#but i can feel ot
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boat.....
#i feel like this is the start to an album#similarly to gw#also he will usually state by now of theres a spotify release#he has said nothing so far#i can smell it#bro never uploads on mondays for a single#dont fact check that i cant remember its 6am#but i can feel ot#chonny jash#moss post
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3-mage party comp is a very funny way to play da2. entire first part of the game is repeatedly drilling into you that mages outside the protection of the circle + jurisdiction of the chantry are in big danger if they're discovered and here hawke is carting around the whole apostasy fan club. good morning, mr templar ser, fine weather isn't it? what's that? have i run into any apostates lately? no serah, thank the maker, but i'll let you know if i see any. who are all these people standing next to me? why, my beloved and most certainly extremely law-abiding friends from the kirkwall society of quarterstaff enthusiasts, of course,
#my hawke is also a big apostate white knight so it's extra funny when she does ot#''okay FINE well even if we are 'more conspicuous' or whatever i feel better when i can keep an eye on you guys alright?''#dragon age#dragon age 2#just squirrelly things
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i love our little corner of the fandom cause it’s all the same people. and even if we aren’t mutuals we at least know of each other’s existence and that feels a lot more welcoming than other sides of swiftie fandoms
#i feel like everyone’s also more accepting if smaller accounts cause followers aren’t a big deal#it’s just so so nice to have#we’re all multifandom basically but still interact with each others hyperfixations even of we don’t love them ourselves#like it just feels so nice and lovely at times here#ot can be bad but i like to think it’s still a good bubble#kelly babels
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we jest we laugh but doesn't the thought that we aren't even free of nobility as a ruling class make your blood boil. Yes yes by the modes of the present the current ruling classes are the capitalists the hegemonies the monopolies but we can't even say we exchanged one for the other. They're literally still here. It's so inconcievable to me. What the hell
#[.txt]#and some people are in favour of them... how does that not. I feel like I'd have to break and reconstruct my brain to be in favour of it#i understand the mechanism behind why people would be in favour ot the hirerachy of capitalism#namely the illusion of being able to climb you way up#but MONARCHIES? NOBILITY? you as a NORMAL PERSON why would you be in FAVOUR of it...#you can't even delude yourself into thinking it's to your benefit or that you can achieve the goal. Why would you be in favour of it.#the DIVINE RIGHTS OF KINGS?????????#THE FUCKIGN. ENLIGHTENED DESPOT LOGIC?????#maybe i'm experiencing the autisms but there isn't a single way I could possibly wrap my brain around it
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niche content but tier list of ghouls as clinicians (any patient-facing healthcare role)
sorry yuri but you'd fail viva
#tokyo debunker#lin yapping#honestly subaru would get bullied by patient families if he were in a big hospital#pls put him in priv or a small nursing home#jiro would thrive in acute honestly u go jiro#zenji would be SO FUN in an eipic setting im begging for a zenji#haru is the community paeds slp who never goes home on time / stays until 8pm prepping session plans#honestly luca would also be great with adults but also i feel like . parents would trust him#maybe as an audiologist??? or an ot tbh#im 20% sure sho's hair doesn't pass hospital regulations but he'd be great w rehab patients... maybe as a pt??#edit: nat said sho would be a resident and i SEE it#haku as a locum ot who happens to locum at the same places rui does (rui by default is an slp...)#lyca is on his way there but he needs a bit more cleaning up before he can pass viva!!!! maybe as an rt!!!#also towa would eat the flowers ur family brought for u#btw tohma is ok only bc he's head of department and doesn't directly deal with patients anymore#if he does it's vvvvvvip patients who request him by name or like . rly rare aphasia cases#he probs lectures part-time#doing this to put off intervention plans hurkghgkjgkhd#alas!#born to hotarubi forced to mortkranken#i should use this tag whenever i procrastinate huh#alan is a pt btw if it wasnt obvious#ed part times at dementia day cares for fun bc he 1) would not last the whole day 2) is not allowed near surgery patients
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RealAgeAU Drabble - Reminiscene
Hello everyone :3
You all know what time it is!! I think... It is time for another Dream drabble :3 @spotaus I know how much you like having dream be put through the ringer :33
First drabble Prev drabble Next drabble
Not much to say this time. You guys ready?
*-------------------------*
All things considered? Dream had been doing okay lately.
The worst part was that he wasn't sure if he felt good or bad about it.
At least Core didn't call him every 5 minutes anymore. Seems like the outcode child finally accepted that Dream had changed. That Dream had moved on.
Hah.
If only they knew how little he had actually moved on.
Dream stands in the greyed out forest. Waiting and listening. Not even a slight breeze. No sound.
A dead AU.
He used to blame Nightmare for that, for killing their AU.
Nowadays?
Dream figures it was just the end of their AU.
Dream leans against a tree and sighs. He tries to reach out but no sounds.
On his solo trips and, as Blue liked to call them, self discovery trips. Dream had learned he could speak to trees. Though maybe calling it speaking was a bit generous.
The trees didn't use words. Just sounds and whistles and whispers that could almost have been words. Dream had still been able to understand however. He just had to listen.
Seems like that was a theme for him. He just had to listen to be able to understand.
Even so, he takes a deep breath and leaves the forest and walks towards a familiar hill.
He kept returning here. Dream wants to say he doesn't know why and that it is just his home calling back for him.
He knows the truth.
He stops by the old cut down stump and focusses on the two familiar graves.
Seems like he hadn't been the only one visiting. There are once again fresh flowers. All beautifull yellows and orange coloured this time.
Dream smiles as he sits by the graves and gently touches the flowers. Part of his soul grieves at the two graves, once of which is meant for him. But another part of his soul sings in joy.
Because there is only one monster who could have made these graves and left these flowers.
Dream chuckles as he glances at the stump "Nighty came by... didn't he?"
No answer of course. Nim has died a long time ago. Even so Dream leans back against the stump as he keeps looking at the graves, most of his focus is on his own.
Dream keeps staring at the graves as he speaks "I know you won't answer me... with you being gone.. But... I want to at least think you are listening to me. Just this once."
Nim never listened to him. Neither to Nighty. They just had to listen to her.
Look at where that lead them.
Dream watches over the grey fields and the village in the distance. "Had you already decided near the start? Which one of us you would love and which one you wouldn't?"
No answer but Dream didn't mind. He watches the village in the distance. He can't help but wonder how often Nightmare would have had to do this alone. Keep watch alone.
"Or was it an in the moment decision? Had there been a moment were you held both of us and loved us both? Or had you decided the moment Nightmare formed that you would hate him?"
How often Dream would rush off, ignoring the quiet pleas to stay wiht Nightmare.
"I think you decided from the start. Why else would you give him the name you did? Say the only thing that matters about him is how he was different from me."
Would he have seen those angry people coming? With weapons? Had Nightmare been afraid? Wondering where Dream had been? Why Dream hadn't stopped them?
"It has to be the reason. Why else would you tell me to make friends with the villagers and help them? While telling Nightmare to stay put and send them away? You must have known. Known that by making me help them and by making Nightmare deny them that they would grow angry with him."
How often had Nightmare believed Dream had abandoned him? Only for him to end up mortally injured?
"You don't deserve the grave he made." Not that Dream thinks he truly deserves one himself. Even if he returns each time to see if new flowers are left for him.
Dream once again wonders if he should leave a message for the next time Nighty visits... Just something that he wishes to talk.
But then that ever present fear returns. What if it meant Nightmare wouldn't visit this place anymore instead of answering? What if he decided it was better to completely cut their past lose from him instead?
Dream hugs his legs as he tries to remember how colourful everything had been. How beautiful it had been.
But... Dream now realises that it had just been a prison of responsibility... For both him and his brother.
A golden cage... but still a cage.
Drema snorts as he nudges Nim's grave "Yet here you are! immortalised by a grave your son made you! You know. That same son you aparently never liekd or wanted? That son made you a grave and keeps said grave clean and brings you flowers. I bet you wouldn't even be thankful for it."
Dream knocks the stump with his fist "After all! How often did you tell me that I should focus on myself? How i should focus on making the villagers like me? How i shouldn't bother to wait for Nighty to return from the river?" Nim had been trying to seperate them from the start. A dream had never realised.
Dream sighs as he hugs his legs "We were children. Little babybones and you gave us adult responsibilities...." They should have just ran. the two of them should have just disappeared into the forest.
Nighty had asked him a few times if they couldn't just leave together.
Dream should have realised something was seriously wrong. Nighty had been the one who took their jobs so seriously.
But... Dream had just said he didn't want to leave his friends in the village behind.
"I wish i could turn back time... get a redo... I would stay by Nightmare's side. I would convince him that the job you gave us wasn't our job."
Dream wonders why Nightmare had been so set on doing their job so well... Dream has ideas but none of them are happy reasons.
"What... waht did you tell him? That made him desperate to do this job well?" Which lies had Nim told Nightmare in Dream's absence...?
Dream hugs his legs "Why did you never bother to tell me?" Dream grows angry as he huffs "Why did you never bother to tell me the same? Or tell me when Nighty was near? Or tell nighty when I was near? What was it you were trying so hard to protect?!"
A memory. from so long long ago. It had been raining and Nightmare hadn't been around. Ligthning had been flashing and Dream had been so afraid. His mother had help him within her branches. protected him. reassured him he would be safe. told him...
told him that Dream just had to protect himself. protect the hope he represented...
Dream laughs as he kicks the grave of his mother. glaring at it angerly "Was it worth it?! Was it worth killing one of your sons to protect the other?! Was it worth being the cause of all this pain and suffering we both had to go through?!" Dream shakes his skull as he gets up "Nevermind. You are never going to give me answers... and honestly. I am tired of you being a part of my life in anyway. I hope you rot whereever you are now." and he walks back to the forest.
It is silent and he prefers it like that. Things had been loud and hectic.
And well...
Maybe just maybe... He had done the same as Nightamre had done.
He gets to the forest lake and immediantly spots the tiny grave.
Well not grave. Dream shies away from that word. Nightmare is very much alive after all. It is more like a memorial... Wait those can be made for living people right? drema thinks so.
It was nice. It gave him a safe place to grieve and talk about everything. to imagine Nightmare across from him and listening to him. Like old times.
Dream figures that is why his own grave nad Nim's are still up. Dream knows Nightmare has to come by to take care of both graves and Dream snorts as he imagines Nightmare just telling the two graves in all the things they had been wrong in and all the stupid lies they believed.
For now he sits down and pulls out a few little knick-knacks he had collected form across the multiverse.
Dream keeps his voice quiet. Afraid someone will hear and come ruin it "Hey little brother..." he can't forget anymore that Nightmare had been his younger twin. Yet it had always been Nightmare who took care of him. "I am back..."
finally back.
Dream traces the stone and wood structure he had made. all still in perfect condition. With the AU being dead there was no more decay.
Dream organises everything he had left before sitting across from it "Sorry it took me a while. I had a.... I had an identity crisis." he snorts "I know. ironic isn't it? Everyone was always so quick to help and guide me to be what i should be yet it helped nothing. I still ended up unsure about who i was or what i had to do..."
he looks at the snowglobe he had put down "I was always jealous of how you just seemed to have it all figured out. How you were confident in what you did. Both before and after the apples. it felt like i was failing, and i guess in the end i did fail as everything i believed had been a lie..."
Dream sighs as he leans his cheek on his knee as he keeps looking at the structure "It is stupid... I had all the help in the world, and then even the multiverse. and yet still i didn't figure it out. I still didn't figure out i was a god of balance over positivity. I still didn't figure out i was doing more harm than good..."
Dream traces the grey grass under him "I was so against picking a domain Nighty... partly because i didn't want to pick something and get you stuck with something you would be hated for. Not again... but that wasn't all."
Dream hugs his legs and confesses what had been weighing him down "I was afraid of picking wrong. No, I am afraid of picking soemthing wrong. That i will pick something and once again not understand it... How did you do it Nightmare? How did you figure out what you were suposed to do? You didn't have help yet you understood...."
Drema chuckles and rubs his cheek "Not that it matters anymore. aparently i did already pick... Reaper confirmed it for me not too long ago... a god of progress. What the hell does that even mean? What does it mean i should do? I know i aparently helped blue by inspiring him to get out of that loop but still! That was on accident! what if i once again go to far?! what if i..." he hides his face "What if i mess up again?"
Guilt and Dream chuckles "Here i go again... whining about my trouble... I don't even know what my choice and pick do you... what is even the oposite of progress?! regression? Did i make it so you are stuck with like... reset stuff?!" he sighs as he rubs his cheek and rubs the tears away "This shit is so unfair... neither of us ever asked for this. We never wanted this and no one tried to help us before yet expected us to just know."
Dream stares at the memorial. no answers of course but he does feel better after speaking about his worries.
Dream chuckles as he pats the memorial gently "But.... that wasn't why i am here. As you know... today is a special day!" he turns to his pack and pulls out a bottle. it is champagne. and a few cupcakes. he lays the cupcakes between him and the structure before putting a candle on both cupcakes and lighting them.
Dream smiles as he opens the bottle and holds it up to the grave "It is our birthday!"
Dream rubs his neck "I know it must seem weird. after all! For the last i don't even know how many years i had so many people to celebrate with and so many powers and even before that it were the villagers but... well..."
his voice grows softer and softer "I miss when it was just us. After we collected berries and fresh fruits. when we would sneak off together and sit by the river to eat the fruits together and give each other small gifts..." he pulls a small wooden statue from his pack.
Dream looks at it and rubs the wood. He had spend weeks on it. an old familiar skill now unfamiliar and feeling alien in his hands. he managed to make a small owl at least. even if one eye was clearly bigger than the other and Dream now had more splinters in his hands then ever before, even more than he first started.
He places it carefully in front of the memorial "I know it... it isn't my best work... I am going to be honest, it is porbably my worst..." he just hadn't had time to try again. He tried so many times but none of them have looked right and as time went by it just kept getting worse and suddenly he didn't have time anymore.
Dream chuckles "It sucks that i.... i didn't keep up with the hobby... I hope you kept reading at least... that you had the chance to keep reading... your picture and castle seemed to reinforce this at least... there were so many books in there! and the picture of you reading..." he rubs his arm as he keeps sitting right there "I am sorry... that you felt like he had to leave and run from your home... again..." he glances down adn chuckles "look at me... rambling... lets blow out the candles okay? I will blow out both. Don't forget to make a wish."
Drema leans down and blows out the candles on both cupcakes before putting his hands together and making his wish.
A silent whisper in his mind.
please.
please.
Just give him the chance to meet Nightmare again.
To talk to him one more time.
If only once to tell him he is sorry and that Dream loves him.
Dream opens his sockets and smiles at the grave, ignoring the tears that are leaving his sockets "Did you make a wish nightmare? Remember. No telling! otherwise it wont come true!"
Dream takes the two cupcakes and eats both before opening the champagne bottle and drinking straight from it. He isn't a fan of stuff like this but champagne is suposed to be for celebrations and well... celebrating himself and his twin seems like a good reason.
He spends his afternoon like that. just being in his old AU thinking back.
Fitting. a god of progress... stuck thinking about the past.
Dream chuckles and sighs "Blue said it is fine you know? To take time and get used to everything... I just hope... that you are doing the same... taking your time to rest after everything. I can only imagine how exhausting it would ahve been to have to do everything you did while everyone was actively working against you..." he smiles up "Good news for that though! I managed to visit pretty much everyone who knew either of us personally or about us! And i managed to explain the situation! so.. hopefully... whever you are or are planning on going, people will let you be and do your thing..."
Dream smiles at the memorial with the raised bottle "to us. to the future... and... I miss you... I am sorry i didn't make it obvious how much you mean to me..."
That had to be the reason why Nightmare hadn't searched him out yet... because he beleived that Dream hated him.
And that is on Dream. On dream for not doing a good job as brother and making it obvious that he loved his twin.
Dream hums as he leans against the stone structure "I love you nighty. And I promise you, I will make it up to you once we meet again."
Maybe that is why he is the god of progress. Because he is willing to move forwards and make it up. progress towards a new future.
Dream blinks and laughs "I bet you would have heard my title and figured it out immediantly." he giggles as he leans against the stone "Happy birthday Nightmare."
Happy birthday to me.
Dream sips the expensive bottle and enjoys the peace and silence.
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First drabble Prev drabble Next drabble
#utmv#realageau#dream sans#dreamtale dream#Only dream today!#And he is thinking and remembering!#Still no edits or betas. just me letting dream ramble and think and feel what he feels#also! Look at that!#Dream knows what his domain is!#it is progression!#Dream will figure out what he wants with that later.#ironically dream is very stuck in the past#but just because he remembers the past doesn't mean he can't move forwards#How can you move forwards after all. if you are unwilling to learn from the past?#Dream just isn't feeling confident at the moment and he needs time. but he will figure it out!#Much like Nightmare uses restoration to help things return to a whole moment. to ENABLE them to heal.#(like making the mushroom tree return to a moment of being healthy so he could remove the thing doing harm)#Dream learns and uses the past. to help others learn and move forwards.#(like how blue learned from the resets nad moved forwards by changing and adapting)#Very much connected with the same overall goal but through different means <3#No baby in the drabble thought </3#Also yeah Dream sitll isn't aware that Nightmare is baby. which is gonna be QUITE the reveal... eventually :D#Euh. I think that is it for todays drabble lmao#It isn't perfect but euh they never are and i am not going ot drive myself crazy trying to make a drabble perfect ;P
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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We as a society need to have a serious conversation about how puppy coded CT s1 ep4 Ben was because it actually drives me insane
#ben pincus#jurassic world chaos theory#camp cretaceous#camp cretaceous chaos theory#jurassic world camp cretaceous#jwcc#jwct#i need to consume him#my little discord kitten#ty CT designers for not taking away his puppy eyes when he got older#hes so beloved#whoever animated him in this ep loves him dearly I can feel ot in my soul
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Hmm in terms of my own personal enjoyment, in my own PERSONAL opinion, DR >>>>>>>> Oni Trilogy
#This isn't me over hyping DR lol i just prefer watching it over OT#OT is so focused on realism and maturity it forgets to be so silly and fun too#I Prefer DRs approach#having a more lighthearted story which can go incredibly deep and feel Right#OT is so depressing that I can't enjoy the lighthearted moments#whereas DR is so fun that when it Does go for comedy in a hard-hitting story or moment#It Feels normal#Also the push to be more realistic w powers is stupid#The ninja would be spamming that shit every minute lol#Maybe i just don't like OT as much as I used to.#ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#raine's rambles#hot take#unpopular opinion#at least afaik
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have u ever seen a comic book panel so beautiful it made u wnna cry?
#its a little on the nose but KYAHHHH#its fffff its literally him its literally duke thomas like actually himand not thw evil fanon twin that wears his face#and??? like it summarized 2 big ole points in the duke discussion circles and shows that hes come so so far#he can actually rely on others and he felt like he was invisible and AAAA its too early 4 me rn ill come back when i ahve the right words#but like even tho this is kinda bare minimum i feel so so vindicated and im so glad the writing did a minimum amount of research b 4 writing#him and this was the perfect story to put him specifically in bcs the villains motives seem to foil dukes own#also i love the little detail of duke offering him food and to talk ot thru its so consistent to his character#its literally not even a full comic but i feel so happy i could cry#I WILL B TALKING MORE L8R work 2 do rn..#the signal#duke thomas#batfam#dc tag#thought bubbles
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Barges into your room, farts, flicks the lights on and off for a bit, throws this at you, and then leaves without closing the door
me 24/7 365also WHATTHE FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!SDHKGHDSHGDSIHGESHDHGDBNGJNFDKBFKJDG
#cin be normal ab ur artstyle for once challenge INSTANT FAIL!!!!!!!!!#also cin try not to think about donnie challenge instant fail#hes so square#HEHEHKSGLJHDKGLSKD#i love your style SO MUCH BRO#this is so pfp. bro#i would say “when i get bored of my pfp on discord i would want ot change it to it” but i dont think im ever going to get bored of it......#i want to make all the art u make me my pfp bro its all so PFP-ABLE BRO#im goingt.o die#i cant wait to get u again#yes its a /threat#the coloring is so fuzzy...#im genuinely going insane over everything u draw me.#like.#im going to like make a folder for it just so i can look at it#<- looks at it when i feel sad or smth#ERM ANYWAY.#i yap too much#cinnatello#corrupted file 📄#previews 🎞️#tmnt cin#selfship#gifts 💌
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I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it here on tumblr, but I recently started listening to TMA! I’m like a little over a quarter of a way through the 200+ episodes of the podcast and I am THOROUGHLY enjoying it ☺️
#been live reacting to it on privtwt! my reactions can change from theorizing to borderline incoherent with panic#there’s also a lot of feels. im feeling the feelings about these characters I love the main four so much#my favourite moment of my live reactions though is when I fell asleep to Jon’s voice (i really like ot)#only to be rudely woken up by him not 10 minutes later screaming RUN#it was a shock lmao#I also .. uhh BELATEDLY found out Jonathan Sims is part of the Mechanisms…. he’d Johnny D’ville….#and I could have gone through all 5 seasons without ever putting thay together if I didn’t listen to the qna 😭😭#tma podcast#the magnus archives#< these will become tags soon enough guys !! i WILL be maki g fanart#deadbaguettesrambles
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jokes @ night r not funny in the morning,,,
originally the blue was green but then i decided 2 b pan
#dont even ask me what i was trying 2 accomplish#CAUSE IDKKK#sighs @ least they look cute igg#bart is still hard 4 ne 2 draw idk sobbs#also i seem 2 draw him in a lot of tanktops while i draw kon in a lot of crop tops#i just ?????????#anyways i literally have no idea wtf this means#it was supposed 2 b silly & funny but if ur evil u could make it angsty#not me thoo…..i would neever#cause what kind of sick freak does that#((its me im the sick freak))#no but this is supposed 2 b silly ITS JUST RLLY NOT FUNNY IDK#konbart#kart#still 2 scared 2 but it in their main tags or whateverrrr#NO BC LIKE I DONT WANNA GET RIPPED APART#omggg the reason y it looks more angst is bc i put the ���dw’ isnt itttt#ughhhhhhh#ok sure whatever GRRR AAAAAA#i have a better kart drawing idea but this 1 was easier 2 draw#brrrr#i feel like im just mostly going 2 b drawing kart 2day oh man#((i say this like i dont draw them everyday))#puppee art#holy u can rlly tell i h8 stabalizers batman#i say ‘line arts my fav part’ but i dont actually do nice line art idfkkk yyyy but mayb its bc u dont need clean lineart 2 render stuff???#@ least i dont#man i should render smth its been so long since ive like ‘completed’ a full drawingg#HELP IM STILL UPSET HOW I DREW BART I LIKE I JUST DONT WANT 2 DRAW HIM LOOKING LIKE A KID BUT LIKE OTS KINDA HARD WHEN HES NEXT 2 KON THIS I
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I guess I feel kinda chatty since I haven't many chances to post on here in a little while (besides just screencaps and reblogs.) I have a lot of thoughts but unfortunately not enough spoons to get them all written down asap. A lot of them are about Amber-- I've been rotating her and Thirteen as inverses in my brain. She is so under-appreciated. A lot of thoughts re: 'House' and its portrayal of disability and chronic illness, too. Something something this show has been so important to me while being sick/dealing with this chronic illness, and I love it even more now.
#slowly but surely seeing health improvements#just got set up with pt and ot and i think that will help a lot!!#and waiting on genetic test to come in the mail#also finally have a diagnosis for one of the underlying issues#so now hopefully the rest of the drs i see for all the shit the mold made 10x worse will take me more seriously#and hopefully i get to visit my fiancee soon omg#despite being very sick things are going pretty okay and i can definitely feel/be happy#and there's more new things and adjustments coming on the horizon#anya shush
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i can't even describe how upset i am oh my god.
#legitimately crying over here! so that's fun#we came so fucking close#we played our best game of the year#and it didn't matter#and i'm going ot the giants game next week#it was a birthday present from my sister#who i love so much#and it's like#does it matter#who fucking cares#we can do so well and play so ahrd and it doesn't matter#i can be so invested and feel so many things and it doesn't matter#:(
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looked in the mirror and I'm so fucking pretty it made me want to throw up tbh, not what i want to see at all
#im having some uh. dysphoria.#i recognise that im attractive in a woman way and i have mixed feelings#cause on one hand i giess it's a good thing to not feel ugly? and i can always appreciate beauty and all that#but by god i wish it wasn't me tho#it's hard to explain my feelings on the matter just know that im writing ot down in my diary to figure it out#and yeah this is something im currently struggling a lot with and probably the main reason im not active rn#i just do not have the energy to deal with anything when i feel like this
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