#but i really do not like looking at my buzzcut rn

[boyfeminism]

buzzed my hair and i really do not like it which is a shame i havent disliked a haircut in like 3 years

[bluravenite]

It's been a day, I'm exhausted, it was a good day, but I cried badly, I'm trying to regulate my emotions rn bc again... Crazy day, hopefully tomorrow will be as good but without all the crazy, I might take a break from everything and read tonight,,, i need to recharge 😥

I'm glad my friend dragged me to the con (lvl up expo) with her but i wish i had more time to prepare especially after all the financial turmoil April brought, thankfully I was still able to use some cash I saved up and I got some stickers and a picture with Robbie Daymond :)

He's surprisingly short, but I'm also 5'0 so it makes him look taller lmao, I'm glad I had made this imogen cosplay last year, came in a clutch 💀

(the boots did bruise my feet again LOL maybe a sign to not wear them again.... Oops) eventually I can upgrade the cosplay or do the new outfit since I thrifted most of this one, but I can reuse several parts :0

Also face reveal (?? I don't think I've ever shown my bare face on Tumblr before but yaa, that is me in REALLY fem clothes/makeup, irl I dress like a 12yo boy and currently have a buzzcut bc I couldn't pay for a new haircut 💀 lmao

[aureli-us]

okay halo people new question: what do you think chief actually looks like??? i LOVE masked characters (cough miraak) because i love the chance to sort of invent them physically below the mask. for that reason i hope to never actually see a canon john face in the games (despite being the literal greenest newbie to play halo on the planet rn) BUT i really enjoy trying to think of it myself??? some ideas i got browsing:

from the halo: escalation comic so the site said. i LOVE his baby blues i love how deep and colorful they are. i cant tell if he looks a little tan under there or it's just the shadow? i've seen somewhere the games or books describe him as too pale bc he rots in his armor all the time lmao. BUT i really really enjoy the oceanic eyes. idk if this comic ever shows his full face, i saw others did, but i would be SO interested to see what they do with the rest of him bc he'd probs look sick as fuck in the dark horse style

THIS ONE to me is gorgeous. i 100% love his hair here, it's exactly how i imagined it. brown and short, but like, military short but NOT a buzz (sorry i hate him w a buzzcut. its most probable but i cant😭) big fan of the widow's peak/hairline and tbh i really like his scars? im all for him being fucked up. part of me also wonders if his face would possibly be more protected??? but also all i know about spartans is that becoming a spartan Hurts so maybe they're like,,,, GMO scars

(ik i legit haven't touched deviantart for like....a decade) THIS was a cool collection. OP points out some similarities that are interesting (mainly his short brown hair, straight nose, and SCRUFF🥰🥰🥰). my favorite favorite favorite is probably second column from left, three down, the one where he has 117 buzzed into his undercut. that shit goes fuckin HARRRRRRRDDDDDDD. i tried to reverse search it but i couldn't rly find the OG of that one, which is sad 😔

that's all!!! i just thought it'd be cool to get ppl's thoughts. i saw a lot of comments that were basically like "chief has no face to me, he's the helmet" and tbh it makes a lot of sense, esp since that's legit how he was designed for the express purpose of first person feeling/relatability. feel free to reply or dm me your ideas!!!

[zealfruity]

I can’t really draw rn so I’m going to inform you guys on a goofy headcanon me and the two people I’ve been making watch clone wars alongside my (insert number here)th rewatch.

One of the big questions I’ve had is “does Rex dye his hair or his he a natural blonde?” Now the natural blonde Rex hc is good because it gives him backstory dimensions BUT if he’s a bottle blonde than that completely changes how I view him as a person.

The second option is funnier. Which means half the time I’ll go with that.

Because it means that Captain Rex bleaches his hair. And keeps it shaved. Gay as hell (compliment). Half the lgbt I know have done it multiple times and that’s what I associate it with, Rex is one of us fr.

The point of this ramble is this collection of bits that I’ve incorporated into my comedy-related clone worldview:

- He makes the bleach himself because he has no money and isn’t the type to ask anyone for money or bleach

- He went bald multiple times from making it. It’s why in that one clone wars comic he’s bald, it’s not a continuity error guys

- Any 501st clone who went bald within the first few months of the war was because rex was sneaking through the vents and into barracks to test it out on their heads. It eventually caught on as a fashionable thing

- He's a fashion icon for all clones every clone thinks he has the best look, but they can never replicate it. He wears it too well. You can’t steal another clone’s look anyway. It’s like the Ken rule.

- Part of the reason why he and Ahsoka became close aside from like fighting war everyday and Rex having the adoption gene that all fett clones have, is because they exchange beauty tips

- He ends up giving her makeup tips when the topic comes up because he has Opinions and has done his research. It’s why she has such good eyelashes. She took his ramblings to heart.

- He himself doesn’t wear makeup because it irritates his skin

- And he is in fact a skin care king, although he doesn’t get to do it often. He has all the theory though

- They do eachother’s nails. Rex is very good at detail work like this. Ahsoka HAS scratched people with neon sparkly painted claws.

Verdict:

There are two different ways to interpret rex on like the fashion/outfit side if things:

Dad with no fashion skills. Middle aged straight man type of fits. I’m talking most sensible blue button up you’ve ever seen and at least five pockets on his pants/shorts

Or

The type of funk you’d expect from varyign fashion sub cultures that involve a lot of bleached buzzcuts and painted nails.

[corneliushickey]

how long have you been growing out your hair? looks gorgeous! planning to grow out my own but i keep foiling it with trims because of split ends

unbelievable to me that i opened my tumblr app to see a kind stranger asking about the only thing in the world that actually matters to me: how long my hair is.

i'm going to give you a needlessly detailed response but if you don't wanna read all that: 7 years 8 months and it (as of today!) brushes my tailbone

i grew my hair out as long as i could in high school and it got to almost my waist. i shaved it all off in summer 2013 and started growing it out from a buzzcut in summer 2014

when it reached the ugly soccer mom bob stage i got an undercut from ear to ear around the back of my head/nape of my neck, like this:

random pic off pinterest btw idk who that is

i shaved that undercut for the last time in very late december 2016 and kept my hair at shoulder length for a while waiting for the undercut to catch up

so basically since jan. 1 2017 i have been growing out my hair from bald 👨‍🦲

in 2022 i shaved the sides from my ear forward like this

very skrillex. i loved it. i had been day dreaming about this kind of sideshave for well over a decade. at this point my hair was just past my waist.

then in 2023 i extended the side shave all the way to the nape of my neck again like a death hawk. like this:

the last time i got that sideshave touched up was 12.29.24 so it's been growing out for 7 months 12 days

i do not plan to cut the rest of my hair short to match the sideshave until it reaches like... actually idk probably my waist? but the thought of having to chop my hair back to my waist makes my entire body clench painfully so maybe not who's to say

my hair grows extremely slowly. more slowly than anyone i've ever met, actually. most people in 7 years can grow their hair down to classic length (the bottom of your butt/top of your thighs) or even longer.

i think trims can be very helpful if your hair grows quickly, if you have a lot of split ends, or if you have bleached hair. actually if you have bleached hair trims are mandatory and unavoidable. for me, i prefer to do "seek and destroy" haircuts where i just bought myself a pair of sheers and i snip off the individual split ends i find whenever i find them. is this foolproof? no definitely not. will any hairstylist tell you that trims are necessary? yes. and they probably know what they're talking about. for me, my hair grows so slowly and i want it to be long so badly that idc about splits. if i noticed my ends THINNING i would get them trimmed for sure, but otherwise i am really reluctant to let anyone cut my hair.

i had a reliable stylist who i went to for years and i trusted her to give me barbie princess layers and not take any length off. she moved out of state and i'm thrilled for her but i cannot imagine trusting a stranger with my hair. especially since the last time i did so (in july 2023) i ended up having to chop 6" off my hair because she thinned out the ends so much. SIX INCHES. that's like over 2 years of growth for me.

what i really want rn is a little itty bitty undercut around my ears like this (but with no bangs):

and with how fucking annoying my grown out sideshave is i have literally been parting my hair to do this 3-4 times a week. but i am NOT allowed to get another undercut until i grow this one out for a full year 😤 which is a rule i made up for myself because otherwise i would immediately lose the will to keep at it and just do the skrillex thing again.

also if you happen to be here from my asoiaf sideblog i can tell you that i do still play the game where every time a character's hair length is mentioned i compare it to my own hair. the two people who have me beat are khal drogo (his hair in an intricate multi strand braid reaches his thighs) and aeron greyjoy i think altho i might be misremembering aeron.

TY FOR YOUR QUESTION THERE IS NO WAY YOU WANTED THIS MUCH INFORMATION XO MWAH

[micahthemoon]

June 20 2023 Inspired by yesterday’s entry here’s some of my short haircuts I’ve gotten over time. A bit more context under the line.

2012: First time short haircut on purpose.

2014: Still probably my most euphoric haircut.

2016: First sidecut.

2021: Cut it short for the first time in forever – was inspired by a picrew of all things.

Beginning of 2022: Probably the shortest my hair has ever been.

End of 2022: A friend cut my hair diy.

2023: First time with mullet.

And this is my hair rn.

Okay, no symbol limits for this; let’s go!

2012 – This was the first time I got to decide my own haircut and I went short like my favourite artist at the time, Billie Joe Armstrong. The hairdresser wasn’t keen on it at first so I actually was talked into going from hair down my back to shoulder length. Then I arrived back after two months and asked for it shorter and so I finally got this. I still remember it fondly.

2014 – When I was younger I had a family hairdresser, so this was done by the same person who did my BJA hair two years prior. This time I gave her a picture of Alexander William Gaskarth from All Time Low and I recall this grinning immensely afterwards and taking more selfies I’d ever done. I was so euphoric I get warm inside just thinking about it.

2016 – This was after a long while growing my hair out to shoulder length again and it was a hot summer day. I was getting so tired of my hair so you guessed it: I took yet another bandmember picture with me to the family hairdresser – this time I believe it was Kier Kemp from then Fearless Vampire Killers – and got my first sidecut. I quite enjoyed it and I actually had it for a long while.

2021 – Somewhere between 2018 and 2021 I decided to grow my hair long and only colour it sparely so to let it heal so it was now very long and feminine looking. When I then came out to myself as nonbinary in march 2021 however I started dreaming about cutting it short again when I fooled around with a picrew base one day and really felt connected to this bleach blond short hairdo. Now living in a new city I went to a hairdresser nearby with the same picture of Alex from 2016 and asked for that haircut. After it was cut I went home to bleach it myself. I wasn’t as euphoric as the first time but I felt like myself again with shortish hair.

2022 – Now this one is interesting because I had two different yet similar short hairstyles this year. The first was at the beginning of the year (February) where I wanted to get something even more masculine to see if I liked it. I decided on something between a fauxhawk and an undercut and scrambled lots of pictures for this to give my hairdresser (no bandmembers this time). It was yet again a new place since I wanted to go to a “real” barber yet ended up with a compromise being that I paid for a ‘male cut’ by an all gender hairdresser. I remember finding it so strange feeling the wind in my neck and not sure what to think about it. I was a bit relieved I still had some fringe since up to this point I had never not have some sort of heavy fringe (which of course will make it the first time that has happened if I go with a buzz cut). The second picture is from September when my undercut started growing out again. I wasn’t keen on going back to the same barber so I went hairdresser shopping but quickly stopped again when I was discriminated against this one place (he refused to cut my hair since I wasn’t masculine enough). So I asked a friend I knew cut his own hair and this was what we came up with. I didn’t feel ready for as short a hairdo as last time and missed my fringe so it got a bit more choppy yet I liked it for what it was.

2023 – I needed some change this year so I decided to go for one of two haircuts – either I’d do a mullet or a buzzcut. My reasoning for going with a mullet at the beginning of the year instead was that it would be easier to change my mind and cut the rest of for a buzzcut later than the other way around. You know what – I felt pretty euphoric about this one as well but a bit less so than in 2016. I felt it was a nice change of pace and it has been very nice keeping the mullet up to this point (has gotten it cut twice – was sadly less keen about it the second time). I still have the mullet now (last picture) but it is just brown-yellow-green instead of red-black.

[yanzinator]

I need to rant rn about how much I hate my dad, in a place he won't find out about it, so I'm doing it here. Be warned, this is very negative about Judaism. If you're a convert or a goy, or whatever else, don't interpret this as integral part of it, it's just certain circles within certain circles that I'm in, but if you don't want to see the darker side of Judaism, maybe don't read on. Also trauma dumping!!

I fucking hate my dad, which is hard, because he's a hard person to hate. He has fantastic people skills, he knows everyone, and he's friends with everyone he meets, he seems really kind, and also he's really rich. He's a millionaire, we live in basically a mansion, so every time I tell someone "yeah I'm mendy's son" they're like "oh you're so lucky" "that must be so great" "he's such an awesome person" and I have to pretend I agree with them or else I look like a spoiled asshole of a child, and it always feels like I'm stabbing myself. He's an egomaniacal control freak, he thinks of me as his property, I know this both because of how he acts, and the fact that he makes sure to regularly explicitly remind me of this. "you're my son, you belong to me. I own you", any time I'm slightly out of line. Which is a lot because his standards are insane. My hair is currently about 5 inches I think. From my forehead it reaches to right under my eyes, I grew it from a buzzcut with no in between cutting. I use hairclips to keep my bangs off my eyes, and I regularly have to threaten him with never talking to him again so he doesn't buzzcut it while I sleep. He makes sure I know about that one reel he saw on insta where a guy cut a line on his friends head, so the friend had to buzzcut the rest. If I want anything at all, there's no way to get it other than making it myself from scrap or paper, or going through him. Now to be fair, he's usually very generous, because he has the money, but if it's something he doesn't like, and remember he's a religious nutjob so most things, I'm out of luck. Even if it's a 2 dollar cup with a girl, any girl tbc, doesn't matter how tznius she is, because it's too inappropriate. I want to run away, get a job, live alone, be financially independant, if extremely unstable, because even with a landlord breathing down my neck, at least he won't be looking at my bookmarks. Problem is, I don't know how, because I have no secular education. When I was a kid, we lived in Buffalo NY, we were poor back then, we lived in a bad neighborhood, my mom hated the place, but I loved it. I went to a tiny private Jewish school, had 60 students total, but they taught well, I learned properly, I had friends, everything was normal. By the time I was 10, My dad was doing really well, not rich well, but he had a lot of assets, a few thousands in savings, we moved to mexico because of a business opportunity, and there I had no friends but worse, no education. Now there were schools, but they weren't Jewish schools, and god forbid someone with foreskin teach me how to find X, so instead, he financially strained himself to find me tutors. I do appreciate that, he worked really hard to emulate school for me. My curriculum when I was 12 was more intense than actual school was, and now I think like an Amorai, I know details about tanach no even thinks about, I can tell you mechanics about the world that make me look like conspiracy theorist, but no that's just tanya, and if you have a question in Halacha, I can answer you as well as a Rabbi, and if you want to know where your poop go after digestion, I know this guy on tumblr... Taxes? I don't know what the first form even looks like, what name to look up. Job application? Like from the movies? And what would I put on it? "Dissected a worm in 6th grade, top of my class in hebrew, 18 years experience as a professional Jew". Eventually I did have an opportunity, when I was 15, I went to Yeshiva in florida, they had a class where they "taught" GED. So I'm there right. I go to the rosh yeshiva, "I want to learn GED", They gave me this thick as book, and told me that they have a teacher come in for an hour a day. I could be a loner who learned with him and give up 1 of 2 hours of free time that I had in the entire 24 hour day, which btw included 7 hours of sleep, because the rosh yeshiva read an article saying adults need 7-9 hours of sleep, never mind we're teenagers who need 8-10, -block text limit

and that the range isn't "everyone needs to get at least 8 at most 10", so much as "some need 8 some need 10", but no we all get 7!!!, and then 2 hours of free time, I had to dedicate half of that to learning GED, and the teacher's teaching style was, "you see this page. Read it. Then read the next page.". When I ask my dad what I'm supposed to do with this, he tells me not to worry. When I get married (between ages 24-26) (to a religious Jewish girl), he'll buy me a house, then I'll go to shul and study all day, and he'll pay me a salary, and I'll be a talmid chacham who learns torah all day, a perfect chassid. What if I want to do something else? "you have an internet connection, find some online course". I quit that first Yeshiva after half a year, and went to another Yeshiva in tzefat. That one had more secular studies, it taught us from a 1st grade level, and it was preparing us for Bagruyot (12th grade tests) and we had a year to catch up. Also, they made a point to never allow more secular studies than holy studies in the curriculum. we had ~2 hours of free time, but 8 hours of sleep! but also the non free time, the lessons were much, much harder... also also Mikvahs! sorry to digress but fucking. In tzefat, they were mandatory for a certain period, not all year, but enough that I remember vividly, I often see people online talking positively about Mikvah, so does my family, I know how to pretend I like it but it is a fucked up concept. When I was with my uncle, he's ultra religious and very convincing so I'd go to the mikvah with him, he was very respectful, he waited outside until I finished and then go after, and he'd always take me while the local minyanim were praying so I was alone. He's the only person who ever took my feelings into account, but even then, occasionally someone else was also going at the same time, but it was one person so I just had to face the wall and it'd be fine mostly. In yeshiva, the guy who kept track right, he was respectful, waited outside the changing room, but unless you wanted to get up at 5am, and go in when everyone else is asleep, though even then you'd be going in with 2 or 3 other students, after chassidus boker, you had 30 minutes to dip, and this yeshiva had hundreds of students, and not a particularly large mikvah, now I'm sure no one was looking at my dick, but that didn't make me comfortable. Also two of the rabbis also dipped at this time, so that ++. Anyway, after a year, I managed to get 3 yechidot in gemara, but I was so stressed that I was considering and had already planned out my suicide, so when oct 7th happened, I used the excuse to not go back to israel (I was home for the holidays) and I have not went back since. So anyway, my lack of education is also blamed on me. And hey maybe it is my fault, I don't fucking care, I still have no way out of here. I hate my beard so fucking much, I want to wax it off, I want it to hurt, I want to feel it seperating from my skin, "they are wires that connect you directly to god", god's getting a direct live feed of all my spite. I hate everything about everything I have to deal with, but I have to pretend I'm so happy because from the outside that's what it looks like, and if I don't appreciate my good fortune I'm clearly just a spoiled rich kid.

[winterrrnight]

he looks so handsome with a buzzcut, and it’s like he knows it.

the only man who rocks the buzz yup yup

“i really don’t care what you do, y/n.”

meanie >:( (pls come and kiss me)

rafe has also decided to get sober. after almost dying of an overdose, he was really scared and decided to quit.

WHAT 😭😭😭😭

“i just think it’s funny how you really believe this little island is an entire world for you.” you snorted. “but i know why you don’t wanna leave this shit hole. you’re a nobody outside the outer banks. there is no “kook versus pogue” once you step out of this place. you’re just another trust fund baby with drug issues to everyone else, rafe.”

OH SHE KINDA ATE-

but rafe doesn’t see himself being happy far from north carolina. from kildare. from tanney hill. it’s where he comes from and where he wants to die. it’s what he knows.

that only proves her point rafe 🫢

and if he is not happy in where he feels he belongs most, there is no place in the world that makes him happy. 

OH MY GOD

“that’s all that matters to me, then.”

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I CANT TAKE THIS NOT RN

WHEWWWW BESTIE THE ANGST!!!! I love love love stuff that practically feels like a stab to my heart just cause it's fun 😁 and this was really really really good!!!! always so in awe w how well you write <3 you really are so so talented 💗💗💗

𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅'𝒔 𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 ✧ 𝒓. 𝒄.

pairing: ex-boyfriend!rafe cameron x ex-girlfriend!reader

warnings: angst

word count: 1k

“hi, rafe.”

just your voice is enough to decentralize him entirely. he didn’t expect to see you at sarah’s party, only because he didn’t know you were back to kildare.

you look beautiful as always. your hair is shorter, but that’s the only thing that has changed about you, at least, it’s what he can assume. the flower crown you’re wearing adorns your sage green dress beautifully.

“hi.” he takes a sip of his mock tail, trying to pretend he’s cool with you there, as if he knew.

“how have you been?”

“good.”

you know rafe too well. his short answers tell you he’s not at all amused by your presence, and that breaks your heart even more. he looks so handsome with a buzzcut, and it’s like he knows it.

“i guess you didn’t know i was coming.” you chuckle quite awkwardly. “sarah convinced me to come, she said it wouldn’t be an issue, but... if you want me to leave, i will.”

“i really don’t care what you do, y/n.”

you sigh, defeated. he’ll never forgive you for what you said. you thought that maybe he would have changed, or at least, understood your point, but you see that he hasn’t done either.

“okay, um... i’ll see you around, rafe.”

he watches you leave, and you’re not even pretending to be happy. he ruined your mood and he knows it. rafe sees sarah comforting you, and she shoots him a glare, making him roll his eyes and leave his spot at the bar.

he should probably leave, too.

when he turns his back and makes his way inside tanney hill, he doesn’t look back. he goes straight to his bedroom and plops down on his king sized bed. the music is muffled, thank god.

he’s been trying to make amends with sarah, even letting her come back home and be with john b in peace. sure, he doesn’t get along with the pogues, but if accepting them is what it takes for him to have the smallest sense of peace, he’ll do it.

rafe has also decided to get sober. after almost dying of an overdose, he was really scared and decided to quit. he wants to make ward proud. staying away from alcohol is a lot harder than quitting coke and marijuana, it turns out. the mock tails aren’t as enjoyable.

as if doing all that isn’t hard enough, you’re back. and with you being back, all of the feelings he’s successfully repressed are coming back up again, stronger than ever.

he hates that he’s given you this amount of power over him.

rafe never did feelings before, and the one time he did, you left him because of himself. rafe is his worst enemy.

he really loved you. well, scratch that. he never stopped loving you. you took care of him, you improved his relationship with ward and sarah. you asked him to quit drugs and selling it. you listened to him and you took none of his bullshit. you held him accountable while giving him grace.

deep down, he knows he fucked up. he wasn’t ready to grow up, but no one likes to say they’re wrong, do they?

“i just think it’s funny how you really believe this little island is an entire world for you.” you snorted. “but i know why you don’t wanna leave this shit hole. you’re a nobody outside the outer banks. there is no “kook versus pogue” once you step out of this place. you’re just another trust fund baby with drug issues to everyone else, rafe.”

he never understood your incessant need to “explore the world”, it’s so childish. you always talked about how you wanted to live in paris, toronto, tokyo, london, seoul, or berlin or whatever (honestly, you have mentioned so many cities, he has lost count), and you always said that you would be happy anywhere else, but rafe doesn’t see himself being happy far from north carolina. from kildare. from tanney hill. it’s where he comes from and where he wants to die. it’s what he knows.

a knock on his bedroom door interrupts his thoughts. rafe huffs and rolls his eyes. when he opens the door, he comes across you.

“what do you want?” he questions, irritated.

you enter his room and close the door behind you, drowning out the noise of the music once again. you’ve missed his bedroom. his bed.

“i think... i think i owe you an apology,” you say. “i shouldn’t have been so mean to you that day, it wasn’t right.”

rafe remains quiet, sitting on his bed, just listening to you talk.

“i just… i never liked it here, and i end up projecting that onto others, and i did that to you. i’m sorry.”

in theory, hearing you apologize should be gratifying, but rafe can’t identify any sign of regret in you. it’s not that he doesn’t think your apology is insincere, it’s that the regret he wanted to see doesn’t exist. you don’t regret leaving kildare nor leaving him.

“apology accepted.”

“thank you.” you smile.

“y/n, are you happy?” he asks.

“hm?”

“are you happy there?”

your smile and small nod tells everything he didn’t want to know. you are happy. in fact, you’re happier than ever.

“i am.”

rafe has vivid memories with you, and your smile has never been so wide, your eyes have never been so bright. maybe this will take him to hell, but he hates that you’re genuinely happy away from there, especially because he isn’t happy. and if he is not happy in where he feels he belongs most, there is no place in the world that makes him happy. 

maybe happiness isn’t an option for him, and the most upsetting thing about this is that money really can’t buy happiness. not the one rafe really needs anyways.

you want to tell rafe how you’re enjoying life for the first time, how being independent is amazing, but also sucks, but it’s still amazing, how the feeling of achieving something on merit is indescribable... but rafe would never understand.

it’s funny how two people who are so similar at first are so different in the end.

“that’s all that matters to me, then.”

i love feedback! let me know your thoughts! <3

[avakrii]

Playing AC: Valhalla and though it looks like shit on my PC I’ve managed to fall in love with female Eivor in .003 seconds.

Thinking about laying in bed with her, her head in the crook of your neck. Running your hands on the sides and back of her head. Her hair’s starting to grow back in, so it’s at the fuzzy buzzcut stage rn and it’s so soft.

You trace the scars on her head with your thumb before sliding your hands down to her broad back and toned arms. It’s a sort of pseudo-massage, but you really just want to feel her.

She loves your touch, it’s so comforting and warm, a contrast to all the rough textures she’s used to: dry leathers wrapping weapon handles, wood on her longship that’s beginning to splinter, iron cutting into her fingers from arrowheads.

You don’t get to go out on adventures as much as she does. And though she’s skilled in raiding and pillaging, there’s always this fear that she may not return one day. So you cherish these moments with her whenever she does return.

You don’t know this, but she looks forward to being held and safe with you even more than you do.

Where tf do I find a woman like this 😩

[teencopandthesourwolf]

17 QUESTIONS, 17 PEOPLE (an update!)

okay, so when i posted the last version on this blog, it was a years-old one from my main that i'd resurrected to get this going. so now imma do an updated version bc i'm depressed and need distractions woohoo.

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NICKNAMES: so. my given name is lucy, which never really sat right with me, but especially not now i've admitted to myself i'm trans. but i'm also autistic, and change freaks me the fuck out lol. online everybody knows me as CASSIDY (actually my surname) but in meatspace, most folks now call me LU, which is androgynous enough to feel okay, i guess. i came out as non-binary a few years ago (which felt right at the time) and only very recently told select folx i'm actually transmasc. it's complicated, for me, in my head, bc i have kids. anyways, my mum has started calling me LUKE (unprompted, lmfao.) also, my brother—who's also my closest buddy—has always called me DAVID, for reasons known only to himself. maybe he's always known i'm a guy.

ZODIAC: scorpio

HEIGHT: a really tall 5'2"

HOGWARTS HOUSE: slytherin (but as my tumblr hubbie tylar @but-theres-wolves also said, jk can go fuck herself with a bargepole).

LAST THING I GOOGLED: "gay men sleeping" bc i wanted a pose ref for a destiel sketch i did when i couldn't sleep last night.

FOLLOWERS: 1015

SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: toss a coin to your witcher the theme song from the witcher, sung by the delightful joey batey. this is bc SEASON 2 COMES OUT FRIDAY ASFHKDSKKKK so i've had s1 on (again, lol) in the background whilst arting.

HOW MUCH SLEEP DO I GET: i'm bipolar so either like 0-4 hours (when i'm hypomanic) or 13+ when both depressed and/or chronically fucked from, well, my chronic illnesses.

LUCKY NUMBER: a self-assigned no. 6, bc i was aged 6 at the time i heard about lucky numbers and wanted one for myself.

DREAM JOB: fiction editor, props master or illustrator.

WEARING: you wanna know what i'm wearing? you saucy lot... *looks at self or wouldn't have a fucking clue* uh, apparently, a massively baggy white and grey leopard print jumper, boxershorts and a neon yellow beanie over my buzzcut. i ain't leaving the house.

FAVOURITE SONG: as if i could pick just one!? currently it's the lightening strike (what if this storm ends) by snow patrol. like, on fucking permanent repeat rn omg i can't get enough of it. the rest of the songs from that album are shit but MAN, THIS SONG.

FAVOURITE INSTRUMENT: to play? guitar, although my hEDS means it hurts these days. like, A LOT. i don't really want to talk about it or i'll cry. to listen to? a full orchestra. like, fuck, just listen to THIS and tell me you don't wanna fling yourself off of a building (in a good way, like the matrix).

AESTHETIC: 41-year-old-finally-admits-to-self-that-they're-trans-therefore-everything-is-that-missed-youth-teenage-boy-aesthetic. yeah, that. luckily i don't look my age so kinda get away with it—and anyone who thinks not can fuck off anyways :)

FAVOURITE AUTHOR: again, as if i could pick just one. rn it's maggie stiefvater bc i'm reading book two in her dreamers trilogy: mister impossible, the spinoff series from the raven cycle.

FAVOURITE ANIMAL NOISE: cats purring AND corvids! we get crows round our flat all the time and i bloody love them.

SOMETHING RANDOM: this isn't really about me but my brain is foggy so. my ex (but still good buddies) sister-in-law was in a drama/thriller with chlöe sevigny called hit and miss about a trans assassin, and played the wife of vincent regan who was in the movie the 300. this was back in 2012 and chlöe was playing the titular character... these days you'd hope that trans characters get to be played by a trans actors.

now i have to try and claw my way back into the land of the living bc my dad and his wife are travelling over to see me tomorrow and my flat looks like somebody has been fly tipping here (they have; i'm somebody). wish me luck!

tagging, play or nay: fuck, who did i tag last time?! uh let's have @petrichoravellichor @rauko-is-a-free-elf @crack--attack @iscarusholmes @ohhalefire @ltleflrt @mjulmjul @floral-cas @lenaospinka @puhnatsson @halinski @catboyadamparrish @flitwickslittlebrotha @we--are---not--afraid @dilflanlynch @warynerd @permanentlyjaskier @misterstalker and @wilwheaton (promise you're not a last resort buddie, you just popped into my head). plus anybody else who i could be tagging but am forgetting bc i have hardcore brain fog leave me alone. oh and anybody who doesn't recognise this url my main is @all-or-nothing-baby :))

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[daughterofhecata]

i dont want to invade ur privacy at all but i have this picture of you in my head where you have short hair and dress really cool with like leather jackets and have a lot of fancy tattoos and i always wondered what you actually look like. like whats your hair colour?

Oh gods, I wish I looked that cool.

I do have a buzzcut (both for gender euphoria and practicality reasons, haven't been to a hairdresser in like four years), but I'm very much lacking in the leather jacket-and-tattoos department. I've tried getting a good leather jacket for a while now, but thrift shops and flea markets haven't been successful so far, and the main brand selling cool jackets in germany rn is called "G*psy" and I am not going to support them, let alone walk around with that brand name anywhere on my clothes. (also there's the problem that I'm a little too thin/small for "men's" sizes, but I'm not going to walk around with something tailored for "women"). I did recently start working more hours, so I'll be getting more money, and might finally be able to get a couple more tattoos and also an industrial piercing, which I've wanted forever.

[transient-winds]

Okay so the promotional cover does not do these actors justice. I have thoughts about this casting but this is in no disrespect to the actors (I think they’re all great especially since I’ve seen some of them before).

Andō Yūto (Suō Hayato), Ishikawa Ryōga (Sakura Haruka) & Yokoyama Kazan (Nirei Akihiko)

It’s my first time hearing of Ando and Yokoyama, so I’m not entirely sure what to expect which leads me to not knowing to feel about their casting. I think Suo’s looks are fine, I’m not really sold on Nirei’s makeup and wig. Yokoyama’s face is already cute (his twitter for reference) and that wig does not do his features justice (nirei’s freckles are not even prominent im crying). Now, how do I feel about Ishikawa being casted for Sakura? He’s not my first pick but honestly I’m not mad about it. I think he looks good in his solo pic. Just the promotional cover threw me tf off. Like he looks great even in his solo pic.

Nakamoto Taiga (Sugishita Kyōtarō) & Takahashi Karin (Tachibana Kotoha)

I also don’t know how to feel about Nakamoto since I never knew of him ‘til now so he might grow on me later on so idk. BUT HOLY SHIT TAKAHASHI! I knew her as Sailor Saturn in the Un Nouveau Voyage musical! This may be a biased take but I like it a lot.

Takahashi Shunichi (Hiragi Tōma) & Sana Hiroki (Umemiya Hajime)

Liking Hiragi’s looks so far, not super familiar with his actor but I do remember him and Choji’s actor being in the Prince of Tennis musical. Tbh with y’all, I already hc Sana as Tsubakino in my mind because he did an amazing job with Maraich Juschenfe from Patalliro! (GUYS PLEASE LOOK HIM UP I BEG OF YOU HES SO FUCKING PRETTY) so I’m a bit disappointed with his casting as Umemiya (that’s cuz of my expectations) but who knows maybe he’ll convince me when the play releases.

Imamaki Hikaru (Tomiyama Chōji), Satonaka Masamichi (Togame Jō) & YUKI (Sako Kōta)

I like how Choji looks and Imamaki is chef’s kisses. Never heard of YUKI before but character appearance wise looks pretty good. Now, how to feel about Satonaka as Togame. I maybe so fucking bias rn because he played (my favorite characters) Bluewer (Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler) and Kyoya (OHSHC) in their respective musicals but hotdamn. Bonus for Satonaka’s voice. Also not my first pick but um I get it behind it. *tucks hair*

Kawano Ryōta (Arima Yukinari) & Chatani Yuta (Kanuma Minoru)

These two are the most familiar faces to me since Kawano was casted for Asahi in Gekidan Haikyuu!! and Chatani was Ojiro in the BNHA stage play. Appearance wise (in terms of similarities to the character and not their overall attractiveness), I like it. They look really good but um Arima’s wig is a little weird (but i’ll give it pass because undercut/buzzcut wigs are hard unless the actor willingly shaves off their hair).

um…

hmm 🤔

[barry-j-blupjeans]

For the writing questions, 2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project, 16. Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?), and 20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?) ? :O

((meta asks here))

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

I mean, I've got a Lot of ideas n it's hard to pick sometimes sdlfksd. I think rn, there's a scene in my "Magnus actually talks to the Red Robe instead of ignoring everything" AU (which still needs a name lsdkfsd) that's I'm really looking forward to but idk if I should say, bc Spoilers. I'm very excited about finishing that, n I'm almost there I think!

OC-wise, I'm doing a lot of lore-building for Georgie n it's making me excited about actually writing the story so :O!!!

16. Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?)

This is not related to TAZ or OC's but it is writing, so I'ma say it counts. But I've been trying to do more short poetry bc I tend to want to go on and on and on with things, which isn't often the best way to say what I want to say. I write a lot of what can be classified as "spoken word" I guess, which basically just means it's written to be performed instead of just read. But I'm trying to limit myself to doing short things recently bc I like the challenge! I think it's goin' pretty well!

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks, or clues for future scenes?)

Gonna delve into three fics below the cut: When The Sky Comes Falling Down, Archaeology Excavation on My Body, and Buzzcuts and Braids (find here, here, and here!). A lot of this is just little things from my life that I've added into the fics so :O

When The Sky Comes Falling Down: First thing I can think of is when Lup gets poisoned. I put it in mainly bc I think one of the twins getting poisoned is a fun Glamour Springs parallel. Also playing on the idea of "media poisoning the minds of innocent youth into thinking they're a different gender" very literally bc that's something that's still Very Prevalent when I try to find literally any trans resources.

Also, idk if this is really symbolism or anything, but I write the Raven Queen as a strict but caring parental figure. I say parental and not "mother" because mother figures often seem to be forever forgiving/kind and that's not how I see the Raven Queen. She has limits but the more good you do for her, the more willing she might be to stretch them.

And to dive a little into the depths of what the transformation spell took: Cornelian cherry represent good health and the salamander tongue I just threw in bc it sounded spooky and DnD like sdflkksdf.

Finally the line “I’d rather have a happy sister than a sad brother” is based on how my parents reacted to me coming out :b! Though it was much more "happy son than sad daughter" but you get the point sldkfd.

Archaeology Excavation on My Body: The big thing in this- which I think that only you, Gab, have pointed out- is the switch between the use of "Madam Director" and "Lucretia". She's "Madam Director" when she's behind her desk, or when she's coming to Angus to talk about work. But when she puts herself on the same level as him- sits across from him instead of behind her desk, helps him take notes- we switch to "Lucretia" because that's a very Lucretia thing to do, not a very Boss thing to do.

More than ever, this fic is based on my experiences and heavily reliant on things I've gone through/am going through. I wanna point out the fact that Angus is resistant to pain medication despite being in severe pain all the time, thinking he can get through it without the help, or that using it would make him "weaker". It's something that nearly everyone I've talked to with chronic pain deals with. Somewhere between society and doctors telling you that you just need to be stronger/try harder, our brains tend to read that as "I should be able to hand this without any help like a "normal" person would." This is why I had Lucretia very gently, but firmly, help Angus list all the reasons why he can and should take the pain medication if he needs it.

Overall, Angus's experiences, being based on my own, are about fibromyalgia- which I got diagnosed with after making this fic, and is why that's not a tag on it sldkfsd.

Buzzcuts and Braids: Kinda obvious, but the main symbolism in this is giving yourself a buzzcut/really short haircut. It's meant to represent change- Lucretia's change from Lucretia into Madam Director and then back to Lucretia again. It's about keeping your guard up/not feeling safe enough to let it down. I've buzzed my hair a few times, mainly because of things I wanted or needed to significantly change for my (mental) health.

Taako and Lup's ever-changing hair colors is mostly inspired by my older sibling, who has a different hair color every time I see him sldfksd. She actually influences a lot of my Taako and Lup, partly bc Sibling Energy and partly bc they're the one who introduced me to TAZ.

I love, love, love the relationship between Taako and Lucretia specifically in this. Taako isn't the first one to come to Lucretia for a haircut, Lup is. But eventually their relationship grows past just cutting hair to where Taako is coming to her for advice rather than just to cope with a death. I'm really proud of this paragraph in particular:

“And now it’s us,” Lucretia said, leaning back on one hand, and using the other to motion around the room as if motioning to the entire ship itself. “It’s the seven of us, against everything. It doesn’t have to be just Lup and Taako anymore. Lup and Barry… they’re in love, Taako, but so are the rest of us, in a way.”

because I think it truly shows the love/be loved for dynamic that has grown on the Starblaster, especially between Taako and Lucretia in this fic.

There are a few lines that just call back earlier in the fic for this. The line "don't you dare fuck it up" used to show how Taako and Lucretia have grown around each other. Similarly with the line “I don’t have to talk about my shit with you” though that one represents more of a revert in their relationship than a step forward.

And then "The world won’t end if you let yourself relax." / "She made herself relax. The world kept going." is just proving how far Lucretia has come to work through all the trauma she's been in after the Hunger. I've found that it's easier to grow my hair out when I'm not as worried about the things I was when I cut it and that's what I'm trying to get across in Lucretia.

I also wanna call attention to the wine/glass metaphor, which I was vv proud of. There are a lot of fics that delve into Taako's bitterness towards things Lucretia has done, but not as much about his bitterness about things that Lup has done. Taako is very bitter about a lot of things in this- he's upset about Lup dying, he's upset about the things Lucretia has done, and it's very obvious, like a red stain on a white carpet. It's sort of referenced in the second to last paragraph as well, with the forest fire mentioned at the end vs. the tree Taako set on fire at the beginning. He'll react one way and it'll seep into everything else he does.

In the opposite direction, Lup grieving/being bitter can also be very sharp, but while I think Taako closes in on himself to protect himself, Lup lashes out. She's the broken glass, she's sharp and dangerous until someone takes the time to pick through the pieces and help clean up. She needs people in a way that Taako doesn't really get and I like to imagine there's sorta a resentment there, on both ends.

I could explain every little detail of this fic but I'll spare you of that sldfsd. Last thing I gotta say is that Lucretia giving Lup a mullet is just a reference to Barry having a mullet in the GN. That's all sldfsd.

[palmett-hoes]

Do you have any fan casts or strong takes/feelings on the foxes’ appearances? Fandom tends to use the same Pinterest models, which feels wrong to me.

i do in fact! i've actually been meaning to make a post about how i choose to write all of the foxes' ethnicities anyway

but yes i absolutely agree that the typical pinterest model types u generally see on edits is not how i see any of them. nor is reece king or froy gutierrez or lucky blue smith one of my FCs for anyone

for a lot of them i don't necessarily have a single specific FC so much as i have like,, a general impression of features that i will see on various different people, who all may look wildly different from each other or who may not even look how i see the character as a whole but do have a specific feature i associate with them. mostly it boils down to the Energy i get tbh and that's just a Feeling i cant even explain

fun fact im a tiny bit face blind so that might account for some of why i'm so all-over about this

may as well go chronologically. some of them i definitely have more thoughts on than others

1. Dan

ethnicity: Afro Native (Sioux)

features: medium dark skin. buzzcut, killer fade. she often styles it in waves. she's very butch, wears a lot of basketball and cargo shorts, tank tops and flannels and jerseys, hiking boots. skinny but muscular, with a very rectangular body shape. defined jaw. probably like 5'4 or 5'5

FC/Energy: sometimes i get some dan energy out of janelle monae but more butch. lotta dan energy out of samira wiley. lashana lynch

2. Kevin

ethnicity: a lot of things tbd, but he's pretty multi-ethnic. i like the idea of kayleigh being half- or a quarter-japanese in addition to irish because it gives her more of a reason to go to japan for her undergrad. wymack is from d.c. which is a majority black city for its actual residents, but i also like the idea of him being Pasifika/Hawaiian. HOWEVER - and this is pretty important to my read of kevin's character - he's white passing, and has been mostly treated as a white guy who tans his whole life, like occasionally asked if he's italian maybe. learning that his father was a Distinctly Not White Man was a big shock to him.

kristin kreuk, lindsay price, phoebe cates, and marie digby are all half-asian actresses i base kayleigh on

i suppose i base his story partially on broadway actress carol channing, who revealed publically that she was a quarter black when she was like 80 years old. though maybe wentworth miller, a biracial actor who knows his father is black but also doesn't know him, is more accurate to kevin's story. then keanu reeves is a white passing actor with asian ancestry

also none of these people look anything like how i picture kevin lol. kevin is just like,, a guy. handsome ig. but kind of in a CW character kind of way

actually

kevin looks exactly like young jason momoa

3. Andrew

ethnicity: kayin/karen from myanmar

features: fat and muscular, very wide and heavy. this blog is basically all andrew body type refs. medium-olive skin, has a bit of a greyish tinge that makes him look a bit eerie or unhealthy. deep set, droopy eyes; looks so tired. flat face with a low-bridged nose. crooked teeth, especially his canines. natural hair black-ish but he bleaches it light blond. has the beginnings of martial artist punching callouses in his knuckles

FC/Energy: holy shit the characters i feel have Andrew Energy are all over the place. pedro pascal. babe ruth (yes fr). oddjob (harold sakata) from goldfinger. the jinn (mousa kraish) from american gods. gaear grimsrud (peter stormare) from fargo. takeshi kovacs (joel kinnaman) from altered carbon. and i wanna be clear, it's these characters specifically, and generally NOT the actors outside of that specific role. except pedro ❤️

4. Matt

ethnicity: cuban

appearance: matt has more of an Energy than specific features to me rn. that energy is Warm. he has that Warm bro jock dude energy. kind of a marvel hero build, hunky and muscular. very rectangular face. has this haircut:

5. Aaron

i get to cut myself some slack and not go AS in depth about aaron because he and andrew are identical twins

ethnicity: kayin/karen from myanmar

appearance: similar build to andrew, less confident and casual posture and body language. less apathetically murderous and more emotive expressions. better teeth bc his mom took him to the dentist. yes also bleaches his hair

celebrities: probably a lot like the difference between the characters and the actors. andrew is the characters and aaron is how the actors actually look. idk ive never looked at someone and thought 'hey! looks like aaron!'

6. Seth

ethnicity: have been going with half-vietnamese. considering looking into various south asian possibilities like pakistani

appearance: string bean build. that's all i have to offer

7. Allison

ethnicity: allison's very up in the air for me. she and seth are the two foxes i feel fine with being white, but im committing to having no white foxes sooo. i would say i generally see her as either half-middle eastern or chinese

appearance: plus sized and hourglass shaped. heart shaped face. taller, like 5'8 or 5'9. she has a pretty fraught history with her appearance and her parents payed for/pressured her into getting a nose job to have a 'prettier' nose. she also bleaches her hair blonde. she gets it done at a salon tho the twinyards do it in their bathroom

FC/Energy: elle king and nadia aboulhosn are my main inspos for her, esp body type but nadia esp in Vibes

8. Nicky

ethnicity: multi-ethnic. his mother is southern mexican Indigenous, possibly oaxacan. his father is mixed white/kayin

appearance: definitely takes after his mother while his father is white passing. dark brown skin, warm undertones. slightly stocky build. tall ovular head and thin aquiline nose. he's kind of just,, the opposite of the twins ig, so like their facial features look very different, which is a big part of why people don't make the connection between him and the twins alongside the difference in their skin tones, heights, and builds. nicky's build and features are very vertically-oriented, with a tall head, narrow-set eyes, thin nose with a high bridge, etc. the twins are horizontally-orienged, with broad, flat faces, wide-set eyes, wide noses with a low bridge, etc.

FC/Energy: yalitza aparicio, not a guy but one of the few Mexican Indigenous stars in the film industry and i really like her features for nicky. she's oaxacan

9. Renee

ethnicity: Black. african american

appearance: plus sized, circular/apple body shape. round face. dark skin. microlocs to a bit past her chin, bleached white and dyed at the ends. she and allison go to the salon together. femme but plain style, a lot of blouses and long skirts, practical shoes. knuckle callouses. about 5'6

FC/Energy: dominique fishback. tracie thoms, esp in RENT. gabourey sidibe. nicole byer, but not in Energy. brandy, for some reason, probably bc i think she has very serene Energy and is a little bit otherworldly. like if brandy played arwen or galadriel from lotr it would make perfect sense to me, and that's the Renee Energy™️

10. Neil

ethnicity: mixed. Black/Jewish on both sides. his father is polish ashkenazi and afro-brazilian. his mother is Black British and algerian jewish

appearance: very... sharp. like sharp all over. does that make sense? sharp features, sharp face shape, sharp angles to his body. he's got what i vaguely think of as a 'basketball build' not meaning tall but meaning very rangy and angular and lean. all limbs. seth has a similar build. lighter brown skin. he has waardenburg syndrome which is actually where he gets he gets his eye color, and his eyes are very large and widely spaced as well. freckles freckles freckles. freckles everywhere. 4a hair but at least during canon it's not very healthy and thus the curls aren't well-defined. he grows it out long enough to tie back and starts taking better care of it in post-canon. wonky, slightly crooked teeth, with a gap between the fronts

FC/Energy: now neil i actually have a ton for. mostly models which im a lil ashamed of bc i do try to draw more from athletes. alton mason is a main body type ref. mugsy bogues is good to see what i mean about the basketball build without the height. here're the boys: cykeem white, luka sabbat, désiré mia, Leo Hoyte-Egan, dylan hasselbaink, this beautiful stock photo model i've never been able to track down

i think about him every. goddamn. day.

in terms of like,, real ppl and not models: corbin bleu, especially during Jump In. figure skater elladj balde. rayan "ray ray" lopez from mindless behavior. A$AP Rocky a lil bit, maybe i just like his hairstyle idk

two more models i think are important: carissa pinkston and ralph souffrant

[spookyheaad]

Tesoro/Stella art & more headcanon talk (it’s more serious this time):

Trigger warning for mentions of self harm, PTSD, depression, suicide, and visuals of bodily scars

Just got my final covid shot today so you know what that means!!! Time to share more Tesoro/Stella art that I’ve been making, because I wanna interact with the three other Tesoro fans out there; help me take my mind off of this shit ass anxiety.

Headcanons will be peppered throughout, I’ll try to organize it as best as I can, I’m very anxious rn.

Just finished this the other day; more concepts for later chapters of the Tesoro/Stella fic. Also just - Tesoro with the buzzcut/dad hat/very casual combo is deeply special to me.

(((BTW you can click the images for higher quality)))

I AM GOING TO DIE ON THIS HILL RIGHT NOW: Gild Tesoro should have SCARS on his body after being enslaved, as should Stella. This is Tesoro’s one and only design flaw. I know it fits with his character to be this perfect, flawless god, but it’s not realistic to what he has gone through, so I give him scars.

I also do that because I personally feel that Tesoro & Stella can only be gentle towards each other; like - extremely gentle; “I’m afraid if I touch you too hard, you’ll crumble into dust between my fingers” kind of gentle. They are deeply afraid of hurting one another.

I like to compare their love for one another to penguins. Some penguin species have one special mate that they stay with for life; and Tesoro & Stella’s relationship & what it could have been somehow radiates that feeling to me. I think in canon, Tesoro would have tried to have a real connection with another woman like he did with Stella, but it all falls flat; doesn’t feel the same. That’s also why I think he had his three pool girls around (and they all somehow looked like Stella, or mirrored some of her physical traits/characteristics. Bitch this is so fucking sad). It says on the OP wiki that the three pool girls were there to give him affection, so of course he would want them to remind him of Stella in some way (😞).

In terms of mental illness, Tesoro obviously has PTSD. But I also think he has severe clinical depression with aspects of psychosis; this causes his god-complex like delusions of grandeur where he thinks that he’s a god and holds power over others. I was doing some research, severe depression can cause transient hallucinations and delusions, so seeing things, hearing things that all aren’t there, and delusions, as I stated above.

Stella also suffers from nearly the same things (PTSD & Depression), minus the psychosis aspect to her depression. The difference between the both of them is that Stella got help, learned to manage her symptoms, and take care of herself. Tesoro did not, so he’s been stuck in a cycle of self destructive and violent behavior (The Tesoro/Stella fic details this, and also depicts Tesoro finally being able to change and get help).

One thing that I’m very adamant about in regards to my depiction of Tesoro & Stella’s relationship is that this is not an “I can fix you!!” Type of ordeal, and I’m not romanticizing their struggles because “uwu it’s cute” or some crap like that. I take this fic somewhat seriously because mental illness doesn’t magically go away once you fall in love; it doesn’t really go away in general (that may vary on severity of the mental illness and other factors as well), I’ve personally learned to manage my mental illness, and that’s what a lot of others have to do as well. One reason why I love my “if Stella survived” AU is because they would literally be so supportive of one another’s struggles, and would be patient and unbelievably caring. Tesoro is’t trying to fix Stella & Stella isn’t trying to fix Tesoro. They’re just trying to move on; to make it to the next day, they’re growing and managing on their own, with each other by their side to support them when they need it. It’s once again a massive comfort for me, to have two characters that are in love, manage their mental struggles, learn from one another, and be supportive & stick with them if they’re having it rough.

Went on a bit of a rant there, but basically my depiction of Tesoro/Stella is mutually loving, and they genuinely care about each other’s well being. There’s none of that “I can fix them!!” shit, and I try to depict them struggling with mental illness in a very real way instead of the “I’m sad and depressed” *meets someone* “I am no longer sad, my depression is magically gone”. That stuff I take seriously, especially as someone who deals with a debilitating mental illness as well as depression. It ain’t cute, it ain’t fun.

I’ll just go over this headcanon very briefly, but I do think that they both have issues with self harm; Tesoro more than Stella because as I said earlier she was able to get help and manage her symptoms. Both have also dealt with suicidal ideation. I don’t want to go into too much detail because I know it’s a very sensitive thing, but because of the severe trauma they go through, I would see these things being prevalent (especially when you keep in mind that many escaped world noble slaves end up taking their lives).

That’s all I really have for now, I’m gonna go relax for a bit, probably make more Tesoro/Stella fanart because my dad took the day off tomorrow so I can rest.

[corneliushickey]

tagged @doomsayings  

favorite color: pink!!! a soft rosy pink

currently reading: dark waters by koji suzuki; friend me on goodreads we can do our 2021 reading challenges together

last movie: oxygen (2021) and i LOVED it!! rly fun little suspense horror bit and shockingly good for a netflix original

last series: i am currently watching lokitv with my family in a headlock watching beside me we are having fun do not mind the cable ties they're fine they want to be here

finished mare of easttown with my mom and loved it! started watching banshee and was excited for toni starr to turn it out but he is not doing that lmao this show belongs on the cw and with a buzzcut he looks way way waaaaay too much like my brother for how many s*x scenes there are

sweet, spicy, or savory: sweet 🍦🍩🍧🍪🍨🥧🎂🍯🍰🍮🧁🍵🍫🍭🧋🍬

craving: nothing at the moment

tea or coffee: coffee!!! but trying very hard to drink less bc i finally made the connection that caffeine makes my anxiety really unbearable

my sister in law showed me some ukranian strawberry tea recently that i rly liked

currently working on: i technically have a very self indulgent wip going rn but I haven't touched it in a while... wanted to pick up a longer work i've had on hiatus for almost... two years now :| but the hyperfocus has left me... also i am at the beginning stages of making a blanket which im super excited to work on after a month away

i tag you!! yes you.