#but i like it much better this way
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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just how long is forever? // not long enough, with you
pssst. check this out on inprnt :]
#pssst also. you should click/zoom on this. for better quality and to see all my silly little details :] hooty hoo#this is my totkversary thing im just too impatient to wait till the 12th LOL. big shoutout to this game tht has ruined my life. and zelink.#zelink#light dragon#link#zelda#loz#totk#princess zelda#totk spoilers#link totk#zelda totk#tears of the kingdom#loz fanart#i had soooo much fun drawing this i really did. i think this is a good capstone piece for how much ive improved so far this year#i still have a long ways to go ofc but. i am pleased ^_^ nd i am glad i can use zink like experiments to do so hehe#anyway. YURI FOREVERRRRR BITCH#my art
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very late to the meme, it's been done before but. here.
turn on the sound pls
#disco elysium#harry du bois#cop slide#slowly learning to use blender and after effects#i was like 'oh i could just send a ragdoll harry through the slide that would be easier!' no. thats way harder than animating him#i could have done better camera shake but i already spent waaaay too much time on this#animation#blender#_#_fanart#y
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More Fem Kurt!! since her adoptive mom is Romani I think she’d be very close to the culture :D
#🩸🤡 art#doodles that I put way too much effort into …#I did draw this to make me feel better after … recent events#I call her Ada because it’s short like Kurt and also has German and Turkish origins like Kurt#(the name Kurt not Kurt Wagner)#I hope yall like her tho 🥺#kurt wagner#nightcrawler#xmen fanart#x men#kurt wagner fanart
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tessa, being the edgy little freak she is, obviously took the original darkxwolf username
#synemy is like a fun fic go read that#inspired by some chatter in the archives where tessas username was discussed and i suggested “darkxwolf16”#synemy drone tessa is quite the enigma. i dont draw other peoples oc designs often so it took a bit to get the hair a way i like#you can see it changing inbetween panels if you care hard enough#i think im getting better with like poses or stuff#im not hating myself nearly as much when i draw hands so thats gotta be a positive#putting tessa in a drone body so uzi can strangle her for taking the name#otherwise she would've found a way to strangle her own bits of code. hell hath no fury like a doorman scorned#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#murder drones tessa#drone!tessa#synemy#never thought i'd use tags like these but well here we are#hi kalpeavaris if you somehow stumble your way onto this
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My baby brother...☺️🤏💖
#my s class hunters#s classes that i raised#the s classes that i raised#han yoojin#han yoohyun#msch#sctir#tsctir#SO MANY TITLES IDK WHICH ONE TO USEEE#내가 키운 s급들#내스급#my art#2ND 내스급 FANART EVER WOOO#finally used a pose ref image i saved ages ago... hehe#I LOVE THESE BROTHERS SM THEY MAKE ME SMILE AND CRY THEY DESERVE THE WORLD#BIG BABY BROTHER AND TINY HYUNG...🥹🥹#btw this time i tried drawing them (specifically yoohyun) more in my 'usual' style instead of trying to copy the webtoon#BC THE SPECIFIC WAY BIWAN DRAWS THEIR EYES IS BEAUTIFUL BUT SO HARD TO IMITATE#i like how it turned out much better this time... hehe#OH AND IG THIS IS ALSO MY FIRST TIME DRAWING YOOJIN.. LMAO
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"how do you enjoy *insert fandom here* I hear they're the worst"
Find the ppl who enjoy the thing you like the way you do. Ignore, mute or block the ppl who don't.
Ta-Da~
#literally just unfollowed someone posting petty snark about choices ppl made in game#their good taste in fanart isn't worth their superiority complex that THEY made BETTER CHOICES or whatever#been doing this since I was in Sailor Moon way back when#It helps a ton for Dragon age as well#and a MILLION PERCENT what I do for CR lol#I just thought adding the veil here was funny#b/c you do lose some of the magic#but at least your life isn't MISERABLE#No fandom is better than being among bad fandom TRUST me#and much like me in my own fandom space this probably will give me and 5 other ppl a chuckle XD
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merlin who uses his magic everyday in ways that he doesn’t realize isn’t normal. magic helping him see in the dark so he can find his way in the woods or dark rooms with no problem. connecting with the woods around him so he always knows where he is and whats in the general vicinity which allows him to sense bandits just before they attack. using magic to keep warm in the cold or to cool down in the heat. confident and willing to go toe to toe with anyone bc he knows that regardless of what they throw at him, he could always win bc he could just use magic.
then somehow someway (post magic reveal) a sorcerer takes away merlin’s magic. or well just locks it away ig. but anyways merlin doesn’t have this part of him anymore and is left feeling empty, exposed, and vulnerable. arthur, the knights, and merlin going on a quest for answers to their problem and a way to get merlins magic back. but. but. but merlin is all jumpy and he’s rambling more than ever and is often reaching out to grab onto someone (usually arthur) and everyone’s confused and then they get ambushed and merlin freezes in the middle of the path like a deer. he’s watching everything go down around him with wide eyes until he’s targeted and one of the knights have to rush in to save him. afterward merlin is constantly holding someone and his grip is rather tight. he keeps looking around, his eyes scanning the trees around them over and over. when they try and settle down for the night, merlin wont leave the camp without an escort or two and when they’re trying to go to sleep, merlin is flinching at every noise in the woods around them and ends up shuffling over toward the person closest to him and laying pressed up against them.
arthur opening his mouth to tease and call him a coward when the word registers in his mind and he realizes that that’s what he’s actually seeing, merlin scared and defenseless. he ofc doesn’t realize the true depth of it all, i mean he knows merlin is missing his magic but he doesn't know that magic has always been a part of merlin, it makes him him. he’s had magic since he was born, he’s never known life without it. as he is now, he feels bare and exposed and blind and deaf and terrified. the knights are his defense rn and for the past few years, merlins been their protector so its a complete reversal of everything he’s ever known. he’s scared. arthur bites his tongue and lets merlin hold onto his arm and snuggle up close at night for some form of comfort and security. he doesn’t tease or mock and responds to his ramblings of fear with a level of gentleness the knights weren’t aware he even possessed. merlin slowly relaxing as arthur subtly comforts him without addressing it
#i feel like this was a plot line in canon#idc#dont tell me#also yeah merlin would probably hide it better but for the sake of fanfiction plots were ignoring that#i just need arthur taking care of merlin#is that too much to ask for#jesus christ#also merlin ‘the bravest man arthur knows’ hunithson would still go on the quest and maybe pick up a weapon to try and fight the bandit#but hes also defenseless in a way he never was before and is shit with a sword#so yeah hes relying on the others for help and protection#merlin blocks two strikes from the bandit before the sword is knocked out of his hand and percy rushes in to knock the bandit over the head#merlins hands are shaking for an hour after the fact#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#fanfiction#fanfic#fic ideas#prompts#lil ooc but who doesnt love that
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illario as the grandchild that is most like caterina is something i'm loving to chew on. the grandson that took her lessons to heart the most. kill anyone who sees your face and knows your name, "we are not revolutionaries", the first out of the two to prioritise the contract. power at any cost, and the only one to lean into the unnecessary abuse that their grandmother told them was tradition. why is anyone surprised he allied with the venatori? and then there's illario's considerable skill in infiltration and manipulating any mark, he has always had the charisma that lucanis lacked. illario isn't attached, he has/can/will use someone and immediately drop them; "that does free me from promises i don't intend to keep". he can lie about how much he cares so well that he fools a magister into believing he loves her. he kills zara without hesitation to cover his own tracks, meanwhile lucanis blindly promises a young girl in the middle of a siege that he will help her find her father. even the lessons about family stick with him, and in this entire messy power struggle, he never actually orders anyone to directly kill caterina or lucanis, not until he's backed into a corner.
and even after all that. despite even lucanis believing illario should be first talon, lucanis is still the better killer. illario is not strong enough to be the brutal assassin caterina needs him to be. so when lucanis seems to fill the role his mother left, grief and love for her dead heir apparent remains, and any of the other qualities caterina needs in her next talon doesn't matter. whatever his mother was, lucanis has to be. what illario does doesn't matter, because he will always be second best to caterina's memory of her favored daughter.
#<- guy who's only seen succession: this is just like shiv and logan#last point is kind of meta and hcish. idk how much caterina cared about her children and lucanis' mother. grain of salt everyone#but it would make sense to me. woman projecting her grief so hard it fucks up the next generation#at the end of the day realistically the best person to lead this criminal organisation is the sweet talker with no morals#who can rally their assassins and negotiate his way out of anything#not lucanis 'this crow has a heart' dellamorte. who i think would also be a fairer leader but#well. his leadership style would take a decidedly different turn. is that something he can afford as first talon??? like you know.#THE ASSASSIN GUILD? WITH THE VERY BLEAK HISTORY? 'WE'RE NOT HEROES ANYWHERE COUSIN' ?????#LED BY LUCANIS 'would rather endanger the mission than kill innocents' DELLAMORTE !!!!?#i would be less weird about it if the game acknowledged he's a 'kind' crow more explicitly and like#how this would change the crows. but realistically. and biasedly. i think illario makes a better (more morally grey too) talon#and also zevran should be here#anyways. im normal.#illario dellamorte#caterina dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age#veilguard spoilers#dav spoilers#dav#edit: NOTE I AM SAYING ILLARIO MAKES. A BETTER TALON AND NOT A GOOD ONE#his number one dickriding glazer but i would not go that far. sorry babe.
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(don't look down look at bonnie)
#fanart#my art#sketch#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat bonnie#isat isabeau#isat spoilers#act 5 spoilers#siffrin#bonnie#isabeau#I love this scene#if you saw my “saves” post there's a save that's literally this sketch but bad#like I HAD the idea in mind but no power to sketch it#sketching 12+ Siffrins after going through 12+ saves is tough!#but I guess the way for me to get rid of burnout is actually actively sketching!#huh!!#over-imagined in my brain so much it burned out for a bit#it's 4 am now but my brain is no better than before#a bit empty and sad#anywayyyy
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the real reason tmagp is on break 'til april 11th is so sam can observe ramadan without being chased by a murderous clown blob
#tmagp#tmagp s1#tmagp spoilers#the Magnus protocol#if for some islam-related reason this joke doesn't work plz tell me - i was thinking. i would like to see some content#exploring/including sam possibly being muslim considering his name and VAs ethnicity#and what better way to support that than make it myself?#joos yaps#samama#samama khalid#tmagp sam#but i am v much an outsider so lmk if i missed something#tbf. i cannot think of any way this could be somehow misconstrued. but you dont know what you dont know!
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can’t help but think of how, if we choose to go by sirius’ characterisation as a private, arrogant teen who only lets a select few into his circle, sirius’ post-azkaban life just have been such an utterly humiliating experience for him.
especially OoTP. when he has all these near strangers in his childhood house, that he hated and loved and ran away from and couldn’t ever escape. if he spent his entire pre-azkaban existence building a cold and aloof persona, not letting people know what his home life had been like, then to have all of these people get a front row seat to it because of kreacher and portrait walburga’s shenanigans must have been near unbearable. to have the entire order, including snape whom he disliked and mistrusted, hear the kinds of names he’s being called.
not only does he have to deal with the retraumatisation of his childhood, but also the fact that he’s flayed open for everyone to see. it’s not only his freedom, innocence, dignity that has been snatched from him but his privacy also. it’s such a cruel thing to experience, on top of everything else.
to have literal children, his godson who he has been kept away from all this while, whom he presumably wants to be able to look up to him, to have him see into the deepest parts of his soul. to have to be so weak in front of him. not only is he subjected to such vileness but he also cannot do anything about it.
sirius has not had a moment of peace in all the time we knew him. it is indignity upon indignity that is heaped onto him. every other character has gotten a moment of respite but him. it fully breaks my heart.
#sirius black#i am in the mood to sob tonight clearly#i just#was reading a fic#where it recounted walburga ad kreacher’s screams and taunts#and it suddenly hit me how humiliating they are?#like#even if it’s an inanimate object and a house elf#to be called an embarrassment and shame of my flesh and filth#by the only remaining members of your family#and to have it be traced back to your family#to know that your mother was alive but did not care that u were in azkaban#and that everyone else knows it too now#to walk around in every corner of your childhood house and be able to see exactly how u grew up#no boundaries no limits#to have other people keep touching parts of your family with the audacity to throw them out#and move it around#to call your home names#i just. cannot imagine.#the level of helplessness he was operating with#is it really any wonder he was the way he was#hell. he was actually so much better than he should’ve been#lesser men would’ve been catatonic or going off on a rage fuelled warpath#it’s so embarrassing to have your parent even correct u in front of friends sometimes#and to hear all this abuse. shouted at you.#and not one person ever stands up for him#or shows him any empathy#i’m actually amazed that even after all these years i’m able to find new tragedies in sirius life#HAS THAT MAN NOT BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH#pen’s notes
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The quiet tragedy of shadow of the erdtree is playing through the DLC, encountering cross after cross along your journey and slowly coming to the haunting realisation that Miquella, the person you’ve been tailing throughout the entirety of the DLC, the creator of the Haligtree and protector of its denizens, the most fearsome and kind demigod of them all… Is long dead.
He’s not at the divine gates seeking godhood. Not really. The person known as Miquella is buried at the base of each and every cross in the land. Survived only by a few select ailing entities. St. Trina, slowly wilting at the bottom of the world, The Scadutree avatar who inherited his greatrune, and Miquella the Kind at the very peak of Enir-Ilim.
He not only abandoned his flesh, but went so far as to fracture his very soul. His doubts, his fear, his love. All abandoned in an attempt to fashion a perfect god. To right the wrongs of his mother and people and finally bring the world peace.
His flesh, his power, his birthright, his fate, his fear, his doubts, his love… after leaving all that behind, how much of what’s left is actually Miquella?
Miquella may have hurt many people in his quest for godhood, but he himself was never spared from that very same pain. He may have stripped Radahn and Mohg of their dignity and sense of self to fashion into the perfect consort, but he was just as willing to do the same to himself to fashion into the perfect god.
#elden ring#elden ring lore#miquella#shadow of the erdtree#marika#radahn#mohg#just kinda rambling today#the amount of times I muttered “oh miquella... you idiot.” throughout the dlc is crazy#he really did have the best intentions#he just wanted to make things better#to make the world a gentler place#but sacrificing himself like that was never the way to do it#He didn't have to atone for Marika's sins#and he didn't have to become a 'perfect god' and bring forth an age devoid of suffering#he just had to do better.#he just had to be kind#but the poor thing never realised how much value he would have had as a ruler#he never realised he was good enough just as himself.#The people of the lands between didn't need Miquella the God.#they just needed Miquella the Kind.
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Happy birthday to the most special girl in the universe!! Wanted to try something ambitious and ended up with the biggest comic I've done to date
#signalis#ariane yeong#elster#overestimating elsters ability to paint so ignore how it looks probably way better than she could have done ok?#myart#i have nothing cool to say here i am so tired. i baked a cake from scratch lol and that took so much out of me...#im old..#im like cycling(hah) thru three diff elster designs bear with me here#elster seems like the type of person to be really good at gifts..kinda feel like u gotta be when ur on the same ship for um like. 15 years
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chillin in the hot springs 🌱
+ a closeup
#ok so after drawing this i realized a major anatomical error that i compeltely overlooked and its bothering me so much that i cant unsee it#but i like how the drawing turned out so im not gonna change it#its bc if theyre both sitting down in the pool. there is no room for nemesis. but i hope you all can imagine that the pool is very deep and#they are actually standing#ok please imagine that for my sanity thank you#in my og sketch they were at the right edge of the pool and they would both have room to sit in this position but i moved them#cause i thought it would look better compositionally#and just didnt realize that the anatomy wouldnt make sense that way lmfao#anyway hope yall can still enjoy this melnem fanart#melnem#hades 2#hades ii#melinoe#nemesis#fanart#my artwork#illustration#i need these two to kiss kiss fall in love asap#oh my god also i love the little detail of their painted nails on their in game artwork#so cute#melinoe has green nails and nemesis has red nails#im love them
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hey do you guys like dedf1sh
#my art#splatoon#side order#acht mizuta#marina ida#splatoon paul#im not entirely a believer in the acht / paul sibling theory but i do think itd be funny as hell#like dude you forgot your brother man. what the fuck#although i guess it could still work it seems like octarian society is way fucked like maybe they didnt interact much to begin with#anyway. all my faves are my little fashion dolls#you guys like they/them tummy? you better
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