#but i really need to get a professional diagnosis of any possible mental health issue i have

[palettepainter]

GENERAL + COMMISSIONS UPDATE

*Trigger warnings for mentions of depression and mental health overall, read at your own caution*

I have now been working at my new job for just over three weeks now, and while I've settled into the routine, I'm not someone who does especially well with change or other sensory variables such as unexpected noise (which at my work place there can be quite a few). This often leaves me quite exhausted after my shifts, so there is a likely chance there will be a longer wait time on commissions going forward. I don't like to leave people waiting on commissions, so I'm sorry in advance for this, but to prevent from burning myself out from overworking myself sadly this is what needs to be done in order for me to not get overwhelmed, and for my commissions to be finished to the best of my ability

Second order of business relating to commissions! My commissions for May are now closed! Commissions will be opening again in June as per usual, and then in July there will be limited slots. I'll be going away with family again in July to see other relatives, so slots will be limited. When we're closer to July I'll have a clearer idea of how much free time I'll have and how much of it I can reasonable dedicate to commissions

And lastly, on a slightly more serious note, I haven't been doing great..

I had a mental health related phone call at the start of the week, which I knew I would be having, but it was a lot more stressful and saddening then I thought it would be. It's put a lot more questions in my head then it has answers, has opened up the possibility of medication (something I have tried once for anxiety, but stopped once my parents found out), and has even put new possibilities for why I feel the way I do/have that has completely altered the way I now view myself and the way I've been carrying myself for over the past ten years

When I first learnt about depression it was shown as this big scary thing that only really really sad people with horrible lives could have, and so growing up, I didn't think I would ever fall into that group of people. It's a word that's been on my mind for a few years now, but it's never been something I've sought a diagnosis for. Ontop of not having a support circle in place, my parents also have - in a blunt way - a very narrow view of what depression is and who can have it. There views can be summed up as "This person went through something really really bad and now they have depression" so depression has also never been a word I've ever felt safe to really bring into the conversation with my parents (as well as other, more serious mental health issues)

The last time I ever spoke to my parents about mental health, I was told that I had "the easiest fucking life", and that's something I've carried for nearly 8 years. It's the biggest reason why I haven't really sought out a lot of professional help until last year, and even then I still believed I didn't really have it bad enough beyond very high anxiety

The call I had said that depression could very well be a possibility...and that really hurt to hear

I don't know if it was my parents, if it was my teachers at school, if it's the whole image we've built around depression that you need to be "broken" in order to be depressed - but being told I had the easiest life, being told indirectly I didn't have it bad enough, going all these years building up walls and rules and routines and all the emotions with it thinking I didn't have it bad enough.

To then be told I maybe COULD have been depressed all this time kind of fucks with your head

(I do want to make this especially clear that you don't need to have it "bad enough" in order to be depressed, anxious or with any other mental issue/disorder. Yes you can be in a bad situation, or go through a bad situation/s, but there is no ultimate "bad enough" scenario.)

If I've been posting random, small vent-ish related posts (I made one about gathering incorrect quotes for OC's as a form of self care recently) it's because outside of my socials it's been a very scary and confusing week. Home and my family are not places or people I feel emotionally safe to talk to about these issues, hence why I had the phone call in the first place, but obviously I can't be on the phone talking to a doctor/professional all the time, so any confusion, bitterness or any other feeling that's bringing me down I've been focusing on my art. I've been thinking it's not good enough lately, or it's not getting as many likes or comments compared to other artists, or that people don't like it at all

I have another phone call scheduled in the next few months, and with what I was told from the first one I had, I'm very anxious for the second one. This is something I'm doing entirely on my own, the reason I'm even writing as much as I am is because my tumblr is the only place in which no body from my family knows of. This is an update yes but it's also a way for me to unload everything that I've been wanting to talk about without directly putting myself in an awkward situation at home.

Hopefully, if anyone with similar experiences is reading, could you offer some advice? Or just reassurance?? I'd really like to know that this isn't a unique experience and that other people have gone through this and survived. This is all very scary and new, I might come back and censor or cutt all of this later, I don't really know how to end this off neatly after such a heavy update, but yeah.

Art may be slow, I've been posting for the sake of posting mostly because I don't want to leave you guys with nothing for who knows how long. But I think I might take a break from posting/messaging for a few days, I truthfully don't feel great, and that's not an attitude I want to have when I'm creating

If you made it to the end of the post thank you for reading this far and sorry it was a bit of a downer

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: INFJ. I experienced childhood trauma (verbal, emotional, physical, sexual) and have a lot of difficulty with learning due to issues with concentration and memory. I also have issues with emotional dysregulation and poor sleep. I've received C-PTSD as a diagnosis, with BPD traits (I think something in the ballpark of BPD may run in my family).

During conversations I'm often only really attending to 10-50% of what is said but can usually interpolate due to redundancy. However, during technical lectures or other situations with much lower redundancy, I'm totally lost. I believe this is one factor preventing me from achieving my full potential. In my current state I'm still capable of making a good living and living a comfortable life, but I know there is far more I can achieve.

In the near term I plan to focus on Fe/Ti - emotional intelligence, social skills, and also developing Ti expertise in a specific topic aligned with my Ni vision via the right set of Fe commitments and collaborations - while sidestepping the poor concentration issue for now. I can see that sufficient prior expertise (Ti) on a conversation/lecture topic also helps to compensate for the concentration issues. You gave me similar advice (let Ti do the heavy lifting) a couple years ago.

However, in the long run, if I really want to achieve my full potential, I can see that I'll need to directly address my concentration difficulties and other ways in which I believe trauma has stalled Se development.

Do you have any thoughts on how to restore my ability to be present and learn more effectively? As of now, as part of my general healing process, I'm focusing on building healthy interpersonal relationships (likely just platonic in the near future, in part because I'm not sure if I'm currently capable of having sex), emotional regulation, learning how to drive (which I've avoided due to my poor concentration, but maybe I'll be forced to improve out of necessity), and martial arts.

I may also undergo physical therapy to be able to get a Pap smear done (as of now it's seemingly not possible due to anxiety). I also believe that the memories of the worst trauma are repressed, and am considering psychedelics and EMDR to uncover and process these memories, which perhaps could be necessary to fully heal and address my concentration and memory issues.

I've had very poor experiences with psychiatry and clinical psychology (misdiagnosis, gaslighting, fraud, and shocking levels of incompetence) so am not super eager to engage with that system again, though I'm reading the DBT manual currently and also deriving my own personal principles for emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness (the latter I find to be easier, likely due to my Se issues).

I know you're likely going to say that I should consult a mental health professional, but I respect your judgment way more than any of the ones I've worked with. Also, an implicit assumption I'm making here is essentially equating focus/concentration/memory with Se, which may be inaccurate. Finally, I can't thank you enough for this blog. It's been lifechanging, to say the least.

Also, another assumption here is that trauma is the cause of the concentration and memory issues - that's my current hypothesis but I could certainly be wrong. My mom (who I think also has BPD traits) frequently complains about her difficulty concentrating. It's possible she also experienced trauma, or maybe it's genetic. No one has been willing to diagnose me with ADHD due to no evidence of learning issues in childhood. BPD dissociation could ultimately be the best explanation.

---------------------

Poor concentration is a lot like a sore throat, in that it can be a symptom of a great many things. By itself, it doesn't tell you a lot. The underlying cause could be relatively simple like poor physical health, or it could be a psychological issue like C-PTSD, or it could be a very complicated combination of factors working together, each needing their own solution. Let's unpack:

1) Physical Health: Brain functioning is heavily dependent upon physical health. Without a healthy body to support the brain, you won't possess enough energy and will to perform the executive function tasks you need for self-management and self-improvement. You mentioned poor sleep. A well-rested mind is essential for good concentration and quality sleep is essential for efficient memory consolidation.

Your brain is a physical object that requires physical care and maintenance. Without a nutritious diet, quality sleep, adequate exercise and blood flow, and proper stress/illness management, brain operation suffers. Therefore, improving mental health should always begin with improving your physical habits, establishing healthy physical routines, and maintaining work-life balance. Improving physical health also goes a long way to improving emotional regulation.

2) Mental Health: Yes, trauma can interfere with focus and memory operations, but this doesn't mean it's the cause, so I wouldn't be so quick to jump to that conclusion. Focus and memory issues aside, it is generally important to your well-being to be mentally healthy, so you need to address your mental health issues in a timely manner.

You mention three issues: C-PTSD due to a history of abuse, BPD traits, and emotional dysregulation. It's often the case that these three things are interrelated, but it's important to know for sure by getting properly checked out by a mental health professional.

There is a good chance that DBT will be an effective treatment for these three issues because it teaches you how to manage emotions better. But I suggest that you work with a DBT specialist rather than go it alone. The presence of BPD traits makes it likely that you have difficulty being objective about yourself, so going it alone could inadvertently lead you straight into Ti loop if you're not careful (assuming you're not already there). Due to the necessity of Fe development, it is vital that you have an objective person to reflect important truths back to you.

Every profession has its fair share of duds and bad apples. Not everyone graduates with honors, after all. I understand that you've had negative experiences with professionals and I can only reiterate that it's important to keep shopping around until you find the right fit. Being much more specific about the problem/issue you want to address can help you narrow down the search.

3) Learning and Improvement: You are drawn to my blog and its ideas about type development. While lack of presence may be an indication of Se misuse, the solution isn't as simple as developing Se. You're not anywhere near ready to develop the inferior function, and fixating on it is likely to be harmful.

In INFJs, lack of presence isn't directly caused by Se. It's more likely to be related to maladaptive Fe. When INFJs aren't able to handle the intense feelings and emotions that Fe opens them up to, they tend to develop a habit of detaching from the world and retreating into their own self-created world through Ni-Ti loop. Detachment means you separate yourself from reality, and lack of presence is one common symptom of that.

You can't be fully present and learn well when you're not learning for the sake of learning but rather treat learning merely as a means to some other, more unconscious end. When there's a lot happening in the unconscious, especially if you have a long running habit of repressing feelings and emotions, you're being driven by dark forces. If this is true for you, your real potential isn't to be found in learning or "intelligence" but rather in honesty and becoming more self-aware, i.e., facing up to the things that haunt you, which goes back to point #2 about getting proper therapy to address your trauma.

You seem very motivated to improve yourself and your life, which is generally a good thing. However, this motivation should be closely examined in INFJs because they often suffer from perfectionism and use "self-improvement" to feed unhealthy control issues. In other words, their motives can be suspect. You say you're not living up to your "full" potential, e.g., you should be able to focus better, be more present, remember more, perform better, etc, but is this really true? Says who? Who is the one defining this notion of "potential"? What are you really aiming for and why? What does "full" mean, i.e., at what point does it end?

At some point, if you ever hope to be at peace, you have to accept the reality of your limitations and be content in who you are, as is. Are you happy with yourself and who you are? Is your quest for self-improvement motivated by love of yourself, love of life, and love of others? Or is it fueled by ego, illusion, insecurity, guilt, shame, or self-loathing? It is very important to answer these questions honestly. Attempting self-improvement with unconscious intentions can lead to undesirable consequences. It sounds like you're trying to do way too much at once, which is usually a warning sign. Biting off more than you can chew is a very good way to choke.

Your thinking is messy and confused. You've taken the above three points and mashed them together. Despite what you believe about them being related, they are distinct issues that each need proper attention. I've separated them out for you and numbered them in order of importance. Slow down, prioritize the issues in the right order, and take things one SMALL step at a time.

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

How do I know if I'm autistic?? Like I can relate to almost everything that ppl talk about in autism, I googled symptoms and stuff and I check off most of the list but idk it kinda sounds like it's just me thing, doesn't have to be autism. Maybe I am just like that, or uk it's just my anxiety issues getting in the way or smthm

/disclaimer: of course not everything I say will relate to every autistic person as we are all different. If you feel as though you are experiencing symptoms that are damaging your daily life then you should see a doctor if possible.

Well, autism is something that usually affects every aspect of your life. Your personality, your childhood upbringing, your mental health, your social life, your eating habits, your interests, how you go at work, etc.

I feel like knowing if you are autistic or not is just a decision you come to when you are ready (while doing research). You'll need to have patience with yourself (which is annoying, I know).

There is no set blood test, no brain scan, etc, that alone can diagnose you with autism. Even doctors are just doing quizzes and tests based on your answers. So, even medically there's not really any 100% fool-proof way to know. It's just something that you have to decide on your own. Do you relate to enough traits? Do you feel as though the label works for you?

BUT - The thing is, you don't need to be certain to start improving your life.

The end-goal of a diagnosis is finding ways to support you, based on that diagnosis. If things that help autistic people help you, then that's great! You don't need to be sure that you are autistic to try tips meant for autistic people and improve your life.

Before I got professionally diagnosed (a few months ago), and before I was certain in my self diagnosis, I was still using techniques meant for autistic people to help myself. And part of the reason I became more confident in my self diagnosis was because these tips/techniques helped me so much.

The kind of tips I'm talking about are things like:

experimenting with stimming and seeing how it makes you feel.

trying to reduce noise and other sensory input and seeing how it makes you feel.

trying to un-mask in safe spaces and seeing how I feel.

letting myself be picky with food and textures and seeing how I feel.

So, basically, your self diagnosis is just something you need to give yourself more time to be confident in. It can take a long time for autistic people to come to a big decision like that. We are generally cautious and thoughtful, and want to be accurate, so it takes time.

But in the mean time, experiment with techniques as if you were autistic and see how you feel. There's nothing to lose!

I also feel like the more you pressure yourself to be confident in your self diagnosis, the more doubts will begin to arise.

It can also help to keep a google doc, or a journal, of autistic traits you experience, and how often. Or keep links/screenshots to posts by autistic people you relate to. Seeing the evidence add up in a visual space can really help you to feel more confident in your self diagnosis.

And I think that's all I've got to say! I hope this helps :) Thank you for being my first ask :0

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen!! I’ve recently realized that I have an extreme fear of intimacy and am very emotionally unstable. This realization is making a lot of things about me and my life make sense, but I’m not really sure about how to move forward and get better? I want to be able to have relationships in the future but It’s something I truly can’t imagine is possible for me if I don’t try to get better. Do you have any advice for this?

p.s. I just want to say that I really appreciate you doing what you do. I can’t imagine how taxing it can be to constantly console people all the time, thank you for being someone we can turn to.

I am going to respond to the last part first. (the PS)  Thanks for letting me know my blog helps in some way to create a place where you feel like you can reach out. Don’t worry about me. I am pretty good at balancing life with online life and taking breaks when I need to rest my heart and brain. I have lots of support to talk through things and hash out my ideas and feelings. My crunchy granola hippy (said with affection) calls me an Extraverted  Empath and told me my Dad was the same way. Basically, I don’t get exhausted from consoling or supporting those in distress like others, instead I thrive on it. 

A first step in getting your mental health in balance is to recognize you might have some struggles. The second step it so get an official diagnosis or evaluation. Do not rely on google or the internet or even friends/family to tell you what the issues are that you are dealing with. Seek some professional help. IF you have insurance or live in a state where therapy is affordable please seek out a good fit. Do not be afraid to “interview” possible candidates and ask for what you want. IF you want a female who is between 40 and 60, you have the right to ask for that. If you prefer a different demographic advocate for who it is you think will best suit your needs.

If you begin therapy and it is not a good fit, any decent doctor will be happy to give you a referral to someone else. Good therapists recognize they might not be everyone’s cup of tea. Once you get a therapist she can help you get an evaluation through referrals to a larger hospital or mental health facility. It is highly possible there is no “firm” or specific diagnosis. But narrowing down your struggles can be very helpful to you and to your counselor. 

If you cannot afford therapy, inquire at a local University or non profit medical center (hospital) to see if they offer free help for those who can’t pay. Contact your state's social services and ask for help. Social workers know their way around the medical system. Most hospitals have social workers who can help with paperwork etc. It is their job.

There are, of course, some self help videos, youtube channels, books and other resources that you can research. My rule of thumb is the more simple the better and anything you can do to help gain tools to tackle one symptom at a time is good. For instance, if you are really struggling with holding a job, look into that one specific thing. If you have social anxiety and feel like it is holding you back from friendships, work on that. You might not be able to do enough self help to treat the WHOLE you but you can do little things to ease the symptoms of the greater illness. 

Check into Holistic Chiropractic care. I know, I know. Crunch Granola. But getting adjusted, having your physical body feel better can be a real thing. It can truly help you get into a better mental state when your body is better. Often, and this is a proven fact, our bodies react to our mental distress so then we end up struggling with mental AND physical discomfort.  However, Chiropractors are not for everyone. Mine has helped me greatly for almost 20 years. You can get a massage, do yoga, work on your posture or get a decent pair of shoes and go for some walks. Anything you can do to help your body recover from any mental trauma or pain is helpful in your overall attempt to feel better. 

Keep in mind. You do not have to be “fixed” or in some perfect mental state of calm and collected to be deserving of a relationship.  You must be aware of how your mental health affects others and how your actions/reactions can manifest. You can learn tools to form more appropriate responses to stress or triggers. Most mental illnesses are not really going to be “cured” but instead we must understand that others should not necessarily have to learn to work around our issues but we can learn skills so we can live in the world with greater comfort and ease. 

I hope this helps a bit. I would include links but everything is so regionally/state/country based when it comes to mental illness. If you search articles to get information check scientifically published journals over “opinion” pieces and check sources for opinion pieces for validity. If looking into government services make sure the website is .gov otherwise there are a ton of bad sites who offer to help for a “fee” but you get the same help for free at government sites.   You don’t need a middleman to obtain social or university or non profit help. 

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi, you need to tell me if I am petty, but I am really angry about what happened this weekend.

Tw abuse and maybe ableism

I have cptsd from my parents abuse, mainly my moms, but we still have contact and she doesn't know about my diagnosis and would never accept it. I was only able to go to therapy after I moved out, and she was very angry at first but kinda became ok with it. In her mind it is "my child is somehow damaged from birth, there has absolutely nothing gone wrong in her childhood. " I see no use in telling her the truth, she wouldn't believe me anyways. But because of my illness, I never started working after college. My mom always said, "Try this, try that," but now she has accepted that I can't work at the moment.

I have a great therapist, and my long-term goals are to get healthy enough for a fairly "normal" life, including work. I mean, it is common cptsd and not some mysterious illness that can't be treated.

I visited my mom this weekend and she told me about a friends child who's my age, who quit her new job (she never stayed anywhere long) because she just doesn't have the spoons for working full time. She also has mental issues but very different ones than mine (I don't have the full picture and it isn't really any of my business) And she and her mom are now trying to get her registered as disabled, so that she would get financial benefits from the state. And my mom suggested I should do this too, since "You will be never able to work". And in my mind I got really angry. I am only mentally ill for so long because A she abused me and B she forbid me to see a therapist earlier. Maybe I could have a normal life, if I started therapy in my teenage years. While there are pros and cons to being registered as disabled in my country, I know a few people who are, I am afraid it would take away my credibility. And as someone abused who tried to tell adults over and over as a child and has never been believed "because you are a mentally ill child" my credibility is very important to me. I am very shocked about my moms 180, from "just lazy" to "should be registered as disabled", and angry that she made up a story in her head, why I am ill, that has nothing to do with her. And now, around 6 weeks after she accepted that I am ill, decided for me that I will be disabled for the rest of my life? I think that is mainly it. She doesn't know much about me (because I always had to lie) and not much about my daily life, since I moved out, but she decided that she knows best. Just like in my childhood, when everyone knew better than I, what's the best for me.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. It's frustrating that your mom seems to avoid accountability for how she is responsible for your current state, so please know that your feelings about this are completely valid.

Whether or not you register as disabled should be up to you at the end of the day. There are pros and cons to both choosing for or against it. The stigma is a genuine concern, and although obviously being disabled or mentally ill doesn't inherently impact your credibility, it doesn't change how you may be perceived differently.

Trauma is lifelong, and depending on how much it impacts you it could render you disabled for the rest of your life, but it's not impossible to heal from your experiences and reach a place where you may not feel the need to consider yourself disabled. It's mainly up to what you feel your needs are.

It sounds like this interaction with her has brought up previous instances where you relied on, maybe not so much external validation, but being made to rely on others to decide what's best for you, when in reality you know yourself best. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could help you process your experiences, your relationship with your mom, as well as help you explore the possibility of identifying as disabled if that interests you. If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[not-gray-politics]

I think it's really important to understand the differences between self diagnosis and speculation.

Speculation is seeing a pattern of symptoms and saying "I might have this", or "this seems like a possibility" and looking into it further. Speculation is healthy and a good way to find resources that may help you, like mental health professionals who specialize in the type of disorder you think you may have or techniques for managing symptoms you may happen to have in common.

Speculation can also appear as saying "I'm mentally ill" or "I'm neurodivergent" instead of "I have [insert disorder]". I encourage that! It's like the difference between telling people you're sick or disabled, and telling people, publicly, that you have a very specific bone disease. One of those things has a LOT more risks to it than the other. I myself am mentally ill, without a diagnosis. I'm equipped to make that judgement! I know that I have a lot of childhood trauma and that I have a repeated set of symptoms I've been experiencing since i was about 10. Being mentally ill is broad and able to be discovered with little research or training. I am not, however, equipped to make the judgement that I 100% for certain have the things I speculate as possibilities, like ptsd or mdd or social anxiety. I can look into it, I can research the symptoms I share with them and how I can handle them better, but I cannot go around speaking for those communities.

Self diagnosis is claiming to have a disorder with full confidence and certainty, with no professional opinion on the matter. It is making unchecked medical claims about yourself (and often the disorder). I consider myself anti-self-diagnosis because the misinformation I've seen spread about disorders online is GENUINELY harmful and dangerous. Shit like "you can give other people DID by thinking really hard and putting your alters in their brain" and "therapy will kill your alters". Shit like "I drank green smoothies and my depression went away and that means you can cure yours too if you buy my smoothie book for 39.99". That kind of shit. On LARGE SCALE platforms too. I've heard people in-person claim they "cured" their self-diagnosed mental disorders with prayer or going outside or diet scams or whatever. It's pseudoscience. They're not making mental healthcare more accessible, they're cluttering the online landscape up with misinformation that makes good resources harder to find than they already were for mentally ill people and make mental health education more confusing and stigmatized for the general public.

Conflating harmless speculation and full on self diagnosis gives people, including ableists like the ones mentioned in the original post, excuse to to treat them on equal grounds. It conflates anti-therapy, anti-science rhetoric with people who are just looking for resources that can help them, or people who want therapy but aren't in a financial position to be able to receive it because of how fucked our healthcare system is in the US atm (I'm in that boat rn). It leads a lot of people to fall into one of two sides of an extreme, either "You can't even breathe in the direction of possibly suspecting you might be mentally unwell or you're the same as alternative medicine antivaxxers" or "All mental health science is a scam and you should diagnose yourself with whatever you want and take your medical advice from discord messages instead of licensed professionals", rather than focusing on the actual issue at hand: The issue that mental healthcare and education needs to be more accessible, affordable, and regulated. This wouldn't be a debate at all if it were. Getting diagnosed should never have had a paywall in the first place. Let's advocate for changing that instead of talking about whether or not it's ok to go around telling people that you have a chronic disability without any medical opinions. Maybe we should just be trying to make it easier to get those medical opinions so people aren't left guessing for themselves.

a while ago i attended this lecture on autism. guy in the audience said he had many of the symptoms that were presented and asked what should he do to get treatment and possibly a diagnosis. instead of answering his question the psychologist went on a tangent about how “the clinic reigns all powerful over guesswork”, and how actually it has become a trend amongst little children on the internet to claim that they are autistic for cool points, and that this hurts real autistic people. no she didn’t tell him how to get his symptoms looked into, she just made it very clear that to her, aknowledging your own symptoms is bad and evil and hurts the poor real mentally ill people.

an ex-friend of mine, then a psychology major and by now probably a full psychologist, once lectured me on how horrible and bad it was that i told her “i probably have some sort of neurodivergency”, and that if i were her patient she would never give me a diagnosis because “you aren’t like this now, but i know that if you get a diagnosis you’ll use it as an excuse to start treating people badly. that’s just how mentally ill people are.”

same ex-friend was extremely disgusted when she found out that fans sometimes make neurodivergency headcanons for characters that have the same symptoms as they do, and that authors sometimes write books with neurodivergent protagonists in stories that don’t focus on that (ex: she seemed horrified that percy jackson has adhd?)

multiple psychologists i’ve seen on facebook agree that they should refuse to treat patients that say “i’m here because i have symptoms of a disorder and wonder if i have it”, and that a patient should arrive to a psychologist as a blank slate.

school psychologist asked me how i was feeling about my trauma situation and i told him i thought my friends would leave me. instead of addressing the issue he said that that no i didn’t, that i was lying, that i had searched “bpd symptoms” online and now i was faking symptoms because i wanted to have bpd, that he shouldn’t have told me he suspected i had a personality disorder because now look what was happening. no, i didn’t search bpd symptoms online. yes, my friends left me, it was a completely founded belief and not a symptom, let alone a faked symptom.

so the next time you hear someone saying they’re “anti self-diagnosis” i want you to understand what they’re saying. what they’re saying is:

- i don’t want people to be aware of their own symptoms

- i don’t think my patients should have access to any information that doesn’t come from me

- i don’t think neurodivergent people should learn how to cope with their symptoms and live “normal” lives

- i think neurodivergent people should be denied a diagnosis because the moment they get one they will become evil and dangerous

- i don’t think people who don’t look like a stereotype could possibly be neurodivergent, even if they have all the symptoms, so i think they are faking it for attention and should be denied treatment

[serenemy]

this entry was so anachronistic it was preserved at the [redacted] as possible evidence of life on other worlds:

“one of the first cases that opened my eyes about ptsd involved the big sky state’s very own jeffrey epstein. some of those girls went voluntarily and they still got ptsd. i was shamed into recognizing that when the defense experts all agreed that some of the girls (not all of them but the ones who mattered to me because [redacted]) did indeed have verifiable ptsd that they should be compensated for

this was a good ol boys state, legal system etc and those were hired gun defense experts. consider the possibility that maybe not even all of the girls’ own attorneys thought they could have “ptsd” from choices they made voluntarily

and those hired gun medical experts were like nope, a fair number of these are in fact real, measurable ptsd and they not only need damages for the ptsd, they need damages to leave this community behind forever because that is the only way they can get over this very real medical condition

tangentially: that part of it was also a before and after moment for me. even if one could theoretically hold fast to beliefs about personal responsibility and agency, one couldn’t reasonably fault the girls for the way the community treated them afterward imo. i was open to the possibility the girls weren’t victims. i wasn’t open at all to the possibility they were affirmatively guilty of anything. if they had ptsd from the way the community reacted that was clearly in my mind a proper element of damages if the jury found liability

this is one of the reasons statutory rape laws make sense: adults should foresee those consequences to the kids and recognize the immorality of proceeding. even if the kids in their own minds at the time think they’re consenting or plan to consent and then change their minds at the last minute

anyway the next big insight was another different case years later. a relatively minor motor vehicle incident occurred. plaintiff was a passenger and suffered a small and fully healed injury that may have not even kept her out of work iirc. but she claimed ptsd. there was concern any meaningful recovery rested entirely on ptsd for what sounded on paper like a minor accident and small injuries

but no, the expert concurred with the diagnosis and when my colleague came back from an in person meeting with her, his assessment was: don’t worry, the damages are there

you have to listen to people. she had a bad feeling in her gut the whole trip. she didn’t trust the guy’s driving and she didn’t trust the vehicle and she was hating herself and the decision to come. and that morning was the worst. the feeling in her gut was reaching panic levels. and sure enough

i don’t recall all the details now of why the accident was more traumatic from her perspective than what it seemed on paper. i think i remember she really did think she was going to die. the writer can fill in the rest. imagine she soiled herself and had to spend hours in that state dealing with cops and medical personnel and this guy and having to rely on this guy now because she’s so shaken she can’t function well enough to get back home without him. etc

the medical experts were doing a better job of getting to the Stories than the story teller

around this time i held a dying beloved cat in my arms while she died under circumstances so horrific i have never been able to speak it to other people. or write it. it would be evil to do so because it would make your life worse forever having heard it

and i had symptoms for quite a long time i recognized from legal work as ptsd. i thought of it as “mild ptsd,” which seemed logical and reasonable under the circumstances, and went about my ways

later various mental health professionals including the neuropsych would ask me about trauma and i was always like yes there are some things but i really feel like if this is about trauma, then it’s about trauma from the medical issues themselves, the way my family reacted after i got sick and spoke out during metoo, and the impairment of my relationship with [redacted]—not all this past stuff

i don’t think i really opened my eyes to longer standing things until after i wrote this. i’m still processing. i only recently started reading the hard copy of my neuropsych report. my new docs are still reading it. i’m definitely going to pursue the type of counseling they recommend. one thing that’s occurred to me is the parallels in my own life to that old case:

i really don’t think that stranger assault gave me ptsd. i remember being enraged that i needed to experience trauma in order for a violation of my bodily integrity to be treated as a serious crime. must a man demonstrate trauma for a violation of his most private orifice to be considered a crime?? genuinely curious how many people see it as a more serious transgression irrespective of trauma if it happen to a man

in any event, it was the way my dad reacted to me telling the story of that assault during me too that might have caused ptsd. that was over the exact same time that i was becoming so sick. and it fits so well those expert’s opinions in that old case. sometimes it’s not just the event itself that causes the trauma but the way people react

but what i had never thought of before that post—because even recently i guess i was still too conditioned to see it as “letting it happen”—is that the incident in my own house might be a source of trauma. that feels right. because writing that was a before and after moment for me. i hated that experience so so much and i think on some level i’ve been hating myself for it all these years: you fucking PUSSY!! you couldn’t even stop it in your own house with family a scream away? [i know it’s a gendered insult. is the rest of the sentence??]

now i think i’m angry at society

but literally tomorrow i could have some whole new and different insight

i’m cookie dough in an old witch’s body. sometimes it happens that way. yes i get sad about it. you shouldn’t. i’m still a very creative Writer and you haven’t heard how the story turns out”

[sophieinwonderland]

@juniper-bunch

Thanks for the links!

Before I go into them, I think it's important to establish what we're talking about when we discuss non-traumagenic systems.

Because a majority do not have or claim to have DID or a mental disorder. Only a singular symptom. That being the plurality.

For this reason, sources only saying DID is caused by trauma aren't really relevant to the issue.

But I want to go a bit further into these because there are some other issues I have with these particular sources beyond the scope.

Besides only focusing on DID, this is a blog. It says "blog" in the address bar.

And going over the article, it's not even clear whose blog it is. Was this article written by a doctor, or merely a random survivor? If it's the latter, is it actually anymore valuable than a Tumblr post?

To be fair, they do provide some academic sources for some things, but I didn't see any for the claims about a traumagenic cause being present in 100% of cases. (Though for the record, studies into DID at least show trauma in upwards of 90% of cases.) Typically, when doctors talk about DID, they're careful enough with their words to say that DID is "virtually always" caused by trauma or is heavily associated with trauma or similar language.

Again, this is irrelevant because DID being traumagenic or not doesn't really matter since you don't need DID to be a system. Just wanted to point out some flaws in using this.

Also, to be clear, a blog post isn't inherently bad on its own if the blog belongs to an expert or is quoting experts directly. But this isn't doing either. There's no evidence it's ran by an expert and it has no quotes. (Or at least not relevant ones to this topic.)

The next link is to Quora...

Which is just notoriously bad. But don't take my word for it. Listen to the users...

As for the link you posted, most of those answers aren't from professionals. The top one is a patient who says their psychologist said so, but it's hearsay.

The next one claims to be a registered nurse, but studying physical health isn't a substitute for a background in psychology.

Some of the answers, like this one, are just straight-up misinformation:

While trauma is mentioned in DSM-5 as a risk factor, it's NOT part of the criteria.

This is the actual criteria from the current DSM-5:

And this is where trauma is mentioned:

The 90% statistic is huge, especially when it doesn't cover all types of trauma, but at no point does it say you can't have DID without trauma at all.

Finally, there's the Rethink link.

This runs into the same problem as Beauty and Bruises where there's no name on it. Who wrote this? Whose opinion is it?

And they again don't source their claims. The whole trauma line is just that some researchers say it.

It doesn't cite those researchers or say what this is based on.

All in all, this is just not a very useful source.

Round up

All in all, these sources don't address the existence of endogenic systems at all because they never discuss non-disordered systems. They're focused entirely on DID.

But even as sources to prove DID itself is caused by trauma, I don't consider any of the three links particularly reliable for that purpose.

There's no indication who wrote these article or what their credentials are. Nor is there evidence of a review process by experts.

Hi, we wanted to ask why you target anti endos so much (you know, traumatized people) instead of just existing in your own space and we exist in ours? We don’t mean any harm, just a genuine question we have. Like, what’s your thought process? Can that be explained please?

Because hate and ignorance are infections and if you allow them to fester, the consequences can be disastrous.

And because, like it or not, we all share the same space...

More than ever, in such an interconnected world, separate spaces don't actually exist. There are, at best, isolated spaces where you can spread a ton of hate, but that hate is going to spill out and end up hurting people who aren't in those spaces, just as it did with Aimkid.

Or more recently, the Yaelokre server:

In my opinion, separate spaces are a myth. You can try to divide them for a time, but there will always be spillover.

Besides that... my end goal is conquering that globe.

I have this dream. A dream of a world that's aware and accepting of all types of plurality. It will be slow going and we'll need a lot of support to get there. And people need to be able to feel hope that it can and will happen.

I'm not sure how common knowledge it is in anti-endo circles, but if you've seen people saying "the future is plural," that started right here with me on this blog. (As far as I know. I suppose others could have said it first.)

But getting to that acceptance means we can't be content in staying in our own isolated corners. It's not viable for the future we want to build.

And when pondering the path to that future, one of the things I've thought a lot about is the response certain firsts will get.

If Aimkid faced such harassment just being an influencer with a moderate following for being a pro-endo traumagenic system, can you imagine the harassment that the first real celebrity to support endogenic systems, or even to come out as an endogenic system themselves, will have to endure?

What will the response be to the first scripted television show that explicitly acknowledges endogenic plurality by name as a real phenomenon? (I mean, the Chicago Med tulpa episode did that with tulpas but slipped under anti-endo radar since anti-endos don't watch Chicago Med.)

Currently, the science and opinions of doctors is overwhelmingly on the pro-endo side.

But it means nothing if that knowledge never breaches the spaces where it's needed most to correct misinformation.

For example, did you know that Stanford University funded an fMRI study into tulpamancers, taking scans of their brains during switching and possession? (Possession is a tulpamancy term for taking control of the body or part of the body without fully switching into front.)

There was an AMA a few months ago about this on r/tulpas.

The budget for the fMRI study was about $50k not counting the pay of the researchers.

This does a pretty good job illustrating how much interest there is in tulpamancy and endogenic plurality that they were willing to invest so much into this project.

And the study actually found neurological changes during possession!

But if you go into most anti-endo spaces, they'll tell you that this research doesn't exist. That not only does the science not support endogenic plurality, but that absolutely nobody is researching it because it's not real.

And they're able to claim that because they don't bother looking, never listen to the other side, and refuse to accept anything that contradicts their worldview.

These studies are real though, they're being conducted as we speak, and we're going to see far more of them in the future!

Where we are right now though, all three of the creators of the theory of structural dissociation could release a joint statement with the ISSTD that endogenic systems are real and valid tomorrow, and anti-endos would not hear about it in their echo chambers.

In short, I target anti-endos because lies will prevail wherever truth cannot breach.

[xelles-archive]

what the-

i'm never going to get professionally diagnosed

[copperbadge]

1 of 2. Hi Sam - good morning! Re anxiety & ADHD. As a long-time clinical psychologist and experiencer of anxiety I would say that there is somewhat of a difference between the anxiety disorders identified in DSM such as GAD, (they typically address excessive/unrealistic/unwarranted worry/anxiety/fear) and the stress/anxiety that comes from knowing we are not managing to do the things necessary to keeping our life running smoothly because of, for example, ADHD. Of course, someone can experience

both at the same time. Typically, what we do about them differs a bit. For the excessive worry of GAD, we might help people change their relationship to worry thoughts so they're less dominated by them and they do less to 'fuel them.' With the stress of struggling with managing life tasks, we might use meds or behavioral strategies to increase ability and/or find ways of reducing life demands - to the extent that's possible in a capitalist society :(

Turns out I can't write the letters DSM without adding a disclaimer! DSM treats a complex biopsychosocial experience like anxiety a bit like it's measles - like it's a disease which we have or don't have: not my experience personally or professionally, & the data around many mental health issues suggests they're dimensional rather than categorical & they have complex, interactional risk factors to varying degrees. DSM may have some utility but it's not 'the truth.'

Yikes, I just found this in my drafts after having lost it for like...I think a couple of weeks at least, sorry Anon that I did not respond sooner. If it’s any consolation there’s at least one ask in my inbox from 2014. 

What you’re saying about GAD vs. bog-standard “something’s wrong in my life” anxiety makes a lot of sense, and is kind of how I was looking at it, I think, but I’m not sure I was vocalizing it well. What was throwing me for a loop was the evaluator saying that I had really severe levels of anxiety, something that was worrying to her in a clinical sense -- GAD never really came up as a term, it was just what I had to go on when I got off the zoom call with her and googled about it. (She was very clear to state that while I had anxiety surrounding social situations she was not offering a diagnosis of Social Anxiety, both parts of which I agree with.) Of course it’s hard to know when you’re sitting in it whether what you’re feeling is unwarranted, but I felt like what worry I do feel is generally legit. I’ve been able to identify “Hey you’re freaked out about nothing” before, including times I couldn’t stop freaking out about nothing, but that seemed to me to be evidence I had a sense of scale, and it was never chronic. 

These last few days, having shoveled out from under a bunch of stuff, I’ve been unsettled about the fact that there are periods of time when I don’t need to be doing anything. There’s stuff I could be doing, my to-do list isn’t empty, but none of it is catch-on-fire urgent the way much of my life has chronically been. I’m just so conditioned to having forgotten to do stuff and/or having stuff I know I should be doing that when I am permitted by circumstances to just sit and vegetate, I’m extremely bad about accepting it. Reading is helping, since there’s always another book to read and it fulfills my “I should be doing something” sense without actually wearing me out, and Dearborn is helping by sitting on me a bunch, but it’s very much an adjustment.

Still haven’t gotten the evaluation report from the clinic. I nudged the person who said she was doing the writeup, and she said she’d have it for me by today, then a few hours later emailed me to say “Actually your case was assigned to another doctor. I’ve asked her to bump it to the top of her queue, but I don’t have an ETA for you.”

They’ve got until August (mainly because the second half of July is going to be super hectic for me) and then I’m getting insurance involved. 

[gnosisparade]

Chiron in the 1st house⚷⚪🎼

Careful, I'm Fragile Like Glass.

I will be writing about difficult health topics here. Reminder that astrology is not a diagnosis tool, but a measurement of chances using language. Consult a medical professional if you are struggling with your health in any way.

Tw: talk of trauma/abuse/bullying,mental illness,body image,eating disorders.

(I personally have this placement, some things will be from experience)

⚫ Appearance-wise these natives might have a look that seems sad or ghostly to others. There also might be deep physical insecurites. It can actually manifest in a mirriad of ways and all over the body. From simply disliking their appearance to scars to noticable disabilities.

⚫Might be physically weak and have a constantly pained look.

⚫I've found that it's a bit of a wild card regarding what is actually causing the insecurity. It could even be multiple perceived flaws by the chironic individual.

⚫An obvious low-self esteem.

⚫There is a high chance of these natives being born with jaundice or similar ailments.

⚫It's been said that these natives could get traumatized before nineteen months of age, but I would argue that it could be before four years of age.

⚫Can actually be very cute and sweet looking, might have a round face, watery eyes as if about to cry and a frail and/or chubby body. Kind of gives the same vibes as a sad puppy or a kitten in a box in the rain. A sweet or fragile appearance. Angelic looking but they don't know it.

⚫Indicator of identity issues. Major people pleasing aspect. Very non-judgmental.

⚫I'm sorry to say, but this is a big indicator of having gotten bullied and/or abused since a young age. It can be very severe and unspeakable things could be done to them. They carry this trauma into adulthood.

⚫If you have a child with this placement I would highly recommend putting them in home school or a specialized school with small amounts of students,since they will get picked on even if it seems like there is nothing wrong with them. Sadly v.v

⚫Very smart, might naturally excel in academic or intellectual pursuits. Very curious about knowledge. Likes to teach others what they learn.

⚫These natives tend to have an extremely gentle nature to them and could be very timid from a young age. This very same nature could make people think they are easy targets. It's almost like they're born with a layer of skin missing.

⚫Selective mutism or stuttering might be a possibility as well. Soft,whispery voices.

⚫Skilled with their hands, might even be a genius in dexterity. Their hands might be really soft,even if they have calluses and such. Could be nail bitters as well.

⚫I've found that others with this placement are very beautiful inside and out or even that their flaws make them beautiful but they have a hard time seeing this.

⚫Care about other people more than they do about themselves. Will give their life up for other's sake. They instead should do what they like even if it's hard.

⚫Jaded Chiron first housers might have a very stoic face. Their eyes could look constantly tired or anxious.

⚫Experts of overcompensation. Will do the work nobody else wants to do and with grace. They feel like this is the only way to be loved. It's not. They always have so much more to offer.

⚫Need lots of encouragement and praise. Never ever try to give these people "tough love" they're already harsh with themselves.

⚫Might have felt invisible everywhere. Even at home and at school. They might have trouble seeing themselves in the mirror. Depersonalization could happen as well.

⚫Might wear lots of grey, black and white. Could also overdress and/or underdress to compensate for their appearance. In that same vein they either care too much about their appearance or not at all.

⚫Wear their heart on their sleeve.

⚫Many of these natives could end up having mental illnesses as well as eating disorders. Weight problems too,especially if they have aspects to the Moon or Venus.

⚫These people make excellent healers from doctors to therapists to artists and poets. Their talents can heal others no matter what that talent is.

⚫Might love to take care of those weaker than them like small animals and babies. Could love antiques and broken things. Good at fixing things and making them beautiful again. Would have like those teddy bear hospitals and such ^^

⚫On that note they have a great eye for beauty in others and the world around them. Make excellent designers.

⚫Reminds me of Kintsugi, the Japanese art of fixing broken pottery by mending it with gold.

⚫Same energy as an anime girl angel flying in chains, who is crying through her medical eye patch.

⚫In the end these people are actually a blessing to have around. If you give them a chance they might be one of the kindest people you might meet. They just need some tender love and care to open up and bloom into the beautiful flower that they are🌼

And a quote to finish:

"I saw it was a human body

trying to stand against winds so terrible that the flesh was blowing off the bones.

And there was no pain.

The wind

was cleansing the bones.

They stood forth silver and necessary.

It was not my body, not a woman’s body, it was the body of us all.

It walked out of the light."

Anne Carson, The Glass Essay

I really love you and I know your pain my chironic siblings of the world.

As always,thank you for reading!^.^🎼⚪⚫

[headpainmigraine]

Tagged as cripplepunk so, purely from a cripples POV - yeah?

It is.

I don't want to be diagnosed with something I don't have.

I want a diagnosis as specific as possible, not just so that I can keep up to date with the science around it, but so that I know what treatments there are for my specific issue.

I don't want to be left alone on a floating island of constant unceasing pain while doctors who have no idea what I've got just throw ineffective pain pills at me and then shout at me for being a 'drug seeker'

It's not even enough to say 'you've got migraines'

Okay, what type?

With aura, so I have to be more careful about birth control and stroke risk?

Hemiplegic, so I need more specific care when it gives me stroke-like symptoms?

Is it actually cluster headache? Trigeminal neuralgia?

Will a nerve block work, or should I be looking at electro-stimulation, or new migraine meds based on CGRP, or should I be getting monthly IV infusions or surgery to correct the fault where my brain slides into my spinal canal?

Maybe this was mistagged in cripplepunk, but even so, yeah, I still want to know the mechanics of what I have.

I want to know that, actually, this level of paranoia is unusual for anxiety and could better be explained by OCD, and medicated differently.

I want to feel secure about my diagnosis after being gaslit by medical professionals and misinformation from people online, and to do that, I need to name the creature.

Also, I've found that the best defense against imposter syndrome is knowledge.

It's even useful to know why whatever is happening to you IS happening to you.

After you learn what's happening in your body during a panic attack, or a catastrophising spiral, some of the fear of the unknown fades.

I really don't think that it's capitalism or specificity of diagnosis that over-pathologises average behaviour as mental health issues and neurodivergence either; I think you're going to have to look to social media for that.

Clinical research, diagnosis and basically every part of the medical system is riddled with bias and discriminates against women, the disabled, BAME people, etc, etc,

but that doesn't mean I'm not going to keep taking, and being grateful for, my SSRI's when they balance me out the way they do.

Meds arent evil; they're a neutral object that can be used effectively, or abused

Psychiatry is a shit-show, but that doesn't mean that I'd be any less disabled under Communism, or Anarchism, or some benign Dictatorship.

Some of your end points are valid, but assigning the blame on diagnosis as a product of capitalism isn't.

This might get some peeps mad but like. Is it really worth the effort figuring out the niche subtypes and cocktails of disorders you have? Is it really worth the struggle to find the right collection of clinical labels to fit yourself into? is it really worth the effort to know if some specific symptoms of yours are indicative of autism or adhd or ptsd or ocd or anxiety or whatever? Or is it just that you are a nuanced, neurodiverse person existing under capitalism, a system which has inherently traumatized and disabled you?

It’s great if you’ve found pride or community in your diagnosis, but always remember: diagnosis was not made for that.

It was never made for community or identity labels. It was made to categorize, to treat, to suppress, to segregate, to control, and to MAKE MONEY. Psychiatry is and forever has been an industry that exists under capitalism and colonialism, and is deeply rooted in eugenics, racism, queerphobia, and misogyny.

NEVER FORGET THAT. REMEMBER THAT ALWAYS.

The next time you start chatting about incredibly technical clinical terms and pop-psychology words, REMEMBER the autistic children who were abused, gaslighted, and programmed using those same words.

The next time you take the findings of a clinical research paper as gospel, REMEMBER the women and the black/indigenous people of color who were wrongfully incarcerated because of that research.

The next time you feel thankful for your psych meds, REMEMBER the survivors of psych prisons who have been permanently disabled from being overmedicated against their will, and the pharmaceutical companies who profited off of their suffering.

Capitalism WANTS to disable you. It WANTS you to be mentally ill, to think there’s something wrong with yourself. So that it can force productivity out of you, and make money off of you.

Like, I totally understand the researching and collecting of all the little mental illnesses itches that little autistic part of our brains. But in the long run, all it does is perpetuate the over-pathologizing of mental health. It does nothing for Mad liberation or abolishing the MH industrial complex.

I’m not saying to never use words ever, or to never seek treatment. Because clearly, the MH industry helps many. BUT IT ALSO HARMS MANY. IT KILLS MANY AND IT ERASES MANY.

NEVER FORGET THAT.

REMEMBER IT.

REMEMBER IT ALWAYS.

[writingwithcolor]

Elderly Black man with autism and anxiety

@xcherry-popx asked: 

I have a Black man in my story. Some main features of him include 1) being an older (60+?) man and 2) being rather nervous (and likely having anxiety). I've also considered him having autism, but I wanted to handle the anxious aspect first since it will be more prominent.

when creating him, I started out with the idea of an anxious older man and then decided on race. I'm still working on how his anxiety tends to manifest, but my current thoughts include some anger (not violence) and self-soothing in ways like running his hands through his hair. [autism + anxiety is ownvoices]

my main concerns are that:

     A) having his anxiety manifest in anger could be seen as an Angry Black Man, even if he doesn’t hurt anyone (this is in a story where there are some incidents where someone is attacked by someone else, so its not as if his anger is being toned down for the audience)

    B) his anxiety-autism could be seen as infantilizing him (its not immediately obvious, and he is seen as a father figure by many of the other characters. he will probably mostly grow stronger on his own rather than relying on the rest of the cast [if he does use their help, its more indirect, such as someone’s courage inspiring him or another nervous character working through their problems together])

I haven't heard a whole lot about 'weak’ (used very loosely here) Black man stereotypes, but i wanted to double-check since i know i dont have a whole lot of experience

Do you think he may come across as an 'infantilized Black man’ stereotype, or to a lesser extent, an 'Angry Black Man’ stereotype?  

[ask trimmed due to length]

The possibility that he’s undiagnosed 

Depending on the context of the story, it wouldn’t surprise me if his autism and anxiety went undiagnosed (mental health can be a taboo among some Black communities). So one of the questions is : does he know or not ? 

Dealing with emotions / how he handles things

Also it’s hard to deal with really strong feelings, sometimes irrational when you don’t know why you react like that. Being undiagnosed could explain his anger. But judging by his age, he could have learned to live with it ? We don’t know his personality and his life so it’s hard to tell.

Also, I don’t see anything wrong with not being strong or just having weaknesses. It’s human. You just have to take your character’s past into consideration when writing about it, but the rule for the story is that he must evolve. It doesn't mean he should finish entirely strong, without any weaknesses. It’s all about change and being a better person (or not, it depends on your themes and the message you want to convey). 

He hates being helped ? He learns to accept it and ask for help when needed. This is evolving. He could also find a relieving practice to sooth his anger, or that helps him control his emotions. This is evolving too. Or it could get worse, he could totally close up to the others because of the frustration of not being understood, of feeling weak for needing help. That’s life. He’s old and sometimes, people just stop trying. But again, I don’t know what your story is about so I can’t tell you if you should go towards a positive or negative character’s arc. Just remember : it’s all about his evolution.

Anyway, there’s only one thing that will probably prevent you from falling into stereotypes : make him as human as you can, with all his qualities and flaws.

- Mod Lydie

First of all, I second everything Lydie said, especially that first paragraph.

Undiagnosed (potentially) & coping

Being able to write part of this character from experience will be helpful, but you noticed correctly, being a Black man on top of that does have an impact. Like Lydie mentioned, he could easily have gone undiagnosed. There is a taboo in some Black communities, but keep in mind misdiagnoses and lack of professional support can happen as well. Though there are great psychologists out there, there are also those who will be influenced by racial prejudices, who simply won’t take people seriously, and Autism is still poorly understood outside of stereotypes a lot as well.

Going undiagnosed or even just a late diagnosis really impacts a lot of one’s experiences growing up and how you see yourself. It could be another deeply influential part of his identity that mixes things up again so do keep in mind if this is the case for him. Especially when he’s reached 60+, comorbid is very common aside from the anxiety (depression and C-PTSD come to mind). Not that you need to put those in there, especially because it really depends on his background and direct support group, but something to keep in mind as you further flesh your character out.

At such an advanced age one will probably have learned to mask a lot (though a turn to masking less can be seen in older people, especially men, as well). They might have grown used to being different, including feeling misunderstood, frustrated, could become withdrawn or a people pleaser as a coping mechanism, but all of this is all highly dependent on their character as well as their experiences. 

Dealing with his anger & stereotypes 

Thinking outside of the box of how anger can manifest could help as well. Sometimes people express their anger in less obvious ways, or the anger could be hidden under a secondary emotion. His anxiety and Autism will probably be affected by each other as well. Like sensory overload coming hand in hand with anxiety attacks of one leading to the other.

Your concern for having him turn into or interpreted as an angry Black man stereotype is something to look out for. Make sure you fully develop his character, show him to be multifaceted, and give him agency.

I personally don’t see how he’d be seen as infantilized as you described him in your concern B paragraph. It sounds to me like he’s doing to opposite, trying to be hyper self-reliant, but yeah, depending on how you let his anxiety and autism manifest, it could be an issue. It’s hard to really say a lot more than this without more specifics.

Characterization 

To me, this character comes across as one who could have a lot of depth and complexity to him. He would be flawed, he would be interesting, could easily be made relatable as well. But as you guessed, it will take work, care and research to pull him off without falling into potential pitfalls. Having weaknesses and having your character grow is a good thing (and mentioning for anyone who needs to hear it: Autism and Anxiety are in itself not character flaws or weaknesses, but they can lead to someone manifesting them). This is not only due to the stereotypes, but also because there’s not that much rep out there and you will be battling against ingrained biases and stigma as well. 

That said, this is the type of character I always look forward to reading. 

- Alice

[thevirgodoll]

Is it possible to be neuro-typical and still have mental health obstacles/issues? Like honestly…I am AWFUL at self-discipline. I lack focus and sometimes I have to force myself to finish things (even if last minute). But, I genuinely, truly, deeply at the bottom of my heart, DON’T believe I struggle with any mental disorders. Whenever I do research for things like adhd and what not, and I interact with fellow classmates with adhd, I don’t find myself relating to those issues on a deep profound level other than lack of focus/discipline and occasional anxiety.

It is definitely possible, but I think you're comparing yourself too much to Internet articles and your peers. I will give you facts just for your own convenience and you can decide on your own. It doesn't hurt to think about it.

Everyone with ADHD represents differently, considering there's ADHD Inattentive Type, ADHD Hyperactive-Impulsive Type, and ADHD Combined (that's all of it together, which is me!). This creates a stark difference in all of us with the disorder. Primarily Inattentive especially presents drastically different due to the low population of those who have it. It creates imposter syndrome, when it's not any less debilitating. There are even uncommon symptoms that go under the radar, that we didn't even know was ADHD.

Another thing to consider is if you are POC, AFAB, or identify as a woman, it's severely under diagnosed in these populations due to the stigma. And to speak to my demographic, Black women, we do not notice there's something off until we find difficulty in late adulthood due to the ableism and bias in healthcare. Most BW will believe ADHD is something different than what it actually is, and avoid getting knowledge from the right sources (because most are for children, or little boys...). We downplay a lot of our symptoms with mental illness.

The thing is, ADHD is specifically unique because it's a disorder that is neurologically based and developmentally based.

Let me explain executive function!

Executive function helps us manage time efficiently, switch between tasks without conscious effort, problem solve, avoid impulsivity, retrieve information, and regulate emotions. ADHD impacts the development of executive function through neurological structures of our brain, so that becomes executive dysfunction - peep this comic from ADHD-Alien to see it in a situation played out. And another!

I like to use the analogy of neurotypical's dopamine neurotransmitters (thousands of them) completing their job at work while ours don't even show up, even though they really want to. Here's an example of how severe the symptoms are in a comic from ADHD-Alien.

Therefore, it's a deficiency in dopamine and norepinephrine. This is why medication becomes important for a lot of people with ADHD to bring it back up. Beforehand, self medication is usually an issue, through other stimulants like coffee. The low chemicals in our brain will cause those of us afflicted with ADHD to seek stimuli to compensate for that, usually involuntarily.

Tasks with high stimulus are more attractive to our brains. What has some sort of incentive is at the forefront of your brain, and that's why you're not able to do things that you should do. Your brain legit screams, "Do something else, or I'm turning off!!!" This is also why those of us with it have endless amounts of hobbies because we go through various phases of what is the most interesting.

Before diagnosis, most people will be told they're lazy, just need to try focusing/try harder, or that everyone has this same problem. That is all due to professionals not advocating for ADHD properly, having a view that ADHD is just a little boy kicking, being hyper, screaming, and a belief that ADHD is tied to poor academic performance/low intelligence. This all prevents people from seeking treatment and creates internalized ableism. This also leads to feeling like the ADHD diagnosis is invalid due to childhood symptoms being suppressed until adulthood.

I must also mention... it's well known people with ADHD WILL have AT LEAST one co-morbidity... which means it can attribute to the development of these disorders if the symptoms go unnoticed. Depression, OCD, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, Substance Use Disorder, and more. Autism and ADHD counts as well, and often people have an overlap because they are basically brother and sister in casual speech.

A lot of us were already diagnosed with a co-morbidity, anyway. So our brain already had to seek chemicals and that can make it even harder for diagnosis to occur and make it easier for misdiagnosis or increase risks. ADHD also creates the likelihood of suicide, doesn't matter the age bracket.

There is a lifetime prevalence for other disorders for those of us with ADHD either way, because of how difficult it is. So, even if you feel you may be "milder" in presentation, that's not invalid, and don't be put astray by TikToks or Twitter posts. Know your facts and be careful, because social media will say everything is an ADHD symptom, when it's not, especially TikTok. They will also use the wrong words or invalidate less common symptoms. Don't buy into that.

TL;DR: Though you may have mild anxiety to begin with or depression, my concern is that executive function requires the ability to self regulate. Through this you have the ability to essentially force your reward system, so that way you can prime your brain for a greater reward in the future. Anyone with executive dysfunction has a deeper problem than they realize, and I would've been doing my brand of mental health and improvement a disservice if I didn't at least try to define the reasons why you should also consider that you may display lesser known symptoms. Even if you are neurotypical in your world view, mental illness has been defined so concretely by certain people that it becomes confusion. I can tell you're having difficulty. It seems you're having trouble either way with something, so you should seek services if you are able, as well as think more about what's been going on lately.

[torque-witch]

as a disabled person, how do you advocate for yourself against doctors that you feel aren't really listening to you? i've been trying to get treatment for my sleep disorder for over a year now and i feel like nothing is working :(

Honestly this is incredibly hard to do on your own, even after being introduced to new ideas across social media like asking for them to chart that they refused to order tests, asking for differential diagnoses, or simply bringing a man with you (I know, awful).

Personally I think this is even harder to do if you are neurodivergent or have a trauma background and struggle with confrontation. I have cried multiple times on the phone or in person with doctors and have been told that (since I'm upset they aren't listening to me) I must be severely anxious or depressed and not actually struggling with a physical condition that makes my mental health tank as a result. Doctors seem to forget that long-term distress, illness or pain breaks down your ability to just take everything that comes at you as a grain of salt. It is exhausting.

I will also say that I fear becoming a "problem patient" with certain doctors because one of my prescriptions is a controlled substance. Every time I change doctors, I have been told I risk losing that prescription - and it is already something I could lose at any moment. So I'm not as confident with self-advocacy because I don't want to lose my emergency meds.

What I will say, though, is that one-on-one with doctors it is okay to ask a lot of questions, it is okay to keep asking questions despite them avoiding answers, and it is okay to bring up new ideas that they may not have thought about. It is also okay to change doctors when you feel you comfortably can. If possible, try a different provider and see if the results are different. If your doctor just isn't answering you or won't consider anything you're saying, you need to move on to someone else.

If you don't need a referral, look for doctors within your system that specialize in the diagnosis you think you are dealing with. Usually you can type in specific health issues on your providers' website and find someone in that specific field or who focuses on it.

Catalog your test results if you have access to them and don't be afraid to ask questions about those as well. Sometimes one result may look normal, but across the board you may notice trends that you might want to clarify with a professional.

Get into some community groups (on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram) that deal with your specific symptoms. You shouldn't take medical advice from these places, but it can help you understand how it manifests in other people and sometimes people share how they reached a diagnosis, which could help you find the right specialist.

I haven't tried this yet, but if you truly aren't getting help and your symptoms aren't improving, look into patient advocate programs. Usually your insurance provider will have access to them online, or there are larger programs around the world that you could look into.

I believe you can also do consults with pharmacists if you have specific concerns about medication that your doctors aren't addressing or even know about.

Bottom line, the system (in the US at least) is incredibly demeaning and forces you to advocate for yourself 90% of the time. Plus, especially right now there is limited access to health care as lots of nurses, doctors, etc have gotten so fed up with pay and hours that they have left. Do what you can to minimize your symptoms on your own, but don't feel discourage if you aren't improving. I mean, you can of course feel discouraged, but it isn't your fault. You need care, and not getting it will make your condition (especially sleep) incredibly less tolerable. Keep searching for doctors who will listen, try to prepare well for appointments with notes, test results, etc. and find a support group or an advocate who can help guide you through the mess that we live in. It's shit, but we have to keep going and asking for help until we find it.

[missmentelle]

Everyone has mental health, but not everyone has a mental ilness. It sounds really logical, but I was wondering how this influences people's lifes and the way mental health campaigns have or haven't an impact? When I hear people speaking about their mental health I often feel invalidated because it looks like everyone is doing bad. But I think it's dfiferent because of my mental ilnesses? Even if my mental health is okay, things are still not okay and I don't know, this is very unclear

To be honest, I actually think we actually make too much of a distinction between "mental illness" and "mental health" - those aren't really separate concepts, and the line between "people with diagnosed mental illnesses" and "people just experiencing general bad mental health" is not really a clear line at all.

Think about physical health. Some people have distinct, specific physical illnesses - things like type I diabetes, multiple sclerosis, cancer, Lou Gehrig's disease, lupus, or asthma. These are the sorts of illnesses where you either have them or you don't. We often aren't totally sure what causes them, and we might not have any permanent way to cure them - although we do often have therapies available that let people lead normal lives even with these diseases.

At the same time, every single one of us experiences physical health. Our physical health is on a spectrum, from "nearly perfect health" to "extremely unwell", and the state of our health will likely change throughout our lifetime. It's possible to be in general poor health without having a diagnosable illness - if you spent a few months living on junk food, drinking heavily, not sleeping properly and not getting any exercise, you would quickly start to feel absolutely awful. You might not actually develop a diagnosable illness in that time, but your health would certainly start to suffer - you might start feeling out-of-shape and out-of-breath when you tried to do physical activities, you'd probably develop digestive issues, your blood pressure and cholesterol might rise, etc.

The relationship between physical illness and physical health isn't always a simple one. Being in poor physical health can eventually cause you to develop a physical illness - if you eat poorly and don't exercise for years at a time, you can eventually develop hypertension or Type 2 diabetes. At the same time, though, having a physical illness does not automatically mean you are in poor overall health - a Type 1 diabetic who manages their condition correctly, eats well, and runs 5k every day may be in better general health than a non-diabetic person who leads a very unhealthy lifestyle. These things are complicated, and we can't always draw firm lines between "healthy" and "sick".

The same thing applies to mental health and mental illness.

Some mental illnesses are a straightforward "you have this condition or you don't" situation - this would include things like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. We aren't always sure what causes these conditions - they likely have a strong genetic component, and sometimes it seems like they just happen to people.

At the same time, though, everyone has mental health. If you are living in stressful situations or not maintaining your mental health, you can start to experience poor mental health - you can start to have difficulty concentrating, low mood, social withdrawal, low motivation, irritability, etc. You don't necessarily have to meet the criteria for a mental illness to be in poor mental health, in the same way that you don't have to have a physical illness to be in poor physical health.

And again, the relationship between mental illness and general mental health is complicated. A person who has poor mental health for a long time might eventually be diagnosed with clinical depression or anxiety. And at the same time, having a diagnosed mental illness doesn't guarantee poor general mental health. A person with bipolar disorder who is taking their medication and managing their condition properly may be in better general mental health on a day-to-day basis than a person without a mental illness who is dealing with something stressful and not able to find healthy coping mechanisms. These things are complicated, and we can't always draw a line between "THESE people are affected by mental illness" and "THESE people aren't" - that's sort of not how mental health works.

I guess I just... don't understand how someone else's mental health struggles would invalidate yours? Multiple people can struggle at the same time, with the same thing - we don't have a quota for how many people are allowed to experience mental health problems at the same time. I think if we're going to really break down the stigma around mental health struggles, we need people to understand that mental health affects everyone, and not just the people who have been formally diagnosed with a mental illness.

There are a lot of reasons why someone might not have a formal diagnosis of a mental illness - they might not be able to afford professional mental health care. They might not feel comfortable accessing care. Their symptoms might not quite reach the threshold for a diagnosis, but still be seriously impacting their life. They might have a diagnosis but choose not to share that information. Gatekeeping who is "mentally ill enough" to count or to speak about their issues doesn't really help us make the kinds of positive change we need to make on mental health - it shuts out people who don't have the education or resources to put a formal label on their problems, and it lets other people pretend that they don't need to care about mental health because they don't have a formal metal illness and it will never happen to them. The reality is that mental health and mental illness will impact everyone in different ways, and we all benefit from hearing as many perspectives and experiences of it as possible. Everyone’s mental health experiences are valid. 

The idea of spreading more awareness about mental health and opening up discussion is not to make people compete to see who deserves to be labelled mentally ill. The idea is to normalize the fact that mental health struggles are a part of the human experience, and to make people realize that they aren't alone in dealing with this. When a lot of people go through a stressful or traumatic event - like a war, or a natural disaster, or a global pandemic that impacts every human life on earth - it's natural for there to be more people experiencing mental health struggles, and that's okay. Instead of worrying about who is "truly" mentally ill and who isn't, we should focus on learning more about mental health, pushing back against stereotypes, and making sure that supports are in place for anyone who might feel like they need them. MM