#but i just feel so so dull sometimes
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I consistently say that I'm not sure whether I like medieval studies, and yet when I'm doing an assignment I often end up focussing on something medieval. I just took ELEVEN BOOKS from the shelf on the Gawain poet because apparently I'm a nerd
#also little side ramble but when i was out with my friend yesterday i was so worried because of how much of a nerd i am#she's quite girly and trendy and has a big group of friends and they go out a lot and stuff#and I'm just here burying my head in medieval books and i wish i could be interesting like her#but i just feel so so dull sometimes#even though i dress like the coolest medievalist-to-be#plus i had a lil social anxiety freak out yesterday when i was out with her and was just terrified the entire time that she hated me#I'm wearing my new docs today tho so I'm excitedddd#also i bought a new dress yesterday but i have nowhere to wear it and it's not very cottagecore like at all#rants n rambles
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boom tails really switches between being the smartest/sassiest guy in the room and:
#there are two babies in this picture#i love him sm#sometimes infant brain just takes over for a second#also why are his eyes so dull in this screenshot?#i don’t feel like my soul is being stared into#miles tails prower#boom tails#sonic boom
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Prism's concept art has been. Deeply on my mind. They had some killer ideas for her and ummm.....sobs in my hands. I love her?
#sometimes i forget i like markers then i draw in markers and im like woah! these are fun!#idk it's the closest i can make my traditional look like digital lmao#ALSO can you tell I LOVE doing line art because. I love doing lineart#im really happy with this.... i have a shitpost idea of the mind rn but i also wanna draw her in the lab coat#she could slay in anything I feel#also! new sketchbook!! im yet to make a sappy post about ny old one but yeah i had to hand it it on thursday of the first day of my art exam#im hyped about this one though i really like it so far auuu <- still on the front pages#best eay to break in a new sketchbook! draw the fictional woman youre head over heels for!!!#[agent moose's art]#i expect you to die#ieytd#roxana prism#robutler#<- ohb big boy tags im happy with her..#i was fighting for ny life trying to figure out what colour to do the trousers though#but it worked out i feel#i also am somewhere in the middle abt the skintone for her because likeeee okay i do have a darker marker HOWEVER it's got too much of -#- a red tint to it and i did a loose doodle with it before for her and it just. didn't look right#so i used a ligher one but built it up#it looks darker in person and tbf i do edit my photos so they're less dull
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thinking about how much worse my pain used to be like holy SHIT. its gotten so much better in the last couple years and im so relieved. how did i LIVE genuinely it was so bad
#well the real answer is a) i lived bc i had to b) i was barely alive#my fatigue was so bad and my pain was so bad#holy shit i just remembered#pretty much every night. from my knees down. i would feel this SEARING pain like actually burning. i havent felt that in so long#now its like a dull ache all the time which yeah sucks#but i can ignore it. i can actually ignore it sometimes.#and then the ndph!!! i havent gotten a migraine in almost 3 months!!!#ive needed to take headache meds at school one time!!! this school year!!!!#only once!!!! thats huge for me!!!!!#i stopped eating poultry and gluten which sucks bc i love poultry and i love gluten#but wow do i feel so much better#ALSO PREGABALIN I LOVE YOUUUU PREGABALIN BEST MEDICATION EVER !!!!!!!!!!!!! <33#boycritter et al
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I still can't get over how bad the lighting and colouring is in some of the magazine shoots and the fact they actually go ahead and publish the pictures looking so unfinished like that
#like ive already talked about the white washing 10 thousand times you guys know i dont like the white washing#but even outside that so often the pictures are like. blown out bright all over#or they'll be weirdly dull and yeah sometimes either of those things can be purposeful#but not in any of the shoots lately- like ive never seen an overly bright white pic and thought it was an interesting aesthetic choice#i just went ? and you published it like that??#its kinda funny bc the few mags they had back in 2018/9 i feel like not only whotewashed them less but also just like. looked professionall#edited#like sometimes i make edits for fun and i think the og pics are nice on their own#but frequently its not that at all im like Oh no that needs editing genuinely lol#like its just wild sometimes when you look at some of the pics up close
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#I just feel so like. idk how to even describe my state of mind.#it's like I've gone from depressed in a dull helpless way to depressed in a hysterical way but sometimes for a#little bit I'm also normal. i feel like the most boring person in the world & also like I'm losing my mind.#i genuinely never thought i would actually really get to this point in my life ever. not in that i thought I'd die per se it was just never#real to me it never felt like something i could feasibly accomplish & now I'm there i feel like i just stepped off into the deep end of#some alternate universe world i shouldn't even exist in like i don't belong here.#like when i pictured my life as a kid reality just ended here & everything else was fantasy I realistically knew I never could do#& I'm Trying so hard to get myself a job so i can do smth with my life beyond sort of stewing in boredom & existential terror mixed but#i do not feel like a real person who could feasibly do that. like i just thought I'd disappear or something I don't know what I thought.#like someone would just close the picture book of my life because I'm not someone whose capable of living a normal life.#like I've failed the test (just like I always expected to!!!) but I'm still stuck here they forgot to take me out of the experiment.#<- sorry I'm okay mostly I'm just. really going through it w the transitional stage of life thing
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he doesn't know what this assless boy has done to bewitch such beautiful men and it torments him
I fell off my bed laughing 😭 your tags are so fucking hilarious like legitimately no offense but they're better than your actual replies
None taken I find my own tags delightful and am glad you like them too
#I will put more in the tags than in the actual post sometimes#I abuse them regularly#todo really is Megumi’s number one hater#he is so boring but the most important person in his life (his beloved brother yuuji) is inexplicably enchanted by his bland personality#and flat assed ways. his One True Rival The Most Beautiful Man On That Otherwise Dull Campus Okkotsu Yuuta (guy who barely registers todos#existence and would not consider them rivals if he did) cares for fushiguro like a baby bird. a pathetic and assless baby bird#what about him captivates them so. he is the unsalted cracker of boys and will never reach manhood#todo is fucking shaking terrified of what takada would think if she met him. would she inexplicably approve too. has the world gone mad.#Megumi feels that he was just trying to go to the damn vending machine and everything that’s happened since is unwarranted#todo would be there front row at the itafushi wedding but he’d be like that mother in law who wears white on the occasion#to be clear he doesn’t wear white. Megumi also doesn’t wear white. no one wears white. todos probably shirtless. he is weeping. they are no#tears of joy.
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sometimes i get lost in the bitterness of not being able to create something to the arbitrary standards i've set for myself & then i see someone else's art & i'm like oh. it's about love. i forgot.
#there's so much love in creation#i get so technical sometimes that i become a little blinded to it#and im just spinning in circles trying to figure out why everything i make feels dull#when im not creating out of feeling#& then i see someone else's art and its like taking a breath after holding it in for a long time#like /oh/#joon talks
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tennis looks so fucking boring im sorry. cannot get on board with a sports event where there is no telling if it will end in one hour or five. and not only is there no telling but its also the most boring game to watch ever. so like you can rest assured that what you will be watching is just a ball travelling back and forth across a net but what you dont know is whether it will finish in time for you to get home for dinner or maybe your mother's birthday which is two and half weeks away
#so fucking glad wimbledon is over it feels like it goes on for fucking forever and it is so dull. and im not even a sports hater i know#this is not a jock website but i was as the usamericans would say a jock in school...i loved PE so much i love sport tennis is fun to play#even though im awful at it. but WATCHING tennis. you would have to probably pay me real money to be honest#most sports are so boring to watch imo though apart from certain olympic events..golf. rugby. cricket (worst sport ever hate cricket so bad#like what do you mean a football game lasts NINETY MINUTES. thats a feature length film except the film is just people kicking#a ball and maybe sometimes it goes into a net. and sometimes? it lasts 120 minutes. like be so serious. sorry im a sports lover but im a#watching-sports hater its just who i am. anyway happy no more wimbledon day to all who celebrate (ME)#(ridi's) bigmouth strikes again
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Another quick drawing from last night
#keese draws#eternal gales#oc posting#oc#ocs#oc art#experimented a lil bit with giving her some more visible dark fur#I think I like it but Im gonna have to draw her a few more times to make sure I think#my main concern is that it might make her look a lil too similar to mason pattern wise#which is already smth Ive struggled with in the past lol#also yeah I <3 using brushes incorrectly#idc what the creators of any given brush intended if I can use it for funky lineart I Will use it for lineart#also yeah Ive been grabbing a bunch of free brush packs lately so thats why Im actually drawing shit again lol#tbf the glory drawing was me wanting to use a base procreate brush Ive been meaning to mess around with but I used some texture brushes too#with all my new texture brushes making bullshit backgrounds will be a breeze 👍#oh also Ive been trying to use those dumb layer filter mode thingies for the first time lately with my shading#idk how Im feeling abt them tho tbh multiply is nice ig but I kind of dont like how it dulls out the colors sometimes#like I know it makes the shading more coherent but idk sometimes I like the more grading shading#idk can yall even tell the different dndmdkdndh#I might just be being too picky with my colors or smth I always tend to assume the worst abt my colors#anyways sceduled and now eepy time from the past and good morning future me
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okay i'm struggling again
#she bork#tbd#idk i'll be fine life is just very mean and unfair and worst of all ordinary and dull. i go to work i come home i do nothing worthwhile.#weekends are never long enough and i never get to cram enough into them to enjoy myself. if life was mean but also generous and glamorous i#could maybe put up w it bc for every low there would be a high but it's not. it's just mean and you hit that low and then instead of it#being followed by a high you just end up on a plateau and eventually you hit another low. god i just don't think i was supposed to live in#this ordinary boring tedious life like i'm not made for it. not in a pretentious arrogant way but in a way that's like i'm going fucking#crazy like i have cabin fever but w my life rather than my environment (which tbh maybe they come down to one and the same). idk sometimes i#want to just blow up my life and go somewhere else and do something else and have fun and not feel so weighted down by responsibilities and#bills and worry about money specifically. like i was miserable in high school but now i think i look back on it fondly bc 1. no true#responsibilities or high stakes and/but 2. the stakes always FELT high like i was CONSTANTLY up and down and euphoric and depressed. not#healthy at all but it always felt like something was HAPPENING and now it just doesn't. i have always though that bored was the worst thing#to be and now here i am all the time it feels like. bored.#and again at the root of everything is that life is mean. mean mean mean. sometimes shit just HAPPENS that's bad and fucks you over and#there's nothing you can do about it. and again if there was something guaranteed to make up for it that would be fine but there's not. you#just have to recover and let it go and move on. and i'm not good at that
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sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive
#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy#been feeling weird as hell these past few months#like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days#or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day#idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this#just thinking#meposting#I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying#I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult#I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad.#whatever#I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that#dissociation#me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though#she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety#and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’#I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time#I’m so solid now#so stuck in the ruts of capitalism#fuck capitalism#I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled#sorry I love talking#and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn?#it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing#I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence.#like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5.#overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names.#can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school#bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude#I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time
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Sex scenes don't bother me as much as kiss scenes. When the characters are making out in a way that indicates it will lead to sex, I'd scream at the screen "Just take off your pants and start grinding under the covers already!" because I cannot watch them mash their mouths together for another second.
That being said, I'm not a huge fan of sex scenes because firstly—I can't take the movements seriously, and if there's sound effects, there's also a high chance of me laughing. Secondly, the squishiness of the human body is another thing I can't take seriously. When I first watched the Only Friends trailer, and I saw that scene where Sand thumbs Ray's tattoo, I thought it was a butt tattoo because of the way the skin bounced in slow-motion, but no, it's actually a hip tattoo; the human skin is just that springy on every part of the body. While everyone was going crazy because of the tattoo-touch, I'm laughing because the bounce was so pronounced.
Basically, kiss scenes ick me out while sex scenes are comedy.
omg that sounds like such a fun way to experience sex scenes tho!! i wish my reaction was more like that rather than convulsion. i'd much rather experience a comedy show tbh dfjkkdgj
also interesting point you bring up about the human body being so squishy. i never really thought about it but yeah. human bodies are just so weird?????? actually, only the other week i was talking with another friend (who's likely also ace-spec) about just how humans (and tbh even animals) will just have things dangling from them?? whether it be genitalia or boobs or whatever. like, those body parts are just... hanging there?? and technically even your arms but at least you can control those. meanwhile my boobs will just bounce depening on what movements i make and i can't control them and they're just hanging from my chest while i go about my life. like, why?? i want dog boobs where you mostly have just the nipples and they only really get big when i have an actual child to feed (i know human breasts also swell when they fill with milk during a pregnancy, but why do i have to have two balls of meat hanging from my chest even when i'm not pregnant?? who thought of this design??). coming back to your point of the human body being so squishy and actually yeah, i'm realizing now that i can't take it seriously when people talk about how hot boobs are precicely because boobs are so squishy and also so wobbly and just. how is this not funny to people? dkdfjdjfk
and lmao i remember everyone going crazy over the tattoo!!!!! i realized right away that it's on the hip but maybe that was bc i remembered the placement of it from the eclipse. which is also why that scene didn't make me laugh, i was actually too busy trying to read what it said bc in the eclipse we never got to see that tattoo up close enough in order to be able to read it. so while everyone was freaking out i was just sitting in my corner like "omg so the tattoo says 'beautiful'???" i'd been wondering about it for a year ever since the eclipse, so i was just excited to finally know what it says bc i'm a nosy ass bitch lmao
anyway, i love hearing about your experiences. it's so fascinating how varied the ace experience can be and how specific things affect everyone differently. and i think it's also cool to hear what things other ace people pick up/focus on while the allosexuals are busy drooling over whatever is happening on screen dkjkdkjg
the kissing... idk, i can't tell you why it doesn't actually bother me that much or why i might even enjoy it. although i do have to say, the act of kissing does look extremely weird. sometimes (usually during longer kiss/make-out scenes) i'll be sitting there and suddenly it'll hit me that "actually kissing looks SO strange, whose idea was it for kissing to be a thing??"
sometimes in my head the kissing just conjurs up the image of a fish opening and closing it's mouth, like so:
except, you know, kissing involves two people so in reality it's more like:
#i hope you don't mind that i'm publishing this on my blog again!#i'm just thinking it might be interesting for other people as well to read about our varied experiences#do let me know if you want me to go private (or just hop straight into my dms <3)#asks#actually a random memory popped into my head while i was writing this#remember how in my other reply i said kiss scenes sometimes bore me?#actually in the first and only relationship i've been in i actually would sometimes pretend to be asleep#(even though i struggle with sleeping and can fall asleep during the day ONLY when i'm sick or under a serious lack of sleep)#i pretended to be asleep to avoid my then-bf turning the cuddling session into a make-out session#bc making-out just bored me so much as an activity lmao#(it didn't necesserily bother me or gross me out but yeah i just thought it was insanely boring)#(i still went along with it the way you'd sit through your friend's fave movie even tho you personally find it super dull)#(bc i didn't have the heart to tell him i wasn't all that into it dkfjkdg)#(actually he once made a comment how ''the two of us couldn't go a day without kissing each other!!'' and out loud i agreed#but in my head i was like ''oh i EASILY could 🤭🤭🤭'')#(again i didn't say the truth bc he was a really sweet guy and i just didn't want him to feel upset at my lack of enthusiasm about him)#to this day i have no idea if the guy was the problem bc i didn't have strong enough feelings for it or if it was bc of my asexuality#i didn't know about asexuality back then but if i'd known i might have figured it out right then and there that i was ace lmao#(it took another 2 years until i got there)
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I'm always spreading my agenda. Always on the grindset
Some more thoughts in the tags if you want to hear me ramble for way too long about smosh games content
#smosh games#smosh#smosh characters#enjoyed the video but i think especially because the last cards against humanity video was so funny this fell a tiny bit short for me#but also damien... hiiiii#and with some games they just sometimes dont make an interesting video with just having them play it#need some spices or a gimmick ontop#like the last uno video was on the first smosh videos in a long time i stopped and didnt watch to the end#especially uno even if it is a special verison just having them play it just isnt really that interesting#the uno videos they did in character where some of the funniest smosh games videos on the other hand#the simple game really lends itself to that#almost every smosh games videos has been a banger in the last weeks/months so maybe i am just spoiled from all the good shit lol#they make the most videos out of all the smosh channels so feel like some will just happen to be dull#BUT YEAH DO MORE FAMILY STYLE VIDEOS AGAIN SPENCER AND ALEX I AM BEGGING YOU
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the urge to nick my dads beer is back and stronger than ever
#i would kill for something to dull the nerves right fucking now#had a good day. not amazing but net positive. slept extremely well and got work done and drew a character ive been meaning to draw#and then boom gets hit with the biggest fuckijg wave emotions regarding a large scale joke that happened and#despite talking to my boyfriend about jt and realizing that it was in fact Just A Joke andnnot malicious in any way i still feel bad#and its not even about the joke. its not even about him. why am i so bad at getting these things. why do jokes hurt me so much sometimes.#how am i someone that people put up with even though im such a fucking idiot all of the time#how am i someone that people even take the time to explain things to when it feels like all i do is complain and experience the horrors 24/7#aughuhhhhghhhhhhhhhhhhgggggh i hate feeling bad about this.#i dont have any reason to believe i was being annoying about it. he didnt indicate that he was upset with me for any reason.#so why do i feel so fucking bad still#like it feels stupid how much that fucked over my entire day it was such a stupid joke and i could have just played along#but then my brain decided to feel like i was going actually insane and ruin shit#augghhhhhhhgghhhhh#beer calling to me. i dont even like that shit. im not even going to take it but god what i wouldnt kill for something to ease the nerves rn#lycan howls#probably delete later. if i dont forget
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you know what I like most about the new dw episode is that the monster story is a bit naff and beep throws the tone off a bit and it’s all a bit cheesy at the end BUT everything is made with such care and excitement and energy that I had an absolute blast anyway
#listen imma dunk a bit on Chibnall here so sorry if he’s your dude#but that’s the difference about his era for me#rtd can be cringe and over the top and a bit naff sometimes#but it is never boring#so much of 13s era was the same droning note with the same shot reverse shot take and the same cardboard dialogue#it had its moments (Diodati my beloved) but so much was just … meh#I totally get they had no where near the same amount of budget as rtd has now#but this show has been made on a shoestring longer than it’s had Disney bankrolling it#and the worst thing a show like doctor who can be is dull#again no hate to Jodie or anyone on the crew#especially segan - he wrote some beautiful music that they barely every used properly#I’m just glad that the show makes me feel like this again#doctor who#spoilers
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