#but he also deserves to be aware that he DID murder lmao

[leatherbookmark]

i had op blocked so ray’s rebloggathon was tragically Absent from my dash but now that i caught up, *hyeju voice* el oh el

[galactic-rhea]

you know, maybe I'm wrong, but my interpretation of Anakin/Vader and Redeemed Anakin is that he pretty much is aware he's terrible. He pretty much thinks of himself as a monster even before becoming Vader, he considers himself one as soon as he had to leave Shmi to survive as a slave alone while he got to become The Chosen One and travel the stars (his basic understanding of love is self-sacrifice), he knows the tusken massacre was bad, he knows murdering disarmed Dooku was bad; he knew turning against the jedi and helping Palpatine was bad; he's extremelly self aware of his violence and hates himself for it.

I think it's easy to think of him as nonchalant or as sort of a shameless dick about it all because his General At War Persona was to be jokey and pretend he's having fun. He's very confident on his ability for Murder (tm), he (tragically) became one of the Best general jedis in the order by becoming good at murder, he's useful when he's being murderous at the right people; so he has no doubts on his abilities on this regard; that doesn't mean he isn't aware of how fucked up and cruel it is, but he keeps doing it, and it's all he knows; he was born in violence, raised in violence, taught to yield a extremelly dangerous weapon, groomed into violence, rewarded for violence, cheered for violence, with Ahsoka then he had to teach violence, and then violence just became something that ran in his blood, it came to him easily, too easily because he was never given the means to deal with such a extreme hyperviolent paradigm. So yep, he knows he's good at murder and little self-preservation.

And he probably despised himself for it, he saw himself as less than a being with human rights, he saw himself as a weapon and he hated not being seen as a person, and at some point he became apathic about it, the fight left him as soon as he had no future with a family. As Vader his hate and anger is just cold fury, is mostly apathy and a void of emotions, there's just pain and self-disgust and regret and old anger, there's not even trying to be something else anymore, it's all he's ever been good at and all he's being asked to do.

So redeemed Anakin (which canonically just means Ghost Anakin lmao) acting oblivious or playing the dumb or victim card it's just something I can't even imagine him to do; like Anakin is aware of being violent and messed up and Bad, but he is completely unable to concieve the idea of having been a victim because besides violence, Anakin's other big trait is that he never ever processes trauma and he horrifically has a history of blaming himself instead of the people who owned him.

This guy, when he was at his best as a Jedi, was pathologically prone to suicidal missions even when it wasn't a necessity, he thinks he's an asset, a means for his superiors to impose their stance and chose to own it, instead of blaming his superiors he just hates himself because he can't stop pathetically reliving when he left his mom behind, when he carried her corpse, when he retaliated against even innocents including kids, when he hurt Padmé, all the times he failed, and the he lived in his personal, fitly created just for him, inferno and had no plans to escape it until one certain sunshine farmer showed up, and all because he thinks he deserves the torture and the abuse and being owned because he's just good at murder and nothing else.

So yeah, no one probably hates him more than himself. Someone could tell Ghost Anakin he's a monster, the worst thing that ever happened in the galaxy and he would say "Yes." And no attempts at arguing or whatsoever, his dignity couldn't be lower if he tried, he would half-heartly agree if someone like Luke said the emperor did him wrong by, y'know, torture him? But then he would also say something like "Well, yes, but cruelty is the way of the Sith, what else could be expected", he's just terribly messed up and couldn't stop himself from defending, at least a little, his literal groomer and abuser and master, and he certainly won't expect forgiveness, like,,,,at all. He can, and will, make excuses for people directly hurting him, but he also would retaliate in terrible ways against anyone, guilty or not, if it meant doing it for someone he cared about.

So Anakin is just...used to being used, and falls easily into being used because it's what he knows best, freedom feels useless and uncertain after he lost padmé.

It's an increíble vicious circle: He worked himself hard to be useful because being useful it's what makes people like him and a means of survival, he then hates himself for being just useful and loosing his personhood, and because he hates himself and thinks he doesn't deserve any sort of...human rights, he keeps on being a mere weapon, an object, but what a good and expensive weapon at least, repeat.

So nope, this guy would be completely unable to even dare to play the victim or excuse himself, even less act as if he doesn't understand he did wrong.

[thehypnone]

Sundown: Chapter 7

WC: 3,1K

Relationship: SwissAlps

Tags: AU; Cowboy!Swiss x Barmaid!Mountain,Transfeminine Mountain, Angst, Crying, Alcohol, Makeup, Backstory, Grief

He can blame his father for that, but not for his choices later on. That’s all on him, hurting Mounty is all on him.

Notes: I’m not very happy with how this chapter turned out, but the idea was good lmao hope you enjoy :3 Divider by the lovely @ghuleh-recs <3 Also happy Pride Month everyone!!!

Playlist here. / Chapter 1 here or on AO3.

Read chapter 7 under the cut or on AO3.

Swiss slept in the stables with Monty. Curled up and shaking through the cold night on a falling-apart cube of hay.

As fragile as he is, if not less.

He thinks about the irony, looks back at his life and wonders where the fuck he went wrong. He’s well aware, of course, but when he looks far back, ultimately he didn’t put himself on that road on his own. Albeit, he can blame his father for that, but not for his choices later on.

That’s all on him, hurting Mounty is all on him.

It doesn’t matter now, anyway, he already fucked up the best thing that has ever happened to him.

The man gets up, only imagining how pitifully he looks—though there’s no pity he deserves—and turns for Monty’s tack. He’s getting the hell out of there as soon as his chick is ready. Mere minutes later she is and Swiss walks her out of the stable.

“Once again it’s gonna be just the two of us, girlie,” he sighs, rubbing Monty’s nose as she nudges it into his chest. She understands.

Swiss’ jaw is clenched tight and his eyes still sting and he’s about to hop on and walk away from the best few months of his life like it was nothing when he hears footsteps on the soft ground behind him, followed by a familiar voice.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Swiss flinches, not turning to the other.

“Dew, you don’t unders–”

“I do,” Dewdrop interrupts him. “I know everything, Mounty spent the night at our place.”

Swiss looks over his shoulder despite his voice wavering and hot tears threatening to fall already. “You should be chasing me out of here with a pitchfork,” he jokes, but there’s no real humor in it.

“And yet I asked what the fuck do you think you’re doing,” the other man repeats, coming closer. He puts a hand on Monty’s neck to pet her; she leans into it and it’s as if both Dewdrop and the mare want to show the cowboy he should stay.

“What else can I do?” He shrugs, still not looking Dewdrop in the eye. “I messed up.”

“Yeah, you did. Big time,” he points out, “but the Shadow never sounded like a coward.”

Silence falls for a moment. Swiss takes a shaky breath and when he speaks again it’s barely audible, “I ain’t him, Dew. A coward is all I am.”

The other shakes his head. “You can’t leave her. She loves you.”

“And I love her, more than life itself,” Swiss claims and both of them know he’s not exaggerating. He’s never loved anything or anyone as much as he loves Mounty. She’s everything he’s not, she’s the best thing that ever happened to humanity, she erases all of it’s faults. She’s perfect and he’s…far from that. “I’m doing all of you a favor, I can’t–I don’t deserve her.”

“It’s not your decision.” Dewdrop argues. Swiss is surprised by his persistence, even though he knows the man is stubborn and more sharp-witted and wiser than he lets on. “She’ll forgive you, it’s how she is, you just have to be patient. Don’t run away, it’ll hurt her even more.”

“She’s scared of me.”

“Yeah, because you murdered more people than this town even has!” he bites back, nearly laughing, and Swiss hurts. Although he deserves it, he supposes. “I’m scared of you, too.”

Swiss’ breath hitches and he lets it back out with a dry sob, “Then why the hell are you trying to stop me?”

Dewdrop throws his arms up, nearly spooking Monty. “Because none of that matters! You said that the Shadow is not the true you and you’ve been here for long enough for me to believe that. Get rid of him once and for all and everything will be alright. Mounty will forgive you and forget about the fear.”

There’s nothing else Swiss can say. He wants to believe Dewdrop’s right, he needs him to be right if he is to stay, but he knows he’ll fuck it up all over again if he does. That’s just what he does.

Heartbreak and grief follow him wherever he goes, why would Sundown be any different?

“Come on, let’s get you a drink,” Dewdrop sighs, taking Swiss’ arm. His eyes widen, he’s not ready to see Mounty just yet, it’s too– “Relax, she ain't there now.”

He doesn’t say anything, but he lets the other walk him to the saloon, leaving tacked-up Monty behind. She looks rather pleased with the outcome, going back to her hay right away.

Dewdrop lets Swiss and himself in from the back and goes to make him a drink, leaving the cowboy in the storage. His head is throbbing and he really does need a drink, but he doubts whatever Dewdrop is pouring is going to be enough.

Before he realizes what he's doing he grabs an unopened bottle of whiskey off a shelf and shoves it under his shirt.

Just then Dewdrop comes back and hands him a glass that Swiss downs in two gulps. It burns his throat and belly but it's not enough.

Still, he thanks the other, “I'm gonna go now, I'll…I'll try to bring myself to talk to Mounty tomorrow.”

“You better.” With that Dewdrop leaves and Swiss heads back to the stable. Maybe he'll be warmer later, when the night comes, thanks to the alcohol. He takes the tack off Monty and settles himself on that same cube of hay that he slept on.

He sighs at how pathetic he is as he opens the bottle and glues his lips to it, reveling in the bitter taste and the acidic burn going down his throat.

A few hours later he notices he's moved. Or was moved.

Where? He doesn't really know but it's harder under his ass than the hay. He hums an off-key tune under his breath, rolling his head from one side to the other against a piece of wood. Is it a wall?

He zones out with an empty mind and he giggles at the foggy void taking over his brain. He has no idea how long he's been there and even where he is or what he's doing. It's dark but it might just be that his eyes are closed.

“Swiss? What the hell are you doing?” someone asks. The man tries to blink but his eyes are closed so he just squeezes them tighter for a moment before he manages to actually open them. His face feels numb as he tries to smile.

Swiss wonders how that beautiful girl knows his name.

“I’m–nevermind, but I do know your name.” Did he say that out loud? “Do you know my name?”

“Hmpf…” he huffs, trying to open his mouth and actually say what he wants to, ”you're ver’pretty bu–but I can't.”

“Can't what?” the girl asks, standing over him with her hands on her hips.

Mounty doubts Swiss can register the emotions on her face if he can't even recognize her, but she tries to mask them anyway. She's worried, she didn't expect to see Swiss tonight, much less in such a state. She hasn't made peace with all of what happened yet, but she still loves him and cares about him.

“There’s a girl, I–” Swiss hiccups, “I don't think she likes me anymore but–but I'm in love with her, y’know? So I…I can't do anything w’you.”

“That's fine.” Mounty crouches down, smiling, despite everything, at Swiss' ramble. He's drunk out of his mind and doesn’t realize it's her before him, but he is still loyal. “I just wanted to make sure you're okay over here, kind sir.”

“I ain’t a sir,” he giggles. “‘m a mess.”

“Respectfully, you have a point,” the barmaid agrees. She comes closer and reaches out to grab Swiss’ hand, trying to not shudder at the feeling of his skin on hers again, even though it's been barely twenty four hours since everything went down. “Which is why you can't stay here, come on, let's get you up.”

“No, I can't go w’you, my–my girl’s gonna be angry,” Swiss slurs in protest, shaking his head clumsily.

“Yeah?” Mounty can't help but giggle now, too. “I think your girl is gonna be more angry if you freeze to death out here.”

“Hmmm…but–but you can't touch me, ‘cause ‘m hers, o–okay?”

“Okay, I promise to not touch you anywhere weird,” Mounty grabs his other hand and tries to haul him up. It works as well as it can with Swiss in such a state, with him stumbling into her arms once he's up, “but I think I have to help you walk up the stairs, don't I?”

“Uh…p–pos–billy,” he hiccups again, but nods, grinning up at the girl. His breath stinks, but Mounty doesn't really mind. She is a barmaid after all, it's not the first drunk man she's dealing with. It is her man, though, this time.

She all but hangs him over her shoulder and walks into the saloon. The stairs are a challenge, but neither of them falls down, so Mounty considers it a success when she drops Swiss onto a bed in one of the guest rooms. She’s not ready to put him back in hers, not before they have a proper talk about everything. She knows she is going to forgive him, especially after what Dewdrop told her earlier, but they have to talk first.

Still, there’s a little voice in the back of Mounty’s head telling her to milk more out of Swiss. “Tell me about your girl, won't ya?”

“Oh, oh, she's…she's s’pretty, y’know? No offense t’you, but she’s the prettiest girl ever,” the man rambles, gesturing wildly. His eyes are wide and glassy—not only because of alcohol—and his grin is as wide and bright as ever. “She's an angel! She’s kind and–and lovely…and a–also she has nice…very nice boobies.”

“Huh.” Mounty puts a hand over her mouth so as not to snort. Of course he had to mention her tits. “She sounds amazing.”

“She is…” Swiss sighs dreamily, freezing with a goofy smile as he—most likely—gets lost in memories from not so long ago.

“Anyway, it’s way past bedtime for you, kind sir,” she snaps him out of it when she notices his eyes start to close on their own. “I think your girl would agree.”

“Mhmmm,” he hums in acknowledgement. “She’s always tellin’ me to go to bed when I don't wanna.”

“Sounds like she’s smart, too.” Mounty pushes him on the shoulder and he falls back like a ragdoll, flat on the bed.

“Mmm, the smartest,” Swiss mumbles, wiggling on the bed in something that looks like a rather poor attempt at getting comfortable. The barmaid shakes her head and throws a blanket over him.

And resists the urge to bend down and kiss him.

Swiss blinks and suddenly it’s morning.

His head is pounding and someone knocks on the door again and it doesn’t help it—even though it’s rather quiet. He realizes that the knocking is what woke him up. He tries to roll over and maybe get up to get the door but a wave of dizziness washes over him so he resolves to calling out, “Come in.”

His heart skips a beat when he sees Mounty in the door. Only now he realizes that he’s in one of the saloon rooms, but how he ended up there is a mystery. Though he supposes it might have something to with that bottle of whiskey he snatched yesterday.

Fuck.

“Good morning,” Mounty says, leaning against the doorframe. Swiss’ stomach turns and it’s not his hangover’ fault. “How are you feeling?”

“I’ve had way too much,” he mumbles. “Who brought me in here?”

“I did.” The barmaid shrugs and the corner of her mouth twitches upwards at Swiss’ grimace. “Found you half-conscious on my doorstep last night. Don’t remember much, do you?”

“Not really,” the cowboy admits. He sits up to lean against the wall and watches as Mounty walks inside and shuts the door behind her. She has a little basket hanging off of her arm and Swiss notices there’s faint steam coming from it.

“I can imagine. Here,” she hands him the basket, “from Rain.”

The man groans as the smell finally reaches him; freshly fried sausage with a slice of buttered bread and a glass of water.

“Thank you. Not only for this, for…everything.” Swiss takes a sip of water first, and even though he is not a fan of such a simple drink, his dehydration makes it taste heavenly. “Can we talk?”

Mounty doesn’t reply, but she nods before sitting on the edge of an empty bed across the bed. The man takes a bite out of his breakfast and it is delicious—as anything made by Rain—but there’s a certain bitterness to it at the distance that the other has put between them. He couldn’t expect anything less, but it aches nonetheless.

“Let’s start with apologies. I shouldn’t have hid who I was. We wouldn’t have gotten where we did if I had been honest, but I should’ve been, you didn’t deserve getting lied to. All I wanted was to get out of that life once and for all. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, sweetheart. You have no idea how much I regret everything.”

Mounty remains silent, but her eyes are on Swiss. Her presence alone is more than he could’ve wished for after everything. He swallows a few more bites of the food she brought and washes it down with more water before he dares to continue.

“Can I…will you let me explain everything?” he asks once the breakfast is gone. Swiss pulls his knees up and curls up as much as he can under a scratchy blanket; he tries not to think about how Mounty must’ve pulled it over him yesterday. “Can I tell you my story? I don’t want it to be an excuse, nothing can excuse what I did, but I just…I need you to know. Will you let me tell you?”

The barmaid still doesn’t speak, but her gaze is soft and somewhat curious, as if she’s trying to be angry with him—mad, even—but can’t bring herself to hate him and is looking for a reason to forgive him, whether it’s there or not.

Swiss doesn’t deserve her in the slightest.

The problem, though, is that his lie—or rather avoiding the truth—is, after all, the least serious of his crimes. He's a murderer and even if Mounty can forgive his dishonesty, he can't imagine she'd be willing to look past all of his sins.

“I have…had a sister. Our dad was famous for getting into all kinds of trouble and one day he got himself killed and my sister—Sunny—kidnapped,” he pauses to take a deep, shuddering breath. He hasn’t uttered her name since the day he buried her. He wipes a tear from the corner of his eye, threatening to fall, before he continues. “I had nothing, there was nothing I could’ve done to get her back, but I went there and begged, offered my life in exchange for hers. They…those men decided that they’ll let her go when I pay off our father’s debt by doing all their dirty work for a while. That’s how the Shadow came to be.”

“How did…what happened to her?” Swiss flinches at Mounty’s voice. She sounds like Sunshine did, a bit; something he has noticed that first night down by the bar and tried so hard to ignore all these months.

“I did all they wanted, all their bidding, everything. I became a monster, a soulless–” he says, barely above a whisper. “I should’ve known it seemed too easy, that they weren’t men of their word.” 

He drops his head against his knees, still not fully able to say…it out loud. Saying something, letting it sound, makes things real and Swiss is far away from accepting the reality in which she’s not with him.

It’s barely audible when he does say it, “They killed her the moment they didn’t need me anymore.”

“Swiss, baby, I’m–” Mounty gasps. “I’m so, so sorry. Nobody should have to go through anything like that.”

“I killed all of them that night,” the man chuckles pitifully, sniffling wetly as he rubs his eyes against the blanket. “That’s why nobody heard of me after that, because there was no Shadow anymore, he died with his masters. I should’ve done that earlier, I should’ve fought and saved her, I–I failed her, Momo.”

The barmaid is speechless. She…Swiss shouldn’t have lied to her, but she understands—though not really, she’s never gone through something as awful as the man before her, but she can understand how all he wanted was…out. 

“I don’t–I don’t want you to forgive me and take me back with open arms,” the cowboy cries quietly, “it's just that…what I need is for you to–to understand. Please, sweetheart, just tell me you understand why I did what I did.”

“I do, darling,” Mounty states, loud and clear, and Swiss sobs with relief, choking on air. “But I will–I am taking you back with open arms. You're mine and I'm yours, Swiss.”

She gets up and walks over to the other bed—with her arms open, indeed. She’s not much bigger than the cowboy, but in that moment he’s tiny, as fragile as a man can be. Mounty wraps her arms around him and pulls him close, lets him sob into her chest.

“Seeing her body…seeing her, my baby sister, and having to bury her, I–I don’t… Believe me, sweetheart, I have paid for all I’ve done t–tenfold.”

“C’mere, lay down,” Mounty whispers as she strokes Swiss’ arm with all the gentleness in the world, not knowing any words that could fill the gaping hole in his heart. He keeps quiet, but obeys, resting his head on the barmaid’s shoulder. She brings them both down and tightens her arms around him, trying to comfort that broken, broken man as much as she can. She doesn’t feel like it’s enough and Swiss doesn’t have words to tell her that it’s more than enough and way more than he deserves.

What he can tell her, though, is words that he’s never going to be too overwhelmed, exhausted or hungover to say.

“I love you, girl.”

Swiss is afraid that he’s not going to hear it back ever again, but Mounty smiles and mutters, “I love you, too, cowboy.”

Somehow, hope fills him. Hope that they’re going to be okay.

He’s surprised to find himself believing it.

[zalrb]

PLL 1x08 Review - As Per Anon Request

If Toby and Jenna really did sleep together and a therapist knows, like I'm not sure what the laws would be with regards to informing the parents if the parents don't know already, and I'm aware that this show doesn't care about the law, but it makes no sense for Jenna and Toby to be in the same house anymore.

Do TVD and PLL share a theme? Their recap theme sounds very much like one of TVD's themes.

"How did he get into an ivy league school?" You can get into an ivy league school and listen to punk, Aria. 🙄

Must've been affirmative action for goths and emos? Really Spencer?

"I wish we could choose the age we wanted to be and just stay there." I bet you thought that was really deep, Aria.

"It's gruesome." No, the correct word would be morbid. It's morbid.

"The fact that is a one pay cheque family." Does your ex husband not pay child support and alimony?

Jason does not look like he would be Alison's brother.

I mean, if I was minding my business and then got blinded because some girls decided to stink bomb my house, I would mess with them too, the fuck.

"How are we going to stop her without looking like bitches?" I mean, you were all complicit in blinding her. We are well past that.

I am lowkey fascinated with how horrible Shay is in this.

Oh yay, an Ezra flashback.

"So Noel's at this place where he wants to ask her but not if she's going to say no." That's a Noel thing, Sean, who the hell wants to be rejected asking someone out?

Also, every time I see Noel in the subtitles, I pronounce it Noël in my head. I guess some French Immersion stuck, idk.

Oh God, Maya and the slouchy beanie. That was my look for a while.

I like how they're "selling stuff online" but won't just work part-time somewhere.

I like when Aria thought that Emily's dad may be sick or dead or hurt she asks "Is he OK?" from the door and doesn't rush over to sit next to her. Details.

Aria and Emily should also never be alone in a scene together, they need a scene partner who can carry them and neither one can do that for the other.

CAN JENNA WEAR SOMETHING OTHER THAN BLACK.

"Do you ever get tired of going after the low hanging fruit?" "Don't ruin a perfect day, Spencer." LMAO.

Oooh A said "I'll be watching just like Tom Sawyer" and Tom Sawyer went to his own funeral so omg it's a cluuuueeeeeee OR IS IT?

Hanna shakes her head a lot because she's trying to emphasize something.

Hanna, REPORT HIM.

"She deserves this memorial and so do we." LOL Spencer's speech would just solidify that I would fuck shit up at hat memorial.

Nothing has indicated to me why they were all friends with her.

"I would write a cheque but I don't trust my cheque booking skills for now" how does that make sense in this context?

Is Aria's dad and Hanna's mom going to be a thing because that would be funny.

"The secrets of the girls cuddled up in Alison's bedroom" what brother speaks this way about his sister or her friends.

I feel like I remember that there's something off about him. Idk.

"Just because I made it up doesn't mean it's not true." Alison, listen to that sentence.

"Aria, the lights in this how are dimming because of all of the energy you're sucking out of the air." HA.

"I mean aren't you always going to be 'The Friend of That Girl Who Was Murdered'?" ... no?

Aria, just go home.

"So I guess this guy was serious." Yes, we made out a couple of times and had the same amount of conversations. And he's a predator.

I like how sterile the interiors of all the houses look. They didn't even try to make it seem like people lived there.

"Don't sell your things." Just get a JOB.

Look at Lucy doing this memorial speech, trying to act.

Couldn't even smash all of the tiles?

[cosmic-giraffe]

So...my thoughts on yesterday's developments (I'm so not okay y'all 😭)

1) First of all, I'll start off lighter-hearted. It was nice seeing Tsuno and Tamba opening up to each other about how they're dealing with the deaths of their friends. We haven't had many interactions between the two so it was a welcome change of pace. It was also great hearing Tamba not screeching for once (I like her but God her voice gets on my nerves sometimes).

2) Ken and Kazutoshi!!!!!!!!!!!! These two really should just kiss and get it over with, they're tip-toeing around the issue so much lmao

3) On the other hand, Nakamigawa finally found it in himself to come out!!!!!! This was a very moving moment for me and a lot of other gay people. Dealing with such a deep-seeded case of comphet isn't easy in your daily life, when you feel like you can't truly be yourself for fear of alienation or rejection. So that's why he still intends to keep up his womaniser persona. And I found it really interesting that the person Hiroaki came out to was Yanagi of all people. The same guy he'd fought with plenty times and gave him a broken nose and tooth, was the same guy who offered him kindness and understanding in such a sensitive moment. That was such a great step towards mending their friendship.

4) MAI!!!!!!!!!!!!! So now that Monomoko has been given the all-clear to enact punishments in any way they deem necessary, it could mean that Mai could be executed for trying to break down the door. I really hope that Monomoko has just teleported her to the interview room or something and that it will give Mai a chance to reconsider this strategy. I really don't want Mai to be killed so suddenly, especially before Tamba has the chance to apologise to her.

5) Speaking of, maybe Mai has renewed determination to break out because of what Tamba said to her?? Yes, it was said in a moment of anger, but it still clearly affected Mai enough to make her cry. Maybe this is a way of atoning for her mistakes?? Although Mai did everything she could to stop anybody from committing murder.

6) Now...Okazaki. Okazaki Okazaki Okazaki O k a z a k i. I have been patient with this person. I have loved this person. I have been a fan of this person since the start, because I loved their weird vibe and their design and their lovely voice and how they danced to the beat of their own drum (pun unintended). But lately...they have been really pushing the limits of how much I can defend them. I defended them in the second class trial when they discharged a firearm into a crowded room. I defended them when they first locked poor Wada in the bathroom stall, as it was their way of proving his innocence. The ends justifying the means and all that. But after they needlessly targeted him a second time, it was much harder to trust their actions came from a place of good intentions. AND NOW THEY JUST TRIED STRANGLING WADA BECAUSE HE SNITCHED????????????? Darling, this is NOT THE WAY!!!!! Okazaki is PLENTY aware of the horrific abuse Wada went through in his home life, and they're weaponizing that fear to make him obedient and to not talk about the harm they're inflicting on him. It's really hard to defend their actions when it seems like they're doing this purely to get a thrill out of harming another person. They even threatened to do it again if Wada spoke about the incident to anybody else, which is a common fear tactic abusers use to control their victims and let the mistreatment continue. I really hope Okazaki gets their comeuppance sooner rather than later because Wada doesn't deserve to live in fear of the next blow, poor guy.

These thoughts were kind of rambley but Friday was a lot more explosive than I thought it would be!! And as for next week...

"BODY DISCOVERY 3 (DATA EXPUNGED)"

"BODY DISCOVERY 4 (DATA EXPUNGED)"

[zumpietoo]

She was mad and bitter that they attended a protest together, and tried so hard to made it seem like they were a thing. It's all so childish lmao - she also couldn't stand that Madelaine was always supporting the idea that Cole deserved better than her. And - allegedly - Madelaine tried to tell Cole that Lili cheated on him while on set, which ofc caused hostility..

As for the fan accounts, Lili's had them since 2017! Was always behind the rumors that he was the one cheating. Also heard she pays her "fans" to promote her skincare brand, and back in 2020 tried to make the cast choose her over him since she couldn't handle how much time they wanted to spend with him.

I am just sooooo sorry it took me so freakin' long to answer this---because I was aware of it, but between work being just super busy/a big hot mess lately and my having somewhat melted my olddd laptop (yes, for realsies, it remains usable, but there's a big burn splotch on it, so I opted to wait for my new one to get here)/setting up the new one (and ongoing Xmassing) I just didn't have the time to reply and respond the way I wanted to....

I could believe all of that about Mads, honestly......their "friendship" was clearly always all for show. Interestingly, back in the day, I thought PP was the innocent one and Mads was simply jelly, etc, but it's become moar and moar apparent the opposite was true.

Still think Crotchi was always wanting Cole's D, but that remains on her.....I mean consider, excepting the highly staged, embarrassing Halloween stunt they'd do every year (until this one), PP almost never attended either of their Bdays, etc....but Cole frequently did.

And, OFC, there was MM's verrryyyyyy quick escape from attempting to be roomies with Peepster during Covid quaranteen, to the point of her leaving in a very few days to live with Joey and Danny(????), even as, turns out, they were in the process of breaking up....but THAT was actually preferable for her.

I have zero doubts her fan accounts pimp that shit and, again, as we've always seen, while she does have a rabid (but, LBR, ever-dwindling) fanbase, it remains verrryyyy finite. It's precisely why nobody's bought Horn and Hardart and most of her other stuff seems to simply disappear in a few hot seconds....

Given how fucked up it all would turn out to be, I frequently wonder if those weird, gaslighting trolls I used to get in DMs, desperately seeking to convince me Cole was an OHHH EMMM GEEE cheetoh cheetah!!! Weren't spurred by Amy, as well.....

Plus, OFC, it remains, even now....why TF do they exactly hate him soooo much? Even if Cole HAD cheated, whelp, there's no shortage of that----and they carry on like he was a serial rapist/murderer on the level of Ted Bundy.....seriously. And plenty of other peeps in that case to legit hate on in TinselTown even then....

And we all know Cole didn't cheat (that was PP and they were on again/off again....but we also know they all freak out that Cole started dating "other" wimmin well past 6 months after fully dumping her psycho ass, once and for all), and, honestly, never remotely as serious as Cole now is with Ari...full of lots of break-ups, too....

And if anybody's gonna "buuttt Breetchhh....."

A) loony-toons and, frankly, is most famous for having been his bitter ex, THAT was also like a decade ago, so that she can't move on is just beyond pathetic.

B) See above AND his freakin' college GF.....

I will now answer your OTHER ask/points, because there was lots there, too....

[monards]

so i played symbiosis.

now tell me

1. what do you think happens after the game ends in the basement.

2. what are your headcannon ideas for more endings and/or a ‘true’ one?

3. why exactly is his nickname mint. how is he invasive!! and he isn’t used as a spice either!!! (or is he? a flavouring in magnolia’s sad lonely life)

ommg hihihi!!! I'm so glad you played!!!!! so sorry this is a bit of a late response,, i really had to think about these questions. also very sorry because i actually rambled an insurmountable amount for this,, LMAO. ok brace yourself, hereee we go (adding the keep reading thing because i dont need to be flooding innocent people's home page with this.)

// Honestly,, I dont have a like, huge idea of what happened after that ending (mostly because of the lack of context around a lot of the stuff, and boy do i need context to function!!!) but I think there's a lot of ways the ending in the basement could've technically gone after the cut off depending on how you interpret Mint at that point. We know Mint was always aware of what Magnolia did, as he mentions in his diary entry; but what happened next REALLY depends on how he copes with that as he grew up. Dove obviously got him into school, or some sort of formal education; where he'd then learn about 'right and wrong' which, as far as education systems go; tends to be VERY black and white. Meaning they'd likely respond with full conviction that Magnolia's actions were wrong and completely unjustifiable. So under the situation he had followed and grown into that line of thinking afterwards, there's no doubt he'd probably not have the most happy reaction to seeing Magnolia again,, butttt on the other hand, and what i believe to be the case a LOT more; he grew up being taught that people do what they do for a reason. Magnolia taught him to always do stuff for himself, because more often than not, what's 'right' isn't always the best for you; and it's okay to go against what's commonly known as the 'right thing to do' for that reason!! He'd likely grown aware at some point that most if not everything Magnolia had done while he lived with her, was for him to live. She murdered people because she needed blood to feed him; she hid them deep in the forest because she didn't want to be arrested and risk anything happening to mint, in the case he got into the wrong hands; and OBVIOUSLY it's a bit hard to completely disregard that line of thinking after so many years,, even if that line of thinking may of been a bit altered in him learning about what magnolia had really done to people, and her effect on others. So I could totally believe him just breaking down the moment he saw her again; knowing everything he'd know as of that point He's also, like, the biggest mama's boy i've ever seen in media; so I wouldn't put it past him if, upon seeing Magnolia again, he really did get emotional and just sorta started crying. Because old habits die hard.

// To be completely honest, I think knowing magnolia; both endings worked perfectly well in their own ways!! We know Magnolia really did love Mint, and her different responses to that love is really shown well in both endings :) Ending A obviously shows her wanting to give mint a better future. Just as it's acknowledged in the FAQ, she is a very horrible person; since she's. yknow. a fugitive and mass murderer. But she willingly puts herself at risk of being arrested, and presumably leaves dove who she clearly still loved on some level to likely die after stealing her gun, because she knows that as things were going, she'd never be able to provide Mint the life he deserves. And If anything, Magnolia clearly doesn't want to be as her parents were to her, to Mint. But Ending B is just as good in the regard that it shows the concept of Magnolia not being good for others, and that despite her best efforts; she almost always sours her relationships with those she loves (which is so, so, so great of an idea when you tie it in with 'symbiosis' as the title LMAO) No offense to Magnolia,, but she's like, almost pathetically horrible at conveying her feelings and emotions in any context. She was already blunt and mean in college without much provocation, and she never seemed to show her love for Dove *that* clearly (i mean,, we saw her smile once but that was in their wedding photo. cmon) so Ending B does great at reminding us,, 'hey,, she's still the same no matter what.' At least in this case we know she loves mint, but did mint even know that? By the time he's grown up, he looks just like magnolia did at that age; straight faced, apathetic looking in most cases, and generally not good at conveying anything but negative emotions. And we know for magnolia,, all of that emotion for her was a result of how she grew up (because i REALLY doubt she'd be this cynical and miserable if her parents weren't assholes, no hate) ; so it does so great to show that no matter Magnolia's best efforts, she was really never going to be as good as she wanted to be, because that's just the way she is, that's her effect on others.

// Honestly,, I always just interpreted his name as the sort of tie and relationship between him and Magnolia; and how their connection and effect on each other is far different from her previous one relationship and connect to Dove !!!! Doves, as a whole, are separate from Magnolias (as in the plant species,) because Doves are birds. And that same line of thought carries over to the characters too!!-- Dove had a freedom Magnolia didn't by being able to express herself and show her compassion and emotions without much complication; but though she changed Magnolia in her interactions with her- as we see magnolia was clearly more expressive, and emotionally available with her- she would have never have a permeant effect on her, because anything a bird can manage to do to a Magnolia tree has very temporary effects. (Hence the game's title "symbiosis" ; the interaction and relationship between two organisms !!! ) But Mint is also a 'plant' , (in this context, figuratively and literally ) So in some ways, he's just like Magnolia in that regard, since they're the same 'species' ; in this case being the way they're both 'irregular' and different from those around them. But just like you noted; mint is invasive. The plant itself can permanently alter the area and environment around it and it's generally very hard to get rid, leaving lasting impact. The moment Mint became a part of Magnolia's life, her life was permanently changed. We see she became far more empathetic than before, and her drive for what she did was no longer purely for knowledge, but compassion; and in both endings she so clearly does what she does under the context of her love for him!! And, in the basement ending (Ending B) despite all the time that had passed, she still seems to have those far more 'open' qualities coming about when it comes to him!!; cue her being so much more positively expressive and welcoming upon seeing him, compared to her reunion with dove. so for the most part, that's what i headcanon as the background for his nickname as'mint' !!!! :))

i had soso much fun answering these,, thank you so much kshkshks!!!!!! 💜💜

[sketching-shark]

I say we gotta put LEMH back into the dirt. He gotta go

Im tire of him being v feminized and being treated as uwu poor meow meow

He doesn’t even actually have a name yet the name that describes him gets treated as such benevolence?? W a c k

Im hating on his moon symbolism, mf doesn’t deserve one of swk parents to represent him

awegrrstghsfds man you guys are really dunking on lego show LEMH on my blog today. But yeah anon the uwufication of the Six-Eared Macaque was kind of funny at first but personally now I just see it as increasingly annoying and depressing. First because YEAH for as much as people keep saying that Monkie Kid gave him more of a character it's still a character fundamentally driven by his violent obsession with Sun Wukong to the point where there's little about him that isn't based on his dealings with the Monkey King, & now there's basically 0 sign that he'll get to cultivate a personality outside of that (X_X).

Also definitely sucks that so much of the sympathy & background the shadow simian's been given is a direct result of the show itself characterizing SWK with increasingly frequency as a selfish destructive idiot who ruins the lives of everyone around him & fandom running with that. I've said before that one of my favorite things about og classic SWK is how blunt he is about the reasons behind his actions, and how even when he's being ultra-violent you can usually understand why he's acting that way. In Xiyouji the whole REASON SWK went after LEMH as furiously as he did was because this monkey not only badly hurt his loved ones in both the pilgrimage and the Mt. Huaguoshan monkey yaoguai troop, but was aiming to murder-replace the Monkey King so he could have all the glory of that identity for himself. But in Monkie Kid? Well it turns out that LEMH defended his bff SWK to the end only to be betrayed by a Monkey King who just completely sucks now I guess! And yes yes I know they keep saying we don't have the full story but come on it's been 4 seasons and we've only ever gotten LEMH's perspective all while SWK either runs around blundering into one catastrophe after another or gets taken out of the story. Definitely does seem at times like as a direct result both canon and fanon is gunning to replace SWK with LEMH so I guess congratulations to Monkie Kid LEMH for achieving what Xiyouji LEMH couldn't lmao.

And yeah I know I know things will probably get cleared up in one way or another what with skewed perspectives more of the story to tell etc. but as it stands it's kind of nuts just how much of the current hatred for SWK is based on the understanding pushed by the show itself that he's absolutely in the wrong for whatever went down between him and LEMH, all while LEMH is I guess forever defined by a guy he despises. Fully aware that things are open to change, but personally I see this as the worst end for both characters (X_X)

[morgenlich]

i do want to preface this by saying that overall i really did enjoy the good place, i think it's a fun show that's given me more to chew on than i expected it to. but part of that chewing is definitely me thinking about things i think it could have done better....

i already joked that it's over with supernatural in terms of things that are very deeply american protestant and seem to lack self-awareness of this.....characters keep refuting the idea that it's not christian heaven or hell, and it's not really but also the concept of an eternal Good Place where super virtuous people are rewarded forever and an eternal Bad Place where anyone shy of perfect gets tortured by demons forever. well.

i think overall though my biggest criticism of the show is that it's very....safe. this isn't necessarily a bad thing, it makes it very enjoyable to watch, but i think there's something missing in the criticism of the idea of a Good Place or Bad Place. now, mind you, i am coming at this from a perspective that totally rejects the concept of an eternal Good Place or Bad Place existing in the first place, which i'll elaborate on throughout the rest of this but yeah.

i think one of the things that gets me is that the main characters are like...none of them are really evil, except michael in the beginning and that's mostly played for laughs and it's also kind of a different situation with him being a demon and all lol. like yeah, eleanor and jason especially were kinda scummy people, and eleanor was even kind of aware of the fact that she was and jason suffers from being the idiot friend in the sitcom which means he has like zero brain cells.

anyway point is like, i don't think any of the main four humans really are going to like, really challenge people's ideas of whether or not the Bad Place should even exist at all, and the show also wasn't really going for that, and that sort of frustrates me because i'm just fundamentally opposed to the idea of Eternal Torture even for the worst of the worst. like. even if you uphold that an amount of torture as retribution for evil in the afterlife, assuming it exists, is a good and just thing (which is also something i fundamentally oppose), then like. for eternity??? that's a very long time! it feels like, even for like the Absolute Worst Humans, the sentence far far outweighs the crime!

but anyway it just doesn't feel very...challenging, that the main four humans were like, kinda scummy people, who absolutely did harm others (but pretty much only emotional harm, overall, none of them were ever violent) but like i would absolutely never call evil. like, ok, eleanor's job on earth was trying to scam old people out of money by convincing them to buy useless supplements. not exactly any points (heh) in her favor but also like idk, she had bills to pay and it was a job. not saying that it's harmless (i actually think it's worse than the show kinda makes it out to be?) but like, i don't think many people would necessarily think that she actually deserves to be in the Bad Place for it either?

i think the show would have been more interesting if there had been someone who had actually been more, like, hashtag problematic in the main cast who of course ends up learning and growing and so on, but someone who seems to really belong in the Bad Place (i think this would also make the initial Torture Scheme--which i did think was a brilliant way to write psychological torture btw lmao--more interesting. someone who is both bad and self aware enough to really think from the beginning that they shouldn't be allowed into the Good Place, and trying desperately to cover that up...maybe confronting their guilt over like the murder or whatever that they committed....). i think it'd make the tone of the show a bit less goofy, but imo that's not necessarily a bad thing either

[kivaember]

37. Promote one of your own “deep cut” fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves!). What do you like about it?

48. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

💜💜💜

37. Promote one of your own “deep cut” fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves!). What do you like about it?

man i've written so many fic and in armored core fandom i feel like my fics get quite a bit of traction considering how small the fandom is. i mean averaging between 40 kudos on those fics is pretty impressive!

But I suppose (strictly sticking to my current fandom of AC6) I would like some of my Walt/Mich and Flatwell/O'Keeffe to get more traction, even though I'm aware they're fringe ships compared to the likes of viv621. But it's fine I'll write for like the five people who like those fics so we can all go insane together haha

I will say I'm very surprised that the rusty/freud fic (or viviv as i'm gonna call their shipname lmao) got as much attention as i did since i think i'm the only one?? who's written that?? it is a good ship though. consumed my brain with ideas for it. hope i'll inspire other people too with that.

48. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

Oh man with this question I'm gonna do more than one. Let's see top five I've read recently are:

helping the world via murder, a guide by your local reformed terrorist by RK7200 which is a Jujutsu Kaisen/Naruto crossover. I'm totally blind to JJK but the premise intrigued me to try it and man, it's a good read and you can easily get by with very minimal JJK knowledge so long as you're savvy with your Naruto lore. Tl;dr Obito after dying revives as a curse in JJK world, and sends Gojo down the conspiracy rabbit hole thinking Obito is evidence of a big cover up in the Jujutsu world. Hilarious misunderstandings by all.

2. Mana by Eiruwei, an OC/Shisui Naruto fic that is amazingly written and I thoroughly enjoyed it, esp with how the person wrote their OC and explored their relationship with the Uchiha and Shisui. Really recommend giving it a read.

3. never gonna give you up by owlings, which is a Rusty-centric fic on trying to figure out who O'Keeffe's "babygirl" is (and being traumatised when he learns the answer is Flatwell). Genuinely made me laugh a lot and is very well-written, so please check it out.

4. SATOKO by quantumghosts, which is an OC-insert fic for Naruto and this is also amazingly written. Tl;dr an OC is isekai'd into Naruto as a female Naruto, and it does incredibly worldbuilding and character development between the characters, and Satoko really distinguishes herself as 'Naruto'. Really recommend this read.

5. Letters to Monsters by beccadbuss, this is yet another OC in Naruto fic, and it focuses on an OC and their relationship with the Bijuu before they're sealed away. Has a lot of focus on literature and the lessons they impart on people, and how sometimes an open hand and a willingness to understand achieves more than brute force. Genuinely an amazing read and I recommend!

6. Fire Rebirth by Blackbirdo, as a bonus sixth entry because I remembered it and it is genuinely fucking hilarious. Zuko is reincarnated as Itachi in Naruto and I read it if only because the summary read:

"To Zuko's great relief, his new family were not part of a cult. Instead they seemed to be rather normal; they were well-mannered, cultured, fire-breathing people who were very assured of their own superiority, and had a family history of insanity."

Seriously recommend it if you want a bit of silliness with a dash of "Zuko is somehow the only sane person here, incredibly, sort of".

Right, well! Those are my fanfic recommendations! You can tell I love OCs and people shipping OCs with canon characters and crossovers because yes, it results in many glorious stories tbh.

Thanks for the questions!

[zenballmaster]

I'd love to hear more about a Tai-Lung Shen meeting, because it sounds amazingly volatile. I cannot picture them getting along on any level.

OH BOY i'm glad you gave me this opportunity but i do have to apologize bc i just Exploded into rambling

ok so first off before anything else i have to explain that my own headcanon interpretation for tai lung is that he is shen’s opposite in a lot of ways

shen revels in being vindictive and bitter (even if after the fact it'll make him feel Worse). there is no part of him that wishes to be respected or admired over being Obeyed. he gets some sense of twisted satisfaction out of being the worst version of himself and Disappointing everyone who isn’t the soothsayer. do Not try to empathize with him! but also don’t you dare think of him as just some petty child throwing a tantrum bc his parents didn’t give him the exact gift he wanted once!! he’s a mess

tai lung on the other hand i’ve always thought very desperately wants to be admired and respected, and to be so for Being Good. he wants to be the beloved hero. but somewhere with him some lines end up crossed, and so he wishes to do heroic things, like protect the meeker and the more vulnerable, but not out of any real sense of empathy or compassion for them (not that he’s entirely aware of it, imo). he’s still inherently selfish and entitled, and unbelievably smug. he doesn’t know what it feels like to work for something he doesn’t already feel like he deserves, as i said once in a tag somewhere

still tho, objectively i think he would feel some amount of repulsion and righteous condemnation towards taking the same kind of actions shen has and does, at least when he’s not Blinded by his own emotions and entitlement

in short, he would look down on shen as nothing more than an unrepentant murderer and feel no compulsion to play nice, or to have any kind of respect for the guy. shen, being the prideful creature he is, i’m certain would find this turn of events Unacceptable

particularly and especially if he also Knew tai lung’s own history of violence, as it’d leave him feeling more furiously that tai lung was just a big ol’ hypocrite, and he’d make it his own personal mission to drag that condescending prick down to his level (the level he’s already On, in shen’s own not so humble opinion) so that he could metaphorically strip him bare in front of a mirror (shen himself) and show him just how monstrous he is, just how Alike the two of them are

additionally, but maybe kind of tangentially, when i first bumped into the kfp rpc scene back in 2013, 2014 or so, there existed a crack ship There which i still find. just. very compelling, and that crack ship was pairing tai lung and crane together. at the time there was an enduring headcanon (which i still really like) that the five were all different ages, and this particular RPer chose to portray crane as being in his 40s (another decision/headcanon i still really like)

it was a ship that mostly existed in the past, before tai lung’s uhhhh Incident, and what interactions i did glimpse implied an AU where tai lung survived the first movie and the two of them were still tiptoeing around each other, trying to figure out how to interact after all this bitterness when before they’d had such affection for each other

all this to say that my own more Specific version of this interaction playing out also had that foundation, where tai lung despite everything still has crane placed somewhat on a proverbial pedestal as an ideal for him to strive toward— strong, levelheaded and composed, but warm and responsive. he can be both sharp and sarcastic, but it’s always tempered with genuine care for loved ones and strangers alike

and shen Finds Out about that past relationship, puts some pieces together, and is able to puzzle out tai lung’s lingering Feelings. and, as shen is so wont to do, he endeavors then to ruin everything lmao

usually by going along with tai lung in emphasizing crane’s Goodness only to more viciously widen the gap between them, show tai lung just how Undeserving he is of crane’s forgiveness, should he ever choose to give it (at the time, he’s still quite cool and distant, but i imagine there’s some anger in there somewhere which tai lung is perceptive enough to Feel)

[celestialvexation-arch]

Idk if you're still talking about Alex Kiss-My-Asster, but tbh I've never been a huge fan of him in the first place. It isn't just because of the tweets he made that I've disagreed with, though.

This may just be a personal gripe to me, but in TMC, Alex uses actual police sketches in the series. There's only two that I'm actually aware of: the first, more obvious one is Derrick Todd Lee, with his police sketch used as a jumpscare in Volume 1. Lee had been arrested for stalking before the murder charges of seven women were made against him.

The second one is a bit trickier to find, and I couldn't find the name of the guy, but the initial Intruder pic was also a police sketch. An article made in 2007 (a thread of the evidence plus OG Reddit post where I found this info: https: //twitter. com/SociableBarely/status/1533958333157191680?lang=en) was made about a man in Kirkwood, Missouri. His crimes were less severe than Lee (this guy just breaking-and-entering, hitting the woman who owned the home, and stealing some of her more expensive stuff) but the fact is that Alex still used a criminal's sketch in his horror series.

Compared to his actions that's been revealed recently, I know using actual police sketches probably isn't a huge deal. Still, despite it being 2 years ago at this point, the fact Alex still used two criminals, with one being a serial killer, as appearances for his characters in TMC irks me a ton.

Wanted to go ahead and share this with you since this topic's been relevant on this blog recently lmao. Sorry if I'm being a bother!!

no, no, you're good! i'm all for shitting on alex since he deserves it lmao

yeah, a lot of people went on him for doing this since while it's kinda edgy to put real life tragedies and people as material or appearances for your content, it's still kinda oof when one of the sketches used was of an actual rapist and murderer -- he could have just did the whole thispersondoesnotexist thing

he was just turning 18, i believe, so many people gave him the benefit of the doubt when he decided to go to artists for that once he's gotten enough money

[vonkarma2]

Writing Crow Armitage meta IKR I’m contributing to the problem. God as my witness I will write meta about Kaleela or someone next. But I do think it’s interesting. So with Crow something I think is interesting about his character is two seemingly  very contradictory aspects, which is his excessive humility vs his egotism like ok. He is simeltaneously convinced he can’t do anything and needs external guidance and has a low opinion of himself relative to humanity (and to the people he ranks below ie basically just Dashwood he probably does think he’s better than Hollyhock lmao) + that his own thoughts and feelings don’t matter. But at the same time. He views himself as carrying out an important purpose as part of an important legacy and is condescending to others who don’t share his views, most especially to werewolves of course but also often unintentionally to humans as well. Both above and beneath everyone else.

 I think the layers are like as a child he thought he needed to do something important to help his family. He wasn‘t malicious or anything, but he did have a very high opinion of himself at the time. Thought it was cool that he was nobility, thought he was deserving of praise for his own abilities. And I think he does still carry this to some extent to this day, even though it has been greatly complicated. I think his faith in his own control over transformation + over any dangerous situation he gets into in general can be traced back not just to his success in battle over the years, but also to this time, when he was like 15 and had the overconfidence of a high school boy lmfao. Just genuinely sincerely thought he knew better than everyone else, and had a very high opinion of both his knowledge and his ability. What a fucking loser.

Now as an adult he wants his agency taken away, as we’ve stated before, because he can’t trust himself, because if he does he’ll know he’s made a huge mistake. He is at least generally aware, even if he’s not sure why, that the initial decision to leave his family was wrong. And honestly on some level he probably *does* know specifically that what he’s doing is wrong, because of the regret he would have felt as a teenager the first time he got sent to fucking murder someone with his bare hands. He was canonically very distressed by this, he didn’t actually want to hurt anyone, they had to do a lot of heavy lifting to convince him it was justified both before and after the fact. So it’s the regret from that and the recognition of the initial decision to take the aconite in the first place as where it kind of all went wrong that he started his classic strategy of compensating for internal doubt by quadrupling down on what other people are telling him.

So that’s where you see the start of ignoring his own thoughts and beliefs and actively playing into the ideology as a way to cope with the reality of his situation. The ideology says he’s beneath humans, he’s an extension of the Equipoise’s will, he has to take orders from the Prime Gardener because he’s the one who knows what’s best to protect humanity. So of course he does, he genuinely believes in all of this, starts thinking that not only his own beliefs but also straight up his life is not valuable except with regards to being a tool of lycanthropy.

But that’s not all that other people are telling him, right. Part of the manipulation is kind of stroking his ego a little, or more so, like, exaggerating his importance. The outside world is full of heretics full of killers you’re the only thing standing between humanity and the total violence most werewolves are either actively perpetuating or want to. This idea of his own importance contributes to his conviction, right, because it adds a sense of urgency and necessity, and it also associates that with being above other werewolves. 

The commitment to all of this where the contradiction comes in, right. Because he is so completely devoted to the ideology as a way to cover up his own doubts, he can’t let other people question it or go against it either, so in a way it is like he is believing his judgment to be above questioning whereas theirs is not. He is above questioning because he’s replaced his own thoughts with other peoples’, and he sure as hell isn’t going to question them. He becomes like very condescending and very adamant about the points of view others have given him.

So it’s like both sides of the coin. He’s so convinced he’s right about everything because he knows he’s horribly wrong. 

Tangent that’s only semi-related: Another thing with him that’s kind of funny is that because he has not successfully repressed every single thought and desire he has, he becomes very adherent to the letter and not the spirit of the law, right, which you can see in the main story with taking Lennox with him on one of his missions just because he wanted to impress him, thus putting him directly in danger. He doesn’t see a problem with this because the Sanctum can’t take issue with it as long as they never find out, so he isn’t violating any orders :). This makes him a massive fucking hypocrite and an even worse person, but it’s also very funny. Do not take my word for this last paragraph though because I’m not 100% sure on all the details here. The spirit of what Im saying is correct he is a hypocritical bitch for sure

[sunshineandviolets]

An Update to my TWC OCs:

under read more since this will be a little long, lmao

Divya Mistry

Identifies as genderfluid now, uses she/he/they.  Still with a terrible relationship with Rebecca. Has been getting in trouble with the law for quite a few times. A few months before the start of book 1, Divya was made to do community service work in town – because they protested heavily against Rebecca and the captain’s offer for being an officer instead of jail time. After his community work was finished, had been looking for a job in town since. Mostly recently (just at the start of book 1) received a job offer from Haley, since both were close during school, to work as an assistant at her bakery. Mostly just on tills and making drinks.

Only got involved with the whole murder investigation because knew something weird was going on in town and if anyone asks why they care to find the murderer, would exclaim that its cause they are one of the idiots that live in this town. And that there are some good people living here, they don’t deserve to live in fear.

Shivani Gupta

Usually spent her childhood alone, with no one but herself to really talk to. Enjoys spending most of her days in the gardens. However, there was tension between Rebecca and her aunt & uncle, since they were adamant for wanting Shivani to stay with them – worried that Rebecca was struggling on her own and wanted to help. With Rebecca’s pride / stubbornness and young Shivani thinking high of her mother, wanting to believe her mother cares for her – doesn’t move in with the aunt & uncle. But they still both did visit on occasion , and Shivani started to grow more closer to them than Rebecca herself.

In final years of college (going into masters), was in a very close relationship with Bobby. had a previous relationship prior that Shivani was rather distraught over ending. then Bobby and Her had been together for a few years and Shivani felt it could’ve progressed further for a proposal soon. But sadly... that day never came, esp after finding out about being used for her articles and realisation that Shivani kept trying to change herself to please someone who doesn’t care much for returning the compliments. Gives her all and more, but never gets the same.

At the start of book 1, currently works in a high school as a chemistry / biology teacher. But also likes to volunteer in the lab with Verda to help in anyway she can. Just wishes to be useful.

Karthik Achari

He studied Journalism in university, met Nikhita during his gap year and they both stayed together for the first year of university. Unexpected pregnancy, got married, Meera was born, Nikhita left. Got a part time job at an antique shop to help with university payments and now with a child. Thankfully had a good set of friends (still tries to keep in contact even with long distance) during university to help him as he was studying and caring for Meera. Also has his grandparents (Rebeccas side) to help. Does graduate with decent grades.

At the start of book 1, got promoted at the Wayhaven Press as an investigative field journalist. So is starting to spend more time out of the office and around the town, which is great since he loves talking with/being around people. Works with Bobby, others may consider it awkward since she is his ex. He doesn’t hold any grudges and is on pure friendly terms with her.

Jasmine Amari

Similar with canon, Jasmine lost her father at a young age and Rebecca is mostly absent in her life – choosing to focus more on her work than daughter. However main difference is that Rook was a known witch. Rebecca was aware ofc. But after he died, Rebecca didn’t want Jasmine to know about the supernatural and never mentioning that her father was a witch. However, when it was her birthday, but Rebecca wasn’t present and no friends remembered she was on her own, she spent that day looking around in her every nook and cranny of the house out of curiosity. In her father’s room, that she usually avoids going into, found an old box with a worn leather-bound book with rune patterns etched on the cover – feeling a small spark when she traced her fingers along it. It was in fact a spell book, and what’s interesting when she opened it – there was a note addressed to her from her father. Very much like ‘passing the torch’ kinda thing.

Jasmine does have magic, but it wasn’t until she found that book and learning more about her father and herself when her magic started to arise.

Tried to bring it up to her mother, in those rare moments Rebecca was around, but Rebecca deflects about anything to do with her father and supernatural claims. So, Jasmine stayed quiet, like she always does. Practiced her magic in secret, with the spells and cooking – the only ways she feel like she is close to him.

Studied history at university, met Bobby but she broke her trust and relationship ended poorly.

At the start of book 1, works as a  museum curator since has an interest in history and cultures. But also creates remedies and potions at her home for supernatural’s that live in town or are coming through.

Akira Nakajima

Is not the mc anymore. No Rebecca or Rook, Akira’s parents are seen as rather upper class, and the parents consider themselves rather important. Their mother is a politician that used to be the mayor of Wayhaven till she got out voted in the most recent election by Mayor Friedman. Co owns a fashion industry business with her husband, selling fancy brands and out buying small businesses. Their father also works as a headmaster at the high school.

Akira has two younger twin sisters, Reiko, and Mai – both who were 6 years younger. Their parents weren’t the greatest and tend to be rather controlling and cruel. Wanted perfection even from their own kids and terrible to those around them to gain respect. Heavily influenced Reiko’s personality, since all she wants is to impress them even if that means being exactly like them. When they were in university, they graduated with less than perfect grades and it was the spark of an argument with their parents. Which was the cause for them to finally leave and not look back. Which sadly meant leaving Reiko & Mai…

Throughout the years, Akira kept further and further way – trying to find their own path.

in school, Reiko got worse. As in peak mean girls era for her. Mai was seen more as a ghost in her own family, hearing secrets and fights but never saying a word. Until prom night, Reiko and Mai had an argument outside when Mai finally stood her ground and snapped. Then an incident occurred, and that was the last she saw of Mai.

This broke Reiko, and since a body was never found - the parents brushed it aside to just Mai running away like her sibling. No funerals, the parents never cared enough for her to do one.

but when Akira found out, got into another argument with them on the phone before hanging up. Is the only one that organised a funeral for Mai, even if they questioned whether or not shes even dead.

Hence how they became a private investigator, and their sisters case being the one case that they cant seem to solve (not that theyd ever admit).

At the start of book 1 , Akira got hired to find what happened to a client' friend "Janet ". Finding out she ended up in their hometown of Wayhaven was not ideal - but they will push down whatever feelings to focus on the case.

Whilst not working on PI cases, has a small garage where they keep busy fixing up cars and tinkering with robotics. Likes to keep busy, considers "sleep is for the weak'.

Nicola Bituin

She is no longer an mc nor will she be in the twc verse. Just wasn't vibing with her in this anymore.

[blueiight]

i liked tvl but you don't think the last bits w. armand in paris and the subsequent depression coma are meant to make us feel bad for what louis&claudia did? in iwtv louis already feels guilty for it but then again louis feels guilty for everything but it did feel like cuz she made lestat a tiny bit self-aware (how he would've done the same) it was meant to make us feel like awww no babe you didn't deserve that when in fact he probably deserved worse lmao. its not as bad as later books when he becomes a total gary stu special bloro but the seeds are there as in that whatever he does he'll always be supported by the narrative and no one else really gets a say

Well thats not how i took it cuz what would armand putting lestat in the torture rack have anything to do with claudia (+ louis) getting their lick back? sure as lestat is an antagonistic lover in interview to lew so is armand in tvl to lestat but. idk if its guilt driving lew so much so as regret + terror. in the interview / rue royale narrative presented in interview, lew wasnt nearly as intimate with les. in the latter half of interview, he truly believed lestat was dead at the time so he lamented the relationship he longed for &/or longed for a more ‘familiar’ environment as opposed to the newity of euro vamps. & what was guilt in some instances was also terror at the fear of being ‘found out’ having his mind read n being tried in a kangaroo vampire court for the violation of murdering ur maker [+ hes significantly weaker than most of these vampires] n i took the armand/depressive comas for lestat as ‘there are bigger forces waiting to humble lestat’ + that idea of ‘humbling’ is actually entailed in egregious cruelty. armand also served in this book as an antagonistic force not only in lestat’s life but also as a means to introduce lestat to a whole new tier of vampires [marius, twmbk] & their history along w/ lestat’s , establishing him as a competing or even equal force already to these ancient vamps at such a relatively young age bc hes the main character of this particular book/a MC of the overall chronicles? idk maybe im semi immune to the lestat hammer & rewriting time myself who knows whats intended retroactively by writers or pop fanon im just interpreting how i took whats on the pages of those specific books

[soartfullydone]

7 and 8 for Voyage of the Damned. 14 for Ruthless Gods. 2 for the Throne of Glass series.

huehue hoohoo

These are going to be so interesting for Voyage of the Damned lol. Putting under the cut for spoilers

7. Who is your least favorite character? What did they do to deserve your ire?

As much as I detested the main character, Dee, for being so obnoxious, I think the aware of least favorite has to go to Ravinder (this will be very funny in a minute). Ravi is from the Crow country. He's Dee's only friend, maybe lover, who abruptly cut Dee off without warning. Ravi winds up being one of the early murders on the ship, and Dee is the one who finds his mercilessly stabbed body.

Except, just kidding, Ravi didn't die. His super secret power is shapeshifting, so he killed someone else first, molded their body to look like him, and deliberately left it for Dee to find in some misguided attempt to protect him in secret by dirtying his own hands. He then disguises himself as the person he killed and woos Dee under this pretense, and somehow! When all is revealed! Dee doesn't feel betrayed or violated by this at all?? He thinks, "Oh, I loved that guy (after a few hours), but it wasn't really him but my ex this whole time, who I'm still in love with anyway. I guess this is dandy!" Yeah, I hate both of them.

8. Do you have a favorite character? If so, why?

So. My favorite character was Wyatt, the person who Ravi killed and then pretended to be the majority of the book lmao. Wyatt was supposed to be a sickly, underdog heir with a real disability and his own secret power. Wyatt is the only character who undergoes a character arc that's both realistic and enjoyable. Except he doesn't because he's just Ravi pretending to be a soft boy without all the baggage and pro-genocide behavior for Dee. You as the reader realize grimly that neither you nor any character in the book got to know Wyatt because he died before anyone could; no one had met him before. As a plot twist, it's abominable. As a romance, it's deranged and not in a fun way. And truly, I've never seen an author swap out my favorite character for my most beloathed one, while gloating the favorite never really existed. Straight to jail.

Ruthless Gods (or that time I didn't murder someone because I was a bird)

14. Could another author have made the premise enjoyable for you? Who would you nominate?

Let's be honest, Leigh Bardugo already did with the Darkling and Alina, which is what Emily Duncan deluded herself into thinking she was writing with Malachiasz and Nadya. Leigh just gets it in a way few authors do, probably because she never believed in earnestness that the Darkling was just a sad, lonely boy. Rather, he's a devious, crafty immortal man who weaponizes vulnerability, believes himself a hero, and who has definitely fucked. The difference couldn't be more stark.

Throne of Glass series

2. At what point did you know you would hate the book series?

The cracks were definitely starting to show in book three, Heir of Fire, but I was too blinded by Manon to see it (when I tell you she carried). I was definitely tilting my head at Rowan "I love to beat my soulmate best friend and call her a waste of life" Whitethorn and the noose SJM was fashioning around Sorscha's neck just so she could be fridged for Dorian's pain. For a brief, glimmering moment, Aedion was a suave, attractive bisexual who kind of wanted to fuck his cousin, as any man in a medieval fantasy should.

But then, Queen of Shadows happened, and the bottom fell out entirely. Aedion got boring real fast. Celaena's "transformation" into Aelin proved she had no interest in taking responsibility for how she treated Chaol and regarded Dorian nor any capacity to reflect on past behaviors at all. Running away from her kingdom was fine when she did it, but now that she doesn't want to anymore, it's unacceptable for anyone else to not fall in step with her.

This is also when SJM had the terrible idea of the Valg stuff, so the King of the Assassins, Arobynn? Oh, that whore Celaena hated in previous books will just kill him in his sleep and join Aelin's little gang, no hard feelings. Never mind that Arobynn would've been Aelin's most personal kill by far, but our assassin MC can't actually kill anyone intimately and nothing from the past books truly matter anymore. Sam who? We fuck fae now, not smelly humans who don't beat you to a pulp. Oh, the King of Adarlan, you say? Aelin's country's most hated enemy? He was possessed the whole time and was never truly evil uwu :( No, instead the Big Bad is a nebulous shadow demon of mustache-twirling proportions and all his minions are just more of the same.

You didn't want to be invested in anything besides seeing how many people could shove themselves up Aelin's asshole, did you?