#but i am aware

[wolfislost]

On The Joys of Hunting

I see a lot of alterhumans talk about the horrors of having a prey drive, the inconvenience of it, or how violent/ugly it is.

For understandable reasons, the impulse to kill is not the most palatable thing in the world. Especially in a society that is for the most part no longer interested in, or familiar with, the idea of hunting for food.

For some of us alterhumans, hunting is more than just a way to get food. It's a way to feel like ourselves, by doing what we're meant to. What comes naturally to us.

I say all of this to provide groundwork for an observation I've made about a practice of mine.

I engage in a kind of faux-hunting. I stalk prey animals, without actually killing them. It's a slow, methodical, and quiet thing. The process is mostly waiting and watching.

I'm sure from the outside it looks incredibly boring.

But from the inside, it's enrapturing. Every twitch, every slight movement they make is a tiny jolt of electricity in my nerves. It's one of the only times I get to fully let myself be a monster. Something primal and instictive and finely tuned in to my surroundings.

At the same time, it's deeply relaxing.

I suffer from a long term anxiety disorder that I rarely talk about here. Between that and my innate personality, my mind is a cluttered place most of the time.

When I'm shifted, all of that goes away.

And when I'm hunting, there's a kind of singular clarity that a shift might otherwise lack. It's a little like being a force of nature. Act and react. Cause and effect.

You move, I move.

This isn't the only positive experience I've had with my prey drive, but it's the one I wanted to talk about first.

Have you had any experiences you want to share? Does anyone else get a similar satisfaction out of stalking animals?

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This post wouldn't exist without @flooferbutt who asked the question that started this, and @beastlybardou who's ability to articulate ideas and share experiences has been crucial to me developing my own. Thank you both, keep being awesome.

[characcoon]

Looking at the ATSV plot line and hm. Looking at Spider Mikey having a lot of Prowler Donnie gear in his design and hm. Hm. Fun.

[etherealspacejelly]

sometimes you just have to let yourself be a bit neurodivergent.

i hate going out, it gives me a lot of anxiety and sensory input that i dont like, and i am often forced to talk to people.

so i do this thing on more difficult days, or sometimes just for fun, where i "bring a fictional character with me". i walk and imagine Fictional Character walking next to me. they talk to me, reassure me, hype me up, whatever i need them to do.

today dean winchester came christmas shopping with me. he went over the list with me of stuff i needed to get, told me i was doing a good job every time i finished in a certain shop, reminded me to take a deep breath when i got a little overwhelmed.

and yea. its kinda silly. and i know its just me talking to myself in a different voice, but it Works! especially since all of my special interests/hyperfixations tend to be tv/movie related.

so do what you gotta do to Get Shit Done. stop holding yourself to neurotypical standards. if you need Fictional Character to tell you you're doing a good job, do it! if you need Favourite Singer to walk you to school, do it! yea it might feel silly but you're literally fighting against your own brain to get stuff done every single day. you can have a little self indulgent daydream, as a treat.

[d4ggerfish]

dnd character design :] !!!

[prolibytherium]

I love that I'm can always still find out about cool animals that I never knew existed. Like today I learned that brush-tailed porcupines exist and straight up look like giant rats with spines

[wrightandco]

the confetti for a not guilty verdict is actually the funniest fucking thing about ace attorney

it’s like they inherently know their system is fucked to the to the extent that they’ve got the celebration confetti at the ready when they don’t wrongfully incarcerate someone

edgeworth never lost a trial until he faced phoenix wright so the confetti goes off and he’s probably like what the fuck ppfthh pffth phhh that last bit is him spitting the confetti out of his mouth

[inkskinned]

this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.

good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.

sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.

so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.

one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.

[myiliterallyhavenolifegoals]

Learn your history!!!!

[peachdoxie]

horror is always like oh no they're possessed by a demon well what about possessed by an angel? angelic possession is also horror.

[nonebinary-leftbeef]

DEVASTATING the lyric you've been mishearing is better than the real one

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

i would say that, mentally speaking, i'm in a good place right now! physically of course, the crows continue their chanting,

[aueua]

people with siblings: how do you feel about them?

[redstonedust]

ok ive realised my main issue when it comes to talking about work is that sometimes i say "i dont want a job, i want to make art" and inevitably people will respond with "you can make art your job!" and like. theyre not wrong! that is my goal currently. but its not the same thing, you know? art as a job isn't just about making art, it's about networking and finding jobs and building a portfolio and promoting yourself and staying on top of trends and communicating with clients and market appeal and scheduling. and sometimes u just sit there and go man. i dont wanna do all that. i just wanna make art.

[plantpirating]

Type "I am" in the tags and whatever follows is your gender today...

[pangur-and-grim]

oh Pangur….

[anbaisai]

10 seconds before Kalim asks him what he's smiling at and he shoves his phone into his pocket at light speed