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ok but when pantheon said that gods are just lonely people that are consumed with finding the family they’ve lost or never had and that immortal beings can only remain so when their core is driven by love and that a god will build and destroy entire worlds if only to create one singular moment of gratitude or connection and that at the end they would rather experience the pain and loss all over again if only for the instances of life and light embedded within the tragedy that drove them mad and and and

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pantheon is fucking crazy. sometimes a family is a fourteen year old gamer girl, her mom that will rock your shit, her dad who lives in world of warcraft, a goth stock trader with a brain tumor, a guy who married his siri, a teenage boy who is also a clone of mark zuckerberg, and a croc-wearing lesbian with a phone and car

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Cooking again btw (wip!!!)

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AngryAngel

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[PANTHEON SEASON 2 SPOILERS]

I will never be over how the key to cracking integrity for the cure to the flaw was Caspian touching grass.

What’s even more hilarious is that Steven Holstrom couldn’t crack it because he didn’t touch grass.

It’s incredible that Caspian would have never cracked integrity if it wasn’t for Maddie. He would have spent so long just doing random stuff if he didn’t yell at him.

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Can we talk about how pantheon weaves the exploration of grief into every aspect of its story!!!!!! Specifically, the show captures the complex nurture of grief by highlighting the different stages of grief through its individual character and how they progress throughout the story

First, you have Ellen, who represents denial. She lost her husband, David, and somewhat forces acceptance upon herself and her daughter. Even though the story picks up after David’s death, we see Ellen’s journey through grief when David comes back. Ellen’s acceptance of her loss is juxtaposed with denial. When her husband comes back, she’s confused and hurt. She doesn’t want to accept he’s back because, well how could she? She’s lived two long painful years without him. She’s gone through so much, having to accept that he’s gone just for hime to come back. She’s terrified with the pain that comes along side embracing him. If she accepts him as alive again, she also has to accept the possibility of losing him again. She has to learn to accept the pain that accompanies love. Even though she eventually accepts David, her denial to his resurrection is still highlighted earlier on in the show.

There’s also Chanda. He is a not so subtle representation of the anger associated with grief. He literally burns a building and kills a family because he was blinded by his grief. He was grieving his life, and how he would never live as he once did. All of his actions are propelled by his anger over the loss of his life. He is desperately trying to achieve what he never got the chance to while he was human. He’s trying to create the world he never got to live in. He can’t accept the way things are because he’s still stuck in his anger over his loss.

Next, there’s Cody. He represents bargaining. He can’t accept the loss of his wife, so he does anything minimize and postpone his sadness. He doesn’t question or deny Laurie when she comes back like Ellen did with David. Rather he accepts her without a second thought. His actions aren’t solely propelled by love, but rather his avoidance to pain. Even before he knew Laurie’s upload was successful, he didn’t accept that she was gone. He still felt that she was alive and the same as she had been. When she came back, he did anything for Laurie because he didn’t want to lose her or accept that things had changed. He did everything in his power to keep things the same and try to live as he did before. When Laurie is prepared to die to spread her message to the world, he doesn’t accept losing her again. Rather, he prepares to “reboot” her and keep thing the way the are, even though they’re not.

Next there’s Capsian, who represents depression. Now the thing he’s mourning is a bit different from the other characters in this analysis. He isn’t mourning the physical death of someone, but rather the death of his innocence. He found out he was a clone and that his entire life was a lie. Everything he thought he knew wasn’t real, and that’s terrifying. While he goes through the other stages of grief, the show draws attention to the depression part of grief through Caspain. He quickly recognizes the true extent of his loss but still struggles to accept and cope with it. Thus, he is easily manipulated by Pope and throws himself into curing the flaw because to him it’s a way to avoid the looming hopelessness of his situation. He’s lost interest and passion for the things he once cared about, and focuses on what he feels he has to do. He feels hopeless, and desperately trying to cure the flaw is his way of trying to reclaim agency. If he solves the problem, he regains some control over the hopelessness he feels.

Finally, there Maddie, who represents the complex journey to acceptance. Throughout the show, she experiences all the stages of grief. The show focuses on her journey to accepting the loss of her father and the life she once had. We watch her go through the stages of grief at her own pace and eventually come to terms with her loss. We watch her grow into the person that can eventually let her father pass. We watch her move forward despite her loss. She still is in unimaginable pain because of the death of her father, but she still keeps moving.

While all of the characters experience all the stages of grief, it feels like the show focuses on specific stages with specific characters. Pantheon displays how grief is complicated and messy, and not just some straight line. It highlights non-linear growth and how character progress and regress throughout their respective journeys with grief. It shows how grief isn’t something that it easily overcome, but rather a long and exhausting process. It shows through its main cast how each stage of grief is its own journey and hurtle to overcome. Pantheon demonstrates that even after you accept loss fully, it doesn’t take away from the immense pain loss causes you to feel. All you can do is keep moving forward.

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I have had a Thought about Caspian and Holstrom and the abuse they both faced and why they turned out the way they did

I was reading the story of an abuse survivor and she was talking about how her abusive father shaped her psyche and caused her to have an inner voice that would put her down all the time, even after years and years. And how healing for her was a process of fighting back against that inner voice and learning not to believe it.

Which gave me Thoughts about this duo and why they act so different in the end.

My theory: Holstrom's toxic inner voice is his father, of course. We learn about Mr. Holstrom through the snippets of those interviews and through Cary's acting. He was abusive, and specifically he was very belittling, always putting him down, attacking his intelligence and his accomplishments, making him feel like he'd never be good enough.

That abuse shaped Holstrom for the rest of his life, even if he claimed that he "never gave a damn about what anyone else said after [his father] left". His inner voice is still his father, telling him he's not good enough, not smart enough. That's why he veers so sharply into egotism and his whole god complex, because he's overcompensating with "I AM good enough, in fact I am the best at this and I know better than everyone else, and people should listen to me above all", because he didn't heal, he just slapped a bandaid over his issues and pretended he was fine.

But Caspian? Caspian doesn't hear Cary. Maybe he would've if his path hadn't diverged, but it did, hard. Cary did still psychologically scar him with his abuse, and you can see that shine through still, like early on in the data center in season 2 where he is acting like Holstrom. But never to the same degree as Holstrom himself, because all the stuff Caspian learned about Cary and who he was and why he did what he did really screwed up his ability to attribute his abuse as a kid and teen to Cary.

Instead, Caspian pretty quickly was handed a BIGGER, uglier, even more crushing abuse that reshaped his entire life and kinda blew everything else out of the water. Learning that he was Holstrom's clone, that his existence and his abuse was all to serve this guy, and THEN finding out that he was created to be discarded on top of that... Holstrom became the face of his lifetime of abuse and manipulation.

The internal voice that Caspian hears, the one he fights, isn't his father, but Holstrom: the voice telling him that "regret is a waste of time", that he only needs himself and his own intelligence, telling him to succeed at any cost to others, to be ruthless and objective and apathetic. That's what he's fighting, and that's why he becomes so kind and so selfless, even to the cost of his own life. Because that's the opposite of what Holstrom was and wanted.

"I live my life trying to resist every gut instinct I have, because I'm not sure if they're mine or Holstrom's!"

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ALSO, here's something else we were working on in the discord! My friends Queen and Toffee made this really cool edit together, I just helped a bit with finding clips, but because neither of them have tumblr they asked me to post it here on their behalf!

(SPOILERS for s2, including the ending in this)

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WIP sketches from tonight, hangin out in vc on the pantheon discord!

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Pantheon: Edgerunners

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Meme created by my good friend Masnigun who I got into Pantheon and in turn, got me into Epic

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pantheon really said the love mattered its all that mattered and its the whole reason why everything else matters and i love that for it

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Yours was always a borrowed dream, Vinod

(Both pieces under the cut!)

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Vinod Chanda and his misguided isolated cuntiness has bewitched me

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I don't have art to offer today, but what I DO have is this L

A lil meme I edited together, free to use for all your Maddie-related L-giving needs

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I'm watching a sci-fi animated series and I could suspend my disbelief for a whole 1st season but now they're in a structure in -20C and they're touching metal railings with their bare hands 😭