#but honestly it was such a fever dream that i dont think it matters that much

[cloverlink]

/chin on hands I would like to hear about Jak X and why it's your favorite! If you're up for it/don't mind.

OMG YES *OPENS PANDORA'S BOX*

sO I played this game when I was like 8-9-10 y/o. I met the saga through The Lost Frontier lmao but my English was very bad so I couldn't play much of the game and sent my dad to change it. iirc, the game he came back with was Jak X, if not then I got it another time I went to the store and said "surprise me".

since I had tried googling about TLF to help me pass the game, I got familiarized with the rest of the games as well. I had a (very) vague idea of the story through amvs and fanmade content. so then I got to play the game, the story was much shorter cuz it was only one game, and the playing mechanics were basically Mario kart (which I had played a lot previously) so I had a way easier time understanding things. I guess that made me closer to this game in particular. Also I asked the store for the main trilogy but they could never get them.

Plus I actually replayed it a dozen times cause of the fucking save file corruption bug, it was years of frustration cause I could never reach the end of the game without losing my progress. I eventually got a second memory card and tried again, this time with a strategy of cloning the save on each card. But by that time I had already watched the cutscenes on YouTube cause I genuinely thought I could never do it on my own. Still, getting to finish the game was like a life goal being achieved

Tldr years long frustration + learning to like bad guys lmao

NOW since I was a small kid I haTED Mizo's crew with a passion cause they were evil bad guys and that was all I could see. I had a special hate spot for Razer and UR-86. And the fact that I couldn't beat the game felt like they were winning against me and I was failing to save Jak's team from the poison. But then puberty hit and I admitted to myself that I had a crush on Razer LMAO and I became Mizo's crew #1 fanboy. Before I realized I was thinking of backstories, headcanons, ships, self inserting myself on the team or as their rival who ends up warming up to them

I got to play the other games when I was 15 (it was around this time that I got to beat Jak x too) and that made me appreciate X even more because they really didn't need to go THAT HARD yet they did!!! and I'm so glad!!!! It gave us more time with Jak + a different side to him, a lot of depth in world building, character development for Keira (I had very protective parents so I feel her) AND THEY FINALLY KISSED OMG TOOK YOU BOTH DUMMIES LONG ENOUGH + that plot wist with GT and then the Rayn one at the very end holy shit

IT'S JUST SUCH A MASTERPIECE SORRY THIS IS SO LONG

now a lil on my love for the baddies: we get literally zero stuff from them except for Mizo's daddy issues and Razer's sassyness so this part is mostly me going full delulu. Most of my attention at first was on Razer obviously and I always love/hated him, I feel like I wouldn't stand him but God he's so cool. Then one day I randomly started adoring Shiv?? I just thought he'd be such a chill guy and started picturing us as besties??? Edge I feel would be Shiv's kinda close friend, we see them together most of the time they have in X after all. And then Cutter's the most reserved one, I picture him being actually really sweet but you Have To Get There.

Now I need to draw my self insert so bad omgggg

Also I can recite the Spanish version of the opening scene by heart

OK THAT GOT LONG ENOUGH thank you so much for asking I loved writing all this and would love to hear your thoughts on the game (⁠ʃ⁠ƪ⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠）

[incohorace]

hi jem tbis is random but I'm reading a really bad book today (it's so fun) n now I'm like thinking ab books so. what r some books u love?:0 im goinf 2 steal recs from u

HI YES SORRY I TOOK A WHILE TO ANSWER BUT I DO HAVE RECS OF VARYING STYLES SO YOU CAN PICK WHATEVER APPEALS

all the crooked saints by maggie stiefvater (if you read anything from the list make it this book. oh my god. i dont think i can describe it but its incredible and funny and warm and utterly unique and stiefvaters writing style is wonderful. magical realism and weird christianity (?) stuff going on. like a fever dream except not really.)

melmoth by sarah perry (supernatural gothic novel published in 2022 and playing VERY heavily on gothic tropes; stunningly written but a heavy read so dont pick it unless youre in the right headspace to cry your eyes out over various horrifying atrocities)

the well of loneliness by radclyffe hall (a lesbian novel written in the 1920s in which the main character can very clearly be interpreted as transmasc!! the reason for this is that its based on the karl heinrich ulrich theory of sexology which suggests that gay love is natural because gay men are just female psyches in male bodies but its still a very interesting novel and radclyffe hall was herself wlw and gnc. the prose style reads like it was written 30 years before it actually was and often the characters are melodramatic and insufferable but its wonderful anyway)

rebecca by daphne du maurier (SO GOOD. modern gothic & ghostly but with a psychological spin)

the his dark materials series by philip pullman (i dont even know what to say about this one. shaped me as a person. themes of christianity and the church. objectively incredible series)

david copperfield by charles dickens (so so charming and wonderfully written. took me like a month to read. my fav dickens is still a tale of two cities but this one is more light-hearted.)

super-infinite by katherine rundell (JOHN DONNE BIOGRAPHY!!!! but its so enchanting and warm and honestly not at all difficult to read like its barely non-fiction. rundell is a childrens author who wrote some of my fav books when i was younger and you can really feel that lovely writing style in this biography)

a fatal thing happened on the way to the forum by emma southon (non-fiction book about ancient roman attitudes to murder!! SO funny and easy to read and genuinely gripping and while it deals with specific subject matter it still gives you a pretty good understanding of the entirety of roman history which is pretty good)

um yeah i think thats it <3

[spooxbeatz]

1! 29! and 58!

Ooo you picked some good ones 😁

1) Top 10 favorite songs of all time

[ IN NO ORDER ]

Movements - Dailily

Movements - Fever Dream

Emmure - We Were Just Kids

Emmure - E

Metallica - Orion

Metallica - One

Metallica - Seek & Destroy

LXST - Last Time

Notorious BIG - Who Shot Ya

Couldnt pick the last one but any song by A Tribe Called Quest…im super big on old school hip hop / funk / soul but also enjoy switching to metalcore, punk, hyperpop, midwest emo, grunge, and even EDM.

29) A song that reminds me of a loved one

Puño de Tierra by Ariel Camacho, reminds me of being back home in Mexico, in my ( biological dad’s ) grandpa’s party store. He was the closest thing i ever had to a father figure growing up, matter of fact he’s the reason i’m even here in the States. I fucking cried my little heart out when i learned he died. Miss you everyday gramps..one of the bars in the song goes “ the day i die, i cant take anything with me, so enjoy life, because it can change in an instant, whatever happened in this world only memories remain, when i die all i’m taking with me is a handfull of dirt ” brings a tear to my eyes everytime..

58) Do I judge people based on their music preferences?

NO. I dont judge people regardless. I DJ and make music so in order for me to get bookings i have to have an open music catalog, and i think honestly thats the best way to be, just be open minded. You never know you could come across ALOT of underrated and underappreciated talent out there, but if you limit yourself to one type of music style, you’ll limit yourself to what you can find.

[del1ghted]

I just found your blog and really love your modern Xiao and Childe! would you maybe do some for Albedo or Diluc? :)

mhm of course !!

short modern au diluc & albedo relationship headcanons

pairings: diluc x reader, albedo x reader

warnings: none

fandom: genshin impact

gender neutral pronouns used as always !

-

diluc

-> diluc is rich and rather well known around town, so i don’t think he’d be into public restaurant dates since too many people come up to him with questions about him or your relationship. he’d rather have a fancy meal at home with just the two of you, completely relaxed with the fireplace flickering in the background.

-> an absolute pro at cooking. despite him having adelinde and countless other maids at his disposal he prefers to be independent and be able to do things for himself. he tells you about the summer when he was younger how he desired to be a chef, which led to him learning and trying to perfect countless of dishes until the dream wore itself out. the recipes he favored the most he knows by heart and has you try them.

-> allows you and only you to braid and try different styles on him since he has a lot of hair, although he doesn’t have the courage to leave the comfort of his room with them unless you reassure him that he doesn't look ridiculous.

-> he can barely contain a soft smile if you show up during his shift at angel's share; if you agreed to hide your relationship for the sake of privacy it's pretty much useless since rumors spread regardless, no matter how hard diluc tries he can't stop how fond he looks when he sees you.

-> rants about his adoptive younger brother kaeya often. it's honestly a little endearing to see diluc riled up every once and awhile; losing his 'gentleman composure' in favor of smacking kaeya on the head occasionally. his jealousy stems from seeing you two together, while kaeya might have a naturally flirtatious personality he gets a little insecure if you get along really well with him.

-> this man goes above and beyond for anniversaries. he doesn't post much if not at all on social media but on special days he can't help but want to share how much he loves you with the world. diluc would book the fanciest places and have a little weekend get-away for just the two of you.

-> finds it adorable when you wear his coat, will subtly hand it to you more often under the guise that "it's cold."

"oh it's fine diluc i brought a jacke-"

"mine's better."

-> if you're bedridden with a fever he knows exactly what to do! used to taking care of himself and his brother while his dad was busy, adelinde also helps with providing medicine and soups that'll help with your headache. gives you his favorite brand of grape juice and light scented candles around your room to make you feel comfortable.

-

albedo

-> this boy's favorite thing to do is draw you. seriously- he keeps a separate sketchbook entirely dedicated to you because he can't get enough. it starts when he's at a cafe, mindlessly doodling over his notes when he realizes he's sketching out the beginnings of your face. he feels a little flustered but doesn't erase it because admittedly, he likes the drawing a lot.

-> not too good at expressing his love with words, so he'll reach down and lace your fingers together without explanation while recalling the results of an experiment.

-> loves museum, library, and study dates ! his favorite place to kiss you is against a shelf hidden away in the corner of the local bookstore - cupping your face oh so gently as he compliments your features.

-> a bit short tempered with others if he hasn't seen you all day; melts in your arms once he sees you and heaves a long sigh, complaining about everything that annoyed him that evening as you brush his hair back.

-> the slightest bit shy talking about his interests for long, thinks he's annoying you and may retreat just a bit once he realizes he's talked all evening. please tell him you adore hearing him speak about what he likes, his eyes will light up!!

“ah.. i apologize, i didn’t mean to continue for that long.”

“no no it’s alright! please continue i’m interested!”

“oh....okay then” :)

-> as said in his voicelines albedo thinks relationships are taxing because of the effort of maintaining it. his love language comes in quality time above all else, finding it much easier to stay in your presence. he’ll feel comfortable even if there’s no conversation going—you being there is enough.

-> if you’re an affectionate person he honestly might get a little spoiled and drunk off that love. good luck trying to leave bed in the morning, he’ll tug you down and wrap his arms around you stubbornly.

-> was never a morning person, the urge to stay in bed all the time only increases when he’s bundled up with you. despite his desire to never leave the comfort of the sheets, he brings you breakfast with your desired drink after you both get up.

-

A/N: i hope i gave you what you were looking for ! thank you for requesting !!

... i had to add sibling kaeya cameo because we dont get soft kaeya and dilic in canon sigh >:[

[wisp-exe]

yes i did post the first two already but i added some changes and added more tapes

Tape #4

Hi, Tommy Innes here. Uh, this is my fourth tape so if this is the first one you listen to, you should listen to the others.

(awkward pause)

I encountered one of the subjects today, the one known as wilbur soot. He used his powers on me, it was just as I had been told. Go back to Tape #1 for the details. I honestly think it may have been a fever dream. No matter if theres something more going on, I think this investigation is stupid. What kind of person has powers and uses them to start a cult?

Anyways. I went to a restaurant in town. The worker had a weird name. His name was Ranboo. Who names their kid that? He looked weird too. Had black spots on his face. That cant be natural.

(end of tape)

Tape #11

(rustling, the sound of drawers opening and being looked through. The Speaker talks in a rushed and panicked voice.)

Holy. Fuckin’. Shit.

Hi. Im Tommy Innes with the investigation of the syndicate cult. And I just saw a ritual. I took pictures. They should be included in the file. The people mentioned a “mist”. Said its the reason people dont realize whats going on. I’ll have to investigate this mist thing further. They summoned this beast. It was a boar. But it could speak english and wore a monarch’s outfit.

He ripped those guys to shreds. Im going to puke-

(rustling noises, a door closes and it goes quiet)

(the speaker presumably returns, judging by the door opening and closing again. You hear the lock clicking into place)

(it stays silent.)

(you hear more rustling noises, this time sounding like papers. There is a banging on wood, presumably the door, and the sound of a door trying to be opened)

(end of tape)

Tape #6

(silence)

Do I have to do the introduction? Ehh I’ll probably get fired if i dont-

Shit is this recording?

anyways.

I met a man called Phil today. He seems to be the most normal person in this stupid town. He complimented my wings. Which is weird because they’re tiny and an ugly eye-searing red. Whatever.

I lost my journal.

(a pause as well as the sound of chewing)

Anyways, so I dont have anything to report besides that-

Holy shit these cookies are good-

I went to the local bakery. The baker was nice, just a tad weird. And shes Friends with Wilbur Soot.

(end of tape)

Tape #5

Ayup. This is once again Tommy Innes. Nothing interesting happened today. Oh well. These tapes are recorded every two days, or whenever something interesting happens.

As you know i talked about meeting Wilbur Soot in my last tape. I saw him in town again, but didnt approach him. He smiled at me, for some reason. I headed out to a field to relax, and met

a cow. His name is Henry.

I’ve been keeping a journal.

(the speaker’s voice goes to a whisper)

I fear I’m being watched.

(end of tape)

Tape #14

(The speaker is a different voice)

How do I work this thing?

(another voice replies “Its recording”)

It is? Oh! What do I say?

(The second voice is too muffled to make out)

Oh yes! This is Wilbur Soot, This device was found in the room of an outsider, and we are now confiscating it. The outsided, Tommy Innes according to these tapes, will be converted to a syndicate member.

(end of tape)

Tape #8

Tommy Innes. I recovered from my short illness, I’m lucky it was a simple fever, otherwise it could have jeopardized this mission. I saw some guy with pink hair today. He was looking at me weirdly. Maybe he suspects something. I hope not. My accent may have given me away. Or my clothes had. The people here dress weird.

I met Phil again. Im starting to suspect he’s too normal for a place like this. He brought me to lunch. The food was good, our server was a guy called Purpled. He seemed cool. He seems like just a normal teenage guy, right? I think I may try to befriend him. That’s all I have to share.

Except maybe-

(static noises, muffling the speaker)

(end of tape)

Tape #10

I suspect I may have been misled. I went to the library. There was a book on [REDACTED]. It said terrible things about it. Uh. I’ve been given a place and time. It was in a letter addressed to someone named Dream. Uh. I found it on my desk when i got to the hotel I’ve been staying at. I dont know who it’s from. Theres not return address or anything. Bye.

(end of tape)

[randombubblegum]

as much as i hate looking back and being like “omg awsten planned it the whole time” (bc tbh i am Tired of awsten and his schemes please just give me the product i’m gonna pay for) i do think the whole “deleting friendly reminder” thing was a total plan and he still has it somewhere. obviously bc he posted demos from it?? like it was never actually deleted. but with the theme of fandom being “the strangest dream of all” and middle/end of GH (idk where ice bath falls on the track list) being where he “wakes up” it would make sense that we’d revert back to friendly reminder era. not saying we’re getting those demos as real songs (altho i would love that) but just music like that you know? i also think it would be a way for awsten to crawl back to pop punk with his tail between his legs and play it off as “it was always the plan to do this obviously if fandom and GH were wild dreams they’re gonna sound crazy and different.” like i know and you know that’s not what happened, GH’s tik tok bait flopped, but i can see everyone on twitter being like “ommgggg GENIUS king shit he plans every move” yadda yadda. i kinda like the idea bc whatever it takes to get us back to old awsten, if we need to pretend the last two albums were fever dreams then fine.

this has just been my theory since the whole “GH was a nighttime album and parx5 is a day time album” and “ice bath being the wake up moment” but it’s a theory im clinging to out of pure hope lol

ya im totally in agreement with u here. although honestly i DO think he fully scrapped friendly reminder BECAUSE he released the demo versions yknow? like ya he definitely did not delete the album files, obvi. i think he said he deleted everything but the finished mastered tracks which presumably is what we got on the demo album. but i dont think hes ever gonna polish up the demo tracks weve had for 3 years at that point to release as “new songs” because even for him that would be desperate and pathetic…… which is like sad bc the demo songs are leagues better than anything on gh LMAO

i TOTALLY agree with you that i am sicklkk to bastard death of this “awsten had the WHOLE THING planned out years in advance!” like no. he did not. he does plan things and drop hints but theyre never as solid and concrete as people up his ass want to make them out to be LMAO like more often than not he just tailors stuff to reference things in the past and not the other way around, which is like fine, or else his “hints” are so vague and irrelevant as to be throwaways. like the phrase “next greatest hits” hidden in the fandom booklet…. that literally means nothing!!!!! and it could so easily be discarded and ignored to fade away forever if he decided g WASNT greatest hits lol

but anyway ya, u know and i know that gh flopped and his tiktok virality bait failed completely and he is SCRAMBLING to make up for it. hence crawling back to pop punk (and maybe hopeless records) w his tail between his legs…….. i can totally see him pulling something like that but honestly id be shocked if he ACTUALLY made reference to “we are doing friendly reminder again” bc that would fly in the face of his whole “NEVER GO BACK NOSTALGIA IS POISON FOR ART” uppity bullshit lol. and honestly with what weve heard of funeral grey it doesnt aound anything like friendly reminder (in a bad way…) so i dont have a ton of hope…… but i wish he would ☹️ regardless no matter what he does ppl are gonna look for ways to go “omgggg genius king of planning 🥺” even tho hes flying by the seat of his pants here

[hobisexually]

hi amber! how are you? im currently going through a crisis where i dont know if i want to stay in my relationship of more than 2 years and am convincing myself that im a lesbian because,... that will make breaking up easier? or its true? and just thinking about all of this makes my head and heart hurt so bad because i do love him i just don't feel like being with him anymore???? or im a lesbian. so theres that. anyway have you read any good drarry lately? im regressing to my 2017 state until i can deal with this situation. lol!

hiya love. as for drarry fics, i liked these:

Boiling Point

Ferveret - n. boiling point

After an Auror raid gone wrong, Draco ends up trapped in a dodgy safehouse with nothing but Harry Potter’s dubious company and a dwindling supply of food. With only each other and the walls surrounding them, they're forced to confront their past and their feelings which have long been threatening to boil over.

Criminal

Things were going just fine for Draco Malfoy. He successfully conned and counted cards across Europe and America, amassing a small fortune, along with a lengthy rap sheet. That was until he made the grave mistake of returning to England for a high stakes card game and got himself caught – by Harry Potter no less. Now, Draco is stuck in England under Auror Potter’s guard with no friends, no distractions, and no escape. How the hell will he pass the time? And since when did Potter get so bloody fit?

A House On Fire

For the last five years, Auror Draco Malfoy has walked into his office with hardly a glance at the illusioned window taking up the back wall. It looks out over an imagined London, a perfectly bright and brilliant view of the city that hides the smog and rain and dirt that clings to the city like a patina of time that can never be worn away. It's always a perfect summer's day with soft, white clouds that float through the painfully bright blue sky like a dream. He likes to imagine the gentle breeze that ripples the surface of the Thames brushing across his skin, since he'll never be able to actually feel it. After all, his office is located on the second floor and is, therefore, underground.

But It's Better If You Do

“This is exactly where you like me, isn’t it,” Malfoy mutters hoarsely in his ear, and Harry hears the unspoken beneath you, defeated. Harry laughs softly, lowering his arse onto his lap.

---

The burlesque!Harry fever-dream oneshot that nobody asked for.

Sleight of Hand

It’s another one of those horrid Ministry affairs, and the only interesting thing is twinkling from Draco Malfoy’s finger. Can you really blame Harry for being fascinated by the gorgeous emerald ring and those long, elegant hands, especially when he’s certain Malfoy is up to something?

Born Slippy

Harry finds that it's less 'one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor' and more 'one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, decide Malfoy's quite fit, actually, and decent company after your friends traitorous abandonment, floor.' With Malfoy lying next to you.

Far From The Tree

The arrival of Harry Potter’s children—snapped back in time, the children themselves guessed, twenty or so years—was the most interesting thing to happen at Hogwarts for years.

What Dreams May Come

If Harry had to get called into work on his day off, at least he was able to get Malfoy called in too.

i know there's a bunch of GREAT fics coming for the big bang this year, but they're not due until september (trust me though, i saw some prompts when i was still signed up for it, and they're gonna be great). 

and under the read more something i wanted to say, just in case:

i'm so sorry to hear that about your relationship, that must be very stressful for you. i think, if you're saying this, it doesn't even really matter whether you're a lesbian or not? all i'm hearing from you is that you don't want to be with him anymore, and that's okay. honestly, that's okay, even if you can't figure out the reason and you still love him as a person. you're not stuck in this situation. be kind to yourself first and foremost, and take some time away from him maybe? figuring out whether you're a lesbian or not doesn't have to happen now, you're not in a rush. just be honest with yourself about what you're feeling and why, and don't string him along, y'know? it’s better for you to get some space and really think about this clearly than stress about this more than you have to.

also, if you want to talk more about why you think you might be a lesbian, you can always come talk it through with me 💕

[babysizedfics]

I need to know about doctor mama lo taking care of a sick baby Virgil if you would like pretty please. I dont wanna ask on the in character blog cuz I feel like it would be weird to ask for details and lo seems kinda busy anyway lol.

hey tumblebee!! yeah yeah lets do this, Im gonna write it so that ppl who dont follow the other blog can understand too

WARNING IF U HAVENT ALREADY BLOCKED THE TAGS ILLNESS TW AND VOMIT TW THEY ARE VERY PREVALENT IN THIS

also this is a VERY long headcanon!!

so last night vee got ill, he had been regressed in the afternoon with patton and he was acting much more fussy than usual - not being entertained by his cartoons, not having the energy to play with his rattle, pretty much constantly whining and pouting and he gets very wriggly when he's fussy

patton assumed it was because vee had been upset earlier that day. at one point vee started gripping his stomach, and patton assumed its because he was hungry and could smell the food roman was cooking

but when dinner came around no matter how hard patton tried he couldnt get vee to eat a morsel - he kept turning his head away from the food and whining. at one point patton and logan both managed to convince him to eat a spoonful but his face crumpled with a wince and it looked almost painful for him to swallow it. it was at this point logan noticed he had a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead

things fell into place quickly after that - logan checked his temperature and it was indeed slightly higher than was healthy, they noticed vee's hands were trembling and he was constantly on the verge of tears :(

while patton cleared away dinner and excused roman who wanted to go and craft in his room, logan took vee to his bedroom and tried to check for more symptoms, since vee was non verbal and unresponsive totheir questions. he tested his tummy by pushing it a little to see if the pain got worse when he released it (this is a test for appendicitis) but there was no reaction thankfully except vee being upset by logan not cuddling him. he checked his throat for any redness or infection, nothing.

vee's crying became more pronounced and eventually he was in constant tears, occassionally pleading 'mama mama' through sniffles and hiccups and whines of pain :(( Patton brought him a baby bottle of cooled tea made with fresh mint leaves since that is supposed to help stomach pains. though he left the room again since logan thought it was best not to crowd virgil. Vee's crying had dissipated but he was strangely silent and seemed almost loopy now. he only drank a little of the tea before he pushed it away with a gag.

logan immediately took him to the bathroom knowing what was coming, and sure enough vee threw up into the toilet, crying between gags. logan dutifully managed to keep vee in his lap the whole time and held his hair and rubbed his back, telling him he was such a good boy the whole time

Thankfully it didnt last long as there wasnt much in vees stomach to be emptied. he was shivering and sweating and flushed and had lost all energy. he wasnt even crying anymore, just whimpering under his breath. with a bit of a struggle logan managed to show him how to rinse his mouth out with mouthwash - though he had to hold vee over the sink and pat his back to make sure he didnt swallow it

during all of this patton wasnt able to help because of his heightened empathy, if he sees someone throwing up the likeihood is he will too and that wiuldnt be very helpful! so instead he drives to the store to pick up some medicine and ice pops - and comes back with half the store including some actual baby medicine smh - ((im actually begging u to read that linked post i think its so funny))

it was originallly meant to be logans night to put roman to bed but understandably patton took on that task instead. after roman was drifting off patton pokes his head into vee's room. he had hoped to find lo and vee asleep but they werent. they were lying in the dark with an in the night garden audio story playing on a portable speaker and with vees salt lamp and star night light lighting up the room in a soft glow.

logan offered a strained little smile and nod to patton as he stroked vee's hair and cuddled him close. vee was completely out of it honestly. his body was wholly lax against his mama, his lips were in a permanent pout and his eyes were puffy and wet. he barely even acknowledged his papa coming in, his teary eyes just settled on him for a moment then dropped back to the bedsheets without a reaction. he kept lifting his thumb up to suck on it but logan kept capturing it and apologising as he brought it away. Vee shouldnt suck on his thumb and logan doesnt want to give him a paci while he's ill. understandably, baby vee was completely miserable.

patton asks if logan thinks vee could handle a popsicle or plain crackers at the moment but logan disagrees. he doesnt expect either of them to get much sleep so he will make sure vee eats something in a few hours. with a gentle kiss on vee's forehead patton goes off to bed, confident that logan will be able to look after vee and will come get him if theres any issues

logan and vee really dont sleep much at all. Vee drifts off for a few minutes at a time then gasps awake from vivid fever dreams. logan keeps ice cubes in a bowl by the bed for vee to suck on if he needs to cool down and wraps a couple in a flannel to press to vee's head when his fever rises in the middle of the night.

around 3am logan jolts awake and realises he had drifted off. and vee isnt anywhere in the room. he panics momentarily, bolting up from the bed and dashing to the closet to see if virgil is in there - which he tends to do when he is overwhelmed - but then he hears sniffling from the bathroom.

he finds vee, no longer regressed, curled up against the side of the bathtub with his bangs clinging to his sweaty head. vee is the palest person logan knows but he looks positively grey at the moment

'can i help in any way?' he asks, aware that he doesnt need to baby talk at the moment but still eager to look after this bundle of miserableness

virgil just groans under his breath and clutches his knees to his chest. 'i.. i didnt know what to do with the..' he gestures vaguely to something on the floor

logan notices virgil, being not regressed anymore, had obviously wrestled off the diaper he had been changed into the night before and not known how to dispose of it

'its ok, ive got it' logan wraps it up in a bag and puts it in the trash can they have in the room for just this purpose

'sorry.. m stupid' virgil croaks

'You're not stupid.' logan says firmly as he washes his hands 'You're ill and probably delirious from the fever. it's alright virgil'

theres quiet for a bit longer, virge's head pressed against the porcelain edge of the bathtub likely in an attempt to cool his fever. logan stays there with him for a while just waiting. then suddenly virgil starts sobbing and buries his face in his hands.

'sweetheart, tell me whats wrong please' logan hurries to kneel beside him, lifting his hands away from his face. that wouldnt help the fever

'i dont feel well' virgil cries pathetically, tears rolling down his face.

logans heart breaks 'no, you dont. i'm sorry little one, i know its not nice'

at the nickname virgils thumb raises to his lips again, which logan hurriedly intercepts. 'i'll make you a deal, okay? you're allowed to use a pacifier, but you have to use the same one everyday until you are better. we will need to sterilise it every night too.'

vee sniffles and nods, then chokes 'm not a baby right now though'

'that doesnt matter. you dont need to be regressed to want one of your pacis, vee'

vee is unresponsive and starts scratching at his pyjama pants. logan gets a feeling he isnt saying something. then he notices virgil's pout is much more infantile than his adult ones. 'are you feeling little, baby?'

with a harsh shake of his head vee starts crying again. he whispers 'dont wanna be a b...' then cuts himself off and whimpers

logan cards his fingers through virgils damp bangs. he knows what virgils mind has jumped to. 'were you going to say you dont want to be a baby?' he lifts virgils chin up to look at him 'or that you dont want to be a burden?'

virgils pale lip wobbles 'same fing'

'no sweetheart, no no no,' logan sits on the tiles beside vee and pulls him into his lap. virgil goes willingly. logan rocks his baby as he says 'youre always always allowed to be a baby and its never ever going to upset your family. even if you're an adorable wonderful brave baby boy alllll of the time' he scribbles his finger on virgils rosy cheek and delights at the tiny smile it earns him. 'but especially when you're feeling yucky. you feel a bit yucky today dont you, little one?'

vee nods with a pout

'but yknow whats not yucky? softies and pacis and diapers and lots and lots of cuddles with mama' he holds virgil tighter to prove his point. vee sighs and drops his head to nuzzle against his mama's neck. logan feels he still has a slight fever. 'i know what might help you feel less yucky. does my sweet baby want a sweet ice pop?'

thankfully vee nods against his shoulder and grips tight onto his pyjama shirt, preparing for when logan lifts him up

he first makes sure to change vee into another diaper and even decides that he should wear one of mama's t-shirts as a light dress so he doesnt get as overheated by his pyjamas. at this point vee actually giggles for the first time pretty much all day as he feels the tshirt swish lazily around his legs. logan makes a mental note to observe whether little vee might want to try wearing dresses if the feeling sparks this much joy (at this point logan is unaware that vee has secretly been trying skirts and dresses in his room for months, and roman found out a few weeks ago, but vee isnt ready to tell the cgs yet)

by the time vee is in his diaper and mamas tshirt dress and has a paci and jiji clutched to his chest he is a lot calmer and happier. he's still very ill and exhausted and teary, but theres a tiny smile on his face instead of a pout. in the kitchen he picks a strawberry ice pop and it goes down well, logan convinces him to have a cracker too though vee is in such a young headspace by then that he is just sucking on it, which logan supposes is fine too

by the (real) morning vee is still regressed and has managed to have a couple hours undisturbed sleep. its not much but its better than nothing. logan didnt fare much better. by then vee misses his papa and asks for him and logan hands the responsibility over to papa patton, trustinf the other caregiver enough to catch up on a quick power nap himself

but yes, the main thing is vee thought being ill was a burden enough that he shouldnt be regressed too, but logan makes him see that its okay. vee is regressed pretty much the whole time he is ill over the next few days because its stressful and painful and its a lot easier to feel comforted when ur a baby

yeah! gosh that was long, theres probably a billion spelling mistakes! feel free to ask follow up Qs if i missed anything u wanted to know abt this event

[hollyhomburg]

Yknow sometimes I think about that one clip on the boat where hobi is just complimenting and talking about yoongi and yoongi gets so flustered he just goes to the edge and s c r e a m s and,,,,, imagine with his s/o

okay but for some reason i just had a total poly au jump out at me based off of this, Ah so this is the exact opposite of my usual aesthetic- dont know if you wanted hard nsfw but!!!! sorry!!!! this is also not edited like at all please dont judge me for my kinks this is way out of my usual zone. 

Back to You (BTS x Reader)

W/C: 2.4k (oh lord)

Tags: Sub! reader, Sub! Yoongi, Dom! Bts, Poly, Gangbang, Established relationship, praise kink, degradation, Oral fixation, cumplay, dom/sub shit, voyeurism, exhibitionism, semi-public sex, snowballing but with slick?, masturbation, 

Song Rec: Everytime ~ Ariana Grande 

as Yoongi’s significant other, you indulge in his praise kink fairly often. sometimes it’s in the soft way too where he just gets overwhelmed and flushed and stuttery and screams “stop making me soft!” while it’s muffled in her chest because yoongi just gets so shy he hides from the weight of so much sweetness. 

but also, he has a praise kink in much more of an nsfw way.

“oh my god you fill me up so well Yoongi, I feel like im gonna go crazy,”

and him above you “am i fucking you so good you can’t even speak anymore baby?”

his growl of “no one could fuck you as good as i can, say it- admit it darling” i lowkey feel like people forget that dom’s can have praise kinks too, but ANYWAY

after a little while with dating Yoongi- you start to realize that the others totally know about his praise kink, the way than Namjoon will squeeze his shoulders after they’re done producing, saying “you did such a good job hyung” will bring a blush to his cheeks,

hoseok is always the first one to complement yoongi over dinner, and the maknaes are straight up relentless with their manhandling of your boyfriend, slapping his thighs in his jeans at the weirdest times and telling him how pretty they look.

and maybe you’d have a problem with how obviously flustered it makes him if they didn’t do the same thing to you,

Seokjin often curls his hand around your hair, and compliments you on the style,

or the demeaning but lovely curve of a smirk on hoseok’s lips of “wow that shade of lipstick looks great on you, makes you look like such a good slut” and then the tilt of his head, the opaque insensarity and boiling lust in his expression as he shrugs and says “no offense of course, yoongi’s told me how good you are for him,”

and holy hell if it didn’t make both of you absolutely squirm in your seat, yoongi too next to you too, whining in the back of his throat at hoseok’s words. 

Jungkook gets particularly bratty with you as well, a little objectifying, even if you try to deny how turned on it makes you when he possessive tugs you into his lap saying “how come hyung gets all the pretty toys? He’s so spoiled.”

There are other things too- other moments that show just how much the boys care for you and yoongi, other non-sexual dominance moments, 

like namjoon fiddling with your clothes and complimenting how pretty you look in that skirt, making you blush when he cups your cheeks,

or the way that seokjin takes care of you and yoongi when you both get the flu “i know the medicine tastes bad baby but it would make me so happy if you had it,” and yoongi’s whine as he demands a kiss from seokjin after taking a spoonful of the medcin, hazy with fever. and then your pout, and seokjin’s shy smile as he is only too happy to give you one too. 

the way that jungkook and jimin demand cuddles from the two of you every single movie night, each one of them spooning you as you sit curled against yoongi’s chest, their hands playing laced in between you two. 

Hoseok’s insistence that the three of you get matching balenciaga shoes, no matter how much you protest, hoseok will just grab both of your hands in his, press a kiss to the back of each and say “come on just let me spoil both of you,” 

Things get a little heavier, one night when you’re all drinking, yoongi’s head tipped against your neck to suck at the skin there hidden after most of the others have gone to dance and you were happier just to sit with yoongi, 

Taehyung fisting a hand in the back of his hair pulling him away from your skin and making your boyfriend groan at the delicious pain pleasure that runs down his spine.

“don’t be rude Hyung, there are so many people watching and you know how much we hate when people see what’s ours,” and they’re right- there are alot of people watching the two of you curled to the side, both of you wrecked in the booth.

Taehyung closes the curtains to the booth and slowly guides you to give Yoongi a blowjob, Taehyung guiding your head up and down his length with a hand in your hair. his other hand around your throat feeling how you clench and swallow around Yoongi “that’s a good girl, take baby boy’s cock all the way, like i know you can that’s a good babygirl ” 

all while Yoongi is sat in namjoon’s lap, his thighs held apart by namjoon’s hands. Who gives him little slaps when Yoongi moves his hips, whispering straight filth into his ears “so needy, look how strung out you are, it’s so cute! are you thinking that someone could walk in and see how fucked out you look? does it make you turned on hyung?”

And Yoongi gets so worked up that he’s almost sniffling before he comes all over your face, his thighs certainly would be shaking if it weren’t for how roughly namjoon’s holding him, in the way that will surely leave bruises,

and that’s when the others get back, careful not to let anyone else look into the booth (because of course everyone knew what was going to happen- they might have planned it) and the low whistle that comes out of Jimin when he sees your cum covered face, your eyes hazy and not all there as Taehyung pets your hair and tells you how good you did, “just when I thought you couldn’t get more gorgeous baby”  

and of course, they you up on the table, clearing it of the many expensive bottles, parts your legs and holds up your skirt so that you can give the rest of them a show. Seokjin rubs gently against your clit through your underwear sliding it down before he takes it to his nose and breathes in deep. his eyelashes fluttering, just the sight of that makes you so strung out that you’re certain you’ll do anything they say. 

Hoseok holds on to one of your ankles, while jimin holds the other spread, someone took off their tie to bind yoongi’s hands behind his back and he’s completely at the mercy of seokjin, who guides yoongi’s head to your slit keeping a hand fisted in his hair, commanding “Eat her good like we taught you Yoongi- show us how good you can be to her” 

occasionally pulling him back, lifting his head back to kiss him and taste your slick on his lips, licking into his mouth messily to get all of it. jungkooks incredulous and dark look when he breaks apart makes both you and yoongi whine, lifting his own fingers to touch his lips in awe “you know i used to wonder why yoongi chose you over us and now i think i understand, you’re addicting” and of course jimin just needs to have a taste of his own, reaching forward and pumping his fingers in you roughly before he brings them to his mouth, ““Fuck, and here i though you just looked sweet baby girl.”

 “Come on hyung dont be selfish- let me have a taste” but instead of kissing seokjin with his plush lips wet with your essance, jungkook tugs on Yoongi’s hair. Putting his mouth back to your cunt and letting him lick at you for a moment lazily and fucked out before he pulls him away again, making your hips jerk in search of yoongi’s mouth.

Yoongi whimpers into jungkook’s mouth as he gets the same treatment, licking it out of his mouth as opposed to actually kissing him making him heady, and spiralling down deep into subspace at an almost alarming pace. 

So basically, Yoongi eats you out while the others jerk off and dirty talk the shit out of both of you. Hoseok cums all over your stomach, Taehyung cums on your face and Namjoon pulls down your top to cum all over your chest. 

Somehow Jimin ends up with your underwear, curling it around his fist and using it to jack off, ruining the delicate pink lace when he cums on them with a groan. Watching him and feeling the cum dry on your chest, You feel so dirty but so unbelievably satisfied. Hoseok whispers in your ear, “you just love being our dirty slut don’t you?” Jimin sets the underwhere on the table, “We should make her wear them out of here hyungs,”

Eventually you cum with Hoseok’s fingers thrusting into you and yoongi’s mouth sucking on your clit, only to shake and squirt onto the table, trembling like a leaf. And of course, they make Yoongi lick it up and clean you up again, indulging in his oral fixation which makes him cum again, grinding against the table. (honestly rip whoever has to clean it afterwards)

You’re both so hazy by the end of this but the others take care of you, cleaning you up and ushering both of you out of the back door so that no one sees how wrecked both of you are. 

and when you wake up the next morning you’re wrapped tightly in taehyung’s bed getting the life cuddled out of you, Seokjin has food already ready to go and you’re half convinced that last night was just a dirty dream until you check and yup- you have hickeys on the inside of your thighs and one on your chest that you think is from namjoon but you can’t be sure. 

eventually you get around to asking yoongi the obvious question, “so uhm, have you ever like- been with any of them before? because i dont want to say it makes me uncomfortable, but sometimes they’re a little intense with both of us” and Yoongi stutters and admits that they’ve all kind of fooled around with each other at one point or another- even though you can tell it was more than that. 

Yoongi admits that yes, he used to be their submissive, but he cut it off when he met you because he knew he loved you and wanted to be with you, no matter how much it hurt the others. because they’re all a little in love with him- even if they’d never said it yoongi knows, and yoongi also knows that they’re starting to feel the same way about you. 

And it doesn’t surprise you because your boyfriend is a switch (but prefers to dom you and only you) so it’s not surprising to you that he’d had that outlet before you got together and if you’re being honest- it doesn’t make you uncomfortable in the slightest

in fact…it’s a little hot, thinking of your boyfriend stuttering as they praise and degrade him in equal measure, and you’d be wrong if you said you didn’t want a piece of that to see it again. You tell Yoongi this, and he’s surprised but not displeased because if he was being honest part of his brain needed some of that rush of subspace that only the others could give him, even if he needed the rush of domspace just the same.

and before he has a chance to ask the boys about the possibility of a scene with you in it (the thought almost makes him weak) it reaches a fevers pitch when you go out together one night. 

You’re dressed in a skin tight velvet dress and a velvet collar and yoongi is in a silky button down shirt, and all of them decide that nope, neither of you get to go out looking like that, you’re only for their eyes to be seen by anyone other than them, 

They toy with you drawing out every minute, making both of you stand naked in the middle of the room for their viewing pleasure, “the first one of you that moves or makes a noise is going to get punished, and the other gets to watch and be spoiled” namjoon of course, is the one that designs the scene, though he sits back, stroking his length almost lazily though you can see the lust in his eyes. 

they alternate teasing both of you, hoseok tugs on your collar and you refuse to sigh or splutter as he leaves hickey after hickey along your chest. “Do you think she’d like a leash to do with this collar? be our perfect little pet? we should bring out yoongi’s and then they’d be matching” 

 Seokjin toys with yoongi’s ass as jimin sucks him off, your boyfriend sweating and looking more out of it by the minute but still unmoving. though you think you see a hint of competitiveness in his expression, like he’s daring you to move first, 

Jungkook coos when he kneels down in front of you “oh my god look how wet she’s getting! oh how cute! she’s pretending she wasn’t as turned on by this as yoongi hyung, what an adorable little whore” he tilts his head forward and before you can control it- you flinch as he swipes his tongue across your clit fast and hard. 

let’s just say they spend the whole night making you messy and sore, and so overstimulated you cry- because it just feels that good, they make yoongi eat you out (damn his oral fixation) while you’re getting pounded into by taehyung. 

And I don’t want to get two graphic beyond that, but basically, you and yoongi sub for bangtan the whole night, and you all fuck on the floor of their living room, making both of you cry (it’s okay though you have safe words and it’s more of like an overwhelmed-with-pleasure sort of cry)

at the end both you and yoongi are curled up and cleaned, cream rubbed into the bruises on both your asses, swathed in plush blankets while jimin combs his fingers through yoongi’s hair and seokjin does the same to you, namjoon rubbing soothing circles onto your very sore hips. 

curled together in a little puddle between all of them while they just cuddle you and praise you, 

“You both did so well for us”  - Jimin 

“Our pretty obedient babies,” - Hoseok definitely

“Could never find such good darlings like you, you’re both one of a kind” - Seokjin 

 “You’re perfect for us” - jungkook probably. 

“oh little ones, you took your punishments so good, im so impressed” - namjoon 

“I’m so proud of you, you make me feel so loved” - taehyung 

and the next day they invite you and yoongi into one giant poly/sub/dom relationship with rules like ‘eat at least 2 meals a day, sleep 7 hours minimum, no demeaning language at yourself outside of scenes, and alway pre-negotiation because they don’t often practice unsafe bdsm etiquette accept for last night because they kind of got carried away. 

after all yoongi did tell them what you two got up too, so they knew that you weren’t exactly opposed to that kind of dirty talk and what kind of kinks you did and if you had showed any reservations they would have stopped immediately during that scene

but going forward to feel more comfortable they want to have like- long lengthy discussions about kinks and limits and what kind of aftercare you like, cuz they already know that for yoongi he just likes to be held and touched gently 

okay thats it thats the ask thanks for coming to THE MOST HARD NSFW thing i’ve ever written gonna go wash my brain out with soap after all those visuals bye

[wxsuthorn]

ranking every single asian drama/series/movie that i have ever watched

(this isn’t 100% accurate cuz I’ve decided to include shows that are still airing and they may move up or down on the list once they’ve finished airing. Shows with multiple seasons/spin-offs will be counted as one unless I decided that they’re too different to be in one rank. And lastly, I don’t dislike the shows that are low on the list—unless I explicitly say so—I’ve just watched a shitload of dramas, so don’t attack me if ur fave is at 26 or smth lmao)

I did my best to keep the explanations short and avoid spoilers

1. The Gifted

Are you surprised? Do I even need to explain?

2. HIStory 3: Trapped

Again, should be pretty self-explanatory. The plot? The acting? The tropes? Utter perfection. 

3. 3 Will Be Free

Haha. 3wbf... is 3rd place. It’s just amazing and so criminally underrated. 

4. Until We Meet Again

I LOVE THIS SHOW SM I WATCHED IT 7 TIMES KLJFSLKJDFS I JUST LOVE IT PLUS FLUKE’S ACTING AND DEANPHARM ARE JUST SO HEALTHY AND WHOLESOME AND CARING I LOVE THEM.

5. He’s Coming To Me

a GODLY show !!! SO UNDERRATED. Ugh that rooftop scene TT.

6. The Untamed

I know it’s shocking that this isn’t higher up IM SORRY OKAY but this show was so good i cried so much lksjlfjdsfdjlkf GOD TIER.

7. Theory of Love

G O D L Y. It has the best scenes that just punch you in the gut and make you cry while you think about them at night.

8. Great Men Academy

WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS SHOW. anyways i would die for tangmo.

9. Cherry Magic

MY FAVOURITE ON AIR SHOW. It’s so fucking good and it’s sooooo relatable and cute and fun and just GOOD. Ugh it’s a whole blessing. Literally the concept is also just amazing, plus the representation is actually accurate?? LIKE ITS SO RELATABLE JLSJFKJKJKD AND REAL. AND THE CHARACTERS ARE SO KLJLKFJDLKJLSKJD.

10. I Told Sunset About You

THE SETS ARE SO PRETTY. THE VISUALS. ASTOUNDING. THE ACTING KSLJFKJLDF. It exceeded my expectations holy crap and the chinese culture incorporated into it feels so nice and genuine. literally i watched some of it today before my chinese class lmao. OMG AND THE OST.

11. Mr. Heart

ugh this show stole my heart (pun intended).

12. Dark Blue Kiss

SO. GODDAMN. UNDERRATED. THE WAY IT ACCURATELY REPS LGBTQ+ YOUTH’S RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR PARENTS AND COMING OUT AND EXPECTATIONS G O D L Y

13. Oxygen

SOFT. HEALTHY. CUTE. H E I G H T  D I F F E R E N C E.

14. 2gether

would’ve been higher if it werent for the last two episodes of the show, but still2gether redeemed it quite a bit.

15. HIStory 2: Crossing The Line

QIU ZIXUAN LKDSJFLDJLJFDKJSLJ CUTE AS FUCK.

16. Where Your Eyes Linger

tHAT OST. AND THE LAST SCENE. I MEAN SHIT SLJFSDKJFLSDJFK.

17. HIStory 2: Right or Wrong

it’s so soft and at first i was so hesitant to watch it with the age gap but it was surprisingly like really healthy? and like the mom with the fruit knife?

18. Love By Chance

IM SORRY I PUT THIS SO LOW its just that klano and tumtar were not my cup of tea and i watched it mostly for aepete only for them to be apart at the end of season 1. I like season 2 but this time i only have tincan...

19. Gameboys

okay i was going to put this way higher because ITS SO FUCKING GOOD LITERALLY but then again i felt more impressed/attached to the ones above... BUT LITERALLY PEARL AND CAIREEL ARE JUST SDLSJDFSKDFL THE BEST.

20. Sotus

If i could put multiple shows in one rank i would but ive decided not too cuz then there would only be 6 ranks with 10 shows in each one... that’s why sotus is so low TT SORRY I LOVE IT BUT I LOVE OTHER SHOWS A LITTLE MORE.

21. 2Moons2

it was enjoyable. I didn’t like the main couple much tho.

22. Red Wine In The Dark Night

omg this movie i really liked it especially the ending it was really symbolic and i really like slight-horror type things. also FLUKE !!!! a KING of acting.

23. Transit Girls

SOFT WLW.

24. My Engineer

don’t get me wrong i love this show BUT it’s yet another engineering concept and i just don’t see it going above the other dramas...

25. Why R U

the plot was messy but the chemistry between the actors saved the entire show.

26. TharnType

I KNOW ITS LOW DONT KILL ME the plot was good but i don’t like how lhong was painted as a misunderstood little boi like HE IS A CRIMINAL DONT GIVE HIM A REDEMPTION ARC AND DONT TRY TO MAKE ME PITY HIM. also the non-con was uncomfy as hell.

27. A Round Trip To Love

THE CINEMATOGRAPHY AND SYMBOLISM ON GOD ISLJFDLJD. i don’t see this movie as like... an example of a healthy relationship... but the story itself is really interesting and the way the characters change yet stay the same is cool.

28. The Shipper

i enjoyed watching it but i dont think i could rewatch it. it was good nonetheless, i don’t regret watching it at all.

29. Together With Me

it’s good. but the side plots/side couples were not it. yihwa is a queen tho.

30. Ingredients

SOOOOO CUTE LSKJFDKJJF. but the plot is kinda nonexistent but IT DOESNT MATTER CUZ ITS CUTE AND FLUFFY AND UWU AND JEFF.

31. The Effect

this show gave me depression but damn the theme was so real. 

32. Guardian

everything was going great until the jin ling dude got a girlfriend and the end happened.

33. History 3: Make Our Days Count

i was spoiled for the ending and it ruined my watching experience TT

34. YYY

i love it

35. Addicted

It was my first bl drama and i really liked it but again the non-con/kidnapping thing makes me uncomfy. also IT WAS DISCONTINUED IM SO SAD SLKDJFLSKJDFKSJD IT ENDED ON A CLIFFHANGER THEN WAS CANCELLED TT

36. Make It Right

fuse took too long to break up with his gf honestly oasflsajdfaldj bUT FRAME AND BOOK.

37. My Gear And Your Gown

CUTE but its another engineering x medical student trope and it’s still airing so i dont have too much of an opinion on it.

38. Pearl Next Door

its still airing (only 2 eps are out as of the time im writing this) and istg if pearlex isnt endgame im suing.

39. Friend Zone

first season was good but season two is gripping me by the throat. 

40. Because Of You 2020

CUTE

41. The Lover

i only watched the bl cuts but they were cute

42. Lovesick

season one was great but season 2 was too long i skipped so much of it lmao.

43. Puppy Honey

ngl i only watched it for offgun lmao. season one was good and i watched the hets too but season 2 was when i only watched the offgun scenes lmao

44. En Of Love

tossara was my fave cuz they cute and healthy. 

45. As If You Whisper

it was so short but so nice TT.

46. I’m Tee, Me Too 

still airing... kinda pointless?

47. 2 Moons

the acting... oof

48. My Dream

it started out so promising but THE FUCKING ENDING WAS LKSDJFLKS

49. Kiss + Kiss Me Again

I only watched the petekao scenes lmao.

50. History 1: Away From Me

cutee

51. History 1: Obsession

interesting? 

52. HIStory 1: My Hero

fine

53. My Day

i dropped it... tell me if i should get back into it cuz i kinda just wasn’t feeling it.

54. Lily Fever

cute wlw but it made no sense?

55. Hotel Stars

sorta dry lmao

56. The Best Twins

i dropped it but thor was epic

57. Reminders

PERTH’S ACTING KSJLFDJL but like what was the point? idk it was kinda frustrating.

58. 2Wish

i honestly don’t even remember what happened lmao

59. The Moment; I Need You

i just couldn’t when the guy faked an od. other than that it was eh. second season was better than the first (idk if it counts as a season tho cuz its so short)

60. Waterboyy (series)

DISGUSTING I HATE IT SO MUCH ITS TERRIBLE FUCK THIS SHOW I DESPISE IT

[chibivesicle]

HI. I`m in doubt about yuusaku`s murder. Did ogata really hate him or tsurumi manipulate ogata? also why tsurumi wants yuusaku be with him or he always wants ogata kill yuukasu?????

Hello, thanks for your question.

I currently have a cold, so I apologize if my reply isn’t as clear as I would like.

First off, I do not think Ogata hated Yuusaku enough to murder him.  if anything Ogata didn’t want anything to do with Yuusaku.

There are several different things that are all going on in chapters 164 & 165.

1.) We know that Ogata avoided Yuusaku on purpose.  He openly felt uncomfortable around him and did not want him to pay attention to him.

This was shown in the tankoban version of chapter 103.

It is clear that Ogata felt uncomfortable interacting with him for a number of reasons; he saw what a son who was loved by his father looked like; he drew [un]wanted attention to Ogata.  We still don’t know how Yuusaku found out Ogata was his older brother.  Yuusaku was likely thrilled to have a brother but never thought as to why he never knew about him until then.  Hanazawa is shown to be a man who is very concerned with his image, Ogata and his mother did not fit into his image.  We know that on some level Ogata yearned for acknowledgement from his father which he never received.  He may have even been more concerned about how his interaction with Yuusaku would only lead to more bullying in the 27th.

Somewhere along the way Tsurumi found out about this connection between the men.  Both Tsukishima and Maeyama see Yuusaku approaching Ogata while saying older brother in the revised chapter 103. 

It was clear than Tsurumi was already thinking about the plans for the gold during the end of the war when he and Tsukishima are recovering from their wounds.  We’ve seen Ogata, Tanigaki and Tsukishima all have flashbacks about how they will/are working for Tsurumi’s plans.  Chapter 164 heavily implies that Tsurumi has plans for Yuusaku if he can be corrupted and he uses Ogata to test him when they go to geisha/sex workers house.

Yuusaku plays right into Ogata’s hands since what he wants more than anything is for Ogata to reciprocate his interest in getting to know him as a brother.  He is more than willing to take any chance to “hang out with” Ogata.  He’s unaware that this is the test that was likely decided by Tsurumi to test his character.

Yuusaku is too starry eyed to even wonder why all of sudden Ogata takes him to see some ladies.  Come on Yuusaku, you are being blinded by your greed for a relationship with your brother who avoids you.  However, Yuusaku upholds his personal honor and does not cave into the temptation that Ogata puts in front of him as a brother …

Ogata makes sure his honor is upheld and has him taken out the back.  Only later when Tsurumi shows up, it is clear that he needs to determine if Yuusaku will be corrupted to work for their cause (aka work for him).

2.) Chapter 165 confirms that after Yuusaku proved incorruptible Tsurumi’s plan was for him to be shot by Ogata.  Ogata acknowledges the change in plan here.

So we as readers know that Yuusaku was on a list of members of the 27th to eliminate since he isn’t cut out for the future Ainu gold plan.  Ogata then takes Yuusaku out to see the Russian P.O.W. which had to have happened with the “blessings” of a commanding officer.  Yuusaku is freaking out that they will get caught and Ogata isn’t even concerned.

Ogata has observed (and perhaps others) that even though he’s a great flag bearer, he is not participating in the conflict directly.  This then leads to his conversation about how he needed to remain pure for the pain of all of the others participating in the war.  This then becomes a discussion of “father says”

This dialogue is telling as Hanazawa has essentially made his son sacrifice himself for his father’s honor and position.  He had the idea that he had to remain pure for the good of the other men and to do what his father told him.  Hanazawa has signed Yuusaku’s death certificate right there, so no matter what happens in the future it will be clear that he likely won’t live until the end of the war.

Ogata then responds by saying that men don’t feel guilt due to their actions on the battlefield which I think is a very misunderstood statement by Ogata.  As in many readers have misunderstood what he said.

Ogata has become so detached from his emotions since he was a child that he likely has told himself that he doesn’t feel any guilt.  If he doesn’t feel anything, he can’t hurt or be in pain because he’s buried it so far down.  By not acknowledging that he feels guilt he thinks he doesn’t feel anything.  He likely isn’t even aware anymore that he’s even doing this.

Yuusaku responds like the innocent, sheltered but kind individual he is.  He can’t believe that Ogata isn’t like that.  Ogata is likely confused and upset by these events.  He doesn’t want or desire Yuusaku’s attention or sympathy.  He likely is wondering where Yuusaku thinks he can say that he knows him.  The point is Yuusaku doesn’t know him; he didn’t know how he was abandoned, how his father in part lead to his mother losing it and Ogata isn’t in a place where he could even accept or desire sympathy from Yuusaku.  But Ogata spends most of his time keeping his emotions in check, so even though he likely feels these things during this moment, he isn’t going to say anything or do anything.  He doesn’t know how to respond so he just freezes.

3.) Yuusaku failed some sort of test and he raised the question that everyone should feel pain when killing others.

This is the complicated aspect of Ogata as a character;  chapters 164 & 165 made it very clear that Yuusaku had no future in the 27th under Tsurumi.  He didn’t have what it would take to do the dirty deeds that Tsurumi needed to do for the Ainu gold.  Therefore, I think Ogata shooting Yuusaku was in part a mercy kill.  He could have died in battle, or he could suffer a worse fate in the 27th if he lived to learn of the plans and then meet the fate that Captain Wada met being shot by Tsukishima.  The other aspect of this was likely him being egged on by his father’s words conveyed to him by Yuusaku. I could see Ogata also thinking - “Oh people don’t feel guilt when they shoot others?  Well, I’ll shoot you and prove to myself that I feel nothing.”.  This gets back at his father’s personal morals and ideology in regards to child rearing.  I always thought that when Ogata told Hanazawa that he shot Yuusaku it was in part to get a rile out of Hanazawa as well as to test if he would remember Ogata existed.  We know that he didn’t go find Ogata after Yuusaku’s death and we don’t know what Ogata was thinking after he shot him. 

What we did get from the fever dream is that deep down Ogata does feel something when he kills someone here.

The fever dream shows that he likely was subconsciously being held back by the guilt he felt over shooting Yuusaku among others.  It is just easier to notice since Yuusaku was much more “innocent” than others in the war. 

I think once Ogata finally recognizes the pain and guilt he that feels exists we will see Yuusaku’s eyes.  So to an extent, Ogata was manipulated by Tsurumi, but it was when he murdered Hanazawa that he realized he was being used by Tsurumi.  I don’t think Ogata ever hated Yuusaku, more that he didn’t want to get to know him as he would complicate his life further and he doesn’t have the best interpersonal skills to have even interacted with him honestly and openly.  This is the man who tortured all of his traveling companions from either saying nothing, making snarky remarks, or nagging about poor firearms practices.

I hope this clears up your confusion on the subject!  For your information @goldenkamuyhunting just answered a similar question with even more details and a slightly different angle.  Here is the link:

https://goldenkamuyhunting.tumblr.com/post/181587599193/i-dont-understand-why-tsurumi-want-yuusaku-by-his

[woes-of-a-love-sick-fool-blog]

The beginning

The worst feeling is being in love with someone at the wrong time, meaning it never seems like your path will ever align for you to be truly happy with the one person you heart truly ache for. It makes you question if you even know what love is or is it just a fevered dream you keep telling yourself is actually a reality. It's even worse when you're trying and trying again breaking up getting back together just for the same outcome it seems. The once beautiful facade is now left with cracks of uncertainty, fear and hurt. It's the hardest at night when your left alone with your own demons they yell and grab you by your already fragile heart saying they don't love you and never did. That's what I dont understand or really want to believe that the person you loved more then your first love couldn't return the love you have for them. It's hard to let go when the only place you feel home is with that one person that you cant have, you seem to lose all sense of reality. You keep falling for that one person no matter the time apart you realize you love them more and more. Your friends all say they are bad for you and they are playing with you but when you see that one person the world stops and you fall to your knees accepting that one moment hoping it could last forever only to have them slip away.

You see I'm let you know my story, but be warned it's still being written and I dont know how things will play out.

I was a boy who met a girl, you know how that goes boy meets girl they fall in love but this time it was different. The day I met my girl was supposed to be my last day on earth but she saw me just as I saw her in a crowd of people. The world for a moment stopped for me and I literally stopped in my tracks when I saw her, she was the most beautiful woman i had ever met. I dont just mean her looks, I saw her soul and I knew she saw mine, I instantly knew she would change my life I just didnt know she become my everything. It's funny I use to make fun of twilight and the imprinting bs but for the lack of a better word I think I did. All I knew was I would be anything or be anyone she needed. I would protect her no matter the cost because the cost of losing her is to much for me to bare. Sometimes I wish life was like a fairytale and I could say I rode my white horse up and swept her away then we both lived happily ever after but life isn't a fairy tell.

We broke up because we wasnt able to handle the feelings we felt because they was so new, we was filled with uncertainty and doubt. With that seed of doubt the people we thought was our friends helped it grow and tore us apart.

Now almost two years later she has someone new but she still messages me telling me she wants to come back home just she can't cause she has to get her life in order. I understand that I do but what she doesnt realizes is that I would live in a box just to be beside her again is all I want. So my friends all say she never loved you and she is bad for you, but I dont know if I'm blinded by love or if Its because I am in love with the girl I knew before all the bad things happened.

Almost two years apart and I feel like I'm going through life's motions up and down but it's like I'm not really here. It feels like she took apart of my soul, I dont feel complete without her here. I can say without a doubt I truly fell for the queen of hearts and she took my heart. I'm the kind of man that is a seeker of truth, that all I want because with the truth I can understand, my weakness and sometimes strength is the fact I want to understand human emotions because sometimes I fear I dont have it.

Everyone thinks I'm okay cause I do everything in my power to mock the situations I'm introduced to rather its interacting with people or just being silent observing people. I dont understand how or what I feel the only time I seem to understand is with women who took my heart. I dont know what to do I'm dying to be able to feel and understand truly what I feel but I fear I have pretend to feel for to long that when I actually feel I wont be able to tell.

My demons are my worse enemies like my friends they say your just in love with the past its different now, they say you wont let go cause your scared you will regret walking away if it is something real. Honestly the only thing I'm scared of is losing her, I fear not being able to have her in my life, I fear that my demons are right she never loved me and I was the best game boy she could have ever played.

My heart say she really loves me but my demons says she only wants you around cause you are her comfort zone. So I just want to understand what I should do so I am writing this in hopes I can come to some epiphany moment will occur.

[rorynne]

My room mate has been watching a kids show that was really popular on tumblr a while back, and I tend to just vibe in the living room with them while its playing just cause i like being around people. Im that dog that follows their owner into every room.

ANYWAY, i won't name the name of it because it doesnt REALLY matter and this is negative so i dont want it to be accidentally found through searching. But oh my god i have to constantly remind myself its meant for kids because of how bad it is. I legitimately can not understand why my tumblr circle at the time seemed to always post about it.

The youngest character literally has more emotional maturity than the literal oldest. The primary female protagonist is just... insufferable in that way that you know she was only written to have the illusion of a strong tough girl character but quickly crumbles to nothing anytime any kind of conflict happens. She also has the emotional intelligence of a newly birthed brick. Like no fucking shit you didnt want to kill someone who has never hurt you. It shouldnt be the 6 year olds job to tell you that you do, infact, have empathy. Like theres having difficulty understanding or bringing words to your emotion, and then theres whatever shes got going on where a literal 4 year old should be able to understand "murder would make me feel bad".

Abd yeah, sure, cultural things might come into play but like, the only cultural shit that ever comes up so far is how her people are NOTHING like the racist caricatures the humans made. Which thats great, fair stuff. But like, why the fuck are you acting the way you are. Why are you acting like the very idea of maturity is a fever dream. Why do you act like you're careful and planned out one moment, getting angry at your friends for not doing the same. And yet, will turn around and do the exact kind of shit you got angry at them for?

Then the other half of the characters are all just so... one dimensional. Most fleshed out character is literally just knock off Sokka. We're 10 episodes in and I dont even understand the big bad guys deal yet they (the writers) legitimately cant figure out if they wanted to be subtle about it or blatant about it as kid shows will often do. Even the secondary antagonists are bland as hell.

And honestly i probably wouldn't even care so much about any of it if the simple fact that tumblr seemed to think it was amazing was constantly running through my mind. The only thing I can really credit it for is being a very nicely diverse cast in many ways even ones that are very often over looked. Its a decent kids show, sure, but i was literally working off the idea that it was on par with shows like avatar.

[comradebogart]

one more long ass letter for october part two because its that long

That's two minutes of freedom, if you ask me. Which you won't because I feel like I'm not even the one you're thinking about right now. I want you to think about me, though. Not that it would help any of us or anything. Yesterday I dreamt about you. You asked me if I loved you and when I said yes you asked me to let you go. I don't really care about dreams. I don't understand them. I love you. It used to feel weird to say that without you hearing it. Now it's sort of an everyday thing for me. I'm not even listening to the songs anymore. Ah, the playlist is over. Ran out of John Mayer songs that could hurt me. But, come on, would it kill you to try and find me? Sometimes I just remember random things. Like that time you ate a sandwhich and held my hand the entire time. Or that time you asked me to give you a massage and when I rubbed your back dirt came out. That was funny. I just did that laugh where you sort of just exhale through your nose or something. Funny. I was ironing my clothes the other day and I remembered the first time I saw all your dirty underwear stacked in a corner. I loved you so much more after that. That's right, you find an intelligent woman who is so breathtaking, and the moment you see her dirty little quirks you just can't help but love her even more. I always hated it when you didn't do the things I asked you to do. Like the dishes. I used to come home and you'd run like hell and start washing them. Funny as hell. What a strange girl you are. Flung out of space. That's from Carol. I used to think of Rooney Mara when I fucked you. Sorry, made love to you. You used to say it was never just sex with me. Or maybe I said that. I don't remember. The night we met we slept together. No sex or anything. We made out and just slept together. God, even then I knew no one could be just as soft. Everyone else is second best. Not that you're perfect or anything. Boy, were you a pain in the ass sometimes. Sometimes I literally had to demand an apology from you. You were also mean in a funny way. I didn't always like it. Sometimes you were so reckless with your words. No fucking filter at all. Mean as fuck. It's like the part of your brain that's supposed to weigh the pros and cons of things doesn't work. I loved you anyway. If I'm being honest I always thought your friend was pretty. You kept saying I had a crush on her. Boy, she's pretty but she's not you. That's enough reason. I realized we never really fought over the phone. We both liked to say, we'll talk about it later. I liked that. When I was a kid, everytime I got sick my mother always said that if she could take my pain and make it hers, she would. What a fantastic thing to say. It didn't heal my fever or anything. I guess I'm saying that because I don't think I would ever do that. Or even think about doing that. I surely don't love you enough to make your pain mine. And believe me, I already love you too much. Mothers are amazing like that. Always fucking unbelievable. Do you, though? Do you love me enough to make my pain yours? I mean I'd go through hell with you, but I guess I won't do it for you. Interesting. I just realized that. Damn it my mother's love dwarfed my love for you. Now I feel smaller than ever. Now I feel like I want you to read this or whatever. Maybe when I die. Remember when Burke told Cristina, I love you. What the hell is the matter with you that you just won't let me? I just want you to let me. This is a long ass letter. I honestly don't care. I just remembered the time we went biking. You were so tired because the pedals on your bike were giving you a hard time your legs were starting to hurt. We exchanged bikes after a while. Fuck. I guess I did take your pain and made it mine. In that super small gesture. I really do love you, dont I? I guess I took care of you alright. I just remembered the first time we showered together. You gave me a bath because I was super drunk. If I had hint of sobriety in me I never would have let you do that because I'm not the biggest fan of my body.

[sadrien]

Do you have any finished stuff you can share with us pretty please? Or long snips???? :D

i looked through my drive and i dont have many things finished. i have about 50 wips, but nothing actually done. 

i do have this chapter of a theater au i started last summer though. (i honestly havent looked at it since then so i apologize for whats probably very questionable writing) i stopped because of how unsure i was about theater in france and wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to write a story with such an inaccurate and americanized portrayal

but here, sans editing, is what wouldve been chapter one of paper stars

[let me know if there are issues opening the read more and ill post on ao3 or something because i know mobile breaks sometimes]

Marinette’s sketchbooks and bags are dumped on the floor, slowly taking over an entire row in the very back of the theater. Nino had asked her if she was moving in, like he doesn’t have a blanket and pillow stored in the light booth.

She doesn’t have to be here, but she’s always liked watching auditions. She doesn’t like having to audition — the thought makes her slightly nauseous — but watching them is always entertaining. It’s fascinating to see how people play their characters when they first audition compared to how they play them opening night. And the song choices sometimes lean towards the more humorous side. She missed the first day of auditions because she had to help out at the bakery and from Nino’s stories, she should’ve been there. Kim auditioned for the part of the fairy godmother, and supposedly, Alix has it on video. Marinette has to see that one.

There are also things that Marinette greatly dislikes about auditions. But at least no one has sang Popular yet this year.

Marinette leaves where she had been sitting with Nino near the front of the auditorium to move back to her stuff. Watching Juleka’s audition gave her sudden inspiration for a costume and she needs to doodle it before it vanishes forever.

It doesn’t matter though, because as soon as she sees the boy holding her sketchbook in his hand, the design is gone from her mind and replaced with frustration. When she sees the ripped out pages on top of it, her mind goes completely red. “Hey!” she snaps. “What do you think you’re doing with that?!” She snatches the sketchbook and pages away from him.

He blinks in surprise. “I—”

Chloé and Sabrina start laughing. Marinette hadn’t even noticed them sitting back here on her way over. She narrows her eyes and puts her hands on her hips. “Oh very funny, nice job, you three.”

The boy looks panicked. Marinette can’t seem to care, he shouldn’t have been going through her stuff. And he definitely shouldn't have been tearing pages from her sketchbook. “No no, I was—”

“Don’t touch other people’s things!” Marinette scoops up her bags as Chloé and Sabrina continue to laugh. She gives the boy a once over. “You’re friends with Chloé, aren’t you?” she asks, unimpressed.

“Yeah, but—”

“Hmph.” Marinette picks up her other sketchbooks. She’ll go back to sitting in the front with Nino. Away from Chloé, away from Sabrina, away from whoever this is.

“Yo, I thought you were gonna go into your zone,” Nino says as she drops down with all of her bags. He eyes her full arms. “Are you leaving?”

“No,” she grumbles. “Just Chloé being Chloé.”

“Did she try to steal your designs again?” Nino asks, voice dangerous.

“She didn’t.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Sabrina?”

“No, a boy had my sketchbook and Chloé was laughing and he had—” She shakes her head and shoves the ripped out pages at Nino. If she keeps talking she’s going to burst into tears and she is not giving Chloé the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

Nino takes the pages from her and twists around his seat. Marinette knows his gaze is sweeping the room and he’s ready to jump out of his seat to fight someone. “Wait hold on,” he taps Marinette’s shoulder, “was it that blond kid who’s sitting next to Chloé and looks a little like he’s going to puke?”

She turns around with a sigh, her eyes immediately landing on the boy. “Yes,” she mutters. “I’ve never even seen him before, but somehow Chloé has her nails inch deep in him already.”

“Yeah, he doesn’t go here,” Nino says softly, as someone steps onto the stage and announces his name. “His name’s Adrien. He’s homeschooled, but him and Chloé are friends. Maybe their families are close or something, I don’t know.”

“Homeschooled?” Marinette whispers back once he’s finished singing and is walking offstage. “Then why is he here? To torment me?”

Nino snorts. “Overdramatic much?”

“This is the drama club,” she points out.

“True. But nah, he auditioned. You would know that if you weren’t half an hour late,” he says pointedly.

“I had to run an errand.” It isn’t really a lie? Saving a cat from a tree could totally count as an errand, right? Ladybug has to save all felines, not just Chat Noir. So she got a little distracted, she really doesn’t have to be here right now. All she’s officially doing is costumes and possibly props and sets if they need any help. Makeup and hair because they always need extra help with those. She loves watching auditions, but now she’s regretting coming. “He auditioned? But I thought you said he was homeschooled?”

“Yeah, he was actually really good. And apparently we’ve got some policy about letting people who don’t have drama programs at their schools to join ours.” Nino shrugs. “The first I’ve heard of it.”

“Probably Chloé’s doing,” Marinette grumbles.

“But he’s a dick?” Nino crosses his arms and sinks back in his seat. “Should’ve guessed it when he walked in with Chloé. Who’s surprised? No one!”

Marinette sighs. “At least she didn’t see any of my designs this time.”

“Uh, well, I mean… Adrien did.”

“So?”

Nino raises his eyebrows and pulls his phone out of his pocket. “Did you not recognize him? Like at all?”

“I mean, he looks a little familiar,” Marinette admits.

“Mar, I honestly thought you were more in the know with this.”

“What do you mean?”

Nino hands her his phone. “Adrien, Adrien Agreste.”

Marinette gasps and takes his phone from him. “The son of my favorite designer?” She turns to look at Adrien again. “Great. Another entitled rich kid.” She flips through the pictures from Adrien’s latest shoot. “Entitled rich child star.”

Nino hums in agreement as the next audition starts.

Marinette debates just dying now. Why wait for tech week when she already has reasons for death? Then she won’t even have to deal with the drama of the cast being announced. She sighs and sinks down into her seat.

Nino ruffles her hair. “Don’t die on me yet, Mari. I can’t deal with Chloé on my own.”

“Fine,” she mutters. “Only for you though.”

She rolls her eyes when Chloé gets up onstage, flipping her hair and taking over the stage with big, large motions. She has the aura of someone who knows they’re good and knows they’ve gotten the part and honestly, it makes Marinette feel a little ill. How confident all of Chloé’s motions are makes her wish she could she could match her. She’s never able to. She can dream.

“Where are all those adoring daring boys?” Chloé sings. “Where's the knight pining so for me…” She looks directly at Adrien and Marinette makes a face.

“Get a room you two,” Nino mutters.

Marinette bites the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing.

Chloé tosses her hair over her shoulder. “Shall I not be on a pedestal, worshipped and competed for?”

“Are we sure this wasn’t written for her?” he asks.

Marinette slaps his shoulder and shushes him.

After Chloé, the rest of auditions goes off without a hitch. Aside from Adrien, Marinette has seen almost everyone who has auditioned before, either in previous musicals or in the school’s winter play a few weeks ago— which had been small and nearly fell apart but they got through it and that was what matters. 

“What do you think?” Nino asks as Marinette packs up and tries to figure out how to minimize all her baggage. 

“I think that the drama this year is going to be ridiculous,” she mutters. “That’s what happens when you have a show with a big lead as opposed to a more equal ensemble.” 

Nino rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah maybe not the smartest choice considering our cast.” 

Marinette gives him a look. “You get to hide out in the light booth. I have to deal with everyone backstage.” 

Nino shakes his head. “Rest in peace, Mar. This is going to be a rough one. I can feel it.” 

Ladybug has decided that she has mixed feelings about patrols in the winter. The rooftops are almost always too icy or snow covered for her and Chat to really be on them, and although their suits keep them fairly warm, her face always feels like it’s beginning to freeze. At the same time, it keeps her from getting cabin fever. It gives her a breath of cold, fresh air. It’s a nice escape. Especially after rough days. Or at least, usually it is.

“What’s wrong?” she asks Chat.

He lifts his chin from his hand in surprise.

“Don’t act surprised, kitty,” she says, bumping their shoulders together. “You’re sulking.”

“I’m not sulking,” he murmurs, turning his gaze out to the city.

Ladybug arches an eyebrow. “You’re something.” In the months she’s known him, she doesn’t think she’s ever seen him so…reserved. So quiet and still. She doesn’t think she likes it very much.

Chat sighs and leans back on his hands. “It has to do with my civilian life, do you really want to know?”

She weighs the pros and cons quickly. “If it’s bothering you, then yes.”

“I just…” He groans. “I had a chance today. I met some new people and I had a chance to make friends and I—” He laughs bitterly. “I majorly screwed up. And they all hate me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Ladybug says quickly.

Chat runs a hand through his hair. “I did. One person yelled at me because— I mean, she had the right to. But it wasn’t only that. It was one of the people I knew before them, my friend who actually was the reason I was there. I don’t think they like her very much. And…I don’t think they want to give me a chance because of that.”

Ladybug scowls. “That’s bullshit.”

“It’s really not,” he mumbles. “My friend did something today and I… I hadn’t seen that side of her before. Either that or I was too blinded by the fact that she was one of my only friends to notice.”

Ladybugs hums. She can't entirely relate. She's always been surrounded by friends, she's lucky that way. Nino and her have been following each other around since they were in diapers. Even if they’ve only reconnected this year after a few years of barely talking, she’s never been without countless people she could consider her friends. “They shouldn't be judging you solely on your other friends,” she decides.

Chat looks down to his hands. “I know but… Even then, I should have explained myself better today instead of just…letting things happen to me.”

She can't imagine Chat being the type of person not to take action. Is he really so different underneath the mask? “You made a mistake,” she says after a moment. “You just admitted it to me, so admit it to them. And if they're worth your time, they'll understand and forgive you. If not—” She shrugs. “If not, you have me.”

He stares at her, greens eyes wide in surprise. “I do?”

How off guard he is almost hurts her. “Of course you do, kitten,” she promises. “We're partners.”

“Partners,” Chat repeats softly.

“Always.”

Marinette can say callbacks are her favorite part of auditions. The dance auditions can be entertaining and the tensions for callbacks can be terrifyingly high, but there’s something about callbacks that’s just so appealing. The way people grab onto roles and firmly plant their feet in them as if to shout ‘this is me and I’ll prove it to you’. A defiance, a determination to earn the role. To take the role as their own and breathe life into it.

Callbacks are when Marinette can really begin to see a show coming to life. The life will fade out for a few weeks after the cast is announced. The flame flickers and dims. And then the actors will find themselves again and the production will burst into light.

Marinette hates auditioning. She misses it with a burning passion.

She watches Chloé dominate the stage like she does every year. Personally, she thinks that Chloé is a little too…loud and present for the role for Cinderella. She’s missing something soft and gentle. But Marinette and Nino sit hidden in the back — technically they aren’t supposed to be here — and make quiet notes to each other. Chloé is getting the role.

Adrien is…frustratingly good. He’s maybe a little too withdrawn at the moment, he hasn’t entirely figured out how to project properly, but he falls into the role of Prince Topher with such ease that it’s a little unsettling. He so easily plays innocent and naive, unexposed to the world around him. It makes Marinette’s blood boil.   

Both her and Nino are keeping running lists of who they think will get what roles on their phones. Whoever gets the most right has the buy the other Starbucks before rehearsal every Monday. Neither of them even have to be at Monday rehearsals for a while, but neither of them have anything better to do. So they’ll be there with their expensive and caffeinated drinks goofing off while everyone else is trying to learn music.

Okay, well, Marinette will work on making the costume book and Nino might play around with some lighting ideas if he’s allowed up in the booth. Other than that they’ll just be goofing around.

She watches Adrien and Chloé read lines together with a scowl on her face.

“How long do you think they practiced together,” Nino whispers to her.

“How much do you think they spent on acting and vocal coaches?” she whispers back.

Nino snorts and switches one of the names on his cast list.

Marinette sits back and tries to enjoy the rest of callbacks. She feels a twinge of anger whenever Chloé or Adrien are onstage, but mostly she can relax and doodle. She soaks in the atmosphere of the auditorium. Something about theater that has been missing from her life since last year’s show ended. The play doesn’t have the same feeling, it’s more relaxed and taken less seriously and is honestly kind of a joke. The musical— it’s an experience that she can’t figure out how to recreate.

She sighs when callbacks end and snap her back to reality.

“You good?” Nino asks. “I can grab some stuff for you if you want.”

“It’s okay,” she promise.

“You’re walking—”

“So are you,” Marinette points out. “In the other direction. Don’t worry, I carried it all the school, I can get it home.”

Nino laughs. “Don’t doubt it, my dude. See you bright and early for physics.”

She groans. “Don’t remind me.” She stays in her seat, finishing her last design as the auditorium clears out. She glances over it again before groaning and drawing an x through it.

“It’s too late for this, Tikki,” she murmurs as she gathers up her bags.

“Get some rest, Mari,” Tikki coos. “It’s been a long day and you didn’t get much sleep with the long patrol.”

“Nothing new,” Marinette says with a smile. “I’m used to it.”

“You still deserve a full night’s rest,” Tikki says, nuzzling Marinette’s cheek. “Crooks and criminals be damned. Let’s get home.”

Marinette rubs her arms as she steps outside. Tikki zips into her purse as Marinette shivers. It was way colder than she remembered it being. Tiny snowflakes fall to the ground. And her jacket was sitting on her bed where she forgot it this morning. Fantastic.

“Hey.”

Marinette tenses and looks away as Adrien steps up next to her. If there’s anything she doesn’t need tonight, it’s him.

She can feel his eyes on her. On her and on her bags. She doesn’t want to be judged right now.

“I…I just wanted you to know,” he says softly. She doesn’t want to listen. “Your sketchbook— I didn’t rip it. I didn’t even mean to look at it. I was trying to see if I could fix it.”

Marinette turns to look at him in surprise. He…what?

Adrien is staring out into the street, watching the snow. “I’ve…never been to school before,” he admits. “I haven’t had many friends. This is…kind of new to me.”

Marinette doesn’t know what to say to that. All of the anger that she’d felt has just bubbled up and evaporated and has been replaced by…something else. Something kind of empty and confused.

Adrien sighs and unzips his jacket, pulling it off and holding it out to Marinette in one smooth motion. She hesitates and just stares at it for a moment before putting down her bags and taking it from him, their fingers brushing as she does.   

She puts it on and pulls up the hood, surprised to find that she can no longer see.

“Uh…” Adrien bursts out laughing.

Marinette pushes back the hood with covered hands. The jacket is far too big, coming halfway down her thighs and making her look like she’s swimming in it. And his laugh makes her fill with butterflies and her heart feel like it’s going to explode. It’s infectious, and she finds herself laughing along with him.

Adrien sighs and smiles, motioning to the car that just pulled up to the school. “I’ll see you at rehearsal.”

Marinette doesn’t even react, she just stares at him as he walks away. Until she realizes that she really needs to respond. “Yes! See yo— rehear- rehearsal. Rehearsal see you… You…” She presses her hand to her forehead. “Ugh, why am I stuttering so much?”

Tikki flies out of her purse, giggling. “I think I know why!”

“I—!” Marinette blushes and buries her nose in the collar of Adrien’s coat.

Tikki nuzzles Marinette’s cheek. “Let’s get home before the snow gets through his nice coat.”

Marinette gathers up her bags and smiles to Tikki. The coat is helping keep her warm, but Adrien’s laugh warms her more. “Yeah, let’s go.”

[atianassong]

i don’t want to say too much here and let myself sink too deep into my thoughts the way i always do because i think for the first time in awhile things might feel good or normal enough to just relax and enjoy the moments as they come. i think that come september and in the future (god willing that everyone doesnt start fighting and being crazie again), it’ll feel like this really terrible, fever dream, rollercoaster of a spring and summer are over and maybe we’ll find some peace. i know life will be different and it’ll probably be an adjustment to the new pace of things but that doesn’t mean bad. 

i guess on another note but somewhat related, he’s here and i’m really so grateful for that fact. i didn’t want to be too persistent with how much i missed him or being excited for him to come home because i knew being in texas was important and good for him but not spending time with him for this many months? honestly gross and i never want to do that again. we’ve been through so much this year already and that doesn’t just go away and things aren’t just instantly perfect but maybe we’re better because of it. idk, i dont really care either way. i’m just glad. maybe i haven’t said it in so many words and maybe i have but the only thing that’s made me feel genuine happiness over the past couple of months is him being sober and doing so well and getting to be proud of him. nothing else has really mattered as much as that or maybe nothing else really matters as much as him.