#but i still struggle with the changes of s6

[milogoestogreendale]

i think maybe one of the reasons i don’t really watch s6 id that im afraid im not abed-nadir autistic: loveable, confident, pop-culture obsessed and part of the found family despite his quirks and eccentricities. sometimes i feel more like frankie-dart autistic… perceived as a cold, detached outsider who never really feels like a true member of the group

honestly i see a lot of myself in frankie, she’s just trying to help greendale in her way of understanding the world which can be very black-and-white. she doesn’t see the point of all the magic that makes greendale what it is because she doesn’t feel like a part of it. we as the audience go in expecting to dislike her, because she symbolizes the change we’re not ready to deal with. they see her as sucking the life out of greendale which im sure is really disheartening to someone who just wants to be loved like everybody else. and it’s kind of heartbreaking to me that frankie never really finds that sense of belonging that made the rest of the group feel unconditionally accepted at greendale

[al-luviec]

cont...

still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)

[certaimromance]

𝜗𝜚 A Heart Matter.

Spencer Reid x Prentiss!reader

Series masterlist | ONE | TWO | THREE |

Summary: A few months after you left, Spencer thinks he sees you walking down the street, and his whole world is turned upside down.

Words: 3,2k.

TW: mentions of crime, trauma, death, pain and violence (normal warnings in the series). so much spoilers for s6 and s7. the events narrated occur after emily's "death". so much angst. read the dates carefully, especially the years, because there are some backward time frames that can confuse you if you don't pay attention!. english isn't my first language (sorry for my mistakes, be kind please).

Note: I'm so sorry, that's all I can say now.

Also, I thought about making this a series, but I'm not sure because I've never done one before and I've really only been writing here for about a month??? I'm trying hard.

♡ Enjoy! ♡

July 18th, 2011

The steady ticking of the wall clock echoed in Spencer's head as a reminder that his time in the session was ticking away, robbing him of the chance to express himself without sounding like a complete lunatic.

“I saw her.�� He had to repeat it aloud after receiving a puzzled look from his therapist.

The woman pursed her lips. “In a dream? Are you having nightmares again?”

The lump in the agent's throat felt tighter and more suffocating, causing him to shift in his seat to hide it. He wanted to appear sane and focused, however much his next words were anything but.

“No.”

The therapist's intrigued look and the fact that she stopped writing in her notebook to give him her full attention made his hands tremble and his heart pound as he spoke again.

“I mean, I still have the same nightmares...but this, this is different.” Reid tried to explain hesitantly.

Since the day he found you lying in a pool of blood outside your sister's apartment, his mind had been tormented by the image and the guilt it caused him. The nightmares of seeing you again and losing you were a constant every night. Every time he managed to fall asleep, he woke up agitated, feeling again the emptiness of not having you by his side. And that was something his therapist knew better than anyone, because she forced him to write down every nightmare and tell her all of them.

Those bad dreams were supposed to be over, or so he had claimed for the past three weeks.

“How?”

“I wasn't asleep when I saw her.” Spencer finally blurted out in a slightly shaky voice. He had rehearsed the same conversation several times and always ended up feeling like a deranged man seeing ghosts. “I was on the street.”

That sentence instantly changed the tone of the conversation.

“It was after work, I went to buy some food because the case ended earlier than I thought. Her favorite Chinese restaurant is a few blocks from my apartment, we really liked to eat there...I bought some and when I came out, I saw her.” He paused for a minute, trying to mentally return to the moment that was relentlessly replaying in his mind. “She was across the street, buying flowers.”

He had to be quiet for a second, pausing to calm his own breathing. It was ridiculous, but the thought of you buying flowers again made him smile slightly.

You had always loved flowers and now he was supposed to bring them to your grave.

“I ran across the street as soon as I saw her, but I lost sight of her when a bus came across.” He said, struggling to finish his story.

“Spencer, listen to me.” The woman's tone alone let him know that she didn't agree with him at all. “It's normal to think we see someone we lost, it happens to several people. Maybe it was just someone who looked like her, and being near a place the two of you frequented contributed to the confusion.”

That was impossible because he would recognize you anywhere and there was no one else like you.

“You know the truth.”

Of course he knew.

He had been trying to live for six months knowing that you were already dead.

Six months of him trying to deal with your ghost. Six months of him on his knees begging for this to be just another nightmare. Six months of reliving the last time he held you in his arms. Six months of being dead in life.

“Yes, but she looked different.” He explained, receiving a puzzled look that prompted him to provide further clarification. “Her hair was shorter, much shorter. And if I were hallucinating her ghost, I'd see her the same way I saw her the last time, or maybe the time before that. It wouldn't be so different from the way I remember her.”

“You lost two important people on the same day, it's not about logic.”

From her reaction when he concluded his session, it was evident that she considered his perspective to be irrational and clouded by the effects of grief.

And maybe it was.

July 30th, 2011

A few days of missing therapies and locking himself up at work already had consequences.

It was the second time a case had ended earlier than expected and Spencer had to go back to his lonely apartment and find excuses to leave without feeling sorry for himself. It was hard for him to be in his own home without you, surrounded by the photos you always insisted on taking and framing to preserve moments that were now torture. So the best solution was to make unnecessary purchases or lock himself in the nearest library.

Anything was better than being locked in a room with himself, so he decided to read in a room full of strangers who provided the company he so desperately needed.

The bad news was that the library's closing time had come earlier than expected for unknown reasons, and life seemed to force him to face his reality on the busy streets of Virginia, taking every possible alternate route to delay his arrival home. He didn't want to have to open the door knowing that no one would be waiting for him, that you wouldn't be there asleep on the couch after watching a marathon of your favorite movies, or just trying to read one of his books so you could discuss it with him.

His mind was still hazy and his eyes were wandering through the shops of the city when a familiar and unmistakable figure appeared before his eyes, just a few meters away, coming out of one of the shops on the next street.

It was you again. Unmistakably you.

He started running without a second thought, but the streets were so crowded that it was hard for him to move through the mass of people. His heartbeat was out of control and probably everyone could hear him, but he didn't care about looking crazy, he just needed to get a little closer to talk and make sure it was you.

The city's public transportation seemed to be against him, because just as he was about to cross the street, not caring that the light was red, another bus crossed the street and almost ran him over. Just a few inches and the story would have been very different for him. Everyone on the street was whispering, car horns were honking and every now and then someone would ask him if he was okay or look at him like he was a psychiatric patient. But nothing mattered to him, there was only your image in his mind and the possibility of finding out if he was really going crazy or if your ghost was haunting him.

When he managed to cross the street, there was no sign of you, and his therapist's words echoed in his mind as a symbol of temporary insanity brought on by pain. Try as he might to ignore his conscience, there was no way to find you in the sea of people, and he had no choice but to enter the store where he thought he saw you coming out.

“A woman bought something here a few minutes ago, she had a bag slung over her shoulder.” Spencer spoke quickly as soon as he walked in and approached the local salesman. He paused only when the man nodded in confusion at his attitude. “Do you know her name? Where she's from? Does she come here often?”

The man's lips were sealed, he just waved his hand to let him know he would only talk for money. He didn't even flinch when Reid pulled out his badge and repeated that he was FBI. Anyway, the thirty dollars was the master key to get the information and the security camera footage, which was barely visible because of the poor quality.

“I don't know who she is, it's the first time I've seen her. There aren't many customers on my shift, and not everyone buys that many books.” He began to speak under Spencer's curious gaze. “She paid cash and bought a bunch of classics. And she had a limp.”

“Are you sure? Which leg was it?”

There was a short silence, which the salesman used to remind himself, and Spencer's nerves got even more out of control.

“I don't remember which leg it was but I was definitely limping. I noticed that when she climbed the ladder, I had to help her.”

January 11th, 2010

“Can we eat here?” You asked after reading the sign that said the restaurant's elevator was under repair. “There are a few tables.”

Spencer couldn't help but frown and let go of your hand to stand in front of you. His eyes searched for yours. “I thought you wanted to come up, the view is your favorite thing here.”

You two were at your favorite restaurant, a Chinese food paradise with the best view in city, according to your expert opinion. It wasn't the first time the two of you had been there, so you had already more than booked a table, and this one was on the third floor. Your favorite part of going there was seeing the moon.

And of course, Dr. Reid was the kind of guy who always paid attention to the little details. He remembered everything, and could probably tell what you were thinking just by looking into your eyes for a few seconds.

“Let me take you upstairs, please.”

His puppy-dog eyes and a single phrase were enough to get you to let him take you by the arm and lead you up the stairs at a slow pace. By the time you got to the second floor, he offered to carry you like a princess. You had no choice but to accept, especially since it had already taken you more than ten minutes to climb a single floor. The pitying looks from the other diners were starting to make you uncomfortable.

“Thank you, Spencer.” You mumbled as you reached the table and he pulled up a chair for you.

He smiled. He loved how you said his name and wanted to hear it for hours.

After you both sat down and made your requests, you spoke again. “Aren't you going to ask why I can't climb a ladder?”

“I won't ask you anything you don't want to answer.” He said simply.

You felt like you could tell him anything, even your darkest thoughts. Your sister had already talked about it. Either it was the Reid effect, or you were just madly in love with him. Both were quite similar in your view.

“I hurt myself while I was practicing ballet. I made a really bad move.” You spoke up after a few minutes of silence. He frowned when he heard you. He had no idea you played the sport. “I was supposed to have quit, so I didn't tell anyone. Only Emily knew. I didn't treat it until the injury got worse when I went out in the field on a case. That's how I retired from the FBI. My mom freaked out, and my left ankle was screwed up for my whole life.”

Before you turned your attention back to Spencer, you prepared yourself mentally for the sympathy he would undoubtedly show. The curious thing was that in his eyes, there was nothing but interest and gratitude for having allowed him to know more about you. That was what kept you talking.

“There's an operation to try to fix it, but recovery takes quite some time. I'd rather always take the elevator and avoid the stairs as much as possible than have to rely on Emily to take care of me for three whole months. She has work to do and would go crazy having to be my maid.”

“I would.” He said without hesitation. When you looked curious, he elaborated. “I'd take care of you.”

“For three whole months?” You asked, sounding rather incredulous and as if you thought maybe he was just being extra nice.

“For the rest of my life, if you let me.”

September 5th, 2011

“There's no way you could have seen her, Spence.”

JJ's eyes fell on his friend's not-so-shaky ones, and a part of her churned inside, not knowing what else to say to him. It was eleven o'clock at night, the first time in several days that Spencer had shown up at her house to try to find comfort and perhaps understanding.

“I know, I know it shouldn't be possible.” He replied and went back to pacing the room, trying not to make a sound. The last thing he wanted was to wake up his godson or his friend's husband. “But it was so real...maybe I'm crazy.”

“You're not.” She said firmly, getting up from her seat to give him a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

At the time, even he didn't know for sure, and that made him fear that he had lost his mind. He was hungry for a love that he would never have again.

“You just miss her.”

No, missing was nothing compared to his feelings.

“It's more than that, much more. I haven't been able to catch my breath since she left.” He admitted, running his hands through his hair as tears formed. “I miss Emily, too, and I don't see her walking down the street.”

Silence fell over the room because no one had anything to say. There weren't enough words to describe the situation. The only sound that could be heard was the man's sobbing on Jennifer's shoulder, trying to be encouraged with words.

“It's going to be all right, Spence.”

He didn't say it out loud, but he thought he'd never get anything right in his life if all he wanted was you.

March 14th, 2010

The coffee he was carrying kept him warm as he made his way through the chilly FBI offices. Spencer wondered if the air conditioning had broken down when he reached the technical analyst's office and a conversation stopped him in his tracks.

“My take? She looks like she'll be Mrs. Reid one day.” Penelope's voice was heard after several loose sentences that the boy couldn't understand from the other side of the door. He figured they were talking about him and his relationship with you.

“I hadn't thought about Reid being legally part of my family until now.” Emily spoke next, letting out a few chuckles. “I'm going to have mini geniuses for nephews.”

“Stop it, we're just dating.” You spoke with some nervousness, still reeling from the implications. “It's not like we're getting married tomorrow.”

As he leaned against the wall by the door to hear better, Spencer couldn't help but feel a bit guilty about what he was doing. He knew it wasn't right to overhear other people's conversations, especially if they were about him. But he had a feeling he needed to know what you were saying about him when he wasn't around. It wouldn't hurt to just hear a little bit.

“Don't pretend you don't talk about future names for your babies, I heard you two.” Garcia spoke again.

“It was a random conversation.”

“About baby names?” She gave a little smile and raised an eyebrow.

“What I mean is that bringing things forward is not good.” You began to speak, completely ignoring the previous point. You were trying to be the voice of reason in the midst of their ridicule. “But I'd like him to be the one.”

“I think I'll shed a tear or two because you've grown up so fast.” Your sister commented in a teasing tone that hid quite a bit of truth. She gave your hand a quick squeeze and looked at you for a few seconds before speaking again. “What's up with that look on your face?”

You frowned. Spencer's heart seemed to stop beating for a moment. “What look?”

“You know which one I mean—the one you put on when the coffee runs out.”

Reid's hands began to sweat. He felt like a teenager trying to figure out what the girl he liked really thought of him. Did you ever have doubts about your relationship? Did you ever picture yourself with him in the future? Was he really the one for you?

“The scariest thing about love is getting hurt.” You said, trying to initiate the idea. Unfortunately, Penelope beat you to it and spoke up.

“I'm sure he wouldn't hurt you.”

“I know, I don't care about that.” You spoke up again after a few seconds, looking around the room as if lost in thought. “What if I do it? What if I break his heart?”

Oh, that was certainly not something Spencer was expecting to hear.

“How would you break his heart? Not answering his calls for five minutes and seven seconds?” Interjected Emily with a teasing tone to try to lighten the mood and get a smile out of you. “I don't think either of you would consciously hurt the other.”

And right after that, the protagonist of the discussion entered the room, causing the three of you to remain silent and pretend that nothing was going on. You could only smile when your boyfriend came in with a hot coffee for you and you saw the tender looks the two women gave you.

“Thank you.” You said.

“It's nothing.” He replied, pulling you close to surprise you with a hug that brought him close enough to your ear to whisper. “You could never break my heart.”

September 21st, 2011

Ian Doyle was only a couple of meters away.

Spencer's fist throbbed and burned, still stained with the blood of the man who had taken everything from him seven months ago. He knew he had done wrong, that he had promised everyone that he would only talk to the terrorist, and that he had done much more than that. The team had barely been able to get him out of the interrogation room because he was out of control with rage.

He wanted to make him feel a lot of pain and a minimum of what you and Emily probably felt that night.

“You need to calm down.” JJ came out of the meeting room to stop him before he could go in.

“I'm calm.” He replied, still trying to regulate his breathing. He could see his friend raise an eyebrow, and he decided to speak up again to avoid upsetting her. “This is about as calm as I can get right now.”

As soon as he was done speaking, Reid tried to keep going to the room, but the woman was in his way again and stopped him from opening the door.

“You have to be calm for what Hotch has to tell you. I mean it.” Jennifer said, after receiving a confused look. “What you're going to see now...”

“I'll be fine.”

Without giving her a chance to say anything else, he opened the door to the room. Spencer thought he'd find photos of the crime scene that ruined his life, maybe some testimony he didn't know about, or even the killer there. But none of that was true, and it made his heart stop.

“Hi.”

You certainly broke his heart this time.

[ohnopeh]

i find it incredibly funny and telling seeing ian's reaction to mickey going to a hipster concert with his 'boyfriend'

he's there making faces and describing them looking at mickey as in 'this is everything you hate, are you for real?'

i love how his reaction is to laugh and not to feel jealous at mickey ''trying'' to ''fit in'' for the guy, cause he knows he's just doing that to keep the whole ''i've moved on'' thing going and byron. it also made me think how this is what ian did with his other relationships, trying so hard to be loved. he knows that doesn't work and that mickey isn't like that so he doesn't feel threatened by ian's poundland's version. but ian? ian had to listen to trevor's music, tried to be ''cool'' and go to the club cause trevor kept pushing himself over ian i'mnotafraidofanything gallagher.

i feel like ian's need to fit where people tell him to increased with s4 when he was maniac and away from his family. him being at the club, having ''regulars'' and parties (e.x. the one he went with mickey) he had this whole life that he didn't like but kept on shoving on himself cause he thought that's what he has to do to be loved. but then he's with mickey and s5 has him move on from that life as he's with someone who doesn't make him feel like he needs to try and pretend being someone else. s6 happens and the whole EMT is amazing but still, ian is still being used in ways (making caleb's father's angry + fucking a girl) so people want him just cause he fits with their needs and not what they can share together. its always ian giving to others. s7 with the whole trevor thing felt so awkward, he made ian feel like shit for not being up to date with every lgbtq term. trevor's group was basically this

despite that, ian was never enough. trevor kept telling him off and showing how cool and superior he is compared to ian. which is why i love how ian can see through mickey's bullshit, knowing that doing so its just trying too hard, not being genuine. its not what mickey and ian are. ''can't we just be ian and mickey?''

and i think that also reflects on s11 arc for them. ian wants to make the marrige work, he doesn't want mickey to regret it so he tries so hard, but by doing so they struggle to understand each others at first. they both want monogamy but a misunderstanding makes them both think the other wants to include people in their sex life. debbie and mickey point out that ian gets influenced by lip and that he doesn't have other friends. he thinks they seem it as something bad, something he needs to change. so what does he do? he decides that he and his husband are going to have gay friends and do the whole 'sex with others' thing. what's funny is that they both know they don't want that so what does ian do to convince mickey to tag along? he makes him jealous

''...who knows what will happen?'' and mickey sees through his bullshit

he's like ''are you really pulling this shit on me?'' so when he reminds ian what their decision was, ian tells him ''then i guess we should make some friends together.'' he tags along, they hang out with other gay people just like the ones trevor was friend with. but this time ian is comfortable saying that's not going to do it for him. but mickey? he's is a little shit and wants ian to learn a lesson so they stay till the night and all that shit. but THEN

they come back from the shitty hang out and mickey knows! he knows that ian finally understands. ian didn't have fun, ian didn't want to be with them, didn't want to force that lifestyle cause this time he's not with someone who's asking him to do that. ian even says

mickey's face is a clear ''no shit, sherlock.'' despite being himself with mickey, he's still struggling to accept that mickey wants ''all of the fucking versions of me.'' so he tries to force what he thinks will be the best for mickey, for them. which is also why he regrets getting the house on the west side after mickey's breakdown. he did sign the paper cause mickey was the first one to suggest checking it out, he knows that mickey deserves more than being a ''southside trash'' but he pushed it without giving mickey a chance to elaborate it. once ian finally realises that, he's willing to take a step back go back to where mickey is comfortable. this time though, mickey knows that ian is doing it for them and to show mickey his life is so much more than being what his father wanted him to become. and then the anniversary day? i have this headcanon that ian didn't say anything first because he wanted to check if mickey still cared about it, if he didn't regret getting married to ian. after a year together ian tried and 'failed' to make things work the way he thought they were supposed to be. is mickey still 'fucking crazy' for wanting that? so he waits, tries to remind him. they go to the alibi and ian has given up, he doesn't want to go out, he wants to go home and he's so desperate for mickey to remember their anniversary before the day ends. so he tells him but mickey reaction is anything but hurtful to ian. patting him on the shoulder and saying ''that's great.''

he must be thinking, 'this is the same person that fought so hard for us to get married, went all crazy over it and planned to kill his father for ruining it-- and now that we've hit the one year mark he's forgotten and just pat me on the shoulder?' cause ian knows what it feels like to be loved by mickey and he doesn't see it in that moment, he's scared.

the face he makes once he realises that he planned a big surprise for him, for them. for their love? its like he can finally breathe, they're okay, they're going to be okay. because they're ian and mickey and they love each other and go through everything together. ''thick and thin all that shit.''

and finally he knows he can stop trying so hard to fit somewhere he doesn't want to be, because he's loved for who he is, with all of his flaws that others made him think he wasn't worth the trouble. but just like ian makes mickey free, mickey himself makes ian feel free.

bonus 'mickey's ''no way i would forget about that'' expression.'

[kradogsrats]

I am Near, I am Here: Rayla, the Moon, and Love as Presence

I was originally going to add this to @raayllum's post about Rayla's lullaby and Ethari but then the number of screenshots I was taking before I even started to write indicated that it had gotten out of hand.

Rayla's lullaby ties in with a lot of stuff going on in s6, most of them related to her relationship with Callum, which has its last barriers broken down and leaves their bond stronger than ever. Surely so strong that nothing in s7 could possibly challenge it. Most of Rayla's life has been defined by absence—the absence of her parents, her own forced absence from her community, her chosen absence from Callum. The lullaby, however, affirms that even when the moon appears to be absent, it is still there, and has been all along.

This is an interesting facet of the Moon arcanum, which is usually focused on certain dualities—life and death, reality and illusion, presence and absence—but also on the permeable borders between them, on change and cycles between those states.

We also actually have a window into Rayla's own understanding of the Moon arcanum—her first transformation into Moonshadow form in Bloodmoon Huntress. Look, just... bear with me, okay?

It's explicit that not all Moonshadow elves can achieve Moonshadow form, and that for most it takes months or years of meditation and training. I read this as that, while Moonshadow elves are born with an innate connection to the Moon primal, attaining Moonshadow form requires developing a deeper understanding of its arcanum. Runaan describes it as being about the balance of life and death:

Rayla can't reach Runaan's understanding of the Moon arcanum, which is somewhat hilariously about recognizing yourself in your enemy (something Rayla winds up being very good at) and understanding why you have to kill them, anyway (something Rayla winds up being very bad at).

What does work for her to achieve Moonshadow form at a terrifyingly young age is focusing on her wingaling, and a statement from Ethari:

Both are about love as being present—something Rayla is conflicted about in her parents' absence. The wingaling represents a promise that Ethari and Runaan will always come for her when she's in need. Ethari's statement is originally made in the context of explaining that Runaan's devotion to his people may require him to make great sacrifices, but that devotion can also be the smallest act of presence, and both are necessary. Her understanding of the Moon arcanum is about that presence—the moon that is always there, even at times when there is no light.

As Rayla is struggles with why her parents Runaan leaves those he loves to risk his life for others, Ethari explains that he and Runaan both know he may never come back, and that is something Ethari has to accept because Runaan can't be separated from that devotion and duty when it comes to loving him. What's missing from the conversation is acknowledgement of the trust and commitment that underpins that acceptance—Ethari's trust that Runaan will come back, and Runaan's commitment to do so.

The moon is there even when it has waned to invisibility, but it goes unstated that it also always waxes back to full. You can trust that it's there when it can't be seen, and you can trust that its light is coming back. You can trust that it's there when it can't be seen because you can trust that its light is coming back.

I am near, the lullaby says. I will be with you again soon. Until then, remember that my love is always here.

That's an understanding that Rayla crucially doesn't have when she leaves. In Dear Callum, she never once promises or even suggests to Callum that she will come back to him, even if she finds Viren. The closest she gets is the lukewarm:

I wish I could say that we will see each other again, but I don’t know if we will. I hope so.

So not only is she shattering the trust Callum had in her by abandoning him after she told him they would stay together, she won't even offer any real reassurance that she will return. Because she doesn't really think she will. Her only commitment to keep him safe, and as long as being separated accomplishes that, she will stay away. How is he supposed to accept that? What reason could he ever have to believe that she and her love are there, even when out of sight?

And yes, all of this does stem from things she learned from Runaan—Mr. "I do what I must so those I love don't have to"—but the key difference is that when push comes to shove, Runaan understands something else:

The same thing that Tiadrin and Lain did:

And that Amaya does:

That love is ultimately strengthened through presence, and through presence it strengthens us, in turn. When we open ourselves to strengthen those we love and trust them to strengthen us, then our love cannot be diminished by distance or absence.

Somewhere between Bloodmoon Huntress and s1, Rayla loses sight of that, and she doesn't rediscover it until confronted by Amaya over how her leaving harmed Callum—and how it harmed Rayla herself. Amaya isn't the first to tell her how she hurt Callum, but she's the first one to really convey to Rayla that keeping her secrets and burdens from Callum isn't sparing him from their weight and pain, only weakening her. It has always weakened her. Until she turns that around, she is denying both of them their best selves—her as the light that will bring him out of any darkness, him as the anchor that will bring her home from any distance.

The end of s6 beautifully shows the culmination of all Rayla has learned in the slow return of her relationship with Callum, and to top it off, she gets to demonstrate it to Runaan. (Since Callum already knows.)

Trapped in the In-Between, Runaan is consumed by guilt and self-loathing—he fights Rayla's attempts to guide him back to life because he doesn't believe he deserves to go back. He's too ashamed to want to go back. The way Rayla brings him back is twofold:

She reminds him of his promise to Ethari—his promise to return. She made no promise to return to Callum when she left. She probably wanted to, but she believed that the sacrifices that might be demanded of her would be more important. It would at least be out of the question to return before finding Viren, but in the end that's what she does—she returns to Callum, even though she must do it defeated, ashamed, and alone.

She also tells him that she needs him. She needs her father. She's weaker with him not there for her. When she left Callum, she genuinely believed that things would be better that way. He'd be better off safely away from whatever danger her search brought her, and making sacrifices for the people she loves—taking on difficulty and danger alone, so they don't have to—has always been her duty. She's spent three seasons re-learning the strength she has with Callum, now it's time for her to do the same with Runaan.

Rayla is very different now than she was the last time they met, and Runaan—like Callum—is going to finally see the truth of her: that she was never meant to be an assassin, but not because of failure or weakness. She was always meant to be a hero.

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | July 15th-21st 2024

I have a week off of work, woohoo! This week I mostly read all of my favourite WIPs that updated multiple times, thank you all for keeping me well fed 😎

Complete

is there some place where we can go right now? (i don't think that it can wait) by sibylsleaves/ @sibylsleaves (Established Buddie, Bar Sex, PWP | 2K | Explicit): Buck, Eddie, and the inside of a bar bathroom

you call me pretty little thing by sibylsleaves/ @sibylsleaves (Established Buddie, Panty Kink, PWP | Explicit): “Buck,” Eddie breathes after a moment. “Are you wearing—?” Buck nips at Eddie’s slack mouth and says coyly, “Why don’t you see for yourself?” Eddie, it seems, doesn’t need to be told twice. He shoves Buck off his lap, tearing his sweatpants down his hips to reveal the tiny, pink lace panties Buck has on beneath them.

looking for something dumb to do by sibylsleaves/ @sibylsleaves (Buddie Wedding, PWP | 4K | Explicit): It’s also not unusual that the app bay is almost empty when they walk inside, save for one engine parked along the side. What is unusual is the rows of white folding chairs facing the back wall. And the archway adorned with greenery and pale pink blossoms set up beneath the loft. And all of their friends milling about the app bay, dressed up like… Like they’re attending a wedding.

Hell or High Water by glorious_spoon/ @glorious-spoon (4x04: What's Your Grievance, PWP, First Time | 5K | Explicit): That’s Buck’s cue to put a stop to this before it crosses a line they can’t come back from. Before he says something or does something that means Eddie will never touch him or smile at him or let him into his home again. Buck breaks things; that’s what he does. And he’s tried so hard not to break this.

🔥 my man says he loves me (never says he loves me not) by colonoscopys/ @colonoscopys (Post-S7, Identity Porn | 9K | General): It’s the summer after Eddie blows his life up that he realizes he kinda wants to do it again.  He’s looking at the TV, watching some shitty, fuzzy screen show that Buck favored on his last shift, and letting sleep kinda wash in and wash out. There’s an ad after a while. “Are you struggling with being in love with your best friend too?” The man asks. “You should sign up for inlovewithmybestfriendandgoingtodie.com. A support group dedicated to people in love with their best friend, inlovewithmybestfriendandgoingtodie.com is a great way to learn how to cope and survive when you’re in love with someone you’ll never have!” Eddie gapes at the screen. 

WIP

🔥 Held Up a Lightning Rod (Wonder Why I'm Struck) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Not A Firefighter Eddie, Sugar Baby Buck | 17/22 | 88K | Explicit): When Eddie Diaz stumbles his way into money, he finds himself one of the most eligible bachelors in Los Angeles - to his dismay. He needs a way to get people off his back without confessing his messy marital situation, and Shannon's still not answering his calls, so he caves to a friend's suggestion: hire someone to pretend to be his partner. Enter Evan "Buck" Buckley: sugar baby, fire fighter, and the man about to turn Eddie's world upside down.

🔥 Long Death by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Post-S7, Vampire AU | 8/12 | 33K | Explicit): In the summer of 2024, a never before seen form of vampirism breaks out in Los Angeles. Just as Eddie is about to get his son back. Six months later, Buck's life is permanently changed.

drift past the flowers. by dylaesthetics (Post-S6, (Un)requited Love | 6/12 | 18K | Teen): OR Buck and Natalia get engaged, and Eddie flees the state about it. A petty email correspondence ensues.

🔥loves a game, wanna play? by 42hrb/ @exhuastedpigeon (Post-S7, Love Island AU | 6/13 | 26K | Mature): In the aftermath of Chris leaving for the summer, Buck convinces Eddie they should apply for Love Island together.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, Divergent Post-S6 | 131/? | 413K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

🔥 If You Can Make the Music by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, | 4/5 | 11K | Mature): Spin-off Sequel to Evan Buckley & the Coma-Verse of Madness - Chapter 5 (Seaside): A year after a whirlwind two week love affair with bartender Buck in Galveston, Texas, Eddie Diaz finds himself coincidentally relocating to the area. But when he attempts to reconnect with Buck, he's in for an unfortunate surprise. (Part 3 of Coma-Verse)

[daffodilsonaprettystring]

I had a three day weekend and what did I spend two out of those three days doing?

Reading THIS masterpiece https://archiveofourown.org/works/46775788/chapters/117813115

I CANNOT recommend this fic enough, it’s literally an entire rewrite of 9-1-1 seasons 1-6 (it is currently unfinished but STILL WORTH READING) but told from a specifically romantic Buddie POV, and it is PERFECTION. I was literally texting my sister before Buck and Eddie had even MET canonically to tell her she needed to read it, that’s how amazing it is.

Buck is a Swiftie, the author’s characterizations of him and Eddie and Chris are ON POINT, the way Buck and his struggles with himself and his parents are handled is so well written, and the SLOW BURN IS SO WORTH IT!!

But the best thing about it to me is the fact that it literally changes nothing from canon up until past s6. It’s simply TAKEN canon, and written it through the lens of both Buck and Eddie’s internal dialogue realizing that “hey, maybe these interactions and this relationship has ALWAYS been about us falling in love, even if it was never explicitly said.” And the way this author writes Eddie and Buck realizing that they really, really love eachother that way? 100/10 stars, zero notes, Eddie admitting to himself he’s in love with Buck WAY before he’s able to admit he’s gay is something that would so happen in canon, Buck pining like a kicked puppy would also be canon, and not gonna lie, the WAY they finally get together? Nothing they do in the show now will EVER top that for me, it was so well written.

TLDR; I CANNOT recommend this Buddie fic enough, “Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briars” if you need a seriously amazing 9-1-1 fic while we’re waiting for s8 I sincerely recommend checking it out it’s INCREDIBLE.

[violettathepiratequeen]

Here's the thing about S7 Giles.

The Scoobies had their ups and downs for five whole seasons, but through their fights and mistakes and bad decisions, they were still always there for each other, always came back around, always stayed close.

And then Buffy died. Giles left. Spike and Dawn only had each other to lean on in their grief. Willow brought Anya and Tara and Xander in on an incredibly dark spell.

Buffy may have returned, and for a couple episodes there all eight of them were back together, but the dynamic of the group was shattered, and everyone's soul (or lack thereof, in some cases) was wounded.

Giles left again, and the rest of the group proceeded to have the ugliest, darkest, most broken spiral of events for almost an entire year. By the end of it, those who weren't dead were changed forever, but had come out much more healed than they were at the start of the season.

Giles didn't have that. He didn't have the broken spiral in S6, other than showing up for two episodes at the end, and he didn't come out any better on the other side. We know nothing of what he was doing in England after he sent Willow home other than gathering info on the First and rescuing Potentials, so he was pretty much running ragged on his own trying to stop a threat before he came back to Buffy for help and found that everyone had grown up without him.

S7 WAS his dark S6 arc, of bad choices and isolating his friends and struggling to know what the right thing to do was. But I still love him, because I know he tried, because I know he cared, and because there's never been any doubt in my mind that after S7 he was stronger and better and saw more clearly, just like everyone else at the end of S6.

(If only because of Spike's sacrifice and the way Buffy was proven undoubtedly to be correct about everything)

[anxresi]

So, it turns out Chloe IS going to return for S6... this hot off the press from her voice actor... (actually from back in Jan, but who's counting?)

...So why, my dears, couldn't I give a damn?

Probably because, as arguably the writers had no idea what to do with her in S4 and S5 other than strip her of all personality, agency & likability, what's the point in her still remaining?

*She's not going to be a hero again, Manbaby Astruc has made this PERFECTLY clear thankyouverymuch. IMHO, she's far more useful as a tool for him to take out his warped misogynist humiliations on, apparently. Why he doesn't just buy himself a blonde mannequin, call it 'Chloe' then beat it with a wooden stick whilst shouting various profanities within the privacy of his own bedroom, IDK. Maybe it's good therapy for him to expose his weird hang-ups in front of a mass audience? Hey, if it works for him... good for you, buddy! I just wish the rest of us didn't have to suffer to aid his treatment.

*As a villain, Chloe's threat level is arguably less than 0%. She is now written to be dumb as a post, no-one trusts or likes her and everything she says and does seems more cartoonishly infantile with every tortuous appearance since S3. The ONLY time she posed any vague threat is during her massively overhyped team-up with Lila where basically she was little more than a pawn to the Mary Sue Of All Lying B*tches... and those two episodes where she took over Paris as Mayor with a bunch of robots were undebately the most stupid ones of S5. Which if you've seen the competition, you KNOW that's some achievement.

*My prediction is: They're gonna rehash the same tiresome schik we saw before she got on that plane at the end of S5... perhaps they'll give us a one episode Hope Spot upon her unexpected arrival back where it looks like she's changed after attending a 'tough school' in New York/London but OH MY WORD WHAT A SURPRISE it turns out to all have been a ruse to become Queen Bee again. YAWN. She'll move straight back into her old room... Andre and Audrey will reconnect... and it'll be like nothing ever happened. In case you hadn't noticed, this show handles plot continuity or character development about as well as Marinette keeps her distance from her crushes.

*'But where does that leave Zoe?' You might ask, to which I can only respond with a succinct 'If you had the Hubble Space Telescope on full power, you still wouldn't be able to locate how little I care about that particular subject.' Maybe she'll carry on as Vesperia. Maybe she'll get a girlfriend. Maybe she'll do something halfway interesting, and give the viewership a heart attack out of sheer shock value alone. It doesn't matter to me one jot... less because I curse the ground this insipid plot device masquerading as a serious character walks on, but simply because I have no faith in the utterly abysmal writing this show has displayed for years and years now. Chloe could take over the lead role in a SHOCKING twist, they could change the name to Miraculous Queen and I STlLL wouldn't give it a second glance. The fish rots from the head-up, guys.

(Okay, so that's a bit of a lie. I would probably sneak a peek at ONE episode out of sheer curiosity, but you and I both know with HIM in charge the standard won't improve one iota. Plus, it isn't gonna happen anyway... so why am I tying myself in knots speculating about an impossible scenario?)

Anyway, I've nattered on for too long. I'll just leave you by answering Selah's somewhat disingenuous last question there about 'your favorite Chloe line of season 5'.

This implies we were watching 'Chloe'. As far as I was concerned, we weren't. Not the Chloe I fangirled for in the very beginning and got me involved in the show in the first place because I could relate so much. Not the Chloe who got so many other fans emotionally invested in her personal and familial struggles, before her character was comprehensively trashed by a ruinous creator with a grudge.

So in answer to your question Ms Victor, none. Because it simply wasn't Chloe.

[beatrice1979a]

Shadyverse Re-verse fic list

Miraculous World Paris dark themed fanfics

Original post here: Compliance

Decided to create a separate post for this list. These are re-verse fics dealing with angst, bullying, abuse, war, death and co-dependency; themes that were (surprisingly) introduced in the Paris special.

**trigger warning** read at your own discretion. If I missed one let me know.

==== will be updating this list casually ====

Complete:

@xiueryn You can call me villain Complete multichapter re-verse Shadyverse fic about parent abuse, bullying, death, crime and two young teenagers navigating it all. Just read it. Thank me later.

@tanzle 's Caring Fleabag don't let the cute title fool you. this is gritty, action packed and heavily emotional. Multichapter and complete.

@dreamer-from-yuggoth @artemonh has many ficlets You know my name (Shady and Claw post-special realize their new purpose), I would let you win (The supreme bloody games) Blood on his hands (Claw's haunting memories), Shadybug tattoo (this is actually a sweet romantic one. Love it <3)

@toxinellebug Extensive and detailed Alt world ruled by the Supreme. Too many fav posts to count. It's like a re-verse AU encyclopedia. I think this is complete but you never know... an update might be around the corner. Update: Yeah! New posts

Frisky69's To a World of Absolution was the first fic i read that explores the final moments of Shadybug and Clawnoir. *awestruck*

AelitaYoru's La Chute du Double Maléfique I'm still obsessed with the veins/disease effect of the miraculous. They better refer to it in S6

@aanabear2803 surprised me with this tiny ficlet You don't belong here Lila got what she deserved from the evil pair *trigger warning*

Ongoing:

@revolutionary-thoy 's ML Paris Reverse AU * Felix/Kagami/Luka vs the Supreme release ** project in hiatus for now** Still love it.

The Project Reverse AU X. <-love this! Where u can see feat. the big/evil sword. That is the one Shady is handling on the fanart above.

This has grown into EPIC levels. Fav of mine: @justmywritingstuff Speechless Changes AO3 Full of emotions. I think there's only 1/2 chapter left to turn to a complete fic. ALMOST there ... can't wait.

@monpetitchattriste Dying on the Inside It opens with a very steamy toxic relationship between pre-special Claw and Shady. Touches on their personal struggles and how they are using each other to escape reality. Can't wait to see where we are heading with this one.

Purple_doom's Dead set against (ongoing) might be abandoned but the three chapters are worth a read. Post special. Reformed Shady and Claw try to survive without being discovered by The Supreme!!

I hope there are more... I am fascinated by the gritty side of this re-verse world.

[thecrownnetflixuk]

Fond Farewells Mark the End of an Era for The Crown.

Pt 2 of Season 6 Accedes to the Next Generation – But Reigns Most Triumphant Saluting Its Sovereign.

Review & gifs by L.L @The Crown TV

I wasn't sure what to expect from the final 6 preview episodes of The Crown. Part 1 gifted us with a season-defining performance from Elizabeth Debicki, but such intense focus on the tragedy of Diana and Dodi's deaths was heavy-going. How to move forward?

Not many TV shows stick the landing, but I believe The Crown does, mostly by putting Queen Elizabeth front and centre. In four different ways! But Part 2 takes a while to forge ahead and reign triumphant.

Ed McVey and Meg Bellamy make shy William and swotty Kate believable as a young couple who meet at university – or earlier, as per a flashback with (not Ghost!) Diana. I still found it hard to invest in their will-they-won't-they relationship (we already know they do.) 

Instead, it’s sisters Elizabeth and Margaret who have long been the emotional heart of this show; at every stage of their lives.

Former Oscar-nominee Lesley Manville (alongside Queen Imelda Staunton) is truly magnificent in Ep 8 as Princess Margaret, though it's painful watching this vibrant lady struggle as her health worsens.

Memories of the 1940's are a delight. However, I wish we'd seen more of wide-eyed teen Lilibet let loose (Viola Prettejohn) and carefree Marg (Beau Gadsdon) before older Margaret says her final goodbye.

Staunton saves her best for last, bringing dry humour, vulnerability as well as leadership to Ep 10. The 70+ min epic finale 'Sleep, Dearie Sleep' has its shaky moments, but beautifully completes Queen Elizabeth's story when it counts, bringing near-perfect closure. That alone elevates Season 6 beyond Season 5.

Warning - MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD. This is my final *EVER* review (might be extra long!)

S6 is NOW ON NETFLIX - WATCH THE EPISODES before reading.

Images: courtesy of Netflix

Starting with less good news; the first couple of episodes of Part 2 were my least favourite. Ep 5, 'Willsmania', feels transitional, and a little stuck in the past. Following his mother's death, Prince William (Ed McVey; taking over from younger actor Rufus Kampa) turns inward as he struggles to cope with public attention and grief.

It's an understandable reaction to losing a parent, but Part 1 already spent nearly half a season on Dodi and Diana. It felt like we grieved in real time. As a result, whenever the subject of Diana crops up again in Part 2, it tends to weigh down both pace and narrative.

Ep 6 brings a welcome change of topic. This being The Crown, I'm sure there are critics poised to be offended by Queen Elizabeth's nightmare about Prime Minister Tony Blair being crowned king, but to me, his 'coronation' was hilarious, as was the choir boy singing Blair's cheesy Labour pop anthem.

It felt like deliberate tongue-in-cheek humour, an absurd reminder why monarchy might still be better than populist elected leaders.

I really wanted this episode to work, but it didn't go anywhere, and themes like tradition-vs-modernity were covered more effectively in episodes such as 'Marionettes.' Bertie Carvel has Tony Blair's voice down but suffers from comparisons with Michael Sheen, who was uncanny as the Prime Minister in 3 earlier Peter Morgan projects.

^ PM Tony Blair. The Women's Institute weren't fans of his grandstanding.

The Crown: The Next Generation fully arrives during Ep's 7, 9 & 10. Some will love it. Those who prefer more historical episodes with broader scope may be disappointed, as the show follows William and Kate through University life in the early 2000's.

The newcomers do bring fresh energy to the show. It helps that they cast Ed McVey and Meg Bellamy, who make a sweet couple as Will and Kate, even if William sometimes comes across as petulant.

Unlike Ed McVey as William, Luther Ford doesn't bear much physical resemblance to Prince Harry, other than red hair. Ford does however put in a good performance as Harry becomes increasingly reckless.

The Crown doesn't hide either Harry or William's bad behaviour. The brothers seem to get on well at the start, but it later seems like they're more at odds. Underneath a lot – a LOT – of boozing, both boys appear quietly screwed-up over their mother's death. Neither of them seem to enjoy playing happy families with Charles, either.

The show mostly concentrates on William and Kate, but there aren't many episodes left to develop a genuine romance. They have potential, but it feels fairly surface level. Suddenly, they rush to move into a house share together when we've barely seen them kiss. They (and we) needed more screen time to really get to know each other.

There's a bigger issue here with Kate's mother, Carole Middleton (Eve Best.) Pushy parent Carole is keen to play matchmaker between her 'commoner' daughter and the young eligible Prince, keeping tabs on William. Carole isn't as conniving, but ... didn't we just watch a similar storyline with Mohamed Al-Fayed/Dodi/Diana in Part 1?

^ Kate 'n' Will. Her Mum would frame this picture.

Ep 8 'Ritz' plays like a standalone film. Margaret's final story is touching, but upsetting, at times; I was a fan of Diana, yet sobbed as much for Margaret as the credits rolled, even though her eventual death isn't shown. In fact, her final goodbye is sensitively done and stands as a fitting tribute to the princess, as well as to the Queen.

Lesley Manville makes Margaret's predicament so real as her health slowly breaks down. She bounces back from one stroke, then another hits. How awful too for Elizabeth to watch a much-loved sister deteriorate, though it was wonderful to see Lilibet read Margaret a bedtime story. It brought out the warmer side of Staunton's Queen.

The scene where Margaret scalds her feet in the bath is genuinely horrifying. I've suffered from ill health and loss of control myself and this was so much worse. I could feel her pain. That poor woman.

Human moments are where The Crown excels; through this episode, this working-class lass from a council house could somehow relate to a Princess in a palace. Peter Morgan has surely done more to humanise the royal family than any P.R team ever could.

^ Fans of Margaret (and Lesley Manville) prepare yourselves for her sad final journey.

Onto the big reveal: when I mentioned at the start there are FOUR ways Queen Elizabeth appears – this is what I meant:-

^ Newcomer Viola Prettejohn plays teenage Princess Elizabeth.

^ & there's Olivia Colman & Claire Foy alongside older Queen Imelda Staunton.

Satisfyingly, all 3 of The Crown's leading ladies return to close the show. Olivia Colman and Claire Foy each have an additional scene, too (I won't spoil the entire finale, as it covers a lot of ground in over 70 mins, but Olivia and Claire aren't back as 'ghosts.')

As we get older, the ghosts who speak loudest are our own; the former versions of us we berate ourselves with. Not everyone may warm to the Queen (sort of) talking to herself, but personally, I was thrilled to see these talented actors on screen together.

Foy's scene with Staunton is particularly effective, as the younger Queen gives her older self an old-fashioned dutiful talking to. It's somehow also credible that they're aspects of the same person.

It reminded me of Peter Morgan’s 2013 (extraordinary) play, ‘The Audience', which inspired this series, and included scenes where Helen Mirren shared the stage with young Elizabeth. That play is also why this theatre-fan started watching The Crown to begin with, and later went on to create this website.

When Ep 10 finished playing, my Netflix returned itself to Season 1. 60 episodes over 7 years! I will miss the grand scale of The Crown, but appreciate the legacy which remains. Now feels like the right time for this story to end. A full-circle moment in more ways than one.

**Majestic thanks for reading, and to every person who has liked, reblogged, messaged, supported The Crown TV for all these years.

💎♕You each deserve a Crown of your own!♕💎**

N.B: These are my humble opinions at this point in time. No offence is intended. Agreement = lovely; not compulsory. Disagreement = happens; kindly coexist. Ta!

[raayllum]

I just finished Book 5, and do you think that Ezra’s arc will have him learn that words aren’t enough? Some fans do think that he’s the least emphasized of the Dragang

I don't think Ezran is going to learn that words aren't enough (they have been, often times in his life, and trying non violent routes are important) but I do think he's going to be presented with more and more situations where it is, as he acknowledges, "Not that simple" (4x03).

In Arc 1, you had the transformative trio of characters (Callum, Rayla, Soren) who were rapidly changing as people versus the more "circumstances change and drag out certain personality traits either more or less" stagnated trio (Ezran, Viren, Claudia). In Arc 2 thus far, it seems that Soren, Claudia, and Ezran are the 'stagnant' ones and Viren, Callum, and Rayla are the transformative ones. That being said, I do think S5 focused on Ezran as much as S4 focused on Rayla, so it's not surprising there's a bit of a trade off (especially with Janai very much being a Main Character in arc 2) with Callum (always our main Main protagonist) getting a decent amount every season. There's definitely a lack of Ezran in the first four episodes (he gets about one scene a-piece) but I do think it's over quality > quantity, in some ways. (Bow from She-Ra for example is in every single episode of that series, but gets very little by way of arcs or conflict or interiority, y'know?)

That said:

I talked about this a bit more in a podcast review I did for the season / this meta, but I think Soren and Ezran are having slowburn arcs that will come to fruition in S6. Soren, after all, hasn't really changed as a character since the end of S3 - he's on team good guy, he's reaffirming his choices and love for his friends, he still cares for Claudia and still views his father as a cruel villain (which, Viren is/can be).

Ezran, likewise, is dealing with his own well, slowburn of problems. In a lot of ways, Ezran has to hold it together when everyone else is falling apart (Rayla is MIA, Callum is a mess; staying level headed even when they're arguing; being the main negotiator seemingly between the Pentarchy and the dragons of Xadia; and ruling is own kingdom). He takes his duties seriously and wants to broker peace further, if maybe a tad faster than people are ready for. Like Janai says, I think, his priorities have changed since becoming king. His duty first and foremost is to his kingdom/the world. (Not that it wasn't his mindset before, but it wasn't his responsibility before pre-series, y'know?) Which is very Rayla of him, I think ("I let them all down" in 3x04 / "I just feel like I'm letting everybody down" for Ez in 3x03).

And we see how much this weighs on Ezran based on how heavily he takes responsibility for his perceived and or literal mistakes. Whether it's speeding things up too fast / not giving enough room for his people's, or his own anger...

E: I had a speech planned for today. It was about peace and love and hope. But I think I left something out. I ignored something that was true. I denied something that is undeniable.

or in doing the right thing in saving the Baitlings, but putting his friends in danger.

And Soren acknowledges that this isn't really fair for Ezran, either:

Soren: This is all too heavy. It's not fair you have to struggle through this alone. You deserve time to do kid stuff. If you spend all your time doing adult stuff now, you'll grow up weird, like your brother and Rayla.

Now, on the certain level, Ezran is alone because he's like - he's the King, and that's its own unique position. However, if you look at how close Viren and Harrow, and Harrow and Sarai were, in their decision making, they did everything together. In spite of being a single dad, Harrow was never alone in what he did as king (for better or for worse): "I accept that tonight I may pay the price for our mistakes."

So I think it's interesting this emphasis on loneliness/alone in the same season we have Amaya and Rayla's conversation about it too:

A: My big sister Sarai was the smartest, strongest, bravest person I knew. When she died, I felt lost and weak without her.

I hated feeling that way, so I learned to be strong alone. Stoic, strong, and lonely. [...] To have that kind of strength, it is not enough to love someone. You have to trust them to share the burdens you're carrying.

So who does Ezran depend on to carry that burden with him? Because Ezran isn't supposed to be alone as king, and Harrow spelled it out for us:

When I am gone your brother Ezran will become king, and you will be his partner, his defender, and his closest advisor.

So the question is... has Callum really fulfilled his role for his brother? Callum isn't crownguard, so actually protecting Ezran is primarily in Soren and Corvus' hands, exemplified by Soren being the one to get angry over the ruined painting in 4x03, to run to Ezran in 4x09, and for Callum to be absent from the Dragon mission in S5. And when Callum is there to have a duty to fulfil:

Then we see the brothers - not Ezran and Rayla - disagree on how to proceed forward with Aaravos, getting momentarily a little heated before they both turn to Rayla (and remember those Rayla parallels I mentioned earlier?):

Now, it's not surprising that Ezran wants to take the diplomatic / least violent route. He's the one primarily appealing to Akiyu rather than barrelling onwards, and expresses great concern for her (even after she tried to kill them). Claudia thinks she can appeal to him in 5x09 because of his empathy. A more compassionate, reasonable route is what he's always done, trying to reason evenly with Finnegrin and with Rex Igneous, even if it doesn't precisely work out... simply because they, like his brother, don't exactly Value the same things Ezran does.

Alright, so the broyals disagreed once, and Callum is a little flighty as a High Mage. So what? Well: Callum now knows, and has already committed himself, to helping Rayla free her parents from the coins, including Runaan.

And Ezran's short story going into S5 hints that this may not exactly be something he's happy about:

Ezran gripped the arrow tight. The thing in his hands was a terrible letter, the ribbon its message: the king of Katolis was dead. King Harrow. His father. Something cold lurched inside him. He fought against it. He’d fought it before, that same hurt, years ago—when he’d found out what really happened that night in Katolis. Still, it haunted him. He couldn’t help but imagine the scene, all of it playing out like grim theater before him, as though he’d been there, as though he’d stood by and watched it happen. That Moonshadow elf upon the castle ramparts, skulking toward his father’s chambers. 

It stared up at him. Ezran felt a coldness twist its way around his heart. It took his lungs, too, and for a long moment he could not breathe, could not feel anything but an unfamiliar anger so potent it seized the whole of him, inside and out. Ezran stepped towards the arrow— —and stomped down on it as hard as he could. He wished he were bigger, stronger, he wished his boots were made of iron and not something soft. Still, it was enough. When he pulled his foot away, Ezran glared down at the arrow’s hawkish head, flattened and broken. Its ruby eye slipped from its socket, its black metal bent like frayed feathers. He left it there in the dark.

Full short story here.

So Ezran is going to find out, or possibly feel, that Callum and Rayla are keeping a secret from him (again, just like S2, which didn't make him happy then, either). Callum is going to side with Rayla over him if he mandates that Runaan shouldn't or can't be freed, giving into his anger and grief much the same way his father did. He may pull rank - and Callum is going to disregard it. A very similar fallout repeating itself...

Ezran being increasingly isolated (especially if Callum and Rayla are working, or leaving, to find the Starscraper), his disapproval and grief, trying to manage the possible fallout of Zubeia being injured/MIA, feeling undervalued and disregarded by his brother... There's little doubt in my mind that Callum and Ezran (and Rayla) will reconcile and find their way back to one another, healing their hurts, but Ezran has a lot of potential anger and angst to express and a lot on his upcoming plate, steadily added to and set up by the previous seasons.

Which in a lot of ways, makes sense. Ezran as king and Callum as high mage, and as brothers, have to prove they won't fall apart the same way that King Harrow and Viren did, more necessary than ever now that Callum has done dark magic again. Ezran was there to pick up the pieces after Rayla left, but he may still have anger over that and their joint secret keeping from him / feeling like they're treating him 'unfairly' like a child. We've also never really seen Ezran have this type of conflict before, nevermind for the trio as a whole (most of the time it's been Callum and Rayla disagreeing, a couple brief instances of Ez and Rayla, and Callum and Ez a few times in S1 / 5x05) so for Ezran to be what starts falling apart would really rattle all three of him, and seems to be where he's headed, character wise.

And I for one cannot wait to see it.

TLDR; Ezran's slow burn arc, much like Soren's, is being steadily set up and is going to likely be a big focus in the next two seasons, pushing him and other characters in brand new directions and with some really emotional, powerful storytelling to upstage our previously held status quo in all the ways.

[mickeym4ndy]

Tee, your tags on the Yev post are so correct! I absolutely think Mickey would have had a bigger storyline with Yev (and Svetlana) if he'd been in s6, alongside him and Ian being awkward exes who get back together eventually. I wanna do something with that in the s6 au I'm planning to write at some point, because it's so important for Mickey to be able to make a concerted effort to be a better man and dad than his own father was. And we know he's so much better than Terry, but Mickey ofc is so afraid of becoming his dad. And loving Yev and being there for him as a father is a way for him to heal from that generational trauma and not let himself be that person <3

Yes exactly!! I really think that this scene:

Was setting up a storyline for the next season where Mickey builds a relationship with Yevgeny. Like to me, this looks like as much as he is struggling, he does love his son (and this is the first time he’s realizing that).

I made a post about this before and @atthedugouts mentioned in the tags that so much of Shameless is about whether a child will repeat the sins of their parents or make different choices and break the cycle, and there was sooooo much to explore about that with Mickey & Yevgeny.

Which would’ve been such an interesting storyline. Not that Mickey would ever be as bad as Terry, but I think it’s something he’d struggle with within himself. I could actually talk about Mickey in season 6 & 7 for hours lol, I have soooo many ideas. And Mickey & Yevgeny is my favourite unexplored storyline.

I’ve said before I think it would’ve ultimately changed Gallavich’s dynamic a bit, not at the beginning, but eventually (things change when you become a parent, your kid needs to come before your partner sometimes, and Mickey for the last few years had put Ian first for everything) and that’s something I think they’d need to work out while they’re in the midst of the re getting to know each other/ getting back together stage.

But even outside of his relationship w Ian, in general it would have been so fascinating to see how Mickey grapples with trying not to be like his dad while loving Yevgeny but also struggling with how he was conceived and how traumatizing it was for him.

I think maybe he’d overcompensate a bit - be soo hard on himself if Yev ever simply fell over and hurt himself a bit while Mickey was watching him. Or if Mickey was ever struggling not to lose it while Yev’s crying (because it would be so overstimulating for him). Even though it wouldn’t be his fault I think he’d still struggle and blame himself and fall back into the “oh god I can’t do this I’m just like my dad” sometimes.

And he’d then try so hard to be better and be there as much as he can almost to a fault. And you’re so right it would’ve been such an opportunity for him to heal and to break the cycle. I think it also would’ve put his own childhood into perspective - he wants to protect Yev from anyone that would hurt him, so it’s so jarring for him to realize how much he was hurt and allowed to be hurt when he was a kid.

I’m also in general not a huge fan of the throuple storyline. So I would’ve LOVED to have seen Mickey & Svet be a coparenting/accidental bestie duo throughout the season (it wouldn’t have been like that straight away but eventually) and all the hijinks they could get up to - scams, funny stuff with Yevgeny, maybe going out to find real jobs together, if Mandy called Mickey about the dead guy and he brought Svetlana along (I need post murder sibling bonding pls). Just in general being a little unconventional family, because we know family is super important to Svet.

Also at this point most of Mickey’s family is gone and Ian’s broken up with him. Svet & Yev would be all he has left. It makes sense that he’d end up relying on & cling to them. (This is another reason why I think Gallavich would be different when getting back together after being apart for the better part of a year, both of their priorities would have shifted a bit).

Sorry this got so long, this is just one of my favorite topics I could genuinely talk about it for hours😂 I can’t wait to read your season 6 au fic!! Already know it’ll be so good!

[sibylsleaves]

knowingly-bi buck anon again — thanks for answering! Your pre-S7 headcanon is basically what I was imaging too, except maybe a bit more self-aware. Like he definitely strikes me as someone who would try anything. I feel like that still makes sense even with canon-bi buck. That is a man who has had threesomes, and not just FFM. Making out with a guy while fucking his girlfriend still feels straight! It’s fine! I think I just kinda like buck being like ‘yeah I’m straight, but I’m also up for anything with anyone coz sex is fun.’ So maybe it’s less knowingly-bi but more like he’s straight-plus, permanently stuck in the ally-to-bi pipeline without coming out the other side coz he’s only ever really had Big Romantic feelings for women, so he can’t be actually bi. Plus I feel like buck struggles to separate his romantic feelings from his sexual ones, so he doesn’t recognise that he can be in love with someone (Eddie 👀) without their relationship having a sexual component (as if his jealousy and frustration isn’t inherently sexual in nature when it comes to Eddie but you know what I mean)

STRAIGHT PLUS LOL.

i mean in general i do not think buck has good self-awareness, even at this stage in his character arc. as evidenced by the gifset i just conjured in into the world by way of @thatbuddie (ty maria!!!!) he is constantly looking to everyone around him for answers and reassurance and advice and to tell him what he should want and do and feel and be.

and he is clearly someone who gets infatuated with people easily, and who can mistake that infatuation for something else (with women--love. with men--friendship and/or intense rivalry) so he relies on everyone around him to gauge what he's actually feeling. which is why so many of his relationships are someone making a move and buck then reciprocating. because at that point it's like, oh, ok so i guess it's like that! these are romantic feelings! even with taylor telling him she loves him, she says it first and then he reciprocates because she's giving him that cue and he's like. ok yeah i guess we're in love.

and this is not to say that he didn't love her, or that they weren't romantic feelings, but if no one tells him that's what's going on then i think he genuinely doesn't know how to parse them. i think he is just floating around with all these feelings all the time and waiting for someone--Bobby or Maddie or Eddie or whoever his love interest is--to tell him what they are and what they mean. which no one can do but him. but he STILL doesn't know how to do it. (which is also why s6 was so frustrating, honestly. they set him up to resolve this at long last and then DIDN'T!!!)

so when it comes to his feelings for eddie all the external feedback he's getting is that they are best friends and that it is NOT romantic. so that is what he will continue to believe until something in him actually changes.

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Buddie Meta - Sharing Hearts & Breathing Easy

We talk a lot about the heart symbolism with buddie specifically eddie but we don’t talk enough about the breathing/lung symbolism associated with buck.

S5 gave us a ton of loud heart stuff for eddie from the transplant case to the post-panic attack cardiologist visit to buck giving eddie his heart drawing. All matters of the heart. Changes of heart, fear of a broken heart, sharing one’s heart.

S6 gave us lots of heavy breathing/lung symbolism for buck. We actually got a breathing related callback to s3 in s5. In Mayday buck talked to carson about the s3 clot in his lungs. then in s6 during buck’s coma his lungs failed, he couldn’t breathe, and he was placed on ecmo.

Heart symbolism is pretty straightforward. It tends to be associated with feelings, relationships, and meaningful connections with the self and with others. Breathing and lung symbolism is a little different. It tends to be associated with freedom from something restrictive or constraining. Relief, satisfaction, ease and contentment.

Each captures a key part of eddie and buck’s respective character struggles. Eddie has been learning to “let himself feel it” no matter how hard or scary or confusing, to allow himself to reach out and also accept help along the way, to love himself enough to show his traumas, connect, and heal. Buck has been learning to stop holding his breath, to stop waiting on other people to tell him he’s worthy and start discovering his worth for himself, to let go of the pressure to be what others want, need, or expect and just be himself.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the overlap too between the heart and lung symbolism with buddie. At the start of s5 eddie thought he was having a heart attack but it was really a panic attack. He needed to accept his feelings and free himself from the socially/family imposed narrative of who/how he was supposed to be. And he did. At the end of s5 when he and buck were fixing the dry wall in his room we saw that he’d finally come full circle. In s6 during buck’s hospitalization at the start everyone was worried about his heart but then they realized his lungs were the most damaged from the lightning strike. He couldn’t breathe easy, and his entire coma dream was his fantasy of being someone he’s not and being loved for it then realizing he didn’t really want that. Being loved for everything but who you actually are isn’t a dream it’s a nightmare.

The buddie overlap with the heart and lung symbolism really is wild because back in s5 buck was shocked by eddie’s panic attack (aka eddie’s journey to complete self acceptance…which buck sees more in himself than in eddie). Then in s5 when eddie saw buck’s little pre-K heart drawing he was a little surprised/amused. (It was like “bro i see your amazing heart everyday and trust me it’s more than just cute, it’s complex and beautiful.”) then we got s6 eddie being devastated by buck’s breathing problems; his reaction to the ecmo was something else! It was like eddie couldn’t handle buck not being able to see/be himself and accept himself fully and unapologetically. Eddie sees buck’s worth so clearly and he loves him so much so watching him struggle to be at ease with himself was destroying eddie.

On the one hand we have eddie loving buck’s heart and struggling to understand why buck doesn’t feel he can be at ease with himself. And on the other hand we have buck holding eddie on a pedestal as someone mostly who’s at ease with himself from buck’s perspective but then buck struggling to understand why eddie was having such a hard time showing his heart/emotions.

Eddie has come a long long way with showing his heart and buck has made incremental progress towards being comfortable with himself. It drives me bonkers how intertwined their journeys are though because when it comes to their shared trauma they are both still struggling to show it, share it, and be real in the face of it. The reality is that they BOTH have heart and breathing problems when it comes to (shared) trauma and that’s the next phase in their relationship. The fandom has been discussing this point for ages but it’s cool how the show has wrapped it in heart and breathing/lung symbolism.

[kradogsrats]

Aaravos, Leola, and the Entire History of Human Magic: Revisited

So I last dumped on this topic right after s5 released, and came up with a rough series of conclusions that were largely correct, as far as interpreting what information we had been given so far. Now that s6 has dumped some new delicious and crunchy twists into the mix, let's take another look.

The Unicorn's Gift

Going into s6, we had 2.5 accounts of the gifting of primal magic to humans: the Book One: Moon novelization, Tales of Xadia, and Ripples. In Book One: Moon, and Tales of Xadia, we learn that humans received primal magic from the/a most selfless and compassionate unicorn(s), against the advice of the elves.

Unicorns were always the most selfless of the Xadian beings. There came a time when, filled with pity, they desperately wanted to help the struggling humans. After all, it was not the humans' choice to have been born without magic. But the First Elves were wary. They warned the unicorns that kindness was not always returned with kindness; it would be a mistake to trust the species. After all, if humans were supposed to use magic, they would have been born with it.

— Book One: Moon

One heart took pity on the plight of humanity. A unicorn, unique among her own rare kind, saw the strength and ingenuity of the human spirit where others saw weakness and beastly ignorance. Her name was Leola. While elves warned that if humans were meant to wield magic they would have been born with it, she gifted the wisest humans with secrets: the language of the dragons and the runes that shaped spells.

— Tales of Xadia

What's interesting is how inaccurate both of these stories have turned out to be. We also don't even actually know whose stories these are. By the time of the series events, it's no longer even remembered that humans had primal magic, aside from primal stones. It's a truth forgotten on the human side, and either similarly forgotten or deliberately suppressed in Xadia. Despite the brightest, most constant star in the sky still retaining the name "Leola's Last Wish," neither Callum nor Rayla know who Leola was.

Ripples obliquely acknowledges the vagueness and changing nature of these stories, opening with:

Like all the oldest tales, time has bent its shape and blurred its color. It is a fable whispered on some tongues and shouted on others. While one may say it ends with a sunrise, another will insist it ends at nightfall.

— Ripples

So rather than directly telling the story of humanity's acquisition of primal magic, Ripples deals with the aftermath. We learn that humanity had been, implicitly or explicitly, forbidden primal magic, and in the wake of them receiving it, a star fell.

It happened long ago, when humans had only just learned to hold fire in their hands without burning. They nurtured their precious primal flames secretly—in the dark of night, beneath shadows and shrouds—as cultivating its glow drew the eyes and ire of monsters. Eventually, for the audacity of their fire, they were hunted, and—though they looked to the stars for salvation—the stars, too, looked down upon them with disdain. Humanity had been given something it was never meant to have. And so there came a calamity.

— Ripples

The story told in Ripples turns out to be the most accurate, based on what we have learned from s6. Humans acquired primal magic, and a star was cast from the sky. (A tiny star, if you want extra emotions.) It makes no mention of how humans learned primal magic, only that they did, and—unlike the other stories, where the elves caution against giving magic to humans but take no other action—the are hunted by monsters for it.

Elarion, fading bloom, afraid to wilt and dim and die, she searched the dark for but a spark and caught the dragons’ hungry eye.

— Midnight Star

Hmmmm.

The Order of the Stars

One of the main things, possibly the main thing, we learned from s6 is that we were given a glimpse of the stars as the god-like authorities that have been hinted at in a lot of Aaravos-related side content. It's not a good look. (It never was.)

It tells us succinctly why primal magic was forbidden to humans: in the timeless gaze of the stars, humans acquiring magic dooms the universe.

(Of course, it is the attempt at averting prophesied doom that actually brings it to pass, but that's just standard stuff. For all their omniscience, the stars apparently still lack genre-awareness.)

This "cosmic order" is likely what the stars have built that Aaravos seeks to destroy:

I hope the stars were watching. I hope they saw it: the moment their perfect reflections turned warped and ruined, churned to chaos by the touch of a single human hand.

— Ripples

And when everything they have built lies shattered, I will savor their fall from the sky.

— Patience

Snitches Get Stitches, Even Dragons

The other major curve ball s6 has thrown into the story as we understood it is the involvement of the archdragons, Sol Regem in particular. According to Aaravos, the testimony of a young Sol Regem is the only evidence against Leola.

At the time, Aaravos seems to take this at face value, and argues that anything Leola may have done was out of love for humans and the world, not defiance of the cosmic order. Maybe this is because Sol Regem/Anak Arao is an archdragon of the Sun, the primal source known for the light of truth.

I, however, have to wonder if he was lying. Taking a look at Ripples, again:

It happened long ago, when humans had only just learned to hold fire in their hands without burning. They nurtured their precious primal flames secretly—in the dark of night, beneath shadows and shrouds—as cultivating its glow drew the eyes and ire of monsters. Eventually, for the audacity of their fire, they were hunted, and—though they looked to the stars for salvation—the stars, too, looked down upon them with disdain.

— Ripples

Apparently, the first primal source humans accessed was the Sun. It could just be that Anak Arao was a rules-obsessed hall monitor and... but what if it wasn't Leola who gave humans that secret? We don't even see Leola doing any magic of the kind she's credited with giving humans—no runes, no spells of any specific primal. If someone did teach humans the runes and Draconic words for primal magic, it seems unlikely to have been her.

But as heir to some kind of position of authority, could it have been partially Anak Arao's responsibility to keep his primal source out of human hands? Was it maybe stolen out from under his nose, and he sought to shift the punishment away from himself? (And boy, would it sure be a real uno-reverse to have this story loop all the way back around to a literal theft of fire for humanity.) Or could it have been lost/given to humans by someone he wanted to protect from the same cosmic justice?

Hmmmm.

There have been hints about a larger human/dragon conflict in the past, most notably the Midnight Star poem. In a hiatus-era interview, Aaron Ehasz describes an early version of the setting as being essentially humans/unicorns vs. dragons/elves. The low-key emphasis on humans and dragons in opposition that we get from some of these materials is a) interestingly not mentioned in either of the "unicorns gave primal magic to humans" stories, and b) not actually what we see as the primary conflict in the setting, outside of Sol Regem's personal grudge.

It gets especially weird because, like... there's no reason to think all the other archdragons we're aware of (except Zym) weren't there, too. Sol Regem is cast as a bit older, but not "of an entirely different generation from the other archdragons"-older. So like, you'd think Zubeia would remember, at minimum, that primal magic was forbidden to humans by the cosmic order. Maybe, given the implied departure/loss of interest by the stars, no one cares anymore? Maybe dark magic was considered a much more serious issue, as far as perversions of the natural order are concerned. Or I guess it's possible that there was some special relationship between the stars and the line of the archdragon Sun King, and the other archdragons weren't privy to the machinations going on in the heavens.

Basically, there's been a big new mystery introduced as to the geopolitics of Xadia and the heavens in the distant past, in addition to Aaravos's personal relationships with all the archdragons.

Book and Key

So overall, I don't actually know what to make of this:

But I have a couple wild theories to put forth.

First of all, Aaravos has been referred to as "archmage of all six primal sources," and this is reflected in the pre-s6 promo art series featuring the book and key.

But, interestingly, we also see in s6 that in order to truly commune with the heavens, the Celestial elves have to remove themselves from the influence of the other primal sources, specifically the Sun and Moon.

So, as powerful as they are, I think maybe Startouch elves don't have automatic access to the other primal sources. Maybe not even the magic of the Star primal, as it exists harnessed by rune spells. The book is probably how Aaravos himself built connections to primal magic while in Xadia.

(This would mean that the reason it was at all believable for Leola to give the secrets of primal magic to humans is because Aaravos was exploring those secrets—something it could be that the stars resented?)

Anyway this could also connect up with any number of wild theories about the nature of primal magic or primal elves, though we see a Moonshadow elf among Leola's friends so it seems primal elves are already present at this point. Being me, if Aaravos and Leola's home was actually in what is now Duren, I at least personally want to believe that he was seeding the frontier with magic.

Anyway, as always: some answers, and even more questions. Catch y'all later when the post-release interviews and Q&As inevitably make everything even weirder.