#but he literally just got his character tag on ao3 like 2 weeks ago

[dirtytransmasc]

Miles "Spider" Socorro Needs a Hug

Is already a tag you can filter by on ao3.

this boy has barely lived and breathed on the big screens a month, and this tag already exists for him, that has to say something.

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

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1. I have been looking for this fic for WEEKS!! , I read this fic many months ago, so I don't really remember it well. In this Wei Wuxian is kinda like possessed or something, it's like after his 3 months in burial mounds he comes out very changed he has become very emotionless and has become mute as in he neve ever speaks at all, he always obeys his Sect Leader (Jiang Cheng) and has over all just become a machine who listens to what his master say. Jiang Change,Jiang Yanli and Lan Wangji are very concerned and disturbed about his behaviour. There are chapters where Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng try to cheer him up or make him speak something but it never works.And as u can imagine lan Wangji is heartbroken as well

Then i don't remember how exactly but in the end they show Jiang Yanli,Jiang Cheng,Lan Wangji,Nie Huasiang, and an unconscious Wei Wuxian in the burial mounds and it shows that the burial mound spirits had bargained with wei wuxian when he was thrown in and in order to escape from the burial mounds and to protect his family Wei Wuxian had sacrificed his heart to it. But in the end he regains it and he goes back to being normal. And it's an Overall happy ending.

I have been searching through all the tags of ao3 that could possibly be linked to that fic but I just can't find it

Please help me find this soon

FOUND? between the shadow and the soul by Reverie (cl410) (M, 22k, wangxian, JYL/WQ, JC/NHS, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Family, Dark WWX, Feral WWX, Memory Loss, Magic, Magical Realism, Protective LWJ, Protective JC, Protective JYL, Grief, BAMF WWX, POV Alternating, Happy Ending)

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2. Hey! I’m looking for a certain fic. It’s a rogue cultivator wei ying. All I remember is that during a cultivator event, he takes jiang yanli on a sword ride. He leaves a note, but everyone gets worried she is missing. I think there were corpses attacking. Madam Jin accuses him of starting shit, but jiang yanli defends him. Hope someone’s know it, thanks!

FOUND? SanRen by Kyogre (T, 87k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Different First Meeting, Romantic Fluff, Action & Romance, Eventual Happy Ending) chapter 14

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3. hi i was wondering if you know the fic where lwj visits burial mounds but then a-yuan started crying so he said that he’ll stay once he calms down but ofc by the end both him and wwx have confessed their feelings for each other. please help me i have been trying to find it for the past hour. thank you very much!!! <333

FOUND? A Crying Shame by thunderwear (G, 16k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, A-yuan to the rescue, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Domestic Fluff, Love Confessions, First Kissa, LWJ joins WWX at burial mounds, LWJ is soft pass it on, literally all fluff, Marriage Proposal, Oblivious WWX)

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4. Hello. I’m looking for a long fic. It’s wangxian HAPPY ending and after jin zixuan “dies”. The truth is, He’s not dead. Everyone belive he is, but the jin clan got him and put him on the underground. Some time ago, wen qing, who everyone think is dead too, ends up there with him. They stay years on that prison and, besides some jin and meng yao, no one knows. After some time they get out, I don’t remember how, and the fic continues from there. I looked at all my bookmarks and havent found it.

FOUND? You still sound like a song by Moominmammashandbag (M, 64k, wangxian, WIP, Ghost!WWX, Mystery, LWJ plays inquiry, AU from after the Wens came to Lotus Pier, Most people lived, not everybody died, Angst with a Happy Ending, river spirit!WWX, Angst and Feels, description of murder, imminent smut, Execution, bad dog names, Poisons, Discussion of Attempted Murder, BAMF WWX, Family Feels)

FOUND? 🧡 like speaking to my heart by SnowshadowAO3 (T, 613k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Daemons, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Some people live!, additional warnings in specific chapters, if you don't know what daemons are that's ok because I explain it in the author's note, also by slow burn I VERY much mean slow burn) That part happens near the end iirc / it might be this one? Chapter 37 is the bit the anon mentions

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5. Hi! (This part added to itmf) cuz I lost the one I’ve read where wwx has a sister who’s paired with xichen and I remember her having a kid with xichen but she died(?) and xichen had to raise their son alone and when she came back she lost her memories. Thank youu!! @gideonmorningstar

FOUND? your smile tells me im safe by TheDoctorDionysus (E, 143k, LXC/Female Reader, WangXian, XuanLi, Reader-Insert, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Eventual Romance, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Canon-Typical Violence, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Blood and Injury, Crossdressing, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Suicide Attempt, Explicit Sexual Content, Semi-Public Sex, Blow Jobs, Inappropriate Use of Gūsū Lán Forehead Ribbon, Hair-pulling, Pregnancy, Pregnant Sex, Marriage Proposal, Married Couple, Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drunk LWJ, its brief but drunkji is there, Amnesia, Major Character Undeath, Canonical Character Death - WWX)

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6. hi im looking for an omegaji fic that was really beautifully paced and written, published sometime last year i think. it had an inn, really creepy atmosphere and background xiyao. i can’t remember anything else about it and i want to reread it so bad

FOUND? penumbra by globose (E, 21k, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, Mpreg, YLLZ WWX, Demon/Human Relationships, Supernatural Elements, Omega LWJ)

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7. Hiii!! I am looking for a fic I read a long time ago, so I don't remember most of the details. Sorry about that. What I remember about it clearly is that WWX was never found by Jiang Fengmian or any cultivator. Many years later he becomes a minister/official of some kind for the emperor, who is not related to the cultivation world. Now comes the fuzzy part, so it may or may not be helpful for finding that fic. The emperor knows when the war breaks out and sends WWX to help settle the war, and WWX once again becomes a leading cause for the demise of Wen Sect. And obviously WWX and LWJ fall in love during that time.

Once again thanks for all the hard work you do to keep this fandom well fed. @songtaegguk

FOUND? Copying Scriptures by chiyukimei (E, 31k, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, Genius WWX, Palace, canon wangxian dynamics, Angst with a Happy Ending, LWJ Bites, LWJ is the baby of the Lan Clan, Good Uncle LQR, WangXian are parents, Fluff, Blood and Injury, Self-Harm)

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8. Hi again! I'm looking for a modern AU where LZ gains friends after wy's death/disappearance.

So wy has a lot of friends, like jc jyl wq wn nhs jzx lqy etc, and by being in a relation w wy, lz also has access to them.

But once wy is gone lz thinks the link between wy's friends and lz is non-existant and starts to spiral from the loss of wy, alone.

But the friends don't let lz go, barge into lz apartment and makes a space for themselves and help lz grieve n move on from the loss of his partner.

Slowly through the years lz feels he also has friends.

Eventually wy does come back and wangxian rekindles their flame. @imstillthinkingaboutithmm

NOT FOUND! Sounds like it could be The transitive property as it applies to love by deliciousblizzardshark, part 2 of the series (T, 10k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LWJ & WQ, LWJ & WN, Modern, Grief/Mourning, Mention of substance abuse, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Autistic LWJ) also as a side note, parts 1 & 2 are open, but part 3 is locked to AO3 users

FOUND? Love Don't Belong To Me by airinshaw (E, 21k, WangXian, Modern AU, Getting Together, Kissing, Intercrural Sex, Light Angst, Happy Ending, PTSD, Panic Attack, WWX's canonical self-esteem issues, Canonical Child Abuse, not as dark as the tags imply, Past Relationships mention) its not the WWWWXD series, but the focus isn't on LWJ as much as it is on WWX

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9. Hi! I’ve been searching for a fic I read a while back. It was a modern omegaverse AU (also maybe soulmates) with younger omega LWJ and older alpha WWX. They were in university (LWJ in his 1st year and WWX in his last I think). The uni had a research facility studying a/b/o dynamics, or it might have been soulmates? Anyway, Madam Yu was a professor, and she was actually good and liked WWX and was on his side. Lan Qiren was a professor as well, and I think Wen Qing worked at the clinic as a grad student. I remember one scene where Wangxian were in the clinic and they were fooling around and it was their first time, and the staff had to shoo all the doctors and researchers away (I think there was a 2 way mirror). I don’t remember much else but would really appreciate the help—I can’t find it anywhere and it’s driving me to distraction!

FOUND?🔒 I is for Instinct by beeswaxing (E, 71k, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha WWX, Omega LWJ, Scenting, Possessive Behavior, Getting Together, First Time, First Kiss, Public Display of Affection, Public Claiming, Omega Verse, Good Parent LQR, Alpha YZY, Good Parent YZY, Family Feels, Fluff, Romance, Aftermath of Violence, Slice of Life, Modern AU, College/University, BAMF WWX, Soft WangXian, Barebacking, Knotting, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg)

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10. hi !! just wanted to let you know that this fic could possibly be deleted, but i hope it isn’t. i vaguely remember this is abo — wwx is an omega and lz is an alpha, wwx is kicked out of gusu for reasons (i think lz had something to do with it), madam yu then trains wwx to be this spy/assassin who is to protect jiang cheng and yanli, during xuanwu wwx pretends to be someone else but lz and nhs find out, wwx fakes his death during/after xuanwu, last chapter is letters from nhs (to madam yu?)

FOUND?🔒Pendulum by ShippersList (M, 69k, WangXian, XiYao, Canon Divergence, A/B/O Dynamics, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Misunderstandings, Canon-Typical Violence, Spies & Secret Agents, Fake Character Death, Slow Burn, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, BAMF WWX, Attempted Sexual Assault, Canonical Character Death, Mutual Pining, Good MY, Introspection, Self-Sacrificing WWX, Love Confessions, Protective LWJ, past child sexual abuse)

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11. hello ! I recently lost track of a wangxian proposal au, like the movie lol. pretty sure it had something like “the proposal au no one asked for” in the summary. Ik that’s not a lot to go on, but I was hoping you could help. tysm!

FOUND? The Grandmaster of Foolproof Proposals by chronicallylethargic (G, 16k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, The Proposal Fusion, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mutual Pining, The Proposal AU, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Angst, Fake Marriage, deportation, Green Card Marriage, Miscommunication, Horseback Riding, wwx isnt adopted by the jiangs in this fic)

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12. fic finder request! having no luck looking through my history for a fic, where i only rmb the ending. wangxian are with dafanwen. after giving lwj two flowers (or sth similar) from himself and ayuan, wwx reveals that he is expecting their second child by presenting lwj with a third flower. i can't rmb if ayuan is wangxian's biological child in this fic.

thank you so much for what you do and happy new year!

FOUND!🔒Blooming in white by luckymoonly (T, 38k, WangXian, XuanLi, MianQing, NieLan, ChengSang, Canon Divergence, Mpreg, Getting Together, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending starts from chapter 71, hidden pregnancy, Mutual Pining, Drama, Misunderstandings, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Miscommunication, WWX and NHS are BFF, matchmaker!NHS, Fix-It)

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13. Hi! I’m trying to find a fic and I can’t remember the name. From what I do remember, it focuses on Lan Sizhui as WWX’s son while he was dead, with Jiang Ching repeatedly inviting him over to get to know his Jiang heritage. I don’t think he knows his other parent is WWX? LWJ doesn’t really want him to go but he eventually goes anyway and learns about his dad’s sect. @finmoryo

FOUND? Would You Come Home? by s6115 (Not rated, 46k, WangXian, Junior Quartet Centric, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Junior Quartet Dynamics) this story doesn't feature a lot of actual wwx (tho he very much plays a part) but technically it fits the prompt and it's a great fic

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14. Hey, Can you help me find a fic? In the fic wwx owns an apothecary. Lwj and wwx meet bcz lwj is injured. Wwx is adopted by either the apothecary owner or a doctor who owns an apothecary. Hope you are able to find it for me. @mayavsworld

FOUND? A Heart Made of Jade by makkurokuro93 (E, 66k, WangXian, Historical, Ancient China, Politics, Drama & Romance, Love Triangles, One-Sided LXC/WWX, Slow Burn, Sexual Content, Angst with a Happy Ending, Top WWX/Bottom LWJ, Top LWJ/Bottom WWX, of course they switch ssh, Fluff, Eventual Relationships)

FOUND? what builds a home by Stratisphyre (T, 45k, WangXian, MY & WWX, Canon Divergence, Adopted WWX, POV Multiple, warning for JGS behaving exactly as expected, child endangerment, Brother Feels, Minor Character Death) probably isn't "what builds a home" by Stratisphyre but I wanted to mention it in case -- wwx & meng yao are brothers in this fic, meng yao runs an apothecary, and wwx meets lwj (and saves him) b/c lwj is injured

is it a historical/no cultivator clans AU where the Twin Jades are a pair of outlaws a la Robin Hood?

FOUND? Eyes by SplitGirl28 (M, 60k, WIP, WangXian, Adopted by Doctor, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiāngs, Cultivator Apothecary WWX, No Golden Core Transfer, Meet Different, WWX has a secret, Secret BAMF WWX, Pining LWJ, Oblivious WWX, WangXian Get a Happy Ending)

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15. I'm looking for a Xicheng fic that I once read and I cannot find It was a 'smut' fic. Modern day. LXC was the son of the owner of a restaurant in which JC and NHS worked. it's LXC's birthday and he comes to the restaurant to celebrate and he had a 'special service' dinner planned out, but the waitress is not available or something , so NHS asks JC to do it instead and LXC and JC have ***. Turns out this was set up by LXC and NHS coz LXC had a crush on JC! If anyone has an idea please help out !

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16. looking for a fic where wwx makes a bet at the cr that he’ll kiss lxc before the summer is up but he actually ends up w lwj obviously

FOUND? Bet Your Heart by Vamillepudding (G, 14k, wangxian, LXC & WWX, Canon Divergence, Romantic Comedy, Mutual Pining, Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together)

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17. Hello, I’ve been desperately looking for a particular fic but all I really remember is one scene, where after wangxian reunion and justice being served and all (at least I think that bit has already happened by that point of the fic), it turns out that Wen Qing survived after all but had been kept prisoner. I just remember this scene of her in her cell considering her imminent death because her meals have stopped for a some time already (since JGY is no longer around to provide them or something along those lines, but she doesn’t know that) and then she hears a familiar voice outside and she calls desperately despite barely having a voice and despairs for a moment thinking no one noticed but then WWX, who very much did hear her and was wandering around Koi Tower with Lan Zhan for some reason I can’t remember, brings down the entire prison around her and rescues her. I’m fairly certain there must have been a happy ending, because that’s all I ever read. I know it’s not a lot to go on but it’s been driving me insane trying to find it. Thanks for all your wonderful work!

FOUND? Reunion by LtLJ, last part of the series (G, 3k, WWX & WQ, wangxian, WQ & WN, Hurt/Comfort, BAMF WWX, WQ Lives, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Behavior, Angst with a Happy Ending, YLLZ WWX, BFFs)

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18. Hello I'm translating on Google Translate, so sorry for any mistakes. I'm looking for a fanfic at the time of the siege at the tombs, instead of Jiāng Yànlí, he stood in front of Weiying to protect him and Lan Zhan, who was injured and Weiying thought he killed him, until he handed himself over to the Lan clan.

FOUND? If I Could Go Back in Time by Runningbarefoot (M, 122k, wangxian, JC & JYL & WWX, LXC/NMJ, LXC & LWJ, LXC & WWX, Canon Divergence, Role Reversal, Not Everyone Dies AU, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Grief/Mourning, Loss, YLLZ WWX, Eventual Happy Ending, The Twin Jade Brotherhood, Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Dynamics, Slow Burn)

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19. Hi, I'm looking for a wangxian angst fic I read a while ago? It was a modern au, and I can't remember if they were married or not but it was definitely an established relationship and it was about lan wangji being upset because he thought wei wuxian had moved his mother's urn and wei wuxian ended up apologizing after lan wangji got mad even though he hadn't done anything. The fic had a really nice make up afterward and i want to read it again so bad waaah

FOUND! under my skin by wqngji (M, 3k, WangXian, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, Established Relationship, Fights, Crying, Married Couple, Insecure WWX, Self-Worth Issues, Hurt WWX, Sex in a Car, Car Sex, Day At The Beach)

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20. Hi I am looking for a fic in which wei ying wakes up in the burial mounds, which have turned green.

He basically growns flowers and seems to be some kind of deity @pigtruffles

FOUND? the trees welcome with open branches by defractum (nyargles) (nyargles) (T, 13k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Supernatural Elements, Getting Together, Fix-It of Sorts)Wwx turns himself into a forest on the burial mounds. Lwj visits, and they Communicate

Is this a time travel fic? Where he wakes up and sees the wens alive and the burial mounds flourishing with life? And he's so confused because he doesn't know how it happened? But it was because he wished for the wens to have a better life before he died or something? I can't remember the name of that fic but maybe some one else can?

FOUND? 🔒 Of Destruction and Rebirth by demoniqt (M, 88k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, major character death, underage, rape/non-con, graphic depictions of violence, Slow Burn, Canonical Character Death, God WWX, God Verse, BAMF WWX, Grieving LWJ, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence, Gods & Goddesses, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Rabbits, Fix-It, Attempted Sexual Assault, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood and Gore, Castration, Lots of it, repeatedly, Punishment, Hell) He didnt wake up in burial mound but he is a god and make burial mound green

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[autisticlancemcclain]

thank u @zenstrike for the tag <333333333 i see ur mic and i'm elated about it

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

185! but i haven't updated in like a week and a half so we're probably closer to 190

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

556,104. i am very excited to watch it jump up when i finally finish my longfic teehee

3. what fandoms do you write for?

literally just voltron lol. well not counting baby me's wattpad lol. i started writing almost two years ago and just went ham basically. i've been intentionally avoiding things that i know i will get hyperfixated on bc i don't want to stop my writing obsession lol

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

ooooou i'm excited to check. i know it's changed quite a bit over time. i usually sort them by hits!

i will grind you to sand (beneath my louboutin heels) [voltron, 2573 words]: bamf lance fic where i give him a revolver and let him go ham basically

mr. snuggles [voltron, 1656 words]: one of my very earliest fics! lance, lover of weirdo animals, finds a demonic cat-sized spider and adopts it despite his friend's freakouts

he might not look like he gets bitches (but honey that dick was eleven inches) [voltron, 1136 words]: this one is so dorky lol but it's just secret relationship klance coming to light in the most embarrassing possible way

does anyone know where the love of god goes (when the waves turn the minutes to hours) [voltron, 4283]: a canon divergence au where lance is a seer and convinces the skeptics on his team of his abilities by ending the war

this is the part of me that you're never gonna ever get away) [voltron, 3262 words]: a lance & shiro hurt/comfort with a small autistic lance character study! i'm very proud of this one

5. do you respond to comments?

i definitely do on tumblr! it's one of the first things i do when i wake up actually. on ao3, though...i'm pretty sure i have about eight hundred unanswered comments sitting in my inbox 💀 it's an ongoing issue

6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i'm almost sure it's this post-game show lance leaving fic, because i got comments and asks for weeks begging me to write a happy ending lol. but this fic from the hana universe, from when keith is little and shiro is fighting for custody and they haven't figured things out yet. that one is sad. this dream pov adashi fic is also sad and has no happy ending bc, you know. shiro is in space and adam thinks he's dead and everything. my loneliest series is also still in progress and as such there is no happy ending. and this is my earliest angsty-ending fic with MCD

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh god pretty much everything i write has a happy ending?? if i’m being serious?? frankly i don’t do a lot of linear plot. i just write Scenes that are vaguely connected. BUT my h2o fic had a plot that ended happily, as did my cowboy fic, but truly i’m more of a slice of life kinda gal. all my active wips are plot-driven, though, and i plan for all of them to end happily.

8. do you get hate on fics?

oh god yeah. i get it on brown eyed lance, autistic lance, adhd keith, allura just in general (are you sensing a pattern), my refusal to use readmores, and lately just some demands for me to write differently/more?? most of it is just funny so i post it to goof on it lol, but some of it i just delete and pout about until i forget about it 💀

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

yes and it’s nasty and i will literally never ever post it. although i guess i’ve written some softer stuff that’s more allusion than anything, like in my loneliest series.

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not anymore, but i did when i was a kid?? i think i wrote a pjo/hoo/divergent/the mortal instruments/homestuck/a bunch of other shit fic when i was 13. i’ve successfully blocked that era out of my mind tho so i’m not sure. i do a lot of insane aus, tho. i wrote a fic based off a country song written in the sixties. so.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

i’ve had people write continuations of my wips?? which i didn’t rly like. i just ignored it.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

someone has asked me about translating a fic before! haven’t heard anything since tho.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have tried. i’m not very good at it. i have very Specific ideas about things and can be very controlling, so it’s honestly better that i don’t lol.

14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

klance, easy. been in the trenches of this goddamn fandom since i was 13 years of age. it’s been a Journey.

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

god, the butterfly effect. i get people asking me to update all the time and i genuinely feel bad, because i have absolutely no ideas or plans for it. i might try to come up with an ending of some kind?? but i wrote that like two years ago, so i have changed a LOT about my writing since then.

16. what are your writing strengths?

dialogue and humour, i think. and sometimes writing lack of emotional communication (if that makes sense — i like to try and write around an emotion).

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i over explain a lot. and i overuse dialog ur tags sometimes. i have a Very Specific scene playing out in my head and i want everyone else to see it like i’m seeing it, which is my downfall a lot. i’ve been trying to work on implicit stage directions.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i think sometimes it’s necessary? it can be a good tool for humour, like with cussing that can’t be achieved in english. but while i understand and read several languages i have always always struggled to speak or write in them. it’s very frustrating so i often avoid the subject entirely lol.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

i’ve been writing fanfic in my head since before i knew what it was, but i started typing things at around 11 when i used to homestuck roleplay with my friends lol. messy messy times.

20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?

oh i am my own target audience. i have several.

i need a man (who’s patient and kind): keith-centric post canon (divergence) fic where lance takes him to his family and keith is good with kids and just keith being loved is the whole point. always.

what if i lose it all: an alternate universe where lance, as a baby, loses both his parents, and then is raised by his oldest siblings. in luis’ pov.

when does a ripple become a tidal wave (when does the reason become the flame): brogane fight & angst canon divergence post season 6; covering shiro’s guilt complex and keith’s unwavering loyalty

he’s into superstitions (black cats and voodoo dolls): halloween verse with witch lance and vampire keith! i have barely spoken about this au on here but rest assured i’m thinking about it all the fucking time

the applebee’s universe: modern au with young keith and lance learning how to love each other

ceilings (plaster): non-linear dream-like fic that’s just so trippy and strange i’m obsessed with it

if the sky comes falling down (for you) there’s nothing in this world i wouldn’t do: a keith character study about how the biggest bleeding heart in the universe loves

the hana universe: brogane-centric universe as their family starts rocky and grows

thank u again for the tag zen <33 open offer for anyone else who would like to hop on!!

[followerofmercy]

Fanfic 20 questions! I was gonna say 'fuck it I love talking about myself even if nobody tagged me' and then realized @hua-fei-hua already did like. Two weeks ago. Whoops aldsjf I don't check my mentions. ANYWAY THANKS HOMIE

1. How many fics do you have on AO3?

Currently 119. Should be 120 in a week or two

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

361,556 published. We can add another 60k that is written but unpublished for Monoceros Novae, 9k miscellaneous Hearthling notes, 24k unpublished honkai notes and another 50k in my general notes document.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Actively rn, only Genshin and Honkai. I'll write for other stuff when I feel like it.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Missing Person - Hollow Knight, genfic, little ghost and Quirrel - 1500 kudos (this is why small fandoms are the best alsdfj)

I Need to Leave Him Before He Leaves Me - Genshin, Alhaitham/Kaveh - 987 kudos (helped a lot of people think about their autism with this one lmao)

Homeward Bound - Hollow Knight, genfic, little ghost and Quirrel - 757 kudos (Idk why this one blew up. Wasn't that great but I appreciate the attention. Probably people sorting by kudos)

How 4.1 Should've Gone - Genshin, Aether/Lyney kicking Wriothesley's ass - 656 kudos (First and only time rewriting canon. Surprised at how well received it was)

Abusing the World Tree - Genshin, Lumine/Scaramouche - 643 kudos (Yk I used to really hate this fic and I still do, but not as much as I used to. I still think the entire premise is Horror instead of cute, but I think I did good with the prompt. )

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always. I literally only write fanfic in order to connect with people alsdfj why the fuck wouldn't I take an opportunity to yap. I judge my success as a writer by how I make my readers feel/helping them realize something about themselves/etc and the communication is really fulfilling

I mean sometimes I don't reply if it's literally just like, a heart emoji, which I still appreciate but I don't have a lot to go off of there

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably the one where Steven Universe walks off a cliff on accident while he's sad and can't control his fall speed anymore and dies. I was much younger when I wrote it asldfkj.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

That I'm proud of? No clue. Probably another Steven Universe one where Steven and Connie went to prom.

I will say that A Bard Walks in and Hugs the Bartender is my favorite 'happy' ending fic because of a comment I got on it. It's a story about forgetting details about deceased loved ones and the guilt that comes with that and then comfort that that's a natural part of the process, and someone let me know that they felt so seen. They said the forgetting is a part of grieving that doesn't get addressed enough and it was so nice to see it in writing and I'm like. Pack it up boys we've officially won writing! My writing has fundamentally changed a real life person. I have achieved what I consider success.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Very rarely and usually unintentionally. Had a dude call Arlecchino a 'psychotic bitch' in a comment where they were genuinely trying to praise my writing, but on a fic intended to show her doing her best and I'm like. I don't really have the energy to debate why that was rude and I'm blocking you. Bro if you see this tumblr post and you didn't intend to, like, shit on the entire premise and everything I love about that character, hmu in DMs and we can talk asldfkj. Otherwise please find other authors to read

Otherwise I think I'm secure enough in my interests and unabashedly unashamed of anything Problematique I write that bullies decide to choose better targets?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes and I've given up writing normal sex. I'm not good at it. I have a weird kind of medical kink where I think the word penis is sexier than cock and, yk, most people would disagree. I'm both better at writing gore and horror that achieves the same kind of intimacy with a slight sexual bend, and I get more fulfillment out of it. Anatomy of a Blade remains one of my proudest works.

Also I prefer writing it as a character study. I love finding jackoff material but I can't write it for shit. Pour one out for the authors doing what I can't asldkjf

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written?

Nah. The setting is usually so important to my interpretation of a character that I just Can't put them somewhere else. Same with AUs. I'd rather write an original story at that point. I will fantasize about it occasionally tho.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yesn't? I've had a few lines ripped, especially for rarepairs, but I had such an unfortunate thing happen recently asdlkjf. This new author so excitedly asked me if they could use one of my fics for inspiration and I'm like "omg of course!!! I'm so flattered!" because I was! and then when they finished writing it and told me about it I was so excited to read it!!!

and then I did

I'm sitting here like "...Who's gonna tell them that this is actually plagiarism without embarrassing them and completely crushing their motivation to write ever again" asldfkjasdf;l

like OBVIOUSLY they were not trying to steal, because why the fuck would they announce it to me. But also I don't want them to be served a cease and desist later down the line so we had to have a little talk and it's all good now. I'm really excited to see what they write next!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Supposedly! I've had several people ask me if they could and then just. Never followed up aldk;fskj. It's a shame because I'm absolutely fascinated by linguistics and would love to pick their brains about what translation choices they made and why.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Sorta? Ray did one chapter as an epilogue to one of mine, and I think I've worked with Sen a few times on shorter pieces. Otherwise I'm a bit of a selfish writer and a control freak adsljf

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Constantly changing. I'm currently on a Bootheng and Zhongxiao kick, tho once I watch more of Madoka Magica I'm probably gonna lose my mind over Homura/Madoka. Also Adora/Catra as I watch more Shera.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Literally too many to list. See question 1 and the 50k words worth of notes

I have so many ideas that I really need to pick and choose what I work on because there literally just isn't enough time in the world - unless I start doing cocaine or something, but even then I think I'd still have the same problem. Join my discord server if you're an adult and wanna hear me whine about it asdlfkj

16. What are your writing strengths?

Fitting body language and other scene description with dialogue. I don't see images in my head and I think in motion a lot, so I think I do a really good job of keeping a scene rolling while people are talking without having to bring everything to a screeching halt to describe, idk, the color of the carpet on the stairs.

Also emotional damage

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably longer works? I lose drive to work on anything over 6k words pretty easily and I also struggle with pacing. I'm insisting on finishing Monoceros Novae so it can be my first novel because everyone's first novel sucks ass. I'm getting it out of the way so my original works will hopefully go better asldkfj

Oh. Also what people look like. Fuck you you get a pronoun and maybe a hair color. If Martha Wells can do it with Murderbot, so can I lmao.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Just for the love of God don't put it in italics unless you're making a point that the person using the other language doesn't use it naturally. I'd like to highlight the poem Kupu Rere Ke by Alice Te Punga Somerville for my feelings on it alsdkjf.

Also gonna copy stardustdiving's answer and say that it's great for multilingual characters and places it makes sense, but I personally think it's a little annoying when it's just a shippy pet name to be cute without, like, some kind of basis for it. Notably Childe calling Zhongli Xiansheng. It's fine if he would say that BUT HE WOULDN'T. He'd call him Mr., Sir or Motherfucker Ratbastard Whyaren'tyoudeadyet

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Undertale! Surprised at how well a lot of the fics have held up over the years.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Changes a lot as I develop as a writer. I'm really proud of Frustrations of the Hunt and this is the vibe I want my original writing to have.

I'm also really proud of my one and only FMAB fic about Alphonse getting pants. It's more serious than it sounds.

I actually have a collection of my works that I'm really proud of too!

Let's tag @resplendent-chungus. Do it bitch /affectionate

[underratedandoverit]

You Wanna Wish Away Your Sins (2/3)

After losing to Best Friends at Arcade Anarchy, Kip undergoes shoulder surgery. One person reaching out to him afterwards sends Kip spiraling, turning all the pain and suffering in him into… Flowers? Flowers growing in his lungs?

Kip Sabian/Chuck Taylor. Hanahaki disease. Angst. Hurt/comfort. Emotional hurt/comfort. One-sided attraction. Also tagged this from now on with manipulative Kip.

Marked Mature on AO3 for general content. Warnings for mentions of hospitals, surgery, medical stuff. Described feelings for choking and vomiting.

Other characters on-screen include Penelope Ford. Rest of Best Friends are mentioned. Background ship of Penelope/Kris is heavily implied, but never specifically shown.

part 1 || part 3

On AO3

I really didn't mean to write this for a month but hey mental illness be damned lmao. This is more of a setup for the final act than anything else, I hope it's not super repetitive, I tried to minimize things during editing.

Also this chapter is 7,1k words long I am SO sorry.

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate @ss-trashboat

---------------------------

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes Kip walked into the living room, not being even slightly surprised to see Penelope already standing there. He hadn’t woken up when she had arrived and Penelope didn’t announce her arrival very loudly, which was just fine with him. She had acted more or less as his caretaker since he was discharged from the hospital, both of them knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to take care of himself entirely on his own. Which became very obvious very fast after the first night when Kip had called her in pain after the painkillers had worn off.

“Good morning.”

Penelope perked up a little, eyes shooting over her shoulder towards him, clearly a little surprised as she hadn’t heard him walk into the room. She offered him a smile though. “Morning. Did you sleep well?”

“Better,” Kip shrugged, walking past her towards the kitchen. “It still fucking hurts though.”

“Of course it does,” Penelope stated, leaving the items she was shuffling through on the coffee table, walking after him into the kitchen. “You were literally cut up and sewn back together barely a week ago. It’s not going to pass that fast.”

Kip just nodded absentmindedly, grabbing a cup from the sink before walking over to the coffee maker. Penelope had arranged everything ready for him, learning from the mornings before that food was somehow the first thing in Kip’s mind when he rolled out of bed. He was very grateful for all the work she did for him, knowing that he would most likely barely actually get out of bed if it wasn’t for Penelope to make the early recovery days even somewhat bearable.

After pouring himself a cup of coffee Kip took a seat on one of the stools by the kitchen island, watching as Penelope sat on another seat from across him after sliding a plateful of breakfast items in front of him, observing the Brit as Kip took a sip of his coffee, nodding his head a little as if to give his approval of the quality of it. He averted Penelope’s eyes, her look almost a bit too expecting for him, almost as if she was waiting for him to strike a conversation with her that he didn’t want to have right there and then.

Instead Kip coughed a little, feeling the by now way too familiar scratching in his throat.

Oh god, not now.

“You’ve been coughing so much lately,” Penelope muttered, watching as Kip tried to hide his mouth behind his hand as he hastily set the coffee cup down, having maybe finally learned that he couldn’t use the other to cover his face anymore. Without Penelope noticing – he was fairly sure she didn’t, she would have without a doubt said something – Kip managed to get the few petals out of his lungs, hiding them in his hand before he returned to his coffee, drinking it down in hopes that it would help with the burning in his throat. “Ever since you got back from the hospital. You better not be sick with something.”

“It’s fine,” Kip assured her, his voice hoarse as he cleared his throat a little, still feeling something stuck in there. Penelope just shook her head at him, pushing herself up from her seat, preparing to get back into cleaning the living room like she had been.

“Just make sure I don’t catch it. I have no time to be sick.”

Kip watched as she walked away, letting out a quiet sigh as he glanced at the few purple tinted rose petals in his hand.

“Yeah, I’m sure you won’t be catching this.”

It had been a week, and Kip still didn’t have a solid explanation to any of this. He had tried his absolute best to work it out after the initial freak out in the hospital, but so far there were no answers. When he had coughed the petals up the first time, the nurse that came to his aid after hearing his horrified screams in the hospital room was convinced that the petals were just dropped from the freshly brought set of roses that sat on the nightstand next to the bed and Kip in his tired, painkiller amplified state just didn’t notice neither the flowers nor the petals before. She didn’t take him seriously, only gave him some sedatives to put him in a sleepless slumber so he would stop freaking out.

Ever since then Kip hadn’t told anyone about the petals. Most of the time he managed to keep the coughing to a minimum around other people, like he did around Penelope just now, keeping the petals down in his throat or in the worst case scenario hidden in his mouth until he was alone to get rid of them. The coughing fits came and went, mostly at random and he had little to no control over them, their timing or the intensity, always starting with scratching in his throat until it became unbearable, making it hard to breath, ending with Kip coughing out at least a handful of purple tinted rose petals.

He had thought about telling Penelope about it, but without having close to no idea himself why all this was happening, Kip had decided against it. Penelope was the levelheaded one out of the two of them and she put up with a lot of Kip’s nonsense already, but this might have been above even her understanding. And if Kip couldn’t explain it to even himself, well…

He wasn’t going to risk it with Penelope.

Finishing his plate while pondering through all of this before getting up to get more coffee, Kip poured the petals from his hand into the trash, sighing a little. He had tried researching the phenomena he was experiencing to the best of his ability, but every source he could find was either fictional or made little to no sense to him while he was reading it. The only connecting thread he could find in all of this was the few sets of words that seemed to come up in everything he found, no matter how grounded in reality it was.

Unrequited love.

Flowers growing in his lungs.

Be loved, get surgery… Or die.

Chewing on his lower lip, Kip sat back down to the stool he had stood up from, sipping on a fresh cup of coffee as he dwelt in his thoughts. He wasn’t really sure what it all meant, but he sure had noticed that as time passed with him coughing the petals, it seemed like the throat scratching got worse over time and he had a harder time catching proper amounts of air into his lungs. At first Kip had just put it down as the fault of the medication, but the more he looked into this whole thing, it seemed like this was definitely a lot worse than just medication messing with his body or the short time he had been in bed rest already messing him up physically.

There was something else, as another coughing fit reminded him of, making a few petals drop onto the counter of the kitchen island. Kip stared at them for a moment, slowly wiping them to the floor. Watching them gently float down until they were out of his view Kip sighed.

How did something so beautiful make him hurt so much on the inside? And maybe even more importantly, why?

“…Are you even listening?”

Kip’s eyes shot up, meeting Penelope’s gaze as she leaned against the door frame at the kitchen entrance, arms crossed over her chest. By her reaction Kip was thinking she hadn’t actually seen the petals still, but he had been too deep in his own thoughts the past few moments to notice her talking to him from the living room.

Kip shook his head slowly. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

Penelope sighed, but her features clearly softened as he finally replied to her. “I was just asking if you needed me around today for anything. Or if it’s okay if I leave.”

Kip sipped his coffee, eyeing Penelope for a moment. She had done so much for him that he never asked for, just because they were friends and she lived close by, and was one of the people he trusted the most, knowing their shared background and the work they’d done together and everything. Penelope had been the first person Kip had called when he heard his shoulder required surgery, she was the one that made sure he got in and out of the hospital with this whole ordeal, and now she was here, caring for him when he had asked for none of it.

He finally shook his head again. “I think I can handle myself for a day. I don’t feel worse than before today.”

“Which reminds me,” Penelope spoke up, walking back into the living room for a moment. Kip raised a brow at her as she re-emerged into the kitchen, but his face twisted into a little smile as he watched Penelope slide his pillbox across the kitchen island towards him. “Your meds. Remember to take them.”

Lowering the coffee cup from his hand Kip pulled the pillbox closer, struggling a little to open the correct container with one hand, eventually managing it on his own. He could feel Penelope’s eyes burning holes to the top of his head as she watched him wrestle with the small box, but it was obvious that she wasn’t going to step in before Kip asked her to. She knew he was slowly learning to do things like this on his own, and that she just needed to give him time with them.

“What would I do without you,” Kip sighed with a smile tucking in the corner of his lips as he finally observed the pill he managed to free from its plastic prison, popping it into his mouth, drinking it down with the coffee he had at hand. Penelope just rolled her eyes at him a little, but couldn’t help but to smile. “Well, today you have to figure it out. I’m heading out with Kris.”

Kip nodded, hand reaching for the pillbox again as he snapped the lid of the container shut, handing it back to Penelope. She knew where to store it and how to fill it better than he did, though Kip would eventually have to learn that as well.

“Shopping trip with the girls?”

Penelope grabbed the pillbox from him, Kip being sure he saw a soft blush crossing her cheeks as she giggled a little. “More like A Date with The Girl.”

Her enthusiasm was so obvious with the emphasis she put on her words that Kip couldn’t help but to smile at her, watching Penelope twirl a coil of her hair around her finger as she proceeded to leave the kitchen again to handle her business with the pillbox. His happiness for her was short lived unfortunately, as Kip could feel the by now way too familiar scratching on his throat again all of a sudden, only this time even stronger than at any point this morning so far. It almost felt like something was trying to make its way forcefully out of him, like sharp nails scraping against the walls of his lungs, ripping them to pieces.

And then the doorbell rang.

Penelope quickly showed back up to the doorway, Kip trying to hide the sudden struggle to breathe as she beamed at him, obviously very happy about her upcoming day.

“That’s probably Kris. I’ll see you later, text me if you need anything, I can stop by when I’m heading back home.”

Kip just nodded back at her with a small thumbs up, trying to keep on a false smile as he tried to hold the coughs back. He watched Penelope leave the doorway, disappearing from his view again, and as soon as she did, Kip sprung up on his feet, almost throwing himself to the sink as a wave of petals forcefully made its way out of him through his mouth. Gasping for air between a few small waves of rose petals exiting him, he leaned against the kitchen sink, barely keeping himself up on his feet, feeling like the air had been completely punched out of him.

Wiping a shaky hand over his face, Kip tried to take a deep breath as he closed his eyes, the burning worse than it had been since the first time he had vomited the petals out that night in the hospital. He could feel the sweat on his forehead and tears stinging in the corners of his eyes, reminding himself much of the worst hangovers of some of his younger years. And yet, somehow, this was nothing like that and far worse than anything he had ever experienced at the same time.

“Kip?”

He slowly straightened up, holding himself up against the sink with one hand, turning around to lean back against it. Opening his eyes Kip looked across the room back at Penelope, the worry and confusion clearly written on her face, though Kip was definitely quick to reflect that same emotion back at her, having thought that she had already left.

“Are, are you okay?”

Kip just waved his hand a little, offering her a weak smile. It probably wasn’t very convincing, but it was the best he could do at the moment, to give her a small amount of peace of mind if nothing else.

“I… I don’t think the painkillers are still sitting very well with me today.” He inhaled deeply, finally getting some air into his lungs that didn’t burn, surprisingly enough considering how different the situation had just been mere seconds ago. “But I thought you left.”

“Well, yeah, Kris is outside.” Kip’s eyes narrowed a little, brows furrowing in confusion. “But, uh, there is… Someone here to see you.”

Before Kip could ask, Penelope stepped a bit deeper into the kitchen, leaving the doorway open for a brief moment before another figure stepped through it. Upon seeing the man enter the kitchen, his kitchen in his house, Kip could feel something tightening in his chest as his fingers grasped onto the edge of the sink behind him just a little bit tighter. No, this time it certainly wasn’t his lungs filling up with rose petals to the point of nearly bursting out of him.

This ache was coming straight from his heart upon seeing the slightly awkward Chuck Taylor standing just a few feet away from him.

Kip didn’t register his greeting, only saw Chuck slightly wave his hand at him. Kip’s eyes shot over to Penelope, clearly begging for help as he wasn’t sure at all how to handle the situation that had suddenly evolved around him, which she thankfully understood as she walked up to him, Kip mentally letting out a sigh of relief watching her walk around the kitchen island to the side where she couldn’t possibly see the content in the kitchen sink. The last thing he wanted to do right now was to explain to her why he had gotten sick with odd colored rose petals.

“What is he doing here?” Kip whispered, eyes darting between Penelope and Chuck, despite knowing how awfully clear it made it in this situation that the other man in the room was the topic of their secretive conversation. Chuck just avoided eye contact, almost pretending that he wasn’t there as the two blonds continued their whispering, just looking around the kitchen walls as if he found them extremely interesting.

“Kris drove him here. He said he wanted to see you, insisted even. Talked about some apology or something.”

Kip’s brain was reeling, putting the pieces together slowly. He hadn’t heard anything back from Chuck since he had gotten back from the hospital and replied to the other man’s initial message, having just been left on read. Kip honestly hadn’t expected anything more out of that offer, just assuming in the moment of Chuck hearing that he was going into surgery and holding himself responsible for it, he crumbled and sent the message.

This was the last thing Kip would have expected him to do, and even less so Chuck being the one doing it, especially without Kip asking for that help he was offering.

“Do you want me to chase him out?”

Kip’s widened eyes finally landed back onto Penelope, it dawning on him that he never actually told her that Chuck had reached out to him about the surgery. Maybe it was given, considering how Kip had ended up there and how basically everyone had messaged him about it around that time, so it wouldn’t be as odd to think that Chuck did it too.

Maybe Kip was the only one making it odd and awkward by thinking that it was.

Especially as in the moment he also realized that he never told Penelope that he might have real feelings for Chuck, either.

“Kip?” He blinked at her, but didn’t respond. “I really gotta go, Kris is waiting outside. Just a word and I’ll drag him out with me.”

Kip slowly shook his head, his mind still spinning as he was trying to put the whole situation together. He wasn’t sure if this was a good idea, to keep Chuck at arms reach like this especially if they were going to be alone with just the two of them, but at the same time something was telling Kip that he needed to do this. For the sake of his own sanity, if nothing else.

For the sake of… Whatever this thing was that was wrong with him, as he couldn’t shake off the feeling that all of this was related somehow. And this was as good of an opportunity as any, at least in his mind right then, to try to get at least a little bit closer to some answers. And Chuck himself, for that matter.

“It’s… It’s fine,” Kip finally spoke up, eyes traveling from Penelope to Chuck, who still tried to look interested in anything else in the kitchen than the two of them. A small smile tucked the corner of Kip’s lips, Penelope without a doubt noticing it too as she remained silent, but her eyes surrounded by the perfectly done makeup narrowed slightly. “I’ll see what he wants. I think I can handle it.”

“…Are you sure?” Kip turned back towards her, seeing a real flash of worry in Penelope’s eyes. “After what happened and he… You know.”

Kip watched Penelope motion towards his arm hanging on the sling, the girl biting her lip a little as she was trying to be careful about choosing her next words correctly. “After all of this, are you sure you want to be alone with him?”

He wanted to laugh, but held the sound back, just smiling at Penelope a little, hoping it would melt off at least some of her concerns. They were valid points, Kip admitted that, even if Penelope already knew that what had happened to Kip wasn’t Chuck’s fault in the slightest.

“It’s Chuck Taylor. He wouldn’t hurt an already injured man. It’s all good.”

Penelope clearly wasn’t still entirely convinced of this, but she knew better than to stall the inevitable and continue to debate this with Kip, so instead she just gave a little pat on his healthy arm, offering him a smile. “Just… If he tries anything or you need help, just let me know, okay? I’ll –”

“It’s okay. You go enjoy the day with Kris. Don’t worry about me.”

She honestly wanted to fight him on it, but the smile Kip returned to her made Penelope drop the topic. With a sigh she turned on her heels, eyes landing on Chuck as she approached him on her way out of the kitchen, nudging him closer by tucking the sleeve of his shirt, whispering something to him that Kip couldn’t hear. He could have sworn he saw a quick flash of almost fear in Chuck’s eyes though, making it fairly obvious what sort of words Penelope was giving to him. Chuck just nodded before Penelope let him go, the blonde sending Kip a quick look and a nod before she exited the kitchen, leaving the two men awkwardly standing there as Chuck slowly looked at Kip from across the kitchen island as they both could hear the front door of the house being closed.

“Uh… Hi?”

Chuck waved an awkward hand at him again, Kip forcing a small smile on his lips as he shook his head a little. He honestly felt a little bad for lying to Penelope, as he had no actual idea what it would be like when they were left alone together with just the two of them with Chuck, Kip just assumed that the other man was as well-behaved as he had convinced to himself that Chuck was. After all, there was never an actual intention to hurt Kip, the way things had happened was just an unfortunate coincidence.

“Would you like some coffee?” Kip tried to offer him a smile, motioning towards the coffee maker on the counter next to him with his free hand. Chuck glanced over at it, nodding his head a little, though he was clearly hesitant. Kip returned the gesture, turning on his heels to reach for a coffee cup on the dish drying rack next to the sink before walking over to the coffee maker. Only then it seemed to click in Chuck’s mind that he was basically asking a one armed man for some awkward hospitality, even if it was in his own house, making him quickly round the kitchen island to the coffee maker.

“I got it, I got it,” Kip just smiled at him, Chuck stopping next to him to observe as Kip poured coffee into the cup, easily sliding the coffee pot back into its original place afterwards. “Just because I’m one arm short doesn’t mean I’m completely incapable.”

“I-I know, I was just--”

“Don’t worry about it.” Kip shook his head, trying to keep the smile on his face despite the awkward feel of the moment. He couldn’t get on Chuck’s nerves now, Kip had to remind himself that Chuck was just here to help. To apologize. He was here to make peace, and Kip didn’t need to treat him like the villain of this story that he definitely even wasn’t.

Pushing the thoughts aside from his mind, Kip reached over to the kitchen island, picking the coffee cup he used before into his hand, finishing the coffee in it before pouring himself a new cup. At this point it was more of a formality to keep his hands occupied and hopefully to make Chuck feel a little less awkward than he would be if he was the only one around enjoying a drink, than Kip actually needing another cup of caffeine to get him started on the day.

With Kip taking the charge, he led the two of them out of the kitchen and into the living room, motioning Chuck to take a seat on the couch. Kip wasn’t sure how long he had planned this visit to last, as Penelope had only mentioned that Chuck was here to present him with an apology of some sort. Kip already had a pretty good idea what he was about, the texts he had received from Chuck on the day of his surgery were permanently burned into his mind, and they hadn’t talked about it since Kip had sent him an acknowledging response a day later.

“So how are things?”

Kip looked at Chuck, shrugging a little as he sipped on his coffee.

“You don’t look terrible,” Chuck continued before the silence could linger around them for longer, making anything he said sound desperate and more awkward than it already was. “I mean. For someone who had surgery only like a week ago. Sorry.”

Kip shook his head with a soft chuckle. “Don’t worry, that’s still nicer than anything Penelope has told me all week.”

Chuck hummed a little in response before focusing more on his coffee, but Kip was certain he could see a little smile twitching in the corner of his lips before they disappeared behind the cup. Which was a relief to him, knowing that at least his little quip was funny enough to ease some of the clear tension in the living room. He was getting a good grade in being a good host today.

“Speaking of Penelope.” Kip raised a brow at the sudden direction the conversation was taking, him having not expected it, especially being told earlier what Chuck was here for. “She spends a lot of time here these days, huh?”

Kip’s eyes narrowed a little, him not really liking the tone that such a question was presented to him with, as usually people asking about the relationship between him and Penelope thought there was something more than genuine friendship going on there. Kip would have thought especially Chuck would know better than to ask such questions, him being friends with Kris and all who could have easily told him the true nature of things.

Besides, Kip absolutely did not want Chuck to have the wrong idea about the things that were going on with him and Penelope.

“She’s the one friend that lives close enough to help me out, with, you know, all of this.” Kip motioned at his arm hanging on the sling, watching Chuck nod back to him. “���And you do know she’s dating Kris, right? You’re friends with her, if someone should know, it should be you.”

“Yeah, I know, I know,” Chuck muttered, taking another sip of his coffee. “Just… Looking out for her, you know?”

Kip was really hoping that wasn’t actually all Chuck was trying to achieve with that line of questioning, but he remained quiet, both men just focusing on their coffee as the silence finally fell into the living room. Probably with anyone else Kip would have found the silence comfortable, but with Chuck around like this all of a sudden, with minimal explanation on what he was actually doing here after everything, it was just making Kip a bit uneasy. He wasn’t going to push the issue at least immediately, in hopes that he wouldn’t annoy Chuck too much.

Kip finally had some alone time with him. He hadn’t seen Chuck in person for a week and a half, and before that they didn’t spend time together outside of a few rare occasions when they were somewhere with a group of other people. And now he was here, sitting on his couch, drinking his coffee out of one of his coffee mugs, observing his decor in his living room. It was more than Kip had ever asked for, more than he had ever hoped for, and quite honestly with how things had been going the past week, it was something Kip desperately needed.

Having Chuck Taylor in such a close proximity as this was the chance Kip needed in hopes of trying to make all of this right. To make all of this make sense.

“But really though,” Chuck’s voice finally broke the silence again after a moment, almost startling Kip out of his thoughts. “How are you doing? It can’t be easy to deal with everything with one arm.”

“No, not really. Especially when it’s your non-dominant arm.”

Chuck winced a little at the mere thought, Kip just carefully shrugging one shoulder. “Yeah, it sucks, but what can you do. It could be worse, I could have no arms.”

“That would really be the worst case possible, huh?”

Kip chuckled at him, humming a little as he sipped on his coffee again. This seemed to be going well now, at least by his standards. Being able to just joke around like this with someone other than Penelope despite his current condition was refreshing, usually Kip had to deal with people wanting to talk about this topic more seriously than he did. Sure, it was a rather serious situation, he wouldn’t have required surgery otherwise, but that didn’t mean he needed to be all grave and gloom about it at all times. And at least Chuck was throwing that mentality back at him even a little bit, which Kip just found kind of nice.

“I’d imagine you get bored easily, dealing with all of this. Not really being able to do anything and all.”

“Sometimes,” Kip muttered, eyes almost on instinct landing on the tv remote on the coffee table. “Especially if I don’t have any company. You can’t really play games or something with just one hand, so I just end up watching a lot of things. I can’t tell you the amount of shows I’ve binged in the past week alone compared to maybe the rest of my entire life.”

Chuck nodded, silently pondering over his words, Kip picking it up as a sign to continue. “You just kind of realize how used you are to having two functional arms and how much easier even simple household activities are. Cooking is so much easier when you can lift a pot full of water with both hands. Showering feels incredible when you don’t have to be extra careful about your cuts and stitches. Being awake without having to take painkillers, let alone sleeping through the entire night without waking up to excruciating pain… You know what I mean.”

“Yeah…” Chuck’s voice drifted off, Kip stealing a curious glance towards him. Chuck was staring at the bottom of his coffee cup, clearly contemplating on something, and Kip was slightly worried about being able to decipher a look of distress on his face. Kip almost wanted to ask him about it, but thought better of it, not wanting to derail this relatively relaxed conversation to whatever else was in Chuck’s mind. Unfortunately for him, Chuck had other thoughts, as he slowly shook his head, inhaling sharply, Kip’s eyes shooting towards him almost a little bit too quickly.

“Listen, I…” His voice was quiet, Chuck stopping to think again for a moment, not bearing to look back at Kip who he most definitely felt staring at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I never meant to hurt you like that. I’m so sorry about everything that happened.”

His words registered pretty fast, but it still took a moment in Kip’s mind to connect everything together. Biting his lip his eyes shot away from the other man, mentally beating himself up for whatever he said that brought up this topic so suddenly. Kip had wanted to avoid talking about this for as long as possible, of course the moment Penelope had said that Chuck wanted to apologize for something Kip knew this was eventually going to be talked about, but they were having such a nice time just moments before. They were just having a regular conversation, a thing that they rarely ever did together, and it all just felt so nice at least to Kip.

Most importantly right now though, Kip needed to tell him the truth. Chuck still clearly lived with the belief that he had caused all of this, that Kip’s injury was his fault and that it all happened because of the bump he had initiated, even if it was under mutual understanding and agreement. Kip hadn’t talked about it with him so far, having avoided saying anything about it, in texts or in person, kind of just hoping that it wasn’t being brought up. When Chuck had said in the initial text messages that he was sorry, Kip had honestly thought that that was it, especially since they didn’t talk about it after that in the past week at all. Well, they hadn’t talked at all in the past few days to be honest, but that had just solidified it in Kip’s mind that this conversation was over before it even happened to begin with.

Unfortunately for him, he was wrong about it. And now Kip needed to deal with it, and probably face the consequences of not telling Chuck the truth immediately, having left him to live with the regret of causing this much pain and suffering to Kip up until this point. All he needed was to tell Chuck the truth, to be honest about it, to just say it wasn’t his fault. That’s all Kip needed to do.

“It’s…”

Tell him the truth.

“It’s fine. Accidents happen.”

Fuck.

Chuck nodded, somehow looking even more discouraged than he did before. Kip knew exactly why, but he couldn’t bring himself to correct his words.

The only thought in his mind was that if he told Chuck the truth, he would just walk away from him. Just like how he had left Kip on read for a week after reaching out to him when Kip had told him that surgery went well and everything was okay, Kip was afraid that Chuck would leave him now if he knew this wasn’t actually his fault.

It was just a little white lie, and if it was giving Kip a chance to spend time with Chuck, to maybe fix this entire thing, it was worth it all to him.

Almost on cue at the thought, Kip felt a familiar scratching in his throat. Almost as if it was mocking him, making fun of Kip for not being able to tell Chuck what was really going on. The shame gnawing on him on the inside, Kip tried his best to push the feeling aside, letting out a quiet cough, hoping it would help with the growing burning in his lungs.

“It could have happened to anyone. It’s the risk we take.”

Chuck didn’t reply back to him, but he was in deep thought, processing Kip’s words. Kip tried to hold himself back from explaining any further, not wanting to make things sound any worse than they probably already were in Chuck’s mind, him thinking that all this really was his fault. It could lead into something in this scenario that Kip didn’t want, expose his lies or drag him down deeper than he wanted to go with this whole thing, at least for the time being. Maybe eventually he was ready to tell Chuck the truth, if it even mattered at that point anymore.

The honest truth right now was that the less Chuck knew, the better chances Kip had at keeping him close by. And the closer Chuck was to him, the easier it was for Kip to try to decipher this riddle he was living with that included rose petals coming out of his lungs every now and then, but especially when Kip was thinking about the man sitting next to him on the couch just a little bit too long.

He coughed again, watching from the corner of his eye as Chuck shot a quick look that almost resembled worry towards him.

“I’m fine,” Kip smiled a little at him, coughing again. It was getting worse, he could feel it, so Kip quickly pushed himself up on his feet. He could never quite predict when or how forcefully the petals would be pushing out of him, so the sooner he got out of sight before it happened, the better. “I’m just going to get some water. Do you need anything from the kitchen?”

Chuck shook his head slowly, watching as Kip spun around on his heels, making his hurried exit from the living room and into the kitchen. He was barely able to make it back to the sink as he coughed again, loudly and almost violently as the purple tinted petals he was so used to by now appeared again, landing to the bottom of the kitchen sink where the previous pile was still waiting to be cleaned up. Kip tried to keep the noises down, not wanting to draw attention to himself and his condition, knowing how difficult it would be to explain. He struggled with it himself, he had not told Penelope about it, Chuck was the last person Kip wanted to know anything. Especially if this was all caused by him, indirectly or not, as Kip had thought all this occurred.

Kip straightened himself up against the sink, glancing over his shoulder towards the doorway, being quietly thankful that he found it empty. He was worried that Chuck would follow him, especially after the wretched noises Kip was making, just to check on him, but apparently he wasn’t loud enough. That, or Chuck just didn’t care about them, which was a thought Kip immediately pushed away as he could feel it causing more burning in his throat, not wanting to deal with another wave of petals.

He ran the faucet, waiting for the water to turn cold, watching as the flowing water grabbed some of the petals from the sink to play around with. Kip found it odd that every time they got out of him, the petals were almost in near perfect condition – he had never seen one that was torn up, they were almost all identical and symmetrical to one another as far as he had compared, and every time they were almost like freshly plucked straight from a flower. Kip never threw up anything else when the petals exited his body, it was almost like they came from a completely different source than anything else a normal human being would be throwing up.

And as they swirled around in the sink while Kip reached his coffee cup underneath the running water, he thought that in all this time he had never seen one wither away no matter how much time passed. He still had some in the trash from earlier in the week and they still looked exactly the same, hell he kept one petal to examine it later from the first night he threw them up in the hospital, and it remained unchanged since then.

Pulling the coffee cup back to himself, now filled with water, Kip took a sip from it, feeling it make him feel slightly better. The back of his throat was still burning, he could feel the scratching somewhere in his chest, but after ejecting some of the petals again the feeling was milder than before. That’s how it always went, Kip had learned that much. It was one of the two things he could count on, the other one being that somehow whenever his mind wandered off to Chuck, these things started to happen. He understood the connection from what he had been able to discover about this condition, but it still baffled Kip that this could happen in the first place.

Finishing the cup of water Kip poured himself another one, returning to the living room. Before he could get there though, he stopped in the doorway, hearing Chuck talking to someone. Staying out of sight on the side of the kitchen, Kip peeped into the living room carefully, hoping Chuck wasn’t able to see him, spotting the brunet still sitting on the couch, now with his phone pressed against his ear.

“Yeah man, I think I have to stay here for a while.”

Kip’s brows furrowed but he remained silent, his heart doing an extra lap as he realized Chuck’s words. Him? Stay? Here?

“Listen, I don’t really like it either, but… I kinda did promise him that if he needed something, I would be there, since… You know.”

Kip leaned against the door frame, pulling his head back into the kitchen, just sipping on his water and listening. Chuck was right, he had promised that after all. Kip hadn’t said anything about needing help or company today, but apparently Chuck had decided that he needed it. Which Kip was thankful for, more ways than he could express or actually say out loud, honestly.

“Just for today. Look-- Trent, let me finish. I’m just gonna keep him company today, okay? We can do stuff tomorrow. I promise.”

Kip nodded to himself, pushing himself off from the door frame before he inhaled deeply, walking back into the living room as if nothing had happened and he hadn’t heard anything just now. He just smiled at Chuck, who quickly got off the phone as the Brit arrived back, taking a seat on the couch. Kip sipped on his water, not wanting to directly jump into asking Chuck about the call to expose himself as a filthy eavesdropper, but at the same time Kip didn’t really know where to take the conversation from here.

“So uh.” Kip glanced at Chuck, watching the man just shrug a little as his hand reached for the remote on the coffee table, Kip raising a questioning brow at him. “Would you like to… I dunno, hang out or something? Since Penelope isn’t here, so you don’t get bored or whatever.”

Kip took another sip of his water, almost pretending to ponder over the question for a while as Chuck turned the television on without waiting for his answer, surfing through the channels to try to find something interesting enough for both of them to busy themselves with. Of course Kip wanted him around, it had been the only thing he had been thinking about since Chuck showed up unannounced earlier. He was the key to all of this after all, and even if he wasn’t, Kip would be lying if he said that he didn’t want this chance to be around Chuck today. Or any chance that ever presented itself for them to hang out, really.

“Since you’re already here, why not.” Kip kicked himself mentally for trying to sound almost too nonchalant about it. The last thing he needed was to give Chuck the wrong idea about how much he actually wanted him to be there. He had to find the perfect balance, just enough to make sure Chuck knew Kip wanted him, but also that Chuck didn’t know that Kip wanted him. He needed to make that connection, but not ruin it with his over enthusiasm so he wouldn’t preemptively ruin it all. “I also have some games I think you might be interested in.”

Chuck nodded, watching Kip lower the coffee cup from his hand before motioning towards the tv stand and the cabinets underneath it to emphasize his point. As Chuck stood from the couch to check out the selection Kip spoke about, the Brit allowed himself to sink into his own thoughts for a brief moment, trying to convince himself that this was a good idea.

This was what he needed. This was the breakthrough he had been looking for. Chuck Taylor was right there, within his grasp, and all Kip needed to do from this point forward was to make sure that Chuck fell madly in love with him.

[kaizsche]

hi, everyone!! this is my ao3 wrapped! (i for real almost forgot to post this... sorry i haven't been writing/posting lately, i've been busy with events here and i'm working as a cleaner/typesetter for a scanlation team! we are quite understaffed and have multiple projects to work on so...🥺🥺)

How many words have you written this year?

92,601k!!!  (excluding my wips) wtf i wrote A LOT??

How many works did you publish this year?

31 aiuhdiagdadad

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

easy. skuld’s net - that one shot came to me so suddenly and i wrote it for 3 days straight w/o no breaks whatsoever!!!

What work of yours has the most hits?

my star wars one shot fic - the july writing challenge i believe is at 6,544 hits

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

my first ever tvd fic, the one inspired by arctic monkey’s 505. 

Favorite title you used

in the art of flaw, the bridgerton au fic (shoutout to my friend who helped me make it cause im not exactly great at titles lmao

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

young the giant!!! their songs are just *chef's kiss*

Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

this is such an obvious question if you frequently visit my blog. Elejah and klena!!!!!1

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

elejah is a ship i’d die for but i think i love writing finnlena the most cause they’re sooo in tune with one another. at least i think they would’ve been if esther did not manipulate him. (i just love finn okay. cause he's so underappreciated?)

What work was the quickest to write?

skuld’s net (a klena fic) i wrote that thing for 3 effin days straight, looped lany’s 13 over and over and over again. (i wasnt aware of his allegations that time so…)

What work took you the longest to write?

in terms of published fics, i think it’s take my breath. it was created on oct 19 then i picked it up a maybe 2-3 weeks ago? then posted it on dec 4 so yeah

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

i lost count. there is just too many of them.

What’s your longest work of the year?

the one shot fic writing challenge.

What’s your shortest work of the year?

It’s a lil fic which idea i got from a prompt generator in tumblr - i was quite new back then so i thought that maybe participating in it won’t hurt me. It’s called 709 which is inspired by one of my wips wherein elena returned to the past after death and tried to change her life.

What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

Oh boy, OH BOY this is a long list. I’ll be taking them all with me but the most noteworthy wips would have to be my princess diaries au and the miracle baby au fic for elejah + the elena & katherine time travel fic

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Probably unedited as hell and kol is a little shit

Your favorite character to write this year?

I think finn. his character in canon is just so unexplored (i haven’t watched the originals so…) and it’s so, so fun to explore his character and adding more to his background.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

I feel... elijah? Cause i am most certainly not as eloquent as he is with words, so i usually find it hard to write his dialogues and stuff in my fics. (but honestly, i have a hard time with all mikaelsons lmfao)

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

I want to explore more of wyler!! (wednesday x tyler) since i’ve just recently joined the fandom and have four wips in my drafts already.

Which work of yours have you reread the most?

I think i have an almost unhealthy obsession with re-reading my work. But it definitely has to be heaven help the fool who falls in love like… i love re-exploring my old ideas (and also wondering where that ‘writer me’ in that era went (cause i literally had to write every single day and not miss a single one whilst delivering good pieces was beyond me.)

How many kudos in total did you get this year?

I’ve got 1,812!

Which work has the most comments?

with 100 comment threads, it’s not at all surprising that its my may writing challenge tvd fic

Did you do any collaborative works this year?

I don’t think i did?

Did you write any gifts this year?

i did for the wyler secret santa event and one for @qvnthesia

Did you receive any gifts this year?

@qvnthesia and i are exchanging fics later this month, so yep! I’m quite excited for that!

What’s your most common category?

easy. f/m

What do you listen to while writing?

I made spotify playlists for each of my pairings, actually. so when i write for a specific ship like klena - i usually turn the volume up for some good ol 505.

Favorite work you wrote this year?

the love of a doppelganger. there’s just something about this fic that i can’t put into words. (it’s my finnlena one) i think it’s about the prospect of giving finn’s character a second chance whilst shedding light as to why his decisions, and his siblings had came to the point of, well, daggering him.

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Oh my gosh, as a person whohas short term memory this question is quite hard to answer. Lol. but this line just IDK IT MAKES ME FEEL A CERTAIN WAY, OKAY?!

“You will learn to love me just as you have loved Anakin Skywalker.” He breathes, a promise dressed in the trappings of a threat.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

What honestly surprised me the most is what the tvd fandom did to me, tbh. i’ve been writing fics since 2017, but i’ve never been much hyperfixated like i was with tvd – i think that it also helped me that the fandom has an active community, AND tight-knitted as well we even have a discord server and follow each other on tumblr. So, yeah. I basically not only owe it to the wonderful TVD character (sans the salvatores, thank you.) but also to the people that inspired me, supported me and cheered me on with my fics! (i’m looking at you, @sunless-garden, @qvnthesia,  @wazman, @katherineholmes, @amandamonroe, @finnismyoriginalsin, @sevensistersofsussex, and everyone else!!

[wyn-n-tonic]

I posted 4,903 times in 2022

2,333 posts created (48%)

2,570 posts reblogged (52%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@thiagodasilva

@justanotherblonde23

@dashavau

@grandmafc

@wyn-n-tonic

I tagged 3,509 of my posts in 2022

Only 28% of my posts had no tags

#ask o - 739 posts

#wm2022 - 98 posts

#wc2022 - 98 posts

#ask games - 66 posts

#keep sending me benny stuff i love it - 63 posts

#✨pedro✨ - 62 posts

#pedro pascal - 50 posts

#lovely things - 45 posts

#footy things n that - 37 posts

#scream - 36 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#lfc membership entitles you to go to every lfc women's game for free but nobody bothers because the stadium is in an inconvenient location

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Play

Word Count: IDK, I wrote this in drafts. Pairing: Marcus Moreno x f!reader Warnings: PiV. First time together. Oral (f receiving). A/N: Can't stop thinking about him.

"Telling me to relax isn't helping, Marcus."

His flexes at the base of your skull, his grip on your hair loosening. "I didn't tell you to relax, sweetheart." His words ghost across your skin. "I asked very nicely if you could relax for me, please."

"I need you to go slower." He already spent time opening you up. Between his tongue and his fingers, it shouldn't be this difficult. But when his pants came off, your body went back to square one.

"I'm already going as slow as I can."

"Then I need you to stop," you breathe out.

He lets go, nodding into your neck as he reaches down and slowly pulls himself--what fit, anyway--out of you. The relief is instant but emptiness you feel now goes deeper than he ever got.

"We need more foreplay," he tells you. Excited. Like your arousal is a science experiment and it's missing the ingredient that makes the final product so satisfying.

134 notes - Posted March 13, 2022

#4

me, the first time i watched Triple Frontier: this is so bad. me, now: this is my favorite movie. it is literally a work of art. sloppy art, but art.

255 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

#3

Sacred Oasis

Word Count: 3.6k+ Pairing: Rhett Abbott x f!reader (established relationship) Warnings: Drinking and driving (not really though). Unprotected sex. Blink and you miss it knifeplay. Angsty boy Rhett Abbott Author's Note: "Heard you weren't doing anymore x reader fics, O." Yeah, but a bitch is down bad so forgive me, father, because I am SINNING.

If you want more of these two, please check here: Beautiful and Shiny.

Ao3

Music’s too loud.

Between the alcohol and the social interaction, the music became a blaring siren in your mind, beat increasing in frequency until it signaled time to go.

Walking to the bar to settle up, you stop, staring at the unmistakable back of Rhett. Last time you saw him, he was over by the jukebox. You’re half certain he was the one feeding the machine and the music, knowing exactly what gets under your skin and all.

Bar’s surface is small and he’s sitting dead in the middle, head bent over his beer or his phone. Hell, it’s late enough now that he’s probably moved onto tequila. Or whiskey. Or some deadly combination of both that’ll see him pissing on the side of the road because home’s just too far away. 

See the full post

385 notes - Posted September 6, 2022

#2

Coin Toss

Word Count: ja;jakdsjfalskj Pairing: Robert 'Bob' Floyd/f!reader Warnings: Oral sex (f!receiving). Fingering. Author's Note: Blame @green-socks. This is also in answer to a prompt I received a couple of weeks ago!

Khaki might as well be a camouflage of its own with the way he lets it shrink him. The first time he said hello might as well have been a whisper for how loud everybody else was. You walked past him, uncapping beers and taking cash in return. He turned back to his friends, the ones who had encouraged him to pluck up, and realized he couldn’t let them win with their laughter and sly smiles.

So he said it again, louder, as his broad shoulders almost expanded. Because there’s a difference between curious, quiet Bob and confident, quiet Bob.

516 notes - Posted September 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

You All Over Me

Word Count: 2k+ Pairing: Bob Floyd/f!reader Warnings: It's mature but not explicit. Def unprotected PiV. Author's Note: I'm not the biggest fan of reading xreader fic anymore for various reasons but when you're beloved @green-socks requests some, you simply have to give in. No proofreading, we die like men.

Big.

God, you forget just how big he is when he’s gone.

Six feet, broad shoulders and thick arms. You’re watching him unpack across the room, capable hands working to separate piles of clothes, folding the clean and throwing the dirty into the hamper to the side of the dresser.

The sleeves of his t-shirt tighten around his bicep as he picks the pile of folded shirts up and bends down to quietly pull the drawer open. His glasses are off, hair wet and unkempt, long in the way that suggests he missed a chance to clean up at least the back and sides before heading to the airport.

See the full post

664 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[caixxa]

I posted 5,037 times in 2022

321 posts created (6%)

4,716 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@coffeeandgunpowder

@keysmashery

@gingervivilou

@torillatavataan

@violasmirabiles

I tagged 2,888 of my posts in 2022

Only 43% of my posts had no tags

#fic - 211 posts

#hockey rpf - 121 posts

#cinema - 119 posts

#suomi - 111 posts

#answered - 100 posts

#asks - 100 posts

#ask game - 83 posts

#long post - 75 posts

#music - 71 posts

#ao3 - 60 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#not even looking at the notes to see the but but i love makeup yeah you can love makeup and do it not everyone has the same interest and tim

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Janne Ahonen got bronze in the Finnish championships. Send him to the Olympics pls.

22 notes - Posted January 16, 2022

#4

July 18th! Miro Heiskanen's birthday!

To celebrate, I will start posting a new 5-chapter fic, one chapter a day through this week.

I'll post around lunchtime in Finland, which means that for American readers, a new update should be waiting for you like a morning paper fresh from print when you wake up.

Yes, it's a Helsinki spin-off of my Oulu summer fic Summer Kisses but it's an independent story and can be read as a standalone.

22 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

#3

Katso Козаки | Пороблено в Украине, пародия 2014 YouTubessa

Something light in a horrific situation:

7 years ago, Volodymyr Zelensky danced in heels and latex for a parody video of an Ukrainian boy band on TV.

As if we didn't have mad respect for the president of Ukraine based on his leadership in fighting back the Russian invasion, there's more proof that he's 💯 badass.

61 notes - Posted February 28, 2022

#2

I've been meaning to ask this for ages and your last post finally inspired me to do so.

So, if you don't mind: what would be some sweet pet names in Finnish? (something to the effect of darling/sweetheart/my love, if possible)

I cannot find many sweet ones online and I'm kinda getting desperate at this point...

Thanks in advance :)

Hi!

Glad you asked because I was just thinking that I might have to do a post about this.

Here are some off the top of my head:

Rakas (dear, loved - this is used both in addressing very close people like dear - rakas äiti, dear mom, and by itself when it has basically the same meaning as the next one ->)

Rakkaani (my love)

Kulta (literal meaning gold but this is the most usual pet name. I think it is used pretty much the same way as darling and sweetheart - it can also be used in a condescending way, lapsi kulta, child dear, has more the sound of a oh sweet summer child. But basically this would be your honey/darling/sweetheart)

The three above are the most usual ones, the ones below can be and are also used:

beibi, hani (literally the english words baby and honey, only written the way they would be written in finnish. Beibi can also be used in the same meaning as babe, referring to a cute, hot, desirable girl)

Muru (literally crumb, I think it's shortened from the next one ->)

Kullanmuru, kultamuru (gold crumb, for me the uses of these are closest to Sweetheart or sweetie)

Pupu, pupunen (bunny, (li'l) honeybunny - for people that you can see calling each other bunny. I get a feel that this could be easier used by a mother to a child than an adult couple to each other but, you know, if you're the type)

Tyypit, rakkaat, anyone, feel free to add your thoughts and suggestions!

82 notes - Posted March 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I want everyone to consider that the purity-anti-tendencies against any chosen part of fanfic contribute to broadening the platform for these tendencies overall. There is a parallel between the willingness to censor uncomfortable themes and tropes from Ao3 and the willingness to censor LGBTQ+ education from schools or ban books from public libraries. If you don't want the latter, do not contribute to the former.

Not every story is for everyone. Choose your reading, use the back button liberally but the abuse report button with great consideration.

Remember:

the author is not the same as their work

what would be illegal, for a reason, in the real world, is not illegal to imagine

the author that you wish to hurt for something they have created is a real living person; the characters in their fiction are not

155 notes - Posted April 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[recurring-polynya]

Hello Polynya! I wonder if you ever had a thought about this. Is there any interactions between Bleach chatacters that never been happened before that you're lowkey want to see so much? I mean, like the interaction that you think impossible to see since they literally have nothing to discuss lol. I'll share mine : 1) Ichigo - Isane (umm..they had an 'interaction' in SS arc. Yeah, Ichigo punched my girl Isane till she's collapsed 😭 But I'm hoping to see a better interaction between them in the future), 2) Orihime and Sternritter Girls (I'm kinda sure she and Meninas would get along well lol), 3) Byakuya - Uryuu (yeah they never interacted). I'd like to know yours!

I'm sorry, this is a thing that is utterly unappealing to me. The primary interest I have in characters is in their relationships with one another, in the heart born between them, so to speak. I respect the right of people who enjoy crackships, but I only enjoy them if there is an interesting narrative that brings them together. I tend to follow the entire Bleach tag on ao3, and I will often click on a fanfic that has a really wild pairing, just because I'm extremely curious as to how the author has come up with this, and in almost every case, it's just established relationship with no explanation whatsoever and I say, "Ah, this is not For Me," and gently hit "back."

I often desire to see two characters interact who are one step apart from one another and yet have never met--I would love a ChadIshi story where Uryuu somehow got to meet Chad's abuelo, for example. I enjoy writing Byakuya interacting with Matsumoto, because they're the most different people imaginable (aside from both being 10s), but they are both very fond of Hitsugaya. I spent several years obsessing about the parallels between Renji and Soujun (Byakuya's dad), before I finally found an excuse to write them in a fic together.

I guess I am also interested in characters who would have a good dynamic together. I accidentally wrote Byakuya and Yumichika interacting once, because it fit the story, and the result was one of the most delightful bits of dry, catty banter I have ever written. I also have a perverse love for Renji and Unohana interactions, primarily because he takes her ikebana class, but then I wrote an AU where he got (unwillingly) transferred to Squad 4, and after I thought about it for 3 seconds, their narrative juice was off the charts-- he just wants to heal his broken heart by learning to stab people, and he's just fallen into the hands of a captain whose special interests are both healing and stabbing. I got attached to Akon at some point, because I find him very relatable. I thought he and Rukia would get along together, so I slow-roll integrated him into my extremely long Renruki series, and now I stick him in lieutenant gatherings all the time. I do kind of crack-ship Hinamori and Isane, post-TYBW, but it's because I like the idea of Momo helping Isane overcome the loss of her beloved captain and realizing how far she herself has come.

Maybe the closest I have ever come to desiring a no-chemistry interaction is the fact that I always want Isane and Renji to hang out because they're both tall, but @bleachbleachbleach wrote a really excellent fanfic a few weeks ago that featured the two of them, and they made such a good pair of characters that I feel entirely validated.

I'm sorry, Anon, I did my best, but "they literally have nothing to discuss" is just about the best excuse I could come up with for why I don't care at all about a particular pair of characters.

[birbsandbats]

intro and fanfic links

Hiya! I’m Spee (she/her) and I write stuff. I got my start eons ago writing for the Star Wars fandom. After a long break, I’ve begun to write again focusing on the DC Comics universe, including the DC/White Collar (TV) crossover. I hope you enjoy!

Please carefully mind the Ao3 tags on all the below fics.

A Defense Mechanism -- A DC/White Collar crossover. Longfic.

Neal Caffrey is a nonviolent con who doesn’t care about breaking the law.

Before, he was Dick Grayson, a violent vigilante who did.

He's running from his past.

What will he do when the past comes to him?

Magic

Being Robin gives Jason magic.

Tim wants some of that magic, too.

For DC Dark Week Day 4--Interpersonal Dynamics

Deadman

Alfred Pennyworth waited.

He knew the man in the mask would come for him soon.

For DC Dark Week Day 2--Major Character Death

Golden Boy -- Part 1 of a ? part series

The first and last time Batman fires Dick Grayson as Robin, Dick is 13 years old.

He never comes back.

What does this mean for Dick's life--and Jason Todd's?

Day 6: Never returns after getting fired

One Spiteful Speedster — a DC/White Collar crossover

Peter Burke is about to learn what happens when he messes with Wally West's boyfriend. 

Training Day: Gotham City 911 Edition

“Could you at least help me out here? The mall is about to explode!”

“Meh. It’s gone downhill since the Macy’s closed,” Pilar said.

“Meh??” Eric sputtered. “How can you not take this seriously?”

“The Riddler isn’t even an A level villain anymore. I think you and Robin can handle him, newbie.”

or: Eric Richards knows nothing about Gotham City--which would be fine, if he weren't its newest 911 operator.

Watch This -- Part 1 of a ? part series

 Jim Gordon sighed into his club soda.

 He wasn’t a schmoozer. He didn’t like to schmooze. He was a cop, dammit, not some show pony to be trotted out by the city when they needed more funds or higher approval ratings. Yet here he was, at the seasonal GCPD/Wayne gala, shaking hands and kissing babies. Well, not literally the last part; there were no babies here. They cried through speeches and weren’t big into shrimp cocktail anyway.

 He liked to think his job was one of action, not politics, but who was he kidding? His fate had been sealed the moment he decided it would be cheaper to buy a tux than to keep renting.

or: Jim Gordon mingles with Bruce Wayne and his young ward at a gala. Later that night, he briefs Batman and Robin on the GCPD rooftop. He might notice some similarities.

Batgirl Fills Out the FAFSA

Dick did a little forehead wrinkle that, in Stephanie’s professional opinion as a bat, looked too adorably clueless for him to pass as Batman at the moment, despite being in the suit. “Right. I know what the FAFSA is. But why are you filling it out?”

Could…Dick be secretly dumb? Like, she knew he wasn’t the World’s Greatest Detective, or even the World’s Second Greatest Detective (an honor belonging to her ex), but she had pretty much assumed he was the Third.

Or: Stephanie is applying to colleges. Who knew that Bruce's emotional incompetence could make the process more tricky even when he's not there. Dick attempts to help out.

The Essential Arkham Asylum Playlist

"No!" Nightwing said. "It's just--and don't take this the wrong way--have you considered listening to something more, uh...cheerful?"

“Get the fuck out of my room."

Or: Naomi expected some weirdness when she checked herself into Arkham Lite™, but unconscious costumed vigilantes, visitors coming in through the windows, and critiques of her taste in music had not been on her list.

[damienthepious]

chewsdayyy. i am doing my best.

heart beats best in a bed (chapter 18)

[ch 1] [ch 2] [ch 3] [ch 4] [ch 5] [ch 6] [ch 7] [ch 8] [ch 9] [ch 10] [ch 11] [ch 12] [ch 13] [ch 14] [ch 15] [ch 16] [ch 17] [ao3] [ch 19] [???] [Rating: Mature Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien, Sir Damien/Rilla, Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla Characters: Sir Damien, Lord Arum, Rilla, (others? eventually?) Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Rivals With Benefits, (I CANT BELIEVE THAT WAS ALREADY A TAG THANK FUCK), Mutual Pining, Secret Relationship, Denial of Feelings, Alternate Universe, (it’s not ROLE reversal it’s like. RELATIONSHIP reversal), (the timing is fucked with), (who knows who first), Sex with Feelings, Relationship Negotiation, (i literally never know how to tag things), (some miscommunication and mild angst in the future), Pining While Fucking, Porn With Plot Summary: Sir Damien is a committed, dedicated knight with a shining record and spotless reputation. Barring, of course, his one minor indiscretion, his singular, secret exception. It does not bear mentioning, of course. The arrangement is purely practical, purely physical, utterly inconsequential, of course. It is not as if a monster would- could care for him in any meaningful way, after all. The idea is impossible; as impossible as the idea of Sir Damien possessing any feelings whatsoever for the monster in return. Chapter Summary: Rilla defends her position, Arum takes a nap, and Damien rethinks some things. Chapter Notes: Saints help me they're doing their best. I think. MAYBE. enjoy????? T.T

~

Rilla closes the exam room door behind her with a sigh, leaning back against it for a moment as she bites her lip.

"He okay?" Talfryn says, his voice hovering between nerves and sympathy, and Rilla manages a smile and a nod.

"He will be. I had him lie down for a bit, in the meantime."

"So," Marc says slowly as Tal nods, and Rilla's fingers twitch in automatic response to the unhidden slyness in his tone. "A patient?"

Rilla raises an eyebrow, shooting Marc the most derisive look she can muster as she comes back to the table.

"Obviously?"

"Huh," he says, deceptively light before he takes a sip of his coffee. "Interesting."

"Literally why would that be interesting," she says flatly, dropping herself unceremoniously back onto the cushions. "I get plenty of patients, Marc, you know this. The Exile thing doesn't scare them all off."

"Innnnteresting," Marc says again, not looking at her as he takes another sip, and Talfryn tunes in to the conversation enough to shoot his brother a puzzled look.

Rilla decides to try not responding at all. Just in case this is the miraculous first time that the tactic actually works. Marc hums into his coffee for maybe twelve more seconds before his eyes slip sideways and catch hers.

"Just another patient," Marc drawls, and Rilla tips her head back with a long-suffering sigh.

"Marc, I don't know where you're going with this but I really-"

"I don't think I've ever heard you sing for a patient before," Marc hums innocently. "Or - and maybe this is nothing, but - I don't think I've ever heard you call one sweetheart before, either." He grins like a snarling tiger when she stiffens and shoots him a look, and then he blows steam across his mug and murmurs, "Thin walls you got here, sis."

"You would know, you helped me build them," she retorts instantly, but she can feel heat in her cheeks as she snarks.

"Sweetheart?" Talfryn repeats, sounding baffled.

"We're- trying it out. Dating," she says simply, giving a light sort of shrug. "He's very sweet. Now, would you like to comment, Marc?"

"No comment," Marc says airily, looking at her sidelong. "No comment. It just seemed weird that you hadn't mentioned him. Y'know. At all."

"I met him less than two weeks ago, Marc."

"What's his name?" Talfryn says before Marc can continue teasing, and he sounds so earnestly curious that Rilla answers before she can think better of it.

"Damien," she says, a little startled when the name prompts a helpless sort of smile. She hides it behind her own coffee as best she can, feeling off-center and warm.

"Wait wait wait-" Marc shakes his head. "Damien- not Sir Damien, right?"

Except yes Sir Damien, actually, and when Rilla hesitates, Marc sputters an incredulous laugh.

"A knight? Oh come on, Rilla, the mortality rate-"

"Do not parrot my own damn statistics to me, Marc! Not when you're the one who-"

"And not only that! Not only that! Isn't that guy like, Sir fucking Absolon's little fucking sidekick? He-"

"Please stop yelling," Tal says, wincing hard, and Marc rolls his eyes but lowers his tone anyway.

"Some dude who managed to land himself the name the Pious isn't gonna be into you for any good reasons, of Exile," Marc says flatly, and Rilla barely resists the urge to throw a spoon at his head. "For all you know he's hanging around to investigate you in case the Crown thinks you've been left unbothered for too long!"

Rilla snorts, and then she bites her lip to try to keep from- but no, the laughter is something that's happening to her, not something she can tamp down on, and Marc and Tal raise their eyebrows with identical surprise (which honestly just sets her off more) as Rilla devolves into helpless giggling.

"Uh?" Tal tries as she gulps down air.

She waves a hand dismissively, a helpless attempt to wave off their- concern, questions, whatever else as she tries to get a handle on herself, and then she just gives up for a second and drops her forehead to the table, still snickering.

"Ooooohkay," Marc drawls, poorly feigning a lack of interest. "But you know it'd be rude not to explain the joke to us, right?"

Rilla nods, her forehead still pressed to the wood, and then she lifts her face and grins. "I mean. You weren't wrong, exactly. He was sent to spy on me. He was just... very, very, very very very bad at it."

"What the fuck." Marc stares at her, a very satisfying confusion on his face.

"Spy on you?" Talfryn echoes, and then he shoots a look towards the exam room door. "And you're... dating him?"

She shrugs. "He felt really bad about lying to me. He didn't even make it a day. Apparently the queen is thinking about lifting my Exile, or something?"

"What the fuck," Marc repeats, eyes widening.

"I mean... at this point, the whole Exile thing is a mild inconvenience at worst," she hedges, stirring her coffee and looking at the mug instead of at either of her brothers. "But, y'know, I don't know. It's unlikely, but if she does offer, I'll probably bite. For the hell of it."

It'll look better for Marc and Tal if their sort-of-sibling isn't Exiled while they're trying to earn themselves a knighthood, at least. Not that she's going to mention it. Not that they would ever mention it.

"That's-" Tal pauses. "Well. Congratulations, I think?"

"Congratulations, contingent," Marc says, the casual tone returning to his voice. "Contingent on whether your new boyfriend puts in a good word or not."

Rilla shoots him a frosty sort of look. "Not that it's any of your business, Marc, but we have already talked about that. Because he was worried about whether or not I felt pressured or like I needed to put up a front around him."

"That's... considerate of him," Talfryn says, pursing his lips.

"And I told him I could care less. The long and short of it was that he was just supposed to report me if I was like... doing witchcraft, y'know? It's not like either of us even know if his word will be the deciding factor, or whether the queen is gonna change her mind regardless. Who knows? I'm just not worried about it, and I'm not going to worry about it. And it has nothing to do with us." She pauses. "Me and him, I mean."

"But-" Marc starts, but Rilla shoots him a sharp look.

"And I'm just about done talking about him like he's not sleeping off a panic attack the next room over. If you've got a problem with him, you can air your grievances when he's awake to defend himself. Understood?"

Marc rolls his eyes again, but he does drop it, stuffing a honey-soaked roll into his mouth instead while Talfryn pivots them towards safer conversational waters.

~

After setting Damien safely off on his way, Arum-

Goes back to bed.

He did not exactly sleep well, the night previous. Or, rather- when he finally, finally did slip into slumber, it felt... it felt good, no point in denying that. Of course it did, curled around Damien's heat and content with the certainty of the poet's safety in his own arms, in his own bed, Arum felt so good that it nearly hurt. He only slept for perhaps two hours, but- that sleep was still some of the best he's managed in years.

That doesn't exactly do much for the more general exhaustion, unfortunately. And now, when Arum curls into his bed-

He can still smell the poet, but the sheets feel cold. He abandons that idea quickly, moving instead to the scroll room, curling on the mossy bench there, inhaling the scent of old parchment and trying to still his mind enough that he can find some rest.

(Sir Damien's eyes look honey-gold, in the sunrise)

He shakes himself. He pulls a scroll out to peruse at random, but he cannot seem to make his eyes focus on the words properly. He is too tired to concentrate. He is too unsettled to sleep. He-

(Damien's mouth on his scales, Damien's tongue, as if trying to lick the sunlight off of him)

When the Keep begins to sing for him, an old familiar lullaby, Arum pretends not to notice until the thick weight of magical slumber clouds the edges of his mind. He pretends to resist, as well, a weak protest on his lips, an insistence that he does not need-

The Keep only curls a blanket around his shoulders with a sympathetic song, and Arum can smell the lingering hint of feathers and ink as he fades to sleep.

~

When Rilla comes to fetch him and Damien emerges from the exam room (he assumes that Rilla allowed him the hour she prescribed, though he cannot tell the time himself in the dim, quiet room), his nerves instantly flutter again at the sharp sudden attention of the pair of men at Rilla's table.

It only lasts a moment, though, before Rilla squeezes his hand more tightly, and then she pulls him to the table, to sit beside her. He can feel himself flushing dark when her hand remains clasped around his, fingers tangled between them as he settles, but her presence- she is so steady, so warm, and he smiles as well as Rilla introduces-

Her brothers. Well, Damien did not quite expect that. He remembers, vaguely, that Rilla had mentioned- perhaps in the context of them fetching things for her from the Citadel? Perhaps that was it. She mentioned them in passing before, but Damien had not been expecting much in the way of family introductions, at least not in the near future. It seems too serious a thing to do, for Rilla.

Though-

Well. Clearly this was not an intentional introduction. Damien simply... barged in, panicking like he did and interrupting her morning with her family.

He focuses best he can on Rilla's hand, her thumb brushing against his knuckles, and tries to push that particular guilt out of his mind. She doesn't... seem irritated with him. Surely she would tell him if she were. Wouldn't she?

Conversation is a pleasant distraction, at least. The guilt is easier to ignore with Rilla speaking and laughing at his side, her uncertainly-smiling brother Talfryn offering commentary from across the table.

Marc is...

Damien cannot quite interpret his tone. He seems outwardly friendly, toothy smiles and laughter in his voice, but there is something... a feeling, nebulous but worrying in the pit of Damien's stomach, like the man is somehow laughing at him, or- prodding him, perhaps. And something else, as well- the niggling sensation of familiarity. He can't place it. The combined effect is extremely distracting, and Damien finds himself tongue-tied with uncomfortable frequency.

Well. At least he has this morning as an excuse, of sorts. He can tell from the sympathetic tilt to Talfryn's smile whenever he stumbles that the other man thinks that Damien is still unsteady or embarrassed from that little display, rather than being thrown off by... whatever strangeness weaves between Damien and Marc, as they talk.

They've been conversing for perhaps a half an hour, and the third time one of Marc's siblings rises to fetch something for him, Damien finally glances down, and notices-

The braces on his legs. The lack of musculature, there, in contrast with his noticeably broad shoulders and strong arms.

And the name Marc.

Damien's eyes flick up, catching Marc's inadvertently, and he knows, Damien knows with a strange and uncomfortable certainty that Marc can see it on his face as he thinks-

Salamander.

Marc's grin widens. Just the smallest amount. Damien drops his eyes.

Sir Absolon called this man-

Sir Absolon said-

Damien knows all sorts of stories, about this man.

Damien knows-

(Damien remembers himself, in the freshness of his guilt, skittish in his new and terrible and irresistible arrangement with the monster, remembers how easy it was to take the guilt within him and aim it outwards like another arrow, to point at anyone else with the smallest vulnerability in their armor, to take his own unspeakable sins and imagine all that and so much more on anyone else, anyone else, if it meant that his brothers-in-arms would not look at him, if it meant that his mentor, his mentor, Absolon whose attention Damien earned with his skill and his tenacity, that Absolon wouldn't-

He would believe whatever Absolon said about anyone, if it meant that he could avoid such suspicion and scrutiny upon his own head, his own soul.)

Damien doesn't know anything at all about Marc. About Rilla's brother.

(Does Damien know anything at all about the Salamander, either?)

Saint Damien forgive him. He used to be precisely like Sir Ector, didn't he? Taking rumor and assumption as fact, thinking that he could know the mind of another from those unfounded thoughts. The idea leaves a sour, nasty taste in his mouth.

Damien raises his face again, meeting Marc's eyes, and he asks how he and Rilla came to the idea for their recorder. Marc blinks, and Damien hopes that the subtle flash of surprise on his face is a good sign as Rilla playfully groans about setting him off to brag before Marc launches into a story that-

Well. Damien knows stories, at least, and he knows hyperbole and exaggeration when he hears it, but-

That isn't so bad a thing, is it?

And-

In the unlikely event that even half the rumors are true, Damien thinks with a pang, he is hardly in anyposition to judge, anyway.

~

The memory of Sir Damien's breath ghosting across the back of his hand, and Arum stiffens with a hiss before he is even fully awake.

The blanket slithers from Arum's shoulders, Damien's scent clouding his snout again, as it must have while he slept. He rubs at his eyes, grumbling low as he senses-

Only another couple hours. Well. It will have to do, he supposes. His duties will not wait for his traitor mind to accommodate a proper night of sleep.

The Keep sings gently as he rolls to stand, stretching his arms above his head and listening to his joints click in protest, and Arum-

Sighs.

"Your concern is noted," he murmurs, too tired to fight about it again. Which, he realizes belatedly, was probably the reason why the Keep wanted to broach the subject the moment Arum woke. Rotten thing.

The Keep pauses, then asks another gentle question as it opens the way for him to his workshop, another set of vines carrying his sheet back towards his bedroom.

"I'm f-"

Arum cuts off. The Keep already knows the way he feels. Lying about it would be- less than pointless.

"I told him," he says instead, and- he regrets the admission the instant it escapes his mouth. He blames it on the lack of sleep, preemptively scowling as the Keep startles, chiming a confused run of notes. "Not- no. I was- it was foolishness. He was not awake. It was-" his shoulders sag, and his voice comes more quietly, after that. "It was for me. I said it for my own sake. I've said it. I've said it, now. So."

The Keep prods, its eagerness belying its otherwise soft tone.

"So," he continues, "maybe now I will finally be able to move on. Purge this from my system. Let him go, when the time comes. When he leaves."

The Keep pauses for a suspiciously long time, then. The silence hangs, heavy like a fogbank. And then it trills, a saccharine layer of encouragement over a sharp, inescapable current of sorrow.

It doesn't believe him. Which is fair, Arum thinks. He does not believe himself, either. They are both fully aware of this particular lie.

Arum does not mention it. Neither does the Keep.

He turns his hands and his mind to his work, and the Keep falls to silence again.

[bbyannabeth]

ANNUAL WRITING SELF-EVALUATION

thank you lexi @timelesslords for tagging me!! (several hours ago but oh well, i got around to it eventually lol)

1. number of stories posted to AO3: 18

2. word count posted for the year: 160,104 (it tried to say if we loved again was part of 2022 bc i posted on the first but. no)

3. fandoms i wrote for: PJO

4. pairings: Percy/Annabeth, Reyna/Piper

5. story with the most...

kudos: got me right where you want me, baby (could i be more obvious?)

bookmarks: got me right where you want me, baby (could i be more obvious?)

comments: if we loved again

6. work i’m most proud of (and why): definitely if we loved again! i've put so much time and effort into this story and it's been so fun seeing everyone react every week. i've never had a fic like this that gets so much interaction and it makes me really excited to do more multi chapter fics in the future

7. work i’m least proud of (and why): got it on record its literally so boring. i still have a part two in the works but like...... i doubt it'll ever come out LMFAO

8. share or describe a favourite review you received: i've gotten sooo many amazing, sweet comments on if we loved again and there was this one that said

I’ve had the week from hell working in retail and I was just about to go to bed when my eyes SHOT open bc I remembered it was a Wednesday and my ADHD ass hadn’t checked to see the new chap yet!! This part absolutely broke me because I would have reacted the exact same way that Annabeth did (down to the “Nope”s and leaving immediately) so that really resonated with me. I can’t wait to see how this gets resolved - and I’m very glad you still have several chapters left because nothing bothers me more than rushed, half-assed conflict resolution! Your stories never fail to move me (I’d say that they always make me smile but they aren’t always happy, and sometimes as writers our goal is to just evoke emotion!) Side note: I screamed ATW 10min version today while I was driving and thought of this story

and the whole comment made me really happy but specifically the last part made smile so much because like. i do that?? with other fics??? and the fact that someone was listening to taylor and was thinking of MY fic??? i screamed

9.  a time when writing was really, really hard: it was actually really hard to keep up with the 25 days of xmas prompts. writing everyday like that was really difficult, plus i was going through some family issues at the time and simply.. didn't want to write. but i sort of felt obligated to. i'm glad i got through it but it wasn't easy. especially bc i was also writing she leaves, then she lingers and i'd write this in the sky during the same time. i kept falling behind on something at all times and i was being really hard on myself

10.  a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: i never expected to write a major character death fic, but i did and i'm actually really impressed with how it turned out. it's not my favorite or anything, but i do think i did really well with tugging at everyone's heartstrings (sorry if u cried. me too).

i'm also pretty surprise at the angst in if we loved again. i'm not super good at angst, or at least i don't think i am, but judging by everyone's reactions, i've done pretty good with it and i'm really proud of it

11.  a favorite excerpt of your writing: i really tried to push myself with i can see the end as it begins and i tried to focus a lot on how they were feeling with everything going on, and i feel like i did pretty well with that. i like this part specifically and i saw a few people comment on these lines

“i didn’t know what to say, and then blackjack landed on the roof and beck-,” his voice died for a second and a whole new wave of pain hit as she remembered their friend. he cleared his throat. “we had to go, and she just kissed me and told me to go be a hero or something.”

annabeth thought about how little rachel understood about their world. go be a hero was telling percy go head first into battle. and if she knew anything about percy, she would know that meant percy would do anything and everything for the people he loved, even if it cost him his own life. being a hero, for percy, was a death sentence.

annabeth wished he would stop being a hero. she selfishly wished he would take a step back and let someone else take the fall so that percy could live another day.

the line "being a hero, for percy, was a death sentence" was always one that stuck out to me, i think. i really like that line and i think it shows how bad of a position percy was in. he wanted to save everyone and be the hero he was supposed to be, regardless of the cost.

12.  how did you grow as a writer this year: oh gosh. i actually started delving into angst which has been so fun and i'm definitely going to continue doing so. i started planning my fics more?? i think doing so helps me make them longer. when i first started i'd write this in the sky, i thought it was going to be like 7k.... it was 20k LOL. i also wrote and finished two multi chapter fics, and started another one that will be finished roughly by june(ish). i never thought i would be someone who could commit to a real, long fic like that, but i did and i'm proud of myself

13.  how do you hope to grow next year: like i mentioned, i want to keep writing angst. i want to get better at it. i also really want to start learning how to foreshadow more. like i want readers to get to the end of a fic and realize the end had subtly been mentioned throughout the whole fic and there's this whole "OHHH" moment, if that makes sense. maybe it makes absolutely no sense, i don't do it so i wouldn't know

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): my girlfriend has always been a really good motivator for me. she works really hard and it makes me want to work harder, but she also makes sure i don't push myself.

also, i've only known them a couple of months (but god, has it felt longer) but being friends with The Hooligans (aka @captain-jackson, @timelesslords, @scrxbbler-fics, and @impossibleandinsufferable) has been really fun in the way that they make me more excited about my own fics. like i told my gf once that carrie's reactions to iwla every week (though they are threatening) has become one of my favorite parts of posting. there's nothing like posting a new chapter and then twenty minutes later, carrie and heidi are yelling at me<3 when i was writing iwtits (or ew tits, as they lovingly named it), they were all excited and supportive and it's just ??? such a new experience for me to have friends who care about my writing like this??? plus, almost all of us are writers (sry heidi go away<3) and it's been very new and comforting to have writer friends to talk about the struggles of writing, if that makes sense. like we've had a handful of convos about how it can be draining, or how writer's block sucks, or how people demanding more from you can suck. i've never had anyone else that i've talked to about that.

sorry that was so long but tldr; i love my friends very much and i'm very very grateful for how wonderful they are, even when they are bullying me about iwla<3

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: i have a few fics that were inspired by my friends, like coffee at midnight and kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright if that counts. also my taylor swift obsession really peaked through. just a little.

16.  any new wisdom you can share with other writers: if you want to write a long fic, i would really recommend finishing most-all of it before ever posting the first chapter. i've done that with every long fic i've posted (with the exception of i can see the end as it begins bc that wasn't meant to be a multi chap) and i think it helped me so much. it takes off a LOT of the pressure because all that's left to do is edit and post. or if you have most of it done, you know that you need to finish it, but you have more time and you feel less rushed. i've always found there's a lot less pressure when doing the whole thing before ever posting the first chapter

17. any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: i'm soooo excited to finish the tlo rewrite. i want to keep pushing myself with that and focusing on their characters and what they're feeling bc i feel like i often dont focus on it enough

18. tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. (totally not required to do this y’all I always hate when things say you gotta do it)

i have no one to tag hehe so anyone who wants to, pls feel free!

[redsector-a]

AO3 Ask Game

I was tagged by @themarshalstale which, thank you so much! I feel like I always get missed on these (I know why, it’s been 84 years since I published anything but still). 1. How many works do you have on ao3?

46 it seems. Which...look I’m slow man so that’s not surprising. lol Also crippling depression does not make for much production, at least for me.

2. What’s your current AO3 wordcount?

309662 according to the stats.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

So do I could only AO3 or in like life? lol I suppose it should only be on AO3 since this is an AO3 ask game. Hrm. Basically AO3 can be summed up as: Marvel (in several iterations - all Avengers related) Torchwood Highlander But isn’t it more fun to consider my entire fandom life, which, I’m sorry, I’m old so...yeah. Not all of this is was published and beyond that a lot is not available anymore...which is likely for the best. Highlander Star Wars Babylon 5 Ronin Warriors/Samurai Troopers Marvel (again, several iterations also of note Avengers and X-Men both count) Torchwood Star Trek LOTR Stargate (SG-1, SGA) Mortal Kombat I dabbled with the idea of Potter fic but never got past the ideas stage.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1: You rearrange me till I’m sane Clint finds himself spiraling into a deep depression after the Battle of New York...until the Winter Soldier ends up saving him and inadvertently giving him a new purpose – to save the man that the Soldier had once been – Bucky Barnes. Not one to be outdone, the Soldier decides that his new mission is to ensure that Clint remains alive himself. Protecting a blonde man with a self-destructive streak is somehow very familiar to him. Through the back and forth of who is saving whom they cross the country and learn more about themselves and each other – and perhaps find a reason for living. 2: Five Dates Bucky Didn’t Realize He Was on And the One He Planned Himself To say that Bucky was surprised when Clint kissed him was an understatement. But it was nothing compared to the shock he felt when he learned they'd been dating for months without him realizing it.Clint gets whisked away for a mission before they have time to talk and Bucky is left to figure things out on his own - hindsight being 20/20 he can't help but wonder how he missed things the first go around.

3: Puck Luck Bucky Barnes is used to the ups and downs of an NHL season. He's used to the unpredictability of the game, knows that bounces don't always go your way, but that doesn't make a broken hand in the final third of the season any easier to deal with. Especially not when he ends up with an impromptu roommate/personal assistant in the form of one Clint Barton - his agent, Natalia Romanova's (rather attractive) friend he hadn't known existed before his injury.

It's just for six to eight weeks - what could possibly happen in that span of time?

4: Loose Lips Launch Ships

Based on the following prompt: “We go to school together and I think you’re cute and apparently you’re also the pizza delivery guy and my little sibling opened the door screaming hey sibling! you know that kid you’re in love with? you really weren’t kidding when you said his jawline could cut steel holy shit-” Bucky is the pizza delivery guy. Clint's younger (foster) brother has a big mouth.

5: Indelible Bucky Barnes has a pretty decent life – a good job, good friends, a cat that adores him - but something is missing. He’s always found body art to be beautiful and inspiring, and on a whim (and with the hope that maybe he can find what he’s missing) he decides to take the plunge and get a tattoo. That's how he meets Clint Barton. Clint's talented and compassionate and there is an instant spark between the two of them. It's not long before Bucky finds himself wondering and wanting more from the relationship despite the ghosts of the past that crop back up. Because Clint makes him feel normal in a way he truly hasn't for years...

(this was pre-Alpine so I was totally chuffed when canon confirmed Bucky’s status as a crazy cat lady (affectionate).

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not.

I really really really want to do it but I often times don’t end up doing it. There are a few reasons. First, I am akwward AF and bad at interaction adn I feel like just saying thank you would be...not enough? Second - I often times tend to like...turtle (aka retreat into myself) when life gets Too Hard/Busy which happens a lot to me (sigh) and then I miss the vague window in my mind in which it would be okay to respond and then it’s even more weird. I do love and cherish all of them. Like there was one months ago that made me go “hmm...I didn’t think I was going to do a sequel to that fic (You rearrange me till I’m sane), timestamp glimpses sure but a sequel hadn’t come to mind” but then the comment made me think! So...who knows? lol Anyway, I literally have been rereading some in an effort to try and get myself going again. Know that if you have commented, I love you.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

At the moment? Probably: Look at you look at me Bucky's in love with Clint - problem is he's really not supposed to be. For Winterhawk Week 2019 - Forbidden Love (I really don’t want to give away the spin in the fic but...if you’re familiar with the Secret Avengers Vol 2 run circa 2013ish (aka when SHIELD initially ‘took control of the team’) that’s a bit of a hint as to the spin). Were it done, Torch Song would be up there. ;) Torch Song Clint is sent back in time, via an alien device, to 1938. While he tries to figure out how to get back home, he takes up singing and entertaining to make ends meet and does his best to not disrupt the timeline.Then he meets a 21 year old Bucky Barnes. --- A torch song is a sentimental love song, typically one in which the singer laments an unrequited or lost love, either where one party is oblivious to the existence of the other, where one party has moved on, or where a romantic affair has affected the relationship.

7. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

Does *wanting* to write crossovers count? lol I want, so badly, to do more crossovers and fusions (which...are kinda deeper versions of crossovers in a way). The only one I do have posted is a crossover between Highlander and Torchwood -

The Immortal Mr. Jones A series of vignettes (some long, some short) in the life of the newly immortal Ianto Jones. My most ambitions project that I have been working on since late 2011/early 2012 is a fusion of the Avengers with Stephen King’s the Stand. I will get that done at some point *shakes fist*  The Stand, for those who don’t know it, is an epic 1000+ page novel about a flu epidemic (I know) that wipes out over 99% of the population and then two figures representing Good and Evil pull the survivors in two directions for a showdown. So basically it’s a non-powered modern AU set in that universe. It’s a passion and comfort project. lol

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes. Well, minor bitching back when I was in a prior fandom because I tagged a pairing in a fic but it was pre-slash and not labeled as pre-slash. I got hate on...I think it was Torch Song? And I’ve gotten hate on tumblr re me and my fic in general as well. Fandom! *jazz hands* Oh! And I’ve also been hit by those reviewers within Winterhawk (among general Clint pairings actually) who like rate you on either number scales or the “meh” scale. Which isn’t hate exactly but...it’s passive aggressive bullshit because I can’t believe none of them realize at this point that the authors can see their bookmarks - you know?

9. Do you write smut?

Yes. Do I write it well? I have no idea. lol

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of. Well...there was, I think, one of those reposting sites that had a few fics on it but I don’t think it was being passed off as someone else’s? I can’t quite recall. It’s why I have a note on AO3 about reposting my work anyway.

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not entirely, but sort of. Let me explain - I am part of a PBEM game; which for those unfamiliar since it’s a term that was most heavily in use 15-20 years ago, in which you basically do a round robin type writing thing but rather than everyone writing the same characters you write your own characters and you play off what other people have done. Another way of looking at it is  it’s basically DnD without dice and written down rather than done out loud. You also don’t have to all be around at the same time. It’s a lot of fun and yes I have been in it for 20 years even though there aren’t many of us left but they are some of my dearest friends and fabulous writers. Wins all around.  One of the other writers and I have actually toyed with the idea of doing a co-written fic actually, mostly because we work super well together and keep getting ideas for things but can’t really do them as rpgs since the pbem style isn’t used much anymore.

12. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Winterhawk probably. Though, let’s be real - Han & Leia are epic and amazing as are John & Delenn (from Babylon 5).

13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Does wanting to expand The Black Stallion books as a wee child count? lol Not much of that was written save for world building ideas but there was a great oral tradition of telling stories to my friends. Otherwise...maybe a tie between Star Wars and Highlander. Star Wars was a love since I was super young but the writing bug didn’t hit me until around the same time Highlander was a thing as well.

14. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? You rearrange me till I’m sane for sure. Though Torch Song, if it were finished, would be tied I imagine (I suck at picking favorites). Honorable mention to Puck Luck and Indelible. Tagging: I have seen this like a million times (okay 5) so I feel like everyone has been tagged already that I know. But...I guess... @vexbatch @crazycatt71 @heartonfirewrites and @disruptedvice sorry if anyone has been tagged before.

[mithrilwren]

Fanfic ask game for procrastinating on writing, which as of this week is actually accurate, since I’m finally writing again! (or, more specifically, editing what I wrote two months ago so I can get back to writing.)

Tagged by @essektheylyss! Thank you, this is exactly the kind of activity my brain needed tonight.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

72! I was hovering at 69 for quite a while, sad to break the streak haha

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

~550K, which is somehow both more and less than what I expected

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Many, lmao. According to my Ao3 (omitting any blanket tags) I’ve got 22 there, plus at least two more over on ff.net from back in the day, and probably a couple more just on Tumblr. Most of them I’ve only written one fic for, though. I think the only fandoms where I’ve written more than one are Critical Role (35), Supernatural (15), Haikyuu!! (3), The Exorcist (2), Dimension 20 (2), and Yu-Gi-Oh! (2)

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Pick a Number, Any Number

Surprisingly, my number one is NOT a Critical Role fic, nor is it even one of my longer multi-chapters! It’s actually a one-shot I wrote for Haikyuu!! back in the day that took off far beyond what I expected. I wrote it for DaiSuga week, which was a ship I (to be completely honest) wasn’t even terribly invested in, but I had a fun idea and people seemed to like it! (It’s also much fluffier than what I usually write, which might be part of its broader appeal ;))

A Winter’s Ball

Unsurprisingly, the next four are all CR ;). This one was a M9 x VM crossover that I primarily wrote between the hours of 3-8am over the course of two insomnia-wracked nights and honestly, I think it shows in its uncharacteristically unstructured format (compared to my typical style, which tends to favour shorter scenes with very intentionally-placed breaks between, as opposed to scenes that flow into each other without pause). That’s not to say I think it’s a bad thing! The story, which follows Beau as she drifts through a party in Whitestone and observes the interactions between the various guests, actually flows better without that kind of interruption. This was also my first Beaujester piece. I started writing it right before Beau’s confession aired, and published it the week after, which definitely pushed me to make what had been only subtextual in the first half of my draft into the emotional lynchpin of the story.

Only the Nightingale Sings

I’m really glad this one still ranks as high as it does, because this story is absolutely my pride and joy. At one time (though I’m not sure that’s true anymore) it was the longest gen fic in the fandom, which is pretty cool! Plot-heavy, twist-heavy, angst-heavy, with seven points of view to follow and multiple interwoven storylines, it was a beast of a thing to write, and took almost exactly a year to finish, but the long process was oh-so worth it. Literally nothing makes me happier today than seeing a new comment or kudos on this story.

Closer Still

One of my earliest shadowgast fics, this one asks the question “how can you make the ‘stuck in an elevator trope’ fantasy?” The answer is, as always, demiplanes. This fic, perhaps more than any of my other shadowgast fics, is interesting to revisit, because it was written before the ep 97 reveal, but literally everything Essek does in it would suggest otherwise. It reads like I already knew he was a spy working with Trent, and yet I was firmly in the “Essek is NOT the spy” camp at the time. Gotta chalk that up to Matt telegraphing his growing guilt into the preceding episodes - even if I couldn’t see it, it was clearly there.

your dust from mine

My other novel-length CR multichapter, this fic brought me so much joy in the otherwise bleak summer of 2020. Most of my best memories of those four months come from working on this story. A Fjorclay adaption of The Goose Girl (my favourite fairytale) this story is about healing, growth, and figuring out what happiness means to you. While I know most people don’t read stories for this pairing anymore, for obvious reasons, I still cherish your dust from mine for how much of my heart I poured into it, and I look back on it with a huge amount of fondness.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do my absolute best to respond to every comment someone leaves on a story of mine, even if it occasionally takes a month or two. Replying to comments is one of my favourite parts of the fic-writing process - it gives me a chance to revisit peoples’ kind words and (often, incredibly insightful) observations, and I hope it also shows how appreciative I am of each and every one. 

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Though I write a lot of angst, I honestly tend more towards bittersweet endings than straight-up sadness. The only one I can really think of is What You Own - mind the tags if you follow the link, this is definitely one of the gnarlier things I’ve written for CR - whose ending is, admittedly, bleak. But this story so far removed from canon that I don’t think it’s the kind of angsty ending that lingers with you, as much as it packs a punch and then lets you go on your way.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I tend to enjoy thinking about crossovers moreso than actually writing them. I’ve brainstormed a few, but none have ever made it much farther than the first page.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

A few times! Not often, thankfully. Only one time in particular really sticks out to me, mostly for how it rocked my confidence in a way that I don’t think any comment could now, since I’ve had a few more years to build up faith in my own writing.

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Very, very occasionally.

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not! 

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh man, back in the Glee days... yeah. Yeah, I have. Nothing that ever got published, though ;)

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

Not sure I have one! Ships come and go with the seasons, and sometimes they’re best left in the era you found them.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The Shadowgast figure skating AU. It’s never going to happen, but I wish it had.

15) What are your writing strengths?

I would say probably structure, in terms of constructing narrative arcs and through-lines. I’m organized with my writing in a way that I am in few other areas of my life, haha. I’d also say my sense of place - I think I’m pretty good at constructing living, breathing settings and exploring how my characters interact affect/are affected by them.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

I have a tendency to be wordy (which you might surmise from the length of this post, lol) and repeat myself, usually by going over emotional beats that don’t need the extra reinforcement. On the other hand, I tend to underexplain certain elements (particularly, important plot details in fic, and character motivation in original writing), which can lead to confusion.

A couple years ago I would have said dialogue, but I’ve put a lot of practice into it and I honestly think I’ve improved a lot, which is pretty cool!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve never done it myself, and it’s not generally my favourite thing to read (like @essektheylyss said, it makes me hyper-aware that I’m reading words on a page, especially if I have to follow a footnote somewhere). That said, I’ve definitely also seen it used effectively, so I think it’s more down to whether it suits the particular story!

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Yu-Gi-Oh!

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

As mentioned above, Only the Nightingale Sings.

[angryschnauzer]

Superior Specimen - Chapter 8

Summary: One night when you are following the Archaeology tag on instagram you stumbled across a fun looking dig… and an even more interesting Paleontologist who soon follows you back. Over the following weeks you start chatting and a friendship soon grows.

Relationship: AU Henry Cavill x Female Reader (No race or body shape mentioned)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

Warnings: Slow Burn, NSFW, 18+, Mutual Masturbation, Phone Sex, Drunken Piggy Back Rides, Oral Sex (Female Recieving), Drama, Theft, Amateur Heroics, Hospital Visit, Shower Sex, Oral Sex (Male Receiving), Blow Job, Fingering, Lavish lifestyle, Henry is loaded, The Shard, Expensive Gifts, Sixty nine, Unprotected Sex, Multiple Orgasms, Public Sex, Exhibitionism, Angst, Argument, Jealousy, Talk of car crashes, heroics, rough sex, use of safe words, Anal play,

I do not operate a tag list, but please follow @angryschnauzerwrites​ and put that blog onto notifications, as you will then be notified whenever i post something new.

I don’t have a masterlist, but all my works are on AO3, link here. Usually i post oneshots to Tumblr and AO3, and multichapters exclusively to AO3, but as this is my first henry story and its going to be a short series, i’ll post to both places.

Chapter 8

 On the tube an old woman had offered you a tissue and had whispered quietly;

 “He’s not worth crying over my dear”

 You swallowed and smiled weakly at her;

 “Unfortunately he was… he was just an idiot too”

 “They all are my dear, they all are”

 She got off at the next stop, giving you a pat on the arm before leaving the carriage, leaving you ride the rest of the way to Fulham Broadway on your own.

 You were on autopilot when you arrived, walking through the small shopping mall that had grown around the tube station, grabbing a pair of overpriced knock-off designer sunglasses from the concession stand to hide your puffy and red eyes, swollen from crying. As you stood in the crowd at the lights to cross the road, a stream of Ambulances and Police cars screamed past, lights and sirens blasting, but it was London, every day there was a crisis or accident and you were used to them. 

 The walk to your flat was quick, just a few roads from the tube, and you were thankful you’d brought your small clutch bag from the hotel room that had your phone, wallet, and keys in. Once inside you pulled off your clothing, everything Henry had bought for you, tossing it into a heap on the floor before you climbed into bed and curled into a ball, sobbing into the pillow.

 -

 You woke to the sound of a metal on plastic crunch from the street outside, familiar with the sound and you knew it was vehicle vs wheelie bin, an all too familiar occurrence when collection day was on a Friday and people went out that night, so the street would still be littered with bins the following day. Staring up at the ceiling you heard the doorbell ring, glaring at the ceiling but refusing to move. You didn’t care if your bin that had ended up a casualty of a car not looking where it was going, so when the bell finally timed out you closed your eyes… only to be rudely disturbed by a loud knocking on the door a minute later, a muffled voice from the other side;

 “Princess… it’s me; Henry… please, just tell me you’re ok… I’ve got to know you’re ok…”

 You could feel your emotions rising within you; a heat, an anger, and as the knocking continued you grabbed the dressing gown hanging on the back of the door and was still tying it as you pulled the door open, but surprised to see state of Henry, his clothes a mess and his face blotchy;

 “What the hell happe…”

 Your words were cut short as he pulled you into his arms, hugging you tight;

 “You’re alright… my god, you’re ok…”

 “Henry, what is going on?”

 He let you go and started pacing;

 “I was an ass, I didn’t follow you, I was stupid… I tried calling you but you never picked up…”

 “I had it on silent… I didn’t want anyone to disturb our date”

 “And then the accident, I’d gone back to the hotel, I knew it was the closest tube to where we were...”

 “Accident?”

 “There was an accident, on the road outside the London Bridge Tube, a bus and council truck collided and ran into the queue… I stayed and helped the emergency services; I was trying to find you… but you weren’t there…”

 Your hand was over your mouth, tears pooling on your lashes as you looked at him, and realised he cared so much for you that he had literally pulled people out of the wreckage of an major accident because he thought he had lost you. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders you cradled the back of his head as he slumped to the floor, sobbing into your shoulder and the softness of your dressing gown. 

 Finally he pulled his head back, a weak smile on his face as he looked into your eyes, and you saw a different Henry, one that was fragile, one that needed you as much as you needed him.

 “C’mon, let me put the kettle on”

 -

 Sipping on sweet tea as you both sat at the kitchen table, dunking Digestive biscuits in the deep brown steaming mugs, you looked him up and down;

 “You are a mess”

 He glanced down and realised his shirt and jeans were covered in dirt, grime, and in some places blood;

 “You’re right” he paused before looking back to you; “Look, I’ve got a suggestion… pack a bag. Comfy clothing, overnight things. We’ll head back to the hotel and collect our things, then head back to my place. I’ll cook dinner and we can talk… ask all those things we’ve both wanted to ask since we met, yeah?”

 He looked at you like a hopeful puppy, his deep blue eyes watery where he feared you would say no, but as you nodded he let out the breath he had been holding, and a genuine smile spread over his face.

 -

 Henry opened the door to his place and stepped aside, letting you enter and look around as he shut the door, resting all the bags from the hotel room on the shiny white tiles that covered the floor. 

 “This is your place?”

 “It’s home for the next few months” he shut the door and wrapped his arm around you; “I gave up on having a permanent place about five years ago. I would always come back to a dust filled nightmare and a fridge that was a biohazard. I keep a PO box for any mail and a storage unit for my things that I don’t need when I’m away”

 You looked at him;

 “It sounds very… lonely…”

 He paused, considering your words;

 “I’ve never thought about it that way… but, you’re right” he wrapped his arms around you, his gaze intense; “I’m sorry I over-reacted earlier… about your flatmate. I was just… I don’t know, so focused I guess on this amazing thing we have now, and what we were talking about last night… how those I fall for push me away when I have to leave… I could only think ‘this guy will be around when I’m not’...”

 You reached up and cupped his cheek with your hand, realising in that moment that for all the bravado and confidence, beneath that Henry was just like you, like anyone else, and feared losing those he cared for;

 “I would wait… I will wait…”

 You pressed a kiss to his lips, and the pair of you just held each other for the longest time, before he pulled away;

 “What kind of host am I? I haven’t even offered you a cup of tea!”

 Laughing you followed him into the kitchen, looking around at the sparse worktops, all the cupboards pristine white. Even the appliances were just plain brushed aluminium. As the kettle bubbled away you pushed yourself up onto the central island, sitting on the marble countertop as you watched Henry move around the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out the carton of milk, sniffing it and cringing;

 “Okay, tea may be off the menu… the milk’s off”

 Pausing he opened the cupboard, shoulders slumping when he saw the empty tea caddy;

 “No tea either…”

 Leaning back you pulled your phone from your pocket and opened google maps;

 “This is Warwick Square, right?”

 “Yes”

 You pinched the screen and zoomed out, jumping off the counter;

 “C’mon, there’s a Tesco Express just around the corner”

 -

 Walking hand in hand around Pimlico with Henry, it dawned on you that you had never visited this part of London, the sights and sounds much like most of the city, but where each little borough had its own character. Once you reached the supermarket he grabbed a basket and picked up the few things he needed, before his hand hovered over the selection of biscuits;

 “Ok, make or break time to find out if we are truly compatible” his voice had an element of mischief in it as he spoke; “Milk or Dark Chocolate Digestives?”

 You looked at the selection before you set your hand down on the bright blue packet;

 “Trick question, we both know the true answer is Milk Chocolate Hobnobs”

 He laughed as you dropped the packet into the basket, wrapping his massive arm around your shoulders and pulling you into his chest;

 “I knew there was a reason I loved you” he turned to the row of refrigerators on the other side of the isle, unaware of what he’d said, and how your eyes were a little wider as you took in his admission; “Shall I make some burnt offerings for you tonight? I have somewhat limited culinary skills, but I can rustle up something with meat or fish…”

 Nodding you were still a little stunned, finally finding your voice;

 “Yeah, I’ll eat anything”

 He cocked an eyebrow and you playfully batted at his arm;

 “Oh shut up” you laughed

-

 Dinner had been nice. An easy dish of roasted pork, Henry had thrown in some potatoes and had let them roast with alongside, and a simple salad. The one thing he did have readily stocked in his place was alcohol, and between the two of you an entire bottle of vintage Pinot Noir had been sunk over the course of dinner, and as you watched him stack the dishwasher you spread out on the massive white sofa that dominated the open plan space. You couldn’t help yourself but you popped the button of your jeans, letting out a sigh of relief. 

 Checking your phone you reopened your roommates’ email and read it again, before hitting reply. You knew deep down you wouldn’t be able to get a mortgage, but asked that you be kept in the loop and would start looking for another place come Monday. Having hit send you saw another email, this time from your Manager, requesting that you attend a review on Monday morning;

 “Huh, so much for giving me a week off” you muttered to yourself, before looking up and seeing Henry approaching you, two full glasses of red wind in hand.

 “Everything ok?”

 Taking the glass you smiled;

 “Yeah, work want me to go in for a review on Monday morning”

 “Did they say what it was about?”

 “No, but I’m guessing ‘playing heroics and injuring yourself on the job isn’t in your job description, please don’t sue us’ is probably on the agenda”

 Settling next to you he rested a hand on your thigh, giving it a squeeze;

 “I’m sure you’re right” he sipped at the wine before setting it on the small table at the side; “Hey I meant to ask, does your roommate have an Instagram account or Facebook page?”

 “Yeah, I’ll pull it up. Its where he’s trying to do more serious photography”

 He nodded and tapped at his phone for a few seconds before setting it aside, raising his glass again and clinking it against yours;

 “Cheers”

 -

 By the time the last dregs of the 2nd bottle of wine were drained from your glasses you were drunk as skunks and just an amorous. You were draped over Henry’s lap, his hand was attempting to sneak under your t-shirt as you curled one hand in his hair, wrapping a deep brown strand around your finger as you kissed him lazily. When his hand finally found your breast you moaned at his touch, his lips brushing against your neck;

 “I think we should take this to the bedroom”

 You giggled;

 “With the amount of wine we’ve had? Can you still get it up?”

 He pushed his crotch up against you;

 “Princess I’m already ‘up’, now I need to be in, and I don’t care which hole, I just want to feel you around my dick as we have some nasty drunk sex”

 You attempted to slide off his lap and land on your feet, but what really happened was you tumbled into a heap on the soft white rug, one leg still on the sofa as the other hit the coffee table and your ass in the air;

 “Help!” you cried out, giggling as Henry stood and swayed, before wrapping his arm around your waist and carrying you under his arm to the bedroom like a misbehaving poodle in Harrods.

 He dropped you onto the bed and in the light from the lounge you watched as he yanked his t-shirt over his head, and started to unfasten his jeans, letting out a sigh of relief when the massive bulge in his boxers was allowed more room to grow. With a growl be bent over you and pulled your jeans down your legs, your panties following suit, before flipping you over so you were on your front. He went to reach for your ass but had forgotten his jeans were still around his thighs, and he proceeded to trip-tumble onto the bed beside you. You couldn’t help but to giggle into the soft duvet, and it earned you a single spank on your ass that make you squeal.

 Rolling onto your back you looked at Henry as he huffed and puffed to take his jeans and boxers off, and you spread your legs as your hands strayed to your pussy;

 “Are you doing to fuck me, or shall I just get myself started?” you said with more sass than needed, but it earned you a low groan and you could have sworn you heard seams ripping as he finally rid himself of his clothes.

 “Cheeky wench!” Henry pounced on you, pulling your top over your head before fumbling with your bra, finally getting you out of it as he flung it across the room and you heard it hit something in the darkness; “I’ll show you, gonna fuck you so good you’ll have to sit on a cushion when you go into work on Monday”

 He flipped you over and pulled your ass up, and you instinctively arched your back and bared yourself to him, prone and ready, begging for attention. You felt his hands smooth over your ass before dipping between your legs;

 “Already so wet for me, you need me to fuck this cunt Princess? Fill you up with my cum? Or should I cum over your beautiful tits, so you can watch me as I spray my load on you, huh?”

 He slid two fingers into your soaked hole, stretching you as his thumb found your clit and he rubbed harshly at it, the wine making him lose his finesse but up his pressure. When he pulled his fingers out you let out a needy whine, only to feel him press his dick against you, rutting into your crease and smearing your juices over himself. 

 The friction was delicious, and you found yourself pressing back and eager for more, earning a low chuckle to rumble up from Henry’s chest;

 “You like that Princess? Like me rubbing my dick against your asshole?”

 “Oh fuck… fuck… more…”

 You felt him spit on your ass as he lowered his dick and slowly but firmly filled your pussy. As you were getting used to be filled so deep you felt his thumb press against your asshole;

 “NERD!”

 Suddenly Henry stopped;

 “Princess?”

 You turned, looking over your shoulder;

 “Look Hen, I may be up for some anal play, but lube… you gotta use lube…”

 You saw him look back and forth between your ass and his bedside drawers, as if trying to work out whether to forget the ass play and just fuck your pussy, or to give up your pussy for just a few seconds and get the lube. In the end the lube won, and he quickly slid out of you, leaning across the bed and yanking the drawer open, before pulling out a small bottle of Durex Lube. You saw it and grinned;

 “Ooh nice one. Make sure there’s enough for a tit-wank in the morning”

 Henry paused and looked at you, and you could almost see his brain short circuiting at what you’d said as it fought through the wine haze;

 “Fuck, if I didn’t want to fuck you doggy style quite so much I’d say let’s do that now…”

 He settled behind you and rammed his dick straight back into you, making you squeal as he filled you. You heard the quiet squeeze of the pump on the bottle before the cool gel fell on the crease of your ass and his fingers started to massage against your back door. He ran his finger around and around your brown rose, and you could feel yourself relaxing and trying to push back to get him to go further, making you whine;

 “Please Hen… do something…”

 He ran his thumb over your asshole and rested it on it before finally pushing in, holding the digit inside just up to the first knuckle, and that’s when he started to move in your pussy.

 “So. Fucking. Good. My dirty little Princess…”

 You whined for more, for him to go harder, deeper, and he did so with glee;

 “You want more? Fuck yes, take my dick, can feel your insides parting for me, you like my thumb in your ass? Like being double stuffed?”

 “Fuck…” your head was swimming, your chest resting against the bed as you snuck your hand between your legs and started to strum at your clit, urging your orgasm on as Henry turned into a feral beast behind you, fucking you raw and dirty, you pushing back for each thrust to feel him deeper and split you wider.

 Your orgasm happened without warning, screaming out his name as you came so hard he was sure if he hadn’t pulled his thumb out your muscles would have broken the bones in it. Your knees gave way and you slumped down onto the bed, Henry still deep inside you, fucking you as you lay spent on the bed;

 “So close… almost there…

 “Cum on my ass Hen…” you muttered as he railed into you, and you heard a groan as he pulled out of you, seconds later the splash of his hot seed landing on your naked ass, back and thighs.

 For a moment everything went quiet before you felt him wiping his cum from you, and he moved you in the bed until you were curled up in his arms, the little spoon to his big;

 “You’re fucking amazing Princess, I fucking love you so much” he slurred, before the two of you feel asleep in drunken stupors.

Chapter 9 >>>

[saras-almanac]

creator tag meme

The lovely @softlass27 tagged me to do this and I am literally only seeing this now, on January 3rd. But what is time anymore? Right? And she’s also the reason her ask about my fic “letting go” has popped back up. Was that really only in September that I answered that? Seriously, what is time? 

Also... yeah I didn’t really write a lot this year. I usually write a fair amount, especially with my own original stuff too, but I just didn’t have it in me this year. My biggest problem (if you consider it a problem) is I love angst and character studies and really digging in to characters and allowing them room to speak their truth or really explore something that canon leaves unexplored. If you will. And in this year of the pandemic and staying at home and all the constant anxiety around that, I just didn’t have the emotional endurance to write a lot of the things I wanted to write. So... just know that I didn’t write a lot this year. 

1. finding one’s footing 

Summary: Two years after Robert is sentenced to prison, he comes home to Emmerdale. Unfortunately it's not that simple as Robert struggles with the anxiety and stress of leaving prison, his mind reverting him back to his post-shooting days, and Chas trying to run him from the village. She's understandably upset at how much Robert hurt Aaron, but Aaron's more closed off than Robert has seen him in years. Robert's desperate to find a way to mend things with Aaron, if only to be friends, but he's not sure he'll be able to with Aaron's strange attitudes towards him, Chas angrily coming at Robert for so much as breathing, and his own struggles.

Reunion 3.0 - Very Robert-centric as he works to rebuild himself and the relationships he "ruined" years ago. Will eventually lead to Aaron/Robert reunion.

I literally cannot believe that this was started at the beginning of the year. And I also can’t believe that I haven’t written anything for it in months. Oops. I still really love this fic idea and really being able to dive into Robert’s frame of mind after being released from prison and really trying to readjust to life again and also just sort of facing the things he tried to avoid in prison. I just love all fics where Robert gets to really voice what he wants or needs and / or fics where Aaron fights for Robert. Plus I cannot wait to write the scene were Robert basically yells at Chas and Paddy for treating Aaron like absolute shit after he was arrested. 

2.  waiting 

Summary:  It’s been two years and Aaron’s still waiting. Literally ever since he found out Robert had been released and on his way to Emmerdale. Reunion 3.0 that is really sappy…

I honestly forgot I even wrote this! (What is this year?) And I just realized that I never cross posted it to ao3 so I’m gonna have to do that this week. But I just really love reunion fics or fics where they’re just happy together. I know that seems contradictory to what I wrote above, but it’s true? And I mean, this isn’t entirely all fluff there’s definitely some emotional angst here because it wouldn’t be my fic if there wasn’t. 

****

And so we come to the end of what I actually wrote this year. Like I said... it wasn’t a lot and that’s totally cool. You gotta just live and let live, you know? But I figured I’d add a few projects / things I’m working on and want to work on for 2021. To sort of even it out in a sense.

1. finding one’s footing

Yeah. This is definitely on the list of things I want to work on this year. I really hate having unfinished works out there and usually don’t start posting a fic until it’s written or almost entirely written just in case things happen in my life and I just can’t get to writing on it. But I was really excited about this fic and wanted to post it as I went. And then the pandemic hit and all my creativity and writing drive disappeared. I do hope to continue it and make progress on it / finish it this year. 

2. letting go  sequel (commentary ask on the sequel)

It’s not secret that people have been wanting a sequel to this fic since basically the second I posted it. And to be totally honest here, I was a bit worried to write it back then because I knew it was going to be not as pro-Liv as I thought people wanted. I didn’t want to bash her or Aaron at all, but I was afraid that people would be really upset at me for daring to question Aaron or make him actually confront the fact that his sister got his boyfriend arrested and Aaron literally seemed to not understand why Robert was upset. And I was really new to writing in the fandom so I didn’t want to cause any disturbances. But now it’s been a few years and I no longer am that concerned about it. People who want to read it will, and those who don’t won’t. And if I get some drama and hate for it, well that’ll be exciting wouldn’t it? My last hateful anon was about Supernatural which was WILD. 

3. 2017 rewrite where Robert finds out he’s got a secret kid after Aaron goes to prison. 

So I’ve written a few snippets of this verse and just really love the idea of dad!Robert and thought that he was the perfect character to have a random kid turn up and turn everything upside down. So I wanted to write one and while there’s so many times that this will upset everything... I figured when Robert was frayed at the seams and Aaron’s in prison and Liv’s acting up was the perfect time for this kid (who’s Noah but not Charity’s kid cause I didn’t want to make up a new kid... *shrug*) to turn up. This is going to have a much healthier relationship between Liv and Robert because as much as she annoys me now, they had such potential in this storyline to actually build Robert and Liv up to being something of a father/daughter unit since they never were going to go there with Aaron. And the drama / tension for Aaron when he is released and for him to see that relationship and the relationship that Robert now has with this kid who Aaron doesn’t know... it’s my favorite kind of tension. 

4. Pub Share AU 

So it’s not really written in any real way, but the general idea is that Robert does end up buying Diane’s half of the pub in 2015-2016. This leads to Aaron and Robert sort of becoming friends of a sort even though Chas hates that Robert’s there. It’s just basically a small rewrite of the 2016 and trial era where they’re already friends and just the tension of living and working around someone you still have intense and complicated feelings for and sneaking around and the also slow burn of enemies (ish) to friends to lovers is just really good. 

5. And I’m honestly probably going to end up writing a Supernatural fic because that’s just who I am now and what I’m about where Dean ends up adopting Claire and Jack in a non-hunter AU. 

Look, I’m going to level with you all... I played The Witcher 3 this year and now all I care about is writing about kids being happy and my favorite characters learning to be fathers. I can’t help it... I just love the idea of this fic because I adore Claire. And after the resurgence of Supernatural in a sense, I remembered how much I love Dean (though he is hitting a bit closer to home now that I’m over 30... but we’re not going to get into that.) 

So yeah... that’s that. It’s not really what it was supposed to be... but I answered it. That counts right? 

I do have plans to work on and/or finish some of these this year but I cannot guarantee anything. I also am just going to let my inspiration and muse take me where it wants to go and work on whatever I want to work on in the moment. I might try to do some more wip wednesday snippets (when I actually start writing again) so anyone who follows me can see what I’m actually working on and just to try and get back into the habit of actually working on my stuff.  💖