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t0wnspersonb · 4 years ago

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Twin Bed (Tsukishima Kei x Reader)

Anonymous said:

are u taking requests rn? 🥺 ive read ur tsukki fics and i know to myself ur the only one who can write this request amazingly: tsukki sneaking in to his s/o’s room at night bc he misses her and he saw how cute she is in her pajamas but couldnt help getting turned on as well bc she is wearing shorts and an oversized shirt it also didnt help that her bed is for one person only ;) UR AN AMAZING AUTHOR AND NEVER STOP WRITING TSUKKI OR HAIKYUU SCENARIOS COS THE PPL NEED U

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Word Count: 2,475

Rated: Explicit

Warnings: SMUT, my shit writing, bad language

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Yoooo this is was legit so fun to write lmao. I hope I did your request justice anon and I appreciate your kind words!!! I know I have other requests sitting in my inbox and I will try and to get to them soon. I might be a bit inactive the next couple of weeks, I will be going vacation (I definitely fucking need it lol) this week and then I start classes again. RIP. I hope you guys enjoy this one and let me know what you think!:) I literally am at a lost for words with how amazing you guys are and how unproblematic you guys have been considering the bullshit that’s been going around in the community. I just want to reiterate that this is a safe and fun place for everyone, it is never my intention to make anyone uncomfortable and if I do please let me know so that I can apologize correctly for it! But to make things clear I will not tolerate any fuckery on this blog, I don’t have the energy nor the patience to deal with shit like that. We are all capable of being decent human beings to each other. No drama, no bullshit, just a fun and safe place for everyone that wants to be part of it. ANYWAY, enough of my ranting, please enjoy this filth and my shit writing lmao 😘😘😘💕💕💕💕

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You frowned slightly as you looked at your phone, your eyes squinting against the harshness of the light.

Tsukishima had texted you, multiple times - at two in the morning - in fact. While you dearly adored your boyfriend of only five months, you didn’t exactly adore the fact that he woke you up at this time.

Especially considering you had to be up in about five hours to get ready for an exam.

You sighed through your nose as you tugged your blankets from your body and made your way to your door.

“Kei… it’s two in the morning…” You yawned, looking up at your tall boyfriend with sleepy eyes. “The dorm manager is going to get mad at me if she catches you here.”

“Well let’s not get caught then.” he drawled out, gold eyes flickering over your body. A blonde eyebrow arched up; “is that my shirt?”

You blinked at him for a moment, not fully registering what he had just asked before a soft blush began to coat your cheeks.

You were definitely wearing one of his shirts, a green Sendai Frogs shirt that was way too big for your body, given his tall stature. He had left the shirt at your dorm two weeks ago, and naturally you wore it to bed almost every night.

“No.” You said in a small voice, carefully playing with your fingers as you looked up at him through your lashes.

A soft blush covered Tsukishima’s cheeks before he scoffed, his slender fingers reaching up to push his glasses back up his nose. “You’re a terrible liar. Looks good on you though.” he said, brushing past you to get into your room.

You turned to see him plop himself onto your bed, and you couldn’t help but stare. It was a strange sight to see to say the least. His 6’4 frame was just a tad out of place in your room, especially sitting on your incredibly small bed. But more so he was out of place because, well, your boyfriend was beautiful. It was like a Greek god decided to pay you a secret visit before the sun came up, ready to disappear at any moment.

Tsukishima’s hair was tousled perfectly, the tight black shirt he wore complimented him perfectly, emphasizing his broad shoulders and thick biceps. You felt your mouth go dry as you realized that he was wearing grey sweatpants, clinging low on his hips.

How could someone look so good at two in the morning?

“Are you just going to stare at me the entire time?” He called out, his back leaning against the wall your bed was pushed up against, his phone in hand.

“You’re the one that wanted to come over.” you frowned, locking your door before making your way towards the bed. “You’re taking up all the space.” You whined.

He rolled his eyes before his long legs parted, creating a space on the bed. “Come here.”

You felt your face burn even more, a strange shyness overtaking you at the intimate position he wanted you in.

It wasn’t like you had never been close to Tsukishima before, you guys had been intimate, many times... but then why were you so nervous all of a sudden?

“What are you waiting for?” he asked, a blonde eyebrow quirked up.

“Shut up.” you grumbled, carefully climbing over one of his long legs. You settled yourself against him, your upper body fitting easily between his legs, your back resting against his stomach and your head gently pressing into his strong chest.

Resting against Tsukishima was far better than resting in your tiny bed.

One of his arms carefully wrapped around your waist, his large hand gently pressing against your stomach, the other hand held his phone in front of both of you, a volleyball game overtaking the screen.

It was silent for a moment, both of you absorbed in the video. It had only been fifteen minutes into the game when Tsukishima began looking over your body. His gold eyes taking in your bare legs before flickering up. He zeroed in on the exposed skin of your hip, the shirt you wore had been pulled up slightly.

He swallowed thickly, arousal beginning to spike in his blood. Christ, it wasn’t like you were naked right now; it wasn’t like you were wearing anything incredibly enticing, but… fuck. Tsukishima began wracking his brain for when the last time it was that he had seen you. That’s right, it had been a while, a little over two weeks in fact.

His sudden desire was because he had just missed you right? He couldn’t possibly be turned on from the simple fact that you were in the shortest shorts known to man, or the fact that you were in his shirt and you weren’t…. Christ, you weren’t wearing a fucking bra.

He could see your hardened nipples through the shirt despite how baggy it was on your small body.

“Can you hold the phone, my arm is getting tired.” he said quietly, hoping that you hadn’t felt his hardening member against your back just yet.

“Really Kei?” you rolled your eyes but took his phone nonetheless, your eyes completely glued to the screen. The game was just beginning to get interesting.

It was silent again.

But this time, Tsukishima trailed his hand down to your exposed skin, carefully sliding his fingers under your shirt, gently tracing against your soft skin.

You sighed softly at his touch, your body wiggling slightly against him to get more comfortable. Tsukishima took that as a good sign, his hands traveling further up, the rough pads of his fingers felt incredible against your skin; goosebumps erupting over your body.

You shivered slightly, desire spiking in the pit of your stomach as his long fingers began moving further up, until they rested just below your breasts. Your breath hitched, your heart thumping loudly in your ears now.

His fingers carefully dragged against the soft underside of your breasts. You felt Tsukishima shift, his upper body sitting up slightly, his lips brushing gently against the shell of your outer ear, hot breath rustled your hair.

“Who’s winning?” he murmured, lips grazing against your ear before carefully brushing down towards your neck.

A soft whimper tore through your lips. “It’s uhmm… uh - o-oh Kei.” your eyes fluttered shut as his tongue darted across your skin, tasting you before biting down softly. You could feel your cunt clenching at his actions, your bundle of nerves suddenly throbbing to be touched.

“What was that?” he teased softly, the hand that was gently caressing the underside of your breasts suddenly moved up, carefully cupping your entire breast, long fingers gently tugging at your hardened nipple.

You moaned loudly before immediately dropping his phone, both hands clasping your mouth shut tightly.

“Oh, that’s right, if your dorm manager caught me here, she would be furious right? I don’t want you getting in trouble, so you best be quiet hmm?” he murmured softly against your skin before pinching your nipple hard between two fingers.

Your breath hitched, your eyes squeezing shut as pleasure rippled through your body.

“But you make the cutest noises when you're turned on.” he said, his voice incredibly quiet and calm, despite the growing hardness that was pressing into your back now. “You’re in quite the dilemma, aren’t you?”

His other hand suddenly trailed down, his fingers curling against your through your shorts.

“Fuck… you’re soaked.” he groaned quietly, feeling your arousal leaking through your panties and staining your shorts.

He suddenly leaned back once again, your head once again resting against his strong chest. But despite his composure, his heart was racing just as much as yours.

He suddenly bucked his hips up, his cock rubbing against your back. A soft sigh escaped his lips, the hand that was groping your breast pulled out of your shirt and tangled into your hair, gently tugging and forcing you to arch your neck, staring up at the blonde male now.

His gold eyes held nothing but lust now as he stared down at you with half-lidded eyes.

You had never seen a more gorgeous man in your entire life.

“What do you want?” he asked, his voice deep with arousal. But before you could say anything, the hand that was grasping you through your clothes suddenly tugged your shorts and panties to the side, long fingers brushing softly against your weeping slit.

Tsukishima exhaled loudly, his cock jumping against your back as he felt just how wet you were.

“Fuck…” he whispered quietly, and carefully slid his finger to the top of your cunt, his finger gently pressing down against your clit.

A jolt of pleasure erupted through your body, your mouth falling open in a silent plea as your eyes fluttered shut.

He began rubbing delicate circles against you, a soft pleasure beginning to build up in your lower stomach, your hips rocking up carefully with his movements.

“K-Kei…” you trembled, your hand reaching down and grasping at his forearm helplessly.

“Are you close?” he asked, his finger pressing down just a little bit harder, but that was all that you needed to get your legs shaking.

The way he touched you… the way that he took care of you… it was no wonder you were completely head over heels for him.

He was just too good.

You nodded helplessly against his chest, and then suddenly he pulled his hand away from your dripping cunt, a soft cry of distress tearing through your lips. Why did he… but you were so close…

“Can you move away for a second?” he asked quietly, gently pushing you forward. You shakily scooted away from him and heard the rustling of sheets and clothes. You twisted your head to look back and - your mouth went dry.

Tsukishima was still resting against the wall, his lower body easily sprawled out against your bed as you still sat between his long legs, but this time… this time… he laid with one hand behind his head, the other was easily grasping his member, lazily sliding up and down his shaft. His grey sweatpants were bunched up around the tops of his thighs, his black shirt pulled up slightly, exposing his lower stomach and the perfect lines of his Adonis belt.

“Come here.” he demanded, you turned to crawl over to him, fully intending on taking him into your mouth- his hand flew up, halting your movements. “No. I want to be inside you.”

Your lips parted slightly as you nodded in a daze, your cunt squeezing around nothing at his words. But before you could sink down on top of his cock, he stopped you once more.

“Turn around.” he commanded. Your lips trembled softly, your hands gripping his upper thighs as you situated yourself on top of him, you could feel his fingers tugging your shorts and underwear to the side again, and then something blunt and thick began rubbing up and down your soaked entrance.

“Don’t tease me Kei, please.” you whimpered out, but before you could plead further, he grabbed your hips, forcing you to sink all the way down onto his member in one movement.

You gritted your teeth tightly, biting back the loud shout that wanted to escape your throat at the sudden intrusion, at the force of him already hitting the most devastating depths within you.

Fuck you had never been quite this full, never had someone quite this deep until you met Tsukishima.

“Shit.” he cursed, growling slightly, his grip on your hips tightening as his eyes fluttered shut as your tight heat engulfed him completely.

He could never get used to this.

After a moment of adjusting to the new intrusion you began rocking your hips, carefully sliding back and forth, your lips forming into a silent o as pleasure jolted through your body at each drag of his cock against your walls.

A soft whimper tore through your lips as he began grabbing handfuls of your ass, his fingers gripping tightly at the soft flesh, kneading and pulling your cheeks apart. Before his hand settled on pulling your shorts and underwear further away, his eyes taking in the obscene way your cunt swallowed his cock.

The quiet room was filled with the sound of rustling sheets, the wet noises of your arousal leaking through your stuffed cunt as Tsukishima slid in and out of you, the soft and breathless moans that escaped your lips, and the soft grunts of Tsukishima as he fought back his release. He couldn’t cum yet, not until you did.

But he could tell that you were close by the desperate way you rocked your hips, faster, sloppier, chasing for a release.

“Cum for me.” he demanded, his large hand cracking down against your ass. Your hand came up, stifling the loud gasp that wanted to escape your lips, your cunt clenching tightly around him. You could feel it then, the pleasure mixed with the sharp pain, the tightness in your lower stomach finally releasing.

“Fuck that’s it.” He murmured, watching as you trembled above him, his hands coming down to grip at your waist, forcing you to move faster against him as he began chasing his own release.

Tsukishima gritted his teeth tightly before carefully shoving you off of his member, a soft cry escaping your lips as you collapsed on top of his legs. He gripped his member tightly, shooting thick ropes of his warmth all over your raised bottom, staining your shorts completely.

“Shit hold on.” he panted slightly, carefully moving himself from under you. He tucked his softening member back into his sweatpants before moving towards your closet, grabbing a towel and making his way back to you. His gentle hands easily cleaning you up before tugging your shorts and panties off, replacing them with fresh ones.

You looked up at him sleepily as he began situating you both on your small body, half of your body resting on top of his as he drew the blankets over your guys’ form.

“You suck Kei. If I fail this exam because I’m too tired to focus, you have to buy me ramen.” you mumbled against his chest, your eyes drooping as sleep began to tug at your mind.

“If you fail this exam just because you’re tired then that just proves you didn’t actually study for it. You should’ve been able to retain that information regardless.” he said, fingers gently running through your hair.

“You suck.” you sighed again, softly nuzzling your face into his chest.

A smile tugged at his lips, but he didn’t say anything else.

Not that you would have listened anyway, considering that you were knocked out now.

Tsukishima’s body was definitely more comfortable than your twin bed.

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idealisticrealism · 2 years ago

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TCL 2x06 recap

Hahahahaahaaaaaaa get ready for more unhinged fangirling (and just so many words omg)

Also thanks so much to those of you who left replies on the previous recaps, I honestly really love seeing them– it’s awesome to know that you guys are actually enjoying my insane ramblings haha. So please keep sharing your thoughts and I’lll keep sharing mine :P

Honestly I am so happy we’re still on the same day as last ep! Though lbr I desperately wish we could have seen what happened between Garrett accepting the deal and Thony getting home– like how did she get home?? Did she drive back to the cleaning storehouse (I’m going to start calling this Cleaning Ladies’ HQ, or CLHQ for short lol) in the truck with Arman and then he dropped her home on his bike??? Or did Garrett insist on driving her home so he could chastise her about her involvement with Arman?? I mean either option would have been great to watch but lbr I would prefer the former lol. But sigh I guess that’s just going to be left to the imagination. But ugh it hurts to see her so upset– she was so steady and brave in the moment while making the deal, but now the reality is setting in, the feeling of once again being caught in a trap. And oooh it wasn’t until she told Fi just now about helping Arman move drugs that I remembered her reaction to Fi’s plan to sell party drugs for Brandon. Feeling like a bit of a hypocrite now, are we Thony?? And maybe a liar, too, considering she tells Fi that Garrett threatened to deport her unless she informed for him again– bc firstly there was zero mention of deportation (I honestly believe that Garrett is done with that threat, and also that he legitimately did actually intend to let Thony go and just take Arman in for the drugs), and secondly, we all know she begged him to agree to her being an informant, in order to keep both herself and Arman safe. But to admit that to Fi would be to reveal even more about the depth of her and Arman’s connection than the events in the motel did (and that was already plenty) and I honestly don’t think Thony is capable of facing that right now.

Ooooh only one person uses the weird kitchen door, which means Hot Detective Flores is back! Though as much as I like her, she does nothing but cause me stress haha. I‘m glad that the cops seem to have moved on from Thony as a suspect so quickly and easily– unless part of her reason for coming here and telling them about MMM’s disappearance was to see their reaction– but lbr it does look suss that MMM disappeared so soon after a death at his motel (sidenote, him being missing ‘over a week now’ definitely fits with the expected timeline). But aaaaarghhh I was worried that his disappearance would cause the cops to search his apartment and potentially find more videos– honestly, I’m surprised Arman didn’t look at MMM’s license for his address and then find his keys and go to his apartment to search for any sign of the Chris video. Unless maybe he did??? Honestly he’s savvy enough to think of it, and dedicated enough to protecting Thony that he’d absolutely do it. Ok tbh I am adopting the headcanon rn that he actually did go and do all that after disposing of the body, and just didn’t tell Thony bc he didn’t think she needed to know/wanted to let her just forget the whole thing. But anyway tbh it’s kind of funny to hear Flores say reassuringly “We WILL find out how your loved one died” to the three people who were literally present at/involved in his death lol. But also omg Chris how about you don’t yell “they’ll know I did it!!” literally moments after the detective walks out the door??? God you are such a teenager lol. And ok I love Thony’s certainty in saying that that the cops won’t find the body and that “Arman made sure of it”-- but like is that just her having enough trust in him to know he would have taken care of it, or did he actually tell her what he did with the body??? And if so, when??? Doesn’t this show know that I need to be privy to literally every single conversation and interaction between Armony?? C’mon writers be more considerate of a poor fangirl haha

(Also I forget to mention this every single week but I really love the new title screen thing with the soapy water washing away the red from the lettering like it’s washing away blood, leaving the pure white text behind. This show has such style man)

My thought process as Arman pulls up to the house on his motorbike: ‘oh hey I stood right by that letterbox thing down at the end of the street! Ok wait so these guys didn’t sell the motorbike or Nadia’s car, despite the severity of their financial issues? Also what is Arman staring at? Is there some kind of evidence that Robert has been at the house?? Omg wait did Nadia throw his stuff out????’ (*literally laughs in delight as the camera pans over his stuff on the ground lol*). Tbh I had fun pausing to check out his various belongings, and while the childhood pic of Adan is cutest, and the squash racquet is hot (I would watch him play that ANY day), the random lamps are definitely my favourite addition. Like are they sentimental lamps?? But anyway oh my goddddd this is a scene I have been hoping for for a long time, and holy shit Eva is legit giving it her all– hell hath no fury indeed. (ngl I’m giggling a little at the fact that she would have had to yell and throw those clothes right into the camera while filming this lol). But omg “What the hell are you doing??” / “What the hell are YOU doing?? I’m doing what I should have done the first time I laid eyes on you with your cleaning lady”-- honestly I love this line, because it is such a great throwback to the moment Nadia first sees them together in 1x02. (I’m ignoring their first scene all together the morning after the party in 1x01, because she was still drunk and didn’t actually see Thony and Arman interact at all; though mannn her 1x01 line “I like her. Give her everything” is particularly impactful now). But in 1x02, Nadia watches as Arman literally drops everything– leaving in the middle of an important meeting with Hayak and Knight– to disappear with a woman he barely knows, when it would have been far easier for him to get one of their guys to take her to the clinic, or even just tell her to go to a hospital instead. And I gotta mention the next time Nadia witnesses them interact as well; in 1x03 where she watches from across the club as Thony gives Luca’s drawing to Arman, and honestly she’s right with what she said– Thony really does look at him like he’s her hero in this moment, while he looks at her with an almost bashful pleasure, which (if Nadia had seen it) she would probably barely recognise, given how rare it must be for him. That was the moment Nadia started to understand something they hadn’t yet seen themselves, and was partly why she brought Thony to the wedding reception with her, to further observe how they would interact. She’s been watching this whole time, and though she’d tried to convince herself that the connection between them didn’t mean anything for her own relationship with Arman (I’m almost certain there was an interview that said Nadia has slept with other women during their marriage, so maybe they’re ~open), the truth is she’s always known that what Thony and Arman have is different. It's real, and she knows it, even if they don't.

Which is exactly why she calls bullshit when he says “There’s nothing going on between Thony and me. You know that!” And gotta say, as much as I love Arman, I kinda call bullshit too. Though while I can imagine some people would say he’s gaslighting her, I actually don’t agree. (“Gaslighting”: to deliberately manipulate someone by psychological means into doubting their own sanity). I think in Arman’s case, he genuinely believes he’s telling the truth, because to him, ‘nothing going on’ means a) he and Thony aren’t sleeping together, and b) that their relationship isn’t going to progress beyond what it is now. He’s aware of his feelings for Thony, and is also aware that she has some kind of feelings for him (even if he doesn’t know exactly how far those feelings extend), and though there is an undeniable pull between them he also knows that there is a line neither of them will cross, one that exists because of Nadia– especially since everything that happened with the prison and the debt, and how much Nadia’s safety and livelihood now depends on him as a result of that. And so that’s what he means with that line– while he and Thony are connected, that connection will never go any further (despite what Nadia clearly believes) as long as he and Nadia are together. Hence his frustration– she’s accusing him of having the very thing he so desperately wants, but has denied himself ever having. And he genuinely does try to explain what he’s been doing/make her understand about the plan with the drugs, except she won’t let him (damn at the accuracy of her “you’ll take any excuse to be with her” line though, wow), and then just as he’s about to try to convince her of his dedication to her, he sees the ring, and the devious landmine artfully planted by Robert explodes between them. Because while Nadia sees the reality– the inevitability– of Thony and Arman’s connection far better than he does, Arman sees the truth of Robert’s actions better than she does, and that disparity only serves to push them further apart. But omg the way I gasped when she yells “There is no more us!!!” and he just stares at her because he knows her well enough to see the truth, has fought bitterly with her enough times to see that this is different– that this time it might actually be real, that they’ve passed that point of no return and that their marriage is over. He can’t entirely believe it though, doesn’t dare to; because if it’s real, then she has actually just released him from the obligation he has towards her, from the slowly-growing weight of unhappiness that he has been carrying since even before he met Thony. And the irony of it all is that by leaving him, she has given him the freedom to do what he otherwise never would have done– the exact thing she was accusing him of in the first place: be with the woman he loves.

Okay so Armony are about to have their meet with Garrett to discuss the plan, and honestly I hate when scenes start with both of them already present! Like excuse me I need to know how long they have been waiting and what they have been talking about and how much they have looked at each other etc??? Like did they deliberately arrive earlier than Garrett so they could work out their plan? Have they been texting back and forth since last night trying to figure it out?? No matter how much this show feeds me (and ngl it feeds me well; see the above paragraph for proof lol) I am always going to want more lol. But ugh they have clearly talked it through together and are presenting their little plan as a duo and basically completing each other’s sentences and I love them. But honestly it confuses me a bit that Garrett starts the meeting by asking how they’re going to use Robert to get Cortes, and then only like a minute later he’s signing up for their plan to use Cortes to get Robert?? It just seemed like a sudden and odd priority shift, bc until this moment it seemed like he didn’t care about Robert (despite Robert’s extensive crime-ing) and only saw him as a means to getting Cortes? But tbh I don’t care lol. I just care about this Armony eye contact and the way Arman looked like he wanted to say something before Thony turned and walked away ugh. I’m gonna headcanon that after she gets in the van, he leans against the passenger door and talks to her through the lowered window, maybe arranging a time for them to meet at CLHQ and unpack the drugs from the van? (Also two sidenotes: firstly I’ve never noticed that little semi-bald patch in Arman’s beard over the right side of his jaw– is there a scar there because I would be very into that. And secondly dude I love the leather jacket as much as anyone, trust me, but it is too hot for you to be wearing it all the time! Take it off before you get heatstroke!! …. And while you’re at it, the shirt should probably go too. Just to be safe lol)

“Now that dad’s back in town you guys can get married!” Omg. I cannot describe my love for this scene, firstly for the near parent-trapping, and secondly for the fact that it literally legitimately felt SO real in terms of how a 12 year old would see and react to this situation. Like oh my heart Jazz is so cute and earnest lol, and Fi and JD were so gentle with setting her straight ugh. Bummer about the JD girlfriend, but eh, I’m sure she won’t last haha. I swear the JD and Fi ship (I’m going for “J-Fi” here because I’m lazy lol) is gonna sail by the end of the season– or at least it better, because I love them already ugh

It’s probably ridiculous that it irritates me that Arman changed the money into a different bag? Like why? Though I guess he had to take it all out of the other bag to count it anyway or whatever (also, where did he do that? La Habana??). But ugh yaaaasss that was such a satisfying power move watching him casually drop a ton of money in front of Robert and see Robert be like that meme of the lady who looks confused with all the mathematic equations floating around her lol. (That was terribly described but c’mon, you know the one.) Honestly I was so happy for Arman here because not only is he a fifth of the way closer to freedom, but he got to show the guy who thinks he has him completely backed into a corner that there is more to him than Robert realises. Robert clearly does not like to feel like he’s been tricked (which is ironic because he’s literally being tricked right now lol) so he immediately goes to Nadia to whine like the spoiled child that he is. I definitely did enjoy Nadia’s face when she learned Arman had paid off so much– yep, he did try to tell you last night, but you wouldn’t listen! Not that that means she wasn’t justified in everything she said last night, bc she was mostly right– there is absolutely 100% something going on with him and Thony– but to be fair to Arman, she’s wrong about what lines they have or haven’t crossed. But even so, his involvement with Thony doesn’t mean he was lying about selling the drugs, or when he said that he was doing this for him and Nadia (aka, for their freedom from Robert). Two things can be true at once Nadia!

Lol I love seeing Arman putting two relatively small boxes on the stack while in the background Thony is lugging a box off the truck that is practically as big as she is. Girl has got being self-reliant down to an art form. Ngl my brain is still very confused by the ‘how do they have both the money and the drugs in their possession’ question, but whatever, I‘ll roll with it (just like I’m rolling with Thony’s inexplicable outfit change back to what she was wearing at home last night; maybe the blue shirt got dirty between the meet this morning and now?). But who cares about these things when there’s completely unnecessary Armony touching to scream over??? I love that he holds out a hand to help her get down even though she has very clearly been hopping up and down from that van like a lil’ mountain goat all morning unpacking these meds (I also love that his other hand first covered hers on the box for like a split second before she straightened up ugh). But ugh she doesn’t shy away from him or say she’s fine– she just immediately puts her hand in his and lets him help her. Given that stubborn independence and self-reliance (like mentioned above) are some of Thony’s major character traits, I love to see little moments like this, which show that she is learning to accept help from the people that care about her, even when she already knows she could manage alone. (Bc the whole point is that she doesn’t have to anymore).

And so anyway she lets him help her down, and then ughhhhhhh they just… hold on??? And I say they bc honestly while Arman is more overtly deliberate in keeping that contact, it’s not like he’s preventing her from pulling away– his grip is relaxed, and she could have easily slipped her hand out of his the moment she was on solid ground (and without it seeming weird or like she was trying to get away from him), but she didn’t. Instead she just looks up at him, fingers still curled over his and thumb pressing against his skin, and ugh the way he's looking at her??? His fight with Nadia last night had such a feeling of finality to it, and while lbr he doesn't know for sure that she won’t backflip again and take him back when she calms down, he can’t help but let himself have this moment where he isn’t a man torn between obligation to one woman and love for another– he’s just a man looking at the woman he loves, the woman he could finally have a future with. And he shifts closer like he’s being pulled in by the dream of that future, and maybe she is too bc her eyes flick down to his mouth for just a split second– and then it’s like she snaps out of it, like ‘wait shit nope still married' and pulls back, her neck muscles tensing like she’s literally holding her breath??? And then she turns away for all of a second before she’s like '......unless….…?' lol and turns back to bring up the elephant in the room (or rather, the belongings in the truck haha), aka the signs of the possible dissolution of his marriage??? How uncomfortable must it be for her to acknowledge them, especially when they might actually mean nothing (she's seen the way Arman and Nadia fight, and yet thus far they’ve always still stayed together), or they might mean that things are really over between Arman and Nadia this time, which would open the door for the beginning (lbr, the progression) of something between the two of them??? But despite the awkwardness, it’s more important to her to make sure he’s okay, and ugh the way he steps closer to her again, his eyes on her face and voice all soft as he thanks her… Never thought I’d say this, but I’m almost glad for the appearance of Robert and Nadia, because oh man I can’t take this tension and all these unspoken truths. Ngl I did have a very brief moment of insanity when she said “If you want–” where I literally thought she was going to offer for him to come stay at her house ahahaha. I love that she did offer him somewhere to stay, though, because she cares about him and wants him to have a roof over his head. She’s trying to look after him, because that’s what they do for each other; and only a moment later he’s yet again looking after her by telling her to go into the storage room (presumably to have more cover/be closer to the exit on the other side if she needs to run) and ugh the way he puts his hand on his gun, ready to do whatever it takes to keep her safe. Honestly these two and their mutual care and protection of each other are going to be the death of me.

Anyway ughhh I am SO into this framing of Armony on one side and Nadia and Robert on the other. This is the shift I mentioned in a previous meta, with the Arman/Nadia partnership being severed and the two of them realigning with Thony and Robert (though lbr Arman and Thony were already very much aligned long before this, lol). I also love the framing of the shots inside the storeroom, with Arman behind Thony and his eyes on her rather than on Robert. I appreciate that Robert actually seems fascinated by the discovery of Thony’s actual profession, and the way his gaze flicks to Arman– whose eyes are still focused only on Thony– for confirmation. I also appreciate that he doesn’t actually sound sarcastic when he refers to her as ‘Doctor’; he’d been actually fairly respectful to her the day before, but there’s a new element to it now– maybe it’s that he feels she’s more worthy of respect now that he knows her profession (in which case, he’s a jerk), or maybe it’s just that he realises that he has underestimated the depth to her and is re-evaluating. Honestly I think she has intrigued him from the start and this has only added to that. But aaaaah I love when people who are used to being the one manipulating others– and who see themselves as the untouchable puppetmaster pulling the strings– get played themselves, and damn Armony did an amazing job at having Robert walk right into their trap. Because of course the man who wants to take everything Arman possesses would never be able to resist taking a chunk of his business away from him. (Though seriously, if one of them had been wearing a wire during this interaction, they would have had enough to hand Robert over to the FBI right away… but I guess that would have cut the episode pretty short haha). Anyway I’m so happy that Arman is now free from his deal to work for Robert (of course, so is Nadia, but lbr we all know that working for Robert suited her just fine). But ugh the look Arman gives her after ensuring her freedom from Robert– see, I told you I was doing this for you too– and the expression she’s wearing like she knows there’s more going on here than she understands, but she just can’t see it yet. I love the moment Armony share after Nadia and Robert leave– “You didn’t tell Nadia the plan?” / “No. That’s why it worked.” because a) it just further reiterates that Armony are their own team now and Nadia is not part of that (he literally let his marriage implode rather than defend himself to Nadia and jeopardise the plan), but also b) it’s gotta have Thony wondering what this little business deal will mean for Arman and Nadia’s marriage, and whether Nadia will let him come home now that she realises what he did to get them free of Robert. And while obviously the potential for Arman and Nadia making up is not at all what we want, I want Thony to realise that it’s not what she wants either.

But ugh of course Arman is immediately thinking about Thony’s safety and trying to convince her that he should go to the meet with Cortes alone– and of course she refuses and insists on coming with him lol. Tbh her argument about being able to answer any questions about the meds is weak (Arman could literally just call her if any came up), and we know the truth, even if she can’t face it herself. Because she’s almost lost Arman twice now– firstly when Hayak blew up his car a month ago and she spent a horrific week thinking he was dead, and then secondly when Hayak had him attacked in the prison (who knows if she’s actually aware of the third time, aka the prison shower showdown)– and both of those near-misses happened at times when they were separated. Since then, she can’t face the idea of him walking into a situation this dangerous on his own, can’t help but be terrified of what might happen to him– so the only (admittedly irrational) way she can control that fear is to be there too. And maybe she’s hoping that Cortes will be less likely to harm Arman if there’s a witness present, especially a woman– after all, her time in Arman’s world has shown her that there is still honour among criminals; and now, for him, she’s staking her life on it.

But anyway okay I’m confused again– why do they need money from the FBI for the drugs? They had no problem buying the drugs before with their limited funds (after all, they’ve said how cheap they are to buy from Mexico), but I guess maybe this time they’re getting way more? Idk. I love that Thony’s mind immediately went to the opportunity to steal from the FBI and take a cut for themselves (I see you’ve learned a few things, haha) and clearly Arman loved it too– ughhhh the way he just stares at her with such wonder and pride, and then abruptly looks away the moment she looks up at him lol. (Sorry, buddy, but not quick enough. She totally saw those heart eyes, but then again, it’s not like you’ve ever been particularly good at hiding them. Unlike her, who is maybe too good at it….)

Omg when did Garrett and Jefferson become such boyfriends???? “I’m an atheist” “sorry Russo, he’s an atheist” / “You’ve got nothing to worry about boss, we got this” and all the giddy little grins? Like geez guys try to be less like completely smitten newlyweds here haha. (Though lbr it’s super cute and I love it). Also my confusion about this entire Robert/Cortes situation continues, because literally last night it seemed like Garrett was going to keep his little teamup with Thony and Arman a secret– like when he said it was a false alarm and turned Jefferson away– but now he’s told the FBI all about it?? I guess maybe he was just waiting to get a clear plan from Thony and Arman that morning before he took it to Russo? Also lol at Russo mentioning Maya having met Thony– you can immediately bet Maya is going to show up at some point, despite Garrett’s assurances lol. Just like the comments about Thony being in danger if Cortes sees the FBI, and Garrett saying that nothing will go wrong. Famous last words lol…

So is La Habana gonna be like a shared custody arrangement, or…? Lol bc apparently rn Arman gets the office overnight and as soon as morning hits, she’s tossing him out. (That little finger click and gesture to get out? That was hot lol). Also I kinda love the clear way we are being shown the division between them, particularly in these shared spaces of theirs. And I love that this scene further reiterates that she was never just the pretty face around the club– they were both equally the pretty face that lured the customers, and the business sharks running the show behind the scenes. But omg, rumpled grumbly Arman all squished onto that too-small couch?? I love it so much haha. But lbr buddy ‘I didn’t have anywhere else to go’ is a lie, Thony made it very clear you were welcome to her bed… ahem, I mean the bed at the clinic. (Shhhh I can dream, lol). Also I will be 100% honest, I definitely stared at his thighs when he threw back the blanket haha, but I was totally just looking for evidence of the scar that should have been there from the explosion in 1x01. I swear :P But anyhow I actually am so happy about this fight, because unlike their fight in front of the house, this isn’t all fire and anger. The things said then could have been put down to heat of the moment, and the writers could have used this scene to have them talk it out and reconcile now that Nadia knows he was telling the truth about the drugs (even if she still doesn’t know the whole story, and she knows that there’s more to it). But instead the same argument is covered again, but with tiredness and resignation rather than furious attacks. ‘What I did was for us, can’t you see that?” / ”No, I can’t see it”-- honestly I feel like when Arman says ‘us’, he doesn’t mean them as a romantic couple; he means both of them, individually. And he has been fighting to free them both, because he cares about her and knows that being near Robert is only going to be bad for her in the long run. (Plus he just hates Robert and can’t stand the thought of Robert feeling like he’s ‘won’ her). But when Nadia hears ‘us’ she takes it to mean their relationship, their connection to each other. Which is why she doesn’t believe he’s fighting for ‘them’. But lbr these two are doomed either way– bc if they remain under the crushing pressure from Robert, they’ll crack under the strain until they shatter apart. And if they get free of Robert and re-establish the level of financial security they had before, then Arman will no longer have the same obligation to protect and provide for her, and he won’t be able to resist the pull towards what he really wants– a life with Thony.

The comment about the ring was interesting though– like whoever puts it on her hand (or more importantly, who she accepts it from) is laying claim to her? Originally it was Arman, but then the ring became Robert’s, and then he gave it to her– and so by her visibly wearing it, it’s now a sign of her connection to/acceptance of him rather than Arman. And lbr she could have put it away somewhere safe or even hocked it when Robert gave it back, but she chose to wear it, even knowing the message it would send to Arman. But ugh the way their voices get all low and he tells her she’s free of Robert, basically implores her not to get caught in his web again, and she holds back tears as she tells him that she knows that what he’s doing is for Thony. The fact that he stops trying to argue against it– he’s accepted that they both know it’s the truth now– and just tries to warn her in the only way he can that being close to Robert is dangerous, that he genuinely is trying to protect her, regardless of the state of their marriage. But ugh the quiet conviction in ‘my safety is not your concern anymore’ and ‘don’t be here when I come back’– we have seen them have many fights by this point, constantly lashing out at each other and pushing each other away, but always coming back to the safety and familiarity of their relationship– but to me, this is the point where their marriage truly ends. After this, I honestly can’t see the writers giving us scenes where they try to come back from this, aka try to ‘make it work’. I think they are definitely going to continue being in each other’s orbit– with La Habana, Robert, the drug business etc, there’s still a lot connecting them– but it will no longer be as a partnership. As allies, maybe, hopefully; but never again as husband and wife. (At least I really, really hope so.)

Omg I am in LOVE with Fi clearly just rolling with the fact that Thony is going to go undercover to meet a drug kingpin (it’s like that John Mulaney quote of “You know those days when you’re like, ‘This might as well happen’” lol), and aw she even goes all in to find her an outfit and make her look the part. Considering Fi has been the one doing most of the freaking out lately, I think it actually helps her (as well as Thony) to take a turn being the strong one, the one who says it’s all going to be okay. Thony’s feeling out of her depth, and so afraid for both Arman and herself– like I said earlier, maybe in the moment when she insisted on coming, she felt that having the two of them there must surely make it safer; as if even a high-level criminal would hesitate before killing two people (especially including a woman) because it doubles the likelihood of someone noticing them missing or knowing where they were last seen. But now she’s terrified that she might be wrong about that, and even more terrified that it might be her messing up somehow that gets them both killed. She insisted on coming because she thought it would protect Arman– but what if it does the opposite? What if he dies because of her?? And ughhh Fi reminds her of how brave and strong she is, and then gives her her ‘armour’ to wear so she can feel the part, and I just love them so much ughhhh. I have said it before that these two are the true centre of the show and I stick by that

Okay but we were 100% ROBBED of getting to see Arman’s first reaction to Thony in That Outfit. Am I going to fic it? Look, at some point, probably lol. Because you just know that that boy forgot his own damn name for a moment there when he first laid eyes on her. I’m picturing him and Garrett tensely standing at some designated meet point, waiting for her to arrive (maybe there was a bit of final briefing to do or something, idk) and as she pulls up they’re snarking at each other over something, and then when she steps out of the van Arman literally stops talking mid-sentence and just stares. And Garrett makes some teasing comment (like "careful, that puddle of drool will ruin those fancy shoes" or "what's the matter, zebra got your tongue?" Lol) that Arman doesn’t even hear– he's already walking towards her like he's being drawn by a magnet. Garrett huffs and then follows, then tells Thony that this outfit is much more on the mark than her goth one, but she’s not listening to him either. She’s only looking at Arman, and Garrett rolls his eyes a little and then does some very pointed throat clearing and then is all “Are we going to stand here having a staring competition all day or are we actually going to get this done?” and they snap themselves out of it. But anyway ugh the two of them driving in the caddy looking like that, with that sultry music over the top?? And the line “eye for an eye, heart for a heart, gave you my light, I’ll show you my dark” – like help??? Honestly whoever does the music for this show deserves a goddamn award. I have literally been listening almost solely to playlists of tracks from TCL for months now and I am loving it. But anyway major kudos to Arman for being able to focus on the road and not on the amount of bare thigh on display in the passenger seat lol; that’s some serious discipline right there. (Though lbr he’s had a lot of practice at trying not to stare at Thony haha, with varying levels of success).

But ugh the way she stays in her seat for a few moments after he gets out of the car, mentally readying herself– and then suddenly he’s there, opening the door for her and holding out a hand to help her onto her feet, and I love the symbolism of him aiding her through this almost as much as I loved the prolonged eye contact and hand holding ugh. The silent reassurance and support in the look he gives her? Help. Honestly I was hoping he’d hold out his arm and she’d take it so they’d walk into the place physically connected, but then it would have made her seem like someone who was more there for decoration than as his equal partner– ugh the power couple vibes were definitely strong. Loved that he continued to check in with her with little looks as they get inside and meet Cortes– also it just further reiterates that invisibility she has when she’s in her cleaning lady persona, considering Cortes saw her literally like 2 days ago in Robert’s office and yet doesn’t recognise her at all. I’ll acknowledge that it’s partly context (even if he thought he recognised her as the cleaning lady he’d seen, his brain would have convinced him that it didn’t make sense for her to be here like this now) but it’s definitely partly that he just didn’t see her, barely even looked at her in the office– even though he’s certainly looking today. This moment definitely highlights the way Arman saw her from the very start, even despite her wearing her cleaning lady invisibility cloak at the time, and it was unfathomable to him that anyone could overlook her. Ugh. (Also sidenote: hearing Arman say his name with the real accent during their introduction, rather than the Anglicised version, was super hot). Also omg catch me dying over Cortes saying “Me, I at least like a date before I jump into bed with someone, if you know what I mean” and the way Armony look at each other as Arman says “We feel exactly the same way.” Bc actually, you guys don’t just like ‘a date’ first, you like to completely entwine your lives and create an unbreakable bond of mutual trust and devotion before you get to the jumping in bed part hahaha. (and while I’m more than happy to wait for that bed part, please god let them it be coming at some point lol). Anyway I love that when they first sit down, he immediately orients his body towards Thony with his arm along the couch behind her, making the distance between them feel smaller ugh. Tbh I was surprised by how quickly their ‘date’ ended; and while he played it cool, Arman was clearly eager to wrap things up and get Thony out of there– and maybe Cortes picked up on that, or maybe not. Either way ugh this is the second time in only a few weeks that Arman has been forced to leave a woman he cares about in the company of a dangerous man; but at least with Nadia and Robert, he knew she was going to be safe. Leaving Thony must have been so much harder for many reasons, and tbh I think if he had seen in her eyes that she couldn’t handle being left behind, he would have done whatever it took to get her out of there with him. But Thony is badass and brave and did what had to be done, and that’s one of the many reasons why he loves her.

(Lol like halfway into the ep and already over 6.5k words. I am a mess. As much as I disapprove of them making Arman disappear for the rest of the ep, I do appreciate that it might be the only thing that saves me from myself haha)

Okay Garrett’s “He left her there” better not have any judgement in it, bc seriously boy you’ve seen how much Arman protects Thony– agreeing to the sting to take down Hayak, arguing for her to be let go when they were caught with the meds, etc– so don’t act like he would just willingly leave her in the clutches of a man like Cortes! Grrr. Anyway I just noticed Garrett is still wearing his wedding ring?? (and that Oliver has a finger tatt, lol). Honestly mate I think you’d be better off giving up on that one… especially since you are clearly not over Maya (wait do I ship it? Oh god maybe a little. gross)

Oh man, forcibly prolonged interactions with strangers are already so awkward, and this is even worse given the whole practically being kept captive thing. Like how much time has passed already? When did they move to sit by the pool? What have they been talking about? Has he actually asked anything about the drugs, which was her main argument for her being brought along in the first place? (Sidenote: just noticed this actor has forearm tatts that have been covered up, and I think they did the same for the actor playing JD bc I noticed something on his bicep last ep. How rude that they rob me of my chance to be nosy lol). But anyway omg “And how long have you and Arman been together?” / “Just a few months now,” (truth) ”but we’re not together, we’re business partners.” (lie lol). Well I guess it’s not so much a lie as it is not quite the truth. And haha “You could have fooled me” – I love this line because technically they are fooling him rn, but clearly not about their relationship lol. Like seriously, even this aloof criminal who saw them together for like all of five minutes could see what was between them. Ngl everyone can see that there’s something there, including Thony and Arman themselves, but they both refuse to acknowledge it openly because they’re too afraid of what it’ll mean if they do. Because think about it– what if one of them tells the truth about how they feel, and the other chooses not to take their relationship any further? Thony’s all too aware of Arman’s sense of obligation towards Nadia, and Arman’s afraid he’s too much of a liability to be worth the risk to Thony, especially when her family has to come first. And then there’s the even more terrifying option– what if they tell the truth and find that the other wants to be with them too, but then things fall apart later on?? After everything she went through in her relationship with Marco, Thony is afraid to trust someone with her heart (and Luca’s) again, and it would just be so hard to believe that someone used to the kind of upscale, intoxicating life that Arman has led could ever be happy in the simple family life that she has. Meanwhile Arman has always viewed himself as unworthy of her, and is afraid that someday she would realise it and abandon him, like so many others in his life have done. (Isabel, his parents, Hayak, and to an extent, Nadia). And so anyway with all of that, are we really surprised that neither of them will actually step up and say how they feel???

Wait dude it’s lunch time rn? So this guy has already had two glasses of wine before lunch on a weekday? Sorry bud but I have some professional advice for you regarding the level of your alcohol consumption lol. Also that huge plate of spaghetti and garlic bread is making me wonder how your cholesterol’s looking haha (says the girl who would absolutely demolish that meal given the opportunity lol). But anyway live fast die young I guess lol

Aww I love that Fi called JD! It’s so nice to see her having someone to lean on other than just Thony (who, lbr, is dealing with enough of her own shit) and ugh JD is so steady and kind (and tall. and cute. Have I mentioned lately that I ship it?). Honestly I was so nervous for her when she told him the truth about Chris– the fact that she did shows how close they really must have been when they were together– and his compassion for her made me love him so much. It makes sense that she can trust him about this though; he’d never do anything to hurt Jazz, and having her mother and brother jailed or deported is just about the worst thing he could possibly do to her. And that’s not to mention how much he cares about Fi herself, and Chris too, who he would have been a dad figure to when Chris was only a few years old ugh

And speaking of Chris– oh you foolish boy. You’ve really gone and done it now, putting your face and your name out there. Such a relief that JD got him out of there in time– hopefully they can come up with a plausible excuse for his visit before Flores comes knocking, for example that he came bc he wanted to request that if they found the video of Marco’s death, could they not tell his mom about it because he’s worried that it would hurt her too much to see it. But anyway ugh JD telling Chris he needs to forgive himself for the death he caused– I can imagine that a soldier who spent years at war knows a little about that. As much as I wanted a chance to see Arman bond with Chris, I definitely want to see JD & Chris bonding more (Arman can claim the Hot Uncle role later; let’s work on Hot Husband and Hot Stepdad first lol)

But ugh omg this whole conversation between J-Fi about when they split up and why she didn’t tell him she was undocumented and whether he would have proposed?? Helpp??? I am such a sucker for stories about people who love each other but who are kept apart by circumstances outside of their control– ideally I want the barriers between them resolved pretty quickly (Armony are definitely in this category lol) but I also love those like J-Fi, who get a second chance years later. So c’mon writers, send the girlfriend on her way and give us the J-Fi we deserve lol

Lol guess who learned something new today? I was all like ‘why does Arman call it Sportsbook when Nadia and Robert both call it Fast Lane??’ – well fun fact, a sportsbook is an establishment that takes bets on sporting events and pays out winnings. Clearly I am not a gambler or a televised sports enthusiast lol. But anyhow damn, respect to Nadia for dictating the terms of her business arrangement with Robert; she literally rocked up and bossed him around and he practically thanked her for it god I’m starting to get dom/sub vibes here too lol. But anyway Robert makes her feel admired and respected and wanted, whereas lately Arman has (unintentionally) made her feel tolerated rather than appreciated– while he does care for her greatly, I think he holds a subconscious level of resentment towards her, as the thing that stands in the way of what he wants above all else. And she can sense that, even when he’s not aware of it himself. But oooh her expression when Robert commented on the ring and how lovely it looks on her– I think she now sees that Arman was right, and Robert views it as a symbol of her connection to him rather than Arman, proof of him staking his claim. Interested to see what she does with that knowledge– like I said in another meta, I want her to use Robert and then throw him under the bus to take his kingdom right out from under him lol, but I guess I’ll have to wait and see on that one.

The fact that none of the many many guards at this very isolated property have noticed the random car hanging out nearby is a little ridiculous lol. As is the fact that Garrett gets into the compound by sneaking past when their backs are turned– Cortes should definitely fire every one of these goons lol

Ugh Thony looking out the window as if for rescue; makes me think of her “he always shows up when I need him” statement. She knows Arman can’t come for her right now– and in fact, by getting the drug handover done, he is literally doing everything he can to get her her freedom as soon as possible– but she still can’t help but wish for him to appear. And then lol at the ‘well, shit’ expression on her face when Maya walks in. I actually really enjoy the way these two interact, and how they both try to protect the other– Maya by warning her to get out and away from Cortes asap, and Thony by trying to convince her to do the same. Totally in love with the little ‘oh, honey’ look that Thony gives Maya when she learns of her relationship with Garrett; lbr Thony can definitely relate to falling in love with someone she probably shouldn’t have, but at least for her that someone is a man who will literally always put her before himself, which is clearly something Maya didn’t get from Garrett. But while he may be a selfish asshole, Thony knows he really has been trying hard to protect Maya, and that there are good sides to him– certainly far more than Cortes, who is only ever going to hurt her worse and worse until one day she ends up dead. Honestly when Thony said she’d been with someone who hurt her too, I gasped aloud, because I have always believed that Marco (while definitely abusive in multiple other ways) was never physically abusive towards her. I always felt that while Thony accepted/tolerated a certain level of his emotional/financial/social abuse, she would never have tolerated him getting physically violent with her, partly because she has too much fire in her for that, but mainly because she wouldn’t have been able to trust that that violence wouldn’t eventually be turned on Luca, and she could never allow that. So her comment to Maya had me all like omg?!??, and then she added ‘not physically’ and I was just like jesus don’t scare me like that lol. Also later she tells Maya “The way he treats you is not love” and honestly this line says so much. And tbh anyone who judges Thony for ‘cheating’ on Marco– a man who abused her for years and put their son’s health at further risk, and who she could not legally separate herself from/who made it financially almost impossible for her to escape from– can piss right off imo

Anyway omg when Thony had Cortes’ gun to her head ugh… my poor baby deserves all the peace and happiness in the world and yet she gets so much fear and suffering instead. I loved seeing Maya rescue her though, and then Thony immediately trying to rescue her right back– as ever, this show is THE BEST when it comes to women helping other women. And ugh they looked like such a badass duo there facing off against Cortes, Thony staying close by her side and giving her her strength and support. But ugh he did what abusers do and weaseled his way closer until he was almost able to strike– if he’d gotten the gun from Maya, they’d both have been dead in seconds. Which is why I’m pretty much on Garrett’s side when it comes to shooting him tbh; I know that a cop shooting an unarmed man is terrible, but in this context it was the right call, because like I said, he was literally moments from killing them. And to allow one or both of them to be hurt/killed before he could be ‘legally’ taken out is just insane. Damn at Garrett’s trust in his aim though– Cortes and Maya were standing very close– and daaaaaaamn at Thony’s quick thinking (she has learned a few things from being in Arman’s world lol). Honestly so proud of the fact that she did that for Garrett; she and Maya could have just stood there and done nothing, and then told the FBI the truth about what happened– and they would have likely faced no consequences, while Garrett would be hauled away for manslaughter or something (I assume?). But Thony understands that legal and illegal don’t always match up with right and wrong, and she knows that Garrett just saved both of their lives– and so in return, she saves his freedom. It’s going to make their dynamic even more interesting now, and tbh I can’t wait to see more of how they interact and help each other in the future, especially now that he will literally never threaten or blackmail her ever again.

Anyway, not sure what I’ll be stressing over more between now and next ep– Thony getting caught for her aiding and abetting (because as @enigmaticfox brilliantly pointed out, Thony put the gun in Cortes’ left hand, but we definitely saw earlier that he’s right-handed ugh), or Flores looking into Chris, or the (thankfully unlikely) possibility that Arman had a run-in with Sin Cara when trying to get the drugs and ended up in a world of trouble of his own aaaaahhhh (for once I’m actually tempted to watch the promo for next ep, but nah, I’ll just suffer in suspense instead lol)

Alright that’s all for 2x06, kids. See you in a couple of weeks with a recap which will undoubtedly break 10k based on how quickly things are going downhill with my self control lol

#The Cleaning Lady #Armony #TCL recaps #hit a new record today guys are you proud of me lol #I am both proud and terrified haha #honestly how will I survive the next half of the season when the Armony REALLY gets going #(spoiler: I won't)

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tangledinmdzs · 4 years ago

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HIII I LOVE YOUR WRITING SM IT'S SO GOOD😭😭 literally a blessing from the gods to this fandom 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

If you're doing requests rn can you do something with Jin Ling, Sizhui , Xiao Xingchen, and/or Xue Yang (sorry if that's too many characters, just pick whoever you want to do this for lol) where their s/o has to attend some important cultivation meeting, but the problem is s/o has a bunch of hickeys and marks all over their neck and other visible parts of the body from the night before (doesn't have to be sex, maybe just a kiss that got a little too passionate?) before that can't be covered up and they're kind of panicking about it?

aha hi anon!

i’m so glad that you’ve been liking the pieces! and you’re much too kind! thank you so much!

i can definitely give this a try; hope you all enjoy, as always

cheers to your request~

.･:*:･ﾟ’✫,’✫’ﾟ･:*:･˙

Jin Ling

you sigh, put your hair up

put your hair down

put your hair up

and then down again

but the darkish red bites along your neck are as clear as day, no matter what way you do your hair

you’re more than embarrassed, as today was supposed to be your big introduction and announcement to all of the cultivation world as the fiancee to the Jin Lanling sect leader

but said sect leader

may have had too much fun talking with you last night

you let out an annoyed huff, too busy working around the different styles of hair that can cover your open neckline to notice your fiance enter the bedchambers

only when soft hands part your long hair from the back of your head and lay them over your shoulders do you notice that you are no longer alone

“i can’t believe you,” you mumble out to Jin Ling only to continue to pout when he lets out an amused laugh

“well, no better way to announce our marriage, right?” Jin Ling teases and you roll your eyes, turning around to glare at him in return

but Jin Ling is unintimidated, even going so far as to lean in to steal an extra kiss

but you put a hand over his mouth, leaning in as close as you can

(but never enough)

you place the gentlest, most teasing, kiss on the tip of his nose

and turn away to leave, your hair parted by his hands

Lan Sizhui

the hands that are currently wrapped around you are warm, skin only separated by your inner robes

“how am i supposed to change with you like this, hmm? A-Yuan?” you ask gently,

you feel the smallest press of lips at the nape of your neck, a response that lingers and then moves up to all the ticklish spots that Sizhui had always known well

it’s an enticing predicament that you are in, but your meeting with his fathers, Hanguang-Jun and the Yiling Patriach give you enough of a mind to wiggle of out of his grasp, lest he continue like he did last night with his heated kisses on your body

“hey, naughty boy, don’t add any more,” you tell Sizhui, turning in his hold to stare at him,

when you meet eyes with him, he doesn’t seem too convinced to listen to your words

you pout at him

“i’m already embarrassed enough as it is...meeting your fathers like this” you admit

and you see the way that his eyes lighten with a softness that only you could cause in them

“you know, you make it really hard not to,” Sizhui admits, and sometimes the words that he uses with you make you breathless

you blink at him,

“well you’ve got to try, don’t you?” you tell him

and Sizhui feels winded by the wide doe eyes that you always use to stare at him

he takes in a small breath, leans in to press a long reminiscing kiss against your lips

when he leaves your lips, slowly, longingly,

he feels that that should be enough to sate him

for now

Xiao Xingchen

“Daozhang,” you say, warningly

the man that answers to that only huffs a small laugh, though he still stands immensely close to you as you’re dressing yourself for the discussion conference meeting waiting for you just outside the wooden door

you let out a light disbelieving laugh as your eyes hover the red and pinkish hues at the bottom of your neck

who would have thought that some one as “bright as the moon with the gentleness of a breeze” was capable of well

whatever happened to your entire neck and shoulders

anyways

when you look at yourself in the mirror, you catch Xiao Xingchen’s eyes linger on the neckline of your robes

you let out a little breath at him then, meeting eyes with him in the mirror

you watch him as he reaches a strong arm around your shoulder, moving your robes just a slightest bit higher, covering the pinkish tint of your skin as best as he can

his gentleness in moments like this, surprise you, considering the way that you both were last night (lmaooooo)

but with the way that his hand smooths your robes, fixes the wrinkles and brushes off the non-existent dust from your shoulders

it brings a small smile to your face, a shy look despite how well you both know each other

from behind you Xingchen returns your smile,

feeling the butterflies for each other all over again

Xue Yang

you turn your neck to the side, staring at the colors littered all across your skin, the different shades and hues

your hands linger slightly, still careful of the gingerness that you feel

if you turn your neck a certain way, you can still feel the sting and heat of the bites against each inch of your skin...

“pretty?” a deep voice interrupts your thoughts

you startle slightly at the close proximity of Xue Yang’s lips against the shell of your ear

once you regain yourself, you let out a huff as you turn to look at him, an annoyed eyebrow raised at him,

“what will the other cultivators think when i go to the conference later?” you ask, not necessarily to him but more so a thought to yourself,

“that you have a very dedicated lover,” Xue Yang answers anyways and you take in a deep breath and turn to meet eyes with him

catch that annoying, infuriatingly handsome way that he has with his devious smile

“my lover might very well cost me a fine for public indecency,” you tell him bluntly and that gets a very unattractive snort out of Xue Yang in response,

“then don’t be indecent in public, just stay here with me,” Xue Yang persuades, and you’re angry at yourself that it’s kind of working

but you have a conference to attend

a time and place to be

a name to clear

when you share a look at him, you lean in for one final kiss, one that is long and leaves your breathless

but gives you all the strength that you need to depart

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atherix0 · 2 years ago

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FERAL MUMBO MY BELOVED. MY ANGEL. MWAHHHHHHHHH. Shattering glass in his hand because Blondie fed on Scar, not caring about the GLASS in his HAND because BLONDIE fed on SCAR AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH god him caring more about protecting than vengenace is S U C H a good use of that trope though, what a genius way to snap him out of it oh my GOD. I loves him. My precious.

Also though you are doing some absolutely genius things with your magic system and they are absolutely SENDING me. I have an english degree so as you can guess, picking this stuff apart in your askbox is my JAM. The dichotomy of vampire and scar's magic [since its not quite fae or sorcerer] where vampires seem to use their magic much still, and gain magic through a 'still' action [drinking blood], and Scar has to move in order to cast which - So I've read through everything twice and going back and reading the chapter where Scar is casting illusions of Boatem for Grian to understand the history and looking at how he sways and moves through the very illusions he's casting like a gentle breeze, compared to the SPINNING and SLAMMING of him casting magic while he fights for his life is EVERYTHING to me.

Giving Grian the main POV of the story is also genius, because [well, given the 'not a watchr yet' tag, as of right now - ] it means the POV character is learning the magic as we go along, but Mumbo and Scar ALSO have to learn EACH OTHERs magic and livelihood, which means we STILL get that in other POVs. It's such a smart way to handle your worldbuilding and I'm actually doing something similar in a novel I'm writing rn [wherein the MC is a museum director being drug along on a quest by an Immortal, All Powerful Wizard] so I'm sitting here just taking notes about how you handle all the worldbuilding without infodumping it on us because I've never written fantasy before so im like 👀👀

Also I know she's NOT Pearl since you don't wanna make any of the lifers or hermits the bad guys, understandable, but I can really feeling the Pearl-in-Double-Life vibes being channeled through Blondie and what a genius way to handle that as well - Having an OC in a story that FEELS like another character makes it a lot easier to accept that they're there in the fanfiction and helps to avoid any self insert vibes. It's genius. She's scary but also. I love her. In a villian way.

Mumbo might be going feral but the safety and needs of his Coven friends is the most important thing and even Seeing Red he knows this <3 I just knew that I want Mumbo to be capable of going Feral(TM) but even if/when he does he still has enough sense to prioritize <3 ALSO because this chapter kind'a establishes that Mumbo has that Lord feel that he said you would "know when you [saw]" so it was important for me to draw a clear and stark line between Mumbo and the "bad Lords" (the ones who act like masters over servants rather than protectors of a family/pack) so <3

AAAA THANK YOU I love exploring magic systems and making them as unique as possible <3 Ooo that is delightful, I love seeing your analyses <3 YES YES YES YOU NOTICED Elves are always in motion when using magic (not just Scar, but Scar is the only Elf who uses a staff and unlike Sorcerers who require a staff to focus and direct magic he also needs to move his staff to properly channel his magic and just gjfdjds) and Vampires don't need to move at all (and in fact their most typical magic, which is magic absorption/Turning, requires being STILL to safely perform <3) I am so happy someone picked up on that hhfgdhjgfdjhshj YESSS it's a very gentle vs rough movement which gives the magic its different oomphs and I greatly enjoy the imagery of "graceful dance with the wind" and "dangerous dance in a hurricane" jhfgdskj, some parts you can definitely see him leaning more on Fae magic or Sorcery (spinning/twirling his staff and creating an ethereal wind and weaving spells on the spot and gentle movements vs heavy use of pre-set glyphs activated with a wave of his staff and charging the staff with raw magic but no actual spell etc etc) and one is much more suited for fighting than the other so <3

(thank you for remembering that tag because it's gonna get important again soon <3) I love love LOVE limited POVs bc it means I get to choose the character who knows the LEAST about a particular situation <3 Yessss originally the Midnight Series was written completely from Grian's POV, and the biggest reason I decided to split it up like this is because so much of the story gets lost BECAUSE Scar and Mumbo have to learn about each other hjfdskj and it's super important for me (as a poly person) that Mumbo and Scar develop a relationship both WITH Grian and WITHOUT Grian <3 Oooo I love that, that sounds so cool 👀👀 Fantasy is so much fun to write, fantasy and sci-fi are probably my favorite genres because what's sci-fi if not just technofantasy <3 I wish you luck, I believe in you!! And when it's published one day I will find it and be like <3 Anon <3

HAHA YES I really liked Unhinged Pearl but Pearl cannot be a villain in this series for multiple reasons I cannot explain cuz of Spoilers(TM) so I decided to channel her unhinged energy into this OC, it's fun and familiar but not a copy-paste so <3 Especially since she ended up being such a huge character in the story, turning out to be a bit of a main antagonist at this point jhfdsjk so yeah haha I love her and she's an irredeemable POS <3 I am so wary about using OCs but my wariness about OCs was less than my Not Wanting to Make Canon Characters Villains, I'd much rather let them be townsfolk and other magical creatures that befriend the main cast somewhere in the background than make them a character that the narrative is setting up to die <3 Haha-

Thank you so much this was wonderful to wake up to <3 <3 And now I'm back to writing <3

#Ask #Midnight Series #Mumscarian fantasy AU #Should I tag these as hermitshipping for filter purposes? Probably #hermitshipping

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rkived · 4 years ago

Text

━ CHASING PAVEMENTS 03 | JJK

↳ PAIRING: dad!jk/married!jk/bff!jk x reader

↳ GENRE/TAGS: f2l, angst, unrequited feelings, cheating, future smut

↳ WARNINGS: (for this chapter) time jumps, mention of divorce, blood mention ((but like nothing serious)), forced kisses, just sad stuff like this is sad guys lol

↳ WORD COUNT: 8.6k

↳ EXCERPT: ‘‘Jungkook doesn’t want to think this is the end, maybe it’s that stupid voice inside his head that always holds on to things that he knows he should let go of. But he can’t just let go of this and move on. He doesn’t remember what life was like before you and he sure as hell does not want to know what it’ll be like without you.’’

↳ A/N: getting this chapter out has been ((a pain in the ass)) tough !! & cp was supposed to end with this chapter but that was not realistic at all lmao but i do hope u like this n i’ll try to get pt4 quickly as possible <3 thx

01 | 02 | 03 | 04

‘‘Okay everyone, let’s switch to the upward facing dog!’’

You really don’t want to be here. There’s a lot of stuff running through your head right now that are more important than focusing on yoga positions. You wish you were thinking about grocery shopping or paying that month’s bills.

Instead, you’re still stuck on the downward facing dog as your mind tells you you’re an idiot, a homewrecker and most importantly, a terrible friend.

‘‘Y/N, upward facing dog!’’ The instructor, Namjoon, reminds you with a gentle smile as he notices you haven’t switched positions like the rest of the class. You nod and smoothly place your body as he had taught in the classes before.

The only reason why you came to your Saturday morning yoga class was because even with all that happened last night, you wanted to feel a sense of normality. Like you’re capable of going on about your life like nothing had happened.

That’s selfish and stupid because as much as you tried, every single moment since you woke up revolved around last night.

From the moment you opened your eyes, noticing Sunhi wasn’t sleeping next to you, snuggled into your chest like you had last remembered her to be before she fell asleep and you following soon after.

And as your heart beat faster at the thought of finding her in her dad’s arms instead, watching Saturday morning cartoons on the T.V in your living room; you instead found the place neat and tidy. The messy pillows on your couch where placed like they hadn’t even been moved to begin with, like no one besides you had been in the apartment the night before.

Somehow he managed to do all of this without you even noticing. You wondered at what time he woke up, cleaned up, took Sunhi without making any fuss and left, all before your 7 AM alarm could wake you up.

He even made you breakfast too. Some eggs, bacon and toast.

‘‘Y/N, your legs are touching the mat.’’ Namjoon notes as he stands in front of you, ‘‘Let’s focus, okay?’’

You nod once again, though this time a little more embarrassed. If only you could explain to your instructor why you’re so distracted.

No messages either. No text explaining why he had to leave so early. No sticky note placed on your fridge door about how he made you breakfast. No slight shake to your sleeping body to let you know that he’d be taking Sunhi. Nothing.

Would’ve you liked that, though?

You could say yes because he’s your friend and it’s only fair since you took care of his daughter the night before.

But it’s not right, because friends don’t kiss each other, let alone the way you had let him kiss you and touch you while his daughter slept in your room and his wife waited for both of them at home.

There was a war going on inside you between your brain and your heart.

Your heart, being a weak ass bitch, was telling you about how exciting everything was. How nice it felt to have Jungkook tell you that he wanted to be with you, that he no longer felt happy with his wife, how perfectly his lips encaptured your own and how you could still feel them on you.

But your brain, obviously being the logical one between the two, reminded you about how wrong it was. You had never wanted to be placed in a position of being ‘‘the other woman’’. That even though you might not like Jiwoo and had spent years hoping your friend would someday wake up and realize this too, this didn’t feel right.

‘‘Alright, let’s drink some water now.’’ Namjoon announces, clasping his hands together and showing off that dimple that most ─if not all─ of the students went heart eyes over.

You take the time to check your phone instead, you don’t need the water because you didn’t do shit anyway. There’s no text from Minji, who you’re scared will somehow, by the grace of everything that’s holy, find out about what you did. No text from Jungkook either and you’re wondering why he hasn’t bothered to send one.

Instead, there’s a text from Taehyung and you mutter a curse.

[8:34 AM] Taehyung: hey y/n! i’m sure you’re in your yoga class rn but i wanted to see if maybe you’d be up for lunch at my place? i’ll try and cook something nice :)

Ah, of course that throughout all of this you forgot about Taehyung.

The sweet guy who had stuck around only for you to pay him back by kissing your best friend, the one Taehyung had to pretend wasn’t bothered by his interruption that night a few weeks ago.

God, you do have a way to fuck things up for yourself.

You don’t know how long you stood there thinking what to reply to him, but it definitely was for a few minutes because you only came back to reality once you heard your name being called once by the instructor.

‘‘Y/N,’’ Namjoon repeats and you look over at him with a puzzled look, ‘‘we’re starting again, if you’d like to join us.’’ There’s that smile again. Bless his patience, you wonder if he’s actually this calm because of yoga or he’s just really good at pretending.

You look back down at your phone, the screen displaying a text that’s still waiting to be replied to.

‘‘I uhm─I gotta go, sorry.’’ You quickly reply, making Namjoon look at you with wide eyes, but he makes no effort to stop you either.

And as quickly as you can, you collect your belongings before you’re heading out the door without saying goodbye.

Either you quit yoga altogether or just apologize to Namjoon like a grownup next Saturday. Whatever it is, you’re not thinking about what decision to make about your little extracurricular right now.

There’s only so much you can handle at a time.

Jungkook is lucky that Jiwoo works Saturday mornings because with her away, he’s able to enter his house without having to sneak in.

He opens the door wide, making way for him and a slightly awake Sunhi in his arms. He drops the keys on the counter without caring about the noise it makes. He doesn’t even have to pretend like he’s walking on glass, his boots are allowed to hit the wooden floor without a care in the world.

The place doesn’t look much different from what he had left it like the day before. There’s only a dirty glass on the sink, a product of Jiwoo’s daily breakfast smoothies and since she’s always in a rush she never has time to clean it up.

‘‘Are you still sleepy, pumpkin?’’ he quietly asks his daughter and she nods, he doesn’t blame her since he’s the one who woke her up at 6 AM. ‘‘Alright, I’ll take you to your bed,” he says, a kiss on her head following shortly after.

He wonders if Jiwoo enjoyed herself last night. No daughter and no husband, sounds like an ideal night for her. It’s not like she was worried about their whereabouts either, considering she hadn’t even bothered to text him wondering why they hadn’t come home.

If Jungkook’s supposed to feel guilty, he isn’t.

He’s heard stories before about how there’s a voice in your head constantly reminding you about what you did and how wrong it is. That he’ll be unable to sleep knowing he cheated on his wife while she lies next to him. That he won’t be able to look at her again without feeling remorse all over him.

And when Jiwoo returns home at noon, there’s none of that at all. He offers her a nod of acknowledgement once she enters the living room to find him sitting with his laptop, watching through old videos that he took years back.

She puts her index finger up, telling him to give her a minute. She’s on a phone call with a friend of hers that Jungkook can only conclude is Hyeri, who he probably met at some point but can’t remember what her face looked like.

‘‘I know! Like, why do you have to be such a bitch about it? We get that you’re sucking the boss’s dick in private, so you might as well─’’

Jiwoo’s voice is too distracting and so, Jungkook places his earphones in to hear what this video’s audio is about. Once he does, he hits play and the audio is loud enough to drown out Jiwoo’s whining.

‘‘Guess who came to see you, Pumpkin?’’

Jungkook gasps as he remembers this was part of a series of videos he was supposed to show Sunhi once she was old enough to understand them. He recorded a few until he was drowning in work to even grab his camera again. It saddens him that he wasn’t able to continue.

He decides he’ll show them to her later because right now Sunhi is too busy playing with her dolls inside her room to even pay attention to him.

‘‘It’s auntie Y/N! And she came bearing gifts,’’ Jungkook smiles, switching the focus on you ‘‘is that a Fisher Price Taco Tuesday toy set that I see?’’ he wonders in a fake curious tone as you look at him with narrowed eyes ‘‘I wonder how she knew you wanted that, Sunhi. It’s not like your dad had it on his Amazon wishlist or anything.’’

‘‘Very funny.’’ You mumble, handing him the toys so you could go ahead and grab a tiny three-month-old Sunhi from the bed ‘‘Aren’t you the cutest little bean in this entire world? Aren’t you?’’ you coo at the little girl, who looks at you with wide eyes and you’re forced to blink a couple of times because she looks just like him.

‘‘Of course she is, she’s my spitting image!’’ Jungkook confirms your thought as he grabs Sunhi’s cheek gently with his fingers and squeezes, making the baby giggle.

You side-eye him and then focus your attention back on the baby in your hands, ‘‘No, you’re not, Sunhi. Your daddy is not cute at all.’’

‘‘You’re gonna make me put this camera down and have a discussion about this.’’

Jungkook chuckles at the footage, noticing how he made you smile because of his comment. The video isn’t long, it’s mostly you cooing to a then tiny Sunhi, giggling at the way you would nuzzle your nose into her belly as Jungkook laughed behind the camera.

‘‘Jungkook, look at her!’’ You practically squeal as Sunhi grabs your thumb with her little hand ‘‘Oh my gosh, I think I’m gonna cry.’’

He laughs as he does a close-up of his daughter holding on to your finger, until he hears the little sniffle you let out and the camera is now focused on you silently wiping a tear away.

‘‘Wait, you’re actually crying?’’ Jungkook asks in disbelief and you turn to look at him to find the lens focused on you ‘‘Sunhi, you’re Auntie Y/N loves you so much that she’s crying! How cute.’’

‘‘You’re so dumb, seriously.’’ you mumble with a frown, going back to gawking at the baby still holding on to your thumb.

Jungkook sighs, ‘‘I’m gonna have to bleep that out, y’know?’’

You laugh and shrug your shoulders, caressing Sunhi’s stomach. Jungkook whispers ‘cute’, so soft that you’re unable to hear it.

Once it ends, Jungkook is able to see his smiling face as it reflects on the black screen and it’s only then he realized he’d been grinning the whole time. Now his ears are filled with Jiwoo talking over the phone and his smile goes back to a straight line.

Jungkook closes the video and clicks on the next one, hoping that it’s one that involves you as well. He’s unable to press play because Jiwoo is suddenly standing in front of him, arms crossed and she’s no longer talking on her phone.

‘‘Yes?’’ He asks, removing an earbud to show her she has his full attention.

‘‘So, where were you last night?’’

Jungkook’s slightly surprised that she cares. He tends to forget there’s still some humanity left in her after all, ‘‘At Y/N’s.’’ he answers with a shrug, eyes going back to stare at the screen of his laptop.

Jiwoo scoffs and he’s forced to look at her again, eyebrow slightly raised. He hopes she doesn’t start because it’s too early and it’s a Saturday. But Jiwoo doesn’t like taking breaks like he does.

‘‘I thought you said that she wasn’t going to be able to take care of Sunhi on Fridays.’’ There’s bitterness in her tone, ‘‘so, what were you doing there?’’

Jungkook understands where Jiwoo’s curiosity comes from, but it’s strange. She’s never been the type to ask where he’s been, what he’s doing with Sunhi while she’s not around ─which is practically all the time─ and doesn’t care for your business either.

‘‘I just stopped by.’’ Jungkook mutters, stroking the nape of his neck in an attempt to not seem suspicious, ‘‘We hung out and Sunhi fell asleep, she didn’t wanna come back home.’’

And that’s true, Jiwoo narrows her eyes at him as if she’s debating whether or not to believe him and the excuse of their sleeping daughter. She doesn’t know Sunhi that well to conclude if it’s possible or not.

‘‘And what, did you all three sleep together in the same bed? Playing family, maybe?’’

Jungkook looks at her in disbelief. This is a first.

‘‘What?’’ Is all he’s able to muster because he’s genuinely shocked at her accusation.

Jiwoo rolls her eyes, ‘‘Oh, please. Like I’m going to buy that hanging out bullshit.’’ Jungkook looks like a deer stuck in headlights and she chuckles, ‘‘Is what I give to you not enough?’’

‘‘I─what are you on about?’’

He figures this is her picking a fight because he wasn’t around yesterday to attend her needs like he usually does every Friday night. But Jungkook’s mind is quick to remind him of what he did and it’d be really ironic if he denies Jiwoo’s accusations, that for the first time are actually true.

‘‘I carried around that girl for nine months, ruined my body because of her, all for you to pick someone else over me?’’ Jiwoo’s voice is raised a little higher and Jungkook can’t help but look over at Sunhi’s bedroom door and hope his daughter is not listening to anything coming from the living room. ‘‘I knew I should’ve never trusted her, I always knew your friendship with her was fucking weird.’’

Jungkook doesn’t want to raise his voice either. It’s not going to get them anywhere. But he can’t stand the way she’s speaking about his daughter and you, she’s never crossed those boundaries before.

‘‘Are you insane? How can you talk about your daughter like she’s nothing?’’ Jungkook spats out, ‘‘I’ve always been thankful for what you did, I know the shit you went through to bring her into this world.’’

But Jiwoo doesn’t care about how loud she’s being, ‘‘You’re so thankful you pay me back by fucking your best friend? While I’m alone over here waiting for you to come back?’’

Jungkook has to take a deep breath and close his eyes for a second, before he loses it.

He clears his throat, ‘‘Jiwoo, I have always chosen you. Always. I did back when I was a sophomore, I did it when I asked you to marry me, and I did it when I chose you to be the mother of my children. So, I don’t know what─’’

‘‘I don’t give a flying fuck if you chose me! I was supposed to be all of that either way, Jungkook.’’ She interjects.

Was she, though? Of course, she was his girlfriend then. It would make sense that she’d be the one to end up marrying him, having his kids and living the happy life everyone guaranteed he’d live alongside her.

But he hasn’t been thinking about the choices he ended up taking back then. Instead, he’s been wondering about the ‘what if’s and Jiwoo isn’t in any of them.

Jungkook’s been daydreaming for months now about how different his life would’ve turned out if he had never asked the pretty girl in his class all those years back and instead had focused his attention somewhere else. Or someone else..

‘‘Are you going to answer me?’’ Jiwoo’s stern voice brings him back to the reality he hates, ‘‘Were you going to pick me or was I a second choice?’’ She slowly asks, giving him an opportunity to digest every single word she spoke.

‘‘You weren’t a second choice,’’ he mumbles and his gaze has faltered and instead focused back on the screen of his laptop. Clicking on a video randomly, trying to distract himself from the situation at hand. Hoping that whatever he says is enough for Jiwoo to leave him alone.

It doesn’t help that the video automatically plays and it’s you on the first frame, a big smile as you hold Sunhi towards the camera, making her wiggle in your arms.

What if.

‘‘Show me that you love me, then.’’

The video still plays as Jungkook looks back at Jiwoo standing right in front of him, her arms are still crossed, but the look on her face is different. Her brows are no longer furrowed and Jungkook might be wrong, but he thinks her eyes look glossy.

He doesn’t act quickly enough and she takes the laptop from him, closing it before she can even notice what is it that has garnered his attention. Jiwoo straddles his lap and he jumps slightly at the action, placing her arms around his neck as she looks at him with innocent eyes.

If he didn’t know her, he would’ve believed them.

‘‘Jiwoo, let’s not─’’

‘‘I missed you yesterday,’’ she interjects in a whisper ‘‘show me that you love me right now.’’

Her lips latch onto his neck, biting and sucking on the skin as he tries to wriggle himself out of her hold, but her hands push at his chest so he can stay still.

‘‘C’mon,’’ she mumbles ‘‘show me.’’ She’s pleading by then.

He feels nothing. There’s no electricity in Jiwoo’s kisses. No tingles on his back, no goosebumps on his skin, no fireworks going off. If anything, everytime her lips meet his skin it feels bitter, like they don’t belong there at all.

‘‘Daddy, come please!’’ The muffled voice of Sunhi inside her room interrupts the one-sided moment and Jungkook is silently thanking her.

Jiwoo doesn’t make an effort to move as she keeps kissing on all the exposed skin he has to offer. Jungkook sighs in frustration as he forces her off him, making her land beside him with an astonished expression.

Her hands tighten into fists as she looks at him like he’s gone insane, ‘‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’’ She asks in disbelief.

Jungkook blinks, ‘‘Did you─?’’ He gestures with his finger over to his daughter’s room, ‘‘Sunhi is calling me.’’

His wife scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest again, ‘‘Of course, you always go running when it comes to her.’’

Contrary to his belief, there is no humanity left in Jiwoo at all. She’s just really good at pretending like she cares so she can get her way. This is the last time Jungkook falls for this trick.

Jungkook opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He repeats this action a few times, to stammer something out. Anything. But there’s nothing besides the expecting silence of his wife as she chuckles incredulously. Jungkook ignores this and turns around, a second away from opening Sunhi’s bedroom door─

‘‘You’re a waste of a husband.’’ Jiwoo sneered.

His hand drops from the door handle and he sighs, taking a deep breath in and out.

He looks back at her, ‘‘You know what, Jiwoo? I wasn’t lying when I said you weren’t my second choice.’’ he informs and her eyebrow raises up ‘‘But you aren’t my first choice now either.’’

Jiwoo scowls and heaves in anger, ready to let hell loose on him ‘‘I knew that who─’’

‘‘It’s Sunhi,’’ he states and Jiwoo closes her mouth before she can even finish her sentence. ‘‘Ever since I knew you were pregnant with her, she’s been at the top of my list and she’ll always be there. I don’t care what you do or say to me, I really don’t. You don’t love me, Jiwoo.’’

At the accusation, her eyes soften and she’s standing up to argue that it’s not true, but Jungkook raises his hand in a motion to stop her.

‘‘You don’t love me and I don’t love you.’’

Jungkook expected her to start yelling at him like she usually did, but Jiwoo’s rendered speechless on her spot as she stares at him, blinking rapidly.

‘‘I don’t love you,’’ he repeats ‘‘and I haven’t loved you for a while now. I don’t remember the last time my heart raced up when I saw you or when I stopped enjoying kissing you. And I’m sorry, because I should’ve told you instead of pretending like I did.’’

Jiwoo’s motionless as she takes all of his words in.

‘‘But I did it for her because I didn’t want her to hate me if you ever left. But that was a dumb idea because you don’t care about Sunhi. And frankly, I doubt she cares about you either. She never speaks about you, never asks about you, she’s used to you not being here even if you sort of are.’’

Jungkook places his hand over the doorknob once again and Jiwoo grimaces.

‘‘I should’ve never begged you to come back. I should’ve thought about what you wanted and it’s always been clear to me what that is,’’ Jungkook swallows the knot he feels in his throat ‘‘and it’s never been Sunhi or me.’’

‘‘Jungkook.’’

He thinks she’s about to tell him how sorry she is. That she’ll recognize how heartless she’s been and how she not only failed him, but failed their daughter too. Maybe beg for a final try at their relationship as she promises she’ll change this time.

Jungkook hums and spares her one last glance.

Jiwoo has a stoic expression on her face and she speaks under her breath, but clear enough for him to hear, ‘‘Sign the papers when you get them.’’

You expect Minji to just jump at you any minute now because if looks could kill, you’d be dead already. Maybe you should’ve pretended like you weren’t home and let Minji knock on your door until she’d give up, but even you knew better than that.

It was better to face her now than to deal with her accumulated wrath later.

‘‘When were you going to tell me?’’ She suddenly asks and it takes you by surprise because it had been way too silent since you had let her in.

Minji works like a predator, she attacks when you least expect it and right now you definitely feel like you’re about to be eaten.

‘‘I─uh…’’

She sighs and you can see the disappointment in her face, ‘‘Were you going to tell me at all?’’

You nod instead, not trusting yourself enough to speak at the moment.

It had been a week since the event in your living room and it makes you shift uncomfortably in your chair as you stare at your friend, who’s sitting on the couch where everything went down.

‘‘Then why did I have to find out through Taehyung?’’ She asks in a disappointed tone.

You figured he’d tell her. It’s not like you asked him not to do so, but you had silently prayed that the universe was on your side on this one and by some unknown reason they wouldn’t bump into each other at work and Minji, like she usually did, wouldn’t ask him about you. Because if she did, then he’d have to explain how you had broken the news that you had made out with your best friend; the one Minji despised with her soul.

A sigh escapes your lips as you lower your head with shame.

You were supposed to tell her, but every time you took your phone and tried to dial or text her, your nerves got the best of you and ended up chickening out, promising that you’d do it the next day. Then the next day. And the next day.

It’s not like you’re scared of Minji─well, maybe only slightly. But you know the effort she put into getting you to go out and meet someone new, someone that’s not married and not a father. She’s known Taehyung for so long, probably even told him how much of a good girl you were to convince him to take you out, only for you to end up throwing all of that in the trash like it was nothing.

Minji’s also spent years pushing you to move on from your friendship with Jungkook. Not just because she doesn’t like him, but because she’s always felt like he’s held you back while he’s made his way in life. You’ve stuck behind him making sure that he’s okay and happy, forgetting about yourself in the process.

‘‘I’m not angry at you,’’ she speaks softly, making you look up at her with surprise. ‘‘I just─He gave you a second chance, Y/N. Why did you say no?’’ Her words are laced with curiosity and you know that she’s asking because even Taehyung wasn’t able to give her an answer to this question.

Your bottom lip trembles and you’re trying your hardest not to burst into tears in front of him. You can’t and you won’t. How even dare you to do that?

‘‘I’m sorry,’’ you whisper and your eyes shift down to the wooden floor of his apartment. ‘‘I’m sorry, Taehyung.’’ You repeat, knowing it’s not enough.

Taehyung gulps and his crossed arms quickly fall to his sides as he realizes that, whatever anger he felt when you told him about what you did, was no longer there the moment he saw how genuinely apologetic you looked.

‘‘I’m an idiot, I know.’’ You continue, rubbing your clammy hands into the material of your leggings and it does nothing to dry them. ‘‘I’m sorry, Taehyung.’’

He knows he shouldn't be so easily swayed by your apology, but he can’t help but want to cradle you in his arms. And when he does, your eyebrows raise in surprise as you gasp because you weren’t expecting this.

You expected anger, insults thrown out about how you’re a slut and being kicked out of his apartment with him telling you to never contact him again.

Taehyung’s still sweet even when his heart is getting broken.

‘‘It’s okay,’’ he whispers into your hair as one of his hands runs up and down your back ‘‘we can work this out, yeah?’’

You bite the tip of your tongue as you take his words in, feeling your heart speeding up even faster than what it was when you spilled everything out on him. Maybe you would’ve preferred him getting angry than his current reaction.

‘‘It’s not like we were exclusive, right?’’ Taehyung chuckles, but it feels like he’s convincing himself that that was the reason as to why it happened. ‘‘Let’s forget it, seriously.’’

A shaky sigh comes out of your mouth as your arms, that hadn’t reciprocated his hug, gain the strength to separate yourself from him. He looks taken aback, but he’s waiting for you to reply in agreement because, yes, you could work this out if you try hard enough.

But that’s not realistic. Pretending like you never kissed Jungkook is not realistic at all, because it’s sad to admit that you won’t be able to kiss Taehyung again without thinking about your best friend in the back of your head as you’re reminded that not only did you let him kiss you, but you reciprocated and not only did you reciprocate, but you liked it a little too much.

‘‘Y/N,’’ he speaks up, snapping you from your thoughts,‘‘please, let’s just try.’’ He silently asks─no, begs.

The barking of his dog, Yeontan, startles you as you come to stare at the little dog at the feet of his owner, who at the moment isn’t interested to see what he wants. You never told Taehyung, but the teacup pomeranian was extremely overprotective of him.

He’s barking at you like you’re hurting his owner and maybe you aren’t physically doing any damage, but you know that you’re about to break his heart all over again.

‘‘I-I…,’’ you blink as you try to focus on the man in front of you and not the dog on the ground, ‘‘I’m sorry, I can’t.’’

Yeontan’s barks increase and Taehyung is at a loss for words to beg you to stay and talk things through. You can still hear the dog’s incessant barking as you make your way down the hall and that’s when the tears you were holding finally fall down.

‘‘Taehyung’s a nice guy, Y/N. He forgave you and you just left?’’ Minji asks, disbelief in her tone. ‘‘I thought you liked him.’’

‘‘I do!’’ You finally speak up. You’re sure of it, you like Taehyung. Your friend gives you a puzzled look because she really can’t understand you right now. ‘‘I like Taehyung, I really do,’’ you mutter, ‘‘but it’s not fair to him.’’

Minji scrunches her face up because there’s only one reason you’re thinking that way. She’s tired of this narrative, it’s old and overdone and it should’ve ended years ago.

She lets out a breathless chuckle, ‘‘You love him, don’t you?’’ Another question that takes you by surprise.

‘‘No, I just─’’

Minji holds her finger up, interrupting you, ‘‘I’m talking about Jungkook.’’

This is the attack. Not the other questions she had asked you regarding her old family friend. Not the unannounced arrival to your apartment on an uneventful Saturday morning where you had chosen to stay in bed instead of facing the peaceful yoga instructor. Not the glaring looks she had been giving you for the last minutes.

And if you weren’t ready for any of those, this one definitely takes the prize.

‘‘I-I of course I love him,’’ you mumble, ‘‘he’s my friend.’’

Minji smirks as her eyebrows raise, ‘‘No, I’m asking if you’re in love him.’’

You’re sure that the feelings that you’ve had for Jungkook have always been platonic. You do love him because he’s your friend and you’re supposed to love your friends. But you know that the love that you have for him is very different from the one you have for anyone else. It might be the history between you two. You’ve been with him through it all, cheering from the sidelines as he accomplishes one milestone after the other.

‘‘Be honest with me,’’ Minji demands, ‘‘are you in love with Jungkook?’’ she asks once again.

Your eyes well up and your bottom lip is trembling as you look back at your intimidating best friend because your silence is deafening and you’re expecting her to throw the last blow. You think you deserve it. Minji has so much she wants to say, but you look so dejected and she figures that you might’ve just realized it.

‘‘Hey, it’s okay.’’ She comes up to you quickly, crouching down as she looks up at the tears rolling down your reddened cheeks. ‘‘Y/N, it’s okay.’’

You’ve been trying to tell yourself the same thing the past few days.

It’s okay that you kissed your best friend. It’s okay that you’ve slowly and silently started harbouring feelings for him. It’s okay that you just realized you’ve been in love with him for a while now. It’s okay that you’ve been resenting the fact that he didn’t choose you all those years ago. It’s okay that you take care of and love his daughter like she’s yours.

But...

‘‘No, it’s not.’’ You cry, ‘‘I can’t do that, Minji, he’s not mine to have.’’

Your mind quickly brings you back to the harsh reality, which is that Jungkook will never be yours. He probably only kissed you because he was looking for something that was capable of exciting him again after realizing how bored of his marriage he is. He doesn’t love you like that, he’ll never love you like that.

Minji can’t disagree with what you just said, but she also feels like right now is not the time to make you feel even worse when it’s obvious you’re already there.

‘‘I blocked his number, anyway.’’ You mumble out, wiping away your tears.

Your friend’s eyes widened at the revelation, ‘‘What?’’.

‘‘I freaked out after I talked to Taehyung because I felt so guilty and you know how I don’t know how to deal with shit ever, so I just─’’ You stop yourself from rambling and sigh as you feel Minji’s hand squeezing your knee as a sign of comfort, ‘‘I can’t see him again without thinking about it. I can’t take care of Sunhi knowing he’s going home to sleep with Jiwoo. I just can’t keep pretending anymore.’’

Minji can’t do much after that, you’ve become a sobbing mess and the tears seem unstoppable. She’s never seen you like this and it dawns on her that you’ve held all of this in for way too long.

It’s ironic because she’s always told you that you need space from Jungkook, thinking it’d be good for you to finally realize that you’re not part of his list of priorities anymore and hadn’t been for a long time.

But she hadn’t taken into account what the after effects of not having him in your life anymore would look like.

[12:03 PM] Jeon Jungkook: hi y/n

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[12:04 PM] Jeon Jungkook: hey???

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[12:07 PM] Jeon Jungkook: i wanted to see if you’d like to meet up for lunch one of these days? i feel like we need to talk

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[5:13 PM] Jeon Jungkook: does this work now??

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Jungkook groans in annoyance as he finds another one of his texts left undelivered. It feels like life is either against him or doing this for his own good.

Nonetheless, he wants to talk to you because it’s been a few days since he last saw and heard from you. He figures you’re mad, the last words you spoke to him didn’t sound friendly at all and he wonders if maybe leaving without saying goodbye that day was the right thing to do.

The small snores coming from beside him make him realize Sunhi is finally asleep and he can’t help but let out a sigh of disappointment as he watches her curl into a fetal like position, clutching her Dumbo plush toy and slightly drooling into his favorite pillow, making him pout because he knows he won’t be able to pry it away from her when he decides to fall asleep too.

Sunhi being fast asleep is supposed to bring peace to Jungkook’s tiring day, though the silence is extremely uncomfortable and these days he’s come to realize how much he rather have his daughter running around and yelling in excitement than this.

Complete and utter silence.

[7:13 PM] Jeon Jungkook: (1.jpg attached) sunhi misses auntie y/n!! she’s been asking me about you a lot

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[7:15 PM] Jeon Jungkook: i miss auntie y/n more tho…

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[7:17 PM] Jeon Jungkook: i hope ur alright :)

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‘‘Pumpkin, you can stop smiling already.’’ Jungkook chuckles as he looks up from his phone, noticing his daughter still holding the big smile he had given him when he requested to take a picture of her to send to you. ‘‘I already sent the picture to Auntie Y/N.’’ He informs and she sighs with relief, massaging her cheeks from straining them too hard.

Though his eyebrows furrow, noticing his messages have once again been left undelivered. He makes a mental note to call the phone company soon, because it’s been over a week since he last sent the first messages and those remained in the same state as well.

‘‘Daddy, unpause!’’ Sunhi demands, making him realize that he’s in the middle of showing her his favorite Pixar movie, Cars.

Twenty minutes had passed and for a majority of them Sunhi had only watched attentively and Jungkook looked over at her every other second just to make sure she hadn’t fallen asleep. Warmness spread throughout him as he noticed his daughter looking at the screen with those big doe eyes she had inherited from him.

Once the scene where Sally shows Lightning McQueen around Radiator Springs, Jungkook feels a tug at his sweatshirt and looks down to notice Sunhi’s little hand grabbing at the fabric, her eyes are still glued to the screen.

“Auntie Y/N likes this too?” She asks and Jungkook chuckles because his daughter can’t stop thinking about his friend even when doing anything completely unrelated to you.

Maybe that’s another thing she inherited as well.

[7:03 PM] Jeon Jungkook: so i called my phone company and asked them abt why my messages aren’t being delivered and they said that you must’ve blocked me

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[7:04 PM] Jeon Jungkook: yeah i guess you did

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Jungkook’s mind has gone blank ever since he got off the phone with the cellphone company.

The idea that you might’ve blocked his number had not once crossed his mind during the weeks of undelivered texts and phone calls sent straight to voicemail. It was obvious, but he didn’t think you’d be capable of doing it.

He wanted it to be a network issue or something else that he could put blame on instead of facing the realization that you had shut him out from your life. And that thought hurt, no─stung him.

The worst part is that he knows he deserves it. It was foolish of him to think that you had enjoyed the kiss too. Dumb enough to believe that you might’ve reciprocated the way he felt.

Jungkook doesn’t want to think this is the end, maybe it’s that stupid voice inside his head that always holds on to things that he knows he should let go of. But he can’t just let go of this and move on.

He doesn’t remember what life was like before you and he sure as hell does not want to know what it’ll be like without you.

[1:30 AM] Jeon Jungkook: i miss you so fucking much i’m sorry if i knew that kissing you would’ve fucked everything up htne i woudl’ve never done it y/n i’m sorry

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[1:31 AM] Jeon Jungkook: i really wanted to kiss you but it was selfish of me to do it i didnt think about what you must’ve felt im sos sorry

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[1:32 AM] Jeon Jungkook: sunhi’s been asking me about yoj and i dont even know what to say anymore

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[2:27 AM] Jeon Jungkook: i don’t even care if you dont wanna speak to me anymore i fucked this up for sunhi she loves you so much and you’re her favorite person ever and i ruined it for her just bc i wanted to see if you felt the same way as i do

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[3:50 AM] Jeon Jungkook: i miss you y/n i really do

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“Daddy, lemme go!” Sunhi whines trying to escape from her father’s hands as he finishes applying the sunscreen on her arms, “Daddy!”.

He gives her a stern look and the toddler huffs, sticking her bottom lip out in an act of annoyance. The playground games are waiting for her and she feels like her dad is just coming between them and her.

“Alright,” he pats his big hands on her tiny arms, “you’re good to—“ Jungkook isn’t able to finish his sentence because his daughter’s already running towards one of the slides, “Sunhi, be careful!” He reminds her, but she’s too focused on the rides than on her dad’s warning.

Jungkook sighs and relaxes into the bench.

“She’s precious,” She comments with a small smile as her attention focuses on the little girl having the time of her life going down the slide, “I’m surprised she’s yours.”

Jungkook looks over at the woman beside him and scoffs, but he can’t help but agree. Sunhi is too good and too pure, the best thing he’s ever done in his life.

“Yeah, well, it’s all her.” Jungkook admits, eyes focusing back on Sunhi, “She’s really great.”

There’s an uncomfortable silence between them and Jungkook has to clear his throat to gain her attention.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t meet up at a café,” Jungkook apologizes and nods over at his daughter, “she’s been a little misbehaved lately, you said you wanted to talk to me and I figured that if I took Sunhi to a place like that she’d just—“

She interrupts his rambling, “Hey, it’s okay. I have no problem, really.” She assures him and he nods slightly, “I haven’t been in a place like this in a long time.”

Jungkook scratches the back of his neck and glances over at the woman who’s looking at him with an expression he can’t quite pinpoint. It makes him so nervous that he quickly shifts his gaze to the ground.

“This is so weird.” He admits with an awkward chuckle and she raises her eyebrow, “I mean—you hate me, Minji, so I don’t know what you want to talk about.”

“I don’t hate you!” Minji laughs and Jungkook finally looks at her and she falters, “Seriously! I only dislike you and that’s saying a lot.”

He supposes that’s a good thing, considering how aggressive Minji used to be towards him back in college. Always letting him know how much she despised his guts, how he didn’t deserve to have you as his friend and even once threw a drink at his face during a party; though you swore to him she was drunk and that she didn’t mean it.

Jungkook hadn’t seen her much since, only a few times if it was your birthday and they managed to cross paths, because the girl made sure she was never in the same room as him. The times it happened, he felt like she was throwing daggers at him through her eyes.

“It always bothered me how putty in your hands she was for you,” Minji begins, crossing her arms over her chest as she settles back into the bench, “and how oblivious you were about it.”

Jungkook looks back at her and there’s a small smile on her face, most likely looking over at his daughter.

“How when we got together for study sessions, she’d be tired because she was taking care of you the night before at one of those stupid frat parties you loved dragging her to.” Minji recalls and Jungkook feels like his mouth has gone dry from the memory.

She crosses one of her legs over the other, “Or that whole Jiwoo ordeal, how you had practically put Y/N aside once you managed to date the ‘campus hottie’.” She says with air quotes and Jungkook sighs, remembering the beginning of it all.

He knows that he can’t turn back time and change it all. Even if he could, he knows he wouldn’t. If there was no Jiwoo, there’d be no Sunhi.

An excited yell startles him as he looks over at his daughter, swinging up and down. “Look, daddy! I'm flying!” She calls and he smiles at her.

“Jesus, that’s fucking precious.” Minji mumbles, but he hears her nonetheless and nods in agreement. “Anyway, I’m not going to act like a saint here and pretend I was vouching for you, because I never did.”

Jungkook knows. Back then he didn’t understand why Minji was so adamant about trash talking him to you, considering how he and her barely knew each other. Actually, whatever knowledge they had of the other was through of you.

But Jungkook’s done a lot of self reflecting for the past month and a half and he’s realized why Minji disliked him so much. Or, dislikes. Either way, it’s valid.

“I just wanted her to snap out of it,” she confesses, “and realize that there is a life beyond you. That there’s more than being your best friend and your daughter’s babysitter. That she’s capable of moving on and putting you aside, because if you did that to her then why shouldn’t she?”

Jungkook hadn’t thought about any of that at all. He had realized he had been a shitty friend, but the idea of just how much definitely hadn’t settled on him. He wishes you knew how much he’s cared about you, but that there were too many overlapping lines for him to ever express it.

“I thought that after setting her up with Taehyung she had finally realized it,” she continues “but you know how she is, she rarely lets up and I knew she wasn’t going to let you go that easily.”

Jungkook draws in a long breath, rubbing his now clammy hands in his jeans as he looks back towards Minji.

“I mean, she couldn’t let her go that easily.” She jerks her head towards Sunhi, still sitting on the swings, though she’s slowed down now. “She loves that little girl so damn much.”

Jungkook’s sure of this. He recognizes the immense love you have for Sunhi, how sincere and unconditional it is. It’s the way a mother loves her child, though he never expected it to come from you instead. He’s not surprised though, because it’s the same love you gave to him. But it’s louder, there are no boundaries that you needed to respect to show Sunhi just how much you loved her, unlike with him.

It dawns on him that cutting him off must’ve been hard. You probably wanted to do it for way longer and only stayed because of Sunhi and Jungkook doesn’t want to think about the dilemma you must’ve went through to finally do it this time around.

He runs his hands through his hair, letting out a shaky breath, remembering that Sunhi doesn’t have you anymore. That’s the reason as to why she’s been so misbehaved lately, crying way too often, throwing tantrums over the smallest of things. Jungkook could blame it on the fact that she’s soon turning four and maybe it’s something that comes with age, it might just be a coincidence that she’s acting this way during a time you’re no longer present in her life.

This is the thing Sunhi might not be able to forgive him for.

“Minji,” he finally speaks up and the woman beside him focuses his gaze back on him, “I miss her so much.” He mumbles, not trusting himself to speak up because he might choke back a sob.

“Only now?”

“No!” He says this a little too harshly and Minji jumps slightly at the tone in his voice, “I’ve always missed her and I’m fucking idiot for realizing too late.”

She hums and Jungkook’s chest rises and falls with rapid breaths, “She’s my first thought when I wake up and when I finally manage to go to sleep. Sunhi constantly reminds me about her, asking me where she is and when can she see her and I have to force myself to lie.”

Jungkook doesn’t realize Minji’s hand is now awkwardly placed on his back, hesitantly tapping as if to give him some comfort. It’s weird to see him like this, she had convinced herself that the guy didn’t have any feelings when it came to you.

“She blocked my number, I can’t call her and all my texts have been left undelivered. I’ve driven by her apartment building too many times with the plan to go up and talk to her, but I always back out because I’m an idiot and I know she’ll hate me if I do that and I—“

“Jungkook.”

“I just want to know if she still cares, I don’t mind if she doesn’t feel the same way. But I want to know that Y/N still cares about Sunhi and me. Do you know? Does she? Could you please—“

Jungkook’s ramble is interrupted by the crying sounds of Sunhi, who’s now on the ground as she sobs and he quickly stands up to go straight towards her. He blinks away the tears that had formed in his eyes because there’s only room for one crying baby here.

“Pumpkin, what happened?” He asks in a soft voice, crouching down at her level and she’s pouting as she points at her bloody knee. “Did you fall down?” She nods and he sighs, picking her up as he takes her back to the bench where Minji waits with expectancy to check on the little girl.

Jungkook places Sunhi beside her and looks through his daughter’s bag for the emergency kit he carried around. He cleans the blood delicately with a gauze and alcohol, making the little girl wince and yelp out an ‘ouch!’ as she holds tightly to Minji’s thigh.

“It’s okay, Pumpkin.” He reassures her with a smile, making his daughter nod because she trusts her dad, “It was an accident and accidents are part of growing up, right?” She nods again and Minji figures this isn’t a first for her.

Once the blood has been cleaned, Jungkook places a cute rainbow patterned bandaid on the wound in her knee.

“There we go,” he announces and Sunhi lets out the breath she’d been holding, ‘‘all done! Are you good now?”

“Yes,” Sunhi weakly replies, “daddy, I wanna go home.”

Jungkook’s eyebrows raise in surprise, but the look on her face tells him that she’s probably still shaken by the accident and most likely wants to take a nap to forget about it.

He looks over at Minji with an apologetic look and she gives him half a smile, “Go, it’s alright.”

Jungkook nods and takes Sunhi in his arms, which she gladly accepts and settles her head in the crook of his neck. Minji’s ready to leave, figuring there was no point in staying any longer.

“Minji, wait!” He stops her before she goes, making her turn around and offer him a curious look, “Sunhi’s birthday is in a few weeks and,” Jungkook reaches for something inside his daughter’s bag, “she really wants Y/N to be there.” He whispers, taking out a party invitation to hand over to Minji.

She smirks, looking at the personalized invitation for his daughter’s fourth birthday, “Just Sunhi?” She asks and he lets out a breathless laugh.

“Me too.” Jungkook adds and a small smile appears on his face as he says it. “Uh—thank you for talking to me, I know it must’ve been hard.”

Minji swats her hand in the air, “It’s alright, just wanted to make sure how you and the kid were doing. It’s all she talks about anyway.”

A gasp escapes his lips and he holds on to his daughter tighter as she nuzzles her face farther in.

“I’ll give her the card, but—I can’t guarantee if she’ll go.” She warns and he nods, understanding.

Though he does not like the possible outcome, he settles down with the idea that you’ll notice how even though you both haven’t spoken towards each other in almost two months, he’s still thinking about you either way. Every day.

#jungkook angst #jungkook au #jungkook smut #jungkook scenario #jungkook fic #jungkook fluff #bts fanfic #bts smut #f: chasing pavements

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traumacatholic · 3 years ago

Note

Do you know of any tips or tricks for dealing with living with an abusive parent? It's ok if not. I am struggling with my mom's near-constant put-downs, gaslighting, unstated but strict expectations, tendency to lash out physically, and more. I can't move out rn because of money issues, and most of the resources I've found are for after you're in the situation. I pray my rosary a lot and turn to Mama Mary for a nurturing, healthy mother figure, and hole up in my room a lot? And yet--

I'm really sorry that you're having to deal with that. Do you have any commitments that allow you to be away from her for a long period of time? If not, I would suggest trying to limit contact with her as much as you can. I appreciate because of lockdown restrictions (if your area has any) might make this difficult - but something like going out for a walk to get a break from it for an hour or two might help, or going to a park to sit.

I would recommend looking into charities in your local area that deal with this kind of issue. If you contact them and explain your situation, they may be able to offer you better resources and advice for your situation. If you're able to, I would also recommend reaching out to your friends. Any time that you can get away is at least some time away from that hostile environment.

I know it's hard, but remember that your worth and value is not based off of what she says. It's tough, and I've been in that position too - although my mum overtime has definitely reduced the number of putdowns and so on. What's important is that you enjoy the things you do, and you get value and fun out of them. The skills and experiences you have aren't devalued just because she says they are.

I don't think there is a way to navigate that kind of environment with a particular trick. Controlling parents don't actually have a set list of rules. They're more than capable of changing them as it suits. This inconsistency is designed to wear you down. They might not even realise how inconsistent they are. Because they're feeling so attached to their feelings right now in that particular situation, that they don't even think about the rules they gave you another day. It's hard, but remember that these rules aren't created fairly. You can't safely navigate their rules all the time. It's about trying to unlearn the mindset that you're doing something wrong and failing to live up to their rules.

As for particular resource recommendations, some of this might be helpful. Some of these books may be targeted towards people that have left the situation but you might still find a lot of use from them:

https://www.quora.com/What-are-good-books-on-emotional-abusive-parents

https://medium.com/the-virago/11-books-for-healing-childhood-trauma-and-dealing-with-toxic-parents-8c8102f69152

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/ - I would encourage you to reach out to such a community. They again may be able to provide more helpful resources. And you can use this as a safe way to vent about your day.

https://bookriot.com/books-for-readers-with-toxic-parents/ - Retreating into fictional books can also be helpful, and while they might not offer direct advice, I do think just hearing stories about lives similar to yours can be helpful.

I'd also encourage anyone who has some advice or resource recommendations to respond.

I will be praying for you, I'm so very sorry you're having to deal with this. I hope you can get to a place of safety soon. God bless you.

#Actuallyabused #childhood trauma #Abusive parent #Abusive mother #tw abuse

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7wanderingpaws · 4 years ago

Text

He Loves Love (2/3)

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre: solo singer! AU

Word count: 7K

Warnings: slowburn, flirty Baek, ehm t-e-n-s-i-o-n

A/N: Finally the second part is here! I apologise if it took a bit longer, but darn, I just realised there is much more that needs to be told. I am so tired rn, I edited it but there still might be grammatical mistakes or typos, so I apologise in advance if it will interrupt your reading time :( I LOVED the feedback I received for the first part, so I really hope I didnt disappoint with this one. Please read the ending note! Enjoy! BTW: did you like the new album? I am having it on replay haha

Masterlist

1 <<<

You never thought you were a person deserving of a deep love or one capable of love. A weird sense of discomfort and impossible feeling overwhelming you was something you connected to that four-letter word. No matter how many times you had a crush (which was, unfortunately, rarely), the excitement wasn't enough for you to give you hope that you would be capable to love.

So when everything started with this famous singer, naturally you had doubts. You didn't want to get too much into detail about why you were feeling the way you were about relationships, but you definitely thought it is normal to think having a relationship with someone like him was ridiculous. He easily could have been playing with you. But you did not have relevant proof for this. Neither did you ever hear a single bad word about his reputation with women.

Just one date, he said. “I really want to take you on a date. A playdate?” he would raise his eyebrow, seducing you.

He didn't understand your point of view on the whole situation. But, what you did not know, was that he had figured you and your personality out, although you would let very little for him to read from your expressions. He admired how you maintained a professional attitude despite your racing pulse or your blown pupils. That, you could hardly control.

You sighed, looking at your reflection in the mirror. You couldn't stop your heart from beating so fast and so loud it was making you a bit dizzy… Let alone you couldn't eat a single thing the whole day because the idea that he was to pick you up at 11pm was making your insides so uneasy, needing to go to the bathroom every hour or, worse, making you almost vomit from the anticipation. He was so attractive, flirtatious, and you couldn't stop thinking about him ever since the shoot had finished. The second day of shooting was, when he asked you out. Very carefully, he formulated his question, but it was his voice, his deep eyes that told you just how much he meant it. And because you didn't have enough time, for he had to leave right after the shoot, you nodded in approval to which he rewarded you with the brightest smile, his eyes gorgeous half-moons, his cheeks puffed up just like he was smiling into the camera while he was being interviewed. Ever so carefully, he for your phone number, and when he saved it, he called you. Declining the call, you unlocked your phone to save his contact and that was when he muttered: “Please, don't lose your phone.”

“I won't save it under your name, that would be too obvious,” you replied quietly, feared of being overheard although you knew nobody would come to the storage room. Everyone was still cleaning up the set. But it was Baekhyun's team that was most probably looking for him by now.

He shook his head gently, making just a tiny step closer, suddenly his face not that far from your. “No,” he breathed, his eyes glinting, “but I will call you when I'm in front of yours. So don't lose it.”

You gave out a small chuckle, shaking your head at his cheesiness. “I cherish my phone, okay? Just like all the people these days. Don't worry, Baekhyun ssi.”

Pursing his lips, he said, before turning to leave: “Just Baekhyun, okay? For you, it's Baekhyun.”

And now, here you were. Waiting for - just Baekhyun - the singer.

You almost jumped out of your skin when your phone vibrated on the tiny table in your one-room apartment. Interesting how a usual vibration of a phone just meant a simple message or a phone call, usually not giving it any meaning. Now it gave you butterflies, another wave of nausea from all the anticipation and just pure bliss at the idea that he was the one giving you a call. Just like he promised, at exactly the time he said he would be there.

The entire time you were coming out of the basement (yes, your apartment was in a basement, having two small windows just under the ceiling) and out to the dark street was unreal. Those two minutes that it took you to leave your place and walk out felt like eternity because you were shaky and nervous from meeting him. There was also a possibility that after spending time with you tonight, you might never hear from him given that he might be disappointed in you, not quite what he thought you would be like.

You just hoped nobody would recognize his car or him…

Please, don't let anyone recognize him. Or they can recognize him and all, but please don't let them catch you with him, okay?

You quickly chided yourself for thinking such silly thoughts and just then you recognized his car. It was the only one with its motor on, quitely purring, the car just as black as the night, all shiny and so… just so Baekhyun. Which meant sexy. Could a car be sexy?

God.

You were going crazy.

Quickly making your way to the vehicle, you opened the door to the passenger seat and swiftly slid onto the leather seat, closing the door behind you with as much gentleness as you could, scared that it would probably just break.

You heard a gentle laugh from your left side and you finally turned to look at him, so mesmerized you couldn't stop the bewitched smile creeping onto your face as you took him in.

“I didn't pay so much money for this car for it to break if you close it roughly,” was what he said, but you could see his mind and gaze were quite unfocused as he let his eyes slide over your features that were ever so gently touched up with some make up. You were thankful he didn't eye you up hungrily like most men did, still a gentleman just like he was until then.

“Well, it ain't my car,” you replied, your smile widening. “And good evening to you.”

His elbow that was resting between you two was making his shoulder and chest so wide, but he was wearing a black, long-sleeved t-shirt so you couldn't make up much of him. Only the long silver chain hanging around his neck. “Good evening,” he muttered dreamily. After another heartbeat, he cleared his throat. “Ready to go?”

Finally looking ahead and out onto the street, you nodded. “No idea where to, but I trust you. So yeah, I am ready,” you said enthusiastically, not knowing where the positive energy was coming from, but it was welcomed. You looked at him again, to see his bright smile and a resolute nod before he turned to face the front, his right hand expertly putting the vehicle into drive.

The lights in the car were all red, including the seatbelt that was holding you together, because otherwise you might have fallen apart at how you were levitating in the air from the man driving next to you. And boy, did you need some reality check because this all seemed way out of your league for it to be true. So while Baekhyun was talking to you, asking you some questions to get to know you, your right hand slid to the outer side of your thigh and pinched it as hard as could, scared that you would suddenly wake up in your shitty one-room apartment and a bitter taste in your mouth at how real the dream was-

-except it wasn't a dream.

You were in his car.

And currently he was quietly laughing at something silly you replied, most probably not paying attention since you were too busy being scared of having such a vivid dream with him.

There was this whiff of his cologne, that was strangely soft and not quite masculine as you would have expected. It was clean, yet so enthralling it was the only sign you could connect it to you grounding yourself with the current moment.

“I hope you won't dislike my plan too much,” he said after he focused on the road for a minute since there was sudden traffic and he was changing lines. His eyes were checking the side mirrors, and you swallowed.

Biting your lip, you realised all the lip gloss has disappeared since you kept gnawing at it nonstop, too nervous to notice. “It is the company that counts, right?” you tried, but you just felt like everything you said might have earned you bad points.

He smiled, still looking at the road as he took a right, a huge hill next to you. Gazing out of the window, you held your breath.

“Wait,” you muttered, frowning. “Isn't this-”

“I live elsewhere-”

“UN Village?” your tone went almost an octave higher, not being able to tear your gaze away. After you passed the bridge to Hannam-dong, you recognized it immediately since there were so many embassies but you thought you would end up in Itaewon. But he was stopping right there. Turning to him, you gave him a squint. “What are we doing here?”

Since there were no more cars on the road as you were driving up he stole a glance at you. “Don't worry, we aren't going to any of the houses here.”

Your heart sped up again.

“As you know,” he tried, leading the car through streets full of expensive houses and mansions, and you wanted to hide from all the posh, luxurious buildings that seemed to be out of place in a cramped city like Seoul. “I can't just go anywhere I like, unfortunately.” Finally, he stopped the car in front of a house but on the other side of the road so that he wasn't blocking the entrance. “If you don't like it or feel uncomfortable, we can go elsewhere.” Now he turned in the driver's seat, facing you with a slight worry in his eyes. You might have not read him so well, but he honestly wanted to be on a calm place. With you. Alone. No disturbances.

You shook your head, scolding yourself internally for freaking out at him like that. Another bad point, you thought. “Not at all,” you replied, giving him an apologetic smile. “I don't think I've ever even been in the vicinity of this place, is all.”

“I guess I'm the first to bring you here then, eh?”

You chuckled. “Good guess.”

He stared at you for a tad longer than normally, which in your communication studies lecture definitely meant affectionate body language, but you tried not to pay too much attention. “Shall we?” he asked, motioning with his hand to the silent street.

Once outside, you realised his plan was very simple. Walking. Enjoying the bright moonlight above you that was almost in full moon. Oh, the city lights as well. The entire city of Seoul was lying in front of you.

“This is gorgeous,” you breathed out, stopping at some point to just stare and enjoy the pretty view. “I could stare at this the whole night.”

Feeling a presence right next to you, you turned to see his side profile that made you, once again, realise who the hell took you out on a date. Byun fucking Baekhyun. He brought you on your date, and it was walking in UN Village… Just walking in this posh place so that you wouldn't be disturbed. So that you wouldn't be caught.

The last thought right there gave you a powerful bang in your chest, and it only multiplied when the handsome man turned his head to look at you, his eyes soft as he smiled down at you. “I figured you aren't the type to like crowded places,” he said, breaking the comfortable silence.

You scoffed playfully. “Another good guess. Are you like a mind reader or something?”

Pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he laughed. “Could be? Sometimes you are quite an open book to me.”

“That sounds like we know each other for a long time, Baekhyun.” ssi, you added in your mind, the idea of being comfortable with him still foreign to you.

Few seconds passed by when he finally hummed. That hum that made wonders to you. “I kinda wish I did.”

Freezing for a brief moment, you dared to look at him with wide eyes. Biting your lip, you tried to come up with a reply quickly, but he faced you as well and stole your breath away. That pull, the attraction was suddenly ignited. “You can always amend that,” was what you managed to say. Inhaling deeply, you continued: “Is that why you… ehm, you gave in a word for my favour at the magazine?”

This time it was Baekhyun who froze, definitely not expecting you to know this information. It was supposed to be between him and you're editor-in-chief. “I-”

“What is your plan, Baekhyun?” you didn't let him speak. “Because…” you trailed off, suddenly your emotions on fire. “Because I want to be straightforward with you, as you know by now. You like me, I know that. But is this a game?”

“No!” his whole body turned to you, deep frown etched into his forehead. “I didn't know you could misinterpret me asking you out on a date as a form of, what, mockery?”

Inside, you knew he already explained himself to you, so that was why you beat yourself up for starting this subject again, but you couldn't help it. Your insecurities were skyrocketing and it didn't make sense for him to be interested in someone so lowly when he had all the glitter and shine within a reach of his hand. “I didn't say mockery,” you said. Opening your mouth to continue, he cut you off, stepping closer.

“What about you? Do you like me?”

You went silent, while your ragged breathing was answering him for you. Not breaking eye contact once, he nodded. “You know, I will need you to confirm with words.”

Starting to shake your head, scared that he caught you, you felt the need to explain, but you could only stutter: “It's not that- I mean I don't-ah! You are a famous personality,” you exclaimed, getting evidently defensive. “Why would you think I won't snap a picture of you and post it on SNS and just, I don't know, expose you?”

“You wouldn't.”

“What makes you so confident?” you dared him, your voice dropping in challenge.

“I trust you.”

“That should be a difficult phrase to say, coming from someone like you. A-list celebrity and artist.”

He kept looking at you, analysing you, but his stance was still confident and honest. “I could be just a normal man if you didn't look at my job.”

“Don't they usually talk about jobs on the first dates?”

He was quiet but he smiled, crossing his arms over his chest. “I feel honoured you finally consider this as an actual first date, miss.”

Scoffing, you looked away for a second but turned your gaze right back to him, him always being the magnet of your eyes. “You still didn't answer me, mister.”

A playful glint shone in his eye. “To which question again?”

You sighed but you were entertained and butterflies were fluttering in your lower tummy at the situation you found yourself in. “Why would you trust me... I honestly don't know.”

“You aren't ready for my answer, yet.”

At that, you frowned. “What does that mean?”

He shrugged, grinning pridefully. “Exactly what I said.”

“But-”

“You will have to come out for another date, or two-” he stopped abruptly, thinking for a second, his eyes up on the sky before dropping back to your eager orbs, “or three or four, to find out the answer.”

“Till then, I will have you alllllll exposed to the world,” you whispered darkly, widening your eyes at him.

That night, Baekhyun laughed the loudest.

Work, although your favourite thing, suddenly became a small dread and a difficult task to fulfill. Whatever transcriptions you had to do, meetings to attend, come up with ideas and make sure you were growing as an editor and future writer, you needed to speed up your game - or at least keep it up, since the feature with Baekhyun earned you quite the plus points with the editor-in-chief. It was only natural you did not want to disappoint her by any chance.

But you were very, very distracted.

This distraction was there nonstop. If not actively on your mind, then lurking in the back of it, always rudely intruding your train of thoughts about work, your line of work and basically everything that was involving anything in every minute of your waking hour.

Your hand would literally shake, your heart painfully jumping at any vibration of your phone and whenever his name was uttered at work (because you were still perfecting the interview and the pictorial for the release) you would quite literally jump in your chair, looking around frantically hoping to see… his face.

But you were only met with Hyeri's amused grin and a huge stack of papers that needed to be skimmed through. As much as you wished to be thankful for the amount of work that should have helped you get your mind off of him, it wasn't effective at all.

You were completely charmed, swayed and you didn't seem to know how to come back to planet Earth and stand with two solid feet on the ground. It wasn't like you were constantly in touch with him - so maybe that was why you were so restless, unfocused and just useless at whatever you did ever since the date in UN Village. Him being so busy just meant that he really was preparing hard for his comeback. And it also meant that he really didn't want to pressure you, for which you were thankful, and you just swooned more, because ugh, what a considerate gentleman.

So after couple of days of just swimming by at work, making sure all the absolutely necessary parts were thoroughly double-checked and handed in, you decided resolutely, that it was time to get yourself back on track. It wasn't okay for you to act this way because of some man. That was what he implied at the date, right? For you to look at him as just a man with a job…

Of course, when you entered office on a Wednesday with a hot cup of strong English tea in your hand at 8am (you needed to get in earlier to get some extra work done), your phone signalled a happy ding! letting you know you received a text message. No hour would be too early for your heart to react so frantically as you looked at the lit up screen to see the notification with the preview of his message before you unlocked your phone, excitement swallowing all your focused thoughts for the day.

Waiter: good morning!! ^^ i guess you are up already?ㅅ please have a good breakfast!! no caffeine on empty stomach!! i am already on the shoot, ㅠㅠ i hope you will make my long day a bit brighter with your reply hehehehe ><!! (8:02am)

A high-pitched giggle bubbled up in your stomach and out into the empty space of the office. You covered your mouth quickly as you read the lines over and over again, literally hearing his excited voice through the exclamation marks. Biting your lip, you sat down onto your office chair and stared just a bit longer before mulling if you should reply right away or wait a bit. It would look desperate if you replied right away, wouldn't it? But if you wouldn't reply right away, he might not have his phone with him anymore and you would have to wait a lot for his reply and also he was relying on you making his day brighte-

Another fit of giggles took over you as you realised that a message from you could make someone else's day much brighter. That someone else being Baekhyun. Who was waiting. Who was expecting a happy ding! of his own. Preferably from you.

Sighing like a love stricken teenage girl, you started typing before deleting. The cycle went on a few times before you finally resolved to just send the message.

Me: Good morning :) my day is much nicer now that heard from you :P I ate my breakfast but did you eat yours?? I bet you didnt… hope shoot is fun! (8:10am)

There. It should do for a whi-

Ding!

It wasn't even few seconds-

Waiter: shoot isnt fun without a certain editor being present…(8:10am)

Waiter: i had my breakfast!! but dieting only allows so much for now ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

Waiter: you leaving for work now? (8:11am)

Me: i'm sure the editor you have now is more professional lol

Me: i actually just arrived to work to get something done before others arrive

Waiter: huhuuu alone in the office?

Waiter: you work hard, just as i always knew you were

Waiter: dont overwork oki?

Waiter: and NO SHE IS NOT MORE PROFESSIONAL she doesnt even smile

Me: you overwork not me

Me: ok ok chill, people not smiling at me is my everyday life, welcome welcome ;)

Waiter: mmmmmm……...

Waiter: ill make up for all the unrequited smiles ^^

You put down your phone for a moment, needing a breather after his last message. No, no, do not by any chance get too attached yet, you chided yourself. But the pain in your cheeks from smiling too much was protesting, letting you feel the taste of the magic that was the man who was eager to talk to you at this hour of the day.

Thinking over what to reply next, another ding rushed in, following other excited ones.

Waiter: ive gotta run, they are calling me now

Waiter: if you feel like it, drop me a msg anytime hihi

Waiter: have a beautiful day

You quickly grabbed your phone, wanting him to see your message before he would face his busy day.

Me: thank you waiter. have a good day

Me: …

Me: I also wouldnt mind you dropping me a message :)

Gosh, you sucked. Texting was not your thing, you were bad at it and just… you felt like your messages were not conveying the real emotions that you were feeling, thinking. Meanwhile he was… wow. Pure passion.

Just before you could finally face the work you planned, you received an email from your editor-in-chief, which you immediately opened in case it would had to be dealt with right away. Only then you noticed it was an official email for your team.

Upcoming Music Awards attendee list, it read.

Your magazine was one of the few that would personally send out writers and photographers to bring its own insight into the various award shows. The magazine had even a special column just for the shows that were happening all over Asia, and your magazine was following its each step.

Quickly skimming through the introductory text she wrote, your eyes finally landed on the list of names of those who would have to attend the show, bringing some good insight into the show itself.

Excitement was burning in your veins as you spotted Hyeri's name and right after hers came yours.

Your name was there. You would go to the awards show. It would be your first time...

Another big step in your career!

Days went by, and you were starting to grow impatient about meeting him. It wasn't like you could do anything about it - he was constantly under supervision of his managers, since he was so packed with various schedules, photoshoots, probably even recordings for shows. You wouldn't know, and you definitely wouldn't be asking him about it. The reason was simple. As much as it must have been interesting to be nosy about his artist life, you were much more interested in him as a human.

As a man.

Weirdly enough for you, he kept in touch with you here and there, always reminding you to drink your water and eat good food. He would wake you up with morning texts and always manage to catch you just before pulling the curtains shut, ready for the bed. Was he a mind reader by any chance? You still wondered...

Just as you were thinking this, he was already making himself present by sending you a message.

Waiter: i was wondering where should i take you next?

Waiter: because it is definitely time for the NEXT

Your heartbeat instantly sped up, hands trembling as you opened his messages. But before he could bombard you more, you already had something in your mind. It was something you thought right after your first date, since you knew the place well you could ensure he wouldn't be caught there.

Me: I have an idea ;)

Waiter: but i am the one calling you ouuuuuuut so I should decide…..

Me: i thought you wanted to make me feel comfortable?

Waiter: yes. that, is true

Me: there might be a slight issue though…

As soon as you saw the read sign next to your message, your phone was ringing, his nickname flashing happily. Hastily, you picked it up, not ready to hear him like this.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” he breathed softly, a smile painting his voice. “So… What is this slight issue that would prevent me from seeing you?”

Not trying to give too much attention to your frantic heart at his choice of words, you replied calmly: “Well, you know Asan, right?” He hummed in acknowledgement, sending electric shocks down your spine. “There is this gorgeous place that literally looks like Santorini in Greece.”

He was silent for a moment before responding: “Santorini in Greece?” he asked, slight doubt in his voice. He called your name strictly, but you knew he was being playful with you. “Are you making fun of me?”

You giggled, slapping your hand on your mouth to shut out the shriek you let out. “No! I promise you I know the place very well. And at night there is barely a living soul.”

“Now you have my attention,” he laughed quietly, the sound of it somehow intimate. “So the best time is to go in the night, you say?”

“Yeah. We want you to stay unnoticed, don't we?”

“Yeah,” he sighed, obviously not happy he was making meet ups more difficult because of his status. “Would 10 or 11 be safe you think?”

“Definitely,” you answered, smiling brightly.

“Perfect! Then how about tonight?”

“Tonight?”

“Tonight.”

“Yes, tonight,” you confirmed, closing your eyes.

Knowing the way this Korean Santorini was, you dressed in an elegant baby pink dress, the long wavy skirt coming to your knees, the upper part gorgeously hugging all the right places. You rarely wore this dress, not needing anyone's attention on your chest, but tonight, although very shyly, you wanted to finally shine for someone.

What was this weird feeling pooling in your stomach? You felt it before as well, but this time knowing how he really wanted to meet you and spend time with you, this feeling increased and left you in a pleasurable pain that you didn't dare to think too much into. Being ashamed about your mind and your body's reaction to him, you wanted to pretend he wasn't affecting you.

But it was a concrete fact by now.

You both shared a rather strong chemistry and if it weren't for Baekhyun acting up on his feelings, you would never be in this situation.

Checking the clock, you hurriedly checked yourself once more in the mirror before grabbing your white sweater and heading out.

Just like on the first date, his car was the only car alive on the parking lot at this hour. Quickly making your way towards it, you slipped inside swiftly, closed the door and faced him with a bright grin.

A tired pair of eyes was what welcomed you, but his genuine smile still met them.

“Hey,” you breathed, your eyes running over his features.

“Hi,” his smile widened. Just like the first time, he didn't let his eyes drop down to check you out, but this time you realised you were not that happy with it. This time, you wanted him to check you out. And he better have made it obvious to you.

“You look tired,” you commented, concern flashing over your face.

“Oh, no, I'm good! It was a long day, but now that you are finally sitting here I feel much more energised,” he tried, not looking your way as he reached for the GPS, handing it to you before pulling the seat belt over him again. “Type in the address and we shall head down to Asan.”

Your mind was racing with possible options on how to resolve this situation.

Of course, the best would have been to immediately send him home to have the rest he was obviously so deprived of.

But who were you kidding.

You were selfish and sending him away from you was the last thing on your mind.

So the second option was something you were dreading, but what wouldn't you do?

“I think we should just erm, take a taxi or something, and leave your car here. I don't think you should drive like this. It isn't that far, but at this hour in this state it will be difficult.”

He glanced at you briefly, and you saw the wheels turning in his head as he was also brainstorming options. Then he looked at you, calling your name. “Do you have a driving license?”

“Excuse me?”

“Can you drive a car?” he repeated patiently, glint of amusement at your shocked face.

“I can, yes,” you replied, hesitant. This didn't sound good.

“Let's switch then,” he decided, already unbuckling his belt. “You can drive us there, right?”

“What?” you whisper-shouted. “But I can't drive your car! What if I crash it? I wouldn't be able to pay the damage in the next ten years!” you exclaimed, flashes of the possible unfortunate event vivid in your mind.

He chuckled at your outburst before reaching his hand out to mess with your nicely combed hair as he rested his head back on the headrest, giving you an affectionate look. “I trust you, remember? I don't have a problem with you driving my car.”

“But-”

“We can go elsewhere-”

“Okay, let's switch.”

He laughed loudly, the sound giving you an incredible sense of satisfaction. It was you who made him laugh, brightened his features. It was you who was glistening in the reflection of his eyes.

But he didn't move, not yet. His eyes were trained on you, his head still leaned back on the headrest. “I don't want to give you stress,” sweetheart. He bit his lip.

You shook your head, suddenly determined. “Not at all, Baekhyun.”

His eyes turned into gorgeous half-moons, loving the hue of pink and red kissing your puffed up cheeks from the flush that he was obviously causing you. Slowly, he was getting more and more assured about the effect he had on you, and he wouldn't lie if he said he was starting to like it quite too much given how shy and innocent and cutely professional you were trying to be with him.

“Eerm,” you let out, baffled by his intense stare. But he was still not moving, so you decided to reciprocate the intense stare, the purring of the motor a completely closed out noise by now. If elephants would start falling from the sky, you both would have been oblivious. “Should we… change?” you asked quietly, as you also rested your head on the headrest, your left cheek touching the soft leather of his car.

He also adjusted his face to have a better look at you. “Are you sure you will be alright?” he mimicked your silent voice, but to you it seemed loud in the quiet space.

Not answering right away, you let yourself enjoy his eyes on you, just as you wanted him to. What you couldn't imagine before though, was the softness of his demeanor, tenderness and something- affection? How could you know? You still had to explore him, his facial expressions, his ways of telling you how he was feeling...Licking your lips at the thought, you closed your eyes briefly before opening them. His lips, although ever-so-slightly, lifted. “Yes. You will be right here, guiding me right?”

“Of course! I will be the captain,” he said as he lifted his head from the rest as he leaned in, utterly unable to keep any distance between you two any longer, “and you will be the ship.”

Successfully, you made it to the highway that was leading you outside of Seoul. Not daring to be close to the speed limit, you still drove the car in an acceptable manner, not even daring to blink in case some idiot of a driver would jump in front of you which would lead you crashing Baekhyun's car.

You heard a soft laugh from your right before you saw a hand in your line of vision. It landed on your right one, leaving it there briefly, but still long enough to give you a complete heart-attack. “Relax,” he said, entertained. “The steering wheel didn't do you no wrong. Your knuckles are literally white.”

Knowing yourself all to well, you were about to spill some nasty swear words, because you couldn't drive and do conversation, let alone being touched by fucking Byun Baekhyun. “Okay, okay, I am relaxing just don't-” you stopped abruptly as he retrieved his hand and gave you a quizzical look, “ehm, just, rest, would you? We have a date to attend to after the arrival.”

It was silent for literally one second before he bursted out into a huge fit of laughter, making him wheeze. “God, you're so cute. I didn't know you were this blunt while driving!”

Biting your lip, you felt your face heat up from the points he made about you. “Please,” you sighed, “just don't pay attention to me.”

“Now I kind of want to annoy you, though,” he replied, coughing his laugh away as a mischievous grin was overtaking his features. “Who knows what might I get out of you by the end of this ride?” his flirty tone was taking lead.

“Baekhyun,” you warned, not giving a damn about keeping your image clean and kind.

“Yes?” he asked, his voice like honey. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

Scoffing, but smiling anyway, you looked at the side mirror, about to switch lanes, turning to the direction of Cheonan, Asan. “Am I going in the right way?”

With that he immediately checked, but you knew you were going to the right one, based on the signs that he didn't seem to pay attention to. He checked the GPS that was lying in his lap, before he looked on the road. “You are. Keep going straight.”

Even though you couldn't see him, your peripheral vision was on spot. His seat was pushed more backwards, as yours was pushed towards the steering wheel, since his legs were longer than yours. He was sitting comfortably, his right hand gripping the holder above the window as he was looking ahead on the road, occasionally letting his gaze rest on your side profile before looking back, scared you would catch him staring.

It was silent for a bit, but you didn't want to break it, hoping he would get a peace of mind, and just rest up.

Then you heard it. A tired sigh as you sensed he leaned back on the seat even more. “How was your day? I hope I wasn't too pushy with my request to meet tonight.”

“Not at all,” you breathed, “I was glad you asked.”

Baekhyun smiled to himself as he finally let his eyes close for a moment, enjoying your company and the fact that you were driving his car. So cute as you solely focused on the road, but one of his touches and you were on fire. He licked his lips. “I would have asked way earlier,” he started, making a slight pause, hoping his words wouldn't scare you away, “but I really didn't want to push you.”

Silently, you were dying to hear more of what he had to say, you heart causing you slight problems with focusing on the highway that was, thankfully, almost empty, except buses and trucks.

“Heck, I would have called you out as soon as I brought you home last time.”

To this, you giggled, feeling like on cloud 9 from his confession.

“You're laughing at me?” he cracked one eye open, once again unable to stop himself as he poked the side of your right thigh.

You giggled more before almost losing balance with the car.

He stopped, seeing your face. “Oh, sorry, sorry.”

No, don't be, you thought, now completely on fire. Touch me more.

Just as you told him, Santorini, or also called Blue Crystal Village, was silent, the small streets full of white, traditional Greek houses making you smile right away. If you tried just a little bit, you could easily believe you were actually in Santorini, if only there wouldn't be signs in hangul everywhere.

Finally standing on your shaky legs, you heard Baekhyun lock the car and joining you in front so you could start walking. It was a very, very foreign urge, but once he was next to you, you had the need to take his hand. However, you knew you were nowhere near close to that stage. You still couldn't easily let him slip between your fingers.

“Wow, this place is literally Greece,” he laughed quietly as he looked at your reaction before motioning with his head to start walking.

He had a cap now securely on his head, which was good for a coverup, but you hated the shadow it was throwing on his eyes.

“This used to be my favourite place once,” you told him, “very, very good getaway when you want some quiet time.” You walked in the streets, the fairy lights connected from one house to the other, some displaying hearts, others just big light bulbs. The streets were all lit up prettily, just as you remembered. “In fact, I used to come here whenever something was bothering me.”

“Really? Want to share something more?” he urged, playfully pushing you with his elbow.

And so you talked about your university studies, and various memories that were tied to the streets you were currently walking on. He was such a great listener, although you preferred him when he was speaking. Simply, because you loved his voice, the expressions he made, his body language.

And he was able to show it all to you through that one hour and half that you wandered around, took pictures with the fairly lights and the houses, and eventually sat down at a little convenience store that had a small table and plastic chairs outside. Baekhyun insisted on buying you both a drink - lemonade. You couldn't help but smile fondly at this gesture.

“I don't really like drinking alcohol,” he explained as he sat down opposite you.

Just like that, you got to know him better. You got to realise how deep and serious he could be, a complete opposite of the playful puppy he was on set. Of course, he would always make sure to be flirty, and the electric shocks you got whenever your hands would accidentally touch while walking, would be too painful, borderline unbearable.

It escalated completely when both of you stopped in front of the car. You were ready to drive back, still worried he would be tired.

As he unlocked the car and you opened the door, he suddenly pushed it back, letting it close. You turned, only to be surprised at the proximity of his body.

“Sorry,” he let out a breathy chuckle, “Just… I don't think I can get out of the car and give you a proper bye once we arrive at yours.”

What did he mean by this proper bye?

Your heart fell at the realisation.

Would this be the time where he would tell you he wouldn't be seeing you again?

Before the panic could take over, he continued: “I really enjoyed my time with you tonight. Also, I will be driving back!” he exclaimed with a wide smile.

Confused, you nodded and gave a small smile, ready to turn when he held you by your wrist and gently brought you to him. The action caused your breath to hitch, legs getting shaky at his warm touch. “I just,” he started again, but he shook his head once before lifting his left hand and held your cheek gently. This was the moment where you could have sworn you would go down on your knees. “You're so beautiful,” he murmured, looking at your lips. And he was leaning in. His breath fanning your right cheek. His wet lips touching your skin, giving you a sweet kiss. You closed your eyes, heaving out a shaky breath. “I like you. Even more now,” he whispered. Slowly pulling away, but not too far, he whispered as he let his hand that was still on your cheek slide towards your hairline, his thumb caressing your skin. “Could you now tell me using your words?”

“Wha-”

“Do you like me?” he murmured, his eyes gently smiling at you before his gaze dropped again on your now parted lips. “I need you to confirm it. Out loud.”

Now or never. You might have been already falling too hard, when you spoke: “I like you.”

He leaned in, giving you hopes of receiving your first kiss. But he merely gave a lingering kiss to your other cheek. Baekhyun let his lips hover over your flushed skin as he made his way to your lips, once again lingering there for a brief second, giving you false, painful hopes, before he brought them up to your forehead and finally, pressed them there. “Awesome.”

---

There. Will. Be. A. Next. Part. (final)

Cause its just too much what I have in mind! I hope I didnt disappoint. Please, let me know what you thought! I love to hear any feedback! 😇

Btw can you guess why is his nickname "waiter"? ^^

#baekhyun fanfiction #baekhyun fic #Baekhyun fluff #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun imagine #exo fic #Exo scenario #exo imagine #exo fanfiction #baekhyun ff #baekhyun au #my writings

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