#but hopefully after my break as well
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I wish I could just like instantly beam a thought onto here bc im thinking of so many complex layered ideas with no clue how to explain them succinctly. Well.
#lycheeposting#tjong and ivrel and violence and intimacy#ivrel and yasha and death and faith...#mery and odd and [redacted] well that one i cant talk about here anyways#all the stuff about aloysius as funny and also plainly downright evil he is im afraid i must admit hes very interesting#zee developments?? theyre in progress but i think they might be too spoilery#also the spiral lore thing i still need to finish. kinda wrestling with it rn trying to make it make as much sense as possible#i guess let me know if any of the above youre particularly interested in. bc then id try harder to actually write it out 🫡#much happening in my little fruit brain rn + im trying to be more active here at least while im taking a break from insta#but hopefully after my break as well
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LOOK AT THE BOI!!!! THEY JUST ANNOUNCED IT!!!
I KNOWWWWWWW HE'S SO CUTE I NEED HIM IN MY HOUSE. BITING HIM BITING HIM BITING HIM
#and howdy's ad was so fucking funny#top tier advertisement im Sold#i love how he straight up Lies....#BUT ANYWAY WALLY PLUSH WALLY PLUSH#he looks so polite and sweet#illegal.... illegal!!!#i hope im able to get him!#im still not 100% sure of what my address will be in a month!#so im holding off on buying him since makeship doesnt ship out their stuff for a While after purchase#he's available for 21 days right???#im reading the countdown correctly??? im always worried im Not!#im very bad at reading numbers & quantifying time!#i also have a (very) low level migraine so im not entirely trusting that im seeing things correctly!#but oughhhhhh if i dont get him im gonna be Devastated#rambles from the bog#maybe later ill print out the worksheet to manually write out the 10% off code#some enrichment for myself... a Treat#NOOOO WAIT FUCK I JUST PACKED MY COLORED PENCILS#god damn it. will the suffering never end. can i catch One break please#well either way ill get him. maybe. hopefully#i can spare 30 bucks i think maybe.... well i kinda cant but im gonna spend it anyway#limited wally limited wally#i think i have enough time to learn what address to send him to#a present for future me!
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hmmmmm what could this be 🤔
#author posting#previews#kind of#anyway 2k is barreling ever closer#so i've been warming up by working on something special#really hoping to make some big progress this week#after a mini break this weekend to try and refresh my brain#anyway i'll get to some asks over the next few days#and hopefully a full devlog soonish#i hope everyone is doing well!!
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hi guys i was in an accident and had to be in the hospital for a while but im home now
#stressful bday month but we r back hello#had to get some meds out of my system but im alright now#my surgeries went well and physically my injuries r like a bad bike accident but ye nothing bad my face is fine now too mostly#got bumped to the side and broke my face and arm#something w my hip but it healed itself didnt break or smn#school on pause dont have to go so ill have time to relax anyway#reblogged some stuff in the hospital too which is funny bc i don’t remember when or that i did it after the accident but i remember#actually doing it#hopefully i can put this whole experience behind me now#i have some therapy recommended but thats understandable#it was worse than what im describing rn but i dont remember anyway it was just rough as a whole#my memories sorrounding it r vague and little but thats normal#acute stress phase but i think we avoided it becoming ptsd#i survived and thats what matters#shout out to the doctors that saved me#mostly from drowning in blood
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here, have an excerpt of this mishanks fic that i just got back into writing (i wrote a lot of it back in feb). it's a bonded dreams au, but they don't realize for a long time that it's really them haha. :)) they are 11 and 15 in this snippet, and shanks is a lil hawkeyes fanboy. 🦅🗡
#rei rambles#rei writes#mishanks#akataka#so much of this fic is just meandering cuz i wrote a lot of it when i was occupying myself on planes or in airports#so like. if i had to draw the tension of this fic as a graph it'd basically be a straight line lmao. no tension only vibes.#but it's so much longer than im used to my fics being.#anyways i suppose i could use a distraction from worrying about my hand as well.#my doc apt is next week so im trying to save drawing for my most mandatory deadlines.#i already took last week off hoping it was just a one-time strain thing but my hand complained so loud after my draeing sesh yesterday 😭😭#so on break it is! hopefully whatever it is is manageable and i can still draw everything i want to when i want to 🥲🥲🥲
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some verlaine doodles bc i hate him (affectionately)
#hes so pretty#well pre sb anyways#i think he'd be very scruffy after living in the basement#oo maybe i draw that tmmr#it'd be fun#also i sry i haven't been here as much school is trying to kill me 😭😭#its taking all my effort to keep my A this is getting ridiculus#arrg anyways hopefully ill get to draw more cuz thanksgiving break#anyways#bsd#bsd verlaine#night does art
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2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)
#ctxt#i'm on medication that's reduced my post-hysterectomy pain by about 70%#i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections#to hopefully finally recover as completely as possible from the nightmarish neuropathy that's plagued me since uuuhhhh#going on 2 years ago. holy shit. genuinely can't believe i've been surviving & functioning as well as i have for this long#while suffering a disabling & extremely painful surgical complication. fuck my original surgeon for brushing me off during that time#but the new provider i'm working with is so responsive & thorough in her approach & seems genuinely committed#to helping me finally get relief after all this time. she listens to my feedback & is flexible in her approach#and her assistant is a great communicator who's been handling most of the logistics of care coordination for me#and what a huge fucking relief that is. to not have to drag my doctors kicking & screaming towards maybe treating me eventually#i wanna cry. i finally feel like i'm being taken seriously and cared for. and i'm not BETTER yet (might never be the same as i was pre-op)#but i actually feel optimistic for the first time in over a year that i won't just have to deal with this agonizing pain on my own forever#i might actually see enough improvement that i can start to get back to living my life instead of just surviving it#money is tighter than it's been since i got laid off during early pandemic and that's stressing me out#but i promised myself that i would put my health first in 2024 and that means only working the bare minimum needed to pay my bills for now#genuinely i so fucking needed a break. i felt like i was trying to swim through a meat grinder last year#and it wasn't until i ended up in the ER about it that i finally was able to take my own pain seriously enough#to put my foot down & make some necessary changes that are now letting me focus on Getting Well With Myself at last#in hindsight it's like. really freaking me out how thoroughly i was able to compartmentalize & dissociate from how miserable i was#bc nobody who had the ability to help me would take me seriously & my shitty boss was like. extremely textbook emotionally abusive#and on one hand that was a survival mechanism that kept me on my feet during one of the worst times of my life. so props to myself there#but it was also very maladaptive how long & unnecessarily it went on before i snapped out of it & escalated things for my own safety#it was the same helpless frustration i often felt as a kid of like 'well nobody is on my side but me so i gotta suck it up & help myself'#and i think the family trauma shit that was going on last year definitely contributed to that. idk sense of doubling across time?#and things had to get Extremely Bad before they were bad enough for me to realize that although i felt like it#i am no longer an isolated & parentified island of a child who is beholden to the whims of ignorant & indifferent adults#i actually can and should take action to advocate for myself bc i am an adult and i CAN now change my circumstances as needed#instead of just enduring them as if i'm stuck there with no agency or chance to change things#and i have a really solid support system who helped me feel like it was possible to stand up for myself to get the help i desperately need#chronic blogging
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DANI HAINES x CARLOS OLIVEIRA / template.
#mine.#pair: dani x carlos#oc: dani#click for better quality as always ♡#so um i meant to post this the same time as the claire on last year but just completely forgot then found out i lost my psd so oops#i wanted to do like a stencil or army font for their names but also wanted that handwriting look so the letters overlapped...aughgh#gave up on looking for pics of carlos' face model as well i'm so sorry like there were none with his long hair and the ones from cosplay#they weren't hd or big enough so i was like whateva i'll use this pic that kinda looks real anyways 🤷#anyways yes dani has falling in love with her friends disease. she's so real for that actually#and there's something going on in my brain chemistry seeing dani be the one with two partners yet she's the jealous one...inchresting#again i'm fighting for my life with the new html text editor so hopefully this posts properly...i think the ewskers family tree#posted fine but also that one was a bit more complicated with the read more and line break pics...but omg trying to use gradient text#now...so yes anyways here are my other beloveds !! if i notice an error after posting this i'll blow up cause the new editor makes it harde#to do literally everything lmaoo i hate it sm
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for once im actually working on the next part immediately...????
#rant in tags#no this doesnt mean im gonna... finish it soon but hopefully it means i also dont take another year long break 😭#did a lot of brainstorming with chewy (me talking rubbish at him and him being like 👍)#uhhhhhh hopefully i know what I'm doing cause. part 4 just felt a bit boring imo#need to tie things togetha#BUT! part 5 is the end of the story not the end of miles and reader's interactions that will be in the epilogue#cause aint no love is actually an Introductory story to a bigger story i had in my head but im not sure if ill ever really write it#so right now its just a standalone#i want to work on other things. had a hobie series in mind but its not x reader so idk if itll do well but it doesnt matter#cause writing is all about having fun#though ill still write x reader stuff probably just in one shots or after that#but yeah#vee chats
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ONE MORE PARAGRAPH AND THEN IM FREEEEEEEEEEE (kinda)
#i still have to write figure legends and do the citations#but figure legends hopefully wont be too bad once the main text is written#and the citations are. well. they are what they are#at least all the reading is done i just have to get the library set up and figure out what goes where#its annoying but at least i can listen to music again while im doing it#but the writing. this last paragraph. the end is so close and yet so far#i need to juice another. idk. probably 400 words out of my brain and then im done.#i get to send it off to my advisor and wait for edits#or. hopefully. hopefully she doesnt just tell me 'write it better' again#as it is we are at 9 full pages of DENSE text. like 3 line breaks per page dense#and yeah sure 2 of those pages are methods section stuff that my old coworker wrote#but like. girl there are so many words. so many. i am pressing my brain into the juicer and getting only dust#please. please. just a few more drops of juice. thats all i need just a little more juice#oh god and then i have to write my dissertation after this......
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i wanna crack down on violent sun ch. 16 sooo bad but work is eating me ALIVE . i love my job but cut a girl some slack !! there's gay people i need to write about !!!
#i'm not Nearly as far as i'd like to be into writing ch. 16 by now uugghhghhh#aaauauuauugghh and i've been using my spare days to draw mostly too#sigh. oh well#at least i have a 4 day break coming up after tomorrow#hopefully i'll grasp the motivation then >:]
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Ended up going to a wake today, begged my family not to leave me alone (bc the last time I saw any of the people there I was a literal child), and what did they do the first chance they got? Left my ass alone.
#I mean they dipped tf outta there.#we viewed the body today and made our way to the family to express condolences#and I hear my mom go 'I'm outta here.'#I'm stuck mid-handshake and when I turn around both her and my grandma are gone#so I have to shuffle down the line of people who've never attempted to speak to me and offer my condolences#WITH NO GUIDANCE. cuz the last time I went to a wake I was like... 6.#super awful experience for me. I mean it could've been worse. and in some ways it was.#but I got through it as best as I could. I'll hopefully never see any of those people again.#I did almost break down in the lobby cuz I was so overwhelmed after that. but I held it together#I did not know the lady well enough to be showing tears. I know exactly what the gossip would've been had I done that.
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I will say while I've loved most of elden ring I'm really glad I'm down to just 2 more main boss fights (malenia + maliketh) before I start the endgame boss fights... whew 😮💨
#really gorgeous world but frankly its unnecessarily long. theyre gonna kill me for saying that but its true..#some areas/bosses just become overly repetitive when the game is THAT massive like its unavoidable#they tried rly hard to distinguish every area + honestly its a great effort but it couldve been half the size and just as good#like i just did the elphael ulcerative tree spirit bc i wanted to finish millicents questline. and come on man we didnt need another one#the design is sick + loooove the animation. but its a bad fight not bc of the difficulty but bc its janky as hell#lock on doesnt work properly bc of its size and the way it moves. u cant see shit on ur screen fighting them melee its just hack n slash#and theyre always in the most dogshit arenas possible for them like spaces w no maneuverability. its just not fuuuun#especially after youve fought 5 or 6 already earlier on in the game..#and its cool to have variations like the scarlet rot ones but we already HAD one of those just before lake of rot!! the gimmicks worn off#i did everything except maliketh in farum azula today as well and again. it didnt need to be that long. killing beastmen gets boring#after like the first 20 combat is just mashing buttons.. even the platforming is getting dull bc ive done 120 hours of it now#and theres only so many combinations of ladders and hallways and so on that u can possibly cram in here..#i say all this with fondness like i truly do love it. but it couldve been a lot tighter! regardless ill still 100% complete it#and i get most ppl dont try to get every single armament and talisman etc so they probably dont waste time FULLY exploring like i am#ahhh. anyway ill probably do malenia and maliketh tmr bc im right outside both of their arenas. and then call it quits this weekend#ill get my first ending next weekend probably... and hopefully by june ill have 100% and then i can play something else 😭#ik the dlc comes out in june but ill probably take a month or two break before i get to that#it doesnt even neeeed a dlc.......its excessive as it is just make a new game by this point ahhhhh#anyway its like 1am i need to SLEEP. i said i would go out to watch for northern lights but its overcast and im tired and my roommate#didnt wanna come with.. so i was gonna go to bed early instead but i guess that didnt happen lol#gonna feel like shit tomorrow bc i have to be up early to take my meds and she'll wake me up anyway.. but cross that bridge#typing is getting difficult bc im so sleepy okay goodnight everyone#.diaries
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I've been following that AITA blog for a bit now and it has me thinking about my own life situations with conflict and drama. A passive "do I have anything I could submit to that blog?" But upon thinking about it, it's like... I really find no value in asking strangers whether I'm "the asshole" in situations. There are situations where I'm clearly not at fault, situations where I was a little shit but it was justified, and at least one situation where I have a definite "Oh yeah, I was definitely the asshole there". All in the past, so it's not like I'd even need advice or anything. I already know, so what's the point?
Maybe it stems from me being a generally self-aware and self-confident kind of person. I know what's going on with myself, know when I've wronged people, & I have a mentality of "well, I'll try to not do that in the future." Even if I feel a little guilty thinking back, what's the point of asking after something when I know I'm at fault? Or situations where things were complicated and both people had fault in things, but I know I wasn't being shitty on purpose & that's what matters to me. Ultimately, it results in a bunch of strangers drawing conclusions about things I really don't care about outside input on.
Still love reading the blog tho. There's something about reading up on random people's life drama that satisfies that gossipmonger soul in me So well.
#speculation nation#i think the most blatantly YTA thing id get is when i ghosted that guy i was seeing back when i was 20 or so#wasnt ever actually dating but i made it sound like i would. very much led him on.#then realized i just wasnt into cishet guys At All and dropped him out of nowhere bc i was 20 and didnt know how to deal with feelings#objectively it was a pretty awful thing for me to do. and i feel bad that i did it.#have i ever tried to reach out and apologize tho? no lmao#it happened so long ago now i feel like itd bring more animosity than relief anyways.#id like to think ive learned from it tho. Dont Date People Just For The Hell Of It.#god it rly is my romantic history where im the biggest asshole. my prior girlfriend too#i do feel bad about that. i never meant to hurt her but that sure is what i did.#it was better to break it off when i did. wouldve been better had i did it earlier but oh well.#then as a teenager and my whole fucked up romance life then...#but NO LONGER!!!!!!!! hopefully lol. im rly into my current girlfriend and after my last one ive been dedicated to. not do that again.#cant date people just because im bored. that's never ended well for me.#i learned my lesson this time for SURE!!!!!#anyways yea id say more constently id be The Asshole in these situations. but im only human man it happens.#other situations it's usually just fucked up situations with me being a toxic little shit in response bc it's all i knew.#idk. community voting doesnt matter to me. learning from my prior mistakes and shortcomings is what matters to me.#it's interesting to see the blog tho. people are insecure about some of the most trivial things sometimes...
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replying to ao2 comments from 2019. hope my old readers know i am not dead i just got a gf
#and also a flourishing social life. two things i did not have from the ages of 0-20#-‘hw anyway i updated my ao5 bio to clarify things. hopefully this clarifies things#finished watching love between fairy and demon today and it pissed my mom and i the hell off#well my mom less but i am seething why is chang heng’s older brother not Behind Bars. i will personally Suck his toes off#also convenient no deaths for real trope coming back again and again. anyway#i am also unfortunately on a kpop boy group roll after resisting urges for five years#fuck it it’s winter break we ball#once the spring semester starts up in two weeks it’s Over for me. just you wait and see#once again i have taken on too many dance related commitments. but you know what. i can do Push ups now#like all the way down full push ups. so was it worth it in the end? the separated pelvis? the suffering?#yeah. fuck it we ball#life updates
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...
#feelin weird. feelin real weird. in a bad way? no i guess not but more like im a haha wtf is happening here?#like i should maybe track my mood just so i can be like wtf is this? more bc i think its interesting#bc like i mean im spending ~11hrs in the lab and the stress has been real high and ive not been sleeping well#but like currently? i feel like i wanna run a mile. like i wanna run around in circles and scream and laugh until i cry#too much energy. too much energy. but y? where is it coming from? its weird#its like the edge of a headache. the cusp of turning. it doesn't quite feel bad yet but like i woke up at 4#and was insane until 6 when i had to get up and then i was in the lab all day until 6.30#and immediately i went for a run like empty stomach. i need to run now. and i still feel like that. like i need to run and run and run#but like y am i not exhausted? im not even tired? im vibrating#i watched the new successi0n episode twice and im losing my mind abt it#so its weird and i dont understand. but its not bad. it feels out of control like it feels fucked up but im not being like irradic#like if i was standing beside someone i dont think theyd notice. except maybe my sister bc i think if i talked id be noticeable#energetic. idk maybe im just exhausted and brain is pumping me with stress hormones so i csnt stop but i also csnt feel it#but i suspect its something to do with estrogen and progesterone levels changing which isnt great bc ive got a cycle that borders being#concerningly short but like idk rn its fun. im sure itll break and ill split apart but rn everything feels hilarious#its also weird bc im always like: y do i have so much energy after i dont sleep? is not sleeping thr answer. and today i was like hm#maybe i cant sleep bc i have too much energy. hm. idk its not bad. it doesn't feel bad#it just feels interesting and notable so im noting it. weird stuff. hopefully it pulls me thru tomorrow#bc my back fucking hurts lmao and its monday so ppl r back in the lab as i stand around for 11 hours#unrelated
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