#but i just wanted to rant about it bc like there's ways to say things nicely to people and that was not one of them

[autismjester]

Okay, I’m about to make this post even more sad, so I apologize. My rant ended up being longer than I expected, so hopefully you don’t mind me adding all this to your post! You made a good explanation of Ozzie’s actions, so I found this a good jumping off point to talk even more about autistic/neurotypical dynamics.

You’re totally right that Ozzie doesn’t seem to see or treat Stolas as a friend. But I think it’s interesting that you start off by saying Stolas and Ozzie will probably never be friends, because from Stolas’ perspective, they already are. Sort of.

So, as you may already know, part of the problem for (some) autistic people with friendships isn’t just that we don’t understand social cues, it’s also that we have no real frame of reference for what positive relationships look like. Stolas had no friends growing up, just a butler and a father who both treated him like an obligation. Now he has Blitz, who genuinely cares about him but frequently acts annoyed with him anyway; his daughter, who often gets upset with him for reasons he doesn’t fully understand (bc of his struggle with social cues and also just bc she’s 17); a wife who hates his guts; and a social group who all either ignore him or laugh at him to his face. Naturally, he has no idea how someone who likes you is meant to act, or what treatment he shouldn’t tolerate.

So, we get to Ozzie. Anyone who was an autistic (or otherwise disabled) highschooler probably knew a kid like Ozzie—he’s well-liked, and has a reputation for being one of the nicer “cool guys”, so he’s friendly to the weird autistic kids because of course he is. He doesn’t actually understand or like them, but he would never *say* that in public, because he’s not some discriminatory asshole, and being somewhat polite is just the appropriate social thing to do. From Ozzie’s perspective: sure, he’s passive aggressive sometimes, but clearly Stolas must not even notice, or else Stolas would change his behavior to be less frustrating.

I do think it’s important to recognize that Ozzie probably doesn’t have any more awareness of how he’s taking out frustration on Stolas than Stolas does of his own “annoying” autistic traits. And that doesn’t make Ozzie’s actions okay! But I don’t think they’re malicious—he’s just doing what comes naturally, because unlike Stolas, he’s never really had to worry about things like masking or changing his personality for other people’s sake. And besides, everyone else around him agrees that Stolas is annoying, so it’s not like they’ll blame him for venting about it. Even Stolas never complains about it! (In Fizz’s case, all of his knowledge about Stolas probably comes from Ozzie, so he probably just assumes Ozzie is right.)

A lot of media portrays autistic people as the only ones with no self-awareness, but the reality is that neurotypicals also often lack self-awareness, just in much more socially acceptable ways—which is why I really like that Ozzie is portrayed this way. I don’t think all of these cases are necessarily annoyance, either—in some of them Ozzie just seems more surprised and confused that Stolas isn’t following social expectations, because for him that’s really hard to understand.

(Ozzie also has a lack of self-awareness because he’s royalty and can treat anyone however he wants without pushback. Even Stolas isn’t really supposed to talk back or disagree with him, according to their respective places in society. Ozzie doesn’t seem to care much about rank, but unfortunately that doesn’t take away the pressure everyone else has to please him.)

Back to Stolas’ perspective. He can tell that *something* is off with the way Ozzie talks to him, but also, Ozzie is nicer to him than most people are. He’s someone Stolas feels comfortable enough with to ask for a favor. Stolas doesn’t get upset when Ozzie assumes the worst of him or acts annoyed by his presence because he’s used to those things, and at least Ozzie *tolerates* him (fuck, writing this is bringing me back to high school 😥). So, that makes them friends, right? What else is a friend, besides someone who is willing to be around you instead of telling you to go away? Even if they’re mean to you sometimes—that’s just friendly banter, right? Sure, it’s always one-sided, and if you said the same things back they would probably get really mad, but… it’s fine. This is the best he’s going to get, so he’s got to appreciate it. Once Stolas becomes closer with other people (especially M&M!) I think he will realize how not-okay a lot of this is, and that he deserves to be around people who treat him with actual kindness. But that will take a while.

Do I think it’s *healthy* for Stolas to become friends with Ozzie after this? Ehhh, I don’t know. I think it will take Stolas a few more years to recognize that these behaviors could even count as bullying, and unpack the way he feels about them (maybe a shorter amount of time, if Blitz notices Ozzie’s behavior and gets pissed off, lol. Because he WILL call that shit out.) Do I think Stolas will forgive him and consider him a friend, or at least an ally, regardless of if Ozzie ever apologizes? Well, yeah. Stolas is a very “forgive and forget” kind of person. He doesn’t really hold grudges, and he (often unsuccessfully) tries to avoid social conflict like the plague. Then again, the more time he spends with Blitz, the more comfortable Stolas will probably become with being confrontational and setting boundaries. So we’ll see!

what do you think of stolas and asmodeus's relationship?

Ooof... Ok I think Asmodeus has a problem with neurodivergents, and Stolas is very obviously autistic. (And it'll take a bit of explaining cus I do really like Ozzie. But I think this is where he's going to get character growth. So sorry for being slow).

They are very unlikely to ever be close friends; because of Ozzie's bullying, even when he gets passed it.

Stolas looks extremely worried to find out Ozzie's there when we first met him.

But no, I don't think they'll ever really be friends. (But I'm can see Stolas and Fizz becoming friends though).

It's really good writing to have the carer to his physical disabled partner, be bit ableist to invisible disabilities.

Ozzie's a fairly lovely guy otherwise, so it's nice reminder that anyone can be guilty of this.

"Asmodues can be very invasive in his humour. But I thought it was pretty funny myself. What he said about me at least. I enjoys being the subject of jest. Maybe you can say mean things to me too next time you come over" (text from Stolas to Blitz).

His text shows this isn't the first time Ozzie's done this. It's normal for Ozzie to grab him and taking the piss out of him.

"He enjoys being the subject of jest" because it's always just a joke, and Stolas is always the punchline.

Then there's Ozzie behaviour in Opps, like how he reacts during Stolas' appointment. Showing up four hours late without even apologising. (Stolas is just days out of the hospital).

And Ozzie's basically pissed off for Stolas existence during the whole of it.

Getting annoyed at very petty things like Stolas not taking the right seat, and giving him a real answer to a verbal wallpaper question "Still gettin' yo' kink on with that feisty imp?"

He doesn't actually want to know the answer; even though it's the whole reason for the meeting, and treats all Stolitz could be as a race kink. Fizz would probably have been annoyed by that microaggression.

Then Ozzie assumes that Stolas wants to drug and rape Blitz. Assuming the worst of autistic people motivations is unfortunate common ableist microaggression.

It gets much more obvious when Stolas volunteers to help get Fizz home safe; Ozzie's behave gets worse.

With Ozzie being irritated that Stolas stop him signing the first contact, that would have allowed Crimson to decapitate Fizzarolli.

Stolas is so happy be able to use his special interest to help. But Ozzie is extremely unimpressed and angry because of Stolas' stimming.

Then after Stolas quickly writes up a workable deal, and the lawyer is slow; Ozzie sets Stolas on fire.

Through the 11 hour kidnapped Stolas faces all of Ozzie's anger and aggression, right till Fizz come back. Then it's directed at the lawyer, who up till then is only told to read faster.

Ok so he needs the lawyer alive and unharmed to rescue Fizz right?

So that means Ozzie is 100% capable and aware of controlling his anger.

But is choosing to take it out on the guy giving him help. That's like being a dick to your nurse because you're in pain. It's unstable but still a shite thing to do.

Then there's Ozzie being ungrateful callings 11 hours of free help, expecting nothing in return; as being "stuck with Stolas all day".

Some neurotypicals really do just hate you on sight for missing social cues, and Ozzie is being that guy. Even after Stolas saves his lover's life.

And he does the same thing when Stolas does what Fizz was begging him to do; save Blitz from being executed. Unable to hide his irritation.

He really complains that the free help he receive is comes from someone he finds annoying.

Even if Ozzie grows up, and takes ownership of his bullying behaviours; I can't see it as healthy for Stolas to be perfectly ok with him after this.

[jonathanbyersphd]

Can I rant to you for a sec about people claiming “Jonathan is bones”!! Because whatever their evidence is, or whatever they think it is because it feels like they’re trying way too hard to believe Jonathan is dying despite the “evidence” being so flimsy, it all falls flat to me because I cannot see the duffers doing that to Joyce. Like, did we watch the same show where this mother has been broken by thinking one of her sons died? And the whole quest was to get him back and keep him safe? But sure, let’s for the last season kill off her other son?? For what? What narrative purpose would it even serve?? Why do these people want him dead so badly!!

Hello Nonny,

Yes yes, ranting always acceptable. IMO the short answer is they hate him. The long answer is GoT did a fucking number on what people think is "good" storytelling combined with people thinking everything is a "death flag". (I also think there's a part here that people don't fully think about the in-story implications of him dying + assume he's the "easiest" to kill (as in no fandom backlash) + they don't want steve/nancy/robin to die but think one of the older teens should die bc they don't want to kill off the party or joyce&hopper)

And like even excluding the fact that is would destroy Joyce (AND WILL). Jonathan's story very much isn't done yet. Like for the first time arguably since s1 he's carrying over plot threads into the the next season. One conversation about he'll always be there for Will doesn't mean his story is resolved. (Not to mention this was added in to s4 to like give a little bit of closure/hope for WILL'S plot not Jonathan's) He still needs to have a real, honest conversation with Joyce and Nancy (and probably Will too) and decide what he wants to do for college outside of any ideas of "needing" to be there for others.

And the fucking annoying thing to me is that Charlie basically said Jonathan survives at a con a couple months back. People are just assuming he's lying or forgot that he said it. Which like yes actors lie, but why are we believing every OTHER actor? Because they're saying what you want to hear??? OK THEN

Anyways, my best advice is just start blocking people. It makes life a little more pleasant.

[oreolesbian]

the absolute lack of media literacy from people who haven’t even seen oppenheimer is making my head spin but whatever

[sukibenders]

The way people are becoming anti-children nowadays is really sad. And I'm not talking about people not wanting to have kids of their own, that's fine and something that shouldn't be shamed nor up to someone else to debate. No, I'm talking about the people who adamantly hate these little humans for simply existing, wanting to ban them from spaces due to them having emotional reactions that they are still learning to understand (you know, the kind of lessons that everyone had to learn and figure out at one point). It's gotten to the point where I've even seen these types of people genuinely support children being harmed and deny their hurt under the consensus of "Well then maybe they shouldn't be there," in your average public space. Like, imagine thinking hating on children, people who need assistance and guidance, is something to be proud of.

[britneyshakespeare]

you know something i don't like about modern culture (and i wonder to what extent the prevalence of dating apps has to do with it) is that you're, seemingly, not supposed to ask people you just meet in real life on a date anymore? you're supposed to ask them to see you individually to hang out, and you're not supposed to call it anything...? people act like declaring intent is impolite or something.

this absolutely sucks if you're a woman on the receiving end of this kind of thing all the time, from men you don't wanna see privately that way. i've felt so much guilt about it in my life. whether i say no or yes. i know i'm giving that man hope that it's a date, that i wanna go on a date with him if i agree to see him for coffee or whatever. but if i don't wanna go on this undeclared date, i have to reject the very concept of spending time with him at all, which feels SOOO much meaner and more personal, doesn't it? it feels like that to me. and if i do go, and i don't wanna go on another one (because i never enjoyed the it-pretty-much-being-a-date element of the time), it feels like i'm crushing his hopes after puffing them up just a little bit.

and it's like. "date" is not a dirty word. we have so many expectations nowadays around things. women used to sit around and wait for a man to propose to them, and it would be basically the only decision they could make in their life. not even really the choice to marry, but to whom they get married. and obviously marriage was very serious.

as courtship continued to develop into modern dating and boyfriend/girlfriend culture, it sort of decentralized the importance or marriage and valued getting to know someone you like romantically, with the implicit assumption that you're doing it with the attempt to better choose the 'right one' by spending quality time with them. decent enough. although even the words boyfriend and girlfriend are much more serious than they used to be. they did not always imply a serious commitment like they do today, especially if you're... basically, just not a kid anymore.

people have a certain amount of expectation of what anyone over 18 should do or want to do with a "partner"—like, if this were the 1940s, i would've had several "boyfriends" in my adult life, but i never called them that, and the modern sense of that word would not be accurate. if i went on a date or two and flirted with them, that'd be enough to say "yeah i went out with a boyfriend." i'm mostly indifferent to this change of vocabulary, but the point is i have no word to describe any of those guys that i just gave a chance, never felt much for, and didn't wanna keep seeing. not bad things; it's just experience.

and if we aren't bold enough to call things dates for the sake of the atmosphere not losing the low-stakes nature... it's like, no, it doesn't do that. it's just two people spending time with the elephant in the room. perhaps that makes it feel more relaxed if both people really are doing it with the same intent, let's-just-see-if-we-get-along, figuring out if you like someone you don't really know very well yet. testing it. but like. that can be a date. that's what a lot of dates are. when you meet the person on a dating app and just grab coffee without setting higher expectations, you wouldn't hesitate to call it a date. if it's that person from your college class, that's ruder or more presumptuous, somehow?

a date doesn't have to be a candlelit dinner with the violinist standing by. a date doesn't have to be high romance. a date doesn't have to end with a kiss or lead to a commitment, if things go decently. a date certainly doesn't have to result in two people having sex. a date can be nonchalant and friendly and just trying to discover if you have any chemistry with this person who piqued your interest. why is that NOT the initial expectation anymore? why is "date" a dirty word? why?

[butteredfrogs]

vent in tags

[vanillaboyfriend]

that edit is doing better than i expected :) yippee

[vacantgodling]

not to be weird and sappy on main, but frfr i'm so glad i have found a community of people who think my work is good

[starheirxero]

Oh my GOD y'all I just saw a post and it made me feel vindicated about something I totally forgot bc it was like. "People act like doing a lot of things (drinking, partying, having sex, etc) while having schizophrenia is a bad thing" and like. Goddd I don't know if y'all remember this, but yk how Sun having schizophrenia was a topic for a while bc of Sun's hallucinations?

Do you guys also remember like. that someone made a post saying that Sun should not have been drinking wine at all because of his schizophrenia??? And how they were very firm that Sun was making his disorder, like, worse? by drinking???

Cuz. I remember thinking it was so weird to assume that, despite Sun insisting "no, I haven't even been drinking enough to get proper drunk, it's not a problem and I'll even cut back because people are getting worried," they were so sure that Sun was just totally throwing himself down the drain bc schizophrenic people Shouldn't be drinking at all. apparently.

And I just. It's so weird remembering that bc wow, that really Was a kinda trashy take huh? Like maybe for some folks, if they drink, their hallucinations or their delusions will get worse yk? But. That's not a guarantee. A schizophrenic person knowing their boundaries with alcohol shouldn't still be seen as this deeply tragic thing. Like wow, you're not really viewing schizophrenic people as People, are you 🤨

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[halsaph]

They should've just let Jason be a part of the rogues gallery

[i-c-u-p]

going to start using this platform like twitter again and by that i mean posting relentlessly and going on rants in the tags

[sungwanns]

what we could’ve had with spencer and jj blah blah blah ELLE what we could’ve had with spencer and ELLE !! THATS what we should be mourning

[tempe-brennans]

i hate living here

[hauntingblue]

Justice for jolyne wdym emporio defeated pucci

[numetalkids]

*inhales*.....................DEEP SIGH