#but he rarely even acknowledges us and never says thank you when my coworkers bring out his giant ass order

[fabulouslygaybean]

eugh. had to deal with my least favorite customer and i feel gross now

[aminiatureworld]

A Sea of Fragment VI

Word Count: 3.964

Warnings: Slight violence

Author’s Note: I’m back! This chapter was so enjoyable to write, I missed this series so much! Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Also yes I did see the 2.1 trailer. Scaramouche’s JP laugh my evil beloved.

After your little interlude of conversation with Scaramouche you had succumbed once more to the blinding heat that was enveloping you. Having little sense of the world around you, waking up to bits and pieces of movement only to be stolen away by the darkness again, you found yourself completely disoriented by the sight that greeted you when you finally woke up.

You were in a tent, that much was sure, though beyond that you weren’t really aware of much else. The bed that you were lying on, though slightly damp, was clean, and the top cover, which remained underneath you, was folded over neatly. There was a large table next to you, filled with what could only be medical equipment, as well as a dresser, a chair, and a bench, presumably there for medical purposes. However the high quality material of everything, the tent, the sheets, the pillow, made the whole room seem much too fancy to be a simple hospital tent.

You weren’t sure how long you lay there, too afraid to move in case the world started swimming again, when what could only be a medic walked in. The Fatui emblem was embroidered neatly above his breast pocket, but otherwise he seemed completely, almost unnervingly, normal. The only other thing of note was the Anemo vision strapped to his arm.

“Ah I see you’re awake. Good, I didn’t want to have to call the head medic in again, since she made it perfectly clear already that your case didn’t need her specific supervision. Still, when my lord Scaramouche came in shouting, she couldn’t very well say that, ignoring how banged up you were at the time.”

“Scaramouche was here?” You asked, head still slightly fuzzy.

It probably shouldn’t have been a surprise to hear that, after all you weren’t the one walking to the medical tent by yourself considering the state you were in. Still the image felt like an odd one. You figured he would’ve found someone else to do it for him. Letting this information rattle around in your mind you mutely listened as the medic asked you to hold out your arm for pulse checking, barely listening to his halfhearted small talk.

“Your pulse seems to be evening out a bit,” he finally said. “Good, you were going berserk for a little bit there. We even had to call in a healer, didn’t want you to die. Thankfully the healing seemed to help, my lord was saying something about your state being magic induced, and we were worried that there would be no effect.”

“Thank you for your concern,” you replied, knowing full well that this level of treatment was likely the result of being dragged in by a Harbinger. Still, you couldn’t help but feel somewhat grateful.

“It’s nothing. Better have you alive then a dead body on our hands after all.”

“Fair enough.”

“Still, you’ll have to take care. Your iron levels were also somewhat wonky, so we’re going to give you a week’s worth of pills for that. Come back in a week and if everything seems alright you’ll be good to go. Okay?”

“Alright.”

The medic nodded before walking out. Feeling still exhausted you flopped down on the bed. A breeze seemed to be blowing outside and a part of it came in through the slits in the tent. Letting the wind fan over you, you closed your eyes. Soon enough your thoughts swam into incoherence and you were dragged down into the realm of sleep.

 “My lord.”

Scaramouche jerked his head up from the papers he’d been half heartedly studying. Seeing the medic in front of him he immediately stretched himself up a little taller. At least this wasn’t something completely worthless.

“I assume you’re here to tell me about the condition of the person I left with you.”

“Yes, they have just woken up. Their vitals are no longer in critical condition, and they appear to be alert.”

“Good. That will be all.”

“Yes my lord.”

Scaramouche waited until the medic had left before letting his thoughts roam. You were awake, you were finally awake. Though he wanted to deny it, the relief that flooded through him made it all too apparent how worried the Harbinger had been. When you’d first woken up in his tent he had felt worried, yes, perhaps even slightly frantic. Still, he had assumed that that would be the end of it. You collapsing again had made his blood run cold in a way that rarely, if ever happened. He was Scaramouche after all. The Balladeer, the Harbinger who had no room for mercy in his heart, no time to worry about the lives of other people. After all, does the winter blizzard care about whose house it destroys? Certainly not, it only has to fulfill its goal. Yet he had cared about what was happening with you, even more than that, he’d been worried, perhaps even terrified.

Acknowledging these things left a bitter taste in Scaramouche’s mouth, but he wasn’t idiotic enough to try and deny it. Somehow you had managed to become noteworthy to him, important enough to draw such a reaction out of him. Was this some despicable side effect of your ability? No, it was unlikely. There was no use in looking for excuses or denials. What the Harbinger had to do now was figure out what to do with his predicament. He ought to crush it, to treat you as he would any other low-level lackey, he ought not to have brought you over to his personal section of the medical tents, should have had someone else carry you to the general wing. Those sorts of regrets were too late now however. He had acted out of pure panic, hadn’t even thought of the strict hierarchy that ruled all the lives of those who lived under the Tsaritsa.

Not did your aberrant status help, you who weren’t from Snezhnaya, who had no sense of authority, who had no true place amidst the Harbingers. You were merely there, a shadow that Scaramouche had hoped to command who had instead appeared to have manipulated him in some way.

Yet he couldn’t get rid of you, not now. You were still needed in some capacity, needed to tell him of the layout of the village, the location of the artifact, you had said it was a mirror. Besides, Scaramouche still wasn’t entirely sure whether or not Signora would want to inspect you, having brought you to Scaramouche’s attention in the first place. It certainly wasn’t out of the realm of possibility; Signora had a habit of going where she pleased, deriving satisfaction from the ability to draw irritation out of her fellow Harbingers. The mere idea of her sauntering in to inspect you brought a sour sort of taste to Scaramouche’s mouth. Now more than ever he loathed his coworker’s antics.

Still something had to be done, though what was still up in the air. Pondering this Scaramouche stood up. At the very least he ought to look after you, though whether this was tied into the emotions that roiled in him or simple logic he wasn’t yet sure of. At the very least there would certainly be more talking if he didn’t look on you than if he did. If there was anything that the Fatui loved it was erratic behavior. After all those who could be swayed into doing illogical things were certainly much easier to manipulate. No, better for him to make an appearance, to say that he was concerned you were on the verge of death which would have ruined his plans. This excuse in mind he stood up, urging his inner thoughts to silence as he walked out of the tent and into the afternoon sun.

The image he was greeted with upon entering your, or rather his, tent was all too reminiscent of how you had first looked in that forest where he had first met you. Face pale, a slight sheen of sweat visible on your brow, slicking your hair against your neck. Though your eyes had almost immediately snapped open upon hearing the voice of the medic they were unfocused, and for a moment it seemed as if you were squinting to make the Harbinger out.

It was a pathetic image of a person, and a mix of disgust, pity, and worry swept over Scaramouche. Silently hoping that he himself would never look so weak he sat on the only chair in the room, dismissing the medic with a wave of his hand, keeping his focus on you the whole time.

“So,” he began when you two were finally alone, “you have been saved from the teeth of death. If I had known the spectacle you were going to cause I would have never asked you to do such a thing.”

“Most visions don’t go that way,” you replied, voice husky and cracked from lack of use. “It was, it was because of the mirror.”

“You mentioned that before. This mirror, I presume it’s what we’re looking for.”

“I won’t look for it anymore,” your voice seemed to tremble slightly. “Even if my vision it was terrible. It warped the space around it, even from the future. If you were to get into the same room as it, were to try and touch it, I, I don’t know.”

“We must get a hold of it. If it is the Tsaritsa’s wish we would sacrifice a whole reserve for it.”

“How can you say such a thing?” you replied, voice quiet. The dispassionate tone sent a lance through Scaramouche, and for a moment he found himself unable to reply, knowing full well the answers he ought to be giving you, the total loyalty demanded by the archon he served.

“Still,” he finally continued, “you have showed me that you’re certainly not strong enough for this. From now on I will no longer provide you information about this mission, nor will I ask you to do anything to bring it about. All I need is a report about what you saw, if you wish you can write it yourself. There are other things that you would be better suited for.”

“What things? I don’t think you understand. I’m the only one who has seen what could happen, what seems very likely to happen based on the fragments that were lined up in front of me. The best outcome I saw was that you were unable to find it. The worst,” you took a deep breath in, “the worst outcome is that the village goes up in flames.”

“Ridiculous,” scoffed Scaramouche, feeling irritation rise up inside of him. “I thought you would be grateful to hear that you wouldn’t be required to look into the future again, instead you insult me, insult the Fatui.”

“I am glad that you aren’t going to try and force me into the future. I don’t think you could truly convince me to anyways, but I’d rather not fight about it. Still, I want to be there, to make sure that this doesn’t happen. I have to know what’s going on.”

“You don’t have to know anything. I don’t owe you information or position, you’re only here at my pleasure.”

“Yes! I am only here because you forced me to be here, only here because you asked me to do something I didn’t wish to do. And now you take the advice I give you and trample all over it! Why, why are you acting so irrational?”

“You’re the one acting irrational!” Scaramouche shot back, feeling a wave of panic shoot through him. The idea that you had managed to somehow divine the odd emotions that he was currently experiencing seemed unlikely, but that you could sense something was out of place was alarming. “I just need the report,” he pressed, feeling his voice raise in irritation, wanting this to be over.

As you stared at him, silence being your reply, the thoughts that whirled inside the Harbinger’s head seemed to get louder. Why was this suddenly so complicated? All Scaramouche’s career he had easily ordered his way around and over people. Deals were only made with other Harbingers, who quickly stepped aside to let the Balladeer do his duty. Never had someone simply refused his orders. The idea that you would do so, would turn down something so easy and to your benefit, was absolutely infuriating.

“I would like to rest a little more,” your voice finally broke through the thick silence. “I’m tired.”

“I would have gone a long time ago had you just listened to me,” Scaramouche pointed out.

“Please,” you shot him a look, “I’m not in the mood. I don’t want to fight either. I really don’t. It’s the last thing I want to do. I wanted to thank you in fact, for bringing me here rather than letting me lie on the ground or trying to slap me awake or something. But, but you just, you never listen. That’s what makes it so hard, what makes all of it so hard. You never listen so how, how are you ever supposed to hear me?”

The plaintive tone of your voice struck another blow, as Scaramouche found himself suddenly, suddenly what? He found himself leaning out of his chair, the urge to walk over to you so intense it seemed to steal the breath from his lungs. He wanted to do something, though what he wasn’t entirely sure of. To apologize? To demand? To scold? To, to console? What a stupid thing to do. Yet all these things he suddenly wanted to do. Of course he couldn’t do nay of these things, couldn’t push you any farther, couldn’t pull himself back. All he could do was lean forward, as if that might in some way convey what he was feeling.

“Is there something you want?” You asked.

“No,” Scaramouche stood up. “There is nothing more I wish to say to you.” What a lie that was.

Making his way over to the tent flap Scaramouche stopped. Quickly, almost in rebellion with his mind, he turned and walked over to you. Taking your wrist he pressed his fingers to it.

“Your pulse is still irregular,” he noted.

Spinning around and walking out of the tent the Harbinger fought the urge to scream at himself, scream for such an irrational act. Yet part of him wasn’t thinking about that at all, was instead marveling at how warm, how comfortable your hand had been in his own.

 It seemed like an hour had passed by the time your pulse managed to right itself, though surely only a few minutes must’ve passed. You held your wrist in your other hand, staring down at it, as if willing the scene that had just passed to reappear before you. What was that, what in Teyvat was that? You couldn’t make heads or tails of it, could barely acknowledge that it had indeed happened at all. Scaramouche, the Harbinger, the man who had only moments before been berating you, that Scaramouche had walked over to you and checked your pulse, held your hand in his, if only for a moment. It seemed laughable, seemed so surreal as to have been a dream, yet it had surely happened.

Of course maybe to him that had been a completely normal thing to do. After all, the medic had told you that your pulse had been irregular. Surely Scaramouche would have noticed that too. Perhaps his self-righteousness had caused him to want to make his own judgement on the state of your health. Still that didn’t stop your heart from leaping into your throat the moment it had happened, hadn’t stopped you from feeling like you were, for very different reasons than before.

You cradled your wrist, still able to feel the slight pressure his fingers had exerted on it, as if he had somehow branded you. His fingers had been surprisingly soft, not at all rough as you had expected it. Perhaps that was only natural, you knew that he sported no sword hilt, and there were no sharpening stones in his tent, meaning in all likelihood he was a catalyst user. Still, it was unexpected. His fingers had been surprisingly gentle, his palm with which he held your hand was soft and warm. You wondered for a moment what it would be like if he were to hold your hand properly. A small part of you wondered if you might yet do so in the future.

Almost immediately you shook yourself violently, willing those thoughts out of your head. Even now the idea of doing something so domestic, so intimate, with Scaramouche seemed odd, almost heretical. He was a Harbinger, a bloodthirsty man, one who evidently had no problem with a village going up in flames. And yet, and yet…

You sighed, lying back down on the bed. You should sleep, you were exhausted. Everything was going fast, oh so fast. You couldn’t keep up, couldn’t keep up with your feelings, with Scaramouche’s logic. All you wanted to do was block it out, to sleep. As you closed your eyes one final coherent thought floated through your head. He had, despite it all, not asked you to do it again.

 You never realized you were dreaming until about halfway through your dreams. Even then you had no power to stop them, they pulled you along, like a riptide, waiting to drag you down into their depths.

You weren’t exactly sure how you got into the village, the all too familiar landscape. It was hot, and your thoughts seemed to melting along with your legs, as you tried to run towards the now blazing rooftops, yet found yourself hardly moving. Yet you kept moving forward, intent on something, though on what you weren’t sure of. Something very important to be sure. If only you could reach it.

Reaching some sort of back you shinnied your way between the burning. The flames licked at your clothes and at you, but you couldn’t feel them, they certainly weren’t any hotter than the rest of you. In fact the only side effect that seemed to be happening was how close the walls were becoming, so much so that you were barely getting through. Still you kept going, and eventually you found yourself out of the seemingly endless tunnel.

There were a few men in the distance, men who seemed to be barreling towards. Unease spiked through you, somehow you knew that whatever happened they shouldn’t catch you. Yet another part of you dismissed them as no important enough. No, this wasn’t how you wanted it to go, there was something else. As you thought that they seemed to suddenly fade away, or perhaps it was that you had suddenly found yourself somewhere else.

Walking down this road that seemed so busy and so desolate you found yourself in field. Not questioning the black sky above you, the fact that there was a field in the middle of a tiny village, you approached a figure in the middle of the field. Somehow you already knew who it would be.

You had never really thought about the space that Scaramouche took up before. He was simply there, a man, a Harbinger, a person. Just there. Now however he seemed all too small, almost puny. His head was turned to the side, so much as to be unnatural. A slight dribble of blood pooled from his mouth, and his eyes stared with the glassy intensity of the dead, the kind of stare that would forever haunt. You seemed to float above him, high, high above. Yet you wanted to lower yourself, to shake him, to see if he was just pretending. Everything felt glassy and distant, like a play that you were part of but not actively participating in. Soon enough he’d pick himself off the ground and start yelling at you. Soon. Yet someone was wailing in the distance, and for once the voice seemed eerily familiar.

 You opened your eyes, at first seeing nothing before the cloth ceiling of the tent finally revealed itself to you. Lying there, not daring to sit up or roll over or do anything, you replayed your dream. Before it had seemed so distant, so disconnected from you. Now however it close, all too close. Your back was sticky with sweat, and the sudden heaving of your chest, cause panic to flood through your mind, revealed how truly shaken you were. You had seen Scaramouche dead before, had seen his fallen frame in your visions. It had been so different then however. Then he had just been a Harbinger, just been a demanding man. Now however he was, something. Something else.

All this time you had worried about your feelings for Scaramouche, worried that they were just some figment of imagination that stemmed from your visions of the future. Perhaps that was partly the truth, perhaps those visions had indeed provided the fuse for your emotions. Yet somehow you had lit them, or more aptly somehow Scaramouche had. The image of him lying there, dead on the ground, filled you with such distress that it seemed liable to drown you. Even if these feelings were somehow made up, the result of some imagined Scaramouche in the future, some need to line yourself up with some possible path, they were still real. Painfully so, if this was a sign of anything.

Finally sick of lying in one position you sat up. Though the tent was opaque enough you could see little bits of light through the slits of the tent, and the slightly warm air had the distinct feeling of it being at least midday. Standing up you made your way, somewhat hesitantly, over to the flap of the tent. You needed to see Scaramouche, if only to try and convince him again not to go through with such a ridiculous plan. You needed to make sure that your dream didn’t become a reality.

Walking through the tented hallway you quickly ran into the same medic as before, this time pushing a tray with food on it.

“Oh good you’re up,” he said, voice slightly bored. “Maybe you’ll be able to leave tomorrow then.”

“I need to talk to Scaramouche,” you said, words tumbling out and running into one another. “It’s something of the greatest urgency.”

“I’m sorry but my lord isn’t here.”

“Isn’t here? Then, he…”

“He went off on a mission, he said if you were ready to leave before he came back to move you back into your tent tomorrow and to wait until he returned for further instructions.”

“He’s gone?”

“Yes.” The medic replied, seemingly slightly impatient.

Turning around you fell right back onto the bed. Ruining the hospital corners you ripped the blanket over your head, willing it to block out all the light. You needed to get out, you needed to go find him. Somehow you knew it wouldn’t be that easy. Even if you wanted to you doubted the medics would cross Scaramouche’s orders to keep you here until tomorrow. Even more so you had no information on what exactly he had done, though you were almost positive that he had gone to the village. Even if he hadn’t though you had to go check, go make sure. What he was doing was madness, running into a situation without fully comprehending it, what in Teyvat was he thinking?

Anxiety welled up inside you, consuming any and all thoughts you might’ve had. In their place was fear, pure distilled fear. Fear for the Harbinger that you didn’t want to die, and fear for the future that might not come to pass after all.

[shoichee]

Request is about Rakuzan manager, who is a foreigner (from Russia). She is really popular in school, because the Japanese thinks that Russian are very pretty. But she thinks that she has ordinary appearance. Besides she always does her best for the team, tries to be the best manager for them and takes care of them because of her kindness. So Rakuzan boys warm up to her slowly. And Ore-Akashi slowly started coming to his sense (he's Boku-Akashi now), because she reminds him his mother.

Hi hi hi! Even after researching to portray this accurately, I am more vague on the specificality on Russian culture, especially in a Japanese high school setting, in order to make this more relatable and applicable. Still, I took care to implement some core values/general traits you’d see in Russian society // I HOPE I DID THIS JUSTICE;; 

[Rakuzan Manager f!Reader Headcanons]

you’ve always been the center of attention ever since you transferred to Rakuzan, a private school with extremely high standards

not to mention, your aura and looks completely encompasses that perfect “high-caliber student” look that every student wants so badly… so effortlessly? a lot of the students instantly took a liking to you just because of your appearances and how easily you stood out against the rest (especially in a collective society like Japan’s, where everyone is highly pressured to blend in)

but coming fresh from Russia, a society that focuses on individualism, you didn’t really see why everyone would suddenly worshipped you just because you expressed yourself freely… even so, in trying to make friends as a rare foreigner, you made sure to be kind to everyone

you made it out of your own way to always help the student council out with menial tasks, even if you weren’t a part of it, or always reached out a helping hand to other teachers, staff, and peers

so that may have shot up your popularity even more

your altruism easily reaches within earshot of Higuchi, the current 3rd-year manager of the Rakuzan’s basketball team, and he immediately soughts after you to invite you to the position of manager alongside him

after all, he’s going to graduate this year, so he wants to ensure that the team would be in good hands for the subsequent years

still, he’s quite nervous about introducing you to his… superiors, mostly because the team leadership has become quite… scary and strict this year

Higuchi brings you along as he slowly approaches Coach Eiji and the Rakuzan captain, who were both discussing about the imminent future of the team’s starting line and debating whether or not to switch around some players

Eiji noticed you first, and after hearing Higuchi’s suggestion, he immediately recognized you from how much the teachers and his coworkers had been praising you; hence, he has no doubt about you or anything… but he turns to Akashi to hear his input

all the while, the captain has been staring silently at you… and assessing you

“What do you think?” Eiji spoke up, glancing down to the 1st year in the corner of his eye.

“...” Akashi continues to sit with his hands clasped in front of his mouth

“It’d be an honor to become a manager for such a capable team!” you say, putting yourself into a deep bow to try to express your sincerity

“W-Wait, (y/n)-san, there’s no need to go to that extreme,” Higuchi says hurriedly, ushering you up

“S-Sorry, but I believe bows are used to express utmost deference and appeal?”

“Ahaha… only a few cases warrant a bow as deep as that.”

“Right, right! Noted…”

Akashi’s eventual sigh interrupted the both of you as he drops his hands into a more relaxed posture

“She’ll be useful. I have heard about her from other students within the student council. Shōta, you will keep her in line, correct?”

“Of course!”

“Then there is no need for this conversation to go any longer if this is settled with no further objections?” he turns to the coach for any further comments

“Yes,” he nods in agreement. “I hope you know this team expects nothing from the best from you, even if you’re only a manager.”

. . .

so here you are, on your first day as a manager alongside Higuchi, being taught the ropes of your duties: noting players’ favorite snacks and food, making sure there’s plenty of water bottles left, changing towels if needed… these honestly felt like normal chores to you, so you didn’t feel overwhelmed at all

“W-W-Whoa!! Our new manager is a girl?—Ow, Reo-nee!”

“Sheesh, show some respect to the manager! Quit looking at her like that!”

“B-But…”

“Hello!” you waved at them, popping up right in front of them, and Hayama quickly jumps to gain some distance for himself out of shock

“The foreign transfer student?!”

“I’m a new manager here, and I hope we get along!”

“Ah…” Mibuchi turns to you with a hand on his chest and a slight bow of his head in acknowledgement. “I must compliment you on your Japanese. You speak as if you’re almost native—in fact, your way of speaking is more elegant than most people here.”

“Thank you!” you beam at him. “Yes…! I’ve worked to at least become fluent for the JLPT N2, so I’m very glad you complimented me so!”

“Reo-nee, you tell me to back off, but you’re being chummy with her right now! Ei-chan, look! Don’t you agree with me?—Wha, where did he go?”

“Who knows?” Mibuchi shrugs indifferently. “But it’s no wonder that it’s been a lot quieter around… by the way (y/n)-chan, are all Russians as striking as you? It makes me a tad bit envious that such beauty is effortless to you.”

“No, no!” you deny with a laugh. “We’re quite ordinary, you see? I think everyone has their own type of beauty to admire and appreciate.”

“Oh! Beautiful words spoken by a beautiful person! Ah… I’ve been called by Higuchi-san. I must part but I hope you’ll allow me to ask you more questions later!”

as you wave off Mibuchi with a smile, Hayama only frowns at you as he crossed his arms, irritated at the fact that you don’t seem too keen on using honorifics for the upperclassmen:

“Look, you might’ve gotten Reo-nee to approve of you, but don’t think the rest of us will be just as accommodating. We’re serious about basketball, so don’t slack off and bring us down.”

but you only turn to him with a smile before giving a slight bow before replying: “I will put 100% of my time and effort, so everyone can do their best on the courts with peace of mind!”

Hayama immediately gets flustered, not expecting such a warm response to his words and he scratches head and replies loudly, “U-Uh… yeah, just, just don’t screw it up for us.”

the first week of being manager was just like what Hayama spoke about: most of the players were wary of you because you were extremely different in how you carried yourself, or curious about you for that same reason… perhaps you were recruited out of pity?

there were a handful of teammates who were brave enough to ask you questions about your culture or personal background

Eikichi, on one hand, asked about your cuisine and whether there were “big guys” like himself that can be a challenge to his strength (you only laugh at him as you easily answer all of his questions)

“I heard the Russian men are unbelievably strong! *flexes his own biceps* Their muscle masses are rumored to be insane!”

“W-Well… it’s different for everyone, but I agree that we’re very strong-natured and have dignity for ourselves.”

“Ohh, (y/n)-chan… that must be why you stand out so much yourself!”

“Mibuchi-kun, you’re very striking yourself, you know…”

and here is Hayama petulantly huffing all the while, doubting you all the while still

“Here you go again, forgetting to add senpai after Ei-chan and Reo-nee!”

“Why should I?” You tilt your head in confusion. “Whether I add such honorifics or not doesn’t change how much I respect them, Hayama-kun.”

“It’s Hayama-senpai to you!”

“If you’re spending this much time fixated on this, then you can spend that much time practicing and showing me the skills to earn the respect you want! Come on! Chop, chop, chop!”

. . .

“Ei-chan! Don’t you get mad when (y/n) doesn’t address you properly?! Reo-nee, what about you?!”

“Huh? I’d never be mad at someone who doesn’t seem to mind me burping at all, and she never scolds me about this stuff like Reo does—”

“Who wouldn’t?! It’s gross, seriously! While I do not understand her tolerance of your vulgar manners, her eloquence and natural aura is equal to those of Sei-chan’s… so in my eyes, I see no need for her to use such honorifics.”

“HUH?! Reo-nee, but why?!”

his opinion of you only gradually changes when you never seem to snap at him back even though he’s being a little shit when you’re around… you remind him of a motherly figure… but a kind, level-headed one, which is slightly different from the naggy mother-hen (but good-intentioned) vibe Mibuchi gives off

besides, anyone with eyes can see how much you scurry around holding handfuls of towels and bottles for all the players, even for the bench players

people think it’s really odd that you’re so physically close to the teammates, especially when you link arm in arm with them or give little distance when you talk with them; as a result, a lot of speculation of “dating” and “relationships” pop up when your name is brought up

the Uncrowned Kings easily squash those rumors… Akashi’s presence alone is also enough to silence them LOL

Mibuchi is the main guy who always likes to link arms as a symbol of your shared friendship

. . .

it’s an odd relationship between you and Mayuzumi… no matter how much you call out to him, he ignores you, and no matter how much he ignores you, you still treat him the same as ever

“Stop pestering me,” Mayuzumi clicks his tongue, blatantly making the effort not to face you properly, and you finally smile, seeing that he finally acknowledged your presence

“Ah, you’re quite the blunt one, aren’t you, Mayuzumi-san?”

“If you get that, then go away.”

“Well, I can’t! You’re part of the lineup, so I am especially not going to neglect you.”

“Are you this mindless to help people like a saint and then expect everyone to adore you? As far as I’m aware, most see you as some ‘exotic’ curiosity and nothing more. And I frankly love myself too much to be associated with such people. If you’re only here out of pity, beat it. Now.”

“Well, it seems like you care enough to tell me that,” you muse, but your face hardens with a serious glint in your eye. “But heed my words when I say this Mayuzumi-san. I am not doing this to be a people-pleaser. I am doing this for myself and only myself. I want to be a good person because it is a decision I make for myself. When there is a choice of being a good person versus bad, I’ll choose to be the best version of myself at any moment. That is my own definition of self-respect. No way in hell I’m doing this because I feel sorry for you… I will complete my duty with my pride as Rakuzan’s manager on the line.”

he’s stunned at your words, and he instantly relaxes his posture before he turns to continue reading his novel on hand… “I see.”

he actually likes the fact that your culture allows people to be more outspoken about their opinions, since he’s all too aware how the majority of his own peers are constantly worried about collective reputation and doing things for the sake of others

Mayuzumi becomes a lot more… cooperative with you from that point on

he relates to your words of having high self-respect and pride, and he’s pleasantly surprised that you actually know how to hold your own ground despite being very kind // even if he finds it weird that being a manager makes you happy… but since it’s something you do for your own sake, he can learn to respect it; after all, he reads light novels for his own happiness

imagine his unadulterated surprise when you not only brought him bottles, snacks, and a towel (that’s the part he expected from you), you slipped in new issues of the latest light novels within the towel bundle (this is what caught him off guard)

you’re suddenly seen in a good light in his eyes

. . .

it’s been almost a month since you’ve been recruited, and most of the teammates have now accepted you as one of their own, more or less, but something bothered you that you couldn’t help but ask Rakuzan’s senior manager

“Higuchi-san, don’t managers need to do some analytic work for the team statistics? It seems that all we do is mundane tasks.”

“Ah, most of the analytic work is done by Akashi.”

“But why? Does he not trust the managers with this work? Does he see us as not capable?”

“Not exactly… he’s very… particular about ensuring the best possible strategies for victory. So far, whatever he’s been doing has earned him complete trust from the entire team and even our coach.”

“Wow… that’s… a really impressive feat for a 1st year…”

“No one’s really surprised though. (y/n)-san you may have just transferred here so you might not know, but he was Teiko’s previous captain and the main public face of the Generation of Miracles…”

after he finished giving a crash-course on their prodigal status in the basketball world, you’re more fired up to work harder for Rakuzan as the manager

“Besides, (y/n)-san, our main duty of being a manager is to maintain the well-being of our team. All these little things add up, and surely, the team knows to appreciate these gestures from us.”

you actually later approach the Uncrowned Kings to playfully complain about why they didn’t tell you how prestigious they truly were on the courts (after learning about their status from Higuchi)

“Huh? (y/n)-nee, now you wanna show respect to your senpais, huh?”

you don’t miss the playfulness in his complaint as he tries to ruffle your hair… and also the way Hayama has recently addressed you differently

“This is different, Hayama! You have such titles under your belts because of your skills and accomplishments on the court… that is extremely admirable!”

“D’awww, it’s nothing, really.”

of course, they all have pride in their titles, but they all immediately turn the direction of the conversation to Akashi, saying they were nothing compared to him

that only made you more curious about the captain

you actually never made conversation with him throughout the month because you were so busy with your duties and helping out everyone… but you finally decided to try to help the captain in any way

Akashi has been observing you for the entirety of your time in the team… that much is to be expected, considering that he needed to evaluate your performance and compatibility with the rest of the teammates to make sure that there is still unity even with the addition of a new person (after all… as much as he doesn’t want to admit, he is still fearful of the possibility of his team crumbling from the inside again)

the fact that you even got Mayuzumi to approve of you in his own way actually impressed him; even he himself had to be authoritative to get Mayuzumi to be cooperative on the team

it’s the little things you do that reminds him of the tickles of nostalgia, when he first played basketball with his late mother, within his mind: the way you were the only one giving positive encouragement to the players in a club filled with cutthroat competition and perfection; the way you made sure that everyone was calm and collected before they walk into the courts; the way you diligently remember and cater every care package and preference to every unique player, in addition to your minimum duties.

he unconsciously mellows out whenever you approach to him to speak, and he only realizes that fact every time you leave the conversation to continue your next to-do on your schedule

“Akashi-san!”

he turns to look at you impassively, but he stands to wait to hear what you have to say

“Can I help you with anything in any way?”

“Are your assigned duties of manager not enough?” he asks, but he continues to give little away from his blank expression

“No, no, that’s not it,” you reply. “I was wondering how I can extend my hand to also help out the captain of the team as well. After all, it’s important for the managers to care for the well-being of every team member… you’re no exception!”

“Do what you think is best to ensure victory,” was all he said before he left

you’re now confused… did he mean for you to keep up your work as normal? did he trust you enough to let you decide what to do on your own? his vague words certainly threw you in for a loop

still, the Rakuzan teammates were able to breathe easier whenever you were in the same room as Akashi, because there’s always a gentler aura around him when you’re near the vicinity

sometimes his Orekashi side slips out, whether he gives an open compliment to a good play (albeit, delivered in a calm, spartan way) or when he gives an occasional perfect-rhythmed pass that leaves his teammates in a stupor

Akashi’s mannerisms towards you as the manager is as subtle as a speck of dust, but he’s grown a quiet sense of respect for you and the atmosphere you’ve brought to the team

however, it will only be at the final game where his Orekashi side will fully reawaken again

if any student dares to approach you with insensitive questions and comments about your race and culture with stereotypes, they should be expecting all hell breaking loose from the basketball team in 3… 2… 1…

[thisaliennerd]

can you please elaborate on why you think kurt is the toxic abusive one in the klaine relationship? maybe i’m biased but i don’t see it.

Yes, I absolutely can, thank you for asking! I’ll start with the basic points and then I’ll elaborate with examples under the cut in case y’all don’t feel like reading an actual essay today. (I’ve also put the link to the google doc in my linktree in my bio which might be a more accessible way to read this as it is a 25 page essay)

Kurt takes every opportunity to tear Blaine down and takes advantage of Blaine’s compulsive need to help/build up the people he loves, to ensure that he has as much power over Blaine as possible

He refuses to talk about problems in the relationship (of which there are many) when they arise, sometimes actively shutting Blaine down when he tries to talk about it, but gets angry when the problems worsen, accuses Blaine of pulling away, and puts the emotional burden on him

He refuses to acknowledge his own fault in ANYTHING, both in his relationship with Blaine and in his other relationships

When they aren’t together, Kurt drags Blaine along, sabotages and undermines Blaine’s relationships, and refuses to allow him to move on, all while actively pursuing other relationships himself, ensuring that Blaine is always there as a fallback plan

He is INCREDIBLY jealous, even before he had any reason to think that Blaine would cheat, despite Blaine repeatedly shutting down people’s (read: Sebastian’s) advances, and Kurt frequently flirting with and playing into people flirting him while dating Blaine

He says he loves Blaine, but he also implies that if anyone else came along that could make him feel the same way, he would leave

He is rarely supportive of Blaine in general, especially if he isn’t doing something that could potentially help Kurt, in contrast to Blaine being pretty relentlessly supportive of Kurt in everything he does

He holds the things that Blaine’s done wrong in their relationship over his head, even after claiming to forgive him

He’s just pretty selfish and narcissistic in general 

So, let’s go deeper into it, these are complicated and nuanced issues, and I’m sure you need more evidence than just some bullet points, especially for such a popular ship.

Power Dynamics

Let’s start by analyzing the power dynamics between Blaine and Kurt throughout the show and how it affects their relationship. When we meet Blaine in season 2 episode 6, Kurt is in an incredibly vulnerable place, dealing with intense bullying and homophobia at school. Blaine, despite only being (presumably) fifteen and a sophomore, is astoundingly poised and confident. This is where we see Blaine at his happiest. He seems very sure of himself, and this stands in stark contrast to Kurt. Upon seeing this in Kurt, Blaine quickly opens up, sharing that he had a similar experience not too long ago. He gives Kurt advice, encouraging him not to give up and to have courage, building Kurt up. He even comes to McKinley, seemingly during school hours, to confront Karofsky with Kurt. Throughout this, he is calm, comforting, and continues to build Kurt up as best he can. This behavior continues from Blaine as the season continues. Once Kurt transfers to Dalton, Blaine is in a minor position of power as the lead singer of the Warblers, however, he routinely uses this power to keep building Kurt up. He laughs at Kurt’s jokes (s2e9), gives him advice on how to integrate into the new environment (s2e9), and even gets him a lead in a song for Regionals (s2e16). However, when Kurt transfers to Dalton, we begin to see a different side of him. He becomes exceptionally bitter and jealous of Blaine. We see him getting upset over Blaine getting solos in multiple episodes (s2e9, s2e16), despite how kind and accommodating Blaine has been. He openly criticizes Blaine’s performances, saying that they’re all the same (s2e16), and this marks the first example of Kurt tearing Blaine down. Blaine gives up the opportunity for another solo and risks his position by standing up to the Warblers and telling them he wants to sing a duet with Kurt (s2e16). Kurt is also very dismissive of Blaine’s identity struggles. The first and most notable example of this being in season 2 episode 14. Blaine questions whether he might be bisexual and Kurt is not only biphobic but also dismisses Blaine’s crisis. He tries to dictate Blaine’s identity and is passive-aggressive and bitter for the rest of the episode. We get several more examples of this early in season 3. 

In season 3 episode 1, Kurt pressures Blaine to transfer to McKinley, even saying that he was being passive-aggressive, something we’ll see Kurt do often in arguments going forward. Although he maintains a playful tone of voice, it’s very clear that he isn’t joking. Blaine expresses concerns about leaving his friends, and Kurt implies that he isn’t sure that their new relationship can survive if he doesn’t come to WMHS, stopping just shy of actually putting the ultimatum out there, but certainly implying it. Blaine decides to transfer, a move that not only screams codependency but also further brings Blaine down. Kurt is back in his element, he’s a senior, this is his school, whereas Blaine is now a newbie as a junior, abandoning his role as lead of the Warblers for Kurt. And although Blaine initially claims that he came for him, it’s obvious that that isn’t the case, and Blaine confirms that he did it for Kurt later (s4e3, s4e7). In episode 2, Kurt works to further limit Blaine by convincing him not to audition for Tony. Here we see an example of Kurt’s manipulation. He never explicitly tells Blaine not to audition, but just makes passive-aggressive comments until Blaine decides not to audition, asserting his power over him. Again, Blaine is giving up opportunities in order to maintain his relationship with Kurt. Blaine even hesitates to read for Tony when directly asked, because he’s worried about how Kurt will react. And sure enough, Kurt is visibly upset when Blaine’s asked, and while it’s reasonable that he would be disappointed, he shouldn’t have put that on Blaine at all. We see the culmination of this little storyline at the beginning of episode 3, and on first watch, this seems like a sweet scene. Kurt congratulates Blaine for getting Tony, gives him flowers, and says he’s proud of him. However, it’s in Blaine’s reaction that we see the problem. He says, “You always zig when I think you’re about to zag, and I love that about you,” and again, this almost seems sweet, but the undertones of that comment are that Blaine didn’t think that Kurt would be supportive. He was genuinely worried that his boyfriend wouldn’t support him getting the lead in the musical. We see that throughout season 3, Blaine struggles in the New Directions. He tries to fit in, but the group is immediately antagonistic towards him, refusing to listen to his ideas. Kurt says nothing about this, even when it comes from Finn. He doesn’t call them out, he doesn’t even comfort Blaine about it. They spend most of this season pretty equal, but this isn’t enough for Kurt, as he gets his NYADA audition and begins to rise in status, he also continues to tear down Blaine. Flashing forward to episode 17, we see a lot of issues come to the surface here, which will come back later, but we also see more of Kurt tearing down Blaine. Kurt says that it’s hard being Blaine’s boyfriend because he’s “an Alpha gay”. He complains that he doesn’t get solos, implying that it’s Blaine’s fault, even blatantly lying by saying that he used to get solos every week. He manipulates Blaine, putting the fault on him, refusing to apologize for his actions, only apologizing for how it made Blaine feel. Eventually, Blaine is the one forced to apologize. This conversation is especially interesting in comparison to their conversation in season 5 episode 16, but we’ll come back to that. First, let’s talk about season 4. 

In season 4 episode 1, their power dynamic has shifted yet again, Kurt got rejected from NYADA and Blaine was a senior and lead singer again. Kurt is clearly uncomfortable with this, but Blaine just continues to lift up Kurt. He tells him to New York and gives Kurt the confidence he needs to follow his dreams. Here’s where their relationship begins to fall apart. Now that Kurt is in New York, he immediately encounters success at Vogue, and as soon as he does, he pulls away from Blaine. He is now way above Blaine, and Kurt doesn’t need him anymore. He feels like Blaine is only limiting him. He prioritizes his success and career over Blaine, which is of course, fine when he does it, but not fine when Blaine does it. He actively ignores Blaine, not just to do his work, but also just to gossip and chat with his coworkers (s4e3), even when he knew that it was an important night for Blaine. He minimizes Blaine’s concerns and successes, talking over him and constantly pivoting the conversation back to himself (s4e3). Then, of course, comes the breakup in episode 4. Blaine explains that he did what he did because he felt that Kurt was moving on. Now of course this doesn’t justify what Blaine did, but throughout all the conversations about this incident, Kurt never acknowledges that he had any part in what happened, again putting one hundred percent of the burden on Blaine (s4e4). This continues throughout the season. Blaine constantly has to apologize, but Kurt never has to, because everything wrong with the relationship prior to Blaine cheating gets ignored. The breakup destroys Blaine’s self-esteem, and it becomes very evident that Blaine doesn't know who he is without Kurt. Kurt has successfully taken a very confident young man, made him dependent on him, and then not only left him but ghosted him (s4e8), completely wrecking him. He purposely didn’t forgive Blaine to hurt him (s4e8). It's Blaine’s senior year, he's finally made it back to where he was in season 2, and now he's not even able to play the lead in the musical. Blaine has hit rock bottom, and just as he starts to recover, getting a crush on Sam, becoming closer with Tina, gaining some self-respect and confidence back, Kurt reenters Blaine’s life. We’ll talk about this more later, but Kurt decides to lead Blaine on, keeping him dependent on Kurt, not allowing him to move on (s4e8, s4e14). For example, he calls Blaine right before he’s about to perform at sectionals only to remind him that he still hasn’t forgiven him, and tells him that they can see each other at Christmas, even though he decides not to go back for Christmas not two episodes later (s4e8, s4e10). Then he hooks up with Blaine at Will’s wedding, even though he doesn’t want to get back together and he knows how Blaine feels about him (s4e14). This continues for the rest of the season. At this point, Kurt holds all the power over Blaine. He is not only successful in the outside world, working at Vogue and going to NYADA, but he has also destroyed Blaine’s self-confidence and ensured that Blaine is dependent on Kurt. On to season 5. 

In season 5 episode 1, we get the reunion. This scene is another scene like the Lima Bean scene in season 3. It seems cute and romantic, Kurt plays it in a playful way, but in a closer analysis, it becomes more insidious. Blaine begs Kurt to get back with him, and he talks about how they’ve effectively been dating for weeks. At the end of the scene, Kurt reveals that he intended to say yes the whole time, as he had prepared a song, but before he says yes, he puts Blaine through some more manipulative games. Kurt keeps his voice light, but Blaine is very earnest, clearly taking it to heart. Blaine asks Kurt to be his boyfriend again, and Kurt says he doesn’t think it’ll work, because last time, Blaine cheated. Blaine gets very upset, saying that they’ve been over this and that he’ll “never ever cheat on [Kurt] again”. Kurt says that he wants Blaine to sign a contract, and Blaine says that he’ll sign anything as long as Kurt will get back together with him. These lines are interesting because Kurt sounds like he’s joking, but Blaine absolutely doesn’t. He is so desperate to get Kurt back, and Kurt, who again, has already decided to get back with Blaine, is dragging this out and holding the cheating over Blaine’s head. But Kurt still doesn’t let it go. He says that he’s not even sure if relationships work, requiring Blaine to keep begging. Finally, he agrees to get back together, but it’s clear in this scene that Kurt enjoys having this power over Blaine, and he likes making Blaine beg for forgiveness. He made him do so for the entirety of season 4. I’ll talk more about the proposal later, but here I would like to point out that the use of All You Need is Love is interesting, because there is much more to a functional relationship, but generally, these two seem to ignore this because they love each other. They spend the first half of season 5 separate and don’t interact often, however, when they do talk, it is still clear that Kurt, as an adult out in the world, holds supremacy over Blaine, and when they do talk, Kurt often belittles Blaine’s high school problems in favor of talking about his own, insulting Blaine and then pivoting the conversation to him as soon as he can (s5e7). In fact, Kurt is so unsupportive that Blaine has to make a puppet version of him just to get validation and forgiveness (s5e7). We even see Kurt controlling what Blaine wears multiple times (s5e6, s5e14). Blaine has been built up more from season 4, but this is only because he’s back with Kurt, again reinforcing his dependence on Kurt. The next major conflict in their relationship comes in episode 14. Blaine has just moved to New York and in with Kurt. Their new power dynamic is solidifying. Blaine is adjusting to a big change, and he's struggling with it. He's trying his best to be with Kurt in this new environment, but he’s not sure how to handle it. He’s intimidated by how sure of himself Kurt is and just wants to find a place for himself in Kurt’s life. His solution is to try and do things for Kurt. It worked in high school, but here, it only pushes Kurt away further. Kurt feels suffocated by Blaine, but he openly lies to Blaine about it, refusing to address it until it reaches a boiling point (which he does often). Desperate, Blaine tries to carve out a place in the apartment for himself, but Kurt hates this. He becomes aggressive, claiming that the apartment is his, and not theirs and that Blaine shouldn’t be making changes. At the end of the episode, Blaine is the one who suggests the solution of him moving out, pointing out that they never had a conversation about him moving in in the first place. During this conversation, Blaine is very earnest again, constantly reassuring Kurt that he doesn’t want to break up, and is physically very intense, trying to make eye contact, moving to connect with Kurt, and initiating a hug, while Kurt feels completely detached, avoiding eye contact, keeping his voice monotone, and looking pretty disinterested. Sidenote: In this episode, Kurt also demands that Blaine ask Sam to move out even though he’s the one who wants him gone in the first place.

But the most compelling evidence comes in episode 16. Blaine has been in the city for a little while now but is still struggling to find himself. He’s started gaining some weight from comfort eating and he’s insecure about it. In this episode, the textual focus is actually on the change in their power dynamic, so here is where it’s most obvious. Blaine feels uncomfortable with Kurt being hit on by other men, but it’s shown that Kurt isn’t shutting these advances down at all. Blaine feels distinctly inferior to Kurt, and it’s fueling his insecurities. Kurt notices that Blaine’s insecure, but decides not to talk to him about it. Instead, he repeatedly comments on the food that Blaine’s eating, reinforcing Blaine’s insecurities about his weight, and tearing Blaine down further. There’s also an interesting scene in this episode where Kurt, Blaine, Artie, and Sam are all out getting dinner together, and Sam asks about a free clinic to get tested for STDs. Kurt answers and then throws in a comment about the time Blaine cheated. This visibly upsets Blaine, but he also seems annoyed by the comment. It’s wholly unnecessary and doesn’t add anything to the conversation, all it does is make Blaine feel bad. This is the second time this season we’ve seen Kurt bring this up for no reason and the casualness of the comment coupled with Blaine’s reaction implies that this may be something he brings up frequently. At this point, Blaine has again been brought low, the confidence he had temporarily built backup is gone because it was all based on Kurt. Kurt is at least somewhat aware of this but still doesn’t talk to Blaine about it. He halfheartedly reassures Blaine about his body (a surface symptom of the deeper problem) in between comments about his food, even convincing Blaine not to eat the (perfectly reasonable) food he made in favor of a salad. Then, he discovers a porn website on Blaine’s computer. He becomes very upset and angry about this, while Blaine is visibly uncomfortable. Kurt verbally says that Blaine can do whatever he wants on his own computer but gets increasingly angry. He yells at Blaine about how they haven’t had sex in a week but doesn’t question why, he just storms out. In the next scene they have together, Blaine enters their stage combat class, where Kurt already is, late. This already puts Kurt in higher standing within his environment. Blaine is angry and asks Kurt why he didn’t tell him that he didn’t want to walk to class together. Kurt is dismissive and says he just forgot, but his tone and body language doesn’t support this. Blaine asks if Kurt is still upset about the website, and Kurt says no, but his tone is still angry and dismissive. Blaine then suggests that they should talk about the fight, but Kurt shuts it down, saying, “You know, Blaine, sometimes I think we talk too much”. They start fencing, and Kurt, who knows that Blaine’s been struggling in this class, both with the content and with making friends, publicly embarrasses him in front of the whole class. Later, they finally have a conversation, but again, this is only happening after their problems reach a boiling point. Kurt comes home and asks Blaine what happened in combat class, saying “you were really coming at me,” not acknowledging that he too, was aggressive in his fighting, and being very confrontational (including closed-off body language). Blaine reveals that he feels like he has to prove himself. He feels like he’s falling behind Kurt and is unable to support and protect him, which had previously been an important aspect of their relationship all the way until Blaine moved to New York. Kurt is immediately unreceptive and angry. He says that Blaine shouldn’t want to be superior to Kurt and that they should want to be equals. Blaine quickly apologizes, feeling even worse about himself, but Blaine never says that he wants to be superior, just that he feels so far behind Kurt, and as we’ve established, Kurt has been systematically tearing Blaine down for years. Blaine tells Kurt that he feels terrible about himself and his body and feels like Kurt is going to judge him. Kurt claims that he would never judge Blaine, but again, had been making comments about the amount and type of food Blaine was eating. Blaine then says that he’s afraid that if he can’t do things for Kurt, Kurt will outgrow him, and once he no longer needs him, will stop loving him. This isn’t an unreasonable fear, as this is similar to what had happened when Kurt first moved to New York, but this also expresses a deeper fear of Blaine’s that can be traced back to his childhood. As shown in season 3 episode 15, Blaine had a very bad relationship with his older brother, Cooper. Cooper is shown as very selfish, always needing Blaine to be doing things for him and making every conversation about him. This not only mirrors a lot of Kurt’s behavior but also explains why Blaine feels he will be abandoned if he can’t do things for people. It’s already happened to him. Kurt says that he would never leave Blaine, which also proves to be false in season 6, but he also says that Blaine needs to tell him when he feels this way. However, Blaine tried twice, in the porn fight scene and in the stage combat scene, to talk about it, and Kurt shut it down both times. Again, Kurt is putting all the emotional burden on Blaine, deflecting his own fault, and gaslighting Blaine about previous events. Finally, they make up, but in the final scene, Blaine seems to have developed an eating disorder, and Kurt says that they have decided to eat out less often and work out more, but Kurt was already doing those things. Another example of Kurt trying to control what Blaine eats. 

Moving on to the rest of season 5, in episode 18, Kurt invites Blaine to perform with him for June Dolloway. Blaine kills his performance and June asks only him to be her project. Suddenly, their dynamic has shifted again. This is a major success for Blaine, and Kurt’s been stalling recently. Blaine now has a lot more power and we see a glimpse of the old Blaine return when he performs for and with June. However, Kurt doesn’t react well to this throughout Blaine’s time with June. Immediately once Blaine gets picked, Blaine feels guilty about it, almost turning it down. Kurts assures him that it’s fine, but qualifies it by saying that it’ll be good for both of them, even saying it’s “[their] careers” instead of Blaine’s career. Later in the episode, Blaine and Kurt are finally having time together after Blaine has been spending a lot of time with June, Kurt says, “I’m upset with you,” and Blaine immediately looks terrified. He freezes, tenses, and panics. He’s walking on eggshells around Kurt, and no one should ever be scared of their partner. As with the flowers scene in season 3, Blaine is genuinely worried that Kurt will be upset about him taking an opportunity because Kurt wanted it for himself. Kurt is generally only supportive when it’s potentially beneficial to him. Blaine is so worried about upsetting Kurt that he decides to lie to him and tell him that he’s in the showcase June is organizing for Blaine. In episode 19, Blaine gives up a big opportunity with June to go to Kurt’s show, and then the storyline finishes in episode 20. Blaine fails to convince June to let Kurt into the showcase and is forced to confess to Kurt. Blaine attempts to explain the situation, but Kurt says he can’t trust Blaine or anything he says, and then reacts physically, throwing a bag of food onto the floor. Blaine jumps to his feet, apologizing and explaining that he didn’t know what else to do because he was scared of hurting Kurt’s feelings, but Kurt just storms out. Now, of course, Blaine shouldn’t have lied, but only a few episodes earlier in episode 14, Kurt lied about Blaine not crowding him so as not to hurt his feelings. Kurt does similar things all the time, but Blaine has to suffer for it. Later in episode 20, Kurt and Blaine talk again. Blaine, visibly upset, says that he doesn’t want to do the showcase because Kurt is more important to him, implying that he thinks he has to give up a major opportunity for his career for Kurt. Kurt responds by coming up with a confusing metaphor, waxing poetic at Blaine (sarcasm and figures of speech are something that Blaine already struggles to understand throughout the show), dragging it out, and making it sound very bad, so Blaine keeps apologizing. Then Kurt finally stops him. He says he understands what happened, and even, for the first time, takes some responsibility. He acknowledges that the way he was acting would have led Blaine to believe that lying was the only option. This is Kurt’s best reaction to a fight across the show, but it shouldn’t have gotten here. And because, yet again, Kurt pushed Blaine until he snapped and messed up, Kurt is the one with the power. He’s the one to forgive, and Blaine is the one who has to relentlessly apologize and then thank Kurt when he forgives him. And sure enough, because Blaine is so dependent on Kurt, he is incredibly relieved when Kurt forgives him, and thanks him repeatedly. He’s very physical here too, hugging Kurt, but Kurt is, again, very closed off, not very receptive. Blaine, again suggests that he won’t do the showcase without Kurt, and although Kurt does tell him to do it, it’s insane that this is even a question in Blaine’s mind. Plus the whole “I’m the luckiest guy in the world,” “Yeah pretty much,” interaction just rubs me the wrong way. In the end, Blaine risks his partnership with June to sing with Kurt anyway, which again, he shouldn’t have had to do. Every time Blaine is more successful, he tries to lift Kurt up to his level, even when it’s risky for him, but Kurt constantly tears Blaine down, even when he’s in a better position. Finally (for this point), let’s talk about the trainwreck that is season 6.

Season 6 is a lot more complex when it comes to power dynamics specifically. At the beginning of episode 1, they've broken up, and it’s had a profound effect on Blaine. He got very depressed, which makes sense, because he’s become so reliant on Kurt, got cut from NYADA, had to move back to Lima, and he wasn’t even able to play music for a while. He still seems to be struggling emotionally, while Kurt is in New York at NYADA, and initially, in the episode, it seems like Kurt is doing well. However, when Kurt comes back to Lima this shifts again. Kurt wants to get back together with Blaine, but Blaine is dating someone else, Dave Karofsky, and seems fairly happy in this new relationship. And because the focus of their arc this season is their journey to get back together, at this point, Blaine holds more power. It doesn’t matter that Kurt is in a better place in his life and career, because not only is that not the focus, but Kurt is now also in Lima. Blaine has begun the process to move on from Kurt, and this has happened once previously in their relationship, back in season 4, and just like in season 4, right as Blaine begins to move on, Kurt decides to reenter his life. Of course, the difference here is that Kurt hasn’t attempted to move on like he did in season 4. His sole purpose is to get Blaine back, and this actually gives Blaine more power because Kurt is openly pursuing him, instead of subtly leading him on. But before we continue with season 6, let’s do a closer analysis of the breakup scene, because I think, like season 5 episode 16, it illustrates a lot of the problems in the relationship very clearly. 

This scene is shown via flashback, and Kurt is the one having the flashback. This is interesting because it’s been established, at this point in the episode, that Blaine and Kurt have been broken up for months, and based on Kurt’s reaction to this memory, this is the first time Kurt has dealt with the breakup. We see he remembers this scene, starts crying, and then the next time we see him, he’s back in Lima to get Blaine back. So, the flashback begins with Blaine arriving at the restaurant, it’s raining heavily. Kurt is already there, waiting for him. Blaine is very happy. He apologizes for being slightly late, explaining that it’s because of the rain and because he had stopped to check on a venue for their wedding. He seems very excited about this venue. The camera pans over and we see Kurt’s face for the first time. He looks annoyed, and he asks why he’s always the first to arrive. Blaine’s face falls a little but he explains again, repeating that he found a venue that’s available for their wedding, still excited about it. Kurt, again, doesn’t respond to this and just changes the subject to ordering food, annoyed. Blaine’s face changes, and he seems to register that Kurt isn’t going to respond positively to this step in the wedding planning. He says that he doesn’t want to fight, but he feels like he’s the one who’s been doing all the wedding planning. Kurt says nothing, just passive-aggressively puts down his menu, and stares at Blaine in an accusatory way. Blaine, very genuinely and earnestly, asks Kurt what’s wrong, actually begging Kurt to just talk to him, and asks him if he’s having second thoughts about the wedding. Kurt doesn’t flat out answer the question, instead, he says, “Have you noticed how exhausting it’s been ever since you moved back in?” The way the question is phrased puts the fault on Blaine in two ways. First, it asks him if he’s noticed that living together has been exhausting, instead of Kurt saying that he, personally, has been struggling. It frames it as an objective truth that Blaine has failed to notice. Secondly, Kurt says, “since you moved back in” putting the struggle to live together on Blaine. He doesn’t say, since we started living together again, or since we moved back in, he says, since you moved back in. This also has undertones that Blaine is an outsider in Kurt’s home. An invading force, rather than a partnership, and it implies that Kurt has made no progress in the weeks or months since season 5 episode 14 and that allowing Blaine to put in the office space was just a surface level change (s5e20). Kurt angrily brings up a fight that they had over him wiping his mouth off with a towel while there was toothpaste on his face. His tone indicates that he thinks that this is a stupid fight over nothing, but Blaine responds, “Well, how is someone else supposed to use it when you leave it like that”. This suggests that this genuinely matters to him, and not that he was picking a fight over nothing, as Kurt seems to think. Moreover, the way Blaine says it is a bit angry, which is a little unusual for him, and could indicate that Kurt often brushes off these things that bother Blaine. Kurt, getting increasingly angry, says that he thinks that they’re failing at living together. Blaine, also getting angry, says “Thank you for finally saying something truthful. Where's that guy been...you’ve been completely aloof and...totally remote and distant. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore”. These lines give a lot of insight into their relationship. As we’ve discussed, when they fight, Kurt tends to get very closed off and withdrawn, something we also see in this scene. Even as Blaine is saying these things, Kurt is withdrawn, not making eye contact, and passive-aggressively nodding. But this line suggests that this is something Kurt does whenever there are any problems. This is also supported by previous fights, see season 5 episode 16, and season 3 episode 20. Kurt doesn’t like talking about relationship problems (or even potential problems like in s3e20), and instead just avoids them, often meaning that Blaine ends up needing to handle it. Blaine continues by saying, “I feel like you’re just silently judging me”. This is the second time Blaine has expressed concerns about Kurt judging him during a fight (the first time was in s5e16), which could speak to his own insecurities, however, the Blaine we see in season 2, was not like this. He had some normal teenage doubts, but this kind of deep-seated insecurity wasn’t present. This has slowly been introduced to Blaine’s character throughout his relationship with Kurt, and although Kurt says he wouldn’t judge Blaine (s5e16), as we discussed, he does. Blaine constantly feeling judged by Kurt even after season 5 episode 16 suggests that Kurt hasn’t actually changed any of his behaviors and is still making comments that make Blaine uncomfortable. Blaine asks if Kurt even wants to marry him, and Kurt blurts out, “Maybe I don’t!” He then withdraws back into himself again, looking away and refusing to answer when Blaine asks him what changed. Since Kurt refuses to speak, Blaine starts to cry and asks Kurt if he did something to cause this. Kurt still doesn’t respond. Blaine says that he loves Kurt and that he knows that they can make it work. Kurt says that he loves Blaine too, but that they’re too young and that they should give up before they hate each other. This exchange, too, shows the differences in how they approach this relationship. Blaine is willing to work on the relationship. He wants to be with Kurt, and he would go to the end of the earth to keep them together. Kurt isn’t willing to do this. He just wants the relationship to function without working for it. And because Blaine is very dependent on the relationship for his confidence and self-esteem, he is generally willing to do much more work to maintain it than Kurt. But because Kurt isn’t willing to discuss problems until after a blow-up, that’s still not enough. Kurt has kept his voice and face empty and cold for most of the fight, and even as Blaine breaks down, he maintains this. Blaine tells Kurt that he’ll never forgive him, and then the flashback ends.

The season 6 break up fight is distinct from the others in that both the show and Kurt himself acknowledge that it was Kurt’s fault. He’s the one who needs to apologize, and this changes the power dynamic too. In all the other fights, in the end, Blaine is the one who apologizes, so Kurt has the power to accept or reject said apology. The texting fight in season 3 is the most similar, but Blaine is framed as unreasonable for being upset during that fight and in the end, he’s the one who ends up apologizing and resolving the issues. But this fight also doesn’t resolve itself immediately. Kurt’s apology doesn’t fix their relationship, and they stay broken up for most of the season. However, their power dynamic doesn’t stay the same for the rest of the season. The first real shift comes in episode 4. Up until this point, Blaine has seemed pretty comfortable in his relationship and Kurt has been chasing Blaine and not seeing anyone else. This changes in episode 4 though, Kurt starts talking to a guy online, Walter, and when he tells Blaine about it, it becomes incredibly clear that Blaine hasn’t gotten over Kurt. His relationship is being sabotaged, so that tether to moving forward is weakened. While Blaine obviously isn’t over Kurt, he is very supportive of Kurt trying to move on and doesn’t say anything bad to Kurt about it. And while his body language and tone indicate that he is sad about Kurt moving on, it’s much more bittersweet than anything. This contrasts with Kurt’s reaction to finding out about Karofsky. He’s been bitter, angry, and up until this episode was undermining their relationship with snide comments. At this point, they’ve leveled out, Kurt is entering a new relationship, and Blaine’s relationship is on shaky ground. Episodes 5 and 6 continue this pattern, as Blaine and Karofsky get rockier and Kurt and Walter get stronger. Kurt now is back above Blaine. He’s moving on, but he’s still available, but Blaine is getting pulled back into Kurt and is in a relationship. Episode 7 is where we see another major change in their relationship. Kurt manipulates the random duet wheel to get Blaine chosen as his duet partner even though he’s kind of dating Walter. Blaine mentions that Dave still thinks that there’s something between Kurt and Blaine. Then, after they sing their duet, they start talking about their relationship, specifically their early relationship in season 2, and Blaine kisses Kurt. Before the kiss, they’re talking about their first duet, way back before they even started dating, which was when Blaine was his happiest and most confident. This brings back false nostalgia for a time when Blaine was both confident and happy with Kurt, a time that never really existed since Kurt started tearing Blaine down right as they start dating. However, memories like this are what is being conjured for Blaine, and in an effort to recapture this, he kisses Kurt. Of course, he has a boyfriend, so immediately afterward he rushes off. Now the power is wholly on Kurt. Blaine has betrayed his new relationship and his feelings. He’s revealed that he’s still in love with Kurt, and now Kurt, just like season 4, has two vying love interests. Kurt has the power to choose, whereas Blaine’s relationship with Karofsky is doomed. More than that, Kurt has actively been pursuing Blaine even through this episode, and he's done the thing he always does where he pushes right up to something without explicitly crossing boundaries until Blaine snaps and acts. In this particular situation, this has flipped the power dynamic so now instead of Kurt having to try and get Blaine to come back to him, Blaine is the one who’s going to try and go back to Kurt. Sure enough, Blaine and Dave break up and Blaine goes to try and get back together with Kurt, but Kurt is going out with Walter. Blaine says nothing, he doesn’t criticize Walter or say anything snarky, he just lets Kurt go, reinforcing that Kurt has the power. In episode 8 we get the reunion. Kurt cuts it off with Walter, but the way he does so is interesting. He says, “I’m going to the wedding with Blaine,” but he hadn’t asked Blaine to get back together with him or go to the wedding with him. He seems so sure that it’ll work out with Blaine, even though he doesn’t seem to know that Blaine and Dave broke up. He shows up at Blaine’s apartment, confesses his love, and asks Blaine to go to the wedding with him. And initially, it may seem like Blaine has the power here, but on deeper inspection, there isn’t any risk here for Kurt, and he knows this. The second Blaine kissed Kurt, it becomes clear that Blaine would go back to him as soon as Kurt would take him. Their interaction here shows this, Kurt does say, “Unless there’s someone else,” but it’s tacked on, a formality (I also think this line shows that he didn’t know about Karofsky), and Blaine immediately responds, “There’s no one else”. He doesn’t even hesitate. When it comes down to it, Kurt is the only person for Blaine. 

But let’s briefly sidebar and talk about how that isn’t true for Kurt, and how that gives him power over Blaine. Kurt doesn’t really care about who Blaine is, he cares how Blaine is making him feel, and if someone else came along that could make him feel that way, he would probably leave. This is a bold claim to make, so let’s look at some evidence. In season 5 episode 1, Kurt talks to Burt about whether he should say yes to Blaine’s proposal. On this car ride, he looks nauseous and wildly uncomfortable. He tells Burt that he isn’t sure if he wants to marry Blaine, and says “[Blaine] makes me feel so connected and so safe and loved, and I don’t think I’m ever going to find someone else who’s going to make me feel like that”. He says he loves Blaine, but that statement also implies that if someone else came along that could do those things, Blaine would lose the thing that makes him valuable to Kurt. Blaine’s proposal speaks to how well he knows Kurt, it’s grand, romantic, and nostalgic. It’s everything that Kurt enjoys, but Kurt seems uncomfortable through most of it. Blaine is relentlessly supportive of Kurt, but Kurt rarely supports Blaine, because what he values in Blaine is what he can do for him. In his wedding vows he talks about how Blaine pushes the shadows away from Kurt so he can shine (s6e8). That’s what’s most important to him. Kurt tries to date Adam, and initially, he seems to really click with him. Adam compliments Kurt a lot (s4e11), and as shown in season 3 episode 17, this is something that Kurt responds to. However, once he realizes that this doesn’t fulfill him in the same way (s4e15), he drops Adam very quickly (s5e1). Every time Blaine looks at Kurt, it’s so clear how in love with Kurt he is, but very rarely do we see this in Kurt. This gives Kurt the ability to mess around and play with Blaine’s feelings, knowing that if he ever wants to come back to Blaine, he’ll be there. Because there’s no one else.

Finishing season 6, Blaine and Kurt decide to get married (well, Blaine makes the call because Kurt refuses to give straight answers to anyone), and we’ve looked at Kurt’s vows, but let’s look at Blaine’s. Blaine says that he didn’t think that he would ever find love (s6e8). This is pretty worrying. Blaine was fifteen when he met Kurt, and he’s only nineteen or twenty now, so this speaks to how deep Blaine’s insecurities run at this point in his life. After the wedding, Blaine and Kurt seem to be in a good place. Their relationship isn’t the focus of the rest of the season, so we don’t see much of them until episode 13, but they seem to be on equal ground. Then in episode 13, we get a powerful insight into the direction their relationship is headed, but it’s actually not the flashforward. Early in the episode, Blaine and Sam have a conversation about Sam coming back to New York. Sam says no, and one of the reasons he cites is that there are too many sports teams and he doesn’t know who to root for. Blaine responds, “We just root for whichever one’s winning,” and Sam says, “Ok, that’s something Kurt would say”. This is already concerning on its own, but Blaine just says, “That’s what happens when you get married”. Football is something that Blaine has always liked. In season 2 episode 7, Blaine mentions that he’s a college football fan, and in that scene, Kurt changes the subject almost immediately. Then, in season 4 episode 10, we see Blaine and Burt bonding over sports. It’s something that he’s always liked, and him starting to have this sucked out of him is concerning. Kurt is slowly taking away Blaine’s interests, controlling him more. Sam even looks worried when Blaine says this. In that same scene, Blaine almost sounds like he’s trying to convince himself that he’s happy, or at least convince Sam that there’s nothing wrong. Finally, we see Blaine and Kurt five years later. They seem happy, but they’re having a baby, and while there’s nothing strictly wrong with that, having a baby as performers in their mid-twenties (24-26) seems like an odd choice. Both of them can’t work 8 shows a week and have a child, so what’s their plan going forward. They’re so young, in New York, there’s no reason for it. To wrap up this section of the analysis, Blaine is introduced as a very confident young man, but Kurt systematically tears Blaine down in order to not only feel superior to Blaine but also to control him. He frequently talks about how important trust is in a relationship, and he weaponizes this against Blaine, constantly telling him how he doesn’t trust him (s4e7, s5e17, s5e20). He lies to Blaine, demeans his feelings and accomplishments, and manipulates him.

Support: Blaine vs. Kurt

Earlier, I presented the claim that Kurt isn’t very supportive of Blaine, especially in comparison to how supportive Blaine is, and how this coupled with the amount Kurt tears Blaine down creates an environment where Kurt has a lot of power and control over Blaine, so here are some examples of this. The first example of Kurt being supportive of Blaine comes in season 2 episode 12. Kurt convinces the Warblers to do the Gap Attack, but when he realizes that he isn’t the guy Blaine has a crush on and it no longer benefits him, he has to be talked into even going by Mercedes and Rachel. As discussed, in season 3 episode 3, Kurt congratulates Blaine on getting Tony, but this is only after discouraging Blaine to audition and being visibly upset when he was asked to read for Tony. In season 3 episode 11, Kurt is pretty good about Blaine’s surgery, however, he doesn’t even consult Blaine or his family when he gets direct evidence of Sebastian committing a felony, just hands the evidence over to Sebastian. In season 3 episode 15, Kurt gives Blaine advice on talking to Cooper, but this is after he spent the entire episode fawning over him when it clearly made Blaine uncomfortable. In season 3 episode 19, Kurt tells Blaine not to put hair gel back in after Brittney forces him to take it out at prom. However, this comes after Kurt mocked Blaine’s insecurities and laughed at him when he showed up to prom with his hair out. We see little to no examples of Kurt being supportive after he leaves for New York. The next time we see Kurt being supportive of Blaine comes in season 5 episode 6. Blaine is freaking out about auditioning for NYADA, and Kurt is very gentle and calming. However, this isn’t wholly unselfish. Kurt wants Blaine to come to New York, to go to the same school as him, it’s season 3 episode 1 all over again. He even pressured Blaine to sing at the diner when he looked visibly uncomfortable with it in the name of support. We also see him celebrating Blaine getting into NYADA in episode 12, but this is the bare minimum of support. He is cautiously supportive of Blaine getting picked up by June, but this is also selfish. He talks multiple times about how this will benefit his career (s5e18), and him eventually telling Blaine to do the showcase even without him is, again, the absolute bare minimum (s5e20). However, there are a few times where Kurt was genuinely supportive of Blaine without an ulterior motive. The first example of this is in season 2 episode 20. Kurt asks Blaine to prom, but Blaine tells Kurt that he was bullied at a Sadie Hawking’s dance before he transferred to Dalton. Kurt is immediately sympathetic and encourages him to stand up to the bullies while saying that if Blaine is uncomfortable with going, they won’t. And in season 6 episode 10 when Dalton burns down, he’s very good about handling it, but it’s saying something that those two are the only strong examples of Kurt being genuinely supportive, speaks volumes. (There are also three times in the show where Blaine tells Kurt that he loves him and Kurt either doesn’t say it back or hangs up before he even hears Blaine, once in season 4 episode 4 (5:25), once in season 5 episode 9 (12:50), and again in season 5 episode 19 (33:20), and it just bothers me a little.)

Let’s compare this to Blaine. In season 2, Blaine helps Kurt around Dalton (s2e6), helps Kurt with Karofsky (s2e6), laughs at Kurt’s jokes when no one else does (s2e9), helps Kurt adjust to the Warblers (s2e9), helps him with Pavarotti (s2e9), convinces Burt to give Kurt the sex talk (s2e15), gets Kurt a duet for Regionals and making it something that’s in Kurt’s wheelhouse (s2e16), giving Kurt a pep talk before he goes on stage (s2e16), goes to prom with Kurt despite his past trauma (s2e20), helps Kurt calm down after he’s elected prom queen (s2e20), and dances with Kurt after Karofsky runs out (s2e20). In season 3, Blaine transfers to WMHS for Kurt (s3e1), is very supportive of Kurt when he loses the student council election and tells him not to give up on NYADA (s3e7), pushes Kurt out of the way, and takes Sebastian’s Slushee (s3e11), congratulates Kurt on his NYADA audition even when he’s about to get surgery (s3e11), and is very supportive of Kurt through his panic about his audition (s3e18). In season 4, Blaine tells Kurt that New York is where he belongs and encourages him to leave (s4e1), supports Kurt’s music video even though Kurt is being wildly unsupportive of him throughout it (s4e4), and assures Kurt that he’ll always be there for him even if they aren’t together (s4e10). In season 5, Blaine agrees to fly out to NYC in the middle of the school week with only a few days notice (s5e7), gives Kurt advice on Elliot when Kurt is being paranoid (s5e9), stays with Kurt in the hospital when he gets attacked (s5e15), is very happy for Kurt when he reveals he got picked for June’s show even before Kurt offered him a part (s5e18), chooses to go to Kurt’s nursing home performance over a big opportunity with June (s5e19), and inviting Kurt to perform with him at June’s show even though it could cost him the partnership (s5e20). In season 6, Blaine does all the wedding planning (s6e1), never says a bad word about Kurt dating other people when Kurt was antagonistic and cruel about him dating Karofsky (s6e4, s6e7), and pushes the glitter bomb box out of Kurt’s hands, physically protecting him again (s6e11). This is just the shortlist, and very few of them are selfishly motivated at all. In fact, many of them actively go against his own interests and involve giving up opportunities. This dichotomy is a prime example of what reinforces Kurt’s power over Blaine. Blaine is willing to give up everything for Kurt and gives him everything he has, but Kurt not only won’t do the same in return but exploits Blaine’s generosity. 

Cheating and Double Standards

So, let’s talk about cheating, romantic jealousy, and the double standard of their relationship. Kurt is immediately possessive of Blaine, even before they start dating. He puts a picture of Blaine in his locker within a week of meeting him (s2e6). In season 2 episode 12, Blaine reveals that he has a crush on another guy, and Kurt, who had constructed a relationship with Blaine in his head, gets very upset. Despite being all too willing to help Blaine when he thought it was about him, he needs to be talked into even going by Mercedes and Rachel. Then, in season 2 episode 14, Kurt gets extremely jealous about Rachel and Blaine kissing and going on a date even though they’re not dating yet. In season 3 episode 5, Blaine meets Sebastian Smythe for the first time. Immediately, Sebastian hits on Blaine very aggressively, but it clearly makes Blaine extremely uncomfortable. Blaine agrees to go to The Lima Bean with Sebastian, and Sebastian continues to hit on Blaine, even more overtly this time. Blaine looks even more uncomfortable and quickly and forcefully shuts Sebastian down multiple times, talking about his boyfriend and how much he loves him. Despite Blaine being in the middle of shutting Sebastian down as Kurt shows up, Kurt is immediately very jealous and possessive. Sebastian suggests that they all go out to the local gay bar, and while Blaine seems interested, he turns it down because he knows Kurt isn’t. Kurt agrees to go but to rival Sebastian, not because Blaine wants to go. Then when they do go out, Kurt decides to spend the night moping at the bar instead of dancing with Blaine. However, Blaine keeps looking over at him, clearly wanting him to come dance with them. He’s not dancing inappropriately with Sebastian, he’s just trying to have fun, and Kurt’s being weird for no reason. He’s really happy when Kurt comes to dance with them, and there’s obviously nothing insidious going on. However, when Kurt and Blaine are fighting and Kurt is bringing up mostly good points, he also throws in that Blaine spent half the night dancing with another guy, which again, was not Blaine’s fault. Then, Blaine has to swear to Kurt that Sebastian doesn’t mean anything to him when he’s been shutting down his advances the whole episode and is clearly not interested. It seems like Kurt believes that Blaine doesn’t have feelings for Sebastian, but he acts exceptionally jealous every time Sebastian shows up, and Kurt talks about him so often that Blaine yells at Kurt to stop bringing him up in season 3 episode 14. 

In season 3 episode 17, we have the first cheating scandal. Kurt needs music for his NYADA audition, and he tells Blaine this and asks him to go to the music store, Between the Sheets with him. Blaine seems upset and says he can’t. Kurt doesn’t ask him why he can’t go or why he’s upset, just decides to go on his own. At Between the Sheets, Kurt meets a guy, Chandler. Chandler is very complimentary towards Kurt immediately, which Kurt responds very positively to. Then, as he’s leaving, Chandler’s comments turn flirtatious and he asks for Kurt’s phone number. Despite it being very clear that Chandler is hitting on him, Kurt gives him his number and doesn’t mention that he has a boyfriend. Kurt starts texting regularly with Chandler. The texts are very flirty, and although Kurt initially doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with it, once Rachel calls him out, he does seem to realize that it isn’t innocent. He says that Blaine hasn’t been complimenting him or trying to have sex with him recently, but he hasn’t spoken to Blaine about it. He texts with Chandler while ignoring Blaine, who is visibly upset, during Rachel and Santana’s duet. Later in the episode, Blaine ends up reading the text messages between Chandler and Kurt. He’s very upset and says that it’s cheating. Kurt denies that it’s cheating and compares it to Blaine talking to Sebastian. Blaine denies this, saying that he didn’t have feelings for Sebastian, and Kurt has feelings for this guy. I agree with Blaine in this situation. He didn’t have feelings for Sebastian and made it clear that it made him uncomfortable when Sebastian hit on him. Kurt does have feelings for Chandler, he was reciprocating the flirting, it’s a different situation, and Kurt is in the wrong. Moreover, considering that Kurt has been ignoring Blaine in favor of Chandler, I do think it’s reasonable to consider this cheating. It’s also notable that sex is not, and never has been, the most important thing to Kurt in a relationship. It’s important in the same way it would be to most teenage boys, but it isn’t how he primarily displays intimacy, so Kurt not having sex with this guy doesn’t mean that he’s not pursuing him. However, Kurt continues to deny that he did anything wrong. He justifies it by saying that Blaine never compliments him. He then says that it’s hard to be Blaine’s boyfriend because everyone wants to be with him. Blaine says that Kurt should have talked to him about it, but Kurt ignores this and continues to dismiss Blaine’s concerns. He doesn’t apologize, he only says that he’s sorry if it made Blaine feel uncomfortable. He tries to dismiss Blaine’s feelings again by saying “it’s ok”, and Blaine storms out. They sing some dramatic songs at each other, Kurt denies that what he did was cheating yet again. Kurt brings Blaine to talk to Emma. Blaine is very upset and vents about a lot of issues he has with Kurt being rude and not respecting boundaries, and then he reveals that he actually is more upset about Kurt preparing to leave for New York than anything else. He’s upset that Kurt keeps talking about it in every conversation because he feels like Kurt’s running away from him and is going to abandon him (which will prove very prescient). Kurt promises that he’ll never do that and Blaine shouldn’t worry. Kurt never admits that what he did was wrong, but at the end of the episode, he says that he told Chandler to stop texting him. Unlike Kurt with Sebastian, Blaine never mentions Chandler again (unless you count that one line from Tina’s body-swapping dream thing, but that’s not real, so I choose to believe that Tina is just outraged in Blaine’s honor), and seems to not only have moved on but forgiven him as well. 

Let’s move on to the next significant cheating incident, season 4 episode 4. Kurt has been ignoring Blaine since he got to New York. In the previous episode, he ignored a call from Blaine on a night he knew was important to him, the night of the senior class president election,  to chat with his coworkers about nonwork-related things (s4e3). and early in the episode, Blaine and Brittney have a conversation about how hard it is for them now that it seems like Kurt and Santana are too busy for them. Kurt calls Blaine (in the middle of the school day), but he immediately has to go. He says that the phones won’t stop ringing at work, Blaine is understanding and tells Kurt he can call him back later. Kurt says he can’t because he’s working until midnight. Kurt says that he understands that it’s frustrating, but this could be a career for him. Blaine says that he understands and then attempts to communicate about the issues he’s having and what he’s feeling. He says that he really misses Kurt, and says “I miss talking to you, and I miss hugging you, and I miss messing around with you,” confirming that they’ve barely interacted in a while. Kurt says, “But you’re coming in two weeks, right?” as if it’s ok for them not to talk for weeks. Two weeks is a long time, especially because when they were first discussing this in season 3, Kurt assured Blaine that he would Skype him every day and that they would see each other every weekend (although even then, he says that Blaine will come and visit him, and never offers to visit Blaine in Lima) (s3e17) and then Kurt had put off practical conversations about doing long distance in favor of flowery language and empty promises even when Blaine actively tried to initiate conversations about it (s3e22). Kurt has broken his word to Blaine and isn’t being a good partner. Blaine expresses that he doesn’t know how he’s going to handle waiting two weeks, seeming genuinely worried and upset, but Kurt doesn’t even acknowledge this. He says that someone is calling with good gossip and that he has to go. He says he’ll call or text Blaine on a break and hangs up without another word, not even waiting long enough to hear Blaine say “I love you” to him. This deeply hurts Blaine, and throughout Barely Breathing we see him calling Kurt, feeling lonely, and then talking to another guy on Facebook. Blaine shows up at Kurt’s apartment on Friday night, which means he would have had to leave straight from school, and since he seems to only decided to go the night before at the earliest, it would have been wildly expensive. Throughout his time in New York, Blaine is clearly upset, and to his credit, Kurt does ask him about it several times, and Blaine eventually admits that he cheated on Kurt. Kurt’s first reaction is to say, “It was Sebastian, wasn’t it?” really nailing home that he still hasn’t forgotten about that, and that he already didn’t really trust Blaine. Blaine says it wasn’t and tries to explain to Kurt that it didn’t mean anything. Kurt asks who it was again. This upsets Blaine further, and he says “It doesn’t matter who it was with, Kurt, what matters is that I was by myself. I needed you. I needed you around, and you weren’t there.” That is the crux of the issue. Kurt has been ignoring Blaine, and both of the times we see him do this are explicitly for gossip, not essential work reasons. It’s implied, though, that he’s been doing this a lot, and if the only two times the audience is shown this are both inessential reasons, it can be extrapolated that these aren’t isolated (s4e3, s4e4). Blaine has tried to raise his concerns, but at every step of the way, Kurt shut him down, brushed him off, and refused to talk about it (s3e17, s3e22, s4e3, s4e4). Kurt has been a bad boyfriend, and unlike season 3 episode 17, Blaine actually tried to reach out to talk about it before he cheated, whereas Kurt didn’t. Blaine says that he was lonely and made a mistake, but that he’s really sorry. Kurt says he’s been feeling the same way, but he didn’t act on it because he knew how awful it was. While this is totally fair, it’s important to note that Kurt has a whole exciting new life and career in New York. He has a lot to look forward to and to keep him busy and distracted, and Blaine’s been supporting him in this (s4e3). However, Blaine is in Lima, there’s very little going on, and even being at McKinley is a constant reminder of Kurt and his absence. The few things in his life that were exciting for him were belittled, demeaned, and overshadowed by Kurt (s4e3). Blaine felt Kurt pulling away because of his new life, something he had been terrified of might happen (s3e17). Kurt knew that this was an insecurity of Blaine’s, and yet he doesn’t put any effort into assuaging his fears. Blaine shouldn’t have cheated, I’m certainly not saying it was justified, but Kurt contributed significantly to the problems in the relationship that led to this action, and that shouldn’t be overlooked. Blaine apologizes again, but Kurt rushes off. On what presumably is the next Monday, since the breakup happened on a Friday so there wouldn’t have been school the next day, Finn is back in Lima and he talks to Blaine. Blaine says that he doesn’t know why he cheated on Kurt, but now Kurt won’t talk to him and he doesn’t even know if they’re broken up, despite, again, three days passing. We see Kurt at work. He seems upset, but also says that he’ll be ok. 

We see Blaine continue to beat himself up for a large amount of season 4, all the way through episode 11, where he starts to move on. In episode 7, Blaine is torturing himself about cheating. He almost leaves WMHS, but Sam talks to him about it. He affirms that it was a one night stand, that he felt nothing, and that he immediately regretted it. Kurt is upset for a while, but he refuses to take any responsibility. He also talks about how he doesn’t want to forgive Blaine because he wants him to feel bad, and only decides to accept Blaine’s apology for himself (s4e8). He calls Blaine right before Blaine is about to perform after ghosting him for weeks, but only to remind Blaine that he doesn’t forgive him and to lie to him about coming back to Lima for Christmas (s4e8). Kurt isn’t required to forgive Blaine, but he keeps holding it over Blaine’s head, reminding him of what he’s lost while he’s struggling, and given that he previously said that he wanted Blaine to suffer, it colors it slightly. On Christmas, Kurt decides not to go back to Lima for Christmas despite promising Blaine, and when Blaine comes to New York, he feels the need to ask, “You are happy to see me, right?” despite Kurt having said previously that he wanted to see Blaine for Christmas. Both Kurt and Blaine start to move on in season 4 episode 11, and although Blaine’s crush on Sam is real, he’s still very clearly in love with Kurt. Kurt is trying much harder to move on, and his relationship with Adam seems to have the potential to become more serious. He’s already pretty close with Adam in season 4 episode 13, and it seems like Adam is very interested in Kurt. 

The next major turn of events comes in season 4 episode 14. At Will and Emma’s wedding, Blaine and Kurt are making out, and Kurt mentions that he shouldn’t be doing this because he’s kind of dating someone in New York. Blaine, somewhat desperately, assures him that it’s ok because he’s not in New York and it’s not exclusive. Kurt agrees but clarifies that this doesn’t mean that they’re back together. Blaine agrees, saying it’s just “bros helping bros”, but clearly he doesn’t actually feel that way. He’s still in love with Kurt, while Kurt is starting to move on. Kurt spends the entire reception flirting with Blaine while saying that he doesn’t want to get back together, and that would be fine if Blaine was in the same place as Kurt. But he isn’t. Blaine is just trying to claw his way out of the darkest place he’s ever been in, and he’s using Kurt to do this, but this isn’t healthy. He’s been conditioned to feel like he needs Kurt to feel worthy, and this is only reinforcing this. Kurt is also weirdly jealous when he finds out about the Tina situation for someone who isn’t interested in Blaine. Also, Tina makes fantastic points in that argument. Kurt and Blaine hook up, and Kurt, again, reiterates that they’re not getting back together, but Blaine isn’t in a place to see them having sex as casual and insignificant. He is viewing it as more, and Kurt is the older, more mature one, and he knows how Blaine feels. He is leading Blaine on by playing into it. Having sex, going on dates, he’s not letting Blaine move on like he is. 

Speaking of Kurt moving on, let’s talk about Adam. Adam deserved better, even after that horrendous Baby Got Back performance. Adam genuinely likes Kurt. Immediately, he seems to care very deeply for Kurt and is very supportive and complimentary of him (s4e11, s4e13). However, this isn’t enough for Kurt. He still feels the need to have Blaine there for him too, so he sleeps with him despite kind of dating Adam (s4e14). Then in season 4 episode 15, Santana asks Kurt about him sleeping with Blaine at the wedding in front of Adam, and Kurt shushes her, trying to hide it from Adam as if he’s aware that he probably shouldn’t have done it. It probably wasn’t cheating in the strictest sense, but Adam does seem upset, although whether it’s by Kurt sleeping with Blaine or Kurt trying to hide it is unclear. They watch Moulin Rouge, and Kurt imagines himself singing Come What May with Blaine. He starts crying and Adam asks him about it. He lies to Adam’s face, lies to him about wearing contacts, tries to convince Rachel to go along with it, and would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for Santana. Santana calls him out, asking him if he’s crying because he used to say that he wanted to sing that duet with Blaine at their wedding. Kurt tries to shut it down, but Santana is unbothered and continues, saying she once heard Kurt say that singing that song was “a more intimate act than sex”. Adam looks a little confused and upset but doesn’t say anything. Kurt tries to leave, and Santana changes the subject. This comment from Santana confirms that Kurt is first and foremost a romantic, and that sex is not the most important thing to him. Later, after the storm is over, Adam talks to Kurt about Santana’s comment. He asks Kurt if he used to sing that song with Blaine, and Kurt says yes, but tries to minimize it. Adam asks if Kurt still loves Blaine. He doesn’t respond. Then Adam asks if he was Kurt’s rebound, saying that he can’t compete with a fantasy. Kurt says no and that he “desperately” wants to be over Blaine. Adam says that they’re going to go watch a sappy romantic movie to be their movie and to try and help Kurt move on. In season 5 episode 1, Blaine asks Kurt what the deal is with Adam, and Kurt claims that it never got serious, but the last time we saw Adam, it seemed like they were headed in that direction. Kurt mentions that he’s still seeing Adam in season 4 episode 17, and Sam mentions that Blaine didn’t know where Kurt and Adam stood in season 4 episode 22. We never see any indication that their relationship stopped, but Kurt agrees to start dating Blaine again, and then he’s dating Kurt for days before Blaine proposes, but as we find out in season 5 episode 4, Adam kicked Kurt out of the Adam’s Apples when he found out Kurt was engaged, which implies that Kurt didn’t officially break things off with Adam until after he got engaged. This only reinforces that Kurt hates committing to breakups. He always wants to keep his options open in case he needs a backup plan. Adam is a little weird, but he’s so sweet. He’s trying so hard to help Kurt even when Kurt is lying to him and lowkey playing him. There are a lot of reflections of how Kurt treats Blaine in how he treats Adam too. None of Kurt’s toxic behaviors are isolated, and none of the people in his life deserve to be treated the way he treats them. 

I’ve already heavily analyzed the scene in season 5 episode 1 when Kurt and Blaine get back together, but I do want to briefly reiterate something before moving on. Kurt, despite knowing that he’s going to forgive Blaine, holds the cheating over Blaine, but he eventually does say he forgives Blaine, and that they can put it behind them. However, he doesn’t do this. In season 5 episode 7, Blaine has a complete mental breakdown. The New Directions weren’t listening to Blaine’s ideas, and he called Kurt looking for support, instead, Kurt calls Blaine a puppet master and then asks Blaine for support and to come to New York, which, of course, Blaine agrees to. However, Kurt insulting Blaine along with a gas leak in the choir room leads to Blaine’s downward spiral. He starts hallucinating puppets and then decides to make a puppet version of Kurt. Here’s where we get evidence that Blaine is very aware that Kurt hasn’t actually forgiven Blaine for cheating. He has his puppet say that he’s forgiven Blaine. Personally, I think this is quite sad, and we see Blaine’s insecurities and struggles with control highlighted in this episode. Then, in season 5 episode 16, there’s confirmation that Kurt is still holding it over Blaine’s head and hasn’t forgiven him. Kurt could have easily talked about getting tested, or even the last time he got tested, without bringing up Eli. It was unnecessary, and as I stated earlier, the way Blaine reacts implies that Kurt brings this up frequently. It’s controlling and cruel, and he’s not even criticized for it, by his friends or by the tone of the show itself. And this is something that only Kurt does. Rarely do the other characters in the show bring up cheating out of nowhere, and as mentioned, Blaine has never brought up Chandler since season 3 episode 17. In this episode, Kurt also gets incredibly jealous and controlling of Blaine watching porn, even though that’s none of his business, and if he was worried about their sex lives should have talked to Blaine about it. 

Let’s talk about Karofsky because the way Kurt reacts to him is fascinating. In season 6 episode 1, Kurt had broken up with Blaine out of nowhere months ago, but he comes back to Lima with the express purpose to get back together with Blaine. However, upon meeting with Blaine, he reveals that he’s actually seeing someone, and Kurt’s first thought is that it’s Sebastian, which drives home that Kurt never got over the Sebastian thing, even though nothing happened between them, and he had no reason to think that anything ever would. Karofsky shows up and Kurt does not react well to this. He manages to not say anything against him explicitly, but his tone is mocking and sarcastic, and he leaves quickly to go cry in the bathroom. Initially, Blaine and Dave seem very happy, honestly, and this seems to upset Kurt (s6e1, s6e2, s6e3). Kurt is very passive-aggressive and jealous whenever he sees Dave and Blaine together, to the point where Blaine has to ask whether they need to come up with alternating sheet music schedules (s6e3). Kurt also refuses to admit that Blaine has moved on, pretending that they’re on a break until Britt calls him out about it and tells him that Blaine and Dave are moving in together (s6e3). He gets very bitter every time Blaine tries to talk about his boyfriend (s6e5). Then, Kurt begins to move on, but he still decides to cheat in order to get Blaine chosen to sing a duet with, undermining Blaine and Dave’s relationship. And when Blaine implies that Dave might not be fully comfortable with Blaine and Kurt singing together, Kurt implies that Dave’s paranoid and crazy, because nothing is going on, even though he is trying to undermine them and something is going on (s6e7). Kurt then manipulates Blaine’s feelings, pivoting the conversation away from Karofsky and to the past and pretending that he forgot their first duet, and then acts all surprised when Blaine kisses him like he hasn’t been trying to undermine Blaine’s relationship for weeks (s6e7). Then, knowing that Blaine still had feelings for him, he suddenly decides to stop pursuing Blaine right as Blaine breaks up with Dave (s6e7). And then Kurt does decide to go back to Blaine without knowing that he broke up with Dave, and just assumes it’ll work out (s6e8). Kurt does do everything in his power to get Blaine to break up with Dave without actually saying so. He’s highly manipulative, and he prevented Blaine from continuing a relationship that was really good for him. And for the record, no, I don’t think that Blaine and Dave would have made it long term, and their relationship is a little weird. Mostly, I don’t think it would have worked out because Dave would have reminded Blaine too much of Kurt, but they seemed to have a fairly healthy relationship, and I do think that if Kurt had let Blaine be, he could have moved on on his own time. I think Kurt interrupting this journey impacted Blaine in a very significant way and made him even more dependent on Kurt than he already was. However, Kurt is one of the main characters, so the show frames him pursuing Blaine as an epic love story, convincing the audience to root for Kurt. 

Now that we’ve unpacked Kurt’s jealousy, let’s analyze Blaine’s jealousy, and how it’s framed vs. Kurt’s jealousy. Blaine does struggle with jealousy as well, but it is not the same as Kurt’s, and the show treats it in a very different way. Blaine is jealous of Chandler, but he has a right to be. Kurt is interested in him, and they were actively flirting. However, he’s framed as being unreasonable. The show and Kurt say that he’s overreacting, and in the end, it turns out that he’s not actually upset about Chandler, even though he had a right to be, and he forgives Kurt. But Blaine isn’t generally very jealous, so the next major event is in season 5 episodes 9 and 14. Kurt takes a picture with Elliott, and Elliott kisses him on the cheek in the picture. Blaine seems a little worried by the photo but doesn’t say anything until episode 14. Kurt is lashing out at Blaine because he feels smothered in their relationship and he mentions Elliott. Blaine snaps at Kurt jealously, and Kurt calls him a psycho. This is another example of the double standard when it comes to jealousy. Kurt is justified in being jealous of Sebastian for years when nothing happened, but Blaine gets a little jealous of Elliott after Kurt starts pulling away again, and he’s crazy and unreasonable. This is not only on Kurt as a character but also on the show. They both present Kurt as someone who can do no wrong, and Blaine as a terrible person the second he makes a minor mistake. Blaine leaves and goes to Elliott’s apartment. He yells at Elliott, but Elliott calms Blaine down and handles the situation very well. Blaine goes back to the loft and apologizes for his jealousy, something Kurt never does about any of the people he gets jealous of. Then, in season 5 episode 16, Kurt is getting ogled and hit on by several guys in his stage combat class, and Blaine feels uncomfortable with this. He doesn’t feel comfortable with Kurt being viewed as a sexual object. Both Kurt and the show frame Blaine as being unreasonable for this, however, in season 3 episode 17, Kurt expresses a similar discomfort. He calls Blaine an “alpha gay” and says that “even Rachel wanted to make out with [Blaine]”. Moreover, Blaine’s jealousy is not unfounded. The guy who is primarily hitting on Kurt is complimenting him heavily, something that Blaine knows from experience is something that Kurt responds to in the early stages of a relationship (s3e17, s4e11), and has caused Kurt to cheat in the past (s3e17). Kurt is also doing nothing to shut this guy down, despite him obviously flirting, which contrasts with how vigorously Blaine shut down Sebastian (s3e5). This continues throughout the episode, and Kurt never makes any moves to shut him down or assuage Blaine’s fears. In the end, as always, Blaine is the one forced to apologize. Finally, in season 6 we are introduced to Walter. When Kurt first mentions that he’s going on a date with Walter in episode 4, Blaine is clearly a little upset by it, but he is very supportive, and he’s dating Dave anyway, so he’s very good about it. Then in episode 7, Blaine comes to McKinley after breaking up with Dave to confess his feelings to Kurt, and Kurt is going out with Walter. Despite Walter being older than time, Blaine doesn’t say a single bad word against him and lets Kurt go. These two interactions contrast boldly with all of Kurt’s reactions to Karofsky. He is jealous, but he doesn’t take it out on Kurt’s budding relationship. The double standard of how cheating and jealousy are treated between them is completely unfair. Blaine has transgressed before, but so has Kurt, and that being brushed under the rug isn’t fair. In addition, the way Blaine is blamed for Sebastian flirting with him vs. the guy in Blaine’s combat class flirting with Kurt being forgotten almost immediately is the clearest example of this double standard that pervades their relationship and how it’s portrayed. 

Blaine’s Relationship Missteps

Now, of course, Blaine isn’t perfect, and in the spirit of fairness, let’s look at all the times Blaine exhibited similar behaviors to the ones I’ve listed for Kurt. In season 2 episode 20, Blaine is initially nervous about Kurt’s prom outfit. He agrees with Burt that it’s provocative, and he’s worried about Kurt getting attacked or harassed at prom, which makes sense given his past experiences and what he’d seen Kurt go through that year. Of course, he should have been more supportive, but he comes around regardless. Throughout season 3, Blaine maintains an interesting relationship with Sebastian, and as we’ve discussed, I don’t think this was strictly wrong, but it did make Kurt uncomfortable, and potentially he could have been more responsive to this. But I’m not convinced by this one. In season 3 episode 5, Blaine pressures Kurt to have sex before he’s ready, reneging on a conversation they had had but a few days ago. The pressures of the musical and Sebastian are bearing down on him, and he definitely acts inappropriately. I’m not going to try and defend this one, that scene makes me very uncomfortable. Although I do think that Kurt’s jealousy was unfounded. In season 4 episode 4, Blaine cheats on Kurt, as discussed, this is wrong. He shouldn’t have done it, however, he did attempt to talk to Kurt about it, and Kurt shouldn’t have ignored and overshadowed Blaine. It doesn’t justify what he did, but it does contextualize it. In season 5 episode 14, Blaine gets very jealous of Elliott. This is unfounded and irrational, and he’s taking out his lack of control and confusion on Elliott. It’s a lot like the Sebastian situation, he has no reason to think anything is going on. This is different from season 5 episode 16, where Blaine is uncomfortable with other men hitting on Kurt. While I still think that this isn’t right, Kurt has given Blaine reason to think that this might be a problem in the past. The last time a guy complimented Kurt, he started a whole thing with him. It’s understandable why Blaine would be a little insecure. In season 6 episode 2, Blaine accuses Kurt of stealing Jane because he’s upset about Blaine and Dave dating, and while this is definitely paranoid, Kurt was upset about Dave, and Rachel and Kurt are not above poaching to get ahead. Finally, in season 6 episode 7, Blaine kisses Kurt while still dating Dave. This is also bad, but as discussed earlier, Kurt fostered the environment that led to this incident. I don’t think that any of these things should be dismissed, but I also don’t think that this is convincing evidence that Blaine is particularly toxic. Most of these seem like mistakes that could happen in a tumultuous relationship, and the fact that there are so few items on this list comparatively is significant. 

Warped Ideas of Romance

Blaine also develops a very warped sense of romance and healthy relationship milestones over the course of the show, and I blame Kurt. Kurt has always been a romantic, and he instills into Blaine very early on in their relationship. He likes big grand gestures, and we see Blaine do that for Kurt many times, mostly through big songs. It became the primary way he communicated with Kurt. Blaine admits early on that not only has he never had a boyfriend before but that he feels like he doesn’t know what he’s doing at all when it comes to romance (s2e12). To be fair, Kurt is in a similar situation, but Kurt is older, and their relationship is dominated by Kurt all too often. This doesn’t become a problem until later on, though. It first rears its head in season 4 episode 21, when Blaine tells Burt that he wants to propose to Kurt and asks for his permission to do so, despite them not being together. Blaine mentions in that conversation that he knows that if he wants to get Kurt back, he has to do something big. In fact, Blaine almost proposes in that very episode. Then, in episode 22, he buys an engagement ring despite all of his friends protesting with very logical arguments and almost proposes again. In season 5 episode 1, they get back together, and Blaine tells everyone that he needs to make the proposal even bigger and more dramatic now that he’s back together with Kurt. They have only been together for a few days, but at least this is a little better than proposing when you’ve been broken up for months. And Kurt says yes anyway. This idea pervades their whole relationship, but it doesn’t come back in a big way until season 6 episode 8 (although he does seem to move in with Dave pretty early in their relationship (s6e3). They couldn’t have been together for more than a few months, because the end of season 5 is the summer, and the beginning of season 6 is right at the beginning of the school year). Tina asks Blaine, Artie, and Puck whether she should propose to Mike at Santana and Brittany’s wedding, even though they aren’t together and haven’t even seen each other in person for a long time. Blaine’s first response is that he thinks it’s romantic when it’s clearly insane. Then when Brittany and Sue ask him and Kurt to get married, Blaine says yes. He is the one who decides it because Kurt refuses to give a straight answer to anyone ever. But to be fair, I wouldn’t want to get married in that suit either, it’s bad. They also have a baby super young for performers in New York (s6e13). Blaine doesn’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, and it’s very worrying. 

Communication

Next, let’s discuss how bad they are at communication, especially Kurt. Not only is Kurt bad at communication, but he actively shuts it down so often. As mentioned, Blaine is new to relationships, and he is actively taught that the best way to communicate with Kurt is by singing. Kurt doesn’t respond to conversation, he always shuts it down and only responds to Blaine’s concerns when he sings. For example, in season 5 episode 20, Blaine sings All of Me to tell Kurt that he lied about Kurt being in June’s show. When Kurt gets angry about it, Blaine explains that he had no idea how to tell Kurt about the show without lying, and then he didn’t know how to tell Kurt about the lie, because he was scared of hurting Kurt. This is also not the first time that Blaine has been so afraid of Kurt that he’s felt the need to lie to him. In season 5 episode 7, Blaine gets detention and is unable to attend Kurt’s first Pamela Landsbury gig or risk suspension. He doesn’t know to break the news to Kurt for fear of hurting Kurt’s feelings and doesn’t call Kurt to let him know that he can’t make it, and waits until Kurt calls him right before the performance to tell him. Now, this is obviously bad, but it shows how Blaine doesn’t know how to talk to Kurt and how he’s always walking on eggshells around him. There are too many examples of Kurt shutting down Blaine when he tries to communicate openly, so let’s look at them. With graduation coming up, Blaine tries to talk to Kurt about doing long distance, and Kurt says that he wants to be in denial for a few more days. Blaine tries again to talk about it, but Kurt shuts him down again with flowery words and empty promises (s3e22). When Kurt is in New York, he starts ignoring Blaine, and when Blaine reaches out, Kurt shuts it down and does nothing to change (s4e4). In season 5 episode 14, Blaine openly asks Kurt if he’s crowding him, and even though he is, Kurt lies to Blaine about it. Then, in season 5 episode 16, Blaine tries to clear the air about the fight over the porn, and Kurt shuts it down, saying that they talk too much, when really they don’t talk at all. This is a pattern of behavior for Kurt, and it shouldn’t be. Kurt never asks Blaine when something is wrong, even if he can tell he’s upset (s3e17, s5e14, s5e16), and their relationship has to be pushed to the breaking point before Kurt puts any work in (s3e17, s5e14, s5e16, s6e1). Except when Blaine sings. In season 4 episode 4 and season 5 episode 20, Kurt asks Blaine what is wrong, but only because Blaine sang about it. Even though he is aware when Blaine is insecure or having issues, he only directly talks to Blaine about it when he sings it. This is not healthy. It encourages Blaine to withdraw and not try to keep communication open, which is already something Blaine struggles with (s3e17, s5e16). Kurt doesn’t want to communicate, and Blaine doesn’t know how to reach him. It’s dangerous and worrying. 

Kurt’s Toxicity Outside His Relationship with Blaine

Now, the reason I think that the toxicity is mostly Kurt’s fault and not just a bad relationship that brings out the worst in both of them is that he acts in similar ways in his relationships with other people as well. For example, in season 1, Kurt is very predatory towards Finn. He spends much of the season hitting on him (s1e10), trying to get their parents together so they can live together (s1e16), and trying to sabotage Finn’s relationships (s1e10, s1e11). Like in his relationship with Blaine, he pushes Finn, not taking no for an answer, until Finn snaps and uses the f-slur (s1e20). Obviously, Finn shouldn’t have said that, but the actions Kurt took to drive him to that point can’t be dismissed out of hand. However, as in his arguments with Blaine, Kurt refuses to take any responsibility, playing the victim card even when Finn and Burt call him out for not understanding that no means no (s2e4, s2e14). He also exhibits jealous and possessive behaviors around Burt. When Burt starts getting closer to Finn, Kurt is unreasonably upset by it. Despite Burt being completely supportive of him, he thinks that his sexuality is the reason Burt is inviting Finn to go to sports games and not that Kurt notoriously hates sports (s1e16). In season 2, Kurt accuses Mr. Shue and Burt of being homophobic when they don’t let him do things he wants (s2e6, s2e14). He implies that Will is homophobic when he won’t let Kurt sing on the girls’ team during the season 2 girls vs. boys mash-up competition (s2e6). Then, in episode 14, Burt tells Kurt that he doesn’t want Kurt having boys sleep over in his bed, Kurt accuses Burt of being homophobic. Burt says that it’s not about that because he wouldn’t let Finn have girls sleep over in his room, but Kurt persists, asking him if that would make him uncomfortable, even though Burt had been nothing but supportive of Kurt since he came out (s2e14). When Burt has cancer and Kurt comes back to Lima in season 4 episode 22, he starts lashing out at people. First, he lashes out at Mike for bringing up the Tina Vaporape situation, and then he yells at Burt at his own doctor’s appointment for wearing a navy shirt. In season 6, Kurt gets very controlling about the glee club even though Rachel was the one who brought the club back. He fights Rachel on how to organize the sheet music (even though Rachel’s method makes more sense and his is wildly subjective) (s6e2) and what the lessons are/how to present them (s6e3). He also interrupted Santana’s proposal and was unnecessarily harsh when critiquing Mason and Jane’s performance because he’s upset about Blaine (s6e3). To list some smaller instances, Kurt also blackmails Karofsky with outing him (s2e18), snaps his fingers at waitstaff (s3e10), encourages Rachel to cheat on Finn (s4e2), and is incredibly jealous of Elliot (s4e15, s5e7). The way we see Kurt act around Blaine isn’t isolated and it’s deeply concerning.

Bow Ties and Hair Gel Symbolism

Blaine’s ties and hair gel are symbolic of his relationship with Kurt and his insecurities respectively (I know the hair gel wasn’t intentional but I noticed it, it works, so I’m using it, whereas I’m pretty sure the bow tie symbolism was intentional). First, let’s talk about bow ties. The first time we see Blaine in street clothes is in season 2 episode 14. It’s before Kurt and Blaine start dating, and Blaine doesn’t wear a bow tie. The first time we see Blaine in a bow tie is in season 3 episode 1. Blaine has just transferred to McKinley for Kurt, and their relationship is very strong. However, their relationship is still new, and thus the bow tie is not yet Blaine’s signature. But he wears one here to signify his commitment to Kurt and their relationship. He continues to wear bow ties frequently through season 3, but not religiously. However, he does wear them more and more as the season progresses. There are a few notable exceptions to this. The first is in episode 5. When Blaine meets Sebastian (and every time he interacts with him), he is wearing one. When they go to Scandals, Blaine is still wearing a bow tie, but when he’s dancing with Sebastian and then when they’re fighting afterward Blaine’s tie is undone, but still around his neck. Sebastian and the musical are managing to get in between Kurt and Blaine, but Blaine still loves and cares about Kurt. They just need to get back on the same page. The second is in episode 17. Blaine does not wear a single bow tie in this episode. He does, however, wear a necktie in the scene where Kurt is texting Chandler in the choir room. In fact, when he sings It’s Not Right but It’s Ok and when Kurt sings I Have Nothing, he’s wearing a collared shirt buttoned all the way up, outfits that would normally have a bowtie, emphasizing the lack of one. 

In season 4, Blaine actually stops wearing bowties almost entirely. In episodes 1 and 2, Blaine wears a bow tie with several outfits, in keeping with how frequently he wore them in season 3, not with every outfit, but with one or two outfits per episode. However, in episode 3, we get the most overt use of the bow tie as a metaphor. Early in the episode, Blaine’s wearing bow ties with all of his outfits (the most he’s worn bow ties this season), even with his weird club costumes. He brings up how he and Kurt aren’t really in sync right now, but his bow ties indicate that he’s still very committed to that relationship. Then, Kurt and Blaine are talking, and Blaine is being very supportive of Kurt and his New York adventures. Blaine mentions that he’s running for student body president, and Kurt says that he forgot about that. Blaine then asks Kurt which bow tie he should wear for the debate, and Kurt brushes it off and pivots the conversation back to him. Blaine is clearly upset, but he goes along with Kurt. This scene uses bow ties to directly illustrate how Kurt is moving on, and how it’s hurting Blaine. He’s not supporting Blaine or hearing his concerns about the relationship, and it’s driving Blaine away. This is emphasized when at the debate, Sam tells Blaine he shouldn’t wear a bow tie, saying it makes him look uptight and telling him to take it off. Blaine even agrees that he looks better without it. This symbolizes the downfall of Blaine and Kurt’s relationship. Kurt’s ignoring Blaine, and it’s given Blaine doubts about the relationship. Blaine doesn’t wear a bow tie for the rest of the episode, as Kurt continues to ignore Blaine, even though Blaine getting elected. Blaine continues this pattern in episode 4, not wearing a single bow tie for the whole episode, and after the breakup, he only wears 3 bow ties in the entire rest of the season. He wears one at the Sadie Hawking’s dance, right after confessing his crush on Sam to Tina (s4e11) and one in the final song of season 4 episode 20, after having a moment with a guy at Sue’s exercise class. Notably, he doesn’t wear a bow tie to Will and Emma’s wedding, where he starts to reconnect with Kurt, he wears a necktie, but interestingly, Kurt wears a bow tie. Blaine even comments on it, saying, “You in this fey boy-tie. Dude, it’s my kryptonite”. He does, however, wear one later in that episode, after several leading conversations with Kurt. They’re not back together though, so Blaine doesn’t wear another bow tie until season 5 episode 1 (he also wears one in Kurt’s fantasy of Come What May, but Blaine isn’t actually wearing it, Kurt’s fantasy version of him is, which makes sense). 

In season 5, he gets much more consistent with wearing bow ties. It’s now his signature, so when he doesn’t wear one, it’s usually significant, and if he doesn’t wear one at all in an episode it’s definitely significant. Even before he officially asks Kurt to get back together with him, Blaine is wearing bow ties with all of his outfits. After they get back together and get engaged, Blaine continues to wear bow ties with most of his outfits. Let’s briefly go through some important examples. In episode 7, Kurt and Blaine get into a fight because Blaine didn’t tell Kurt that he couldn’t come to his first Pamela Landsbury gig, and Blaine isn’t wearing a bow tie. In episode 14, Blaine doesn’t wear a single bow tie until after he and Kurt have the conversation about him moving out, and then he wears a bow tie with every outfit in the remainder of the episode. He also doesn’t wear any bow ties at all in episode 16. Even after Blaine and Kurt have their conversation about communication and trust, Blaine still doesn’t wear a bow tie, signaling that he still isn’t happy with the relationship or himself. In episode 18, Blaine wears a lot of bow ties early in the episode, including when June tells him to break up with Kurt, however, when he lies to Kurt about him being in June’s showcase, he isn’t wearing one. He continues not wearing bow ties in episode 19 and early episode 20, as June and his lie drive a wedge between them. However, in the reconciliation scene, Blaine is wearing a bow tie, as he offers to give up the showcase and Kurt forgives him. Blaine wears a bow tie at the showcase and when moving back in with Kurt, but not in the goodbye or the scene where Rachel confirms she’s leaving, perhaps foreshadowing the season 6 break up. Season 6 is when Blaine is actually most consistent in wearing bow ties, which is interesting because he isn’t even with Kurt for most of it. It shows how Blaine is still deeply in love with Kurt despite appearances of moving on. The only two really important scenes in season 6 are the breakup scene in episode 1 and the elevator scenes in episode 5. He isn’t wearing a bow tie in the breakup scene, which makes sense, but other than that, he’s seen wearing a bow tie with almost every outfit for the rest of the season (a mini exception is when he tries to completely switch it up in episode 2, which doesn’t really need analysis but is a good example of this symbolism in action), and every scene with Dave. The interesting part is the elevator scenes. Blaine starts out wearing a bow tie but undoes it while in the elevator. Previously, this had been used to represent an issue in their relationship, but I don’t think that’s what it represents here. Blaine has been carrying his love for Kurt with him into his new relationship, afraid to let go of the good, but also unable to let go of the pain he experienced during the relationship. It’s restricting him. Blaine undoing the tie but keeping it around his neck is him opening up to Kurt, allowing the restrictive aspect to go, without letting go of the love he still clearly feels.

Now, on to the speculative part, Blaine’s hair gel. Throughout the show, Blaine starts using more hair gel and suppressing his natural curl pattern even more. In season 2, Blaine's hair is gelled, but in a way that embraces his natural hair. You can still tell that he has curly hair underneath it all, and it reflects the relaxed, more confident, version of Blaine that we see at this point in the show (ex. s2e6). Kurt only reinforces Blaine’s insecurities, and this is demonstrated in season 3 episode 19. Blaine is worried about not being able to gel his hair for prom, and Kurt initially laughs at and dismisses Blaine’s concerns. Then, at prom, when Kurt first sees Blaine without hair gel, his first responses are, “Oh dear God,”  and then laughing. He does eventually say that he wants to see the real Blaine, however, all of his actions leading up to this point don't support that, despite his knowledge of how insecure Blaine is. Blaine’s hair is used as a metaphor for Blaine letting his walls down within the episode, but the whole interaction is a metaphor for the way Kurt acts around Blaine for the entire show. He reinforces Blaine’s concerns and insecurities while saying with his words that he supports and loves him. Clearly, Blaine doesn’t believe that Kurt likes seeing him with his natural hair because, over the course of Blaine's relationship with Kurt, he tightens his hair even more. Slowly, his hair gets tighter and tighter to his scalp. Compare season 2 episode 6, to season 3 episode 5, to season 4 episode 1. We even see Blaine with gelled hair going to sleep and waking up when he's around Kurt (s4e4,s5e14, s5e16). Waking up with perfectly gelled hair is especially interesting because it implies that either Blaine is using some crazy strong hair gel to avoid his hair moving in the middle of the night, or that he's getting up putting hair gel in, and then getting back into bed, so Kurt doesn't see him with his natural hair. The only time we see Blaine with his natural hair, or even with more relaxed hair, are in episodes during the break up where Kurt isn’t seeing Blaine (s4e13, s4e17). It's the tightest in season 5 episode 14, which is also one of the episodes where Blaine is at his worst. He's struggling with his insecurities in a major way, and when he goes over to Elliott's house, his hair is basically Shellacked to his head (s5e14). It loosens a little bit in the next few episodes, however, there is no significant difference until season 6. It's still not back to where it was in season 2, however now that he and Kurt aren’t together anymore, he seems to have let his hair relax a little (ex s6e2). He even briefly stops gelling his hair after breaking up with Kurt. However, his insecurities run too deep and he starts doing it again. In the end, Blaine does stop gelling his hair, but he’s still unable to be his true self around Kurt and starts straightening his hair instead (s6e13). Blaine is never able to let go of his insecurities and be himself around Kurt, and both the symbolic and literal implications of this illustrate perfectly how terrible his relationship with Kurt is for Blaine. 

Conclusion

In conclusion, Kurt and Blaine’s relationship isn’t healthy, and the responsibility is mostly on Kurt. Despite their chemistry and outward appearances, their relationship is toxic and potentially abusive. Kurt doesn’t care about Blaine, he cares about himself, and he’s willing to destroy Blaine’s life if it benefits him. Blaine, on the other hand, cares so deeply about Kurt that he doesn’t even care that their relationship is damaging to him. They struggle with even the basic communication and trust that a relationship needs, and seem to believe that love is the only thing they need to keep their relationship alive. Kurt is manipulative, cruel, and takes every opportunity to tear Blaine down so he can have power over him. He hates being vulnerable and needs to be able to exert control over Blaine. He uses Blaine’s insecurity and inexperience to assure that Blaine is as small and reliant on Kurt as possible. He holds Blaine’s every little mistake over Blaine’s head, refuses to take responsibility for any of their problems, and minimizes his own mistakes. Kurt is incredibly jealous, often unfoundedly, and yet calls Blaine unreasonable when he displays any signs of jealousy himself. Their relationship damages Blaine irreparably, to the point that comparing Blaine in season 2 to Blaine in season 6 shows two almost completely different people. But it doesn’t come out of nowhere, Kurt systematically and intentionally cuts Blaine down and turns him into the person he wants him to be. A person he can control. It is not random, it is not uncharacteristic for either of them and when their relationship is interpreted through this lens, explains a lot about how Blaine develops as a character. Even if their relationship isn’t abusive, it certainly isn’t good, and it shouldn’t be romanticized. 

[ahsxual]

Perfect Day

Pairing: Arthur Fleck x Reader

Summary: You and Arthur are excited for your first date, since it's an essencial key for your relationship.

Genre: Fluff

Warning: sexual harassment (literally one sentence, nothing too serious)

Word count: 2,7k

A/N: I don't know how to feel about this one... I wanted it to be romantic and cute, yet I feel this isn't enough to express my feelings for him... anyways, I really hope your opinion is different! :)

Gif Credits: @arthurflecc <33

Today is the day I will finally find true happiness, Arthur thought. Last day, you invited him to have dinner at your place, since none of you could afford an actual date, and that way you could spend some time alone. You work with him as female clown for a couple weeks now and that's where you met him: he, besides Gary, was the only one who's truly kind and respectful, not some jerk like Randall who would always make some unwanted comments on how pretty you are. With that, Arthur got the courage to defend you, a gesture you noticed and really appreciated. That's when you decided to invite him as a thank you gift for what he has done (and maybe because you thought he was really cute and a real gentleman).

To Arthur, that morning seemed brighter than any other he had lived: he could swear that the birds were singing to him, like it was a sign from nature and destiny telling everything was going to finally be ok... as long as he was by your side. This time, the sky wasn't covered by depressive and heavy gray clouds like every other day: instead, it was replaced by the sweet scalding yellow sun and the gorgeous shade of baby-blue. Even the stairs weren't painful to walk anymore and the runs to the bus weren't as stressed and tiring as they used to be. He came down the stairs bouncing with joy, like he was a kid who just got his favorite ice-cream flavor for free. People even looked at him awkwardly, but he couldn't care less. Nothing could ruin this day to him.

Once he entered Haha's, his heart started to beat way too fast once he realized he would see you in a matter of seconds. He couldn't wait any longer, so he quickly ran to the room of clowns, hoping for you to be the first thing he would lay his eyes on once he got there.

"Hi, Arthur!" you happily said as soon as you saw him, realizing that he had been standing there for a while, staring sweetly at you. However you didn't mind: you knew his intentions were utterly good.

"H-hi Y/n! You... you are very... b-beautiful today." he finally got the courage to praise you, to speak his mind out loud, even if he stuttered meanwhile. He was with his red waistcoat and pants, and a white social shirt, an outfit that suits him just perfectly.

"Oh, thank you, you look really good too! And I'm glad you liked it, I want to look good for our tonight's date." you teased him, just to see his cheeks turn redder than they already were. You were with your date's outfit on, because you were planning to go home right after you left Haha's. You wanted to surprise him, however he arrived sooner than you expected, so you didn't have the time to change into your clown's work outfit.

"A date??" he seemed surprised for you considering your meeting an actually date.

"Yeah, sure. Don't you want to call it that way?"

"Yes!! I mean, i-if you want to..." he correct himself, after realizing he sounded too excited than he should.

"Ok, great! Can't wait for tonight." you said gladly, earning a sweet tooth wide smile from him.

"Me too Y/n, me too..." after sharing an intense and intimate exchange of glances, you decided to break the reconforting silence between you. That silence told and shared way more emotions than any possible spoken word, but you couldn't risk any other coworker complain about you two to Hoyt.

"Well, I'm going to get ready now. Talk to you later, ok?"

"Uh... sure." he understood, giving you once again a thin, shy smile.

You both did your work for the rest of the day, not wanting your secret love to interfere and prejudice your professional life. Both of you knew how demanding your boss could be, so you better not test his limits.

The day was finally near to its end, so you went to your locker to collect your belongings and then change into your clothes, before joining Arthur who was already waiting for you outside.

"Are you ready?" you asked once you got near him.

"Absolutely." he calmly, yet enthusiastic answered. You wanted to overcome your shyness, so you slowly interlocked your arms with his. You could tell that he was a little hesitant by the sudden affectionate gesture and seemed to paralyzed, looking intensely at the spot where your arms found each other.

"Arthur? Are you ok?" you were scared that you crossed the line without meaning it.

"Y-yeah! I'm sorry, I'm just... not used to being touched..." he got upset, remembering how miserable and lonely his life was... but not anymore. That's the past, and now you are more then willing to change radically his and your future as well, putting all that suffering and intense pain far far away behind him.

"It's ok Art, you are safe with me, I promise you that. But if I do something that makes you uncomfortable, please let me know." before your lovely night started, you needed to make sure that he would be comfortable: you wouldn't forgive yourself if anything bad happened to the man who supported you and made you feel like the only beautiful woman alive, and you being the responsible for it.

"Thank you, Y/n. That's really nice of you... I really appreciate that." he made that sweet stare towards you, one that makes you melt right away every time.

"Come on Art, my stomach is already complaining." he happily laughed, and you acknowledged his smile.

When you arrived home, it was impossible for you not to notice: he was quiet, yet so observant with everything: sometimes he would even touch so softly your belongings, and you would just smile, feeling nothing but comfort and acceptance. How can anyone consider me as someone so essential and special in their lives?, you deeply thought. But that's just how Arthur was: he always manages to feel like it's only you and him against the world, the rest being irrelevant.

"What do you want to eat? I can make your favorite plate... or at least I can try." you softly laughed, feeling a little nervous by your kitchen skills. You really wanted to impress Arthur... especially on your first of many dates. He then looked at you with wide eyes, swallowing his dry throat from growing anxiety. "What's the matter? Did I do anything wrong?" you started to get even more nervous than you already were, now being you having your mouth and throat dry.

"No, no, you didn't do anything wrong! I-I just..." he paused for a moment, not being able to look at you since he felt very ashamed. "I'm not hungry... I'm sorry..." he said slowly with a low voice, derived from his embarrassment.

"Oh..." you felt a little sad if you were honest: you bought a bunch of food so he could choose freely what he wanted to eat and make this day special by making him a surprise... but you couldn't blame him: you knew about the secondary effects from the meds he takes, the lack of hunger being one of them. "It's fine, don't worry about it." you tried to relax him, which you did since he offered you a kind smile right after, just like his big, yet fragile heart. You tried to think of something else: you couldn't miss this opportunity to be with him, both of you being so busy with your lives that the time you spend together is absolutely rare and precious, being as valuable as gold, or diamonds, or even more. "I got an idea!" a cliche, yet romantic idea came to your mind. "What about... seeing a movie? Or a tv show that you really like? While eating popcorn, obviously." you winked at him.

"Sounds like fun." he smiled. "But... I-I never... ate popcorn. Never had the chance to try it..." he shyly said. You felt bad for him... in our childhood, it's the most delicious thing to eat, a sweet that brings us joy, happiness and even peace, for some. But now, him being in his middle 30's, how has he never eaten or at least tried it?

"Then seems like you're going to have this delicious experience with me instead!" you gently laughed, trying to make him more comfortable. This time he gave you a toothy grin, staring at you like he was in heaven and you were the only pure angel in it. You blushed at his staring, so you decided to look away and do the popcorns instead. "Make yourself at home! You can sit on the sofa if you want." you offered while pointing to the most comfortable furniture you had. He instantly obeyed you, sitting on it awkwardly since he was afraid of doing something wrong that could annoy you. Yup, that was definitely the last thing he wanted to do... mainly on this special day.

Once you finish the popcorn, you sat right next to him, being way closer than he expected. Not that he minded, no no, not at all, but he couldn't help but to shake unstoppably by the complex emotions he was feeling from the warm and soft human contact... from the most perfect human being in his eyes.

"Before we watch it, I want you to prove this delight first. But you have to close your eyes! It will taste better, I promise." you grabbed one popcorn kernel and signaled him to open his mouth. He instantly felt tenser and his frail heart started to beat furiously because of your gesture. If someone had told him when he first saw you, that he would come to your house and spend these moments with you, he would've laughed by the immense unlikelyhood. But here he is: in your house, with you. He shakingly opened his mouth, slowly closing his big ocean eyes right after. When he tasted it, it was like he was 7 again, living his lost happy childhood: it was sweet, crunchy and tasted like happiness, this feeling amplified with you by his side. "How is it?" you curiously asked while smiling by his reaction.

"This is so... wow." that's all he could say.

"You want more? This bowl can be just for you, I will do more for myself." the moment you got up, you felt your arm being gently, yet firmly grabbed.

"Wait!" he suddenly said, removing his hand from your arm right after, not wanting to scare you away. "I-I'd rather share them with you... i-if that's ok..." His shyness was something you could never be tired of: it's one of the words that describe him the best, making him look immensely cute to your eyes. You felt genuinely happy because he was making a move on you: as little or even insignificant that gesture was to everyone else, it meant the world to you.

"Sure, sharing is always better, right?" you shared a glare that spoke the untold love for each other, yet not unknown. "So... what do you want to see?" you finally asked.

"I don't know... maybe-" suddenly he noticed the tv, that was already on, presented the Murray Franklin show, catching immediately his attention. "Murray!!" once he saw it, it was like his shyness was never there: the carefree and excited Arthur who you never had the chance to meet, was now shown. You even felt jealous for a moment, seeing all his attention was now in the show.

"Oh, you like Murray? I watch him from time to time, the show is really funny." he turned his attention to you again, seeming surprised by your answer.

"You do...?" his grin shined even more once he discovered you had more things in common, one of them being something he admires and even considers as a dream, the main goal in his professional life.

"Of course! Who doesn't like to laugh and relax after a tiring day of work? Laughing is the best medicine for happiness." his smile broke, slowly decreasing into nothing. "I mean, when you really want to laugh, not when you have to." you remembered his condition, so you corrected yourself.

"I heard that my whole life, so I guess you're right..." he seemed mindful, looking and playing with his own worn hands. You gently grabbed his hand into yours.

"Don't worry Arthur, I'll make sure you really laugh, not just because you can't control it or because you forcely have to. I promise you... I will do my best to make you happy everyday." these moments and words were unforgettable to him. He couldn't see his life without you anymore: the only way he could be truly happy is by your side, the only way he could survive... is only by your side.

"Thank you, Y/n. I... I-I really enjoy these moments I spend with you. They're the only thing that make me feel happy and alive. You make me feel like... like I'm real and seen... and you have no idea how much that is important to me." you felt so proud of him for being able to speak from his mind and heart without hesitance, and utterly special for being the only one who entirely owned his trust.

"You don't need to thank me, Art. It's my pleasure to be with you, a man who's so kind and respectful like you. If others can't see it, it's not your fault. Like I use to say, it's their loss for not seeing someone so good in front of them. But I can see it... and we all only need the ones who really care about us in our lives, the rest is just the rest. They don't matter." now was your turn to speak the honest truth. He didn't have to say anything for you to understand how right and perfect he thought you were: it was like destiny was telling him to not let you escape... because you are his soulmate, his one and only person who came to this world with the purpose of filling him, to fill his heart with pure love, compassion and comprehension. "Oh, the show has already started!" both of you were so distracted or, should I say, so concentrated on each other, that you didn't even notice what was happening around you: the world always stops when you are together.

Once you decided to see the show, you shared the made popcorn and some laughs, Arthur always making sure you would laugh when he would. Every time Murray made a joke, Arthur looked at you, concentrated on your expressions while admiring your beauty. It was an incredible spent night: you laughed, ate popcorn together, supported each other... with time, you even hugged him softly, only for him to gladly return it, yet shyly, as predicted. If you two were honest, you would admit that you wanted so badly to share a sweet, passionate and meaningful first kiss... but that has to be preserved for your future dates, since the respect you have for one another it's incomparable to any other: you want things to happen naturally, without hurry, because what begins fast... ends quickly as well, and that's the last thing you want to happen, for sure.

This was the last piece of the puzzle that was needed to finally go forward your relationship: you belong to each other, like your hearts are attached and only function correctly when you are together, like the universe had and still has wonderful plans for you... and both of you are so glad to finally be able to be by your soulmate's side... forever.

[enigma-im]

He Was a Satyr Boy

 Rating: Explicit Relationship: Satyr X Female!Human Warning: Fluff, Respecting boundaries, Penetration, Satyr and human relationship, Critical Role mentioned, timid or shy characters

Word Count: 8604

A shy Satyr catches the interest of the cute comic book store girl

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Today is slower than usual. Generally, comic book stores aren't super busy on a workday but today was especially boring. I've gotten all my work done around noon leaving several more hours of my shift left to fuck about. I lean against the glass counter near the register and look over the empty store. I huff and try to entertain myself by reading the posters around the room for the hundredth time.

Reading the green lantern motto for the 6th time I'm ecstatic to hear the chime of the front door. Looking over I see a satyr walk in. I immediately notice his antlers protruding from his curly brown hair. He is a skinny man, not particularly tall. Might be the same height as me if I were to guess. An inch or two taller. He is sort of cute, not my normal type but still eye candy. Especially wearing a fitted hoodie and loose pants. He has a softness to him, a gentle aura.

I don't call out to him, welcoming him to the store. I just watch as he shoves his hands into his pouch then looks around way too much. As he walks further inside he catches my eye. He gives a curt nod then walks around with his head down. I watch as he paces through each aisle before stopping at the books. He skims through them and picks out two. He cradles them close to his side then makes his way to the register. Only briefly glancing at me he sets the items on the counter.

"This all," I ask. He glances up and nods.

"Yes, this is all. I don't have money for more, your stuff is expensive," he sort of rambles. Edge of my lips quirks at him. I scan his items and wait on him to either pull out a card or cash. He fumbles with his pockets to his loose pants and pulls out a wallet. He produces a card and swipes it to the machine.

He pays and a receipt prints. I push the books to him and hand him the paper. He doesn't say anything as I pass him his things. He takes them quietly and nods before heading to the door.

"Have a nice day," I surprise myself by calling out. It seems to have startled him too. He looks over and gives a nervous smile.

"You too." With that, he leaves. I watch till the door closes, a little captivated by his departure. When I finally look away to the now empty store I hardly notice to half-smile gracing my face.

I'm a little confused to see him the next day around the same time. The store is a little more full, normal for a Tuesday since there is a sale going on for comic books. Perhaps that's why he is back? I try not to pay him any mind as I ring up people but I can't stop glancing at him curiously. He wonders around the store, catching eyes with me a few times. This piques my interest even more.

I barely listen to the man rambling on and on about god knows what. I give him a few nods but couldn't care less. I keep glancing over his shoulder at the nervous satyr browsing the store. I'm not sure why I'm so inquisitive but he is keeping my attention. Perhaps its why he is back after saying he had no money. Or the fact he isn't even looking at the comics that are on sale. What could he possibly need?

I lose focus on him when someone comes up with a question.

"Do you guys have any captain marvel comics," a stout woman asks.

"Far-right wall, under the popular section," I point behind her. I hope this is the end of the conversation but sadly it isn't.

"Oh. Can you show me, I didn't see it over there," she gives an apologetic smile. I look over at the satyr, then back at her.

"Yea, come on," I walk from around the counter. I lead her to the right wall. She keeps asking questions even when I found the box for her. She draws on so long my coworker works the register and checks out the satyr. I see he bought another DnD book, Just the one. He leaves before I even get back to the counter.

I don't see him the next day, hardly surprised. I actually don't think about him, having no reason to. My fascination is but a product of boredom mixed with seeing someone so cute. I've never seen him before, knowing most of the people around the town. It's rare to see someone new and even more rare to see them two days in a row. Still, it seems he is gone now.

I think as such till I see him Thursday. I don't notice anyone walked in as I clean the glass countertop. It isn't until he sets his item down beside me that I acknowledge him. I give him a confused look for a second, wondering what he is doing back here.

"Hi," he curtly smiles, "I forgot the monster guide." I look from him to the book, another DnD guide.

I look back up at him," so you did." He nods as I grab the book. I scan it and prepare the machine for him to pay. I watch him pull out his wallet, I felt the need to fill the silence.

"You know we hold campaigns here every Thursday night," I cock a brow at him. He seems to startle before staring back.

"Oh," he tilts his head. His hair brushes over his forehead and the corners of my mouth quirk.

"They are run by Steven who set it all up, anyone is welcome. Starts tonight around 7, if your interested," I inform.

"Oh, thanks but I don't think that would be good for me. I'm busy around then but thank you. I appreciate you telling me. I guess you figure from all the books I've bought that id be playing this but it's just to read. I don't actually play, I've just been watching a campaign online. I wanted to follow along, you know," he rambles. I don't feel like interrupting, just resting my elbow on the counter. "It's a good show, very funny. I don't know if you have heard of it, but you might have. Its a bunch of voice actors playing DnD, so they get to use their acting skills to bring the characters to life. It's super neat," he continues.

"Critical role?" I cock a brow.

He grins widely, "yea, do you watch it?"

I tilt my head and regard him," not really." He deflates, it almost makes me wanna lie just to get him to ramble some more.

"Well, it's worth a listen. Even if it's super long," he collects his book off the counter," well ill see you around. Bye." I wave then he turns and walks out. I watch him the entire time, huffing in amusement when his antlers scratch against the door.

I stand back up with a little smile, "what an adorable man."

I stay a bit after, organizing some of the figurines in the displays. I know I'm sticking around just to see if he shows up, I'm not going to convince myself otherwise. I'm also not surprised to see he doesn't show up. Which is fine, it was a bit last minute so I can't expect him to not have plans.

It is a surprise when he shows up next week.

The week was slow and I hardly thought of the cute satyr. I noticed he hasn't been back since last Thursday but that was the extent of my thoughts. By Wednesday I've forgotten him, mostly.

Thursday night comes and I'm sorting through the comics for ones that don’t belong. I hear the gang setting up near the back. Getting the table together and their items out. I finger through the thin booklets, pulling out any that wasn’t Batman. I lose focus when I hear the bell at the front door. I look up and chuckle when I see the satyr. I stop what I'm doing and head over. Noticing immediately that he was fidgeting. He was looking around a lot and bouncing from leg to leg. He stops when he catches my eye.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I was a little confused about where the campaign takes place. I looked on the website and it said that it happens in the store, which is what you said, but I don’t know where in here it is and I didn’t want to just walk on in and wander around," he nervously laughs," it is tonight right?"

 my lips quirk," Yes." I won't elaborate, seeing if he will talk some more.

"Oh, good," he looks behind me then back at me," I've been looking through the books. Good reads, it's so elaborate. Still, it’s a lot to learn. I tried to do a crash course on them last Thursday but I was too worried id make a fool of myself. So that’s why I didn’t show up, I didn’t want to be the one asking all the questions. It would take away from the fun of everyone else. I mean I still might ask questions, there is a lot to learn. I hope that no one minds a newbie joining. I really studied, which sounds weird to study for a hobby, but I was nervous. You know, I might actually just watch, or come back later. I don’t want to take the fun from everyone else." I listen to his ramblings, cocking a brow as he tries to talk himself into leaving. Deciding to help him out I step beside him so we are both facing the room. I notice that he is just an inch or so taller than me.

"Come on," I nudge his shoulder then walk ahead. He startles but follows along, keeping his hands in his hoodie pockets. I smirk to myself as I lead him to the back. Once we turn the corner the patrons perk up. All of them looking towards us curious. I glance over at the satyr and see he is hiding in himself. Bunching his shoulders and ducking his head into his jacket. I nearly coo at the sight.

"Who's this," Steve asks with a friendly smile. I don’t answer but nudge the Satyr to speak up. He jumps, staring over at me shocked before looking back at the group.

"Uh, I'm Jensen," he nods in greeting," hello." I quirk a smile at the greeting. Jensen.

"Well, howdy there Jensen. What brings you to our little hobble," Carley asks before anyone else could. Jensen looks from her then back to me. I nod towards the group as encouragement.

"I'm here for the, uh, campaign," he nearly stutters. I find myself taking a step closer to the poor lad. Matt notices and passes me a glance, raising a brow. I pay him no mind and wait for Jensen to join the group.

"Well that’s great, we always have room for another traveler," Steven shouts jovially," please come sit." I look from the gang to Jensen, content with his wide grin. He walks forward and takes a seat between Matt and Steven. I take one more look at the lads before turning to leave.

"Would you like to join," Carley calls. I turn to face them, the words 'no' ready on my lips. I'm a bit surprised to see Jensen practically begging me with his eyes. Watching me with bated breath for my answer. I'm still ready with the 'no' but looking at him makes me want to change my mind.

I have never played with the group, having been invited nearly every night. I generally have things to do and rather get home quickly once they finish up. It's not like I have anything pressing at home, I just rather be there. I begin to doubt my choice, near caving just to get to spend time with the nervous Jensen.

"Ok," I answer shortly. I nearly smile when I see Jensen's little grin. He has a cute smile.

"Really," Matt tilts his head. I don’t answer but walk towards the table. I grab a chair from the wall and sit on the opposite end of Steve. I look at the three's suspicious faces, knowing they are probably trying to figure out any reason why I'd choose now to join. Of course, the genius bunch looks towards Jensen and piece together their own theories. I'm not above admitting it, I want to hang out with him. He is cute and I find his rambling adorable. Depending on how tonight goes I may develop a crush.

The night goes alright, everyone was boisterous and engaged. Everyone seemed to have fun, including me. Jensen was shy at the start but grew into his own as everyone kept him included. I appreciated that. I didn’t want to be the only one trying to keep him out of his shell. Id hates to look over and see him cave into himself with nerves.

Around two hours later the gang packs up and says their goodbyes. I walk away before they could start interrogating me, getting started on the work I put off. Once I hear the chime of the bell I head back over to the table, startling when I see Jensen still packing up. I grin to myself and head over, sitting across from him.

He looks up and smiles," Hey." I nod in greeting," man those guys are so nice. The woman, Carley was it, she gave me some of her dice. They look so cool, got a holo look to it. Reminds me of opals, it's so cool." he holds the 20-sided die up and rotates it back and forth. Showing off the rainbow reflection on it.

"So ill take it you had fun," I cross my arms and lean back in the chair. I smile at him, feeling his own grin to be contagious. He looks from the die back to me, his toothy grin making me feel gushy.

"Yea, it was so grand. Steven has such an imagination on him, this wasn’t what I expected at all," he leans onto the table with his elbows," I can't wait to come back and partake in whatever the next adventure will be. I might try being a sorcerer next time. That is if we are allowed to change our characters. I like mine right now but I do wanna experience the other classes. Does he do different campaigns every time?" 

"Yes," I nod.

"That’s great! I'm so glad I came, I was so nervous that I paced around my apartment before coming here. I figured since I just moved here it wouldn’t hurt to make some friends but I was nervous mostly for that reason, not knowing anyone. It helped that I know you, I was really banking on you being here. If you weren't I would have probably walked out," he nervous laughs, looking at the table," also thanks for joining, I could tell it isn't something you usually do."

"No problem, it was fun," I answer honestly.

We chat for a little longer before I have to shut down the store. He leaves shortly before, promising he will be back next week. I find myself getting a little giddy at the idea of seeing him again. Tonight went well, I think I can confidently say I have a crush on him.

He visits twice before Thursday, one of the days I heard from Matt when he was the one working. The day I got to see him was nice, we chatted a bit before it got busy and he left. Along with his two visits, I've been getting the 2nd degree from Matt.

"So you like him," he cocks a brow as he lounges against the counter. I shrug noncommittedly, knowing it's going to rowel him up. He drops his head back and groans at my non-answer," Don’t give me that. I don’t know the last time you were interested in someone, I've only heard stories of your past boyfriends. The tall hunky lads with more muscles than sense. So excuse me for wanting to boy talk with you." I pass him a glance, debating on being a prude with my thoughts. It was none of matt's business on who I liked and didn’t like. Still, I'd admit that the idea of gossiping is tempting.

"Yes, I have a thing for him," I bite my cheek to stop from smiling. I don’t need him poking fun just yet. He startles at my words, perhaps shocked I even said anything.

He twists around and leans his elbows on the table," I was just teasing before, I didn’t think you actually wanted him. He is so not part of your portfolio, he is so timid and lithe. Hard contrast to your previous interest." I pass him a cheeky grin while pretending to read the magazine in front of me.

"He is cute, and I think his ramblings are adorable," I answer. Matt deadpans at me, not really getting what I'm saying.

"You like his ramblings? What happened to the woman who dated big bulky men, hell the last dude I heard you dated was an orc. Like how would you go from something that big to someone like Jensen," he tilts his head trying to catch my eye. I glance at him but continue to look at the pages.

"I just like him, not everything has to be dissected and viewed from every angle. I think he is cute and I enjoy his company," I answer bluntly. Not everything has to be over analyzed to its basic form. I don’t have to uproot my childhood to figure out why I find Jensen so attractive. I just do, and that’s ok.

Matt doesn’t like my answers but he leaves me alone after another five minutes of arguing.

Thursday comes quickly to my joy. The gang sets up and Jensen shows up shortly after they do. I watch him walk from the door straight to the back, resting his bag on the table as he too sets up. I stay in the corner, finishing up my work. I'm content on just sitting this one out, but of course, if he asks I can't say no.

"Where is she," Jensen asks as he looks around.

Steven looks up at him," she is working. She generally doesn’t contribute to these things."

"Oh," Jensen looks dejected. I actually feel bad for having to work. I guess if I rush I could come over for a little. I bite my cheek as I try to figure out anything I could close early.

Around an hour later I make some time, skipping out on stocking for the night. I can just do it tomorrow anyway. I step around the bookshelf and watch the table from the sidelines. Listening to Steven paint the picture, then the gang reacting. I watch Jensen for a bit, smiling a little as I see the enjoyment on his face.

I startle when Carley calls outs," You just going to stand there or you going to sit down?" Everyone turns to me, only Steven turns back to the table.

"Oh hey," Jensen grins," Come, sit." he pulls out the chair next to him. I walk over and take the offered seat, not missing Matt's big smile.

I spend the next hour listening to and watching their game. Keeping quiet on the sidelines just enjoying their jovial behaviors. The mission comes to an end, leaving on a happy note. I stretch and get up before the others could begin packing. I wave to the group and go back to closing.

I count out the register as Jensen stops by the counter," Hi." I finish off the set of ones and give him a friendly smile.

"Hi," I say back.

"Watcha doing," he rests his elbows on the counter.

"Counting out the drawer, make sure I'm not missing anything," I answer as I count out the twenties.

"Are you the manager here or owner," he asks. I get what he is doing, trying to start up a conversation. I appreciate the company, so I answer.

"I'm technically a manager, but it feels like I'm the owner most of the time," I shuffled up all the money and places them back in the drawer.

"Why is that," he watches as I close out the register.

"I do everything here. I make the calls, stock the store, fix the store, advertise for the store. I think the owner just wanted to own a comic book store but not actually run one," I walk around the counter and to the backroom. Jensen follows, staying at the door when we get to the office. He keeps me company as I deal with the paperwork of the day. Dealing with return receipts and new stock.

The night feels like it goes by quickly, probably Jensen to blame for that. He is nice to talk to. Once he comes out of his shell he is funny. Still rambles but it's with fewer nerves and more just enjoyment of the topic. I finished up my work about twenty minutes ago but I didn’t want to send him away just yet. I'm content listening to him talk about his job as a Graphic Designer. He seems to be very passionate about it, grinning widely as he talks.

The conversation starts to die down as we both begin to yawn. I look over at the clock and see we are forty-minute past close. We both decide its time to leave. I walk him to the door and he waits for me as I lock up. I turn back to him and prepare for goodbye.

"Well, today was nice. Thanks for chatting with me, I didn’t mean to make you stay so late. I know I tend to talk too much, I get it can be a little annoying so don’t be scared to tell me to shut up," he tries to laugh but it’s a little self-deprecating. I watch him for a minute, probably making him feel uncomfortable.

I find myself sputtering out the first thing that came to mind," Do you wanna go out sometime?"

He startles, "What?"

"Do you," I point to him," Want to go out with me," I point to myself. He still seems lost.

"Uh," he short circuits, not really getting what I'm saying. He looks uncomfortable and I can't lie, it hurts a little.

"Hey, you don’t have to. It's ok if you don’t," I try to give him an out.

He shakes from his stupor, "No, I want to. I'm just a bit shocked."

 I regard him curious," Shocked? Why?"

"well," he rubs the back of his neck," its just-because- you know."

I smile," No I don't think I do know."

"Its cause- because," he huffs," Because you are you. The super hot comic store girl. I didn’t think you would like me." I can't stop my chuckle. I've never had a guy assume I wasn’t into them, especially when I feel I've been obvious.

"Well, I do. So would you like to see a movie this weekend," I try again since he never really answered.

"yea," he grins widely," I'd love to."

I give Jensen my number and tell him to write. We depart with dorky grins on our faces, leaving for our respective homes.

The weekend comes quick and I meet Jensen at the store. We walk together in a bit of awkward silence. I can basically feel his tension rolling off him. I can't help but try to think of ways to relax him, make him feel comfortable. So I ask him about his job and he takes the in. This seems to work until we make it to the theater. when we go to sit his tension rise again. I try to keep the conversation going but when the movie starts its harder to keep him calm.

I watch him out the corner of my eye the entire film. He fidgets his hand in his lap, not really focusing on the movie. I feel bad he cant enjoy this. I'm running out of things to try, so I go for broke and grab his hand. I interlock my fingers with his and rest them on the armrest. His grip is a bit tight so I rub my thumb to his skin in an attempt to calm him down. Surprisingly it works, he loosens his grip with a sigh. He gives me a quick squeeze then leans back in his seat. I go for broke again when I lay my head on his shoulder. He jumps but doesn’t do anything to push me away. I will take the win.

The movie ends and it wasn’t that great. Probably should have picked a better one. Still, I had fun, only because it was with Jensen. After we got up he grabs my hand again and we walked out together. It was sweet, which is something I never had with my exes. They were a bunch of dumb jocks looking for their next nut. It was fine at the time because I wasn’t expecting much but it was unfulfilling. This, with Jensen, feels good.

We walk back to the store where we chat under the awning. With a brief hug, we part ways, making plans on the phone for another date. I sit in bed that night smiling like an idiot, not wanting to put the phone down till I nearly pass out on my own.

We go on a few more dates after that, nothing getting too intimate besides a kiss on the cheek. We see movies, go out for dinner or go to one of our places to cook. Then every Thursday we talk for hours, even texting once we got home. I like him a lot.

One day while talking at the store he kisses me. I'm startled when it happens, he gets embarrassed and tries to back away. I don’t let him get far and kiss him. Since then the relationship has gotten more intimate. Spending dates snobbing anywhere private like a pair of teenagers. He shocked the gang one night when he kisses me hello. They all had their guesses but we never gave them answers. Since then they have taken to picking fun of us, trying their best to get us to blush. Of course, I was a little harder to crack than Jensen. Still, it was cute to see him get all flustered. Sometimes I joined in on the teasing and give a big kiss to his cheek.

As much touching as we have done we never have gotten around to discussing sex. It was becoming more prominent as some make out sessions left us both a bit bothered. He never initiated anything so I didn’t push, it was fine. But one night while we are sitting on my bed talking he surprises me.

We lounge on my bed looking through his phone at videos he saved. One thing leads to another and we start making out. I have my fingers buried in his soft curly hair, my other hand petting over his chest. I want to badly run it under his shirt, feel his skin on mine. I don’t try to push my luck, wanting him to take the leap.

His fingers clench at my hips making my insides burn. He hesitates in the kiss, but not stopping as his hands play with the hem of my shirt. He slides them under my shirt, gliding them over my hips up to my waist. I find myself gasping and leaning back. Our breath mingles together as I wait for his next move. I can feel his finger shake as he tries to move up but he can't bring himself to do it. I resume petting over his chest, leaning up and kissing his cheek. Telling him in actions that it's ok to go on.

He gains some of his nerves and smooths his hand over my skin. Petting and groping up to my bra. His breath stutters as his thumb timidly traces over the fabric. His breathing stops when he hooks a finger underneath, sliding over till his index touches my boob. He sucks in a gasp, pausing his hand as he catches his breath. I continue kissing his neck and petting his hair. Giving him all the time he needs.

Jensen rests his head against mine before moving to cup my chest. He sighs, tickling my head with his breath. His palms are warm against me, if not a little sweaty. He gropes softly, rubbing his thumb over my hardening nipple.

"so soft," he mumbles to himself. I peck his neck in answer. He continues to grope and squeeze, content in just this for the time being.

Soon he leans back and tugs at my shirt. Asking with his eyes if I could take it off. I don’t even hesitate, I lean back and pull the clothing off. I throw it onto the floor. When I look back at Jensen I nearly laugh, he is captivated by my nearly bare torso. I grin at him as I lead his hands back to me, hinting at him to take my bra off on his own. He catches on and fumbles to unhook the back. He manages well and helps pry the straps off my arms. He tosses the bra off the bed and doesn’t take his eyes off me. He reaches for my chest, watching as his fingers rub my nipples. I leave him to go at his own pace, sighing at the sensations of his hands. He surprises me by leaning down and taking me into his mouth. I choke on my words as his tongue swirls over my bud. I pet along his head, tugging softly on his hair when he sucks on me.

He laves attention on both sides, taking his time to both enjoy and make sure I enjoy it. I feel the all too familiar weight in my stomach, my crotch throbbing with need. I know better than to force anything but its starting to get hard too. I'm happy when he takes another step, pushing me back and crawling over me. He leans down and captures my lips, giving a rather fierce kiss. He continues to cup my chest with one hand, seeming to not be able to get enough. I press my luck and slide one of my hands down his chest, sliding under his shirt and feeling his warm stomach. He gasps into the kiss but doesn’t react. I continue moving up, pulling up his shirt as I go. He lets me, even leaning back to take the clothing off himself.

Once the article is removed he smiles down at me before kissing me again. I return the kiss but turn away so I can get a good look at his newly revealed torso. He pecks down my neck as I pet along his chest. I go up to his shoulders then going slowly down over his pecks, rubbing his nipples as I go past. He licks over my neck before sucking on my skin. I gasp with a grin then trace my nails over his stomach. I chuckle when he sucks in a breath, his stomach clenching as I near his pants.

He stops his assault on my neck, waiting patiently for my next move. I reach over his hips, sliding into his pants as I do. I feel his soft fur, raking my fingers through it as I pet his hips. He rests his head against my neck, watching my hand between us. His antlers rake against the headboard but neither of us pays it any mind. I cautiously run my hands towards his front, keeping my pace deliberately slow in case he wants me to stop. He doesn’t react, perhaps not even breathing as I reach towards his cock.

When my fingers are finally touching him we both jump. His antlers thud against the wood startling me. I pause my hands near his dick. He takes a minute to catch his breath before leaning down and pecking my shoulder. I take that as a sign to continue. I reach down and wrap my fingers around him. I hold him then wait for any signs he wants to stop. His breathing is shallow and rushed, his posture tense. Still, he kisses my shoulder, nuzzling his face to my neck.

I stroke him in a loose grip, enjoying the feeling of his hard cock. He is a well-hung satyr, staying on par with a lot of my exes. He is thick but perhaps averagely long. He is warm and I can feel something wet running down from his tip. I'm curious what he would taste like.

Getting too caught up in the feel of him I don’t notice his whimpers. For a moment I think they are good till he lifts his head away from me. I look at him from the corner of my eye, stopping my motions on him. His eyes are clenched and his breath is still shallow. It doesn’t come out even but in ragged, scared patterns. He looks more than a little nervous.

Without much thought, I retract my hands from his pants. Petting up his stomach and chest to his neck. I tilt his head towards me and give him a peck on the lips. He squints open his eyes, I finally get to see the fear in them. That decides it.

I roll him off me and lay him on his back. He follows without a fight, looking at me curiously and worried. I give him a smile before reaching for my blanket and throwing it over us. I lean over to my nightstand and grab the tv remote. I lay down beside Jensen, laying my head on his chest. I rest my hand on his stomach then turn the tv on.

He doesn’t say anything as I boot up YouTube. He is still breathing hard but he has rested his hand on my naked back. I pull up my unfinished video then fully rest against Jensen. The video plays and I can feel him perk up when he realizes what we are watching. I've been watching Critical Role so we had more to talk about, its not a bad show but its so long.

Soon Jensen relaxes and watches the show. At some point, he started petting my back and holding my hand on his stomach.

"Thank you," he mumbles. I turn my head and look up at him. He adjusts and looks down at me. He looks calmer now, if not a little content. I hum in acknowledgment and kiss his chest. He hums too with a relaxed smile on his face. We turn back and watch the show.

We never say anything about what happened, it being pretty self-explanatory. He wasn’t ready, and that’s fine. We soon fall asleep half-naked in each other's arms. It’s a peaceful rest, best night sleep I've had in a while. 

I wake up the next morning to the feeling of something repeatedly touching my face. I squint my eyes open as I feel something wet against my nose. I first see Jensen smiling at me. He leans down and places another kiss to my cheek then to my chin.

"Morning," he mumbles as he kisses my lips. I hum into the kiss, happy to return it full. I sit up and cup his face as we make out. It’s a bit sloppy for a morning kiss but ill take it. He reaches over and pets over my back, his cold hand causing chills over my spine. I gasp into the kiss making him smile.

He surprises me by sitting up and pulling me over his lap. I balance myself by holding his shoulders. The coldness of the room makes me shiver as I remember my lack of a top. Of course, Jensen doesn’t seem to mind as he slides his hands up my thighs, over my hips, on my stomach to my chest. He watches his hands as they cup me. He pinches at my nipples, smiling when I suck in a breath. He leans forward and begins kissing up my collar. Trailing licks and nibbles over to my neck then jaw. He drops his hands to my hips and grinds me down onto his hard cock. I startle at the suddenness, curious if not pleased with the turn of events. What a way to wake up.

Using whatever bravado he has gotten this morning he grabs my ass and squeezes. He huffs against my neck as he bucks up to my crotch.

"You seem excitable this morning," I gasp near his ear.

"I have a wonderful woman in my arms, what's there not to be excited about," he chuckles. I laugh with him before grinding my hips to his, relishing his groans. We go back to making out but this time he reaches between us and cups my crotch. I startle, sucking in a breath as he fingers me through my pants. He pets me a few times but decides it isn't enough. He slides his hand into my pants and touches me directly. Petting along my slit then diving his fingers inside.

"Very excitable," I gasp. He leans back against the headboard and watches me. Having a pleased grin on his face. A better look than last night. I can't help but lazily smile back, happy that he is comfortable.

His fingers pump and curl inside me, testing out every bump and crevice to see which makes me groan and gasp. I enjoy this different side of him, his smirk is all the more arousing. He adjusts his hold and gets his thumb to rest over my clit, giving timid circles. I try not to grind with him, not wanting this to end so soon. Just enjoying the soft strokes and pumping fingers. His other hand pets over my thigh, everything moving slow. He takes his time, just looking pleased to watch me.

I look down at his chest, my hands following my gaze. I feel his chest rising and falling quickly, his heart pounding at his chest. His face is calm despite his rushing blood and hard cock poking my ass. My fingers trace over his stomach and down to his pants. I feel the tufts of fur poking up, the happy trail disappearing behind his bottoms. As I play with his pants he slows his motions then removing his hand altogether. His face is focused but still calm. He rests both of his hands on my thighs, not moving or giving any indication of what he is feeling.

I hook my finger on his pants while keeping eye contact. I cock a brow in question. His lips quirk slightly, his emotions very different than last night. He nods his head while petting up my thighs a bit, fingers twitching with hidden nerves.

I sit up off him and pull his pants down to his knees, keeping his boxers on. I can't help but smirk at the tent in his underwear, feeling a little confident because of it. I reach for his bottoms but look up at him again, just making sure.

"I trust you," he mumbles while giving a nod. I grin like an idiot, feeling butterflies in my stomach. I hook my fingers to his boxers, brushing my nails against his skin. I pull them down just enough for his cock to spring out, slapping back against his stomach. I suck in a gasp, feeling a wave of arousal flow over my cunt.

"Oh," I gasp. I stare at his swollen member, appreciating its girth. His tip is red and wet, his shaft presenting a lovely prominent vein. I can barely see his balls, just seeing the curly hair flowing under his underwear. Using a finger I push his bottoms down more, brushing against his sack. He jumps at the contact, making me snap my eyes to him. He is chewing on his cheek, seeming a bit nervous. Not nervous like before but a little self-conscious.

He catches my worried look," I'm fine, just… you are staring."  he looks away still chewing his cheek, his fingers fidgeting at his sides. I want to coo but I know it will embarrass him. Instead, I lean forward, my stomach brushing against his cock, and kiss his cheek.

I whisper near his ear," you just look so good, I kind of want a taste." his shoulders drop as his head thumps against the headboard. He clenches his eyes and groans.

"God," he drops his head to his shoulders," maybe later." I lean back to look him in the eyes but he is still tilted away from me. So I grab his antlers, guiding his head back to me.

I cock a brow," later?" he stares at me a bit wide-eyed, worried he said the wrong thing. To ease his tension I lean forward a peck him on the lips," I like the sound of that." he smiles. I take his lips for mine again, introducing my tongue to his mouth. He meets mine as his hands grab my hips. As our tongues mingle I reach between us and timidly grab his cock, worried he will reject me again. Not that I'm bitter about last night, I understand. It's just going to hurt the second time.

He gasps into the kiss, his fingers holding me a bit harder, but he doesn’t stop me. I grip him a little tighter and pump. Feeling the bumps and grooves of his cock, squeezing a bit at the tip. I feel his pre coat my palm, smearing it over his head then the top of his shaft. He bucks into my grip while forcing his tongue into my mouth. His hand reaches to the hem of my pants, reaching in and fingering my clit.

We touch each other, grinding into the other's hand as our tongues intertwine. Our gasps and groans feed each other's wants and desires. I feel on the cusp, my finish nearing because of his fingers. Yet I don’t want him to do it just yet, I want to cum on his cock.

I lean back from the kiss, stopping my hands. His fingers curiously stop, he watches me for my next move. I remove his hand from my pants, nearly whimpering at the loss. I sit up and shimmy out of my pants. He catches on and helps me remove the clothing before tossing them to the side. I rest back on his lap, my cunt sitting at the bottom of his dick. He looks at me with wonder and eagerness.

Curious, I grind my pussy over him, spreading my slick over his shaft. His head drops back as he groans. I watch him with a smile as I repeat. Grinding over him, feeling his warmth partially part my folds. His back arcs as he pushes his chest out.

"Please," he whimpers," let me be inside." I look at his hooded eyes, them begging me along with his words. I nod before sitting up and hovering over him. I look between us, grabbing his cock. I stroke him once or twice then positioning his tip to my entrance. I let just his tip slip in, my insides practically burning with the need. Still, before I can give in to my greed I check to make sure he is ok. I refuse to use him, he means too much for me to do to him what I did to my exes. He isn't just a body to me.

Our eyes meet, his hooded gaze is locked onto mine. He looks like he is in divine torture, biting his lips just waiting with bated breath. He passes a quick glance to where we are about to meet then looks back up at me. He nods once, telling me what I needed to know. Without preamble I drop down on him, taking his cock quickly.

We both cry out as we meet, sitting flush on his lap. I take a second to enjoy the stuffed feeling, resting my palms on his stomach. I watch as his head drops to his shoulder, his eyes clenching as he bares his teeth. I pet over his stomach, giving him a moment to catch his breath.

"Tight," he whimpers as he looks at me. I huff with a big smile. He grins at me as well, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

We sit there for a second as he catches his breath, I wait for his cue. It doesn’t take long for him to raise his hands and cup my hips. He grabs me and grinds me into him. We both suck in a breath, then he does it again. I get the idea and circle him, listening to his sharp breaths and tiny whimpers. I introduce a few short thrusts, using my thighs to lift myself. I watch as his eyes flutter close, his lips parting in a sigh. I ride him, using my hands to balance myself as I lift higher.

I set a fair pace, bouncing on him while gyrating my hips. I stroke over his stomach to his chest, feeling his racing heart. Watching his face contort in pleasure, each fall causing his mouth to part just a little more. I soon lean forward and kiss his cheek. Giving soft kisses under his eye then near his nose. He startles me when he wraps his arms around me. He sits up and begins to give shallow thrust upwards.

My breathing starts to get harder, panting near his ear as our bodies meet. I grind myself into his stomach, my clit stroking over his fur. I groan at the image of his fur flattening from my slick. I start to whimper against him as I feel my pleasure begin to peak. I rest my cheek against him, petting up his chest to his neck. I card my fingers through his hair, just barely touching his antlers. I squeeze my eyes shut as his cries increase my own. His noises spurring me on more.

"God, you feel too good," he pants. I can’t speak now, I just nod. I focus on the feel of his cock sliding in and out of me. Stroking my walls and reaching deep inside. I cry out louder on his next thrust, tugging his hair as I follow my peak.

I don’t have time to warn him before I'm clenching around him. I stop my falls as my legs give out. He chokes on a gasp, grunting into my neck. I feel some drool drip onto my shoulder as he bucks into my convulsing cunt. I slide my fingers up and grasp at his antlers, clenching them in a white grip. I cry with each thrust, falling apart over him. I barely notice when he stills suddenly, feeling something warm and hot inside myself. He lets out a long groan, bucking once or twice more.

He takes a moment to catch his breath, as do I. he holds me close, adjusting to relax his head to my chest. I still grip his horn tightly but I pet his back as I try to even out my breathing.

"Thank you," he still huffs.

"Don’t thank me for that," I laugh," I had fun too." he kisses my sternum as he too chuckles.

"Not that, but thank you for that too," he sits up, not before nuzzling one more time to my boob. He rests his head against the backboard and looks up at me with a fulfilled smile. "Thank you for giving me time," he clarifies. His hands slide down to my waist and keep me close. I stare down at him feeling happy. There is no other way to say it, I'm just happy.

"of course," I pet some hair out of his face," I wanted our first time to be comfortable."

"Most people wouldn’t have stopped," he nuzzles against my hand. Pressing a kiss to my palm.

"Then most people are awful," I joke," I couldn’t use you like that."

"And that why you are so wonderful. Even when it looked like my body wanted it you knew me well enough to see I wasn’t ready and for that I thank you," he leans up and kisses me. It's slow and wet, if not a little lazy. It's nice.

"I love you, Jensen," I find myself mumbling to his lips. He sits back abruptly with eyes wide. I watch him cautiously, feeling the heavyweight of panic in my stomach. Before I could say anything he buries his face to my neck, grinning widely against my skin.

"Aw," he coos," you don’t understand how terrific it is to hear you say that." the panic evaporates quickly and is replaced with a gushy feeling. I rub my cheek to his head, my forehead hitting his antlers. I can't stop smiling or blushing as he rubs his nose and continues to coo. "You beautiful woman, I love you so much," he kisses my cheek," Love you when you joined me in my first campaign. Love you when you held my hand at the movies, relaxing me when I was a nervous wreck. And I love you most when you didn’t force me last night, I will love you forever because you are just too wonderful." I hide my face to his shoulder as he peppers my face with kisses.

"stop," I laugh," my face is going to catch on fire at this rate."

"How can I stop? The cute girl from the comic book store loves me! I never thought id even get the guts to talk to you let alone have sex with you," he rubs his nose near my eye. His grin is wide and his heart still beats wild. I try to fight my smile but it comes out anyway. My teeth showing as my lips curl from ear to ear.

"I thought you were cute when I first saw you too, I wanted you then and now," I kiss his cheek. He shutters and slumps on me.

"You are going to make my heart burst," he mumbles near my ear," first you are kind to me last night, then you are watching Critical Role for me. Next you get me to trust you so much that we make love. And you tell me that you like my stupid awkwardness! God, you are too much." I nearly get teary-eyed at his words, making me feel like a saint when all I did was care about him. I definitely love this timid satyr.

"Do you work today," I wrap my arms around his shoulder. He slides his hands around my waist and hugs me close.

"No. Do you?"

"No," I kiss his neck," would you like to spend the day in bed?"

"I'd love nothing more," he quickly flips us over. I laugh as he settles above me with a big smile. He looks down between us and kicks off his bottoms. Quickly he catches my eye again and cocks a brow in question. I can't help but laugh before grabbing his face and kissing him again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PSA: you can withdraw consent at anytime. This is for both genders. just because a girl is wet, doesnt mean she is ready or willing. Just because a boy is hard, doesnt mean he is ready or willing. communication is important and No means No.

On that note, I really wanted to write a story where the guy wasnt ready. its always the girl not ready to take the leap but it happens to guys too. they arent always the cumbrains we mistake them for. sometimes they need time to trust and open up to a person.

Archive | Main Blog | Critical Role YT Page

[whiterbone-a]

i wanna know what your take on the nanami / gojo relationship is ?? cause a big part of me is like nanami isn't someone who really talks , like you won't get inside of him and he'll make jokes here and there with the whole work is shit thing . but i think he lost his heart and happiness alongside yuu and i think he even said this wasn't a mission first years should be on and the fact that yuu looked up to getou and gojo so much and still got killed was like a fucking blade to the stomach.

i mean do you think there is a romantic possability , i do play around with it but at the same time do you think it would be comforting ?? like i know the big ship is gojo and getou because of how close they were but what is nanami to gojo , a tool and a function or a friend and possible lover ??? and how will his death effect him ???

also were gojo actively smiles , nanami only smiles when death is around the corner and i am like red flags here and there . but sorry this got so long and please feel free to ignore it .

hello and welcome.  take a seat and thank you for joining me.  if this doesnt make sense just pretend u know what im talking about, its the adhd for making my thoughts so scattered everywhere

so in concept the nanami and gojou ship in a romantic concept is rly cute in concept like u have an ex - salary man whos serious doesnt allow himself the luxury of acting his age but on the other end u have someone who still acts like hes a child and never takes anything serious even when hes fighting.  they both endured the trauma being a jujutsu sorcerer entails yet they have nothing in common -- gojou dresses like hes a reflection with the moon and nanami, the sun.  also the fact that gojou thinks that he, himself, is ascended above all he works with while nanami is just a human living his day to day, and lot of ppl use this as nanami to bring down gojou to his morality just like a nudge or a friendly reminder.  he even tolerates and puts up with him a lot more than he should.  hes very patient but very honest.  a lot of the fanart of them is SO CUTE esp when theyre married and living happily with one another.  i even ship them, its actually one of my top ships next to satosugu but like in reality its not so great unfortunately

honestly?  theres a small slim of a possibility but due to the nature of the clash of personalities and what their job its like ... not rly possible

nanami, even out of being a salary man, fully treats being a jujutsu sorcerer as a 9 - 5 job and refuses to work overtime. he has small luxuries like he enjoys reading and eating left overs after a day of working hard like who wouldnt and not to mention hes the type to keep his relationships strictly professional. gojou has probably asked him several times to take him out for drinks after work (altho work never ends with gojou which is ironic) and has said no.  it’s funny now that i think about it,  shouko probably asks him for an occasional drink after hours and he accepts because at least he likes shouko and he knows theres no ulterior motive from her just a couple of coworkers doing some heavy drinking but nothing ever more than that -- hes even said that he wants to get married but when hes no longer a sorcerer

sucks tho, because like everyone else, nanami sees gojou as someone who is extremely powerful and only sees him for his techniques except more like hes a nuisance and extremely annoying, even to the point of having absolutely no respect for him.  he realizes, yeah hes strong but as for the full package that is satoru gojou?  there’s absolutely nothing to respect about that man

and while we’re talking about gojou, i’ll say it, he’s mentally unstable.  i mean, we all knew that -- hes got a couple of “screws loose” as he puts it inside that rattling brain of his.  on the opposite side of the spectrum, hes not capable of handling a romantic relationship.  hes always always busy, its rare that that he gets a breather for himself.  hes always being sent out on missions out of country and ive always portrayed gojou as the type of partner thats not even gentle on his partners in terms of being playful, childish, and being a nuisance.  his mental health is absolutely terrible (i’m not saying nanamis is any better but) hes always acted much younger than what he is altho i do blame his upbringing for that.

and gojou treats everyone as good friends but does like to particularly pick on ppl who take themselves too seriously (nanami and utahime), mei mei and yuki are exempt from this.  he also doesnt rly care for ichiji but like, that doesnt matter LOL.

i do see nanami eventually giving in for one (1) after dinner ‘date’ after work but when gojou is actually less himself, hes tolerable to be around which isnt saying much tbh.  you should def listen to the nanami and gojou drama audio if u can!  they’re so fucking funny as a pair, which solidifies them as being cute but were not talking about that rn.

in terms of being ‘what are they’ to each other, its hard to tell.  i talked about it briefly as nanami reminding him of his morality and being his humility tho gojou doesnt act like it, he fully believes hes above all and everyone, lovers and close friends are included in this.  i read a lot of nana/go fanfics and they portray nanami as someone to push down his ego;  to remind him hes actually Not all that great, a child in an adults body, etc.  he’s a brutality honest man and gojou can take critic and criticisms to his person but that doesnt mean hes going to listen (and he doesnt, hes even self aware that his personality sucks ass but does he bother to change?  absolutely not and he wont start now nor for anyone else).

yuu did definitely help nanami change and shift his ideas about the world, esp hating the jujutsu society afterwards.  like, i dont blame u king, it sucks ass.  tho, i dont think nanami looked up or cared for gojou and getou that much.  getou he looked up to more so because at least hes as a respectable guy, strong, good looking, and stimulates intellectual conversations.  gojou?  not so much.  nanami probably thought that it doesnt matter if u have techniques that is extremely rare to acquire and even more so to master but u suck ass and u dont stimulate joy to be around.

nanami is a good friend and high school buddy to gojou and nanami would definitely call him ‘coworker’ or something along those lines when hes annoyed him too much or doesnt want gojou to benefit too much from simple acknowledgement.  gojou thinks hes an ascended being but he definitely respects and finds nanami to be a strong sorcerer and was rather surprised when he took the 9 - 5 job but it was definitely safer.

death ... ah, i think about this all the time.  it’s like losing suguru all again except he didnt go rogue and kill a whole village.  hes absolutely confident in nanamis abilities to fend off curses and hes too stubborn to let himself die as well, so the idea of him dying doesnt ever cross his mind.  thats a true stab to the gut to hear that nanami has died, maybe a moment of truly being unhinged and a darker nature but we wont rly know until it happens in the manga, which i cant wait.  i mean, at least mei mei, utahime, and shouko are around but this is nanami were talking about.  if this was in terms of a romantic relationship rather than a simple seemingly one - sided friendship of enjoying of being around that person but that person just tolerating him and hoping he goes away eventually.  i can’t say, i can’t say!  just take these thoughts with like a grain of salt.

also that last statement in the ask, gojous smiles are fake and a mask while the rare times nanami does smile, its genuine.

regardless of what i said, i think it can be a comfy ship!  this ship isnt toxic but any means (unless u make it toxic then well, thats a you thing) so just enjoy it!  i know i do i think as long as u recognize that maybe neither of them being a relationship would benefit the other then go stupid go crazy, i know i will.

[fallershipping]

Looker x Anabel Retrospective

The absolute ultimate Retrospective post as to explain why I’ve been on this OTP since 2016. Especially made in mind with the idea that some new peeps on the boat may not realize the extent of the lore between these two characters. Feel free to read this or skip this if you want, because I did pour out my heart and soul and it can be kind of a lengthy read.

Enjoy~

So Looker and Anabel have been two existing characters in Pokemon for the longest time, with both being sort of beloved for different reasons but not too often thought about as compared to other NPCs. One’s a reoccurring comedy relief detective since Platinum and the other is probably the most memorable and strongest of the Hoenn Battle Frontier from Emerald.

But when SunMoon dropped, these two characters got a new lease on life that no one really saw coming. This special appearance made them go from NPCs I never really thought too much about to placing them as my top two favorite Pokemon characters of all time.

The UB Task Force mission, as much as a glorified fetch quest as it seems to be, continues some of the darker, more adult themes brought along with SunMoon. While the main story dealt with subjects of abuse and what it means to be a truly strong person in the case of hardships, the post game surprisingly delves into the corrupt side of a seemingly good organization and idea of sacrificing one life to save another. What appears to be another run of the mill Looker mission takes a dive into the tragic backstory shared between certain characters, and all of this lore was scrapped in the ‘definitive’ USUM games.

So while a lot of people might have played this portion of the game, many could have skipped it entirely or didn’t give the dialogue too much thought.

But you’re asking, why is it special? And why have I cared so much for a potential romantic relationship between Looker and Anabel enough to draw them as much as I have?

Haha. Buckle up buckaroo.

So right off the bat, Looker and Anabel’s banter sets up what kind of relationship they have with one another. They’re formal as coworkers can be, but the more they talk to one another, the friendliness that they share quickly becomes apparent. They also tend to speak highly of each other, no matter if the person is in the room or gone out.

And he’s not wrong! Looker is well aware of just how capable Anabel is for a guy that isn’t really known for Pokemon battles himself.

After the first UB on the list is securely captured, Looker insists on a feast for everyone to enjoy in one of Alola’s famous restaurants, in which Anabel points out asking how he had known of this already having just now arrived here. Looker, flustered, says that he’s read it in a magazine and dashes out to make reservations, cuing Anabel to react to his odd antics in a more...

Affectionate way.

Look at that lil smile.

He’s an odd fellow, for sure. A lot of characters in the past called him weird or were off put by his personality, but Anabel is very patient and sort of endeared by him. He constantly returns to the gang yelling “It’s a catastrophe!” in different languages-- And Anabel doesn’t snap at him angrily for it, but calmly asks him to repeat himself in english so that she can understand him.

During the course of the post game while Looker’s away, Anabel is always talking about him in a positive manner. Despite his quirks, she finds him a league of his own even amongst the elite of the International Police.

Despite this acknowledgment of Looker’s skill and ability, she seems to be awfully dead set on keeping Looker as backup in their base of operations.

Anabel knows how dangerous UBs are. They’re not human criminals that he can easily deal with with his own fists-- they are aggravated alien monsters. Her imagining Looker facing one of them alone without any Pokemon to defend himself with probably scares her deeply.

Scares her enough for her to constantly assign him to be backup for her and the Protag, despite his protests and his expertise in fieldwork.

And yet she never fails to remind him that he is important regardless of whether he’s on the field fighting alongside her or set to backup. Almost, in a way, finding a way to flatter him. (smiling at him as reassurance or perhaps even putting up a bit of charm) She is thankful for his help on getting intel and he’s a valuable asset to the mission, but she cannot bear the thought of her friend getting hurt when she can handle the UBs with her own fully trained Pokemon team.

However, despite her confidence, Anabel grows more and more fatigued with each UB encounter. Looker’s worry rises and he tries even harder to let himself take her place in the field.

As much as she also insists on not wanting to worry him, Looker’s usual goofy and eccentric demeanor begins to change. His speech patterns start to become more serious and his sentences trail off more often, which throughout all the games, is a rather rare sight to see. His care for Anabel brings out something vulnerable and emotional out of someone self proclaimed hard-boiled.

With all the respect he gives her and all the times he commemorates her aptitude, he still fears for her greatly.

And when a familiar character appears, we understand why.

Nanu comes in to talk about the truth behind Anabel’s reappearance in the series; much like the UBs, she came from another world through Ultra Space and ended up as what Interpol dubbed as a Faller. 

Fallers are bathed in the energy from ultra wormholes. Thus, UBs are attracted to these humans, mistaking them as a way back home and going on the attack. Back then, Interpol found a particular use for Fallers by using them to direct the attention of UBs away from public areas.

Which is what happened ten years prior to the events of SunMoon. Looker, Nanu, and a third member were sent to fight a Guzzlord. However, Looker hesitated in harming it further when it realized it was just scared monster sent here against it’s will. But his lapse in judgment cost the life of the third member, a Faller woman, to fall victim to Guzzlord’s attack.

Looker and Nanu took down the Guzzlord but learned the horrible truth about their companion, who was not trained in combat-- she was designated as bait, but the catastrophic results were a failure that shadows Interpol forever. Not long after, the two agents found a woman washed up Poni’s shore recollecting nothing about herself but her name; Anabel.

This is why Looker has been growing ever so worried for Anabel’s safety and why he even asked the champion in the first place to help. The protag is indeed a Faller as well. He thought he could be able to control the situation with having a fantastic trainer who befriended Solgaleo/Lunala to keep the UB outbreak in check-- To make sure Anabel was safe. After all, the protag is able to help the mission go along beautifully and safely capture each UB.

But not without a price. Anabel was still being hurt, and Nanu had to intervene to make Looker realize that he had made a big mistake.

After all, Anabel isn’t aware that she’s a Faller herself. Why doesn’t she know yet? Wouldn’t Looker tell her? Or Nanu?

It would appear as Interpol learned something after all these years, and isn’t really using her as Bait as they did before with the first Faller. Anabel is said to have autonomy over this and chose to save the UBs from a worse fate. Unlike the first Faller, she was properly trained for the UB Task Force missions and for many other Interpol related missions as her own strong, resourceful agent. However, Interpol is still quiet about her status as a Faller and anything relating to them from the past.

And Looker, years after the incident with Guzzlord, is now met with an Anabel with a newly built Interpol life determined to help people, Pokemon, and UBs in need no matter what. She absolutely believes in her successes and her cause. And she is adamant of going on these missions. Looker grows a bond with her and is faced with this troubling realization;

To tell her the truth would mean to collapse the whole world upon her.

After all... Having rebuilt her life, seeing her so confident, so passionate about what she’s doing... He sees her succeed in something he feels all too familiar with-- Starting from the bottom and creating an identity, somehow.

Having been found in the Battle Resort, washed ashore with no memory, not even a name to go by. Looker knows her pain more than anyone else. She needs to know about what she is going through-- But the uttermost pain she will feel and the lingering eyes of Interpol’s heads has been keeping him mortified and silent.

So he does anything and everything in his power to protect her in the meantime, before she can be told the truth. And with the way the Alola mission went, that time is coming up real soon.

However, with the protag and Nanu’s help the UB Task Force finally had every UB under control. And Anabel was kept safe and sound, much to Looker’s relief. They can finally enjoy some time off and no doubt will be in for quite a long, painful, but necessary conversation when the time comes.

Not of course before Looker going off into a slight panic over the idea of Anabel going on a date.

And that was the line that made me totally think “Oh yep, yep! Looker’s got a massive crush on her!”

SO! What’s the take away from all this madness??

The fact that Looker and Anabel care deeply for one another so much, as they go far too out of their way to protect each other from harm. Not just out of necessity, but their banter clearly shows that there’s a deeper connection between the two than just a professional coworker one.

You might argue that Looker is only worrying about her this deeply because of what he went through all those years ago and is trying to prevent the same thing from happening, and yet... He’s grown to appreciate and know Anabel for who she is. She is in fact her own agent that joined Interpol on her own volition and chose to do the UB missions due to her empathy to the lost beings so far from home.

He knows when she’s unwell, he knows why she hides it away. He understands her as a person and it’s wonderful how much they show that they grew to have a bond with one another. Enough for both of them to catch on to each other’s quirks and feel comfortable.

The small giggle that she gives him, the small yet playfully affectionate jab, the way it just says “Oh there he goes again thinking about the feast at this time... Just Looker being Looker~” Because she also knows him deeply as well! This man is not one of her best allies but one of her most trusted companions in this new life of hers and it shows!! 

They’re each other’s most trusted companions and their partnership is just wonderful to see.

Of course, romance can’t happen between them yet-- Not until Anabel knows the truth about Fallers and what Interpol did long ago. But let’s be honest, even the big angst/hurt/comfort fest that would come from that conversation would be a whirlwind of emotions that would just end up with them having an even stronger relationship than they’ve ever had before.

It’s not just that they look wonderful together, complement each other, and such-- It’s all those things plus the backstory and close bond and tragedy that comes from this mission. It makes me want to see them overcome every hurdle and be happy with one another and have all the joy and happiness they deserve after all they’ve been through.

I want to see them in more situations where they can be casual with one another, fight alongside one another, and so on so forth. They just have so much potential and I really think Game Freak sees it too.

And as for a lil bonus, Looker in USUM finding out the protag is the champion but is more impressed with Anabel’s knowledge than the actual champion. Also they’re always vacationing together mutually huh hmm wowie?

--

tl;dr go ship Looker/Anabel aka Fallershipping aka Lookabel best ship 10/10

[mldrgrl]

A Few Thousand Plus One

by: mldrgrl Rating: PG Summary: Written for the fic is medicine @xfficchallenges prompt 3 - Mulder tries to convince Scully to go on a date with him.

Even if they sat down and really thought about it, it would probably be impossible to count just how many diners they’d been to in how many different towns across America.  State to state, not much changes, from the greasy food to the haggard servers to the decadent chocolate milkshakes that Mulder pretends to order for himself, but passes them off to Scully after taking a skim off the top.  

They were somewhere outside Norfolk, on their way home, when they stopped for dinner at a promising-looking diner off the road.  It looked like it ticked Scully’s main boxes at least: clean and clean.

It was a Saturday night, so seating was limited, but they were able to snag a booth next to the front windows after a short wait.  Mulder grinned happily at the the straw dispenser at their table as he slid into the red vinyl seating.  It never failed to amuse him the way the straws would fan out for selection and then collapse when he lifted the lid up and down.  Kitschy vintage appliances were amongst some of his favorite toys.

Scully usually used the time spent at these dinners to go over her notes at the end of a case and Mulder used it to people watch and charm the waitresses into bottomless glasses of iced tea.  While they waited for their burgers, Scully’s pen moved furiously over the pages of her already carefully cultivated report and Mulder kept his eye on a couple of teenagers at the next booth over.

“Hey,” Mulder said.  “Scully.”

“Hm,” she answered, making a noise of acknowledgment without really paying attention.”

“Hey.”

“Hm.”

Mulder pulled a straw out from the dispenser and peeled the end of the paper cover off one side.  He put the exposed plastic end in his mouth and blew, sending the paper sailing towards Scully, which she easily deflected with the flick of her wrist.

“What do you want?” she asked.

He leaned closer and whispered conspiratorially, “I think those kids behind you are on a first date.”

Scully gave a subtle glance over her shoulder as she shook the pen in her hand and then hovered back over her notes.  “What makes you say that?”

“It’s awkward as hell.  They’re not even talking to each other, just looking at each other every so often, and then away.  The boy keeps pulling at the collar of his letterman jacket.”

“I suppose you were a regular casanova at what, 16, 17?”

Mulder shrugged.  “I pulled my share.”

“Mmhm.”

The teen facing Mulder had dirty blonde hair and cystic acne.  He spent a lot of time looking up at the ceiling or at the table.  Mulder couldn’t see much of his date, aside from her dark hair pulled back into a clip.  Scully blocked most of the view, but even the back of the girl’s head looked bored.

“I don’t even remember the last time I went on a date,” Scully said, a little off-handedly.  “It’d probably be just as awkward.”

“Why do you say that?”

“What would I even talk about at this point?  That time a man-sized flukeworm attacked the good citizens of New Jersey or the latest alien abduction data posted in our early edition of The Lone Gunmen?”

“Scully, I’m hurt you’d share alien abduction data with anyone but me.  That’s our thing.”

That earned him a bit of a smile as she turned a page in her notes.  His eyes bounced from the teens to Scully and the teens to her papers.

“What if I took you out?” he asked.

“We are out.”

“Out out.  Like a date, out.”

“Oh, that’s not what this is?”

“I’m serious.”

“Come on, Mulder.”

“I am!”

Three little creases formed above Scully’s right eyebrow as it arched upwards and she raised her eyes to him.  She stopped marking her paper, but didn’t put down her pen.  “That’s just ridiculous,” she said.

“Why?”

“Because we work together. We’re partners.”

“I think you’re just afraid of how good of a date I am.”

She suppressed a smile as she scoffed and then shook her head.  “Mulder, when was the last time you even went on a date?”

“Totally irrelevant.  I’ll have you know I am an excellent date.”

“On what do you base that?”

“I open doors, I bring flowers, I pull out chairs, the whole nine yards.”  Mulder cocked his head as Scully’s face wrinkled as though she’d smelled something bad.  “What’s that look?”

“Mulder, I think you’re confusing dating with being exceedingly polite.”

“It starts with being polite, but then you have to make good conversation. And I’m great at making conversation.”

“About Bigfoot and liver-eating mutants?”

“Hey, if that’s what you want to talk about, who am I to stop you?  Great conversation also includes being a good listener.”

Now, Scully laughed out loud.  “I might be tempted to take you up on your ridiculous offer just to see that.”

“It’s not a ridiculous offer, it’s just an offer.”

A moment passed where Scully’s expression turned from amusement to chagrin, almost as though she’d thought she hurt his feelings by rejecting him.  She nervously flicked her hair away from her face and made a false start to respond.

“Burger medium rare,” interrupted the waitress, sliding a plate in front of Mulder.  “Chicken sandwich for the lady.”

Scully quickly gathered her notes out of the way of the incoming plate and stuffed them into her satchel.

“Chocolate shake will be out in a minute,” the waitress added.  “Can I get you folks anything else?”

This was usually Mulder’s cue to say something like ‘Dolores, I know I probably shouldn’t ask, but if you could find a pitcher of iced tea behind the counter, I would be forever indebted to you.’  But, he didn’t say anything.

“He’ll have another iced tea,” Scully said.

“Coming right up.”

“Thanks,” Mulder said, as the waitress walked away.

“I got impatient waiting for you to turn on the charm and do it yourself.”

“I don’t flirt with other ladies on a date.”

“Mulder, this isn’t a date.”

“It could be like a dress rehearsal date.”

“Do I need to remind you that not five minutes ago you blew a straw at me?  That’s something you do in an elementary school cafeteria, not on a date.”

“We weren’t on our date yet, so it doesn’t count.”

“We’re not on a date now, so it doesn’t matter.”

Mulder brooded over his burger while Scully arranged her chicken sandwich to her liking, removing most of the lettuce and scraping off the excess of mayonnaise from the top bun.  Dolores came and went after dropping off the chocolate shake and iced tea.  Scully pushed the tall, frozen glass over to Mulder in offering, but he shook his head and pushed it back.  Silence prevailed, and so did awkwardness.

“Mulder, are you going to pout about this all night?”

“Give me one good reason why you won’t go on a date with me?”

“I already have.  We work together.”

“Workplace romances are so prevalent they’re cliche.  That’s not a good reason.”

“Yes, I know.  I’ve had my share of workplace romances and they’ve ended badly.  And I think you have as well.  I don’t want that for us.”

“One date.  What’s the worst that could happen?”

“We could enjoy ourselves.”

“Your worst case scenario is that we could have a good time?”

“Yes.  It would be.”

“That is like the epitome of cynicism.”

Scully put down the sandwich she was picking at and wiped her hands on a napkin.  She took a moment to finish chewing and swallowed.  Mulder stared at her, eating steak fries and waiting for whatever retort she was working up.

“Mulder, let’s say we go on this date, and you are exceedingly polite, and we talk and we laugh and you walk me to my door and maybe I even let you kiss me goodnight and then what?  Because what you’re offering is just one date, but what happens if we want more?  What happens if we go on a second date, and then a third?  What happens if we sleep together?  What happens when we can’t go back from what was only supposed to be one date?”

“Would it be so bad, Scully, to want more?”

“Would you risk the x-files over one date?”

“Why would I have to?”

“Because they could split us up or we could split ourselves up over this and...they’re my files too.”

Mulder smiled.  “You’re saying you’d fight me for custody?”

“It’s not funny.”

“It is funny, though.  Scully, I think you like werewolves and mothmen.”

Scully pulled her milkshake towards her with a little too much force and it spilled over the top onto her hand.  “Shut up, Mulder.”  He smiled around a steak fry as she licked her fingers clean before wiping them with a napkin.

“What is a date, really?” Mulder asked once she had her mouth full of chicken sandwich and couldn’t answer.  “It’s two people sharing a meal together, or their time, getting to know each other better.  By that logic, Scully, we’ve already been on a thousand dates.”

She shook her head in disagreement.  “We spend time as coworkers.”

“Never as friends?”

“Sometimes.  But, not lovers.”

“I know times have changed, but isn’t dating still a precursor to becoming lovers more often that not?”

“You’re not gonna win this argument, Mulder.”

“I already have.”

“When?”

“When you told me to shut up.”

Scully huffed in annoyance.  The teenagers caught Mulder’s eye again and he surreptitiously watched the boy turn about three shades of red as he splattered ketchup over his plate.  He could hear both kids laughing.  He hoped the girl was laughing with the boy and not at him.

Mostly finished with his burger, Mulder slid out from his side of the booth and moved to Scully’s side.  She paused, her mouth open for a bite of her sandwich, and watched him slide towards her.  The closer he got, she leaned away.

“What’re you doing?” she asked.

“One date.”

“You just said we’d already been on thousands of them.”

“Well, then, what’s one more?”

“Why now?”

“Why not?”

“Answer the question and maybe I’ll say yes.”

“Because I’ve shared thousands of meals with you and I know your shoe size, but I can’t tell you what your favorite color is.”

“We don’t need to go on a date for you to find that out.”

“Maybe not, but at the very least we could both say the last time we went out with someone wasn’t when Reagan was in office, if asked.  And who else are we gonna date?  I mean, you could take your pick of any of the lab guys that geek out over you every time we come down for analysis, or one of the stud detectives that watch you walk away from a crime scene with a little drool at the side of their mouths, or Frohike.  Let’s not forget Frohike.”

“None of that is true, Mulder.”

“It is.  You just don’t notice.”

“Well, I’m not interested in any of them.”

“Maybe all I can offer you is politeness and scintillating conversation about lake monsters and the chupacabra, but it has to be better than nothing, right?  I mean...I think I’m better than nothing.”

“Of course you are.”

“I’ll even wait until date three to bring up the Mongolian death worm.”

“Mongolian death worm?”

“Ah ah, have to buy the cow if you want the milk.”

Scully responded with a roll of her eyes.  She hadn’t rejected him again though.  Mulder stole a sip of her milkshake and then went back to his side of the booth.  Eventually, he flagged the waitress down to get their check and he paid for it with his own cash and not the bureau card, which didn’t go unnoticed by Scully.  He took her satchel and held the door open for her as they walked out, which wasn’t unusual, but it stood out to her.

Their rental car was at the far end of the parking lot.  Scully slipped her hand around Mulder’s bicep and held him loosely as they walked.  Strolled, really, as he almost came to a stop when she did it.

“No diners,” she said.  “Nothing too fancy either.  I like Italian and I like ambiance.  You can pick me up, but you don’t need to bring flowers.  My favorite color is green.”

“Got it.  Green, really?”

She shrugged, let go of him as they reached the car, and took her satchel back.  She went her way to the passenger side and he went ahead to the driver’s door.  The locks were automatic on the keyring and he held it up to open both sides with one click.  She opened her door.

“Hey,” he said to her over the roof of the car.

“Yes?”

“Just thought you should keep in mind, I’m a really good kisser too.”

Her eyebrow shot higher than he’d ever seen it and she took a glance down at his mouth.  “So am I,” she said, and got into the car.

The End

[olivermajor226]

Drafted Chapter 4: Preview

Up to 25,000 words, still writing. Until then, an extended preview.

Pinwheel Universe: Original Timeline, August 2008

Staten Island, New York City

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

Rogue rolled her eyes as she looked up from her book, sighing heavily as she glanced around her darkened bedroom. The sun had set and the room was humid, and she was only in a tank top and underwear, lying on top of the bedspread. It was always hot in the attic and she kept the ceiling fan on constantly, not only because it had been such an unbearably hot summer, but also because the residential feline, Zues, was scared of ceiling fans when they were off. An odd quirk about the cat she was beginning to truly adore. Rogue yawned for a moment, before moving to turn on the bedside table lamp. As soon as she did, she noticed a set of green eyes staring at her from the foot of the bed, and Rogue smiled at the intruder. Zeus had made his faithful nightly appearance, rubbing his head momentarily against the side of her foot, demanding attention.

“I really don’t get what the fuss is all about,” she said out loud to the cat, gesturing to Twilight, which she had closed in frustration and plopped on the bedside table. She’d purchased the book at the Borders in Penn station as a recommendation from her coworker Carmen-oh, trust me, Marie! You. Will. Love. It!-- to read on the long rides home on the Staten Island Ferry, and so far she was unimpressed. Falling desperately in love with a hundred year old vampire. Ridiculous, Rogue thought, while she pet the black cat with the white belly, who arched his back and purred at her touch.

Zeus was technically Mrs. Mable’s cat, the woman whose attic she was currently renting. The house was a cozy bungalow, which had regrettably seen better days, settled in the heart of Staten Island. Still though, the house had good bones, which Rogue appreciated. It reminded her of the old homes on her street where she grew up, down to the antique hardware and floral wallpaper.

Just like her feline companion, Mrs. Mable had taken a liking to Rogue, mostly because Rogue paid rent on time and helped her take out the trash and would often listen to the woman’s stories of the city in the 1940’s when the woman worked for Western Union, even though Rogue had failed to tell the woman she was vastly undercharging for rent, being this was New York City. Rogue was only paying $200 a month, although that was about all she could afford from what she was making at the desk job she was currently temping at in the city. It was a long, expensive trek to work each day, and she had bought the book to get her mind off of the fact that, one afternoon, she’d glanced out the dirty window of the ferry to see the Statue of Liberty in the distance, and a cold shadow of a feeling had gripped her heart.

Suddenly, in a rare moment of conversation, the cat meowed, bringing her out of her thoughts, and Rogue smiled.

“What do you think, Zeus? Team Edward or Team Jacob?” she asked playfully as she continued to scratch the cat behind the ears, savoring the feeling of the soft fur, the body  underneath that.

She’d touched many things in the last year. She’d shaken hands and held open doors and hailed taxis, all without gloves. She’d gone dancing with Carmen. She’d kissed boys and girls while drunk. She’d hugged people. She’d casually touched them. She’d made out with some, gone to second and third base with a couple of others. She’d flirted and smiled and laughed. It had been everything she had imagined it to be, she had quickly realized. The only part she missed, of course though, was the company. She had been surprised with how long Logan’s presence stuck around in her mind after the torch, but from the day she had the injection onward, they all had disappeared, and for the first time in a long time her head was simply...empty. Voiceless. Still. At times, it was still disconcerting. Rogue alone in this tiny bedroom apartment with the seventies avocado-green kitchen and the bubbling wallpaper and the hallway that smelled like cat litter, but it wasn’t Westchester, and that was enough.

Rogue frowned at the thought. It took two days after she’d come back from taking the cure. Bobby had kissed her, and the look on his face told her he regretted it. Perhaps she’d known it from the beginning, how he’d react, but it was everyone else who made it hurt worse. Jubilee was fake around her, Kitty stopped speaking to her. She had even remembered Logan barely acknowledging her, walking around with a dead look in his eye, although Rogue assumed that was more from the events that had transpired in San Francisco than anything else.

After the funeral, she had gone to bed exhausted, and sad. And, when she had woken up the next day, she knew he was gone. Not Bobby, but Logan. No goodbyes this time. No dog tags to be handed off. She knew he had one foot out the door already, but...she would have thought he’d at least warn her. Say goodbye. And she knew, this time, he was gone for good.

It wasn’t long after that, she left too. She couldn’t face them, couldn’t face it. But, of course, away from the shelter of Xavier's, she had no money. It was rough, in the beginning. She’d been beyond lucky to find the posting of Mrs. Mable’s room, and she thanked the world for small favors. Slowly, as spring became summer, she found steady work, and steady friends, and her fears eased. She stopped seeing herself as the other, and, instead, the same as. And that was also enough.

--

The next morning, she frowned slightly at the book, but decided against her best judgement to take Edward and Bella with her on the ferry. She rolled her eyes through most of it, and by the time she got to the office, she dreaded talking to Carmen about whether or not Bella had made the right decision to stick with the vampire. Luckily, however, they were busy today, so Marie forced a smile on her face, tucked in her cheaply made button down shirt into her black slacks, fixed her headset in her ear, and pretended not to be tired as she answered the phone for HR at the pharmaceutical company in midtown she worked for.

“So are you coming out on Friday or not?” Carmen said after a particularly long phone call, before downing half a bottle of Evian. Rogue shared a cubicle with Carmen, a desk on either side of the eight by eight space. Carmen was a beautiful woman of Italian descent with a thick Long Island accent who had immediately taken a liking to Rogue when she first arrived there. Carmen had helped Rogue learn the ropes, and Rogue knew Carmen found Rogue ”exotic” because of her southern accent, and was always trying to set up Rogue because of it. Carmen was also always drinking water and chewing gum between calls. “To get the bad taste out of my mouth when I deny another claim,” she explained one day to Rogue early on.

“I don’t know. I’m kinda tired this week. It’s been a long one,” Rogue said about the weekend, cracking her knuckles as she glanced at the time. 3:22pm. Ugh. Time didn’t move fast enough inside a cubicle.

“Well, you should come out because I have a date,” Carmen said, a spark in her eye. Rogue laughed out loud at this, shaking her head.

“Why would I wanna come with you on your date, hun?” she asked, and Carmen rolled her eyes.

“It’s not a date date. I’m...checking him out. Meeting him and his friend for coffee. I could use a wing woman. Rosalie from payroll is setting me up with him. He’s her cousin, or something” Carmen said, and then, looking around the cluster of cubics and leaning in a little bit over her desk she dramatically, “I guess the word is he’s a mutant.”

Rogue almost spit out the gatorade she had been drinking, but managed to swallow and feign...surprise? Funny thing was, other than the rising anti-government sentiment, most humans out in the real world didn’t think twice about mutants, not their plight, their struggle to be accepted, none of it. Marie had been shocked to find this out, but, after some time, she had come to realize it was always this way with a group of people who had privilege over another- the privileged group never thought it was that big of a deal and it couldn’t be that bad for them. Anyway, this news was surprising coming from Carmen, because she usually liked the blonde, athletic, cookie cutter type.

“That so?” Rogue finally asked.

“Yeah. Apparently...he has a tail,” she said, winking.

“Why does that matter?” Rogue blurted out, before she could stop herself, but then Carmen was grinning.

“Girl, use your imagination. Think of the sex,” she grinned, and Rogue must have made a face because Carmen was frowning.

“Didn't take you for a speciesist, lady,” Carmen said through a pop of her gum.

“I’m not-” Rogue sighed, but then Carmen threw up a finger, spit her gum out, and raised her eyebrows. Rogue frowned, but then turned to see their boss walking down the hall toward them. Mr. Henry MacIntire, Vice President of Human Resources,  was a studious looking man, fairly young for his position--Rogue guess early thirties at most--always dressed nicely, with a pair of tortoise shell glasses settled on his nose that Rogue found herself taking a liking to. He was polished, poised, a gentleman, she thought upon meeting him. Unlike Nancy who was in charge of the Admin assistants, he was never gruff with the underlings, never condescending or patronizing, and he always checked in on all the HR staff from time to time, but especially Rogue. To the point where Carmen had suggested maybe their boss had a thing for her, which Rogue had immediately shrugged off.

“Hello ladies,” he greeted them, stopping for a moment to hover outside their cubicle.

“Hello Mr. MacIntire,” Carmen smiled her brilliantly white smile, and Rogue simply nodded at him.

“Busy day today, yeah?” he said, directly addressing Rogue.

“Uh, yeah,” she muttered, through a quiet smile. “You too?” she asked and he grinned.

“The worst,” he said, his blue eyes dancing behind his glasses, and she found herself a little lost for words as he focused on her.

“Oh, Marie,” he finally added, extending a file folder her way. “ Do you mind sticking around a little later today? I need you to make some calls. We need to extend invitations to the additional names listed here for the web seminar on Friday, sort of last-minute. I hate to put this on you, but I trust you to get it right,” he said through an honest smile, and when Rogue found herself taking the file folder, she noticed their fingers just momentarily brushed, and a surge of adrenaline coursed through her. Of course, he was completely fine, hadn’t even likely noticed it had happened.  

“Of-of course, Mr. MacIntire,” she finally said, and, again, he smiled at her and pushed his glasses up his nose.

“Thank you, Marie. You’re the best,” he replied, and then, just before he was about to walk down the hall, he stopped, turned on his heel, and added, “Remember what I told you both. Call me Henry,” he smiled.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, Henry,” Rogue murmured, and then he was nodding and Rouge watched as  he walked off to his office down the hall. She smiled a bit, and when Rogue turned back to Carmen, the other woman was grinning devilishly at her.

“What?” Marie asked defensively.

“Nooottthhinnngg,” Carmen said, before holding up her finger as her phone began to ring. Rogue frowned a little, before turning back to the manilla folder. She opened it up to look at the list of names, mostly other HR heads of other pharmtech companies, only to notice there was a post-it note on bottom of the piece of paper with a note scrawled in Henry’s handwriting.

I really do need to thank you for doing this. I know it’s annoying to ask you to stay late. Maybe wanna grab a drink with me sometime so I can make it up to you? My treat. - H

Rouge’s smile widened as she quickly closed the manila envelope, grinning like an idiot now, just as her own phone began to ring again. But even the ringing telephone, even the bad novel on her desk, even the long ferry ride she’d have home tonight, sailing alongside the memories of her past, memories of him, couldn’t shake her current mood, as she set down the folder and put her headset back on, answering a little more cheerfully than normal with her rehearsed response.

“Transigen Incorporated, Human Resources Division. My name is Marie. How may I help you?”

[buckysgoldenheart]

Unprofessional: Seb Stan x Reader  Part 5

Summary: Starring in the same movie meant feelings between any two actors was not allowed.

Sebastian Stan x Reader

Part: 5/?

Warnings: Cursing, I think. 

Words: 2151

Hope you guys like it. Comments are appreciated!!!!

Part 5

SEB P.O.V.

I didn’t even say ‘bye.’ Why the fuck didn’t I say ‘bye, Seb’s mind screamed, disappointed in his actions, or lack thereof. What the fuck is wrong with me?

As he made his way to his car, Seb turned his head over his shoulder to get one last look at you as you talked to a member of the set crew, but he didn’t stop walking until he was forced to by a small body blocking his way. Seb’s head whipped so fast to the source that his brain slightly jostled in his skull.

“Ann?!”

The small red-head before him smirked and gave a little wink. “Hi, baby.”

After recovering from shock, Seb huffed out a breath as he glanced back in your direction to make sure you were nowhere near. “Ann, what are you doing here?” He asked, exasperated. “How did you even find out where I am?”

She stood on her toes, put both of her manicured hands on his chest, and placed a small kiss on his cheek before he had the chance to protest. “Was just missing my man; Thought I would come pick him up and take him home, and don’t worry about how I’m here, just be happy that I am.” She smiled and brushed her fingers through the hair just above his ear and Seb flinched at her touch.

He grabbed her hand from his face and placed it back at her side. “Ann, we talked about this. We aren’t—”

The girl rolled her eyes. “I know, I know…’involved anymore.’”

“Yea.” He replied, nodding his head just a little extra harder than normal, hoping to drill that point home. “That’s exactly right, so why are you here?”

Ann’s brown eyes trailed up and down the length of Seb’s body, his face growing more bored as she took her sweet time, until he had to look away from the eye-groping for his sanity. That look of hers may have worked on him months ago, but not anymore. “I gave you some time to think about us and now I’m back.” Ann said, turning Seb’s face back to hers by his chin.

“This wasn’t something I needed to think about. I was pretty clear.”

She made a humming sound at his statement that he recognized all too well as an indication of her not giving a shit about what he said. “Seb.” She said, locking her eyes with his. “C’mon, you can’t be seri—Oh my God, is that Y/N; That girl you’re working with?”

“What?” He hadn’t noticed Ann look over his shoulder until your name fell past her lips.

Ann pointed in the direction Seb knew you had been minutes before, he had just hoped you had gone home already. His ex was the last person he ever wanted you to meet. “That Y/H/C-haired girl over there?”

Seb didn’t need to look. It was too late to fix the problem anyway. “Yes.” He said, his tone solid, but angry as a result of this situation.

A shrill laugh passed her painted lips. “Well, thank God, huh?”

Seb’s eyebrows scrunched together, genuinely confused at her reaction. “What?”

“I thought she was going to be pretty. I was worried about her stealing my man.” She smiled and drew a fingernail from the tip his shoulder to the curve of his wrist. “But, clearly that will not be a problem.”

“I’m not your man, Ann.” Seb groaned. “And what the hell do you mean you thought she would be pretty? She is p—"

“Is, um, this a bad time?”

Fuck, Seb internally cursed as he heard your sweet voice behind him and rolled his eyes at the satisfied smirk on Ann’s face. Seb was so engrossed in arguing with Ann that he didn’t hear your footsteps. He turned away from the woman he loathed to face you and the uncomfortable look that had spread across your features. It was like all at once, you figured out what was happening in front of you, how he felt about you, who Ann was, and how utterly screwed he seemed to be in this moment; but, Seb couldn’t help his smile when he saw you, even with the awkwardness of the day looming over your heads. “Y/N, hi…”

“Is this a bad time?” You asked again, your beautiful Y/E/C eyes staring at him from under thick, long lashes. You hadn’t looked at Ann yet and Seb just prayed you couldn’t see her altogether. “I was asked to give you this.”

Seb didn’t even look to the thing in your hand, barely even registering what you said. He just saw you in front of him and knew that your bodies being so close made him forget that Ann was even there, but he should’ve known that wouldn’t last. Moments later, Ann’s aggravating voice piped up from behind him, drawing your attention away and forcing the magic Seb felt from his current connection with you to shatter to bits at his feet.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me, Sebby?”

When he made no move to bring you and Ann into the same conversation, the annoying one took it upon herself.

“Can’t trust this man to be a gentleman for his life.” She chuckled, and it made him nauseous. “I’m Ann, Sebastian’s girlfriend.”

At that word, Seb’s eyes snapped shut from frustration. Why I thought she wouldn’t try to stake her claim is far beyond me. When he opened his eyes, he saw your face had changed, but he couldn’t pinpoint exactly how.

“Oh.” You acknowledged, your head down, eyes suddenly interested in the pavement.

“You’re not my girlfriend!” He groaned without turning to Ann, then quietly directed his words to you. “Y/N, she’s not my girlfriend.”

“It’s not really my business. It’s late, I should get home. I’ll see you on Monday.” You hurried away, the paper you were meant to give him still in your clenched hand.

Seb felt clear, sharp pain when you left him to trek back to your car. It hurt, the fact that you walked away from him so easily, the unreadable expression on your face, coming to the realization that he wouldn’t see you the entire weekend.

“Aww, she seems sweet. I would love to get to know her better; let her know where her boundaries lie when it comes to you.”

The sarcasm dripping from Ann’s mouth did nothing to calm Seb’s overflowing frustration.

He whipped around and grabbed his ex by her upper arm. “Boundaries are not going to be a problem, so Leave. Her. Alone.” He demanded, his lips close to her face and blue-grey eyes burning in a threat.

“Oh please, I saw the way she was looking at you.” She spat, before her lips formed a smirk rivaling any Disney villain’s. “She needs to learn a lesson. Maybe I should catch up with her before she leaves.”

Seb gripped the red-heads arm firmer. “You listen to me right now. Y/N didn’t do anything, ok? She is my coworker and I don’t need you causing more problems in my life than you already have.” He growled, then released her and stepped back. “Besides…she doesn’t like me like that.”

 -----------------------------------------------------

SEB P.O.V.

The Next Day

“Oh my God, just do it already!” Anthony moaned as he laid along Seb’s couch, eating popcorn and throwing an occasional kernel at the screen in front of him when his team didn’t score.

Seb looked at his phone warily, reading the text he had written and rewritten while his thumb hovered over the ‘send’ button. “I don’t know if I can.”

“If you don’t do it, I will.” His friend replied, words muffled by a mouth full of snack food.

------------------------------------------------------

Y/N P.O.V.

Your phone dinged with a notification, which was beyond odd, because your phone never dinged with a notification unless it was from your roommate, Billie. With a confused look on your face, your head slowly turned left to the tall, raven-haired girl sitting next to you on your bed, her eyes fixated on on the tv show in front of her as she munched on some Doritos.

Billie had always been great at multitasking, could text and do anything else at the same time, but considering her phone was nowhere to be seen, you guessed it probably wasn’t her.

“Billie?”

“Yea.” She asked, face stuffed with chips as she continued to stare at the show in front of her.

“Did you just text me?”

Apparently, your question was stupid enough to merit a judgmental face and direct eye contact, because Billie rarely looked anyone’s way once Netflix was turned on.

“Ok, hun, I know you’ve been kinda stressed lately, you know, with the ridiculously hot co-star and all, but maybe you should take it easy. Maybe take a nap.”

You grabbed your phone off the nightstand and fiddled with it between your hands, nervous to click the unlock button. “My phone dinged.” You said as you stared at the dark screen. One touch of a button and you would see who it was from, but no one ever texted you, No one except Billie.

This is silly.

You looked back to your best friend, her eyes re-glued on the tv. “Yea? I’m not sure what you want me to do about it?” She chuckled. “Maybe, I don’t know, check who it’s from?”

You nodded, still looking at the phone, then clicked the button with your thumb. The screen brightened, and the image of your dead dog popped up. “One new notification’ with the little messaging box next to it covered Fluffy’s big, brown eyes.

If I want to see my dog ever again I’m going to have to open it.

You entered in your pin and there it was, your ‘one new notification,’ from non-other than Sebastian Stan. You had forgotten the director gave you each other’s numbers before you even met in case you wanted to do outside rehearsing, or discuss the scene, or whatever came to mind.  

“I’m having a party at my place tonight. I know its short notice, but I hope you can make it.”

That’s all it said except for his address a couple spaces underneath and the time the party started.

Party at Sebastian’s starting in 30 min and he wants me to come?

“Oh, no.” You whispered to the phone.

“What?”

“Uh n-nothing.”

Yours eyes had yet to look up and without expecting it, Billie had snatched your phone from your hands. You swatted at her and grabbed for it, but her arms were a little longer than yours. She held you back as she read the words in front of her.

“A party?” She said, excitedly, tossing your phone back in your lap.

You huffed in response. “Yea…”

“At the ridiculously hot co-star’s apartment?”

“Yea…”

Billie smiled mischievously and got up from the bed, chips and Netflix forgotten. “Oh, you’re going.” She said, walking over to your closet and rummaging through it.

You panicked at her statement, not question, but statement. “No! Billie, no way!”

She pulled out the only sexy dress you had; simple, short-ish without being slutty, and in a deep plum shade that gave you ‘killer curves,’ or so Billie claimed, then threw it near you. “Yes, way.”

You stood and moved to where she stood as she looked for your black heels and you took the opportunity to snatch the dress from where it laid on the bed to put it back in the closet.

“Don’t you dare!” She scolded from a hunched position, her back facing you. She knew you too well. “You are going!”

“Billie—”

“No!” She yelled again, standing and tossing your shoes on the mattress. “This is the first man you have been attracted to in I don’t know how long, and he has invited you to a party at his place. I will drag you there kicking and screaming if I have to.”

“We work together!”

“I. Don’t. Care.” She said as she repeatedly poked your shoulder with a finger. “Now, be a good girl and put on your outfit, do your make up, and get out of here.”

“It’s at 9.”

She wiggled her eyebrows. “Then, you better get cracking if you want to look like a sexy-as-hell goddess for that man of yours.”

Your face straightened out. “Not my man. I think he has a girlfriend anyway. I mean, he said he doesn’t, but the woman he was with seemed pretty damn sure he does.”

“Well, show up looking like a seductive temptress and figure it out. If she’s there, hanging all over him, making out with him, then yea, maybe he does…God, that would suck.”

“Maybe? Maybe he does? If he’s doing all those things with her, I would say he definitely does.”

Billie huffed. “Just go.” Then, she lightly slapped your ass in the direction of the bathroom where all of your make-up products lived.

Tags: Perm: @dugan365 @moonlightimagination @pietrotheavenger @marvel-fanfiction @agentsinstorybrooke @dani-si @alyssiamking @wintersoldier98 @then-there-was-me-emily @prxttybirdz @tessvillegas @xceafh @jazzwoman897 @fandoms-who @meganwinchester1999 @ufffg @debra77 @rebelliouscat @anise-d-castle6 @projectxhappiness @buckybarnesappreciationsociety @lowkeysebby @stringgeek13 @quotemeow @jjamesbbarness @stangirl4eva @guera31 @sophiatomlinson23 @youreahandsomedevil @thisismysecrethappyplace @rex-orange-baby @slytherin-in-hufflepuff-robes @itssmallerontheoutside-13 @hiddles-rose

Unprofessional: @randomawesomeperson102 @asstiel4-20 @amina4-4 @buckysrcse @tacohead13 @pxrrishly @jamesbuckybarnes13 @universal-death-of-a-fangirl @sirod-30 @cutesy-angst @partlybcrnes 

[latetothegreysparty]

15x11: Subtle Brilliance

I might be in the minority here, but I really loved 15x11. Absolutely loved it. I thought it had a beautiful way of subtly showcasing the characters’ personalities and vulnerabilities, particularly Amelia and Tom. So without further ado, here’s my deep dive. Thanks to @omeliasource for allowing me to use their YouTube clips in this post.

This was the first scene that I really loved. It was such a lovely, in-character way of handling the nerves for Amelia and Tom. This was the beginning of this episode’s exploration of Tom’s “arrogance” and what function it really serves in his life. The way he openly acknowledged that he was failing to achieve his usual level of outward cockiness illustrated how much he relies on this for coping with stress and anxiety. He is an extremely talented surgeon who knows how skilled he is, so in most procedures, he probably is very confident that he will achieve a good outcome. However, just like anybody else, he experiences nervousness and doubt. His chosen way of handling that is to present a facade of over-the-top confidence that convinces everyone around him that he thinks he can do anything. When he steps into that character, it’s a signal to his brain that it’s time to push aside the nerves and perform. In this scene, we see the first failure of his air of over-confidence to pull him out of his emotions.

Then we have the part about Amelia’s rambling. The fact that Tom even suggests it shows two things: that he understands Amelia well and that he affirms her ways of working through intrusive thoughts and emotions. He says it so casually, but it has so much meaning behind it. This is one of the things I love most about Tom’s character: that he conveys such deep and meaningful messages in understated ways. In a show that often deals heavily in long-winded, passionate rants, it’s nice to also see meaning presented more subtly. I enjoy the tear-filled monologues as much as the next Grey’s fan, but it’s just not realistic to have all of the moments of revelation come in such spectacular fashion. Most often, life reveals poignancy to us in the form of seemingly mundane words and actions. Capturing that well is where the art of film and television goes from good to great.

Lastly, I loved how Tom’s “Amelia word vomit” starts out as an expression of concern about the men whose penises won’t be saved if they don’t succeed in Catherine’s surgery. This is something Tom and Amelia share: a tendency to deflect tough situations and emotions by cracking a joke or saying something crass. Amelia calls him on it, and then he gives us a glimpse of where his thoughts are really at. This was a lovely scene from start to finish.

“Could you call it something else?” “Like what?” “Literally anything else.” That exchange had me rolling. Amelia and Tom’s banter is legendary, and that alone is reason enough for me to want Tom to become a permanent member of the cast.

The conversation in the last minute of this clip was fascinating. The way they communicated was so uniquely them. They were talking rapidly and in a way that would make seemingly no sense to an uninformed bystander, but yet nobody batted an eye. I think this speaks to the camaraderie and understanding between everyone at Grey-Sloan. They understand each other, and they understand the relationships their coworkers have with each other. Everybody knows how Tom and Amelia work, and they all trust and respect them enough to step back and let them work through things in the ways that work for them. Amelia’s final remark, “For the record, I do not like you,” was also a brilliant inclusion. It was a way that was unique to their style of communication to say: “I know you’re right, but I hate that this is the only way.” It was the perfect way to say many things with few words as well as keep from saying things that shouldn’t be said in front of Catherine’s friends and family. But more on that later.

This was my favorite scene in the entire episode. I word-vomited to @omeliathehurricane about it last night. This was the best example in the show of doing so much in small ways. For the first time, we seem Tom Koracick falter heavily. He saw Catherine’s face and struggled to continue with the procedure. Amelia had the most perfect response for so many reasons. It was a way around the issue to allow them to continue with the procedure. But it was more than that. She knows exactly how Tom’s mind works, so she knew that the best way to bring him back into himself was to simultaneously remove him from the difficult moment and give him an opportunity to pull out his arrogance as a way to quell his doubts and emotions and move forward. She respected his coping mechanism and subtly gave him a way in which to utilize it.

But her handling of that situation was merciful to more than just Tom. She was also looking out for every other member of the surgical team. Everyone knew that the stakes were high and the procedure would be difficult. If the nurses, scrub techs, anesthesiologist, etc. knew that the surgeons were having difficulty even moving forward with the procedure, that would introduce a whole new level of stress into the room. Amelia found a way to draw attention away from Tom’s struggles and protect the rest of the surgical team. She also protected Bailey and Webber. Her quick and discreet way of dealing with the issue kept it from being visible in the gallery. If Bailey and Webber had detected Tom’s difficulty, the whole situation could have devolved and gone down one of many not-so-good paths. Amelia was faced with a potentially massive problem that could’ve created a domino effect of issues, but she was able to come up with the optimal solution within seconds. That short little exchange showcased her ingenuity, her emotional intelligence, her understanding of the people who she cares about, and her ability to see the whole picture. This was an incredible example of a small, easily missable moment that contained a massive amount of nuance and meaning. 

“To be present enough to have felt every terrifying, exhilarating, imperfect moment.” That is such an important note. Life rarely gives you moments of pure perfection. On rare occasions it does. And when it does, you should hold onto those moments and savor every second. But if the only moments you can appreciate are the perfect ones, you’re going to go through life chasing a high that you’ll never find. The key to living a fulfilled life is to find and embrace the beauty in imperfect moments. Moments that are challenging and heartbreaking and not the way you pictured them, but are nonetheless filled with wonder and joy. Amelia encapsulated that so well here, and it really resonated with my own personal experiences of finding joy and hope.

I’m so glad Richard was there too. There’s the obvious connection that he is Catherine’s husband, but to me, that’s not the biggest message from his presence at this meeting. He was there with Amelia in the moments when she was struggling to find that beauty in imperfection, so it seems rather fitting that he was there when she fully embraced and appreciated it.

Okay, I think that’s about it for my extremely long-winded thoughts on this episode. As you can tell, I loved it, and I found it deeply thought-provoking. Yes, it didn’t have any Omelia in it, but that’s okay with me. I love Omelia, but I also love Owen and Amelia each individually, and I love exploring relationships they have with other people and aspects of their characters that are showcased outside of their relationship with each other. This was an amazing episode that beautifully showcased the relationship between Amelia and Tom as well as many aspects of each of their personalities. Caterina and Greg did breathtaking work bringing the subtleties of this episode to life.

[ryukoishida]

QZGS Secret Santa Fic: In which QYF is a CSI and MF is a lab tech and they go on an adventure to solve murder cases. [CSI AU]

Written for QZGS Secret Santa 2018 For: @synoshian

Title: Evidence of Things Unseen Fandom: Quan Zhi Gao Shou / The King’s Avatar Character(s)/Pairing(s): MoQiao (Mo Fan/Qiao Yifan); featuring other members of Happy Summary: One gentle, talented crime scene investigator + one brooding, uncommunicative lab technician + two murder cases = an unexpected blooming romance?! [CSI AU] Rating: PG13 A/N: A CSI AU that nobody asked for… Also, please excuse any inaccuracies in the science-/mystery-related stuff in this fic. I tried. I regretted only a little. Happy holidays, Lies! I hope you enjoy this mess of a fic :’)  

-

“Yifan, great job on solving the Liang Hailing case. Her mother gave me a call just now; she wanted to thank you especially for being so kind and considerate of her and her family during the investigation,” the graveyard shift supervisor of the Hangzhou Crime Lab, with a lit cigarette dangling from between his middle and ring fingers, complimented the newest member of his team with a proud grin.

On his messy desk was a name tag, scuffed on the surface and crookedly placed, informing the visitors of his office that his name was Ye Xiu.  

“T-Thank you, Ye-qianbei,” Qiao Yifan, the twenty-year-old Level II Crime Scene Investigator who’d only recently transferred to the Hangzhou Crime Lab four months ago, bowed slightly, always extra courteous to those of senior ranks. “It wasn’t just me though! The colleagues down in the lab had been very helpful and efficient — especially Mo Fan.”

“Did you say Mo Fan?” Ye Xiu raised an eyebrow, his tone remaining in the same languid, nonchalant manner of his but his piercing stare made Qiao Yifan shrank back a little as if he’d said something wrong.

“Y-Yes, sir,” Qiao Yifan nodded, the volume of his voice turning significantly lower than before, but he knew from working with Ye Xiu for the past few months that the man rarely got upset or furious, if at all, even when the investigations weren’t’t going his way, so Qiao Yifan continued gingerly, “he was the one who suggested to me the possibility of how the suspect used chewing gum to administer traces of cyanide into the victim’s body. If it weren’t for him, I would’ve never thought to check for the amount of xylitol presented in the victim’s oral cavity and connecting that with the suspect’s habit of always chewing gum.”

Ye Xiu took a drag from his cigarette before pressing the glowing tip against the ceramic surface of the ashtray and discarding the bud.

“Remember what I said to you when you first transferred from the Beijing Crime Lab?” Ye Xiu didn’t comment on Qiao Yifan’ compliment on Mo Fan’s part during this investigation, which the young CSI didn’t comprehend, but he replied as politely as he could anyway.

“That… I should be courageous?” Qiao Yifan said, recalling Ye Xiu’s simple words on the first day of his job. Qiao Yifan was a lab analyst at the Beijing Crime Lab, and though he did his job well, he was unable to stand out among the other talents in the lab, including his best friend Gao Yingjie, who, upon recommendation of the crime lab’s leader Wang Jiexi, had quickly promoted from his lab analyst role to a Level I CSI.

From the depth of his heart, Qiao Yifan knew working inside the lab alone wouldn’t make him happy; he could still go further, he could still do more – so much more. And that had ultimately became the significant turning point of his decision to move south to pursuit an opportunity that Ye Xiu and his team was able to provide for him.

Ye Xiu nodded.

“Yifan, you have the abilities and you work hard, so don’t be afraid to take credit where credit is due, all right?”

“Yes, sir,” Qiao Yifan smiled timidly, but Ye Xiu’s commendation had always been a shot of confidence that he needed.

Someone was knocking on Ye Xiu’s office door, the agitated rhythm signifying the person’s impatience, but the senior CSI ignored the distraction as per his usual habit when he didn’t feel like having any extra visitors.

Before neither man inside the office could react, however, whoever was outside had decided to enter anyway: the young man, dark forelocks haphazardly falling into his grey eyes, donned a pristine white lab coat, which contrasted starkly with the black hoody and skinny jeans that accentuated his willowy figure. Even without speaking, his body language exuded waves of hostility that most would sense and stay far away from. This could most likely explain why the twenty-two-year-old always kept to himself and would rather work alone in the lab, with earbuds on at all times while inspecting specimens under a microscope.  

“Mo Fan, what can I help you with?” Ye Xiu eyed the stack of papers in Mo Fan’s hand and could immediately deduced the intention of the lab analyst’s visit.

“Ye-qianbei, I’ll head out first,” Qiao Yifan was about to take his leave. It was clear that Mo Fan wanted some privacy to talk to their supervisor about something important.

“Yifan, you can stay. I still need to go over one of the reports you submitted last week. This will be quick,” Ye Xiu then shifted his gaze towards the lab analyst who only spared a brief glance towards Qiao Yifan before he trudged all the way up to Ye Xiu’s desk and slammed the document down.

Ye Xiu merely lifted one of his eyebrows, and said with an unmoved tone, “again? How many times does this make?”

“You know how many times I’ve applied,” Mo Fan replied coldly, hands stuffed inside the pockets of his lab coat.

“Are you trying to apply for a level one Crime Scene Investigator position?” Qiao Yifan’s curiosity was piqued, and even Ye Xiu thought it rare that the usually quiet and reserve CSI openly expressed his interest in his coworker’s career direction though he chose not to comment on it.

“What is it to you?” Mo Fan turned towards the other man with a hint of coldness in the metallic grey of his irises. His tone never rose above the volume of a mumble but the tenor with which he spoke was enough to coat his words in frost.

“N-nothing, I just thought… I just thought it would be nice to have you on the team is all,” Qiao Yifan murmured, shrinking back a little from Mo Fan’s intimidating manner, but he continued with a nervous smile, “I think you have what it takes to be a good CSI and it’d be a waste of your talent to be constrained in the lab.”

“Hmph.”

Ye Xiu looked between Qiao Yifan, the young and promising newcomer who was gradually coming out of his shell, blooming into an excellent investigator, and becoming an integral part of the night shift team, and Mo Fan, the brooding, aloof lab analyst who might be exceptional at his current position but didn’t understand the importance of communication and cooperation within a team.

“Do you know why I didn’t approve your application the previous two times, despite recognizing that you have the knowledge, skillset, and instinct of a CSI?” Ye Xiu leaned back against his chair, his expression slightly frivolous but his dark eyes were stern.

“I didn’t communicate well,” Mo Fan lowered his head. He knew what his weakness was, but to overcome it, to force himself to make his thoughts known to others was something else entirely. He wasn't good at conveying himself in a socially-acceptable manner and this often made people misunderstood his intentions, and while this could be troublesome, Mo Fan also didn't have the energy or the patience to correct other's views of him.

“You didn’t communicate at all,” Ye Xiu corrected with a sigh before pulling Mo Fan’s application documents towards himself. “Not only does that make the investigation process less efficient, it’ll also endanger your teammates’ lives in certain situations.”

Mo Fan flinched visibly when he mentioned that; he still remembered Fang Rui’s bruised face and broken leg was all a result of his own lack of communication with his partner at the time, that Fang Rui essentially got injured because he was covering his back.

Ye Xiu casually flipped through the pages of Mo Fan’s application, and said, lifting his gaze to look straight at Mo Fan again, “Yifan here was just saying that you’ve helped him out in his latest case.”

“I was just doing my job,” Mo Fan said, his brows dipping into a slight frown as if he was half annoyed and half confused as to why Qiao Yifan would even bother bringing him up in the conversation in the first place.

“Fair enough,” Ye Xiu nodded, “here’s what I propose: for the next case, I’ll assign it to the both of you; you two will work as partners while I observe. Yifan is the most accommodating CSI I’ve ever met so if he has anything negative to say about you, you’re out, got it?”

When Mo Fan forced himself to look directly back at his supervisor, Ye Xiu was surprised and amused to find the subtle determination burning in those usually indifferent grey eyes, and he thought perhaps third time could really be the charm.

-

When Qiao Yifan arrived at the crime scene, a stretch of deserted dirt road in the more secluded part of Jilongshan Village that led out into forested hills with very few streetlights in between — perfect for a body dump, really — he saw that Mo Fan, who he’d been trying to contact ever since he was called in to work, was already taking photographs of something on the ground.

The CSI approached his partner, the strap of his forensics kit cutting into his shoulder. When Mo Fan still didn’t acknowledge Qiao Yifan’s presence even after the younger man cleared his throat a few times behind his stooping figure, Qiao Yifan started in a soft voice, “Mo Fan, I’ve been texting you for the last half an hour…”

“I know,” Mo Fan murmured, and his camera clicked a few more times. Then about ten seconds later, he said in the same bland tone, “I was busy.”

Qiao Yifan could clearly see that, but he didn’t reply. Instead, he noticed that the assistant coroner had already arrived on scene and was currently inspecting the body. He gently tapped Mo Fan on the shoulder once, which was enough to cause the other man to freeze, and he said apologetically, “I’m sorry. Um… should we head over to the body? It looks like Dr. An is already here.”

Without turning around or establishing any sort of eye contact with Qiao Yifan, Mo Fan quickly pulled himself to his feet and made his way towards the victim. Qiao Yifan followed, his fingers tightening around the strap of his kit.

“When’s the time of death?”

An Wenyi almost lost his grip of the thermometer that was still stuck in the victim’s liver when he heard Mo Fan’s voice directly behind him.

“Hello to you, too,” An Wenyi greeted him warily, though his gaze never swayed away from the body before him, and he sensed the lab analyst settling to the right side of him.

“Only you tonight, Dr. An?” Qiao Yifan stooped across from the coroner and watched as the man continued to inspect the body.

“Hey, Xiao Qiao,” An Wenyi greeted the CSI in a slightly friendlier tone since Qiao Yifan was known to be a likeable and approachable member in the team, and the assistant coroner always enjoyed working with him. “Guan-qianbei has been called to another crime scene. It’s been a busy night.”

“What have we got so far?” Qiao Yifan asked.

“Rigor’s already long set in,” An Wenyi told them, pulling out the thermometer after taking the reading. “Liver temp puts his TOD at about two to four o’clock in the afternoon.”

Qiao Yifan inspected the corpse in a quick survey: for someone who’d been supposedly ran over by a car, there wasn’t a lot of blood on the concrete or on the body itself, and though there were clear tire marks on the victim’s clothes and half-dried muddy tracks on the road, there was a strange lack of headlights or taillights glass shards which was usually associated with deaths involving vehicle collisions.

It was almost as if…

“He was lying down when the car ran over him,” Mo Fan murmured.

“He was already dead when he was brought out here," Qiao Yifan concluded.

“Can you tell us what the COD is?” Qiao Yifan asked while taking more detailed shots of the body.

"I can tell you that the car did a lot of damage to this guy's body: broken bones, ruptured organs, the works. But like you said, it's very likely that he'd been long dead before the car ran him over so at least he didn't have to suffer," An Wenyi said, his gloved fingers carefully sifting through the blood-matted hair to reveal a much gorier wound on the side of the head. "Serious head trauma is probably what did him in — looks like he was hit by a blunt object — but I'll confirm once Guan-qianbei does a more detailed postmortem."

"Thanks, Dr. An," Qiao Yifan smiled gratefully at the medical examiner and continued to take detailed photos of the victim's wounds. He paused when he got to the fingers — they were rigid and dirty but the blue tint in the fingernails was unmistakable.

"The lips, too," Mo Fan said as if he was reading his partner's mind.

"Cyanosis caused by underlying disease?" Qiao Yifan tried to zoom in using the lens of his camera before taking a few shots.

"Unlikely."

“Then… poison?” Qiao Yifan tried.

The corner of Mo Fan’s mouth twitched slightly.

“Hey boys, looks like we‘ve got an ID,” a woman’s voice chimed in.

"Mucheng-jie," Qiao Yifan lifted his head up to greet the police detective, who looked especially elegant and sharp in a crisp white shirt, leather gun strap curving over her shoulders, charcoal grey dress pants and black ankle boots that emphasized the length and strength of her legs. She had a notepad in one hand and a pen in another.

“Evening, Xiao Qiao,” Detective Su Mucheng sent the CSI a bright, friendly grin before shifting her attention towards the other man, who turned his head abruptly away as soon as he detected the woman’s amused gaze. “And Mo Fan, what a rarity! What finally drag you out of the lab?”

Mo Fan didn’t even reply to the playful teasing before he turned at his heels and stalked away.

“Wait, Mo Fan, w-where are you going?” Qiao Yifan was a patient man, if not slightly soft-spoken, and Mo Fan was precisely the kind of person that made it really hard for Qiao Yifan to reach out to… Not that he wasn’t willing to try, because he was genuine when he said that Mo Fan would make an excellent CSI, but there was a limitation to what he could do at his own end.  

“Tire tracks,” Mo Fan only said, his voice barely audible over the scarf he was wearing over the bottom half of his face.

Qiao Yifan could only assume he meant he’d be inspecting and taking photos of tire tracks of nearby ground to determine the possible models of the car involved.

“Charming as usual,” Su Mucheng commented with a smirk, and tucked her pen inside her pocket before continuing, “I heard what Ye Xiu’s planning for him, but at this rate, the possibility of him passing the review is slim to none.”

“I want to help him,” Qiao Yifan sighed, his gentle gaze following Mo Fan’s figure in the distance, “but I don’t know how when he doesn’t allow anyone to get close to him.”

“You really care about him, huh?”

“W-what do you mean?” Something in the knowing way Su Mucheng smiled at him made Qiao Yifan paused, and his cheeks tainted pink with uncomfortable heat once he realized the detective’s underlying meaning of her question. “M-Mucheng-jie, don’t joke about something like that, please!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Su Mucheng laughed good-naturedly, patting Qiao Yifan’s shoulder like an older sibling would consoling her younger brother after a good tease, “you two just make it so easy for me. Anyway, as I was saying, victim’s name is Liu Gen, 40 years of age. His work ID says he’s an employee of Shanhu Machinery’s purchasing department. No previous criminal records, but his wife, Li Fangjing…”

Su Mucheng chuckled coldly.

“What about his wife?”

“Let’s just say his wife’s quite another story,” Su Mucheng said, shaking her head, “officers have already located her and are in the process of bringing her in to the station for questioning.”

“I’ll be there after the autopsy,” Qiao Yifan said.

“Why don’t you send Mo Fan over instead?” Su Mucheng suggested. “Being a CSI also required you to question suspects based on the evidence you guys found, right? It’d be good practice for him.”

“…sure, I’ll let him know,” Qiao Yifan felt anything but sure at this point, but he knew Su Mucheng was right.

-

Under the pale white lights of the examination room, coroner Guan Rongfei was cutting open his latest corpse, a white-collar worker by the name of Liu Gen. He was weighing the body’s organs when Qiao Yifan came in.

“Dr. Guan, I got your message. You mentioned you have something for me?”

Without a word or being diverted by Qiao Yifan’s arrival, Guan Rongfei merely angled his chin towards the metal cart to his left, where several labelled items were arranged neatly on the surface. The medical examiner wasted no time and began to report his findings to the CSI.

“COD is blunt force trauma to the head, which shattered the left temporal and parietal bones; the bone shards pierced into the brain and he bled out in minutes. No sign of defense wounds, most likely meant that the victim was already unaware of what’s happening around him or was immobilized through other means. There’s some black, sticky substance around the head wound; the sample’s on the table,” Guan Rongfei recited the information, not even cognisant to Qiao Yifan scribbling away in his notebook. “Broken bones and ruptured organs are consistent with being run over by a heavy vehicle while victim was lying flat on his back, but the event took place post-mortem. Also found some epithelial cells under his fingernails. And speaking of fingernails…”

Guan Rongfei finally lifted his head up from the scale after weighting the last organ, and turned to Qiao Yifan with a grin.

“Cyanosis — but no history of any chronic medical issue that could explain its presence,” Guan Rongfei analyzed, “so poison it must be.”

“Any clue as to what sort of poison?”

Guan Rongfei shrugged and returned to his dissection of Liu Gen’s body.

“Waiting on the tox report; I believe your partner’s working on it as we speak. After all, Mo Fan is the best toxicology specialist we have.”

“So, everybody knows…” Qiao Yifan sighed, collecting his samples and putting them into a small cardboard box for easy carrying.

“Ye Xiu believes in transparency within the team, if you can believe in that man’s bullshit,” Guan Rongfei said, his lips tucked into an amused grin.

“Thanks, Dr. Guan,” Qiao Yifan only said, heading towards the door to return to the lab to join Mo Fan.

“Anytime. Now get out of here so I can dissect this man in peace.”

-

Mo Fan’s phone was buzzing incessantly on the table when Qiao Yifan stepped into the lab, but the owner of said phone paid no heed.

“What’s… all this?”

After dropping off the sample of the sticky black substance to Trace, Qiao Yifan returned to his own workspace in the lab, where he was about to run DNA analysis on the epithelial cells Guan Rongfei had found in the victim’s fingernails, but instead he found boxes and boxes of what looked to be everyday household items stacked all over any available desk surfaces.

“Stuff I’ve picked up at Li Fangjing’s residence,” Mo Fan replied from his position at the counter, where he was administering some chemicals into vials of the victim’s blood samples.

“When did you—” Qiao Yifan was about to ask him when he had the time to go over to Li Fangjing’s place, but then he realized Mo Fan must had rushed over right after they were done processing the crime scene without notifying him. Again. “Never mind.”

Qiao Yifan began to set up his work station for DNA testing.

“How’s the tox report coming along?” Qiao Yifan asked instead, his tone slightly more strained than his usual milder manner. He carefully snipped off the tip of the cotton swap with the epithelial cells and placed it into a test tube, adding a few drops of clear solution into the vial before placing the mixture into the Thermal Cycler to amplify the segments of DNA he had on hand.

“Already did the basic screen,” Mo Fan said, his attention never straying from his task, his hands always steady and careful as he handled the specimens and placing them into the ultracentrifuge. “Nothing out of the usual.”

"Hey, Mo Fan," Qiao Yifan had nothing to do but wait for the result of the DNA analysis, so he attempted to initiate another conversation, "that must have been really heavy, to carry all that by yourself. Why didn't you tell me you were going to Li Fangjing's?"

"There was no need. I was fine," Mo Fan replied flatly, his body continued to move fluidly between putting blood samples into vials and putting them into the humming machine that analyzed and distinguished between the different toxins.

"But Ye-qianbei—"

"I know what Ye Xiu said," Mo Fan snapped.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep," Qiao Yifan apologized, instinctively shrinking back.

"That's why I can't stand people like you, Qiao Yifan..." Mo Fan muttered, his knuckles turning white as he tightened his grip around a glass vial with so much pressure the other man was afraid he would break it. "Why are you apologizing when you did nothing wrong? Why are you being so nice to me when..."

Qiao Yifan couldn't hear the remaining of Mo Fan's question, for his voice became softer and softer until it seemed like he was refusing to let any more words out of his mouth.

Mo Fan sighed, a hint of frustration in his exhale, and retrieved the toxicological report that the machine was sprouting out. He quickly scanned through the numbers and lines of text, his eyes narrowing slightly in concentration.

"Found our cause of cyanosis," Mo Fan stated, handing the sheet over to Qiao Yifan without meeting the other man's eye.

"Tetrahydrolozine… Isn’t that a vasoconstrictor? And that much of it too? No wonder Liu Gen didn't have any sort of defence wounds on him; he was already incapacitated when they attack him," Qiao Yifan shook his head, placing the sheet down.

"Eyedrops..." Mo Fan suddenly said, turning his eyes sharply towards the boxes of items that belonged to the victim and his widow.

"What about the eyedrops?" Qiao Yifan asked, curiosity obvioius in his voice.

"There were many emptied Visine bottles in their bathroom — way more than the suggested healthy dosage for two people — and I found more unopened bottles hidden in the storage room."

"So, you're saying the wife poisoned the victim with eyedrops, hit him over the head when the poison hindered his body’s movements, and then run him over with a car to make it look like an accident?" Qiao Yifan tried to understand Mo Fan's logic.

Mo Fan didn't reply him but he looked thoughtfully at the eyedrop bottles that he’d collected from Liu Gen’s apartment.

“Maybe not all of it… but the woman definitely poisoned him,” Mo Fan murmured, and gestured to the stack of files piled up on one side of his desk. “Previous cases involving Li Fangjing’s two late husbands; this woman is trouble.”

Mo Fan’s phone buzzed again for the fifth time since Qiao Yifan came in, and Mo Fan finally decided to pick up, but all he said was several ‘mm’ and ‘okay’ before he hung up again, his expression darkening just a little. He took off his lab coat and headed for the glass door without another word.

Qiao Yifan couldn’t help but ask, “where are you off to now?”

He wasn’t demanding an answer, but there was a hint of desperation laced in that question, as if the CSI wanted nothing more than for Mo Fan to include him or to tell him what was going through his mind. He half expected the quiet lab technician to ignore him again, so when Mo Fan paused by the door, a hand already reaching for the handle, and said that he needed to head down to the police station where Su Mucheng was about to question their prime suspect Li Fangjing, Qiao Yifan could feel himself smiling a little as he bade him goodbye.

-

Down at the police station located only a few blocks away from the crime lab, Su Mucheng and Mo Fan were sitting at the table in one of the many interrogation rooms across from a well-dressed woman in her late twenties.

Li Fangjing seemed at ease despite being notified that her husband had been found dead — possibly murdered — at the side of a deserted road more than half way across the centre of the city where he lived.

“Ms. Li, where were you yesterday afternoon from two to four o’clock?” Su Mucheng asked politely.

“I don’t understand,” Li Fangjing tucked a piece of hair behind the curve of her ear and crossed her arms, her eyebrows raised in annoyance. “I thought I’m here to help with the investigation of my husband’s death, but you cops make it sound like I’m the suspect here.”

“You are,” Mo Fan said without skipping a beat.

“Excuse me?” the woman’s tenor raised an octave higher.

“You are our prime suspect,” Mo Fan said, his expression remaining neutral and cold.

Li Fangjing laughed, the sound shrill and unpleasant, making Mo Fan wrinkled his nose in mild disgust.

“You’re serious?”

“We found extremely high levels of Tetrahydrolozine in Liu Gen’s system — enough to cause blurred vision, breathing problems, and coma,” Mo Fan said.

“Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

“The CSIs found many emptied bottles of eyedrops in the bathroom, as well as cases of unopened ones in storage,” Su Mucheng told the other woman, who still appeared to be nonchalant, so the detective continued with a smile, “and in case you don’t know, Ms. Li, tetrahydrolozine is the active ingredient in eyedrops, and we found your fingerprints all over those used bottles.”

“We both suffer from dry eyes,” Li Fangjing explained, rolling her eyes, her thick fake lashes trembling with the exaggerated movement. “I didn’t realize that was a crime, Detective.”

Both Su Mucheng and Mo Fan knew it was a weak excuse, but they had stronger evidence against her anyway, so they let it pass for now.

“No, dry eyes is not a crime, but let’s not forget Chen Guanghai and Tian Jing, hmm?” Su Mucheng flipped through a case file, and placed two photos down on the table — headshots of the deceased men who used to be closely related to Li Fangjing — and the detective continued, “Ms. Li, you were married to Chen Guanghai in 2015, and then he passed away due to a drowning accident in his own bathtub about half a year later. In 2017, you got married to Tian Jing, but he then also happened to pass away from accidentally slipping and falling head-first to the ground nine months after the marriage. And now, we have Liu Gen, your third husband to die within the span of four years. You are either very cursed, or you are an active participant in each and every one of these deaths.”

“What? Is marrying three men who died prematurely also a crime these days?” Li Fangjing chuckled, “goodness me, you law-enforcers just keep getting more and more hilarious by the second.”

“A person convicted of insurance fraud can be imprisoned for up to ten years,” Mo Fan added helpfully.  

“According to previous investigations, Chen Guanghai and Tian Jing had purchased life insurances and the beneficiary was always you,” Su Mucheng flipped to another page, which displayed copies of insurance contracts signed by the two victims, “so don’t tell me you don’t have the motive to make their deaths look like accidents in order to collect the life insurance payments.”

“If you cops had found enough evidence, you would’ve locked me up a long time ago instead of wasting my time here,” Li Fangjing lifted up one of her manicured hands to inspect her nails, painted bright red though slightly chipped at the tips, which Mo Fan immediately noticed as soon as his eyes settled on her gesture.

Li Fangjing lifted her gaze just in time to see the young lab technician staring at her hands, and a slow, teasing smile began to appear on her glossy lips.

“But if all cops are as adorable as this one here,” Li Fangjing nodded appreciatively at Mo Fan with a flirtatious smile and a knowing look, and said, “I’d love to come down to the station to chit-chat more often.”

Just then, he received a text from Qiao Yifan.

Found DNA match to epithelials under Liu Gen’s fingernails; it’s Li Fangjing’s.  

“I don’t see why I have to stay here being interrogated like a criminal any longer,” Li Fangjing pulled herself up gracefully, her heels clicking against hardwood floor as she turned for the door. “We’re done here.”

“We found skin cells of another contributor beneath Liu Gen’s fingernails,” Mo Fan’s words halted Li Fangjing’s movement, “they belong to you. Did he scratch you as he fought for his life after being poisoned? Did you hit him over the head when he fought back?”

Li Fangjing turned around sharply, a sly grin making her almost serpentine.

“My husband and I always enjoyed rough sex; he was a scratcher when he got… passionate. Would you like me to strip down and show you where he left his marks on me the last time we did it?”

As if she’d caught a whiff of Mo Fan’s discomfort oozing out from his body language and the grimace on his face, Li Fangjing was striding towards Mo Fan with a leering grin.

“You—” Mo Fan took a small step back — an entirely instinctual reaction when he sensed someone wanting to invade his personal space — and he hated himself for it, hated how weak he was presenting himself to be. Despite his best effort, heat pooled around his cheeks as a mixture of repulsion at the woman and frustration at himself simmered and burned like a violent chemical reaction.

“Thank you for offering, Ms. Li,” Su Mucheng smiled, stepping in front of Mo Fan to shield him; her manner remained pleasant but now there was a rigid, cold light to her eyes as well, “but that won’t be necessary.”

“Suit yourself,” Li Fangjing threw another knowing smile towards Mo Fan before she exited the interrogation room.

“Mo Fan…” Su Mucheng began, the ice in her eyes melted and was replaced with genuine concern, yet before she could even get a word out, Mo Fan was already bolting out of the door.

-

Mo Fan’s cell phone had been buzzing in his back pocket for the past hour.

Trace got back to me with the sticky black substance in victim’s head wound. Main components are pine soot, egg white, fish skin, white sandalwood, and pearl dust. I’m guessing: high quality calligraphy ink.

Found a jade paperweight amongst the things you collected at victim’s residence. Got traces of blood and ink on it. Will run blood DNA against both victim’s and suspect’s reference samples.

Also found a few workable prints on the paperweight. Will run them through AFIS to see if we have a hit.

Call me when you’re done down at the station please?

Mo Fan, Mucheng-jie told me what happened with Li Fangjing. Where are you?

He placed his phone screen facing down on the table.

The black coffee sitting untouched before him had turned grossly cold a long while ago, but he only ordered the beverage just so he could have an excuse to sit in the cafeteria, which had become rather quiet once lunch rush had ended. Currently only a few stray employees of the lab who’d worked past their lunch time were seen eating their late meals and chatting unobtrusively amongst themselves.

They knew not to approach Mo Fan from all the rumors they’d heard, and so he was left alone to his own thoughts, though not for long.

“You’re hard to find,” Qiao Yifan slipped into the seat across from Mo Fan, his tone quiet but kind, “I was worried.”

“Why?” Mo Fan grunted, lowering his gaze to concentrate his attention on the minute scratches on the back of his phone. They looked particularly irritating at this very moment, for some reason.

“Well, I mean, you’re my partner,” Qiao Yifan explained, his laughter taut and nervous, “of course I’d be worried. I heard what happened during Li Fangjing’s interrogation.”

“I fucked up. She got to me,” Mo Fan admitted in a low, frustrated growl, fingers gathering into a tight fist on the table, “I shouldn’t have let her, but I did anyway.”

“Interrogation is another set of skills all together,” Qiao Yifan tried to comfort his partner, “you get better at it the more you do it and get used to dealing with different types of people.”

“I bet you were good at it when you first started,” Mo Fan murmured. That was another trait that Mo Fan admired about the younger CSI, though he would never admit this to anyone; he had the kind of easy-going personality and agreeable manner that almost everyone felt connected to right from the start.

“Me?” Qiao Yifan chuckled, but it wasn’t the kind of warm, lighthearted sound that Mo Fan found comforting, and it made his heart clenched tight; it had a hint of self-deprecation in it that Mo Fan wasn’t used to hearing from the usually mild-mannered man. “Oh, no. I was terrible at interrogating suspects when I first started my job — couldn’t maintain eye contact to save my life, and the number of times I’d stuttered from nervousness? Don’t even get me started. My team supervisor from Beijing could attest to that.”

“Huh,” Mo Fan only made a small noise of acknowledgement. He never knew that part of Qiao Yifan; he’d always just assumed the man was a natural, but he supposed that assumptions without evidence were always too dangerous and led to inaccurate interpretations — just as the case with murder investigations and relationships between people.  

“Come on, let’s head back to the lab and see if we’ve got a hit on the print from the paperweight,” Qiao Yifan stood up and waited with a soft, encouraging smile.

-

“Mo Fan, Yifan, care to explain to me what all this is about?”

On Ye Xiu’s desk was a new case file showing photos of a very familiar face — a face that Mo Fan had just seen in the police station the day before — but now looking very much pale and lifeless.

Autopsy photos of Li Fangjing.

“She was found dead in her own home early this morning with a bullet in her chest and traces of clear liquid around her mouth. Day shift had already processed most of the evidence and had recorded their findings, but this is our case and I want us to handle it in the best way possible.”

Ye Xiu glanced over at the lab technician, who stared back at him blatantly with his usual indifferent expression.  

“Mo Fan, there are eyewitnesses who said that they’d seen a man with your physical descriptions talking to Li Fangjing outside her apartment complex last night and that the man seemed especially agitated during the conversation,” Ye Xiu’s tone remained disinterested, merely stating what the reports had told him, but the look in his eyes was critical and sharp. “Did you meet up with Li Fangjing by yourself yesterday after you and Detective Su finished interrogating her at the police station?”

“I did,” Mo Fan didn’t even try to deny it. He knew it was useless; besides, he had no intention to hide it either; he was prepared for the repercussions when he initially decided to do this.

“You are aware that you are never supposed to approach any suspects or eyewitnesses without the presence of a police officer, correct?”

“Ye-qianbei, please, there must be some kind of misunderstanding—” Qiao Yifan’s voice was tinged with panic when he realized what was about to happen.

“Leave it, Qiao Yifan,” Mo Fan murmured, “I don’t need you to defend me.”

To Ye Xiu, Mo Fan said, “yes, I’m aware. I will take responsibility for my own actions.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Ye Xiu sighed in disappointment despite his words, and he continued with a frown on his brows, “Mo Fan, you will be taken off from this case. I’ll assign Wei Chen to take your place, so Yifan, from this point on, you are no longer to report any case-related details to Mo Fan, is that understood?”

“Yes, sir,” the two men replied quietly.

On the way back to their office, neither men said anything to each other until they each settled into their own work desk, where Mo Fan was staring blankly at his computer screen and Qiao Yifan was fiddling with a pen restlessly.

“If you’ve got something to say, just say it,” Mo Fan heaved a small irritated sigh, spinning his chair around to face the CSI.

“You didn’t do it,” Qiao Yifan started, his gaze steady as he looked at the other man with firmly pressed lips, “I know you didn’t.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Mo Fan said, chuckling coldly as he closed his eyes and tilted his head back, “Ye Xiu took me off the case, which means I’ve failed the review.”

Which meant he’d lost another opportunity to be promoted into the CSI position he’d been striving for, Qiao Yifan realized without the man admitting it out loud.

He hated how defeated Mo Fan looked at that moment, the mask of indifference and composure showing cracks and crevices and threatening to break, and Qiao Yifan wished he could do more.

-

“Xiao Qiao, did you receive Li Fangjing’s autopsy report from Dr. Guan?” a man with a gruff, grainy voice stemmed from too many years of smoking asked the moment he entered the lab and threw himself onto the closest chair.

“Wei-qianbei, you’re back,” Qiao Yifan greeted the Level III CSI with a polite smile before turning his attention back to his original task of processing the new DNA samples and replied, “yeah, I have. COD was the gunshot to the heart, but so far, no matching weapon has been retrieved from the crime scene; the bullet has been sent to ballistics for further analysis. The clear liquid around her mouth is tetrahydrolozine, and there’s some traces of it found in her system as well, though not as much as in her husband’s body. Dr. Guan also found bits of flesh in between her teeth, which he believed was left behind by the assailant when she was biting whoever was attacking her. I’m processing the DNA now.”

“Good, good,” Wei Chen nodded appreciatively before heaving a heavy sigh. “Now that our only suspect’s dead, it’s back to square one for us.”

“Well… Maybe not entirely,” Qiao Yifan quickly sifted through pages of documents and located the one he was looking for, and he showed it to Wei Chen.

“You got something from the prints you dusted off from the paperweight?” Wei Chen was impressed with the young CSI’s efficiency, and he glanced down at the contents of the file.

“Yeah, but it’s strange,” Qiao Yifan replied with a slight frown, “I ran the prints through AFIS and it came back to this man here, Sun Xiuying. He was imprisoned for several accounts of identity theft, as well as weapon and drug possession back in 2003; he was released in 2009.”

The mugshot in the file showed a young man in his early twenties who’d experienced a harsh life on the street; his face was ruggedly handsome but it was marred by old scars and new bruises, and his eyes had the kind of haunted light to them that made people’s spines shiver and their instincts to scream for them to keep away.

“There was no trace of Sun Xiuying when the police searched through his last known address though,” Qiao Yifan said, “so I guess that’s a dead end.”

“Actually, you know what else has been bothering me?”

“Hmm?” Qiao Yifan wandered over to where Wei Chen was poring over a stack of documents, which turned out to be bank statements of Li Fangjing and her two late husbands.

“Check this out, this line here,” Wei Chen pointed to the one particular line on Li Fangjing’s bank statement that he’d highlighted in neon green. “This deposit was made one day after Li Fangjing had received payments from the insurance company. That amount was almost three-quarters of the total payment she got. The account number traced back to a guy named Zhao Yanglei. Li Fangjing claimed that he was a close childhood friend of hers who was experiencing financial difficulties at the time, so she sent him money to lend him a hand. But honestly?”

Wei Chen slammed the file close dramatically, the sudden loud sound startling Qiao Yifan, “I call bullshit. I mean, just look at these photos taken from security footage and the eyewitness accounts, and then try to convince me there isn’t anything even slightly romantic going on between those two.”

From the grainy photos captured by elevator security cameras, the man and the woman featured in the footage were clearly more intimate than mere childhood friends: the woman, a younger and more scantily-dressed Li Fangjing, was practically draping herself all over the man, her face buried within the crook of the man’s neck as they laughed about something only the two of them knew.

Li Fangjing and this Zhao Yanglei were at least sexually — if not romantically — involved while Li Fangjing was still married to Chen Guanghai and Tian Jing.

Upon closer inspection, Qiao Yifan thought the man’s face looked vaguely similar in that jaggedly charming way and the fox-like artfulness in his eyes was reminiscent of the man in the mugshot both CSIs had just seen — that of Sun Xiuying.

But before Qiao Yifan had a chance to voice out his observation, a series of beeping from the computer announced that the program had found a match to the DNA sequence that Qiao Yifan had input into the system half an hour ago. Qiao Yifan jogged over to his work station to check the results.

“Any luck with the skin DNA found in between Li Fangjing’s teeth?” Wei Chen asked.

Qiao Yifan’s eyebrows raised higher and higher in incredulity as he read the outcomes from his computer screen.

“Wei-qianbei, you’re going to love this,” he waved the older CSI over.

“Well, well, if it isn’t our long-lost friend Sun Xiuying,” Wei Chen whistled, clearly amused.

“Who’s also under the identity of Zhao Yanglei,” Qiao Yifan added.  

“Now then,” Wei Chen got up from his chair and cracked his knuckles, “shall we go arrest ourselves a murderer?”

-

“Hey, so what’s up between you and that Mo Fan kid anyway?”

“Wei-qianbei! What even… How…” Qiao Yifan babbled nonsensically, which only made the older CSI chortled in glee.

“So, there is something going on between you two young things!”

“I’m here, too, you know,” Mo Fan decided to make himself known in this conversation from the backseat of the Jeep that Wei Chen was currently driving.

“Wei-qianbei, please, can we just… concentrate on the task at hand?” Qiao Yifan begged, and then glancing briefly at Mo Fan through the rear-view mirror, he said in a slightly exasperated tone, “and Mo Fan, what are you even doing here? If Ye-qianbei finds out, you’ll be in so much trouble.”

“Never knew you had it in you, young Mo Fan,” Wei Chen, who was senior to both of his colleagues and so presumably to be the most responsible out of the three, was having the time of his life as he watched everything unfold. “Sticking it to Lao Ye, huh? Good for you, kid, good for you.”

“I can’t let you go into this by yourself, Qiao Yifan, I—” Mo Fan paused, his lips pursed as if he was forcing words back down into his throat.

“Wait, wait, there he is, I see him,” Wei Chen lowered his voice though there was no need to do so, but the other two men instantly perked up, “that’s him walking out from building 7025, right? The man in the hideous blue suit?”

“How long is it going to take backup to arrive?” Qiao Yifan asked, his gaze following the movement of their prime suspect.

“About ten minutes,” Wei Chen replied, and then he looked over at Qiao Yifan, who was already opening the car door and stepping out into the street, “Xiao Qiao, what the fuck are you doing?”

“We can’t let him get away, not like this,” Qiao Yifan muttered. “I’ll just stall him until backup gets here.”

“Qiao Yifan, are you insane?” Mo Fan tried to reach across the seats, but his fingers only caught empty air as the young CSI slammed the door close behind him without a backward glance.

Wei Chen and Mo Fan could only stare, flabbergasted, as Qiao Yifan crossed the street and calmly approached their target. The man seemed startled by Qiao Yifan’s appearance but so far, nothing out of the usual was happening.  

“Mr. Zhao Yanglei?” Qiao Yifan asked.

“Yeah,” the man looked him up and down unabashedly, his dark eyes narrowing in suspicion when he asked, “who the hell are you?”

“Crime Scene Investigator Qiao Yifan,” he introduced himself formally, his signature friendly smile firmly in place. “I’d like to ask you a few questions pertaining to Li Fangjing’s murder. You are, after all, acquainted with the victim, correct?”

“That’s right,” Zhao Yanglei nodded slowly, his previous cautious expression turning into that of a mourning lover. “Anything I can do to help capture whoever killed Fangjing.”

“Great,” Qiao Yifan sounded relieved, “on behalf of my team, I’d like to thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Zhao.”

“Of course. Mr. Qiao, if you don’t mind, I’d rather us do this in the comfort of my own home. Is that all right?”

Qiao Yifan only hesitated for half a second before he assented. The gun strapped to his hip felt heavier than before.

“Wait, where’s he going with the bastard? What is he doing?” Wei Chen was pressing his face against the car window as he watched his younger colleague follow their murder suspect into the apartment building that Zhao Yanglei was just getting out from minutes ago. And then he heard the back door opened and closed, and Mo Fan, dressed in his usual black jeans and hoodie, was seen following the two into the building after he clumsily showed his badge to the doorman.

“Oh, for fuck’s sakes, don’t they know my elderly heart can’t take any of this hot-blooded excitement anymore? Damn.” Wei Chen radioed for backup again.

When Mo Fan got to the front door of Zhao Yanglei’s unit, the door left slightly ajar, he stopped dead. He realized belatedly that he was probably making a big mistake — a mistake that might even cost him his life — but he was already here, and even though he wasn’t armed with a gun or anything that could even act as some sort of weapon, Mo Fan was fuelled by the need to protect the man with the kindest, most dedicated heart and the sweetest, most genuine smile.

Mo Fan pushed the door further apart and stepped in. For a long second, he couldn’t hear anything, but then Qiao Yifan’s voice — muffled by the wall of being in another room — floated down the hall towards him, pulling Mo Fan closer to where Qiao Yifan must be.

“How could you do that to her?” Qiao Yifan sounded raspy, almost like he was struggling to breathe, and Mo Fan hurried his pace. “She was clearly in love with you, so much so that she was willing to commit crimes to please you, but in the end, all you gave her was a bullet to her heart.”

A dull thud of metal against flesh. An uttered groan of pain in response.

“Ha, you think she loved me? Is that it?” Zhao Yanglei’s voice was growing louder and more irritated the closer Mo Fan was getting. “Little boy, you don’t know anything, do you? I don’t need a woman who blabbed her mouth to any attractive man that bitch sets her eyes on; she’s a liability. Look where she got me. But this ends here.”

Another solid blow. Another groan of stifled agony, and then the sound of a body hitting the ground.

And this was what Mo Fan saw when he finally found them: Qiao Yifan lying limply on the floor, face turned sideways and his eyes tightly shut, with bruises blooming on his cheeks and blood trickling from his temple, and Zhao Yanglei towering over him as he aimed his gun at Qiao Yifan, a crazed glint in his eyes while he unlocked the trigger safety.

Somehow, Mo Fan was able to force his legs to move despite the buzzing in his ears and the conflicting thoughts of knocking down Zhao Yanglei first to dislodge the gun from his hands and rushing over to Qiao Yifan to make sure he was all right clashing messily in his mind.

He only remembered a loud boom that exploded by his ears, like thunder or fireworks bursting directly above his head — too much and too close — and then everything turned into a blur.  

-

His head felt heavy like he’d been asleep for a decade, and his bones were aching from staying upright in the same position for too long. As he gradually become more aware of his surroundings, he could sense the humming of the medical equipment, the quiet murmuring of the nurses and patients, and the sharp tang of antiseptic in the air. He was in a hospital.

And then he heard an all too familiar voice, but he wasn’t talking to him.

“Yifan, if backup hadn’t arrived on time, do you know what could have happened?”

“I’m sorry, Ye-qian bei,” Qiao Yifan murmured.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you. I never saw you as the type to rush into a situation so recklessly like this,” Ye Xiu continued, but then he glanced over at the still asleep Mo Fan before shifting his gaze back to his subordinate, his expression one of sudden comprehension.

“I’m sorry,” Qiao Yifan said again.

Ye Xiu sighed.

“You do realize that you’ll be expected to write an introspection report once you’re released from the hospital.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I should demote you,” Ye Xiu muttered, mostly to himself, “the higher-ups would want me to do that, but fuck them. You played a significant role in solving the two cases and apprehending the killer. And Mo Fan, when are you going to open your eyes? It’s incredibly rude to eavesdrop on other people’s conversation.”

“Tsk,” Mo Fan blinked his eyes open, the white florescent lights overhead momentarily blinding him until he made out the shape of Ye Xiu standing by the bed and Qiao Yifan leaning against two pillows on said bed. The bruises hadn’t had time to fade away yet, but he had bandages wrapped around his head, which made his short hair curled in adorable messy swirls that Mo Fan had a sudden urge to touch.

He nipped the buds of those strange thoughts as soon as they rose up in his mind.

“And I suppose congratulations are in order, Mo Fan. Once you pass your gun licensing exam, you’ll be officially promoted to being a Level I CSI.”

Mo Fan blinked again.

“Wait… what?”

“You heard me,” Ye Xiu said, grinning.

“But… you kicked me out of the investigation,” Mo Fan was still muddled.

“Young people these days sure are forgetful,” Ye Xiu shook his head in mock disappointment. “I said you would not be considered only if Yifan has anything negative to say about you. Well, Yifan hasn’t said anything to me, and you two caught the murderer. That’s all that matters in the end, isn’t it? So, there you have it.”

Ye Xiu was about to head out through the door when he turned back to Mo Fan and said, “you also owe me an introspection report, so get on that as soon as you get back to the lab. I’ll be leaving for today.”

Mo Fan sank further back into the chair, and Qiao Yifan chuckled at the dumbfounded expression on the usually aloof man’s face.  

“Congratulations, Mo Fan,” Qiao Yifan said, a warm smile lighting up his face and even through the cuts and bruises, Mo Fan thought the other man looked beautiful.

There went another strange thought.

“Thanks,” Mo Fan murmured, cheeks heating up slightly. “I owe it to you, I guess.”

“I should be the one to thank you,” Qiao Yifan said, scratching the back of his neck self-consciously, “I don’t know what I was thinking, going along with the suspect like that. If you hadn’t been there…”

“Yeah, you definitely weren’t thinking then,” Mo Fan said, his lip curling up into a smirk. “Just don’t do it again. You might not be that lucky next time.”

“I’d trust you to always have my back though,” Qiao Yifan admitted, and then perhaps realizing he was revealing too much, he turned his head away in silence.

“Thanks, Qiao Yifan, for trusting me,” Mo Fan said, his voice losing that cold apathy that usually drenched like ice water in his words, and Qiao Yifan turned towards him to see the other man smiling — truly smiling for the first time since they met, a timid, little curve like the gentle arc of the crescent moon.

“I will never let you down.”

[yutasbirthchin]

Hero - Epilogue

Group: Seventeen Member: Vernon Word Count: 2889 Genre: angst/fluff/tear jerking/idk

Prologue/Chapter1/Chapter2/Chapter3/Chapter4/Chapter5/Chapter6

a/n: Sorry it’s been like a month since the last update, I’ve had the worst case of writers block when it came to finishing this, I literally have like 4 other one shots brainstormed and half written that I wrote in the mean time because I really just couldn’t get this chapter right. But here it is finally! The last instalment! Thank y’all for sticking around and reading this whole story. Feel free to drop me an ask and share your opinions  :) 

“Here, Oppa, here! Isn’t it so pretty? It looks like it will serve the best coffee ever!”

Vernon’s eyes scanned the coffee shop. “It’s definitely…err…unique.”

“It’s unique, it stands out, that’s what all businesses should do, stand out from the crowd.”

“Can’t we just go to Starbucks?” He asked, really not trusting the pastel pink shop with ‘Sweet Treats’ printed along the top, it’s shop front decorated with hearts, polka dots and every other ‘cute’ thing under the sun.

“Is it so cute that it’s going to impede on your masculinity?” She fired back. “There’s nothing wrong with cute things.”

“I don’t have a problem with cute things, you’re cute and I tolerate you. But that shop… just for a coffee? I don’t know.”

She smiled. “Oh come on, I let you drag me into boring shops you want to go in. Besides, it’s our first time in America in ages, live a little.”

Before he could respond his she bounded into the shop. He looked longingly at the Starbucks across the road before following her in.

“Hello!” A very cheery man came rushing forward from behind the counter. “I’m Cole, thank you for visiting my lovely little abode, please have a seat.”

“I loooove your shop!” His companion squealed as he took a seat opposite her. “Who designed it?”

“That would be me, my father handed the shop down to me. He certainly was not pleased by my colour scheme or my decorating, he thinks it will drive customers away but I disagree. I mean, if it attracted a gorgeous girl such as yourself, it must be doing well!” He answered back with a wink. Vernon’s blood boiled as he stared at the shop manager, he was too flirtatious for his liking.

The two placed their orders and the man skipped behind the counter, presumably to start making their coffee.

“So where are you guys from?” Cole asked as he placed their drinks and food down.

��We’re from a little town in Korea.” The cute little girl answered. Cole glanced at the guy who didn’t seem to be in the brightest of moods.

“You’re a long way from home then, what brings you here?”

“We have family in America so we came to visit them, glad I did, there aren’t any gems like this where we live, right bro?” Vernon only nodded in response.

Cole laughed in response. “Thank you.” There was something oddly familiar about him, but the ringing of the bell signalling new customers dragged his thoughts away. “Give us a shout if you need anything.” He said with a wink before twisting on his heel.

Vernon couldn’t deny the coffee was good, and the pastries were the best he’d had in a long time. Sophia could tell this just by looking at him, she knew her brother well. “Still wanna go to Starbucks?” She teased.

“Oh shush.”

“This is why you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.”

“That saying is overused.”

She smiled as she put the phone down. She’d never mentioned to Vernon where exactly in America she had ended up, not because she didn’t want him to know but because she didn’t see the point, he wasn’t in America… Except now he was. She of course wanted to tell him, she wanted to be able to see him again, to hold him, but she was also scared. What if somehow he’d changed? What if she’d changed so much he didn’t like her anymore? There were so many possibilities. Now he was actually in America she felt bad. She knew he had come to visit relatives, not her, but the fact that he didn’t know where she was made her worry. America isn’t a small country, what if they happened to be on complete opposite sides and wouldn’t be able to even meet once? It would be too disappointing for her to handle.

She looked back at her half-finished essay and scowled. Back to work I guess.

The small cafe had suddenly become fairly busy around 1pm, with only a few empty tables and a queue forming at the counter. When it got this busy, Cole didn’t bother seating customers and taking their orders from the tables, he let them come up to the counter as it was more efficient that way. It did, however, mean that there had to be at least two people serving the counter, and so Youngjin sighed making her way out front. She didn’t mind the job, she actually enjoyed herself. Sure, since Cole had taken over the décor had changed to one she had a love hate relationship with, but the job was just the same and she earned a decent wage to get by whilst in college. What she didn’t like, though, were the times in which she had so much school work to do that she had to bring her laptop into work and write essays when she wasn’t busy. It was too stressful.

When the end of her shift finally came she sat behind her laptop, typing furiously.

“Babe, you know you can’t claim overtime just because you’re still here, right?” Cole joked.

“I know, I just have to finish this paragraph and then I’ll be off.”

“You got any plans tonight? Anything fun?” He asked.

“Yes I have a lovely little date planned with my laptop.” She replied and Cole chuckled.

“I could never be a student, don’t know how on earth you survive. I mean, you rarely ever go out and party and never leave anything last minute yet somehow you’re still always bogged down with work. You need to live a little, we’ve got to get you a boyfriend.”

“I’m always busier because I was dumb enough to take extra classes.” She answered and Cole shook his head.

“You’re really hung up on that guy, aren’t you?”

For the first time since the conversation started, Youngjin looked up from her laptop. “What do you mean?”

“You completely glossed over the last sentence I said, so either you zoned out or ignored it, and judging by your desktop image, I’d guess the latter.” Youngjin acknowledged what he said, but chose not to reply. “Who is he? Your ex? From Korea?” It was a simple answer but for some reason she felt oddly defensive, as though Cole was slowly cracking her open so he could judge her.

The last few years had been tough for her, it’s not easy to forget a past you so desperately want to forget when there’s an aspect of it that you keep so dear to your heart. Vernon. She loved him, she knew she did. And she hadn’t let him go, they still messaged each other almost everyday, but she found it hard to talk about him to other people because it dug up elements of her past that she didn’t want to dig up. People were nosey and wouldn’t be satisfied with a ‘he’s my best friend that I’ve known since we were children’, and she was terrified that she would accidentally let something slip.

After she still hadn’t replied Cole sighed, realising that he had probably overstepped a boundary. “Forget it, babe. I’m sorry.” He didn’t wait for a reply before heading out.

Youngjin sighed and forced the thoughts away, she needed to finish this paragraph before she lost her flow. She was intent on finishing her essay that night. Especially as she had to cover her coworkers shift the next day.

“Hello, hello, annyeonghaseyo.” Cole greeted Vernon and Sophia as they walked in the next morning.

“Good morning!” Sophia beamed. “How did you learn to pronounce that so well?” She asked, pleased that he had remembered they were Korean. Vernon couldn’t really fault him on his customer service.

“Ah, we have a Korean girl who works here and I bugged her until she taught me something. She only taught me hello though, so I can’t converse any further.” He replied.

“How can she only teach you one thing!?”

“She’s not the most talkative, keeps to herself a lot, to be honest I’m surprised she even taught me that.” Cole replied with a laugh. “She’s also almost always doing college work. But anyways, what would you two like this morning?”

When Cole came back with their orders he watched Vernon carefully, he really couldn’t work out what about him was familiar. Vernon, sensing the eyes on him, looked up and narrowed his eyes at the barista. “Why are you staring at me?”

Cole, obviously not realising he had been staring, felt embarrassed. “Oh! No, I uhh.. You just look familiar, really familiar and I don’t know why.” Vernon was confused, he definitely had not seen Cole before this trip and couldn’t think where he could possibly know him from.

“Leonardo DiCaprio! He looks like Leonardo DiCaprio!” Sophia burst out, causing her brother to hide his face in embarrassment.

“Sophia, please.” He whined but the other two just laughed.

“You really do look familiar though, are you sure you haven’t been around here before?”

Vernon shook his head. “No, I really haven-” he was cut off by the sound of the door opening and Cole exclaiming.

“Holy shit.”

“What?” The three other people in the cafe questioned.

Youngjin stared at Cole confused, waiting for an explanation but he stayed silent, not knowing what to say. He’d worked out why the boy looked so familiar, but didn’t know whether or not this would go well, considering Youngjin never wanted to talk about him.

Vernon, who was the only person who couldn’t see the girl who’d just entered, turned in his seat to see if he could work out what was going on. His eyes widened as they locked with those of his old friends.

“Youn- ah shit.” He said as he proceeded to drop his coffee, pouring it all over himself. This seemed to shatter the illusion and everyone jumped to help him clean himself up.

Cole watched the two as Youngjin mopped up the floor and Vernon attempted to clean himself up with the help of his sister. There was no denying that this was the guy pictured as Youngjin’s desktop image, but their interactions weren’t giving anything away. He sighed, deciding to dig; he might get an actual answer seeing as Vernon was there. “So, do I finally get to know what the story is with you two?” He prompted.

Vernon looked up at Cole, clearly confused. “How did you know we know each other?”

“Probably your dramatic scene.” Youngjin teased, gesturing to the area of the floor she had just finished mopping.

“Hey, it was an accident! Who said it had anything to do with you?”

“Wait, you two know each other? How?” Sophia asked.

“Well, if they don’t know each other, Youngjin definitely has some explaining to do. It’s not common to have random strangers as your desktop image.” Cole said and Youngjin’s cheeks immediately flushed.

Vernon looked at her, amused. “I’m your desktop image?”

“Cole! Why woul-”

“Did you miss me that much, Youngjin? So cute!” Vernon teased.

“I swear I could kil-” Youngjin started but stopped herself. “I’m not the one who tried searching for you for ten years because I missed you!” She shot back, and this time Vernon’s cheeks flushed.

“Ten years? Wait! Is this the same noona you had a crush on from elementary school?” Sophia asked, clearly not worried about embarrassing her older brother. Youngjin didn’t say anything, but looked at Vernon with an eyebrow raised.

As embarrassed as he was right now, Vernon wouldn’t change a thing… Well, maybe he would change the coffee stain down his shirt, but other than that he wouldn’t change a thing. He’d noticed a slight change in his best friend over the last two years, but this was the first time seeing the new confident, sassy Youngjin in person and he loved it. He turned to Cole. “We’ve been best friends for nearly thirteen years.”

“Friends, huh?” Cole questioned with an eyebrow raised. “How friendly are we talking?”

Youngjin chuckled and rolled her eyes. “Why ask if the answer is blatantly obvious?” She was about to continue when Sophia spoke instead, sending a cold chill down her spine.

“I thought her name was Younghee or something?”

Vernon watched the panic set in on his Noona’s face. “Younghee, Youngjin.” He said, surprising himself with how quickly and naturally the lie came. “I got the names confused.”

“Wow, you guys made it sound like you had some really cute hidden love story but it turns out he couldn’t even remember your name.” Cole laughed.

“In my defence I hadn’t seen her in ten years, and I was only seven when I last saw her.” Vernon replied.

“I’m sorry about Sophia.” Vernon said breaking their silence.

Youngjin rested her head on Vernon’s shoulder and looked out across the lake. “Thank you, you saved me back there.”

He reached for her hand, gripping it in his. “You shouldn’t worry yourself so much.”

“But that’s literally my biggest fear. If someone asks about me and I give too much away, or they get suspicions, or I can’t answer a question because I don’t want to give anything away, or-”

Vernon pulled back from her slightly, forcing her to sit up and look at him. “I think you’re doing more damage to yourself worrying about it than you would actually do if you just let it go and spoke freely. You don’t even really have to lie. Why can you speak so many languages? Because you had a lot of free time when you were younger and you got bored. Why did you have so much free time? Because your dad was really protective over you and didn’t trust the world… And because you dropped out of school after you dad died. How are you so good at martial arts? Your dad taught you. Why did you move to America? Because you wanted a fresh start and to get away from the bad memories you had in Korea. It’s really not as hard as you think it is.”

“But what if they ask me about Younghee or Ong?”

“There’s no reason for them to ask about that. Also, you’re in America, no one here would even know about that story. There’s nothing linking you to them.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You’re the link, what if they ask about you?”

“I’m your childhood friend, we’ve known each other for ages, et cetera et cetera.”

“Am I really just overthinking everything?”

“Yeah.” He replied, bringing his free hand up to her cheek and cupping it. “I get it, you just want to live your life and you’re worried about your past, but there’s literally no reason for anyone to probe so far that they find anything out. Stop letting your past rule your life.”

Youngjin stayed silent for a minute, staring off into space, but then she laughed to herself before meeting his eyes again. “I’m your Noona but why does it always feel like you’re the older one?”

“Jinnie I literally spilt my coffee all over me when I saw you.” He said with a laugh. “I can talk you out of your worries but I’m definitely no more mature or composed as you.”

She blushed at the nickname, hearing it for the first time in person. And then she surprised herself. “I love you, Vernon.”

Now it was his turn to blush, as she had well and truly caught him off guard. He couldn’t have controlled the smile that appeared on his face if he tried.

Vernon leant forward and pressed his lips against hers in a sweet gentle kiss. They both jumped at the loud bang and turned to look across the lake at the firework that had just interrupted them.

“And here I was thinking the whole firework thing was just an expression.” Youngjin joked. “Why are they even letting of fireworks? It’s not the 4th of July.”

Vernon watched the way the light from the fireworks shone against Youngjin’s face and smiled to himself. “I love you too.” He said, drawing her attention back to him before he kissed her again.

“Hey, Vernon?” Youngjin started as they pulled away.

“Yeah?”

“I really wish you didn’t have to go back to Korea.” She said, a slight frown playing on her features. Vernon smiled, wrapping an arm around her shoulder as he turned to face the lake once again. Youngjin narrowed her eyes at him. “What?”

“You really love me that much, huh?” He teased.

“Oh come on, don’t tease me! I’m actually sad thinking about you leaving.”

“It’s only fair isn’t it? You left me twice.”

“I take it back, I don’t love you, I hate you.”

Vernon let out a loud laugh. “You can’t lie to me, Jinnie.” He laughed louder when he looked at the expression on her face. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.”

“Then how much longer are you here for, Vernon?”

“Well, Sophia and my parents are flying back next Sunday.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “You aren’t going with them?”

He shook his head in response. “This was a goodbye trip.”

“What do you mean?”

“You dummy.” He laughed as he pressed a light kiss to her forehead. “I only brought a one way ticket.”

[jazzmckay]

@teenwolfexchange gift for @liveandletrain who asked for something braeden-centric

words: ~2600 tags/warnings: mild violence (aftermath of her injury in 3a), brief braeden/derek

“Don’t ever let anyone tell you to do something you think is wrong,” mama tells her. “Call your own shots.”

Braeden is young at the time, young enough that the message behind the words doesn’t entirely sink in. Instead, she remembers the intensity in her mama’s face, an expression that’s reserved for important things. She remembers a creased brow and an unwavering gaze, and the memory stays with her until she can properly understand it.

Eventually, she puts the pieces together. She connects mama’s words with the timely move she and her parents made to a new town only a week later, with how she never saw her mama’s side of the family again, after that.

‘Call your own shots,’ she thinks to herself, years later, ‘no matter the cost.’

*

“How did you meet?” Braeden asks her parents one night over dinner. From what little she knows about the kind of upbringing they both had, she can’t imagine how they ended up married.

“Not how you’re expecting,” mom says. “It had nothing to do with werewolves.”

Her mom isn’t wrong - she had anticipated a story about them being on opposite sides of a fight, one of them hunting a pack and the other advising it, until they’d somehow gotten a chance to meet each other properly.

“Really?” she asks.

“Really,” mom says, grinning. “We never even crossed paths as a hunter and an emissary, we were both surprised when we found out about each other.”

Mama chuckles. “I thought your mom would break up with me on the spot if I tried to convince her werewolves really existed, not realising I had nothing to worry about.”

“You were acting so strange,” mom says, looking gleeful at the memory. “Then when you started telling me, and I just said, ‘oh, I know about werewolves’... your face. I’ll never forget.”

Mama turns to look at Braeden with an exasperated expression. “And she’ll never let me forget it, either.”

Braeden laughs. “What happened?”

“By that point we already knew each other fairly well,” mama says. “We trusted each other, and had no problem talking it out.”

“Packs with an emissary are rarely a problem for hunters,” mom continues. “The pack I advised was longstanding and stable. I had a good relationship with them and any hunter who followed a code wouldn’t have bothered them.”

She glances over at mama and Braeden watches the two of them share a look. Mama reaches a hand across the table and mom takes it, threading their fingers together.

“So, how did you meet, then? You still haven’t said,” Braeden asks.

“Oh, I accidentally knocked over a paper towel display at the grocery store,” mom says. “Your mama made sure I was okay and helped me put everything back.”

“What? That’s it?” Braeden asks incredulously.

“Not every story gets to have werewolves in it, no matter how much you wish they did,” mom teases.

*

For Braeden’s sixteenth birthday, her mama takes her to a shooting range and teaches her how to handle a pistol.

When the gun is in her hands, she’s holding her body steady, and she has her eyes trained on the target, an energy courses through her. The first few shots rock through her like a shockwave and the bullets hit off center, but she gets into the swing of it quickly.

Mama whistles in appreciation when they bring the target forward and see how close she got to bullseye.

“You’re a natural, hon,” mama says as she helps Braeden load a second clip, and Braeden beams.

*

Braeden sits in the passenger seat while her partner drives them through the city on their patrol route. He taps his fingers on the steering wheel to a beat that’s only in his head, eyes focused on the road.

It has been a slow day. A slow week, really. This city isn’t exactly a crime hotspot, and for awhile now she’s felt like she could do more good elsewhere. She’s thought about it a lot, and has even started preparing for it, which is as good as making the decision already, she figures.

“Hey, McKenzie.”

McKenzie makes a noise of acknowledgement but doesn’t look away from the road.

“I’m going to apply for the U.S. Marshals.”

That gets her partner’s attention. He looks over at her, like he’s gauging whether or not she’s serious, before turning back to the road. “Yeah?” he prompts.

“Yeah,” Braeden says, nodding. “Thought I’d give you a heads up. I’m going to talk to the Captain when we get back.”

“Wow,” McKenzie says lightly, suspiciously casual.

Braeden has spent enough time weaseling confessions out of suspects to know when someone is holding something back. It’s obvious McKenzie is stunned and skeptical, but just doesn’t want to say so outright. McKenzie’s not a bad guy, they’ve worked together just fine for awhile now, but Braeden sure wouldn’t call them friends. He doesn’t know her, doesn’t know what she knows about the world, doesn’t know what she’s been taught on the side.

“Don’t think I can make it, huh?” she says, because for some reason she has trouble letting sleeping dogs lie. McKenzie’s opinion doesn’t matter and she’ll show him wrong eventually, but she pokes anyway.

McKenzie sighs. “Only a small percentage of people get accepted to the program.”

“Not a problem,” Braeden says.

“Okay. Just, don’t get your hopes up too much, you know? If you make it, that would be great, but keep the odds in mind, just in case.”

Braeden knows her odds better than McKenzie does. “Thanks for the counsel,” she says sarcastically.

“Look, it’s badass that you’re even going to give it a try. It’s good to stay realistic, though.”

Gritting her teeth, Braeden manages to stop herself before she snaps at him, not for his sake but for her own. They still have an hour of patrol left and she isn’t going to spend it with McKenzie doubting her strengths and trying to talk her down from a decision she’s made for herself after considerable thought.

“Well, we’ll find out just how realistic my expectations are,” she says with a tone of finality.

McKenzie gets the message and doesn’t bring it up again.

A month later she’s shaking her Captain’s hand as she’s saying goodbye, preparing to make the move to a new office and take on the title of U.S. Marshal.

On her way out, she passes McKenzie’s desk. “Good luck with your new partner,” she says, and then keeps walking.

*

Being a U.S. Marshal is fulfilling and satisfying, until it isn’t. Braeden enjoys staying busy and solving mysteries and catching bad guys, and for a year, it’s just that simple. All the people she investigates are human, her coworkers are human, and her department’s protocols are written with humans in mind. She almost forgets about the supernatural world, until she’s given the assignment to bring down a particularly elusive assassin.

‘The Desert Wolf’ as a moniker is a bit on the nose, for a werecreature, but after tracking the assassin for months and gathering enough information to notice patterns and connect pieces that other people wouldn’t notice, Braeden is certain of her theory.

The Desert Wolf is smart, fast, rarely spotted, and has even shrugged off being shot two times. Braeden almost never has to put a bullet into someone to catch them, but with the Desert Wolf, she’s had resort to it twice without result.

And, once they have enough on her to figure out her identity, Braeden finds out that the Desert Wolf used to live in Beacon Hills.

She knows, as soon as she’s convinced herself that the Desert Wolf is a werecreature, that she’s never going to catch her if she has to stick to the rules of her station. If she has to go through official channels, if she has to set up task forces full of people who can’t be fully briefed, if she has to do things the safe and sure way, the Desert Wolf is going to continue killing people, unimpeded.

Braeden likes her job, and she worked for it.

But the Desert Wolf is dangerous and Braeden is growing tired of the hunt. She’s tired of filing reports stating that she let the assassin get away, that despite her otherwise impressive ledger, she just can’t seem to get the better of the Desert Wolf.

‘No matter the cost,’ she reminds herself.

*

‘Don’t you dare die.’

She’s on the floor of the locker room, slumped back against the cold, tiled wall. Blood oozes down her throat from three long claw slashes that run deep, deeper than any wound she’s received before. She’s been injured a lot over the years, come face to face with a lot of dangerous people, but she’s never felt quite so close to death’s door.

The clacking sound of Deucalion’s cane and Kali’s sharp toenails slowly fades as the alpha pack disappears as quickly as they’d appeared. Braeden’s heart pounds on rhythm with their departure.

It’s hard to breathe. It’s hard to think. Her body is somehow both on fire and stone cold. She thinks she might be going into shock.

Instinct leads her to pat a hand down on her pocket in search of a phone to call for help, but there’s no phone there. It had been taken off her at the hospital, and she hadn’t gotten a chance to gather her personal effects before sneaking out. It hadn’t been the priority at the time.

She supposes it’s ironic that only an hour after escaping the hospital, she’s wishing she could get back in. If she doesn’t get medical treatment, she’s going to die.

Braeden doesn’t want to die, especially not at the age of twenty-six on the floor of a high school locker room. ‘Stay conscious,’ she tells herself. ‘Deucalion doesn’t get to tell you when it’s time to check out.’

Years ago, her mom had tried to teach her some basic things like how to use mountain ash, how to cure aconite poisoning, and how to make natural remedies infused with healing power. She hadn’t taken to it the way she’d taken to her mama’s hunting lessons, but she certainly remembers it well enough that she can recall it even while on the verge of passing out.

Moving her hand over to her opposite forearm, she draws her finger across her skin in the shape of a rune, and thinks of her mom, teaching her symbols for health, safety, strength. She doesn’t have the same raw power or years of intense training, but just thinking of her mom bolsters her. Braeden hasn’t seen her, hasn’t seen either of them, since she traded in being a Marshal for being a gun for hire.

“Not going to die here,” Braeden rasps out loud. She can’t leave things the way they are.

The alphas will be long gone, thinking she’s no longer a threat to be dealt with. All she needs to do is get up on her feet and make it far enough for someone to help her.

Ignoring the pain that flares through her entire body, Braeden plants her shaking palms against the wall at her back and pushes.

*

The motel room is sweltering. The AC is busted, summer seems unwilling to break into fall, and Derek is like a space heater in the bed next to her.

Braeden slips out of the bed and walks over to the window, pressing her forehead down onto the glass in hopes that it’s at least a little bit cool compared to the rest of the room. For a minute, as she leans there and looks out at the night sky, the window does provide some relief until it warms up from her body heat.

She hears the shifting of bedsheets behind her, the creaking of the thin mattress as Derek moves.

“Can’t sleep?” he asks quietly.

“Too hot,” she answers, with her head still pressed against the glass pane.

The bed creaks again as Derek stands up and comes up behind her. He gathers her long hair in his hands, sweeping the strands away from her neck, which both makes her feel slightly cooler and sends a pleasant tingle over her scalp.

“Want to leave?” Derek asks. “If neither of us are sleeping anyway, we don’t have to wait until morning.”

The thought of rolling down the car window and feeling wind on her face as they speed out of town on empty, dark streets is compelling. The problem is where they should be headed.

They’re only in this small, humid town because it’s the site of the Desert Wolf’s latest crime scene, and the more Braeden thinks about it, the more she thinks she knows where the Desert Wolf will be next. They’re not too far from Beacon Hills, again, closer than they’ve been since leaving a few months prior, and the full moon is quickly approaching.

“Derek,” she says. “I know you don’t want to go back to Beacon Hills. I get it, I really do.”

“But you have to go back,” Derek finishes. “I know.”

“Just to see this through.”

She knows her hunt for the Desert Wolf has become more than just a job, it has become personal. Putting away her badge so she could pursue the people that the U.S. government just isn’t equipped to pursue was the right choice and she doesn’t regret it, and she knows her pursuit could be considered obsessive, but she doesn’t regret that either. She’s going to win, and then she’s going to move on and there will be one less harmful person in the world. The Desert Wolf is a threat to the Tates, a threat to the pack Derek might be able to call his own, someday.

“I get it,” Derek says, repeating her own words back to her.

Braeden exhales a long breath, and makes up her mind.

*

Years have passed since she last stood in front of this door, since she last spoke to the people living in the house behind it. The longer she stayed away, the more impossible it felt to go back, and the wider she let the breach become.

Braeden rings the doorbell and then awkwardly takes a step back on the porch, turning to look at the neighbour’s yard as she waits, feeling like an intruder.

After a few seconds, she hears footsteps and then the door clicks open.

“Braeden,” her mom breathes in surprise. She’s out on the porch in an instant, wrapping her arms around Braeden tightly. Her fingertips dig into Braeden’s back as she holds her close.

The plan had been to not get emotional but that goes out the window as soon as Braeden relaxes into her mom’s hug. She missed her parents, plain and simple.

Her mama appears in the doorway a moment later, and Braeden sees her expression switch from curiosity to pure happiness so fast, as soon as she sees that it’s Braeden at the door. Braeden’s heart clenches.

They both look older than when Braeden last saw them, but still healthy and happy.

“I’m sorry it’s been so long,” Braeden says quietly into her mom’s shoulder.

“Shh, it’s okay,” mama says softly as she joins into the hug, one arm around her wife and the other around her daughter.

Years ago, Braeden had worried that they’d be disappointed in her for the sharp turn she’d taken on her career path and she’d cut ties rather than face their reaction. There aren’t many things Braeden would choose to do over in life, but that is one of them. It had been their lessons that motivated her, and she should have known better.

“Come inside, hon,” mama says.

Braeden does. She’s going to tell them about the choices she’s made, the choices that she thought were right even if most people would have disagreed, and she’s going to tell them where those choices have led her - to Beacon Hills, and the McCall pack.

She knows, now, that they’ll be proud of her.

[drunkenonmysofa]

THE LAST CONVERSATION (A MICHAEL CLIFFORD IMAGINE)

+mobile masterlist

there’s a part one here but you dont have to read it to understand this.

summary: in which you run into the boys and have a heartbreaking conversation with your old best friend, michael.

requested?: hell yeaaaa

word count: 4,564 (my longest so far!! i got carried away lol)

warnings: this is angsty as hell get ready

To fall in love was an easy thing to do. It was gradual, a friendship slowly building up with passion and fire. Although it was easy get in, it was another thing to get out of love.

You were sure that you’ll get over him when you went to his wedding. Because then you’d get closure and go on with your life. You’d move on and love another person. Yet that doesn’t seem to be the case here.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Nick asked, his eyebrows furrowing at your distant stare into what seemed like nothing. His words shook you out of your thoughts, so you send him a half-hearted smile and a reassuring nod.

“I’m okay. Just thinking.” You told your boyfriend, clutching his hand briefly so that he’d be more than content with your answer. Although he didn’t fully believe you, he forced himself to trust your answer. He knew you were keeping something from him, and if you kept your secret for so long, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know. He couldn’t lose you; he’s loved you for 8 months and he couldn’t necessarily just throw it all away.

You’ve been quiet for the past few days, contradicting the first seven months that you were so comfortable and loud whenever he’s around. Nick thought it was going okay—he thought you were doing great—but now it just seemed like an illusion. Your boyfriend’s so sure that the reason for your reserved self—and it’s that damned baby shower invitation that came into the mail a week ago.

“I’m going for a snack run, do you want anything?” You asked Nick, a soft but forced smile on your face as you put your sweater on. He asked for his favourite chips and kissed you goodbye as you exited your shared apartment.

You had to admit to yourself that you did truly like Nick. He had this comfort around him that you found rare these days, and he was one of the very few people who actually helped you move on from someone you used to love.

At least, you thought you were over him.

Almost a year ago, you attended the wedding of your old best friend. Though you initially thought it would help you move on and get closure, it only brought more pain. You still remembered how it felt to see him speak his vows to his bride, it was as if a dull knife was digging into your skin.

Michael Gordon Clifford. That name was still engraved into your being. You couldn’t carve it out—it seemed as if it was permanently etched onto your brain, your heart, your skin. He was everywhere.

Of course, Nick made his way into your heart. For the time being, at least. You kept promising yourself to break up with him, because it didn’t seem fair at all. But he was distracting you from Michael, and the alleviation was something you deemed you needed. Still, it was selfish, but your boyfriend didn’t seem to mind. If he did, he would’ve left long ago.

This type of behaviour was new. You were never like this, at least when you got into a relationship with Nick. It was like something had triggered your memories with Michael. And to be frank, something really did.

When the baby shower invitation first came into the mail, you didn’t mind it. Because it looked like an invitation from Nick’s coworker or friend, but when your boyfriend brought it up at dinner, you had to stop yourself from choking on the pasta. A name you haven’t heard for so long has left Nick’s lips, and made you a mess internally.

It wasn’t like you forgot Michael for the past 8 months, you just barely acknowledged him. After all, you can’t really forget someone who’s technically been in your whole life up until three years ago. He remained to show up in your Instagram feed from time to time, but you quickly scroll past the posts. You still couldn’t bring yourself to cut your all ties off, you felt as if you weren’t ready.

And, of course, there was the occasional text messages from Lauren, Michael’s wife, greeting you every few months. You concluded that Michael told her about the past years that you were inseparable, as well as the fact that you were a big part of his life although the friendship stayed platonic.

This thought led you wondering if Michael also told her that he confessed his love for you three years ago. And that you never told him that you reciprocated his feelings, not even trying to talk to him until nine months later in the middle of December, when you ran into Michael and his girlfriend-turned-wife. After a few minutes of painful, painful small talk, Lauren ended the conversation by asking for your number as they had to continue their holiday shopping. You gave them the number with no reluctance, and you swore you could see a glint in Michael’s eyes.

Although you didn’t know, the only thing on Michael’s mind at that moment was hurt. Because that’s why he couldn’t contact you anymore. You changed your number.

Michael didn’t text you at all. It was Lauren who frequented on reaching out to you even though the text messages popped out once in a blue moon. And when the wedding invitation came through the mail, you were more than surprised. Shocked, even. But that feeling didn’t even amount to when Lauren called you a few hours later to ask you to be a bridesmaid.

You didn’t want to go through with it at all. But Lauren was the bride, after all. She also told you that Michael gave her the greenlight, so you thought to yourself, why not? Of course, there were a lot of reasons why you shouldn’t go, but you blatantly ignored it and went anyway.

It didn’t end well, with you crying in the arms of Calum Hood, one of your closest friends. You rode a taxi on the way home earlier than usual as Calum texted you that he would cover for you in your absence.

You had hoped that the love you felt for Michael would fade in time, but that wasn’t the case here.

Being an undeniably nice person was sometimes the reason as to why you became a pushover. You never usually retorted back or said no to people who would get hurt by your rejection. It was one of the reasons why Nick was in your life, not that you regret anything, you just wished he would’ve come sooner (since you weren’t exactly over Michael yet), and it was one of the reasons why you went to Michael’s wedding.

Now, it’s one of the reasons why you’re at a supermarket, staring into the fridge of ice cream, deep in thought. Though you were trying to pick out a flavour of ice cream you’d like, your mind kept wandering off to Lauren’s baby shower.

“My manager has noticed you having trouble. Do you need any help?” Your head snapped to where you heard the voice. You noticed an employee giving you a kind smile.

The thoughts that were previously in your head was interrupted as you replied curtly. “No, thank you.” And with that, the employee left to tend to other customers.

The short exchange shook you out of your trance as your mind remembered the reason why you were here. So, unlike the past ten minutes, you actually start getting the snacks; vanilla ice cream, a few bags of chips, two six-packs of beer, and your comfort food.

As you turned to the candy aisle, you tried to find your favourite brand of gummy bears. When you noticed it, though, you frowned. There it was, in all it’s glory, on the highest rack. You couldn’t reach it because of your short height, but you still tried. Your fingers reached for the pack as you stood in your tippy toes, small groans emitting from your throat as the situation annoyed the hell out of you.

A hand took the pack of gummy bears from the rack for you, giving it as they chuckled. You sighed in relief, turning to him to give him thanks.

You were met with a mop the most familiar blonde hair, right above the face of an old friend. “You’re still into those?” He chuckled, gesturing to the candy in your basket. “You know those are bad for your teeth, Y/N. I told you a thousand times…” He trailed off.

A smile crept on your face. You recognized him as soon as you turned. “Shut up, Luke.” The reply brings a big grin on his features.

“You haven’t grown at all since I last saw you,” Luke refers to last year, when you spoke to him briefly at Michael’s wedding while simultaneously teasing you about your height. The mention of the wedding makes your smile falter a bit, yet he thankfully doesn’t notice. “But you’re still as beautiful. I’ll give you that, at least.”

The electric blue eyes of Luke Robert Hemmings still reminds you of the ocean even after you stopped talking. You weren’t one to talk to someone unless they approached you first—so when you distanced yourself from Michael, Luke and you got disconnected as well. Luke was never one to approach first, either. But when you do talk, it’s like you’ve known each other since birth, despite meeting him at 9th grade when he and Michael decided to be friends rather than enemies.

He, too, knows how you feel towards Michael. But he rarely acknowledges it, because, unlike Calum, he chose to not mention it as he knew that fact made you feel uncomfortable.

“Always so flirty, Hemmings.” You giggled, slightly blushing at his words.

“You know, the boys are waiting for me at Macca’s. Wanna come?” He inquired with a small smile on his face. “I could wait until you’ve finished paying for your stuff. I’m sure the other guys would want to catch up with you.”

You couldn’t say no, especially to the boys. Though you didn’t necessarily want to see Michael right now, you still missed them. It’s been a year since you saw them in person, so you couldn’t deny a simple hang out, even though it would probably last for only a few minutes.

Since the supermarket wasn’t so busy, you finished paying for your stuff earlier than usual. Your nerves were building up as seconds passed. You didn’t want to admit it to yourself but for once in your life, you wanted a long line of people waiting their turn for the cashier, because then you wouldn’t be able to see Michael sooner.

“You alright, Y/N?” Luke questions from beside you, eyeing you with concern. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“I’m fine,” You replied. “It’s just… I haven’t seen you guys in a while and I’m afraid that it’ll be weird.”

“You still talk to Calum, though, right? And it’s fine. They’ll be ecstatic to see you.” Luke said and put some of his own stuff (which was just a few bags of chips) into your basket so that he could pull out his phone. “Here, I’ll give them a heads up.” He types out a message to the boys’ groupchat, showing you the text he sent right after.

You sighed in defeat. “Yeah, whatever.” Luke chuckles at your less than unenthusiastic reply as you gave the basket of junk food to the cashier. “Also, yeah, me and Calum talk from time to time, but we never really meet up. He’s always busy producing music.”

“Did he tell you that he got a girlfriend? She’s English.”

“God, yes. It’s literally all he’s been talking about for the past few facetimes…”

The conversation flowed with Luke smoothly, it was as if you never stopped talking at all. It was weird, to be frank, but seeing him cheered you up and made you momentarily forget about your decision on whether or not you wanted to attend the baby shower.

Luke offered to carry all the paper bags that held all the junkfood and you reluctantly agreed, since he ignored all your rejections and repeatedly insisted that it’s the least he could do for not talking with you for a long time.

Your answers and replies got shorter as you neared the fast food chain. Luke noticed it, but decided against bringing it up, trying to make you laugh instead.

When you entered the boys’ line of sight, you’d imagine more of an awkward stare. You would wave politely at them as they waved back. But that wasn’t the case here.

As soon as Calum saw you, which was the second you walked into the restaurant, he jumped from his seat, running to you until he’s engulfed you into a hug. “Oh my God, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I was in town.” He said, his voice muffled as he buried his head into the crook of your neck. You giggled at his abrupt greeting, hugging him back just as tight before you both let go. “You look as horrible as ever.” He joked, putting an arm around your shoulders as you playfully scowled at him, swatting his hand off of you.

Ashton was quick to come up to you too as soon as you were six feet away from the table they shared. He gave you a brief hug with a smile on his face. “It’s so good to see you, Y/N.” You said the same to him, an equally big smile on your face. Subconciously, your eyes drifted to the table.

And there he was. A black beanie was wrapped around his head with a few locks of his blonde hair sticking out messily. You haven’t seen him in person in such a long time, you actually got caught off guard at his appearance. His hair definitely got longer, he got a stubble, and he drfinitely looked mature. Though the features looked new—you were still struck with familiarity.

It was Michael Clifford, after all. You couldn’t forget him if you tried.

In an attempt to avoid an awkward conversation, you try and strike up small talk with the other three boys. Though it was cut short as Michael stood up from the table and approached you, a small smile on his ever so familiar pink lips.

“Hey,” He gently tugged on the end of your hair, averting your attention to him. It takes you a few seconds to collect yourself because you feel the nostalgic aching in your chest that you haven’t felt in a long period of time. Michael noticed your hesitance, but mistakes it for confusion. “What, no hugs for Mikey?”

The teasing question catches you off guard, but despite the nagging in the back of your head telling you that this was a mistake, you laughed. It’s somewhat fake—but Michael doesn’t need to know. “You haven’t changed, haven’t you?” The words left your lips in a happy tone, but it felt like venom in your mouth. He changed—he definitely did, but maybe, maybe if you keep telling yourself that he didn’t then it would come true.

“You know I haven’t.” Michael smiled, engulfing you in a big hug. It takes you by surprise, but you barely hesitate to hug back. He was always big on physical affection. There wasn’t a time when Michael didn’t hug you at least once when you frequented hanging out. It was one of your favourite things about him.

Unlike the embrace you shared at his wedding a few months back, the hug was long and tight; as if it was something you both longed for. And in a way, it was.

“You’re squeezing me,” You joked, a smile, a genuine smile creeping on your face. Michael released you with a slight chuckle.

You don’t know why this is more comfortable than your encounter back at the wedding. You’re uncertain if it’s because of Lauren’s absence or the boys’ presence, but you know one thing’s for sure.

It’s not as hard to pretend that nothing’s wrong compared to a long time ago.

Next thing you know, you’re all squeezed into one booth, eating unhealthy food like you did back in high school. The guys were telling you stories about the recent events in their lives, words smoothly flowing as the air seemed lighter and happier. For once in a long time, you don’t feel regret.

“How about you, Y/N?” Luke asked, a grin forming on his face. “Any special people?” He wiggled his eyebrows, earning a small laugh from you.

The brief mention of Nick in the presence of someone you loved—and still love—for the past few years makes you squirm in your seat, though it looks like they didn’t notice. It takes you a few seconds to answet him. “Yeah… his name’s Nick.”

In less than an hour, the conversation abruptly ends with a phone call from your boyfriend. He tells you to come home since it’s about to be rush hour and you hastily agreed. “Leaving so soon?” Calum speaks up right after you end your call with your boyfriend, a sad smile on his face, knowing full well that it’ll be a long time until you see each other again.

“Yeah, m'sorry.” You pouted, standing up from the table as Calum follows suit. “Call soon, okay?” The phrase was a goodbye that both of you used often, a habit that you never seemed to outgrow. You never did like goodbyes, anyways.

After your hug with Calum, the other two boys wave you off with big smiles on their faces as they wished you a safe ride home. Michael, though, also stood up. “I’ll walk you to your car.” He stated, taking the bag of snacks from your arms.

Since the mall wasn’t that big, you were in the car park in a matter of five minutes. The walk wasn’t uncomfortable—just silent. It seemed as if Michael didn’t know what to say and vice versa. Though, as you approached closer to your car, Michael starts a conversation that you would later lose sleep over.

“Y/N,” The blonde said, making you snap your gaze towards him. “What happened?”

His question catches you off guard. You don’t exactly know what he’s talking about, but you have a general idea. “Hm?” With eyebrows raised, you looked at him in confusion.

“It’s been almost three years.” Michael stared in front of him, trying to avoid your stare. “I told you I loved you then you left. Just like that.”

The mention of the unspeakable event makes you shudder. Your gaze drops to your shoes in guilt. It’s hard to say anything. You couldn’t muster up even a simple apology to him as the familiar aching in your chest returns.

Michael noticed your silence, so he keeps talking. “I tried so fucking hard to talk to you, Y/N.” His words are like daggers in your chest. “But you tried to avoid me like I was the plague. You even changed your number. At one point you blocked me out of everything.” Michael’s voice cracks, and even though you’re not looking at him, you know he’s struggling to fight the tears just as you are. “If it wasn’t for us bumping into each other then you wouldn’t even unblock me.”

“Car,” You told him, not bothering to look at him as you entered the driver’s seat and he enters the passenger’s. If the tension in the air wasn’t thick, it sure was now. It was almost as if you could cut a knife through it. You remained quiet after you said the word.

“I just…” He sniffled. You felt your heart break iinto a million pieces as tears brimmed your eyes. “I just want to know why.”

“I… I’m not sure—” You muttered under your breath but it was loud enough for him to hear.

“Don’t,” Michael said, his voice turning stern. “I deserve an explanation rather than an ‘I’m not sure’.” The phrase angered him, but still, the hurt remained. His gaze burns into the side of your skull.

“I was scared, Michael!” You exclaimed, hot tears running down your cheeks. Michael’s breath hitches at the tone of your voice but his stare on you stays fixed. Though, your eyes keep their hold on the empty car park in front of you, trying their best to avoid him. Your voice becomes softer. “I was scared that one day, you’d wake up and not love me anymore. I can’t live with that.”

“Then you should be dead by now.” Michael muttered, making you avert your eyes toward him. His gaze falls back onto the scene in front of him as you caught his bloodshot eyes. “I spent so many days wondering what could’ve been if you loved me.”

“But I did love you.”

“Did you love me when you left without a word?” Michael’s tone sounds defeated. “Did you love me when you ended our friendship?”

“Michael…”

“Did you love me when I said I loved you?” Michael sighed, resting his head against the window beside him. You’re trembling, out of guilt, sadness, and anger towards yourself. You can’t stand to see him like this, and the fact that you induced it made you hate yourself even more.

“I love you, Michael. I still do…. I don’t think anything would ever stop that.” You said weakly as you tore your gaze off him. “I’m sorry.”

“I loved you, Y/N. For the longest time.” Michael paused. “Then I realized that this is the way it should be.”

You don’t say anything, but the whimpers escaping your lips says a thousand words.

“We didn’t have the right timing, did we?” He joked and chuckled lightly, but there was no humour in the situation. “You want to know something?” There was no words from you, but a glance told him that you did. “I don’t regret anything. I don’t regret falling in love with you, Y/N.”

A relieved laugh escaped from your lips out of sudden happiness, but the tears are still streaming down your face. “I don’t regret falling in love with you either.”

Michael figets with the gold band on his ring finger. “Back when we were seventeen, do you remember when you were confined because of the car crash?” You slowly nod, wiping away the tears on your face. “I was the first person that saw you wake up since the accident. I felt like the luckiest man on the planet.” Michael grinned softly at the memory, the tears now stopped. “Then you gave me the happiest smile. That’s the first time I knew I loved you.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you.” You quietly said. “But… are you happy?”

“The happiest I’ve ever been.” Michael smiled. “Are you?”

“To be honest?” You let out a dry laugh. “I don’t know.”

His hand makes it’s was to your upper arm, a familiar gesture of comfort that you had both adapted. You don’t feel butterflies and it doesn’t seem romantic, but you find a snippet of home and belonging in his simple touch. Despite the growing distance between you. “The world is not that big of a shitshow.”

“Wait for it.” You joked, giving Michael a small grin. He released your arm and puts down the bag on the floor of the passenger’s seat.

Michael sniffs. “Take care, okay?” And before you could even reply, he’s out the door, walking away with his back facing you. You don’t know for sure, but it looked like he was wiping his face as he walked.

With a burst of confidence and desperation, you get out of the car and run after him, the tapping of your shoes against the floor echoing in the slightest. He doesn’t notice you at first, but he does when you hug him from behind. The waterworks start again. “Michael, don’t leave, please. Please,” You whimpered. “Choose me, please.”

You could feel the beat of his heart as you hugged him. It was fast as his labored breaths. “I love her.” His words break your heart. “You have to let me go.” Your arms are pried off him and he breaks free from your hold. He turned around with new tears falling onto his rosy cheeks.

“We can’t end like this.”

“We never even started, Y/N.” Michael shook his head in disappointment. “Look at me,” He cups your cheeks in his warm hands, making you fix your eyes on his. “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

“Michael—”

He cuts off your stubbornness. “Promise.”

“… I promise.” You hesitantly said. As soon as the two words leave your lips, Michael engulfs you in his arms once again as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. “I guess this is goodbye, isn’t it?” You whispered. Michael lets go of you and nods slowly. “Take care, Michael Clifford.”

“Keep your promise, Y/N Y/L/N.” And he leaves. He never really liked goodbyes as well.

The ride on the way home is quiet, apart from the faint music coming from your car radio. The tears on your cheeks had dried because of the air conditioning, and surprisingly, you don’t find yourself crying. When you enter your apartment, Nick’s already asleep on the couch as the TV plays a football game. Despite feeling sleepless, you go to your bedroom and nestle yourself under the sheets.

You don’t sleep for a few hours, replaying the conversation in your head over and over again. You kept going through what you should’ve said that could make him stay, but you realize it’s too late now.

Your thoughts wander to the baby shower. In a haste, you pull out your phone text Lauren an apology because you decided to not go. You didn’t know how you’d react to Lauren and her baby bump, but theres a high chance that it would break you.

It was going to be a long process, but you had to get over Michael. You had to face your fears this time in order to take care of yourself. Going over what you should do, you concluded that you shouldn’t be in a relationship with Nick if you only considered him a distraction. But you decide to do it in the morning instead.

Maybe, in a few years’ time, you’d meet the love of your life and start a family with him. And if he asked about the people you fell in love with, you’d tell the story of you and Michael. Perhaps you’d do it without hesitance and with a smile on your face, because even though he’s the one that got away, he would still be the greatest what if in your life.

But now, as you’re huddled under the duvet and you’re losing sleep over him, you tell yourself to keep his promise. No matter how hard it is. Even if it takes two hours of crying or three tubs of ice cream or morning jogs. You will take care of yourself.

And you can’t wait until the familiar green eyes start to remind you of beautiful trees instead of heartbreak.