#but i didn't learn my lesson the first time so i did it again lol

[birdpal]

having an obsessive personality and hyperfixating on public figures + subsequently constructing your sense of self with those figures as a foundational presupposition is wild and hilarious because there's always a chance the actual human behind one of those figures will fuck up unforgivably and then the rug gets pulled out from under you so hard that you experience ego death

[l-in-the-light]

Trafalgar Law on touching and being touched

It won't be a perverted post despite the title lol. But I won't stop your imagination, be free!

There's this funny theme going on with Law and Luffy in particular that picked my interest.

Luffy touched him first.

And he later returned the gesture, much more awkwardly.

Again, Luffy grabbed him angrily first.

Law made sure to return the gesture. (btw he also does it with Zoro, who was the first one to wrap an arm around him at post-Dressrosa feast. In Wano Law has no problem grabbing Zoro and shouts at him angrily. Again, it was Zoro who initiated the touch first).

Law grabbing Luffy to teleport them makes Luffy react in a curious way, you wanna know why?

Because it totally feels like this moment. Both Law and Ace, right after getting uncuffed, grabbed Luffy in same way to get him to a safer place. Ace-Law parallel in relation to Luffy kills me. The whole Dressrosa arc's plotline between Luffy and Law is just Marineford Went Well This Time. Ngl I kinda hated Oda at first for that. Now i dig it.

He didn't seem to like that. Luffy says "Let's all get along well!", but Law thinks alliances don't have to "get along".

Mistranslation here. What Law says here, being so surprised, is "nakayoshi ka?!" which means "you two get along?!" or "you two are buddy-buddies?!". It's a callback to Luffy declaring that Law and Strawhats crew should get along (he uses same word then, nakayoku-get along), Law learns here that Luffy's crew indeed "gets along well". You can interpret it whatever way you wish, but I will use it this time to put this scene into context:

The same gesture Luffy did to him before, but Law didn't return it to Luffy - that's because they're not crewmates. But he takes the lesson to heart and "gets along" with his own crew. Omg I can't believe i'm writing it, I make Law sound like this completely awkward adult who doesn't know how to be friends with people.

But bear with me, the shit is only starting. If you don't want to have feels I reccommend you just laugh at it and stop reading here. I digged up a feels landmine by accident. In-depth study starts below!

It's also a possible callback to the "reassurance" Law got from Cora-san. "I'm counting on you to escape" and Law did. He counts for his crew to steer the submarine well in similar manner.

Law's family didn't seem very touchy-feely, so please keep that in mind as well. He's got limited experience with touches and the few touches he did get familiar with were either taken away from him or brutalized.

Law getting patted on the head lovingly by his parent.

Next time this loving gesture happens, he gets thrown from like two-floor building into a pile of garbage.

And then he gets lied to that everything will be fine. We all know it wasn't.

Do you still wonder why he hates being touched on the head?

The sister touches his face gently while showing child Law support and compassion, reminding him not to despair, someone kind will help him.

Corazon doing the same gentle touch to the face while crying for him, thinking of all the pain Law had to experience. Indeed, the world sent Law someone kind. And Law lost him and blames himself for that.

Law holding Lammy's hand while lying to her that it will be alright. He never does that gesture again to anyone.

The sister holding Law's hand.

"Don't come closer! Don't touch us! We will get infected!" even doing the barrier gesture (I guess that's why Law doesn't get along with Bartolomeo). I used only few examples, there is much more, I just couldn't bear posting them all. Anyway, Law's got the message, his touch is unwanted. The body and mind remembers this.

Similar shit said at the auction in Sabaody about Fishmen, we don't see Law's reaction to that, but we can guess already that it was for sure triggering. Those people talking are sitting not that far away from him.

Ever wondered why Law throws people when teleporting? Besides the fact he avoids making contact with anyone unless they initiate it first, because that trauma is still strong in him ("Stay away! Don't come closer!"), there is one other possible reason:

Wonder no more! He does it to people because that's how people treated him as well, even people who apparently loved him.

Now that I have ruined the "Law is just an awkward unsocial nerd" joke for you, let me offer something to warm your heart a bit in exchange:

Corazon made sure to touch Law a lot and hold him in his arms, despite being often clumsy about it. I think he understood Law's trauma about being touched and his fear to touch or approach anyone, and tried to help him overcome it.

Being hugged and trying to return the gesture. Corazon's efforts did bring some results! But it only works for very few people, Law is still wary of people he doesn't know well. He expects to be unwanted and acts uneccessarily cold, distant and unapproachable because of that. But if you scroll back to the beginning of this post, you can see that he is trying his best to overcome it as well, one step at a time. Some things just can't be rushed.

And hey, at least he seems to be actually relaxed and almost like he *enjoys* being carried around. You think it makes him look uncool? Definitely. But suddenly it feels like Something Important, kinda intimate in a way and not just a silly comedy moment. It's a sign Law relies on people when he lets them carry him and that's why he doesn't protest.

Sanji is like "Why are you relaxing like that?! Get off!!" Finally, it makes sense why Law makes such a sour face here. Sanji should be grateful for the rare privileage after all! Anyway, this is anime-only extension, in manga Sanji actually doesn't tell Traffy to get off and Law chooses to scramble by himself, which doesn't taint the fragile trust those two just shared.

For those who made it to the end of this post, have I ruined Law's comedy moments for you forever? Because I sure just did that for myself.

I could also add one more cute thing from One Piece World Seeker Law's dlc, but I will let those interested to discover it by themselves!

I'm also amazed by the consistency of this theme. Both manga and anime never forget that touch is seemingly a big deal for Law.

[shwoyo]

figure skater gf hcs ! ﹫kuroo ; tsukishima

🏷️: fem!reader, figure skater!reader, fluff, mentions of injury, not proof-read :P

wc: 567

a/n: FUCK lmaoo I'm so sorry to the anon on this post,, i did not read it properly. SO here !!! I'm so sorry again oh my golly. also, i do not know how to figure skate SO i'm keepin' it simple

𝜗𝜚 TSUKISHIMA KEI

neutral when he first finds out about it

but once he sees you perform, he's in awe

he just finds it so amazing !!

but of course he'll hide that feeling LOL

technically not hide... he just won't speak up about it unless mentioned

will complain every time you ask him to come with you so he could watch, but is actually very happy inside

will record you every time he's watching, with consent of course !!!

he'll post it on his story

he is so PROUD watching you skate on ice

when he's watching, he looks at you as if you enchanted him i fear

rolls his eyes when the other first years ask about you and your figure skating skills, but he will yapyapyap about it, answering their questions as if it was a thesis defense

but its just because he's so proud !!

would wanna learn how to figure skate but in secret... just to surprise you

would probably be just good at skating around, not those flips and spins

oh would secretly LOVE those dates where it's only you and him on the rink, and some indie music is playing on the background

would be so worried if you ever sprained your ankle/injure yourself

"what were you doing stupid?" "you need to be careful next time, please" "don't be so careless with your moves, okay?"

he's only saying that because he's worried okay !!

wouldn't deny going to watch you skate anymore, because he's so worried now that he has to keep an eye on you 24/7

𝜗𝜚 KUROO TETSURO

would ask so many questions when he finds out that you figure skate

"that's so cool!" "when did you start?" "was it hard for you?"

is just very curious and is amazed with what you do

the first time he watches you on ice, he's cheering so hard

he loves flexing you, esp towards yaku

"my girlfriend is so cool, i bet you can't find anyone better than her" he says with a grin

yaku would just roll his eyes LOL

he would record every performance of yours, even practices! (and would also be the only reason he's shutting up while watching you)

would be the one to ask when you'll go to the rink, so he can come with you and watch

on times where its only you and him on the rink, he'll skate with you

but he sucks a little so he falls on his ass most of the time

but the moment would be lovey dovey fun

will eventually learn how to skate properly, with your help of course, and he would be so annoying about it

"y/n, let's go to the rink today!" "y/n, d'ya wanna skate?" "y/n, i'm bored, let's skate!"

but who are you to deny him right

oh would be so worried when you get injured

he's gentle/angry worried, he's speaking so softly while his eyebrows are furrowed

"i told you to be safe, didn't i?" "you should've been more careful, should've watched your moves slowly" "let this be a lesson to be more careful next time, yeah?"

he would just be so caring while you recover

would buy everything you want

would just be by your side 24/7 until you fully recovered

once you do, he's watching your every performance and practices very closely than he did before

but of course, would still have the same enthusiasm as he did before!

© shwoyo, all rights reserved.

[fridgrave2-0]

Do you think Calhoun and Felix are endgame or Felix and Turbo? For example, if there was any kind of possibility Turbo could come back, would they get back together because of unresolved feelings or would or be an aggressive side eye situation? lol

if we take a situation where turbo is mostly forgiven by others and goes through his therapy arc, then actually think of poly

turbo would hate the idea of being around felix 'cause he still has to process the whole "he turned me into a boogeyman" thing, so he always reminds himself that he shouldn't be jealous bc of calhoun, he doesn't want this fixing piece of shit anymore (he does, but he lived with this anger on felix for 25 years so he can't just let go). turbo actually tries to interact with calhoun when felix isn't around and very soon he understands that she's actually very cool. he's been through some shit between roadblasters and sugar rush period, still feels a lot of regret and pain about turbo twins and can relate to calhoun's loss more than anyone else in the group. and, well, the whole cybug thing also adds to it. as much candybug felt excited about becoming this mutant, it was a lot from the bug perspective, and when turbo got the full control over his mind and body the terror did hit him like a bus. tamora was able to give him the understanding of cybugs, and he shared how he felt when he was eaten. "it wasn't painful or anything, at least i don't remember the pain. but i didn't feel like myself anymore, like i was under players control again, and any attempt of taking the control back just felt so wrong." it was something tamora needed, many years she lived with doubt. did her fiance even had a chance of being the man she loved after being eaten, or it would just be a monster with a familiar face. now this burden fell off her shoulders. she wasn't the one who killed him, the cybug was

turbo saw a lot of himself in calhoun. this need to keep the front all the time, to stay in control, to hide most of the emotions and do not look weak. and just like with him, she began to open up because of felix. turbo wanted to warn her, say that he already got burned by felix's light, got too close and paid for it. but keeping the distance with fix-it actually helped turbo see the whole picture, and felix seemed different now. and it shouldn't be surprising, people can change in 15 years of which he didn't see felix. maybe it was calhoun's job, or an experience of almost being unplugged, but fix-it looked almost sad everytime turbo was coming up with an excuse to avoid him. turbo learned his lesson. why did he felt so bad seeing an unspoken remorse in felix's eyes?

tamora was the one, who made them talk after too much time of walking around and playing hide and seek. in last months turbo taught himself to apologize and be genuine about it, and he was ready to do it, but with felix everything goes wrong, as always. this was exactly what fix-it wanted, it has always been like this. when turbo apologized, that was making felix in the right, no matter what was the reason. he knew felix saw the world in black in white, and that means always there's the one who's right, and the one who's wrong. and my any means turbo never was a perfect or even a decent person before, and he doesn't think so of himself now just because he realized his bad actions and said sorry couple of hundreds times. being eaten by a bug and burn in lava makes you reconsider a lot of things. but he knew he wasn't the only one who was wrong, and the idea hearing it again from felix was the worst. so turbo bit his tongue and kept his apologies

...only to hear felix saying "i'm sorry" for the first time in 30 long years. turbo didn't think it was possible, but here he was, sitting in niceland with silent but proud looking calhoun by his side while felix was pouring out his soul. apologies mixed up with tears - turbo knew that felix always cries when he gets too emotional - and felix just talked and talked for ten minutes straight, not seeing how the tension was leaving turbo's body. he relaxed, listening to felix not with a sense of triumph, but with a bit of fun. couple of times he turned to look at tamora only to see her sharing this look with him, and suddenly everything just became so simple and trivial that turbo made felix stop talking by pulling him into a hug. he wished for his apologies for 30 years, and now when he got them he didn't want to listen to it. because what was the point? turbo got the point in first two minutes, he knew felix was feeling sorry, and to list all their mistakes and bad choices would take too much of the time they had already lost

"i got the jist, big idiot, you didn't have to write a whole essay about how sorry you are", turbo said with a grin and heard felix chuckle. then he sighed and hid his face in felix's shoulder, still uncomfortable with being so open. "but thanks... i'm sorry too, y'know?"

turbo felt how felix relaxed in his arms

"yeah, i know, little idiot", felix replied, and for the first time in decades turbo felt like home. while he was keeping his face in felix's shoulder and breathing the familiar smell of pie and brick dust, felix looked at his wife, who seemed unusually soft, and uttered without a sound small "thank you". after all, without her they wouldn't ever try

[huhcat]

My savior.

Heyoo! I come with some angsty thingies, hurr hurr. This is my first time doing something like this, so please excise if this is too amateur or whatever, lol.

Disclaimer, English is not my first language, and I think I still write a lot of mistakes, so do forgive that.

Cw: angst, undereating, being held captive, Toby is a manipulator, hhh...

Yeah, I think that's it. :)

You had forgotten what the problem was at this point. The only thing you knew was that you were not at fault here.

You, however, felt bad, for your boyfriend was somehow guilt tripping you, manipulating you into thinking that it was your fault to be in this situation when you decided to laugh a little too much at Tim's jokes.

Toby was, by no means, a Saint. Even the other creeps knew not to mess with him, especially considering the fact that he was unpredictable. You never knew what his reaction would be, making him a ticking bomb ready to explode at any second.

He locked you in his room, which was as messy as ever. For whatever reason, Toby had nailed some boards to his window, making the room dark and reeking of humidity. It also did not help that the light bulb went out a long time ago, and Toby didn't want to fix it yet.

He decided that the best thing to do was to seclude you from everyone so that no one would take you away... So that you wouldn't dare cheat on him again with Tim.

He'd bring you some food every once in a while, but judging by what he served you, you only ate breakfast and dinner. The rest of the day you'd spend locked in the room, cold and dark, waiting for this punishment to be over.

It would be really hard to convince Toby that you were "ready" to go out again, since he thought that if you, by any chance, even dared to look a little too long to anyone else, you would be betraying him. Cheating on him with whomever that person were.

Days passed like this, still locked in his room.

At least you had his company, him toying with your hair as you sobbed in place, both of you sitting on his bed as he told you that this was for your own good, that you only had to learn to have eyes for him and him only. He would say that this would pass as long as you learned your lesson, but... at what cost?

By the time he let you out, it had been a month. You came to realize that Toby would tell the others that you were sick, how a horrible cold got to you, then you coincidentally started feeling dizzy and vomiting after you were "healed."

Of course, you looked emaciated. You weren't the person you used to be before.

This time, you made sure to stick close to Toby. To speak only to Toby.

There was no one else you needed, other than Toby.

He who gave you his love even when he locked you up, He who cherished you even when you were such a horrible person, He who loved you through think and thin even when you dared speak to others.

He gave you solace, company, love...

And isn't that what good boyfriends do?

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

One thing I like about Nimona that I haven't seen brought up yet (and maybe I'm alone here) is that Nimona becomes more sympathetic to the audience at the same pace that she becomes more sympathetic to Ballister (kinda long analysis below sorrys)

Like, I know not everyone agrees, but on my first watch of the movie, I found her downright annoying for the first like, quarter of the film. I don't find her annoying upon rewatch at all, I absolutely adore her, but the first time I watched it I reacted with a similar distaste as Ballister-- not because she was a shapeshifter or queer, obviously, but because she appears completely tone-deaf to Ballister's situation when the man is experiencing probably the worst thing anyone could imagine, she jeopardizes his reputation even more by pretending to be him while menacing the public, constantly undermines his efforts to minimize harm and clear his name, and just does as she feels without regard to others.

Then you start to learn why she acted that way, just as Ballister does. You (and Ballister) start to see that his efforts are in vain, that trying to minimize harm or clear his name doesn't work in his favor and is impossible to achieve, and Nimona knew that all along so of course she didn't care! She's seen this film before enough times to stop taking it seriously. If the outcome is always the same, why not have a little fun with it?

Her whimsical mannerisms start to look less annoying and tone-deaf and more powerful and brave (that she could be so determined to be herself despite everything). She starts to look less carefree, and more jaded. You realize that she's only carefree because it hurts too much to care.

And Ballister's line "Let's break stuff" is the turning point where we see that she (or rather, the Institute) has taught him to embrace chaos and be himself, because they're not going to listen either way.

And the subsequent scene, where Ballister offers to take her away from the walls and she says "No, this isn't right, we have to take the Institute down" shows that Ballister taught her to care again because he proved that people can change. They both had an important lesson they needed to learn from the other, basically: "Don't expect the system to work in your favor but don't be a doomer about it either" lol

And it hurts when Bal turns on her because you can kinda see where he's coming from, it would make sense that a lonely, lonely creature would possibly sabotage someone else hated by society so that they could finally have a friend. It would explain why she acted so cavalier about his reputation, constantly threatened people and undermined him, made them both out to be far more villainous than they were. She was acting out of indifference, but it came across to him as malice, and while we the audience know that obviously the eponymous character isn't a twist villain, Ballister wouldn't, and further, how much easier would it be to believe that this one person double-crossed you, rather than to believe everything you ever knew was a lie? So he turned his back on her.

And he, and the audience see what a huge massive fuckup that was.

What I like is you don't even NEED her backstory to sympathize with her, and neither did Ballister. This isn't a case of "character was unbearable for the entire time but they have sad backstory so they're now likeable I guess Snape). She was already sympathetic and likeable. We already understood her. The backstory was just extra context, nothing more, and that is fucking excellent writing.

We slowly learn to love Nimona for herself at the same rate that Ballister does, rather than being irritated wishing she was something else. And I absolutely, absolutely love that. She doesn't "become" more likeable, you learn that she was likeable all along.

[dufferpuffer]

Hi it's me again sorry to spam your inbox. I had PoA in the background while working and it just hit me: how was Remus immediately so good at teaching? As far as we know, he never was a teacher before. He worked little odd jobs to survive that he barely kept for a few months. Yet, he starts at Hogwarts and immediately his first lesson is a success. The students love him so much to the point they still talk about him books later, actively defend him (in front of Snape and Umbridge), to the point that Hermione, who figured out he was a werewolf, decided to trust him and defended him as well.

How did this happen? It also didn't seem like Remus wanted to teach so much, it even sounded like he was coerced into it by Dumbledore who tracked him down. Yet, he came prepared, with his neat little suitcase he carefully repaired and sewed together, he even stamped "Professor R.J Lupin" on it (ACTUALLY CANON OMG). He even received praise from Madam Pomfrey "So we've finally got a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher who knows his remedies?". He was PREPARED. He gave hands on lessons (there is a whole paragraph in the beginning of Chapter 8 describing how good his lessons are), a fun practical exam, he always deflected conflicts (regarding Malfoy's snarky remarks and rage baits), he immediately spots Neville as anxious and puts him forward in the first class to give him a little confidence boost (literally the first professor to ever praise Neville), he had a subtle but funny humour (I'm referring to the time Harry had tea in his office "I've only got teabags, I'm afraid -- but I daresay you've had enough of tea leaves?"). The CUTEST THING is him giving Harry a set of very nice, useful books for Christmas in OotP along with Sirius. Like, how thoughtful???

We often refer to him as "grey" but to me he seems more polarized. Like he is ALL or NOTHING. Fatherly yet cold, caring yet distant, supportive yet absent. Tbh sometimes I just wanna grab his shoulders and give him a shake. How does one spot a student like Neville so easily, boosts him up, and then just goes and does exactly what Neville is doing (cowarding away, throwing self-confidence out the window).

He makes me so mad. I love him so much. Sorry I didn't mean for this to turn into such a rant (expect another msg on Remus' interactions with Severus in a near future).

no this isn't spam this is delicious yum yum yum I've thought for awhile that I wanna go through Remus and Severus' teaching methods. I'm reading POA right now, a chapter a night or so to my boyfriend (He was 'a bit too old' for HP when it came out, so he's enjoying it now) So I'm paying attention lol

Whether Remus didn't want to teach and Albus had to beg him - or teaching did appeal to him but he thought as a werewolf it would just never be a possibility... he really took to it, didn't he? His suitcase AAHHHH how can one man be SO FUCKING CUTE

I think it's down to being a good mix of skills for him:

He manipulates people to like him. He makes himself pleasant, helpful, positive, charming... that's a good quality for a teacher! To be able to control a whole class of kids takes some sort of manipulation - and Remus is already practiced. He is good at reading people, who they are and what they need... His best quality as a teacher is the fact he can connect to his students emotionally - a rare quality for Hogswarts staff.

That and he just seems to like the kids. He is a bit of a kid himself at heart - while also enjoying being a mentor. Being nurturing. Impressing them. Learning all their names. Showing off his skills. Helping them. Making class fun and engaging. A practical as their first lesson: where he shows them they are capable of handling even their worst fears...

DADA is a good subject for him - he is a strong spellcaster (can cast a patronus effortlessly), Was a spy amongst dark creatures and Death Eaters in the first war - and has a father that specialized in the field. Lyall studied boggarts, poltergeists and dementors - what does Remus do on his very first few days...? Scare off a dementor, show off against a poltergeist - and teach the kids how to deal with a boggart. Just like his own dad. Probably where he knows the chocolate remedy from too, imo Also was the dementor there for him because it could sense he was a werewolf?

Snape mentions later that Lupin lacks organization, is 'hardly over-taxing' the class teaching them first year stuff - that the class is very behind. He might be exaggerating because he hates Lupin (though why say anything at all...?) - but Snape is a good teacher. Not perfect, but despite demanding a high bar for his NEWTs classes they are always well populated. He is good at his job. If he says Lupin is disorganized, behind and focusing on the easy stuff, I believe him at least partially. Maybe his standards are just too high, made worse by hating Lupin and being desperate in the one class he might have with the third years to get them warned about werewolves.

But if those are Lupin's only failings in his first year...? Lupin's a natural at teaching. He is just a bit behind and disorganized - when he spends multiple days a month disabled. And he excels at the area Snape struggles most in: Being able to alter how he teaches to support struggling students. Considering the fact the classes last two teachers were a very distracted Quirrell (underrated character) and an incompetent Lockheart - teaching first year stuff and going easy is probably the best option. He has assessed the level of the class and matched it.

Calling Lupin all-or-nothing is... pretty apt, really. I often think of him as lukewarm, but you're right: It's not that he mingles around half-doing things. he does shit 100% or he is gone. Teacher, 'mentor', Order member, spy, partner... all either done brilliantly - or he is someone Albus needs to track down.

[bsgpiece]

Really enjoy reading your thoughts and seeing your artwork on SaNami moments. You capture them so well! I'm sure you get plenty of these kinds of questions so apologies for asking about another one.

What are your thoughts about a SaNami marriage proposal and how do you think it would happen?

Finally I got to answer this question!!! It took me months because I really couldn't decide how it would be. I'm so sorry! First of all thank you so much for saying this, it means a lot to me!!! Hope you like this post as well!

Here goes my thoughts about it... Warning for a VERY LONG post! (Almost a fanfic lol)

Sanji always wanted to marry Nami. Ever since he first saw her! Even more after they shared their feelings for each other, their first kiss...

They weren't even together yet when he bought the ring he would use to propose to her. They had stopped by an island famous for their diamonds, and when he was going to buy supplies, he saw that ring on a jewelry shop.

He just knew Nami-san would love it (he was actually lucky he found it before her, otherwise she would have already stolen it lmao), just didn't know when to give it to her. It had to be on a very special ocasion.

Time passes, the special ocasion never seemed special enough. Deep down he knew it was a engagement ring and it would only suit for a proposal... and then, they got together. Like, all his dreams became true. He could finally ask her to marry him, right?

Could he? Should he? Was he actually enough to give Nami all the wonders she deserved?

It's been some time since he last doubted his value that much. He learned his lesson in WCI, but... would Nami want to spend the rest of her life with him? Because that's what marriage means to him. Could he actually make her happy for that long?

On the other side, Nami always new, deep down, that a relationship with Sanji would last as long as she wanted. She had that kind of power over him, but more importantly, she was completely in love with him. Being with Sanji just gave her that comfort of knowing she would never be alone again, a feeling that she would be happy forever. Yes, forever. If it depended on her, their relationship would be for the rest of their lives.

She just didn't say these things out loud all the time. Nami just assumed, after such long time as nakamas, and then as lovers, Sanji knew this already.

Nami knew Sanji wanted to marry her. He always talked about growing old together, kids and family. But as time passes, she tought it was actually weird he never proposed.

She even started to doubt herself. What if Sanji didn't want to marry her afterall?! What if he didn't love her?

Yeah, no. That's silly.

There's got to be a reason. Nami swore to herself, after rescuing Sanji from WCI that she would not misread his feelings ever again. So she started to provoke him, once in a while showing him pictures of wedding dresses, talking about the married couples they met at islands and how it would be sweet to be like them... sometimes she would even say she always wanted to rob a engagement ring, but didn't have the opportunity.

And then.. she would observe his reaction.

Sanji got nervous a little everytime. However, she could see a spark in his eyes when he said no other woman would look as beautiful as she wearing those dresses... or that any life they chose would be the best, as long as they are together...

But then.. He would sometimes ask her if that's what she wanted. If she could she them together for that long when they saw old couples passing by... How perfect she was and how she deserved the best of the best forever.

And then it clicked her. Yeah, this time she read him well.

That damn traumatized man. How big of a idiot he was. How many times did she have to tell him she loved him? Nami even got a little angry when she realized he was actually insecure.

How can a man like him fight the worst enemies in the world without any fear of death, and at the same time be afraid of being rejected by a woman who openly said the loves him?!?!

Oh well. Guess she did had to give him a little push.

Sanji already planned a thousand times his proposal, but he would never think any of the possibilities were good enough. He was thinking so much about it, trying to get the courage to actually do it, that he would always carry the ring with him anywhere they go.

He never new when or if he would do it. He wanted so, so bad to ask her. He needed to.

One day the crew stopped by an isolated island. There were only a few small villages around, but the place was beautiful. One of the most amazing beaches they ever saw.

Before Sanji could think of anything, Nami asked him to take her on a walk at the beach on sunset. Of course he said yes with big heart eyes.

The crew were all exploring the island while they went the other side, walking by the sand till they were distant enough not to be seen.

Sanji was not prepared by how beautiful Nami looked (he never was). She was wearing a simple, yet gorgeous, green dress. He could see she even put on a little make up. This was an actual date, he thought.

Nami hold his hand really tight, she knew this was her chance to tell him what he needed to hear. This time she was the one who felt nervous.

Nami stopped walking and stared deep into Sanji's eyes for a while, without saying anything. She had planned telling him how she valued him and how she wanted to be with him till her final days. However, when she was about to say anything, she notice Sanji's hands trembling while holding hers.

He started to caress both her hands and looked down at them, avoiding her eyes for a few seconds.

What a big idiot he was.

He knew Nami better than any man ever could.. He connected the dots... Sanji glared back at her, he sensed her uneasiness. How could he doubt himself so much he let her realize that and want to reassure him?

He always admire how smart and determined Nami was. Why would he doubt her decision to be with him?

Suddenly a wave of courage overflowed him, and Sanji got on one knee right in front of her.

He never been so scared in his life, but if he was to be rejected, it better be after actually having the guts to ask her, right?

Nami froze for a second. She was planning on giving him a little push, but she never thought he would actually... propose?! Not that she didn't want it. She never got so many butterflies in her stomach like in that moment. How did he know what she was going to say? Was that observation haki?

Before she could think anything further, he slowly let go one of her hands and got something on his pocket.

Wait, did he actually had a ring all this time?! How didn't she notice? She wasn't the catbuglar she once was... erm, not that it mattered now. She quickly paid attention to him again.. and damn. He opened that little box and showed the most beautiful ring she ever saw in her life (and no one knew about jewelry like she did).

Sanji slowly started to speak, his voice trembling a little.

"N-Nami-san... I'm sorry I took so long to finally do this...

I love you more than anyone or anything in this world. I don't know if I'll ever be enough for you, or if I'll be able to give everything you deserve in this life... But I swear making you happy is and will always be my priority. Even though I'm a big fool...

Will you marry me?"

Damn right you're a fool. She already forgot about the ring while looking into his eyes while he spoke. She couldn't contain her smile.

Finally, she thought.

"Yes, I will."

She said, very affirmative, so he wouldn't misheard it.

His eyes widened, like he wouldn't believe what she just said. In seconds, he couldn't even see her straight for how many full of tears his eyes were.

"R-really? Am I really worth of... of spending the rest of my life with you?"

She sighed. Eyes also tearful.

"Of course, you idiot."

I don't even have to say they hugged and kissed right after!

That day the Thousand Sunny had one of it's biggest parties.

About the wedding itself, let's talk about it some other day!

If you got till here, hope you enjoyed it.

I would love to hear everyone thoughts!!! 🧡💙

[elli3luvs]

spoiled bratty reader x dealer ellie??

cw: modern!au, ellie lowkey hating you, you lowkey hating ellie, it works out though lol, anxiety mentions, the reader is a bit of a bitch, no smut or anything but if you want a second part just lmk hehe

a/n: thanks for requesting! sorry this took so long!!!!

whenever ellie williams was around you were intensely annoyed

it wasn't even like she did too much other than go to class and deal on the weekends

but something about her demeanor set you off

she always wore these ripped jeans and a baggy shirt, her hair thrown up without a care in the world

smelling like weed and a hint of... orange? it threw you off every time

you had the dishonor of sitting near her in your intro to poetry class, which you only took to get the final credits you needed to go into your higher levels

you have no idea why she chose to sit next to you that first day

the two of you already had a sort of... spat in your dorm room just days before the first poetry class

your roommate, love her to death but this annoyed you, had a tendency to invite over her friends without notifying you

you didn't plan on seeing a girl sitting on your bed with a joint in her hand

"dina, why is there a random girl sitting on my bed?" your voice was laced with venom as you glared at the girl

the random scoffed, sliding off and handing dina the joint, "sorry, didn't know you would be such a cunt about it. i was just doing a deal."

dina laughed awkwardly at the interaction knowing your personality, "ellie... let's go to the cafeteria!"

"did you just call me a cunt?" you crossed your arms eyes widening at the gall of the girl in front of you

"sure did, baby." she swoops by you throwing her arm around dina and leaving the room

you tried not to let it bother you but it did

your bed smelled like her

how long was she sitting on it?

it had to be a while if her fucking smell lingered

you were so annoyed at this situation

you wished you had ripped into her more when she was still here

but you didn't so now you sit next to her in this stupid class you have zero interest in

ellie had a bad habit of bouncing her leg in the class

it shook the table the two of you sat at making it hard for you to write anything

"can you fucking stop?" you hissed at her under your breath

she rolled her eyes, "what? stop having anxiety?"

you wanted to wring her neck out

"bouncing your leg," your hand shot out and placed it over her thigh, stopping the shaking, "god. you are so annoying."

you somehow missed the blush rising under her freckles

the next time you saw her she was in your room again but this time sat on dina's bed

glad she learned her lesson

when you walked into the hazy room, ellie stuck out a joint, "wanna smoke with us?"

you pinch your face, "no. i don't smoke." your voice is flat without any sort of emotion

ellie laughed at that, "you are such a princess."

god you couldn't stand her

but she couldn't stand you either

something about the way you carried yourself made her want to throw up

so prissy, always sticking your nose up at everything

but that being said she was shocked when your hand settled on her thigh to keep her leg still

it stayed there for the rest of the class

her heart was pounding

mind racing with all sorts of thoughts

you were so spoiled... so rude

ellie decided in that moment she wanted you

she wondered if she was some sort of masochist or something

trying to pursue her friends' snotty roommate

dina told her to go for it, always supportive of her friend, even if it was a shitty idea

ellie started to show up in your room more and more

she began to get you in her spell

like she was practicing witchcraft or something

you hated how you began to laugh at her idiotic jokes

you hated how when you got out of class you rushed home so you could catch her just to say some bitchy remark

she always replied with a quip that had you blushing

but you especially hated how you started to put in effort on the days of your poetry class

makeup, copious amounts of perfume, and a nice outfit

ellie took notice of your sudden shift of behavior as well

one day in class she leaned over to you, whispering so the professor didn't catch on, "you trying to look good for me or do you have a date?"

it was a simple jab but it shook you to your core

she found you out

you whisper back, "uh, i, no.. no date but-"

she pushes you slightly, "just fuckin' with ya." turning her body back to the front fully

maybe you did still hate ellie williams

[audioroleplayconfessions]

I understand that Darlin' post a few days back, but I am a Darlin' HATER (/lh) and a David DEFENDER (he is me i am him x)

I saw another post that explained it way better than I could have, but Darlin' put so many people in danger, it's not even funny. Like imagine your ex bf is a serial killer and you just don't tell anyone because it has to be you who gets revenge. Because, let's be real, that's what it was all about. Fred and Bright literally died because they were too adamant to tell David or William or the Department, which could've put the pack, House Solaire and just random people in genuine life-threatening situations. INCLUDING ANGEL AND BABE (who would get absolutely torn apart by Quinn). And, again, people did die because of that decision! If I was David, I would be a million times angrier, if my partner and entire family was put at that much risk over a revenge quest, however noble. He has the patience of a saint.

That, and didn't Darlin' break into a random vampire's home and kill both of them when looking for Quinn? Like lol idc if they attacked Darlin' first, they broke into their home they're so justified tf!!! Darlin' has killed so many people and hides behind this shield of 'oh woe is me' and it pisses me off. You are the architect of your own destruction you dumb bitch!!

Like, yeah, Darlin' was trying to help, sure, but what if Angel actually was killed or kidnapped by Quinn? Or Babe? Or someone else in the pack? They very well could've been? Then what? Is that still an okay excuse? David is a very pragmatic character, and he understands that he needs to be stern with shit like this because it's way bigger than Darlin'. David puts the pack first, and Darlin' had to learn that lesson, no matter how much it hurt to hear. He's a prick, but he'd never endanger them the way they did him. Why? Cause, honestlyyy? Before Sam and his intervention, Darlin' was a self-destructive mess.

David owed Darlin' absolutely no apology during the Quinn shit. They're the reason people are dead. That's fuckin wild gurl.

(again all /lh but i cant let my boy get slandered like this this is libel)

.

[hughiecampbelle]

Cagey (Hughie Campbell Oneshot)

Character/s: Hughie

Word Count: 2,121

Listening To: Julianna by Zoe Stroupe

Trigger Warnings: sa/sa mention

A/N: Me writing about my issues again 😅 I'm so grateful to be home, but it's also really complicated, and my step dad just makes things hard. He's been really stressed out about his job, which makes him angry, and he's been taking it out on everyone like it's our fault. I told my Nana what he's said/done to me, but she said to just get through it to help my mum. I know that's what I'm supposed to do, but there wasn't even a second of understanding, yknow? It was hard opening up in the first place and now it feels like it's all my fault. I didn't deserve it though. I didn't. My family always talks about what he's done to my mum or my brother, and I know it's impossibly selfish, but I wonder what I did to make it seem to them like I deserved what he's done. Writing has been really hard lately and I'm just a big crybaby mess lol. Thank you for being patient my loves and just being there for me in general. 💓💘🩷💝💗💖💕

You weren’t always a bad dog. 

An unlikeable thing. All teeth and spit, gums and gore. They say you like the taste of blood, but they are wrong. They say it to make themselves feel better, to sleep better, to name you a monster. Weaned on fury and shame, you never had a chance. You gnaw at your wounds as a reminder of this, red pooling between your incisors. Constantly forgetting, little pup, believing what’s happened will not repeat itself. Surely, this will be the last time, you think, you convince yourself. They have proven this a lie so many times, but you choose to forget. Forgive. Pretend as if your scars have faded when they are gaping, screaming mouths across your skin. They are hungry and so are you. You bare your teeth in hopes that, one day, someone will see through the facade. See through the violence, the aggression. You fear (quietly – this want, as all wants are, are unspeakable) that no one will. You growl and stare and pant. No one is allowed to get close. The naive, the arrogant, place their fingertips in front of your lips. They believe themselves different. They have put their faith and trust into an animal that does not act rationally. In your eyes, they are all him. They are all hostile, explosive men who punish you for being born a rotten dog. Men who laugh when you cry. Men who make you believe you have done something wrong when all you have done is defend yourself, your blood. You don’t want to do this, you never have, but they must pay as you have. It’s the only justice you know how to serve. So, you open wide, tasting them. They think they have won. They think you have unlearned to be feral. And just as they begin to gloat, and just as they begin to grin, that is when you bite. That is when you sink your teeth into their fleshy, soft forearms and chew them to ribbons. To bits. That is when you give them a taste of their own medicine. And they will beat you, and they will berate you, and that is when you will go back to the familiar, your solitude, and curl into yourself and wait for the men to come again. For now, you are safe. For now, the danger has passed. 

They have not learned their lesson and neither have you. 

You are still a bad dog. Older now, your fur pale, your eyes tired, though (foolishly) just as forgiving. Just as forgetful. Someone, though, has finally seen right through you. Past your mouth, your sharpness, to your humility. Humanity. Your nakedness. He does not unlike you. He does not unlove you. You are not a pet or a plaything, but something beyond words. It’s the cynic in you, to seek like mindedness. To seek ruin. To be seen like that, like this – just as you are – is too much. Sometimes, you wish to bite and gnaw and scare him off. Bark and see if he backs away. Test the limits. You wish to be thrown back in that cage, to be screamed at, just to know he is like them. There is order in men like them, there is a sense of security in their cycles. Brace for impact. They all loved the way you flinched. But he does not. He has yet to do so. He has yet to flee. Instead, he sits. He waits. He cleans the wounds you have torn open in seeking the feeling of home. He offers what he can, unsure of how to put it in a language you can understand. Your mother tongue is violence. He does not reciprocate. He asks you questions, but does not expect answers. He never minds filling in the silences, the gaps, the cavities where your response should be. He is there through the messiness. He listens, patiently, starved for information. He watches you in awe. Here is someone wild, untamed, undomesticated. Here is someone who has no problem turning on others if it means keeping themselves in tact. And yet, you are still capable of love. You are still capable of caring. Slowly, you relearn. You wake each morning different than the day before. It's a long, painful process. Realizing how wrong it all was, how young you really were when it happened. It leaves you wondering what you might have turned out like if things were different, if they hadn't done what they did, taught you what they did. That it was your fault. That you were asking for it. You were a dog, but before that, before everything, you were just a little kid. A child. 

The thought will drive you mad, but you cannot help but wonder. 

 You drink too much, in need of help getting home. The room falls on its axis. The cracking, broken feeling in the middle of your chest has grown numb. Your thoughts, wasp-like, have settled into a deep sleep. Those drives are long and full of tears. They slip down your face easily, effortlessly, as if you were made to do it. You can’t hold them back. There’s no stopping them. Memories, flashbacks, they meld and mix, playing before your eyes. You talk yourself down. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. You ball your fists and suck in air. And in between breaths, and in-between gasps, small pieces of the story come out. You weren't born bad. Rotten, perhaps, but not bad. And certainly not a dog. There was a kindness to you, a self-sacrificing manner that let you lay in the road and wait to be struck, happy, eager to be killed so that others may survive. Those things happened, and you let him. Those things happened, and you didn’t say a word, afraid. Keep the peace, she told you. You thought that’s what you were doing. You hoped you were saving her from the truth, from reality, that you were his prey. His chew toy. And then, tired of the shame, you said something. But that still didn’t change anything. You became worse. Began growing claws and fur. Began sleeping in a cage. More men came after that, before them boys. They named you cagey, refusing to see the root of the issue. It's all my fault, you think, you feel, you say in desperate moments like this. It's all my fault. The sentence plays on loop. Thoughts. Thoughts of failure, of dread, of terrible things happening because you deserve them, because you exist. The first time it happened, he was startled. Shocked. Scared, even. In front of them you are quiet, and calm. You smiled and laughed when you were supposed to. You never let on. You listened, offering advice, a shoulder to cry on, expecting nothing in return. You have put that other side of you in a muzzle. Locked it away and threw away the key. At least, that’s what you thought. This is the real you, though. Drunk and crying, angry and feeling bad for getting angry. Your sharp edges have come out. Struggling to breathe. Grieving everything. Every loss, every touch, every word. Every last bit of you. 

Now he waits, he offers what comforts he can afford, he grabs your hand without ever taking his eyes off the road. The story is broken, fragile and frail, like the spine of a beloved book. The flimsy foundation paints a story of a man, a woman, and a child. A family of sorts. An unhappy one full of secrets, and blame, and anger. Not just bursts or sparks, but a fury only the sun could mimic. Somewhere between the beginning and now, you were created. Monstrous, you think, but he doesn’t see it that way. You used to be barefoot and wild hair. Unruly, but not feral. Wild. You don't know where that person went, but you miss them. You miss them every day. Unafraid. Now, when someone raises their voice, their hand, panic sets in. It picks up the beat of your heart. Pounding, thrashing, banging its head against the wall. You fear it will stop completely. It sends tingles down your arms and hands. They’re going numb. They’re detaching from you. Your stomach churns and flips, practicing her acrobatics. The middle of your chest has cracked open, a gaping wound where something crucial is missing. You can dig, and claw, but you will never find what it is you’re looking for. You clutch at the emptiness, grasping at nothing, hyperventilating, like the wounded dog you were made to be. Crybaby, you think. You vocalized this once, only once, because the despair and guilt in his expression was too much to face. You keep it to yourself. 

He squeezes your hand. He promises just a few more minutes (you will hit every red light). He will open the door for you, helping you out, up. He will walk you through the apartment and into your room. It is the same song and dance and yet, you expect something to happen. Something awful. He will hurt you or you will hurt him. You will forget yourself: you will growl and he will grow angry. He will kick you out. He won’t show up when the bar calls in the first place. He will mock, and scold, and laugh at your tears. Thousands of variations play out in your head, before your eyes, but not once have they ever come true. He will sit you down on the bed. Delicately, always asking first, he will pull your shirt over your head. He will untie your shoes and fold down your jeans. You will sit, exposed, wincing, waitting. He doesn’t act as they have. He isn’t greedy, he does not expect things from you because he has shown an ounce of kindness. He will appear just when you begin to worry, to become afraid, with something to sleep in, warm and soft and smelling of fabric softener. I put them in the dryer for a few minutes, he beams, and you are relieved. He is gentle, grazing you, your scars, just barely. His skin is warm. He smiles at you as if nothing has happened, as if you have not burdened him another night, as if you are not a mangy animal sitting on the clean bed you share, too drunk to dress yourself. Or, maybe not. You’ve done it in the past. Pick yourself up off the bathroom floor. Flung your clothes where they could no longer touch you. Slept violently in whatever you could find.

Maybe you just like the feeling of being taken care of. 

Come here, he says, and you feel like breaking. He pulls you into an embrace, wrapping himself around you. It’ll get better, he says, and he sounds so sure. You’re not sure why, but a small, sober part of you believed him. It will be. Eventually. When he lets go he moves towards the bed, undoing the blankets and duvet, placing the pillows just how you like. While you sink in, he grabs a glass of water, some painkillers, anything to help the hangover in the morning. He’s always doing that: trying to ease something in you. Worries mostly, but also illness, aches and pains, nightmares and panic attacks. You don’t want to bite him. You don’t want to scare him off. You don’t want to be put down because of your anger, your rage, your wrath. You want to be good. You want to deserve this, but even now, your thoughts muffled by the vodka, say you don’t deserve him or any kind of goodness. Before he leaves, his laptop opens in the living room, the tv quietly showing a different angle of another uninteresting Homelander interview, he kisses your forehead. He’ll stay up, work, and when the time comes to join you he will slip by your side. He won’t make the first move, instead he waits, but does not expect, until you roll over, nuzzling yourself into him. It’s his favorite part of the day.  When you wake in the morning you’ll watch him sleep, his chest rising and falling under your head. Hughie doesn’t look at you and see you as a bad dog. You’re neither bad nor a dog. You’re not feral, or cagey, or untamed. You’re not a mutt with claws and sharp, bloodstained teeth. You’re you. The person he loves. The person he shows every piece of himself to. The person he cares about most. A struggling person, sure, but that isn’t a moral failing.

And he’s right: it will get better. Perhaps slowly, perhaps painfully, but it will. It always will.

[biisexualemma]

happier (pt.6). rafe cameron

word count: 3.8k

warnings: unwanted passes, bit of angst, mostly fluff

requested: i guess soo

plot: you and rafe are figuring out this dating thing

a/n: it has literally been 6 months since i last updated series… whoops… i have some much written for this series but it’s all in bits and pieces and i’m trying to rewrite bits / put stuff together and it’s taking a minute lol but anyway enjoy the 2 people who will read this lol

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / masterlist

texting

bold = rafe

italics = y/n

hey

very ominous first text rafe

all i said was hey

exactly

and it's you so

what else am i supposed to say?

idk

'hey y/n'

'hi how are you?'

''sup what you up to?'

you'd rather me start the conversation with 'sup'

it's less serial killer-y so maybe

alright next topic please

YOU texted me rafe

yeah and you said i sounded like a serial killer so excuse me if i'm a little wounded

didn't think that was even possible mr big-shot kook prince

please never call me that again

because it's too on the nose?

you always this annoying?

nah i just like making things difficult for you

cuz your life is too easy as it is

you think you're so funny

i know you do too :)

you're still hanging around sooo

your eyes dragged away from your phone screen, and away from where rafe was currently typing out his response, when you heard a honk from outside your house. you peeped out the window and saw the twinkie pulled up outside, lights still on and engine running as they waited for you.

you grabbed your shoes and jacket, still holding onto your phone when another message popped up as you were making your way out of your house to meet your friends.

yeah yeah

just tell me what you're not doing tonight so i can come pick you up

you rolled your eyes at his presumptuousness, a small smile on your lips as you grabbed your keys and closed the door behind you. you texted back as you walked to the twinkie, hardly looking where you were going.

believe it or not i have plans

i don't sit around waiting for you to text me you know

i don't sit around waiting for you to text me you know

> why not? >:(

you let out a snort, shaking your head as you typed out a response just as you approached the beat up van where sarah and john b were waiting for you. you clumsily climbed into the back, sarah watching you fumble as your fingers and eyes remained glued to your phone screen.

my life does not revolve around you rafe cameron

as much as i'm sure you want it to

yeah i do actually

guess we don't always get what we want

this is a valuable lesson that you're long overdue to learn little trust fund baby

wow

you're actually so mean and for what

yeah i'm not very good at this flirting thing tbh

yeah i got that

yeah? did the serial killer comment tip you off?

amongst other things

ok well maybe i'll just remind you that i think about you more than i care to elaborate on right now

that was better...

you're learning

thank you

i'm trying my best

we'll circle back to that comment at some point though

don't think i'll forget that one

yeah you think about that while you're home alone tonight

wow

wait not like that

don't take it back now that was good

it's not what i meant!!

"what is she grinning about?" sarah quirked an eyebrow, muttering to john b as she watched you trying to buckle up with one hand while you texted with the other.

john b watched you in the rearview mirror, his eyebrows furrowed together slightly. neither of them could recall a time they'd seen you look so giddy, you were always misplacing your phone and now you couldn't tear your eyes away.

sarah gasped softly and john b's eyes quickly darted over to his girlfriend, wide and wondering what she suddenly knew that he didn't.

sarah grabbed john b's arm and shook it a little, all giddy herself now but john b still looked just as confused. "what? what? tell me!" he whined.

"she asked me and kie for advice the other night," she clarified, lowering her voice a little, though you were entirely consumed in your own conversation. john b's eyes were still full of confusion. he didn't understand girls at the best of times but this was beyond his comprehension all together. sarah rolled her eyes playfully. "about a boy."

john b glanced at you for a second before moving back to his girlfriend, shaking his head. "i didn't think y/n was even interested in guys."

"oh just because she didn't fall at your feet john b doesn't mean she doesn't like guys," sarah scoffed, hitting his chest lightly. john b went to defend himself but quickly stopped because he thought she might be onto something.

you suddenly grew aware of your surroundings, realising the twinkie was still stationary. your eyes lifted up from your phone for a second to see sarah biting back a grin and john b staring you out in the rearview mirror.

"uh," you looked around like something was wrong. "are we waiting for something or what? why are we still sitting here?"

"nope," sarah narrowed her eyes at you and you frowned at her, mouth opening slightly in confusion. she looked like she knew things. "c'mon get going, john b."

weird you thought, shaking your head when another message appeared on your phone.

i know what you meant don't worry ;)

no you don't

you'll know what i mean when i actually mean it

tease

shut up

i gotta go rick

who tf is rick

you

i'm rick?

yeah you're rick

i don’t understand

that's your name from now on

at least via text

so if anyone sees these messages they don't get suspicious

that's crazy

i lose my phone a lot it's not that crazy

that's not the crazy part

just play along please?

i'm not ready for people to find out about this yet

whatever this is

what is this again?

that's a question for another time

see you around

- rick

:)

-

you fell back against the blanket you'd laid out on the grass, eyes immediately falling upon the stars above you. you sighed contentedly, oblivious to the curious eyes that were watching you from beside you.

"you seem happy," jj spoke up from where he was sitting next to you. "what's that about?"

you snorted, your head rolling to the side so you could glance up at him. "what? i can't just be happy?"

he made a face at you, his hand nudging your arm. "you know what i mean," he shook his head. "you've been so tired and grumpy lately, no offence," he said the last part quickly when he saw your face contort into one that looked offended. "you just seemed like normal today. it was nice."

you propped yourself up on your elbows, watching the rest of the gang who'd gone for a quick swim. kie had launched herself onto pope, dunking him under the water and laughing hysterically when he came back up for air looking bewildered. sarah was floating on her back, eyes up at the stars while john b held his hands underneath her so she wouldn't sink down. you didn't feel like swimming after the amount of food you'd eaten so jj decided to sit with you and keep you company.

you shrugged. "i don't know," you could feel jj's eyes watching you. "i just feel more like myself i guess. i don't know why."

it was a bit of a lie. with everything out of the open between you and rafe, you felt a weight lift off your shoulders. you thought it'd be hard to lie to your friends about it, but none of them really asked you outright so you didn't find yourself having to lie at all. everything just seemed to be going better for now.

"well i'm glad anyway," he gave you a soft smile. jj was a good friend, and most of the time he played into the reputation he had, but every now and again he would show the other side of him. he was loyal to his core and just wanted to see his friends happy. "you feel like swimming yet?" his lips stretched into a wide grin, nudging your shoulder as he tried to encourage you.

you couldn't help but smile back, he was infectious. you let your head roll back before sitting yourself upright. "fine, c'mon," you lifted your shirt over your head, throwing it at his face. "race you," you quickly jumped up, undoing your shorts as you ran towards the water, only stopping when you got to the edge to pull your shorts off the rest of the way.

jj was racing behind you, not bothering to remove anything other than his shirt as he whizzed past you and threw himself into the water, shoes and all. "cannon ball!" he screamed and pope, kie, john b and sarah all tried to clear out as quickly as they could but he didn't give them much notice before a crashing wave of water soaked them all even more. a chorus of angry jj's followed but you couldn't help but laugh before throwing yourself in after him.

—

texting

you awake pretty girl?

hey

y/n

rafe it's late

you asleep?

fast asleep yeah

that's why i'm txting you right now

come to the party

rafe it's 1 am i'm with my friends

still?

haven't they had enough of you

rude

i mean they're hogging you

how old are you?

ditch em c'mon

i'm more fun anyway

i'm gonna bet you're drunk

or high

and?

doesn't change anything

still wanna see you

you always this clingy with girls?

mmm funny

you know it's just you

you think i'd be texting you at this party if it wasn't just you

maybe no ones caught your eye yet

yeah you have

so get your ass over here or i'm coming to get you

relentless

you love it

hmmm

just come and get me

everyone will be asleep by the time you get here

on my way

can you drive?

'course i can

ok but are you sober enough?

don't worry about it

rafe

i'm good i promise

swear?

swear

half an hour later and you'd sneaked out of john b's house unnoticed and were sitting in the passenger seat of rafe's car. last time you were in this seat he was driving you home from a party, and now you were going to a party... with him.

"hey," he mumbled as you secured your seatbelt, his eyes raking over you, smile on his lips.

"hey yourself," you chirped, still pretty awake considering the late hour, you were used to running off no sleep most of the time. you noticed him staring at you instead of starting the car and driving. "what?"

"you look really pretty right now."

you glanced away from him, feeling your cheeks grow warm from the compliment. "shut up and drive, rafe," you mumbled, meeting his eyes quickly as he shook his head and breathed out a laugh.

"yes ma'am," he did as you said, driving you to the other side of town, to a house you didn't recognise but was probably four times bigger than your own. you felt a wave of anxiety all of a sudden when rafe parked the car and got out. he appeared again on the passengers side where you still sat, seatbelt on.

he opened the door, leaning on the frame of the car and ducking down to see you sat still. "c'mon," he urged but you quickly shook your head.

"this is a bad idea," you blurted out, eyes shifting to meet rafes. "i don't think i should go in there— definitely not with you."

rafe, for a split second, looked wounded but he quickly played it off. "you're overthinking it."

"rafe, your friends hate me," your lip involuntarily slipped into a small pout, your eyes not moving from his. "i can't just go to a kook party, when i hate kooks and they hate me."

your eyes moved down to your thigh where rafe had moved his hand to sit against your skin. you gulped. "i'm a kook and i don't hate you," he reassured, giving your thigh a squeeze before shifting his hand. "if anyone has a problem with you being here they can take it up with me."

"rafe," your voice came out smaller than you had intended. your mind was pretty focused on his hand and where it was moving, until you heard a click and your seatbelt was retracting. "i don't want you messing things up with your friends over me."

he shook his head, his hand latching onto yours and tugging you out of the passenger seat. he closed the car door and guided you towards the house. "'told you they're not my friends."

"still— won't it make things awkward—"

"oh my god," he turned around, smile on his lips when he came to halt, you nearly bumping into his chest. "i told you i don't care what people think, and i really don't care what my friends think."

he let go of your hand, moving his hands to either side of your face. your breath caught in your throat when he moved his face directly in front of yours. he squished your cheeks together, his stomach churning when you looked up at him with your big, nervous eyes.

"c'mon," he urged again. "you'll be fine s'long as you're with me," he offered you a reassuring smile, hands slipping from your face, his arm moving to sit on your shoulders, pulling you close into him. "you're good, ok?"

you took his word for it, trusting him in that moment that everything would be fine as long as you stayed with rafe.

—

"do you want another drink?" rafe hummed the question to you, his fingertips grazing the skin of your arm, before moving back down to sit snug on your waist. his eyes were looking up at you from where you sat on his lap.

you had relaxed somewhat since you got here, making yourself comfortable on rafes lap after he insisted that no one was watching, nor cared. you took his word for it and he wasn't wrong, the people at this party were too high or drunk to care who's lap you were sitting on.

you shrugged, glancing at your empty cup. you hadn't drank much, it was already late and you didn't feel like having a hangover tomorrow so you didn't push it. "i could do a water."

"water? sure, i got you," he nodded, repositioning you so you sat back on the sofa while he went on the hunt for water.

you propped your head up with your hand, resting your elbow on the arm of the sofa. you peered out the corner of your eye when you felt someone sit next to you.

"hey you're y/n, right?" you turned to face the guy that had sat himself beside you, he wore a small smile on his face, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. you recognised him from around town but not enough to know his name.

"uh, yeah," you gave him a polite, albeit uncomfortable smile before turning away from him, hoping to discourage him continuing to talk to you.

"i think i've seen you around the club," he carried on, not picking up on anything. you nodded, pursing your lips. "i'm alex."

he held out his hand for you to shake, you looked down at it in almost disbelief but shook it still to be polite. "cool," you said with a twinge of sarcasm.

"sorry if this is forward— i just think you're really pretty— i've been watching you for a while—"

"you've been watching me?" you repeated his words, your brows furrowing slightly.

he let out an awkward laugh. "not in a stalker-y way— i just noticed you is what i meant."

"sure," you nodded. "i'm kinda here with someone else though. sorry," you tried to let him down easy, with another small smile despite your discomfort.

"ok well you're sitting here alone," he breathed out a laugh, as if he'd caught you in a lie.

your smile drooped a little. "he's getting me a drink. not that i need to explain myself."

he huffed, seeming to grow agitated with you. "you could just say you're not interested instead of coming up with a lame excuse."

your mouth hung open slightly. "the truth actually— not that i even owe you that but sure whatever."

"last time i try talking to a fucking pogue," he muttered under his breath before picking himself up and walking away. "not even that pretty," he muttered under his breath.

you sat for a couple minutes in silent disbelief, blinking a few times before pushing yourself up off the sofa and beginning your search for rafe. you'd had enough of this party and he was your ride home.

you finally found him in the kitchen on the other side of this humongous house, filling up a cup with some water. you approached from behind him, feeling his body stiffen when he felt your hands snake around his torso.

"hey," you felt him relax slightly when you spoke, realising it was you holding onto him. he turned to face you, your hands gripping the shirt he was wearing as he looked down at you.

"oh hey," he mumbled, you were standing pretty close but your eyes shifted about the room. "what's up? i was just coming to bring you—"

"can we go now, please?" you cut him off quickly, eyes moving back to his pleadingly. his brows furrowed a little when he saw your anxiety-ridden expression again.

"you're good here," he spoke in a hushed voice, setting aside the cup in his hand so he could move his hands to your waist. "we're good."

he tried to reassure you but it wasn't enough, you wanted to go home, you didn't want to see another self-entitled kook tonight (excluding the one in front of you).

you shook your head, adamant, "no— rafe— i want to leave."

his grip on you tightened a little. "did something happen?" his brows knitted together slightly, standing up a little straighter.

"no," you shook your head quickly. "i just want to go— rafe— please—"

"ok, ok," he rooted for his car keys in his pocket, his free hand grabbing yours and pulling you out of the kitchen. "we'll go, c'mon."

you followed him out of the party, trailing behind him, he helped you into the passenger seat, even trying to buckle you in until you insisted that you got it and that you were fine.

"i'm sorry," you mumbled after a while of sitting in silence, reflecting on your actions. rafe driving on the quiet roads, not saying a word or looking in your direction. "i didn't mean to ruin your night."

"you didn't," he spoke quietly.

you eyed him up, his hands tight on the steering wheel, eyes locked on the road, lips pulled into a tight line. "i feel like you're mad at me."

"now you wanna talk?"

"you're mad at me."

"i'm not mad at you."

"rafe—"

"i'm not mad at you," he repeated, a little shorter than before. "i just want you to talk to me."

"i am talking to you—"

"you know what i mean," he cut you off again. "i can't help if you don't talk to me."

you were quiet for a second before speaking again. "this guy was rude to me at the party, that's all," you felt his eyes move over to you for a split second. "i felt out of place and wanted to leave."

he thought on it for a minute. "rude to you how?"

you chewed on your bottom lip, not wanting to answer him, partly because you were still mad but mainly because you were kind of embarrassed.

you huffed. "he was trying to hit on me and when i told him no he got all hurt and mean."

rafe was quiet for a minute, he was picking his words and his tone carefully, trying not to let his imagination run wild. "he was mean to you?"

"it's just guys, they get like that— bruised egos you know, kooks are the worst for it," you shrugged. "i didn't want to tell you back then because i didn't want to make it into a big thing or cause a scene. i just wanted to leave, with you."

"ok, but you're fine? did he try anything?" his knuckles were turning white at this point, you found it hard to look away.

you shook your head, but when he looked over at you for a second for confirmation you spoke, "i'm fine. it was just weird and awkward."

he nodded and you were both quiet for a while after that.

you knew rafe was a hot head, you knew he didn't always think before he acted, and maybe you should've just told him what happened straight away but part of you was glad you didn't.

"where am i dropping you off?"

"john b's is fine."

"won't your dad wonder where you are?"

your eyes focused on the road ahead still but you could feel him stealing glances at you. "i already told him i'd be at john b's tonight."

"you sure?" you nodded and so he dropped you back off at the house he'd picked you up from a few hours ago. the sun was just starting to rise, creating just enough light so that you could see his face. he still looked pissed.

you were looking at him with big, tired, bloodshot eyes when he turned his head towards you. your eyelids drooping slightly the longer you focused on him.

"y'promise you're good?" he mumbled.

you nodded. "do you promise you're not angry at me?"

he rolled his eyes, glancing away for a second, the corner of his lip curling upwards softly. "could never be angry at you when you look like that."

"like what? exhausted?"

he hissed softly, shaking his head. he reached his hand out, gripping your chin between his thumb and forefinger, guiding you closer to him. "you're always so fucking pretty," his eyes raked over your face one last time, kissing your forehead before immediately shoving your face away with the palm of his hand. "now get outta' my sight, you're turning me on looking like that."

you snorted, ignoring the way your stomach fluttered at his actions. "you're such a boy," you joked before saying goodnight and hopping out of his car.

you walked up to the house with a small smile on your face, despite the bump in the night, you felt good about where this was going with rafe. you felt positive, giddy and your head was kinda foggy thinking about him.

"y/n?" you stopped in your tracks when you heard your name from his mouth. "was that rafe's car?"

shit.

taglist:

@lail1010

@julielightwood

@dudenhaaa27

@swiftsgirlfriend

@mad-die45

@mk15x

@spicykimchiiii

@777flora

@hey-sunrisee

[galaxywhump]

i would love to see daniel making what he feels like is a mistake with wren (similar to how he fucked up with wren getting attacked by the local wildlife in the beginning of the story). like he pushes wren too far without realizing it, or hurts him in a way he didn't intend to (like rope failure during suspension bondage). love to see wren suffering and i also love to see daniel feeling guilty so like. best of both worlds lol

[SV-240 masterlist]

contents: slavery whump, forced relationship, creepy/intimate whumper, defiant whumpee, suspension, dislocation.

~~~

“Uh, could you… check the ropes again? Something’s weird about the balance.”

“I know what I’m doing, sweetheart.”

“But-”

“Just trust me. Besides, just a few more pictures and we’ll be done, okay?”

Daniel snaps a picture. One of the knots in the elaborate ropework keeping Wren suspended snaps too.

It happens in a blink of an eye. Wren becomes certain that something is wrong with Daniel’s handiwork, that it wasn’t just his imagination, and in the next moment his body jolts downwards. If that was the end of it, it wouldn’t be bad - he’d just be a bit startled, he’d get to savor Daniel being proven wrong, but, unfortunately, he mostly did know what he was doing.

Wren’s right arm was still secured with rope, and when he shifted, it stayed in exactly the same position.

He sees stars. His scream of agony comes out as a strained gasp. His shoulder is on fire.

Daniel curses, sets his camera aside and rushes to start painstakingly undoing the knots while Wren hyperventilates, eyes wide, forehead lined with cold sweat.

"I told you!" he chokes out, close to sobbing. "I fucking told you and you didn't- Why the fuck didn't you believe me?!"

Daniel doesn't answer, focused on untying the ropes; Wren's shaky breathing is the only sound. When he's finally freed, the pain only gets worse when his shoulder shifts, and he can't stop tears from falling from his eyes. It hurts so much, a completely new pain. Daniel cradles him in his arms, petting his hair, and the look of remorse on his face is nowhere near as satisfying as it would be if Wren could think more clearly.

"I'm sorry," Daniel says, carefully laying his hand on Wren's injured shoulder, making him tense up and gasp. "Next time I'll make sure the ropes are secure."

"Next time?!" Wren cries. “My shoulder is-”

"I know, I know. And… I need to set it, so be still. Just trust me."

"Again?! You just fucking showed me why-"

Once again, he doesn't get to finish his sentence - with practiced confidence Daniel grabs his arm, lifts it up, and pulls, and Wren howls in agony feeling it pop back into place.

“Okay, okay, it’s okay now,” Daniel whispers, holding Wren close as he struggles to breathe. “You can rest.” He sighs, then the corners of his mouth rise in a playful smirk. “First that animal, now this. I guess I’ll just ask Berkeley to bring me some new rope next time so there’s no more accidents, hm? I really am sorry, though. I’ve learned my lesson.”

“You didn’t learn shit,” Wren rasps, somehow mustering enough strength and clarity to glare at Daniel, who, much to his fury, laughs.

“See how quickly you bounce back? You’re stronger than you realize, sweetheart.”

Wren presses his lips tightly together and shakes his head. He’s not strong enough to fight back in a way that matters, not strong enough to escape. At the moment his strength seems completely meaningless to him, and he’s so tired of staying strong this way when Daniel only seems to find delight in it.

~~~

taglist: @faewhump @inky-whump @whole-and-apart-and-between @whatwasmyprevioususername @procrastinatingsab

@funky-little-glitter-bomb @goneuntil @redstainedsocks @luminouswhump @lonesome--hunter

@as-a-matter-of-whump @renkocchi @whump-only @muddy-swamp-bitch @girlwithacoolcat

@watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees @sophierose002 @whump-headspace @to-whump-or-not-to-whump-blog @kixngiggles

@ohwhumpydays @whumpsical @wibbly-wobbly-whump @stab-the-son-of-a @his-unspoken-words

@pumpkin-spice-whump @onlyhappywhenitpains @suspicious-whumping-egg @morning-star-whump @burtlederp

@there-will-always-be-blood @springwhump

[wuxianxkexing]

Mu Qing x Goddess Reader: Stop Fucking With My Cat Part 5

-----------------------------------------------

What do you mean I have to actually write this story and it won't just magically appear? Yeah, I didn't forget, I've just been too busy for the past like 5 months? Or however long it's been since the last update. Lol

--------------------------------------------------

Ghosts of all types were most active at night. It was a fact of life and it seemed like humans were born with that innate knowledge, the innate fear of the dark. Y/N didn't really mind the dark too much usually. However she really wasn't prepared for how all consuming the darkness of the swamp really was. It was her first time ever being in one. The torch she carried was practically useless. Between the darkness and thick of the swamp the eye could only see maybe a foot or two in front of it even with the help of the torch. Still it was better than nothing. With it's help Y/N was able to traverse the swamp with all of the delicatecy and grace of a couple hours old fawn, instead of one just born mere minutes ago. It was more difficult than walking on just solid ice! Y/N thought as she gave a dismayed look to Mu Qing who was impatiently stopping every few feet or so to wait for Y/N to catch up again. At least solid ice usually doesn't have so many damned obstacles! Y/N had long ago lost count of how many twigs, mossy rocks, fallen trees, roots and just plain mud she had fallen over during their trek deeper into the murky swamp. It didn't help that despite being so dark it was also super loud. Bugs, owls, frogs, everything seemed to be screaming, or rather singing, it's lungs out. Though Y/N supposed that was a good thing. A silent forest is a bad forest.

"At this rate I might as well carry you." Y/N froze over the large tree root she was making her way over. Mu Qing rolled his eyes so hard she wasn't sure if they'd ever return back to normal. Unlike Y/N Mu Qing was making his way through the swamps like an elf. Never a foot misplaced, barely making any noise. He had the footwork that one would expect of a martial God. It kind of annoyed Y/N, nevermind the insult he had just given her. Why was she the only one suffering in this stupid swamp? "Feng Xin could move through this faster and quieter than you. I'm surprised you haven't scared off everything in the area. The frogs must know that you are too clumsy to be a threat." He smirked.

"Well if you hadn't interrupted my hunting lesson with Echo I could've learned cat like footwork from him!"

"Pfft, so you'd make your master my cat? Well I suppose no one else /would/ take you under their wing." Y/N puffed her cheeks in mocking fake anger. She was a martial Goddess. If anything people would fight each other to be able to claim her as their student. They both surely knew that to be true.

"I think your cat would be a good master. The worst he'd do to me is maybe scratch or bite me, but at least he wouldn't have me run laps until my legs fall off." Y/N smiled back.

Mu Qing huffed and rolled his eyes. "Actually the worst he might do to you is try to suffocate you in your sleep by laying directly on your face like he does to me every night. He's not as innocent as he looks."

"Maybe I shouldn't have given him that demon collar after all. Sounds like he is already halfway there." Y/N laughed at her joke but Mu Qing just stared at her, clearly unamused. Y/N mentally hit herself. Right, he still didn't find the whole thing funny. Y/N liked to fancy herself as a comedian but undeniably most people didn't think she was very funny. She made the rest of her way over the large tree root and went to stand next to Mu Qing, who quickly turned on his heel and continued deeper into the swamp. 'Psh, maybe I should just have him carry me.' Y/N thought grumpily to herself. But she knew it was just a thought. No way would she ever ask to be carried by anyone, let alone Mu Qing. He obviously already thought that she was useless, she didn't need to make it worse. And really it was rather pathetic that a martial Goddess was having such a hard time just walking around. Y/N decided to focus harder on making her way through the swamp with some element of grace, and whether through actual focus or just more experience on where to step the duo actually started making decent time on their descent into the swamp. However their slow going in the beginning finally caught up to them as their last torch finally died.

"Nice going Y/N, now we have to walk around in the dark." Y/N felt her eye twitch in the pitch darkness. It wasn't her fault! She was pretty sure that they needed to bring twice as many torches than they did but Mu Qing was the one who didn't want to carry them around!

"General Xuan Zhen, why don't you just light a palm torch? I was pretty sure that we didn't bring enough torches along but you were the one who said that we'd be fine. Don't blame me for your lapse in judgment." Y/N let out through a very forced smile. She wasn't sure why she even bothered since neither of them could see anything at the moment but that's just a part of playing nice she supposed.

"Tch, why don't you light a palm torch. I need to conserve my spiritual energy." Y/N didn't need to see to know that he just rolled his eyes at her though. She thought about telling him to go fuck himself, she needed to conserve her spiritual power as well and being the very popular God that he was he surely had a lot more of it to spare than she did. Y/N waited a few seconds, listening to the sounds of frogs croaking in the night, considering whether or not she would use her spiritual power. To be honest she didn't really need her spiritual powers, her martial abilities were exceptional even without them, so she ultimately decided to cooperate and lit a palm torch for them.

Unexpectedly Mu Qing was standing a whole lot closer to her than she remembered and she almost caught his robe sleeve on fire. "Watch it!" He screamed out as he pulled himself out of the line of fire. Y/N almost laughed. What was he even doing standing so close to her in the first place after he had just told her to light a palm torch?

"Sorry General Xuan Zhen. My bad." Y/N weakly apologized with a small smile on her face. Mu Qing fixed her with a scrutinizing gaze.

"You did that on purpose."

"No I didn't. I thought you were standing over there." Y/N pointed to where Mu Qing was definitely standing when the last torch went out. His eyes followed the line of Y/N's finger and he pressed his lips together firmly. Maybe it was just the lighting from her palm torch but Y/N was pretty sure that Mu Qing was blushing.

"Whatever, let's get going." Mu Qing turned and started to walk off into the darkness, leaving Y/N to chase after him so he didn't get lost or hurt without light.

[studentbyday]

oops! i did it again. lessons from this school year...

Hey, you remember that post I made about my winter term priorities? HAHAHAHAHahaha ha ha. That plan totally went to shit, but it's all part of the journey, right? 😅 (Tbh, it's quite difficult to make a conscious effort to change yourself when the default response to being and feeling busy is to go on autopilot -> all the unconscious habits, even if unhealthy, take control, and bc it's unconscious, you don't realize it until it gets quite bad! anyway! no more! my future plans make it so this will be impossible to do while still retaining some sense of sanity. so to prep, we're gonna slowly implement little changes so hopefully it's not so overwhelming that i give up)

🧘🏻‍♀️ comparing mindsets in fall and winter term

Fall term was not that bad bc I had 2 STEM subjects I really really loved and was interested in (biochem and mol bio 💕), and despite their difficulty, that love and interest and the feeling that "I am in the right field for me" kept me positive. There were times I thought I would feel burnout symptoms if I wasn't careful, but I really think that positivity protected me from the worst of it.

Winter term, however...I had one favorite subject: moral philosophy, which led to me wistfully dreaming about an AU in which I double majored in philosophy and piano performance, lol. After the highs of biochem and mol bio and the natural ease with which the bits of info flowed together in those subjects, I did not enjoy pharmacology or the 2nd half of psyc as much -> loss of interest -> negativity and feeling like I'm in the wrong field bc how dare I not like pharmacology (or psychology) as much as the other life science-y subjects when it's really so important for us to survive and thrive! 😅 I mean, there were times I could get that spark from pharmacology or psyc, but it wasn't often enough or intense enough to keep me consistently inspired throughout the semester. The feeling of "maybe I don't have what it takes and I'm in the wrong field" was compounded by the re-realization that there's sm to know of bioinformatics and I struggle to know any of it! Persevering is important, but it's harder to persevere with a negative mindset.

😤 what went wrong this school year and what i learned from it

I still struggle with perfectionism (and bc of it, procrastination). While it might not be as bad as it was in high school, I still spent too long on assignments that weren't worth much and during finals season, was so scared of getting less than 90% just to keep up my A+ streak. Like, I'm pretty sure no one who cares to know your GPA cares about whether you have an A+ streak or not. I have too high a threshold for what is a "disappointing" grade. I also struggle with deep regret about how I haven't mastered everything they throw at us in each course... definitely an unrealistic expectation, especially as the proportion of new info to absorb increases with each course. I did what I could using what I knew to do, so it is what it is. I may find ways to make improvements and learn more, but I won't beat myself up for not having known to do those things in the past.

Did not use effective study methods. Since first year, my problem has been keeping up with the readings and my solution has been to just use typed outline notes. It worked for the first few years when it was mostly review from previous courses with a few new concepts in between. But as I progress through my degree, the proportion of completely new info is increasing. This notetaking method won't work anymore bc it just causes cognitive overload, especially during exam season (when I've mostly forgotten the details of everything that isn't smth I've already known for years). E.g. for pharmacology, I got so bogged down by the details of all the drug classes that I didn't see the big picture and so didn't organize the info according to it. This made it hard to see patterns and better chunk the info. I was so stressed during finals season bc of this (and the sheer amount of notes that I had to read for psyc 😭). What makes it feel like even more of a problem is that the cognitive overload problem from my notetaking method has been a thing for all other uni courses thus far, it's just that pharmacology was the first time I needed to create a stronger connecting thread between the otherwise disparate pieces of info (drug classes). In all other courses, that thread was part of the nature of the topic being studied so I eventually understood it as I kept going and mentally re-organized it in my brain...but even then it was hodge-podge and so my depth of mastery was and is so flimsy, and every semester I leave feeling drained and like I wasted the opportunity to maximize my learning. (How dramatic I get about this is also probably tied to my perfectionism, but I still think it would greatly benefit future me to change my notetaking style.)

🎓 advice for future me

Look at the academic calendar, specifically the faculty course descriptions. Look at how many hours they say you should expect to spend on each activity in the course. Try to use those learning hours as a guide for your schedule so that you don't spend too long on an item that isn't worth much. If there isn't such a breakdown, assume one based on whatever they give you or other courses and adjust from there.

Be a more efficient reader by skimming the text first so you can map the flow of info in a way that best creates ease of understanding/synthesis/memory (e.g. via an outline, tree diagram, flowchart, mind map, or simple drawings - and noticing when a list/outline will NOT be helpful bc it'll just be too overwhelming and not easy to compare/contrast info and see patterns). I knowww you've survived thus far without doing it this way and done well, BUT with this many courses, the increasing complexity of each subject, and the overload of info in each, you WILL need to do this to make quicker work of the readings, save you sooo much stress during exam seasons, and improve how much you learn while in school which is the real goal you've wanted to achieve all this time. Don't repeat the mistake you made in pharmacology. And it really doesn't have to be aesthetic and you definitely should NOT get caught up with it if you really wanna learn. You could just use one color for everything and a highlighter and just basic shapes/lines - that alone can be way more effective than boring paragraphs/lists or a colorful, overly complex diagram that'll just distract you from the main point.

Create a realistic daily routine (wake-up and sleep times, start and end times for schoolwork) and be strict about following it. Set your non-negotiables for personal goals to keep up with alongside your schoolwork bc academics aren't everything. Remember how you regretted not devoting more time to extra-curriculars and other skills in high school which would've rounded you out as a person. You can try theming the parts of the day so that you don't have to think about what task you should do first after study breaks and keep up the momentum (e.g. mornings for readings and notes, afternoons for active recall/homework). Then you can live the rest of the day after school as structured or unstructured as you wish. If this strategy doesn't work for you, you don't have to use it.

Take advantage of interleaving so you don't get bored. Whether by following the theming strategy or just switching subjects every hour, idc if you aren't done yet, you better switch bc the second consecutive hour of the same thing is never as effective as the first.

[dee-morris]

Three Minisodes, Three Themes

The Final Fifteen kicked me in the face, because it felt like it came out of nowhere. As a breakup scene it felt identical to the Bandstand Scene but unlike the Bandstand I didn't sense any foreshadowing. You could see Aziraphale's anxiety and denial throughout season one, so as painful as it was it felt like a natural progression of events. This didn't feel like that. It felt like a complete gut punch.

But that's because Aziraphale's situation was different this time around, the circumstances were different, the motivation was different. Aziraphale is the one asking to run away this time, and Crowley is the one saying, "I can't, it would mean giving up everything." It's the Bandstand in reverse.

And there WAS foreshadowing; I just wasn't paying attention. If we'd gotten one episode at a time like Neil wanted maybe it would have been different, but never mind. There were three flashback minisodes in season two, and each one showed a significant step forward in the ineffables' relationship and Aziraphale's thinking. All of which culminated in That Decision, which was painful but necessary and I will die on this hill.

In the Job minisode, Aziraphale that he can lie for a good cause and get away with it. He also learns that heaven isn't necessarily the arbiter of all mortal goodness and sometimes he has to follow his own inner compass against the advice of people who claim to know better.

In The Resurrectionists, he learns that there's no such thing as absolute good or absolute wickedness. It's an extension of the first lesson, actually, about free will and making choices when none of them seem optimal. When you don't have enough power to keep you and your love ones safe, every choice is going to suck. And sometimes doing good is a matter of creating better circumstances so good choices are practical and feasible. You can't just wag your finger and expect people to do right. You have to give them the tools. Like, idk, angels who have been told for millions of years that Metatron is the final authority on the will of God: what if something happened to make everyone doubt that? (Did Metatrash actually know what he was doing by hauling Aziraphale back to heaven?)

In the Flesh Eaters minisode (my beloved), the ineffables take turns rescuing each other. "I knew you'd come through for me. You always do." "You said, Trust me." "And you did." (whimpers and bites fist) If that's not foreshadowing of the leap of faith they're going to have to take together to survive and save the world again in season three, I will eat Sir Terry's hat.

I knew from the start that there was a good chance season two would end like that, but I thought if I ignored it hard enough it wouldn't happen lol. Oh well. I hope Neil is feeling better, I had that new variant over the summer and it sucked goats.