#but hopefully this hits the spot
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I have heard rumors abt being able to reply from a side blog, but that magic has still not been granted to me, so pls @paradoxsun know that this:
made me laugh really hard
Kabuto is totally barfing, the epitome of going "this guy? really??"
but this is in a way the finale she oh-so-dryly promised him when they ran into each other ch 16, or the behind-the-scenes of the finale. Kabuto's obsessed with her bc she's like him in how she 'plays the game' so to speak, but she's not like him in the sense that she's self-directed rather than being the toady to some other guy. w Kabuto's big narrative arc in canon being finding his sense of self->she has what he doesn't even know he wants. mariko is a hot mess but no one's pulling her strings. ofc he's fascinated.
but SASUKE??? 😬 well, it's not just him, he comforts himself. the rest of her team, too, most likely, as it seems she's very sentimental.
#I don't have it in me to do a full pov scene#but hopefully this hits the spot#tcba#tcba meta#internet user demands answers
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‣ 2014 -> 2024
#i posted this and then it... disappeared? didnt post? oh well hopefully i dont accidentally double post now#but god i was standing at that spot when i realized it reminded me of something.... so had to take a new screen...#blondieeha isnt real he didnt even have the same name#theyre the same character but Not. yknow?#so much development from the original concept..... although the first screen is only a short while before i changed him#in a way that resembles current ieeha way more (even though i revamped a lot in 2021)#i cant play anymore without nostalgia and memories consuming me i think its the break that did it to me#where i was gone without PC for long enough that coming back felt like being hit by a truck emotionally#anyway..... sobs and cries and squeezes him and holds him#ffxiv#final fantasy xiv#ff14#final fantasy 14#midlander#hyur#ffxiv screenshot#gpose#ffxiv scholar#ffxiv gpose#warrior of light#wol#ffxiv oc#nabaath-areng#ieeha de verral#ieeha
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If I had to choose between cutting off my hand and redoing grad school apps, I'd seriously consider the hand. Be gentle with yourself, it's a fucking slog. What kind of program are you looking into?
Thank you for the reminder to be gentle. This shit has been stressful, and having for various reasons only about a month and a half to actually do focused work on applying has SUCKED. Not looking forward to potentially having to do this again in the future (it's complicated but I'll explain why in a sec), but I am SO looking forward to two weeks from now when these applications are in and it's out of my hands, as much as the waiting game itself sucks in its own way.
As for programs, I don't want to get too specific. I was a double major in undergrad, and I'm not exaggerating when I say I've literally never met anyone else with those two specific majors. (Ftr one is a STEM field and the other in the humanities.) I want to keep studying both in some capacity in the future, but to make a long story short I'm stuck in a position where I have to hold off on applying to the program in the humanities for now.
As annoyed as I am about the 'long story' part of that, I'm totally fine with prioritizing the program in STEM for now. Hell, in some ways that's a good thing given the limited amount of time I have to work on applications. But at the same time, I've greatly limited the number of schools I'm applying to so I can focus on creating well-tailored applications for their specific programs and faculty, and that means each potential rejection would leave me with a far smaller share of options. It's a bit of a risk, but damn it I'm trying my best to show how strong of a student I've been and that I would work well with their specific people. Hopefully things work out in the end.
I hope your own efforts have paid off too, wherever life has taken you.
#it's hitting me now too how badly my undergrad school prepared me for this process#besides a couple of conversations with professors about grad school and jokes about selling your soul to unethical corporations-#- we didn't get told SHIT#i've said it before and i'll say it again but do not go to a rich kid school if you are not a rich kid (this is coming from a non-rich kid)#or at the very least be prepared for people to assume you know the ins and outs of networking and stuff you've never been taught about#i'm not joking when i say the school i went to brags about how many students get job placements soon after graduation#but has next to no actual resources to help students continue their education (esp for minority students) (like myself)#it's so frustrating seeing peers of mine get cushy jobs based on who they know when i'm out here busting my ass bc idk the right people#and god forbid you want to learn more but don't have similar connections in academia! it sucks!#i know my applications' success heavily relies upon letters i'm not allowed to read written for me by professors who can vouch for me#because their names might mean something to someone who might otherwise disregard me despite how ridiculously experienced i am#knowing you're good enough but might get rejected for something that goes beyond you has to be one of the worst feelings#i already have the sneaking suspicion that i won't get accepted to one of my top three schools based on that#and i haven't even submitted my app for them yet#there's so much i hate about higher ed but dammit i still want to learn. that might be the worst part of it all.#i want to keep learning but at the end of the day it's not about what i want. it's what an institution wants FOR me.#but that will not stop me from trying or from fighting for what i want. at least i have that.#anyway sorry for the long-ass ramble and for the delay but hopefully that answers your question sufficiently enough#and hopefully what i've said is useful to someone somewhere who might be in a weird spot like this#ask#answered#anon
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The finished result 😁
#i am not sure but it seems there is some blood trapped in the second skin ovo#hopefully it is just me overthinkinh things :'D#they were very nice - met both the person i got in contact with first and my tattoo artist#and two other peeps who were there to get their piercings checked#the tattoo artist that didnt work on me today seemed so excited for the whole thing she got to see the final result in person#she almost squealed of joy bless her :'D#i will say it was both more and less pain than my other tattoos#there were more sore spots in the first one#but because i am very ticklish on my tummy everytime the needle wasnt on me was almost worse#i will say it was less painfull than the first tattoo (bc there were parts it hit the thin skin under the armpit)#yet more painfull than my second#and i feel like i am walking weird now because i am constantly aware of my left side xD#idk maybe i should have reacted more?#but like with the second one it was really first after a few days or even a week i started really appreciating its existence#i am just babbling now x'D#sorry for the sniffs in the vid btw :'D#micahs foolery
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Probably a good sign when your own fic leaves you shook?
Angst invading my smut again. But our Goth Elf deserves a Gothic romance, methinks.
#state of the wips#this fic won't be for everyone#hopefully for some it hits the spot just right though#uruk daddy
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shoutout to walmart for doing more for my community than the government officials are
#the situation here is being handled so poorly 👍#there was a news article i read that listed everything city officials said they were doing#but have given no evidence or proof of ACTUALLY doing and the article said they would continue reaching out#bc the officials were not responding to them#it took fucking KEMP for us to finally request federal aid#we weren't under a state of emergency until 2 hours AFTER the hurricane hit#i just#its fucking ridiculous#but there are some walmarts providing water hot meals wifi spots charging stations#abd i saw shower and layndry services listed as well ???#while the city gave out water twice in a location that was out of the way for much of the city#during a time when getting gas is a 4+ hour trip#while we're under a curfew#AND they cut our water for 2 days while none of us had power and it was 80-90F outside daily#now we're on a boil advisory#which again so much of the city can't do without POWER#but at least i could shower so long as i was careful jfjsjcj#anyway#yeah. YEAH.#fuck this city fuck our government fuck our mayor#hopefully biden approves our request for assistance and then maybe we can actually get something happening down here#sorry i just#i read about the walmart stuff and remembered all of the nothing happening from our government#and got angry#also i went to one of the water things they did yesterday and ended up just driving home bc the line was SO LONG#and like i get it i do but maybe idk have more than one set up in different areas??#or have it last longer than an hour or two????#idk. idk. im annoyed.#shh ac
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I don't think it's a thing, or at least not as pervasive of a thing as previous iterations of it, but it seems like True Crime Podcasts never really got the full Moral Panic(TM) treatment that other dark/lurid media got in their times.
Like comics were put under the yoke of The CCA, which effectively killed the crime (true or otherwise) genre, because it was believed to be a corrupting force.
Rock music, TTRPGs, and video games got an extra dose of Satanic Influence flavour in their panics, without even necessarily being all that lurid anyway, but especially with HUGE variability in tone and style between works in the same medium - Like KISS and others leaned into the "Ah! We're so strange and scary!" vibe. And several rockers intentionally pushed the boundaries of "acceptable" sexuality and expression for the times, sure. And much of the demonization of rock is rooted in racism because it was developed from African-American music styles (with certain genres, where the influence, and popularity with Black people was more obvious, got hit especially hard because of this). But like, the freaking Beatles were seen as potentially "dangerous" and "unwholesome" (the scandal of it all!) even before they leaned fully into New Age and other general weirdness that I could see as being especially off-putting to the kinds of people that go on these moral crusades.
Violence and any sort of sexual expression/depiction in movies and TV was blamed for corrupting the nation, especially the youth - and to some extent still is. Doubly so for video games.
Computers, the internet, and social media are still seen as direct pipelines of filth into vulnerable minds.
Heck, even Novels were seen as a craze that would drive the women and youths towards inappropriate behaviours, back when they first started being published - Too easy to print and distribute (way more possible for people with ill morals to publish material!), too conviently accessible by anyone - Not needing as careful of handling or storage, and much less likely to get damaged being carried around than previous printing methods; they'd distract from duties and anything could be published in those books, and they'd be easy enough to conceal from disapproving guardians due to how compact they could be
But I can't say that I've really seen much, if any real targeting of True Crime Podcasts with these sorts of accusations in any sort of very visible way. Not even from the usual moral crusader suspects (though I'm sure some of them no doubt are out there railing against the podcasts, because that outrage against everything is what sustains certain kinds of fundamentalists), and certainly not in the mainstream media - The most I think I've seen is a few mild, often self-deprecating, jokes, said with genuine fondness, in a few more trope-savvy works here and there.
And that's despite the presence of many of the crusaders' favourite punching bag traits:
- Lurid subject matter
- Often sensationalized presentation
- New form of media
- Easily consumable by the masses
- Incredibly popular, especially paired with a rapid rise in popularity
- Especially popular among women (who, as we know from previous panics, clearly have such delicate sensibilities and fragile, malleable minds that they absolutely, positively cannot be trusted to make their own decisions about media consumption. CLEARLY.).
I would make a note about it definitely being popular with young women, which it is, sure. But honestly, I'm reasonably certain it's not especially more popular with them than with older audiences. The podcast format specifically may not necessarily be the favourite medium for a older potential audience member, especially compared to a younger potential audience member, but there's plenty of people middle aged and older that happily listen to podcasts. However there is an absolute glut of true crime shows on TV, often marketed towards women. The Investigation Discovery spin-off channel is pretty much all true-crime shows and documentaries (with maybe some Based on a True Story- style dramatizations thrown in for good measure). And even though it's not specifically, explicitly a women-focused channel in the same way, say the Hallmark Channel or Lifetime are, much of their shows formatting and much of the marketing material definitely leans toward targeting and retaining women specifically as an audience. I can remember my grandma contentedly watching the channel all day long. And let's not forget the archetypical "Lifetime Movie" is generally taken to mean a True Crime "It Could Happen to You"-cautionary tale-dramatization.
Heck, even the collection of books inherited by grandma when her mother passed away included a large amount of non-fiction books about "Tracking The Murders of [such-and-such] County" and suchlike. So, no, I don't believe the True Crime fascination is exclusively a young person phenomenon. It's been around in some form for quite a while and maintains its appeal across age demographics.
So, what gives, moral crusaders? Where's your campaigns declaring True Crime Podcasts a danger to society? Where's your press tours? Why don't you have politicians taking the floor in meetings/council/congress/etc., to declare this media to be the scourge of the nation and the latest existential threat to Western Society? Won't SOMEBODY think of the children?!?!
I know we as a society aren't all stuck watching the same news/media sources anymore, and in many ways we're not as beholden to the control/influence of the, often (but not exclusively) Evangelical, Christian institutions that used to really push this stuff as an issue to the forefront of public discourse, but I can't believe that they'd've just completely gone away and stopped trying to force everyone else to adhere to their sense of indignation and live under their moral code.
It's almost as though they're not stirring up as much outrage about this because they found something else they think is a bigger problem and/or stands a better chance of catching on with mainstream audiences.
And... oh.
Oh.
Oh no.
Well.
Shit.
I started writing this ramble upstairs, watching TV with my parents. They've been watching that "Based on a True Story" show. And that's what got me thinking about the pop-cultural niche True Crime Podcasts have found themselves in, and reactions to them compared to reactions to other forms of media that have discussed/depicted violent crimes and other controversial subject matter in the past and present (See also: Only Murders in The Building).
This was supposed to be an all-"Haha, isn't it kinda silly how things are?" little quip about how "Outrage ain't want it used to be". From my very privileged white dude point of view. But I think I stumbled into something here. Something that I might not even be the best person to talk about. So I won't go too in-depth on subjects I'm very much out of my depth on, but, I do kinda wanna get to my conclusion.
So uh...
Yeah, okay.
The Moral Crusaders are busy with other topics.
They've found bigger fish to fry, so to speak.
They're out there railing against favourable and even neutral depictions of queerness in media, especially children's media.
They're out there railing against social justice, racial equity, historical rectification, truth and reconciliation.
They're out there railing against science and education and instilling earnest curiosity in people.
Against secularization, diversity, and inclusivity.
Against correction of their own misinformation and indoctrination.
They put it all under one banner these days, and rail against it all as though it were a conspiracy to deliberately supplant them.
They're too busy crusading against "Wokeness" - Their idea of what that means, anyway.
I don't think it's the only reason there's not a big crusade against True Crime Podcasts, as I've said above, Christian morality has reduced official and unofficial influence in so-called Western society than it did in times past. And there's much better access to resources for getting different information and opinions on a subject than the people immediately around you and whatever the handful of news channels and papers you have access to tell you. That is to say, sources that require very little effort on one's own part. It's a heck of a lot easier to google something or check wikipedia than it would have been to have to trek down to the library and ask if they have any books or journals or magazine or... any sort of information about a subject.
And it's not like their boogeyman of "wokeness" isn't anything new for them to crusade against. They've always complained about it in some form or another - Who could forget the outrage against children's media back in the day?:
"Is Bugs Bunny gay?" "Is Spongebob gay?" "Is Tinky-Winky gay?"; "This book discusses subjects that should only be talked about between a mother and her daughter! It's disgusting!"; "I couldn't let my kids watch anything with magic in it - That's the devil's work! That's why I don't trust these mainstream educational programs!"
In terms of more outrageous complaints about children's media.
That's not to mention complaints about other media - Those expressly intended for adults. Or complaints about progressive actions taken in society in-general. Some of these have typically appealed only to the most vocal of cranks - The kind of things complaining about depicting characters who do un-Christian things in works, or that students are being taught proper sexual education or that vaccination is mandatory for entry into institutions like public schools.
But there's plenty of complaints that don't garner immediate pushback from less-extreme conservatives or even so-called moderates: "Why is there so much diversity in casting these days? Why can't they just make their own shows?", "Why are they coming after that comedian for telling edgy jokes?", "Why are they pushing this global warming crap down our throats so much anyway?"
In "wokeness", they've found something that seems to not only unite everything under one banner, but resonate more strongly with some people than the old canards of "liberal" or "politically correct". Sure, there's always been people who have said those with the same contempt and venom that they use for the truly heinous things of the world. But in co-opting "woke" from the original meaning among Black people expressing solidarity with each other and encouraging others to to remain aware of the social and political issues that definitely, almost-always negatively, affected their lives, the moral crusaders have found something that strikes a nerve with a large swath of people who might otherwise have not agreed that several of their bugbears actually needed opposing. Now, there's a single enemy ideology that pervades all culture-war issues. It's all connected, you see. Something you thought was harmless? No! You see, that's just how they're going to infiltrate your mind! Your childrens' minds! Don't give them any ground at all!
Awareness of an issue was and still is basically the mildest thing to ask of someone else. As a call to action, "Stay Woke" is a pretty small request.
The crusaders make it out as though it's a battle-cry, a command - A decree that all aspects of all things must adhere to the most progressive, indeed, transgressive views, opinions and approaches on all subjects. That this is upending the previously established status quo just for the sake of upending it. And that this interpretation is the one adopted by all powerful entities in society - Government (especially including the education system), mainstream media, big businesses, etc. And that these entities have oppressive reasons in mind to force those beliefs on society. And that dissent against this woke "nonsense" is the objective truth in a world gone mad! It's an imperative to preserve your way of life!
And, uh. No.
Whatever world they're living in where that's actually happening is quite different from our reality, of course.
Honestly, though? It doesn't need to start out seeming like a big conspiracy - Even asking for honest awareness, in good faith, might be enough to infuriate non-crusaders. People don't often voluntarily to entertain the notion that things they do, things they've done, and things done in their name by others, that they continue to benefit from, are indeed "bad" actions.
Because that now feels like a personal attack against them. They're bad people for not pushing back against this. They must be considered complicit. How dare you think that of me!?!
And then, then the crusader-types just need to introduce the notion that this consideration being "demanded" of this otherwise passive group is the result of a slippery slope of this entire progressive, questioning mindset. Acknowledging any part of it means accepting all of the crusaders' hyperbolic claims about what that ideology actually means.
Through the magic of "Wokeness", it's all connected - It's all out to get you.
Where does it end? Didn't you see how they treated that one guy? Surely, he's no monster. If they can go after him for something so harmless, what's stopping them from coming after you next, for something that's probably even more innocuous?
Moral crusaders know the value of a good persecution complex.
It's not just asking you to be aware of how your presence in the world affects it. It's targeting you. Right?! That's surely the point of this is to find a guilty party and punish them! They're going to make you take the fall for this and directly suffer the punishment for it! You can't let that happen!
It's not even as explicit of a line of reasoning as this.
But either way, the moral panic is spreading and the crusaders are getting a bunch more people loudly on-board with their crusade.
They're banning books and calling for show cancellations under the whole banner of "woke ideology".
They're getting their press tours. Speaking with friendly talking-heads to puff themselves up, then going on with people unwilling to challenge their claims in the interest of fairness - And even if the commentators do push back, the crusaders will spin it as "the woke mainstream media trying to suppress our beliefs" and use that as a recruiting tool.
They're getting their politicians going on rants in city council meetings. During campaign rallies. In congressional/legislative sessions. In published opinion pieces.
In judicial rulings.
In enacted legislation.
The crusade continues. In many ways, it's as pervasive and successful as it's ever been.
It's not True Crime Podcasts that have been the subject of a moral panic this time around.
They must not be "woke" enough to bother with.
#ramblings and rantings#culture war#social issues#moral panics#long post#(Don't act so shocked - I gave my blog here that 'Assorted Rantings' title for a reason)#(so the occasional ramble/rant is to be expected right?)#Been in a real write-y mood lately for some reason#hopefully this scans reasonably coherently#this took way longer to write out than I thought it was going to#that first half was basically done#I was already to click 'post' and send it out into the world#but as I was asking that question in that paragraph the answer hit me#and I realized I couldn't avoid discussing the elephant I'd just spotted in the room#that's kind of why it feels at least a little like two separate posts tbh#this was largely off-the-cuff so I am happy to receive any corrections to my interpretation of things#or any hard evidence for or against my assertions
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theres a game that would be sooo up my alley bcus its a big thing ive wanted to play [aka farming simulator with a plague going on] but . i tried the demo and i just dont ? rlly like it ? which absolutely SUCKS bcus it looks so interesting n has such an interesting basis but its just not gelling w me :[
#normally i like a good farming sim . but this one is just not hitting the spots i like#hopefully the upcoming horror esque one wont bounce off me if that one does ill cry#dannie.txt
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found a kdrama (webseries) thats focused around sex ed/positivity for women and its been fun so far but ohhhhh my god the leads current boyfriend is driving me crazyyyyy . and the thing is i KNOW someone who got divorced over this same shit so im like PLEASE BREAK UP RIGHT NOW
#she is hopefully about to but him being here for 3 eps is TOO LONG !!!#DUMP HIS ASS#jordan talks#fanta g spot#hit the spot#its a nc17 rated show so theres some actual sex scenes and nudity .#idk if the vibrators are product placement but it sure is making me wanna buy a new one lmfaooo
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i know atlus said they're not making another mainline etrian odyssey game but if somehow they did i would love a wait button like in labyrinth of refrain/galleria
#I actually like labyrith of refrain's mapping stuff and i like the improvements galleria brought#Tho i didnt like all the backtracking that was dumb#Yeah a wait button would be great#I think the HD ports were really great so idk hopefully they change their minds#Ive only played etrian odyssey 1HD so far but ive been using the wiki for eo1 and its been completely spot on solid#It also makes me apriciate etrian odyssey untold#Cuz wow they changed a lot THATS a remake#As much as i like the HD ports tho....i dont think theyre a very newbie friendly entries lmao#Cuz they have the insane difficulty and are lacking most of the quality of life improvements u would find in a modern eo game#Which i as a fan i like#But someone just starting would want to pick up EOU or maybe EOV#I know eoiv was a lot of ppls first game and i love dearly but it doesnt have the fast walk and the travel is kinda confusing#Still a solid start point tho#Etrian odyssey#Labyrith of refrain#Uhhhh if u like etrian odyssey go play labyrith of refrain or vise versa#Very good game#Galleria is kind of hit or miss so make your own judgement
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#nicolas hague#brett howden#vegas golden knights#hockeyedit#nhl#nhl playoffs 2023#nic hague#I made this for that nic hauge anon!#hopefully this hits the spot a little#my gifs#requested
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i really truly deeply DON’T like malkovich . i don’t even know enough about m.etroid to really put into words why but he needs to stay 2935340456 feet away from samus at all times or i’ll start biting.
#there's like. a line on samus's wiki that really puts me off it's g.esbrhgrhgfghfhgf.#it's just like. it mentions that she was so traumatized about something that she Willingly Put Herself Under His Command Again which.#You know. Kind of makes it sound like he's not extremely good for her.#idk maybe it's just worded weird but it hits a sore spot for me . GO away forever.#gush:{👾}#hopefully i just need to actually erm. playthe games LOL.
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arizona iced tea for 99 cents
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#so back in May when that g5 solar storm hit and the majority of the usa saw the northern lights#it was cloudy here and we didn’t see shit which was extremely disappointing#but we’re under a g4 storm warning for tonight and it’s clear out and there’s a very good chance we’re gonna get to see them hopefully#gonna drive out to a dark spot to try to have a better look#I saw them when I was 12 (33 now omg 🫠) and I really want to see them again cause pretty amazing#my husband has never see them so we’ve got our fingers crossed#we’re in southeastern pa and apparently it was visible here last night too#but tonight’s is supposed to be stronger so#here’s hoping!#very excited to go aurora hunting
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★ observing rafe cameron x reader
summary: you were trying everything to hide the fact that you couldn’t stop staring at rafe, unbeknownst to you - he was secretly hoping you were
a/n: this is a surfer!rafe x shy!reader btw!! also this is like pretty much my first ever fanfic so I have no idea what the fuck I am doing so sorry if this is literal ass 😭 no mention of a fem!reader besides the fact that the womans bathroom gets entered
you felt the heat of the sun on your skin as you stepped out of the twinkie. the soft crash of the distant waves barely audible over the hum of the pogues voices
stepping onto the beach, a surge of excitement hits you. the day you and the pogues have been counting down to all week has finally arrived
you take one final glance into your bag, double-checking for anything you might have forgotten—sunscreen, snacks, a book, and a few other trinkets, satisfied you make your way over to your usual spot ready to take off your tshirt and shorts which hid your swim wear underneath, until you spotted someone out of the corner of your eye
rafe cameron
somehow the kooks had managed to pick the exact same date, place and time to visit the beach as you and your friends
while the others were hastly running towards the water stripping on the way down, paying no attention to the kooks, kie stayed back waiting for you
she was already in her bikini while your clothes weren’t even close to leaving your body and landing on the ground
''you coming?'' she asked, hand on her forehead shielding her from the burning sun
''umm'', taking a quick glance around you searched the beach in a, hopefully, unsuspicious way trying to locate rafe again
glancing down you turned your gaze elsewhere, you hoped the sudden heat entering your body was from the sun and not from the sight of rafe taking his shirt off
''I’ll join you guys later, I’m a little dizzy right now'', you spoke swiftly looking up at her, hoping to not get caught in the little white lie
all though kie nodded, the flicker of confusion in her eyes and a quick look behind you told you all you needed to know
you had never verbally stated your attraction to the him but you were pretty sure almost anybody could’ve guessed with the way you tensed up or seemed quieter and clumsier whenever he was in close proximity
taking off your top and shorts you shot a look over to the pogues who were already splashing and practically drowning each other. you giggled while settling down onto your beach towel before applying sunscreen and laying down on your stomach with a book in hand
even though your book was very interesting, the sight in front of you was much more enticing
rafe was currently riding a pretty common wave, yet you found yourself unable to stop staring
you adjusted your book hoping to hide the fact that you were practically ogling at the cameron boy
he was far enough out that you couldn’t make out the details but you still caught the way his hair stuck to his face, the way his body twisted with the rythm of the wave and the way he… kept turning his head towards you?
it seemed like he was looking for you, looking to see if you were watching him
cheeks burning, you try to push your delusions aside trying to find the passage you were reading earlier
you take another peek at him and by the the time you do, he was already out of the water, walking towards his friends with the biggest fucking grin, beaming with pride and confidence, already seeming to rave about the wave he just rode
hearing jj’s laugh you swiftly adjust and pretend to be reading your book that was definitely more interesting than staring at rafe’s wet body and stupid grin
while jj kept whining about how john b, supposedly, almost drowned him they both settled down on your left, luckily on the side where the kooks were lounging
fortunately he also kept talking which meant you were able to peep right past his face and steal short glances towards rafe
it was almost impossible for you to keep your eyes off of him. it didn’t matter where you would see him, you were always stealing glances or simply staring at him from a distance. others could call this stalking but you liked to call it observing, you liked watching him, but not in a creepy way, more so you were admiring him, he was pretty
you liked his side profile, the way his bangs framed his face, the way his eyes looked in the sun, the way his shirts hung onto his fit body - you noticed the way he was very articulate with his hands, which were always adorned with the same two rings, the way the corner of his lips turned downwards whenever he tried not to smile
noticing him facing you, eyeing your group, the staring quickly stopped
at this point the distance between the two groups was too small for your liking because of course the kooks had to settle down as closely as possible to the pogues - it was somehow impossible for them to keep their distance
given the short distance, whenever you actually were brave enough to look again it seemed like he was meeting your gaze, trying to maintain eye contact
heart beating way too fast and cheeks burning, you turn away from jj trying to initiate a conversation with sarah, who was sitting on your right
after a while of, luckily, managing to keep your head from spinning towards him, to meet his gaze - aside from the occasional looks to jj or john b whenever they were contributing to the conversation - you were desperate to get up, to empty your bladder
you dreaded getting up, fully aware that the beach bar was situated just behind the kooks, it meant walking past rafe and the mere thought of that unnerved you - every step would make you acutely aware of your surroundings, mind racing, until the very thought of moving felt like it might turn your legs into jelly
examining the scene quickly you notice half of the kooks gone, including rafe, they must’ve left when you weren’t looking - you feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders while also immediately feeling a certain misery overtaking you
this unrequited crush was spiraling out of control
strutting over to the bar you take notice of ruthie with another girl sitting at one of the tables and kelce talking to the bartender seeming to be cracking jokes instead of ordering
walking past them you try to keep your gaze relatively low to avoid any sort of interaction. turning into the small hallway of the bar you exhale a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding
the calmness doesn’t last long because as you round the corner to reach the toilets you spot him, standing in front of the mens bathroom, phone in hand and looking quite bored
before you get the chance to look away he lifts his head and notices you, he smiles - you smile back, a very awkward smile
relatively quickly you turn your head away and enter the women’s bathroom. your head becoming a blur, suddenly already washing your hands ready to leave the bathroom
he must’ve left already, right?
''topper are you fucking coming, man?!'', you catch rafe through the door
your plan of immediately leaving and paying him no mind, began to falter two seconds after stepping out of the bathroom
''hey, y/n'', you hear from behind you, shit
you freeze up for a second, caught off guard, before composing yourself and turning around
immediately drawn to him, you couldn’t help but notice the way his hair had dried in quite a messy way, his slightly squinted eyes and the slight smirk splayed across his face
''how are you?'' he questions before you had the chance to greet him back
''I’m doing fine'', you manage to exclaim, nearly tripping over your words before adding the usual ''and you?''
you dig in your mind trying to recall the last time you’d exchanged words beyond the usual "hi" or "hey''
''ditto'',
apparently not completely satisified with your answer, he regards you for a moment, the stare causing a warmth to creep up your neck as you shifted uneasily
''why did your friends leave you all alone over there?'', rafe inquired with a raised brow - a hint of curiosity in his tone, ''they seemed to be enjoying themeselves''
letting out a soft exhale you answer him, attempting to maintain eye contact but faltering almost immediately, ''I wasn’t feeling so good'' was all you manage to muster before adding the word, ''dizzy'' in a rather whispered voice, as you lied through your teeth, hoping he wouldn’t see through it
if he did, he didn’t let on ''are you feeling better now?’'
you nod quickly, meeting his gaze
looking up at him with those almost innocent eyes, he can’t help but offer, ''are you sure? I can get you a glass of water'', an unrecognisable sweetness laced his voice, softening his usual edge
taken aback by his unexpected offer you hesitate before denying his offer by simply shaking your head
he let out a quiet snort, a hint of amusement in his eyes as he watched you struggle to give a simple answer
''what book were you reading?'', he asked, his smirk widening as he leaned further back into the wall, clearly amused at the way the conversation was turning into a playful interrogation, as if he found some strange satisfaction in making you squirm just a little bit
you froze, your mind going blank, searching for the title before realising you genuinely couldn’t remember, maybe because you weren’t actually reading the book
like a savior, topper emerged from the bathroom, a flicker of confusion passing across his face as he scanned the scene before moving past you both, muttering a quiet "let’s go," clearly directed at rafe
for a split second, it looked like frustration crossed rafe’s face, fleeting before you could overthink it, flashing you a smile he pushed himself off the wall and made his way past you
but before he completely disappeared out of view, he turned back with a smirk and called over his shoulder,
''hope you enjoyed the show earlier''
oh
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe x reader#rafe fanfiction#rafe imagine#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#outerbanks rafe#rafe fic#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey#outer banks fanfiction#outer banks x reader#obx x reader#obx#outer banks#outer banks season 4#x reader#fluff#fluff x reader#lexcys ★
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My late night inquiries took me to a Reddit post talking about clinodactyly and autism potentially being linked (was mainly curious if people thought it could be a thing) and someone posted that the curve in their pinky makes it easier to hold their phone, and like I never thought about it because both of mine are curved but I looked down and the way I hold my phone has it resting on the curve of my pinky and it doesn’t slide around
#mind blown#I will say it’s not all great#writing sucks ass and I think always will#and cello was (is hopefully soon) more difficult because my finger curves in to the rest of my hand so to extend I have to phisically move#my hand to hit the note which is annoying if I loose the right spot I end up off tune#yet somehow made it to 4th chair in middle school not a big accomplishment by any means but like it was unexpected I always assumed I wasn’t#good at it cause self confidence issues
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