#but i do care that you think guys leaving gross shit in my inbox is fine & that it's my problem so i should turn off anonymous

[meeshimi]

You can turn off the anonymous ya know 🤷🏻‍♂️

i didn't know thank you 🙂

[pedgito]

okay i had this idea of eddie and reader fucking in a closet or an enclosed space of some kind yk being real sneaky and shit. and the reader lets him finish in their mouth. then he kisses the reader with his cum in his mouth bc he nasty like that. sorry if this was a really specific request it’s been sitting in my brain for ages.

author’s note: full warning, if this grosses you out, don’t read. and i don’t want to hear how much you don’t like it in my inbox because i don’t care lol. but for those of you that do read this, enjoy my nasty eddie thoughts.

cw: 18+ (minors dni) semi-public (in a closet), voyeurism (if you squint), oral (m receiving), fluid play/bonding (idk they share eddie’s jizz yeah), established relationship, eddie is v gross but we love that shit, if i missed anything lmk

word count: 1.7k

Eddie didn’t do parties, ever. It was just another spectacle and a place for him to be laughed at, wondering who invited the freak to drink and kill the vibe—but for you, he endures it. That and everyone knows to keep their mouth shut around you. It’s nice, Eddie can admit that—but it’s also damn near impossible for him to keep his hands off of you in public, not that you had a problem with it.

Dating Eddie hit you completely out of nowhere, ending up in an after school detention with him that left very little to be discovered about each other, both in your likes and dislikes, but also your bodies.

And so what if you fucked Eddie with only one twenty minute conversation under your belt—he was levels above most of the guys you fucked, even if he was a little bit inexperienced in the beginning.

He’s more surprised at how easily your perfect persona is tarnished in front of him—good grades, nice friends, always smiling at everyone who walks by. You were never mean to anyone, which is why no one ever said shit when you started your mornings cuddled up to Eddie at his locker.

They could look and stare, but no one dared to comment on it.

Eddie’s quick to feed into it, openly kissing you in the halls, grabbing at your ass under the short confines of your skirt or tight jeans—it would emit a few groans, but you didn’t care.

Not for a second.

He’s insatiable, really—and nasty to the core. You never really expected to like it as much as you did, settling for missionary and doggy style in most of your hook-ups, minimal eye contact, and getting straight to the point; not to say you didn’t enjoy it, but with Eddie, it’s kismet.

You could never say no.

“Hey, hey,” You murmur against his lips, his hands blindly reaching for the doorknob to shove you into Steve Harrinton’s bedroom, leaving the door open just a crack, “we can leave if you want—do you wanna leave?”

“Mmm,” Eddie shakes his head, breathing hotly against your mouth, “don’t think I can wait that long, wanna fuck you right now.”

You giggle softly, arms wrapped around his neck as he hoists you up, licking into your mouth with the same edge of depravity he always carried, growling lowly. His hands slip past the waistband of your jeans, contacting the bare skin underneath.

“No panties,” Eddie notes, “dirty girl.”

“Do you expect anything less?” You tease, squealing softly as he buries his face into your neck, nipping at the skin.

But, the loud ramblings of another pair of bodies stumbling down the hall has you both in a panic—Eddie nearly shuts the door close, but you’re hopping off of him to pull him into the closet before he can act, sliding the slatted, wooden doors close, leaving little light to leak through.

You force your hand over Eddie’s mouth, his features barely visible aside from the tiny spec of light that hits his face from the lamp on the table beside the closet. He blinks, confused.

It doesn’t take long for you both to realize that it’s Steve—and some girl you’ve only talked to a few times at school, who seemed a lot more familiar with Steve than you expect, hands reaching under waistband of his boxers from where his jeans hang open loosely, you avert your eyes quickly, connecting with Eddie’s.

He’s got that ridiculous smirk on his face, having caught you in the act of peeping, shifting the closet door shut tight—no more peeking on his account. His hands keep busy, whether on your neck, your breasts, over the expanse of your back, just touching because he wanted to—but you can feel how impatient he’s being, hard in his jeans from where’s pressed up against you in the small space.

“We can’t,” You whisper softly, feeling Eddie’s hands squeeze at the slope of your ass, pulling you in closer, “Eddie, I’m serious.”

“It’s Steve,” He murmurs, lips connecting with your neck briefly, “he won’t even know.”

Eddie was right—but the hesitation was still there.

“I’m not letting you fuck me in a closet,” You force out in a hushed whisper, “get over yourself.”

Eddie chuckles lightly, fumbling with the front of his pants carefully, mouth still busy against your skin, “Never said anything about that, but if I need to find a way to keep that mouth occupied, I can think of a few.”

You look at him sternly—Eddie can faintly read your expression, smiling confidently as his belt jingles quietly, slow to unzip his jeans.

“Because as much as I love to hear you talk, that mouth is good at other things,” Eddie says knowingly, “unless, of course, you’d rather watch Steve—“

“Fuck off.” You mutter, sinking to your knees with ease, yanking Eddie’s jeans down his hips impatiently and reaching under his boxers for his cock with a ferocity that has Eddie feeling for the walls, hands coming up to brace himself.

“Jesus,” He grunts softly, your grip tightening around the soft, velvet skin, his cock thickening to full hardness under your touch, “—a little warning next time, sweetheart.”

You scoff lightly at that, the deep hum of the music traveling upstairs and under the gap of Steve’s bedroom door—it didn’t help drowning out the sounds of Steve and the girl only a few feet away, but it did help muffle the sounds of Eddie, who couldn’t help his noise level when your mouth finally closes around his cock.

You lick at the tip slowly, right along the slit until Eddie’s reaching for your head, hand squeezing at the root of your hair. Eddie never tried to be soft, or caring—he always was regardless, but he was also just as intense.

“Fuck, take it, baby—“ He pushes a little deeper, forcing you to inhale on the push, moaning against him, “oh, fuck—“

It was easy to wreck Eddie’s ego, watch it come crashing to the ground every time you touched him. You bob your head with his movements, slowly until he’s holding you still, rocking his hips into your mouth with harsh, precise thrusts—fucking your mouth just like he would your pussy, reminding you just how devastating it was that he couldn’t have you right now.

There’s a creak on the bed that has you two pausing your movements, mouth still fully engulfing Eddie’s dick as footsteps approach. Eddie’s thumb pressing at your cheek gently, rubbing in small, comforting circles—almost a way to soothe or ease your worry.

“Hurry.” The girl giggles, followed by Steve’s ruffling through the drawers of the table placed beside the closet.

“I’m coming, I’m coming.”

And the double entendre of it has both you and Eddie forcing a laugh back down.

When Steve finally retreats a safe distance you feel Eddie rub at your jaw, urging you to continue.

You double down, shifting down to mouth at his balls, the weight heavy against your tongue as you swirl it gently over the skin—Eddie raises his fist in silence, biting down to stifle the filthy groan that almost escapes. It’s the easiest way to fuck with him, knowing how much he liked it—and you don’t stop.

Your hand pumps steadily, stopping to squeeze at the head occasionally, smearing the precum over the head and down, the friction unbearable as you made it your absolute mission to make Eddie come—fast and hard.

It doesn’t take long before he’s grunting softly, yanking gently at your head to pull you away.

“Need somewhere,” Eddie begs, “Steve’ll never forgive me if I use his shirt to clean up my jizz, sweetheart.”

“I don’t know,” You tease, “think it’s kinda hot, actually.”

It would’ve been easier for him to ask to come in your mouth, but that was a little too straightforward—he didn’t do it often, mostly because things would’ve led to sex by now, but it’s still one of his favorite things, your eyes wide and attentive on his face as he cums, thinking he might actually pass out from the feeling of it all.

“Your mouth, baby,” He finally says, voice strained, clearly holding himself back, “god, let me cum in your mouth, please.”

You smile widely, despite how hard it is to make it out in the poor lighting and nod, which he does feel.

You close your mouth over the tip, feeling his hand leave your hair to tug at his dick, jerking himself off with fervor, breathing harshly through his nose.

“I’m gonna come,” He forces out in a hushed tone, giving you the small warning you need to pull back, tongue pressed against the underside of his cock, as he lets out a litany of curses, “fuckfuckfuck—“ in the same deep tone that makes your thighs clench together harder, reminding you how greatly you were lacking his touch.

You flinch when the warmth of it hits your mouth, warm and pooling in the dip of your tongue as Eddie tries his best to suppress his groans, squeezing himself until there’s nothing left, the head of his cock dragging against your lips as he pulls away—your immediate instinct is to swallow, rid yourself of the musky taste and find the best route of escape, but Eddie stops you.

“Come here,” He urges, letting him pull you up, your face tilting in his grip as he closes your mouth with his thumb, rubbing the underside of your chin, “—how does it taste?”

You raise your eyebrows expectantly, gesturing to him before opening your mouth, beckoning him to get a taste—and Eddie’s never shied away from things like this, always willing to try things at least once. So, he does, his tongue dipping into your mouth quickly, the taste of him lingering between you two briefly as you hurried to swallow the rest.

“Dirty,” He repeats his earlier sentiment against your lips, “—fuck, if I didn’t like you so much I would never do shit like that.”

You giggle quietly, reaching up to press a gentle kiss against his lips, “I know.”

And you can say that with full confidence, because it’s true.

“Now, how do we get out of here?”

You shrug, “Don’t know—but, I got something that’ll keep you busy, if you want.”

Eddie was more than eager to please.

Please consider a reblog if you enjoyed this fic! It’s makes a huge difference. ♡

[octuscle]

Hi Chronivac Support, I need some help, I'm a 23 year old Korean American and every time I try and get myself transformed writers first thought is to turn me into some big white guy in his 40s Could your app give me the transformation of my dreams? I want to be turned into a huge muscle freak but stay young and stay korean american. I'd love to grow bigger randomly at inconvenient times, like if im on a date with a guy my nice button up stretches and rips as I swell bigger. I want to sweat so bad everything I own stinks. I fantasise all the time about getting stuck in door ways, being so big I break furniture by sitting on it, sweating and stinking so bad people laugh at me for it. Please just make me a big gross muscle freak

Your wish is my command! And we start directly. During a business lunch. Your back becomes a good deal wider in one fell swoop. Your jacket tears open over your back. You struggle to get out of the jacket. The buttons above your chest are still holding.

You excuse yourself, get up and leave the restaurant. You need air. The first button of your shirt flies off. And the fabric rips over your swelling biceps. And a short time later, your pants give up the fight with your thighs.

It doesn't help, you have to buy something new to wear. At the fitness store across the street in the mall, you get compression shorts and a tank top. And return to your lunch. Your coworkers make a few funny remarks, but no one really seems surprised by your getup.

For the rest of the day, all you can think about is the gym. You drink one protein shake after another. And with every protein fart you feel like you've gained another kilo of muscle mass. And while all your colleagues are still diligently sitting at their screens at 5:00 p.m., you just can't take it anymore. You have to lift weights now. Now! And leave the office.

The next morning you work from your home office. Of course, you went to the gym as soon as you got up. You were sweating like a pig. But now you're showered. You even found a shirt that fits. But you have to wear your compression shorts with it. There were no shorts that fit over your massive thighs. It will do for video conferencing. The first conference is barely two minutes in when your fresh light-colored shirt gets dark stains. You're sweating even more than you did during the workout. After a short time, the shirt sticks to your upper body, soaking wet and stretched to bursting. You try to stay cool. But you hear your colleagues giggling. Now you just have to tense your chest muscles. You have to free yourself from this straitjacket. Your buttons bang like pistol bullets on your screen. And your nipples shine into the camera, freed from their prison. Your boss sends you a private message. Whether you are still in your right mind. You can't help but tear the shreds of your shirt from your sweaty torso. And you let your pecs dance in the camera. Your immediate suspension is already in your e-mail inbox.

You don't care, you can spend more time in the gym. It doesn't matter that you sweat and stink of sweat. You don't need to wear a shirt or a tank top. Everyone should see your sweaty upper body. As long as you need a new job, you can work in the gym as a janitor.

Chronivac Inc. supports its customers wherever possible. Also in the search for a new job. I think I have found something suitable. It doesn't give a shit if you sweat through your uniform. Your partner is a gym rat too and almost stinks more than you. Any crook who has to ride in the car with you is almost punished enough.

However, I can't guarantee that at some point even this uniform will suddenly become too tight…. Take care of yourself!

[monaisdark]

i like how u write Shigaraki 😳❤ can u do maybe some bully reader with a sprinkle of virgin!shiggy hehe 🥰 reader can be dom or sub its up to you!! ❤

AH i’ve been meaning to check my inbox but ommmg this motivates me so much, thank you ! <3 I decided to do some dom reader - hope its ok!

➨ paring — Virgin! Tomura Shigaraki x Fem! Bully! Reader 

➨ warnings —  Sub! Shigaraki, Dom! Reader, slight mommy kink, slight masturbation, humiliation, degradation, cum denial, begging

PART 2

Shigaraki slumped into the ground, his back against the now wet wall. It hasn’t even been 3rd period yet and you already completely ruined his day. You and your group of followers threw water at him, something about him smelling bad. His papers and books were thrown out of his bag, soggy and falling apart from the water poured on them and his favorite hoodie now uncomfortably wet. 

Shigaraki would already be late to class by now so he didn’t bother to scurry off like your friends did when they heard the late bell for class. You walked a bit behind them, turning your head back at him a few times before completely disappearing down the hall. 

Shigaraki wasn’t sure what he did for you to hate him so much. It was almost like you were out to get him since day one. And of course, you being so popular, it made him the school outcast, well, even more of an outcast.

He tried everything — ignoring you, doing everything you asked him, even trying to fight back. The last try left him with a sprained wrist and bruised cheek. So in the end, everything left him either humiliated, damaged, or hurt. 

He finally stood up as he heard footsteps from a hall monitor coming down the hall he was in, grabbing his backpack that contained the remaining contents of his school stuff before running off into a nearby bathroom to hide. Luckily, nobody was there to see how disheveled he looked.

Shigaraki took off his hoodie, thankfully the hoodie was thick and caught most of the water, leaving his long sleeved undershirt a bit damp but nothing he couldn’t handle for the rest of the day. He set everything wet under the hand drier, letting the hot air dry them a bit. 

As he dried his face, something at on the floor caught Shigaraki’s eye. It was a small piece of paper that was also damp. He picked it up confused, did it fall out of his hoodie pocket? 

‘’Shigaraki, meet me in room 204 after school today. Be there.’’  He could read out from the smudged, running ink. Shigaraki looked at it confused, yeah it was definitely for him but why? How did this even get into his pocket? He’s usually always alone, he didn’t hang out or spend his school days with anyone.

“Hey! Get to class!” The voice of the hall monitor outside of the bathroom almost made him yelp. He stuffed the note into his back pocket, grabbing all his stuff that was thankfully a bit more dry before leaving.

You eyed Shigaraki from across the cafeteria, a small smirk tugged your lips as you saw him pull out the tiny piece of paper for the 12th time that lunch. A wave of satisfaction overcame you every time you saw his eyebrows furrowed at the paper. 

You tried to make the note as vague as possible, you could tell from the confused look on his face that he didn’t have a clue on who sent it. Just how you wanted it.

You turned your thoughts back to your friends, mixing your laughter with theirs. You had no idea what they were laughing at. These people are assholes, why do you hang out with them again? A small boy whimpered on the floor, his food spilled all over his body. Oh, that's why. Like hell you’d be on the receiving end of their bullying.

It’s not like you felt bad. School was a hierarchy, these poor people were just at the bottom. When you first got here, you quickly rose to be at the top. Not like you expected to be anything less. You held yourself to a high standard, of course you’d be at the top.

So it made you sick seeing how some of these people held themselves, especially Shigaraki. He looked and smelled like he only showers every other day, he alternated between 2 hoodies each week, did he even bother to wash them?

He barely talked to anyone, usually playing some videogame on his phone. Does he not care about himself? Well maybe that was why you targeted him, you just wanted him to be better. Nothing else.

Then you noticed how much of a pervert he was. If a girl was ever near him, his eyes would automatically shoot to their chests before awkwardly shifting away from them. In P.E, you found it funny how he’d try to hide his boners after seeing all the girls in their shorts. How gross, he’s a horny little virgin.

You almost felt bad, maybe if he smelt better, maybe if he wore better clothes, maybe if he just tried to take care of himself. It was no surprise that he wasn’t getting chicks. But then again, he didn’t look too confident in anything. Yet alone girls.

That’s when you had came up with a plan. You’d sleep with him. Don’t get it wrong, you had dignity. If it was anyone else, you’d probably make fun of them even more, maybe even expose their perverted behavior.

But Shigaraki looked so helpless, if he kept up with this he’d never get better. Maybe he’d become desperate enough to start touching girls on the train to school, how disgusting.

You were doing everyone a favor. This is just charity work.

“Hey.” Shigaraki jumped, what? He was even more confused then before, you? Why would you send him a letter to meet him alone after school? He stayed quiet, he backed into a desk as he heard the click of the door. Locked, shit, you locked the door. You probably were gonna beat him up, usually you’d have other people pick on him, was today finally the day you’d take more action?

“Stop sweating, I’m not here to do anything bad.” You walked in front of him, Shigaraki would be lying if he said he wasn’t terrified. “Um — why.. why did you want to meet me?” Shigaraki’s voice cracked and you almost laughed, has he ever even been alone in the same room as girl?

You decided to be blunt, there was no sugar coating what was about to happen. “You’re a virgin right, Shigaraki?” You brought your hands to the buttons of your shirt, slowly unbuttoning your top.

Shigaraki immediately felt himself starting to get hard at the sight of your bra. “What—” You rolled your eyes, doesn’t he get it? How dense can he be? “Just answer me.” 

Shigaraki felt so humiliated, this was honestly worse then all the bullying he experienced from you. He has to admit to his bully that he’s a virgin, or better yet, that he’s never even gotten close touching a woman.

He couldn’t lie, I mean look at him! The most action he’s gotten was those JOI videos he’d watch late at night. “Yeah..” He whispered enough for you to hear, just incase anyone else was hiding in the room. “..Why?” 

A smirk spread across your face, just like you thought. His red face was honestly so enjoyable to see, almost just as enjoyable as seeing him try to hide how hard he was.

“I know you’re hard, Shigaraki.” Your hands moved to his crotch, palming him. “Ah, ah! Wait! I’m—“  Holy shit, did he cum? Just from a bit of palming?

Your hands retracted from the damp fabric, “God, how pathetic can you be?” Shigaraki lowered his head, you didn’t want to know. You’re the first girl to ever touch him, he didn’t want to come that fast!

“I’m sorry! Please.. I’m still hard!” Now he’s begging? He was ready for you to laugh at him and leave him a gross mess. He would understand.

“Take it out.” Shigaraki could cry right there, you were serious! He didn’t know what made you want to do this now but he didn’t care. All that matter’s was you wanted to fuck him.

His mind flooded to what you guys could do, would you rub his now exposed dick? Would you take it in your mouth? Better yet, what could he do to you? He’ll learn quickly, he just wants to touch your boobs!

Suddenly, he was on the floor. He couldn’t even process what was going on before you straddled him. We’re skipping straight to it? This wasn’t necessarily what he saw in those porn videos but that’s okay. His hands moved to your chest, he saw this in the porn videos too! But your hand slapped his away, “Don’t touch me. You still stink.” 

He frowned but it was quickly gone as he felt you lower yourself on him. Shit, shit, shit, he’s inside you! Inside a pussy! You already started moving and Shigaraki already lost it. This was better than what he could ever imagine! 

You smirked at the scene, its barely been a minute and he’s out of it. His eyes were rolled back and he was moaning louder than you! You had to admit though, you were a bit surprised he even got past 30 seconds of being inside of you. 

“Mhmm— m...mommy!” Now you could laugh, “Mommy? Really Shigaraki?” Tears were forming on the corner of his eyes, you weren’t sure if it was from your words or the pleasure but you preferred if it was from both.

“I’m sorry! It’s just— ah!” You angled yourself to hit deeper, “No, no, Shigaraki. Go ahead. I should’ve known you’d be into something like that.” His moans filled the room, you were lucky this hallway was always empty after school was done.

You felt him begin to twitch, already knowing he’s about to cum. Eyes narrowed down at his messy face, he’s trying to cum inside you without you knowing? 

You stopped moving and brought him up so he wasn’t laying down anymore, “Y’know, for a virgin I’m a bit impressed.” Shigaraki whimpered when he felt you get off of him, the feeling of your warm cunt no longer around him.

“Wait! Please, please— I wasn’t done!” He whined watching you put your panties back on and button your shirt back up, “You were about to. You think I want your battery acid cum touching me?” 

Snickering as he heard his desperate whimpers begging you to finish him off, an overwhelming feeling of power filled you. A fake annoyed sigh caught his attention, “Take a shower tomorrow. Also wear a different top for god’s sake. If you do— “You brought yourself to his level on the floor, “I might let you touch me.” 

Shigaraki nodded furiously, “Yes! I promise! I will, I will!” You turned and unlocked to the door to leave, catching one more look at his messy state. A sigh was let out of you as you closed the door, the sounds of him moaning ‘mommy’s pussy’ as he finished himself off, made you giggle. How sad.

You rolled your eyes, clicking heels down the hallway. You might’ve just created a new problem for yourself. 

[roetrolls]

o yeah, i was thinking soon that another recap might be good, :') also for me to show my roomie,

Great idea! Let's see, where did we last leave off?

oh

fuck

Since a LOT has happened since then, I'm not going to link every plot point to an ask, but just know... There sure are asks to link.

Anyways. Picking up where the last recap left off: Harlan's in Veylin's house, he's taken over her body, and this drabble gets posted, giving us a bit more insight into how Veylin is handling things.

Following this, Veylin's lusus is killed by the twins and she's dragged back to the compound.

Askers gain access to Ben, but they're not allowed to tell him about Vey's kidnapping.

Meanwhile, Chase and I are doing an actual roleplay instead of drabbling back and forth (bonkers, right?)

The beloathed Sawbones shows up to stir the pot, revealing that he knows the location of Orfuse's descendant, Zurven. Veylin's there too. She's not having fun.

Harlan leaves Lycias alone with Vey to go fetch his clock boy, and Zurven gets got.

WUH-OH!

Now Zurven and Veylin are roomies! We have fun with it.

Anons have fun too! Lots of fun, actually. They have a grand ol time needling Harlan until he snaps, eventually reaching a point where he closes the inbox for a few hours! During the silence from my blog, Zurven steps in to remind everyone that they're hurting Veylin every time they insult Harlan, and she fainted during his outburst. Zurven has become very protective of Veylin! And Veylin's become protective of Zurven! It's cute. They're cute.

When the inbox reopens, Harlan reveals that he's actually pretty happy about being pushed to his breaking point :)

In fact, this has given him a brand new idea! Gross!

Anons soon get right back to insulting him, and Harlan references the fact that this is kind of exactly what he wants!

He's asked to elaborate, and we see that he's angling to make Veylin feel overlooked-- He is the only one who can stop her hurt. She must bend to him.

And then Harlan starts gloating. He goes on a roasting spree and really chides you guys for failing to care for her.

Then Thanat gets brought up and it's right back to bothering Harlan.

Do I sound judgy in this part? I'm a little judgy. He did tell you exactly what he was doing, after all.

The anons really fuck Veylin over at this point. Now it's her turn to call you guys out (Examples one, two, three, and four)

Harlan's pleased as punch.

Later, Thanat reveals that he once beat the shit out of Harlan and you guys go off on him AGAIN. But this time someone thinks to check on Veylin first! It's great.

So we can anger Harlan, and anger Harlan, and anger Harlan

Oh. But Zurven's with him.

That doesn't go well for anyone.

Anyways, that doesn't matter anymore because we're in Ilioneus now and Benjin is having tea with Thanat. Unfortunately, Ben is the spitting image of Harlan at his age, and Than makes an unfortunate slip.

Unfortunately, someone else slips up too. Ben is now aware of Veylin's abduction. It's here that we get Throwback and Return, the drabbles where Ben panics too much to ask for help and runs home on his own.

And thus begins Phase 3! All members of Flashback, the name for the ZurVeyBen ship, are present and accounted for, and Harlan's got something planned for each of them.

The anons mess around and get events shuffled, which means the first drabble we get is Carving, in which Harlan brands Veylin with the Mahkir symbol, as is traditional of all members of the Church of the Dominion.

Next we get Reminder, where Harlan uses his knowledge of Orfuse's powers to push Zurven beyond what is safe or healthy and completely overwhelm him with visions of the past.

That same night, I post this Interlude, where Ben and Vey comfort Zurven following the events of Reminder.

I wonder what will happen next :)

[yikesharringrove]

Umm, I accidentally deleted the request for this while moving it to my inbox, so here it is. (Also this is like, four months old).

I’m gonna rec this fic which is super well written and adorable

Steve is ftm. (Personally, I’m not a big fan of mpreg unless it’s like, biologically plausible 🤷‍♀️)

Under the cut bc it’s long and there’s a little bit of smut.

-

Billy’s hands were shaking as he raced out of the house.

He had a bag slung over one shoulder, had already put two others in the Camaro.

His dad had gone in hard today. Three days after Billy graduated high school and he’s already calling him a deadbeat, a fuck up. Telling him to get a job like he hasn’t worked every summer and most weekends since he was fourteen.

He lit a cigarette as he slid into the driver’s seat.

He was gonna make one stop on the way outta town.

-

Steve had given Billy a spare key months ago, after he was tired of always having to go downstairs and answer the door.

He liked it when Billy just made his way up, started kissing whatever skin was already exposed and asking Steve if he’s wet.

Tonight, Steve thought, was no different.

Billy was kissing up his calf, mouthing along his knee, a few fingers creeping up the leg of his shorts.

Billy was the best sex he’s ever had. Not a lot of gay guys will go down on Steve, some won’t even fuck him. He had been real hesitant to tell Billy, start having regular sex with his best friend, because he didn’t think Billy would want anything to do with him when he knew what he was bringing to the table.

But Billy had told him not to be an idiot, ate him out, and pounded him into the mattress.

And Steve was in love.

So he let Billy fuck him whenever he pleased, because at least Billy was giving him the time of day, at least he was getting some.

He opened his eyes, smiling lazily down at Billy.

“‘Time is it?”

“Almost two.” Billy was curling two fingers into his waistband, slowly pulling down his shorts, like maybe Steve wouldn’t notice.

Steve lifted his hips, and Billy whipped off his shorts, diving right in for his pussy.

He ate him out with the same fervor he did everything. Making all these gross slurping sounds, sucking on Steve’s cock and shoving his tongue inside him.

He made Steve cum twice on his face, as was the norm, before wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, and getting right to business.

He fucked Steve like he was mad at him.

He often did. And Steve knew he wasn’t mad at him, moreso mad at the other him, the him that’s ruined Billy’s life since before he was even born.

Steve wasn’t as dumb as everyone thought. Knew that when Billy snuck into his bedroom at odd hours of the night and absolutely ravished him, something bad had happened with his dad.

So when Billy finally rolled off of him, and lit a cigarette, Steve knew better than to ask.

“I’m leaving.” Steve just hummed at him. Billy sometimes stuck around after sex.

But Billy didn’t move.

“Like, leaving Hawkins.” Steve just hummed again. Billy talked a lot about leaving Hawkins. Steve had always secretly dreamed of running away with him. 

Billy just studied his face in the dark, stubbing out his cigarette and rolling over to hols Steve close to his chest.

Steve closed his eyes, let himself pretend.

Pretend that Billy loved him back.

-

He woke up to rustling, Billy getting dressed to leave as weak sunlight began to trickle through his curtains.

“Oh shit, didn’t mean to wake you.”

He smiled lazily at Billy.

“You comin’ back over tonight?” Billy looked stiff.

“Probably not. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. I’ll see you later, then.”

“Yeah. Later.” Billy was sitting on the end of his bed, had just finished tying on his boots.

And then he moved, quick as a flash to kiss Steve softly before he was thundering down the stairs.

Steve was just falling asleep as the Camaro roared away.

-

Billy had skipped town that night.

And Steve never forgave himself.

-

Steve was leaning over the counter, his head pressed into the cool top of it.

“I threw up all last week, and I just feel like shit.” He had been whining to Robin practically all morning at Family Video.

“Do you think you have the flu?”

“I don’t know, Rob. I mean, my stomach hurts a lot, but like, it feels like I’m just having awful cramps.”

“Are you on your period?”

“Nah. Don’t get it very often with the hormones anymore.”

“Normally I’d suggest pregnancy, but I know you’re in a bit of a dry spell.” He rolled slightly to look darkly at her. “Still no word of Billy?”

“No. The one person in Hawkins that isn’t too transphobic to fuck me, and he skips town.” Steve sighed. “I should’ve known, too. He was being super weird that night.”

“Whatever. When you and I skip town, we’ll have the time of our damn lives, and get you laid.” He laughed softly.

“I’m just gonna go to the doctor this weekend. Get a full physical.”

“Let me know the verdict at and I can come over with some medicine, if you need.”

“Thanks, Rob.”

-

Steve was lying back on the stiff exam table.

He had already given blood and urine samples, and was just waiting for the doctor to tell him what the fuck was wrong with him.

Sometimes his hormones had to be adjusted, and caused all sorts of weird shit to go haywire in his body.

Dr. Mauch was a kind woman, always been pleasant and accepting of Steve, even referred him to an endocrinologist for his hormones.

She didn’t smile when she came in, though. Just sat down at her stool.

“I’m going to go out a limb here and say that this is not news you’ll be happy about hearing.”

Steve felt his heart drop to his stomach.

“You’re pregnant.”

He blinked.

“No.”

“I’m sorry, Steve. But you most definitely are.”

“But, but I’m on blockers, and testosterone, and I haven’t had sex in months.”

“I’d say about six months.” His mouth was dry. Billy had left in late May. About six months ago. “And being on hormones is not an effective method of birth control. Some men still get pregnant after taking them.”

“I’m not, I don’t look pregnant.”

“Some people don’t really show their pregnancy. My sister was rail thin the entire time, had a perfectly healthy baby girl. It’s all about your body type.”

“So, so you’re telling me, that I’m six months fucking pregnant.”

“Yes.” He slumped back onto the exam table.

“What are, what are my options?”

“Well, unfortunately, not many. Abortions are only legal in Indiana up to 20 weeks, or five months, or unless the person pregnant is facing severely compromised physical health. There’s always adoption.”

“No one’s gonna want a baby from a trans guy.” She pursed her lips.

“I think that’s a harsh statement. Many people are desperate for babies.” Steve just stared at her.

“So, if I have to take it to term, should I like, go off my hormones.” His stomach gave a lurch at the idea.

“I would recommend it. There’s very little research one pregnancy in transgender individuals. We really don’t know how hormones can affect the baby.” Steve sighed. “I would say, get in with an OB/GYN. I can recommend a few I know and send them your medical history. Your name change and hormone therapy is part of all of it, so hopefully they will be kind.” Steve sighed.

“Thank you, Doc. I really appreciate it.”

“I’m sorry for the disappointing news.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” She gave him a copy of their appointment notes, a list of OB/GYNs for him to research, and a hug before she left.

He drove home slowly, feeling exhausted, like the weight of the fucking world was on his shoulders.

He got home to find Robin sitting on his front porch, her nose buried in a book, a pizza box sitting next to her.

She looked up at him, and he burst into tears.

-

“Look, Max, if he contacts you in any way, tell him to call Steve, okay? It’s important.” Robin was yammering to Max on the phone, trying to get a way to contact Billy.

Steve was laying on the couch, had his shirt rucked up over his stomach, pushing it out and sucking it in, trying to see any change in his body.

“Just give him Steve’s phone number and tell him he’s an asshole.” She hung up the phone, perching on the armrest at Steve’s feet.

“She know where he is?”

“No. She said he ran off and hasn’t contacted her at all. She didn’t even know he was leaving.” She slid onto the couch, let Steve put his feet on her lap. “You think he’d come back? If he knew?”

“I don’t know. I’m not really asking him to. I mean, I don’t think I’m in a place to take care of it, but I kinda just want him to know it exists. Like, I think he deserves that.”

“I get it.” Her voice was soft. She watched Steve stare at his tummy some more. “I’m sorry. I’m sure this is just, dysphoria out the wazoo.” Steve huffed a laugh.

“I don’t think it’s really hit me yet. I think ‘cause I’m not showing. I don’t look pregnant, so how can I be pregnant, you know?” He sighed tugging down his shirt. “Going to the doctor’s gonna be a damn nightmare, though. They’re too used to dealing with women. It’s gonna suck.”

-

Steve was right.

Even though his primary care doctor had sent his medical history, he still got deadnamed and misgendered at reception, and intake, and by the nurse, and the doctor when she finally arrived.

They gave him a pelvic exam, getting him in for a sonogram as well.

And as the doctor was moving the imagining wand around on his tummy, and he heard the heartbeat for the first time, something caved inside of him.

A baby. He was having a baby.

And part of him, a really fucking big part of him, was starting to love it.

-

His parents were home for four days.

And Steve had waited for the final day of their homesteading to tell them.

He’s glad he did.

Diner was as quiet as always, and Steve had nearly choked on the words.

“I’m pregnant.”

His father had gotten out his wallet, asked how much an abortion costs.

“I’m too far along for that. Nowhere will legally do it.”

His mother had just stared at him. His father asked how far along he was.

“Close to seven months. I didn’t even know until like, a week and a half ago.”

And his father had stood up, and the yelling began.

“I can’t believe you. You kick up this huge fuss, make us change your name, and the way we refer to you, go around telling everyone your a boy, and you get pregnant like the little slut you are.”

And he had told Steve to back his shit, told him he was not welcome in my house anymore.

And Steve didn’t have a lot of shit he cared about, the clothes he liked fit in one duffel bag.

His mother didn’t look at him as he left.

-

He had called Mrs. Henderson from a payphone.

Nobody else could give him a ride anymore, and he wasn’t expecting her to drop everything and drive him somewhere, but she had freaked out at the words kicked out and for getting pregnant, and told him to stay where he is.

She was there with a tight hug and a travel mug of honey lemon tea within twenty minutes.

Steve had asked for a ride to a youth shelter he had read about, but she shook her head, said you’re coming to live with me and Dusty and Steve had cried in her passenger seat, and again in her guest bedroom.

-

Steve groaned.

He had finally begun showing, just a little bit out a mound near his belly button.

But he felt like shit, had taken to spending most days in bed.

He bat away whoever was shaking him.

“Go away.”

“Steve, it’s Max.”

“I’m sleeping.”

“I found Billy, you asshole. I have his address.” Steve sat bolt up straight.

“You, where is he?”

“Boston. He went east, for some reason. But he sent me a letter, out of the blue, and I told him you had something important to say, but he said he doesn’t have a phone.” She handed him a slip of paper.

“Thanks, Max.” He gave her a weak smile, found her chewing her lip.

“Is he the father? The other father, I mean.” He had told the party about the pregnancy, figured rumors would begin spreading soon enough.

“Yeah. He’s the other father.”

“He wouldn’t have ditched you. If he’d known.”

“I know.”

“He’s not like that.”

“I know.” She stared him down. He kept his face open, honest.

“Are you gonna write to him?”

“Yeah. I just, I don’t really know what to say.”

“Just keep it simple. Tell him he’s got a kid. Let him choose what he wants.”

-

It took Steve almost a month to draft a letter.

He didn’t really know what to say.

He settled on the bare minimum.

I’m pregnant. And it is most definitely, without a doubt, yours. I’m not expecting anything from you. I don’t want money, or for you to move back to Hawkins. I just thought you deserve to know about your kid.

He read the letter about three times, one hand pressed delicately to his little bump.

I’ve decided to keep the baby. I’m going to raise them. You’re welcome to meet them, and be in their life if you choose, but if not, I’m not going to hold it against you.

He sealed the envelope, leaving it on his nightstand.

And then his contractions started.

He didn’t get around to sending it.

-

Claudia was the only person in the room with him when he gave birth.

She held his hand the whole time, coached him through his breathing.

And when his son was born, she pet his head, told Steve how beautiful he is.

-

Steve was slumped face down on the bed.

He had just gotten Oliver down, calmed him down enough for him to finally sleep.

He rolled over, scrubbing a hand down his face.

He had barely slept all week. But Oliver had smiled at him for the first time yesterday.

He turned to lay on his side, zeroing in on the envelope on his nightstand.

He sat up quickly.

Fuck. He needed to send that letter.

He didn’t bother thinking about it, just wrapped his sweater tighter around himself, and hurried to the mailbox. He put the little flag up, leaving the letter in the little inner clasp.

He looked back down at Oliver, running one finger over his fuzzy little head.

-

He didn’t hear from Billy for three weeks.

He knew the letter wouldn’t take more than a few days to get to him, and it would take just as long for Billy to get him back.

He had pushed Billy out of his mind, figured if he wanted to be part of Oliver’s life, he had given him enough of a chance to be.

He put on a thick sweatshirt, had taken to wearing baggy tops to hide his tits, too sore, too big to bind anymore. Oliver squealed at him when he leaned against the side of his crib, reaching out for him.

He strapped him into his stroller to take him on a walk, stopped dead in the doorway.

Billy fucking Hargrove was in the driveway, standing next to the Camaro like he had just gotten out of it.

His eyes were wide, trailing from Steve, to Oliver, and back again.

“Is that my kid?” Billy’s hair was shorter than when he had left.

“Oliver. His name is Oliver.” Billy stepped around the car.

“Can I, can I see him?” Steve brought the stroller down the driveway, taking Oliver out of the stroller.

Billy held him like he was made of gold.

“He’s beautiful.”

“I think he looks a lot like you.” Billy smiled at him.

“Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry I couldn’t get here, I was waiting for my semester to end.”

“It’s okay. I just, you know. Thought you deserved to know about him.” Billy stared at Oliver, his smile going soft as Oliver squealed, tugging on Billy’s hair.

“I want to be in his life. If that’s okay?”

“Of course it is. He’s your son too.” Billy brushed his thumb down Oliver’s nose.

“Thank you, Steve. And I’m, I’m sorry about how I left. I was going to-” he cut himself off, looking back at Oliver. “I was gonna ask you to come with me. Chickened out last minute.”

Steve’s heart was banging against his rips.

“I would’ve gone with you. Used to dream about running away with you.” Oliver started getting fussy, making disgruntled little huffs. Billy passed him back to Steve. “I was in love with you. You know that?”

“Yeah, I knew that. Was to chicken shit to do anything about it.” Billy was still looking at Oliver, the way he nestled into Steve’s neck. “He loves you a lot.”

“It’s been the two of us for awhile.”

“You’re a good dad. Always kinda figured you would be, though.” Billy took another breath. “You know, you could’ve told me sooner. I would’ve come back.”

“I don’t want you to, to change you life. Don’t quit school, or something.”

“Steve, I got a kid. I want to change my life for him. For, for you.”

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“No never did. I’m choosing this. I’m choosing my family.” Steve hesitated.

“Would you like to come in? Have some breakfast? You could give Oliver his bottle, If you wanted.” Billy’s eyes lit up.

“I’d like that.”

[saventhhaven]

Under the Weather

Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader

Tags: sick!reader, sweet!Dean, protective!Dean

Word Count: 1,151

A/N: Sorry that I’m getting this one up so late tonight, guys. If we’re being honest, I totally forgot that today was Friday :’)

(Gif not mine)

Sweat trickled down the back of your neck as you rolled over, groaning. Before you even had a chance to question why your body had chosen to rouse you from the mercifulness of sleep, your stomach clenched, and you had your answer. Your eyes flew open as you shoved the dampened blankets to the side, breaking into a full sprint for the bathroom. It was a good thing you had kept the toilet seat up earlier because within a few seconds of reaching the porcelain bowl, everything you had tried to eat a few hours ago came right back up. So much for dry toast and hot tea. 

When your body finally finished its heaving, you were shivering from the cold air against your skin and left with an intense throbbing just behind your forehead and temples. You reached forward to flush the toilet with another groan, spitting into the bowl again as your most recent attempt at food was whisked away. This was absolute torture. You hadn't been this sick since you had gotten the stomach flu as a kid. Even water was a challenge to keep down, which was a big issue. Groaning one last time for good measure, you stood and went over to the sink where your toothbrush had been on emergency standby for the past forty-eight hours.

When you had started feeling crappy a couple days ago, you had written it off as a hangover. Granted, you and Dean had been trying out a new drinking game the previous night. But when you had to make him pull over the next day so you could puke into a bush on the side of the road, you started to think maybe it was something more. And you weren't pregnant, thank God.

As you turned off the water, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and grimaced. You looked even worse than you felt. Your hair was matted and sticking up in several different gravity-defying directions, and your eyes were a watery red that could only come with sickness. Come to think of it, your eyes were a good deal hotter than usual, too - a sure sign your fever hadn't gone away during your nap. Turning off the bathroom light, you grumbled incoherently to yourself as you dragged your feet down the bunker's hallway. When you shuffled into the kitchen, Dean looked over at you from the stove in surprise.

"What are you doing out of bed, sweetheart? I told you if you needed something, I'd take care of it." You slumped into one of the stools at the table, sighing in relief as you rested your cheek on the cold surface.

"You're sweet," you said hoarsely, "but unless you're physically capable of throwing your guts up in my place, there wasn't a whole lot you could do for me this time." Dean stopped whatever he was working on and came over to you, crouching at your side.

"Did you get sick?" You nodded. "That's the third time today."

"Fourth," you corrected. "But who's counting?" He sighed as he pressed his palm against your forehead.

"Baby, you're burning up again. You take anything for the fever?"

"Doesn't matter," you replied. "I'll just throw it up again."

"Well, you should try to get some more rest." Having been with Dean for so long, you had gotten to see every side of him. During a hunt, he was gruff, all business, and didn't take any shit. When it came to you, though, he was protective, sweet, and far more affectionate than you had initially assumed. He cared about you, and it really showed.

"Don't want to," you protested shortly. "My sheets are all nasty from sick sweats." Dean made a face, crinkling his nose.

"Gross."

"You're telling me." He rubbed your back soothingly, a welcome gesture.

"You can camp out in the Fortress of Dean-i-tude if you want," he offered. This had you lifting your head from the table.

"Wait, really?" Aside from the occasional movie night when you would all cram onto the couch in front of the large TV, Dean was fairly territorial of the room. "I thought your man cave was off-limits."

"Not to my baby," Dean answered, standing as we went back over to the stove. "And don't tell Sam, but that's mostly just for show." You let out a soft chuckle and closed your eyes.

"I knew you were just a softie at heart."

"Hey, now, let's not go that far." Your stomach had finally begun to settle, leaving you with only exhaustion again. Dean was right. You really did need to get some more rest. Whatever sort of bug you had, it was taking its toll on your body, and you were down for the count. Head throbbing, you groaned. Dean placed the pot he was stirring on the back burner, and came back over to you, rubbing your shoulders.

"All right, come on, sweetheart. Let's get you all settled in and comfy." You blinked wearily at him as you pried your eyes open.

"I am comfy," you protested. Really, you weren't, but the fever aches had finally stopped, and you were afraid they would come back if you tried to move again. The green-eyed Winchester snorted.

"My ass." Dean scooped an arm under your knees, and you complied, winding your arms around his neck as he lifted you with ease. "How does a movie sound?" he questioned. "I can turn on some Star Wars, and we can cuddle while you try to nap. And if you get hungry later, I made you some of my mom's tomato rice soup." With a weak smile, you looked up at Dean gratefully. He always raved about the soup his mom used to make him when he was sick. You knew that Dean cared about you deeply, and you knew that he loved you just as much as you loved him. But you were touched by the lengths he went to show it.

"How did I get so lucky?" you asked him. He gently placed you on one of the couches in his man-cave, smoothing damp strands of hair off of your forehead. "I ask myself the same thing every day." You smiled again and had you not been feverish, you would've sworn that you were blushing. As Dean got the movie ready, you felt your eyelids begin to droop. Being so sick was exhausting. Just as you were beginning to drift off, Dean sat next to you, pulling a blanket over both of you. "Now, I want you to try and get some sleep, okay?" This time, you didn't argue. Instead, you merely nodded, allowing Dean to guide your head down to his lap, where he began to absentmindedly play with your hair. When your eyes finally closed, he leaned down, pressing a ghost of a kiss against your temple. "Feel better, sweetheart."

Thanks so much for reading! <3

Links to my masterlist, taglist, and inbox (requests are open!) are in my bio!

My Everythings:

@cole-winchester​ @alexwinchester23​ @1-am-made-of-stardust​ @thorukindig​ @fiftyshadesoffandom6783​ @hobby27​ @supernaturalenchanted​ @organicpurplepants​ @odysseyofasiren​ @defenderrosetyler​ @crystal-lilac​ @youshrimpdickfucknugget​

Dean Darlings:

@calaofnoldor​

[rosesvioletshardy]

life as we know it - b.h. - chapter 7

i originally planned on this chapter posting yesterday but i got caught up watching avatar the last airbender on netflix again so it ended up a little late. this chapter is also a little heavy on some subjects so if it bothers you please skip it. i tried not to put it too much seeing that it also made me a little uncomfortable so i hope it doesn’t bother y’all too much. 

masterlist

summary: when their two best friends die, it’s up to ben and y/n to take care of their goddaughter and face the challenges that come with it.

# of words: 3,427 (about)

warnings: talks of poop, mentions of vomiting, anxiety / panic attacks, fluff

taglist: @myfatbottomedgirls , @evemarie05, @suckerfor-fanfics

(message or inbox me if you want to added to the taglist for this fanfic)

---

(basically what ben wore to the guardianship hearing)

late may 2017 (charlie is 8 months)

ben was the first to awake, seeing that he couldn’t sleep anymore and decided he needed to go for a run after not having been on one for a while and took frankie with him. when he left, the sound of the door closing woke y/n up. getting out of the bed, she went to charlie’s room and found her already awake. after changing her diaper and clothes, they went downstairs to fix breakfast like they do every morning from now on

“okay charlie girl what do you want today? avocado and peas or oatmeal?” 

y/n didn’t get an answer but charlie just hitting her teething ring on the table of her high chair and babbled. charlie still hadn’t said her first word or started to walk and they feared that they hadn't been encouraging it enough to say her first words. 

“okay you’ll have the oatmeal today and avocado tomorrow. deal?” 

she had managed to feed both her and charlie and get breakfast ready for ben and frankie for when they came back. during the extra time she had, she put on some music and started to sing and dance along. picking charlie up from her and started to dance around causing her to giggle and squeal. ben came back from his run walking into the kitchen and seeing charlie and y/n dancing while she sang along before she turned around and saw ben recording her and laughing. when the song ended, y/n put charlie back into her high chair and ben went upstairs to shower and get ready. 

ben was about to leave for a meeting with his agent about a new movie after finishing breakfast and give charlie to y/n after having her on his lap, when he stopped dead in his tracks when he felt something heavy in charlie’s diaper and smelt something bad.

“do you smell that?” 

“smell what?” y/n asked him as she dried her hands off 

“her. do you smell that smell coming off her?” 

“oh maybe she pooped! she didn’t do it overnight or anything and i changed her diaper this morning but i didn’t think she would do it that quick.”

ben lifted her up to check to see and immediately regretted his thoughts as he pushed charlie towards her and started to gag

“yeah she needs a change. oh my god. my eyes are starting to water so bad.” 

“stop being a baby. c’mon let’s go” she said as they walked up the stairs to charlie’s room

ben laid her down on the changing table and took off her the pants she was wearing and unbuttoned the shirt. 

“okay. go on, do the thing.” he gestured to her as she stood next to him covering her nose

“what? why me? because i’m the girl?”

“yeah.”

“well i can’t-”

“ben you need to learn how to do something with her besides play! i’ve changed her diaper so many times since we had her and bathed her as well.” she said before continuing

“get in there. go ahead.”

“okay, fine. You know what? easy. if i can act, then i can do this. It’s not that -”

“it’s something you can check off your checklist. Check” y/n said as she did a check notion in the air

“what are you doing?”

“i don’t know what i’m doing. it’s not a bra that i’m taking off a girl. It’s a diaper that i’m taking off a baby, okay? is there a box of instructions?” 

“it’s not rocket science. just take the tabs off.”

“see those little tabs? just undo them.”

as ben undid the tabs and pulled the diaper away, both him and y/n were hit with a big surprise from charlie causing them to start gagging while she just laid there and giggled

“don’t do that! you’re going to make me vomit!”

“it’s like slumdog millionaire in there.”

“you’re going to make me throw up”

“she didn’t eat enough to even produce that! she had like two pieces of those cracker things-” ben started to yell as she started to hit him

“she’s getting it in her toes!”

“okay, okay, okay! give me those wipes! give me more” ben stated as she kept handing him wipes

“what, it’s like a poop suit.” ben started to say as they heard the doorbell ring making him run to go get it

“ben!? don’t leave me here!” y/n yelled

as ben ran down the stairs, their neighbors were arguing before the door opened

“i’m getting the feeling this is some kind of reconnaissance mission.” zachary, rachel’s husband said

“no one else is thinking this.” rachel said before ben quickly opened the door

“oh, hi!!” they all said

“Hey”

“we’re just, you know...here comes the street”

“what’s going on?” ben asked

“just uh, you know, bringing you some dishes, and whatnot. new parents have to stock the fridge. one, two, three. just because” rachel said laughing

ben knew exactly what they wanted which was them wanting to come inside. he gave in and told them to come in. this made him remember that he a meeting to go to and according to his agent it could be a big one

“come on it.” he said moving out of the way

“oh how unexpected! hope it’s not  bad time” amber said

“if you could all excuse me for just one minute while i make a phone call” ben politely said

ben left the room and went upstairs to find y/n cleaning up charlie and put her in a new onesie

“hey, the neighborhood watch is here. they brought us some-” ben said with his phone against his ear waiting for his agent to pick up stopping as soon as he saw her and pointed

she turned around for ben to find some of charlie’s poop on her cheek

“what? she’s perfect. no thanks to you. big coward” she said

ben tried to warn her about the shit on her face before talking to his agent and they walked down the stairs. ben giggled with charlie before following her down to where everyone was

“auntie y/n is in for a big surprise” ben giggled to charlie

y/n walked down the stairs to find a few of the neighbors that were at the funeral and reception there holding containers filled with food. when she reached the bottom, everyone cheered until what they saw on her face

“oh” 

“what?” she asked confused as to why everyone was looking at her funny

“Well honey, you have shit on your face.” who she recognized as rachel said

y/n’s eyes bugged out of her face as she began to touch her face to find the poop on her right cheek while ben stood there smiling.

walking back upstairs, she passed the mirror as she looked and almost screamed

“fuck, fuck, fuck. that’s so gross! how did i not notice? how did that even happen?” she started to whisper yell 

she quickly ran back to find one of the wipes and wipe the poop off her face causing her makeup to come off as well. she then ran back to the bathroom in a panicked state looking for her makeup to fix it. as she was putting another layer on, ben came into the bathroom telling to hurry up

“you got a little more. on the right.” ben started to say helping her

“just shut up. i swear”

“c’mon. the faster you finish, the faster we can get them out and i can go to the meeting. i only managed to get myself one more hour before i don’t get this. i’m just trying to help” ben said as she walked passed him and he laughed quietly to charlie

“well, if you stayed and helped this might not have happened” she stated as they walked down the stairs

when they walked down the stairs, they saw everything set up for breakfast that the neighbors had prepared. ben stopped in his tracks as he got a text saying it was his lucky day that the meeting got postponed to later in the evening as they got busy with a personal matter

y/n started to pour out coffee for all the adults as ben moved the playpen near them and put her inside it with a few of her toys

“are you guys doing okay with charlie? you look a little tired?” 

“oh yeah, that would be the not sleeping.” ben said

“it doesn’t show at all” everyone started to agree

“you don’t look that tired.” mike told ben

“don’t worry, because you’re not gonna sleep for 10 years.” rachel told them

“and you’re not never gonna get used to the children’s music.” zachary said

“i don’t think any of us knew what we’re doing when we become new parents” amber told them

“we had nine months to get ready and we still screw up about half the time”

“do you know what? i’m gonna get real serious. you have to get two things straight and i’m going to say: 1. get a sitter,” rachel started 

“and a backup”

“absolutely” 

“Number 2: you can never have enough paper towels” rachel finished

“when you shop at the shop now. they’re always out of milk and they don’t carry the unscented wipes” robert said

“that is true.” tom, robert’s husband agreed

“when you order motrin, or buy it, make sure you get the dye free”

“No BPAs. sippy cups, any plastics. you don’t want those chemicals”

everyone was hurling all this information on what to do and what to get to the point where y/n ran out of the room and straight to the bathroom to throw up from her anxiety. all the adults stopped talking and stared at her before turning to ben who followed her straight to the bathroom. softly knocking at the door, he entered to find her leaning against the tub, breathing heavily

“hey you alright?” ben asked

“i would say yeah, but then i’d just be lying to the both of us.” she told him

“what happened? what’s wrong?”

“nothing. i guess being a parent is more than we thought of and i think all the stress and nervousness from them talking about what wipes to get or what cups she should be using just got to me.”

“well you’re not alone on this. you got me too. same with jack and melissa, we can always ask my mum, there’s articles online. there’s a bunch of different resources to use. we don’t have to exactly listen to them, there are other sources.” he told her as she threw up again, holding her hair in a makeshift ponytail

“i guess.”

“now, we have people to entertain and finish talking to because the sooner that happens, the sooner we can go back to being alone and going to work or whatever.” ben told her getting up and offering her a hand

“you’re right. i hate it when you’re right.” she said as she began to wash her mouth out

“no i think you love it when i’m right.” he said in a cocky tone as they went back downstairs

charlie was now sitting in amber’s lap as they played with one of her toys while the other adults talked

“hey, how you feeling? what happened?” 

“are you okay? are you pregnant?” 

questions were being hurled at her like the comments before but y/n had managed to keep the vomit down this time

“i’m fine and no, i'm not pregnant. hopefully not for a while. most likely was from last night's dinner, maybe something bad.” 

“that’s good. hope you feel better. well, i think it’s time for us to leave. we all have work, and i know you both do too.” amber said handing back charlie to y/n

“thank you for coming. the food was delicious.” she tells them as they all head for the door

they all said their goodbyes and ben and y/n have never felt so tired in the morning like this. they were somewhat used to this now due to charlie teething at the moment so there are times in the middle of the night where they wake up to help her soothe her gums. ben went to go take charlie upstairs for her nap while she decided to check her phone while finishing getting ready after cleaning the table and putting the leftover breakfast in the fridge and dishes in the dishwasher. as she scrolled through the news, she saw a rather interesting article about ben from The Daily Mail, which she has learned to hate. when she clicked on it, she started to choke on her coffee when she read the headline. after pulling herself together, she reread the headline to make sure it was right,

 “eastenders actor ben hardy with a secret girlfriend and baby strolling london?” 

she took a deep breath and pressed on the article to read it knowing that it won’t be the best idea

“Earlier this week, former EastEnders actor Ben Hardy was caught strolling in London for lunch with bakery owner y/n l/n, their dog, and their child. it is unknown whether or not how long they have been together. They were seen by a source going into l/n’s bakery, Eats ‘n’ Treats for lunch and stayed there for a couple of hours before leaving and taking a small stroll around Hyde Park. A month ago, Hardy and L/N’s friends were killed in a car incident. Hardy recently starred in an episode of “Drunk History” where he played King Arthur and as Archangel in the Marvel movie “X-Men: Apocalypse.”

ben walked back down to see y/n clutching her phone to the point where if she had any more strength, it would break. her face was pale too, eyes bugging out. he went to her to see what was wrong where all she could do was hand her phone to ben. he seemed confused at first before he read what she was reading. he had never liked gossip sites, no matter what they were or who. he sat down next to her and they thought about how they could tell people the truth about their situation. he looked at her and without even having to open their mouths, she nodded knowing it would be the right thing to do. ben got out his phone and opened Instagram and picked out a photo of him, y/n, and charlie all together from when she was first born. he spent a few minutes on the caption and making sure there weren’t any mistakes, and posted the picture. the two didn’t say another word and he watched her as she left for work. ben was pretty sure that his agent was going to be bringing it up at the meeting later in the evening. 

ben hadn’t looked at his phone all day or called her. she hadn't done the same either. tyler had tried to talk to her about it but he knew she didn’t want to and respected his friends' choices. her shop became more crowded than usual after the article, specifically fans of ben. she decided it would be best for her to go into her office to work and be in the back until the shop closed. ben had stayed home with charlie and cleaned up around the house and cooked dinner or at least tried to. he wanted to apologize for dragging her and charlie into the mess he calls his life as an actor and wanted to at least make up for it. the one thing he didn’t think of was what would sean think of the article. he couldn’t believe that he would be that dense to believe anything a gossip article would say. 

y/n had managed to arrive back home a few minutes later than usual and entered to see the table set up with dinner and candles lit up. she dropped her bag off at the couch and took her heels off and walked into the kitchen to find ben pouring some wine. white, this time so nothing would happen like what would happen when she drank red. 

“why did you do this?” she asked him

“i wanted to apologize to everything that has happened recently. Specifically what we read this morning from the tabloids. i tried using a cookbook to follow everything to the point where i think i just ended up guessing on everything. hopefully i won’t try to poison us and i hope it doesn't.” ben said all in one breath

all she could do was let out a small laugh and go to one side of the table admiring the food he made. it didn’t look bad and it didn’t smell bad either. “he really outdid himself, huh?” she thought

ben walked over to her and placed the glass of wine in front of her and pulled out her chair for her to sit. she kindly did so and watched as he went to sit next to her. she began to have this feeling in her stomach. a feeling she used to have with sean when they first began to date but not as much anymore. y/n quickly shook her thoughts away and watched as he began to put some of the spaghetti carbonara on her plate. the two ate in silence before she spoke up.

“it’s really good. but why did you do this? an apology would’ve just been enough.” 

“yes, but i know you’ve been working more hard on everything the past couple months that i felt like you deserve something better. i know we have our ups and downs but-” ben started to say until his phone ringing interrupted him

“answer it. it sounds important.” she told him as she saw that the contact name was his agent

ben gave her a small, sorry, smile before leaving the room. y/n tried to finish the rest of her food but she had too much going on in her mind before snapping out of her thoughts when ben came back in.

“i’m really sorry i have to do this but i have a meeting to go to. it’s something about a new movie and they want to talk to me about it before getting me an audition in a couple of months.” ben said with a sorrowful look on his already feeling more guilty

“no, ben it’s fine. you’re getting bigger and i couldn’t be more proud. just go, i’ll clean up. the food was great though. thank you.” she told him standing up

“are you-”

“yes. ben i’m sure. now go. i don’t want you to miss out on a big opportunity like this.” 

ben gave her a small smile apologizing again before putting his shoes on and walking out the door and glanced over his shoulder, back at her to find her putting the dishes in the sink and the food in a tupperware. he closed the door and headed towards his car to go to his agent's house. when she was done with the rest of the dishes, she drank the rest of her glass of wine and went to check on charlie seeing that she hadn't seen her since the morning. 

upon entering her room, frankie quickly got up to see who the intruder was. after smelling the scent of the person and knowing who it was, she went back to her spot near charlie’s crib. y/n walked over to find her peacefully sleeping and lightly brushing the frame of her face. she looked at her for a few more minutes before looking around the room and seeing the picture of christian and lennon. picking it up, she held the picture close to her for a few minutes before setting it back down and heading back downstairs. she tried to watch some TV to distract herself but there wasn’t anything good for her so she just left it on with the volume on low and found herself slowly falling asleep on the couch.

when ben came back home, it was late, almost 12 am. he quietly closed and locked the door before hearing noises coming from the living room and realizing it was the tv. he walked over to turn it off before he saw y/n asleep on the couch. he turned the show off and went over to her and softly picked her up to take her to her to her room. closing the door, he went to change out of his clothes and got ready for bed himself.

[doctorcanon]

The Gross One | DanganRonpa V3, Post Game

Spoilers. 

So I’ve been kind of wrestling with the ethics of the DanganRonpa game/show in canon. It would be toxic fandom culture turned up to 11 maybe 12. Just think about all Tea/Drama channels that would religiously keep up with Former DanganRonpa cast members, just like Bachelor contestants. So unlike my last piece, they’re kids here. The game hinted that their in-game names weren’t their real names so I gave them names. 

Kokichi - Ikki Nomura (had a breakdown on the set of a TV Show is now in the hospital) Shuichi - Daisuke Nakamura (has become instantly famous and doesn’t really get why everyone’s upset) Korekiyo: Keiji Taro (Has bad asthma and needs a dust mask during the day, doesn’t actually have a sister)

Warning: talk of suicide, bullying, excessive hate mail, incest (because korekiyo) and an overabundance of “fuck”. 

“Can I be honest with you, Taro-san?” Daisuke asks timidly. Keiji shrugs; this guy is going to vent his emotions no matter what he does so he might as well get it over with. “I feel kinda bad but I like the attention, you know?” Daisuke blushes lightly, embarrassed at the thought of standing out. Keiji wishes for death. “Being Shuichi was just supposed to be like...a throw away thing. I was supposed to be the first to die. Like we rehearsed the execution and everything but I got to be the hero. It’s still sort of hard to believe.”

“Yeah, I bet.” Keiji mutters. Daisuke realizes that Keiji is only half listening.

“What’s wrong?” 

“Not to rain on your parade or anything but you’re Saihara fucking Shuichi, the hero of the series finale of DanganRonpa, one of the most expansive virtual shows in the world. With all that protagonist energy, you couldn’t possibly understand what Ikki’s going through.” Keiji replies a bit harsher than intended but he doesn’t take it back. 

“Ikki?”

“Yeah, that’s his first name.” Daisuke stares blankly at him and he considers leaving the silent question unanswered, but someone is going to find out sooner or later. “We went to the same school and were in different classes but...yeah. He used to get picked on a lot. He needed a tall friend.” 

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” 

“You never asked.” Keiji intended to be harsh that time, but Daisuke doesn’t really get it.

“You don’t go to the same school anymore?” The younger boy asks. Keiji suppresses a groan. 

“No.”

“Why?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Keiji snaps. “Are you actually so stupid, you can’t think of a single reason why Ikki and I had to transfer schools?” Daisuke’s blank, confused stare tears him up inside. How? How can you be this blissfully ignorant? He wants to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the producers haven’t been honest with him. Maybe he doesn’t visit the DanganRonpa forums anymore. But Ikki is on suicide watch, for god’s sake and Daisuke has the nerve to tell him that all this attention is feels good. Keiji digs in his pocket for his phone and opens the email inbox. “Just read it.” 

It’s all hate. Not just your typical twitter hate, either. It’s pictures of gore, death threats, incest hentai gifs, lovingly rendered drawings of Korekiyo holding his beloved seesaw scythe over his hand as he’s boiled alive. The graphic images make Daisuke’s heart drop. The hate goes all the way back to the contestant leak before the show even started. Keiji gets at least five of these messages from people all over the world every day. Changing his number isn’t so easy when fans keep leaking it.  

“Kids at school started throwing handfuls of salt at me.” Keiji adds spitefully. “When it triggered one of my asthma attacks, Mom thought it would be better for me to move back to Yokohama with them and move to a different high school.” A bitter laugh bubbles up from his chest. Daisuke looks scared. Good. “You know what sucks about all this?” Daisuke almost makes a guess but Keiji keeps rambing. “I cut my hair. I took out my contacts and I even threw away almost every hat I owned. But! I still need my fucking mask every day because asthma doesn’t care if you feel like shit.” Daisuke has a feeling he’s not talking to him anymore. “It doesn’t matter what mask I wear. Someone always recognizes me when I have it on. And it sucks.” Keiji stands up. “It sucks! Do you have any idea how much it sucks to be Korekiyo - the sister fucker?”

“People are staring…” 

“Good! They stare all the time. Get used to it since you like the attention.” Keiji snarls. 

“What does Nomura-kun have to do with any of this?” Daisuke is almost afraid to ask but it doesn’t stop him.

“Are you joking?” Daisuke shakes his head rapidly. “As Kokichi, Ikki is responsible for two of the most beloved characters in the franchise and canonically sinking every precious S.S. Makito ship.” A pause, and then...

“But he tried to save everyone, didn’t he?” There’s a dangerous pause. For a moment, Keiji seriously considers punching Daisuke across the face. He doesn’t care that he’s still wearing his school uniform. He can take a suspension. If his homeroom teacher can even make eye contact with him, that is. His permanent record doesn’t matter. I Played Korekiyo Sister Fucker Shinguji is pretty much a life sentence. Maybe Ikki had the right idea.

“That doesn’t matter.” Keiji replies. “I don’t even have a sister. I have three brothers. The youngest of which won’t talk to me because I was “the gross one”.” Daisuke doesn’t know what to say. In DanganRonpa, Kokichi is almost a hero but what does that make Ikki? He was already being bullied. The attention, something Daisuke had been enjoying up to now, only made it worse. Whatever happened, it drove him to threaten suicide. 

“I...should go. See him, I mean.” Daisuke says carefully. Keiji takes out his inhaler and after shaking it, pulls down his mask and takes three big huffs. 

“Yeah.” He replies, coughing slightly. “Try not to say anymore stupid shit.”

[kurokoros]

Smut in Fandom Spaces: Taboos and Why People Write Them

Okay, two people said they wanted my thoughts on why taboo subjects are becoming more popular in fandom smut circles (and in the porn industry as a whole) and that’s good enough for me!

Warning: this post is going to discuss topics NSFW such as porn, rape/assault, dubious consent, incest, and pedophilia. Everything will be under a read-more, but I still want people to be aware of that if they decide to continue reading.

I’m going to preface this post by saying this post isn’t to insult anyone who does write about taboo topics. Personally, I don’t like it. I won’t read fics that romanticize certain topics. And while I’m not a morality purist by any means, I do think that incest and dramatic age-gaps shouldn’t have such a large presence in fandom spaces. That being said, I do understand why those fics have become popular to write, at least to a certain extent, and I, myself, have also upped the ante when it comes to writing smut fics.

I get it.

The presence of taboos in smut fics and the porn industry as a whole, are a direct result of porn becoming more readily available to people. I wouldn’t even call porn an open secret anymore, because there’s nothing secret about it in this year 2020. I’ve watched porn. Most of my friend’s have watched porn. My younger sibling has probably also watched porn at some point. It’s easily accessible, and so long as your mom and employer don’t know about it, no one really cares who does or doesn’t watch it.

I’ve been reading smut for the better part of a decade, maybe longer, but definitely younger than I should have been while reading it. At that time, AO3 was still getting off the ground, tumblr was still pretty quiet when it came to fandom spaces, and FanFiction.net was still the primary place a lot of people were reading fics. FF.net was, and still is, a smut purist website. I was there for the fandom explicit content purges. I saw all of the fics that were removed because they had even the smallest hint of smut.

At the time, writing even super vanilla smut on FF.net felt like you were doing something scandalous. I don’t think I ever read something more hardcore than “Character A ties up Character B” on FF.net, but that isn’t to say the smut wasn’t incredibly explicit. Harder kinks just weren’t necessary when you were already flirting with trouble just by writing basic smut. Most fandoms had maybe one or two big name fans (BNFs) who wrote smut, or were at least well known for writing smut, even if other members of the fandom did as well. These BNFs could write more softcore smut and still be hailed as “smut queens” simply because they were the only ones writing smut with any kind of frequency.

In my experience, this continued until about circa 2013-2014 when tumblr and A03 started to become bigger writing platforms than FF.net was at the time.

So, writers make their move to Tumblr and AO3 where explicit fics were and still are allowed to openly circulate in fandom spaces. For the first time, people are able to share their smut with no restraints. What used to be one or two BNF smut writers becomes a dozen. Everyone is writing smut because now it’s normal and there’s no real sense of shame in doing so. You get smut requests in your inbox. Your smut fics get more hits and kudos than your SFW fics. People just really like to read and write smut.

In fact, writing and reading smut becomes so normal that suddenly people aren’t getting the same feeling of taboo or shame when they post a fic or read about Character A tying down Character B anymore. You need something a little more extreme than that.

I can’t say for certain if the rise in non-con/dub-con smut came before BDSM leaning fics became popular, or after, but I know that seeing non-con/rape fantasy fics was definitely a huge shock when I first saw them in fandom spaces. It was the most scandalous thing ever to 16-17 year old me who was probably still too young to be reading smut fics to begin with. And you know what? Those fics were always pretty popular, especially on AO3. I didn’t get it. I definitely made anti posts about it back in the day. And now that I’m twenty-three and seen some shit in fandoms, I kind of get it.

Yes, I have read non-con/dub-con fics. Yes, I do still think rape isn’t something that should ever be romanticized. That being said, I do kind of understand the appeal. Not enough to ever write a non-con fic or rec one to people, but I do get it to some degree. A lot of non-con smut reads more like dom/sub smut with a powerplay aspect, but written by people who don’t give a shit about writing aftercare.

(Note: this is not me saying non-con smut falls under the category of BDSM smut, I’ve just noticed that there are some similarities I’ve noticed in the way they’re written.)

So, non-con becomes a popular smut sub-genre. It’s controversial. It gets people notes. People start to feel that little burst of shame again whenever they click post on that rape fantasy fic or consider clicking on that dub-con fic they keep seeing in the tags.

You know what else was popular around this time? That’s right: rape fetish porn.

Okay, so non-con smut gets popular and over-saturates the smut pool. People don’t feel quite so dirty for reading non-con anymore. The fics don’t necessarily lose their appeal, but it’s not as shocking to see them anymore. You see a non-con fic, sigh, and move on with your life because that’s just how fandoms are now.

Non-con just isn’t as taboo as it was before, so fandoms have to move onto the next thing. Again, I don’t know if adult/child smut was more popular before or after incest smut, but I think it was adult/child. I haven’t read any of it. I don’t want to. I think large age-gaps are gross and they’re a huge squick of mine. My parents were nine years apart in age, I’m allowed to say that.

So adult/child smut starts getting popular. Again, this plays into power dynamics. People could just write dom/sub fics instead, but I guess those just aren’t shocking enough for people, or BDSM is still seen as weird (even though people are literally writing about teachers fucking their students, but whatever), so instead we get age-gaps and unhealthy power-dynamics instead. Loli characters in anime are a huge part of this. Student/teacher, dad/babysitter, etc are popular categories on pornhub.

Oh, but what about when age-gaps stop being shocking to people? Boom. Incest. Incest is the new popular taboo subject in smut, porn, and general media. Most of the big ships in Game of Thrones have some level of incest (I blame GOT and that fandom for incest becoming popular in fandom spaces, but that’s just me). Jon/sa are cousins raised as siblings. Jon/arys are aunt/nephew. It was present in Star Wars when people were so sure that Rey and Kylo Ren were cousins, but people were shipping them anyway. “Incest” porn is probably the most popular category on pornhub right now.

By now you guys know where this is going.

People don’t read/write smut fics about non-con, age-gaps, and incest because they’re actually into those taboo things, they just want the shame and “dirty” feelings that come with them. Fandom spaces went from leaving everyone so repressed that some heavy petting was enough for people to get off on, and now there’s so much smut available that now people have to resort to some of the most inexcusable things in order to get that same rush.

I’ve noticed in a lot of fandom spaces recently that you’ll have large groups of smut writers that are all friends, and they seem to try to out kink one another with their fics, pushing boundaries until suddenly people are writing rape, or borderline pedophilia, or incest fics that get super popular.

And you know what, I’ve been guilty of this myself. I haven’t written any of the things I’ve talked about here, but I’ve definitely written kinkier fics with the sole purpose of having them be a little shocking. Fandoms are a very slippery slope when it comes to what’s acceptable. And it is so easy to want to push those boundaries because you know you’ll get a reaction if you do.

I’m not quite sure how to end this rant/analysis, but this is my experience with fandom and what I’ve seen over the last decade of participating in fandoms. Over time, you become desensitized to some of the “nastier” aspects of shipping and smut, and I think it’s kind of fascinating to look at the way things snowball. Things like non-con and incest are less about actually romanticizing the horrible things that happen to actual people, and more about feeling that shame people used to get while reading smut on their family computer back in the day. That’s my takeaway on all of this.

If you got this far, thank you for bearing with my thoughts!

[ironspiidey]

Superhero’s get Bullies Too Part 10

Chapter 1

Chapter 10: Harley Stark & Throat Punching a Bully

Read on AO3

Thats right guys finally a new update!!!!!!

friendly reminder a hoe for likes and comments. They also fuel me :)

“So you and May eh?” Peter says with a smirk as he slides into the backseat of the car.

Happy glances in the rearview mirror. “Me and your Aunt are just friends Peter.”

Peter rolls his eyes. “Liar. I know my aunt well enough to know you two are more than just friends Happy.”

Happy tossed Peter his phone before turning out of the apartment parking lot and in the direction of the tower.

“Oh thanks!” Peter unlocks his phone and scrolls through his texts, seeing a bunch from his very concerned boyfriend, which made him smile. “Stop ignoring me.”

“I’m not ignoring you.”

“You’re not, not ignoring me either.” Peter looked up from his phone to give the driver a pointed look in the mirror.

Happy shook his head. “Your aunt and I are friends Peter, we may have hung out once or twice.”

“Three times.” Peter says without looking up from his phone, quickly sending a message in his group chat with MJ, Gwen & Ned about how Happy’s picked him up and brought him his phone.

“Excuse me?”

“You’ve hung out with her 3 different times. First time was when she went looking for me at the Tower but I was at a decathlon thing, you took her for coffee but only told Mr. Stark you were taking her home.”

“How?”

“How do I know? Well we did some major catching up during pee and snack breaks today when we were watching Greys.”

Happy nods in understanding “Ah okay, She does become easier to talk to when that TV show is involved.”

“Did you two ‘Netflix and Chill’ in my living room?”

The older man remains quite.

“Oh gross.”

Happy chuckles as he puts the partition up, clearly having enough of the redheads 21 questions.

Peter shakes his head and looks down at his phone. He starts deleting old conversations to clean up his inbox and his thumb hovers over Harley’s messages. He opens the conversation and sighs.

H: Hey Pete, not sure when youll see this but yeah. I know your upset with Stark for looking in your phone but he cares about you a lot more then he lets on which I know is hard to believe

 H: my point is trust is huge with him and he’s low key freaking out that he lost you even though im saying he hasn’t bc your too stubborn to give up on his crazy ass. Just maybe cut him some slack when you get here. He means well.

 H: and Im kinda getting used to having you around so yeah.

Peter bites his lip debating on digging out the messages from Flash that he archived a few months ago or deleting them. Knowing that it will send Tony even more over the edge then the superhero already is but at the same time remembering how upset he sounded when he found the one conversation. Peter sighs as he responds to Harley’s messages.

 P: Don’t worry Harley, it’s going to take more than one fight to get rid of me. I know he cares and tell him to stop being a dumbass and that he hasn’t lost me.

Peter sighs again, realizing if things are truly going to work he needs to be as truthful as possible with the older man

 P: and tell him I have something to show him when I get there.

 H: So happys picked you up? How long till your home also will do parker

Peter knocks on the partition.

“Yes Peter?” Happy responds once he brings the glass screen down half way

“How far are we away from the Tower?” Peter asks without looking up, shooting his boyfriend a quick text about how he isn’t mad, that he still loves him and everything will be alright.

“About 20 minutes, traffic seems slow today.”

“Thanks Happy.”

Peter goes back to his conversation with Harley and tells him just that, switching to Tony’s chat as his phone vibrates.

 T: my nephew ratted me out didn’t he?

 P: Or I could be telepathic

 T: without even being near me?

 P: I always said we were meant to be :P

 P: But seriously Tones, you know I love you. I’m not going to run away that easily.

 T: I love you Underoos

 P: Happy says I should be home in 20 minutes, should I order takeout?

The younger man’s phone buzzes, showing Tony’s caller ID

“I’ll take that as a yes?”

“Actually no.” Tony starts “I have something planned here and no I’m not telling you what it is.”

‘Don’t worry Parker, you’re going to love it!!!’ Peter hears Harley holler in the background

“Another dinner? You really are sucking up.” Peter says with a grin

“What? Cant a man provide a nice dinner for the ones he love.”

“You’re definitely up to something Tony.”

“Always. Harley here go put this on the table. Okay Petey I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

“Okay Tones, love you.”

“Ditto.”

Peter smiles to himself after disconnecting the call. Happy smirked as he glanced in the rearview mirror. Peter noticed and raised an eyebrow “What?”

“Not a thing.”

"So your Uncle let you come to school Keener?"

Harley gave him a look as he entered the building "What the fuck do you want?"

After the weekend the blonde just had. Finding out just how much of a piece of shit Flash was, Harley’s patience was nonexistent with the other teen.

"I want in."

"In on what?"

"Parker."

Harley's eyes widen "What the fuck do you mean? It’s too fucking early to deal with your dumbass"

"Don't play stupid with me. I know you’re fucking him, and maybe even your uncle is too. I want a fucking piece with or without your help."

"Is that a fucking threat?"

"It's a promise."

"You leave Parker the fuck alone or I'll fucking end you." the blonde teen growled.

"Ah ah ah, what would your uncle say if you got into another fight?"

Harley stepped up into Flash's personal space "He'd fucking congratulate me for putting an end to your disgusting, useless life."

Flash pushed him back. "Gonna kill me are you?"

"C'mon Harley, Flash isn’t worth it. Think about Peter." Harley’s friend, Tommy finally spoke up. Harley didn’t exactly tell Tommy everything but Tommy knew Flash was on some serious thin ice based on some texts between Flash and Parker. Harley had a bad temper on a good day but after whatever happened this past weekend, well Tommy was pretty sure his friend was just a ticking bomb ready to explode.

"Yeah Harley," Flash mocked. “Who would save him if you're stuck in jail being somebodies little bitch."

Harley turned to his friend and laughed manically "Ha, this guy."

"Oh no." Tommy sighed as Harley turned back to the bully and punched him in the throat. So much for a quiet Monday.

Flash fell back grasping at his throat before lunging at the blonde. "You’re going to regret that."

Harley quickly dodged him, sticking his foot out so the brute fell. He flipped him over and grabbed a hold of his collar. "You are going to regret ever fucking with Parker.” Harley spat and he hauled his arm back and started punching him repeatedly

Tommy sighed and leaned against the wall, keeping an eye out for teachers or Flash's boys. They were by the side entrance of the school that nobody uses except the kids smoking but you couldn’t be too careful. Plus the last thing they needed was Parker coming around and seeing this.

After a few punches were thrown Harley let off. He wiped the blood on his knuckles off on Flash’s shirt then got up.

"Know your fucking place Thompson. Ready to go?"

Tommy turned and nodded "Yeah let’s bounce before Parker shows up."

"This isn't fucking over!" Flash sputtered as moved to get up.

Harley turned and spit in front of the other teen. "If you know what's good for you, it'll be over."

"How long do you think we've got till he blabs to someone?"

Harley shrugs "Hopefully till lunch."

As they make their way to the front of the school Tommy’s phone starts buzzing. "What the fuck?"

Harley looked at him puzzled. “What?"

The other boy tilted his screen so that he could see "See for yourself."

"Why is Parker calling you?”

"The better question is how he got my number. Harley!"

The blonde put his hands up “Wasn't me dude. Well answer it!"

Tommy gave him a funny look before answering. "Yo."

 "Hey Tommy? It’s Peter. Peter Parker. "

"Hi Parker."

 "Hi! Is Harley with you?"

"Yep, wanna talk to him?" Harley held his hand out

 "Um no actually I wanted to talk to you. You don't have me on speaker do you?"

Tommy shook his head at his friend, shrugging when Harley gave him a confused look. "Nope."

 "Okay great. Well I just wanted to say it’s my fault he didn’t get to hang out with you this weekend."

"Your fault?" Tommy pushed Harley away when he tried to listen in.

 "Yeah uh well you see." Peter coughed, clearly nervous "Harley got angry at Flash because of me and To- Mr. Stark was not impressed and basically put him on house arrest."

"House arrest?” Tommy glanced at his friend, mouthing 'He's apologizing'

 "Yeah. His uncle didn't trust him."

"I don’t blame him there, Harley's a heathen." he snickered, wincing when Harley punched him in the arm.

 Peter giggled "I'm not sure what he told you so I just wanted to clear things up in case he said something stupid like he had a date or something."

"That would be stupid?"

 "Well duh, he's your best friend and he shouldn't lie to you. Especially not for me. Could you do me a favor?"

"Depends on what it is?"

 "Nothing bad! I just want you to keep an eye on Harley and maybe uh make sure he stays away from Flash. I'm worried he's going to do something stupid and then To- Mr. Stark would lose it and it'll be a giant mess. So if you could do that for me that be great."

Tommy shook his head. "Yeah Parker I can do that but you owe me one alright?"

 "I expect nothing less. See ya Tommy"

"What was that about?” Harley questioned him as the call ended.

“Parker is too smart for his own good. He just called me to ask me to keep an eye on you and keep you away from Flash."

"To keep an eye on me?"

"Yup."

"He's something else. Bet my uncle had something to do with it." Harley pulled out his phone as they entered the building, texting his uncle

 H: did you tell Peter to call Tommy?

"Yeah that’s the other thing!"

Harley looked up from his phone “Other thing?”

“Yeah he kept starting to call your uncle by his first name than correcting himself.”

“Oh.” Harley tried to remain normal but was freaking out inside. If Tommy was to ask any questions about his uncle and Parker, well Harley wasn’t sure how he’d be able to lie to his best friend without him becoming suspicious.

“Yeah like I know he’s his intern and you two are kinda friends and hang out at your place together so I’m sure he doesn’t call him Mr. Stark. There’s no reason to cover it up.”

Harley shrugged “Yeah well maybe he’s trying to hide that we hang out?”

“Why would he call me to say he’s the reason you couldn’t hang this weekend then?”

“He did what? I thought you said he called to make sure you kept an eye on me?”

“Well he did. But first he wanted to make sure I knew that you didn’t chill this weekend because of something to do with Flash bugging him and you and Stark got into it.”

“Why would he bring that up?”

Tommy shrugged. “Somethin about worrying you’d make up some shit story about a date to cover it up. I’m your best friend and you shouldn’t lie to me especially for Parker.”

Harley gave him an unimpressed look.

“What? His words not mine.”

“Sure.”

“I’m serious! Then he asked about keeping an eye on you. So see what I mean when it makes no sense?”

Harley was about to respond when his phone buzzed

 Stark: No. Did you do something that would require him to talk to Tommy?

 H: Not even. So you’re telling me you had nothing to do with him getting a hold of Tommys number to call him?

 Stark: You are becoming paranoid nephew  .

 H: That don’t answer my question uncle.

 Stark: *doesn’t. Stark: Get to class I’ll see you after school.

Harley rolled his eyes as he put his phone back in his pocket. “Sorry what?”

“Were you even listening to me?”

Harley sighed. “Yes buttercup. Peter thinks you shouldn’t lie to me, wants you to keep an eye on me and hiding our friendship makes no sense considering he called you about that shit.”

��Someone is moody as fuck today.”

“Sorry man it’s just my uncle.”

Tommy raises an eyebrow “That or Flash hit a nerve.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well I mean dude you have a temper but the last time I seen you beat the shit outta somebody like that over a conversation was when my girlfriend was given a hard time. So unless someone you know is dating Parker, you’re catching feelings.”

Harley scrunched his nose up in disgust. “Fuck no. He’s just my Uncle’s intern man.”

“Since when has your uncle needed you to protect his interns?” Tommy challenged

“Since he started having a nerd the size of a beanpole for an intern.”

Tommy gave him a look as they entered first class.

“Seriously. You’ve seen how skinny he is. If Flash wanted to do some damage it wouldn’t be that hard!”

Tommy nods. Seeing Ned and Liz walk into class, he nudges Harley with his foot. Hoping he’ll get the hint to shut it.

Harley gave him a confused look before seeing Peter’s friends walk in.

“Hey Harley!” Ned stops in front of his desk.

“What’s up Leeds?”

“Was Peter with you this morning?”

“No. Didn’t he have some nerd thing with you at 8?”

Ned nods “Yeah but he didn’t show.”

Harley felt his heart drop into his throat. Peter never missed early periods. The whole point of them was so that a day or two a week he could spend the afternoon at SI. “Did you hear from him?”

Tommy glanced at Harley while trying to act indifferent. Last thing they needed was Ned snooping around if Harley did have a thing for the other teen.

Ned shook his head. “He texted me around half 7 saying he’d be there but he didn’t show.”

Harley looked confused. “Well I’m sure everything’s fine. Maybe something came up with SI.”

“I don’t think so. He’s only supposed to be an active intern outside of school hours.”

Harley shrugs “You’re just a worry wart Leeds.”

Liz nodded “See me and MJ told you everything was probably fine. Go sit down mother hen.” She pushed him in the direction of where they usually sat.

“Do us all a favor though and text your uncle. I really don’t feel like listening to Ned worry all damn day.” She whispered as she passed both boys.

After they were out of ear shot Tommy leaned forward. “Well we heard from him like 20 minutes ago so everything should be fine right?”

“Clearly Flash didn’t have anything to do with whatever’s going on.”

“You should get ahold of Stark. Leeds will probably try calling his aunt if we don’t find out what’s up.”

Harley shuddered at the thought. His uncle was scary but Peter’s aunt? She was a damn nightmare when it came to her nephew. “Shit your right. I got no interest in dealing with the wrath that is May Parker.”

Harley quickly takes his phone out and sends his uncle another text.

 H: Hey is Peter with you?

He frowns when immediately his phone rings showing Tony’s contact. “Shit.” He muttered under his breath. “He’s fucking calling me.”

Tommy looked at him in alarm “Who Peter?”

“No. Stark!” He whispered harshly as he got up quickly heading outside.

“Hello?” Harley answered once he was outside of the room.

“Why are you asking about Peter?”

“Because-”

 Tony cut him off “Why aren’t you in your English class?”

“Well I was in fucking English before Peter’s friends started asking me where the fuck he was!”

“Language nephew. Why are they asking you where he is?”

“Apparently I’ve become his fucking keeper or something. All I know is he didn’t show for that thing for early period and Ned is being a mother hen.”

“Clearly I need to wash your mouth out with soap. Peter didn’t show to Decathlon practice? Hmm.”

Harley could hear some rustling in the background which concerned him mildly. If he uncle didn’t know he was there how the hell was anyone else going to? “Uncle?”

“One second.”

The rustling continued for a beat before Tony spoke.

“Friday, Can you pinpoint Peter’s location?” Tony spoke before the line went silent for roughly 30 seconds.

“Thanks babygirl. Okay so everything is perfectly fine. I think he plans to reach out to his friends. He’ll be there soon.”

“Well what even happened?” Harley questioned. Then the second warning bell rang.

“Get to class.”

“But-” Harley was interrupted by a dial tone. He sighed as he pocketed his phone. Peter was going to be the death of him, he was sure of it.

[eleanormatilda]

romanticizing abuse...

...is NOT ok!  Repeat after me: IT IS NOT OK!!! 

    HELLO.  I am here once again to address the issues I see/have with the infamous ship that is Jaspenor. Nevermind the hate mongers who roam my inbox with their insipid and teenage viewpoints on what ‘love’ is -- I will never post nor acknowledge these fiends FYI  ( educate yourself before you speak please? ) But as a survivor of abuse there are some things that I would FINALLY like to wholeheartedly address and make CLEAR when it come to the STAIN that is ‘Jaspenor’. So. Get some snacks, your favorite beverage -- this is going to be a LONG one. 

     Let me just begin by saying, yes, it is up to the abused whether or not she/he (they) chooses to forgive her abuser. What isn’t okay is to linger upon it or be around that person who made you out to be something so little, so small. Their manipulation will NEVER end it is just who they are. This is why the argument that ‘Eleanor chose to forgive him’ is bullshit. Again, it’s a romantic twist on something so disgusting and horrid. I said it once and I will say it again: ABUSE IS ABUSE IS ABUSE. It is NOT pretty, it is not romantic and to come out of the other end is a wonderment, it’s a practically a miracle sometimes when you can stabilize yourself with a bit of clarity and see what the other person did to you and made you believe.  So just put that tangent back into your pocket because it is invalid. Eleanor may have forgiven him, but the problem is her RETURN to him should have never ever happened! I realize it is a show, but the thing is the way it was written is SO dangerous. It will make younger generations believe that such a thing is true or real life. It will make them look inwardly at their own relationship and if they are stuck in abuse? Choose to accept that as somehow normal and ok. That is my greatest worry. Forgive, forget and move on.       ‘But he LOVES her...’ No. He doesn’t. THAT is not love. It’s not! Stop calling it love you sour the very meaning when you claim what HE did is love. No number of ‘character development’ subplots or plots will change the fact that he ABUSED Eleanor to no avail! Manipulated everyone around him to come off as some hero, and let’s not forget he called ROBBIE a bad guy when Robbie never raped, killed or harmed anyone. Yes he has issues himself which we won’t get into but none greater than Cyrus and Jasper. Do not even get me STARTED on Cyrus who spent the bulk of Season 2 raping a maid and blackmailing her. It’s honestly laughable that these two would pair up to ‘take down’ Robbie. Honestly, hilarious. Regardless of Robbie stealing Eleanor’s words I believe he truly loved Willow he merely hadn’t the words to provide, got scared and used the letter he burned. But Jasper? JASPER... Let me just map it out for you...          People call it an ‘unconventional love’ and that is also wrong! VERY wrong. It is NOT love! 

The BLACKMAIL. The asshole drugged her. Proceeded to partake in every ‘sordid & self depraved’ thing she did. He basically calls her a slut. & tells her that he has it all recorded and prepared to use it against her. 

He RAPED her. ( read me! ) 

The constant VERBAL abuse & manipulation. The use of sex to keep the upper hand. “You don’t control this, I do.” He also got handsy, enough to bruise her arm a time or two. ( Note: you NEVER put your hands on a woman like that! ) - You see the reason why she didn’t tell everyone about it? She’s terrified, mortified... not in love, she’s in the middle of an abusive/toxic relationship that makes her mind...how do I best put this -- fumbled, you don’t always make the best decisions mid terror and confusion. It’s another form of his manipulation. “Just shut up and dance with me...” you don’t fucking talk to someone like that. He constantly, constantly belittles her! And this goes BEYOND the first season. Even when they’re together. -  “You like this you like being controlled you like me. So I will do whatever i want to you whenever I want...” just going to leave that there.

He slept with her mother, in attempt to keep his job when she found out who he truly was. GIVEN the queen blackmailed him into such a feat ( gross, both are gross ) -- ewe?? But if he truly cared for Len, he wouldn’t have partaken in that now would he?

And all of this time he had been lying to everyone, utilizing his charm to continually manipulate and insipidly suede those to his corner.  The key term here is MANIPULATE.  That’s the one of the key things to look for in an abusive relationship.

Everything in THIS article pretty much sums up how Jasper treated Eleanor.  Bottom line is it does come down to a line of verbal, mental and physical abuse. 

     I am exhausted with returning to the tags and seeing all these ‘OH IT IS AN UNCONVENTIONAL LOVE STORY’ posts. Watching ‘EUPHORIA’ has brought this more to light what with people HATING Nate. The funny thing is, Nate Jacobs’  attitude and his perspective and the way he behaves (AND treats his gf Maddy)? Is the EXACT same as Jasper, and yet Euphoria is not willing to sugar coat what abuse and toxic relationships look like! The PROBLEM is because the viewing public was ‘shipping’ this toxicity Mark Schwahn ( the DISGUSTING piece of crap show runner ) decided to somehow find a ‘redemption’ arc claiming there was some redeeming quality in the Jasper and Eleanor relationship to begin with when there wasn’t! He forced this SHIT down our throats because people were ‘shipping’ it -- and the problem is, rather than write out what real abuse does or looks like & remind people they SHOULDN’T ship it, he FAN-SERVICED the fuck out of his show! Mark continually attempted to showcase how you can supposedly fall in love with your abusive domestic partner -- and the truth is worse, it hurts worse and it isn’t flowery as he depicted it. It’s terrifying. 

     According to the statistics, 1 out of every 71 women ( as of this year, 2019 ) are raped by their very own domestic partner. THAT is the reality we are living within. What Mark did with Jaspenor and why I hate it so vehemently is he produced something so unrealistic that looks so beautiful to young men and women who think that is HEALTHY. ( It is NOT healthy! ) Who think that is ok. And to praise a ship that is full of such maltreatment and straight up ABUSE is simply not ok!    

     I am going to end it on this VERY important note. If you are a victim, think you are victim or know someone who MAY be a victim of abuse? Please get help. If you read the above article and are scared for your life? REACH OUT. I’m here. The hotline is here and YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

     Don’t let some fairy tale nonsense hoopla suede you. Jaspenor is a story of abuse. NOT LOVE. PERIOD. THE. END.

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

Imagine Me and Mew

All For the Game/The Foxhole Court.  Follow up to Name Games and That Cocky F*%!ing Smile.  Neil greatly enjoyed getting coffee with his new friend, Andrew, until his coworkers inform him he went on a date.  An existential crisis, bad googling decisions, and contemplation of his sexuality ensue.  Read on AO3 if you prefer.

Neil slid into his seat and sighed at the enormous lineup of material to translate that had materialized in his inbox over the weekend.  Jean glanced up at him with concern but didn’t comment.  Neil sighed again, louder, when Sara popped around the corner.

“How are my favorite linguists?” she practically shouted.  Both Neil and Jean cringed.

“Fine,” they chorused.

Sara leaned against Neil’s desk.  “How was your weekend?  Do anything fun?”

Neil shrugged.  “Um, King got a urinary tract infection, so I spent the morning at the vet’s.  Then I had coffee with someone before I went to trivia night.”

“Which, damn, Neil, you’re terrible at trivia,” Jeremy said, appearing on the other side of Jean.  He always did that, appearing out of thin air; Neil wondered if he secretly had trapdoors in the floor or something.  Or an invisibility cloak like that kid in that weird movie about wizards that Nicky had bullied him into watching.

“No shit.  I told you that.  I keep telling you that.”

“Wait, back up, you had coffee with someone?” Sara practically squealed.  “Anyone we know?”

Mr. Rheman’s timely arrival provided Neil with a reprieve until lunch, but he knew the whole crew would descend on him for details.  They did that every time he spoke two words to someone, even half the people he was interpreting for.  It made no sense to him, why they cared about every simple interaction.

The only reprieve from the tedious work—Mandarin was still his weakest written language and of course Jean was useless with it—was the text he received from Andrew.  free 9 tonight or 6 tomorrow  

He texted back either fine and shoved his phone back in his jacket.  Half the time he’d forget to eat dinner until ten or eleven at night anyway, only thinking about it when King started screaming at him for her own food.

It felt like he had barely made a dent in the queue when Jean tapped him on the shoulder for lunch.  He blinked away the fuzziness of four hours looking at his computer screen and checked his phone.  Andrew had sent him a restaurant name for them to meet at that night.  At least he might have a little time to look up more lawyer jokes.

He had almost forgotten Sara’s shark-like interest until he approached the table in the lunch room and saw her looking at him with wide, sharp eyes.  Stifling his desire to pick another table, he dropped into the chair across from her.  Jean and Jeremy sat on either side of him.  Surrounded. 

“So, tell us all about yesterday,” Sara said, twirling her fork in her noodles.

“I told you already, I took King to the vet.  I got coffee.  Well, actually, I got a smoothie, then went to trivia night.”

“You said you met someone for coffee.”

“Yeah?”  Neil didn’t understand the emphasis she put on met.

“Who?”

Neil still didn’t get why she cared, nor why Jeremy and even Jean were so attentive.  He took a bite of his sandwich to buy himself time to puzzle it out but was unsuccessful.  “Nobody you know, I met him at the vet and we decided to get coffee.”

“Ah!” Sara said, pressing her hand to her heart.  “Did you hear that, Jeremy?  Our baby boy is growing up.”

Jeremy grinned.  “Good for you, Neil.”

“I still don’t understand that nickname,” Neil said, looking between them.  “And I drink coffee every day, I don’t see why it’s such a big deal.  Jesus, it wasn’t even coffee.”

Jean huffed, a tiny sound, and Neil shifted his glare to him.  Usually Jean was the one he could count on to dismiss the idiocy of the other two, but even he looked amused.  “It’s not the coffee, you fool,” he said in French, leaving Neil even more confused.  

“We’re just happy you went out on a date,” Jeremy said, taking pity on him.

“It wasn’t a date,” Neil said, “it was a smoothie.”

Sara and Jeremy exchanged looks.  “Uh, did he know that it wasn’t a date?” Jeremy asked.

“Of course!  Why the hell would he think it was a date?  We just sat around drinking and mocking each other for an hour.”

“Oh, god,” Sara said, putting her head in her hands.  “Oh, god, oh, god, that poor guy.”

Neil just looked between them with a sinking feeling in his gut.  He didn’t know why Andrew would have thought it was a date; why he would even have been interested in such a thing with someone with Neil’s fucked up face, but… I doubt they’re looking at your scars.  “Shit.”  Shitshitshitshitshit.

Jeremy immediately picked up on his distress.  “Maybe he didn’t.  Walk us through it, how did it happen?  You said you met at the vet?”

“Yeah,” Neil said, drawing out the syllable.  “Um, there was a misunderstanding so this asshole vet assistant pulled us both into a room and while we were waiting we talked a little.  Then the assistant made a snarky comment about King’s name and I, well…”

“You did what you do,” Sara supplied.

“Right.  Anyway, he joined in on my side.  So then we decided to get coffee.”

“How, exactly?”  Neil looked at Jeremy blankly.  “Like, while you were waiting, you made some comment about needing coffee and he was like, yeah, me too?”

“I gave him my number,” Neil said, feeling the heat rise in his face.  “He texted me after, inviting me for a drink.  I told him I don’t drink, so he suggested coffee.”

Sara laughed while Jeremy patted him awkwardly on the shoulder.  “It’ll be fine.”  Jeremy’s voice indicated it would not be fine.  “Do you like him?”

“I don’t know,” Neil said, hearing his own agitation and drawing a slow breath to quiet it.  “I mean, he’s funny, and he’s smart.”  He shrugged.

“But is he hot?” Sara asked.

Neil had absolutely no idea how one even decided that.  Were there some sort of set guidelines that pushed someone into the “hot” category?  He wondered if there was a website that explained this sort of stuff.  He’d have to google it when he got home.

“Alvarez!  Knox!” Rheman barked through the lunch room door, coming to his rescue for the second time that day.  “Stop torturing the new guy!”

“I’m not that new,” Neil said, but everybody ignored him.

“Why are you singling us out?” Sara asked.  “Jean’s here too!”

“Because Moreau is the only mature one out of the lot of you.  Get back to work!”

“Hear that?” Jean said, looking haughty as only a true Frenchman can.  “I’m the mature one.”

“Fuck off,” Sara said, setting the rest of them laughing as they threw their trash away and headed back to their desks.  “And you owe me ten bucks, Frenchie!”  Jean flipped her off.  Neil wondered what the bet had been.

After work he headed to the gym.  Nicky was there, of course, greeting everyone and keeping an eye out for who needed spotters or help with the equipment.  His whole face lit up when he saw Neil and he jogged over.  “Hey!  How’s my favorite new cat parent?”

Neil managed to keep from rolling his eyes.  Nicky constantly asked after King, which he supposed made sense since he was responsible for foisting her—and her gender-bending name—upon him in the first place.  “I’m fine.  King has a urinary tract infection, though.”

“Oh, poor kitty.”

“She’s feeling better.  I took her to the vet.”

Nicky ruffled his hair.  He always tended to do that, even when it was all sweaty and gross.  “Of course you did, I knew you’d take good care of her.”

Neil got on the treadmill and started running, keeping an easy pace for the first mile then upping the speed.  It was one of the few guaranteed ways to clear his head, but after eight miles at a pretty good pace he still didn’t know what to do about that night.  And though he was pretty sure Nicky would be all too happy to help, he also knew that absolutely, without a doubt, he would rather trust strangers on the internet than Nicky with this type of question.

Managing to escape the gym without further hair-ruffling or questions, he went home and sat with King on his lap and his laptop open on the table.  Staring at the open browser screen, he tapped his fingers on his thigh for a moment until the cat decided he was trying to play and smacked his hand.  

He typed What makes a guy hot into the search engine.  Over ninety million results.  He clicked on a few, and only ended up more confused.  Pictures of shirtless men holding kittens, comments about “quiet confidence” and strange things like “rolled up sleeves” and “being able to cook.”  Then there was the stuff that Neil didn’t even know what to do with, like “being gentle in bed” and “getting a boner in Target.”  

Neil was not cut out for this, that much was clear.

He checked his phone, half-hoping Andrew would bail on him but no such luck. He fed King and  left, giving himself plenty of time to get lost because the one-way streets in this city followed no obvious logic.  The end result was he sat in his car for twenty minutes listening to Tagalog podcasts before he saw Andrew walking towards the entrance.  Breathing in for a count of four, out for a count of four, he joined him.

“No sweatpants today I see,” Andrew greeted him.

Neil looked down at his suit pants.  He had changed back into his work suit after showering at the gym and hadn’t thought to change again, just left his tie and jacket on the back of his couch.  He looked back at Andrew, lost.  

“Come on,” Andrew said with laughter in his voice, pushing through the door.

It was kind of like a burger joint, but nicer.  They ended up seated in a booth in the back corner of the restaurant, Andrew claiming the bench against the wall so Neil’s back was to the rest of the room.  At least they were right next to an emergency exit, but he was barely able to restrain the cringe when the waitress appeared out of nowhere.

Her smile faltered for a second when she noticed Neil’s scars but she hitched it back on quickly.  Somehow Neil was not surprised that Andrew ordered a milkshake.  An alcoholic milkshake, but still.  

Neil looked furtively at Andrew, still trying to figure out how one could determine “hotness”.  Andrew had a cat; it wasn’t a kitten, but maybe that counted?  His sleeves weren’t rolled up, but the waitress’s had been and Neil definitely didn’t think it was anything special.  They were just arms.  He didn’t know if Andrew could cook, and there was no way he was going to ask about the boner thing…

The easy rapport of the day before was gone, and Neil didn’t know how to find it.  Andrew didn’t seem interested in making conversation for the sake of hearing himself talk, and Neil didn’t know what to say.  How did you ask someone if you were on a date?

Andrew was watching him with what could have either been concern or irritation.  Neil flinched involuntarily; he hadn’t even realized his leg was doing the bouncing thing again, vibrating the whole table.  He saw Andrew’s eyes darken as a result.  “Sorry.  I, um.”  There was no good way to explain this, either his current nerves or the fact that he had been beaten as a child for that habit.  “Sorry.”

“Do you not want to be here?” Andrew asked.  

It was entirely possible that in his twenty five years on the planet Neil had never met someone quite as blunt as this man, yet he still felt like he was missing pages of subtext.  “No, I do.  I just…”  He rubbed his face, another nervous habit.  “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Andrew’s mouth twitched as if he were suppressing a smile.  “You astonish me.”

“Oh, go to hell,” Neil said, feeling the whispers of a smile himself.

“It’s entirely possible I’m already there.  What exactly is the problem here?”

It suddenly occurred to Neil that he had absolutely no good way out of this.  If Andrew wasn’t gay, he could end up with a royally pissed, very short but very muscle-y man across the table from him.  If he was, Neil was likely about to hurt his feelings by being completely unsure if they were dating or if he wanted them to be.  And if he ran, well, that would just be embarrassing.  Plus he might never stop, and he was pretty sure his FBI handlers would have something to say about that.

He settled for the truth.  “My coworkers informed me that our trip to the cafe yesterday could be considered a date.”

Andrew’s expression did not change from mild amusement.  “Oh?  And what did they say about this?”  He gestured to the restaurant.

“I didn’t tell them.”

“Why not?”  Still no change in expression but there was a tinge of venom in his tone.

“Because they were already way too excited and I didn’t want to hear it when I don’t even know if you’re gay.  Fuck, I don’t even know if I’m gay.”  He suddenly remembered Sara crowing that Jean owed her money.  “Oh, shit.”

“What new revelations are coming forth?” Andrew asked.

“That’s what they were betting on.”

They were interrupted by the arrival of Andrew’s spiked milkshake and Neil’s iced tea.  Neil gulped half of it.

“Who was betting on what?” Andrew asked once the waitress was well out of earshot.

“Sara and Jean.  After they informed me you probably thought yesterday was a date, Sara said Jean owed her ten bucks.  I bet they were betting on whether or not I was gay.”

“Your coworkers need help.  Or a hobby that does not involve betting on the lives of humans.”  Andrew waited for a moment, then went on.  “This is only a date if you want it to be one.  You said yesterday you were trying to make friends, I thought that was pretty clear.  But even if it wasn’t, that doesn’t matter.  If it’s not a yes, it’s a no.”

Neil thought about that.  He wondered if it was a general dating rule, or an Andrew rule.  “That makes it a lot less complicated.”

Andrew did that thing where he arched one eyebrow but didn’t comment.  Neil wondered what it was like to have one’s eyebrows trained to speak for you.  Maybe it was a lawyer thing.  After all, it could sway a jury but would be impossible for the court reporter to transcribe.  The prosecution raised an eyebrow, conveying the stupidity of the defense.  He pushed the whole thing away as ludicrous.  

Neil somehow managed to get his brain online again and asked about the seminar.  A conventional enough question, but Andrew answered him anyway, going on at some length about the horrors of bad lecturers and asshole classmates.  He managed to convey a great deal about the individuals with very little change in facial expression, just by subtle shifts of his voice and the angle of his mouth.  It was oddly engaging.

They didn’t leave until the restaurant practically kicked them out, vacuuming aggressively in their vicinity.  He wished he hadn’t already used his best lawyer jokes; he wasn’t able to think of a good one when they said good-bye.  King gave him an enthusiastic greeting, wrapping around his legs as if he hadn’t already fed her, and he picked her up and nestled his face in her fur.  He got ready for bed with her perched on his shoulder, her little body vibrating with the force of her purr.

He set the alarm on his phone, then hovered over Andrew’s latest text, debating.  Finally, he typed quickly and hit send.

How do lawyers sleep?

It took a few minutes before the phone chimed.

First I lie on one side then I lie on the other.  Talk tomorrow idiot

Tomorrow.  He had never gone to bed looking forward to the next day; it was just another thing to get through, to survive.  But in the dim light from the streets coming through the blinds, he fell asleep with a faint smile on his lips.  

[kayluh1915]

My Final Post on Anthony*

*until he gets his shit together

So, as you all may or may not remember, I made A POST after Anthony’s atrocious April Fools day video claiming that I was DONE with Anthony... and I was... but not fully. While I did unsub from his channel (which was long overdue) I still followed him on Instagram and Twitter and actually left my tweet notifications on for him. I also answered SEVERAL other questions about Anthony through my inbox. However, this post is the last time I am mentioning Anthony on this blog as an independent creator.*

This post is nothing more than one big ass critique of Anthony and his content. This is my last shot at trying to reach out to Anthony to make some changes because after this, I’m done.* I WANT him and his channel to succeed so bad that seeing him fail like this and knowing that it’s his fault makes me sick. This post will show you why me and so many others are SO angry and will show you that Anthony knows what he’s doing, but for some reason continues to ignore us while he quietly loses subs and followers by the THOUSANDS monthly in the background. I CARE about Anthony and WANT him to succeed. That’s why I’m making this post. To try and help him (if he’ll listen) and show people that he is MUCH MORE than the content he’s putting out. However, if he doesn’t care, then I can’t care anymore. LAST SHOT!

Feel free to send this link to him through Twitter if you have the balls (cause I sure as hell don’t)! I WANT him to see it.

Buckle up, kiddo’s! It’s a long one!

Anthony’s content changes at the drop of a hat. I’ve honestly seen more consistency out of a fucking camelaian. You CANNOT be inconsistent on YouTube if you hope to succeed. Sure, changing things up once in a while isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but changing every few months just pander to some people is channel suicide. It may get you a couple of extra views at first, but you will lose the audience you already had because you are no longer who they subbed to in the first place.

When he first left S*osh, I think his plan to build an audience was to ride over most of the subs he had from S*osh while also collabing with a few well known solo creators to gain attention from people who didn’t watch S*osh. Not a bad plan to start off with, however he most likely did not gain as many S*osh subs as he thought he was going to, so he panicked and started using the dirtiest tricks in the book to get seen such as clickbait and LOADS of collabs as seen below which was the wrong response. The correct response was just to continue with what YOU wanted to make while also finding a balance with videos WE wanted to see and eventually the subs would have followed because they liked who YOU were... but he did not do this.

After the collab phase (which lasted about three months), I believe he tried to move on with videos he wanted to make which was the videos where he portrays a socially inept character. This within itself IS NOT the issue, it’s HOW he went about it. When creating a character persona separate from yourself, it’s important to let the audience know when you’re the character and when you’re you. You don’t have to come flat out and be like: “Yo, I’m Anthony today guys!” you can easily do this by giving your character a name or by SEPARATING how YOU act and how your CHARACTER acts. It’s just enough context clues for your audience to figure it out. Anthony fails at this. When your audience doesn’t see the character line, they get confused and wonder why the hell you’re acting so foolish. Most don’t get it. It makes the line even more blurry when you market a channel and social media as YOU and instead just use it as another outlet for your character or for promotion of said character. Newcomers have no line to see and it makes it almost impossible for the average viewer to get what you’re doing. You just look like an idiot to them... which most won’t subscribe to.

This is why, I believe, his videos without another popular creator or subject in the title barely breaks 100k which is MUCH lower than he probably anticipated which, again, caused him to panic and go back to clickbait. His titles ARE NOT creative and is using basic psychology to draw people in weather he realises it or not. Using titles like “I’M SORRY!”, “COUPLE GETS THEIR TEST RESULTS!” and “THE REAL REASON WHY I LEFT S*OSH!” makes you wonder. Why is he sorry? What did he do? What test? What test did they take? What’s the real reason? Our brains naturally want to complete things, so the average viewer will click on it because they HAVE TO KNOW by the nature of their brain. In my personal opinion, it is a DISGUSTING tatic of trying to get an audience. If you rely on clickbait, it shows me that you’re either:

A) Uneducated with the YouTube algorithm and don’t know a better way...

Except Anthony DOES know a better way and is well educated about the algorithm. How do I know? Well, in THIS episode of Game Theory, MatPat mentions that he worked with Smosh (AKA: Ian and Anthony) to help them with their audience. He’s also mentioned working with them several other times in other meta theories that he has done. So Anthony:

B) Understands how to properly build an audience and is WELL educated with the algorithm, but instead uses the knowledge to manipulate people into subbing instead of showing them that he is deserving of their sub.

While collabling and clickbait CAN help reach out to more people who would otherwise not see your channel, COMPLETELY relying on it is just PURE LAZINESS. I can understand using those tactics like once a month or further apart, but every other video!? If you want to succeed, you have to maintain a BALANCE between what people want to see and what you want to make. Just flat out relying on the algorithm to build your audience for you isn’t going to get you very far.

As gross as these tricks are, it didn’t boost him too much. He’s gaining in views, but his sub count is unsteady. The appropriate response to this is to continue doing what you were doing but start making subtle changes to help draw a character line and to subtly help the average viewer get your humor by dumbing it down a bit. I personally don’t think his humour is funny. The timing is TOO LONG and there’s no base for his joke which leave many seeking out Google to get the punchline. Dumbing down the humor and finding a balance between your normal humor will help bring in more average viewers. Also finding a balance between manipulative tactics and YOUR OWN content would also be a WONDERFUL response. This will in turn eventually grow your subcount to where you don’t even have to manipulate people into watching your content or subbing to you. My channel is practically dead and even I know that you can’t pull the BS that’s he’s pulling and make money off of it to pay for your fancy house that Gerard Way used to own.

To this very day, his sub count is EXTREMELY unsteady. According to his SOCIAL BLADE, while he is gaining a little subs, he’s losing a lot too. He’ll go for about a week or two gaining anywhere from 50 to 300 new subs a day to losing 100-400 a day for a solid 4-7 days.

It’s not a steady a count that you see with most successful channels. For example, many consider S*osh to be dead now, but their Social Blade tells a TOTALLY different story.

While not that impressive, at least it’s STEADY. They gain an average of 1,500 a day with only one bad day within a two week time span. THEY’RE GROWING... not fast, but still growing.

Between April 29th to May 8th, Anthony gained 1,484 subs, but between May 9th to May 14th, he LOST 1,913 which means that even on his good days, he ends up losing them later on during his bad weeks which isn’t great if you’re hoping to build an audience. He’s not growing... wonder why, guys?

THIS is why we’re angry at Anthony. We KNOW he’s better than riding off of the algorithm. He is a genuinely funny guy when TRIES to be, but all this pandering bull shit is pushing people away from him. He thinks it’s getting more views and subs, but it’s not. In fact, his Twitter and Instagram is FAR worse than his channel.

His TWITTER only had ONE good day in a two week time frame.

His INSTAGRAM is worse, losing an average of 600 a day and 19,000 within a month.

Weather you agree with me or not, numbers don’t lie and it’s CLEAR that he is doing something wrong to be losing so many followers and subs. Also, that “SUPER HILARIOUS” 4/20 JOKE he made the other day on Twitter with who he’s following, yeah he did that on purpose just to make a weed “joke.” It’s equivalent to your 10-year-old brother who just found a YouTube playlist full of MLG meme comps.

Don’t believe me? CHECK IT.

The dates even line up.

He keeps using these minuliptive techniques and won’t even TRY to make regular content and his numbers are suffering for it. For someone who’s obsessed with them, he sure doesn’t seem to want to build them.

Also, this isn’t about me being upset with his content. As long as he’s happy, I don’t care what he makes AS LONG as it lives up to his potential. IT DOESN’T. It doesn’t even come CLOSE to what he’s capable of. He could EASILY be one of the top YouTube channels if he gave a damn and TIRED. He’s not trying, HE’S MANIPULATING and it’s ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE for someone who once shone brighter than the sun not just to me, but everyone else. This new channel and “Anthony’s” behavior his A MESS and a disaster waiting to happen. You may have your mindless subs who buy your poorly made merchandise fooled, but you don’t have me fooled. If you have ANY hope of wanting to pay for your fancy house, bills, or anything you want, YOU BETTER start making some changes because you ARE GOING TO FALL eventually. You can’t keep running from who you are. Eventually, you will grow tired of trying to be someone you’re not and when you do, the people you tried so hard to please will be gone. You’ve already lost me who’s been nothing but loyal to you and Ian for over four years... who’s next?

I’m FUCKING COMPLETELY DONE!!!!!!!*

[celticheartedfangirl]

Some commentary on the S4 Episode of OUAT -- The Apprentice . . . .

I wanted to unpack this episode, and my feelings about it, to accompany @sieben9’s watching of it, and thought this would be better than reblogging their post.  They know that I’m posting this, and are aware that it will be snarky, bitchy, and negative, so please don’t go pestering their inbox with “oh don’t listen to that bitch, she’s a bitch” because A) they KNOW THIS already (it’s not a fact I’ve hidden from ANYONE) and B) again – they know I’m making this post instead of reblogging theirs and that it’s not going to be all glee and squee.  

This episode is one I have never revisited.  (To be fair, I’ve not revisited MOST of the episodes from S4 on.)  But this one is forever seared onto my brain.  This is a LONG POST so under the cut . . . . .

 This episode was a turning point for me for 4 reasons:

 1)      I got a CLEAR PICTURE of what trajectory Rumbelle was on (as a pairing AND as individual characters) and I wasn’t happy

2)      I got a CLEAR PICTURE of the Hook trajectory and again – I wasn’t happy

3)      What VERY LITTLE remaining respect and/or admiration I retained for Adam and Eddy (which was not much at this point) VANISHED after this episode aired

4)      This episode forever changed the fandom dynamic for me

Now . . . . . let’s unpack this and start with #1 . . . . Rumbelle.

Rumbelle had just gotten married, and up until this point, aside from E1 with the dance (which to ME, although it was lovely and wonderful, also screamed “HEY!!!! FROZEN FANS JUST NOW WATCHING!  LOOK! IT’S BEAUTY AND THE BEAST!  YOU KNOW THEM!!!!”), we’ve gotten pretty much NOTHING for them.  So . . . . . . . let’s chat about the dock scene.

 Yes, that DELETED DOCK SCENE.  This one right here:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELkuD6zpZ2U

And look at that – not even cleaned up.  Which tells me that A&E decided to CUT THIS SCENE – this 37 second scene that they could NOT SPARE 37 SECONDS FOR – before they even started the editing process. Because otherwise – this would be a cleaned up scene.

And we wouldn’t even know it EXISTED if it hadn’t been for the fact that it was an outdoor scene and there were a FUCK TON of people on site that day taking photos.  

LOOK AT ALL THE BTS:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95364011977/attackontaetan-emilie-de-ravin-robert-carlyle 

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95373664507/you-guys-this-episode-wont-air-until-october-19

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95364068497/betsypaige22-thatravenclawbitch

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95373377122/tjmystic-rumbelleotp-on-scene-pics-update

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95396861777/scififantasytv-robert-emilie-filming-aug-20

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95397126162/ouatwholock-august-20th-4x04-filming-x-i

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95395846932/vicieinatv-aaaaah-kiss-rumbelle

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95327102332/myaussiebelle-rumplestiltskin-rumbelle

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95327345502/fairytaleasoldastime-emilie-de-ravin-and-robert

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95320025497/delintthedarkone-itssandgirl-can-i-just-say

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95327073767/lulices-rumbelle-cuddling

And of course, my personal favorite:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95468578777/mrgoldsdearie-ouatcrack-he-does-things-to

I’d say I’m sorry for that last one but . . . . I’m really not so . . . .

Anyhow . . . the Rumbelle fandom was so excited about this scene.  Cause we’d had these BTS photos for WEEKS . . . and then they just . . . . CUT IT . . .

And Adam posted it on Twitter two weeks later because the Rumbelle fandom had a collective shit fit directed at him and he basically wanted to shut us the hell up.

And this all makes me wonder . . . .  what ELSE had they filmed up to this point that we’ll never see?  Because it’s OBVIOUS that at some point, between Episode 1 and Episode 4 – they changed the trajectory of what the had in store for Rumple, Belle, and Rumbelle.

Why, you ask?  Well first of all – don’t forget that in E2, they cut that scene with Rumple and Henry.  A scene that Bobby GUSHED ABOUT at SDCC (starts at 1:40):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqYngk_12Sw

Also Bobby talked about Rumple being ADDICTED TO MAGIC several times at SDCC.  Here’s one example (mentions it at the end):  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OCtgv4nX24

So . . . . . what we’re seeing to this point is so far TWO significant scenes that show Rumple as a caring human being have been CUT, one of them before the editing process even began.

And if they’re telling an addiction story . . . . . they’re sure as fuck not SHOWING US that here. They’re showing us Rumple being shady and an asshole . . . . but they’re not showing us addiction.  And even though Bobby is PLAYING IT that way . . . . . most viewers don’t do subtle.  The narrative must CLEARLY and UNEQUIVOCALLY TELL US that this is, in fact, what is going on.  And it doesn’t.  

Also – Belle has BARELY been on, and when she has been, it’s with Rumple.  I mean . . . . . gee, it’s like they don’t know what to DO with her without Rumple . . . . . . amazing that the fandom, at this point, has LOTS of ideas . .  . but the people who get paid for it?  Nothing.

So anyhow – that’s point ONE.

Onto point TWO . . . .

By now, we get it. They want Hook front and center. He is their pet, they want to go with Captain Swan.  Okay. But here’s another instance of “SHOW DON’T TELL.”  Having Hook follow Emma around like a lost puppy and just standing there isn’t TELLING. And also Emma has already had scenes with Regina and Elsa so far this season that show WAY more chemistry than any of the schmoopy shit they’re giving us with Emma and Hook.  

But here’s the kicker – instead of – you know – actually putting Hook on an actual, real, redemption arc – it just seems WAY easier to have him bully and blackmail Rumple (to get his HAND BACK so that he can play grab and tickle with his new boo without stabbing her, BTW) and make it look like RUMPLE is the baddie and Hook is just trying to be a good guy.  Basically they’re tearing down Rumple to prop up Hook.  Instead of showing Rumple’s struggle with addiction and Hook’s struggle with dealing with all the criminal shit he’s done in the past – THIS is the path they’re going with.  This is a disservice to BOTH characters.  And this episode, combined with the aforementioned factors, told me that yup, we’re doing this.  Because . . . .

Point THREE . . . . .

These writers are lazy as fuck and don’t want to be bothered writing complexity for literally ANYONE. Let’s not even discuss my issues with the Rumple trajectory.  Let’s look at Emma and her stupid little Pink Sandra Dee dress and the Charmings fawning over their damn date with a polaroid camera.

Who ARE these people? Did someone do a body swap with the Charming family?  Because that was some serious OOC shit, and for what?  To PROP UP HOOK.  So not only are they making Rumple an ass to prop the pirate, they’re making Emma and her parents into people I don’t recognize.  Because A&E are gross and seem to think that a woman must look and act a ‘certain way’ in order for a manly man like Hook to want to date her.  (I swear there’s some quote out there about “Hook makes Emma feminine” or some shit like that post-this episode.  Anyone have that link?)

Can you say misogynist?

And FOUR . . . . fandom . . . . . *sigh*

First of all, and example of post-episode banter from the pro Hook brigade:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/101264943652/killian-wasnt-making-a-death-threat-against

So that was fun.  Now let’s move onto the Rumbelle fandom and a variety of commentary:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100465938827/so-it-doesnt-bother-you-that-while-gold-is

http://pamchenko-twist.tumblr.com/post/100272360750/mentemmortalia-if-the-writers-want-to-turn

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100460351767/so-are-they-cutting-that-cute-little-romantic

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100466470197/you-are-not-a-real-rumbeller-please-leave-your

http://thestraggletag.tumblr.com/post/100604059906/somewhat-pessimist-mini-rant-below-more-i

http://pamchenko-twist.tumblr.com/post/100608988655/charmedrumbelle-cartoonjessie

So the above is a mix of positive, negative, and general frustration.  

But THESE were the kicker for me (this is ME):

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100499172547/thatravenclawbitch-spottytonguedog

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100497962147/you-know-what-i-dont-know-what-is-more-hurtful

This is kind of the beginning of my PERSONAL trajectory within the fandom  . . . . . . . FYI . . .

This was the point where I realized that I was watching a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SHOW than about half of the fandom . . . . . . . .

All of the above posts were written post-episode 4.  

So I walked away from E4 frustrated about Rumple, Belle, Rumbelle, the propping of Hook, the shitty writers and their inability to write a complex story, and the obvious to me early beginnings of the breakdown of the Rumbelle fandom.  

Of course I had no idea what was coming, nor am I going to say because I know @sieben9 is spoiler free.

I just wanted them (and others who may have come in late in the game) to have a full grasp of WHY this episode, which in hindsight probably isn’t THAT BAD, was a turning point for me and many others.  Cause I know I’m not alone.

On the PLUS SIDE . . . . . we did get some lovely dock scene fan art:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100698762707/spottytonguedog-delintthedarkone-the-lost

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/101345237832/retrogrlfan-rip-docks-scene

And some ‘let’s make fun of Hook’ stuff which is always amusing:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100594138302/winterelf86-mathematicaltardistime-this-is-a

Look, I obviously kept watching the show.  But this episode?  It was just NEVER THE SAME FOR ME after this.  

[helpwheneveryoucan]

neotrances runs in transmisogynist circles. he’s best friends with xii/nonpsychotic who has been called out for transmisogyny and fatphobia multiple times. literally just look up nonpsychotic transmisogyny or fatphobia on google bc their circle of friends is well-known for that shit

So I’m going to address this in a couple of points

1. I’m not this guy’s keeper. I’m not his dad. I don’t care what he watches. I care about how people treat others and interact with there fellow human, and as far as I’m aware his posts do not reflect poor character or morality. Now, are these posts and his tumblr presence only a facet of his personality? Of course. But, again, I have no evidence of his views correlating with or being inspired by Black Butler. I think the show is weird and I find the creator rather disgusting, but I also understand how someone can find the characters enjoyable or the plot interesting. While the transmisogyny and pedophilia is within the text, it is also within the text of many pop culturally prominent anime and manga series. From what I’ve seen the show is not explicit CP and is on the level of every other anime with forced sexual tension between minor and adult characters. It’s fan service and it’s gross, but unless you’re preaching from a pure pulpit you’re still down here with the rest of us. Just be normal about the shit you watch, don’t make it a personality trait, and I don’t think indulging in stuff like BB will actually damage or indicate damage of moral character.

2. So the transmisogyny jokes and jokes targeting trans women… I’d like to see sources please. The one user you provided does not exist, however pinkvampyr does. If this is the person you meant to direct me towards I a. cannot find the call out and b. I’ve noticed he is also TME, so I am not sure how reliable his assessment is of these jokes. I’m not saying a transmisogyny exempt person is unable to detect transmisogyny, however I am also TME, and I haven’t seen that behavior from neotrances, so it leaves me wonder what I (and his TMA followers and friends) are missing. I welcome more info on this point because I may have missed something as I’m not constantly plugged in here.

3. This ask is about neotrances, yes? So why are we bringing up his friends?? Again, I’m not his daddy. Dude can decide who he befriends or conducts business with. Neotrance’s posts are on the whole dismissive of gender essentialist theory, uplifting of women with non-idealized features, and uplifting of fat/overweight individuals. And many of these are original posts by him praising or supporting transfemme people. Someone who “runs in transmisogynist circles” usually doesn’t post this ardently about transfeminine issues or has an abundance of transfem friends. Even cryptos don’t have that level of dissociation to do that. While I could be proven wrong on this, I see no hard proof for these claims, so I’ll dismiss them until that proof is in my inbox or on my dash.

Not sure why I got these asks along with my last one in such quick succession and all connected to the same post. Leads me to believe they’re all from the same person, which would be pretty sad. But that’s just my speculation <3