#but hey!! at least it restores your belly by 5!

[riraro489]

Don't eat X-Eye Seeds

[bugsandchatons]

when you weren’t mine to lose (5)

Summary: Change is a scary thing, especially when it feels like nothing has stayed the same.

It’s been a year since Marinette became the Guardian of the Miracle Box - a year of struggling beneath a burden she never asked for, a weight that has her leaning on her partner more and more as the hours fly by, of letting him come to her, too, when he needs a soft place to land. A year of falling for the boy who takes on the world by her side with a smile made of sunlight, and fighting the growing urge to tell him what he means to her.

After all, they’ll have time enough for that when Paris is safe.

But when the unthinkable happens, Marinette learns the tragedy of loving someone quietly, and the lines she’ll cross to save him.

[[AO3]] {from the beginning}

*****

[five: where the light goes]

Tikki had tried to warn her, to the best of the kwami’s knowledge, what it might be like when the Akuma took over. The nature of the Butterfly Miraculous was to influence, she’d said, not total control - when used negatively it was strong in its coercion, but not irresistible. 

Still, Marinette’s not sure if she could have fully prepared herself for the heavy fog that rolls in over her mind, blurring everything but the violet splash of the butterfly sigil in front of her eyes. 

Hold on to your purpose. Go back, change the timeline, save Chat Noir.

Over and over, until the words stuck.

“Ladybug,” the smooth voice that washes over her is a horribly familiar one, now. “I must admit, I’d begun to wonder if this day would ever come.”

She clenched her fingers into fists. Hold on. Go back. Save him.

“Your partner has died,” Hawkmoth says. The cold flash of agony that ripples through her is muted, pushed back and away somewhere in the distance. “So our purposes have aligned for the time being. We’ve both lost someone who, together, we can restore. Bring me both the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous and we can fix it. You need me to put everything back as it should be.”

Ladybug takes a deep breath in. His request is a siren song; the need to comply is just as strong as the tidal wave of her own anger, her own misery. She buries them together and, little by little, the fog recedes. 

Go back. Save him. 

Despite how it might feel otherwise, he only had as much power over her as she allowed him. She’s Ladybug, and even broken, she would not bend to any will other than her own. “You’re right about that,” her voice sounds far away to even her own ears, “but your plan won’t work. Chat’s Miraculous is broken.”

For a moment, he’s quiet. She can feel it when his disbelief gives way to fury in a steady, rising throb behind her eyes. “I can fix it, but not within the limits of my own Miraculous.” She lets this hang in the air, but still, Hawkmoth says nothing. Ladybug continues, “But I’ve seen what you did for Queen Bee. When she was akumatized, nothing stopped her from using her powers as widely and often as she wished. With the enhancement of your Akuma, I could fix everything.”

“Very well,” Hawkmoth concedes, his voice ringing with displeasure. She feels the leaping need to appease him, but she can control it - she has him. He’s listening to her now. “The Miraculous you wear grants you the power of creation, but even our powers have their restrictions. Without limits, you are unstoppable. Fix what has been destroyed, and then you will bring the Miraculous to me.” She feels his smile and the smugness that radiates from it. “You and I aren’t so different after all, are we?”

The fog threatens, shifting closer and looming at the edge of her vision. The pain behind her eyes blossoms until she’s nearly seeing stars.

Through it all, she can feel Hawkmoth’s glee. He believes he’s already won. Even now, that’s what matters most to him - bringing back the boy he’s convinced is his son is secondary to besting Ladybug. It makes her sick.

Go back. Save him. The thought calls Chat to mind, sharp and clear despite the press of shadows; all bright green eyes and beatific smiles. It’s the best thing to take with her, Ladybug thinks, as she finally falls.

She closes her eyes and gives herself over to the touch of his dark magic until she’s immersed in an icy cold that steals her breath. For a moment, she struggles - submerged, trapped beneath the surface - before she uncurls her fingers, one by one, and lets go.

It ends almost as quickly as it came over her, and then she’s not quite Ladybug any more.

“Hmm. What shall we call you, then?”

She presses a hand over her own racing heart and rises to her feet. The name comes to her at once and she takes it, branding herself before he can do it for her. “Ouroboros.”

“Ahh, creation and destruction, life and death. An interesting choice. Now,” he commands, “fix his Miraculous.”

There it is again - the overwhelming tug to give in. She’s not sure if she could fix Chat’s Miraculous, even now. It’s tempting to try.

“I’m afraid that’s not what I’ve got planned.” The pounding behind her eyes intensifies, and she grits her teeth against the split of pain. “We are not the same, Hawkmoth. I won’t sacrifice a life to save another. I will find a way to save him, though.” 

She had what she wanted, now; a do-over, a second chance.

Reset the clock. Go back. Save Chat Noir.

She clasps her forearms - one hand finds the Snake Miraculous on her left wrist, the other curls protectively over Chat’s ruined ring, tied to her right.

Creation and destruction, she thinks. Together, always.

The end of everything, or the beginning of it.

She closes her eyes and thinks of where the light goes when the night inevitably comes to claim it, and of the sun’s sure return to chase the dark away, An indomitable circle, infinite in its ability to rise again and again. With that in mind, her pain ebbs away to nothing.

*****

The next time Ouroboros opens her eyes, it’s a new day - or, perhaps more accurately, an old one. She gasps, drawing in shallows breaths of cold morning air once, twice, before exhaling and rubbing her palms over her temples. The heavy fog in her mind is gone, as is the agonizing pressure of Hawkmoth’s power struggle.

“When you jump back in time, Hawkmoth should no longer have a hold over you,” Tikki had told her. Like Timetagger, Ouroboros remembers. He’d left the man holding his leash behind, and so had she.

So far, so good.

She looks first down at herself, then at the statue of Ladybug and Chat Noir, lit to sparkling as the dawn breaks. In the shining bronze, she can see what has become of herself. 

Her suit changed. Where there’d always been red and black spots were now soot-black scales, as though she’d been doused in fire and risen from embers. A violent splash of color streaks down a single line from chest to belly, scarlet like a red-bellied snake - a clear warning that this new species was venomous. The mask over her eyes looks as if it's been painted to her nose and cheekbones in charcoal.

In ashes.

She turns away and glances dispassionately down at her gloved hands. She��d need a disguise if she wanted to traverse the city.

As if in answer to the very thought, a dark hooded coat materializes in her waiting palms. Ouroboros supposes she has the limitless powers of creation to thank for it. She pulls it on over her head and lifts the hood to cover her hair. Her reflection in the statue shows her that, while not quite incognito, she could now make her way across Paris without immediately causing a panic.

The urge to seek Chat out and tuck him away somewhere safe is an overpowering one. To just see him, even, would be enough.

She has hours before the battle. She knows what she should do: find a place to hide, at least until school lets out, then place herself near enough to Trocadéro to watch for Mirror Image’s akumatization. Tikki had warned her not to be seen until she had to be - that any changes to the course of the day before the Akuma battle could affect her ability to change what she had to when the time came. She knows when and where Ladybug will be throughout the day to avoid her, but Chat -

Ouroboros pauses, her breath hitching in her chest. She knows where Chat Noir is right now.

Everything else vanishes. With only that in mind, she runs across the park, scales the building across from the bakery, and perches - just one shadow among many on the rooftops.

She doesn’t have to wait long. There, backlit by the rising sun as he climbs out of her skylight, is Chat. 

The sight of him, whole and vital and breathing, feels like a punch to the stomach for all that it fills the cavernous empty space inside of her.

God, there he is.

Her knees hit the rooftop and a sound somewhere between a sob and a gasp shakes out of her chest. Relief, unfettered, sends cold chills down her spine until she trembles with it. It wasn’t until she saw him again that she realized just how terrified she’d been that none of this would work.

A shadow falls across her. She looks up and all she can see is green before she ducks her head back down, wishing she could drown in him instead.

“Hey, are you okay?” Chat Noir offers her a hand, his brow furrowed. His frown only deepens when she places a shaking gloved hand in his. “How did you get up here, anyway?”

Something inside her crumbles. She wants nothing more than to throw her arms around him, to press her cheek to his chest until she can feel his heartbeat, until it’s all she can hear. He reaches out towards her face and pauses, his hand freezing in midair when suspicion wars with the concern in his expression.

When he doesn’t touch her, she raises her own hand and finds tears on her cheeks. When had she started crying?

His gaze is sharp, but his voice is still gentle when he asks, “Do you need help? Have you been akumatized?”

“I-” her voice fails her. She swallows and tries again. “You’re in no danger from me.”

Chat watches her warily, rocking back on his heels. He’s probably never seen an Akuma that didn’t attack first and ask questions later, but even his troubled look is so far and away better than his empty one. The life in his eyes is a balm to an open wound and the love that strains to burst out of her is enough to keep tears flowing.

“Come with me,” he offers her his hand again - his left, the one without his Miraculous - and she’s so proud of him, for his boundless kindness even in the face of caution, for the bravery that pours from him so effortlessly. “We’ll find Ladybug and she can fix everything.”

The sob that bursts out of her this time is broken and raw. To have to hurt him while he heals her is a cruel twist of fate. “Kitty-” 

He tilts his head and she sees it when his guarded confusion gives way to horrible, wretched understanding. His mouth falls open, then he snaps it shut and whispers, “Ladybug?”

Ouroboros bites down on her lower lip. She should never have approached him. She can do nothing to help him now, and if the absolute devastation on his face is anything to go off of, she’s more likely to get him akumatized than anything else. “It - it’ll be okay, Chat.”

“You - you’re not Ladybug,” he says slowly, his voice thick. “She can’t - she would never allow herself to be akumatized.”

If only he knew. That was the funny thing, wasn’t it? She didn’t deserve his unwavering faith. He held her up so high without realizing that she was as fallible as any other person, and all it took for her to tumble down was for him to be ripped away from her. When it all came down, Ladybug was not unbreakable. 

“Never say never,” she murmurs.

His throat bobs as he struggles for words. She reaches out for him, only to think better of it a moment too late - his eyes snap to her arm and widen even further, and she realizes at once what he’s seen.

Nestled above the ruined Black Cat Miraculous on her wrist is the lucky charm that Adrien had made for her birthday. Ouroboros watches his shocked expression give way to a fragile sort of uncertainty right before his gaze flicks back to the building he’s just left.

Her heart breaks for the second time. She knows now, and so does he. He might not understand, but he knows.

There’s no way this moment doesn’t change everything, in any given timeline.

“Hey, kitty,” Ouroboros steps closer, pitching her voice low to soothe, “I shouldn’t have come here, but it’s going to be okay. I’m...I’m gonna fix it like you said, okay?” 

Chat stares at her for a long time, his gaze raking over dark earrings, blue eyes, freckles, and black hair. He searches for an answer she can’t yet give him until the silence is all but unbearable. “I...I know you will, my lady. You always do.” 

Her heart turns over. Even when thrown face to face with the unbelievable, he still chooses to place his belief in her. She won’t let him down again.

He glances at her, then away, as if something about her hurts to look at. “Do you need me?”

She puts a hand to his cheek and something in his expression twists as he turns his face into her touch, his lips brushing her covered wrist. “Always, Chaton. I’m afraid I have to do this part on my own, but I’ll see you soon though. That’s a promise,” she whispers, before glancing past him, scanning the sky for any sign of a butterfly.

There’s not one to be seen, but she’s not surprised. With a teary smile, she meets Chat’s gaze once more before reaching for the Snake Miraculous.

As many times as it takes. Even if it's twenty-five thousand, nine hundred and thirteen times, she’ll save him. At least as long as he fought to save her, or until her breaths stop coming and her heart ceases to beat.

[quarantine-writer]

Why do stray cats follow me? P. 3

I know it doesn’t look like it yet, but this is a (really slow burn) MariChat story. Please don’t hate me.

Part [1] [2] [3]

Adrien’s day had been tired so far. It started at 6 am with Gorilla waking him up.

“Where’s Nathalie?” He said, with his eyes still semi closed.

“... Not coming today.” 

Adrien had a well-balanced, lonely, and healthy breakfast. At 7 am he was already in Pont de Bir-Hakeim for the ‘City Life Collection’ photo shoot of this year. Vincent was talking to the Art Director about locations and special lighting for the shoots when he spotted him.

“Adrien, you’re already here! Go to make up and dress yourself up with combo number 4 first.”

Walking to the dresser he saw Lila with the hair stylist and saluted them from afar. He already knew she was going to be there. For some reason unknown to him, his father agreed on three photo shoots with her. This was barely the second. And because she was good at it, it wouldn’t surprise him that she will eventually sign up for more.

Six long hours passed, and they were done. To celebrate, everyone in the set ate lunch together. Lila was stuck by his side and he didn’t push her off, to be fair, she wasn’t doing anything wrong to anyone that day, so he tried (and failed) to have fun as well. He meant it when he talked to her: they could be ‘friends’ but there was a limit to how much he will be able to endure, specifically if she insisted on hurting his friends. 

"Adrien, do you want to go to somewhere else and enjoy the rest of the day with me?”

“Thank you, Lila, but I can’t”

“If it is because of your father, maybe I can talk to him?”

“I had plans with Nino today, but they got cancelled because Father wants me to practice a new song for an upcoming event. I don’t think his opinion will change.”

“Oh... okay, later then.”

Adrien entered his car without offering her a ride, Gorilla closed the door and Adrien lowered down the window. “Yes, later. Have a nice day, Lila”

“Bye!” Lila said and Gorilla started the engine and the car moved away from her, who kept waving goodbye until they disappeared in the next corner. 

And it was true. Nino wanted to show him how to breakdance and he really wanted to learn, he didn’t specify with his father about the plans, but Gabriel Agreste had a sixth sense when it comes to letting him have fun with friends. Suddenly the day before he was informed that there will be an event host by the Tsurugi family next month and he was supposed to play a couple songs during the evening: “Painted” and “River Flows in You”, both from Yiruma. 

He already knew the second one by heart. It was one of her mother’s favorites.

So, he returned to the mansion and started to practice the first one. For the first two hours he was practicing seriously. The third hour he recorded himself to create a loop that would be played later when Chat Noir went out to play. 

Gorilla appeared at his door around two hours and a half later to give him some food. He returned the empty dishes just before going out. His recording had a very elaborate edit of his very best try, looped three times, and then a couple recordings with errors here and there. If his father came when the errors were being played, he won’t disturb. If he went when the recording was sounding perfect and realize he still was playing, he won’t interrupt neither. Nobody will enter his room in the next 3 hours, probably. It was almost 5 pm.

“Plagg, claws...”

“Wait!” Plagg interrupted him mid-sentenced.

“Plagg?”

“First you shush me because you are recording and now you suddenly transform without saying a word? What happened to your manners kid?”

“Sorry Plagg, but I didn’t have any recording of that song, and I really wanted to go out.”

Plagg was still playing hard. Floating with both arms crossed in front of Adrien’s face “Where are we going today?”

“I don’t know... anywhere else but here.” Plagg was still with his tiny arms crossed, clearly upset for being ignored. “But I’m sorry bud, do you want extra cheese before going out today? Or do you want to stay? We can play video games if you want.”

Adrien would probably never realize how much Plagg loved him. He dropped his arms and decided to go lie down to the blonde’s head so he couldn’t see his face. Adrien moved something inside Plagg with his suggestion to stay home to make him, the God of Destruction, feel better when clearly Adrien just wanted to run away. “Nah, I ate the emergency supplies when you were recording. I’m fine if I got three extra cheeses when we return”

Adrien pet Plagg’s head over his head with a smile “You are incorrigible buddy. Plagg, claws out!”

                            ━━━━━━━━※━━━━━━━━

To be honest, she woke up that morning thinking that her day was going to be exhausting.

But here she was, smiling, hugging Luka’s back on the way home, resting her head on him. Both were on his bicycle, carrying an empty box behind. 

Luka smelled like lavender, probably because of the cloth softener in his house, but it recalled her freedom and peace. And she just wanted to keep hugging him all day.

It has been an awesome day so far. She woke up late but on time to meet Luka. She stayed very late the previous day dividing the gifts by types. Sweaters, scarfs, gloves, hats, everything was also divided by colors. She tagged everything, unwrapped it and put it into bags, and those bags into a box.

Luka gently carried her around Paris to deliver the clothes into a couple charities for homeless. They got lunch together by the Seine. They saw street performers by the Eiffel Tour doing brake-dance and a couple mimes playing with kids.

Luka bought her a smoothie and they walk down the Jardin des Tuileries while talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

When they passed near Notre Dame, he told her he would like to show her his new progress with her melody, so she listened quietly the 2 minutes song on a bench next to him, watching the peaceful Parisians enjoying a sunny and beautiful Saturday. 

Everything was lovely and colorful. So far, no Hawkmoth, no Chloé, no Lila, no stress, no danger. It was like a vacations day and she was up to live it full for what it last. Since the moment she opened her eyes she was waiting for the next akumatized person to show up and change her plans, but it was already 4:00 pm and Luka was successfully distracting her from her own thoughts.

Luka never asked her why she had so much male clothes, and even that small detail gave her peace at mind. He didn’t judge, he just listened. 

There was a moment in which she was startled by a purple butterfly on Notre Dame. He immediately put himself on between them, with a fierce determination. But it was a regular butterfly. They laughed together by the realization but laughs stopped when he hugged her.

“I promise I will protect you with all I have if Hawkmoth dare to attack today”

And Marinette knew it was true, he has already done it after all, jumping to protect her from the bees last time. If Luka haven’t done that, who knows what would have happened to her that day.

It made Marinette immediately sad. It was horrible to know that thanks to Chloé: Luka will never be Viperion again, Alya couldn’t be Rena, Max couldn’t be Pegasus, Kim couldn’t be Roi Singe, Kagami shouldn’t be Ryuuko and Nino couldn’t be Carapace.

Of course, Luka thought she was suddenly sad because Marinette was scared for him. He caressed her cheek. “Don’t be sad, Marinette. If there’s something I’m scared of is not Hawkmoth, but to not being able to cheer you up when you are distressed”

Marinette hid her face in his chest.

“You want to talk about it?” He asked, softly.

“What do you think will happen if Hawkmoth wins?” she mumbled.

“That won’t happen. Paris has the best heroes on earth.”

“But what if” she insisted.

Luka meditated his answer for a couple seconds “Then everybody in Paris will help Ladybug and Chat Noir to get a proper revenge. If Hawkmoth ‘wins’ I’m sure everybody will fight along with them to help them restore everything back. Including us both. Am I right?”

Marinette let a little giggle escape her lips. “But of course, Luka”

“I can imagine you as a hero you know, brave, smart, beautiful”

Marinette blushed immediately “Ugh... stop. Don’t exaggerate”

“I am not!” he said, kissing her forehead. Marinette’s heart skipped a beat. “You will probably overshadow Ladybug. At least to my eyes.”

She didn’t immediately reply to that. She was feeling too many butterflies in her belly and even her neck was probably red right now. She covered her face with her hands and mumbled a quiet “Thank you”.

Luka released her from the hug and got on his bicycle again “Let’s go, I don’t want your parents to think I kidnapped you.”

And really, time flies. How come she already spent 8 hours with Luka without noticing it?

So here she was. In her way home, hugging Luka’s back and smiling while mumbling the melody he played for her a couple hours ago. Since the last battle she has spent countless hours talking to Tikki and the other kwamis, studying, learning about history and her new role responsibilities and thinking about strategies. She had been holding quite difficult discussions in her room lately. And she didn’t even have the chance to talk to Chat Noir yet.

So, it felt good to be able to relax today. She didn’t realize she needed a moment of peace that much.

She also didn’t notice Chat Noir jumping from rooftop to rooftop, but he did spot them and gave them a sincere smile from afar.

“Hey, Luka”

Marinette called him from behind when they were a couple streets from her home.

“Yes? Do you want me to stop?”

“No, just change directions please”

“Change directions? Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere” She hugged him stronger. “If it is okay. I just want to stay a little more with you today. Just one more hour.”

Luka’s heart shrank and he almost lost control of the bicycle by Marinette sudden comment.

“Do you want to see the sunset from Sacre Coeur?” He asked.

“I would love to”

                           ━━━━━━━━※━━━━━━━━

Adrien arrived home before anyone noticed it and went downstairs to have dinner at the same time as always. His dad was unexpectedly waiting for him at the table. 

“Father? What are you doing here?”

“I have some news to share with you, Son” Gabriel asked him to take a sit with his hand. Someone from the service staff served him a plate with onion soup, toasted bread and a glass of water.

When they were alone, his father started conversation again “As you know, Nathalie have not been feeling well lately”

“Is she sick again?” Adrien was looking at his food with a sad look. Something that was stressing him out lately was how much Nathalie’s condition resembled his mom’s.

“Yes, but there’s good news on that regard” Adrien raised his gaze with a hint of hope. “A doctor found out what was happening to her. She will be out for three weeks for recovery, but she will be cured”

“Really? That’s awesome!” Adrien stood up with energy and a smile from side to side, truly excited for the good news “What did she had?”

“Something related to her inner ear, which explains the dizziness. A minor surgery fixes it”

“Can we go and visit her?”

“She prefers not to. But you are welcome to find a gift if you want, for when she returns” His father kept his gaze busy on his tablet, probably still working.

“I will do it, thanks, Father”

                          ━━━━━━━━※━━━━━━━━

When Marinette closed the door of her room, Tikki flew in front of her with a smile.

“Marinette, did you have fun today?” 

“Yes!” Marinette ran to the divan and laid there hugging a cat pillow, while giggling “Today was great, Tikki. I think I didn’t have this much fun in a while.”

“I’m glad” Tikki sat above the cat pillow.

“But as fun as the day was today,” Marinette sat down, letting the pillow aside and holding Tikki on her hands “We have work to do.” She climbed up the stairs of her bed and pull out the miraculous box out of her hidden spot. 

She opened it and took the panjas bracelet, put it on and Roarr appeared in front of her. “Hi Guardian! Is it my turn today?”

Marinette giggled at the little kwami “Hello there, would you please be as nice as to help me to know you better?”

“I like peanuts!” Roarr answered fast “I don’t like when the weak is abused, I’m very protective” 

“I know you can control the lighting of a place and reflect yourself to camouflage” Marinette was taking notes “I also know you take most of the decisions with Sass back in the box when Tikki and Plagg are out”.

“I have had only 13 permanent holders. Nothing compared to the others, so I’ve stayed most of my time taking care of the world inside the box”

“By what circumstances have you been handled to permanent holders?”

“I was stolen 4 times, 7 times I was needed to hide the order of the guardians, 1 time the guardian of the box preferred my powers to fulfill his job, you know, like Master Fu with Wayzz, and one time the Guardian of the box preferred the Pig miraculous, and give my miraculous to his lover so I can help to keep the box safe with her.”

Marinette stopped writing. “What?”

“What, what?”

“A Guardian share this secret with his lover?! Who was it?”

“It was many, many centuries ago” Roarr jumped from Marinette’s hand to her hair “The guardian was married when he was appointed to the task and he decided that the way to keep his family protected was to share the secret with Abelia.”

“Was it a good idea?”

“Many tragedies overcome his family. I know Abelia didn’t regret any.”

They chatted a bit more, Marinette did a pause to get her some peanuts, she showed her the room and what she liked to do and finally they wish each other sweet dreams after a couple hours of getting to know each other.

It was already after midnight and Marinette was already laid on bed when a noise called her attention.

“Ugh... again?”

She popped her head out and saw a watering can spinning on the floor. It stopped and a little kitty walked out there. 

“What are you doing inside there, little buddy?” It was a brown kitty, smaller than the one she saw the other day, but this time the kitty didn’t run away the moment he heard her. It walked to the watering can again, searching for something. Marinette saw how he started to lick the metal, so she went out and pour him some water in a flowerpot base she saw near him.

The kitty followed her and started to drink water “Were you thirsty little one?” She couldn’t help it and pet his head a little. “Such a cutie”

Part [1] [2] [3]

Gosh I’m the worst... I know this looks like a Lukanette (which I also love) but this is the most realistic turn I can take after that season finale! This is a Marichat story even if I haven’t prove it yet :) (please remember the sloow slowwww burn disclaimer from part 1)

[amnachil]

The College Society Chapter 3 Part 13

The last part of the Chapter ! Some important informations about Liam’s past here. There is also some big revelation for the main plot :)

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey Tuesday March 5, in France

It was some sort of joke. Yeah, someone was messing around with him. Why on earth was he doing the shrink for the baboon and his friend all day, all time ? I have others things to do. Like having sex, sex and sex again. After the fatty roommate who fell into the water and the midget who made a little break-down, it was Liam's turn to be depressed. What with this mood ? They can't be happy and healthy like everyone else ? His boyfriend was a real ghost. Not only he was avoiding the Dean's grandson, but he also looked completely elsewhere. I'm not being ignored by him. No way, I'll not tolerate this. My humiliation has gone too far already. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey was seriously pissed when he entered his boyfriend's bedroom. He looked at Nate, Nick and Colton angrily.

"You three. Out, now."

He truly didn't care if the Good Samaritan guessed their relationship. He probably already did. They obeyed quietly, and he faced Liam.

"Baboon. I'm pissed. I'm furious. No, I'm raging mad at you. Stop dreamin' and look at me."

The chestnut freshman did as he told him. He had puppy's eyes, but Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey did his best to ignore it.

"What is wrong with you ?! You told me you would call me for help ! You put this damned condition ! You asked me to be there for you. And when here I am, you don't talk ! This is not fair ! How am I supposed to help if I don't know what is going on ?! Answer, now."

A short blank followed. Finally, Liam came closer.

"I'm sorry." he whispered. "It's... I don't want to lose you. Please, don't be mad."

Too late. But Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey was already simmering down. He couldn't resent this baboon. I hate myself for being so weak.

"Just talk to me." he grumbled. "I don't want to be laid aside only because it concern your ex."

Besides, I already know the story. Barbara told me months ago. Liam took place on the bed and asked him to do the same. Then, he took a deep breath.

"I started to date Kilian around april in 11th grade. He was my first male partner, and I didn't really know where we were going." he related. "But Kilian's parents are strongly homophobic, and they used to beat him because of that. We were a secret, and we managed to remain like this during ten months. It was a great time... But eventually, they found out. His father was so angry, so mad... I though they would kill him, and me by the same occasion."

Liam made a break. Until now, nothing scary. Stupid peole with stupid habits. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey held his comment.

"So I suggested we could run away. Kilian and me, together. I know this is a terrible idea, but at the time, it seemed logical. And so we tried. I tried. But it quickly degenerated. We were lacking of everything after only two days. I was so deseperate to be with him. I thought he was the love of my life..."

Again, a break. Liam was making a real effort to talk. It's not shyness nor idiocy. He hates himself for what happened.

"I proposed to steal some supplies. I know, this is even worst than my first idea but... Anyway, I went in this grocery and... I got caught, we ran. We ran so fast, we were so scared. There was a thunderstorm going on. I'm so stupid. So so stupid. It's all my fault."

"Liam. Look at me."

The baboon obeyed. Damn, stop crying already. He looked so desesperate.

"We were crossing a road and I pushed him ahead, to go faster." he finally said. "A car knocked him over. It wasn't going that fast, and Kilian had only minor injuries but... Still, I almost killed him. His parents sued me for manslaughter. My family went true hell. And they called my father. He came back. He took everything from my mother because of me. Because of my judicial situation. I lost everything. I made my mother lose everything. My siblings, Kilian and his relatives... All our friends... Everyone hates me now..."

He couldn't continue. He cried in Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey's arms. He was so vulnerable. The junior gently patted him, quiet. In what mess I went with these boys ? Liam, Nate, Nick... Do I want to spend my times with them and their problems ? His heart was pounding in his chest. He wasn't good to feel emotions. He had zero empathy since his own heart had been broken. I'm a god among the hunter, I don't do feelings.

"I don't hate you." he whispered. "And I'm not mad anymore."

His boyfriend's grasp became stronger.

"I'm not boyfriend material Liam, you know that. I suck at all this stupid foolishness."

Why tho ? Why am I so bad ?

"But I love you."

He said it. I said it.

"I can't explain it." he added. "But it feels comfortable with you around. Your body, your insane personality, your delirium and your incredible appetite, I love all that. I don't know why, and I don't care. So please, don't hate yourself and let me love you."

I'm done. It's enough for now. He hugged his boyfriend in the silent of the night, and just waited.

Liam Wednesday March 6, in France

He was surrounded. They were everywhere, chasing him. He could not escape them. With strenght, one of them grabbed him. Liam ended face to face with his hunter, a truly gigantic baboon. This one yelled :

"I love you ! I love you ! I love you !"

The chesnut lad suddenly woke up. Eyes wide open, he looked his surroundings. He was cozily lying underneath his sheets. The warm feeling got the best of him. He moaned with pleasure. He smelled a sweet flavor. Pancake, this is pancake. Did he die ? Was it Paradise ? (It was a logical theory : a wonderful bed, a restorative sleep and pancakes, he couldn't ask for more.).

"Hey, are you awake ?" asked Dami.

Slowly, Liam stood up and looked at his boyfriend. He was wearing an apron and a chef's hat. I never noticed how cute he's. Dami wasn't tall nor ripped, but he had a graceful body. (Now he couldn't ask for more).

"I... We did a breakfast." he announced. "Your friends were worried, so I let them help with the preparation. They're completely duffer but well, at least they think they did something nice. "

Where did they manage to cook ? (Well, Dami was more than capable to have requested the hotel's kitchen). (A true hero.). Anyway, Colton, Nate and Nick entered in the room with trays full of foods.

"I know you like to eat." mumbled Liam's boyfriend. "I thought it would cheer you up to have a taste of my own pancakes."

"It will." quickly answered the chesnut lad.

He rushed Dami and kissed him. (He didn't care about the secret anymore). (Okay, he forgot they were not completely official yet).

"Thank you. All of you."

Without any hesitation, he took a pancake and started to eat. It was so good. Yeah, he definitely was in Paradise.

"Dude, how I am supposed to watch my figure with this amazing food ?"

Liam shrugged. His hands were diligently rubbing his belly. Next to him, Dami was texting, but he was resting his head on Liam's shoulder. It was the best love gesture is was ready to do for now, Liam guessed. Nick, who just complained, was sat in the chair next to them. He was overstuffed. His belly pressured his too tight shirt. The buttons were about to pop. Nate and Colton were cleaning the trays. Best breakfast ever. The chestnut lad could have eat more, but he was satisfied. After all, he had just devoured a dozen of gigantic pancake.

"Your belly is making weird noise." mumbled Dami.

Their friends were leaving to bring back the dishes downstair. Liam's boyfriend took the occasion to rub the bloated stomach himself.

"Thank you Dami. It really hit the spot."

"Well, my cooking is made for that."

They remained silent for a bit. Liam couldn't describe how happy he was, even if it was only for a moment. (It was like the first time he had met the unicorns.) (When magical horses come to you, you sure are amazed.).

"After this week, I'll have to hit the gym." he finally admitted. "I'm gorging myself so much here."

"Don't worry. You'll be back to your silly routine in no time."

Again, the silent came. Liam watched his boyfriend rubbing his belly with dedication. How can I describe it ? It has been a long time since I felt this way. He had noticed his boyfriend was rather reluctant to show any affection, especially when the others were here. But man, he knew how to rub a belly. (Dami had so many talents...).

"Before all." said suddenly Dami. "Look, I don't want to put any pressure on you but... Nate told me you have a meeting with Kilian tonight."

"I'll make everything clear with him." affirmed Liam.

"Which means ?"

"I'm in a new relationship. I'm with you. I'll tell him I'm sorry for the past, and we'll be friends because he's on the good side. The force of evils will lose this time."

"You're so weird."

To be honest, Liam was only pretending. It was so easy to appear brave in front of his loved one. But in truth ? Could the unicorns send help ? A massive disaster, a flue, anything which would prevent him to meet Kilian ? But no, the evening came anyway. They had made great progress for their group project, despite Rebecca and Barbara's rudeness. And now here he was, right in front of Kilian, at a terrace in town.

"You look nice today." smiled his ex.

Liam quickly drank his orange juice. (Yes he was still using the straw, so what ?).

"So... It's nice to see you're still friend with Nate. You two are really soulmate."

"Yeah."

Liam was sweating. He looked right in front of him. He pictured an angry Dami telling him to man up, but it only made him chuckle. Kilian looked at him, a bit confused.

"And you're in the same university than Barbara. That's cool." he continued. "She told you why she left in 11th grade ?"

"What ? No. We're not talking these days. She blames me for... you know, stuff."

Oh my god, I'm ridiculous. (Yes, he was often ridiculous, he didn't have pride anymore but still).

"You're not friends ?" wondered his ex. "I thought though. Anyway, Liam, I have something important to tell you."

Don't kill me please. (Yes, it was a bit overestimated, but Liam was still convinced his ex resented him for everything). (And yes, he was very scared : Kilian became so tall and strong ! He looked just like his father now...).

"I missed you." confessed the blond lad. "I... I still love you. Barbara told me some creepy guy were using you but I can be there ! I can come back to America with you."

Not what I planned. Not at all. Send help. Was it a tricky joke of the unicorns ?

"I'm not being used." Liam replied. "Dami is my boyfriend. Sorry I didn't say it earlier..."

"Your what ? He was sleeping with my cousin not two night ago ! Liam please, I can tell he's not sane. Don't fall for it ! He's a psycho who will hurt you. I can go to the United State with you ! I can..."

"Kilian stop."

Liam's tone surprised both of them. It was more serious, more mature than everything he ever did. Now I'm here, so let's go for it...

"You do have a special place in my heart." he admitted. "And I thank you for everything. For the ten months we spent together, for your kindness and even for this two days with you around. I deeply respect you, and I want the best for you. But Dami isn't a psycho. He had done so much for me, I won't let you disrespect him. You're right, he has his own problems but... look at us and tell me : are we saner than him ?"

His ex remained silent for a while. He lowered his eyes, seemingly disappointed.

"You really love him right ? Well, so I guess I don't stand a chance ?"

"I'm sorry..." whispered Liam. "But I spent a very long time trying to move on and now I feel I've finally succeeded thanks to Dami. I can't go back."

"In that case, I honestly hope everything will work between you two. I want the best for you too Liam."

"Thank you."

Barbara Thursday March 7, in France LAST PART

Now she started to get pissed. She had worked for years in order to be perfect. Grades, sports, reputation, family, she had mastered everything. So why all her plans were failing anyway ? Why this vulgar king and his pathetic queen were always beating her ? Kilian was supposed to make a move, but nothing happened yet. And here she was, in this stupid group for a stupid project.

"I think we should insist on their labors relations." announced Colton next to her. "It's very known French people have a different connection to work than us american."

"Yeah, that's right." approved Nick. "Everyone agrees ?"

Rebecca and Liam nodded. But the short girl ignored them. Her ally wasn't much useful anymore. Nick had been humiliated, and some people continued to tease him, but it wasn't much. At deseperate time, deseperate moves. She had read in a war manual that it was sometimes necessary to take huge risk for a huge profit. The same applied for economy, and for human's relations. I'll end all of this myself.

She waited until the end of their meeting. Then, she followed Colton while he was going to the restaurant. She hailed him when they were alone.

"Hey hon', I think we need to talk."

He followed her, a bit surprised. You're right, this is not an silly conversation between friends.

"Look, I have right here a video of our first time when you moaned Leila's name instead of mine." she claimed. "You have two choices. Either you do everything I demand, either I post it on internet and everyone will discover you pathetic secret. Your call."

Colton looked at her, stunned.

"I never did such a gross thing..." he whispered. "Why are you so... so... Why are you doing that ? What happened since last year ? I've always been nice to you, havn't I ? But you broke my heart and... and now that ? I don't understant what I've done wrong ?"

"Don't look down on me." she retorted. "Nothing special happened, I just want to be a the top. You can't be perfect without sacrifice. Now, will you listen to me ?"

He didn't hesitate long. Apparently, he was really scared for his reputation. You're such a lame.

"What do you want ?"

"Now I must be fuckin' dreamin'." swore a voice she immediately recognized. "You must be kiddin' me. What a bunch of retards."

Slowly, Barbara turned towards Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey, surprised to see him here. He wasn't supposed to show up. Dismayed, she noticed Matthew right next to him. The sophomore was smiling from ear to ear.

"Little roach, what did I just hear ? You were about to blackmail the guy ? For fuckin' real ?"

"And what ? Don't tell me you had never been dirty ?"

"You jackass. I'm only having sex idiotic moron. And with consenting people, dumbass. Yeah maybe I'm hurting some feelings in the process, but I'm not doing any illegal stuff you cunt."

The blonde girl understood something wasn't right. Why Matthew brought him here in the first place ? The swimmer was so proud of himself. It hid something.

"Doll Man, come here. You don't have to listen to this idiotic bitch."

"One second Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey." she said. "What is all this ?"

For a second, everyone remained silent. Then, a voice came through the Dean's grandson phone.

"Barbara Henrion ? Hi. I'm D.R. The head of the women defensor club, and also the head of the hunters."

The what ?! The freshman froze, astounded. Tell me that's not true.

"By trying to blackmail a student of the university, you contravened to the rules of the college, and also the hunting code. We also made some investigations about you."

"What ? Wait a second. Who are you ?"

"She's the so-called queen you were so eager to replace, stupid." explained Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey. "Now hurry up, I don't have the whole night to lose."

"Sure thing, sorry." D.R continued. "So, we found out you and Roberto Rios had deliberately damaged the university's facilities. You realise you could be expelled for this ? We could call the police straight away."

Barbara didn't reply. She didn't know what to do. I'm in a real mess. What went wrong ? How did they know all that ?

"However, this is your first misdemeanor, so I'll be merciful." decided D.R. "I'm speaking in the name of the Dean. You are dismissed from all your responsabilities in the student union. You'll be placed under the surveillance of Matthew Davos. I'll send you two the detail. Are we clear ?"

Is it even possible ? Was I wrong all along ? She fighted Summer with so much application. All that for nothing ?

"I repeat, is that clear ?"

"I... I understand perfectly well." Barbara finally spilled.

She wasn't stupid. She could recognise when the war was lost. And her defeat was complete.

To be continued in Chapter 4

So much in one chapter !

Damian said the three words. He admitted his feelings for Liam. And that’s good news ! Plus, they finally get rid of Barbara, who met the infamous head of the hunter, D.R !

So yeah, Liam was naive when he was young. He tried to run away, and it failed. But considering how dangerous are Kilian’s parents, that’s not so surprising. Let’s hope things will be better with Damian. At least this one provides food ;)

[paperclipninja]

Younger post-ep recap 6x06

Due to a rather unfortunate run in between my laptop and a glass of water I lost my original ramble for this week’s Younger (as well as the actual laptop so R.I.P Lappy, you were actually pretty terrible but we had a good run). So instead of my usual review I thought I’d do more of a recap and refresher of the last episode to get us prepped, primed and pumped (aka the 3 P's) for the next installment (ep7).

Episode 6 of Younger was in many ways so bonkers that it shouldn’t have worked, but somehow all the pieces came together and it did .Oh boy did it ever! I outright belly laughed a number of times throughout and I think my dog was mildly concerned for my well-being because there were actual tears coming out my eyes at a couple of points. I’m a sucker for a pun so ‘Merger, She Wrote’ had me at hello (you could say my hopes for the ep were high...yes I did and #notsorry). What I wouldn’t have given to be in the room to see the reactions to a script with ‘Liza goes to talk to the nurse who is actually a plant’ in it. So yes there were LOLs galore but most importantly, by the end of the ep order had been restored following the upheaval of the past 6 episodes (which is about the limit viewers can take sitting in the discomfort of an unfamiliar detour from the norm IMO: think the Bryce Reiger arc in season 3 and the Charles finding out the lie in season 5...it’s almost as though Darren and co. have done this before...), Finally the fam is back together at Millennial (or is it Mercennial now?)

Straight off the bat I was very distracted for most of the opening scene by Liza’s dress and look in general because it was AMAZING.  I am loving all the Maggie/Liza in the morning scenes we’re getting this season and Maggie in a blue coverall embarking on a DIY rope harness ceiling painting project...what could possibly go wrong? I felt mildly uncomfortable at how relatable Maggie’s not being served for 10 mins in a bar and sneaking out to the fridge in the night were, but was also mildly mesmerized by Liza’s coffee mug that looked like some kind of old-timey wash basin (turns out this was not relevant to the story but noted nonetheless). Maggie also offers the very straight forward solution of merging the two companies to alleviate the tension that’s putting Liza and Charles in ‘not a good place’ and I love that her ‘bing, bang, boom’ is echoed by Liza when she floats the idea with Charles later in the ep. 

The' Microdosing' book pitch provided us with the set up for the retreat and my fave thing about this scene was how IN character all the characters reactions were to it all; Diana is flat out appalled by the whole thing, Liza is Captain Cautious but trying to play it cool and Kelsey looks like she’s seeing colour for the first time and would 100% pledge her devotion to Travis in any kind of cult situation.

What might have seemed out of character, but actually ended up so perfectly capturing the way she always does everything with absolute gusto, was Diana's foray into boomer erotica narration (as Liza so eloquently put it, 'I think we just found our Seasoned Slut'. These lines, I swear *rofl emoji* )  I think I laughed through the entire scene of Diana in the recording studio, I mean, Miriam Shor's delivery of every line just kills me, but the highlight was undoubtedly when she suggested she could hit nipple a little harder and affirmed  'throbbing nipple' to herself as she walked back to the booth. Zane and creepy af Audrey Colbert waiting allowed for Diana to unsubtly hot foot it out of there, which was a great throwback to her refusal to be in the same room as Audrey in ep 3.

It was a also great opportunity to bring Zane and Kelsey back together and who doesn't love an awks 'accidentally had the mic open and didn't realize' moment when you're talking about how your author is definitely a murderer? I feel like Audrey may go and find another publisher now (just a hunch) but I would really like to see more of her because this character is a type of unhinged that we haven't seen on this show and I think that could be a lot of fun to see play out. I have to say that Kelsey Peters is NOT someone I picked as a boop-er of noses, yet there she was at the bar, booping Zane's nose and this was my favourite interaction of theirs in the series. I was totally digging the dynamic this ep and it will be very interesting to see what that will look like with the new work arrangements. Also, where was Zane when that was all going down btw? I assume Charles filled him in on the bringing the companies together plan before it happened?

Liza's excitement when she told Charles the idea of merging the two companies was endearing and I am unabashedly a big fan of Charles, but his attempt at convincing Liza to join him at Mercury after she tells him that she won't leave Millennial and Kelsey, by saying he left his company to be with her, was super shitty. But it was also super necessary. Because at some point this needed to be said and most importantly, Liza needed to call him out on it and let him know that he cannot use it as a bargaining chip. One of the things I love most about the Charles/Liza dynamic (aside from all the things, but that's another essay) is that Liza is her own advocate in this relationship, she will stand her ground when something is important to her and does not compromise herself to appease Charles. He is equally as stubborn but they are able to have the hard conversations that need to be had but this doesn’t lead them to question whether they want to be together (I very much appreciated the kiss on the cheek Liza gave Charles before she left for this very reason).

So of course being on a psychedelics retreat together when they've hit a roadblock in the relationship was definitely a very good idea...Well it was for us as viewers at least, because pretty much from the moment they arrive and Liza and Charles start talking straight to camera as the literal doctor (my god that whole line just cracked me up) informs them they'll be taking not-LSD, we know we're not in Kansas anymore Toto. Enter Josh for *insert drama here* purposes (and I do think he should franchise Inkburg coz why not?) and we have, ladies and gentlefolk, a recipe for some next level hilarity. But not before Josh and Liza share a lingering look as they take their dose of illicit substance to ensure that Lizs's trip includes one down memory lane.

I have made my feelings about love triangles known many times (quick recap: hard dislike. Tricky to pull off without one or more characters looking bad. Very tiring as a viewer and quite frankly I am pretty lazy and tired most of the time irl so just don't want it on my screen), however I will say that I did not see this ep as re-stoking the love triangle, I saw it as simply reminding us that it is there and can be reignited by the writers at any stage. Within the context of everything that was happening, Liza hallucinating Josh at her door actually made sense and I have no doubt that various factions of Younger fans had meltdowns at that moment for very different reasons.. Sutton Foster's physical comedy throughout this whole ep was second to none, starting at her realization that it was, in fact, Charles who had come to her room and continuing the next morning at breakfast.

Speaking of which, there was something about seeing Liza and Charles in the breakfast room together that made my sappy heart swell, it had such a vacay feel and I'm sure if you muted your volume you could pretend they were just listening to the activities for the day before going off to spend some quality time together...I mean, maybe that would be a thing, I wouldn't know....where was I? Oh yes, the unfolding of a series of comedy golden McNuggets™ that I am still laughing about. We learn that Liza is a supertaster (for those like me who pretended they understood what that meant but then realized they did not, I googled it and it means that she is sensitive to the drugs and basically the microdose affects her like a full dose, you're welcome) and I am chuckling even now when I think about Josh's, 'hey guys' in Charles' voice as he joins the table.

This is another one of those concepts that I feel like could've not worked at all but sweet lawd, the Charles and Josh voice swap scene was next level and I could watch this and the scene that follows over and over and never not laugh. I again LOVE the decision to have the guys talk to camera because it absolutely emphasizes the whole situation and Liza sidestepping away to visit the nurse just rounded off the whole crazy caper.

I have no words to describe how much I love the flat out ridiculous perfection of the visit to Nurse Maureen. Yes Liza has the epiphany that Josh and Charles bring out different things in her (though hot sex seems to be at the core of both so ya know, sounds like a win in the past and present and good for her on both accounts) and again, the unlikely scenario that her ex and current boyfriends are in the same place at the same time (while she is taking mind altering substance) has just played out so it also makes sense in this context. Quite frankly I'm shipping her and Maureen pretty hard at this point because a) it is not easy to pull off eyeshadow that green and b) everyone deserves someone in their life who has the kind of belief in Liza that Maureen does when she tells her 'I bet you can' dance just like me. I don't even know how to explain whatever that dance is but I just know that I want someone/something in my life that will windmill their/it's arms at me with such fervor that I find myself dancing with two attractive men in tuxedos on a galaxy stage.

I cannot express the joy I felt watching the entire dance scene, it was all just so. much. fun. But my absolute hands down favourite moment was when it cut back to the retreat and we, along with Charles and Josh, discover that Liza is in fact dancing with 'Maureen' the plant and seriously, this is up there with my highlights of the entire series. That and the reveal that the selfies Liza was taking were sent to Diana (Diana speaking to Liza in her 'sexy' voice, asking 'where is my plant?', Liza's, 'Maureen', I just cannot with every part of this glorious tie in at the end of the ep. I am sending Ashley Skidmore a houseplant to express my gratitude for gifting us with these moments*). Seeing Josh and Charles together was great but it was clear a scene was missing and I am SO glad that Younger released the deleted conversation between the two of them coz it was both necessary because YES and also because it suddenly made Charles' entire conversation and reason for his decision to sell Mercury make sense (ie. was pretty pivotal).

I big A adored Charles and Liza's conversation (and outfits and aesthetic overall) as they're leaving the retreat, the shift in Charles is palpable and it's just such a credit to the writing and acting to be able to convey so much in such a brief scene. Maggie of course experienced quite the shift herself, from ceiling to floor, with a sufficient amount of dangling as her helpful neighbourly pervert got himself off as she got herself down. But most importantly, Maggie got her mojo back (though is she not currently dating Beth? In which case location of missing mojo: unclear).

Now I gotta tell you, the final scene of this week's ep up and got me. Big time. Kelsey's earlier comment, that she really hates competing with Charles, certainly added weight to the resolution we've all been waiting for this season. Charles' honesty about his realisation that he is hurting his family, not to mention him confirming that he means Kelsey, Diana and Liza and that he wants to come home, ugh, my insides are gooey just writing these words, leads to his offer to Kesley and honestly, the interactions between all of them in this scene was wonderful. I loved that Kelsey held the room, that Charles was putting the offer to her from one businessperson to another (though thank goodness Diana was there to point out the difference between $1 and $1000000 eek! Also, I get that it would never occur to anyone that the price would be $1 so I'll cut Kels some slack). Diana looks like she is going to cry at any moment from elation and I love the way Kelsey asks for the approval of the ladies before shaking Charles' hand. This will forever be one of my favourite scenes on this show.

The thought of Charles coming back and working as an editor alongside Liza is an actual dream. I mean, I am very happy to be taken on the journey the writers set, but I have legit wondered what it would be like to see him in that role and he and Liza working together properly as equals and I absolutely cannot believe it's going to happen.

Well this ended up being quite a bit longer than I expected (lol, what a surprise). Bring on episode 7!

*I will not in fact be sending Ashley Skidmore a houseplant because I live in a very far away country, it would cost a lot of money and it is 1000% creepy to receive a dead plant from a stranger. 

[embersofalily]

Avengers Endgame

With 10 years of story and film coming to an end, needless to say it was going to be epic.

Spoilers ahead.

Last Warning SPOILERS ahead!!

Ok, if you’re still reading, and haven’t seen Endgame, stop here.

All sorts of emotions happened during the film.

Be prepared to at least shed tears.

The start of the film was as expected with everyone in a devastation.

Little Kate being hinted as future Hawkeye (comics)! Or so I think. Mayo, wierd taste buds.

Clint’s family being dusted in the snap! I was expecting it from the trailers but it still made me feel dread and then pain for Client. The panic Jeremey Renner portrayed felt very real.

Some of my theories were off like how and who would be rescuing Tony and Nebula. Tony’s farewell message we saw in the trailer still made me feel for the character.

Heck yea to Ms. Marvel’s ( I can’t get use to Captain Marvel as her MCU name) appearance! I’d say I’m satisfied with her being their rescue.

Part of me wonders if Pepper or any of the Avengers staying at HQ we’re receiving the recordings.

It would have been moot since they rescued him, unless, the recordings were how they were able track where the Milano was drifting. If they were that deep in space, would explain why it took so long for Carol to find them. And enough time for Steve to finish shaving, haha.

It hurt to see Tony and Steve still not fully on the same side. I had forgotten momentarily, that, while they fought Thanos together, they were not fighting side by side. When Tony ripped his core out, it scared me out of concern.

That Lets Fight Thanos one more time to get the stones- plan could have been grief talking. With maybe Carol’s personality heh.

While having the stones destroyed in the current timeline was disheartening for the hearts, anyone who’s been theory crafting with the trailers probably expected Scott’s arrival and time travel.

5 years! I wasn’t expecting that amount of time to pass.

Scott’s actions of experiencing the after math was heartbreaking too; thank goodness Cassie wasn’t part of it. I wonder who was taking care of her those 5 years, perhaps Scott’s friends from Ant Man movie? Forgot their names...

Ooh, so it wasn’t Scott in the past like some were theorizing on the net, it was real time Scott ringing the front door.

Little Morgan was adorable! I wonder if her putting on that helmet means something for the future Marvel films? Or is that me looking too into it?

Time travel movie references HA. MCU time travel rules involves multiverse, like how the cartoons and comics have multiple Earths.

Ooh, Tony, you’re still an Avenger even if you want to protect the now (Pepper and Morgan).

Also, Tony should have pulled a “language!” at Morgan, bwahaha. “No, only Mommy can say that word. She coined it.” 

Wasn’t expecting Banner Hulk combo or his new found fame.

Time travel experiment was amusing since Banner wasn’t familiar enough with Quantum physics and Cap and Nat were concerned about Scott’s safety. Insert forced smile towards Scott and comedic time travel effects on Scott.

Tony and Steve make up! And aw, Tony gave Cap another Shield ~

New Asgard!

Oh gosh, I thought Thor with a beer belly was bad but Thor rambling, drunk?, about Aether and Jane. Rocket’s face and Hulk’s gesture said it all haha.

Time heist! Nice ring to it by the way.

Bwahah, Banner Hulk, Cap and Tony (2019) seeing Hulk (2014) smashing things and realizing the personality change. Insert fake punch car and weak throw bike, Bwahaha.

I knew the heist was going to have a hiccup somewhere, potentially more than once. Bruce talking to (2014) Ancient One and she realizes Strange had a plan! That was a sigh of relief there since it seemed like it was going to be full Nope not giving you the Time Stone - situation.

Cap 2019 getting in the elevator with 2014 SHIELD agents (hydra agents) was a nod off to Civil War!! I was prepared for the same beat down that happened in Civil War to happen again.

Cap 2019 meeting Cap 2014. “ I could do this all day” “oh I know you can. (Sigh)” was funny.

I’m assuming using the scepter on Cap 2014 erased the fact Cap 2019 told himself about Bucky being alive.

Pointing out Evans butt was amusing.

Tony 2019 getting hit by door+ annoyed by stairs Hulk (2014) had to hurt. Loki warped away with 2014 Teseract! That has to be something that’ll be touched on in future films, with how the Ancient One talking about branches of the timeline.

Tony meeting his dad and their interactions as fathers was sweet. And hey 1940s Jarvis!

Cap 2019 seeing Carter 2014 from another room was bittersweet.

Nat and Clint fighting each other to sacrifice for the Soul Stone was tense and then heartbreaking when Nat did sacrifice herself.

Nooooo I didn’t realize Nebula 2019 was connected to the system still in 2014 so Thanos got to see the future! Gamora 2014 def has some hint of switching side though.

When they all returned from their respective missions, their reactions finding out Nat sacrificed herself was saddening.

Execute plan to return the 50%! Was worried about damage to Banner Hulk’s body post Iron Man Gauntlet snap. Luckily it was only the arm and not full body and that his body could indeed take the toll.

Victory was short lived since Nebula 2014 brought Thanos, Order and army of 2014 to 2019 and oberlierated HQ.

So worried that when Nebula 2014 caught up to Clint that she’d kill him but luckily Nebula 2019 and Gamora 2014 caught up to Nebula 2014!

Surprised Nebula 2019 killing her 2014 self didn’t have any temporal backlash, but Marvel time travel meant it only caused a branch.

The 3 vs 1 fight between Cap, Tony and Thor vs Thanos!

Cap finally able to pick up and call Mlojnir!!!! Insert audience claps and cheers!

“I knew it!” -Thor

“On your left! “Insert audience cheer as all those who got snapped came back via Strange, Wong and other fellow mystical monks’ yellow portals.

Peter and Tony’s hug~ warm and fuzzy feels there :)

Carol just destroying the mother ship in her reentry to Earth. Oh yea~

The LaCucaracha car alarm ha! A nice comical break during the battle.

“Anyone see a brown van?”

The hot potatoing of the stones to try to bring it to the van.

All female hitters assisting Carol to the final goal, another heck yea~

Thanos’ headbutt to Carol doing nothing, mwahahaha, YES! 

Thanos destroying the van just as Carol was about to toss the stones in , nooooo!

Strange signaling Tony about the one chance.

Tony using the gauntlet to snap Thanos and his goons. Yes! But..!

Noooooooooooo! Peter’s and Pepper’s farewell to Tony was so sad! Tom Holland’s acting and voice really brought me to tears. It was a reversal of RDJ and Tom Holland’s scene in Infinity Wars. 

Tony’s recorded farewell was also sad to watch. Happy Hogan making his appearance to the funeral and interacting with Morgan was bittersweet.

I was surprised to see that boy from Iron Man 3 at his funeral but it was a good kind of surprise. I actually didn’t know who he was when I saw the scene but found out after I read an IGN article.

Cap’s choice to stay and live life naturally with Carter was sweet! I wonder if Bucky knew of Steve choice before Cap went back to return the stones to their natural place. It was a nice end to Cap’s story.

Sam gets his Shield!!! Nod off to comics Sam Wilson becoming next Cap!!

Thor going the Guardians and Valkyrie becoming next Ruler of Asgard were nice touches! I’m glad for Thor that he got to have a talk with his mother in 2014.

Clint reuniting with his family was nice especially since in the beginning it was so heartbreaking. I wonder if he’ll tell them about their Aunt Natasha though ):

Wonder what Banner Hulk’s future plans are? He’s pretty popular with the kids it seems, so it’s not like the Incredible Hulk where the Army was after him.

Young Avengers seems possible for future films. There was also news of a Black Widow movie, though I wonder if that’ll be a prequel type or another lady taking up the name???

Peter seems pretty learned with his powers, or at least the Iron Spider suit during the showdown. Well, I guess the suit is broken now and no one can repair it like Tony could ):

I wonder if Vision will return? If Shuri did indeed download all of his data, his body could be (or perhaps even is being??) remade and restored via Wakandan tech even. 

The metal clinks at the end of the credits made me wonder. Are they a nod to Tony Stark, for starting these 10 years? Or a hint of a future armor wearing hero? 

Now that Disney has bought Fox and X-Men back, I wonder what sort of stories will be coming up. I’m assuming with these hints of Young Avengers line up in Endgame, that they’ll be character movies in the future.

All in all, Endgame was a nearly definitive end to Phase 1, with only the questions of the branches to alternate Earths the Ancient One mentioned being questioned (Loki’s escape with Teseract 2014). The weaves of the story were pretty well done in my book, with nods off to past films in Endgame during the Time heist as well as closures for many of the original Avengers.

[marvellouslymadmim]

Five Things

Thank you @culturepopper for the tag! 

5 Things in My Bag (Or something else if you don’t carry a bag):

Wallet

Phone

Keys to other people’s houses

Baby Lips #5 BECAUSE IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIPS AND YOUR LIFE

My planner + at least 2 pens

5 Things in My Room

A shadow box filled with fun notes and artwork from all the children I’ve worked with, over the years

Antique dresser I restored and repainted and IT IS THE CUTEST DAMN THING EVER

Dried flowers for rituals

A magical dress my second mum made (one day I’ll tell you the story)

Crystals. Lots of crystals.

5 of My Favourite Things

Maladaptive daydreaming while driving to work (sorry, fellow motorists).

Music.

Solo travel.

The way kids laugh when you can feel it shaking their entire belly, and they’re just the embodiment of true delight. It sounds like wine pouring too quickly from a bottle and it’s the best thing ever.

Singing people to sleep. I don’t care how fucking old you are, if I love you, I will sing to you at some point.

5 Things I’m Currently Into

MARIE KONDO WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. SHE IS A PURE PIXIE AND MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS OK.

It’s Carnival season so...New Orleans Jazz is on repeat and I’m pulling out my recipes for Mardi Gras.

Rediscovering joy in my life and surrounding myself with physical reminders of that joy.

Soft anything. Soft pillows, soft sheets, soft butches...

Deeply listening. Radical compassion is so hot right now.

5 Things on My To-Do List

I legit gotta start my yeast for tomorrow’s french bread. We can’t have crawfish dip without some NOLA style french bread!

Finally go back and read all the other TWW Valentines Lemon!Fest entries and squeal at all the smutty goodness.

Finish planning my trip to see the Redwoods and Sequoias. I’ve lived in California for nearly 5 years and I still I haven’t see them :/

Probably need to mail out that cool scarf I got for my best friend back in fucking November...maybe tomorrow though...wait tomorrow’s Mardi Gras, I will definitely be drunk off my ass...soo...Thursday sounds good.

I feel like there’s probably a bill I need to pay. There’s always a bill to be paid. Adulthood really balances out the whole “yeah you can have whatever you want for breakfast and get drunk and wear what you want” thing with a lot of dumb stuff like “hey, pay your gas bill so you can have hot water” and “when’s the last time you changed the oil in your car?”

No pressure, but let’s tag: @room-on-broom, @saltbroom, @cassiopeiasara, and anyone else who wants to play!

[defectivemecha]

TMNC(at)- A TMNT OC insert Part 1.01

Okay, I stand corrected. Each episode may have to be split into three parts? Please bear with me.

S01E02- A Better Mousetrap 2/3

Of course, it couldn’t have been more than an hour or two before I could hear Leo and Raf starting to argue downstairs. ‘Is it too much to hope that they’ll knock each other out before too long?’ I groaned and scrunched up tighter as the argument escalated. ‘How in the world does Splinter sleep through this?’ “Fine, I’ll deal with it.” I growled to the ceiling before rolling out of my comfortable nest to go separate the two idiots before something regrettable was said. When I got downstairs, the scene was pretty much as expected, Mikey was passed out in front of the still-running TV and Donnie was working on a mouser that looked to be whole again, while Leo and Raf were grappling in the tunnel leading into the lair. ‘So… What, one of them tried to leave the Lair?’ I leapt down to the bottom floor just as Don exclaimed triumphantly, “Ha! I got it working again!” Mikey suddenly shot into wakefulness again as Don began typing up a storm on his computer.

“Hey, awesome! But, uh, what are you doing now?” Mikey asked, still obviously half asleep. “I’m looking for some kind of return code, something I can use to track it back to the source.” Donnie explained, waving at me as I examined the little tin terror uneasily. “Maybe if we can figure out where it came into the sewer, we can block the door and at least stem the tide until I can devise a way to keep these mousers out of the lair.” “Sounds good,” I responded absently as the arguing in the tunnel became a fight, “in the meantime, I’ll see what I can do about shutting up the testosterone twins so that relative peace may be restored.” Donnie shrugged as Mikey snickered, they were used to the conflicts, I was still new enough to the idea of sibling rivalry that it bugged me.

In the way of things, though, I didn’t get farther than halfway before- “Oh for-” Donnie smothered a curse as the mouser sprung to life and cleared his desk for him as it trotted in the direction of the tunnels. For being so stout, it was an agile little thing, dodging tackles from both Mikey and Donnie on its merry way around the main chamber. “Donnie, I swear,” I vowed, snagging my knives and weapons belt from the rack. “If you can’t learn to control your toys!” I flung a shuriken, but the little monster turned before it could hit! “Hey, it wasn’t my fault!” Donnie claimed indignantly as he grabbed his bo-staff. “Um, yeah, that would be my bad. Actually.” Mikey grinned sheepishly as I glared at him. “No time! It’s getting away!” Donnie cried.

What ensued was a five mutant race to keep up with one overpowered toaster as it led us into the tunnels closer to the subway system. “Whoa,” I skidded to a stop as the mouser continued clattering it’s merry way out of the tunnel and along a pipe that spanned the length of a massive septic-tank-thing? “Watch your step here guys,” Leo warned, “don’t wanna end up as mutant soup.” I shuddered as I regarded the drop, and the smell, thankfully I had to pay too much attention to my footing to worry about other things, like what I was stepping in. Of course, things only got better, because the mouser began climbing the wall!

Of course, we all had a pair of shuko spikes on us, metal spikes on substantial “gloves” used for climbing when anything else is too clumsy, it’s not easy to climb with them, but it’s doable. “Uhg. Next time, let’s leave the wall crawling to the dude in the blue and red tights!” Mikey complained. “You read way too many comic books.” Leo retorted. “Hey Tami, why not just use your claws?” Mikey wondered. “Because I’m not Wolverine.” I panted, glaring at the robot that was dragging me ever farther from my warm bed. “Meaning,” I continued, “that my claws are barely stronger than normal fingernails, so trying to climb with just my claws would only end in a very messy declawing. Answer your question well enough?” Mikey thought it over for a second, “Yeah, I think so.” he conceded. “Hallelujah.” I muttered, the bot had finally climbed into a tunnel. A few moments later, and we were back to running down dark and smelly tunnels.

“Just curious, Don.” Mikey started apprehensively, “What’s to stop Old Turbo Jaws from munching up another 6.2 on the Richter scale?” ‘Good question. This thing surprised Donnie once.’ “I shut down its jaw servos.” Donnie stated, a quick glance showed that he was pretty confident. “It couldn’t even chew through a stick of gum!” Which was the universe’s cue to hand it’s beer over to a half-conscious karma, the mouser skidded to a stop and proceeded to daintily chomp a hole through to wall of the tunnel. “You were saying?” Rafael snarked as we slid to a stop. “But I-” Donatello faltered, “I’m sure I shut it down.” I looked the mouser over curiously as it started in on the wall itself, for Stockman to one up Donnie like this is a fair testament to the former’s skill as a techie. “Oh,” Mikey sighed jokingly, “Don’s finally lost his techno mojo. Sad, really.” Donnie made a face as he regarded the tiny terminator. “It must have some kind of… Security override routine.” He mused, “Come on!” ‘Why would a PR project like a rat-catcher have advanced security measures?’ I wondered as we rushed the freshly made tunnel. ‘Heck, why would a rat-catcher need the ability to burst through walls like the Kool-Aid man?’

“Oh no.” Donnie groaned. “What is it Don?” Leo asked. “If I’m not mistaken,” Donnie began, “that’s a serious water main hanging right over heads!” ‘No-no-no-no, please tell me he’s not about to say-’ “So?” Raf prompted, just as leaks began to sprout ominously from the pipe. “So!” Donnie yelped. “Our little mouser friend just ate through the pipe’s support!” Cluuunk! ‘Fudge-’ I scrambled for the tunnel just as Leo cried, “Incoming!” and the old pipe burst, before any of us could get out of the way! ‘Faced-’ I grabbed the pipes along the wall and the back of Mikey’s belt just as the water hit. ‘Fools-’ Thankfully, they all had good reflexes and survival instincts, so he managed to grab Leo and Raf, who in turn had Donnie. ‘Frolicking with-’ Unfortunately, mutant or not, trying to anchor a 5 person daisy chain against the full fury of a bursting water main is not feasible without extra gear. ‘Frivolous-’ I slipped, and we got washed out the tunnel, the initial surge had enough power to send us tumbling into the yawning chasm of sewage. ‘Frogs!’

What followed was nothing short of a miracle of training and luck, Donnie was able to catch himself on a sturdy pipe with his bo-staff. “Grab on!” He shouted desperately. Somehow, Leo, Raf, Mikey, and I were able to grab hold in yet another daisy chain. “Ouch!” Yelped Mikey. “Watch the claws, Tami!” I grimaced. “Sorry,” I snarled, “I just gained 15 pounds of water weight in 5 seconds and lost a year of life to unmitigated terror, so bear with me for a moment while I ATTEMPT TO THINK CALMING THOUGHTS WHILE HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE TO A FLOGGING CHAIN OF TURTLES ABOVE AN UNREASONABLY LARGE SEWAGE SYSTEM!” My volume had built to full on tirade before I could even register the building hysteria. “Ow!” Barked Raf, cutting me off before I could start berating people. “Watch your own claws, Mike!” Mikey writhed a bit. “Aw, keep your shell on Raf!” Mikey teased as he began to swing his feet, and me, like a pendulum. ‘WHAT DOES HE THINK-’ “I got an idea!” My stomach clenched again as he got the whole chain swaying. “MICHELANGELO DON’T-” The threat was cut off by a shriek of pure terror as the momentum caused Donnie to lose his grip and send us sailing through space, and water again.

“Huff!” I wheezed, slamming into the wall face first and shortly followed by one, two, three, four similar impacts all around me. “Guys,” Donnie panted, somewhere above and to the right of me. “Is everyone okay?” Someone spat down and to my left, “Peachy.” Raf growled. ‘Speak for yourself!’ I was having issues hanging onto my dinner, and my breath. Glad as I was to feel solidly anchored again, even if into a wall, there was no way I was thanking Mikey for this stunt. “Yo, Tam.” Raf nudged me slightly, “You alright?” I couldn’t move, the adrenaline had my heart pumping so hard I could barely hear them, but my muscles felt frozen. I couldn’t even move my tail! “No, she isn’t.” Leo snapped from above, and I could nearly hear the glare he shot Mikey. “Quickly, Don, give Raf and Mikey your bo-staff.” “Gotcha, bro.” I heard wood scrape against brick, and the slap of wood against flesh as Mikey caught it. “Now, Mikey, carefully slide it between Tami and the wall. Raf, grab the end. The two of you are gonna have to work the one shuko with your foot to free your hand. Now the two of you need to move so your staff-hand is level with her stomach.” Shuffling and scraping as Mikey and Raf moved to be parallel with me and I could hear Don’s bo staff scrape against the wall just above my belly button.

“Tamara, can you hear me?” I eased an eye open and looked up at Leo. “I need you to trust us. Drop and grab the staff, Mikey and Raf can carry you up until we reach a tunnel.” ‘Drop? Again?!’ I gave an involuntary whimper as my arms trembled ominously. “Get ready,” Donnie warned. My fingers released the shuko spikes just as Raf and Mikey moved the staff farther from the wall, causing the staff to hit me dead in the chest and helping me wrap my arms around the strong wood. Though I had faith in the brothers’ strength and dexterity, breathing was a trial until Leo grabbed me by the waist and set my feet on solid ground, well away from the edge. Unfortunately, my legs were considerably less solid and I slumped against the wall as my knees gave out. ‘Breathe. In for 5… Out for 10… Focus on the stability of the earth around you.’ I focused on this as Michelangelo and Rafael climbed into the tunnel. “Hey,” Mikey knelt down beside me. “Tim-Tam, you going to be okay?” It was petty, and he certainly sounded apologetic, but that doesn’t change the fact that-

“YOU OVERGROWN, SOFT-SHELLED, NITWIT!!” I screamed, launching myself at him as the residual adrenaline sparked a bout of short-lived fury. “WARN US NEXT TIME!!!” I landed a perfect punch on his chin before Raf managed to grab my shoulders and drag me off of him. “Easy,” Raf cautioned, keeping a firm grip on my shoulders as I tried to get my breathing under control again. After a minute or so, the rush faded and exhaustion began to set in, and Mikey was staring into the tank while Donnie and Leo discussed what to do from here. “Mikey,” I sighed, stumbling over to rest a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have blown up on you like that.” Mikey shook his head, frustrated. “No, you were right, I should’ve warned you guys before I did that. If you were warned…” I shook my head, social interactions weren’t my strong suit, especially when emotions came into play. “It was the fastest way to get down,” I shrugged, trying to cover my unease with indifference. “I probably would’ve freaked out even if you had warned me and if we had stayed on that pipe for too much longer, it may well have broken under our weight and then where would we be?” I looked down at my hands as Mikey thought it over, my claws were still extended, so I tucked them into my pockets. “You gonna be okay?” He inquired apprehensively. I thought it over for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, I think so.” I assured him, a bit surprised at the truth of it. I grinned, “Or, at least, I will be once I dry off. I really was not planning on playing extreme urban water sports today.” Mikey slowly smiled back, still a bit unsure, but maybe this wouldn’t loom over him so much now that we’ve talked it out, sorta.

END OF PART 2

[bay217]

Chapter 1

Long, long ago, the four great lands fought the most brutal war this world has ever seen. Fueled by an imperialistic lust for power, Fire Lord Sozin attacked the other nations, the earth kingdom, the air nomads, and the water tribes. The war brought about many terrible tragedies, and many brave acts of heroism. Finally, when all hope seemed lost, the Hundred Year War was ended by Avatar Aang and Fire Lord Zuko, and a great era of peace was ushered in. People of all nations and all walks of life were united under the Republic of Nations and the leadership of Republic City. If this peace had lasted, then I would not be telling you this story. As it is, there is indeed a story to be told.** **

During the Hundred Year War, our world experienced a devastating extinction event. Countless plant and animal species were lost to the fires of conquest and conflict. What began as an initiative to resurrect the species of the old world granted us technology beyond what we had ever thought possible. Through the work of several talented geneticists and the grace of serendipity, the world was again filled with all the beautiful variety of life it had once sustained. Diseases were eradicated and no man went hungry. For the first time in history, the building blocks of life itself were in our hands. But that which had created such prosperity would soon show its potential for destruction. From the very creches that had given rise to Koalaotters and Pygmy pumas sprung the first of the Great Plagues. The plagues ravaged the world, destroying crops, causing the restored fauna to die of starvation, and leaving entire regions reduced to vast swirling deserts of dust and decay. Entire ecosystems came crashing down. Widespread famine and illness has killed countless. Were it not for a handful of sanctuaries, mankind as we know it may have been lost. The world is hurting. The world needs an Avatar…

[The Earth Kingdom City of Omashu]

“Last week it was four copper pieces!” Ong growled across the wooden booth. He grasped a sack of rice in his hand and glared at the man sitting behind the counter. Around them Kyu-Bak, Omashu’s enormous indoor marketplace, buzzed with activity.

“No four. Six today. Laws strong today.” the old man crossed his leathery, tanded arms over his chest stubbornly. He had the body of a beggar but the eyes of a businessman.

On any other day Ong would have tried to get the price down to at least 5 or else search out a better price at another vendor, but today he was already running late. He made a slightly disgruntled sound and forked over the money, taking the rice and winding his way back through the press of bodies.

He exited through one of the four massive doors to Kyu-Bak, his copper hair whipped by the powerful industrial fans groaning against the thick air of the city. Stepping out into the swelter was like walking into a wall of heat.

Out in the sloping, winding streets near the outer walls, high-speed transports built on the rails crisscrossing the city zipped overhead. The idea for the system was supposedly originated by the city’s king and a famous avatar in times long past.

Ong made his way through the communities adjacent to the great outer walls. Houses and less dignified shelters were built from mud-brick, sheet metal and wood against the wall itself, growing and overflowing as though the sector was a living thing itself. It was a place for the poor, adjoining the industrial district of Omashu. Walking through the streets Ong could almost smell the poverty. This was a scent, Ong thought, even sadder and more proximal than the stench of the emissions coming from the city’s industry. As if on cue, a fat-bellied exhaust pipe running from the heart of the city belched a cloud of smoke beside him.

“Ong!” his name echoed across a street clogged with trash and running children. He swiveled his head to see Nepa hurrying through an alleyway toward him. “Hey brudda, howzit eh?”

The man fell into step with Ong and they walked along the uneven path leading to Ong’s region of the vast slum. All the while Nepa whistled, his cheeks rosy and a smile on his face despite the grime besmearing his complexion and the poverty evident in his skinny limbs.

“Well then, what have you to say?” Ong asked impatiently. “Or did you simply wish to provide me a soundtrack for my walk home?” he teased.

Nepa chortled but shook his head, his face quickly falling into solemnity. “There are stirrings again. About clean water. Zone 3” he muttered. The slums on the outskirts of Omashu were informally divided into 5 zones, each representing a chunk of city perimeter that was often home to the lower class. “It has been so hot lately…” he added.     

Ong nodded. “Is there immediate danger?” he asked. “What did Ravinder say?”

Nepa shook his head. “I don’t think it will become very violent yet, but the health concerns are mounting.”

“I will bring it to the attention of the council. In the meantime, ask the other zones to divert a small fraction of their water to Zone 3. Four is in Three’s debt since they recently absorbed some of Four’s population growth.” said Ong. “Thank you Nepa.”

The jolly older man nodded and started along the path to his own house. Ong looked after him, then called out “Hey! Nepa, your family will come tonight?”

Nepa grinned, looking over his shoulder “Half of the population of the slums is coming, man” he muttered “of course I’m gunna be there. The poor rarely have cause to drink. When there’s something to be joyful for, how can we miss such a chance, eh?”

Ong gave an exasperated expression, ever serious, even with regard to his children’s birthday celebration.

“Come now, this is an occasion most joyous. 10 years! Considering that there’s two of them, it may as well have been 20” he said as he headed away toward his own avenue of the slums.

For families in the poverty-ridden Zones, a child’s 10th birthday was often the only time they celebrated on account of something as trivial as the anniversary of one’s birth. In such disease and hunger-ridden times as these, more than half of all children died before they reached the age of 10, whether from sickness, malnutrition, or as a casualty of war or crime. However, it was widely accepted in the Zones that once a child reached the age of 10, they were much more likely to survive into adulthood.

Ong completed his trek home undisturbed. His was a mud-brick abode set on a small hill of earth, a couple hundred feet away from the rest of the slums and in slightly better condition. This was the only thing that distinguished him as a councilman. Elsewise, the sole representative of the Zones to the city council lived unremarkably, just as his constituency.

The house was abuzz with activity. Various women of the community were hurrying about, baskets of dark brown breads in their hands or mismatched tablecloths piled in their arms to just below eye-level. Meanwhile children ran about, some helping to carry things and others just getting in the way underfoot. A few men from the slums who were close to Ong were busy smoking meats over a fire in the back, a rare treat.

In the middle of all of the commotion stood Leah, Ong’s wife and the lady of the house. She was confidently directing workflow despite the chaotic nature of such a ceremony.

Usually a child’s 10th birthday was a pretty ritualized occasion, a large family gathering. However, considering Ong’s position in the community, this celebration was an even bigger deal, with more than two hundred people expected and several times that number of wellwishers to stop by in the coming week. However, it was not just daddy’s career which drew such fuss over this particular celebration. Rather, this was the birthday of two very special children…twins.

In the city of Omashu, there was much superstition and honor surrounding twins. For reasons undetermined (although most definitely relating to the rampant pollution) the birth of twins was much more rare than it had been in times past. Couple this with high child mortality rate, and rarely did a set of twins live to their tenth birthday.

On his way through the bustle toward his wife, Ong felt a hand grip his arm. “Onnnng darling.” a raspy old voice called him. “Hello Aunt Mimsy” he said.

“Such diamonds, such jewels!” the short, sturdy woman crooned. “Born in the honor of Omashu’s namesake. I never thought I’d live to see twins grow this old ever again. This is a joyous day indeed!” she twirled off without waiting for a response.

Twins, and especially a boy and girl, were believed to represent reincarnations of Oma and Shu, after whom the city was named and who were so close in their lives that they were said to be reborn together, at the same instant so that their spirits would never again have to be apart. Because of this, Ong’s two children had always meant something important to the community.

Seeing Ong, Leah beckoned him with a smile. “There you are, my breadwinner.” she said. As he grew closer her smile dropped and she squinted at him. “You’re late” she scolded.

“And you let Aunt Mims get to the rice wine,” he countered.

Leah’s coy smile returned as she kissed her husband. “And you’re late. Your children are in the house, but be careful, your mother is in there too and she’s barricaded the door”

Ong nodded knowingly and brought the bag of rice he’d been sent out to acquire into the kitchen. The room was small and filled way past capacity with women fixing dishes, rolling dough, and boiling water. It was a delicious smelling sauna packed with people and Ong breathed a breath of relief once he’d made his way through.

Making his way through the cooler part of the house, he went down a hallway only to be met almost immediately by his mother, a small woman with fierce eyes whose smile was hardly diminished by her missing teeth. She was a formidable woman, as Ong had learned through growing up under her watchful eye.

“Now mother, I know what you’re going to say but they’re my children and I think I have a right to wish them a happy birthday before they’re on display for our neighbors!” he came out strong. You really had to catch her off guard, he’d noticed, otherwise she was stubborn as a mule-turtle (although he’d never quite understood that saying).

Ong’s mother patiently waited out his indignation with one eyebrow raised. “Relax,” she said gently “They’re ready.”

“Oh,” Ong smiled sheepishly and edged past her toward the twins’ bedroom.

“I don’t know who you think you were talking to with that attitude Ong, certainly not the woman who gave birth to you and raised you!” she called after him.

Inside their small room, Myr and Hiko stood before him, smiling up at their father. The twins were dressed in their finest clothing.

For Myr, these were a shimmery kimono-like robe that had been handed down through the family and silk-slippers. Hiko was dressed in a black hakama, and a navy blue top which bared the top of his chest. The most remarkable thing about the children though, was what his mother had done.

Myr’s arms were bare, but extremely intricate designs adorned her tan forearms and halfway up her biceps. Her eyes were daubed with a gentle reduction of a black-juiced berry to make her eyes appear more sly and wise. Her cheeks, just losing their baby fat, were delicately powdered.

Hiko’s face and all of his visible skin was adorned with thin white lines of heiza, an herbal mixture that smelled a bit musky. The designs, though markedly different from his sister’s, were equally as complex. They gave his skin the appearance of having been chiseled and angled, as though cut from the earth itself.

Ong smiled back down at his children. He was at once filled with happiness at their vitality and the promise in their eyes and melancholy that they had been born into such a troubled world.

“Daddy the kimono itches my belly” Myr said, expertly (although inadvertently) diffusing the moment.

Ong laughed at her and ruffled her hair, which elicited a tongue click from his mother in the doorway. “You look pretty though” he assured her.

Myr turned and examined herself in the small, smudged mirror that rested against the wall in the twins’ shared room. She moved from side to side and looked over her back too. “Well, that’s true.” she said, smiling a toothy grin. “I look like a princess”

Hiko flexed his essentially nonexistent muscles. “I look like a man!” he growled. “An earthbending fighter!” he exclaimed, leaping into an exaggerated fighting pose.

“Yeah right!” Myr said, rolling her eyes as Ong shot Hiko a scolding glance.

“You’re not an earthbender Hiko.” he said quickly. “Well, everyone will be here in a few hours so try not to smudge your heiza or dirty your clothes. You can be the official tasters for whatever they are making in that kitchen” he said, trying to give them an incentive to stay inside. It expected that at least most of the guests see them first when they made their appearance later that night.

“Oh, and happy birthday” he said, remembering on his way out. He knelt and gave them both hugs. “I love you”

When he stepped back outside the grounds had become doubly as busy, something Ong hadn’t thought possible. A few makeshift tents had been erected on the grounds  and lanterns hung from each of their supporting poles. The sun had begun its descent and everywhere people buzzed with the excitement of celebration. It was going quite the party.

Nepa was right, the people of the slums rarely had reason to come together and celebrate. This wasn’t just a birthday party, but a celebration that somewhere, in the midst of a broken world, there could still be hope.

[howsit-going-toend]

What Do YOU Want? Pt. 9

A Kwon Jiyong series ft. Kim Jiwon

Genre: Angst/Fluff

Word count: 4,200+

Summary: The most important person in the world to you can appear most often when you least expect it. But through everything, you can’t forget about you and your own happiness. Who are you happy with? Who is the best for you?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 ... Part 10

(A/N: Yikes! The word count is just going to get longer and longer honestly. We’re approaching some really good content so bear with me, guys! There’s a lot going on in this part, but as always: please enjoy!)

You’ve never been the type of person who liked surprises, especially when it came to your birthday. The one and only time anyone had ever attempted to throw you a surprise party resulted in you unintentionally punching one of your childhood friends in the mouth. Another time came in the middle of a haunted corn maze when you kicked a man wearing a clown mask, yielding a fake chainsaw in between his legs for attempting a jump-scare.

Having someone show up unexpectedly to your door wasn’t going to result in you decking them across the face, but it being your birthday definitely had you putting your guard up. A million possibilities danced through your mind as to who the hell it could be.

Your parents and relatives were across the globe and all your friends from Seoul were out of town. A salesperson? Late night FedEx delivery, perhaps?

Or, what if…

“I’m really sorry, someone just knocked at my door. This should hopefully be like two seconds, ok?” You said into the phone as panic began to overtake your senses while you slowly approached the door.

“Yeah that’s cool!” Bobby replied almost in a whisper, as if a chuckle was trying to escape his lips.

You hung up the phone and placed it in the pocket of your sweatpants as you got on tiptoes to look through the peephole. Whoever was out there had something in their hands that completely obscured your vision, making it nearly impossible to even identify that it was a person in front of your apartment.

With a deep breath and a sweaty palm, you reluctantly unlocked the door, swinging it open to reveal the figure before you. Your hands immediately flew to your mouth with an audible gasp as you saw Bobby reveal himself from behind a bouquet of flowers that was nearly half your size; an enormous grin painted across his face.

“Oh my god!! What are you doing here, you’re not supposed to be back for another week or two!” You yelled through your hands, eyes widened in shock.

He laughed at you while he readjusted the bouquet to lay comfortably in one of his arms. “Oh, well, I mean I can leave and come back next week if you’d rather wait…” He pretended to start to leave while you jumped out of your doorway to wrap your arms around his neck. “No, no, no, you know that’s not what I meant, jerk!” You both laughed through the insult while he picked you up and spun you around, carefully ensuring to preserve the flowers.

For just a second, your mind flashed back to all the local radio stations you’d listened to in the past couple days; all saying that BigBang had been continuing their world tour somewhere across Asia.

You sighed.

A wave of relief flowed through each of your muscles as you relaxed into his embrace. You knew he was one of the few people in the world that could, in that moment, be an exception to your disdain for surprises.

“In between locations, huh?” You teased, mocking his alibi used on the phone earlier.

As he set you back down on your feet, he captured one of your hands in his and extended the bouquet to you; contorting his face to try to appear shy while you giggled in response.

“Ahh, these are beautiful, you didn’t have to get them!” Though you’d never accepted store-bought gifts well either, flowers were the one exception. You remembered this as you leaned forward to sniff the gorgeous array of roses and daisies Bobby had just given you.

“It’s your birthday, Y/N! Why wouldn’t I?”

“Oh yeah, I keep forgetting about that. I actually totally forgot I even told you about it.” You laughed at your forgetfulness while you looked up from the flowers to see Bobby scratching his head and looking at the ground.

“Well hey, I love them. Thank you.” You brought a hand up to the side of his face and stood on your tiptoes to leave a small kiss on his cheek.

His big smile returned as he looked into your eyes, now that your faces were closer than they had been in nearly two months. He reached out to sweep some hair behind your ear before closing the space between your lips. You both smiled into the kiss, knowing just how long you’d been waiting to do so again. You’d found yourself craving his lips in the time that he was gone and having them finally connected to yours again felt like a balance had been restored.

As you ended the kiss with one last peck, you looked up to meet his gaze. “I missed you.” You whispered, while he beamed in response and lightly ran a thumb across your cheek. “I missed you too, Y/N.”

He pulled away and clapped his hands together, slightly startling you as he gently turned you back around towards the inside of your apartment. “All right! Go get ready.” He exclaimed as he walked you inside with his hands resting on your shoulders.

“For what, may I ask?” You laughed nervously, unsure if you’d already had your fair share of surprises for the day.

“I’m taking you out to dinner with the boys.”

“What! Really?!” You shouted a little louder than intended as you spun back around to look at him with a shocked smile.

“Yes, really.” He replied, grinning ear to ear at your giddiness. “We promised, remember? Now go, go. We’re already late. Even if it is your birthday, B.I. will never let us hear the end of it.”

You quickly set the flowers down and skipped off to your closet, knowing he was completely right. It looked as though you were destined for a Happy Birthday this year after all.

You enjoyed some of the best barbecue pork in the city as you shared a table with seven of your favorite people. You exchanged stories as your bellies became fuller and fuller, each of you clutching your stomachs and wiping tears away as you laughed your asses off. This was the first time you’d been around all of them in months and you couldn’t imagine spending the night of your birthday any differently.

After all the food was finished and those of you that could drink had polished off the last of a bottle of champagne, everyone’s proper posture had completely dissolved into a slouch. You’d melted into Bobby beside you, resting your head on his shoulder with a contented smile gracing your lips as he played with your hair.

You momentarily averted your gaze from the full table down to your phone while the boys continued conversing. Your parents had called you on the way to dinner, several friends and former colleagues had texted you in the past few hours, and yet you found yourself regularly checking your inbox, only to feel disappointed.

What did you expect?

You’d thought months ago that the only interaction you were certain you’d have with Jiyong would come on your birthday and his. You thought the least either of you could give to each other was that shred of acknowledgement of the other person’s existence, but evidently you thought wrong. Maybe it really was too much to ask that he remembered just this once. At least he was enjoying himself.

“Hey, are you having a good time?” Bobby’s voice came to your ear, bringing you out of the trance you’d gotten unintentionally sucked into while staring at your phone. You looked up at him and smiled as you put your phone, along with any stress it was causing, away. “Yeah! I am, I promise. I just keep getting distracted by the Birthday messages, you know?” He nodded understandingly and smirked. “I just want to be sure.”

You ended the night wrapped in his arms as the two of you lounged in one lazy heap on your couch. You’d parted ways with the other members after dinner, picked up an arsenal of desserts and snacks and returned to your apartment. Since you’d insisted on not telling the restaurant it was your birthday, Bobby had decided it was only fair that he sang Happy Birthday to you himself, horrendously off key, as many times as he wanted until midnight. Majority of his attempts resulted in you shoving food in his face after just the first couple of bars, which made you both erupt with laughter until he finally gave up.

You were grateful for his silliness which continued to successfully draw your attention away from your phone that rested on the coffee table with its continuous lack of notifications.

It wasn’t long before the inevitable food coma began to pull at both of your conscious minds. You fought a war with your eyelids until the rising belly of the body beneath you, followed by a rumbling snore indicated Bobby had lost the battle long ago. You removed your stare from the television screen to his face as you observed all of his calm features. You leaned forward enough to leave a light kiss on his lips while he subconsciously kissed you back, making you giggle in response.

It had been quite some time since someone did something for you that was as thoughtful as what he did today; you truly didn’t think that he had it in him.

As you silently reflected on everything to be thankful for in your life at that moment, smiling into Bobby’s chest as you began to close your eyes, the brightness of a phone screen on the coffee table briefly awakened your senses. Your eyes fluttered for a moment, adjusting enough only to realize the phone belonged to Bobby and not you. As you allowed yourself to surrender once again to the night’s end, a very small voice told you that Jiyong’s name had been displayed on that screen.

“Yah! Listen, you need to pull yourself together and get this damn choreography right, got it?” You were openly scolding yourself through the mirror of your dance studio in the middle of a Sunday afternoon about a month after your birthday; it was nothing out of the ordinary. You only had until the following day to put together all new lessons to teach while catering to each class’ skill level, so you were slightly stressed.

As you resumed play on the week’s master mix and proceeded to run through some moves, the bells at the front lobby immediately pulled you out of focus. You silently cursed yourself for not locking the door behind you as you quickly turned the corner to tell whoever it was to leave. As you opened your mouth to scold them, you immediately recognized the two men marching towards you.

“Oh, hey! What are you guys doing here?” You exclaimed with a confused smile while Bobby and Mino approached you with great purpose in their stride.

“Y/N! You have to come with us right now, it’s urgent!” Bobby said while grabbing your hand in his and led you to the front door.

“Wait, wait! What’s going on? I’m in the middle of something! ...At least let me get my bag and my keys god damnit!” You shouted with fake annoyance as the two ignored your questions and continued to walk you out of the building.

“Well, hurry! We only have a small window of opportunity here.” Mino advised as you obeyed without further questions and retrieved your bag before following them outside to a car. You quickly justified not spending the rest of the day working by assuming whatever it was that the two men were on about had to be pretty important.

“All right put this on.” Mino handed you a blindfold after you’d gotten in the car. You held a palm up to it and raised an eyebrow towards Bobby. “She doesn’t have to wear that, I thought we weren’t going to make her wear it.”

“It makes more sense for her to wear it!”

You crossed your arms in between the two arguing boys as the car sped down the highway, towards the heart of Seoul. “You guys are new to the whole kidnapping thing, aren’t you?” You teased.

“… All right put the blindfold on.” Bobby said, managing a straight face while you pouted in response and placed the cloth over your eyes.

After a few minutes of conversation, the car gliding over an all too familiar set of speed bumps brought you back to your surroundings. “What the hell. Guys, why are we at YG right now?”

“How does she know that?!” Mino exclaimed, waving a hand in front of the blindfold in amusement while you and Bobby both laughed.

“Guys, for real though. I can’t be here. This place is only for idols and people who actually still work in the building.” Your palms became damp as the thought of Yang seeing you in the halls began to haunt you.

“Relax, Y/N, that’s what we meant by the window of opportunity. He’s been out of town and just about everyone else is in a location we can easily avoid to get where we’re going. Plus, we’re at the back door and no fans should be around with cameras either.” Mino assured while you heard the sound of both car doors opening.

“And where is that exact…ah!” Bobby had reached in and pulled you out bridal style before you could even finish your inquiry. He carried you hastily through the parking lot and into the back entrance.

The familiar scent of the first floor smacked you in the face with nostalgia as you were carried blindly through it. You were certain you could have found your way to the elevators, still blindfolded, entirely on your own with how many times you’ve walked through these halls. 

As you were set down in the elevator and allowed to remove the blindfold, you rubbed your eyes to adjust to the amount of light that now greeted them. Your sight was quickly restored and you glanced at Bobby and Mino beside you in the confined space to find both of them sporting mischievous looks. You scowled at them until the elevator dinged; you recognized the floor as the one that held all the recording studios.

As the doors opened, you turned to see a big grin appear on Bobby’s face as he grabbed your hand and started to run with you out into the hallway. You brought your other hand to your mouth in the hopes to shield the giggles that couldn’t be controlled while you followed his lead; Mino jogging right behind you both.

The grin on your face completely dissolved and your heart followed suit, sinking to your stomach as he stopped in front of the biggest studio. You paused outside the big glass door, remembering all of the countless times you’d been here; every good and bad memory that went along with it flashed before your eyes.

There was no reason for you as a choreographer to even go near this floor; Yang reminded you of this on every occasion he caught you “distracting” Jiyong in this room. A smile brought itself back to your face as you recalled the man’s facial expression when he’d walk in and see you standing behind Jiyong, rubbing his shoulders while he worked. “Y/N being here makes me want to be a better artist. She’s not going anywhere.” He would say this to Yang in defense of your presence while you’d look at the man with a “yeah, so take that” smirk across your face. That was certainly one of the better memories.

“Y/N! Are you coming in or just going to stand there smiling at nothing!” Bobby whisper-yelled to your immobile state, bringing you back to the task at hang. You hopped past the door while Mino shut it shortly after and gestured to the desk in front of the monitors. Bobby stood behind the first chair and smiled. “Sit.”

You laughed in amusement and sat down as your mind ran back to all the times you’d been asked to sit in that same chair to listen to songs nobody else had heard before. It never failed to make you feel special and this time was no exception. You beamed, grinning from ear to ear as Bobby leaned over you to navigate the main computer’s desktop and pulled up a series of files.

“All right, so what you’re about to hear is something Mino and I have been working on for a while now.” Bobby explained, unable to maintain a serious expression as he observed your overjoyed one.

“Yeah, so please be nice to us!” Mino added from his position of look-out by the door while you all laughed lightly. You clapped your hands together and placed a fist on either side of the desk. “Let me hear it!”

Without further comment, he pressed play on the first file. You smiled even wider as Bobby’s voice began the song. The beat soon dropped into a syncopated rhythm, sounding like all of your favorite party songs combined into one perfect blend. You danced in your seat to the pumping volume of the music as Mino and Bobby’s verses flowed by; they sounded like superstars and it filled your heart with pride.

Both of them had huge smiles on their face while they lip synced along with the lyrics and watched your reactions. As the song came to an end, you spun around in the office chair to provide feedback before Bobby put his hands on your shoulders and turned you back to the monitor. “But wait! There’s more!” he declared.

“What! Oh my god, wait…are you guys forming a subunit? As in, actually putting out an album together?” All either of them did was smirk as the next song began to play. You were all the more proud and excited for them now as you leaned forward on the desk to continue to lend an ear.

“Shit! Guys, guys, pause it, someone’s in the hall and I think they’re heading over here. Y/N, hide.” Mino had run over from his spot by the door not even a minute later to alert the two of you; his face suddenly filled with worry.

In what felt like half a second, you looked to both of them and immediately slid down the chair to hide under the desk. Your heart raced as you felt the nervous sweat already start to form at your hairline. If the person coming was actually Yang, you would surely be banned from YG altogether. There was no telling how much trouble it would get Mino and Bobby in; these two were still young so they were bold enough to make such a risk all for the sake of someone hearing their music. You tensed and relaxed your fists repeatedly as your worries grew and grew.

“Oh fuck, it’s GD.” Mino whispered just loud enough for you to hear from your location.

Your breathing stopped altogether as you looked up from your place under the desk at Bobby, who was already looking at you with an expression you found impossible to read. He quickly sat in the chair and gently guided you to a more concealed spot with his legs. You placed your shaking palms on his knees and watched as he turned his head in the direction of the door. He leaned back in the chair slightly, so as to appear more casual, giving you a better look at his face. His eyes were intense as they fixed themselves on the glass door.

Your cheeks burned and your chest ached with the amount of anxiety flowing through you. This was his studio. Jiyong spent more time in this room than absolutely anyone. Hell, probably more than he probably spent with you throughout your entire relationship; if he was in that hallway then he was sure to enter at any second.

You never wanted to disappear into thin air more than you did the moment you heard that door open.

“Ah, I didn’t think anyone would be here today. My apologies, I hope I’m not interrupting the creative process.” Jiyong’s voice rang through the studio in sing-song fashion. It was the same voice you’d heard a million times over through this very set of speakers you now crouched beneath.

“No, no, not at all, hyung. We’ve been finished with our songs for some time now. We were just giving it all another listen.” Mino chimed in reply.

“I see. You two be careful with that; you don’t want to fix something that’s not broken and ruin it all. I know the feeling well.” Jiyong had a very specific voice that he used when talking about work, especially around his juniors. The tone was authoritative and strict, yet sincere. You hadn’t heard it in over a year and listening to him talk like that now was almost physically painful with the amount of memories it brought back.

Bobby nodded in agreement, still not saying a word while Jiyong continued. “Well how’s it all going? Everyone in the building has been saying great things. We’re all really excited for the two of you.” You could hear the smile in his voice.

“It’s going great!” Mino piped. “I’m pretty nervous though, since this is my official solo debut. Bobby’s used to this. He did solo collaborations before his group had even debuted after all.”

“Hey, hey, this is still technically my official solo debut too, come on now.” Bobby forced a smile to go along with his humble words.

“That’s true but you really have accomplished more than the average YG artist. It is very admirable.” Jiyong said in a matter-of-fact manner. “But Bobby already knows I’m envious of him.” Bobby nervously smiled and bowed his head in response as Jiyong continued.

“Mino, actually, can you do me a favor? Can you go slide this envelope under CEO Yang’s door upstairs? It’s really important and I’m already late for where I need to be.”

“Absolutely! I’ll be back in a minute, guys.” Mino declared as the room fell completely silent except for the sound of the glass door closing. You wished for nothing but to have been able to run right after him and completely remove yourself from this emotionally and physically uncomfortable situation.

You watched as Bobby bit down and tightened his jaw as his eyes followed his senior. He leaned forward onto the desk to further shield you as subtly as possible; Jiyong was walking closer.

You gulped as the beads of sweat started to fall down the sides of your face. You did the best you could to control your breathing to the point that your chest began to ache. There was no way you were ready to hear this man’s voice so close to you again.

“How is she?”

And there was no way in hell you were ready to hear that either.

You whipped your head up towards Bobby so suddenly that your hair brushed against the underside of the desk. After covering your mouth with one of your hands, silently thanking yourself for not ruining everything by actually audibly hitting your head, you resumed complete focus on their conversation.

“She’s good.” Bobby said plainly. “Hey, BigBang was in China around the same time we were, I think! How did you like it?”

“Did she have a good birthday?” Jiyong completely ignored the obvious attempt at deviating from the subject of you and persisted with his questions.

“Yeah, she did. Yours is coming up in a few days too, right, hyung?” Bobby laughed nervously as he tried to steer the conversation once again.

“You didn’t answer my phone call that night, so I assumed you were having a good time. Did she like the flowers?”

As you waited for Bobby’s reply, his hand slowly made its way to yours non-conspicuously; you didn’t realize the vice grip you held his knee in and immediately released it once you felt his thumb run across the back of your hand. Your cheeks felt like they were on fire.

“Yeah, she loved them.” Bobby’s voice sounded defeated.

Jiyong paused before replying as silence fell on the room once more. “I’m glad to hear. She loves getting flowers….thank you.”

“Please don’t thank me.” Bobby insisted in a low voice.

“No, I want to. Thank you for making her happy.” He paused once more before letting out a sigh. “Well, I must be going now. Good luck with the debut and please let me know if you need absolutely any advice or anything. I’ll see you around, I’m sure.”

Bobby stood up from behind the desk to bow, indicating that Jiyong was already close enough to the door and couldn’t see you. “Thank you, hyung. See you around.”

As the sound of the glass door shutting echoed in the room, you stayed in your position beneath the desk; you sat with your arms wrapped around your knees and your gaze set on the floor. You didn’t know whether you wanted to scream, break something, or just sit there and cry. Once again, nothing made sense.

Bobby stayed silent for what felt like ten minutes. It wasn’t until his feet appeared in your field of vision on the floor that you knew he was even still in the room. The two of you never spoke about Jiyong. Ever. He wasn’t even brought up in group settings. This was not how you could have expected to begin your first actual conversation about him.

“Y/N…please say something.” His low, husky voice pierced the silence. You didn’t budge from your spot; you didn’t even turn your head to look up at him. Anger, confusion, and sadness flowed through your veins, bringing you to drop your forehead to your knees as you gripped them tightly.

“What the hell was that about?” You muttered in an almost whisper. Bobby’s sigh let you know that it was just loud enough for him to hear. You felt his shadow cover you as he knelt down in the chair’s place below the desk.

“It’s a long story.”

[stagesofabreakup]

Stages of a Breakup: Week 32

1. Wake up at 3:00pm

2. Stay in the house all day

3. Feel incredibly depressed and almost a little dissasociative

4. Talk on the phone for an hour with your friend Shonda

5. Decide to leave the house and go for a walk out of inspiration during the call

6. Walk for a while then JOG

7. Shower

8. Talk to your friend Jade on the phone for like 2 hours

9. Remember who you are as a person

10. Watch a lot of episodes of Between Two Ferns

11. Wake up at 1:00pm

12. Another lost day of not leaving the house

13. Cry to your mom on the phone about stuff that you didn’t know you needed to cry about

14. Spend 4.5 hours on the phone with Apple Care trying to fix your phone and computer because they require constant upkeep

15. Bleed out of your vagina for a while

16. Give up

17. Make an appointment for Monday in person

18. Talk to your friend Gabe on the phone for 2+ hours

19. Feel great

20. Finish a log of mozzarella

21. Go to work

22. Write a satirical status about false rape accusations (thanks Harvey Weinstein!)

23. Watch the movie Bachelorette

24. Write review

25. Cancel plans which feels relieving and amazing

26. Insomnia

27. Work again

28. Leave an hour early to help co-host an open mic

29. Read a post from a girl whose hairdresser’s dog was murdered who still needed highlights but was trying to give her “space to grieve”

30. Hang out afterwards

31. Run into some people

32. Feel like you’re not completely alone

33. Have an hour plus conversation outside the venue with the guy you co-hosted the mic with (who moved from New Orleans also) about the scene and stand up/moving in general

34. Eat some Triscuits and cheese on the street

35. Call your friend Molly, see what she’s doing

36. Find out you’re so close to her and she’s about to go to a party!

37. Take the train to her house

38. Do some makeup and hair things

39. Go to party

40. Skip the line with someone who was on Conan

41. Buy a seven dollar well drink

42. Immediately regret not leaving your backpack that has your laptop in it at Molly’s apartment

43. Hit a few people with your protruding back, made of the most expensive thing you own

44. Feel a little socially out of it

45. See a few people you know

46. Have some awkward conversations

47. Get another seven dollar drink

48. FIND A SECRET CLUB WITHIN THE BAR

49. Follow the dulcet tones of early 2000’s hip hop to said ‘club’

50. Find your people

51. Stay in this room basically until it closes

52. Get free drinks

53. Meet a Norwegian comic you saw and thought was really funny

54. Wonder if he likes you

55. Dance to Ludacris anyway

56. More drinks

57. Meet some girls you love that might be sex workers

58. Dance to Fetty Wap

59. Dance with a comic whose Kanye podcast you cancelled going on because you got sick one time

60. Feel like you might make out???

61. Be constantly one Ludacris song away from that

62. That room closes

63. Back to main room

64. Feel more comfortable

65. Make friends with a gay man simply because you both have noserings

66. Hug everyone

67. Leave with Molly

68. Spend 7 dollars on a Philly Cheesesteak sub at a bodega near her apartment

69. Sleep at Molly’s in her boyfriend’s clothes because he doesn’t allow ‘street clothes’ on the bed

70. Sleep

71. Sleep until like 1:00pm the next day

72. Wake up

73. Watch Bachelorette (again!) with Molly

74. She orders food

75. You eat the rest of your sub

76. Your friend Ariel comes over so she and Molly can record an episode of their history podcast

77. You weigh in about sharecropping at one point

78. Take a shower

79. Get dressed in your old clothes from last night

80. At least you have your period still!!

81. Walk with Molly to a show

82. It is an hour away, you have a good talk and see some Jewish children

83. Get to the show

84. Get a drink ticket

85. You’re one of four audience members

86. Convince them not to cancel the show

87. Convince some other people from the bar to come watch the show

88. Everyone gets a grilled cheese

89. A woman buys you a drink because of “art”

90. Watch the show

91. Leave

92. Run to catch a bus with Molly because she’s late for a different show

93. Venmo her 2 dollars for an uber instead

94. Get to THAT show

95. See a friend

96. Talk about haircuts

97. Watch people’s sets

98. Generally feel ok

99. Walk to the train afterwards

100. Go home

101. Try to sleep

102. Bleed out of your vagina a little bit

103. Go to a comedy club with your friend Hillary who is in town on business because she has a real job that is being a lawyer

104. She can EXPENSE stuff, so she gets your drinks

105. You know the door guy at the club which is a fun and unexpected surprise

106. You get worse seats than if you didn’t know him somehow

107. Get 3 drinks, one of which comes in a 20oz “souvenir cup” called the Tracey Morgan which is basically a huge fucking Long Island Iced-Tea/too much booze

108. Say hey to the host after the show because you know him too (you’re so popular!!! Why are you depressed all the time??)

109. Hang out with him and the headliner and two other comedy people

110. Feel weird because Hillary fangirls a little and you don’t know how to tell her that’s not the look

111. Go to a nearby bar and get MORE free drinks

112. But then actually venom 15 dollars for them because you feel bad

113. Take the train to a comedy club that a woman you’re with owns

114. Drink for free there

115. This seems to be the point of too much free booze for you, because you steal leftover sushi that seems to have just been sitting out and throw up in the bathroom

116. Hillary takes you in her Uber home and has it make 2 stops to drop you off as well

117. You do NOT go to sleep, you stay up watching the rest of White Chicks and Arrested development until 9:22am

118. Finally wake up

119. Realize you left the sushi in your backpack, immediately put it in the refrigerator like that’s going to help

120. Get ready for your Apple appointment

121. Go to the Apple store in Grand Central which is huge and beautiful

122. Initially feel frustrated because your apple helper person is just telling you you take too many pictures which is completely not the full scope of the problem

123. But generally feel that he’s getting it and helping

124. He makes a joke about your password being 6969

125. Gives you a free charger

126. A partial nude comes up on your phone, you both get past it

127. He fixes everything, you do a restore to factory settings on your phone

128. You leave lamenting not asking him out

129. Call both your friends named Molly

130. One answers

131. She tells you to write your number on a piece of paper and give it to him

132. You GO BACK TO THE STORE

133. Wait around like a weird stalker

134. Go up to him

135. Ask him VERY shyly and weirdly if you can give him your number

136. He takes your phone and puts his number in/texts himself from it

137. You leave feeling ELATED

138. Call your dad immediately to let him know

139. Buy hemorrhoid ointment because that’s also something that’s happening to your body during this time

140. Go home

141. Eat the sushi

142. Wonder if you’ll get food poisoning again

143. Hope that you don’t

144. Shower

145. Apply ointment

146. Watch Netflix

147. Find a lot of pictures and videos that became accessible once you deleted something/connected to the cloud that are you being happy in moments you forgot with your ex-boyfriend

148. Like him combing lice eggs out of your hair and the two of you dancing on Mardi Gras morning

149. Go to sleep at a semi-reasonable hour

150. WAKE UP AT A NORMAL TIME

151. Masturbate thinking about this apple employee who has not texted yet but it’s not really about that!!!!

152. But you do hope he will text

153. Talk to your cousin in the hallway

154. He asks if you will be on speakerphone when he talks to your dad at 1:30pm

155. You agree in the moment then immediately feel gross and bad inside and resent him for constantly putting you in these situations that pit you against your family members and you want to text your dad to give him a heads up but what if he tells your cousin and he gets mad at you and you can’t wait to move to a different place November 1st and not have to deal with this anymore

156. Get a message from a weird dude asking if you hate him

157. Reply ‘Nope’

158. Get 5 more messages from him that are emotionally laborious to read

159. Respond again that you don’t hate him, it’s all fine

160. Eat 2.5 chicken salad and avocado sliders

161. Feel weird in your belly anticipating this phone call

162. Wish you could leave and not be a part of this

[effywild]

If you’re anything like me, you’ve been a bit (a lot?) overwhelmed with a steady stream of terrifying/outrage-inducing no good terrible bad news lately. In the midst of *waves hands at all the things* I’ve been doing this dance, lately, between being ‘in here’ and ‘out there’. Some of my life’s hours are spent in outrage. Some are spent in my blanket fort with my lovely dog. Some are spent reading and retweeting. Some are spent listening to The Witching Hour by Anne Rice on Audible. Some are spent happily creating. Some are spent creating in a fit of frustrated weeping.

I dance. In here. Out there. Peace. Struggle. Outrage. Fierce love.

Cha-cha-cha.

For once in my life, ‘in here’ is pretty good. Lonely, but in a deliciously spacious, anticipatory way that I’ve never before experienced – like, this loneliness is a portal through which good things may emerge. Quiet. Peaceful. Full of my own ‘head down, do your own work’ type stuff. “Out there” is – well. You know.

The dance is good for me. It means I’m asking myself what I need on a regular basis. I find myself slamming the lap top shut and indulging in something soul-nourishing more and more often as a counter measure. I ask myself “what can I *actually* do”, and I do that to the best of my ability, and then I go do something else.

Christopher Penczak posted this on his Facebook Timeline today:

Remember despite a world of madness, life continues… People are mourning loved ones lost, getting diagnosed with serious illnesses, facing disasters, and filing for divorce. People are also falling in love, getting married, creating art, raising children, making new friends, playing music, having sex, advocating for their rights, and making magick. Remember to live.

I took a deep breath when I read that. It’s not like I need permission to do these things. I don’t. I’m a grown ass woman. But I do, occasionally, need *reminders* that I can do these things.

I like to remember to live ‘out loud’ in spaces like this, because I find myself emboldened by sharing. When I share, I feel safely gathered in to a tribe of witnesses. It also keeps me accountable if I call a thing I’m doing ‘a thing’ and I endeavour to do it habitually.This is how pretty much every community project I’ve ever created began.It all starts like this:

OH HEY! I want to do a thing, but I’ll probably drop it after five minutes because SQUIRREL, so I’m going to make it a thing, okay? If it’s a THING and I know you’re doing it with me, I’ll do it for longer than five minutes. Maybe not MUCH longer, but at least a little longer! So TADA! This is now a THING.

As a way of balancing my reaction to my news feed, I want to do a thing. A “Friday Five” type of thing. Five things that are rocking my life, every Friday. Some of the things will be me things. Some will be things I find out there in the world. All of them will be soul nourishing. They will be heart-centered, desire-led, pleasure-seeking, spirit-lifting.

Good things. Moving things. Things that restore my faith in humanity, or my faith in myself. Not because I’m one of the ‘positive police’ – I’m not, and anyone that knows me knows that I am a huge fan of being with all the things, including the deep dark scary stuff. So, no. This is not about spiritual bypass or whitewashing all of *waves at everything happening around her*. Rather, attending, at least for a few moments a week,to what’s *right*.

This feels somehow magical right now. It feels like I already attend to what’s not okay, like, all the time. I notice it, I call it out, I do what I can to counter it by creating safe spaces where people can share without fear of reprisal for feeling their feelings. But lately it feels a little bit like I’m in danger. Like I’ve swung all the way over to the omgdoomy side of things in my desperation to stay on top of it all, and that’s no way to live, right? Because in the midst of everything that’s going on, there are these lives we’re living.

FYI, unless otherwise explicitly noted, my shares are fangirlish squee, and not affiliate linkage.

So. Friday Five. Here we go.

Thing One As someone who spent most of her life struggling with a serious self-care deficit, the preparation of beautiful food *for myself* even when there’s no one else to feed has been a hugely nourishing undertaking. When my marriage ended, I knew how to cook for a houseful of people, not ONE person, and so at first, I shopped like I used to, and cooked like I used to, and then threw out 3/4 of what I’d bought/cooked. In time, I lapsed into a habit of ordering in, which was okay, because I wasn’t wasting food anymore, and I wasn’t experiencing that horrible sadness I experienced when I realized I’d cooked enough for an army of mouths and bellies for no reason other than I had no idea how to cook for one.

Shortly after I moved to my new apartment, I signed up for a service* that delivers raw ingredients (everything you need except salt, pepper, olive oil, and occasionally a couple of eggs) and recipes for multiple meals a week. Serving sizes are healthy. Everything is, wherever possible, locally sourced and of the highest possible quality. Everything is incredibly fresh. I opted in for four entrees per week, and I usually select at least two vegetarian options (to which I often add lean protein so I can make the recipe stretch a bit). This means that pretty much every day, I’m eating something beautiful and healthful, since each recipe makes 2 – 3 servings, and more if I add my own lean protein to the veggie recipes.

At least four times a week, you will find me in my kitchen, apron on, listening to an audio book or music (see Thing Two), doing my mise en place, shaking my booty, singing out loud. I sip Perrier Lime or Chardonnay. I cook, and then plate whatever I’ve cooked, photograph it, and sit down to eat. Mindfully. Slowly. Steak, sliced against the grain served with black garlic mashed potatoes and sauteed snow peas. Moussaka. Naan panini with bocconcini, roasted red pepper, and HOMEMADE PESTO. Caribbean sweet potato hash with honey glazed pork loin.

If I have a guest, they sit on a comfy bar chair I have in my kitchen so they can sip wine and talk to me while I cook. I plate for two, photograph the prettiest plate, and then we sit down to eat.

Every plate I create is a love letter to my body. Every meal I make is a Valentine.

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Chana Masala with Naan

Potato and Leek Galette

Panini with bocconcini and roasted vegetables with a basil & baby arugula pesto.

*Because I know you’ll ask, here’s where I get my food from. 

Thing Two

Spotify. I love it. It has become a near daily companion. I love to create playlists, but my very favourite feature is “Discover Weekly” which is a new playlist created for me by Spotify every single Monday. You can find my profile here.

Thing Three

 Couch art. Mmmmm. Especially now that I have a wee box of Jane D’s MM stuff, thanks to two shopping trips to Michael’s with coupons.

This wee girl (she’s about 7 x 10) was created with the INKredible pen, both of the watercolor palettes, the Mermaid Markers, and Magic Wands. I’ve also got some white acrylics paint in there (Golden Fluid). I have made a deal with myself that if I want to binge on something on Netflix, I have to have a journal spread on the go – not because I’m a tyrant, but because it is much more soul nourishing for me to multitask in this way.

Thing Four This post by Tanya Geisler that helped me feel a little less wobbly.

Thing Five

This new project by my lovely muppet, Sarah Trumpp, that is making my heart swell.

I hope you have a weekend that is full of your life. See you next week!

xo Effy Journal52 | MiniMoleyDaily | Classes | Blog | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter

            Friday Five If you're anything like me, you've been a bit (a lot?) overwhelmed with a steady stream of terrifying/outrage-inducing no good terrible bad news lately.