#but hyperfixation persists

[iceysnow]

Ramen(Rawmen) Suckuna.

[javeldg]

study date (lil timelapse below)

print now available!

[oniomn]

i fucking love this guy

[angelinasnotebooks]

Hate that my form of hyperfixation is consuming and not creating.

I think I've been falling in love with ideas my whole life. I see colors and concepts and characters, and I want every part of the illusion to play around my body and immerse my mind and soul. I thought growing up I would be an artist. When that mentally shattered, I moved on to thinking I would become an author. Now, however, I don't know what or who I'll be. All I know is that my brain never stops coming up with ideas. 

Yet, with all these ideas comes the possibility of creation. It's what I want, isn't it? I want to create these pictures and stories and share them with the world. So, why am I motionless in my pursuit to bring my mind to life? I have a library in my head. There's a girl in there. Her favorite color is blue. She doesn't know if life is worth living. I have an art museum there too. There's a portrait of a dying renegade, and a demon alter ego desiring joy. Then there's the realm of fandoms. The endless multiverse of continuations and alternatives.  

There's a lot going on inside my brain and imagination. Chemicals I do not understand and signals I cannot control. An abundance of beauty only an individual can conjure with their subjectivity. With no outlet for these thoughts and images, I find it all to be too much at times. Wings heavy on my back and flightless under the pressure. The ability to soar is there, but the weight within is burdensome.  

Every day I come up with something new. Some ideas are fresh while others are another line on the loom, but that is all they are. Thoughts. Ideas. Invisible whisps, webs, and wishes. It's as if the only part of my frontal lobe that works is that of imagination and complex thinking. I attempt short stories, painting, studying, chores, school projects, craft projects and I never get them done. Planning, time management, logical reasoning, and decision-making have all taken a backseat. I can't get any of them done, so I turn to what has already been done. 

I rewatch a favorite show. I read another fanfic. I click on a YouTube video and another. I scroll Tumblr. I read character analysis. I try on the clothes in my closet. I add shit to my wish list. I post photos from two months ago on my Instagram. I relate to autistic ADHD tiktokers. I pretend Pinterest will help me get my life together. I think about the MCU. I watch another comfort, crime, haunted, mythical series. I visit my AO3 bookmarks. I doom scroll whatever app I can get my eyes on. I turn thirteen again and either spiral into a depressive state or become infatuated with the Hunger Games--again.

The point is, I can't force my brain to work on the original ideas. Sitting at a desk with supplies doesn't get my hands moving. I fall numb waiting for my body and mind to comply with my intentions. So, I end up here again. Hitting a heart button to let other people know that their commentary and hard work have reached me, and I liked it.  

I don’t want all my ideas and universes to end where they are. I don’t want to minimize or invalidate my existence, or the experiences of others like me, by remaining artistically stagnant. I want my mind to be a visual tangible galaxy free to be roamed and explored. I want to have my heart in my hands, and I want to give it to every single person that I can. I want these thoughts, these precious ideas out of my head and into yours, dear reader. I don't want to consume; I want to create. If I'm going to go down the rabbit hole, I want to be the rabbit. The entrance maker. Not the lost girl I am right now. 

[giddlygoat]

I STILL GOT IT 💯

[greencarnation16]

Okay okay okay

I have made another realization!

When Mycroft and Holmes talk about heroes, lovers and falling, Mycroft says this

Which obviously foreshadows The Final Problem

But the idea of falling presented here is so much more entwined with both the literal dive Holmes almost makes and the figurative fall of his "imago".

In Mycroft's Interlude Mycroft warns his brother against "falling", here in the form of confronting Watson with a reality which might not live up to his idea of Holmes.

Holmes responds he "shall endeavor not to fall". In other words: he will try not to fail in the way Mycroft describes OR he will try to find a way to sustain this intimate relationship with Watson without letting his guard down, ever.

It is this dilemma which returns in The Final Problem Part 9. Holmes is forced to choose between being honest with Watson and showing him his more unpleasant side or leaving Watson with his legendary image.

Then we see him being tempted towards the latter. Ironically, to avoid falling in the opinion of his dearest friend he must fall literally.

He is faced now with two ways to fall. The descend from hero to lover, which Mycroft warned will be risky, and falling from the top of the Reichenbach Falls, which Moriarty is tempting him with, but which is also terrifying him.

Now Holmes must make a choice. Fall in one way to avoid the other. Die a legend to avoid revealing his worst side, or abandon his mythical status as "Sherlock Holmes" and confront Watson as his true, human self.

Eventually he chooses not to fall in the literal sense. And I wonder if it is because he has chosen to fall in the figurative sense instead. We see him being saved by a personification of Watson's love. What if this is Holmes finally letting that love in? Finally letting himself become vulnerable and trusting enough to accept that Watson loves him. Finally leaving the lonely pedestal of 'genius consulting detective' and descending to the status of 'lover of John H. Watson'?

What if this descend is 'the one way out that will not require a sacrifice from either one of us' ?

Watson will not have to sacrifice his love and admiration, because Holmes will be at his side, alive and more receptive than before.

And Holmes will not have to sacrifice his pride, or his life, because, flaws and all, he is still has plenty to live for and plenty to be proud of.

[youchangedmedean]

When the hyperfixation fully takes over

[datastate]

lurien save me. save me lurien.

[blazeeblake]

The inexplicable concern over jinxing things by watching live vs the undisclosable sense of responsibility to be part of the initial viewing audience. Yikes.

[lmanburgseulogy]

I love l’manburg but man. there should’ve been more women.

[autumnalfallingleaves]

I'm trying to rewatch the first season of the WondLa show in preparation for season 2 but the site I'm using keeps stopping to buffer and I'm just ARGH

[sunnibits]

need to draw so bad but exhausted and feel like I’m incapable of drawing anything. pls suggest something to draw that you know will rejuvenate my spirit.

[z0mburger]

ooc ; ive said this before im SURE but gifpost for funsies. my fc for cesare is con.rad vei.dt bc he's the actor OF the character his design is ripped from. moreso when the actor's older bc/ he's young as the role. also if he were dead-er-er. to imagine him outside of the little-cartoon-guy artstyle/universe is SO funny to me

like IN the cartoon i think he is implied to be relatively handsome but he's just so INSANE and his expressions and movements are so freakish it's 0-100

[seeyouonsaturn]

Will you guys still like my ocs if there's no art bc i cannot fucking draw these bitches 😭

[braveasnouns]

more gifs and SSTMB chapter 2 soon i’ve just been busy doing real life stuff booo

[sadiecoocoo]

Rip Peter quill you would’ve loved Fleetwood Mac