#but i dont think it would have helped this time

[mr-gay-sex-man]

lore drop in the tags ^ (imagine that but pointing down)

it's so weird to me that everyone on this website is a human person outside of their weird internet niche so rb this with a random bit of your lore

[illbegottenfaith]

kiss me better, love

as the two of you stumble into bed after a Valentine's dinner date, theo realises it's not fair how much he loves you (theo nott x reader)

a/n - valentines fic #2 !!!! thought of this idea in a class literally 5 hours ago and idk if its the sleep deprivation but this is sooo self-indulgent writing this had me giggling and kicking my feet frfr 😭 all I have to say is if this isnt me and my future partner I dont want him I send him BACK

tropes/warnings - physical touch as a love language, angry theo but also soft theo 🥰🥰 no (read: minimal) proof reading we die like men etc etc

word count - 1.5k

taglist - @hzdhrtss @justaproudperson @ebriton @thaliashifts @friedfreyfries @allie-sturns

The door shuts behind you both, plunging the room into near-darkness. You barely take a step before bumping into Theo, your knee knocking against his thigh, your hands flying to his shoulders as you stumble.

"Merlin,” he mutters, steadying you with a grip at your waist. “Can you - ”

“You're the one barging into me,” you shoot back, tucking a lock behind your ear as you tighten your grip on Theo’s shoulder, making him wince.

“Anyway, like I was saying, it hasn’t even been a week since Missy - ”

Theo exhales sharply, blindly reaching for the zipper at your back. “Is this something I really need to be hearing right now?” he asks somewhat waspishly.

“Yes.” You barely register his tone, still preoccupied. “So I walk into Charms in Tuesday, expecting to find Josh understandably distraught and/or in mourning. But who do I see him chatting up instead?"

"Hair."

You gather your hair up in one hand to hold it up and go right on talking. You barely notice Theo's largely ineffective attempts at pushing your sleeves off your shoulders.

"Pansy Parkinson! Pansy flipping Parkinson. What, does he think he's a free man now or something? Melissa's halfway across the world, she's not dead."

"Mhm."

You sigh exaggeratedly at his lackluster responses.

“Well? Don't you have to anything to add?"

“Yeah - hold still.” You This is just ridiculous, Theo was thinking. What kind of dress needed buttons and a zip?

You huff, switching your hair to your other hand. “Honestly, Theo, have you listened to a single thing I’ve been saying the past hour?”

Theo groans, still fumbling at your lower back. He had figured out the buttons were decorative, bless him, but your dress was on the more delicate side, and if he ripped it, he'd never hear the end of it. “Uh, yeah, that Abernathy guy...he’s two-timing Melissa?"

“He is not,” you say, peering over your shoulder to see what was taking Theo so long. Seriously, what was going on back there? It doesn't help, though, not when you can barely make him out in the dark. “not yet at least. He might. And if he's going to, well, isn't it better she finds out now rather than ten years down the road? Or am I an awful friend for thinking that?"

"Thinking what?" Theo asks distractedly.

"Willing my best friend's boyfriend into cheating on her."

Before he can formulate a response, your stubborn zipper finally decides to cooperate and moves down an inch - snagging at his finger. A sharp hiss cuts through the dark, followed by some emphatic, muttered swearing.

You pause.

“…what was that?”

Theo slips his injured finger out of his mouth briefly, his voice strained as he struggles to keep the pain out of his tone. “Nothing.”

You shift slightly, trying to catch his expression in the dark, but he’s suspiciously still now, his hands nowhere on you anymore.

“Theo.”

“I’m fine.”

Your brow furrows. Then, his suddenly subdued demeanour and oddly neutral tone clicks in your head.

"Did you hurt yourself?"

There’s an immediate rustle, followed by Theo’s very delayed attempt at nonchalance.

“…no.”

Oh, you could throttle him. “Was it the zip again?”

“You keep saying that like I do it intentionally - I never mean to-”

“And now you're trying to suck the pain away like a child?”

“Would you rather I bleed all over your dress?”

“I’d rather you watch what you’re doing so you don’t get maimed by a bloody zip in the first place!”

Theo exhales sharply, his frustration palpable. “I keep telling you - I don't-”

“You never mean to, but here we are.” You cross your arms. “Third time in two weeks, Theo. This is getting ridiculous. Should I hire a nurse for our dates? A medic? Do you need to start taking my clothes off under medical supervision? Is that what we've come to?"

Theo glares at you (or the shadowy figure he was mostly sure was you), trying to pull his attention away from the stinging pain. “Oh, don’t start - ”

“You don’t think before you do things.”

Theo groans. “I think plenty.”

“No, you rush plenty. Really, it’s a miracle you still have all your limbs -”

He rolls his eyes. “Oh, here we go.”

“First, you burn yourself on my curling iron -”

“Okay, one, you shouldn't be leaving your things out like that.”

“Then you cut yourself opening a tin of biscuits -”

Theo tips his head back in exasperation. “You sh - you literally shoved it at me!”

“ - and now my zipper is out to get you?” You throw your hands up. “What are you telling me, Teddy? That every item I own has a personal vendetta against you?”

"Mattheo agrees with me, you know," you continue smugly, in a so-there kind of tone. "He told me about that time you nearly broke your neck falling down that flight of stairs on the way to Transfiguration, which wouldn't have happened if you weren't - "

"Rushing, I know." Theo steps back as if to escape. “Merlin, you are insufferable - ”

“And you are reckless.”

“I don't need you to lecture me.”

“You’d be fine if you just listened to m - show me your finger.”

A brief struggle ensues.

You lunge; he sidesteps. You fumble blindly for his hand; he twists out of reach.

“For fuck’s sake -”

“Stop being so difficult.”

“I’m not being difficult, you’re being a menace.”

“At least I don't get mauled by zippers.”

“I'm telling you, that zipper has it out for me."

“Well, maybe if you weren’t always in such a bloody rus - ”

“Enough with the rushing!”

“I can't help it if you never learn - ”

“I do learn,” he snaps, stepping back further - only for you to grab onto his wrist and pull.

There’s a shuffle, a scuffle as Theo stumbles back into the dresser with a thud.

“Oi - ”

“Oh, stop squirming, you big baby.”

“You stop grabbing- ”

“Theodore, you are injured. Act like it.”

“I am n- ”

“Then give me your hand.”

A long, heavy pause. Then -

“No.”

You groan, exasperated. “Merlin, you are the most - ”

“And you are relentless - ”

But at last, in an impressive show of determination, you manage to latch onto his wrist, wrenching his hand towards you before he can twist away again. Theo groans in frustration, but you’ve already found the wound—his fingertip, warm and damp against yours.

“Oh, for - ” You tighten your grip as he tries to pull away. “You are bleeding!”

Theo tenses, his entire body bristling. “It’s nothing.”

“On my zipper,” you say incredulously. “Again.”

He exhales sharply as if this is somehow your fault. “You don’t need to make a whole production of it - ”

“I told you to be careful - ”

“And I was - ”

“Clearly not enough!”

Theo groans, tipping his head back against the dresser. “I’m buying you a tear-away dress next Valentine’s.”

You bite back a smirk. “I’d like to see you figure that one out.”

He mutters something under his breath that you don’t quite catch, but you’re already bringing his hand up, brushing your lips over the wound.

He stills.

The fight, the irritation, the tension - all of it dissolves instantly under your touch.

You press another kiss there, softer this time. Through a sliver of moonlight cutting through the curtains, he sees your face - your impish expression, your eyes, alight with amusement and plain adoration. You watch his face too - his furrowed brows relaxing, the slight part of his lips, his sharp features softened by something indiscernible.

His eyes flick to yours.

And Merlin, it’s not fair, he thinks. It’s not fair how you can drive him to the brink of insanity one second and then look at him like that the next, like you could never get your fill. It's enough to make him think you're worth all the trouble you put him through. It's enough to make him want to slow down. Merlin knows the last thing he wants is to rush through his days with you.

“…better?” you murmur against his skin after a moment.

Theo exhales, rolling his eyes as though he isn’t already relenting. "It's a start," he says grudgingly.

Your smile widens as you bring his hand up again, pressing another kiss there, then another, then another.

Theo groans, tipping his head back again, his frustration dwindling with every sympathetic brush of your lips.

“You like this,” you tease.

“Shut up,” he mumbles, but his voice has softened, his body relaxing into yours.

You grin, pressing a kiss to his wrist. Then his palm.

Theo groans again, for reasons unrelated to his earlier irritation, his fingers curling at your waist.

You laugh softly. “Want me to kiss you better everywhere?”

Theo smiles weakly, pulling you closer. “That's the best idea you've had all night."

[snaxle]

I WILL BE OPENING EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS WITHIN THE WEEK

i know majority of the people following me do not follow me for art purposes and so im probably speaking to a brick wall, but if anyone has seen my posts regarding my financial problems and my tablet breaking the other day, i need money.

tldr, the state just took away nearly $1000 worth of income my family makes per month, which is the money we used to pay our rent. more in depth information below the cut

the state just kicked my brother off of SSI, and now we are out of $900 a month (another brother was ALSO kicked off of SSI a few months earlier as well, and as such for the past year my family has been struggling. at the time this wasnt bad enough prior that i felt the need to talk about it, so i never mentioned it). this $900 helped pay for the rent on our house, and without it we are going to be absolutely screwed. not only that, my brothers are all getting kicked off their insurance within the next two months and will probably not be able to get their medication anymore nor go to their monthly doctors appointments anymore because my mom will not be able to afford it (the reason for their medication is not super serious whatsoever, but will affect them badly in the long run if they arent able to take it.) my mom is going to be trying to find a job asap, but she is also disabled and for months now she has been putting in job application after application with no luck whatsoever.

we get no food stamps because the state sees that i live at home and assume that i make enough to afford food for everyone in my house, and the local food pantry quite frankly sucks and often gives out of date food with bugs in it, so we only go for emergencies.

I NEED TO BE ABLE TO SAVE MONEY IN ORDER TO GET MY DRIVERS LICENSE AND GET A CAR. this is a priority. i cannot get anywhere where i live without a vehicle, and my mom has to drive me around. once i get a car, i will be trying to get a second job so i can drive myself, and will then be working on trying to move out in hopes that if i leave my mom is able to get her income back. i CANNOT move out right now, due to the fact that i dont make enough money to afford my own place and i also walk to work everyday. these will not be happening anytime soon unfortunately, but most of the money i save per month was going towards being able to afford a car and a cheap apartment in the near future.

if you saw my post the other day regarding my tablet breaking and me wanting to purchase another one, i will not be buying a new one unless absolutely necessary. my current tablet works enough duct taped up for now. if i make any money from commissions, i will be putting it towards at the very least affording to pay for all my animals necessities, so i can focus on using all the money i make for my family. if you are aware of my ongoing medical problems, i will not be seeking out medical attention for my heart problem for the time being, considering the fact that i do not have insurance and i think any money i would pay for appointments would be better spent elsewhere. i would rather my family can keep a roof over their heads.

i will share the prices i think will be good in a bit, and i am really sorry if theyre expensive. if you read all this, thank you from the bottom of my heart. i will get them set up as soon as i can.

[hakugreenfinch]

so its late and i shouldnt be writing analysis again but i really love this scene and i want to go off about it so here we are

i really do think this is a breaking point for the crew but especially curly. "i would do anything to help you" being met with "im pregnant". "anything" is such a brave sounding hyperbole, and one that we all use all the time. its an idea, an expression of dedication to something or someone except here its met with disappointment and despair and disillusion because at the end of the day a good sounding idea doesnt change cold hard facts. the want to help vs the realization that its so so late now and what you wanted to help is way beyond saving.

on one hand, ive shitposted about how "curly is the mouthwash" but i actually do mean that. mouthwash is supposed to be a trustworthy hygiene product but dragonbreath has too much sugar to really be useful. i do genuinely believe thats a metaphor for curly, how hes just not made of what could get rid of 99.9% of germs - and even if he was, that 0.1% that he cannot get to would still be there. (note anya saying "drinking this stuff wouldnt help, as much as i want it to"!!)

on the other hand and for the record, i dont think anya "hates" curly here. her words are hurting him and she has the right to resent him but i dont think she actually feels that strongly negatively about him. i dont think shes that preoccupied about curly or his feelings in the first place, this isnt about him for her. it is understandable, of course. shes done waiting and shes tired of curly's empty promises that "everything will be okay", she just wants to at least be left alone in safety if nothing can be done to undo her abuse.

this scene to me is these two mindsets clashing. curly desperately holding onto the image of himself as a good captain not by pony express standards but by his own looking-out-for-my-crew standards, a good captain that would do anything for his men if he has to, while anya has given up on that illusion and is desperate enough to shatter it for curly as well, not even really knowing what she wants from him anymore. even if he doesnt enjoy being a good captain by pony express standards, curly has been chasing an idea of being in control and making sure everyone is fine on his ship but that was never what anya needed (heck, he wasnt even in control as much as he thought) and now shes forcing him to face that and realize how many warning signs hes walked past for whatever reason, how many opportunities where something could have still been done.

what "anything" can he do now to fix her situation in a way that matters? could he even really do anything or is he just the sugary mouthwash, too sweet to do its job properly?

[solshii]

here’s sol’s wip notes for her mlp svsss

sqq has a horn guard to cover his cracked horn (i assume it was near broken off when wu yanzi got to him and wyz would do some hoodoo voodoo backwater magic & cultivation to cure it to near perfection (without repercussions that would set back his magic and cultivation ofc))

lbh’s horn comes and goes (like a lightsaber) with his zuiyin. it helps with disguising as a normal pony, plus it goes in line with his whole rise to power with a ‘nopony is actually a secret alicorn’ pipeline LOL

higher class demons (i.e mbj, shl, heavenly demons) are more reminiscent to ponies (the same way they look more like humans in normal svsss) though majority of the demon realm consist of various species

i imagine majority of demons also dont have cutie marks as they are a variety of species, but maybe powerful demons probably get the chance to gain one (excluding binghe who gets to have one regardless since hes half pony)

we’ll.. figure out how to mix cultivation and pony magic together 💀🤞 somehow…

speculating lqg’s colour palette to be blue/grey/white (and naturally he has more moles around his body)

only heavenly demons get alicorn privilege so mbj is a unicorn

and sqh is a pegasus (airplane himself wouldve been an earth pony)

pony shen yuan would’ve been an average unicorn who can at most carry a few things at once. he wouldve been really excited when he could do all the cool unicorn stuff as shen qingqiu that he couldn’t when he was shen yuan

blackened binghe would probably have more black and red in his design

also everyone wears robes agsksj but yk i was fighting for my life 😞

some ponies (like lqg, sqh) only wear upper robes (and bracers) while some others (like sqq) wear robes the also cover their flank, though leave some open room for legs to move freely (see mlp gala dresses)

non-pegasi cultivators can probably still use their swords to fly (if we can fit two people on a sword, they can fit all fours on it i trust them 🤞🤞)

also yeah lbh’s guanyin pendant is in the same colours as the jade tassel on sqq’s cutie mark

i just thought it was cute

on cutie marks

i was gonna make lbh’s cutie mark just be his zuiyin but its subject to change

lqg’s cutie mark is cheng luan and a (probably white?? blue??) phoenix

i have no clue how to go about yqy’s cutie mark but i was telling someone about entertaining the thought of chains incorporated into it somehow as like,, symbolism for his whole deal with xuan su and his past as a slave, while also symbolising strong bonds (read: his attachment to sj), strength unity and all that makes him sect leader

since i wanted yqy to have something relating to how his past grapples at him without being inconspicuous for a sect leader and also having symbolism that really makes sense for a sect leader lol (plus chains are grey and it matches his colour scheme (put a b&w filter on this bad boy and u wont see a difference))

during their time as slaves, yqy and sj’s flanks were marked with 七 and 九 respectively. i think that if sj were to get a slave brand from the qius (icl ive read so many fics idk if this is a canon or fanon thing) it would be placed there as well

which is what makes the fan for sj a meaningful CM to me imo, like he’s hiding his past as a slave behind the fan like he does in reality, or generally metaphorical in the way 九 would define shen jiu and the fan defines his persona as shen qingqiu, iygwim

i took the poem on the fan from chapter 5 of dark clouds by invidia_envy LOL youll find it if you type in lyrics to the tune of wuyeti by li yu

i have no clue what to do for sqh either but i may just give him the generic scroll with a brush (sorry airplane (but it would be kinda funny if some of the scrolls are all crumpled up n everything))

also i imagine sj and yqy got their cutie marks when sj was in the qiu manor and yqy was having his whole xuan su fiasco, so they never saw each other’s CMs until their reunion. but i also dont know if this would be considered too late by mlp standards ahsjdj

my pens fixed and i havent drawn in a while

by the way theyre supposed to have robes guys i was just too confused to figure it out 😞

[babybearnation]

hopefully i worded this well 😖🤞

landoscar plan anonymous valentines gifts for reader thinking he would recognize their handwritings and overall the vibes of the gifts but reader always oblivious when someone likes him thinks the gifts are from someone else then lando and oscar desperately drop hints reader still adorably clueless

don't worry this is well worded! plus i really love this idea!

established!landoscar x gn!reader

lando and oscar are obsessed with you even more than they are obsessed with each other

they got together after silverstone 2023, and even though they're really happy together, they can't help but feel like a you-shaped void exists

you've worked at mclaren since 2020, so you're really close with lando, but when oscar arrived, you found yourself falling for him as well

but unfortunately for lando & oscar, you're really oblivious and didn't even know that they were a couple until they told you directly

you're happy for them, obviously, but you do feel a littte bit upset and/or jealous and you have to walk away and go calm down the second you can do so without it being weird

with valentine's day occurring during the middle of pre-season testing and preparations, lando and oscar set about making a plan on how to seduce you

lando buys you 10 gifts

oscar buys you 10 gifts

they buy you 5 gifts together

hell, oscar even convinces lando to work together on writing a love letter in case the gifts dont work (altho they are stupidly optimistic that they will)

they start planting the gifts around for you

you receive jewellery you've wanted for ages and stylish clothes that you mentioned ideally owning one day from lando

from oscar, you get hard to find sweets/snacks and things that pertain to whatever your hobby is

overall you're really starting to feel doted and loved upon

and you know the gifts are from two different people - the handwriting tells you as much - but you don't know who

even though the handwriting feels familiar, you don't investigate into it

you do excitedly tell lando and oscar all about it though which makes both of them suffer on the inside

when they realise you truly are that oblivious, they decide to start dropping hints

mentioning the next gift mere minutes before you'll find it

well, oscar is doing that. lando is telling you what the gift is as you find it

and yet, you still remain confused and oblivious as to who could be giving you all these gifts

lando snaps first, obviously, and marches over to you with the last present (a box of chocolates because valentine's day!!!) and the love letter he wrote with oscar

he hands them both to you with an insistent huff

"these are from me and oscar. just like everything else was."

he then storms off, leaving you alone with the final gift & the letter

you open the gift before reading the letter and you feel so guilty that you didn't recognise their handwriting and didn't notice all the signs they were trying to send

you read the letter two to three times before you start crying and you run from your work space to go and find them, tears streaming down your face

when you find them, you apologise for being oblivious and stupid and you confess your feelings and ask them to be your boyfriends

oscar doesn't give a fuck about the confession tbh, he just wants you to a) stop crying and b) never call yourself stupid ever again

lando meanwhile is not so patiently waiting for oscar to move the fuck out of the way so he can kiss you

yeah, you go home that day absolutely loved up and smothered in kisses from lando & oscar!

© all rights to babybearnation 2025.

[squiddy-god]

Headcanons on Mr Scarletella with a touchy and flirty ahh soulmate? 😰(both sfw and nsfw) pretty please with a cherry on top (WOULD lick and bite that hemoglobin looking mf from top to bottom if I could get my hands on him 🤭)

I too would absolutely devour that man, his spooky ass is not safe. No requested gender for reader so this is gender neutral 

Cw : scarlettella, obsessive behavior, horny thoughts, i mean like really horny thoughts, sweet loving spooky fluff, he's a creep, he's a weirdo, smut and fluff, the first half is fluff the latter is smut, freaky nasty ghost sex. Gn reader nothing specified 

Oh 

Oh this is a little too perfect 

Now i don't know if you literally meant soulmates so i did not focus on it but encase you did mean truly soul mates he will never let that go lmao 

Especially if like we are talking about red stings of fate style soulmates

Spends so much time just looking at the little string that binds you to him PERMANENTLY 

Mr delulu absolutely loves that you are touchy because he wants you to touch him and keep touching him 

Now you mentioned soulmates specifically and oh boy never explain that concept to him because it will only make his delusions so much worse because you are his soulmate

He adores how you cling to him, how your hand fits in his and how you let him engulf your smaller form 

Lets you touch his hair, afterall why should that creepy crawly get all of your headpats 

Truly this is his ideal, letting him touch you and you touching him back is a dream come true

Literally

Like this creep dreams of you, dreams of having you with him always and feeling the softness of your hands on him

Your lips pressed against him

It fills him with a giddy kind of elation that has his grayish skin blushing a deep bloody red

 And the fact that you are flirty??? Hnnngngghhhh spare this man

At first he doesn't get it, he doesn't understand flirting but he understands that this is good attention

But once he catches on, and he catches on quickly, he is overjoyed that you flirt with him so ple do continue 

I think mr sarletella could be described as flirty in his own way, in his own creepy way 

“You like me…very much…desire me…us together very much long time”

You are driving this many crazy tho

He already takes all of your actions as being flirty towards him, so the fact that your personality leans into him delusions is not helping 

Nsfw 

Hmmmmmggghhhhhh 

Run lmao 

Oh wait…haha you can't 

You cant because this man will be turning your legs into jello one way or another, if it isnt because the way he fucks you into the nearest surface its because he is doing it every chance he gets 

Im personally a big fan of the umbrella jokes and the hc that he can feel touch through the umbrella so i'm going to use that

He can feel the slide of your hand against the umbrella, he can feel the way you touch and hold it and he is shuddering in the corner because of it

Your every touch is literally tourcher to him because he wants nothing more then to shove his hands up your shirt to feel you better

 Cums in his pants and i will die on this hill this man is so desperate if you flirt with him at all he is bricked and god forbid you like idk wisher in his ear and plant kisses along his face and jaw

Hes cooked 

He is not lasting if you show him affection

Dont worry tho because nasty freak ass ghost man in red doesn't know what the words take a break or refractory period are 

I said it in my other ghost sex post but i think he is like the #1 fan of bloody sex, he likes it when it's your blood or someone else's (i don't think he has blood) 

Yk what i think would break him? If you had blood on your hands and then like blew him a kiss or something to that effect 

FATALITY 

He thinks you look so pretty in red 

In his colors 

As his 

HIS

And opp hes hard again 

I think he would like to tugg on the red string of fate while hes pounding you into whatever surface he has you pressed against, that way you can feel the little tugg deep in your soul and know its him<3 

[blondemrk]

hi ill become an anon 4 u! would you write chenle x reader who's really obvious w their crush? like they make him lil things all the time and gets so blushy around him so lele decides to take matters into his own hands :3 (you can do wtvr you want with the confrontation >_o) okii ty!!

♡ marks wife

CAUGHT IN THE ACT

p chenle x fem!reader g fluff

hi anon!! tysm for req. what do you want ur emoji to be :3

chenle wasn’t stupid.

if anything, he prided himself on being sharp—on reading people well, on picking up things others missed.

so when y/n started acting weird around him—stammering when he got too close, avoiding eye contact, blushing like crazy—he noticed.

and the gifts? yeah, those were hard to miss.

it started small. a neatly wrapped pack of his favorite candy left on his desk one morning. then a custom keychain with his initials, which she shoved into his hands so fast she nearly tripped over her words. then a handwritten note before his basketball game, wishing him luck with a tiny doodle of a dolphin in the corner.

chenle wasn’t dense.

and if y/n thought she was being subtle, she was dead wrong.

which is why, after weeks of watching her fluster herself into oblivion, he decided to do something about it.

the opportunity presented itself after school, when he caught y/n stuffing yet another carefully wrapped gift into his locker.

“you know, most people just say hi when they like someone.”

y/n jumped.

she spun around so fast she nearly knocked herself into the locker, her face instantly going up in flames. “chenle?! what are you—”

chenle grinned, leaning casually against the row of lockers. “what am i doing?” he tilted his head. “the real question is, what are you doing?”

y/n looked horrified.

“i wasn’t doing anything!” she blurted, immediately stepping in front of his locker like she could physically block the evidence.

chenle snorted. “yeah? then move.”

her eyes went wide. “why?”

“because i want to see what you definitely weren’t putting in my locker.”

y/n clamped her hands over her face, groaning. “oh my god.”

chenle just laughed, stepping closer. he didn’t miss the way her breath hitched, the way she gripped the sleeves of her sweater like it might help her survive this.

she was so obvious. and honestly? it was cute.

“i think i get it now,” he mused, tapping a finger against his chin. “you like me, don’t you?”

y/n’s whole body twitched.

“you dont know what you are talking about”

chenle leaned in, lowering his voice just enough to make her squirm. “is that a no?”

she opened her mouth—probably to deny it—but her words got stuck somewhere between her brain and her throat.

chenle grinned. “thought so.”

y/n made a noise that sounded somewhere between a whimper and a cry for help.

“hey,” he said, nudging her shoulder lightly. “relax. you don’t have to freak out.”

“this is so embarrassing ,” y/n muttered into her hands.

chenle chuckled, then—before she could spiral any further—reached for her wrist, gently pulling her hands away from her face.

“listen,” he said, softer now, meeting her wide, embarrassed eyes. “if you’re gonna go through all this trouble just to get my attention…”

y/n swallowed hard. “what?”

chenle grinned. “you could’ve just asked me out.”

“what?"

“i’m serious,” he continued, watching her carefully. “you like me, right?”

y/n stared at him, her lips parting slightly.

it took a second, but she nodded.

chenle smirked. “ i like you too.”

for a solid five seconds, y/n didn’t move. didn’t breathe.

chenle laughed, ruffling her hair before turning on his heel. “c’mon, let’s get something to eat. i’ll consider it our first date.”

and with that, he walked off—leaving y/n standing there, still frozen, still reeling, still trying to comprehend what just happened.

@chenlezip @injvns @polarisjisung @narcisstict @mrkified

[certifiedsexed]

I dont know if this is the right place to ask but I'm desperate. And please dont say you don't have enough details to help because I'm trying my best. I'm a girl (15) and I think I was SA'd by a guy friend. At a school dance we were talking and he asked me to dance and I said ok and it was awkward for a while but then he kissed my cheek. I was like bruh wtf and he said it felt like the right time and he had been having a crush on me for awhile now. I didnt ask for him to kiss me and told him not to talk to me anymore and he said ok and that was a few weeks ago and I haven't talked to him since. The problem is I did kinda want him to talk to me and I felt like he didnt pick up on what I was saying. We have a mutual friend in our friend group who told me she was giving him education on SA and abuse and stuff and he said he felt bad about kissing my cheek so I think he feels guilty abt what he's done. I want him to apologize to me or at least talk to me but he won't talk to me. Did he SA me and is he being abusive now by giving me silent treatment

Okay.

So, as a general rule, unless you have permission beforehand, it's always best to ask people before kissing them! But a kiss on the cheek without permission is not considered sexual assault.

But uncomfortable, definitely. I'm sorry he didn't ask your permission, I know that can be shitty.

If it were something that happened more than once and you'd said no but he was still trying to flirt with you, that would be considered harassment but what you're talking about is not.

Now, as for the rest of this, I'm a little confused. You told this guy not to talk to you and you're upset that he's not talking to you? You say he "didn't pick up" on what you were saying but you don't mention saying anything other than "don't talk to me", so I don't know what you mean by that.

I understand wanting an apology for him invading your space but I imagine even if he is feeling guilty, he probably doesn't want to cross another line given the one he already did and the fact you told him not to talk to you.

If you want him to talk to you, you're probably going to have to talk to him and explain what you're thinking.

Also, no, he's not being abusive or "giving you the silent treatment". The silent treatment is a term specifically for when someone stops speaking to you and ignores you in an attempt to punish you for something.

It's not the silent treatment if you told the person not to talk to you, especially not given it doesn't sound like he's trying to punish you. It just sounds like he's trying to be respectful.

I'm not sure how helpful this is but I hope it helps! Let me know if you have anymore questions, Anon. <3

[pigeonentity]

i keep thinking about them in terms of for and against each other: thirteen's against, twelve's for, eleven i think would be against, ten's for, and i haven't watched anything before him (yeah ikk im getting to it soon. watched it w my parents the first time so its on them) so i can't speak beyond that. dhawan's against, missy's for, and simm's against. like they've all got at least a little of both but they have a general direction

twissy worked out because they both cared about each other. missy came to help the doctor when he thought he was going to die, the doctor... locked her up, but he did have good intentions. i dont think we can say spydoc worked out, but i think since they both hated each other it went smoother than it could have. and tensimm was fucking doomed (neither of them want the same thing. they want each other to be different people)

twelvesimm, which was overshadowed by twissy but still deserves a mention, i think is similar to tensimm but with time could have had a higher chance of success, since 12, i think, might have responded more to him rather than trying to push him into someone who wanted to be better. tbh it might depend on the doctor's mood that day, im a little uncertain about this one but at the very least its a vaguely more functional tensimm

thrissy would break me. thrissy would be the anti-tensimm. missy shows up, still an enemy but also always, willingly and knowingly, a friend, and this time it's the doctor who says no. who tells her to fuck off, less distrust than expected and more loathing. they fight until missy realises it's not their usual games, and the doctor's gone too far stopping her. i mean come on her master tried to have her and her companions killed but it's not like he actually did it-- but she turned him over to the fucking nazis before she even knew he destroyed gallifrey, and missy killed osgood just after the doctor offered to have her as a companion, how would 13 take that?

11missy (elmissy? elemissy? mileven? no.) would run similarly, but if we're going with her using her same plan that she used on 12... he would take the army. he would take the army, however little he trusted her. i can see it going a few ways-- she leaves or he kills her or he locks her up somewhere because he's the doctor and she's the master and that's what he does, she comes back and suggests conquering the universe together or something, he says no and they fight, he says yes because he excuses murder if it aligns with what he wants, or if he likes the person enough (look at who he married!!) and they murder across the universe and we have canon thoschei until a companion saves the universe from them or river gets jealous

11dhawan would be AMAZING they have VERY similar energy and it would be SO much fun but also-- parallels? you could do so many little parallels with that? we see them spin the same way at the same time and they hate each other but one comments on something walking down a hallway and the other comes by and says the same thing and ughhh who do i pay to make this happen??

12dhawan has a special place in my hearts and i cant completely say why i just need them to meet. i need to be there when the master shows the doctor the timeless child and he cant accept it. idk if he'd be able to go the "there's more of me!" way out that 13 did, but he might be able to half do it, in that he realises he can overload the system but they break out of there through spite. i need to be there when the doctor says that ofc burning gallifrey is wrong, but he sides with the master. they lied to us. they lied to both of us. i need to see the master's anger, because he's being forgiven again. but he's not forgiving him, it's more that he understands, or like what he said to clara-- do you really think i care for you so little that betraying me could make a difference?-- and the master doesn't know what to do with that. he is so close to being better. but he doesn't want to be. so he burns himself up

10missy would work BUT i think 10 might take the army and theyd be less functional than twissy

I FORGOT THE ONES AFTER 13 skipping 14 bc he blurs into 10 for me even though they're different, but 15 would be for and he and missy would both hurtle into "this is MY queer friends to enemies to whatever the fuck we are and i can be as weird and dramatic about it as i like" not only are they both for but they're both on the exact same level as to what their relationship is and they're so fucking weird about it it's brilliant. varies a bit depending on who missy kills but i think there's a lot of chaotic potential there

but also if the master starts being too dramatic he would just tell them to shut up. which would also be brilliant

ANYWAY if anybody writes about any of these versions PLEASE tag me i need to read about them. pigeonentity on here and ao3. please

to me thoschei is one of those dress up games where i get to mix and match different items of clothing (versions of the doctor and the master) to create stunning outfits (tragic relationship dynamics)

[baffledandbewildered]

“I have a hypothetical,” Evi4 says.

The statement is a bit… random, but Betty doesn’t mind that. Evi is a little random, sometimes - she loves it about him.

“Sure? What’s up?”

Evi frowns, looks up at where Nara and Aster are talking. “I don’t want to…” He grabs Betty’s hand and drags her a little behind the Jest house, far enough away that the conversation is almost indistinguishable.

Evi4 isn’t usually this… serious. Betty knows they can be serious if needed, if necessary, she knows that better than most, but… it’s still weird. Discomforting. 

Betty doesn’t say anything, just gives them time to gather their words, and eventually they start speaking.

“If you were in a situation where - you have to kill either me or Void,” Evi says haltingly. “Who would you choose? Killing Void would - obviously have a lot of consequences.”

Betty can’t help but laugh. “What? Evi - we’ve literally - we’ve killed Void? Why would I choose his life over yours?”

“Killing Void would be dangerous though.”

“I don’t care. I’m not killing you.”

“That’s the wrong decision,” Evi mutters.

They - she can’t help but feel they’re having completely different conversations here.

“It’s - it’s not, Evi I love you why would I - no. I wouldn’t do that.”

“You should.”

“No.”

“Ugh. You’re so weirddd Betty.”

“I don’t think I am for not wanting to kill my fiance…” she says, but doesn’t want to argue the point further.

The two of them go back to Nara and Aster and rejoin the conversation like nothing has happened, but the thought still weighs on Betty’s mind. She’s not sure what just happened, and it’s… odd.

But it’s easy to forget, with the chaos of this day - Twirps is a VIP, five of Pathogen are online - Twirps wants to fight all of them, because of course, and while everyone’s trying to prepare she and Evi notice most of the team in the Red Light District.

Evi’s been casting hungry glances in that direction for a little while, creeping closer and closer - they’re going to get spotted, so Betty runs over, trying her best to keep out of sight herself, and splashes invis on them.

“Good luck!” she whispers. “Please don’t get killed.”

“I won’t!” Evi says and Betty watches the faint trail of particles disappear into the cave.

I’m gonna try steal something Evi messages her, and Betty holds back a giggle - she’s not going to move far away from the cave just in case something goes wrong, so she really doesn’t want to be overheard - she’s not the best with potions, and as such is currently also invisible - not the most innocent look, even if she’s not actually doing anything.

Of course, the invis still hasn’t faded when she gets another message on her communicator. 

okay so I might have been spotted

Oh gods. Betty types back: okay I’ll go talk to them, try to distract them, please try to leave

DONT DO THAT OH MY GODDDD

Evi4 is so - protective. It’s endearing, but also - this situation - it’s uncomfortably familiar to their messages on the day they killed Void, when Evi was spawntrapped, Evi refusing to tell her what was going on because he knew that Betty would gladly get herself killed if it meant Evi was okay - 

So Betty’s not listening to him now, and instead she runs into the cave, waving at Cog and Void and Arch. She’s… still invisible, which is awkward, and she’s pretty sure they know exactly what she’s doing but no one tries to jump Evi even when he starts rifling through one of Pathogen’s shulkers, Cog even gives her a very brief tour, and before she knows it she and Evi are both running back to main spawn, giggling.

“Success!” Evi says, showing her what they managed to steal.

“Yay it was worth it then,” Betty says. “Oh my god that was terrifying but hey I can - I can de-escalate situations!”

“You’re awful at de-escalating situations - that was so stupid Betty oh my god -”

Betty laughs. “Maybe. I don’t care though.”

“You should.”

“The important thing to me is that you’re alive. I doubt they would have killed me anyway.”

“Ugh. You’re so stupid sometimes BettyIsBaffled oh my god we should get divorced -”

“Now wait a second!” Betty says, and within seconds they’re off-topic again.

The next day finds her giving Evi nearly an entire stack of anvils - she’d joked, yesterday, about it being an appropriate apology for Betty getting Evi spawnkilled all those weeks ago for the minecarts, and - well. The guilt of that weighs heavy on her still, and though she knows the comment wasn’t serious she still wants to - 

She renames them, too. For Evi <3. 

It’s not much of an apology, not much of a gift, but Evi squeals in delight the moment she realises what she’s been given, then presses a brief kiss to Betty’s cheek, hugging her tightly. 

On a whim, Betty asks Evi to kill her with the mace - she ends up dying twice, the second time more accidental than not, but it’s fun - and she can’t bring herself to mourn the lost levels when each time she returns Evi gives the heart back with a kiss.

They spend the rest of the day doing… very little. At one point, Evi brings up ‘the hypothetical’ from yesterday - they argue it again, only briefly, and Evi stops talking entirely for a long moment when Betty says fondly - “You’re so self sacrificing.”

She’s not wrong, but she’d never thought of it like that before - Evi is, so, painfully self-sacrificing - not for many people, maybe, but he is. She loves that about him. 

They’re sitting on top of the arena, looking out over spawn when Evi brings it up again.

“I’m curious about the - thing you said earlier,” they say slowly.

“Huh?”

“The - self-sacrificing comment. Can you explain that?”

“Oh! Yeah, yeah I - I can explain -”

But - of course - it’s that moment when Seri appears and once again the thread of conversation is lost. But they have fun! Seri and Evi are… an interesting duo, Aster joins them at one point, the top of the Arena maybe gets broken a little but they manage to fix it… then Evi decides they wanna try and kill Katamari.

If it was anyone else, Betty would be hesitant. But she knows how well Evi fights and well. Katamari. So she gives Evi her axe and a good luck kiss and waits for chaos to unfold.

evi4 whispers to you: they won’t stay still this is so annoying i don’t know whether to call this off

You whisper to evi4: you could try jump off the mangroves?

You whisper to evi4: but it’s up to you if you think it’s too dangerous its not worth it

You whisper to evi4: just stay alive

And Evi… does. He manages to hit Mari with the mace, but they escape, then Void shows up and the pair of them fight for a bit then Evi runs and gods Betty feels like she could cry from relief - she’s so happy for him. Both for the fights - they were awesome - but also for leaving when he realised he couldn’t win, not fighting till the end - she and Evi have spoken about this before, how pride isn’t worth it sometimes, not if it gets you killed -

She’s so happy.

For a while after, they just… hang out at spawn. Void shows them the strip club, Evi digs holes in his walls, Betty tries her best not to fall asleep - turns out dying twice to a mace in ten minutes leaves you incredibly tired, or maybe it’s just her poor sleep schedule - still, it’s a fun day, honestly. 

The next afternoon, Evi asks Betty to join her at Animal Crossing Village - she’s working on getting backup gear, she says, and Betty’s down an axe from yesterday’s shenanigans so for a little while the two of them trade with villagers, talking about anything and everything.

It’s - strangely domestic. Making gear alongside someone else… it’s nice. She’s done this with Nara, the day after she and Evi killed Void, a few other times after that, but before that… a long time ago. Maybe the day after the Gameshow, when she and Sunset were…

It’s nice to have company. It’s fun - especially when the two of them get distracted going through their shulkers - “Why do I have 14 stacks of iron blocks in here?” - or Evi traps her in a corner, only to get flustered when Betty flirts back and mine the blocks under him, falling into the basement with an embarrassed yelp - at one point Evi asks her to spawn an iron golem so he can mace practise, then digs through the rusted corpse to hand her the poppy at its heart and Betty holds it so tightly she’s afraid the fragile stem will break.

Neither of them are particularly good at staying on task but it’s just. Good. It’s nice not to be alone.

At some point, they end up talking about dying - “You’ve killed me more than anyone else has, I think,” Betty muses, pulling up her statistics. “Uhh. Sin, Cog, Blue/arrow-cannon, creeper, Pollocks, Void, you, you again with the carts, Void again, Nara, then you again twice yesterday - I’m missing a death, what am I missing -”

There are four of her deaths now at Evi’s hands (do the minecarts count -?) and that’s - it’s a nice thought. She likes that she gets to choose. She likes… it’s a promise, isn’t it? Dying for someone, choosing to let them kill you... I trust you with my life, with my heart. 

“Imagine being able to remember your deaths…” Evi says wonderingly.

“Not all of them,” Betty says absentmindedly, still trying to work out what she’s forgetting, then she pauses. “Oh -”

The last she heard, Evi had died 170 times… and it’s been a little while since then.

But Evi just giggles and bats lightly at her arm, quickly moving the conversation on to something else. Betty still feels guilty.

It’s evening when they decide to go back to spawn - Evi shows her the hidden respawn point he’s made on the way, and when she realises she hugs him tightly - she’s been asking for so long for Evi to be more careful of where he respawns. Maybe he’s feeling the same way she is - things are happening, now, dangerous things, the end of the season is in sight, they all need to be a bit more careful - or maybe he just wants to have a safe space to recover after a death. It doesn’t matter. She’s happy regardless.

They end up going to Sniffer Island. Betty lets herself fall dramatically onto the grass under one of the trees, and after a moment’s hesitation Evi sits down next to her. There are so many flowers here - Betty had thought she’d never want to see a sniffer again after the nightmare she’d had kidnapping Snorb, but this is nice. Peaceful.

“Oh!” she says, turning a little so she can see Evi. “I never - did I ever explain the - self-sacrifice comment? You asked, but -”

“No…”

“Do you want me to?”

“Yes!”

Betty pauses, then sits up, anxiously flexing her hands a little. She stares out at the ocean, trying to put her thoughts into words - this is important, she thinks.

“When - after we killed Void, that time. You got spawnkilled. And I was - I was messaging you saying if they - if they’d be willing to let you go, if I let them kill me, I’d be fine with that. You wouldn’t let me. You yelled at me. Even before - you wanted to take the blame for killing Void - you told me to lie, claim it was an accident, that you found us talking. Or when you were trapped in the obsidian box - or even the other day, when you were trying to steal from Pathogen in the Red Light District - you’re so worried about my life, without thinking of your own - and I appreciate it, I do, I - gods, I love you so much but - you don’t have to -” 

She stops herself from saying anything more - she’s probably said enough. She darts a look at Evi - they’re not looking at her, and she can’t read their expression. Eventually, they turn to face her, but still won’t meet her eyes.

“I just -” they start, then pause. “I just think it’s better for me to die rather than… you having to deal with any consequences. Like I hate dying, obviously, but it’s just - the better decision there.”

“What? Evi -”

He stares hard at the grass. “I think - me dying has less of an effect over you dying. I have people who can give me heart mats while it actually costs you. I’m already viewed as a weak player. If I die it’s not going to change people’s perspectives of me.”

“I don’t care about - well okay yeah I do but that’s not - that’s not worth it. That’s not - and Evi, I have allies now, you know that, you know there are - you know better than anyone -”

Now he meets her eyes. “When people kill you it means more than if people kill me,” he says quietly.

Betty feels her hearts skip a beat - this is so wrong but she doesn’t know what to say to fix it, doesn’t -

“I’m glad you didn’t die when I got spawnkilled ‘cause I think it would’ve made our connections even worse and maybe more people target us,” Evi continues hurriedly. “I don’t think people view you as weak - even if Cog thinks you’re a coward or something. You are -” She laughs a little. “- still known to trap people very well.”

Betty laughs weakly too - not that well, and Evi knows that, but she appreciates the - confidence in her abilities. 

“I just think people are more willing to give my gear and stuff back,” Evi says. “That’s not something… that you or anyone else - except maybe Seri - have.”

“That’s not - an issue, though - I can grind more gear, I don’t care - that’s not worth your life Evi,” Betty says - oh, she’s crying now, of course - she’s not even sure why. She’s not sure what to say - somewhere along the line she’s missed this, and it is important that they talk about it but she doesn’t know what to say.

Evi laughs - it’s a little bitter, and that’s so wrong because Evi4 isn’t…

“I’m sure if you asked anyone on the server who they’d rather lose a heart it’d be me,” they say. 

Well that’s wrong - Betty goes to interrupt but they shake their head and she stops. 

“Okay, okay yeah maybe there are some people who - want you dead but still,” Evi continues. “Pollocks would obviously care but - I think it’s just something he’s accepted as part of being teamed with me.”

“Evi…”

“I just. I really do think it’s better for me to die than you having to face consequences.”

“But - Evi - you dying is a consequence for me,” Betty says, then wipes the tears from her eyes with shaking hands. “That’s consequences. That’s consequences I - I don’t -”

She can’t bring herself to say anymore - she doesn’t know what to say. She doesn’t know how to fix this - she hates the fact Evi thinks so little of himself, that no one respects him the way Betty and Poll do, that Evi believes that -

They’re both silent for a little while.

Eventually, Evi looks at her again. He twists his hands together anxiously, pulling at a loose thread on his dress. “I can try to be less self-sacrificial with you but I want you to know I care a lot about you and think me dying instead of you is better.”

Betty takes a deep breath. “Okay. Okay. Yeah. I - I understand - and you - you understand what - what I mean, right? When I say -”

He nods rapidly.

“Yeah. Okay - and you’ll try. You’ll try - that’s all I can ask.” She smiles at them - she’s still crying, she probably looks a state but Evi smiles back shyly and she can’t bring herself to care. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Yay!” Evi4 says - he’s trying to act like nothing has happened but it’s so obvious that he’s just as - emotional as Betty is - it’s - gods, she loves him.

“Let’s make a heart!” Evi says, jumping to her feet then holding out a hand to pull Betty upright too. She doesn’t let go, either, even as the two of them dig a hole in the surface of the island and place froglights in a heart shape - it makes it a little difficult to build, but Betty appreciates it - it feels like a promise, like Evi’s saying: I’m not going to leave.

Likewise, Betty thinks to herself.

And then they’re standing next to the heart and Evi pauses, turns to face her. It’s dark now, but the moonlight makes their crown shine - they’ve never looked more like royalty, and Betty’s never been the type to care too much about titles but she’d gladly worship them.

Evi takes a deep breath. “I can try to be less self-sacrificial,” Evi repeats, hurried, tripping over the words a little. “I’ve spent most of my time on this server without anyone to rely on properly so I’m sorry if I show my love in odd ways like a piece of diorite or making sure you don’t die even if it costs me a lot.” They stop, take another measured breath. “I hope I’m able to communicate how much I love you even if it’s in something not very typical but I care about you a lot.”

And yep, Betty’s crying again, but she doesn’t move, lets Evi continue speaking.

“I’m very happy we’re allies - I don’t care about a lot of people on this server even if I trust them but I think you’re the only other person besides Pollocks I’d go to the ends of the earth for - you’ve done so much for me I love you a lot.”

“I - gods, Evi4, I love you too - I love you so much, I don’t think - I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to say it enough - gods -” She wipes her eyes on her sleeve, giggling weakly, then tugs at his shoulders until he bends down far enough she can kiss him. “I love you, okay?” she whispers against his lips. “I love you.”

She definitely could never say it enough - it’s - sometimes, when she’s alone, she remembers what she and Evi4 used to be - chasing them away from her herobrine summoner, explosions in her maze - they weren’t even friends at the start, and now -

They both yelp as the nose of a sniffer pushes its way between them, and then they’re giggling, Evi trying to shove the creature away but there’s such fondness in their eyes, and just for a little while Betty allows herself to believe that everything is going to be okay.

[cogmented]

hi cogmented! love the art. do you have any tips for beginners? thanks and have a good day

HI YES YOU TOO i think most of these are applicable to beginners and non-beginners

i learned these tips from two low level art classes based on charcoal so i find some of these a lot easier through traditional means, but the skills learned from them should be transferable through any medium

i wont be touching on color or perspective too much, here's a past post i did on colors.. more so values, but it didnt go in-depth as i would have liked

shape and form are fundamentals for visual art. you need to think of form to get your shapes around it

mass and additive are kind of the same thing, just the filling of the shape, no lines involved. gesture is more so for the feeling of the same, and line gets further definition

here are some of my digital examples:

mass, gesture, line

subtractive

the top left drawing started as mass, where i formed the two people's positions into one blob and then colored over it

once you start getting those down, you can start applying it. but, you may want to look at what other artists are doing too

tracing, doing master copies, and using references are all fair methods of learning off of another, just dont pass off traced or copied art as your own

tracing tends to make your lines appear stiff, especially if you are tracing a more gestural drawing. you don't get the same motion as when you are simply referencing

mastercopies are replicas of the art work, made to look exactly like it in an attempt to emulate the same techniques the original artist might have used. i find this personally the most tedious, but beneficial method, but it may not be the easiest thing to do as a beginner who is not used to quick hand motions or confident lines.

this mastercopy sucks because mimicking traditional on digital is not the easiest thing in the world, and i on god just fucked it up, but you can see how that form and shading is much more similar than the other two

using an image as a reference is the most widely known method, but it may not look exactly how you want it to at the start! you might simply not know how line weight, textures, or line methods work yet, which is something figured out through practice and observation

and speaking of observation,

this looks okay, doesnt it?

but there is something much more structured to this, right?

it is hard to not assume you know how things look. you see things every day! your reference is right there! but really think about what you're drawing, and what it looks like.

references are always helpful, be sure to glance back frequently and really look at the distance between things, how things are rotated, how things curve around each other, and where shadows add definition

and even the bottom drawing does not capture everything correctly (the top left is not pointed enough, the middle is too high, the bottom right back fabric is too low, the bottom left is missing a fold, etc etc) i gave myself 5 minutes max for these, but it certainly looks more correct and it is not just more well developed shading

(the box is something i do often to get the size of shapes down, or to see how much space something will take on the canvas)

and always always always experiment

you do not have to draw every line, you do not have to put every detail in its right place, you are only trying to get visual information across in a manner that you enjoy

if you have an idea, but dont think you can do it, the most important thing is that you try it anyway. if it looks like shit and you dont like it, try again another day, just dont stop drawing because one day you will be able to do it

dont be afraid to erase things, to start over if you dont like it, even if you spent time on it, because you can always redo it better the next time and each time it is another thing learned or whatever. or keep it cause it looks funny or interesting who cares, as long as youre doing something

[nr1sealuvr]

drv3 chapter 5 closing argument rant below because I am mentally unstable

btw this is not intended as a ship but if you wanna take it that way thats fine!! :3

So erm i think we all know that ch5 is PAINFULLLL man bc WTF :(( but there are a few panels in the closing argument that make me bawl (sobbing as i write this LMAO)

This one hurts the most because LOOK!!! 2 ppl that hate eachother HELPING each other at their lowest. AND THEY WERE BOTH DOOMED FROM THE START. AND THEY KNOW IT. Kaito with his illness and kokichi....well...FJKDKXJDNSSN

just like imagine the most stubborn little shit that you despise (except you dont, because Kaito is such a sweetie hes uncapable of doing so) telling you to kill them. that was the only time he was ever honest to him and really let Kaito see him. 2 FUCKING MINUTES BEFORE HE DIES. Imagine how much that HURT katio, being forced into killing someone in the killing game that you hate so much. He said it himself he KNEW it would fail and he knew he would get executed but FUUUCKCKXK HE STILL DID IT. That was like the last touch kokichi got holy shit being dragged across the floor BLEEDING wait hold on my vision is blurry okay im back AND GOD HE WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN and like. i can not imagine a life where I have to lie to myself that everything is gonna be fine. He had decided that he was READY to die.

WELL HE FUCKING WASNT BECAUESE LOOK AT HIM UZGGHHHSHSH he had to LIE to himself that he was to end the killing game. and he knew aswell there wasnt a high chance to do so BUT HE STILL DID IT JESUS DOES THIS NOT SHOW HOW MUCH HE CARES. He basically killed himself just because of a tiny tiny chance the killing game would end. Also Kaito going "you little..." while he had his little meltdown also made me sad call me delusional but IF YPU ZHINM ABOUT IT HES LIKE SYMPATHISING WITH HIM HES IN DISBELIEF BECAUSE HE FUCKING CARES AND HE KNEW WHAT WAS COMJNG AND THEY ARE FUCKING DOOMED AND I HATE THEM.

Heres him getting dragged because ouch. The silence was PAINFUL

Now this scene. Oh. My. God. Okay so first of that thing jn the bottom right corner. Kaito is looking at him and hes looking down. He just gave him permission to kill him and Kaito had no choice but to do it. Hes exposing himself to him and he cant even fucking look at him because they both know how bad the situation is. There was never any hope but they wanted to TRY. AND THEY TRIED AND THEY FUCKING FAILED Aaaanf my vision is blurry from tears again hold on okay anyway look at kaitos face. HE DOESNT WANT ZO. HE DOESNT WANT TO KILL KOKICHI. HE KNOWS KOKICHI DOESNT WANT IT. BUT THEY HAVE ZO. they fucking have to holy shit

This one also makes me sad because again imagine zhe SILENCE as your so called "worst enemy" takes out the wounds that he himself had made (ik one was from maki) and kokichi is NEVER quiet. He knew how serious and bad this was and they both stayed silent, not wanting to acknpledge it because they had hope. And it failed. Fuck.

Anyways i think its safe to say these little shits make me sick and IDJSJWN kaito being forced into killing has got to be the most painful thing ever oh and him pretending to be kokichi in the excisal. I know kokichi wrote a lot of the lines but still. Imagine having to act so cheerfull while pretending to be the one you killed. The GUILTTT GOOOSSSHHH

okay i gotta go now my dads picking me up in 2 min rant over:3

[lazarusrisingx]

idk bout yall but im an age regressor due to extreme trauma etc yada yada so imma talk abt the LADS boys rq. i also dont interact with other age regressors or talk abt my age regression very often because im embarrassed of it but its a coping mechanism for me and im stressed as shit right now but cant let myself go to that headspace so anyways!!

my asks are open so if y’all wanna request something or just ask questions you can!

completely SFW post, some slight angst but it turns into fluff so dont worry, mentions of some self loathing with caleb and sylus but thats about it

talking about age regression and what the LADS men would be like as caregivers!

zayne

is def a soft but strict caregiver, the cool calm and collected doctor

he doesnt want his little to get hurt and his time with pediatric patients makes him quite a skilled caregiver. he has quite a few rules and some soft rules for his little, and doesnt want them to have a babysitter because he loves being attentive and caring for his little when they regress.

he has heard of age regression as a coping mechanism for trauma, and did some research on it when he did a psychiatric rotation at the hospital, and after hearing more about the community he had some interest in it but its not something he ever actively sought out.

it fulfills a part of him he didnt know he had, it gives him the space to be less serious, and brings out a more playful side in him. but he has strong protective instincts once he reaches caregiver space, and it shows.

he has a hard time not giving in when his little is upset when he says they cant have more sugar, or need to go to bed, or that they need to take their meds. he doesnt like seeing his little upset no matter what, and his heart melts even though he knows that to much candy would make your stomach hurt, or that without your meds and treatment you would be sicker, he knows how scary it can feel when your like this and you need treatment, and he knows how to help soothe you and get you to trust him.

he doesnt do timeouts, maybe less than five minutes but he has so much expeireince with kids that he is able to apply it when your in littlespace, and get you to follow the rules.

he makes sure to discuss everything with you before you are in little space, learns your favorite shows, what might trigger you, every small detail he needs in order to be a good caregiver is talked about in detail beforehand.

your little space soon becomes something he looks forward to every day. a different way for him to relax, a different way to have fun. its his favorite and he loves it dearly.

Caleb

caleb is an energetic, slightly strict, but matches your chaotic energy type of caregiver.

caleb has known you your whole life. while in your teenage years and a bit into your adulthood you didnt quite understand why you would act the way you did, caleb adapted.

he wanted to adapt.

its only when hes gone do you realize you age regress, and his absence makes it harder to do so, and makes it harder for you to escape the things going on. you didnt feel safe enough, even though your mind would teeter on the age of little space you couldnt bring yourself to fall into it. beforehand you simply labeled it as feeling ‘silly’, never stopping to actually think about what was happening, not thinking about the fact that it happened whenever caleb was around and you got triggered by something. not always an upsetting trigger, sometimes just a kids show or being sureounded by your stuffies was enough to tip you into littlespace, a blissful headspace that felt akin to a warm blanket laying over you. where you let yourself rely more on caleb, where you didnt see the awful shit that was going on. it wasnt ignorance, it was a way to cope and heal.

Caleb didnt need you to tell him what you needed. he can recognize the signs that your regressing before you can, and it makes his heart melt in a littlle puddle of love to see it. even when you were teenagers and he was unknowingly babysitting you, he loved every moment of it. you get so playful, a bit mischevious, playing small childish tricks on him, and yes you became a bit more vulnerable to bad people so he became even more fiercely protective of you.

caleb has soft rules. he isnt very strict unless it comes to your safety. want to eat a bag of candy? of course! stay up all night with him? whatever youd like pip-squeak! he can almost never say no to you, unless he feels like it might endanger you. if he tells you no and you pout and cross your arms his heart will do jumping jacks and he will cave within a few minutes. the only time he puts you in timeout is if your throwing a particularly rough tantrum, or you do something that could hurt you. even then, its usually only a little less candy that day, and possibly going to bed a little earlier because he knows how worn out you must get over such big feelings, despite your protest that your never sleepy.

caleb never evereverevereverever uses the Colonel personality with his little. his eyes are always soft and his voice is sweet and gentle. he compromises a lot, and just how littlespace is freeing for you, its freeing for him.

he doesnt have to rough and cruel. he doesnt have to lead with an iron fist. his violent actions during the day are forgotten during these times. hes able to relax, to be protective, and on the days when his actions weigh heavily on him, when his guilt and self-hatred reaches a boiling point, when the pain of his own memories is dragging down his soul, feeling you hug him in your soft pajamas, your favorite stuffy being pressed against his face as your babbling about your day in that cute voice, its like a switch flips in his brain.

even in little space you help him to. if you notice hes looking a little down you always know how to cheer him up.

within the hour he no longer feels that weight in his chest. hes taking care of you, helping you, holding your hand and showing you how to build a pillow fort, as his own worries are swept away from the cuteness overload and sweet feelings that swell in his heart for his Little. just like zayne, your age regression heals a part of him that he didnt know needed healing aswell

Sylus

sylus is the definition of a spoiling caregiver. so sweet itd give you a tootchache. although nervous at first, he is ecstatic to be so close that youd trust him with this.

my man sylus. the cruel, cold leader of Onychinus, master of the N109 zone…

Cannot tell you no.

stickers on his face? absolutely little one. terribly ‘doing his hair’ before meetings with some of the cruelest men on earth? anything for you sweetie, such a cutie. makeup time? his favorite color is red can you show him which color is red sweet-pea?

Sylus absolutely cannot maintain any rules for his beloved little. outside of what might get you hurt, Sylus is a bit like caleb in the sense he cannot say no. except he doesnt even try to tell you no. caleb will put up a little fight, but Sylus? oh hes just a damn teddy bear.

shopping sprees, meetings with your favorite cartoon character voice actors, signed merch from each of them, unlimited stickers, unlimited hide and seek games, unlimited everything.

and its perfect.

his days at work are spent being ruthless, cruel, his heart guarded like a fortress, all for him to be able to come home and let it all leave as soon as he sees you clutching your favorite stuffy and begging him to read to you.

he enjoys story time the most. youll bring one of the many books he has bought for you, disregard whatever he is doing at the time, make him sit so you can curl up in his arms, put your head on his chest and listen to him read you a story.

but how did the cunning man get into this situation?

You brought it up. after a particularly horrible day, you were neck deep in age regression. kieran and luke had gotten a call from you crying so terribly that they responded without notifying sylus first. the mess they came in on wasnt one that was gorey, but one of you throwing a tantrum because the pillow fort you had tried to make wasnt big enough for you and all your stuffies.

hell they didnt even know you had this many plushies. and it was quite confusing to see you sobbing as if the entire world had gone up in smoke. they were just as panicked as you were, frantically trying to figure out the solution to your problem, you were hardly coherent, and it took a few frantic calls for sylus to already be on his way home, only knowing that you were a mess right now, crying so loudly sylus didnt even bother listening to the twins, cut his meeting off immediatley and sped home.

he didnt know what age regression was.

but he is a very quick study and he would never do something he didnt enjoy doing.

sylus is nervous though. the two of you have a lot of conversations about your regression, and he has a lot of questions. but he is nervous. maybe scared might be the right word.

hes scared that cold person he pretends to be is really him sometimes and hes scared you might be able to see it. that youll look at him youll see a monstrous thing, a wolf in sheeps clothing, because sylus sees himself like that sometimes.

it takes him a while to fully relax. its not because he doesnt enjoy this side of you. Gods no Sylus loves it. its the highlight of his day. seeing you smile so much, seeing you so excited your very atoms shake, the way you come to him for help, you come to him for anything and his heart melts. every little thing he wants to do it for you. open every peice of candy, change your shows around for you, get you more juice, every little thing you want and need of him he craves to do for you. all he wants is to take care of you. on his hardest days his solace is coming home to you. taking you to a park without anyone there so you can play on the swing, snuggling up with you and reading a book, letting you jingle out broken melodies on his instruments, humming a lullaby to you so youll sleep, every second of it fills his heart with a great joy he never knew he would be able to get. but part of him cannot fathom that youd place so much trust in him. that youd let him care and nurture the most vulnerable side of yourself.

but eventually, he relaxes. he becomes less of a quiet caregiver who smiles softly and encourages you. he becomes more active, soon enough the two of you are playing hide and seek around the house. hes chasing after you in a game of tag, hes laughing louder, hes less passive in his caregiving.

its also healing for him. a reminder that he is not what everyone says he is. yes he is ruthless but thats not all he is. he is not a cruel dragon, not a ruthless arms dealer, not a gang lord, none of it, not when he is with you. He is Sylus, his hands and words were not meant to only cause pain, but to heal.

he is open to only two other people babysitting you. luke and kieran become big brothers to you. when sylus is away he puts the two of them in charge when you regress. and yes just like real siblings the three of you get up to quite a bit of bullshit together, but nothing dangerous.

at the end of the day Sylus loves caring for you. it takes him some time to catch his footing, but once he finds it, he flourishes. he loves you so deeply, and it shows in every action.

[mythalism]

I think part of why Blackwall has the option to get off easy is definitely down to his willingness to be submissive and contrite. I think it also helps that we find him at the tail end of his "redemption" rather than in the middle so he's already acknowledge his wrong doing and is resolved not to repeat the crime, he is technically already trying to atone for it when we meet him as he was going to join the wardens as a self-imposed "punishment" though I would still argue his behavior can be considered cowardly as he is running away from his crimes rather than taking responsibility. If he were unrepentant I think the writers would treat him differently, as would the fandom. I think also the amount of power and sway the inquisitor has over Blackwall plays into it. Blackwall by the time we meet him has no real agency over his fate and no power to do any harm or good on a wide scale without the inquisitor. No matter how hard he might try to, in his words "want to do good and be good" it's out of his hands. There is no point during the game prior to the inquisitor potentially redeeming him that he is a free man.

i think you are right about a lot of this and i especially like your use of "submissive" to describe what blackwall has that anders and solas do not. and while i agree that contriteness and repentance are important parts of blackwall's more positive narrative framing, i dont think that can be the smoking gun because solas is famously remorseful and apologetic, at least at high approval, but that does not buy him the same narrative goodwill that blackwall gets. anders isnt repentant at all but. you know thats just anders. anyway that is why i think you nailed it with the "submissive"ness being the key. solas is apologetic, repentant and contrite and expresses repeated remorse for what he is doing and has done, but he does not submit to your (the player) will. he is more powerful than you. you cannot convince him. the same is true for anders. both of them are unstoppable and are one of few things in thedas that are completely outside of the player's control. and when you look at video games as a power fantasy, as many people do (not me tho... stay safe out there) this inhibits the power fantasy and makes people uncomfortable. blackwall, on the other hand, submits to your will and judgement.

i think this is especially interesting in regards to solas's non-redemptive endings and epler's comments regarding the fantasy of being right. blackwall says "im sorry, i was wrong and you were right" but solas says "im sorry, but i am right". im too lazy to find it but epler cited this fantasy of "being right" verbatim in one of his AMA rants about how important it was to him that solas be fooled and defeated by the player. blackwall lets you be right, lets you decide what to do with him, returns agency to the player. solas and anders refuse.

whats weird then is that the writers wrote them like that on purpose, and then turned around and villainized them both later. i think to that end, @kraujuota's reply on my original post about the implicit bias we have towards state-sanctioned violence being permissible versus revolutionary violence being evil is probably our best bet at explaining that lol

[ezrasxfics]

(sorry if i’m requesting too many fics-)

*slams a cup of “beer” on the counter (it’s actually apple juice)* hhhh…your “language barriers” fic absolutely ruined me /pos…

so mayest i request a sequel fic where caine (being very awkward, because he’s never had to make a genuine apology before), try to comfort and make amends after what he said. zooble would obviously be giving him the cold shoulder since the wounds are still fresh but maybe a few of the things he says actually works just a little…? a smidge…? who knows? ;3

language barriers part 2

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zooble + caine (platonic) angst

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zooble pov

honestly, i never expected that from caine. yeah, he’s an idiot, i cant stand him, but he’s well meaning. not even i can deny that. after the whole incident, i ended up in my room, refusing to let anyone comfort me. i don’t want people seeing me like this. i hate being vulnerable. it’s not me, it’s not right.

i take a few deep breaths, inhaling through my ‘nose’ and exhaling through my ‘mouth’. it only helps a little, as salty tears continue to fall down my stupid, triangular face. the source of my discomfort.

eventually, there’s a knock on the door. from quite low down. hell, is that an elf?? either that or pomni. no.. it’s too short to be pomni. “go away-“ i mumble, not wanting the individual behind the door to hear my sobs, or any voicecracks. after a few moments, the door opens regardless, and in comes caine. caine. couldn’t he just teleport..? he has his hat off, holding it close to his chest, a look of remorse on his face. he couldn’t seriously feel bad. he’s never felt bad a day in his life.

“zooble.. can i talk to you? it’ll only take a few minutes.” without even asking permission, he sits next to me, not looking me directly in the eyes. “i just wanted to.. apologise. i upset you, and i was wrong for that. i’m sorry.”

i stare at him, entirely incredulously. “you’re.. sorry? you gotta be f**king kidding me. you can’t be serious-“

“but i am, zooble. you didn’t choose your avatar, and i know you aren’t exactly fond of it. i shouldn’t have used that against you, even if your body doesn’t define you as a person, i was wrong.”

“damn right you were, that sh*t stung.” i snap, turning away a little. he’s the last person i want to talk to right now, i almost wish it was an elf. anything’s better than him.

“can you please hear me out? i don’t want this incident to impact anything in the future - i dont want you to hold any grudges. that wouldn’t be good for either of us.” he says, and there’s an almost genuine look in his eyes - one that i've never seen before.

“wouldn’t be good for either of us? or just you?” i retort, not quite willing to forgive him get. sure, he’s being a decent ‘person’ right now, but who knows when that might change? by tomorrow, he’ll be back to normal, he’ll just forget that this conversation ever happened. i cant let myself get my hopes up that things will change. that just sets me up for feeling like sh*t. and i don’t need to feel like that any more than i already do.

“i understand if you don’t want to listen to me, but you should know that i am sorry. i’m not just saying things like i know you think i do, i’m not as disingenuous as you might think. sure, i struggle understanding human feelings, but i do want to try. and maybe you could help me some time, if you’re willing.”

and with that. he leaves. i think something in me changed today, too. maybe things can really start to change..?

ah, who am i kidding.

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never too many requests, don’t worry!!! i love this dynamic!!

reblogs appreciated!!