#but i sort of feel like that's missing the point

[nicolewritesthings]

Don't press your luck

Steve Harrington x Hopper!Reader

Summary: After the team wins their basketball game, Hopper!reader and Steve go to a party just as friends. But do you leave that way?

Warnings: a little bit of steamy time

Note: it's been a minute, and then I thought I got locked out of this account but I found my password!! This can be read alone, but also is an installment for my hopper x harrington series because I love that idea so much.

Read another part of that series here: What would Madonna do?

Enjoy :)

Spring 1985

Hawkins High School's gym is filled to the brim during a much anticipated match up this basketball season. The crowd cheers on their Tigers as the clock dwindles down to under a minute left of the fourth quarter.

Steve is having a particularly good game, leading the team in points. Boy, did he need the win. After everything that happened a few months ago with Nancy and another brush with death, he really needed some good energy. Dare he think, to get back a bit of the King Steve glory again.

He weaves down the court, faking out a player, and SWISH. Another basket. The crowd ROARS. Steve looks up at the scoreboard: 35 seconds, they're up by 4. Let's keep it that way.

From the crowd, little miss Hopper watches intently. Quite literally on the edge of her seat. She doesn't normally go to basketball games. Maybe she went to a couple with Nancy her freshman year, but basketball really wasn't her preferred sport. So, when she and Nancy naturally drifted apart and made new friends, she had no one forcing her to these games. That is, until now.

Her newly formed friendship with Steve started last Halloween when she was stuck babysitting a bunch of kids, fighting monsters, and getting beaten up by Hargrove. Trauma really bonds the least likely of friends.

Now the two really couldn't get enough of each other. And that is meant in the most platonic way possible. Well, sort of. The two are both major flirts, so it's not her fault when the banter crosses that line and there's a little too friendly of touching. It would also explain why she was at a basketball game for the first time in two years. Yeah, to support her new friend. But, she can't lie to herself, she really wanted to see him sweaty and aggressive and thankfully - winning.

So, Miss Hopper watched as Steve ran down the court again, bidding his teammate for the ball. It's passed to him and she stands up along with the rest of the crowd. They all watch in anticipation as Steve shoots and - SWISH, sinks it into the basket.

The buzzer sounds and the crowd erupts. Hawkins won! Against their rivals no less! She CHEERS, high-fiving the students around her.

Her eyes are on Steve as he celebrates with his team. She smiles, damn he needed this.

Steve breaks apart from his teammates and looks up to the crowd, easily finding her already staring back at him. He gives her an arrogant shrug, making her roll her eyes so hard, but that smirk doesn't leave either one of their faces. He nods his head toward the locker room, silently communicating to her in the very loud, packed gym.

------------

Hopper waits outside the gym in the parking lot, where some other students are waiting for their friends and most likely - boyfriends. Some of the girls look over at her and eye her "GO STEVE" sign. She know how this looks, but making the sign gave her a really good laugh. With all its glitter and pep. She knew Steve would crack up too.

But here, now faced with presumably other girlfriends, she feels just a slight bit of insecurity. Then Marissa Adams is striding over to her, and Marissa's other friend, Ashley something, follows. Marissa nods over at the closed locker room doors.

"You're Steve's girl now?" Marissa asks casually.

Hopper shake her head, "just friends."

Marissa nods, her hands in her pockets, and shares a look with Ashley. She eyes the sign then looks back at Hopper and says, "no girl's just friends with Steve Harrington."

Marissa's a senior like Steve, and it's safe to assume there's some history there. Hopper thinks back, trying to recall any rumor about the two of them together but comes up short. He's been with a lot of girls, she knew that much. But, she'll have to ask Steve about her later.

"Well, there's a first for everything," she says, smiling.

Marissa smiles, taken back by her casual demeanor. She's cool, Hopper thinks, and not your typical townie. Her parents are rich, like work in the city and vacation in Europe rich.

"My boyfriend's throwing a party after this if you want to come," Marissa says cooly, "bring the MVP with you."

Hopper nods as Marissa and Ashley turn toward the opening doors. A blonde boy, Mark, envelopes Marissa into a hug. Hopper shifts her attention to a certain dark head of hair racing towards her.

Steve smiles, pointing at the sign, "that is the best fucking thing I've ever seen." He quickly pulls her into a hug. She wraps her arms around him, face nuzzled into his chest, taking in the fresh soap smell and clean clothes.

She pulls back and he takes the sign into his hands, continuing to gawk, "is that blue glitter? So cheesy."

"You love it," she smirk, walking in tandem toward his car.

Steve throws his things and the sign into the back. She eyes Marissa and turn back to Steve, "I got invited to Mark's party tonight."

He laughs at this as the two get into his car, "wait, who told you? I was just going to bring it up."

"Marissa Adams. She thinks we're dating," she flips through the radio.

Steve starts the car, "oh yeah? What made her say that."

She points to the sign and settles on some rock song.

He nods his head, "yeah that is a bit deceiving. You know, I had a thing with her back in the day."

"I gathered that," she eyes him, "she said you're not friends with girls."

"What the hell does that even mean," Steve scoffs, "you and I are friends."

She throws her hands up, "that's what I said! There's a first for everything."

Steve sneaks a glance over at her, taking in her features. Her cute nose, big eyes, perfect lips. He always does this, sneaking a look here and there when he thinks she's not paying attention. But he's oblivious to her knowing smirk and her own stolen glances.

He lets the song sit comfortably in the car, lost in his thoughts of her. Marissa is right, he wasn't close friends with girls. But, that was his former self, his previous persona. Now he had Hopper and her witty humor and their study sessions and their movie nights and late drives to pick up the kids. Not to mention they ate lunch together almost every day, save for basketball practice or her english club meetings.

They were friends. His first close girl friend who he hasn't ended up romantically, or physically, involved with in some capacity. Which is a miracle because god, have you seen her?

Her perfect hair and soft skin that he gets to feel sometimes when she's a little too close or they're a little too touchy. Oh, he's in for it come summer. She'll probably lifeguard again and come by his pool in a tiny bikini and-

"Steve!" she practically yells for his attention. His bicep burns at the touch of her hand enclosed around his arm.

He scoffs, "sorry, what?"

"Let's park at yours and walk. I'll call my dad and tell him I'm crashing at your place again," she shrugs, retracting her hand from his arm.

He breathes out, "good idea. We can sneak some of my dad's booze."

"Fuck yes," she practically moans. Steve sucks in a breath. She continues, "your dad has excellent taste in tequila."

-------

After a night of dancing and drinking and an abundance of school spirit, Steve and Little Miss Hopper make their way up the Harrington's driveway.

"Really? Rob Lowe over Han Solo?" Steve whispers as he unlocks the door. Their game of who'd you rather has gotten very heated.

She follows him inside, slipping off her shoes, "have you seen him in the Outsiders?!"

Steve shushes her, "but does he fight intergalactic space battles?"

“Now you’re suddenly a star wars fan?” she asks in disbelief, “you fell asleep last time we watched.”

“Whatever, I still think he’s a cool dude,” he shrugs.

They head upstairs and into his bedroom. Steve flicks the light on and she immediately beelines for the bed, plopping down onto it.

"But Rob Lowe's eyes are to die for," she doubles down.

Steve fumbles around his drawers, pulling out extra clothes for her to sleep in. He sets them on the bed and sits down beside her. She sits up on her elbows.

Steve shakes his head, "they have the same eyes, don't they?"

She shrugs, "I prefer brunettes anyways."

"You do?" he smirks.

She rolls her eyes and smacks his arm, "get your mind out of the gutter, Harrington."

"Oh, I could go way deeper into the gutter if I wanted to, Hopper," he laughs, looking down at her.

She sits up now, giggling, "deeper, yeah?"

Now he rolls his eyes, and can't help but join her in laughing at their mutually childish sense of humor.

See, friends can laugh like this together, he thinks. He also thinks about how she's staying the night. In the guest room, of course, but still. They can go to the diner tomorrow for breakfast, sit in their favorite booth, and order their usuals. He'll feign disgust at her purely black coffee and she'll pick at his pancakes even when she insists on never getting the sweet option.

"I'm still surprised your dad let's you stay the night here," Steve ponders this every time it happens, "isn't one of his rules, 'no boys overnight.'"

She shrugs off her jacket, "I guess he doesn't see you as a threat. And actually his rule is don't get pregnant, but they go hand in hand."

Is that disappointment she catches in Steve's eyes? Is he seriously offended that her dad, the big scary Sheriff, believes they're just friends too. I mean, hell, he's grown fond of Steve over the past few months with how much he's been there for both of his girls. Also, the Sheriff knows his daughter and he knows when she's hiding something. She's not hiding Steve.

"Don't look all sad, Steve," she moves on the bed to face him, "it's a good thing you're flying under his radar."

"Yeah, but it's like your dad doesn't think I have a shot with you," he slips out, wincing as soon as the words leave his mouth.

Hopper's eyes glimmer. A mischievous look on her face as she debates her next move. She could do nothing and look past this falter in Steve's usual smooth confidence. Or, she could give in a little and entertain this whole conversation.

So, with the help of the few drinks in her system, Hopper eyes Steve, taking in all his glorious features. His long eyelashes and great hair. What would it feel like to run your fingers through it? To tug a little?

She smirks, "do you think you have a shot with me?"

Steve looks up, taken aback by her question. He nearly melts as her big eyes stare up at him. Fuck, what is she doing? Is she doing what he thinks she's doing?

Wait, Steve knows what this is. He's done this a bunch of times with girls. He's egged them on, gotten them to be the ones to make the first move. He's never the first one to lay all his cards out there on the table. He's definitely never felt shy about being attracted to someone before and yet, here he is with the most beautiful girl he's met, in his bedroom about to change into his clothes, batting her eyelashes at him like it's some game.

No way is he going to lose at his own fucking game.

So he does what he does best and reverts back to King Steve. Just this once is fine, he thinks.

He stands up and walks over to his dresser. With his back faced to her, he shrugs, "you tell me."

Hopper sits back, shaking her head in disbelief. She thought she had him for a second there, but now he's acting all aloof and-

She looks up to find him tugging his shirt off his body, leaving the perfect view of his bare back. Oh you got to be kidding me. Now he's playing with her.

The tension in the room is palpable as Steve turns around and leans against his dresser. He doesn't break eye contact as he slips on a loose white t-shirt to sleep in. She stares back, not looking down as he covers his bare chest.

What she says next will change the trajectory of their friendship, she thinks. So she debates her next move, thinking back to how well they know each other now and how if they move into this physical territory, they risk their friendship. Is it worth it?

But the pounding in her heart is distracting and she can't help but focus on the feeling of desire in the pit of her stomach and the way her skin buzzes by the mere thought of him touching her. This isn't the first time she's felt this way with Steve.

She thinks back to the first time she felt this spark with him. When they were walking down those train tracks with Dustin slightly ahead of them. How Steve grabbed her wrist to stop her from tripping over a broken track. The electricity shot through her in an instant. Something she's never felt before.

Then the memory of desire floods her system. When she and Steve sat on his couch watching Nightmare on Elm Street and he pulled her into his chest because he was anxious and spooked. She felt his warmth and could smell his fresh linen scent. God, she could have taken him then and there if she really acted on how she felt.

But now she's in his bed, on the precipice of changing their friendship forever and instead of making the logical decision, she lets the need for his touch consume her.

His statement echoes in her mind - 'you tell me.'

"Yeah, you do," she states cooly, eyes still locked with his.

Steve breaks momentarily, sucking in a breath. He did not expect that answer, but fuck it. He can't help but eye her pouting lips and big eyes looking back at him. Don't do it, don't do it, don't-

and then she looks down at his lips, briefly, but he still catches it and now all he sees is red.

Steve strides across the room and lunges down to her level, cupping her face in his hands. He crashes his lips to hers and oh wow, is it better than he's ever imagined.

She grips his wrists, pulling him into her as he stumbles onto the bed. Her skin buzzes as they kiss, she needs him to touch her - anywhere.

He sits beside her and puts a hand on her waist. She leans towards him, sitting up on her knees and lowering onto his lap. She deepens the kiss as Steve's hands wander over her body.

The pit in her stomach grows more and more as she pushes further into him, grinding onto his lap. He groans and grabs the side of her head and neck, gripping her to look back at him. They eye each other, waiting for the other to break.

Steve bites his lip, "don't do that."

"You sure?" she smirks, going to lean in. He grips her head gently, making her look at him still.

With hooded eyes, he drawls out, "don't start something you can't finish."

Oof.

King Steve strikes again.

It's subtle. This implication that she's going to put out, and that brings her right back to any other hook up with any other guy. Maybe he didn't mean it like that, but it rubs her the wrong way. It sobers her up completely.

She stares back at him and Steve feels the mood shift.

"Don't push your luck, Harrington," she scoffs, nudging his hands off of her and rising from his lap.

Oh god, he fucked up, didn't he?

He goes to stand and go after her, but his hard-on decides otherwise. Steve stays glued on the bed as she grabs her clothes and retreats to the door.

"Wait, I'm so confused right now," Steve says quickly.

Hopper pauses, turning to him, "I'm tired, okay? Let's just talk about this tomorrow."

Before he can respond, she's already shutting the door and crossing the hall to the guest room, leaving Steve very confused and still very turned on by his best friend.

[writingoddess1125]

Too Comfortable for Routine

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x GN Reader

This was randomly written at like 2am in-between assignments so- It's kinda shit but at least Fluffy shit.

Fluff

Simon had just gotten home from deployment-

He made it straight over to your flat as per usual when he was on leave and had time to pretend be a civilian.

You two had been dating for just over two years at this point. It was hard at times however it seemed you two had sort of fallen into a perfect rhythm for each other.

When in your flat (Really his home at this point but won't say it out loud-) He would always bring some form of take away dinner as a easy meal for comfort, put his shoes by the door, duffle in the closet, greet you with a kiss, go take a shower, eat dinner and talk, watch his favorite show with you in bed- then you two would knock boots.

Perfectly planned out and executed during each return to you.

Simon was a creature of habit afterall.

Set in what he liked- especially when he came over to your flat. You respected his habits and how he liked things, having quickly noticed how he would always do things the same. So when he was to in your home you kept to what he was comforble with- (truthfully you had some theories on his nature of sticking to routine but would never voice it.)

But this time.. It was different?

Simon walked in, Boots, Duffle and a greeting of a kiss as you smile up at him.

"Welcome Home Simon" You say brightly, Simon giving a soft smile in return.

"Hey Lov" He said softly, wrapping a arm around you to pull you close.

'God he missed this-'

Leaning into his embrace, you cant help but hum happily at having him back home- safe and sound. You looking to him as you can already see his features softening, relaxation.

You lead him further into the flat as he drops his boots off in its set spot- His muscle memory routine already in full effect it seemed..

"Oh- Before I forget Si, The show is airing a bit earlier then usual, Do you wanna shower and just head straight to watching the show?"

Simon gave a heavy sigh at hearing this, before nodding in understanding. While a bit hesitant at the change, agreed.

This was unwelcomed change- However it seemed fairly alright to him. Afterall it was the same things just out of order.

You take his duffle bag and the fast food as you send him off to shower, Simon doing as told quickly- It was odd of course however it wasn't too bad.

After his admittedly very long shower he made it to your bed fast in only sweats. Seeing you'd already set up for the two of you to simply eat in bed to watch the show he liked on time, Simon and you sharing some idle chatter with each other- eating McDonald's together (aka a short and funny argument about him calling it Maccies vs you saying McDonald's) before you two lay down to watch TV.

Simon however as normal shifting in the way too soft bed, having to always adjust to not being in a cot- He moved just until he finally got comforble and lazily staring at the TV. His mind starting to get fuzzy and with absolutely no thoughts as you ran your fingers through his hair.

He didn't even really watch the show like he would normally? It felt like simple background noise unlike before when it would capture his attention.

However the warmth of your body made him melt especially under your fingers.

Unknowingly He had rested his head against your stomach, his arms wrapped around your thigh as his leg was even hiked up on your own. His massive build cuddled into you as if you were his security, his to shield from the world outside-

It was his own slice of heaven he could be wrapped in forever and ever, he just felt himself at peace. Eyes starting to drift closed as the creeping feeling of sleep came way faster then normal an-

Wait-

What the fuck?

He blinked suddently as if his brain snapped back from wherever it had just went to.

What the fuck just happened? When did he get into this position??

Simon pulled from you fast a confused wide eyed expression as he sat up quickly and looked around the room as if he didnt even remember walking into it in the first place, You raising an eyebrow at his movements as if he had just gotten punched by some invisible force to get up.

"Uh, Simon? You okay?"

You ask, seeing him slowly sit himself up property and stare at you as if you had somehow grown a second head or done something to him. Brows knitted together as he slowly slid to sit up next to you and pull you in his arms instead.

You could feel he isn't as comforble as he was before when he was laying on you, tense as he holds you to his side now like how he usually does- but now a firmer hand.

Simon mind reeling as he stared a bit blankly at the TV, the hour long show wrapping up as he didnt know what the fuck had happened- a creeping feeling going up his spine.

Was he comfortable in this routine? Despite you breaking it?

Or

Was he just comforble with you?

[kyanitedragon]

Nuances:

How Long They've Known Each Other:

Kaneki and Hide met in Grade School, but an exact year was never given. I tend to jump around a lot depending on what works best for the fic, but I think I prefer to make it their second year of Grade School, making them around 6-7 when they met. Thus, approximately 16 years as of the final arc.

Kaneki met Touka in November of 2011, only knowing her for 2 months roughly before Aogiri kidnapped him and he left her. They only truly reunited again in December of 2015, and the series ends in April 2016. So as a whole, 4 years and 6 months. But if you mean direct contact, then only... 6 months wow.

Ages: I'm filling this out as of the final arc (late April), so Kaneki just turned 23 (Dec), Touka has yet to turn 22 (July), and Hide has yet to turn 24 (June)

Love Languages: Hide is absolutely a physically affectionate person. Kaneki I think would be acts of service, honestly born from his trauma and feeling like a burden so he needs to do things in return. And he also gifted Touka that rabbit keychain and then I wrote a fic of him doing the same for Hide. I can see him being the kind of person to see his loved ones in random items and buying things here and there for them. And Touka I think would be quality time but like,,, in a cat way? She likes to quietly hang out and join her loved ones, or even a sort of parallel play of being nearby, not really some big quality time event like snuggling.

How It Happens:

I like to hc that Hide had a crush on Kaneki as a kid, and it's always lasted. And in canon he was actually the first one to find Touka cute, even before Kaneki. // Touka we know fell in love with Kaneki after he said he'd be sad if she died. And I think she'd end up with Hide by seeing how close he and Kaneki are and figuring "why not!" // In canon it's not exactly clear how or why Kaneki fell in love with Touka (beyond her being a cute girl and a close friend) but I think it was really just something that happened slow and natural. I also jump back and forth between him being unaware of his crush on Hide, and/or knowing with absolute certainty that he wants to spend his life with his best friend beside him (in a QPR way, if only he knew the term).

Jealousy: I can't see any of them as especially jealous people? I think they'd simply have the average amount, and even then it would come more from a place of insecurity of themselves than active jealousy.

Attention: Hide is good with anything, anywhere and anytime. // Kaneki is a romantic but he likes his privacy, and it takes him a long time to build up the nerve to initiate anything. // Touka doesn't see the point in purposely displaying affection in public. And she's not that much of a touchy person in general.

Arguing: Touka is quick to snap but also quick to forgive once she cools off. // Kaneki is pretty hit or miss, whether he'll be level-headed or stubborn during an argument. // Hide's a bit stubborn but more so he's afraid of confrontation and especially losing people, so he'll back down the moment things seem like they're getting out of hand.

Protectiveness: Kaneki and Hide are both incredibly overprotective. Kaneki is pretty obvious about it. Hide keeps it quiet and works in secret. Whereas Touka has confidence that her loved ones can take care of themselves.

Spooning: There's two ways to answer this. As a trio, I think Hide would hold Kaneki who holds Touka so that he's in the middle. Kaneki needs to be held and feel loved and wanted, so that's their usual, although they all switch. When it comes to preferences, as said, Kaneki likes to be held. I think Touka would prefer to hold but doesn't mind being held. And Hide is pretty neutral and just goes on whatever the other person needs - he just likes touch, he doesn't really care what role or position.

Clothes Sharing: There's not too much of a height difference between them, so I think they would regularly share clothes. The only issue is their vastly different fashion senses, but anything that falls into the middleground of their tastes absolutely gets thrown around on who wears it.

Bugs: Hide's a bleeding heart. Kaneki's had the worst experiences with centipedes and yet seemed to hold respect and/or like of them. And Touka likes bugs. Yeah none of them are killing bugs - they're all relocating them outside.

Introvert vs Extrovert: Kaneki is an introvert. Hide's an ambivert — one who seems like an extrovert but he's actually more introverted. And Touka I think is a "true" ambivert right in the middle.

Didn't Know They Were Dating VS Always Thought They Were Dating: This one is very fun to me. In canon Kaneki sprung that marriage onto Touka, and I always got vibes that she was going for more of a FWB deal. And I ship post-canon Hidetouken in the sense that they both pull Hide into their marriage and Hide has no idea that's their intent for the longest time. And so, surprisingly, Kaneki ends up being the one aware (for once).

Plans VS Improvises: Kaneki is a pretty organized and strict by-the-book kind of person. Touka is too stubborn to commit to any plan. And Hide bounces around, sometimes his ADHD makes him plan out everything and sometimes it Does Not Work.

Nicknames: I can't see any of them being big on pet names. Hide gets the closest bc I can see him using friendly casual nicknames. And I think Touka would also be the kind of girl to call her boyfriends "bro" or "dude" occasionally, especially when they do something stupid. And personally I've always been against the idea that Touka and Hide end up calling him "Ken". I feel like Kaneki doesn't like to be called that, given that literally no one close to him calls him in that the entire series run. Honestly, his partners calling him Ken has become a fanfic squick of mine bc of that. Anyway, I think they'd all just stick to their typical canon ways of referring to each other.

Sappy VS Casual: Kaneki's a romantic, Hide's romantic but in a casual way, and Touka is aro and rather romance-repulsed at times.

Open Book VS Hard To Read: Hide comes off as a total open book, but it's just a mask. In actuality, he's the most difficult to truly read. Touka tends to wear her emotions on her sleeve, usually negative ones. And Kaneki's in the middle, it really depends whether he feels it's "safe" to show them or masks them.

Pushover VS Stubborn: Hide is all masking and all bark, he's a pushover. Touka can and will bite. And Kaneki again depends on what he's reacting to. And he's steadily getting better at setting boundaries and not being a pushover.

Blind Trust VS Lack of Trust: I think Hide trusts easily, but its not blind, it's his intuition and thought processes making him confident enough to take that leap of faith. // Kaneki and Touka both have major trust issues, given all their trauma of being abandoned.

First To Confess: In canon Touka confessed to Kaneki. Unconventionally, but still. And I like the idea of her being the one to suggest and open up a poly relationship post-canon between Kaneki and Hide, starting as a V and soon into a full triangle.

First To Kiss: Touka kissed Kaneki first in canon. And when it comes to Hidekane? Well, given that Hide doesn't have lips anymore, I think any possible "kissing" would need to be heavily talked about and taken slow. But I like the idea of Kaneki asking him a soft and open, "Can I kiss you?" and they go from there.

Says "I Love You" First: Hide has the most spontaneity, so I want to say him, although Kaneki and Touka were married for longer before reuniting with him, so it might be one of them. And yet, I kinda like the idea of Hide saying it after they're all together as a throuple, and then Kaneki and Touka both have to pause like "Holy shit wait no one's actually Said That in all this time." They tend to say "i love you" through actions, so it's kinda jarring (in a good way) when it's suddenly said aloud.

Struggles To Say "I Love You": I think Touka would. She canonically seems to have trouble saying what she means when it comes to emotional matters (best seen in light novel Days), but also it's a pretty common thing for aros to struggle with this when they don't feel romantic attraction, so it seems fitting.

Spoils: I can see Hide being the kind of partner to do surprises and just random bursts of affection. And as i think acts of service and gift-giving would be one of Kaneki's love languages, he'd really like to indulge in his love and spoil his partners.

Popular: It outwardly appears to be Hide, but that's not actually true; the guy knows a lot of people but they're not deep connections. Kaneki, though... the guy basically has a harem.

Infodumps: Hide does often about all kinds of things. Kaneki infodumps about literature.

Driver: Kaneki; I think he's the most responsible and calm-headed person to do it. Plus he's the only one seen driving in canon. (As Haise, but still.)

Fighter: Kaneki and Touka equally so. And they're hypocrites about it and berate each other for it. Usually followed by a "Let me do it!!". Hide is more "the guy in the chair" and can't really fight beyond self defense.

"Excuse Me They Asked For No Pickles": Hide for sure. I imagine him doing this all the time when the ghouls get served coffee that's not truly black.

Hiding Feelings: They all do. Hide is the worst, a constant really good mask of sunshine. Kaneki's also really bad about it, but when it's at its worst you can really tell. Touka is a bit more conditional, she doesn't mind expressing emotions themselves, but whenever she feels vulnerable she is going to bottle that up and not let anyone know.

Flirting: Hide's a casual flirt, overemphasizing it to have fun and see how the other party reacts. Kaneki is shy but he's a real sappy romantic at times. Touka has fun and will occasionally flirt sexily and hit on her boys.

Flustered: Kaneki gets flustered the most. But I think Hide also wouldn't be able to handle genuine outright affection. Touka gets flustered, but more in a shocked and embarrassed and romance-repulsed sense.

Codependency: Kaneki and Hide are absolutely codependent with each other. Kaneki's also very codependent on Touka. Touka's an independent woman who doesn't need no man; she simply wants one (then two).

Clingy: Kaneki is absolutely clingy and needy and touch-starved. Hide is very physically affectionate and always has been.

Trust: This one is interesting because at any other point in canon they would be a 3/4 of "heavy trust but also insecurity of being left behind." But specifically after the Dragon Arc? Yeah no trust is absolutely maxed out. Hide going as far as he had for Kaneki, he's not leaving, and Kaneki is never leaving his side again. Touka dug Kaneki out of Dragon, clearly she chose him yet again, I think Kaneki's good for a long while. And Touka? Kaneki vowed that he would come back and he did. I think her worries are also soothed for a long while.

Closeness: Kaneki and Hide are extremely close, and Kaneki and Touka have also grown very close, being married for the past few months.

Steals Clothes From: All of them share clothes. Touka likes to steal Kaneki's clothes. Hide also likes to steal his clothes, but he also offers them to Kaneki and Touka. Kaneki likes to wear their clothes as well, but he still gets pushed to the left from the utter amount of the others taking his clothes. (Also there's this.)

Uses Nicknames: Kaneki and Hide both call her "Touka-chan." I've long-stolen the fanon of Hide calling him "neki", and my reason is, as said above, I think Kaneki dislikes his given name, but Hide wanted to give Kaneki a nickname because he himself likes to be called "Hide" over his full name, so he stated that Kaneki "had to" have a nickname and came up with that. I'd love to give Touka a nickname for Kaneki too, since calling your husband by his surname 24/7 is admittedly a bit odd, but I'm still thinking of what. And I got "Hide-kun" because that's what Touka calls him in the epilogue (although it got lost in translation).

Overprotective Of: Hide's overprotective of Kaneki, but he has confidence that Touka can handle herself. Kaneki is overprotective of both of them. And Touka isn't overprotective of either of them, she's pretty hands-off and has confidence that they can handle anything.

Gives Gifts: Kaneki, being his love language.

Physically Affectionate: Hide, being his love language.

Goes Shopping With: I think they all would. The shopping would be quite different, as they're all into different things, but I think all would be happy to spend simple domestic time in tagging along with the other(s).

Clingy: Hide, absolutely, all the time. Kaneki can be very clingy too, but it's a bit more conditional or situational.

Some ship templates I made because none had what I was looking for + there were no high quality 3 person poly ones someone please use em I didn't spend 2 hours doing them for nothing Other way of getting the files in case it isn't transparent on tumblr + non transparent ones

[followthebluebell]

Hello! Please feel free to ignore, or respond at your leisure - I don’t want to bother you! Just a cat behavior question.

Do you find that you see more progress in terms of improving QOL in highly anxious* cats when they are ‘left alone’ (ie. not doing specific training, just normal feeding and offering human-involved play or pets *only* if the cat solicits it) or when employing a more hands-on approach (training comfort with touch or environment using treat rewards, attempting clicker training, responding to displays of anxiety with treats/removing the stressor if possible, etc)?

* ‘highly anxious’ here meaning cats that remain noticeably anxious or reactive even on daily gabapentin, where nearly any object or sound (famililar stimuli, not just novel) elicits stressed body language and fearfulness and the cat is agitated or appears highly stimulated at all times.

(My personal experience is limited in working with this level of anxiety since I’ve only been working with fosters for about 3 years, and mostly with kittens/more physical medical needs).

So this is very much a case-by-case basis for me, which is why I largely stopped giving advice on how to handle anxiety over the internet. I realized that I could be causing more harm than help.

In general, I think it's more useful to give an anxious cat the tools they need to handle their own anxiety--- ie, a cat that's overgrooming due to anxiety needs to re-learn that there are other ways to reduce anxiety, a cat that's anxious because of understimulation needs to relearn how to play with things, that sort of thing.

Like an anxious cat is always going to have SOMETHING to be anxious over, just like a people do. It's not useful to overwhelm with stimuli; you risk pushing the cat over the threshold and that's a fantastic way to get bitten or you risk pushing them into a shutdown. It's better to figure out what they need to feel comfortable and start from there.

I think Persephone would probably be a good example of the level of anxiety you're describing. For her, I largely left her alone for the first few weeks of acquisition. When she started showing interest in interacting, I rewarded her heavily--- this allowed her to still feel in control of the interactions without overwhelming her. This allowed her to be adopted and gave her a MUCH better QOL overall.

For cats that are more cat-social, I like to introduce them to more confident cats. This gives them a buddy and a sort of social meter. If they're nervous about something, they can look to their buddy like, "yo, hey :( I notice that there is a man wearing a scary hat here???? Is that ok????" and their buddy just goes, ":) i like food yay", so the anxious cat learns that maybe hats aren't THAT scary. If they were really scary, the other cat would ALSO be scared instead of hungry.

Again, it's about meeting the cat's individual requirements, if that makes sense. i think that's far more valuable to the animal in question. I try to meet the cat at their threshold WITHOUT going over it. As they become more comfortable, I try to push the threshold just a little bit further.

So i don't really force a hands-on approach (except for kittens under 12 weeks; they get put into the hoodie pocket and carried around), but I DO consider the hands-on approach 'better' for most cases.

I view medication as an extremely useful tool. It can be used for the cat's entire life and that's fine but, in general, I try to use it as little as possible. If a cat is still showing substantial anxiety on gabapentin, I'd switch medications; there are other options.

You need to keep reasonable goals, I feel, for yourself and the cat. Persephone is never going to be Little Miss Social and that's ok. I just needed to get her to the point where she was pettable, handleable, and able to go into a carrier.

[lover-of-mine]

Hiiii Anna 💕💕💕

What an episode!

I wanted to talk with you about the symbolism of Eddie driving the car and not Buck and what it might represent for their relationship. Have we ever seen Eddie driving Buck (aside from the ambulance during the lightning arc) or has it always been Buck driving Eddie?

The way I interpret this is The person driving represents them being in control, more sure of themselves in the relationship.

Eddie was driving not Buck. We see Eddie looking fondly at Buck when he leaves and also the way Eddie handled the conversation with Buck in the car. Eddie also reaffirmed Bucks place in his life for him and even called their relationship“this thing we have going on between us”

Could Eddie in the drivers seat represent him feeling more confident in his feelings than Buck? Whereas Buck is just starting to make sense of them? Representing them being at different points in their feelings journey?

It’s just so interesting to me because Buck has usually been the one in the drivers seat, the one to “lead” in a relationship per say or make grand gestures. Meanwhile Eddie is taking on this role of sorts here, being more collected than Buck

Hopefully that makes sense, what are your thoughts? :)

-❤️🪐

Hi darling!

Okay, the whole Buck always driving Eddie is an exaggeration created by the fandom because we see Eddie coming out of the passenger seat of the Jeep on 412 and I'm pretty sure that's it. It's a fandom thing, we don't see them in cars together for us to be like "oh Buck's the one who's always driving" we don't know that we assumed it, passenger princess Eddie is 100% a fanon thing.

That being said, I think it's very important that Eddie is the one driving Buck in that moment because of the context of the scene because Eddie driving gives Buck the chance to panic. Buck needs the safety to panic, his sister is missing he needs the the ability to not focus on the road he needs to be just able to fall apart in the passenger seat and that is what letting Eddie drive accomplishes. Buck's allowed to have his little crashout about everything that's happening because Eddie is giving him that space.

And you know that I will always be a defender of the idea that Eddie's a lot more aware in his own feelings for Buck than Buck is on his feelings for Eddie because Eddie knows how important he is to Buck, he questions it sometimes, like on 809 but he is always put in a situation where he gets the confirmation that yes he's not overestimating their relationship. He knows he matters to buck and that moment in the car is also about Eddie feeling the confidence to admit that he's also not happy with the move, that moving is not something that he's doing lightly. He keeps glancing at Buck as Buck talks and he's letting Buck get it all out but he stops looking at him and he looks conflicted when he finally admits that it's not nothing. Eddie's driving the car in this sense is also a lot about the way that Buck needs the space to fall apart to reach a point where he's secure enough in his relationship with Eddie, in his own feelings for him to do something and he's waiting for a Buck to work it out because as long as Buck doesn't work it out, Eddie can't look at it either.

It's also part of the why I am assuming that Buck is going to spiral into his feelings and Eddie's is going to settle into them. Buck going to hit denial hard and Eddie driving allows him this feeling and gives him the space to panic.

Buck does the grand gestures, yeah, and he controls changes in the relationships, but people always clue Buck in into what he's supposed to be feeling, I think the thing here is Eddie letting Buck feel whatever he needs to feel to settle.

[ledetlore]

listen, i know everyone hates nathaniel coal and a small part of me does too, but a bigger part of me ACHES wondering about how much he's feeling right now. i mean!! here is your son. your first baby. you loved him so much. you didn't always get it right, and you did your best, even if you didn't have help. maybe, at some point, you started noticing what he lacked, and maybe you pushed him to be better, but that's only because you saw so much potential in him! for the longest time, it was you and him against the world... until suddenly, it wasn't. and that broke you.

but you got up! bc if there's one thing you know how to do, it's to keep going! it's to keep working! to keep living! you have more kids, your family grows, you have more boys and a girl. you can never replace your first baby, but life has gotten better.

and then suddenly. he's back! the son you thought you lost is back!! and he's different and he's hurt and he's been used and abused and oh, he asks you, where were you? why didn't you come after me? why did i have to be the one to go to you? why did you give up? you didnt give up on my your life here, you got up, got better, but not once did you come after me? not once? you gave up on me that easily, papa?

anyway. here's my partner. this man you think of as a monster. he's my family now. he was there for me when you weren't. he knows things about me i'll never tell you.

gideon never says all those things, but that's what nathaniel hears.

what's an old man to do, then, huh? what's an old man to do with all these feelings? does anyone know? certainly not nathaniel coal.

anyway. i can't wait for the breakdown that's about to happen. your fic has me by the throat.

i miss the boys, though. gricko would not STAND for this behavior from the coals, im sure of it.

also are we ever going to figure anything out about gideon's mom?

okay this ask got me so bad I ran a bubble bath, cracked open a nice cold cider and I'm now gonna answer best as I can. Just imagine me typing this on a layer of white bubbles.

Technically, this is answered over the next chapters, but I can give you a sneak peak.

Okay, let's get into it. Radiohead is playing, I am emotional, and fuck it, I wanna answer.

Without giving too much away;

Pa loves Gideon. He loves his kids. When you love something with your whole heart and it goes, it takes your heart with it. None of Pa's kids will ever know what Pa was with Gideon, and they sort of know it, with the way he gets sometimes - looking at the fields like there's still someone running through them when they're all inside. Hopeful.

Pa woke up to Gideon left on his doorstep, months after what he thought was a casual lay with a woman he thought he had dreamed. Parents dead, ranch just about running, about twenty three with no clue in the world of what to do with himself or a baby.

Giving up his youth for the baby, cause that's what you do when you're a good man with a big heart. He gave every part of that big heart to Gideon, keeping just enough back to keep his body running.

Then it's burning.

He's screaming, your baby is screaming, and you're running out to touch him, save him, stroke his hair and whisper that you'd never let anything happen - when a thud hits you, something dark and sharp across your face like the world's cruelest slap.

You wake up to a friend shaking you, begging you to be alive. You get up and you look for him, for your baby, but all there is are steadily filling train tracks, the scent of sulfur, and a long dark horizon.

You lose yourself. You give up. You drink, but that's not enough. Suddenly, all the coin you've been saving? Women. More drinks. Waking up in ditches.

You meet a girl two years younger than you. You saw her when you were younger, in the market with her mother while you had just lost yours.

You fuck her. She's lovely, she's sweet, it's her first time - it's your fiftieth. A month later she runs to your house, paint peeling, still smoke-stained. She's pregnant.

You could get a healer, sweep it all away, but fuck, she's scared. You feel responsible. Suddenly, you're swearing to do right by her and the kid, barely an hour after drinking another bottle of whiskey down. Maybe it helps. Maybe it doesn't.

So you buck up. Quit cold, you ain't a fucking wimp. She helps you, the first few months, and then you're helping her, she's tired, she's hurting, she's got a baby in her and God don't you remember how hard it was to have one just show up?

She gives birth. It's painful, she's screaming, your favourite hat tears in your hands from how tight you're holding it.

You don't give the baby your name, that was Gideon's. You call him John Markus Cowle - it's a fine name enough. The woman, she's sweaty, exhausted, eyes bagged and hands shaking.

She's never looked more beautiful.

You marry the next year, and the ceremony is empty on your side of the aisle, but she's stunning in her white dress. You fall harder than you thought possible.

Life goes on. Three more children, the third a surprise neither expected but both want so so terribly. She's a girl, and suddenly there's two angels in your life. You love and care for your sons, but baby girl is special- the first deep love you've felt since Gideon.

Life is beautiful, for a while. She grows up, like her mother but so stubborn, like you.

Then he comes back.

The day isn't even special. it's not an anniversary or a holiday. It's the start of another week in growing season.

You feel everything, so you make yourself feel nothing. Close yourself. Struggle to speak. He looks nothing like your baby, but all like you, the curve of his brows like his mother (distant as she is in your mind) and scarred like a circus lion. His tail, which used to smack you in bed, is gone. His horns are smaller than you thought they'd be.

He's shackled.

Then out from behind him comes something you've only ever heard about. A lizardfolk. An alligator. Both predators.

You couldn't protect your son, and now there's four more of your babies that you can't see, can't defend. Your girl, your angel, she's too curious - she's so similar to Gideon, who's here now, and she's going to be hurt.

You can't lose another.

Gideon is so big, you can't fit his face in your palm anymore, he looks like you but just a little off, he's beautiful and everything you wanted to see him grow into.

This lizardfolk is dressed far too nice. That's... worse almost. Because the shackles on his wrists need to come from somewhere.

Dear Anon, you will see more soon. Pa also needs to work through this, and he's spent years treating the memory of Gideon like a drop of diamond, precious and unbreakable.

He's a complicated man. I am crying now, having written this out. God, I am not made for this kind of angst, and here I am, hurting myself.

There's going to be a moment it all crashes down and the rubble may not be able to be used to rebuild. Still, a foundation doesn't disappear.

[seokminfilm]

borderline 🎸 yoon jeonghan

🎸 pairing, yoon jeonghan x reader

🎸 warnings, non-idol au, short, angst (hint of fluff at the end), high school au, senior student tennis player jeonghan, lovers to strangers to ???, tennis player reader, heavily descriptive

🎸 summary, the subject of tennis and yoon jeonghan were something you think you would never understand.

🎸 author's note, this has been simmering in my head this morning ever since i saw this picture on pinterest....i needed to do this okay i wouldn't rest until it was done LOL thank you all so much for 397 followers now AND all the love on 'calvin klein boyfriend'!! i appreciate it lots 🥹 anyways, enjoy borderline!!

🎸 now playing, yes i'm changing (tame impala)

🎸 word count, 818 | for @kstrucknet

the ball pecks the ground harmlessly, flying into the net as you give up trying, racket hitting the ground as you bite your lip.

tears are flowing from your eyes before you can even try form a thought as to why you're crying, and you don't know if it's because you're frustrated, hurt, or a mixture of both.

it was your senior year, but your ex-boyfriend was nowhere to be found. he had promised you on this same court, promised to never let you go─even after you two graduated, he swore up and down he would take you with him, wherever he decided to go. obviously, he didn't hold up his end of the bargain. yoon jeonghan was nowhere to be found.

you don't even know why you were practicing at this point. you and all of your friends knew that you were playing tennis because of jeonghan, even if you tried to deny it over and over. he had made you fall in love with it, just as he made you fall in love with him.

taking another tennis ball in your sweaty hand, you let it hit the racket, giving it your best swing as he violently swishes into the net once again. face falling at the failure, you turn away from the court and look into the park, watching children play lightheartedly without a care in the world.

you remember when you were like that, free and whole─jeonghan was there with you, encouraging you to act like a fool, even when you probably shouldn't have been. jeonghan had brought out the best in you, it seemed, and now─he wasn't even there to do that. the call to tennis was too strong for him to deny, you supposed.

"it's no wonder you can't hit the ball straight. you have the posture of a steamed shrimp." the voice had a familiar tone to it as if the speaker of that sentence was trying to hold back a laugh of some sort.

turning around, your eyes land on yoon jeonghan himself─the freshman-turned-tennis prodigy who left your life two years ago.

he was taller now, hair longer and smoother as it bristled in the wind tousling through the air. his eyes still had that charming look to them, but his lips were a dark pink, tantalizing and lithe as he smirked at you.

"did you miss me?" the question is playful as jeonghan strips himself of his backpack and whips out a tennis racket. wiping the tears from your eyes, you clear your throat, eyes threatening to tear up again at jeonghan's smile.

"i didn't really have time to do that." you lie straight through your teeth, and jeonghan knows you did, going along with it as he smirks. "uh-huh."

the two of you fell silent, unspoken conversations lingering between you. there was so much you and him left unsaid, and now, you waited for him to clear up the confusion and hurt in your heart.

if you were being a hundred percent honest, you wanted jeonghan to kiss you and make everything all feel better.

"let's practice some swings, shall we? it'll be just like good old times." jeonghan flips his racket in hand, hair tucked and strands whipping violently behind his ears. his dark brown eyes study yours with one of fondness as if you two had never stopped being together.

both of you knew that wasn't true, but it was nice to pretend, right?

"how can it be the same, jeonghan? it's so different now. it's been so different without you, jeonghan," you whisper, and sadly enough, jeonghan hears you. his face falls slightly, and he can't put on a fake smile, shaking his head as he runs a hand through his hair.

"we can always try, can't we?" jeonghan was just inches away from you now, walking farther and farther up to you during the conversation. his cologne washes over you in waves, and his eyes are filled with pain and longing─it makes you want to cry, almost. seeing how pitiful he is for you. it's makes you feel wanted.

"sure. we can try," you say in a rare moment of vulnerability, and jeonghan pauses to look at you, face illuminated by the sun as he smiles.

"we can try, yeah. let's start out with tennis, though?" you crack a smile at the unusual familiarity of jeonghan's warm voice directed to you again, and in that moment, suddenly everything isn't so bad.

suddenly, you're willing to try to hit the ball over the net again. the life in your eyes has returned back, and you nod quietly, looking down as both of you think of what your tennis coach had said to you two your first doubles game.

second chances come and go. it's just up to you to take them.

you guessed the quote came in handy for romantic relationships, not just tennis matches.

[ankosblog]

VIKTOR BRINGS JAYCE AT JERICHO’S FOOD STALL 🐌🧀🌶️

Link to the full fic on AO3

“Hi Jericho! Long time no see!” Viktor greeted, his voice warm.

Jayce sat next to him, waving a silent salutation, but the cook laughed — a laugh that didn’t exactly sound welcoming — and jabbered something unintelligible in reply.

“See, I bring Piltie clientele now” Viktor joked. “You’re getting famous.”

The cook laughed again, this time more genuinely, and Jayce caught a glimpse of Viktor’s grin. He shot a look at his partner — didn’t Viktor want to remain discrete? Was it really wise to sell him out to the first person they encountered?

“I thought we were supposed not to attract attention?” he whispered.

“You’re kidding yourself if you think you’re fooling anyone who look at you more for than a few seconds. Disguise avoid to attract attention, but doesn’t hide where you’re from. Trust me, Piltover taught me the lesson.” Viktor replied with acidic irony. “Jericho, do you still serve your chili octopus? I’ve been craving it for months” he continued, unfazed.

“Aren’t we here for information?” Jayce insisted.

But Viktor simply ignored him. Worse, he turned to him with a sparkle of mischief in his eyes.

“And a bowl of cheesy slugs.” he added with a devilish smirk.

The cook jabbered something in approval, and began moving around.

“It’s not polite to ask for information without ordering, Jayce,” Viktor pointed out. “And I’ve missed Zaun’s food — especially Jericho’s. Take this as a chance to expand your... cultural understanding of the Undercity.”

Whatever that meant, Jayce knew it wasn’t good for him.

Waves of rich, smoky scents rose from the stove as the cook worked his magic, leaving Jayce plenty of time to mentally catalog every single violation of basic hygiene. His worst fears were confirmed when two bowls were placed before them — one filled with fried octopus tentacles smothered in a thick red sauce that looked hot enough to melt Demacian steel, and the other with what looked like blue sea slugs swimming in melted cheese.

Jayce swallowed hard when his plate landed in front of him. He turned to Viktor, silently hoping that his partner had only ordered for the sake of politeness and that they wouldn’t actually eat the dishes. Besides, there was no cutlery in sight.

He was stunned by the sight before him. His jaw dropped as he watched Viktor – his Viktor, the well mannered man he ate next to everyday at the Academy Cafeteria – dig into his plate with his bare fingers, not caring about the sauce staining his chin, leaning over his bowl with ease.

Jayce realized he was staring when his partners’ eyes met his, his face a silent “What?” as he licked sauce from his thumb.

All things considered, Jayce decided he was wrong to judge – after all, this was not Piltover. Manners were different down there, and he should probably follow a Zaunite’s example rather than sticking to his own ways. “Expanding my cultural understanding of the Undercity, uh?” he thought.

His eyes fell back to the plate in front of him – tiger-blue slugs soaking in gooey cheese, with a sort of broth peaking from underneath. The smell wasn’t bad. In fact, it was almost... inviting. But the sight of the slugs was anything but appetizing, especially considering the questionable cooking methods.

Taking a deep breath, he pinched one of the slugs between his fingers, closed his eyes, and took a bite.

To his surprise... it didn’t taste bad. It even tasted pretty good. The texture was squishy, almost squeaky against his teeth, but it didn’t feel wrong. The slugs tasted like fermented anchovies, their bitterness mixing unexpectedly well with the greasiness of the melted cheese, balanced by the strength of the broth. If he had been told what it was beforehand, he’d have probably frowned, but now it made sense. This could easily keep a man full for a whole day.

He surprised himself by going back for more, again and again, until he realized he had completely forgotten about his manners. He wasn’t the only one surprised — Viktor was watching him with his jaw dropped, eyes wide in disbelief. Jayce met his gaze, offering a silent “What?” in return. Viktor chuckled, visibly impressed – a look that Jayce couldn’t get enough of – and focused back on his plate.

“Would you like to try?” he asked, handing him a fried tentacle dipped in red sauce. “That may be a bit too spicy for you, though”.

There was no trace of challenge in his voice – only a genuine offer. But telling Jayce Talis that something might be too much for him was a mistake.

“What? You think I’m too Piltie for this?” Jayce replied with an arrogant smile.

Without missing a beat, he leaned forward and took the food directly from Viktor’s fingers, not bothering to take it into his own hands. Viktor froze for a moment, completely unprepared for the closeness. His breath hitched as Jayce’s lips brushed against his fingers.

Jayce didn’t notice the flustered look on his partner’s face. Instead, he had to face the consequences of his action.

That wasn’t “spicy”… not even anywhere near that… that was DAMN HOT! He coughed, his face turning bright red, tears at the corners of his eyes. How could such a small bite light a fire as fierce as his family’s forge in his mouth?

“Fine” Jayce managed between laugh and cough, hastily drinking from his broth to soothe the fire in his mouth, “I may have overestimated myself on this one.”

Viktor cleared his throat, attempting to regain composure. His voice was softer now, and there was a slight tremor in his words. “It’s not for the faint of heart. But you survived. Impressive.”

Jayce grinned, barely noticing the subtle shift in Viktor’s tone.

“This in amazing Jericho! Thanks!” Viktor praised the cook with a smile. “By the way... I checked on Benzo this morning... I noticed his shop was robbed. What happened down there?”.

The cook jabbered again, his voice taking on a darker, more somber tone as he turned back to his stove. Jayce was starting to wonder how his partner planned on getting any useful information from someone speaking such an unintelligible language, but his train of thought was interrupted by an unfamiliar voice.

“Well well… Look who’s back in the Lanes.”

Viktor froze, his blood running cold and his muscles tensing…

Read more on AO3 😊

[thesauce8]

my attempt at sorting through the kakashi timeline. (i now realize my other post had a small mistake)

5: enters the academy along with everyone else. matriculation is more like the official enrollment into attending an academy/university rather than yearly orientation. seems we can assume this was the point that the students were first accepted into the academy

later at 5: graduates the academy and becomes known as a prodigy

6: becomes a chunin all while the rest of his generation are still in the academy

7/8: sakumo dies

9: is put on team minato with genin his age. meets obito and rin (also 9) but theyve just freshly graduated the academy. im not actually sure if 9 is the graduation age cause i dont have confirmation panels but thats what ive heard. its kinda irrelevant anyways i guess as long as its before the chunin exams.

…11/12..? (look to obitos age below for a more accurate estimate): takes chunin exams with team 7. now THIS is where the issue is. that stupid fucking panel of him holding up his chunin paper that shows after he beats guy. i originally mistook this for a flashback to him becoming chunin before realizing what the order of the panels was suggesting so thats the mistake. there are a couple ways to fix this

1. pretend it was a reinstation for whatever reason.

ideas:

- because he was made chunin super young and the rank needed a renewal due to his young age at the time

- he didnt actually take the exams at 6 since he didnt have an official team and was given the rank based on skill so it was kinda unofficial and this was his official exam

- he needed to get reinstated because he had a new team and the exams were supposed to in part measure the teams compatibility

- something else thats better thought out than my ideas

2. pretend that panel doesnt exist 👌

3. some other excuse

basically directly addressing this panel instead of deaging him fucks less with the timeline and portrayals and should fix the inconsistency as well. i mostly see people headcanon the age difference as 2-5 years but if were going with this, the age difference should be roughly 5-7 years- obito was 12/13 when he got crushed and had just become a chunin because in that same scene, rin whispers to him about meeting up and that meet up is to discuss kakashis present for becoming jonin. they give kakashi his gifts on the way to the bridge. chunin exams are held biannually during fall and spring. he got whooped by guy in the 1 on 1s and promptly failed in what we can assume was fall.

hes shown training during winter and retakes the exam in the spring so less than a year passes in between obito failing and becoming chunin (those are flower buds btw. i thought they were leaves but theyre not). if obito was 12/13 when he got smooshed, he was 11/12 at absolute minimum when he failed and kakashi became chunin (6)

and that age difference of 5-7years makes no sense because hes taller than rin and the same height and age appearance wise as the rest of his grade. if that really was their age difference, kakashi would look a LOT younger during orientation. as crazy as his chunin at age 6 feat is, its very difficult for me to suspend my belief and imagine him enrolling in the academy at 0 to -2 years old. it would also make rin pretty creepy and as confrontational as obito is, i feel like he would not beg to be rivals with someone 5-7 years younger than him. that would hurt his pride too much

12/13: becomes jonin when obito becomes chunin. kannabi bridge mission. chaos ensues

i only really looked into the info from chapter 599 and 240 and whatever else i linked so if there are any other relevant timeline drops that totally breaks my case then ive totally missed them so lmk

[ballsbalb]

i see your point, but i do have some issues with this as well.

i absolutely do believe Abramovich’s ownership of Chelsea was immoral, as i have said in the past, because of his status as an oligarch & his close ties to putin. in my opinion, it’s not difficult to differentiate between “slightly iffy” owners and “terrible monster” owners, which is a distinction that is incredibly important. it’s not about “good or bad”, it’s about slightly concerning (most owners) and utterly immoral (oligarchs, royal families, literal countries, etc)

yes, newcastle’s buyout from from the saudi arabian royal family was also bad. i am very consistent on the fact that countries and royal families owning football clubs is, under almost every circumstance, bad for the sport as a whole.

the political backgrounds of these clubs are inextricably linked with their financial status,

of course “money means winning,” but that’s not all there is to sports, which is what i said in my original post. yes, it’s great to win and have billions and billions to spend, but there’s so much more to a club/a sports team than winning every game, there are communities and supporters and fan culture behind these teams that make them special.

using very recent examples to say that teams like liverpool & barca haven’t had gradual growth is somewhat missing the point, i feel. yes, liverpool and barca have had gradual growth, and their history of that spans decades and decades before one or two major transfers. their growth in the 60s, 70s, 80s and onwards was built by fans, a strong core support system and unity of a community; teams like city and PSG don’t have that sort of true fan-based success, all they have are billionaires who throw money at them in order to further sportswashing their immoral actions back home.

also, football WAS created by and for laborers and industrial workers; it was also played by the wealthy, sure, but it originated in an organized form as a sport for the working class.

and your last bit is kind of my whole point. yes, it’s incredibly easy to ignore the bloody origins of the money that brings success for these teams, because the football landscape we are in currently doesn’t care about fans nearly as much as it does winning. that’s the problem— people would rather win by figuratively throwing dead babies at the ball all game than lose honorably, and that doesn’t make sense to me. that’s my point.

always baffles me how people are actually man city fans. like— sport, and football especially, is so inherently about passion, and joy, and sticking with your team through thick and thin, and experiencing the highs and lows, and the commitment & emotion of supporting not just a team, and not just a club, but a community & a set of values. and then there are teams like city and real madrid and psg (sans ultras & some of the pre-oil money fans, in psg’s case) that are just. teams. that win stuff b/c of money and this, like, inherent artificiality that they all have. like, i get liking players/managers/whatever, and there’s nothing wrong w/ being a casual fan at all, but how can you possibly be a hardcore, serious, fucken man city fan? or madrid fan? what values are you supporting? incomprehensible, unregulated capitalism? what communities are you standing with, what’s the point? i just can’t understand it, what’s the appeal? winning? is that really all there is to it?

[fumifooms]

Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis

Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but I’m jumping into the fray. I think there’s a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so it’s sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.

Falin cares too little :

A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and I… Don’t agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.

We do see her worrying about what people think of her… ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didn’t matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. That’s why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; it’s always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.

Laios’ words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, you’re great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, I’ll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, she’d follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, she’d follow him to the ends of the world, and that’s what she did.

She didn’t care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesn’t even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parent’s directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I don’t think the motivation is people pleasing, rather it’s being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that it’s as simple as that, mind you, but let’s talk about this for now.

Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). They’re the ones she’s devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didn’t care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.

What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think that’s the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we can’t tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that she’s in there, we just don’t know at what degree), that we don’t know her enough to be able to tell when she’s at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.

And this is what’s very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. She’s so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he can’t read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see that… Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesn’t care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who she’s speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they don’t cross her mind then of course she’d be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesn’t make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isn’t exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see she’s ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me there’s this aspect to her that she isn’t as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and there’s something interesting to that.

People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so she’s friendly and hopefully things’ll be smooth sailing. It’s easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you don’t care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesn’t do what she does because she loves them, but because she loves them.

One situation that’s interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what I’m trying to get at, is Shuro’s proposal to her. I’ve seen people saying she hesitated because she didn’t feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I can’t say no, I don’t want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but it’s actually canon in the Adventurer’s Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didn’t feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but it’d have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense she’d want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, there’s even a bit on it on Laios’ Adventurer’s Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, it’s an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brother’s needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldn’t she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?

So her hesitance was "yeah that’s convenient for me, but where it’s everything to him and heartfelt I’m able to be detached because I don’t care about it that much… Can I do that? I’m not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though it’s not what you’d expect, isn’t it?

And central to my analysis, where I’m going with this is, I feel like that’s the thing with her character, that she doesn’t feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didn’t mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didn’t seem to get why it was such a big deal, didn’t seem to care about how they’d experienced her choices.

So it’s a tendency… And it’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s just that the way she measures what’s good for the ones she loves isn’t the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). It’s an overt but quiet kind of care, it’s doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.

So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuro’s proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because she’s thinking about reciprocity, about if it’d be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And that’s a big part of her character isn’t it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.

Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, she’d been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurer’s Bible explanation was released midstory, so I’m hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didn’t react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesn’t remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasn’t finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what I’m saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuro’s proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.

And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? It’s rather layered, because canonically she wasn’t aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and we’re not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isn’t being mistreated (though doesn’t ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough she’s very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when she’s worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chief’s daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.

She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.

And this sort of understanding is part of why I think she’d notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when she’s careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think it’s a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. She’s not sure wether to accept or reject Shuro’s proposal, doesn’t want to lead him on? She’ll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesn’t feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.

We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think that’s here too. She doesn’t get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesn’t change that she doesn’t want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, it’s just that she’s learned growing up that she doesn’t have much agency.

Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. She’ll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, she’ll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when he’s pushing her away (because he doesn’t want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved them— And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didn’t notice the ostracization she suffered.

She’s always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didn’t try hard to rectify the dogs’ misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.

So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someone’s presence isn’t something you ask for, it’s something that’s bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you can’t ask them to stay or to come with.

She’s used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so she’s learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didn’t want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.

And still, it’s the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasn’t that I’d feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I don’t regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but I’m sorry that you’re so much more upset about it than me". It’s the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.

It’s the autism it’s the aroace of it all, it’s the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, it’s the feeling like you’re somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. I’m not joking btw it isn’t uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm you’re uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you won’t feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about it…"

So… Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I don’t think she actually cares about people all that much. I’d argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesn’t mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well it’s pretty straightforward really, she’s not all that social and doesn’t see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but it’s not as much like… A conviction or goal. She’s too laser focused on a select few people. "It’s not that they’re bad people, they just aren’t interested in humans."

And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isn’t her whole world or that she isn’t the kindest soul out there then you’re saying she doesn’t care at all or she’s evil. And that’s actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but it’s not in a way that’s quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they don’t have the same logic as her, don’t show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if I’m making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isn’t uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.

And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, there’s absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. There’s enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason I’ve chosen this angle is I feel it’s more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falin’s character arc as I’ll go over throughout the next section…

So.

Not feeling as much as she should. And……. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?

You can’t tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.

Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when she’s dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to just… Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. That’s what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.

There’s excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, and… Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falin’s choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragon’s wasn’t done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. She’s stripped of her agency consistently, and so… It’s very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.

Personally, I think freedom is Falin’s own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.

And if you think I’m going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laios’ wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, it’s something that’s consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.

Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, it’s always been Laios’ curse.

Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, but… On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks it’d be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If there’s someone you don’t like, you can gobble ‘em up in one bite. If you could fly, you’d be able to leave this village right now." It’s a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.

But you’ll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesn’t want to leave knowing they’ll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laios’ care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isn’t to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isn’t to stay and see how well his friends will live, it’s to go. It’s to leave. It’s to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. It’s again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didn’t, or not caring and wishing you did.

In the end, it’s Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. It’s a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying they’ll get themselves killed, that time is passing while they’re away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what it’s like to have what she’s never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.

No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if you’re a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when you’re a beast and you can just… Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because you’re at the bottom of the hierarchy, you’re now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.

I think she’s on autopilot. I think she’s on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and it’s partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) It’s familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And that’s what is weaponized when she’s a chimera, that instinct she’s been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesn’t matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesn’t mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because she’s trained it to take as little place as it could.

Falin cares too much

She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.

So you’re probably seeing the duality I’m talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often don’t recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesn’t care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.

In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. She’s undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, it’s text, in the response to Shuro’s proposal extra no less. And she’s so laser focused on her most loved people that she’s fine with being callous and risking others’ lives, even.

Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.

Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.

And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with her… Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her too… In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way that’s not palatable. But she doesn’t care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasn’t for a while now, and that’s great.

Notes & nuance

I’m struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. It’s difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but there’s this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "it’s ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldn’t fit well in other places but are interesting for Falin’s character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, it’s just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I can’t just pull it up whenever it’s relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurer’s Bible profile if you haven’t already.

I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didn’t seem to mind others ostracizing her, it’s easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid she’s bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leader… There’s one istanxe of her caring actually, and it’s about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laios’ said it and as I rambled Laios’ words are her world, but actually it’s ambiguous. It’s only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, there’s no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other hand…

Her Adventurer’s Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falin’s struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesn’t like being called cute over it, but that’s not how she wants people to see her. She doesn’t want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.

Here’s a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts don’t seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe it’s more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didn’t keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be ‘troublesome’. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.

And on the topic of appearances… A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurer’s Bible profile) it’s just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."

Imo the thing is, I don’t think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for others’ sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but that’s not personality wise it’s needs and wants wise. And I do feel like that’s the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesn’t know what she wants because everything she’s done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesn’t change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesn’t ask things from people and doesn’t hope for more, hope for better. I don’t think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her it’s less ‘appearing stoic to fit in more’ and more ‘yeah i’ll just chill until I’m needed or something activates my enthusiasm’. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you can’t be useful the next best thing is being convenient."

And speaking of passivity… I want to speculate about Shuro’s proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we don’t know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuro’s proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I don’t think it was as simple as ‘she wanted to say yes for convenience’. Logically it’s what would have been best, but it’s not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesn’t think she’ll get proposed to again, it’s that self-effacing tendency that yes it’d be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isn’t in it, because if it’s convenient then that’s more important than her feelings on the matter. Man also… Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldn’t get with Shuro, but imagine how Falin’s whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.

AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much she’s master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but she’s for sure there & influencing the dragon’s action to some degree. Having a dragon’s foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but there’s Falin calling out to her brother Laios, there’s the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly there’s the Adventurer’s Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that it’s her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, it’s interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, she’s described as Thistle’s guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so I’ll reign myself in and just mention it again. She’s still at the heel of someone, only now it’s someone who doesn’t care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that it’s suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think that’s part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isn’t unlike the care she gives the ghosts.

Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.

But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc we’ve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "I’ll lay down my life for you" point? I’m so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isn’t it cool?" gestures of showing things to her… It’s the only way she knows to ask, or maybe it’s the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same time… I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. I’d usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but there’s a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.

Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo important… Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didn’t mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you haven’t seen each other in a while or when they’re alone, and yes there’s potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin won’t be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same way… I hope I’m making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they don’t know if that’s allowed, if they’re going about the social interaction the right way, if they’re allowed to ask that out of someone…

Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didn’t see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falin’s actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldn’t see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course she’d see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).

A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcille’s world, Laios’ is at the center of Falin’s, and I tend to agree.

It’s fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course there’s how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but there’s how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.

I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think there’s an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I don’t really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. ‘If you die do it somewhere where I can’t see’ style’ interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I don’t vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isn’t needlessly against ghosts. And Falin’s sudden mace hits are fun to me too because it’s not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whatever’s needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.

I’m working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falin’s dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laios’ is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.

Conclusion

Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.

Tldr: Falin doesn’t care all that much, she’s very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesn’t really care because that’d require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but it’s more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: she’s canonically very genuinely kind, but it’s more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. She’s passive, and softspoken because that’s just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the ol’ mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. She’s shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but there’s also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. There’s a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falin’s case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.

She’s sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and that’s it don’t hope for more don’t ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how she’s not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)

Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.

-

I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it

That’s it, ty for reading. Even if it’s a bit of a mess, hopefully you’ll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.

Here’s my spotify playlist for her if you’d like

Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-love’s important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.

[timelesslords]

I legitimately think about padawan Dooku saying “every Jedi is a child his parents decided they could live without” to Yoda at least five times a week and I go insane about it every single time

[itspileofgoodthings]

one of my favorite things about pride and prejudice is that in the last third of the book Elizabeth’s internal monologue about Darcy is her admitting that she’s in love with him but also putting all sorts of qualifications around that statement that kind of ...tamp down the level of emotion (the “feelings, if not as tender as Jane’s for Bingley, at least as just” line, even the whole thing about her and Darcy being well-matched objectively speaking) and as soon as she’s engaged you get the unbridled joy in the narrative about her own joy, cc: “I am happier even than Jane; she only smiles, I laugh.” 

[dreamsy990]

hi i wanted to draw my own au so have a snippet of scene i rewrote like 12 times and will likely rewrite again

[krikidilly]

In truth hes very proud of Senjuro for always trying so hard.. eventually he'll manage to say it out loud.

[ronkeyroo]

Also just a little disclaimer for anons - Please don't be rude with requests, yo?

Amongst the many lovely ones I received regarding me drawing new Skyrim content, i got a few rude ones demanding art like i owe it to them personally; Gave me a bit of a stink eye and a grimace. Keep that entitlement away from this place of tenderness and whimsy that we share, alright? Good