#idk i was student teaching and very emotional at the time maybe i missed something and read it wrong

[itspileofgoodthings]

one of my favorite things about pride and prejudice is that in the last third of the book Elizabeth’s internal monologue about Darcy is her admitting that she’s in love with him but also putting all sorts of qualifications around that statement that kind of ...tamp down the level of emotion (the “feelings, if not as tender as Jane’s for Bingley, at least as just” line, even the whole thing about her and Darcy being well-matched objectively speaking) and as soon as she’s engaged you get the unbridled joy in the narrative about her own joy, cc: “I am happier even than Jane; she only smiles, I laugh.” 

[saitolover]

🐱 jumin’s route thoughts!

note that it’s been a few days since ive completed these endings / dlc so my memory might be a bit shaky of the entirety of them. i have some screenshots to go off of but that’s it lol. these are just some of my random thoughts and such that i have about jumin’s route when coming back after many years into the game again.

the reason i originally chose specifically to do jumin’s was because 1. i only have time for one route due to college, & 2. i remembered that he and zen were my favs back then. originally i was going to also write about the bad ending 2 & dlc but i lazy! lmao.

tldr; this is just my personal thoughts as i went through jumin’s route, feel free to add / comment anything. ^_^ i talk a lot about his character/past/actions, kinda like an analysis but not really since i am a dumbass & might be incorrect about some things. but in conclusion, jumin is very Complex character and can have some 🚩 tbh but he is very much still my little scrumgus i love jumin So Much. <3 he needs some tlc, a big hug, and also therapy. past me had great taste.

long thoughts under the cut! spoilers ahead for jumin’s route & slight spoilers for his bad ending/dlc.

📱COMMON ROUTE

just wanted to say, it was extremely nostalgic to open up the game again after many years! i first started playing in 2016 (!!) but probably played again during quarantine in 2020ish (cannot remember). i came back in honestly not knowing ANYTHING about what would happen in jumin’s route. my memories are extremely shaky abt the game other than the main plot points involving v, rika, seven, & saeran. but my knowledge still was kinda low lol.

v’s birthday art is super pretty btw!! loved the homescreen image of it. the max speed feature is very nice, i probably should buy it since it’s only $3 but oh well. maybe if im really into the game? anyways, chatting in the messenger again is so weird lol it’s such a throwback and i definitely missed these guys’ shenanigans. literally zen complimenting himself so much was hilarious for some reason?? 😭 yoosung being a relatable college student, me feeling so bad for jaehee <3 girl does not deserve to be overworked like this all the time ?!?! and jaehee also complimenting zen’s looks as well as being his biggest fan LMAO. seven doing seven things (do not need to explain further). and jumin being the more serious and cold guy who also loves his cat and doing whatever he wanted sometimes. and saying random shit HAHA. which is sometimes a personality i would like in otome games (See: Saito). so im here like hm, i think i see why past me liked jumin! he probably warmed up to the mc and got really cute and romantic or something? and not at the way everyone kept on saying jumin might be “androgynous” LIKE you guys. do you mean aromantic or ???

📱 JUMIN’S MAIN ROUTE

okay first of all: sorry in advance if theres some random gaps between what im writing/events im talking about. idk i only have some screenshots to work off of and what i remember with my bad memory? but moving on, here’s my thoughts as i went on with jumin’s route.

okay, so glam choi and sarah are a thing in the story now. jumin is just annoyed - seems like he’s only encountered women who try to take advantage of him / only try to speak with him as if theyre wanting to get something in return, like money, as i believe the story framed? and how he was genuinely sad about his father trying to make him get into a marriage, especially because he was one of the only ones who had treated him with “love” in a way where he wasnt having a relationship where an exchange or reward would always be expected. his past with his mother (which i will might talk about more eventually) also shows how jumin has been raised to be more methodical and just. like a robot honestly, raised with no love and any time to express his emotions after being so… emotionless? he was never really taught that feeling, and ig it could be difficult to “teach” if he’s never really experienced much love or time to find times where he could be happy, sad, etc. etc. when he’s at home all the time surrounded with expectations and studies to prepare to become a ceo. okay kinda went off and mentioned the dlc anyways, but whatever. there’s a lot more to jumin’s character, which makes him complex imo and although i dont think i’ll be able to cover everything, just wanted to say that there’s been a lot going on for him, but it still cant completely excuse his actions at times!

and please note this is just my opinion on a fictional character, i would be glad to hear any thoughts anyone reading this has <3 this is a little personal analysis/thought post and there could (and could be a high chance) that i am wrong about some things! :] so take what i say with a grain of salt bc tbh im writing this all in one try and probably wont reread what i have, mainly a big fat ramble / word dump here!

i remember lowkey being confused about how fast mc & jumin’s relationship escalated at first bc it went from yeah just casually chatting in the casual route to everyone saying that mc has been the one causing jumin to smile more, to speak out more openly about his actual emotions for once, etc. but im not complaining, i still loved how jumin would say he would call mc just to hear their voice, saying it would calm him down and feel better. and other stuff along those lines. also why is his deep voice so hot.

biggest and greatest shoutout to jaehee being the best employee ever??? like, she’s been working overtime ALL THE TIME, doing extra work for jumin like researching about the scandals, having to reschedule things after jumin acts unreasonable 💀 while trying to keep everything in order. she deserves a raise, a promotion, a break, a vacation. like, i am picking every option that is defending her or telling her to take a break or that she’s doing great!!! i love jaehee and i hate to see how she never gets rest or food :[ not healthy, i was SO GLAD that she was able to finally get a vacay at the end of jumin’s route, but now im like, girl deserves to quit honestly if she was constantly treated like that at work 😭 which im glad it what happened in her route, which also makes me want to play her route next but i have no time. and now i will shut up and continue writing.

okay, so i remember i was kinda loving jumin again at this point lol. i remember just liking how he became more romantic & the times where he would be jealous. a lot of the phone calls he had were also great, and it was cute that he made pancakes for breakfast, & how he read a bedtime story like. pretty cute stuff!

LMAO and then i was like hm the red flags are kinda showing! but i am a bull and i love chasing red flags! jumin wanting mc to only look at him - you got it sir. possessive jumin! the kiss scene was surprising - honestly very unexpected bc he just kissed mc so randomly ??? at least he said that he was originally thinking of asking mc for permission or something like that? but yeah soap opera scene that i was like hm. then he was like “you can suck in all my emotions. you can be mine.” and i was like. oh. elizabeth’s disappearance is REALLY gonna make a difference here, huh. for the first time, jumin realized that he never really had someone like mc before? jk, he had rika and v with him back then where he was also open to them, but i feel like the biggest thing was how vulnerable jumin was atm? like, he’s in this fight with his father, who he had always been close to. rika and v are both not around to consult with. elizabeth had gone missing. he was beginning to refuse to listen to rta members and instead begin to protect who he had left, similar to the way he had described how he felt better after seeing elizabeth in a cage as opposed to when she was walking freely. he definitely needs to speak to a therapist himself. but without support from others, it probably was what he saw as one of the only solutions he can turn to? this was the first time he’s started to really open up and speak about his feelings bc he’s always just. never had a chance to be able to express them or be able to explain them ?! never really was taught these things, though it seems like he was also aware that it wasn’t right. lots of things going on showing that yeah, he definitely was not doing okay emotionally in the first place, pretty much!

this is kinda getting long now?? and im a bit lazy to continue writing so much more, so ill stop rambling too much and cover more. the way jumin was getting extremely possessive too was worrying like 🫢🚩 he really said we have everything in this penthouse! stay here forever and ill protect you from the outside world and its dangers! let me own you! and i was like sure, take me away when i did the bad ending. sorry for indulging ? BUT DAMN it was very unsettling to see him say that he would OWN mc like ??? ayo what!

and then all the rfa members were like ah. hopefully jumin is having a Very Healthy And Normal relationship as they speak in the chat room. while jumin and mc enjoy a nice dinner with jumin speaking about how great it would be for mc to stay home and try on all the things he had for her while never returning to the apartment! day 2 with jumin on his home - any way out? who knows! zen rlly was like. GET MC OUT OF THERE.

everything that happened in jumin’s route was just ESCALATING 📈📈📈 okok but from my screenshots, it begins to show how jumin is like. Yeah. i am pretty Bad and Dark for doing this and having all these thoughts that he doesn’t really know how to address ? emotions that he’s never had before coming out like hello! and he’s like, wtf do i do with you guys? he’s having a hard time out here. very open to mc who is, atm, the only one who could help him sort out his emotions & depending on the choices you choose, could really determine what jumin ends up doing with his emotions and how much he can control them? and like, mc can either feed into a more healthy relationship where jumin begins to feel like he does deserve love and that these feelings might stem from how little he felt in the past. or mc could feed into a much harmful/toxic relationship as seen in the bad ending. !!! very interesting huh. also shows how much jumin has begun to depend on mc after everything that happened in these last like. two days.

now im like 💀 this is the most ive ever written for a review so far yet, i literally just dumped out some random thoughts i had on 4 hours of sleep, and i should def be sleeping rn!! but it’s okay!! sorry if i wrote anything that doesn’t make sense in these last paragraphs ??? i wont cover the seven and yoosung at mint eye hq to save time/space.

on a more light hearted note: yay!!! jaehee finally gets her vacation!!! jaehee gets justice!!! also watching zen and jumin bicker in the chat room is honestly one of the most hilarious things in this game. jumin in the chat room with mc plus another member usually ends up with the member becoming a third wheel and also very annoyed when jumin and mc are like i miss you <3 you’re so cute <3 ily <3 and every single rfa member is absolutely begging them to just privately message each other at this point lmao. AND NOT @ JUMIN HAVING THE WHOLE MARRIAGE THEME GOING ON HIS RFA ACCOUNT???! 😭😭😭 but i would happily marry jumin. so yeah at this point it was pretty much guaranteed i was getting the good ending, didnt get the bad ending during the route so we are here with jumin being very romantic in the chat room! 🫢

💙 JUMIN’S GOOD ENDING

homestretch! we made it to day 11 of the party!! the new home screen again is sooo cute. i didn't know they changed it up when it's party day! also looking at everyone, realized that jumin is So Cute. i love his looks. just a very handsome guy. love him for that. i am going to make this extremely short because i am now tired of doing all of this analysis and deep thinking. i want to make funnies of jumin and my headcannons of him now. scrumgus. i don't even know if that's the right word i'm thinking of but the energy scrumgus gives describes my love for jumin yay! it was nice seeing the rfa meet mc for the first time in person, and it was also great that the entire party was voiced! it felt weird hearing them talk tbh its like. i only know their voices from their little emojis. and the occasional phone calls. okay but that is getting off track. loved how dramatic jumin was for this party. he invited glam choi and sarah, and had this Great Big Speech that sarah was totally in love with, and instead it ended up being about mc. lmaooo. i cannot remember but was jumin the one who chose mc's dress? or am i just remembering wrong? idk. i also need to read the after ending (after forgetting that it existed for a second!)

🐱 FINAL CONCLUSION

wow. jumin's route was definitely a very big and twisty roller coaster. i wish i had completed the common routes before replaying jumin's route again just to be able to see and compare how emotionally open jumin was in his route compared to in other routes? like, we get a glimpse of just your everyday business jumin in the common route, but idk. i just wish i got screentime(?) of everyone in general too!

i love jumin a lot. after living his life filled with these expectations of being a ceo. being the perfect employee (which i also found interesting to hear about how everyone had admired/looked up to him at work. he's definitely skilled at what he does, and he barely mentions anything about that himself!) and then the way he began to actually open up? love that for him.

i love jumin a lot actually. and it was pretty nice for me to look over and think about everything after completing his route in general. even though my memory is garbage (tbh had to heavily rely on the screenshots i took), i liked being able to take the time to kinda add in my thoughts on everything while i typed this all out. literally did not do any thinking at all. i have no brain or patience for that and i rarely write this big ass essays or whatever this ended up becoming??? nice change. idk if i'll ever do this again, not my style and i had to force myself to finish this. also am Nervous of posting this T_T. but yeah! i love jumin. i am a jumin stan. and again, if anyone would like to correct me or add on to anything that i have written here, that would be very cool with me! review that got pretty rushed in the end is finally done hooray!

[variousqueerthings]

About Daniel & Miyagi & Grief’n’Stuff

I commented underneath this awesome gifset that paralleled KK3 and Cobra Kai about some interesting depth of feeling that so far has only been hinted at in the latter in relation to Daniel. 

Lots of people are watching the tv show first and either going back to watch the films (like I’ve done) or deciding to get the story purely from CK, so there’s a small tangent where I mention that I think it’s some pretty cool writing that means depending on what you’ve watched when you understand the story differently, which is just neat meta storytelling (there’s Daniel’s side, there’s Johnny’s side, and there’s the truth).

Spoilers for the Karate Kid movies (but they’re 30 years old, go watch’em)

I mainly focused that little comment on Cobra Kai and Daniel’s trauma, which never really seemed to be about Johnny himself, but rather his presence bringing back unpleasant Cobra Kai memories, but there’s something else I found having watched the three movies after watching the show and it’s sort of related to that and sort of related to Miyagi and sort of related to Daniel’s need to honour his memory perfectly - mainly it’s that Daniel probably needs help processing some grief and guilt + some Moments from those movies that I hope to see in coming seasons.

when I was watching the show (even with a knowledge of the trajectory of the films) I had a sense of Daniel as an avid student of Miyagi’s whose life was deeply affected by his presence in it. Clearly emotionally attached to him and his teachings, but still very much in a mentor/student space, with an allegory of fatherhood attached to it - this did start shifting in season 3 after Daniel returned to Okinawa, but there were still some pieces missing that I needed to actually see their interactions to get.

After watching the movies, I now understand that Daniel was actually very textually Miyagi’s adopted son in everything but name (and that he probably feels like he’s failed him and can never make things right, because he’s dead now and that’s yet another interesting parallel with Johnny in terms of his mother) and that makes every decision he makes in relation to Miyagi slot into place in a much more heart-breaking way.

 - the intensity of his devotion to his teaching style (even though it’s not actually a natural fit to his own temperament and in some ways might be a detriment - there’s a not-quite-tangent here about how combining elements of that style with elements of Johnny’s is what both of them need), his bitterness about Cobra Kai (in tandem with the events of the third movie), his not-at-all Miyagi-like response to the attack on the dojo and theft of Miyagi’s medal of honour, his emotions upon returning to Okinawa, even the more “slanted towards a bit of humorous white people don’t get appropriation” stuff like the scene with the fish and Kyler etcetc. (Although idk how Miyagi would feel about the karate-ads)

Miyagi was his father. Not just a father-adjacent, or a metaphor for fatherhood, no, he just straight up considered Daniel to be his son. And that sentiment was returned. No wonder Daniel’s emotionally compromised when it comes to anything that might tarnish his memories of him.

There are a few scenes in particular that I’m interested in whether they’ll show - 

1. First movie Miyagi gets drunk and speaks to Daniel about his past - while he was fighting in WWII winning his medal of honour, his wife died while pregnant in an internment camp, because she didn’t have access to a doctor (which... there is so much within that little piece of backstory). Daniel tucks a now sleeping Miyagi in and studies the medal, realising that his presence means as much to Miyagi as Miyagi’s does to him. He bows in respect before leaving for the night.

2. Second movie (while they’re building a room for Daniel to stay in at Miyagi’s instead of going with his mum to Fresno, which is unbearably cute. We see him living in it in the third movie) Daniel makes a frame for the medal of honour as a gift - Miyagi isn’t exactly dismissive, but there’s that overtone of how it connects to one of the most painful moments of his life. Still, he’s happy that Daniel took the time to do this for him, even while using it as another teachable Moment about bravery. - in the third movie the frame (same frame as in the tv series) is hanging on Miyagi’s wall.

3. Later on, while they’re in Okinawa, Miyagi’s father dies and he goes to sit at a spot that looks over the sea to mourn him. Daniel finds him there and sits down with him, telling him about his own father’s death, about how he felt guilty as a son that he couldn’t do more for him, but the most important thing was that he was there, held his hand, and said goodbye (cries for the 100th time).

4. Third movie. Before realising that Silver has deliberately manipulated him Daniel’s basically suffering a mental breakdown, comparing himself to a very special Bonsai tree that had earlier been destroyed, describing himself as “broken and twisted” - Miyagi takes him into the garden to show him that he fixed the tree and tells Daniel that he has strong roots and I... cry...

5. In general during the third movie we see Daniel pushing Miyagi away several times (one time after which Miyagi is standing alone with tears in his eyes, fuck ooooffff), because he thinks he’s let him down, while Miyagi is just worried. For his son. And yeah, we have them training again and replanting the fixed Bonsai tree and there’s a sort-of catharsis in that, but it never feels like the core of Daniel’s anxieties in that film are dealt with in the text. 

We know the Bonsai Tree Shop (which Daniel gave his college fund for and was meant to be Miyagi’s retirement) failed. We know that he was terrified of Silver until the end. We know he was beaten half to hell, even if he did win his match in the end. We don’t know what happened to Silver or Barnes. We know that Kreese is back and that Silver at least is likely about to come back.  

Daniel towards the end of that movie feels like he failed Miyagi and the show hasn’t really stated whether or not that feeling ever went away - from the clues so far, I’d say not. 

Quite apart from the fact that the acting in these is fucking stellar (the first of them earned Pat Morita his oscar nod and the third is just... wow. Probably my favourite out of all of the scenes in the franchise), they speak so much to the depth of their relationship and respect for one another and to the theme of parenthood and chosen family that the series later expands upon. 

In a story of terrible fathers, Miyagi was a great one, and with Cobra Kai back - and likely to get worse from here on out - the lack of Miyagi’s presence weighs pretty damn heavily on Daniel, especially if he never dealt with any of these things - of course, now he has Amanda and Johnny, if only he’d ask (Manifests For Season Four). 

The series has so far skewed more towards Johnny, which makes a lot of sense, since there were more unknowns about him to play with going in and it’s at first about building him into the more fully-realised character that Billy Zabka had in his head (+ he’s delightful), but with Terry Silver almost definitely coming into the picture, and Daniel and Johnny finally in the position to really start maybe sharing more of their inner selves with each other, I just really really hope that we get to see these moments as framings for Daniel’s story, not just for Johnny’s perspective of him to start opening up, but so the audience can see and/or remember where Daniel’s coming from. 

This show is very good at deciding when we get to see whose perspective and  the creators are interested in exploring more of that aftermath + have used the medal of honour within the plot already + love Silver as a villain, so all of this is my vague... not really prediction, more of an excitement. 

Daniel’s journey is partially one of realising that Miyagi was always proud of him and that the lessons he taught him mean he’ll always be there to protect him, and I’m just excited for Daniel to understand that.

He’s not as alone as he thinks he is.

[welcometothemxdhouse]

Lectures

Hello again wow me writing two things in one week? shocking!

Anyways this is something i promised my boo @feedthemadness-sweetie​ as a result of us considering what Chilton would be like as a professor...so i hope you like it :)

I might write a part 2 i don’t know...maybe...also this is gender-neutral.

WARNINGS: none really...oh this is insanely unprofessional and a bit fucked up so idk lmao don’t kiss your professors. 

Gif by: @prurientpuddlejumper​ ❤

You were sat in the uncomfortable, plastic chair pulling out your laptop when the door to the lecture hall opened. The tapping of a metal cane against the floor made every student in the room fall silent. Your professor, Doctor Chilton, wasn’t exactly known for his patience and hospitality when it came to teaching and his entire demeanour just signalled he believed himself to be far superior to anybody else who could possibly arrive in his classroom. It was for this reason that students tended to avoid the doctor as much as possible, keeping their heads down with only the occasional snarky comment about his thousand dollar suits or his arrogant approach to teaching. You, however, were slightly infatuated with Doctor Chilton.

You watched from over your screen as Chilton strode across the hall and settled behind his desk.

“If you stare any longer you’re gonna burn a hole into his back”

You turned to your right to see your best friend settling into their seat, only slightly startled out of your daydream. They were smirking at you as you shifted uncomfortably and muttered “I wasn’t staring.”

“Sure you weren’t, kid, sure you weren’t” they laughed, twisting in their chair to see who had actually bothered to turn up to the lecture. As you did the same you noticed a few people whispering pointedly in Doctor Chilton’s direction, which caused a small knot to form in your stomach. You knew there was no way he wasn’t aware of the things people said about him.

The lecture went by as slowly as ever-the clock seemed to enjoy playing tricks on you when you were most desperate to get home. Your final exams were looming over the horizon and you were more than stressed about their presence. When at last Doctor Chilton decided he had tortured you all enough he dismissed everyone to mutters about him running over time and being a pretentious asshole. You stood up, stretched your legs and quickly packed your things back into your bag to keep up with your best friend-who was equally in need of a very strong coffee before your next class.

“Y/N”, you paused, “i would like to speak to you please.”

You turned on your heels, letting go of the door handle after your friend had passed through with the promise to pick up your coffee order for you and bring it to the seminar you had in 10 minutes. You walked towards your professor’s desk and stood, aimless and clueless, on the other side as he began gathering his own belongings and raised a finger in a wait motion. With his focus elsewhere you allowed yourself a few seconds to take in his look. He was wearing dark three-piece suit with a white shirt. His hair was gelled back and his stubble was well-kept. In fact the only indication of any personality or life story behind the layers of expensive fabrics and grooming products was the circular scar on his cheek that was partially covered by poorly-applied concealer. Most people knew how the infamous Doctor Frederick Chilton got his scar and your mind screamed with how much you wanted to run your thumb over it and reassure him he had no reason to hide it. The grating sound of the chair being pushed backwards pulled you from your daydreams. When he stood up you didn’t miss the way his eyes dragged themselves up your form. You would never admit it to yourself, (or anyone else for that matter), but you had developed just a small habit of making yourself look a little more presentable on the days you knew you had a lecture with Doctor Chilton. You had left the classic stressed and sleep-deprived student style behind and substituted it for the clothes that clung to your form a little tighter and highlighted your assets-much to the joy of your best friend who took delight in laughing at you for the fact. 

“Can I help you, sir? you asked, still unsure as to why you were made to stay behind.

“You are aware that your exams are soon, yes?” He said, more as a statement than a question, as he began to round his desk to stand in front of you. You were slightly offended he would even ask that considering it was the only thought consuming your mind for the past month. 

“Yes sir?”

“And you believe you are ready for them?”

You thought about this for a second and wondered if anybody could ever really be ‘ready’ for exams. But you had studied hard and you knew your own abilities.

“I hope so, sir” 

Doctor Chilton stepped forward so he was now within touching distance of you. You took a nervous, deep breath and god he smelt so good. You ran your hand through your hair and pulled your bottom lip between your teeth-both nervous habits but ironically convenient for the current situation-and looked into the hazel eyes of the man stood in front of you. You opened your mouth to ask him, again, why you were there but he quickly interrupted you:

“Do you think I don’t notice the way you stare at me?”

You stumbled on your breath, dumbfounded and confused, and tried to think of something to say. Right in that moment the only thing your brain could conjure was: SHIT! Before you had the chance to comprehend what was happening he rested his cane against the front of his desk and stepped forward again. His hand reached towards your waist before stopping and hovering between the two of you. His eyes flickered down to your lips and back up again.

“Can I?” He whispered.

Your hand left its place on your bag and wrapped your fingers gently around his wrist, pulling his hand towards you until it settled on your hip. A simple, muttered “Yes” was all it took before the doctor plunged forwards and captured your lips with his. The kiss was everything you had dreamed of, (and you definitely had dreamed on more than one occasion). His lips were soft and you tasted the strong coffee he had been drinking as your tongue explored his mouth. His other hand slid up your neck and tangled itself in your hair and he smiled against your mouth as you moaned louder than you had intended at the light tug he gave on the back of your head. He began to spin you until your lower back was resting against his desk and tilted your head so he could trail kisses down your jaw and your neck. He listened to your heavy breaths and quiet whimpers with a smug smile and a growing tightness in his trousers. After a few seconds, you reached up to rest your hands on his chest and reluctantly pushed him gently away, out of breath and slightly shocked. You wanted nothing more than to let him bend you over that stupid desk and leave with the feeling of his release sliding down your thighs. You shivered at the thought.

“I have a seminar, sir” you sighed. You enjoyed the way his eyes darkened momentarily at the nickname you had adopted for him and you made a mental note to remember it. He grabbed his cane from the desk beside you and rested his weight on it so he could stand upright. His chest heaved and his eyes drifted to the floor. He almost looked sad...or embarrassed. You would find out later that he believed that the kiss had changed your mind and you had decided he wasn’t what you wanted-even the thought of it would break your heart. You grabbed your long-forgotten bag with one hand and fixed your hair with the other, completely unsure of what to do or say now. Of course you didn’t want this to be a one-time thing but you were also starkly aware that not only had he only acknowledged your interest in him, he was also your goddamn professor. 

“I...I’ll see you next week...i guess?” You stammered, backing slowly towards the door. You were already late for your seminar and he knew that too, so there was little point in faking a rush. Doctor Chilton’s stare bore heavy into you with an emotion you couldn’t quite interpret and you almost turned away and ran, until he spoke just as you reached the door:

“My office hours are 2PM to 4PM, if you’d like to drop by?”

It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out that you’d take him up on the offer. 

[ao3gingerswag]

hello ms swag quick question: what is the sleeping arrangement like in the inn when the boys are older? I can imagine sam sleeping in front of the fire now when he's a smol child is fine, however I can't quite imagine it as well when he's hit his growthspurt and is more adulty. or maybe I can? idk I was just wandering if u had any ideas :)

also hello! I haven't sent a proper ask in so long! I've missed it! I'm sorry everything is so busy and stressful in your life rn :( do you think it will calm down out all? also delayed reaction to the fact ur school just casually didn't have a science curriculum??? at all???? is just missing certain aspects of education common in america?? I guess over here I've taken for granted the fact we have a national curriculum. but still. wow. that shocked me. that being said - very proud of u for making said curriculum ms first year teacher! I don't know if others have said how extraordinary that is, I'm sure they have, but imma say it as well! u are doing very very well and I hope ur acknowledging and appreciating that 😌

anyways lil rant over now I'm due for a nice sleep bc I have exams coming up and I am s t r e s s

Hey @hooomdooom !!! Ack, by the fact that it took me 3 days to answer this u can probably guess that work hasn’t really settled down lol. Idk, it’s pretty crazy, I’ll figure it out eventually I guess…we have science “standards” in NY state but it’s not a curriculum, just stuff they want us to teach in 5th grade, it’s pretty vague. My school had no lesson plans or units or anything, and floated the idea of not teaching science or social studies for 5ty grade at all in favor of another math period…which is illegal but no one is checking so who cares right 😞 which is Very Bad because yesterday my (10 and 11 year old) students were like hmm I wonder if they have the same moon in China as they do in America 🤔🤨🧐 which prompted me to tell them the moon goes around the earth, which they didn’t know. And that the earth goes around the sun, which they didn’t know either :/// anyway!!!!

In regards to ur actual question!! For a long time but Sam and dean sleep by the fire because they’re very nervous and anxious about being separated again can’t handle sleeping in a bed especially with another person. Over time though as he starts to trust cas more goes upstairs in the night time when he has a nightmare and then he stays there with cas 🥺 Slowly that becomes more and more frequent u til it’s happening not just when he has a nightmare and then over time that just becomes their sleeping arrangements, with dean upstairs in the bed with cas, and Sam by the fire downstairs.

In terms of when Sam grows up, I haven’t totally decided, but I think maybe they build another room for him and possibly eventually Eileen as well! Or maybe they just clear some other room out, that held storage or something. Maybe it’s a whole emotional thing, maybe cas finally gets rid of a bunch of his dad’s old things 😭😭 in favor of making room for the people who are alive and in his life now, like sam 😭😭 like that scene in up!!! Where he throws out all the old crap out of his house so it can lift up again and he can go find the kid!! With the soundtrack called “memories can weigh you down” that always makes me almost cry!!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0CzTetpGBi8

[parachutingkitten]

Season 5 Analysis

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I am going to be applying the concept of criticism to a TV show you presumably love and adore as much as I do. If you do not want your idea that the show is immaculate to be challenged, I would not advise reading past this point.

Additional Disclaimer: This includes criticism of Nya’s arc, so if you’re the type of person to get catty about this subject, turn back now.

Mood for this season: It’s spoopy time.

You don’t need to, but if you are interested, and haven’t seen my analysis of past seasons, you can find those here:

Pilot - Season 1 - Season 2 - Season 3 - Season 4

You can also find all of these, and future installments, on my blog using the tag #analysis 

Hey everyone! I’m still doing these things! Let’s see, when was my last one? Over two years ago...? Yikes, I owe y’all an apology. I really didn’t mean to put these off that long. Anyway, get ready to hate me, cuz although (for the most part) this seems to be the fandom favorite season… I think it’s overhyped. I know, don’t kill me. I’ll explain myself. I don’t think it’s bad or anything, it’s very well structured, but I definitely wouldn’t rank it among my favorites. First, for a little context, I am making a one second of every ninjago episode video right now, so I’ve been binging the series and all it’s shorts back to back, so I think I’ll have a bit more to say about connective tissue between seasons, and hopefully you guys can look forward to more of these analyses between now and the new year when I’m releasing that video. I’m also officially a film major now so… sorry if I come of as extra pretentious or get too deep. Anyway, let’s jump into the thick of it, shall we? 

Plot

This is probably the area I have the fewest number of complaints about. This season has a breakneck pace and it keeps everyone busy. I think that’s why people like it. Everyone’s favorite has something to do. Which brings me to the question… which ninja’s season is this? Lloyd is on a lot of the promotional stuff, but he’s possessed and out of the picture for over half the season, so that can’t be right. Cole turns into a ghost, and the season is a ghost season, but that can’t be right cuz I don’t know that I’ve ever heard anyone claim it was his. Nya reaches her true potential, maybe it’s hers? Well, she does have a large b-plot, but she is consistently not a part of the a-plot. Kai has a whole thing with being protective of Lloyd, he has his fear of water, maybe it’s just another Kai season? Thing is, it’s no one’s. It is an ensemble season, and I think that’s a healthy thing for ninjago to keep doing. The more we label certain seasons for certain ninja, the more complaining we’ll get about who’s turn it is for screen time that we’ll miss out on telling a good story. Also, If the season is focused on a ninja you don’t like, you are less likely to like the season (see my next analysis for that can of worms). Again, this season tells it’s story really well. Morro directly ties into the ending of last season, and Nya’s getting water powers was foreshadowed the season before. That’s some cool connective tissue to start. The opening episode establishes the three different things the ninja will be looking for, and for once they’re actual tools instead of a series of weapons, blades, masks, whatever. I like that. Jay has some really good humor, Zane has his speech changes, Kai has his irrational fears and protective instincts, Cole has his ghost angst, Lloyd has to deal with his father’s passing, Nya is a new water ninja, Wu has a shop to run and a student to reconnect with, even Ronin has an arc about developing morals and gaining friends. There’s the mystery about how to deal with the ghosts, what the rules are, there’s the leader subplot, the ninja’s money situation, and lore of the different realms, they even worked in Skylor and Borg, there’s a lot of cool stuff going on. This is a tightly woven script that manages to include a lot of new concepts that you get pretty quick. I don’t feel like there’s even that much fat to cut. The opening is a little slow and strange, and the cloud kingdom episode feels a little unnecessary, but I do like the idea of visiting a different realm early in the season so the audience isn’t caught off guard in the climax. Again, the plot all works for me, it’s the other stuff I find myself pretty meh on.

Characters

Ronin

I’m pretty sure Ronin is the only new (non villain) character introduced. I like him a lot. Ninjago needed a true wildcard to shake things up and be unpredictable. I also think he’s pretty nicely woven into the action of the plot. I think his introduction is a bit strange. Like, the ninja already know him, but we’ve never seen him before? Just the way they talk about him sounds like they’re quickly recapping who this guy is for those who missed previous episodes. It’s fine if the ninja already know him but either 1) Introduce or foreshadow him a season earlier or 2) Introduce their dynamic to the audience before it becomes plot relevant. Maybe the ninja are grumbling about him being a nuisance while tea shenanigans are going on or something. Or maybe you have a scene of him stealing the scroll and making snarky remarks about the ninja while he does it. Idk. just something so his sudden plot relevance isn’t out of nowhere. Also, I don’t hate his and Nya’s dynamic, but I know a lot of people love it, and I’m just not totally here for it. Is he supposed to be a father figure for her? Mentor? Frienemy? Just plain friend? (love interest???) it’s not super clear and I could have used some clarification. I also like his use and tie to the next season, so overall, well integrated character.

Nya

I’m adding in Nya here cuz she goes through a major character change, and how she’s handled is one of the things that rubs me the wrong way about the season. A lot of people will probably disagree and/or hate me for this section of the analysis so… here we go! The thing she has to get past to reach her true potential is fear of failure (supposedly) and the solution to that is to just… not care as much? First of all, I know this isn’t supper important, but the fun thing about the ninjago elements is that every elemental master matched up personality wise with their element. Jay is the energetic master of lightning, Kai is the hothead master of fire, Zane is the calm and calculating master of ice, Cole is the strong and dependable master of earth, Lloyd is the literal child master of energy. This especially goes for all the new season 4 masters. So what qualities are often associated with water personalities? Well, serenity, control, flexibility, elegance, patience… calm. You know, like a Zane type character (the element directly adjacent to hers). These are things that Nya isn’t - or at the very least don’t define her. (there’s also something to be said about water and its ties to more feminine qualities, which Nya has been actively shown to reject, but I won’t go into that rant here.) She was designed as the fire master’s sister, and when you try to fit a fire personality into a water shaped character mold… it doesn’t exactly mesh well. It doesn’t make sense. But, like I said, whatever. Maybe that’s the point? Like she has to change her personality to be more in tune with water? Sure. But let’s talk about this fear of failure thing. Because that’s the stated thing that dialogue tells us she needs to overcome. But when has Nya ever been afraid of failure? Fear of failure means avoiding doing something because of fear. Nya is ridiculously persistent, always has been (you know, fire personality). She tries training when no one tells her to, she makes her own alter ego to try and be a hero and save the people who would constantly tell her she wasn’t ready. Wu says she only wants things that come easy, but that’s never been her character before now, she has carried the team with her tech, research, and covert ops that no one forced her to do, all things which are not easy. Fear of failure is usually characterized by what if questions. If Nya is so afraid of failure, why don’t we hear her saying stuff like “but what if I’m not strong enough, what if I can’t save them in time, or worse, what if I lose control of my power and end up hurting people?” Cole shows much more of a fear of failure this season surrounding his insecurity about being a ghost. He wants to sit out from missions because he’s not sure he’ll be able to do it - he’s afraid of failure. But whatever, the writing isn’t clear at expressing her true setbacks, but she does display a real problem that a lot of people have and I think could have been well done if set up correctly. She shows an undying persistence that gets her too close, and makes her increasingly incapable. She lets her frustration hinder her progress (again, fire personality trait), and I think that’s interesting because I don’t think ninjago has done this character arc yet. The supposed solution to this problem is that she just needs to… care less? And yes, I kind of see where they were going with this, we sometimes cloud our natural potential by thinking about it too much, but saying “you need to stop caring” is the absolute wrong way to word it. Caring is not her problem, the problem is her control over the emotions that come from her caring. Caring is a good thing, and teaching kids that if you’re ambivalent about your problems, they’ll go away is not a good message. What she needs to do is take a step back. She needs to take a break, stop to think, and look at the big picture instead of hyper focusing on the roadblock directly in front of her. The usual and much better wording of the moral I think they were going for is “stop overthinking things”. Teaching kids to look at a problem from a different angle and give themselves time to cool down is a great thing. And just think of it, in the climax she could have this ah-ha moment where she steps back and looks at the bigger picture - the whole town, surrounded by the ocean - and gets the idea to sink the preeminent into the water, you could even easily tie that back into the bucket exercise, and that’s what triggers her true potential rather than the current… I’m honestly not sure what. Random flashbacks and the end of the season approaching quickly. Alternatively, you could tie it more directly into samurai x, and make her struggle with letting go of the past and allowing yourself to give up something good in your life to progress to something better. Anyway, I don’t think this was a bad decision long term, she needed to be solidified on the team as a full fledged ninja, I just think this season doesn’t handle the transition that well. Anyway, whatever, I’ll be waiting for your hate comments in the notes.

Romance

Um… there’s none this season? Like there’s a few Wusako moments that are still as weird as they were in season 2, but they’re really not prevalent. There’s also the Jay seeing the future thing which has some weird implications next season (again, some interesting connective tissue between seasons), but that’s about it. Maybe that’s part of why I don’t love this season? Like where’s the pixane? Lol, I’m kidding. But maybe that’s why a lot of people do like it. If you don’t like the canon ships… this is a nice little safe haven for you. Rare for a majority of the series.

Villains

So Morro is a good idea… in theory. I know he’s the fandom’s favorite edgy boy, but idk I think the brand of angsty teen they ended up with was more of an angsty 13 year old than 17 year old. His voice is really grating and I always want to yell at him to just… go get some cough drops. Stop throat screaming, use your diaphragm man! Also, everyone goes on about his last minute redemption, but as far as season 5 goes, he has like half a second of a change of heart. Literally, when Wu comes over and he’s drowning, he’s still being a persistent little idiot like “you never cared about me nooooo!” and it’s only at the last possible second that gives him the crystal, and even that he does it kind of saltily. The preeminent is pretty cool, I like her concept, her design, all that. All the other ghosts are fine I guess. Nothing super memorable out of them, although their aesthetic, especially when there’s a bunch of them swarming around is pretty cool. One last thing was I never understood how Morro “becoming the green ninja” worked and what exactly it was that… did for him? Like he didn’t actually get the power of energy, right? I don’t remember him using it. Did just him defeating Lloyd make him the green ninja? How does that transfer work? And why did he need it to take over the world or realms or whatever? Like I get that it’s supposed to give him more power and what not but idk, it wasn’t super clear. That’s a minor thing though.

Climax

Pretty cool. I like the ATMOSPHERE. Green light is a hard thing to use and justify correctly, but it works really well here, especially with the dark kinda gray blue sky complimenting it. When the preeminent starts walking into the ocean, it’s genuinely terrifying, but you understand exactly how it works and why she’s strong enough to do it. Nya’s true potential is again a little out of left field and could have had some better motivation put behind it. Like what is it Nya learned in that instant? To not be afraid to protect people? She’s… been doing that. Idk. I’ve hit on that enough for now. Overall, there was good variety. I like the green ninja fake out, I like the realm hopping, I even like the little Garmadon visit and Lloyd getting the robe. I feel like we didn’t need a part one and two, you could have had different titles. I mean come on. But hey, now we know, if Pix had only been there, the whole climax would have been wrapped up in like 10 minutes apparently. Pix for the win.

Humor

Really good. Like I’m surprised how much I laughed. Jay wasn’t annoying humor, it was good stuff, there were some good running gags, there’s a solid fourth wall joke about who the lead ninja is at the beginning of the season. Overall, I am pretty impressed. My favorite joke was perhaps the bit where Jay is sarcastically positive, the voice acting is just really solid. Then again, there’s also the whole Borg scene where he roasts half the ninja, that’s solid stuff right there. There’s just some really solid character interaction this season and the humor feels a lot more natural and less forced.

Drama

Okay, we’ve got a lot this season. Y’all know how I feel about Nya’s arc by now. It does not work for me. Ronin’s relationship with her is alright, but kind of comes out of nowhere. Ronin’s solo plot about kinda working for the ghosts works. Cole’s ghost angst works for the most part, although I wish he would have actually skipped a mission and then gone in to help save his friends once they can’t do it without him. That was probably the most solid drama of the season. The other main thing we have this season is Kai’s whole… fear/protective streak. This also doesn’t really work for me. Like, I get that Lloyd and Kai are friends and stuff, like his whole true potential was centered around Lloyd. But like, why does it have to be framed so weirdly? Sometimes in trying to make it seem like Kai is protective of him, it seems like the other ninja just like… don’t care about him? Not all the time, but there are some weird vibes. Also, it doesn’t really go anywhere. No one learns anything about themselves from this subplot, nothing comes of it, there isn’t really a payoff. Also, Kai has yet another irrational fear, this time of water, which really comes right the hell out of nowhere. They try to explain it away like “Oh, Kai feels powerless and so water can get to him” but like… what? That’s the exact situation he was in at the end of season 2 and he seemed perfectly content to literally swim across the ocean (which um… what do you mean the sworn protector of ninjago can’t swim?). Where is this coming from?! Again, it doesn’t really go anywhere, there’s not a point where he has to learn to confront it or he grows because of it. It’s just pointless stuff added cuz the writers like giving Kai vague trails to try and develop him. The cloud kingdom is kinda cool. That last minute twist about them working with Morro is… stupid and unnecessary though. 

Spotlight Episode

I really like the Spinjitzu master tomb episode. Some cool riddles, I like the first two rooms a lot. I do think the third room is a bit strange. Like, the clue was “don’t look ahead” and the solution was to look beneath them, which is the exact same solution as the previous room. Like, you already have magic ice that shows the future, why not play into that? Don’t look ahead could maybe mean don’t look to the future, the opposite of that being the past. Maybe they have to draw on their past adventures to solve it somehow? Learning from the past is a good lesson, right? But overall, I really like it. Some real solid humor this episode. This episode has the sarcastic Jay optimism, Kai totally stalling for time, Zane dealing a pretty sick burn on Cole, just a lot of fun stuff. I like it. It just has great energy and nothing feels like it’s drawn out for too long.

Misc

The aesthetic this season… can be inconsistent, but the main ghost vibe displayed in the opening theme is really solid and I really like it

Speaking of the opening, Ghost wip is great and the opening in on par with last season’s (which is my fav) for sure

Ice age references… okay.

Chima references…. OKAY...

Okay, but like Deepstone can… kill ghosts? Or not? Is it just something ghosts can touch? It’s supposed to be like water in weapon form, right? Like that’s how I understood it when they first introduced it. Wouldn’t the deepstone bars kill Ghoultar then? And then like, Cole’s bike is made of deepstone. He uses it as a weapon. Wouldn’t it kill him? It kills other ghosts when they touch it. How… how does it work?! I need answers!!!

The captain of the steam boat says they’re going as fast as possible, but later Ronin comes in and cranks it up like twice as fast… that always bothered me like, why would he lie about that? Who is this captain and why is he so chill about everyone’s lives?! And then later Wu cranks it up yet again, like the ship had slowed down to it’s previous speed. What the hell is happening with the controls of this ship???

So pissed that the nasty CGI nightmare cloud monster that chases the ninja is named Nimbus. Totally forgot about that. I have an OC with a cat named Nimbus… I promise, there is not going to be a stupid twist bout the cat being the monster thing in Mists of Fate. That would be very stupid.

I was all excited that season 13 gave us minecart chases, but I totally forgot season 5 gave us one first. I really like the return to the caves of despair btw, good reuse of a known location.

How many times this season did we do the: 

Kai: Oh, I don’t like water, I can’t do it uwu  Cole: ...You serious?

Thanks for reading! And if you got this far… I don’t know. I would love to hear your thoughts if you have any! These are just my opinions, so don’t think too much of it if you disagree.

-Kitten

[suntrastar]

abstract: chapter 1

chapter 2!!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Artist!Reader

Summary: Wait- Bucky Barnes attends your art class? And you didn’t even recognize him?

Word count: 7k (i am insane i know this!! you can also find this fic on ao3 !!)

Author’s note: hello! attempting to upload a fic on here for the first time ever! do i understand this website’s format. perhaps not. but am i going to try? perhaps yes! anyways hope you all like it :) likes and reblogs are very much appreciated!!! umm idk how this works if you wanna follow me you can?? do follows exist on tumblr dot com i think they do. hope they do. love you all. this is a long chapter buckle up (BUCKle up lmao i am not funny)!! enjoy ;o

“Hey, can you come look at this?”

You teach three classes a week- Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. The latter two are enjoyable in their own right, but Mondays are definitely your favorite. Instead of teaching kids, who are funny and creative but so messy, and so loud, you get to teach adults. People your own age or usually older, putting you in a position of authority, valuing your opinion, wanting you to come look at things.

It’s a delightful power trip.

You turn away from the window to see who’s speaking.

It’s Steve.

Of course it’s Steve, your star student, staring at you with a worn, weary intensity, wiping a paintbrush on a paper towel. He’s already pushed his sheet of paper across the table, bumpy with water and watercolor paint, cream-colored edges starting to curl. He leans away from it, reclining in a seat that’s adult-sized but dwarfed by his frame, looking so forlorn, like the paper just abandoned him, moved to the opposite side of the table by itself.

You stifle a laugh.

“Sure,” you say, and make your way over to his table.

Steve fidgets in his seat as you look at his painting. You try to keep your jaw in check.

It drops anyway.

As always, it’s beautiful. He’s painted a sky, swirling with purples and pinks, and careful clouds, flickering in and out between layers of paint, elegant and pale yellow-orange. And the sun- it’s off-center, and you’re sure it was unintentional, but that adds to the effect, because it’s hot red, and dazzling, and slowly seeping into the still-wet sky. Tendrils of red like real sunbeams, pushing through the clouds like a real sunset.

You don’t know why Steve even takes this class. Half the time, you feel like he should be the one teaching.

“It’s gorgeous,” you say eventually, once your words come back to you. “I love how you painted the sun- the red, oh my god. You’re seriously a natural.”

“Thank you,” Steve says, and you push the paper back towards him. He looks down at it, still tense, brow furrowed, and you almost laugh again, until he looks back up at you. “I wanted to know what you thought about it.”

Power trip.

“I love it,” you say, giving him a reassuring smile, which he hesitantly returns. You might be laying it on a little thick, but Steve still looks distressed, and you genuinely like the guy enough to try to help him.

When he walked in with his friend for the first class, you were floored. People like Steve don’t attend classes like this- classes like this are attended by regular people. Not people that walk like dancers, all grace and light steps, not people that are extraordinarily jacked, with jutting shoulders and rippling muscles, not people that have a weirdly authoritarian air around them, like a politician, but less shrewd.

Still, you welcomed them and made awkward small-talk and tried not to stare at their arms and hoped you came across as a somewhat decent person. It’s your first time teaching adults, you explained, and Steve gave you a smile so sincere and reassured you that you would do great, boosting your confidence to the point where you actually did.

Steve is lovely. He’s passionate about art and has a good eye, a better eye than you, really, and he always tries so hard with whatever he does, and he’s funny in a dorky way, and completely unaware of it. He always wears a baseball hat and tucks his shirts into his pants and called you ma’am once, and looked so surprised when you burst out laughing and told him to call you by your first name. With him, two classes have flown by, and now, during the third, he’s warmed up to you enough to talk to you like a friend.

The friend he brings with him, though?

A total douchebag.

The night to Steve’s day, the rain to his sunshine. It’s obvious that Steve brings him along as some sort of moral support, to make himself look less out of place, which is fine, except the guy always treats you like you’ve perpetually offended him.

And maybe you have, maybe one time you did something that’s worthy of his eternal dislike, but you wouldn’t know what it is, because he’s never brought it up, because he barely fucking talks.

You don’t think he’s a naturally quiet guy. He definitely looks like he has a lot to say, but no matter what, he only ever talks in single-syllable bursts, quiet enough that half the time you miss what he’s saying.

He doesn’t ignore you, either- he listens to everything you say and lets his judgement flicker over his face- which is way worse. A glare is a slight misstep, a shake of his head means that you’ve just said something that he finds stupid, a scowl is a catastrophe.

You don’t even know his name. He’s never introduced himself, and always writes his name in a shaky, illegible scrawl on the sign-in sheet, and by now you don’t care enough to look it up.

Still, you’re nice to him, polite. It’s okay if he doesn’t like you. You don’t need to be liked- being noticed is enough.

You shift away from Steve to his friend, sitting next to him at the table. He’s staring at you in a way that you can only describe as violent, and you flinch, and then plaster your smile back on.

“How’s it going?” You ask, expecting no response, stealing a glance at his paper. He’s painted the entire sheet a watered-down blue, and you want to congratulate him, for actually participating this time, but you don’t say anything. “The watercolors working out for you?”

Your heart goes out to the poor paintbrush in his hand. It’s barely been used, is steadily dripping water, and is being throttled in his gloved grip. He always wears one glove- it’s weird, but you’re not going to pry.

He catches you looking and a whole myriad of emotion plays over his face; irritation and shame, a creased brow and a scowl. You have the feeling that you’ve taken a massive overstep, even though you haven’t said anything else, even though you’re not looking at his hand anymore, just at him.

His hair hangs over his eyes, glossy and carelessly wavy, which you would find pretty, maybe, if he wasn’t looking at you the way he is. Like you’ve just done something terrible.

“Sure,” he says, and that’s it.

Even when you turn away, he’s glaring.

You hate it, so you pretend it’s not happening.

Steve gives you a sympathetic glance before you head back. You wave it off.

“Shonna,” you call, to the fiftysomething woman hunched over her painting a few tables down, “how’re the flowers looking?”

***

Thirty minutes before your fourth Monday class starts, you arrive at the studio to find Rina washing paintbrushes in the sink.

“Hey,” you call.

She turns to you and gives you a surprised grin. “Oh, hey! You’re here early- come help with these brushes.”

You set your bag on the counter by the wall and join her at the sink. You’ve known Rina for ages- ever since you were roommates in college. The class before yours is taught before, some advanced painting thing that she is extremely overqualified to teach.

She’s kind of famous. And kind of self-absorbed, and a little bit pretentious, but maybe that’s just what happens when you’re as successful in your field as she is. No matter what it is, you can’t complain- she’s the one that helped get you this job in the first place.

“A couple of people in my class like to get here early, so I just try to arrive before them,” you say. She passes you a clean paintbrush. You reach around her and tear off a paper towel from the dispenser. “Did you dye your hair? It looks so pretty.”

“Yes!” She shakes her head, letting her hair sway. Last time you met her, she had dyed it pink. Now it’s mahogany red, straight and sleek and falling just past her shoulders. She looks a little unreal. “How’s your class going? Are the people okay?”

“Yeah, most of them are pretty nice.”

She passes you another paintbrush to dry. You consider bringing up Steve’s friend, but decide against it.

“That’s good- and you’re welcome, by the way. But okay, listen. Do you remember that one guy I told you about a while back, Dustin? So yesterday I was just sitting at home, and then he texted me…”

With the formalities out of the way, she launches into a story about someone you definitely don’t remember. Still, you humor her, listen to what she has to say, chime in at the right parts and say “really?” and “no way!” too many times. The minutes tick by.

When all of the brushes are washed and dried, you take them, since you’re going to be the one using them next, and start setting up for the class. Rina walks away and grabs her stuff from the counter. She lingers by the doorway, door already propped open, aimlessly scrolling through something on her phone, hesitant to leave for a reason you don’t know. Maybe she has more to say- if that’s even, like, possible.

You set the brushes in a container at the center table, and head over to the shelves on the far wall to pull out more supplies. Unfortunately, today’s class is revolving around watercolor again. It’s drudgery, such a boring medium- dull, unsaturated, painstaking when it comes to detail. You bring out a stack of paper, the least-depressing palettes, and then mason jars for holding water.

You’re setting the last jar on the table when Rina shrieks.

It startles you, making your hand slip.

The jar wobbles over the edge of the table and then falls, shattering into cloudy glass pieces at your feet.

“Shit,” you curse, and look over at her. “Rina, what the hell?”

Standing across from her in the doorway, having arrived early for class as usual, are Steve and his friends, two shades more flustered than usual. Rina is gawking at them.

Okay, they’re attractive, but not that attractive.

Not shriek-worthy attractive.

You sigh loudly and carefully step over the glass, making your way over to them. “Hi, Steve,” you say, and he jolts, like a scared cat. He’s blushing, stepping back into the hallway, hands awkwardly dangling at his sides. His friend is staring at Rina like he’s about to murder her, and you’re staring at him like you’re about to ask him to pass you the broom behind the door.

Because you are.

“Sorry about… that. There’s a broom behind the door, could you pass it to me?”

He opens his mouth to say something, and you are desperate to hear him, even if he’s only going to utter a simple yes, but Rina buts in.

“You did not just ask the Winter Soldier to pass you a broom.”

Who?

“Girl, what?”

All three of you turn to her, cornering back into the wall. She looks even more unreal, eyes blown wide, red creeping up her neck, giving her hair a run for its money, still gawking. You resist the urge to reach out and pull her chin back up, to close her mouth.

She alternates between looking at Steve and at…  

“That’s the Winter Soldier,” she says slowly, like she’s trying to convince herself, or you, and then steps closer to Steve, who instinctively takes a step back. He’s fully in the hallway, now. “And you’re Captain America.”

Steve’s jaw clenches. He stays silent, and you feel bad for him, that’s all you can feel, really- you are confused beyond reason, halfway convinced that Rina is losing her shit, still awaiting the broom, still awaiting Steve’s friend’s words, racking your brain for any image of Captain America or the Winter Soldier that you might have- and coming up completely empty.

You don’t watch the news, like, ever.

Little details float back to you. Steve’s dressing sense, his manners, his muscles…

The baseball caps that both of them are always wearing...

His friend’s glove…

Oh, fuck.

“Are you?” You ask dumbly. The question is meant for both of them, but you only look at one of them while speaking. A glare meets you back- a slight misstep.

You can’t even see your feet, in this situation. You’re walking blind.

Steve crosses his arms and looks at you sternly. He doesn’t look angry, but as close as he can get. “Yes,” he says, completely guarded and unfriendly and not lovely at all. “I thought you knew that.”

You are so stupid- how did you not know that?

“I didn’t,” you say, and you don’t sound convincing at all. Not much fazes you, but you are absolutely, positively fazed right now, and starting to spiral out. “I had no idea- I thought you guys could have been, like, bodyguards, or something, not actual Avengers, oh my god. I’m so sorry, shit, thank you for your service?”

You’re going to end it all- this is so embarrassing.

Steve’s mouth twitches. Rina is scarlet-faced. The Winter Soldier, god, looks so tense, like he might shatter, too, into silent, grumpy pieces all over the floor.

“You’re welcome,” Steve says, and marginally relaxes. He stays in the hallway, the Winter Soldier by the door- you should have paid more attention in your tenth grade history class, what is the guy’s name?

Rina peels herself off the wall, and you start to get nervous. There’s a painful silence, with lots of staring, where you’re still trying to coax a few rational thoughts out of your brain, and only coming up with one- Rina needs to leave.  

You try to tell her that with your eyes, with a pointed look, but you’re not great at this whole communication-through-expressions thing, so she doesn’t get the hint, or does and just ignores it.

“So, let me get this straight,” she says, tearing the silence like a plastic seal, voice starting to rise, from wonder to excitement, from painless curiosity to danger, “there’s two Avengers taking your class? And you didn’t even recognize them?”

“Nope,” you say, looking away, at a stain on the wall, at the distant glass shards still unswept away on the floor.

“That’s…”

She trails off before she has the chance to call you stupid, because the Winter Soldier gives her a pointed look of his own. Low brows and dark eyelashes, blazing blue eyes- she has no choice but to listen. Your staring was irritating, but his is intimidating.

She scampers away, mumbling something you can’t catch and brushing against Steve as she leaves.

This whole thing is so unprofessional, but at least you can breathe again-

“Here,” the Winter Soldier says, and a broom handle comes into your view.

Just one word, but you’ll take it with open arms. You take the broom from him, give an unreturned, unfamiliarly sheepish smile and head back to the broken glass on the floor.

The broken glass is swept up and tossed in the trash. You avoid looking at the doorway, focusing on other useless tasks instead. Rearranging the supplies on the table, fiddling with the window blinds, chatting with the rest of the class attendees as they start to file in.

Then the class starts and you’re swept back into your demonstration, talking and teaching and showing off different techniques that can be done with different types of brushes. You only look in their direction once, right after showing off some technique you barely remember from art school with a fan brush- they sit at their table near the back, Steve paying attention as usual, his friend silently reacting, as usual.

So they decided to stay- that’s good. Great, even.

Until the next part of the class starts, when everyone gets to work on their own paintings, when you have to stop talking.

You mill around the room, searching for a conversation to join in on or a comment to make, but find none. Then you take a sheet of paper and hopelessly try to draw- search for a distraction and a spark up of an idea, something, anything, and come up completely empty. It’s just...

How famous are they? Like, A-list celebrity famous? Are they offended that you didn’t recognize them- should you start treating them differently? You don’t keep up with this stuff. You have an impossibly long list of other things to worry about- you don’t have the time to worry about this stuff. The Avengers aren’t something you think about ever, because why should you?

If you opened any newspaper or magazine you would find something about them- a charity gala they attended, some recent threat they neutralized, the latest gossip surrounding their personal lives. But those lives are so far detached from your own that you’ve never bothered to look.

You simply don’t care. You’re not a native New Yorker- it’s not like these people are your hometown heroes, that you grew up idolizing them. They save the world time and time again and society is forever indebted to them and all of that, but what are you supposed to do about it?

And most importantly, what is the Winter Soldier’s fucking name?

Enough of this chaos goes on in your mind to make your head hurt. Fuck it, you decide- you’ll face it. You straighten your shoulders as you stand, trying your best to look purposeful as you walk to their table, like you have reason to go over there. Yeah, they’re strong. Genetically enhanced and all of that, and they’re important: they’re Avengers.

But they’re taking your class.

You slide into the chair across from the Soldier without taking the time to gauge their reactions.

“Do other people here know?” You ask.

Steve startles, eyes widening, and then considers the question while swirling his brush in green paint. He’s working on a landscape today, you think. “Shonna might,” he says, not rudely. “But nobody else.”

So maybe not that famous. Or maybe the people here are just like you and don’t care.

But it still doesn’t make sense. “Then why did you think that I knew?”

“Because you talk a lot,” Steve says, like it’s the most obvious thing ever.

“Well, yeah, that’s part of the job-”

Steve cuts you off, and fuck, you hate getting interrupted. But he’s smiling, and you can’t bring yourself to get upset over it. “You talk a lot to us.”

Us?  

More like to him.

You take it in stride, don’t let your confidence slip. You’ve purposely angled your head away, and you know the Winter Soldier is staring at you- you can feel it on your cheek, on your shoulder, on every nerve in your face. You don’t look back at him. This revelation hasn’t made him any less unpleasant.

“Yeah,” you say, like it’s just as obvious, “because you’re a nice guy, Steve.”

Steve raises his eyebrows so high that they disappear under the brim of his hat. You smile at him as nicely as you can, sugar-sweet, until he can’t take anymore and drops his gaze back to his painting. You turn back to the nameless man across from you.

Winter Soldier.

“Hi,” you say, only to him, and prop your elbows up on the table, resting your face in your hands. “I love the little pattern you have going on with your painting.”

It’s random splotches of black paint- calling it a pattern is an exaggeration. But you carry on.

“This is probably a bad time to ask, and it’s kind of a dumb question, but, like, what’s your name?”

He just barely raises an eyebrow, allowing for a fraction of surprise, before schooling his expression back into his usual mix of anger and boredom, a casual glare and slight frown. For a moment, you wonder what he looks like when he’s happy.

“You don’t know his name?” Steve is in disbelief, and then he winces, and you think he’s been kicked under the table. Abruptly, you laugh.

It rings out. A few people turn and stare, but you brush it all off with another smile.

He’s still staring. You don’t mind it.

The paintbrush in his hand is suddenly unsteady.

“My name is Bucky,” he says, slowly and loudly enough for you to make out the sound of his voice, for the first time ever.

He is definitely bothered by you asking, his mouth drawn tight, and you can’t even take the time to appreciate how cutesy his name is compared to his demeanor, because oh hell. It’s going to be difficult to keep up this whole dislike thing, if his voice sounds like this, low and rough and gritty like sandpaper, pleasantly grating over you and your skin…

You have to consciously remind yourself to keep on smiling.

“Nice to meet you, Bucky.”

Things should feel different, but they don’t. Nobody really reacts- everything resumes as normal. Steve focuses on his panting, adding delicate brushstrokes to the branches of a tree. You linger for a moment, and then get up from the table and flutter off to someone else.

For every class, you wear this kitschy apron, paint-stained, with strings tied in a hasty bow against your back that Bucky always aches to even out. Someone tells you something, and you respond eagerly, fully phased out of the past incident.

He stares until he realizes he’s staring, and then drops his eyes back down to his paper.

Steve wanted to attend this class for a number of reasons- he was bored and wanted something to occupy his time, he wanted to revisit an old hobby, he wanted to learn from you- some hip, emerging artist he’s a fan of, whose work he’s been following for a while now, who is seriously talented, although you have yet to prove it. He wanted to go do something separated from the events of his regular life.

So much wanting. Bucky wants to know why you’re so indifferent.

He doesn’t know if it’s a good thing that you didn’t know his name, or that you didn’t flinch or gasp or accuse him of something, or pointedly look at his left arm. Should he be thankful? Steve is clearly thankful, already loosening up, freed of any lasting tension.

Bucky just feels wary. You’re unsettling.

You come back over to their table one more time. The sleeves of your shirt are pushed up, and there’s a smear of something dark on your forearm, ink or paint. On one wrist you’re wearing a  bracelet made of braided leather. On the other you wear a bulky digital watch.

Practical.

“Everything okay?” You ask, as if something not okay could potentially have happened, in your forty-five minute absence.

Steve fixes you with a friendly smile. Bucky can’t ever bring himself to do the same.

“Yep,” Steve says, and you nod your head, clearly relieved.

“Great!” You glance at him for a spare second, and turn away again.

Everyone he knows is so guarded, walls built high and doors barred shut. Except for you, if Bucky can say that he knows you, the perky art instructor, Steve’s favorite artist. You’re confident and flippant, and that should be a bad pairing, but somehow you can carry yourself within it just fine. Always purposeful in the space you occupy, not reacting to the knowledge of his and Steve’s major, momentous identities.

Bucky wonders, idly, as he blots water over what you so generously called a pattern, why you didn’t.

It’s not like he wants you to acknowledge it, wants you to call him a war criminal or a Rusisan spy. He just wants you to-

He doesn’t know.

The class goes on. An older couple sitting a few tables away have caught your attention, chattering on and on about their personal lives.They have a pet cat that their landlord doesn’t know about, and when they retire they want to move to the seaside in Italy, and in May their son is going to graduate high school.

“High school?” You gasp, loud for no reason. “I hated high school.”

Before the class ends, you take your position at the front of the studio, and talk some more. He knows it’s part of your job, but you are excessive.

There’s an art exhibition going on at some museum, and one of the featured artists is an acquaintance of yours, and on Saturday the admission fee is discounted, and if anybody is interested, you have a stack of flyers on the center table. And you hope that everyone has a good week.

You look at Bucky while finishing up your little monologue, giving a half-smile that’s for the whole class, but seemingly only directed at him. He blinks slowly, and when he opens his eyes again, you’re looking somewhere else.

***

“Morning, pal, you ready to go?”

Steve gives him a hopeful smile as he peels an orange.

Bucky’s hair is still wet from his shower, dripping water onto his shirt. It’s early, too early to go anywhere. He doesn’t even know why he’s awake- usually after his wake-of-dawn runs, he falls back asleep, or lies down and just stares at his ceiling, thinking, until he grows restless enough to get up and do something. But today, the restlessness came much sooner, so he got up much sooner, and it might already be a mistake.

He takes a seat at the kitchen island, next to Sam, trying to think of something that Steve might have had planned for today, and coming up completely empty. “Go where?”

Steve looks hurt, for a brief second. “The exhibition at the museum, remember?”

Oh.

That.

“I’m not going to that,” Bucky says, harshly enough for it to be dropped.

Steve does not drop it. “Hey, come on. Just look at it.”

From his back pocket, Steve pulls out a flyer, one of the flyers you had out on Monday, folded up in a neat square- when did Steve pick one of those up? He holds it out, and Bucky, wishing he was asleep again, takes it.

He unfolds it, and the words are written in tiny letters, and the few photos on the paper are in color but too grainy to make out, and it gives him a slight headache, but he pretends to look it over. Sam leans into him to see it, loudly crunching cereal in Bucky’s ear.

“Looks cool, Rogers,” Sam says, and Steve grins, and now Bucky is the bad guy in the situation, for not wanting to go, even though Sam isn’t going either.

Bucky passes the flyer back without reading a single word.

“I’m not going,” he says, again.

But Steve is relentless. He sets the orange peels aside and gives him a look, and Bucky can already feel his resolve starting to crumble, and it’s kind of pathetic, really. Does he not understand that Bucky is already doing as much as he can?

“Why not?”

He picks the easiest answer.

“I don’t want to.”

Steve’s brow furrows as he splits the orange into two, giving half to Bucky. Sam slurps the milk from his cereal bowl.

They’re all blissfully silent.

“Come on, Bucky,” Steve says suddenly, almost begging. “I really want to see it.”

“I don’t-” He falters, he’s losing the battle. “How many people are there gonna be?”

Steve lights up. Bucky tries to stay indignant, tries to keep his face twisted in dislike, but it’s difficult with Steve. He’s always so full of optimism, has so much of it that it spills out through the seams, rubs off onto whoever’s closest.

“Not that many,” Steve says, like a promise, shaking his head. “That’s why we should go now.”

“Will she be there?”

Sam perks up.

Steve frowns. “No? Or wait, maybe. It’s a public place- I don’t know. She could be.”

It’s miles off from the answer he wants, but again, for Steve, he’ll take it. Bucky ignores Sam leaning across the counter like an idiot and asking “who’s she?” and eats his orange slices in silence.

***

Huge, bulbous heads, and beady little eyes. The limbs are long and wavy and contorted in the weirdest positions, seas of arms and legs and joints, women twisted over each other in gnarled embraces, a man with his arms twirling over and over again around his own torso. And the colors- a complete eclectic mess of everything- blue, red, yellow, green, purple. Everything.

You walk through the museum floor one, two, three times. The paintings on display are unsettling and ugly, and you’re on the verge of tears.

They’re gorgeous. Pain thrown on a canvas, told through canvas. It’s overwhelming- you’re overwhelmed, and you can’t do anything else about it. The museum just opened and there’s barely any people around- you can wallow in your sadness as much as you want to, for now.

Or maybe you’ll wallow in your frustration, instead.

This… you want to create like this.  

But you don’t have it.  

It being an impossible, nearly unattainable type of pain, or misery or anger or any other emotion so strong and visceral that you could translate it into something like this, something that evokes something else from other people. From an audience.

You might have had something like that once, but that’s all too far behind you now. Forgettable. What you need right now is an idea, a spark of inspiration, a single coherent thought. A confirmation that you aren’t completely lost.

You wander back to a painting in a far corner, all alone in a small alcove. A red woman, with her head nestled in green grass and legs wrapping around the sun, quite literally head over heels for it. Her mouth is wide open, gaping, calling, wailing, maybe. She has a hooked nose and a mole on one of her arms, and her white dress has fallen down to pool on the grass, and her legs are lithe and unshaven, prickly like the grass, just like the yellow spikes of the sun, drawn almost comically.

How do you even- how do you even come up with things like this?

By living an interesting life, probably. Through not being boring.

You stay there for a while. Long enough that more people start to file in, pretentious art students wearing all black, eccentric people with awesome haircuts, tourists. They peer over your shoulders, awkwardly, waiting for you to move. When you don’t, they leave you to be, giving you a rude look or two that you pay no mind to. There’s space on either side of you, if they’re so desperate to see. Sidling up right against you is kind of weird, but you’ll excuse it, for this painting.

Eventually, you realize that you should probably get going.

You’ve been standing so long that your legs are starting to ache, and there’s countless other Saturday errands you have to run- doing your laundry, buying groceries, calling up your mom- boring Saturday things to do.

You leave the red woman, regrettably. The fabric of your sleeve comes back dry when you wipe your eyes, even though you feel fully washed away, feel like you’re floating as you drift over to the elevator.

The doors slide open and a few people file out, and then it’s empty, thankfully. You step inside, press the button for the ground floor, wait for the doors to fully close-

“Wait,” a voice calls.

You’re not rude- you press the button to hold open the door.

When it fully opens, Steve steps inside, followed by Bucky.

You’re still out of it. You don’t even realize who they are, not until the doors have slid shut and the floor jolts as the elevator starts its descent and they’ve been staring at you for a solid five seconds.

“Oh, hi,” you say, after too much silence. You need to get yourself together. “You guys came!”

Put a little pep in your step! And more joy in your voice- nobody wants to listen to someone so drained.

Steve shrugs. “I wanted to see it.”

Bucky just smolders, clearly saying with his silence, “I didn’t.”

“Did you like it?”

Steve considers your question. The elevator stops at another floor and the doors slide open, but there’s nobody waiting to step inside. You wait for Steve to gather his words together, sure that he’s trying to come up with a nice way to voice whatever he’s thinking, which is definitely not nice. There’s no way that he liked the art, not one chance.

“It was… intriguing,” he says, at last. Neither of them are wearing hats today, because the museum doesn’t allow it. Even in this artificial light, his hair shines, golden-blond. “Did you like it?”

“Yes,” you say, without wasting a second. “The one of the red woman- it’s probably the best thing I’ve seen all year.”

“It’s only January,” Bucky grumbles.

His voice shocks you, sends an ice-cold jolt up your spine that you definitely dislike.

Steve turns to him, peering over your shoulder, surprised and disappointed. The two of them have a silent conversation with their eyes and you stand in the midst of it, waiting for the goosebumps to settle back down, waiting for the chill to go away.

It’s difficult- he clearly doesn’t like you, either- and even if he has his own troubling little backstory, which you don’t care enough about to google, it’s not justified.

But…

It almost makes his aggression... amusing.

“It is January,” you say politely, dismissing him. “Great observation.”

The elevator reaches the ground floor and the doors side open. You exit in step with Steve, with Bucky right on your heels.

You all stand around in the museum lobby, a wide hallway down from the giftshop and a small cafe.

“Are you headed out?” Steve asks. He puts his hands in his pockets, feet planted wide.

Bucky crosses his arms. He’s wearing all black. If it were anyone else, you would make a joke- he could almost pass off as a pretentious art student, if the outlines of his body weren’t so visible through his clothes, all taut muscle and sharp angles. His hair curls over his shoulders, prettier than anything you’ve seen on any girl.

These guys are Avengers, you think, and proceed to push the thought away.

They look so… un-Avenger-y.

“Um.” You press a hand against your forehead, trying to formulate a response. Chores suddenly seem miles away, the last thing you should be doing. You have all of Sunday to complete them, anyway.

“I was going to get something to eat from the cafe first,” you say, nodding over in its direction. “You guys wanna join me?”

You don't know why you look at Bucky when you say it

“Sure!” Steve says, all cheery, still standing alongside you. He smiles and his teeth are pearly white.

Of course his teeth are pearly white. Dentists everywhere are probably cowering, clutching their little metal instruments for dear life.

Then he hesitates, and turns to Bucky. “If you have nothing else to do, I mean.”

Bucky pauses. You and Steve both stare him down.

“They have these raspberry-almond muffins that are to die for,” you say, like it’ll convince him.

He rolls his eyes. Bored and still gorgeous- if only.

“I’m free,” he says, and you don’t know why he looks at you when he says it.

You pay the bored teenager working the cash register with cash. He gives you your change, and when he turns away to prepare your order, you shove half of the bills and all of your coins into the tip jar.

Bucky sits at the farthest table with Steve. His knees can barely fit underneath it, and the tabletop is sticky, and he’s now willingly spending more time here, and with no disguise there is no way that he isn’t going to be recognized by someone, and he doesn’t know why he hasn’t fully booked it yet.

Because…

He doesn’t know.

Maybe because you’re not asking for anything from him, aren’t minding that he’s sullen or unapproachable or anything else- his presence seems to be enough for you, which is bothersome, and at the same time, mildly exciting.

“Are you having fun?” Steve asks, while you smile at the teenager handing you plates of muffins, little glasses of some milky-espresso-coffee drink.

“What do you think?” Bucky asks, while you start your journey back to the table, and Steve opens his mouth to respond, already bothered, and Bucky’s already guilty, but then Steve hops up to help you carry everything back.

You sit down laughing. Steve is laughing, too. The corners of your eyes crease and he can see all of your teeth, and you look at him for a split second, and then turn away before he can get a read on your expression.

He sits in silence, while you and Steve trade jokes and stories and easy banter, talking about art and local politics and all types of things he can’t bring himself to care about, things that Steve is relishing in. You’re witty, apparently, or at least quick enough to get a few quick laughs out of Steve, and Bucky would never say it, he’s barely thinking it, but he appreciates you for it.

And the muffin isn’t quite to die for, but it’s okay.

During a lull in the conversation, you break your attention away from Steve and turn back to Bucky. You look concerned, almost, still smiling but without showing all of your teeth, leaning towards him like you’re about to tell him a secret.

“I never apologized for before,” you say, and Bucky immediately sits up on edge.

Even Steve goes wary, eyes narrowing.

You suddenly give a long, weary sigh, and press a hand against the back of your neck, like whatever you’re about to say is going to be so tedious. “For my friend flipping out when she saw you guys- she’s literally crazy, she’s always doing too much- but on her behalf, I’m sorry.”

The silence following afterwards is deafening.

“It’s okay,” Steve says, after a long moment, while you’re still looking at Bucky- your eyes make his skin itch, and he doesn’t say anything else. “She’s not the worst that we’ve gotten.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything.

“Okay, great,” you say, and you slump back in your seat, looking away, back to your half-eaten muffin. You pick off an almond from the top and eat it. “Glad we got that out of the way. I just thought it would be weird if I didn’t say anything.”

“Thank you,” Steve says, so polite, even though you’ve done nothing to deserve his thanks. “Have you known her for a long time?”

“Yes, oh my god,” you say, and readjust yourself in your chair again, accidentally bumping your knee against Bucky’s, but not apologizing for it. He glances underneath the table, at your entire bare knee, visible through a rip in your jeans. “Rina- her name is Rina- was my college roommate for a while.”

“You went to college?” Steve asks.

“I have an art degree,” you say dryly, “which was… an okay decision, I guess. Sometimes I think I should have just dropped out and done, like, stand-up or something.”

You clearly don’t want to discuss it, leaving the last part as some sort of rhetorical joke. Steve takes the hint and nods, already closing the chapter, and you take a sip from your little glass, finally silent. The foam on the top of the drink sticks to your mouth until you lick it off. Bucky replies to it anyway.

“Why stand-up?”

You turn to him so fast that he almost misses you faltering, and give him a dazzling smile. He thinks of your bare knee under the table, and tries not to sweat. “Because I’m funny, Bucky.”

He doesn’t like how his name sounds when you say it. “Tell me a joke.”

“Oh, okay,” you say, and clasp your hands together. Steve is watching, rapt at attention. “Let me think real quick- oh, I have one. Which beverage has a black belt in karate?”

Bucky waits.

You wait, expecting something from him.

It’s Steve that has to say, “I don’t know, which beverage?”

“Fruit punch,” you say, exaggerating the last part, and Bucky just keeps on waiting.

Steve cracks a small smile.

“Let me tell you another,” you say. “What type of phone does a piece of fruit carry?”

Steve takes a few wild guesses. He’s enjoying this, and you are too, both of you feeding off of each other. “A phone-fruit. A fruit-phone. A frone?”

You shake your head. “A blackberry.”

Bucky doesn’t tell you that he has no idea what you’re talking about.

“Tough crowd,” you say, when he doesn’t react. “Don’t worry, I have more. Where do you go on red and stop on green?”

“Where?’ Steve asks, waiting, leaning forward in anticipation.

“When you’re eating a watermelon!”

It is not funny, it’s painfully unfunny, and maybe that’s why you and Steve burst out laughing. Bucky steals a glance at your watch, since he doesn’t wear one of his own. It’s nearing noon- how has so much time passed? Why is he still even here when he doesn’t even like you?

“Why are all of them about fruit?”

You look at him like his question is the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard. “What food is the best listener?”

Bucky just sits. All the foam in his little espresso thing has dissolved, having been left untouched. He doesn’t like the taste of coffee- too bitter, and caffeine doesn’t work on him, anyway. Maybe he should drink it, because you paid for it, and because you didn’t make a comment about old-fashioned manners or chivalry when Steve offered to at first, just shrugged and got in line.

He knows that you won’t care.

The drink sits on its own, glass beading with condensation.

“Corn is the best listener,” you say, without waiting for Steve to throw his questions or guesses at you, without waiting for Bucky to spit out another sentence. “Because it’s all ears.”

“That wasn’t funny,” he says, and glares at the spot beside your head.

You nod sympathetically, and he thinks again of the rips in your jeans. “I know. But it was about a vegetable.”

Oh.

You stare at him straight-faced, crossing your arms over your chest. Steve does the same, and then he realizes- the two of you are a bunch of kids, punks, juveniles- mocking his stature, pretending to be serious, somehow not offending him.

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky says. “You’re…”

He can’t even help it. He looks back at you  and his face works on its own. He gives a single, dry chuckle, but he’s smiling, and dragging his hand over his face, scrubbing it off just as fast, but you still see it, and smile back and gently nudge his knee again underneath the table, and then turn back away again, and he’s still staring at your hair while you take big bite out of your to-die-for raspberry-almond muffin, already back in conversation with Steve.

[wispandwhispers]

Moonboy

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Notes: I finally fucking wrote something, hallelujah! Anyway this is a one shot that got streched because , yes?

Words: 1907

Pairings: Prinxiety, Logicality, dukeceit that could be romantic or platonic idk

Tw(s): Sexual references and implied content, no smut though, cursing, threats, remus being remus

The night was dark, but not the type of dark that you would fear, the type that was comforting and was not frightful. And out of that dark he came.

The dark of the second floor corridor, but still dark.

"Ok 3Q, this is Virgil Lunapuer, Virgil this is..."

It didn't matter what Ms Quill said next, Roman was too focused on what sounded better, Virgil Xia or Roman Lunaper.

He stared at the new member of their class taking in his hair that was made out of the night sky but seemed to radiate some sort of light that was intoxicating . Taking in his eyes are hypnotising and they are endless pools precious stones that glisten. Taking in his-

A snap of fingers.

"Ro are you the-"

"Jan, do you think that  Xia sounds nice, I think it sounds nice, doesn't it sound nice.."

"Remus, did you spike drink his in the morning?"

"Not today at least.."

"...Oh God, your in love aren't you?"

"Yeah, Rem has eaten a pet dove..." And Roman was back to day dreaming about the new kid's face the calm but elegant beauty of it, how can he even be real, his body seemed so ..so...ma-

Roman's face got slapped by a semi gloved hand.

"Quill is calling you!" The slapped snapped back into focus, eyes widening and refocusing.

"Yeah, Miss." 'Miss' currently was pinching the bridge of her nose, looking like she was regretting all her life choices up to now ( That made sense, she did decide to go into teaching.)

"I'm buddying you up with Lunaper, do all that movie shit where you take him around the school and do that bonding fuckery or whatever." Virgil stood in front of his new guide with his hands in his pockets seeming not even focusing on him ,but his eyes were glued in a sideways position .

Oh god, I'm too gay, I'm too fucking gay for this, someone come and fucking help me.

No ,you can do this Roman. You can woo him. Your are Roman Xia . You can-

"Um, hi Roman."

Nope. I do not fucking have this. I am doomed. Can you die from a overdose of gay? I think you can. I am going to die.

"Are you ok?"

" Um, yeah.. yeah I was just going to that you are looking lovely today."

"..Oh my, that was really bad but-"

The ringing of the bell surrounded the room.

"Get out of classroom."

Virgil turned to Roman.

"So you're guiding me?"

(Janus walked up to his homeroom teacher's desk. "Quill, are you even allowed to curse in class?")

("Janus, do you remember I know what you did on Sunday evening?")

("...Truce?")

("Truce.")

******

The stream of feral adolescents filled the corridor. Shoving and pushing began as the students rushed their way over to their first period classes.

Somehow in the chaos, Virgil and Roman managed to stay together.

 "Um, so, what do you like to do?"

The journey to second period would take about two minutes because the class was at the other side of campus, the guided concluded it would be a good time to break the ice.

"Oh, I really love theatre and just musicals in general, maybe it's because of my childhood Disney obsession-"

The jocks barge through the crowd.

"No, that definitely explains why you are currently wearing propaganda-"

"Merchandise-"

Everyone parts like the red sea for the resident Heathers.

"It's going to a multi-trillion-dollar corporation  that has a very solid grasp on the younger generation perception of entertainment and what is right and wrong. It's propaganda princey."

He gave me a nickname. He gave me a nickname! 

"Why princey ?"

Virgil made a sharp turn to face him.

"You're a Disney loving thespian, you just seem like the type to envision yourself as a prince.."

Virgil gave a small smirk/smile (Roman couldn't tell and it didn't matter. His heart skipped a beat either way.) to his guide and put his ear bud back in.

******

"Janus Vale?"

"Present."

"Remus Xia?"

"Not here, in the principle's office for something."

"Thank you, Janus, Roman Xia?"

"Here, sir!"

("Wait, that kid in the green denim jacket with the attempt at a moustache is your brother?")

"Ruth Yillton?"

("Twin brother actually.")

"I'm alive, I guess?"

(Virgil looked at Roman with a surprised face. "The one who offered to give a senior a blowjob in the middle of the hallway.")

"Nyx Yonder?"

("Yeah, I'm not sure how I'm related to him either." Roman started to doodle idly in the margin of his book.)

"You can see me."

( Roman noticed Virgil peering over at his book with a sly eye, seemed to acknowledge something and focus back on his music, bobbing to the beat with a quiet tap of his sneaker.)

"Remington  Zenith."

Virgil stopped tapping his foot in response the student's name. The class was silent.

("Why did you stop tapping your foot?")

("You noticed me tap my foot?")

("No-t-h-h-ing, I meant why did you peer up your head like a deer in headlights?" And for one second, while the that his eyes flickered with colours that he could even describe. But it was just one second. Could of been an illusion.)

(" Nothing, it's just that's the name of my cousin.")

Don't panic yet. People have same names.

"Well if no one knows where Remin-"

"Morning bitches!"

("Huh, I was right.")

Dammit.

"Remington, you are five minutes late, where is your slip?"

A piece of discarded paper flew at the teachers face.

"Here you go.." The tardy walked to his seat at the front of the class.

Sir sighed.

"Class, Nyx is currently handing you back your tests graded, I'm just going to say that barely anyone of you got higher than a C and Janus meet me after class to discuss why you and Remus have both got an A+ despite you never being able to get anything higher than a D- ."

 ("Remington, move your shoes from the table.")

("No.")

("You are insufferable.")

("It is one of my talents.")

" As this is a revision lesson, you are allowed to talked to your peers."

And the classroom erupted into idle chatter (To be honest, why would teachers believe that students were actually going to talk about their scores and where they went wrong. They were obviously going to bitch and gossip about trivial shit.)

Both earbuds out.

"Well because this is my first day and I haven't got anything to look over, wanna talk?"

Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck ye-

"Sure."

******

"Beauty and the beast is not an allegory for Stockholm syndrome -"

"So please explain why Belle fell in love with a furry-"

"It's because she see the beast beyond outward, appearance and the fact she understands that there is something deeper inside, she can see it!"

And with that the eyes were back, the eyes that seem to contain whole nebulas and are ready to destroy everything and anything that disappeared in a second. And in a second it would be all that it took to make Roman dismiss the fact that his pencil once again was radiating the cosmic energy.

Well they did say that lightning not striking twice was a myth.

Virgil pulled him by his collar until they were at eye level with each other.

Stop thinking gay thoughts Roman.

"If you think you know anything about me, think if you value your life,"

He relinquished him just as the bell went.

"What's next princey?"

 What just happened?

******

The day went on with no other incidents, like the one that occurred in the classroom and the day had gone mostly smoothly.

Mostly.

Virgil talked to Roman significantly less after that experience, the ripples of whatever button he had pressed subliminally affecting their conversations.

Roman did learn that Virgil, like him, was a theatre kid but unlike his 'basic bitch musicals' ( Virgil's words, not his.)like Hamilton, Be More Chill and Dear Evan Hansen ;he listen too the folks who made A Very Potter Musical ( Roman forgot who made it though). He also figured out that he was quite anti-social and preferred to stay invisible.

By final bell, Roman thought he had bonded with the boy.

Just a few more steps and we will be married.

******

"Pa, do you believe in true love?"

Pa straightened his glasses which was currently focused at his email pileup . "No, I don't Roman, love takes time, trail and error, you have to find someone like you that you don't just love for outward appearance, it doesn't just happen."

"So how did you fall in love with Dad, someone who apologise to the coffee table when he bumped into it?"

"On rare occasions,  true love as you put it, can occur but I-," He looked up from his laptop. "Why are you even talking to me about stuff, you know your father is better with emotions and I'm better with logical things."

"Idk."

"Please don't speak to me in slang."

"Please never say slang."

******

" Dad, I think might be in love."

"Might, you were eye fucking him in class-"

"Remus, language!"

"English!"

"Anyway, there is this really cute boy who I'm guiding around the school and he likes the stuff I like and I really want to get to know him better but he got really angry at me and I don't know-"

Dad encased his son in a hug. " Look, if you are this in love with this boy that you only met so recently, just follow your heart, It's really and truly the only thing that can tell you what to do kiddo."

"Wow, that sounded really profound and wise, what have you done with my father?"

******

TheDuke: Hey

TheDuke:Hey

TheDuke:Hey

ThePrince: What do you want bro

TheDuke: You know Remy

ThePrince: How can I forget?

TheDuke: Well, Jan just sent me a video of him without his glasses on

ThePrince: Spill

TheDuke: Ok, so the file keeps on corrupting itself for some reason but his eyes are had this weird mystical vibe to it, it think I saw a cloud with 💤 in it

That reminds me of ..what? I can't remember in full but it has to do with Virgil.

ThePrince: Is that all had to show me?

TheDuke: Yeepers

ThePrince: Night brother

******

Roman was pissed that he woke up to say the least.

It didn't even get to the the really good bit...the fuck am I? Remus?

Roman turned to his phone to see that his usual flood of notifications was simplified down to two.

He checked it.

Anonymous: Do not fucking touch him or all of Sideton can see you spread his legs

Anonymous: [ Attached a file with the dream in word format.]

Roman screamed.

[tempolarriefix]

dig deeper tag game

thank you so much to one of my favorite people ever @goldenfive for tagging me in this q&a. ilysm! xx 1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? black gel pen is my go-to!

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? in the city. i love the feeling of everything all bustling, busy, and lit-up around me.

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be? this is going to sound sort of weird but i’ve been really tempted to learn lockpicking lately? so i’ll say that haha!

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? ........yes, a lot of sugar. probably “too much” sugar.

5. What was your favourite book as a child? i hadn’t thought about this series in ages but i loved The Land of Elyon series and also Dealing with Dragons. 6. Do you prefer baths or showers? showers! my old roommate loved baths and so i tried to get into them but its just not my thing.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? something with magical powers!

8. Paper or electronic books? i always say that i prefer paper but... when was the last time I actually read a hardcopy book? i have no idea. so truthfully, electronic.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? an oversized hawaiian style shirt with a Brave (like the disney/pixar movie) inspired design

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it? i used to not really like it but now i do. (Teachers also always used to say things like “wow your parents named you serena and you really are so serene!” so that’s probably a factor). 

11. Who is a mentor to you? i’m not sure actually? I guess my professor is.

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for? not really! i dont really like attention and overthink everything so i think if i were famous i’d just be stressin over every detail of everything all the time.

13. Are you a restless sleeper? nope! i’m a very deep sleeper.

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? not really? i love the concept of romance and enjoy romantic movies/books/fics but when it comes to real life I feel like making things super romantic also adds a lot of pressure so i’d rather just be chill 

15. Which element best represents you? everyone says water signs are emotional and i am both a water sign and emotional so... i guess water?

16. Who do you want to be closer to? all my friends! while social distancing it’s been so different connecting with people and i feel like i’ve drifted quite a lot from the people i used to see almost every other day. 17. Do you miss someone at the moment? not any more than usual! Im always missing my long distance friends & my boyfriend.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. this is too vague idk what memory to share hahaha.

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? i’ll usually try anything once. i guess chicken feet is prob the strangest? 

20. What are you most thankful for? my loved ones being safe & healthy 

21. Do you like spicy food? yes but i’m sort of weak so there will be tears streaming out of my eyes even tho i’m having a good time.

22. Have you ever met someone famous? i met drake bell when i was in college bc a student club i was part of hosted him for a charity concert event. he was chill and actually had a really good voice during his sound check but then he got high during his meet & greet and after that at the actual show he didn’t sound quite as good hahaha. He was super nice & even took a pic with me for free tho!

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? nope. i used to keep a planner and even that didn’t last haha

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil? pencil if i’m working on something where i’ll make mistakes like writing or math but pen if im just jotting down notes or whatever.

25. What is your star sign? cancer

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? soggy

27. What would you want your legacy to be? soph’s answer is literally so beautiful so i’m gonna steal it too: “that i made the world a little bit kinder and brighter and better while i was alive” 28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read? i do enjoy reading but mostly i read fics! the last fic i read was adjudication by @bottomlinsons and it is FANTASTIC. the last actual book i read was the first game of thrones book. 

29. How do you show someone you love them? quality time is my love language!

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? usually! i’m drinking iced coffee as i fill this out haha

31. What are you afraid of? failure

32. What is your favourite scent? the smell of an ice cream shop when you first walk in

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? whatever they introduce themselves to me as. if they don’t, then surname.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? i would travel so much. if money wasn’t a factor i wouldn’t have to worry about affording to travel OR being able to take time off to do so... it would be great. i wouldn’t always choose the best value option when i purchased anything and would be able to actually support brands that have good values (sustainability, good wages for employees, etc.). i would donate to everything i’ve ever wanted to bc i always feel bad about having to pick which causes i feel most for bc i can’t afford to donate to everything. also i would drink way too much boba (which, let’s be real, i already do).

.35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? the ocean! though i guess i dont really swim so much as like... wave jump haha.

36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground? try to see if someone lost it and if i couldn’t find them, then keep it.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish? yes and of course!

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children? just one? hahaha

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? i have no idea but i would get it someplace hidden where no one would see it, not even me. maybe like a dot on the bottom of my foot lol. i really.... don’t want a tattoo.

40. What can you hear right now? construction noises

41. Where do you feel the safest? in bed

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? feeling like i’ll never find a career or even field of work that i’m actually passionate about and enjoy and can actually make a steady living in 43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? maybe ancient egypt? there’s a lot of cool times to go back to & i’m really indecisive haha. 44. What is your most used emoji? red heart

45. Describe yourself using one word. indecisive

46. What do you regret the most? dwelling on things that were not important and letting it affect my happiness too much

47. Last movie you saw? the warcraft movie lol. i don’t recommend it but playing warcraft is great.

48. Last tv show you watched? either greys anatomy or b99, i can’t remember which was last 49. Invent a word and its meaning idk if there’s a word for this already, but i need a word for feeling like you want to be busy and have things to do when you don’t but then not wanting to do anything when you finally do. bc thats....me. hahaha.

anyways this is pretty long so thanks if you actually read it all. if you want to do this, i’ll tag @harryeatsburger, @louandhazzalove, @bottomlinsons, @nauticalleeds, @soft1ov, @allwaswell16, @lululawrence, @forreveries, @lightwoodsmagic, @ferricadooza, and anyone else who wants to do this. i highly recommend it when procrastinating other projects hahaha.

[rqs902]

.

IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS 

ITS MY BOY ENYU!!!! ON THE FRONT PAGE???? okay also a big deal for zhaohao and li hao too!!!

ok now into part 2 of the ep

interesting that they focused on junhao for everybody. can understand he probably has the most different and struggle experience so probably more interesting for dramas sake lol im surprised they dont spend more time on shengen, considering his popularity. 

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA JUNHAO FREAKING OUT over the fact that they only learned the dance for 40 mins. LOL thats the level of tyger + kou cong + shengen, i can imagine the struggle of the yang guang nan hai group in comparison AHAHA i just imagine him running down the hall freaking out like HOW DID THEY LEARN THE DANCE IN JUST ONE CLASS WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE 

lollll “theyre all dachang boys” “theyre all zhang yixing’s students” HAHAHAH you know even though he is slightly struggling compared to the rest, he aint bad and theyre all taking it light hearted with laughter so seems like a good learning environment! and he’s confident he’ll get it LOL thats good! i think thats what makes him so amusing 

HAHAHA i love how lin mo just keeps giggling at junhao like he genuinely just finds him so amusing LOL yay for making new friends 

awww bc junhao’s always been a leader i feel like for him to finally feel like hes being taken care of is so nice. i have absolute confidence that this group will treat him kindly. AW HE CALLED HIM MOMO 

im still disappointed they have YET to show zhan yu’s funny/strange personality and this wouldve been a great opportunity bc hes surrounded by friends he’s comfortable with!! like his friendship with kou cong! or akey and lin mo! but sigh...

THEY PUT ZHAN YU IN THE FRONT FOR THE SEXUAL LINE HAHAHHA PERFECT BUT I SEE LIN MO BEING ONE OF THE ONLY ONES NOT SHOWING HIS ABS HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA

wow the lyrics are so fitting for lin mo to scream LOL but also ay his vocals?! aw im glad they put in a little rap for shengen and akey! honestly was kinda hoping for more bc they havent had a proper stage together before and i feel like itd be awesome but also junhao and zhan yu vocalization at the end was on point!!

lol all the kids being like zhang pd’s words are so detailed and professional... sigh theyve been missing out until now 

im glad they really pointed out how each member of this team did well! they really all did a great job with each of their parts, and they each got a little part to shine, and when put together, it was a complete performance. im proud of them and happy for them!

aw.... i feel like we’ve been waiting so long to hear lin mo get complimented.... i feel like it’s been since qcyn namanana that we’ve been waiting for him to redeem himself and climb back up to the peak. ugh its been nearly a year and a half. im just so terrified of whats gonna happen next bc im way too skeptical at this point to expect this high to continue, esp with what happened after namanana last time......... but for now, im happy. relieved hes finally getting the recognition he deserves and im happy that hes happy. lol i was also half scared we were gonna get spirit of the knight-ed again with his pink hair (nightmare flashbacks to lin mo and changxi’s deletion from that perf) i dont think ill ever get over that :( i feel like as a lin mo stan, ive been trained to not keep my hopes up and to prepare for the worst bc hes the type of person who just always gets the short end of the stick, it feels like. 

aw the part when they go back to the waiting room and jin fan is waiting for them with an encouraging smile and the whole exchange of "帥的真的帥的" "哇~可以吧" "我沒想到" "那必須的" our leader did them proud :’) 

ugh the part where luo jie calls them and tells them he can’t come back........ heart breaking. i can see why lin ran and xikan would be really affected. lin ran has been luo jie’s go-to since he left and knowing how their usual friendship involves making fun of one another and jokingly complaining about each other, it hits hard when lin ran says he cried his eyes out. it hurts that they didnt get to share the stage again before he left. xikan may not have shared the stage with luo jie during ip, but hes known him since then and has been with him through both rounds here. it interesting bc i feel like the namanana perf was very light hearted on qcyn but i cant see that happening here, esp with their outfits? 

aw shiwei and chaowen taking charge to raise their spirits :’) 

lin ran’s voice fits so well with this song wow! i really like his lines! also lol i didnt know xikan would have abs but okay and tbh im always hesitant about dances with props bc it always is so easy to look messy..... like every slight difference in angle in the way you hold your arms is immediately magnified 

and like sxl’s fan is obviously broken and having performed fan dances myself i know that that’s like the most annoying thing to happen on stage, and can be really difficult to deal with, even tho it happens ALL THE TIME with those types of fans ugh :( 

i mean its super kind of them to leave luo jie’s space empty for him, but its kinda weird to have parts of the audio missing sadly :( and also chaowen’s voice did something weird in the middle there, like its sounds weirdly weak 

wait didnt yixing tell them to close the fan? but they didnt? 

xikan’s facial expressions are perfecttt, good for him! wish they gave more screen time to shiwei during shiwei’s lines lol... but also i cant help but hear lin mo’s voice during that part LOL ugh speaking of which i miss that team dynamic namanana team a on qcyn HAHAHAH hwx being a brat and fjj running around wild and lin mo giving up on them all just laughing like idiots for hours on end while bo yuan just judges them from a corner LOL i love the beginning of the wenxuan and lin mo friendship good times :’)  

HAHAH ENYU AGAIN WITH THE REALEST COMMENTS - i agree AHHAHAH i love these kids too but there was something off about this stage 

im surprised but also not surprised by what the judges are saying 

o didnt realize sxl was supposed to be center but i guess that explains the big puffy thing on his shoulder lol.......... agree with cx tho, even without his broken fan, i think the fans made them look worse bc it just looked messy 

well idk if we’re getting all the stages today but at least jin fan’s is also getting aired! TYGER HUG FOR JIN FAN YESS

jin fan teaching them dance? yes thank you for showing us he is a good dancer. oof jin fan’s just too nice :( hes trying to avoid conflict too much that it caused conflict smh......... lol oscar trying to talk to su er hes having such struggle i feel that bro LOL hes doing really well though, tbh being relatively young, hes really trying his best and is being reasonable. 

LOL HE CALLED HIM JIN FAN GE i forgot jin fan is considered old lol..... jin fan really taking the higher road here and im glad they sat together and talked it out a bit

THE JIN FAN VOICE YESSSS hahahhaha kou cong holding the tyger sign!!

oo is that some of his bel canto-style singing coming through LOL 

AY NICE for hong weihao and oscar to put in some rap 

some of those high notes were a bit questionable at the end but okay jin fan is really claiming that vocal + dance teacher role i see.... interesting 

but agree with yixing that he doesnt need to force himself to do high notes bc his voice is so nice regardless!! yay for oscar getting recognition! im still waiting for jin fan to do a cool dance performance sigh

wasnt expecting an enyu feature BUT ILL TAKE IT 

oof huang enyu saying hes really trying to put himself out there by going for leader and the realest comment that he hasnt considered getting to debut he just wants to pass this round oof and he feels like his opportunities may be cut short bc hes getting old oof

enyu and chenxu crying watching the movie 

AW THEIR HAHA VIDEOS ARE THE CUTEST THING I LOVE THESE KIDSSS so sad that so many of them are at risk of elimination :(  im glad these vocals made their own friend group! I hope itll be a memory they carry forward. they do all have shared experiences as vocals on this show. 

this reaction to junrong’s voice

same tho :’) but actually all of their voices are so so nice like actually these 5 are all people whose voices ive really listened for on this show, but wow renyu’s voice in particular like really ugh just sounds so pure 

also enyu looks really nice in this performance but thats a side note okay moving on

i mean literally these reactions

and li hao crying while singing and so many kids in the waiting room crying while watching OOF this perf has got me emotional 

HAHAHHAHA THEIR INTROS HAHAHHA

UGH ENYU his plea just.... the way he yelled it bc it mustve taken courage and it mustve been a frustration on his mind for a while now and bc maybe he wouldve broken down if he hadnt yelled it out but im really crying now.... and its so out of character for him that you know he really really is feeling desperate and feels the need to speak out

lol wait gjm posted on weibo about him? is that why hes getting more attention lol..........

i really hope the vocals win :( 

no tygers in the next ep preview? hmmMMMMMmm okay 

well also interesting that they put the other 4 perfs with the elims...... seems sketch but at least most of my kids got to go this week ahhhhhh i feel bad for the other groups already. esp the ones with the kids who arent as popular... 

[maandags]

What One Night Can Do (Shiro x reader)

hey everyone!! how have y’all been? this week has been hectic as all fuck for me, and I’m leaving to see my family in the Netherlands in 2 days (and there’s a new member to my family!!!!), so i’m excited about that!!

-- -- --

Summary: You and Shiro haven’t seen each other in years--not since you had been hired at G. Empire Laboratories, where the working conditions were mediocre, at best. But your boss just fired you--which causes you to lose your engineering license--and when you hit a bar to forget about your troubles, you run into him again.

Word count: 9K

Genre: angst/fluff

Notes: masterlist - this one was very loosely based on that one scene in How To Get Away With Murder. you know the one. and it was also supposed to be way angstier but idk what happened,,, im not complaining

-- -- -- 

You're fired.

The words looped in your head over and over as you swirled your drink in its glass, letting the alcohol and the thumping of the music around you soothe the burning feeling that those three words left behind.

You are fired.

And just like that, you'd lost your job and your only source of income. Oh, and also your home. No big deal. How long had you not shared a flat with Lotor? Years. Three, four–the exact number had slipped your mind. You had done everything together: working as researchers in the labs, working out, having breakfast, lunch, dinner... Lotor--the entirety of G. Empire Laboratories--had become such a big part of your life that now that they weren’t anymore, you felt a bit lost.

You had only been allowed out once a month–and that included phone calls, text messages, any contact to the outside world. You never went to the same places as neither of you were supposed to get recognized by anyone. That was harder on Lotor, with his flowing silver hair, than it was on you, an average-looking person but always by his side.

Besides, Zarkon monitored your every step. You had never even been tempted to defy his orders and go to the same place twice.

Tonight, though, you looked like a regular sod in an old t-shirt and jeans drinking their sorrows away. Beckoning over the bargirl, you asked for a refill, already feeling the alcohol take effect and making you feel deliciously numb.

You'd try and spend the night with the Holts. They lived nearby and you always made sure to give them your monthly allowed call, catching up and assuring them you were doing fine, which was mostly the case. Matt and Pidge surely would be happy to see you. They'd probably let you stay until you had somewhere else to go.

Right now, you could probably survive on your–admittedly meagre–savings, but you'd have to find a job, and quickly. You'd scour the local supermarkets and cafés to see if they were in need of a cashier or a waiter or something. You'd just have to manage.

And then you almost choked on your drink, because Takashi Shirogane was walking towards you and he was grinning.

Oh, fuck. You were suddenly very aware of the fact that your hair resembled a bird's nest and your worn clothes, and of the fact that Shiro still looked handsome as ever–better, even. There was so much life in his eyes, your chest grew warm.

"Y/N? Is that really you?"

You tried for a smile, hoping you weren't too drunk for a proper conversation yet. "In the flesh."

He pointed to a barstool next to you and raised a questioning eyebrow. You nodded. "Go ahead. I could sure use the company."

"It's really good seeing you again," Shiro said, fingering his own glass. "I thought you weren't allowed to go out on your job?"

Your insides turned to ice and you stiffened briefly, but you weren't about to ruin your–and Shiro's–night by talking about your life problems. It had been almost four years since you'd last seen him. You didn't want to bother him with it, even though you had come to the bar in the first place to mope. Right now–you were grateful for the strange twist in your fate that had led you to Shiro, and you intended to make the most out of it.

"We got the evening off. Good–good work results, and all. Like a reward."

"That's great," he smiled, casting you a soft look that had your insides melt. "In any case. It's been way too long."

"Yeah," you laughed, "the last time we properly saw each other must have been, what? Four years ago?"

"Something like that."

You took another sip of your drink to give your hands something to do and shot him a genuinely curious look. "So, what have you been up to?"

As he talked, you hung off his lips, your eyes raking across his features and drinking in every detail, every word that passed his lips, every look he threw your way and every smile that made your knees weak. Oh, how you had missed those beautiful grey eyes.

Shiro and you had been close all through high school, and during that time you had developed feelings for him–feelings that you at first had dismissed as being a silly high school crush, but had turned out to be much more complicated than that and had cost you many a sleepless night.

The contact between the two of you had somewhat broken off after you'd graduated. Most of it was through texting, the occasional phone call or video chat here and there–just talks about the silliest things, sometimes until deep into the night, and you wouldn't have traded them for the world.

And then you'd gotten your job at G. Empire Laboratories, and you'd had to say a very abrupt goodbye to the life you knew.

Shiro had understood–he knew how long you'd been waiting for the green light on this job and how anxious you had been, and he'd been nothing but supportive, even though he'd admitted that it did hurt, knowing that he wasn't going to be seeing you for a good while.

And that had been the last you'd heard of him. It stung, of course–but you found that you couldn't blame him, as much as you maybe wanted to.

And besides, you were seeing him now, right? The two of you seemed to get along better than ever. The only thing was that those feelings, those damned feelings were coming back in full force and you had to struggle to keep a straight face, keep those emotions down and not let Shiro know what exactly seeing him again was doing to you.

He worked at the Galaxy Garrison, now. Pilot. Teacher. You smiled, recalling how he'd use to talk your ears off about the Garrison, how his face would light up a and how he seemed to be living towards the day he would finally get accepted–which he did, calling you up in the middle of the night to scream in your tired ears that he'd got in, Y/N, he'd done it.

You had been seventeen back then. Shiro had applied a year early and his senior year had been about the Garrison, and he'd often tell you how much he just wanted to go now. But he still had to graduate, which he did as an honour student, and he'd dragged you along to the end of the year ceremony, even though you had made it very clear you had made no plans to attend.

I'm spending my last day in this hellhole with my best friend, he'd said matter-of-factly, and you'd rolled your eyes, unable to hold back a smile of your own.

Neither of you were the same, now. Both of you had changed, experienced new things, grown up. Still young, yet feeling so, so old.

Then how come you felt so much lighter, so much livelier whenever Shiro looked at you?

"I missed you," you blurted, no doubt a side effect of the alcohol currently coursing through your veins–you usually knew when to hold your tongue. Zarkon had made sure to teach you. "I missed–this. Us."

Shiro reached over, taking your hand and entwining his fingers with yours as if to make sure you wouldn't disappear. "Me too." His smile lighted a fire in your chest. You'd almost forgotten what it felt like.

––

You woke with a strange feeling of contentment. Safety. Warmth.

Then you registered the arms wrapped around you and you sucked in a breath through your teeth, feeling your muscles tense up, and the events of the night before crashed into you with full force, leaving you squeezing your eyes shut and bunching your hands in the sheets draped over your form.

Shiro was still fast asleep beside you, his chest rising and falling steadily and you felt his warm breath wash over the skin of your neck every time he exhaled, making goosebumps appear all over your bare arms.

You wore a shirt that wasn't yours, the fabric falling to well over your hips. Taking a deep breath, you felt sickness arise in your throat–you'd have one hell of a hangover. You had been positively drunk the previous night.

Not drunk enough for you to forget what had happened, apparently. Not entirely. It was muddy, but the memories were there–the crash of his lips on yours, the cab Shiro had hauled to bring the two of you back to his apartment, the way he'd run his hands over your skin almost desperately. You scanned the floor, careful not to move and wake Shiro, and sure enough, there were the lumps you vaguely recognised as your jeans and dirty t-shirt, your jacket no doubt discarded somewhere on the floor in the hallway.

You closed your eyes again, willing the tears back and drawing a shaky breath. Right.

You had done something absolutely, completely, incredibly stupid, and you would pay for it one way or another.

So you bit your tongue and slipped slowly, cautiously, out of Shiro's embrace, careful not to wake him and hating the way your body immediately yearned for his touch as soon as you'd left it. You hated, hated, hated it.

You could just slip back into bed, go back to sleep and pretend everything was fine when you woke up again. Deal with this in the morning. You could just... see where this lead you. But you pushed the thought–strange, irrational thought–back in its place immediately, snatching up your clothes and working yourself out of the shirt you wore, sucking in a breath through gritted teeth when you caught a whiff of Shiro's cologne lingering on the fabric.

Bag, phone, wallet. You had everything. Slipping into your shoes, not bothering to tie the laces, you carefully lowered the door handle and flinched at the slight creak before stepping outside, leaving the door ajar and swiftly making your way down the stairs. Checking the time on your phone, you bit back a curse–it was 3.46 A.M, surely way too early for you to knock on the Holts' door. You'd have to wait.

As you opened the front door to Shiro's apartment and slung your bag over your shoulder, you let the first tear fall.

You were glad for the little coffee shop's 24-hour policy, and you sniffed as you stirred your latte listlessly, your chin resting in your hand. The scent of coffee and bright neon lights had somewhat woken you up but did nothing to lessen the headache that was gradually building up in the far back side of your skull and you asked a waitress for an aspirin. She gave you a pitying look and asked, "Rough night?"

"Something like that," you muttered, keeping your gaze firm on the plastic green stirrer as your fingers fiddled with it. She gave you a sympathetic smile and assured you the aspirin would come right up. You'd have to keep this address in mind; a place where a 24-hour policy actually meant 24 hours. You had a feeling this would be the first of many middle-of-the-night trips.

Your brain was too muddy, too tired to think about what you'd do when you finally did get to the Holt's. What you'd tell them, what you wouldn't tell them. You didn't know, and you were too confused and your mind was too murky for you to care. You sipped your coffee, wincing slightly at the heat of it burning on your tongue.

The doorbell chimed. You cringed, for just a second thinking that it was Shiro who'd woken up and come after you--but the guy taking a seat at the bar beside you was greeted by the waitress with a "Hey, Kyle." Kyle responded with a wave and a whispered greeting, and you felt your body deflate, the tension leaking from your shoulders. You ran a hand over your face, squeezing your eyes shut, and downed the last of your coffee, leaving a couple of coins on the shiny wood and muttering that they could keep the change.

It was dark out, but the streetlights were on and a big city like yours never truly slept. The night air was chilly and bit at your skin, the wind rippling through your clothes and you buried your hands in the pockets of your denim jacket, ducking your head down and staring at your feet, wandering around aimlessly for a while before you sank down on a bench. You took out your phone. Half past four A.M. Still a couple of hours to kill, then.

You thumbed through WhatsApp, checking your messages when you came across Matt's icon and you raised a brow. Online, the small grey script beneath his profile picture stated. You bit your lip, debating whether to send him a message–he might not even reply, for all you knew. Maybe he wasn't even in town. You decided to take your chances and shot him a quick message.

You: hey. you up?

To your surprise, you received a reply almost immediately.

Matt: yeah

Matt: why?

Matt: you okay?

You pointedly ignored the last question.

You: why the fuck are you up at half 4 AM???

Matt: i'm a college student, Y/N.

You: that's fair

It was silent for a bit, then the little speech bubble filled with three dots appeared again, signalling Matt was typing something.

Matt: why are YOU up at half 4 AM?

You pulled a face as you tapped out a reply.

You: hahahaha

You: funny story, actually

You: i kinda got fired from my job and lost my license

You waited anxiously for his response, biting your nails.

Matt: ...

Matt: wait

Matt: are you for real

Matt: did you seriously get fired

You: *jazz hands emoji*

You: surprise

Matt: but didn't you live there and shit???

Matt: where are you staying??

Matt: wait

Matt: where are u right now??

You gave a humourless chuckle, bringing your knees up to your chest and squinting at your phone's screen, imagining Matt curse softly and run his hands through his hair the way he used to do when he got upset.

You: well, right now i'm on a bench. somewhere. in a park? idk

You: as for where i'm staying... i was actually kinda hoping i could crash at yours for a little while?

You: just as i get my life back on track a bit

Matt: yes of course

Matt: i'll ask mum and dad but it should be no problem

Matt: u can use the guest room

You: thanks man

You heaved a sigh, leaning back on your bench and closing your eyes. You wondered when the sun would come up, and if you should start heading towards the Holt's house. Your phone vibrated with another text.

Matt: shit, Y/N.

You: yeah, that pretty much sums it up

After some texting back and forth, Matt told you to get to their house as soon as you could–you could haul a cab, take the underground. Whatever brought you where you needed to go the quickest. Matt would stay up to let you in and let his parents know that you were coming. If you'd just give a call when you were on your way?

You ended up taking the underground, the guy in the ticket booth casting you an irritated look when you cleared your throat, pointedly clapping his book shut before saying in a tired voice, "How can I help you?". He looked like he would rather be doing literally anything else than helping you.

Half an hour later you knocked on the Holt's door and only had to wait a few moments before footsteps came barging down the hallway and the door was thrown open. A dishevelled Matt stood in the doorway, his expression a concerned frown, and you raised a hand in a weak wave.

"Hey, man. It's been a while." You tried for a smile, but you were exhausted, and frankly, on the brink of tears. What you needed were a good long shower and some sleep. Matt seemed to catch onto it, and he beckoned for you to come inside, quietly shutting the door behind you.

The lights weren't on. Of course they weren't; it was still early, way too early to flick on all the lights and potentially wake all the other residents of the house. So Matt guided you to the kitchen, where a mug of tea was waiting for you and you cast him a grateful smile as you picked it up and curled your fingers around it, finally crashing on a chair and allowing yourself to relax.

"Thought you might want something warm to drink," Matt whispered, taking a seat in front of you. "For how long had you been outside?"

You hesitated, the edge of the cup almost grazing your lips. You knew you weren't ready to admit to Matt where you'd spent the first part of your night. "Since about three. I was–I was in a bar. Got drunk. Stayed there until I got kicked out." You sniffed, taking a sip. "Not a very glorious night for me, I'm afraid."

Matt sighed, running a hand down his face. As you eyed him from behind your teacup, you noticed the shagginess of his hair and the big bags under his eyes, the paleness of his skin. He looked about as exhausted as you felt. I'm a college student, Y/N. Right.

"Y/N?"

You turned to see Sam and Colleen Holt in the kitchen doorway, both dressed in bathrobes but looking a lot more awake than you felt. A tired smile made its way onto your lips--no matter how exhausted you were, the mere sight of them always was enough to make you smile. You stood, walking up to them and leaning your head on Colleen's shoulder, the way you used to do back when you'd spend half your life at the Holt's and you needed a hug. It seemed Colleen hadn't forgotten about them either, as she sighed and wrapped her arms around you, tugging you into her chest and stroking your hair. Silent tears rolled onto your cheeks.

"Oh, love..."

Sam patted you on the shoulder, and you blindly reached for him, yanking him down and hugging him too. "I missed you guys so, so much," you whispered into their shoulders, voice shaky with sobs. Colleen pulled back, her own eyes shiny with tears, her thumb stroking away the wetness the tears had left on your cheeks. She tugged off your denim jacket and told you to get changed, she'd wash your clothes for you. There was a pair of pyjamas in the guest room. You thanked her and Sam, shooting one more weak grin Matt's way before dragging yourself up the stairs, changing into the pyjamas–not bothering to fold your other clothes, instead dumping them in a heap on the floor–and crashing on the bed. You were out before your head even touched the pillow.

The next morning, you woke with a start and a screaming girl launching herself onto your bed. She crashed into you, yelling incoherent things in your ears and wrapping her arms around your neck in an embrace that left you almost gasping for air and repeatedly slapping her arm while telling her to Let go! Let go, you weirdo!

She sat back on your legs, a huge grin adorning her face, and you shot her a murderous look as you pushed yourself up, your hair a mess and falling into your face and your pyjamas crooked from the early-morning attack you'd just suffered. "Jesus Christ, Pidge. Is that how you usually wake up your guests? By literally choking them to death?"

Pidge's grin widened. "Not usually, no. But you're not usually said guest."

"Touché."

"Anyway," she pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them, "what brings you here? I mean, what about your job? I thought you weren't allowed to go out and see people and stuff?"

Your face fell slightly. "Matt... Matt didn't tell you?"

Frowning, Pidge straightened and said cautiously, "I didn't give him a chance to say anything. I got so excited when he said you were here..." Her eyes filled with worry. "Why? Is something wrong?"

You were suddenly very interested in the quilt covering your legs, and you picked at a loose thread. "I got fired, Pidge," you muttered at last, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Wait–what? Why?" Her jaw had dropped.

You pulled a face. Zarkon hadn't exactly given you an actual proper reason as to why you got fired, unless "giving him trouble" was one. Which you highly doubted, but you weren't about to tell him that. You hadn't even tried to protest, his icy stare numbing paralyzing your limbs and all you had done was stare at him until he'd impatiently waved you out of his office.

You hadn't even gotten to say goodbye to your friends– or to Lotor. Security had already taken care of collecting your stuff–the backpack you currently carried with you and counted exactly one spare shirt, one old pocket watch that had belonged to your father, your phone, and two books. Two and a half seconds later, you stood outside the Empire gates, shaken, about one minor inconvenience away from breaking down into sobs, unemployed and licenseless.

You shrugged. "I guess... I wasn't good enough for him–them anymore."

Pidge pursed her lips, her eyes stormy and her mind racing a million miles an hour. "That makes no sense. You're brilliant."

"Well, not to them, apparently. Not brilliant enough, at least," you snapped, the words stinging more than you meant them to. "Sorry."

"No, it's okay." Pidge hugged you again. "Well, your boss is a dick. I'd beat them up if I could."

"Oh, lord, please don't," you laughed, swatting her away, but apparently she'd succeeded in her mission to make you feel better because she pulled you into one more hug and then bounded for the door.

"Get into the shower. You smell. Breakfast's in half an hour."

"Wow. All right."

– – –

"So... what are you going to do now?" Colleen asked, leaning back in her chair and sizing you up with a critical gaze. You liked how she did that–immediately went to the subject that danced around in everyone's minds, without tiptoeing around it or treating you like you were something fragile and made out of glass. You brushed the crumbs off your hands, munching the last of your eggs thoughtfully.

"Honestly," you swallowed, "I'm not really sure. I'm going to try and find a job as soon as possible, like at a café or restaurant or something. Hell, I'd take a cashier job right now. Anything that makes me money, because that's something I sorely need."

"How much do you have saved up?" Matt asked over his own breakfast.

"Not much. I've never needed to–most Empire employees work there until they retire. Once you've been accepted, nobody would think of quitting. I mean, it's Empire. And there's little you can do to get fired–" You flinched, your hands balling themselves to fists at your sides. Coughing, you folded your arms to hide them, flexing your fingers a few times. "Besides, the paycheck isn't as high as you might believe."

But that wasn't the complete truth.

Galra Empire Labs–the dream for every respected scientist, researcher, engineer. Having a job there was the pinnacle of achievement. You'd thought so too, once upon a time–back when you were innocent and full of dreams and hopes for your future. Yet you knew how secretly fucked up the whole company was.

Employees weren't allowed to do basically anything outside of work, and certainly not without the leading board knowing. Haggar, a terrifyingly intelligent scientist and Zarkon's second in command, somehow always knew where everyone was and what they were doing. You knew that the dorms were bugged, and harboured secret cameras, though you hadn't ever been able to do anything about it because Haggar would know, and if Haggar knew, Zarkon knew, and the one thing you wanted to avoid at all costs was Zarkon knowing.

Employees were granted absolutely no freedom. Breakfast was between six and seven A.M, lunch between noon and one P.M, dinner between six and seven P.M, curfew at ten thirty P.M. Everyone worked from seven to six, one half hour break in the mornings and the afternoons, the working conditions mediocre at best even though the company was able to afford the most expensive equipment. You'd grown up more quickly in your first week working at Empire than you had in your entire life.

The only reason you'd lasted as long as you did was Lotor, probably.

While he was a biochemist and you were an engineer, you shared a room, and spent every moment that you weren't confined to your respective labs together. Grown close, developed an alliance that blossomed into friendship. You and he hadn't talked that much, knowing that every word you said was probably recorded, and the last thing either of you wanted was for Zarkon to find out and separate you. So you kept silent, communicating almost solely through looks and sometimes holding hands, just because you craved the physical contact.

But even with him to keep you company, you got lonely–and it would be a lie to claim you weren't the tiniest bit relieved to be out of G. Empire Labs.

"But–I don't know. I'll figure it out."

Colleen rested a hand on yours. "And we'll help you with it, all the way through."

– –

You had to be honest–if someone had asked you five years ago where you'd be seeing yourself in five years' time, your answer would certainly not have been "working as a coffee-shop barista for minimum wage". Not that there was anything wrong with working as a coffee-shop barista for a minimum wage, you just had never expected to end up here, especially after having a job at Empire.

But here you were, taking customers' orders and scribbling their names on paper cups before passing them over to your co-worker Lance, who was in charge of actually making the drinks. Lance was nice. You liked him. Maybe he was a bit too loud and overbearing for your taste, but at least days at work with him were never dull. He had a good music taste as well, and in no time you were tapping your feet to the beat and humming along with the lyrics.

You handed him another cup and he frowned. "Satan? For real?"

Sniffing, you whipped out a new sharpie–the other one was starting to dry out–and doodled a little flower next to the name Juliet, winking at the little girl standing in front of the bar and flashing you a toothed grin. "What can I say. Some people never really grow out of it, and I don't think we have a right to judge."

"You have obviously never worked as a barista before. All we do is judge. We're judgemental motherfuckers."

"Oh, but I judge. I just judge you. There's so much to judge."

"Fuck off, Y/N."

"Just make the damn coffee, boy," you chuckled, spinning on your heel to lightly whack him on the head.

He squinted at you, finished making his drink and called out cheerfully, "Satan!"

When Satan had come up and retrieved his drink, giggling under her breath, Lance planted a hand on his hip and pointed the other at your face. "You've been here for, like, a week and a half, and you're already starting to take command of this place and I don't like it very much. Step down a notch."

"Excuse you? I'm the one keeping this place running and making sure you keep your job," you laughed, poking your sharpie in his chest. "Dork. Get back to work, we have customers waiting."

Lance turned around, mocking your words in a high-pitched voice and a fair amount of hand gestures, his eyes wide and sarcasm dripping from his expression.

"Hang on–Y/N?"

You whipped around, your heart leaping in your throat because you knew that voice. Your eyes widened when you saw him. "Keith." Shiro's adopted brother.

His eyes shone with confusion and he frowned. "Wait. Aren't you supposed to be an engineer?"

"Yes. I still–I'm still an engineer. Can we, uhh..." Your fingers already fumbled with the straps of your apron and you said, "I'm taking my break," not waiting for Lance's answer to slip out from behind the counter and grab Keith's wrist, leading him outside.

"Hold on a second. Does Shiro know you're here?" Keith asked, hoisting his bag up on his shoulders and pursing his lips at your choice of location–maybe a small alley wasn't ideal, but the last thing you wanted was being noticed. A small alley was, at least, inconspicuous.

"No." Keith's frown deepened and he opened his mouth, but you cut him off before he could say anything. "And I'd like to keep it that way," you added through gritted teeth, hugging your arms to your chest.

"Wait–why? Did anything happen between you two?" Keith looked genuinely confused and you understood why. It was a weird thing to want, for your best friend not to know you're back in town after not having seen each other for years.

You heaved a pained sigh. "No. It's just... I got fired from my job, and I lost my license, and I don't want Shiro to know. Yet," you added when Keith raised an eyebrow at you. "Not yet."

"Why?" Keith asked, a puzzled look on his face as if he couldn't figure out for the life of him why you wouldn't want Shiro to know.

"Because–it's a lot to process, okay? I got fired a month ago and I lost everything. I stay at the Holts' because I don't have enough money to get an apartment of my own. I work as a damn barista because I can't get a job as an engineer anywhere because I lost my license."

"Hang on a sec. Why's that?" A sharp glint appeared in Keith's eyes.

Another sigh made its way past your lips. "My old boss–Zarkon–he made sure of it. Listen, there aren't a lot of people who get fired from Empire. When they do, it's hard to get a job anywhere, because when you get hired you basically turn your entire self over to the company, right? And when you get fired, you lose your license as an engineer or biochemist or whatever," you mumbled, fiddling with the hem of your shirt and shifting your weight from one leg to another.

"And you don't want Shiro to know because..."

You threw your hands in the air. "Is it so hard to do this one thing for me, Keith? I'll tell him. I promise! Eventually. Just... not yet." You didn't tell him that another reason why you didn't want to see him just yet was that you weren't really in the mood for the conversation that would inevitably follow.

Keith put a hand on his hip, narrowing his eyes at you. "Fine. You get two weeks. Then I'll tell him, because he'll kill me if I don't." He stuck out his hand. "Deal?"

"Fine," you grumbled, and shook his hand.

The two of you exchanged phone numbers, and then you were back behind the counter and taking his order, purposely misspelling his name on the cup. He cast you an unimpressed look when he finally took the drink, flipping you the bird as he made his way out of the shop. You responded with a blown kiss and a wave of your own, ignoring Lance's pointed look.

"How do you know Keith?" he asked over the sound of the coffee machine. "I've never heard him talk about you."

"I was good friends with his brother for a while," you said vaguely, ducking your head down and trying to stop your hand from trembling. The name you were writing–Janet–came out looking more like Jenit. "So we were bound to see each other often."

"No way. You were friends with Shiro?"

You spun on your heel, narrowing your eyes at the incredulous tone Lance's voice had taken on. "Yes. We've known each other since we were about ten." You paused. "That surprise you?"

"I mean–I guess. A bit. He's never talked about you before, and, well... I guess I didn't peg you the type."

"Do I have to be a certain type to be friends with Shiro?" You tried not to let your voice sound too defensive.

"No! That's not what I meant! It's just... most of his friends are from work, and you work–well, here." Lance's face had grown bright red. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you–"

"No, it's fine," you muttered, ripping the cap off a new Sharpie with more force than necessary. "It was a while ago, anyway. Haven't seen him in years."

"I'm sorry, Y/N."

"Lance. Drop it."

You heard him sigh behind you. "All right."

As you took people's orders, a fake smile stretched across your face, you tried not to linger too much on Lance's words. He's never talked about you before. You set your jaw. I didn't peg you the type. It's been four years, you reminded yourself. Don't let it get to you. Besides, you'll see him again soon. Relax.

Yeah, you thought bitterly. Just relax.

– – –

You were draped on your bed, your phone on your chest, staring at the ceiling with a frown on your face when Matt knocked on the door. "Yo. Can I come in?"

You sniffed. "Sure."

He plopped down on the edge of your bed, pulling his feet up and sitting cross-legged. "Are you okay, Y/N? You've been in a nasty mood for days now."

"I'm fine," you snapped, but flinched as soon as you said it because you knew it was a lie. "Sorry. I'm just–a bit tense, is all." Your two-week deadline was approaching with a speed you did not like at all. You had two days left to make the call, and Keith was reminding you of it every half hour. He was getting impatient.

"Shiro's been sulking in his room for days. It's really starting to piss me off. He could use some good news," he'd said last time you were on the phone with him.

"So now getting fired and losing my license is good news?" you'd bit back.

"Maybe not that specific part," he'd admitted. "But you're back in town! That should be enough to cheer him up at least a little bit. I haven't seen him like this since you left for Empire." He'd chuckled. "Ironic."

Matt shot you an unimpressed look. "Right."

Suddenly you were overcome with an urge to tell him everything. It was eating at you. You didn't know what to do. You didn't want to confront Shiro just yet–but you also didn't want him to hear it from someone else; in this case, Keith. "Hey, can you close the door?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Why? Should I be worried?"

Rolling your eyes, you pushed him off the bed with your feet. "Just do it, moron."

He did it, then sat back down and crossed his arms. "What?"

You pursed your lips, trying to gauge what the best way to tell him would be. "I lied to you."

His eyebrow crept further into his hairline. "... Okay. And?"

"When I showed up on your doorstep. When I texted you. I hadn't been on the streets the whole evening." You grimaced, slapping your hands onto your face. "I slept with Shiro," you mumbled through your fingers.

"What?"

"I know, I know, stupid–"

"No, that's not–you slept with him." Matt ran a hand down his face.

"Yes."

"In his apartment?"

"Yes."

"Then why did you–" his eyes widened and he covered his mouth with his hand. "Y/N, tell me you didn't run off at 3 A.M. without Shiro knowing."

When you stayed silent, Matt whacked your leg. "Oh my god, you absolute moron! Why would you do that?"

"I was drunk! So was he! And I'd just gotten fired from my job, I wasn't thinking straight! What if it ruined our friendship, Matt? Hell, it would have. We hadn't seen or spoken to each other in years, and the first thing we do when we're reunited is have sex. How could I possibly face him after that?"

Matt opened his mouth, but you sat up and threw your hands in the air. "He doesn't know I got fired from Empire. And Keith's gonna tell him in two days that I'm here unless I do it but I'm not ready yet, but I also don't want him to hear it from someone else because he's still my best friend and I know how much it'd hurt him, but I just don't really know what to do." You let yourself fall back onto the mattress and flung an arm across your face.

"Wow. What a mess."

"No shit," you said, your voice muffled by your arm. There was a pause and the bedsheets ruffled as Matt shifted on the mattress.

"You know what you gotta do, right?"

"Move to Alaska and go into hiding?" you suggested half-heartedly, curling into yourself.

"No," said Matt pointedly, snatching up your phone and chucking it at your face–you only barely managed to catch it–ignoring your startled Hey! "You gotta call him. Now."

"Now?" You sounded like a whiny child throwing a temper tantrum.

"Yes. Now." You pouted, but his expression didn't change. "Go on."

You mumbled curses under your breath as you tapped your phone's screen, pulling up Shiro's phone number and staring at it for a solid minute before shifting your gaze back to Matt. "So, about Alaska–"

"Jesus, Y/N," he said, plucking your phone from your hands and pressing the call button. Your eyes widened and you grabbed it back, silently panicking and whisper-fighting with Matt, including phrases like "Oh my god, I'll kill you", "I'd like to see you try, bitch", "You are evil. Evil" and "I did you a fucking favour" until you heard a click and Shiro's voice saying, "Hello?"

Matt got up with a grin and blew you a kiss before skipping out of your room. You flipped him off.

"Hello?" came Shiro's voice again, slightly irritated.

"Yes, hi, Shiro, it's me," you quickly answered, switching your phone to your other ear and jumping up, not quite sure what to do with your hands. "It's Y/N."

"Y/N, hey," he said, surprise clear in his voice and despite everything, you smiled, because your heart still couldn't behave normally whenever you spoke with him. "How've you been?" he asked quietly.

"I've–you know–been," you said with a laugh, reaching up with one hand to rub the back of your neck. "But, um, I was actually wondering–could we meet up soon? I'd like to talk to you, and I'd rather do it in person. I'm fine, don't worry," you added quickly, knowing what he was thinking, "but there's a lot to talk about. Last time–" you cringed, internally screaming curses at yourself and resisting the urge to eat your phone like a potato crisp. "Anyway." You thought you did a pretty decent job keeping your voice level. "Meet up?"

"All right," Shiro said after a pause. "Sure. Say when and where."

The little bakery gave off a quiet air of peace and calm. The scent of fresh bread and sweet pastries relaxed you and you ordered a cup of tea at the counter. You were early, you knew, but your nerves hadn't let themselves be tamed this morning and Matt had gotten so irritated with you that he'd kicked you out.

You'd only just started sipping your tea when the bell above the doorway rang, and Shiro walked in. His eyes widened when he spotted you and he made a beeline for your table, carefully taking a seat in front of you. "And here I thought I was early."

You gave him a sheepish smile in return. It was silent for a moment, and you'd be lying if you said that you didn't feel the tension crackling in the air. But if it was good or bad tension... that, you weren't sure of yet.

"So, you wanted to talk?" he finally said, and you fiddled with your fingers, trying to avoid looking him in the eye and thinking about how to best start.

"Yeah. First, though, I figure I owe you an apology." He pulled up an eyebrow and you pursed your lips, sagging in your seat. "You know what for," you said quietly.

He rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks tinted slightly pink. "But that's not what you wanted to talk about."

"No." You bit the inside of your cheek. "I've been back in town for over a month. Since that very night, actually. And I didn't tell you."

Now Shiro pulled up his other eyebrow and you pretended not to notice the hurt flashing in his eyes.

"I got fired, Shiro. From Empire."

His jaw fell. "Oh."

"Yeah." You fingered your cup listlessly, taking a deep breath and blinking back the tears forming in your eyes. Why were you crying? There was absolutely no reason why you should be crying. You'd already established that you were so much better off outside of Empire. So then why did you still feel like a failure?

"Hey," Shiro said, frowning and grabbing your hand when the first tear fell, and you barked a laugh, wiping at your eyes. "Hey. It's not your fault."

"Probably not," you mumbled, "but it still sucks. You know what happens to fired employees?" You didn't wait for an answer. "I work as a barista now. I lost my engineering license. That's how much power and influence Empire has."

"Hold on–you lost your license? How?"

"It's in the contract, Shiro. Fine print and whatnot, that I didn't read over because I'm a moron." You sighed. "Do you ever make a choice so stupid you regret it for the rest of your life?"

He smiled faintly. "I know the feeling."

You straightened in your seat. "You do?"

He didn't elaborate and you got the feeling he wouldn't, even if you kept asking. It was silent again as he looked at you, chewing his cheek in thought. The tension in the air reached a peak. Then Shiro laughed and the tension broke. He shook his head, chuckling. "Look at the two of us. Absolute messes, ain't we?"

"I guess," you said with a laugh of your own, downing the last of your tea and decisively plopping down the mug on its saucer. "I'm sorry for not telling you."

"It's okay. I understand. I probably would have done the same thing."

"Would you have, though?" you mused, cocking your head. "Keeping secrets isn't like you."

Shiro arched an eyebrow and looked at you in a way that had you positive that had you been standing, your knees would have buckled right from underneath you. "I've got my fair share of secrets," he said quietly, his voice hoarse.

You exhaled sharply, fighting down the blush threatening to creep up your cheeks. Would you ever be able to see him–just see him–and not immediately want to plant one right on his mouth? At the rate where things were going, you didn't think so. If anything, your feelings had only intensified in the years that you hadn't seen him.

"But," he suddenly said, and he straightened, "I'm gonna need you to promise one thing."

You nodded for him to continue, wary.

Shiro smiled. "Don't ever do it again."

– – –

"Are you sure about this?" you hissed, your grip on Shiro's arm so tight you wouldn't have been surprised if you'd cut off his circulation. The white walls of the Galaxy Garrison vaguely reminded you of the ones that had encircled you at Empire, and it made you feel so very small.

People bustled around you, running this way and that, some in heated conversations on their phones, others scribbling on clipboards, even others jogging a few steps to catch up with someone before engaging in conversation with them. While the walls may have reminded you of Empire, the people within them could not have been more different.

Some of them cast you curious looks when they saw who you were accompanied by–Shiro was just shy of a legend at the Garrison, and he always seemed to walk a bit straighter and keep his chin a bit higher whenever someone told him hello or good morning, nodding and smiling in return.

"You'll be fine," he assured you easily, untangling your hands from his arm and giving them a squeeze. "I've been discussing it with Sam and Iverson for months. They've basically already hired you."

He'd first mentioned it to you a few weeks ago–you'd been casually strolling through the park when he told you that he and Sam Holt had been trying to find a way around your license suspension, maybe even getting you a job at the Garrison. You'd almost walked straight into the little lake where you always fed the ducks.

Now you were headed for an interview–the outcome of which would decide whether you'd be able to work as an engineer ever again. Shiro had faith in you, confident that you'd nail it. You weren't so sure yet, your racing mind and shaking legs proof of that.

"Right," you squeaked, trying to keep your hands from trembling. "That's supposed to calm me down? What if I'm not what they expected? They could take one look at me and promptly decide that I'm not the person for the job after all, you know."

"Relax, Y/N."

"Hm. Relax. Yes. I'm perfectly relaxed."

The rest of the walk was spent in silence, and you had to resist the urge to scoot closer to him with every step. You wanted to grab his hand. But you were a coward, so you didn't. Then Shiro halted in front of a door that said "Commander Iverson," and you felt like all the oxygen was being drained from your lungs.

"Go on. You'll do great." He nudged you towards the door.

"Hold on–wait, wait, you're not coming with me?" you stuttered, gaze flickering from him to the door.

"This is a job interview, Y/N, not a parent-teacher meeting," Shiro hissed with a grin. He briefly touched your hand, and heat seared up your arm. "You can do this, all right?"

Nodding, you flexed your fingers, bouncing on your toes. Now or never. You knocked.

The man you assumed was Iverson almost immediately opened the door, and you were immensely relieved to see Sam standing just behind him. Iverson stuck out his hand and gave you a crude smile. "Y/N L/N, right? Iverson."

You shook his hand. "Pleased to meet you."

His eyes sized you up critically and there was a spark of interest in them. He gestured towards his office. "Shall we take this conversation inside?"

Just as you stepped through the doorway, you managed to catch a glimpse of Shiro's encouraging grin and raised thumbs over your shoulder. It calmed your thumping heart, if only slightly, and as you turned back to Iverson, you felt something in your chest that you hadn't thought you'd feel in a million years–a burst of confidence.

Half an hour later you stumbled back outside, still slightly dazed from the conversation you'd just had. Your eyes were wide and you were clutching the little bundle in your arms as if your life depended on it. To your right, Shiro pushed off the wall he'd been leaning against and arched an eyebrow at you expectantly. "So? How'd it go?"

You stared at him for a moment, face lax, before you breathed a laugh and showed him the Garrison uniform in your arms. "I got the job."

The smile that lit up his face could have illuminated the dark side of the moon and before you knew it he'd wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you off your feet, twirling you around. You yelped in surprise, your hands crashing against his shoulders to keep your balance and you laughed too. In between giggles, you told him to Put me down! Put me down, weirdo, people are looking.

Shiro obliged, though he kept his arms firmly around your waist. "Let them look."

And he looked at you, and you looked at him, and the rest of the world seemed to fall away around you. A beat of silence passed, and heat coursed through your entire body and you were positive that you were on fire at that very moment, and then Iverson opened the door to his office and grunted, "If you two could just–not do that in front of my office. Please," and you leapt out of Shiro's arms like they'd given you an electric shock.

"Right, sir, yes, sir," Shiro said–maybe a bit louder than necessary–trying to keep a straight face, even though his cheeks were the shade of an overripe tomato and he blindly reached for your hand. You took it, grateful for the anchor, and the two of you all but sprinted out of there.

The Garrison parks were nice. Way nicer than you'd expected, and Shiro guided you to a somewhat private spot underneath an oak tree, its canopy providing shade in the warm afternoon sun. He plopped down at the base of the trunk, burying his face in his hands and you joined him, pulling your knees up to your chest and resting your chin on them, gazing into the distance.

"Well. That was probably the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me."

"That's my new boss," you said dryly. "What an impression I must've made."

"Hey." Shiro shot upright, grabbing your shoulders and shaking you back and forth. "You did! You got the job! I told you!"

"Yeah," you said, fingering the smooth fabric of the white and orange uniform. "Yeah, I did."

Shiro let himself fall back on the grass and he put his hands behind his neck, closing his eyes. You watched him, the way his face relaxed in the soft sunlight filtering through the tree's canopy, one cheek pressed against your knees. He cracked open an eye. "I have a question."

"Shoot."

"Why'd you leave that night?"

Your cheeks and neck heated up and you shot upright. "What?"

He sat up, crossing his legs. "You know what I mean."

You did. Somewhere, a selfish part of you had hoped he'd never bring it up and that you could just pretend it never happened in the first place, but that wasn't like him, and there had been tension between the two of you ever since that afternoon in the bakery. You figured maybe it was time to clear that up.

"I don't know," you muttered, raking your fingers through the grass beneath you. "I guess–I was confused, and my boss had just fired me, and–well–" You snuck him a glance, slightly turning away from him. "I was scared."

Shiro cocked his head. "Of what?"

You shrugged, averting your eyes and hiding your face behind your knees again. What you were about to admit felt stupid–childish, naive even–but you felt like he deserved to know the truth of what had gone on in your head that night. "I was scared that it hadn't meant as much to you as it did to me."

Shiro's eyes widened, but you didn't let him talk, feeling the sudden need to elaborate, explain yourself. "I mean–I was afraid that had I stayed, things would be awkward in the morning and it'd ruin our friendship and everything and I didn't want that, but leaving would also put me in a weird position because I'd have to explain later, and I didn't want that either, so that's also one of the reasons why I ghosted you for a month and a half, so neither options were perfect, and I probably chose the wrong one anyway but–"

"Whoa, hey, slow down," Shiro laughed, scooting over in front of you and gently tugging your arms away from in front of your face, forcing you to meet his eyes. The confusion or even annoyance you'd expected to see weren't there. He only looked at you with tenderness and affection and his gaze was warmer than ever. "I get it."

Gulping, you asked, "You do?"

He nodded with a grin. "I do. I get why you were scared because I felt the same way–have been for a long time, now."

You could only stare at him, dumbfounded.

"You mean the world to me, Y/N. You always have. I never thought we could be anything more than friends, even though I hoped it–and then graduation happened, and you got hired at Empire and I got accepted at the Garrison..." He shrugged, linking your fingers together. "And now you're back! And I know we probably shouldn't have done what we did a month ago, but I just can't find it within me to regret it even the slightest bit."

And before you knew it you were rushing forward and crashing your lips on his.

Your hands were cupping his cheeks, and his own were slowly coming up to trace your own cheeks before winding to the back of your neck and lacing through your hair, tilting your head up and closer to him. He pulled away for only a fraction of a second but you had gotten a taste and wanted it more, more, more until you drowned in it, so you chased his lips and kissed him again. You felt him smile against your lips but he finally gave in, a small sigh travelling from his mouth to yours.

And you kissed for what felt like hours, sitting underneath that big oak tree and whispering sweet nothings to each other in between pecks, fingers entwined, and your heart finally felt whole again.

[phanboyo]

Y'know what was always super weird to me? In the episode Danny became Dan because his loved ones died, why was that even a big deal like so what they'll just turn into ghosts they're still around

You know, I think that not every dead person becomes a ghost. I'm not sure about the specifics, but I think that only people with unfinished work/passions or intense emotions become ghosts. Or maybe people whose deaths were Weird and had ectoplasm involved.

I mean, it's true we saw Poindexter's schoolmates but... I'm sure there are plenty of other explanations for that and I don't want to think about the ghost zone being the afterlife!

Even so, I'd imagine turning into a ghost changes people. They're supposed to be echoes of who they were, or focused more entirely on their obsession, or completely different in personality.

Even if they did turn into ghosts that happened to be more or less the same as they were in life, things would never be the same. Sam, Tucker, and Jazz couldn't attend Casper High, Jack and Maddie would certainly have some setbacks in their ghost experiments, Lancer...

Well we all saw how Professor Binns turned out, nobody wants a ghost teaching them about the civil war.

Still, death is traumatic. Even people who believe in the afterlife are distraught and depressed after the death of close family or friends, and Danny lost all of his close family and friends. I mean we joke about Lancer, but he was one of the few people in Danny's life who gave him advice and cared about his well being. He literally doesn't have any humans left. Maybe that's part of it too, after this, his ties with the human realm dwindle significantly. We all know Danny struggles with his identity as a human (Spectra's popularly quoted "ghost blending in with humans or some freaky little boy with freaky little powers" being a great example, considering her whole power is chipping away at people's biggest worries and insecurities), and I'd imagine that having no humans to support you would make that even worse.

Then of course there's the whole "it's my fault they're dead" thing. Danny's hero complex certainly wouldn't help the guilt of inadvertently (or directly, depending on your viewpoint) causing the deaths of the very people he's tried the hardest to protect.

Basically, almost his entire support system has been ripped up and it's his fault. Not too great.

Although, the idea of his friends/family coming back as ghosts is an interesting one... Would they remember everything? Would they form in the far recesses of the GZ, away from the portal? Would they hate what they've become (especially Jack and Maddie), question their humanity, their thoughts, their emotions? Would they wonder if anything they experienced was actually real? Would they resent Danny?

Gosh, and then there's the collateral. The Foleys and Mansons losing their only children? Do you think they'd resent Danny for being the one to survive instead of their kid? I mean, of course they wouldn't say it, no one wants to be responsible for thinking such a selfish thought, but do you think they'd even be able to look at Danny without thinking of their children, now gone?

And of course, this story would surely be in the news. Imagine millions of people pittying him. Do you think Dash would be able to bring himself to spare Danny more than guilty glance? Do you think Paulina would feel bad about the scathing remarks she made about Sam every time she saw Danny wandering the halls alone? Do you think there'd be a hole in the student body at the loss of their vice principal? Do you think they'd realize that he was much better than they gave him credit for?

Imagine Danny calling for Jazz or his parents just after a nightmare and then remembering that they're gone. Imagine him seeing a poster for a new game, exited to tell Sam and Tucker but he feels a pit in his stomach.

Do you think he'd be off his game while fighting ghosts? Do you think Amity Park would notice? Without backup, without anyone to fight for, so distracted, do you think he'd finally be killed?

Do you think Danny does begin to scour the ghost zone, hoping against hope that he'll find one of them? Missing school, putting himself in harm's way, disregarding food or rest, just desperately hoping to find something, to find someone?

Idk, anon. With all the uncertainty of how ghosts are formed, I think their sudden death would still have it's effects. Even if they somehow did become ghosts and by some fluke formed near Amity, and still kept all their memories and personality, there's still a pretty big loss. I think, probably, people just aren't that logical, and probably, ghosts aren't that simple.

[wellward-a]

mary’s girlfriend, eve, who she and lilith accidentally ate RIP in peace:

mary first knew her when they were both in chicago, working as adjunct professors. this was after mary’s first relationship--thus she’d had her lesbian awakening already--and eve............. was just so gay, so like. no issues in terms of mutual recognition and friendship.

they had an unvoiced, unprocessed Thing™ for each other while living in chicago that was still unaddressed when mary left her professorship to return to greendale and care for her terminally ill mother.

they wrote letters to each other off and on and reconnected in person when eve moved to boston for a new position at a university there.

eve was fired from her job. i’m not clear on the specifics right now but there was hostility and tension and it may have been about her being gay, or her sexuality might simply have exacerbated things; either way it ended badly and burned bridges for her there.

she crashed at mary’s. she had no one else she was really emotionally close with and mary was the only person at the time she felt comfortable being honest with about the pain of knowing she’d lost something she cared about by doing the right thing (i.e. not changing herself to be or appear heterosexual).

eve got back on her feet, starting to write small articles for newspapers and journals, gradually regaining her confidence. w the return of her self-esteem, she and mary fell in wuv.

i think she published a book at some point after they got together.

eve was away for the past, idk how many months, maybe for like a guest professorship and then attendance at some kind of REALLY IMPORTANT THING in her field to account for her being away dec-jan after the end of the semester? she went w mary’s blessing because mary knew that as much as eve loved writing and the more cerebral processes of her work, she also missed teaching and interaction w students.

eve, lilith, etc:

mrs. meeks did not introduce eve w any special fanfare--but eve arrived with a bouquet hidden under the coat on her arm for mary. it was valentine’s day ok!!

she was visibly taken aback by the changes in mary’s appearance and especially in her responses. i’ve talked before about how disturbing it is to go looking for mary in lilith’s face and find this cold gorgon there instead. you can imagine how shocking it was to come home after six months and find your gnc cottagecore wood-chopping slightly freaky occult-loving tweed-wearing gf transformed into a winged-eyeliner-wearing ‘straight’ woman.

lilith came home to the cottage not to find it strewn with candles and whatnot but to eve waiting for her with dinner and a genuine request for conversation. she asked if something had happened while she was away because “you look at me so differently. it’s like you hardly recognize me, but i hardly recognize you!”

lilith managed to convince her that things were alright and that she’d just been “experimenting” and “thinking about things” while eve was gone, but that she “did it for you. don’t you like me like this?” she was tempted to kill eve and almost did, but

i’ve talked before about how my lilith was in love with eve in the garden and like. it was too much to have tempted the original eve on satan’s planning; she couldn’t try to destroy another eve now. she wanted to, but she couldn’t. she just felt the way eve slowly relaxed in her arms, thinking it was mary holding her, and she WANTED that. she wanted to be the person who made her feel that way.

they had limited physical intimacy prior to the dark lord’s intervention (unlike in canon where it’s implied lilith is having sex with adam). i’ve spoken before about the extent to which my lilith has MASSIVE hangups around sex. even putting aside the issue of consent w/r/t her having sex with someone in mary’s body: she was scared to have sex with eve, and played it off as feeling nervous/disconnected from her after her long time away.

their dates loosely paralleled what happened on the show and they specifically happened because lilith asked for time to "rebuild their connection.” really she just wanted to be wooed tbh, and to be the focus of loving attention.

rather than a posting to tibet, eve was offered a permanent professorship at the university she’d just been working at, and she asked lilith to move with her there, impulsively suggesting it as a fix to the disconnect she felt in their relationship.

yes, the dark lord killed eve and fed her to lilith/mary. i dont wanna talk about it kids.

mary in all of this:

eve’s existence was a shock to lilith because mary was working, the whole time, specifically to hide her. she fought memories/emotions about her down and tried not to let lilith into that part of her mind. she wasn’t totally successful--indeed, she couldn’t control certain flashes of memory, nor what she dreamed about at night; eve featured quite a bit in those areas of her mind. but lilith thought she was an ex-girlfriend rather than mary’s actual, current life partner.

eve tried to call mary a few times over the months btwn october-february, and wrote her a couple of letters, but lilith virtually never answered mary’s telephone and she was prone to letting mary’s mail pile up, especially because mary got a lot of correspondence from friends and former colleagues and lilith just didn’t care about any of it (remember that she has Depression And Trauma Apathy and isn’t very devoted to maintaining mary’s life). eve’s letters ended up in piles that just got thrown out.

eve wasn’t totally thrown off/disturbed by any of this because... Neurodivergence B Like That Sometimes and she and mary have Same Hat in that regard; plus she’d expected that they’d have gaps in communication. when she spoke to mutual friends in town she’d ask if they’d seen mary and usually got an answer like “she hasn’t come round lately, but i see her all the time going to/from work.”

mary knew when eve was coming back. her knowledge infected lilith with a deep sense of dread and unease as february started.

mary was very very very very very very quiet during the time lilith and eve were “dating” and i think she was struggling deeply watching lilith take over the best, most private and precious part of her life. i think... also... she found it surreal, dreamlike, and painful to be inside a body that was in eve’s arms but not under her own control.

killing and eating hawthorne was one fucking thing, but being fed eve was a whole nother ballgame.

[omgkeeem]

Inside Taekwondo

I was 9 years old when I got myself interested in martial arts. I’m a weird kid back then, showing off my fictional skills in our backyard alone at dark evening with dim lights all over. I was a fat kid that time (well, I still am. but not that much unlike before) And gladly my classmates didn’t have their guts on bullying me, instead they follow me and even respects me as if I’m their master. It’s really funny how it goes seeing myself a bossy one before. I’ve been sent to Principal’s office once, because of pulling on my classmate’s hair --the reason is he kept on blocking the blackboard on purpose where I am still taking down notes-- I didn’t intentionally pulled his hair with extreme force. Adrenaline I guess, who’ll don’t get mad right?. 

Later on 5th grade, I was 10 years old. I joined taekwondo, I was with my Nanny when I got myself on registration because Mom can’t take it that time for being too busy at school and it isn’t a big deal for me because I respect Mom and her career. It was mixed emotion that time, I was watching those kids with different colored belts around their waist, following their Instructor/Master’s command. At night, thoughts kept on flying in my mind, being too excited to start my first training. I was too occupied that time, thinking how I will boast it to my friends that I finally joined taekwondo. I badly wanted to be physical fit those time and to learn different kicks. 

Months inside taekwondo, everything turned out to be just great. At first, I was way way way too shy wearing my white belt with me. Oh I nearly forgot, I was a very silent person that time, well up ‘til now but it’s much worse before. “I’ll just go with the flow i guess”, I told myself. I remember how my Instructor encourages me to join the Unit meet when I stepped on my 6th grade, I was naive, obeying what all elders telling me, So I agreed. I was a Yellow belter, The fight came and it was very fortunate for me that I won the championship game. Motivations all over! shivers through my spines! All the proud from my families and friends came! it was absolutely brilliant. But, Unfortunately, I failed at Divisional meet. I guess I was being too proud of myself for winning my first award in taekwondo during the held Unit meet. I cried that time and been very down lately, but my instructor lifted my chin up and motivates me even more, to practice more because It was just an experience. “At least now, you knew what makes you lose. more training camille! you’ve got this.”. 

Summer, before I turn into Junior High School. I’ve trained harder, atleast 3 times a week. The revenge side has been with me the whole summer. School came, while waiting a long months to play. I focus on my studies first, I got high grades, balancing my role as a student and athlete. Luckily, heaven heard my prayer. I’ve finally selected as one of Taekwondo Regional Players after I won the battle against the Giants!. For snake’s sake, what I hate ‘till now is I’m lack of height hahaha. But, God guided me as if I was David battling against Goliath. 

The day came, when we, taekwondo team are obliged to attend a 7 weeks training outside school. There I realized, how hard taekwondo really is. That it’s not every time you’ll just lean unto someone’s shoulder when everything’s not fine. Taekwondo teaches me to be more independent, to step in life using my own feet. It was my first time, being separated with my mom, miiiiiiles away. I’m in Palawan just with my teammates, coaches and trainor. 

I hid in bathroom at late night evening that time, crying while talking to my mom at phone. Pleasing her to come as soon as possible. But it isn’t that easy because booking an airplane is way too expensive plus she’s at school, she can’t leave her students out of knowledge. We, players have an exclusive ship that time where we stayed in for 3 days before we got there in Palawan. So, my sister had no choice but to book an airplane, ignoring how expensive it was. I, again failed to win and happily brought home the Bronze Medal. “Maybe it’s not yet your time, ok?” My sister calmed me. Telling me how young i am and still have a lots of years to take over. My opponent is a graduating student that time, meaning if she lose the match, she wasn’t able to play next year anymore. I returned at school, receiving all their sweet smile as they congratulate me. My grades got even higher! just a great thing to have as a motivation at school. 

Summer before my 8th grade, I got very tired on attending training 3 times week. The reason is, my friends inside our gym slowly fading out. I mean, every other day, they just went up gone and not showing off their faces anymore. So we were like just 4 inside our gym unlike before that we’re in 20′s. Plus, my instructor trains me to teach the white belters and assist him every training. I had no choice but to follow to the fact that I’m not a fan of spending time with kids, unless they’re that easy to get their attention. I found the training that time, so boring, where I started to leave just for a moment, too. Weeks passed, my sister was so confused asking if we don’t have training schedule those time, there I realized and forgot that I was fully payed for 2 months training session. She scolded me, and I get her point. It was months when I returned at training. And it ripped me off seeing those kids level are already higher than me. I’ll never forget how my instructor welcomed me, “who are you?”  he joked and laughed right after. I know it was a joke but hell it hurts me. The way I feel before when I enter the gym turned out to be different. I felt like I was a noob or new comer. I cried at night regretting all those mistakes I’ve done. But I payed my instructor with hardwork and dedication on training which results a good feedback. But, Still, i didn’t make it to Regional meet again. 

I hated it being too conceited with myself. There I realized that God is challenging me. I realized my mistakes, I forgot to talk to God every before the fight, and everytime it happens, I always lose. Everytime I judge my opponent’s skill, I lose. I lose everytime I assumed that I will win. So I lost all my hopes, It ripped off my positive side. The reason why nearly quit Taekwondo. “Make yourself humble to god” my sister told me which woked me up again to reality. 

I trained continuously. I, again selected as Regional Player when I was in my 9th grade. I worked hard on 1 month training. And been praying every night until the fight came. Again, I lose, receiving all the tormenting words from my trainor, “idiot, stupid!”. Yh, t’was the first time someone called me that and I admit it was all my mistakes. I was covered up all with fear during that match, which gave me unconscious mind inside the rubber mat. Of course I cried again, thinking how much I worked hard on 1 month training and just ended up a loser inside a 2 minutes match. I was so ashamed that I didn’t brought home some medals, not even bronze. I was too guilty at every expenses my family spent for me and for all the knowledge and time that my instructors have shared for me. 

I returned home, and I just found myself staring outside the window, crying. Thinking that If I knew that I’ll just ended up a loser, I’ll rather just use that 1 and a half month time on school instead of training. I talked to God everyday, It just feels so good talking to God in a friendly conversational way while crying. It was as if his talking to you, too, but without voices. He’ll just makes you realize something and poop! there you go. 

I also talked to myself, weird but that’s how I lived my life. I told myself that when I got myself on 10th grade, I’ll just focus on my studies and prepare for my Senior High and aspired course on college. My decision is settled. play no more and go excel on academics!.

I am now a Grade 10 student. Whose living each day to the fullest as if there’ll be no tomorrow. I’ve gained awards and weight, LOL. Been elected as Class President, has joined Journalism and been very disgusted bringing myself on stages as muse, two times at least, both 1st and 2nd placer. No really, not being boastful but honestly I was very annoyed having them encourages me to participate on this kind of event which literally don’t suite my personality. But I’m somehow very thankful because it cured my Speech-anxiety and stage fright a 60 and a half percent. 

Months of success at academics, Idk but I felt like something’s missing and just found myself having a guts on participating the upcoming District meet. I trusted God, and he did never leave my side. Now, he let me joined at Divisional Tournament which I got two gold medals, and right after that God brought me again into National Age Group Taekwondo Tournament and did grant my wish to brought home the Gold and Bronze medal both in two categories I’ve joined, the poomsae and kyurogi. And he still did shower me so much blessings for I just won again yesterday on Divisional meet and selected again as Regional Player which brought me into tears! God did heard my prayer that this will be the last year where I’ll represent my town and province as a player. For I am planning to switch from different school for my Senior High and Career in taekwondo.  As my journey continuous... God knows what’s best for me and I will always stick to his plans for I know he has a better dream for me than mine. 

I thought joining taekwondo will just help me to be physical fit and gain knowledge on different kicks. But taekwondo did a lot for me, I realized that taekwondo is much wider than i think it was before. It transformed me from a shy and fearful one into a sociable and brave one. Taekwondo builds up my characteristic as a humble woman from a boastful one. Taekwondo teaches me how to treat everyone as a family and to stay positive at all times. It teaches me to manage time between school and career. 

Inside Taekwondo, You’ll never see it as a hobby, it’s more like a home where you and your family unites and fight together.

Taekwondo isn’t just a sport, It’s an art of rebuilding your character and conquering your fears at once. 

I wanted to thank God that taekwondo was sent to me for it sheltered me against fears and negativity. Indeed a life changing!

_

i am now on my way to blackbelt degree hihi 

©  omgkeeem

12am | 11/11/17

[hyotaem]

why kim kibum is a RAVENCLAW

first of all kim kibum’s ugly ass can fight me for shoving his “““““““““““slytherin””””””””””” self in my face with all his stupid instagram posts this is the FIRST time i haven’t been excited about him posting. now let’s be real here the sorting hat must’ve been smoking some crack or something if it put kibum in slytherin………. he’s CLEARLY A RAVENCLAW and i have PROOF. SO MUCH proof that i’m about to write six pages of this shit!!!! ten virtual bucks and all of miss sha’s love to you if you actually read all of my anger induced rambling :)

okay!! now let’s get rowling’s awfully one dimensional and un-fleshed-out definition of what a ravenclaw is out of the way : the smart ones. that’s it. “wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure” blah blah all of that. basically the way she set it up in the (amazing) shitshow that was the harry potter books, most people interpreted it as “oh you do well in academics and stuff you get straight as and all that cool jazz so you must be a ravenclaw!” EXCEPT. getting good grades isn’t the only type of intelligence you can have and this especially applies to kibum because although i don’t know how well he did in school i do know that he has immense creative intelligence that screams ravenclaw AND NOT FUCKING SLYTHERIN GOD DAMN IT. also point number two!! if that was the only thing that made you a ravenclaw then hermione wouldn’t be a goddamn gryffindor. if you think back to book one (for those of you that have forgotten already, that’s the sorcerer’s stone or the philosopher’s stone depending on where you came from - a completely unnecessary change that still baffles me because despite the fact that americans are dumb i don’t think we’re THAT dumb that we wouldn’t know what a philosopher is but i digress) there’s that scene while they’re in room with the logic test with the poison and she says something along the lines of “yeah logic and cleverness is great and all but bravery and friendship is where it’s at harry!! now go beat voldemort’s ass!” (keep in mind i don’t have the books in front of me right now lol) it’s because she values those gryffindor qualities more than she values the qualities of intelligence that she was placed in gryffindor but that wasn’t very well expanded on in the books and it isn’t super relevant to ravenclaw kibum so i’ll move on.

one of my biggest points is the whole intelligence isn’t limited to getting good grades in school one. so in 1983 a developmental psychologist (don’t know what that is and i’m too lazy to google but i’m assuming he knew what he was talking about) came up with this theory?? idea?? whatever. that there are in fact nine different types of intelligence and you can’t bullet point in essays so bear with me: there’s naturalist intelligence which is like nature and stuff… not my thing and not kibum’s either so we’ll move forward; musical intelligence - let’s stop this list right here so i can point a giant finger at kibum’s obvious musical talent (which fingers crossed we’ll get to see in his solo album which will happen i have hope) - logical/mathematical (it took me four tries to spell that right could you believe i used to be a three time school spelling bee champion hahhahhahah) which is what i believe most people think of when they think “intelligence;” existential (why do we exist? what is our purpose here on earth? what the fuck exactly is a human? what is consciousness? this is for the ones who have existential crises every other day congrats you’re smart). this paragraph is getting too long lemme move to the next one -

yes hi where were we : interpersonal! this is a another one i think kibum has a lot of; he’s really extroverted and have you ever noticed that he knows like. everyone because he makes friends super easily and everything?? he knows how people work and he’s comfortable around them. next, linguistic intelligence, which he possesses a lot of too - we all know the man’s smart as hell when it comes to languages it’s real sexy; intra-personal (this is like…. knowing yourself and your thoughts/feelings which sounds fake to me but whatever); and last but not least (or yes least depending on how much of it you have) spatial intelligence which yeah kibum has a lot of because this applies to visual art and stuff and also comes in handy if you’re an engineer. (shout out to any of those reading this now stop and go do your job or something fucking nerds!)

so we’ve established that kibum is super intelligent, especially creatively, which you already should’ve known if you’ve been a shawol for longer than two seconds or aren’t stanning solely for visuals… my point is : kibum’s a smart dude!! so one box for ravenclaw checked! i’m not trying to say if you’re not a ravenclaw you’re stupid by the way because all of this means jack shit if you don’t value your intelligence, which brings us back to the whole situation with hermione - she was in gryffindor because gryffindor’s qualities were more important to her. but i think it’s clear kibum takes a whole lot of pride in his creative accomplishments and he’s always looking to add more to his loooooong resumé of cool shit i’ve done at such a young age (taemin has one of those except his is cool shit i’ve done at an even younger age). it’s these traits of his that stand out the most in my opinion which checks another ravenclaw kibum box!

completely unrelated to actual house sorting but kibum looks incredible in blue. pretend i attached pictures for reference.

listen being in ravenclaw isn’t all flowers and rainbows (that’s more hufflepuff; you can find them in the kitchens xx). this emphasis on logic and intelligence can often create a chasm between the more human side of things. ravenclaws tend to forget that emotion plays just a big a part in how things work as pure, cold logic does - which obviously doesn’t always apply, because interpersonal intelligence is a facet of ravenclawism?? let’s pretend that’s a word. ravenclaws can also be real perfectionists and super hard on themselves. and don’t forget that they can get big heads too - placing a higher value on intelligence, creative or not, doesn’t make you better than the rest of the houses, ravenclaws.

trust me, i know. i’m a ravenclaw. fuck pottermore.

i just realized something. in any proper school essay, you never just jump into things the way i did. idk if any of you learned tags?? theme, author, general, specific (or something like that; forgive me if i can’t remember, oh sophomore year honors english teacher) but yeah i forgot to do all that and just kinda went KIBUM IS A RAVENCLAW FUCK HIM so…

i’m assuming whoever’s reading this has either read and/or watched at least one of the harry potter books/movies. if you’ve only ever seen the movies (or worse, just one movie) get the fuck out of my sight! nah, just kidding, i’m ready to explain all this shit to y’all. so buckle in, kids and non kids, because you’re about to have a crash course on hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry completely from my shitty memory!

so hogwarts is this amazing school in england that teaches young, impressionable kids magic tricks but with real magic. it’s the wave your wand, say the latin inspired magic words, and boom! you just turned your rat into a teacup (or if you’re ron, you got stuck halfway and now peter pettigrew is having the worst time of his life since [spoiler]). it’s pretty much the most dangerous place you can send your kid especially if one (1) harry james potter is in the student body, because this snake man with no nose is coming to get him because he’s holding a ten year or so grudge that he couldn’t kill him when he wanted to. also [spoiler] plays a part in that lmao voldemort isn’t that shallow. but he is pretty shallow.

on your first day at this super cool school you put a magic talking hat on your head and it compartmentalizes you into one of four houses based on your personality, your values, and your strengths. it’s like divergent except less black and white. (and if you’ve seen/read divergent and not harry potter get your fucking priorities in order wtf???) you’ve probably heard of these houses - gryffindor, slytherin, ravenclaw, and hufflepuff - even if you know shit about harry potter because you’re friend has said to you “oh yeah i’m a hufflepuff” and you went “oh cool haha sounds fucking dumb” and unfortunately for your poor hufflepuff friend most people look down on hufflepuff. thank god that’s changing and fuck rowling for making it that way. no one has time for her silly “all slytherins are evil” narrative.

rowling-wise (hope y’all are realizing by now that i’m not her biggest fan) the houses are pretty much as one-dimensional as divergent was: gryffindor was for the big, strong, brave people; ravenclaw for the smart; slytherin for… well, evil; and everyone else gets to be a hufflepuff and get labelled as nice. nothing wrong with being nice, but if you’re just nice, you’re boring, and hey, hufflepuffs don’t deserve that. maybe it’s tweaking canon a bit, but fandom has collectively shifted away from these stereotypes and effectively (more effectively than rowling, at least) expanded on what actually makes a gryffindor a gryffindor and so forth. (also, yeah, i thought i was a hufflepuff for years before i took a good look at myself in the mirror and realized i’m a lazy piece of shit that doesn’t deserve to be in that house)

off the top of my head, hogwarts was founded by four wizards with varying levels of assholishness, and their last names are where we get the houses. each one of them basically picked the qualities they wanted to see in their students (gg : “i want the loudmouths who are brave and awesome!” rr: “i want the ones who think being smart is sexy” ss: “i want the ambitious prideful ones” and lovely helga hufflepuff was like “cool i’ll just take the rest they’re amazing too”) and so the houses were formed. things quickly unraveled after that because mr. slytherin was a racist piece of shit and he only wanted the “pure-blooded” families to send their kids to hogwarts (meaning the ones wizarding families who were all wizards) and the rest were like “wtf bro?? what about the mixed kids. or the random muggle-borns blessed with the ability to bewitch??” and salazar was like “nah i’m out goodbye fuckers i hate you all for being open-minded and shit.” so, i mean, it really doesn’t come as a surprise that slytherin gets such a bad rep considering the first ever slytherin was on the high end of the asshole spectrum. and then all that shit with the [spoiler] in chamber of secrets happened, so not only was he an asshole, but he was also fucking insane. good riddance. but the rest stayed, and they made hogwarts famous, and then they died and became ghosts to haunt the corridors of the school or whatever.

so now that your brief hogwarts, a history lesson is over, let’s talk a little more about slytherin because i feel like it! also the whole idea about all slytherins being evil, power-hungry, greedy fuckers is wrong and needs to be dispelled. yes, power does play a huge role in who a slytherin is, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be a “crush everyone underneath me” kind of thing - it’s more like an ambition-driven one. sure, a lot of slytherins are bad, like, say, voldemort, who was so obsessed with power and living forever that he pretty much killed himself, with a little bit of help from our lovely hero harry. and like… i could go into detail about how horrible and abusive snape was (yes he did have a few good qualities but they certainly weren’t redeeming ones fuck off) but i’d max out the number of pages for this essay so maybe another time. if you’re a snape apologist…… well i hope you see the light soon. that’s a real stain on your person. but yeah - not every single slytherin you see is pure evil; regulus black exists (please read the books) and like. narcissa malfoy just wanted to protect her son, you know? doesn’t excuse most of the shit she did but her intentions weren’t completely “oh i want to be powerful also i’m better than everyone because i’m pureblood and you’re not haha.”

also taemin!! there’s a lovely slytherin. smart, ambitious, sweet, great smile, i’ll stop before this turns into a soft rant - taemin is textbook slytherin but surprise he isn’t in the game just so he can put other people down. and i wasn’t serious about my other if you’re blank then stop reading this but if you don’t think taemin’s a slytherin you can exit. right now. i’m serious i don’t want to be associated with y’all. AND IT’S EVEN WORSE IF YOU THINK HE’S A HUFFLEPUFF!!! you’re going to put lee “work over relationships” taemin into hufflepuff? he’s pure slytherin; he’s driven by ambition - idk if you noticed when he was talking about his budokan concerts but he mentioned how he worked so hard on it for his own sake. he wanted to prove to himself as well as others that he could pull off something so grand and incredible (and he did but once again that’s soft rant territory so i’ll pull back) and that’s slytherin. this isn’t necessarily in a bad way, but he’s so willing to throw his members under the bus for his own sake - go watch their weekly idol. THAT DOESN’T MAKE HIM EVIL LMAO a big part of being a slytherin is relationships with others!! when the worst comes to worst, loyalty is important to slytherins. it’s not one of their defining characteristics like it is for gryffindor but it’s still super important. that’s not to say he doesn’t have hufflepuff traits (y’know, working hard! being dedicated!) but those coupled with entirely slytherin motivations of proving oneself and becoming the best they can be point him towards slytherin’s direction. slytherins have a tendency of throwing everyone and everything away (including, many times, themselves) for the sake of achieving their goal and taemin is a perfect example of that. sure, he’s as sweet as a person who laughs when other people are crying can be, but that doesn’t automatically make him a hufflepuff. it’s not like everyone who isn’t a hufflepuff is mean or that every hufflepuff is a gooey pile of chocolate and sunshine.

anyway… this is about kibum…

(fun fact : the animal associated with the ravenclaw house is actually an eagle. something about soaring to new intellectual heights or something. would’ve been easier to just make it a raven because it’s not like ravens can’t fly too but whatever.)

probably one of the biggest roadblocks with sorting people into hogwarts houses is the overlap that occurs between traits of different houses. having one trait - or even a few of them - doesn’t automatically mean you fit solidly into a house, because you have to take your own ideals and values into account, as well as the way you approach things in life. it’s not to say kibum isn’t ambitious, because yeah, he is, but the way his ambition is directed towards his creative pursuits for the sake of expanding his creative intelligence is a ravenclaw thing you know?? same with jonghyun (who is also a ravenclaw) - the way he approaches all of his creative pursuits is completely in the artistic sense. jonghyun is creatively brilliant - let’s look at his radio show, or his song-writing, or his composing, or his book writing, etc. - and just because he’s a ravenclaw doesn’t mean he’s not ambitious. sure he’s ambitious but is anyone sitting here calling him a slytherin?? no, seriously - does anyone think jonghyun’s a slytherin? because i’ve never seen that. most people put him in hufflepuff and not ravenclaw… but why? is it because he’s soft? because that’s a hell of a stereotype, too, and it’s not like all ravenclaws are cold, emotionally detached bitches who only care about getting 100 percents on their quizzes.

what i’m trying to say is people can’t be categorized into boxes the way the houses were originally constructed; otherwise, most of the population would just be hufflepuffs. sorting also takes your personal wishes, your goals, what you think is important into consideration. so, yeah, if kibum really wanted he could totally be a slytherin, but it would pretty much be for the sake of being a slytherin because that cunning is not what he deems most important. let’s go back to harry potter himself - the sorting hat was really fucking ready to put him in slytherin, and as much as you can argue that it was because a piece of voldemort, of evil, was in him or whatever, you can’t deny that harry has a lot of inherently slytherin traits. he knows how to work people, he knows how to get out of tricky situations because he’s witty and yeah, cunning as hell. and yes, he asked not to be put in slytherin, but that’s mainly because he walked into hogwarts having heard nothing but stereotypes about the house (like that one line that ron said about how not everyone in slytherin was evil but how everyone evil came from slytherin, the whole square rectangle relationship). and keep in mind that he didn’t specifically ask to be put into gryffindor but that the sorting hat recognized those qualities that he also had and the fact that he valued them more as well and made the decision to sort him into gryffindor.

sorting is a tricky business, thanks to those gray areas. there are ravenclaws that could be academically behind others, but they work their asses off because they want to learn. hard work is, again, technically a hufflepuff trait but their objective, their main focus, is the learning aspect which makes them a ravenclaw! an excellent real life example would be minho, who you can argue has several gryffindor traits, like… he’s loud and i guess he’s brave and all, but hufflepuff fits him a thousand times better. the importance he places on relationships and especially loyalty is purely hufflepuff and he makes a damn good one, too. i think that’s what annoys me most about people who think taemin’s too “sweet” or “nice” to be a slytherin - i hate to break it to you, but not every slytherin is mean and selfish. they just value being at the top because they believe they deserve it, and you can’t really fault a person for that, and it doesn’t mean they think everyone else is automatically lesser, either.

i’m going to wrap this up now because i want to watch final life and i’ve also made pretty much every point i can think of right now. kibum might be out there dropping $100+ on overpriced slytherin wands and parading around in his slytherin scarf but honestly? i’m still convinced he’s a ravenclaw because it just fits him so much better. but i guess slytherin is a good second choice! he really made me angry enough to write an entire goddamn essay about this wow

[kangdan101]

questions tag :)

tagged by @hwangminyeo :’) lmao im sorry my life is so uninteresting but it was fun to answer these still heh

THE LAST

·        drink: water! Recently I’ve been trying to drink more water bc I am extremely dehydrated; i tend to drink like 1 cup a day (lol) stay hydrated kids

·         phone call: this morning!

·         text message: like one min ago I was just arguing with my friend whether or not our math teachers first name is jose or not (update: I was right, it IS jose xD)

·         song you listened to: ENERGETIC BY WANNA ONE!!11

·         time you cried: maybe like 15 min ago…????? Lmfao I was watching wanna one sing always and I got emotional (i cry about everything)

·         HAVE YOU EVER

·         dated someone twice: it’s hard to date someone twice if you’ve never dated someone at all lol (motae solo like minhyun)

·         kissed someone and regretted it: no

·         been cheated on: no

·         lost someone special: yes :’(

·         been depressed: yes. This last year was really really hard for me. Balancing dance and school and everything made me super stressed and I started to pull myself away from ppl :/ tbh produce kinda got me out of it lol and im 100% ok now

·         gotten drunk and thrown up: nope (lol bc I’ve never drank before hahaha theres so many things I haven’t done)

·         3 FAVORITE COLORS

·         Baby blue

·         Mint green

·         Peach pink ;)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

·         made new friends: yes

·         fallen out of love: no 

·         laughed until you cried: literally I laugh way too much for my own good

·         found out someone was talking about you: I don’t think so :o

·         met someone who changed you: yes, many of them! (esp kangdan tho)

·         found out who your friends are: yes :)

·         kissed someone on your Facebook list: yikes no

GENERAL

·         how many Facebook friends do you know in real life: mostly all my fb friends go to my school but I don’t actually know some of them? So I’d say like 70%

·         do you have any pets: I’d like to think my little brother Anthony is secretly a dog bc he resembles one and can get hella wild sometimes lmao

·         do you want to change your name: my name is legit the most basic Chinese name ever I know like 3 other people with the exact same first and last name and alskdjgowaei;lskdfj it gets on my nerves sometimes I always liked the name lilia / lily but in 7th grade I met this girl whose name was Philomena and its now my favorite name ever

·         what did you do for your last birthday: lmao I studied bc I had a hUge test the next day and your girl’s serious about her grades man

·         what time did you wake up: LMAO I woke up twice this morning: first time at 4:40 to catch WANNA ONE DEBUT and then went back to sleep @ 6 am; woke up again at 7:30 am for class

·         what were you doing at midnight last night: I was on tumblr watching everyone hype about wanna one it was gr8

·         name something you can’t wait for: finishing junior year + SAT shit :/ lol my junior year hasn’t even started yet but im so nervous I hope I don’t screw up and thinking about it is making my heart beat faster yikes (wish me luck guys hopefully im still alive by june)  

·         when was the last time you saw your mom: a few min ago~

·         what are you listening to right now: my little brother Anthony is singing shape of you and its not pretty lol (he’s eleven)

·         have you ever talked to a person named tom: I don’t really remember

·         something that is getting on your nerves: the SAT omygod I just really want it to be over and im SO NERVOUS also anthony’s singing is starting to bug me (he changed songs and now he’s singing gibberish and it’s very distracting)

·         most visited website: probably youtube/fb/tumblr

·         hair color: blackish-brown. my roots are black but the ends seem to be browning a lil? Probably since it’s summer now and the sun is working its magic 

·         long or short hair: medium length! Like halfway down my back???

·         do you have a crush on someone: nope & haven’t had one for like two years

·         what do you like about yourself: my monolids? But my mom wants me to get surgery lmfao also i like that i have a naturally high foot arch bc its helpful for dance :)))

·         blood type: a… I think?

·         nickname: name: sarah; nicknames: sawa, sala, salad, swisso (I promise this makes sense in context), moon, moonmoon (these make sense in context too lol)

·         relationship status: single mom of my 98 produce children and always have been lollll

·         zodiac: capricorn

·         pronouns: she/her

·         favorite tv show: descendants of the sun, suspicious partner, I hear your voice, once upon a time, produce aka a horrible show that hurts u in all sorts of ways (pls rec me some bc I wanna binge some tv shows before school starts)

·         tattoos: none atm but maybe when I’m older I want a tiny star, or a tiny moon, or maybe my Chinese name?

·         right or left handed: Right

·         surgery: I got eye surgery done when I was rly young bc the gland between my eyes and nose was blocked which basically made me cry ALL THE TIME (like even when I’d be staring at nothing)

·         sport: I dance! And I used to do rhythmic gymnastics but I had to quit bc school was getting too busy I miss rhythmic gymnastics so much u have no idea

·         vacation: I think I’m going to go out touring colleges along the east coast near the end of august!!!

·         pair of shoes: I wear my converse a lot as well as my nike free runs. But other than that my shoe collection is p limited rippp

·         MORE GENERAL

·         eating: just finished dinner

·         drinking: nothing atm xD gdi in the beginning of this tag I wanted to be more hydrated and look where I am now lmao

·         I’m about to: wash the dishes that we used for dinner

·         waiting for: the day I graduate high school so I can go to college and take classes I love and alskdgjaowlfkdsfj (lmao im such a nerd im sorry)

·         want: to eat some ice cream (I love ice cream)

·         get married: that would be a miracle tbh

·         career: high school student / summer school teachers assistant  THE KIDS I TEACH ARE SO LOUD AND WILD theyre legit animals everytime I step into the classroom i can’t believe these 8th graders are capable of such chaos

WHICH IS BETTER

·         hugs or kisses: I luv hugs and I luv kisses

·         lips or eyes: both???

·         shorter or taller: taller (its not hard to be taller than me lol)

·         older or younger: older

·         nice arms or nice stomach: I think…. Arms 

·         hook up or relationship: relationshiip

·         troublemaker or hesitant: jesus idk I’ve never dated so I really wouldn’t know alskdjgoalkdsfj (but i mean troublemaker is a gr8 song??)

HAVE YOU EVER

·         kissed a stranger: no that sounds scary :0

·         drank hard liquor: no

·         lost glasses/contact lenses: I LOsT MY GLAssES IN FLORIDA ONCE agldkgjaosdfkj I swear I put it down on the airport seat and when I turned around THEY WERE GONE I spend a good 2 hours looking for them but they legit disappeared :/ to this day I am still wondering where that pair of glasses went

·         turned someone down: yes

·         sex on the first date: no 

·         broken someone’s heart: i sure hope not 

·         had your heart broken: no

·         been arrested: no

·         cried when someone died: so many times

·         fallen for a friend: lowkey yes but they still don’t know about that

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

·         yourself: I try to

·         miracles: yes or else what will happen to me in the future I need miracles to carry me bc my luck is trASH

·         love at first sight: no

·         santa clause: maybe for the first few years but then I caught my parents

·         kiss on the first date: no

·         angels: idk actually… I guess?

OTHER

·         eye color: brown; I feel like my eyes have been getting lighter over the years bc the outside of my iris is like brown but near the pupil its more of a hazel

·         favorite movie: I have so many omg I luv spirited away, howls moving castle, the book thief, and I recently watched wonder woman (pls rec some movies too im always in the mood for one :D) 

im tagging anyone who wishes to do this!