#but i get that theyre all frustrated and have every right to be

[gifti3]

i think i might just like harems when theyre toxic af

[greekromann]

the version of tashigi that lives in my head is soooo much cooler than anything oda could ever hope to write about women. oda doesnt understand her I Do Though

[l-starsz]

could you please write some smut where r and billie are coming home from a party theyre both drunk and end up fucking in the pool late at night (the pool has red led lights) (add strap please🙏🏼) r has been a brat all night so billie is like kinda mean and degrades her

THANK YOU

a/n: IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK AGES FOR ME TO WRITE BUT I HOPE THIS IS GOOD🫶

as i rushed to get ready, billie was laying on our bed. she was completely chilled out whilst i was stressing about how i was going to make us late. billie had previously been rushing me, since we had to be there soon in order to not be too late. she eventually resorted to waiting in bed whilst scrolling through her phone, glancing over to me every so often.

"cmon angelll, are you nearly ready?" she practically whined.

"i'm about to be ready bil, promise." i giggled, "can you help me with my eyeliner please?"

"of course, pretty girl." she smiled, getting up from the bed and walking towards me.

i held the eyeliner pencil out towards her, which she soon enough took. she was about to start when she gave me a questioning look, and i knew exactly what she was thinking.

"sit on my lap." i whispered, gently holding her hips and pulling her closer to me.

she didn't complain, and let me practically pull her onto me, before taking the lid off my eyeliner and getting closer to my face. she was being so gentle, careful not to hurt me or poke me with it. after a few short minutes, she was completely finished.

i looked in the mirror with a smile on my face.

"perfect, thank you, baby." i thanked her, then placed a gentle kiss on her lips, my lipstick and lipgloss transferring slightly onto her lips.

i pulled her further into my arms for a minute or so, before she whispered to me that we needed to leave. we were both finally ready, and it was looking like we would still be pretty on time, so we left as quick as we could.

hours passed, we stuck together the whole time we were there, but were both a little drunk. we'd definitely had too much to drink. we were practically all over eachother, whilst the music echoed loud, making us even more touchy.

"can we go somewhere quieter, love?" i heard her whisper into my ear as my back pressed against her chest.

"hmmm, i don't know, i'm quite happy staying here." i smirked.

i'd been planning to tease her, and be bratty. i needed to see how she'd react. and i was hoping she'd maybe punish me too.

the whole night i had been talking back to her, trying to get a reaction from her. but she didn't react. all i got was her rolling her eyes at my words, or her grip tightening on my skin. she didn't push me, but i could tell that she was getting impatient. the alcohol running through us wasn't helping either.

obviously i was desperate for her, but i needed to keep my act up. i needed to make sure i got some sort of reaction from her.

it was only a matter of time before one of our friends came over to us, offering to drop us off on their way home. we hesitated at first, wanting to stay longer and continue our fun, but when our friend brought up how drunk we were, we accepted.

it didn't take long to get home at all, since we lived nearby. we thanked our friend as we got out, letting out drunken giggles as we walked up the driveway towards the front door.

billie had the keys, and she fiddled with them for a bit, trying to find the right one whilst almost dropping them on the floor in the process. this just made us laugh more, and when she finally managed to open the door, get us both inside, and then lock the door behind her, we stumbled straight upstairs.

i flopped onto the bed, whilst billie looked for comfier clothes. i was waiting for her, when i got an idea. a small smirk appeared on my face when i opened my mouth to speak.

"bils? can we go in the pool?"

she turned around with a smile, but then her eyebrows furrowed.

"we don't have anything to wear.. i have no idea where our swimming costumes are."

i groaned and threw my head back out of frustration. i wanted to tease her more. i knew exactly what i wanted to wear to push her over the edge, but obviously that wasnt happening. however, another brilliant idea popped into my mind as i was trying to think of solutions. why did neither of us think of it before?

"we can always go in naked?" i suggested, rolling onto my side and reaching my hands out for her to come towards me.

as my hands landed on her waist, i tugged at her clothes. i was getting desperate for her. i was supposed to be bratty, and instead i was needy. i needed to change my attitude. i had time to be needy later. at least i hoped.

she moved away from my slightly, and pulled me up onto my feet, attempting to pull my clothes off. i shook my head and moved back.

"hmm i think i changed my mind.. it'll be more fun with our clothes on."

i knew that she wanted my clothes off. as much as she loved my outfit, which consisted of the shortest skirt i could find, it only just covered me up, but one wrong movement and everyone would've seen my underwear, which billie had picked out for me before we left. i was also wearing a tight shirt, and no bra, so it was safe to say billie was worked up. and it didn't help that i was talking back, and ignoring her requests. the alcohol made both of us needy, but my defiance made her want need to punish me, and fuck some sense into me somehow.

her tongue poked the inside of her cheek, and i could tell she was getting frustrated.

"you know what? go wait by the pool i'll be out in a few minutes."

i was confused, but i had to keep my act up.

i crossed my arms and shook my head, walking back over to sit on the edge of the bed. my hips swayed as i walked, making sure she saw.

a sigh left her mouth, before she grabbed something from the wardrbe, and walked downstairs without me. i decided it would make her more mad if i didn't follow at all, so i stayed put, looking for my phone which i must've misplaced. i was always more forgetful when i was drunk.

i waited for about five minutes, before realising she wasn't coming back. she was waiting downstairs and wasn't coming to get me. she knew exactly what i was up to. she'd known all night.

i groaned, then headed downstairs, straight outside to where our pool was. there were two towels folded and waiting on one of the chairs by the pool, and i took notice of them before my eyes drifted over to billie, who was completely naked in the pool.

i could only make out her tits under the water, and my eyes were glued to them.

"coming in, angel?" i saw her smirk, the red lights surrounding the pool making it slightly more difficult for me to see her.

"i.. yeah." i managed to stutter out.

i walked over to the side of the pool which was closest to her, before removing my clothes as slow as i possibly could. i first started with my shirt, taking my time to lift it up so that it sat just under my boobs. i pushed the waistband of my skirt down, exposing my underwear slightly, but not quite enough for her liking.

i could see on her face that she was mad, but she was trying her best to hide it. i could see right through her though. i eventually took my top off, letting it fall to the floor.

my skirt slowly followed, and all that was left was my underwear. i thought about leaving them on, but i knew that as much as it would tease billie and test her limits, it would be so uncomfortable.

i slid them off my body, being careful not to lose my balance as i wandered over to the edge of the pool. we were obviously still pretty drunk, so i knew that the second i was next to her, we would be all over eachother once again.

i made my way over to the steps, slowly getting closer to her, whilst she stayed exactly where she was. i made sure to take my time, but as soon as i was facing her, her hands attached to my waist like a magnet, pulling me close.

"you think you're smart teasing me, hm? being a brat? such a needy fucking slut for my attention."

her words were slightly slurred as the gap almost closed between us. i couldn't hold back any longer. i practically pounced on her, my lips finding hers straight away.

she kissed back slightly, before pulling away. she lifted me into her arms, my legs wrapped around her waist, but i felt something. had she kept her underwear on? i was about to ask, when something was slammed inside me. and it would only be one thing.

she had her strap attached around her waist. the one she knew was just that tiny bit too big for me, that made me overstimulated in a matter of seconds. a moan echoed from my mouth, straight down her ear.

she wasted no time speeding her movements to pleasure me, but not for long. i knew it wasn't going to be so simple. i didn't know what she had in mind, but i just needed her. her grip on my waist was enough to leave marks, and her speech was slurred as she thrusted into me. it was a good job i was so wet, otherwise it would've made things more difficult.

"such a desperate, needy slut, isn't that right, love?"

my cries and moans grew so much louder upon hearing her words, my body limp in her arms as i was so close to finishing.

"cmon, need you to answer me. can't just ignore me, baby. that's not nice, is it?"

my moans sounded like sobs as i tried so hard to get the words out for her. i was hoping that our neighbours were sleeping, because i was definitely loud enough for anyone to hear me.

"i'm not even going to think about letting you cum if you don't answer me."

her speech was slurred from the alcohol, but also muffled as her lips pressed against my neck. i felt her sucking marks over me, whilst one of her hands reached my clit, adding onto the other sensations, bringing me right to the edge.

part of me wanted to say it, so that she'd let me cum. but the other part of me was more desperate to continue being bratty.

i threw my head back and held onto her shoulders as tight as i could.

"going to carry on being a brat? suit yourself.." she mumbled with a smirk, before pulling out with no warning.

"no!! no pleaseee. billie, baby, please i'll do anything!! i was going to say it i swear!" i cried out, pulling myself closer to her and hiding my face in her neck.

"nuh-uh. you wanted to be bratty and tease me all night? this is what you get. maybe if you can prove to me that you can be a good girl then i'll let you cum."

her voice was calm. much calmer than mine. i was a whiny mess, trying to convince her to touch me more, to make me cum, but she wasn't having any of it. not until i proved it to her.

"how?! i'll do anything bil!"

"let me fuck you until i finish, yeah? then you can cum. you're gonna take it, and be good for me, okay?"

"yes!! of course! i'll be good for you."

the strap broke through my tight walls once again, the familiar feeling so perfect yet overwhelming at the same time. her thrusts met her previous pace immeiately, making us both feel good. i squeezed my eyes shut tight, letting her basically use me for her own pleasure, and waiting for her to let me finish. the water slightly splashed and made waves around us from our movements.

it felt like ages, but definitely wasn't long before her moans increased in pitch. she sounded so beautiful, it was getting difficult for me to hold onto my orgasm, hearing her whines and feeling her inside me was making the pleasure build up inside me quicker.

as soon as her moans was louder, and more high pitched, i knew she was ready to cum. my own moans mixed with hers, and i let out breathy whines into her ear.

"please, bil. cum for me. i want to cum for you, please. you sound so pretty. so perfect. my beautiful girl." my voice was almost a whisper, but at the same time it sounded so powerful as it echoed through her mind.

that was all it took for billie to cum, the friction of the strap rubbing against her clit helped, but my words threw her over the edge. her voice was so breathy that i almost didn't hear her speak. i was clenching around the strap whilst my nails dug into her shoulder, sure to leave scratches or bruises for her to wake up to in the morning.

"you can cum for me baby! fuck! le- let go for me."

that was the only thing i needed to hear. i'd never came so hard in my life, not bothering to even attempt to keep myself quiet. i didn't care who heard, or who i woke up. we both needed this, and that was all that mattered in our minds in that moment.

as we both slowly came down from our highs, my moans turned into sobs once i started to get overstimulated. she stopped her movements, making sure to hold me closer and pepper my exposed skin in kisses.

i did the same to her, having no intentions of moving away from her yet. but i felt the strap being slowly pulled out of me. her hands ran along my back to soothe me whilst she pulled completely out, somehow managing to take the strap off and throw it on the side of the pool. we stayed where we were, just holding eachother for a while until i was falling asleep, and of course billie noticed when my body slowly grew heavier and slumped against her.

"cmon angel. lets get cleaned up. i've got you." i heard her whisper, before placing a little kiss to my head.

we were soon upstairs in the bathroom, a towel draped over each of our bodies, and while i clung onto her still naked body, she started running a nice warm bath for the both of us. i so badly wanted to help her, and take care of her just like she was doing for me, but i was almost asleep. i was exhausted. still drunk. and fucked out. although billie was also still drunk, and tired, and fucked out, she could handle it better than me. i could barely keep my eyes open.

she added some lavender scented bubble bath, which made my eyes feel even heavier as the smell filled the room. she was still somehow holding me whilst making sure everything was perfect for us. she laid out some clean clothes, fresh towels, and skincare for afterwards.

we finally got in the nice hot bubble bath, our muscles relaxing and tiredness practically taking over us. although i was struggling to keep my eyes open, i insisted that billie laid against me. i wanted her to feel as though i was taking care of her as much as she was taking care of me. so, whilst we were in the bath, i helped her clean her body, wash her hair, and made sure she was relaxed and calm.

she did the same for me, and we spent time letting the water warm us up and pull us further into our sleepiness. we eventually got out, wrapped in the fluffy towels, and fighting to stay awake. we rushed to do skincare, and put our pyjamas on, before we were in bed. sleepy and slurred i love yous, and goodnights, came from us before we were fast asleep.

neither of us woke up once in the night, we were completely worn out, and felt as though all we needed was eachother. it took us a while to actually get out of bed when we woke up, our heads were hurting and the sun seemed way too bright shining through the blinds. when i finally decided to get up, i glanced out of the window after getting dressed. something caught my eye laying on the side of the pool. oh.

[boopshoops]

What your favorite TWST character says about you :)

As a note before I begin: I saw one of these that shamed malleus and randomly even chenya enjoyers- (claimed that they were pick mes or something? 😭) so i wanted to make one that was more positive out of spite <3 make it more about the writing and why people appreciate the characters. Take each of these with a grain of salt i spose- also a lot of them share similar themes <3

(Aka fans who have different views or even blatantly incorrect views of characters will always exist everywhere, but insulting the entirety of a group solely for enjoying a character, many for different reasons, is probably not a great idea!

I get that sometimes people suck and thats understandable, but quit generalizing ok? Ok.

From a malleus enjoyer who just thinks hes a silly little guy and im tired of feeling like i have to defend myself bc he's my blorbo 😵‍💫)

Final note: i love unapologetically taking frustration and turning it into something that can make people smile 💕 also i blindly wrote this from 11pm-midnight :))) dividers by @/cafekitsune!

Heartslabyul:

Riddle: you enjoy and/or relate to the idea of healing from the past. Working hard to improve oneself for the ones around you and yourself: creating a healthier environment where you can be happy

Trey: there is immense complexity in things that are seemingly mundane. Digging deeper and deeper to find something truly sweet and heart warming is your joy.

Cater: maybe you relate, or maybe you used to, or maybe parts of the connections made in the past/presence/future dont feel as deep as you truly want them to be. There is something beautiful about a desire for genuine human connection, but also peace in being alone. There is a safe space for you yet, just be patient. 💕

Deuce: you love drive and determination. An endless stubbornness that keeps one going against all odds. Against every person who tells someone they cant. You watch them get proven wrong, and its pure bliss.

Ace: you find the connection between people beyond words heartwarming: even the seemingly simple ones. The ability to have a connection with someone who can get up to some mischief, tease back and forth, yet be there when you need them to be one of the most valuable things.

Savanaclaw:

Leona: Adversity over a lack of belief in oneself is a very difficult thing to overcome- yet it is very possible with the right crowd, the right amount of time, healing, and effort. You think someone's worth lies more than just within their title/job/appearance, but within the fact that they are able to stand back up and keep moving onward despite the odds. The hope for that change, and the ability to get out of bed in the morning on its own is strength.

Ruggie: Despite being through so much trauma at such a young age, recovery happens anyway. Its not perfect, at times the lessons learned are even rough. The survival tactics that once helped are now hard to ditch when theyre not needed anymore, but the ability to smile and joke and keep pushing onwards is something you value in life.

Jack: Self discipline can be both extremely useful as well as harmful in different ways. You find the way people can constantly strive to better themselves at what they love and/or morally to be highly admirable.

Octavinelle:

Azul: People can be cruel. And sometimes that cruelty inspires cruelty. Sometimes its simply used as a way to move on and survive insecurities created from it. Its hard, its a fight, but those insecurities are part of what make people beautiful. They are nothing to be ashamed of, and even the many tactics and smart ways of learning to overcome cruelness can be beautiful too.

Jade: The mind is extremely powerful. Intelligence and knowledge are not the only important things, no. Using that intel to find entertainment in the surrounding world can be exhilarating. Finding and discovering new unknowns: learning their ins and outs until they're a part of you is something you can relate to.

Floyd: speaking of fun- you love what is essentially the written version of a roller coaster. Ups and downs, ins and outs. Every single twist and turn is exhilarating and new. Every different perspective provides new insight into a multitude of different things. You are along for the ride, and you are having a lovely time.

Scarabia:

Jamil: self discovery can be very difficult after purposefully suppressing parts of one's self for a long time. Yet, the healing happens anyway (once again aha <3). People discover new parts of themselves, slowly becoming more comfortable not only with their environment, but how they react to it. The discovery is freedom, and freedom is bliss to you. New traits about oneself bloom like a flower: if not in the soil, then stubbornly in the cracks of cement. You gently take that bloom from the concrete and pot it, placing it gingerly in a beam of sunlight.

Kalim: Happiness isnt only sunshine to the one smiling, but to everyone else around them. It is delightfully infectious. However, happiness isnt a constant. You think emotions all emotions should be experienced rather than suppressed, because holding back sadness for the sake of others is a disservice to one's self. Discovering your own emotions, any range of them, is what makes people uniquely human. If anyone is holding those emotions back- hell, any part of them back, they need to be let out of the cage.

Pomefiore:

Vil: "Beauty is on the inside" is a saying thats been around for a long time, but beauty comes in so many forms. It can come from the stubborn desire to improve one's self: to be kinder, to help those around you, to be good. However it is impossible to be perfect. At times, for some, this can be crushing. People are hurt unintentionally, natural frustration can brew, the wrong actions can be taken: and thats okay. You believe whats important is to pick yourself up and keep going. To err is to be human, and that is beautiful too.

Rook: Error is beautiful. Symmetry is beautiful. Asymmetry is beautiful. A crack in the side walk is beautiful. Small things are beautiful, big things are beautiful. The nurturing of something through endless care is beautiful. The undeniable traits and hobbies of every individual that make them unique are beautiful. You find the endless optimism in finding beauty to be, in itself, beautiful.

Epel: Sometimes people will view others in ways that they wish not to be perceived as. This isnt in our control, as much as we sometimes want it to be. All you can do i be unapologetically yourself. To be you to the utmost degree. To prove those who thought otherwise to be foolish. You find this strength to find value in yourself despite others opinions admirable.

Ignihyde:

Idia: you have depression /j

Ok for real-

Life can be such a cunt. It can beat a person down, down, down and leave them vulnerable enough to fear it. To fear that beating, whenever it may next come. The anxiety of never knowing what or who will come next, or what one could lose. At times it feels more comforting to find a routine in solitude. But you know that the small things that give joy will wiggle their way in with time. The broken will meet people who love and care and find comfort in the companionship of healing, even from the little things: like a new story to read or game to play.

Ortho: You value unconditional support. Support through everything: the good, the bad, the just kind of okay. Knowing that someone can have ones back for every little thing- to be there solely because they care and wish the best for others- is something you look up to and maybe even wish to be for another.

Diasomnia:

Malleus: god damn people can be so hard to read and understand. They are so complicated: they are books you have to pay attention to from start to finish. But once you reach the end, you have a deep seated appreciation for them, and for the ones who stuck around to read your book too. Even if it was just for a fleeting moment: it is a happy moment. As painful as temporary things can be, it is also what you think can make the relationships we love and have loved so valuable.

Lilia: there can be suffering everywhere. There is war. There is famine. But there are also endless new sights to see. New discoveries to be made to help those still going through famine and war. New ways to love and understand people you never thought you'd understand. The development and positive parts of humanity, even though at times it can look bleak, are ever present to you. You love the discovery: of places and of people.

Silver: you believe that there is solace in being your own individual, regardless of who you are bound by blood to. Being shaped my experiences, friends, hardships, and new places are what make a person who they are. You value finding roots in and making your own home.

Sebek: Dedication can be a hard thing to come by, but when it does it can grab someone by the reigns. Using every waking moment to cherish that thing, learn more about it, become better at something, and strive to better ones self can be very admirable to you. But, on the other hand, it also calls for the occasional rest.

OTHER (just for ones I know well enough, sorry!)

Neige: You love kindness despite hardship. One can go through horrible things and still choose to be kind. The world could begin to end, and one could still choose to be kind, because it means everything.

Chenya: Curiosity fuels exploration. It fuels art. It fuels everything. It fuels excitement. It fuels friendships. It fuels medicine. It fuels life. Curiosity is endlessly fun, and you think that is very whimsical

Meleanor: Sacrifice for others can be tragic. Knowing what another person has given up for someone else, maybe even everything, is gut wrenching but undeniably a selfless love to you.

Crewel: There can be kindness in strictness. In teachings, there can be a parental guide. There can be someone who cares for you and undeniably wants you to succeed. They know that you can, so they push you towards it. You want this support.

Trein: Love surpasses time. When the ones we love are gone, the memories of them are still held close, with the love once given to them, we can show to others through advice and guidance that comes with time. You find comfort in that.

Crowley: People are flawed. We all know this, yet despite a persons flaws... however many there may be, there is still something hopeful and human about it. About having those flaws and persisting regardless. You may even like those flaws, and the unashamed desire to press on even with them on display.

Fellow/Ernesto: Live for yourself. This is what you desire. People are often caught up in material or monetary things. After all, we live in a world that required it to survive and even be respected. To throw away those views and simply live as you see fit: regardless as to whether you earn those things or not, is something you admire.

Rollo: Sometimes the attachment we have to those we lost can be painful. Regardless, that pain is proof that there was care and love. The things done for others, whether alive or dead, are done selflessly. Grief can fuel hatred, but it can also be caused by love. To unlearn hatred and learn to love again after the fear of loss is a natural human experience. It is a process you understand and admire those who take the time and strength needed to properly love again.

Thank you for reading <3

Tags <3

@lowcallyfruity @skriblee-ksk @justm3di0cr3 @cecilebutcher @kitwasnothere

@techno-danger @thehollowwriter @distant-velleity @the-trinket-witch @scint1llat3

@beneathsakurashade @qsoap @twsted-canvas @prince-kallisto @kathxrat-01

@sillyslipperybananapeel @jadelover69 @tixdixl @twstinginthewind

[rafeandonlyrafe]

relaxing

words: 900

warnings: 18+ only, handjob, thigh riding, c*mming on tits, semi public (theyre outside but its very concealed)

“what's up baby?” rafe asks, noting the way you're softly whining as you sit on the patio, staring out at the water, listening to the waves gently lapping against the shore.

“want you.” you complain. you always want rafe, but now more than others as you clench your thighs together.

“i just fucked you this morning, you're already needy?” rafe laughs harshly, making your bottom lip pout out more as you press your forehead against his bare shoulder.

“what do you expect? you're sitting there all shirtless and sexy…” you peek down at his abs, glistening slightly with the sheer layer of sweat on his skin from the warmth of the sun.

“im relaxing right now though, baby.” rafe hums, shutting his eyes as he soaks in the rays.

you huff out in frustration, swinging your leg over rafes thigh and planting yourself down.

“feel free to get yourself off.” rafe places his hands behind his head, leaning back against the plush chaise cushion.

“i will.” you say defiantly, placing your hands on his abs. you're thankful for the lack of clothing your wearing as your bikini bottoms are the only layer you have to push to the side to press against rafes bare skin.

“your swim trunks are so short.” you giggle.

“they're the ones you bought me.” rafe rolls his eyes, pushing the hem down, showing off the the lines of muscle that disappear into his shorts.

rafe places a casual hand on your hip as you begin to move, grinding yourself into his leg, feeling his muscle clench as you move.

“can you-”

“no.” rafe hums. “i told you, im relaxing.”

you groan and move forward so you can rest yourself against rafes front and keep your hips moving. you sigh happily at the stimulation, not needing to get off immediately.

“can i-”

“hm?” rafe questions, bouncing his leg, cutting you off as you gasp.

“can i touch you?”

rafe smile grows, a lazy grin taking over his tanned features. “sure. im just not gonna do any work.”

you sit back up straight, pausing your movements, focus now turned to rafe as you grip the swim shorts you bought him specifically for the short inseam as you pull them further down his hips until you're able to get his cock out.

you're thankful for the privacy of your background, hedges on either side blocking your neighbors view of the patio as you stroke a single finger over his length before wrapping your fist around the base.

“so soft.” you giggle, rarely getting to play with rafes cock when it's not hard.

you gently stroke your first up and down, swirling your thumb over the head every time you move.

“fuck, that's good.” rafe moans, quickly hardening against your palm as you move up and down.

“gonna help me out?” you hum, beginning to slide your hips again, wetting his thigh with your slick.

“nope.” rafe smiles as you groan.

“please! i want you.” you whine, stroking faster, hoping it will entice him.

“and i want you too. i always want you, but this is my relaxing time. if you want anything, you gotta do it yourself.” 

you frown but continue your movements, determined to get rafe off. you consider dropping to your knees and sucking him, but then you'll be left with nothing to grind against.

the gentle hand placed on your hip tugs at your bikini strings, pulling it completely away as rafes hand rounds your body to grip your ass, but despite his fingers in your plump flesh, he gives you no assistance in moving.

“such a jerk.” you pout.

“oh come on, i fuck you real good every day, you can do the work for once.”

“im doing the work!” you stroke faster to prove your point.

“just complaining the whole time.” rafe laughs, the smile not falling from his face as he watches you, your tits bouncing in your bikini top with every movement.

“i love you.” rafe blurts out.

you smile as well, pausing to lean in and give him a big kiss. “i love you too, handsome.”

“and im gonna fuck you so good tonight. get me off baby.” rafe wraps a hand around the one one around his shaft, guiding you to continue moving as you let out soft moans, hips regaining their speed.

“if i bounce my leg and get you off, you'll let me cum on your ass?” rafe questions.

“yes!” you nod quickly.

rafe immediately begins to move, the hand on your ass assisting your grinding as he clenches his muscles and bounces his knee up and down until you're screaming out.

your orgasm washes over your body as your back arches, chest pressing into rafes face.

“fuck, wanna cum on your tits instead.” rafe pushes you off and onto your knees, tugging your top down to reveal your chest as his hand pushes yours off his cock.

you place your palms against his knees, chest heaving up and down from your high as he paints your skin in white.

rafe flops back against the lounge chair when he's finished, dick still out as you lean your head against his thigh, breathing heavily until you're able to use your legs enough to stand.

“wanna swim?” you question.

“skinny dip?” rafe raises his eyebrow, looking up and down your body.

you undo the string on your bikini so it falls away before jumping into the pool just a few steps away.

[ivysprophecy]

please please please

word count; 1644

summary; turning off your phone and shutting out the world isnt the best way to handle your problems but its what you do. and jjs had enough of it.

warnings; i dont think there is any? mentions of anxiety attacks? tagging @murdockcastleslut @kimoralov3 @arkofblake

masterlist

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divider by @bernardsbendystraws

"well hey there stranger"

i turn from my book to look behind me, seeing the boy id been actively avoiding for the past two days. carrying his surf board.

i shouldve remembered he'd come here to surf. i just wouldn't have guessed this early in the morning.

"hey jayj."

"oh thats all i get? 'hey'? no 'i miss you so much'?" he sets his board in the sand taking a seat next to me on my blanket.

guess im not finishing my book today. "oh my god jj! youre here! ive been dyingggg to talk to you! i cant believe youre really in here in the flesh! there. better?"

"oh dont be like that- cmon mama whatd i do?" i feel bad with the genuine concern on his face.

okay was ghosting him out of nowhere awful of me? probably. i just didnt know what else to do.

after that night at the bonfire i realized that with my feelings for him growing it wasnt a good idea for us to continue our casual... something. it played with both our emotions. it isnt fair to either of us.

especially after his 'i love you'. that really did it in for me.

"you didnt do anything jj. trust. i just... ive been in a funk. needed some me time thats all."

"well... do you still need your 'me time'?" he looked so hopeful. how could i say yes? where jj maybank is concerned ill easily fold every time. "cause you havent answered my texts so i couldn't ask you to surf with me this morning."

"... i dont have my board. but i suppose i can hang out with you for a little while."

"im honored," he smiles laying back on his elbows, "but really. are you good? i like to think i know you pretty well and this whole MIA thing was not normal."

turning to face him more, i sigh, what the fuck am i supposed to say? 'yea im just so in love with you i cant be around you' yea that would go over really well.

"i dont know. just gotta lot of stuff goin on. you dont have to worry though. im good."

"well do ya wanna talk about it?"

"trust me jay you dont wanna hear about my problems. theyre trivial at best."

"what are friends for if not for listening?" he nudges me with his shoulder urging me to talk. i really dont think i can do this. i was not prepared.

"youre not a very good listener," i point out, to which he immediately takes faux offense. jaw dropped and everything.

"oh thats just not true! i can listen!"

i run a hand through my tangled hair in frustration. this cannot be how i tell him. it just cant. i came here to get away from thinking about this and now hes right here in front of me acting so unserious while im spiraling.

"jj i really appreciate how eager you are to help me but its really not necessary. i didnt really prepare myself and its just too much-"

"prepare yourself? mama what the fuck are you talking about? does this have to do with that night after the bonfire? i mean obviously it does who am i kidding you havent talked to me since then. did i do something wrong? was- was it bad?" he leans in closer, lowering his voice thats laced with worry and guilt.

oh my god that is the absolute last thing i expected him to say. shit i really fucked this up. and honestly just not true.

"what? no! no jj you didnt do anything wrong and it was perfect. promise," i try to reassure him but i know deep down hes gonna over think this whole thing if i dont tell him straight up

i may love him but i never said he was the brightest in the bunch.

"okay so whats the problem?"

"the problem is that it was perfect," i cant help but let out a sigh before hiding my face in my hands as the words leave my mouth.

god my heart is racing, im not ready for this conversation. maybe if i pass out i wont have to. yea if he has to call an ambulance then we can avoid this all together. but an ambulance is also like five grand so...

shit.

"... youre mad at me because you had a good time?" his face contorted in a weird fixture of confusion.

"no! no- god youre so dense sometimes!"

"mama i dont have a fucking clue what youre saying! how does that make me stupid??"

i hide my face in my hands again trying to compose myself because what the fuck kind of confession is this?

"jj im avoiding you because ive been developing feelings for you and i cannot in good conscience keep being so casual with you and sleeping with you knowing this and i know that you do not want anything serious so i figured id just make it easier for the both of us and just take myself out of the situation entirely so that nothing bad happens and i cannot stop fucking talking so please for the love of god say something or do something because i feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest and-"

oh my god im getting my book moment. he just kissed me to make me stop talking!!! oh my god hes kissing me.

is this where i kiss him back?

of course i kiss him back!! what the fuck!!? and oh my lord does it feel nice, so so so nice.

the way his tongue presses against mine, the way he cups my jaw and pulls me close to him. it was slow and confident and loving and everything he knows i like. his hands find my hips like muscle memory, pulling our bodies together, eventually having me on his lap. where he takes my hands and places them on his chest so i can feel his chest rise and fall with deep breaths.

“… mama you need to learn to breathe.”

“that’s not funny right now jj. im actively having an anxiety attack, horrible thing to say really."

"what're you so anxious about? i think we're havin' a pretty calm conversation, dont you?"

"i mean yea- but thats not-" he interrupts me while shaking his head with a shrug.

"listen, i get why youre a little nervous to say that, all things considered. but i thought it was pretty obvious i was into you, i just didnt wanna push you because you made your boundaries clear so i just took what i could get."

my eyes bug out of my head in shock. am i the dense one? i mean yea hes a really good kisser and i can feel he cares deeply about me when we do stuff and makes me feel safe and supported but that doesnt mean-

yea im stupid. he all but outright said it. actually he has. thats what started this panic.

"... okay yea- maybe. but you agreed they were a good idea so i figured that meant you wanted them there too. and i dont know- it just kind of got overwhelming and i didnt wanna be one of those girls who expects something huge after sex so... you know what i mean? and truthfully youre not what i expected for me."

"what does that mean?" his face showed a little offense.

"i just mean- ya know. for one i didnt expect to love my best friend. and then on top of that i didnt think id love a guy who was a treasure hunting, or- adrenaline junkie i should say."

he leans back putting some space between us, "is that supposed to be a bad thing?

"no! no jay im not saying this right- i-... youre a fighter and youre adventurous- a lot of things im not. if that makes sense. all im sayin is a few years ago i wouldnt have expected to be here. but i like it here. love it here even," i smile at him teasingly trying to ease his worries. the last thing i need is to say the wrong thing right now.

"so what youre saying is that you love me?"

"youre such an idiot."

'but do ya? because i think you do mama."

i roll my eyes chuckling, "yea. yea i do maybank," i press a small kiss to his cheek leaning back into him.

"does this mean youll let me make you a maybank mama?" his eyebrow was quirked up as he teases his question.

"lets not get ahead of ourselves. how about we take this slow?"

he looks down at my button up shirt i was wearing over my bikini to shield me from the ocean breeze, and i could tell he was debating taking it off of me. giving me that same look he always does.

"slow? mama i dont think we're gonna be too good at that."

"all 'm sayin is we dont have to jump the gun, we both admitted it, doesnt mean we gotta change the way we act or announce it or nothing. we can just enjoy this ourselves ya know?"

"you embarrassed of me mama?"

"not at all baby, just want you all to myself. is that too much to ask for?"

he shakes his head leaning up against me, our faces inches apart, "nah i dont think so. i like the sound of that."

i meet him the rest of the way pressing his lips to mine, smiling into it. pulling him as close as humanly possible. i need him under mind skin, in my blood, you know?

"i do too, so we agree? we'll keep this between us for now?"

"whatever you want mama. yes maam."

[thatdeadaquarius]

College be kicking my ass but we continue on like Scaramouche (alive and kicking, but still crabby about it all lmfao)

Random idea but what happens when the acolytes got hold of Creator that is able to squeeze into small places (like a cat would but less liquid) and knows how to escape? Think of sagau but instead of all the deaths, its just they got overexited and chased the Creator the moment they see them which scared them shitless seeing a mob just appear out of nowhere.

I mean who wouldn't after seeing your favourite person in your favourite game just appear right in front of you? (I apologize in advance to the poor unfortunate sucker)

Imagine a world-wide search that keeps getting them heart attacks. Venti just flying by with Dvalin ony to see you on top of the floating pillar above Dragonspine LEANING PRECARIOUSLY OH MY ARCHONS GET AWAY FROM THE EDGE---

Zhongli walking around trying to find peace and quiet only to sense your presence which led him towards Azhdaha's domain and nearly shouted in terror seeing you hanging by one of the limestones above the slumbering dragon your grace what and how the in the fucking name of teyvat did you---

Yae Miko screaming in surprise seeing you inside one of the cupboards of your grace's house (you made a small temporary one in each country in case u need more rest) that she and Ei found in one of the remote islands.

Nahida and the entire Forest Rangers having one of the most intense, frustrating and most challenging game of hide and seek in the entire freaking forest.

You hiding underneath the sand like a fricking snake everytime Cyno spots you from a disrance.

-Vine Boom 🧨

I am no longer apologizing for lateness simply bc atp its basically assumed Im terribly sorry 💀 /so gen

  

Content under -----------------✄

☆

Sun: Reader, (you/they/them)

Orbit: Headcanons-ish, Imposter SAGAU? Imposter SAGAU Reversed Ver? unclear (NOT DARK)

Stars: little here, little there

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: reader/you thinks everyone is hunting them down, dark sagau fake-baiting lmao, & Trigger Warnings: none known.

Please comment if I missed any. /gen

No but the traumatic experience of you cautiously wandering into Mondstadt after realizing ur in Genshin like, ✨👄✨

and every single street/alleyway you try to go down to even avoid it is just people all looking at you like: 👁️👄👁️ ???

and ur over here equally just like: 😃 tf u lookin at????

u get up near the cathedral and finally see a playable character, Barbara, and she just fully GASPS and POINTS at you like she’s getting paid to be an actor for this

shouting sm nonsense like: “My Creator??? King of All???? IS THAT YOU?????”

and after which a few nuns check the commotion, Rosaria and Barbara’s Visions are glowing, and all join in heckling you

Venti coming (literally) flying around a corner on a breeze, saying he was trying to catch up to you, and ohhh now ur Convinced:

None of these bitches must be happy to see you, you did forcefully control their bodies if by the sounds of it they knew you/they must’ve been aware during the game, aw damn looks like u gotta run for your life now

You just book it out of Mond, Venti/Barbara yelling after you to come back, and meanwhile you’re leaving a shell-shocked Jean/Diluc/Kaeya (with Visions glowing) in ur wake on the way out

Not one being, mortal or otherwise, convinces you to stay in Mond, and you finally get to Dragonspine- the only place u know they wont follow

(well maybe the pyro characters but ur betting if u can make it up the mountain theyre not committed to,, running you down? arresting you?? ur not sure)

u make it all the way up and luckily everythings all solved like u did in the game, the traveler must be well into teyvat by now, and u decide to say “for the already achieved achievement” and fuck around and find out near the nail

U thought as u finally got on it u heard a scream somewhere in the sky, and u spotted Dvalin carrying Venti/Barbatos, and once again book it out of town (damn u cant believe theyre so committed they got the dragon in on it…)

so u haul ass all the way down the mountain, traveling only at night, living like a vampire, holing up during the day when u see Mond citizens/knights/gods/etc. walking around presumably looking for you

but u make it, finally! sweet, sweet Liyue, ur 2nd home (besides Mondstadt)

Only to immediately, like right outside the fucking gates to Liyue Harbor, run into Zhongli.

and he’s standing there like this mf knew u were coming, and the first thing out his mouth is some BS like, “…Darnell, that you??”/ref LMAOO

but instead of laughing abt it u just scream and run for your life haha

oh jesus h christ- he’s sending the adepti after you fuck- how hated are you??

sure u maybe hate Celestia a little, and sympathize with the traveler, but this seems a little extreme?!

you go to the one place u know he/any other adeptus doesnt like to come often, Azdaha’s cave

and after a night (well, day bc ur sleeping during the day now) of Azdaha sleeping peacefully, he wakes up fully coherent and u actaully have a rlly pleasant conversation with him about Liyue food lol

he also kept mentioning some kind of god? but like in reference to you?? are u connected to them, u kinda know a lot of gods atp so ur not sure which he means, a god to rule them all??? Celestia?? yeah u guess u know those fucks-

Cue u looking down from ur perch in the stalagmites above, u found a ledge and Azdaha helped you,

only to see a very concerned and borderline nervous Zhongli down below, Azhdaha just greets him like nothing’s wrong, but as soon as he sees you’re uncomfortable, helps you escape (more like teleport) away

(the old geo archon was probably nervous just be around Azhdaha u assume)

and now ur on the islands of Inazuma

u know exactly what islands are all but abandoned, the ghost one, the electrocuting one, and the scary bird one, all great options 👍

Raiden and Yae Miko manage to find you on every single one, with Yae getting more and more exasperated, and Ei getting more and more concerened with every position they find you in

hanging out on the banks of the electro river that would kill you if it weren’t for the little electro trees fending it off (thank fuck u maxed that shit out while in game)

bc u assumed they’d hate to be around it, plus lots of ronin- nope Ei is almost… scolding you?? oh but she’s got her Musou no Hitotachi out fuCK-

(she was slaying ronins that were getting too close to you)

she also is constantly jumpscaring you on tsurumi island/ghost island bc while the ghosts are gone, the creepy atmosphere isn't, and it makes her all the more terrifying as The Raiden Shogun comes walking out of the fog into the cave you've hidden in, stuff of ur nightmares for weeks as u just bird box style try to be silent and stealth around the island to get to an abandoned boat,

literally her scary ass purple sword glowing silhouette wandering around in the fog as you paddle away 💀

getting to thunder bird island and Yae Miko is literally both running/teleporting as quickly as she can to you, as you jump from floating rock to floating rock to escape her, god its so unnerving to watch someone so lazy running after you

she keeps getting in this weird “praising the heavens pose” sometimes when you jump, oh shit she’s aiming hER ATTACKS AT YOU THATS WHY-

oh good- she missed and deflected some stray debris coming ur way, u gotta get to the bird area and see if you can glide away (u managed to get a glider at some point thank fuck)

the bird is luckily on ur side against all these mfs trying to hunt u down (for controlling their bodies u guess) and flies u back to mainland teyvat

sumeru u thought would have the most mercy on u tbh, maybe fontaine bc Neuvillette only rlly cares if u break “fontaine” laws, maybe he wouldn't care to chase down a mortal like u over this

and nahida bc shes just nice

which is somewhat true, as you are acting like tarzan swinging around on vines and shit to escape the forest rangers

but she does show up in ur dreams, but shes just all foggy or distorted, u guess bc ur not of this world or smth??

and so it just unnerves u more, and u try to make it out to the desert, where at least there's no gods to worry about

mf ur hunkered down in a pyramid and see the shadowy shape of Cyno walking thru a sandstorm at you 💀

U dont kno how u got out of that one tbh, smth abt “king deshret made a plan for this” and left it behind for ppl to use to escape underground, sweet

And while Nahida and other eremites, scholars like Alhaitham/Kaveh/Dehya were looking around the desert sands, u slip by them

And u make it to the oasis at the edge of the desert, and steal an old rowboat to cross to fontaine (if i had a nickel everytime u needed to escape a god via old rowboat, youd have 2 nickels- )

and getting to Fontaine is not much better.

U literally get to the clockwork tower, foggy, ominous, uninhabited except for treasure-seekers occasionally, its perfect

until Neuvillette himself just strolls in abt 3 nights of u making camp there

u nearly shit urself as he just fake-knocked on a wall, meanwhile ur like hanging from the ceiling (four limbs out suspending you type of fictional shit)

luckily, mostly bc u were trying to wait him out (which wasn't possible ur limbs hurt so bad) he was, finally, the first person around u long enough to be genuinely kind and patient and answer questions

(Neuvillette acc couldn't figure out where u were at first, and was very confused how u got ur voice to boom around this chamber of the tower, after a minute of talking u trusted him enough to tell him to look up lol)

just in time too, he was able to hide u from the archons a little longer bc u were nervous

(u were already intimidated enough by Neuvillette being irl himself, talking to you, let alone all the other gods/vision users, as u realized afterwards thinking abt all the ppl trying to “hunt u down”, that if they all counted as ppl actually wanting to see you, that was a rlly overwhelming amount, esp if their first instinct is to run at you??? what are you, a fan-abused/disrespected kpop idol????)

☆

trying to be fancy and schedule posts once i get enough free time to actually wrangle my adhd to actually partake in my favorite hobbies 💀

well as long as I'm not getting slammed with lots of shifts again

hope u guys had a great weekend and have a good week! Happy late Valentine’s Day :)

Safe Travels Vine Boom,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

♡the Beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily / @justinsomniachild / @nanithefuck / @questionotmystopit

@kiyomi-uchiha777

[runa-falls]

Happy new year sweetheart and thank you for making me fall for Miguel over and over 😘

happy new year nonnie! i actually have a miguel-themed gift for you 🙃

obsessed

pairing: miguel o’hara x reader

cw: explicit (18+), mutual masturbation (kinda), reader has a degrading/neglectful kink?, soft!miguel, got theyre so simpy for each other, naked male + partially closed female, m!masturbation, cum eating, no contact orgasm 😀

wc: 1k

a/n: HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHES!! um. miguel is staying with me for this new year :/ whoops (not beta-read at alll) i finished this right when i was leaving for dinner so idek what it is lol

masterlist

---

Mutual masturbation had never been a regular occurrence in his previous relationships. It always seemed counterintuitive. Why would he jerk off when there’s a willing cunt he could be buried in?

But you’re different. Even though you never said anything, and he never pushes you to, he knows your little secret:

You’re a little voyeur. A closeted masochist.

You have this thing where you want to feel vulnerable and unworthy – hurt – before getting scooped up in his arms and make you feel like you’re the only girl in his world. 

After the first couple of times, you don’t even pretend to watch the porn video with him anymore, seemingly more interested in him and his attention -- or lack thereof-- to your presence in the room as he gets off. 

The way you cream for him as he fucks his hand to the thought of another woman is something else. He can tell that you crave the humiliation and embarrassment it brings. Of course, he isn’t really jerking himself to the porn at all, it’s all you, but you don’t need to know that.  

He squeezes himself at the base, stifling a deep groan. He’s already pulsing in his hand, dangerously close to the edge with how prettily you blink up at him, kneeling in front of the couch, half-naked and wanting. 

Your thighs are straddled over a cute heart-shaped pillow, the only type of stimulation he allows you to have. You bite your bottom lip as your hips move eagerly.

You aren’t supposed to make a sound – as it distracts him from the porn – but a few quiet whimpers still escape your mouth.  He’s just so hot with his heaving chest and lust blown eyes, trying so hard to look like he’s ignoring you when you know he’s just drowning out the overzealous moans and squeals of the TV to hear the shy whines next to him. 

Your rounded eyes, glazed with want and awe, drink in his every movement, not wanting to miss a single detail of the man in front of you. 

Miguel is so meticulous with how he touches himself. Working himself up from trailing a finger along the length of his shaft until he’s twitching with want, just to see how sensitive he is, to massaging the spot right under the tip of his cock because he knows how much you love to watch him drip and leak with precum. 

While he fucks his fist, another large hand will caress his body, over his dark nipples and the rippling muscles of his torso – something you wish you could do yourself. But the no-touching rule is most of the fun. It’s the denial, the knowledge that he really wants it too, but refuses because he knows what you need. 

He’s a generous lover to you, he’d do just about anything for you, but he’s so selfish to himself. 

Even then, he knows you’ll only do as much as he does. 

That means speeding up and grinding hard onto the pillow when he strokes himself generously, or edging yourself when he decides to slow down and let his cock twitch in his hand – so close, yet unbearably unsatisfied.

And he loves to edge, not just because it makes the euphoria of a climax that much better, but he loves to see your trembling body from the corner of his eye, knowing that just one touch, one sweet coo from his lips, could send you spiraling into an endless orgasm.  

You’re just so cute, with your furrowed brows, frustrated from the lack of orgasms he’s allowing himself – and you and the way you’re flushed from your cheeks to the top of your tits, happily humiliated from his lack of attention. It’s taking all of his control not to tackle you to the ground and show you who you belong to — who you’re unconditionally loved by.

He lets out a low groan as his hand speeds up and you can see the tension in his jaw as he clenches his teeth. He’s close and you know it. 

You dutifully scoot closer to the couch, back arched with your hands on your thighs to push out your tits.

This is your favorite part. After all the distance between yourself, Miguel likes to cum on your body, painting you in his lust as another way to show you who you belong to. You wait for him to turn to you, to let you in between his thighs with a soft moan.

But this time he doesn’t.

“Not this time, baby.” His voice is husky and his body tenses. You can barely hold in your pathetic little whimpers when he refuses to finish on you, opting to cum on his stomach just to tease you. 

Beads of milky white splatter onto his abs, trailing down the rippling muscle teasingly. Your mouth waters at the sight.

He swipes a few fingers through it before holding them up in front of you. You don’t have time to admire them before his glistening fingertips tap against your bitten lips, inviting you to have a taste. Your tongue noisily slurps around them, quickly cleaning them off as you let out a moan, begging for more. 

“Such a greedy little baby. You wanna clean up the rest?” Your round eyes drift down his torso to the splatters of cum glazed onto his muscled stomach. You feel your mouth water at the sight, cunt throbbing as you remind yourself who it’s for. Anyone but you. 

You nod frantically, “Yes please.” 

“What an obedient girl. Ok, go on.” You hungrily lean in, licking broad strokes along his stomach, trying to suck up everything that you can. “You like that? Cleaning up the leftovers?” You moan in response, savoring the taste on your tongue. Your desperate little cunt can barely take the humiliation. 

“You wish you were eating it out of a cunt, don’t you? A freshly fucked hole to remind you how pathetic you are.” Your eyes roll to the back of your head as your cunt flutters around nothing. You can’t believe you’re cumming half-clothed without even being touched. 

You can feel the warmth of his stomach against your cheek as you rest your head against him. “Fuck, baby. D-Did you just cum?” Your chest heaves as you try to catch your breath, thighs still trembling from the overwhelming wave of pleasure. 

“Mhm…”

And he thought he was obsessed with you. 

[python333]

im in love with your content omg😭 your writing style is just chefs kiss

can i req a reader with the tf141 being on a mission and hearing an enemy say something in british slang and they just go "what did they just say.." in comms? like a reader who doesnt know anything about slang like not even that bars in the uk r called pubs (if im not wrong) and just nods whenever a private talks in slang, and their brain is just trying to figure out what they just said?

its just a really silly plot with a silly reader :3

pardon? — python333

— — — —

synopsis just as the req says, you know nothing about british slang and on a mission the enemy speaks british and you dont know what theyre saying :3

relationships platonic!taskforce 141 & reader.

characters cap. price, soap, ghost, gaz.

word count 2.6k

warnings 2nd person pov [you/yours/yourself], usage of c/n [code name/call sign].

note HI YES I LOVE THIS REQ!! i take every opportunity i can to make fun of british people so this is right up my alley!! tysm for the compliments hjfhdjskf recently ive been getting more praise on my works and it makes me so happy i love yall. again, sorry if this sounds a little rushed or if any parts are incoherent, i wrote this at 12/1am and im both more productive and write more nonsense at this time + this one is wayyyy shorter than ones i usually do because i didnt know what else to write for it so i apologize for that as well! this is pure fluff and humor (i like to think im funny) so enjoy!!

“—eah, and now we have to camp out here ‘cause he can’t be arsed to do it ‘imself, so I feel like we should have a chat with the others, see if they’re willing to leg it out of here with us,” An enemy soldier suggests to you, his British accent thick enough that you think it might be cockney.

You cross your arms to hide your shaking hands and nod in agreement, as if you understood anything he said, and put on the same shitty British accent you’d been using for the past five minutes you’d been talking to this guy.

“Yeah, yeah, totally,” You agree, clearing your throat before asking, “You know where the others are stationed?”

“You don’t?” He asks, raising an eyebrow at you suspiciously.

“Mate, all the orders I was given went in one ear and out the other,” You sigh, holding back a wince at your desperate attempt to sound more natural using British slang, “I just know I’ve got to stand out here and shoot the enemy.”

The enemy eyes you suspiciously and he takes a moment to try and read your face before he says, “I don’t think I’ve seen you before, actually. Which would be weird, if we’re in the same platoon, don’t you—” 

You sigh and quickly pull out the small switchblade you had hanging on your belt, stabbing the enemy in the neck before he can say anything else and grabbing him before he can drop to the ground, putting a hand behind his back as you half lead half drag him into a dark alleyway beside the building he was stationed outside of. 

You quickly set him down into a sitting position and take your knife out of his throat, tucking the blade back into the handle before adjusting it to latch onto your belt once again, letting out a frustrated huff as you stare at the now dead man in front of you. 

“[c/n], how copy?” Price’s voice crackles through on your ear piece. 

You push in the PTT button and lower your voice, “Copy, I fucked up a little bit. One of the guys was onto me.”

“You were there for five bloody minutes,” Gaz’s voice rings through, his tone both disbelieving and amused, “How’d he already catch onto you?” 

“The British are smarter than I thought,” You breathe out, standing up and looking around for a ladder to climb to get to higher ground before anyone spots you. You go farther into the alley and find an old, rusty ladder with rungs that look like they’d snap if someone sneezed on them too hard—perfect for climbing up.

You wrinkle your nose as your hand makes contact with one of the rungs but don’t say anything otherwise, instead wordlessly hauling yourself up onto the ladder. 

“Reminder that there’s three British people with you, currently,” Ghost’s deadpan tone crackles, his breathing heavy, as you can tell he’s whispering into his mic, “All of which are very smart.”

“I caught you reading the instructions on a box of tea bags the other day, don’t fuckin’ talk right now,” You grumble, slowly climbing up the ladder, hating the creaking noises it makes as you do. It sounds like it’s going to snap at any minute, and you try to go up as fast as you can, but one wrong move and you’ll easily slip, some of the rust that flakes off of the ladder enough to make you slip up. 

“They were circles,” Ghost says, exasperated, “I didn’t know if that made a difference.” 

“I thought British people were supposed to know everything about tea,” You roll your eyes, putting your hand on the next rusty rung up on the ladder. 

“Yeah, L.t,” Soap agrees with you teasingly, the wind hitting his mic, making it obvious that he’s running, “Thought ye Brits were s’possed to ken everything ‘bout tea.” 

You laugh quietly to yourself as you finally make it to the top of the building, the top just high enough for you to look at the few soldiers below and hear a majority of their conversations without them noticing you.

You get to the edge of the rooftop and pull the sniper rifle you’d been carrying around off of your back, glad to finally be back in your element rather than trying to get in undercover, and set it up. 

You pull the stand out and set it on the edge of the roof, and look through the scope of the rifle, lining it up so that it’s aiming directly at one of the soldier’s heads, specifically the one that was standing directly out of the entrance you originally were meant to try and get into—but doing this didn’t change much.

Regardless of if you got in or not, he would’ve died, and the others would’ve gotten in too. You getting in first was just meant to make it more efficient.

You press down on the PTT button on your earpiece as you look through the scope of your sniper rifle, keeping the aim on the soldier in front of the entrance, “The guy in front of the entrance is just standing still, so whenever you need me to, I can shoot ‘im down.” 

“I don’t think we need to get in just yet,” Price hums, “But maybe in a minute.” “M’kay,” You hum, taking your eye away from the scope, instead just looking over at the enemy soldiers. You lay on your stomach, leaning your head down a bit to try and listen in on the enemy’s conversations easier, trying your best not to make yourself too obvious.

The conversations were pretty boring and almost the same for every soldier you’d eavesdropped on, for the most part. Enemy soldiers joking around, talking about what they’ll do once they’re on leave—like they would be able to do that after you completed your assignment—and just some general team camaraderie.

The lackluster subjects of their conversations weren’t bad at all, no, in fact, you could care less what they talk about. 

It was their stupid accents you hated. 

Are you surrounded by British people everyday? Yes. Does that stop you from hating on the British everyday? No. Okay, maybe the accents aren’t stupid, but God, they had the thickest cockney accents you’d heard in your entire life, and it was making your eavesdropping so much harder, and had almost been the reason you were given away earlier.

They used slang words that you’re certain you’ve never heard before in your life, and used analogies that didn’t even make sense—you heard one of them use the words, verbatim, ‘Don’t get stroppy’. Stroppy? Stroppy? 

You narrow your eyes down at the soldiers below you, listening to a conversation they’d just started up. 

“—eah, ‘cause he can’t be arsed to do anything about it, so now we have to camp out here and wait for somethin’ to happen,” One of the soldiers scoffs, “I’m telling you, man, if I see that skull-masked bloke runnin’ ‘round out here, I’m legging it from ‘im immediately.” 

You draw your eyebrows together in confusion, but you stay silent for now. Isn’t that exactly what the other soldier said? Are they like a hive mind or something?

“You’re legging it?” The other soldier asked, sounding almost incredulous, “What happened to you chattin’ to some of the others about your loyalty and what not?” “All that’s irrelevant when the fuckin’ grim reaper rolls around and starts murkin’ people like he’s been doing for the entirety we’ve been here, mate,” The first soldier laughs, “You think I wanna be here when he does that?” 

“Don’t act like a prat about it, man—fuckin’ talking’ like you can outrun him.” “A prat? I’m not—” You tune out the rest of their argument and instead try and figure out what they were saying.

A prat? Legging it? Can’t be arsed? What the fuck? You push the PTT button on your earpiece and as quietly as you can, you ask, “I need some help. Serious help. Life or death situation.” Immediately, Price’s voice rings through, “What? What is it? What happened?” “The soldiers are British and I can’t tell what they’re saying,” You answer, ignoring Price’s relieved sigh on his end, “I need help.” “Jesus, fuck, don’t scare me like that,” Price sighs, taking a few breaths before continuing, “Alright, what do you need help with?” 

“Figuring out what they’re saying.” This time, you hear Gaz’s voice crackle through, “Well, you’ve got three British people here—tell us what he’s saying.” 

“One of the guys was talking about ‘legging it’ if he saw Ghost heading towards him, and talked about Ghost ‘murking’ people, and then the other guy he was talking to told him he was being a ‘prat’ about it and he got all offended,” You eloquently say into the earpiece, watching as the argument gets a little more heated. You can hear an amused huff from Ghost on his end and a scoff from Soap in return. 

“They’re just saying they’re gonna run away if they see Ghost because he’s been killing a lot of their soldiers, and the other guy said he was being a prat, which I guess is like…” Gaz pauses to think of how to explain the slang term before settling on, “Someone who’s kind of full of themselves, I guess. Or ignorant. Either or.” 

“They couldn’t just say that?” You muse quietly, still staring down at the enemy soldiers. 

“I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just say that,” Price’s voice cuts through, “Go ahead and shoot the guy down. I’m ready to head in.”

“Got it,” You hum, quickly putting your eye back up to your scope and readjusting it a bit before quietly warning, “Shooting him now.” 

You pull the trigger and the enemy goes down immediately, and through your scope you can see the small twitching of his body as the other soldier starts to freak out.

You quickly aim the gun at his still-alive friend and shoot him down as well, silently congratulating yourself on your good aim and continuing to look through the scope, watching as Price runs in with Gaz and a few other soldiers. 

They struggle with the door for a moment and you sigh before pressing in the PTT button on your earpiece and quietly saying, “Price, Gaz, move away from the door for a sec.”

Wordlessly, they do as they’re told, and you take the opportunity to line up the gun’s aim with the complex electronic panel on the outside of the door and pull the trigger, shooting the most crucial part of the panel, causing it’s functions to disrupt and as a result, the doors open. 

“Thanks for that,” Gaz breathes out as Price kicks open the door, his voice cut off a bit at the end as he takes his hand off the PTT button too quickly in order to follow after Price. 

“Uh huh. Of course,” You say offhandedly, taking your eye away from the scope of your sniper rifle and listening to the loud sirens go off in the facility the others break into, and push yourself up so that you can sit up straight to properly watch it. You grunt as you sit up, stretching your arms out for a moment before letting them fall into your lap. 

“Are they in?” Soap asks, curious, his voice a little strained and breathy. There’s no loud gusts of wind coming through his mic anymore, and you look around for a moment, before your eyes catch on to him climbing up a ladder to get to the rooftop adjacent to yours.

Your lips twitch into a smile at the sight of him completely clueless to your presence and you press your PTT button to talk. 

“Yeah, they’re in,” You say, watching as he finally gets to the rooftop, “Didn’t you hear the sirens?” 

You can see Soap’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion for a moment, and he looks around for a moment before finally seeing you on the rooftop directly next to his, and he looks surprised for a moment before a grin splits across his face. You see him press the PTT button on his mic as well. 

“I did, yeah, just wanted tae be sure,” He says into his mic, looking right at you as he does, “It’s a surprise seeing you here.” 

“Imagine how I feel,” You muse, almost to yourself, before looking away from Soap and speaking up, “Ghost, you don’t wanna join us on the rooftops?” 

“Absolutely not,” He replies almost immediately, making you huff out a small laugh and Soap’s grin grow, “I’m perfectly fine on the ground.” 

“Where are you?” You ask, scanning the area around you for Ghost, “I feel like I haven’t seen you this whole time.” 

“I’m just behind the facility,” Ghost hums, voice still a low whisper, “I’m gonna be heading in once Gaz and Price make it to the second floor to clean up the first, in case there’s anyone left.” 

“You’ve been behind the facility this whole time?” Soap’s voice cuts through, surprised by the fact. 

“Mhm,” Ghost hums. 

“It’s a bit boring back there, innit?” Gaz’s voice crackles through, his voice a little breathy, “You can sweep the first floor, by the way. Should be nobody left, though. Pretty sure all the soldiers were just faffing around, not doing much.” 

“Fucking faffing around?” You ask incredulously to yourself, though apparently your voice is loud enough to make Soap chuckle. 

As if he can read your mind, Price’s voice comes through, “Faffing around is just doing nothing or doing nothing particularly productive, [c/n].” 

You sigh and push your PTT button this time, talking into your mic, “You couldn’t just say that, Gaz? You had to say something silly like faffing around?” 

“It’s not silly,” Gaz says, his frown audible, “They were faffing around.” 

“Jesus, fuck,” You breathe out, laughing lightly, “It’s totally silly.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yeah it is.”

“No it’s—” 

“I just want one day where you two don’t start up stupid arguments like this,” Price’s tired sigh comes through, “Just one day, I beg of you both.” 

“Aw, Captain, we were just faffing around,” You whine playfully, the misuse of the slang making Soap cover his mouth with his hand to muffle his laughter and you hear Ghost groan into his mic. 

“That is absolutely not how you use that,” Gaz says, though you can hear some laughter in his voice—from your very non-British accent saying British phrases, you presume, a small grin gracing your lips at the thought. 

“It sounded natural to me,” You lie straight through your teeth, shrugging even though only Soap can see you. 

“You’re insufferable,” Gaz groans, making you laugh quietly, “Never use British slang again, please.” 

“What if I get a British accent? Will that fix it?”

“Nothing can fix what you’ve said today, [c/n].”

“Well that’s dramatic,” You scoff, “I’ll learn British just for you guys.” 

“Holy shit, please stop talking,” Price’s exasperated voice interrupts the both of you, “You’re both insufferable. Drop it.” 

“… I don’t think I will,” You say defiantly, making all three British people in the same voice channel as you groan in unison, the sound sounding like some sort of middle school choir trying to sing in harmony, “I’ll use Duolingo or something to learn it.” 

“British isn’t a language you learn, you muppet,” Price grumbles, making you snort. 

“Muppet?” 

“It’s someone who’s dumb and clueless and can’t take a hint, like you,” Ghost defines, “And Soap, most of the time.” 

“Daen’t go draggin’ mae into this,” Soap’s voice quickly cuts through, “I haven’t said onything.” 

“Uh, yes you absolutely did, earlier, remember?” Gaz argues, ignoring Price’s protests for him to stop arguing, “About Ghost being stupid with the tea thing?” 

“Oh, I’ll have you all know—” 

“Ghost, don’t start—” 

You listen as the once casual, teasing conversation turns into an argument and chuckle quietly to yourself, knowing that they’d be arguing about this until you all finished your assignment.

[redrandomposts]

till narrowly missing ivan in every universe, either literally or figuratively, makes me giggle and cry at the same time AUUHSHSJSH if he was a regressor/reincarnator and og/alnst!till was watching his later incarnations, mans would be bald from tearing his hair out in frustration

"LOOK BACK MF LOOK BACK, YOU JUST MISSED HIM"

"THATS NOT WHAT HE MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT"

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO HAVE YOUR NTH SEXUALITY CRISIS, IVAN IS MOVING AWAY TOMORROW. MOVE IT"

and imagine his previous incarnations from other failed lifetimes watching the current lifetime with him and theyre all in the same frustrated state 😭

"can we PLEASE have one lifetime where we dont end up breaking his heart ? can we PLEASE—"

— 🌦️

HAHAHAHAHA LMAOOOOO

doomed lovers and tills watching it all happen, kicking and screaming

everytime an incarnation pops up in their little hell, he is kicked and beaten up and treated as a less-than-human being until the next one meets ivan. and then they're too focused watching how till (yes, that's you, a dumbass) misses every smile and glimmer of eyes and heartbreak that ivan shows.

"what the fuck?! what's he doing?! ivan is right there, don't go hitting on her - fuck! who is that idiot!"

"that idiot is you! do you remember how you made ivan your best man at your wedding?!"

"says the one had an arranged marriage with him then went to war and came home in love with a nurse!"

"all of you are idiots!"

and none of the tills know og till's backstory. most of the time he's writing songs and playing the guitar, as all of them do, but in a more extreme way. there's a little library with all the songs the tills have made, each shelf a different life. og till's is a whole bookshelf, but the ones about ivan only starts after he first appeared here.

(there's also the songs each and every ivan has made about till, for till, to till. those are treated much better than the ones the tills haphazardly throws into their respective shelves. they're encased in gold and glass, just as unattainable as ivan seems to be.)

extra reactions according to some of my aus (except it's all the bad ends and ooc??):

omegaverse

"...what the fuck?"

"WHAT'S A PHEROMONE?! ALPHA? THAT'S SO CRINGEY? WTF"

"GUYS!!! IVAN CAN BE PREGNANT-"

"-SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP-"

"holy fuck"

"it was indeed a fuck"

"did you know ivan could moa-"

"fucking hell we're all tills we're all here we all know!"

"BLOOD! GET A TISSUE YOU FREAK-"

"HALF OF US HAVE NOSEBLEEDS WDYM"

"please please please till hE IS PREGNANT-"

"..."

"what the fuck."

"HE'S DEAD?"

"guys i don't ever wanna get ivan pregnant if that's what's going to happen"

android au

"...he owns ivan..?"

"THAT'S NOT FAIR?? WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO DESERVE IVAN??"

"surely they fall in love, right?"

"don't fucking jinx it, you moron!"

"ivan's so cute... look! he's cutting the veggies into flowers!"

"hey! till! say thank you to ivan!!"

"ugh, can't he just get out the studio so i can see ivan??"

"till, can't you just be a stay at home musician?!"

"aww!! aren't those flowers in the stitching?"

"oh my god ivan hand sewed him clothes?!"

"that's not fair! ivan! you can't just give things to the idiot! or else!! ...or else."

"...you fucking jinxed it!!! ivan!!! you can't die!"

"how'd i know that they'd just shoot and never stop shooting?"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM??"

"i'll fucking BEAT THEM UP I SWEAR."

"??? why's he only just checked the cameras now since he got ivan?"

"...ivan's voice is so heavenly."

"..."

zombie au

"is it another boring one? haven't we already seen till and ivan have normal lives and drift apart or something else?"

"maybe this time, till will..."

"shut UP! CROW'S MOUTH, I SWEAR"

"nevermind that is nOT NORMAL FUCK"

"OH MY GOD HE IS ROTTING AND MOVING??"

"IVAN GET AWAY FROM THERE -"

"...ivan?"

"FUCK! HE DID IT AGAIN!"

"TILL YOU FUCKER GO BACK FOR HIM!!"

"...at least we still have ivan."

"...and till knows he loves ivan."

"...and they kissed."

".....oh fucking hell, why are you so happy?! ivan's basically till's dog! till doesn't deserve him!"

"well, as long as they cure ivan, they'll be together for real, right?"

"..."

"YOU FUCKING JINXED IT-"

"WHY'D THAT RANDO JUST SHOOT IVAN???

mermaid au

"oh my god he's a fish -"

"- ivan looks like a prince!"

"??? how can you be so rude to ivan!"

"why are his thoughts so weird? ivan's a human, not some pearl! he has dignity!"

"he's much better than some pearl, too."

"till knows he loves ivan, right??? surely??? with those thoughts..."

"i wanna see ivan's eyes...."

"i wanna see ivan's smile..."

"fuck! till, just speak to him god damnit!"

"oh my god!!! ivan!!!"

"??? where's his fishy parts?? ow, don't hit me-"

"...he looks so fine."

"hey! he's sixteen! you are definitely not sixteen, you fucking homewrecker!!"

"homewrecker?! i didn't cheat!!"

"you wrecked your and ivan's house life!"

"what?"

"where'd the letter come from??"

"how's there sea foam???"

"IVANNNN!"

"HE'S DEAD? JUST LIKE THAT?"

"HE DESERVED MORE YOU FUCKER-"

===

anyways im going to edit my masterlist to be better ig

[tesslinua]

Storm of Magic Region Matchup 6 - Primordial Life VS Erin

Propaganda

Primordial Life:THAT'S MY MOM!!!!!!! as the embodiment of life she holds all the beauty of all kinds of life by default. and it is so cool and pretty that she has many eyes and arm s and wings and her hair is also plants and feathers. and all the swirls.... she is so prettys

women prebby

Erin: Hotter when evil

He's a sad pathetic little wet rag hubrising and faking his way through life and he SUCKS and I HATE him and I hope he DIES /posi think i can safely say i am THE erin enjoyer. so buckle up. okay. for starters. i love me a good twink. that's the baseline. plus he has pretty black hair. plus he has indigo eyes (the best color). plus he wears a waistcoat and a cape. his TATTOOS. his fucking tattoos. how long did those take. theyre so intricate and they cover the entirety of both forearms. he couldve just gotten the runes necessary and hid them with a bandana like tarren but this freak doesnt do anything halfway. why would he? he's the elemental magus. he has to flaunt his status. that panel where he has his shirt open showing the void rune and he's got this concentrated/frustrated/stressed look on his face while he's reading his journal? makes me lose all higher brain functionings. also his eyes reflect the color of whatever magic he's casting. Pretty. he is. such a smug showy hubristic bastard and his ego infuriates and infatuates me. normally i hate people like this BUT he's also pathetic. he gets so cranky when falst steals his bag and when theia doesn't let him in the archives. and that fucking "by now, i… i hope you'd trusted me to know what i was doing" in ripples where hes looking down and he's so small in the panel. COME ON MAN whats your fucking problem. he's so sure of himself all of the time but it's so easy to make him crack and every time it happens i am filled with unbridled desire. i need to make him crack i need to make him realize the throne he thinks he's on is made of glass i need to watch him doubt his status and power. he is so much hotter when he's stressed. like when alinua says kendal didnt wake up post-zuurith? the pure anguish and fear in his face? Goddamn. not to mention the boat arc. that was the best example of him being soooo sure of his power, his control, and then having all of that shattered. "i HAVE to do everything alone! nobody can match me! nobody can help me in a way that matters! it always comes back to me to carry the weight, and if i fall, nobody can catch me! gods and legends want to help me? can any of you part the clouds, still the seas?! can you save me from the dragon?" drove me fucking insane every time i think about that i need to eat glass (yes i looked up that page to get the quote exactly right yes i spent approximately 10 minutes kicking my feet and giggling) seeing him get beat up is so nice i think it should happen more <3 i lov e seeing him battered and bruised and afraid and bloody and also i had never experienced sexual attraction to anyone, real or fictional, until i discovered erin fucking ruunaser, so like. thats an accomplishment i think.

[floralblur]

𝔘𝔭 𝔱𝔬 𝔑𝔬 𝔊𝔬𝔬𝔡 。

5 minutes with jinx.

nsfw 🩶 wc 1.3k

⊹˚.

“are you gonna tell me what you want or will you just keep staring?”, jinx probes, leaning on the bed with her legs dangling off the edge. her eyes cut right through, like theyre the only thing in the room when you’re looking at her. she’s looking up at you and waiting for you to just say it, to give in and describe all the fantasies you have running around your mind, but for your last shred of dignity, you cross your arms and scoff.

“you know exactly what i want. i don’t even need to say it! you always love to play games with me so maybe i’ll just walk away this time…” as you start stepping backwards slowly. by your hip, you’re instantly pulled forward to her, transfixed in her hands, the edge of her metal finger pinching your skin. “call it whatever you want. but you’re not going anywhere. you’re mine. okay?” of course, you’re already wanting her to show you all the ways you belong to her, blushing and getting weak knees at the thought of it.

she stands up from the bed, spinning you and laying you down in a quick motion, getting on top until she’s straddling your hips. her eyes flash darker while she moves herself back and forth on you, creating friction in all the right places, her hands wandering your exposed, hot skin pressing indents into them with her nails, one hand on your waist and another around your throat. she leans down to adjust her position, breathing heavily, whining quietly. moving the hand from your throat, she shifts it to the crook of your neck to stroke your skin, reaching up in into your hair and squeezing. the gradual pain makes you arch up and moan a little more, but the feeling subsided once she stops moving, getting so close to your ear. “repeat after me, and if you hesitate, i’ll stop. got it?” in your lustful daze, you mindlessly nod at her request, itching to keep her grinding against your body, but that just won’t do. “repeat every fucking word,” tugging at your hair again eliciting a whine and nods of acknowledgement.

a devilish grin sweeps across her face as you look at her from below, awaiting instruction obediently. “i’m yours, forever and always.” this one seems easy, you repeat it back to her sweetly, unsure where she intends to go.

her voice gets even quieter next to your ear, as she says each word with the lightness of a feather, “i’m your slut and i need you to make me come right now,” halts you in your tracks for a moment. not because it isn’t true but saying it in words, out loud? you stutter out “i’m your-” before she starts mockingly tutting at you in disapproval, crossing her arms and sitting back up. “tell me how bad you want me to fuck you or it’s not gonna happen. my rules.” you try to get the upper hand by pushing your body up and moving your leg to get around her for leverage but she’s firmly holding them down, taunting you. “awww baby… dont try and cheat you way out of this,” causing you to groan in frustration muttering “fuck..” under your breath. “i know you could probably touch yourself and finish just by looking at me, but i won’t touch you,” she leans in to stare into your eyes, meaning every word - “i won’t have my fingers inside you, thrusting you until you’re drenched, while im biting your soft perfect skin if you don’t tell me you’re my dumb little toy.” she giggles uncontrollably feeling you squirm underneath her, relishing in the power she holds over you. “i won’t do anything you have wet dreams about if you don’t tell me you’re my whore.”

you’re still thinking which you should even say, but it feels so vulnerable to say out loud, whispering to dampen the feeling, “i’m your.. dumb little.. whore…” but yet she still isn’t pleased. jinx is oh-so particular. “nuh uh… say it with a little more need, or i’ll think you just don’t want me anymore. and you wouldn’t want that when i can hear you heart through your chest hmm?” with every word she exposes you more and more, and the more her nails clamp into your skin to stop you, the more desperate you feel to ease the aching of your clit, and through some gritted teeth you call yourself her toy with a little more conviction. for each time you repeat it, she moans to herself, starting to rub herself on you again, muscles tense and maintaining the pressure of her hands on your body.

“see? it wasn’t so hard to be obedient, was it? i’ve been a little brat but… you’ve been such a good girl so i’ll reward you now…” her hand creeping down your stomach and between your legs, through your underwear to your clit. her middle fingers slide in so easily you can hear it, while she whines with every thrust, occasionally taking them out to stare into your eyes with desire while she tastes you, soaking it up from the knuckle to the tip of her finger.

she continues working you down there with another finger this time, stretching you out and sending you into a frenzy a little more, biting the skin of your collarbone, pinching your stomach and whispering how wet you are, how good you taste. “you look so fucking good when you take me inside you, such a dumb puppy for me, moaning so loud,” and you’re nodding, moaning mindlessly for her, begging her to not stop, “p-please jinx, ngh, keep fucking me like that, i’m so wet and fucking needy, please,”, hands clawing at her back, running up through her loose wavy hair. the closer you get to finishing the more she notices and starts to slow down, forcing you to beg more and more. “so fucking mean, stop edging me, please just let me finish, please,” with tears in your eyes, overstimulated from being right there for so long with no reward.

she bites her lips and taps them with wet fingers covered in your cum, pondering what to do with you, while you writhe and grind any surface. ”hmm… i’m so mean? do you wanna stop then? because i can stop…” lazily licking the pads of her fingers. you start to move your hands down to yourself in desperation, causing her to move them away and hold them above your head. she’s arched back down to your body, your chests grazing each other’s. “don’t play games with me. i know how to make you feel good.”

she moves one of her hands down to your mouth, forcing it open, pressing her fingers to your tongue. “taste how fucking good you are,” closing your mouth and moving her fingers in and out, watching you take it from base to tip before sloppily kissing you on the mouth, with loud moans. her now wetter hand goes inside you again and the warmth of her inside you forces your body into overdrive, moaning into every kiss, begging for it when your lips aren’t touching. “oh fuck, i’m so close, mmf- please, i’m your dumb fucking toy, keep fucking me like that,” making her go faster and slower, changing pace for what noises she wants to hear you make, running your hand up and down her abdomen when she sits up. the longer she goes on the longer you cant take it, until you’re shaking and feel like the galaxies have imploded, your legs shaking under her body, dripping and sighing out of breath.

she leans down and kisses you softly around your face, on your lips and cheek, nose and forehead. “such a good girl for me, aren’t you,” and “you’re my everything” making your heart swell and you shy away in embarrassment.. but to be cherished like this? well it’s all you’ve ever wanted.

⊹˚.

i wrote this at 3am for a friend <3

[stevie-petey]

I HAVE A BLURB IN MY BRAIN

Steve having a dream about him and bug being together. Like they're being cute and lovey towards each other then just as they're about to kiss he wakes up😭 it doesn't matter which season!

oh this is SO season 3 steve coded its insane

enjoy <3

"youre going to get me in trouble." steve whispers against your ear, and he grins when he feels you shiver at the sensation. he hums, pulls you into his chest, encases you into his arms.

"but im cold," you manage to breathe out, sliding your hands underneath steves uniform and giggling when he winces and jumps away. "warm me up, honey."

youre smiling up at steve with the glint in your eyes that makes his knees weak. he was supposed to clock in ten minutes ago, but you had tugged at his shirt and demanded he stay with you. now your nails dig slightly into his skin and his stomach burns intimately at the sensation.

and yet you smile up at him innocently, completely aware of what youre doing to him, and steve has never been so in love before.

"angel," he drags you back into his arms and buries his face into your hair, groaning. "robin will kill me if im late again."

"are you denying your girlfriend the warmth of your body?"

"its june!"

you tilt your head up at steve, eyebrows scrunched together despite how much youre enjoying this. steve is like putty in your hands right now, he knows that with one single scrape of your nail, you could make him beg for you, and he loves that you know this, too. with a pout, you stand on your tip toes so that your nose presses against his. "still cold."

steve bites his lip to stop himself from biting yours. "angel-"

"please, honey?" you bat your eyelashes at him, and hes so intoxicated with you.

looking over at the cash register, steve doesnt see robin, so he risks sliding his hand down to the curve of your lower back, just above your ass, and presses your hips against his. you gasp at the sensation, there isnt an inch of space between your bodies, and yet steve wishes he could be closer to you still. "is this better?"

"i dont know," you press all your weight against the boy, steve relishes in the way your legs intertwine with his. you remove one of your hands from under steves shirt and bring it to his face, now skimming a nail from the crest of his cheek down to his lip. "my lips are still feeling pretty cold."

steve bites back a moan, youre going to be the death of him. using the pad of your finger, you tug at his bottom lip, and all steve can think of right now is how to draw your hips even deeper into his.

seeing his reaction, you giggle. "still with me, honey?"

"yes," steve manages to rasp out, his throat suddenly dry. he slides his hand further down, now resting it on the curve of your ass, and he smirks when you let out your own small pleased sigh. "im right here."

"then kiss me."

the frustration in your voice is adorable, and steve cant help but chuckle at it. he cups your face with his hand and tilts your head up once more. your eyes meet his, theyre blissed out and he can see the love you have for him within them, and steve cant believe youre his.

he leans in, he takes his time as he slowly takes you in. when steves lips are finally, finally about to capture yours between them, a loud ringing infiltrates his head.

"fuck!" steve is ripped from his dream, cruelly and suddenly. in his moment of dazed confusion, he kicks wildly and almost sends you flying off the bed.

its only when he frantically catches you that he realizes it had all been a dream. he fell asleep in your bed last night after comforting you, and now hes holding you by your leg as you dangle off of your bed, and steve wants to scream.

your lips still burn his.

"fuck! sorry!" but steve doesnt have time to mourn the loss of them, he has to get to work and youre half asleep next to him and havent thrown him out yet.

for now, steve can only hope that he'll dream about the kiss again tonight. like he has every night for the last two months now.

“COME HOME” BLURB MASTERLIST

if you’d like to buy me a coffee ☕︎

[pinkertinn]

hi im actually obsessed with don't leave baby eagle on read

would you ever write soemthing like that (like Ashley teasing him dynamic) where theyre messing around under a tablecloth somewhere? like handjob w gentle teasing and maybe praise?

Anon!!! Anon, say less. Teasing Leon? In a public place? Under a tablecloth? Maybe praise?

Quick get this off my table right now. I'm obsessed. Also, big thanks for reading my work. Makes my day!

Title: Fashionably Late, But Always on Time

Summary: Leon arrives late to a formal dinner, only to be teased mercilessly by Ashley under the table as they try to keep up appearances.

Tags: Flirty Banter, Public Teasing, Hidden Desires, Light Dom/Sub Dynamics, Humorous Embarrassment, Power Play, Slow Burn Tension

WordCount: 3,500

Rating: 18+ MDNI

story under the cut.

She sat at the long table, the clink of silverware and the low hum of conversation surrounding her like a fog. The evening was supposed to be dignified—impressive, even—but all she felt was the slow burn of frustration creeping up her spine. It wasn't the people or the event itself; it was the fact that he wasn't there yet, and she'd been left to fend for herself against a wall of polite small talk. Her phone buzzed in her lap for the hundredth time that night.

On my way, I swear.

She bit her lip, hiding her smirk behind a sip of wine. You’re late, she shot back quickly, her thumb tapping out the message under the table.

A few seconds later: Traffic. You'll survive. What’s the damage?

Her eyes darted up to catch someone talking animatedly about diplomatic relations. She hadn’t been paying attention for a good twenty minutes now, but she nodded anyway, pretending to care. Her thumb hovered over the screen. You’re paying for this. Big time.

The response came almost immediately: Depends. How mad are you?

She couldn’t help the grin pulling at the corner of her mouth as she shifted in her seat. He always knew how to push her buttons, and somehow, it was annoying and comforting all at once. She leaned forward just slightly, letting her fingers slide over the screen with a slow precision.

Let’s just say I have some ideas on how you can make it up to me. They’re not exactly presidential.

She could almost hear the way he'd laugh at that, the way his voice would drop lower when he finally arrived, teasing, a mix of apology and amusement lingering in every word. A subtle thrill buzzed beneath her skin at the thought of it—him showing up at this stuffy event, his tie loosened like he just couldn't be bothered to care about the formalities, eyes searching for her in the crowd. He’d probably head straight for the bar first, like always.

Her phone buzzed again. You’re killing me. Almost there.

Good, she typed back quickly, because if you make me suffer through one more story about NATO, you’re not leaving my place until Monday. She paused, deleting the last part and rewriting it: And we both know you’ll never make it out of bed if that happens.

Her heart beat a little faster as she hit send, the words bold but charged with the weight of everything that wasn’t being directly said between them tonight. The back-and-forth had a rhythm to it, one they’d mastered ages ago—teasing, playful, but always teetering on the edge of something more, something they both knew would come later.

The room felt too hot, or maybe that was just her, thinking about how this night might end. She shifted in her seat again, smoothing her dress as though it would help her focus on anything other than the slow ache building in her stomach. He had a way of leaving her hanging, just long enough to make her miss him, just long enough to make her want to drag him back down to earth when he finally showed up.

A text blinked onto her screen: I’ve got plans for you, too. You sure you can wait that long?

Her breath hitched, cheeks warming under the pretense of politeness as she quickly glanced up. No one was paying attention to her; they were all still talking, still engrossed in their own conversations, completely unaware of the tension coiling in her chest. She took a slow, deep breath, typing with steady fingers.

Guess we’ll see how long you last once you get here.

The anticipation gnawed at her, that familiar mix of frustration and excitement pulling her thoughts in a direction that had nothing to do with the formal dinner in front of her. She hated him for it—how easily he could do this, how he made her feel like a teenager sneaking glances at her phone under the table. She'd spent the last hour pretending to be invested in conversations that bored her to tears, all while her mind kept wandering back to him. He always seemed to slip in under her skin, no matter where they were or what they were supposed to be doing.

A quick glance at the clock confirmed it—he was SO late. And she’d definitely make him pay for it.

Her phone buzzed once more: Five minutes. Hold that thought.

She bit her lip, locking her phone and slipping it back into her clutch. Five minutes. He’d better be worth the wait.

Exactly five minutes later the heavy wooden doors at the back of the room creaked open, she felt it before she saw him. A subtle shift in the energy, like a current had swept through the air, crackling with something undeniably him. She didn't even need to look; she just knew. He always carried that kind of presence—an unspoken, irresistible pull that seemed to stop time for just a second.

He entered the room with effortless grace, his suit impeccably tailored, tie just loose enough to match the way she'd pictured him. His hair, slightly tousled as if he'd run his fingers through it in frustration during the drive, added an unpolished, rugged edge to his usual sharpness. It made him look more… raw. The casual way his fingers brushed the doorframe in a fleeting acknowledgment sent a flutter of anticipation through her. He never quite belonged at these formal events, but somehow, he always managed to make it work—damn well, too.

Her gaze flicked up, just for a moment. He was scanning the room, eyes sharp but relaxed, looking for her like she was the only person here that mattered. And when their eyes finally met, a small grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, his expression softening in that way that made her heart pound a little harder than she’d care to admit. He could be all business when he needed to be—charming the crowd, shaking hands with a firm grip, his posture straight and serious—but right now, his focus was locked on her.

He made his way over, stopping to exchange pleasantries, the occasional handshake, a nod to some official who probably expected him to be more engaged. But all the while, his gaze would flick back to her, lingering like a private joke shared between them across the room. The closer he got, the harder it became to keep her composure, her pulse quickening as he finally closed the distance.

"Sorry I’m late," he murmured, sliding into the seat next to her, his voice low enough that only she could hear. It was that voice—the one he used when they were alone, intimate in a way that made her want to forget they were surrounded by high-ranking officials and polished silverware. "Traffic was hell."

She didn’t look at him right away, though she could feel the warmth of him so close now, the faint scent of his cologne mixing with the clean, subtle musk that was just him. Instead, she leaned slightly closer, enough that her bare arm brushed against the sleeve of his jacket, her lips barely curving as she whispered, "You’re going to regret making me wait."

He chuckled softly under his breath, a sound that sent a ripple of heat straight through her. "I’ve been regretting it since I walked through the door."

She barely had time to smirk in response before she reached up to her ear, fingers brushing over her earring as if adjusting it. Then, with a deliberate tilt of her head, she let it drop, the small piece of jewelry landing softly on the carpet under the table. She made a small, exaggerated sigh, leaning just a little closer to him.

"Oops," she whispered, her lips almost grazing the curve of his jaw before she leaned back, placing her hand on his thigh, pushing herself up slightly as she slipped out of her chair and ducked under the table.

He froze, the low conversation at the table above them seeming to blur into the background as she disappeared from view. She moved slowly, deliberately, taking her time as she reached for the earring that had “fallen,” her fingers grazing his ankle, then his shin. The proximity was dangerous, thrilling. He could feel the brush of her breath against his leg, her soft, teasing touch dragging higher, lingering near his knee.

Above, he cleared his throat, eyes darting around to make sure no one was paying attention. His body tensed under her touch, but his expression remained carefully composed. "You’re playing with fire," he muttered through clenched teeth, his hand gripping the edge of the table just a little tighter.

She didn’t respond, not with words anyway. Instead, she let her hand slide higher, nails grazing the fabric of his pants as she shifted under the table, taking her sweet time retrieving the earring. Her lips brushed the inside of his thigh, featherlight, sending a jolt through him that he barely managed to suppress. The anticipation of it all—the forbidden teasing in such a public setting—made the heat between them burn that much hotter.

Finally, she slipped back into her chair, the earring held daintily between her fingers as she shot him an innocent smile, like nothing had just happened. Her heart raced, adrenaline rushing through her veins, but she played it cool, setting the earring back in place with slow, deliberate movements.

"Got it," she whispered, her lips grazing just near his ear before she leaned back into her seat, though the warmth of her body still clung to him, an intoxicating reminder.

He exhaled, a little shakier than he intended, his fingers brushing her thigh beneath the table—a silent, fleeting promise that this wasn’t over. Not even close.

As if on cue, her fingers slipped back under the table, moving so casually it could’ve been mistaken for adjusting her napkin. The moment her hand made contact, he stiffened, a barely noticeable shift in his seat—except she noticed. She always did. Her fingers teased his thigh, just the faintest brush through the fabric of his pants, as if daring to see how far she could go without anyone around them suspecting.

"Relax," she breathed, lips barely moving, her eyes forward on the conversation around them as if nothing was amiss. The teasing glint in her gaze stayed fixed on the speakers at the table, but her attention was all on him, on the way he shifted under her touch. "You deserve a little distraction after keeping me waiting."

His breath caught in his throat as her hand inched higher, teasingly slow, tracing the firm muscles of his thigh with an almost affectionate familiarity. Every touch was deliberate, calculated, but still light enough to drive him insane with anticipation. Her thumb brushed up his inner leg, circling the sensitive area just above his knee, her hand resting there as if to remind him she was in control.

"You're lucky no one's looking under this table," she murmured under her breath, her voice low, barely above a whisper. Her fingers slid up again, grazing closer and closer to his growing hardness. She could feel the tension radiating off of him, the way his posture had stiffened, legs spread just a little wider to give her more room to work her mischief.

He shifted, turning his head slightly to glance at her, a mixture of warning and desperation in his eyes. "Don’t push it," he muttered, but his voice was strained, betraying how much he wanted her to keep going.

"Or what?" she teased, her lips curving into a smug smile. Her hand brushed over his bulge now, just enough pressure to make him twitch in response, his breath catching as she pressed her palm firmly against him, rubbing in slow, deliberate strokes. "You’re not exactly in a position to make demands right now."

He swallowed hard, jaw tightening, his hand gripping the edge of the table to keep himself grounded. She was relentless, fingers trailing lightly along the length of him through the fabric, tracing every inch as though she had all the time in the world. It was a dangerous game—one she was winning, and they both knew it.

"Good boy," she whispered, her voice barely audible as her hand squeezed him, a little firmer this time. His reaction was instant—his hips shifted, pushing subtly into her hand as if he couldn’t help himself. The praise hit him hard, that mix of teasing and genuine affection that always got under his skin in ways he couldn’t explain.

She leaned in closer, lips brushing his ear as she kept stroking him under the table. "You like it when I take care of you like this, don’t you?" Her voice was soft, almost sweet, a complete contrast to the filthy things she was doing beneath the tablecloth.

His breath came out in short, shallow bursts, the need building inside him with every subtle stroke of her hand. He wanted to reach out, stop her, or at least make her slow down, but the way she kept praising him, teasing him—it was making it impossible to think straight.

"You’ve been so good since you got here," she continued, voice dropping lower, more intimate. "Sitting here, pretending like nothing’s happening… but we both know you’re losing it under that suit." Her fingers curled slightly, pressing harder against him, her movements quickening just enough to drive him to the edge of control. "I think you like it, being all buttoned up while I do this. Makes you feel dirty, doesn’t it?"

He let out a quiet groan, barely audible but enough to make her grin in satisfaction. She could feel how hard he was now, the tension burning off him as she worked him with slow, rhythmic strokes. The urge to tease him even more, to push him just a little further, was overwhelming.

"Keep it together," she whispered, her lips brushing his earlobe. "Think of it like a stealth mission. Don’t get us caught... unless that’s what you’re after?"

He sucked in a breath, trying to maintain some semblance of composure, but her words were unraveling him, piece by piece. The gentle praise, the way her hand worked him over through his clothes—it was making it impossible to focus on anything other than the heat building between them.

Her fingers pressed harder, stroking him in steady, relentless movements, her thumb brushing over the head of his erection just enough to drive him insane. "You’re doing so good for me," she whispered, the words slipping out with an almost sultry affection. "Just stay quiet… and let me take care of you."

His breathing was ragged now, chest rising and falling as he struggled to keep his composure. She knew she had him exactly where she wanted him—on the edge, teetering between control and the desperate need for release, all while they sat surrounded by dignitaries and officials, none the wiser.

"You’re gonna pay for this," he growled out through clenched teeth, his voice low, filled with barely restrained need.

She smirked, leaning in one last time to whisper, "I’m counting on it." Then, with a final squeeze, she pulled her hand away, leaving him on the brink of madness, breathless and aching under the table, longing for something more.

As he regained his composure, the conversation at the table shifted, the voices of the other guests mingling like background noise, just as one of the older officials—a stern-faced man in his sixties—turned to him.

“Kennedy,” the man said, raising an eyebrow with a smirk playing at the corners of his lips. “You’re cutting it a bit close tonight. Care to share what kept you? We were beginning to think you’d bailed on us.”

Leon’s face didn’t flinch; he’d been trained for this kind of thing—quick thinking, flawless execution. He straightened up in his seat, hands resting casually on the tablecloth, and offered a small, apologetic smile.

“Well, you know how it is," he began smoothly, his voice calm, not missing a beat. "Duty calls at the worst times, and traffic through D.C. isn’t exactly forgiving—especially when you’re coming from a briefing.” He met the man’s gaze, unflinching, the picture of professionalism.

But just as he delivered the perfect answer, he felt it—a sudden, deliberate squeeze against his thigh. Her hand had found its way back under the table, fingers pressing firmly, teasingly, right over the same spot she had been tormenting earlier. His body jolted involuntarily, and his breath caught in his throat.

He coughed—a sharp, sudden sound that made everyone at the table glance in his direction. His cheeks flushed instantly, a heat rising up his neck as the smooth façade he’d been maintaining cracked under the pressure of her playful touch. He glanced down, just barely, eyes narrowing in warning, but the smirk on her face was unmistakable.

Before he could gather himself, she chimed in, her voice laced with playful innocence. “I, for one, am just glad he never arrives early,” she said with a perfectly straight face, her hand squeezing him again just as the last word left her lips.

Leon barely managed to regain his composure, but the heat radiating from his face was unmistakable. He shifted in his seat, praying no one noticed the subtle tension in his posture. Ashley had retreated her hand, but the teasing, devilish smile on her lips told him she still wasn’t done. Not yet.

Once the spotlight shifted away from them and the conversation at the table resumed, he felt her lean in close again, her lips grazing the sensitive skin of his ear as her hand slipped back into his lap. His heart raced, the heat radiating from her presence, the delicate movements of her fingers, and the softness of her breath igniting something primal within him that he could no longer contain.

“You always come right on time for me,” she whispered, her voice low, sultry, the words laced with double meaning that sent a jolt of heat straight through him.

And just like that, his body betrayed him.

His breath hitched, barely controlled, as a sudden wave of intense pleasure surged through him—sharp and overwhelming. His hands tightened into fists under the table, his muscles going rigid as he fought to keep from making any sound, the sensation crashing through him with a force he hadn't expected. His heart pounded in his ears, his pulse throbbing as the world around him blurred.

He was coming, right there at the table, his body betraying him with a shudder he could barely keep in check. It was quick, desperate, and utterly humiliating, yet the rush of pleasure was undeniable. He clenched his jaw, his teeth gritting as he struggled to hold back any outward sign, but he could feel the wetness pooling against the fabric of his briefs, soaking through.

Ashley pulled back slightly, her gaze flicking over him knowingly, a hint of satisfaction in her eyes as if she could sense exactly what had just happened. And before he could fully recover, she leaned in one more time, her lips brushing his cheek in the softest, most delicate kiss.

It was innocent enough on the surface—just a sweet gesture, nothing out of the ordinary for anyone paying attention. But the pressure of her lips against his skin, the way they lingered, the suggestive warmth in her voice when she whispered, “I told you you’d pay for being late,” made it anything but innocent.

Leon couldn’t respond. His body still trembled with the aftershocks of release, his mind barely catching up to what had just happened, and he was left speechless, still flushed with both pleasure and mortification. The sensation, the intensity of it, made him dizzy.

Ashley, for her part, sat back in her chair, completely composed, a satisfied smile playing on her lips as though nothing had happened. She didn't even glance his way again, as if she'd already won, leaving him to stew in his embarrassment while the dinner conversation continued around them.

Leon swallowed hard, still processing everything, his gaze darting around the table to ensure no one had noticed his moment of weakness. But as Ashley shifted beside him, her hand lightly brushing his under the table in a silent reassurance, a warm comfort settled in his chest.

Despite it all, she had him—completely and utterly—and now they just needed to survive the rest of the evening. They waited patiently for the others to leave, cherishing their private moment amidst the surrounding noise. Finally, he turned to her, a hint of guilt in his eyes. “I’m really sorry for being late,” he murmured.

She met his gaze with a teasing smile, her eyes sparkling. “Don’t worry about it. I think we’re even now—after all, I made you arrive on time in front of everyone.”

[nishitanis-left-nut]

spoilers i guess for nanbas backstory but it doesnt really matter honestly. i sound like a broken record (at this point im annoying myself) but ill blow up if i dont talk about how weird the character writing is in this game every time they pull something like this. nanba being a criminal made sense, it made sense that hed get along with ichiban and know how things in the underworld work since he was a part of it at some point. i like saeko but the fact that shes a civilian with 0 ties to anything shady has been bothering me since the start, and now that problem extends to nanba (adachi is a whole nother can of worms) they keep de-fanging everyone and its getting kind of frustrating (ended going on a couple of tangents theres spoilers for Y0 and 5 under the cut too)

i liked zhaos introduction, he was fun and unreasonable and an unapologetic asshole that seemed to have things running under a vice grip. but the more ichiban and him talk the clearer it is that it was all just theatrics with no real bite behind it. i would compare him to majima but majima is an example of that trope done right. and the games were never shy about showing him doing "bad things", it didnt feel like they were afraid of "going too far" with him and making him unlikable (yea theres the unspoken rule of "he cant actually kill anyone" but you get what i mean, its more of a base-line for everything else that they CAN get away with)

admittedly if we compare the "bad" things both kiryu and majima do on-screen the games do make an effort to not really dwell on the fact that kiryu was, in fact, a pretty fuking good loan shark. and i doubt all the people he was assigned to go collect from were evil men that deserved a beating. its like the game's trying its damndest to make you like these characters and think of them as "good people" but it comes across as kind of desperate? wanting to eat your cake and keep it and all that

what im trying to get to i think is how in literally all of the other games the characters are allowed to not be perfect. even farther than that they were allowed to be terrible and do terrible things since thats what the entire franchise is based around??? youre telling me they could have a character in y0 that was part of a sex trafficking ring and be able to make him layered and charismatic but nanba selling hospital drugs for extra cash was too much? and not even going to that extreme since yakuza 0 was a prequel they could afford to just kill oda off: saejima taking revenge on kugihara by stomping on and breaking his arm, akiyama assigning women to work at his cabaret as one of his tests, nishiki, tanimura being a slime ball, kiryu having worked as a loan shark, takasugi violently harassing shinada for his money back, baba almost killing haruka, nishiki.

i dont think its anything wild to say that you kind of have to go into these games expecting that a lot of the characters you meet will be people that have done bad things because of the environments they live in and different parts of society they come from. so when you keep presenting characters with very reasonable flaws and then backtracking and going "oh no theyre actually good dont worry!" it starts to get a little weird. like, you know youre allowed to have criminals in your crime drama right? masato and arakawa are the only ones that feel like they fit into how the franchise works

im so upset at my own inability to just accept that the games are gonna be completely different from this point on honestly

[f1-unpopularopinions]

Okay this is a rant

Fans project onto the drivers waaaaaay too much. They push their own emotions, personalities, and points of view on whichever driver is their favorite and try to force everything they say and do to fit that. It’s why there is so much Lando and Oscar hate right now. The fans are desperate for those two to be what they want them to be, usually soft uwu boys. And the minute they deviated away from it, especially Lando, everyone labeled them as evil or arrogant. I’m not even a Lando or Oscar fan and I can see that.

Famously all drivers are extremely competitive, willing to do whatever it takes, think theyre the best, and are assholes on the track. You can’t be in f1 without those traits. But so many fans refuse to admit that and the minute it becomes clear that this is the truth and not whatever fantasy they created, they freak. It’s beyond ridiculous. You should not be a fan of f1 if you can’t handle this. Cause yes, the drivers will say rude things, they will be arrogant about their skills, they will be bitchy about team orders, they will get pissy when they lose, they will usually not get along with their teammate, they will snipe at each other in the press, they will push too hard and hit each other on track and then claim it wasn’t their fault. That’s what happens. That’s fucking f1.

I’ve watched this sport get slowly santitized as the years go on, as new fans come in and decide the things they don’t like must be changed. It’s ridiculous. So now all teammates have to be best friends. So now team orders are evil. So now a driver being upset they didn’t win in ungrateful. So now a team is heartless for cutting an underperforming driver loose. So now all the drivers must be perfectly behaved little princes who are always happy, and grateful, and kind. I cannot imagine how frustrating and demeaning that is for them. I would rip out my own hair if people treated me like that. But no, if a driver expressed frustration with this I can almost guarantee fans would call them spoiled or ungrateful.

And on top of that all they have to contain, you have cameras shoved in their faces wherever they go. Any video you find of a driver, and their are at least five cameras not even a foot away from them. And people scream in their face, and grab them, and expect them to give them time because theyre a fan. Every movement is scrutinized, their facial expression and body language are over analyzed, people make assumptions about their relationships and lives, and they can’t say boo about it. It’s been like this to a smaller extent for years of course but it’s just exploded since honestly DTS. If I had 30 people shoving merch at me screaming my name, I signed it, and then some asshole on the internet made a whole video about how I wasn’t pleasant enough when I was getting mobbed and treated like a commodity I would explode.

I guess to finish off this super long take, I just want to say that f1 drivers will never be what you want them to be. So either fix your expectations and let them be human or stop fucking watching.

Send us your unpopular F1 opinions!