#but i am aware

[wolfislost]

On The Joys of Hunting

I see a lot of alterhumans talk about the horrors of having a prey drive, the inconvenience of it, or how violent/ugly it is.

For understandable reasons, the impulse to kill is not the most palatable thing in the world. Especially in a society that is for the most part no longer interested in, or familiar with, the idea of hunting for food.

For some of us alterhumans, hunting is more than just a way to get food. It's a way to feel like ourselves, by doing what we're meant to. What comes naturally to us.

I say all of this to provide groundwork for an observation I've made about a practice of mine.

I engage in a kind of faux-hunting. I stalk prey animals, without actually killing them. It's a slow, methodical, and quiet thing. The process is mostly waiting and watching.

I'm sure from the outside it looks incredibly boring.

But from the inside, it's enrapturing. Every twitch, every slight movement they make is a tiny jolt of electricity in my nerves. It's one of the only times I get to fully let myself be a monster. Something primal and instictive and finely tuned in to my surroundings.

At the same time, it's deeply relaxing.

I suffer from a long term anxiety disorder that I rarely talk about here. Between that and my innate personality, my mind is a cluttered place most of the time.

When I'm shifted, all of that goes away.

And when I'm hunting, there's a kind of singular clarity that a shift might otherwise lack. It's a little like being a force of nature. Act and react. Cause and effect.

You move, I move.

This isn't the only positive experience I've had with my prey drive, but it's the one I wanted to talk about first.

Have you had any experiences you want to share? Does anyone else get a similar satisfaction out of stalking animals?

☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆

This post wouldn't exist without @flooferbutt who asked the question that started this, and @beastlybardou who's ability to articulate ideas and share experiences has been crucial to me developing my own. Thank you both, keep being awesome.

[characcoon]

Looking at the ATSV plot line and hm. Looking at Spider Mikey having a lot of Prowler Donnie gear in his design and hm. Hm. Fun.

[hexjulia]

so hard not to become the most annoying person on earth if you're a little excitable and just learned a little about a topic literally no one around you has any interest in

[avesgrayson]

Teenage Damian: Father, I have something very important to tell you. Richard has assured me it will not change your view of me, and I am holding you to that.

Bruce, thinking another kid is coming out: of course Damian. You are my kid, that will not change

Damian: *nods and takes a deep breath*

Damian: As you are aware, there has been a concerning increase of bats and they have risked disturbing the signals and various memorabilia due to them

Damian: There are more that are flying or stationing themselves around lower to the ground, and I have overheard you and Gordon wondering if they are diseased or rabid.

Bruce, officially lost: hn

Damian: The reason there's been an uptick of bats inside the main part of the cave is due to me feeding and befriending them

Bruce:

Damian: They prefer kiwi and strawberries

[etherealspacejelly]

sometimes you just have to let yourself be a bit neurodivergent.

i hate going out, it gives me a lot of anxiety and sensory input that i dont like, and i am often forced to talk to people.

so i do this thing on more difficult days, or sometimes just for fun, where i "bring a fictional character with me". i walk and imagine Fictional Character walking next to me. they talk to me, reassure me, hype me up, whatever i need them to do.

today dean winchester came christmas shopping with me. he went over the list with me of stuff i needed to get, told me i was doing a good job every time i finished in a certain shop, reminded me to take a deep breath when i got a little overwhelmed.

and yea. its kinda silly. and i know its just me talking to myself in a different voice, but it Works! especially since all of my special interests/hyperfixations tend to be tv/movie related.

so do what you gotta do to Get Shit Done. stop holding yourself to neurotypical standards. if you need Fictional Character to tell you you're doing a good job, do it! if you need Favourite Singer to walk you to school, do it! yea it might feel silly but you're literally fighting against your own brain to get stuff done every single day. you can have a little self indulgent daydream, as a treat.

[almondcroissantsandink]

the punch-in-the-face difference in vibes is so so funny to me

[d4ggerfish]

dnd character design :] !!!

[taraxippos]

I love that I'm can always still find out about cool animals that I never knew existed. Like today I learned that brush-tailed porcupines exist and straight up look like giant rats with spines

[inkskinned]

this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.

good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.

sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.

so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.

one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.

[peachdoxie]

horror is always like oh no they're possessed by a demon well what about possessed by an angel? angelic possession is also horror.

[nonebinary-leftbeef]

DEVASTATING the lyric you've been mishearing is better than the real one

[guinevereslancelot]

it's a beautiful day at the roman senate and you are a horrible goose

[humanjarvis]

you’d been perplexed when sylus had called you in the middle of the day—which was usually his favorite time to rest. 

“can you come to the base, sweetie?” he’d rasped, voice thick with ruined sleep. “i need your help with something.” 

your confusion is all the more reason for you to head to the base. when you arrive, you let yourself in and greet mephisto with a poke on the beak before hurrying to sylus’s bedroom.

“is something wrong?” you breathe, all but barging in. quickly, you scan the room for threats or intruders before your eyes land on the hulking figure in front of you. 

the hulking figure who’s uncharacteristically hunched over his bed, head bent and looking defeated. 

at your voice, he looks up, and you know him well enough to see the relief and slight embarrassment in his ruby eyes. 

“…sylus?” you ask hesitantly, “what’s going on? you should be sleeping right now.” 

“i was asleep,” he agrees with a slow nod. “and then…i ran into a slight problem,” he responds carefully, eyes flitting forlornly to the side of the bed.

curious, you come to stand beside him, placing a hand on his sagging shoulder. it takes a few seconds, but then, you spot it: trapped between the dark oak boards of his bedframe is a small brilliant red gem, glittering slightly in what little sunlight fills the room. 

“are you able to retrieve it?” he asks quietly. “it must have fallen earlier. when you’re not here…i can’t sleep without it.” 

“o…kay?” you reply, your confusion only doubling. taking a moment to study him, you notice the small pout on his face and stroke his slightly mussed hair. “of course i’ll get it. just a sec.” 

a moment later, you’re kneeling down to stick your hand in the bedframe and wiggling your fingers until you feel the crystal’s cool surface. you pull it out in one fluid motion, blow the dust off, and deposit it into sylus’s waiting hand. flashing you a tired, grateful smile, he immediately places it securely under his pillow. 

“there you go!” you chirp, pleased to have helped him. “but…can i ask something? why didn’t you just fish it out yourself?” 

avoiding your gaze, he clears his throat before he speaks.

“…my hands were too big.”

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

i would say that, mentally speaking, i'm in a good place right now! physically of course, the crows continue their chanting,

[monstermonger]

I saw this scene while driving to the shop yesterday and couldn't stop thinking about it ToT

[mythicalcoolkid]

You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side