#but honestly at this point if i dont post it ill never finish it

[naumin]

2024 retrospective and 2025 goals

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hi :)

i'm really happy with everything i achieved in 2024. it was my first year illustrating full time, meaning no school and no salaried job on the side (believe me i tried to get one) and i'm happy to report i did not die! fuck yes. i even illustrated for 7 (i think) art books, designed merch for 2 and organised my first collab fanbook.

from top left clockwise: michael deforge, anna haifisch, Michel Esselbrügge, CLAMP, saul bass, jon whitcomb, rene gruau, paul rand, molly fairhurst

at the beginning of 2024 i made this moodboard for influences i wanted to incorporate into my work more, they are pretty much the same faves ive had for years but i just wanted to have them in front of me and start deliberately choosing elements to ape.

i'd say i basically want to incorporate more 2D cartoon graphic elements combined with detailed, realistic, delicately rendered characters, more theatric background design and props... features like borders etc. the thing about a moodboard is unless you print it out and put it up by your desk it will sort of slide to the back of your mind which is what i think happened w mine LOL. cuz looking at this now im like well i didnt really hit all these ideas but i did inch closer.

the first pic here is sth i drew immediately after making the board and i like it but it does feel like a slightly clumsy attempt at mashing stuff together... i wouldn't say that it shows i dont understand whats appealing about the work i was referencing (even though thats how it looks), its more like the picture goes in an unexpected direction while making it LOL. but that's part of the fun. whereas in my mind the 2nd pic spiritually embodies the ideas of the ppl i'm trying to copy. even tho visually it's still a ways off. its probably my favourite thing i drew all year? :) though that's hard to say bcus i'm so pleased w so many other pieces especially those u can see on my summary pic!!!

i have a few more artists i wanna add to my board and then i will definitely print it this time so i can look at it every day instead of just twice a year LOL.

another thing im really pleased about is the number of comics i drew in 2024. i have this odd relationship with comics where i do draw them and have for years and im more or less decent at them but i act like drawing them mortally wounds me. like im so dramatic... i do partially believe the only way ill ever be able to complete a longform comic is through abusing stimulants but you know ill also never find out if i keep crawling off to die after inking a page. i see a lot of illustrators suffering when approaching comics from the illustration mindset of making beautiful pictures instead of the comics mindset of making finished pictures, but u know, im extremely slapdash as an illustrator and im also proud enough to believe im a guy that can do both, so its really time i act like it... basically just shut up and draw. i want to apply this especially to perspective drawing/panel backgrounds, which im, like, fine at. honestly fine at. i do think i trip myself up because i want to be the next dostoevsky or beyonce or whatever, i want to be great, but have to remember the most anyone can do is aspire to express something from your inner world. everything else is secondary.

one thing i learned the hard way is how hard it is to have work life balance when you work from your bedroom and 'monestise your hobby'... you know, the thing everyone has been warning each other about for years. turns out its real. its super confusing when so many elements of your work bleed into your social life, physical health, leisure time etc -- like i go online for fun, and also to promote myself. so wheres the distinction? i watch movies for entertainment but also for research... ive definitely felt like ive been working around the clock or my job has consumed my life at points. but i think being stricter with my work hours is the way forward. it truly is shaytan at the wheel when u answer an email at 3AM... no more of this!

and tied into this is being realistic about what i can achieve in a day and not feeling ashamed or that i need to do more... i get stuck in this silly loop that's like... 'i believe everyone should work 4 hours a day, but because other people are stuck working 40 hours a week i should also be making myself do that' and then i work myself into a flare up and wreck my work ethic and enjoyment. u can laugh... i know it doesnt make sense. well i wont do it any more. because i CANT... because i will DIE... some days i work 4 hours. some days i work 6. some days i work half an hour... it doesnt matter as long as stuff gets done.. and it does.

also want to talk about my chronic pain and hypermobility... after a year of lifting weights i am stunned to let u know ive actually improved. unfortunately i dont look anything like the rock and i still cant do a real push up but im stronger and have more stamina and suffer from way less zaps and aches and numbness, which was unthinkable before. i only really noticed after taking a trip and doing different activities (painting walls) that i can physically do a lot more than i usually do at home. but also my house is fucking cold so its hard to do anything for anyone. hoping for warmer days and big muscles to come.

some of my other art goals are to work more on paper whenever i can. i used to have a huge stack of newsprint on my drawing board underneath my ipad and id doodle and test ideas on that paper before drawing it digitally. i wanna do that again. many people find its easier to 'think' on paper and im the same. whenever i have an idea i wanna go 'what would this look like on paper?' and then find out.

i want to be thinking about composition and storytelling more in my illustrations, as in, think cinematic, movie posters, communicating big ideas. even if that idea is only as big as 'this blue looks great with this orange'... i want to make more stuff that looks like promotional material for my stories. of course behind every movie poster is 100,000 thumbnails and sketches and half-finished ideas. i want to remember that and not be hard on myself for drawing girl in profile #997.

i want to draw more autobio comics, just to be drawing more comics and also to look back on and know what i was doing that day. nothing fancy. a lot of people are doing that gentle comics habit this year and i fear my competitive nature may get me into it too.

i have more books i wanna create which ive talked about at length in my last diary entry and for now i think that's enough goals thank you very much. thank you for reading this far and for all your support. happy new year! love you x

[stackslip]

augh yeah as much as i do love the parts of COS that are very obviously trying to do something competent and genuine, the amestris parts are just so ????

ill be honest, im pretty sure i blocked those scenes out, so remembering that what happened on the amestris side is. yikes

definitely wish the movie was more focused and didnt try to add as much as it did. especially roy -- i dont mind the beginning, hell i think him exiling himself to the north is a good concept, but the fact that he takes back his position (iirc) is just. so are we throwing away the character development and him realizing that he CANT change the military from the inside or what.

in general i honestly wanted to see less of the military cast. they frankly dont have much reason to be there other than the fact people wanted to see them (esp armstrong... just. WHY). im sure there are still ways to work in roy if the creators really wanted him to be there but like. idk! they sure didnt have to do it like that! we couldve spent more time on exploring noah as a character. or let izumi die on screen. sigh

been a while since i rewatched COS but thanks for pointing out all the weird stuff, i'd almost forgotten it and i honestly shouldn't.

(and of course i have to say i love your posts on the series proper. i will never be normal about scar. ever)

the second i saw roy in there i was like why is roy still in the military at all. wasn't his whole arc about realizing that he can't do shit within the military because it is an institution built on atrocities and exploitation? why is he still in it then. why is he talking about serving his country. why's he talking about waiting for ED that makes no fucking SENSE. (why is he alive. someone said they thought roy was supposed to die by the end of 03 but they kept him alive bc he's a fan fave and i wholly believe this frankly). why is the country's military still seemingly intact with a whole surveillance network, when 03 ended on the military being severely crippled and amestris's neighbours getting ready to invade it and bring it to its knees? why are we literally seeing *the fucking weimar republic* in cos only for amestris to not parallel it in any way and instead be the brotherhood-type funland where once you've taken out the mean führer, everything is fine and there's nothing to fix?

and like. this is a short movie right! i know that they were denied a season, maybe even a season and a half to finish off the show and that some elements of cos were meant to be in the og show's ending. and it shows! bc again munich is fucking reasonably competent considering how much is crammed in on hour thirty. and i know that cos's production was also rushed as hell and that as an Anime Movie they were contractually obligated to 1) put as many recurring fan faves in as possible 2) have at least a third of the movie be a big action scene. so like. i can understand the limits. you have no time, you're told you have to put all this shit in, you want to finish off the brothers' story at the very least. but my gd! you're telling me you had an izumi death scene and it doesn't happen??? you could cut roy out ENTIRELY from this. you could not put ARMSTRONG IN LIORE. you could..... i know they had no time at all, i know once again it was 03 being shafted by production committees and time and budget but it's legit insane how the very stupid and seemingly innocuous choice of having armstrong "rebuild" liore comedically completely slapped me out of whatever headspace cos had managed to slip me in before. i was enjoying it a lot until we got to amestris. and this armstrong thing, followed by rose's line here:

it's just. it's almost comedic. i'm almost wondering if the writer is fucking with me here and acknowledging just how stupid it is to put armstrong doing alchemy in liore is. probably not but gd this is bad. this is brotherhood levels of obliviousness to the themes.

anyhow i'm not finishing cos tonight bc i'm too pissed about it lol. it's funny bc for years i was told it was bad but for the opposite reasons that it's actually bad. like folks kept saying the munich parts were bad/stupid/wrong and made no sense when to me they're by far the most thematically coherent and interesting/emotional bits of it. i LOVE the relationship between noah and ed. and like, i know the bar is is in hell when it comes to depicting roma on screen, but i can't help but appreciate the little and big ways both noah and her people get humanized, how they feel like the most real and concrete part of this world ed insists is a dream or hell. but really, genuinely noah is so good, alfons's weird crush on ed is hysterical, the general atmosphere and research around 1923 munich seems genuinely thoughtful (and it also tells me that the writers had been thinking about this long, long before even 03 ended). i genuinely believe that making munich! hugues a nazi sympathizer and a racist is a really inspired and brave choice that makes the audience reflects THEIR hugues and how the amestrian military behaved. so anyhow these parts are good, genuinely. it's sad that that's the first third and then you get thrown into this mess, and there's still a whole stupid nazi battle to come. it's stupid. it's stupid especially bc there's a genuine part of the movie that IS smart and thoughtful. it'd be so much easier if all of it were bad, or if the difference between the writing in each part weren't so obvious. anyhow. i wanna finish cos bc i wanna see wrath's arc end and envy eating hoheinheim and ed/al reunion and more of noah. but also i think i'm gonna be writing off large chunks of it lol.

(also thank you very much, i'm trying to preach 03 to whoever i can whenever i can. appreciate the love)

[drowninnoodles]

hey there! I saw your post about the pedo accusations, (https://www.tumblr.com/drowninnoodles/759585692034760704/ill-tell-you-honestly-i-dont-know-who-among-you?source=share) and I think it’s completely unfair and stupid. That is an awful thing to accuse someone of just out of nowhere! I have an assumption though that it’s because you talk to minors about some stuff, (I think their name was Skyler?) but that also come with the fact that you don��t even know how old they are so how would you know if it was okay? You never even directed any jokes on them!

Ok so i feel like i really need to explain it:

I come from an environment where everything is about sex, to the point where people in class watch porn on the back benches. I've never been able to fit in with people, and I'm one of those people who can handle everything with a joke. The conversations with the people I met were the first people I talked to in my life of my own free will, without knowing what was okay and what wasn't. What is a red flag for others was a normal thing for me because I was used to it.

Damn, when I was still a minor, people in class would talk about how great it was to fuck, you know? I assumed that this is something that everyone does.

I hate that it sounds like I'm putting myself in the victim's shoes, but damn, I lived like that for 17 years without any contact with the normal world, I still don't fully understand boundaries, but I've learned since then. (Autism is terrible when it comes to interpersonal relationships)

To those who know me closely, including Skyler, they know that I am actually a sex repulsed asexual. Also, I was still a minor at that time, from what I remember, because I hadn't talked to most of the people I knew for a long time.

Does that make sense? You can judge for yourself, but I assure you that I never intend to harm others. I finished school and I'm no longer in touch with my class and I feel like I've been revived.

Since it's the internet, a lot of people probably won't understand that someone might not know what's okay and what's not, but damn, you'd be surprised what's considered the norm in my environment💀

So if you can, I would appreciate your understanding, I've grown up a bit since then. I'm 19 years old and I really don't want to have my life wasted just because I have a warped view of the world.

[terraliensvent]

Not a vent’ asking a question. Out of genuine curiosity do you actually like Terraliens as a species? A majority of CS vent blogs seemingly want the species to die or fail as an end result.

Isn’t the whole point of vent blogs to give people a space to actively point out problems to make the community better as a whole. Reblog to make it die faster or run out of the community feels conflicting to what the blog is actually supposed to achieve. Do you want it to get better? It seems like you do. Or are you actually hoping it gets worse to increase engagement.

So general question would be do you hate Terraliens? What’s the end goal for you? 🤔

this is a loaded question for me at the moment haha

personally, ive been in terras since april 2023, so basically since the start. ive seen every controversy pretty much first hand, was an avid reader of the terra blogs previous to mine, and terras was the first species i put my whole heart in and tried to interact with the community in. initially i really wanted the species to get better, when they had the suggestion threads i was an avid poster

then over and over again mods just kept failing in the simplest of ways. this blog was made february of 2024, a few months after the first psa and ownership change. i still thought terras could be good but there were just too many blockers, esp from coy and civ after learning some behind the scenes info from the psa

then the Reckoning came and i hoped it really would go down, if only that meant making the species totally open

when tycho became owner i really was hopeful considering the facts that previous mods completely disavowed vent blogs like mine, but shortly before he became owner tycho reached out to ask my thoughts on stuff around the species (you can see that in my post about The Reckoning), when the species fell in his lap i honestly thought there was going to be big change. for a while there was, like new assets in the item channels, feedback forms, etc. but then there were also the nagging issues that never went away from before, like hiring friends for staff, weird unspoken rules, and a horrible approval process

for the past few days ive been thinking, man this really doesnt seem like its worth it. the same issues are starting to pop up again, and the mods currently just twist and turn making up their justifications for moving the goalpost. i dont like a lot of the new designs, dont really have any myos i want to make, and im not pulled in by the new events.

my end goal initially when making this blog was that i wanted terras to get better and make the easy changes everyone wanted, but now i think the better course of action would be for it to die. make it an open species and just let people run with it, because over the 2 and a half years of this species there has never once been such an attitude of unity and happiness among terra community than on that one night in april where the species WAS open.

honestly? im days away from voiding all my terras and fucking all the way off (ill still stay in the server though, i couldnt imagine anyone else running this blog and i think its become a necessary place for everyone. i imagine there would be at least some outcry if i were to shut it down, lol). once i finish my current obligations, im trading all my shit. its exhausting to have been doing this back and forth for improvement for over 2 years now, and its just so much more effort than its worth when i could be putting my whole heart into other up-and-coming projects. it hurts when a thing you really loved and found happiness in just has too many glaring issues to ignore

i think its a bad look when most of your oldest members who have been there since near day 1 decide this shit isnt worth it anymore and want to be done with it. its a bad look when someone who cared so much to make full essays about this species on an entire blog dedicated to it decides that its just not worth trying to "fix" anymore.

and i kind of hope a lot of other members come to that same conclusion and cause it to die.

[bluejelly8]

so i am sobbing uncontrollably after finishing Midnight Mass and I'm really glad i didn't see it sooner. Its very good but i was not in the place to see it or process it then and im still not sure if i am now, but i am typing this in tears because god fucking dammit I have lived pieces of that show.

little pieces, tiny pieces, but those pieces changed and defined so much of my life and in many ways still do.

For starters, Riley and I share a name and an attitude with the church. I have had the same conversation he had with his father at the beginning of the show many, many, times. I have been made to sit through my own confirmation and see the entire congregation look over at me as i sat in the pew because my fucking name was still in the hand out listing the confirmation candidates. My best friend got confirmed to appease her parents, but i was stubborn and i wouldnt on principle. That doesnt really matter and i dont want to ramble, but needless to say, going into this show i knew it would be emotionally heavy for me for that reason.

I have met so many people like Bev in my life. I have sat in churches just like St. Patricks and I know that is the point but Flanagan makes it well. I watched Riley sit back for eucharist and i watched the camera zoom in on his face and the empty pews behind him. I know that feeling. I know that feeling of isolation and loneliness in a place where supposedly you are never alone. Because god is in all his churches.

And i was so scared watching this show that i would watch him find faith where i have failed to. I have been burned so, so, so many times by atheist characters converting and its a celebration and 'thank god they found god!' and the relief i felt as he burned away on that boat I cannot describe. I dont honestly think i can describe how this show has made me feel at all, but i am still crying.

Hearing Erin's speech at the end. Watching Hassan and Ali pray on the beach, one last time. Seeing everyone gather in the square to sing, one last time. To praise their god one last time, to pray for his mercy and forgiveness and to know that they would be granted it. To watch John and Mildred hold their baby. To see that bitch Bev try to dig a hole in the beach only to die screaming and in agony. She is the only one who screamed.

I dont really know where im going with this, sort of just train of consciousness-ing this i guess. But i think there was something really cathartic in this for me and nothing nothing has left me this shattered yet whole before.

im not one to usually post anything here and the first rb or message i get from someone saying 'not all christians' or 'jesus loves you' or fucking anything like that ill delete this post and block the fuck out of you. You can keep that shit to yourself. Yeah i didnt have to post this, but you dont have to say anything, either. And that seems hostile but i am sick and tired of being told shit i already know.

[diva2007]

i treat ask games like surveys this is make me admit stuff by lost-head-adventure or smth idk its deactiviated

Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

not including messages i consider too private to share on tumblr. yes

You talked to an ex today, correct?

nope.

Have you taken someones virginity?

no i dont think so. all of my partners have been more experienced than me

Is trust a big issue for you?

yes ): im working on it

Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

i like lots of people but as far as "crushes", no not recently. i should though

What are you excited for?

my partner system to get home from work. our next grocery run. autumn. my birthday next month

What happened tonight?

i posted about that today but, other than all that, i ate some pizza... honestly i should write or record or something tonight

Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

no? wasted chicks are super funny

Is confidence cute?

confidence is hot yeah

What is the last beverage you had?

a monster. i should get water or something

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

none but i dont really talk to a lot of people. only the women in my family and i cant trust them. its not about being the opposite sex tho

Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

yes

What are you gonna do Saturday night?

its sunday rn but yesterday i cried so hard i gave myself a headache and listened to a new album

What are you going to spend money on next?

probably a new microphone or sushi

Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

yes

Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

yes? of course

Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

my partner system, but specifically mar, rich, robin, and trent

The last time you felt broken?

today at like 7pm

Have you had sex today?

yeah lol <3

Are you starting to realize anything?

being 23 aint shit. i dont know fuckin anything.

Are you in a good mood?

its alright. could be better

Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

yeah theyre chill

Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

no thank gawd. otherwise id be the type of douchebag to go around calling my shit hazel.

What do you want right this second?

a haircut... jack... a punch to the jaw. (not sft text beyond this point to the end of the answer) to be dressed up in vinyl lingerie to match someone elses military gear and ride his dick while gagging on his fingers

What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

nothing. id end up in jail

Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

nah i recently dyed my roots again. its black but im a natural blonde

Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

usually people who arent intentionally witty are unintentionally hilarious so thats hard to picture. but if our humor just isnt compatible i mean. maybe. probably not tho that speaks to a lot of other shit

What was the last thing that made you laugh?

@fuckin-pistol-whipped's replies

Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

yeah. sunset eyes, if this somehow gets back to you, im sorry i didnt give you a better warning. ill be back sooner than you know. it wont be months this time. i want to figure something out but i dont want to keep giving you half promises. soon, i dont know when. i love you. it means something, i swear.

Does everyone deserve a second chance?

yeah id say so

Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

sometimes <3

Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

oh yeah for sure. i think we're in a situationship. maybe we're dating? idk i cant rember. god i need to see him again soon. i should watch some videos or smth

Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

nah but i usually drink diet soda. if im buying it out at like a gas station or smth ill go full sugar cuz its just a one time thing but. i think i drink two diet cokes a day. i dont always finish em

Listening to?

+ shuffle queue

Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

yeah but i prefer pen tbh. i keep like two hand notebooks a pencil and a pen on me at all times

Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

probably at his house with his cats. or with his band

Do you believe in love at first sight?

i believe in instant chemistry but love is kinda something u collaborate on. its like a living thing. ive recently figured out that two people can be in love and still wanna maim each other a little bit from time to time

Who did you last call?

@fadenkreuze but thats like a given. it was @antichristxsuperstar in front

Who was the last person you danced with?

my cat. it counts, in my book

Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

we were having sex and i guess my mouth just looked that good hanging open and drooling

When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

i dont think its been a year but. it was probably springtime i wanna say-- no, late winter. valentines day cupcakes. mini ones.

Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

nah im not a hugger. he knows i like him ok tho

Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

i dont believe in embarassment. but yea sometimes i make a fool of myself. usually it makes em giggle and then its fine <3

Do you tan in the nude?

i do a lot of things in the nude but i dont tan. im goth so

If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

i dont remember it

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

yes actually it was rich. hey rich

Who was the last person to call you?

Do you sing in the shower?

yes sometimes but i sing all the time

Do you dance in the car?

Ever used a bow and arrow?

Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Do you think musicals are cheesy?

no theyre an art form. i think A musical can be cheesy but not all of em. having said that ive never been a huge theater person but ill watch a bootleg every now and then

Is Christmas stressful?

it doesnt have to be but some people make it stressful. its lonely tbh

Ever eat a pierogi?

yep. theyre p good

Favorite type of fruit pie?

peach

Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

equestrian, veternarian, rockstar.

Do you believe in ghosts?

"do you believe in barometric pressure" "do you believe in wool fibers" "do you believe in the oxidation of metals"

Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

all the time

Take a vitamin daily?

Wear slippers?

yes and i encourage others to do so as well

Wear a bath robe?

nope too warm and humid where i am

What do you wear to bed?

the buff

First concert?

it was a festival for nu metal bands in like 2008 or something. metalfest i think it was? or something close to that name. i dont remember all the acts that played but mudvayne was there i know for sure

Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

in my town theres only a walmart but i prefer target

Nike or Adidas?

Cheetos Or Fritos?

fritos are more versatile. remind me of chilis and soups

Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Favorite Taylor Swift song?

Ever take dance lessons?

Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

yeah. professional cocksucker

Can you curl your tongue?

some people cant do that?

Ever won a spelling bee?

this is a traumatizing memory for me i refuse to elaborate

Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

yes often. usually during sex

What is your favorite book?

i hate these questions cuz then i forget every single book ive ever read. idk ill say the most recent book i read. the long hard road out of hell by marilyn manson

Do you study better with or without music?

with but it has to be instrumental or so loud its mind numbing owwww speaking of my ear fuckin hurts fuck you billy corgan

Regularly burn incense?

not anymore

Ever been in love?

Who would you like to see in concert?

obvious answers are like. mm. nin. slipknot (but like in 2002 or smth).

What was the last concert you saw?

in person? i dont even remember. its been over a decade

Hot tea or cold tea?

cold tea always preferable

Tea or coffee?

coffee. also cold

Favorite type of cookie?

sugar cookie or chocolate chip

Can you swim well?

nah

Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

yes??

Are you patient?

extraordinarily

DJ or band, at a wedding?

either or. both? both

Ever won a contest?

nope

Ever have plastic surgery?

nah

Which are better black or green olives?

ew

Opinions on sex before marriage?

theres another type of sex?

Best room for a fireplace?

the den

Do you want to get married?

yes

[furymint]

2023 Creator Reflection

ffxiv.

1. dance me to the end of love

this one was fun! i always like merging a character's outfit with the bg so i liked doing that again. picking the colors for elliots outfit was also enjoyable. ive wanted to make smth w that cover for a while

2. shame was still the tyrant of his life

i only wrote two nol and eli things this year and neither of them are finished. the first was a continuation of a scene where nol kisses elliot against the blue stained glass in his room--i once posted it but then i deleted it bc it made me feel woozy for its allusions to sex. i wanted to rebuild it and take a shot at it now that im comfortable writing n reading sex, but i never got very far. theres actually lots of nice parts! i just like nols dumb angsting the best!

3. valentine

i really wanted to focus on nol's eye here, but also not make it too obvious lol. i used a ps filter like a schmuck but i wanted it to be darker without making it even more difficult to see, so i took away their bodies and limited the colors to make it what it is.

4. amateur cracksmen

the second nol n eli wip, which doesnt have many interesting lines rn, was a raffles-inspired story where eli drags nol as his valet to a rival artist's house and tries to steal back the brooch that he bought from an underground dealer feat. much babbling abt the state of societal responsibility that war is supposed to bring

ffxvi.

1. herz an herz dir

i wrote some reflections about this one already here. i honestly was very (distressed voice) cant believe im writing pure fanfic for the first time in over ten years and lacked a lot of direction when i started bc uhhhhh terence has 8 and a half mins of screen time. i tried to convince myself that it's not much different than me stealing brucemont for my own evil devices, but the unique perspective of seeing quite so much fan content def influenced my interpretation. i wanted their relationship to be much more imbalanced from the get-go initially--dion using his power unintentionally and terence barely passing a thought abt it until later bc he's just so accustomed to obeying--but i ended up giving terence a lot more sway & ammunition in their argument. the breakfast bed thing is also smth im rly fond of.

2. mund an mund

there's also additional meta for this one here. i made a silly doodle abt it also. dion kept picking fights here! it honestly turned out how i expected. when i first started this fic, i was gonna have dion start out right in oriflamme and meet ter and kihel there, but i booted them to northreach so i could have this stretch of conflict. i think it's like. Bad Pacing. technically. if i still believe the conflict introduced in the next chapter is the core one, that is. which i sorrrrta do. but i dont care bc i rly like the visual of kihel laying in dion's lap and getting to put a gun on the wall w ahmed.

3. eines atems

its been two months since the last chapter and this chapter is humiliatingly not written. i have all my scrambled notes and scenes that i jotted down in between the first two chapters, so i have a full direction, but it's been really difficult to write lately. ive been devoting all my time to trying to recoup my mental health and work on my teredio secret santa. ill start next year with this wip as a priority, so for now i only have the photoshop edit for it. kihel is holding terence's hand--it's his pov turn.

overall i didnt like this year very much. i didn't read, create, research or do a lot even though i tried to. i became really disconnected from all of my friends bc im too tired to stay for rp or hold online conversations. at this point, i dont play ffxiv at all except the few times i managed to rp a little. i moved into nanny's house and have my own space, but don't have the presence of mind to do anything about my pc, books, and so on, although i did make a lot of progress rewrapping my books w fresh wraps and some other things. my plans for next year are to reach out to a couple of my friends, build my pc, relearn + rebuild + relaunch my queer lit blog on open source code, survive school, and rediscover the productivity ive lost the past few years.

teredio has helped me a LOT to find community, inspiration, and art in my loneliest year yet. im very proud of my fic and grateful every day to the ppl who have reached out to me about liking it. even if im sorry about my productivity rate in comparison to how many extraordinary writers there are in the ship's fandom, i know i have to be easy on myself to relearn how to write, create a writing schedule that works for me, and stop punishing myself when i cant get the words out.

past reflections:  2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

[voidcat]

anwyays little psa bc ive gained new followers w windbreaker etc stuff recently (and noticed ups and downs w my follower count)

for a year or so my activity has been on and off. honestly i shouldnt have to explain to anyone the reasoning why lol bc its the creators life at the end of the day adn they dont owe anything to anyone but anywys ill try to keep it short and explain nicely

writing takes time. more than you might think it does. i'll write a quick drabble and think "wow got this out quickly" and realize i worked on it for 2 hours. minimum. and thats without grammar checking etc and preparing a post format and everything

as writers, artists, creators we each have our own lives, responsibilities and priorities. we are not a machine. we are people with souls and personalities. so next time youre goingto unfollow someone for lack of content in recent, think of this.

and besides that honestly for me, the tumblr experience has always been following someone for themselves, not just their content. i havent touched bnha in years, nor tokrev, i never watched blue lock and i never finished [insert popular anime] does this stop me from following the same person, enjoying their posts and bloggings? no. and why should it? take a break from consumerism once in a while and enjoy life, enjoy people for who they are! take a deep breath, go drink a glass of water, go touch grass if needed idk.. keep in mind that people have feelings just like you, busy lives, busier schedules. heck you guys dont even know if im married or not, got kids or no, i legit started being open abt my line of job recently and Still im sure most of you dont know

my point being: you dont know what the other person carries, what lives they live and what they got going on behind the image of their blog. emphasize with people once in a while. and if youre so desperate for [insert character] x reader [insert au and tropes] fic or art idk then go make it yourself and i say this with good intentions. its never too late to start new things. and writing words and writing a story are not the same things, it takes effort. same as drawing a line or a stick figure and making art of/for something. it takes time, effort, feelings...

if youve read this far, thank you<3 have a nice evening, ily

[bye-bye-firefly]

Oh! Is this about the new ao3 ai policy? I think I heard about that last night. I had checked Unseeliekey’s account and saw that he had deleted all of his works. Read that he had been thinking of deleting them for awhile because of ao3’s policies and he didn’t wanna support them but the ai thing is what sent him over the edge. Might wanna double check that though since I was sleepy when I read that and may not have absorbed all the info or absorbed it correctly. I have most of Unseeliekey’s works saved in my google drive so I can still reread them, which I’m very thankful for, would be so heartbroken if I could never see them again.

Anyway, I’m really sorry you have to make all your works account only just so the stupid ais can’t get their little grubby ai mining hands on them! All this ai stuff is really gross and really sucks

that whole thing i posted was actually sparked by unseeliekey leaving! which is really sad honestly. and imo with my two cents if i am to say anything about that. ao3 doesnt even support ai they just dont know what to do at this time Legally. i disagree with a lot of unseeliekey's points, but that's not really up to me to convince him i did not even know him and i dont want to tell him hes wrong. its his thoughts and his worldview so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sad to see him go, though. thats fandom history lost right there. newer fans will never get to see fics that literally SHAPED the fandom. unseeliekey is pretty much responsible for the phantom thief au as it is today. it really is such a great loss. i hope that maybe he changes his mind, makes them public but not on ao3. maybe puts out the chapters that never made it to the light of day; i know there were chapters that were done, just not published before he left the fandom, if he still has those files

and goddd the fucking ai. i hate having to make my fics ao3 accounts only it pisses me off so bad i just want people to be able to read my shit without having to worry about scrapes and shit like that like. i am still kind of on the fence about making some of my newer stuff account only. like making nameless and nobody move account only? i hate that. maybe ill make my finished works account only and then wait until everything that i havent abandoned is done to make them account only. that might be the better plan. just pisses me off theres nothing we can do right now IM SO SERIOUS we need to find a way to make glaze for writers im not tech savvy but there has to be a way where people on ao3 can be able to read the work but ai cant and it just fucks them. that would be great but i dont even know if thats possible

[wifegideonnav]

VASKA. i need to know your opinions of her

VISPA 🥰

First impression

ok so going in i pretty much knew i was gonna have Opinions on her due to 1) the comparisons to ianthe and 2) her general notoriety. so i kinda tried to hold off on forming an impression until i got more info. honestly i think my biggest first impression was "that is NOT how i thought she would talk" lmaooo

obviously the way she's introduced you kinda go "well she sucks" but i love girls who suck so i was like theres gotta be more here. and i was right.

Impression now

babygirl. lmao. i mean i could literally go on for thousands of words with what i think about her but short version is that she is one of the best written hs characters and an incredible portrayal of a mentally ill teenage girl with an extensive history of being abused. she's my morally grey queen. my "god forbid women do anything" champ. failwoman of all time. yeah!!!!!!!!

Favorite moment

the vriska/(vriska) convo because i love pain. but i also love the entire saga of her going god-tier because lets be honest: letting an old enemy beat you almost to death with her bare robofists and then communicating with your "it's complicated" by mind-controlling him to write messages with your blood, begging him to finish the job is. cool as fuck. also terezi: remem8er. :(

Idea for a story

ok i made a like 3 note post saying this ages ago and never actually expanded on it but: vriska <> rose. i have put SO much thought into this. short version, they have both a lot in common and some pretty interesting foiling. on the surface, they're both fairly rash and destructive which would typically suggest that they would not be good moirails. BUT the ways in which they're destructive etc are fairly opposite: rose simmers, fumes, withdraws, over-intellectualizes, etc, whereas vriska is explosive, up-front, lashing outwards, acting without thinking. so rose pulls vriska back, makes her think, forces her to be introspective, and vriska spurs rose forward, prevents her from getting caught up in her own thoughts, makes her actually act.

i think rose would be very drawn to vriska from a psychology goldmine perspective, and i truly believe that vriska would benefit from having someone to talked to who did not grow up in alternian society, who can validate/explain how fucked up everything was, and especially someone she doesn't have history with, who's also strong enough to see the darkness in her without flinching.

also in the retcon timeline its as canon as anything retcon!meteorstuck that vriska is the reason rose is able to fix her drinking problem. which im fairly sure is something that any troll would view as being pale as fuck. anyway i could go on and on about this but this is already so long and i did say short version 💀

so i just think a meteorstuck fic where all 6 of the crew are forced to go through some actual on-page character development with vriska and rose at the center would be. good.

Unpopular opinion

honestly i dont think i have any super unpopular opinions about her? liking her is already unpopular enough lmao. so i guess i'll go with: shes a lesbian <3

Favorite relationship

vrisrezi. also my favorite relationship of the comic in general. something something soulmates. physically restraining myself from going off about this.

Favorite headcanon

im not sure this entirely counts as a headcanon but i love the idea of her slowly abandoning her spider/8 theme as she gets older and heals. like if you think about it it's pretty fucked up that her entire brand is based on 1) the guardian who would've killed her at any point in her childhood if she didn't do enough murder to satisfy her and/or 2) just the general role she was forced into based on her horrific society

[autisticiyami]

crazy? i was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room filled with rats. th

LISTEN TO MY AUTISM-INDUCED HEADCANONS BOY. i think about him a criminal amount i have his entire life planned out to fit with that ososan repainted idea i never did anything with that goes along with 80skun. do u see the vision. no? well ill show u. welcom to my freaking twisted evil mind. rant incoming.

also im gona be hopefully updating this semi-frequently as i draw more stuff and actually feel like explaining stuff. this post will be my Iyami Autism Diary now.

i dont have specific sources on any of these rn bc im writing this on my computer and also bc its probably something i saw once and didnt bother to save or anthing so. bear with me here.

-baby iyami. loveless child. born by a mother who always knew she would be better off without him and sharing the sibling moniker with an unironic sociopath older brother. emotionally neglected and naturally socially inept due to autism, along with like.. looking like that. you know he was torn to shred by everyone. japanese kids are RUTHLESS his entire elementary/middle school experience was getting his face dragged across the concrete and his lunch money stolen. i imagine he starts to become rlly jaded and outwardly mean as a defense mechanism in like 2nd/3rd grade, finally realizing that this shit isnt all sunshines and rainbows lil bro and that no one likes him. he went to school with both honkan and kaoru, honkan he would always get into scuffles with but kaoru was like the only kid that ever genuinely attempted to be nice to iyami. read: attempted. because iyami has bpd at the ripe age of 7 and a half and screams at him whenever hes around for no reason other than that hes really scared of him being a genuinely kind person. hes a fucked up kid in a fucked up situation surrounded by nothing but apathy and misunderstanding of how he works and thinks and wants. the scar on his face comes from an incident with his older brother who i imagine got so mad at him one time that he chased iyami around with a knife threatening to slit his throat open. luckily (or probably more unluckily) he just sliced the side of his face open. that was the first and last time that iyamis mother actually worried for him. and by "worried" i mean get mad at both of them for fucking around like that and then not taking iyami to get stitches because "he'd be fine."

-iyami's highschool experience is. slightly less horrific. mostly because hes kinda just accepted that everyone in the whole world hates him and at some point realized he should just live out of spite to piss everyone else off. he never really had any career dreams mostly since the only career he realistically could have was wage slave in the city, which would be like sending him to death row for him. due to his autism and prolonged abuse from all sides, hes become kind of an expert at knowing how people work, though he doesnt necessarily understand any of it. he realizes that he would much rather be a backpeddler on the streets than a corporate slave, so when hes kicked out at like 16/17 for being literally just a curseon his mother at that point hes right out there trying to charm his way into any way to make money. first couple years were difficult, i imagine he just. didnt finish highschool due to being homeless immediately. he always had a kickass sense of style though, and maybe bc he was younger he managed to pull off charm much more successfully. honestly i dont have too many any specific ideas ab this era sowwy... bc it kinda just exists as "the part before chibita" which speaking of

-his twenties and thirties is spent like the exact same way. like the autism is strong in this one hes very content with just being the worst. but thats only because he literally sees no other way for him to live because its all hes been offered to do by life. quite fucked up! but that leaves him with a great optimism and positive "nothing in life matters!!!!" attitude. i actuallyyyyy dont know exactly how to span this next part.... but i was thinking that he met chibita when the kid was around 6 and iyami was 30. iyami just kind of... adopts him? as a weird sort of nephew. but at the same time iyami is in a perpetual state of childishness so sometimes chibita is like the parent/uncle to iyami. theyre so strange. but speaking of iyamis childishness Yeah theres some side effects of prolonged neglect and trauma since first memory surprisingly!! iyami kind of aged backwards, having to mature early to try and protect himself and keep some level of sanity, he was never really treated like a kid especially not by mother and brother or even other kids. now that he's an actual adult his brain has sort of flipped over, now stuck in a weird area of feigning immaturity in every situation that isnt immediately "life-threatening" in his eyes. all that to say that iyami is agere and is basically regressed somewhat at all times and it just varies depending on the situation.

but yeah this era. a couple years after meeting chibita he ships himself off to the city suddenly hoping to be able to make something happen there Kind of an early mid-life crisis moment. and boy it is not great! this part is where i dump the rest of trauma on him but you dont get to hear that. something something tougou's crime ring. after like a bit under a year he ends up coming back and... HOLY FUCK IS THAT A REFERENCE TO THE FIRST EPISODE OF OSOMATSU-KUN 1988??? you bet your sorry ass it is. im literally so smart they shouldve hired me to make ososan dude.

-osokun '88 era happens ig?? his old situationship behated kaoru is a cop now apparently and he's stationed right in iyami territory. quite awkward! kaoru doesnt particularly like him 1 because like. cop/criminal dichotomy first of all. 2 because iyami was a cunt to him and honkan for seemingly no reason their entire childhood and 3 iyami seems to have a really weird complex of being mean and hating kaoru currently but also obviously going out of his way to get in kaoru's way. quite immature! i explained why that is though. kaoru in his infinite sweetnes though eventually just kinda feels bad for the dude because its kinda just pathetic at this point and also because he DOES know that iyami is actually a super cute sweet guy because there was one (1) time where as a kid iyami let his guard down around kaoru and played with him at his house after school just to be completely ripped to shreds literally and figuaratively by his classmates the next day when kaoru was acting super friendly with him and iyami just kinda blamed him for it for like 20 years. VERY pathetic! but he was like 9 dude. kaoru understands this and kinda just... lets iyami wreak havoc more than he would other people partly bc he still thinks hes pretty silly.

i have a whole big episode idea of the two getting together and probably hundreds of headcanons and ideas about the two together but tbh?? im gonna spare you and keep it as paraphrased as i can manage for both of our sanities. but watch me go back and edit this post or make a new one just infodumping ab everything about them.

but like yeah ig events happen. hey do u remember iyami's "daughter" who is actually his niece because there is no fucking way in any reality that this guy has procreated?? well she comes in sometime around here becasue her father (still an untreated aspd) kind of doesnt give a shit and neither does her whore mother and they choose to dump their kid off with uncle iyami for the summers now. yay!! i also have a lot of headcanons and stuff ab her (her name is hiyori btw) but thats for another post.

iyami's family turns into basically him, his husband, and his two (sometimes three) (some not actually legit) (and one is gone when it isnt the summer) neicephews. isnt that awsome??? i cry and scream and throw up just thinking about it. sometimes iyami is the nephew but thats awesome. sometimes a family can be some gay man and an orphan that is his husband's nephew and his husband's actual niece, his husband's lesbian best friend that is basically an aunt at this point, and his husband who is sometimes also his nephew/child because of cptsd and they are all autistic. truly beautiful stuff.

and yeah thats. that. like i said i'll be updating this with better explanations of stuff and hopefully actual art But this works for now!!!! no one wanted this but the world got it anyway. you can thank me later.

[nihiltism]

oh boy I finished (citation needed) a new game time to add to the veedia tag again

metal: hellsinger (ps4)

this game is Lovely. this game is so fun. I cannot aim to save my god damn life. metal hellsinger accomplished a major feat in having the only possible setup in the entire world to encourage me to play a first person shooter (being, really good metal and rhythm mechanics) and to that I applaud it because I consider fpses to be sort of my mortal enemy? right next to mmos and fighters? im gonna go into it more let me not take up ur entire dash.

the gameplay is Lovely. i did play on easy mode but ough the. shotgun cocking effects to the beat of a good metal song. there is Nothing Like It. the difficulty is Honestly Not Bad ** given some practice time and its very much a delight to play. well. save for one part but ill get to that. its a darkly lit game which is a problem but all of the enemies are color coded, glow, and have their own sounds and that alleviates it a bit.

i will say that the game is. Not Optimized to PS4? it is. Quite Glitchy and while I don't mind most of them i know some people do and there were a few that very much got in my way (i posted the acheron boss glitch a couple hours ago). also sometimes enemies just get stuck in the floor and youre waiting for them to pop up so you can move on. thats fun. also the bug enemies suck. the shield enemies also suck. those arent glitches i just hate them.

as for plot uh. this game was not made for plot. i accept this. its kinda Just Okay but it doesnt really need to be more than that. you play a scary demon lady who wants nothing more than to rip the devil limb from limb. whats better than that. youve got a troy baker skull. the plot there is admittedly pretty cute especially if you try to analyze the lyrics but i am also very much a sap and it hit a specific genre of Relationship In Media That Is So (Kinda Just There) Its Not Even A Subplot which is one of the few genres i can actually stand. i will say i feel i got a bit beauty and the beasted at the ending but like. eh. it wasnt that much. anyway. next point

theres no bad songs in here. my favorite is this devastation easily. ost introduced me to arch enemy which is a band you can all tell I'm normal about. the lyrics only kick in when youre at max multiplier so being able to hear a good drop is a good motive to get decent and not get hit. i think my ranking of songs is this devastation - no tomorrow - burial at night/stygia - dissolution and then everything else is kind of at the bottom in no particular order. not to say i dont like them but theyre all the same level of like. also serj tankian is there. he is lovely. he does the final boss theme (no tomorrow) that I wish I could fucking hear him over damage sound effects and myself swearing. yeah now we get to that

** The Final Boss Is Bad. yeah my main problem (and kinda only Real Problem) with this game is uh. i dont think i can actually finish it? there is an Enormous difficulty spike at the final boss to the point where my first run of lasted a solid Two Minutes if that and i am on easy mode. my friend described it as (game is touhou now) and yeah i can see it. first person touhou. nobody wants to play first person touhou. i dont want to play first person touhou. i didnt actually beat the game i just watched the ending and resolved to get back to it when i feel like it (never) and do better things with my time. like draw unknown in little outfits.

anyway thats My Thoughts. its a good game and i will probably keep playing the levels over n over. for people who dont replay these games over n over it is definitely not worth the money as you can pretty easily slash through all the levels in one sitting if you know what youre doing but i am easily entertained and love rhythm games. stay tuned for doodles of the unknown with my general fashion sense. listen to the two best tunes also. maybe listen to the whole ost after if u like it.

[sweetnsaltynsournspicy]

WIP Nudity another paper doll bc i used all my juice on that last peice- mostly just a scar map before i play dressup and also a longwinded rant about the minecraft movie video and the CANNONICAL MPREG???? JOOFY??? SIR???

Modern ish base au type joofy VS "dear god this man has never had a good day in his life" video joofy. seriosuly though this man is always in the situation of all time. how is he still full of girlish whimsey. he really is like "on the verge of tears but we stay silly :3 but we stay silly :3 but we-"

also its small are you cant really see it but this is on both of them

Im not letting him forget the godamn minecraft movie- im making him a single father at every opportunity. you dont get to make mpreg cannon and a major plot point and then just like move past it. like no no hold on no wait no your telling me... your in a breeding prison with your rival and the guard says "fuck or die" and then it cuts to black and we come back to your rival going "WOW THAT FELT GREAT CAN WE DO IT AGAIN" and then you go "I GAVE BIRTH" AND THEN THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE A SON IS A KEY PLOT POINT THAT LEADS TO YOU SACRIFICING YOURSELF AND YOUR BEST FRIEND FOR YOUR SON??????? ok actually i might put this on the other acount just for that because WHAT W H A T i mean props to you king hell yeah "any guy can be babygirl but it takes a man to be a single mother"

BUT WHY THE FUCK IS YOUR RIVAL GOING "wow ;) your good ;) maybe we can do that again sometime ;)" ??????? and also the fact that HE GOT PREGNANT????? HE BOTTOMS???? OR AT LEAST GOT PENATRATED????? its been like a week since i watched the video and im still thinking about it. like i first watched it and was like "ayo? hold up- ok were moving on alright sure yeah hahah funny sex joke back to the kids brainrot" BUT THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND LIKE HUH????? ill be honest this has changed from a "look at my doll before i put him in silly outfits :3" post to a "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERES CANNON MPREG BOTTOM JOOFY?????? HUH????????????? H U H????????????????????????" post BUT CAN YOU BLAME ME??????? WHAT THE FUCK WAS UP WITH THAT?????????? also gamerboi jr is NOT their son i thought he was but then his mom showed up so gamerboi has two children and given the fact that he seems to have a relatively good relationship with both of them and dosent like arguing in front of them seems to be a good dad. They are bitter exes who barely tolerate eachother to me. great parents they just cannot be in the same room for more than 5 minutes and try to do drop offs as quickly as possible. Also tbh im just as confused about the birth as he is in that video bc he distinctly says "but we're both guys" in response to the "produce a child" thing wich implies that it should be biologically impossible. The three options ive got currently are 1. Trans man who is going to have some WORDS with his bottom surgery provider 2. Omega (the funniest one) 3. Intersex, Chimerism (ate his sister in the womb but didnt finish the job). Its what im going with for a few reasons but the other two options are also valid as hell and honestly i wanna see more of them. spesifically the omega one because its funny as fuck. especially if its JUST HIM. everyone else is like a normal human its only him. like "oh yeah im going into heat soon" and everyone whips their heads around like "wghat"

[caandlelit]

what happened to the lawnchair bestie

university happened. 14 yr old caandlelit is beyond outraged that i typed that sentence i wish i had his fervor for writing or at the very least his time. i want time so badly i have NO FREE TIME!!!!! i was in a lecture and the guy was like can any of u literal bastards tell me what the most precious thing is on earth and i said time and he turns around like WHO SAID THAT! and i literally looked at the ceiling like a cartoon whistling innocently except i cant whistle bc i didnt want to be wrong and then the other teacher said hey u said something tell him. and i said time and he pointed at me with his spindly artist finger and said Precisely. Time. we dont have it. and i was like this is so relevant to my life and lawnchair .

thankyou for thinking of it. honestly like. thankyou. im also thinking of it CONSTANTLY i cant even tell u. im planning now on finishing it and then posting it when its all done (winter is when ill be done i theorize bc uni) although if im done with this current important chapter within a week ill post that and Then wait till its all done. bc i was never Finished with it i shldnt have started posting b4 being done. i hadnt even finished plotting like. but i really wanted to share it and im glad i did bc you guys liked it and im just happy to have spread something good. i love u i hope ur having a brilliant day

[thebigqueer]

omg new year new fun tag game. ty for the tag!! this looks fun

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

49 currently but i have deleted or orphaned some so it could be more than that

2. what’s your total AO3 word count?

187454

3. what fandoms do you write for?

only riordanverse. i’ve considered writing for adventure time but i just don’t have enough passion for it

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Soft Touches in the Darkness (valgrace one shot)

moonlight (valgrace one shot)

Promise? (solangelo one shot)

Lost Voices (solangelo tartarus fic)

Secrets Uncovered in the Firelight (solangelo one shot)

5. do you respond to comments?

no cuz i’m shy 😭 but i do sometimes if someone’s comment is particularly exciting or i like a take. i do always always appreciate the comments though they make me happy <333

6. fic with angstiest ending?

hmm… i would say Bottle the World (arcane au valgrace snippet) or Flaming Eyes (leo & jason)

7. fic with happiest ending?

probably New Year, Old Beginnings (valgrace secret santa au).

8. do you get hate on fics?

no not really. & i’m thankful for that!!

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

not publicly i don’t 🤭 but if you were to look through my docs there’s probably like one sexy piece with my ocs. idk if it counts as smut cuz they don’t actually do anything... it’s just toxic lesbian horny rage nothing really happens lol

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

i don’t really but i do have an arcane au. it’s not really a crossover i just kind of made up a plot for pjo characters based on the end of arcane lol. (arcane au snippets) WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED someone once asked me to do a (crackfic) she-ra & pjo crossover but i can't find the link unfortunately...

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

nah

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes but weve only posted 2 before. all the other co-written fics never got finished unfortunately

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

honestly i don't have one i think it really depends on my mood and what im reading at the moment.

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

ARCANE AU 😭 MY POOR ARCANE AU IM SORRY 😭 it's not that i wont write it its just that its never going to be coming out in full its all gonna be in one shots because i have 0 energy. also i had this one "immortal" au i tried writing a while ago and i still like the concept just not the characters i used at the time but i dont think ill write it again

16. what are your writing strengths?

i write a lot (as in my word counts are high per fic) but i dont really consider it a strength because i don't think length equates to the quality of a fic. a fic is good even if its short or long, and i like short fics more beacuse i feel like im feeling just as much in a shorter amount of time but other people might prefer long fics. its about what you write about and how you do it, not about length. ive also been told im pretty good at integrating introspection with dialogue but idk.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

also plot. it's like the fics that have a really dense and thought-out plot are the ones i never get to finish cuz i get too intimmidated after i finish planning them. i'll always plan them out in bullet points and then even when im almost done planning them out i just give up at the last minute and then never get them done lol. maybe one day i'll finally write something. i think if the plot isn't too dense then it's better off

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i think it's cool. i don't think i've done it yet but maybe i will one day.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson. it was a solangelo fic in first person on wattpad 💀 WAITT SCRATCH THAT. when i was in 2nd grade me & bff at the time LOVED the rainbow magic books so i think we wrote something that was similar in plot to that. that was a banger series

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

i really liked "Stay. For Once." (lost trio fic) because it was my first time writing something for the lost trio and even though looking back i might change some things i think i really loved writing about them & thinking about their dynamic. i also really liked "Stars Bursting Across His Lips" (valgrace one-shot) not because i actually like the fic itself that much but it was really fun to write cuz i think driving on a highway at night is the sexiest most erotic most romantic thing anyone can do. i dont think i have a true favorite though.

tagging: @crushing-on-nico-di-angelo @perachel-heretic and anyone else who wants to do it. no pressure though

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @mrv3000

1. how many works do you have on Ao3? 195

2. what's your total Ao3 word count? 403 068

3. what fandoms do you write for? percy jackson and the olympians, heroes of olympus, trials of apollo, kane chronicles, magnus chase and the gods of asgard, nevermoor, her royal highness, roots of chaos, x-men (films mostly but some comic bleedover), avatar the last airbender, the legend of korra, the kyoshi novels, marvel cinematic universe, bbc ghosts, a song of ice and fire, doctor who, the locked tomb, star wars (prequels mostly), spiderman comics, rosewood chronicles, derry girls, dc (vaguely, comics)

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

rot with all the burnouts in the cell (dc marvel crossover)

oh my brother, my brother, my brother (who have you become in the wake of all that's happened?) (star wars timetravel)

breezeblocks bricking up my heart (my take on a dadneto reveal)

water into wine (five times percy was the son of dionysus and one time he was the son of poseidon)

5. do you respond to comments? i do my best

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

that's relative and i have so many fics that this probably isn't accurate but by my own measure it's probably don't want to fight the tide (nevermoor fic, being immortal sucks)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

again that's relative but i'd say there's a million roads to rediscover (pjo/hoo five times jason missed his sister, and one time he saw her again)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

occasionally i get like smarmy comments like one on a certain fic that the timeline didn't line up (it did + i had page references + it was tagged canon divergence anyway) but not really

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i have one so ig lesbian threesomes??

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i write so many crossovers i love putting characters in situations. probably rot with all the burnouts in the cell since it involved a ton of drama

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i think one of them but i can't remember which one. (technically this is studying) i'm trying to translate a few of my drabbles into scots gaelic

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

in part like it got started and then i got ghosted before anything else happened

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

the couple i've written the most about is a tie between morridence, fierrochase, and jadie, but i'd say i get the most feelings about ruegard

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Great the Roman is coming up to its third year anniversary this month and i only hit the halfway point a few months ago so we'll see

16. What are your writing strengths?

lesbians. probably emotional stuff if i'm being serious

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

plot. its part of the reason i only do oneshots about 1k-3k but i'd like to work on more big fics. part of the reason was i started a bunch back in 2021 and i'm still working on two of them

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

one of my fics has some dialogue in scots gaelic but i cannot remember for the life of me if its supposed to be 'S ann or 'S e form and its haunting me

19. First fandom you wrote for?

fun fact: i originally wrote on wattpad and published a fierrochase fic on the release day of the hammer of thor. it's called fierrochase and it Sucks but it might actually be the first one ever which is fun if not slightly haunting

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

well you don't know me. but i know you it's a asoiaf time travel fic from the pov of people who don't know. i feel like i really pushed myself with characterisation on it

tagging people who i think write fic @tragedykery @lesmiserablol @oh-hush-its-perfect @thebigqueer @aphrodititi @ethannku @speedytherandom

[pacifistofpatience]

Ut, Uf, and Ht Sans who wake up one day to notice that their SO has painted flowers that remind them of their skelebae all over said skelebae's skull

Undertale (Iris- your friendship means so much tome/  Lily of the Valley- you’ve made mylife complete/ rose leaf- you may hope/ Blue violet- ill always be there)

Sans

A giggle roused Sans fromhis nap.

He knew that laugh well. Itwas one he had grown to love over the time he had spent with you, but also meant someone was plotting another prank on him. Duringone of his (many) sacred naps as well! To think- his own datemate- getting himwhen he was most vulnerable!

Sans bit back a grin. Stars,he taught you well!

But now it was time forpayback.

(Which, surely would notbe hard, you were always an easy target.)

Something soft touched hisforehead. Using the moment, he opened his eyes. His one eye light flashing abright blue as he used the smallest bit of magic to jostle the bed.

“boo!”

“Ah–!!”

The object that had beenon his forehead slid down his face and to his chin, along with it came thisoddly wet feeling he didn’t care enough to consider. You yanked your hand away,looking at the skeleton below with a frown.

“—You Bitch!!”

Sans chuckled.

“Oh my god seriously!” yousaid, jumping away form him in order to pull up what looked like a hand mirror.

You shoved it in his face,huffing in anger, “I was going to surprise you!”

Sans head lulled to the side,finally taking in his reflection. For a moment all he did was stare at the array of colors on his skull, as if trying to piece together a particular hard puzzle. But then his eye lights widened and he really saw what you had done. 

Flowers dotted everywhereon his face with no rhyme or reason to where they went. Little bell-shaped onesfacing every way, with a string of them right under his left socket. On top of hisright socket stood a brilliant blue flower- one that’s insides changed into yellowsand then faded to white as they reached the center. It was followed by a burstof smaller blue flowers that looked like an attempt at some sort of idea, but eventuallyjust devolved into placing them anywhere you wanted them to be.

(Oh– Did you really? Had you really?

Gosh, what was he going to do with you.)

And, in the center, down theridge of his nasal cavity and going past his ever present grin, was a long streakof purple.

(Never mind…)

“It was going good untilyou ruined it…” You said, without a hint of actual malice behind your voice.

Sans shrugged. He leanedback, “whelp, guess that means were gonna have to start from the beginning then.doesn’t it?” He closed his sockets, and you noted with a small grimace that thecolors on his lids were nothing but smudges.

But with a guy like him,you were sure you had plenty of time to fix it up.

“Guess we take it from the top.” You said.

You grabbed your brushagain and placed it right above his grin. For a moment you swirled it around, bidingyour time as Sans began to slowly drift back to sleep.

Just as he seemed to relax, you shoved the brush up his nose.

“hrrrrrnnnnkkk—!!!“

Underfell (red poppies- remembrance of war/ Azalea –take care of yourself for me/ Holly- domestic love)

Red

Sans had woken up alone.

It didn’t bother him asmuch as it used to, because he wasn’t in the Underground any more. He didn’t haveto worry about waking up without you there and thinking the worst had happened whilehe was asleep. Not anymore. Now all he had to do was take a deep breath in, rememberwhere he was, and just know everything was better.

You were here, with him,the clatter of pots and pans and the wafting smell of pancakes from somewherein the house told him as much.

Sans stretched, his bones rattlingas he slowly got up from his mess of a bed and started towards your sharedbathroom. A long time ago he would have laid in there for a few more hours,wasting the day away until his brother finally dragged him out and forced himinto his Sentry station, but now… now he had something else to wake up for.

(And it’s not that hisbrother wasn’t one of them, its just that there was always so much more thatweighed down on him before the barrier broke. He never got the chance to even thinkabout something so… domestic like this, let alone hope for it. But now he washere, now far off fables of a home and someone he could love was right there.Right within in his reach.)

Sans stumbled his way tothe bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror, looking briefly at his brightlycolored skull. He looked down, turned on the faucet, put toothpaste on hishands, paused, looked back up.

“huh…?”

At first all he saw wasthe vibrant colors adorning the top of his skull. Cute little flowers of differentshades of red all clustering together with little balls of other red, berrylike dots. Green spiked leaves twisting with stems wove themselves together. Onthe top left of his skull, the flowers became even more clustered, merging intoone large, stunning pink flower that took up  the entire top half of his face.  He followed the flowers, seeing how theywrapped around his skull.

A crown?

“Oh…”

Sans turned around to seeyou standing in the door frame, two plates filled to the brim with pancakes anda glass of milk for the both of you.

You huffed, “I was hoping you’dstay asleep for a little longer…I wanted to see your reaction.”

“babe?” he said, “did—did youdo this?”

Once again, he turned backto the mirror. His fingers trailed along the pink flower committing it tomemory (And leaving a very sticky, oddly minty trail of something his sleep addled brain couldn’t quiet remember in its wake) . Occasionally his eyes would dart to your reflection, but he seemed farto entranced in his new decoration to really say anything.

“Well… I mean, they didn’tjust pop-ie up in the middle of the night, did they? I think that’d be awholly different kind of thing then say, me painting them on your skull…um… i.. zay… don’t have a pun for the last flowers…”

Sans chuckled. And, Oh,Of course that was it, “eye-zay-lee-a they look absolutely beautiful, doll.”

You lifted the tray alittle higher, hoping to hide your blushing face behind it.

“I—um— thank y—I got us breakfasttoo… you know? For bed.”

Stars, you really were perfect.

Horrotale  

Jupiter (Dogwood  - durability, constancy and undiminished love,sometimes forgetfulness/  Daisy- loyallove/ Narcissus- stay as sweet as you are/ Rose – unwavering love)

“havin’ fun there,starshine?”

You jumped, nearly sendingthe paintbrush right into his now opened socket as you yanked your hand back.

“Sans!”

“sorry sorry…” he said, closinghis socket, “…didn’t mean to scare ya… keep going… i promise i won’t be toomuch of a pain-t… maybe i can can-vas you i never even woke up…”

You smiled, “No, it’s fine.I just… wanted to surprise you…”

Sans snored, loudly and obviouslyfake. It pulled a giggle from you which, in turn, caused a grin to pull at hismouth. He tried to hide it, still intent on keeping up the whole ‘sleeping’charade.

It didn’t work.

“Alright, stay still.”

“still as the dead…”

You placed the brush backon his skull, and with a feather light touch to begin to work on your creation.

A moment passed between thetwo of you. Sans snorted.

“Sans!”

“… sorry… it tickles…”

Figuring this was a battlelost, you placed the brush down along with the palette of paints, “iI’s Ok. Iwas done anyway. Just wanted to see what I could fix before you woke up.”

Sans opened his socketsonce again, taking in the art supplies that surrounded you two. As you werecleaning it up he asked, “…if it ain’t too much trouble… I would love to seewhat was so a-muse-ing to paint on my skull.”

With a smile you presentedthe mirror you had placed off to the side for him. His sockets went wide whenhe saw the array of color, little white flowers dotted the outside of his skull,interchanging between daisies and something that he didn’t quiet remember thename of. They swirled around slowly forming into ones with a yellow middle thatdid one last loop around his working socket. There, the unmistakable paintingof a vibrant red rose bloomed.

Biting back the excited smile you had you waited…

…Only to feel your heartdrop as Sans began to tear up.

“Oh no I’m so sorry i—”

Arms wrapped around you.He pulled you against his chest and nuzzled into the top of your head with his verywet, very paint covered face.

“Sans!!

“hnnnnnn… starshine!!” Hewailed, “i—i loube yuh su-suoooooo much!”