#but he was so TORTURED and she was so miserable in london and they were both so broken and tired at this point and it just

[clockwork-carstairs]

“He smelled of night air, of sweat and cologne and blood. You are all I have. Hold the darkness back. Hold the memories back. Hold me.”

– through blood, chain of thorns | cordelia carstairs and matthew fairchild

[keepingsecretstokeepyoutk]

This is going to be very long and sound a little crazy at first, and maybe a little mean but please hear me out…

I’m convinced that Taylor sometimes purposefully includes one line or multiple lines of poorly written or clunky lyrics in specific songs to make a point.

We all have seen some version of this with bearding songs like London Boy, a simple bop whose lyrics were immediately detected as sounding disingenuous, even with the general population (the locations she was signing about were the most touristy and too far away from each other to visit on the same day, etc, basically implying that she doesn’t actually have a long term local bf there that she spends a bunch of time with exploring the city with, etc).

But just like everything else on the album, I think she’s doing maybe a more in your face version of that. No holds barred.

So High School is an obvious example of this, with all of the early 2000’s hs imagery, she seems pretty blatantly to be mocking the idea the public has of her “living out every American girl’s high school fantasy” of dating the tall popular football player. With lyrics like “touch me while your friends play grand theft auto” (barf), etc, shes being clear enough that this is not a serious song.

This is the possibly controversial part, but I’m so curious to see what others think about this - I think another iteration of this on this album is the title track, The Tortured Poets Department. Hear me out.

(First, I want to reassure you that there are lines in this song that I really like and think are well written, like: “you’re in self-sabotage mode/throwing spikes down on the road” and “but you awaken with dread/pounding nails in your head/but I’ve read this one/where you come undone/I chose this cyclone with you”. And I fully agree with the idea that these sentiments are from Karlie’s perspective. Basically, when you take out the chunks I’m about to talk about this song makes way more sense and has a beautiful sentiment of undying love behind it - which makes the following parts stick out that much more!)

The first time I listened through the album, and this was the second song, I got terrified because I didn’t understand its place in the whole narrative and when I heard the first clunky line “scratch your head like a tattooed golden retriever” I got the ick. Then the bridge with no structure and no wit and no clever turns of phrase, no metaphor, just “you put my ring on the finger people put wedding rings on” and “that was the closest I’ve ever been to my heart exploding”. So over simplified and cheesy, and doesn’t sound anything like her writing, especially the caliber of her recent lyrics

I know art is largely subjective, but I insist there is no way that the same person who wrote Cowboy Like Me wrote these lines into her title track if she didn’t have a reason and a point to make. To make it clear that this isn’t a matter of genre personal taste, because I know CLM is a very specific sound and a style that music snobs often take more seriously - I love SO many of her candy pop bangers, they are infinitely more clever, articulate, and overall works of art by a true wordsmith than this. Karma, The Very First Night, etc are all a master classes in clever words and tight writing being tucked into an “unserious” pop song.

The lyrics I cited above to me sound like what haters believe her writing sounds like, even fans who make little jokey TikTok’s about her and make up a spoofy something to sing while in character - that’s what these lyrics sound like.

Im worried im being too harsh, but please stay with me because the more I think about the more genius I think it actually is.

In the context of the themes of rest of the album, (her being trapped, miserable, manipulated, ready to burn it all down, screaming to be seen) this theory became clear to me. I think she’s leaning into her public persona (in more ways than one, we’ve already seen it with the stunting), in a way setting a “trap” for her fans and the public, that will essentially call them all out on how they ignored the real her in favor of her pr narrative, making the album about paternity tests, etc, all of which I’m guessing will become very clear in retrospect, possibly after she comes out? (Of course it’s already clear to us now, which is another purpose of the beard songs including clunky writing - to signal to us that these are not serious and that she knows that we know that she knows (like Phoebe on friends lol))

Ultimately, this is (along with So Highschool) a classic beard song. When she writes in this voice, she embodies the most extreme versions of her public persona, not just the one she has cultivated on purpose, but also the one that people have of her that don’t know her (as she did in Blank Space), including those that don’t take her seriously - because her identity as a boy crazy psycho ex girlfriend is directly tied to people dismissing her art as vapid because, they’ve only ever heard her singles, they don’t know the full her.

That voice is the straightest, the most boy crazy, the most one note, and sometimes the most unsophisticated writer version of her that people have in their minds, including her fans - the fans that refuse to see her as a whole person, the real, that believe she is head over heals for big football boy, that believe “he knows how to ball, I know Aristotle” is a romantic line about how opposites attract, the fans that say they don’t “get” some of her most beautiful and well-written songs, the fans that don’t see her and haven’t been seeing her.

They didn’t see giant Taylor on the eras tour, they refuse to see all of her queer signaling, etc, and I think she’s making the bearding songs obvious to underscore the difference between her Taylor(TM) and Taylor(person) personas.

She knows that despite the fact that the lyrics don’t even come close to measuring up to the rest of the album, the public, and many of her fans, will make this song one of the most listened to simply because they are looking for evidence of her relationships from the past year. We’ve all commented on how insane it is that this layered, complex, devastating album is being reduced to the usual paternity tests. This is currently one of the top songs precisely because it is “about Matty”. And of course, So High School is one of the tops songs along with it because it’s “about Travis”.

The juxtaposition of the bearding songs alongside her beautifully written poetry of Prophecy, Peter, Whose Afraid of Little Old Me, Cassandra, How did it end, The Albatross, etc mirrors the juxtaposition of her two selves during the Midnights era.

She has proven the point that if they think she wrote every line of this song completely in earnest, then they see her largely no differently than her haters do, as a subpar writer who writes absurdly cheesy love songs praising trashy to mediocre, problematic men. By eating it up they tell her that’s what she’s good for, for being the subject of tabloids and warring fans who make this entire album about two (purposefully) mediocre songs and the men who “inspired” them.

She has proven her point - that a subset of her fans will be distracted by a lesser song simply because they think it’s about one of the greasy men that’s she been seen holding hands with. That they will ignore once again all of her pleas to be seen, that she’s in pain and caged, and has been driven insane by their willful ignorance. That they don’t appreciate her full potential and talent, that they don’t even see it, and just want to be confirmed in their ideation of her.

This song is essentially the “forget him(her)” pill at the beginning of the fortnight mv, but it’s a sedative for the fans, who are addicted to her straight narrative. Similar to Willow’s 13 chants of “that’s my man” that started off evermore, casting a spell of heteronormativity over everyone who wanted it, so that they could choose to just completely ignore the following 14 gayest songs ever written. Don’t pay no mind to her singing directly about women with zero male perspective - she said “that’s my man!” We’re good! She’s still straight!

Taylor in the fortnight mv had to a take a sedative to be able to go into the next room and write her bearding songs - ie she self medicates to deal with keeping up the straight persona and to get through having to release dumbed down songs to feed the masses. (I also see the pill as something forced on her, I think it represents both layers)

From the first time I watched the music video I thought the writing Taylor looked so miserable and the bearding songs are why.

In this room she’s trapped, churning out the songs that her fans expect of her, the songs that make her team money, the songs that make her money, but that she has to compromise her truth to create.

But when she frees herself she’ll burn the stories that weren’t true, the filler that doesn’t represent her.

I’m curious to hear other’s thoughts on this - have you ever felt like Taylor purposefully inserts off-sounding lyrics that are written in a different voice to make a point?

I want to reiterate that it’s not the entirety of either song that I think is terrible, I genuinely love bopping along to both So High School and TTPD (track). Like I said above, when you remove the clunky lines from ttpd (track), the song has another layer and likely gives voice to some Karlie insight that is beautiful and tragically profound. It’s the red herrings, the pieces specifically meant to tie this song to a bearding narrative, that I’m dissing, and the only reason they are suspicious in the first place is because I know how gifted Taylor is with the written word.

Taylor is such a skilled writer that she can embody the voice of the bad writer that dismissive ignorant idiots believe her to be, just to make a point!

I even wonder if maybe there is a second version of this song locked away in one of those drawers in the fortnight writing room that leaves out the red herrings and is a thousand times better than the bearding version we got.

I hope one day we get to hear it.

[coco-loco-nut]

How Did It End?

pairing: charles leclerc x reader

summary: charles can’t shake the reputation of not being able to hold a relationship

masterlist ttpd masterlist

—————————

Sure, Charles dated around, but he was in his 20s, and it wasn’t like those relationships were super short. He thought the reputation assigned to him was unfair. So when he met you, he thought things would be different. How did things die so quickly?

He was used to the scrutiny at that point, so he did his best to protect you, like you were a flower that he needed to take care of. Maybe that’s what let a disease sink in.

“Charlie, we can’t hide. I don’t care what people say, I want everyone to know how much I adore my boyfriend,” you begged.

“Mon amour, they are ruthless. I don’t want you getting attacked because you are with me,” Charles frets.

“Charles, I can’t keep hiding,” you say, moving away from his touch as he reaches for you.

That became more and more frequent. Charles wasn’t wrong, the attention you got from the media was overbearing at times, but you were happy to be with him.

Charles could tell you were subconsciously pulling away. You shared love language is touch, and it was less and less frequent. It started to feel foreign rather than comforting.

That’s not to say that it was all bad. You and Charles truly believed that you were it for each other and this was just a low spot to work through. You were blind to what was to come.

The downfall really happened during a post-race party. You and Charles had been separated from each other, and people decided that that was the correct time to plant seeds of doubt in both your minds.

“God, Pierre. I don’t know what to do. She deserves better than me, I think things are ending,” Charles says on the phone with his childhood best friend, running a hand through his hair. Little did he know that you were having the same conversation with some of your friends, asking for advice.

“I think it’s time to call it off,” you and Charles get the same reply. As much as neither of you wanted to, the seeds had been planted, and that comment was like a good rain that helps it grow.

Not even a week later, you are moving your things out of Charles’ apartment and back to your apartment in London. You thought you had some peace and quiet at the start of your separation, but then the gossip pages got pictures of you and Charles. You were out shopping, feeling absolutely lost without him, you didn’t even realize that

Charles could hear the hungry voices around him, vultures waiting for the next bit of gossip. Former friends sending him pictures of you shopping and looking miserable, people whispering around him when walking around Monaco. It was all too much, and it was always the same question.

“How did it end?” like his life was a circus, and he was reaching his breaking point. The more he is asked that question, the more he can’t hold onto his PR filter.

“I can’t pretend like I understand how it ended. She was my everything, we had dreams together. It feels like her ghost and I are sitting in a tree, like that nursery rhyme. D-y-i-n-g,” Charles rants to Max, one of the few people to not offer the fake sympathy.

Charles was miserable attending Silverstone. Knowing you were so close but so far, it was torture. He just wanted to hold you in his arms, show you off to the paddock.

“Mate, he looks awful. What happened, where’s Y/n?” Lando asks Carlos, observing the Monégasque driver.

“Didn’t you hear? They called it all off,” Carlos says as Lando’s head whips over to look at Carlos in shock.

“How did it end?” Lando asks. Charles wants to rage at everyone and everything. It’s never asking how he is doing, only how it ended.

“I don’t know,” Carlos shrugs.

Charles knows how it goes, if he tells someone what happened, they will promise to keep it to themselves but end up telling all of their friends. It’s a spectacle, every time a failed relationship of his makes light.

You show up to the race in disguise, having been dragged out of your apartment by your friends.

“He looks miserable,” you say, watching Charles on the screens. It’s not too noticeable to anyone who doesn’t know him well.

“The same as you. Maybe you should reach out,” one of your friends suggests as you stand at the front of the barriers for the Ferrari fan zone.

“I, I shouldn’t. We broke up for a reason,” you tell her, not noticing Charles’ gaze on you.

“Maybe so, but it seems like you two need to talk,” she says and you look up at Charles who holds your gaze for a second.

“Maybe,” you can’t help the slight blush that appears on your cheeks. After the event, you see a text from him in your messages. You never blocked Charles’ number, you couldn’t bring yourself to.

You meet Charles at a park nearby, and it’s starting to feel like a bad idea.

“I’m sorry for all the media attention that came with the breakup,” Charles starts and you feel anger flare up.

“That’s what you are sorry for?”

“No! Well, yes, but I’m also sorry that I never publicly showed you off. All I could think about the past few weeks is how much I wanted you by my side. I love you, you are different than anyone I’ve dated before,” Charles corrects himself.

“Charles, don’t say that. Of course, I love you too, but I know how this goes. You will try and change, and things will be okay for a little, but then they will revert to how they were,” you sit on the bench nearby.

“No, they won’t,” he rebuts, but you don’t believe it.

“I hate seeing you miserable, but I can’t be in a relationship that makes me miserable in the long run,” you say, grabbing his hand.

“Y/n,” he trails off, unsure of what to say.

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t opt in to be your odd man out, Charlie. I was going down with the ship. You said you loved me but where were the clues? You never showed me off, I was stuck at home while you were out,” you go on a slight tangent.

“I never meant to cage you, I just wanted to keep you safe. I realize how wrong that was, now. I put the weight of the relationship on you, I’m so sorry,” Charles begins to realize you won’t budge, that you need to protect yourself.

“I’m just getting color back into my face, and you will too. You and I will find someone who meets our needs, and this will be just a small blip in your life,” you smile ruefully, removing your hand from his.

“I’m not the one,” Charles exhales, and you shake your head. You know what’s bothering him and why he’s fighting for you now.

“Ignore them. Those who truly know you don’t believe the reputation the media has spun of you. I’ll be cheering for you, Charlie. Maybe we can be friends one day,” you stand up, taking in the sight of him one last time. Charles watches as you walk away.

Neither of you saw the camera trained on you, but Charles took your advice. When the photo was published with the caption “how did it end?”, he ignored it. And when he finally met the one, he realized you were right once again.

[kristiemewisstan]

The Tortured Poets Department Unhinged First Listen Review:

Fortnight-

NEEDS MORE POSTY, we love a “I wanna kill her”, this one MIGHT BE about Matty Healy lol “I touched you for only a fortnight”

The Tortured Poets Department-

“WHO USES TYPEWRITERS ANYWAY” YOU BITCH ITS YOU LOL, Charlie Puth name drop 🤨 oh god so many name drops, THIS BRIDGE, not the wedding ring…

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys-

THERE WAS A LITANY OF REASONS WHY WE SHOULDVE PLAYED FOR KEEPS THIS TIME my jaw literally dropped the entire last verse

Down Bad-

“Everything comes up teenage petulance” this one is cringy but in a way I love, Taylor Is Very Much A Down Bad Girlie

So Long, London-

this song is tachycardic I PROMISE I MADE THIS JOKE BEFORE “STOPPED CPR”, two graves one gun I SWORE THAT YOU LOVED ME BUT WHERE WAS THE CLUES damn she’s really sad to lose London huh

But Daddy I Love Him-

this would have a cool music video “she’s was chaos he was revelry” this is if red and the 1975 had a child that’s the vibe

Fresh Out the Slammer-

Okay so this is the “I just realized how bad this relationship truly was and thank god I’m out of it”, okay the weird slow down stuff wasn’t my favorite thing

Florida!!!-

I’m cackling, THE FLORENCE VERSE IS SO GOOD I think that this is just a Florence and the machine song it sounds so like them

Guilty as Sin?-

Okay this is the first one I’ve been like “oooooo I really like this one” “what if I roll the stone away, they’re gonna crucify me anyway” DAMN some religious imagery will always get me right in the trauma

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?-

This one has a lot of the brain scratching pauses “don’t you worry folks we took out all her teeth” oof this song is just really angry

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)-

Cowboy Like Me but they don’t end up happy, okay “good boy” made me giggle so apparently in a 12 year old boy

loml-

PIANO! WANT IVE WANTED THE WHOLE TIME “still alive, killin time at the cemetery, never quite buried” I’m getting a gun and flying to London, I swear “TALKING RINGS AND TALKING CRADLES 🤨” JOE ALWYN FOUND DEAD IN A DITCH “THE LOSS OF MY LOVE” COUNT YOUR DAYS JOSEPH 💀, this should’ve been track 5

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart-

hello production that is giving Barbie movie/80s vibes, this is the first one I’m certain was written recently like it was definitely written on tour, the peppy “cause I’m miserable!” Hurt Me but also same

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived-

THE BREATH ahhhhh PIANO! “I don’t even want you back I just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal” okay back half of the album is eating, THE PICKUP, SPEAK NOW VIBES BUT MOM IS OLDER AND MADDER

The Alchemy-

ok ok ok “I circled you on a map I haven’t come around in so long but I’m coming back so strong” fucking meant,👌 touchdown mention lmao, okay this is SO ABOUT TRAVIS 🥹🥰

Clara Bow-

Best production on the album in the first 10 seconds, BEAUTY IS THE BEAST THAT ROSE, WAIT WHAT????? “You look like Taylor Swift” yeah queen because you are lol, It’s so people can make the audio of her singing all the album names lmao

First Overall Listen- 7/10

I was getting nervous in the front half but the back half more than made up for it

The vibe was just off at the start and honestly that’s probably a me thing and will get better with further listens

The lyrics were amazing as always

Production was okay, some of the songs were perfect and some had me going 🤨

Charlie Puth

Top 3 in no particular order (apparently I like songs that hurt me):

Guilty as Sin?

loml

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

[another-clive-blog]

Don't want to burn you out with requests but what's the most tragic scenario we can make about Clive suffering

-φ

φ I want you to know that I would die for you. You are so sweet for caring about my health but I can promise you these asks are fuel to get through the rest of the day <3 If I get a burn-out, school is to blame. That being said, this is the occasion for me to go wild so I want to say a big thank you hehe !!

Alright so I had to get creative about this one because like- Clive already goes through it in canon, and also I exploded him yesterday, I'm killing him today, might torture him tomorrow, so really what more can I do right ? And then I realized. Tragic. Suffering.

What is more tragic than perpetuating the cycle of violence ? What hurts more than losing yourself in it ? What scenario could be worse than becoming who you were trying to destroy ?

(Re)introducing Bad Times AU, also known as the Ouch WIP. This is the Claire and Dimitri swap AU where everyone is extra miserable and unhappy. It may not be the angstiest AU of the game but I feel like its events fit well this request.

This takes place after the last WIP where Claire realizes Clive has doomed her. She has successfully caught up with him before he starts his machine, therefore giving way for one final confrontation between Claire and Clive !

Claire caught up with him right in front of the Thames Arms. It was funny, she supposed, because they had celebrated every major success in this very place : Dimitri had insisted on it, a way to build some team cohesion.

Team cohesion- yeah, right.

"Stop right there," she commanded, and he had the audacity to obey.

How could he ? After everything they'd been through, every effort she'd made- how could he do that ? How could he just condemn her and then move on to kill more innocents as if it was nothing ?

Did he even realize what he was doing ? What he had done ?

Clive turned around to face her. He was oddly calm, his expression neutral as he eyed her up and down. "I wasn't expecting you here," he simply said.

Claire had expected him to at least fake remorse, give a half-hearted apology that he would have never meant, but he couldn't even bother to do that. "What do you think you're doing ?"

They both knew the answer : starting up a giant war machine. Destroying all of London. Making sure no one would ever forget his crimes, because nobody would care to remember Bill's after this day.

Clive said nothing.

He turned to get away, and Claire moved without thinking : grabbing his arm, she jerked him closer. "Why won't you answer ? Is it because you know the truth ? That you're just like us- just like Bill."

He yanked his arm free, a look of sheer rage on his face. "I am not !!"

That was more like it. He wasn't that dignified, unreachable person- he didn't deserve to be unbothered by any of this, she decided.

She had come to stop him, but at that moment Claire realized that she didn't care about reasoning him. Why should she ? That man was the reason she was dying. She didn't have to save him if he had killed her. She wasn't a martyr, a good little lamb who saw the good in everyone. She wasn't an all forgiving God.

She was a human, and she had enough.

"Yes you are. You put yourself with the little people, thinking you're a hero who stands up against the bullies, but you don't care about the little people. You never did !"

"Shut up !" He yelled. He looked hurt and furious, as if he still had any right to feel either of it. "You don't understand !!"

"Oh, but I do. We've all harmed people because we were selfish. Bill wanted his money, Dimitri wanted fame, I- well I guess I wanted to live, but you know that."

"I don't-"

"But you ?" She cut him off, and she could see how unbearable this was for him to hear. Too bad- she didn't think she could stop herself if she wanted too, and she didn't. "You harm people for the sake of harming them. You're no better than us. You're worse, actually." Claire felt high and free, and was it what it felt like to finally fight back ? Or was it the feeling of her body giving out, of her mind losing touch with reality ?

Was she hallucinating, or was her whole body suddenly glowing ?

Clive wasn't answering anymore, his hands hiding his face and grasping at strands of his hair : he was shaking, a mess in his body and mind. Was he hurt ? Crying ? Claire couldn't bring herself to care. She was going to die because of him, he could at least endure a blow to his ego. And if that made her petty, mean or selfish ? She didn't care. She was dying. She was dead. And it was his fault this time.

Her vision was starting to get blurry, but she kept going anyway. "The truth is, it was never about scientists. It wasn't even about politicians. It's about people like you, who intentionally harm others to get what you want." She wasn't even sure he could still hear her. Was she talking to him or was she just getting it all out ? Why wasn't he reacting anymore ? "You are the problem, Clive, as much as we are : we, however, are not trying to pin the blame on someone else."

It felt good- it shouldn't feel good. Hershel would be disappointed. Well, she wouldn't get to see him again because of Clive, so did it really matter what Hershel would think ? She was dying either way.

She heard a muffled sound come from behind Clive's hands. Oh, so he was crying. This was quite pathetic and infuriating after everything he'd done- or well, planned to do. He hadn't started his machine yet, had he ? He could still... turn back, she realized. Then the only one he'd had killed would be her, although she was already dead.

She absolutely refused to comfort him, but his crying was making her more and more uncomfortable.

Except he wasn't crying.

His head jerked back as his whole body shook with uncontrollable laughter. He was laughing like a mad man, breathless and unstoppable. The sorrow, shame, horror Claire had seen him display- it was all gone, as if it had never even reached him.

Claire... didn't know how to react. She wasn't expecting that- she wasn't expecting much of anything, really. She had been- she had been thoughtlessly lashing out, she realized. Just like him.

"Well, maybe you're right," he was laughing like they were on in some kind of joke, a silly little secret they'd have shared during a sleepover or something, as if they weren't talking about destroying London. She clenched her fists, chills running down her spine. He had lost it- he had truly and finally lost it.

His laughter finally died down, but the smile remained : crazy eyes stared at her, piercing through her very soul. "But if you are, I need to do this more than I thought."

Claire took a step forward, tone firm and cold. God, she felt so cold all of a sudden. "Didn't you hear ? It won't solve anything. You're not helping anyone, not even yourself !! Hershel is going to stop you, and then there will be no second chance for you." Was- why was everything blending together around her ? Why couldn't she see the trees and boats and river anymore ? Why couldn't she hear the birds singing ?

Why couldn't she feel anything ?

Clive watched this, the result of his own actions. The death of his hero's lover. The professor wouldn't get there in time to save her.

Layton wouldn't get there in time to save him.

"I think people like us never get any real second chances."

-_-_-_-

I love Claire. I am so angry that she solved everyone's problems and never got to do or say anything about her own. She deserved that lashing out so I'm giving it to her.

On the other hand, I have always been fascinated by Clive listening very quietly and nicely to Layton's biography of him, and going all villainous laughter only AFTER Hershel is done. I think he snapped when he realized that there was no going back, that the trap was closing on him.

[toribookworm22]

Listen. I've had The Tortured Poets Department on loop since it came out. I really really love it and only love it more with each repeat.

So. Here's my First Listen Notes:

Fortnight

What a way to start an album: I was supposed to be sent away. But they forgot to come and get me.

Love the synth rise and the beat drop

Post Malone's voice sounds SO good!

The Tortured Poets Department

Like who uses typewriters anyway 😆

Who else decodes you

No-fucking-body

Oooh the drop... it's so sad and quiet 🥺

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

Oooh fun beat

I'm queen of sandcastles he destroys 😲

He saw forever so he smashed it up 😶

Daaaaaamn

Down Bad

Digging this soft music, okay

The chimes!!

THE CHORUS

So fuck you if I can't have us

The bridge instrumentation

OOOOH IT GOES OUT OF TUNE

So Long, London

The choral sound!!!

The ramp up!!!

How much sad did you think I had in me

Oh this is gutwrenching

I'm just mad as hell cause I loved this place

But Daddy I Love Him

No I'm not but you should see your faces 😄

An adult Love Story

It's my own disgrace

I love this

Fresh Out The Slammer

Ooh twangy first beat

Tone shift hello

I did my time 🥺

FLORIDA!!!

THE DRUMS

Ooooh Florence's voice

Somehow it sounds like both of their songs????

Guilty as Sin?

How can I be guilty as sin?

What if the way you hold me actually was holy

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?

Villain Song! Villain Song!

You don't get to tell me about sad

Sounds old country

If you wanted me dead you should've just said

So I leap from the gallows

WHOS AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME (you should be)

What the hell?!?!

Was it a wonder I broke

I was tame I was gentle

Well you should be

The lowering beats!!!

Then I'm fearsome and I'm wretched

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

Love the old country open

Almost ghostly

Your good lord doesn't need to lift a finger

I can handle me a dangerous man (no really I can)

Woah maybe I cant!!!

loml

Aww it's just piano

Who's gonna stop us from waltzing into rekindled flames if we know the steps anyway 🥺

I felt a glow like this never before and never since

Still alive and killing time at the cemetery

Holy ghost you told me I'm the love of your life 😭

She's so sad...

What we thought was for all time was momentary

Mr. Steal your girl then make her cry

Talking rings and talking cradles

Something counterfeit's dead

Oh my good god I want to analyze this my goodness

You're the loss of my life 😭 Taylor no!!

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

It sounds like pool in the background

Very 80s arcade glitch pop

I'm a real tough kid I can handle my shit

He said. He'd love. Me all. His life.

I'm so depressed I act like it's my birthday 🤣

No, not depression pop!

I can hold my breath; I've been doing it since he left

Taylor I've never understood you more 🤦‍♀️

You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart

You know you're good! I'm good

Cause I'm miserable

And nobody even knows!

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

The exhale no!

Who the fuck was that guy

They just ghosted you now you know what that's like 😲

I don't even want you back I just want to know

🫢

This is the most sadly disappointed jab of a song I've ever heard

WERE YOU SENT BY SOMEONE

IN 50 YEARS WILL THIS ALL BE DECLASSIFIED

AND ILL SAY GOOD RIDDANCE

I WOULDVE DIED FOR YOUR SINS

YOULL SLIDE INTO INBOXES AND BETWEEN BARS

You kicked out the stage lights but you're still performing

And I'll forget you but I'll never forgive

Hot damn.

Claiming this as mine yes please

The Alchemy

But I'm coming back so strong

Honestly who are we to fight the alchemy

But I'm making a comeback to where I belong

He jokes that it's heroin but this time with an e

Where's the trophy he just comes running to me

Clara Bow

Ooh windup

Yes guitar!!! Love this intro!!

This sounds so indie and small I love it

Soft and comforting

Take the glory give everything

The crown is stained but you're the real thing

Oooh some small town lore

Hello something reminiscent of The Lucky One

Character Song Acquired

It's. Hell. On. Earth. To. Be. Heavenly.

You've got edge she never did

What a way to end that song damn

The Black Dog

Sad piano no

You forgot to turn it off

Her voice sounds so fragile

Until it doesn't!

Old habits die SCREAMING!!!

YESSSSSSSS

okay miss back to soft but slowly growing

Her voice is so earnest

Yes the beats are so good!

Six weeks of breathing clean air

Beat change!!!!!!

Screeeeeeeeeaaaaaammmmiiiiing

And I hope you heeeeeeeeeeaaaaaar it

And I hope it's shitty in The Black Dog

Keep the beat going!!! Yes!!!

I adore this so so much

The last screaming is WHISPERED!!!???! what!??!

Top songs. I'm calling it.

imgonnagetyouback

I hear you 1989 energy

And I'll tell you one thing honey delivery stunning

Ooh okay!

Sparkly alright okay!

Instrumentation is so fun

I'm loving the ultimatums 😆

Even if it's handcuffed I'm LEAVING HERE WITH YOU

pick your poison babe I'm poison either way

Cut the music alright!

The Albatross

Ooooh this is so pretty already!

I love the softness contrasted with the short lines

She's the albatross she is here to destroy you

One less temptress one less dagger to sharpen

And they tried to warn you about me

And I tried to warn you about them!

I'm the life you chose and all these terrible dangers

So cross your thoughtless heart

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

Simple instrumentation

Oh but I love the title drop

If you wanna break my cold cold heart just say I loved you the way that you were

If you wanna tear my world apart just say you've always wondered

I changed into goddesses villains and fools

Will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon

Cause I wonder

Will I always wonder

How Did It End?

Oooh no I'm scared

The piano is scaring me already

No not oh-oh's

We hereby conduct this post-mordem

We must know... how did it end?

Oh-oh oh-ohhhhhhhh

Her backing vocals are so gorgeous

Lot the game of chance what are the chances

Walking in circles like she was lost

Didn't you hear they called it all off

One gasp then how did it end?

Ooh key change oh no

My beloved ghost and me sitting in a tree d-y-i-n-g

But I still don't know how did it end?

I didnt understand until I did hot damn

So High School

Ooooh the instrumentation sounds so 2000s!!!!

That just soft pop rock energy

Bittersweet 16 suddenly

I love the contrast between her soft airy vocals and her gritty lows

Are you gonna marry kiss or kill me

You know how to bottle I know Aristotle

I feel... like laughing

And in the blink of a crinkling eye

Such a sweet grinning song

Sounds like she's really recapturing something teenage

I Hate It Here

Quick quick (lyrics before music what??)

Tell me something awful like you are a poet

When I was a precocious child

Small town fears

Cause I hate it here

Everyone would look down cause it wasn't fun now seems like it was never even fun back then

Only the gentle survived

I'm made most of the year

This is really really pretty

A fun I was a quietly angry child song

This place made me feel worthless

She sounds timeless

This could actually be a kids movie song with this lullaby like instrumentation

thanK you aIMee

(Her first play on capitalization?)

And I forget the way you made me feel

Screaming fuck you Aimee

Ooh I like the build

Nice build!!! Oooh so fun!

But she used to say she wished you were dead 🫢

I built a legacy that you can't undo

That there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you

Miss Taylor did you write a whole new bully song for me??? A la Mean???

I don't think you've changed much do I changed your name

Only us two are gonna know is about you

Soft and powerful

Like every kid who came out of bullying with a kinder heart

I Look In People's Windows

Ooh fun instru- wait wait what? That glitch of a noise? Hello?

I'm afflicted by the not knowing

Backing vocals! Fun noise!

The music is sounding a little more strangled okay!

I'm addicted to the if only

Music leaves her isolated when she calls herself weird hmmm subtext there

The Prophecy

Country sings again with the indie guitar

I got cursed like eve got bitten

A lesser of a woman would've lost hope a greater woman would've begged

Ooh the begging is so pretty

Sounds a prayer for real

Feeling like the very last drops of an ink pen

Gathered with a coven round

But even statues crumble if they're made to wait

Spending my last coins so someone will tell me it'll be okay

And said *please*

Cassandra

Oooh follow piano notes

Build some strings okay

When it's burn the bitch they're shrieking

When the truth comes out it's quiet

So they killed Cassandra first

So they killed my cell with snakes I regret to say do you believe me now

What happens if it becomes who you are

So they set my life in flames I'm scared to say do you believe me now

Bloods thick but nothing like a payroll

It's so sad but still powerful like Greek mythology I guess

Ooh but the gravel on "heard"

I think I hear static like fire in the background at the end

Peter

Oooh okay some powerful piano notes alright

Love this instrumentation

Is it something I did

I thought it was just goodbye for now

Said you were gonna grow up then you were gonna come find me

Such a simple melody I love it

We said it was just goodbye for now

And I won't confess that I waited

Cause loves never lost when perspective is earned

Lost to the lost boys chapter of your life

But the woman who waits by the window has turned out the light

The Bolter

Oooooh

Okay I'm here for this alright

Storytelling like folklore!!!

Behind her back her best friends laughed

It's cheery but so devastating my goodness

All her fucking lives passed before her eyes

Oooh ramp up a little with some subtle beats

She's been many places

Yes ramp up

Chariots are waiting

There's a scape in escaping

But she's got the best story

Robin

(In here for all the names okay)

No sad piano!!!

Long note no!!!

You are bloodthirsty (ethereal version)

This is so pretty

The softest battle cry

It's nostalgic power?

We all vowed to keep it from you in sweetness

Is this like you did a good job being sweet now be angry?

You have no room in your dreams for regret

You'll learn to bounce back like you trampoline

This is such a be whatever kind of kid you wanna be

The Manuscript

One note and I'm crying

Love the isolated notes Oh my gosh

Love this end already

Now and then she rereads the manuscript

In the age of him she wished she was 30

Afterwards she only ate kids cereal

She wasn't sure

Okay some growing notes yes! Grow power

The professor said to write what you know

Looking backwards may be the only way to move forward

And at last she knew what the agony had been for

The only that's left is the manuscript

But the story isn't mine anymore

That is a... okay, wait... that's a really really good way to end this album... I need time to digest that actually... hold on...

[sasuhinasno1fan]

Wish come true - Adrien AUGreste Day 26, 27 + 28

Yes, late for a second day but this was the prompt that made me realise I wanted to extend the story. And background context was needed. I do wonder if I took a quick and easy route with how this chapter ends for Luka but it seemed like a better reason for Adrien to be given the Cat Miraculous. Also, you could pull Chloe redemption from my cold dead hands. Anyway, a massive thank you to @etherealxgenie for taking the time to beta this. She’s been a godsend. Freedom

Adrien tried not to fidget. Regardless of Lady Tomoe’s ability to see, she was still incredibly intimidating. Marinette had mentioned it felt like ice was running down her spine when Kagami skipped practice to participate in the city-wide scavenger hunt, with a private Clara Nightingale performance waiting at the end. It did cause the woman to be akumatized but in the end she gave in and Kagami promised the relaxing time gave her an edge on actually landing a hit on her mother. Adrien wasn’t sure how much he believed that with the bruises on her legs from her mother’s shinai.

“You fence?”

“Um, I know how to. I don’t really do it much anymore.” Adrien replied.

She let out a hum and Adrien couldn’t help but glance at Kagami. What did that even mean?

“Have you been on any teams?”

“Uh, yeah. I was on my school’s team in Italy and also when we lived in London for a while. Usually there aren’t enough people and once they hear I know how to, they kinda just ask if I can do a bout.” He easily answered.

“And you’ve won?” She continued to question.

“Yes. But like I said, I don’t really do it anymore.” Adrien said.

Lady Tomoe hummed again before nodding her head to her daughter. “Is he good?”

“He’s joined Marinette and I a few times. He can beat Marinette easily and he and I kept a tie record. I did win our last fight, however.” Kagami explained, not mentioning their fights had been replaced nearly 3 months ago when Kitty Section was starting to gain more traction.

Humming once again (he really wished she’d stop doing that), Lady Tomoe waved them away. “Go. Mingle. But behave. I’m watching you, Kagami.”

Adrien believed that bit in a heartbeat.

“When you asked if I could come as your guest to this party, I didn’t know you’d be subjecting me to that.” Adrien whispered as they walked away.

“You dealt with Lila on a daily basis and my mother is the one to unnerve you? You’re a strange person, Adrien Rossi.”

As Kagami led the way to the dessert table where Marinette’s parents were passing out food to the guests, he glanced over his shoulder at where Chloe was standing. She was sulking, leaning against the wall near where her parents were. Her butler tried speaking to her, but she kept turning from him. He’d heard that Sabrina and Chloe had gotten into a fight, something about Sabrina’s reason for being akumatized into Miraculer. Clearly without her best friend, Chloe was miserable. He was sure watching her mother act the way she did while her father tried to gain affection was torture. If his own parents were this bad, he’d just walk away and leave them but Adrien was fine getting lost in a city while they yelled at each other. Chloe was still having trouble accepting the class as her friends. It was hard to erase years of habits in a few months.

“Hello Adrien, Kagami.” Marinette’s mother said, picking up a plate and napkin, her husband at the ready with tongs.

“Nin hao tài tai Cheng.”

“Oh, you’re getting much better at the accent Adrien. I’m so glad you’ve been practicing.”

“Sorry I haven’t been by for your help.”

“That’s alright. Marinette said Kitty Section was signed to the same label as Jagged Stone. You must be excited!”

He still didn’t know about the possibility of moving. With each day his mother had no answer, he couldn’t think of what to say when people brought it up.

“Yeah. Really excited. Do you have any passion fruit macarons?”

“No, Marinette is bringing more by. But we do have eclairs. Kagami, would you like one as well?”

“Can I try the strawberry one?”

Taking a bite, moaning a little from the creamy taste, Adrien watched Chloe. Nathalie had arrived carrying a box and the screen with Gabriel, Gorilla following behind her. He watched the assistant leave her driver with Lady Tomoe, who seemed perfectly fine with the silent giant’s presence. Nathalie called the mayor over, while his wife complained about being left alone and Chloe seemed to be done with everything. She stomped away from her butler, oddly making a beeline for him. At that same time, Marinette stepped off the elevator and stopped herself from crashing into Chloe, though the boxes she had stacked started to tip. Chloe managed to grab them, looking frustrated at Marinette.

“Honestly Dupain-Cheng, everyone knows how clumsy you are and you still insist on stacking boxes these high? I hope you’re not nearly this clumsy at your very first show. You're going to embarrass yourself when you trip in front of the audience and all your models.” Marinette looked as surprised as he felt, more so when Chloe started to carry the boxes to the bakery owners. “Hurry up Dupain-Cheng!” she ordered, causing Marinette to scramble after her.

“That was…odd.” Adrien said.

“You said she hasn’t spoken with her friend right, the red-haired girl? Maybe she’s tired of being alone? You did say she’s getting better. Just that the entitlement was mostly just part of her personality?” Kagami asked, both watching Chloe place the boxes down.

“Yeah. Just, kinda weird to see it just happening. Half the time, Sabrina is giving her that ‘you better behave’ look.”

“Thank you, girls. Did you want to try anything Chloe? I don’t think I saw you touch a single thing.” Sabine asked.

“Your mother requested bagels and I even got the rainbow kind down. Sure, you don’t want to try it?” Tom threw in.

“Honestly, I want to go back to my room.” Chloe said, looking back at the stage where Nathalie had joined her parents holding a sheet looking item over her arm. “This is stupid. They don’t love each other and the sooner they get divorced the better.”

No one really knew how to respond to that. Months ago, after the fashion show Juleka walked, Chloe announced she wanted to go to New York with her mother. But her mother didn’t even seem to notice or care, instead focusing on offering Marinette a chance to work in fashion in New York. The two girls didn’t get along, so Chloe felt like it was a slap to the face. And as much as Marinette wanted to say yes, both to get a start in her career and to spite Chloe, she also noticed how Chloe would take it. Surprisingly, it had been her to call off the party celebrating Chloe leaving.

“She might be mean to me any chance she could get but…all she wants is to be with her mom and she’s being treated like she doesn’t matter. I might not like her, but no one deserves to be treated like that.”

During it all, the mayor had been akumatized in hopes to keep Chloe in Paris and that’s when she’d been given the Bee Miraculous. She helped stop her father but she also messed up. She still wanted her mother’s attention, so when the fighting was over, Chloe ran off. From what the city understood, Scarlet Bug and Catseye were about to detransform and couldn’t go after her.

They were spotted again 20 minutes after that but Chloe hadn’t gone back to her hotel room. She’d gone to Sabrina’s and come morning, planted herself in front of her mother in the hotel’s restaurant and transformed, hoping for something. All she got were insults and an upturned nose, watching her mother order her new assistant to get Marinette on the phone for an answer on her proposition. It was no one’s surprise that she’d been akumatized, even with the Bee Miraculous on. She’d only shown up again as Queen Bee during Hero Day but since then, no one had seen her during fights. Chloe had even gotten a Batman style light to get the heroes’ attention but she’d stopped using it a while back. No one knew why, kinda scared to ask.

“Marinette, before you take the trays back, could you go find umbrellas for the drinks? Chloe, maybe you know where they are?” Sabine asked.

“What? No, I don’t. I don’t go into kitchens.” Chloe said, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

“Well then take Adrien and Kagami. 4 pairs of eyes are better than two. It might take a while, I’m sure.” Sabine said with a smile on her face and a knowing look.

“Yes.” Kagami said, seeming to understand. She took Adrien’s plate, allowing him to grab his half-eaten éclair and placed them on the table before grabbing Marinette’s arm. With a hand on Adrien’s side, she pushed him towards her mother, Marinette grabbing Chloe as they passed. “Mother, we’re going to help Marinette look for something in the kitchen. It shouldn’t take long.”

“Very well.” Lady Tomoe answered. “Be back quickly. You’re not here to play around.”

The young fencer dragged them all into the kitchen, looking around. She got her hands on the bag of mini umbrellas and poked her head outside for something.

“Why is the scary fencer ordering my butler around?” Chloe asked, like either of them had answers.

Kagami came back and grabbed them again, stealthily going to the door and looking out. Armand stepped in front of the door, moving one hand behind his back to wave at them. Taking that as a signal, Kagami dragged them out of the kitchen and into an elevator just as it opened. Chloe was the one to hit the button for the roof, and they all let out a sigh of relief when the doors closed.

“Ok, what was that?” Chloe asked confused as the elevator started to move up.

“You wanted to leave, I wanted time away from my mother and these two are fine with anything.” Kagami stated. “Marinette’s mother was giving us an out, so I took it.”

Chloe looked at Kagami speechless before sighing and looking away. “What the hell did I get myself into?”

Once they reached the roof, Chloe threw herself on one of the loungers while pushing her sunglasses down as she took in the sun. Adrien let out a yelp as Marinette pushed him into the ball pit, who jumped in with Kagami. The three started throwing the plastic balls at each other, trying to dodge while stuck. A few managed to get over to Chloe, one actually hitting her, which she returned with quite an impressive throw. It hit Marinette on the shoulder and the sound wasn’t pleasant but her two classmates were too impressed with the throw to say anything. When Gorilla came out of the elevator, he thankfully spotted Chloe first, giving Marinette and Adrien time to shove Kagami under the balls.

“What?” Chloe asked, her voice set in her usual haughty tone. The bodyguard did some sort of fencing gesture then held his hand up to about Kagami’s height. “Does it look like she’s here?”

With her glare, Gorilla left. While Marinette and Kagami continued to play, Adrien pulled himself out of the pool, walking over to the grand piano close to the loungers. He started to play the piano opening to Fabulous from the High School Musical movies, though Chloe groaned.

“Not that! Anything but that. Can’t believe I watched that movie so much.”

“Why am I not surprised you were a Sharpey fan?” Adrien said, switching to a medley of Ashly Tisdale songs.

“Oh please, I’m much better than she is. At least I don’t go after guys who are dating people. I also don’t ban people from doing things.”

“No, just pop stars from performing in France as a whole.” Adrien reminded.

“That wasn’t my fault! Dupain-Cheng didn’t want to do it before. She only said she would do Catseye after I got cast. I had the worst job working with Lila as Scarlet Bug. I didn’t actually think those rules Daddy found would stick. How was I supposed to know Clara’s label wouldn’t send the correct paperwork after? But I guess that’s what I do. I make a mess of things and can’t even fix them.” Chloe sulked, sliding down the lounge chair while refusing to look in his direction.

Adrien stopped playing to look at Chloe. He felt like an idiot. He was happy Chloe was changing for the better, but of course she’d still have feelings about her actions. Since most people were willing to look past it as much as they could – example with Marinette not going out of her way to talk to the girl who bullied her for years – he assumed Chloe felt the same. He didn’t realize Chloe was still holding onto the blame from the consequences for her actions.

Turning on the bench, Adrien leaned onto his knees, staring at the back of Chloe’s head. “Is that what happened with Sabrina?”

“Fishing for information for Cesaire?” she snapped, still refusing to look at him.

“No, just curious. From what I know, it’s been you and Sabrina for ages. No matter what you did, she always stuck by you. She always comes to your defence and I’ve actually seen you threaten bodily harm on anyone who messes with her.”

“Yeah, except all I do is get her akumatized because I have to be a bitch and be rude. First, I ignored her because she unknowingly embarrassed me and then I snapped at her about never understanding what I went through. The one girl who’s actually been there when I’m dealing with my mother.” Chloe interrupted. Her voice got lower, like she was holding back tears.

Adrien got off the bench, kneeling next to the lounge chair. “What do you mean ‘not understanding’?”

“I can’t say what it is.”

“Chloe-”

“No!” she said, actually turning to him, yanking her sunglasses off. “I can’t say. I messed up already before by being selfish. If I say anything, to her or anyone else, I’ll just be selfish again. I’d even be putting her in danger.”

The only real danger Adrien could think of was Hawkmoth. Then he remembered the note. He knew he wasn’t the only hero who’d been pulled in to help during fights. Which meant, he couldn’t have been the only one to get a note.

“You mean Scarlet Bug told you not to tell?”

Chloe muffled a choking sound as her blue eyes shimmering with tears. “I knew I couldn’t be Queen Bee anymore. I mean, I was given the chance to help when my dad was akumatized and all I thought about was how my mom was going to finally notice me. I was surprised they asked for help during Hero Day. Then something happened and I knew if I wanted another chance, I had to keep quiet about it. So, I stopped using the signal and I stopped bugging them about it. I didn’t tell Sabrina because if anyone else knew I wanted another chance, Hawkmoth would still be watching me. I didn’t say anything and she got mad for me. She couldn’t understand why Scarlet Bug and Catseye were ignoring me and I didn’t know how to tell her what I wanted, so I just snapped. Told her she didn’t understand me or why I did things.

“After Sabrina was akumatized again, there was this other akuma, she was all dressed in red. The akuma that came from Sabrina was the same colour, like all the ones during Hero Day. I was given the Bee Miraculous since Sabrina could take powers and I was told to go after the other akuma. I don’t even know what her item could have been but she managed to get away. I helped them with stopping Sabrina and I wanted to keep the Bee. I asked, what am I saying? I begged to keep it but Scarlet Bug told me it was too dangerous. The other akuma almost took the Bee during the fight and took it to Hawkmoth. I got that, but I also thought about how I could help. He told me that I could help by being a hero out of the costume, by still being Queen Bee without the Miraculous. He said that if he didn’t have to worry about Hawkmoth always waiting for me whenever an akuma showed up, he’d give me a chance. But to keep everyone safe, I couldn’t be Queen Bee officially anymore. Sabrina heard, but she was still mad, saying that he was playing with my feelings. I should have told her it was ok, that we could still dress up as Scarlet Bug and Catseye and instead of playing, do things to help build morale. Instead, I yelled at her again for not understanding. How is she supposed to understand if I don’t tell her anything? But I can’t because I don’t want Hawkmoth going after her.”

“Tell her that. Tell her that regardless of what you know about Scarlet Bug and Catseye and the rest of the Miraculous team, that the biggest threat is Hawkmoth. The guy is good at getting into people’s emotions, who’s to say he can’t get into their minds? You don’t want her to go through that. She’ll understand you’re trying to protect her. You should also let her know that you feel bad about what you did. You do feel bad about it, don’t you??”

“Of course, I do! But what good will telling her that do?” Chloe retorted, angrily.

Adrien shrugged, giving her a wry smile. “You can’t make her forgive you. But if she knows you’re sorry and knows that all of this was to protect her, she might be willing to forgive you. You messed up Chloe, but you’re trying to do better. Isn’t at least trying, something a hero would do?”

Chloe scoffed, rolling her eyes. “God, are you always like this?”

“Just imagine, if mama has to move and I move in with you, you’ll have to put up with me like this all the time.”

Giving him a mild glare, she swung her legs off the lounge chair, fixing herself. “Well, here’s hoping daddy isn’t an idiot and makes her stay. I’m going to my room. Try not to get caught.”

“Bored of us already?” Adrien asked, getting up as Chloe headed towards the elevator.

“I have private phone calls to make, thank you very much.” The doors opened and Chloe stepped on, already back to herself as she crossed her arms and cocked out a hip. “Rossi? Thanks.”

Adrien couldn’t respond as the doors closed but he smiled to himself. Chloe really was trying and he hoped Sabrina understood that. He hoped having to keep quiet about the note wouldn’t haunt Chloe forever. He still had no clue what would happen if they gave him a Miraculous and he had to leave. It was concerning though, how whatever allowed Hawkmoth to make multiple akumas had reappeared to get to the Bee Miraculous. He hoped whatever it was, the two heroes could beat it, or at least had a plan in place.

“Hey girls! Think we can sneak out and grab ice cream?”

                                          _____________________

“Come my dear, aren’t you mad that Scarlet Bug and Catseye don’t trust you? Regardless if I know who Queen Bee is, you’re a good hero. But they don’t appreciate that do they?”

Chloe took the smallest step away. She didn’t want to show fear to the man in front of her, the man responsible for her parents being pink floating heads right now, but it was Hawkmoth. Since he showed his face on Hero Day, people came up with nicknames to make him seem less terrifying. But regardless of how much you called a person ‘condom head’, when they had the ability to twist your emotions and focus on the worst parts of it, you got scared when they appeared in front of you.

“When your friend was akumatized, they just left you in the dust.”

But they didn’t. She was the one to blame for what happened to Sabrina. The letter that had been left on her bed with the box, she kept it a secret. but she didn’t give Sabrina a clear reason for why she retired her Queen Bee light and why she wasn’t upset when they didn’t come to get her. The red-haired girl was just being a good friend, being mad at the heroes for her. But she snapped, letting her old habits get the better of her. She didn’t even understand how the heroes gave her another chance, with the Ladybug Miraculous of all things. Not just once, but twice! She wanted to tell her best friend but she couldn’t make the same mistake as before. As such, she reacted badly and Sabrina was akumatized again. She helped stop her by helping Scarlet Bug figure out what his Lucky Charm was for and she listened as he told her that being Queen Bee was dangerous, not only for her but for them. He'd given her a hidden wink and she knew it was mostly for show. They still trusted her. She might never get the chance to meet Pollen again, but she could be trusted with another Miraculous.

“All I ask is for one little favour. Something that will help you get back at Scarlet Bug and Catseye and every other hero they called for help. I need you to find the Guardian of the Miraculous. You’re strong, strong to throw my akuma. With the rest of the Miraculous at your disposal, you’ll be unstoppable.”

“Chloe, are you still there? What's happening?” Sabina’s concerned voice asked from the other end of the line.

Chloe shuffled back further. She came down to her room to call Sabrina and did what Adrien told her. She even opened up more, telling her how she felt with all the memories of things she caused hanging over her head. Sabrina, the kind person she was, accepted her apology and listened to Chloe talk, telling her things would be ok and she could work to earn forgiveness if she thought it would help. They were interrupted by the Akuma Warning and then she saw them, her parents.

She’d come up to her patio, trying to catch a glimpse of where her parents went, also hoping to see spotted red or green and black. Her fear over her parents ran through her mind when she heard something land behind her. She turned around, and there he was, all shaded in red.

“Your mother’s anger and your father’s anguish at a decaying relationship are quite powerful and they could make a mess for days. If you want them out, I’m going to need your help, Chloe Bourgeois. You can even get back at Scarlet Bug and Catseye for disrespecting you.”

“Chloe!” Sabrina yelled, snapping her back into the present. Hawkmoth stood there, smirking. She was surprised that he hadn’t done anything about the phone in her hand. It got wider as she lifted it back to her ear.

“Sabrina, I need to call you back. Mother is screaming about not having enough rosettes on the cake. I meant what I said, ok?”

“Ok.”

She hung up once Sabrina answered and dropped the phone on the ground.

“Smart girl. I didn’t remember seeing a cake in the ballroom.” Hawkmoth mused.

“Daddy ordered it as a surprise. He likes having their wedding cake remade as a present. Why should I help you anyway? Scarlet Bug and Catseye would totally have time to beat my parents before I agree.” She asked.

Hawkmoth let out a chuckle, spinning his cane. “Oh, but you see, I won’t let that happen. In case you don’t remember, this isn’t my normal colour. I’ve got help from a little friend again. She was the one responsible for the akumas on Hero Day. All those Akumas all at once? Childs play and I can do it again. I’ll keep those heroes so busy, going after your parents will be the least of their problems. So, tell me dear, do you care about your parents enough to keep the heroes from getting exhausted?”

Chloe’s mind raced in attempts to think of something, anything that could help or stop him. She wasn’t a hero at the moment, so she didn’t have the reflexes to rip the butterfly brooch from his neck. Could she even though? To gain the extra power he had, was it a Miraculous or the effects of an akuma? Answers were looking dim and she couldn’t think of another way. She just hoped Sabrina remembered the code word.

“Remove the akuma from them first. And you don’t go after anyone else, just me.”

Looking victorious, Hawkmoth pointed his cane in the direction of the akuma and with a sharp gesture, there was a burst of light and everything was quiet again. She tensed seeing the red akuma flying towards her, closing her eyes once it got closer. She felt the darkness of akumatization take over her and she thought about the time she resisted the akuma. She was in a bubble of light and had pushed it outward, destroying the darkness that was trying to consume her. She held onto that image as the connection was established.

“Mistress Locality, you now have the ability to locate any nearby Miraculous. Normally I’d ask for you to locate the Cat and Ladybug Miraculous, but I want to know where the rest of them are. The Guardian who holds them can’t be far from them.”

When Chloe opened her eyes, she was looking out of what felt like spy binoculars. Looking at Hawkmoth told her a Miraculous was in front of her. It didn’t say which, just that there was one. Turning and seeing a swarm of ladybugs flying around, told her that two more Miraculous were not far from where her parents had last been. One of the Miraculous was heading in her direction.

Or the direction the akuma had gone.

Knowing she had to move quickly, she continued looking until she saw it. At the park not far from school, near the carousel was a host of tells.

“Well? I can feel something from you.”

She just hoped Scarlet Bug was fast enough.

“In the park, by the carousel. There’s a lot there.”

“At last!” Hawkmoth cried.

“Now let me go!” she ordered.

Hawkmoth’s gleeful smirk turned dark. “And why would I do that? You’re coming with me my dear.”

The darkness started to press down on her. She couldn’t let him win; she couldn’t be the reason he won. For god sakes, Scarlet Bug trusted her! He told her to be a hero without the Bee Miraculous and even if she didn’t end up with another one, she was still going to prove she was one.

“I said, let me go!” she cried, pushing her bubble out. She felt the disconnection and suddenly she was free.

Hawkmoth looked surprised before his face contorted angrily. She scrambled to back away as he lifted his cane to strike her.

“You little…!”

She let out a scream before she felt an arm grab her from around her waist and pull. The sound of a tightening cord, a sound she was very familiar with filled her ears as she went flying. The other arm wrapped around her to keep her body steady as they landed.

“I’m sorry!” she sputtered out, when she turned and saw the concerned look on Scarlet Bug’s face. “I’m sorry, I messed up. I had to. You need, you need-”

Gripping her arms tightly, Scarlet Bug leaned down so he was eye level. “Hey, hey. Chloe, it’s ok. You’re ok. He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

Mind scrambled, she shook her head. “No! No, he akumatized me, in place of my parents. But I messed up. He wanted me to find Miraculous. He gave me the power to do that. I didn’t want to but he could tell. You need to get to the park, the one with the carousel. There’s a bunch there. He was talking about a Guardian. I just sent him straight to them. I’m sorry!” tears started to pour out of her eyes as everything that just happened hit her. “I got him out, I resisted but I still told him.”

“Hey, hey. Come on sit.” Scarlet Bug ordered, holding tighter when Chloe’s legs gave out from under her. He guided her to the rooftop they were standing on, kneeling in front of her. “What do you mean you resisted? Chloe, did you throw off the akuma in the middle of being akumatized?”

“Yeah,” she answered shakily. Her mascara that she managed to save earlier was starting to run with her tears. “Before, when Sabrina was akumatized, it was supposed to be me. I was mad at myself for the fight and frustrated at you guys a little but I didn’t want him finding out about the note, so I resisted before he could akumatize me. Why does this matter? There’s a lot of Miraculous in the park about to be captured. You need to go now! He has help from whatever helped him on Hero Day.”

“You’re saying the Guardian has the Miraculous in the park? All of them?”

“Maybe? There was a lot.”

Earring beeping, Scarlet Bug picked up Chole and got them to the streets. He sat her at a chair outside a restaurant and kneeled down again. “Chloe, listen to me. You didn’t mess up, ok? You did very well keeping him occupied until I could get to you. We’ll take care of this, ok? You didn’t mess up.”

Nodding, she watched the spotted hero get up and jump off to the rooftops. Hearing noise in the restaurant behind her, she let her head drop, not in the mood to deal with people seeing her like this.

“Ma’am? Goodness, Mlle. Bourgeois! Are you alright? Pierre, get some water out here, now! It’s alright Mlle. Bourgeois, you’re safe.”

But was whoever she sent Hawkmoth after safe? Could the heroes of Paris get to them in time?

Police sirens filled the air as a squad car screeched to a halt in front of them and spilled out Sabrina.

“Chloe!”

She couldn’t help it. She burst into tears all over again as Sabrina ran to her, pulling her into a tight hug.

“It’s ok. Chloe, you’re ok.” Sabrina comforted, rubbing a hand up and down her back and on her head. She barely heard Agent Roger speak to whoever came out to check on her.

“You remembered.” She wailed.

“Of course, I did. If you have to hang up or go anywhere suddenly and mention roses and your mother, something’s wrong and I need to find you immediately.” Sabrina recited. “How could I forget? It had been my idea, remember? I got you, ok?”

She did, but what about the Guardian? Did she just make the fight against Hawkmoth that much harder?

                                              _______________

“That little! I can’t believe him! He starts seeing signs of the elders from the temple coming and he decides to run?” Plagg fumed. “After he swore to accept the punishment? I knew we shouldn’t have trusted him!”

“Plagg stop. If you get any angrier, you’re going to set off your powers.” Tikki warned. She looked at Luka, who was staring at the letter Fu had left. They tried to avoid this happening, and had done so much to prevent this, but somehow it all began to happen again.

After the quickest break to stuff her mouth full of cookies, Tikki transformed Luka. She was a god, THE god of creation, so she never needed to pray. But she understood why people did it. By the time he’d gotten in contact with Juleka and reached the park, he watched Fu place himself in Shell-ter. The other akuma was there, Catalyst her name was. Plagg said it had to be Nathalie. She was no Mayura but trying to fight against her and Hawkmoth was just as tough. Unlike the last time where Chloe exposed the holders and had them fight while she held onto the box, it turned into a demented game of hot potato to keep it from the villains. It got even worse when no one was able to grab it, too busy fighting the other, that it fell to the ground and a few fell out. Hawkmoth sent akuma to grab it while Catseye jumped after them. She used Black Hole to create an opening and sent the Miraculous and the box into the Shell-ter.

Later, Juleka would call herself stupid for not using it to give the Master a way to escape the fight. Instead, it meant they then had to defend the cracking defence from attacks. Tikki wished she knew what was running though his mind just then, watching two teenagers he entrusted powerful objects to defend him, even when they knew the extent of his mistakes and weren’t going to let him escape them.

He’d picked up Pollen’s hairclip and she was left to relay his message.

“He let his fears take him over and, in the process, allowed himself to be caught. He meant to keep his promise but to keep the box safe, the one thing he swore he’d do, he had to make the biggest sacrifice. He said that you’d be able to talk to the Guardians once they came.” Pollen sadly told Luka.

“I, Wang Fu, hereby relinquish the Miracle Box, and name Scarlet Bug the new Guardian!”

In a bright light, where Hawkmoth and Catalyst decided to take their leave, Luka was left with a box. The wood was red and the design of the Guardians was now drawn in green, the buttons black and white scuffing throughout. The colours of Scarlet Bug and Catseye. Fu had lost his memory and not even a Miraculous Reset could do anything. But he did still recognise the keychain, which sent the siblings to Gare du Nord train station and their locker room. Resting on the gramophone was a letter.

It was different from the one Marinette had gotten in that timeline. Instead of unhelpful words about accepting loss and nothing about the duty she was suddenly given, Fu explained that he’d gotten scared, seeing hints of the Guardians. But he wasn’t going to leave. He couldn’t, not after he promised to do better. He just needed a moment to breathe but not wanting to be without the Miraculous, his first friends, he’d taken them with him. He said even as he was writing it, that it felt like things would change. That if it were up to him, either of them would make great Guardians, Luka especially with his way of understanding emotion. He wrote how he had never wanted to put them in a position where he had to force that upon them, not knowing how it would affect their life. But he said if he was ever to do that before the Guardians arrived, they could get answers. They were stubborn and didn’t back down. they’d be ok.

Tikki didn’t know if they would. It was different this time, Luka having support from the get go but with Adrien’s living situation up in the air, being signed to live his dream and just the life of being a teenager, she was worried if he’d crack.

“Hey,” Juleka walked into the room and sat on the floor next to her brother. She played with the Cat Miraculous, staring at it as she spoke. “I got him into the car ok. Took one look at Marieanne and fell in love all over again, so there’s hope there.” The two were quiet, even as Luka let his head rest on his sister’s. “I should have moved him from the battle.”

“There was a chance they’d get the Miraculous in the meantime. It made the most sense. He could have run off with it then.” Luka pointed out, voice even.

“But he looked weak. He could hold up the Shell-ter because he was older but he’s past 100. It had to be taxing on his body.” Juleka remembered.

They’d gone around in circles already. Sighing, Luka leaned harder. “There’s a spell mentioned in the Grimoire. How to pass the box on without losing your memory.”

“But it’s a last resort!” Tikki cried, the two kwami flying over. “We’d have to be 100% sure it’s safe to use.”

“Why?” Juleka asked, feeling out of loop.

“It said if the Guardian who used the spell was to ever use a Miraculous, well, they used flowery language, but they basically die.”

“Right, so guess we won’t do that. What do we do though? Should we still give Chloe a Miraculous? Do we switch as extra security?” Juleka asked, moving from under her brother to look at him. Luka instead leaned on his bed looking tired.

“She resisted an akuma, twice. It would be wrong to not give her another chance. Besides, he never figured it was her with the Ladybug. Unless he knows about the letter, he wouldn’t expect us to give her one. Changing Miraculous…it might be smart. He’s going to want to find out who I am and going after the team would be the best way to but if you change suddenly, he’ll have to try harder.”

“So, Adrien gets the Cat, Turtle to Marc, Bee to Nathaniel, and Chloe the Fox. We still need to figure out a new Miraculous for Alya and Nino” Juleka called off.

“But Adrien might be leaving.” Luka remembered. He looked at the ring he wore, the sun making him think of his boyfriend’s smile. He sat up, stuffing the letter into his pocket and got up.

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know if the spell will work and let me keep my memories or if I’m going to be forced to lose everything but, I am not going to let the knowledge of that keep me from living. I love Adrien and if he ends up leaving, I want him to know I want to try long distance. So even if I do lose my memory, when I see him again, I fall in love all over.” Luka left the room, Tikki flying after him, calling to wait for her.

“Huh.” Plagg hummed, watching Luka leave. To know Luka was willing to try, even in the face of everything for Adrien, he felt comforted that his favourite kitten was still so cherished. He looked at Juleka and knew regardless of what happened with Luka, losing her was going to hurt just as much. “Hey Blacky? Can we share cheese?”

“Share cheese? That’s new.” Juleka said, confused.

“Yeah well, I’m about to lose you to Rooar who likes you a lot and I just don’t want you to forget who loved you first.”

Juleka scooped him up and held him close to her cheek. “I won’t forget at all. Plagg, you’re the one who helped me realize my confidence, helped me be free of my anxiety for the first time in a long time. I won’t ever forget that.”

                                    _____________________

The bells from Andre’s cart rang in the wind, giving Adrien something to listen to as he stared at the sky. After he, Kagami and Marinette managed to get outside and find Andre, Heart Eater attacked. He’d gotten separated from the girls but thanks to Alya – who no doubt went rushing right in with Nino calling after her – he’d seen Scarlet Bug, Catseye and Ryuko fight the akuma, which managed to suddenly disappear. Then there’s been sightings of Hawkmoth in the park near school. Something had happened, with a great burst of light Adrien saw, but no one knew. During that time, Luka was unreachable and he hadn’t responded to any communication.

Not long ago, he’d called Adrien asking him to meet. So here he sat, waiting for Luka to arrive. His mother promised to have an answer after work, so he had no updates like he hoped.

“Adrien!”

Looking over, he saw Luka running towards him. He got up, meeting Luka in the middle as the older teen hugged him close. This hug was tight, like Adrien was going to slip away. He wished he could tell Luka he wasn’t going anywhere.

Once they were sitting facing each other, Adrien took Luka’s hands. “What happened? I called but you didn’t pick up.”

“I was dealing with something. The long and short of it is, thanks to my…grandfather not keeping to his promises, I’m now in charge of dealing with something I wasn’t at all prepared for. I mean, I guess I kinda started the cycle myself because I ended up fixing one of his issues with Juls.” Shaking his head to keep himself from rambling, Luka refocused, “it just means I’m going to be dealing with something that’s gonna be stressful and I might be annoyed and sullen at times but I want you to know I have support and if it gets too much to keep secret, I will tell you.”

“Is this thing legal?” Without context clues, Adrien was confused as to what could be affecting Luka.

Letting out a strained laugh, Luka nodded. “If you can actually believe it, then yes.”

“Does it feel legal?”

“Also, yes. It’s nothing that’s going to get me arrested, just mostly looking after a thing and being in charge of a group. I was fine with that part when I had someone else to defer to but now it’s just me and Juls, so.”

Still feeling a little lost, Adrien looked at their clasped hands, thumb running over the designs of Luka’s ring. “Would it be easier to not be in a relationship right now?”

“No!” Luka stated, tugging on Adrien’s hands so he’d look up. “Trust me, that is the last thing I want. Look, I have no clue what this thing is going to do to my life, but I refuse to let it dictate everything I do. Adrien, I love you and I get that we haven’t been together long enough for me to say that, but I mean it. If you do end up moving, I want us to at least try long distance because I like you way too much for us to just go our separate ways unless it’s our choice.”

Heart pounding, face red and feeling tingly all over, Adrien felt like he was going to faint and start floating all at once. “I…”

“You don’t have to say it back, I’m not rushing you for an answer. I just hope you’ll agree to the distance?”

Unable to form words because it felt like too many were going to spill out, he nodded, squeezing Luka’s hands tight. Any romantic relationship usually ended when he moved because it never felt like they were on the same page and with Luka it felt like everything made sense. Because as crazy as it sounded, he wanted to do it, do long distance for as long as they could bear. He felt like if they were to split later down the line, it wouldn’t be in anger and tears and hurt. It would hurt, god it would, but it would be something they’d agree on. Unable to help himself, he put his hands onto Luka’s neck and pulled him into a long kiss.

“It’s probably a good thing we weren’t together during the Heart Eater attack.” Luka said against his lips, his own hands holding onto Adrien’s waist. “We would have gotten snatched up right away.”

Adrien was tempted to remind him of Heart Eater’s actual power but Luka kissed him again and thought escaped. If he had to leave this, it was going to hurt.

Somehow, he left and got back home, finding his mother there earlier than anticipated. She let him go drop his things off in his room where he stopped at the sight of a very familiar box.

We heard you might be leaving us and honestly, we need help confusing Hawkmoth, so feel free to use Plagg tonight. He’ll be gone in the morning, so be careful and have fun.

Adrien hid both the new note and the box under his pillow and went back to his mom, sitting on the couch in breathless anticipation.

“So?” Adrien asked anxiously.

“So, the ambassador called everyone into a meeting to do reassignments. Some are leaving and some are staying. Then he got to me.” His mother said. “Ready?”

“Mama, just tell me!” he begged.

“Well…”

                                 __________________________

Cat Walker had a put together look, like the cat part was a second thought. This cat was different. Fingerless gloves, leather, real tail and ears and the sound of a cat’s bell ringing through the night. Cat Walker made Adrien feel a certain type of freedom but this new cat, one he needed a name for felt different. Like everything bad was finally behind him and he was a new person. The sound of an extending pole shot through the night as it launched Adrien into the air, where he landed on one of the taller pieces of the Eiffel Tower. Looking down at the sparkling nightlife, all the emotions of freedom, love, happiness exploded from him as he cried into the night.

“WE’RE STAYING!”

They were staying in Paris. It was set for his mother to stay for a full year, with the possibility of staying longer depending on how long Hawkmoth attacked Paris. While he didn’t love the idea of Hawkmoth still attacking, he got to stay. Plagg had gotten excited when he opened the box and blurted it out.

“I can stay with you then! We need to go now, Ladybird is gonna wanna hear this!”

“Ladybird?” he asked, remembering the name given to whomever used the Ladybug Miraculous in place of Scarlet Bug.

“Scarlet? Anyway, most I can say right now is that fight that happened, we need to switch things around to keep everyone safe.”

Adrien furrowed his brow, the excitement simmering down. “But what about Catseye?”

“Don’t worry. Blacky is being well looked after by another kwami. Relax, they made this decision ages ago when planning for something like this. Come on kitten, don’t leave me all by myself.” Plagg begged.

He was sure he should be worried. Plagg just essentially told him Adrien was his new holder. He should be asking questions but an idea came to mind and he had to do it.

“Where do you think Scarlet Bug would be?”

“On patrol. Why?”

“I just have the urge to scream from the rooftops. Plagg, Claws Out!”

He was sure he owed Plagg whatever he wanted after this. Now that he’d done the thing he wanted, he needed to find Scarlet Bug. He leapt off the Eiffel Tower, launching himself to a nearby roof. Adrien would never say he felt stifled in his life as a diplomate kid. Yes, there were times he had to bite his tongue with people around him or he ran away to keep his sanity, but he’d never say he lacked the freedom to do what he wanted. But this, this was different. Maybe it was the knowledge of what having this Miraculous meant in combination with his news, but he’d never felt freer. As Cat Walker, it was a mild feeling that felt familiar. But as this new hero, jumping across the Parisian rooftops, the familiar feeling seemed to burst forth, leaving him more exalted than before. It wasn’t him running from his problems, it was feeling like he could tackle anything. This felt like the ultimate freedom, a feeling that could never be replicated. 

He’d closed his eyes to take in the feeling and then immediately went crashing into something. He felt himself tumble through the air, spinning with no control before landing on - thankfully - a flat roof. Well, Adrien landed on something that wasn’t the roof, which was perfect, since his new costume involved a crop top inspired by Black Lynx.

“I’m so sor - oh mio dio, Scarlet Bug! I’m so sorry!”

Of course, he crashed into one of Paris’ heroes. Because why not? He laid there, groaning in pain. Adrien also noticed his costume was a bit different. His big jacket was replaced with a sleeveless one with inverted colours, hands covered with mismatched gloves. Unlike before when he’d keep his hood up, it was down, exposing his hair half tied back. His snake bites were still there, reminding him of Luka’s. Adrien climbed off of him, noticing that his boots had a stripe of green around the top.

“You changed your look,” he said, hoping to distract him from the pain.

“Well, we’re making a lot of changes, so thought why not? When I said have fun with Plagg, I didn't mean crashing into things.” Blue eyes squinted at him as the spotted hero turned his head to him.

With an awkward and apologetic smile, Adrien shrugged. “I got a little distracted. Kinda forgot how much I enjoyed jumping across town, especially since there isn’t an akuma.”

“If Hawkmoth actually created one now, I might actually take a blunt object to his head.” Scarlet complained, pushing himself up slowly. He cracked his back, groaning before looking at Adrien, that same smile he had on his face the first time he met growing. “Missed Plagg huh?”

“Yeah. I did. I’m surprised you’re letting me hold onto him. What happened in that second fight?”

“Let’s just say, Hawkmoth won a small piece of the battle. I can’t give you too much detail just for your protection since Plagg will be coming back tomorrow.”

“Oh!” Adrien cried, clapping his hands. “He doesn’t actually! I’m not moving, I get to stay in Paris.”

Scarlet blinked at him, surprised then tried to bite down a smile. He didn’t know Scarlet thought he was that good a replacement. “That’s amazing to hear. Plagg must be happy. He likes Catseye, but he seems to be pretty fond of you. I see you even changed yourself.”

“Yeah,” Adrien said, looking down at his new costume, before looking back at the hero with a massive smile on his face. “This felt more like me. Seriously, thank you for doing this. I’m going to do my best to be the best Cat holder and support you.”

“It won’t be just you, but thanks. Your job is going to be harder than others, but I know you’re capable of doing it.” Scarlet Bug replied confidently.

He would. He would hold pride and do right by the people and things that made him feel this free. Hawkmoth wasn’t going to know what hit him.

[flusteredmoonn]

the tortured poets department tracklist

now playing; the tortured poets department tracklist... — in which flusteredmoonn details the inspiration for each of the songs within the tortured poets department album.

"i love you..."

fortnight, r.b. "i was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me" in which regulus falls for someone who is less than pureblooded, and his parents discover he's hiding something.

the tortured poets department, j.p. "sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me," in which after years of james pining after lily, he finally falls for someone else.

my boy only breaks his favourite toys, s.b. "but you should have seen him when he first saw me," in which he goes from a renowned player, to realising his feelings for her, yet she doesn't quite believe him.

down bad, r.l. "everything comes out, teenage petulance," in which remus doesn't realise how caught up he is in searching for a cure.

so long, london, s.b. "i left all i knew, you left me at the house by the heath" in which sirius and a girl from beauxbatons academy fall for one another in a romance with a timer on it.

but daddy i love him, j.p. "there's a lot of people in town that i bestow upon my fakest smile," in which people question her choice to go out with one of the most popular boys from gryffindor house, but they aren't privy to the private moments between them.

fresh out the slammer, s.b. "but it's gonna be alright, i did my time" in which their relationship ends on a horrific note, and they are unsure whether to revisit it after they heal.

florida!!! r.l. "florida, go on, fuck me up" in which she dares him to share the things which weigh on him, at the promise that she wont pull away.

guilty as sin? r.b. "i dream of cracking locks, throwing my life to the wolves," in which he expresses to her his desire to be seen by his brother, whilst battling with decisions pressured by his marriage.

who's afraid of little old me? j.p. "don't you worry folks, we took out all her teeth,," in which he falls for the opposition, both intimidated and attracted to how fierce she truly is.

i can fix him (no really, i can), r.l. "and your good lord doesn't need to lift a finger, i can fix him no really i can," in which she decides that she can change the casanova of gryffinor tower from his womanizing ways, and she deos.

loml, r.b. "who's gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flame, when we know the steps anyway," in which they were once promised to one another as children, but their life leads them on different paths, until they meet again.

i can do it with a broken heart, j.p. "cause i'm miserable, and no one even knows," in which he hides how much he's truly suffering from the coninuous rejection from lily, until he drunkenly opens up one night.

the smallest man who ever lived, r.l. "and i'll forget you, but i''ll never forgive,," in which sirius receives a howler from his parents, rather embarrassingly, in front of the person he's only just gotten into a relationship with.

the alchemy, j.p. "where's the trophy, he just comes running over to me," in which he wins a game of quidditch and he celebrates by publicising their relationshio.

clara bow, r.b. "you look like taylor swift...you've got edge, she never did," in which he is continuously measured up to the impression his older brother made on his teachers, until the girl he's seeing shows him that he can be his own person.

"...it's ruining my life"

[see-arcane]

Lord Ruthven, the Unbeaten Vampire Bastard Who Spread Misery and Murder Long Before Dracula Ever Left the Castle

A while ago I talked about my favorite underappreciated vampire babe, Clarimonde, who is well overdue for a modern day debut. But now I want to shed a little light on a gentleman of wealth and bad taste that some vampire lit fans may have come across while deep-diving through the old stories. Specifically, the grandaddy of all psychologically torturous, enigmatic, undiluted evil undead villains, Lord Ruthven.

Ruthven is the masterfully malevolent antagonist of John William Polidori’s short story, “The Vampyre,” published in 1819. He technically had his pre-publishing literary birthday in the same period as Mary Shelley’s, Frankenstein, as he was a product of the infamous challenge made by Lord Byron in the Villa Diodati to pass the time, urging his scribbling companions to write the scariest story they could. That was back in the summer of 1816, so hey, happy birthday to you, you old Nosferasshole!

Now, who is Lord Ruthven?

Spoilers for, “The Vampyre,” below

We’re introduced to him on the very first page like so:

It happened that in the midst of the dissipations attendant upon a London winter, there appeared at the various parties of the leaders of the ton a nobleman, more remarkable for his singularities, than his rank. He gazed upon the mirth around him, as if he could not participate therein. Apparently, the light laughter of the fair only attracted his attention, that he might by a look quell it, and throw fear into those breasts where thoughtlessness reigned. Those who felt this sensation of awe, could not explain whence it arose: some attributed it to the dead grey eye, which, fixing upon the object's face, did not seem to penetrate, and at one glance to pierce through to the inward workings of the heart; but fell upon the cheek with a leaden ray that weighed upon the skin it could not pass.

His peculiarities caused him to be invited to every house; all wished to see him, and those who had been accustomed to violent excitement, and now felt the weight of ennui, were pleased at having something in their presence capable of engaging their attention. In spite of the deadly hue of his face, which never gained a warmer tint, either from the blush of modesty, or from the strong emotion of passion, though its form and outline were beautiful, many of the female hunters after notoriety attempted to win his attentions, and gain, at least, some marks of what they might term affection: Lady Mercer, who had been the mockery of every monster shewn in drawing-rooms since her marriage, threw herself in his way, and did all but put on the dress of a mountebank, to attract his notice—though in vain—when she stood before him, though his eyes were apparently fixed upon hers, still it seemed as if they were unperceived;—even her unappalled impudence was baffled, and she left the field.

But though the common adulteress could not influence even the guidance of his eyes, it was not that the female sex was indifferent to him: yet such was the apparent caution with which he spoke to the virtuous wife and innocent daughter, that few knew he ever addressed himself to females. He had, however, the reputation of a winning tongue; and whether it was that it even overcame the dread of his singular character, or that they were moved by his apparent hatred of vice, he was as often among those females who form the boast of their sex from their domestic virtues, as among those who sully it by their vices.

Lord Ruthven: What’s up, I’m pretty, I hate you all, my goal in life is to ruin any and all happiness happening near me, thirsty chicks DNI, sinners ditto, y’all got any virtuous ladies around here? Asking for non-nefarious purposes, honest

The well-to-do of London, apparently: Guys, guys, check out this sexy well-spoken goth we found, he makes us miserable, we love him

Following this, we’re introduced to the protagonist, a well-off young man named Aubrey who is, the narrative points out, a wee bit sheltered due to a lot of soft living, general naivete, and a big mushy Romantic’s heart about things like honor and art and so on. He meets Lord Ruthven. He becomes fascinated by his character. One line in particular spells out his mistake perfectly:

—allowing his imagination to picture everything that flattered its propensity to extravagant ideas, he soon formed this object into the hero of a romance, and determined to observe the offspring of his fancy, rather than the person before him.

The young man attaches himself to Ruthven like a puppy, even going out of his way to schedule his traveling to time itself with Ruthven’s own plans to move on.

Aubrey: Hey, buddy! :) I just happened to overhear you were going to do some traveling! :) So am I! :) What a coincidence! :) Would be super awesome not to go alone, though, being my first time really out and about, with no learned and mysterious handsome older gentleman to wander around with, ha ha! :)

Lord Ruthven:

Aubrey: :)

Lord Ruthven: …Would you like to join m—

Aubrey, already dragging his luggage: YesYeahSureIfYouInsist

So off they go, enjoying the tourist spots. Aubrey just wishes Ruthven was more interested in, you know, the vacation aspect versus abjectly, almost supernaturally, casting ruin upon everyone he comes in contact with. In true Devil-in-All-But-Name fashion, Ruthven has a habit of turning every interaction with others into one resulting in an act of cruelty. One of the most interesting points is the way he gambles.

Namely, if he’s in a game with some lout who will only use his gains to sink deeper into personal vices, he always loses, with great sums and not a tear shed. If he enters a game with a desperate player whose every cent is precious, needed for their life and the well-being of loved ones, the tables being a last recourse between themselves and destitution? Ruthven wins. Every time.

The rule holds the same when he gives out charity as plain old alms. Desperate and good and simply an unfortunate trying to get by or get a leg up? Fuck off. Begging for money to feed a wretched and self-destructive habit? He empties his pockets. Reading this, it could just be taken for an ordinary combo of skill and sadism, or a manner of psychic vampirism. Either way, our guy is showing his true colors.

Aubrey also discovers what happens to all the virtuous ladies Ruthven appeared to prefer over less scrupulous babes back home. All of them, without fail, fell apart into degeneracy in a way that suggests a total deformation of their former selves. Yeah, we’re going full ‘corruption of the innocent’ here. Dude just needs horns and a pitchfork. So where does the vampire stuff come in? We’re getting there. (Also, note that said degeneracy is later revealed to be him at his tamest when he picks out a nice girl. Not all of them get to live.)

Aubrey, now informed of his traveling companion’s MO and freshly wary for some new sweet girl Ruthven’s been sniffing after, leaves a warning for the targeted family and straight up ditches the guy. He heads to Greece solo. He falls in love with the daughter of a family he stays with, Ianthe, who shares horror stories of the vampire. And their predilection for feasting on young girls.

Guess who gets vamp-murdered, with her cries and a very familiar voice reaching Aubrey’s ear in the night? RIP Ianthe.

Aubrey falls to grief and a fever. While he’s in bed, guess who shows up?

Lord Ruthven: :)

Aubrey: >:(

Lord Ruthven: Sorry about your girlfriend. I was conveniently very far away in Alibi Land when I heard of the tragedy. Want to be friends and travel again?

Aubrey: :)

Obviously there’s more nuance, but Ruthven is very much the absolute king of persuasive wordsmithing (or else is just too handsome to stay creeped out at). They travel some more. Then Lord Ruthven dies.*

*Mostly. Poor Ruthven is shot by robbers and the wound necrotizes over a few days. As he’s near ‘death,’ he forces Aubrey to swear a vow of silence about both his illicit deeds and his being dead to anyone for at least a year and a day from now. A bit Fae in the wording there, Ruthy. So much so that, even after the corpse is laid out under the moonlight as was requested by the dying man, even after Aubrey is well away from the place, every time Aubrey feels the urge to mention something of Ruthven to others—including his sweet younger sister��he senses/hears/is grasped by Ruthven.

“Remember your oath.”

It doesn’t help that, surprise, Lord Ruthven is back in town! Alive! And now courting Aubrey’s own sister! Again, fever and a sort of madness locks down on Aubrey, making him seem wild and incoherent even as he tries to work around the binding power of the oath to warn his sister against marrying the man. The ending scenes should scratch a particular itch when it comes to us folks who have theorized about what fate might have befallen Jonathan Harker if he was counted so loony that he needed protection from himself.

Namely …

Aubrey, when he was left by the physician and his guardians, attempted to bribe the servants, but in vain. He asked for pen and paper; it was given him; he wrote a letter to his sister, conjuring her, as she valued her own happiness, her own honour, and the honour of those now in the grave, who once held her in their arms as their hope and the hope of their house, to delay but for a few hours that marriage, on which he denounced the most heavy curses. The servants promised they would deliver it; but giving it to the physician, he thought it better not to harass any more the mind of Miss Aubrey by, what he considered, the ravings of a maniac. Night passed on without rest to the busy inmates of the house; and Aubrey heard, with a horror that may more easily be conceived than described, the notes of busy preparation.

Morning came, and the sound of carriages broke upon his ear. Aubrey grew almost frantic. The curiosity of the servants at last overcame their vigilance, they gradually stole away, leaving him in the custody of a helpless old woman. He seized the opportunity, with one bound was out of the room, and in a moment found himself in the apartment where all were nearly assembled.

Lord Ruthven was the first to perceive him: he immediately approached, and, taking his arm by force, hurried him from the room, speechless with rage. When on the staircase, Lord Ruthven whispered in his ear—"Remember your oath, and know, if not my bride today, your sister is dishonoured. Women are frail!"

So saying, he pushed him towards his attendants, who, roused by the old woman, had come in search of him. Aubrey could no longer support himself; his rage not finding vent, had broken a blood-vessel, and he was conveyed to bed. This was not mentioned to his sister, who was not present when he entered, as the physician was afraid of agitating her. The marriage was solemnized, and the bride and bridegroom left London.

Aubrey's weakness increased; the effusion of blood produced symptoms of the near approach of death. He desired his sister's guardians might be called, and when the midnight hour had struck, he related composedly what the reader has perused—he died immediately after.

The guardians hastened to protect Miss Aubrey; but when they arrived, it was too late. Lord Ruthven had disappeared, and Aubrey's sister had glutted the thirst of a VAMPYRE!

Yeah.

He gets away with all of it. The absolute fucker.

It honestly stuns me that he doesn’t get any modern mileage, same as Clarimonde. These two are at the perfect polar opposite ends of the vampire spectrum.

Clarimonde = Full Bacchanalia Mode, Baby, Let’s Bang, Let’s Bleed, Let’s Party Like the Church Isn’t Watching (and If They Are, See If I Give a Fuck!)

Lord Ruthven = I Can, Must, and Will Ruin Everything and Everyone in Reach, I’ll Drink Your Girlfriend, I’ll Drink Your Sister, I’ll Blow a Fucking Blood Vessel in Your Brain, Try Me

“The Vampyre,” is available to read on Project Gutenberg (though you have to scroll a bit to pass the introduction), same as Clarimonde’s story, “La Morte Amoureuse.” I sincerely recommend both as prime Classic Vampire © ™ tales that precede the more well-known, “Carmilla,” and Dracula. They deserve more love (or, in Ruthven’s case, more loathing). If we’re heading into some Draculean Old School Vampire Renaissance in the midst of all our Dracula Daily/The Invitation/Last Voyage of the Demeter/Renfield/yes, even Moffat’s wet fart of a Dracula series goings-on, these guys deserve to catch some belated bloodsucker limelight too.

 (Credit to @theskyismadeofpenguins​ for the cropped illustration, the original art is a thing of majesty, it deserves a spot in the MoMA)

[earnestly-endlessly]

I love your fic recs! Do you have any with Protective!Erik?

Protective! Erik is one of my favourite tropes so I have a TON of fics to share with you. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Protective! Erik fic recs

Erik Lehnsherr's Guide to Saving the Universe By Meeting Your Soul-Mate and Falling in Love in Less than 72 Hours – madneto, Pangea

Summary: Army Pilot Erik Lehnsherr is just trying to enjoy his day off when a mostly naked person crashes through the roof of his car. Even more alarming, the strange falling naked person—who goes by Charles Xavier when he's not speaking an ancient dead language—brings tidings of the apparent potential end of the world, and begs Erik to help him put a stop to it.

Well. His mother has been nagging at him to go out and meet new people.

In Sound and Silence – endingthemes

Summary: Erik is assigned to care for the special patient in room 301.

How Not To Meet Your Future Boyfriend – ikeracity

Summary: Erik punches Charles in the face the first time they meet. There isn't anywhere their relationship can go from there but up.

Forgotten – FuryRed

Summary: Charles is having a really bad day. Not only has he woken up in the middle of the afternoon with no idea where he is or how he got there, but when he returns home he’s confronted by a stranger with intense eyes, who insists that he knows Charles rather more intimately than Charles remembers…

Thou Shalt Not Eat Stones – valancysnaith

Summary: Two months after Washington, Raven found Erik in a skeevy motel off the Florida interstate.

“They have Charles, Erik,” she said.

The bedframe shrieked. In the bathroom, the showerhead snapped in half and clattered into the tub.

Demoted – JayPendragon

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a detective-specialist with the NYPD Mutant Tactical Unit, ready to help out where his skills are needed. Or he would be, if he and his partner hadn’t been demoted. For the next four months, he is patrolling the Lenox Hill precinct with Azazel – if he doesn’t die of boredom first. One night they are called in to investigate a potential case of domestic violence, yet the tenant assures them he is both alone and unharmed. However, there is something about this Charles Xavier that compels Erik to follow up.

Warning: Sensitive material, domestic abuse and dubious consent

Watch Your Back – swoopswoop

Summary: Bodyguard AU where Erik is overly protective and things aren't as simple as they seem.

If We Met Differently – swoopswoop

Summary: Erik wasn't the only mutant 'taken in' by Shaw, Erik learns this the hard way when a new mutant is dropped into his cell. They manage to escape together, but things aren't all roses after that. Erik has a score to settle and needs to make sure Charles is safe.

The Color of Love (Character Swap Remix) – BadLuckBlueEyes

Summary: Nobody sees in color until they meet their soulmates. When your soulmate dies, your vision returns to black and white. What happens when your soulmate only dies for a few minutes?

Omega Online – miss_aphelion

Summary: Newly imprinted Charles is having trouble dealing with his overly protective alpha—so in desperation he seeks advice in an omega chat room. Emma Frost is more than happy to help, Raven isn't helping at all, and Erik can't stand to be out of touch with Charles for more than five minutes at a time.

Cannot be Contained in Words – wallhaditcoming (uvcatastrophe) 

Summary: Crime syndicate head Erik Lehnsherr travels to London on business, where he meets oxford student Charles Xavier. Their liaison spawns into a years long transatlantic affair, kept apart by Erik's work and Charles' studies,which Erik chronicles in photographs. When distance ceases to be an issue after four long years, the overlap between Charles' past and Erik's work create a whole new set of complications.

A Pertinent Reminder – ikeracity, Pangea

Summary: Sometimes it's easy to forget that getting involved in Erik's mob business isn't all fine dining and sex on yachts. There's nothing like taking a couple of bullets to remind Charles of the reality.

Part 3 of the Associates series

A Dangerous Game – ikeracity, pangea

Summary: When a familiar enemy of Erik's returns to the city for some old-fashioned revenge, Charles is sucked deeper into the world of the mob than ever before.

Part 6 of the Associates series

You don’t choose the thug life (except when you do) – Anonymous

Summary: Charles is kidnapped and discovers that Erik, the Alpha he has been dating for the past few months and is head-over-heels for, is not just a wealthy businessman but actually the head of a syndicate.

He is rather unhappy about this discovery and Erik gets an earful for lying to him. Then Charles is kidnapped again and really, he hopes mating Erik won't result in weekly kidnapping because he has a thesis to finish and papers to grade.

Marrying a Mob – Ook

Summary: Charles is a teacher at a very exclusive school. When armed men burst in on the trail of two children, of course he stands up to them and gets hurt. The children are Erik Lehnsherr's children (of course); a "prominent businessman" or, less politely, "mobster".

Erik is grateful to Charles for saving his children's lives at the cost of his kneecap. So very grateful.

Naturally he tries to reward Charles for his actions. Equally naturally, Charles will be having none of that.

Azazel finds the whole thing unspeakably hilarious. Naturally.

Rumor Has It – blueink3

Summary: "Did I hear the doorbell earlier?"

"Yeah, but I'd steer clear if I were you. It seemed a little tense. I don't know what's going on, but there's a kid out there who looks freakily like the prof."

Nearly six months after Cuba, Charles' life is turned upside down for the second time. Though he's slowly learning to adapt to the first, he's not sure he can handle the second. Luckily for him, there are a few people out there more than willing to help.

Forward Momentum – AsYouWish

Summary: Six months after Cuba, Charles and Erik find themselves thrown fifty years into the future, where they meet their older selves, the Avengers, and a world that's very different from their own. Faced with the pieces of their broken relationship, an unparalleled adversary, and dealing with Tony Stark on a daily basis, Charles and Erik do their best to adapt while trying to find a way back home -- and to each other.

Runs in the Family – Anonysquirrel (chibirisuchan)

Summary: Alex knew his own reputation. Hell, he'd started some of his own reputation, because it kept some of the smarter thugs off his back. Everyone knew Alex's reputation. There was no way Hank didn't know his reputation, but he'd brought Alex into a house with some really expensive things and a lot of innocent little kids and his too-friendly, too-harmless dad.

But clearly Hank hadn't told his family anything about Alex, just like he hadn't told Alex anything about his family. At least, not about the brain-breaking parts of his family.

"I didn't know where to start," Hank said, for the dozenth time.

Featuring mpreg!Charles in a Kiss The Cook apron, overprotective!Erik in wet black leather, and baked goods. Lots and lots of baked goods.

Round the Corner Waiting – swoopswoop

Summary: When things go so spectacularly wrong during a relationship, Charles - now a single dad - almost makes a big mistake, only to be stopped by a mysterious man who just might turn his life back around.

Hide Your Fires – swoopswoop

Summary: As the sole heir, Prince Charles, had no problem with the roles and responsibility that would come with ruling a kingdom. Though he was the only one who did not see a problem. After years of being shuttled back and forth between kingdoms, his Regent hoping he would find a match more suitable to being King, he is finally sent to Genosha. Though the path has never been less clear than the one to a foreign kingdom with no ties to his native land.

Shaw’s Captive – swoopswoop

Summary: Magneto killed Shaw, it had to be done for the sake of mutant-kind but what he wasn't expecting to find hidden deep with Shaw's complex was a man held captive, obviously tortured, that somehow made Magneto turn into Erik.

Erik now has a potential human in his citadel as he continues the war with the human's.

Mind’s Eye Blind – Sperare 

Summary: As far as Erik is concerned, if you want to scare a person into talking, you have to present him with something more compelling than what he stands to lose...

And there is nothing in the world more compelling than Charles.

Chipped – Rosawyn 

Summary: Magneto's fledgling Brotherhood find Charles Xavier in a mutations research lab as an apparently willing subject for an experimental suppression device.

Okay, I Feel Better Now – Harleydoll

Summary: The AU in which Erik is sent to a mental health facility after being convicted for Shaw's murder and pleads insanity, and Charles is his paranoid schizophrenic of a roommate. Powers, Hellfire conspiracies, protective!Erik, and of course the inevitable angst.

Five Nights in Nuremberg – FuryRed

Summary: When Charles escapes from the mutant prison he has been held in for the last two years he knows that he’s going to need help to avoid being recaptured.

What he doesn’t expect is that help will come in the form of a mysterious German man who rescues Charles and takes him to his home; a handsome stranger who, frustratingly, doesn’t speak a single word of English…

Five Bullet Points – Sperare

Summary: It was supposed to be Erik locked away in a prison one hundred stories below the ground.

Charles was never supposed to be there with him.

Notes: Unfinished but an excellent read. Highly recommend it.

Stolen – ishipitsobad

Summary: Erik is a miserable, grumpy, cantankerous bastard, and he has every fucking right to be. He drew the short end of the stick when he got the Underworld as his domain, and there isn't very much fun to be had in judging and governing dead souls who would rather be anywhere else but with Erik in the depths of Hell.

So when he meets Charles, brilliant and lovely Charles who is more popularly known amongst the mortals as Persephone, and feels the promise of something wonderful that could make his eternally doomed existence infinitely more bearable... you can bet all your drachmas Erik's not going to let Charles go any fucking time soon.

My Barbaric Darling – baehj2915

Summary: Erik is revivified caveman. Charles is the anthropologist(?) taking care of him. This is as ridiculous as it sounds. Romcom misunderstandings and prehistoric wooing ensues.

Swimming with Sharks – Not_You

Summary: Erik used to be a shark. Now he's not, and has to figure out how to be a good human father to his twins. Charles is willing to help.

Eucalyptus leaf of my soul - kageillusionz, ourgirlfriday

Summary: Zookeeper Raven at Taronga Zoo keeps having ideas on how to capitalize on interest in the zoo mascots, Koala Charles and Drop Bear Erik (the only drop bear in captivity!), who have captured the hearts and minds of the public. First it was to introduce prospective mates (It’ll generate attention, Hank. People are perverts. They’d love to see koala porn.). This idea was not effective the first through fifth attempts, as Erik and Charles seemed to show at best polite interest in the newcomer before resuming whatever marsupial debate they had going. However, the resulting lesbian koala orgies did indeed generate interest. Then Raven unveiled the Hug-A-Koala program, which was successful, as the public showed great interest in hugging Charles, and Charles seemed to enjoy being hugged.

Then Raven unveiled the Hug-A-Drop Bear program, and Hank, not for the first time, wished he had a flask handy.

Notes: Yes, they’re Koalas, yes they’re adorable, and yes, Erik is super protective even as a Drop Bear.

[earthstellar]

Transformers Analysis: Folklore and Folk Magic in the Mines of Kaon

thinking about Miner Megatron again, as always. here we goooo 

So I've been doing some folk magic, as I usually do, and it got me thinking:

Surely, the lower class/caste bots wouldn’t feel welcomed into the more organised Cybertronian temples etc., or might even be outright banned from joining in shared spiritual spaces or rituals. 

So it’s time to teach y’all some working class magic history and how we can apply that to Cybertronian spirituality: 

Working Class History: Casting Spells on the Job (Just Call it Prayer so the Boss Doesn't Find Out)

Here's a quick history of rural Appalachian folk magic, for some context:

1) The Christian Bible has been used for spellcasting all up and down the rural East Coast in the USA from day one of colonisation.

In Pennsylvania you have Hexenmeisters and the Pennsylvania Dutch practices, for a well-documented example.

2) The working class has done spellcasting with the Bible from the very first day shitty bosses started

This is for several reasons, but primarily because Bibles were common and cheap, you didn't have to know how to read in order to follow along with or change the lyrics of popular hymns and prayers to fit your own needs, and it was very easy to sneak what is essentially localised witchcraft under the radar when it just looks like you're reading the Bible to everyone else.

Catholic materials were used a lot for this, because they were often provided for free by any local churches, and a lot of working class people in Appalachia were Italian (Roman Catholic) or Eastern European (Eastern Orthodox Catholic), which meant there was no shortage of all sorts of votive candles and the like to utilise for what we would now identify as spellcasting.

It's important to note that it wasn't called spellcasting outright by anybody; Sometimes it was called "hexing" or "sweet talking", among other terms, but if you called it spellcasting it was heavily frowned upon.

A lot of people were uncomfortable (and are still uncomfortable) with verbalising it or identifying it as such due to stigma from the more mainstream religious communities or their own religious backgrounds, and of course, historically if the boss found out that all the workers hated their jobs so much they were doing fucking witchcraft about it, it would not have ended well for the workers.

So, stealth it is. And that's why there are so many specific folk practices in a lot of historically working class rural regions/communities-- Not just in Appalachia, but similar things happen in similar communities around the world.

What does this have to do with Megatron?

Everything we know about the lower classes on Cybertron, the lower caste members, and the mines/industrial regions in Tarn and Kaon suggest that a similar folklore likely existed within these working communities.

And any local folk practices likely developed for the exact same reasons that this type of folk practice developed in the real world:

Workers are fucking miserable, "mainstream" religion isn't satisfying their spiritual/emotional/social/material needs or concerns, and close-knit people in small communities spending most of their time together naturally start to sort of do their own thing based on their collective situation.

People get desperate, there's nowhere to turn and nothing to do, so spirituality becomes a lifeline in that it builds solidarity and creates a more appropriate sort of support system.

For example: If we aren't allowed time off work to mourn our friend who was killed by heavy machinery, and we aren't allowed any time to process that or deal with it or take care of each other, then we will invent a ritual that allows us to grieve on the job.

This was, and still is, a common thing.

Which brings us to...

St. Barbara and the Mines + Solus Prime

St. Barbara's backstory can be summarised, roughly, as such (based on the version of this story that I know; keep in mind the details can vary):

She was kept isolated from others by her father, who became furious that she refused an arranged marriage. When she fled, he chased her; She ran into two people working in a field, the first who helped her, and the second who gave her path away to her father.

She was captured, and brought to a prominent local figure (the title varies based on different versions of this story), who had her tortured for escaping and disobeying her father.

However, when imprisoned, they tried to kill her again and again, and every morning she was healed. Fire intended to be used to burn her would cool the second it got near her skin, and daggers used to cut her would go dull when brought near her.

Snakes thrown into her room intended to bite her would then die the instant they went to approach her, and ropes intended to be used to bind and choke her would spontaneously fray and snap before they could be tied.

Eventually, she was condemned to beheading, and a special sword was used to cut her head off, which finally killed her.

Her father is the one who beheaded her, and as divine punishment, he was hit by lightning-- A single bolt that lasted so long that his entire body went up into flames, and his ashes disappeared.

Her gravesite became a place of veneration, where people prayed for protection and safety.

She became known as the patron saint of all people with dangerous jobs or jobs where the bosses don't care about the worker's wellbeing or safety, for obvious reasons: Nothing but the hands of her own father could ever harm her.  

(The imagery of St. Barbara being slain only by a special sword is very reminiscent of Solus Prime being slain only by a special sword...)

Workers, especially those with particularly dangerous or shitty jobs but also just anyone working class in general, can interpret this story in several ways which can make it additionally relatable:

Her father = A controlling and aggressive boss who abuses or neglects their workers to death.

The field workers = A pro-union worker (a helper) and an anti-union worker or scab (a betrayer).

So you can see how St. Barbara became immediately adopted as a common worker's saint, and was used in a lot of regional working class folk magic practices (where such folk magic developed within local working communities).

And this is still going strong as a tradition; Crossrail tunnel borers in London consecrated the drilling site in the name of St. Barbara in 2013:

"Several hundred contractors and senior management attended the St Barbara's Day ceremony at the Thames Tunnel (pictured) which will link Plumstead and North Woolwich when completed. The site was so large, that sound engineers put in place an amplification system for the ceremony." - Article here. 

"As a long-standing tradition, one of the first tasks for each new tunnelling projects is to establish a small shrine to Santa Barbara at the tunnel portal or at the underground junction into long tunnel headings. This is often followed with a dedication and an invocation to Santa Barbara for protection of all who work on the project during the construction period." - Article here. 

And here's a related example of a worker's prayer for St. Barbara, from here: 

So this is very much a tradition that is still going strong, and it isn't just Catholic workers who engage with these types of things!

To accommodate more diverse groups and communities of workers, folk practices (including what eventually becomes folk magic) increasingly develop even further away from any one specific religious origin, in order to become more inclusive for the majority of people who can be from all kinds of different spiritual or cultural backgrounds.

Hence, more folk magic is made-- And I believe something like this could absolutely have evolved in a similar way in working communities on Cybertron.

Cybertronian Spirituality: The Primes, The Knights, The Titans

My personal theory/headcanon, and there is not much in canon to support this particularly so please keep that in mind, is that given the average type of manual labour working environment in Tarn and Kaon (dangerous, dark, and deep), it would make sense for the legendary Titans to become worked into some kind of folk practice.

We have this concept of the Titans as these giant and very particular beings, which reminds me somewhat of the Jewish Golem of Prague, in that the Titans are made from raw materials in some kind of mystical or cosmically spiritual manner, then eventually ally themselves to at least one respective Prime who then acts as a director of their actions to achieve victory over cosmic evil(s).

The Titans then go forward and act as guardians of Cybertronian life by combating the origins of these cosmic evil(s) as protectors of their respective polities and regions and eventually colony worlds, called into action by what is essentially a metaphysical and possibly outright spiritual pull of the need of their Prime(s) and later on the needs of the Cybertronian and colony world populations in times of threat or desperation.

These details are peppered throughout canon and vary based on media/franchise, but most recently Titan lore was covered again in IDW’s Optimus Prime series, issue 10, literally titled Origin Myths. 

What is interesting is that while the Golem association could be reasonably made, you could also reasonably say that the Three Original Titans (Metroplex, Chela, and Metrotitan) could be associated just as easily with the Catholic concept of the Holy Trinity. 

Lots of different interpretations could be applied to this stuff!

Class Stratification Within Cybertronian Religious Institutions

No matter how you may interpret it, we know that the Titans have a similar mystical presence in Cybertronian history and cultural lore to that of the Primes and Knights, and it would make sense for those spurned and disparaged by "mainstream" spiritual practices (which were likely just as stratified by class and caste as everything else was on Cybertron during Megatron's youth) to go ahead and create a folk practice based more around Titans.

This is because the Primes would like be associated directly with their oppressive rulers and upper classes, and the Knights, who are said to be the first Cybertronians to come from the Well, thusly represent a very high class onto their own which may have repelled working class bots who were very likely sick of essentially worshipping those venerated in their class stratified society solely due to the conditions of their creation; The Knights were "born with silver spoons", essentially, and it's hard to sell that to people who suffered due to the conditions of their own creation.

Therefore, the Titans are the other most likely Cybertronian figures of historical lore that could reasonably be adapted into a sort of folk religion for the working classes and lower social caste bots.

The imagery is strong, and relatable: In Megatron's case, the manual labourers and miners all have large frames compared to the average Cybertronian, they all toil invisibly and in relative silence, and they are kept away from the end products of their labour and yet without them, Cybertron planet wide would instantly struggle to sustain their raw material demands. 

They are critical workers, yet many of them have no names/designations; It is noted at least once in canon that some Titans are so old or so little known that their designations are not recorded. Yet without these unseen/unknown Titans, it could be the case that cosmic evil could have achieved victory.

While the Titans are critical, they are largely a mystery and unknown in any real detail. They do not normally engage with average Cybertronians, and when they do, it is usually indirectly-- Even though their actions actively impact the lives of nearly everyone.

And though the Primes and Knights are generally never physically present, at least not within living memory, there is real and physical proof of Titans. I feel like that aspect alone may well appeal more to people who are very physically oriented; We also see a stark realist mentality from many of the lower class/caste bots, who are sometimes realistic to the point of nihilism (which is part of why Megatron's writings were so revolutionary, in that they re-introduced hope to people who had previously concluded that there was no realistic possibility of ever rising up).

The Titans being a known, tangible physical reality may well have endeared them as a more interesting folkloric or spiritual focus to this particular cohort of bots.

Just like with St. Barbara in real life, you can see how the Titans may have been interpreted in certain ways by the lower class/caste working bots which may have made them more appealing or more easy to structure into a framework of sorts for their own practices within their local cultures.

A Little Meta: There's a Lot of Various Religious Imagery in Transformers

Like with all media, especially Western media, inevitably some Jesus sneaks in there.

Which usually sucks, because it can be alienating for literally anyone who isn't familiar with Christianity in some way (as some references or parallels are inevitably not going to be as obvious or even detectable at all to people who didn't grow up with all this sometimes very specific shit, resulting in missed thematic elements and so on due to no fault of the viewers but rather the tendency for Western shows to overwhelmingly be written and designed by primarily Western white middle aged cis straight men who tend to throw some Jesus in there when there should not necessarily be any Jesus in there, but I could yell about this all night).

Transformers as a franchise altogether is not immune to this; As with all media, it is made by people, and people are influenced by their social/cultural upbringing, and that includes religious influences.

We could read some of this into the TFP/Aligned Continuity, in regards to the idea of the Thirteen Primes and how that concept is interpreted in TFP.

Transformers Prime: Alpha Trion is Essentially Paul the Apostle

The TFP Primes resemble both the Apostles as well as various Saints, and especially the Fourteen Holy Helpers; These fourteen Saints in particular are elevated above the others in many cases and contexts-- Similar to how the Primes are held up as elevated over other Cybertronians and other figures in Cybertronian history and presumably within certain Cybertronian spiritual practices as well. 

For example, Alpha Trion is strongly reminiscent of the Christian figure Paul the Apostle, who was a writer/scribe known for documenting early Christian concerns of faith in his letters, which became extremely important to theological historians in regards to determining early Christian discourse and attempting to create a timeline of early Christianity.

His letters are included the New Testament in thirteen (!) sections called epistles, which are archived forever in various iterations within the Christian Bible. 

Now, let’s take a look at the symbolism, using the TFP main illustration of Alpha Trion as featured in the Covenant, and a popular Icon image of Paul the Apostle: 

Beard, cloak, book-- Even the pose they are in here is very similar, look at the feet and the way they are both standing. Even the halo of Cybertronian glyphs around Alpha Trion’s head resembles the gold filament of Paul’s halo. 

And much like Alpha Trion's questionable ability to write/re-write history and determine events through some kind of cosmically divine power of foresight, the timeline of Paul's letters will likely never be fully verifiable, and of course, there are so many translations and interpretations of these letters along with the rest of the New Testament that while key points remain fairly consistent, there is still no "true" version or exact outline of events or discussions as recorded by Paul-- Primarily because in at least a few cases, Paul's letters are the only allusion to certain events or conversations.

This is extremely similar to how Alpha Trion states outright in the Covenant that he himself doesn't know if what he writes is actually factual anymore, or if he has changed things so many times to try to construct a more favourable narrative of actions and events that reality itself may have been warped by his Quill, either forwards or backwards in time...

You could also argue that Alpha Trion is presented as a God-like figure in TFP (especially when he appears to Optimus in the form of an echoing voice and shimmering spectral figure in a vision caused by what is essentially the equivalent of a holy relic), and Orion Pax would then be comparable to Jesus pre-Crucifixion, with his reformatting into Optimus Prime post-Matrix heavily resembling Jesus in the eyes of his followers post-Resurrection.

The main cast of Autobots in this comparison would then roughly correspond to the Apostles, of whom there were twelve, with Optimus then making Thirteen... And of course, canonically, Optimus is the resurrection of the Thirteenth Prime. 

You can also see visual similarities in the depiction of Thirteen in the Covenant; It reminds me heavily of the Divine Mercy image of Jesus: 

Both have their right hands raised, their chests emitting a holy/cosmic light. 

I'm just saying, it is totally possible to make connections between fictional lore/spiritual figures and real world ones, and TF is loaded with content that can be re-contextualised in this way. 

(I also want to point out at this time that it is not my intention to offend anyone with any of this analysis; I am writing from the point of view of someone who grew up with folk spirituality, and I am also a Quaker Attender, just so you are aware of my own personal background. I would love to hear any other interpretations of any spiritual imagery in Transformers media, because there’s a ton of possible ways to read into this stuff!) 

In Conclusion: Cast a Hex on Your Boss by Calling Upon the Titans

Just for fun, as someone who has actually done folk magic for my entire life, I've adapted a hex against bad bosses to fit this headcanon. I think this is something that lower class/caste bots would absolutely engage in; It's common in real life as well.

The original I'm basing this off of was actually something I found in one of our old family Bibles before I moved out, and was written in Girard, Pennsylvania sometime between 1920-1930. I believe it was written by a relative of mine who worked either on the farm or on the railways.

Remember that folk magic like this is for and by working class people, so there are no fancy supplies needed; Don't ever buy shit to do magic, you can do it with anything laying around you. No need to spend money.

If you have a shitty boss, please let me know if you hex your boss with this. I always encourage witchcraft, fictional or otherwise.

Here's what you do, if you want to actually try this:

1) Using any old paper that you have lying around, cut it roughly into a square (doesn't need to be perfect.) It doesn't matter what type of paper it is.

2) Grab any pen you like, it can be any type of pen, any type of ink.

3) Draw a square outline on the paper, making a border on the page. This can be big or small as you like, and you can decorate it if you want; Just leave enough space to write inside the square.

4) Fold this paper into a square, any way you'd like as long as it's a square, and take this paper while it's still blank to work in your pocket.

Carry the paper with you for at least one full day at work. If you can, place it in a chest pocket or a pocket where the paper will be fairly close to your body.

It doesn't matter if the paper gets dirty or smudged or torn; In fact, that's even better.

(Some people who do variations of this spell in real life even use the paper to wipe dirt off their hands etc. throughout the day, to really get the energy of a work day settled into the paper. As long as it can still be written on, you can do this if you'd like.)

5) At the end of the work day, take the paper out, and write the following:

Where I have put [X], the word "Lord" was in the original version of this hex which was in my family Bible, but to contextualise it within the fictional headcanon lore here, you can replace this with the word "Titan". (Or you can replace it with anything else that may be appropriate as well, if you would like to actually use this hex!)

"Give us pay for our work, or the poor will plea to the [X] against you, and you will be struck down, cast down.  

If you do not give to those who give to you, you will be cursed coming in, and going out.

Just as the [X] can raise you up and lead you to prosper, so too can the [X] turn away from you, and you will be left to have your walls destroyed, your fortress ruined.

Us servants will rejoice, but you will cry out in anguish, you will be put to shame.

Without the toilers, the land is made desolate, the haunt of jackals.

[X], turn your gaze to us, we labourers of all kinds, see our tears and our sweat.

Lay curses upon those who use their hands to hold us down; Kept below water, our tears lost in the flood.

Raise the waters, and surge the shores of their ill-owned kingdom; Bring forth to their memory that the [X] stewards the land, and that all among the land are equal in spirit.

The [X] will cast fury upon the unrighteous and conniving, cast rage and stand among us mightily, each motion casting winds against the oppressor who weakens like fractured stone under the onslaught of rain.

The [X] will make a storm from our anguish, which brings us higher, raises us from desolation. Our tears, become the rain that withers the false tower looming high above us.

Our hands will raise from our tools and duties, and offer high praise to the [X], who guards the disparaged and lowly, who enacts justice against those who have done wrong against us.

Let us be brought high, and those who revel in our struggle, may they be cast down."

6) You may flip the paper over once the ink is dry, and on the back, put three Xs in the upper corners of the paper. You may also add three more XXXs to the centre of the paper, where the crease in the paper is from folding it.

7) Re-fold the paper, and put it in the bottom of your right shoe. If this is too uncomfortable, carry it in any pocket on your right side.

You can also place it in your wallet for safe keeping, as your wallet contains money and possibly a work ID or something similar, which are all tied to work and working.

And there you have it! Fuck shitty bosses, both fictional ones and real ones. Join a union, do some witchcraft. 

This post was long as always, but I hope it's interesting to someone out there! <3 Thank you to anyone who actually reads through all of this! <3

[dustedmagazine]

Andrew Forell’s 2022 Favorite Five plus 22

Anteloper photo by Tim Saccenti

Here, in no particular order, are the five albums I’ve spent the most time with this year and another 22 for 22 that I am still enjoying or just catching up with.

Anteloper — Pink Dolphins (International Anthem)

In July I concluded my review by saying “The thrill of Pink Dolphins is the sense that branch and Nazary have a form of echolocation which guides them, that no matter how deep or murky the waters, they know exactly where the other is and what they are doing”. The loss of jaimie branch in August adds a poignancy to Pink Dolphins and the musical understanding she and Jason Nazary had developed and were deepening with every recording will be sorely missed.

Blackhaine — Armour II (Fixed Abode)

Dancer and choreographer Tom Heyes is best known in the US for his work with the artist formerly known as Kanye West. As Blackhaine he brings the ritualistic intensity of his dance style to the words and music of Armour II. He raps and sings about guilt, paranoia and the violence at the heart of contemporary Britain in the thick accent of his native Lancashire over a mix of drill and cinematic soundscapes. His collaboration with Iceboy Violet and Blood Orange on “Prayer” is one of the songs of year.

 Kevin Richard Martin —  Downtown & Nightcrawler (Self-released)

Kevin Richard Martin AKA The Bug delves into the obsidian depths on these two releases. Slabs of dank, dub inflected post-industrial ambience conjure the pearl clutching dread associated with the housing estates & so-called slums for which the tracks on Downtown are named but also a sense of the communities surviving there in the face of poverty and the threats of gentrification. Nightcrawler is a sort of companion piece, a cinematic post jazz soundtrack to the dangerous glamor of pre-dawn streets which sounds, if possible, like Bohren & Der Club of Gore’s narcoleptic cousins. Highly recommended for underground commutes.

  The Photocopies — greatest hits volume 1 & volume 2 (Self-released)

Sean Turner is a Londoner in Michigan with a deep love of 1980s & 1990s indie guitar music and an output whose prolificacy is only surpassed by its quality. greatest hits volume 1 & volume 2 collect 30 tracks from singles and EPs released between June 2021 and September 2022. Although Turner isn’t reinventing any wheels, his knack for supple melodies and lyrics both heartful and witty elevates these songs. “Control Freak,” “Pop Quiz” and “(Wishing I Had) Tickets for Saint Etienne” are all giddy propulsion and self-aware pop culture references. Even at his most lovelorn the hooks are razor sharp, “I Can’t Imagine What You See In Him” combines yearning and snark over Wedding Present guitars and a glam stomp that The Sweet would have killed for. It’s great fun and heaven knows we’ve been miserable enough.

22 more

700 Bliss — Nothing to Declare (Hyperdub)

Anja Lauvdal — From a Story Now Lost (Smalltown Supersound)

Artsick — Fingers Crossed (Slumberland)

billy woods — Aethiopes (Backwoodz Studioz)

billy woods x Messiah Musik — Church (Backwoodz Studioz)

The Boys with the Perpetual Nervousness — The Third Wave Of … (Bobo Integral)

The Bug — Absent Riddim (Pressure)

Burial — Streetlands (Hyperdub)

Caterina Barbieri — Spirit Exit (light-year

Dot Dash — Madman in the Rain (The Beautiful Music)

Dry Cleaning — Stumpwork (4AD)

Holy Tongue — III (Amidah Records)

I Am — Beyond (Division 81)

Kids on a Crime Spree — Fall in Love Not in Line (Slumberland)

M. Geddes Gengras — Expressed, I Noticed Silence (Hausu Mountain)

Martha — Please Don’t Take Me Back (Specialist Subject Records)

Moor Mother — Jazz Codes (Anti)

Morgana — Contemporaneità (Low Ambition Records)

The Mutual Torture — Don’t (Non-Standard Productions)

Quelle Chris — DEATHFAME (Mello Music Group)

Raw Poetic — Space Beyond the Solar System (22nd Century Sound)

Tom Skinner — Voices of Bishara (International Anthem)

Andrew Forell

[songbirdstyles]

call me.

summary: being quarantined away from harry is absolute torture - until it isn’t.

warnings: smut, some fluff and angst if you squint! phone sex <3

word count: 3.4k

song inspo.: call me - blondie

You haven’t been sleeping too well since the beginning of quarantine - whether it’s the stress of what feels like the world ending or the noticeable absence of your boyfriend, lying beside you, you can’t be sure. All you know for sure is that it takes you nearly three hours of lying in bed, staring up at your ceiling in the dark and being entirely too aware of the empty space beside you in bed, to finally be able to get a few hours of sleep. And you’d even resorted to shifting to Harry’s side of the bed, where his pillow faintly smelled of his cologne, but it did little to put you out of your insomnia-induced misery.

It was a cruel twist of fate to end up quarantined on nearly opposite ends of the world from Harry. He was merely supposed to be in LA for a week or two, and you were supposed to go with him until you’d gotten sick at the last minute - and it hadn’t been a big deal, until the global pandemic locked you in London and him in California. And now, you’re wishing more than anything that you’d ignored the cold niggling the back of your throat and utilized your ticket to the states - it would’ve made the entire situation decidedly less miserable than it is.

The light of your phone screen illuminated from your nightstand tells you, in its glaring bright intensity, that it’s 3:21 in the morning. If you squint out of the window, curtains pulled open, you swear you can already see the sun, poking insistently above the horizon - but, no, surely not yet. You pray you have a little bit of time left to try and get some sleep before your biological clock forces you up.

(It’s not looking too good, though, as another minute ticks past on your phone and your eyelids still aren’t feeling the heaviness you’re craving.)

Perhaps you’ve grown too accustomed to curling up beside Harry’s body, feeling his breath against your neck when you occasionally wake up at this time for an early morning shag. And maybe you’ve been a bit spoiled, traveling with him more as your relationship progresses over the past three years - but you hadn’t suspected it would be so horrible for your sleep schedule to not have him around. Bad for your sanity, perhaps, but do you really need his body wrapped around yours to get even a wink of shut-eye during the night?

The answer was, apparently, yes, as more minutes tick on your phone and you’re still wide awake. LA is 8 hours behind London, approximately, so if it’s 3:27 in the morning here -

You’re grabbing your phone off of your nightstand without bothering to finish the math problem you’ve conjured up. Harry’s the most recent person you’ve texted and you swipe open your conversation, finger hovering briefly above the call button before tapping it gently.

There’s a chance - a small, miniscule one - that he won’t be awake. You’ve been texting him nearly every minute of every day, constantly calling him and FaceTiming and you know his sleep schedule is worsening like yours. He goes to sleep later and wakes earlier and takes naps scattered all throughout the day, so you’re prepared, emotionally, for him to not answer your call. You’ll be disappointed, perhaps, but there’s a bottle of melatonin in your bathroom you’ve been trying not to abuse during the nighttime. It makes you drowsy for working online and continues to afflict you during the day, so you’ve been trying to stay away from them.

Doesn’t mean you won’t use them, though. You simply don’t want to - if Harry doesn’t answer so you can chat until you’ve tired yourself out, then you’ll make the trek into the bathroom and succumb to the stupid pills -

“‘Lo?”

Your heartbeat picks up as you push yourself to sit up further in bed, pressing your phone close to your ear. You should’ve expected that your boyfriend would be awake now, considering it’s only 7:30 in LA, but it still brings a smile to your face to hear his voice.

“Hey, babe,” you murmur, voice quiet in the darkness of your room. There’s no one around for the loudness of your voice to disturb, but it still feels right to keep it low. “Hope I didn’t wake you.”

Harry chuckles on the other end, and you try to picture what he’s doing. When he’s home you’re usually eating dinner at this time, or curled up on the TV watching a movie, or fucking in the bedroom - “‘Course not. Jus’ got off the phone wit’ m’mum an’ had t’shower. She misses us.”

“I miss her too,” you tell him, smile widening at the thought of Anne. Yes, you miss her quite a bit - she’s always been kind to you, and more of a second mother than merely the mum of your boyfriend - but you have some sort of ulterior motive for calling him, so you figure you should get right to it. “I miss you a lot, Har. The apartment’s awfully empty without you here.”

There’s a beat of silence on the other end, for just a second, before Harry’s responding, “I miss you too - ‘course I do. Wish I’d canceled this stupid fuckin’ LA trip - I’d do anything t’be home wit’ you now.”

You sigh softly, leaning your head back against the headboard of a bed that’s feeling entirely too big for you right now. You’d always complained that Harry slept like a starfish and took up entirely too much space, but you’d swim across the ocean to curl up in bed with him for just one single night. “I haven’t been sleeping much, either. Guess I’m too used to having you here with me. You know, waking up with you on top of me and middle-of-the-night sex.”

“Middle-of-the-night sex,” Harry sighs dreamily, and you tug your bottom lip between your teeth with the beginnings of a smirk working its way onto your face. “God, I miss that. M’hand just can’t do the things you can. Doesn’t even come close, really.”

“I hope so.” And you give him a moment to bark out a laugh before continuing, clammy palm pressed to your bare thigh beneath your comforter, “My fingers aren’t doing too much, either. They’re not as big as you - can’t get me off an inch.”

His breathing is growing heavier, loud even through the phone, and you know you’ve got him right where you want him - you’re horny and he’s surely getting hard and you’d like nothing more than for him to help you get off. Just his voice, slightly raspy and deepening with every syllable, is enough to make wetness pool in your panties. “Jesus, doll - gonna make m’hard.” And then there’s a pause, where you’re surely meant to respond but all you can do is grin and try to control your breathing, before Harry murmurs, “S’what what you wanted? Wanted t’make my dick hard?”

You nod, and then breathe, “Yeah.”

“Bloody hell, you’re a minx, y’know that?” And you did, in fact, know that, so you confess your affirmations. “Guess that’s why y’woke me, then. Need me t’tire you out, don’t you.”

It isn’t a question - Harry can read you like a book, even 5,000 miles away, and he knows exactly what your intentions are. “I just miss you.” His soft, cocky laugh on the other end has you sliding your hand up your thigh, pushing your digits into your lace panties and feeling the wetness present in the apex. “Really - I miss you, and your dick - just please help me get off, Har. Won’t bother you with it ever again.”

“Don’t have t’take it that far,” but you’re hardly listening to him. The first circle of your fingers on your clit has you moaning quietly into the receiver, and you can hear Harry’s sharp intake of breath at the sound. “Startin’ without me, are you? S’awfully rude.”

“You’re taking too long,” you exhale, running your fingers through your soaked folds - but you pause, anyway, listening intently to the shuffling on the other end of the phone. “Got me so wet, just hearing you talk.”

When another second goes by with no response you pull your phone from your ear, pressing the speaker button and resting it on your tummy. You grab your comforter and pull it off the bottom half off your body, letting the cold air hit your bare legs, just as Harry groans, “Okay - m’ready. Had t’go back t’my room - but m’here now.”

You squeeze your eyes shut, taking just a moment to listen to his quiet grunts and imagine exactly what he looks like right now - sitting on the edge of his bed, pumping his cock, slow and steady at first, just to get started. “Wish you were here with me,” and as eager as you’d been to have your first phone sex experience, you hadn’t counted on the slight awkwardness that makes it harder for the words to come out. “Been - been dreaming about it, about you fucking me so good, and I wake up drenched, Har, just thinking about you.”

Just as you’d expected, Harry takes over almost immediately - he’s much better at dirty talk than you are and it’s only proven when he moans, “M’always thinking of it, fucking your pretty little cunt ‘till you’re crying. And you love it, don’t you? Moanin’ so good for me, so loud - the way you cry when I pinch your clit - can y’do that f’me, doll? Pinch your clit, just the way I do it.”

Shaking fingers dip out of your folds and trail the wetness up to where you need it most - the sensitive nub that’s throbbing for your touch. Just as he’d asked, you use two fingers to softly pinch your clit, the small action sending waves of euphoria flowing through your body as you drop your head back with a cry. It reverberates through the room, louder than any of your moans and whines, exactly as Harry had wanted.

“Wish you could do it -” you do it again and give him the same resounding cry, circling your clit one more time before dragging your fingers back down to slide between your folds. “Your fingers, they’re so much bigger than mine - feel so much better.”

“Fingering y’self?” His voice is nearly whiny with excitement and you know exactly how he looks now, his bottom lip between his teeth and sweat beading up on his cupid’s bow. “Tell me how it feels.”

You can’t quite describe it, even if you’re desperate too. Fingers curl in your cunt, brushing against the sweet spot inside of you that has your back arching off the bed, nipples pebbled and hard against the material of your soft tank top. One isn’t enough, and it doesn’t fill you nearly as much as Harry’s so you add another, taking just a second to run it through your dripping folds before pushing it in. “Oh, god - feels so good, thinking of you - two of mine s’hardly one of yours.”

To that, you get a loud groan, mingled with a low cry that sends chills crawling up your spine. For a second he doesn’t respond and you wonder if he’s cumming already - but then he’s grunting, “Miss you, on all fours f’me - s’how I’ll take you first when we see each other. G’na let me pull your hair, know you love when I do that -”

You do love it, and merely remembering the feeling of him, pulling your hair into a makeshift ponytail and pulling your head up when it starts to droop onto the mattress, has your walls clenching around your digits, and you impulsively add a third.

“ - or maybe I’ll jus’ bury my head in tha’ cunt of yours. Miss the taste of it so much,” and Harry’s voice picks up, in speed and pure excitement, and you can hear the faint sound of him, pumping his cock. It’s hard to think of anything you’d love more than to watch him eat you out for bloody hours, fisting his hair and tugging on his curls just to hear his sobs. The way he flicks his tongue against your folds and slaps your clit when you squeeze your eyes shut in pure euphoria. “Taste so sweet f’me, don’t you - taste y’self for me, doll. Know you taste so good.”

Harry’s got such a hold on you, sometimes - perhaps you’d even say all the time but especially during moments like these. So you don’t hesitate to pull your fingers out of your cunt, walls fluttering around the sudden emptiness, and you bring the digits up to your mouth. Slowly your tongue swirls around your fingertips before wrapping your lips around them, and the soft moan as you taste yourself has Harry whining on the other end, the noise long and low.

Normally, when Harry asks you to do something like this you would put on an absolute show for him. Pumping your lips up and down his shaking digits, eyes never leaving his as his lips slowly part in a needy pant. And - of course - you’d always know that, when you pulled your mouth off of his fingers, you’d be absolutely in for it, and that was the thrill of it. He can’t see you (FaceTime sex is something you’ll need to bring up another day) but you still perform, adding more volume and less eye contact with the darkness around you.

His breathing is rattly when you drop your fingers down to your thighs, fingernails curling into the soft skin as you would do his back or his scalp. You give him briefly a second to take everything in, the images he must be producing, before you breathe, “Tell me what you’re doing, Har.”

“M’gonna cum soon - gonna cum on m’fist, imaginin’ s’your pussy -”

“Yeah? Imagining me sitting on your cock, right?”

By Harry’s resounding moan - the exact noise he makes when you ride him and he tosses his head back in ecstasy - you can assume that he hadn’t been imagining that, but he surely is now, and so are you. God, the way you lean back, hands to his thighs, feelings his palms run up your stomach. And they’ll circle your tits, tweaking your nipples with a lazy smirk at how fast they pebble in his fingertips, before dragging down to your clit, on display for him - and he moves them so slow, but he knows you’re aching for it.

You squeeze your eyes shut, focusing two fingers to circle your clit and sensually dragging your free hand up to your boobs as Harry moans, “Your pussy s’so tight around me - g’na fuck you so hard when I see you - you’re not gonna walk for weeks.”

It sounds absolutely dreamy as two of your fingers pinch at your nipple, closing your eyes tighter. If Harry were here he’d grab the back of your head, force your body down to his so he could lap at your nipples and relish in your sobs - and you can’t do that, necessarily, but you bring your thumb up to your tongue, licking the shaking digit before lowering it back to your nipple. It doesn’t give nearly the same effect but it’s close enough, and you can feel your cunt fluttering with desperation to cum. 

“Playin’ with my tits, Harry - pinching them just how you do.” You swallow back the urge to sob out, if only because the noise will trigger just the sort of choked up moan from your boyfriend that’ll send you over the edge and you want to last longer, dammit. “Oh, god -”

“Y’cummin’, baby?”

“No,” you exhale, “not yet -”

“Good,” and you can tell merely from the teasing lilt in his voice that you won’t last past the end of his sentence (and his staccato pants are already enough to have your clit throbbing beneath your touch), “‘cause I keep thinkin’ about that time - fuck - that time we shagged in y’mum’s house, remember? An’ I had to put y’knickers in your mouth, ‘cause you were -” and his rant is cut off by the telltale whine that’s almost always accompanied by him cumming near violently - “bein’ too loud, an’ we didn’t want your mum to hear? Be loud f’me, babe, please, need t’hear you -”

You remember that - how he was fucking you so goddamn hard your bed was hitting the wall and he had to drag you to the floor, pressed to your carpet with your drenched lace panties in your mouth. And Harry tossed your legs over his shoulder like it was nothing, pounded you into the carpet while your mum was asleep just a few doors down the hall, hand firm around your throat. He’d never done that before and God, you love it. Love it almost as much as you love him, but you figure you shouldn’t dwell on it now.

His words have the exact impact he’d hoped for and your head slams into your headboard with a choked up cry, loud through your room and into your phone, still resting on your sweaty stomach. Wetness coats your fingers as your assault on your clit continues, arm shaking with the pressure of riding yourself through the orgasm while still trying to listen to Harry - he’s sobbing out, sound of skin against skin growing louder until you hear the euphoric groan that tells you he’s reached the same high you have.

It’s a gorgeous harmony of your moans mixing together - his crackling through the speaker that’s been used and abused during your little session - and you know you’ll never get tired of it. No matter how many times you do this - for as long as you’re apart - you’ll never, ever get tired of it.

Your body is still trembling when the shockwaves of your orgasm start to wither down. There’s a thin sheet of sweat, coating your body and beading in your hairline and your fingers are covered with your cum, the bed sheets beneath you damp, too. You’ve only ever squirted a few times before - in Harry’s mouth, for the most part, with that bloody talented tongue he’s got - and you wipe the slick onto your thighs before sitting further upwards, grabbing your phone.

Harry’s silent on the other end and you squint at the screen to check the time. Your vision is clouded - perhaps your brain is simply clouded - but you reckon it says 4:00.

“Jesus,” he breathes on the other end, hardly audible through the phone. In your mind’s eye you can picture him, passed out on the bed with his legs still dangling off, running a hand through his hair to try and alleviate the sweat sticking to the curls. “Gonna have t’shower again.”

You smile, shifting back down so you’re fully lying in bed. There’s still a wet spot beneath your arse and your back but you’ll worry about it when you wake up (whenever that may be.) The idea of even moving back over to your usual side of the bed sounds like pure torture, because if you bury your nose in Harry’s pillow, it smells like his cologne with just a hint of the strawberry shampoo he sometimes steals from you. “Tired me out there, Mr. Styles.”

There’s the sound of rustling on the other end of the phone before Harry’s murmuring back, “M’glad - y’need to get some sleep, y’know. S’not good for you to be up so late.”

“I know.” Your eyes are already beginning to feel heavy as minutes continue to click down on your phone, and hearing his soft breathing is fucking therapeutic. If you close your eyes (which feels oh so good) you can almost feel him, body tight around you as he pulls your back to his chest, nestling his nose in your locks with a deep inhale that never fails to make you giggle. “I love you, Har.”

God, you can almost hear him smiling on the other end. You miss it so much - his smile - but just him, and feeling his arms around you, heartbeat against your spine lulling you to sleep. Whenever quarantine is over and you’re free to go to him, you won’t wait a second. You’ll hop on the first plane - you’ll fucking tape yourself to the side of it, if you have to.

For now, though, hearing him sleepily mumble, “I love you more, babe,” is enough. And you keep your phone planted on your chest, Harry’s steadying breathing like music to your ears as you settle in for what’s gearing up to be the best goddamn sleep of your life.

[quillandink333]

Broken Hinges

Kazuma Asougi × Original Character

SPOILERS FOR THE GREAT ACE ATTORNEY CHRONICLES ~ Read ahead at your own risk!

Rating: T

Word Count: 1.3k

WARNINGS: amnesia, psychosis, aggression (verbal and physical)

Summary: When the relentless phantom within coerces him into making the drastic decision he was always meant to, the distraught watch officer takes an irreversible misstep.

Masterlist

“It’s been six months since you awoke.”

He swatted at the air near his ear, though there was nothing there, of course.

“You’re running out of time.”

He jerked his head, slouching as he paced back and forth as if that would do anything to deter it.

“When are you finally going to let go of this delusion?”

“I don’t know!”

His shout made a dull echo down in the dingy, cramped, and poorly lit cargo hold where he was stationed for the time being.

“I’m—” he stuttered. “I’m working on it. Alright?”

The Vitesse had just departed from Barcelona, the third-to-final stop on this miserable voyage. They were so close now, and the voice in his head was louder, and more real, than it had ever been. As they came closer and closer to the land where his supposed fate awaited him, the apparition seemed to grow more and more vehement, and at a faster rate, with every passing second. Now it had reached the point where he was no longer able to block out its tireless demands to break ties with the London girl he’d grown close with.

It didn’t make sense to him. But if this…he hesitated to think ‘stranger,’ was still so determined to bend his will after so long, then surely there must have been a reason. The voice possessed no telltale qualities of the owner’s gender nor age, but he’d started to suspect that it was in fact the voice of his former self. And if that was the case, then maybe it made no difference whether any of it made sense to him or not. He shook his head again, harder.

“What makes you so sure she can be trusted anyway? What has she ever done to earn yours?”

“She’s done more than enough!” He scoffed, fist clamping down on the handle of his kerosene lamp. “This is ridiculous.”

“Oh? Name one example, then.”

“Well…!” His rebuttal fell short. As sure as he’d been that the voice was wrong and Cecelia was someone he could confide in without it blowing up in his face, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t conceive of a way to prove it.

“I’m waiting.”

He roared hopelessly. What about her had made him so convinced that she would even understand, let alone accept, him and his unsightly, tortured soul? Aside from that, if the task he was to carry out in Britain was something that, ‘couldn’t be made known to anyone,’ then someone hailing from Britain herself would have been among the least trustworthy. That was likely how the voice saw it, in any case. But Cecelia would never forsake him. Would she?

He heard the voice smirk. “You see? There’s nothing.”

“Shut up!” He held his pounding, heavy head in his free hand. “I just…can’t think of anything at the moment.”

“And you never will. Do you know why?”

His head hung lower as he began to snicker. “Why?”

“It’s because you’re mad.”

His laughter redoubled. “No, really?! And here I was, thinking that disembodied voices in one’s head was a sure sign of perfect sanity!”

“Don’t you see?” it carried on. “Nothing fits together in your head because so many of the pieces are missing.” His smile became a snarl, the remnants of his chuckling ragged and furious. Everything in the room was becoming darker and darker, and the walls groaned and bellowed as they seemed to lean further and further inward. “And until you stop chasing daydreams and things that aren’t real, you will never find what you’ve lost.”

Just before the last remaining photon of light died out, a familiar voice arose, timidly saying, “Is everything alright?”

The lamp in his hand went screaming toward the new arrival. It missed her by an inch, clanging and shattering against the ship’s steel hull with a deafening eruption of sound. When it hit the floor at her feet, it burst into flame.

“What are you doing here?” he seethed.

“No—n-nothing.” Heart in mouth, she observed the unstable rise and fall of his hunched shoulders. “I was just… I-I’ve lost something, you see, and I thought I might’ve dropped it down here somewhere, during—”

“Never mind.” She mouthed a stunned, ‘What?’ and he let out a charged sigh. “I’ll look for…whatever it is. Just go.”

“Wait, please, tell me what’s going on first. What were you—”

“Don’t touch me, damn it!” She shrivelled back, her own lamp nearly slipping out of her buttered fingers. “Didn’t you hear me? I said, ‘get out.’ Or don’t you understand Japanese anymore?”

She took a careful step back. Clearly he wasn’t himself at all. Perhaps a bit of space was all he needed.

“Right,” he said in English, pinching at the bridge of his nose. “Forgive me if I’m wrong; it might just be my shitty memory, or…” He gave a depraved chortle, “or lack thereof, but I don’t recall asking for any of this.” His hand fell from his face before she could ask specifically what ‘this’ referred to. He was glaring daggers. “Any of it!”

“I-I’m so sorry.” If looks could kill, she would have been half way up the staircase to Heaven already. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Truly. I just wanted to—”

“What? To help me?” She choked on her tongue. Every word he spoke was laced with deadly venom. “Then you should never have stuck your nose in in the first place. It’s because of you that my very existence has become a living hell!”

Her jaw went slack. She searched his gaze. He couldn’t possibly have meant that, could he? Then her throat tightened. His snarl alone was answer enough.

As the flames died out, the air thick with the smell of burning oil, a fragment of the lamp bulb glinted beside her, quenching the fire within him.

Seeing the identically broken look in her glassy eyes and the ill-fitted frown that revealed the damage done to her once impenetrable spirit caused his own to rupture.

“Don’t even think about it,” hissed the voice. “She is worth nothing to you, nor you to her.”

He bit his lip and turned his head. “Just…”

“Be done with this.”

He turned the rest of his body, waiting to hear her retreating footsteps. “Just…get out of my sight.”

She only made it as far as the floor above, stumbling on her way up countless times without the light of the lamp she’d brought down with her. She didn’t feel any better for having left it with him. Why hadn’t she just left when he’d asked her to the first time?

Her body had turned to brick. Her own weight was enough to have her teetering into the door she’d just closed. She leant there a moment, back pressed flat against the crude, painted metal, when its chill brought a memory as bitter as steel back to life before her. The way his eyes had cut into her minutes ago was the same as it had been that day, only ten times more agonising. She let herself slide down the door’s surface, curling herself into as tight a ball as she could in an effort to keep herself from falling apart on the spot.

This whole time, she’d gone on believing that what she’d been doing had never been enough. But perhaps, in reality, it was the opposite. As it had been all along.

That realisation was the final strike to the chisel. She crumbled, unable to hold herself together a second longer. Her sobs, choked and sharp, panged through the empty halls of the gigantic metal box she was trapped in.

She had brought this upon herself—upon him—all of it. Just as he had said.

[fandomlovingfreak]

Healing His Heart (5/?)

Young Remus Lupin/Reader

Rating: T (there’s kissing idk is that Teen+?)

Word Count: 1500

MasterList Link I AO3 Link I Wattpad Link I Tiktok Link

Summary: (y/n) is two years younger than him, a popular Slytherin, and Regulus Black's best friend. Yet he can't help but be attracted to her bewitching personality and sweet smile. Unfortunately, his er--problem makes it harder to get close to others. Despite his attempts to push her away (for her own good) she seems determined to worm her way into his life.

Notes: Thanks for reading!

Enjoy

"Where are you going?" Sirius asks from the couch. He's got his books on the coffee table, looking like he might study. Remus seriously doubts that, though.

"Going to go study in the library with (y/n)." He continues to pack up his things, standing to gauge their reaction to this.

"(y/n) asked you to study with her-- in the library? You hear that, Sirius? Match made in heaven," James teases. 

"Ha ha, very funny. You've got your foot on my Charms book." James moves his foot off the book, leaning over to grab it. "Thanks." Remus takes the textbook from him, shoving it into his satchel with the rest of his books.

"Reggie's going to be pissed you've stolen his study buddy," Sirius sits up on his forearms.

"I hardly think so. Regulus was the one who told me off for ignoring her about a month ago."

Sirius's eyes widen in surprise, "My Regulus? My little brother?" 

Remus nods, "Yes, the only Regulus at Hogwarts."

"I just can't believe Regulus would-- he's usually so quiet."

"Well, he made it pretty clear I was making everyone miserable, especially himself and (y/n)."

"Who knew it would be Regulus who eventually wore you down," James chuckles.

"Yeah, yeah," Remus adjusts his bag on his shoulder, "I'll see you at dinner."

"Don't have too much fun!" Sirius calls after him as he walks out of the Common Room.

***

"Remus," she comes up from behind him, books in hand. He notices she's got a quill tucked behind her ear.

"Ready to study?" he fidgets with the shoulder strap of his bag.

(y/n) smiles, "yes. I have a specific spot in mind." She guides him to a nook in the furthest part of the library. It has adequate lighting thanks to a small window nearby, and it's rather cozy due to the small size.

"What do you think?" she sets her books down on the petite table, looking up at him with hopeful eyes.

"It's private--" he feels warm on the tops of his cheeks and the back of his neck.

"It's nice, though? Regulus and I usually come back here--" Jealousy bubbles in Remus's stomach. "No need to frown, Remus," (y/n) chuckles, "it's just very peaceful back here, and Pince doesn't usually patrol as much..." She bites at her lip, looking embarrassed herself at the implication of being alone in the back of the library... together.

"I'll keep this spot in mind next time my friends won't let me study peacefully." Remus sets his book bag down by the leg of the table.

They sit down, their chairs extremely close together. Their shoulders brush against each other as they get their assignments out.

"What's yours on?" she nods towards his parchment.

Remus picks up his charms textbook, "Charms... more specifically, the Hand-Held Flame charm. How about you?"

"Potions. Slughorn told me to run wild with this assignment. Write about whatever I fancied."

Remus nods, looking at her with admiration, "you're that good, huh?"

(y/n) smiles, looking down at her quill, "It's just... interesting! I'm eons ahead of Regulus in Potions. He hates it but loves that I'm here to help him write his essays." 

"Regulus and Sirius seem so different, but they might be a lot more similar than they'd like to admit," he drums his fingers thoughtfully on the table.

"Oh, yes. Definitely. They both drive me insane. I don't know why I keep agreeing to stay for the Summer with them." (y/n) flips through the pages of her Potions textbook.

"It can't be that bad--"

"No. I adore them... but if I'm going to be completely honest, for the past few summers, I didn't stay there solely for them?"

"Why then? Was there something going on at home--?"

(y/n) looks at him for a second before looking back down at her text, "No, It's embarrassing... but I always hoped you'd come around Grimmauld Place..."

His heart soars at this confession, "Me?" He knows he sounds like he absolutely can't believe anything she's saying, but part of him can't. Why would she be so invested in seeing him? Enough to miss out on seeing her own family and friends back home for the majority of her break!

"Yes, you" (y/n) giggles, "I don't know how this is so unbelievable to you!"

"I'm just-- well me. I can't imagine anyone would go through the torture of hanging around Sirius and Regulus's constant bickering for me." He raises his eyes teasingly.

(y/n) hides a giggle behind her hand, "It's not that bad. They can be bad, but eventually, it just becomes entertaining."

"That's true," Remus shakes his head, remembering the time he watched Sirius tackle Regulus over the edge of the couch over a petty argument between the brothers.

"Anyways, you always eventually came around, so it was worth it in the end."

He tries to hide his smile, "I had no idea."

"I'm completely aware of that" (y/n) places her hand delicately on his. Remus looks at her hand for a beat as it rests on his own before moving it so he can feel the softness of her palm against his own. Her fingers curl against his.

"I'm somewhat unobservant about things like this," he looks up at her, "Sirius gives me shit for it constantly."

"About-- what female attention?" His face heats up at her soft giggles.

"Yes. I don't-- well, I don't usually date, I guess."

"Why not? I know loads of girls-- well, there's quite a few that I know of who think you're cute."

Remus shakes his head, "It's not that per say. I-- It's hard to know who to trust with my... well, you know."

"Do you trust me then?" she's beaming, her shoulder bumping his softly.

"I do, but also you pretty much knew already from your observations of me--"

"You make it sound like I was intently watching you like some creep."

Remus chuckles, "how did you watch me then?"

(y/n) rolls her eyes, "I suppose like any girl like a crush. You couldn't have thought I was at the Gryffindor table for Sirius."

Remus shrugs, "a lot of people try to get close to Sirius. Girls and guys are constantly trying to sit by us, specifically because of him."

"I highly doubt everyone was there for Sirius."

"Okay, everyone with the exception of you was there for Sirius," he teases, leaning closer to her. (y/n)'s eyes dart down to his lips and then back up to his eyes.

"Yeah... only me." 

Remus swallows, his own eyes roaming her face, which has inched even closer than before. "There's no way I'm letting you kiss me first this time..." He breaks the distance, feeling the smile on her lips as she climbs off her chair and onto his lap. Remus's hands find their place at her waist, immediately pulling her body impossibly close. (y/n)'s hands are warm on his cheeks as she tips his face up towards her. She kisses him greedily as his hands roam underneath her shirt moving down to rest on her butt. He tentatively squeezes the flesh, earning a moan from her, which he greedily swallows. The heat of their shared embrace makes him feel dizzy. 

(y/n) pulls away slowly, her fingers continuing to stroke his cheekbone, "we've got to do that more often."

Remus nods enthusiastically, kissing her again.

***

"How was studying?" Sirius is leaning against his bed's frame. He raises his eyebrows suggestively.

"Good," Remus walks past him to hang his bag on one of the hooks by his own bed.

"Got a lot done?" James smirks. He's lying on his stomach flipping through one of the Playboys Sirius had bought last time they were all in Muggle London.

"Yup," he rifles through his bookbag, hoping they won't ask any more questions.

"Hopefully, only studying--" Sirius starts.

"Merlin-- yes. Only studying." He hates the flush on his cheeks for giving away the fact that it was not only studying he and (y/n) did in the library.

Sirius and James chuckle, sharing a look. "I honestly didn't know you had it in you, Moony. Sirius, sure. But Remus Lupin? Kissing his girlfriend in the library? Unheard of." 

He rolls his eyes, "she's not my girlfriend--"

"Give him time, Prongs. He won't admit that till they're married."

Remus groans, "I haven't asked her. Who knows she could wake up tomorrow and realize what a mistake this is--"

James groans, "quit the self-loathing act, Remmy. Your girlfriend's crazy for you. Everyone can see it."

Remus schools his expression to not show how giddy those words make him feel, "You think so?"

Sirius rolls his eyes, "Gods-- yes, Remus. Do you know how many times I've had to listen to her prattle on about how nice and smart you are?"

Sirius's words make him giddy, "She's talked to you about me?"

"Didn't you just come back from a date with the girl?"

Remus grins, taking off his sweater to change into a more comfortable shirt.

[aleximedicusa]

𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐓𝐎 𝐍𝐏𝐂𝐒.  /  @miserysman​ asked: 👫 !!

well, obviously, we have to start with the most important one: peter! anyone who’s followed this blog for any length of time knows that peter is lewis’ ‘husband.’ of course, they can’t legally get married in the 1820s, but they consider each other husbands. lewis met peter in the summer of 1825 — he had worked himself to literal illness studying for his exam at the royal college of surgeons, and his friends john and katherine convinced him to take a summer to relax at their country estate. lewis was kind of a shut-in during that summer, so they finally convinced him to go and visit the local nobleman, the comte d’arces, since they knew he had an interest in science. lewis was so enamoured after their first meeting. he loved spending time with peter, and after spending 80% of his summer in the countryside at peter’s estate, the friendship grew into something more. 

they had to part for the rest of the year, but lewis came back in the summer of 1826, after he had triumphed in obtaining his license as a surgeon. it took them a month or two, but finally, they admitted their feelings and became lovers. 

apart from his relationship with lewis, here are the basics of peter: he is from a french noble family that fled france during the revolution, so peter was born in england, where he also grew up. he was... kind of a child born out of an obligation to have an heir. his father was a serial cheater who ended up dying of syphilis, so peter was always much closer with his mother. he was an only child afflicted with anaemia, so his father always considered him a disappointment, but his mother was kind. after she passed away, he inherited the house in the english countryside, which is where he’s still living when lewis meets him. he has a keen interest in lepidoptery — moths, specifically — and has advanced himself in the study enough to contribute to several scientific books on moths. he’s pretty reclusive: he doesn’t like large gatherings, just like lewis, and he would much rather spend his evenings bent over a microscope instead of attending balls. 

sadly, lewis’ career in london requires them to stay apart much of the time. for years, lewis refuses to resign himself to the life of a country doctor, and peter refuses to move to london. they see each other only a few weeks a year, which is torture for them both. after the anatomy act finally passes in 1832, which is so much of what lewis was fighting for, peter finally wears him down over the next few years. lewis finally realises that london life never made him happy — he was miserable his whole time there, and maybe he’s not the next john hunter who can revolutionise surgery. maybe it’s enough to know he helped pass the anatomy act and he can live as a small-town surgeon as long as peter is with him. they make the decision to move to switzerland, as many gay men did in the early 1800s due to the lax sodomy laws there, and they spend the rest of their lives in a little cottage in the mountainside. it’s not what lewis thought he wanted when he first moved to london in 1820, but he’s happy. they live out their lives together until their late 60s, content in their quiet happiness. 

( credit where credit is due: peter is the creation of my amazing best friend @dongiovannitriumphant​, so all of peter’s backstory is his creation! we’re just idiots who went ‘haha this surgeon is a nerd loser what if he met the moth nerd loser’ and we looked away for two seconds and they were suddenly madly in love )