#but i feel awful

[writermask-0807]

bakugo katsuki x reader {“a taste of this bitter fruit.”}

A/N: first of all, the title is shitty. again. Yaaay!! Second of all, it's cruel of me, ik, but bakugo and angst are just made for each other. Spare me the pitchforks pls-

Warnings: swearing, angst with no happy ending, a little bit toxic?? Also the reader has no trust in him. As in they think he gonna hit them-

Edit: I edited some shit. Hope you don't mind.

KATSUKI loves you.

He knows he’s a mean guy- unnecessarily so, gruff and bitter and cruel, arrogant and angry and rough around the edges- all dark scowls and bared teeth and explosive fury.

It’s who he is- who he will always be no matter how much the years mellow out some of that cruelty, who he will always be no matter how much your warmth chips away at his ice. He’ll always be a bitter fruit, poisoned and rotten to the core, sour at first bite, and he knows it’s not easy for the others because sometimes his words cut a little too deep; sometimes he says the wrong thing at the wrong time; sometimes he’s too cruel and oftentimes never kind enough.

Katsuki knows it’s not easy to stay with him, stand with him, let alone love him- not when he won’t let you close enough- but you do, and he loves you for it.

He loves you, and he doesn’t think he can ever stop; not when you look at him like that- eyes bright and loving and filled with reverent adoration, like you think he’s actually worth enough to be loved, despite all that he’s done, like you think he’s actually, really good.

He doesn’t think he can ever stop; not when you put up with his shit with that same unaffected, stupidly soft smile, not when you see past his cold sneer and to the boy scarred beneath, not when you smile at him like that, all sunshine-bright and gentle- not when it makes your mouth curve and your dimples show and your eyes crease at the corners like half-moons, not when his heart lurches at the sight.

He doesn’t think he can ever stop; not when you’re so fucking kind- that same thoughtless kindness that had made you comfort him, in the middle of the night, when he’d been trembling and red-eyed and haunted by nightmares, that same kindness that had been offered to him on so many occasions despite the harsh words that he doesn’t really mean, that same kindness he’s always taken for granted.

Katsuki loves you- for every little thing that makes you you, and despite the fact that his love is twisted and hard and sometimes subtle enough that you don’t see, he tries, and for a while that has been enough.

It had been enough when he’d shoved you off of him, none too gently, strangely annoyed by your affection. It had been enough when you smiled tightly at him- maybe even a little bit tearily but that was probably a trick of the light, or so he’d thought- when his voice had risen and so had his explosive temper, always lurking like a slow-acting poison crawling under his skin. It had been enough when he’d noticed you growing distant and cold, because of course you weren’t leaving, right?

Katsuki loves you, except-

Except he doesn’t think that you do. Not anymore.

It would have been so easy to think that you hadn’t loved him in the first place, that this was all an elaborate act, but that thought’s just petty and bitter and unfair because he’s a coward at heart, because that brings the anger and anger is familiar, anger is home, and anger hurts less.

It would have been so easy to fool himself like that, except Katsuki knows that this is reality, ugly and painful in all of its sharp clarity.

He knows that it’s reality because you possibly can’t fake that pained expression; the wobbling lip and those eyes- pretty even now, damn you- filling up with unshed tears, the trembling arms you wrap protectively around yourself like you think he’s going to lash out at any second, and fuck, that hurts-

Do you… do you think he’s actually going to hit you? Have you no trust in him, at all? Has all of this been a fucking lie?

“I’m sorry, Katsuki. But-” your voice breaks, a single tear breaking free and dripping down your cheek and it feels like a knife to his heart because as cruel as he is, Katsuki can’t stand seeing you cry.

“But I can’t- I can’t do this anymore. I f-feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time, and I can’t tell when you’re going to snap and it hurts and it’s scary. I- I’m sorry.”

You sniffle, voice catching, and you keep your eyes trained on the floor as though you can’t bear to meet his gaze, and he wants to scream- he wants to beg, to tell you to stay, to not leave him because he’s nothing without you, because you’ve stolen his heart, his love, his everything. Because you are his everything.

Except, nothing comes out. When his lips part, it feels like someone’s shoved broken shards of glass down his throat- he can’t speak, only tremble and fight back the tears that are building in his eyes, threatening to keel him over, and there’s a knot in his chest that he can’t breathe around, something hot and nauseating clinging like ash to his throat, self-loathing choking him to his core.

Cold silence mushrooms in the infinity space he’s created between the both of you- close enough to touch and yet so far out of reach. You’re already drifting away and there’s nothing Katsuki can do to stop it.

The love of his life is leaving, and he doesn’t have anyone else to blame but himself. Pathetic, really- the way his stupid pride won’t let him fix things, even now, even when he can see the way your hopeful gaze darts back to him.

When the silence continues to swell, suffocating and tense, your eyes shadow over dejectedly, and Katsuki knows you’ve made your decision.

He can’t say anything as you draw a shaky breath, as though trying to steel yourself, and when you make your way towards the door, he can only look, hands clenching into fists at his sides because he knows he can’t do anything. Not anymore, not when he’s finally run out of chances.

It’s only when your foot crosses the threshold that Katsuki finally finds his voice- pulls it out with all the willpower of a man dying- and when he speaks, it’s hoarse like he’s been screaming himself raw. “I’m sorry.”

And he is. He’s sorry for everything he’s put you through, sorry for the way he made promises he couldn’t keep, sorry because he started something he knew he could never finish. He’s sorry sorry sorry, but he doesn’t think that it’s ever going to be enough.

You pause, stilling in your movements, and for a split second, hope wrenches in his chest, cruel and ugly and so fucking desperate. But when you turn back, there is only resignation in your tired, watery smile, as you tell him, gently, even now. “I’m sorry too, Katsuki. But we both know that it won’t ever be enough.”

And with that, you turn, and you leave, leaving his chest hollow of the heart he kept for you, and it’s only when you’re gone that he drops to his knees and sobs.

FIN-

[ssahotchnerr]

the way i genuinely feel horrible when a week goes by and i don’t post a fic

[lunarfey]

my endo wants me to start doing my shots every 12 weeks again bc i guess my t levels were getting too high ?? so i've just been sweating and tired for the last two weeks bc i normally do them every 10 😩

[kurokoros]

The last two days have actually been awful because I’ve just been bursting into tears at random

[peaches-and-honey-and-the-moon]

im suddenly a cat owner again, i love my little girl. But i also am currently eating a bag of lime and jalapeno chips and baby girl got some on her nose and nearly immediately threw up and i feel awful

[boyapologist]

uuuuuuuugh I'm in agony

[imaginaryfigs]

Just threw up so much

[refugeed-kim]

YES YES I NEED THIS SIGN IN EVERY SINGLE PARK PLEASE

This is my daily struggle, I had so many arguments with people with off-leash dogs (in a mandatory leash area!!!). Thanks to this behavior I'm struggling with Kim being anxious/aggressive with other females as she often gets involved in unpleased interactions with free females while on leash. And every single time that I ask for the dog to be at least recalled, I'm being called names and insulted of course.

Also 9 out of 10 their dog isn't really that friendly at all.

[noodles-and-tea]

How the gentle wind,

Beckons through the trees,

As autumn colours fall.

[imjustlaughingalong]

I feel ill

[lesboevils]

im tired of crying my eyes out because there's no fucking hope.

[toscrollperchancetomeme]

“I got upset about 20 years ago because I thought it would block me,’ she says. ‘However, it’s been very easy to avoid reading any, so live and let live. If I were a young writer, I’d want to own my own ideas. But maybe fan fiction is a transitional phase: whatever gets you there, gets you there.“

x

[pencilmint]

Sunset in Shinjuku

[chloesimaginationthings]

Michael and Vanny had wild teen years in FNAF

[eeternalferret]

I hate when people get on your back about a ship because it's 'toxic' like bro i said they are in love not that they should be.

[dappy-dappernette]

I keep on hearing people go all "The voice of the Smitten is such a creep. All he wants in the princess is someone to control and keep as a pretty object. He'd drop the princess if she wasn't the perfect petite maiden like in the damsel route." and I will not stand for the Smitten slander.

Like- He's been in love with her as a burning corpse ghost lady:

A terrifying ghost woman who wants to bring fear and chaos to the world:

And even a murderous blade monster woman who would kill you and enjoy every second of it:

Like, he ALWAYS loves the princess no matter what she looks like or how she acts, he loves her for being herself no matter what or who she is. That's the point of his character and I'm tired of people slandering my boy.