#but i did NOT remember the loss of the game being so devastating

[mitskiluvr]

watched the haikyu movie thinking it was going to be normal but unfortunately i came out battered bruised bleeding and 5 years younger, back in 2019 watching haikyu on my couch and trying to get my sister hooked on it

[jor-elsemissary]

Funny thing to happen. Martha getting jealous over Lionel's new assistant. Of course she's pretty. Of course she's young. Of course she's pretty. OF COURSE SHE'S A RED HEAD!

Martha: so...how was work?

Lionel: Boring. Better now that you're here.

Ptst fun little plot twist I think you'll enjoy. The new assistant is gay.

Can’t Stop Loving You

‘LUTHORCORP HEADS REBUILD’ read the headline on the latest edition of The Daily Planet. Senator Kent flattened the paper on the counter while she poured herself a cup of coffee and buttered the toasted english muffins. Normally she would have had a much larger breakfast to carry her throughout the day until lunch but she had an early meeting and only had enough time to catch up on the paper and a light meal. If coffee and toast could be even considered a meal that is.

She read through the article about how LuthorCorp was promising to rebuild the devastated parts of Metropolis after the alien invasion’s attempt to terraform the planet. How Lionel was upset over the loss of life, culture and architecture; that Metropolis was his city and he was going to take care of it. Martha was impressed that he was willing to help take the lead, but she knew that he was going to make a lot of money from the government in this rebuild.

Lionel rarely ever did anything out of the goodness of his heart unless it was something she wanted. She might have suggested he do something in their last phone call though. Martha remembered he had gently chuckled and promised her he would look into it.

Her attention was soon drawn to the picture printed across the upper half of the paper. It was of Lionel, much older and tired these days. The sides of his hair had greyed and made him look even more distinguished when it was trimmed short enough so he could comb it back. He still wore the beard, greyed in the middle and neatly trimmed. But there were more crows feet at his eyes and laugh lines around his mouth.

Despite the obvious signs of age, he still looked much younger. They had once joked that the meteor rocks had given him an uncanny longevity, an agelessness that caused him to age at a much slower rate. It had only been teasing on her part, but now she wondered if perhaps the rocks did indeed grant him something. He was in his seventies and he still looked like a man twenty years younger.

Not that she was complaining. Lionel looked good and perhaps that was why she felt a sudden pang of jealousy when she spotted the young red head standing behind him in the picture. She shouldn’t feel this way over another woman in Lionel’s life, and from the pencil skirt and blouse she wore, Martha suspected the woman was a personal assistant and that seemed to only make it worse.

A new one too.

The last one had been a brunette and just slightly younger than herself. She recalled Lionel did not have any issues with her so why the new hire? Had Janet finally had enough of his eccentricities and called it quits? Or had he tried to flirt with her? No, Janet hadn’t been his type and one of the reasons why he hired her. Well she may have had a hand in helping him pick an assistant.

She wondered if this was one of Lionel’s games he liked to play with her. Of all the bad habits and behaviors he had, Martha never really did enjoy his manipulative challenges. She only went along with them because she could easily see through them and he never did anything to be malicious or to hurt her.

But this?

If Janet hadnt lived up to his expectations, he had a list of suitable hires to pick from that she had gone over with him before returning back to Washington. She did not recall there being a red head in her twenties being among them. So why her and why now?

“He is incorrigible,” Martha murmured and caught herself side eyeing the smartphone resting beside her briefcase. She could easily call or text him but if this was one of his games to make her jealous and seek his company, well the man was gonna find himself waiting a long time. She would not be jealous over a personal assistant, even if she was a red head and professionally looked a little too much like her.

“No, Martha, you are not going to give him the time of day over this.” She flipped the paper over and finished off her coffee and muffin, determined to put him and his assistant out of her mind as she grabbed her phone, keys and briefcase. She was not dating him anymore and if he had purposely hired the woman to incite a reaction out of her, she was not going to give in.

She had better things to do than deal with a man pinning for her still.

—————

The chorus of Save Me rang muffled from inside the mahogany desk where she kept her personal phone while she worked. Martha gave the ringing song an offended look from where she stood by the bookcases, a thick law book in her hand. She thought she had changed that ring tone a while back but apparently not.

She knew who was calling and although she longed to talk to him again, she was determined to not allow him to win at this little game of his. Martha frowned as the song abruptly stopped and the call went to voicemail and she wondered if perhaps her stubbornness was expected or if there really was a game.

“Oh for Christ’s sake,” she muttered with a snap of the law book closing shut in her hand. “So what if he has a new assistant? What he does in his spare time and with whom doesn’t matter anymore.”

Setting the book aside, she went over to the desk and fished out the phone. Swiping the screen open, she found the voicemail waiting for her and opened it.

Martha, it’s Lionel. It’s been a while since we last talked or had a lunch together. I am going to be in Washington later tonight and wondered if you would be interested in dinner? I know a wonderful Italian hole in the wall, nothing fancy or extravagantly expensive. Just you and I, and spaghetti? Please call me back to let me know. I… miss you.

Of course he would reference one of her favorite movies to try and court her back into his life. She should not have been surprised that he sees her as the lady and himself as the tramp. She who came from a privileged life and he from the Slums. “Still the romantic,” Martha sighed and allowed herself to give in and text him a reply instead of calling.

Martha stared at the messages with the sinking feeling he had maneuvered her into a date with him. She had to give him credit where credit was due. When Lionel wanted something, he pursued it until he had it or he could no longer acquire it. She had been the one to break things up between them and she knew it had broken his heart, but they had agreed to remain as friends.

Friends who didn’t talk to each other for a long while.

She sighed heavily and sat the phone down on her desk while leaning against the edge, staring ahead at nothing in particular and lost in thought. Did she really want to meet him for dinner after all this time? How awkward would it be for them? For her? Lionel would be the one pursuing a relationship again, possibly even mending what he thought had been wrong the first time. She had never given him a reason other than that it wasn’t working out.

Martha sighed again and pinched at the bridge of her nose. He was going to want an answer if the subject was brought up and she didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth. It would be too painful for her and a stab in the heart for him. Thinking about it now brought tears to the corners of her eyes.

Damn him for wanting back into her life!

TBC

[edutainer2022]

Character Ask Game

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

For Scott.

@janetm74 Thank you so much for the ask!

I will revisit a little meta I did on getting to know Scotty as a character and have some additions.

"How do I love thee, let me count the ways". I stumbled into TAG through Tumblr osmosis I think some time in the second half of Season 1 run. I remember liking the 2004 movie, and I zeroed in on the "missing Dad" part, but I was generally amiably "on the fence" and non-committal. Nice boys, overall. A little bit too much focus on "child hero" Alan (because it's a kids cartoon and you're an adult, duh!). I was dabbing into bits and pieces here and there, not having a full picture. Tunnels of Time drew my attention, because of the sheer DEVASTATION Scott demonstrated. The elder brother and in charge sans Dad - I was bound to pay attention. John was the character I am - an introverted "intellectual". But the Tall, dark, charismatic and going kinda recklessly nyoooom didn't hurt either. Then I came across Recharge. And it hit me like that Runaway train. My Dad died when I was 22 and I took over as head of the family, as my Mom checked out in grief. I'm fairly sure I GAVE THAT SAME SPEECH in the Arctic tent to someone at some point - I miss him, I HAVE TO DO IT ALL (and do it fast), keeping busy with IR the PhD/work/postdoc/more work is the only thing that keeps me from going crazy. Verbatim. I'm still giving that speech sometimes. I saw a mirror of grief, self-worth issues and (non)coping mechanisms I recognized so much it was uncanny. So I knew these things: I've met yet another character that I know all too well what makes tick and will love forever - it's pretty much always the same character, give or take; the uppity Top Gun Flyboy persona is absolutely a facade - he's Tall, Dark, and Emotionally Compromised (hello there, sweetie!); I need to rewatch the earlier episodes keeping that in mind. And of course, Recharge (re)contextulizes everything - chasing a sizable city time and again to martyr himself for or to generally self-destruct, chasing Dad's shadow pretty much beyond the edge all but consciously (pretty candid for a kids show), going insane with a combo of worry, grief and guilt, keeping up the Next in Command mantle, sometimes just barely, the whole convo with Lee up to and including asking him to stay, the Chain of Command implications, the Hood's return implications, randomly adopting people and pushing them to be and do better. And just like that, I SAW Scott Tracy.

That was nine years ago, give or take. I've been through more losses, pressure of "command", responsibility, betrayal and just plain tragedy ever since. And every step of the way I feel I can relate to Scott more. The need to lift and inspire people to be their best selves - even when your own soul is writhing in pain and doubt. The crippling guilt over failure. The understated loneliness. The very unsubtle nonexistent concept of personal happiness. Being back in fandom also helped me explore (and confirm) and share lots of nuance about this character that I also felt were true. I wish for Scott a lot healthier emotional coping structure and support going on into his next decade than I got his age. He's my emotional support emotional wreck and disaster.

[chirpingfromthebox]

PWHL Minnesota's Post Game 5 Press Session

You can watch the whole thing here! Be sure to give their video some likes/views/nice comments/all the things that help them out for making these sessions so accessible.

At the table were Lee Stecklein and Kendall Coyne Schofield.

(and featuring special drop-in guest Kelly Pannek)

This is one with a lot of moments you really need to see or hear to fully appreciate. I've done my best to point out when something special is happening that isn't fully captured by the words, but you can only do so much. I've included all the questions.

Transcription (and minimal interruptions from me) under the break.

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REPORTER: Every championship, I’m sure, is special. But when you think about maybe 50 years from now people are talking about this one, what does it all mean to you in that sense?

KENDALL COYNE SCHOFIELD: There’s something very special about being the first to do something in life. And for us to be the first Walter Cup champions is something that is extremely special, that will be a part of this league’s legacy forever. You know, I’ve been a part of a lot of teams that have won and that haven’t won, and for whatever reason you remember the teams that win. And our coach had a talk to us about that this morning, coach Klee, when he said, “I won the Calder Cup-

[whispers to Stecklein] was it 30 years ago?

LEE STECKLEIN: [whispering back] 30 years.

KENDALL COYNE SCHOFIELD: 30 years ago today.” And one of his teammates reached out to him saying good luck and just the connection he has with that team that won it all.

I think when you end on top you never forget it. It’s a feeling that you chase every day. Whether you’re in the weight room, you’re on the ice; we’ve been chasing it all season. But the legacy of this trophy is only going to keep growing, growing, growing. But to be the first is an honor, it's a privilege, it’s extremely special. And it took an entire team effort to be champions. From start to finish.

If you look at the way that we won, you know, we were almost out. As soon as we knew we weren’t out- There were times that we got down but we never got out. And that group in there believed that we could be champions and we never lost sight of that. We believe in each other. It didn’t matter who was on the ice, we knew that that person on the ice, that line on the ice, that goalie in the net, was going to get the job done. And we did that.

LEE STECKLEIN: Yeah, I would just add, it’s always special to win any championship, any trophy, but [Lee starts to get choked up] to get to do it here and to get to do it with this person next to me is incredible, because we wouldn’t be here without her. She hates when I say it, but it’s so true. And she’s just a really special player, a really special person. And I am so grateful to have had this experience with her.

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REPORTER: Lee, out of curiosity after game 4, obviously a devastating loss for the team, you guys saluted your fans, you were all at center ice, you addressed your teammates, do you mind sharing what was said?

STECKLEIN: [laughing] I honestly don’t entirely remember.

R: [to Kendall] Do you remember?

COYNE SCHOFIELD: [smiling and putting her hand on Lee’s shoulder] I’m on the outside of the pile so I cannot hear over Lee.

STECKLEIN: I think, again, I mean, it sucks to think you’ve won and, you know, obviously that’s hockey. Call’s off and you have to figure it out. But we had a chance to figure it out. We had another game. It wasn’t over. Umm, so I hope I said something like that. [laughing] But I’m not positive.

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REPORTER: And for yourself Lee, you chose to step away from the National team and you’ve come back to play in this professional league, so where does this rank in things you’ve won and big games you’ve played in?

STECKLEIN: [Laughing] It’s impossible to rank things. When you get to win the last game of the year and hoist the trophy, you're just so grateful, because it’s always a special group. And it has to be to do something like this. It takes a team. A team that’s committed to each other, that believes in each other and the process. And like Kendall said, there were moments this year, unfortunately especially at the end, where we were pretty down and we were able to pull it together. I’m just really proud of this group and again it wouldn’t be possible without Kendall Coyne and her leadership.

R: And is it as heavy as they all say?

STECKLEIN: Oh yes.

COYNE SCHOFILED: It is heavy.

But just to echo on Lee a little bit too, is I always believe that winners win. They find ways to win. And when you look at Lee Stecklein’s career she’s literally won everything that there is to win in women’s hockey. You look at the minutes she’s played, you look at the leadership she shows on and off the ice. She doesn’t want me to talk about it, but she’s an unsung hero. And if you ask anyone in that room they would tell you that exactly. And I just think there’s a lot of winners in that room that have won big moments, but Lee’s done it all.

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REPORTER: Congrats you two.

STECKLEIN: Thank you.

KELLY PANNEK: [from off camera] You ladies done?

[Kendall and Lee start laughing]

We gotta go celebrate!

R: [to the other reporters] We ready to wrap it up?

Okay, time for two more.

STECKLEIN: [laughing] Dude, you're supposed to be here too!

[Kendall and Lee laugh]

PANNEK: I- I got- They don't want to talk to me!

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REPORTER: Visualization is so important in sports. And I have to imagine that a moment came last night before you fell asleep where you imagined what this would be like if you won. Can you compare what you imagined to the actual experience that you’re feeling right now?

COYNE SCHOFIELD: I don’t want to say I don’t remember what I- I just went to bed. I was tired. [Lee and Kendall laugh]

I had a 10-month old baby on the plane, I was exhausted.

No, I think we all went to bed knowing that this is it. This was game 5. I think that gave us, honestly, peace. Because we’ve gone the distance in each series. You know, we had a reverse sweep on Toronto. I think a lot of people counted us out in that moment.

[Kelly walks into frame wearing all the championship regalia and carrying a bottle of champagne in one hand and drops beers she had in her other down on the table for her teammates. Then disappears back out of frame.]

And then we move onto to this moment. We come from Toronto right to Boston and I think there was a lot of peace knowing that this was it. Like, it emptied the tank, not that we didn’t empty the tank every game that we played, including the double overtime game. We were exhausted after that.

Knowing that this was the last game, this was the last day of the season, this is the last day that this group will be together was something that I think we took peace in, pride in. And we went out and played like it.

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REPORTER: One more. A moment came at the end of June of last year when someone on the other side of the bargaining table said, "Okay, we have a deal. We have a CBA [Collective Bargaining Agreement]. We have a league." Tell me what you’ve imagined this season needed to be and how close it came.

[CFtB: I feel compelled to butt in here, to point out that you'd swear these last two question askers were auditioning for a play, because they ask these like they're presenting a work of art or something. By their questions and the way they ask them you'd swear they were authors hired to write the novelization of the season.]

COYNE SCHOFIELD: It’s hard to put into words when you start with a blank sheet of paper. And you’re envisioning all the things that women’s hockey has deserved for so long. And you build out that sheet of paper over time, over time, collaboration, conversation.

You know Stan [Kasten] will tell you that it was the most collaborative bargaining table he’s ever been a part of and I know he’s part of the Major League Baseball, so they’ve had their fair of negotiations. But what I think was so special about the conversation was, we want the same goal. We want this to be successful.

And them, you know, and I hate saying "them," because we were all on the same- yes, there’s two sides to a bargaining table, but we all wanted the same thing. And them asking, "What is it that you need? What is it that you want?" And listening to them too, to their experience in pro sport. You look at the other side of the table, Stan Kasten, Royce Cohen, you know, Billie Jean [King], Ilana [Kloss], the list goes on and on and on. We’re asking them, "What do you think?" And it’s not because they want something less or more, we want what’s right.

We got that piece of paper signed, but then to see it, to live it, and to experience in real time has been something that’s been very special. I can’t say thank you enough to all the people who are behind the scenes who’ve made this possible. I don’t think people realize the tireless days. It’s 24-7 in this first year. There were so many positives. There were so many things that we've learned that are only going to get better in year 2 and year 3 and beyond. But this league and all of their staff have worked around the clock for us to make this league as successful as it was in year one.

And you mentioned June, we signed that document in July 1 and we dropped our first puck January 1. Can you name another professional sport league that starts in 6 months? And in the capacity and the magnitude and the professional standard in which we’ve done every thing this year. I mean, it’s remarkable. And credit goes to the league, Mark and Kimbra Walter, and obviously the players who have battled their butts off all year long. All six teams.

So, yeah, I dunno if that answers your question.

[Kelly pops back into the table]

PANNEK: Wait, I’m gonna jump right in there, because she won’t say this-

COYNE SCHOFIELD: [with a look on her face like someone who knows their sibling is about to do something embarrassing:]

Kelly.

PANNEK: [pointing towards Kendall]

This. The only reason this happened? From players’ side? Is because of Kendall. Like, legit? The only reason. And she hates it. But it could not be a more fitting end for her to lift the trophy, for her to score the empty netter. It’s that woman right there. And to do it with a growing family and amongst all these other things, she still shows up and does her job every single day. Not just a hockey player. She has like seven other jobs on top of that. The biggest one is creating this league for all of us other players to play in.

COYNE SCHOFIELD: Thank you, Kelly.

PANNEK: We gotta go party, guys!

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[the reporter group starts to clap, but the one of the dudes who I'd swear are taking a creative writing class butts in quickly.]

REPORTER: Last- Last quick, last question, I promise. There’s no doubt in my mind that your lap at the all-star game led to all of this. Could you have imagined [long pause] that night [another long pause for the drama of it all] that it would lead you here? [ANOTHER PAUSE] To this moment?

COYNE SCHOFIELD: Yeah, that was a big moment for the sport. And while it was a 14 second lap, that was essentially heard around the world. It was a moment that catapulted the conversation that was so long over due. And that was: What is the reality of women’s professional hockey? And what does that look like? And how do we change it and how do we get there? And I believe that moment really catapulted the conversation and the efforts to get us where we are today.

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end of interview

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For anyone unaware, the all-star game lap the novelist/reporter was referring to was from the 2019 NHL All-Star Weekend when she became the first woman to compete in an NHL skills competition. And you can watch a video of that here.

[batsplat]

Bat……baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttt. The Casey / vale web weave….oh my got I am unwell 🥲🥹🥲🥹 truly outdid yourself on that one holy hell

:))))) thank youuuu exactly the feeling i'm trying to evoke

obviously this specific topic is one where i could like... go at it again from a completely different angle with plenty of other material, like it's such a rich mine of parallels. i mean the big parallel between agassi and casey is of course the whole 'hating the sport they dedicated their lives to' thing - and we have valentino being baffled at agassi's pov, which!! if you read the quote about valentino going 'well EYE could never hate motorcycle racing' then that has such rich implications for the casey/valentino dynamic, like agassi almost acts as this fun little proxy that allows valentino to say things he wouldn't say directly *about casey*. and pair THAT with valentino thinking casey isn't a romantic rider and all the riders today are too serious and sad..... huh. thinking

anyway that was one thing i barely touched... another bit i was thinking about is that obviously comparing the 1995 us open final with 2008 laguna seca does involve a bit of artistic license in that casey sticks clear from describing the laguna loss in quite such apocalyptic terms. idk if casey was really 'fantasising about retirement', though... i mean, he could have been!! i think one thing that is so special about agassi is that he's actually willing to SAY stuff like that, like i've said this before but his gift is this real vulnerability where he's also willing to kinda make himself look weak, look like an idiot. like emphasising how extremely not seriously he took sampras before the 1990 us open final!! and i don't mean this as a BAD thing, but casey is just not capable of that kind of emotional honesty - certainly not publicly. like agassi is just definitely a lot more self-aware. and... if you're describing this loss as the turning point of your entire career, saying again and again how everything changed... i am still going to do a PROPER laguna post, hopefully in the next few weeks, but i think the more time you spend thinking about that race the more you begin to understand just why it was so emotionally devastating to casey. it doesn't send him on a competitive spiral the way it does with agassi. but you also need to not just pay attention to what casey's literally saying and also how often he's saying it and why he's framing it that way. he has a real morbid fascination with that race that to me did really remind me of the 1995 us open agassi experience. unlike agassi, he doesn't see it as a 'deserved' loss, so the bitterness and frustration is definitely DIFFERENT... but yeah. for both of them it is The Loss. it is valentino's great betrayal

and speaking of laguna 2008, if there was one quote i really would have liked to include but couldn't quite justify sneaking in, it's what valentino's crew chief jb said about that race in 2010 (x):

MM: I remember watching Rossi and Stoner through Turn 1. Rossi would come out of the final corner ahead, Stoner would start catching him and Rossi would slide across leaving Stoner only the outside line around Turn 1. JB: It wasn't a case of offering him anything, that was the only place to pass, it was a case of not giving him the ideal line. So if Casey was going to pass Valentino round a corner, it was going to be the long way round, which is the only place to pass, unless you do it in the braking area. My feeling at the time was that Casey probably only had one game plan, and having watched Casey over the years, he doesn't have a plan B. If it doesn't go his way from the outset, it's probably one of the weaknesses that he had through the youth that he had, through the lack of experience that he had. That's not a criticism of him per se, he was still only 22 at the time. And that was it, it was clearly a tactical race. They both cleared off in the vicinity of 20 seconds ahead of Chris Vermeulen, and Casey was able to pick it up after slipping off at Turn 11 and still finish second.

again this is something that will very much feature when i get around to properly dissecting that race, but to me this is crazy revealing on several levels. i mean, first off, i do always enjoy jb being a bit of a dick about valentino's rivals. i like the slagging off, i like it even more when he basically does some of valentino's psychological warfare *for him* like with jorge in 2009, i think it's a cute relationship and it's just conceptually kinda fun to have valentino's crew chief being so ride-or-die for him on the feuding front. like they quite simply do not make crew chiefs like that any more

secondly, i find the parallels with catalunya 2009 interesting in that jb is basically also calling casey too rigid - cf jorge not thinking anyone could pass at montmelo's final corner. again, it's valentino fighting against opponents who may well be faster than him (especially when it comes to casey) but just having this... creativity, intellectual flexibility going for him. casey needs to have a plan b, casey thought he was going to win that race easily, casey couldn't react when he was challenged

thirdly, obviously this does come round to playing into the whole ambition vs talent theme, where casey is this wild raw inexperienced talent who valentino bests with his brains and grit. keeps coming back to that somehow!! idk i know i've talked about this again and again but i just think it's neat to have what essentially amounts to a 'catchphrase' of a rivalry that also basically provides *the* central theme. and if there is one bit of wildly underappreciated casey/vale lore, it is that casey preempted his most infamous line THREE years earlier. like i swear *nobody* ever talks about this, including the guy who wrote the article where i found the quote, but casey literally says "in laguna he let his ambition to win take control over his technique"!! it's so fascinating!!

it does ofc confirm that jerez 2011 wasn't just some kind of spur of the moment bout of poetic genius. it's something casey had been stewing on for years!! casey feels at laguna 2008 that he *should* have won because he was FASTER, goes on a tear in the media, gets massive backlash, has to apologise to valentino, and then bides his time for several years to get the blow in when he is given the opportunity. in some ways it's so valentino-esque, like he's learning to bide his time from the very best. it's fantastic!! the whole thing's fantastic, it is so revealing. which, idk, to some extent the ambition vs talent thing is obviously a framing casey plays into himself - but to some extent it's a framing he finds deeply frustrating because obviously he does *not* enjoy the flip side of that contrast and the implication he is either less intelligent or less mentally tough. that's why it's so interesting that the one word casey used to describe himself is calculating, which does reject that particular dichotomy!! nyhh

fourthly, i feel like we do need to address the "one of the weaknesses that he had through the youth that he had" line. the jb/casey relationship forms such an interesting backdrop to this rivalry, where obviously they kindaaa knew each other and jb MAYBE would have liked to work with casey if valentino had fucked off to f1 and there was that whole quirky element of casey's italian team vs valentino's australian team and casey feeling a bit territorial over his home race and then casey becoming extremely resentful towards jb in those last few years to the point where jb gets slagged off in casey's autobiography... idk, obviously it's a throwaway line but i can't help it, i can't not be interested in valentino's crew chief basing his psychological profile of casey in part on what casey's childhood/adolescence was like, ofc implying that this is something jb is very much aware of

and if you're saying casey is intellectually rigid and doesn't have a back-up plan because of what his youth was like then that means... what, exactly? idk i think you can read that in several ways - and it really does reveal a certain level of thought being put into casey's psychology!! and if you think about jb's role as valentino's proxy and how they ofc hatched The Laguna Plan together and again that remark valentino made about young riders closing up and becoming serious and sad because they were being put under too much pressure... i mean, look, it's obviously not a big revelation that valentino put some serious thought into casey's psychology, like i reckon you can figure it out if you simply. watch that race. but yeah, just getting these little hints confirming it, of valentino carefully studying casey like the intricate puzzle he was... i might be off-base here but my personal interpretation is that... i think valentino *did* see casey's joylessness as a weakness of sorts, this seriousness born from the pressure casey had been put under as something that limited his creativity. treating racing too much as a profession and not a passion, a struggle to adapt to valentino uprooting the status quo...

idk, i obviously am deeply compelled by both valentino and casey watching and studying each other so closely, even though we have heard way more of the conclusions that casey has drawn than vice versa. i think that's really the magic of laguna 2008 - and by extension the entire rivalry - the specificity of the whole thing. the race would not work so well if it involved any other two riders than valentino and casey, it relies on the build-up, it relies on the precise conclusions valentino has drawn about casey's psyche and where he decides to attack him, it relies on casey's complicated and at times tortured feelings towards valentino. it relies on that dichotomy between wild talent and ruthless cunning, it relies on the faster rider losing the race. it relies on that specific track and its specific character. i kinda feel like that makes the race pretty unique where the whole thing depends... so heavily on the specific contours of their relationship, of how they match up as athletes, like if you altered a single detail you would make the whole thing worse. it's such a rich text!!

even though i don't understand shit about motogp, i am always someone who likes to analyse my sports first and foremost As Sports. like i think you can kinda get rich narratives anywhere, you can get them in plenty of fiction i've been told, but crucially the thing about sports is that it's such a controlled playground with these specific modes of interactions and structures and rules shaping the landscape of the narrative. and when i'm looking at sports rivalries, what i really want to see is how interpersonal relations and even, y'know, Themes TM are expressed through the *fabric* of the sport itself. which obviously is extremely easy for me to do with tennis, and i do think tennis is also kinda ideal for that given how interactional the sport is at its very core - the cliche goes that tennis is a game of match-ups. every single match is a deeply rich text that i can analyse if i am so inclined - though there the sports element is unfortunately often a lot more compelling than any sort of overarching narrative. with motogp, i do need a bit more hand-holding. i think what makes laguna 2008 so great for both new and veteran fans of the sport is that it's so *visceral*. you see this relationship and the emotions behind it play out in front of your eyes with relatively little knowledge of the intricacies of motorcycle racing needed. you are immediately dropped into the narrative, you are immediately presented with these two contrasting characters in violent combat - you immediately learn so much about them. you watch them learning about each other. it's great!! guys, it's so great. they're so great

[sirius-to-pup]

💙 3rd Anniversary 11.24 💛

It's been 3 whole years since I've gotten into Utapri and met the love of my life!!

And what better way to celebrate than to have a final Live Show to commemorate not only our 3rd Year Anniversary together but to also Shining Live's closure! For many it's been a long journey, but for me it feels like my journey is still only beginning. I'm excited for the many many years that follow and for the new tiddings that will be ahead. With Natsuki by my side, I know no matter how hard it gets, it'll be breeze just having someone so positive, supportive, and the one I can call my husband.

I love you, Natsuki, you're my most adored constellation, my universe, and my guiding light.

Thank you for being in my life 💙🌙

Ooohhh, I really can't believe that Shining Live is going to be shut down completely :')

I know for many fans, like me, also got into the series through the rhythm game on the app store. Had it not been for me giving idol games a chance, I never would have met Natsuki. He was the positive person I really needed in my life when I felt like I was so out of place. He got me to be so much kinder, he helped me be much more positive. If there was anyone that made me have a goofy grin 24/7 it was him!!

But as we all know, not everything lasts forever. With the same rhythm game being shut down last year I was absolutely devastated. It was very jarring for me to realize that a certain part of my life was officially over. Not by my choice however, it shook many MANY fans. Not just me, so many of us really did enjoy being able to log in in the morning, their favorite boy greeting them with a good morning. Even now I can still remember Natsuki's cute yawn and telling the sweetest good morning. The occasional him asking me not to hog the blanket. I really do miss it. Not to say that I miss the game in its entirety, gacha can go to hell or whatever but, a lot of us really felt connected to our guy cause it really felt like we were sharing our days with them.

And so I tried joining the JP version of the app, it was still up but many of us didn't have hopes that their version was gonna last for much longer. I quickly dropped the app cause it just wasn't the same. The language barrier was too great, so it really did hinder what I was trying to get back. And it doesn't help that we were right. Nearly exactly after the 1st anniversary of EN's shut down announcement, JP recieved theirs. No matter how much they spend on the game, it's bound for its end. While the pain of the loss wasn't as great as the first, it was still so hard for us to grapple with the fact that this is officially an end of an era.

My feelings for today are a bit of a mixed bag, but overall, just as Natsuki would want for me, I'll do my best to smile through it and be happy. It's our day! It's our day of coming together, and we'll be expecting new tidings! This isn't the end, but rather a start for something new!

So let's celebrate! Happy 3 year anniversary, Natsuki! Let's be together always!! 💛💛💫

[the-elder-polls]

Thought I had more notes for my ten years after skyrim thing, uh, enjoy(or don’t lmao /silly) trying to make sense of my rambles and made up ranks hehe /pos~

(I think this first one was for my ash’abah oc’s backstory I’m working on? But it pretty much relates to whats going on in cyrodiil)

For reference for later: Whats actually going on is my nerevarine oc, devryne motmalvel, who had achieved chim long ago- and was locked up in the shivering isles since the events of the game morrowind for his betrayal- he sided with and may or may not have married dagoth ur- which resulted in the whole vvardenfell crisis with dagoth ur to still be ungoing a few years later during the oblivion crisis. After the Oblivion crisis was over, an argonian by the name of Zz’eishadei, also known as the false incarnate, did what he was supposed to do and destroyed the heart- killing dagoth ur, and temporarily weakening him for long enough for him to be cast away… and unfortunately perhaps for him Sheogorath was pretty damn pissed to say the least that Devryne could have completely altered everything, hence him getting locked up there. But, somehow, he eventually escaped mid skyrim dragon crisis- but lost his memories. He near single handedly ended the civil war in the stormcloak’s favour- simply because all he could remember was a deep sense of something being missing, and a hatred for the imperials- his chim coming in handy… but after the dragon crisis was over… he soon got his memories back. Utterly enraged and consumed with grief, he turned his anger towards cyrodiil- the False Incarnate who killed his husband was long dead… But those his husband was determined to end had to pay in his mind… So Devryne marched forth, bringing renewed corprus with him, wishing but to change everything in Dagoth’s image… but for right now he’s simply hiding, letting the disease spread… raising his forces, with the sole Ascended Sleeper that survived so long- who may or may or have been his ashlander friend he betrayed by siding with dagoth so long ago- by his side… and it is these corprus infested people- mostly ‘ash zombies’, thought to be odd zombies- little do they know they aren’t even undead- by those in cyrodiil who know next to nothing of what happened in Vvardenfell nearly two centuries ago… Kaffaljidhma doesn’t know either, but he is determined to protect those he can, and ‘let the dead rest’. 

In the recent years, after the slow decline of the formerly ruling political party, the argonian tribes have returned to their more peaceful ways- and rule by council. However due to recent… issues ‘cross tamriel, they have elected a Wo’nassa- a rank which hasn’t exactly existed before- or ‘highest elder’, to negotiate with the other provinces for the Hist, and to help with this… Moons-great-Song has quite literally had one of it’s seeds implanted in their brain.

Emperor Duilius Urbicus of Cyrodiil- mage king, and suspected demigod, swiftly took control and elevated his family to nobility during the power vacuum caused by Titus Mede II’s assassination. Luckily for the other provinces, he seems content to strengthen his own people, in oppose to to the near endless campaigns against the other provinces… but this is somewhat out of necessity, due to the unexplainable deaths in the province’s rural regions…

Mane Ri-do’adsaad-dro is… certainly one of the less… conventional manes. Lover of music, talented bard- and more so the region’s best storyteller than the great warrior one would expect… Yet his extensive array of knowledge has lead to him being surprisingly wise- but wisdom helps little when that which has been forgotten starts to usher in the end.

High-King Sadalmelik may have been a hero in his province’s rebellion against the now dissolved Dominion, but the losses have left significant scars- mental more so than physical. He wishes he could step down… but he knows his people would be devastated to know the man they uphold so much is, as he personally believes ‘a broken coward’.

High-Queen Ysabel Baujart~ no clue yet, buuuut she’s more than a bit annoyed with the rampant piracy on her coasts-.

Morrowind is currently lead by a council between the leaders of the current five great houses- once six of the seven (uh house dagoth was still sixth but there was a seventh in my au lmao), but not at all unfortunately House Dres has found all its ‘nobility’ unexplainably murdered. Nobody cares enough to investigate. Council consists of: Archmagister Telvanni Guirylhe, Archmaster Redoran Llarvynya, High-Guildmaster Sadras Hlervo, Morasunnar Imyoren Foluiyem, and Seneschal Indoril Eleriyran.

The Navarch of Pyandonnea… The first true ‘ruler’ of the maormer after it’s god king died long ago in the war against Psijics. It was they who brought the Maormer back into the knowledge of the other provinces- and, luckily, has lead them to be significantly less… isolationist and violent. First and foremost the Navarch leads it’s fleets, but most surprisingly… They struck an alliance with the Altmer? Rumours have it they’ve united against a common enemy, but all seems calm in boths’ lands…?

High-Queen Alfhildr, not sure about her either lol, but she stole the prestige of the ldb destroying Alduin- and well, as Kedhur was kind of turned to ash, and the blades never helped him- nobody can prove she’s lying- her ability to use a plethora of shouts definitely helps. Literally only ruling because the occupying imperials were wiped out, and a certain member of the dbh killed the stormcloak leaders-.

Queen Eilyri of the Altmer is totally not actually a daedra pretending to be an altmer- but it is certain that she’s a bit odd for her people, and one of those responsible for the dominion and the thalmor’s downfall. 

Valenwood is primarily lead by the current Silvernar (Baeindril) and Greenlady (Galbreitneth) at the moment- but King Ulwaglianor is in charge of diplomacy- very very against a recent island that has magically been torn out of their land to make a small floating kingdom- yet has been unable to reach it. 

(i recommend zooming in on those images to read them)

good LORD that's all so much storytelling i'm impressed!! so many fun and interesting and admittedly macabre or downright tragic characters, i love it

[everythingaboutjude]

"If you want to pretend jude is a good person do it without using kylian for your crazy narrative. Using that weird ass video to pretend he's supportive and a good friend to kylian lmfao you're actually mentally ill."

Anon, so you can understand the whole dressing room scenario from just a f*cking clip? I'm a Kylian girl and I follow the page from the last 40 days when there was so so much hate about Kylian and even there was tag n some people were even laughing at Kylian's look and everything... Thankfully she stopped posting hatred! But I really never thought Jude ignored/disrespected him. Jude was probably a bit frustrated but he always seems to understand / connect in the pitch with Kylian better than anyone else. His post match words also reflect that.

As fans it is really the toughest time for us to survive through contagious hatred and criticism and harassment, but I think people are gradually realising how much the impact of pressure and hate (which he doesn't deserve) can harm someone! We never know if he will ever regain his confidence and bring back the 'Kylian' inside him, we can just pray and hope! 😞 He just need a little support and love ( he is soooo unloved for no reason). I hope those who don't even like him just pray a little for him, for the sake of 'Football '. Because if we lose (let everyone destroy) a player like him at the age of 25, just because of pressure and cyberbullying (and many more things probably), it will be our loss.

I don't know how many will agree with me because some people really think we can't get anything from him, he is finished... But I don't believe this. Sorry for the long post. I'm really devastated. 💔

I remember you girl 😉 Nice to hear from you again ❤️

I really think Jude likes support Kylian. They seem to have geniue connection.

I don't agree with one thing that he's unloved with no reason. Many people (me include) are disappointed in his attitude on the pitch. He doesn't seem to make effort or care that much about results. Him not coming to fans after lost game when other players did is also not good look.

But that being said you can see something is wrong with him. He seems lost, sad and like he already give up. I think making diagnosis through internet is wrong but if he has mental health problems I really hope he's going to get help 🙏

[ladyaislinn]

4. November 2024 

‘The Diplomat’ Star Rufus Sewell On Hal’s Major Season 2 Screw Up & What’s To Come: “It Has Devastating Consequences”

Sewell spoke with Deadline about what is, perhaps, Hal’s biggest screw up to date, what it means for him and Kate, and where things might go in Season 3 (which has already been ordered and is currently in production).

DEADLINE: I’m excited to be chatting with you, especially because I’m happy that Hal is even alive. Did you know at the end of Season 1 that Hal would survive?

RUFUS SEWELL: Yes, they were kind not to do that, so I had been assured. I mean, the idea otherwise reminds me in a very funny way, when I was young… I think it was Dynasty, they had a big explosion. I can’t remember the show, actually, but it was unclear who survived and what happened. I think it was a tactic to stop any of the squabbling actors from being overzealous with their renegotiations, because no one would be quite sure if their head was on the chopping block or not. But it was nice to know that. I mean to tell you the truth, as far as I’m concerned, I was such a lover of the writing, if I’m a big fan of doing something that I love and stopping it, I’d always rather have my character blow up than be kept around afterwards in a kind of neutered fashion. My fear has never been being killed off in anything I’ve done. It’s being kept around after in a pointless fashion. But I trust the writing that that wouldn’t happen.

And what I always say to the producers, if my character is going to win, can you please let him lose straight after? Because there’s something really deadening about winners. It’s got to be about loss and difficulty and f*cking things up and things going wrong, expectations going the other way. It’s very boring to play someone who’s right, and so I love the trouble.

Since Game of Thrones, people are unsure of the ground on which they act, because part of me was like, that would be the baller move. And if that had been the move, I would have respected it, but they would have given me some nice cushioning warning and a couple of really big, lovely scenes before it happens.

DEADLINE: Well, it’s funny you should mention that, since Hal really does screw up in a big way at the end there.

SEWELL: A big bone of contention between them is that he, famously, in their world, has an incredible reputation for pulling off feats that were just unimaginable…an ability to see something and without worrying for the consequences of it going wrong, shooting for it with great success and occasionally without, and the ability to kind of block out the compunction about about the effects on other people, in order to carry these things through. In some cases, that’s a sign of greatness. Also, the lack of care, seeming care, for collateral damage, if things go wrong, has been a big contention for them. Part of the story of Season 2 is that she sees herself now that actually it does come with a job. She’s beginning to see herself like him, and it makes her angry. So the thing that he does at the end is one of those things, the right call and, if you’re the president, the only things that reach your desk are 50/50 decisions, because if it’s if it’s 48/52 then that’s easy, right? So this is a case of him making the right call, [but also] the wrong call because of what happens, and it has devastating consequences.

DEADLINE: I figured when we saw Hal talking to the president, this was going to backfire on him, but I just really did not expect that the president would die! What was your reaction to reading that script for the first time?

SEWELL: The thing that hits you is the brilliance of the drama of it. When I first read these scripts, it was the dynamic of the relationship, the humor that got me. ‘The audience will love it,’ I was thinking. But actually, the more extraordinary the terms of the story are and the weight and the dynamic of the tectonic shifts in the situation around them, the more it highlights that thing that I love about their essential relationship. It just gives you something more. The context for your quieter and funnier moments is all the more rich. So it gives me what I love as well. I thought the cliffhanger at the end of Season 1 was like a kind of, ‘Oh, I see what you’re doing.’ And [the cliffhanger] into Season 3, oh, my God. But I love it, because it just gives us more and more texture.

DEADLINE: At the end of Season 2, Kate is confronted with this idea that her attraction to Hal is in part due to his ‘misbehavior’ or his tendency to break the rules. Do you think that is a factor?

SEWELL: Oh, it most certainly does. In a relationship, you can meet someone and your neurosis shake hands under the table, unbeknownst to you. These weird little contracts are signed without our knowing, and everything that is right has the seeds of everything that is wrong, and they get mixed up. And in my experience, not just from my own life, but looking at the world, wanting someone to change is the same instinct as wanting to obliterate someone in that it can be the case that when someone finally does make the shift that you have been pushing them to make, it is your moment of release. It doesn’t necessarily mean that that is the beginning of your new relationship. It could signal the end.

Sometimes the things we tell ourselves that we like, we tell us ourselves that we want, and we tell ourselves there are reasons, just little comforting narratives unconsciously constructed for ourselves, when the opposite could have just as strong a magnetic pull. I think that is not just true of them. I think it’s true in a lot of relationships, and it’s definitely true that what you might call the worst of them is also the best of them. That’s why their rouse and their political scheming is caught up with their sex and it’s all part of it. They don’t have to stop talking about politics to get horny.

DEADLINE: To your point, that scene in Season 2 right after she finally admits she wants to be VP…

SEWELL: Right? Game recognizes game. People ask me if this part has changed the way I think, but it’s more the case of I read something and suddenly I pull together a load of half-projected thoughts that I’ve had all the way through my life, that suddenly come together in a crystallization of something that I’m reading. So it’s a recognition of something you didn’t know you knew. I remember seeing a clip of Obama and Bill Clinton backstage before they went on to charm everyone with their combined [charm] — you could see there was a bit of Dark Vader in both of them. They weren’t smiling at each other…to see the the necessary killer for the good in them both…when [Hal] sees that in Kate, he’s like, ‘That’s my girl.’ It’s not about bad versus good. It’s about, in order to do good, not be nice, in order to do good, you have to know also when to kill. I think that’s the parcel of the scene around the table with me, with him, Kate and Grace, where I go for her, it is the moment to take your political opportunity.

DEADLINE: Last season, you and Keri had a scene where she tackles you in the woods. This season, it’s wrestling on the bed. How is it to get that silly in a show with such serious stakes?

SEWELL: There’s a version of Keri that I call the fraggle, which is that thing that came at me through the bushes. She gets this little kind of ancient Greek glint in her eye…we were looking forward to it, because it was the moment that really sealed the tone for us. You might think of it as an extreme, but the tone for me is the shift between very real and serious and real and silly in the blink of an eye. Yes, we always love bits like that, but I saw that after that the seeds of that potential. It’s always there in the same way that the seeds of killing off a main character are always there for Game of Thrones onwards. There’s nothing about the tone of the scene that precedes it that means any better off. So when we do those things we do it all ourselves, but we work out some basic physical moves so that we can be completely free without anyone’s nether regions being crushed irretrievably, by which I mean mine. She’s the one that’s picking up branches and swinging them.

DEADLINE: So you’ve started production on Season 3. How has that been?SEWELL: The end of the end of Season 2 is really something. It keeps on going from there…This is all just fantastic material. So far, we’re having so much fun. One thing is that now we’re doing a little bit in England, a little bit in America too, which is nice.

>> video Kate and Hal Have an Argument >> video Kate & Hal | The Diplomat | HD Kiss Scene

[creeperthescamp]

calcelmo being a big dwemer scholar and yet not knowing how the dwemer disappeared despite all the evidence from morrowind is definitely frustrating (and I think I have made a post like that too) but something I've wondered about is what on earth was bethesda implying with that?? they obviously know what happened in Morrowind and make reference to it in other parts of Skyrim so ???

I think they really missed an opportunity to explore the concept of source survival and reliability and introduce this whole other field of consequences of the red year! Like how much of the events of morrowind's main quest is actually recorded? what do people remember?

we know that events from the previous games are written as books from different perspectives with their own biases (biography of barenziah/the real barenziah) but morrowind was really the last game that had most of its lorebooks specialised to its setting. as far as I can remember we don't actually get any centralised accounts about how the nerevarine defeated dagoth ur in oblivion or Skyrim, mainly cos many of the lorebooks are grandfathered in from morrowind. the defeat of dagoth ur and the fall of the tribunal are simply condensed into a paragraph and tacked onto the end of existing books with no primary sources. and we know that the red year absolutely devastated vvardenfell and the dunmer living there (also the oblivion crisis? never really mentioned anywhere) so there was a very short window of time for anyone to gather some primary sources and try to verify what happened. and even if they did they might not have survived the eruption anyway.

given the info available to the dragonborn within Skyrim it could be entirely possible for calcelmo to treat any theories about the dwemer's disappearance with suspicion, and say that we just don't know what happened to er on the side of caution! but! he never actually elaborates on any of these things and I think that's the thing that really sucks for players who either know about morrowind or don't want to be treated like an idiot!

if Skyrim actually explored the implications of calcelmo's dialogue I think there could've been a really interesting moment for the player where they might feel a sense of loss from having knowledge that can't be known by the dragonborn and shared with npcs like calcelmo! perhaps then playing multiple tes games gives the player a sense of existing on a cosmic scale!

and having that context would also make doing arniel's endeavor WAY more funny

[dominimoonbeam]

I Don't Know You - 3

The David/Huxley amnesia fic!

I Don't Know You - 3

The next day was a parade of visitors. People came over all day in twos. Huxley’s team captain coordinated their visits, texting with David so as not to knock on the door. He reminded the players before going in that they were to be quiet. Hux didn’t remember half of them from his team but some of them he knew from playing against them in college games and his captain he knew by reputation.

Still, he seemed happy to see them. David had set him up in the corner of the couch and kept the lights low, trying to give the illusion of staying out of the way by loitering in the kitchen.

Sometimes Huxley remembered a game when the others were reminiscing about a play. David’s heart pounded then. They were little memories, but they were filtering back up to the surface when he wasn’t trying to reach them. He could see how excited some of Huxley’s teammates were when they realized it too, and grateful to them when they didn’t point it out or press for more.

Asher had been there all day, outside, talking to the parade of hockey players rolling through. He made it seem like he was just there to hang out, but David knew he was there in case someone needed to be bounced.

Damien and Lasko came that evening, after the team, and even though Huxley was obviously tired, he was also incredibly happy to see them. The relief when he threw his arms around them made David’s heart ache to be remembered too.

He went outside then. He didn’t need to hover while Damien and Lasko were there. He knew they wouldn’t overstep or do anything to hurt Huxley. Damien would burn the house down before he let anyone hurt his family. Although, David did hope it didn’t come to that.

He dragged a deep breath outside and sat down on the porch. Asher came over and sat next to him. “Do you want a hug, boss?”

“Fuck you,” he grumbled.

Asher laughed and threw an arm over his shoulders. “A bunch of the pack want to visit but I told them to wait. It’s already a lot today and…” his words trailed off and died.

He was going to say, “And he doesn’t remember any of us.”

Asher sagged a little beside him.

David looked at his friend and caught the glimpse of his own heartbreak there. Asher and Huxley had been close. So had Huxley and Babe, and Huxley and Milo, and Huxley and Sam. Everyone loved Hux. They went on group trips, had almost weekly barbeques at the house, and regular double dates. Christ, he and Asher had had a joint wedding. The idea that Hux just didn’t know them anymore, that he might not remember them ever, was devastating.

He also saw the moment Asher realized he was being watched and perked up, putting back on a supportive front. He knew why. It was the same reason none of them would be able to talk to him about their own feelings right now—because his loss would always be bigger than theirs.

David ruffled Asher’s hair, palming the back of his head.

Asher pretended to hate it the same way he had since they were kids.

“He remembered some of his games,” David said, quiet like it was fragile.

Asher blinked. “What? Really?”

David nodded. “When the team was in there talking to him… Some of the games were just last year. I don’t think he realizes that though. He just remembers the plays or the win.”

Asher beamed. “That’s awesome!

David hoped so.

-

Huxley was dead tired and his head had been hurting pretty badly for the last couple hours, but he’d been trying to hide it. He didn’t want David to call off the visits. He didn’t want to be shut up in that room he didn’t recognize or lay down in that bed where he always felt like something was missing, more than a little terrified that he knew what that something was.

“You guys are… together?” Huxley asked. Lasko hadn’t let go of Damien’s hand since they walked in, other than those few minutes where they each hugged before settling down on the couch with him.

They did let go of each other then, almost jumping apart like they were kids who got caught. “Oh. Oh, yeah. I mean… It was… Well, it’s not a secret,” Lasko rushed to explain, words rolling out but still in a whisper. “It’s been like a year and Damien works-works at the university but we’re not like in the same department or anything and you were one of the first-first people we told.”

“Dudes, I’m happy for you. I’m sorry I don’t remember…”

Lasko exhaled relief and Damien almost subconsciously rubbed his back, while looking at Huxley. “Don’t be. You were happy for us the first time too. So, how are you doing? This has to be really stressful…”

Huxley laughed a little. His head hurt behind his eyes, but he tried not to squint too much. “Yeah. It’s been… well, it’s been really weird.”

“The memories will come back though,” Lasko said, almost urgent with his optimism.

Huxley smiled, grateful that they came, that his whole team had come. He was really lucky.

“And if they don’t, you get to do a bunch of firsts over again,” Damien countered.

“Firsts?” Huxley asked.

Damien smiled. “Yeah. Have you seen your garden yet?”

Huxley blinked. “No.”

“It’s pretty impressive. You and David work on that thing all year. You should go see it before your memories come back. It’s not often you get to surprise yourself with your favorite things.”

Huxley and Lasko both stared at Damien.

The room got a little warmer, the fire elemental flustering. “What? Was that the wrong thing to say? I just thought—”

“No,” Huxley smiled. “No, that’s a pretty cool way of looking at it.”

Damien exhaled relief and sputtered, looking away.

“So…” Huxley started again, glancing toward the empty kitchen. David had gone outside. “We still hang out, right?”

Damien raised an eyebrow. “What? Yeah, all the time. I mean, we all have our own schedules, but we get together at least a few times a month.”

Huxley nodded, relieved. “And…” he hesitated. Why did he need to ask at all? Maybe because he was living in a house with a stranger?

A warm hand took his and he realized he’d closed his eyes. Damien had reached across Lasko to take his hand, both of them watching him with so much care. “Ask it,” Damien said, voice steady and low. “Whatever it is, just ask it.”

“Do you like David? Is he… are we good?”

Damien stared at him. He wouldn’t lie to him, Huxley was sure of it. If Damien had any doubts, if there was anything to know or worry about, Damien would know it and he would tell him. He looked him dead in the eyes and said, “He’s great. You’re great. He’s always made us feel like we were family, honorary members of the pack even.”

Lasko nodded. “You guys were really happy.”

Huxley nodded, not sure why that didn’t make him feel better. Maybe because it just felt like he’d lost something big? And taken something from David too…

Damien gave his hand another squeeze. “If it’s ever too much, you can always stay with us. You know that, right?”

Huxley huffed a tired, strained laugh. His headache was officially making it hard to keep his eyes open. “Like that would go over well…”

“Hux…” Lasko’s quiet voice drew his attention, forcing his eyes open again. Lasko looked worried.

Damien spoke. “You’re not being held prisoner. David’s going to care and he’s going to worry if you leave, but he’s not keeping you here. You could go with us if you wanted to.”

Huxley blinked. It felt like a cold bucket of water. Had he really been thinking David was going to stop him from leaving? Maybe. But even knowing he could leave, could go home with his friends and be with people he knew… he didn’t want to go. Not really.

“Are you guys staying for dinner?” Huxley asked.

Damien still looked worried.

“Unless you have somewhere to be, of course… I don’t know what—”

Lasko shook his head. “No. We can stay!”

Knuckles tapped so quietly at the front door that they barely heard it before the door opened and David walked in, his friend on his heels.

Damien was still holding Huxley’s hand and made no move to drop it, the three of them almost snuggling in Huxley’s corner of the couch now. He turned his head toward the shifters. “David, what do you have for dinner? The prince is hungry.”

Huxley wasn’t sure what he’d expected but Damien comfortably demanding food and the alpha huffing and walking into that open kitchen to list off their oven-ready options wasn’t it.

David’s friend sat in one of the big chairs, talking to Lasko and stealing glances at Huxley. He felt like he should recognize him and knew that he should. He was in a bunch of the pictures on the walls, but he didn’t know his name until David said it, telling Asher to get people drinks.

Asher. Yeah, he had seen him the other night at the hospital too.

How many people had Huxley hurt by forgetting the last three years? He would know if he could remember…

-

Everyone had gone and it was just the two of them.

Huxley’s head was splitting but he still stood there, torn between needing to lay down and wanting to step closer to David. Only he didn’t know him.

“You should get some sleep,” David said, his voice that low rumble that made something ease inside Huxley’s chest. “I’ll grab you another pill for the pain, okay?”

“It’s not that bad,” Huxley said, but he wasn’t sure if he was right. His head really hurt. He’d barely been able to keep his eyes open the last half hour.

“Go get in bed. I’ll grab some water and the meds.”

Huxley nodded and ducked down the hall, toward that room.

He stopped a few steps inside, feeling somehow both out of place and at home at the same time. It was confusing. The room was frustrating. He’d been trying to avoid it. He went into the adjoining bathroom and brushed his teeth. David had had to tell him which brush head was his that morning.

He heard David in the bedroom and when he came back from the bathroom, David was changing his clothes. He was down to a pair of black briefs, long muscular limbs and a board back. Huxley stared, thinking he should look away but not doing it. David pulled on a pair of sweatpants. Huxley wasn’t sure which ones were his and which ones were David’s. Their clothes seemed to be mixed together. David tossed his shirt into the hamper and pulled a new one from a drawer. It was a loose fit and he ruffled his hair with a yawn.

This had to be exhausting for him. His spouse was just gone and he was basically babysitting Huxley. What had they been like before, when it was just the two of them? What did they talk about? What did they do?

“Hux?” David asked, closer.

Huxley snapped his eyes open again, realizing he’d pressed them shut. “Sorry.”

David shook his head, obviously worried. “Today was a lot. The healers said you needed to rest but…”

“It was nice to see everyone.”

He nodded, picking up something off the bedside table and a glass of water and bringing it over to where Huxley still stood. “Everyone really wanted to see you. I can’t blame them.”

Huxley took the water, feeling heat climb his face. He put out his palm and let David tip the pill into his hand. “Thanks,” he said and took the medicine, the word feeling like too little. He drained the water and walked to the bed, putting the glass down. “For, all of this. I know this has to be awful for you…”

He looked up and David was watching him, unreadable. Was he really unreadable or was it just that Huxley couldn’t read him? His heart beat faster under that gaze. “Where’s my phone? I should set an alarm or—” he babbled, tearing his gaze away almost frantically.

“You don’t need a—Wait,” David jerked a step closer, arm out when Huxley reached for drawer on the bedside table in search of his phone.

Huxley stared down at the contents, heat rising to his face. Lube, toys, rope, polaroids…

He closed the drawer and jumped to his feet. He kept thinking about the contents—about those pictures. He wanted to see them, suspecting he might be in them, but still feeling like an intruder. “I’m so sorry, dude,” he rushed out.

David sighed. “You don’t have to apologize… Everything in this house is ours.”

Huxley nodded, trying not to think about the details of that. Everything was theirs. Everything in that drawer was theirs… He took a step back. “You know, you basically slept on the floor last night. You should take the bed tonight and I’ll crash on the couch.”

David stared at him.

Huxley couldn’t quite meet his gaze. Fuck. Fuck, this was so awkward and he was the reason. He was the one making it worse.

“Take the bed, Hux. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Huxley shook his head but David was already walking around him, to the door, getting there before him.

“Get some sleep, please. You don’t need an alarm. You just need to rest,” he said on his way out, gently closing the door behind him.

Huxley dragged a breath, staring at that shut door and wondering if David was still there.

[lightbluetown]

happy new years eve everyone! here's an overly-personal post of me reflecting on 2023 ✨

have i ever told you guys that i had no idea ofmd was a queer show when i first started watching it? i really didn't know the first thing about it-- i'd never even seen a picture of stede in my life. it took me almost three weeks to veeery gradually get through the first three episodes. i enjoyed them, but only felt like tuning in during dinner on weekends. i've been around fandom spheres for twelve years but i've never been part of a big fandom myself (or of any fandom that wasn't related to video games or, well, anime). certainly didn't think that would change anytime soon. yet suddenly, a mere three weeks before the start of season 2, i heard the words "you wear fine things well" and all the circuits in my brain were reset

2023 had definitely been a suboptimal year for me until then-- devastating natural disasters, personal losses, deep political problems, the uszh. not to mention the terrible injustices and wars happening around the world. i tend to protect myself from negative thoughts and fear by letting hyperfixations consume me (as i'm sure many people can relate) and boy did ofmd do the job! especially with the excitement of s2... i didn't even realize when october came to an end, it just flew by! i excitedly watched every episode as soon as they came out, made some silly posts on this blog that i'd randomly decided to make... yes, the fandom has its fair share of problems, and i see annoying takes in my twitter fyp basically every day, but eh, i've seen (and been in) worse communities. my experience has been lovely! i love all the beautiful fan art, gifsets and meta posts here. people are so passionate, which only makes my passion grow stronger. i really appreciate it.

unsurprisingly, i've consumed basically everything you can possibly consume that features rhys/the new zealand gang (i've become a diehard fotc fan too). sorry for the sudden dark turn but a really close friend of mine tragically passed away the day after my birthday in november. i don't think i would've moved on with my life if it wasn't for the very welcome distraction provided by these series. especially ofmd of course

ofmd isn't just a silly fun comedy show, it isn't just a love story, at least not to me. it's the story of a man who's spent his life feeling lost, left out, left behind, unwanted, unloved, unneeded. a middle-aged gay man stuck in aristocracy who, for some reason, i can deeply relate to as a young queer person stuck in the middle east. it's the story of people like me freely and unapologetically being themselves, fighting to live their lives filled with joy and love, even in less-than-ideal conditions. it's given me a lot of strength and hope when i needed it. i would've had a much worse memory of 2023 in my mind if it hadn't been for ofmd

so yeah. 2023? not a huge fan! glad it's over! but i'm really glad ofmd was part of it!! i'll remember the past four months fondly, i'll keep loving the series for many months to come and i'll hopefully enjoy a third season with other fans. i'm excited! i hope 2024 will be better for everyone

thank you all!!

[asideofkimchi]

Gush about Yoosung for the ask game 💚

So I’ve put this off for days because…while this is FINALLY my chance! to gush! About the husband!! …i don’t know where to start. I’m definitely overthinking it, I know I am lol. And yet…!

Well, I’m on my way to the airport for my honeymoon rn. What better time than now to indulge in thoughts of the husband lol.

Hm… Yoosung and his route, I can confidently say that he altered my brain chemistry. I have several favorite characters, sure, we all have our little guys. But only two characters have ever fundamentally integrated themselves into my psyche, and goddam did Yoosung hit me hard. Without getting into too much detail (to try to keep this positive), my life was at an ideal spot to see myself reflected in Yoosung’s character arc. He charmed me with his silly but earnest personality and then the game hooked me with the realistic portrayal of his depression and loss. My emotional investment in this character was growing exponentially, and by the time he goes to Mint Eye, I started calculating the average times to expect chatrooms, I was so nervous for him! Legitimately anxious! Every chatroom moved me more and more, every sweet, genuine word he said went straight to my heart. I’m pretty sure I was tearing up, if not straight up crying, throughout this route, especially during his speech in the Good Ending.

Hm I mostly talked about the game and how it affected me. Let’s do some quick Yoosung bits that I love:

He dyed and styled his hair after Rika, after losing her. Characters who do that to remember their loved ones and keep them close, I eat that thematic shit UP.

Even when it’s not his route he has a mad crush on you, but he puts his feelings aside and wishes for you and the other person’s happiness.

I have SO many screenshots saved on my phone of messages with him. I don’t care if they’re the same thing over and over, every time I play I have to screenshot whatever sweet or hilarious thing is said.

I have so many screenshots because I play the game like about twice a year. It’s such a comfort game to me, and even when I should be trying to complete the bad endings (fuck you, Ray route bad ending 3), I just gravitate to Yoosungie.

So YOOSUNG is actually the reason behind Cutiefly being my favorite pokemon. When I first played moon I named my cutiefly Yoosungie, because of cutie-pie Yoosung. And that pokemon stayed on my team the entire time, all the way through becoming Champion. So me gushing about cutieflies is really me gushing about Yoosung.

He’s just so GENUINE about his emotions!! He’s not afraid to express any of it! He loves, he cries, he laughs, he rages, he doesn’t hide how he feels.

He’s so goddam cute and he KNOWS IT. He knows he’s fucking adorable!! And he isn’t ashamed of it! Others try to tear him down like no one wants a cute man but he owns it!

Man’s also bit of a freak and I want to devour him.

Speaking of devouring. His whole omelet thing. In the april fool’s dlc. Oh my fucking god. Oh my jesus christ. Picture this shitty meme I would make: me wearing a shirt that says “no vore kink” -> omelet!sung saying “i dream of someone tearing me apart in their hands and devouring me” -> my shirt “one vore kink”

SPEAKING OF april fools. I will never get over Punk!Sung. It was so fucking funny. Devastating that it never came back. I can’t remember anyone else’s deal but Punk!Sung is ingrained into my brain. I can never get rid of my icon. I’m stuck with it and I love it ..know what i’m sayin’?

Wait I’m going back to the omelet thing because he loves to COOK! He dreams of cooking his beloved delicious meals! He just wants a sweet and domestic life like that’s his big fantasy: Making a loving home environment through cooking and cleaning and doing laundry with and for his SO.

He feels bad that he doesn’t compare to like Zen or Jumin or Seven which is. Frankly ridiculous. Like he feels they’re more handsome and talented and rich and smart so there’s no way anyone would like him in comparison. But he is the sweetest, the bravest, willing to fight for his friends and put himself in danger and he’s happy to do so to protect his friends!! Wht the fucj!! He sees himself as some regular dude and still does this!! TRUE SUPERMAN YOOSUNG. BIGGEST HEART.

ALSO. THE MAN GETS INJURED FOR YOU. RECOVERS. GETS HIS MOTIVATION BACK. GRADUATES EARLY. BECOMES A DOCTOR. OWNS HIS OWN VET CLINIC. MARRIES YOU SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN ALL THAT. ALL WITHIN FOUR YEARS.

JUST WHAT THE FUCK. I LOVE YOOSUNG KIM.

I am so sure I could come up with more but honestly. I started typing this at like 4am today and now it’s after 7pm, I’m heading to ANOTHER airport now after spending a day out with my husband, our honeymoon just getting started.

��also I brought Yoosung to the honeymoon with us. I suggested it as a joke but well. He was represented at our wedding last year, he’s joining us now for the honeymoon. I’ll try to take pictures of him later.

Anyway. I love Yoosung Kim, thanks for coming to my tedtalk. I’ll try to be more coherent next time.

[bydusklight]

It's the nerdiest imaginable thing but I made a little bio for Aramond for a roleplay server I'm in! You can read it below the cut. (To be edited, probably, as I play through the game. I wanna be lore compliant but I don't know all the lore yet lol)

Aramond Ouraux -- (ah · rah · mohn ooh · roh) Age: 31 Nameday: 28th Sun of the 4th Astral Moon Race: Elezen (Wildwood) Nation of Origin: Ishgard Languages: Eorzean Common, a bit of Old Elezen (the Brume accent has been carefully clipped away, but it peeks out every now and then) Height: 201.93 cm Class: BLM | DRK Crafter: Alchemist Gatherer: Botanist Most Likely to Find Him: In his study, in desperate need of sleep, food, or both. Backstory: Aramond was born and raised in the Brume. He doesn’t remember his father, who was killed in battle shortly after Aramond’s birth. His earliest memories are of his mother. She did all she could to care for him, but they struggled. Aramond often went without shelter or food. This hunger evolved into something deeper as he grew older. He was sensitive to magic even from a young age. That, coupled with his lack of means, left him with a sense of otherness; of never quite fitting in. He longed to better understand himself and his abilities. When his mother became ill, burning curiosity blossomed into desperation. He sought training, hoping that his innate talent for magic might yield something that could stave off her illness. He found a teacher in a local apothecary, an older Elezen named Thibodeaux, but even the most potent magic was not a cure-all. In the end, there was nothing Aramond could do to save his mother. She passed when he was fourteen. Thibodeaux took him in following his mother’s death, but Aramond was in no state to appreciate his good fortune. His mood darkened, as did his tastes. He became fixated on power, on the kind of magic that came more naturally to him than healing – but Thibodeax forbade even the theoretical study of black magic. Frustrated, Aramond fled Ishgard when he was sixteen, setting out for Ul’dah, where he joined the Thaumaturge’s Guild. Having a purpose, a focus, tempered the anger Aramond felt at his father’s abandonment, his mother’s death, and Thibodeaux’s disdain. He worked for many years in service to the Guild and to the Brass Blades, and learned the merit of using his magic, feared as it might be, for good. Especially following the Calamity, when there were suddenly so many souls in need of aid. Perhaps that was why the Scions appealed to him so strongly. Joining came with the promise of knowledge and power, yes, but also a chance to use that power to defend the helpless. He was never comfortable with the amount of positive attention he garnered under the Scions, but he was always proud of the cause he was serving. Being ousted after the death of the Sultana was a devastating turn, and being forced to flee back to Ishgard was like salt in the wound. The only silver lining was his liaison to House Fortemps, Haurchefant Greystone, with whom Aramond was quickly forming a firm bond. His fondness for the other man only grew during his time in Ishgard. He gained a new appreciation for his home country, seeing it through Haurchefant’s eyes. Haurchefant’s death has left Aramond reeling, and he is still deeply mourning the loss. (TBC as I complete the expansions.)

Personality: Aramond comes across as quiet and aloof, especially upon first meeting him. He carries himself rigidly and tends to speak in clipped, matter-of-fact tones. His intelligence is obvious, but he is not the most congenial Elezen around. The truth is, he’s painfully introverted and unaccustomed to dealing with people. He craves connection. Once he opens up to someone, he can prove insightful, generous, and unfalteringly loyal. He has an obsessive personality, which can be a blessing and a curse. His acute focus and resolve have seen him through many an impossible challenge, but he has a habit of sacrificing his physical and emotional needs in times of stress. He often prioritizes his work, or the tasks others place upon his shoulders, over himself. He has a romantic streak. When sufficiently inspired, he begins to think and speak in metaphors. He has a soft spot for beautiful flowers. In combat, Aramond values precision and efficiency. Better to carefully cast the right spell in the right place than to hurl all of his energy into a quick barrage of less effective magic. As he has taken up training as a Dark Knight, this calculating approach has stuck with him. A strange calm takes over him when a fight begins; almost as if someone else is guiding his hand.

[dirtyoldmanhole]

revelation ch26, part two of three.

tl;dr of this post:

last time we left off, gunter had just accused of corrin (and azura) being the traitors.

corrin, reeling from the betrayal, finally realizes it was him all along.

title drop ~

(it would be ironic if this is the one time that word was mentioned. if i can find a .txt doc of the whole EN script like i have with the tellius games, i'll search for that.)

gunter-wise, it's amazing how the script can pack in so much menaced contempt.

i know treehouse dropped the ball (hahaha, ball geddit-/shot) with a lot of fates script, but they did gunter amazingly well when they needed to.

remember what I said about ellipses being important?

i can't get over at how surprisingly smooth he sounds here. he's no cackling villain (yet), and plays at the ice king shockingly well.

it'salsokindareallyhotinareallyfuckedupway

personally i think the whole scarlet flower closed plot hole thing is really fucking silly and ironically has 0 bearing on his characterization so we're skipping that. tl;dr corrin proves to everyone it is gunter who's the betrayer because he's lying about the flower, moving on, we got hot!possessed gunter to get to, chop chop

YEAH GET HIM BABY

for the first time, she's starting to convince everyone. gunter knows he's screwed in terms of maintaining that mask.

camera angle changes in a pretty stark declaration of loyalties.

man, i do love that shot. like, it gets the changing tides across so well, but there's a real bittersweet tinge to how he's well and truly alone and alienated all of his possible allies.

uh oh here we g-

what the fuck

(there is an awful part of me that -for all that this is quietly despairing for him- loves that he does, in a real twisted way, have fun going full evil ham. gunter's always had a warped sense of humor. old men do love their theatrics, i've always thought them the worst drama queens of all.)

YOU SEE WHY THIS GAME BROKE MY FUCKING BRAIN IN HALF

AHEM.

....

okay, back to seriousness.

this line confused the fuck out of me the first time, but i've already written a wall of meta about it here.

the tl;dr:

to gunter - the biggest thing with this line is that everyone who Has Power (eg, the titles) always uses it to hurt people he cares about, either ordering him to be that weapon, or ordering others. every worst memory that he has - garon trying to/force him to drink the dragon’s blood, grieving at the devastation of his village/wife/children, the concubine wars of nohr that he had a front row seat to, the loss of his own soldiers after trying and failing to protect them (“war and me go way back”, etc), failing to protect corrin after mind wipes, hell throw in Anankos forcibly using divine power to take his mind as the last but greatest indignity … no wonder that’s what finally breaks him – not him as a possessed, dead husk, but him as the living man, that always-was traitor who loved as much as he lost.

damn.

(ouff ... this is poignantly true, especially in light of that line in the crystal pelucid artbook, where garon force-fed him the dragon's blood and gave him his scar.

it literally, truly, for corrin, has been the whole time.)

...

you know the actual painful thing?

he still cares.

he's answering her questions patiently in -- i guarantee you -- in an eerily similar tone how he used to mentor her.

(yes, nintendo had to make his motivations at least halfway obvious, but they could have taken a much, much shorter monolouge route of text to do it, like sumeragi, not this exquisitely emotionally painful question-and-answer format that is literally their language of affection)

how fucked up is that man

..... whoaboy, slow down there satan

(i can't be the only one to read some distinctly maliciously sexual undertones to that last one, right. right?)

okay so some of these lines totter right on that razor edge of 'so hammy they're fucking hilarious' (the fucking 'i don't like you' like a snotty 5 year old lmao) and 'that is textually horny dude' and 'OW THE IMPLICATIONS......' sometimes hitting all three at once.

that first one is probably due to treehouse whuffing that line as it feels like a translation flub there. if you were asking me to reword it, I'd do something like

Gunter: I've always hated you... Gunter: You have always been so insufferably naive towards everyone. Gunter: Too bad. It will be my great pleasure tearing every last bit of innocence away from you.

ime that fits his speech patterns a touch better, still gets the point across, and still keeps that iddy as hell undertone without it being obnoxious.

but let's take the most charitable/most interesting to characterization angle. we can meme later.

remember what I said in the very last post about gunter resenting the hell out of corrin's earnest belief in everyone? called it.

called it, called it, fucking called it.

okay, so fun fact, i've been double checking most of these lines through various JP translations. That "look on your face/( お前のことが気に入らなかったからだ。)" line? also had some pretty iddy undertones. there's not a non-awkward english translation but it's straight up complimenting on how corrin's despair looks so-o~ good on her~~

yeesh.

...............honestly dude, cosigned.

it's a little funny to imagine that despite all the tension this is the one moment he's like '......really? fucking really? i taught her to be smarter than this....'

interesting, so he too, is aware of the difference in "possession levels" of the others versus whatever he's got going here.

note that corrin deliberately uses the word "manipulated" and gunter just assumes she meant "puppet". corrin's getting those differences, and ironically she's far more accurate than his take.

fun fact: he uses "this body" to refer to himself a lot. one translator who did the My Room romantic lines in Conquest noted he does the same thing there.

that, even as somewhat unintentionally/a stretch that is, feels powerfully poignant and bittersweet here.

in light of the titles thing up above (points), i think it's worth noting that he's still referring to himself in a weirdly humble way, yeah?

gunter is a man that I've always gotten the feeling that's become the mask, just a little. he's hated serving garon/nohr. he's hated serving corrin as well.

but he would not have survived garon's court for thirty years had he defied them so openly again. he's, frankly, been broken a little in the repetition; shit's almost automatic to him.

it's the other side of the coin. he hates royals so much, so much -- and he still can't help but keep those subtle automatic patterns separating himself as "lesser".

...

i also think it's very interesting the line right afterwards, he's deliberately blurring that line of anankos' possession.

it's almost like he doesn't want to be viewed charitably. he'd rather go down with the ship with anankos, he'd rather go down fighting down to the bitter end, holding his resentments and grudges.

grief, as we'll find out later, is a very potent blinding pain there.

(i tackle a shit ton of this in the fic and y'all are just gonna have to trust meeee the payoff's worth it there)

corrin, sweetheart, easier said than done.

it slides right into the pre-battle prep screen right afterwards, so we'll tackle the brutally feelsy second half in a bit ~

[staytilspringday]

Thoughts on Saintmaker (2023)

A haunted convent. Statues that move on their own. A buried past. Welcome to Saint Idelora’s convent, where becoming a saint comes with a price.

Yangyang did it again!  I was very excited to play their latest game and I’ve been meaning to sit down and talk about it, so this might be a lengthy post. Also, haven’t 100% completed so I might miss some things! WARNING: Spoilers

1. Themes There’s an emphasis on family, religion and being as close to saintly as you can (omg she said it har har). I think that one of the strengths of Yangyang’s visual novels, is the relationship between the characters, and this is no exception. Holly does have to go through a lot (and by that, i have no idea how long the recollection in game is supposed to be but it can’t be a month so its a lot over a few days) but it’s clear that her relationship with her family has shaped her into being a peace keeping doormat, as much as she hates it. 2. Choices, Choices On my second playthrough, I played with a friend who was frustrated that Holly wouldn’t follow through with the choices she choose but it makes perfect sense. Holly spent years as the peace keeper to not rock the boat, a random voice in her head isn’t going to make her suddenly snap and yell at other people. You influence her actions, but you don’t get to choose if that makes sense. In this regard, it reminds me of Cupid, in that you tell the protagonist this or that, which can affect their actions but they can rebel against you. There are brief segments where you get to play Adira, the presiding nun for the recollection, as she fixes and repaints the statues in the convent. It was only until near the end, when she asks for any message from her former sisters, the choices are in red and horror-esque text and both are to urge her to continue the abusive treatment the Sisters of St. Idelora subjects their girls under. My first thought was that it was Idelora herself, the woman who founded the Order and the person every nun wanted to emulate. She certainly had no problems justifying her choices--which proved to be fatal for one character and gravely traumatizing for another--while maintaining a calm and maternal approach to all everyone. But as the story went on, I was wondering if it was the land itself or whatever was causing the convent to act up.

3. The Story

Despite being a shorter read, Saintmaker has a very moving story. The relationships between characters was my favorite parts of the Letter, and I’m so happy to see this return stronger than ever in Saintmaker. The cast is much smaller but this decision has given us a more in depth look in their relationships and the characters themselves—from Holly and Gabbie’s strained relationship to becoming friends, how Adira still has a sense of humor even when she’s a stern old lady, Holly’s constant remembering of her sister Liana.

It’s a tale of tragedy, of relationships and their loss, of fighting against what is the norm for you. It was gut wrenching to realize Holly reimagined her memories with Liana to keep herself from remembering how it really was or how Adira forced herself to forget Cordelia, no matter how attached she was. Holly did so because her parents decided not to bring her up anymore and basically erased her while Adira had to forget because she believed her sisters were doing the right thing, even if she disagreed with her.

(Sidenote: all of the VAs, you truly made these characters come to life. I would not be as devastated if it weren’t for your talents, love yall for that you have a nice day now 💗)

BONUS THINGS I WANTED TO SAY:

1. Holly praying when she got scared reminded me of Isabella’s Quick Time event in the letter. I was on edge for jumpscares in the game, but most of the creepiness was from the brilliant atmosphere that was set up.

2. There’s also the persistent ghost in both games. Takako, who’s a malevolent spirit after death and then there’s Cordelia. Takako actively pursues the protagonists while Cordelia is just stuck and tried to find a way to break the routine in the convent. She was terrifying at first (Cordelia’s faceless because everything about her was erased and forgotten—nameless, faceless, brilliant btw) but I did get used to her and just felt so awful for her.

Yup. Saintmaker drew me in with the premise of religious horror (and I was like ‘from a Filipino team?? Understandable’) and trauma and I had to go and give my own sister a hug afterwards. It’s eerie, it has its moments of lightheartedness that keeps you attached to the characters, and it’s story is goddamned good. This whole thing’s a mess but I just had to let it out. That’s all but I’d love to hear your thoughts on the game!