#but i finally was like fine ill do it
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I finally asked my prof who his fav Habsburg is and he was SO delighted 😭 I told him I've been researching and he was like "on your own???" 🤭🤭
#my friend told me he'd be very pleased but like oof social anxiety yknow#but i finally was like fine ill do it#AND HE WAS SO HAPPY LOL#when i said charles vi he was like wow thats far back!#i think he said joseph ii was his? so cmon man my boy is only 2 generations back 😭#im not surprised if his is Joseph II considering he told us to watch Amadeus#but he was telling me some anecdote about a royal funeral#and was like pls come take Austria Civ#im going to be a maniac in that class >:)#very good though that he didnt ask *why* ive been researching 😭#'oh you know...historical rpf fic...'(and not even rpf in the way youd think LMAO)#but i mentioned the war of spanish succession hehehe#idk theres something really funny about saying Charles VI bcs hes the 6th! theres been 5 other Charles 😭😭#but im like hey do you remember this guy who's only importance was to be involved in this drama and was also the father of maria#yeah thats my guy#anyways i hope he now thinks of that when he thinks of me 😭#catie.rambling.txt
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(ID in alt) I literally said I was gonna post this month's ago and then never had the wherewithal to describe it and so I didn't Lmao (said with pain). But since I'm thinking of opening my commissions I figured I should remind ppl that I. Yknow. Can draw.
Lots of Steph here (I had major art block making all of these and my brain worms for her kept me going) + some sprinkles of stephcass for Cass nation to enjoy!
#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#jason todd#(yes for the teddy bear. it counts)#batgirl#batgirls#mine#< keep forgetting to tag my art as that I'm terrible 😭#ANYHOW I'm slowly getting back into drawing again after my last ipad got nuked (cant think abt that or ill cry) and i finished uni#oh yeah j finished my first year of uni btw. i went to an Olivia Rodrigo concert like a week or 2 ago. I've been busy lol#but yeah it's looking like I've got a fun summer of bottom feeding ahead of me now that I've officially been told i got passed over for that#-comic job i applied for. lol. lmao even#it's fine honestly it was a pretty daunting prospect i just have to find a way to fill the time by myself now#I've plenty of comics to read so that's nice. got wayyy into mark waids DD run recently (mostly for Chris Samnee's art)#so that's been fun! i have my empowered omnibus (embarrassing and kept under my bed <3) i have TT year 1 i have huntress and WW#uhhh i got flash 1 minute war. lots of good stuff!#so hopefully i don't go. completely feral from lack of stimulation#also hopefully commissions will be a thing i can do#godddd there's many mkre things i want to draw. i got too enamoured w my own bad theory and now I've drawn tim!bats#but unfortunately now i only want to draw tim!bats being laughed at my the batfamily bc seriously tim?? really??#< it's literally probably not going to happen but I've invested myself in this terrible future for some reason#imagine damian trying to robin for tim!bats for 1 (one) night and the next morning he doesn't say anything he just moves to bludhaven#he can't take this shit#oh so many ideas...#ANYWAY. ues. finally art. now if you like it. consider commissioning me (in 2 to 3 business weeks <3)#(no pressure)
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And some days, I just wish you wouldn't look at me at all.
#ffxiv#sketch#wol#meteor survivor#zenos yae galvus#adventurer zenos#oh no#its the consequences of his actions#everything is fine until the only man on the star you care about looks at you with the same contempt your father did#(Meteor's not doing it intentionally- its a reflex after he comes back for quite a bit)#and zenos is getting bodied because its been a while since... you know... him being able to really feel anything at all#and no- its not him regretting anything that had to do with varis- just him regretting the thought meteor could look at him like that#little does Meteor know he's emotionally bodying the man he's trying to be cordial with#its a little okay because in how I write adventurer zenos this serves as one of his main wake-up calls to make some changes#and realizing both the mistakes he's made with meteor and that meteor hating him in any way is actually -not at all- what he wants#but not okay on the end that every time meteor does this he has to watch zenos actively dissociate right in front of him#until zenos just kinda autopilots and walks away#the second time (or perhaps third) in the last 11 years that zenos has felt regret to any major capacity-#on meteor's end I just enjoy seeing the progression of the WoL through subtext#and why meteor is willing to even entertain the idea despite how much he hates zenos- his decisions and the path he's walked#is the realization that there is high chance that he could actually be a direct catalyst for zenos' growth#and the realization the wol has that they were the only one zenos has ever genuinely reached out to#besides- i just like the idea of having your equal other half fighting back to back with you- or being able to handle threats you cant#and i find their dynamic neat- of meteor not forgiving zenos but giving him his last chance- and growing to enjoy being around him#and zenos being able to work on moving past being the weapon or the monster- finding the connections he's longed for#and giving himself purpose to finally truly just live- for him to learn to experience and have the freedom to find what he enjoys#(and curiously him having estinien's brand of accidently helping people even in StB gives me ideas...)#but enough tag ranting- ill get to zenos' actual adventuring in another post lol
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it's really weird to me the way people have been talking about maria lately.... like i know maria wasnt the most developed character in her earlier appearances and she also didnt get to have a normal childhood experience but seeing people say she has no personality and has no joy or whimsy or never got to be a kid at all makes me wonder if im the only person whos actually been paying attention to maria this whole time...???? like do people think she was a sad miserable kid who never got to have fun because of her disability or something ? because that is quite literally the opposite of who she was
and people are being weirdly ableist about it too like talking like her illness is the reason for all those traits she supposedly lacks. implying disabled people cant be happy or have fun or whatever. like come on man
#maria robotnik get behind me ill protect you#and regarding the disability thing i am disabled myself i was a disabled child once i am well aware of the difficulties that come with that#but you can acknowledge the struggles with being disabled and facing ableism and such#without portraying being disabled as constant misery. shoutout to shadow generations + its associated content for getting that right#anyway its especially weird that people Always say this stuff as a way of hyping up movie maria as a better portrayal#like. movie maria is missing so much of what makes game maria interesting ????? what do you mean shes better ....#and again. people are being weirdly ableist about comparing the two#''she finally gets to be a kid/have a personality now that shes not sick''#''movie maria's death is sadder because game maria was just going to die of her illness anyway'' do you not Hear yourselves.#the fact taht they didnt mention her illness at all and people are just Fine with that is bad enough#but did you really HAVE to say with your whole chest that a disabled child's life is worth less than that of a non-disabled one#even if thats not what you meant its what youre implying.#trying not to avoid talking about the movie but my god some of you make me so mad.
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It's always fun experiencing severe mental illness symptoms because of fiction, eh?
#helluva boss#Stolitz#helluva boss spoilers#helluva spoilers#I feel like I've finally managed to stabilise myself#Which is impressive. It's taken less than 24h. Thank you therapy#Last time a fandom left me emotionally in shambles (the last of us 2) it took me days to overcome the anxiety#Anyway the reason I'm talking about this is to hopefully give some visibility to the fact that this kind of thing can happen#When you struggle with mental illness#I'm not posting to vent or because I need help or anything! I'm fine!#But I do want others to know that it's okay if you're not fine because of something fictional you really care about and you're not alone#This is your reminder to think back to techniques that have helped you handle anxiety before if you're feeling shaken or on edge now#You got this!!!
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Hey so I did actually make a little primer for any of you interested in learning about hockey :) It covers the basic rules and pretty much goes in order of the bare minimum you'd need to know to understand what's going on. It does not include propaganda for convincing you to watch hockey. There's a final section I'll keep expanding on that's just personal enjoyment, and maybe I'll put propaganda there, but the actual meat focused on explaining how to watch the game is all completed and hopefully actually useful :)!
#hockey#it's very broad strokes but the beauty of hockey is like. its got minutae but really you don't need to know about that to watch a game#covered here are like. what are the different positions? why are players going back and forth instead of just forward? why did play stop?#i will think about adding to it if theres something people want added and otherwise just generally ill take questions BUT as stated in the#primer i am noooooot qualified to actually really teach anyone in depth about hockey lmao so truly!!! you may have more mileage just trying#to find an answer yourself!#that said. its genuinely a really fun game and super easy to watch. you could literally stop at the 4th slide and do fine lmao#and that's really the first slide in terms of content. truly#the rest just makes some stuff clearer#anyway CHECK OUT HOCKEY#this does not include any rpf or team propaganda though the final for fun section is probably going to eventually have just a lot of like.#fun facts. currently its just a slide that says hockey players are really fucking stupid
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i swear to god the universe is trying to prevent me from getting on anxiety meds
#I THOUGHT I HAD IT SORTED OUT THIS TIME but nooooo#last time it was bad timing to start & then i chickened out & didnt make a doctors appointment for ages#finally had another appointment and got a new prescription#it's bad timing again b/c im going on a trip but im just going to start right after i get back#talked to my doctor about this#she was like 'ok try it for six weeks and come back' & we booked a followup appointment for 6 weeks out from when ill start#and i was like 'so the prescription is for 6 weeks worth?' and she was like 'no it's 8 actually'#cool! sounds great! sounds like a plan!#i went to the pharmacy and picked it up#didnt look at it which i guess was a mistake#just looked at it now and#they gave me nine tablets.#NINE. TABLETS.#THIS IS NOT 8 WEEKS OF MEDS GUYS#WHO FUCKED UP MY PRESCRIPTION#theres no refills either!#im on half a tablet for 2 weeks so 9 tablets will last... 16 days -_-#they also charged me $23 for this which like. jesus christ#sure fine i'll pay $900 a year for mental health meds if they actually HELP but. oh my god#these did not cost $2.55 a tablet when i filled the previous prescription for the same med#i do still have that & will use it after i get a pharmacist's advice on whether it's like. still good. dont want to fuck around w/ that#but. smh#idk if they gave me the wrong amount or my doctor wrote the wrong amount#2 weeks on half + 6 weeks on full should be 49 pills#.....ah. someone dropped the 4#i hope they charged me for all 49 already lol it would be nice if this doesnt cost me another $100#personal
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GreedxLing Week Day 5: Regrets
Read here on AO3
Greed wasn’t the type of guy who had many regrets. He went for what he wanted when he wanted it, and he didn’t waste time moping over what might have been.
Oh sure, some things stuck with him, (Like blood swirling through dirty water, limbs floating by as he failed again and again to strike a single blow against the bastard who’d done that. Like blood on his own hands and a small body crumpled on the floor of the nightmarish tunnel he’d been told to guard, a face that became familiar too late stuck forever in an expression of betrayal.) but for the most part he let any regret he might feel go as he focused on his next big plan.
Even now that he was dying for good when he should have had a few more centuries of life in him, Greed didn’t have any regrets. It had been less than five minutes since he’d found out he’d been deluding himself about what he wanted for his entire existence, but he’d always been quick to adapt.
He’d found his way to what he’d truly desired regardless.
Ed was a good friend. That was why so many people cared about him. And it was obvious he cared about Greed, even if Greed never got around to telling him he felt the same way.
He hadn’t thought that Lan Fan girl liked him at all, but now she was looking up at him with hurt in her eyes, like she really cared that he was dying before they could get to know each other better. She was tough as nails, that one, and the most loyal person he’d ever met. It was a pleasant surprise that she had any positive feeling for him at all.
And, of course, there was Ling.
Ling was…everything.
Everything a guy like Greed could hope for and more.
Kind enough to want power not for himself but to help his people, and selfish enough to refuse to trade any of those people to get it. Smart and calculating, ruthless when necessary but never needlessly cruel, fucking deadly with a blade.
Not to mention perceptive enough to see through Greed’s bullshit, with all the patience needed to ease Greed into seeing through it himself. Greed probably never would have recognized that what he truly wanted was friendship–much less admitted to it–without Ling’s influence.
Ling was the best friend Greed had ever had.
Leaving him hurt. Lying to him hadn’t felt too great either.
But it was the only way to keep his father from killing Ling too, so Greed didn’t regret that either. He was far too greedy to let someone kill his best friend.
No, Greed didn’t have any regrets as he looked down, taking in the sight of his friends one last time. It really had been enough.
Ling looked away from Greed, which was a little disappointing. From his vantage point, drifting away above the battlefield, Greed could just barely hear Ling say Lan Fan’s name.
The girl nodded once, a determined look on her face, and then…threw something at Greed?
Rude! No respect for the soon-to-be dead.
Whatever it was seemed to warp in shape as it sailed through the air, its arc unerringly bringing it right between Greed’s eyes. It was bright red.
Greed realized that it must be the philosopher’s stone Lan Fan had found right before it hit him.
The untethered, floating sensation that had been carrying Greed out of this lifetime disappeared, and he felt he’d been swimming in a giant tub when the plug was pulled, carried down and down by an irresistible current.
The sky and the battlefield and his friends all disappeared, and Greed found himself once again suspended in a familiar, red-tinged void. The screaming around him was as loud as it had ever been–something you got used to and stopped hearing unless something reminded you to listen after a while–but Greed could tell that it was different than before. New voices from a new stone.
(Greed wondered if he could talk to all of these souls, get to know them like Ed’s dad had done for the ones in him, or if you needed to start that right after the stone was made so people didn’t have time to lose their sense of self.)
Something shifted again, and Greed found himself looking across the void of souls and into Ling’s face. Just like old times.
Ling didn’t struggle to find his footing this time, body and mind already accustomed to sharing this space with Greed. After barely a second to reorient himself to the new stone, Ling’s eyes locked onto Greed and he surged forward.
And punched Greed in the face.
Once again, rude! Everyone was attacking him today, and he didn’t even have his ultimate shield in here to protect himself.
“Ow! What was that for?”
“You idiot,” Ling snarled, winding back to punch Greed again.
Greed was ready this time, and projected an arm for himself to catch Ling’s hand. Ling reached to hit him with the other hand, and Greed caught that too. Ling struggled to keep swinging at Greed, but the homunculus didn’t let him go.
“Why am I an idiot? I just saved the day, ya know.” This really was not the reaction Greed was anticipating for his noble sacrifice.
“You were only thinking about yourself!”
“That’s kind of my whole deal, Ling.”
“No it isn’t,” Ling insisted. “You know it isn’t. And you lied to me! You promised we’d rule Xing together and then you left me.”
Ling was crying.
Ling was sobbing, and he’d stopped trying to pull away from Greed’s hands, clinging to them instead.
“You left me,” Ling repeated. “I was all alone. I don’t want to be alone like that again. It doesn’t matter if Lan Fan had a philosopher’s stone, I need you.”
All the regret Greed hadn’t felt as he was dying slammed into him now.
He hadn’t meant to upset Ling. He’d never wanted to make Ling cry. He’d been trying to protect him, to save him.
Regret and guilt churned uncomfortably inside of Greed.
Hesitantly he pulled Ling toward him and into a hug. Or as close to a hug as two soul projections–one human shaped and the other mostly a floating face–could have.
Ling went easily, wrapping his arms around Greed so tightly it might have been a problem if Greed needed to breathe.
“I’m sorry,” Greed murmured, the sound nearly lost to the cacophony around them. “It was the only thing I could think of to keep you safe. Father was going to kill you, too.”
“We could have fought him together,” Ling argued. “We should have fought him together.”
They really shouldn’t have–they would have both ended up dead–but Greed didn’t say that. Instead he just rubbed a hand over Ling’s back in a way he hoped was soothing.
“Please don’t leave me again.” Ling whispered.
“Never.” Greed wrapped his arms even tighter around Ling. “I’ll never leave you again if I have any choice about it. I promise.”
He hoped Ling believed him, but he couldn’t be sure how much trust he’d damaged with his one and only lie.
Ling pulled back, and Greed reluctantly let him go.
He didn’t go far, just putting enough space between them to look into Greed’s face.
Before leaning right back in and kissing Greed.
Greed’s mind screeched to halt. This wasn’t something he’d ever expected, and only partly because in this form Greed didn’t have what would traditionally be considered a human mouth.
Ling was amazing. Ling was perfect, really, and he was a prince. He could have anyone in the world, so why the hell was he wasting his time kissing Greed?
Ling pulled back when Greed didn’t respond, too stunned to kiss back. The prince looked embarrassed and a little afraid.
“I’m sorry,” Ling rushed to say. “I should have asked first, or–or not done that at all. I was just–I was so scared when you were gone, and then I was so relieved to have you back, but that’s no excuse. Please forgive me, we can forget that this ever–”
Well, that just wouldn’t do.
Greed took Ling’s face in both his hands and pulled him in for another kiss.
It was better than Greed had ever imagined, and not just because he’d never let himself imagine it. He’d wanted it, of course. Ling was his person, the one he could admit–at least to himself–that he cared about as more than a possession even before he’d realized that he wanted that with the others too. Ling knew Greed better than Greed knew himself, and that went both ways. Of course he wanted Ling to be his in every way.
But people had to want to belong to him, or there wasn’t any point to it. And Greed still wasn’t sure what Ling saw in him.
He definitely saw something. He pulled Greed impossible closer and deepened the kiss.Greed was a bit worried at first about his own sharp teeth, but judging from Ling’s enthusiasm, that wasn’t even a problem.
Eventually they pulled apart again, and this time Ling grinned at Greed.
“Does this mean you still want to come rule Xing with me?”
Greed laughed and tucked a bit of hair behind Ling’s ear as he answered. “Yeah, of course I’ll rule Xing with you. You don’t even have to ask.”
It was no King of the World, but Greed had never truly wanted that anyway. He would gladly rule a country with Ling. He would gladly rule just one clan with Ling.
Greed would happily move to a farm and rule nothing but a bunch of chickens if Ling asked him to.
He knew the hurt was still there from his lie, from his near death. He could feel it in the way Ling clung to him, afraid he’d disappear if he let go for a moment.
Greed would spend the rest of their lives making that up to him. And with the brand new philosopher’s stone within them, he would have plenty of time to do it.
#greedxlingweek2024#greed fma#ling yao#greedling#these last two have been real sadboy hours huh#but don't worry#everything will be fine#like i said yesterday im a bitch who needs a happy ending#just a heads up i wont be posting tomorrow#it's my birthday!#and ill be doing birthday things#but ill have one for day 7#might be a bit late but ill do it#im having too much fun writing all of these!#just looked at the word count on ao3 and its under 2 thousand?#that's the shortest thing ive ever written where i still felt like i actually said everything i needed to say#maybe writing a prompt fill every day is what will finally let me get my yapping addiction under control#fma
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"Arrogant, ruthless, and by all reports (including his own) utterly charming."
(I don't know why I drew this but please take Revolutionary War British officer George, I think it suits him, okay!!!)
+ George Russell the type of guy to t-pose in front of rebels
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+ the usual
Okay first of all, process, as always:
I drew this in one day hahaha....Actually really fun! I haven't finished anything in almost a month, and haven't painted for even longer, so I'm kinda dying at the fact that 18th century George Russell got me motivated 😭 Sometimes when painting, I realize I have free will and can actually just start painting over the lineart, and that's the best moment of every drawing process 🙏
Also I'm very proud of his face!!! I've said before, but art progression is such a weird thing. You'll keep repeating to your self "I'm no good at [insert art thing.]" And then randomly realized you can in fact do it. That's me with drawing real people's faces 😭 I'm just so shocked I got his face pretty good in one try!!!
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Okay about the pose and quote. God its so fun to misappropriate quotes for my own evil deeds. Both of these are from this one officer from the Revolution: Banastre Tarleton. Idk, I randomly saw his painting in a history video, and it's stuck in my mind ever since. And then yesterday, bcs I spent a lot of time looking at George, I'm like "hey you know what he kinda reminds me of-" and thus we have this.
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I just found that quote about him from some historian to be funny, so I put it as a caption, as I would with Napoleon. This won't be an AU by any means but. I think if George was in the Revolution, he'd be the most stereotypical, evil British villain in American media type guy ever. And Tarleton is kinda that guy tbh, to the point where him and others like Arnold Benedict are the poster boys of evil Revolution guys. He even has a mocking nickname! "Bloody Tarleton/Ban", very "Osama bin Russell," no? 😭
Some notable moments from Tarleton's campaign that I think fit George: Apparently killed a bunch of American soldiers after they surrendered, making sure everyone was dead(😭😭), threatened to burn an American general's house down to make him surrender and then took him hostage, went toe to toe with George Washington himself and Washington even taunted him and Tarleton got a shot in, has a helmet named after him(very slayful.)
#me rushing to finish this before the race as if its in any way relevant HDJFKGLVLV#please take my historical art ty <3#i just always draw these out of left field things as some sort of blood sacrifice idk#but wow hey!!! a drawing of someone that isnt the same 4 drivers i always draw sjfkkg#atp i should consider doing requests- sure bud.#i was gonna leave who this is referenced off a secret#and be like. whoever knows which painting this is referenced off of ill draw you smth!!!#but i like the lore too much....#i cant resist writing up niche historical stuff its like an addiction#gah george has really crept up on me and this is the final straw djfkkg#as suzuki said to me 'as soon as you make 18th century comparisons. its so over'#VERY TRUE YES.#anyways take comically evil slayful british officer boy George#i hope this isnt way too niche 😭😭 but i know it is already deep in my heart#f1#formula 1#george russell#gr63#f1 art#f1 fanart#formula 1 fanart#catie.art.#also idk how to feel abt drawing smth so british 😭 ...i feel dirty...i feel blemished JDKFKGKGLB#unfortunately i dont think i could draw any drivers as american revolution war heroes 😔#so my only food is comically evil brits. its fine. its ironic.#teh flag is like. the way George is concerned abt the British crown irl okay. 😭
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still thinking of my fave marvel rivals interaction where my jeff and i were hanging on the point after knocking out the other team and lil bro sprays the space in front of me and emotes and we both said thank you at the same time like i fear im never forgetting that ever
#marvel rivals#snap chats#i made the strangest delighted sound afterwards dare i say it was wholesome 😭almost cried sorry im a big baby#of course afterwards we had to go back to Murder but still ... ill never forget you my finny friend....#havent had an exp like that since .... i hope to tho ...#closest i got is sometimes my wanda will look me up and down- maybe strafe a lil but thats about it#wait no you know what my fave thing is .. i do love Lowkey babying wandas on my team vaeJLKVJAELKJ i am not sorry#LIKE AS A TANK OF COURSE i try to prioritize the main team but if everyones fine ill usually hover around her#i keep an especial eye on her ok listen she gives me big energy sword i give her magnet shields its MUTUALISM#anyway i wanted to draw the jeff story out but i keep getting swamped with stuff so. alas. youll just have to imagine#if it helps jeff was wearin the dolphin costume and yeah i threw up from cuteness. esp with the lil beach ball ....#Big Ass Scary Magneto and lil baby jeff simultaneous Thank You ... its the little things i fear ...#a part of it helps that magneto can just sound so Polite with these voice lines LMAO#like his 'Hello' tickles me it's so Hello There :) .. like a distinguished gentleman ... like a grandpa who SOMETIMES gives you a casserole#thats his whole vibe tbh i wanted to make a post bout it- how mags def has Father/Grandfather To All energy and i love it#hes not even the oldest in the roster far from it.. lol.. visually he looks the oldest#if i may quote him tho .. Save Perhaps Thor ... He May Be His Equal in that regard AJELKVJAEKLJ BUT ANYWAY#im off to work on a thing#i should have it done tomorrow and i can finally share it (among other joys) with everyone :]
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can someone nice (!!) please please please adopt me im begging you im requesting you (huge word vomit and vent in tags, pls dont read if u dont want to!! and if you don't want this stuff on this blog PLS lmk!! i dont wanna make anyone uncomfy! )
#tw vent#yes ik i have a vent blog#but idk why i dont wanna go there#ill prolly delete this in a while + if i vent here (which ill try not to) ill always tag it#but if any of yall aren't fine with it pls do lmk!!! ill stop <3#Anyways.#fucking hell i hate this.#dude#i very specifically told them to hurry the fuck up THEY were the ones making us late#i have told them a hundred times the minimum time i jeed to get ready#i told them this morning too that you guys make us late then put it all on me#nad she went like oh no dear dont worry that wont happen#WELL GUESS WHAT BITCH#and like the lecture and huge ass scolding and then cold shouldet ive been getting from BOTH of them before i left for coachinh#im just tired atp#idk its not even that big a deal this happens everyday#i dont know how to feel#idk if im even rly feeling anything atp#its just that i really fucking hate being here#I wanna get the fuck out#but thing is this makes me feel kinda guilty occasionally#for eg a few days ago i was rly sick and she took care of me kinda#and then that made me feel bad for hating her#but then things like this happen and i cant help it and i feel so conflicted#i dont want to stay here i know that for sure but i feel guilty for it#if i speak im being rude and backtalking#if i dont speak im being rude and ignoring#the fuck am i supposed to do????#she always tells me to 'stay silent and just hear it'#and when i do that she keeps shouting again and again and finally i say smth bc although its extremely fucking dumb of me to open my mouth
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i’m sorry about the people pressuring you to answer asks :( get to them at your own time and please don’t push yourself! love you lots <3 mwah mwah mwah mwah 🐑
it’s okay lambnon!!!! 🫂🫂 thank you for always being so sweet and patient, ik a lot of your asks have been rotting too ….. i just really don’t want tumblr to feel like a job to me bc that would probably just make me leave :’))) and i don’t want that…. ty for taking the time to send me this, i love you sm too 🥹
#kissing you hugging you#i really wish i could answer asks as well as i used to but atp that isn’t really . possible#:’))))#and i really do feel awful about that so i don’t get what anon was trying to accomplish#hhhhh#i guess ive just been stressed lately and that was like the final push#ill be fine though 🫂 just need some time to myself for a while#thank you for being as sweet as you are :(((#ask tag ✩#🐑 anon !! ✩
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ahhhhhhh
#moss.french#Tomorrow I have to Uber (hate) to the lab for bloodwork (neutral) and to pick up my injection (scary)#and then I have to Uber back (hate) and I can't even stop somewhere for treat because injection is keep cold (hate)#and THEN I'll just spend all day in anxious anticipation of doing injection (scary remember?)#It went fine when I did it last time but I was guided and hyped up by the sweetest nurse on earth#this time it's just me - and although my husband will be there for moral support sometimes it makes the anxiety worse?#To be watched doing the injection? Because then it's not just My anxiety it's his too#Idk it's.#I wish there was a hack for injections#I genuinely think this is maybe easier than the prefilled pens from before because I can aim better#And it's “softer” in the way you inject. No longer literally stabbing myself like I used to#But I have Never liked doing injections '#I think genuinely the most anxiety inducing part of it all is that the medication is 10k a dose and if I fuck it up I can't just like m#Pick up another same day#(thankfully I “only” pay 1.5k for it and there's a savings program etc)#But the sheer price and rarity of the resource makes me very uneasy#there's also the possibility that the medication also Isn't working on me which I guess the bloodwork and upcoming biopsy will solidify#I do have an impressive record of failing most options for my illness ahaaaaaahhhh this was supposed to be the final boss fml#OK no despairing all is lot lost. Maybe it's working and it's just impeded by a viral infection#fuck it we ball (said shakingly)#moss vs body
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Okay, everything's good, I can release the full cut of this, thanks again @ayceeofspades <3
#so glad lando's okay!! now i can peacefully shitpost :)#way prouder of this version!! the finality at the end is realllyyyy funny yo me#and i think the music matches up way too well w the lando section#like the way it ramps up right when his csr flies is so funny 😭😭#i domt want to make light of a crash so please dont call me insensitive but i think its fine to joke now thats officially okay :]#mayne ill post this on tiktok idk. i think cofi c and my brother gave me too much og an ego tonight SKFLLVL#i think its fine to be proud of your work but maybe im a bit too proud LOL#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#carlos sainz#lando norris#2023 las vegas gp#2023 las vegas grand prix#we do a little bit of f1
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Been crying regularly since June last year but these last couple of weeks damn, specially this one that just ended.
I dont think I've ever cried so much in my life
#not even when i was fresh out of whatever the fuck that was with that guy#and this time is like a lot of things crashing out#its a lot of stress response too imo#but still like obvioisly a big part of it is still my season#i guess im grieving like normal ppl grieve their parents/spouses/kids#but im grieving a dog so ofc it looks like too much for a lot of ppl#but im a bit of a psycho so my feelings for ppl arent like that#but that dog was almost my whole life especially during the pandemic when he started to get sick#and just before i was able to secure a bigger income to look after him he dies#and the fact that he waited for me to pick him up and waited for me i. the morning after i had gone exercise#i loved him so much and he loved me so much and im so certain ill never have a love like that in my life again#and a part of me just cant wait to reunite with him again truly also bcos world is ending literally#so the future is this thing i do out of obligation/need/social duty but its not something i believe in at all#and then my other dog and my head fucking with me in health related issues/anxieties#so i wouldnt be feeling all sensitive over this issue with thos guy (clearly this is too much emotional baggage hes up for fun times)#and seems to be having fun elsewhere which sure and again if his missus is fine who am i to feel like that#idk i feel like im putting more emotions into it than i should and its making me feel bad/stupid#sprinkle what would be completely irrelevant and whatever if it wasnt for my current stew of emotions and yeah#i feel stupid bad and pathetic#lmao at autocrrect for season i meant my son#the fact that mohini is all abt opening the hips is helping to this too i guess#i started bawling my eyes out at 8:45am at the fucning bus stop#and it all started with the rtp guy not stopping when i was running late which sure id had been mad abt and talk shit abt the guy#but this time i started crying so hatd and ????#feeling very tempted to do what mo ameer did in his comedy show abt going to church for confession#cheaper than therapy and honestly i just need to talk to someone and let this all out#should i go to therapy? duh we all do genius but i have no interest in sparing money for that atm#also matching with a therapy would take multiple tries and not willing to spend 4 times over 1000 pesos for that#that money has to go to other places that are actually more important#and god willing I'll finally be able to start doing it at the end of this month or beginning of the next
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behold.
I've still got a lot of work to do on this drawing (obviously) but it's late and I wanted to post some of my high effort art (plus I've never officially called my wips "works in progress" yk so big step towards like. Idk accepting imperfection or smth)
@randosfandos
#my art#digital art#snowbird#seraph kaishurr#sera kaishurr#art wip#once again. the colours were better on my drawing tablet :/#these are just my base colours and things i havent got the background and the shading is really basic#its a little off centre too so ill have to fix that#i like the shading technique i used here though i might use that in the final too#the whole thing is too bright i think might be a big issue#tagging randos because theyd probably enjoy this?#one of the reasons my computer hated existing around this is because of the resolution. its about uhhh 10000 by 7000 pixels.#i dont have enough fine detail for the definition. i should be able to see her soul in the reflection of her scleras.#i could do a lot with a higher resolution but it already crashed krita twice so#hmm the background is more like a halo than anything else. i think i remove that top outer pair of eyes and put the lighting behind her head#yeah yeah it should look great#anyway give it up for seraph!! yea!!#i willl be drawing her with her wings and face cracking to pieces after i finish this one!!
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