#but i don't have much experience as an artist so

[svetamillss]

NSFW alphabet with them🫦

Featuring: Park Gyeong Seok x Reader(f), Nam Gyu x Reader(f)

A/N: By popular demand, I wrote an alphabet with them. I hope you like it!

🫦🫦🫦

Park Gyeong Seok

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

A man immediately helps you clean up all the mess, helps you get to the bathroom, where you may take a joint shower. After all, you either talk for a long time or fall asleep in each other's arms.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

He loves your tits. He likes to suck your nipples, leave his marks on your tits, spank them, and basically he likes how your breasts fit perfectlyin his palms.

In himself, he loves his pumped up body: hands, abs. Because he sees you drooling when you see him without a T-shirt.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He cums most often in you (you want more children, except Na Yeon), he also likes to cum on your tits or in your mouth (in your mouth with your consent).

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He has long dreamed of painting with his paints on your naked body, and then have sex with you.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

He is twenty years older than you, he was married once, and he also has a daughter, so he was one hundred percent experienced.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary: this is an old classic for him. Cowgirl: he likes to see your tits jump to the rhythm of his pushes into your pussy.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's always serious during sex, so don't expect jokes from him (he also doesn't know how to joke too well).

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He is not used to watching the hair in the groin area, but he began to do it for you, although sometimes rarely, he just doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He is quite romantic, even at such moments. The man tries to shower you with all possible compliments.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He jerks off, but not very often. This happens when you can't have sex for quite a long time.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

You are in his clothes, outfits where your breasts are clearly visible when you call him "daddy"

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He prefers everything classic: a bedroom or a living room. Sometimes you can have sex in the shower.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Dirty talk, flirting, your requests that you really want to have sex.

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

Will never hurt you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

A man loves it when you give him a great blowjob and he also doesn't disdain to give you cunnilingus.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Gyeong can start slowly and finish quickly and roughly.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He doesn't like quick sex, he doesn't have time to enjoy you, so you don't do that.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Gyeong is also not a fan of different experiments, he likes everything in the classics.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He will definitely be able to withstand 4-5 rounds.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

No toys.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Sometimes a man can tease you, he likes to see how you are embarrassed by his vulgy words.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not to say that he’s too loud. Gyeong is something between loud and quiet, in addition to moaning, he can also growl and swear.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Since he is an artist, you make small dates at your home related to his work. You become his model and he draws a lot of candid pictures with your image, which only you two will see.

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

8 inches.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Not to say that the yearning is very high, rather above average.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If you don't talk about something, he falls asleep right away, making sure you're okay.

Nam Gyu

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

You either talk a little or fall asleep right away, because sex with him is quite exhausting.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

He loves your hips, because Gyu always kisses and bites them, he can also spank them. He also likes your tits, he likes to suck them like a little kid, he also loves it when you jerk him off with your tits.

He rather likes a dick in himself, because he thinks it's perfect for you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

It quickly enters the taste, so it cums wherever it wants: in your pussy, on your face, on your stomach, on your tits, in your mouth. Nam likes to watch you look with his sperm.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He wants to have threesome sex, where his best friend Thanos will be present, but he knows that you will be against it, but maybe someday he will offer.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

He had several girlfriends before you, so he is quite experienced, unlike you.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary: the guy loves to look at your face, and also to see how his dick is deep enough in you.

Cowgirl: he loves your tits and the way they jump.

Doggy style: Nam likes to slap your ass during sex and feel the main one.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's not very serious at such moments, he likes to joke or even talk.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He shaves and not only because of you, Gyu just doesn't like it when he has a lot of hair on his body.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

You were surprised when you saw that your boyfriend is romantic during sex, he likes to tell you various compliments and kiss you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Nam jerks off almost every day, he relieves his stress after a hard day, but then he will definitely take care of you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

The way you call him "daddy" when you're in the form of a sexy kitty, his clothes on you, light suffocation and slight humiliation.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He doesn't care where to have sex, he can fuck you in the bedroom, in the shower, in his car, in the cubicle of the public toilet.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Dirty talk, the way you meow for him, kisses on his neck, if you undress in front of him.

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

He will never hurt you or do what you don't like.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He likes both cunnilingus and how you give him a blowjob.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He is usually fast and rude, but if you ask him, he can be slower.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He has nothing against quick sex, you do it when you need to quickly relieve stress, but not very often.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He's a risky guy and ready for various experiments, but the main thing is that you agree.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can easily withstand 5 rounds.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He can use various toys such as cat ears, collar, cat tail, whips and various vibrators, but only with your consent.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Gyu can't do without flirting, so you're used to his vulgy statements in your direction.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's quite loud, it's high for him to know when the neighbors hear you fucking.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

In the evening you got into a traffic jam that went on for quite a long time, he was very bored and the guy decided to have fun. And you were wearing a light summer dress. The guy began to caress your pussy with his fingers, through the fabric of your panties, and when he saw that you wanted more, he began to fuck you with his fingers.

But Gyu became cramped in his pants and he came up with another plan.

- Kitten, are you riding your daddy while he's driving? - he said in a purring voice, you were very excited.

He had tinted windows, so no one will see you. He slightly moved the seat away so that you could sit comfortably after you took off your panties and pulled down the underwear with Gyu (he helped you with this). You sat down with a loud moan on his dick, starting to move quickly. Nam slapped you on the ass with one hand, and held the steering wheel with the other.

- Fuck, I love evening traffic jams so much. - he says, before moaning loudly again.

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

7 inches.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

High, even very high!

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Gyu falls asleep almost immediately, hugging you at the same time.

🫦🫦🫦

[kangaracha]

QUEENMAKER | CHAPTER 24

---

pairing chan x reader

genre ninth member au, angst, fluff, coming of age, social media, cancel culture, anxiety, depression, forbidden love,

summary To JYPE, the solution is simple; take the sole trainee that will not debut with your brand new girl group, and use her to replace the missing vocalist in your male group that insisted on starting as nine.

Unfortunately, to the fans and the members themselves, it isn't that simple.

status ongoing

taglist OPEN

a/n hi. it's me. i'm back. i don't have any excuses to make.

please also check out daybreak, posting weekly from now on (yes i did write an entire smau instead of queenmaker and sit on it for almost six months)

previous | masterlist | next

---

Comeback approaches like a hurricane; it's there, developing in the corner of your eye just off the coast of your island, and then all at once it is here, and it is so all-encompassing that you're not even sure where here is anymore.

Comeback. Debut. The most important day of your life. One of those.

 Time starts to fly by; schedules and practice and filming and every so often the chance to sleep or to grab something to eat with the others. It drags at your coattails, sticks itself to your feet and settles like a weight upon your shoulders, but you can't stop. There are performances to film, and then there is a concert that you are missing so much of the choreography for, and even when all of that is over, you are headfirst into award season and special performances and group activities for the company and-

First, debut. Second, everything else.

The camera sits on the table in front of you, staring with one dark, unblinking eye as a brush darts across your face, erasing all your imperfections. It fills your stomach with a funny kind of fear, small but poisonous, stinging when you think about turning it on - you've managed to put it off so far, waiting until your face was made up to at least avoid having to see your own naked skin reflected back at you in the viewfinder. No one else wanted to see that either, you're sure, after the things you've read and...well, the experiences you've had in the past. It's good to know your limits, after all.

That excuse is fast running out now though, and the time to go up towards the stage is drawing closer with alarming speed, and if you don't capture any footage before that happens, you're in some real trouble, no matter how loudly Seungmin and Felix are churning out hours worth of content on the other side of the room.

It takes real, deliberate effort to lean forward and turn that camera on once the makeup artist proclaims you ready, your hands delaying still as they fiddle with the angle and the focus, following the motions the manager that had handed it to you had shown you before he left. It gives you a little red light to say it is filming, and you swallow down the stone in your throat and sit up straight, looking around at the room to avoid the stare of its lense.

The first minute of your vlog is very boring. It's probably only the thought of some stranger sitting in a room later and watching you sit there awkwardly for a ridiculous amount of time that spurs you into saying anything at all. 

"Hello Stay," you begin, because it seems the only way to begin. The words feel awkward in your mouth, your tongue stiff and undeserving of saying them, and your throat scratches and dries; you think, as you speak, that you do not sound like a singer at all. "It's nice to meet you...for the second time." 

A noise rises up from behind you, giving you pause just as you run out of things to say - Han, running his voice up and down the scales as he begins to warm up. You've gotten used to that by now, the volume of the boys around you, but you're grateful for the excuse to pause in your self-rumination anyway, the precious seconds it gives you to figure out what it is you're saying.

Act normal, you tell yourself firmly as you turn back to the camera.

"I guess I should introduce myself, shouldn't I?" you say, your fingers twisting in your lap. "I'm L/N Y/N from Stray Kids, and today we're at [] for our first performance of Back Door, and I have just finished with the makeup..."

In the corner of the viewfinder, you notice a face hovering over your shoulder; Jeongin, waving a peace sign just out of your field of vision. You turn to look at him, shuffling over so that he is in full view for the camera. "What are you doing?" you ask and he leans in closer, automatically fixing the angle for the camera.

"I just wanted to see what you were doing," he says, refreshingly peaceful compared to the chaos that is building in the rest of the room. "Is this a vlog?"

"Mhm," you answer, and he smiles and waves again to the camera. "Are you dressed already?"

"Nearly," he says, glancing down at his white shirt and the black necklace that dangles around his neck. "You have time still."

You glance down at yourself; hoodie and cargo pants, neat but not show-ready by any means. "Mine is cold," you say by way of explanation, thinking of the skirt and thin shirt that wait on a rack in the next room, a far cry from the long pants the eight of them are wearing; and you really do like the look you've been given, but the thought of sitting around cold before you had to was less than enticing. "I was going to go and change in a minute."

"Maybe you should swap with someone," I.N suggests slyly. "I bet Changbin would look good in a skirt."

"Changbin's pants wouldn't fit me," you throw back, and he has to turn away from the camera to hide the ugly laugh that snorts from his nose. "He's too-"

Short, you don't say, your eyes tracking the boy in question as he passes by. He pauses in the back of your video when he notices your eyes on him, looks between you suspiciously, and then dances his way out of frame, having decided, you guess, that you aren't up to anything worthy of comment.

The look you share with I.N almost makes you laugh again. "I'm going," you say, scooping up your camera as you stand, "before he realises we're talking about him."

---

"Why do you look nervous?" Chan asks, a shadow that suddenly stands beside you as someone clips a mic pack onto his belt. You eye him in disbelief to avoid turning to look at the hallway that leads to the stage again, trying to figure out if he's joking or not.

"I can be nervous if I want to," you answer after a few seconds, in a way that definitely doesn't hide how anxious you feel at all. 

"But you shouldn't be," he insists, "because there's nothing to be nervous about."

"You know that won't stop me," you scoff.

He cracks a smile despite himself. He almost laughs, except that he's busy turning to nod in acknowledgement of whatever the assistant behind him says on her way past. "It's going to be a good performance," he says, like the simple act of saying it is enough to manifest it into existance, like he would never believe otherwise.

"It's going to be good," you agree readily. "The concerts next week are going to be good too."

That smile flashes across his face again, his eyes lighting up. "You're excited?" he asks - and you almost feel guilty, that he would think that you wouldn't be excited, that you've worked so hard and put on such a stoic face that any of them might start to think this is a chore for you, rather than a dream coming true in front of your eyes.

"Of course I'm excited," you tell him emphatically, before he can get any ideas. "I can't wait to-"

"Y/N noona!" Changbin says as he strides across the room, stopping the thought halfway through. You turn to face him and the phone he waggles in his hand questioningly. "Take a photo with me."

"Right now?" you ask, looping your in-ears over your shoulders as if to demonstrate just how poor his timing is.

Changbin doesn't notice at all. "Why not now?" he questions. "I'm supposed to take a photo for instagram. Come and take one with me."

Beside you, Chan looks like he still has something to say, but when you glance at him, he only shrugs, turning away to fiddle with his own equipment. "Alright," you agree easily and follow Changbin, over to a bland enough piece of wall with decent lighting. You have a feeling someone has already scouted the room earlier for the best places to take photos, judging by how easy it is to find and how well it photographs.

It's a good distraction from the nerves for a few minutes, but it doesn't last much longer than that; especially not when Changbin barks and fusses over the angle and the faces, and then Hyunjin comes wandering over to take the camera out of his hand, and you realise that he's occupying you as much as doing what Skijigi have asked him to do. After that, you laugh and poke fun back at him with just the same vivacity, but it does nothing to assauge the anxiety that's planted deep in your gut, roots curling out to envelop you.

Somehow, when you're done, it is time to go up to the stage - and suddenly, you are engulfed within the group and walking that hallway you had been staring at what feels like moments ago, trying to swallow with a dry mouth and a stone in your throat and wondering if you'll actually be able to get any of the notes out at all.

Chan's hand touches your shoulder as you walk, appearing by your side in just the same way as he had earlier. You wonder if he can smell fear or something; or if you really are just that pale and drawn in the face, if your hands are shaking or something. Whatever it is, you're clearly not doing a very good job of hiding it. 

"You still look nervous," he tells you cheerily, and if he's aware that he's reading your thoughts, he doesn't give any indication of it, not even as he pulls you aside as you reach side-stage and glances up at the huddle of boys that continue to the bottom of the stairs, eyeing them as if there's something he doesn't want them to hear.

"I got you something," he says, when he's sure there are no eavesdroppers, and lets his lips curve in a secretive, delighted smile.

Your eyebrow raises in surprise, almost certain that he did not forget, but rather has been looking for the right time to bring it up - but he doesn't notice the look of disbelief, fishing a small, velvet bag out of his pocket. He offers it to you on an outstretched palm, a bridge to form the gap between you.

With timid, shaking fingers you take it, noting the pink that stains his cheeks and the way he cringes away from meeting your eye as you pull the drawstrings loose. "I saw you playing with the ones at K-Con," he hurries to explain before you can even see what's inside. "And you - fidget a lot. I thought it might help."

A ring tumbles out of the bag and into your palm, the full stop to the end of his sentence. It's only a plain silver band, softly curved at the edges and gleaming where the light hits it - nothing ostentatious or gaudy. Just a simple band for you to twist around your finger, the letters SKZ engraved on its inner circle.

"Thankyou," you manage to say as you slip it onto your finger - and then fiddle with it, twisting it and forth to distract yourself from the nervous hum that seems to hang in the air between you.

"Oh, no." He waves you away before you can even get the words out, that pink flushing his face. "Look, it works already." 

You glance down at your fingers and the twist of the ring, and feel the grin that bites at your face. "I like it," you admit, and try to breathe the nervous jitters out of your chest with the words. 

He looks...relieved? You're not sure, when the music blasts on stage and then cuts off and the crowd roars in response, cutting him off before he can say whatever it is that now lines the back of his teeth. It looks like relief on his face though; as if he'd been worried you wouldn't take the gift or something. Wouldn't see the sentiment behind it even if you didn't like it. What does he think of you, if that's how he thinks you might react?

The thought sends another thrill of fear down your spine, one that the scrape of that ring on your finger can't quiet. So does the scream of that crowd - adrenaline rises from your chest, wrapping its hands around your throat; that wild, senseless energy tensing in your body like you're about to run from a fight-

A hand claps your shoulder. "Are you breathing?" Seungmin asks, balancing on one foot as he leans around you to frown at your face.

You have to inhale to retort, and he smirks. "That's what I was wondering," Chan says behind that grin - but the brush of his hand over the back of yours is much softer; questioning, rather than the jolt of contact from Seungmin.

"I don't need to breathe," you throw at them weakly. "I'm a robot."

"How do I turn you off, then?" Chan asks, and then laughs when you stare at him, surprised. Betrayed, maybe, when you would have expected such a thing to come out of Seungmin's mouth rather than his.

You're distracted by the call of a staff member, waiting to usher you onto the stage - and there, again, are your nerves, returned in two-fold. Debut, you remember again for the thousandth time today. Your dream. Your reward. Your life's work, the only work you've ever learnt how to do.

The group huddle together, say some quick words of encouragement that float past you with registering at all. Your hand is warm in the centre of all of theirs, crushed by the weight of someone's palm as eight hands go down and whoever is on the bottom goes up, ruining the whole thing. You know that you laugh, between the groans and cries of retribution, but it doesn't reach right into your chest. All your attention is laser-focused on the steps before you and the buzz of the crowd waiting beyond.

You are not alone in your daze, at least. Many hands pat your shoulders, smooth your hair. Felix throws an arm around you until you reach the stairs, a one-armed hug while he talks about something in your ear. He lets you go while you climb, and follows on your heels out onto the stage.

The crowd is smaller than K-Con, to your mercy, even if they scream and cheer just as loud as that massive crowd had. It seems like a stupid thing to find comfort in a moment later, when the thought hits you again; of course the crowd is smaller. This is only a broadcast recording, not the concerts that leer at your from the near future.

Some of the boys are already at the centre of the stage, waving and talking to fans. You join them long enough for the official greeting - and then melt away into the background when Changbin immediately commands attention. You find Han there with you, arms swinging by his sides in one last warmup, but you can't think of anything to say other than the tight grin that offers itself to him, no doubt writing all you nerves right onto your face. The smile he gives you in return is sympathetic, and devoid of pretty words to go with it; just a flash of teeth, a puff of air that blows into his cheeks before exhaling. It's a little comfort, at least.

The call to begin shatters any calm it pulls over you just as quickly as it arrives though, the stage a hive of activity as everyone finds their places. For a long moment, no one moves and nothing plays, the tense, still seconds ticking by at an excruciating pace-

And then the music starts.

And then you dance.

And then you sing, loud and clear and bright - and steady, even with the complex movement of your body and the increasing cry of your chest for air. 

The finale rises and culminates with Felix's voice, standing at the end of the line behind you. You feel his weight bump against you as he shifts on his feet, hear the moment of silence and then the renewed cheer of the crowd when his ending fairy comes up on the screens. You can't see when it ends, so you count to five before you turn, ducking out of the line as requested and immediately finding the red light of the camera that was told to be waiting for you. Finger hearts, Felix had suggested backstage and Hyunjin had agreed, and so that is what you give them, angled just so by your cheek and the giddy smile that had been pulling on your lips before the music was even finished.

The stage goes silent, the few scattered beginnings of applause quickly throttled by the hands that remain in their laps. The seconds tick by at a glacial pace, the smile threatening to slip from your face. You glue it there with all the fire that remains in your veins.

You could swear the camera lingers, just to drink in your pain. Logically, you know it is the same time as Felix had. Somehow, the thought isn't comforting.

Finally, that lense clicks off and the boys move around you, giving the crowd something else to hawk and squeal at. Something they really want to see, you allow yourself to think acerbically, and carefully avoid looking any of them in the eye as you do your forced, casual wander off the stage. It is hard enough to achieve in your own bubble, to resist that urge to run, let alone if you catch anything like sympathy on their faces.

The first one below, you take one look at the playback monitor and excuse yourself to the staff, fleeing towards the bathrooms. You're dimly aware of footsteps behind you and the sound of your name, but they do not process and your feet won't stop - not until the heavy door slams shut behind you and the propel of your walk carries you in sight of the mirror over the sinks-

Beautiful, you'd dared to think earlier, staring vindictively at just the same image that looks back at you now. The careful fit of the navy shirt, the short skirt flattering the length and lines of your legs, the layered bangles and the diamonds that glitter around your neck...perfectly crafted to slip right in amongst the silk and patterns of the boys - and not unlike Midnight's dark queen concept either, the concept you hadn't had the right look for. You'd even liked your face, and the unearthly glow they'd painted into your cheeks, the perfect frame of your dark hair-

But something had displeased that crowd. Whether the look, or the dancing, or stupid, stubborn pettiness over girlish crushes - or all of it put together. It took a lot to silence an entire crowd. You knew that - you'd seen one refuse to be silenced before, but never nominally refuse to cheer. Never pass the sentiment around and come to an absolute mutual agreement.

It's a talent, to be able to do that by yourself, you think as you stare into your own eyes in the mirror; and you don't have it in you to deny the rush of feelings that wells in your chest this time, or the hot prick of tears in your eyes. Your thoughts are swept off in the storm, the questions clamouring, crying, begging for one answer; why, why, why, why. Why do they hate you, why are they so mean about it, why didn't you just go home? Why did you ever come to this country in the first place? Why id you think you were good enough to be worth their love?

A soft knock on the door precedes the tentative entry of an assistant; one of the girls from JYP that always travels with you on schedules. You know her name, but you should know her better; instead, you've just been keeping to yourself. Another point of failure, probably.

"Y/N?" she says, daring to put one foot through the door as you blink and nod in acknowledgement. "Sorry - we need to start heading back now. You can have another moment - if you need-"

"I'm coming," you hurry to say; and it is shame that colours your cheeks and gives you the strength again to swallow it down like a hard stone. The tears burn as you blink them away, as you stare at the mirror and decide that no more will fall except for the traitorous three that have already escaped. You'll have to go back on that stage - you won't go red-eyed and puffy, won't give them that satisfaction.

You'll have to do that ending again too, though. Weather that storm a second time. Well, you'll just have to make sure this take is perfect, and then no one will ask for a third. You'll be able to go home and hide.

Your moment is up. You know that, and so you turn yourself away from the mirror, to the girl that waits. She willingly averts her eyes as she steps out, holding the door for you until you grip the edge of it with your own hand and follow her.

Chan is waiting in the hallway, leaning against the wall and staring at nothing as he waits. There's a dark anger in his eyes when he turns, but it isn't for you - no, the tissue box in his hand is for you, offered like a bridge that spans the gap between you. 

Warily, you draw one and turn aside to dab at your eyes and try to cool the burn in your cheeks. You want to cringe away from yourself and hide in the bathroom again, to put off facing him until he goes away - but if you do that, he'll know you're hiding, and the hovering assistant will bear the blame of not bringing you back, and those fans will think they know why it's taking so long-

Stupid. They already know that they've won. Chan can see you crying. There's no one left to make a fool of except yourself.

"Are you alright?" Chan asks - and just like you thought, there is none of that anger in the gentle voice that asks.

"It's fine," you answer, biting at your tongue agains the tears that threaten to stir anew. "Sorry. I just needed - a moment. I'm ready to go again."

"Take another moment," he tells you.

"I'd rather go," you say, and it comes out harsher than you mean it to - but it is only the tears that you are fighting, that horrible, gut-wrenching wave of emotion that wants to wash over you. "I'm fine. Really."

The tissue crushes in your palm. You wonder if the sceptical look he gives you is because of the makeup you've surely smudged, or if he just doesn't believe you. "Are you sure?" he asks, and you steel yourself as you breathe in.

"I will be if we don't talk about it," you tell him tightly, and then you take the lead before he can disagree. He falls into step willingly anyway, thoughtful or maybe brooding as you weave your way back to the stage.

"We're not doing the endings again," he tells you as you approach, right as the flock of makeup artists engulf you. Like they knew you'd be crying, you think acerbically, and then banish the thought before it can unbalance you again.

"Were there any notes for me?" you ask as a brush dusts your cheek. The dancing; that's the only thing you need to focus on. The performance. Do it perfectly, and you can escape. Subconsciously, you fingers find the ring, twisting it around and around.

"Not for you," Chan says. "Just try to enjoy it again, yeah?"

Several choice comments come to mind as you gaze at him, each one as dry and hurt as the last, but a look at the occupants of the room stills your tongue. Assistants and stylists and employees of the show - people that you shouldn't be caught speaking ill of fans or members in front of. You've read your contracts and the company ethics, seen the bill for your training attached to your name. You know how far fans and a good public image takes even the most insidious people.

"I'll try," you promise instead, firmly holding your tongue to your principals. No point complaining about hardships anyway. This isn't an industry that takes pity on those who are too weak to survive it.

Even so, the answer seems vapid and contrived the moment it spills out of your mouth. Chan doesn't have time to contest it; the others are already returning to the stage to entertain that undeserving crowd, and so you must follow too, side by side in silence. His microphone passes restlessly from hand to hand, even when you step on stage and his brow smoothes out. You wonder how long that rage will simmer beneath his skin.

Until he can do something about it, a little voice whispers to you with a thrill, watching his receding back.

The stage sweeps you away after that, Chan disappearing into the midst of the others with just one last glance over his shoulder to make sure that you're following. Seungmin replaces him, appearing unobtrusively in your shadow as Felix slings an arm back around your shoulders and bats his hand away from messing with your hair. They flank you until you drift into your position, and then the stage goes quiet so that the music can start again. 

The dance flies by; chorus, verse, bridge, dance break. The fans cheer and chant along as dutifully as they had the first time, but the sound resonates hollow in your chest this time, the faces that you give the camera manufactured rather than brought on by the music. It's hard to forget, now that you know the truth, that those cheers aren't for you; only the boys that surround you, their bodies moving in unison with yours. Part of them, and yet set apart. 

You'd come six years ago expecting to be the jewel in that kind of crown, you think. This crowd has made you the flaw, ugly and unmistakably out of place.

It's a relief when the song ends and you can let go, your shoulders slumping and your chin dropping to your chest as you stare at the floor and try to breathe. A hundred emotions sweep by you, there and then swallowed again by the storm that churns in your stomach; you flinch away from the crowd's laughter at something Han does, and then laugh when Changbin's face appears upside-down in your field of vision, his body contorted strangely in an effort to meet your eyes. There's still something hiding in Chan's eyes and Felix is openly angry, but Minho gives nothing away in the nod he gives you as he passes by. Changbin talks about what to get for dinner on the way back down the stairs, but the words just wash over you; you're not hungry anyway, after all of this, just hollow and restless and tired.

Your third filming trudges by much the same, correcting a small mistake by Han in the pursuit of perfection. The boy looks apologetic as he passes you by, but it's not him or the dancing that you resent. It's just a thing you have to do, until all nine of you are pleased, until you can finally leave that stage and draw the hoodie you'd worn here on a very different kind of morning back over your head and climb into a car to go home.

You don't win any awards. The boys hide their disappointment, but you know it is there. You know, too, where the fan vote went and why that trophy was stolen away from them. 

You're not really sure what anyone expects you to do about it.

---

TAGLIST

@kokinu09 @rainfallingfromthesky @lixie-phoria @mysweethannie @chlodavids

@hanniemylovelyquokka @tfshouldidohere @lauraliisa @puppysmileseungmin @kalopsian-thoughts

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@d-chagi @lynlyndoll @borahae-reads @ihrtlix @yienmarkk

@minhwa @i2innie @jinnie-ret @conwunder @amesification

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@keepswingin

[askagamedev]

A follow up to your answer about veilguard (was really hoping you would touch on that one). Why do game companies that have a “bad” release always seem to start from the bottom of the pyramid when it comes to restructuring and recouping losses? Why fire low level devs who did their best with what they had, when the companies have people in senior positions making hundreds of thousands of dollars (if not more) that they could just cut from? Why do the trenches always get the punishment first?

The short answer is because shit rolls downhill. For a longer and more nuanced answer, there's multiple factors to consider.

The main issue is that the company is trying to cut costs immediately. This is usually for two major reasons:

Reassure investors to keep them from dumping the stock and driving down the company's value

Save as much money as they can from their current stockpile for other projects still in development.

If the company goes under because it can't make payroll company-wide, everybody is doomed regardless. A gecko will sacrifice its tail in order to escape with its life. A crab will tear its own claw off to survive. A company will always cut staff to keep itself afloat.

The next factor is that each major experience level up a dev attains tends to be a geometric difference in productivity. [A large task that would take a junior dev two months to complete might take a mid-level dev one month and a senior dev only a week or two]. This is why senior devs are entrusted with the bigger and more critical tasks. Further, the typical quality of work that a senior dev produces is much higher than what you'd get from a mid-level or a junior. I'm a senior dev and I cost the team a large amount of money to keep, but paying for just me is still significantly cheaper than paying a pair of mid-level designers or three/four juniors.

The next factor is that most big layoffs come after a project has shipped. This is because a given project is at its maximum headcount right before it ships - you need all hands on deck during full production, building and validating all of the content in the game. There needs to be other projects in development to pay for those people after the game launches. If the game launches well, a significant portion of the team can stay on to do post-launch content and the others can join in-progress projects at the studio or at other studios owned by the publisher. In the case of a bad launch the post-launch content gets cancelled because there just aren't enough players to make building the post-launch content financially viable and the people who were supposed to build it have no new project to pay for their salaries.

There's also the factor of how projects have different needs at different times. You always need a core team to get a project off the ground - engineering who can put together the foundations of the game, design that can prototype and build core gameplay, art that can establish a new visual standard for a new game. But you likely don't need an army of designers to build content for a game that doesn't have any core gameplay yet, gameplay engineers to flesh out systems that haven't been designed yet, artists to model and skin characters that haven't been concepted yet, or QA to test content that hasn't been built yet. You need those folks when you're in production and all of the groundwork has been laid.

These are the nominal reasons why job cuts always start from the bottom - the juniors and mid-levels have the least to do when a game gets cancelled or a bad launch happens and the cost to keep them all adds up significantly. The fact that it also shields decisionmakers and middle managers is, of course, also in there. This is also why I never offer or expect loyalty to or from an employer, especially a large publicly-traded one. They will never sacrifice their own survival (or even advantage) to keep me, so I should never expect more than a business relationship from them that could end at any time.

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[fadelbison]

#A READ#but a deeply loving one - @chicademartinica

oh man it is SO deeply loving what can I say about it?

bad shows and mediocre shows and boring shows are necessary for the artistic process. the truth is that sometimes Jojo Tichakorn will make a boring show. bless Never Let Me Go but I don't remember a single thing about that show other than Pond and Phuwin sat on the beach soulfully looking out at the sea in sepia adjacent coloring. But that was simply his artistic impulse. there's no THK without only friends without NLMG. And in that VERY same interview from TWO years ago Jojo revealed that Ninew originally wanted Only Friends to be set in an acting class while Jojo pushed it to Business. and now??? Ninew gets to direct Only Friends: Dream On. HIS vision of only friends. It's mind boggling, for a queer person to live such a sweet life, training under a mentor, working towards and achieving their dreams I just dgaf if it's horrible I love OF: Dream On with all my being already.

I don't know if P'Golf will ever construct a story where they don't pretend that the villain is not the villain? Like they build such compelling narratives of conflict and intimacy and the intimacy to be found within conflict and then completely forget to set up the motivations of their antagonists (RIP Thua and Ter plywood beams supporting so much of the narrative's weight) but like I really dgaf the person who submitted Thailand's marriage equality bill, an act that changed the course of history can do whatever the fuck they want lol

I mean many such cases?? I didn't watch Last Twilight despite Aof being one of my favorite directors period is because I knew his protagonists tend to follow lakorn logic, he did it in ATOTS, DBK, MLC and even in Bad Buddy (random shooting my beloved <3), like idk if it's the shared enthusiasm for RPF or traditional asian narratives but I feel this man's vision on an atomic level and I knew from the trailer how that show was going to end and I didn't watch it because I know his artistic limitations. But then it suddenly became about how GMMTV hates disabled people. Like??? Not only did Aof Noppharnach present such a beautifully compelling and deeply celebratory representation of queer disability in MLC he named his queer disabled character Heart idk how to explain the shock I felt when faced with people's short term memory regarding this.

I'm not surprised that Nuchy is the one directing Burnout Syndrome, a three-way entanglement with gun atthaphan as the centerpoint. The exclusion of GramBlack, outside of its social reactions and implications, was a significant failing of her narrative. Gram was in fact in love with Black, that's what how it was in the original story from which Not Me was adapted and that's how it was in the show. To change who a character is in love with is changing the whole character which she simply hadn't done but she compromised her art against social pressures and like I don't have proof but im not surprised that the keys to Gun's Off Jumpol chastity belt was handed to Nuchy.

it's incredible, make your shitty pots my dears I'm here to witness it. we are nowhere near the peak for any of these people. Hayao Miyazaki was 47 when he directed My Neighbor Totoro. Jojo is only 40 years old that's a baby in artist years. They are pioneers in an entirely toddler of a genre, they have countless more life experience to collect and tonnes more stories to tell imperfectly and I am simply so happy to be here. I like to acknowledge GMMTVs hand in creating this reality.

I think one of the most incredible things about gmmtvs artistic direction *is* their dedication towards the commonplace the steady the familiar. Not only do they make boring gay shows (in addition to the exciting and interesting imo) but they do it consistently every single year. Every single year they make terrible shows and boring shows; shows you can put on in the background and promptly fall asleep during shows that I consistently forget exists or even aired (in addition to the great!).

Will P’Golf ever stick the landing in their shows? idk but they certainly will be directing till we find out 😂 Is New Siwaj on some quest to turn his low stakes college anthology style into like a degrassi or skins-esque staple? idk gonna find out during gmmtv2026. Which formative media for Jojo is going to become his next aesthetic centerpoint? Idk but we gonna find out. Will Aof Nopparnach ever stop directing like he wished he was making lakorns instead? maybe if it’s RPF but idk we gotta find out.

Like??? I am following pioneer creators on their creative journey *as* they’re taking it. I’m watching them fumble and pirouette as they sculpt their pieces; flaws and all.

man what an incredible place for queer media to be and what good luck to be experiencing it when I am

[orriculum]

Do you miss being a witchcraft blog?

Sometimes.

It was weirdly a lot of work. I put so much goddamn effort into it. And at first it was worth it. The community, the friends. There's some good memories there.

At some points I felt like an unpaid librarian. People constantly just dropped requests for spells and I was constantly going through my archive for them. People I would never hear from again, it was all so transactional.

I didn't enjoy the harassment from people who thought cutesy witchcraft was cringe and thought it was cool to reblog my selfies and make shitty comments about my weight. I know you're supposed to act like that shit just bounces off but it sucked. Not to mention lot of people came to me with their problems -- huge problems, like divorce, money issues, addiction, and I was like 19? I had no life experience to offer real advice. People mostly just wanted a place to vent I think, and they poured all their grief into my inbox. I did a lot of listening and offering sympathies, I don't know if it ever helped. I still wonder about some of them.

A lot of good things came from it overall though. I found some confidence and experience in self publishing. Small business type skills that helped me when I did the freelance artist thing.

I'm having fun with what I'm doing now, writing the stupidest orc smut I can imagine. It makes me deliriously happy and I'm sorry simply nothing else compares

[animentality]

I've always harboured a mild dislike for x reader stuff. I never really held it against people because I don't have the time to antagonise them, but it was so upsetting when every time I opened the fandom tag and all I saw were posts and posts and posts of bland x reader stuff that clearly is ooc with no real substance to them at all. So many of the RP blogs seem the same way.

As someone who tries to make analysis posts and art for the same fandom, it is disheartening when I spend hours and hours on an analysis post about a character and it maybe hits 120 notes while an OOC x reader of the same character soars to the thousands. Maybe it's selfish of me to say but I say it anyway.

The fandom is full of youngsters and I never felt comfortable voicing my opinion for the same because it just felt wrong to tell kids to stop existing in communities. But the amount of times I've been put down for shipping characters with each other rather than myself is an honestly surprising number.

Um. I don't really know where I was going with this.

But your post definitely opened my eyes a little bit on even why I dislike x reader so much. It's sinking in a little bit. My hatred for OOC stuff seeps into this, I suppose. So I wanted to say that. Yeah. I agree with you.

Thank you for saying it.

Signed,

A fellow analyser / artist / fanfic writer lmao

— @lunarcloak

I get you, man.

I know self shippers have always existed.

I don't mind them. If that's how you enjoy the media, then fine.

However.

I just don't think that the sudden rise of self shippers over fan analysis and shipping is a good sign.

I think it comes from a lack of media literacy and willingness to actually engage with a piece of fiction. At least shippers and fan analysts actually talk about the world and plot itself.

self shippers imagine themselves dating a character in an au that is completely disconnected from the story, and acting in a way that's not even close to how they are in canon.

which to me is like... you have a creative writing prompt but it's not a story you're actually engaging with. someone showed you a picture of a handsome man and said write a story about how he'd kiss you.

and it's like... ok. there's no crime in just being horny, but... when that's all a fandom is... I don't consider it a fandom, it's just a masturbation fantasy.

I thought the whole point of fiction was to dive into the human experience and try and understand ourselves better. See the perspectives of others. Live vicariously in another person's shoes.

Fan analysis about themes? Perfect. You're thinking. You're feeling. You're articulating. You're growing as a person as you decide what you like or don't like, or try to put together puzzle pieces so that the whole picture makes sense. Shipping? You're imagining scenarios. You're bending canon to fit your interests. You are developing your own ability to write characters, and growing as an artist and a writer.

But self shipping...?

Eh.

You're writing, I guess, but when you reduce yourself to just... idk, some generic girl that Gojo decides is the Bella to his Edward... I mean I'm glad you're happy and all.

But how happy are you

Are you happy at all, or are you frustrated by this aching loneliness deep in your gut that you just don't understand, and it never quite feels whole bc you keep cramming nothing into it.

And it's not the loneliness or the social awkwardness that I'm criticizing here ok, shippers and fan analysts can be just as lonely. I just think that the human relationship to art should be confusion and appreciation.

you should be trying to understand others or yourself.

you can insist well what's so wrong with escapism? why does everything have to be an intellectual exercise?

it doesn't have to be ... but there's a reason people feel so hollow watching marvel movies.

art without substance is consumption. it's a distraction from your own humanity, it is not anything more.

not to you, anyway.

and I don't know.

that's really sad.

I've made so many friends through ships and babbling about canon and gushing about narrative beats.

I feel like I got something out of fandom, if other people force me to see the world in another light. I feel like a story has done its job if it's made me feel something. and it's really done a great job if I feel invested enough to hope two characters smooch.

but self insert?

eh. so you just like the character and think they're hot. that's fine.

not that interesting to talk about either. requires very little analysis on your part.

they just provoke sexual feelings or romantic feelings , which are easiest for you to process, and then you can move on to the next pretty boy you can turn into a Dom.

it irks me, man.

just a tad bit.

[saintadeline]

More vague thoughts on this since this is getting more attention than I thought:

I see this one a Lot in music circles lately too, the whole "women and fems" groups, and self described "queer fem artists". Woman and Man are already arbitrary social constructs but in the eyes of cis people they still have a basis in the biologic (absolute bullshit but i'm trying to get to their level to make my point clearer), feminine and masculine however are 100% complete social constructs even to them and are words that are So arbitrary that the definition for them varies from person to person, so even as a basis you can see how an issue would arise by trying to refer to broad groups of people with your one arbitrary term that nobody but you knows the definition of. And half the time they don't even realize that their definition doesn't add up, what counts as a feminine person to you? When you talk about fems, do you talk about cis women? Do you include trans women? If so then why define fem experiences by stuff like pregnancy and periods? Do you consider trans women "masc" in your arbitrary new binary? Or are you choosing to degender them again? And if you don't use fem in that way (it's a start), then what about trans women that you wouldn't deem "fem enough"? Where do you draw your own arbitrary line with the word fem, which transfems are you excluding? And in the other much less common way around (because it's always about unchecked or ignored transmisogyny first and foremost please do not forget this), do you include feminine cis men? Aren't they fem by definition? And when you talk about "fem experiences", do you include trans men? Are you misgendering them for no reason? What about cis women butches? They're included in the experiences/oppressions you describe but they're literally not fem, are you just disrespecting their identity? "More fem artists" so no butches? So i'm just as oppressive as a cis man? "Bloodborne is about femininity" so butch icon lady maria is excluded from that societal critique of the patriarchy? Fem and Masc are extremely flimsy terms that should not be used to define anything that isnt related to the social constructs around them, and even then, they're not catch-all terms because femininity and masculinity are based on the culture around you and you just end up enforcing eurocentric social constructs on everything you try to talk about. I have my own qualms with the terms transmasc and transfem by pure definition, theres no alternative to them so obviously I'm fine with them and use them but I wish we werent in a world where we had to use those to define experiences. (In the same way i wish the word androgynous wasnt used the way it is) In my beautiful world there should not be "masculine" or "feminine" traits because sure it feels good for a transmasc on hrt to have their voice called masc, but what does that mean about trans women who don't voice train? If you deem a trait brought on by hrt as masc or fem, what does that mean you think of the person of the opposite gender transition experience (? Is there a term for that) who "still has those" or doesnt want to get rid of them. Idk. Also seriously what is it with "progressive" tme people (i'm tme so please stop me if I'm ever overstepping/said something weird. I would like to be corrected if so) trying so hard to include trans men and transmascs in what they'd usually dub "women's experiences" (usually either about biological shit like pregnancy once again. Just use "people with vaginas/wombs/people able to get pregnant" or whatever im begging you. Or it's about societal oppression -> idk even just saying "women and people percieved as women by society" works better) that they end up finding a whole new way to be transmisogynistic about it. How does soulsborne have one of the biggest trans communities i know of and yet people will go out of their way to be the most weirdly transphobic possible. We need to start being literal about definitions again and instead of using catch-all buzzwords we need to just describe more specifically what we're talking about. make longer sentences i dont care. I dont fucking know

My one Too Online post for the month but seriously does anyone else despise the way fem and masc are becoming the new hashtag inclusive way of saying woman and man. This is about trans stuff but this is also about when we get sentences like "bborne is about femininity" no the fuck it is not? It's about pregnancy and women's role in a patriarcal society yes. But that's not what femininity is. That's not what the word feminine even means.

[blueteller]

"Necromancer Heals the Holy Maiden" – TCF chapter 137

Ah, Mary & Hannah, my beloved girls!! 💖 I've been working on this fanart for so looooong, but I finally did it!! 🥳 There isn't nearly enough fanart of neither of these two, in my humble opinion. So, I decided to draw a scene with them, which I haven't seen drawn by anyone else yet. (...If someone has tho, please let me know, I'm curious!!)

In general, I feel that the significance of these two characters (three, including Jack) is severely overlooked by the fans. This was the moment which decided of the fate of the entire Mogoru Empire, and with it, the fate of basically the entire Western Continent.

If it wasn't for Mary helping the Sun Twins, they wouldn't have survived. If they didn't survive, they wouldn't be able to revolutionize the Church of the Sun God. And without that, the dark creatures would never become accepted again. In a single act, Mary changed the fate of all Dark Attribute users in the world. It's truly poetic, how a Necromancer managed to heal her very own natural enemy; and with it, and save countless other lives 💖

[xitsensunmoon]

My first ever comic con! And first cosplay too. Of course it's gonna be my boy :] Ramblings about the process are under the cut(Let me know if?? You would want me to elaborate with process images for any of the steps?)

The costume took me forever to make, as I've never done any machine sewing, sculpting, fabric dying or spray painting before but learning all of these was so fucking fun!! I never realised just how many different skills go into making a cosplay but it was so worth it!!!

Almost all of the clothes(except the hat) were purchased first as bases, but all of the detailing was added by me. All of the fabric used was originally just scraps that I was given for free so I needed to learn how to dye and dye all of the stars, they were originally white.

The sewing machine was its own beast that brought me tons of frustration from the lack of skill and knowledge (it was devastating to find out that 95% of fuck ups were my fault and not the machine's lmao). But as a result, a hat sewn from scratch, all of the fur trims, embroidery on the corset, stars and the collar(which is very hard to see on the pictures unfortunately) was all added manually. The stars and the stripes(on the back of the cape) were attached using heat-and-bond adhesive (I WISH I knew about such thing just when I started working on this. It would save me so much time and nerves.)

Then I found out about polymorph(mouldable plastic) and it has become the next thing I wanted to learn, to sculpt the claws and the fangs(yes, they're handmade jfksjs). The claws I then primed and painted in trillion coats because I wasn't satisfied with the colour of the spray paint. The fangs I moulded to my own teeth and then stained with tea to match the colour of my teeth :)c

As for makeup, I used Mehron Paradise water activated paints. At first I wanted to try to save money and bought myself Snazaroo instead, which unfortunately turned out to be a waste. Snazaroo didn't hold on my face for longer than 2 hours, cracking and peeling awfully. Mehron on the other hand survived 11 hours of me smiling, talking, emoting and such and didn't even crease at the smile lines(I'm actually shocked about that). It obviously works like any other makeup which means your skin texture and wrinkles won't go anywhere but Mehron's elasticity pleasantly surprised me. It did obviously smear from sweat and saliva(if you're eating and licking your lips) but if you don't touch the skin it just dries again, self setting. But if it's dry it's fully smear-proof. Highly recommend!

And last but not least, I've decided against painting my hands as it was very risky that I will stain everything I touch at the smallest hint of sweat. So instead I got myself gloves-tights(? Not sure how they're called but it's made from the same fabric as tights) and painted them with normal acrylic paint(did you know you could dye fabric with acrylic paint? I personally didn't), then heat set with an iron and voilà, they're reusable, my hands are not stained after an exhausting day and I don't stain everything I touch. It worked wonderfully which honestly was a surprise as I was really sceptical that acrylic paint will somehow stay in place.

I think this whole thing took me minimum of 6 months with big-big breaks for my school and life in general. But I'm really proud! This project taught me so many new skills and I couldn't have been happier about learning new knowledge, even if it sucked to fail in the meantime.

Everyone at the con was really nice and gave me a large confidence boost even tho it was my first time and I had no idea what I was doing. Taking photos with other people was really awkward/new for me as I hate cameras so I really had no idea how to pose/behave in front of one. But that's okay I think. This whole experience definitely made me want to do this again, so I think that will come with experience. Thank you for reading this far, hope you enjoyed this little summary :)

[omaano]

🎨 Art Summary 2024 🎨

I did the thing I missed out on last year and picked a clone to represent each month :3 it wasn't too hard considering how I've spent the majority of my time drawing them (finally with some OCs - mine and others' - hell yeah!).

In 2025 I really want to wrap up the Hades AU, finish up the poly sketch requests for good, and play around with my art style: simplify a few things and work on my fear of empty spaces. Gotta learn how to hit that nice balance between noise and calm spaces in my art 💪

Thank you everyone for supporting me this year, through commissioning me or leaving very nice and heartwarming comments in the tags ❤️❤️❤️ (I do read and often save many of them for future support ❤️)

[lunar-years]

While I do think it's kind of a weird marketing choice for the Sour and Guts albums to seemingly have near-identical aesthetics, I also think swifties have a weird tendency to impose "eras" on every single artist. like sometimes pop artists just want to keep making pop albums that fit the personal aesthetic of who they truly are not everyone wants to completely reinvent themselves and their sound and their vibe every two years xx

[sharksonfire]

Ik Pyro is from Sydney in the comics (most likely Woolloomooloo specifically since he mentioned his grandma lives there) but I have a really in-depth headcanon about him being from somewhere in Tasmania (in-depth enough to include animal motifs and broader historical things lol I thought about this way too hard) and I really want to form it into a proper fic but I really don't think it would be that interesting to anyone other than, well, me...

[mysticgeekzartz]

That moment you make a YouTube sprite

So I decided to test out making YouTube talking sprites for my videos So I decided to use my wonderful welcome home OC, Eve as a starter while I'm making my persona that I want to represent myself with It's not as detailed as my other works because I'm just testing it out testing the waters to see if I like doing it in this format or not And if I do I'll make a more detailed version with more poses because right now this is just her idle pose I do have her with different expressions in the same pose again It's a tester to see if I like it expect a YouTube video soon lol I decided maybe to update with some actual art this time around because lately my posts haven't had art in it so here's a little teaser lol enjoy

[ismyteadoneyet]

How fortunate am I to have so many Things to love and be excited about, to appreciate and look forward to?

Things I feel so strongly about that they stumble into my mind, univited, at random times of the day? Things that spill into my speech and vocabulary without me noticing? Things that impact my vision to the point where everywhere I look, everywhere I go, I see ghosts of them?

How lucky am I to have so many Things I love and cherish enough for them to reshape my very person, change my beliefs and make me grow? Things that make my own loved ones see the Things out in the wild, and go out of their way to make sure I see them too?

How wonderful is it that I have Things that I love so much that the very act is deemed and dubbed "not normal", making my love for them seem like it's more than they are supposed to recieve? An out-of-the-ordinary and above-the-norm appreciation for the Things that make the people around me shake their heads, call me "silly".

My dear, beloved Things, may I always stay silly for you ❤️

[ilovedthestars]

I wasn't kidding when I said I spent an hour just trying to sketch out the pose for this drawing! Sometimes you just gotta go through like 8 sketch layers to figure out what you're doing.

I also ended up looking at two references--this one from The Pose Archive, which I traced the legs from after struggling for a while to get proportions that looked right, and a photo of myself that I asked my roommate to take so I could figure out what to do with the arms. The process got significantly faster when I remembered I could use references and started working with them.

I think it's good to show some of the behind-the-scenes of your artwork every now and then, both because process is cool and because it removes some of the sheen of "whoa, i could never make that." I know I get discouraged at times by artists who "make it look easy," when really I can't see all the time and hard work that went into making something. I don't want to create that feeling for anyone else!

So, here's a glimpse into how much I struggled to get the pose right, and below is the timelapse where you can see how much I fiddled with the colors until I had something I was happy with. It was probably at least two hours of "i am spending way too much time on this" and "why does this still not look right" before I got to a point where I started thinking, "wow, this looks good." But I got there eventually, and I'm really happy I stuck it out!

[sysig]

How is skeleton shaped (Patreon)