#but i simply am Not Built For Nutrition At The Start Of The Day

[ecto-archivist]

how do people just wake up and eat something without getting tummy ouchies

[bbyheedeungie]

Fluttering Machinery | Robot! Sunghoon AU

Genre: Fluff, mild angst

Pairings: Robot! Sunghoon x Reader

Warnings: Character death, little suggestive content

Synopsis: Sunghoon was a humanoid built by your father, with the sole purpose of taking care of you once he passes away. But it seems like taking care of you came with discovering emotions that wasn't necessary for cooking, cleaning, and keeping you safe. What is this warm fuzzy feeling that resonates deep inside Sunghoon's mechanism?

It's been months. 6 dreadful months since your father has passed away. The doctors have warned you that he didn't have much time left, but that didn't make the goodbyes hurt any less.

You were 4 years old when your mom left you and your father for another guy. A more successful guy. Your father was bright, with an insatiable hunger for discovery and invention. But his field of work didn't always bring food to the table. And so on most days you had to, well, compromise.

But you loved your father so much, and still do. Although you didn't grow up to be a scientist like him, you knew the basics on automation and robotics. You were 11 years old when you first saw it, the humanoid that he worked on for years came to life before your own very eyes.

He had no skin nor face that made him look human yet. Just a chunk of metal with a head, arms and legs that moved mechanically. Nevertheless, you will never forget the joy and pride in your fathers' face as he watched his creation. The humanoid was a work in progress and you knew one day he's going to change the world. Unbeknownst to you, he was going to change your world.

And now here you are, years into the present as you stood infront of the humanoid who had his eyes shut. Yep, he's a he now. He is Humanoid SH-1282. Your father made him for the purpose of serving the community, to help people. But when he discovered his illness, he started making alterations to his design. He made SH-1282 to serve as the perfect companion, but only to you.

He filled the humanoid's hard drive with everything that he'll need to help you and take care of you. He input cooking, cleaning, and even martial arts. You sighed, remembering your father's last words.

"I'm gonna leave him in your care now, err leave you in his care or whatever. Take good care of each other okay? I love you both so much."

You were such a crybaby, holding on to your father's arm as the nurses were ushering you to wait outside because the doctors are about to perform surgery.

"You'll be okay." Your father mouthed as he smiled knowingly in content.

You reach for the humanoid's neck to find the power button, finally deciding to activate him after holding it off for months.

You held your breath as his eyes open, immediately scanning his surroundings. His eyes land on you, a smile forms on his lips.

"Hi, I'm SH-1282. It's nice to finally meet you, Y/N." He said naturally, offering his hand. If you didn't know any better, you would think he was a normal boy.

You let out a shaky breath as you accept his hand. He frowns, it seems like he is studying your facial expression and posture.

"You seem like you are in distress. Are you alright?" He asks in concern.

"Yeah, I am." You reply weakly.

"Will a hug improve your mood?" He asks. He was programmed to know about the benefits of physical intimacy, but he was also programmed to know consent and so he will not do anything unless you want to.

You contemplated, biting your lip.

"No, thank you." He simply nods, stepping out of his charging port.

"Will you show me around the house?" He asks and you nod.

"Damn this feels so awkward." You think to yourself.

"So here's the living room." You say as SH-1282 takes a good look around the area, his eyes falling to the dirty coffee table with tons of papers stacked messily. The couch looked greasy, with breadcrumbs stuck to the sides of the couch cushions. He scrunches his nose, involuntarily adding a new emotion to his database: disgust.

And as you led him to the kitchen, this emotion intensifies as he sees the containers of Chinese takeouts and cup ramen littered around the counter. He walks to the fridge and finds it empty except for a carton of milk that you put into your cereal for breakfast.

This awakens another emotion for the humanoid, frustration. He pinches the bridge of his nose as he contemplates on what to do with the mess, aka you.

"This won't do. You have been living unhealthily which may reduce your chances of living a long life."

You scoff, "Excuse me?" He gives you a dead stare, an eyebrow raised.

"No, excuse me while I clean up all this. I'll leave you to your own devices, thank you for showing me around today." He says sassily as he goes to find where you hide your cleaning utensils. You stood there dumbfounded.

"Unbelievable." But you let him be anyway. He wasn't wrong, you've been a total mess this past few months but that was all because of the grief. You basically had no family now.

And so for the rest of the day, you lock yourself in your room and do homework. About 5pm, you hear a soft knock at your door.

"Hello, it's me. Can you spare me a minute? I have something to ask of you." You inwardly groan, not really wanting to face the humanoid.

"Can you accompany me to get groceries? I swear this will only happen one time. It is only because I am not yet accustomed to my location. But after I mentally note the directions, you won't have to come with me next time." He didn't really want to bother you, but he knew that going out by himself and getting lost will be much more bothersome for you.

"Sure thing, just let me change into— oh no, you have no other clothes. It's kinda chilly outside today." You mentally facepalm yourself. Why didn't I go shopping for men clothes first before activating him?

"That is fine, I am immune to any temperature." He says as-a-matter-of-fact. You roll your eyes.

"I know that but people will probably get suspicious to see a man walking around in a shirt and jeans when everybody else has coats on. We need you to fit in as much as possible."

You search for your father's old coat that you refused to throw away even months after he's passed.

"Sorry dad, but he kinda needs this right now." And so you dress the humanoid in your oversized university sweatshirt (which surprisingly fits him perfectly) and your father's old coat.

"How do I look? Will I fit in now?" He asks as he scans his appearance in the mirror.

"You look—" absolutely breathtaking. You had every urge to slap yourself. Your father really didn't play around when he made the humanoid's face. He could pass up as an idol. And the cute little mole on his nose was a good addition to his features that made him even more realistic.

"Great. People won't suspect a thing."

The two of you head out. Contrary to your expectations that he would marvel at everything he sees outside, he just casually looks around. You ride the bus together, and the humanoid processes everything that you do, noting how everything works.

What caught you by surprise though, is how he immediately stands up in instinct to let an old lady sit down in his place. He sure was programmed with manners and chivalry. You smiled at the thought.

You made your way inside the grocery store, only intended to grab a basket but the humanoid insisted on a push cart.

"We have so much to buy, I've taken a mental note of everything we'll need." You simply roll your eyes and let him push the cart around as you wandered behind him. You look around as he reads the nutritional facts of every single thing he sees.

"This is definitely going to take a while." You muttered.

"Y/N? Is that you?" A voice squealed. You hissed and attempted to turn away, pretending you didn't see her. The humanoid saw how you reacted and swiftly rushed to your side in a protective stance. The stranger eyes the humanoid, her eyes sparkling at the sight of such a gorgeous man.

"Why hello there. Y/N you didn't tell me you've been busy with your boyfriend, we haven't hung out in a while." Both of your eyes widened at the misunderstanding.

"Oh, no he's not— we aren't—" You tried to explain but she just laughed out loud.

"Look how flustered you are. You know what, it's okay. But we have a lot of catching up to do!" She said, squishing your cheeks in a playful manner.

"So what's your name, handsome stranger?" She asks, turning to the confused humanoid.

"I'm S—"

"Sunghoon! His name is Sunghoon." You blurted out. Sunghoon was the name of your childhood crush when you were like 7 but that'll have to do. Unfortunately, it seems that the humanoid got even more confused.

"I am Y/N's—"

"Neighbor. He lives next door to my apartment. I was just showing him around because he just recently moved into the city." You say quickly. She can't know that you're living with a guy. Even if said guy wasn't human.

"Awww how sweet of you to go shopping with your neighbor." She said, winking at you. She's definitely not convinced.

"I'm Yeonmi, Y/N's friend." She introduced, offering her hand to Sunghoon. He took her hand reluctantly.

"You mean my super obnoxious friend." You roll your eyes.

"Shut up, you love me." She teased. Admittedly, you've been avoiding her for months now. Ever since your father passed, it was as if you didn't want to deal with anyone anymore, with the fear of being left behind again. So you shut everyone out. You know it was a very selfish move and must've made everyone worry, but you have yet to figure out how to fix things back to how it is.

You said your goodbyes not without a long, tight hug from Yeonmi and Sunghoon noticed from his scanners how your vitals greatly improved from it. This made him feel another new emotion: relief. He was very thankful for your friend who made you feel better.

You continue venturing down the aisle of food, and you find the humanoid smiling to himself. He notices your attention on him and he shakes his head, as if shrugging his thoughts off.

"What?" You asked.

"You gave me a name. Although I'm unsure if it is necessary, thank you." He says genuinely as he smiles at you, your heart skipping a beat.

"You're welcome, Sunghoon." You smiled back.

He picked up lots of fruits and vegetables, with you whining the whole time. Your whines unlocked another emotion of his; annoyance.

"No wonder her father thought she is in need of taking care of, she acts like a child." He concludes, running his fingers through his hair as he lets you get an ice cream of your choice. Oddly, seeing a bright smile on your face as you show him what flavor you got seems to put him at ease.

The two of you got home at dawn, with quickly stacking up the groceries into the cabinets and fridge, with you slumping down on the now squeaky clean couch.

It had been quite a long day and you found yourself dozing off. You woke up from the light tap on your shoulder, eyes fixating on Sunghoon with your apron wrapped around his torso.

"I could get used to this." You thought, admiring how adorable the humanoid looked but quickly pushing the thoughts away.

"Sorry to wake you, it's time for dinner." He announces and you lazily nodded, not before yawning and stretching your arms.

"Uhh, what is this?" You asked, eyeing your plate.

"It's your dinner." He says nonchalantly, expecting you to start eating. Your face shows utter disgust at the plate of vegetables.

"Please don't make me eat that." You begged. Sunghoon rolls his eyes; a trait he adapted from spending just a day with you.

"Don't be dramatic, vegetables are good for you." He states, taking the plate from you and attempting to feed you.

"Come on, say ah." He says playfully. After realizing how much you acted like a child, he researched on how to take care of children and downloaded it into his database. You scrunch your nose, leaning away from the food and shooting him a glare.

"Sunghoon, I'm not a kid." You deadpanned.

"Oh, but you won't get your ice cream if you don't eat this." He says, pouting at you teasingly. He's really good at this. With a sigh, you open wide and allow him to feed you.

"Yep, definitely a kid." He thinks to himself as he smiles in satisfaction, another emotion unlocked.

That night, you decided to move his charging port (with his help) from the lab into the spare room of the apartment.

"You know, I'm completely okay with staying at the lab." He reasoned but you quickly hush him.

"Nope. That is no way to treat a person. You deserve your own room, okay? A room that you can fill with your own stuff and decorate with your own preferences. End of discussion." You sassed as you fix his charging port into place. Sunghoon blinked at you, unable to express how grateful he is of how kind you are to him.

"She wants to treat me like a real human being." He thinks, his mechanical heart overwhelmed with gratitude.

Days went on with a routine, with him cleaning all day and you attending online classes. There were occasional bumps in the road, with you getting annoyed with how much of a neat freak he is and him getting irritated with how lazy you are at taking care of yourself. You've also taught him how to watch tv, deciding not to let him use the internet yet because he might gain too much unnecessary information online.

And so on a saturday night, you sat together on the couch as you watched figure skating competitions. Sunghoon was at complete awe the whole time, studying how the skaters moved through the ice.

"I want to skate too." He states absentmindedly, attention still on the television. You smiled, thinking how it was the first time he actually said he wanted something.

"Then let's do it, let's go skating tomorrow." You say, his head immediately shot to you.

"What, really?" Sunghoon asks in disbelief, his eyes widening.

"Yes, really. Although I'm warning you, I don't know how to skate." You laughed, with him chuckling as well.

"Then we'll learn together." He promises.

What a total lie that is. He didn't need to learn, as you watched him move swiftly against the ice, the wind in his hair as he circled around, his focused eyes twinkling in the fairy lights. He looked ethereal. You could have sworn there were tears there as you cheered him on like a proud momma. Ah, they grew up so fast.

People at the park also stopped to watch Sunghoon, whispering about how talented the young man is. His eyes caught yours, and you weren't sure if you were seeing things but you thought you saw him send you a wink and smile.

"The TV been teaching him things." You muttered, blushing but not from the cold. Sunghoon skates towards you, pulling you with him. You're eyes widened in fear.

"N-no Sunghoon I can't—" but he was already leading you through the ice, eyes never leaving yours.

"You can." He whispers, taking you by the waist as he spun you around. You giddily laughed as you threw your arms out, savouring the chilly air. You didn't even notice the people watching and cooing at you as some joined in as well.

That night, Sunghoon felt something he never felt before, and you in a long time. You felt happy.

"Say aaaah~" Sunghoon said as he fed you chicken soup. You caught a cold from skating yesterday and now you're wrapped in a super cozy blanket with Sunghoon worrying about you.

"You know I can feed myself right?" You said, swallowing the food.

"I know, but I just feel responsible because I was the one who wanted to skate. You got sick because of me, and that kinda defeats my purpose because I'm supposed to be keeping you healthy." He rambled. You roll your eyes at him.

"Colds are normal, okay? Besides, I haven't had that much fun in a while. Thank you for that, Sunghoon." You say, reaching up to tussle his hair playfully. He froze, cogs in his mind unable to process as something inside him stirred, but in a pleasant way.

--

"So you dance while rubbing your body on a stranger?" Sunghoon questions, but he's not sure if he wants to know the answer. Tonight, you wore a simple black dress that teasingly showed a little bit of cleavage and a decent length of fabric that hugged tightly around your upper thighs but had a daringly high slit. Sunghoon approves and disapproves at the same time.

"Yeah, it's kinda like that. But don't worry, I won't be doing that. I'll just stay by the bar the whole time." You reassured as you struggled to put on your strappy heels. Sunghoon kneels down infront of you and helps you clasp the straps around your ankles, handling it very delicately. Your heart thumps as he looks up at you.

"Are you sure you don't want me to accompany you?" He asks for the fifth time as he follows you around the house like a puppy. You sigh, actually considering it. Although it was supposed to be a girl's night according to Yeonmi, you thought maybe having Sunghoon tag along wouldn't do harm.

But it did. It did harm to you, alright. And you wanted to harm those girls who kept on grinding their asses onto Sunghoon as slow, sexy music played. You were fuming, regretting dressing Sunghoon in such fashion that screamed big D energy. Why am I being so possessive? But then again, Sunghoon does look uncomfortable. I should go save him. Yeah, I'll do that.

"Hold my drink." You tell Yeonmi as you made your way to Sunghoon.

"You go girl! Get your man!" Yeonmi cheered drunkly.

Your train of thoughts were blurred by the alcohol as you struggled to walk straight. You had only one clear thought in mind: Sunghoon. I need to get to Sunghoon.

Sunghoon stood uncomfortably, eyeing the girls who rubbed their bossoms and derriere all over him. Is this supposed to be fun? He thinks innocently. He sees you walking towards him, swaying your hips side by side as you strode towards him like a predator.

Girls hovering around him going unnoticed as you were the only one he could see.

Stunning, beautiful. He thought.

"Hey handsome, care to dance?" You asked, pulling him to you before he could even answer. The girls spat at you, telling you to 'get in line' but you just shot them a smug look.

"Sorry ladies." Sunghoon apologized, but his smile told otherwise as he let you pull him away from them.

"You don't know how badly I wanted to get away from—" He froze in his spot as you wrap your arms around his neck, inching closer than ever before. You felt bold, but maybe that was just the alcohol in your system. And as you started moving your body against Sunghoon, you knew it wasn't just you who felt the heat. His large palms go down south, resting on your swaying hips as both of you moved to the sultry rhythm.

His mechanism was going nuts, threatening to malfunction as his sensors detected your very close proximity to him. Whatever you were playing, it was dangerous. But Sunghoon couldn't help but to want more, to desire more.

"Y/N." He whispers, and you look up at him with half lidded eyes. And damn did he find you so sexy right there, under the strobe lights. No girl in the club could ever compare.

"Home?" You suggested.

"Home." He agrees.

As you got in the cab, you immediately find yourself half straddling Sunghoon's lap as you attempt to kiss him. Luckily, Sunghoon can think clearer now and concludes that a drunk Y/N is a very horny Y/N. And though the thought that it was only the alcohol that made you want him made him feel sad, he knew it was wrong to demand such things from you.

And so with your futile attempts to get into his pants, he gently lays your head on his shoulder and hugs you to keep you still. But even that couldn't stop you from squirming to get away from his hold, trying to get some action. He chuckles as he held your hand tightly in his to prevent it from landing into his crotch.

"Now now, you have to stay put. I won't be taking advantage of your state." He scolds gently. And by the time the cab had stopped in front of the building of your apartment, you were fast asleep in Sunghoon's arms.

Times like these were when Sunghoon is glad he was made of aluminum. He scooped you up in his arms like a pillow as he walked up to your apartment. You snuggled up into his chest, looking so innocent as you soaked up his warmth. Sunghoon cooed about how adorable you are, talking to you in your sleep.

He placed you delicately on your bed, contemplating whether to change your clothes or not. He decided not to, noting how your privacy is important to you. You're too drunk and asleep to give him permission right now anyway. He took off your heels and wiped your makeup off very gently, and tucked you in properly.

Long minutes pass as he studies your face, stroking your hair softly as the corners of his mouth lift up unconsciously. He really loves taking care of you. He loves you.

This realization hits him like a truck of overwhelming emotions, but it all makes sense to him now.

"I love you, Y/N." He whispers, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead before retiring to his own room.

[gureishi]

Random headcanon I want to share because the imagery is...nice! If Saeran ever expresses an interest in starting to work out to make himself stronger, Saeyoung just eagerly volunteers himself to show him the ropes at a gym. All that knowledge of going from scrawny to strong as an agent finally being useful. (If it's SE Saeran instead of GE I like to think that they'd set up a small home gym in the bunker to make him more comfortable). MC taking care of the diet side of things and reaping the rewards of post work out tank top Saeyoung (and Saeran if it's a Choi sandwich relationship).  ˙˚ଘo(∗  ❛ั ᵕ ❛ั )੭່˙

WHAT A LOVELY HEADCANON. YES I LIKE THIS VERY MUCH.

With SE Saeran, I can see this happening...after some time has passed. At first, he’s focused on just living: the symptoms of his trauma are too all-encompassing for him to worry about much beyond keeping himself alive. But time goes by, and he slowly starts to heal. There’s simply no plausible version of this timeline where he doesn’t get back in therapy, even though he’s left the hospital—he’ll have to do it under a fake name, of course, but it’s absolutely crucial that he’s getting proper care. I like to bring this up whenever I talk about SE Saeran, because it’s important to me—and it’s a big piece of the context to understanding his recovery.

So I can absolutely see him reaching a point where he takes it upon himself to become stronger. He’s felt weak and ill his whole life; if I were his therapist, I would suggest he find a way to start feeling connected to his body.

Oh, and what I would give to see the look on Saeyoung’s face when Saeran mentions this (offhand, like he doesn’t really mean it—though he’s been stewing on it for days, unsure how to bring it up). And not to be horny on main (who am I kidding? I am always horny on main), but the image of the two of them doing pull-ups side-by-side in the little gym they’ve built in the bunker makes my face feel all hot. Gimme tank top Saeyoung any day—but both Choi twins in tank tops, all sweaty after a workout? I’m melting.

And with GE Saeran? I love the idea of him deciding to try and get stronger! Unlike SE Saeran, he’s happy in his own body—he knows how resilient he is, and he’s proud of how far he’s come. But that doesn’t mean he’s physically healthy. He’s been receiving extremely poor nutrition his entire life; he’s done a lot more sitting and typing than running and stretching. No matter what timeline we’re in, Saeran is scrawny.

And in this timeline they could go to the gym together—because they’re free; because Saeran is comfortable being who he is and (finally) getting the chance to experience the world a little bit. What MC wouldn’t want to tag along?! GE Saeran is actually willing to ask his brother for help—and the joy it brings Saeyoung to be able to teach Saeran something (something he never wanted to have to learn in the first place)! For the first time, he’s grateful for all that agency training—it means there’s something concrete he can do for his brother. That’s all he’s ever wanted, after all.

And once again, they’re sweaty. I’m dying.

Make them some nutritious snacks! They deserve it.

[my-fanfic-library]

Something Different {BBC Dracula x Reader}

Masterlist

~^*^~

The fog that had settled overnight was nothing short of opaque. Thick and with an amber tinge, it seemed to cast a curtain between the north cliffs and the harbour, and, the North Sea, of course. However, a little fog wasn’t going to get in the way of any business or any vendor today as people still busted about the small seaside town, getting on with life.

Your feet carried you over the swing bridge and down to Bridge Street, where shops began to open by pulling up their shutters and the owners looking out expectantly as the small clusters of customers waiting to come in. Instead of following the road round to find yourself on the other side of the mouth of the River Esk, you abruptly turned left up to Church Street, where the cobbled road made walking just that little less easier. The boutiques here were also opening up, doors unlocking and shutters ascending to be concealed by the concrete above the windows.

Although the fog that had seemingly come from nowhere overnight, the humid summer air still clung to the streets and made a sheen of sweat grow on your skin. The walk from the viaduct, all the way down the cinder track and even this far was quite a trek when it got warm. 8am, a foggy day and you were still panting from the heat? Something wasn’t right.

But then again, you had read in the news this morning that a strange man had been surrounded by police on the sea front, not too far from the cliffs that hosted Whitby Abbey in the early hours of the morning. And that was the cause for your journey so early. Clutching your bag closer to your chest, you made your way past the countless Whitby Jet distributors and found yourself at the top of Church Street, eyeing the 199 steps.

“Quite a lot of exercise for first thing in the morning, no?”

You snapped your head left, eyes connecting with the blue orbs belonging to Dr. Zoe Van Helsing. Her eyes smiled at you, along with her lips that pulled up mischievously. She had caught you off-guard and she knew it. Replying to her question with a hint of sarcasm, you both began to climb the stairs. About halfway up, when the seagulls had no issue with swooping far too close to your head, you decided to pipe up and inquire about the gentleman you had been called to visit.

“Ah, you mean the Count? Yes, he is definitely a piece of work. We have a whole test group of people to come in close contact with him, however, we’d still like for you to have a chat with him, given your expertise in the area.” She turned her head to look at you expectantly.

“Well, it sounds like it’ll be a challenge. But you know me, I love a challenge.” You smirked back at her.

“We’ll see.”

When you both made it to the top of the steps, you stood to take in a deep breath of air and look back out towards Whitby. The fog was moving inland and it was getting difficult to see even the band stand, which stood overlooking the harbour on the opposite side of the mouth of the river from where you stood. There was a faint noise coming from the amusements and the sound of people slowly filling up the streets. But it was all drowned out by the roar of the North Sea, the howls of the summer winds and screeches of seagulls.

You turned once more, facing towards and beyond St Mary’s Chruch. Just further up, you could make out the peaks of Whitby Abbey. You were close. No more words were shared between the pair of you as you walked further up. You pushed past the open gates and found yourself facing the visitor centre. You turned right once more and before you, as grand as every, the Jonathan Harker Foundation.

Zoe led you through the winding halls and turns once inside and it seemed she knew the place like the back of her hand. You had only been inside a handful of times, and yet you still hadn’t acquainted yourself at all with the winding halls.

“I must warn you before we go in, so I suggest you take a seat.” Zoe began, leading you into a small room with a desk. She held the door for you as you stepped inside and reluctantly took your seat.

“You say it like it’s a life or death situation.”

“Actually, it is.” As if she had simply stated on the weather, she strode last you and slumped down into the seat opposite.

“You alright?”

“A little tired. Nothing a cup of coffee can’t fix. Now, let me explain to you a little about the gentleman we are... housing. You need to throw all of your understandings of this world out of the window. This isn’t some basic cannibal or murderer we’re dealing with.” With every word, with the seriousness of her tone, you were starting to panic.

“Ok, Zoe, you’re really starting to worry me now.”

“There’s no need to panic. You see, you will be in safe hands and there are precautions put into place to ensure your safety.”

“My safety? What on Earth, Zoe-?”

“Count Dracula, the man you will be speaking to today, is a vampire.” Your mouth dropped at the words. The absudety of it all! A real life vampire?! What nonsense!

“Ok, you’re definitely pulling my leg. There’s-...” you looked at the demeanour of her expression. Her eyes were cold, lips softly turned into a frown. She wasn’t joking.

“Count Dracula is approximately 525 years old. He spent 123 years drawing energy in a box of his own Transylvanian earth at the bottom of the before emerging last night. According to oral accounts, Dracula is the cause of one of my own ancestors deaths, along with several others on the Demeter that brought him here. You will be assessing him - just like you do with all of the other criminals you’ve worked with before. Except he isn’t a criminal. He’s a beast.”

Those last three words rung in your ears continuously as you followed Zoe down the hallway towards the room that held this beast of a man. You did not know what to expect, though the image of an old and shrivelled man concealing superhuman strength came to mind. He was over 500 years old, after all. You had read the case file after Zoe’s briefing with you, and learnt about the real mystery of the Demeter whose ruins lay on the coast line. It had come as a shock to you to learn of such things actually existing, yet you had no time to digest the information as you practically marched behind Zoe. Lining the hallway was an abundance of guards; you took notice of the fact that they were oddly guarded with crosses and stakes. Clearly all of this vampire lore turned out to be true. You wondered if Zoe had figured this out, or if it was the work of her ancestor who was murdered by the man lurking behind you door you stride towards.

“Don’t let him intimidate you. He’s like a dog - can smell fear a mile away. He feeds off of it.” These were Zoe’s last words to you before she pushed the doors open. A large room stood before you, with a glass square in the centre perched on a circular stage rising maybe a foot higher than the rest of the floor. Inside the box, a desk, and standing in the corner, hidden in the shadows, a looming figure. Zoe spoke again, “you may close the skylight. Let him come to us.”

As if her words were spoken by a god, the light that streamed down into the glass container began to dim as load croaks came from the ceiling. Now, he was free to roam his transparent prison. Your eyes locked on his form, watching as he slowly prowled forwards. His nose twitched and pulled his head up. He was taking in a scent.

“Ah, I see you’ve brought me another new appetiser.” His smirk was plastered over his face and you were finally able to take in his features.

He was nothing of your imagination. Nothing close. He was a towering 6’4” with ebony locks styled up and out of his face. Matching thick eyebrows kept watch over darkened eyes and although his face was clearly mature, it was built well and prominent with masculinity. This, paired with the tailored suit he wore (where on Earth he had managed to acquire such clothing, you hadn’t a clue) screamed danger. It screamed warning. He was sophisticated; he was inviting; that meant he was dangerous. His feet carried him towards the glass panel closest to you and he pressed his long, thick hands up against the glass.

“I can smell her from here.” His smirk deepened.

“Pay him no attention, [First], he’s trying to scare you.” Zoe rolled her eyes, leading you closer towards the cell.

“No, just... testing the waters.” His tone was slightly mocking. His voice was deep and somewhat sensual to the ears. It was nice, melodic voice. It was a dangerous voice. Just like the rest of him.

“Well, there’s absolutely no need. Count Dracula, this is my associate, [First].” Zoe stepped aside, allowing him better access too look you up and down. Had he been a normal male, the gaze would have been dubbed rather disgusting, eyeing you up with a sickly grin toying on his charming features. But he was not a normal male and he was gazing at you like a predator eyeing up its prey.

“Very nice to make your acquaintance, [First].” He locked his eyes with yours and you could only stand the building tension for a fraction of a second. But you continued to keep the gaze locked, wanting to prove that you were the stronger of the two of you, “oh, I like her.”

“Good. You’ll be spending a considerable amount of time with her. Now, step back so she can enter - and don’t you dare forget that we can end your pathetic existence in a second if you attempt to harm her.”

“I have been around for over 500 years, Helsing, so don’t be surprised if some things happen to slip my mind.”

“You have no reason to harm her. We have provided you with adequate nutrition.” Zoe stated plainly, leading you closer to the door.

“You humans have no reason to indulge in confections, yet you do. It’s about the satisfaction, is it not?” His eyes bore wicked holes into you. You were much too close to him now, mere meters and a thin sheet of glass separating you from him.

“I am not your confection, Count Dracula.” You narrowed your eyes, “ and believe me, you try to put a single malicious finger on me and it will be the last thing you do.”

“Ooh, feisty. You remind me of someone I once knew. Hopefully your fate will not adhere to a path similar to theirs...” he trailed off and once he realised your presence was about to accompany him, he stepped backwards, keeping his eyes locked on you.

“Do not threaten her.” Zoe warned before turning to you and placing her mouth close to your ear, “he tries anything funny, use your fingers as a makeshift cross. We’ll get you out as soon as we can.” You merely nodded, psyching yourself up for this fateful date with a real life vampire.

The ceiling opened up as the door opened in sync and you stepped over the threshold. Immediately, you were hit with an intoxicating scent of something. Pine, maybe? Or something more earthy. It filled your lungs in a matter of seconds and you took a moment to intake the scent, pleasing to your senses. 

Dracula’s eyes watched you closely as you placed your bag down beside the door as it snapped shut. Now, a triangle of light illumated the centre of the glass cell and Dracula was pinned against one dark corner.

“Come closer.” His velvety smooth voice commanded, long finger beckoning you towards him. You knew that he wouldn’t try anything here. The jeopardy to his life was too great, and so you found yourself being pulled closer towards him. In this proximity to him, you realised just how much he towered above you. His head found itself slowly rolling downwards to stay connected with your eyes and his mouth was turned upwards smugly.

You grew closer still, until all that remained between you was the barrier of light. An oddly symbolic line of goodness and of evil.

“May I?” His eyes trailed down to your hand. You looked at him, eyes narrowing slightly, “my only intention is to be chivalrous, I swear.”

“If I get even a hint of tooth-“

“You have my word that you will not.” His eyes flashed with mischief.

Oh, the way he spoke! The way he smiled! The charm oozed from him, but that was to be expected. He had over five centuries of experience under his belt in the art of charming his victims. Of course he was going to be good at it.

Hesitantly, you lifted your hand and it cut through the veil of darkness. Part of you was intruding on his side now. His cold hand slipped under your own, a tinge of freezing cold electricity running up your arm and down your spine. The smirk that had played on his lips since the very moment you stepped into the room moved towards the back of your hand, and cool lips struck your flesh.

“Compliant, I like it.” He spoke against your hand, “why don’t you come into the shadows?”

You immediately pulled your hand away, taking a large step back into the light as you did so.

“Why don’t you come into the light?” You mimicked.

“Touché.” He turned his head to look at Zoe who was standing close to the door, “where did you find this one ? She’s got a fire to her.”

“Yes, well let’s hope you don’t get burnt.” Zoe countered, ignoring his question.

You looked around the cell, mostly at the large desk in the centre where a chair sat on either side. You looked back at the count who was eyeing you up (again), clearly waiting for your next move. Taking a breath, you pondered on the recklessness of your request the followed.

“Close the skylight.”

“[First], that’s not safe!” Zoe called, alarm bells clearly ringing in her head at the million different scenarios that could play out from that action alone.

“It’s alright,” you eyed Dracula, “he won’t hurt me. He knows his place.” You glared.

“I do, do I?” His right eyebrow cocked.

“Yes. Now to make yourself comfortable. We have quite a discussion.”

When the sound of the skylight closing filled your ears, your heart began to pound. You took steps backwards in the light as it retreated, and like a slow, careful dance, he took steps forwards, like he was commander and the darkness filling the space was his army. This was a battle you were losing.

“You’ve got some nerves, haven’t you?” He lowered his voice, “trusting a vampire so easily.”

“I don’t trust you. I trust them.” You eyed the several guards stationed around the room.

“And who do you think would come out as victorious?”

“Why don’t you tell me? I want to know everything about you, Count Dracula. Now, take a seat.”

You slumped down into one of the two chairs and Dracula took the seat opposite. He sat up with a straightened back, crossing one leg delicately over the other and rested his elbow on the mahogany, and his chin in the palm of his hand.

“I can hear it.” He spoke softly, eyes once again locking with yours. Every time they did so, your heart faltered.

“Hear what?”

“The blood rushing through your veins. It was rather sweet the way it jumped when I kissed your hand. Tell me, [First], why are you putting up such a front? I can read you like an open book. You’re nervous, you’re afraid.”

“I told you. I’m not afraid. You can’t harm me because they will harm you.”

“And again, I must lead you back to the rhetorical question of who would win?”

“You believe it is you, correct?”

“Correct.” He leaned forwards, closing the gap by another inch, “well, I know. I do not believe anything.”

“Well, I know that all we have to do is open up that light once more and you’re toast. Quite literally.” He chuckled at this. A deep, booming noise that sent a chill down your spine.

“There it is again, your heart. You must be infatuated with me.”

“You wish.” You glared, “now why don’t you tell me just what happened on board the Demeter.”

“You see, to tell that story, I’d have to begin right back in Transylvania - months before I even set foot on that ship.” He noted, eyes boring into your face.

“I have already read the accounts, Count Dracula. I already know. I want to hear it from you.” You folded you arms, tryinf to control your heart rate.

“Why from me?”

“To understand you. That’s why I’m here. Surely you knew that. Just get on with it. I don’t have all day.” You unfolded your arms, your impatience beginning to get the better of you. Your fingers found their way to the edge of the table.

“Then let’s begin,” he raised his head, just enough to slip his hand down into the table. In a swift movement, his right hand had swept up your left and encased it in coolness, “when I stepped foot on the Demeter.”

It took no less than two hours for Dracula to finish his account of the Demeter and he decided to also explain what had happened after he was arrested on the beach in the early morning. The entire time, he was effortlessly attempting to charm a little of your trust into him, but from the first words that left his mouth, you knew what his game was and you wouldn’t give up. Often, his foot would brush against your own, he’d insist on eye contact, or he’d grasp your hand in his at every opportunity he could get. By the time he was finished, you were beyond pissed off with his actions, horrified with the story he had told and exhausted from trying to keep your body from ratting your true emotions out to him.

“Right,” you began, pushing yourself up from the table, “I think that will be all for today.”

“Going so soon?” He faux pouted. He rose with you, clearly trying to prove his dominance over you one more time before you left.

“Unfortunately for you, yes. I’m afraid your company has ran out for today.”

“Is she coming back again?” He looked past you, towards Helsing who was frowning deeply.

“Perhaps. Don’t concern yourself with it, though.” Zoe snapped, “come, [First], you have other appointments this afternoon.”

Turning on your heel, you began to make a b-line for the door. However, the vampire behind you had other plans and before you had even made it halfway, his icy fingers hand tangled around your wrist and kept you held in place. Your heart jumped. Your blood pounded in your ears. His lips brushed against the cartilage of your ear, a cool sensation rippling throughout the left side of your head.

“You really must work on that heart of yours, it is much too easy to pin when you’re lying.” He mumbled, the words pooling in your ear, “even now, the blood coursing your veins is pumping with some vigor. It makes me... hungry.”

You tore your body out of his grasp, turning on your heel to face him and the smug look on his face at the reaction he gained from you. The door was opened and two strong arms hailed you backwards before the door shut once more and light began to flood the cell. Your body collapsed under the pressure of the other person pulling you and your knees buckled.

“Are you alright?!” Zoe was by your side, kneeling quickly to help you up, “you!” She bellowed to the vamp, “you shall be getting only scraps today for that!”

“Now, where have I heard that before...” Dracula mused.

He watched as you practically fled the room, eyes following your every movement until the doors shut. Helsing was glaring at him.

Your feet carried you, the adrenaline pumped in your veins and it was like you knew your way back out without ever having remembering it before. At the entrance, a man dressed up a little too much was arguing with the lady sitting behind the white desk, but you could only catch a snippet as you got yourself out of the building as quickly as you could.

“...-don’t understand! I’m his lawyer!”

Later that evening, when your appointments had all been dutifully carried out, you found yourself wandering along the beach below the cliffs where Whitby Abbey stood proud. The summer air had cooled and the fog had all but dissolved into the summer air. You looked out towards the wave cut platform where rock pools had been formed, and remembered times when you were younger and had gone fossiling (usually with little luck), or waded throughout the rock pools until the sea licked the sand once more.

The dusty sky was lilac, slowly bleeding into navy the higher up you looked and the sun had already disappeared behind the horizon south of you, behind the swing bridge and beyond. The tide was completely out, the waves sounding years away as seagulls cruised the sky above, unable to find any supper for the evening. The sand was derelict apart from you.

“We meet again.” You gasped loudly, turning on your heel to come face-to-chest with a rather unfortunately familiar form.

“Wha-.. I-... how did you-?”

“Get out?” He finished your rambles amusedly, “I have connections.”

“Even though you technically haven’t been on earth for over a century?”

“Yes, despite that.”

“What is it that you want...?” You took a step back, feeling a small pebble bite the underside of your foot through the flimsy sandals you wore. His eyes bored down into yours with such an intense predatory gaze that you felt your knees buckle for the second time in the day. He grinned.

“What else? You.”

[suitofvibraniumarmor]

Headstrong

Part Three

Summary: After moving past the locker room incident, Bucky and Haven continue on with training for an upcoming fight.  Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC Word Count: 1895 Warnings: Angst; discussion of cancer, amputation, infidelity, drunk driving, car accident and related injuries.  A/N: Taglist is open, you can be added to the one for this fic or Buckvember simply by sending an ask. Happy Reading!

Series Masterlist

Right after dinner, Haven put on a touch of makeup, smoothed out her shorts and t-shirt, and slipped into a pair of sneakers before telling Wes she was going out for a little bit. 

When she entered the bar, she looked around for Bucky; he raised his right arm to get her attention at a booth toward the back of the place. She waved an acknowledgement, stopping at the counter to order a drink for herself before she joined him. 

“Thanks for meeting me,” she started, sliding into the booth. “After this morning … honestly, I wanted to forget everything about it, but Wes said it’s probably best not to ignore it and let tension build up.”

Bucky nodded. “Sure, I can understand that. I hope you know, Haven, it was truly an honest mistake. I wasn’t paying attention, I’ve never been there before. It won’t happen again.”

“Thank you,” she replied, smiling softly. “I know it was a mistake — I was never worried about that. I wasn’t exactly gracious in my reaction, but you caught me off guard. I apologize for that.”

“No apology necessary.”

Her drink arrived. She thanked the waitress and took a few sips before continuing. “And I want to apologize for the way I declined your lunch invitation. We’re going to be working together closely and often, but I thought if I kept things more professional than I did with my last coach … it’s a self-preservation thing, I guess. I let things go too far with him, let it become personal. Too personal, and it almost cost me my career.”

Bucky assured her that he could understand. “Boxing was the most important thing to me, and it was taken away. Turns out, it takes two flesh arms to stay in the ring. I got lost for a while, hid away — I’m sure you heard about that. I’m pushing myself, taking this job and getting back into the business in any form. What I’m trying to say, Haven, is that we don’t have be best friends or anything, but, besides all the work together we’ll be doing, we’ve got some things in common. There’s going to be a personal note to our relationship, but even that doesn’t have to cross professional lines.”

“Thank you,” Haven told him quietly. The tension in her shoulders released and she continued to sip at her drink. She wanted to tell him more, but the words wouldn’t come. Something she was doing was giving her away because a few seconds later, Bucky’s warm fingers covered hers. 

“When you’re ready to talk about the rest of it, we can. There’s no rush.”

Haven pulled her hand out from under his. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

They finished off those drinks, and Haven paid the tab for both of them. They bid each other goodbye with a wave in the lot and went their separate ways. 

For a couple of weeks, they kept things what Bucky called casually professional. They didn’t see each other outside of the gym again, he was extra careful about which locker room he went into at the end of each session, and he didn’t push her for any personal information. He didn't offer any, either. 

Haven was getting stronger and more ready for a fight by the day. They hadn’t been training together long, but Bucky could see she was chomping at the bit to compete. Her punches were coming harder and faster when he called out combos, their sparring sessions were becoming more intense. 

“There’s a fight in Los Angeles at the end of the month,” Bucky informed the siblings one afternoon after he and Haven had showered, and Wes was able to join them in the gym. “I think Haven can be ready by then. The other fighter on the card, Helen Cho, is also a newer pro and, from my research, I think she and Haven will be a good match.”

“You really think I’ll be ready?”

Bucky nodded with enthusiasm. “Without a doubt. Honestly, I’d put you in the ring against this girl today, if we had to. You’re a natural boxer and your lighter training while you recovered probably helped you to stay on track. What do you think?”

Haven looked at Wes, who nodded. “All right. I’m in.”

“Great,” Bucky smiled. “We’ll get you on the card and start training harder over the next couple of weeks. I want to be in Los Angeles a few days before the fight to do some training in their weather, get your body adapted to it.”

The next task was to contact the right people, find a flight and a hotel, and work out a temporary training schedule. They talked about nutrition, too; all of them wanted Haven in top fighting condition so her first pro fight could be a win. 

While Bucky put the finishing touches on the training schedule, Haven and Wes quietly argued about something by the door. Wes finally won out after a few minutes, it seemed, and left the gym. Haven huffed, her hands tightening into fists at her sides. Bucky wouldn’t have been surprised if she stomped her foot for effect. 

“Coach, do you have some time to talk before you leave,” Haven asked, blurting it out as a statement and not a question. 

Bucky nodded and motioned for her to join him in the ring. They both sat on the edge of the ring, their legs hanging over. Haven leaned forward on the ropes. Bucky kicked his legs with his hands in his lap, patiently waiting for whatever it was she had to say. When two minutes passed and she hadn’t said anything, Bucky decided maybe it would be easier for her to open up to him if he opened up to her first. 

“Right after I won my last title, I couldn’t shake the pain in my left arm,” Bucky began. “I did three more fights and it just got worse every time. Finally let my trainer convince me to get it checked out. Doc did x-rays and found a mass on my humerus.”

Haven frowned. “Cancer?”

“Cancer,” Bucky echoed. “It could have been removed and maybe beat with chemo, but I let it go on too long. I didn't want to hear that whatever was happening would end my career, but it did anyway. They had to take the arm, or it would have taken my life.”

“I’m so sorry, Buck.”

He smiled, both in gratitude for her empathy and because she hadn’t called him Coach. “The upside, I guess, is that being a prize fighter puts you in line for cutting-edge technology like this.” He flexed his prosthetic arm and a light whizzing came from inside the thing. “I can’t fight but I can function. And I’m alive.”

She sniffled, and Bucky could see that her eyes had glazed over. “Do you ever get angry that you can’t compete anymore?”

“Sometimes,” he confessed. 

She leaned back on both arms. “I was so angry when I thought my career would be over. Punched a hole in the wall in my bedroom one day because I got so angry.” She looked up to the ceiling, so Bucky kept his eyes on his hands in his lap. “Brock Rumlow was my coach from the very beginning. I was training at this gym in town, straight out of high school, not even sure if I wanted to do this for real, and he was new to coaching. He told me I had potential, so my dad and Wes went all in. They built this gym, and the three of them got me into the amateur league. Brock was a good coach, until he wasn’t. A few years ago, we started dating. It was always there, somewhat, I guess, despite the age difference, but we decided to make a real go of it.”

Bucky pressed his lips into a thin line. He fought Brock Rumlow when they both were amateur fighters and knew about Brock’s reputation, but this wasn’t the time to comment on that — especially when he didn't know how much Haven was aware of. 

“Besides coaching me, Brock had a management agency that he owned. It went under, and Brock lost his mind. He was drinking all the time, sleeping around. I was so concentrated on getting my pro bid, I ignored all of it.

“We were coming home from a party one night though, and Brock had been drinking. We were arguing about the cheating — I’d had enough, I guess, and I wasn’t exactly sober. The argument really escalated and Brock lost control of the car.” She drew in a deep breath, staring ahead as though the images were playing in front of her. “The car rolled a few times, crashed against a light pole. How we managed to keep that out of the news, I’ll never know.”

Bucky scooted closer, covering one of her hands with his metal hand; she didn’t even wince or pull away. “How extensive were your injuries?”

“Ironically, I broke my left arm right about where you said your cancer was at. I’ve got a rod and a plate supporting it now. Bruised kidney, shattered spleen.”

“You’re lucky that’s all you made it out with.”

Haven paused, then nodded. “Yeah. I am. Anyway, after that, I told myself that I would keep boxing and my personal life separate. I wouldn’t ever again make the mistake that I made with Rum with anyone else.” She turned to look at him. “This fight, this championship you think I have a shot at — all of that means the world to me. I want to come back strong. I don’t want to be the girl who almost lost her shot because she dated her coach and it came back to bite her in the ass.”

“Hey,” Bucky said, shaking a finger at her, “as your coach, it’s my job not to let anyone bite you in the ass.”

She laughed, and Bucky found that he quite liked the sound. “Well, thanks, I appreciate it. I mean, I think I’ve got a pretty nice ass and bite marks would just ruin the image.”

“I’ve seen it,” Bucky reminded her, “and — not to overstep — but bite marks or not, Haven, you do, in fact, have a nice ass.”

That made her laugh even harder and painted her cheeks with a blush he hadn’t seen since the day of his interview. She swatted at him playfully, but Bucky dodged out of the way, slipping out of the ring with Haven not far behind him. 

He waited with her while she shut down the lights in the gym and locked up the building. She walked with him to the front of the house where he was parked, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Starting to get chilly at night,” Bucky commented. 

“Yeah, it is.”

Bucky fished his keys from his pocket, wanting for some reason to linger in their goodbye. “Running tomorrow morning?”

Haven gave him a thumb’s up. “Bright and early.”

“I’ll see you then. G’night, Haven.”

“Night, Bucky.”

She had skipped the ‘Coach’ bit again; Bucky wondered if she even realized she had done that. He got into his car and pulled out of the driveway, waving goodbye one more time to Haven before turning his eyes to the road. 

Headstrong: @disastersoldierbucky @ashleymalfoy @amanda-teaches @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @tanelle83 @tellmewhatyouwill @capandbuckylvr @pinknerdpanda @ntlmundy @siggy85 @itsallyscorner @m-blasterrr @just-the-hiddles​

Buckvember: @peace-love-hobbitness​ @disastersoldierbucky​ @connie326​ @rebekahdawkins​ @wonder-cole​ @shynara51​

[dimensionwriter]

Mechanical Heart

Part 5

M! Robot x F! Reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

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This was awkward. This was beyond awkward and there was nothing you could do to stop it. 

"So this is my, well I guess our, home," you said splaying your hand out to you house. You weren't exactly rich, so your house wasn't filled with the most lavish things.

You had a black couch that could barely seat 3 people with a white rug that had a few stains on it from spilled drinks. Your tv wasn't gigantic, but was durable and looked quite nice on your tv stand.

"So, this is the living room," you walked past the couch and went to a light brown wooden door," and this is my kitchen." 

You went to glance at Axel, but he wasn't there. Spinning around, you saw that he was still in the corner of the room next to the door.

You squint your eyes to see that he had something written on his face. Is he really going to make you walk all the way over there to read it?

"Axel, come on," you said beckoning him over with your hand. He didn't move from his spot in the corner. He looks as if he was trying to take up as little space as possible.

With a long and exhausted sigh, you took giant steps over to him. He tense up and took a step back.

"I do not require a tour of the house. I can stay in this corner until we need to leave for work," he wrote in dark grey times new roman. This font was so boring. Maybe, it's a reflection on his view of life. Nothing but business.

"I'm not going to leave you in the corner like you're some potted plant," you snickered imaging him with a plant on top of his head. Reaching out, you grabbed his hands. Feeling the smooth cool metal press against you skin caused a slight buzz to shoot up your arm.

"Come on," you said using all you strength to pull him. And him being Axel, didn't even budge a single inch. He remains stiff as he started typing a new message.

"Just think of me as an immobile potted plant until work," he said in a light grey colour. Your head tilted as you read that over again. He just made a joke.

"You're breathing, I think, moving, and thinking being. So, no, you are not a plant," you yelled digging your heels into the ground trying to get him to move. He was like a bolder secured down by diamonds.

"I do not require the necessity to breath," he inquired with a slight tilt of his head. You thought he was getting interested in conversation, so you tried to catch him off guard by running to the back and pushing on it. Fail, barely moved the fabric on his jacket.

"Well, can you at least sit on the couch? I feel bad leaving you here in the corner," you pleaded from behind him. You gave a final shove and he actually move. But the thing was, you weren't expecting him to actually move. 

A loud thump echoed through your house as your body collided with the ground. Axel stopped moving towards your couch and turned around slowly.

"I'm okay," you groaned lifting up a shaky hand to give him a thumbs up. Your ribs are going to be sore in the morning. 

Axel's black hand moved downward towards you and wrapped around your forearm. His grip tighten causing his digits to lightly dig into your skin.

With one smooth pull, Axel had you off the ground and onto your wobbly feet. You used your free hand to balance yourself by placing it on his chest. Ah, there's that six pack.

"Axel, you can't go around throwing a human body as if it's a rag doll," you scolded trying to find your balance. First, falling downward then instantly being yanked upwards, really does a number on your stability.

"Apologies if any damage was done to your flesh or internal organs," he wrote in a tinier font. That was a really weird way of wording. Sometimes, you forget that androids and humans have different components.

"It's fine. Just, sit on the couch while I get ready for bed. I'm exhausted from work," you dismissed waving him towards the black couch. That hot shower was calling your name and so was that bed.

Axel nodded obediently and moved smoothly to the couch. He seem to try to move as little as possible as he went to the sit. The couch barely even moved as he put his body on it.

"Well," you drawled out staring at his stiff form. His back was straight as a plank of wood. He wasn't even leaning back into the couch. "I'm going to go take a bath now. Make yourself at home, since it's kind of yours."

He just gave a quick nod before facing forward. His screen turned darker, almost as if he was going into sleep mode. Well, guess androids need rest too.

"Night Axel," you said walking past the light switch and going towards your room. If he wanted the lights off, he can turn it off. It would be rude to turn it off on him if he still wanted it on.

Axel waited until he could hear your water running to move again. It was a new surrounding, so of course he had to check it out. Just to be sure.

He moved as lightly as possible as he went to the kitchen you were trying to show him earlier. He pushed open the light wooden door. 

It revealed a small kitchen with mostly white colours. One of the corners of the counter was chipped, seem to have been that way for years. 

A small door stood in the corner of the room. He was almost certain it was a food closet or pantry as some called it. But he had to make sure his human partner wasn't hiding anything.

Opening the door slowly, he peeked into the small room. There was a bunch of food products lining the shelves. Humans are so odd. They know how much nutrition they require, yet they have so many forms of food that doesn't reach it or have more negative impactful than beneficial.

He closed the door quietly and left the small room. There was a hallway with two doors on the right with one on the end. Glancing at them, he decided to go to the first one since it was closest. 

He opened the door as quietly and quickly as he could to prevent any squeaks. The room seemed to some sort of guest room that got turned into a storage area. There were loads of boxes and random junk in it. 

He walked into the room and closed the door behind him. He turned over to night vision mode to get a good look at everything in it.

All the boxes were clear. Most of them held either random unused objects or items that seem to be used that were broke. Why didn't the human just throw them away? Somehow, a few of the items seem familiar. Maybe seen on tv or being used by other new human officers.

He turned around to see that the door was open. Not only that, but it was his human partner. She stood in the door with quite the lack of clothing, only a towel tightly wrapped around her. A gun was held in her hands and was pointed at his head.

You reached your hand out to reach for the light switch. You could see the outline of the person trying to blend in with the boxes. Well, too bad for them. They broke into the wrong house.

"You are under arrest for break in and- Axel," you said in shock as light finally flooded into the room. He stood completely still as he stared at you. You wait for something to type of his face, but nothing did.

"Why are you standing in the dark in my closet?" You asked confused. He stood there for a little bit before taking a step forward.

"I was assessing the new area," he typed quiet slow. You face scrunched up in confusion. So, he's saying that he was just simply looking around.

Maybe he doesn't want you with him when he looks around. He is used to working alone, so he may be overwhelmed since he spent his entire day stuck to a person. 

"I understand. Check out everything, but not my bedroom. That's my area," you said jokingly narrowing your eyes at him. He nodded his head before going still again.

"Well, I'm going to go take my bath again," you said taking a step back. A slight whirring noise emit from him as he stuck his hand out to you. You stop you movements while quirking up an eyebrow.

"How did you know I was moving?" He wrote quickly. You read it again before smiling.

"This house is old. It was built before the techno houses were built, so there's some problems with it. My bathroom lights flicker every time someone opens and closes a door. So when it flickered four times, I knew someone was moving around in my house," you explained locking your gun. Your words appeared on the screen before disappearing. Guess he was taking note of you again.

"I'll withhold this information," he wrote quickly, almost sloppily since the bottom lining of the words were uneven. Glancing down at his right hand, you noticed that he was gripping his leather jacket tightly. Okay?

"Well, I'll leave you to 'assessing' then," you said awkwardly grabbing your towel to lift it up. You flickered off the light and slowly shut the door on the android. He didn't move a single gear and just stared blankly at you.

The door clicked shut and you could hear the jerk in electricity from your bathroom. Guess Axel wasn't planning on being found out. He must doubt your skill, you are very aware of your surroundings. 

You were about to turn around and leave to get to that warm, comforting shower, but a neon pink light flared from under the closed door. You ran to the door in panic to make sure your partner was okay. 

A loud and increasing buzz followed the room making you stop mid motion. You recognized that sound. It was earlier today at the woman's house when you didn't follow his order when he was worried. 

That's it, you need answers.

"What are you doing here so early in the morning?" Screw wrote slowly in gold cursive font. They were sitting in Danny's desk, who was gone at the moment, and had their screen leaning on their open palms. Their three fingers were tapping lightly on the screen and the other hand was busying itself with a black pen that had Danny's name on it.

"Okay, so as you can clearly tell I am not human. I am not able to read non-human emotions," you drew out trying to get them to pick up on your hint. All you got was Screw's black screen.

"If you are asking for some type of book on android's emotions, you won't find one. Each android is different in their own way," Screw wrote while rolling their wrist in a bored continuous manner as they continued to write. "You just have to learn how they are."

You let out a loud groan and sunk deep into the office chair. How are you supposed to read Axel? He is the equivalent of a brick wall that only does something interesting when you are not looking. You can maybe guess when he's happy, in about 10 years.

A light tap on your nose brought you out of your pit of despair. Screw pointed to his screen as a way of saying listen, or read?

"Are you trying to read Axel? If so, good luck. He's a pretty serious machine that only really focuses on his work. He even stated, don't take any offense to this, 'emotions were made to be with humans, which is why they struggle so much. In their struggle is where I shall succeed.' Your eyebrows dropped in slight disgust at the quote. You were so worried about appearing speciest to your partner when in reality it was the other way around.

"I can tell you're judging him. What Axel meant is that he doesn't want emotions to get in the way of his job because he feels that it would hinder him."

An image downloaded onto their face. It was an old cartoon drawing of a train on a track that slowly divided into two. On one track was a bunch of tied up people and on the other was one singular person. On the bottom of the image was the text that read, 'Choose a path'.

"This picture was something use a long time ago to get humans to question their morals. While humans will think to take out the single person, even if they don't want to. Axel will think to derail or stop the train, even if he has to destroy his body. He doesn't want to feel fear, doubt, or anything negative that could stop him from succeeding his missions. He would rather be stone cold and be the best than full of life and face the consciences of failing."

Screw stopped scrolling on his paragraph. You glanced again at some parts as you let it sink in. Guess that's a good explanation for his lack of emotions. 

"But here's the thing, I think Axel is showing emotions," you exclaimed helplessly as you felt more confused. How was someone that was trying so hard to distant himself from something, but still continues to return to them?

"What?" Screw wrote in bold red font. A loud shrill came from their neck that caused you to flinch from the high pitch sound. Screw slammed their hand over their neck as a slight pink colour started to bleed into their words. "Sorry, that shocked me."

"There. That sound you just made and the pink colour on your words. He does that. He also flashes a neon pink light and his words have a red gradient when I'm being annoying or something," you rambled on and on, listing all the times you noticed his drift away from his normal boring grey new roman font. It felt great to actually talk to someone about it. 

"I knew that scrap of metal was going to start showing emotions. No one, machine or not, can remain blank like that," they wrote out quickly while jumping out of their seat. Speed walking to a computer in the corner of the room, Screw's screen seem to darken in concentration.

"What are you trying to do?" You asked turning around in your chair to look at them. They gripped the end of their golden suit and bunched it around the forearm.  

Their screen spun 180 degrees around and stopped at your angle. A startled scream slipped out of your mouth at the creepy motion. You keep forgetting what these things can do, even if it can be creepy as hell.

"I know I said there isn't a book on android's emotion, but I do have access to all the coding of every android that works under me. So if I can check all of his most recent coding, I can see if I can translate it into something that can be interpreted into something similar to a human's emotion. I would probably need a few hours to see it and to get a time on when it started. Then I should be able to contact you when-"

The entire screen disappeared making you let out an irritated groan at missing the ending. You need to speed read when it comes to Screw. They write so much. But they usually give you time to read it all, so what made them delete it?

A hand clamped down harshly on your shoulder. Fear and dread dripped down your spine as you recognized the firm matte digits. You had a feeling on why Screw deleted his words.

"Hey Axel. I thought I told you to wait in our office," you said too sweetly as you looked up at his screen. He somehow changed clothes from when you arrived. Today, he had on a white shirt with a black breast pocket. His pants were a little more unique which the left side being black and the right being dark red. The iconic black jacket was thrown on with his gun holster lying lazily on his hips.

"We should have started patrol 2 minutes ago. I tried to give you a few more minutes, but crime doesn't stop for us," he wrote slowly. His screen turned towards Screw for a second before looking back down at you. 

Did he read what Screw wrote? No, Screw is definitely smart enough and deleted it in time. No need to worry.

"Ah, well I guess I can talk to Screw later…about getting a company car so it can fit you a little easier," you lied quickly. To add a little whipped cream on top, you widen your smile and batted your eyelashes. Please take this as not being suspicious.

"I do not require that," he wrote in a dark grey font. The font was still the same old Times New Romans, but the edges seem to be a little bit more pointed. Is he making the font his own?

"Oh, well I just wanted to make sure you're comfortable too. You are my partner so I'm going to be worried about you," you said honestly. You kind of hated when Axel dismissed himself as if he didn't deserve to be treated like equals.

"You know what. I think we are done here for now. Let's go Axel," you exclaimed jumping out of the chair. You grabbed Axel's dangling hand and yanked him towards the door. Luckily, he moved along with you and didn't just stand rock solid.

As you speed walk to the exit, you turn slightly around and threw a quick wink at Screw. By the time you finish with your patrolling, they should be done with the coding. You will finally be able to understand your partner. And maybe be able to finally connect with him.

"Sure," you read as you glanced at Axel's screen. The bottom of his words were tinted pink as he tilted his screen down at your entwine hand. 

"Then let's go," you said cheerfully dragging him out of the door. You just have to make it through patrol and then you get your prize.

Part 6

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

It may have been 10 years since the last chapter of in this series, but I did it. I really missed Axel and I’m glad I got a chance to come back to my boy. Anyway, please remember to comment on anything you liked about this chapter, this really helps inspire me and I love to look at them. Please like and look out for a part 6 in the future. The next story I put out may not be an addition to any of the  series I’m doing. Love you guys and enjoy the rest of your day. 

[rem289]

Q: Why are you writing this post?

A: Because during the Christmas holidays I started to receive attention from the Zootopia fandom which led me to re-discover some concepts that I thought I had made clear, and since this didn’t turn out to be true, I am forced to reiterate them.

Q: What happened?

A: I discovered that someone had reposted, obviously without my consent, an old comic of Aoimotion and mine on reddit, a site I don't like and on which I had already said not to publish my actually and old contents. This repost "reminded" this fandom of my existence, and after this event some people came to ask us questions such as "when Nick and Judy would reappear in our work?" and the like.

You can imagine how much it bothered me, so I went to reddit and wrote to immediately delete the content. Unfortunately, doing this I couldn’t help but notice how the post had become a place to waste insinuations and insults aimed at me and Aoimotion. In particular, the comments of three users stood out: @ggctuk , @owningsuperset7�� and @hammytotherescue

Q: Why did these users get your attention?

A: ggctuk, which I have no idea who they are, have proclaimed themselves as the narrative voice of the events that have taken place between us and the fandom, providing a lot of incomplete and, in the worst case, completely wrong information, about why we left the fandom and about the alleged "abusive behaviors" we had against translators.

Owningsuperset7 spoke about us (like he does every time the occasion presents itself to him), defining us ungrateful towards the fandom "that had fed us". But "fed" in what sense? It seems to me that we have been those who have definitely "eaten" very little… or likes can be monetized, just like the views on youtube, and I didn't know it? Did they break the keyboard in order to put those likes on our works? If it’s so, I'm sorry, but I certainly wasn't the one who pointed the gun at their head to follow my work. Always remember that paying attention to a work is always and only a reader’s choice. No creator has power over these phenomena, we just create and publish, the rest is always an unknown factor. So expressing yourself as a seduced and abandoned lover on an old and free work doesn’t make you a victim, it only makes you ridiculous. Anyway, I know the subject, who had already decided in the past to talk on DeviantArt before I blocked him, and I decided not to tell him anything in that moment, also because, what can you say to a person who clearly has problems that go beyond fandom? Sometimes ignoring is the kindest choice you can make.

Hammytotherescue instead claimed that he and I were friends in the past, before the duo formed by me and aoimotion became toxic. Since I had no memory of this person and I hate when someone alludes to relationships with me that don't exist, I wrote to him privately on Tumblr asking him if he could kindly refresh my memory about this "friendship" he was bragging about.

Q: How did it end?

A: The conversation, which I report below because I, unlike him, have nothing to be ashamed of, is as follows:

As you can see, Hammy never replied to my last message . But in reality the story was not over. A few days ago, in fact, I discover that the user in question "vented" in the post of reddit, not under my comment (so that I received notification of his reply) but in response to another comment that had been left to me. Showing, as always, the incredible maturity of these people.

After reading this comment, I decided to act by reporting the user on reddit, but the answer I received can be summarized as: "since you are a content creator, you deserve insults regardless." In short, a response as useful and smart as the people who gave it to me. So don’t worry Hammy, you won't be banned from reddit because the only braincell shared by you users agrees that defining a toxic and manipulative person is, to quote one of the wise moderators I talked to, "a fairly typical level of criticism". All is well that ends well.

Q: You mentioned "concepts to reiterate". What would they be?

A: Let's start by denying what ggctuk wrote in that reddit's post, given how much popularity his comments have gained.

My split from this fandom started because I simply lost interest in Nick and Judy and preferred to do something else, something of my own. Black Jack gave us the opportunity to invent many original characters and they was those I wanted to work on. We have never worked for ulterior motives other than having fun together. When we recognized that we no longer have anything to give to this universe, we declared it openly and closed this chapter of our "artistic life". This split could take place in a peaceful and calm way, I would have taken my own path and you yours, since it was obvious, since BJ times, that you had very little interest in our original contents. You also reiterated this between the lines of these last comments, so really, I make a terrible effort to understand your logic of contents belonging to your fandom. It's not your fault, don't worry. You have been spoiled by this entrenched habit of creating any anthropomorphic animal and attributing it to your precious and super-nutritive fandom. Once you labeled this attitude at heresy, now everything is fine as long as it helps you keeping this universe going, honestly, I just pity you. However it seems that your obsession with me prevents you from accepting the fact that my life would have continued even without this fandom and that I would have lived very well even without the amount of likes that fanarts could give me. Indeed my life would be even more beautiful if I didn't have to waste time like I am doing now.

Both me and aoimotion together gave you a lot, and in the end we simply got it back. Jack is a prime example: yes, he is a character born from the scratches of Zootopia's artwork, but thanks to our work he has evolved to the point of becoming a completely original character. This fandom has not been able to accept it and until the end has tried to claim him as its own, and even now it can’t accept that we have instead taken him back, and even less can you bear that we are successfully using him in our original works, which is why you insist so much on his "Disney" origin, as if this defines his identity, and for months you have made fun of us saying that we were claiming something that belongs to Disney as our own. Unfortunately, beyond a doodle and a hint of a hypothetical background, Disney has absolutely nothing. Whatever weight you have attributed to "Jack Savage" is only thanks to our work, Disney has nothing to do with your mania and it has nothing to do with everything we've built up over the years. Still, you took our job and stuck it over the "Disney" label, and that was even when Black Jack was long gone, so don’t use that excuse anymore. You even tried to attribute Cynthia to the Disney universe by calling her "Skye", since you are so desperate to keep your fantasies going, and when you had nothing more to say, you said that my art style was "clearly inspired by Disney". Did you think I could condone such an attitude? I suppose these statements derive above all from the certainly very poor culture that you have of the world outside the fandom (or fandoms), however there are artists who WORKED for Disney, who TEACHED drawing techniques at the Disney Academy and who work at own productions with that style, without anyone attributing anything to the major. If you don't believe me, try using the web for something constructive, like doing some in-depth research on the subject.

As for the matter of our alleged abuses on translators, I will only say two things: the translations started because of my naivety, and we prohibited them because the translators abused their role and went out of control, acting as if the comics belonged to them and / or as if there was a special relationship of complicity between me and them. I'm sorry I gave false hopes to these people, unfortunately I didn't have time to realize the misunderstandings that were being created and how our work was being used. There is a clear difference between the fan content and the original content, so now more than even, less our work passes into the hands of others, the better it is for us.

Now let’s analyzing the brilliant messages of Hammy, both on Tumblr and on reddit:

In both cases, what I see is a desperate need to cling to Rem's "pretty" facade while simultaneously demolishing the person behind Aoimotion. These insinuations suggest that the only possible Rem to conceive for your narrow minds is the kind and lovely one, and everything I say and do that does not fall within this definition is the work of aoimotion.

I will never go into detail about the dynamics between me and her, because frankly it’s not your business and I don’t want to give you further ground to cultivate your absurd speculations and your degenerated ideas. If you have decided to treat us as two two-dimensional characters of some fourth category fan fiction born from your fragile minds and then feel disappointed or offended by my attitude or a severe response I can give you, you cannot help but blame yourself and not who is my friend .

But you have to get it into your heads that when you talk about us in a personal way, you refer only on the basis of two web profiles. You don't know us personally and above all you don't know me. Being an extremely reserved person, I always decided to use social networks to share my artistic side or my interests related to entertainment, nothing more, nothing less. "Rem289" has always been only a blog, a showcase on the web, I’ve never attributed a real emotional and above all personal value to it, even before Zootopia. For the rest I prefer to live my personal life off the web. Unfortunately, you have been so careless as to decide to hit my personal sphere, my friendships and my affections. So no, Aoi didn’t take over between you and me, but the person behind Rem289 took over and you paid the consequences.

Still on the subject of aoimotion, it seems that the moment this comment was written on DA has remained particularly impressed: https://www.deviantart.com/comments/1/765376682/4647911119

This great insult, which among other things is attributed to her as if I didn’t think the same (if not worse) about you, has become the new reason why aoimotion is ugly and bad and is the reason why she deserves to be insulted and disparaged at the slightest opportunity, even during a conversation with me in which she’s not involved in any way.

Now, since this term seems to me rather dated to be used as a matter of indignation during your debates, and since I still find it rather ”soft” to use to outline my intolerance towards you, in order to give you another thing to think over, I will give you an attribute which seems more correct to me: you are sick. Confronting you is like talking to someone who has been brainwashed. You are a broken record that always says the same things over and over again. I can't even feel sorry for you, what I feel is just a great sense of unease. (Of course there are people that still participate in this fandom and are perfectly normal, but those are exceptions and they already know we think good of them.)

And it’s precisely your illness that prompted me to dissociate myself so violently from the fandom. Not aoimotion, as you have been saying for months between an insult and another that you address to her because perhaps you are too afraid of me to address them directly to me, which is rather contradictory since I should be the sweet and pretty one of the duo. After all, it's better to treat me like a poor brainless fool who lets herself be manipulated rather than admit that I also have my own ideas and that, you don’t say, you don't like them.

Q: In any case, you have no right to deprive your fans of old content they love so much, you just want to be spiteful! Why did all your old WildeHopps comics disappear from the web?

A: The decision to delete the contents created by me relating to the fandom from my web platforms or those shared with my partner was not born in the least out of spite or "punishment" towards the members of the fandom. It was a decision made to dissociate my name and my current work from fandom, because unfortunately it created difficulties for my image and real difficulties for readers to understand (you can go on and say that if people think your work is still Zootopia-related is not a big deal, but I assure you it is). All that came after, are only and exclusively speculations built on purpose to find the most sinister reasons of why it happened. Publishing content is only an accessory part of the job itself, a percentage of the process. Deciding to publish, not publish or cancel a publication is at the pure expense of the author, and no consumer has the right to impose his will on the creator. I understand that they are perhaps too complex concepts for you, since it’s clear that you are used to measuring the value of things based on the likes they receive, but this current of thought also exists and I hope it will be useful to you someday, in the remote possibility that decide to take moments of deep reflection (which would be more and more useful than tapping your fingers on the keyboard).

(Little curiosity: in the last few weeks we have forwarded about twenty reports to various sites to remove our old contents posted there without our permission. Not only all twenty reports have been accepted, but the contents have all been removed in less than 12 hours from the date of reporting. This is to remind you that if we don’t want our content on the web, we have them removed and it’s the reposters who pay for it, not us.)

Q: Well, however you can't force us not to talk badly about you or aoimotion, in fact, you can't stop us from believing that she's been manipulating you for years. Almost certainly it’s she who is writing this post without your knowledge, isn't it?

A: The people of the web are notoriously lazy and are therefore often uninformed and constipated in developing their own concepts. They spit sentences without even knowing what they’re talking about, they choose "comfortable" truths, such as the fact of attributing to aoimotion every not nice word that comes from me, and when this phenomenon is reflected on real persons, unfortunately it’s quite difficult to manage.

We are attributed with labels, words, concepts, faults, relationships that don’t belong to us and that are difficult to get away from. A simple comment or a wrong statement towards a person can spread like wildfire and end up marking them for life. Needless to say, these conditions often prevent these same people from continuing with their activities, which instead are healthy, in a serene and peaceful way. Even now, instead of drawing, I’m writing this latest post to defend me and my partner from your sick slanders. Those who allow themselves the luxury of damaging the "active personalities" of the web are people who fully enjoy anonymity behind a screen, and often people who have the matter of regulating them (like the reddits moderators, who are a joke at best) limit themselves to considering certain behaviors "ordinary” in the creator / consumer relationship. The mere fact of normalizing certain behaviors doesn’t smooth out the rules of civilized life, makes these "authorities" complicit and therefore only adds a problem. It’s more than evident that some people are not yet able to distinguish the boundary that exists between objective opinion and direct and personal insult, but from people who lose sleep at night because they have been defined as “lunatic” I don’t expect anything less. Who knows what you will do now that I have called you sick.

I conclude with a message to the interested party:

@hammytotherescue​: I don't know how old you are, however, judging by what you write and how you write it and how you act, I deduce that you should not be more than 14-15 years old. Unfortunately I regret to tell you that the fact you are a minor doesn’t mean that you don’t have to take responsibility for your actions, and if you still have doubts about understanding where you have gone wrong I advise you to ask your parents for advice. I gave you the opportunity to confront me but you ran away to cry on a public platform. Hasn't anyone taught you that real life doesn't work like that? If, on the other hand, you are an adult, I sincerely feel sorry for you, I say this from the bottom of my heart.

I know how comfortable it is to hide behind a group or in this case a fandom to vent one's dislikes towards the individual. This time you and your friends have received the same treatment, you have not caught generic appellations addressed to the fandom but I decided to speak to you personally. My only advice is to use this experience to learn how it behaves on the web, and when you have learned it, you could teach it to all your friends, perhaps starting with @owningsuperset7​.

For @ggctuk: I hope you will appreciate my effort in writing this long post, as so the next time you talk about us again, you can use it as a reference to explain how things went 🤗

[thebword99]

Tips for Starting your Fitness Journey

As someone who has been working out on and off since July of this year, I’ve learned a couple of things and I would like to share some tips I’ve learned along the way. I’ve done lots of research by watching and following fitness influencers on YouTube and Instagram, I’ve made lots of mistakes, but the most important thing is as long as you keep trying and staying consistent, that’s all that matters. DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a professional in the field of fitness or nutrition. I have simply gathered generic information from the internet and have followed advice from others who have helped me get to where I want to be. These tips are some I have learned for myself, as well as taking some advice from fitness influencers I have come across my journey.

1. Don’t expect quick results

If you make the decision to become more active and fit, good! However, I’ve noticed a lot of people who start a fitness plan generally quit after two weeks because they aren’t getting results fast enough for their standards and expectations. I’m here to tell you my friends, it all depends on your body type. Usually most people won’t start to see results until at least a month or 6 weeks of consistent exercise and healthy eating. For some, it might take two weeks to see a difference, where as others it might take 6 months. In this case, patience is a virtue. You’re not going to get 6-pack abs the morning after your first workout session; changing the body takes time.

2. Carbs are not the bad guy

There’s this whole stigma around carbs in saying that they’re bad for the body and that you should try to avoid them at all costs, this is not the case! Carbs give you energy, it’s usually best to have carbs before a workout. Now, in saying that, you shouldn’t be eating so much carbs. The rule of thumb when eating a meal is that it should be 50% veggies and fruits (healthy fats), 25% protein and 25% carbs. Those three are your main macros, you should be calculating your macros depending on your calorie intake and your weight in order to get the most accurate results whether that’s trying to lean out or bulk up. I will link a video here so you can watch it if you want to learn more about macros.

3. You can’t target fat loss

I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s true; doing 500 crunches and a two-minute plank, will not give you abs. The key is to be consistently active for at least 15 minutes a day for 3-4 days a week as well as eating the proper nutrition; you know the saying “abs are made in the kitchen.” Switching up the routine is good for the body so you’re not doing the same exercises. For example, you could do cardio on Monday’s, full body shred on Tuesday’s, etc. and if you feel an exercise is too easy, intensify by adding some resistance bands or weights. Another thing to keep in mind, stomach fat is the hardest to get rid of, so don’t get discouraged.

4. Don’t compare your body to someone else’s

I’m very guilty of this, in the beginning of my journey, I would be following fitness influencers for the wrong reasons. Instead of following their guidelines for MY body, I would just copy what they’re doing and what they’re eating so I could look shredded like them, but like I said before, everyone is different. Someone could love weightlifting and someone else could not. I like cardio, someone could hate it. Listen to your own body and don’t compare your body to someone else’s. It’s certainly not healthy for your mental state if you just “wish” for your body to look like a certain fitness influencer. You don’t know what they’re doing to their photos, they could be photoshopping or face-tuning their photos. Focus on you and don’t compare to unrealistic pictures, or any body except your own.

5. Don’t care what other people think

People are going to have their opinions of you. Some will support you and some will attempt to put you down and say your goals are unreachable. But, the only person who can tell you that is yourself. Let the haters be your motivation and prove them wrong. Do your daily workout routines, stick to a healthy meal plan and focus on your goals and not anyone else’s. Your future self will thank you, and who knows? Maybe you’ll inspire someone.

6. Don’t be so hard on yourself

I’ve heard the same story about people punishing themselves of going to the gym and doing sprints on the treadmill or biking for hours just because they ate one burger at McDonald’s or they took an extra day off. Listen, it’s not the end of the world if you ate something unhealthy or took another rest day. It only becomes a problem if you make a routine out of it, but one day is not going to “erase” your progress. This is when most people quit their fitness journey’s because they think if they make one mistake, they can’t fix it or they won’t make any progress. But, if you keep being consistent, one burger and fries is not going to kill you. You’re going to mess up, and that’s okay.

7. Numbers don’t matter

One thing I’ve learned during my journey is that my body and weight fluctuate, it’s never the same numbers. Sometimes I wake up and I’m a string bean, other mornings I feel bloated like a balloon, especially when the red sea comes. Your weight isn’t just fat, it’s water weight and muscle mass and a bunch of other stuff that goes on inside that temple of yours. So, my advice would be to throw away the scale, and focus on your mental and physical health.

8. Food is to be enjoyed, but not too much

Rule of thumb is that you eat healthy foods 80% of the time and 20% you can eat whatever you want. The reason why this is the best tactic is because if you restrict yourself to just eating healthy for 100% of the time, your willpower is going to be drained and soon enough you’ll get tired of the same healthy foods and will want to binge. The 20% allows you to indulge on whatever you want but also keep in mind of portion control and don’t binge on the weekends.

9. Your mindset matters

What are you doing this for? What is your “why”? Why are you doing this and who are you doing it for? That last answer better be for you, don’t ever change your body for someone else. You should be working out because it’s a celebration for what your body can do, not a punishment for what you ate or because you took another rest day. Be kind to yourself, but also know when to push yourself. Balance is key, eat greens when your body needs it and dessert when your heart wants it. Take an extra day off if you’re feeling extra sore or a little under the weather, but push yourself to work out when you don’t want to. No one is going to change your body for you. Like nike says, just do it.

10. You’re beautiful 

Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. You don’t need to be skinny to be beautiful, the way you are built now, is absolutely stunning and amazing. Please remind yourself this everyday :)

Thank you for taking the time to read this, have a great day and be safe.

Write again soon!

-B

[jokertrap-ran]

[Stand My Heroes] Case File:研究対象Sの記録 (Case File: Records on Research Subject S) Event Story: Investigation ④～⑥ Translations

*Master-list is in progress *MC name is retained default Izumi Rei

Part 1 / Part 2

⋆⋅☆ Research Facility: Hallway ☆⋅⋆

Sugano: Hmm, this is rather soft for a collar.

Rei: It’s a hand, not a collar…Plus, you’re the one who’s holding onto my hand…

Sugano: Is that so?

--That’s right. The “Collar” he was talking about, was actually just, in fact, “Holding hands”.

Rei: (Still…)

Sugano: I wonder where Sosei-san’s room is at…

Rei: (…I kind of feel like I’ve been played for a fool.)

Rei: (Judging from the expression that Asagiri-san, who had been standing guard outside the room, had on his face…)

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

--Just now, when I had left the room hand-in-hand with Sugano-kun…

Sugano: Tsukasa-san, Rei and I are gonna pay a visit to Sosei-san’s room for a bit~

Asagiri: ----

He had an unreadable expression on his face as his eyes moved to glance down at our adjoined hands.

Rei: W-We’ll be going then…

Asagiri: …Hold up.

Rei: !

Sugano: What is it?

Asagiri: That…your hands.

Rei: !!

Sugano: What about it?

Asagiri: Did you go through the Antibacterial Lasers properly before joining hands?

Rei: ……What?

Asagiri: He has never left this place in a long time.

Asagiri: It’d be bad if you brought the flu virus in with you or something since you came from another place outside yesterday.

Rei: Okay…?

Sugano: Ahaha. Don’t worry, we went through the Antibacterial Lasers.

By the way, they might be called Antibacterial Lasers, but all we actually did was to put both our hands into a special device that emitted a special laser beam; and then, oh, what a surprise!

It’s a man-made device capable of killing 99.9999% of all potentially harmful viruses that affect the human body.

Asagiri: Then it’s fine. –-I think Sosei’s still sleeping.

Sugano: We’ll add a walk to the trip then. Thank you~

--And so, that happened.

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

Rei: (I can’t really come to a definite conclusion all on my own just based on Asagiri-san’s reaction alone…)

Sugano: Hey, Rei?

Rei: Hm?

He grinned and gave my hand a squeeze.

Sugano: Your hand’s really warm.

Rei: Huh?

Sugano: I feel really touched by it, since it’s been such a long time since I’ve had contact with another person.

Rei: Sugano-kun…

Sugano: Oh, that’s Sosei-san’s over there. Let’s wake him up if he’s still asleep!

Rei: Right, let’s go.

Rei: (…Well, I suppose it’s fine. Even if this is just a “Collar”.)

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

And that was how my day as a communicator ended successfully without a hitch.

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Research Facility: Laboratory ☆⋅⋆

There were times during my life in the facility, where Sugano-kun had been off-limits. And during those times, I turned to…

Yui: It has finally been completed!

Watabe: Congratulations; you’re finally done.

Beside Watabe-san, who seemed to be eating some DIY Sweets made in the Research Facility itself, was… Yui-san, who held up a small bottle of questionable luminescent liquid which colour could not really be identified.

Rei: Um, what is this…exactly…?

Yui: This is the new version of the Nutritional Drink that I’ve been painstakingly working on for the past 2 weeks!

Rei: A Nutritional Drink…

Suddenly, I recalled a snippet of a conversation I overheard just the other day.

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

Arakida: I have. I lost 3 days to sleep…

Natsume: But that was Kotaro-san’s Nutritional Drink at work so that’s not my fault!

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

Rei: ……

Arakida-san had been lying in bed, looking blue in the face when I had visited him together with Sugano-kun.

Rei: (That was because of that shady Headgear, but still…)

Yui: I’ll give you the right to participate in its Clinical Trial.

Rei: ……What?

Yui: It’s truly an honour, don’t you think? I’m the leading researcher when it comes to Nutritional Drinks.

Watabe: Only within this facility, though.

Yui: Now, feel free to drink it. It will make all the stress you have piled up and the fatigue you feel while working as a communicator disappear.

He handed my the dodgey-looking liquid— Or, well, a Nutritional Drink, as he called it. And I…

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Research Facility: Room ☆⋅⋆

Sugano: --Eh!? You drank it…!?

Rei: Yeah…Well, I couldn’t really turn him down.

Sugano: So, were you okay? Don’t you feel sluggish or pain anywhere?

Rei: Well…

Sugano: Mmngh…

Rei: I was really energized and refreshed by it.

Sugano: Eh--?

Rei: It really made my exhaustion disappear!

Sugano: What~ You really had me worried for a second there!

Rei: Ahaha, sorry for how I built up the suspense, only for it to end there.

Sugano: Not at all, the thrill was nice.

Sugano: Still, I wonder why Sosei-san ended up in bed after drinking the same thing.

Rei: That’s because the Nutritional Drink I drank was one that had been revised after having gathered the data from the failed version that Arakida-san drank.

Sugano: Then, you’ll have to thank Sosei-san for taking the bullet for you.

Rei: I know, right?

Sugano: I can totally tell that he’d look absolutely disgruntled by it if you thank him.

Rei: Ahaha, I can imagine.

Sugano: Haha.

It has already been about 15 days since I got to talk to him like this.

Rei: (I was really worried about how things would go at first, but turns out, it’s actually surprisingly fun here.)

Sugano: Haa~ That was a real good laugh. I’m so glad you came here!

Rei: I’m glad that you’re the one I’m assigned to for my job as well.

Sugano: Eh~ Did you really have to mention that it’s your job?

Rei: Oh, sorry…

Sugano: Don’t apologise.

Sugano: I like people who are passionate about their work.

Sugano: I heard that the person who created this Research Facility…Someone who’s been here before You-san…was also someone passionate about their work.

Rei: That’s right. The one who created this facility was none other than the Previous Chief.

Sugano: Yeah.

Suddenly, all signs of his previous joy drained from his face.

Sugano: …I wonder what they’re up to right now?

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Research Facility: Room ☆⋅⋆

Rei: Do you not know?

Sugano: Rather that not knowing, I simply chose not to.

Rei: ……?

Sugano: But, I believe that You-san believes in that person’s justice.

Rei: …………

--Silence descended upon us.

This was the first time that I’ve been rendered speechless ever since I made contact with Sugano-kun.

Rei: …Um,

Sugano: Rei, what did you originally do on the outside?

Rei: Huh?

Sugano: Let me hear more about you.

I could tell that he didn’t want to talk about the “Previous Chief”, considering how he changed the topic like that.

Rei: I was a normal Office Lady (OL) out there.

Sugano: Heh~ What kinda company?

Rei: A pharmaceutical one.

Sugano: What about a boyfriend?

Rei: I see that you’ve taken to suddenly changing topics with your questions.

Sugano: It’s fine, isn’t it? Or is it a secret?

Rei: (I don’t have one…)

But he had this air around him that made him seem like he’d tease me endlessly about it if I just told him outright, right off the bat, that I “didn’t have a boyfriend”.

Rei: …Yeah, it’s a secret.

Sugano: Oh, so you don’t have one.

Rei: How did I get found out!?

Sugano: Your face.

Rei: EHHH!?

Sugano: I lied. It was just my gut instincts, also partly my own wishes.

Rei: Ehh…

Sugano: Say, Rei…Don’t you ever grow to miss the world outside?

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Research Facility: Room ☆⋅⋆

Rei: (Miss the world outside…?)

In my head, the line “You too. You more than I” came up. And I was about to reply in kind, only to stop short because I was stepping into a dangerous zone. Because this topic fell under the “Forbidden Conversation Topics” that I had been handed before I began this job.

Sugano: You can’t go out either; not while you’re stuck down here as my assigned communicator, right?

Sugano: So, Don’t you miss your normal life?

Rei: …Of course I miss it; normally.

Sugano: …Okay, thanks.

Rei: Why are you thanking me?

Sugano: Because I didn’t need a textbook reply of “Of course not”.

Rei: ……

Sugano: I’m sure you want to hear about what I think too, right?

Rei: Mngh—

Sugano: You see, I’m really fine with anything either way.

Rei: …Even if you’ll remain here forever?

Sugano: I’ve come to know people like You-san really well. And it’s not like it’s all that uncomfortable living here either.

Sugano: Oh, but I could become a candidate for your boyfriend if I got out of here and regained my freedom.

Rei: --

I felt a pang in my chest.

Rei: (I’d almost forgotten about it, but now that we’re on this topic…)

Rei: (He’s someone who cannot leave this place of his own free will.)

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Research Facility: Hallway ☆⋅⋆

--Nightfall.

It was a time where I wasn’t allowed to make contact with Sugano-kun. I left the confines of my room, feel a sudden unexplained hunger out of the blue.

Rei: (I’m hungry…I feel like I’ve started to become a gourmet ever since I drank that Nutritional Drink that Yui-san made…)

Miyase: --Oh?

Rei: --!

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Research Facility: Hallway ☆⋅⋆

Miyase: You’re…If I remember correctly, aren’t you the communicator assigned to Sugano-kun?

Rei: Yes, that’s right. I’m Rei—No, I’m No. 1230!

Miyase: Fufu, so Rei-san, is it? I’m Miyase.

Miyase: I’m in charge of cleaning and preparing food in this Research Facility.

Rei: Ahh!! Thank you so much for the delicious food that’s always being served!

Miyase: Same here; thank you for always eating it all so deliciously.

Rei: (How do I put this…? He really feels like he has this fluffy, warm and homely air around him.)

Miyase: By the way, where are you heading at this hour?

Rei: Oh, sorry…I’m actually feeling kinda hungry, so…

Miyase: I see, what nice timing.

Miyase: Here, how about you take these cookies I have here and have it for supper?

Rei: Whoa, that looks so delicious! Can I really have them?

Miyase: Of course. I made it for my brother, who has a sweet-tooth, but I accidentally made a little too much.

Rei: You have a brother…?

Miyase: He’s being kept as a subject in this Research Facility.

Rei: Eh--

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Research Facility: Hallway ☆⋅⋆

Rei: Your brother’s here too?

Miyase: Yeah.

Rei: (H-How am I supposed to reply to that…?)

Miyase: What do you talk about with Sugano-kun?

Rei: Huh? Oh…Just normal conversational topics.

Miyase: Did he ever mention anything about wanting to get out of here?

Rei: --

Rei: (I wonder what he’s trying to get at with this conversation…)

I gave him a hesitant glance as the smile disappeared from his face.

Miyase: …I apologize. I’ve said something weird, haven’t I?

Rei: No—

Miyase: My brother; he doesn’t want to get out of here.

Rei: Eh…?

Miyase: I suppose this facility most probably gathers “People with the strongest will”.

Miyase: Perhaps that’s the trait that they’re trying to research here, in this facility—Or at least, that’s what I think.

Rei: People who have the strongest of wills…

Miyase: For example, those who have a sense of justice. The self-sacrificial ones,

Miyase: Or those that hold a burning hatred within them and the like…

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Research Facility: Hallway ☆⋅⋆

Rei: What…What are you trying to say?

Miyase: Those with a strong enough will, will get out of here someday, eventually.

Miyase: At the same time, I suppose that there are also people being held captive here with an equally strong will, despite being unable to escape.

Miyase: Like those who are too cowardly to break out of these chains…Or those who lie continuously, twisting and turning their words to their advantage on a whim.

Rei: Um…It would be…appreciated it you could speak it in a way so that even I can understand what you’re talking about…

Miyase: Fufu, I’ve spoken too much. I’ll take my leave now since my brother’s still waiting for me.

Rei: Miyase-san—

Miyase: Please keep the conversation we just had a secret.

Rei: (…What’s he talking about?)

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Research Facility: Room ☆⋅⋆

--The next day.

Rei: Pardon m——Ah.

Rei: My apologies. I didn’t know that you were here, Hattori-san.

Hattori: No worries; I’m already done here.

Sugano: --

Hattori: See you then. Be a good boy, alright?

Sugano: …………

Rei: (What’s with the…ill-feeling atmosphere in here?)

Hattori-san made his exit from the room, seemingly unaffected.

Sugano: …Sorry, Rei.

Rei: Huh?

Sugano: I don’t think I’m up for conversation today…Sorry, I just don’t feel it.

Rei: Ah…Don’t worry about it, I understand. Then I’ll be taking my le-

Sugano: Wait.

Rei: --?

Sugano: …No, it’s nothing. Sorry.

Rei: (Sugano-kun…?)

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Research Facility: Private Room ☆⋅⋆

(…Sugano-kun was acting weird.)

Time had passed ever since the conversation we had during the afternoon. Now, night had already fallen, and he didn’t call for me even once.

Rei: (Although, making contact is forbidden at this time of the day to begin with…)

Lost to my thoughts, the buzzer of my room suddenly sparked to life. And when I pressed the remote to open the door—

Imaoji: --Sorry for disturbing you this late at night.

Rei: Imaoji-san? Is something the matter?

Imaoji: Sugano-kun has called for you.

Rei: What? But…

Imaoji: Will you come with me?

Rei: …Alright.

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Research Facility: Room ☆⋅⋆

Sugano: Oh, I was waiting.

Rei: What’s up? It’s pretty late in the night now.

Sugano: We didn’t manage to talk in the afternoon so,

Sugano: --Won’t you come closer to me?

Rei: …Okay.

I stepped forwards, towards him…One step, two steps, and then—

Rei: Wha-!?

I was suddenly wrapped in his embrace.

Sugano: …Go on a date with me if I ever meet you outside.

Rei: Huh--?

Sugano-kun held me in his embrace, smiling up at the surveillance camera in the room.

Sugano: --Tsukasa-san? I’m sure you’re seeing this, aren’t you?

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Monitoring Room ☆⋅⋆

Asagiri: --

Arakida: Natsuki…

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Research Facility: Room ☆⋅⋆

He looked up at the surveillance camera and spoke in light tones.

Sugano: I have a reason why I absolutely get out of this place.

Sugano: The official statement released by the great man of this country will be “A subject had held a communicator hostage, seeking his release in exchange.”

Sugano: Now, don’t you think this is perfect?

Rei: (Hostage…!?)

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Monitoring Room ☆⋅⋆

Arakida: What should we do—

Asagiri: …………

Arakida: Tsukasa-san.

Asagiri: --It’ll probably be useless, even if we try to stop him.

Asagiri: Mngh—

Asagiri: Disable the locks on his gate.

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

A blaring siren sounded in response, but the door opened.

Sugano: See you then, Rei.

Rei: Ngh-!

He turned away as soon as he released me; stepping outside, to his freedom.

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Research Facility: Outside ☆⋅⋆

Rei: --Sugano-kun!

Sugano: --Huh? You came running after me?

Rei: Not…Not because I want to stop you, but-

Sugano: --

Rei: There’s just something I want to ask you.

Sugano: …Which is?

Rei: Why do you want to escape this place?

Sugano: --

Rei: Do you feel a strong urge of something within your heart…?

“Humans with the strongest of wills”, Miyase-san had mentioned. I wanted to know if he had something like that within him; that’s why I came after him.

Sugano: In my heart…

Sugano: …There lies a justice, one where I’ll protect those important to me, no matter what I have to do, so that they won’t be hurt.

Rei: Justice…

Sugano: I don’t expect you to understand me.

Sugano: Bye bye; this time for real.

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Monitoring Room ☆⋅⋆

Arakida: Won’t Natsuki go down in the mud, alone, if you release him like that?

Asagiri: Even so, there’s no way I could have stopped him. What Natsuki has within him is— Stubborn, unfaltering, self-sacrifice.

Arakida: Ngh…

Asagiri: But, that’s also a form of Justice. Having said that, I don’t intend on letting him go quietly either.

Asagiri: Let’s think of what we can do.

Arakida: …Roger.

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

And then, Sugano-kun who was surrounded in mystery disappeared. And his destination, was…

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Izakaya ☆⋅⋆

Shop Employee: Sorry to keep you waiting, here’s your Fried Oyster Set!

Them: --

Sugano: --Okay, I suppose that’s all for now.

Rei: Aw…I’m so curious about the continuation!

Asagiri: Speaking of the continuation, I don’t understand it at all considering how the mystery is how it is and the hints are too scattered to even piece together.

Rei: What happened to the in-house chef whose brother was being held captive there in the end…?

Sugano: Who knows?

Seki: I wonder what the relationship between the previous chief and the current one…

Asagiri: I can’t help but to think of the supervisor guy who called the main character out during the period of time where contact was prohibited fishy as well.

Rei: Oh, I thought that strange as well.

Seki: I don’t think the motive of why that Research Facility was even created was even clearly stated to begin with…

Sugano: Haha, I told you; I don’t know!

Sugano: It’s an unfinished work written by a criminal, so even I don’t know what’s gonna happen!

Them: …………

Shop Employee: Sorry to keep you waiting, here’s your Ramen Set and Mixed-fry Sets!

Seki: …Thank you.

Shop Employee: Enjoy!

Seki: Well, I suppose we should dig in while it’s still warm.

Asagiri: We should.

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Izakaya ☆⋅⋆

Sugano: Thank you for the food~ …Before that, water, water. I’m parched from having talked so much. I poured my half-full glass of water into his.

Sugano: Thanks.

Rei: Not at all. Still, I’m amazed at how you managed to recall everything down to the smallest detail.

Sugano: It was a rather interesting read, unexpectedly. Well, I did dramatize some of the parts I remembered, but I also did think a little about it’s continuation.

Rei: Amazing! How do you see it being…?

Sugano: Before I continue, what do you think will be the continuation of this story, Rei?

Rei: Hmm…I can’t really think of all the complicated details because I’m lacking in the imagination department, but I suppose…

Rei: I suppose a Happy Ending would be great, ahaha~

Sugano: Sounds just like you. What about you, Tsukasa-san? What do you think?

Asagiri: --There was talk about “Justice” throughout the entire story, but I didn’t seem to hear an inkling about the word “Evil” or anything resembling it.

Asagiri: If this story were to be continued, I suppose justice would have won with an overwhelming victory, bringing the story to a close.

Sugano: What a conclusive answer from inference.

Asagiri: Do you have a problem with it?

Sugano: No, I just think that my respect for you has just gone up.

Sugano: How about you, Seki-san?

Seki: Eh…Do I have to answer?

Sugano: Well, you don’t really have to. Although, it’s not really common for us to have the time to talk like this over a meal and all, you know?

Seki: You’ve got a point…

Seki: …It might be hard, but I hope that we can see their hopes for the future; no matter from whichever character’s point of view.

Rei: You have my respect, Seki-san.

Seki: Haha, thanks.

Asagiri: I don’t think all people talk about are delusions and fantasies.

Sugano: Even I do, sometimes!

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

⋆⋅☆ Izakaya ☆⋅⋆

Sugano: Hmm…In the continuation that I thought of, the guy who escaped from the Research Facility would see his goal of getting out through—

Sugano: And then the people important to him will all live happily ever after! Cheers, banzai~♪

Rei: ……??

Sugano: What’s with that face you’re making?

Rei: I mean, based on what you’ve just said…Whatever happened to “Him” himself?

Sugano: Huh?

Rei: Huh?

Sugano: Oh- I see. Well…I suppose he straight out died off the bat or got caught and was shipped back to the facility or something?

Rei: Ehh…

Asagiri: Why is the ending so sloppily-handled?

Sugano: Is it?

Sugano: I mean, he left the place because he was already prepared for whatever would come after, in order to fulfill the goal he had in mind.

Sugano: Therefore, wouldn’t it be natural to place the least priority on himself?

Asagiri: --I think not.

Seki: Yeah. It’s rather painful and frustrating when a solution is made upon another’s sacrifice.

I felt the same way as Seki-san did.

Rei: (But…)

I feel as if it was pointless even if I tried explaining it to Sugano-kun as he was busy devouring his Fried Oyster Set…

Sugano: Haha, the atmosphere in here has turned all serious all of a sudden. It’s all just fiction, you know?

Sugano: --Mm! The Fried Scallops here are really the best!

Rei: (…One day.)

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

It would be great if I could come back to this subject one day, and have a serious discussion about it with Sugano-kun… --Strangely enough, when think that it will happen one day, I feel like it will happen for sure, eventually.

───⋅𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝐸𝒩𝒟⋅☆

[internaljiujitsu]

5 Realizations That (Finally) Got Me Off The ADHD Treadmill

I used to hate reading books. I did it anyway but couldn’t last more than five or ten minutes before dozing off or having my mind dart away to distant lands. Like the skinny kid with no appetite that had to force feed himself to pack on muscle, I shoved books into my brain because I hated the idea of not being well read more than I hated reading.

As a kid, I often left things undone. — or worn out to the nub. After beginning enthusiastically, I’d soon lose steam and beat myself from pillar to post for quitting. I’d always hang around through the torture just to avoid the sting of giving up again. Once the interest was gone, whatever I was doing became pure misery. This would inevitably lead to mental and physical breakdown, as every cell in my body rejected the reality my mind was accepting.

I got good grades and excelled athletically but always thought I could do better. There seemed to be a gear missing — the one that I just knew could take me to a place that felt right. If I were just better, more disciplined and able to focus more — but I didn’t think I had it in me.

Back then, I didn’t know I was working with a slight disadvantage. While medication has played a crucial role in managing my ADHD, and no doubt would have made a massive difference in my childhood, it’s been just as important to build coping and productivity skills. While ADHD makes it difficult to work for other people, it also challenges your ability to self-regulate. Your perception of time is thrown off, so keeping track of your own schedule can be tough without a system.

Before I ever tried medication, in my forties, I spent my life learning skills to make up for what I saw as inadequacies. I’m thankful that I built a technical foundation before supplementing with chemicals, but eternally grateful for what meds have done for me. Once I was properly diagnosed, I realized that the progress I was able to make on my own was astonishing. Giving myself credit for putting in the work motivated me further. The medication made it all click. It was the missing piece I’d been searching for after years of hard inner and outer training.

Here are my five keys for finally jumping off the ADHD treadmill. Once I inserted these into my belief system, I no longer felt hopeless. The limiting, negative self-talk stopped. It took a long time to finally put everything together, but the results have been life changing.

Meds Are Not Evil

Like a lot of other people, I didn’t believe ADHD was real. My perception was that it was a made up disorder designed by drug companies to pump kids full of personality stifling drugs — an excuse for parents to medicate energetic kids and abdicate responsibility.

Meanwhile, I lived every day in lonely terror, until my symptoms became so overwhelming that I became suicidal. At that point, medicine was my last hope. I read books, meditated, prayed, had countless therapy sessions, including EMDR, and took massive action to change my life — but I hit a healing wall. I needed a boost.

The wiring in my brain makes it so ADHD medication that would make the average person speedy simply makes me feel normal. I am no longer listless and suicidal, disappointed in myself because my aspirations outweigh my self-belief. Before meds, it felt as if I was receiving random radio signals from everywhere. The one that always caught my ear never had anything good to say. Still, my disciplined nature dragged me through my days.

The stigma against medication and the dangerous abuse of these drugs by the general public has left many people unnecessarily living in misery. Prisons and homeless shelters are purgatories for the mislabeled, ignored and discarded members of society unlucky enough to suffer from mental illness. How many of those fortunes could have been altered with the right diagnosis, treatment and protocol?

2. Medication + Discipline = Badass

As a person that uses discipline as therapy, I once thought I could muscle my way through pain. Becoming older in the martial arts world means you have to fight smarter. That’s the trade off — you are wiser and have a much better understanding of your art, but your body does not react the same. Nature seeks balance.

But fuck that. If you take care of yourself, you can whip on the youngins long after your head is covered in gray. Combining experience with conditioning makes you unstoppable. That’s how I see my mental health approach.

If you have no clarity, you won’t make the best choices. You simply can’t see what’s in front of you without a trained eye. The frantic nature of the ADHD mind is like a white belt thrown into what we call the “shark tank.” It’s a relentless onslaught of tough competitors coming in fresh at intervals to continuously beat your ass. No place for white belts. That’s what life feels like off my meds.

The passions that occupy my time have kept my brain buzzing enough to distract me from my buzzing brain. Now that the unwanted chatter is gone, I can feel the good kind of buzz — the warm, fuzzy feeling of loving what I do without feeling like I have to do it.

Would I have preferred avoiding all the pain I felt over the years and just been medicated all along? No. If life didn’t necessitate that I acquire the skills that I have, I wouldn’t have been driven to pursue them. I may have relied too much on the drug. I would not have changed. But I have a feeling the relief of the meds wouldn’t have been enough — It’s just not who I am. I know that now. Eventually, I would have gone searching. At times I almost feel like I have an unfair advantage now. Technical ability and practical experience. Strength and skill. Balance. I’m glad it happened the way it did.

3. You Feel How You Eat

While nutrition has always been important to me for physical fitness, I was more concerned with appearance. As I got older, my focus became increasing my energy levels and feeling better. It wasn’t until after being diagnosed and forming habits around optimizing my abilities that I realized the importance of nutrition for good mental health. Inflammation caused by certain foods is detrimental to brain function and a frequent culprit in ADHD.

Once you’ve gone down a suicidal rabbit whole, giving up gluten is a tiny price to pay for sanity. Not that you know what sanity is — you just know you don’t have it.

Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t give a second thought to the type of food they put in their mouths. Lifestyle is a gigantic factor in mental fitness. Eating foods that promote brain health (fatty fish, blueberries, avocados) and avoiding processed products and sugar will ensure you have the energy and mental clarity to face the day.

4. Your Phone Is A Tool

People love to complain about how their phones have taken over their lives, but we’ve got the most amazing tools ever invented in our pockets. You can read books, listen to podcasts, watch Ted Talks — non stop learning at your fingertips — all the time.

But, with great power comes great responsibility (Stan Lee will never steer you wrong). Just like television can range from “The Sopranos” to “Jersey Shore,” your cell phone can educate or anesthetize you. If you’re not disciplined, your time will be eaten up swiping left to right and “liking” shit you couldn’t care less about.

Take advantage of your calendar and alarm features to schedule everything. Don’t assume you’re gonna remember, because let’s be honest, you’re gonna forget. Use voice memos and notes to keep track of ideas and journal your feelings and thoughts. You know you have to keep yourself occupied, so download the Kindle app and have a book at the ready for down time. Listen to a guided meditation. Take an online course on the go. Learn a new language. It really is endless. Use it wisely, and your phone is the ultimate weapon. No utility belt required.

5. Less Sleep Isn’t Helping

Feeling lazy had me convinced I needed to force myself to do more. That meant getting up earlier so I could get shit done. With a schedule that had me winding down at ten o’clock at night after teaching martial arts classes, it was tough to go right to bed. If I wasn’t careful, I’d lose a half hour of sleep here and there because I wanted to stay up watching television (which miraculously has a way of leading to chips or ice cream). Arnold Schwarzzenegger famously said that you should learn to sleep faster if you can’t get by on six hours of sleep. After years of insisting on shutting down for a minimum of 7–8 hours to promote physical recovery from training, I tried getting by on just 5–6 hours. No dice.

My brain and body just don’t work the same. The sleep I was getting wasn’t all that restful either. I’d frequently wake up during the night feeling restless. It wasn’t until I developed sleep rituals that I began falling asleep quickly and getting a deeper rest. With repetition, my body and mind got used to the same sequence of events every night leading up to bed time. Once I trained my brain, my body knew what to do as soon as my head hit the pillow.

By now, I’ve learned that seven hours is my sweet spot. Eight clean hours can make me feel like superman (mental note: start sleeping eight hours a night).

Recent research suggests ADHD symptoms are often a result of insufficient restful sleep. Sleep deprivation also exacerbates symptoms in kids and adults with ADHD. Your physical and emotional state is undoubtedly better when you get sufficient rest. Staying up late into the night with unproductive bullshit is a mistake, but so is getting by on five hours because you want to prove you’re a tough grinder. You simply won’t be functioning as well. It’s self-sabotage.

There is no magic pill to fix you. If you think of meds that way, you’ll be putting scotch tape on a gunshot wound. You’ve gotta stop the bleeding. Dig the bullet out. Repair the internal damage — then stitch it up. You’ve gotta let it heal and start actively rehabilitating if you want to get stronger. It’s not going to happen by accident or by divine intervention — even though it may feel like that in the end.

Although I’ve developed a good arsenal of skills to maximize my mental wellbeing, I still want to continue growing. My next step will be scanning my brain to understand what areas are being over or under stimulated and adjusting my lifestyle accordingly. As Dr. Daniel Amen, one of the nation’s foremost psychiatrists and a leading expert on brain health says, “Did you know that psychiatrists are the only medical specialists that virtually never look at the organ they treat? Think about it. Cardiologists look, neurologists look, orthopedic doctors look, virtually every other medical specialist looks — psychiatrists guess.”

It seems so obvious now that I want to run out and get my brain scanned as I write this. I’m excited to discover what changes I can make to improve my performance and sense of well being. Brain imaging will provide a road map.

No matter the cards you’ve been dealt, planning and hard work can help you become who you want to be. No circumstance is a limitation to an open mind. There are always ways to improve if you’re willing to search long enough. Luckily for me, I tend to get a little obsessed.

[worddevdealswithml]

Side Effects Include: Empathy

Chapter 21:

Marinette stared, arm stretched out.

Then, slowly, shakily, she pulled back from the edge.

She closed her eyes, trying to forget…

Forget.

Adrien, leaping across the gap, arms flailing wildly as he tried to get the last bit of distance.

Adrien, not quite going to make it.

She dove forward, as he slammed, stomach first, into the ledge.

She’d barely managed to grab a hand as he fell away.

She’d slid, but held firm, arm barely supporting his weight, even with her enhanced strength.

For a second, she’d thought she could simply pull him up, and then there had been the sickening sensation of his hand slipping.

She’d flailed out with her other arm, and if she’d been just a bit quicker, a bit less clumsy…

The image of shock on Adrien’s face as he fell away was seared into her memory.

She should have found some way to transform, even if it had meant revealing her identity to Adrien.  Even if…

It felt like part of her was crumbling in on itself.  She was breathing too fast, her vision blurring, growing unfocused, as the tear she couldn’t restrain seemed to gleam unnaturally bright on the tile.

“Marinette?”

It felt like she’d just hit the ground, or as if her soul had just been flung back into her body.

She was here.

Now.

Her breathing slowed, just a bit

“Maybe he just woke up.”

Maybe he just woken up.

“I…  Right.”

He’d…  He’d just woken up.  Definitely.

“Of course.  That’s… What happens when…” she swallowed.  “When something like that happens in a dream.”

“As soon as you defeat the Akuma, you can tell him all about what you dreamed.”

Holding onto what felt like vain, false hope, Marinette pushed to her feet.

She turned, just in time to see-

“Max,” she said, voice weak.

“Marinette.” He blinked, visibly breathing hard, and she could see the wheels spinning in his head. “You found some way to escape your dream?”

She shook her head.  “I don’t think anyone outside the school was trapped.”

He nodded, slowly.  “I understand.”  He froze for a second.  “Then that gives me no hope as to my position.  We have less than a minute before these platforms will be submerged.  We should go now.”

He started up the steps, a bit unsteadily, and Marinette followed him, having to think about every step, barely able to keep herself moving.

--

Chloe Bourgeois had found her way to her bed.

Her phone’s apps weren’t working; right now, she would have given more than she wanted admit for someone from her class to talk to, but her phone app only gave her a dial tone, and her only social media app pulled up a nutrition app, that didn’t even seem to have any information in it.

The clothes in her closet were… fine, theoretically, but something seemed wrong about them, and she wasn’t sure she should wear them.

Besides, they were even older, some of them, than what she was wearing now.

At the reminder of her mother’s dig at her fashion, she curled up a bit on her bed.

Daddy hadn’t stood up for her.  Of course he hadn’t.  Between the two of them, all three of them knew who he was more afraid of.

Her clothes were out of style, her mother was disappointed in her, and Sabrina…

The lights glowed hungrily, a bit brighter than before.

Sabrina was angry at her, and Chloe didn’t even know why.  Not even that she didn’t understand why whatever it was was worth getting worked up over, but…

She didn’t even know what had caused it in the first place.

What was it supposed to mean that Chloe ‘hadn’t waited for her?’  Waited where?  When?

She was supposed to be Queen Bee.

Queen of what?

Paris?  She was at most a princess, with her father being the mayor.

Fashion?  As if.  Her mother would never stand for someone else taking on the title of queen of fashion.

And at school?  Only one person respected her authority.

What kind of queen only had one subject?

What kind of queen lost her only subject?

Chloe let out a slow, shuddering sob.

Yes, she had her castle, and her servants, but…

If anything, Marinette had more followers than her.

Another sob wracked her body, as her hands clenched around fistfuls of blanket, a sign of the burning, useless rage in the depths of her stomach.  Rage at… Marinette, her mother, and… Her own weakness.

Marinette had more respect than her, and when was the last time she’d gotten anyone Akumatized?

She was shaking with pointless fury now, her mind beating out profanity in rhythm with the blood pumping in her ears.

The last time Marinette had gotten someone Akumatized, it was the girl who had been lying ceaselessly to the class, manipulating them against her.

And Chloe, though she hadn’t acknowledged it, had heard both Alya and Nino talking about how Marinette had faced off against Lila’s Akumatized form.

No Miraculous.  Just… Marinette.

And Chloe?

The last person Chloe had gotten Akumatized was the one girl she would even consider calling her friend.

The scream built up, deep inside her lungs, until she couldn’t hold it in anymore.

The lights themselves seemed to dim as she let it out, as if in fear.

--

“Why is this room so tall?”  Marinette finally managed, breaking the spell of silence she’d maintained for the last several minutes of steady climbing.

“It’s…” began Max, before heaving a breath, “based on an identical room from the game Outrun.”

“Outrun?”

“This.  You outrun the rising liquid.”

“Isn’t outrunning kind of a stretch?  It’s… Pretty slow, isn’t it?”

“For now.  It gets faster the higher you get.  We’re still in the tutorial phase, but if I have to guess, we’ll be leaving it soon.”

“How many… How many phases are there?”

“This is the tutorial. The first real level involves more difficult platforms, and adds jump-pads.  The second increases the difficulty immensely.  The third… Removes most of the jump-pads, but keeps the platforms similarly difficult.”

“So, if we complete the three stages, we might be able to break out?”

He stopped, and she heard him sigh.

“No.  The third stage is endless, and it only gets faster.  No matter how far we go, it will catch us. There’s no way out.  There’s no ‘winning.’  There’s only… Game over.”  

Marinette pursed her lips.

“There must be something.”

He started climbing again.

“Naturally.  If I believed the situation were hopeless, I would already have given up.”

“Then, if it’s endless…?”

“Ladybug and Chat Noir have presumably already shown up.  Usually, this means we will should be saved within… 20 minutes, maximum.”

She was playing an endless game, and if she lost it… If she even slipped, it was game over.

Just like it had been for Adrien.

Worse, the only ‘way out,’ Max had, was…

Her.

And she was trapped just as much as he was.

She stopped, as she realized that the layout had changed.

This had to be stage one.

It was… Exactly like Max had described.

The jump pads, the more dangerous platforming.

She froze.

Exactly like Max had described.

This was his dream.

Things here worked exactly like he thought they should.

Then…  She had a choice.

“Max?”

Max looked back at her from the jump pad, where he’d been about to jump.

“You can’t save your progress in this game, right?”

“No, of course not. Every run is from the beginning.”

“So… If you quit the game, you… lose whatever run you were on?”

He adjusted his glasses, and took a breath.

“Marinette, I know what you’re thinking.  It’s too much of a risk.”

“Is it?  This is your dream, Max.  It’s up to you whether it’s a risk or not.”

“And…” He grimaced.  “I don’t know.  The character dies.  The player doesn’t.  We’re both of them, right now.  It’s infinitely safer to trust that Ladybug and Chat Noir will arrive soon than to risk your life to avoid climbing.”

Marinette pursed her lips. She hadn’t said it, but…

“I came in here with Adrien,” she said.

He pulled in a breath, and looked down.

“I see.”

She pulled away.

“Good luck, Max.  I just… I need to know.”

“Luck isn’t…” he sighed. “Good luck, Marinette.”

She turned away from him, but could still hear him climbing again behind her.

Well…

Either she was right, or… Or she wasn’t.

The sludge oozed worryingly beneath her, purple and toxic.

Here went…

Nothing.

She leaped, and this time, she wasn’t aiming for a platform.

--

Though he hadn’t been able to tell Marinette, Adrien had gotten the chance to feel the emotions of the fake Chat Noir.

It had felt like…

Like a beginner playing the piano.

The melody was there, plucked out with one finger, but the rest of it was silent.

And what he felt… It felt like someone trying very hard to be Chat Noir.

Strange, that.

This Akuma could easily have made them secretly villainous, or… Or even openly villainous.

But it hadn’t.

And… Adrien was trying very hard to concentrate on figuring out why that was the case, in the vain hopes that it would keep his mind off of… Off of…

“Adrien,” said his father, “are you even paying attention?”

I— he mouthed, but no sound came out.  Not even the bare whispered he’d managed before.

At first, his father had called him in to talk about how he’d clearly been missing his piano practices, then about his grades were slipping, and now…

“Well?  Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

He was standing in the atelier, too far away for it to be personal, but too close for him to pretend that this wasn’t directed at him.

I can’t speak, he tried to say, but of course…

“Disgraceful.”

Father, please, I’m—

“This is exactly why I believed that putting you into a public school was a poor choice.”

No, I’m trying to—

“Standing there, gaping like a fish.  I have no doubt you’d tell them all about how amusing it was to make me angry.”

That’s not—  I’m not—

“Well, you won’t.”

He froze.

What?

“I placed a bare modicum of trust in you, Adrien, and I see now… It was misplaced.”  He took a deep breath, disgust etched into his features. “From this day forward, you will no longer attend—

He stopped.

“Oh,” came a voice, as Adrien saw a shadow pass by his foot.

Marinette?

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng. You are an aspiring fashion designer with a great deal of potential.  I recommend you leave now, before I am forced to have you removed.”

He turned, to see her stiff and worried, but as their eyes met, even he, with his poor eye for it, could make out the relief.

She had to have been worried.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “but I have to make sure he’s okay.”

He felt a pang of fear as she said it, because-

“That is none of your concern.  I am his father.  And you are…?”

At the long silence, he turned, to see her pale.

“I’m his friend,” she said, finally.

“A ‘friend’ who has illegally entered my house, and is actively challenging me is not a friend that Adrien should have.”

You don’t get to decide who my friends are!  he tried to say, but…

“I believed you might have been better than the rest of them, but now…  I believe I may have to remove you from his life.  I will not have bad influences affecting him.”

“I…  You…”  she was slipping, now.

They’d exited one nightmare, only to enter another.

There was no Ladybug coming to save them, nor any Chat Noir.

But…

There was a slamming sound, from beyond the door, like stomping feet.

The door slammed open, rattling the hinges.

“What do you think you’re doing in my—

[rahullkohli]

about the weight watchers app for kids...i’m thinking it may be for overweight/obese kids? i can see it being mentally taxing for those who are at a normal weight for their size. can you explain more about how it’s child abuse?

hello. thank you so much for actually being chill and open for a dialogue, unlike how aggressive people have been about the post.

anyway, i have been thinking about how to tackle this one the entire day, and i am afraid it’s gonna be a long one, so i’ll put it under a cut. i’m just gonna start out with a little background about myself, to explain how i am forming my opinions on the subject, and where my knowledge comes from.

i have been overweight more or less my entire life, even though i have gone through anorexia and bulimia, and have been eating below my necessary calorie intake literally my entire life (i grew up very poor, so we just simply didn’t have enough, or satisfyingly nourishing, food in the house). to this day i struggle with disordered eating patterns and body dysmorphia. i have been lifting weights on/off for 12 years, and i have been seeing a licensed nutritionist for a year and a half now, which has helped me lose 22 kg. i am still working on it. i have worked with a long line of fitness trainers (my mom is a licensed fitness trainer, for one), and about three different nutritionists. so while i don’t have any education in either of those fields, i have worked with professionals that have taught me a lot. i have also studied psychology in college for a year, and specifically child psychology for another year - i also spent a year working with kids ages 2-6.

my two youngest sisters did a weightwatchers program when they were around 8 and 10, so i have also seen upclose how that works. that was many years ago - and not in america - so i do know that the way things worked then/works in america compared to where i live, may not be the exact same. but the guidelines for the company, and their strategies should be the same, since it is afterall the same company. now, both of my sisters lost weight. they also gained it back. and more, and more, and both of them are extremely overweight today. in the way that i am the “thin” sister, compared. and they are eating disordered. they have no grasp of how to deal with food. they are intelligent women, and they know the basics of “if you eat too much pizza and ice cream, you will gain weight” but they don’t know, and don’t have the energy, to apply it to how they live. they are not only compulsive overeaters, they also don’t have a healthy eating pattern that could help stabilize their metabolism.

okay, so with that out of the way, let’s get to the actual app - and weightwatchers.

the app offers a diet, even though it is a fact that diets do not work. they literally do not. people who go on a diet will gain the weight right back on, and more. because diets are short-term solutions, and they are designed to make someone lose X amount of weight in X amount of time. it is not sustainable - just as with the oh-so-popular juice cleanses. for someone to lose weight, and keep it off, a complete lifestyle change is needed, but that is just not as simple as some companies, magazines, blogs, etc. will make it sound. because every single person is unique and what their body needs to maintain a healthy weight is unique to them specifically. in order to lose weight your daily calorie intake needs to be in a caloric deficit, but this depends on your height, your current weight, how your body is built, and more. those are things the app simply don’t take into account. now, i haven’t actually downloaded the app myself (i refuse to give them the clicks), but a licensed trainer i follow on instagram posted screencaps on her story. as far as i could see they take height and weight, and that’s that. but the human body is much more complex than just height and weight - especially when it comes to children and teenagers, who are growing, and going through tremendous hormonal changes. but i will get to that later.

what should also be taken into account are things like hormonal imbalances, and the fact that people breaks down macronutrients (carbhohydrates, proteins and fats) differently. fx, my sisters have poly cystic ovary syndrome (pcos), which means that their bodies can’t handle carbohydrates very well, whereas i need most carbs, medium protein, small amounts of fats. but apps like these don’t take that into account, because it is impossible for an app to do a check for what every single individual needs. i for example recently found out that my body doesn’t break down dairy very well. i have been using plant based milk, yogurt, ice cream and butter, instead of animal based for years, and only very small amounts of animal based cheese, so when my nutritionist had me switch to animal based yogurt i started gaining weight. i went back to plant based and the weight went off.

nutrition and a healthy lifestyle cannot be taught simplistic, because it is about the individual, and it takes a trial, error and do-over period to find what works for your specific body. and what works for your body now, might not have worked ten years ago, or ten years from now, because hormones changes how our bodies processes macronutrients. but this app is a “one size fits all”-system.

and this system. the system it is using is based on shaming children; making them feel inadequate, making them scared, and ashamed of their bodies. the “before and after” photos i have seen, have all been kids who weren’t even that big to begin with. and the fact that the “goals” to choose from when signing up includes choices such as “make my parents proud” is manipulative and destructive for a child/teenager. no kid should ever even have the thought that they need to be a certain weight/size, or their parents won’t be proud of them. the entire set-up is sowing the seed that their weight is the deciding factor for their worth as people, which is the beginning to eating disorders.

now, kids’ bodies really start changing around the age of eight (the age of which you can sign up for this monster); these years are called pre-teens for a reason. hormones really start flowing, and body fat is really needed to help the hormones and toxins take care of the body. but if a child is forced to lose excessive amounts of body fats, this can’t happen. this is one of the reasons that professional child ballerinas, gymnasts, ice skaters, etc. don’t develop until very late. some don’t even get their period until their twenties, because their development has been stunted by excessive dieting and exercising.

their psyche of children and teens are also really delicate, and they are in the process of developing what kind of people they are going to be. not only that, also what their relationships with their bodies are gonna be like. if they are constantly told by their parents/siblings/apps that they need to lose weight, that they have to track and count every calorie they consider eating, and every step they take, does that seem like a healthy foundation for how they view their body, nutrition and exercise in the future?

the way the app works is with the so-called stoplight system, where if when you put in a food it will either give you a green light (good), yellow light (medium) or red light (bad) - but the thing is that, again, that is not how simple nutrition is. you would think that the red foods would be soda, ice cream, chips etc., and the green foods would be stuff like fruits and vegetables. but again, the trainer i followed said that she put in her food for the day: a protein bar, two eggs with bread, and a piece of fruit. the protein bar came up red, the eggs and bread yellow and the fruit green. now, all of these foods are things that are written down in my carefully calculated meal plan from my nutritionist. in my plan i also have lots of vegetables, pasta, rice, chicken, even chocolate and chips. but the thing is that it’s all about how much of it i eat. and that is another thing the app doesn’t seem to take into consideration. if i was to put in nothing but vegetables it would give me green light the whole way, but it would not be nourishing for a whole day. 

this app is forming their minds to spend all their energy worrying about what they eat, when they eat, how they eat. think of an eight year old with this app going to a birthday party - do you think they would be able to enjoy regular kiddie birthday party food, with the red light in the back of their heads? even if it is just one day? this app is gonna rob them of their childhood, and being able to enjoy life.

so, what i am trying to say is that the app is bad because the system doesn’t work. it is not teaching healthy habits, it is not giving advice on how to obtain a sustainable weightloss, and it doesn’t care about whether the children are actually overweight or not. it is created by a company whose sole purpose is to make money.

i don’t think that all of the parents who are buying into this are doing it because they are evil; i do believe that they think they are doing what is best for their children, but their views on body images and nutrition have also been skewed by the media and the diet culture we are living in. parents may look at their daughter’s chubby cheeks and think she’s unhealthy when she is literally just a kid with puppy fat that she will grow out of once adolescence hits. sure, there are kids who are truly in an unhealthy state with their bodies, but then the parents should have the help from a licensed professional, starting out with seeing a doctor who can tell them whether their child truly is overweight to a degree that it is dangerous, and from there on be referred to professionals that knows what they are doing. kids shouldn’t feel guilty when eating, but they will with this app.

i do realize that overweight is a problem, for both children and adults - not just in america, but most of the western world. (fun fact: the other day i saw a program that said that china is, as of 2017, the “fattest” country in the world, so it’s not just the western world, i just don’t have enough information about other places to say anything about that.) but a “one size fits all”-app is not the way to handle this issue. there are way too many layers to the problem to fix that.

not only is it important to remember that overweight does not equal unhealthy, regardless of age, gender, race, or anything else, but unhealthy overweight is especially tied to low-income persons, as nourishing food is much more expensive and accessible to people with middle-class and above incomes.

there is also the fact that education about proper nourishment is non-existent. what people know about dietary information is what they get from the media, where they will tell you garbage like goat milk is bad one day, and literally the next the same publication will tell you it’s the fountain of youth. it’s unreliable, and has no roots in actual science. even statistics can’t be trusted, because those often stem from surveys and projects paid for by big cooperations who are paying for an outcome in their favor.

so, to sum it all up; this app is based on a system that uses bodyshaming and guilt to throw kids and adults alike into a vicious cycle of yo-yo weight patterns, eating disorders and hateful relationships with themselves, their bodies and their sense of selfworth. i don’t think parents who buys into this app are overall evil, but it is an obvious tool for abusive parents who uses guilt, shame, punishment and scare tactics to manipulate their children into the above mentioned unhealthy patterns, because the parents themselves are victims of the fatphobic diet culture we are living in. not to mention that the parents don’t have access to proper information themselves.

aside from that, you can also see in the notes of the original post, that there are incredibly many people, who will tell stories about how forced diet in their childhood/teen years has been a kickstart to a lifelong series of mental and physical health issues.

this app is preying on scared parents to capitalize of a beauty obsessed ideal that is completely unrealistic.

i have also written a post about nutrition here that may be of interest to anyone reading this.

i am open to any questions, and constructive criticism. other than that i just hope i have been able to explain why i believe this app is harmful, and that it has been an informative read. thank you so much for reading to the end.

xxx

[kapampangan-traveller]

Visiting a place always leads us to another dimension of experience – the realm of AGRICULTURE! Commonly thought as could be a bland activity, this sector in the tourismsphere exposes visitors of the life we have before the flourishing of the urban zones – the simplicity of farm living. The Provincial Tourism Office of Pangasinan ramps up its activities to promote Agritourism, a tourism product that lets consumers experience first hand on the various procedures and processes done within a developed and accredited farm facility. From sowing seedlings to harvesting ripe produces, up to feeding the livestock and poultry, this activity would surely provide a learning experience to the visitors, and insights on giving importance on the undeniably crucial agriculture sector.

Also, Included in the itinerary set are three farms with diversified practices and improved processes:

FARMCRADLE, Balungao, Pangasinan

OUR FARM REPUBLIC, Mangatarem, Pangasinan

LOTUS VALLEY FARM, San Juan, La Union

Thank you to the Lakbay Norte 9, a five-day tour organized by the Northern Philippines Visitors Bureau, our batch was able to experience and understand, first hand, different farms in Pangasinan and La Union provinces.

If touring these facilities, I would recommend slathering on your sun-exposed skin with Belo Sun Expert Spray Mist to minimize the effects of sunburn.

  These are the farms we are able to check and visit:

FARM CRADLE, Balungao, Pangasinan

Visiting this farm facility is an enriching experience, who would have thought from a bare parcel of land would emerge to a huge multifaceted agricultural facility, and now, a certified agritourism destination and TESDA certified educational facility too.

We are welcomed at their study hall where we are fed with our lunch and served our afternoon caffeine boost. Prior to the actual tour, Sir Tony Santos, Founder, welcomed the team and discussed the history and various activities of the farm. After, we are whisked around the farm through their golf cart rides, stopping on each section of their vast farm.

Things that I loved:

The Cute Bunnies

Feeding the rabbits

Rabbits are one of the live animals capable to be farmed due to its fast multiplication. They cultivated both of their meat and fur. I was excited to see their rabbitry and experience to feed the adult ones. We are also able to experience the young ones, Kaye was able to cuddle one young rabbit.

The OSTRICHES 

Cute ostrich

  Set in separate farmland, the ostriches are caged and fed in a spacious and airy spot. With enough space, you can actually interact with them but with extreme caution, as they have a powerful kick and strong pecks.

The CAMELS

Kiko interacting with a camel

One of the unique features of this farm, you can interact or go near with these creatures but be careful as they might munch on your hair. They a characteristic odor, and if you have some sort of an allergy, better not to go near.

The ATV RIDE

Maria enjoying the ATV

This farm is really vast and touring around while walking will consume much time. Thanks to their ATV ride, you can hop on different sections of the farm in style. Apart fr this, you can enjoy the farm tour riding a golf cart.

The KUBOTELS

One of the Kubotels

These are accommodations set for students of TESDA who are deployed on the farm. Sleeping on this traditional house type surrounded by farmland is a dream of every nature-lover traveler. Imagine waking up with the chickens and produces in just a few strides.

The HANDMADE PRODUCT LINES

Natural beauty products

Having different sections of the farms means varied products for consumers. Upon our entry, some of the products are already on display. There are lotions, candles, bath soaps, balms and many more.

For inquiries, contact Farmcradle at +63 917 1544 748 or email at hello@Farmcradle.com

OUR FARM REPUBLIC, Mangatarem, Pangasinan

Instragrammable!!!

Astounding on how this farm started, Farm Republic is one of the agritourism destinations I have enjoyed. The founder, Ms. Lea Soriano, previously from a corporate role, has decided to follow her heart for agriculture – and it seemed to be a noble calling for her. Looking at her achievement wall, the certificates she learned equate her devotion to the practice of agriculture. I was astounded on how she really poured her heart out on this. It is also inspiring to listen to her, that success on changing of career does not always end in futility, but with enough courage and sheer effort, surely success is on way.

Stuff I love

Buffet Lunch

Enjoyed these healthy servings of their lunch buffet

  Prior we tour, a sumptuous lunch buffet is served using ingredients sourced no other than, within the farm. This is evidence of farm-to-table model. The majority of the ingredients making up their delectable dishes are sourced from the farm – talk about freshness and quality. Must try is their Flower Salad, and my favorite ingredient are the blue ternate flowers – known for its medicinal benefits.

Flower Salad – a must-try in Our Farm Republic

Discussion on concocting organic fertilizers 

Their storage of different organic fertilizers

With the multiple varieties growing on the farm, adding certain fertilizers would increase the yield and having it in an organic way is an added plus. Munching on their product is indeed guilt-free.

Learned about Tandem Farming

different herbs

it is my first time to know about this practice. Planting together or beside each other with a herb or vegetable, the farm is able to enhance its pest protective effect.

The Fishpen 

This beautiful cottage above the fishpen

  Their fish pens are designed with a central island connected by steel footbridges over the actual freshwater pools, which not the same with the fish pens I saw with other farms.

Clean Pig Pens

No stench pig pens

Our common notion that having a piggery equates stench, but not for this farm. They have many pens with dry and clean soil, of course having less or no stench at all, hence, their pigs are thriving on a healthier and cleaner environment. You will pass by these pens during the guided tour and you will notice how clean and well kept they are.

Pick and Pay

Favorite part – the pick and pay

this is, of course, one of the favorite activities on a farm. There are baskets provided at the start of the tour, and you can pick on produce that your tour guide has allowed to. During our visit, there are heaps of java apples, florals, eggplants, and cherry tomatoes ready for harvest. At the end of the tour, you would pay depending on the actual weight of each product.

Continued Research and Development 

  Ms. Soriano’s heart is in continuing evidence-based procedures to increase quality yields thereby improving the lives of our farmers. Even of her innumerable certificates dangling on her walls, she never stops learning and never stops imparting the technique to students and her team members.

For inquiries, send them an email to  info@ourfarmrepublic.com or SMS/call to +63 927 882 6005  | +63 947 853 2342 | +6394 550 08401

Visit their website to ourfarmrepublic.com

  LOTUS VALLEY FARM 

From once a basic terrain to a promising tourist destination featuring diversified neighboring forestry, bed-and-breakfast, and a wellness retreat, this is a huge project made possible by the team of Sir Toby Tamayo. A multilevel property complex composed of different sections, the plantations, the diversified forest, the open hall, the Kubo accommodations, and their private living space, all enclosed in a systematized and efficient system in harmony with nature’s liking, and supporting its thrusts to boost the contiguous biocapacity.

The almost 9-hectare land was bought last 2008 and currently features an astounding 77 varieties of native trees that invite almost 50 species of bird, which is identified by the UPLB. Because of his expertise in ecology, he planted almost a thousand trees during the initial year, and until such time letting birds and bats do the pollination and seed propagation.

Kat trying this technique (Photo: Benzi Florendo)

  He did not start with a clean slate, but on a land decimated by poor farming practices. Imagine the efforts he has to undertake to reverse the damage and bring back the life it has before.

What I love with the farm:

The Elegant kubo accommodation

One of the two native bamboo huts

  Not your usual kubo huts, Mr. Tamayo had designed these huts with bamboo sourced within the farm and utilizing efficient architecture that flatters the eye, usage of space and function. He has stressed that harvesting bamboo poles at the right age would maximize its quality and strength. Set on a slope beside a diverse forest that gives off cooler air and retains more groundwater, experience a refreshing internal climate during your stay. The huts have installed lighting with proper luminance avoiding attracting many insects.

The Wellness Session

Music meditation (Photo: Benzi Florendo)

Ms. Marisa Tamayo, wife of Sir Toby, heads sessions on acupuncture and music meditation. We are able to experience music meditation while having our ears acupunctured.

The Detox Diets

Healthy Dinner Buffet (Photo: Benzi Florendo)

All of the dishes they served are plant-based and sourced locally – think of the freshness and nutrition it would bring to your plate. Not only that quality is topnotch, but taste and presentation too. Their Kare Kare is heaven on my tongue. I think I got more than 5 helpings of it – especially am not a pork eater, hence, totally guilty free meals here. I totally loved my dining experience – A for effort.

The “Forestry 101 Crash Course”

Sir Toby discussing the farm’s goals

As a commoner, we do not usually dive deep into understanding forestry matters. The majority might understand it as simply planting any sapling or seedling, wait for it to grow, and that’s it. With Sir Toby’s discussion about

The Open Air Hall

The stairway leading to the open hall (Photo: Benzi Florendo)

They built and designed an open-air high ceiling hall for their purpose and activities. This is where we had our acudetox and meditation sessions. Perched on a higher elevation, spectacular view of the property plus cooler fresh air are of the many things you will enjoy.

The Multilevel Garden

Sir Toby touring the team through his plantations.

Sir Toby toured us around the property and shared lots of insights with agriculture and forestry. I paid particular attention to how he mention always the coexisting of native species to amplify its long term positive ecological effects. In his multilevel garden, they are able to yield different produces, from soybeans to our samGy staple lettuces, they have it – note that they are grown and cultivated organically, and these go as well on the dishes they serve.

For inquiries, you can contact them at +63942 366 4519 or email at lotusvalleyfarm@gmail.com

Elegant bamboo hut accommodation

For bed and breakfast reservation, you can check at AirBnB.

  Truly, the tourism sector in the Philippines never stops evolving and developing over the years. There are always new and fresh experiences that would satiate the longing for adventure and break in the hustle-bustle stress in the urban zones. These farm owners are one of the forerunners in creating and developing these experiences ready for consuming at our convenience.

Our heartfelt thanks to these farm owners for giving us an opportunity to experience the other dimension of tourism – the more tranquil AGRITOURISM.

More photographs:

FARM CRADLE

Baby Rabbits

Cattles

Bike Zipline Tower

Goats

Fowls

One of their peacocks

Chickens upclose

Free range chickens

Farm Cradle products

Ostrich

Camel

Goat Feeding

more fowls

OUR FARM REPUBLIC 

Instragrammable path way

Gumamela

Macopa

Picking cherry tomatoes

More fruits

Aubergines

Plant Nursery

Resting area

Dessert

signature Flower Salad

delicious

more crops

pet pig

LOTUS VALLEY FARM 

Various bamboo species

Elegant huts

View near the farm

plantbased canapes

singers from SIFcare

another herb

chopped black bamboo

herbs

instagrammable stairway

Acupuncture set

Acupuncture session

Plant Based Kare Kare

Thank you Sir Toby!

Bedroom inside the native

Lakbay Norte 9

    AGRITOURISM: What’s new in the North? Visiting a place always leads us to another dimension of experience - the realm of AGRICULTURE! Commonly thought as could be a bland activity, this sector in the…

[fiti-vation]

Mind sharing what you’re passionate about and what your 2019 personal goals are?

That is a really good question dear, with so many layers to it. I am passionate about a lot of things quite frankly. Clearly, since I run a fitness blog, fitness is one thing I am passionate about. Anything that pertains to health, nutrition and well-being. As I’ve always said, I like being active and I view the human body as the most impressive machine built for performance. In fact, the body is a machine that must be taken care of if we want it to perform well for an extended period of time. Developing a passion for health and fitness will not only help with physical health, but it helps improve one’s mental health and overall well-being. In that regard, I don’t think I would ever have had a passion for fitness if it wasn’t for running. I am a passionate about running, I am passionate runner, a solo runner, a runner who runs with her soul not her sole.

I run because it’s my passion, and not just a sport. Every time I walk out the door, I know why I’m going where I’m going, and I’m already focused on that special place where I find my peace and solitude. Running, to me, is more than just a physical exercise… it’s a consistent reward for victory! Running changed my life… Once you get that blood moving, it’s show time!

Running 🏃🏾‍♀️: 

Running is a great metaphor of life; you get out of it what you put into it. It has taught me a lot more than I could ever have imagined. It has taught me about perseverance, failure – how to accept defeat, self-accountability, discipline, determination, but most importantly, running has completely changed my view of life. Running doesn’t only rejuvenate you physically… Actually, it has strengthened me not only physically, but mentally and spiritually. Simply put, it has taught me how to venerate my body, soul and mind. Through difficult times and good times, running has always been there for me. I can’t remember what I was doing before running. I guess procrastinating, watching TV, gaining nothing. Running pervades my life. I wouldn’t go as fa as to say it has crept into other part of my life; I would rather say it has become its own part of my life.Through running, I’ve found exhilaration, challenges, strength, confidence, inspiration, peace and friends. I have run in all directions- away from, toward, in circles. I have run through joy, sorrow, anger, pain and confusion. I have challenged myself again and again and have emerged from each test a stronger, more confident woman.

Getting into running during my first year of college was truly a blessing in disguise. 2010, that’s the year when, as a college freshman, I started running. Immediately I was enamored. I loved the sense of exploration, of challenging myself, of being outside in all kinds of weather. I loved the time alone, time to think about whatever came to my head. I loved seeing if I could go farther than I ever had or run a loop faster than I did the week before. I loved how I felt physically while running and how I felt mentally when I was done. When I joined the university track and field team the next fall, I learned to love running even more. Training with teammates, racing against those teammates, building toward a long-term goal – all this and more about being a competitive runner added a whole other layer of attraction to this most natural act.

*Note college and university are NOT the same thing in Canada as in the U.S. College and university aren’t used interchangeably in Canada – they are two distinct establishments.

On a different note but still in relation to running, I never truly felt good in my skin, but running changed that. It gave me confidence. When you start to feel good physically, mentally and spiritually, you start to enjoy and value yourself as you should. Inevitably, you start to spend more on yourself and your well-being – this brings me to my next passion: skincare.

Skincare – Nutricosmetics, Nutraceuticals and Cosmeceuticals 🧴💊

Not gonna lie, self-care is addictive lol. Prior to my healthy lifestyle, I really wasn’t taking much care of my skin (yikes), but when I got into fitness, I really started reading more about anything and everything that pertains to wellbeing – and skincare caught my attention, I learned that the skin is our largest organ. After learning that the skin is our largest organ – damn right I started taking good care of it lol 💆🏽‍♀️. I will forever be mad at my teenage self for not taking good care of my skin. Luckily, I started sooner than later (18 baby).  I know so much about skincare that at some point I seriously started contemplating doing a certificate in dermatology or becoming an aesthetic/cosmetic nurse 💉.

The skin covers the body and prevents water loss, protects the body from injury and infection, regulates body temperature, eliminates wastes (sweat), produces vitamin D with the help of sunlight, gathers information about the environment, stores fat for fuel and insulation.

As I became a skincare junkie, I discovered about nutricosmetics, nutraceuticals and cosmeceuticals. The science behind these topics is quite interesting and fascinating. If one day you ever have some free time, I’d recommend reading on these topics.

Nutraceuticals are products, which other than nutrition are also used as medicine. A nutraceutical product may be defined as a substance, which has physiological benefit or provides protection against chronic disease.

Cosmeceuticals are the marriage of cosmetics and pharmaceuticals. Think: antioxidant plus lipstick or retinol plus face serum.Cosmeceuticals will contain active ingredients that are known to be beneficial to humans in some way,“ says Marie Jhin, MD, a dermatologist in San Francisco. “For example, vitamin C is a known antioxidant and when this is added to a lotion or cream the product is considered a cosmeceutical.” [X] If you’ve been following me for years, you know that I’m a Vitamin C advocate. Use it internally, topically – splurge yourself of Vitamin C! It did wonders to my skin.

Nutricosmetics - Beauty from Within: The term “Nutricosmetics” is a result of the fusion of “Nutraceuticals” and “Cosmeceuticals.” They are ingestible natural health products that enhance the function and appearance of an individual’s skin, nails, and hair. They are a range of beauty supplements and functional foods and beverages that claim to contain active ingredients and nutrients such as botanical actives, sterol esters, lycopene, enzymes, proteins, minerals, and vitamins that enhance beauty and are beneficial to health.  

Spirituality – motivational speaking, and coaching 🧘🏾‍♀️

In regard to running still, as mentioned earlier running has not only nourished my body, but also my soul and mind. Overall, it helped me grow as the individual that I am today. Although I like the person that I am, as mentioned previously I am in love with the person that I have the potential to be. Running reminds me that there is more to me than what is readily apparent much of the time. In feeding my mind and soul, running taught me that there is ALWAYS room for improvement. I am always pushing myself, so I can be a better version of myself.

Now, you have to wonder how I stay so motivated and determined all the time. The truth is that I do not think I would have had this buoyant strength in me to persevere, to succeed and to overcome the obstacles and difficulties of life, if it was not for all that running has taught me. I am very grateful for all the knowledge I have gained over the years through athletics. Running has humbled me in a way. In this respect, a poignant quote from Kareem Heshmat that deeply impacted me lately reads,

Now you…you know a lot about a lot, or a lot about a little, a little about a lot or a little about a little. You have an understanding of many more concepts than you give yourself credit for. You pick up facts here and there and form opinions that are worth sharing. Gather that knowledge into something useful; either implement that knowledge to bring about change in the world or pass it along to someone who will be inspired to do the same. Having knowledge means sharing knowledge.

It would certainly be selfish for me not to share this incredible knowledge that I have gained over the years. I am admittedly not the most knowledgeable fitness expert, but I believe that some can learn and relate with my journey. Fortunately for me, I was able to blossom as a strong individual. However, I recognize and acknowledge that I was and am privileged in a certain way, because the path to a healthy lifestyle is not the easiest - many fail all along this journey and / or never succeed.

Over the last 2-3 years, I have been really big on spirituality, soul searching, motivational speaking, and coaching. So, in the near future, I hope I can use all the knowledge I’ve gained over the years to inspire others to reach their full potential, whether that is physically, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, occupationally, socially, environmentally, and / or financially [see post on 7 dimensions of Health]. 

Uplifting Others is an investment that always pays back dividends, not necessarily from the outside, but for one’s own peace of mind and soul. In many ways, what we put out into the world is returned to us in the form of our own inner peace, happiness, contentment, and well-being. That makes developing passion for others into something that can really help with our peace of mind and place in life.

Nature 🍃

With regard to running and spirituality, I’ve found trail running to be so beneficial for my body and mind, and surprisingly, it made me learn to enjoy nature more than I did when I was younger. Trail running takes you up the mountain, over the river, and through the woods, and that often gives you a much more scenic view than we could ever hope for on an urban jaunt on the road. Trails just have a way of closing off the rest of the world and all of the chaos. Put simply, trail running is quiet and contemplative.

There is no Wi-Fi in the forest, but I promise you will find a better connection.

Miscellaneous 🖼🎨✈️👩🏾‍⚖️

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I have a lot of passions, but if I list them all, this post will never end. Those discussed above are my main ones, but I am also very passionate about social justice, art, and travelling.

Art: Art such as running is another of expressing oneself. At the end we’re all just searching for that tiny space, perhaps a hole that gives us shelter from the struggles of life.

Travelling:  Although Canada is the second largest country in the world and one of the most diverse, I would like to see what else is out there before being 30. I’d love to spend the rest of my 20s travelling. Traveling is so rewarding, not only for the mind but also for the soul. I love being around people and learning about different cultures and languages and as cheesy as it might sound, what I’d like to do is somehow combine these facts with the aim to help dismantle prejudices and unite people. On that note, this brings me to my next point.

Social justice: Justice in terms of the distribution of wealth, opportunities, and privileges within a society is something we should all advocate for. Fighting against discrimination, prejudice and injustice has always been something dear to my heart, especially as a Black woman.

Personal goals 🗓

In terms of my personal goals for 2019, the year is almost over lol, so my expectations aren’t too high, but before the year ends as I’ve mentioned previously, I’d like to start a YouTube channel. I’m also in the process of writing my first eBook.

Some of my personal goals for the future include:• writing a visual cookbook;• writing a skincare tips book;• partaking in a marathon or bodybuilding contest;• having my own brand of supplement for elite athletes and bodybuilders;• creating fitness gear/compact and affordable gym equipments• doing a TED talk.

But most importantly I’d really love to turn my passion for fitness blogging into a full-time job, I’d like to be my own boss. One of my inspirations is Marc Fitt, what he has accomplished on his own is truly impressive. And he’s French Canadian. so I totally relate to him 😂 (Maple syrup, ketchup chips, poutine, you know 😂😭).

I’m speaking these goals into existence! 🙏🏽

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

Treadmill image by Sport-Tiedje GmbH

“The kettlebell is an ancient Russian weapon against weakness.” Pavel

If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on Facebook.

Before we go into greater detail, here are the 7 reasons I suggest you purchase a kettlebell instead of a treadmill:

Kettlebells Improve both Muscular Strength and Cardiovascular Condition

Kettlebells are More Cost-Effective

Kettlebells have a Small Footprint and are Portable

Kettlebells are Simple & lend themselves to Quick Workouts

Kettlebells are Quiet

Kettlebells allow for a lot of Exercise Variety

Kettlebell workouts are low impact

#1 Kettlebells Improve both Muscular Strength and Cardiovascular Condition

It may seem counter-intuitive, but when you are losing weight, strength training, not cardio training should be your number one exercise priority. For years we have been indoctrinated to believe that to lose weight you have to eat less and move more, but the main flaw with this approach is that even if you do it properly, you will lose muscle mass. If you don’t challenge your muscles, you will lose calorie-burning muscle mass along with the fat which will lead to a fat loss plateau.

Kettlebell workouts can burn as much as 20 calories a minute, depending on your level of effort. Just like running, it is depended on your intensity of effort. If you want to transform your body, replace the mindset that cardio is how you burn fat. Exercise burns fat and strength training helps preserve muscle. Learn more, Why you should prioritize strength training, especially on a diet (UPDATED with FREE workout program log).

#2 Kettlebells are More Cost-Effective

Personal treadmills can range from $500 to $5,000, with the average cost of a well-built treadmill being approximately $2,500. You also have to factor in the cost of purchasing a new pair of running shoes every 6-months as well.

You only need one kettlebell to begin a kettlebell workout routine. I recommend a 15 lbs. kettlebell for women, a 30 lbs. Kettlebell for men. The two kettlebells I recommend cost $25 and $38 respectively. Even if you decide to add additional kettlebells, the cost will never approach that of a treadmill.

#3 Kettlebells have a Small Footprint and are Portable

Unlike a treadmill that will dominate a space, a kettlebell takes up very little space. It can be put in a closet or under a bed. Some treadmills are designed to be folded-up, but I have never seen anyone actually do that between workouts.

Kettlebells are completely portable. On a beautiful day, you can take your kettlebells outside for a workout. You can take it with you on a camping trip or a vacation with your family.

#4 Kettlebells are Simple & lend themselves to Quick Workouts

“Our communist enemies, who are trying to bury us, have exercise breaks instead of coffee breaks.” -Bob Hoffman, York Barbell Club

Kettlebells are very simple. There are no electronics, and there are no belts to maintain. You simply grab it and begin. You don’t need to put on your running shoes, you can perform a lot of movements in your street clothing.

I suggest we take Bob Hoffman’s advise and squeeze in some quick workouts throughout the day. Before I began writing this article, I grabbed my kettlebell, performed 25 swings followed by 50 jumping jacks and then finished with 25 more swings. Our physiology and psychology are linked, so when I want to get my energy up, I like to do something that will get my heart racing for a couple of minutes. Kettlebells make getting in a quick workout very manageable.

Here is a simple workout you can do in under15-minutes:

Beginner Workout: Complete 150 kettlebell swings in as many sets as you need too. When you get tired, rest for 30-60 seconds, then keep swinging and repeat until the 150 repetitions are complete. Once you can complete 150 swings consecutively in a workout, progress to the intermediate level.

Intermediate Workout: complete 300 kettlebell swings in as many sets as you need too. When you get tired, rest for 30-60 seconds, then keep swinging and repeat until the 300 repetitions are complete.

#5 Kettlebells are Quiet

If you are like me, you do most of your cardio workouts in the morning before everyone else is awake. My family would not appreciate me pounding away on a treadmill at 5:00 AM in the morning at all. Kettlebells are noiseless. I typically alternate between my kettlebell and spin bike. Neither makes any noise, and both are low impact. My spin bike has no electronics, so I can hop off, perform 20-30 repetitions of a kettlebell exercise or calisthenics, like mountain climbers, and then hop right back on and resume pedaling.

#6 Kettlebells allow for a lot of Exercise Variety

You can do countless exercises with kettlebells targeting every muscle of the body. You are only limited by your imagination. Kettlebell workouts are simply a lot more fun and enjoyable. You can purchase the exercise chart below for approximately $20.

  You can also find countless exercise videos on YouTube for free. This 20-minute video would be a great one to start with:

  The treadmill was originally invented as a form of punishment for prisoners in the 1800s. It wasn’t popularized for commercial and home use until the 1970s.

#7 Kettlebell Exercise is Low Impact with very little Risk of Overuse Injuries

Unlike running on a treadmill, a kettlebell workout is low impact exercise, and your risk of overuse injuries is very low. You aren’t repeating the same movement pattern thousands of times during a workout like you do with running.

Best Wishes and Best Health!

Change your habits, change your life! Start small, dream big, build momentum.

Learn more, 7 Reasons kettlebell training is perfect for weight loss.

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Are you ready to reboot and reset your relationship with food and exercise? Most programs focus on the mechanics of weight loss but fail to adequately address the psychology of change required. Most people know more than enough about nutrition and exercise to lose weight, but fail to act. This book takes a new approach to getting leaner, fitter, and stronger. 

The Fat Loss Habit: Creating Routines that Make Willpower and Fat Loss Automatic takes a new approach to getting leaner, fitter, and stronger. The program uses high-impact change strategies that make the process of adopting a healthy lifestyle easier. The nutrition and workout program, like the change techniques, have all been proven effective, and are all backed by research and scientific studies.

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“The Kettlebell is an Ancient Russian Weapon Against Weakness.” Pavel Tsatsouline Treadmill image by Sport-Tiedje GmbH “The kettlebell is an ancient Russian weapon against weakness.” Pavel If you enjoy this article, please…

[asterythm]

A is for Amour || Human Error (2)

Pairings: Eventual Logicality, eventual Prinxiety Word Count: 2.5k Chapter Summary: Though rigid schedules may have worked in his favour when it came to essays and science fairs, Logan's plans are ill-equipped to handle a living, breathing human. He finds this out the hard way. Chapter Warnings: “Implied gore mention” is all I can think of for this one. Let me know if I’ve forgotten anything, though! General Warnings: Toxic romantic relationship, abusive Deceit, low self-esteem/self-deprecation, negative thinking

<< First Chapter || Read this chapter on AO3

Logan Berry was just about ready to eat his tie.

Not in the literal sense, of course; Logan was very well aware that cloths and fabrics did not have much nutritional value to them. They’d be difficult to digest, for one, and he didn’t imagine the taste could be too appetizing either. The young man had merely been using figurative language to express irritation.

A little clarity never hurt anybody.

Perhaps it would be simpler to forget about the textile consumption and just put it this way: suffice it to say, anyone looking at Logan now would never be able to guess how excited the boy had been only thirty minutes ago.

Which was a shame, really, considering how rare it was for Logan to get excited about anything nowadays.

It was true, though — Logan had been walking on sunshine for weeks in anticipation of this moment. How could he not? Today was the day of his first-ever session in his new tutoring job; a day he’d spent long days and longer nights preparing for. Logan had even gone so far as to create and rehearse a script that contained everything he intended to say, word-for-word. Every detail he could think of, he had planned, all the way down to the exact outfit he’d wear — a freshly-ironed black polo paired with his best blue necktie was the perfect way to passively say, this young man means business. Knowing how crucial a good first impression would be to their overall success, Logan had done everything in his power to ensure that today’s session would run perfectly. It had taken every second that he could spare (and quite a few that he couldn’t), but he didn’t mind. After all, Logan had been completely convinced that all his efforts were bound to pay off in the end.

Oh, what a fool he’d been.

You see, it was only once Logan was watching this unsettlingly energetic thing come careening around the corner did he realise that in all of his careful planning, he’d forgotten to factor in one major variable: the student himself. And a single glance was all it took for Logan to realise that his mistake would cost him dearly.

Not only is he late, he’s completely out of breath. And he’s not even bothering to hide it… just look at that gaping mouth, Logan’s narrowed eyes had immediately observed. Smudged glasses, uncombed hair, grass-stained sneakers — one of which is untied, mind you — oh, and now he’s gone and sent books flying everywhere.

So much for first impressions, I suppose.

With the introduction of this new limiting factor, the future wasn’t looking too bright, to say the least. But if there was one thing that Logan’s extensive collection of award-winning science fair projects had taught him, it was to never waste time trying to control the uncontrollable. So, notebook clutched in one hand and tenaciously holding back doubts with the other, Logan had launched with great determination into the script that he’d practiced so many times before.

It took all of five minutes to grind that determination into the dust. Every single time he paused for breath, the freckled boy seated crookedly in front of him would take it as an invitation to start chattering away at a speed that would give even the most accomplished of auctioneers a run for their money. Poor Logan could hardly keep up with his student, let alone settle him down long enough to get through even the first paragraph.

Finally, he had been forced to abandon his perfectly-crafted script in favour of a much less elegant approach: a simple and to-the-point list of questions. Though it physically pained Logan to abandon the result of so many tears shed and sleepless nights passed, he’d rather finish things the “alkali way” (or, as the cool kids preferred, the “basic way”) than never finish them at all. And if he’s going to talk anyway, Logan reasoned, I might as well give him something productive to talk about. Surely then we’ll be able to stay on-topic.

No such luck. Logan’s first question got no more than a noncommittal shrug before Parker — or was it Patrick? No, he was quite certain that the boy’s name was Parker — was off again, running his mouth a mile a minute, dropping awful puns and grammatically incorrect sentences all over the previously pristine carpet. The poor librarians would have some cleaning up to do later.

Okay, so plan B didn’t work either. Nothing to worry about, though, Logan pretended to believe. I’ve still got twenty-four letters to get through.

To be fair, Plan C was really more of a coping mechanism than an actual step-by-step plan. A surprisingly effective way of releasing pent-up stress and frustration, this longtime favourite involved imagining, in vivid detail, the source of that frustration being slowly and painfully fed into a running wood chipper.

What?

Some might think this cruel. Logan preferred to call it merciful; after all, at least he was limiting his vengeance to the hypothetical realm. An added bonus was that, in the interest of ensuring the utmost accuracy, it had compelled him to familiarize himself with the inner workings of wood chippers. So really, Plan C was a win-win for all parties involved.

As you might have guessed by now, dealing with annoying people never really had been Logan’s strong suit.

Actually, make that dealing with people in general. In hindsight, signing up to work with Sandford Secondary’s peer-to-peer tutoring program had definitely not been the best idea he’d ever had, in that case. Not because he wasn’t qualified — complex formulas and sentence structure he could handle in his sleep. But teaching those same concepts to a student who apparently had no intention of listening, he most certainly could not.

Really, Logan should have known better than to believe that he could ever be successful in any job that depended so much on one’s ability to work with others. Why couldn’t he have chosen something with more facts and numbers?

Facts and numbers were predictable. They always fit neatly into categories of right or wrong, true or false, black or white. Social interaction was so much messier. With no structure, no set of rules, and no procedure to follow, the whole thing was really nothing more than haphazard guesswork, a real-life game of hangman where every wrong word brings you one pen-stroke closer to game over. Bearing all that in mind, Logan had never understood how some people could so easily waltz up to strangers and just begin “bonding” like it was nothing.

And frankly, he didn’t particularly want to understand. Why would anyone choose to while away their life building those fragile houses of cards; vocabulary cards filled with only empty words? Did no one realise that a single misplaced breath is all would take to knock everything down in an instant? Why waste time trying desperately to convince your peers that you’re worth their love, when you could instead be hard at work earning their respect? In Logan’s experience, relationships of any kind — romantic, platonic, even familial — were always sloppy at best when built on love. Respect, on the other hand… respect was real.

This attitude, by the way, was an entirely objective worldview that had nothing to do with the fact that Logan didn’t exactly have many romantic or platonic relationships to choose from. Correlation, not causation.

Besides. Not that he cared.

Taking a deep breath, Logan forced himself to focus back on the session. (That makes one of us, he couldn’t help thinking.) Speaking of empty words… Parker, or Patrick, or whatever-his-name-was, had somehow been ceaselessly talking about corn for —  Logan checked his watch — over seven minutes now. They were getting nowhere, fast.

If Logan allowed the boy to keep this up, the two of them would end up leaving the library having accomplished absolutely nothing at all. That simply would not do. His student’s attitude may not be ideal, but he’d be damned if he let his own standards slip because of it.

After taking a brief pause to collect himself and his thoughts, Logan stood abruptly, causing the freckled boy to cut himself off mid-sentence.

Slowly, deliberately, he moved to stare out the large windows framing the section of the library where the two of them were seated, so that his back was turned and his face was hidden from the other boy.

Then, voice dripping with contempt, he spoke.

“Let me make one thing clear. I am not here to make friends, and neither should you be. I am here to teach, and as of yesterday, I was under the impression that you are here to learn. However, your behaviour so far has led me to believe that perhaps I was mistaken. For once in my life, I find myself praying that I will be proven wrong.

“Now, I don’t know what kind of merry tomfoolery you were expecting from our session today, but I do know exactly what I was expecting, and exactly what I have prepared for you. And since you clearly do not seem interested in steering this session anywhere productive, I suggest that you hand the reins to me and do exactly as I instruct from here on out. I have prepared a rigid agenda for how we will be spending this time together, and I intend to follow it. I expect you to do the same. Be aware that this agenda includes absolutely no icebreakers; we can’t afford to waste any more of our valuable lesson time, especially not on childish games.

“Starting right now, you will answer my questions so I can develop a plan for what we need to accomplish, and you will answer them without distraction. When you are not answering questions, you will hold your tongue like your entire future depends on it. Because it very well might. Is that understood —” just in time, he suddenly remembered the boy’s name — “is that understood, Patton?”

The following moment of quiet, the first one since Patton had stepped foot in the library, was answer enough for Logan.

“Good. I trust this will not be a discussion that we will need to have again, then.”

With that, Logan returned to his seat, carefully scrutinizing Patton once more to see if he could spot any differences. He didn’t need to try too hard. Patton’s transformation was so drastic, it was almost…  

Unnerving. The vigor from earlier had all but disappeared — thank goodness — but with its departure came a distinct dullness to the eyes framed in those round-rimmed glasses. And where Patton had previously been nearly falling out of his seat with barely contained energy, he now slumped inwards as if the words that Logan had spoken were actually physically crushing him.

At the sight, Logan couldn’t help but feel the tiniest glimmer of guilt. Perhaps he hadn’t needed to lay the scolding on quite so heavily. What if I overdid it?

A second later, Logan remembered he didn’t care.

Excellent. This shall be ideal. The brief moment of weakness over, Logan settled back down into the library’s comfortable couch. “What are your academic strengths?” he read off his notebook.

“Uhh, I’m… nice, sometimes. I guess.”  

Logan let out a deep sigh. A wood-chipper-shaped silhouette flickered in the back of his mind.

Most likely seeing his teacher’s disapproval of the vague answer, Patton hurried to add, “I mean, I can be pretty patient when it comes to worksheets. It always takes a really long time for me to finish my homework, so I… kind of have to be, you know?”

“Hm. Is that it?”

“That’s all I can come up with right now. Um, sorry.”

“I see.” Pencil scratched across paper as Logan scribbled down (a paraphrased version of) Patton’s response. In the otherwise unbroken silence, the sound grated loudly against Logan’s ears. He hurried to finish so he could move on to the next question. “Academic weaknesses?”

This time, Patton’s answered without even a moment’s hesitation. “Focus. Organization. Time management. Anything related to math or numbers, really. I’m not good at taking risks. My work is always sloppy and hard to read. It takes me a long time to wrap my head around new concepts.” He rattled off one item after another, a strange mix of confidence and detachment, almost as if reading off an invisible script that he’d already recited — or heard recited to him — many times before.

Logan wasn’t sure what to say to that. Here was another reason he hated socialising; people always had this odd tendency to hyper-fixate on what needed to be fixed rather than what they already had going for them, a tendency that Logan couldn’t imagine was healthy or even at all helpful. There’s so much beauty mixed in with the bad, and yet you choose to ignore it all? Worst of all, these senseless “social blinkers” meant that Logan had no chance of getting an accurate idea of Patton’s actual strengths and weaknesses. There was no way that every item on that list of shortcomings that Patton had just blazed through could actually apply, right?

Logan decided not to push the question, though; experience had taught him that calling others out on their poor logic didn’t often end well. I’ll just have to figure that part out myself, I suppose. Instead, he adjusted his thick glasses, wrote down one or two items from Patton’s list of weaknesses, and read aloud the next question.

And the next, and the next. They were really tearing through the conversation now; Patton’s answers seemed to get shorter and more succinct with every second that passed. Not that Logan was complaining. In fact, he was nothing but grateful for Patton’s newfound intense focus. It seemed his brief speech had done the trick.

Sooner than expected, a quiet trill interrupted the two of them. He checked his phone to see that his alarm had gone off. The session was over.

Had it really been two hours already? It had felt like so much less than that.

Shutting off the alarm, Logan turned to face his student. “Well, that marks the end of our session. I… appreciated your cooperation, Patton. We may have gotten off to a bit of a rocky start, but your focus in the second half of the session was sufficient to convince me that we won’t have too many problems from here on out.”

This time, Patton said nothing at all, settling instead for a wordless nod.

“Next week, I will have worksheets prepared for you. In the meantime, your homework is to write me a page, single-spaced, telling me a little bit more about short-and long-term educational goals. Full sentences only, please.” Logan flipped his notebook shut. “I look forward to reading your writing for the first time,” he lied.

In response, Patton picked up his backpack and started to walk away. He only made it about three steps, though, before turning back and opening his mouth. Logan waited.

The words never came. After the briefest of pauses, Patton’s mouth closed, lips pressed firmly together, perhaps to suppress whatever he’d been wanting to say.

As watched the child disappear around the corner, a thought arose unbidden:

For some reason, Patton seemed so much smaller leaving the library than he had looked when he was entering.

***

[next chapter]

A/N: Okay. Even though it's only chapter two, I have a LOT to say. Most of this is about the fic in general rather than the chapter, so... it's LONG. I'm sorry. In the interest of not putting you to sleep, let's speed-round this.

The first chapter of AAmour was the very first thing I ever wrote for the Sanders Sides fandom. I based that chapter almost ENTIRELY on a oneshot comic by @the-pastel-peach.

Two months later, I was planning for NaNoWriMo 2018 (a challenge where authors write 50k in 30 days). Long story short, I decided that I'd like to try finishing AAmour.

I didn't.

I did hit 50k, but I only made it to chapter ten. I still want to finish this thing though, so I've decided to edit and post what I already wrote, one chapter a month, and then write the second half of AAmour during NaNoWriMo 2019.

I'm already late with this first chapter because my dumb brain decided I needed to do a complete rewrite a week before posting, but in the future I'd like to post a chapter on the first day of every month.

Almost everything after chapter one is my own work. I say "almost" because I picked @residentanchor's brain a lot during the planning phase.

So yes, I may still be writing a high school AU, but this is no longer @the-pastel-peach​'s high school AU. Besides Logan's last name (I couldn’t resist -- the pun game was too strong) and the first chapter, any similarities to their version of the AU are completely coincidental; in fact, I've barely looked at theirs because I didn't want to risk any subconscious copying.

Also heeeeyyyyyy this is my 200th post that’s pretty nifty--

I think that about covers it. Thank you so, so much for reading -- both the chapter and my ridiculously long author’s note!! See you soon, lovelies. Take care <3

General tag list: @surleytemple @starryfirefliesbloggo @icecoldparadise @lyditist @fandom-random2405 @beach-fan @ihateitwhenyourejustvague @starryeyedhomicide

AAmour tag list: @romanticsanders @thatrandomautist @thelowlysatsuma @mirror2thespirit @pokii-jonas

Let me know if you’d like to be added to or removed from either tag list!