#but here is a short list

[lords-of-mayhem]

hey all im saying is that if you write a thesis about how loc made you unwell i would read the hell out of it

like ik how it personally is making me worse, i need to know what its doing to others desperately

Okay, so. I'm gonna just throw all my thoughts that I currently have here. No promises on how coherent I'll be.

A lot of it is just based off of how violence is portrayed in the movie.

The parallels and foreshadowing in this movie fucks me up so much.

The scene of Euronymous simply saying "Scorpions?" to Varg and walking away from him paralleled by him telling Varg later, "I attracted people by saying you can't have this, you're not worthy."

Euronymous saying "nothing could stop me" cut immediately by Varg staring in the mirror???

The way Euronymous gives a speech that Varg overhears in the restaurant that Varg later parallels in the bar, trying to get the same adoration and it just doesn't happen?? Ough

Euronymous: We're not just a fucking metal band. I'm sick of all those speed and death metal bands, all that Swedish shit. All they do is celebrate life and party, they should just call it life metal. We play black metal, true Norwegian black metal. Varg: Exactly, posers claiming to be Satanists when all they wanna do is drink beer and have a good time. I hate that, all those death metal kids with their stupid Morbid Angel t-shirts. Making a trend out of something that was meant to instill fear.

Also I know I've said this before, but SOMEBODY in production has a blood kink. I refuse to believe otherwise.

There are at least 15 separate shots of men with blood splattered across their faces in this movie. I didn't even carefully examine every scene, I just kind of skimmed through the parts I knew of right off. (The show scene, Faust's murder, etc.)

And the way blood/violence is presented is so horny for no reason?? Like Occultus having his mouth wide open while Pelle's blood is actively pouring onto his face? This????

Who asked for this? ^^^^

Another thing is the parallels between Pelle and Ann-Marit. I KNOW I've gone on and on, but it fucks me up. There was no reason she needed to look so similar, down to their outfits being similar.

The multiple shots of Varg ass naked and fucking?? (This caught me so by surprise the first time I saw this movie, like why did they need to do that lol)

Euronymous pinning Manheim down while he encourages Necro to cut him? Lives in my head rent free.

The pure sexual tension in the Varg/Euro church burning scene. Like they had a cute little date and then the most homoerotic stare-downs ever. The way they smile at each other and the little hug :(

Then this gay shit

On the note of gay shit, there's not a single reason why Faust needed to touch Occultus as much as he did, yet here we are.

On the topic of Faust, there was also not a single reason why he needed to double take watching Euronymous piss. (keep your eyes to yourself girlie <3)

Emory Cohen also being so phenomenal at expressions really fucked me up in this movie, particularly him breaking up with Euro and him killing him later. He's so talented and it makes me so insane

Emory Cohen in general is just such a fantastic pick for this role, he's hands down my favorite casting. He's similar enough (especially irl Varg's arrogance that he captures) while also making the character his own is such a good mix. Plus, knowing that having a Jewish actor playing him pissed irl Varg off is a bonus.

Side note, but Pelle's dad leaving that voicemail while he was killing himself? It gets to me, man. It gets to me. (And while we're on the topic of parents, Faust's mom yelling in the background while he's getting arrested? Oh lord)

The Varg/Euro tension while they played with Atilla??? Hello???

Blackthorn decorating Varg's room for when the interviewers come by is also something I think about a lot. It doesn't fuck me up in the same way the others do, but I love that little scene. And him offering tea at possibly the worst time

They were sharing the same brain cell in this scene fr

The ending will always fuck me up the most. The shots of them all having fun intercut with Varg/Blackthorn/Faust getting arrested, Euronymous' memorial, etc. If you want to be really emotionally unwell, I highly suggest listening to this while watching it.

Everyone's reactions were sooooo good too

If you want something depressing to think about too, you can think about the fact Necrobutcher was probably just finally moving on from Pelle's death, only for Euronymous to die as well.

[chiropteracupola]

iskierka iskierkaaaaaa my honeycake my thousand-times darling i love you i love you i love you i love youuuu

[nutterbuttermother]

Megumi: what are you doing today

Gojo: YN

Yuuji: nah he means like what are you gonna do today

Gojo: YN

Megumi: goddammit you’re so fucking-

Gojo: YN

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I haven't read these books at all, but your art is so fun and cute that I like seeing your comics a lot regardless. Fantastic Silly Little Guy energy.

Thank you for enjoying my silly little guys and my comics B*)

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

character dynamic ask game

qs focusing around how two characters interact with & see each other. any kind of matchup (partners, friends, mortal enemies, etc.) is fair game!

rules: send two characters and a question (or more!)

what were A's first impressions of B? were they mostly correct or have they changed?

if asked to describe B to a stranger, what would A say? are they mostly truthful, or is there anything they omit?

what's something A thinks in their head about B that they would NEVER tell them out loud? alternately, what's something they want to say to them but haven't/can't, and why not?

how does A refer to B (first name/last name/pet name/title/etc) in their head, to them directly, and to others? are they different? why?

A has to get B a [birthday/christmas/whatever] gift. right now. what would they get? how long would they spend thinking about it?

what does A think B thinks of them? or, if asked to describe their relationship, how would they do it? are they right?

are there any habits, mannerisms, practices etc. A does because of B? anything they do because they saw B doing it, or got advice from them about it, or something rubbed off on them? alternately, are there any little things B does that annoy them?

is there anything they really disagree on? what are they most likely to argue about?

what do outsiders think their relationship is? do they consciously or unconsciously act different around others?

how well does A think they know B? are they correct?

what's something A knows about B that most people don't? alternately, what's something most people believe about B that A doesn't?

if B asked A for help, how likely would they be to give it?

if A needed help, how likely would they be to ask B for it?

for two characters that met very recently, how would their dynamic be different (if at all) if they had known each other for much longer? for characters that are childhood/longtime acquaintances, how would it be different if they met for the first time today?

what's A's absolute favorite (or least favorite) thing about B?

free space: what's your favorite thing about their dynamic, as a fan or as a writer?

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

Baizhu design :V ? For funsies totally not going to draw him or anything

had way too much fun with this one hahah

[ajwalkerartblog]

i'm very obsessed with skip and loafer atm

[kimtaegis]

@ye-xiu's favourite taemin looks ↳ happy birthday, al! ✨

[arduousflame]

Perrepatae’s Vintage

Please also read a short Part 2.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Viago bit off the cork of the vial with practiced movements. The acrid smell hit hard as he poured the liquid over the gash on Rook’s arm, the wound bubbling instantly with a whitish foam as it reacted to the poison’s residue. Illario. Will. Pay. Rook flinched, her breaths shallow and erratic, her body twisting where she lay in Teia’s lap.

Pain. NO AIR. Help. Rook!

Lucanis could only watch, helpless, as Viago yanked open a second vial. "Dammit, Gwynn, drink!" he cursed, tipping it to his Crow’s lips. Rook choked, spilling the precious antidote between coughs, fighting those who were trying to save her. Teia tried to steady her, holding her head as Viago tried to pour the antidote down her throat.

-------

It had been a dirty fight. Illario’s treacherous coup to seize the First Talon’s seat erupted into chaos—a fierce clash of Crows against Venatori. It wasn’t unexpected. They had come prepared, armored and ready, after Viago and Teia’s missive. Yet, Lucanis had held onto a shred of hope—that the past year of betrayal hadn’t been Illario’s doing. A shred that was torn to oblivion once they had found Caterina alive and as well as can be as a hostage in her own home.

Rook had been quick on her feet, as always. Her magic humming beside Lucanis as she darted in and out of the fray. She kept the Venatori occupied, leaving him to cut them down one by one. But somehow, Illario had slipped through the chaos, exploiting her unguarded left side while Lucanis was locked in battle with a Venatori magister. She was no trained fighter. A Crow in name only, some would whisper. Yet she had proven she could hold her own in the past few months, with Lucanis at her back.

It had been no more than a shallow nick. But with Illario’s blade poisoned, it didn’t need to be more. Viago’s concoctions were nothing short of deadly—undetectable until the damage took hold. Even for one who spend considerable time in House de Riva where paranoia and poison reigned. No healer’s magic could counteract it without antidote, once it spread through the blood, attacking the heart and lungs.

Viago had named this particular poison Perrepatae’s Vintage, its lethal effects compounding the longer it lingered in the victim’s system. Years ago, he had called it his masterpiece—a special commission from the First Talon herself for her mage-killer grandson. Lucanis knew its power too well. Even he hesitated to use it. Death by this poison was no simple mercy but a brutal struggle to breathe and live. A death even Venatori did not all deserve. Something even Viago would reluctantly admit.

Lucanis had always ensured his own vials were accounted for, keeping them close on his person. None had gone missing. Which meant Illario must have gotten his dose from Viago’s backup stash. Whether through thief or traitor, Viago would have to uncover that answer later. The Fifth Talon would not show mercy on the Crow who had betrayed House and Talon.

Rook hadn’t realized she was poisoned. She wouldn’t have connected the subtle tremble in her hands or her magic depleting faster than normal. Fatigue from battle, she’d have told herself. The shortness of breath and heart pounding in her chest? Adrenaline, nothing more.

She wasn’t a fighter by nature. Drawn into the Crows to settle a debt at an age most already went out on their first contracts. Her skills lay in subterfuge, intrigue and forgery, not with blade or staff. But the months spent in skirmishes against the Evanuris had hardened her into a viable spellblade.

The battle ended with Illario on his knees, defeated. As he was dragged away, Lucanis was declared First Talon. There should have been relief, even triumph, as the inner circle retreated deeper into the villa to celebrate.

But then Rook collapsed, her legs giving out as she gasped for air her lungs could no longer hold.

Teia reached her first, her frantic hands trying to steady her. Viago arrived moments later, biting back a sharp reprimand for her carelessness—until his sharp eyes caught the oil-like sheen glistening on the gash in her arm. That unmistakable sign.

Lucanis met his gaze, their silent understanding instant and grim.

Mierda, Rook.

-------

Spite bristled at the edges of Lucanis’ mind, seething. He fought to stay in control, to suppress the urge to turn and crush Illario’s throat. A hesitant touch on his arm steadied him. Bellara stood beside him, worry in her eyes. "Is she going to be okay?"

Viago’s reply was clipped. "Not yet."

Teia’s hands trembled as she stroked Rook’s hair, whispering soft reassurances in Antivan. Bellara’s confusion mirrored Spites’ rising frustration. "Why isn’t the antidote working? Were we too late?" Rook. In PAIN. Stop. Pain. HELP ROOK!

Lucanis pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing deeply, forcing calm into his voice. "Because sometimes the cure is worse than the poison."

Bellara tensed, her grip on his arm tightening. He didn’t know if she sought to steady him or herself.

Rook's writhing gradually slowed, her coughing and gasping subsiding. At last, she seemed to relax. Bellara let out a sigh of relief beside Lucanis, but he remained tense, unwilling to let his guard down just yet. “Oh thank..” Bellara breathed. Just then Rook’s breathing stilled altogether.

With this, the waiting game started.

Teia ran her fingers through Rook’s hair over and over. "Come on, come on now, Gwynn." The worry in Viago’s voice cut through the silence, his quiet plea making Lucanis’ heart falter his chest. “Not like this, you idiot. Not now. Breathe., damn you..”

Seconds dragged by, each one marked by the frantic rhythm of his own heartbeat, while hers remained unyielding, unmoving. It was taking too long.

"Viago..." Lucanis started, stepping forward and shrugging off Bellara’s hold on his arm. But the Fifth Talon was already moving. After a brief nod, Viago sprang into action. With a firm but gentle motion, he eased Rook out of Teia’s lap, laying her fully flat on the ground beside him.

Viago moved closer, placing one palm firmly on her chest, the other interlocking on top. His lips moved in a muttered count as he began the compressions, his movements precise and unwavering. Teia scrambled back to make room. Bellara now reached to find her and clung to the Crow with tears in her eyes.

Lucanis knelt down, taking the spot across from Viago. He forced himself to focus, to suppress the rising dread threatening to overtake him. All the while Spite remained silent. A silence that only deepened his unease. He tilted Rook’s head back with practiced care.

As Viago paused, Lucanis leaned in, sealing his lips over Rook’s to breathe life back into her. Please, come back. A first breath, her chest rose faintly. A second, but the stillness persisted.

“Damn it.” Viago resumed the compressions, his jaw clenched tight, the force of his efforts enough to bruise her ribs. This made both men flinch, but Viago did not hold back. A third breath. A fourth. Still, nothing. Panic flickered in Viago’s eyes, mirrored in Lucanis’ own.

They were losing her.

Viago paused again, his shoulders heaving with exertion. Lucanis didn’t hesitate, bending down once more to breathe for her. Just as despair began to claw at him, a faint shiver rippled through Rook’s body.

Then, a cough. A desperate, gasping breath.

“Maker.” Relief crashed over them like a wave. Viago sagged back, as he sat beside Teia, who dropped down with him. Lucanis barely registered the tears in her eyes as he pulled Rook close, murmuring softly.

"It’s okay, Rook. You’re okay now. I’ve got you."

[yardsards]

i needed to express a sentiment in the creative stylings of @dunmeshiminimumwage

[a2zillustration]

The desire to draw these two again but without the motivation to make something more than one of these little charts (oops)

Thank you Valc0 for making the sheet!

[seiwas]

SEL MY SEL …….. crawling over here for the ask game …………… you already know . who i’m going to ask for phdkdjdkdb IN MY DEFENSE I WILL NEVER GET OVER YOUR VERSION OF HIM !!!!!!!

….. sugu ….. with ’sun’ ……. maybe 👉👈

(🍵 <- a little matcha for your troubles … good luck with the writing exercises my loveee <33 i’m cheering you on!!!)

ARI 🥹🥹🥹🥹 hehe ofc i shall write sugu for u! writing him is always so fun 🥹 thank you for the prompt, and for the matcha!! i will be sipping it as i write this 🥹 it is not a trouble at alllll!! esp if it's for youuuuu 🫶

contains: beautiful, gorgeous, sexy neighbor suguru, mood can be a bit unsettling... honestly a little stockholm syndrome-y (does this count as dark? idk 😭), skewed concept of reality and time

suguru + sun

you move into a new neighborhood on your 24th birthday.

it's a quaint house, fully furnished with wooden panels lining its contemporary build. you consider yourself lucky for finding a place this well-kept at the price point you offered. you're honestly surprised that suguru, your now landlord, accepted your application.

the area sits a few kilometers on the outskirts of the city, but it feels neither too quiet nor too busy; a perfect balance with an impressive view of the rising sun this early in the morning. that, and the people seem friendly, greeting you as they pass by. they even offer to help you haul things out of your car and into the house.

to the right of your house is one that holds the same design elements at yours, although a bit darker in its tones. it's sleek and modern, befitting of a bachelor.

"you must be the new tenant," a voice speaks from behind you, syrupy and smooth. you didn't even hear his footsteps.

when you turn around, you're met with a tall man who greets you with his arms held behind his back as he tilts his head low. there's a calmness that radiates off him, a sort of gentleness that signals he’s someone you can trust.

you nod, introducing yourself with your hand outstretched towards him.

"suguru," he replies as his fingers grab yours delicately. your eyes widen in surprise, recognizing the name, and he merely chuckles in return, a soft laugh that brings out kindness in his eyes.

"i should greet you properly," he lets go of your hand, placing it back behind him. "hello, new neighbor."

.

over shared breakfasts by your porch and impromptu dinners over at his, you grow a liking to suguru. he's polite and thoughtful, often knocking at your door in the mornings to offer you a cup of tea to watch the sunrise.

"you'll only find sunrises like this here," he leans back on the wooden chair you set out as outdoor furniture. his head tilts towards you slightly, impossibly close as you notice the corner of his lips curl up into a small grin.

hues of pinks, purples, and orange blend to illuminate his face perfectly. the sun is beautiful in front you, peeking between clouds as it inches away from the horizon, but something about him is infinitely more magnetic. your stare is immediately drawn to his lips, smooth and supple, before it meets his gaze.

you don't know what's worse―wanting to lean in or be pulled by the look in his eyes.

he fixes things that break in your home, always somehow knowing just when to show up. at first, it was your windows, the one by the attic, too high and dangerous for you to climb; then, it was your kitchen sink, its pipes regurgitating the water going down the drain. he's begun to bring you your groceries too, often asking for a list of what you need when he makes trips out of town.

your days blur easily when you're with suguru, and time passes almost fleetingly as you find your hours filled with soft laughs and touches so delicate you sometimes wonder whether they're real.

it should be noted, you think, how much time has passed since you first met him―an anniversary of some sort.

.

you learn that he owns both houses―his and the one you're currently renting. it once belonged to a friend who had to move for bigger, greater responsibilities elsewhere, he'd said.

"why did you decide on renting?" you ask him one night, over wine and candlelight.

your fingers fiddle with his as he sits you on his lap, this thing between you growing more intimate lately. he rubs his thumb along your thigh, resting his chin by your shoulder.

"you could have sold it or something."

he presses his lips gently on your collarbone.

"i could've," his fingers trail up to your waist, crossing your chest before landing on your chin, cupping it lightly to face him. your heart is hammering in your chest, senses on fire as his nose kisses yours. you think you can count every mole that dots his face beautiful. then, he inches closer, lips grazing yours as he whispers, "but i was waiting for you."

.

you mark each day at sunrise.

your digital clocks and calendars stopped working after some time, but you don't mind. suguru always tells you what date it is when you ask.

this morning, you wake up in his bed, and the sun is still as breathtaking as you remember it, the same pink, purple, and orange hues streaming through his window. when you look closely, the clouds―

"good morning," he brings you tea in bed, his hair topped off with a bun, a half-up-half-down.

your stomach fills itself with something warm and fuzzy as you smile at him, "morning."

"slept well?" his hand reaches for your waist under the duvet, and you giggle, ticklish.

"very," you crane your neck to land a soft kiss on his lips. "what date is it today?"

"october 28," he supplies.

your eyebrows shoot up as you realize, "i have to bring my car to the mechanic."

it's been 6 months now since your last check, right before you moved, and though you barely use your car anyway, it's best to be safe.

you quickly move to get up but suguru's hand keeps you in place, firmly pressed on your waist.

"i'll do it," he says with a smile on his face, "you rest here."

.

you barely see your other neighbors except for the girl who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day and the twins down the street.

when you ask suguru about it, he dismisses the question quickly, saying, "must have moved," as he urges you to take another sip of your tea.

you dream of them that night, on bare streets; it wakes you in a cold sweat, the image of your neighborhood reduced to just your house and suguru's.

.

this is the 200th sunrise since you started counting, which means this is the 200th day since you and suguru officially got together. kind of.

your gift for him is a painting of the sunrise, because it reminds you of him; and because it's become your favorite thing to look forward to, too.

the pinks and purples blend together beautifully as it contrasts with the orange hues, and the sun continues to peak above the horizon as it settles between clouds.

suguru kisses you when you give it to him, the taste of tea right on his tongue.

he frames it on his bedside, and when you wake in his room the next morning, it greets you along with the back of his head, fast asleep.

your eyes flit to the view outside his window, the same pinks, purples, and orange hues. you tilt your head curiously, brows furrowing. the sun stays at the same spot above the horizon, and when you look at the painting again, the clouds hold the same position and shape.

a chill washes over you, your hearbeat pounding.

.

"what date is it today?" you ask suguru as you wash the potatoes in the sink.

another bag of groceries from suguru. now that you think about it, you don't think you've ever gone to the grocery store since moving.

"is it important?" he responds, slightly snappy. you've begun to notice that he hates it when you ask lately.

you eye him from the side.

"i was thinking of preparing a menu of what we'll eat during the holidays, if it's near."

the furrow on his brows smooths out as you give your answer, and so he says, "december 5."

and you know something is wrong, because that can't be it. it doesn't make sense with the sunrises you've counted.

.

you dream again, more and more as the days go by―dirt roads and your house and suguru's, run-down and empty. more things start breaking in your apartment, and suguru always knows when they need to be fixed.

there's a deep, twisting feeling in your stomach that intensifies, festering under your skin; it worsens in the mornings, when you sit with suguru at your porch and you think you see a crack in the sunrise.

.

sunrise valley the place where the sun never sets! ─── beautiful, bright, and destined for people who live just like you! find your new home here.

[DISCONTINUED] — FOR DEMOLITION ON DECEMBER 7. under investigation for suspicious spiritual activity and missing persons.

[d8tl55c]

oh boy !! ! ! ! !!! ! thANK y0u all for the kind words on my last art posts. you all get it and i was/still am so happy about it

as promised, here's some close-ups of the comic for image quality's sake, and other screenshots i rescued from the community whiteboard (and something else)

first up another sketch of mystery gender-ambiguous being. (please send me more name ideas for them if you got one- i like to hear em! (reminder it's the side character that appeared for <10 seconds in AvM Ep. 30))

a few fav scenes

emotional support cwab

they weren't meant for this purpose exactly, but i do have countless "fluffy sticks" loose in my notes and homework sheets from the school years.

papery critter.

even when i wasn't confident in fur or feathers, they helped me practice posing and create some satisfying gradients/flowing poses. (im a sucker for good tail poses) (oh yay! i found a good pic...)

and finally, little sneak peak for you for reading so far ;3

i realized that whiteboardfox is pretty great for my working needs. simple and to the point and all. feels nice with the mouse and the tablet.

so i started hashing out a big project idea just to see if it holds up and

[

several hours later ...

]

oh

oh man

it's a little bigger than i expected

<next>

[marshmallowgoop]

And wish that I didn't

One last video before 2024 ends everywhere! Made this for Anime Frontier's AMV contest (check out a playlist of finalists here!) because I really wanted to submit thirteen Conan videos and needed one more to do that. It's since been revised and revamped, hopefully saying what I wanted to say with it more effectively!

Happy New Year!

[Song link] [YouTube link]

[cozylittleartblog]

Hello! 🦠 anon here again... I'm not sure if my ask wast sent so im gonna ask again,

What are your headcanons on swatch? Can you tell more of your concept of them? Like how do you view him? I would really appreciate it even it's like small fun facts! thanks a lot :)

you're fine i didn't have art to post so i didn't log in for a few days. uhhhhhh SwatchThoughts(tm):

they're the head butler ofc, but they're also queen's right-hand-man (gender neutral), her #1 bestie. they know everything about her, even about lancer before the events of ch2. they will literally do anything she asks and anything that will entertain her. it's tiring and they do complain sometimes but they enjoy their work, they know what a kind person she really is and that she's generally a good ruler, so they like to make her happy :)

weirdly competitive. nobody beats them in queen's monthly fruit-smashing competition and if you somehow do, they're a good sport but You Will Not Win Next Month. You Won't.

workaholic. oh god they wear so many hats in the mansion and they're so tired all the time, it's a miracle they get everything done

the color cafe is a regular butler cafe up front and a host club in the back. a handful of the birds, including swatch, can be paid (at quite high rates, swatch especially) to join you for drinks or sweets, flirt with you, cuddle - p much have a sweet and lightly romantic time. you would not believe how much money spamton dumped into the host club back in the day. their undisputed #1 customer even 20 years later

i generally view them as very asexual (demi specifically. + nonbinary) but they still love their host work! it's fun, they like making people happy and playing at being a romantic. and the sweets. they like the sweets just as much 🍰

damn good chef and an even better baker

very polite but short tempered 😔 they're quick to rough up people who don't follow the rules or who just personally annoy them/cause chaos, and they always win

they are the tallest swatchling, at 9 feet tall. Beast. good for carrying queen on their broad shoulders though!

their feathers, which are all slightly curly, have a slight iridescence to them that tint, along with accents on their outfit, in accordance to their mood or the paint they've been drinking . the default is pink

dressed to the nines 24/7. even on their time off.

they adore their birds. they spawned each and every single one of them (the ones in their own flock that work for queen, anyway), they know all their names even when everyone's the same color and they remember what's going on in their lives. which is impressive when there's at least a couple hundred of them ;;;

their favorite flavor of paint is dusty lilac

their favorite normal flavor is strawberry

as an art program they not only create things for lightners but also for queen ! they design a lot of things for her with her input, and with as quickly as they can draw things directly into the dark world they're always working on things for her, while dressing up their cafe for themed events in-between.

the underside of their tail is a swatchbook

they love being pet please pet them please please please p

[crimeronan]

been thinking about the rabies condition in writing lately, which is a GREAT post about stakes and characterization. basically exploring how if there's a 100% chance a character is doomed, then they can and will do extremely dangerous/damaging/contraindicated things for the slimmest hope of survival. which is one of my Favorite narrative devices

but while we're using health metaphors, i've been thinking about another somewhat complicated means of introducing character stakes, which i'm tentatively calling 'the autoimmune condition' for reasons that are. obvious

the premise itself is simple: the character has Something that they need to survive. they either can't live without this thing or they will lose something vital about themselves if they lose this thing. there is no replacement or alternative for the thing. what's most important are that the consequences for losing it are Extreme, rabies-condition-style

in the real life allegory, this is the immune system. which is great for being alive!

then the problem is introduced when this thing starts killing the character.

the character still needs it to live.

so: there is a 100% chance that you will die if you destroy the thing killing you. if you impair it through other means, there is a 100% chance of consequences, though the severity of those consequences is up to the author. (these are medication side effects in the real life allegory.)

if you do everything you're supposed to then you'll PROBABLY survive, but you're gonna have to play lifelong tug-of-war to balance everything, and you are often going to have to choose between two shitty options. bc there is no alternative.

this is a counterpart to the rabies condition in terms of stakes; with this condition, your character has to make complicated and difficult decisions about what they're sacrificing for their future. it's not the immediate life-and-death stakes of rabies, it's a slow decay instead.

what side effect consequences are they willing to take on?? and what are they NOT willing to take on?? where do their priorities lie in terms of symptom management?? what other solutions are they looking for?? what are they willing to sacrifice??

and perhaps most importantly: what exactly do they need to lose before they'll Accept the side effects / sacrifices that used to terrify them?? how high do the stakes need to be??

at what point is this character going to look back at the choices they've made up to this point, and realize that they no longer recognize themselves??