#but i somehow just. parried them all or whatever

[mothsantics]

examples include:

paper mario: the thousand year door; played a bit at the age of 9 i think, and happened to stop RIGHT BEFORE VIVIAN APPEARED?? how did i manage to avoid such a swift egg cracking

homestuck; a friend told me to read it when i was 13, i read to act 1 and asked him to remind me and he never did. it occurred to me years later he probably suggested it as a joke. i then read it at 16 years old when a new friend i made suggested to me in earnest (honestly, if i had read homestuck at 13 at best i wouldve been a cringe trans girl while still in middle school and wouldve been eaten alive by the other kids who thought homophobia was hilarious. at worst i wouldve picked up on the ableist jokes as well as the other annoying humor WITHOUT the transgenderism)

warrior cats; a friend told me to read the books in middle school, so i was like 11-13 years old, and i read the first book, but i got too overwhelmed with the sheer amount of books in the series

madoka magica; i watched a couple episodes when i was like 14 but then just forgot to watch more. i watched the rebellion movie without having watched more than that of the og series when i was 16

one piece; i read the first couple arcs via the manga when i was like 12, and then dropped it after my family stopped visiting the library as much. i then tried watching the anime a couple years later, but i didnt enjoy it as much as the manga :( plus much with warriors cats i got overwhelmed with the sheer volume of material

besides these examples, theres a couple webcomics i cannot remember for the life of me but i swear they were the type that wouldve done something to my brain chemistry

thinking about the fact that i nearly enjoyed multiple media throughout my young life that WOULD HAVE changed me forever but instead i only got thru the beginning before entirely forgetting to continue it

[fanfoolishness]

messy

When Elgar'nan and Solas battle in Rook's mind, she gains a new sense of empathy for Lucanis' struggle with Spite -- and Lucanis finds a new fear. Lucanis x Rook, a little angst, a little whump, lots of cuddles and conversation. 2500 words, post-"Blood of Arlathan."

---

Lucanis followed Rook and Neve, his senses muted and muffled. This was not the real world, this trap of Elgar’nan’s. He knew that much even without Spite raging in the back of his mind. The world shimmered around them, gauzy and insubstantial, as they tried path after path only to be transported back to the beginning.

“We’re wasting time,” Rook lamented, her pale eyes wide with worry. Soot and blood smudged her cheeks, remnants of their earlier battles against Ventatori and darkspawn. “We have to find the clan!” She charged forward again into the fog, then stopped suddenly, looking confused.

“Did you two hear that?” she asked, gaze fixed on something Lucanis couldn’t see. 

“Hear what?” Neve asked, giving Rook a curious expression.

There is nothing here, Spite agreed. Trapped! We cannot get out!

“No,” Lucanis said, troubled.

Rook took a few more steps into the mist, then stopped, twisting her head to one side as she had when Elgar’nan had attempted to sway them all. She rubbed at her face, her eyes darting wildly. “I just heard Solas. Tell me you heard that.”

“No,” Lucanis said slowly as Neve shook her head. Rook winced, distress crossing her face.

“I don’t know how, but I can hear him. He says there isn’t much time, that he’s going to try to distract Elgar’nan somehow. Come on. I think it’s the only chance we’ve got.” She led them into the haze, and Lucanis matched her pace to stay by her side. 

He had long ago learned to control his fear, something all Crows faced young. One could not survive as an assassin by operating from a place of fear. Fear led to exploitation by enemies, to holding back when the killing blow was at hand. He had not been afraid for his own life for many, many years.

But seeing the way Rook stopped abruptly, tilting her head with one long ear pressed against her shoulder, her grey eyes vacant -- new fear roared up within him, and he did not know how to quell it. 

He waited for her to speak, praying that she came back to him.

“They’re fighting,” Rook said, each word looking like it took great effort. “It’s nasty. They loathe each other.” She gritted her teeth. “Come on.”

“Are you all right, Rook?” Neve asked, reaching out and touching her on the shoulder. Rook startled at the touch, her eyes wide and haunted. 

“I’m fine. We’ve just -- got to keep going.”

Not possessed! Something else, Spite said urgently, and Lucanis wanted to believe him. But Spite was a normal demon, if there was such a thing; he was not a god, and he did not have the powers of one. Who knew what Elgar’nan and Solas could do to Rook?

Mist billowed around them, then a sensation of shifting, the sense that they were back on solid ground. “You led us out!” Lucanis said proudly. 

Rook gave him a wan smile. “Thank Solas, not me, and hurry.We’ve still got time to save the clan.” She broke into a run over the stonework path, staff held tight in one hand, and Neve and Lucanis ran after her. 

“She’s got this, Lucanis,” Neve said under her breath. “I don’t think whatever’s happening is hurting her, exactly. We’ve just got to hope it helps.”

Can’t see it. Can’t hear it! Spite said. I would know a demon!

And a god? Lucanis thought. But then Venatori rounded the corner, rushing at them, and he and Spite flowed together, a blur of blades and blood. Neve was right. They had this, and they would find a way to stop the sacrifice and save the Dalish. 

He parried a Venatori’s blade, then drove his own deep between the man’s ribs, Spite cackling with glee. Around the battlefield magic flew, the iron stench of blood magic, Neve’s crisp clean ice spells, the musty-sweet scent of Rook’s necromancy. The tide was turning --

“Rook! On your left!” he shouted as a Venatori knight rushed her from the side, shield raised and sword at the ready. She should have sidestepped, skimming across the surface of the Fade to reappear safely on the other side. He had seen her do it a thousand times. 

But she didn’t turn, didn’t respond at all, and his heart leapt into his throat. “Rook!” He ran to help her, Spite urging him on faster. He was nearly there when a burst of ice magic shattered against the knight just as he reached Rook, battering her with a single blow of his shield as the chill took hold. She crumpled. Lucanis’ dagger tore through the man’s throat an instant later, and he shoved the body aside, turning his attention to Rook.

Lucanis dropped to the ground beside her. “No, no --” He turned her over, his heart pounding, Spite incoherent and frantic. Relief washed over him.

She was pale but alive, dazed but conscious. His hand scrabbled at his belt for a healing potion, and he forced himself to steady his hands as he tilted it to her lips. She swallowed, coughing, the color in her cheeks looking better instantly. “Thanks, Lucanis,” she gasped, taking his proffered hand as he hauled her to her feet. 

His heart slowed again, and Spite ceased his agitated chatter. Rook. Is all right!

Lucanis scanned the battlefield. There was only one more enemy left, and with a howling blizzard conjured up by Neve, the Venatori mage collapsed and breathed her last. He let out a long sigh and turned back to Rook. “What happened? I tried to warn you, but I couldn’t get there in time --”

“I couldn’t hear you,” she admitted, nearly in tears. “They’re deafening.” She winced as he reached out to touch a slash on her head. “Never mind. We have to --” She grimaced, twisting her head to the side, one ear down toward her shoulder. “Shut up already!” 

Neve reached them, her face tight with worry. “Rook. Come on. I know you have this,” she said. 

“Yeah,” Rook said, breathing heavily. “Let’s finish this.”

Rook hurts. Help Rook!

I don’t know how, he thought, and he shoved the fear down as deep as it could go.

---

It seemed like days since the battle and rescue at Arlathan Crater, but realistically it was a matter of hours. They’d found the elves at last and gotten to safety. Somehow they made it through what happened: the hike back to the Veil Jumpers’ eluvian, making sure the rescued elves were safe, tending to injuries and meeting with the team. 

So much in such little time. Lucanis felt the exhaustion deep in his bones. He knew there was still so much more to come -- slaying Elgar’nan’s archdemon and killing the gods, aiding Treviso, Minrathrous, their team. He hoped he could manage to sleep tonight after everything.

But he knew he’d never manage it if he still feared so for Rook. The way she’d gone so distant, face empty; he’d lost her even though she was right beside him. That loss, even for a moment, had been terrifying. And the thought that kept crawling back into his head, just as terrifying --

Is this how she feels when Spite takes over?

He shook the thought away as best he could. She was here now, safe from Elgar’nan, safe from Solas doing whatever he’d done. He had to believe it, for her sake as well as his own.

He took the stairs lightly, then made his way down the narrow hall to her room. He raised a hand and rapped at the door. “It’s me. May I —“

The door swung open before he could finish the sentence. Rook smiled tiredly at him, a welcome sight. She’d traded her armor for soft linens in Mourn Watch greens and violets, and she’d let her dark hair down for the evening, hiding some of the fresh scratches on her face. “Well, well, well. I’d been getting ready to come see you. Thanks for saving me the trip.”

His face creased into a smile. “You’re all right.”

“In a manner of speaking,” she said. She smiled back at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Anyway, do come in. I wanted to say… that is, there’s some things I wanted to…” She crossed her arms, heading back to the settee. He followed her and closed the door behind him, and they sat down together. “Eurgh. I’m a mess right now.”

“A beautiful one,” Lucanis pointed out.

She snorted, then laughed. “How are you somehow the most earnest man who ever lived?”

“It is easy to be earnest when speaking the truth,” he said, shrugging with a soft smile. He hoped to have put her at ease, but as her laughter faded, he could see something dark and shuttered behind her eyes. Not all right, then.

He reached out cautiously. Their first attempt at a kiss had been disastrous, but he was growing more comfortable with the language of touch, especially smaller touches like her hand in his, a close embrace, small, still-clumsy kisses. But those had been moments of stolen sweetness, not attempts to offer comfort after dark times. He rested his hand on her shoulder, hoping this was right. 

“How are you really?” 

She looked up at him, her smile gone, her face stricken. Then she closed the distance between them, scooting beneath his arm and resting her head against his chest. He froze for a moment in surprise, then softened, welcoming her closeness. 

“Sorry,” she said, her voice muffled as she wrapped her arms around his waist. “I just — wanted to feel you were here. That I was here.”

He let his arm relax around her shoulders and pulled her closer, sighing. “You have nothing to apologize for.” He took a deep breath. Her hair smelled freshly cleaned, with faint scents of lavender and woodsmoke —

Smells like fear. Confusion!

He frowned. “So… you are all right. Only in a manner of speaking.”

“I’m sorry,” she said.

”For what?” he asked, bewildered. “You led our team safely through a den of vipers. We rescued the elves. What more could you have done?”

”It’s not that. It’s… I understand better now. What it must be like to have Spite in your head, all the time.” She lifted her head, and dark circles shadowed her eyes. “Solas has been in my head since this all started, but… it’s different. The connection between us is tenuous, and he’s only been able to make contact through the Veil when I meditate and drop all other thoughts. It’s been my choice to contact him. The prison he’s in in the Fade is powerful, and it keeps him bound.” She shivered. “Until Arlathan.”

”What did you hear?” Lucanis asked gently. “Neve and I never truly heard what you did. You said that Elgar’nan and Solas fought —“

”It wasn’t just words,” Rook said, releasing her arms from around him and leaning back against the settee. She reached up to where his arm circled her shoulders, and took his hand in hers, squeezing tightly. “It was all-encompassing. It was difficult to see, to fight, to walk, even to breathe. Their rage was so tremendous. Their power. I felt like an ant beneath them, and as for my own thoughts — when I could get them back — I kept thinking, And Lucanis struggles with Spite, all the time.”

We have a deal! Spite chimed. Not a struggle! Not now. Not so much.

“It is better between us,” Lucanis said. Not a struggle still wasn’t exactly true, but it was not like the early days, when he stayed awake for two or three days at a time, refusing to sleep and lose control. He shivered. “Not like a god. I think… I know how to bear him now.” He sighed. “But you, Rook… it was hard to see you like that.” He squeezed her hand, his heart aching.

“Why? What was it like?” Rook asked haltingly.

He thought for a moment. “You are fierce in a fight, you know. Your focus, your power, your magic -- you are brilliant.”

She gave him an awkward, surprised smile. It was terribly charming. “I’m sorry, was I asking why I’m so incredible?”

Lucanis chuckled. “You may as well have been.” His smile faded. “But seeing their voices in your mind, knowing I couldn’t help you -- it frightened me, Rook. And I am the sorry one.”

She reached up, laying her hand against his cheek. “What could you have to be sorry about?”

“If you -- feel as I do --” He ducked his head. “Then seeing Spite take control of me must be…” He exhaled heavily, and she looked at him, her eyes too bright. He closed his own, hesitating.

“Before, I did not wish you to see me that way for my own sake. But now I wonder if you felt this same fear as I did. Seeing the woman I--” Not that word, not yet. But… soon. “-- care about, struggling against what could not be controlled, knowing I could do nothing to save you --”

She gazed into his eyes, then rested her head on his shoulder again, drawing him close once more. “Lucanis, you never need to apologize for who you are. For what Spite is. If I worry for you, that’s mine to bear. What was it you said before? ‘I deserve better than you and your mess’? Well, it’s too late for that now. It’s our mess.”

She felt so right in his arms, solid and true, warm and close. He bowed his head over her. “Our mess. I think I can handle that.”

She laughed, warm huffs of breath against his neck. He shivered. Oh, but she felt good this way.

“Lucanis?”

“Yes, Rook?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“But of course.”

She sat up, the smile on her face fading. “Would you… stay the night tonight?”

For a moment his mind whited out, Spite curious and cackling in the background, his heart nearly pounding out of his chest. Rook’s face flashed immediately with understanding, and she rested her hand on his vest. 

“Not for that. I’m exhausted, and I know you’re not ready,” Rook said gently. “I just meant, could we fall asleep together?”

He felt a smile slide over his face. To hold her in his arms for longer, to wake up beside her in the morning? That would be a fine thing indeed.

“I am yours, Rook.”

---

They did not sleep at first; there was still much talking to do of the elves, of the gods, of Treviso and the Antaam. Her determination and her clever plans were just as intriguing to him as her smile and her laugh. But when at last Rook’s eyes fluttered closed and her breathing grew deep and heavy, Lucanis leaned back against the settee, finding a way for them to fit together. Her elbows nudged his ribs, and her chin was somehow dagger-sharp, digging into his breastbone. But she was warm and soft and safe within his arms, and he fell asleep beneath the Fadelight, his fears at last forgotten.

[novaursa]

rhaegar targaryen redemption arc 🙏🏻🙏🏻 thank you for your work queen ♥️ (he was fr a villain in the books)

The Crown of Winter Roses (Redemption)

- Summary: Rhaegar starts the Rebellion by stealing his sister, you.

- Pairing: sister!reader/Rhaegar Targaryen

- Note: I've blended in your request into this series, dear anon. I hope you don't mind. 🙂 And yeah, I as well blame Rhaegar for everything that happens in ASOIAF.

- Rating: Mature 16+

- Previous part: 2

- Tag(s): @sachaa-ff @alyssa-dayne @oxymakestheworldgoround

The years had weathered Rhaegar Targaryen, carving lines of age and regret into a once-youthful face. The sun was low in the sky, casting shadows across the courtyard of the modest estate they now called home. He stood at the edge of the training yard, watching the figures move before him: a young girl with silver-gold hair that glinted in the fading light, her sword flashing as she sparred with her teacher, her laughter ringing out clear and bright.

Daenerys. His daughter. His salvation.

She was everything he had hoped for, everything he had feared he would never deserve. Born in a time of chaos and loss, she had been the one light that had kept him from drowning in the darkness of his own guilt. He watched her now, so vibrant and full of life, a fierce joy burning in her eyes as she practiced the sword forms she had insisted on learning. It was not the way of the Targaryens to wield steel, but she had her mother’s stubborn spirit, and Rhaegar had not had the heart to deny her.

He glanced over at you, standing a little distance away, your gaze fixed on Daenerys with a look of quiet pride. You had forgiven him—gods knew why, but you had. Even after everything, after the lies, the betrayal, the war that had torn the realm apart, you had stood by him. It was your strength, your love, that had given him the courage to change, to try to atone for the past.

The rebellion had ended in blood and ruin. Robert Baratheon sat on the Iron Throne now, his rule uncontested. The Targaryens had been shattered, scattered like ashes in the wind. Rhaegar had fled with you, with Daenerys, to this distant corner of Essos, where no one cared about fallen kings or broken crowns. He had abandoned his claim to the throne, left behind the dream of prophecy and power that had once consumed him.

In the quiet years that followed, he had learned what it meant to truly live. It had not been easy. The weight of his sins was always there, a constant, silent companion. The faces of those he had lost, those he had failed, haunted his nights. He could still see Elia’s eyes, the terror in them as he left her behind, could still hear the cries of his children as they were torn from this world before they had even truly lived. 

But through it all, you had been there, your presence a balm to his wounded soul. You had been the one to pull him from the abyss, to remind him that there was still something worth fighting for, even if it was no longer a crown or a kingdom. And then there was Daenerys, the unexpected miracle that had brought him back to life. She had been born amidst the ashes of his old dreams, and in her eyes, he had found a new purpose, a new hope.

He watched as she parried a blow, her movements fluid, graceful. She was strong, not just in body but in spirit. She had inherited your fire, your fierce will, and every day he thanked whatever gods still listened that she had also inherited your heart. She did not carry the burden of prophecy, of expectation. She was free to be herself, to choose her own path. And that, more than anything, was his redemption.

Once, he had believed he was meant to be the savior of the realm, the hero of some grand destiny. Now he knew better. His role was not to save kingdoms or fulfill prophecies. It was to be a father, a husband, to protect and cherish the family that had somehow come to love him despite his failings.

Daenerys glanced over at him, her face flushed with exertion, her eyes bright. “Did you see that, Father?” she called, her voice full of pride and excitement.

Rhaegar smiled, the simple joy of that moment filling his heart. “I did, sweetling. You’re becoming quite the swordswoman.”

She grinned, a flash of white teeth, and then turned back to her training, her focus unwavering. He marveled at her resilience, at the strength she possessed. He had tried to shield her from the shadows of his past, from the darkness that had once consumed him, but she was wise beyond her years. She knew more than he wished she did, understood the burden he carried even if she did not fully grasp its weight.

As he watched her, he felt the familiar pang of regret, the ache of old wounds that had never truly healed. But it was different now. The regret did not consume him as it once had. He had found a way to live with it, to carry it without letting it destroy him. And that was because of you, because of Daenerys, because of the life you had built together here, far from the shadows of the Iron Throne.

He turned to you, his heart full as he looked into your eyes. “Thank you,” he said softly, the words carrying the weight of everything he felt, everything he could never truly express.

You smiled, that smile that had always been his sanctuary. “For what?”

“For this,” he gestured to the courtyard, to Daenerys, to the life that surrounded them. “For saving me. For giving me a reason to keep going.”

You stepped closer, your hand reaching out to clasp his. “You saved yourself, Rhaegar. I just reminded you that there was something worth saving.”

He pulled you into his arms, holding you close, the warmth of your body a comfort against the lingering chill of his memories. “I love you,” he whispered, his voice breaking with the intensity of his emotions. “I love you so much.”

You held him, your hand running through his hair, your touch gentle, soothing. “I love you too, Rhaegar. We’ve come so far, haven’t we?”

He nodded, his throat tight. “We have. And I will spend the rest of my life making sure that what we’ve built here, what we have, is never taken from us.”

You pulled back slightly, looking up at him, your eyes shining with unshed tears. “You’ve already done that. You’ve given us a home, a family. You’ve given Daenerys a life free from the chains that once bound us.”

He kissed you then, a soft, lingering kiss that spoke of love and loss, of gratitude and hope. When he pulled back, you smiled, and he felt a sense of peace settle over him, a peace he had never thought he would find.

Daenerys ran over, her training session finished, her face flushed with triumph. “Did you see, Mother?” she asked eagerly. “Did you see how I beat Ser Jorah?”

You laughed, reaching out to brush a stray lock of hair from her forehead. “I did, my dragon. You were magnificent.”

She beamed, and Rhaegar felt his heart swell with pride. This, he thought, this is what it means to be redeemed. Not the grand gestures of kings or the fulfillment of prophecies, but the simple, everyday moments of love and laughter, of family and home.

He watched as you and Daenerys began to talk, your voices mingling in the quiet of the evening, and for the first time in so many years, he felt truly free. Free from the shadows of the past, free from the ghosts that had haunted him. He had found his redemption not in power or glory, but in the love of his family, in the laughter of his daughter, in the warmth of your embrace.

And as the sun set below the horizon, casting the world in hues of gold and crimson, he knew that whatever lay ahead, whatever trials the future might bring, he was ready. Because he had found his way back to the light. Because he had found his way back to you.

[inaris-mage-of-storms]

More pirates, beloved readers? Part of whatever I've got going on with Dream of the Devil. Written as a gift for @solsearchingnights.

-

Scott fights like a dancer.

Sweep, step, slice, spin. Every movement looks choreographed, like he knew his opponent's moves weeks ahead of time instead of the seconds it takes him to read their body language. Even the ungainly shuffle he makes when he stumbles over a loose rock looks like it's part of the performance, with how quickly he recovers and gracefully slides into the next parry.

Martyn fights like...well, Scott isn't sure what to compare it to. It's fierce and brash and unpredictable and something uniquely Martyn.

His parents would absolutely hate it, Scott thinks as they spar. (Personally, he loves it.) His parents would absolutely hate Martyn, in general. (Personally, he...)

(He isn't going to admit that part.)

Martyn sweeps him off his feet with a triumphant grin.

"I've got you!" he crows, the point of his sword inches from Scott's throat.

"So you do," admits Scott weakly, lying flat on his back and staring up at him. So you do.

Martyn sheathes his sword and takes a step back. "You are way too predictable," he taunts. It isn't true; Scott's been told by more than one exhausted opponent that he surprises them every time. "Should really work on that. You're easier to read than my paper, honestly - hey!"

The second Martyn turns his back, Scott tackles him. Martyn twists as they fall, and now he's the one on his back and staring up as Scott straddles his waist. "I'm sorry, who's predictable?" says Scott with his own triumphant grin. "You shouldn't turn your back on anyone you don't trust."

"But I do trust you," says Martyn, and he must have said it unthinkingly, because he immediately turns red as Scott blinks in surprise. "A-anyway! If that were a real fight, I could have killed you, so - "

"You already did that once."

Martyn's intake of breath is as sharp as his sword. Scott stares down at him with a furrowed brow, unsure why he said that or what he means by it, but Martyn isn't giving him the equally quizzical look he expects. Instead, he just looks...sad. Lost.

What am I not remembering? is what Scott wants to ask. Why do I dream of somewhere I've never been? Why do I think you have the answers?

He rests a hand on Martyn's chest, a hundred questions swirling in his head, but it's a whirlpool he's grown used to living with. What's more important right now is his wild, dangerous, beautiful Kestrel looks uncharacteristically adrift.

Scott is no stranger to throwing himself into the depths. The ocean is his home, after all.

Martyn seems even more surprised by the kiss than by Scott's spontaneous words, but he holds on to Scott immediately like it's the most natural thing in the world, like he's no stranger to letting Scott be his anchor.

"Stay?" Scott murmurs against Martyn's lips.

"What if I hurt you again?" Martyn murmurs back.

You won't, is what Scott wants to assure him, but somehow he knows neither of them can promise that. "I don't care," he says instead. "I miss you."

Martyn kisses him, and Scott kisses him back.

And somehow, he knows - he wouldn't have it any other way.

}{ Part Five }{

[metalrider]

dragon age the veilguard spoilers ahead and some heavy ranting (50h in)

so I am so pissed off? like, this game is kind of actually terrible??

after 20h of grinding blandness you get rewarded with the actual offerings of this game just to get around the 50h mark to find everything fall apart again? dude....

suffce it to say I hate all the character developments so far and the only honest interesting one is harding's? I regret romancing Taash and the developers make you grind the companion quests so fucking hard but you get most of it spoiled by varric right away. Who thought this was a good idea? I need to complete like 4 companion quests for one companion while they offer little to no insight to the world of thedas OR the character itself. It's SO frustrating.

I actually started to feel like some lore bits were super coherent but even that is falling apart. I mean, you are going to tell me these two gods are seriously struggling against this pathetic little party of ours? They have enslaved the entire world once, like what?! Every encounter with them feels like a gimmick and they always get away and we somehow suffer a loss but also a tiny win at the same time? Unsatisfying.

The combat system is god awful trash I am sorry but fighting dragons makes me want to punch my window in. The hitboxes are whack, the parrying is whack, the repeated fight patterns for EVERY dragon (they fly away like 3 times or have some other annoying event happen that just unnecessarily prolongs the fight) are so lame??? Every difficult combat is just artificially made more difficult by giving them invulnerability for a while or minions or WHATEVER it is LAME. And the worst??? THE BOSS FIGHTS DON'T EVEN MEAN YOU ACHIEVE ANYTHING. If you get a health bar down on some boss it just means a cutscene gets triggered? You don't get to feel the achievement of victory against a strong foe a single time. The archdemon fight????? LMAO come on what kind of mess?

Anyways I am starting to hate this game. The premise for the last 20 hours has been "my companions are distracted and I need to do their sidequests to stay on the same goal". It's ridiculous and boring. Also what is up with Varric? Why did they have to put him in the game? Him being in that room in the back just lying on the bed for an eternity is actually making me nervous. Did they just forget he exists?

Most of these characters are one dimensional and have little controversy to offer. Everyone is love dovey and everyone is fine with Rook. Nobody has opinions. Might as well have left out the approve/disapprove function. Feels like a mockery. Feels like they didn't want to upset anyone by taking it out. Did they think players wouldn't notice that there are no active paths for these companions to fall into depending on the approval level?

I am so disappointed. Dragon Age was my favorite franchise by a long shot. Guess I'll have to somehow think of this game as not canon.

[moongazeonastarfillednight]

Been reading the Franklin Conspiracy again because I had some times on my hand and I had never gone past the first third of it... I just couldn't get past this passage because it was so ludicrous.

Like what do you mean "wondering what autopsied John Hartnell" 🙃

But also this about James Clark Ross.

"hOw diD hE KnOw?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?"😂

And I'm reminded how easy it is to make up a conspiracy:

(Warning, the rest of this post is just me going on about how stupid this book is...

TL:DR, it IS stupid and I think the author was a coward for never actually saying the A-word when that's clearly what he wanted to say)

1. Ignore that time is linear (like... excuse me 😂 how was my man JCR supposed to know that this was were Franklin would go? More like... the cairn was visited BECAUSE the expedition knew it was there... not the other way around. What?

Also, maybe he stopped there and went no further because he was running out of supplies or because it looked like the end of the western shore and not more land to explore and not because... aliens?)

2. Set yourself on one hypothesis and never consider anything else (like... he keeps asking why they hadn't gone to KWI in the first search... and I could come up with a hypothesis that did not involve aliens so easily: how about they thought that Franklin would have attempted to go further west and not go toward known land. He was there to explore, after all...

Also, why would he wonder why so many people searched around the Boothia Pen when he himself keep bringing back the Fury Beach stores?)

3. Ignore what we know of physics (that whole chapter about pretending that sundogs and aurora borealis are something else than light refraction...????)

4. Ask questions and not think to hard about the answer (The whole accusation that JCR had purposefully made the search slower by using man-hauling sledges instead of dogs... my bro... even if he used dogs in 1830 for his first go at KWI, those were not his Uncle's dogs... they were purchased from the Inuits... bold to assume that after 3 recorded hard winters the Inuit would have dogs to spare...) or (asking why the bones were cut off and skulls had holes in them... man, I sure don't know what you think your butcher does but you do know that you need to make cuts to get meat, right? Also that brain is edible?)

5. Making a point and omitting details (he goes at great lengths about how "convenient" it was that JCR and Abernethy were in the Arctic together for the wreck of the Fury (which, of course, was caused by aliens) and the trip to Victory Point and what they saw there was the reason why JCR and Parry refused to lead the expedition... but Crozier was also part of the voyage that wrecked the Fury AND was a notable close confident to Ross... why would Ross not discourage his friend from going if there was something too terrible to go back and why would Crozier not have been aware from his own experience? Blanky was also on Ross's sledge party to Victory Point. Surely, he knew.

Also, lmao... if Ross somehow did not want the "truth" to come out and that's why he sabotaged his rescue mission... and if the Admiralty knew also, why did they even sent someone else out there?

Also, you'd think that hundred of seaman having been around on the Parry and Ross voyages in around the Boothia Pen. would also have something to talk about for the newspapers to catch on fire with when the news of Franklin was the talk of London...)

6. Just going around like a compass in the arctic circle (In one chapter, John Ross is the only one who wishes to TRULY save Franklin and the next he is in on the conspiracy)

7. Making it so much more complicated than it needed to be (If JC Ross floundered his mission by getting rid of the evidence... would it have not been all the way easier to "hide" whatever by forging evidence? Such as... "oh, look! I found one of those cannisters we were looking for! They say the ships were crushed by ice and only a few men survived without having been able so save much supplies two winters ago! Well, I guess they couldn't have survived so far north! That settles it!" Instead of, idk... hiding evidences that would just make people go on more and more and more search expeditions)

8. ... never actually naming what he thinks happened. It's always like... "historians think this... but this would only be so IF what So-and-so said was true!" Ok... genius, what do you think happened? Say it, coward, say the A-word.

And FURTHERMORE... why would this guy keep pestering JCR for not exploring KWI more on his third Parry voyage (the one where they had to survive a bad winter with little ressource on 1 ship and hope for the best and there wasn't that much time or extra men power to spare when it was an unending crisis?) Or after John Ross abandonned the Victory (see same reason above also, they were starving?!) Or going on about how the Admiralty should have heeded the Native's words about Boothia being a peninsula only to just call in question every stories they had about the Franklin Expedition? Brother, your hyprocrisy is showing.

ALSO! Somehow there was X-files level of bs going on in the Arctic from John Ross' first voyage in 1818, up until 1848, and it all ceased to be noticeable when hundred of people just went on their merry way to pick up bones and buttons?

ALSO! Somehow we're at once praising the Inuit's knowledge of their land, dismissing their stories of Franklins AND never questionning why none of their oral tradition ever mentioned visitors from the sky 🙄 guess the little green men only make themselves known when white men are fresh for the picking.

ANYWAY. It's a... book, I suppose... fun enough get a summary of all the search expeditions that went on but! I think my doctor would object to what it did to my blood pressure 😂😂

Only part I found interesting was the dates analysis and review of the added note about going to Back River on the Victory Point Note. That was a refreshing view on the thing because I also agree that the plan to go to Back River was insane but it's just another interpretation of the document and looking at how much the guy jumped to conclusion (or dug his one trenches just to be able to jump) I think it be more prudent for me to research that third ink story than start taking it as fact 😂

[skitariiposting]

hiii so a friend of mine is gonna be running an only war game, and i've got an enginseer written up, and while i know the main trick is just maximizing my autism swag, i'm wondering if you've got any fun ideas for roleplaying a techpriest. thanks!

Sure! Here's a couple of neat ideas I've compiled for some of my NPCs that I might run in future Dark Heresy games. Feel free to pick and choose a couple to work into your character if you like them!

1. "Names are confusing" - This character has trouble remembering non-admech names, instead electing to call every non-mechanicus person something along the lines of "Meatbag," "Lapdog," "Biological One," "Fleshling," "Rat," "Annoyance," "Thing," and/or "You."

2. "Varience. of. PITCH! andtiming" - THIS admech has PROblemsspeaking in NORmal ScEnTeNcEs due to beING so UUUUUUuuused to SPEAKING in PROJECTED TEXT via ocular SENsoooors.

3. "Empathy" is an oddity amongst the admech. However, there are some that still cling to the likes of empathy and compassion. Steel may have replaced their hearts biologically, but even a steel heart still yearns for love. Maybe in different ways than the usual biological beings, but love is love.

4. "Strong silent type." Not mute mind you, they just don't have a lot to say. Instead of butting in to conversations, they tend to wait until someone asks them for something or until the perfect moment to say something (sometimes to comedic effect) (skit's note for Anar-kitty or any player that wants to go this route: be sure to discuss this with your party if you want to play a character like this. It helps to keep them in the know as it will allow them to be prepared to interact and bounce dialogue of your character. Also, while being quiet may be part of your personality, going out of your way to stay quiet even if it inconveniences your team may not be wise. Still talk, and be active out of character! Don't let your parry think you yourself are disinterested, make it a point that the character is quiet, either through stoicism, edginess, or even shyness! Describe body language or how your character may communicate non-verbally (examples: shrugging instead of saying "I don't know," giving a thumbs up to say okay, describing nervous fidgeting, describing facial expressions, etc. ))

5. "Know it all." Everyone around you doesn't know how to "properly" use technology, and it's driving you insane. No one is doing morning chants for their weapons' machine spirits blessings! Heck, most of them don't even know any rituals!! And they just. Point these poor machines at things and *hope* they work??? You need to whip these biological beings into shape! They need to start following proper mechanical doctrine, and it's your job to get them on the right path!

6. "Unknowable" You hide beneath a standard admech robe, only small portions of your body are visible, whether that be your eyes, hands, feet, whatever have you, or even none of the above! But whenever you have a need for something, you always seem to reveal it from beneath your cloak, as if it manifested from the void. Extra arms, weapons, tools, a tail, a data port, comms devices, you name it, somehow it all fits beneath your cloak, and nobody has seen your true form beneath it.

7. "Gullible" since you've been raised amongst the socially inept admechs for so long, your knowledge of jokes and saying are... subpar. You take things at face value or struggle to find meaning in the sarcastic or metaphoric. You prefer the literal meaning of what people say.

8. "[Statement]" (skit tip: look up videos of HK-47 from Star Wars: Knights of The Old Republic talking, it'll give you an idea. )

You lack proper means to adjust pitch, leaving you to talk in a constant monotone voice. As such, wanting to show your emotions, you state what they are prior to what you are about to say.

9. "Pets." You find little biological creatures "cute" even if they are meatlings. You may take some with you to places and display them proudly to your compatriots, mayhaps even if they are ugly to them or dangerous. You may take interest in replicating their design into servitors or even converting the creatures themselves.

10. "Machines are friends, not slaves." You find the company of machines to be quite enjoyable, however people seem to view them in a different light. You find this disconcerting, as your machines are your friends, and you treat them with love and repsect! Why do others not treat theirs the same way?

11. "Death is not the end." When we pass, we continue our work for the Omnissiah, either as Servitors or perhaps the Omnissiah may take favor with your devotion and grant you the honor of becoming a machine spirit. Either way, mourn not the dead, friends. We are cogs in the machine, and cogs break from time to time. But we can always repair them so they may continue their work.

12. "Utterances." You mumble odd things beneath your breath or aloud when you think nobody is listening. You constantly seem to be planning your next move, and to others, it may seem worrying. Are you planning a contingency for if they turn on you? Are you plotting a master heist to steal xeno technologies from the inquisition? Did you just insult one of them behind their backs? Are you uttering an ancient prayer beneath your breath that may bless them? The answers could always be yes, but it is more likely that you are planning to construct a new machine from their weapons when they turn their backs to you.

Little tips:

If you are playing online, consider grabbing Voicemod or an equivalent to change your voice to sound more mechanical-y! (Be sure to set up a toggle on and off button for in and out of character, and test the voice with a friend prior to playing to make sure it won't get annoying during long sessions)

Admechs benefit from being chaotic or weird; the classic "I'm crazy or unusual" bit many players want to tap into, but struggle with capturing. My advice? Paradoxically: dont go overboard. Dont try to be the center of attention. Try to be a setup for the other characters' moments instead of the other way around. People enjoy characters like Jester from CR for her chaos, but tend to forget that she largely is used to set up other people to make a joke or to cause a problem for the party to fix, while still having her own character and story that's separate from her "I'm a silly chaotic person." Here's the biggest thing to remember:

Your randomness should be a facet of your character, not your entire personality.

Stay consistent with your randomness. Develop predictable patterns. If you just keep being chaotic without method to your madness, it becomes annoying or difficult to pin down what your character actually is, and that makes it difficult to interact with them. Have boundries your character wouldnt break, and use that to create inner conflict! (Example: I want to pie my friend in the face, but he's sad from his girlfriend breaking up with him. My morals tell me that I love my friend and always try to cheer him up, but uuuuuuugh the prank would be soooo funny to me and potentially everyone else! Ooh, but it'd likely conflict with my want to cheer him up, as it'd make him mad or sadder... How do I feel about this situation and how will it affect my decision and interaction with the other character?)

Developing a pattern to your "I am a chaotic being" helps other players to compliment your character and vice versa! Jester likes pulling pranks, so eventually the Nien figures that out and starts to keep an eye out for it. Does that stop her from trying? No! But its a predictable action that can still be chaotic, while not being uninteractable or disruptful to the enjoyment of the game for everyone at the table. Running gags, pranks or catchphrases are a good place to start, then build on it the farther you go.

My best advice I give for character development, and this goes for any kind of character you run: You aren't just playing a character. You're playing on a team of characters. Try to play to their strengths as much as your own.

There we go! I modified them a bit to be more "for a character" and not an NPC, so hopefully, there will be some interesting ideas to build off of for your character! If you have any other questions or would like some more, feel free to ask! I'm always happy to be of assistance :D

[noisester]

LITTLE MUSE FACTS.

Instructions: Fill out the questions about your muse, repost, tag as many people as you want.

1) What does your muse smell like?

Depends on the crime activity he's performed. On a non-hectic day he smells like sweets and candy corn, since he carries a few thousands of them to use as projectiles for his slingshot. If not then bomb powder and engine oil whenever he's messing with explosives and machines. Bastard.

2) How often does your muse bathe/shower?

Twice a day. One before work and another one after the daily tomfoolery. Believe it or not, he does care about looking nice and clean in front of an audience (even drinks mouthwash after his smokes so his girlfriend doesn't give him an earful!). So much so that he makes sure to use the highest quality skin care products available in the market™ (I haven't known peace ever since you sent me this, Kirm).

3) Does your muse have any tattoos or piercings?

Nuh uh! Though he does magically get a tattoo on his right arm during funny moments, say when he's wielding a rocket launcher (check rocket HUD). In true cartoon fashion it disappears in the next shot.

4) Any body movement quirks?(EX: tapping heel, shaking knee)”

When does this creature stay still. Tell me, when. Other than when it's funny. Drumming his fingers, tapping his foot when irritated/impatient and jumping in place when he's livid are amongst the HUGE list of gestures he does. He also has a bunch of fidget toys lying on his desk at all times to keep his hands busy.

5) What do they sleep in?

Gotta be those cartoony PJs you see on TV, with the night cap/mask and eye cover to top it all off (would he have slippers with his face on it? Rats, maybe? I don't know. I'll have to figure that out later).

6) What’s their favorite piece of clothing?

His hat and his cape, of course! They're the signature Noise™ combo you almost never see him without. His cape especially is handy for gliding and parrying... somehow.

7) What do they do when they wake up?

Obnoxiously loud alarm that only does its job when it's comedic because *checks name* yeah. Wake up. Big annoying stretch and yawn. Take a shower. Get a warm drink with treats or a stupidly large bowl of 99% sugar cereals that somehow exists in his place, then head off to work with whatever means of transport you're in the mood for (usually his skateboard). It's essentially your basic routine with the Noise twist added to it, and although he often leaves before the missus for his early morning broadcasts, he does make sure to do small checkups on her beforehand.

8) How do they sleep? Position?

I need you, the reader, to listen to me. Okay. It’s important that you listen to me. I am speaking directly in your ear right now. Okay. Listen. Do not invite him to a sleepover. Ever. Maybe in certain nights/once in a blue moon he's oddly still and quiet but? I cannot stress how loud his snoring can get when he finally drifts off, let alone all the turning and idiotic positions he does. Sometimes it gets so bad he finds himself upside down in bed or even face-down on the floor. Good lord.

9) What do their hands feel like?

Surprisingly soft! At least not entirely considering the myriads of schemes they're involved in, but also not so rough that they're completely worn down, either. To no one's surprise his grubby hands often steer trouble in a multitude of ways, yet through the sheer power of cartoon physics he can just. Look bruised and battered on cue, then completely fine in a few minutes.

Tagged by: @thetravelershub! Tagging: I DON'T KNOW I'M PRETTY SURE REINA TAGGED THE WHOLE WORLD

[parageist]

i had this dream where my friend was showing me this cool abandoned air traffic control tower he had found and turned it into an epic party spot. there was this weird contraption you had to bang back and forth like a gong kinda and it would generate electricity to power this janky elevator which led to the top of the tower. it was pretty scary because it felt like i was gonna fall at any time. but at the top was this cool bedroom and under that was a trapdoor which led to a larger room for partying and such. slowly people started showing up and i sat down and was talking with them but eventually it became too much, they started drinking and smoking and stuff and i left. before i left though, i took some pictures with the friends i had made but left the pictures inside accidentally.

on the way out i noticed all the trash and furniture (apparently) the partygoers had thrown everywhere, and cleaned it up, yelling at them for making such a mess. they got defensive and it led to this brawl but my parents picked me up before it got too violent. but later i returned to the tower to retrieve the photos i had left, but the tower was collapsed into a pile of ruble, and in the middle was this menacing gang of the guys who i had yelled at earlier. i managed to grab the photos and bolt out of there, but they had guns and stuff and were chasing me. i ran back home and warned my parents and family that they were coming, so everyone crammed into a truck and we drove far away from there before they could get us. but i saw another timeline where things went wrong and they killed a bunch of kids, it was disturbing lmao, but luckily that was just a vision and we continued driving away safe and sound.

however, eventually things got worse. somehow that gang of litterbugs had ended up causing an apocalypse. society had completely collapsed. but at the same time it wasn’t that bad? a bunch of stores and places still functioned like normal, but everything was free and so there was this place with all this homestuck merch, along with a bunch of VHS tapes of different games/shows i love, so i took a bunch of those.

then apparently there was a nearby building called the “oppenheimer house” and i had telekinesis and i grabbed it with my mind and threw it up into the air, then it crashed down into the building i was in but nothing was damaged too bad. we continued “shopping” and i got like this robert oppenheimer outfit (which was from doctor who apparently).

after that we were driving somewhere, looking for a place to settle in away from the chaos in the city. there was this guys house who let us in and it connected to this maze of tents? like imagine those tubes you would crawl through as a baby, like the one in coraline, connecting a bunch of tents and stuff. somewhere in there we found some evidence relating to this alien conspiracy theory (we also found some in the store earlier) and left to go to this nasa place.

in there we found this secret tunnel which led underground to this lava chamber and inside was this hologram an alien had been using. apparently he crashed on earth millions of years ago and created nasa as a ways of escaping back to his home planet or whatever.

after this point the dream became more fantastical, and i was exploring this open world post-apocalyptic world kinda like elden ring but also with some robots here and there like fallout 4. there were like the advanced battle droids from star wars (the ones without heads) guarding this weird fleshy wizard guy who gave me some quest im not quite sure lmao. but it led me to this place where there were these horrific beasts. they were like scorpions but with human heads and also phallic shaped? and they had these balls that could like detach and bonk you? so i had to like parry their bonks and i slowly whittled down the health of one of them, and when it was low enough i tried to like serenade or pacify it by hugging it but i ended up just killing it lmao.

then there were these normal human guys, some of them had weapons and would like cast these magic runes at my face. some of the runes were yellow and i had to slice those with my sword but some of the runes were blue and if i sliced a blue rune it would continue flying at me so i just had to dodge the blue runes. also i just ended up going crazy with my sword, slicing up all the guys, but apparently most of them were actually just innocent people and i ended up inflicting a bunch of scars on a bunch of just normal guys xD.

after that, some lady which was apparently from elden ring but she looked like she was from star wars appeared and warned me that fortisaxx, the lich dragon of death from elden ring, was trapped underground and i had to go there to kill him before he escaped. but as she was explaining this fortisax was throwing these death bombs out of his underground hole. we were at first laughing them off and making fart jokes about them but eventually there were too many bombs and they ended up bursting a hole into the ground, and fortisax flew out and started spewing death sauce on all these villages. we had like this epic rune battle but fortisax won and then i woke up.

pretty whacky

[hestia-and-the-court]

Parry. Strike. Strike. Strike. Parry. Strike.

My opponent was good, I knew that almost immediately. I had the experience edge, but he had no shortage of talent and the advantage of having challenged me directly after I'd tired myself out fighting his mercenary lackeys.

Strike. Parry. Parry. Strike. Strike. Parry.

Still, I couldn't let him win this fight. Murderous, slaving scum like him were already the kinds of people I would lose no sleep over killing, but this one had gone so far as to attack my town. If I lost, I had no illusions as to what a man such as him would do with my wife and children. I was a fairly renowned adventurer in my youth; not Kingdom-grade by any means, but even still, I was a name to be reckoned with. My family would earn a lot of gold by being sold into slavery as prizes, or they might be kept as trophies; either way, a fate I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Strike. Parry. Strike. Parry. Parry. Parry.

I could not lose. The consequences if I did were unthinkable. I could not lose.

And yet, I was losing. Slowly, but surely, I was losing.

Parry. Strike. Parry. Parry. Parry. Parry.

"You can't have them," I promised through gritted teeth, even as I became less certain of my ability to follow through.

Parry. Parry. Parry. Parry. Parry. Parry.

"You can't... you can't-!"

With speed and skill I could no longer match, his sword crashed into mine with enough force to knock it out of my hand.

"It would seem," he said, an unbearably smug smirk on his face and his blade at my throat, "that I can have whatever I want. After all, I just bested the Badger of Nighthelm herself. Who else could stop me at this point? Anyone else who might be able to defeat me is days away."

My mind raced, looking for options. If I went for the leg- no, too close. Backup daggers? I'd be impaled before I could reach them. Come on, come on, think...

"The real question, I suppose, is whether or not I should leave you alive to see what I will do to your precious Nighthelm, or if I should let you die imagining what I will do," he mused, smug malice dripping off every word. "You would make quite the trophy, and I would enjoy the challenge of breaking you to heel. But, I will admit, you're dangerous enough that perhaps it would be best to end your threat here. Decisions, decisions..."

...it can't end like this. There has to be something I can do. Some opening I hadn't seen yet, some opportunity to strike. He can't be allowed to have my family. He can't he can't he can't...

"What, no input to give on your own future?" he mocked. "Perhaps I should leave you alive, then. I'd like the satisfaction of hearing you beg for mercy as I take your family in chains. I'm sure that with them close at hand, you'll be more... cooperative, wouldn't you agr-YEAGH!"

Midword, he collapsed, his back torn open and bloody as something tore into him, a ferocious mass of teeth and metal that set about dismantling the slaver with brutal efficiency as he screamed and begged for mercy.

Remembering what he had threatened to do just moments before, I didn't bother suppressing the thrill of dark satisfaction as he was torn apart.

It didn't take long for his screams to die out as the... creature finished him off. Covered in blood and bits of bone, it turned towards me, giving me a better look at the writhing mass of flesh and teeth and tentacles. Four legs like a wolf's, except the claws were metal, like sword blades. Similar metal spikes protruded out of its body at apparent random, and even its eyes seemed to be metal somehow, meeting my own eyes with a blank gaze.

It was a monster unlike any I'd ever seen in my long adventuring career, and I couldn't help but hold my breath, waiting to see if I'd be its next victim. Without my sword, how could I possibly fight such a monster? If it wanted me dead, I had no illusions of being able to prevent it. I didn't even dare go for the backup daggers yet, in case it took that as a threat.

My best hope, at this point, was that it would be satisfied with the corpses left behind and not want to bother killing me too.

For a moment that was an eternity, the creature and I stared at one another. Me waiting with dread to see what it did; who knows what thoughts lay behind the creature's blank, dead-eyed stare.

Then, letting out a strange, rasping cry, it began to shrink in on itself, flesh and teeth vanishing to who-knows-where, metal claws folding in on themselves, until all that was left was...

...a sword?

No.

My sword.

The sword I'd been gifted by my mentor, with the distinctive bluish shine that characterized every gift he'd ever given to a student. The only sword I'd ever owned, that somehow kept its edge without sharpening, that had always felt like it was sized just right for my hand and my hand alone, that sometimes almost seemed to move itself just so in a fight to strike more accurately or to just barely deflect a killing blow.

And suddenly I remembered that while most mimics liked to be treasure chests, there was technically no reason they couldn't choose to be something else.

All this time I'd just assumed the sword was magic.

...perhaps it was. Just not the kind of magic I'd expected.

"You could have killed me hundreds of times over, couldn't you?" I mused as I eyed my sword, lying there innocently as if it hadn't been a nightmare of flesh and steel mere moments ago. "If you'd meant me harm, I wouldn't have lived anywhere near this long. Would I?"

The sword seemed to shiver, almost, acknowledging my words in some inscrutable mimic way.

Before I consciously knew what I'd decided, I was already moving towards the sword-mimic, picking it up by the hilt in an old, familiar movement.

"When we get out of this," I told my sword, "we're gonna need to have a talk about all of this. But for now, I need to stop the rest of the slavers, and whatever it is you want, you seem invested in keeping me safe. Ready for one more adventure, old friend?"

For a moment, the hilt vibrated, almost like a cat purring, and I took that to be agreement.

You’ve been an adventure all your life but you were surprised to find out that the sword you’ve had for 30 years is a friendly mimic.

[runimanio]

2024 Game Clear #21 The Legend of Korra

Not the show, the digital only 2014 video game by PlatinumGames and published by Activision that was delisted in 2017 that I bought in 2016 for very cheap but has sat in my steam account unused for 7 years because my laptop at the time was so bad it couldn't handle this game somehow!

It's also very important for the ATLA lore because we learn that Iroh became a filthy capitalist during his time in the spirit world

So this is an interesting one because this game got absolutely demolished by reviewers at the time, just checking the reviews on the wikipedia page some outlets were giving this game 2's and 3's. I remember a lot reviews remarking that it was this cash grab stain of the franchise... which feels very weird to me because i think this game is better then the Avatar games that came before, and certainly better then whatever that Gamemill slop that came out recently... I almost wonder if reviewers thought they were reviewing a full priced game because sure I could see them taking issue with the lack of content under that context but the game launched for $15 US.

I do have a fair amount criticism: The game starts with your bending blocked which uhh isnt the game putting it's best foot foward, some bosses are spongy and no subtitles track is always annoying, there's also not much enemy variety for a 4 hour game that's not a big deal i don't think. Not platinum's finest work but it's decent 6 out 10 that's worth a look if your a fan. You just might need to do some digging to get it these days (please don't buy a old steam key for $7000) and I can't get mad at a korra game that lets me parry a guy off his motorbike and do a fist of north star style ten thousand fists on him.

The game does a good job looking and feeling like the show, the proper voice actors are here (though admittedly it's mostly just Korra and Jinora) every level has animated cutscene that look like the show, I'm pretty sure I recognized some of the level music being pulled straight from the show so it's sound like the show too. You can feel pretty powerful using your bending to wipeout everyone around you.

There's also a plot! I don't really have much to say about it really, it takes place after season 2 and it's really just kind of one of those "all your old enemies are bad" video game plots, not in the "Amon is randomly back" but you gotta find out why there a bunch of Equalist, Triple Threat Triad and dark spirits goons attacking you. it's pretty basic but I like the new villain design at least

Last thing I gotta say that's more of a tangent but I have a memory of a couple of reviewers holding up the Naga chase segments to make a dig against Sega being like "Wow they made a better sonic game then Sega in minigame" and now that i've played it... It's just Temple Run???? like lane changes and swipe turns in all? Guy if you want a Sonic auto runner you can play one right now! in 2014 even! very silly time

[warsamongstthestar-keen]

Chapter Forty-Nine

From behind the group, the Temple begins to rumbles, the ground throughout the cavern shaking as well. All gazes turn to the Temple, and Ahsoka states, "We need to find Ezra."

The Knight nods in agreement, pointing at Chopper, "Get back to the Phantom and get ready to leave."

The droid grunts, lifting off the floor to go to their shuttle. Keen grabs the Inquisitor, pulling him along beside the crew. As they get closer to the Temple, Kanan looks up to the obelisk sitting atop the pyramid shaped building. "Why do I know Ezra's involved in this somehow?"

"Because it's basic knowledge," Leia replies. The team continues to move towards the Temple. "I mean, Ezra disappears. Temple begins to activate. Basic deductive reasoning."

Keen can see Kanan roll his eyes as the group arrive at the opening to the Sith Temple. Ari'abel thought that the Dark Side energy was strong down under the planet's surface, but she is certain that it is strongest inside the Temple. The whispers of the Dark Side push harder against the shields she has built in her mind, and it's starting to give her a headache.

The Jedi Knight gazes at the Temple door, sighing, as he places his hand flat against it. "He's inside, I know it. But there's no way he lifted that door."

"He certainly couldn't have without help."

For no discernable reason, Eighth Brother begins to laugh, causing the whole group to turn and look at him. "What's so funny?" Kanan asks him.

"Yeah, totally not getting the whole laughing thing. Nobody said anything even remotely funny."

Once again filtering through the commlink comes the voice of their astromech, sounding frantic. "What is it, Chopper?" His grunts continue, sounding grumpy. "What do you mean we've got company?"

The Inquisitor just continues to laugh, and it's not exactly helping Keen's headache. "Okay, what are you laughing at?" Leia demands.

From the distance, the sounds of whirring lightsabers can be heard. Turning around she sees Fifth Brother and Seventh Sister can be seen, flying in on their lightsabers. "Well, would you look at that, more Inquisicoptors." Turning around she can see Eighth Brother staring at her. "See, now is when you laugh, because that was pure gold."

"Sure it was, Ari," Leia says, patting her arm. "Whatever you have to tell yourself."

"Oi!" Keen grouses, pulling out her lightsabers, igniting them in front of her. Fifth Brother drop onto the platform, his blades immediately clashing against the rebels'

Seventh Sister continues her arch over the others, slicing the binders off of Eighth Brother. The Inquisitor uses the Force to drag his lightsaber from the Knights hip to his hand. "An excellent day's hunt," Seventh Sister remarks, gazing upon the rebels.

Each of the Inquisitor's aim their blades at one of the Light Side users individually. Fifth Brother lunges at Kanan. Ahsoka takes on Seventh Sister. Leaving Eighth Brother to Keen. Leia alternates shooting at each of the Inquisitors individually.

While Ari'abel parries an attack from her Inquisitor, the door to the Temple opens behind them. "Ezra?" Kanan asks, half turning from Fifth Brother to glance at his Padawan.

"Kanan! Ahsoka! Keen! Leia!" he cheers, seeming genuinely happy, his lightsaber held aloft in his hand. "I've brought help."

He steps out of the door, to the side, revealing a very familiar face. The Dathomirian steps from the Temple, leaning heavily on a walking stick, and yet a smirk covers his head. Ari'abel meets his eyes, and quietly growls, "Maul."

Eighth Brother looks at the Dathomirian, seeming less surprised than the rebels, remarking, "The Shadow."

Maul's grin widens, his eyes narrowing at the Inquisitors, "What fun." He begins cackling ferociously, commenting once again, "What fun!"

[callme6olet]

Drengr Devlog: Combat

Here's the thing that bugs me about not just D&D, but damn near every TTRPG out there: combat is boring as hell, and it takes forever. It's not boring from a story perspective--it's where the stakes are highest--but in terms of the mechanics, the actual gameplay, it's just. so. dull. Your turn is simple: you move into a position where you can attack, and you attack. Healing is the only other action you see, and it's rarely optimal because of the binary nature of hit points. Outside of that, the only variation is in how you attack--which spells, which feats, and so on.

In designing Drengr, I'm taking a page or two from wargames and from skirmish games like Imperial Assault--the types of games which, after all, spawned D&D. I don't want combat to require its own rules manual, but as long as it's getting a chapter in the book, it should have enough mechanics to be interesting. Tactical. Strategic.

Two main points here: actions and damage/death. The latter is big enough for its own post. For now, suffice it to say: I, as a GM, am afraid to kill players. For this game to work, I had to waylay that fear, and as such, there are rules not just for Valhalla, but for bonuses gained from suffering wounds.

Most RPGs have you taking several actions a turn--move, standard, and swift, or move, action, and bonus. But one thing I like about those skirmish games is how the actions are limited; so, in Drengr, you get one action a round. Too, it's a tactical game, so I'm leaning into that: the presumption is you have a battlemap, or even 3D terrain. Theater of the mind is dope, but it's not what I'm after in this game. Ranges are measured in squares, my shorthand for either (a) a literal square on a grid or (b) one chunk of movement, one mini's base, measured however you like--one inch, two centimeters, a quarter banana, whatever.

The three main actions are to move up to four squares (or push yourself for a dash), attack someone in your range, or charge half your speed and then attack with a bonus. The latter makes combat a game of pacing; charging in gives you action economy, lets you make the first strike, but it also means you're committed. You can be surrounded.

The attack mechanics took some tinkering, but at this point, I'm satisfied with the balance I've struck between narrative interest and ease of play. When you're attacked, you can choose to defend by dodging, parrying, or countering. The first two let you cancel some or all of the damage with an opposed check. The latter lets you make a free attack, with both you and your opponent taking full damage from each other's strikes. It becomes a risk/reward balancing act: can you take a hit right now, or are you about to drop? Is it worth a wound to deal one in return? Will your counter kill your opponent before his blow lands? Compared to the standard attack check vs. AC, it introduces one additional roll into the game, but because they're simultaneous, I haven't found it to drag play down too much. Too, it increases engagement. When a player is attacked, they have a decision to make--they have agency, even when it's not their turn.

So far, I've gotten very positive feedback on these mechanics. They're not for everyone, I think, but my friends are gamery enough to enjoy a bit of mechanical crunch, and for them, it's making the decisions feel impactful. Weirdly, limiting actions makes the big ones and the small ones all feel . . . better. More important. Attacking always has weight, but when you choose not to attack, to just move, that suddenly feels like a bigger deal--especially because your opponent can't automatically close the gap next turn. Even beyond that, swapping weapons starts to feel less punitive, somehow. I hate playing Pathfinder and spending my move action to sheathe a weapon. Weirdly, though, when that's just your whole turn, it feels . . . fine? Must be because the turns move quicker, I'm not sure.

The struggle in this system, though, is dealing with NPCs. For me, as the GM, combat has been exhausting. There's so many damn decisions to make, and because I have to deal with five or six characters at a time, I make those decisions poorly. It doesn't feel tactical--it feels reactionary. I'm starting to play with minion mechanics, borrowing from FFG's Star Wars RPGs to reduce the mental strain. We'll see how that goes. GMs have a different perspective from players, of course, about what constitutes victory--we all want the heroes to win in the end--but these games should be fun for us, too. They should hit that dopamine button.

[anonymouscomrade]

joined a patch or two after A Realm Reborn started (i remember Leviathan was new and being shown on the login screen i think?) and early ARR up to Heavensward was a whole thing

a few for those who weren't around:

probably the biggest difference: instead of role skills, you had cross-class skills. sounded neat on paper, but a few things held them back. for one, it meant having the optimal setup for your class required you to play a bunch of other classes you may or may not even like playing. and for two, some of the choices the dev team made regarding what skills should be cross-class were... out there, to say the least. leveling gladiator so your marauder can use provoke? archer so your thaumaturge can use raging strikes? thaumaturge so your conjurer gets swiftcast? all great ideas. provoke on a mage? part of some other class's melee combo? fucking Ruin 1 on your black mage? absolute nonsense. plus, there were a few weird one-off defensive skills that a melee class would have (like +20% evasion on a monk, or +80% parry on a dragoon) that i'm sure tanks would have enjoyed but were never made available to them. cross-class skills managed to stick around through Heavensward somehow but it was completely obvious that the devs had no idea what to do with them because absolutely NONE of the skills from classes beyond what launched with ARR, INCLUDING ninja, were cross-class (well, unless you just didn't equip your soul crystal, because for whatever reason the base classes got WAY more cross-class skills, none of which were even slightly worth having to play a base class) and not a single skill after around level 40 iirc ended up being cross-class

speaking of soul crystals, you used to have to have a secondary class leveled up enough to unlock them. i don't remember what most of them were apart from needing archer to get black mage because blm was my first and i played nearly all of them at least a little bit back then

the second biggest difference: TP. it was basically MP for physical attackers except it sucked. you'd almost never run out in single-target fights and CONSTANTLY run out if you had to do any AoE whatsoever. plus, Sprint would burn all your TP and its duration depended on how much it burned, so casters were basically unaffected while melee would have the speedup for less and have to gimp themselves on damage for a while afterward to recover. people loved having ninjas around because iirc they had one of the only skills in the game that could restore someone else's TP

tanks used to have two stances, one defensive where you'd get a defense buff and increased hate, and one offensive where you did slightly more damage in exchange for having the defense of wet newsprint and being totally incapable of holding hate if your DPS were hitting harder than a particularly sleepy kitten. unfortunately, your average high-end FFXIV tank at the time was an idiotic asshole who thought being able to squeeze an extra auto-attack's worth of damage out of the course of an entire raid was absolutely worth not being able to survive a tankbuster or keep the boss's attention away from the black mage (double points if they're wearing armor several patches old because it had like ten extra strength points despite having 200 less vitality), and if you disagreed with them they'd literally stop in the middle of the dungeon and demand to be kicked so they wouldn't have to eat the abandon penalty (fun fact: you used to be able to tank on summoner somewhat using Titan-Egi and i got surprisingly decent at it thanks to running into shitheads like this fairly regularly while i was leveling summoner), so it's probably for the best that this was changed

Cleric Stance was a similar thing, it was a conjurer/white mage skill that swapped your int and mind scores, meaning that while it was on, you did way more damage at the cost of your heals being like a quarter as effective as usual. absolutely amazing if you're the off-healer in a raid! not so much when you're just trying to run dailies and your white mage thinks throwing rocks is more important than keeping the team alive. iirc it became a healer role skill in Stormblood that just gave you a temporary damage buff before being removed entirely in Shadowbringers

skill points! every so often when you leveled up, you'd get a single skill point that you could put into any stat you wanted. unfortunately this is an MMO with an Optimal Way To Do It and this "choice" was not really a choice at all, plus that single point didn't really add that much after so many levels. also, if you liked playing both summoner and scholar you were constantly dropping GC points on the item that reset these if you wanted to Play Optimally since what a summoner wants and what a scholar wants from their base stats are two different things

accuracy used to be a really important stat, until one day the devs finally realized it was stupid and now you only really miss attacks if you're inflicted with blind or trying to fight something you definitely shouldn't be yet

lotta differences in skills. Feint used to be a dragoon weaponskill that didn't combo with anything and inflicted Slow. almost every class had a DoT and some could get multiple. lots of classes had their own unique stun and most of them did a slight amount of damage. Low Blow was this for dark knights, plus they had a trait that gave them a good chance of resetting the cooldown after a successful parry, so drks were just constantly kicking things in the junk. Paladin had Flash, which consumed MP and didn't do damage but inflicted blind and was their best way to get area hate, and you wanted to cross-class that on warrior because a) Overpower was cone AoE back then instead of radial, and b) having something that burned MP instead of TP was nice on war. For a long time Circle of Scorn was the only AoE attack paladin had. Bloodbath was a warrior skill, melee and tanks could cross-class it. Arm's Length used to be called Eye for an Eye and it was an arcanist skill that gave the barrier to someone else, and instead of slow it was a damage debuff. Addle was also an arcanist skill, except it was called Virus back then. Rage of Halone used to inflict STR Down and it worked on bosses. i'm sure there are a million more i'm forgetting

personally, i started playing just after heavensward came out

(god, remember old cleric stance? remember having to level archer to unlock black mage? 🙃)

[podcastenthusiast]

A fic featuring: ace Geralt, some trauma, discussion of consent, and a whole lot of love.

---

Touch is difficult for Geralt. Desire, too; witchers are made to want nothing except to serve their purpose. He wants even less, yet somehow more than he should.

He's been known to spend months, even years, on the Path with only Roach for company. Never touching anyone beyond the brush of hands as coins are exchanged. He will go to brothels occasionally--let the whores trace his scars, cataloging each one like it's evidence of something, asking for the story behind it. He satisfies their curiosity and fucks them, too, because he knows how this transaction works, what is expected. He gives them whatever they want, and takes what pleasure he's supposed to. It's too much and it's over too soon.

Sometimes he leaves the brothel feeling lighter, almost like a person. Other times he is empty, bereft of that warmth, and unsure why he can't feel the way others do.

Geralt has theories. He keeps them to himself. Doesn't even tell Roach.

One theory goes like this: witchers are rendered sterile by the mutations, and Geralt was given an extra dose. Maybe that stripped away his sexual desire as well as his capacity to procreate. Or maybe it's still in there somewhere, buried deep along with a majority of his emotions and the kid he once was.

Maybe it has nothing to do with being a witcher at all. His brothers don't seem to share the same experience.

And Jaskier isn't at all like him; he loves fiercely and loudly. Jumps into bed with practically anyone who's willing. He will meet a barmaid and perform a ballad he wrote about her all in the same evening.

So it shouldn't be a surprise that Jaskier's soft heart has room in it for Geralt, too, but it is. It's also a surprise when the bard stays, like no one ever has before.

They share a bed now, as they have many times, but it's different as lovers. At first Geralt assumes Jaskier simply wants sex, and is fine with giving him what he needs.

But the bard loves to please others. Jaskier asks what he wants, and Geralt replies, "Nothing."

Truer than it's ever been, in this context.

"Everyone wants something. Even you."

"I..."

I just want you to stay. He can't say it. He is a creature defined by what he lacks--desires, fears, feelings, humanity. He has little to offer Jaskier or Yennefer or anyone else, just danger or a quick fuck. It isn't enough. He has no business asking for anything. He was made to be useful.

"Geralt?"

"Hm?"

"That's all right. We'll figure it out together. For now let's take things slow, yeah?"

"Been twenty years."

"And I wouldn't trade them for all the wine in Toussaint. But this--" He kisses Geralt's neck. "--is new."

"Hmm."

"I just want you to be comfortable, dear witcher."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

It's too quick. Defensive. Like parrying before your opponent even draws their sword.

"Well...I know you feel things differently." Fuck. Fuck! He knows. "Heightened senses and all that. I imagine it could make certain things...a bit intense."

He doesn't know. He can't.

"I'll be fine."

"And if we do have sex, I want it to be good for you. Because...honestly, Geralt, you deserve pleasant things, more than you know. You always say you don't want anything."

"I don't."

"And that scares me to death, darling." Jaskier's voice is low, suddenly breaking. "There's no shortage of awful people out there who will at best take that as an invitation not to care, or at worst to hurt you."

The wolf inside him snarls. He's not weak. Witchers might be harmed in battle, never in bed. But he takes a breath and tries to hear what Jaskier is really saying. He owes him an attempt at decent communication.

"Jaskier," he says. "You'd never hurt me."

"Not intentionally, no, which is why I need you to talk to me. Tell me if I ever do something you don't like, even if you've liked it in the past, and I'll stop."

Jaskier's calloused fingers idly trace a scar below his collarbone. He won't ask about its origin because he doesn't need to; he was there. Geralt's muscles grow tense even so.

"Stop," he snaps before he can think better of it. Jaskier stops immediately. His hands withdraw from the witcher's skin, and Geralt knows he just fucked up everything. He couldn't bear even that and now his bard is never going to touch him again and so few are unafraid, fewer still truly know him--

"Thank you," Jaskier says. He doesn't sound angry or upset. He sounds almost proud. "Can I ask-- Are you feeling overwhelmed emotionally, or was it the touching? And don't you dare give me that tired 'witchers don't have feelings' line right now."

"Touch," Geralt manages although, if he were honest, it's both.

There are times he can't stand to be touched at all, Jaskier has seen that-- after a hunt, when the lingering effects of his potions make the world feel impossibly sharp. But there are other times. There are safe people and places and Jaskier never looks at him like he's a curiosity, an inhuman thing, but Geralt's body doesn't always know that.

"You don't want to be touched right now?"

Geralt shakes his head. Then shrugs. Nods.

"I really need some words here, love."

"It's. The scars."

"Oh. Gods, I'm sorry. Do they hurt?"

Scars trouble him the least of his old wounds. They itch, sometimes, but they don't hurt in the way, for example, his knee aches when it's going to rain. Scars are an absence of pain. Of anything. Sometimes a reminder.

"No. Just numb." He takes a breath. Averts his eyes and counts the stitches on the blanket. "Most people I'm with... it's all they see. Like to touch the scars. I can't feel it. They ask questions; I tell them or I don't. Over either way."

They leave, he means. Or he leaves first. That fucking mountain. He's run out of words. His throat feels tight.

When he looks up again, Jaskier's eyes brim with tears.

"You are so much more than that to me, dear heart."

"I know," Geralt says, and finds that, quite unexpectedly, he believes it.

"Is-- Would a hug be okay? Honest answer only."

Geralt nods, and the bard pulls him in close.

"You know," says Jaskier after a while. He never could let silence remain unfilled. Geralt is grateful. "There are artists who mend pottery by carefully filling the cracks with gold. It's beautiful."

"Sounds excessive. Just make another bowl."

"It adds to the complexity, the beauty of the whole. I'm trying to say that's how I see you."

"As broken pottery to fix?"

"Gods, no. As someone who's survived so much, and is very dear to me. But your scars, your lovely eyes and your hair, all of it-- They're not everything you are, nor is witchering, despite what ignorant fools or careless bed partners may think."

But Jaskier has mended something. His reputation, for a start. His wounds on numerous occasions. And... more than that, besides, he thinks.

When Geralt finally does tell Jaskier the truth about his desires, or lack thereof, he'll think about that and form a new theory. Maybe he isn't a broken thing after all, and even if he is, maybe that can be okay.

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #302: Senji Muramasa

happy new years, babes! today on Fate and Phantasms we’ve got 2023’s next top saber, Senji Muramasa! he’s a Forge Cleric to make the swords, and a Kensei Monk to draw as much power out of them as possible. as long as they’re katanas.

check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

next up: we already did the genji-killing genji, so… bird up!

Race and Background

yeah, Senji’s a Human. that means he gets +1 Dexterity and Constitution, as well as proficiency in Investigation to figure out swords better and the Fighting Initiate feat for some Great Weapon Fighting, letting you re-roll 1s and 2s on damage dealt by two-handed weapons. that’s not a huge help out the gate unless you really like quarterstaves, but we’ll get there, I promise.

making swords all the time is kind of a Guild Artisan sort of gig, if you squint. that gives you proficiency in Insight and Persuasion. you’ve gotta sell those swords somehow.

Ability Scores

if you want to get all you can out of your swords (and survive long enough to do it,) you need some Dexterity. and if you want to see so good you can look into the future, that’s Wisdom, in more ways than one. third up is Constitution, again to survive all that sword-fighting you’re about to do.  After that, some Strength is in order. Shirou isn’t super ripped, but he’s got some muscle on him. that does mean your Intelligence isn’t that high, but tbh we only need to know about swords, and you do! finally, we’re dumping Charisma. you’re a crotchety old man, you only really care about the art, and you did technically work for the alien god that one time, which is… oof. still, we’re glad you make the heel-face turn when you did.

Class Levels

1. monk 1: i’m sure your sick swordplay skillz actually came after your forging knowledge, but i like living! so we’re going with the class that has unarmored defense first. that adds your wisdom to your ac while you don’t wear armor or shields! no problem! you’re not running around with unlimited chainmail works after all.

you also get martial arts! you can use your dexterity when attacking with monk weapons and your fists, plus you can make an unarmed attack as a bonus action when you attack with your main action! on top of all that, you get a martial arts die that grows as you level up, and all your monk-y attacks use that as their damage floor. if you’re using a weapon with a bigger die, use the normal one. if it would have a smaller die, use the martial arts one!

2. monk 2: second level monks can use ki to dodge, disengage, dash, or attack twice as a bonus action! you get your monk level in ki points every short rest, so feel free to go fast! you also get swordy options for your ki later, don’t worry!

on top of that, your unarmored movement helps you move a little faster than other swordsmen. or it would if we didn’t keep giving swordy people monk levels! still, u go fast, stay out of people’s reach. good strategy.

3. monk 3: at third level you set down the way of the kensei, teaching you the path of the kensei, which is a totally different thing. actually it’s like four different different things. anyway. you can grab some kensei weapons, one melee and one ranged. you get proficiency in them if you don’t have that already, and you can only pick weapons that aren’t heavy or special. grab a longsword for a fance katana, and whatever for the ranged attack. it’s whatever, who cares. not a sword.

while you have a kensei weapon in your hand and make an unarmed attack, you can make an agile parry for free, getting +2 ac for the rest of the round. good stuff for a guy dressed in regular clothes!

*sigh* if you really want to throw things around like some kind of… archer, you can use a kensei shot as a bonus action, making all your ranged kensei weapon attacks deal an extra 1d4 damage that round. funnily enough, this doesn’t need to be your ranged weapon- it just has to be a ranged attack. so even dnd supports emiya being an archer, throwin swords willy and nilly!

you also get the way of the brush. it’s a tool proficiency!

that was a lot for one level, and we’re not even done yet! third level monks can deflect missiles as a reaction, reducing incoming damage from an attack like an arrow or bullet. if you reduce the damage to zero you can even throw the attack back by spending a ki point! we rlly didn’t intend this build to be so archery, i swear.

4. monk 4: use your first asi to bump up your wisdom! smart smarter, dodge tougher, all that jazz. plus you can slow fall as a reaction. when you think about it, falling doesn’t deal damage- landing does. so all you have to do is block the earth before you hit the ground, and boom! no fall damage. genius.

5. monk 5: fifth level monks can make an extra attack each action! more sword! more! you can also turn your melee strikes into stunning strikes, forcing a constitution save on whoever you hit. if they fail, they’re stunned for a round. then you get advantage on all melee attacks against them for a bit! hit ‘em like a big fleshy pinata!

if you’re having trouble hitting, try spending some ki on your focused aim. spend ki points on a missed attack, add to the roll, maybe don’t miss. easy peasy. just make sure you’re spending on stuff that might actually hit, no point wasting resources on nat 1s.

6. monk 6: sixth level monks get ki empowered strikes and become one with the blade, which practically do the same thing! now your unarmed attacks and kensei attacks are magical to overcome resistances. you can also make a deft strike once per turn, adding your martial arts die to your damage roll. more dice! more rerolling! more! more!

7. cleric 1: if you want to make good swords, you need to have the power of god and anime on your side! HAAAAAAAAA! by that i mean ur a forge cleric! when you pick this class, you get proficiency with heavy armor and smith’s tools, one of those does not matter. betcha can’t guess which one! it’s the armor. y’know, the unarmored defense and all.

fortunately, your blessing of the forge is a little better, letting you turn any armor or weapon you touch into a +1 version at the end of a long rest for the rest of the day.

you also get some spells, tho tbh this build doesn’t really care about them too much. outside of like, two spells, your domain list is fine. speaking of, you get Identify to figure out any cool magic swords you find and Searing Smite. swords are cool. fire is cool. fire swords are extra cool, ironically. hit someone, watch them burn for a bit.

8. Cleric 2: second level clerics can Channel Divinity once per short rest in two ways. Turn Undead is whatever, we haven’t had to deal with skeletons much since Fuyuki, the real draw is Artisan’s Blessing. now you can spend an hour to turn raw metal into any nonmagical metal item worth less than 100 gold. we’re here for swords, but you can realistically make a lot more than that. you can even duplicate items if you want. that being said, we still have a price cap, so these aren’t masterworks just yet. still, make one of these and apply blessing of the forge, then once a local lord is impressed by your craftmanship you can just pump out regular swords and charge through the nose!

9. Cleric 3: third level clerics get second level spells like Heat Metal and Magic Weapon. annoyingly, you can’t heat your own sword for extra damage, it just hurts you if you do that. ugh. you can also grab one of the two spells I’d want from outside your subclass, Augury. now you can spend a minute sizing up a creature to figure out how well fighting them will go. if you might win, you’ll get weal. if you might lose, woe. you can also get both or neither, and using it over and over again will make the spell less accurate. if you’re really worried about your odds, upcasting smites tends to make people win.

10. Cleric 4: when you finally get another ASI, use it to grab the Slasher feat. aside from just being a cool genre of movies it also powers up your slashing attacks and your dexterity- once per turn, you can reduce the speed of a creature you hit with slashing damage, and now your critical hits give enemies disadvantage on attacks for a round. you are the sword guy, you get sword feats. if I could give you great weapon master in a way that would actually work, I would.

11. Cleric 5: fifth level clerics can Destroy Undead when they use their Turn Undead CD. if the undead in question is CR ½ or lower and fails their save, they die instantly. DEATH! DEAAAATH! or redeath, i guess.

you also get third level spells, like Elemental Weapon and Protection from Energy. now you can get a permanent fire sword that doesn’t constantly make you try to drop it! again, we don’t really need other spells. I mean smoke ‘em if you got ‘em, I’m just saying this guy’s a saber. cleric’s got one of the most stacked spell lists in the game, don’t let me stop you from abusing that.

12. Cleric 6: sixth level clerics can Channel Divinity twice a short rest, and you can use the Soul of the Forge. that means you have resistance to fire damage, and you get +1 AC while… wearing… heavy armor. yeah, these classes don’t exactly match up, as you can see.

13. Monk 7: bouncing back to monk, you can use your Evasion to dodge fireballs too, giving you complete negation on a successful dexterity save, and half damage on a failed one. which is then halved again if you’re actually dealing with fire. they have their moments.

you can also use your Stillness of Mind to counteract an effect charming or frightening you as an action, which is nice since we can’t focus on wisdom in this build as much as most monks.

14. Monk 8: use this ASI to grab the Piercer feat! most swords are slashing, but shortswords are still swords, so we have to be thorough. with this, you can re-roll a die of piercing damage once per turn, and you deal an extra die of damage with critical hits. I prefer the bigger swords, but you do you. rapiers are also pretty valid.

15. Monk 9: ninth level monks get an Unarmored Movement Improvement, letting you run up walls and over water as long as you end your turn on regular ground. servants get up to some wacky shit, I wouldn’t put this past them.

16. Monk 10: tenth level monks have a Purity of Body that makes you immune to disease and poison. neat. again, something most servants would have if we could afford it in every build.

17. Monk 11: at eleventh level, we get our last goodie from the way of the kensei, letting you Sharpen the Blade. as a bonus action, you can spend up to 3 ki points, adding that amount to your kensei weapon’s attack and damage rolls for up to a minute, as long as you aren’t already using a magic weapon with a bonus to attacks and damage rolls. get the most out of any sword! even a wooden plank is deadly in your hands.

18. Monk 12: use this ASI to bump up your Dexterity again. if you want to get the most out of a sword, your swording hands need to be at their best.

19. Cleric 7: seventh level clerics get fourth level spells. sure, Wall of Fire is nice, but your other subclass spell is fantastic. Fabricate lets you turn any amount of raw materials into a finished product after ten minutes. you can create a larger or smaller object, or medium if you’re making it out of metal or stone. you need better materials for better product, but masterwork products require proficiency with the tools you’d use to make them in the first place- fortunately, you have proficiency with smith’s tools, so you can quicksmith the hell out of these swords.

you also get your second spell we actually want here- Divination. you need to spend 25 gold, but it only takes an action to ask a god a question about something happening within a week. figuring out the future of creatures you’re fighting so you can sever it sounds like a good choice. that being said, your DM isn’t actually able to see the future, so expect some leeway. also, casting it over and over makes it less reliable, so don’t rely on your clairvoyance too much.

20. Cleric 8: our final level of the build is surprisingly busy for once. you get the Tough feat for an extra 40 HP, but your Destroy Undead also affects creatures of CR 1 and lower, and you make Divine Strikes once a turn, adding 1d8 fire damage to your weapon attacks.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

you are good with swords, and you are good with just about every sword. just about any sword that deals less than a d8 of damage gets its damage boosted already, and you can make any sword you touch into a masterpiece of magical damage in a single bonus action. and that’s all before we add in any deft strikes or divine strikes, all of which get their damage rerolled by your great weapon fighting if you’re using a longsword like you should be. you deal a good amount of damage, you’re consistent, and you always get the best shake out of any weapon you use.

everybody wants weapons, and you can make weapons out of just about anything. if it’s metal, artisan’s blessing. if it’s not? fabricate. you can turn anything into a sword, and you make any sword good. it’s also a pretty easy way to make money if you need it. it’s a dangerous world out there, nobody wants to go it alone.

you are incredibly accurate, which is a lifesaver against high AC enemies. with a maxed out dexterity, plus your proficiency, plus a sharpened blade and focused aim, you can add +20 to an attack roll if you really need to hit something. and with smites, you only need one attack to count for a lot of damage.

Cons:

your multiclassing doesn’t quite work together at points. for example, you can’t use blessing of the forge on your own weapon for a consistent boost if you plan on using Sharpen the Blade on it at all that day. also, the forge cleric’s heavy armor stuff just doesn’t work at all, which stinks.

kensei monks don’t use Ki quite as fast as most others, but they still burn it nonetheless. sharpening the blade all the way will cut your ki pool by 25%, all for one fight. fortunately, clerics have cool stuff to use their bonus action on beyond just flurries of blows, so it’s not all bad.

you have low charisma, so you might have trouble getting your money’s worth out of your swords if you plan on selling them yourself. maybe hang out with a bard or something. oh wait, is that why you switched to Guda’s side?