#but i don't see harm in it otherwise
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jimothantheclown · 1 year ago
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maybe using computers to create art isn't inherently bad or wrong and maybe the bad thing is the continued commercialization of art ?
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hamletshoeratio · 6 months ago
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Can y'all just be you know normal Marina Thompson for like 5 seconds? Because christ, the sheer Misogynoir that some of you spread about her character is insane and you don't even realise it.
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rubiatinctorum · 3 months ago
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when you see discourse about the true meaning of an element in a text and what that implies concretely for the morality or affect of the characters and work and discussions of such
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unproduciblesmackdown · 28 days ago
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what if we held on to whatever we get the idea of as Normal as unquestionable & think all you can do to this normal is apply some veneers overtop it to be more polite & also resent that. maybe we could project that everyone who seems to be Annoyingly Disruptively doing more than this must be putting on a performance to look good &/or humor others b/c that's all we ever believe we're doing, & again, we resent even that much....maybe we could use our show of More Polite language to make the same points blaming everyone who our Normal mistreats for their own mistreatment
#perhaps we could lecture autistic people on their; ah; Lacking Social Skills or Intelligence. it's just matter of fact#completely neutral what Annoys those who do well enough when thrown into any group settings; completely neutral how they React#like yeah can't possibly take issue w/anything Acceptable to Encouraged in the realm of even ''successful'' ''normal'' social interactions#infinite ''smh this is why nobody takes ableism seriously'' like oh you mean b/c of the ableism? is why you don't take it seriously?#infinite ways of phrasing that everyone alleged so Annoying With It is just like you but someone actively Putting On An Act too much#all it can possibly be. just as someone's Anti Ableism would be knowingly ''humoring'' / ''tolerating'' an autistic person e.g.#ah you see to this Person Who Identifies As Nonbinary's face i will try to mostly use Their Preferred Pronouns. that's that done#but it's sooo annoying. what's next; multiple &/or changing pronouns? god even worse. so Inflicted Upon my correct norm#if i'm not feeling actively malicious & devious in how i treat someone i am surely as righteous as it gets#having to improve on perfection by occasionally feeling Put Upon to perform politeness around some individuals? ughhh#that's why it's actually illegitimate. shouldn't have to be Put Upon like that. (finding the norm Questionable? out of the question Lol)#shocked ppl report that casual usage of the r word is having a revival. by shocked i mean [already clear ppl didn't care abt that]#& again just the current ''polite'' rephrasing of ableism like oh um :) disabled ppl are just a Specific kind of unintelligent & unskilled#& unprofessional & incompetent & a harmful scourge :) & maybe if they learned to be otherwise they wouldn't be punished :)#just formalized ABA vs the less formalized ABA huh. & the [the Real ableism] it ostensibly is to be saying all this i'm sure#something something not a real ally if they encourage behavior that will Make other ppl treat you badly. helpless neurotypicality :(#just as the ppl saying ableism is baked into terms & phrases used casually well beyond the [bad but lol guess not That Bad r word]#were definitely the ones Advancing Ableism by annoyingly overdoing the Polite Veneer you imagine they were Demanding#(rather than a more thorough questioning of language & accepted ''norms'' in pointing out the logics in their usage / basis)#simultaneously as being too much to ask it was also always so Frivolous as to not be worth the apparently infinitesimal effort#hmm guess we'll never solve the contradictions there....#not even with the ''openly saying 'see? i don't take ableism seriously & now it's Your Fault b/c i saw this & scoffed at it''' clues#& a final shoutout to the classic ''it's called being Realistic'' language in this & wherever else relevantly applied lol. we could go on
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thedragonsfate · 9 months ago
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since I'm thinking abt it, I feel like it's always a good time for the reminder that your kidneys main function is to filter your blood to balance your body's fluids and remove waste to be released out of your body in your urine
if your kidneys are functioning properly then they are already doing any "cleansing of toxins" your system may need automatically all of the time, just like they're doing in the bodies of countless other species
The human body is very successful at surviving and has evolved to do so!! it's a very cool thing the way your body works to support your everyday life in ways that can pretty much eliminate the need to manually enact basic survival functions like the beating of your heart or the filtering of waste harmful to your body!
I guess I just wanna say like. unless you truly have kidney disease or other organ failures/disfunctions - in which case definitely do seek medical intervention - you can trust your body to take care of that for you
don't let anybody shame you into thinking you should be out here doing cleanses and paying significant money to try to hack into what your body is already doing for you naturally,
and try not to let human intelligence and ego undermine the success of a body plan that has been successful for vertebrates for at LEAST tens of millions of years
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acheronidae · 2 years ago
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I am not going to name names, I am not going to put any one specific person on blast, nor should anyone else.
But PLEASE, TAG YOUR SHIP CONTENT PROPERLY!
What may be your OTP may make someone else very uncomfortable. You are fully within your right to post about that ship if you want to, I am not in any way trying to police the content other people choose to make on this site(within the boundaries of both the law and of Tumblr's community guidelines).
I only ask that you tag the ship so that the people who don't want to see said content can filter the tag and avoid it.
We are all here to have fun, so we should all be looking out for each other and properly tagging the content we make so that we don't have to resort to blocking each other.
Please and thank you.
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areyoudoingthis · 1 year ago
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I think the reason I don't really enjoy the ofmd fandom is that most people are actually convinced that they have the correct interpretation of the show and everyone else is wrong. and it's not just the rabid izzy fans, it's most people in every camp. the fun thing about the everyone's opinions are incorrect except mine take on fandom is that it's not true, and it stops being fun when you truly believe it
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subconsciousmysteries · 1 year ago
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boomers n X'ers are mad that millennials Gen Z have woken up to all the child abusive norms in our society and we no longer give our parents respect just because they're our parents and teh bibble says so.
We also woke up to the fact that their politically passive and materialistic youth, where they took out a bunch of cheap usury loans and did nothing to stand up against central banking, has destroyed the economy for future generations. they have the audacity to call us lazy conspiracy theorists and essentially gaslight us for noticing such things.
A friend once told me she thinks that boomers and gen X are competing with their kids in this weird gross game to prove they're more successful and better, and I have to agree. They show no empathy for their own children's suffering, it's a generation full of casual and normalized narcissistic personality. I think this is a direct consequence of their culture which didn't encourage them to question their parents and see the humiliation and abuse they faced as children for what it is, unlike our culture today does. They actually believed that parents had kids out of virtue and selflessness and that the kids were obligated to repay the parents, not the other way around.
I notice a lack of individuation from the parents in most of Boomer and Gen X individuals. a "children must obey their parents" mentality. or... replace "obey" with "please" or "impress". Anyone with this mentality is primed for the narcissism demon. They will feel the constant need to prove themselves to the parents, to prove that they're successful and more worthy of praise, because in their eyes the parents can do no wrong and it is always their fault if the parent is abusing them or neglecting them. Then they project this gross mentality onto their children.
#Realizing I didn't have to obey was one step to liberation#Realizing I dont even have to please or impress or make them think anything good of me ever... is the final step#It's your job to adapt to the individual your child is#Provided they're not a monster who's hurting anyone#It's not their job to impress you and mold themselves to be something you'd like to see#Parenting is a chance for spiritual growth cuz it forces you to accept things as they are instead of how you want them to be#You must tell the difference between what is in ur power to change and what isn't#Otherwise you will cause great harm to your child#And you must expand your tolerance of diversity#Cuz your child could be anything ... Many such things which are not to ur tastes and which would trigger u as a small minded individual#Only ppl with expanded perceptions can be good parents.#Ie people who understand “conspiracies” and the importance of risk taking and don't flip out and Worry that their child is emo#And have a life outside of being a worrying parent to keep u going if ur child runs away or dies#Cuz there also comes a point in ur child's development where#(usually around 18+)#If ur giving them grief about their choices to risk death... for the reason that You don't want to see them hurt or killed#U are selfishly stifling their individuation process#For most older parents it's not about the kid's feelings and the kid's individuation#it's about me me me my feelings my fears my comfort my hysterical reactions#Regardless of how they hurt my child with said hysterias#Anyway .
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microcosmiclymbic · 1 year ago
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What do you do when you're too toxic for friends but you're supposed to heal in community?
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drac0nequus · 1 month ago
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one thing ive noticed about the way i use tumblr is i don't reblog posts based on whether i think they're "correct" or not. im not combing through every word and tallying up how many unlearned biases the op is displaying. i reblog posts that are emotionally raw. i reblog people who are venting and hurting and being genuine, even if it's messy or unfair in some ways. posts i reblog aren't a moral value, and they aren't teaching materials. im finding moments of community where someone was frustrated or hurt and then dared to be vulnerable and raw. i just find that i value these posts. people's experiences matter, even if their emotions about the experience reveal where they are in their journey. idk it seems like not everyone uses this site in this way
#internet diary archive#even if i don't agree or i notice unlearned bigotry in the expression of the experience.#that was still an experience that someone in a community had#i think i started being able to do this when i learned how to set boundaries in an adult way#someone else's racism can't infect me like a virus. and a limited tolerance for bias can at times help me teach others#and when i am not in the position to teach others then refraining from reinforcing the bias in fact helps others move past their biases#so many tumblr users are obsessed with forcing another to change their mind. and that isn't like ethical or moral per se#it's not right to force it. in fact it's often harmful to try to rewrite someone's biases in a hostile setting#as much as it sucks we can only distribute information and preach kindness and refuse to interact with harmful individuals#we got stuck somewhere with the idea that it's necessary and possible to educate someone who is biased enough to not accept it#and that simply isn't the case and it is significantly more powerful to exclude harmful individuals until they demonstrate that they are#ready to learn and accept responsibility for their own harmful actions and commit themselves to learning respectful behavior#having a community external from abusive parties is so necessary and helpful and it means none of us have to wait until something changes#it's rly hard seeing transfems and intersex folks fighting because usually the hostile party is demonstrating white supremacist ideology#and that isn't unique to any specific group that's just that dogshit rhetoric that got propaganda'd into a brain. nobody is immune#but fascist and white supremacist ideology so often gets ignored in favor of calling out someone's identity. which does not help#i think large swaths of activists are trying to do good and they don't realize that by singling out a victim based on identity then they are#inhibiting and detracting from that person's ability to unlearn the bias they displayed which caused the attack on their identity#idk strawmanning or ad homeniming or no true scotsmaning basically negatively reinforces contact with peers who would otherwise be resources#if we really want to teach others using the tumblr method then we really just have to stop name calling and identity carding#but i suppose i am preaching this t the site which has new teenagers joining daily and which assumes the majority is correct unconditionally#.txt
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thekimspoblog · 2 months ago
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As someone who's never been able to draw for shit because my hands shake and I have no depth perception, I am never going to have empathy for people who want to gatekeep against AI.
"Let me just tell a computer my cool idea, and it can give me a rough sketch by smashing together preexisting assets from Google Images, but do so in a way more seamlessly than I could with hours of photoshop" is a technology I've wanted ever since I was a child. And the criticisms my mom pointed out when I originally said I wanted technology like this; she wasn't wrong. Artists (the talented ones at least) have unique vantage points, unique styles, and that gets lost in translation when all the emphasis is put on just photorealistically combining a checklist of elements.
But the thing is, I'm not an artist. I don't have a style unless you count tons of eraser marks as a style. Drawing makes my hands hurt. So if I want to share what I see in my head, it's this or nothing. According to the anti-ai crowd, it's better for the creative landscape if I just DON'T GET TO SHARE my ideas.
Or wait no, they want me to pay them $200 for mediocre work. When you put it that way, I can see why they would be mad that something cheaper and better exists. I can see why they would need to push the narrative that prompt-based art isn't "real" art, because that's the narrative in which I owe them something.
Well I ain't got $200, and you can just die mad. The future is here and this technology is dope. If you don't want to be obsolete, maybe do more to have a unique style. "AI art sucks and is soulless, and nobody could ever derive any genuine human emotion from looking at it" and "AI is so popular; it's choking out man-made creativity and teken' our jerbs!" are contradictory positions; you do hear how dumb you sound, right? Usually when something is treated as paradoxically weak and strong, that's a sign you've bought into a moral panic.
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weed-cat · 7 months ago
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😐😐😐
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verdantmeadows · 10 months ago
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Alt text is an accessibility tool for many people, primarily those who are blind or visually disabled. It is not appropriate to ever use it as a punchline for a joke to tell a joke. Doing so takes away its reliability and trustworthiness. There are people who are INCAPABLE OF SEEING AN IMAGE OR FULLY SEEING AN IMAGE OTHERWISE. Using alt text to tell jokes HURTS THESE PEOPLE.
This post has like 8,000 notes. I'm so disappointed in how many people think this okay, but even more sad that many people don't understand how this is harmful or what alt text is even for. Please don't propagate or encourage these jokes. You are misusing and actively harming an accessibility tool. If you didn't know that this is what it was for, now you do know! Please do your part and don't spread such things.
Personal edit: I'd like to clarify that if you didn't know this, I don't want you to feel attacked or anything like that. It's okay you didn't know, but now that you do, you can do your best moving on! I said I was sad because I'm a visually impaired person and it can be sad that people don't know these things. I would have phrased this post a bit more objectively if I had known people would see it! It was just meant to be a personal expression of my feelings. I made this post as a visually impaired person myself who uses a screenreader.
Informational edit: This is ableist/bad because it ruins the integrity of the tool and makes people misunderstand what alt text is for. If people do this, it makes people falsely learn what alt text is and use it for notes, captions, or jokes. Misusing alt text ruins the integrity of the tool because it makes it so one cannot consistently rely on alt text to be accurate. It is also ableist because alt text literally just tells someone what an image is/says, so if someone cannot see the image, they don't necessarily have a way of knowing that the alt text is inaccurate, or they might be able to tell that it's a joke/caption, but then still have no idea what the actual image is/says.
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i-starcreamed · 2 months ago
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Hi!, can I get some headcanons of transformers one character being jealous and the reader teases them.
D-16, Orion, Sentinel, Badassatron, and elita.
TF-ONE X READER
I tried to make this silly I'm feeling silly...enjoy
Post includes all of above :3
D-16
Tries to act unaffected by it, but doesn’t make a huge deal
Usually
He’s usually nice about it
Let’s say a bot is being really friendly with you, they’re making you laugh and everything. D sees from the distance, then comes up to you. Placing a servo against the small of your back-frame. “Heyy what’s so funny? I want to hear too :)”
He’s forcing a smile so bad.
He’s harmless, man, he trusts you completely
If another bot is for real flirting with you though, he's going to be so passive-aggressive
It’s more like he wants ur attention lol
If you teased him about it he’s going to deny it so hard
"What? No, no no.. I’m not jealous..pfft"
If you’re extra sweet maybe he’ll admit it
NOO y/n.. I’m funnier than them anyway.. I’m cooler too..
Orion
Don’t get jealous often either
He trusts you, he’s trustful of most bots
He gets jealous when you don't give him enough attention too
You’ll be talking to someone and he’ll just be in the background like,
“I’m..Y/N? Hey I..y/n? Uhm..I'm..right here..”
He’s so awkward, he doesn’t want to be rude to either of you but he’s lonely!!
If you tease him about looking sad when you’re not looking at him all the time, he’ll softly scoff.
"Well...yeah. They were flirting with you.."
sad puppy eyes
"Orion..they were asking me about Sentinels speech yesterday.."
"Oh...sorry."
eughhh
Sentinel
Oh boy
It’s a mix of irritation and jealousy
Why are you looking at someone else! When you can be looking at him!
He might be an attention seeker. He’ll just say things to catch your attention.
“Hey sweetspark, come look at my new paint job!” He calls you over as you're busy talking to someone else, he looks exactly the same btw
If you teased him I feel like he’ll take it way too seriously
“Jealous? What is there to be jealous of?? I’m literally Sentinel??”
But then his insecurity starts
“Wait…do you like talking to them more?”
evil sad puppy eyes
He'll only be content if you feed him compliments. Also erm..never talk to that bot again
#toxic
If he can’t demote the bot he was jealous of, he’ll try to one-up them, otherwise they are FIRED
After he gets over it he’ll be extra affectionate. You also get affectionate when you tease him so maybe it’s not so bad after all
insert makeout session
B-127
Badassatron
He’s definitely a bit attention and touch-starved after being stuck in low levels for who knows how many years
It’s only logical that he’s glued to your side for the rest of your life
If he’s jealous it’s very obvious. He tries to do something to get your attention or awkwardly stands there
Hey y/n look at this! - Does a backflip and falls
Tease him about it and he gets flustered
"Whattt? No, I’m not jealous!" He lets out a cocky laugh
“Ok maybe a little..”
Kiss his faceplate all over and he’s yours
He's definitely the least harmful
If he's jealous about a bot he particularly dislikes or they're flirting with you out and about, he might be more passive-aggressive about it
"Hey don't mean to intrude or anything, but uh, I'm kinda busy with my PARTNER. And by PARTNER I mean we're together. Yeah, uh huh! So, if you don't mind, my PARTNER and I are going to ignore you now. Since we're y'know..busy being together."
Elita
She’s smug about her jealousy, but only you could tell
“No, I’m not jealous. What makes you think that?”
Meanwhile, she’s giving the nastiest glare to the other bot.
“You really need to stop bringing their hopes up. Did you hear the way they were flirting with you?”
“Elita...they were just thanking me."
“Don’t even look at them actually"
If you tease her, she either denies it or is very proud
Like yeah she got a little jealous, she has such an amazing partner and anyone in their right mind would see that too.
Or no..she's definitely not jealous. She's just speaking her mind
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grison-in-space · 2 months ago
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from the number of asinine complaints about how "voting is NOT a form of harm reduction" because harm reduction is for ADDICTS! ONLY! I'm seeing around... all coming from OP blogs I don't recognize and which otherwise don't have much presence... well, that coordination alongside the timing of US politics sure feels like the Russian troll bots agitating again. (Yes, they absolutely infested Tumblr; I think @ms-demeanor had a great post about what the bots looked and felt like somewhere that I will have to try and track down tomorrow.)
The thing is, if you actually do know harm reduction well, the complaint makes no sense. It's not as if the origin of harm reduction is a secret or especially hard to find out more about. I am not exactly an expert in the field: I have a educated layperson's interest in public health and infectious disease, I'm a queer feminist of a certain age and therefore have a certain degree of familiarity with AIDS-driven safer sex campaigns, and I'm interested in disability history and self advocacy (and I would in fact clarify harm reduction as a philosophy under this umbrella). So I have about twenty years of experience with harm reduction as a philosophy basically by existing in communities whose history is intertwined with harm reduction, which means I know it well from many different angles, and I know how the story of the philosophy is generally taught.
See, this is a story that starts, as so many stories do, in the 1980s with something monstrous President Reagan was doing. In this case, it was the AIDS epidemic, and Reagan refusing to devote any money or time to what eventually became called AIDS (rather than the original GRIDS, which came with its own baked in homophobia). Knowing themselves abandoned by society in this as in all things, and watching as friends and loved ones died in droves, queers and addicts are two communities who see that they are the only resources that they collectively have to save each other's lives. Queers know that sex, even casual sex, is an important part of people's lives and culture... and people aren't going to stop doing it even if there's a disease, so how can it happen safely? Condoms. Condoms every time, freely available, easy and shameless, shower them on people in the street if you have to. (And other things: this is the origin of the concept of "fluid bonding", for example... both of which were concepts that were immediately adopted in response to COVID, like outdoor socially distsnced greetings and masks and "bubbles." That wasn't an accident. Normalizing sexual health tests and seeing hard results on paper before sex was a thing, too.)
Addicts, too, knew that using was going to happen no matter how earnestly people tried to stop. If it was that easy, addiction wouldn't exist. So: how do you make using safer for longer? If you could stop someone getting HIV before they could bring themselves to get clean, that's a whole life right there. If you could stop someone overdosing once, twice, a dozen times, that's more time you're buying them to claw themselves out of addiction and into a better place. Addicts see, right, needle sharing is getting the diseases spread, so cut down on needle sharing. Well, needles aren't easy to get hold of. Their supply is controlled because people who aren't prescribed needles are theoretically junkies, so taking the needles away makes it harder to use, right— and no one is complicit, and also you see fewer discarded needles lying around where they're unsanitary and unsafe, right? Except that people want to do a buddy a good turn, so they share if there's no other option, and they'll keep a needle going until it's literally too blunt to keep using if need be. So fighting needle sharing means making it easier to get needles to shoot up with: finding a place to discard used ones and get as many fresh ones as you need to use safely!
Making free needles available to junkies and free condoms for the bathhouses was not a popular solution with politicians, for perhaps obvious reasons. Nor was routine testing of the blood supply, because that cost money too. But these things work to stop the spread of disease. Thus the principle of harm reduction: policy interventions in response to communities that frequently engage in risky behavior should focus on whatever reduces aggregate harm by reducing the risk rather than by trying to reduce the behavior. The homos and junkies say look, all your societal judgement in the world hasn't stopped us being homos and junkies yet. You ain't going to look after us? We'll look after our own. And this is the form that takes. Not increasing the pressure to act like people who aren't is, but making it safer to be the people we are while we try to be the happiest versions of ourselves. Even if that means being morally complicit in a whole lot of casual sex and drug abuse.
The thing is, harm reduction is a philosophy rooted in the defiance of people who knew that their society thought they deserved to die painfully, young, invisible and alone. This is not the kind of thing that people come up with and get mad if you adapt it and share it, especially if you tell the story of where it came from. And importantly, harm reduction is not purely the child of addiction: that philosophy, from the get go, was cooked up to apply both to substance abuse and casual sex. It didn't just spread from addiction care; it was born straddling addiction care and queer & feminist health care.
So it doesn't make sense to see actual activists who know harm reduction well complaining that this is a term exhibiting semantic drift when we talk about voting as harm reduction. It's actually a good metaphor: you're reducing the overall risk of the worst case scenario metaphors by voting Democrat, at least until future votes can install a system where multiple parties can flourish on the political scheme. (Democrats and Republicans are essentially coalitions of a pack of arguing factions anyway, and those factions are essentially what would be classed elsewhere as a party in its own right; the US essentially just lumps political granularity rather than splitting it in our political system.) And anyone who understands harm reduction itself knows that.
So it's this wildly inorganic complaint being voiced repeatedly by different sources. Sounds like a pretty good flag for a potential psyop to me.
If you want to learn more about harm reduction and its history, especially from an addiction perspective, I cannot recommend Maia Szalavitz's Undoing Drugs: How Harm Reduction is Changing the Future of Drugs and Addiction (2022) highly enough. Szalavitz has a history of addiction of her own as well as being a clear and accessible writer with an excellent grasp of neuroscience and history. I have a lot of respect for her work.
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aashi-heartfilia · 1 year ago
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The hypocrisy of Jinshi and MaoMao
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*light novel spoilers*
I just love how hypocritical MaoMao's nature is. She yells at Jinshi for being a 'Masochist' and yet we see that she's no different. Now, by definition Masochist is a person who drives sexual gratification from their own pain and humiliation, plus it relates to Jinshi's tendency to do self harm (like burning his skin with a brand)
And what is MaoMao's most favourite thing in this world?
POISON
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She literally takes pleasure in consuming it and no one can convince me otherwise. Plus she uses dangerous plants and animals and snakes whatnot in the name of her so-called experiments. Her dad may call her a 'mad Scientist' but that is a direct indication of self harm.
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And she calls Jinshi a Masochist.
I mean, think about it! The amount of anxiety she gives to Jinshi! She came prepared with a vomit inducing medicine but even she had no idea whether it would work or not. She was just hoping it would work in the salt chapter.
And the same goes for her hand, on which she has conducted countless experiments. One flower even burned her skin and its marks never left her skin. She said it was all for her hobby. What kind of weird hobby is that? Maybe, our little adorable mad scientist is just like that.
One brands his own skin, while the other takes heavenly pleasure in consuming poison.
So my point is, Jinshi and MaoMao are not that different as one might think they are and that's why their dynamic works so well.
Let's look at the excerpts from volume 5:
She didn’t know how long they sat that way. All she knew was that Jinshi was looking down at her with a faintly triumphant expression, as if he saw that the breath had reached every corner of her body now. He wiped away the tears that had sprung to her eyes as she struggled to breathe. It was then that Maomao felt a flash of intense anger. “I said that if you were going to kill me, you should do it with poison,” she told him. “I refuse to let you poison yourself,” Jinshi said, his fingers tracing her lips. “You can’t pretend you didn’t know that you were one of the candidates. As much as I’m sure you’d like to.” He wasn’t done, either: “Who was that man, anyway? I’m sure you’re not a dancer.” So he had been watching them! “I was just paying for my drink,” Maomao said. “It didn’t cost much.” She tried to look away, but with his hand on her head, she really couldn’t.
Jinshi just choked her and yet he refuses to let MaoMao poison herself. A lot of people misinterpret this scene, and don't like it all that much, saying it was just fanservice stuff but this is how I see it: Jinshi wasn't trying to kill MaoMao, he was just trying to make MaoMao submit to him for once (even if the way he did it was very wrong, but guess he's kinky like that). MaoMao is actively trying to harm herself and Jinshi loves MaoMao a lot, he cannot just let her kill herself.
It was more about him trying to exert his dominance in their weirdish - complicated relationship and that also backfires on him as we see in the next volume that MaoMao escapes Jinshi's grasps using Pairin's techniques.
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And then they both continue to avoid each other in the entire next volume! Because they both realised that they have crossed boundaries.
They both are hypocrites.
And they both refuse to accept their feelings.
In one of the later volumes, she gives Jinshi a piece of her mind on how he should tell her everything clearly, unequivocally, what he feels, and he literally declares that "he will make her his wife", which is nice and all but look at the wording MaoMao used here....
Excerpts from LN Vol 7, chapter 19 called "A man and a woman play the game"
"You’re forever telling me I need to use my words, Master Jinshi, but are you in any position to criticize? Everything you say to me, everything you do, it’s like it’s calculated to save you from ever having to actually say what you mean! To make me figure it all out! You know, you remind me of someone. You act exactly like a man who used to come by our brothel all the time. He was in love with one of the girls, but he would never just come out and say it. He thought it should be obvious from the way he acted. He was so sure he had a good thing going with this woman that he never sent her so much as a letter. I remember how forlorn he looked when someone else swooped in and snatched her away! He kept coming to the brothel after that—to get drunk and whine to the ladies. Well, in my opinion, he could have avoided all that heartbreak if he’d told the woman how he felt. Clearly, unequivocally, so that she knew where they stood. It was the least he could have done!”
Everything came out in a torrent. She felt like she’d said it all in one breath. It was strange, she thought, to hear so many words come out of her own mouth. She was mystified. Jinshi was no less startled, but the shock soon left his face, replaced by something else. He got up off the bed and stared down at Maomao.
Shit. Now I’ve done it. She’d given him a piece of her mind, and he was about to give her one back.
“So I should be clear, should I? Unequivocal? I should say what I mean? If I did, would you actually listen to me? Is that what you’re telling me? I’m going to hold you to that! Right this minute. I’ll say it all. Don’t plug your ears—listen to me!” He grabbed her hands as she was in the process of trying to put her fingers in her ears. He took a breath. He was looking at Maomao, but somehow he seemed almost embarrassed. Finally he managed, “Now listen to me, y—I mean, Maomao! Listen close! I am going to make you my wife!”
It's one heck of a chapter and I suggest you give it a go! The title of the chapter says "A man and a woman play the game" as if to emphasize the very fact that both Jinshi and MaoMao are playing the game.
Jinshi has never confessed his true feelings before this chapter and only implied that he wanted to make MaoMao his wife.
The implications were heavy though on Jinshi's part, and as smart as MaoMao is, anyone would have guessed that MaoMao was one of the candidates for Jinshi's consort. Even the clothes she received (the ones she wore to the banquet) were also provided by Jinshi along with the hairpin. It is never stated outright but seeing as the hairpin was from Jinshi, the clothes are also implied to be the same.
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More or less she's always deliberately ignoring the possibility of having anything to do with him, that is more than professional. Some may call it denial, I call it dense. Maybe, to some extent, she herself is not aware of her feelings because she never lets herself feel anything.
Even Suiren pointed it out pretty early in the manga, that maybe it's MaoMao's way of being reserved. We need to keep in mind that MaoMao is an unreliable narrator and it's more of what she does, rather than what she says that makes a difference.
Even in the chapter that I have quoted above, she had every reason to leave Jinshi, she wasn't working for him after all. But she stayed to make tea for him, even after the fact that she had a long day too. She was almost just as exhausted as Jinshi and yet she was there preparing medicinal tea, so that he could get a better sleep.
Maybe she herself is yet to realise just how deep her feelings run. Till vol 12 she seems to have accepted them, but she still is yet to acknowledge their depth. Maybe it's because of her childhood.
It's not a traumatic backstory but MaoMao had a sad childhood nonetheless....
She was raised by her grand uncle and her real father was eccentric, who scared her. Her mother must also appear to be kind of demonic to her, since she was desperate enough to cut MaoMao's Pinky finger and send it to Lahan. So it's safe to say that MaoMao never received proper parental affection. And adding to the fact that, a brothel is not exactly an ideal place for raising a child.... especially when the birth of MaoMao was the one thing that brought the brothel to its knees...even if being born wasn't her choice.
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Plus MaoMao stated it herself that when she was a baby, no one would come to sooth her until their work was finished, implying that even if MaoMao and her brothel sisters are close, they are not that close. A mother's love is different and she never received it. No one can love you more than your mother and MaoMao was deprived of that. She soon realised that no one was coming. Life is hard and she has no choice but to face it!
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So, she got interested in poison.
Maybe she doesn't love herself or her life as much as she says / pretends she does. She's always like "yeah, I would very much like my head to be with my body" and "if I stay low profile maybe I can survive here" etc but maybe deep down that's not the case. Maybe that's why she loves poison so much. The implications are crazy.
And to break MaoMao's shell, Jinshi has no choice but to be a bit more forceful at times? At least that's how I interpret that choking scene. Jinshi was angry at MaoMao because she deliberately suggested him to marry consort Rishu and danced with Rikuson.
Even if Jinshi never said it outright, he was giving hints the entire time.
But well the tables turned and MaoMao topped him instead, lol (vol 7) and later we even see that our little stray cat has accepted Jinshi and she's ready to be in a relationship with him (vol 12).
Plus she is intrigued by the process of birth (she wants to eat her baby's placenta, it's kind of uggghhh.... but anyways, that MaoMao we're talking about, she's just weird that way)
Maybe not after too long she'll realise that if she has to give birth, she can only have it with Jinshi and no one else.
~Sunshine
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