#but i know what the consequences are. i'll push it to a certain point but not past it

[seawitchkaraoke]

sooo loving the shift in women's gymnastics that with every olympics you get more and more adult women and less and less 16 year olds competing bc I always thought that ''you peak at 16-18 it's just how it works'' was bullshit. Still think that's also bullshit in sports like figure skating and such. If you take care of your body properly you can keep going through your twenties and into your thirties, if they peak at 16 it's bc their bodies got fucked up at way too young an age

[fangswbenefits]

Ao3 . Ko-fi

ASTARION

⤷ Book - Astarion comes across an interesting book and decides to share the knowledge with you. Quite literally.

⤷ The Arrangement (on-going series): masterlist

⤷ Lockpicking - You ask Astarion to teach you how to lockpick and things get... out of hand.

⤷ Pointy Ears - You accidentally find just how sensitive Astarion is when it comes to a certain part of his body…

⤷ Curiosity - Astarion wishes to satisfy his curiosity when it comes to breastfeeding... and comes up with a proposition that is mutually beneficial.

⤷ Oral Fixation - Astarion is quite sure you are going to drive him insane from how adorable and clueless you are when eating those juicy fruits around him... and he just has to do something about it.

⤷ Unexpected - Astarion has barely ever considered starting a family with you in the old-fashioned way, but an unexpected conversation might just trigger that urge.

⤷ Breathe - Astarion is more than eager to show you the perks of not breathing.

⤷ Questions - Your curiosity drives you to ask Astarion a very unexpected question, and he's more than happy to give you a proper reply.

⤷ Patience - You are too eager to ride Astarion, and he proposes a solution to your impatience. After all, experience is the best teacher and impatience its fiercest enemy.

⤷ Backfire - You should have known better than to make Astarion jealous, and now you are left to deal with the consequences.

⤷ Reading Session - Astarion walks in on you reading a rather suggestive book, and far be it from him to interrupt your learning process. 

⤷Trance - Astarion is having a hard time trancing, and you offer to help him out in more ways than one.

⤷ Fever - You're running a fever, and Astarion offers to cool you down… only to make things a whole lot worse.

⤷ Everything - You're used to staying still whenever Astarion feeds on you. This time, he wants you to feel everything.

⤷ Comfortable - Astarion walks in on you in a rather compromising situation. Naturally, he offers to help, but then you ask him to promise you something that he was not expecting…

(LINKS ARE CURRENTLY NOT WORKING - I'LL FIX THEM SOON 🙏)

MIGUEL O'HARA

✫ 18+:

⤷ Tension - Miguel walks in on you late at night doing something unexpected, which makes things really awkward afterwards…

⤷ For Science - There has been a rumour circulating in regards to Miguel’s venom. It has to be too far-fetched, right?

⤷ Intimacy - Lack of intimacy after childbirth can weigh a relationship down. Thankfully, Miguel always finds new ways to keep the spark alive.

⤷ Perfect Morning - Miguel’s definition of a perfect morning involves a comfortable bed and being buried deep inside you.

⤷ Comfort - Miguel has been having nightmares as of late and seeks a level of comfort only you can provide.

⤷ Breakfast in Bed - Miguel wakes you up to breakfast in bed.

⤷ Stress Relief - Peter B. Parker should know better than to swing by unannounced.

⤷ Sharing is Caring (I) - (II) - A mission has both Miguel and you sharing a room… what could possibly go wrong?

⤷ [COMPLETE] (0) Sweet Girl , (1) Frustration , (2) Suit Up , (3) Obsession , (4) Consequences , (5) Discovery , (6) Double-edged Sword , (7) Confession , (8) Devotion - Miguel’s desire for you has been taking a toll on him, and he really has no other option…

⤷ Second Intentions - You’ve been tense lately, and Miguel offers a massage. Quite thoughtful of him… except you know exactly why.

⤷ Tracking - You find out Miguel has been tracking something that concerns you… and him.

⤷ Gentle - Miguel shows you how gentle he can be during your pregnancy and how worthy you are of it.

⤷ Backfire - The math is simple: you make Miguel jealous + push him past his breaking point = hot rough sex. Too bad Miguel doesn’t do simple.

⤷ Side Effect - Miguel has been acting off lately and you find out why… the hard way.

⤷ Stubborn - As far as you’re concerned, you just want to stay in bed all day, admiring Miguel’s glorious chest.

✫ Fluff/Comedy/Comfort/Hurt/Angst/Misc:

⤷ Memories - You are ready to tell Miguel he is going to be a father… but he isn’t.

⤷ Revelations - Miguel asks you to keep a secret, so naturally everyone is about to find out.

⤷ Solution - Period cramps always leave you feeling miserable, so Miguel offers a solution.

⤷ Tiny Spider - Your daughter has a few questions, and you suspect Miguel might just open a portal to another dimension.

⤷ Another Chance - You go into labour and all you know is that you need Miguel more than ever.

⤷ Broken - You wonder if Miguel is broken beyond repair, because he surely believes that.

⤷ Family - Miguel is a natural when it comes to being a father.

⤷ A Series of Firsts - You and Miguel are ready to become parents and you must now go through a series of firsts together.

⤷ Appreciation - Miguel catches you staring at a very specific part of his body…

[byemambo]

4Minutes EP. 1 - My Takeaways

So after finagling with my VPN options, I managed to watch 4Minutes episode 1 shortly after episode 4 of This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans released. Given that I haven't read a singular novel/source material for any of the series I end up consuming: my analyses are not anything more than just pastime fun and pondering thoughts.

Title Sequence

When I first saw the title sequence along with the score: I immediately thought of WestWorld (which I haven't seen the show myself because I'm not great with intense themes surrounding it but my professor showed us the title sequence and I immediately fell in love with it). The score is dynamic and although the title sequence itself doesn't give too much away besides showcasing the two main characters in fragments, it sets the tone for how I'll be viewing the series moving forward: intense, dark tones, small pockets of joyous moments within the storyline (but won't be the main focus of the story itself), and following the lives of morally gray characters.

Camera Angles (Bird's Eye View)

For starters, I noticed a repetition in using a bird's eye view angle to introduce us to new environments and exposition. Whether it be Tyme's introduction after suffering out a possible fatal injury, Great's apartment away from home (which his family members allude to his absence majority of the time in visiting the home), Korn being transported to the "department" that earns the family company most of their revenue, to Tonkla's place of stay (is it Korn's place as well, who knows at this point in the story). However, the scene that stood out the most to me is the right image in the third row of Great descending from his apartment level down a spiral staircase rather than taking the elevator as usual, which hinted at Great's spiral of wrapping his mind around his experiences with sporadic short term time travel and why time is warping the way it is. What I find interesting and continue to ponder during this point of the exposition: why is Great experiencing these symptoms and when? Did he start experiencing them out of the blue, or did he suffer some sort of freak accident or injury prior to the hit (and almost potential run)? Even during the family dinner scene, Great's father even emphasized him having to clean up after his son's "messes," so him experiencing the consequences of past accidents is possible.

I also appreciate the usage of the bird's eye view to emphasize the size of the characters within the space/environment they occupy. That in some instances, they're a small part of the entire whole within the context that they reside in. Tyme running away from the killer who injured him and left him for dead, Great occupying his apartment alone, his only companion that is briefly introduced to the story is Title (which rip for him not getting that calculator for the exam), Great also occupying the elevator to reach the bottom level of his apartment building (which makes me wonder if there's a correlation between the physical levels he occupies and the levels of consciousness he has awareness of, maybe even having its own spin on Inception's take on dream levels now that I referred back to the series's trailer). Korn taking a boat ride to the company's place of organized crime/gambling that seems isolated from the rest of the world where the story takes place, Tonkla's lack of fulfillment and feelings of loneliness after Korn leaves the apartment to attend family dinner (which a lot of us are speculating a cheating or romantic betrayal story arc). The director and cinematographer does an amazing job with utilizing the space through framing and placing each character within the composition, which is intentional and pushes a continuation of how a certain environment shapes the interactions between characters within the environment.

The Number 4 and Time

We know how significant the number 4 will be throughout the entire series, but my question right now is how the gift (since I don't think it's a power that the holder can control willingly) works and its parameters. From the first time leap: Great's car clock read 12:39 just before entering the tunnel and meeting his doom. However, after hitting the woman and attempting a hit and run, it had been four minutes since the incident occurred, latching onto Great and forcing him back four minutes to redefine his fate and making different decisions.

This also happens when Great pays the woman a visit at the hospital the next day: spending four minutes between speaking with the nurse at the desk and attempting to leave the premise after running into Tyme and desiring no confrontation. Once his phone clock reads 13:14, we are transported four minutes back to speaking with the nurse again, this time Great peeking at Tyme's visitation with the patient in room 1 and still running into Tyme regardless. Rather than walking away, Great helps Tyme with his papers, which makes me wonder just how much of these occurrences are solely coincidental and which are repeating itself for Great to revert down a predestined path for the appropriate events to happen in sequence. If Great hadn't left the woman to die out from her injuries or slow down the time taken to aid her injuries, he would not cross paths with Tyme. Even after visiting the woman and attempting to leave the hospital without saying anything to Tyme, time leaps backwards and establishes a second chance for the first meeting to occur. I wonder until the next episode is released: is Great only acting out based on what he's been taught and has known for majority of his life and being met with another chance to act according to his own volition? Is this a matter of nature vs nurture? Is he going to realize that he's being given chances to make different decisions that he will be better off living with than if he were to act based on what he's always known despite not 100% aligning with them?

Family Dinner (Introduction to the Dynamics)

Great doesn't strike me to be someone who thinks like an inherent nepo baby (at least that's what I got from Korn's character introduction as well). Between the two brothers, Korn appeases his father's wishes that involve the state of the family company's successes and endeavors, whereas Great despises them, seemingly living a more "detached" life (while still having access to things like his luxury car) of going to university and focusing on graduating. Again, with the director's intentionality when framing the characters within the environment, we get another rendition of rich family, empty homelife that we all know and love. Even Great establishing the disconnect even further by physically sitting in opposition to his father by being on the opposite end of the dining table, he not only refuses to become one with the family by bowing down to the head of the household, he desires to be viewed as an equal to his own father and cause a rift between the family members.

Despite being unified by sharing the same color grading, we can see how Tyme's home environment is much more inviting, much more lively, much more loved. We can see this through not only his relationship with his grandmother, we can see this through how the home is decorated and cared for, and see how Tyme's priority in life is to become a surgeon and take care of his grandmother by repaying for all she has done for him for what seems like majority of his life. I'm curious to see how the relationship between Great and Tyme play out after being introduced to their temperaments: both having their own expressions of stubbornness, Great being more outward and Tyme being more subdued. However, both characters have shown their sillier sides that's dependent on the closeness of their relationship around those individuals, so I wonder how long it'll take before both characters take down their walls around one another.

Miscellaneous Thoughts

I absolutely adore Den already. I feel the stark contrast between Pol in KinnPorsche and Den in 4 Minutes, which makes me so excited to see what Job will bring to the story as a more relevant supporting character that we couldn't get enough of in KinnPorsche. His smile is gorgeous and just from the kabedon alone in the image below already lets me know that his character is about to be a hoot, and I'm ready for it. The look on Tyme's face is sending me, which makes me wonder where Tyme stands in terms of romantic experience as he's a focused medical professional with a clear goal that may stray him away from other priorities in life like his social needs.

But how much I adore Tyme's relationship with his grandmother. Nothing is more wholesome to me than a family man, but specifically for their elders. The contrast between Tyme's relationship with his family versus Great's will be an interesting juxtaposition for both characters to teach and learn from one another's upbringing that carried into their adult lives. We still don't know their backstories so early on in the series, but I can only speculate that Korn's mother is either deceased or no contact with the remaining family, which may put a strain on how Great and his mother fit within the family's dynamic, since wealth and status seem to be key players influencing the direction of the story. One main character having inherent access to wealth and status that can save him from all sorts of struggle and difficulty, whereas the other main character coming from a humble upbringing that places a lot of strain on his desire to earn a living well off enough to take care of him and his family. We will definitely see how these core values will create friction or shape the characters' outlook on life and the world in which they occupy.

[alicent-vi-britannia]

Why does Shirley have to die?

One of the most frequent comments I found while browsing when I entered this fandom and it bothered me greatly was that Shirley's death was useless, which reflected a lack of understanding of the series and the character of Shirley and her relationship with Lelouch and Suzaku. So today I'll explain what the effects of Shirley's murder were.

Broadly speaking, Shirley's murder serves as a catalyst between the first and second half of the second season. Likewise, Shirley's sad murder resonates with the main theme of the series and influences the narrative arcs of Lelouch and Suzaku.

1. Shirley's death was what pushed Lelouch to change his plans for the Geass Cult. Instead of controlling the orphans who had been turned into Geass users, Lelouch decided to destroy the Geass Cult by decimating the children and scientists who participated in the project by organizing a clandestine operation with the Black Knights.

1.1. This operation will later become one of the reasons why the Black Knights will betray Lelouch. It's information that is leaked to Asahina, a member of the Four Holy Swords, and reaches through him Tohdoh, who, together with Ohgi, were the ones who convinced the rest of the Black Knights that they were angry with Zero for abandoning them in the middle of the takeove of the Tokyo Settlement. So the massacre of the Geass Cult influenced the betrayal of Tohdoh, one of the pillars in the Order of the Black Knights and most loyal to their leader.

1.2. Additionally, the Black Knights' attack on the Geass Cult resulted in the death of V.V. and attracted the Emperor who took the code from V.V. and then attempted to initiate the Ragnarök Connection in episode 15, but C.C. prevented this by sealing her code and suppressing her memories. Something that will influence Lelouch's isolation. Also, in the massacre of the Geass Cult, Lelouch captured Cornelia, which will be important in the future.

2. Shirley's death was what pushed Suzaku over the edge and motivated him to coerce Kallen through refrain to get confirmation that Zero was behind her murder. About to do so, Suzaku realized that he was about to become completely corrupted and begins to rethink his beliefs and methods for the first time. It's because of this incident with Kallen that Suzaku is willing to reunite with Lelouch and team up with him, even if it means abandoning Britannia. But, well, Schneizel ambushes the two former friends and makes Lelouch believe that Suzaku betrayed him once again. Consequently, Lelouch is determined to kill Suzaku in revenge, but it turns out badly due to the cursed order he gave him long ago and which causes the total annihilation of the Tokyo Settlement, something that will mark a turning point in Suzaku's narrative arc and It will also affect Lelouch...

3. Shirley's death was a turning point in Lelouch and Rolo's relationship. It was a relationship in which love and hate were quite balanced, but, after this event, Lelouch leaned towards hate. I'll talk more about this point in my analysis of Rolo's motivations for killing Shirley, so that's all I'll say for now. I'll add that, if Mao made him realize that Geass can corrupt the user and Euphemia's death made Lelouch realize that Geass is an evil power, Shirley's death made Lelouch realize that Geass will condemn him to isolation (damn, Lelouch saw a lot of red flags and kept going; I don't know whether to call it idiocy or determination). At the same time, he realized how terrible the power of Geass is in the hands of a child and became terrified that all Geass users were like Rolo, which is why he thinks it is better to eradicate the Geass Cult and not control them.

4. Shirley's death is linked to the main theme of the series (will) and, in a certain way, influenced the epiphany that Lelouch will have in the final stretch of the series. Rolo didn't get into a vehicle, he drove to Shirley's house and got out to shoot her. No. Shirley was murdered, following her will. She abandoned the security force that was guarding her because she wanted to offer her help to Lelouch. To paraphrase Lelouch's words to Schneizel in the series' penultimate episode, people are actively seeking happiness, and for Shirley, her happiness was with Lelouch. Even though Lelouch erases her memory over and over again to protect her, Shirley will always do what her will dictates, and that includes falling in love with him again. Shirley's firm resolve, added to that of other characters, is what teaches Lelouch to value human beings' will and constant pursuit of happiness.

In short, Shirley's death is what leads to most of the events that occur in the second part of R2. Without that, the Zero Requiem doesn't even take place. For all this, it is ridiculous that the alternate universe continues with the same events as the canonical universe, but, well, nothing makes sense in the alternate universe (hence it is complete garbage and I'll maintain this statement until the last day of my existence.)

Having said that. If anyone still wants to be angry about Shirley's death, they have to change their focus on her. The point isn't that Shirley's murder adds nothing to the plot (we already saw that it isn't true); but this seems to show that Shirley is a "woman in refrigerator." This is a term coined by Gail Simone to refer to female characters who face disproportionate harm, which will serve as a plot device to motivate male characters. The term was used to talk about situations in Western comics, but can be extrapolated to other media. Is Shirley a "woman in refrigerator"? I would say yes, but I think that term should be applied when there are female characters who have great potential and the authors don't exploit it, but rather prefer to reduce them to a motivation for the current male hero. And Shirley is not Kallen (an action heroine and Knightmare pilot, whose talent and skill can change the flow of a battle), she is not C.C. (an Immortal Witch who knows all the secrets of Geass and is clandestinely working with our protagonist's worst enemy for her own interests), she is not Euphemia (a princess in the Holy Empire of Britannia who can challenge the status quo and change the system from the inside), she is not Nina (a prodigy in science, capable of creating a weapon of mass destruction). She's only Shirley. An innocent civilian trapped in a bloody war. She cannot contribute more than she can, so let's not ask for pears from the elm.

I really wanted to write this analysis! I just removed a thorn that was stuck. I feel better.

[solei-eclipse]

[ dry coughing ] hey

I'd like to introduce the ocs/concepts I previously mentioned! they were thought up mostly for fun (and HEAVILY inspired by a few things, try and take a guess) so I'm not sure if I'll spend as much time on them. who knows, maybe they'll grow on me.

they're super funny to me. i think i made them just to have a laugh. sorry. you'll see why soon!

anyway, this is Jiu and Kioku! They have a long history together (well, at least one of them thinks so).

Jiu ( jee - yu )

A very dutiful and serious person

Has a formal way of speech (he almost never speaks casually)

Carries himself with a regal air, behaves like a young noble

Incredibly melancholic

His eyes have a strange quality to them, almost as if he's looking far off into the distance or straight through certain people (even if they're standing right in front of him)

Often takes a leadership role, adept at managing and organization (class president/class rep type)

Very cold and distant despite taking on multiple responsibilities

Neutral in stance, polite but in the detached way

Willing to help his classmates with whatever is needed, but won't do more than what's absolutely necessary

Holds his duty and responsibility in high regard, always in service to someone or something

Used to have a gentle, caring, and protective nature, but was forced to snuff it out due to his cruel home environment and those who took advantage of his kindness

Under the ownership of a rich and illustrious segyein, the hostess of an establishment where human pets were put to work

Due to his exceptional mental abilities and sense of duty, he was promoted to a high position at a very young age. He handles accounting and is the hostess' right hand man

Because of his duty and devotion to service, he is made to carry out illegal and immoral acts in secret

Whenever he returns from the Anakt Garden, Jiu is immediately put to work

He is pale to the point of his veins showing and has a dull, steely gaze

Jiu sleeps face-down. There's no reason for it, he just does

Yes, it's suffocating. Someone has to turn him over in his sleep just to make sure he can breathe right. There was once someone who used to do it for him, but now nobody does

Kioku ( kee - oh - ku )

Prefers everyone to call her Kio !

She arrives to the Garden quite late due to certain health complications (according to her guardian)

Has a very open face and unguarded eyes, which may lower the guard of other people

It's genuinely a strange quality. Those who hold secrets or ill intent may feel uncomfortable looking into her eyes for long periods of time.

Kio herself almost never lies. She will tell the truth even if it brings about consequence

Very athletic! Excels in sports and ranks high during Field Days

Kind in a way that's incredibly stubborn. Wills herself to forgive those who have wronged her and regards them with gratitude despite everything

Very persistent, has a great amount of inner strength

As a child, Kio was weak, cowardly, and codependent. She entered an establishment at a young age in exchange for her safety, but since she refused to adjust herself to the environment (perform actions she deemed cruel) she was often picked on and treated unfairly

Since she was weak, she clung onto the first person who gave her the slightest bit of help and blindly trusted them

Currently so different from her child self. Those who knew her back then find the change incredibly jarring (almost like she's become a completely different person)

There is something off about her. She can't seem to recall anything about her past and feels like something has been taken from her in a way

The fact that she can't recall her childhood pushes her to live in the present, she'd prefer not to look back

She is still unaware of how she got the scar on her cheek

Together :

Jiu seems to regard Kio differently, almost cautiously

As Kio arrived to the Garden late, the responsibility of looking after her fell into Jiu's hands

He was in charge of getting her acquainted with routines, past lessons, etc.

Though Jiu is normally as imperturbable as a rock, there is a unique air of awkwardness to him whenever he interacts with Kio

He refuses to look her in the eyes

Kio, for her part, tries very hard to catch up and makes sure she isn't a burden to him

His odd treatment of her makes her conscious that he dislikes her, which pushes her to work harder

Jiu is the only person who refuses to address Kio by her nickame. He only calls her Kioku, or if he can help it, doesn't refer to her by name at all

Particularly observant individuals may notice how Jiu begins to lose composure. It's incredibly subtle, so it's not obvious to others

Kio has a strange feeling about him that she just can't put her finger on.... at times it makes her uneasy

Random tidbits:

Jiu ( ジウ ) : samurai, warrior, knight. or "to serve someone of high rank or status with respect and loyalty."

( emphasis on themes of service and devotion )

Kioku ( キオク ) : literally translates to memory.

( to remember, remembrance, recollection )

Jiu's sharp strands of hair that fade to white are meant to vaguely mimic a dragon's features (two sharp fangs on his forehead, two long whiskers on the sides of his head)

Kioku vaguely resembles a bird feather.

Her eyes are wide, round, and far apart. They not only emphasize her openness, but are also reminiscent of fish eyes (associated with empty-headedness, a certain lack of something + the concept of goldfishes with bad memory)

Kio's main emotion is curiosity

Jiu's main emotion is guilt

[mimisempai]

You are enough

Summary

Aziraphale wants to surprise his lover by bringing him his daily dose of coffee at the flower shop and is surprised to find the store closed. With Muriel's help, he learns more about the scars of Crowley's past and may be able to help him heal.

Notes

Our bookseller and our florist learn to know each other a little better...

On Ao3

Rating G -  1901 words

Aziraphale put on his jacket, hung the small "Closed" sign on his door, and left the bookshop to cross the street to Give Me Coffee Or Give Me Death. He had decided not to open, at least for the morning, and instead to supply a certain florist with caffeine.

With his hand on the door of the coffee shop, he stopped and noticed that the flower shop was not open. There was no stall of fresh plants and flowers, and there seemed to be no movement inside.

Instinctively, he shot a questioning look at Nina through the window, pointing to the flower shop, but Nina shook her head and shrugged.

Aziraphale walked up to the shop and saw a small sign on the door, "Closed for today."

Surprise turned to slight concern, as his lover hadn't mentioned it at all, even though they'd spent the evening together the day before. Aziraphale dared to knock lightly on the door.

"He's not in."

He looked up in the direction of the voice and saw Muriel leaning out of the window as they added, "I'll be right down."

A few seconds later, Crowley's adopted sibling had opened the door and invited the bookseller into the shop.

Aziraphale, now genuinely concerned, immediately asked, "Is he all right? Where is he?"

Muriel put a hand on his arm and said quietly, "Calm down. I'll answer your questions right away, but first I need to explain something to you."

Aziraphale nodded and Muriel continued, "I know Crowley told you about his childhood and his history. The major lasting consequence for him is not the fear of abandonment, although that is one - I speak from experience - no, the major lasting consequence for him is the feeling of inadequacy. I'm not going to go into the details of how he was abandoned, because that's his story to tell, but you should know that this is his deepest wound. And when that scar opens up, he's in what we refer to as one of his bad days. He isolates himself and usually doesn't talk to anybody. Not even me."

Aziraphale, very sad for Crowley, asked them, "And is there any way I can support him, anything I can do?"

Muriel gave him a long, silent look before replying, "Maybe it will be different with you, so I'll tell you where I think he is. For as long as I can remember, don't ask me why, that's for him to tell, Crowley has found solace in ducks."

She couldn't help smiling at the stunned look on the bookseller's face and added, "You heard me, Crowley has a passion for ducks. He's inexhaustible on the subject. But I digress. I was saying that he finds solace in them, and that's probably why he's in Saint James Park. There's a particular spot not far from the pond with a bench near the Blue Bridge, and that's usually where you'll find him."

Aziraphale nodded and said eagerly, "I'll go there."

Muriel held him back and said gently, "We haven't really had time to talk since you and Crowley... well, you know what I mean. But I wanted to tell you..."

Aziraphale interrupted, "I promise I won't hurt him."

Muriel shook their head and replied, "Oh, that? I'm sure of that, right from the start. I was going to say, don't let him push you away. Be patient."

Aziraphale nodded and said softly, "I promise," then turned to leave when they stopped him by tugging at his sleeve and the next second held him close and said in a whisper, "Thank you."

Aziraphale, unaccustomed to this kind of display of affection, patted Muriel awkwardly on the back, then Muriel stepped back and chuckled slightly before saying, "You and Crowley really are alike.

Just under half an hour later, Aziraphale arrived at Saint James Park, and thanks to Muriel's directions, it didn't take him long to find the spot in question, pleased to see that they had been right.

Crowley was indeed sitting on the bench across from the pond, and unfortunately, even from a distance, Aziraphale could see that it was indeed a bad day.

He continued on his way and sat down next to the florist without saying anything.

Crowley immediately whispered, "Aziraphale, I know it was Muriel who told you where to find me, but I'm sure they also told you that I want to be alone."

Aziraphale nodded and replied quietly, "I know they told me, but I won't say anything and I won't make a sound, so it's like you're alone."

Then he leaned back comfortably and looked straight ahead without saying anything more. 

After a few seconds of silence, Crowley huffed and muttered, "Suit yourself..."

Aziraphale watched the people pass by, saying nothing, not moving, when suddenly Crowley muttered, "Don't give them bread, you idiot. Ducks shouldn't eat bread."

Then he stood up, and Aziraphale saw him walk over to a man at the water's edge who seemed to be throwing breadcrumbs to the ducks swarming around. Amused, he watched as Crowley scolded the poor man, showing him a small bag in his hand. The other man walked away with an exasperated look under Crowley's murderous gaze. Then Aziraphale saw the florist turn toward the water, crouch down, and start throwing things at the ducks, but he couldn't tell what it was from where he sat.

After a few moments, Crowley returned and sat down on the bench again, this time a little closer to Aziraphale, who still said nothing and waited patiently.

Suddenly, he felt Crowley's hand on his, resting between them on the bench. Aziraphale still said nothing, simply returning his hand under Crowley's, whose fingers were almost desperately intertwined with his own.

"I told you I lived in an orphanage, but what I didn't tell you was how I got there. I warn you, it's worthy of Dickens." He gave a self-deprecating chuckle and continued, "I was purely and simply dumped at the gates of the orphanage on what seemed like the day I was born. With only a chain bracelet on my wrist, engraved with Anthony's name."

"Is your name Anthony?"

"Yes, but since that's the name my parents who abandoned me gave me, I don't like to wear it."

Aziraphale frowned and asked, "Then why Crowley?"

Crowley replied, "It was the name of the gardener who took me under his wing, and since he was the closest thing I had to a father, I chose that name, which in fact became my given name. Only Muriel sometimes calls me Anthony to tease me or when they're angry."

Crowley sighed and continued, "Anyway, the reason I'm here today is because sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder why. What did I or didn't I have that made my parents decide to leave me. Why did they do that? Why did my mother decide to bring me into the world and just abandon me without giving me a chance to show her who I could be? Wasn't I enough as a baby, as a son?"

Aziraphale squeezed Crowley's hand in his, inwardly devastated for him, for his pain, and replied softly, "Of course you were. Of course you are. There was and is nothing wrong with you. Believe me, I know a thing or two about feeling inadequate when it comes to my family. Aside from my mother, the rest of my family, including my father, made it clear that I would never be enough. And then I left and realized that the problem wasn't me. I don't have to prove anything. You don't have to prove anything. I'm sure if I ask Muriel, they'll go on and on about why they love you as much as I l-"

Aziraphale paused, aware of what he had almost confessed. Not that he wasn't absolutely sure of the nature of his feelings for the florist, but now was not the time for such a confession as he was trying to comfort him.

Which didn't stop him from seeing in Crowley's eyes that the florist hadn't missed his almost slip of the tongue.

Aziraphale coughed, then continued, "I have no doubt that this wound will never go away, but when the scar opens, think of the people you have around you now who love and appreciate you for what you are, for who you are."

He squeezed Crowley's hand a little tighter in his own, giving the florist time to think about his words.

After a few minutes, Crowley nodded and turned to him, asking with a small smile on his lips, "Are you an angel?"

Aziraphale could not suppress a small laugh before replying, "I can assure you, no, I am not."

Crowley insisted, "But you work miracles, because for the first time in a long time, I don't feel like moping around all day."

Aziraphale said gently, "It's not a miracle, but I'm very happy for you. How about brunch at the Ritz to celebrate?"

"The Ritz?! Wait, don't tell me this has something to do with your... rich family?"

Aziraphale shook his head and replied in a proud little tone, "Well, no, to the boss I'm just Mr. Fell, bookseller, and incidentally he's the only person I agreed to sell two books to, so in payment, instead of the outrageous sum he offered me, I asked him for a table for life at the Ritz."

Crowley first made round eyes, then burst out laughing, much to the delight of Aziraphale, who considered it another small victory.

"Shall we go to the Ritz?"

Aziraphale replied, "Only if you're driving. I came by taxi."

Crowley stood and exclaimed, "Deal."

Still holding Aziraphale's hand, he started to move forward when Aziraphale stopped him, "Wait, I want to know something. What did you feed the ducks?"

Crowley proudly pulled the bag from his pocket and shook it in front of Aziraphale, who saw small green grains dancing inside.

"This is what you feed the ducks. Frozen peas. They love it, and it's good for them."

Aziraphale couldn't resist and, standing on tiptoe, he planted a light kiss on the lips of the florist, who, as they walked away, asked, "What was that for?"

Aziraphale casually replied, "Because you're so sweet!"

"Aziraphale!"

Only a chuckle came back to Crowley as they walked toward the Bentley.

**********

Aziraphale moaned as he closed his eyes around the last spoonful of chocolate cake before exclaiming, "Scrumptious!"

When he opened his eyes, he saw Crowley, chin resting on his hand, watching him with a small smile on his lips.

"What's the matter? Do I have something on my face?"

Crowley shook his head and, without breaking his smile, said softly, "I think I found something as comforting as feeding the ducks."

Aziraphale asked in a confused tone, "What?" 

"Watching you eat. You enjoy it so much, it's fascinating."

Aziraphale wiped his mouth, unable to hide the slight blush in his cheeks at Crowley's compliment, and the florist then took his hand, pressing a lingering kiss to the palm before saying softly, "Thank you...angel."

Blushing even more, Aziraphale replied, "You're welcome."

As they gazed at each other in silence, ducks and desserts were forgotten, and all that remained was the fragile feeling that passed between them at that moment.

It didn't have a name yet, but it was there, and that was all that mattered.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

The florist and the booksellers series : here

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here

[stellaris-archivum]

pride (and the excess thereof)

detained chapter 4 update here!

very amazing art by @domiiiq312!! (⁠●⁠♡⁠∀⁠♡⁠)

Chapter Preview:

"Are you going to work yourself until the verge of collapse again?" He said with a certain conviction in his voice. "I absolutely don't want Detective Novikov to condescendingly yell at me because I let you push yourself too much. It's only been the first day since this case has been assigned to you. Calm the fuck down. Not everyday you get to serve the justice the victims deserve. You don't have to gather all the possible information that you could on the first day. There’s a tomorrow coming, [Y/N], stop working as if you’ll die today. Now, we're technically off duty so we're not co-workers right now. You're not the primary at the moment. I'm the older than you, and you'll do as I say." 

He kept his cold, piercing gaze at her, his demeanor becoming more and more similar to that of Deadeye's—cold, calculating, and cunning. But it was that Deadeye that she asked him to sit down for a while and talk for a minute.

It was that Deadeye. The Deadeye who seemed engulfed with whatever was going on in his head, was serious and was a huge contrast to who he was now. It almost felt like a splash of cold water had been thrown at her face. What has gotten into him, bringing our past conversation into this? She blinked, feeling her throat run dry as the heavy silence hung between them. His eyes were still pointed at her, and she could only sigh. "Okay. Fine. I'll chill out."

Chamber nodded, letting out a few deep breaths to calm himself down. As the silence hung and the tension thickened, the gravity of Sasha's words earlier was starting to weigh on him—You are one cruel man, Vincent. Maybe he was a little cruel, but who was he to know that his actions would affect others indirectly? Who knew that letting her chase him for those 4 or 5 years would have consequences?

He knew that. He just chose to ignore it. The poor woman had to work nonstop to find and track him down above her other cases, and in a way, he felt bad. So now, he would change that by not letting her get too caught up with the case.

Vincent let out a final sigh, and having calmed down, he jammed his keys into the ignition, and the car started humming to life. The radio was off, the engine revved gently, and none of them said a word as Chamber joined the road traffic as he silently drove off.Meanwhile, [Y/N] felt really uneasy. It was then that she realized that maybe he might only be putting up with her. He wasn’t asking her to stop and rest out of concern—he was asking her because he didn’t want to be lectured by Sasha. It’s obvious that, as enemies, Chamber probably still held a grudge against her for almost foiling his undercover mission a handful of times; it would be really weird and out of character if he suddenly cared about her. Hell, he might as well not give a damn if she collapses if it weren’t for Sasha, but her thoughts didn't align with his actions earlier. Why was he so worked up into scolding her? Did Sasha say something to him? Wasn't it just convenient that her newfound power wasn't coming to her aid right now? She continued to ponder over his actions, digging deeper and deeper into her subconscious.

[nihilnovisubsole]

the writer interview game

tagged by no one, but i saw @arthoure doing it, so that's as good an excuse as any

when did you start writing?

when didn't i?

are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

i mainly read nonfiction, because i'm always getting myself into some mess where i have a cool idea that i can't execute properly without research. i just finished mary beard's twelve caesars, which is about how roman emperors have become the blueprint for how the west depicts power in art. you know, AK-brand stuff.

if i'm reading fiction and i like the genre, i always want to write it myself at some point. reading and writing are kind of an audience-participation thing for me. i'd love to do more spy stories, or something like elizabeth peters' egypt mysteries, or some sea-soaked victorian intrigue. it's all a love letter to something i read or watched or played.

is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

i'm alone in the middle of the ocean in the splintered fishing boat of third-person objective that hemingway left behind, and that's where i'll stay. nobody's been wild enough to actually compare me to him, because i'm not one-fiftieth as skilled, but i'll always wish i were. in brief, he gets to the point. he tells you what happened, because his stories are about humans doing things that result in consequences, which is basically, to my mind, how the world works. i simply believe that if i'm not able to convey how a character feels without dipping into internal POV, i'm not doing a good enough job. movies only have a script and music and visuals and the body language of the actors, and they pull it off all the time.

i mean, okay, i'm being dramatic. i don't hate internal POV. use it! be excellent at it! i want to see how far i can get without it. let me do my one-armed push-ups here.

can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

it's my white wood childhood desk in my tiny bedroom with my 11-year-old desktop on it. very romantic, i know. my work-from-home machine is in the dining room. i fantasize about having one of those book-lined studies one day, but i have to be able to afford a house in the place where i want to live first!

what’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

i've been telling the same old joke about my method for years: "i don't have a muse, i have a hundred sooty workers in a coal mine." writing for money as an adult has not given me the luxury of waiting until i get inspired or feel like doing it. inspiration is one percent. the other 99 is knuckle-down discipline. anything i've ever finished, i only finished because i grit my teeth through it.

for work writing, it's easy. "they're paying you for the privilege of contributing to this project." for personal writing, it's more existential. "what will you have to show for yourself?"

are there any recurring themes in your writing? do they surprise you?

here's another, fresher joke that i told a teammate yesterday: my method for creating characters is to take some deep, personal neurosis or question, then give it a hairstyle and outfit. make of that what you will!

what is your reason for writing?

when it comes down to it, i just think it'd be a shame if i didn't. i'll be 32 next month. i have probably 27 years of ideas kicking around, and i would be disappointed if all of them died with me. in that respect, it's really childlike. i want to be heard. if somebody hears my voice through my writing, i'm less lonely. i feel connected to them.

i wish i could tell deep truths about humankind, but maybe that'll come later. it'll have to come later if i want my work to mean anything, right?

what do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

i don't know! if nothing else, i have a lot of fun carving out characters with fully-formed, distinct identities. of course they have things in common, because my taste leads me to certain places, but i want them to stand apart from each other. they should have their own discrete atmospheres and themes.

how do you feel about your own writing?

no time to dwell on that. if i start thinking about whether i'm good or bad, i'll get too self-conscious to continue, and what am i gonna do? not write? back to it!!

also if you see this ur tagged, sorry i don't make the rules

[tenaciousduckpoetry]

Partners

You need a break and Gwen is determined on making you see that.

Warning: mentions of fainting, tingling sensations, slight angst, school just sucks tbh, tooth rotting fluff at the end <3 this was a request that I put off for way to long 😭

"You need to stop at some point." Gwen's voice rang through your ears.

The conversation you had gone through days before had stuck with you, a constant sense of dread at the thought of it jinxing you. School had started just a few weeks ago and you had already decided to take extra credit classes, working harder to achieve the grades that you had missed by a few marks the last term. You knew the consequences of your actions; the insomnia that would follow. Yet, you didn't think it would be this bad.

This was your third sleepless night. You had layed in bed, tossing and turning until ultimately giving up on any slither of hope you had about sleeping. Instead, you turned to your phone and decided to watch the latest binge worthy show until dawn rolled around.

Your alarm rang yet you were still awake, dark circles under your eyes that gave away just how you felt. Your head was pounding and your eyes itched with how dry they were. You didn't bother with breakfast and just got dressed in your uniform, wanting nothing more than to get the day over and done with. Besides, all you had were a few classes (one of them being AP chemistry which held a certain dreaded spot in your heart) which would be easy enough to get through... Or so you thought.

You had barely made it to your first class without tripping over at least twice. Your legs felt weird... to say the least. There was a dull throb in your ankles and a slight tingling in your feet. You could barely hear Gwen calling out to you from behind you. An echoing ring filled your ears, one that didn't sound like the school bell at all. Your arms grew heavy. Whatever books you were holding clattered against the floor. It wasn't long until you were beginning to find that the floor was coming closer.. or maybe you were falling down. It was hard to register, eyes fluttering shut in a matter of seconds. Yet you never touched the floor.

Gentle arms wrapped around you, catching you just before you completely hit the floor. Gwen's eyes had widened and she attempted to swallow back all thoughts of worry. "I knew it.." she muttered. There was a tingle that ran down her spine just moments before you fainted, a tell tale sign that something wasn't right, but it wasn't the only reason she knew. As she scooped you up, pushing your books into the corner of the generally empty hallway to retrieve them later, she thought back to your previous conversation just days prior.

Gwen spoke your name softly. "You're pushing yourself too much.. school has only just started." Her words came off a little more rough than she'd liked. The way you rolled your eyes rung through her memory. You flattened your hair, turning back to look at her. "I'll be fine. I have to anyway." You weren't wrong. You thought you would have been fine, but you must have forgotten just how your mental and physical health was affected when you piled school on top of your home life. The blonde only shook her head. "You know what happened last semester..." She sighed.

It seemed to be at least an hour of slipping in and out of consciousness before you came to. Your head was throbbing, but your legs didn't tingle anymore and your arms didn't feel as heavy. The room blurred for a moment before your eyes fixed on one particular thing.

Gwen was sitting next to you. She had stayed there throughout her last class just to make sure you were okay. You could tell by the way she anxiously bounced her foot and fiddled with the anxiety ring you had bought her last Christmas. Her gaze softened at the sight of your less ghost like paleness. You swallowed hard. "I know.. I should have listened to you.." you said with sincerity, brows furrowing.

"I'm not mad at you." Was the first thing Gwen said to you, reaching for the water that rested on the small table beside the bed you were laying on. It took you a moment to realise you were in the nurse's office. She held the bottle out towards you. It was her own, covered in colourful wrist bands from music festivals and concerts. "I wished you listened to me. You know you can't take on that much.." she said softly, no matter how ironic it was.

"I do know." You sighed.

"I'm here to help you. That's what partners are for." Gwen swept a stray peice of hair from your face. "Drink up okay? Then we can truly talk."

The corner of your lips turned up in a sweet smile. "Thank you, Gwen." You spoke, taking a small sip of the cold water. You felt more like yourself than you had in a while.

"It's my pleasure.." Gwen smiled, speaking under her breath.

[putyourreddresson]

Hi ! Could you share with us a bit more of the vulnerability of a magnifying glass please 🙏

hi!!!!!!! it will be my pleasure <3

the vulnerability of a magnifying glass is a story told in four podiums and one summer; a little 4+1 experiment. it's a birthday gift to a very dear friend of mine who was so trusting and kind to let me take the reigns on this one (and who i hope won't stumble upon this here). it's currently at around 11k and if it turns out the way i want it to, will probably amount to 15k.

the premise is pretty simple; the progression of maxcharles' relationship through their austria podiums, from 2019 all the way to 2022, and one fateful summer where the unsaid and unresolved things come to light. i think austria is a great catalyst for certain realisations to take place and especially since it's such a staple in the maxcharles lore. the first part is an argument that follows the battle in 2019 and during which some things are said that linger even years later. 2020 is this weird liminal stage, hesitant and swollen; max looking at charles from the crowd but turning away. 2021 is max on the podium, thinking about the weight of a championship fight and whether it could feel different if he shares it with charles. 2022 is a life-line and a life-sentence and the first time the pov splits between max and charles. then the summer comes and it's all very whimsical and self-indulgent, but with an underlying thread of tension and hesitance that threatens to snap. the warm air softens their resolve and they – surprise, surprise – communicate properly without only relying on their innate understanding of each other.

this is already too long (I'M SORRY!!) so i'll contain the snippets to the three main time periods <3

2019

"Disgustingly entitled?” Charles finally laughs, jaw hinged on somewhere between sinister glee and disbelief. “You have everyone eating from the palm of your hand, tripping over themselves to adhere to your every whim.” The mirthless laugh drops from his face like a stone into a river. “Don’t ever try to talk to me about entitlement.”

“Fucking hell,” says Max, wide-eyed surprise and bubbling frustration sitting twistedly on his face. “You’re so delusional it actually hurts to watch. You aren’t even aware of how much everyone handles you with kid gloves, like you’d wither if you meet the consequences of your actions. And now that shit went wrong, now that you,” Max dares to point a finger right at Charles’ sternum, “fucked up and lost the win, you lash out like a wounded animal.”

"You have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about,” Charles snarls through his teeth, pushing Max away by the shoulder. “I’ve always taken accountability for all the shit I’ve done. It’s you who are allergic to accountability, it’s you who can do no wrong, where every single person should’ve driven better, gotten out of your way like you’re the only person on the fucking track deserving to be there!”

2022

He loves battling with Charles. The hunger will always be there, making them push and prod and smudge the lines in an act of divine retribution. But where Austria and Silverstone before felt a bit too jagged around the edges, the bite down to the bone, now it feels like they are fighting for something more than they are fighting each other. They waltz into violence, pirouette into a pas de deux choreographed around the topography of their halcyon days. This trust that accompanies all of that is apparently something that doesn’t hinge on amicability, on closeness – it pulses despite the lack of sustenance.

Charles meets Max’s gaze and the latter is taken aback when he looks into green eyes and sees a mirror. The problem is, he doesn’t know if they reflect off of each other or if Charles is reflecting back only what Max wants to see.

summer

Moments like these, the comfortable atmosphere and the familiar banter, make Max almost forget the things swept under the carpet. Make him almost forget the words that catch in their throats and get expelled only as a silent breath, staining the thinning air with peach juice and efflorescence.

thank you for asking <3

[just-bible-musings]

It's always one extreme or the other in this world, ain't it? On the one hand, you've got the Christians who, for all appearances, seem to bait liberals into arguments just for the fun of arguing. And on the other hand, you've got the Christians who preach the Love Gospel and attend pride parades allow just anybody to have positions in their churches.

I've mentioned before (and on some of my other blogs) that I don't believe that Christians should be attacking gays, picking fights with them, calling them names and making jokes, etc. But I abhor those who condone them and support them.

What sparked this post? An interview on a Christian music radio station earlier this week with somebody talking about Gen Z and how fluid they are in everything, how they think everything can and should be changed. This guy (I don't remember his name, but I guess he was some well-respected Christian writer or some such thing) didn't specifically suggest allowing gays to have positions in church, but he did suggest that the kind and loving thing to do is to allow Gen Z to serve in the churches in official positions, despite their beliefs on fluidity.

I'm sorry, but I cannot agree with this line of thinking. There are certain things in the Bible that God specifically calls a sin, and rebellion against the gender He made you to be is one of them, whether you're gay, or trans, or bi, or whatever. "...male and female created he them" (Genesis 1:27).

I believe I have said this before, and if I haven't, I'm saying it now: following Christ is NOT about "being good"! It's about being what God made you to be.

Look, I know people don't want to believe this. We all- myself, included- want to believe we have control over our own lives. We do not! God created us! He is omniscient, He knows where the world is going, He knows what is going to happen, and we don't. And He created each of us with specific skills and abilities (and weaknesses) that will allow us to cope with the world and with the events that will happen in our lives. And some of those skills and abilities go along with our gender.

I could go off on a whole bunch of tangents on this, but right now, I just want to make this clear: God says that your gender and your sexuality are not up for debate.

Sin is not just what you do, it's a mindset in which you believe that you know better than God. Satan, at some point, convinced a gay/trans person that they should be a different gender than what they are, and they believed him. Believing a lie about who and what you are and the purpose for which God made you- that is the very definition of sin. Anything that steers you away from what God made you to do, that is sin.

Going back to my original topic about Christians condoning homosexuality and allowing them to work in the church:

First of all, I am NOT saying gays shouldn't be allowed in church, as in, attending church. Never, ever, EVER do anything to convince someone they are not allowed to draw closer to God. There are severe consequences for those who try to push people away from God (Luke 17:2).

HOWEVER, there are limits to what people should be allowed to do in church. Many of the epistles, especially Paul's letters to Timothy and Titus, had guidelines for deacons and pastors, and I believe similar guidelines should be applied to anyone serving in the church, whether they be nursery workers, kitchen staff, or the person who scrubs behind the toilets. The church is God's house. Serving in the church, in any capacity, is serving God. If you are not serving God in every area of your life- or at least trying to as best as you understand- then you should not be serving in His house.

I'll give you an example, one that does not involve anyone identifying as LGBTQ. When I was looking for a church after I came to Jesus, one of the first ones I tried was very small and very legalistic. At the time, I didn't fully understand legalism, I just thought they were trying their hardest to follow the Bible. Yet they had a member of the church, a married man, who was known for touching women inappropriately. Like, the whole town knew about it and warned people to stay away from that guy (or from the whole church). The pastor and his wife kept saying that they talked to him about it. But the last I knew, that guy was still there. I only went to the church a few times before I decided I couldn't handle their hypocrisy and I left. Oh, and did I mention that the creepy old guy also had quite a bit of money? Yeah. It was one of those churches.

Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish. Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Matthew 18:14-17

This is Jesus' commandment on dealing with people who willfully sin and refuse to stop. 1 Corinthians 5 goes into further detail on how to deal with willful, deliberate sin within the church.

This, btw, only applies to the church. 1 Corinthians 5:11 says not to eat with fornicators (sex outside of marriage, and since God's rules for marriage are specifically one man and one woman, this includes homosexuality), extortioners, or idolators. The rest of the chapter lists other traits to avoid. But remember that Jesus ate with sinners. So what makes the difference?

The difference is that God called His people to be separate and holy. We are to love the people, but not to join ourselves to them. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14) We have to interact with people from all walks of life- not only as part of daily living, but also to witness and testify to them about Christ. Be we are not to be a part of them, or them a part of us. If someone is know to be willfully living in sin- whether they are gay, drunkards, creepy perverts, or shoplifters- we are not to call them our brothers and sisters. The entire church is unified through the Holy Spirit, and God cannot unify Himself with sin.

People always want to talk about how loving Jesus was, but everyone forgets about this part:

And he taught, saying unto them, Is it not written, My house shall be called of all nations the house of prayer? but ye have made it a den of thieves. Mark 11:17

And when we allow people into our churches who are willfully sinning against God, we are the ones turning His house into a den of thieves.

[springcatalyst]

BELOVED, DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKED UP SIDE CHARACTERS THAT HAVE INDESCRIBABLE EFFECTS OF THE LIVES OF YOUR MAIN CHARACTERS??????????

oh babey you KNOW i do!!!!!

Sumaya is an old friend of Milo's that he'd known for quite literally forever. They grew up together, and while Sumaya had a twin, Milo did not (most fauns are born in twos), so he was always like an honorary triplet of theirs- both of them, but especially her. Wherever she was, chances were he was close behind. Eventually, though, because everything has to have an 'eventually,' something changes. It shifts the way they understand each other and in the aftereffects, promises are broken. That shift starts to seep out to other places and people and it scares him- with the threat of a consequence he does not deserve (though for a long while he believes them), he leaves.

But their friendship never really faltered, they didn't have a falling out they didn't even have a disagreement- things just... changed. Both were uncertain of what it would mean or what it even should mean. They are both missing something in the absence of the other, and both feel like they did something wrong in the way they left things. Sumaya is nostalgia personified to Milo, but she's also regret. Anybody else would blame her and they wouldn't be wrong, persay, but he can't. Her memory is bittersweet.

Diana is something similar to Julian, but they never really fractured (that, or they were fractured to begin with). They were never as close as Milo and Sumaya, by nature of the kinds of people they are, but they understood each other because they were in much the same circumstance. Their reasons were different but the end result was the same. She actually comes back later (ehehe) so she's more of a main character than others, but she's evidence of something that doesn't quite fit as it 'should' early in his arc. Then later she's a bit of meshing of past and present that he didn't want, but can't turn away. She's dangerous: not to him, but to the image he's built, to the idea of him. She knows too much. Even then, she doesn't know anything because he confides in her, she knows because she was there. For someone who runs on secrets and lies, that knowledge unsteadies him.

Ciara and Naomi are two very different people but they are both Julian's sisters so I'll group them together. They both serve as comparison and motivation (theoretically), and they're both factors in something that sours. Ciara is younger than him by about two years, she's pushy and curious and impatient and driven- she's very sweet but she's also very stubborn (all the Kil family are)- and that causes problems when Julian stands in her way. After a certain point, the choices he makes, or rather, the ones he doesn't, affect more lives than just his own. He lingers and postpones and because of the way things work here, that places Ciara on hold. She gets impatient, then frustrated, then angry as years pass. She pushes him, and it would be misleading to say she makes things happen, but she definitely plays a role.

Naomi is older than him by about a year and because of this doesn't drive him 'forward' (depending on what you think forward should look like) in the same way Ciara does, but she is involved. Naomi is quieter than Ciara, she's respectable and responsible, (and has a little bit of eldest daughter syndrome) and she generally stays in her lane to a T. That means, though, that even if she sees something that may need intervention, she will look the other way, because it's harder to get involved, easier to just let it sort itself out. Which means, naturally, that when this years-long problem arises with Julian and Ciara and a thousand other things, she takes the path of least resistance, which means convincing Julian to just essentially do what Ciara wants. Or trying to, because it doesn't work. She does something that's not quite mediating but isn't quite picking a side, either. I'm getting off topic now but she serves as an example, as an ideal, that he is not and couldn't be and doesn't want to be, but that he should be, nonetheless. She is "wouldn't it be easier?" She's "just do what you're supposed to" personified. But also, notably, she is the one person (other than Diana but, she's different) that he sees again after he leaves. It's completely chance and she doesn't recognize him (years have passed, he looks and acts completely different, she never thought she'd see him again, transgener, etc), but he gets something as close to closure as he's ever going to get by exchanging a few words with her. He does the closest thing to forgiveness that he is capable of, with her.

And Liliana has her (late) captain. Who also happens to be her father. Who also happens to not be named yet, so he's gonna be Captain Hart for now. He is belonging and family in a way that she lacks elsewhere, by nature of being a sailor and by nature of being a satyr. She looks up to him, emulates him when she can. And then he's taken from her, and right along with him, everything she wanted to be. She chases that for FUCKING ever, of course, and that itself is enough to, yaknow, irrevocably alter her, but there's something in that way that she warps in his absence. In her quest for revenge she bends the rules of who he was and who she wants to be in order to reach her goal, which means that if she were to look back, she would be less like him than she wanted. She is more isolated than he was trying to build for her, she is more deadly than he ever was, and she is less free- she doesn't sail to explore, anymore, she sails to Complete. To find and to hunt. She knows this, really. She knows that she is no longer a person he would recognize, but she can't even allow herself to acknowledge that. Everything fades away beneath that fury.

I guess I'll do one more because it's similar to above: Reiji's mother (also unnamed) does things to my brain. Her place in his life is also characterized by what the loss of it means. I've talked about her a little before but she is safety and defense, home and consistency, and then suddenly all of that is nowhere to be found. She is not dead, he doesn't mourn her like Liliana does her father, but he misses her indescribably. The loss of his flock is what really begins that pervading longing, that search for something more that he never finds. He's trying to get back a piece of what he had in them (she's just a good single person to put this on, but it's really the whole group). But also she specifically formed how he walks in the world, just by nature of being the one who primarily raised him. She's so incredibly romantic, she lives in fairy tale- good and bad. She somehow instilled in him both a deep distrust of people, as well as on omnipresent love for them, a need for them. His perspective is very black-and-white. You're good or you're not, you're friend or you're foe, you live or you die, you run or you fall. Nothing is in between, to him. It works in a pinch, but ultimately this way of thinking runs him into more uncertainty when all he is looking for is home.

[youlooklikeabeeandilikebees]

songs that make me think of being human characters (because yes this show creeps into absolutely anything else I enjoy)

World in My Eyes by Depeche Mode - Mitchell

Ok first of all Dave Gahan in the 90s really reminds me of Aidan Turner so there's that as something more obvious. But I always picture Mitchell singing this to Josie. The lyrics of "Let me show you the world in my eyes" reminds me of Mitchell bringing human women into his world, letting them get to know the real vampiric him, and letting them help him. For decades, Josie saw the world in Mitchell's eyes while Mitchell for seemingly the first time since becoming a vampire saw the world as a human once again.

Also the song is quite clearly about sex (even as an asexual I can see that) and we've seen multiple times how sex is associated with blood for Mitchell. He bites Lauren in 1x01 during sex and then feeding becomes intertwined with sex with both Lauren (since they feed on each other) and with Daisy (since they have sex while still covered in victims' blood and lick each others' fingers). Lines like "I'll take you to the highest mountain / To the depths of the deepest sea / And we won't need a map, believe me" seems like metaphors for sex but it also makes me think about how as a vampire, Mitchell is capable of traversing so much more of the world since he has so much time to spare.

Sinking by The Cure - George

So I could've gone with Lullaby because of that 2x01 scene where it's used really well in the show but I think Sinking has a lot of lyrical similarities to George's experience. Robert sings "So I trick myself / Like everybody else." George, I think most especially in season 2, really tries to trick himself into thinking he can have a normal life. He tricks himself into thinking he can just put the wolf to sleep with no consequences and he tricks himself to the point of leaving Mitchell and Annie to move in with Sam, hastily proposing to her, and coming up with an absolutely ridiculous toboggan excuse to explain his monthly absences.

The song's line "The secrets I hide / Twist me inside / They make me weaker" also reflect George's experience. George learns that trying to hide what he is only makes things worse for him. At the parent-teacher conference, George finally "sinks" to rock bottom, failing at maintaining his ideal normal life by keeping the wolf separate. But by returning to Nina (someone who knows him for who he actually is, who understands what he goes through, and who he can be totally honest with), he is able to float back to the surface.

The Chain by Fleetwood Mac and I'm So Afraid by Fleetwood Mac - Annie

I feel like both these songs really capture Annie's struggles. I'm So Afraid reflects a lot of her loneliness due to having only a couple people who can see her, her fear of Owen, fear of the spirit world trying to drag her back, fear of losing her friends in season 2. Also the line "So afraid / Slip and I fall and I die" is too perfect for a character who died from being pushed down the stairs.

The Chain reflects Annie's relationship with Owen really well. The metaphor of the chain makes me think both about how in death Annie is figuratively chained to Owen because her original unfinished business was to confront him for killing her. But I also think of the unending chain of Owen's abuse. We know he was abusive to Annie but we also learn that Janey is sometimes scared of Owen too. Owen just continues his chain of abuse with the next woman he dates. The line "And if you don't love me now / You will never love me again" sounds like an ultimatum an abusive partner would make, like it's Owen forcing Annie to tell him she loves him otherwise he'll threaten to break up with her (or worse). The line "You will never love me again" sounds like a command where the abuser is forcing the other person to feel a certain way and that seems like something Owen would do to Annie.

Bedroom Hymns by Florence + the Machine - Lucy

The show uses Florence songs a lot (shoutout to the use of Howl in that one promo which I find super nostalgic) but this one (which wasn't even released yet at the time of season 2) really makes me think of Lucy and Mitchell's relationship told from Lucy's perspective. The song uses a lot of religious imagery intertwined with strong erotic desire and I can't help but think of Lucy's conflict between her feelings for Mitchell and her assigned mission to kill him which is rooted in anti-vampire Catholicism. Florence sings "Such selfish prayers and I can't get enough" and Lucy definitely can't get enough of Mitchell while also trying to reconcile her selfish feelings with her duty to Kemp's mission.

Baby Criminal by Viagra Boys - Tom

While Tom is not nearly as sociopathic as the protagonist of this song (he's quite the opposite in fact), there is something about the idea of how we all start out as innocent babies but can go on to lose that presumed innocence later in life. The chorus of "Used to be a baby, now he's just a criminal" reminds me of how Tom was once a human baby with a normal life, only to then become a houseless vampire-killing werewolf living in the woods. He and McNair steal to survive (becoming petty criminals) and while he is a very sweet and loving person, that is often in conflict with his highly skilled and trained vampire-killing. The chaotic instrumentation of the song does a good job of depicting a kind of inner conflict that makes me think of Tom's conflicting sweetness and vampire-killing tendencies. Also there's even the line "They said that he was tryna build a nuclear device" and we know about Tom and his bomb-making.

[dragonmasterhiccup]

Pursing her lips, Freya took a step back, mockingly holding up her hands in surrender, "Fine. But you're gonna have to get used to that kind of stuff in public if we want this to succeed." She lifted her chin, narrowing her eyes at him as she continued, "Looks like you'll need a lot of work in that area."

She merely smiled at Hiccup's glare, quite literally shoving it in his face that she thought it was funny. "We can work on that too, I guess."

Freya tapped her arm in thought, wondering if Ayla would pick up on the signs of their fake relationship. She knew it wouldn't be impossible, but then again, she was only 10 years old..

How bad could it be?

"Nah.. I don't think she'll figure it out that quickly. If she does, then I'll ask her to keep quiet about it until we...figure everything out.." Her amber eyes briefly glanced at Blaze as he practically pulled on, what looked like, a log - at that point. "Plus, she's not one to go and spill a bunch of secrets, opposed to how you may think.."

Purposefully copying him yet again, Freya crossed her arms as well, "Then you better not be a stuttering mess if we have to hold hands in front of people." She lifted her chin once more, another challenging glint in her eyes, "In fact, let's see who stutters first when the opportunity comes."

She lightly smirked at his statement, mockingly tilting her head as she faked a pout, "Aww, you're shy now? That's funny." She sighed and examined her nails, pretending they were more interesting to look at, "No more bold Hiccup, I presume.."

Freya lifted her chin at him, already annoyed at how he was able to talk back without much effort, "You've got some attitude. How about I punch you every time you do say something sarcastic?"

As he pointed out the idea of coming to the forge, she tapped her arm in a silent protest, "I won't be exactly overjoyed to be in a place that constantly feels like you're very close to the sun every day...but I'll probably stop by a few times throughout the week, just for good measures.." Glancing back at the water, she decided to tease him one more time, "And I'll get to annoy you again while I'm there, so win-win."

Hearing him mention that they would have to sit next to each other at the Great Hall, she faintly grimaced, knowing there will definitely be some onlookers if they did that. Her expression quickly lit up, though, when he pointed out their training, and she held back from jumping in her spot like Ayla would do, "Okay, I'm not a big fan of the whole sitting together thing, but I'll be looking forward to the training part!" She went and jabbed his shoulder with her finger, trying to contain her excitement, "You'll have to be there for my sword fighting practices too, then!"

Still being energized by that idea, she began mumbling to herself - again: "But sometimes my dad comes to watch.. I don't know about that...but then that'll make it more fun.." She started to pace, wondering about all of the possible scenarios that could happen while Blaze continued to tug on the branch he and Toothless had found.

Stopping in her tracks, she met Hiccup's gaze, "Okay, okay. What about this: I go to the forge with you on certain days in the week, and then on the other ones we can train - just to make it look more.. realistic."

Turning to face her, he plainly stated, "I don't see Ayla as untrustworthy, if that's what you're assuming."

Eyebrows low, he took on her challenge. Thinking back, he knows he made her stutter more than once. "You're on! But, there oughta be some consequences for the losing party, and something for the winner."

Scoffing, he crossed his arms, arching a brow. "And it looks like the return of aloof Freya. Inevitable, really." Letting out an exaggerated sigh, he shook his head, stepping away. "Oh well, what a shame. It was a good run..."

She was really pushing it. Stepping closer, his voice low, he looked into her eyes, "How about you don't punch me, and instead, we'll just settle it in combat training?"

Shrugging lightly, he pointed out, "Ayla doesn't seem to mind it, you can hardly keep her out of the forge. That being said, it has been fun to have her around."

Cracking a smile, his features softened a bit seeing how excited she was about training.

Nodding, he said, "I'll be there, you just have to let me know when. The only exception is if my dad insists on giving me more chiefing lessons, those I can't exactly get out of... usually."

Toothless, eyes filled with joy, tugged the other end of the log, his tail moving side to side in excitement.

Considering it, he tilted his head, then nodded. "Okay. It's a deal. And anything else, we'll tackle it as it comes up."

Now...they just had to tell their fathers.

Taking a breath, he held his hand out to Freya. "Nothing's going in writing, but if we're really going to do this, we ought to shake on it. So, are you ready to let me be your pretend boyfriend, and therefore be my pretend girlfriend?"

----------------

Stoick was home before Hiccup, and as soon as he walked through the door, Stoick's booming voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Son! I'm glad you're home. There are some matters of importance we need to discuss."

"Uh...yeah, sure. What, uh, what did you want to talk about?"

Stoick went on about some new laws, before finishing with, "...and, of course, there's the matter of your future, who will lead our people with you, by your side? Now, I understand that the options here are limited, but the Berserker tribe has some fine maidens that have heard tales of your heroics--"

"Oh! Oh, uh, actually, a-about that... I, uhm... I actually have a girlfriend now, dad..."

Stoick, eyes wide, faced his son. "You do? Well, who is it?" When Hiccup paused, Stoick hurried him along. "Spit it out, son!"

"It's Freya, actually."

"Ragnar's daughter?"

Hiccup nodded.

Stoick was silent for a moment, blinking in surprise at Hiccup, before he beamed, pulling Hiccup into a rib-crushing hug. "Oh, Thor Almighty! That's wonderful news!"

"Ow, dad, please let go--"

"Oh! Sorry, lad!" Stoick released Hiccup, who pressed a hand to his ribs, hunched over while he caught his breath.

Stoick continued. "This is great news, son! She's a perfect choice, though a little unexpected, I'll admit. Honestly son, I was under the impression that she hated you."

"She did, dad."

"What changed, then?"

"Uh...we got trapped on an island overnight in a cave, and we talked. About a lot of stuff..."

Stoick nodded knowingly. "Ah, gave some new perspective, aye?"

"Something like that."

"Do you really like her, son? Maybe even love her?"

"I...I do like her, dad. I don't know about love just yet..." Was his face turning red?

Stoick let out a laugh, shaking his head. "What are you doing here, then? Go, be with your girl for a bit!"

---------------

"So, yeah, it actually went really well."

Hiccup just finished telling Freya of his conversation with his dad, though he left out a few details.

Namely, the like her/love her part.

Fiddling with his armor, he asked, "When did you want to tell your dad?"

[insanityisfine]

I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED!

Let me break this down by points:

First, consent.

This is a concept that was pushed to the sidelines for very long, in a vast amount of contexts. Then, some years ago, several movements pushed for it's recognition and aplication, particularly when it comes to sexual contexts.

This is all normal and good. As times evolve, certain things get more attention or new importance. But we have to take into account 2 things:

1. The internet, and how fast it allows something to spread; and

2. The threat of the common sense.

I'll work backwards on these two, it will make sense, I promise.

The threat of the common sense is an expression of an old professor whose lecture I had the pleasure to attend. It refers to the phenomenon of specific cientific and academic concepts becoming part of common lingo, and how dangerous that is. This isn't to say, mind you, that academia ought to keep knowledge to itself, gatekeeping it to a form of elite. This was the professor warning us of what we'd encounter once we hit the field work; namely, a vast amount of people with very little knowledge of a thing, convinced they deeply knew it. It's related to the Dunning-Krueger effect, wherein if someone knows a little bit about something they are overly confident in their knowledge, but the more one learns, the less likely they are to feel absolutely certain in their knowledge.

The threat of the common knowledge, however, is slightly different. The Dunning-Krueger effect is still displayed, but it's as a consequence. Of what? Of people's tendency to take incomplete information and filling in the blanks by themselves, with their own biases. Humans, for beings that are incredibly complex, abhorr complexity, to the point where our brains literally developed shortcuts to make complex things easier. There is at least one (1) universal experience, that applies to all of humanity: that feeling of "this thing™ is MUCH harder than I thought!"

Taking all this into consideration, now let's add the speed of dissemination of the internet. With it's tendency to prefer and push shorter simplified content and information. Which leads to misinformation (the unintentional perpetuation and spread of wrong and/or incomplete information) and disinformation (the purposeful spread of wrong information, usually to fuel an agenda of sorts. It's not as simple as lying, because the underlying (heh) intentions are harmful).

This leads to the abuse and misunderstanding of concepts, in this case, consent, and the need for everyone else to conforme to one's view and definition of it. This last point is a human tendency, that's exarcerbated in online spaces, where speed imposes itself on thinking through things and about things.

However.

Some people are aware of this last point. And then incurr in a uhnoly combo of overthinking about something, without looking for further info on it, thus creating a spiral of progressively more unreasonable opinions, they then demand be seen as facts, of their own creation. This leads us into the next subject;

Second, the pathologization of the self, online.

This occurs in two fronts:

People who are experiencing/have experienced exclusion in some form;

People who are looking for a sense of belonging and support.

Both groups are looking for the same thing, but come from different backgrounds, that inevitably shape their experiences and interactions with whom they meet.

A very important thing to keep in mind, is that no one involved in this phenomenon started with bad intentions. Most of those that do perpetuate wrong information, genuinely think they're helping. This should inform our approach, if we want to educate someone.

This all started, much like with consent, with movements to talk about mental health, after a LONG period of time where it was... let's just say, ignored, because that's a WHOLE other rant, for another time.

People shared their struggles, and how they dealt with them. This in turn, allowed more people to do the same, sharing and supporting, and helping one another, creating a sense of community.

And then, the threat of the common sense reared its ugly head, and the concepts broke containment.

Soon, there were people self-diagnosing, not in the sense that they related to things within the communities and then looked for a professional opinion, but in the sense that they decided that a label applied to them, and started using it, without really understanding the weight it carried. This in turn emboldened said people to diagnose others, and in their self created spiral of unreasonable opinions (mentioned above), everything is a diagnostic for something.

Third, outrage, judgement, and young people left to learn by themselves with no guidance.

It is a fact well researched that older teens and young adults are very susceptible to radicalizing thought processes. Not just susceptible to radicalization, for example, but more prone to think there's only one way of doing and saying things. Tunnel vision, if you will. Because it's the prime age range where the Dunning-Krueger effect takes place: they know a LOT, more than they ever knew, and think that's all they need.

Add to this, the (wrong) notion that "digital natives" are born knowing how to deal with everything online, and you get lost children trying to guide other lost children, who react negatively (like humans tend to) to being told they're wrong, actually.

Then, you get people being very confident in their opinions, and trying to agressively protect themselves and those they see as vulnerable, by any means necessary, because no one protected them. Even if it means shouting unreasonable opinions as facts, desperate to be told they're the ones in the right, because they have their nerves fried. They're live wires. Now, onto our final point:

Fourth, the weaponisation and appropriation of psychological language, particularly online.

I've already touched on the general points and origins of this above, so I'll focus on your points, hope that's okay.

I don't know enough to be able to tell for sure if it should be considered similar to Munchausen or not, honestly. On the one hand, superficially it makes sense, on the other, there seem to be too many reasons for why these people act this way, that don't match with Munchausen proper. Munchausen itself is controversial, so I'm afraid it will take time until we can reach a conclusion on this.

The Self Care Psychopath is the most recent iteration of those™ people that insist they know better than everyone, and thus everyone ought to defer to them.

I believe they are different from the misguided kids, because their intentions are fundamentally different (as mentioned above), even if it's possible for a misguided kid to grow into a Self Care Psychopath.

(I'm not a big fan of this term, because it accidentally contributes to the mythology of psycho and sociopaths, but for the sake of clarity it's what I'll be using. The mythomania around the dark tryad alone is worthy of multiple rants, but I'll hold back here).

The SCP (HAH! I'M DEFINITELY KEEPING THIS!) is now someone who uses words like "gaslighting" and "narcisist" without not only self awareness or real knowledge, but with the express intent of making the other look bad, in order to make themselves look better.

They're just the latest in an unfortunately long line of smartasses. Once there were "well, achually" people, "but according to this one source" people, "I'm just brutally honest" people, etc.

If I may conclude with some anger, the SCP is someone who's very likely to buy into their own bullshit, and believe themselves oppressed or surpressed for being called out, proceeding to complain about "cancel culture". It's the latest form of the people who want to do and say whatever comes to their mind, without consequences. And I fear it's not even their final form.

[mywipsdontend]

A Bloody Addiction - Part 1

Warnings : Profanity, gore, death

I walked into the flat, nonchalantly, not expecting anything to be out of the ordinary, you know, besides my entire fucked up life. Anyway, I walked into the flat to find my roommate, Anna, with her face buried in the neck of some poor middle-aged stout gentleman.

"Anna! What have I told you about feeding on Innocents!?"

She looks up sheepishly, only partially detaching her glistening fangs from the poor blokes neck.

"That if I'm gonna drink them, finish them?"

"No!"

I shake my head in disgust as Anna goes back to draining what's left of the man. Despite my revulsion, I watch Anna's work in awe. I'm enthralled by the palor that is quickly overtaking the man's skin. Anna lifts her head up and drops the man's pale, limp body to the floor. The meager light that manages to pierce through our boarded windows dances on Anna's fangs and for a moment I'm mesmerized by the crimson glow of blood. Reality reels me back and I'm reminded that Anna has just murdered a man, and one who was well off at that.

"Anna..."

Anna flicks her long, serpentine tongue out of her mouth and carefully laps up the blood that drips from her fangs.

"I know that you don't approve of my methods, but this is an intrinsic part of my culture"

"ANNA! YOU CAN'T CALL MURDER PART OF YOUR CULTURE." I sigh and catch my breath. "Sorry, I didn't mean to yell. It's just..." I trail off, not certain how to say this without offending her. "You have to recognize that what you have is an addiction, and a harmful one at that."

"I know... You know I have to feed though or else I'll start to age again. Not all of us are fortunate enough to look 23 without consequence."

"Babes, you know as well as I do that turning once a month isn't 'without consequence'"

Anna looks down dejectedly with the crimson luster fading from her eyes and starts "It's better than having a feeding frenzy and killing innocents"

I reach out and push back the hair that has fallen in her face with bits of gore dripping from it. "Hey, but you were doing so well up till now. Let's celebrate that, not focus on your relapse. Although, we will have to deal with him at some point. Did you turn him..."

Anna cuts me off, "No. He's gone, sent straight to Hades. I was so hungry that I drained every litre of blood in his body."

She starts to sob into my shoulder and I just sit there. "How did we get here..." I think to myself. We used to be normal for fucks sake. We used to be two teenagers. Two *NORMAL* teenagers. FUCK. My girlfriend is a vampire and I got bit by a werewolf. I guess normal for us is a fantasy... Same as how we used to think vampires and werewolves were fantasy...