look him in the eyes. “Use your words, love. I need to hear you say it. Do you want this?”

“Yes,” you said breathlessly, your voice just above a whisper. “I want this—want you, please.” A smirk tugged the corner of his lips at your words. The clinking of his belt buckle create a symphony with your ragged breaths as you wait in anticipation. You felt him slide the flimsy material to the side, prodding at you with the tip of his cock.

Your breath hitched, feeling the heat and slick radiating as he teased you, dipping the bulbous head in and out of your folds “Sylus, pleasee~” You whined out, pushing your hips back in a silent plea. He chuckled at your response, satisfied with your desperation and he entered your slick walls in one swift motion, the two of you moaning loudly. Your body trembles as he begins to move.

Sylus’s grip on your waist tightened as his other hand found its way back to your throat, his fingers wrapping around deliciously. The pressure on your neck, coupled with the punishing pace of his hips had you dizzy, arms trembling against the tabletop. 

The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room, accompanied by your whines and broken whimpers of his name. Sylus’ grip never faltered, his hand keeping you steady as he drilled into you, the snapping of his hips sending shockwaves through your body. 

“So…good.. don’t stop-” You whimpered out, breathlessly. His grunt in response told you he had no intention of stopping. Releasing your neck, your body fell forward slightly, upper body slumped against the table.

You felt his large hand come down on your ass once more, the sharp slap followed by a satisfied grunt from him. “You’re so good for me,”  he growled feeling himself nearing his release with how hard you gripped him.

“Kitten, I’m not sure I can last much longer-” Before he could let himself go, he reached his arm over your hips, creeping along your skin till he found your clit. The combination of his touch and merciless pounding sent you closer to the edge. 

“Close!-“You cried out, gripping the satin tablecloth beneath your palms. Feeling the force of his thrusts shoving you further into the table, further into your climax. “Please!” You weren’t sure if you were begging for him to slow down, or keep going. Practically screaming, you fought your climax, but Sylus would not stand for it.

“Don’t. Fight. It.” He accentuated each word with a thrust, pushing you over the edge as stars burst behind your eyelids, a sheen spray spilling from within you as you coated his length in your juices. The sounds were lewd and made your ears burn hot as you heard the squelching coming from your cunt while he mercilessly beat on your clit, his pace still unrelenting as continued to thrust into you.

Sylus was not far behind. The way you tightened, the sound of your moans, how you had squirted all over his cock, leaving a slippery haven for him to indulge in, driving him closer to the edge. The sound was ripped from his throat when he slammed into you one final time, grip unbelievably strong as he spilled into you, painting your insides white.

His body was hunched over yours, twitching while the rest of his cum spilled into you. You both stayed there a moment, spent and fucked out. The air was full of your ragged breaths as you both tried to regain your composure.

Sylus finally released the grip on your hips, sliding out of you with a grunt. He watched as his cum threatened to spill from your lips and smirked. He helped you pull up your thong, certain it would do little to prevent the mess from leaking down your thighs.

His large hands smoothed out your dress. “You ok, kitten?” his voice a soft and low timbre. You nodded, still unable to speak much, not sure if it was because you were breathless or spent. “Good, cause this isn’t over just yet,” you look over your shoulder, turning to look at him, “I’m far from finished with you.”

banner creds: @cafekitsune and @rookthornesartistry

[deedeeznoots]

You’re? Correction! I’m Yours 

➺ Characters: Ryomen Sukuna, GN!Reader 

➺ Word Count: 900+ 

➺ Genre: Fluff

➺ Content: Non-Curse!AU, Nerd!Sukuna, Established Relationship (with some pre-relationship sprinkled in), Swearing

➺ A/N: Shout out to my wonderful mutual @heian-era-housewife for this post about Heian Era Sukuna doing poetry. If she’s reading this: I hope you don’t mind the tag but your post seriously inspired a huge chunk of these headcanons 🥹

➺ Synopsis: Headcanons of all the nerdy things Sukuna does because deep down inside that’s all he is and all he wishes to be ❤️

➺ At first glance he doesn’t read as someone who would be super nerdy or all that interested in learning. 

➺ I mean, can you blame anyone? No one really expects the dude constantly looking for a fight to pull up with some textbooks during his free time.

➺ Once you get to know him though, you realize that on the inside he is in fact a giant nerd about basically everything.

➺ It starts off subtly: at first you’d ask him questions and he’d be able to easily come up with answers without even giving it a second thought.

➺It could be a question about anything, regardless of the subject or perceived difficulty, and Sukuna would be able to explain it to you. Not only that, but he’d be able to explain it to you in a way that made it sound like the simplest thing in the world. 

➺ At one point you basically just started playing trivia and just started asking him stuff normal people didn’t know the answers for and he’d answer with ease, albeit he’d get really annoyed with your constant random questions.

➺ Sometimes if he’s really excited about a subject his explanations would turn into full lectures that’d put most college professors to shame.

➺ Although it was shocking at first, it started to make sense when you realized that the main reason why he takes time to learn about stuff is because he’s constantly bored and looking for new things to entertain him.

➺ He’s good at basically everything so long as it piques his curiosity, but his one and only love will forever be literature, mostly because of how infinite the possibilities are with the medium.

➺ He’s well versed in literature of all genres and different cultures, but he is the most drawn toward Japanese works (and let’s be honest, his favorites would probably come from the Heian Period).

➺ Ever since getting with you, he’s been leaning more toward the romance genre. Just in case he needs any inspiration on how to spice up your relationship, you know? 

➺ He’s taught himself multiple languages just for fun and to see how far he could go.

➺ He LOVES poetry, he both writes and reads it a lot and it’s his favorite hobby besides eating.

➺ Other than literature, he also has a huge fascination with art.

➺ He designed his own tattoos because he wanted to play with the idea of turning his body into a canvas. It also just so happened to make him look intimidating as hell which was a plus in his book.

➺ He also has a little journal that he carries around and he sketches a lot whenever he’s bored or sees something interesting.

➺ As for styles, he’s a really big fan of Sumi-e painting because he’s allergic to color but he basically just uses and does whatever he feels like at the moment. 

➺ He’s the type of person who draws what he sees, but he would especially enjoy drawing nature. 

➺ He would go out on hikes whenever he felt the need to draw and would walk until he found something interesting. 

➺ He’s really into meditation while he draws and he uses sketching as a way to keep himself level headed during particularly annoying days.

➺ He isn’t too fond of drawing people, but you’d be the exception. 

➺ He would 1000% draw you while you sleep. It’s the perfect time since you’d be still for most of it. 

➺ Sukuna is able to write really good cursive and also does calligraphy because he got bored one time (shocker) and so decided to see if he was able to do it well and to no one’s surprise, he was eventually able to.

➺ The reason why he leans towards the humanities so much is because they’re both subjects no one can really “master”. With both art and literature, there isn’t a point where someone knows absolutely everything about either subject. Since Sukuna loves a challenge, he wants to be the first person to go “Fuck you, I DO know everything about this”.

➺ One of the little things he does every day includes writing you short little romantic poems on a post it note and leaving them in out random spots for you to find. 

➺ Sometimes they would be in your pocket or other times on the bathroom mirror, wherever it is they would make you smile. 

➺ Though, sometimes he would stick them onto such odd spots that you’d wonder just how he did it?

➺ He has TONS of pride in his writing (to be fair, he’s prideful about basically anything he does) and he always appreciates it when you mention his little notes and complement the work he put into writing them.

➺ Sometimes when the both of you are talking together he’d say some of the most poetic sentences that you’ve ever heard like it’s nothing. 

➺ When you gasp he just goes “What? Why are you staring at me like that?” as if he didn’t randomly drop lines that sounded like they came from straight out of a novel.

➺ He’s a dick when it comes to spelling and grammar, especially during petty arguments.

➺ “How many times do I have to tell you, if your going to the restroom put the damn seat down afterwards” ➺ “It’s YOU’RE*, actually” ➺ “Fine, YOU'RE** a piece of shit Ryomen!”

➺ Don’t fret though, because while Ryomen Sukuna wants to know anything and everything there is to know about the world, he knows deep down inside that the best thing the world could have ever offered him was you.

-

➺ Edit: Okay I made this story quite a while ago but I HAVE ANOTHER HEADCANON TO ADD! I think his observation skills are super on point which is how he’s able to understand things so easily

A/N: Everyone list what you think Sukuna’s favorite book(s) would be 🗣️

A/N: If you enjoyed my thoughts on Sukuna, you’d love this story I also wrote paired with some headcanons! 

[gladiatorcunt]

- DIRT IN CHAINS | X.

i can’t wait for the nights with you, i imagine the things we’ll do

cw: kinktober prompt (feet), semi crack treated seriously (he just comes back and says footjob. now.), pseudo incest (step brother & step sister), no shelly or chris 💀, set in the 90’s with brandon lee’s eric, small-ish age gap (reader’s in her early 20’s), fem ballerina!reader, random kurt cobain crush mention, implied inappropriate behavior when reader was 18 and after (nothing explicit but it could be seen as done with certain intent), attempted non con mention (not involving eric or reader)

please do not repost, translate, or feed this work to ai

kinktober 2024

Body of my body, flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone.

If you serve a chunk of still bleeding meat to a gruesome stray dog, then that is love. If you toss a coin to a crow with a glint in its beady eyes, that too is love. Even when you scoff and grumble at the perceived inconvenience and continue your jaunt down the muddy alleyway. You are assuring an animal that you believe it deserves to have its hunger sated and tended to like a toothache. don’t be surprised when gangrene sets in around your ankles and wrists, bracelets made of red jade. They bite for the same reason that you sharpen their teeth and beaks with roadkill and gemstones. It is life’s greatest gift to ever be well fed, such neglect can open a void from which there is no escape. If only your heart could plug up the hole.

The most painful sentences in existence are hypotheticals that start with if. That's why this will be nothing of the sort, hunting season will be successful.

Your step brother Eric was shot about a month ago the night before halloween, and you’re coping by robotically moving through life as if it couldn’t happen to you too. It’s all too easy to succumb to the panic and the grief but you’ve never been wired that way, it’s safer for you to retreat into a cocoon of numbness.

You don’t want to think about where the woman he saved from being raped is, as happy as you are that she’s okay. Knowing any of that would only remind you of the knife Eric got thrown into his back before he was thrown from her apartment window. He lived in the same building and like the good guy your step brother was at heart, burst in the room with the best intentions.

His good deed got him killed, and all you’ve done is play his music on repeat as you rot in your bed. He’d want you to continue your ballet career, hell, he showed up to your recitals and performances more than your own mother. You always ignored how his presence made you feel simultaneously relaxed and confident but also so stressed you’d be worried about pissing yourself on the stage.

Wide smiles and long dark hair that glistened in the theater’s warm lightning, he would always be the one to stand up and whistle first.

Eric’s favorite ballet was your ballet company’s Swan Lake. He kept a picture of you as Odette in one of the pockets of his leather jacket.

Your parents had only been married 4 years, but you’ve changed a lot from the starry eyed 18 year old that mooned over your older step brother and tripped over your pointe shoes.

Your dad started teaching you how to play guitar before he left, when you were 5 and your chubby hands plucked at the wrong strings. Eric wouldn’t leave you alone when you told him the story, and spent an entire weekend getting you caught up on your missed lessons until you both had a swarm of blisters on your fingers.

Now you’ll never see him again, never get caught in the rain when you’ve begged him to drive you home and wish you could tuck a strand of his wet hair behind ear, never hump your pillow and muffle your sounds into your balled up fists because he’s staying in the next room and you have to be quiet.

You’ll never see him with his band again, caught in that weird space between a groupie and a supportive family member. He liked to embarrass you, make big shows out of looking directly at you and coming to the edge of the stage to poke your cheek. He’d ruffle your hair and your cheeks would be so hot, one wrong burst of electricity from the wires attached to their instruments and you’d go up in flames.

You never told your mom but you always wanted a brother, you should’ve known you weren’t gonna have him for very long.

Hangman’s Joke. God, you wish.

“Hey, peach, ya miss me?”

Hand on your heart you think you’re dreaming at first, but you’ve never really had any dreams where Eric was front and center. He haunts all your other ones, regular strange ones where you’re running around department stores and fucking Kurt Cobain but someintes he turns into your step brother, sometimes you fuck them both.

You shoot up in bed, the straps of your lavender silk nightie slip down your shoulders so you pull them back. It’s the middle of the night, and your vision is blurry, but when your eyes focus properly you see him standing in front of your bed.

It’s Eric, your brother, you don’t even care if there was a gas leak overnight that’s got you fucked up or if this reslly is a dream. You can’t pretend to be fine anymore if he’s right here in front of you, suddenly there’s an umbrella over your head in the pouring rain again.

“Eric, oh my god, what the fuck! How are you even- I mean- How the fuck are you alive?”

He sighs, tonguing his cheek and shaking his head. “I’ll tell you all about it later, I promise, ‘m tired, peach. Missed my girl, didn’t she miss me?”

It’s a little cruel because of course you have, but the dulcet tones lull you into nodding. You don’t want to cry, and you’re scared to reach out to touch him because of the chance that he might disappear. Eric’s haunted eyes soften, and he intertwines his bizarrely muddy fingers with yours. There’s warmth, and maybe it’s just your hummingbird heart but you feel a soft rhythmic thumping under his skin.

It’s different, slow as molasses, more like the chiming of a grandfather clock. But Jesus fucking Christ he’s real.

Your sham of a facade shatters as you bring your joined hands down to your breasts, forcing his knuckles to press into your sternum.

Eric pushes you back down on the bed, his knees dig into the mattress on either side of your hips. His stare is intense, dark and enticing as he reaches down to curl his hand around your calves.

“I used to be obsessed with uh, vampires, ain’t that a bitch?” He chuckles, massaging your ankles and staring off into space. “All that mysticism and unimaginable power and all I could focus on was the way they talked about their cravings. How they get hunger pangs like a normal fuckin’ and it’s bearable until it’s not, it consumes them like they’re boilin’ from the inside out.”

You suck in a breath, Eric’s eyes flick over to you immediately.

“Then I look at you and i’m right back in rehab, toes curlin’ at the thought of getting high again. I think I know how those bloodsuckers feel.”

“Eric- Don’t say that.” Your heart seizes up, but you keep yourself from falling off the ledge.

He kisses your ankle, his black lipstick leaving a stain as he leaves a trail of carnage up to your toes. His lips split wide on a fox’s smile, slipping his tongue in the crease between your toes and sucking each one clean, almost like he’s trying to eat your flesh off the bone. He nuzzles his nose into the sole and inhales deeply, taking in the dirt you didn’t wash off in the shower, the plastic hospital smell from your bath mat, your cherry almond scented body wash.

“Yes, all i fuckin’ need, right here.” He whispers, staring at you dead in your eyes.

He flicks his tongue out to taste the high arch of your foot as his hand caresses your still bruised toes. But they’re faded, you quit ballet a long time ago.

“You have pretty feet, y’know that? Always liked helping you lace up your slippers.” Eric laughs “You’d get so fussy about me doin’ them properly but you’d kiss my cheek after, all sweet on me.”

He lavishes every inch of both your feet with his tongue in broad strokes, making out with your toes because he can’t resist sucking them into his mouth one more time.

You moan, fisting your hands in your nightie, your step brother’s back from the afterlife apparently and the first thing he wants to do is get a footjob from his step sister.

Eric tucks his hair behind his ears so he doesn’t have to bother with it for right now, you can tell that this is like one of those moments on stage, he wants your full attention.

He’ll always have it.

You’re the one that pulls your feet out of his grip to slide them down to his crotch. You keep eye contact as you massage his clothed bulge with your toes, rubbing your heel into his balls and applying light pressure here and there.

You blink up at him, too innocent and too worn down by life already all at the same time, “Like that, big brother? Does that feel good?”

Eric grunts, wrapping his hands back around your ankles and pushing your feet further onto his cock.

“Yeah, peach, feels so fuckin’ good, holy shit. Just like that, keep doin’ me like that, baby.”

You bite your lip, nearly tearing through the skin in your efforts to make your newly risen step brother jizz in his ripped jeans. You wish you had psychic powers and had the foresight to know he was coming over, you would’ve put on those socks with the frilly edges and a red rose stitched on the white fabric.

But he’s so worked up from this already, he’s breathing heavily and rocking his hips forward to hump your feet. He’s grinding his teeth together, already so close to unraveling from how much of a little tease you’re being.

You hum and turn your right foot to ghost the edge of your toenail around the tip of his cock. He groans as he twitches and a bead of pre seeps through his clothes, you can trace the outline of his length so clearly you know he’s not wearing any underwear.

The look in his crazed eyes reminds you of all the times he’d take you to the attic of his loft, making up scary stories and playing guitar with you. When you turned 21 he surprised you with a cheesy golden heart shaped locket, with a picture of you two at your parent’s wedding, joking about how awkward you look with each other there. Eric’s penguin style suit and your agitated face that’s partially covered by gaudy turquoise puffy cap sleeves.

He chuckled and said that every time you look at it, you’ll feel nothing but happiness for what those two losers are about to experience.

Part of that experience is you curling your feet around his clothed cock while giving him just enough of a view of your hairy pussy, you forgot to put a pad on so there’s some blood trickling out of you that Eric is just so utterly enraptured by.

His groans are death rattles now, long and pain stricken, at some point he stops humping your feet and lets you worship him like this. Eric kneeling above you, drooling deep in the back of his throat at the sight of his baby sister caressing his painfully hard dick with her cute dancer’s feet.

Your mind is filled with all the pretty shoes you can put on and do this again, you just got a new camera as an early birthday present too.

“You can come if you promise not to leave again, Eric, I'll hunt you down and kill you myself this time.” You promise, digging the ball of your feet into his perineum.

“I crawled out of the earth back to you, didn’t I? Couldn’t let my sweet peach perform alone, she gets stage fright.”

He comes in his pants and you continue to gingerly move your feet along his length, soaking up the cum that wets your toes like a sunflower does sunlight at golden hour.

[autistichalsin]

Two questions because I like hearing your thoughts:

What do you think Halsin's biggest flaw is?

And

Is there anything in his writing that you just don't vibe with / would like to see changed?

So, I am going to put two here for his flaws, just because what I perceive to be Halsin's biggest flaw is something a lot of people don't like being stated as such, because it's an extension of something that can actually be a good thing.

Halsin's biggest overall flaw: he is self-sacrificing to his own detriment, which also results in him brushing off his own pain/trauma. As a result of this, he also has a habit of developing hero-worship for those care for him the way he cares for others, I.E. the player.

Halsin's biggest flaw that can't be seen as an extension of a good trait: He can't control his basal instincts/urges very well. Not only can he not control his bear (the transformation into it and his actions in that shape) very well, but he also has lines in combat that rival the Dark Urge's in bloodlust; "let our enemies' corpses nourish the ground!" "May the carrion birds grow fat on you!"

Things I would change about his writing:

So... Most of the things I would change, I would not because I have a problem with them, but because I'm tired of others complaining about them (I.E. make his flirting banter with SH in act 3 only trigger if you're polymanced, make the Drow orgy start only at your invitation instead of his suggestion, etc). The highest on this list for me is the Minthara ultimatum (which still hasn't been implemented). I would like to see them make Halsin's case stronger; point out the Absolute still hunts him, make it clear how much Minthara triggers his trauma, let him talk more about things that happened to him in the goblin camp because of her- with her continued lack of remorse (she never even as much as says she sympathizes with what happened to the Grove) helping make his case. Also, make it more clear that what happened to the Tieflings was the result of this (because this scene was written to only trigger if the Rite of Thorns happened); show how haunted by their deaths Halsin is. People wrongly think Halsin had no stakes in this argument, when the truth is that they just didn't remind the audience what they were.

For things I actually would want changed... well, I'll put that in two categories, the things that could be changed while keeping the game mostly the same, and then my "pie in the sky" things.

Realistic changes:

-Halsin's post-Drow dialogue is tweaked just a bit more to fix a line from Tav that comes off as condescending, and to clarify some things (did Halsin's captors' house fall out of favor, or were they attacked by a lower house that wanted to unseat them? Halsin says both, but these are two different things in Drow culture). Maybe the house and the house that wiped them out get named, as well.

-While Halsin's act 3 arc was good considering how little time there was, I feel that there needed to be more highlighting his transition from nature-focused to people-focused. We see his anguish at the failures of the city, and the early stages of him dreaming for better, but I wish we could have had more of a bridge to him deciding his commune is the answer. I'd like to see a scene with Halsin adopting Yenna/inviting her to the commune once he starts it, a scene with Halsin's decision to found his commune and inviting the first group of refugees, that sort of thing.

-Make a quick tweak to That infamous party banter that makes it clear chimeras pass the Harkness Test in this setting so that people stop using it as justification to claim Halsin fucked the boar at the Grove (yes this is a thing). Or cut it entirely, I guess.

-Go back to the planned concept where Halsin's scar was in fact from a battle. It being from a shebear doesn't inherently bother me, but I liked the idea of it being a reminder of how badass Halsin is.

-I wish we had more lines reminding us what an amazing healer Halsin is past act 1.

-Fix a few of Halsin's lines so that he sounds as concerned about the Shadow Druids' influence as he should. He brushes them off a bit too easily, especially in the line patch 6 added where you could show him the note sent to Kagha.

-For the love of God, let Halsin get pissed off if you as a Drow Tav/Durge threaten to sell him back into slavery. Make him break up with you on the spot, maybe even leave the party- and if not, lose a huge chunk of approval at least. Players who make Astarion bite Araj rightfully get chewed out- Halsin deserves the same. It doesn't have to be rage, either; it could be hurt, or fear, or some combination of the above. But please, a line that evil deserves something more. They would never pull that on any other character.

Pie in the sky things that would probably never happen but I wish they would:

-After Halsin's Drow confession, we get a chance to suggest to him he might want a turn as a consensual submissive, complete with a sex scene of the player dominating Halsin.

-A scene with Astarion and Halsin bonding over their shared trauma.

-Reintroduce parts of the original concept for the Shadow Curse plot. I don't have to have the Halsin accidentally killing Isobel bit, but I liked the plot with the Promise dagger and him using you as a beacon to find you once he goes in the portal. It was so romance-coded; I'd argue it was even more romantic than Halsin's actual romance plot!

-Let us watch Halsin win over the orphans going to his commune. For pure self-indulgence reasons, make at least one of them a baby.

-A resist scene for Durges. I don't care if it would always be platonic, and yes, go ahead and give Minthara one too. Just please?

-MOST OF ALL, Origin Halsin.

[sbocconichilista]

"I am a warrior, but maybe this is not my fight."

[WWDITS S6EP5 SPOILERS!!!]

Just finished episode 5, and you can bet your ass I have some shit to say. As it is something I've already discussed and like analyzing, I'll go on about the Nandermo situation for now, but I'd like to talk about other topics too, maybe in another post.

This episode was a rollercoaster, and I think all my worries are now at peace (at least the one regarding Nandor's growth). I imagined that Nandor was just about to throw another ginormous tantrum about the stupidest of the things, but I was positively surprised when I saw his attitude towards the situation: he honestly had valid reasons to be angry, reasons I didn't even think about at first, but they came to me as a slap in the face as Nandor spoke, as I can imagine they did to Guillermo. Obviously, the solution wasn't war, but I can see why he would react like this. He was a warrior, after all.

"You live a thousand years, and you think you know what betrail is, what horror is, but then, in a single instant, you find out you haven't the slightest idea of what men is truly capable of."

This is what he says. And although it seems so extravagant and exaggerated, his pain is real. He was so sure about Guillermo's loyalty, not because he expected it as a Master, but as a friend, as a companion, given that he has always been loyal to him: "I may have done a lot of things, Guillermo, but I never got rid of you". He's right when he says so, and honestly I, as probably Guillermo, never really realized how much has probably costed Nandor to protect Guillermo from the vampire world, how much he risked to keep him safe. He really has done a lot for him, and he also finally addresses his mistakes.

Nandor felt betrayed and this time I can do nothing but agree with him. Guillermo tries to justify it all saying that it's the "human world way", but Nandor was human too, and the type of loyalty he shared with his comrades he expected from Guillermo: this makes me understand how he really perceives him in his life. He feels bonded to him, and reserved fidelity to him; not always respect or recognition, but fidelity yes.

Still, I agree with Guillermo about some points. At first he sees the whole thing as another big absurdity came out from Nandor's neediness and I can't blame him for having been prejudiced (i was myself), but then he understands how hurt Nandor felt.

Although, as he said in the previous episode, maybe this thing between the two of them isn't meant to be: he now has a new purpose, and he invites Nandor to start healing and find a new one too.

"I am a warrior, but maybe this is not my fight" it's with this statement that Nandor finally aknowledges that he needs to let it go too. The relationship between them started with all the worst moves, and it can't go any further without continuing to inflict wounds to both of them.

When Nandor tells Guillermo to go away using Alexa, these lyrics are used: "get out, right now, it's the end of you and me", and I'm starting to think it could really be like it says. Maybe Nandermo will never happen, and maybe it's for the best. Still I keep my hope close, and I wish that all of this was just a big demolition to build a new foundation for a stronger and healthier relationship, but I won't bet too much on it.

This episode was a huge statement fr. I feel like I've left out so many details, but I guess if something comes up to my mind, I'll just post about it later. Also, I wrote all of this as fast as I could, so please forgive me if you've encountered some errors.

"When one is burned, one feels most at home among the ashes" said Nandor, and I think I'll do the same and go cry about this while re-watching the whole series 😔.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

Rewatching “All 2 U” and under the contexts of how I personally perceived Stolas’s songs in “Look My Way” and “When I See Him” theres so much potential here for this to be actually interesting and its so far just being thrown away. In every song I have mentioned Stolas has moments where he stops and thinks “maybe I was the problem”.

Examples being:

"Unless it's me, and no matter what in this world I could give; it's not enough to get through the walls you've conjured up to live"

"I will try to make amends for making you means to an end"

"Am I doing something I can't take back? Would he want me if he was free? And if he's only here as a prisoner what kind of monster does that make me?"

"But maybe it's all on me for missin' every sign and every glance and every turn."

"Maybe there's somethin' here for us to glean for you to teach, and me to try to learn."

All of these imply so much that Stolas could be coming to the conclusion that he was one of the biggest issues in their relationship. Yes Blitz also hold fault, but thats a post for another day. I so truly believe Stolas could be so so interesting even if I personally think Helluva Boss should NOT be a romantic story, there’s still so much potential to it. I’ve mentioned before that I was in a very very similar relationship to whatever “Stolitz” is, and while I both hate my ex and how she treated me, it was not a one sided issue. Yeah she was abusive but also I can’t just say I wasn’t a bit rude at times. Getting off topic though, what I’m trying to say is even if one person is the main issue and you hate them, in certain circumstances you can still have part of your mind that wishes the best for them. I think my main point is that for people like my ex who have mental problems that get in the way of relationships and can result in abusive behaviours, I want the chance for them to see themselves in a character that has done the same things, recognized it, forgiven themselves, and made an attempt to be a better person.

I myself have been in many relationships where my mental problems got in the way and ended up separating me from people I care about in one way or another and I know how dogshit it feels when it happens, especially when you are the problem. Many people don’t like acknowledging that they may be the problem and then when they eventually do realise it, they struggle on trying to fix the issue.

This spans to the people you surround yourselves with as well. Just for example in “All 2 U” Stolas is not the first person to call Blitz a “motherfucker” he explicitly goes to “I don’t think you meant to hurt me” meanwhile Verosika and Tex push the implication that Blitz is the problem and during the rest if the song, as stated before, we see Stolas point out “maybe I was the problem” to which Verosika and Tex immediately but in with blaming Blitz instead. And honestly they have reason to (at least Verosika does and Tex is going by word of mouth I assume) but it plays into the idea that a bad person or abuser cant also be abused.

You can see every time Stolas considers something isn’t Blitz’s fault Verosika and Tex are so quick to step in and tell him he’s wrong. He’s just surrounded by yes people right now and i really believe thats something that could be used in the narrative. Stolas getting away from these people to take in reality and then finally be like “no it was me i was right about it”. And idk it could even lead into more Verosika development where she acknowledges that Blitz has now seen how shitty one-sided and abusive relationships can be and they talk more instead of just like 3 minutes on the stairs. This is a topic I touch on with my Vox rewrite but thats in a different way. I just think with so much buildup to Stolas realising he was a huge issue they could do so much helpful representation in certain ways for people with problems like BPD, bipolar, ROCD, and a bunch of other things. I suffer from the last two and I hardly EVER see these portrayed respectfully or how they actually affect people. It’s always just “im happy and then in 2 seconds im going to be mildly upset :(“ or “omgg I love cleaning!!” with OCD. It’s just so infuriating to see Vivzie not touch on so much potential again.

Also “stolitz” should not get back together even if Stolas became a better person, just to clarify.

[silverskye13]

I have a question about the "short" story (and seriously, don't sell yourself that short (ha), that was incredible and amazing):

what level of canon is this? Is it still the same sort of "filler episode in anime" canon, or more, or less?

Regardless, absolutely stunning and I loved every single second of reading it in my bones. It's so wonderfully done, from Tango's realisation that HK is more complicated than evil or not evil, to Wels' begrudging help (if only because HK is suffering more than he would wish on anybody), to the universe section (and just you wait universe, that spark of never was and never should be is going to become a shining, glorious star and you will love it all the same as your precious hermits), to the simple act of cleaning the armour, setting right what was wronged. So absolutely gorgeous and breathtakingly written and every time I read your writing I fall a little more in love with the way you tell stories!!!!

[wiggles my hand back and forth]

Canonicity is hard to answer, I still think "anime filler episode" fits best. It's not going to be brought up in RnS, but it's affected by RnS events. If I tried to put it in the main fic, it would destroy the canon timeline, but it clearly happened after one thing and before another. For me, these shorts are mostly character exploration [which is why I compare them to anime filler because that's what filler episodes are generally used for, aside from padding time.] It's helping me clarify thoughts and motivations, so when I breach similar things in the main plot, I have a better idea of What, How, Why. So to me, they're canon.

Helsknight having a very real, and very new, fear of being overly cruel in the face of violence when he started the story as a character who thought knights were allowed to be both knightly and, you know, mean, and still be knights -- I think that's something he'll have to wrestle with. And Helsknight worrying about being measured based on his own choices and perceived shortcomings divorced from Wels is something I think he'll have to reckon with. And the fact that the Hermits don't know about shaky helsmet respawn, don't have context for how Wide a world hels is, also needs reckoned with in RnS.

I don't think it'll necessarily be handled the same way in RnS. The specific circumstances of the short isn't going to happen in context. But things that bring up similar points will happen, and it's nice taking a second to start hashing them out for myself in a lower stakes place first.

Hopefully! That makes sense!

As to the rest of that! Thank you!! For the kind words!! Honestly this "short" [hah] was a lot of fun to fiddle with. A lot of fights and philosophy, and also? RnS Helsknight and Tango fun dynamic? I wish they got to interact in the main story more. There is so much shenanigan potential there. Both of them need someone who'll pump the breaks on whatever crazy things they're gonna do next, and while Helsknight isn't necessarily an enabler, Tango sure as heck is.

[Also! Glad the Universe bit was well received. I like the idea as this Thing That Exists and it's not quite sentient enough to have intent but not quite elemental enough to be blameless in what it does. I always picture it as like if a hurricane could observe and feel, but still couldn't necessarily control where it went. A force of nature that is along for the ride, and sometimes shifts its weight to throw things off the rails.]

[ordinaryschmuck]

Inside Out 2 is More Emotional and More Impactful

Gonna be honest, I wasn't PUMPED for Inside Out 2. I wasn't AGAINST seeing it and it WAS a sequel I was sure could work. As we grow up, are emotions become more complex as new challenges arrive in life as WE grow up. Yeah, the Puberty Alarm could have started and ended as a gag that didn't NEED to go anywhere, but it would have been welcomed if it did. So I could tell that it would have worked...but given the rough year Disney had in 2023 and how they continue to make weird decisions like this?

Yeah, it didn't really encourage me to be on the movie's good side. But my mom wanted to see it and I couldn't say no because it's been a while since WE'VE seen a movie together. So we went out, watched it, and...my goodness gracious, do I LOVE this movie.

There ARE some sequel rehashing, which really is what stops this movie from being a truly great sequel. Emotions are once again shoved out of headquarters while ones people perceive as "bad" are struggling to control Riley and give her the best possible life. HOWEVER, they DO mix things up.

Firstly, the humor feels stronger than the first. The banter with the Emotions are as great as ever, with the newcomers adding some great jokes and dynamics. It cracked me up with how much Fear thirsted over Anxiety, which makes way too much sense. And there's still all the jokes about the mindscape and all that happens when a teen hits puberty. The scene in Riley's Secrets Vault is filled with jokes that cracked me up to no end, with these two 2D characters having the best jokes in the entire movie. I really wish they were in it more.

As for the animation, it, as always, improved from the last film. Pixar once more proves that they can top themselves with more details, fluidity, expressions, and even experimentation. Like I said, there's this 2D character, and they come with 2D props that the 3D characters interact with. And I love how cartoonish the Emotions look or move, creating great juxtaposition with the more realistic yet semi-stylized world Riley lives in. It's part of what I loved about the first movie, and it feels stronger here.

And while there ARE some rehashes, the movie carries on some things from the last in a GOOD way. Joy remembers her lesson about how there's no bad emotions, and tries to greet the newcomers with open arms and optimism. Only to be met with Anxiety, who brilliantly acts as a negative mirror to Joy and how she acted in the last film. Anxiety wants to help Riley HER way, taking charge and pushing away or neglecting other emotions to make Riley's life fit her idea of "better." It shows what COULD have happened if Joy never learned the importance of Sadness or the others, which is actually a smart way to go about these characters. And, yeah, there is ANOTHER rehash with Joy doing something in the last movie to learn the big lesson, but it IS necessary for her to learn how to properly confront, and even help, Anxiety.

And then we get to that ONE scene. You'll know it when you see it. It's a scene where it shows what happens when we let Anxiety consume us. A scene...that makes me want to go back to this for a second:

When I was watching that scene, it made me felt seen, almost like the movie was talking directly at ME. Because I've experienced the EXACT emotions that THAT scene conveys. Hell, I've experienced them recently, as I cried at work THREE times because anxiety took over for too long. Others might have had an experience like that, but it's something I'VE felt and I don't know if it's exactly common enough for EVERYONE to experience. That's what you take away when you ignore a director's catharsis for the sake of making a fifth fucking TOY STORY!

You miss reaching out to people who experienced certain things in certain ways and giving something to point to when someone asks "What's wrong?" Another example is Ratatouille, which perfectly captures the love of creation and art, all through a rat that controls a human as a puppet. It enacts an experience or emotions that a specific kind of people can appreciate, just through a story that's fun and enjoyable through all. Turning Red is about a teen trying to stand up to her mom, but that teen also turns into a giant red panda. Luca is about a boy discovering himself during a summer, but through two fish-boys who just want to buy a vespa. And Inside Out 2 is about how our own self-perception can destroy us and that change is good, but it uses silly emotions going on an adventure in the brain.

Inside Out 2 is GREAT. I'm not even going to dignify the question of whether or not it's better than the first one with a response. I'll just say that it improves on a lot of things despite it still redoing SOME aspects. But with its strong themes and fun new characters, it leads to a sequel more emotional and more impactful. Watch it if you haven't (though, box office numbers suggest you already HAVE), because it'll definitely make you feel things.

[blessedwithabadomen]

in love with the mess - day six

summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?

content : angst, fluff

length : 4k

tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken @justeli6 @starvingarsyn @floatinglikeaswan @somebodyels3 @kageyasma

a/n : hope you're prepared for a bit of angst, I hope I managed to do it justice because it's definitely the genre I'm least used to, but here we go! enjoy and leave a reblog or a comment and I'll love you forever 🥰💗

•••

day six

I barely slept. One reason was the lingering alcohol in my veins making me so dizzy that closing my eyes seemed like a punishment. The other was the fact that my brain was desperately trying to make sense of everything that had transpired that night. I knew, I was fully aware, that this had been what I’d been wanting in a way. But fantisising about these things and actually going through with them were two entirely different things.

I had kissed Noah. I had kissed Oli. They had kissed each other.

It sounded perfect on paper or in a romance novel that was guaranteed a happy ending, but the more the morning light emerged and hit me through the curtains I’d never closed, the more the reality of it weighed on me. Last night, we had crossed some lines that we’d only been eyeing before. Kissing Oli had felt more intimate than all the stuff we’d gotten up to before. As far as I knew, last night also marked the first time Oli and Noah had gotten that close.

How were we going to behave around each other now? We could go and blame it on the alcohol, but I didn’t think that anyone in this constellation could honestly say that it wouldn’t have happened anyway, at some point in time. The temptation had been lingering between us for days. Maybe longer in some cases.

I turned off the alarm on my phone as it blared through the silent room. It hurt my head. A noisy reminder that life had to go on. That I would have to face both of them, without any idea of how they would react. If they regretted it. If they would pull back now. If everything would change for the worse. Or the worst.

My tired body dragged itself through the motions. Shower. Getting dressed. Packing my stuff. No flattering outfit today, just a pair of sweatpants and a comfortable hoodie.

I didn’t meet anyone in the hallway or the lift or the lobby. A few people were already around in the car park, loading in everyone’s stuff, mingling about, smoking another cigarette. I pulled the hood up into my face. I’d avoided the mirror pretty successfully this morning, but I just knew I looked rough. Some people knew I’d been out with Lia last night and they would no doubt love to get some mocking remarks in about my perceived hangover. I didn’t have the nerves for it.

A glimpse of Noah.

My feet immediately stopped dead in their tracks. It shouldn’t have been so surprising, really. Of course, he would be around sooner or later.

He looked just as beat up as I felt. I wished I knew if it was because of the late night or if he’d stayed up wondering too. He looked at me for a second, face paler than I remembered, dark circles appearing under his eyes, and gave me a wave. No smile, no urge to move toward me, no words, just his hand in the air without much conviction.

I waved back, unsure of how to proceed, but someone patted Noah on the back to get his attention. Free from the burning stare, I got onto the bus. I was armed with a few personal things, when I climbed the stairs and made a beeline for my bunk. There was no noise around me. Either everyone was still getting ready or people were being extremely quiet.

The curtain on Oli’s bunk was drawn shut. I tried hard to remember if he’d left it like that the day before or if it was an indication that he was here already, but I came up short. It didn’t matter, in the end. I slipped into my own bunk and closed the curtain. 

Unless Oli decided to go the route of “pretending nothing at all happened”, he probably wouldn’t talk to me anyway. I’d known him long enough. He was the type to battle things on his own for as long as the world allowed him to, before he would talk to anyone or ask for help. I felt like the three of us had that in common. It wasn’t the greatest mix of people when it came to bumps in the road.

I pushed the thoughts away, just like I ignored the slight lump in my throat that I refused to let grow. Picking up my phone from where it had burrowed in my bunk, I took the plunge to check my regular mails again, something I’d been avoiding since getting on this tour. It held the usual disappointments.

A rejection from a job I’d applied for that would have started right after tour.

A mail from my father which got deleted unseen.

Another rejection.

Spam.

An old employer saying they didn’t have any capacities for me any time soon.

More spam.

A mail from my roommate.

The last one took me by surprise, but the content cleared it up immediately. “Got a new phone, lost your number but found your e-mail address on some junk paper in the kitchen. Call me when you can.” With a groan, I put my phone away again. I didn’t know what this was about, but it couldn’t be good. We both weren’t terribly keen on each other, but it was the only place in London I could find that only had one other person living there instead of four, so it seemed like a good deal. I made a mental note to call her later, without much motivation.

Turning on my side, I snuggled into the relatively comfortable bunk. Exhaustion draped itself over me like a heavy blanket. I fell asleep, the hours awake finally catching up with me, and was granted a dreamless few hours.

•••

When I woke up, the curtain to my bunk was disturbed, not closed all the way anymore and I wondered if I’d moved it in my sleep or if someone had come to check up on me. If it was the latter, it was probably someone trying to figure out if I was actually on the bus or if they’d left me in Manchester by mistake. I thought that wouldn’t be all too bad. However, we had arrived in Glasgow, apparently, and there was work to do. With a heavy sigh, I heaved myself out of my quarters. Time to check in to the hotel, check on Oli, get to the venue, soundcheck, the usual.

I found Oli in the hotel lobby, getting his room key. I quickly waved down another receptionist to get my own, only half-heartedly listening to their introduction to the hotel and then legged it after him, only just managing to make it into the lift before the doors closed. I wasn’t going to take silent treatment for an answer. I’d accepted that kind of behaviour more often than I’d like to admit in my life, I wasn’t going to go down that road with Oli.

The doors closed behind me, leaving the two of us in silence. I mustered him, trying to figure out where we were at, where his mind was, how to approach whatever had shifted between us. He didn’t look overly stressed. Or like he hadn’t slept. But I knew he also had a talent to hide it well. My brain was fumbling over what words to choose when he finally looked at me.

Then, without warning or giving me time to prepare, Oli was on me, kissing me hard and fast, and I couldn’t do anything but wrap my arms around him and reciprocate. I helplessly moaned into his mouth, completely at his mercy, and then the lift dinged and both of us flew apart just as the doors opened to our floor.

I stepped out of the lift ahead of him, momentarily confused as to where to go, the sudden kiss having erased all memories of my room number, but Oli passed me by easily, walking into whatever direction I figured was probably the correct one for me too.

“Oli!” I called after him, but he didn’t stop until he was at the door. I watched as he unlocked it and shoved his suitcase in so it would stay open. “Aren’t we going to talk?”

“What about?” I could practically see the shield he had put up. It was a sight that hadn’t greeted me in years, taking me aback and confusing me. Him being distant, hiding away, not letting me in, not letting me see the real him felt like a punishment. But it was exactly what he was doing, hanging about in the middle of the doorframe, an arrogant look on his face that I knew was nothing but a mask. I hated this side of him as much as it worried me.

“Last night? Starting with the fact that we kissed?”

He cocked his eyebrow at me with a smirk, but it wasn’t honest and it wasn’t reassuring. It was annoying. “Yeah, and? We just did again. Ain’t that what we’d been working towards? Having a little snog? Well, there you go.”

I swallowed my anger at the way he was presenting things, twisting what was happening, downplaying it. It took a deep breath to convince me to stay calm. He was doing this to keep himself from being vulnerable, not to be an arsehole, I tried to remind myself. Unfortuantely, it didn’t help that he sounded and looked every bit like a cunt in that moment.

“What about Noah then? Also just a game to you?”

There was a flicker of something on his face, something that was threatening to break through his facade, but he quickly regained his composure.

“What if it is?”

I didn’t have an answer to that, stunned by the audacity. Both of us knew that he was lying, but he was clinging to his version of things so adamantly it made me want to punch his face. I couldn’t tell where I found the strength to keep myself from doing it. Probably the idea of what this whole mess could do to Noah.

I needed to talk to Noah.

“Right, that it?” Oli asked, apparently bored out of his mind. “If you want a quick fuck, you’re welcome to come in. If not, I’ll see you at soundcheck.”

The door fell into the lock before I could respond. Fucking prick. I thought he had learned, in the past years, I really did, but this just proved that he was a stubborn as ever. With a noise of frustration, I harshly stamped my foot into the carpet underneath, just to rid myself of some of the tension. It didn’t work.

•••

Neither Oli nor Noah were anywhere to be found when I got to the venue. My messages to both of them had somehow gone unread, which frustrated me even more. One of them was supposed to be my boss which made my work impossible. The other didn’t seem like the type to not check his phone which was equal parts weird. It wasn’t until someone tipped me off that at least Noah had been seen getting back to his dressing room that I finally had some success.

Well. Technically, I had twice the success because Oli was leaving the room right as I reached it. I was about to ask him what was going on, why wasn’t he answering my mails, did he really have no need for me today, but he simply nodded in recognition and sauntered past me. One problem after the other, I told myself, knocking and letting myself into Noah’s dressing room.

Noah was sitting on the sofa, cross-legged, looking up at me with wide eyes. I let myself fall onto the cushions next to him, utterly exhausted by the day and it wasn’t even showtime. Without a word, Noah put his arm around me, allowing me to rest my head on his shoulder. The comfort spread through me like a hot cup of tea.

“Are you okay?” I asked simply because I was afraid he would ask me first. “What did Oli want?”

“Just checking if we were okay, I guess,” Noah sighed. I internally scoffed at the fact that he had bothered with Noah but not with me, but I pushed the thought away. “Wanting to make sure I still wanted to Antivist tonight.” He paused for a moment. “Do you know when someone is talking and talking but they’re not actually saying anything? Oli is an expert at that, isn’t he. I have no idea what he thinks about last night. I can’t even pinpoint if I asked.”

“Oli can be all smoke and mirrors and leave you more confused than before you talked to him,” I agreed. “How do you feel about last night?”

I didn’t lift my head. I gave both of us the chance to speak as freely as possible without having to look at each other. The same way the darkness gave you the freedom to reveal your secrets at night when you’re a kid, before you came to regret your honesty the next morning.

Noah’s answer began with a big sigh. “I liked kissing him,” he admitted. “I liked kissing you, too. I liked watching him kiss you. But I’m not…” I allowed him as much time as he needed to find his words. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to get involved… with anyone. I can’t give anyone what they need. I’m away and I don’t talk about my feelings and I’m a terrible partner and-”

I couldn’t help myself as I interrupted his speech, sitting upright and taking his face in my hands to force him to look at me. Even self-doubt looked handsome on him.

“You’re talking about your feelings right now, Noah, and you’re doing just fine.”

His head dropped low, now finding my shoulder as I awkwardly hugged him. The scent of his hair was in my nose and I had to actively stop myself from inhaling loudly. He smelled like comfort, I decided. Noah looked back up as I raked my fingers through his hair.

“What do you want to do now?” I asked, carefully.

“I just know I don’t want to stop kissing you.”

It was all I needed, right then and there. I kissed him with all the intensity, all the desperation, all the need inside of me, all the frustration about Oli, all the feelings I had for him but couldn’t or wouldn’t yet name. His mouth was starting to feel familiar against mine, familiar but never boring in the way it moved, the way he tasted. He held me close, pressing our chests together, my breasts heavy between us, his hands all over me in sweet gestures that still had me burning for more.

Both of us were breathless when we separated, but I couldn’t help peppering a few more kisses to his lips, short and soft but saying it all, until it came to a natural end. The smile on his face, directed solely at me, his brown eyes, so enticing, smiling along, was more than enough.

I didn’t want to stop kissing him either.

•••

Oli kept himself much less approachable. He finally read my message but left me without a reply. I managed to run into him several times before his band’s set, but he more or less sent me away every time, claiming not to need anything at all. Just relax and sit down somewhere, he had told me with a dismissive wave of his hand. He was stubborn, but so was I. The last hour before his stage time, I simply followed him around the arena like a lost puppy, just in case he found a use for me. He didn’t. But I felt stupidly pleased that I didn’t let him get away with whatever game he was trying to play.

Still, I was annoyed and felt the rage simmering inside of me. Oli managed to put on a good show, but I felt like his mind wasn’t quite in the right place. Mine wasn’t either. I quickly spoke to Bring Me’s tour manager when I caught him at the side of the stage, purely to let someone know, before going the long way round and finding myself on the arena floor among the fans. I had been a fan myself, long before I’d been working on tours, and that hadn’t changed, no matter how many I went on. I knew that being in a crowd, surrounding by people, screaming the lyrics and moving to the music, would help me clear my head like nothing else could. Besides, it felt about time I got to witness their show from the perspective of the audience, the very people everything from the setlist to the production to the sound design had been specifically made for.

I squeezed myself into the middle of the crowd, made easier by the amount of movement around me, and took a deep breath that was unfortunately filled with the sweat of people who never learned to use deodorant. It made me move a little further, just until the air was slightly more breathable. And then it felt like home.

I wasn’t Aubrey, personal assistant to Oli anymore and he wasn’t Oli, decade-long friend that turned into the most stubborn person on the planet when faced with his vulnerability anymore. I was nothing more than a fan enjoying the music of one of her favourite bands and getting positively lost in the experience. So I went crazy for Diamonds Aren’t Forever and Parasite Eve, kept my eyes on the screens for Antivist just to catch a glimpse of Noah, getting closer to the front of the stage through a number of moshpits, fought hard not to get emotional for Drown.

The fact that Can You Feel My Heart followed didn’t help. The words travelled through my body, taking hold of me, and I was sure I’d never quite felt them the way I did right then and there. And then…

And then Oli didn’t do the speech. His cheesy ass speech he did in the middle of the song, that he constantly joked about backstage but that I knew was so important to him. And he didn’t do it. Could he not bring himself to say the words? Was he too scared to be vulnerable tonight? Could he not bear the thought of baring his soul like that? Had I made it worse?

I hate to get close, and I hate being alone, I long for that feeling to not feel at all…

The world seemed to close in on me. Oli was being a dickhead, yes, but had I pushed him too far? Had I played his stupid game without taking into account that I knew how much he struggled with allowing that type of intimacy? I had been so preoccupied with my own need for him that I didn’t stop to think if I should check up on him instead of teasing him further and further, allowing him to escalate our friendship into something that could be beyond repair. My head was spinning so hard it made me feel dizzy.

I didn’t notice the moshpit opening up around me until someone crashed into my body, sending me flying to the floor. Someone’s hands were on me, possibly multiple, getting me back on my feet, checking on me. I felt something wet on my face but didn’t think to check, people were shouting at each other over the music, coming to an agreement that someone should get up and crowdsurf to the front where they would get help quicker. Me. They were talking about me. Something dripped onto my eyelid and I wiped it away in annoyance as I got lifted up. Blood? The crowd carried me easily. The song was almost over when a security guard caught me and I briefly looked up to see Oli staring down at me, worried. I wasn’t sure why.

Next thing I knew, I was backstage again, a medic shining a light in my eyes which was awfully annoying, Oli and Noah crouching next to me, being asked questions that were easily answered.

“She’s okay, she probably got a slight concussion, but that will be fine by tomorrow. The cut on her eyebrow is minimal and doesn’t need stitches, it just looks bad because it bled, but that’s stopped which means it’s not too deep. Just make sure it’s kept clean and it should heal just fine.”

“You okay?” Oli asked, carefully grazing his fingertips over my cheek. Awfully soft, really. “I need to get back on stage, but Noah will take you to the dressing room and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“I’m fine,” I hissed, still high on adrenaline but slowly catching up with what was happening around me. “You don’t need to suddenly care again just because I got injured.”

I could see that my words had hurt him but I didn’t care. Even if my heart pounded heavily. I allowed Noah to help me up and lead me to Oli’s dressing room where he sat me down on the sofa and inspected my wound.

“Do I look sexy all bloody?”

The laugh erupted from his throat out of nowhere. “The medic cleaned you up, but sure, very sexy.”

Silence settled over us as I leaned against his side. The exhaustion of the whole day was washing over me and I was suddenly glad for a little peace and quiet. Neither of us spoke again, simply enjoying the physical contact, until it got louder again from outside the door and we knew the concert had ended.

“Done with your ego trip, then?” I asked as Oli entered the room. He had the decency to look ashamed which I thought was a step forward.

“Never,” he mumbled, but there was no malice in his voice. I raised my eyebrow at him, which shot a dose of pain through my head. My wince softened him immediately. Idiot. “I’m sorry you got hurt. That shouldn’t have happened.”

I genuinely couldn’t tell if he was talking about my mosh pit incident or…

“I guess some people just need to be a little more careful with those around them. Just because they didn’t mean to doesn’t mean other people don’t end up with a headache.”

“You know, some people try very hard, but they’re also very slow learners.”

“I feel like there’s a metaphor here that’s flying right over my head,” Noah interrupted and I couldn’t help but laugh, pressing a short kiss to his temple. Poor Noah, having no idea what he was getting dragged into with Oli and me, but taking it in his stride that neither of us was willing to let him go unless he genuinely asked for it.

I reached my hand out to Oli, deciding to be the bigger person despite knowing that it wasn’t on me to make that first step, but I was impatient and Oli would take forever to be brave enough to come crawling back. “I’m not saying this is over or that we don’t have things to talk about, but as long as you stop pretending to be this cruel and heartless version of you, you’re allowed back into the cuddle pile.”

Oli didn’t take my hand immediately, but looked at Noah, as if checking in with him if he was of the same opinion. I decided to give him credit for it. Noah nodded and in an instant, Oli had draped himself over both our laps, hot to the touch and rather sweaty. The tension between the three of us hadn’t vanished, but it had lessened. Questions remained unanswered and discussions were still to be had but maybe Oli wasn’t the only one reluctant to dive into the deep end.

He mouthed sorry, Aubrey at me and I hated the way my heart melted and my resolve slipped. Then Noah softly stroked his hair and I was sure that some other hearts in this room were melting just the same. I couldn’t help it. I was in love with the mess we were creating.

[jahayla-parker]

My Far Better Half : Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 3.4k wc, As far as Kaz is concerned, y/n is his far better half; everything good in the world, everything he wasn’t, and everything that made him a slightly better person. He vowed to keep her safe to the point very few people knew about her or their relationship. So when she acted recklessly, Kaz’s emotions lead to confessions of how he perceived her/their relationship. (Kaz is still canon but is softer here -only to y/n- due to storyline and the fact he’s had years to make progress). Fluff, Slightly Hurt-comfort, minor angst.

Warnings: typical SoC topics, mentions of physical fights (minimal with no detail) and Kazzle Dazzle being hard on himself.

“Why would you do that?!” Kaz snapped. He dragged his gloved hand down his face, making his eyebrows disheveled. The fear of something possibly having happened to y/n due to her acting so carelessly had made Kaz furious. He couldn’t understand why she’d done what she did. Kaz had made it so she didn’t need to do anything like that, and yet here they were.

Y/n looked away from Kaz shyly. She frowned to herself as she glued her sad eyes to the floor of their bedroom. Y/n knew her actions would make Kaz mad long before she even did them; but she had to. Nonetheless, she hated it when Kaz was upset with her. It didn’t happen often and y/n wished it wasn’t happening now either.

Kaz watched y/n closely. He noticed the way she refused to look at him and the sad expression that was now painting her face. Kaz sighed loudly, his left thumb and pointer finger straightening his brows. “You were trying to protect me,” he determined as he replayed the scene in his mind.

Y/n still didn’t gaze up at Kaz, her eyes remaining on the wooden panels of the floor. She was offended he didn’t pick up on the reason behind her actions earlier. But, y/n was also simultaneously embarrassed for how wrong things had gone when she was trying to help him.

Kaz sighed again. He took a step closer to y/n, eyes trained on her as he waited for her to react. When she still didn’t acknowledge him, he pressed his lips into a straight line and took another step. “I’m…,” Kaz cut himself off before rewording his statement, “I shouldn’t have yelled”.

Y/N’s jaw shifted slightly as did her lips, yet she continued to stare blankly at the ground. She didn’t even know how to feel about all of this as she couldn’t tell if she was more mad that he’d yelled at her, or if she was more embarrassed for how things turned out. So, y/n elected it was best to not respond or react for now until she could get ahold of herself more.

Kaz neared y/n further, his cane clicking against the floor was the only sound due to her continued silence. He cautiously took a seat beside her and sighed. “I’m…,” Kaz began slowly, the words uncomfortable for him, “I’m sor-… I’m sorry, y/n.”

Y/N’s gaze snapped up until she was looking at Kaz. His words had stunned her, Kaz Brekker never apologized. Well, perhaps that wasn’t entirely true. After all, during their relationship, there were many times Kaz had to correct his behaviors in apology for something he’d done (or not done). But, for him to actually directly say he’s sorry was a new development. As such, y/n stared at him in shock.

Kaz was the one to look away this time, the eye contact too much given his recent vulnerable statement. “You just….” He groaned. “You scared me,” Kaz reluctantly confessed, eyes staring into the distance. “I can’t… I can’t have anything happen to you,” he said, his voice rough but merely a whisper. The whisper was instinctual as he didn’t want to risk anyone else hearing such a statement. It was only after he’d whispered the words that Kaz remembered they were home, a ways away from the Barrel where someone might be able to eavesdrop.

Y/n frowned at Kaz’s words. She hated that she’d caused him to worry so much today. “I’m okay, Kaz,” y/n reassured him. She turned her body in order to face him better as he stayed seated beside her. “I… I know it wasn’t ideal.., but I made it out of there fine,” y/n reminded him.

“But you might not have!” Kaz lashed out. He didn’t yell, but his frustration was evident in his tone. Kaz felt y/n’s sorrowful eyes on him and he sighed. “It’s my job to keep you safe,” he pointed out, his hands tightly fisted by his sides out of frustration over his recent inability to do so.

Y/n exhaled sharply, her eyes wild as she looked at Kaz in disbelief. She shook her head lightly in protest. “Kaz-,” y/n began, but was cut off when Kaz began speaking again.

“No.” Kaz huffed audibly, his eyes tense. “It’s my job,” he repeated. “I willingly accepted that role the moment we met.” Kaz aggressively shook his head. “You’re far too good for this world,” he declared quietly. “Definitely far too good for the Barrel… and Ghenzen knows, for me-” Kaz continued.

“Kaz,” y/n interrupted sharply. She could see where this was going, and she wouldn’t let Kaz continue to speak that way. Y/n noticed Kaz was about to stop her again, so she shook her head firmly at him. She took her time as she cautiously reached forward and cupped Kaz’s face, being sure to give him ample time to move away or to tell her to stop. When he didn’t, y/n let her warm hands embrace the sides of his devilishly handsome face. She nearly swooned as Kaz unconsciously all-but-melted into her touch. It had taken a long time to get where she could touch Kaz without him getting nauseous or anxious, so for him to not just accept, but actually enjoy her touch continued to make her ecstatic time and time again. Pulling herself back to the moment, y/n smiled softly at Kaz but still gave him a knowing look. “We do this together,” y/n affirmed.

As Kaz went to respond, he felt his lips graze against y/n’s palm and realized he’d leaned into her touch. He could still feel the comforting warmth radiating from her hands. Kaz nodded wordlessly against her palm. After a few moments, he spoke up, “I keep you safe. You keep me soft-…-er..”.

Y/n laughed lightly at Kaz’s need to add ‘er’ to the end of his sentence. But, she lowered her hands from his face and sighed softly as she remembered the sentiment behind the rest of his words. Nonetheless, she knew it was futile to argue with him over this. Y/n elected to accept that at least Kaz agreed they were in this together, even if they didn’t agree on the terms of it yet. As such, she slowly nodded in agreement.

Kaz saw y/n’s reluctant stare and saddened smile. He sighed. “It’s selfish, I know,” he confessed, “but you should be used to that from me by now.” Kaz didn’t let y/n’s scoff of protest stop him from continuing. “But, I don’t want you to change, I want you to stay soft, and kind, and innocent, and not tainted by all of this,” he said, waving his hand as he gestured to the Barrel and the lifestyle it demanded metaphorically.

“It’s not selfish,” y/n argued, shaking her head. She sighed quietly, picking at her fingers. “truthfully I…” y/n trailed off bashfully. Deciding to change what her response was going to be, she shifted to a lighter toned reply. “Obviously, I suck at this kind of stuff anyways,” y/n laughed lightly.

Kaz chuckled briefly, a sound only y/n was permitted to hear; and only in moments like this when they were alone at home. He gave y/n a soft sympathetic curl of his lips before delicately grabbing her hand. “For someone who has never fought two people at once before,” Kaz murmured, still a bit frustrated that it had happened, “it wasn’t atrocious”.

Y/n laughed loudly, smiling bright. “Geee, thanks,” she replied sarcastically. Y/n’s laughter softened as Kaz squeezed her hand to show her he was joking; slightly. “But, honestly…,” she mumbled, biting her lip. “I… I didn’t really care for it…” y/n confessed quietly, her tone serious. “Or how it made me feel…” she elaborated when Kaz’s gloved thumb rubbed the back of her hand supportively.

Y/n felt bad confessing such to Kaz. This was his life, his ways, his skills, and yet, she couldn’t keep up. And even worse, she didn’t like the way it made her feel when she tried to do so. Y/n knew Kaz would support her no matter what, but she still felt like she’d let him down with this realization today.

Kaz hummed tenderly as he squeezed y/n’s hand firmly. “I don’t want that for you,” he said calmly. “I don’t want you to have to do things like that, or to feel like that,” Kaz told her. He could see the emotions in her eyes and knew she was feeling guilty over her confession and he wanted to fix that. Kaz liked that y/n hadn’t had to do the things he had, that she was more pure than him. He didn’t want her to feel bad for that, not when it was just who she was; especially when Kaz adored that about her.

“But, you have to,” y/n sighed, looking up at Kaz. “I hate that I can’t keep up and help you, that I can’t be there for you with this stuff, or-“ she whispered, stopping when Kaz shook his head.

Kaz pulled y/n’s hand closer to his chest, leaning down to place a brief kiss to the back of it. “I appreciate the thought, y/n/n,” he said, something he’d worked on expressing instead of just the next comment he was about to make. “But, I don’t need your help,” Kaz said, “not with this”. He lowered y/n’s hand back down but kept a soft hold on it nonetheless. “I don’t need you to do things that make you feel bad. I don’t want you to feel like that,” Kaz said. He hated how simple and inelegant his words sounded, but he forced himself to remember that sharing such statements was still a positive progression for him.

“But, you shouldn’t have to feel that way either,” y/n argued. Her lips were slightly pouted as she sighed softly. She knew the toll this lifestyle took on her husband, even if he pretended otherwise.

Kaz suddenly looked away from y/n. He gently let go of her hand, setting it on the mattress before he stood up. Kaz made his way to the other side of their room in order to distance himself from y/n. “You don’t have to worry about that.” He shifted his tense jaw as he looked out their window at the trees. “It…” Kaz shook his head, “these things don’t bother me. I’m not a good person, y/n”.

Y/n scoffed loudly, instantly rising from the bed. “Yes you are,” she argued firmly as she made her way to Kaz.

“Dove,-“ Kaz sighed. His tone showed his appreciation for her argument but also his disagreement with it. Kaz kept his eyes on the trees outside their house, not able to look at his wife as he kept pointing out how he wasn’t worthy of her.

“No, it’s my turn”, y/n remarked. She stood before Kaz, partially blocking his view of the outside of their window. “This is my job, isn’t it,” she hummed tenderly, reaching for his hand. Y/n exhaled audibly as Kaz shook his head and continued to avoid her eyes.

“Your job isn’t to try to fix my ego,” Kaz argued even as y/n took hold of his hand. He hated himself for admitting his insecurities. Kaz knew y/n wanted him to do so whenever they came up, but it still wasn’t natural to him to do so. And now he also felt bad for placing such a burden on his loving wife.

Y/n laughed to herself for a second as she rolled her eyes lovingly. “I don’t think that needs fixing, Brekker,” she murmured, smiling up at Kaz as he unconsciously moved closer to her. “Maybe your opinion of your own morality,” she compromised, “but, we’ll get there”.

Kaz shook his head. He leaned forward, grabbing y/n’s other hand and looking down into her y/e/c eyes; the eyes that always calmed him and made him feel better. Kaz felt the corner of his lips curl up faintly. “Darling, my morality is non existent,” he declared firmly.

“That’s not true,” y/n promptly replied. She squeezed Kaz’s hands tightly. “You make plenty of moral decisions and judgements every day,” y/n defended. “Decisions I could never make, but that need to be made. I don’t pity you, Kaz, you know that,” she reassured him, “but, I don’t envy what you have to deal with either”. Y/n took in a deep breath as she gazed into Kaz’s uncertain eyes. “I’m not bothered by the fact that these things are emotionally numb to you by now,” she promised, knowing her husband far too well. “That’s normal, that’s how these things work. You have to do these things day in and day out. Life would be a whole hell of a lot harder if you let everything impact you the way it would those who have never had to do those things,” y/n explained. She pulled Kaz’s hands towards her chest, smiling as he shuffled closer. “It doesn’t change who you are or how I see you,” y/n vowed, gazing at Kaz lovingly.

Kaz swallowed thickly. “It doesn’t?” He asked, flinching as his voice cracked with emotion. “I-… I can’t react to anything appropriately… not the way you can,” Kaz pointed out as his eyes analyzed y/n’s to see if she was telling the truth. He knew y/n usually would be, but right now he couldn’t be sure.

“You’re wrong,” y/n said simply. She tilted her head to the right and teasingly acted as if she was thinking deeply. “Twice in one day, handsome. Aiming for a new record I see,” y/n hummed playfully. She smiled as Kaz scoffed lightly in response. “But, sincerely Kaz,…” y/n slowly let go of one of his hands. She then brought her now free hand up to brush some loose strands of chestnut hair from where they hung over Kaz’s left brow.

“Just last week,” y/n recalled warmly, “we saw that stray dog.” She let her thumb faintly brush over the skin just above Kaz’s eyebrow after she moved his hair out of the way. Y/N’s smile grew as Kaz’s cheeks flushed and his lips curled faintly despite clearly trying to remain stoic. “Honey, I saw the way your eyes warmed immediately and the joy you felt when it finally had a home when we brought it to Wylan and Jes’s place,” she informed her husband gently. “I saw the way you were suppressing a smile when I came to visit you as the club last night,” y/n continued, only having just begun her list of examples.

“Speaking of which, dove,” Kaz interrupted. His free hand shook infinitesimally as he rested it on y/n’s hip.

“I know,” y/n said, stopping Kaz from giving her another lecture. “I need to alert Rotty or you first, so someone can guard me on the way into the Barrel next time,” she smiled. “Even though that defeats it being a surprise,” y/n jokingly muttered under her breath, making Kaz smirk. “See,” she said, tone tender but serious again, “that right there, you watching out for me”.

“I’m forever going to do that, Y/n,” Kaz proclaimed. His fingers on y/n’s hip squeezed into her softly.

“I know,” y/n smiled. “But think about it, truthfully did you ever expect yourself to go out of your way like that for anyone?” She inquired, resting her free hand on Kaz’s shirt collar.

“No,” Kaz admitted. He laughed quietly, a small smile on his lips as he shook his head. “You were a plot twist I didn’t see coming,” Kaz explained.

Y/n smiled and pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth. “A good one?” She whispered. Normally it would be a rhetorical question, but after she’d embarrassed herself with her inability to fend for herself when trying to hold off two brawlers earlier today, she was slightly unsure.

Kaz’s face took on a bashful look. “G-“ he paused and forcibly swallowed. His cheeks flushed darker as he looked into y/n’s eyes before continuing. “Great one,” Kaz corrected.

Y/n hummed, her body releasing some pent up tension. She felt her body melt into Kaz’s hands more as she took his words to heart.

“I told you,” Kaz pointed out as he watched y/n’s reaction. “You’re my far better half, and I’m good with that arrangement.”

Kaz resisted a chuckle when y/n sighed in disagreement. “Just listen,” he spoke as softly as he could. “I appreciate everything you’re saying and doing, Y/n. But, I’ll forever be a million steps behind you in this regard,” Kaz acknowledged. “And I’m fine with that. But, I will never stop working on it for you; for us”. He felt like his face was on fire with how warm it had gotten as he confessed that out loud.

Y/n beamed lovingly at Kaz. She took her time leaning forward, giving him time to pull away before her forehead reached his. As y/n’s brows brushed against Kaz’s, she stared deeply into his eyes. “I love you,” she cooed peacefully.

Kaz took a quick but deep breath. He’d said it countless times before, but it still was new to him. Each time he said it, he could feel the full weight of the words. Kaz actually found that feeling to be a good one. Yet, it made him carry even more emotion when saying it and that was still something he was working on. But, as Kaz reminded himself it was y/n he was saying it too, and hearing her declaration of love for him echo in his mind, it somehow also felt effortless. “I love you too”.

Epilogue

Kaz grinned to himself as he watched y/n from a few feet behind her. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. The way she was running gleefully though the field of wildflowers made his body feel warm and fuzzy. It had taken Kaz some time to realize that particular sensation was a good thing. But, by now, he was used to it and actually found it extremely comforting.

“Kaz!” Y/n cheered, a little giggle escaping her lips as another butterfly flew by her. “Come on!” She encouraged excitedly. Y/n extended her hands outwards towards where Kaz was.

Kaz chuckled happily as he watched the birds and butterflies flutter around y/n’s twirling body. He hummed contentedly as he made his way to her. Once he’d reached y/n, he set his bare hands in her palms that she was holding upwards expectantly.

Y/n beamed at her husband, her heart skipping a beat as he smiled back at her. She smirked before quickly spinning them around. She was attentively analyzing Kaz’s reaction to make sure she was not doing it in a way that would aggravate his bad leg. When he chuckled a bit louder than normal, his exposed fingers tightening their grip on her hands, y/n joined in his laughter with a wide smile.

After a few too many spins, y/n stopped so they could regain their balance. She felt Kaz’s hands resting on her waist tenderly to keep her steady as their laughter began to simmer down. Y/n looked up to find he was already staring at her. She bit her lip bashfully as she stared back, internally melting as they held affectionate eye contact.

Kaz waited until he could see the dizziness leave y/n’s face before he leaned forward. He closed his eyes as he pressed a soft and short, but nonetheless loving kiss to her warm lips. As much as Kaz wished he could do more, this was another big step he’d made; thanks to y/n. And as such, despite the desire to be able to kiss her longer, Kaz was ecstatic he could at least do this.

“You’re my far better half,” y/n whispered to Kaz. Her eyes were soft and full of love.

Kaz defiantly shook his head even as it rested against y/n’s forehead. “I’ll accept that I’m your other half,” he compromised, “by the inexplicable grace of whatever Saints Inej claims are out there.” Kaz’s hand shook lightly as his bare skin brushed against y/n’s cheek. “But, the far better half belongs to you, my love.”

Y/n sighed and shook her head in disbelief. She went to pull back when she felt the sight tremor in Kaz’s hands. But, when he silently pleaded her not to, she stopped. Y/n exhaled breathily as she tried to find a way to get it through to Kaz how much she disagreed with his viewpoint on the matter at hand.

Kaz watched as y/n began leaning in with her eyes still open. He noticed the way her eyes scanned his for approval or for a sign to stop. His heart swelled at the considerate gesture. Kaz smiled and nodded before closing his eyes y/n placed a delicate kiss on his lips.

As Kaz and y/n parted, he took a shaky breath. Yet, the trace tears in his eyes weren’t from feeling like he was drowning. It was the opposite; y/n was the one person who warmed his cold heart and made it feel as though he were floating. Y/n truly was his far better half, and that was a stance Kaz would defend until the end of time.

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[i520u]

11:11 𓂅𓏲•₊˚

FOUR. 09:42

WARNINGS. gyuvin almost died but he didn’t he’s silly

First impressions have always been something you were passionate about. As in, you would definitely die on the concrete floor like a dried out frog, mouth foaming with bubbles if you were to mess your first impression up. First impressions are important to you, you already can’t stand with the thought of being perceived, but you can’t stop it from happening. So, the next best thing is to make sure the image they perceive is one that is… impressionable, at least.

That was, until today.

It was mostly your fault, but you needed to be petty and blame it on someone — and that someone happens to be your brother, Hanbin. Of course, Hanbin had woken you up extra early like you asked him to, but Hanbin’s also far too nice to pull something crazy like shut the ceiling fan off, or pull your leg to wake you up. You kinda wished he did, though — because you wouldn’t have been in this situation you were currently in, if he did. Again, not exactly Hanbin’s fault, but you needed somebody to blame.

You were about thirty minutes late to school. It definitely could’ve been worse, but this was your first impression, we’re talking about. It was like the universe was out to get you this morning. You overslept, your uniform hadn’t been ironed, your tie was missing. Of course, you’re aware that these are all the consequences of your own actions, but you really didn’t feel like beating yourself up any more than Gyuvin’s about to do.

As you reached the school compound, you could see a tall figure standing by the school gates. Despite his annoyed face, you couldn’t help but see how handsome he was. And — did he dye his hair? You had to mentally yell at yourself to stay normal and focused on the task at hand; you are Gyuvin’s tour guide, and that’s it. You can not afford to let your weird persona on the internet out.

“Hi.” You greeted, trying to ignore the elephant in the room. Gyuvin tapped his elbow with finger as he waited for you to finally reach him, he raised an eyebrow, and was about to say something snarky for sure. “Did you dye your hair? It looks good.” You say before he could utter anything, in an attempt to ease the tension.

“You’re late.” Gyuvin responded, and that practically confirmed your suspicions that he was furious. In fact, the lack of enthusiasm to his voice made it worse. “I’m sorry. It was my brother’s fault, I promise.” You raised your hand like you were admitting defeat. Gyuvin rolled his eyes, “I don’t care whose fault it was. You’re late and unreliable on your first day on the job.” He said with a smug grin on his face.

You frowned slightly as you began to walk towards the school building, “you don’t have to be so mean,” you murmured. A part of you wondered if Gyuvin was generally always this mean — or if something traumatic happened to him to be closed off forever like an anime backstory — probably the former, maybe he’s just an asshole. You shrugged. You’re used to dealing with assholes. Exhibit A, Sungchan, exhibit B, his best friend Jeonghyeon.

“So the first thing you’ll see when you enter the school is the hallways.” You explained, the hallway was empty since the first period had already commenced. Gyuvin didn’t talk much as you showed him around the first building. Truthfully, you weren’t sure if he was even listening. It annoyed you a little, but you felt like you had no right to feel that way in the first place. As a result, you just ignored the emotions building up inside you.

“This is the art section, if you have any art classes in your schedule, all classes would be located here.” You pointed into a different hallway, and Gyuvin still didn't say anything. You glanced at him for a split second to make sure he was at least looking at the direction I’m pointing towards.

The more the two of you continued walking around, the more awkward it felt for you. You glanced at Gyuvin again, and this time, it made him furrow his eyebrows. You could practically see the gears in his head turning as stared down at you, “what are you looking at?” He finally broke the silence with a frown. “Am I not allowed to look at you?” you find yourself saying something snarky back at him before you could even stop yourself.

That only encourage Gyuvin to banter more with you, though. He definitely had no problem arguing. In fact, it seemed like he was in the mood for it. “It’s rude to stare.” He said with a scowl on his face. “You’re rude.” You answered back. He had a look of amusement on his face, surprisingly. Like he was enjoying the back and forth between you and him. “I wouldn’t be if you were actually on time.”  He said it in such a nonchalant way, but you just know he said it to piss you off, because you couldn't argue back against that.

So, it was back to being silent as you showed him around again, trying to act civil. Gyuvin knew he had won this round, and he had a smug look on his face.

You were soon done with showing him around the north wing of the school, and you contemplated doing something evil. It was like there was a little angel and devil on your shoulders debating with each other to tell you what to do. At the end, though, the devil won. Because you’re not always a good person — and that’s okay.

“Gyuvin, follow me.” You gestured as you turned your heels to walk towards a darker part of the building. Gyuvin followed you unsuspectingly, and you had to force yourself from rubbing your hands together like an evil cartoon character. 

The both of you stopped in front of a large door, it wasn’t locked, but both you and Gyuvin could tell that the place inside was extremely dark. It was a gym pool under construction, so it was naturally off limits for students, but Gyuvin doesn’t know that.

“You should look around inside. All the kids do it, it’s cool.” You told him before taking a few steps back. Your initial plan was to just scare him a little in that dark gym pool. “What about you?” Gyuvin asked, he paused for a beat, “aren’t you gonna come in, too? You scared?” He flashed his signature annoying grin. “It’s dusty inside, I don’t wanna get my uniform dirty.” You answered swiftly.

You had to give yourself a pat on the back. That excuse rolled out of your tongue smoothly. You glanced over your shoulder to see Gyuvin think for a second before shrugging. He allowed himself to walk into the gym pool, and when the door closed behind him, you immediately walked back with the original idea of locking him inside for a good five minutes. Maybe annoy him, make him apologise for being mean, and say ‘please’ before finally letting him out. Well, that was the original plan, anyway.

Although, of course, karma didn’t wait long to hit you. Too bad you’re no Taylor Swift, and karma was definitely not your boyfriend nor a cat purring on your lap. This also goes without saying that it was because of Gyuvin himself, too. Instead of being fazed by the fact that you were about to lock himself in, he had gotten all nosy and distracted by his surroundings. Without thinking much about the repercussions that comes with being nosy, he decided to touch some of the things around. Hell, he didn’t even notice you locking him in.

On the other side of the door, you hear something falling and hit the concrete, followed by a loud thud. You weren’t sure what it was, but you knew it couldn’t be good. Your fingers moved on instinct as you unlocked  and opened the door in a panic, your other hand reaching out for your phone for the flashlight.

You burst into the gym pool, flashed the entire place with your phone’s flashlight just to find Gyuvin laying on the floor, his head slightly bleeding. “Gyuvin!” You shrieked in horror as you ran to him, it’s not really common for you to see a 6’1” tall man lying flat on the floor like a crime scene episode you’d see on Buzzfeed Unsolved. It could not be a good sign either.

“Gyuvin!” You shrieked again, you put his head on your lap, and in hindsight, it was a tad bit dramatic for you to do that. Gyuvin let out a groan in response, from the scene in front of you, you could kinda imagine what had happened — a brick probably fell on Gyuvin’s head. Well, not exactly a brick — but it was something of those sorts. Not too dangerous, but his head was still bleeding.

“I’m calling the ambulance!” You say, your voice a pitch higher from panicking. Your complexion slightly paler, your forehead producing cold sweat, and your fingers trembling as you made your phone call. “Nnn… no…” Gyuvin murmured softly as you laid his head on your lap while you asked for an ambulance. “I’m not dead…” he added, almost scowling.

“Shh!” You scolded, while your free hand went to hold the part of his head that was bleeding as gently as possible. “Your head is bleeding, Gyuvin…” you say sadly, you stared at him apologetically too. “I’ll get you to the hospital, I promise. Just shut up and don’t waste your energy.” You added. It almost made Gyuvin chuckle, if he wasn’t so weirded out by the situation the two of you were currently in. You were so worried, when he wasn’t even badly injured. Sure, his head was throbbing from the open wound, but it wasn’t an internal bleeding or anything like that. It was just a wound on the head.

While yes, Gyuvin was a little weak because he had his head hit by something hard. But also yes to the fact that Gyuvin was annoyed because you were panicking for his well being. Even in such crucial times, Gyuvin managed to be irritated by your presence. He could barely process what you were saying to the telephone operator. The other thing he couldn’t process? The fact that he’s really enjoying being this close with you. He liked laying his head on your lap. In fact, he doesn’t even realise that he liked it. He swears he’s weirded out, but that’s only because he couldn’t exactly process his emotions and gather his thoughts at that time.

All he knew was that he didn’t like it when the paramedics took him from you when they transferred him onto the stretcher and into the ambulance. Although, of course, he wasn’t sure why he didn’t like it. Gyuvin told himself that it was probably just the comfort of being held after taking a literal blow on the head. He still finds you annoying. But would he jump on the opportunity of laying his head on your lap again? Well, yeah.

Everything was so bright inside the ambulance, you were there next to him, his visions were blurry, but he knew you were probably crying and muttering ‘is he gonna die?’ numerous times to the paramedic. He could’ve sworn you looked like snot was dripping from your nose, but he wasn’t entirely sure. It made him chuckle anyway, though.

Your face was the last thing he thought of before surrendering to his tired body. He fell asleep, but you were adamant that he was unconscious. Surprisingly, though, he managed to move his hand just enough for it to brush against yours. The motion was too subtle for either of you to notice it, but that was definitely Gyuvin’s body reacting. Reacting to what, exactly? Who knows.

Do you still hate each other? Maybe. Does your body crave each other’s touches after being close once? Yeah. Are either of you aware? Definitely not.

masterlist | previous | next

SYNOPSIS -͟͟͞☆ gyuvin tells himself that he’ll be okay, and losing friends is a part of growing up. he firmly believes that having to move schools in a different city was the universe telling him to try again. he then meets you, and he hates you. he knows he should be thankful that you saved his life, but every time he sees you, he gets annoyed.

NOTE -͟͟͞☆ this was long overdue and i apologise friends but i’m so glad i finally finished writing this

🏷️ ; @lluvjjun @p-romise9 @daydreamer5006 @gvuyin @jayujus @meoszn @lovefooi @mins-fins @qunwooks @gyuvinfan @annoyingbitch83 @ilovegyuvin @igotkpoops @deafeningtyrantmilkshake @purerehua @xinxinyy @rickysgfundercover @loverb0yz @keita-luv @nonamenonamenon @sunoosluvr @flor206-blog1 @j4dorebooks @rksbae @alwayswook @idkwatodoanymore @livelaughlovelicky @dimplewonie @kdjdh @antwe @andsjun @soobiverse @jiseokzzz @countmekocho @minkkumaz @cowsidfk @softyminhee @raeewe @girlokarina @ihrtjeongin @hanjisbeloved @jiaant11 @ilovechanhee @keilovr @bbangricz @444yizhuo @qnrui @wave2love @iraa567 @backzuhaz @jakahbot @satoreu @doobinnies @yizhuotv @manduhao @onlyhoons @kyanmeai @taereae @beomibeom @pollabug @ilovewonyo @eternallyhyucks @ajybeo

[v-67]

Completed watching Kotaro lives alone

And it just....is so, heart wrenching?

It's so full of emotions

And it makes you realise about the reality of the world in a bitter way?

How small kids perceive things, what a minute action can mean to them, how trauma affects a kid, and their innocence and trust through it all.

I know it's an anime, and the real world is different. But it's also somehow the same? The cruel parts and the nice parts?

Karino is a kind, warm human

It's difficult in reality to find people who would do what he did for Kotaro

And even if you do find them, and they want to help you, they usually can't because of their own schedule.

There were just too many parts within this anime which made me feel a little too many things. I don't know if people actually do such things to their children, but if they do, I'd just idk. I'd be really heartbroken. Kotaro eating tissues at some point. Kotaro's mom wearing gloves whenever taking care of him.

It's not clearly stated about what happened w Kotaro and his parents, why his dad was like that, what happened to his mom, his dad hiring detectives to find his location just so he could abuse him again?, Kotaro going through all of that and running away from home and living on his own

This anime is....so bittersweet.

I like how Kotaro has his own small family, I feel a little sad seeing him wish for his mom and dad and his motive to become stronger so that he could live with his dad again.

I feel sad seeing his trauma regarding the way he was treated

And I know it's something many people have gone through and still go through and sadly will continue to go through, because the world really is as cruel as it is okay.

But. Such a bittersweet anime. It's 10 episodes but I'm just happy and sad.

1st March, 2024

[alpaca-clouds]

Imagining a better world after the apocalypse?

Now, there are only few followers here, who know me from twitter, I think. But those who do know, that my hyperfixation fandom before Castlevania (though one without much in terms of fanfiction) was Mad Max: Fury Road. Like, I still fucking adore this batshit movie! The action is awesome. The color grading is amazing. And Charlize Theron is.......... Look, I have exactly one celebrity crush and it is this woman, alright?

But let me get to the point. The point is, that within that fandom I had quite a few discussions about one question: "Is Immortan Joe right with how he runs this place?" (Spoiler: My answer is "no".)

Weird question, given that Immortan Joe is the antagonist of the movie and a pretty shitty dude, who only perceives other people as his property that is supposed to serve him in some way or form.

But here is what those people would argue, who would argue for him actually being right and the end of the movie actually spelling desaster for that post-apocalyptic desert society, he has build: "Well, water, oil and sulfur are rare ressources in this post-apocalypse, so one would need to distribute it carefully. And if Furiosa is to establish a more equal society in the end, there will not be enough to go around. Just look at the water. If you leave it running like that, you would empty the reservoir within a couple of days!"

To which my answer always has been: "Our you could just create a better method of sharing the water with everybody. Like faucets. Instead of letting most of it go to waste on the ground. And you can just... not build an entire military based around gas-guzzeling cars and instead use the big advantage of the citadel that it is self-sufficient and super hard to conquer."

But... I think this argumentation also kinda reveals a certain cynicism people have been trained to use to see the world. We are trained to see the world as a "wolf eat wolf" society. That we need scarcity and that there needs to be an underclass of people.

But of course... This is just wrong. Even that post-apocalyptic society in that movie can actually turn into something nice. Into something better.

Especially as all the argumentation people have going on there, ignores one of the greatest things that the citadel has: Knowledge. There is tons of old knowledge through the books that are still there. Books from the old world. Books in engineering. On other things as well. And adding to that, they also have the oral knowledge of the vuvalini in the end.

And because I cannot help myself to bring this from my last hyperfixation to my current hyperfixation: Take the end of the Castlevania Netflix series, for example. Like, sure, most characters have a happy end. But that is not the hopeful thing about it. Because the series ends on the expressed goal of sharing knowledge. The vampires have collected all this knowledge the entire time. Knowledge of technology and medicine. But they have done basically nothing with it, but making their own living kinda nice. I mean, heck, why do vampires even need knowledge about medicine given that they apparently do not get sick and can heal all wounds within minutes.

And then the series ends on the expressed goal of sharing the knowledge. Isaac gets inspired to share his knowledge by the end of the series - and given that he ends up with access to the Styrian library he can share that knowledge as well. And we already see by the end, how the people from Danesti are both in the Belmont Hold and the library of the castle, are learning things.

You could argue, that what happens in the show is, from the perspective of the average person, the apocalypse. Like, there is literal fire raining down onto the earth. But... By the end of it. There is the potential to build a better world. A world, in fact, that would be better than what actually happened in the real world after 1476.

And I think that is just so darn hopeful.

I wished media would explore this more.

[sassy-bi-latina]

Dream final thoughts

I'm calm now. I actually think I won't say as much as originally planned cause I am no longer in the heat of the moment. But I still want to write about this show. Mostly cause I remember I wanted to do the same with GAP and then I didn't. My thoughts will be a mess so I'm sorry beforehand. I don't know where they'll lead throughout the post. SO LET'S FIND OUT TOGETHER.

I'll start by saying, I have read 5 books of Chaoplanoy (GAP, Blank, Dream, Us and Mate). Against my better wishes. I do this because my brain gets anxious by not knowing what happens. So reading the books helps me because it gives me a better idea where it'll go. It sometimes gives more insight to the characters like in Dream or The Secret of Us (which isn't a Chaoplanoy book but serves as an example). It also helps me see the adaptation in a different way and sometimes it helps me appreciate it more, for example, in Blank, which the book felt like Nueng was a bit predatory but the adaptation imo was so good, it just felt like a love story with two people with an age gap and nothing else which the book failed to deliver.

Okay, that being said, I said against my better wishes because if you know me and you talk to me, you will know I do NOT like Chaoplanoy's writing whatsoever. At first I thought it might be issues with translations but as I read more stories, I started to perceive patterns in her writing style that I didn't like.

Onto her adaptations, IDF gave us the biggest GL in recent times, they weren't the first to propose doing one, they just were the fastest so I think they got lucky. And I won't take credit away from the actresses nor the team behind GAP, but I genuinely feel like whomever had taken the first step would have been a success. IDF just so happens to be the first.

I will say, IDF released an initial pilot trailer that looked promising and while the editing and some of the acting choices didn't convince me as much, I was very sold with the plot points. And I think some of the things that distance themselves from the original book were a bit more interesting, like the focus on Song's relationship and the focus on the second lead couple which was scratched till the point they were just crumbs what we were getting. At the end, they decided to change some things at the beginning and then on the second part decided to be more loyal to the book. Which for me didn't work as much. Don't get me wrong, I did like GAP, I just think they did a disservice trying to initially take a different route to the book just to do a U turn and go back to it, because it didn't feel consistent.

And why am I saying all this about GAP when in theory it's my thoughts about Dream?

GREAT QUESTION MY FRIENDS.

And it's simply because while IDF "failed" in GAP by maintaining too loyal to the book they have the opposite issue with Dream, in which they lead astray so much and just didn't arrive to the heart of the people as well as it could have.

Dream, from the 5 books I've read has been the best one. Not only did I not actively dislike it, I genuinely enjoyed it and I genuinely think that had the show been more like the book more people would have.

For starters, a thing I've seen people complain about a lot is the lack of backstory of Kimwan. We're just thrust into their angst and they expect us just to feel for them without previously giving us anything to make us feel for them. That doesn't happen in the book. It starts with them as teenagers. We are told about the dreams, we are told how they met, we're actually told how they didn't get along at first. We get to see their school life. We see how they genuinely met (Mali was a loyal friend to Wan, a bit too loyal, and locked Kim in cause she didn't like how she treated Wan, which wasn't bad just Mali didn't like it). We ACTUALLY get to see Pam and how Wan and her had a rivalry going even them (just because Wan couldn't take someone being as pretty and equally admired as her).

We spend a couple of chapters just getting to know them, their bond just not between them two, but also with their friends. Did you know Kim got better at drawing because of Wan? The drawing she gave her during Valentine's? She practiced until late at night, because she has ALREADY given her a drawing that wasn't very good but she promised the next one was gonna be better, also because she knew Wan was gonna pick her next partner based on gifts.

Wan didn't end up confessing for the same reason as the show with the difference that the mothers WERE together, which was something I didn't like, and I did prefer they just kissed. But it made sense in the book that Wan never confessed, the mothers were together and she knew that would have broken Kim if she found out AFTER they got together.

Imo, in the show Wan could have confessed earlier cause they never actually got together but I guess she lost her bravery.

After we spent knowing them and loving them in highschool for a couple of chapters, which I think was at least 1/3 of the book we have a time jump where their story as adults starts.

The other thing is, we spent so much time with Marwin? Props for Heng, more work supposes that there's more pay for him but not so much for us. Marwin overstayed his welcome.

In the book, he was there but it didn't feel overwhelming. For starters, we know him at the same time Wan does. He is already established as Kim's boyfriend. Wan isn't thrilled but tries because it's Kim's choice. Kim never goes to work with him either. We also hear about the beach, but it's in passing, I think this, contrary to the highschool moments could have served better as a flashback. And tbh, in the show, contrary to the book, Kim seems more interested in Marwin, in the show he's just there. While in the book they have a genuine connection. You aren't necessarily rooting for him but it's understandable why Kim feels comfortable with him, which is exactly why Wan tries.

Another important thing that I think is lacking a bit in the show is that they kind of undersold Kim. Kim is as loyal to Wan as Wan is to Kim. I think one of the moments that reflects that best is in the scene where they're alone with Marwin's parents, in which, yeah they talked bullshit about Kim and Wan jumped them like in the show but then they started attacking Wan and that is Kim's limit. Matter of fact, Wan is surprised how Kim acts, so reassure and not taking anyone's bullshit and she says it herself, she doesn't care what anyone says about her but she will never let anyone talk shit about Wan.

Also, not only are they very loyal to one another, but they are best friends. Wan is actually with Kim when she receives the news about her mother having cancer, unlike the show, she's in late stages and I had hope they would change her dying but they didn't 😔, cause I'm the book she doesn't even receive treatment cause it felt hopeless. And I think stuff like that showcases their bond. I found it odd that you are going through that struggle and your first instinct isn't to tell your best friend even if they were fighting at the time, especially considering their bond.

Next up is the matter of the actual letter and the confessing their feelings. Yay for Samorn and her nosiness for saving her friends. But I actually did prefer how it happened in the books. Samorn, actually keeps telling Wan that she better act soon but she better not do anything on the wedding day, which is understandable. My girl is smart, she knew the consequences.

Wan doesn't throw the letter, or well, she does, on the shooting she's having that same day but our boy Pat picks it up and attempts to read it aloud and Wan is like "Hey that's mine" to which Pat responds with "Not anymore, you threw it". Wan ends up snatching it back and out of her OWN will reads it. By having Samorn taking a pic and telling Wan to read it, it feels like they took away a bit of Wan's autonomy. It just made me feel a bit weird about the whole scene.

I WILL say, the little moment between the four girls and the camping scene afterwards? Impeccable. Wouldn't touch it for nothing in the world. Marvellous. Gorgeous. Lives rent free in my mind. Thank you very much.

And last but definitely not least, the decline of Marwin. I think they shouldn't have cramped it all in the last episode. I think they should have taken 1 episode and a half of a slow decline, cause that's what happened, at first what Marwin started doing wasn't perceived much by Wan, she thought it was weird that both the fathers decided to retire early but nothing much until she realized it was Marwin. Which, btw, another moment in which Kim's loyalty is shown, she met Marwin behind Wan's back because she couldn't take Wan hurting, cause she wasn't getting much jobs done. But Wan interfered, which shows Wan's maturity imo, since she was like "Don't do that on your own. Every hardship we talk about it and we see how we deal with it TOGETHER" which I think is very sweet. Anyway, they did attempt to apologize together like in the show, and his villain monologue also happened but in the show it fell flat. I think it was better established how he became the very thing he didn't want to be. You knew beforehand his dreams and aspirations and how what he did he did it out of love (regarding his businesses) and not money.

I WILL SAY, I don't necessarily think the show is horrible. The actresses are amazing and have great chemistry. I really liked the secondary couple, although I wish we would have seen more of them. I did like they DIDN'T make the fathers soulmates like in the book. I adore the bond between the four girls. I like the inclusion of Pam and Dokrak. I liked Pat and him being such a nice guy. I also think Jessie was a fun addition.

I ALSO think, that with some different editing, rearranging some scenes the show would have been better.

I also think IDF needs to learn that people like angst but different shows and stories require different formulas because angst for the sake of angst isn't fun.

If you're here, thank you for reading this long ass post.

As a treat, some fun facts

- If you've seen Blank, you know that one radio show Anueng likes, well, in the book of Blank, Wan actually calls the station and explains her story with Kim.

- The singer of the MV is Pleng from the Affair book, series coming out this month, on the 30th.

- The other MV actress in the book is a reporter that had a scandal, if I'm not mistaken a sex tape of her with another woman was leak. I think I read somewhere that she also has a book 🤔. But I don't recall her name.

ANYWAY, with that. I leave. I probably didn't say a lot of the stuff I initially wanted but that's mostly because I'm calm now.

One final thing, IDF you shall pay for your crimes. And please give me fluffy Faymay. I DESERVE it 🥺.

PS. I do not want to be tagged as one of those persons that is like "Oh the book is better" and sounds bitchy about literally any adaptation. Far from it. Matter of fact, ask my friends, they'll tell you how much I dislike that IDF has me defending Chaoplanoy's books 😔.

An addition that I forgot and it's very much necessary: I wish they would have, at ANY point, made Kim tell Wan that they IN FACT slept together at the beach, she just gaslighted her cause she got scared? THAT WAS NOT A GODDAMN DREAM AND THAT'S THE HILL I'LL DIE ON!!!

[neonscandal]

Hi! I have a question, I hope I can explain myself: how would you describe Gojo on a moral level? I see the majority of the fandom (jjk in general, not just the shipping ones) considers him a good person, but I'd argue he's more on the grey side...and not a light grey. See, I can't really wrap my head around the way he blatantly ignores the fact the Suguru was completely fucked up, to the point that in chap 236 he wishes Suguru was with him before fighting Sukuna and imagining him (adult Suguro, the fucked up one) together with the same students he tried to kill in jjk0. How on earth? If I'm not mistaken Gojo never really says "yeah, Suguru was my friend but he used to be completely different, this is not the Suguru I used to be friends with". He never says Suguru was wrong. He just misses him, even though he was surrounded by people who liked him. At least Shoko clearly doesn't feel any affection towards Suguru. And let's not talk about the way he doesn't really seem concerned about the future of his students in chap 236. What do you think? Just to clarify: I do like Gojo. But I don't share the sentiment of the rest of the fandom: he's not a good person. I guess Nanami was right

This is a (somewhat) fair assessment.

Character alignment wise, I think Gojo enters into Jujutsu High as a Chaotic Neutral and transcends into more of a Chaotic Good or maybe Neutral Good? It's hard to say because, if in universe, Gojo is the perceived solution to every problem then why are there still so many problems? Including Geto's 10 year stint running amok?

Morally, Gojo absolutely exists in shades of grey. He uses his power to do the lawful thing but... at the same time, could, on a whim, use his power to do what he or Geto feels to be the right thing. The biggest example being the fact that they were willing to protect Riko Amanai's right to choose whether she wished to merge or not even if the latter would have catastrophic ramifications. Based on the needs of society, Riko needed to merge with Tengen, but Gojo recognized erasure of one girl for the security of others wasn't necessarily right. As an adult, again, he does what needs doing but pushes back on elders that would rather see the likes of Yuta Okkotsu or Yuji Itadori dead.

We have to understand that jujutsu society, with all its rules and hierarchy, isn't a morally upright system to begin with. Gojo, as a Big Three Family heir, is deeply entrenched in that. But he has enough sense to, in his own way, try to correct what he perceives to be travesties.

Suguru Geto is a casualty of this imperfect system and Gojo's initial inability to recognize Geto's struggle was the fatal flaw that put the final nail in his coffin. Discovering the twins was the hand that swung the hammer and he was subsequently radicalized. Gojo wasn't the only person who still kept space for Geto. Nanami and Shoko could also understand that the slaughter of that village was wrong but not find it in their hearts to condemn Geto or hear ill words spoken against him. None of them condemn him because, even if his method was wrong, they understand why he desperately wanted to change the way things are.

Gojo's affection for Geto, in my mind, does not necessarily make him a completely bad person, though. For one, while he doesn't outright condemn what happens in the village, he is clearly dismayed by the murder of Geto's parents. We see that he does in fact understand the wrongness of Geto's transgressions. Bear in mind that, until broken by the system they all served, Geto was a gentle and just person with a noble idea of what was right. So earnestly that Gojo allowed space for Geto to influence his own morality. So this radical change in behavior is a shock to Gojo's system and, even though he was used to deferring to Geto's judgement (like not killing the Time Vessel Association), he very clearly and autonomously recognized Geto's sins. Gojo had an unconditional acceptance or love for Geto which is why, despite everything, he would still find satisfaction in closing the loop, as it were, with Suguru right beside him.

⚠️ Spoiler warning for JJK chapter 236.

The man is dead, what more do you want from him? He knew he was going to die and fought hoping that those who remained could pick up the slack of the weakened opponent. 236 was merely an echo of the same faith he had after he was sealed - that he trusted in the people he left behind. I think Gojo has also come to terms with the fact that all he can do is throw everything he's got at the situation. His failure is unfathomable to most but he's been shown the limits to his power before so perhaps that's why he's overly cavalier. In most situations, he's the first line of defense so if that doesn't cut it... what more can he do?

Bear in mind, what we see of Gojo's afterlife in 236 is more than likely what he hopes for in his heart of hearts. But I'm not really subscribed to the idea that he's Gojover. I could be wrong, especially since Gege Akutami keeps comparing other people to Gojo in his absence to fill in the gaps and explain how they could possibly hope to beat Sukuna. But I think what we saw was an extended version of what Nanami experienced before passing.

You can go left or right - Yuki to Geto about his radical ideals

You can go North to start anew or South to your old self - Mei to Nanami and actualized in his dying moments with an apparition of Haibara

These are choices and the second is as explained to Gojo as if he has the same choice. From his hope that it isn't all in his imagination and the setting therein, it would seem he's leaning toward accepting his fate but I just don't think that's the case. If anything, this prolonged ideation is possible because that brain of his is intact. Gojo even told Toji that he should have cut off his head if he wanted to kill him so, who's to say whether that applies now.

Regarding Nanami being right, I assume you mean the Nanami in chapter 236. In which case:

Hypothesis: The reason we see Gojo surrounded by younger versions of those he lost is because they are attached to the version of himself that died. Gojo will come back as a more enlightened person.

Keep in mind, in a way, Adult Nanami understands Gojo. Every version of Nanami is annoyed by Gojo but there's still a respect that goes both ways, even when their ideals differ. I think Nanami's assessment that "You live for jujutsu. You don't wield it to protect something. You use it solely for the sake of satisfying yourself." is apropos for high school Gojo. But that was before he lost Geto, developed a resolve to take in Megumi and Tsumiki (albeit selfishly), protect Yuta from the elders with his life, and protect Yuji. Empirically, there's a facet of Gojo that uses his power for good and it feels like the versions of Haibara, Nanami, Geto and Yaga that he encounters would be unaware of that. I think that's what makes the fact that Gojo visualizes Adult Geto celebrating him stick out even more. Why the mind games, Gege??

In summation, Gojo continues to exist swathed in shades of grey. He could be better but he could definitely be worse. He is a reflection of a corrupt system that masquerades under the impression of working in service of the greater good but ignores the problematic elements of the likes of Mei Mei, and Naoya Zenin.

[baldurs-gape]

Noise Complaint

By their very nature, gods expected things to happen as they wanted. Clashes between them were inevitable but thankfully rare. Generally, Ao had a good grasp on how to handle disputes before they spilled into other realms. Alas, it wasn't always possible to intervene or to reach a sufficiently acceptable solution which was how so many wars and the like started. Then there were times when the argument stayed within Elysium and Ao desperately wished it wouldn't. This was one such instance.

"You've got to do something!" Tyr hissed, teeth gritted.

If it had been just Mystra coming to Ao, it would have been so much easier. Jilted lovers were common among gods and Ao could write a handbook on dealing with them at this point. Unfortunately, Mystra hadn't been the first to approach about the issue. She wasn't even the second.

Even Shar was there, arms crossed over her chest.

"My domain carries the echoes, this has to cease."

Helm nodded along, "He should be kicked out. We don't need this kind of disturbance here."

Murmurs of agreement went up from the gathered gods. When even Loviatar appeared to lodge a complaint, Ao knew it was serious. Head in hand, it was difficult to think. Ao had to admit that it wasn't the gathered gods that were the main source of the issue. No, it was the moans that carried through to all corners of Elysium since the new god arrived. It was all well and good to force one's way into their ranks, but surely some decorum and manners were to be expected. But no. The God of Ambition seemed to have taken his role rather seriously, assuming his personal ambition was to piss every other god off.

"Very well. I will pay him a visit." Cries of relief and mutters of 'about time' melded into a choir of pacified gods. It seemed Ao had a trip to make.

Travel through Elysium wasn't as most imagined. Especially not for a being like Ao, who just had to think and the realms warped around the wish.

Stepping into the freshly created realm of ambition, Ao peered around. It seemed very...confused. A cross between human creature comforts and grandiose excess. Obviously the new god had issues letting go of his past. An obnoxious, breathy moan reminded Ao about the purpose of the visit. At least the realm had rooms and doors still so Ao knocked on the door where the noise came from and counted out a decade on the Material Plane before entering. Regret was imminent.

There was the newest god, kneeling on the floor, deep purple ropes criss-crossing his body in a restraint and a harness. On the bed in front of him was the abomination of the Vampire Ascendent, booted foot pressed against the god's naked crotch.

"Look, puppy. We have an audience." As he spoke, the abomination turned the god's head. Ao didn't know whether to be glad or mortified to not have learnt the new god's name yet. In a way it didn't matter because the god whimpered, hips twitching against the boot.

All words were gone in every living, dead and not yet invented language. Ao had seen it all, thought nothing could be a surprise anymore. Being wrong was both a thrill and a disappointment.

A century passed in the Material Plane. Then another. The Vampire Ascendent shrugged and turned away from Ao.

"Darling." One single word and the new god's focus was back on him. "My little treasure, you've been so good for me, haven't you? I think you deserve a reward."

No god, old or new, should whine in submission like that. Ao regretted perceiving what happened next. It seemed ambition did away with shame.

"Good boy, Gale," the Vampire Ascendent purred, eyes fixed on Ao and a dangerous smile on his lips. "You're my good pup, aren't you?"

Very slowly, the door closed as Ao backed out of the room and turned away. Not before hearing a raspy, needy "Astarion" from Gale's lips. An eternity passed as the moans turned to cries then quieted into murmurs of affection and adoration that was close to worship.

The other gods needed to be soothed, reassured. Ao hadn't done anything other than walk in, get an eyeful then leave. Kicking the new God of Ambition out with no explanation didn't bode well. As a human, he had already achieved godhood once, and given that his realm was ambition, Ao had no doubt that he'd manage to rise again a second time. There was nothing for it. Elysium was to be abandoned to ambition. Ao set about creating a new, quiet and harmonius realm. One that had no place for ambition or vampires or noise complaints.