#but i have zero expectation he loves making us cry

[dreamlogic]

aye can i get a fuckin uuuhhhh

break. on my burger

[skteezcursed]

❝little bears and tiny stars❞ — c.jh (event).

PAIRING. choi jongho x afab!reader.

GENDER AND WARNINGS. smut. childhood friends to strangers to friends to lovers. kinda second chance. soulmate au. the boys playing cupid. alcohol consumption. the sfw parts are partially self indulgent. swearing. lots of mutual pining. idiots in love. jongho is an idiot (in the best of senses). mature talk (?). fluff. a bit of angst. soft sex. body worshiping. cunnilingus. unprotected sex (please don't!). pull out method. fingering. jongho is the sweetest (even too much). pet names (star for reader, bear for jongho). praises. pleasure dom! jongho. sub! reader. lots and lots of kisses. not proof read. (let me know if i forgot something).

SYNOPSIS. you were a sensitive topic, everyone knew. so when san brings your name to the table after years you and jongho drew apart, he knew something was up, he just didn't know how deep he'd dig himself once he spent time with you again. but then again, neither did you. maybe a second chance isn't just for a friendship like relationship.

RATING. R (+18) - MDNI.

WORD COUNT. 16k (sorry).

NOTES. english is not my first language. this is for the secret santa event for @cromernet and this is specially for my sweet dear friend @yourlocaljonghoe , surprise! another jongho fic just how you like it made for me to you (sorry it's a bit longer than expected). idk if you suspected when we talked, i hope no hehe but i do hope you like it, i love you and i'm sorry for the delay, bye ♡.

IMPORTANT. this is a work of fiction, it has zero intent on portraying how any of the people quoted here are in real life.

CREDS. dividers by cafekitsune ♡

“Yah! Choi San, c’mon it’s the time for the Choi Brothers’ song to make us all cry and start this damn karaoke night!” Wooyoung said loudly as soon as San entered the booth with a puzzled look and smile on his lips. “Why you like that?”

“San-ah, c’mon I already selected IU’s ‘Dear Name’, what are you—” Yunho stops watching San with the same curious look that Wooyoung was giving him. “What happened?”

“Jongho-ah!” San calls for his little brother who quickly turns to look at him puzzled, making San smirk a little. “What’s that friend of yours name? The one you were basically joined to the hip until like middle school when they switched schools and you two lost contact?”

Jongho froze for a moment. “Which friend are you talking about?”

“Oh, they were cute! Where are they now?” 

Mingi chimes in trying to see where San was heading, but his eyes were focused on Jongho, the smirk still there noticing how his little brother tried to downplay the whole thing. The others quickly started to notice San had valuable information, and bringing you into the conversation was not without a reason. Seonghwa was quick to join in the teasing.

“Oh I remember them! They were so cute, and how they got all shy when we joined both of them was so adorable,” the boys started to chuckle, some more obvious than others, watching Jongho trying to act as if the subject of you didn’t affect him one bit. “Makes me wonder though, have you truly lost contact with them?”

“Weren’t they like… your ultimate crush but you were too much of a chicken to say something?”

“No, remember, he was set on the fact they had a crush on San, not him.”

Yunho said back to Wooyoung and the guys all laughed at Jongho’s eye roll. “It’s not like that, they—”

“So you finally admit they liked you and you were too much of a chicken?”

Hongjoong chimed in, Yeosang followed after him.

“Are you going to deny you had a crush on them or are you still in denial that they had a crush on you?”

“You people are the worst,” he said, shaking his head before looking back at San, considerably annoyed. “Why are you even bringing them up? It’s been ages and —”

“I think they are here and that they recognized me while I was paying for our time in the karaoke,” San said simply with a small smirk. “I think it doesn’t take a genius to know they’d probably recognize you. I mean… if you still want to be friends with them, of course…”

“They won’t remember me,” Jongho’s words were quick, stern but the boys knew the youngest well enough to know there was a hint of hope in his words. “And how are you sure they remember you? Just because (y/n) had a crush on you—”

“(y/n)!” The boys all celebrated as Jongho said your name before San turned back to Jongho with a knowing smile. “Also, just because you think they had a crush on me, doesn’t mean they did… but let’s play your game, shall we?” The boys chuckled as Jongho kept rolling his eyes as San observed his younger brother. “If, like you said, they remember me because you assume I was their crush… why wouldn’t they remember you who was their best friend for years? Care to explain that logic?”

The other six all observed the exchange with smirks and curious glances. 

“Are we gonna do karaoke or not?” 

“Oh, right, I forgot I asked for a few things, do you mind picking it up with me bro? It will make it easier and faster… unless… you are scared to meet with your lovely crush— I mean… friend, (y/n).”

Jongho rolled his eyes once more at San’s comment and the others snickering. He was terrified of seeing you again after all these years. Would you still remember him? Would you say hello to him? Would you hug him? Would you ignore him? Would you act like you acted with San and kinda show you know each other even if from a distance? Would you—

“He’s a chicken, he won’t do it.”

“Shut up, Mingi. Let’s go and end this, hm?” He headed to the door opening up and looking back at San with the door open who still had a smirk and raised eyebrows. The boys knew how to push Jongho’s buttons, but when it involved you, San was the expert at it. “What you asked?” 

“A few bottles of soju and some snacks… why?” The older Choi said as both brothers headed to the eating area to get everything. San chuckled as he noticed Jongho looking around curiously while trying to remain unseen. “What are you gonna do when they recognize you?”

“Hm?”

“(y/n)... What are you gonna do when they recognize you?”

Jongho scoffed trying to downplay the situation. “Why are you so sure they’ll recognize me? It’s been years, San, it’s not like—”

“Oh, San, hello again,” how long has it been since he heard your voice? It didn’t matter, because the second he heard your voice, he knew he had ever forgotten, nor had his heart, “Jon–Jongho?”

Jongho felt San elbow his side, as the younger Choi raised his head meeting your gaze. He had to hold his jaw tight so it wouldn’t meet the floor. You were just as gorgeous as you were previously, only… more. Your smile widened as you recognized him, you had recognized him, right? He wasn’t imagining things, you—

“I see you got my suggestion…” San’s words woke Jongho up, he felt a stir in his stomach at his brother’s smile towards you, which you nodded with a shy smile of your own, one Jongho had seen many times when San was around. Did you still have a crush on San? “But that’s too little, where are your friends?”

“Oh, they had to leave, we had already used our paid time, and another group had booked the booth so yeah… and I was still hungry, so I decided to come and pick a few things before I leave and—”

“You are leaving?” Jongho said quickly, almost desperately. You looked at him confused and a bit surprised, while San held back a smile and a laugh at his younger brother’s reaction. “I—I mean, we—”

“Why don’t you come with us to our booth? We wouldn’t mind reconnecting with an old friend, if you have nothing better to do, that is.”

You pondered for a moment looking between San and Jongho who was trying to keep his cool after seeing you after all these years. 

“You sure it’s okay if I join in?”

“Yeah, we are still the same group as before, you remember the guys right?” San commented with a small smile, noticing how you noticed Jongho’s nervous behavior. “Look, everyone will be happy to have you around, like the old days when you’d always visit our house and we would all hang out, right?”

It was true, at least in a way. But it had been years now, and Jongho didn’t seem much of a fan of the thought. “Jongho… you okay with that?”

His mind went haywire. 

He never thought he’d hear you call his name ever again.

But here you were, looking at him with your worried eyes and all the feelings he thought he had long forgotten had returned full force.

“Wh-why would you think I’m not okay with that?”

San looked between the two of you with an amused smirk, watching what you would answer back. “Maybe because you are dead quiet and not even meeting my eyes?”

San’s chuckle — which he quickly disguised as a cough — woke Jongho up, at least in a way.

“I— Sorry, it’s just… I’m still processing seeing you after all these years. I didn’t mean to come off as rude or anything of sorts, it's just… It’s been a while…”

“I know, I told San the same thing when we met a few minutes back,” you saw Jongho look at San with a death stare making you chuckle a little noticing San planned this out. “I see… well, if the others don’t mind me joining in, I don’t mind it either so—”

“Good, Jongho will show you back to the booth while I take a few of the drinks and snacks and the employee helps me bring the rest.”

The look on Jongho’s eyes was confirmation that San had planned this all out. You didn’t truly believe San when he said they were all there, that he remembered you, or that Jongho was there and would be happy to see you. San was still the same guy as before, making ways for you and Jongho to always be close to each other, and you were positive that San realized you still harbored feelings for his younger brother from the small look he send your way as Jongho lead you back to the booth that the other six were too. 

As soon as you entered, the booth exploded with voices, each of the boys coming to you and hugging you. Jongho was quick to take your food and drink away so you could hug the other six guys as he took a seat in the corner observing everything while trying to calm his racing heart. You were even more beautiful than before, how was that even possible?

Your childhood features were almost gone, but you still held that same aura you always had. Kind, loving, sweet. Your smile was still the same, your eyes squinting as you laughed at something the boys had said, the way you hugged each and everyone, the way you looked at everyone as if they were the only people in the room, but it was when your eyes met his and you gave him his smile, the smiled that was reserved only to him, was when he realized he was fucked. Royally fucked. 

He had never gotten over you.

He had never forgotten you.

And here you were again, making his heart race at your mere presence.

As soon as the door opened and San entered with one of the employees, your shy demeanor came back and Jongho’s heart almost broke. It was the same reaction you always had around San. Did your crush on his older brother remain? You acted normal with the others, and yet with San… You acted all shy and cute…

Jongho knew San always got the most attention, the most girls, the best grades, he was just that good. But you always saw Jongho, he was never in San’s shadow… Until middle school, when you started to change around San, when his brother started to give you more attention. Of course he would, you had changed, you were getting prettier, you were catching people’s attention, of course his brother would see you.

He was never afraid of losing you to San, not until that time. 

It didn’t matter if San or the others said you didn’t see any of them like that. 

Jongho knew you thought they were handsome, he heard you deny other girls trying to get to San through you, why would you deny that if you weren’t interested in his brother? 

“You still have the same face and ticks when you are thinking you know?” Your voice brought Jongho back to the reality of the situation. They weren’t in middle school anymore, they were all in university, in a karaoke booth celebrating the end of midterms. His eyes met your soft smile as you took a seat beside him. “I told San not to do any of this, but… You know your brother he—”

“Will do whatever he wants—”

“Thinks it’s right,” you cut Jongho after he cutted you. You knew the Choi brothers had a good relationship, but you also knew Jongho hated being in San's shadow and hated how San was good at everything on a first try, how he could get away with pretty much everything. “Guess he’s not right about everything, then…”

The way your voice broke was the same sound of Jongho’s heart breaking. As you started to get up, he held your wrist, firmly but gently. “Sorry, I just… It’s been so long and… I hate how he—”

“Cornered you, I know,” you chuckle softly sitting back beside Jongho, smiling even more as you finally see a smile from him towards you. “I told him not to do it, but he also said you wouldn’t come out and talk to me on your own, but that you’d be happy to see me… So far only one of the things is not adding up…”

“It’s not that I’m not happy to see you, it’s just…”

“It’s been too long, yes. And we both changed and maybe we did end things a bit rushed and lost contact when I had to move to live with my father after my parents divorced, but now I’m here, I’m back in the same city as you, a lot changed, I changed, you changed… but… when I realized we were in the same city, that you two were here and going to same university I was… I kinda wished to reconnect with you again. You were my best friend, bear.”

“Hey, don’t do that! That’s a low blow and you know it!” He chuckled as you shrugged with a smirk on your lips, making his heart melt a little. You were right, everything was different and maybe he was looking too much into things, maybe his inner child was stopping him from doing everything, scared of losing you again in more ways than one. “I’m sorry, okay? Can we start again?”

“Can you get up and give me a hug?”

Without a second thought he got up from his seat, you followed quickly behind and hugged him by the neck while his arms went around your waist pulling you flushed against him as he hid his face on the crook of your neck. God he missed this. It was like his heart was mending in a way he never thought it had been broken, just by being like this with you. 

“I missed you, my little star.”

He whispered back into your ear, making you smile and kiss his temple tenderly, “I missed you, my baby bear.”

The other seven were ‘secretly’ observing everything, while opening the snacks and drinks. San had a knowing smile on his lips as he observed your and Jongho’s interaction. He knew you two liked each other, he had found out you liked his little brother while surprising you one day, catching you writing yours and Jongho’s initials on a piece of paper, he was the only one that knew your secret. While with Jongho, he caught a song lyric his baby brother had written that had the nickname he used only with you, your name written down in a corner with a small heart and a date. 

San had always tried to make you two end up together, he knew you two belong together. Like two peas in a pod. He just had to make sure the two of you realized that.

“Why are girls so hard to figure out?” San whined as he, Jongho and Yeosang were walking in the music building.

“Are you saying that… you are having girl problems?” Yeosang laughed as he saw San roll his eyes, Jongho chimed in shaking his head. “What? She’s not giving you the attention you want?”

“She’s not fawning over you as if you were a Greek God like most girls?”

“Shut up you two!” Both boys were pushed by San, but he kept a small smile on his lips. As his eyes focused on Jongho once more, an idea formed in his mind. All the boys knew that you and Jongho had gotten considerably close, almost as close as you were when you two were younger, but there was still a barrier, that they were certain it was mostly on Jongho’s side. “You should help your brother, why don’t you ask (y/n) about it? How to catch a girl’s attention? I tried everything… I sent flowers, I sent her chocolate, I got a few things I heard she liked, and she keeps dismissing me and just thanking me and not properly talking to me…”

“Why you think (y/n) will know? Are they friends or something?”

“It would definitely help if they are… maybe you can even go on double dates,” Yeosang laughed as San looked amused by the idea while Jongho seemed to dread it. “That’s something I’d pay to see, it would be fun.”

“Say for yourself…”

“Yah! You should help your brother, not make my life difficult…”

“Because you help make my life easier?”

San nodded as if offended that Jongho would think like that. “What do you think I’ve been trying to do for the past few weeks?” Yeosang kept quiet observing, he and the others promised San not to tell Jongho he was secretly trying to get his baby brother and you to see you belong together, and yet apparently nothing was working, specially on Jongho’s end. He would always make excuses. “You know… You should put yourself out there, I’m getting tired of your grumpy ass, I thought once you get close with (y/n) once more you’d be more yourself… Why you holding back so much?”

“San is right you know?” Yeosang chimed in as both saw Jongho rolling his eyes ready to protest San’s statement. “You two were best friends, but you barely talk to her, only when you two bump with each other, you make excuses not to see them, but when you two are together you are the happiest… What’s up with that?”

“I’m not avoiding them…”

“Keep lying to yourself,” San said, a bit annoyed that Jongho kept denying. “Crap, I have to go, promised Yunho I’d go by the choreography with him, see you guys later and Jongho… Get it together man, you missed them a lot, you finally have them back, don’t push them away from being a dick.”

“Yah! I’m not—” he didn’t have time to protest as San ran towards the dancing building, “not being a dick…”

“Yeah you are…,” Yeosang said plain and simple, making Jongho curse and look at the older friend annoyed. “Are you scared you’ll fall for them all over again?”

“...Maybe,” begrudgingly Jongho admitted, looking down to his feet as the two of them kept walking. Yeosang was his closest friend from the friend group, he could trust him, right? “They are just… It’s like nothing changed but so much has changed! And they got even prettier, it’s like torture to my heart whenever I’m with them. And then you and the others chime in and they become this shy thing that’s so adorable but also… Why are they becoming shy? You really want me to believe they don’t have a crush on any of you?”

“They don’t.” Yeosang said firmly, with such certainty that made Jongho stop and look at him a bit taken aback. “They don’t like us like that. They like us as friends, they get shy because we are not that close, because they don’t want to intrude, because they say we are your friends.”

“But with San—”

“San is a tease,” once again Yeosang cut Jongho, “he is a tease and he know how to push (y/n)’s buttons, but he just wants them to get comfortable, and for the two of you to stop being so stiffen with each other… He’s the one that knows them best after you, but they don’t like San, they never did. It doesn’t matter what you think or want to believe, they don’t like San, they never did…”

“So why do they always cut girls that come to them to get with San?”

“Wouldn’t you stop people wanting to get friendly with you to get with a friend?” Jongho thought for a second. “(y/n) is a shy and private person, they always were, they have few and close friends, and they know how San and you get annoyed by all the girls trying to get his attention, they value yours and his friendship more than anything… I know that because I saw them doing it and asked about it a few days back.”

“Okay, but—” Jongho is stopped by a ping on his phone, which he quickly picks up with a text from you. “They… texted me…”

“What do they want?”

you: hey, jjong! you on campus? if yes, which building?

jjong 🐻: yeah, i’m on campus. music building, why?

you: oh, you in class? sorry, forget it! 

jjong 🐻: no no no! you good! jjong 🐻: what do you need? i’m not in class.

you: it’s nothing important, i just forgot my water bottle in class. you: i can go search for it after i’m done at the library, i don’t wanna bother you.

“Go get their water bottle.”

“What? Why–”

“Jongho, they texted you to get a water bottle… that means they want you to get that bottle and bring it to them. Get. The. Water. Bottle.” Yeosang said quickly. “Stop overthinking, be you around them. They keep apologizing for disturbing you because you are avoiding them whenever you can. They are your best friend, get it together!”

“It’s not that simple, Yeo—”

“Because you still like them.” Jongho kept quiet, not denying it, but not confirming. “Do you want to lose them again?”

“The fuck? Of course not! I just got them back!”

“Then start acting like you actually want to be around them, because as of now you are losing them all over again, and this time will be totally your fault. Tell them you’ll get the water bottle and will bring it to the library, and start acting like their best friend. Things changed, yes, but they haven’t! Me and the guys have seen you two together, it’s like a damn time travel tunnel. So stop overthinking or you’ll lose them.”

Yeosang kept looking sternly to Jongho who sighed knowing his best friend was right.

“Sometimes I hate you.”

“Only when you know I’m right.”

Both laughed as Jongho typed back to you:

jjong 🐻: which room is it? is it that galaxy water bottle you’ve been obsessed with?

you: hey! don’t call me out for being obsessed about something! you: … but yes, it’s that one. you: class is 157 in block C of the Lit building, thank you, bear! 🤎

jjong 🐻: be there in a bit.  jjong 🐻: you at the library right? the one in the Lit building?

you: yeah, you’ll see me at the tables, i have this paper due to the end of the week.

jjong 🐻: got it, don’t worry, i’ll get your bottle. see you in a bit star 💛

A small smile formed on your lips as Jongho said he’d pick the water bottle and bring it back to you at the library, your heart racing momentarily at the thought of seeing him once more. The knowing smile on San’s lips and the other boys whenever you and Jongho were together kept popping in your mind, were you being obvious? San was the only one that knew about your crush, but now apparently all the other six knew it too… except Jongho. You didn’t know if you were grateful for it or not.

In all honesty, you thought he did considering how weird he’d act on occasion with you, even if he agreed to reconnect and being friends again, sometimes you thought he was avoiding you, so when he agreed to pick your water bottle you were more than happy, that meant he wasn’t fully avoiding you, right? The phone was put face down at the table as you shook your head trying to focus on the things you needed for your paper — that was pretty much done, luckily. 

“Hey, star,” Jongho’s voice woke you up after a while, your water bottle on his hands as a small smile appeared on his lips as he placed the bottle at the table. “Guess this belongs to you.”

"Oh, hey Jjong," You smiled softly at him, your eyes falling on your water bottle before going back to his face as you tried to keep your heart rate balanced. "Thank you for picking the bottle, I'm sorry if I troubled you, and I do owe you, you saved my day tomorrow from having to stay on the Lost & Found hoping to find it"

Jongho’s heart fluttered as he saw your smile. You were so effortlessly beautiful it was painful. Warmth spread across his chest as you thanked him, apologizing for disturbing him, making him realize Yeosang was probably right… He was being an ass and you were probably weary around him. He decided to push his worries away and act like himself around you regardless. He preferred having you smiling at him, close to him, allowing him to smell your perfume, to touch your skin, even if platonically then to lose you again. 

He never wanted to lose you.

Never again.

“No need to apologize, it was no trouble at all. I was in the Music building for a project, and the building is not that far away from the Lit one, and I could use a bit of cardio you know?” Both chuckled and he felt his chest flutter at the sound of your sweet laugh. He looked around noticing you were alone at the table as you stretched your hand to get the bottle. He pointed down to your notes, eyeing both notes and books spread around the table. “Are you… studying alone?”

You nodded, picking your water bottle. “Ah, yeah… My study partner had an emergency call in another project and bolted,” you chuckled softly before looking at your water bottle with a small pout. “Oh… maybe I should fill this up, forgot it’s pretty much empty…”

Jongho chuckled at your words glancing down at the water bottle, his gaze softening as he noticed your pout as he extended his hand grabbing the bottle back. “Don’t worry, I’ll fill it up for you.”

“You sure you don’t mind? You already had the trouble to bring it to me here… I don’t want to abuse your good will or anything,” you said genuinely worried although there was a hint of joke in your words. 

His heart skipped a bit, amused by your concern. You have always been sweet and considerate, worried about what everyone thought, wanting everyone to be comfortable, even if at your expense, which was something he noticed that never changed even after all these years. He waved his hand dismissively, shaking his head and grabbing the bottle back. “It’s not abuse, I don’t mind doing it at all. I’ll be right back.”

Jongho got to the water fountain quickly, filling the water bottle and watching the water fill it in a smooth stream. As he waited for it to fill, his mind was buzzing with thoughts. He was alone with you. You were studying alone, and he had an almost perfect opportunity to spend some more time with you. He had an almost perfect opportunity to just talk and spend time with you, like he’d been missing for such a long time. Finally, the water bottle filled, and he began to head back over to you, a little nervous but eager nonetheless.

Soon, he made it back to the table, bottle in hand, and sat down in the empty chair beside you, setting the refilled water bottle in front of you. “There you go, all refilled and good to go,” he said with a smile, hoping that you wouldn’t mind how he sat in the empty seat. A soft smile on his lips as he watched you, his eyes lingering on your lips for a moment.

"Thanks Jjong, guess you still are the gentleman I knew you were," you jokingly teased him, taking a sip of the water before reorganizing a few things to give him more space to stay there.

A small chuckle left his lips at your words, finding it slightly endearing that you’d joked with him. He smiled as you moved a few things around so that he had more room. It was almost like an invitation for him to stay longer, and he was certainly not going to turn it down. His smile grew wider at the thought that maybe you wanted him to stick around as much as he did. You were never to voice your wishes, it was always subtle, like moving your things to make space for someone.

A small streak of confidence hit him, pushing a bit of the overthinking away. His back hitting the back rest of the chair as he kept observing you going over the texts and notes. “So… what are you studying? Can I stay here and make you company or will I distract you?”

Distract, for sure, you said in your mind, as you turned smiling softly at Jongho, deciding to play it off. “Why? You planning on distracting me?”

Jongho felt a bit shy, but laughed it off shaking his head a little. “Okay, fair… But why you studying here? You liked studying in your room…”

“True, but… I’m living in the dorms, and it’s always so loud there, you know me and noises don’t go well together, so here is the second best place,” you shrugged looking back at the books’ spine to pick the information you needed to put on the bibliography of your paper. 

A small nod was given by Jongho, he knew you were easily distracted and annoyed by constant noises, he could barely hold a small nostalgic smile as his mind reminded him of all the times you two studied together during school. You were so distracted by your assignment that you barely noticed him leaning his chin on his hand as he observed you. Barely, being the key word, as you turned your head to the side trying to hide your tinted pink cheeks from his intense gaze. 

A small thought reaching Jongho’s mind at that memory, making him lazily pick a pen and twist it on his fingers, trying to act casual. “Don’t you get lonely studying alone? I remember you always liked to study together… Maybe we can pick up on that once more… If you want, of course.”

Your head tilted back to look at Jongho with a small smirk. “Are you offering to have your place as my study partner back, Choi Jongho?”

A light blush crept on Jongho’s face as you looked back at him with a small smirk. He chuckled lightly, heart racing as he kept the pen twirling on his fingers, even if it faltered a little, falling back at the table making him sheepishly scratch the back of his head and pretended it wasn’t him, when a lot of people looked over to see from where the sound came from. A muffled chuckle coming out from you, making him even more shy as he pondered how to best answer you.

“I mean… If you want me, I’d be happy to keep you company… you know… like we used to do in school…”

“And where would that happen? I’ve never seen you in the library before…”

He tilted his head a little. “That’s because I prefer my room, or the music room, for acoustics and all, you know.”

“Are you staying in a dorm too, or are you sharing a house with San and the others?” 

“Oh, no, we are all at the dorms, it’s easier, a house would be too expensive…” he scratched the back of his head once more pondering a question. “So… which dorm are you in?”

“Halazia dorm, you?”

His eyes widened, you were in the Halazia dorm? “Same, I-I mean… Halazia dorm,” he chuckled as your eyes also widened along with your mouth opening, surprised. “Ah… which floor are you on?”

“Seventh, you?”

“Which room?”

“1027…”

“1035,” he said quickly, smiling at you, realizing not only you two were in the same dorm, the same floor, but your doors were across each other. “Yeosang, San and Mingi are on this floor as well… If you ever hear any of the parties, it is definitely Mingi’s room, likely.”

You laughed at the thought, feeling nervous that you were living across from each other but never actually seen each other after all the time you’ve been in uni. “Well… that explains the amount of ‘walks of shame’ I see on that floor on a daily basis. Should I expect someone doing the ‘walk of shame’ from your bedroom too?”

“Why? Will you patronize me if it ever happens?”

You pretended to ponder for a bit, trying to hide the small pang on your chest at his words. Jongho was single, good looking, smart, with the voice of an angel, polite, respectful, a gentleman… Of course he’d have girls after him and bring some to his room, you couldn’t be mad at him for it. Even if your heart broke at the thought and image in your mind. “Why would I? You are an adult, single, good looking, you can have sex with whoever you want…”

“I mean… true, but I thought… I don’t know…” He turned sheepish as a thought came to his mind. “Should I wait for someone doing the ‘walk of shame’ out of your room?”

Your eyes widened a little, blush creeping on your cheeks as you avoided Jongho’s stare. 

“I… don’t really mess around, I prefer a serious thing over one night stand, so… not on my end.”

“Good,” he said before he could hold back, making you blush even more, a small smile appearing on his lips as he noticed the reaction he had on you. “I mean… Good because you know what you want, you know? And… I’m like that too, one night stands aren’t really my thing, I prefer a connection, someone I can be comfortable with, that will see me for me and stick around, you know?”

Your eyes met his, a secret shared between both stares but apparently the message could never reach each other. Even if both could see the care and longing in the other's eyes, the main sentiment was lost in the middle. Your stomach bursted with butterflies from the way Jongho was looking at you, while his confidence grew a little as he saw his words affected you. Maybe, just maybe… you saw him as more? Should he take a leap of faith?

“I–I should put these books back, it’s getting late…,” you said, picking your phone to check the time, seeing it was already early at night. Ignoring Jongho’s eyes while trying to calm your heart rate, you got up fixing the books.

Jongho noticed your reaction, biting his lip for a moment, disappointed for losing the eye contact he had with you. As he watched you rushly pick up the books, an idea popped in his head, making him quickly stand up beside you, stepping closer, his chest almost touching your shoulder. 

“Hey let me help you, it will be faster if I help you…,” swiftly, he took the books from the table, taking it in his arms, your hands brushing slightly against each other momentarily making a shiver run down his spine, his body still inches from yours as he glanced down at the books in his arms. “So… where are these supposed to go?”

“So… these are on those three shelves beside each other, c’mon,” you quickly motioned him to follow you, being careful so he wouldn't trip or hit his shoulder on the shelves. In swift motions you quickly placed all the books, leaving only two behind as you picked them and headed to a far end shelf. “These ones are around here…” 

Jongho was always close behind you, observing and caring for every edge of the shelf that you could possibly get hurt accidentally. As the last shelf came into place, you quickly tiptoed to place one book on an upper shelf, almost losing your balance. “Here, let me.”

Your skin burned under your shirt as you felt Jongho's hand on your back, before he took the book from your hand to place it at the spot you were trying to put, but his hand never left your body, moving from your back to your waist. Your head felt heavy and light at the same time, you could feel his perfume filling your lungs, you could feel his firm but gentle hand against your skin — even through the clothes.

As he looked back at you, you came back to your reality trying to find the spot for the last book on your hand, as you moved a little to place in a lower shelf, ignoring how the fact of Jongho's hand keep lingering on your body made you feel like you were on fire. “Okay, this is the last one, we should—,” you lost your balance as you turned quickly to head back to the tables, Jongho’s hands quickly going to your waits steadying you, your hand moved to his bicep, squeezing it lightly as you felt his hands squeezing your waist back. You two were close, closer than ever in a long time. “We— ah… We should go back to the dorms, it's getting late."

Cold, that's all you felt as you pushed yourself away from Jongho heading back to the table to get your things. As he saw you moving back to the table, he woke up from his epiphany, close behind you. “Yeah, you’re right it is getting late… we should head back…” He followed you close by, watching as you walked back to the table to gather your things and not forgetting the water bottle this time around, heading to open the door for you to exit the library, as he calmed his racing heart. 

“Jongho being a gentleman? What happened? Did the talk do something to you?” You joked walking past him with a light chuckle, watching as he closed the door, walking beside you bumping you with his shoulder with a smirk on his lips.

“Hey, I’m always a gentleman with you! Always been and always will be.”

“True… Your father always made sure you and San were raised to be gentlemen… Guess all the scolding paid off, since you two have girls fawning over the both of you all over university,” you tried your best to act nonchalant as you two kept walking, your eyes focused on the ground as a memory popped up in your mind, making you smile. “Remember what your father used to say: men are supposed to be warriors for the women who are their princesses." You smiled fondly. "Your house was the only place I felt like a princess, and beside you as well when we were younger…"

At your words, memories quickly flooded his own mind, of you being in his house, always pampered and protected by his parents, and even San when it was just the three of you playing in the house. His eyes darted to you with fondness as you remembered the times you went to his house, the soft smile on your lips, the nostalgic look in your eyes. He wanted to hug you so badly right now, he wished he had cherished that first hug you two have after seeing each other. His head hangs low with a small chuckle.

“Yeah, I remember dad saying that a lot… and I guess it kinda stuck with me, especially the princess part,” he admitted, taking a few steps closer to you before speaking once more. “You were always a princess in my eyes though… and I still think you are… forever my little princess, my little star.” For a moment your mind went blank. Did he really just tell you that? In that tone? Did he not have an idea of how much that affected you? Of course he didn't, you never told him and you threatened San if he ever told Jongho you liked him. A small smirk appeared on Jongho’s lips as he saw your bashful expression. His voice dropped an octave as he leaned closer to you, in a slight teasing way. “You know, you may not believe me when I say you are my forever princess, but I can tell you are getting flustered…”

“Shut up,” you pushed him away from you, but barely had an effect, but Jongho amused you still, going a bit away from you. “It’s not that I don't believe you, I'm just not used to compliments, you know that.”

“Okay, right, sorry,” he apologized quickly, deciding to take a risk and take your hand in his, halting your movements, making you eye him curiously. A simple smile was all he gave you before getting closer to you. Both doing their best to ignore the tension between you two, the electric charge that ran through your bodies, how right it felt to have your hands intertwined again. “Can I have a hug?” 

Your gaze softened as your heart tightened in your chest. If you thought too much you knew you'd find thousands of reasons not to do it. But it was your Jongho, your Jjong, your baby bear… And you couldn't say no to him, not when he looked at you like you were the only thing that mattered in this world. Without much thought you hugged him close, your arms around his shoulders, your lips on his shoulder as you cherished the feeling of Jongho's body against yours.

On the other hand, Jongho took a while to react, not really expecting you to hug him, but as soon as you pressed him against you, it was like muscle memory… His body relaxing in your embrace, his arms wrapping around you, pulling you close to him as he buried his face against the crook of your neck, breathing in your scent. Your shampoo was different, the perfume was too, but your real scent was still there, faintly mixed with the others, but his mind captured quickly. 

“I forgot how good your hugs feel…” 

“They are still yours to have,” you spoke softly against his shoulder, almost like a secret, feeling his arms tightening around your waist.

“I missed having them… I missed having you.” Jongho held you even tighter, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the feeling of your body against his, of having you in his arms after all these years, it was like time stopped for a moment, as if nothing had changed, all those years didn't pass by. If he tried really hard, he could probably hear your heart beat. “Have I… have I changed too much?”

“In what sense?” You pondered quietly while still hugging him. “Everyone changes Jjong, it is part of maturing… but if you are asking if I still see you as Jongho from when we were kids… I do still see him, even if masked by this man you've become.”

Jongho smiled, feeling a wave of relief wash over him as he heard you say that you could still the old him, it meant a lot, considering how much he was pushing you away until now, until he realized he needed you close, he needed you as a best friend, he wanted you forever with him.

“I don't know… I think I was scared you think I did, considering how I've been acting, and the guys keep saying I changed through the years… I just wanted you to still like me? It's stupid I know—”

“It's not,” you cut him off, “it's not stupid, and yeah you've changed, everyone does, it's what's expected at least,” you chuckled once more cupping his face, caressing his cheeks softly. “It's not because you changed that I'll see you differently, I can see my little bear still there.” 

A smile formed on his lips, touched by your words. He knew he changed, and he was scared you wouldn't like him, the much he changed. He had grown more mature — if that was even possible —, he only let his playful side show with the people he trusted, his body changed too, he could now protect you, not that he couldn't before, but now he could do it properly. 

“I think you are one of the few people who know me for real, you know? How I can be shy and introverted, but still playful and—”

“Witty? Sarcastic? Annoying?”

“Hey!, don't pretend you don't like it when I annoy you.”

“Never said I didn't like it, I was just listing your traits, bear,” you laughed walking a bit away from him, but still holding his hand in yours. “Guess that's the childhood friend perk, right?”

Jongho chucked, nodding in agreement, squeezing your hand as he let you guide him through the streets. “Yeah… best friends from childhood perk.”

His gaze kept fixated on you, a mix of affection and contemplation as you kept walking until you saw a convenience store, reminding yourself you should get yourself a few things to eat. “Oh! Jjong, do you mind if we stop? I'm kinda hungry and also needing to buy a few things, it's gonna be quick I promise, but you can go back to the dorms too it's —”

“It's fine, we can buy something to eat, I could use a snack too, lead the way.” 

You smiled at his reassuring one as you headed to the store, letting go of his hand to push the door open and grab a basket to pick a few things. Jongho followed you close behind into the store, staying close by your side as you looked for a quick snack to grab. As you browse the store's food options, Jongho's gaze notices a few guys stealing glances at you, their eyes lingering on you for a bit too long, obviously checking you out. A hint of irritation builds on his stomach as he moves to cover you from their view, that you appear to have never even noticed.

But you did, you were used to it, you were a woman in a man's world, of course you’d be aware of your surroundings and of any guy or group of guys close by, you learned it was best to ignore them, so it came a little as a surprise when you notice Jongho gingerly move to your side, covering you from the view of that group, making your heart flutter a little, but unsure if he was aware or if you should address it, afraid you were looking too much into something that was not it. 

Jongho kept following you through the snack section, his eyes still flickering around the store, observing the guys that were checking you out. He could tell that you hadn't noticed the looks they were giving you, or were you purposefully ignoring them? Either way, he didn't like the way those guys were looking at you. It made him feel protective, and it stirred a possessiveness within him, the mere thought that those guys could approach you for any reason didn’t sit right with him, but he couldn’t tell you that, you just now became close again, he had no right to say anything… right? 

He stayed close to you, positioning himself slightly behind you, as if subtly shielding you from their gazes. As you continued to look for your snacks, Jongho kept an eye on the guys from afar. He could feel his annoyance growing as he watched them stare at you, their gazes almost undressing you with their eyes. He wanted to confront them, to tell them to back off and stop looking at you like that, but he held back, knowing that it wouldn't be a good idea to cause a scene here, and he knew you hated confrontation.

Instead, he took a small step closer to you, his body almost brushing against yours, as if he was subconsciously trying to claim you, to let those guys know that you were off limits, making you look at him curiously. A frown appeared on your face as you noticed his clenched jaw, how close he seemed, but still keeping a respectful distance, how he was mostly shielding you than anything else, the way he was alert to every little thing that wasn’t you. “You okay?”

Jongho quickly snapped out of his thoughts, realizing that you had noticed his closeness and his tense demeanor. He quickly relaxed his expression, forcing himself to act casually as he looked at you. "Yeah, I'm fine."

“You are lying,” you said simply observing him for a moment before grabbing a few more snacks. “Is it because of those guys?”

“Wait, you noticed them?” A simple nod was all you answered. “They have been staring at you since we entered the store, but you… kept acting normally and even came to this section… When did you notice them? Don’t their stares make you uncomfortable?”

“I noticed them when i entered this section, but I was already here, it would probably be suspicious if I moved afterwards. Plus, if I don’t acknowledge them, it’s pretty nill the chance they approach, and I’m with you…They probably think you are my boyfriend or something…”

You tried your best to act nonchalant, but you couldn’t help but wanting to see or hear Jongho’s reaction to you saying they thought he’d be your boyfriend. Would he freak out? Would he act the part? Would he keep acting naturally? Would he make sure he was just a friend? Would he try to play it off as a protective brother?

Jongho felt a pang of protectiveness hearing your nonchalant response. He didn't like the thought of you being used to men ogling you and being harassed. He wanted to tell you that you didn't have to just let it happen, that they should respect you more. In a streak of courage and wanting to comfort you somehow, he took the basket with one of his hands, as the other moved to hold the one that was previously holding the basket, looking at you tenderly. "I just… I don't like seeing them look at you like that. It… it makes me feel like I need to do something…"

"Like what? Fight them? It's pointless and will probably get you in trouble… and me saying something it's useless, men like that only respect other men…,” our words were quiet as you didn’t trust your own voice as you felt Jongho’s hand on yours, deciding to focus on getting the rest of the things you wanted, realizing he had no intend on letting go of your hand.

Not that you were complaining. 

But he knew you were right. Picking a fight with those guys would only cause unnecessary trouble, and he knew that saying something wouldn't make a difference. He just hated the feeling of helplessness, knowing that you had to put up with that kind of behavior. "So what, we just do nothing? We just ignore them staring at you like you're some piece of meat?"

You wanted to laugh, but you simply smiled at him. Your heart is warm and fuzzy in your chest as you hear his words. "You already did," you commented with a small smile looking at him, chuckling when he looked at you confused. "First, you moved to cover me from their gaze, you already did something… and secondly… you are holding my hand, I’m pretty sure no one would be stupid to try anything.” You smiled at him shyly before looking away once more picking a few more random chocolates, just because. 

"Oh... you noticed that, huh?" He chuckled nervously. "I didn't even realize I did it. I guess my protective instincts just kicked in automatically," he observed you once more, how you focused on things you wanted, how you kept holding his hand even after you basically called him out from doing so. That meant you didn’t mind it, right? “Are you… okay with me doing those things?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I? You are my best friend… If I can’t hold your hand from time to time to feel safe, what’s the point?” Jongho was silent for a moment, you were best friends, right… Since childhood, you thought he was just being protective because of that, which was in parts true, except, best friends don’t usually have their whole body aching to touch the other person, or the fluttering in his chest, or the butterflies in his stomach, or— “I’m done, should we go, or you want something else, bear?”

 “Wha— Oh, no, I’m good, you sure you got everything you wanted?” Both your gazes fell on the half full basket, it was mostly sweets with a few salty snacks on the side. 

“I’m sure, let’s go, there’s no one in line,” you quickly smiled at him before turning and heading to the cashier. You noticed as she perked up as she noticed the two of you approaching, noticing how she looked at Jongho, and how her expression fell as she saw the intertwined hands. Was it bad that you were happy that her expression fell? Considering you and Jongho were best friends, probably you should feel bad, but you pushed that thought aside, especially as you felt his hand squeeze yours, holding it to his as you made to pull away. “I kinda need my hand to pay, you know?”

The sound of the cashier passing the items filled your ears, but it quickly turned muffled as you looked back at Jongho, finding him already staring at you with a small smile on his lips, his thumb doing a light caress on the back of your hand. “Let me treat you. Please.”

“You want to pay for my groceries?”

“Yeah,” you looked at him like he had grown two heads, making him chuckle and step closer to you. “C’mon it’s nothing major, it’s just groceries, but I wanna do something nice for you… Also because I’ve been a dick to you a while back, I wanna make it up to you.”

“Let him pay,” you opened your mouth to protest, only to have the cashier tell you with a small smile, looking between the two of you before turning to Jongho. “Paying for the groceries is not enough, if you wanna be a good boyfriend and made up for what you did wrong you have to take her on a date or not let her lift a finger for at least the same amount of days you treated her poorly, which considering what I’m seeing, wasn’t as bad as you made it sound.”

The two of you chuckled as Jongho looked between you and the cashier confused, did you two know each other?

“He didn’t do anything that badly, don’t worry, he’s safe… for now,” you jokingly say as the cashier nodded with a smile, the both of you laughing as you saw Jongho a bit startled. Your hand squeezed his lightly with a small smile, leaving the path open so he could pay. “I still think you’ve done more than enough, but I won’t complain if that gets me free snacks.”

Jongho laughed looking at you softly before shaking his head, picking his wallet from his back pocket, his hand still holding yours like his life depended on it. The look the cashier gave you as she saw Jongho pulling the card made you blush a little, as you noticed she genuinely thought you two were a couple, and Jongho had probably done something he felt bad for it. A small flutter in your chest made you look away with your cheeks burning. Why were you enjoying this so much? All of it… Jongho’s attention, his hand on yours, him protecting you, people thinking he was your boyfriend. 

“He’s a catch by the way, congrats on getting him,” she smiled at you knowingly as she handed you the groceries as Jongho put his wallet back in his pocket, swiftly moving to get the bags before you could get the heavier ones. 

“I’m the lucky one to have her, not the other way around, goodnight.”

You were a bit shocked as he simply said that and led you away from the convenience store, but you could see a small lingering smile on his lips as you two walked in silence for a bit, hands still intertwined as you two headed back to your dorm. 

“You don’t mind if she thought we were a couple?”

You finally built the courage to ask, but still couldn’t look at Jongho, but you felt his hand squeeze yours lighty.

“You didn’t look uncomfortable and… Technically you already said that those guys probably thought I was your boyfriend. I thought it wouldn’t cause any harm… Unless I made you uncomfortable, then —”

“No no!” You cut him quickly. “Sorry, no, I was actually scared it made you uncomfortable… I know how discreet you are and all…”

“I don’t mind, not when it’s you.”

Did he just say what he did?, that was what went over both your minds as you looked at each other, both a bit shy but still comfortable with each other. It was like the pieces were puzzling together, and it felt good. 

“Oh, the baby decided to join us for once,” Wooyoung quickly says as soon as he sees Jongho entering Mingi’s room door, rolling his eyes. “What? (y/n) is too busy to give you attention?”

“It’s not like that… She’s stressed, and I know better than to get on her bad side when she’s like that, I still need my ears for class and such,” he closed the door sitting beside Yunho on one of the puffs on Mingi’s room. “What we talking about?”

“Mingi was telling about this girl he was seeing and how he took her to the arcade to, and I quote, ‘show his skills in the claw machine’...”

“But you have no skill…” Jongho quickly added looking at Mingi accusatory, making all the others laugh as Mingi just brushed it off.

“You all misunderstood, my skills with the claw, were what my lovely fingers can do, and I even got her a plushie so she can remember me and how good I am, okay? So I got my goal, you can mock me all you want, I’m getting laid while you are just fisting your hand thinking about your best friend.”

A choir of ‘ooooooh’s filled the room as Jongho just shook his head unaffected by Mingi’s words. 

“Good things come for those who wait though…,” Yeosang chimed in with a half-warning tone to Mingi, as he exchanged a hi5 with Jongho.

“But Mingi did say something interesting—”

“Hey I always say something interesting, what you saying?”

San sighed ignoring Mingi, keeping his focus on Jongho. “You said (y/n) is stressed, didn’t you two were always at the arcade? What if you take them there? They can relieve stress, you two can get cozy—”

“They can see your skilled fingers…”

“MINGI!”

“What? IT WORKS OKAY?!”

“Anyways, I think it could work, it was something you two did constantly in middle school… just a thought baby brother.”

San raised his eyebrows to Jongho as he laid back resting his back on the wall behind him, with a small smirk to Jongho, who brushed it off, but already planning how to bring that subject with you, knowing it was definitely something that you liked and would help you relax, even if a little.

“C’mon star, just one!”

“Bear no! These things are a scam and you know it!” It didn’t matter your protests, Jongho still took your hand, leading you to the claw machines, his gummy smile was all it took for you to accept as he picked a coin putting you in front of it. “You are wasting your money, you know that right?”

“Money spent with you is never wasted, you know that, now go, pick a plushie,” your eyes wander through the machine trying to find an easy pick, setting your eyes in a bear plushie.

“That one, because it looks like you,” your smile grew as he rolled his eyes, “don’t give me that! You asked me to choose! I did, don’t give me that eye roll, you ass!”

“Right, right, my fault, you were only doing what I told you, true,” his gummy smile was back and you smiled back excitedly, even if you were certain you'd lose. “Okay, let’s go, I’ll put the coin, take your time!”

As soon as the coin entered, the machine lit it up, you quickly but steady — attempt of steady — moved the claw to where the bear plushie was, trying your best to place the claw on the right place to win the plushie. Surprise none as you got nothing, making you pout while Jongho laughed at your reaction. 

“I told you it was a waste of money…”

“C’mon once more, just one, if you don’t get we can go get something else, hm?”

You pondered looking between Jongho and the machine, the small smile on his lips already knowing the answer as you nodded, getting ready to get the plushie once more, trying to trace the best approach to get it. 

“You are an enabler of my bad behaviors.”

“I’m a believer in your abilities, it's different, now c’mon you’ll still be amazing if you don’t get that plushie,” his fingers quickly put the coin on the machine who lit up as you calmed down trying to get the plushie once more. As the claw grabbed part of the plushie, lifting, Jongho laughed wholeheartedly as you started to celebrate, only for your pout to get bigger as it fell just before reaching the deposit area. His arms quickly circled you, kissing your head in a comforting manner. “You did great, star, almost got the plushie!”

“But I wanted the plushie,” you kept pouting as you leaned on Jongho. “You try it! I already did the hard part, you can have two tries too, that’s fair, no?”

“You really want that plushie don’t you…?” You nodded with a small pout that turned into a smile as Jongho sighed. “Okay, two tries, but don’t expect much, okay?”

“If you don’t get me that plushie you’ll buy me a huge one,” he looked at you in disbelief. “A bit of playful threats is not bad, just a bit of pressure, you can handle it.” You laughed as he shook his head putting the coin on the machine, getting ready for his first try. Attentive eyes on the plushie and the claw, with a groan from Jongho and a small satisfied chuckle from you as he missed. “Not as easy, is it?”

“Oh, so this is payback? And here I was, being a good friend and getting my favorite person their plushie,” he pushed another coin in, not noticing how your eyes kept staring at him. You were his favorite person? Not favorite friend, but favorite person. That had to mean something right? Or were you just overthinking the way you two have been lately? Getting in too deep in how good you felt whenever you were with Jongho? What if— “YES! SUCK IT MACHINE!”

“You— you got the plushie…” your voice was barely a whisper as you saw the bear plushie coming out of the machine in Jongho’s hand as he handed it to you. 

“Of course I did, I’d always get you a bear plushie, but you wanted this one, so I did my best to get it… so here,” he handed you the plushie as you took it in your hand, bringing it close to you in your arms as you looked at him a bit disbelief. “If we ever have to be apart again, even for a bit, and you miss me… Just hug the plushie and imagine it’s me, okay?”

Your mouth formed a thin line as you nodded, moving to hug Jongho, the bear plushie between your bodies as he giggled at your reaction, but his arms enveloped you still, as you two remained like that for a moment, before you moved away, with a smile to Jongho as you recovered a little from him winning you the plushie and the feelings you were trying to fight.

“It needs a name though… and since it reminds me of you and you said I should hug it if I miss you… How about Jjongbear?”

“You are a Literature Major, shouldn’t you be more creative with names?” He teased, his gummy smile returning as you looked at him annoyed. “Sorry, I had to… But sure, it’s yours, you can name it however you want, star.”

“How am I still friends with you? The boys are right, you and Yeosang are the true savages of the group,” you shook your head faking being upset as you took the bear and lifted it to look at you. “Your father may not appreciate you, but I do, Jjongbear!”

“Father? What are you talking about?”

“Already trying to bolt on parenting, tsk tsk tsk, your father would be disappointed,” you turned around to keep walking through the arcade.

“Yah! What do you mean father? I’m not fathering a plushie with my name in it!”

“You sure it’s okay I tag along, Jjong?”

It was a rhetorical question, technically it would be very hard to bolt now that you were in the car with Jongho heading to Yunho’s cabin in the mountains for the weekend. 

“(y/n), me and the guys said it’s okay, should I play their audio telling me to bring you along again?” He chuckled at your nervousness, reaching for your hand on your thigh, squeezing your hand lightly as kept it there on your thigh. “Plus, it’s been a whole ass semester, you are part of the gang once more, you are even calling the boys out on their bullshit, we all like having you around, and I want you to come with, and enjoy it with us the end of finals.”

“I just sometimes feels like I’m barging in or something… I know we all know each other for ages, but I’m your best friend, and I’m a girl, and I feel like sometimes the guys hold back and—”

“Oh, no, they don’t hold back, they try to be respectful because otherwise I’ll beat their ass, and San, Yeosang, Hongjoong and Seonghwa also said they’d help, so you have three of the strongest guys on your side, but trust me, they are not holding back… Maybe Mingi is, but I doubt he will once we get there… When he drinks… well… you’ll see.”

You laughed at his words, looking at the highway before looking at your intertwined hands, the light caress of Jongho’s thumb on your hand a comfort reminder of his presence and care. “And where am I sleeping?”

“Oh, Yunho said his parents demanded you’d be in their room, saying that ‘you are not putting them to sleep with you boys, they can sleep in our bedroom, you eight are really loud when you want!’, so… you are the only one with an individual room.”

“Well… they aren’t wrong, the eight of you do get really loud, especially when drinking… God I don’t think I can forget when I went to Wooyoung’s room that one night and San was on the floor singing his lungs out, Wooyoung and Seonghwa were leaning on each other, Mingi and Hongjoong passed out in the corner Yeosang being the cutest and taking care of everyone along with you and Yunho, that were curiously the only ones standing… I still have questions, but I’m dreading the answers.”

Both of you laughed loudly at the memory of that day, his hand squeezed yours unconsciously as he focused back on the road. Suddenly, the rest of the trip to the cabin was about memory sharing, both from when you were kids and now in uni. Both feeling a sense of ease as the whole development of the situations happened, and again the feeling returned. 

The feeling of puzzles fitting together.

That everything was falling into its rightful place. 

That this was right.

“Yah! (y/n), help us out, I’m done being single, I want someone to hold and pamper…”

“Mingi, you are single because you are a manwhore,” he was gonna start to protest, but you beat him to it, “and no, you are not the only manwhore in this group, fear not.”

“Now you done it,” Jongho whispered to you as the guys started to protest, making you laugh loudly throwing your head back on the couch as Jongho took your empty shot glass to fill it once more for each of you. “Hey, they are not wrong! How many people have you guys slept with only this last semester?”

“For the record, I have my eyes on someone, she is the one that doesn’t want anything with me…,” San was quick to say with a pout.

“Of course she doesn’t, she has a girlfriend San, she doesn’t like dick!”

Your words silenced everyone, as everyone looked at San and you with shocked expressions. 

“I don’t mind third wheeling, if that’s the case…”

Everyone burst into laughter at San’s response, everyone taking their shot of soju, Jongho had just poured for everyone. Quickly starting a new conversation as you put your glass back, deciding it was it for you. You never liked drinking, and you had a feeling you kept going you might do something that will ruin things.

“You okay?” Like kissing the man that just whispered in your ear as you felt his arms going over your shoulder, almost cradling you. Your head quickly resting on his shoulder as the tiredness of the past few sleepless nights, stress of the tests and muscle ache from the trip started to hit you. “You wanna head upstairs and sleep?”

“Yah! This is low! I just said I hate being single and you two keep acting like a couple, just date already!” You froze for a moment at Mingi’s words, you noticed how Jongho also froze, but still didn’t move away from you.

“Mingi is right, it’s pretty obvious you two like each other, why don’t you just date?”

“Yunho, we’ve been friends since forever, of course we’d be more comfortable—”

“You two like each other, just admit it already!”

“San is done playing cupid,” the boys all laughed at Wooyoung’s comment that followed San’s grumpy statement. “I mean, it would be easier if there were arrows to make you two realize you like each other, that’s true…”

“And don’t try to deny it, the heart eyes are there, especially when you two think the other isn’t looking,” Hongjoong was quick to say, followed by Yeosang.

“Nah, they are doing it to each other now, they can’t help it anymore.”

“I—I need to pee…” You quickly left the living room, heading to your assigned room, not noticing how everyone looked confused, except for Jongho and Yeosang who were upset and annoyed, respectively.

“You guys had to? Truly?”

“What? Yeo you know they wouldn’t admit it—”

“What if you guys are looking too into it, Wooyoung? What if this ends the friendship I literally just got it back?”

“We are not looking too into it,” San said sternly looking at Jongho who looked at his older brother scoffing. “You wrote a song to them, and keep writing songs about them. And they used to write your names and initials on any paper they could, now they just keeps close if you need them, because they became smarter after I caught them doing that all those years back. So no, they never had a crush on me, it was always you.” 

“How you know I wrote a song to them?”

“That’s what you are focusing on? C’mon Jjong! You left your song notebook open one time when I went to your room to get something and I saw it, and you are not as subtle as you think when writing songs.”

“San is right, you are pretty obvious…”

“And they are pretty oblivious.”

Hongjoong and Seonghwa chimed in again, taking another sip of their beer as all of them observed Jongho.

“And if you pay attention, the two of you already act like a couple, so why are you two so scared of acting on it? Everyone already thinks you two are dating… you should talk to them, after setting your head straight, but don’t take too long, the night is young but it’s from GenZ with bills to pay.”

The boys all kept quiet observing Jongho, who quietly got up taking a closed can of beer and took it outside, closing the door behind him as he went to sit on one of the rocks from a small path you and him had explored earlier when you two arrived before hitting the pool with the others. And it pained him to admit the others were right. You were acting like a couple. He cared for you like a boyfriend, his touch was thoughtful but possessive, he was protective, he hated seeing any guy try to hit on you or touching you too much, he hated when you said someone was attractive, or when you commented on something the guys were saying with hidden innuendos that you experienced something like that or similar before, making him question with whom. 

You held hands whenever you could. You hugged all the time for any reason. You were always close together if any of you needed the other. You two were practically living in each other's rooms if you are not in the library studying. Everyone already knew you two were a package deal. Where one went, the other would too. He knew his feelings for you were not platonic or friendly, they were romantic, hell he even had a wet dream about you more than once! But he wasn’t certain from your part. You pushed him to girls you thought he’d think are attractive, you’d indulge into flirting with other guys, even if you always returned to him, making him send those exact guys death stares that made them all run and hide. Were you playing him? Or were in denial like he was, but doing it differently? Pushing him away along with the romantic feelings?

He sighted looking up in the sky. He always loved to come into the mountains, the sky was always clear, so he could easily see the stars that always reminded him of you, back when you two were friends, when you grew apart and now that you reconnected. The starry sky was always his companion to think of you when he couldn’t be with you for whichever reason. He heard the sound of a door, looking towards the cabin, but no one was there, so you looked up, finding you in the balcony, fidgeting your fingers. You were nervous. Was it for the same reasons he was? Because you were seeing that you liked each other and were in denial, or was it because you realized you were acting like a couple when you only saw him as a friend?

His eyes kept darting to the night starry sky back to you, his only star, his northern star, the only direction his heart pointed at since forever. He doesn’t know how long he stood there, but it was enough for his bear to run warm in his hands and the wind blow cold against his skin. He had watched you for long enough to realize he couldn’t pretend anymore, he wanted you, not just as a friend, he wanted you as a partner, a life partner. 

If you didn’t want that, it was okay. He wanted you in his life, it didn't matter how. 

As he rushed to the house, he left his beer on the counter, ignoring the guys’ questions as he headed upstairs towards your room, knocking it loud enough so you could hear even if you were still on the balcony. It took what seemed like forever for footsteps to be heard and you opened the door, widening your eyes and holding back from closing it again as you looked down your feet.

“Hey, sorry, can you tell the guys I’m not coming down? That I’m ready for bed, or something?”

“Can we talk first?”

Your silence and avoidance of eye contact was enough to tell him you knew what this was about and it was unsure if you wanted to.

“Is this about what the guys said?”

He nodded quietly. “I think… It’s something we need to talk about, if it’s… so obvious to everyone but us… no?”

You knew he was right, and he knew you knew. It was just a matter of you wanting to face this now or later. After a few seconds, you took a step back, letting him inside your assigned room, closing the door as he passed, unsure of how to behave. Jongho simply extended his hand for you to take it, hoping the silent request would be accepted by you. 

A small smile formed as you took his hand, letting him guide you to the balcony, the two of you leaning against the fence, his hand still holding your, the light tender caress continuing soothing your fears and nerves without him even knowing. 

“Is there a reason we are on the balcony?” 

Your voice was quiet, scared even to break the silence and eventually the bubble to make the subject of you two come to light. Instead of looking at you, Jongho looked at the sky with a smile. 

“Starry nights remind me of you,” he said simply before looking back at you, your eyes were slightly scared, scared of what he may say, scared of what you two would become after this talk. “Even when we lost touch, I loved to go to places where I could see the stars, because it helped me think of you.”

“Jongho, what—”

“I’ve liked you since we were kids,” at your eyes widening, he let out a wholeheartedly chuckle, taking your hand on both of his hands, before continuing. “I never said anything because we were young and idiots, and for some reason I was so sure you had a crush on San, that made me livid whenever he spent time with us and I saw you get all why and blushing and—”

“Because he knew I liked you,” he stopped talking the second you cut him off. So San was telling the truth, which meant that… you probably still liked him too? “He…” You started looking away from Jongho embarrassed of the childish memory. “He caught me one day writing your name with hearts, or both our names close to each other… I usually did that when I had a lot on my mind, thinking of you calmed me…”

“So… you were shy and flustered with San… because he knew you liked me back then?”

“And he caught on fast that I… still like you now.”

The last part came out as a hushed tone. Both your heads were spiraling as your hearts were racing. You two liked each other back then, and still do now… that meant…

“Can I kiss you?” He blurted out, making you chuckle, being followed by him, with an embarrassed smile. “Sorry, sorry, I just… Is this as surreal to you as it is to me?”

You turned to him, biting your lip with a small nod. “I’m still stuck on the ‘I liked you since we were kids’ parts,” you laughed wholeheartedly as Jongho smiled, taking a step closer to you, testing the waters, testing if this was truly what you wanted, making you freeze for a moment. Your eyes almost automatically go to his lips before reaching his eyes. “I don’t want to lose you, bear.”

“And neither do I, star… but… will you allow us to try… be more than we are now?”

At your silence and lingering gaze on his face, he tested reaching to you once more, which wasn’t badly received, especially as he felt your free hand on his arm, a silent invitation for him to continue. “Just don’t break my heart again.”

“I never intended on doing that, and I don’t plan on ever hurting you ever again,” he whispered as he leaned close, so close that you could feel each other's breaths against your faces. “I’ll ask again, and I’d like a direct answer… Can I, finally, feel your lips against mine?”

“Yes, please.”

Without a second to think, Jongho leaned in, his lips meeting yours hungrily but… tenderly? You could feel how much he wanted to savor you, but he also wanted to devour you. As his tongue asked for entrance, your hands moved to his shoulder and up his hair messing it up as you allowed him entrance, his hands quickly finding your waist and hip pulling your body close to him. It was like you were in purgatory, the delicious heaven of having his lips on your, but the burning sensation of wanting more. You gasped as you felt his cool finger trace the hem of your shirt, touching the warm skin underneath.

“Sorry, sorry, I just—”

“Bed, now,” you said against his lips pulling him back inside, his hand quickly moving to close the door that led to the balcony, your lips crashing once more. It was you were addicted, addicted to his lips, to his hands on you, to how every touch seemed to burn your skin in the most delicious way. His hands were strong, but cautious, touching just the right places to drive you insane as his lips met yours in a contained hunger.

“(y/n), I don’t want to push you—”

“Shut up,” you said against his lips once more, pushing him back to the bed, as soon a he fell on the bed, his hands were on your hip, playing with the hem of the shirt, tracing lazy burning patterns on your skin. “We are not making a mistake, are we?”

“No, this is not a mistake, unless you don’t want to…”

His tender and understandable eyes made you melt. How even in a situation like this, Jongho could still be the most respectful and caring guy you could ever meet, even when you could feel how much he wanted you, in the way he kissed you, touched you, how he devoured you with his eyes, but still keeping them with a hint of tenderness? How were you lucky to have a man like this fall for you?

“I want you Jongho, but I want all of you,” you moved to stand between his legs, your hands on his hair pushing it away from his face, who looked at you with such care and hunger that was mimic in his actions, on how his hands traveled your body, possessively but like committing every curve, every stretch, every gap to memory. “Please tell me I’m not dreaming…”

“You are not dreaming star,” his smile was almost calming to you, as you let a sigh of relief closing your eyes, gasping as you felt his lips on the exposed part of your shirt his fingers were playing with, a mischievous but cautious smile appeared on his lips, as his face hovered against your stomach. “Is this okay? I’m sorry, I just want you too, all of you… if you have me.”

Instead of answering with words, you moved to straddle Jongho, keeping eye contact as it felt like you were dreaming still. Dreaming his lips had been on yours, that his hands were touching your skin under your shirt, that his lips touched the skin of your stomach, that he was underneath you, looking at you with the mix of lust and love. As your weight settled on top of Jongho, he closed his eyes, controlling his reaction. 

There was so much he wanted to do to you, but he never wanted to make you uncomfortable, he was waiting for you cue, to anything that could tell what you wanted, he’d give you anything and everything. He was yours and you were his, and he was gonna make sure you felt loved with every piece of your body and soul. 

You leaned forward once more, your lips touching his, his hands tightening on your hips, grounding you on his lap, gasping against the kiss as you felt his half-hard cock underneath you. His lips moved to your jawline as you moved your hips against his bulge, the pads of his fingers digging into your flesh as your nails sank on his shoulder, one of your hands moved to his hair once more. Your movements become less precise as you feel his lips and tongue on your neck. 

Tiny murmurs of ‘is this okay?’, ‘so perfect’, so pretty’, ‘been dreaming of this for so long’, along with your own gasps and silent moans as you kept your movements, feeling his getting harder underneath you as he worshiped your neck, his hands moving from your hip, to waist, to back and all over again, until he stopped your hips, taking his head away from your neck. Hooded eyes, swollen lips, you held back from kissing him, as you moved your hips instinctively having him groan and close his eyes with a small ‘fuck’ coming out of his mouth.

“(y/n), I’m controlling myself pretty well, and I’m pretty good at that, but I won’t be able to control much with you moving like that on top of me, with a bed right here with us… I don’t want to push you into—”

“What if I want to?” His eyes shot up, searching for any type of deception on your eyes, or hints that it wasn’t truly what you wanted. “We are not children anymore Jongho, we are not freshly teenagers. I know what I want, and I want you.”

“Fuck, don’t say things like that….”

“Why? You don’t think I know what I want?” You said cheekily, testing the waters as your finger traced his jaw and lips. “I want you to make me yours for real Jongho, because I’ve been yours for longer than I’d like to admit.”

“I’ve been yours since the first time we met, even when we were kids, I was yours, you were always it for me. You were always the person I compared to others, and God I searched for you everywhere when I lost you… And I’m scared that if I give in this easily you’ll vanish… I still can’t believe I have you back, I can’t believe I have you like this.”

You smiled genuinely leaning in and kissing Jongho, this time was calmer, full of passion but no desire but to show love for each other. You pushed your body forward, making Jongho fall on his back as you kept kissing him. “I’m yours Jongho, always been, always will be.”

In a swift movement Jongho moved you so he was on top, your legs quickly wrapping around his hips, your hands on his arms, one of his hands cupping your face, caressing your cheek. “Are you sure? Because I swear, you are making it impossible to—”

“I’m sure, please, Jjong.”

“Okay,” he said after a while with a small smirk on his lips as he leaned forward to whisper in your ear, “but we are doing my way, star.”

Before you could say anything, his lips found the spot under your ear, kissing it tenderly as his hands started to wander your body just lie before, committing every part to memory, like you are a marble, a painting, a book he wanted to undercover all its secrets. You gasped as his hands moved your shirt up, exposing until under your breasts, while his lips tasted every part of your neck and chest, he moved from the valley of your breasts to your midriff, keeping with the tender small lingering kisses on your skin, worshiping every little part you had of your body. 

While one of his hands kept your shirt up, the other swiftly pulled your sweats down a little so he slid his hand to your pants, pads of his fingers tracing slow eight figures on your clit over your panties, making you gasp. Instinctively your hands went to his hair, while the other held his arm that held your shirt over, moving it to expose your bra, which we quickly pushed to the side, mouth involving your breasts as his movements on your clit grew faster, making you squirm under him.

“Jongho, pl–please…”

“Your wish is my command, my love.”

His mouth met your neck once more, as his fingers pulled your panties to the side, his middle finger teasing your entrance. As you were about to complain, his index and middle fingers entered you, skillfully curling inside of you before leaving, only to enter again. You could go insane just by what he was doing. As your moans grew louder, he moved his mouth to yours, muffling your sounds as his fingers sped up, his thumb pressing your clit as his fingers curled inside of you. 

“Quiet (y/n), we don’t want the guys to come and take a peak.”

“Sorry, just— argh! So good, so so good, Jjong, God!”

His laugh against your neck made you shiver as he pulled his fingers out of you, making you whine as your orgasm was denied, but before you protested, Jongho brought his fingers soaked on your juice to his lips, before smirking at you. “Can’t wait to taste you properly, clothes off, lay on the bed, head on the pillows and try to keep it down, I don’t want anyone interrupting us, or seeing how good I’ll make you feel, okay?”

“I like this side of you…”

He smirked as you two started to take your clothes off. “Good, because you’ll see more and more of it from now on.”

As you lay down on the bed, completely naked, you took a moment to appreciate Jongho’s naked form the same way he was doing to you. His toned muscles, his tanned skin, the hidden parts that only you were able to see, because he was yours and no one else’s. He slowly moved back to the bed positioning himself in front of your legs, his hard cock leaking as his hands touched your knees, gently spreading your legs, revealing your soaking cunt, a bit red from the mess his fingers did to you. 

Instead of digging for it, he teased you. His lips trailing kisses over your legs from your shoulder to the junction of your thigh and hip, repeating on the other side, before making himself comfortable on the bed, holding your thighs as he started to leave tender kisses on your labia, making you jolt your lips as they touched your sensitive clit, your hands going to his hair, as he started to lick your clit, leaving small kisses, before starting to make out with your cunt. The way you could feel his lips and tongue everywhere was driving you to the edge. 

He was eating you like no one ever had.

No, he wasn’t eating you out, he was making out with your cunt. 

Like he had all the time in the world. 

Because he had, he had all the time in the world to make you feel good. 

And God you tried your best to keep it down. 

Quiet, hushed moans, with few exceptions that made Jongho chuckle against your core, making your whole body reverberate with it. 

Your legs probably shook three times before he finally stopped kissing your cunt, the way your whole body was like pudding at that moment was insane, and yet, you wanted more. You wanted him inside. 

“Jongho, please, I need you inside…”

“Are you sure you can take it, (y/n)? I have a feeling I spent you too much already,” he hovered above you with a cocky smile as he pushed your hairs away from your face, caressing it tenderly, his eyes were sweet, cautiously, slightly worried if he was pushing your body’s limit already.

“I’m sure,” you nodded as your voice sounded breathlessly. It was true, you were spent, but in the best way possible, and your body ached for him. “I’m sure, Jjong, I can take it, please.”

“I don’t have a condom…”

“You can pull out, I’m on the pill, as long as you are clean, we are good.”

He couldn’t help but find your eagerness endearing. 

“I’ll be gentle, promise.”

And he was. 

His hands gently moved you around the way that would be the most comfortable for you, gently spreading your legs wider as he positioned his cock at your entrance. Looking at you once more to confirm, you nodded back. Jongho positioned himself before leaning into you, lips meeting in a gentle, sweet kiss as his cock slowly entered your hole. Your lips parted as you felt him fill you up, allowing Jongho to kiss your face and neck, as his hands wandered your body in a worshiping manner. 

As he finally entered you full, he gave you time to adjust, moving slowly, not fully pulling out, his hips moving slowly as one of his hands kept his weight out of you, the other exploring every part of your body, cupping your face, making you look at him, as his pace increased, observing every reaction you had so he could make sure not to push you too much, but just enough to make you feel good. 

His lips once more found yours as you both started to get more and more needy for each other, his movements getting faster, precise, as your nails scratched his back, your legs wrapped around his hips for a moment, making you almost scream for how good it felt. Your nails digging on his flesh made him groan as his movements became sloppier, allowing you to move to kiss his jawline and neck, hearing him curse speeding his movements. His head hid on the crook of your neck as he held you close. Your body was already easily shaking, but he tried his best to control your release while trying to reach his. 

You clenched around him more and more, moaning against his ear, ‘that’s it’, ‘fuck so good’, ‘don’t stop’, ‘fuck you are so tight’, a mix of words between you and Jongho as you hid your screamed moan on his shoulder finally hitting your high, he slowed down riding out your high, before detaching himself from you, pulling out and fisting his hand. The sight of your fucked out face, almost making him cum in sight, a few stroke after his cum was over your torso as both of you were spent in bed. 

“Stay put, I’ll be right back,” he said breathlessly to you, heading to the bathroom, grabbing a hand towel, wetting half to clean you up. As he was sure you were clean, minding the sore spots, he tossed the towel to the sink, as he moved to lay beside you. “You okay? Not too sore?”

“I’m fine, you were perfect,” you said leaning in kissing his lips, his hand finding your hip, pulling you closer to him as his other hand served as base for your head to rest. You quickly pulled the covers over the two of you, resting your head on his shoulder, his arm around you, caressing the skin of your arm feather-like, your legs tangling. Your free hand draws lazy patterns on his chest, before his free hand envelops yours bringing to his lips.

A small tender kiss on your knuckles. 

“I love you, (y/n).”

“I love you, Jongho.”

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[anakinstwinklebunny]

Scott crying and sobbing for you to stay with him forever after you ask to break up due to his rude behaviour after Sam encouraged him too.

He begs he’ll do better and it leads to makeup sex and he shows you as much love as he can, you wake up in the middle of the night to go pee show you hear Sam sobbing in his room, whispering your name.

- 🌺

Author's note: NONNIE YOU'RE BACK AND SLAYING LIKE ALWAYS

"I don't wanna do this anymore, Scott." Your voice cracked as you said it, standing in the doorway of his dimly lit room. All his arrogant smirk and zero attention quickly shifted into concern and fear

"No. No, no, you don't mean that." He stood abruptly, his chair screeching against the floor, hands already reaching for you. "You can't mean that. What the hell, babe? What did I do?"

You swallowed the lump that formed in your throat a little too quickly, trying not to let the tears that blurred your vision escape. "You know what you did, Scott. You don't treat me like you used to. You've been so -" You pause right word. "Mean. Rude.. like I'm nothing to you"

He froze, the accusation hitting him harder than you expected. "Mean?" voice cracked as if he couldn't believe it. "I'm not- No. Babe, come on. I didn't mean anything. You know me-I'm just..." sigh leaving his lips, eyes closing for a brief moment "I don't know, I get stupid sometimes." voice dropped into a desperate whisper. "Please don't do this."

You shook your head, trying to step back, but his hands found your arms, almost dragging you closer right at his chest "Don't go. I'll fix it. I swear I'll fix it. Just-please, don't leave me."

You were stunned by the sudden wetness in his eyes. SCOTT BARRINGER never cried, at least not like this, not in front of you. "You say that every time," voice trembling, lower lips shaking. "And every time, you go back to being cold. Sam tells you to push me away, and you listen to him, like I don't even matter."

"Sam doesn't know shit about us!" Scott hissed out of frustration "He doesn't know how much I love you-how much I need you." as if it was the right response to your accusation

He sank to his knees in front of you, clutching at your thighs, head pressed against your stomach as he sobbed. "You're all I have that's good. You're the only person who cares about me. If you leave, I-I don't know what I'll do."

His words shattered you. You felt his desperation in the way he held onto you like a lifeline, fingers digging into the pushiness of your skin, lips beginning to leave trembling kisses on your clothed lower belly "Please, baby, please, don't leave me. I'll do better. I swear to God, I'll be better for you."

"Scott, please get up. Don't do this."

But he shook his head, intensifying his actions "No. Not until you promise you're not gonna leave me. I'll do anything-anything you want. Just tell me what to do."

You didn't realize you were literally crying until he pulled back to look at you, thumb brushing away your tears before he cupped your face, kissing you with the deepest desperation "Please let me show you. Let me show you how much I love you."

His hands trembled as he lifted you onto his bed, his lips finding yours in a kiss that was messy and urgent, like he was trying to pour every ounce of his love and regret into it. "I'll do better," he murmured against your mouth, already fumbling with his belt "I'll make it up to you."

You didn't respond with words, just a soft gasp as he gently pushed you on the bed, moving over you, hands trailing down your sides, with touch so gentle it felt like a begining of his prayer.

"Let me make you feel good," he whispered, voice breaking as he pressed kisses down your neck. "Let me make you stay."

You could only nod, the lump in your throat too thick to speak. His hands slid under your shirt, pushing it up and over your head, eyes roaming over your curves in appreciation "God, you're beautiful," he murmured, lips going down to trace every spot of your body as if he was committing you to memory.

He didn't rush, didn't take you like he usually did. Instead, he worshiped you, his lips, hands, and body moving with a tenderness that brought tears to your eyes. Something he barely did on day basis. He kissed away your tears, being so gentle in everything you've done..

Later, as you lay tangled in his arms, his chest raising and falling beneath your cheek, you felt the soft press of his lips against your hair. "I meant it," he whispered, voice hoarse. "I'll do better." but why it felt..weird? As if you just sold yourself from something you wanted to run away from?

Hours later, you woke up with the need to use the bathroom. So, turning gently to the side, you quietly left the bed where Scott was dead asleep, wandering on your tip toes through the house

And that's where you heard it, right when you passed through Scott's twin brother room

A soft sob.

You froze for a moment. You've never really heard Sam cry..what was wrong with these brothers to not show any emotions? You stood there for a moment, eavesdropping on Sam's behavior

Sam's voice was quietly whispered as your name left his lips between broken gasps and choked cries as if he was in mental pain.

Your eyes widened at the realization

What the f---

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[mythicmanuscripts]

SUB!AEMOND HEADCANNONS

Hello lads! Sub!Aemond lives rent free in my brain so I have decided to dump some head cannons for my thoughts on it. If you like what you read here, would like me to expand on some thoughts or would like to request an imagine/blurb, then check out my blog!

Needless to say, NSFW content under the cut.

Aemond tries to seem dominant at first, especially when you first met him. But that is very much just a facade. The first time you kiss, you give his hair a little pull and he whines and whimpers and just melts.

The moment you give him an order, no matter how small, he will do it instantly. Like, he'll be pretending to be in control but then you ask him to pour your wine and instantly he's doing it, and slapping the servant's hand out of the way when they go to do it because you asked him!!

Once he's done whatever you asked of him, he looks at you. He tries to seem indifferent, but he's watching you very closely to see your reaction, he can't relax until you've thanked him and praised him. If you don't praise him, he will think that he did badly.

Speaking of praise, he THRIVES on praise. From the first time you complemented him, he's hooked. Even the smallest complement or praise will make him struggle to hide his smile.

Also, once you start to praise him regularly he just... stops caring about what anyone else to say about him? He's not trying to impress Allicent or Otto anymore, not at all. As long as you're happy with him, he needs absolutely nothing else.

He LOVES being manhandled? He never expected to like it, until one day you're kissing and you just kinda move him to whatever position you want and just melts. He loves it, he will let you do whatever you want with his body.

I actually don't think it would take very long for Aemond to submit and be vulgar? And I think this because I think that the moment you start to praise him and support him he just... he's hooked. You call him pretty and walk away and instantly he's running after you, not wanting to without you for even a moment.

He's so desperate for that love and affection that when you offer it he just can't resist, and then couple that with you actually taking charge and telling him what to do? Marriage. Marriage right now.

alright alright let's do some real NSFW absolute filth now

the day Aemond discovers he can make you cum by giving you head is the day Aemond discovers his new favourite pass time.

Not only it is just very enjoyable for him but he gets to please you?? He gets to please the person who loves him and takes care of him?? He has that person moaning his name?? God he needs it.

He will beg to give you head, will cry and whimper and shake if you tell him to fuck you immediate. He only stops whining when you promise he can use his tongue to clean you up after.

He loves when you're rough, push him against the wall, pull his hair, choke him. He just melts under your touch.

However, and this is very very very important, absolutely no humiliation. None. Zero. He can't handle that, he lets you manhandle him because he knows you love him. Treat him harsh while saying the sweetest things. Call him your sweet pretty boy while choking him.

He loves to vent to you about his day, but he wants to do it between your thighs. Aemond's ideal way to end the day is to crawl into bed, licking and sucking you to his heart's content while he complains about how fucking stupid the small council is every time he takes a breath.

I have more thoughts but this is already longer than I thought so let me know if you want more!

[burningcheese-merchant]

PLEASE MERCHANT LISTEN TO ME

I started watching Burning Spice Cookie's flashback in the game and suddenly I started thinking "is that all? How stupid" because there are characters older than him and who apparently haven't had this problem of "boredom from "same old thing" so he leaves the Burning Spice Cookie thing as childish. but then I started thinking, what if I developed this? You see, if a person doesn't have a proper childhood they can develop psychopathic traits (more or less what I've seen in Burning Spice Cookie) so what if he and the other Beasts didn't have childhoods? We are not given any clue that they have grown, which gives us to understand that they appeared among the common cookies as adults.

Imagine that you barely have time to know your own name and suddenly you are thrown into... (I don't know, a battle?) expecting you to help calm everything down. What if, as soon as Burning Spice Cookie was born, he began to be burdened with many responsibilities and having to fight to unify Beast-Yeast into one nation? It would be a good reason why he "got bored" with everything, since some psychopaths have that trait of enjoying causing harm or hating monotony and social rules (it could also be an explanation for your au's Burning Spice Cookie).

I am SO glad someone else sees the problem with Burning Spice's "boredom". We have a million immortal characters in this universe and not a single one has had this issue with their lives. The Ancients live forever thanks to the Soul Jam, and they don't seem bothered by it at all (hell, look at Golden Cheese. She is actively pursuing immortality, for herself and especially for her loved ones). The Elementals are immortal, and they have zero complaints about it. Millennial Tree and Sugar Swan are older than the world itself, do you see them crying about it? Nope. They live and carry out their duties happily. You don't even see this with the ones that actually WERE mortal once. Fire Spirit? He loves who he is now, he's said so out loud in cutscenes in Ovenbreak. Sherbet? Though he misses being with Cotton, he otherwise loves being free to travel and see the world almost entirely unburdened, the way he always dreamed. Frost Queen? She adopted her role and upholds the balance of nature with grace. Life and immortality are only what YOU make of them. The Beasts are a bunch of stupid, selfish babies. The end.

"Not having a childhood" IS an interesting point to raise, though. You're absolutely right: having a tumultuous youth can and often does lead to psychological issues of all kinds, big and small ask me how I know lol. And for all we really know, they WERE born adults right from the jump. How Cookies are born and how they age are SUPER weird in this series and neither is ever explained properly besides "baked in oven", so... What's keeping anyone from imagining characters just born fully grown right away?

With this in mind, and with the points you've raised, we can maybe look at the Beasts like this: people who were brought into the world without being asked (although no one is), and burdened with nigh-impossible responsibility right away. Immediately told to sacrifice themselves for people they do not know or care about, who do not know them or care about them. To uphold a balance they may not understand, nor did they create themselves. Never having been allowed the chance to live and grow as all sapient beings are entitled to; to go out and have fun and be foolish and make mistakes that they end up learning from. They were born abnormal, and they never never allowed to escape that abnormality once. They live only for others, never for themselves, not even for small things. One has to wonder if they even counted as people at all in the eyes of those they fought for, or if they were just archetypes whose faces and actions were used to placate and justify whatever anyone wanted them to.

... Yeah, that sounds pretty shitty when you put it that way lol. It just goes to show how the Ancients are the true rightful owners of the Soul Jam, in my opinion. They EARNED that power, it was not given to them on a silver platter. They were able to live life as regular mortals for a while, then actively sought out that power and proved themselves worthy of it. Hollyberry united an entire region of warring houses. Dark Cacao tamed dragons and brought peace to a long-devastated land. Pure Vanilla endured the many arduous trials of the Sugar-Free Road in pursuit of truth and enlightenment. These are all things that require hard work, dedication, humility, and a certain wisdom that you gain from experiencing life in general. Wisdom that the Beasts may or may not have possessed, because they may or may not have ever been able to attain it in the first place.

As for my Yandere AU Spice... Yandere Spice is well and truly a psychopath (all the Yandere Beasts are). It's the thing you see often with actual stalkers: he's more in love with the IDEA of Golden Cheese than the woman herself, as she actually exists. It's all about what HE wants, what HE needs, what HE expects from her. Pure, utter selfishness, projection and delusion, as psychopaths are fundamentally incapable of empathizing with others (that's what marks them as psychopaths in the first place). With the Accidental Yandere Golden Cheese one, he's the same, but A) leaning a bit more into his bloodlust/enjoyment of harming others (which is also common in psychopaths, like you said), and B) him actually being clever/manipulative enough (at least to some degree) to know how to play into Golden's wants and feed her ego in order to sway her (Golden in this AU is also just kind of a fucked up person on her own, independent of Spice, so it's an unlucky combination). She's not "boring" like everything and everyone else is. She captivates him, she surprises him, she keeps him on his toes. He "loves" her. Therefore, he owns her and vice versa, and he will do whatever it takes to have her all to himself, up to and including hurting and killing innocents (it's not like they mattered, anyway). What caused him to be this way ultimately does not matter; maybe it's that overwhelming burden of responsibility and lack of a choice or a chance to live life that we addressed earlier. Perhaps he was just born broken. Whatever it is, he's a bloodthirsty, selfish, uncaring monster and it is Golden Cheese that he has chosen to make pay for it, unfortunately.

TL;DR Not liking immortality is a skill issue. The Beasts are dumb little crybabies. Yandere Spice is disgusting and should face a wall. I like writing deranged people far too much. I enjoy engaging in meaningful conversation with others about things. Thank you for the ask, I vibe with your thoughts and ideas, I hope you find lots of money on the ground today

[kradogsrats]

How Does Your Garden Grow: Terry's s4-s7 Slow-Build Arc

So, Terry. A character who could be objectively called the goodest among the main cast. We've been waiting through four seasons to really figure him out... or I have, at least. Maybe everyone else got him from the start.

Anyway, Terry's arc is a very slow burn that only comes becomes clear in s7, because it's revealed primarily through two sequences of scenes that echo each other—the first in s4, and the second when s7 finally comes back to tuck that s4 sequence into bed and kiss it gently on the forehead. This means that in order to really grasp how Terry develops, we need to examine and compare those sequences, both to each other and in the context of what we see of Terry in the intervening time.

God's Most Plant-Based Clown...

Fun fact: Aaron Ehasz apparently named Terry as his favorite character at SDCC 2019, during the s3 hype tour [citation vague]. He probably didn't expect that it would take another two and a half years of real time for us to actually meet Terry, but them's the breaks.

We don't really know a lot about Terry for the first few episodes of s4, where he's suddenly thrown in as a new main character alongside all the ones we had already known and loved for years. We can see he's a little anxious and awkward, but he lights up with confidence in his dynamic with Claudia to the point that he'll discuss the smell of his own farts in front of her dad. He has an incredible amount of compassion for Viren, repeatedly offering up deep emotional vulnerability even though Viren radiates nothing but aloof dislike for him. He seems to have no problem with Claudia's dark magic, such as the pufferbat breathing spell, even when the credits go out of their way to remind the audience that hey, those pufferbats had families, too.

He's obviously good for Claudia, which (as intended) immediately makes us turn around and question whether Claudia is good for him. He is, after all, an elf, and she's a dark mage. She has already done, by her own admission, things she "never imagined [she] would be able to do"—and this from the girl who once killed a baby deer with her bare hands. Does Terry not know about these deeds? Is she using him? Is he secretly a nihilistic sadist beneath his perky, easygoing exterior?

He's just a mystery wrapped in an enigma rolled up around a chewy marshmallow center, then dipped in crushed-up pretzels (since nuts are an allergy risk).

However Dangerous

But Terry does reach what we can clearly see is a crossroads of development fairly early in s4, when he kills Ibis to protect Claudia. This is a Big Deal—he immediately breaks down crying, to the point that despite being injured, Claudia prioritizes comforting him. Later, he's unable to sleep, instead crying over both Ibis and himself... or rather, what he had no choice but to do.

Viren, perhaps seeing a tiny sliver of his teenage self in Terry, offers him some advice regarding how to make peace with doing what you have to for those you love:

VIREN: But there is an aching pain mixed with love that you feel in these moments. In the name of love, you may perform acts so unforgivable... you will never forgive yourself. TERRY: Please, how do I live with this? How do I deal with these feelings? VIREN: I will tell you how. TERRY: Yes! Please, I need to know.

Of course, he's still Viren. Fatherly advice isn't exactly his strong suit. He also technically hasn't had a full night's sleep in two years.

Now, the writers could have left it at that. It's a good scene. It's a good character interaction. It sets up like 90% of Viren's remaining arc—as the first appearances of both "I had no choice" and "however dangerous, however vile"—and a not insignificant part of the entirety of arc 2, itself.

But they don't, and that's where it really becomes about Terry, because the next time he and Viren are hanging out (in s4e7, titled "Beneath the Surface" in an example of having zero chill), he brings it up again. He respectfully tells Viren that he's given it a lot of thought, and what Viren proposed isn't what he wants to do. He doesn't even say Viren is wrong, just that it isn't right for him:

I think what you're trying to say is... Is that I should stop having feelings. Well, I'm not going to do that. No way, I-I'm gonna be strong enough to do whatever I need to do and have feelings.

This is, in a way, Terry affirming his true heart—he's not going to give that up, even if letting go of the compassion that made killing so devastating to him (and probably narrowing his understanding of who and what is worthy of it) would make things easier. He's going to be strong enough to not have to do that.

It's not a coincidence that the very next scene for them includes Terry coming out, because both are about Terry's chosen identity.

This isn't only about Terry being trans—what he's saying here is essentially, "I know who I am, and I am who I choose to be. I won't change for your or anyone else's approval."

Viren's response, which I previously always found kind of baffling, is actually perfect:

Like, as responses to someone coming out... it's not awful, and it definitely sounds like something Viren would say. But just like Terry is affirming more than just his trans identity, what Viren is actually doing here is acknowledging the strength in who Terry has chosen to be—someone who is (I remind you) strong enough to "have all the feelings." Someone who can both act on his love for individuals he's close to, and retain his deep compassion for everyone else. Viren isn't going to try to change him, or convince him that he'll be happier another way—both because he's very, very tired and has no investment in Terry being one way versus another, and because I genuinely think some very small part of him is like, "god, I wish that were me."

Of course, what's being ignored here is whether what Terry wants to be is even possible.

... Fighting His Vegan-est Battles

So about that. As s4 winds down and we progress through s5, we obviously see a lot more of Terry, and we get a much better grip on exactly what his deal is in the dynamic between him and Claudia and dark magic:

This scene shows us several things. First, the compassion of Terry's true heart: he feels for Rayla's grief, despite the fact that she was, by all appearances, 100% prepared to cut his throat a full... ten seconds ago. Second, that Terry is at least superficially okay with Claudia's dark magic because he believes in her reasons: the only times he calls her out on her actions are when he feels they don't have her love for her father driving them—namely her tormenting Rayla and later the water dragon. And third, that Terry actually disconnects himself from Claudia's choices at the most basic level: he doesn't suggest she go back and correct her behavior, though he's presumably glad that she does. He's very much a bystander to all of her actions.

Like, he very obviously loves Claudia. We see this in his quiet, consistent care for her—anticipating her needs, focusing on her wellness when she disregards it, calming her down and/or cheering her up, even just carrying her shit around. (Like, her staffs! Both of them!) For him, it's entirely about her as a person, and a person who is fundamentally good, as all people are. She's a girl so full of love that she'd tear herself apart for it, if Terry wasn't there to pick up the pieces. He spends all of s5 making sure she doesn't have some kind of exhaustion-driven breakdown.

Then we hit s6, which is a series of crucial turning points for Claudia, that Terry... also unconditionally supports her through.

Which would be beautiful, except that Claudia's turning points tend to include thing like straight-up murdering what was, if not a child, then at least the equivalent of the family's weird but beloved dog.

Now, I don't think chewing her out over that would have been the right (or productive) thing to do. Really Terry handles her breakdown in probably the best way possible, all things considered. But after that, he treats her questioning everything she's ever believed with a degree of passivity that like... I guess would be good for a therapist, but not necessarily someone you love and have watched hurt themself with their own choices for two years straight.

CLAUDIA: Please, Terry. Tell me what to do. TERRY: Claudia, I can't. Only you can see your own deep truth. Only you can decide the path you're going to walk. You won't be alone. I'll clear out the thorny brambles if I see them, I'll hold your hand as we trudge through wet, mucky leaves. But... you have to choose the way.

Again, he's not strictly wrong, and it's a beautiful sentiment... but he offers no input whatsoever when she's weighing things like "When my dad left, I thought he lost his mind" versus "He seemed so strangely hopeful. So certain." He has no problem claiming Viren obviously found peace in s7, so it's not that he doesn't have an opinion. He just seems to not want to influence her on principle.

Maybe that's because he knows Claudia is so easily influenced and pins her identity entirely to external things or people, and he doesn't want to be another one of those. Which is valid. However, taking this position (or lack thereof) also conveniently absolves him of any responsibility for the choices she subsequently makes—they're her choices, after all. If she winds up hurting people, it's not like he could have stopped her. He'll hold her hand, as if doing so leaves no blood on his own.

This is something that starts to change at the end of s6 and into s7, mostly because suddenly Terry isn't the only influence on Claudia—if he wants her to be making her own choices in a vacuum, he has to balance out Aaravos, who has zero qualms about manipulating her when she's extremely vulnerable. Terry gets a bit more assertive to combat that manipulation, especially when Aaravos is being extremely obvious about it...

But really, by then it's too late.

However Vile

Finally, in s7, we reach the denouement of everything that has subtly been building around Terry. We find out that he has a true heart, a feature everyone is born with but most eventually lose:

More on that, and Ezran, in my eventual true heart meta.

Aaravos then sets Terry up in a very specific way—he sends Terry to find two feathers from a shimmercrow, one large and one very small. Terry happily complies, relieved that the request wasn't something "weird or creepy." However, as always with Aaravos, the task is half straightforward and half a manipulation. He uses the large shimmercrow feather to give the half-completed primal stone flight for its journey around the world, but the small feather...

Aaravos has Terry bring him to where the feathers were found, where he knows there will be both an adult crow and chicks. He brutally murders the mother crow in front of Terry, while calmly explaining how they will use her dying fear and pain to open the In-Between. It's only a key. A tool.

In the ensuing confrontation, he also drives home to Terry that a) it's too late to easily sway Claudia away from him, and b) it doesn't matter, because Claudia is also like this. Claudia uses him. Claudia tells him half-truths, ostensibly to "protect" him, but really to protect herself from him deciding to leave her.

Aaravos has a definite agenda here—he needs Terry's influence, the influence that makes Claudia question whether it's right to hide things from him, removed from her. Either Terry's true heart has to go, or he does. It's time for him to, shall we say... "get a grip":

The true heart is a gift of childhood. For a few wonder-filled years, we each have innocent eyes to experience the world's beauty in a simple way. I have seen generations of humans and elves accept the darkness that lurks in all of us beside the light. There is no black or white, only shades of gray. We must all carry complexity. But please believe me that there is beauty in this burden. Your heart will be a little heavier. But now, there will be no more half-truths, Terrestrius.

Just like in s4, it has been suggested to Terry that he let go of the identity he has chosen. The identity where he's committed to having all the feelings—crying for Ibis, pitying Rayla, mourning Sir Sparklepuff. Doing "what must be done" is positioned as now being incompatible with who he is.

And again, Terry is not going to give up who he is:

Not for anyone. He knows where the lines he has drawn are, and he won't move them just because it's Claudia who has crossed them.

So Terry leaves—but there's one thing that Aaravos has done that goes unstated, and while it's maybe not a major factor (compared to all the other major factors) in Terry leaving, it is the critical factor in his growth:

He has made Terry complicit. Without Terry, Aaravos would not have found and killed the mother bird... and he has been complicit all along. He couldn't stop Aaravos this time, but how many similar tragedies could he have stopped when it was just him and Claudia?

And so here, for the first time, he goes back to make things right. He didn't go back for Ibis, or for Rayla, or anyone else Claudia hurt in the name of love, or who he, also in the name of love, allowed her to hurt. But he goes back for the baby shimmercrows, to comfort and care for them now that their mother is gone, and he goes back to people who (rightfully) consider him an enemy, to help them stop Aaravos.

Just to make sure we really get it, they even have him say it out loud:

Should Bloom a Week or Two Early

Anyway, I think they did something really beautiful and complex with Terry, in that there's no question he loves Claudia—they took three entire seasons to show us how much he loves her, at her highest and lowest points, selflessly and unconditionally. With Callum and Rayla slowly easing back into their peak perfect romance during the same period, his love for Claudia is also not treated as less real or important. We all knew it was probably more than a little doomed, but he's not foolish or wrong to love her.

He doesn't even stop loving her, or decide she's no longer good enough for him to love. He leaves because in order to keep loving her, he has to also love himself. He won't change who he is to stay with her, because he's fought too hard to become that person. With Callum willing to give up everything he is for Rayla at a moment's notice—something that really works only because Rayla would never ask him to, and in fact is staunchly against it—Terry having a solid identity and refusing to compromise it is a reflecting alternate perspective on love.

He's also the most emotionally mature and objectively good person in the cast, but ultimately his arc shows that neither of those exempt him from doing harm passively or even actively—and growth, from that point, is acknowledging that harm and working to heal it. In a story where most of the beloved characters have done wildly questionable things or are defined by their maladaptive coping mechanisms for deep personal trauma, Terry being so generally stable and (all things considered) normal, but still able to develop and grow is actually pretty special.

And, of course, now that he's grown... he's ready for a road trip even wackier than "my girlfriend and I hauling around her dad's formerly-dead body on our way to break a fallen god out of prison."

[amuseoffyre]

Something I love about OFMD is that when they introduce Mary properly, they let her shine. Like we could be given entirely Stede's POV of their relationship, but when it comes to them giving each other gifts, we get to see hers first.

Look how excited she is to share her art with him! She's so excited and then he completely cuts the legs from under her.

And it's so critical that we see him do this to her first, so it's not her being petty and shrewish about his boat. It's showing how perfectly unsuited they are to each other. He's so oblivious to her, he has no idea she's been painting and assumes her exciting new art was done by the kids. He has zero interest in her interests.

So when we cut to the next scene and she does the same to him, it's only further emphasis about how disconnected they really are. Not only does he show no interest in what she cares about but he straight up doesn't listen when she talks to him.

And I find it especially interesting that he keeps up the pretence of trying to act appropriately excited about the painting (even though he's obviously not), Mary doesn't hide her confusion and anger that he's been ignoring her again. Stede is so used to masking to behave 'correctly' that he does it on autopilot.

So when Mary actually expresses how she's really feeling, instead of following the socially acceptable script, and actually shouts at him, you can see him emotionally shut down. "I'll get it stopped," he says at once. Course-correcting so he won't be shouted at.

And what I really, really love about the whole scene is the fact that when they receive a negative reaction to their respective exciting gifts, both of them use exactly the same body language.

It also strikes me that this may be the first time Stede has really expressed something he's wanted to her. We know he hides away to cry on his own at night and lies about it. We know he fake-smiles his way through things and pretends everything is fine, so him actually saying "what if we did something that would make me happy" and having it shot down in front of him?

"I'll get it stopped".

Because as Rhys said in an interview, Stede never expects to get a happy ending. After all, with all we know of him, he's never had a happy beginning or a happy middle. Of course he would never expect he would be allowed to be happy.

[enhaheeseung]

Toxic - L. Heeseung

Pairing: heeseung X fem reader!

Warning: toxic ex, mentions of relationships, crying, angst kinda, suggestive, drinking, party setting.

Genre: toxic relationship, ex’s to?

WC: ??? Short lol

Note: This is my first time writing a Drabble thingy so go easy on me lol half edited btw.

Toxic ex-boyfriend hee that still has friends that are friends of yours, so whenever you go out to a party or a gathering, you can expect him to be right there.

Who spots you in a crowd and casually walks up to you at one of those said parties to greet you as if you both didn’t break up a year ago because of how toxic the relationship was getting.

Who when you try to walk away from him, he’ll grab you by your wrist and gently guide you somewhere else, a bit more quiet. His hand rests beside your head on the wall behind you, the other holding a red solo cup as he bends his neck lower to talk to you. “I miss you,” he drunkenly spills out to you and sets his cup aside, his other hand going to hold your waist. His touch is barely there, yet it still burns your skin despite your clothing covering it.

Who holds you still when you try to get away, and with both of his hands now resting on your waist, you felt too weak to even move. Just his touch alone could have you in shambles. “You miss me too, right? Miss us together?” he whispers, pulling you into his chest, and the moment his cologne hits your nose and invades your senses, you helplessly melt into his arms.

Who hums in contentment when you lean against him, his palms stroking your back softly, and moments later, you hear soft sniffles, ones that you heard over the phone countless of times after your break up. He’d always do this, and you knew exactly what was coming next. You just don’t know if you had the strength this time to turn him away. “I’m sorry, y/n. I know I’m insecure, and I know I get jealous to the point of anger, but it’s just cause I love you so much and don’t want you going anywhere without me. I need you by my side and no one else’s.” he nuzzled his face against your cheek, his warm, flushed skin sending sparks throughout your whole entire body. “You know I’m selfish, baby,” he chuckled, the deep bass in his voice rumbling against your chest, leaving your heart no choice but to beat faster. “So selfish.” he holds you tighter, putting emphasis on each word as he inhales your inviting scent.

Who finally lets go when you come to your senses and push him off of you. You step away from him, trying to stabilize your shaky voice. “Heeseung…” his name hangs in the air, his eyes softening as he watched you moving further and further away from him. His heart dropped to his stomach cause even though there wasn’t even a five-foot distance. The gap was still too much for him to handle. “I have to go…”

Who can’t take no for an answer. “No,” he steps closer, holding onto you so you physically can’t leave him. “Come on, don’t do this to me, don’t do this to us, please,” he begs, the smell of alcohol still heavy on his breath.

Who can visibly see you slowly but surely getting sucked back in the longer be pleads with you, but you can’t cause you know exactly what it would lead to, yet you still just can’t step away. “Come back to me, love. You know I can change.” he bends down, hands far too low on your waist to be considered appropriate for ex’s, but you don’t mind, and you also didn’t mind when his warm lips made contact with your neck, and just like that you were his again as his kisses got wetter and sloppier you couldn’t help the moan you let out. “Yeah, baby, that’s right, moan for me. Nobody else can do you the way I can, isn’t that right?” He kissed your earlobe, and you weakly gripped his broad shoulders to hold yourself up, otherwise, you would have collapsed from the euphoric feeling of his lips making out with your sensitive neck. “Kiss me.” he leaned back, searching your eyes with his desired filled ones. He can’t help but smirk when he sees you zeroing in on his lips, the anticipation rising in his veins, and just before your lips can meet, one of your friends is dragging you away from him, and just like that, the moment is over your head is finally cleared. And as you look back at him while you’re being escorted out of the party, you can’t decipher if you feel happy that you’re not around him anymore or sad by the unmistakable look of hurt and disappointment on his face, but as the cold air hits your face, you’re just glad that the moment is over and you can finally breathe properly.

Who can’t help but feel like his life is ending when he sees you being taken away from him. Anger and jealousy bubbling in his veins, and he tries to resist running after you, but he can’t despite his friends calling for him not to. It’s just too bad that when he gets outside, it’s too late, and you’re already driving home with your friend. He touches his lips and closes his eyes to calm himself. The feel of your skin still there, and he smirks while opening his eyes and swiping his tongue on his bottom lip, knowing he’d be seeing you around.

[irkimatsu]

God will never stop my sinful hand. More Husk/Reader! Clothes stay on but it's still spicy, gonna call 18+ on this one. Husk gets to nut his pants, good for him. You and Husk make out, you discover that his wings are an erogenous zone, and good times are had by all. Completely gender-neutral reader, nothing to point it in any direction gender-wise. This is about making Husk moan, that is all

Your relationship with Husk has progressed over the past few months.

What state it’s progressed to, you’re not quite sure. You’re far from the point of declaring undying love for each other; hell, Husk is hesitant about the word “love” in general. He doesn’t want to say it, and he doesn’t want to hear it. You haven’t had sex with him, either; you have no idea how you’d ask, and he hasn’t broached the subject himself.

But that doesn’t mean that you haven’t done anything together that could be construed as special. Even if he’s in no rush to define whatever it is you two have going on, he’s still shown you plenty of his romantic side. He likes taking you out for dinner and shows, events that are way too fancy for you to merely think of them as friendly outings.

The amount of times you’ve come home from a play to immediately make out in one of your rooms, before falling asleep in the same bed, made things seem even less “friendly”.

You didn’t even need the excuse of a date to start making out. Some nights, like tonight, all it took was some drinks and conversation at the hotel bar before you were both sure that the rest of the hotel was asleep or otherwise absent. As soon as he knew it was safe to close down for the night, the two of you headed up to his room for some soft jazz music and some tender, passionate kissing. He used to be so withdrawn with you, as if afraid you’d shatter if he touched you too firmly, but he’s gotten more bold recently, taking it upon himself to hold you close in his arms.

There’s no way you’d tell him, but you prefer cuddling with him when he’s dressed down like this, only wearing suspenders without a shirt. His fur is so soft and warm, and the fewer layers of clothing between you and it, the better.

You know to be careful with your compliments. He’s confided in you that he can’t stand what he’s become as a demon, and that he wishes he still had his human body.

But you can’t deny it. Some of your favorite parts of him, physically, are the parts that aren’t human.

His hat came off his head shortly into the proceedings, so you’re free to comb your hand through the tuft of hair on his head. It’s much more messy and wild than it is on your dates; he has zero reason to style it when he’s wearing his hat. You love it like this, though. It’s one of the softest things you’ve ever touched. Could human hair ever glide beneath your fingers this wonderfully?

You’re trying not to think of it as “petting” him. You know he hates that word. Perhaps “stroking” would work better for him? You stroke the top of his head, then move down to scratch the back. He stays calm, still kissing you like normal, so you keep moving until both of your hands reach the backs of his ears.

He jolts back from the touch.

“Sorry!” you cry out immediately. “Was that too far?”

“I’m sensitive back there,” he says, one ear still twitching from the contact. “Could you warn me next time?”

“Sorry!” you repeat. You know his irritability isn’t personal against you, but you still hate hearing that tone from him…

“It’s fine,” he says, quickly softening now that the shock is wearing off. “I didn’t hate it. You just gotta warn me before you do stuff like that.”

“Do you want to keep going?” you ask. “I can leave if you want me to.”

“You’re not going anywhere.” He’s smiling again as he pulls you against his body. “Mind doing that again, now that I’m expecting it?”

You nod, and as he resumes kissing your mouth, you go back to scratching his ears. It’s a weird feeling, being able to touch someone like this during a make-out session; but you appreciate the novelty, especially when every inch of him feels so perfect beneath your fingers.

“Can you go lower?” he asks. “While scratching like that?”

You accept his request, scratching your way from his ears to his cheeks. His fur is so thick here, and it’s hard for you to pull your hands away from how divine it feels, but you have so much more to explore. You continue your scratches down to his neck, then to his shoulders. One of his suspender straps slips off while you’re scratching, and you’re dying to see how he looks when he’s slightly disheveled.

But looking would require you to stop kissing him, and you’re not ready to stop yet.

You’re so eager to feel even more of him. You touch him lower, reaching the small of his back and rubbing the spot where his wings meet his body.

He gasps and pulls away from you again. It takes him a moment to catch his breath.

“Husk?” you ask, not entirely sure what you did but already regretting it.

“...shit.” He exhales heavily. “Shit. Haven’t been touched there in a long time…”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Uh…” he laughs nervously. “Not wrong, but… you probably shouldn’t do that. Not unless…” He stops himself and shakes his head. “No. You shouldn’t.”

“Why not?” It didn’t look like it hurt him…

“It’s… an intimate spot.” Even through his fur, you can see him blushing. “Wings are sensitive. You shouldn’t touch them unless you want to turn somebody on.”

That information, combined with the sight of him with his suspender straps hanging off his shoulders, is turning some interesting gears in your head.

A playful smile grows on your face. “So what you’re saying is, if I want to turn you on…” You lean in closer, but don’t touch him yet; it’s up to him to close the gap if he so chooses.

Husk swallows. “If you want to…” He places his paws on your sides, holding you as timidly as he did when things first started. “I don’t wanna rush you into that, though.”

“You’re not rushing me.” You gently kiss his nose and scratch one of his cheeks.

You think you hear a purr in his throat, but you know better than to bring it up.

“Then go ahead,” he says, uttering it quickly to reduce the amount of time he has to spend not holding and kissing you. You quickly get back into the rhythm of things, repeating your hands’ earlier motions. He remains calm as you scratch his ears, his cheeks, his shoulders…

His waist bucks up into you when you touch the base of his wings, but he doesn’t pull away.

You start out slowly and fleetingly, not sure how much pressure he needs to feel the effects of your touches. Clearly it doesn’t take much. Within seconds, he’s squeezing you tightly and moaning into your mouth.

Where else is he sensitive, you wonder? You slowly run your fingertip along the edge of one of his wings, and his whole body shivers against yours.

“Fuck…” he mutters beneath his breath before kissing you again. “Gentle…”

You follow his request, lightly petting his wing with a single finger. It’s still enough to get him to kiss you harder and keep cursing under his breath. You run your finger back down to the joint and start pressing, steadily becoming more firm in your touch to test his reaction.

You eventually reach a point that makes him cry out, then breathe too heavily to kiss you anymore.

“Fuuuuuck…” His eyes are unfocused, and he seems unsure of what to do with himself. “Give me a second…”

You take your hands off of his body to let him compose himself. Once he’s finally aware of his surroundings again, he rests his head on your shoulder and squeezes your waist in his arms. He’s nuzzling his soft cheek against your neck, and you don’t know if it’s making you feel more ticklish or aroused.

Both? Fuck, definitely both.

“Could you scratch under them?” he asks.

You place your hands beneath his wings and begin to scratch the joints from that angle. His feathers brush against your hands as he lightly flaps to your touch, and his hot breaths on your neck are rapidly increasing in strength and tempo.

“Harder,” he moans through gritted teeth, and you comply. The sounds he’s making now are downright lewd, mixed with the occasional inhuman growl. He’s grinding his waist against your leg, and even with his pants still on it’s obvious how excited you’re making him. His current behavior is so undignified for the gentleman who’s been taking you on dates and playing you songs for the past few months.

It’s a side of him you want to see even more of.

“Fuck, I can’t stop…” he squeezes your leg between his own and grinds furiously, his rapid breaths turing into high-pitched whines. “Fuck, fuck-”

You keep on touching him, delighting in how badly it’s making him squirm. 

“Gonna- fuck-” He lifts his waist as if he’s trying to pull away from you, but the death grip his legs have on you won’t allow it. “I can’t-”

“Go ahead,” you assure him, rubbing his wing joints just a little harder.

Whether it’s from the touch or the permission, you’ve awakened something inside him. Still a mess of growls, moans, and whines, he latches his mouth onto the side of your neck and starts nipping while his hips grind furiously into your leg. You moan along with him, fingers digging into his back to keep yourself stable just as much as they are to please him. It’s not long before he’s moaning against your neck as a wet spot pools in the spot where he’s still humping you.

He falls limp in your arms, and you immediately relieve the pressure on his wings, instead choosing to gently stroke his lower back. His breathing is heavy, but steady as he nuzzles into your neck again.

“Fuck…” His vocabulary isn’t the most varied right now.

He seems so spent after that, so you carefully lay him stomach-down on the bed, making certain not to give his surely-sensitive wings the slightest bit of stimulation. He folds his arms beneath his chin, and he laughs.

“Haa… gotta do that again. It’s been forever since I felt that good…”

You’d love to cuddle him in this state, but until you can figure out how to do that without disturbing his wings, you’ll settle for sitting next to him and watching him relax.

“Hey… Husk?” You ask. “I wanna ask you something…”

“Hm?” He doesn’t open his eyes as he answers.

“Would you have let someone else do that? Would you have enjoyed it as much?”

“What are you talking about?” He’s frowning in concern, forehead creased, but still not opening his eyes.

“It’s just… I don’t know what we are. Are we together, or…?”

He reaches out to gently squeeze your hand. “I don’t like putting names on this stuff. It’s just asking for trouble. All I know is that I only want to be touched like that by someone I really trust, and right now, the person I trust that much is you.”

“And if you trusted someone else…?”

He’s laughing again. “Someone else, when I have you already? Not happening. Come on. Lay down with me.”

You lay on your stomach beside him, and he drapes his arm around you and pulls you against his side. His wing descends on you, and he winces slightly from the touch, but it’s not enough to keep him from covering you like a blanket.

“And you know…” he continues. “Not that I wanna control you… but I’d like knowing you don’t touch anyone else like that.”

“Someone else, when I have you already?”

He makes a low, amused noise as you parrot his words back at him. “Okay… good.” He squeezes you close and kisses your cheek. “Now, tell me something else.”

“What is it?”

“I wanna return the favor. Where should I start?”

[sepublic]

In hindsight it’s funny how I speculated after S1 about King and Lilith having a friendship because of similarities, not just because that happened for Hooty instead (and he needed it a lot more, it was much more based to do it with Hooty who was also the outlier in the Owl House) but also because.

Remember when King was just being a kid (something established in S2) excited to meet his dad, and then Lilith shut him down unprompted to be bitter about her own mother and project that onto King, who is devastated by the possibility??? And he actually internalizes it, with Lilith dragging him down to her level; It leads four episodes later to King being bitter about his dad and crying and lashing out in loneliness.

Not to mention Lilith just making King feel worse about being a Titan with her discomforting worship, to the point King had to walk away to be alone despite that being a dangerous thing to do; Hell he even trusts Steve because he needs anyone besides Lilith, and Hooty is not accepting criticisms of her as Steve painfully finds out. Poor King had to stand up for himself there.

I love you Lilith but uh jeez imagine if Eda found out she’d have been dead. Because after Luz, her other child needed a bad encounter and unhealthy worship too… At the same time, we saw Lilith begin to get her act together in defending her nephew, because adults should be nice to kids in general, even if they aren’t expected to be parents. King had Lilith and Eda for two months, sneaking off to meet with them when he needed a reprieve from the Collector. Because as much as he grew to enjoy the Collector, it was also a very stressful dynamic for him.

Anyhow this brings me to another point that yeah, I can see how Lilith being a bad influence to King during a volatile recovery period, and how King and Luz shouldn’t be expected to tolerate and support that over their own health (esp with Luz’s own health on the subtle decline), paired with Lilith moving out; She also needed to address her pain from someone who actually owed it to her and had that caretaker responsibility from the start.

I do find it funny/ironic with zero judgment (speaking from my own experience obviously) that a lot of us looked forward to the idea of Lilith as a mom to Amity or others and then it turned out she was just. NOT good with kids a lot of the time, she’s bad even, Lilith’s more of an aunt anyway and it’s like. Fine for her?

Lilith had a lot to work on before she could begin supporting kids, it was not her arc’s priority, a big part of her arc is about needing her own mother to support her, who is an adult but needs it and isn’t judged for that! Lilith's happiness and healing is not contingent on taking care of a kid, which is a worthwhile stance to consider from a feminist lens. And eventually Lilith reaches that point, not necessarily as a parent but definitely a proper mentor for Amity, to bookend Lilith’s growth with a nice achievement; But that’s a nice ending bonus, not a prerequisite.

Plus the thing is that for all this, Lilith is not like… demonized for it. It’s still bad and wrong and she needed to give distance to King. But her road to recovery could be messy and she could be messy and mean about it. But there wasn’t an insistence on reactively punishing Lilith for it, moreso addressing the problem constructively, and sometimes Lilith having better things was synonymous with the kids having the same with her. Kinda like how Camila was pretty harsh and even taking it personally at the end of Yesterday’s Lie, but she also realizes what she did wrong and doesn’t have to be punished, just be supportive.

Support Women’s Wrongs, not just in the literal sense, some flaws are allowed to be passed off as not big enough to address. But also in the sense that women are allowed to be flawed and messy and work on it without needing to be hated or punished, because there’s a difference between others characters feeling that way towards them and the narrative, y’know? Think TOH arguing Restorative Justice instead of Retributive Justice, building people back up instead of tearing them down further.

Kikimora was knowingly complicit in genocide and then manipulated children afterwards, but the new state shouldn’t have the authority to execute, so the worst she gets is community service, and before that Kiki’s still entitled to successful revenge against her abuser. Warden Wrath ran a prison and oversaw inhumane experiments, but still gets to live with his son. Terra and Adrian are terrible people but outside of some minor comeuppance, are allowed to live their own lives.

[hils79]

Hils Watches Tibetan Sea Flower - Ep 1

Yeah, sorry to The Spirealm but I've been very upfront about my intention to drop everything as soon as Tibetan Sea Flower came out.

I wasn't expecting it to drop overnight while I was asleep with zero warning but here we are. The DMBJ fandom is the embodiment of chaos and that extends to the way they release things too.

Also apologies to Choi San. I was going to gif you today but, well, see the above.

Apparently the official English title for this is Adventures Behind the Bronze Door but we've all been calling it Tibetan Sea Flower forever and that's also the title of the novella so I'm using that for my liveblogs. I'll use both titles in the tags.

Right, I've rambled enough. I'm going in.

Oh, god, I'm not ready.

Okay, first of all OMG LOOK AT HIS CUTE LITTLE FACE! But, also, I love that this flashback has him still looking older than he does in the retirement era movies

I mean he is not a skilled tomb raider, this is true. That doesn't stop him from trying though

Wait, that's the baby triangle! Are you telling me a 27 year old and a 44 year old are playing a character at the same age? I know I shouldn't expect logic from DMBJ but come on

Wait, is this a completely different actor? At first I thought they'd just used special effects to make Zhang Luyi look younger but I don't think that's actually him at all

Aww it's nice to see Wang Bowen back too. I do enjoy his Pangzi

Okay, but why is Young Pangzi being played by the same person who played retirement age Pangzi in the movies. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!

I don't know who this is because the drama doesn't even had a MDL page yet but I like him. He's a good baby Wu Xie. Look at his little face when Pangzi says they need to go and see if Xiaoge is still alive or not

There's our special boy!

Starting with the whump early. Love to see it.

Only 20 mins into the first episode and Pangzi is crying because he thinks he found Xiaoge's body. I'm fine. This is fine.

FFS I know he's not dead and this is still devastating

Take a drink! It's the standard DMBJ hallucination!

Oh, not even that! It was all a dream!

Bleeding himself to lower his heart rate enough to fake being dead is definitely a very Xiaoge thing to do

I guess that's one way of describing what happened

Is he...using his architecture skills to map out the Zhang ancestral home that he went to? IS HE DOING ACTUAL ARCHITECTURE?

And wipe out an entire family so it was safe for Xiaoge when he got out, but we don't need to mention that small detail

I do like that this one shot shows you how obsessed and unhinged Wu Xie was during the time Xiaoge was gone

AH HAH! Now he's Zhang Luyi!

SURPRISE JI XIAOBING XIAO HUA????

A NEW XIUXIU??? Everything happens so much!

Baby, do you know what franchise you're in?

So weird seeing Xiaoge without his hood

Well, that was a lot. And I still have another 2 episodes to watch. Good thing it's a bank holiday here today

[lizzaneia-elizalde]

Yandere! Butler x Noble! "Villain/Villainess"! Gn! Reader

Ah. I just reread Beware the Villainess for the nth time so expect our yandere for the day to be heavily inspired by Nine!

Yandere Butler name: Zero (get it? Cuz Nine's name is a number so I made our yandere's name Zero--)

notes (not really TW): slight nsfw, yandere is being used by reader, also, a bit of manipulation and breeding by the yandere (Since there is breeding, womb is present in reader.)

Zero had no qualms on making other people his priority.

He was made with that in mind, after all. Being a chimera, he was made by his creator to serve them and nothing more.

But, once Zero grew up to have a mind of his own, and having his own opinions, he was effectively kicked out of the lab. He begged and begged for his creator to take him back but to no avail.

"You were made to serve me unconditionally! But you dare question my experiments and the way I created you?! I'm your god! But you defied me, so scram!"

With a heavy heart and a lovely face filled with tears, he ran away.

He roamed the streets and promptly passed out on an alley.

Despite being a chimera, he was still built with human bodily functions. So the hunger, stress, thirst, and tiredness caught up to him.

When passerby's saw him, they turned a blind eye on him. Spitting on his body, rolling their eyes, ignoring them, or the worst of them all, pity him yet did absolutely nothing to help.

Maybe, this was his fate after all.

The punishment for going astray from his original role.

Until one day, a hand appeared in front of his face, offering him a safe place to stay.

It was you.

You were his savior, his grace, his god.

And he will do anything for you.

Anything.

Sobs can be heard from your room. It was so faint that only the keenest of ears can hear them if they strain it far enough.

You just got fooled by your fiancé, the prince, again. He called you to the palace to meet him, and you, being in love with him still, rushed to the palace with the best outfit you can wear.

But once you entered the sitting room, you saw him once more, making sweet, sweet love to a woman who wasn't you.

Ah, how many times did he do this again? Two? Three? Seven? Who counts anymore.

You were the foolish person who refused to let go of the prince and continued to torment his lover, deeming you the villain/ess in people's eyes for being opposed to "true love."

Is it really true love if it stemmed from adultery?

You always question yourself that. And it seems that even your own family is getting tired of your quick dropping reputation that's plummeting even faster than a meteorite.

You hate him. You hate him so much for making you love him. Your heart squeezes in pain as your short bursts of gasps of frustration filled your lethargic body as you continued to cry out to ease the dull ache in your soul.

You want revenge. You want him to eat shit. But how?

Zero knocked on the door. His hearing, being more advanced than a regular human, heard your sobs. He wanted to comfort you so bad, he wants to hug and kiss you, to make you forget the prince, to make you fall for him. He will not hurt you, so please give him a chance!

But Zero shook his head. "Presumptuous." He thought.

You opened your door, and Zero's heart squeezed also when he saw your tear stained face. He can see it in your eyes that you wanted revenge. You wanted to get back at the prince.

He gulped, nervousness eating him.

This is it. He can be of help to you.

He stepped forward, one, two. Then bent down to kiss your tears away. With a whisper on your ear that left shivers down your spine, his lovely and sultry voice suggested.

"Use me at your disposal, master. I am your one and only loyal servant, and I am willing to be your tool for your revenge."

His face lit up with love and lust as he saw your eyes sparking in curiousity.

"Yes, just use me." He grabbed your hand and pressed it to his warm, red cheeks. "You're my god, after all. I live to serve you."

"gah... huff... Ah..."

"Master... Hng... There, right... agh, there..."

Soft moans and gasps can be heard from the sitting room as two individuals engaged in what old conservative nobles would say, a sinful act.

"Rougher, master... Don't... Ah~ worry about... Me!"

Zero's voice can be heard, pleading his master, you, to take him more rougher and faster. You being on top of him, pressing down on his tall, lean, and muscular body that sweated with heat and speckled with bodily fluids, he looks so blissful and so euphoric.

You and Zero have been making rounds on the local gossip and tabloids. The noble y/n who's engaged to the prince has found a man? And it's their butler?!

Scandalous!

Outrageous!

But also, exciting!

Everyone loved the gossip. Everyone loved the drama. The prince had a lover, so why can't you?

People looked on the situation with keen and sharp eyes. They want more of this. Some suspected that this is all a ruse by you, the villain/ess of the prince's and his lover's relationship. They think you're faking your relationship with Zero!

But how can it be faked when you declined the prince's invitation to be his partner on the royal ball, and instead went with your hot butler? Some also saw both of you make out in the gardens!

How... SInful!

Yet people can't turn away!

And one of the people that can't turn away is the prince. He wants answers, now!

So he's running to your mansion and will demand answers.

But, what if he's the one to catch his own fiance/e making sweet, sweet love to their lover?

And what if, that lover, somehow manipulated the fiance/e into letting him breed a child in them?

Zero shakily touched your abdomen. It already has a slight bump on it as you continued to bounce on top of him. He grinned. His eyes dark, hazy, and full of obsession as he groaned from the pleasure. Your sounds of euphoric release also urged him to climax also inside of you once more.

"Yes, master." Zero said with a trembling voice, just coming down from his high. "I think, having this child between us will effectively make the prince finally end the engagement between you two."

Sweet, dumb you, only nodded with a shiver as you laid on top of him. You were totally convinced that this was the right choice and plan.

At first, you were apprehensive. After all, pregnancy? Isn't that too much? Also, he's a chimera. That's impossible.

But once you saw him experimenting on himself and applying alchemic practices on his own body to make the plan possible, you knew he would do anything to help you and serve you. So you agreed.

You got swayed that easily.

He smiled sweetly. His lovely and innocent face calmed you down as he kissed your forehead. Faint shouts can be heard from outside the sitting room and both of you readied to face the prince one last time.

Zero smirked under his breath.

After all, you were his god, his lover.

He will do anything to serve you.

He will do anything to have you.

[calware]

what r some of ur fav Hal fics? Currently looking 2 read some and would love some recs!

sure thing!!

fics that are specifically about hal:

Reallocated by breezefulskies mature - chose not to use archive warnings - 324,756 words - 65 chapters (unfinished) Hal finds himself stranded aboard a certain meteor, impact-bound for Houston, Texas circa 1995. And everything spirals out from there. Because sometimes, when a system seems to be just short of defunct, all that is required is to take a step back and reevaluate the materials at hand and redistribute your available resources. And so, with birth comes a countdown on a cycle that begins as it ends: In the red.

hal is mysteriously sent to earth via unknown means and finds himself raising a baby as best as he can, which, given that he's glasses, is not easy. this is my favorite homestuck fic, not just because it's about hal, but also because i love the focus on family dynamics and the plot as it unfolds. begging everyone to read this, i can't say what happens exactly without spoiling things, it's just really really good. at the moment, it updates once a month

Ersatz Abyss by katreal mature - no archive warnings apply - 120,092 words - 39 chapters (unfinished) You look into the mirror to find your own face looking back at you. You laugh. And then you cry. Last, you try and figure out how you got to this moment. The Auto-Responder had long since resigned himself to an artificial existence, his only dwindling hope for escape hinging on a promise that has yet to be fulfilled. Then one day he wakes up, Dirk nowhere to be found. What's the point in getting what you want, if you can't show off a little?

another great hal fic. i managed to get my roommate (who has not read homestuck) to read this and they really enjoyed it, so i'm sure you all won't have any problems liking this one either. there are a lot of fics out there of hal getting a body, but this one is very different in that it's not the happy ending that you might first think it is. this fic perfects the feeling of everything snowballing into a bigger and bigger problem until it all falls apart

fics that have hal in them:

Bound in Ink and Iron by cyphertext (@4lph4kidz) teen - no archive warnings apply - 18,627 words - 3 chapters (unfinished) A prisoner in his own kingdom, the Prince of Derse seeks his freedom through the inadvisable use of a magic mirror. While making his escape he finds himself lost and in the company of a strange boy who lives alone in the ruins of his grandmother’s cottage. Both cursed, both hunted, they agree to travel together in the hopes that they can find some way to save their loved ones from their terrible fates. Or so the story goes.

hal is in this one for one chapter. but so far there are only three chapters... which means he's there for a whole third of the fic ^_^ but for real, i really like the way zero portrays him here. i am a supporter of evil shadow clone rights

Tennessee Whiskey & You by mistlafey teen - graphic depictions of violence, major character death - 12,217 words - 5 chapters (unfinished) When Dirk dies after an aneyursm, Hal and Jake have difficulties coping. Jake drinks to forget, and eventually Hal can't handle drunk Jake and his own grief - so he turns that into anger. “I’m not him, Jake! I can’t fucking- I can’t fix you. Dirk is gone and you don’t get to pretend he isn’t anymore. I can’t be Dirk, and every time you try to tell me I am it fucking hurts. There’s nothing left for you here. If Dirk was the only person that filled a void in you, there is nothing left to make you whole.”

i honestly have no idea how this is going to go but the bar scene in this one lives in my head rent-free. idk if it's ever going to update again though. hal fans forever forced to take what we can get

Falling for the First Time by nobrandhero teen - no warnings apply - 63,818 words - 11/17 chapters The game is over, Alpha Earth resets to 2009, and Dirk's bro doesn't live up to expectations. The movie director who appears so chill and stoic in interviews is actually a talkative, needy dweeb like his teenage counterpart. It's not a bad thing, as far as Dirk's concerned.

for whatever reason, i'm a sucker for fics where the characters somehow end up on earth again post-game, and out of all the fics that follow that concept this one is my favorite. hal is also there sometimes

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I'm All Over the Place, and so are the shows

Organized, in each category, by ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Nov 2023 Wk 5

Ongoing Series - Thai

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 4 of 12 - The Jasmine flirting thing was so darn cute, I can’t. I love these two so much. 

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 2 of 10 - Oh it’s great. Flirting. Fighting. Fate. Murder. Eventually we’ll add fucking. A trifffecta. I could do with a bit less training but whatever. And we have learned our boys are laboring under a geis. NO SINGING. Otherwise this ep was actually pretty flipping great. 

My Dear Gangster Oppa (Thurs iQIYI) ep 6 of 8 - Ooo kidnapping and the sides are suffering betrayal. Also Tew kills again. I like that they don’t shy away from the fact that he’s a killer and Guy was genuinely scared.  And then Tew had to break up with Guy to protect him in Noble Sacrifice (tm). How Cdrama of him. Rough ep all round. 

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 - It’s not exactly good, but it’s better than I was expecting, and I tend to cut pulps a lot of slack out the gate. The plot is more interesting, Him is a sweetie (I like that in a seme) and our uke has both game and pluck. He’s a femme bitch, I LOVE that in a boy + we never get it femme in the lead. The acting is not great, sound all over the place, but there are no terrible sound effects, the soundtrack is okay, and our high heat came with a side of BJ + condoms, and no one has sung (yet), so I think I like it. It’s giving me Big Dragon vibes.

Linguistic moment: 

Him used Him/ter for pronouns & ha. Very flirty. Nail used rao back a little bit of a challenge. (No pom and didn’t use his own name either.) Gauntlet thrown. Our baby ends up with rao/kao but I don’t think that’ll stick. Him is getting Phi out of him if it's the last thing he does.

Bake Me Please (Mon Gaga) ep 2 of 6 - The characters’ shared backstory is no surprise but I do like this show. Those little private smiles as they find family. Those lingering gazes as they find romance. Lovely. Also Shin wants to marry into Peach's family so bad, I’m reminded of Laurie in Little Women. All that said, it’s never the top of my list to watch for some reason. 

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) 1 of 12 - How could I have forgotten how stunning Off is? Meanwhile… I love Gun’s character, he's so cute. But this show is a bit too comedic for me. I wish GMMTV were taking this script seriously. Sorry Neo et al I’m not sold on the sides. In general? I don’t love it. I don’t hate it either. In other news, I think I'll go make toast.

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 14 - I love the sides and unholy amount and in general it was fine this week probably because I decided to do a trash watch.

Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 5 of 10 - I’m getting fatigued. Also holy random sex Batman. Where did these extra sides come from? I’m confused. Tonal pingpong going on, and not just in the shower.  

Middleman’s Love (Fri YT & iQIYI ep 4 of 8 - Finally a direct confession Jade can’t avoid. Will things get a bit more serious?

Absolute Zero (Weds iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - I don’t know why I watch this show, the acting is great, but it just makes me cry.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 3 of 14 eps - What a bonkers thing this is. Very kinky and also just odd. I do keep thinking about the pinks with it. Similarly, there doesn’t seem much glue holding this thing together, dried cum of course but not glue. And despite what some kinksters say, the one cannot replace the other.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) Fake Love ep 15 of 24 - This is a weird installment. Too stalker and random blackmail for me. But not as bad as abuse and death, I guess? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

A Breeze of Love (Korea iQIYI) eps 7-8fin - Not much of a love triangle in the end (you just found out he is actually gay and broken hearted = an opportunity not a tragedy). Meanwhile I like that the high school break up was just mr insomniac's fault. He got jealous and angry and petty. No miscommunication just an asshole kid. I did find this show a little slow, even though it was your standard length KBL. Odd that. They are very cute boyfriends tho. 

All in all:

Tsundere insomniac grump reunited with his sunshine jock ex (human sleeping pill) who now hates him. Basketball is also involved. While the simplicity of a reunion plot makes this more cohesive than most KBLs, it is a tad stiff and slow, never managing to lift itself out of "pretty and pretty enjoyable" - I liked it but I don’t think I’m going to remember much about it. 8/10

VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - It has the feel of a one act, with such a limited cast and location, which reminds me of KBL. Still watching these two quietly fall in love and process affection through their own art forms is sweet. This is a very soft gentle show. 

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) - Toki, a delinquent but pure-hearted kid falls in love with his handsome phys-ed teacher, Sahara. This is very much my trope but very manga campy, which I don’t love. I’m quite torn. Toki is an idiot but a lovable one. But do I like it?

It's Airing But...

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). He has dimples (My Ride) but I don't think even dimples can motivate me to watch. You can tell me how this goes if you can find it.

SHADOW (Thai Gaga) 14 eps - I'm not wild about Thai horror (or horror at all) even one featuring Singto and Fluke. I'm holding off. If told it's good, I'll binge.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes, so I'm waiting to binge if told it's safe.

Beyond The Star (Weds iQIYI) 8 eps - House of Stars meets Boyband. I was NOT impressed with ep 1. Waiting to be told if I should bother.

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - I find this series more fun to binge, so I'm waiting until it completes its run.

In case you missed it

One Room Angel (Japan Gaga) finished. Adaptation of Harada’s manga (which I did not like) about a clerk who (nearly) dies and ends up cohabitating with an angel. I was warned that the ending would not work for me so I decided not to bother.

My Biker BL short movie from Wayu supposedly premiered Nov 27 on their YouTube Channel for Members to watch. I couldn't find anything further. The MDL description makes me think it's not for me so I bother.

Next Week Looks Like This

Short list of the December offerings.

12/9 Cherry Magic (Thai remake) YouTube 10 eps

12/9 Behind the Shadows (Korea movie) ??

12/14 Dear Kitakyushu (Thai/Japan movie) ??

12/23 Dead Friend Forever (Thai horror) iQIYI

Original 2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED). With the end of the year upon us I'll do an "announced for 2023 but never happened list" soon.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I love these dudes so much, and make no mistake they def dudes. On point banter, my dudes. (Sign)

Yes they are cute but so far that's all this show has going for it. (Middleman's Love)

I'm a simple human, I just like seeing Off kneeing. (Cooking Crush)

(Last week)

[memescomicswriting]

It's Nice to Have A Friend

Ch 2: There's Many Different Ways That You Can Kill The One You Love

Summary: Fate is cruel on how it goes about obtaining its desires. It must be fate, because there is no other explanation for how perfectly molded Y/N and Helaena are to one another. They complement one another like opposite sides of a coin. Where Helaena is shy, Y/N is outgoing. Helaena has a photographic memory. Y/N has emotional inteligence. They have the right temperament to be the missing piece in one another’s lives. Ying and Yang. Then there are the boys. Love them or hate them, they’re there. Even the adults cannot escape the Targaryen chaos, and the fallout doesn’t spare the minors simply because they’re adolescents. Follow how Y/N and those around her carve out lives for themselves amongst the weight of the Targaryen legacy in a modern Westeros.

Word Count 9.4K

Pairings: Aegon x Y/N, Aemond xY/N, hints of Jace x Y/N, Platonic! Helaena x Y/N, Father Figure! Harwin x Y/N, Mother Figure! Rhaneyra x Y/N, Mother Figure! Alicent x Y/N

Warnings: 18+ you’ve been warned

Lots of profanity, sexual innuendos, drug and alcohol use, boys being stupid jerks, infidelity, divorce, eventual smut

A/N: God this chapter was such a task to write, but really enjoyable too. We see Y/N a year after moving in with Harwin and then six years after moving in with Harwin. For any age/timeline confusion, please check the Background information

Chapters drop on Thursdays. Please, please, please, please share your thoughts. I wanna hear them. I don't bite, promise!

Sereies Masterlist

It was no secret that Harwin had absolutely zero idea what to do with a girl. Even after a year with Y/N. He was as loving and supportive as anyone could hope for in a father figure. He encouraged her bike riding, various sport interests, and taught her how to kick the crap out of any boy who dared look at her wrong. Where he got lost- the hormones, attitude, and subtleties. Even his childhood friends, male, on the more sensitive side could not compare to the urgency a young teenage girl put onto every aspect of her life. Probably because they all had the attention span of a goldfish back then.

She can’t get her hair back into the perfect ponytail. Her hair is ugly and awful! No, she HAD to have the latest game console because all her friends have it and she was being left out. Arya must hate her because she didn’t sit with her at lunch today! Any inconvenience was a potentially life altering event. Harwin didn’t find Y/N less than a boy for it. They certainly had their own complications. He just didn’t know what to do about it. His own mother passed when he was young. So he had next to no insight on girls in general. Then the period came.

Late one night Harwin was awoken by muffled crying. That wasn’t an odd phenomenon in the apartment. Y/N lost her parents. She had every right to cry. Harwin always made sure to check in. If she wanted him to hold her, he would. If she wanted space, he’d give her that. What he didn’t expect was the bathroom light on, sink blasting, and Y/N fervently scrubbing blood off of her night bottoms. When they made eye contact, Y/N broke out into full sobs. It took some time, and encouraging deep breaths, to understand the entirety of the situation. Y/N woke up feeling like she needed to use the restroom. Then she felt it. The wet. Y/N panicked, flipped the light, and was horrified. She couldn’t understand what was going on. Obviously her mother hadn’t gotten the chance to explain what she’d one day go through.

Harwin felt helpless. There she was tired, sobbing like the world was ending, and he didn’t know how to comfort her. Mimicking her frantic energy, Harwin began sending texts and making calls at 3 am. He didn’t stop until he received the call he needed.

There was the click of the phone connection, a breath to say something, but Harwin anxiously spoke first. “Rhaenyra.”

Any annoyance that she might have expressed jerked to concern. She sat up against the headboard. Joffrey just fell asleep after a nightmare. She spoke as directly as she could while maintaining a whisper. “What’s wrong?”

Gods bless Harwin. He hadn’t been gifted a glossary for teenage girl issues. “Y/N got her period.” It was blunt, directly to the point. There was no other way he could formulate the night's events into a gentle analogy.

Rhaenyra let out a reminiscent chuckle. Her father acted the same way. He was panicked as well, but above all, concerned. It clued her in on how much he cared for her. “Well she is of that age.”

“Rhaenyra.” He repeated her name with more strain. His voice hushed as he shifted away from Y/N’s door. “She’s bleeding and crying. I can’t seem to explain this to her in a way that doesn’t make the crying worse. Her bed’s a mess and I have nothing for her to use.”

Though he had difficulty understanding the more dramatic of her female tendencies, sometimes he entirely forgot that she was a girl. He didn’t think of her as a boy, just a kid who needed him. His kid. The simple biological inevitable had slipped past his radar.

“Okay, okay.” Rhaenyra straightened her tone. “Stop trying to explain it. Tell her everythings going to be okay. Strip the bed and let her know it’s just bedding. It’s disposable. Let her run a bath or shower or whatever she wants. While she does that, quickly go to the twenty-four hour pharmacy. Get sanitary wipes, small pads with wings, pain reliever if you don’t already have some, an electrolyte drink, and if they have them, period underwear. It will specifically say period underwear.”

“I-” Harwin nodded, committing the list to memory. “I can do that.”

“When you get back, put her to bed. Everything will be better in the morning.” Rhaenyra let out a sigh. She brushed her loose hair out of her eyes and over her head. “Bring her by the house tomorrow. You can take the boys and I’ll.. I’ll explain things to her.”

Harwin let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Thank you Rhae.”

Harwin hadn’t explained much the next morning. He didn’t want to traumatize the poor girl more. Though there was protest about leaving the apartment in her condition, Y/N relented and got in the car. She was confused and a tad fearful when she recognized the driveway they’d pulled into.

“I can’t go in there Harwin.” When they’d parked, she jumped in her seat and clung to his arm. “The boys! The boys will want to play and I- I can’t do that!”

Harwin ran his hands down her hair stopping to caress her cheeks. “I promise you everything will be alright. The boys won’t bother you.”

She didn’t have much time to protest. Rhaenyra slipped out of the house and made her way to the car. The two older boys came barrelling out of the house and into the front lawn. Laenor followed behind with little Joffrey in his arms. Betrayal flashed in Y/N’s eyes and it struck Harwin right in the heart. She turned back to the outside world when the car door was opened for her.

“Hi Y/N. I hope you don’t mind the boys borrowing Harwin for the day. They’ve been very eager for this all boys adventure.” Rhaenyra saw the silent exchange between the two and thought that pretending this was a scheduled event would help defuse the tension. “But I didn’t want you to feel left out, so I invited Helaena to come over and have a girls day with us. She’ll be here in an hour or so. Come on in and wait with me. I saved some breakfast treats for you.”

Harwin mouthed a thank you behind Y/N’s back. He knew it wasn’t easy for Rhaenyra to talk to Alicent, but the fact she had to, to get Helaena for the day was an immense act of kindness to him. If he wasn’t already, he would’ve fallen in love with her then and there.

“I’ll be back later today.” He squeezed Y/N’s hand for reassurance. “Maybe we’ll return with pizza.” One of the boys shouted in excitement with the mention of pizza.

Like a wounded puppy, Y/N slunk out of the car mumbling some agreement. The boys rushed past her to climb in the vehicle. Laenor gave her a farewell smile.

Rhaenyra’s house was large. It needed to be to accommodate her family. Her father gifted it to her when she married Laenor. Though the exterior gave off the assumption of wealth, the interior was warm and inviting like a family home ought to be. All the furniture was a shade of beige to hide unavoidable stains that came with multiple boys. Plush pillows added accents of color. Dogs circled Y/N with excitement. A cat was hiding from the chaos on a bookshelf.

The kitchen reflected the morning’s creations. Mixing bowls were stacked in the sink with syrup covered plates. There were spots of flour on the counter. They never hired a personal chef. Rhaenyra and Laenor enjoyed teaching the boys how to cook and care for themselves.

A spot at the counter was cleared off for Y/N. Rhaenyra brought out french toast to heat up. Fruit was cut and mixed into a bowl. Butter and whipped cream had their own dish. Rhaenyra served Y/N and she let her hunger push her manners aside.

Rhaenyra found the girl amusing. She’d always wanted a daughter. They thought Joffrey would be a girl, but they were wrong. Maybe Y/N was a chance to practice for the day she was blessed with a little girl. Maybe Y/N was as close as she’d get.

Y/N’s eyes shot up from her plate when she heard Rhaenyra’s interest. With a tender smile, Rhaenyra tucked piece’s of Y/N’s hair behind her ear like she’d seen Harwin do for her comfort. “I’m glad you’re enjoying your food. Especially without much mess. My boys would’ve launched berries at one another by now.”

Y/N giggled. A twinkle came back to her. “I like to eat my berries more than I enjoy throwing them.”

Rhaenyra burst into giggles of her own with the unexpected remark. “Then you’re welcome to eat as many berries as you like.”

“Thank you.” Y/N hummed while taking a bite of her food. Her feet swung beneath her as the stool was too high for her feet to touch the ground. “Harwin is an alright cook but he likes these nasty shakes and snack bars. He says they’re good for you because they’ve got a lot of protein, but I don’t believe him.”

“I don’t blame you. They are unappetizing.”

While Y/N finished her food, Rhaenyra had excused herself to the other room to cue up music and movies on the TV. The snack bin and fridge were restocked the night before and the boys were prohibited from touching them under penalty of no sweets for a week. Once finished, Y/N placed her plate in the sink and went to find Rhaenyra. Two rooms over, Rhaenyra was curled up on the couch without her slippers and a coffee mug in her hand. Y/N didn’t know what to expect but she took a seat on the opposite end.

“How are you feeling?” Rhaenyra asked with gentle concern.

“I’m.. I’m fine, thank you.” Y/N avoided direct eye contact, but would glance in Rhaenyra’s direction with worry.

“That’s good.” Rhaenyra nodded along though she knew better. “Your first period can be scary.”

Y/N jumped like Syrax the cat when she was startled. 

“I know you might feel betrayed by Harwin informing me, but he did so out of concern. It sounds like you were awfully upset last night and that’s no way to be over something natural. And since he couldn’t attest to what you’re going through, he trusted me to.” Rhaenyra didn’t try to invade the girl’s space but she kept her body language open if Y/N wanted personal contact.

“I didn’t know my body could do that. I thought I was hurt and, and,” She hiccuped. “And I didn’t want Harwin to be mad about the mess.”

“That mess isn’t one anyone would be mad at.” Rhaenyra reassured her. “It’s something that you can’t control when it happens, but you get better at guessing when it’ll start.”

“I don’t remember my mom having that kind of mess.” Y/N admitted in a barely audible mumble.

“Because us grown women have had practice and we’re good at containing it.”

“So this will happen again?”

“And again, every month for many years. Every woman goes through it. It’s something that bonds us together. I won’t lie to you. It is never enjoyable, but it becomes normal to you.”

“I don’t want this to happen again. What if it happens at school? What if someone sees?” Streams of tears formed down Y/N’s cheeks and she flung herself into Rhaenyra’s waiting lap.

Rhaenyra encircled the girl in her arms and kissed the top of her forehead. “That’s the thing about us girls, we look out for each other. You’ve got Helaena and she’d never let that happen to you. And you, you’d help her too. Wouldn’t you?”

Y/N nodded against Rhaenyra’s chest. “So you see. It will all be alright.” She rocked a bit, like she would with her boys when they skinned a knee or bruised an arm. “And I’ll be here to answer any questions you might have.”

“Thank you.” The gratitude was soft and high pitched. It showed off how young twelve truly was. It didn’t take long for Y/N to fall asleep against Rhaenyra’s chest. She hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before and Rhaenyra was so safe and warm. Eventually Rhaenyra had to slip out of Y/N’s grasp. She made sure to slowly lower the girl back onto the cushion. The throw was placed over her peaceful sleep.

It’d taken Alicent longer than expected to drop Helaena off. Daeron was no older than Joffrey, but fussier. She hoped that meant he’d be a calmer adolescent as his brothers had been the opposite. Today, Aemond decided he didn’t like the face Aegon made. The children’s play room turned into a boxing arena. Viserys was of no help. Locked in his study. He insisted he needed to work on some project before taking the boys for the day. The nanny had the day off. But since Rhaenyra had been the one to ask for Helaena, he could make time for his sons. Any other day, if Alicent had asked, there’d be some excuse. She was bitter that it took Rhaenyra asking for Viserys to remember he had other children. All the same, she was happy to enjoy some time with just her girl.

Alicent had difficulty understanding Helaena. Her boys drove her to her wit's end, but she grasped why they were the way they were. They were young boys. Helaena though, she was not a typical young girl. She couldn’t stand going to the salon with Alicent. Something was always too loud or smelled too strong. At times, if the light was too bright it bothered her. She didn’t like her nails painted or someone cutting her hair. As a toddler she fought to escape the dresser’s chair. Rather than dresses with frills she preferred plain fabrics of the same texture. She loved the outdoors and anything that crawled. Her brothers were wild. Helaena just liked wild things. And she was smart, so smart. She knew what was going on around her at all times and comprehended her surroundings with the ability of someone twice her age.

The word Autism was brought up in early elementary school. Helaena was ahead of her peers academically, but she had difficulty interacting with them. She’d often cry in class for no apparent reason. Allicent vehemently rebuked any teacher who suggested something was wrong with her daughter. To Alicent, to admit she might be different was to admit she was defective. Helaena got better at controlling her reactions and regulating her behaviors. Masking, they called it. Still Alicent refused to accept they needed help. It wasn’t until Alicent noticed how Helaena plucked her eyelashes away and the bruising from pinching her arm that she finally relented. High functioning, that was the diagnosis. As an adult, Helaena would most likely blend in with everyone else, but she’d always struggle. There would always be something too loud, too bright, or taste wrong. However, now she had access to therapies and medications to help with her anxiety. Helaena could almost be normal.

Though she’d typically loathe the idea of time with Rhaenyra, Alicent saw how Helaena thrived with Y/N’s friendship. The girl could be quiet for Helaena’s sensitive ears. She also enjoyed being outside and tolerated Helaena’s interest in oddities. Y/N had the patience to listen while Helaena rambled on and on about her latest discovery. And because Y/N would go along with Helaena’s tendencies, Helaena in turn trusted Y/N when she suggested something outside her comfort zone. Maybe it was Y/N’s time spent with only her parents as company that made her more mature with other children. Alicent didn’t know anything beyond what she could see. What she could see was how Helaena’s lashes grew back and her actions grew bolder. For that, Alicent could view Y/N no less as a gift from the seven. She could even keep Aegon on a leash. Anyone who lightened her parenting load had Alicent’s favor.

So yes, she’d tolerate Rhaenyra if it meant bringing Y/N some comfort and Helaena time with her best friend. In a way, she projected herself onto Y/N. She lost her parents at the same age Alicent lost her mother. Like Alicent was, Y/N was surrounded by more male figures than female. Y/N presented more average female interests in comparison to Helaena. She’d let Alicent hug her. Y/N would even seek out a hug on occasion, though she was hesitant. Alicent was not her mother but the mother of her friend. Y/N was astute and kind as Alicent was as a girl. It was wrong, and she felt overwhelmed with guilt after, but on occasion she’d catch herself wishing Y/N was her daughter instead.

Rhaenyra greeted Alicent and Helaena at the door. With hushed breaths, she explained the details of the situation to Alicent. Alicent, in turn, was horrified for the girl and disapproving of Harwin. She held back her thoughts on the latter. She made a mental note to gently pull Y/N aside the next time she came over.

Helaena had made her way to Y/N off Rhaenyra’s instruction. She stood over her friend. Her head cocked to the side in the curiosity of her friend’s sleeping form. Silently, Helaena plopped down on the small space between Y/N and the couches end. This made Y/N stir.

“Helaena?” Y/N asked in her groggy haze.

“You sleep well. You don’t snore. Aegon and Daeron snore.” True to herself, Helaena was matter of fact as she tended to be.

“That’s good.” Y/N yawned and stretched. “We couldn’t share a room at sleepovers if I snored and kept you up.”

“No, we couldn't,” Helaena nodded her head in agreement. “My mom made me bring you one of my swimsuits. I hope I picked one you like.”

Helaena held up a blue and green striped one piece. Y/N took it and looked it over. How was she going to swim today? Wouldn’t she be like a squid with ink in the water. Helaena had told her of squids last week after watching an ocean documentary.

As if sensing her apprehension, Rhaenyra and Alicent appeared in the archway of the room. “You’ll be alright.” Rhaenyra reassured.

The girls spent the day swimming in the Targaryen-Valyrian pool. Y/N preferred this pool to Helaena’s. This pool had a diving board, slide, and sprinklers. Sometimes, Laenor and Harwin would bring out a net for pool volleyball. Rhaenyra engaged with the girls. Alicent tried, but at some point she found her way to a lounge chair to scroll on her phone. Helaena had a grand time sharing why mermaids couldn’t be real but lit up when Rhaenyra explained they could still pretend. The pool was adjacent to the guest house if they needed anything. Lunch was Doordahsed.

When they had their fill of the pool, Rhaenyra set up a movie for the girls. Though Helaena was adverse to most physical contact, she was content with Y/N’s weight against her on the couch. They settled on the Jungle Book. It had animals for Helaena and a plot for Y/N. They shared their snacks. Alicent and Rhaenyra respected each other’s distance. 

Neither realized how much time had passed till the boys appeared with a cacophony of boyish laughter. As promised, they brought pizza. Rhaenyra’s sons bypassed their mother at the sight of their aunt and Y/N. They had to tell them about their day. Helaena liked her nephews but could only tolerate them so much, but they were better at boundaries than her brothers so it appeared she liked them more. Alicent exchanged pleasantries with Laenor and Harwin. Sensing out of place, she called for Helaena claiming it was time to leave. Though Rhaenyra offered for them to stay, Alicent insisted that they had to get home to check on the boys. Helaena and Y/N whispered their secret goodbyes. Probably plotting when they could see each other again. Then Alicent and her daughter left. The remaining children missed the knowing glances the adults shared amongst themselves.

When it was time for bed, Rhaenyra insisted Y/N and Harwin spend the night. She had everything Y/N would need. Jace’s clothes, though for a boy, fit Y/N just fine to sleep in. The boys could make a fort on a bedroom floor and enjoy the night together. Once all the adolescents were asleep, the adults talked over glasses of wine.

“I don’t know how to explain it. Your girl must be magic.” Rhaerya pronounced as she took her seat next to Harwin. With the boys and Y/N asleep, they could be free with their affections.

“Must be.” Laenor agreed. He sat opposite the paramours. “How else could you explain Alicent being almost pleasant.”

“She’s a special girl.” Harwin mused before becoming a bit more melancholy. “I just hope I’m doing enough for her.”

Rhaenyra took Harwin’s hand in hers and made him lock eyes. “You may not be her father but you’re a great dad.”

“She’s thriving and she loves you.” Laenor reassured.

“I just see how much joy she gets being around Helaena, the boys, you, and then I think of moments like last night. When I wasn’t what she needed.” Harwin sighed and leaned back against the couch.

“You did your best.” Rhaenyra consoled.

“And actually, we’ve been thinking…” Laenor began which peaked Harwin’s interest. “Since Y/N is happy here, and since you’ve had less time for Rhae and the boys since assuming responsibility for her-”

In excitement, Rhaenyra cut in. “Move into the guest house! Like you said, Y/N has so much joy when here. The boys love her. We love her like one of our own. The boys love you, and I miss you.”

“It takes a village.” Laenor reasoned. “You wouldn’t be raising her alone anymore.”

“I, I don’t know what to say.” Harwin’s brows creased in consideration.

“Think it over.” Offered Rhaenyra. “There isn’t a deadline to the offer.”

Harwin and Y/N moved in by the end of the summer. The guest house was relatively the same size as the apartment. Y/N’s person wasn’t upheaved by a move. She’d spent most of her life moving. It was a tad strange. The arrangement. The adults explained it away to the children as they were all family and families lived together. The fact Harwin was their biological father was no secret. The explanation given when asked was Laenor couldn’t have children. That played at people’s hearts and ceased further questioning. However, to everyone but the three primary adults and uncle Qarl, Rhaenyra and Laenor were truly a married couple. In love and all. Oh how wrong they were.

Alicent always held her suspicions. Rhaenyra and Laenor moved to quick into marriage. They never expressed trying for children. Yet one day, Laenor couldn’t have kids, Rhaenyra was pregnant, and they used close family friend Harwin as the sperm donor. Viserys, Corlys and Rhaenys never questioned it. Then again, they never looked too hard into their children’s activities. Viserys would hear none of it any time Alicent tried to broach the conversation. She had no proof other than her perceived suspicions. 

That was, until Y/N came to Helaena crying one day.

….

No one who spent Yuletide with the Targaryens could say it was an uneventful experience. One would think the children were the root of all mischief, but really, it was the adults who couldn’t behave. Viserys wanted the family to spend the holiday together. Easier said than done. You had Alicent, her children, and on occasion her father. Then there was Rhaenyra, her children, Harwin, Y/N, and Leanor who brought Qarl, openly, for the last several years. Two-thirds of the Yule celebrations Y/N attended, Damon, Leana, and their daughters attended. If both Leanor and Leana were in attendance, then Rhaenys and Corlys were to be expected as well. That many adults with interwoven history kept things interesting.

There was the year Damon forgot how old his niece and nephews were. He bought each a preschool aged, drivable, electric dragon. Despite the older children being in their early teens, they enjoyed the gifts more than those of the intended age. The gathering room became their race track. Several holes in drywall, a busted floorboard, and one trip to urgent care later and the remaining dragons were locked in the garage.

Once Viserys called Alicent Aemma after one too many glasses of punch. Leana strengthened it hours prior, insisting this was not the children’s bowl. That made breakfast the next morning very awkward for everyone in the house. When it became clear that not only did Viserys not remember the slip up, but was oblivious to the tension, Aegon started an over under on how long it would take for Alicent to lose it. They made it to the Yule dinner.

The year of Rhaenyra and Leanor’s divorce was particularly awkward. Rhaenyra refused to speak to Alicent months prior. They hadn’t been in the same room since “the incident.” The children had to convince her to attend rather than host her own gathering. Rhaenyra spent the entire affair staring daggers into Alicent. Leanor, though not as volatile, didn’t do much to ease the tension. His idea of a petty come back was inviting Qarl. Alicent was uncomfortable with her guest’s lifestyle- as she called it. Harwin, bless him, tried but he also had zero tolerance for any disrespect towards his soon to be wife or family. That included Leanor and Qarl. Though Rhaenyra and Leanor’s marriage was founded partially out of fear of coming out to Corlys and Rhaenys, they’d taken things rather well. They were saddened that their son thought they’d ever reject him over something he had no control over. Screw outdated Faith of the Seven views on homosexuality. Leanor was their beloved son. Jace, Luke, and Joffery were as much Leanor’s as they were Harwin’s. Rhaenys and Corlys loved their grandchildren none the less, and neither had issue with reminding Alicent how she outed their son and nearly destroyed his family. Laena was worse, as she was fiercely protective of her brother. If she saw one of her nephews shed a single tear, no matter the cause, Alicent was to blame. Daemon lived for the drama and fanned the flames. Rhaenyra’s boys were in turmoil as their entire world just shifted. Aegon and Aemond used it as an insult whenever there was a disagreement. Y/N was stuck in a cycle of anger and timid guilt. She regretted she said anything to Helaena in the first place. She was mad at Alicent for not caring who she hurt on her never ending quest to defame Rhaenyra. She was mad at Rhaenyra and Harwin for putting her in the situation to begin with. She felt guilty every time the boys looked her way. Viserys was beside himself as there was no respite in fights to break up. He almost fainted when Rhaenyra and Leanor brought the divorce papers to Yule Night and used the gathering to throw a parting ceremony.

It was only tradition that the Yule of Y/N’s senior year was a disaster as well. The dining table was the battlefield. Words were weapons. Feelings were cannon fodder.

After gathering everyone’s attention, Viserys stood from his seat at the head of the table. “I’m very pleased to look around this room and see the faces of those whom I hold most dear. I’d like to propose a toast to you all. To my family. That despite our differences, we are all her together, as a family. As we’ll continue to be through the change-”

“Viserys.” Alicent warned, trying to pull him to sit. “Now’s not the time.” The latter pleaded, but not enough.

“Time for what, Mother?” Daeron, oh so young and innocent, asked.

“I would appreciate your sensitivity and support, my family, as Alicent and I begin the process of divorce.”

“Viserys.” Alicent seethed. She wasn’t ready for this but that damned punch struck again.

“Old friend, I don’t think-” Otto began.

“No, no, your thoughts are what ensnared my brother in this ruiness match to begin with.” Daemon spat at Otto. Neither liked the other, never had, never would.

“Now Deamon, she’s still the mother of four of my children-” Viserys began.

Damon tutted. Alicent nodded in agreement and held herself proudly.

Viserys’ protection withered when he saw the deathly stare Alicent shot at Daemon and the scowl of warning at Rhaenyra. “-Even if she chooses to bring another man into our marriage bed.”

“What?” Wide eyed, shocked and inflamed, Rhaenyra’s focus burned on Alicent.

“Oh don’t hang me for sins you yourself are guilty of.” She was rather quick to her own defense. She let her pride blind her to the fact children were still in the room. Her ire shifted to Viserys next. “And you, you’ve held a ghost in our marriage bed for the entirety of it!”

With the implication of her mother, Rhaenyra knocked her chair over as she flew to make Alicent regret her declaration. Luckily, Harwin caught her. A cacophony of insults followed from all directions.

Calmly and with a glimmer of amusement, Rhaenys turned to the older children nearest to her. “Take the younger ones to the playroom please.”

Jace grabbed Joffrey and Luke followed. Aemond picked up Daeron. Aegon, Helaena, Baela, Rhaena, and Y/N followed behind the rest. It was Helaena’s idea to set up the Nintendo games for the younger boys. Joffrey and Daeron were the same age and easily distracted that way. Luke, rather than follow the elder lot, volunteered to remain with the two youngest. Playing Mario Kart interested him more than the destined debrief.

Aegon looked to Aemond and Y/N, it wasn’t a suggestion but an invite. Aegon was going to drink no matter what. Aemond had no objections considering the pandemonium of it all. Y/N was thinking the same thing. Even Helaena was ready to numb herself. Baela and Rhaena were in unfamiliar territory and had no objections. Jace, well he wasn’t sure what the others silently agreed to, but he followed.

While in the doorframe to the upstairs den, Jace was stopped. Aegon held a hand to his chest. “Uh, uh, uh this is reserved for those who can hang. You… cannot.”

Jace inhaled like a bull ready to charge. Fuses were short all around.

Y/N knocked past Aegon and let Jace in. “Don’t be a twat.”

“Is it or is it not my parents who are this Yule’s shit show? If anyone can be a twat, I can. And…” Aegon turned back to Jace with a malicious grin. “One drink in and he’ll be running to hide in his mummy’s skirts.”

“Do us all a favor and go skydiving off the roof you wastril cunt.” Jace would’ve taken a swing, much like his mother, if he wasn’t being held back.

“That’s enough.” Y/N’s voice boomed over both the boys. She was holding Jace back. Helaena didn’t know how to act. Aemond, much like his uncle downstairs, was finding the scene in front of him very amusing. Baela and Rhaena simply observed, eyeing each other with their own secret language.

“Jace,” Y/N’s voice sweetened. “Can you please get me one of the hard seltzers from behind the bar, in the small fridge?”

“Ugh,” Aegon rolled his eyes. He’d already swiped a bottle of wine. As Jace made his way to the bar, Aegon made his way to a leather sofa. “Gods forbid we exclude one of your devotees.”

“What?” Y/N spun to Aegon in hardened confusion.

“Oh don’t play naive. We all see the way he looks at you. His eyes are glued to your ass like a starved dog follows a meat truck. You say jump and he asks how high.”

Aemond was leaning forward against the back of the couch, behind Aegon. It’s how Aegon was able to hear Aemond’s small huff of amusement. Already in the mindset to destroy everything around him, Aegon went in on his brother next.

“Like you’re any better.” He shifted to look up at Aemond who was now scowling. “You blow a load anytime she breathes in your direction.”

Aemond wound up to deck his brother but Aegon rolled to the floor to avoid the punch. His laughter was borderline maniacal.

It was Helaena’s even voice that halted the ongoing spiral. “That’s not true.”

Her words were adamant. Everyone cocked their heads at Helaena’s interjection. “Neither like Y/N. She’s like a sister.”

Looks were exchanged. The boys in the room would think the declaration was one of sarcasm if it hadn’t come from Helaena. In Helaena’s world, it was obvious that everyone viewed Y/N like a sister, like she did. Or at least, that’s all she showed knowledge of. They’d known each other for seven years now. Y/N lived with Jace and his family. Everyone was uncle or aunt to Y/N. What Helaena didn’t realize was Y/N wasn’t blood with any of them. She was a consistent presence. They were hormonal teenagers. She was a shame free focus of affection.

Y/N observed each and everyone of them searching for anything she could use to continue her intensional delusion. None of them had feelings for her. They were all friends. Kind, devoted, affectionate friends.

An uneasy truce settled over the room. Helaena was an adamant person and no one was in the mood to go up against that brick wall tonight. So slowly, those without drinks slinked to get one. Guards were still up regardless.

At least two hours passed. It was enough time for each of the older children to go through four to six drinks each. With ease they dismissed one of the youngest when they came to make an inquiry. Not one in the elder group bothered to hear the question. That caused a problem when the youngest made their way downstairs to inquire about something to eat. The adults, exhausted and nursing their own drinks, were confused. Certainly the older children could’ve gone down to the kitchen to scrounge something up for the lot. Where were they? They were where? Doing what?

In their bacchanalia, the older seven did not recognize the storm of footsteps marching their way. Alicent blew down the door like a twister. Rhaenyra was on her heels. Soon a disgruntled Viserys was next to enter. A disapproving audience of Corlys, Rhaenys, Leana, and Harwin lined the halls. Daemon and Leanor had the good sense to know the circus would round back to the center tent. Harwin only went to keep his wife from ending up in the back of a city watch cab.

None of the older children could clearly make out what was being shouted at them. They were intoxicated and there were too many voices echoing off their disappointment. Aegon and Alicent were the first out of the room. She dragged her oldest out by the collar of his shirt. In contrast, a gentle hand guided Helaena to follow. Viserys shuffled Aemond forward. Leana came in and collected her daughters with a firm hand on either’s shoulder. Rhaenyra was last to guide her son and ward out. She was fuming like a dragon with smoke, but her guidance was just. The events of the night left everyone wanting a reprieve. She was disappointed in how her children sought it. 

It was agreed upon that Corlys and Rhaenys would accompany the younger children to the kitchens and distract them from the additional chaos to follow. Those being reprimanded were lined across the main room’s couches. Rhaena and Baela were off to the side. They’d face the least amount of punishment. Leana was a constructive parent, preferring to explain than admonish. Daemon wasn’t too concerned. He was doing worse at sixteen. Jace couldn’t make eye contact with a soul in the room. Aemond’s gaze firmly fixed to a very interesting speck on the wall. Helaena watched the room unafraid. Y/N and Aegon stole glances at one another.

“Deplorable.” Viserys began. “Delinquent, and unbecoming behavior from the lot of you! You see the strife your family is in and decide that’s the opportune moment to turn into tipplers?”

“Seems like the opportune moment to me.” Aegon muttered under his breath.

Viserys strode towards his eldest son. “What was that boy?”

Y/N turned her full attention to Aegon. His eyes were hardened and glaring between his mother and father. Y/N tried to bore her gaze into his mind, willing him to shut up before he made things worse. It didn’t work.

“I said, it seems like the opportune moment to me.” Aegon replied defiantly.

Alicent scoffed. She flanked Viserys to scold her son. “So you lead this debauchery? Is it not enough that you torment us with your frivolity and recklessness at university? You flitter about with no care, no decorum, no decency-”

Aegon roared and in a flash was off the couch in his mother’s face which caught everyone by surprise. Never had he stood up to her admonishments. “You of all people have no right to lecture me about decency!”

“Aegon,” Rhaenyra made a move to step in. She hadn’t turned oblivious over the past couple of years. She noticed Aegon began spending more and more time at her house rather than his own. At first she thought he and Y/N were hiding something, but then Y/N got a boyfriend and Aegon often made his way over even when Y/N was out.

“Mind your tongue to your mother.” Enmity welled in Alicent’s eyes. Her lips quivered in anger, fists clenching and unclenching by her sides.

“And when did you earn this deference, mother? Was somewhere between my audacity to question why your gym trainer was in your bedroom, and when you threatened to ship me off to the citadel when I refused to go with you to the sept to pray away our shared sins.”

Gasps filled the room. Those who hadn’t had questioning brows were in desperate need for their drink. Leaning into the attention, Aegon outstretched his arms and addressed the room. “Yes my dear family. My mother’s personal trainer, Christon Cole, puts the personal in personal trainer. In fact, he’s so devoted that he’s been bedding her for over a year now!”

Aegon strode back to his mother, eye to eye, a breath apart. “And she threatened that not only would no one believe me if I told, but that she’d see to it that I ended up at the wall. Isn’t that right, mother.”

The sharp clap of palm meeting skin rang throughout the room. Alicent’s breathing was labored by the crushing weight of Aegon’s admissions.

Aegon held his cheek in his hand. Tears collected in his eyes. His head had been thrown to the side, but he looked up at his mother with animosity that rivaled tenured enemies. Otto pulled Alicent away from her son. He was shushing her, insisting she calmed down. Viserys looked defeated. Everyone was mimicking the math in his mind. It had been a year. A year and Aegon knew. Aegon knew but didn’t tell his father. Aegon knew and didn’t tell his father because his mother threatened to have him banished and the closest to incarcerated you could get with or without committing an offense.

Rhaenyra looked to Leanor to speak for her as she was too dumbfounded by the turn of events to find her voice. “It’s best this discussion continues in the morning when cooler heads can prevail. You’re all dismissed to your rooms. If any of you dare further the troublesome actions of the night, the consequences will be severe.”

Other than Aegon, the others scrambled to leave the hostile environment. The sequestering was a delight by this point. Aegon trailed behind, slowly, letting his blazing scrutiny be known throughout the room. After feeling his hatred was known, he relented and crept away to the safety of his room.

...

Helaena hadn’t felt like talking. Y/N made it clear she could. Her home life had sunk into a deeper ring of the seven hells tonight. Y/N would stay and hold her and listen if that’s what she wanted. It wasn’t. Like a sponge, Helaena absorbed the emotions from the room and it exhausted her. She just wanted to sleep. So without much fuss, she collapsed into the safety of her bed to block out the world if only for a handful of hours. Y/N took the opportunity to truly prepare for bed.

Down another corridor Aegon too had thrown himself upon his bed. Though the air was chilly, he turned on his ceiling fan. The repetitive circle and white noise worked to dry his tears and release his stored adrenaline. He hadn’t spoken a word since climbing the stares. What did he have to say? Nothing he wanted to relive at the moment. Though he had a suspicion someone would make their way to his room to try.

The door opened and closed swiftly but quietly. Aegon didn’t look up to greet the intruder, but a smug grin slightly quirked his lips. “Was wondering how long it’d take.”

“And who did you expect, brother?” Aegon shot up from his reclining position to find Aemond at the foot of his bed. His arms were folded, button down sleeves rolled up, the creep hadn’t bothered to change in the time they were dismissed. He remained as composed as he thought it was intimidating.

“Get out.” He commended immediately.

“T’was quite the spectacle of an evening.” Aemond clearly had no intention of heeding his brother's words. “Don’t you think?”

“I said get out.” He sheathed. “I thought you just a twat, not a deaf twat.”

Aemond hummed. It was his response before his response. Just enough noise to fill the silence and prolong the time to gather his thoughts. He walked around the room, observing the state of things. He ran a finger over an unread book, then the laptop nearby, using the touch to his brother’s possessions to rile him up further.

“I didn’t appreciate your pettiness earlier.” Aemond announced, hands clasped behind his back.

Aegon scoffed. “Always mama’s little-”

“I’m not talking about Mother.”

“What in the seven hells are you on about then?”

Aemond stood silent, wanting his brother to catch on and admit he wanted to embarrass him in front of Y/N. Aemond wanted to wound Aegon with the understanding that Y/N wanted him less than anyone else. Irritated, Aegon either refused or was too daft to follow.

“Y/N.” Aemond clarified with a proud raise of his chin.

“Y/N?” Aegon asked in humored disbelief. “All the lunacy affairs of the evening and that’s the one you’re hung up on? Really brother? We all knew you carried a torch for her, but I didn’t know you were this down bad over some snatch.”

Aemond’s eyes inflamed with malice. The disregard in which Aegon spoke made him see red. “Do not speak of her in that way.”

“Please, you want to mount and ride her just as much as our gangly nephew. You idiots follow her around hoping one day she’ll attest your devotion was proof enough and let you fuck her stupid. Guess what, never gonna happen. She’ll continue to string you along with crumbs of affection like the pair of fools you are. She doesn’t want you. She never has and never will.”

Aemond was biting his cheek to remain composed. Gods, he fucking hated his cunt of a brother. If he was on fire, the world had to burn with him.

“And you’re nothing but her plug for an occasional high. She hates you.” Venom dripped from Aemond’s words. “Loathes you even when you’re good for that one thing. You taunt me because you know I have a chance when you could fuck everything with a pulse in a fifty mile radius, be the last man alive in Westeros, and she’ll remain the one girl you could never touch.”

“Oh brother,” Aegon stood and rounded the bed to stand face to face with Aemond; much like he had early with his mother. “For that I’m going to make her scream my name while you watch.”

...

Alicent passed back and forth in front of the fireplace biting her thumbnail. She lost her composure, she knew that. She knew she was wrong to have slapped Aegon. She was wrong for making him keep her affair secret. Viserys was right to threaten to take the children away. If she’d slap Aegon, who’s to say what she’d do when her other children brought her to anger. She sent her father away long ago. His presence only further incensed her anxiety.

By now, almost everyone was in bed or preparing to be so. Alicent couldn’t walk past their doors knowing the judgment that radiated behind them. Her pride and regret were at war with one another. The crackle of the fire drew her attention. She became lost in the flames. Fire and Blood were the words of the house she married into. Maybe that explained why she spent over half her marriage with her own blood boiling. This was the tipping point.

“You should try and rest.” A level voice spoke from the archway of the hallway leading to the stairs. “You’ll need all your faculties for the morning’s conversations.”

Alicent’s relaxed curls draped over her shoulder as she went to address the speaker. Rhaenyra.

“Please don’t wear the facade of worry. It’s unbecoming of you.” Alicent’s tongue hadn’t dulled. Here was an external target after her inward massacre.

“I worry for my half-siblings. They’re blameless in this.” She took steps to further herself into the room. “It hurts. Doesn’t it?” Rhaenyra cocked her head in rhetorical questioning. “Having your intimate life gutted and displayed for vultures to feast on.”

“The irony isn’t lost on me.” Alicent dismissively waved Rhaenyra away.

“And yet we live through this cliche. The pious turned sinner. The righteous banner fallen to the flames of indulgences.” Rhaenyra couldn’t help but let a little bit of satisfaction drip into her words.

Alicent’s arms were folded protectively over her one another, hiding her chest and how it heaved. “Where have you been all this time, hm? Playing house with your lovers and your father’s money. You ran from one flight of fancy to another. Fleeing duty, while the rest of us were left to carry on the burdens of your family name.”

“You chose this Alicent!” Rhaenyra retorted exasperated. “You chose. Your choice. Am I supposed to thank you for your election to marry Viserys and become queen of country club society?”

“You and your uncle, so quick to flee from the duty your name holds. Who else was left to hold up tradition and respectability.”

“Some traditions are best left in the past, Alicent! Look how the burden of them has destroyed you and your children!”

“And what do you know of my children?”

“I have eyes Alicent. Aegon carries the weight of all your regrets to the point where he withdraws into vice just to feel something other than the crushing knowledge that all his mother’s dreams died with him. Helaena is only as functioning as she is because the seven blessed us with Y/N. Do you really think she’s so quiet, or did you notice that she spends half her nights at our house rather than yours?”

“Stop it!” Alicent shouted the command but it settled as more of a plea with her hands over her ears.

“Aemond harms himself in the desperate search for a scrap of attention. All those achievements… he pushes himself to extremes in the hope that this next accomplishment will be the one that gets you to see him. And Daeron, well his Ipad has been his parent for some time now. My father isn’t blameless, but godsdamn Alicent I never thought you were one to give up.”

“I tried!” Alicent’s voice was stretched and scratchy with the strain of the day. “So damn hard that it broke me and I didn’t even want any of this!”

Taken aback, Rhaenyra studied the splintered woman in front of her. “Then why do any of it?”

“Because I thought I was doing what was right.” She sobbed out, finally letting her blood boil over into tears that had for long run dry. “I was doing what I was taught was right by the faith. Push want aside for honor. My father thought it was the right choice. My only choice.”

A breath two decades withheld deflated from Rhaenyra’s lungs. “Oh Alicent.”

…

Y/N spent her shower sobering a bit and replaying the night’s incidents. Another marriage who’s nail in the coffin was a child catching the act of infidelity. She was the only one in the house who could understand that perceived guilt. She felt empathy for Aegon and horror at his abuse. It was no surprise that her limbs acted on one accord with her emotions. She was carried to his door. Just outside of it she heard rumbling, a crash, and a string of cuss words. Everyone on this side of the house must have taken their Ambien tonight, as she was the only one concerned.

She dashed into the room not knowing what to expect, but certainly not expecting the scene in front of her. Aemond had Aegon by the throat on the floor. His knee was pinning Aegon’s legs down to avoid any kick up. Aegon was doing his best to swing at his brother’s jaw and scratch at his hands. Since Aemond’s growth spurt he’d had the upper hand as he’d always been the better fighter of the two.

“What in the seven hells?” Y/N rushed over to Aemond and hooked her arms under his and tried to pull him up. He heard her but he’d yet to process her presence or words. His reasoning was glazed over by the malice he felt. “Get off of him.”

Locking in like she was the anchor in a game of tug-of-war, Y/N heaved again. It was enough of a reprieve of pressure for Aegon to free his legs and bring a knee to Aemond’s gut. Aemond relinquished his hold on his brother’s throat and it sent him and Y/N spilling backwards. Luckily Y/N landed without much airtime as she was already low to the ground. She landed on her bottom with Aemond splayed over her lap. His hair fanned her like a blanket.

The sounds of labored breathing filled the room for the duration it took the shock to wear off. Y/N didn’t dare move with a recently volatile Aemond on her. Aemond’s limbs felt the ache of adrenaline and he didn’t care to move. Aegon rubbed the tender skin of his neck. He was the first to climb to his feet. He took a cold soda from the mini fridge next to his bed and held it to his neck. Watching him care for his injury persuaded Y/N to take action. With gentleness, she slid Aemond off her lap and onto the cool floor beneath her. 

She approached Aegon with worried care. Aegon allowed her to lift the soda can up to investigate his injuries. Y/N’s back was to Aemond, but he didn’t need to see her front to know her expression was one of concerned care. He could see it in the way Aegon’s creases softened. He knew it in the way Aegon allowed her in his proximity. Aegon was a bloody fool. He spent so long torturing Aemond and Jace over their affection for Y/N. It distracted him from the longing he felt for her. It was evident in the way he sought comfort in her touch.

Aemond straightened himself into a seated position before he spoke. His arms wrapped around his criss-crossed legs to give himself some comfort. His voice was as small as he could make it. “Why are you helping him?”

Y/N didn’t take her eyes off Aegon. She was guiding him to sit on the bed while she remained staning, holding the soda can. “Because he’s hurt.” She answered as it was obvious to her.

“No,” Aemond cleared his throat and spoke a bit louder. “Why are you here? You hate him.”

Y/N deadpanned and turned her disapproving gaze to Aemond. “I can have my disagreements with someone and still care for them when I know they’re hurting.”

Aegon sucked his teeth and released into a cocky smile like he had as a child. Due to her turn, Y/N couldn’t see Aegon’s face. It was reminiscent of the shit eating grins he’d wear when standing behind one of their parents on the rare occasion he wasn’t the one being scolded. Aegon didn’t need to speak for his previous words to repeat in Aemond’s mind. The childish expression was enough.

“Do you know what he said about you?” Aemond’s jaw hardened, teeth ground in irritation at his brother’s perceived upperhand. He wanted to hurt Aegon. If he couldn’t physically, then emotionally. Even if it scorched Y/N.

Y/N’s brows furrowed in confusion. Was this fight not over their mother and father? “What do you mean?”

Aemond stood at this and strode towards Y/N. He looked down upon her. There was a storm raging in him. “You stand here nursing his wounds but do you know what he says behind your back?”

All enjoyment evaporated from Aegon. “Aemond.” He warned, voice hoarse. Y/N’s attention went from one brother to another and back.

“You’re to be mounted and rode. He’d fuck you infront of me to prove a point.” Aemond continued as Y/N’s eyes widened at the crassness of it all. “And that was only tonight. To others, you’re the snatch on the side for when he’s finally bored enough to let you get it wet.”

Y/N’s eyes watered. She didn’t want to believe it. Aemond grasped hold of her chin and turned her neck to land her waterworks on Aegon. He wanted her to see the man she was doting on. See the real Aegon. In turn, Aegon had the good sense to advert his focus in shame at his words. He itched with regret over his loose lips. He never thought Y/N would hear his words and he didn’t even know why he said them. It was the rise from others, the attention, and the satisfaction he received from it that fueled his disgusting claims.

Y/N knew Aegon’s tells as well as Aemonds. He never made eye contact when caught in something shameful. Regrettably, she adopted the Targaryen tendency to make the world burn with her when hurt.

“Your jollies come from defacing the few who foolishly show you some affection. You’re pathetic.” Y/N spat. The soda can fell to Aegon’s lap.

Aegon’s sight focused on her pleadingly. “Y/N.”

“No.” She held up her hand to stop him from going further. “No more excuses. No more apologies. You want to talk like fleabottom trash, then be it too. Don’t call me when you’re drunk and crying. Don’t text and ask me to drive an hour to pick you up from whatever university bar you’re puking in. In fact, do me a favor and choke on your vomit next time. Maybe that will finally shut your foul mouth.”

Aemond snickered and it drew Y/N to turn on him. “And you, fuck you for being so bitter that you’d break me to watch him bleed.”

Aemond stumbled back as she pushed him out of her way. He allowed it in his shock. He hadn’t thought his admissions would be turned back on him. He hoped they’d make her seek him out in comfort.

“You both can kill each other for all I care.” Y/N stormed out of the room. Tears fell from her eyes with every step and she tried to dry them. The door slammed at her exit and it startled both brothers, making them plummet into the mess they’d made.

Next Chapter

[unluckiestmember]

Hiiii.

Could we get a good old best friends to lovers with Hobie and opposite reader? Idk I think he would be so awkward lmao

Coming right up!

Best Friends to Lovers: Hobie Brown X Fem! Reader

Characters: Hobie Brown

Tags: Friends to lovers, meet cute, fluff, nervous! Hobie, Hobie being Hobie, anarchy, awkwardness, denial and reassurance.

Warning: None. SFW.

A/N: I bet Hobie would make a cute boyfriend, minus the fact that he'd probably have us end up in jail every week or two-

You and Hobie became friends when you two met at a rager.

He thought you were cute rocking out. You thought he was cute causing mayhem.

After that night, the both of you would spend time together raising havoc in the UK and pissing off the Prime Minister.

Unlike other Spider-Men, he didn’t hesitate to inform you he was Spider-Punk.

He would mindlessly flirt with you when he wasn’t doing hero work and playfully pushing your buttons just to get a reaction.

You believed he was just being funny at first and so did he.

But then days you hung out turned into weeks.

Then months.

And soon years.

And as those years passed, a strong emotion brewed within Hobie targeted towards you.

Now his flirting would be more intimate when he wasn’t busy trying to correct his own words.

He would start to act like the men he mocked daily on those rom-coms and soap operas you watched for giggles.

If he made a mistake, he wouldn’t own it, he would actually say sorry and stumble over himself.

It was kind of cute, in a funny way, but also confusing.

Why was he acting like this around you, you wondered?

You let it keep going until it started to affect his hero work terribly.

His chill nature sort of depleted and his calculations would be thrown off if you were around him.

Again, it was cute. Until it wasn’t.

Eventually, you sat him down to talk about it and he told you the route of the problem;

You. He had fallen in love with you.

You never expected Hobie Brown, entitled anarchist and supposed man who had zero cares in the world, to fall in love with you.

But he did.

He was scared you would reject him.

So imagine his cute shocked face when you said you felt the same.

The man went into a fit of laughter when he realized how easily all this awkward energy could have been avoided if he just spoke up.

But no use crying over spilled milk!

You two started dating and Hobie got his groove back!

But it still makes you laugh at your boyfriend when he gets giddy around you sometimes.

He was your cute little anarchist.

Spider-Verse Requests are open!

Likes and retweets are always appreciated! I love you all, stay hydrated and have a good day! <3