#i posted this and then it... disappeared? didnt post? oh well hopefully i dont accidentally double post now

[nabaath-areng]

‣ 2014 -> 2024

[b4byb4ts]

ive been gone for SO so long but i think i want to start using this acc as like a but of a diary type thing--

so.. last time i was here i was super deep in my ed and going through a LOT of shit.. since then i accidentally recovered from my ed, not as much mentally but i have gained,,all of the weight i lost back,, i eat pretty "normal" but i still feel incredibly guilty and feel like the "i never want to eat again" type feelings..

i lost one of my closest friends bc of my ed, and though it has completely destroyed me,, honestly it was probably for the best, its part of why i recovered. he told me he didnt think i would ever recover after he tried to force me to and i said i didnt want to, but after that we stopped talking (his choice not mine) and i at first took it as a "okay well im going to get as sick as i possibly can" but then realized that was what he wanted so i instead forced myself to recover fully out of spite as a big "fuck you" to him.. and i even tried to tell him thinking fkr some reason he would care. he didnt. i got a thumbs up and a good luck along with the most like.. "youre a waste of space" type of look ive ever gotten. and it COMPLETELY destroyed me.

moving on... i got a new job at a v popular coffee shop in my town and its absolutely amazing, everyone i work with is absolutely lovely and i just love it so so much.

I also got back with my boyfriend and ive never been happier in a relationship, im absolutely sure that he is "the one" like i trust him more than my own mother and im more comfortable around him than anyone ive ever been with before everything is just so so lovely.

not that everything has been perfect like it sounds though,,, im still not mentally recovered, again, better than before, but still not great,, i constantly crave my ed like i want to relapse so bad i just,, cant for some reason,,?

more on,, health,, mental AND physical,,, i got diagnosed with pretty much a chronic illness, i still dont know the cause for it,, like i have treatment for the symptoms but no clue what the cause is. i got diagnosed with adhd during my ed but that is,, obviously still there,, i just very recently got told by my therapist that she thinks i may be autistic,,, i looked into it and it seems VERY possible which is,, a lot to think about because i have no clue how to tell my parents or if ill even be able to get diagnosed,, plus ive got a TON of shit with my family going on,,, my dad lives in a different state but there's a LOT going on with him which stresses me out,,a lot.

OH one last thing -- i learned to crochet!!! i learned with,,, disordered intentions (i thought if i learn to crochet i will be using my hands more so it will be easier to not eat) but i love it SO SO much, I'll probably be posting a lot abt crochet now because its like,, all i do lmaoo

anyway, thats all ive got for now i think -- hopefully i wont just disappeared again (even though nobody actually reads this-) but if you are reading, thank u so much for actually caring enough to read all of my rambles <3

[shoot-the-oneshot]

Counting the days day 4

Series summary. You go to a friends bachelorette party in Italy and meet the man of your dreams, NOT, you didn’t see the part where you get kidnapped by a gangster on your friends itinerary. How will you handle being thrown into a life of guns and mafias.

Massimo Torricelli x Reader

Series masterlist

slowly unpacking your bags once you reached the hotel room, which you were surprised wasnt shared with Massimo. he told you to meet him for dinner once you were done but you were to wrapped up in your head to care. as far as he needed to know you were taking so long getting ready not sitting on the bed scrolling through your phone. seeing all your friends posting pictures from home making you homesick, and a little jealous. Massimo didnt seem as bad as you thought he was, but he was different.

you agreed to give him a chance but the want to go to dinner at your favorite restaurant near you childhood home, or show him how you used to live, where you worked. was starting to weigh on you. although he probably knew everything there was to know about you on paper, it just didnt feel the same. but since when did dancing with the devil feel normal. one day, you told yourself. the cold tile biting at your feet as you walked to the mirror.

finishing your hair and make up, you didnt know where he was taking you but judging by his house he was a man with good taste, sliding on a black dress you brought with you, sexy but classy seemed like your best bet. your heels clicking against the white marbel floors of the lobby catching his attention. it was easy enough to find him, you were convinced the man stuck out like a sore thumb everywhere he went. his eyes scanning over your body head to toe, silently reaching his hand out for you, leading you to the car waiting outside.

"You look beautiful."

sneaking glances of you from the side of his eye, attempting to look as if you didnt make him nervous. it wasnt like the boy from school that couldnt talk to girls, no, this was more when a man asks a woman to marry him. like everything is riding on every word he says. you don’t know how to feel about that.

you were right, the man liked fancy. walking into the restaurant it was clear he rented out the entire thing, that or he owned the place. rose petals were covering the floor, candels giving the room a romantic glow. his hand was warm as it layed on your lower back guiding you to a table. the resturant was built inside a cave almost, that had an opening with the best view of the ocean you have ever seen. views like this dont make you feel so homesick.

"i spoke to the chef beforehand and planned the meal, hope you don't mind."

he said, gazing at you. while you haven’t taken your eyes off the ocean crashing aginst the cliffs.

"I dont mind, but did he listen to you because you’re a scary gangster, or because you sign his pay checks?"

side eyeing him for his reaction. he chuckels with his deep tone of voice you cant tell if its sarcastic or if he's actually amused.

"This is my newest restaurant , hasnt opened yet i thought you would like it and hopefully the food as well, if i'm lucky you may even enjoy the company."

as he finished plates were set in front of you both, your favorite , he remembered. so the company might not be that horrible.

he spent the entire meal either making you laugh or answering any questions you had while asking some himself. all in all it was an amazing date

He was walking you back to your hotel room, hand on your back once again.

“We have to be at my club in a few hours, be ready.”

Then he just walked away, you were almost upset at that. He went on and on about you giving him a chance, falling in love with him. But when you do he just walks away? Before you had to much time to dwell on it he suddenly stopped, walking back to you with long strides standing barely an inch away. His hand caressing the side of your face as he kisses you hard, showing you his still in charge, as if you didn’t know. Pinning you to the door, his free hand tugging you into him and holding you there. Your breath mixing as he pulls away.

“I had fun tonight, we should do it again.”

Wordlessly nodding your head, still caught up in the breathtaking kiss. He laughed knowingly.

“Glad you agree for once, I have something else planned for tomorrow.”

Taking the key from your hand unlocking the door, pushing it open for you giving you one more kiss before he left.

Two hours later Nico knocked on your door to take you to the club.

“Massimo says you’re giving him a chance now, is that true?”

“Not that a had much of a choice but yes, I did.”

Silence fills that car until the bright flashing lights of the club can be seen. Nico grabs your arm stopping your from getting out.

“Y/n it’s not just our crew here, it’s.....business partners you could say, so don’t pull anything, please I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m not stupid I’ll stay as far away as possible.”

Pushing pash the bodies in the club, you didn’t know where you were going just following Domenico who points you to a bar top table in VIP while he goes to a private room with two bodyguard on either side of the door. You and Massimo lock eyes briefly through the open door. Looking below to the ground floor, people dancing and drinking without a care in the world, like you and your friends were only days before.

Tensing when arms wrapped around your waist, relaxing as you saw the familiar tattooed hands.

“Are you trying to catch every mans attention with that dress?”

He harshly whispered in your ear, his grip tightening. Smirking you turn to face him. Now cornered between the railing and his large figure. His hair messier then last time you saw him.

“Got your attention at least.”

“And unwanted attention,”

He spoke looking at all the men staring at you, the smart ones averting their gaze as they locked eyes with Massimo.

“Just stay here, Domenico and I will be watching.”

Planting a quick peck to your forehead squeezing your ass, no doubt to show his ownership to those that didn’t get the hint.

“Said every stalker ever.” You mumbled, watching him disappear through the door. After watching mobster after mobster filtering in and out for what felt like hours. You knew if you accidentally crossed paths with a different mob they wouldn’t take your back talk as Massimo does. So it’s probably best to distance yourself. As you were trying to make it out of VIP someone pulls you back by a rough grip on your wrist. Not reacting thinking it was Massimo who was angry at your departure until you turned around seeing a unfamiliar face.

“Where are you going sweetheart? The party is this way.”

The stranger says, yanking your arm making you fall into him.

“Let me go!”

Trying to push him away proving futile as he over powers you, practically dragging you through the lounge. “Oh you’re a fighter, they’ll love that.”

Tossing you onto the heavily guarded room. Scraping your knees on the rough carpet. Cringing as the man yells out.

“Look what found, remember finders keepers boys!”

Pulling your hair to force your head up to show his prize, unintentionally making you lock eyes with Massimo, who launched to action the second he recognized you.

Jumping to his feet guns pointing in every direction as other members joined in. Keeping your head down. Now you understand when people say ‘it happened to fast’ You hardly noticed Nico dragging you out over all the yells and gun shots. Only coming back down to earth when he yells at the driver to go to some address and started shaking you.

“Y/n, what happened? Are you okay, Y/n!”

“If fine, uh, I didn’t like being so close I was trying to go to to main floor when he grabbed me. I’m sorry Domenico I didn’t mean-“

“No Y/n that wasn’t your fault!”

He interrupted, cutting off you self blame. Soothingly rubbing your back as you pulled your knees up wrapping your arms around them.

“Massimo’s gonna kill me.”

Series tag list: @calirindo @salvatorecan-wait @mjaudrey @omgsuperstarg