#but i like the idea of a tiny home. itll just be us and maybe some pets so we dont need lots of space

[do-any-of-you-see-it]

Not me having a deep conversation with my boyfriend about our future and then the next day going on Pinterest to look up tiny homes with big garages because that's what he wants to live in someday. Gotta love the dichotomy of deep conversation to Pinterest digging.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

@intertexts OKAY. FINALLY GETTING MY SHIT TOGETHER AND WRITING THIS ALL DOWN SO ITS NOT JUST ROTATING IN MY BRAIN ANYMORE

NEW HAVEN WARDS MARK WINTERS ESSAY (except its more like. stream of consciousness me being insane over him)

>> its been too long, simurgh is too close. she fucking ROCKS half the city with an earthquake before she shows up. ashe runs inside as the roof collapses. his mom is trapped- she had grabbed her phone and some other small essentials and was on her way out when she got pinned by the rubble. ive typed this part out already in another post but as shes yelling at ashe trying to get him to leave, she realizes he wont go by himself so she texts mark . its kind of a shot in the dark- part of her hopes he hasnt evacuated yet so he can come get ashe and get him to safety, but she immediately feels this sense of dread for thinking like that because then that also means he's in as much danger as they are. and she can hear the singing now- some tiny part of her brain logically knows its too late and theyll be trapped by the quarantine protocols anyway, but. they can still get out of that alive. they just need to get there. anyway the important thing here is that the last thing ever hears from his wife is a text that says "ashe athome cant lea e come get hjm"

adding jonesys stupid fucking image in here bc it's so funny to me and is fr how I felt typing this whole thing up for like 4 hours

>> okay going to try my hardest to keep this chronological but i KNOW i will get distracted from that halfway through. starting from the simurgh attack. assuming simurgh attacks look pretty similar to each other, ive been imagining this a lot like the one we actually got to see with the travelers. the notice to evacuate went out in the early afternoon. (im going to say on a wednesday because thats the day i used in my fic and this is OUR AU i get to make the emotionally devastating rules. not that that matters to anyone but me. its a little treat.) so. mark was at work, ashe was at school, i like 2 think ashes mom works in somehting to do with old things or books or whatever so she was probably at work too. her IMMEDIATE thought is to go get ashe from school, because of course it is! (worldbuilding side note i think there are probably evac protocols in place for schools where. first priority is to keep the kids Togehter and get them out first so theyre SUPPOSED to evacuate straight from there and then meet up with their parents when everything is safe. but in a real emergency what parent is going to trust that and just leave their kids safety up to someone else?) she gets to the school and it is absolute chaos with all of the other parents trying to do the same thing. she gets ashe, goes to call mark to tell him where they are and- oh, yeah. she forgot her phone at home this morning. i just. like. the mundanity in that. its a normal morning, she maybe woke up late and had to rush out the door, got to work realized she didnt have her phone, had the thought like "damn thats frustrating. oh well, not like ill need it, ill just get it when im home later" we've all had days like that!!!!!!!!! but it becomes fucking heartbreaking in this situation because it means she now has No Way of contacting her husband to let him know that she has ashe and to tell him not to go to the school (because hes probably thinking the same thing) and to get out and where to meet them when theyre out. she KNOWS its a bad idea, she knows it would be catastrophic if they took too long... but all the other cars are going in the opposite direction, the road back is completely empty, surely they can be fast enough? she knows exactly where she left it, itll take two seconds and hey maybe the roads will be empty enough at that point they can get out even faster. so they fucking RUSH back home. she tells ashe to stay in the car wiht the doors locked while she runs inside.. he is scared and confused and doesnt want to be alone so after. maybe 30 seconds of her being gone he gets out of the car and goes inside.

>> switching to mark pov finally. evac notice goes out, he fucking books it to his car. but because its important to me that hes a little bit of a coward. this is where he hesitates. he knows he should find his family. meet up with them, make sure theyre all okay and they all make it out together. he's also logical. he knows this is a bad idea and his wife's job is closer to the school, shes probably already got ashe and theyre on their way out too. he can just leave. but he hasnt heard anything from her. thats not like her, she would call or something if they were okay, wouldnt she? so he kind of. panics over what he should do. he starts driving, telling himself he'll make up his mind on the road. hes about halfway to the end of the quarantine zone when he gets the text. has a moment of "fuck why are they there?" before immediately deciding to go get them. finds the aftermath of ashe's trigger. ashe is in breaker state, unresponsive except for... why is he laughing. hes sitting on the floor, knees up to his chest hands over his head jsut kind of. staring into the middle distance eyes unfocused quietly loopy laughing like hes totally unaware of the. scene.

>> mark is like. frozen there for a minute obviously horrified and he thinks ashe is having some kind of mental break at the shock and horror (he doesnt. understand that ashe killed her yet) until he goes and tries to get him to stand up and . oh the floor is unstable and bouncy like a trampoline and as soon as he touches ashe's shoulder hes knocked back by a pain in his hand that suspiciously feels like a joybuzzer turned up to 11. okay! fuck! his kid is a fucking parahuman and his wife is dead and the singing in his head just keeps getting louder and he knows what that means and he knows they have to get the hell out of there but hows he gonna do that when he cant get within 5 feet of ashe-

>> i think he just has to like. sit there and talk to ashe. which is a uniquely horrible punishment because it kills so much time in a situation where they need to get out, now, and the whole time theyre in the same room with whats left of a bloody corpse (but he cant think about that right now) and he has to be calm and keep his voice low because every sudden movement makes ashe's powers flare up again in response to a perceived threat- its MESSY, its SLOW its TERRIBLE but he needs ashe to calm down enough that he can actually talk to him and get him out. he eventually does (it feels like hours later, it was probably only like.. 10 minutes) and the weird distortions stop and mark just. runs forward and picks him up and takes him out to the car before ashe can. see what else is in the room.

>> he doesnt even bother putting ashe in another seat in the car he just holds him in his lap as he drives (oh god there are wings in the sky) just. as fast as he fucking can to whatever checkpoint or hospital or safe zone there is for any survivors. theres. not many. enough that the two of them can get lost in the crowd if they try hard enough but . not enough to fill an auditorium. he's maybe got a bunch of really small scrapes or bruises from the process of trying to get ashe to calm down but he doesnt know whether ashe is actually hurt or not so he goes to find some sort of medical attention and the whole time hes thinking "maybe this is a bad idea. i shouldnt tell them ashe has powers what if they take him away" and he gets the same sort of rundown about quarantine and payment that krouse got and mark is just standing there fucking shaking, hes still carrying ashe, he hasnt put him down since they left the house (ashe is still out of it- not because of his powers but because of. everything) and i think thats the breaking point where mark makes up his mind like. fuck this. we cant stay here, we cant go through all of the bullshit protocols, we cant wait that long (he can still hear simurgh in his head- what if shes pushing him to make this choice? is that exactly what she wants? who cares im getting my son somewhere safe)

>> i think mark is really good at. compartmentalizing and pushing down any emotion thats not anger and turning to logic in panic situations rather than emotion. so he hasnt like. fully processed any of this yet. he was more focused on "solve the problem, get out, get safe" to actually think about the fact that. oh my wife is dead. ashe doesnt have a mom anymore. ashe has powers now. how is he gonna deal with a powered kid? he never really cared about capes what does he even do now? i dont think any of this hits him until theyre out of the quarantine zone hiding out somewhere safe (as safe as they can be after. all of that) and his head is quiet and ashe is asleep and he looks down at his phone and sees the text and it all comes crashing down like. oh my god that was real. shes gone. he doesnt even have anything of hers and he never will because their house is basically gone and they can never go back and- FUCK HIM UP!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK HIM UP i want him to have a fucking breakdown . villain origin story moment he realizes nothing is ever going to be okay or normal ever again because theyve been marked by simurgh and hes already broken a huge fucking law how much worse can it get? what else does he have to lose. everything in his life revolves around keeping them safe and keeping ashe out of danger. simurgh be damned if hes going to become an agent of chaos it might as well be on his own terms to protect whats left of his family.

>> i think they move around a lot after that, never staying in one place for too long, never doing anything that make people look at them too closely. mark does a bunch of odd jobs, but its hard to get a job when youre legally dead and have no experience with making a fake identity so. theres a lot of stealing. never anything that would garner cape attention, at least at first, and if people started to get too suspicious theyd just pack up and move again.

>> and then mark does something that DOES draw cape attention. idk what it would be, but it captures the attention of. a guy who knows a guy who works for overlord. hey man you seem like you could use a job. off the books. so he joins up as like a... foot soldier mercenary whatever for overlord. this job is risky- hes essentially a full time criminal now (but what does that matter, he already broke the law), he has to spend extended periods of time away from home, he has to kill people sometimes now... but the money is worth it. he's okay with being a number, a blank face in the crowd, because it means he wont get the immediate fallout if something goes wrong. that gets put on whoever his boss is. ashe is maybe 13/14 by this point, he can take care of himself at home. mark gives himself a limit, hes never going to be away from home for more than 3 days (which he eventually extends into 5 days, which then turns into a week-). he is. really fucking good at his job. hes smart, he can be ruthless when he needs to be, he's efficient. no identity means no friends which means no slacking off on the job. this is all he has, he needs this, so hes good at it.

>> he starts to move up the ranks, take bigger (but never riskier) jobs, and it catches overlord's attention. overlord offers him a promotion. offer being in air quotes here. he lays everything out plain and simple- youre good, youre going to join my personal elite team, i know who you are and why youre running. i can offer you an out, get you and your son (oh god oh fuck overlord knows about his kid) a new life, a new identity, nobody will have any reason to suspect you. and also in order to join you have to take this (cauldron vial!!! + canon parallel to the like. forced experimentation on harttawa)

>> mark doesnt want pwoers. he doesnt want to be a cape. but overlord knows about ashe, knows about their history, and if he turns down this offer theyre both fucked. so logic takes over emotion again and he accepts it, leans into the position, stays as fucking ruthless as ever. but its Different now. hes a cape, he has a secret identity, a name, people are Looking at him now, even if all they see is a costume.

>> silly sidebar for ME here but this period of time is where he meets tide :] forever thinking about ur nhw tidalwave post. fight to maim, not kill.

>> a couple years pass like this and its Fine. ashe is 17 now, mark knows hes fucked up (theyre both fucked up) but hes too deep into this job now to give it up. its kept them safe and in place for this long, he can fool himself into believing they can stay like this . ashe does not have the same train of thought. hes lonely, hes miserable, hes bored, he just wants to have a life! they fight a lot about this. they fight a lot about this and sometimes mark leaves in the middle of it because he gets called on a job so nothing ever gets resolved. they have a particularly rough fight and mark gets pulled away in the middle of it to answer a phonecall, and when he comes back ashe is still pissed but hes just so tired and defeated that hes like "listen. we'll deal with this later, i have to go for a few days, there are groceries in the fridge, do whatever you want, just stay here, be safe, dont be stupid" and then he leaves! and ashe is still pissed and his dad is a hypocrite (why does he get to go out and use his powers and put himself in dangerous situations when ashe gets in trouble for floating the tv remote to the kitchen table while hes eating breakfast, and never gets to leave the house or go to school or have friends or-) . and this is where he makes the decision to sneak out the first time!!

>> he starts sneaking out more often, usually only when he knows mark is gonna be gone for extended periods of time, he gets good at disabling the tinker devices, he has friends!! everything is good!!!! mark finds out when he gets home from a job early and ashe is gone. and he fucking freaks out, hes ready to tear up city streets, hes ready to go on a fucking rampage... but then he hears the window open as he climbs back into his room . its a big like. "oh shit" moment on ashes part, he doesnt think hes ever seen his dad this angry before, he threatens to put bars on the goddamn windows, etc (mark has a reason to be as angry as he does- if anything ever happens to ashe everything hes ever done will have been for nothing. but its still. harsh.)

>> i think once everything cools down from this they do have an actual talk about it that isnt a fight; ashe tells him he has friends now and he just wants to be normal, be a kid, he cant spend anymore time in his room its killing him knowing hes wasting his life like this etc. i think mark maybe reluctantly agrees to letting him go out with his friends (he doesnt know who they are yet, ive GOTTA believe he knows tide hes had to have fought or at least seen the wards before, theres no way he would say yes to this if he knew thats who ashe was talking about) but gives him strict like. dont use your powers ever, curfews and check in texts and a code system and its a little Too Much but ashe is just. giddy at all of it because !! curfews are a thing Normal kids get!! he gets to go hang out with his friends without the looming threat of sneaking out to do it !!!

>> ashe starts using his powers anyway because his friends are capes and !!! he is also technically a cape!! he can help!!!! i think he starts out by beggingggg to go on patrol with them sometimes (i wont even do anything, i just want to see what its like, you guys know i have powers too i can handle myself, dont be like my dad etc etc) i think the wards are pretty reluctant to do that bc they know what its really like but. man. its ashe. he deserves Something. it becomes more frequent and serious and the prt handler tells them they should recruit him.

>> mark is sooooooo fucking against ashe joining the wards. because of course he is he has to be. ESPECIALLY considering. hey. hes a villain, working for one of the most notorious villains in the city, being put in a situation where he has to choose between fighting his son or losing overlords protection is a HUGE NIGHTMARE SCENARIO. (he would choose to say fuck overlord with no hesitation, no way he would even consider the other option, but he also knows what kind of consequences a choice like that would have)

>> hey. actually. that gives me an idea. what if thats exactly the scenario that leads up to the whole trickster thing. overlord wants to be proactive, launch an attack on the wards, they just got a dangerous new member lets go see what kind of powers theyve got. mark obviosuly refuses. overlord does not take being told no very kindly. hey what if this is how mark gets the lizard stuff. instead of getting it as a side effect mutation of his powers, he pisses off overlord, the guy who has a morbid fascination with animal human hybrids and genetic experimentation. ive solved everything!!!!!! (<< guy who is fucking insane. please imagine me with mad science hair and crazy eyes as i am saying this. dr. cross who?)

>> mark effectively goes missing while overlord has him captive, ashe is freaked out because his dad has never left without telling him first, but maybe it was an emergency or whatever... until his hard limit on jobs passes. its been over a week and no contact whatsoever. hes gone. ashe gets fucked up about this

>> mark is unconscious for the entire trickster thing. he was unmasked for the experimentation so when the heroes come to clean up the aftermath they dont recognize him as one of the villains (tide does. tide doesnt tell anyone) and take him to. a hospital rather than prison. he is fuuuucked up when he wakes up. gotta adjust to a WHOLE lot of freaky lizard things. hes kind of out of it, understandably, so nobody... tells him. its only a few days later, when mark is more lucid and can stand on his own two feet without losing balance, and when he can see properly again, tide visits him (tide has been visiting him the whole time, not that he'd remember it much, because who else will. who else will!) tide tells him ashe is missing. he breaks the news as gently as he possibly can because its gonna be a shitshow either way (he knows how mark is gonna react no matter what. waiting doesnt help either because then hes just pissed that he was lied to for days ("you coudlnt even stand, how was i supposed to tell you then?" "i dont know, i wouldve done something. he could be anywhere by now")

>> mark goes sooooo rogue. he goes so very rogue. hes literally got nothing to lose anymore. the wards try to work with him, try to help him, because theyre looking for ashe too, but he thinks theyre too slow, too good, too afraid to do things that actually need to be done. he goes too far and gets put in the birdcage.

>> i think he probably loses it a little bit in the birdcage. hardcore despair depression that turns into just this awful terrible rage. hes mad at himself for not being able to stop it, hes mad at ashe because this is what he WARNED him about for YEARS and if he only would have listened, hes mad at the world, hes mad at SIMURGH . all nhw mark winters knows is be so full of grief and rage at all times

>> breaks out of the birdcage (still insane abt this btw) and goes back on his. sort of rampage. the wards stop him (tide is. retired at this point. that happened while mark was in jail) and they try to talk some sense into him, maybe they get him to slow down just a little bit, enough to tell him what theyve learned (not much). mark and everyone else eventually learn about muse. mark winters worlds most miserable man is watching every single one of his nightmares play out in front of him and he realizes this is what simurgh marked them for. hes watching his son, unmasked, level a fucking town in some gaudy outfit he knows ashe would never wear and hes calling himself muse and thats not what his laugh sounds like and

>> okay im a little more fuzzy past this point. i said this mostly joking before but i DO think there should be a moment where. mark is up against muse and hes trying to talk to ashe like he did that first night to get him out of breaker state and ashe gets one lucid moment where he just starts crying and babbling about losing marks jacket and hes so sorry but that only lasts about 2 minutes before trickster gets control of him again. this is the catalyst for them realizing that yeah, ashe IS still in there and it might be possible to break him out .

>> god. all of that was plot and i didnt even talk about Little Things which are my favorite. heres a collection of Little Things:

>> i want him to keep his weird terrible lizard biology <3 maybe its not as smooth a transition as in canon, maybe hes just got the scales and the eye and not. the tail or infrared sense or whatever. but he Could. as a Treat for Me.

>> i actually... ironically think mark is a better dad in this au than he is in canon. like. dont get me wrong hes still awful and he sucks but. hes working with the knowledge here that no matter what he does he and ashe are still doomed and hes always waiting for the other shoe to drop and hes more scared and theres nothing he can do about it so. he makes more of an effort to Actually Care about his son. before overlord he never wouldve missed a birthday for anyhting. theyre all each other has.

>> that little bit of dialogue i typed up for mark earlier. stay here, be safe, dont be stupid. be safe, dont be stupid. he says that a lot, always in that order. enough that when ashe is with the wards sometimes he'll also say it. dakota "im going to pick up the pizza" ashe from the couch "be safe dont be stupid" (IMMEDIATE recoil as he thinks about it for more than a second because he has an oh god i sound like my dad moment. but everyone else finds it endearing)

>> THE COAT!!!!!!!! THECOAT. i think about the coat a lot. its just. a random one that ashe grabbed from the closet the first time he snuck out. but it was a good size, exactly as baggy as he likes, hey! he found old money in the pocket! so he just like. claims it as his own and neither of them ever say anything about it but its suuuuch. comfort clothing for ashe and he doesnt like thinking about why. it just is. he wears it EVERYWHERE all the time, its the one piece of clothing the rest of the wards never steal beacuse they know its important to him.

>> there is exactly one (1) surviving picture of ashes mom outside of their old house and its a crumpled polaroid mark had in his wallet from when ashe was a baby.

>> he will never admit this to himself or anyone else but. as much as mark is scared for ashe and scared for both of their safety and what it means for them to be simurgh victims... he is also scared OF ashe, even just subconsciously . he has nightmares about finding ashe that day, laughing. about what mightve happened if he wasnt able to break ashe out of that state. about what mightve happened if he had never gotten that text and continued on with the evac protocols. i need that blonde man to be fucking miserable

>> literally always thinking about your tidalwave post. never not thinking about your tidalwave post. i dont even have much to add here other than i really like nhw tidalwave a lot. the aftermath of the leviathan fight makes me crazy even if thats mostly one-sided on tides part.

>> his tinker specialty is power enhancement. he makes devices that make his and other peoples powers stronger or extend their range. the drawback is that the devices need to be Connected to the person using them in some way (thinking about the ports he has on his back in canon. his gauntlets clamp down on his forearms. overlord had him make each of the capes under his power something that enhances them too so theyve all got little. gadgets embedded in them somehow) (begs the question can he also make things that dampen powers? is this falling too far into Trump category?)

>> he got ashe his headphones as a birthday present when he was like... 15 . their fights had been getting more frequent as he had to be away from home more and ashe was fully in his angsty teen "i hate my dad" phase, but mark had been working w overlord for like a year at that point and money wasnt as much of an issue anymore so he got ashe like. the most high quality noise cancelling headphones he could possibly find.

okay i think thats all. its nearly 1am lmao!!!!!

[kozykricket]

maybe i already posted about this but like PLA is about how pokemon effect people, its people and pokemon before they truly came together what if either because of the time, or because of kalos being more used to pokemon, they're... well, already together with pokemon at the point in Z-A? and. its moreso about how people will be effecting pokemon the other way around. people had concerns about how dangerous pokemon are in PLA, but i think Z-A will have pokemon concerned about how dangerous humans are take into consideration that Zygardes whole thing is that it like, comes out when something threatens the balance. of like ecosystems and stuff ...i really do think that itll go as follows: -kalos is still kinda in ruins from the war (but because GF is wimpy the game will start after they've already started tidying up quite a bit) -they still haven't properly fixed up the main, grand capital of the region... -the redevelopment plan of lumiose city starts, to make it something even grander than it was before destruction -...the plans in question are quite dystopian, and don't really make much room for pokemon. i think the villains will be the urban planners lmao. to be fair though there IS some like, hints that. the redevelopments main attempt is to make a city where both people and pokemon can thrive so... maybe the plans ARENT dystopian, but there still is an Evil Team of sorts who is like "pff why care about the pokemon. cmon we can just like, Use Them (team plasma would be malding rn) and make a city just for people." and uh, either zygarde gets pissed at everyone because these people start trying to like, destroy pokemons habitats and... take lumiose citys development way too far or zygarde somehow sends us to the past because it wants us to avert this from happening lul but yea, i think thats where i stood for a while and now even further do based on vague hints ( just. from like... real france history that lockstin mentioned, as well as the tiny bits of info on the pokemon website, and a few vague things from a leaker that are probably not even related to Z-A)

now if they were crazy (cool), we'd get a bad ending . take the route where you agree with fucking up the homes of wild pokemon and making the entirety of kalos into a giant metropolis. zygarde then destroys it and helps nature reclaim the city, and you have a post apocalyptic- yea no lol

i... guess technically like, this idea was reinforced due to leaks? but it was an idea i already had and talked to people about. i just think being eco friendly will be a big theme in Z-A, is something i was reminded of. by a leaker posting something vaguely related to Trash and Recycling but was probably a shitpost

[substanceuser971]

made the connection between my addictive tendencies and my attachment issues both stemming partly from a feeling of wanting to recreate initial happy memories. it feels like other people are able to move on with their lives easier than im able to. people seem to n=be able to move on from me as soon as i stop being interesting and novel to them, while im stuck wanting to keep replaying what we had when we started, and it plays out the same way with drugs, trying to recreate that same way i felt those first few times i got drunk or high. it feels like i keep trying to create a tiny little time loop that i can live in forever instead of accepting when things arent as good as they used to be. and one feeds into the other too, people have left me for struggling with substance dependence and i depend on booze and weed to cope with feeling abandoned. its a really vicious cycle

ive been doing pretty okay with staying sober lately, but its mostly because i cant afford to stock back up on weed and the only alcohol i have is beer which isnt kosher for passover. today my landlord and his friend came over to do some renovations and they shared a joint with me, and it felt great to finally get high again but i also feel like it sent my brain right back into the mindset of needing to get high daily and keep it in my system. another part of why i get intoxicated so much is because i get fucking horrifically bored and understimulated, and weed and booze are the easiest way to stave off the feeling, so lately ive been trying to put my energy into hobbies and find other ways to stay stimulated as replacement behaviors for using. its been effective and its been a great feeling to be more productive and have more mental capacity to do things i enjoy. but after smoking this afternoon, once i came down from the high, i felt more bored than i have in a good while. the experience makes me think that maybe pot in particular causes me to be dependent on it to fight off boredom, and the lack of boredom it temporarily provides me makes anything i do while sober feel more boring by comparison.

honestly, i dont have faith right now that ill be able to refrain from buying more weed as soon as my paycheck comes in. my finances really arent great, but i have a slight buffer from my upcoming tax return covering my rent for may, and its way too easy for me to just take a bus downtown and hit up one of the many many dispensaries we have here. i can try to put it off for as long as possible, but itll only take a quick moment of my self control faltering enough for me to end up on the bus and then ill come home with enough flower to last me at least a couple weeks. sunk cost fallacy, if ive already bought the bus pass ill feel guilty if i just change my mind and go right back home. maybe if that happens, i can try replacing a dispensary trip with a bit of wandering downtown, check out the shops i havent gotten to see yet and maybe buy myself a cheap trinket or two, or a little snack. i think that would be a good idea, and it would most likely be cheaper without making me feel like i wasted money on the bus pass. i might try to do that if i end up on my way to a dispensary. but really, i dont know if i have the self control to keep from restocking my stash even with that backup plan in place, because its just so fucking easy to get my hands on it as long as i have the money to pay for it, and its so tempting because it feels so good to get high that i end up disregarding the consequences until they hit me.

it feels better waking up in the morning when i fell asleep sober. in the past couple weeks, when ive barely gotten high or drunk, its been a lot less of a pain getting out of bed in the morning, and i always feel groggier on the mornings after using. its uncomfortable and i dont like how hard it is to wake up. on the other hand though, my insomnia has been a lot harder to control since ive had to cut back on weed. it was far from fixed even when i was getting high nightly, but it at least kept my brain fro buzzing so much that i couldnt relax. lately i keep staying awake for like 30 hours at a time even though i get delirious staying awake that long. even right now i just feel exhausted and i want to sleep, but i have too much going on in my brain thats demanding i stay awake and Do Things despite being too sleep deprived to actually do much of anything effectively. im pretty sure i have some kind of sleep disorder, because ive struggled with insomnia and fucked up sleep patterns for years, but i also kind of think cutting back on cannabis could be exacerbating it. the joint from earlier got left with me, and we all only took a couple hits, so ive still got like half a joint left and its tempting to smoke a little more. i think the main things stopping me are the fact that my body feels too exhausted to get out of bed, and the fear of rekindling my dependence on it only to have to go without weed for a few more days.

[corysmiles]

Theres a... lot of amgst right now, and I think Im on Blues side with just wanting some fluff lately. So heres some fluffy giant house hcs!!

• The giant fam struggle with figuring out how to live with a human at first, there all worried about scaring or hurting Techno so they extremely overcompensate for being gentle and making sure they know where he is so they cant accidentally step on him or something. Techno finds it sweet, especially in comparison to how terrifying it was to be around them before he knew they werent going to hurt him, but it gets old. This is how they come up with the idea to instal walking ledges around the house so Techno doesnt even need to be on the floor anymore.

• Techno introduces them to Steve, the field mouse he befriended. They all love him. Steve stays in his human sized house extension usually, and quickly learns to take advantage of the walking ledges.

• Wilburs almost always awake at night so once Technos out in the open, he always notices when his tiny older brother isnt sleeping as well. He will always scoop him up and make him nap in his hands, cradling him against his chest.

• Tommy got jealous that Techno was always picking Phil for extra warmth on colder days, he decided to show off how warm his fuz was by kidnapping Techno from one of the crows trying to take him to Phil. Techno wasnt happy about either Tommy or the crow grabbing him, but Tommy definitely proved to be a cozy shoulder to sit on.

• When Phil first invents the shrinking potion so they can visit Techno during tournaments, he had to test out how long they lasted first. But he wanted the potions to be a surprise so he had Tommy and Wilbur take Techno out of the house for the day for some distractions. Phil is back to normal size by the time they return, but Techno cant help but wonder why Phils suddenly training his crows to stop grabbing and playing with Techno when he used to let them do it even at his own request to fetch him. (The crows played with Phil the whole time he was tiny. Phil did not appreciate it, especially when one got him completely sealed in its beak. He never realized how scary it was.)

• Technos complaining about the cold again, it is winter after all, but Tommy and Phil are both out getting food for the house. Wilbur doesnt have feathers or fuzz though. So instead, he gets a small mug and fills it with hot tea. Techno is weary of the idea at first but Wilbur assures him that this tea is really good for the skin! Itll be a double bonus to getting warmed up! So he tries it, and it is very nice. But Tommy and Phil absolutely make fun of the man terrified of giants mere weeks ago willingly sitting in a mug of tea when they get home.

• I don't know if you had any plans for Tubbo and Ranboo in this, but I was thinking... what if they were human (hybrids still, but human sized) that Tommy befriends during a visit to the human world to watch Techno compete? He starts spending his time between Technos matches with them, until Techno finds out and is worried Tommy will accidentally reveal himself to these two random kids he just met. We could have this whole hidden identity (species in this case) plot like from a movie that ends with Tommy being forcibly revealed as a Giant, maybe Tommy gets captured by bad people and Techno doesnt know but Ranboo and Tubbo saw, so Tommy thinks hes done for when the two humans surprise him by coming to rescue him instead of writing him off as a monster like Techno made him worry they would? 👀

Angst is fun but fluff is good for the soul, dont forget to keep a healthy balance!! Take care of yourself!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Omg yes I love these ideas

Man the one about Phil training the crows to stop picking up Techno is so good. He would feel so bad for letting them grab Techno without realizing how scary it is.

And yes!! I love the idea of Tommy meeting Tubbo and Ranboo as humans. Maybe he’d even steal some of the potion and go to visit them without Techno when they become closer. Of course if Phil ever found out Tommy would be in so much trouble.

And I think that Techno would be so awkward about wanting to be held anyway so the fact that the giants want to hold him would be really nice (even if he wouldn’t say it). Also Wilbur would get Techno his own mug to be his own little hot tub during the winter

Tommy would try to teach Steve tricks. Like he’d give the Moshe pieces of cheese for rolling over meanwhile Techno is mad for turning his awesome mouse into a house pet.

After Tommy saved Techno from the crow he’d braid pieces of Tommy’s hair just so he could sit on his warm shoulders. When Phil and Wilbur saw the small braids that asked for it too, and now they all have tiny braids from Techno.

Also the idea of Tommy having to reveal himself as a giant to Ranboo and Tubbo is soooo good. Like it could be one of the times he visits them without telling his family and the potion wears off too fast. Then maybe a fighter like Techno would see him and try to slay (or even sell) him. It would be up to Tubbo and Ranboo to find their friend

Sorry it took me so long to get back to this, I really love all these ideas can’t wait for more giant house au stuff 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

[hockeyisit]

Celebrate

Summary: Auston and Amelia celebrate the twins fifth birthday. 

A.N: Hope you enjoy! More notes at the end.

Word Count: 5,405

Masterlist

I felt a soft foot kick me in the stomach as I felt tiny hands reaching out and grabbing onto my arm.

“Shh,” I heard Noah whisper. I peeked an eye open to see Noah pushing Kai down in between me and him. Another small leg kicking me in the stomach. I looked over their heads to take a look at Auston. He had a slight smirk on his face as he lazily grinned at the boys.

“Don’t wake Mama,” Noah whispered, pushing down in between Auston and Kai.

“Yeah don’t wake Mama,” Auston grumbled as he wrapped his arm around them pulling them in tight. Noah let out a loud squeal as he leaned into the touch.

“Papi, it's our birthday,” Kai grinned as he sat up.

“Were five,” Noah cheered.

“I know buds happy birthday,” Auston smiled as he reached out to ruffle Noah’s hair because he was closest to Auston.

“Are we going to have cake?” Noah asked sitting up on the bed causing it to shake.

“Of course bud. Now maybe we should get out of bed and let Mama sleep a bit more,” Auston told them as he helped them off the bed. Auston shuffled them to the door before turning back to me.

“Get a bit more rest and then come down when you're ready,” Auston called out. I nodded in affirmative as I buried myself deeper into my blanket. It was the twins fifth birthday and I couldn't believe how much they had grown. I wanted to get ready so that I could go down and join them but truthfully I hadn't been feeling all too well lately. I laid in bed for another ten minutes as I felt waves of nausea come by but never felt the need to get up.

When I was finally starting to feel a little better I pulled myself out of the bed and made my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth and go pee. Once I was done I made my way down the stairs to hear my three boys cooking in the kitchen.

“Hmm smells nice in here,” I smiled as I walked over to Auston placing a quick kiss on his lips. The boys noticed calling out “ew” as they watched. I turned around with an evil smirk as I made my way over to them.

“Hi babies happy birthday,” I grinned, kneeling in front of them and reaching forward to place a kiss on both of their cheeks. This was one of the twins' first birthdays where we didn’t already have plans. Auston and I had decided that we would ask the twins what they wanted to do and decide from there.

“I want to go to a baseball game!” Kai said right away. Auston and I shared a quick look.

“No. Skate!” Noah denied as he took a bite of his pancakes that were in front of him.

“Don’t eat with your mouth open,” Auston scolded Noah as he turned the stove off. Noah’s mouth immediately snapped shut.

“Can we get a cat?” Kai asked for almost the fifth time in the last week. I looked up to share a look with Auston. We had been talking a lot about it ever since he started asking. We weren't sure at first because neither Auston or myself had ever had a cat before. We were also nervous about the idea of Felix not liking a cat in the home.

“Honey I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. We have Felix,” I told him as I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Pleasee Charlie has Zues and a cat,” he pointed out as he glanced over to Auston.

“Well that’s true but getting another pet is a big responsibility and cats are very different from dogs,” A look of annoyance crossed Kai’s face for a quick second before relaxing again.

“I know Mama. I asked Charlie all about it. I can do it,” he reassured reaching out to grab my cheeks in his hand.

“I promise,” he said. I let out a small laugh as I reached up to tap his chin.

“I know bud,” I glanced up to look at Auston who was staring at us with a face of wonder.

“Papi can I have more bacon?” Noah asked looking over his chair to look at Auston.

“Yeah,” Auston slipped some bacon onto Noah's plate. When he was done he hovered for a moment before giving me the go ahead.

“Well if your sure that you can take care of a cat then we can go look to the shelter today,” I reached out and gave his shoulder a squeeze. He beamed at me as he hopped out of his seat.

“No way,” he exclaimed jumping up and down. Auston and I let out a laugh as we watched him.

“Way,” Auston teased reaching out to pat Kai on the back. Kai beamed up at Auston before wrapping his small arms around Austons legs. He pulled away and looked at Noah.

“C’mon Noah we have to get ready so we can get a cat,” Kai grabbed Noahs arm and started pulling on it.

“Kai, I’m eating,” Noah whined not moving from his position at the table.

“No we have to get ready so we can leave,” Kai insisted pulling harder. I sent Auston a worried glance as I noticed Noah getting annoyed.

“Kai how about you and I go get ready before Mama and Noah,” Auston suggested as he walked over to put the empty pan in the sink. Kai looked away from Noah to Auston as he let go of Noah.

“Okay Papi,” the two of them made their way out of the kitchen leaving me and Noah. I took a bite of my pancake as I waited out Noah. Out of Kai and Noah, Noah tended to act more like Auston while Kai was more similar to me.

“Mama,” Noah said after a moment. I smiled as I looked away from my food to him.

“Yeah baby?” I asked. He sat still for a moment before he shifted on his seat slightly.

“I really want to skate today,” he mumbled glancing away to look at his food again. I felt my heart ache at the sad tone to his statement.

“We can make that happen,” I told him as I pushed my plate further in front of me.

“Really?” he asked excitedly as he looked up from his food. I gave him a soft nod, his smile grew as he stood up from his chair.

“I’ll go get ready,” he exlcalimed before making his way out of the kitchen and up the stairs. I let out a soft sigh as I started picking all the dishes up. Once I had everything in the dishwasher I made my way upstairs to out bedroom.

“Noah wants to skate and I think we should do that first,” I told Auston as I entered our bedroom, he was just hopping out of the shower and had a towel tied around his waste. Auston gave a small nod as he walked further into the room.

“Are we really about to get a cat?” Auston asked once he was in the closet. I let out a sigh as I laid down on the bed.

“I guess.” Auston was quiet for a moment as he dressed himself. He walked out of the closet and over to the bed. He sat next to me wrapping his arm around me.

“I know nothing about cats,” Auston mumbled as he leaned his face into my neck.

“My freshman year roommate had a cat in our dorm. It was really gross to be honest. The litter box was really messy and smelled really bad. She never cleaned it though so but the cat liked me more then her. Also the wet food smelled terrible,” I ranted as I remembered the horrible time I lived in the dorm with a random roommate with a cat. Our room had smelled like the zoo always, I had spent most of that year spending time at my abusive exes because of how bad our room smelled.

“I read though that you can keep the litter box anywhere and we just have to make sure to clean up the poop which we do for Felix anyway. Now itll just force us to be more on top of cleaning that up inside and outside. I’m afraid of Felix being uncomfortable though,” I told Auston as I rubbed my hand up and down his arm.

“I asked Mitch about it he said he brought Zues with so they met before hand,” he mumbled as he pressed a kiss to my neck.

“Okay so will go skate somewhere and then come back then go to the shelter,” I listed as I pushed him away gently. He stared down at me with lust in his eyes.

“Okay,” he said. I pushed myself up from the bed. I needed to get dressed and ready.

----

“Papi can you help me” Kai called out as he tried to get his laces tied. When Noah and Kai were ready to play sports we got them involved in everything. They both picked out a favorite real quickly. Noah loved hockey and Kai loved baseball, they both tolerated the other sport but they had favorites.

“Mama are we going to see Charlie today?” Noah asked as he laced up his skates the best he could.

“I don’t know sweetie,” I told him as I kneeled in front of him to check on his laces. I helped him up from the bench once I was done. He grinned as he stood up.

“I’m ready,” he grinned as he made his way over to the ice. I followed closely behind, Auston and Kai were still sitting on the bench. I stepped out onto the ice before Noah. I steddied myself before turning to face Noah. At first when Auston and I had started dating I wasn’t all the great at skating. I had gotten better over the time that I had known Auston.

“Mama can we play hockey,” Noah questioned as we skated around the ice. I let out a soft laugh.

“I don’t have any hockey stuff baby,” I reached out and ruffled his hair. He huffed letting go of my hand to stop.

“Papi,” Noah called out as he truend around. Auston glanced up from Kai as the two stepped onto the ice.

“Yeah bud?” Auston asked as he held on to Kai’s hand. Kai was not very stedy on skates as Noah was.

“Can we play hockey?” he asked racing over to Auston and stopping right in front of him. My jaw dropped slightly at how well he was skating for five years old. Auston glanced over at me as he sent me a questioning look. I gave Auston a nod as I skated over to them reaching out for Kai to grab onto my arm.

Noah and Auston started playing some hockey on one side of the ice while Kai and I stayed in the safety of the other side. Kai let out a loud giggle as he watched Noah and Auston play.

“Mama, I want to go sit on the bench,” Kai said moments later as he got tired of skating. I quickly led us in the direction of the bench. We both sat down and watched Auston and Noah goof around.

----

“Mama, how much longer?” Kai asked as he tried to get more comfortable in his carseat.

“Not to long sweetie,” I reassured as I turned the music up just a little bit. After we were done skating we had stopped by and picked up Felix, we were now on our way to the foster home for kittens. Auston pulled up to the foster house and then put the car in park.

“I want a brown cat,” Kai said as he pulled his blanket up to his chin.

“Oh do you bud?” I asked with a small laugh. He gave a big nod as he stretched out. We had only been driving for thirty minutes. Felix sat up from where he was laying on the ground of the car. We both hopped out of the car and made our way to the back. I helped Kai out while Auston woke Noah up. When we were all out of the car we made our way to the front door. Auston was carrying a sleepy Noah but he reached out to ring the doorbel. Moments later the door was being pulled open and we came face to face with an older woman.

“Hi Lucy, I’m Amelia this is my husband Auston,” I smiled holding my hand out. She gave me a soft smile as she reached out to shake my hand.

“Come in, come in. Barney is getting all the kittens together right now,” she grinned as she let us into the house. My nose scrunched up at the smell slightly and causing a wave of nausea to flare up, I immediately got it under control. I grabbed onto Kai’s hand leading him into the house. Lucy lead us down to the basement where there was a group of small kittens laying down within a fence.

“We brought our dog, Felix,” I told Lucy as I helped Kai inside the fence. She nodded her head.

“Good that’ll be helpful to picking out what cat to get,” she told us as she handed a bag of treats to us.

“Why dont you go get him now,” she said turning to face Auston. He quickly nodded handing the sleepy Noah over to me. I held on to him tightly as Auston left the room. Noah let out a sigh as he snuggled closer.

“Mama look at this one,” Kai sighed as he held up a small brown kitten to me. I gave him a small smile as I reached out to pet the cat.

“That is Leo,” Lucy said as she handed a treat to Kai so he could give it to the cats.

“He might not be the best fit with a dog,” she trailed off looking at me. I nodded my head as I turned to face Kai.

“Who’s this?” I asked him as I picked up the cat that was sitting in his lap. He looked away from leo to the cat in his lap. He smiled softly as he looked down at the cat that was in his lap.

“That’s Shelia,” Lucy smiled as she reached out to push one of the cats into the pen. Kai let out a soft smile as he ran his hand through her fur. She cuddled up further into Kai. I let out a soft grin as I took the two of them in. They were so perfect.

“Alright here’s Felix,” Auston grinned as he made his way into the room with Felix. Noah stirred in my arms before asking me to let him down. I listened to him setting him next to Kai. Auston walked up next to me and wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me in. Felix started sniffing at the gate door where the cats were with Kai. One of the cats hissed loudly reaching its arm out of the gate Felix let out a loud bark as he backed up.

“Yeah some of them really don’t like dogs but a few of them do. We have dogs ourself so they are used to having a dog around. Just some can be a little aggressive about it,” she told us as she reached in to pick up the cat that hissed at Felix. I shared a look with Auston before I kneeled down in front of the gate.

“Noah do you want to meet the cats?” I asked softly as I set him on the ground. He pulled his face out of my neck to look at Kai surrounded by the cats.

“Okay Mommy,” he mumbled as he let go of me. I helped him inside the gate and he joined Kai. The cat that was sitting in Kai’s lap glanced at Noah and then back at Kai. She gave a confused look as she looked between the two again. I let out a small laugh at her confusion. She hopped up from Kai’s lap and started smelling Noah.

“Shelia is pretty,” Kai mumbled reaching out to pet her again. She leaned into his touch.

“Yeah she is baby,” I grinned. I pushed myself up so I could face Auston and Lucy.

“Should we introduce her to Felix?” I asked Auston with a raised eyebrow. He glanced down at where Felix was sat behind his legs.

“How about you take her out of there so the other cats don’t go crazy,” Lucy suggested. I smiled as I helped Noah out of the gated off area. Once he was out I helped Kai. The three of us walked over to Auston and Felix. The cat let out a soft meow from Kai’s arms.

“Mama. Can we have her?” Kai asked as he sat down in front of Felix. I held my breath as Felix walked over to sniff the two of them timidly. The cat looked visibly shooken for a second before doing her own sniff test on Felix. I sent Auston a questioning look. Where we really about to buy a cat? He sent me back a look of his own shrugging his shoulders as he lowered himself to the ground between Felix and Shelia.

“If your sure shes what you want,” I answered after a moment. Kai and Noah both looked at me eagerly as they nodded their heads.

“Yes!” Kai exclaimed reaching out to throw his arms around my leg. I let out a soft laugh as I glanced to Lucy.

“Will take her,” I grinned as I reached down my hand to run it through Kai’s soft hair.

“Oh perfect I’ll go get the paper work now,” she smild before darting up the stairs leaving us alone. I sat down next to my boys.

“Mama?” Noah questioned as he looked away from the kitten to me.

“Yeah baby?”

“Do we have to keep her name Shelia or can we change it?” he asked.

“We can do whatever you boys want,” I told him reaching out to rub his back.

“Okay Papi what should we name her?” Noah asked turning to Auston. I let out a loud laugh at Auston’s shocked face.

“I dont know why are you asking me?” he questioned as he rached out to rub Felix behind his ear. Shelia and Felix seemed to be getting along, I noticed.

“Mama said you named Felix,” Noah stated as he pointed to Felix. I sent Auston a baffled look. I had told the twins about that so long, at the time I wasnt even sure if they were listening.

“Well yeah I did but that’s because I got him when I didn’t know mama,” Auston told him as he reached out to ruffle his hair. Noah batted his hand away with a laugh.

“Do you guys like any names?” I asked them as I reached out to pet the cat myself. Kai looked thoughtful as he stared down at the kitten while Noah looked back and forth between the two of us before exgrataedly throwing his arms up in the air.

“If I had names would I be asking,” he declared. Auston laughed at our dramatic sun causing him to pout in Auston’s direction.

“Papi dont laugh at me im in crisis,” he whined laying back so his head rested in Auston’s lap causing all the adults in the room to laugh.

“Crisis whered you get that from?” Auston reached his hand down to run it through Noah’s hair again. This time Noah relaxed into the touch.

“Mitch,” Noah responded causing Auston to let out a snort. Of course Mitch.

“What about Holly,” Noah muttered as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. Kai glanced up from the cat with a look of disgust.

“No,” Kai responded before Auston or I could say anything.

“Rebecca,” Noah suggested. Kai stared at him for a moment before looking back down at the kitten.

“We aren’t naming our cat after Rebecca,” Kai scolded Noah. I shared a quick questioning look with Auston. Who was Rebecca?

“Well what should we name her then,” Noah asked annoyance seeping into his tone.

“Here’s the paperwork,” Lucy smiled holding it up. Auston pushed himself off the floor so he could go take care of that. Around fifteen minutes later Auston made his way back into the room.

“She’s officially ours,” he announced. Kai cheered as he struggled to stand up with her still in his arms. I reached out to help him so he wouldnt fall.

“Can we go home now?” he asked excitedly. I nodded my head as I helped Noah up next.

“Yeah let’s go.”

We all walked out and hopped in the car.

“Everyone buckled?” Auston asked as he put the car in drive. We all said yes and he started the drive home.

“Mama!” Kai called out slightly panicked causing me to turn around quickly so I could see what was going on. ��

“I don’t think she likes the car,” He said as he held her away from his body. My eyes zeroed in on her sharp claws that were coming out. Shit.

“Okay um. Put her down,” I told him. He looked at me with wide eyes probably not sure how to do it without either one of them getting hurt.

“Auston pull over,” I told him. He let out a sigh as he did what I said. Once we were on the shoulder I hopped out of the car and opened Kais door. I reached in and grabbed the cat from Kai’s hands. She scratched at me right away causing me to let out a soft ‘ow’ but I held her tight  and she calmed down.

“Mama your bleeding,” Kai cried out as he reached for my arm. I pulled away before he could touch and make a mess.

“It’s okay. I’m fine,” I reassured him as I shut his door. I climbed back into the car with the cat cuddled tightly against my chest.

“Your bleeding?” Auston asked reaching out but I shook my head no.

“It’s fine she scratched me just drive so we can be home,” I told him a little snappily. He glanced at me confused for a moment but nodded his head and merged back onto the road.

“Sorry,” I mumbled over the music. Auston glanced at me for a moment staying silent.

“I’m just really tired. I didn’t mean to sound so snappy,” I told him softly.

“You’ve been really tired a lot lately,” he stated as he reached over to rest his hand on my thigh. I let out a sigh as I leaned my head back against the headrest.

----

“Babe c’mon wake up,” Auston told me as he rubbed his hand up and down my thigh. I jolted awake to see that we were parked in our garage the kitten still cuddled to my body.  

“Were home?” I asked looking around. He nodded as he stepped back from the door and helped me out of the car.

“Are you okay? You completely passed out on the way home,” his asked concern seeping into his voice. I nodded as I hopped out of the car. We both made our way into the house the boys already running into the living room with Felix hot on their heels. I leaned down and put the cat on the ground before slipping out of my shoes. When I was standing up straight Austons arm wrapped around my waist.

“Babe whats going on?” he asked as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. I relaxed into his hold leaning my body weight against him. I was honestly just so exhausted all I wanted to do was lay down.

“I’m fine. I just havent been sleeping well,” I let us hug for another few moments before pulling away so that I could walk into the living room.

“Hi boys,” I smiled at them as I sat on the couch. Auston went to let Felix out into the backyard while the boys sat on the floor with the cat in the middle of them.

“Have we settled on a name?” Auston asked as he walked into the living room Felix following him. Auston sat on the couch lifting my legs up before dropping them into his laugh. His hands started giving my feet a massage causing me to let out a deep breath as I felt myself getting more tired.

“Mama,” Noah called out climbing onto the couch so that he was between my body and the couch.

“Yeah baby?” I mumbled out.

“Can I nap with you?” he asked as he cuddled into me wrapping his little arm around my stomach.

“Of course.”

“No,” Kai said walking over and tugging on my arm slightly aggressively.

“Kai dont pull on your mothers arm like that,” Auston told him sternly. Kai mumbled an apology as he sat on the ground again.

“You can’t nap until we name her,” he said sadly.

“Okay,” I pushed myself up slightly so that I could wake up a bit.

“What about Sandy?” I suggested. Kai shook his head no as he moved the feather around for the cat.

“Sarah,” Noah mumbled into my hip.

“No.”

“Bud you can’t turn everything down without giving any suggestions,” Auston told him softly. A soft pout took over Kais face as pulled the cat onto his chest as he laid on the ground.

“When I was a little girl I had a stuffed animal that my mother gave me named Sunshine,” I started to say only to be cut off by a small gasp.

“Sunshine,” Kai grinned causing me to send him a soft smile of my own.

“Yeah you like that?” I asked. He giggled as he looked down at the cat.

“Yeah. Noah do you like it?” Kai asked looking over to his brother.

“Sure.. I want to sleep,” Noah mumbled.

“Why don’t Mama and Noah go upstairs to nap and me and you put on a movie,” Auston suggested to Kai.

“I want to watch a movie too,” Noah sleepliy reached up to rub his eyes with his small fist.

“Cars,” they both answered when Auston asked what they wanted to watch. I drifted off with a smile on my face.

----

I groaned as I turned my face further into the couch cusion. I felt Noah’s knee digging into my lower back. I slowly blinked my eyes open glancing at the tv. It was playing the end credits of the movie while Auston and Kai were no longer in the room. I felt a wave of nausea hit causing me to push myself up. After a moment it wasnt passing so I took off for the closest bathroom.

“Mama are you okay?” Noah asked as he walked into the bathroom. I shook my head not wanting him to see me like this.

“Go get your father,” I told him through my gagging. Noah left following direction right away and not even five minutes later Auston was standing at the door.

“Hey,” Auston shushed as he crowded behind me pulling my hair back.

“Your okay,” he rubbed his hand up and down my back gently.

“Papi,” Noah called from outside of the bathroom. I took a deep breath as I leaned away from the toilet feeling done.

“Yeah bud?” Auston called out.

“Is Mama okay?” he asked quietly. I felt my heart break at his tone. I shakily pushed myself up and made my way over to the door. I pulled it open to see Kai and Noah standing there.

“Mama’s fine,” I reassured them as I reached out to ruffle their hair.

“I am going to go upstairs and brush my teeth and then will make dinner,” I told them. They both nodded their heads before running off to the living room.

“Babe,” Auston sighed as his hand slipped to my waist. I leaned my head against his chest as I took a deep breath of my own.

“Get started. I’ll be right down,” I squezzed him tightly before letting go and making my way upstairs. I knew that Auston was starting to get frustrated, it was ovibous that something was wrong but I didn’t know what exactly. I made my way into the bathroom once I was in our room and to my cabinet. I reached into the back and pulled out the extra pregnancy test I had stored in the back.

I let out a shaky breath as I opened the packet. I wasnt sure but I was feeling the exact same way I had felt when I was pregnant with the twins. The throwing up and the tiredness was leading me to believe that it was maybe something more then the flu. I followed the instructions on the test and then set it on the counter as I set the five minute timer.

Truthfully I was nervous about what the test was going to say. Auston and I hadnt really had a chance to talk about if we wanted to have more kids or not. We were so lucky to have even fall pregnant in the first place and when we found out it was twins we were delighted. I wasnt sure how Auston would react if I was pregnant again. The timer on my phone went off.

I took a deep breath as I made my way back into the bathroom to look at the test.

----

“Papi. Is Mama okay?” I heard Noah ask Auston as I got to the end of the stairs. I tiptoed my way over to the entrance of the kitchen.

“Yeah bud she’s just really tired,” he told him reaching out to tap his shoulder. The three of them were at the counter getting dinner ready. Auston was cutting something up on the cutting board while Auston had given the twins a bowl filled with something that they were tasked with mixing.

“But she was throwing up,” Kai pointed out.

“Rebeccas mom was throwing up and then she went to the hospital,” Noah mumbled loudly enough for everyone to hear. I felt my heart break at the boys concern. Auston stopped his cutting and set the knife down and leaned forward.

“Alright little doods listen. Rebeccas mom was a different situation. Mama has just been really tired because it’s the end of the season and she needs help. When I’m away for my games she gets tired. She needs a really big nap,” he told them.

“I could nap with her,” Kai said comfortably. Auston nodded his head seriously.

“Good. this will work. What about you Noah?” Auston asked with a grin.

“Yes!” Noah nodded his head enthusiastically.

“Hi boys,” I called as I walked into the kitchen. Noah and Kai grinned happily while Auston sent me a worried look.

“I hid a present for both of you in your room with a bow. Go find it,” I told them with a smile. They both jumped out of their chair excitedly as they ran towards the stairs. Auston stared at me in shock for a moment.

“You just stole my helpers,” he told me. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his stomach once I was standing behind him. I rested my chin on his back.

“I’m pregnant,” I mumbled. He stopped what he was doing as he slowly turned around.

“What?” he asked softly.

“I uh just took a test. I’m pregnant,” I let a small smile out hoping he would be happy about this.

“Oh my god,” he leaned forward and pressed a deep kiss to my lips, I gasped in shock allowing him to slip his tongue in. I pulled back so that I could rest my forehead against his.

“I’ll have to set up an appointment to know for sure but yeah,” I told him. His grin widened as he pulled me in tighter so that he could hug me.

“No way,” Noah screamed. I let out a soft laugh.

“Must have found his gift.” Auston laughed as he leaned forward again to connect our lips.

A.N: Surprise! So I really just started writing this because I wanted the Matthews family to have a cat and then it somehow turned into this whole thing?? Anyway I hope y'all enjoyed! 

[shhhhyoursister]

I miss your writing so much. Could you maybe spare a short fic? Or hc's? Or something haha I really miss it

hello hello hello yes ive been wanting to write this lil comforty thing for a bit so here we go heres some sleepy boyfriends being cute also this got way longer than i meant it to (and also might become the first in a set of little domesticy things that i post on ao3 where they live together and itll literally just be a way for me to get all my gross mushy domestic feelings out)

***

Matteo felt like someone had turned up the gravity with how heavy his body felt as he dragged himself home, backpack almost empty but feeling like it was full of bricks. He had had a full day, starting with a therapy appointment and then lunch with his mom and a ton of tiny little errands that he couldn’t even remember doing, but knew that they piled up until he could barely even see straight.

And he hadn’t even talked to David all day. They were both busy, so besides seeing him in the morning after waking up first, barely kissing him goodbye before he rushed out the door, they had had no contact. He had checked his phone what felt like every five minutes, frowning every time his screen was blank. So as tired as he was going home, as much as he felt like it would be much nicer to curl up on the concrete in front of his building than to force himself up the stairs, David was motivation enough to make it all the way to their front door.

He shoved it open, letting his bag drop to the ground the second he was inside, and he kicked his shoes off and took his jacket off and thunked his back against the door, just to rest for a minute. He was hoping David would swoop out of nowhere and carry him off to bed, cuddle him up in the all the blankets and soft sheets and warm skin that he could possibly want, but he didn’t. He didn’t even come out to greet Matteo, which was a little strange.

Matteo made his way through the flat, checking in the few rooms they had, but didn’t find his boyfriend until he walked into the room they used for schoolwork or regular work or art or whatever they needed to do that wasn’t sleeping, eating, or watching movies. He leaned against the doorframe and smiled, realizing that David hadn’t heard him come in because he had headphones pulled over his ears, and he was hunched over, staring at the computer screen. Matteo could tell from his slow movements as he clicked and dragged things around that he was just as tired as Matteo was. 

David must have seen his reflection in a part of the screen, because he suddenly slid his headphones off, turning in the chair as he did so. and he gave Matteo a big (albeit sleepy) smile and said, “Hey, you.”

Matteo said a quiet, “Hey, you,” back, and walked over, feeling more and more like honey being poured slow out of a bottle as he went, and the relief he felt when he finally dropped into David’s lap, legs curled up and head dropping onto his shoulder as David’s arms circled around him and held him tight, was worth the long day. Was worth all the long days in the world. David bent his head and pressed a soft kiss to Matteo’s cheek, and he cuddled in closer.

“I don’t think this chair is meant for two people.” David said quietly into his hair, the smile on his face obvious in the tone of his voice.

Matteo let out a deep breath, shoving himself somehow closer and getting an arm around David too, and said back, “It seems to be handling us just fine.”

Not quite true with the way it was creaking anytime either of them moved, but David didn’t seem to care with the quiet chuckle he let out at Matteo’s response, and squeezed him tighter. Matteo could’ve have fallen asleep like that, even if he was a little uncomfortable with the way the arm of the chair was digging into his back, but David hands and lips on him were making it easier to ignore.

“You know, I was thinking,” David said, running his hand down Matteo’s arm.

“That’s not good,” Matteo interrupted before he could continue.

David pinched him but then squeezed him tighter when he pouted, “I was thinking about that fact that we haven’t used the bathtub since we moved in.”

Matteo nodded, too tired and brain too foggy to piece together where David was going with that.

“And we’ve both had long days, and I know that Laura snuck some bubble bath stuff under the sink when she helped us set the place up.” David said, his voice quiet and soothing to Matteo’s head, which is probably why his first reaction wasn’t to laugh.

“You want us to take a bubble bath?” Matteo asked, incredulously, lifting his head when he was able to so he could see David’s amused face.

“Yeah, I mean,” David said, slipping his hands under Matteo’s shirt to rub slow up his sides, grinning when Matteo shivered at the feeling, “it’s supposed to be relaxing, and it seems like we might both need that. And it’ll be nice, and warm, and we can even grab a bottle of wine if we want,”

Suddenly the thought of getting into a warm, bubbly, sweet-smelling bathtub with his naked boyfriend and a bottle of wine sounded like the most appealing thing Matteo could have have possibly imagined doing that night.

“If you run the bath I’ll pour the wine and roll us a joint,” Matteo said, leaning forward to nose into David’s cheek. He pressed a kiss there when David squeezed his hands around his ribs, letting out a pleased sound at Matte’s offer.

“Okay, deal,” he said, and started sliding his hands off of Matteo’s body, which wasn’t what he wanted at all, but knew it was necessary to carry out the plans they had just made. He sat up more, stretching his back a bit from the position he had been, but felt a hand on the back of his neck and he looked up just in time to see David’s face getting closer, and he closed his eyes as their lips met.

He raised his hand to David’s cheek and stroked a thumb across his cheekbone as their lips pressed together again and again, trading soft kisses that they were both too tired to deepen. Matteo felt the last bit of tension that had been sitting in his chest, a little ball of something still isn’t quite right, dissipate immediately. Once they finally pulled away from each other Matteo wrapped his arms around David’s neck and squeezed him tight, before standing up to find where they had put the wine glasses.

By the time Matteo had ground the weed and rolled it into a neat joint stuck behind his ear, and located the wine glasses and a bottle of wine (that he needed to ask David to open because his arms were just too sore to even try), the bath was ready. David had gone into their room to grab them clean clothes for once they got out, and Matteo opened the bathroom door a crack and stepped into the the room, his shoulder drooping as soon as he entered.

The room was filled with a foggy steam that smelled like lavender, and it felt thick in a way that made Matteo’s eyes droop too, like a heavy blanket being pulled over his all of his senses. He set everything down, carefully poured two glasses of wine that he set on the little (very convenient) ledge in the tub, and then leaned back against the wall to wait for David, his eyes closing as he did so.

He smiled when he heard the door open, and let out a content sigh when he felt arms slide up his sides again, pushing his shirt up in an obvious attempt to undress him. Matteo raised his arms and let David take the shirt off, opening his eyes when it was pulled over his head. He grinned, seeing that David had already removed his shirt.

He put his hands on David’s shoulder and pulled him in for a hug, his eyes closing again when he felt David’s skin against his, warm especially with the temperature in the room,  and again Matteo was sure that he could’ve fallen asleep like that, standing there with David’s arms holding him up. David slid his hands down Matteo’s sides, making him shiver again, and brought them to the button on Matteo’s pants. He smiled into David’s shoulder as he unbuttoned them, shoving them down Matteo’s legs along with his boxers, and then did the same for himself.

He stayed against the wall as David got into the tub first, content to stare at his naked back with half-lidded eyes as David got used to the temperature of the water before sinking into it with a sigh, his arms resting on the edges of the tub on either side of him, his head leaned back against the tiled wall. Matteo would have been happy to just stand there staring at him, but he was feeling chilled with that much skin exposed. He stepped into the bath, settled into it faster than David had, tired of being a little cold with no boyfriend pressed up against him. 

And fuck, Matteo felt like his brain was melting out of his ears. He leaned back against David’s chest, sighing the same way David had, his head tipping back against his shoulder. He could already feel the soreness in his muscles lessening, the water and whatever David had put in it calming his body and mind so much that he started wondering why he had never tried it before. It helped that David’s hands, wet and warm from the water, started dragging up his chest down his stomach, reaching his belly button before sliding back up.

“I think this is the best idea you’ve ever had.” Matteo murmured, his voice quiet but echoey in the enclosed space. 

“I think so too,” David said back, leaning in to kiss at Matteo’s neck, and he tilted his head to the side to offer up more skin if David wanted to kiss him there, too. He did, trailing gentle kisses up to the spot behind his ear and then down his jaw, down his neck to the junction of where his neck met his shoulder, and then back up. Matteo shivered again, melting more into David’s chest, still relaxed, but the feeling was lighting something up inside him. 

David lifted a hand out of the water, and pulled away from Matteo’s neck so he could grab one of the wine glasses, offering it to Matteo, who reluctantly released the grip he had had on David’s thigh to take it from him. He tipped his head back again, and took a sip, pouting and pulling the glass away when half of the sip spilled down his cheek and chin, dripping a dark red onto his chest. David’s other hand came out of the water and wiped the spot away, and he leaned down again and kissed his way up the pink streak the wine had left on Matteo’s skin.

They both sipped their wine, comfortably quiet in the way that only two people who knew each other inside and out could be, letting the alcohol and the steam and the smells swirl around their heads, calming them both from the days they had. Matteo could feel David sinking further into the water, and he did so as well, the warmth flowing up into his shoulders as they adjusted themselves. Matteo set his wine glass down, and reached for the joint that was somehow still set behind his ear. He could feel David smile into his neck when he placed it between his lips, and he reached out to grab the lighter before Matteo could.

He flicked it on, carefully holding it up to the end of the joint until Matteo puffed on it and got it going, and he set it back down, his hand resuming the path from Matteo’s chest down his stomach. Matteo tilted his head back against David’s shoulder again as the weed warmed him in a different way, the smoke burning his throat pleasantly. He grabbed the joint between two fingers and was going to offer it to David when he felt a hand on his cheek, and he opened his eyes to see David looking at him, his own eyes dark and staring into Matteo’s with a smile in them as he leaned forward and pressed their mouths together.

Matteo exhaled slowly, breathing the smoke into David’s mouth, putting a hand on David’s chest to steady himself and feel it rise as he breathed in, holding Matteo close so their lips wouldn’t slip. They pulled apart, Matteo taking in a deep, shaky breath as he watched David’s head fall back against the wall, smoke flowing slowly out of his nose. He pressed a kiss to the base of David’s neck, and raised the joint in front of his mouth, waiting for David’s lips to close around it before dropping his hand back into the water.

They finished the joint, sometimes shotgunning the smoke between them when the desire to kiss became to much to handle, and sipped at their wine until there was nothing but pink droplets at the bottom of the glasses. The weed, the wine, the water, everything was making Matteo feel like he was made of honey again, thoughts dripping through his head like the water dripping down the sides of the tub, and he let out a content sigh, turning his head so he could nuzzle into David’s neck.

“Can we stay in here forever?” he asked before really thinking about it, blushing as soon as the question left his lips. He hadn’t meant to ask it out loud, expecting it to stay in his head with the other fuzzy thoughts running through it. Not that he wouldn’t, if given the opportunity, spend the rest of his life in a  bathtub, high, a little drunk, warm from the water and David’s skin and presence behind him.

David’s arms wrapped around him, squeezing tight enough to make Matteo feel a bit more awake. He opened an eye to look up just as David grinned, and he smiled back as David pressed that grin into his cheek, pressed a kiss there right after, and hummed for a second like he was thinking. His hands started rubbing up Matteo’s chest again, and kissed his cheek again.

“We can sure as hell try.”

[clowndaydreams]

Yan!Marvus x Reader

I hope you all like it!

“Can you pass me the potato chips?” You looked over to your companion. Marvus nodded and reached over to get said bag from his side of the couch.

“here ya go.” You grunted a quick thank you to the clown and started to dig in. You had been hanging out with Marvus all day. You still couldn’t believe how friendly you’ve gotten with the superstar since you met him at that concert you went to. It had been a few perigrees since then, but the clown had since made a habit of inviting you over randomly when he was free. You were just happy that he remembered you at all.

Currently though, you were both relaxing on the couch and watching some Slam or Get Culled episodes that he was in. Right now, a season finale was playing. He was the final challenge for that season’s top 2. They had to rap battle him and whoever fared better was the winner.  You glanced over at him. He was in his usual facepaint, but was casually wearing a neon yellow ripped tank top and matching pajama pants with some designer troll logo and ‘JUICY’ all over them. How he managed to look so hot in that would forever elude you. You snapped out of it when he started speaking again.

“u kno, i thought ricard was the better 1 outta those 2.” You pretended to glare at him.

“SPOILERS!” You jokingly huffed, lightly shoving his arm. It didn’t move, as you’d expect.

“LOL! XoD sorry fam, seen dis crap 1000 times alreddy.” Wait, then why did he let you pick this episode? Or even agree to watch this with you? If this was boring you could do something else. And as if he could read your mind, he held up a hand.

“dun worry bout dis. is chill or w/e. butt srsly, u kno who gunna win.”

“Still! I wanna watch it!” You giggled. You both watched on in silence as Marvus was brought on to surprise the contestants.

“How were they behind the scenes?” You asked as you watched the confessionals for both of the contestants.

“ricards moirail b a clown, so me n him knew each other alreddy. he wuz p chill i guess lol.”

“What about Krayaa?”

“turns out she wuz a fangirl. foamin at the mouth n erythng.”

“Really?!” You turned to him to try and see if he was lying. He looked almost bored about it all. Like you were both talking about the weather or something. You wished you could be so relaxed about meeting a rabid fangirl and somehow living to tell the tale. Seadwellers were supposed to be stronger and more durable than landdwellers. At least, that was according Polypa anyway. Huh, you had to remember to check on her later after you got home too.

“ye. she wanted 2 pail after the shoot.” Your jaw dropped. Krayaa was a seadweller! Did he have to listen to her? She could have killed him for not listening!

“Nahhh, no worries,, the contract she signed for the ep woulda had her disqualified and mah bodyguards woulda whooped her b4 she had a chance. ;op” He chuckled. “If she managed 2 get thru them, I aint no wimp.” He added, flexing his arms a little to prove his point. You almost couldn’t stop staring. He had to know what he was doing to you…right? Granted, this was a crush you had no intention of pursuing. If you were speaking honestly, Marvus was a guy who probably didn’t want commitment due to his lifestyle. Even then, he had people throwing themselves at him constantly. People his own species. People who were a lot better fitting with his general aesthetic and not some poor wandering alien that he would DM when he was high when they both should have been sleeping. Your own concepts of relationships and types of love were different. But you could dream, right? You were content with just having him as your designated hot friend anyway. …That did mean you were allowed to drool over him in your mind. As long as it doesn’t get creepy to him. Yeah. You were fine.

“u gud (Y/N)? u tryna lure snacks into ur mouth or smth?” You snapped out of your stupor.

“Ew! Gross! I don’t eat bugs like you weirdos!”

“it aint gross. literally free snacks u can catch. :o)” He laughed.

“Where I’m from they’re gross!” Granted, there were places that did eat crickets and the like on Earth, but you would never tell him that.

“dun knock it till ya try it.” He got up and left the room, returning after a moment with a small box.

“…What is that.” You had a sinking feeling you knew what it was.

“chirp grubs.” He opened it and there they were. Disgusting caramelized crickets.

“I can’t.” You shook your head.

“more 4 me lol.” You looked away as he ate a few of the crickets. You looked back at him when his palmhusk rang. It sounded like a clown horn version of one of his songs. Fitting, honestly.

He glanced at it and rolled his eyes before silencing the phone.

“Who was that?”

“thottie.”

“Oh…” He looked bored again. Not good. What could you talk to him about to keep him interested?

“Uh…You ever get tired of the fans trying to aggressively pail you?” Ok, that wasn’t the best choice for conversation. Your bad.

“i meannn….in the beginning yeah. now its kinda the norm 4 me ufeelme?”

“Yeah, I guess. Does it ever make you feel like you can’t have a relation-er, quadrant?” You assumed it would, but that would also come with fame in general, wouldn’t it? You weren’t sure. Then again, if he didn’t want-

“kinda. i think its kinda funny how i can attract psychos, fans and thots, but not my crushes.” You sat up straight. Marvus had a crush?

“Wait. You…uh…are pale or um….red? for somebody?” You didn’t have the best grasp on quadrant terms.

“lol sumtimes i forget your an alien.” He leaned back onto the couch.

“butt yeah, i have a few crushes at the mo.” He smiled, staring at the ceiling.  Few. He has more than one crush right now. That soft smile said it all. He had it bad.

“…Can you tell me who they are?” He looked over at you and looked sheepish.

“i…dun think is a gud idea.”

“Please? I have to know who the great Marvus Xoloto has a crush on.”

“u kno 1. itll be awk af :o(“ Now you had to know. Now you were thinking about whether or not Marvus had a type. What if they were all mega hot models? Wait! Did he have a crush on Chahut? They would totally have to know each other. Who else did you both know??? He heard of Cirava, but you didn’t think they talked. Who???

“…kk fine. only if u slam a faygo tho.” You gave him a look.

“Isn’t Faygo…not for non-clowns?”

“is just us. whos gunna kno?”

“You promise nobody’s gonna know?”

“on my life. u slam a faygo, n ill tell u who my flush be.” You thought it over. You remembered tasting the stuff at clown church when you went you went with Chahut that one time. Just a sip left you a bit tipsy. A whole bottle may have rendered you unable to be coherent enough to even process who his flush crush was. Would it be worth it? You felt a choice coming on. Either way you had to drink a certain amount in order to maybe try and learn this random troll’s identity. The question was, do you try and counter his offer or just slam the entire bottle and hope for the best?

…

It would be better to respect your own limits. A bunch of your friends had lectured you a few times over putting yourself out just to potentially make a friend. This would piss them off and would probably not end in your favor even if you did decide to just go with it anyway.

“How much faygo do I have to drink?”

“hm…” He got up, went to the kitchen and got a small can of Grape Faygo, a normal bottle for one and a whole 2 liter bottle. “imma b nice. u get a choice. u gotta try 2 finish the can. u get 1 q with the name if u finish the can. Smol bottle gets u 2 qs and the name n the 2L gets u as many qs as u liek. fair enough 2 u?”

…Now you wanted to chug the 2 liter. You haven’t even seen anyone try to down that other than the Grand High Blood once when you took Karako to clown church for the first time. But that guy was a clown and he is HUGE. You, not so much. But, you chose to respect yourself for once. You’d see how you felt after the small can and go from there. You picked it up, opened the can and took a deep breathe. Powers that be, let this not wreck you and let this answer be worth it. If he cops out with his answers, you would try to hurt him. You started chugging. You did your best to try and treat it like a shot like Cirava taught you so you wouldn’t taste the overly sweet flavor too much. After a moment of light agony and attempting to not drown in the soda, you reached the end of the can. You slammed it onto the coffee table and started panting. Ok, you weren’t feeling woozy like before. Maybe those tiny sips when you went to clown church helped your body get used to it.

“u gunna try the otha bottles?” You managed to shake your head. You weren’t gonna do that again. Your head started hurting. You looked over at him. Were his eyes always so vibrantly purple? Woah, now they’re flashing purple. What the heck? Was this Faygo high? You now understood why all the other clowns were so goofy after drinking a cup of this stuff. Crap, now your head was starting to hurt.

“Wh-Who….who is it..?” You started feeling like you were gonna pass out. You laid down on the couch. You needed to close your eyes. That was way too much for you. You felt Marvus pick you up into his arms.

“ye…after u wake up bb.” Wake up? Wait, did he just call you a pet name?! You were about to question him when he tilted his head.

“dangg,, u managed 2 stay awake with chuckles and faygo? ur stronger than i thought. Soz bout this babes.” His eyes became blindingly vibrant again and you blacked out.

[raskies456]

Okay prepare for Long Ask I'm gonna tell you hair dye instructions/tips??? I keep my hair dyed at almost all times so I've got some knowlegg

Step 1: you're gonna have to bleach your hair. I've got light brown/borderline blond hair naturally and I needed to bleach to be able to dye my hair. You can do this at home, it's much cheaper than salon, but pay close attention to instructions because it is after all bleach.

1a before you bleach you should do a hair test. Most home bleaches you have to use all at once though, so maybe see if someone else is bleaching and ask to have a little pinch of it? Basically just put it on a tiny bit of hair and see how it reacts after the recommended time. Some people's hair cannot be bleached without breaking, and itll give you a good idea of how long your hair needs to be in the bleach to get pale.

1b your bleached hair will look yellow most likely. This is normal, not something to worry about. I'll say more on it a bit below (sorry for the length of this aha)

2, it's luckily much easier to dye a full head of hair than partial! And if you were to get it done professionally youd notice its usually cheaper too. Thats because it's just easier to dump it all on and do everything. You might miss a spot, esp your first try, but if you have a way to check the back of your head you should be alright.

For this I'd honestly recommend temporary/washout dye, it last for quite a while but gradually fades as you wash it. Once your roots start growing back they will be your natural colour, but that is honestly a good look imo. Temporary dye is also much better for your hair, especially if you bleach it. You can re-dye it once it fades, or not, as you choose. It should last several weeks. Permanent dye iirc doesnt have the fading effect, but your roots will still grow back in, so in my onion temporary is just. Generally better.

Also: if you get your hair permanently dyed, give it a day or two after bleaching before you dye it. If you use temporary dye, you can do it on the same day if you want. Its bc temporary is much easier on your hair in general. You can still wait if you prefer to though.

2a for a test of dye, put a small amount on a little back of skin to make sure you don't react to it. You can also do a stand test like with the bleach where you dye just a small bit to see if you like the end result or not, but it's not really necessary. Just as an extra precaution if you want to.

2b it is super easy to dye at home, and I'd honestly recommend it over getting a salon job. They just tend to be overpriced. It's up to you though of course if you prefer someone else doing it for any reason, I just only have experience doing it at home after I saw salon prices.

2c also, dyes should all come with instructions, and again, you just follow those and you're golden. (Or silver in this case haha sorry) the only thing I'll say is the time to leave it in on temporary dues is usually really short. If you're using temporary dye, at the end of the time it tells you I'd just wash off one small bit of the dye and see if you like the colour yet. If not, use the surrounding dye to cover that spot again and leave it in for longer. Basically the longer you leave it the better the colour will come out.

3. Once you've washed your hair off, you're basically done! Depending on how light your hair could get and what colour dye you went for, you should have a good string colour that'll last quite a while.

Some additional tips:

If you have problems with your hair looking yellowish, most places you can buy shampoo should have some kind of anti-yellowing shampoo which is basically for people who bleach their hair. It makes you hair a little more grey in colour, which might be good for you.

The kind of bleach you use will determine how light your hair can get. They should have a number on the box, some have for example "9 levels of lift" and some have "20 volume" and I dont know if those two things are on the same scale but the higher the number, the stronger the lightening effect. If you go to a salon, you can ask about how strong their bleach is, they should have a good idea of what to use (but remember I dont go to such places so I'm not 100%). For reference my usual bleach is a 9 lift schwarzkopf, and that gets me from light brown to white-blond really well.

If you bleach and/or dye your hair at home, do it in a room with lots of ventilation. The dye is less bad, but for the bleach, absolutely.

The colours of dye that'll show up depends on the darkness of your hair. If you tried to dye it without bleaching, you could basically only go black from there. Maybe dark blue, depending on how dark your hair is now. If you bleach it and it doesnt come out completely blond, it's okay! You might have to go for a darker grey than you originally wanted, though. If you want a light silver-grey you'll probably need to get your hair bleached to completely white-blond level which I really wouldn't recommend for your first try. Better to get a handle on it first and make sure you hair can deal with it.

Your hair if bleached will probably feel a little crusty and not very soft. That's normal. A good conditioner should clear that up pretty quick. If you don't usually use conditioner, just look for something cheap, trust me it's worth it.

So. Sorry again for the word wall but I hope that the information here is helpful! I just wanted to get it all into one thing. If you have questions feel free to message me and I'll tell you everything I know

Good luck with your hair!

Thank you so much this is super informative!!! Honestly the reason I’m hesitant to do dye myself is just bc I have very little experience with caring for my own hair, I’ve barely learned how to manage a hair dryer, but this definitely makes that option a whole lot less intimidating. And please don’t worry about the word wall, it’s all very good info and exactly what I needed!

[reesewestonarchive]

EASTHALLOW | Masterpost | Project Page | Project Preview | ko-fi, if you like my work :p

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Back at the farm, Elijah walks, dazed but relaxed, back to the house. He checks behind him once, twice, to see if Rocky, who had followed him to the edge of his parents' property, still sits in the woods, wagging his tail at Elijah.

He doesn't.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Amanda says, as she steps out the front door. The sun is shining, bright and warm already for eight in the morning, and Elijah shakes the woods off of him as best he can.

While he's grateful the beast is a silly witch in the woods, the idea that someone out there just... lives in abandoned shack in his woods unsettles him.

"Not a ghost," Elijah says. He sighs. "Has this town always been this fucking creepy?"

Amanda cocks her head and looks at her son with a smile, then steps down the front steps and towards the hay truck. "The city has made you suspicious, my love." She waves the keys in the air, doesn't look back to Elijah. “Come on. I believe you promised me a trip to the farmer’s market.”

Amanda fiddles with the radio, sings along off-key with wrong lyrics, and Elijah absently brushes the mud from his jeans.

The market’s covered in small tables set up underneath tents. Sunlight shines through the trees, and Elijah all but forgets about Viola and Penny and their tiny shack in the woods. The air is sweet with the smell of apple cider and turnovers, and Elijah follows his mother past table after table of pickles, jams, fresh produce, pies, breads…

He last went when he was seventeen. Far too long ago. The smell of it brings him back to being a child, before he made such a shitty decision, before Josh—

“Elijah, can you take these apples back to the car? I’ve a few more tables I’d like to visit.”

Three bags of apples, Elijah takes to the car, tripping over tree roots and uneven, muddied ground. Passes tables selling food that has his stomach aching with hunger.

Just before the market closes off, though, Elijah notes a man, sitting at his table, his head rested in his hand, elbow on the table, flipping through a book with a bored look on his face. Customers seem to ignore him, as though he’s not there. Candles in mason jars are neatly lined up in front of him, a solitary empty spot where someone has bought one.

He seems to notice Elijah staring, because he lifts his head, locks gazes with him. A smile grows across his face.

“Interest you in some homemade candles, sir?”

Elijah makes a face. “I’m not a sir.” He should keep going, but—the logo of the candles. Elijah drops one of the bags of apples to pick up a candle. “This creature,” he asks, smoothing his thumb over the creature—thick hair, glowing eyes, fingers like nails. “What is it?”

With a shrug, the man says, “The Beast of Easthallow. Local legend. Man a few hundred years ago, back when Easthallow was just a mining town, claims to’ve seen it.” He cocks his head at Elijah. “There’s a book about it, you know. Adapted from Victor East’s journals.”

“So it’s real?”

Laughing, the man leans back in his chair. “Suppose that matters on whether you’re a believer.” He nods his head at the candle. “Supposed to smell like wildflowers if you see it. S’what the candle’s based on.”

Overhead, the sun hides behind dark storm clouds. Around them, the hum of chatter from the farmer’s market quiets for a minute.

“Can give you a discount if you buy the book, too.” He holds up a book, small, a plain black cover, the words THE BEAST OF EASTHALLOW embellished across the front.

Assuming, for a minute, that Elijah believes any of this, other than a crazy couple of witches living in the woods, he’s unemployed. Setting the candle back down, Elijah says, “I don’t have any money.”

He eyes the apples. “How about a few of those? They came from the Richard Orchard, right?” Elijah shrugs. “Two apples, then.”

Fine. Curiosity peaked, Elijah digs into the bag at his feet for two of the apples, without bruises, one still with a stem and leaf, and hands them over. Their fingers brush together, and Elijah’s lips twitch up in a smile, just for a split second, before he pulls back.

“Do you plan on hunting it?” the man says, dropping the apples into a bucket beside him.

“…Hunting it?”

“We also sell candles that smell like rotten wood and wet dog. Supposed to attract the Beast.”

Elijah snorts. “A candle that smells like garbage?” He shakes his head. “I’ll go with the wildflowers.” Maybe he can gift it to his mother for Christmas.

“I’ll just get you a receipt,” the man says. Elijah hears someone walk up behind him, and turns his head, sees Amanda stepping around counters, a single, small loaf of bread under her arm.

She smiles down at the man, currently scribbling out a receipt for Elijah, and says, “Good morning, Grant. All well at home?”

He lifts his head, looking between the two of them for just a beat or two before he smiles, pleasant and wide, and his eyes—

Elijah clears his throat, averts his gaze. His heart aches, as he thinks of Sean, back home. What used to be home. He wonders if the man he’d found Sean with would be comforting, in Elijah’s absence, or if he’ll find Elijah leaving cause for celebration.

“…fine, Mrs. Flynn.” Grant flashes her a smile, hands over the receipt to Elijah and says, “Have a good day.”

Elijah reaches for the receipt, and Grant winks as their fingers touch again.

As they leave, Amanda weaves her arm around Elijah’s, says, “That wasn’t so bad, was it? And I see you picked up some items as well.” She nods to the book, the candle in the bag. “Didn’t think you were a candle sort.” She smiles, reaches into the bags, plucks out an apple, and begins chattering on.

Elijah glances at the receipt. Ten digits, scribbled at the bottom—give me a call, if you’d like.

At the farm, Elijah thumbs over the receipt as he sits, reclined on the couch, listening as rain beats down on the tin roof. It’s dark, for mid-afternoon; a deep blue-grey overcast filtering the sun out and shadowing the fields.

Still better than the city.

He sighs. Reads the note again. Little early for hookups, isn’t it? Ezra considers himself fairly capable of moving on quickly, but still, if he thinks too much about Sean, something in his chest goes tight and the world feels too small. He could have gone to the other side of the country, to Australia or Japan, and still Sean would feel too close.

Fingers reach up behind him and pluck the receipt out of hand, though, and Elijah doesn’t even bother turning around to chastise his brother. Instead, he says, “Really? We’re being this childish, now?”

Josh reads the note out loud, makes an awwwww sound, and says, “What happened to Sean, McDreamy? Weren’t you guys happy-ever-after or whatever you want to call it?”

“We’re not in trouble,” Elijah says, but he doesn’t make an attempt at the receipt. He just rubs his eyes, wonders how long it’ll take Josh to give up on this. “And it’s none of your fucking business.”

It’s not a lie; they’re not in trouble. Elijah’s completely out of trouble. Feels better about this than he ever has. Josh, though, Josh takes that and runs with it, his eyes getting wide, and he says, “Holy shit. You’re not—“

“Josh—“ Footsteps are coming up from the basement steps, and fuck, Elijah’s not ready to admit that he’d failed in the city, that he ran home with his tail tucked between his legs, and no. They don’t need to know. They don’t need to know. Not yet. Not until Elijah can get on top of things, until he can 

When she reaches the top of the stairs, Amanda glances between them, offers a tentative smile. “Getting on, I hope?” She doesn’t wait for an answer, already heading for her bedroom with the laundry basket. “So nice to see the two of you in the same room without screaming…”

She leaves before Josh can say anything, thankfully, and with a pleased sigh, Josh holds the receipt back out. “S’cute. Taking a page out of your older bro’s book, lying to Mom and Dad.”

Refraining from reaching for the receipt, Elijah says, “I’m not lying to them. And would you stop it with the older bro shit?”

Holding his hands in mock surrender, Josh says, "All right. Just... interesting you're the one keeping secrets these days, is all."

Elijah watches him leave, jaw clenched, and lets out a frustrated groan when Josh is finally around the corner.

It's good, though, right, to meet people. In Easthallow. If he's going to be living here... he'll need a network. Grant can help with that.

He calls the number before he can tell himself not to.

"Elijah," he answers, and his voice is smoother, on the phone, than it really should be. "I wondered if you'd call."

"How do you know it's Elijah?"

A beat, then, "I had a feeling. I wanted to know if you’d be interested in getting a drink?” So the entire town can know about it. So Elijah can spend the evening shooting glances around the bar, wondering who he can trust and whether Grant’s one of those people or not. “About the Beast—“

And Elijah laughs, runs a hand through his hair, and wonders if the entire town is like this. “You don’t really believe in it, do you?”

“You’re meant to believe what you see, right?”

“I’ve seen this Beast,” Elijah says. “Didn’t seem so freaky to me.”

Grant makes a noise, like a scoff, but his voice holds no judgement. “Everyone knows about Viola.”

Fine. Just to sate his curiosity. “All right. Drinks, and you can tell me all about this furry little beast of yours.”

Grant meets him in town, dressed in a light jacket Elijah finds himself jealous of, in the misting cold. He reaches out for a handshake. "Good to meet you."

"You, too," Elijah says. "I thought I knew everyone in this town." He grew up here, went to school here. Graduated with twenty kids in his class. Grant... either he was older, younger, or... wasn't from here.

As though sensing Elijah's thoughts, he sends him a sidelong glance and says, "I grew up in the city. Parents divorced when I was little. Thought I'd do better there, but I always liked the country." His smile is warm, pleasant, and Elijah wonders if it helps with the cold or if he's blushing under Grant's gaze. "What about you?"

"City all the way," Elijah says. "Stepping in cow shit has never been my version of fun."

Grant laughs. It feels good, genuine; Elijah can't remember the last time he made someone laugh. "Plenty of other farms than cattle farms."

"Not according to my parents," Elijah says. "You know they started planting crops when I was fifteen, to help with running costs, and my dad flipped?" He did; Allan's a livestock man, through and through. Elijah still remembers the nights his parents stomped around downstairs, trying to make sense of their next plan.

"What happened? Nobody in Easthallow exports crops."

They take a seat at the bar. Grant holds up two fingers to the bartender, and soft country music plays from the corner of the room, and something settles in Elijah's stomach. He's used to drink menus, twenty minutes with Sean while he tries to decide what he wants, and it's like relief when the bartender slides two beers in front of them and disappears.

It's the little things Elijah loves about this town.

"I knew your brother," Grant says, as he digs his phone out his pocket. "Back in high school."

His mood sours, but Elijah tries not to let it. He peers into the bottle, thinks about downing it all in one go. Doesn't.

"He was a prick." Grant taps away on his phone. "Little fucker nearly drove my little sister insane."

Sounds like Josh. "He cheat on her? Josh is an asshole."

"Wouldn't give her the time of day, mostly. She thought they'd grow up, get married, have kids, whole nine yards. Josh found out and... she ended up homeschooling for the rest of high school."

He remembers that. Something faint, and, hell, Elijah didn't even know the girl, but Josh slept with her best friend and then there was all kinds of drama. Because of Josh. It's hard to believe anyone thought he was a catch, but people like the bad boy thing.

"Don't hold that against me, do you?"

Grant doesn't even lift his gaze to meet Elijah's. "If you were anything like your brother, you wouldn't be speaking with me."

He turns his phone to Elijah, finally, onto a homepage for THE BEAST OF EASTHALLOW. He clicks around a bit, checks out the first hand accounts--all written journalism style, with publishing dates and Grant's name at the top as the author--the photos.

"A lot of them are Viola," Grant says, gesturing to the phone with the beer. "She loves getting dressed ip on tourist weekends and scaring the shit out of the visitors in the cabins." He smiles, shakes his head.

"She's not the start of the rumor, then?" Elijah'd been sure... she could've seen something, made the costume as a joke, to keep people away from her house...

"Nah. Viola's big into local history. Or--Penny, her wife, is. Viola took a liking to the Beast 'cause it's mystical."

Grant's thigh rubs against Elijah's, just a little. Just enough to catch the fabric, enough for the pull to tune Elijah into how close they are everywhere. "Did you read the book?"

"Book?" Elijah echoes, then clears his throat. Grateful for the low lights that help hide his blush, Elijah adds, "Right. No. Didn't even crack the spine."

Like he expects it, Grant scrolls down through his phone again, until he stops at a very clear, very close photo. "This is the most famous ever taken. Fifteen years ago or something like that."

When Elijah lived here. Why the fuck didn't he ever hear about this? "Someone's screwing with me," Elijah says. "I grew up here, and we never had a fucking local cryptid, unless you count the town drunk."

"Fifteen years ago, no one used to see it."

"We don't see it now."

Tapping the screen of his phone, Grant says, "Twenty times in the last year."

It's Josh. It's gotta be fucking Josh, enlisting the entire fucking town, right? Found some freaky girl in the woods to scare him, some guy at the farmer's market to fuck with him, and...

That doesn't make sense, though. Josh didn't know he was coming, and Elijah hasn't been home that long. Is this... does Grant actually believe this shit? That there's really some fucking monster crawling around their little town? Easthallow's a trash heap, people and literal garbage. There’s no cause for why he might be…

Elijah huffs a laugh, shakes his head. Downs the rest of his beer and says, “So, okay. Let’s say I believe in your furry little friend, just for like, five seconds.” He’s still not convinced it isn’t Viola. That this entire set-up isn’t something done to fuck with newbies. “Why only see it now?”

The question of the hour. Grant glances up at him, his eyes twinkling. Something there lights a fire on all of Elijah’s nerves, leaves him feeling warm, pleased, arousal building in his stomach. Grant’s an attractive guy; the muscles that scream outdoor labor, a five o’clock shadow Elijah wants to feel against his skin. Dark eyes Elijah could get lost in, and smooth, tan skin, and hair just long enough to pull.

Shit, he’s tapping his phone again, eyebrow raised like he knows Elijah’s imagining being held down by him, and he says, “Hundred year anniversary of old man Lowell’s suicide.”

“He killed himself?”

“So said the newspapers,” Grant said. “Lots of conflicting reports, though. Another one said he died in the old mine tunnels. Pushed from the roof of the Carnegie library… One said he got caught in a wood-chipper.”

Grimacing, Elijah takes a drink of his beer. “Poor way to go.”

But Grant’s voice is thoughtful when he asks, “Is it? Head first, maybe…” He shrugs.

Silence settles between them, Elijah picking at the label on his beer, Grant tapping his fingers rhythmically on the bar top, before Grant finally says, “So what brings you to Easthallow?”

It isn’t a secret, not really, but Elijah hesitates nonetheless. It’s only been a few days since Elijah spoke to Sean, but it feels like it’s been weeks. Easthallow seems so far removed from the city. Always has. “Bad breakup,” he says, finally, then, “or—not really. Just a breakup.”

“He cheat on you?”

Elijah turns his gaze to Grant. How the fuck does he know. He asks as much, and Grant just chuckles, shrugs one shoulder. Ducks his head in something like embarrassment. “I haven’t told anyone.”

“You have a vibe,” Grant says. “Definitely not from here. Wouldn’t come to Easthallow unless you had family. No one comes here.”

“Viola and Penny?”

With a twitch of his lips, Grant says, “I stand corrected.”

Elijah finishes his beer. Returns it to the coaster. Beside him, Grant pockets his phone. “I could show you Old Man Lowell’s place, if you’re up for it.”

Making a face, Elijah says, “Doesn’t that place have to be ancient by now? How’s it still standing?”

Before Grant can answer, Elijah’s phone buzzes in his pocket, incessant against his thigh. He apologizes as he checks it—his mother.

“Sorry, dear,” she says, but sounds exhausted, “your father has a situation with the cattle. Can you come home, help him out?”

Like a child, Elijah says, “Isn’t Josh home to help.”

Her voice is thick with false sweetness when Amanda says, “I’m asking you.”

He doesn’t have much of a choice, then. Offers a tight smile to Grant when he gets off the phone, pockets his phone. “Dad needs me. Cattle probably got loose.”

But Grant’s gaze snaps to Elijah’s, and his questions are lightning fast, one after another, until Elijah reaches out and grips Grant’s wrist. Intimate, for a man he’d met earlier that day. For a man with a curiosity for the unknown and a crazy loom in his eye when he talks about it. “I’m sure he’d welcome the help. My brother’s useless.”

“Bringing a strange man back to the house already?” Grant tsks, but leaves a twenty on the bar as he stands. “What will your parents say?”

Nothing, if Elijah has anything to do about it. “My mother knows you my name. I’d hardly consider you strange.”

The farm is a cacophony of noises when Elijah arrives there. A loud barking, his father’s deep voice as he hollers, the loud, angry mooing of a cow that does not want to follow orders.

“Yikes,” Grant says, closing the door to the driver’s side of his SUV. “Suddenly glad my parents run an orchard.”

“It’s not always like this,” Elijah says by means of explanation. Never once has he heard a dog barking here. His father’s allergic. He can make out his mother standing at the edge of the field, though, makes his way across the yard towards her. Grant’s headlights shine out toward her.

“Elijah,” she says, gripping his arm as he stops by her side. “Your father’s been at this for an hour. Something spooked the cattle.”

No shit. Even from here he can make out the door to the barn, broken off the hinges. “Dad leave the barn open?”

Amanda shakes her head. “No. Strangest thing. The hinges are bent.”

A chill runs through him; the hair on the back of his neck stands up. He takes a quick glance around the yard—lit up by the emergency lights his father had installed—but sees nothing, save for Grant as he makes his way towards them. “Not surprising,” he says. “Cattle are strong. Especially if the bull got out.” A beat. “So someone broke in?”

She takes a second to glance Grant’s way, a twinkle in her eye as he reaches out to shake her hand. “Grant. Didn’t realize Elijah was bringing help.” Before he can offer anything by means of explanation, she adds, “The more the merrier.”

Another bark sounds from the field, and Amanda whistles. “And this fucking dog. No idea where it came from.”

At her whistle, the dog comes bounding up to her, tongue wagging out of its mouth. In the dark, it’s a little different, but Elijah would recognize it anywhere. “Rocky?”

He barks, wags his tail. Amanda looks between them with a frown. “You know him?”

Elijah reaches to scratch his ears. “I met his owner the other day—” He almost says in the woods; doesn’t want to tell her what he was doing out there. “—does he come here often?”

“More than we’d like.”

Behind them, Grant adds, “Could it have been the dog who spooked them?”

Amanda shrugs. “Not likely. Allan nearly got one back to the barn before it ran off again.”

“You guys check the barn out?”

What? No. Elijah really doesn’t want to go play detective right now. He wants to go to the field, help his father wrangle the half-dozen cows and the bull back into their barns. But Grant’s already eyeing the barn, and Elijah’s not going to leave him on his own.

Not until he trusts what the fuck is going on here.

“Be my guest,” Amanda says. “After that, can you guys head out to the field?”

“Will do, Mama.”

Rocky follows at their heels, quieting the closer the get to the barn. The hair on the back of Elijah’s neck still stands on end, but, save for his mother and Grant, the farm’s clear—nothing out of the ordinary.

Grant whistles as he pulls on the door. “Damn thing’s strong.”

“Thing would’ve taken a truck to pull it off the hinges like this.” Elijah rubs his hand along the bent metal. The hinges look twisted, ruined beyond repair, the metal worn and fragile in places. “They’d’ve heard it.”

“No one’s gonna take a damn truck to a barn door, either. Easier to steal the cattle out of the pasture.” Grant seems lost in thought for a few seconds, then pulls a small flashlight from his pocket. “And that’s still a lot of work for half a dozen cattle.”

Old cattle, too. Allan does it more as a hobby, now, than as a way to make money. Breeds the cattle, trades them to keep the bloodlines clean. Elijah remembers some of it from when he used to live here. His father’s trips to cattle auctions.

“Elijah,” Grant says. His tone, soft, strange, not quite a whisper but not his normal tone, piques Elijah’s interest, and he follows Grant’s gaze to where he’s brushing his fingers along where the door used to sit against the side of the barn. He doesn’t see anything at first, just like Grant’s pressing against nothing, and then…

Three long, thick gashes in the wood, splintering the siding out. Like nails, fingernails, but… there’s nothing that could do that. A bear, maybe a cougar, but… “You’re seeing this, too, right?”

Anger flares in Elijah’s stomach. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Josh. He’s always been a joker, but—fuck, getting the cattle involved in his homecoming prank on Elijah? This isn’t some petty joke he’s playing, built from an old sibling rivalry he won’t let go of anymore. This isn’t just between them, and as soon as Elijah gets him alone, he’s going to tear his brother a new one.

He turns on his heel, back towards the field, towards where he can hear his father making whooping noises towards the cattle in the dark. Josh is—damn it. Usually better about this sort of thing. It’s not the first time one of his jokes has gone too far, but it’s about to be the last.

He comes across one of the cows before he sees his father. Behind him, he hears Grant’s footsteps. The cow makes a noise, distressed, and starts to stand. Elijah holds a hand out, palm up, and says, “Easy girl, you’re okay,” in a voice he hopes is soothing.

Still, she only makes concerned noises, struggling to get up, get away. Elijah turns, slow, moves so she’ll run towards the house, not farther into the field, still talking in quiet tones. “Easy—let’s get you back to the barn, yeah? Back to sleep? Bet Dad’s got some treats for you. How ‘bout you follow me?”

She moos again; this time, her voice breaks, and she stands, slow, staring off into the darkness behind Elijah. “Grant, you’re freaking her out,” Elijah says. “Can you back away, just a bit?”

No sound, though; no answer. Not even footsteps as Grant moves. Elijah turns, ready to ask him again, when he sees it—fur, thick, eyes glowing yellow in the dark, shining in the light from the yard. It stands tall, taller than Elijah by at least a foot, and its teeth glimmer, sharp and long. Arms, impossibly long, hang at its sides, its chest heaving with each breath.

It’s different, up close. Taller, thinner. Creepier. He thinks about Viola, about how her costume looks up close, and knows, without a doubt, this isn’t her.

His throat goes dry, his blood rushes like a river through his ears. He can’t scream, doesn’t know what he would say if he could, and hopes to tell Josh off for this, later, when the thing snarls, and the next thing Elijah sees is the large, clawed hand that reaches out, as if from the shadows, and punches him in the head.

He doesn’t remember falling.

[tumblunni]

Ohhh fuckin geez at least let me has a pikachu

Today's update: still feeling all fucked up from Everything Happening At Once, also getting a migraine from all the stress the other day and how i basically didnt sleep for two days and then passed out today and lost the entire 24 hours. Like man i cant even say the family shit was yesterday?? It just feels that way cos i spent all of today either sleeping, crying or crying on the phone to the bank and the stupid online game store that took my money for pokemon preorder yet didnt send me the actual game. GAHHHH and ive forgotten to Eat Food for like the whole three days all this shit has been going down, aside from a handful of Starburst candy my sis gave me during our Big Awkward Moment. And the energy drink i chugged on the way there to meet her because Fuck I Need Awakeness To Comprehend This Shit. I think my stomach is exploding in on itself.

Anyway! ANYWAY!! Gahhh! Anyway!

Thank you mega fuckin big much to the friends who leant me money AGAIN, both to catch the midnight bus to meet a long lost sibling and also to fix this stupid game preorder bollocks. God what the fuck is up with my life? I feel so guilty asking for money and man you guys have leant me like 300 in the last 3 months! Fuck i hope this stupid cavalcade of finance problems stops soon and i can start paying you all back because JESUS CHRIST. I feel like my skin is melting off my bones whenever i think about how much i dont deserve such great friends! 'welp yeah theyre wonderful people, guess i lost an arm' You ever wanna cringe yourself into a little ball from embarassment? Yeah like that but so much that i disintegrate into atoms.

SO I HOPE! FOR FUCKIN GODS SAKE! That this stolen money zero game bullshit gets resolved soon. But there's no chance of it taking less than a week, so thank you SO MUCH for helping me place another preorder at a different more reliable shop! This is what i get for fuckin going bargain hunting aaa. I ordered pikachu version just in case the original order does somehow turn up, cos it was eevee version. But i got none of the preorder bonuses anymore and no pokeball controller on this. I guess maybe itll make my second playthru more fun if i can finally use the damn controller, haha! And this second copy is probably gonna arrive quite late now cos i missed the preorder window. But it should be either on saturday or monday which is way better than waiting a month or something chasing up this bullshit! And hopefully also in a week or two i will get the money back from selling alll those preowned games, and it can go towards A: GROCERIES and B: repaying bebst friends of reckless money giving. You guys are fuckin nuts, seriously!! And man god i hate that im still suffering this knock-on effect tight finances bullshit from the stupid mental hospital thing 3 months ago. I mean i failed to even last a month there and its cost me almost a thousand pounds in terms of stocking up the stuff to be able to move house temporarily, all the mobile data i had to use while being without internet while i was there, all the miscellaneous expenses along the way, and then all the bill debt and having to restock tolietries and groceries and everyries when i got back home. Sighhh! And i feel guilty that i bought a stupid warhammer starter kit around halloween and i still havent even opened it because The Guilt. Like man i should have somehow predicted there would be more money trouble and saved that money rather than make a selfish purchase. But like it was the cheapest beginners kit anyway and i even haggled a discount for getting the figures without the paint. And now im being selfish and getting this pokemon game!! Twice!! Because stupid fuckin online banking nonsense!! Godddd give me back my money so i can give it to my friendsssss

So yeah in summary Bunni Feel Bad and also Overwhelmed and also Bad. But hopefully stuff is sorted now. Gah!

Also probably will be some delay on doing a lets play of this new pokemon cos i dunno when its gonna arrive and also i feel Big Sick now and need to chug a paracetamol and eat a loaf of bread before i die. Hope i dont spend all weekend just passed out on the sofa from Too Much Braining In One Day. Srsly why did this all happen all at once...

Also i probably wont go with the idea of twin protagonists headcanon for this LP, cos the whole Untimely Lost Sibling Madness kinda made that a sore spot to think about. One good side of getting the version i didnt want is that i can pick the female protagonist if i get pikachu version, and go with the personality i was gonna use for the female sibling. Cos actually it seems that your rival dude's perosnality is kinda simular to what i was gonna do for the male sibling? Could just have that sort of relationshup as a best buddies thing. And playing as a sassy roughhousing jock girl protag is gonna be more fun than playing The Nice And Shy Dude which is basically what i always do in every game cos its just me??? Would get more fun character lets player contrast with protagonist Darcy.

Also fuck i am gonna have SO MUCH to talk about in this first episode! Watchers who dont follow me on tumblr are gonna be so confused. "Hey youtube i just got out of mental hospital and found my long lost sister who thought i was dead, anyway never mind that lets talk about pokemon! I was gonna say i dont have any baby pictures of me when the original Pokemon Yellow came out, but here's the one i found on a facebook obituary for myself yesterday..."

What the fuck is my life, seriously?

Also if my starter ends up being a male pikachu im gonna name it Chuppy after my original one in pokemon yellow. And if its a girl i'll call it Ghostwriter after my mimikyu and pretend that its a mimikyu that just has an extra high quality disguise. Seriously, picturing all of these cute antics and tiny costumes on mimikyu makes it all even sweeter to me! I love ghosties!!

LOL I JUST REALIZED MAYBE IM A GHOST TRAINER COS I WAS "DEAD" ALL THESE YEARS AND DIDNT KNOW IT

Seriously man if there are any parents out there reading this, dont fuckin lie to your 4 year old that her sibling is dead just because the dad divorced you. There are no words for how fucked up this is. Except 'oh i guess thats why my favourite digimon frontier character is duskmon'. I fuckin thought that plot was unrealistic when i first watched it! XD actually i think duskmon is straight up my favourite digimon design and the one i'd probably pick as my partner, even though i prefer Impmon's plot from the third season. I kinda wanna go make a fanmade full evolution line for Duskmon now?? Man why am i getting so wildly off topic!

I really need to eat a food and sleep a sleep

[sontwine88]

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Begin Your Project.

completely pleased with the work they did the ended up work looks fantastic. As the job was all completed to a high typical i have asked him to do some more job and also i would gladly suggest him. From the area of our advancements, to the layout of the residences to the materials selected, we guarantee that our remarkable attention to information goes to the center of our quality construct procedures. Quality Build Shrewsbury were acquired to make as well as build a Garden Room and also landscape our very high grass. The Yard Space was well intended and also implemented to a high quality.

Because most tools can be instilled with tailored stat bonus offers, in most cases all that matters is including enough of a tertiary stat to be able to make use of a weapon, and after that pumping stats right into the primary incentive stat. also at 150 in bloodarena with all the tryhards, high quality develop still sensible if you make the most of tool button. Instilled and also buffed tools are normally stronger for the time of the buff. Infusing physical STR or DEX weapons generally kills the scaling, no matter what the scaling-letter states. I came across quite a few to warrant additional investigation, as well as have not truly discovered much that was existing, and even from SOTFS.

Tiny Orangery Conservatories And Also Glass Conservatories.

If adhering to a Stamina construct, remain to go for the complying with stats by heart degree 50. Presuming you're choosing a Stamina develop, you may intend to aim for the following statistics. Keep in mind that Toughness as well as Dexterity are highlighted in red to denote that it's your selection as to how many factors you place in these two stats relying on what weapon and also bonuses you're aiming for.

What's the average cost of a single story extension?

https://sexfather20.wordpress.com/2020/10/29/pulte-homes-agrees-to-acquire/ per m2 for an extension outside of London is between £1,200-£1,500. In London and the South East, the average cost per m2 is around £1,500-£2,000+. For two-storey extensions, add 50% to the cost of a single-storey extension. If you want to add a bathroom or kitchen, add £5,000-£10,000.

How you spend your statistics depends greatly on which weapons you wish to make use of. You might favor Strength weapons, like the Butcher's Knife, or perhaps Quality based tools that include both Stamina and Mastery into their base bonuses, like the Sellsword Twinblades.

How do you calculate glazing area?

The glazed area for each zone in your model is calculated. This is the total area of planes that are tagged as glazing in your 3D model and that are external glazing. In the example above: 1. Floor area = 20m2. 2. Total window free area = 2 windows @0.6m2 each = 1.2m2. 3. Free Area for room = 1.2m2 / 20m2 = 6%

The tool is quick sufficient to land 2 hits and afterwards roll away from any kind of threat, leaving the adversary without any hint as to what happened. It's one of one of the most cherished weapons in the whole game, and also it's simple to see why this holds true. When crafting a Quality build for Dark Hearts, it is essential to get ready with only the best weapons to suit a gamer's staminas and skills. Visceral damages ranges off your Skl stat, the gems slotted within your tool, and your level. Purchasing this stat will enable you to major fast, light tools.

When an issue came up, Nathan would certainly offer it with prospective remedies to select from. Fantastic versatility with our stop/start task as well as was extremely fitting of our random demands.

It is recommended to maintain this stat over 50 as weapons are made use of invariantly in the video game. In-game your personality has a variety of statistics differing from Arcane to Stamina. And as you progress in the game, defeating all enemies and also finish the projects and also objective, you level up which permits you to level up the stats. Towards the end of your time in Undead Negotiation you will be given a Irithyll Straight Sword after killing an Outrider Knight. This weapon is extremely effective, resembles the Lengthy Sword, and also can last you the entire video game if you take pleasure in the fast attacks of straight swords.

Take a virtual tour, tailor your house throughout, or obtain inspired by our picture galleries.

Mostly all services happen in the client's home or the neighborhood w here the problems are taking place and, eventually, where they need to be dealt with.

HOMEBUILDERS ® therapists deal with risky households involved with the youngster protective services system.

Kid safety and security is made certain through small caseloads, program intensity, and 24-hour a day solution schedule.

The objective of the program is to remove the danger of harm to the kid rather than removing the youngster.

The program offers households the chance to learn brand-new habits, as well as helps them make better selections for their kids.

With our large choice of cutting-edge house strategies, we're certain you'll find your fit.

contrasted to various other statistics, so it's finest to level up Body and Heart to 10 overlooking your tool of selection. We used Nathan for a tiny renovation to an existing building. Initially we liked his very easy way and also wonderful communication.

So I guess what I'm mainly asking is whether these situations are still the same? Maybe what I review was simply individuals trying to construct as optimally as feasible.

Let The Sunlight In! Whatever You Would Like To Know Concerning Sunrooms

Recently Developed Residences.

i mainly implied the tools that receive darksoulswiki under straight swords. You can go with 40 toughness 40 dex, itll offer you space for health and wellness and also endurance with alot of weapons to expirament with. i was very pleased with the job that was accomplished by top quality constructed they were very dependable very specialist and also spick-and-span.

Do sunrooms need foundations?

If you are building a sunroom from the ground up, you will want to start with a slab foundation. If the land that you want to build your sunroom on will not be able to be graded and leveled for construction, you will have to build a framed foundation using concrete or cement block walls.

When you strike around 35 to 40 Vigor, you may want to think about putting points right into Vigor to be able to bring heavier tools or armor. Having a large swimming pool of health and wellness is only completely efficient if your Estus Flask can recovery you up to complete promptly without numerous usages. So, exactly how you stabilize Vigor, Vitality, as well as Stamina from mid to late game depends partially on the amount of Estus Flask upgrades you have actually obtained. Note that heavy armors aren't as reliable as in previous games, yet do aid you mitigate damages.

[neproxrezi]

the pokemon platinum experience

i just beat pokemon platinum, my first ever pokemon game! besides magikarp jump and pokemon go. @sometipsygnostalgic​ got me to play a proper pokemon game (platinum, specifically), and i went and found an emulator and did the darned thing. gonna write aaaall my thoughts and experiences here!

the pokemon:

i picked piplup as my starter. i’ve always had a soft spot for birds, and water types are my favourites (because of playing pokemon go in a very watery place) so it was kind of a no brainer! i named him gunther and he was my best pokemon til the end. my final big pokemon were empoleon, garchomp, luxray, lucario, giratina and staraptor, and i used tropius and bibarel as HM pokemon. my favourites i saw were shinx (it was love at first sight.. cmon look at it), starly (see above...), gible (who i was very excited to discover), piplup, buneary (I HATE LOPUNNY WITH ALL MY HEART), and all the eevees! i found a shiny magikarp at one point, but i ko’d it like a fucking fool. i’ve completed the sinnoh pokedex, including the luckiest encounter i will ever have in my life, a shiny giratina! i master balled the fucker asap. 

ok, onto the next thing: exploring the game

this game has GREAT music! i have no idea how it compares to the other pokemon games, because i have never played them. however the music for routes absolutely slaps and i love the subtle change at night when it gets slower and lower in pitch, and all the music instilled these varied senses of nostalgia (for something i was just experiencing for the first time?!), home-iness in places like snowpoint city, and really nice senses of mystery and adventure and exploration. my first impression from this game alone is that the pokemon games are probably all masterclasses in this kind of electronic-ish game music because the soundtrack to platinum is fantastic! area designs were awesome, and i think i’ll probably have to spend a while more backtracking through places to see what i missed that was locked earlier on with HM moves. i loved trainer battles, i actually have to say i didn’t like wild grass encounters as much as the rest of the experience (particularly random CAVE encounters), but in the game’s defense i didnt use repels as much as i maybe should. i killed so many goddamn zubats. i liked puzzles with the pushing rocks and the caves full of unown (which i noticed the pattern in after a while.. that was awesome!) and the distortion world, etc etc. all in all, i loved the games area design and puzzles and music and atmosphere and yeah! it was great on that front

story:

yo cyrus what the fuck. like, someone needs to get that dude... idk. what makes people care about things? cyrus needs to start trying to give even a hint of a fuck about life and the world. i thought his grunts were a bit cooler, and cyrus himself... his character was a tiny bit flat i guess in  the game just because of how flat his personality is in general? dude just came across as constantly dull and nihilistic and like there was absolutely nothing else to him (i know in the anime hes actually shown to be happy with being taken to the distortion world, right?) 

i have no pictures of her and im kind of afraid to do a google image search, but i loved cynthia. i loved cynthia so much! i wasn’t all that surprised honestly to see her as the league champion. i figured the league champion would either be professor rowan, cynthia, or someone i’d never met before. cynthia was a pretty high candidate for it and i loved her throughout the game! very mysterious and nice to me and cool. i decided she was my female trainers goth gf (together they made the perfect gamer and goth gf duo)

lucas and professor rowan: who????

the occasional pokemon seen walking about like an npc who makes a noise when u talk to them: 10/10 best characters,. flawless depiction, moving arcs, fantastically writen

anything else: 

ok so. i have one problem with this game. the elite four was UNBELIEVABLY hard, and if i give up on that criticism now ive beaten them itll just look like i was salty and i cant have that. the difficulty curve for the rest of the game was reasonable and i beat the game with very little grinding until the elite four. at that point, the level of their pokemon curved up absurdly steeply compared to everything else thus far. in the elite four you have to go from fighting level 49 to level 62 pokemon. i’m pretty sure nowhere else in the entire game made a jump that big in what is essentially a single area... i only won cynthia’s fight when her obscenely overpowered garchomp missed a few attacks and i killed it by pure fluke, then spammed healing potions on giratina whilst it whittled things down with its massive hp pool and Pressure ability. the only way i could possibly beat cynthia in the end was a war of attrition, because all her pokemon were much faster and heavier hitting than mine. all of the elite four were difficult to varying degrees, but none like bertha and cynthia. if i ever have to see a pokemon use earthquake again i will cry. the big thing that annoys me ultimately about the elite four’s difficulty is that, i didn’t grind very much to that point. i did a little bit to level up garchomp enough, and i kept most of my early-game pokemon right to the end. if i beat the rest of the game doing a bit more than the bare minimum (i’d say i played a reasonable amount of the game?) and suddenly hit a brick wall and had to senselessly grind for aaages to get any further? I’d say the elite four have been poorly balanced in respect to the rest of the game, and should be reworked to be more appropriately levelled w the rest of sinnoh.

also i felt a bit awkward post-elite-four when i arrived in the battle zone, and the fights so far aren’t as hard as the elite four! i had to make it past an absurdly difficult hurdle that had me stumped for days if not weeks, and you’re telling me the area i unlocked actually goes back DOWN in level? i know it makes sense to not have an area full of people stronger than the champion of sinnoh, but... having to fight the champion to unlock it was a bugger. i bet not everyone in this area is a champion of a bloody region! (pls dont tell me they literally are in the lore. pleas no) 

but yeah that one annoying difficulty hurdle/brick wall aside, it was a good game!!! i really, really, REALLY enjoyed pokemon platinum and id love to play another pokemon game after this :D on the one hand i’d love to go to alola and catch up with the rest of you... but on the other hand there’s a lot of the other older games i should probably play too :33

[kj-nixon]

happy v day

On any other day, it would be nearly impossible to wake KJ up before 10am. You would have to fire a gun next to her. It was actually a major concern of her family’s, but she had always been more of a night owl than an early bird.

But today was Valentine’s Day. And this year she was going to do something fantastic for Hunter.

Last night, she had stolen his Apple Watch after he had fallen asleep and set the alarm to vibrate on her wrist at 7. She hated the thing because she felt the radiation from it would lead to arthritis. Bailey had tried to explain that that wasn’t how arthritis worked, but KJ was still skeptical. Regardless, it was the only way she could think of setting an alarm without also waking up Hunter.

God damn, 7am. Any later and Hunter would probably wake up on his own and ruin the surprise. Why did he have to be such an adult?

KJ grinned at that. That’s why she loved him.

As gracefully as she could manage, which wasn’t all that graceful if you knew KJ, she slipped out of their queen sized bed and tip toed to the kitchen. Their apartment was more of an open loft. A giant, brick square with only the bedroom and tiny bath distorting the shape by jutting out to the side. Looking at the floor plan, she had never quite been able to figure out how it interlinked with the other apartments, but really, did it matter? It suited them perfectly. The kitchen was as much a part of the living room as it was the dining room.

Open concept, open vibes.

They had it decorated as some combination of industrial modern and cozy, and the kitchen was pretty much the same. The tricky part was that KJ so rarely actually opened their cabinets that it took her a few attempts to find the pans she needed. Eventually, though, she got the bacon onto the gas stove and started on making breakfast in bed.

Hunter was, hands down, the best thing to happen to her. She knew she said it a lot, but it was just facts. Without him, she would probably be chasing yet another degree that she wouldn’t complete. He rescued her. Of course, he’d never admit it, but KJ and her siblings knew that she was kind of worthless without him.

And she was worthless, no doubt about it. Worthless against conventional standards. She couldn’t keep a job, her temper kept her from really being too great a people person, and without help her living space would be a dump. But she thrived in a space where you could let her be expressive, and Hunter provided her that. He encouraged her to be as creative and goofy and obnoxious as she wanted. And, somehow, they had figured out how to monetize it online. The cookie crumbled perfectly in that way.

She wanted to get lost in all the different ways she loved him, but it was almost impossible to actually start a list. Because as soon as she thought of one detail, it was almost immediately replaced and forgotten with another. He was just.... her world. She was obsessed with him. And she was pretty sure he was equally obsessed with her.

She assumed. She hoped.

KJ wasn’t actually a secure person. Some would even dare to call her insecure. And she felt justified in her anxiousness. Comparing herself to others was one of her most developed skills, and she never could measure up. So, if by some chance a girl who was just as pretty as she was, but twice as responsible came along, was there really any doubting that Hunter would take an interest? He was actually the perfect, functioning adult. One day he’d realize he was tired of babysitting a grown child. She just hoped it was on his death bed. Because KJ quite actually couldn’t live without him.

They’d be together forever if she had any say. And if you know any Faline, they have a lot to say.

And so what if they weren’t legally linked? KJ loved being with him no matter what. Did she sometimes dream about having the big wedding? Sure. Did she ever wonder if he even thought about asking her to get married? Yeah. Was she kind of concerned that he hadn’t asked yet because he didn’t want to permanently link himself to her in such a way that it would be difficult to leave her when he was ready? Who the fuck asked you?!

KJ’s brain snapped back to the kitchen when she smelled the smoke. While zoning out, she had splashed bacon grease onto the range and started a fire. Fucking ADHD.

What were you supposed to use on a grease fire again? All she could remember was not water, but she needed to put it out before the alarms went off and woke Hunter up.

Um.

Ummmm.

Flour!

Kj had no idea where they kept flour, or if they even had it, but the pancake mix sitting on the counter was the next best thing. Without giving herself a moment to second guess it, she dumped the box of powder onto the stove.

Well... on the stove, in the pan, and on the floor, technically.

She stared at it, willing it to not be all over the place. But, alas, there it was.

Kayla Jane, you’re an idiot.

But at least the apartment wasn’t up in flames.

Sighing, she dropped the empty box on the counter and skated to the corner deigned the living room in her socks. Her sleep tank and shorts were covered in mix now, but when was she ever put together? KJ picked up her phone and quickly ordered Postmates from their favorite diner, like the proper millennial she was. Should’ve done it in the first place, but she wanted to be romantic.

The second phase of the morning was cute enough anyway. It didn’t take her long to get her computer hooked up to their TV and get started on touching up the final bits of editing for her next video. KJ had become pretty savvy with anything techy since her career on YouTube took off. Not that she understood a single thing about engineering or how any of the machines actually functioned, but she could put it all together and operate it pretty easily if you gave her twenty minutes and a 5 Hour Energy to figure it out.

The doorbell rang and she ran to grab their food, knowing full well that he’d definitely get up for that. If he hadn’t smelled the smoke already.

Sure enough, Hunter stepped out of their room just as she finished unpacking their breakfast. KJ would never get over how insanely tall and good looking he was. Like, it wasn’t even fair.

But she sure did appreciate having the injustice in her bed.

He smiled at her and chuckled, probably laughing at how messy she was.

“Don’t go to the kitchen,” she warned, pointing a finger at him threateningly.

“It kind of smells like I should,” he replied.

“You absolutely should not. You should come kiss me and get your present instead.”

“That does sound much more pleasant.”

He graciously leaned down so she could stand on her toes and give him a peck on the mouth. She guided him to sit in front of the television and placed his food in front of him. “Happy Valentine’s Day, baby.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, sunshine.”

Patience wasn’t really a Faline trait either, so she only gave him enough time to take two bites of food before she climbed into his lap and face the TV. “Okay, I made something.”

“You did? For me?”

“For you.”

“I’m touched.”

“You will be.”

“So will you.” He winked.

She licked his cheek. Then she pressed the enter key on her keyboard.

The video went live on her channel. A shaky close up of Hunter’s forehead came on screen. You could hear KJ’s laughter over the speakers as the camera zoomed out and you were able to see the picnic set up from one of their earliest dates. Minute by minute, the video played through a compilation of vlogs from the last four years of their relationship. Some were of their travel adventures, others were at home where Hunter was obviously unaware that she wasn’t filming. Two consisted of KJ being home alone, lamenting her state of abandonment while Hunter was on a business trip. Every clip, every piece, was carefully chosen to show how perfect they were.

KJ had been on social media for the last three years, but she had never made her relationship public to her audience. Anything regarding Hunter was posted to her private accounts that only friends and family could see. Even her family was often used as clickbait. But Hunter had been reserved as a secret, or marketed as just a friend. And she had never quite been able to explain why.

Part of it had been that she was afraid of karma. If she put them out their publicly, then maybe they’d break up and she’d have to announce to the world that she was alone and her person had left her. Or maybe it was because she was selfish and didn’t want him to get any attention outside of her (and Simon.)

But, around Christmas, she had decided that she wanted the entire planet to know how mad she was for her. She wanted her audience, people she loved and was inspired by, to see how lucky she was.

And she would cut any bitch who tried to bat a single eyelash at him.

The video was only about five minutes long, nowhere near the length of her usual challenges and vlog segments, but there was four years of love pieced throughout it. And she prayed to the universe that he got the bigger picture.

That she loved him more than anything on the entire planet.

It ended and she stretched her head back to see his expression, a proud smile on her face. For a moment, he just continued staring at the screen.

She knew it would take a moment to buffer in his brain. They had discussed forever ago that they’d never go public and he was okay with that. Hunter had never cared one way or the other, but KJ had insisted.

Now...

He looked down at her and she saw his blue eyes glisten. It made her smile wider. He was such an emotional tall man.

Climbing around to wrap her arms and legs around him, she sat up to look him directly in the face. “You’re my person. I’ve staked my claim across the globe now. So if any skanks try to make a move on you while you’re wherever your stupid job sends you, you now have live proof to show them that I will hunt them down and burn their eyebrows off.”

“Oh, it’ll have them and their eyebrows shaking in their kitten heels.” He grinned.

She kissed him. Hard.

“I love you, Green Giant.”

“I love you too, Thumbilina.”

KJ tucked her head into the crook of his neck and gave a happy sigh.

“So... What did you burn?”

“Oh my god, SHUT UP!”

[sirwaterboy]

lowkey was going to do the same to you anyway 1-100 get it boi

The meaning behind my url: lmao it was about something stupid with water but now it’s either because i drink hella water.

A picture of me: (at the bottom)

How many tattoos i have and what they are: I HAVE NONE but i want oyasumi punpun eyes on my left side of my chest and i want a half sleeve but all of those are still undecided.

Last time i cried and why: last month and oof long story short a really rough break up.

Piercings i have: none yet but i’ll be getting ear piercings soon.

Favorite band: hmmm… i have a lot and none of them are coming to mind right now lmao 

Biggest turn offs: MYSELF lmao jk, but seriously it’d probably be just lying, hiding important things, and autocracy.

Top 5 (insert subject): THERE WAS NO SUBJECT SO ITLL BE JUST TOP 5 FAVS 1- MUSIC 2- FOOD 3-FRIENDS 4-ANIME/MANGA/MOVIES/SHOWS/VIDEOGAMES/JUST GOOD THINGS TO PASS THE TIME 5-SLEEP

Tattoos i want: lmao oyasumi pun pun eyes and a really great rhombus design

Biggest turn ons: oh boy. this’ll be something. showing me something new, a beautiful smile and staring into my eyes, catching them doing something serious and seeing how they are in a professional setting, I COULD GO ON BUT MY HEART IS JUST FLUTTERING THINKING ABOUT THESE TINY THINGS AGH.

Age: 19

Ideas of a perfect date: this could go two ways 1-a comfy stay at home date, watch a nice movie (any type will do as long as we get to cuddle), horseplay with just constant giggles, deep talks about everything and anything, being able to sit down in the same room in a COMFORTABLE SILENCE (I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH), soft intimate moments~ or 2-ADVENTURE ADVENTURE GO OUT INTO THE FOREST TAKE NIGHT DRIVES DO STUPID STUFF HAVE FUN LIVE LIFE 

Life goal: enough financial stability to be able to buy my friends/family things they want and satisfy my impulsive wants lmao.

Piercings i want: simple black dots would do. or maybe even a small ring with it.

Relationship status: single

Favorite movie: oof. right now? probably heathers. 

A fact about my life: I love simple things

Phobia: spiders

Middle name: Daniel

Height: 6′4″

Are you a virgin?: nope

What’s your shoe size?: 10 ½-11 in mens

What’s your sexual orientation?: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?: yes. 

Someone you miss: my friends and family in la

What’s one thing you regret?: being emotionally/mentally abusive and being manipulative. i’m sorry.

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: Steven Yeun

Favorite ice cream?: Coffee

One insecurity: my smile

What my last text message says: “I had a good time too, sleep well cutie”

Have you ever taken a picture naked?: semi yes

Have you ever painted your room?: NOPE AND I’M SAD ABOUT THAT

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?: ye

Have you ever slept naked?: ye

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?: ye

Have you ever had a crush?: LMAO YE

Have you ever been dumped?: yep

Have you ever stole money from a friend?: does it count if it was my money

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?: bruh uber

Have you ever been in a fist fight?: yep

Have you ever snuck out of your house?: ye

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?: ye

Have you ever been arrested?: nope and I really hope never

Have you ever made out with a stranger?: yup

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?: yep

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?: ye

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?: YEP

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?: many a time

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?: yep

Have you ever seen someone die?: yeah..

Have you ever been on a plane?: yep

Have you ever kissed a picture?: I’m embarrassed but ye

Have you ever slept in until 3?: yep.

Have you ever love someone or miss someone right now?: I have loved someone, but right now I love nobody. besides myself and friends/family.

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?: yep

Have you ever made a snow angel?: yep

Have you ever played dress up?: forcefully yes

Have you ever cheated while playing a game?: ohohoh NO ONE CAN PROVE ANYTHING

Have you ever been lonely?: who hasn’t

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?: all the time

Have you ever been to a club?: depends on what kind of club you mean. but if you mean like a dance/strip club nope

Have you ever felt an earthquake?: I LIVED IN LA. OH HELL YEAH.

Have you ever touched a snake?: ye

Have you ever ran a red light?: ye

Have you ever been suspended from school?: nah

Have you ever had detention?: yeh

Have you ever been in a car accident?: minor

Have you ever hated the way you look?: yep

Have you ever witnessed a crime?: yep

Have you ever pole danced?: yes lmao

Have you ever been lost?: not really no, I always found my way

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?: yes but it doesn’t count. I wanna be able to take a long ass road trip.

Have you ever felt like dying?: yep

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?: yep

Have you ever sang karaoke?: yep

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?: YUP

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?: oh god last time that happened it was with coke and tears started coming out cause god damn it stings

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?: nope

Have you ever kissed in the rain?: yep. first kiss (cheesy i know)

Have you ever sang in the shower?: dude, if you say you haven’t you’re missing out (ye)

Have you ever made out in a park?: yep

Have you ever dream that you married someone?: yep.

Have you ever glued your hand to something?:nope

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?: Nah

Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked?: nah

Have you ever been a cheerleader?: yep lmao

Have you ever sat on a roof top?: DUDE YES BEST THING

Have you ever brush your teeth?: ….wtf

Have you ever ever too scared to watch scary movies alone?: i was but now i love scary movies

Have you ever played chicken?: mhmm

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?: yep

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?: yep

Have you ever broken a bone?:yep

Have you ever been easily amused?: i’m easily amused most of the time

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?: yep

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?: yep

Have you ever cheated on a test?: again.. NO ONE CAN PROVE ANYTHING

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?: all the time lmao

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?: yep

Have you ever give us one thing about you that no one knows.: ….. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk man

[somedaypast-thesunset]

my relationship is going very good for once. admist the chaos we realized that were like each others #1 support and now i feel we both try to go out of our way to include each other in our plans. an that feels normal and comfortable but ive been very anxious about the amount of money hes been spending because that inevitably comes back to me - even when im not asking for money. 

but losing my wallet was a huge blow to the like productivity and steps forward to improve life. it was like 2 steps back essentially. and my roommate is not a great roommate but i dont feel anxiety about him so i dont have anxiety in the place i live now. i definitely dont like alot of things - the mess is becoming too much and there is no common courtesy. i even tried to help by doing the dishes that sat for 2 weeks. i dont think hes a bad person and hes older so these are probably habits hes had for a long time but this morning it had spilled into the bathroom - the one common area i had been tryng to keep decent. on top of that he used all my toilet paper and didnt replace it. i just bought it on friday and now ill have to buy more. 

and the thing is i dont want to get into a big thing about how he should not be doing this -- i mean its obvious he shouldnt. other people live here too. and like i guess if i also did it he probably wouldnt even care but i dont want that. ive become accustom to sharing a bathroom which you keep tidy for the next user. its just courteous. 

but heres the thing - this location is exactly where i want to live. my bedroom is great - it’s big and spacious and dry and has air flow and no weird bugs. my cats choose to live in this room despite having more access probably because its clean an tidy an theyre able to move around. i have free laundry. internet access is good. these are all super important things but not having regular good access to a kitchen is not great. and i regret now giving away my skillet and electric grill because i think i would feel less bothered if i had more options to solve the problem. 

many times over the past 2 weeks i thought to myself about the japanese who live in very very small apartments. like their apartments might be the size of my bedroom an they have bathrooms and kitchens in it. they keep pets in it. i mean is it a great way to live? i dont know. im not them. but i also like the idea of tiny homes. even though im complaining about this mess and lack of ammenities right now - i could solve this problem in the future in some way. especially if i get disability. and its not so big i have to move to solve it. its not ideal. its not even really “fair” but at the same time i’ve seen ENOUGH ads that give yu NOTHING for the price im paying but the abilit to sleep in the room. i could just get a hot plate. and that would honestly be fine. it would be good enough to survive. and like if i grew up and told this story, i would focus on the fact i got the rare chance to live in a spot i literally wanted to live in. like walked by and said “i would live there” and its a very nice apartment despite the mess. and i would talk about the room and the upgrade from my previous space and jut add on that i used a hot plate. 

but i like tiny homes. i would live in a tiny home an feel very very content about it. i prefer a room. i legitimately prefer a small space which i am not overwhelmed by and i feel like its my own bubble that i can safely return to and survive. i could feed myself, bathe myself, sleep under a roof. period. thats what im looking for in a place and right now i almost have that. and its very annoying not to be able to use the ammenities right now but its not the end of the world - i could ask atleast 7 people to feed me an they would before i went to a shelter type situation. in reality i proably could ask for 20$ just to buy shit i dont have to cook. so there’s a lot of options here. 

i’m trying to stay positive when things are not amazing right now. right now is pretty low. its mid month and im flat broke with zero prospects. in fact i threw out prospects to save my mental health an it still think it was the right decisions to make but i needed that money. i am trying to fight off deep depression - just sleeping an existing - and it’s not so bad right now. and right now is all that really matters because i cant control later. ive slowed down if not stopped my “extracirrculars” entirely but have all the time in the world for them. it just seems like such a chore. as does bathing. 

i have an event coming up this week that ive planned for almost two months. it’s nothing big - i sold it to my partner that it was a fail-safe; something so simple that we could snap our fingers to do. we both see it as a nice small gathering of friends and friends of friends for a fun seasonal event, like friends coming over for a classy halloween party. my only true responsibility is gathering food & drink supplies. i want to have a small bake sale to raise money for my art group; maybe to buy advertising or something online and i had worked out some kind of budget but i dont think itll be applicable now and i dont even really have the money for it. i think if i sold drinks for $1 and we have 17 people attending, we can make atleast 15$. i want to make cookies and package them in a thing of 2 and maybe sell them for 1.50 or 2$. maybe if i can buy cheap cookie mix i could package 3 and it would be nicer value for 2$. i have to put in the effort todo this though but i think if i could do it really nice and very simple, it’ll be worth it and people will be willing to buy it. it would also be nice to paint a sign or have some flyers but a majority of them were ruined during the last event and i dont want to use more ink/paper from my usual free source. 

i wish life were as simple as this though - making cookies and drinks and selling them to people to make cash to live on but it becomes convoluted in society and youre flash cooking frozen goods and serving drinks in under a minute with a bunch of rules and regulations. i read somewhere that our future would return to mom & pop stores - people would choose aa personal touch over mass produced and i hope that future exists. thats a future i can be in. i dont think ill survive in a high tech everyone is a number world.

though - yesterday i realized ive memorized my welfare ID. 

im upset something as simple as getting a piece of paper signed in a 12 hour period and leaving it available to me couldnt happen. i felt comfort thinking it was in the proces and i had control over my day but i dont. before i take a shower i have to remove all he electronics from the bathroom because im a decent person. and its frustrating to myself that i cant simply reset from these hopes in my day to a new plan. its not like oh well i didnt get this i guess ill do this instead. no, its a lot of ruminating on it. wondering whats best now.