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hippogrifffeathers · 1 year ago

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A Foal's Trust

Death had a way of haunting you, especially when it occurs at your own hands. Sebastian hasn't been the same since that fateful night in the Feldcroft Catacombs, and struggles to come to terms with who he is in the aftermath- his gaze skirted around mirrors, he couldn't trust his own defensive magic, and begins to fade in to himself, steeping in self doubt.

For weeks, MC has felt condemned to watch as Sebastian's thoughts drifted to where they couldn't follow, longing to reach out and help, but feeling lost in knowing where to start.

But maybe it doesn't have to come from them.

And as it happens, they know just the den of characters that might be able to help.

ao3 link here!

No matter how convincing an act he was determined to keep up, MC was worried about Sebastian. Ever since that fateful night in the catacombs, he hadn’t been the same.

There were moments when it was almost easy to pretend otherwise, pockets of time when the smile on his face was wide and boyish, unweighed down by everything they’d been through, where his thrill for learning overrode everything else as he eagerly explained about some new spell he’d come across, or rune he’d learnt. They’d be struck by the memory of the boy they had met at the start of the year, one who had offered them friendship with a sly grin,

Then, just like that, it would be over.

Moments of carefree bliss became poisoned behind the shadows of the Undercroft, as sad eyes would fixate on a stain in the ground, one that told the tale of a childish game of Gobstones long since past. Studying together in the library could quickly become lonesome and melancholic, as MC felt condemned to watch as his mind drifted to where they couldn’t follow.

Constantly, desperately, Sebastian maintained a distance between them that he never used to, recoiled as though he’d burn if their arms dare brush. Kept them within his gaze, but never his reach, daring not allow himself such sentiment.

Dark circles haunted his under eyes, his once-ample appetite grew fleeting and inconsistent, even as MC would sneak his favourite treats to the Undercroft and he’d pick at the edges.

Then one day, MC caught the expression on his face as he was confronted with it- his reflection. He hadn’t even heard the grating of the Undercroft doors, too preoccupied with the person staring back at him in the reflective surface of a shield. Regarding the figure like a foreign entity, unable to look away, terrified to look any closer, so full of distrust for the man looking back at him- and MC understood the fear that plagued their friend, lingering in his shadow. The ghost that wouldn’t leave.

They penned a letter, and hoped to Merlin that it would work.

------------------------------------

The whispers of the Forbidden Forest had once filled Sebastian with thrilling curiosity, adrenaline only running hotter when MC joined at his side.

Thinking back to those times, he wonders when the boy with battle in his blood and a need to learn in his veins had become so hesitant. The thrill of adventure hadn’t left, still a familiar companion in this darkness, but he couldn’t control the sharp spike of fear that raced down his spine at the sound of a snapping twig, the uncertainty that gripped him after hearing the distant murmurs of a poacher camp.

MC hadn’t so much as blinked at the whispers of threats that hid around the corners of the Forest, only leading him away from those voices, deep into the thickets of the trees- their reckless disregard for their own safety a key motivator in why Sebastian even agreed to meet them out here tonight.

He hated the idea of them travelling the Forest alone, exploring the highlands without backup- it’s a fear he knows has only gotten worse with time, maybe since the Catacombs, or after their battle against Ranrok- it was difficult to tell, and he dared not think for too long about the reason behind it.

He’d been doing that a lot lately, trying to avoid looking too closely at himself.

Ahead, he watches MC make a turn that leads deeper into the Forest, yet they still hadn’t unsheathed their wand- something which may as well have lived in their hand these days. Such a complete lack of caution was uncharacteristic, even for them.

“You never did tell me where we were going, you know?” MC didn’t even turn around at his questioning, their voice carried in a comforting echo over their shoulder.

“You’ll see soon enough.”

“MC-”

Something in his tone made them stop for a moment, turning to offer him a reassuring smile- it was difficult to feel comforted by such a glance, not when he knew MC’s propensity for dangerous exploration better than most. Still, when the look in their eyes softened into one of understanding, he felt a part of him settle.

“It’s nowhere dangerous Sebastian, I promise.”

Anyone else, and Sebastian would have demanded an answer hours ago, before even agreeing to come to the Forbidden Forest- but MC wasn’t anyone else, and damn it all he’d even go back to the Feldcroft Catacombs in a heartbeat if only they asked.

So instead of pushing, he followed quietly after MC as they led him through the suspiciously silent forestry, even as the trees became increasingly dense, shadowing the moonlight overhead, leaving them to travel in near-darkness.

MC pushed on without hesitation, completely at ease in a forest filled with threats, still crawling with remaining Ashwinders and Poachers who would do anything to see them taken down. Sebastian’s hand itched for his wand as his thoughts raced, but he daren’t trust himself with such a comfort.

Eventually, MC came to a stop by a huge rock in their path, hiding whatever lay in wait beyond it.

They turn to face him, their voice carrying barely above a whisper, and Sebastian feels his breath catch in his chest as their gaze meets his. Eyes glittering in the darkness of the forest, a soft smile gracing their lips urging him to come closer, waiting patiently as he nears, gaze not leaving his own even as they practically vibrate with excitement, eager to lead him ever deeper into adventure, to share another sacred mystery with him. Bitterness twists in his chest, but selfishly he can’t stop the way he leans in to their own frame as he approaches, and for a moment he swears they’re doing the same, warmth filling the decreasing space between them, a whisper hangs between them-

“Come on.”.

Just like that the moment is over as MC turns away, sneaking out of sight around the rock.

Unwaveringly, Sebastian follows.

His footsteps slow as his eyes laid sight on what the rock has been protecting from view, the hidden alcove MC had led him to with barely-masked excitement. Another secret that they had decided he was deserving of, for some reason.

Except, he can’t imagine himself ever being deserving of such a sight.

A clearing, protected by the thickets of trees surrounding them, where the shine of the moon was able to shine down. The picture of serenity, a sanctuary in the middle of one of the most dangerous areas in the country, and MC entered the clearing like it was familiar territory, like they belonged here, and as Sebastain registered the beasts who called it home- the most sacred of creatures, souls as pure as the white of their hair- he’d believe that in a heartbeat.

Unicorns.

He almost couldn’t believe it.

It was rare enough to see one Unicorn, let alone an entire pack from a distance- and here they were, at a den.

Or, if you were MC, amongst the herd.

Sebastian watches with bated breath as a fully-grown unicorn doesn’t hesitate to trot over to MC to greet them, practically preening as MC raises one hand to gently pet at their flank, fond words falling from their mouth in greeting. Another follows close behind, nudging at their shoulder. There’s not a sign of upset across the entire clearing, no sign of startle at MC’s presence.

Unicorns ran from humans, fled at the slightest shuffle of movement, but here, in their most protected of spaces, MC walks assuredly in and is immediately accepted, greeted like an old friend.

His heart races in his eardrums and Sebastian finds he isn’t surprised in the slightest that MC has won the trust of unicorns; Creatures drawn to beauty and purity, the embodiment of magical potential. MC fits in right among them, petting the flank of a particularly shiny unicorn, their melodious laughter ringing around the rich green clearing when a foal nearly bowls them over in its excitement, whinnying for their attention as it presses against their hip.

Merlin, a foal, drawn to MC’s side. Its parents watch the pair, with no concern for their offspring, such a deep display of trust and suddenly this perfect picture, of beauty and magic and purity- it stings like a vicious stab to the chest.

Self-loathing rushes like a wave over him, the familiar bitter taste of acid curling on his tongue as he fights the urge to run from the clearing as fast as he can, like the coward he really is.

Run away from another reminder of everything he isn’t, everything he can never have.

Their laughter cuts through the noise and his heart pangs at the sound.

How can someone like MC, so good, so pure intentioned, bathed in the moonlight and glowing just as bright as the unicorns that surround them, the truth of their soul laid out so clearly before him- how could someone like them ever want to be in the company of someone like him?

A murderer, someone who had killed his own family, who hadn’t hesitated before torturing one of his best friends, taking them for granted ever since they met.

He didn’t deserve their trust, their unwavering loyalty. This hero, with their bleeding heart and faithfulness of the entire school at their backs, a wealth of friends to surround themself with and they continue to choose him.

They deserved so much better.

Lost in thought Sebastian doesn’t notice when MC turns excitedly around, looking over their shoulder at the spot a few paces behind them, then further away, back to the outskirts of the clearing, to where he was standing, still partially hidden by shrubs.

Their expression falls, registering the conflict that burns behind his eyes, the tension wrapping tight around his frame.

MC’s heart bleeds for him.

“Sebastian?” Their voice carries like a soft whisper, hesitant and gentle, so different from the carefree joy they exuded only minutes before. He hated that he was the cause of their uncertainty- Merlin, he couldn’t even let them be happy among unicorns without ruining it with his own selfish feelings.

The urge to run resurfaced with a vengeance, to flee before he could ruin this beautiful scene.

Not for the first time, Sebastian forcefully reminds himself of how hurt MC would be if he distanced himself from them, that no matter how painful it was to be constantly reminded of how undeserving he was of this miracle before him, it would be far more painful to not be in their company, to worry for them every second he wasn’t around.

Instead, he forced his feet to remain still, even as MC pulled away from the beasts they had been so lovingly attending to and neared where he stood, not a second glance spared for the majestic beasts they had left behind.

Over their shoulder, Sebastian sees the moment the attentions of the unicorn pack finally shift from the human they had been so enamoured with, to the second hiding in the outskirts of their den. He dares not watch for the moment they recoil, and makes the easy choice for his attention to land back on MC.

MC, who had now stopped only paces from him, an arm's reach away, They watch him with an emotion he can’t identify, and speak again in that insufferably gentle tone, that one he doesn’t deserve. Somedays, he wished they’d yell at him, scream, do anything except offer him patience and kindness- a part of him longed for MC to realise what a colossal mistake they were making by poisoning this den with his presence, that they’d chase him off with distrust and anger in their eyes- finally realising just how awful a person he had been to them, how awful a person he was.

“Would you-ah, are you coming?”

“No.” The rejection is out of his mouth before he can fully register the loud tenor of his voice, the thick layer of anger that coats it. Lashing out, without even thinking. That’s what you do best.

He’s violent, too violent, for their gentle words, their soft edges. Even the kindest of offers, he always had to ruin.

Except he’s forgotten who he’s talking to. On anyone else, it would have worked- his unexpected venom would have at least pushed them back, put them on the defensive and safely into a zone Sebastian knew how to navigate.

But MC had always seen right through him.

There was no shock or hurt in their eyes, no recoil of their body. Instead, their gaze became only softer as they regarded him, so openly displaying their sorrow for him, their empathy and affection.

Sebastian longed to look away, he couldn’t.

“Can I ask why?” MC pressed, and since when has he been able to deny them.

Well, perhaps since now. The truth sits like a weight on his tongue, a shadow he daren’t yet look at closer. Lying was easier, it always had been.

The corners of his lips pulled into one of his signature grins, the kind he used to flash whenever making a particularly witty joke, inviting MC to laugh along, “Well, unicorns aren’t exactly the biggest fan of blokes, are they?”

They weren’t convinced. It had been pathetic of him to even try. “We both know that’s a preference, not a rule….Why won’t you come closer, really?”

Their head tilts slightly as they ask the question, knocking flyaway hairs into their face, and he longs to reach out to tuck them back. Their gaze searches his own, free of judgement or pity, the light of the moon casting their head with an ethereal glow, and Sebastian is overcome with a surge of hot anger.

How could they do this to him?

They stand here, looking like that, after bringing him to a Salazar-damned Unicorn Den and they had the ignorance to believe everything would be okay, that there wouldn’t be a problem? That he could ever be worthy of any of this, that this was the sort of world in which he could be welcomed?

Anne had seen it. Ominis had too. So why hadn’t MC?

How much longer would he be forced to endure their presence, their radiating warmth and outstretched hand, before they realised the same thing everyone else important to him had, and he was left completely alone?

Unicorns were drawn to the most pure of people, to good souls- and Sebastian Sallow was neither of those things.

He was terrified of the truth he would be forced to confront if he stepped out into that clearing, bore his soul for judgement and forced the unicorns to turn tail and flee from their own home, from the tarnish on his soul.

The thought was too much to bear, and MC was still standing there, all warmth and acceptance, like they hadn’t even considered the possibility that not everyone was so strong as they were, not everyone was so untouchably pure of heart.

Frustration grows within him at the injustice of it all.

“Are you completely blind?! I tortured you, MC! I watched you writhe on the floor in excruciating pain and I still didn’t stop- it was so easy for me to cast the cruciatus- I didn’t even care! I killed my Uncle, and I don’t regret it! I am damaged, MC.” The last sentence comes out as a hiss of self disgust, his chest heaves with laboured breathing, as the last dregs of his rage simmer away, leaving only the ugly truth in their wake.

Sebastian turns his head, fixes his gaze down at the ground so he doesn’t have to see the disappointment in MC’s eyes, the fear when they realise he is right, that he is the exact same kind of monster they had been fighting against all year and there was nothing redeemable about him. He couldn’t face it.

Only the sound of the faint wind through the trees cut between them as he waits for the inevitable rejection, for MC to turn him away from this clearing- from them, as he deserves.

The silence stretches on, and for a moment Sebastian believes they’ve finally come to accept the truth, but then their voice cuts through the quiet, past the occasional whinny of a unicorn, and it’s far from anger, or disgust, or any other emotion that should be thrown at him.

The opposite of the striking hand he had waited to fall against his cheek. There’s the familiar firmness of their words, but it’s gentle, understanding.

“I’ve killed people, Seb, lots of people- and I don’t regret it. Does that make me damaged too?”

“No! Merlin, no, of course not!” Hot panic races through his veins at the mere suggestion that someone like MC, glowing in the light of a Unicorn Den, heart bleeding for the cause of any living being they come across, could ever be like him.

They weren’t being fair. Their circumstances and Sebastian’s were not the same, MC and Sebastain were not the same.

They couldn't be, because the alternative was too much to consider. If MC was right, then what would that say about the shadows he saw lingering in his peripheral vision? The visions he saw every time he closed his eyes, or the fear he’d lose control if he were to ever enter a duel again? What would it mean if the nightmares that had plagued him for weeks were only that- nightmares?

No, he wouldn’t allow himself to even dream of such a possibility. The flutters of hope and the dregings of doubt all felt the same now.

Hands wrap around his own, and he can’t find it in himself to pull away. They’re soft, delicate in ways that should be impossible after all MC’s adventures and battles, and providing a soothing balm against the rough skin of his own hands, tracing circles over callouses from years of farmwork and duelling.

Sebastian hates himself for how much he loves the feeling, the perfect fit of their hands with his own. Despises himself for the way he wants to hold on forever.

Then, their hands grip his with a sudden sense of urgency, their tone beseeching yet so soft, hardly above a whisper as their gaze searches for his own, “Then why are you any different?”

How could they ask that?

How could Sebastian ever begin to explain the chasm of morality between them? That his soul is wretched, damned in a way theirs could never be.

Their misplaced faith in him only hardened his resolve, for they had seen him commit the worst of acts, chose bloodshed over peace and relished in the outcome, and still stood at his side and remained naive to how dangerous he was for them.

MC is blind to the truth, so eager to believe everyone was as pure of heart as they are that they couldn’t understand how undeserving Sebastian was of their devotion. They could never understand the way he never knows what he might do when confronted with an enemy, the depths he will delve to if he ever sees MC in danger again.

Worst of all, was how he already knew he wouldn’t regret it.

He couldn’t break their faith in him like that, tell them that all their hope in him was misplaced and he was broken beyond even their repair.

Instead, he says nothing.

MC remains silent, rubbing soothing circles into the back of his hands. Their gaze focused only on the slouch of Sebastian’s shoulders, the downturn of his head as he determinedly does not meet their eye.

Sebastian hadn’t noticed the unicorn foal that had followed loyally after MC, stopping only paces from the couple, ears twitching with curiosity.

Now that the humans had fallen into silence, he trots even closer, brushing against MC’s side just as insistently as before- they don’t startle at the touch, eyes still only on their companion- and stops when their middle was pressed against MC’s hip- sniffing at the intertwined hands, before looking upwards- right at Sebastian.

His heart hammers in his chest as wide eyes meet his own, staring right through him. For a moment the world may as well have frozen, as the young Unicorn stared intently at him, wide eyes capable of seeing every mark on his soul. Sebastian knows it.

Slowly, he feels the warmth encompassing his left hand disappear, gaze snapping away from the Unicorn, his startled expression clashing with MC’s reassuring one as they pull one of their hands back, leaving his palm hovering over the foal’s head, inches away from the shining golden coat.

He daren’t breathe, the slight tremor in one hand the only movement his body makes, as he waits for the moment this baby unicorn sees him for what he is, turns tail and flees the moment this offspring of goodness and morality and purity feels the stain on his heart. The living danger that Sebastian is.

But the foal isn’t going anywhere, no desperate fleeing from a human boy with death on his hands. There’s no sign of fear in its wide eyes, only patience.

MC urges, voice breathy and encouraging, “Go on.”, and his hand lowers, resting on an impossibly soft golden hide.

The foal nickers, a high and excitable sound, and presses into his hesitant touch, like there had never been a doubt in its mind about the boy who had accompanied their friend here.

So small a gesture, but one that steals the breath from his lungs, sending his thoughts into a spiral because the unicorn wasn’t running away, not like it should have, not like Unicorns did around evil and malice. Sebastian wasn’t the kind of human that unicorns were willing to let close, he was marked, damaged, dangerous-

But if that were true, then why had this foal pressed so eagerly into his touch, looking into his eyes and seeing his heart yet had chosen trust.

He felt the foal nudge impatiently at his frozen hand, confused about why this human wasn’t petting him back, the trust and faith in Sebastian’s humanity unwavering, so much like the other creature of goodness still holding on to his right hand. There was no hesitation, no fear, only unwavering confidence that Sebastian was enough, that he was worthy of being in the companionship of the purest, most magical of beasts. His soul had won their trust in a heartbeat, and he felt all his previous fears begin to crumble at his feet.

Maybe, a part of him dares to dream, maybe he isn’t as damaged as he feels.

It’s enough to break Sebastian’s barely-contained dam apart.

With a shaking hand, he begins to rub his hand against the foal’s flank, his breath shudders at the fond nickering he receives in gratitude. It sounds like days spent helping with farmwork around Feldcroft, trips with his parents to the countryside as a child- memories of blissful simplicity that had hurt for so long, he’d almost preferred to deny them.

He’s not even aware he’s started crying, until there’s a soft hand brushing the tears from his face, momentarily their touch brushing against his jaw in a gentle hold that doesn’t stay- their other still holding tight to his own. As MC goes to retreat, pulling away, he can’t help the instinctive way his hand holds tighter to theirs, a silent request.

Their thumb goes back to tracing circles on his hand, MC stays.

Even as a circle forms around them, curious unicorns from earlier following the foal over, MC remains by him. It should feel claustrophobic, the way the beasts surround them both on most sides, familiarly nudging at MC, eager to greet their new companion whom they seem to have taken an effortless liking to. The unconditional trust makes Sebastian’s eyes water all over again.

None of it feels real. He’s petting a unicorn foal, welcomed into the den of creatures known for their distrust of wizardkind, their ability to sense malice- yet they had seen him, and none had rejected him. Instead, they watched him with open curiously, within arms reach if he dared change his affections from the young foal before him, still hovering at MC’s side for attention. MC raised one hand, cooing lovingly at the pure and sacred creatures that surrounded them, looking completely at home. Even then, their hand never left his own.

It felt like one of the cruller dreams his mind could have devised, another promise of all the things he couldn’t have, but as he waited for the peace to break, for the unicorns to turn tail and flee, MC’s touch to be torn away from him, he only feels the gentle warmth under his hands, the breath of air from a particularly close unicorn ruffle his hair.

‘We’re here’, they seem to say, ‘you’re here, you’re accepted’

He can’t hide the lightness in his chest, the laughter that freely bubbles when one unicorn is just a bit too enthusiastic and knocks MC slightly, stumbling closer to Sebastian as they trip.

A part of Sebastian never wants to leave, even as the moon grows higher in the sky, extending its reach across the den and casting a glow over himself and MC, as they eventually settle against a nearby tree, content to watch over the unicorn pack when they become distracted by a shiny ball MC had pulled out of their bag, throwing the herd’s way with a knowing grin.

The herd ran across all corners of the clearing, always careful not to trample over the two humans they had adopted into their home, chasing after the toy, passing it between them with excitable nickering.

Sebastian wonders if anyone else has even been fortunate enough to witness such a sight, an entire pack of unicorns playing together, with nary a sign of caution for their surroundings, or the threats that may hide within them. Unicorns, creatures known for their ability to hide and run away, are so completely at ease in the company of these two humans watching after them.

How did he get so lucky?

His gaze switches from the gleeful beasts before him, to the companions at his side. The warm press of MC’s arm against his own, the golden foal now sleeping between them, head resting on MC’s lap as their hand ran over its hide absentmindedly.

The familiar urge to pull them closer stirs in his chest and for the first time since that night in the catacombs, he doesn’t deny it. Slowly, he pulls away from where their arms were touching, instead raising his own over their shoulder, pulling MC closer. His heartbeat races as his touch rests around them, revelling in the feeling of rightness that threatened to consume him.

Without hesitating, MC leans into his touch, head falling atop of Sebasian’s shoulder with a careful press, as though they might be scared of pushing it too far. The smell of their shampoo invaded his senses, he couldn’t help but delight in the perfect way their heights complimented each other, the easy fit of their bodies against one another.

Resting his head atop of theirs, marvelling in the way their breathing synchronised with his own, Sebastian knew this was how he could spend the rest of his days. Curled up with the one person who fit all his awkward angles and edges perfectly, surrounded by magic and wonder that was only ever their own to share- just another treasured secret between them- he finally felt that maybe, he was deserving of having this wonderful person by his side.

Perhaps he was enough, afterall.

#hogwarts legacy #my fics #sebastian sallow #my boy needs therapy but i suppose unicorns will suffice for now???#all these years on tumblr and no i cannot tag my fics well and what of it #think it is impossible for me to write sebastian and mc without at least IMPLYING the romance and honestly?? summary of their entire dynami #this one goes out to the guy who was trying to read my screen as i edited this fic on the way to edinburgh earlier this week #i was about to SCREAM the amount of times i had to change tabs whenever i clocked it #yes this is the one i sat on for like three weeks i didnt LIKE IT OKAY!!! but also i no longer desire to hoard it <3 #plus the guilt of it gathering dust while i worked on other wips wasn't great

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