#but i just feel empty
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man i really hope the english government is so desperate to be transphobic it tears the united kingdom apart. let that be what this tory govt is remembered for
#i mean yknow alongside the incomprehensible swathe of other disasters theyve presided over#add it to the list.#i'm just... i'm not shocked by the ruling today#but i just feel empty#this is the length they would go to#make an unprecedented move to reduce the scottish govt's power#no words really#i don't know whether i'm shocked about starmer#labour party's kind of all i've got here in england but he's a spineless bastard for this one#and his stance generally on scottish independence#moron#i hope to move eventually to either scotland or germany#not living in this hellhole forever#dibi
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i am . deeply unhappy LOL ^—^
#i am trying to look forward to things i have coming up and Trying to just get out and Do Things#but i just feel empty#haaaaaaaaaaa :)
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"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.
but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)
mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…
the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.
every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.
first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic
which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.
which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.
the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.
walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?
well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.
you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?
it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.
when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.
and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.
kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.
yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.
#dungeon meshi spoilers#mithrun#dungeon meshi#this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme#half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is#someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality#his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though#he says he tried to see the worst in them.#hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on#wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore.#but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once#snakes#long post#severe problems#meshy
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welcome to Natlan!
#genshin impact#mualani#the scenery is beautiful in natlan#i just wish there were more chests/puzzles#like it feels so empty? idk why#but i love the music
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I love the pale garden and how it's like a parallel to dark forests. I love how the two divert expectations.
Dark forests, despite their name, are saturated and full of life. Even compared to regular forests, there's a lot more biodiversity than many of the "basic" biomes. There's three whole different trees found there, giant mushrooms, and plenty of flowers. They're one of the biomes capable of spawning a lush cave underneath it. It has its dangers just like any other overworld biome, obviously, but it's nothing overly more than anywhere else. Traversing it can be tricky sometimes and illagers may take residence in the biome's woodland mansions, but it's ultimately a very colorful and lively environment.
Opposing it is the new pale garden. Usually white and light colors are seen as pristine and good, but the pale garden takes it the opposite direction and goes right into uncanny valley territory. It has none of the color of dark forests, none of the biodiversity, none of the liveliness. It has trees and moss that look familiar, but something is off. It has a signature mob, but even the creaking is just a puppet of the trees, not really sentient, not really even plotting against anything. There's "life", but, once again, it's wrong.
I think the pale garden is a wonderful addition to Minecraft's world building as it is, but the deliberate parallel to dark forests? Delicious.
#minecraft#mineblr#minecraft live#minecraft live spoilers#<<(just in case!)#I've seen some people saying the pale garden is lazy or too modded looking but there honestly looks like so much thought went into it#Reblogged a post before this where the person mentioned how it almost feels like a callback to the emptiness of early versions of the game#Which I think is a wonderful observation because it does encapsulate that stillness that's not quite foreboding but still very noticeable#Another parallel to be found could be between the pale garden and the deep dark#Which could be a whole post on its own lmao#But there's so much depth and parallels in this drop that are relatively easy to overlook at first but once noticed are so intriguing imo#Lore enthusiasts are eating GOOD
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pvp civ nation...... this aint much but pls take my contribution for this series bc im going insane i love hate this man so much get him out of my head
#senart#pvp civilization#pvp civ#I'LL MAKE A PROPER ONE I SWEARR I JUST NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MYSYSTEM FIRST#if it turns out he gets a bad ending in ep 6 i dont think i'll be ok like#he deserves a good ending . or a villain arc at least. he deserves to go batshit crazy after how everyone treated him#ALSOO the chekovs gun video journal device thing?? The excessive 4th wall breaking?#Is it just me or does jt feel like evbo is gonna lose his memory/already lost his memory and was sent to the wood sword lvl with tabi#or like . Idk?? It feels kind of truman show ish. Well maybe not that but its just the vibe im getting w the way that everyone has their-#-own secrets. How the diamond swords seems to know who evbo n tabi is. How princezam knows about the diamond swords#and then theres also parrot whos just?? Weird overall?? Idk whats going on w him but i need to know his backstory wdym u think evbo will-#-hate you if he knows what you did??#ANYWAY BACK TO THE VIDEO JOURNAL AND POTENTIAL MEMORY LOSS.#I dont want jt to go that way (mostly bc i dont want to see evbo suffer more than he already did) but it rlly does seem like its heading to#that direction w the way that it also has become a way to narrate what he went through (ie when the ep shows his attempts to beat the-#gold sword lvl but hes narrating it from the future. from his video journal. where he already beat the lvl)#im going insane#Wait also what i meant by the truman show vibe in relation to the excessive 4th wall breaks it makes it sound like pvp civ is just a -#simulation#wait i just remembered its the matrix not that mb umm#anyways.#empty chattering
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an ageless, plastic poem
#art#chara#undertale#chara dreemurr#i'm pretty sleepy writing this#been quite shit at painting lately#ermm... maybe i always have been#no that's just art block talking#that lyric is from a mason proper song by the way#absolute banger#this came out feeling really empty#that worked out well
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Been planning on doing woven tapestries in the future and I’m trying to settle on a few designs I think would translate well. Would yall fuck with these as tapestries? Or does something else catch your eye
#and these are expensive as fuck so I can only do a few designs#any feedback welcomed!!#I could do the flying salmon one but idk how well that one would translate#I also feel like for the top one and the bad dog hands I’d have to add some border embellishments or something#otherwise it would just feel too empty#postings
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i wonder if @somerandomdudelmao will touch upon the unique connection the donnies have with the kraang? hehehe
cass, think of the angst potential 🙏
i didn't mean to continue with the "twin senses active across space and time" bit, but i thought with the leos in the future, this would be a good chance for the donnies to talk and bond, but it gets derailed when they compared their kraang encounters and everyone's screaming and no one's happy
#tmnt#rottmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#my art#cass apocalyptic series#cass fanart tag#rise of the turtles#rise of the tmnt#uncle tello#future leo#future donnie#rise disaster twins#i wanted to add an image of the leos fighting some krang with head empty eyes#just whapping some krang critters#but it was getting late and i was feeling eepy#i feel asleep after writing a note to myself for a f!mikey and little mikey comic idea#i want all the counterparts to have moments together uwu#the leos are so silly#i love them your honor
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there is nothing quite like trying your hardest to love someone, only to meet them in person for the first time and experience the dawning realisation over the course of several days that they make no effort to love you back.
#it is so so hard not to immediately hate them#we're meant to be partners#and i have been trying so hard to make sure they're happy and fed and cared for#and they can't even hold my hand#they won't ask me how i am they won't suggest doing things together#ALL the effort is coming from me#and i've tried to have an actual conversation with them about it and nothing happened#i told them explicitly that i can NOT reach out to someone who does not reach back#i wish i was sad that they're leaving#but i just feel empty#personal
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i don't like the growing opinion that people are being 'too hard' on deku for his failing to save shigaraki.
i've seen quite a few people complaining that a lot of the bnha-critical crowd are being too mean to deku for getting tomura killed, arguing that it isn't really his fault, and that hes a 16 year old child soldier who's been failed by almost every adult in his life, why should we be putting all of this on his shoulders? hes just a kid after all?
and the truth is, they're right. deku IS a 16 year old boy whos had the fate of the world thrust on his shoulders. but the story itself just plainly refuses to acknowledge this.
the narrative doesn't acknowledge how fucked up having a school that trains literal children how to be combo cop-celebrities is. it only tentatively acknowledges the fact that a universe having combo cop-celebrities is fucked up, and even then the only people who ever point this out are antagonists, who are portrayed and treated in-universe as untrustworthy. the narrative doesn't care how fucked up dekus circumstances are. the narrative treats deku like hes a fucking messiah here to touch the hearts of the evil depressed villains with his magical empathetic heart of gold before they get blown up or just sent to fucking superhell for daring to challenge the status quote.
deku isn't a person. he's barely even a fucking character at this point. he's a plot device, and a mouth piece for the objectively shitty themes bnha is trying to spout. the themes that tell you that if you're mistreated by society and want to do something about it, you're a villain. that disrupting the status quote and refusing to repent to some random teenage boy spouting empty platitudes at you means you deserve to get sent to fucking superhell. the themes that portray people fighting for civil change as mass murdering supervillains. the themes that look the audience dead in the eye and can call deku the greatest hero to ever live.
deku, who barely spared a second thought to lady nagant telling him the truth about the hero commission. who spouts meaningless platitudes about heroism and morality at nagant, and aoyama, and toga and shigaraki, when even the thought that he should question the world around him comes up. who's constantly talked about as this truly kind, empathetic person, but hasn't spared an empathetic thought to literally anyone who is classified as a villain. who listened to every authority figure around him except the ones who asked him to question his worldview. who saw la bravas tears, shigarakis various breakdowns, himikos plead for understanding, chisakis catatonic state, lady nagants truth, and barley batted a fucking eye. deku, who killed tomura shigaraki.
people don't criticize deku for failing shigaraki because they just hate deku. people criticize deku because of what he represents. because hes a mouthpiece for the atrocious morals and themes of this ideologically rotten manga. because any character he had was chopped up to bits in favor of the incomplete husk we have now. people criticize deku because hes the main character of my hero academia. theres nothing more damning then that.
#my post#bnha#bnha critical#izuku midoriya#midoriya izuku#sorry if this sounds really angry. i mean i am very angry at bnha for being such a nothing burger of empty platitudes and wasted potential#but like. that was extremely predictable#bnha wanted to be more than it was willing to put effort into being and so now its just. worthless#so this is just kinda a vent on all my angry feelings abt dekus failure as a character and a protagonist#tomura shigaraki#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#mha critical#my hero acedamia critical#boku no hero acedamia critical#deku#bnha meta#i mean techinally#mha#mha meta#bnha manga spoilers#bnha manga#long post#well longish
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why did wilson feel the need to go gender neutral when talking about the homewrecker he cheated with that made him fall out of marriage? why did house feel the need to describe his ex-bandmate with “if he was a woman i would have married him” ? why did they both say “you’d be surprised with what you can live with?”
There is no closet there are only two men afraid of changing the dynamics of the good thing they already have
#shioshpam#do i bother#house md#hilson#guess i bother#i feel so sick. neither of them are oblivious#they just chose to convince themselves that the nourishment they receive from each other is enough#there could be greater sustenance if acted upon. But they fool themselves into being contented with what little they receive#they would rather remain half empty for the rest of their lives if it means they can always be half full
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i need to cockwarm in a dom way. sat on a butch’s lap with their dick buried to the hilt inside me. tracing my nails up and down their neck, digging into their skin at random, just enjoying myself and how delicious it feels to be so full and warm. my very favorite feeling is this: not being railed, but the top holding still inside me, and now i get to hold them still as long as i want. hours. i’m getting so wet that we can both hear it at my slightest movement. my captive butch is sweating, breathing hard, having to fight their natural instinct to flip me onto my back and rut into me fast. i won’t even let them thrust from underneath. i smile when they whine. tell them “hold still” in the tone you’d use on an overexcited puppy. cooing praise, “good boy,” as i grind down hard, throw my head back and moan about how good they feel. they’re panting now, begging me to let them loose, let them fuck me. but i’m enjoying this too much, using them like a suction cup dildo. i love feeling the tremble in their muscles, the tightness in their clenched jaw, ripples of energy barely held back. i know it’s torture for them. that’s what makes it so fun
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11:49, december 2, 2019
#you know that feeling when you get hit with a wave of nostalgia so extreme that it makes you physically nauseous haha. no?#this moment i think was perhaps the number one time in my life when i felt most at peace#i was walking home from the art studio after working on my thesis project for 12 straight hours#and the streets were empty and everything was so quiet#but i could still see the warm lights from people's homes reflecting off the fresh snow#it literally makes me cry just remembering it#simple joys#illustration#original art#artists on tumblr
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Personal headcanon with tears being related to Time craft since it's a symbol of emotion anyways here's a Time craft Siffrin for a silly au idea I have in mind
#art#arthcore art#artwork#digital art#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isat loop#loop#two hats spoilers#2hats spoilers#erm.#I didn't need to tag loop since this is just sif but the star symbols r kinda spoilies so like yaknow#basically au premise is that Siff wishes to be able to stop the timeloop and the way this wish works is that they make him all time crafty#now he's like time embodiment madoka magica style yknow#also an excuse for main character mirabelle and the whole gang having to deal with this strange emptiness they're feeling#teehee
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DISCO ELYSIUM - LOCATIONS
#i feel like the maps look a lot freakier when you view them in full empty space included so. posting them here#sorry for putting ev first. truth is i just want to see that thing in my notes preview#wait why is capeside apartments lowkey phallic. ignore that#also. second time im abusing tumblr image limits in the name of this game sorry guys#disco elysium#long post
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