#but i can fix that if it really bothers me that much
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Sleeping beauty!Tim au but make it angsty
Red Robin gets hit with a spell that makes him sleep and no one is able to wake him up. The wizard villain of the week disappeared after hitting Tim with it and only by the grace of God and Red Hood's speed was he caught before he tumbled off the damn roof.
The batfam think it'll be an easy fix, Bruce gets Zatanna to show up... Except...
Bruce: Why did it not work?
Zatanna: it's one of those fickle sleep spells that can only be broken by true love's kiss. Luckily, it doesn't have to be a romantic kiss or one on the lips, as long as it's from someone who truly loves Red Robin.
Bruce: So why is he not awake?
Zatanna: The fickle thing about this particular spell is that for it to break, Red Robin has to believe that the person who kissed him truly loves him.
Cue all the angst and heartbreak and self reflection as the batfam realize, after each of them tries to wake Tim, that their brother genuinely thinks they don't love him.
Eventually it's Kon who manages to wake Tim up with a gentle kiss on the forehead.
In the aftermath, Tim doesn't know how to deal with the way the batfam are looking at him like he broke their hearts or the way Bruce looks uncomfortably on the verge of tears.
Thank you so much for the ask!!—this is such a deliciously angsty concept, and I can’t get over how much it says about the Batfamily and their emotional blind spots.
It’s so painfully them, isn’t it? The Batfamily, who love so fiercely but are absolutely terrible at showing it in ways that matter. They’re all so busy with their missions, their duty, their endless fight to keep Gotham and each other safe, that they don’t stop to think about how their love is perceived. They assume it’s obvious in the way they watch each other’s backs or show up when it counts. But Tim? Tim’s spent so long in the shadows, convincing himself he’s just a cog in the machine, that he doesn’t see any of that as love.
And now they’re standing there, one by one, trying and failing to wake him up. It’s not just frustrating—it’s devastating. Because the truth they’ve all been avoiding is staring them in the face: Tim doesn’t believe they love him. And maybe, deep down, they know why. Every harsh word, every time they brushed him off because there was a bigger crisis, every moment they assumed Tim was fine because he didn’t say otherwise—it’s all coming back to haunt them now.
Jason probably storms off first, pretending it doesn’t bother him, but the guilt is eating him alive. Dick, who prides himself on being the emotional glue of the family, is visibly shaken—because how could he miss this? How could he fail Tim like this? And Bruce, oh, Bruce—he’s silent, but you can see the way his hands tremble, the way his jaw tightens. He’s spent years thinking his actions spoke louder than words, and now he’s realizing he might’ve been wrong.
And when Kon finally wakes Tim up? It’s not just a relief—it’s a wake-up call. Kon, who loves Tim so plainly and without hesitation, didn’t have to fight through layers of doubt or miscommunication. His love was clear, and Tim believed it without question. The Batfamily can’t say the same, and it hurts.
But what really gets me is the aftermath. Tim, sitting there, bewildered and uncomfortable as the Batfamily stares at him with those shattered, guilty expressions. To him, it doesn’t make sense—he’s fine, the mission’s done, so why are they acting like he’s the one who needs fixing? And when Bruce finally asks, voice quiet and cracking, “Why didn’t you believe us?” Tim doesn’t know how to answer. Because in his mind, it wasn’t a question of love—it was a question of worth.
It’s such a raw, painful exploration of the Batfamily’s dynamic. They love each other deeply, but they’re so bad at saying it, at showing it in ways that the other person can feel. And Tim? Tim’s just been waiting, quietly, for proof he didn’t think would ever come.
This is such a beautifully tragic setup, and I love how it forces them all to face what they’ve been avoiding. If you—or anyone—writes this, I would absolutely love to read it!! The emotional fallout alone would be worth its weight in tears!
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DAV is maximized (made for?) Tank/Warrior players
Curiosity is absolutely one of my fatal flaws. I was sorta feeling shitty about the whole 'you probably just suck at the fighting system in DAV' thing.
Let me preface this with saying that I'm good with rogues. It's my usual playstyle and I almost always do a first run of any RPG as a rogue.
What I'm really not all that good at? Tanks. Pretty much any other class I'm at least suitably competent with. I mean, I can tank, but it's just not something I'm more than acceptably good at. I also have very little experience with them. I think I've tanked in 3 games? Out of the, it must be hundreds, of games I've played? I just don't prefer to tank. I'm a rogue/mage/healer style player. The one who backs up the tank or keeps them on their feet, y'know?
So, because curiosity will likely be the death of me at some point, and despite never wanting to touch it again, I made a warrior character in DAV. I just... had to know if it was me or the game. I suppose I enjoy actually being a good gamer more than I suspected. DAV offended my pride, perhaps. Self-awareness isn't comfortable.
That fighting system, that I had so much trouble with as a rogue (with other rogues and a mage as backup since we don't get our tank companions til later in act one) has, so far, been so fucking easy as a warrior I'm actually thinking of increasing the difficulty level.
DAV is just maximized for warrior players and people who like to bash barrels in, not any other class. Which is just shitty game design.
I suppose I should have seen it before. The rest of the companions you start with are all support characters. Two rogues and a mage. Your first companion you aquire is Bellara, also a rogue. Oops. Mage. Bellara is a mage. I forgor.
I dunno, I'm going to run this character until I get to the spot (when Harding receives her special ability) where I first wanted to rage quit as a rogue. But so far? I haven't died once. I'd gotten creamed numerous times as a rogue character by this spot in the game. I can go toe to fucking toe with a fucking ogre! And only have to heal once!
It's truly ridiculous. I'll test out mage after, if I can find the patience. It's reasonably unlikely that I'll actually decide to finish this run. Unless I do it for writing my fix it fic reasons . But I can kinda see more clearly why some people actually liked it. It's actually almost fun as a tank.
I did also say I'd never touch DAV again too, though, soooooo.
If you turn your brain completely off, don't give a shit about the Lore, and if the story is a back seat sort of thing for you as a gamer, this might actually be somewhat fun. It's not Dragon Age regardless, they screwed the pooch to sell the pups on that one. (I'm a Lore fiend, story and character first player. I legitimately don't give a shit about the fighting in RPGs. It's a back seat thing for me. As long as I can make it work, I'm good.)
SMDH
I said DAV was wickedly unbalanced in my review series, but I didn’t think it was so bad that they... just didn't bother to make it a fun game for rogue players. Despite them getting rid of half of what makes playing a rogue fun (sneaking, hiding in shadows, picking fucking locks, y'know, rogue stuff.) Not sure about mages yet. I do want to try one just out of pissed off, irritated curiosity, though.
Snorts. They made this game for warrior players. And I can't honestly find words to describe how shitty that is. It lacks most of the stuff that makes any RPG an actual RPG. It's maximized for warriors and people who like to destroy barrels. (Why. Why the fucking barrels?) Rogues are nothing but light skirmishers. I'll have to actually play a mage and see, but I've talked to people who said it's easy as a mage, too.
WTAF does BioWare have against rogue players to nerf the class so badly?
I'm honestly floored by how easy this game is as a warrior. I'll even test it out on max difficulty, (which is usually what I play at, max or one down).
But the shittiness of designing a game mostly for tank players can't be ignored. I changed nothing but the class. And I'm not far enough into the game yet for build to matter that much. I think I've gotten roughly 5 skill points to put into my character.
No wonder they denied game keys to honest reviewers.
#bioware critical#DATV critical#DAV critical#Dragon Age Veilguard Critical#Veilguard Critical#Game design#Bad Game Design#who the fuck thinks it a good idea to make an action RPG where it's only fun for warriors?#RPGs are supposed to be fun for every type of class player#I wasn't happy with DAV to start with and I'm even more pissed now#Not every gamer likes playing hack and slash especially in RPGs#Ugghhhhh this game is so badly designed it tempts me to use ableist language
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@paingoes delta if he was in daffodil but it's a doodle that's taken me way too long (two sittings across like. weeks bc I procrastinate digital art)
also I forgot to lineart the waistband of his skirt in the first one...... that's gonna bother me so bad repost where I fix it incoming in 5 months if we're lucky guys
LOOK AT HIM!!! baby... little guy.....
uhhhh how do I even talk about his lore bro...
contents (all fully fictional!): minor whump, war and genocide, war orphan getting groomed into being a child soldier, fantasy racism, so much child abuse bro
taglist (daffodil content is daffodil content!!) : @cryptozoolliegy @chiswhumpcorner @paingoes(???? hi)
well basically his species thing (which I have placeholder named [eels]) got conquered by flos (kingdom daffodil academy is set in) or an ally of flos. the exact reason hasn't really been discussed I originally suggested it just so he can keep his obviously non-human design
anyway delta (this is his birth name now I think. damn) got picked up at a young age. not young young like in his canon but he's still young! I'm gonna skip over a lot because I wanna give alia the stage for talking abt it, but holy shit daffodil got him guys. brainwashed baby. conditioned whumpee through and through!
this was initially bc he was very scared and. traumatized from war so he was terrified of what flos would do to him but like. no, he's treated well. he's taught stuff in lessons and has his own uniform made for him and can customize it and as long as he's good teachers are nice and tell him he's good and how he's so much more intelligent than other [eels] and that he truly is one of the good ones, and that daffodil is fortunate to be able to care for him.
also his psychic telekenisis thing is no longer a psychic thing! it's magic now <3 mage delta... battle mage delta... flos doesn't have the technology required to develop nukes but delta is absolutely a nuke. a percentage of soldiers are his guards since he's always so vulnerable after launching...
also!! he still has the sensory part of telekenisis, and as such he gets an equivalent of the psychic dampeners he has in destroyer. they're manacles this time! can connect to be cuffs with chains (seen in art!), but delta is very well behaved so they're usually just bracelets he's not allowed to take off! yay!
a visual I have issss delta pouring tea in a war meeting discussing how to utilize him. nobody is talking to delta, he's only being talked about as an asset. the most human interaction he gets is a quiet "thank you" from the first few actual participants and specifications for what they want to drink. the subtle dehumanisation in this little scenario is really nice... it's not blatantly referring to him as just a weapon, it's calmly acknowledging him as lesser as if that's a truth, and nobody says it out loud.
uhhhhhhh I think that's mostly it for the part 1 of this!! alia lmk if you want me to talk about how he wears the daffodil uniform or if you'd rather do that
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basically done setting up my new room YEAAAAA
#the amount of peace of mind that having a cute room to come home to brings me is incredible#no more fugly boxes and bags and storage!!! all my stuff is unpacked and easily accessible!!! yeah!!!!!#someone stole my ikea mirror which sucks cause now i have to buy a new one#but once it comes my room will be even cuter!!! i have this vine of fake rose hips that i’m gonna put around it#tbh i think this room is even cuter than my room at my old apartment. and i loved that room to death#this one is just so much neater & cleaner & has more decorations up & more storage space#only thing is the paint on the walls is kinda chipped & there r a bunch of nail anchors in the walls too#but i can fix that if it really bothers me that much#reminder to myself that i should sweep/swiffer the floor again & wipe down the shelves just to make sure everything is clean#i should also get some posters & art but i don’t even know what of#most of my interests do not exactly have cutesy merch i feel like it’d stick out like a sore thumb#but i’m sure i’ll figure something out if i ever get around to it#yay!!!!!!!!!!
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remember when halloween 2018 (or as i like to call it, halloween h40) came out and people were making those flowchart-style diagrams explaining the various halloween timelines? i like when people try to do that for the texas chainsaw massacre series because it is a fool's errand. you cannot divide that series into distinct specific continuities because there aren't any. there's a good argument to be made that every single film in that series takes place in its own completely separate timeline because it so often does not bother to meaningfully connect them beyond the single recurring character of leatherface.
i've mentioned before that tcm2 is my favorite sequel and the only one i actually like and will accept as a canon sequel to the original film, and part of that is because despite the complete 180 in tone it does, it's the only one that bothers at all to be a sequel. i think it's the only one that makes sense as a continuation of the first movie - the only glaring continuity errors are confined to the opening scroll text, which you can take or leave as part of the films' canon. (by this i mean the first movie's opening implies that the sawyers' crimes were discovered after sally's escape, while the second film explicitly says no evidence was found. also it retcons sally's last name to be "hardesty-enright" instead of just making lefty's last name also hardesty, for whatever reason.) there's one newly introduced member of the family but you can infer why he wasn't there in the first movie, and the one who isn't there this time has a good reason to be absent (he's died.) one of the main characters in this movie is a relative of the first film's final girl and his involvement in the plot is explicitly connected to what happened to his niece and nephew. the events of the first movie clearly happened in this universe. low bar, i know.
this could be attributed to this being the only sequel also directed by tobe hooper, although the original film's screenwriter did not return, and him having more of a vested interest in continuing the story of his own work. most of the original film's cast did not return for this one (can't say i blame them), but they work with that pretty well. i do think the film ends in a way that pretty decisively puts the brakes on any possible continuation from there, which could be attributed to hooper not really wanting to do a sequel in the first place and trying not to get asked back for another one. (i agree this was not a film that should ever have had sequels, much less become a full-on franchise. but you can tell that upon having to do it they were just like fuck it, let's have fun. hence the tone.) not that that stopped the studios from valiantly trying again and again to profit off of this title.
which might explain why the later sequels are so particularly weird. they don't really have a lot to go off of, i guess. i think part of the problem is that this is one of the few slasher films where the villain is actually a group of people, not a single recurring killer or identity various killers take up. they do have a silent, masked slasher who can be played by whichever new stunt guy you get for each film, but what about the rest of the family? it's always felt important to me that there isn't anyone outside of this isolated little unit in the first movie, but sequels keep inventing totally new characters out of nowhere with no explanation as to where they've been in previous installments. doesn't matter - we're in a new continuity now. tcm3 does not logically follow in any real way from tcm2 or tcm1. it's not a sequel despite the number in the title. it's a reboot.
(i've kind of come around on tcm4 aka tcm: the next generation. i used to think it was the worst sequel but now i think i get what it's trying to do a little better, although it is a pretty stupid movie in a lot of ways. some people have described tcm2 as a deliberate parody of the first film but i think that applies way better to the next generation, seeing how it follows a lot of the same plot beats but done in a more outlandish and parodic way. also, hey: same screenwriter as the original, returning this time as director.)
then the remake made a shit ton of money and kickstarted a new direction for 2000s horror (great. thanks for that.) and got a prequel that also actually made sense as existing in the same continuity as the film it was a prequel to. (again it probably really helped that they were able to get most of the cast back. no need to invent new family members when you still have all the same people playing them.) then in 2013 we got a sequel that promised to Finally be a Direct sequel to the original movie and...it made no sense as one. they try to pick up right where the original left off but right away there are once again a whole bunch of new characters who definitely weren't there in the first movie suddenly appearing in the house, including a baby whose existence is crucial to the plot.
(i'm sure everyone knows about the bizarre timeline decisions of this one, namely the main character ostensibly having been born in the same year as the events of tcm1 but only being about 18 years old during the main events of texas chainsaw 3d, despite it seeming to take place in the modern day. however there is an explanation for that! originally the film was supposed to take place in the early 90s when a character born in 1973 would have been that age, but studio meddling forced them to reshoot it to be 2013. you might notice that any mention or depiction of the exact year the opening scene takes place seems conveniently obscured in this film, implying that it is yet another alternate timeline where the events of tcm1 occurred sometime in the 1990s. this also serves as further demonstration that 1. studio executives are the dumbest people alive, and 2. people really don't care that much about the first movie. more on that later.)
leatherface 2017 is an attempt at a prequel that also makes little to no sense as a backstory for its titular character; i wouldn't be surprised if it started out as an original screenplay that got retrofitted into a tcm movie. there are no new sawyer relatives invented for this film (i don't think), but it does seem strangely insistent on keeping its leatherface away from the family for as much of the film as possible, making it feel especially like it didn't actually want to be a tcm movie. (the twist of the titular character's identity is clearly meant primarily to be surprising and not to make sense, but i can only say: there's no way that the original film's leatherface grew up apart from his birth family for that long and also used to be a "normal"-by-neurotypical-standards, verbal kid. different continuity.)
then in 2022 we get yet another attempt at No Guys Seriously For Real, This is a Direct Sequel to the First Movie, and i should have known things weren't looking good when it was announced this was actually getting dumped on netflix in february but my expectations plummeted to rock bottom when that teaser came out that thought the most relevant part of the movie to sell to people was a "canceled" joke. jesus. tcm:tng i'm sorry, this is the clear worst sequel. (if it was just that one dumb joke it might not be, but there's so much more that's awful in this movie - whatever.) anyway continuity-wise i guess this isn't completely disconnected, there is clear acknowledgement that the events of the first movie happened, but it's really not relevant to the main plot at all, when you get right down to it. pro tip: if a slasher sequel advertises the return of the original film's final girl, she will most likely not be in the film for more than five minutes. there's some implied backstory about leatherface running away to this neighboring town and being taken in by the lady who runs the orphanage, but honestly this could easily be yet another different continuity where leatherface is the adopted son of a kindly old lady (who still has a confederate flag in her window, jfc, i think this is the first time that imagery has ever been used in this series and it's associated with a character who's supposed to be sympathetic??) who was keeping a lid on his murderous tendencies before she died. points for effort i guess but i don't think it deserves much.
i really don't know why this series in particular is like this. most horror franchises will have their movies clearly follow each other and exist within the same continuity, sometimes with a reboot or two if they've gone on long enough (see: halloween having at least three different timelines, but all clearly branching from the same source.) if it's supposed to be an anthology series, they'll just...say that. i've heard it said that this series works best when viewed as variations on a theme, like the original film's events are an urban legend of sorts being told and retold around the campfire and every version is different because everyone remembers it differently or makes up their own. i do like that and think it makes the franchise make more sense but i know most people watching these movies aren't thinking about it like that, they're thinking of them all as sequels to the same movie, with the remake and its prequel being the only ones clearly existing in their own separate continuity.
it's a little sad to see how no one making official movies in the series seems to really care that much about the ostensible source material. maybe i'm biased because it's the film my brain latched onto the hardest when i started really getting into horror, but i think this movie is so interesting and there's so much there to explore with the little we're given about these characters and their dynamics and what they do and why they do it, and even if you can't really dive into all that in a movie you could at least use what's already there for your sequel and most of them just...don't. like they don't seem to have watched the original movie even before writing a sequel to it, just going off their own vague memories about that one scary movie about a guy with a human skin mask and a chainsaw. i know i shouldn't be expecting any more from a slasher franchise on its 9th installment but...whatever. it is what it is. this was never supposed to be a franchise in the first place. at least i can shout into the void about my thoughts and feelings on here.
(i think i read somewhere that the filmmakers were actually forbidden from referencing cannibalism in the script for texas chainsaw 3d and if that's true...oh boy. talk about missing the point. if you feel like something significant is missing in the later films in this series that's probably part of it.)
#texas chainsaw massacre#tcm#my thoughts#REALLY sorry about how long my original posts keep getting#i just have a lot to say and this is the only place i can share it#and tonight you're getting rambling about the tcm movies' continuity or lack thereof and why it bothers me so much#i know a lot of people don't like tcm2 that much and don't think it works as a sequel and i understand why#but it's still putting a lot more effort into being one than any other sequel in the series#fwiw i do appreciate texas chainsaw 3d as a dumb fun movie in its own right.#someone said that it works best when viewed as someone's self-insert wattpad fanfic written by an edgy 13-year-old#who doesn't care about logical consistency or getting details right as much as their oc who is friends with their slasher fave#and i fully agree.#(texas chainsaw 3d and leatherface 2017 are the kinds of movies that aggravate me because of how easily i think i could do better#with what they're trying to do. i could fix this. please. why wouldn't you go with the obvious better ways to execute these ideas)
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i jyst realided somethinf is demon pomni based off of fizz?
absolutely not !!! i get people soemtimes calling her fizz or like helluva boss inspired design or sowmthing, one time i even had soemtone think it was a helluva boss au but its not ! in my head there is no connection between fizz and demon pomni ! she has two different coloured horns because thats literally pomnis whole thing and she has yellow eyes becaud like .. yellow eyes are fucking cool .. and they mske her look more like a creature whoch is very nice !!! there is z3ro connection between the two 👍
#i dont quite understand how people see it as fizz inspored when all that they have similiar id like ..#two different coloured horns and yellow eyes#but i dont really mind too much ! i can understand it somewhat i guess and it doesnt bother me#not enoufh to address it really or fix someone 2hen they get it wrong
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to love and be loved
#haikaveh#my art#sorry the color value and quality is so bad it started out as a random little doodle on the corner of my canvas then i got attached..#im obsessed with their canon relationship and absolutely adore the dynamics and also i want to see them in a loving marriage together!!#i should really put more effort into making my art look appealing instead of drawing raw emotion in shitty quality and calling it a day...#genshin impact#alhaitham#kaveh#i tried my best to show it but kaveh is smiling i hope its legible...legible?? seeable? the art form of readable#wait i can just say readable#is that a word..#some parts of this sketch is bothering me so much like some of alhaithams hair#and bits of the scarf especialy but im learning to let things go....#and also the cloth on his arm being folded just wrong fuck. ok maybe if i colour this later ever ill fix those..#sorry abt the rant as always have a great day/night and i love you
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honestly if i had a bigger brain, i would write an entire android shouto fic
#I JUST HAVE SO MANY SCENES IN MY HEAD#you fix his faceplate but cant get him a better eye so he just as this neon blue light#he's always saying things like 'my mother used to read to me when i was young'#and you're always like 'you don't have a mother. you were never young.'#bc you've spent your whole life afraid of machines and how overlord-esque corporations have used them to implement their beliefs#they've taken away so many jobs they are unfeeling they are ruthless they are judge jury and executioner#they're given more power for the sake of being morally grey but they're really just EMOTIONLESS BEINGS THAT SHOULDN’T MAKE CERTAIN DECISION#and then you find him 🥺#and at first you want to sell him and make a quick buck but his face is all fucked up and then he starts TALKING#telling you he can feel pain and sadness and love#and you're like !!!!! no you cant !!!!!!!!!#and then someone tries to bother you in some bar and shouto smashes his face in — literally smashes HIS FACE IN —#and then someone tries to stab you and he moves in the way and takes it and HE BLEEDS AND HE CRIES AJFHSIAKALAL#AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK !!!!!!!#WAAAAHHHHH#but it would be so in depth i couldn’t do it justice honestly akfbsjakqk#GOD i wrote too much in these tags#✿ willow writes#✿ shut up willow#✿ thoughts: shouto#✿ theme: android shouto
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I have this thing on the internet where I don't like having a pseudonym. I don't like having multiple accounts. I like being me, just me, under the narrowest umbrella possible. It's funny, because I went to school for acting, but I don't like maintaining personas. In light of that, I've been trying to delete accounts that I made in an effort of fracturing my online identity. That's why I've changed my name here to anjumstar, the email account I made in 2006 in order to play neopets. That's why I removed my pseud on ao3. It's why I'm trying to pick away all the gems from my old tumblr account, reblog them or save them otherwise, and I'm gonna nuke it. I can't wait to nuke it.
To that end, I've just nuked my extra ao3 account, and I switched all the fics from it to my anjumstar account but put them in an anonymous collection. That means my stats are officially all combined and up-to-date, anddddd 🥁🥁🥁
One million words have come and gone on ao3! Maybe five chapters ago in the old fic I'm working on finishing uploading please don't read it.
Since I try not to upload fics until I finish them behind the scenes, odds are I actually hit this goal last year, haha, but this was the first opportunity to see the figure on ao3, and it's a goal I always wanted to hit. It feels very legitimizing.
I wish more of that figure went towards bkdk, and I'm working on it. I hope to have an amazing bnha fic coming down the pike. If it does work out, it'll not be fore months and months and months, I am both over my head and out of my depths.
Here's to another million! 🥂
#milestone#still working on fixing the links here sorryyyy#i hope this anonymous collection thing works out--it mostly feels really good#i hope that none of it bothers the people for whom those fics are important--hope they can still find them easily#even tho now people won't be able to easily “find the other stories the author wrote”#i don't care that much lol people will be fine there's always enough bnha content#sort of#me dehydrated over here trying to find good canonverse bkdk longfics#help
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#sigh. another vent post....#almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people#uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW#don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am#but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks#anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone#so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific#person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't#Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out#without feeling guilty either way. I hope.#.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again#.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this#but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it#and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it#and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus#and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it.#......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really#picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for)#mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr#......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that#post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when#ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly#fuck#...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself#........sigh#....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for.#thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise#won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise#................fuck. im going back to bed
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love random not even logged in readers just dropping their 'constructive criticism' on your 100k+ story that you're putting online entirely for free. this is just a rant btw
"You obviously have a great talent and I think you should work on honing it some. As much as I’ve enjoyed the story, there are a few things that stand out that you might consider looking at. I feel like the story isn’t sure what it wants to be at times; is it character driven or plot driven? It doesn’t flow smoothly because sometimes we have these wonderful character vignettes, like Illumi and Kalluto on a road trip or Kite/Leorio/Gon/Killua in an apartment where plot doesn’t really feel important, followed by what feels like heavily plot driven beats, like Kalluto and the spiders. In addition, it contributes to confusion because sometimes we see established characterization turned on its head. Especially the weird way everyone all of a sudden just sort of was OK with Kalluto being a spider and then working with Illumi when they just went to all that trouble to escape him? It all kind of feels forced and not natural. You know?
Anyway, I’ll definitely keep reading and look forward to seeing what happens."
first: love you trying to sound legitimate with your "in addition" like this is some kind of writer's workshop. second: in what way would I, the writer, think that an incomplete part of my story in which the reader does not yet know most of the main motivations (they are only hinted at so far) feels forced and not natural when I know what's happening, where it is going (and where I haven't had other readers comment with confusion about that part)
and moving on. don't do this. also like i said this is a wip in and no, no one is cool with Kalluto being a spider and no they're not cool working with Illumi, really. it was already established that some of them /have/ been working with Illumi before this~ he's someone that they know. like have you never been in a seriously dangerous situation that you just have to get through before you get back to what you want?*** also at this point Chrollo's real motive hasn't been entirely revealed.
Killua keeps changing his mind about what he's doing because he's a scared kid whose self-hatred is destroying him from the inside out. the POV is so tight that I have to keep dropping reminders that what is stated in the narrative is often not true! Illumi's POV, for example, keeps showing Killua as really loving him and being happy he's around but struggling with a desire for freedom, while with Killua's POV he's terrified of Illumi most of the time. like how is that not obviously a distorted POV where you can't trust the narrator?
"where plot doesn’t really feel important, followed by what feels like heavily plot driven beats"
this part is especially irritating because it's like yeah that's how I want to write it? this isn't a published novel. I don't have to commit to making sure every scene is important to the plot. I can spend time writing a full scene about someone drinking a glass of water and then 13 chapters in a row that are for moving the plot forward. I didn't even tag it as a novel... I did tag it for unreliable narration and I keep getting annoyed that people keep ignoring that.
"I feel like the story isn’t sure what it wants to be at times; is it character driven or plot driven?"
it's both??? it's neither??? it's a fanfic??? why do I keep getting comments lately where people are expecting me to adhere to like fucking publishing standards. this keeps up and I will write a chapter which is entirely about a minor character drinking a glass of water. watch me. I'll write one about phinks drinking a glass of water and you'll like it*
"Overall, the story is good and presented a compelling alternative to CA. Look, each fan has their own opinion on CA and I know I didn’t like it. I think it was a product of what Togashi was going through as he began to experience health issues and then finding himself right back where he said he wasn’t going to be mentally after he ended his earlier manga. We can never know for sure, but it certainly had a “watch it all burn vibe” to it near the end. I honestly believe he wanted it to end with the finality of Gon’s suicide as a capstone statement, but was probably convinced to go a different route, which kinda of left a jarring feel in the narrative and culminated in a rather unsatisfying end to Gon and Killua’s journey. Despite that, I am very reluctant to read fics where the events of CA are erased or grossly modified and honestly yours is really the first long AU/alternate timeline I’ve enjoyed"
okay first of all, I love the CA arc. but I had to split a point off where Kite was going to survive. why do you have to leave this whole paragraph about how you think Togashi was or wasn't going to go with the CA on my fanfic? I didn't even write this as 'oh look at my alternative to CA bc I hated CA' I don't really look forward to hearing comments about how random people didn't like so and so aspect of the story that I'm basing my story off of. I've never written fanfic for a story that I didn't like (except for some things that I don't have published I wrote at a request for friends for a fandom they were into that I wasn't really) and yeah I've wanted to 'fix' aspects (like tolkien's treatment of women for example) but I am not looking for your 'this is what I hated about the source material' comments on my stories
tired of getting comments with little 'oh I didn't like your style at first but now I do' or 'here's how to fix your story!' unsolicited advice from people who aren't better writers than me (I don't even want it from people who would be better writers than me on stuff I'm just doing for fun and for free)
when did stuff like this become normal? at least don't be a coward and be not logged in so you can't even get a response notification. like girl they aren't cool with it! why do you think everyone is on guard standing around like they're in a fucking hostage situation? how do you see such wildly different interpretations from different character's POVs and think it's not intentional? what part about Kite watching Killua like a fucking hawk makes you think he's going to let Illumi take him after this?
like if you've never had to smile and pretend to be cool with your abuser (pretend to love them) or someone who was threatening you to keep someone else safe then good for you! it fucking sucks! also don't know how to explain to you what a child who is growing up in an extremely isolated abusive situation goes through (though I keep writing about it in this story you should catch on...) but it's a million back and forths with emotion and feelings--especially if their abuser does (to in some way or to some degree) love them. and it is often blaming themselves. I'm not letting my years of studying human psychology and child development go to waste here**
is this story perfect? no but I'm not gonna hire an editor for a fanfic. and everyone's interpretations of characters will be different. especially with child characters who are going through huge changes in the world around them and their personal lives. part of the appeal of fanfiction is 'who would they become if this happened instead?' *sorry I keep writing about starving and not having clean drinking water but I will never stop because that's what I grew up with and it's hell. also phinks drinking water would be compelling since I assume he'd have harder access to clean drinking water
**hunter x hunter is also one of the only stories I have encountered with characters who have backgrounds as fucked up as mine and Togashi's interest in human psychology really stands out.
***like good for you but that was most of my life and you sometimes just have to shut up and get through it. and no I will not put my notes in the right order bc I'm not being paid enough****
****I'm being paid nothing
#sorry i got one too many comments that irritated me#feel free to chime in if you're getting comments like this too#it's been really getting on my nerves lately#and making me not want to post anything#you're not my teacher or editor#and i don't use a beta reader bc i'd never post anything#if i had to think of it as work and not just for me#i already do writing for work where i have to really consider the reader#i also didn't like one commenter pointing out typos#i'll catch them at some point#they were like great chapter! here's all the mistakes i saw#so download the story and fix them yourself if they bother you so much you have to run through and do line edits#if you don't want typos i'd have to wait two to three months so the story looked fresh#to catch them before posting and i'm not doing that#you can think this sounds bitchy but writing is hours and hours of work#i could jot down five sentences just for myself and have a story for years just remembering what i was thinking when i wrote those#you want a perfectly edited story? then go read a professionally published book#oh i guess that's not good enough for you either#okay now i am being bitchy but in my defense#i'm not forcing them to read it
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I got so excited by webcomic updates that my heart rate went up like 20 beats. At a beautiful 3 am no less
#i dont talk about vikki enough but i truly love her#shes the one character im like i feel like i could actually meet her where she is a little#the other ones its 'i can fix them'but in a way where i have to really think about how i approached it#cause milo is for one not in a good place to recieve like Any harsh message whatsoever#but also very concerned with the semantics of things very tumblr language type of guy#gage is not that much better like hes on the edgier side but he speaks in warped therapyspeak#xandra is genuinely pretty detached from the whole thing so its just funnt and stupid to her#but vikki like...she maintains ironic detachment and all but she will hear you out#she cares even if it bothers her a lot that she does#so if you could handle her saying stupid shocking shit and wording things tactlessly at times then you could have a convo where you didnt#need to mince words#tl dr she should stop fixating on milo and debate a real unwell tumblr transmasc. like me
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Amazon give me a bit of money and I'll fix all your Hogan's Heroes mistakes
Amazon please
#Hogan's Heroes#Amazon#Freevee#that's not what the episode is called >.<#I love this show and I'm so glad it's finally streaming#and the mistakes and the missing episodes and the mistimed ad breaks don't really bother me all that much because I've got the DVDs#but Amazon please I'm watching it anyway. I can fix it for you.#original post
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one of my upper front teeth has tilted inwards even more so and it's rubbing off on one of my bottom teeth and the upper teeth has started to lose its enamel bc of it and today both teeth have started to hurt :s
#liliana talks#i don't want to tell my family about it bc i don't want to bother them#bc dad already bothers all of us with his made up illnesses#also bc we don't have money for me to go see a dentist and see if this could be fixed#i also don't want to wear bracers i hate them so much#but it's becoming really annoying like even my bite has started to change and pull backwards#so i can avoid all the rubbing bc it's annoying and it hurts#not to mention my jaw and the back portion of my tongue has started to hurt too
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i forgor about mass outbreaks, i've used so much herba mystica to get shinies through isolated encounters x_x
#ghost town... 2!#pokemon#in my defense i date skipped for like 2 years with no wiglett outbreak before i knew encounter power influences outbreaks#so can you blame me that much for not wanting to bother with it lmao#anyways I Know Now so i can take a good break from raids :)#i'd still like to try to find a really good blissey raid or smth on my violet save that gives like 4 herbas and savescum that for a while#hopefully indigo disk's dex completion reward is like “Mystical Charm” or smth that makes raids drop HM more frequently#(and also fix online raids because they're TERRIBLE and i don't think the biggest problems are even glitches. just bad design)#(might make a post about that. i have Thoughts and Ideas)
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sometimes i think maybe i'd like to actually write & post my writing on here but then i remember the worldbuilding i was working on needs to be entirely reworked in some parts & it's like. what's the point until i've worked all that out
#perth.txt#but so much of it bothers me & idk how to fix it bc. it was meant to be a roleplay universe#it was built over time with a bunch of diff elements that were brought together & some of them just dont mesh#im afraid it might be too big for me to handle on my own bc im a little too obsessed with making a world that has similar size as earth#meaning all the cultures n countries n stuff that come with it#it can technically be made easier through the power of 'this is a fictional world but there are shitty rich ppl'#in which the shitty rich ppl ruined it for mostly everyone else#but the way i see it its gonna bring up things that i frankly dont trust myself to handle properly#bc its big & i get squashed by just. all the aspects to be taken into consideration#i probably make things too hard for myself i'm no tolkien i could just go 'its like this bc its like this :)' & go#but........ would i ever be satisfied with it.#if im not satisfied with the worldbuilding how can my readers be........#not that i intend on going into writing of all things as a career i have enough dead end prospects as is#i just. want to share the stuff i care about & sometimes that happens to be worldbuilding & stuff#but its a large world & it has a lot of barely worked on but full of potential concepts#& im bound to neglect some of them eventually if i want to focus on one single plot.#which i dont.#the whole point from the start was that the little people can get together and make things better when everything seems hopeless#a kinda salvageable thing would be a timeskip where the characters get cryostasis'd or w/e after the big event#but it feels like a cop out & i really dont wanna go for that. not the whole fleet#the fleet itself might be part of the problem. it was brought up by my friend but. i dont have to keep that. it just doesnt work for me#i feel it defeats the purpose if we have intergalactic travel. yeah our rich people suck can you help us take them down ok bye#i Do like the idea of having Big Technology Advancements of sorts but. i think maybe the fleet is stunting me.#but what to do instead... maybe i should rework the 'sacred weapon' stuff too. i don't know how though.#i was a bit attached to that & it's kinda central to two of the main plotlines...#considering one of them if centred around. the sacred weapon themself#grbrbgrbgbrgbgr i need to think on all of this
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