#but god forbid if i become a mom like her
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Oh you know im messing with Nicole again, this is my final product kinda
so i was gonna try and work on my SATAM design but i absolutely love her design so much to change from the ground up so i started messing with my favorite design of her
i never read the reboot about how she looked like some old lynx guys daughter who passed away if you making some kind of relation between my design and dr eldly? i think that was his name, i remember it but i never truly read the reboot, i just wanted her to be blue cause Sally's rings are blue but i llike the creepy story of she used to be a kid until Eggman turned her into an AI Satam story that's peak, so i made my own little bby Nicole and swaped her colors around cause i thought that looked cool, this was my direct redesign but i wasn't happy with it so i started looking up conquering storm bc shes like the only other female lynx and shes pretty
While doing that i remembered my friend has a design she made of storm so i was like "GOD FORBID A SAME SPCIES EXIST THEY COULD BE SISTERS ACTUALLY??"
and this ties in with my press garden thing with Espio - so like, i guess they visit Knothole and Nicole bc's friends with Sally and then the Eggman around at the time tricks her into being turned into an AI and now they don't know what happen to Storm's sister and the head of Storm's clan her dad or mom or whoever is mad and they wanna make war with Knothole bc they lost the clan leaders daughter somehow (this doesn't happen the first time they visit it happens after they become friends)
Nicole probably doesn't retain the memories of her sister or her clan or family which makes things bad but she'll unlock it somehow when i think about the story more
i need to make a IDW and Forces version of Nicole to match Sally then i'll move on to the freedom fighters cause i have ideas for putting hedgehog village from Sonic boom somewhere and i wanna talk about it
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listen i love my mom's professional side. she is so fucking cool.
#like#she is on first name basis with the big name environmentalists in india#is considered one of the best professors in her field IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY#HAS PUBLISHED SO MANY INTERNATIONAL ARTICLES.#I WANNA BE LIKE HER FROM A PROFESSIONAL SENSE#but god forbid if i become a mom like her
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Watched Queen Charlotte. Sad about the ending :'<
#It was bittersweet.#But what an intriguing world#I actually was curious about getting to know more; the internal politics; the potential of making even more social commentary#How the world would fare in this fictional universe with such a change#And all the years between her marriage and the present. What led her to be such a distant mom? Why did she become so interested in lineage?#How did she maintain her relationship through all those years? But also - how was her friendship with Lady Danbury? What became of her?#How did her future look like after the sudden loss and freedom and difficulty in claiming her position? Did she always succeed?#Did she have to fight for it? What did she do with her life after her claims were secured?#Did she ever get happiness in another area of life? Was she left wanting or in the end content?#I wanted to see the middle of that journey as well#But also - and the reason I post it on this blog - that Lord she got to know was a very interesting choice of a man 👀#I doth Declare though that they should have been as thorough with their one (1) lovemaking scene as the Queen's!!!!!#But WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE THAT WAY#Ugh WHY GIVE HER HOPE AND APPROACH HER AND SHOW HER AFFECTION AND GIVE HER FULFILLMENT ONLY TO ABANDON HER#MEN. LITERALLY THE ONLY EXPLANATION#I did get to see a very real depiction of how it would go for me though if I ever (God forbid)#Tried to enact on any infidelity with my crushes sndhfndh#THANKS FOR THE REALITY CHECK I GUESS. STILL THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE JUSTIFIED AS A NARRATIVE OF FICTION#A SCENE OF INTENSE ROMANCE#Thank you for the tiniest glimpse on the age gap relationship though it will serve as fuel for myself
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not me wanting a relationship just so i can have a diff place to sleep every now n then
#@my upstairs neighbours. literally ihope you die. specifically that you die up THERE and no one figures that out fr like three days#so that the whole place becomes a biohazard and the landlord needs to fully replace the shitty ass floors SO no one lives there fr a year <#oh and then obv when it IS open fr new renters any time an interested party comes fr a viewing you haunt them <3#im also gonna bite the realtor who got me my apartment. yeah its so quiet. upstairs? oh theres an older lady w her dog <3#when she said older she meant 5-10 yrs older than you and when she said dog she meant two dogs a boyfriend and an 11 yr old boy#who trudges around somehow even louder than his massive unit of a dad who comes to babysit weekly. i rip them apart w my teeth#not my humble request of ''if at least the zone above my bedroom could quiet down by 10 so that i can sleep'' now biting me in the ass#bc the dad was GENUINELY baffled i came knocking abt the kids yelling and banging on the floor. when it was only 9.30. DEATH. to all of the#i think if i were to start screaming i wouldnt stop. today after work im going back to my moms house to sleep there and am so excited abt i#literally hot millionaire fully in love w me when. i need to sell art to his friends 3x a year and spend the rest of my time globally vibin#oh yeah obviousy im NICE to them tho. like this is the situation WITHOUT them having a motivation to make my life hell#god forbid i complain too often. apparently the prev tenant of my aptmt complained to them daily. im starting to understand why :))))))
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And on top of everything else, my OTHER wisdom tooth (top left) is trying to emerge. Why this. Why now.
#man it hurts so bad up there. it feels like there’s a gash all down the top part of my gum#but i can feel the tooth underneath so i know it’s from that#should’ve fucking known that my wisdom teeth would 1) become a problem and 2) not even be normal about it#and what really sends me is that i have DIAGONAL WISDOM TEETH. bottom right and top left#so if i had surgery to extract them (god forbid) my whole mouth would hurt. it wouldn’t just be the top or the bottom or one side#for whyyyyyyyy#i feel like as with most of the bad things my body does; this is probably my dad’s fault#it’s his fault i’m 6’1 with all the back pain but none of the attitude or athletic ability people expect tall people to have#it’s his fault my hair is thick and unruly. it’s his fault i have hypermobile knee joints. i’m certain he’s responsible for the wisdom teeth#especially since my mom doesn’t have any. how fucked up is that#i do think she was responsible for my allergies though considering she’s allergic to everything under the sun#she also passed on her clumsiness. as if i needed that#did i get any good traits? i mean somehow neither of them gave me their bad eyesight which is a W#i also got clear skin from somebody. def not my mom though. probable unknown ancestor#tl;dr if my wisdom teeth would fuck off i would be so much happier#personal
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The tragedy of Katara’s parentification
Sokka and Katara were both parentified, and it’s a profoundly life-changing thing for both of them. One of the saddest things in ATLA, though, is how Sokka sort of got to outgrow parentification, but Katara never did.
Sokka’s told to be the man. The provider, the protector. He’s not so good at the former (his hunting failures are a consistent source of comic relief), and he takes failures of the latter very, very hard. He doesn’t manage to save Yue, and that wrecks him. After Yue, he becomes extremely protective of Suki in a way that’s borderline offensive to her. He’s willing to do anything to protect his friends and his family, including something as irresponsible as breaking into the Boiling Rock. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Sokka is the only one of the Gaang who unambiguously kills. The rest of them may technically have clean hands because of cartoon logic, but Combustion Man is very dead, and Sokka is the one who killed him. We don’t know how he feels about it, because the show never goes there, but I have a pet theory that Sokka is so uncharacteristically (remember he was team “leave Zuko to freeze to death”) against Katara confronting Yon Rha in The Southern Raiders because he’s the only who knows what killing feels like and wants to protect Katara from it.
But by the end of the show, Sokka’s in a place where he can start to let go of his need to protect. Objectively, all his friends are unbelievably powerful and can take care of themselves, including his sister and his girlfriend. Suki is the one who saves him in the final battle, representing not only a reversal of his initial cartoonish misogyny, but also demonstrating that he is worthy of protection. And of course, he and his friends saved the world, so there isn’t really an enemy that he has to protect them from anymore. Sokka’s loved ones create the conditions under which his parentified behaviour is no longer necessary. Sokka would still have to take the first step to stop seeing himself as the one who has to lay his life on the line, but at least it’s possible for him.
But not Katara.
Katara had to take on the mom role after their mother was murdered, which meant she was responsible for domestic labour and emotional support. Sokka says in The Runaway that her role was to keep the family together. Unlike protection, that’s always a full time job regardless of the war. We see Katara spending more screen time than anybody cooking, getting food, mending, and generally doing women’s work. We see Katara giving everyone emotional support, including strangers and her enemy. We see Katara putting aside her own discomfort and her own hurt in The Desert because if she falls apart, they all die. Nobody ever showed her that she doesn’t need to be the only one who cooks, or that somebody else can be responsible for the emotional wellbeing of her friends, or that — god forbid — someone else can actually be responsible for her emotional wellbeing.
That’s why I never cared for the Ka/taang argument of “he teaches her to be a kid again!” Putting aside the fact that Katara ends up taking care of Aang a lot more as the series goes on, the whole tragedy of parentification is that you can never again be a child. That part of your childhood, your god-given right, is robbed from you. It is extremely precious and important to still be able to be a kid, but breaking free of parentification is not about seeing yourself as a kid. It’s about breaking free of being responsible for everyone’s feelings and behaviours.
For Katara, that responsibility is not problem of perception, but of reality. Unlike Sokka, who was told and shown that his loved ones are capable of protecting themselves, Katara has zero reason to believe that her loved ones are able to feed and clothe themselves and not fall apart emotionally. Between Toph and Sokka who emphatically don’t want to do this work, it all falls on Katara. Telling a parentified child that they just need to loosen up is akin to telling an overworked mother that she needs to just relax (“happy Mother’s Day! You get a break from chores, which you will catch up on tomorrow because nobody else is doing them”). It doesn’t accomplish anything if nobody creates the circumstances under which it’s possible to let go of responsibilities. A lot of Zutara fans, spanning all the way back to the early days of the fandom, like the “Momtara and Dadko” trope where Zuko also does chores. Why? Because even without the concept and language of parentification, many fans recognized that Katara’s performance of domestic and emotional labour is inequitable and probably very taxing.
Growing out of parentification is about more than just letting go of old expectations: it’s also about finding a new way to value yourself beyond the role you grew up with. I’ve said this before, but it’s very important to acknowledge that just because a kid is parentified doesn’t mean they’re actually good at being a parent. In fact, it’s probably a given that they’re not, because they’re kids performing roles that are developmentally inappropriate! Sokka remains a shit hunter; he becomes a decent fighter but he’s still miles behind his friends. A big part of healing from his parentification is finding another area — strategy, engineering, project management (what else do you call that schedule) — where he actually excels, to which he can dedicate his time and from which he can derive satisfaction and a sense of identity. For Katara, fighting for the oppressed and combat waterbending give her that. Crucially, however, Katara does not stop being a girl when she becomes a warrior. She’s still responsible for domestic and emotional labour. Unlike Sokka, whose protector duties were more or less relieved as the series went on and he found new ways to contribute to the group, Katara continued to perform her old role in addition to her new one (which is depressingly realistic btw, look up feminist theory around the concept of the second shift). Still, it’s important that she found these new ways to value herself and her contributions…
…which disappear in her adult life. Where’s adult Katara fighting for the oppressed? Where’s adult Katara enjoying her status as a master waterbender? Where’s Mighty Katara? Where’s the Painted Lady? Where’s the person who vanquished a whole Fire Lord?
What do we know about adult Katara? She’s no longer a rabblerouser or an ecoterrorist. She did not translate her desire to help the downtrodden into a political role, like being Chief or on the United Republic Council. She’s not known as the best waterbender in the world, only the best healer, even though her combat abilities are what she took the most pride in. Even as a healer, she established no hospitals, trained no widespread acolytes (except Korra, I guess?), and made no known contributions to the field.
What Katara is known for…is being a wife and a mother. The same role she was forced to take on at age 8. One which she performed for the next 80+ years.
#Self-proclaimed feminists who don’t see Katara’s trajectory as a tragedy…I want to know what you’re on because I’d like to use it to cope#Katara deserved better#anti kataang#as always my anti kataang posts are more#anti Bryke#very mild#zutara#pro Katara#pro Sokka#water sibs#They just give me so many feels#my meta#Katara parentification discourse
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Steve can see it in Max. That same loneliness and ache that he finds in himself. For him, it’s result of his parents leaving with no intent to return to him unless absolutely necessary.
He knows he was an accident. Or rather a mistake as his father used to call him when he was particularly angry. But it made sense to him. Steve's the reason his father had to marry his mother. He left him "trapped." And maybe no one says it out loud, but he can tell his mother feels the same way too.
But they must keep up appearances, right?
Which is what Max has been trying to do since Billy died, El moved away, and it's been just her and her mom. But she's been going about it through a different route - pushing people away all while pretending things are fine. But Steve sees the way she picks up the broken pieces of her mom and tries to put them back together - Steve's had to do the same thing before.
So, he starts sticking around a little longer. Offering her more rides to the arcade and around town to pick up groceries when she needs to. Sometimes he'll tell her about a new recipe he's been trying for a casserole and pick up the ingredients, pretending like the milk and butter he bought will spoil by the time he drives home from her trailer.
Of course, they both know it's a lie, but Max humors him and plays along. She'll let him cook dinner while she picks up the bottles her mom left on the floor, dumps out the overflowing ashtray, and feeds the dog. Usually, Steve will ask her what she's learning in school and linger a little longer than usual in hopes that she'll say more than the usual, "I don't know. A bunch of boring stuff."
But lingering has gotten a lot of things out of Max such as her love for Kate Bush, a story about El and how much she misses her, and short quips about Lucas before she gets a sad smile on her face. Steve doesn't really know what to say most of the time, but he hopes that just being there will help.
Unfortunately, lingering and just being there has led him to his current predicament of none other than Eddie "The Freak" Munson sitting on the hood of his car glaring at him as he walks out of Max's place. Steve jumps a little, startled by the figure on his car and becoming more hostile as he sees the expression on his face. He shoves his hands in his pockets and slows his pace. "Is there a problem?"
Eddie snorts humorlessly. "Christ. You're really going to pretend like there's nothing wrong with what's happening?"
Steve's brows furrow, entirely missing whatever point he's trying to make.
Eddie stands up and stalks toward him. "I see you, you know. Always lurking around when her mom isn't home. Coming out of her trailer late at night."
Steve laughs, finally understanding the absurd conclusion he's come to. "Jesus, man. You're delusional."
Steve doesn't expect it, but Eddie sharply shoves his chest and grits, "I don't fucking lie to me, Harrington."
Steve holds his hands up. "I'm not," he firmly states. "Nothing like that is happening here. I'm glad you're looking out for her, but it isn't like that."
"Do you expect me to believe that? Maybe this is why you're always hanging around Henderson and the other kids."
Steve crosses his arms and his jaw tenses. "I'm not a fucking pervert or a pedophile if that's what you're trying to say. I'm just looking after them."
"Why?" Eddie asks, dramatically opening his arms, "Why would King Steve adopt a group of misfits to take under his wing? See, the math isn't adding up."
Usually, Steve would just brush it off and tell the person to fuck off and mind their own business. But his parents have just left town again without leaving a note and Max had snapped when Steve tried to help her clean the place because it looked worse than usual, and he was just generally feeling like shit and angry at his parents and Max's parents for not being there. So he broke, "Because I don't want Max to end up like me! I don't want any of those kids to grow up without a role model. And god forbid if any of those other kids' parents fuck up, and they’re left with only me. I need them to know that I'm there for them! Because sometimes it feels like whenever the world goes to shit, I'm the only one who is there, and I plan to stay there, okay?!"
He finishes his rant breathing a little heavier than usual and noticing that a few of the lights in the trailers have turned on around them. He looks around and awkwardly nods to the people glaring out their windows. God, he needs to get a grip.
When he turns back to Eddie, he notices the conflicted expression, jaw dropped, eyebrows knitted together, eyes searching him as if he's still wondering if he's lying.
A door creaks open behind them and Steve curses under his breath as he hears Max say, "Eddie, leave him alone. Do you really think I would hook up with my damn babysitter? Jeez."
"Language," Steve quietly lectures as the door swings shut. He runs his hands over his face and takes a deep breath. It's been a long fucking day.
A hand lands on his arm and tugs him away from Max's trailer. Steve glances up at Eddie, leading him across the way. "Where are we going?"
"My place," Eddie says.
"Why?"
"So we can talk."
God, the last thing he wants to do is talk to Eddie of all people, the guy he's been actively avoiding since Dustin started worshipping the ground - or rather tables - he walks on. But he lets himself be pulled away in the trailer and practically deposited on the couch in the living room.
He glances up and comments, "That's a lot of mugs."
"My uncle's, but that's not what I wanted to... Christ," Eddie says, pacing in front of Steve and tugging his hair in front of his face. The anxious display makes Steve feel even more tired, but he lets him pace. God, what is he even doing here?
"I'm sorry," Eddie blurts out. "I'm just..." he trails off and rushes over to grab a stool a few feet away before dragging it in front of the couch. He sits on it but his leg still holds that nervous energy as it rapidly bounces up and down. "I jumped to conclusions, and it was really shitty of me, man. I just... didn't believe what Henderson was saying about you and thought 'Oh, this makes way more sense than Steve Harrington being a good dude.' And I'm sorry to accuse you of that. And I... I didn't know about your... parents and stuff. Like I knew they were away a lot because of your parties but... I just never connected the dots. And I'm sorry. No one deserves that shit, man."
Steve doesn't know what to do this whole interaction, especially with it coming from Eddie Munson who he doesn't think he's ever talked to before this moment, but... he needs to hear it. God, he needs to hear it.
Of course, he can't let him know this, so he does what he's best at and brushes it off. "It's fine. You were just looking out for the kids. And really just ignore what I said back there, it isn't that big of a deal."
Eddie worries his bottom lip before he blurts out, "I know what it's like." He pauses and takes a deep breath. "I mean, I know what it's like to have... absent parents. But in my case, eventually, my uncle Wayne took me in, and I can only imagine if he didn't." He gives him a pointed look and lowers his voice, "Do you have someone like that?"
A big part of Steve wants to leave right now, and he knows there's nothing stopping him. But a bigger part of him needs to stay. Needs to talk about the emptiness in his house that he can never truly escape at the end of the day that he can’t talk to anyone about. Because he's not supposed to be weak. He's supposed to take care of the others. So he admits, "No, I don't have... anyone like that. Except Robin but..."
"That's different," Eddie finishes the thought for him.
Steve nods. He loves Robin, but he loves her as a platonic soulmate and not as a parent figure in his life. "You know, I once had this basketball coach in middle school - Mr. Weston. And I remember looking up to him so much. I wanted to be just like him, and I would go to his office during lunch and ask him for advice or talk about dumb shit that my father would never talk about. But he never shamed me for my questions. And sometimes he even packed an extra dessert for me." Steve smiles at the memories and runs a hand through his hair, remembering the day he got the news. "But one time, when I went to his office, he had this look on his face. And I just knew it was bad news. And really, it wasn't bad news to him because his wife was pregnant. But she wanted to move a few states away to raise the kid closer to her family. And it wasn't his fault, you know? It wasn't like he purposely chose to move away from me, but I felt like I was abandoned again."
Steve wipes a tear from his eye and puts his head in his hands. "God, I don't know why I'm even telling you this story. Sorry."
"Don't apologize," Eddie says quickly. He pauses and shifts on the stool, his gaze being far away. "I remember him. He was one of the only gym teachers that defended me against all the shitty middle school bullies. He was a good person.”
Steve nods. God, he was a good person.
Eddie continues, “I'm sorry that he left. And I bet he still regrets leaving you behind."
Steve leans back against the couch and looks away, shaking his head. "I bet he forgot about me."
"You're kind of hard to forget."
Steve looks at Eddie and sees a slight blush on his cheeks as he shakes his head and waves his hands as if trying to make the comment go away. "What I mean is that there's no way he's forgotten about you. Someone who you used to have lunch with all the time to the point of giving you free food... Nah, man. He remembers you. I think you may have been as important to him as he was to you."
The thought breaks away at a wall Steve had built up long ago. "Thanks," he practically whispers.
Eddie just smiles at him, small dimples appearing on his cheeks.
"You didn't deserve it either, you know," Steve says. "The absent parent stuff. Even with Wayne, they should've been here too."
Eddie's smile falters a bit as he swallows and looks at the ground. "Thanks," he mumbles. He looks up at Steve and comments, "Getting sappy with Steve Harrington. Who knew."
"Yeah, getting sappy with Eddie Munson," Steve echoes back at him.
Eddie laughs, "I'm surprised you even know my name."
"You're kind of hard to forget," Steve says easily.
That same blush comes back to Eddie who shifts in his chair a bit as if he needs to process the information with his whole body.
They sit in the moment for a bit before Eddie gets a somewhat serious look on his face and offers, "You know, I'm definitely not a parent figure or anything, but I'm always here and around to talk about that whole thing if you need to."
Steve's heart beats a little faster at the sheer genuineness. "Same here," he can't help but offer in return. He glances down at his watch and sighs, "It's getting late, so I better..."
"Right," Eddie says, standing up and leading him to the door. "Do you need water for the road or anything?"
Steve smiles and pats him on the back without thinking too hard about it. "I'm good, man. But thank you. For everything really."
"Sorry for being an asshole," Eddie apologizes again.
"Usually that's my line," Steve accidentally voices before cringing a bit, wondering further why Eddie's been so kind to him.
But as he opens the door, Eddie comments, "I don't know. It seems like Dustin was right about the whole reformed jock thing. Maybe your crown really has fallen - which is a good thing by the way."
Steve slightly smiles at him before he turns to leave. But he can't help but say, "I wonder what the neighbors will think about me leaving your trailer so late."
Eddie groans then laughs. "Sorry to ruin your image."
"I wouldn't mind," Steve replies, honestly unsure what he means by that. "Goodnight, Eddie."
"Goodnight, Steve," Eddie says, that same blush on his cheeks, only this time Steve isn't sure if it's something he said or a result of the cold night air.
In bed that night, Steve feels a slight weight lifted from him and can't help but feel like he’s a little less alone.
#steddie#eddie munson#steve harrington#stranger things#steddie ficlet#leave it to Eddie to tell Steve the things he needs to hear#sometimes it just shakes me to the core when I realize how alike they are#like yes. they absolutely have their differences#but at the core they have similar experiences that they need to process#and really I think they need each other#because they’re both so willing to die for others and see the worth in everyone but themselves#but put them together and that worth goes back and forth#I just see them learning a lot from each other#and it’s a really beautiful thing#ANYWAYS#hi guys. thanks for sticking through that massive tag rant thing 💛
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Pls do an NSFW post for rodrick corrupting Jefferson reader. She's so vanilla and i can only wonder what he teaches her behind closed doors
i think i got a little carried away with this so it's all below the cut... whoops
EDIT: i made a full fic version that you can find here
ok so my thing with rodrick is he can be either incredibly dom or incredibly sub, and there's just like no in between. obvi with jefferson!reader, he'd be more dominant bc the jefferson family is a bit of a prim and proper family. you're a good girl.
so why is it turning you on so much when rodrick's fingering you in the back of his van and calling you a dirty girl??
i feel like rodrick would take it slow at first, but after you lose your virginity and get more comfortable with each other, oh boy. theres a lot of degrading praise
"such a good little slut for me" "my perfect dirty girl" "what a fucking whore, you feel so good"
i feel like rodrick would have a dumbification kink or something. being a jefferson, you're pretty smart and are involved with so many extracurriculars and activites. meanwhile, rodrick barely graduated high school and doesn't do much besides hang out with his band. so being able to get you to become a babbling, begging mess under him is a huge accomplishment, and he wants to achieve it every. time.
sometimes you'll get together for music practice (him on drums, you on some kind of classical instrument (violin, cello, piano, etc)) and he'll have you sit on his lap or right next to him. his hands keep ghosting your thighs while you practice.
"nonono, don't focus on me. focus on the music." "you want me to touch you there, sweetie? play that measure again." "don't mess up and i'll let you come, only good girls get to come. you're a good girl, right? yeah you are"
or if he's playing the drums (or maybe teaching you how to play, i think that's a cute thing rodrick would wanna do with his gf), he might have you cockwarm him. your skirt is just barely able to conceal it, and you keep squirming bc rodrick keeps bouncing around while he plays and you just have to sit there and take it. god forbid his mom comes in to check on how you're doing, bc half the time rodrick will strike up a conversation with her just to watch you suffer and try not to break. then when she leaves, he starts teasing you
"such a dirty girl, clenching my cock in front of my mom" "it probably took everything in you to not start riding me, huh?" "you really are just a needy whore, aren't you baby?"
if you're someone who likes academic validation, he will give you that validation!! every B gets you his fingers, every A gets you his cock. but if you ever get a B- or below, it's a ruined orgasm with either a vibrator or slow fingers circling your clit bc "you're better than that baby. you're my good, smart girl, right?"
might have to make an actual fic of this or something, i think i kinda cooked here
#agaypanic#agaypanic answers#rodrick heffley x reader#doawk rodrick#diary of a wimpy kid rodrick#rodrick heffley#doawk x reader#rodrick heffley x reader smut#smut thoughts
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i dont think ppl realize just how much of an ATROCIOUS wifeguy harvey would be after the farmer marries him. and like god forbid you have kids with him. he is “stick figure family sticker on the back of the minivan” waiting to happen
like /w sdv a lot of the other bachelor/ettes are just kinda like “cool that we’re married now this is a sweet gig” but like harvey is ALL up in yuor business all the time abt how becoming a porch swinging tradwife living on a farm has saved his lonely failcringe doctor life and he loves you so so much and please do not shit to death in the skull caverns and die bc he will die too of a random anime mom illness like some kind of pair bonded albatross
and like how fucking annoying this would be for the residents pelican town too. like /w the town so full of broken ass families harvey and the farmer would absolutely be the pair that everybody goes to bed hoping and praying for messy tearful divorce . they wish harvey would go back to barely interacting with anyone outside of the clinic bc now hes prowling the square like a starving cheetah chasing down anybody in his AOE range to lock them into an unskippable cutscene abt how his kids are so so cute and look at this picture of my husband look at this picture of her look at it now
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song 53! magic (one direction) + percy jackson requested by @isabelboo (2023 spotify wrapped event)
you, you’ve got this spell on me, i don’t know what to believe, kissed you once now i can’t leave
Percy isn’t really sure how or when it started, but he’s pretty sure you’ve put some kind of curse on him.
His thoughts are consumed by you day and night. His vision tunnels in on you every time you’re around. Whenever you talk to him, all he can do is think of your lips. It’s excruciating. It’s nauseating. And it’s definitely affecting his daily activities, he thinks as he sits, dazed in the infirmary, with a stab wound (a very minor one!) in his side.
It has to be some kind of magic, he thinks, because he’s never felt like this. Maybe some voodoo? Maybe a trick by Hecate as vengeance for defeating the Titans. Maybe you’ve been slipping him potions in his food. It could be anything, and Percy is not as well-versed in magic knowledge as some other people at camp, so he has no idea.
But he finds himself always looking for you, asking after you. He finds himself trailing after you always, and depressed when you’re not around.
The strangest part is that nobody else seems to notice anything out of the ordinary, and he’s too afraid to ask them about it.
He mentioned something about it to Annabeth once, but she merely waved him off.
(“It’s like I can only think of Y/N,” he said.
Annabeth looked over her notes distractedly. “Uh huh, yeah, that’s great, Percy. Hey, since you’re not being any help here, would you mind getting Y/N so they can help me finish the Capture the Flag plans?”
Percy blinked. “Okay?”)
He thinks it must have started somewhere between all the times you held his hand to lead him somewhere, or the times he stood behind you to help correct your sword fighting posture, or the times you touched his hands and arms to correct his archery posture. He always ended up blushing furiously after each of those ordeals.
Or maybe it started that time he kissed you. Although, technically, you’d kissed him first (on the cheek, nothing crazy!) before he went off to face Kronos.
But then again, Percy had been the one to kiss you on the lips when he found you again after.
(“Percy!”
He heard the call of his name, registered your voice, and his head was already whipping around to find you. He found you, a strained look on your face as you hobbled towards him, and Percy rushed towards you.
No sooner had you steadied yourself by holding onto his forearms than he had leaned forwards and kissed you on the lips.)
But Percy couldn’t help it! He’d just been so worried about you, and so relieved to find you alive. He thinks maybe during one of those kisses you transferred your evil little spell.
Still, he hoped that kiss might have meant something to you, more than friendship, but you hadn’t gotten the chance to talk about it, since you’d collapsed on your broken ankle right after.
Even until now, you two have never really discussed what you are, or what the kiss/es entail for your future relationship. Because magic spell or not, Percy’s endless thoughts about you have him planning out your future (however much of it you can plan for two demigods who face certain death before their prime). An apartment in New York, close enough to his mom and Paul but not so close that it’s overbearing, college and planning schedules to match up, weekends out with your friends laughing and eating and watching movies and doing normal teenager things.
That’s all he wants. But he’ll settle for the lingering touches and smiles he gets from you for now.
But this curse, spell, whatever (because gods forbid Percy Jackson admit he’s in love with you before he’s sure you’re in love with him. They kissed you, Percy! What more do you need, for Zeus’ sake) is seriously becoming a problem, because somebody explain to him how from 30 feet away, Percy managed to see an Ares camper headed straight for you and make it over the battlefield in time to intercept it. With his own abdomen.
It was a stupid mistake, he acknowledges now. He’s been through countless battles, and he knows he could’ve incapacitated the camper from behind, or just knocked the spear out of his hand or something. But something about seeing you in danger just sets alight a fire in his mind that burns through any rational thought, leaving only an urge to stop you from getting hurt.
A little inconvenient now that he’s wincing on an infirmary bed with his side burning up. But at least you’re okay. And oh, look! It’s you! He’s not sure if he’s hallucinating now, or if you’re really standing in front of him.
“Seaweed brain,” you say, sniffling.
Okay, definitely you.
“Hey Y/N,” Percy says meekly. His side still feels like it’s on fire but his heart feels warmer with you here.
You take his hand and his heart aches at the tears in your eyes. “Hey, I’m fine,” he assures, ignoring the fact that he is definitely not fine.
“You’re an idiot, is what you are.”
“Yeah, that too.”
You look at him, at the ridiculous little smile he’s giving you to reassure you, at the bandages around his waist, and his hand in yours, and you lurch forwards and press your lips to his.
Percy jolts in surprise and feels his abdomen screaming at him from the movement, but kisses back nonetheless, feeling your lips on his once more and your tongue graze his bottom one.
When you pull back, he stares at you in a daze. If kissing is how you kept this spell on him, he is okay with being under it forever.
“You’re ridiculous, Percy Jackson,” you say, “but I love you.”
He swears his heart has never felt this warm. “I love you too.”
(“Sorry,” Leo says, looking rather gobsmacked, “they weren’t already dating?”
“Leo!” Piper throws her hands up in exasperation.
He smacks his cheeseburger back down on his plate and stares at the faces of his friends. Jason and Frank also look rather miffed, but the girls are all rolling their eyes. “Excuse me for being surprised! They’ve known each other since they were, what, 13?”
“12, actually,” answers Annabeth.
“12! When Percy woke up on the other side of America, the only name he could remember was Y/N’s, right?”
“Correct,” says Frank.
“And we spent ages on the Argo II, during which they got caught in the stables—“
“They were just talking,” says Hazel.
“—and they fell into Tartarus together! Because he refused to let go of her hand! They literally went all the way to hell, all the way through hell, and back out, together!”
Nobody says a word, all looking at Leo.
“You’re telling me,” Leo says, breathing very intensely as though he just found out that his pet dog has been run over, “that during that entire time, neither of them asked each other out?”
“Nope,” says Annabeth matter-of-factly, “and he also kissed Y/N on his 16th birthday.”
“Man,” Jason sighs, “talk about slow burn.”)
#percy jackson imagines#percy jackson x reader#percy jackson imagine#percy jackson#heroes of olympus#hoo#pjo#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo x reader#pjo imagines#pjo imagine#written works !#2023 spotify wrapped event !
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Hiii I’m glad your back and I just wanted to share a thought I’ve been thinking about yan!mom!aemma and gremlin!reader i feel aemma would be those type of moms that ignores every wrong thing their kid has done wrong for example
Maid watching after reader: “you grace Y/N has painted all over the library and drew faces all over the book covers.”
Yan!mom!Aemma: “Awww my baby wants to be an artist.” (or) “They were just expressing their creativity weren’t you baby.” (Or) “My sweet baby is just cranky from not taking their 2nd afternoon nap let’s go.”
And if we’re talking about dragon onesiereader Now aemma is turning every which way to justify what reader does for example reader could literally burn the red keep down and Aemma would insist that her darling baby wouldn’t ever do such a thing or They are just expressing their inner dragon .
I feel like aemma would have a ‘talk’ with reader about certain things (I say ‘talk’ because it’s not one it’s just her babing reader or giving them treats or gifts.)
(That was it)
Due to their already royal upbringing, the reader is guaranteed to be spoiled, but with Viserys and Aemma around, they’ll be spoiled rotten. While Aemma tries to scold the reader, at the sight of the puppy eyes and god forbid, a single tear coming out, Aemma melts into cooing and cuddling the reader, forgetting any intended lectures. Unlike Viserys, who remains blissfully ignorant and dismisses the claims as mere ‘exaggerations’, while Aemma is well aware, but has every excuse.
Even the most stern of septas find their patience tested when the reader opts for scribbling in books rather than learning. Complaints to the queens will be brushed aside, with Aemma asking to see the reader’s doodlings, praising her for such an imagination. Even when the castle walls become the reader’s canvas, Aemma will let it be preserved if the reader cries of her drawings be erased, leaving court members to hold their tongues in the face of scribbled faces.
Aemma loves giving the reader her afternoon naps, it’s their time to bond, cradling and reading them stories until they fall asleep. Despite the septas’ advice against it, but at the end of the day, it’s the handmaidens and servants who bear the brunt of the reader’s nocturnal activities.
#yandere concept#yandere hotd#yandere house of the dragon#hotd x reader#house of the dragon x reader#yandere asoiaf#gremlin!reader#child!reader#aemma arryn x reader
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AITA for threatening to become a girl's step dad to troll her into blocking me and stop dragging me in a group chat ? Jenny (23F) blew up because I (24NB) said she'd be a shitty social worker bc of her specific autism symptoms + class bg. My gf (45F) said it was warranted because of how overwhelmed i got by the wall of text with triggering details of my abuse. I never told my GF that the fight started because Jenny called me a gold digger. I also never mentioned that I ended it an hour later by posting pics of Jenny's mom in the chat, ignoring her ranting and discussing the vacancy left by her dead dad*, and how i could fill said vacancy. 😬😬😬 Might of gone too far with this one.
Backstory: I lived with Jenny when I was houseless indefinitely. She only let me stay for two weeks because it would be too "distracting" to her studies. Jenny was incredibly rich, didn't work, and her parents paid her rent for a 2 bedroom. She admitted she got rejected from every grad school she applied to except for the one her mom was in charge of. Her mom bought her a condo in the city the school was in. She kept asking me how she should decorate it, completely ignorant to how uncomfortable this made me and my other friends. Jenny was oblivious constantly to how she made others feel. She was actually the most incompetent person I've ever met in terms of comforting other, always tone deaf and completely absorbed with her own, single traumatic event. She made constant jokes about the abuser I was fleeing and even compared this stalked to a /serial killer/ documentary she watched, but never EVER showed any signs of internalizing how I almost lost my life to another person, how that might affect me or even just bum me out. Seriously, I've never met someone else who was so incapable of even being sensitive to issues that were /EXTREMELY SERIOUS/. Forget comforting, the stuff she routinely said to me and my other friends to try to cheer us up was beyond degrading. It was wearing on me a lot.
Jenny herself was neurodivergent. She often said her autism prevented her from understanding the feelings others had, reading their expressions, and tolerating crying or loud noise-- she forbid her musician roommate from doing both. None of those mean shes a worthless person, but all of those things would make someone a horrible therapist or social worker. Oh my God, literally every time I talked about my recent trauma, she would talk about herself and then blame her autism when I told her it just wasn't helping.
The final piece of this was I had a nervous breakdown and screamed at her over discord that she was a shit friend and needed to give up on social work, for like an hour. NOT MY PROUDEST, but I ALMOST DIED. I was living with her because SOMEONE WAS STALKING ME. and I would have liked to not have my abuse JOKED about. HOW DID JENNY RESPOND!? She began dragging me, through the mud, in the group chat, for, dating, an, older, woman, who, paid, for, my, air bnb, because, !!!she!!! wouldn't let me live with her for more than a week. I was HOMELESS. It became all about "OP you are such a b*tch, you are with a woman twice your age and she pays for everything now but you are still a miserable and angry person. You are so blah blah blah you are an ableist, you said I can't become a social worker bc of autism blah blah blah you have major major issues, Go back your rich granny and leech off of her you useless, fucked up little gold digger."
U_U Then, she started graphically describing how I deserved my abuse, so I shrimply began to troll. And yes, I pulled out my magnum oppus like fucking playing blue eyes white dragon, oh yeah I slipped her a pristine Jenny's mom facebook photo and said "Hey you never said your mom was so cute. Maybe, I could leech off her next and become your new dad." Yes, her dad died.* She blocked me immediately. Its OK. It was knives out for Jenny as soon as my GF gifted me a pair of $700 Isabel Marant shoes** , the most EXPENSIVE thing ive ever owned in my whole life, and Jenny saw me excited and called her mom to buy her a pair. It's, absolutely OK, if I am the asshole. I wear my crown of thorns, judas that I am, but I really, really think Jenny was being cruel. *he died 18 years ago ** the shoes are no more because i fell into my gf's rich friend's koi pond
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Imagine Wanda/The Scarlet Witch having you as her little girlfriend in between the events of WandaVision and MoM.
Late one night, while the two of you are in bed together, she asks “If you could do anything in the world what would it be?”
“Hmm,” you think for a moment. “I think I’d own an apple orchard. Apples are my favorite fruit and the trees are so pretty.”
And the next morning she tells you she has a surprise for you. She tells you to close your eyes as she guides you to your new home. When she tells you to open your eyes, you squeal in excitement, taking off down the rows of apple trees, laughing with giddy joy. The pedals of the flowering tree fill the spring air.
“How’d you do all this?” You ask her, jumping back into her arms.
“I made it all for you, my love.”
——————
She never keeps it a secret, that all of this is a hex. But you also find that you don’t really care. She can create anything you ever want here. The apples are tasty, the weather is beautiful, and you wake up every morning next to the woman you love more than anything in the world. Why does it matter if it’s all magic?
One morning, when she notices your a little down, she turns all the flowering apple trees to pink rather than white.
You’re a little confused when you walk outside and see what looks like cherry blossoms in your apple orchard. They are beyond beautiful, but out of the ordinary. “That’s not what apple trees look like in real life.”
“We don’t have to live in real life, my love. Not if you don’t want to.”
——————
After that you become far more comfortable making requests as to how you want your world to be.
You want to go snow sledding in July? You’ve got a couple inches of the most perfect snow you could ask for. Grown tired of apples? Now you’ve got cherry trees. You want a new furry friend? You find the most adorable little kitten right on your front porch.
It like a lucid dream. Anything you could ever imagine is all yours with a snap of her fingers.
——————
Wanda is, of course, studying the darkhold this entire time. She can’t let anyone or anything threaten this perfect little life of yours.
She retreats to her study for hours a day, studying the book and all it has to offer.
She keeps her studies secret at first, fearing you’d be scared of her or, god forbid, try to run away. But when she confesses her interest in the dark arts, you remain unfazed. You live in a paradise of her magical creation. Why would you reprimand her for studying magic?
Sometimes, if you ask super nicely, and promise to be quiet and still, she’ll let you stay with her in her study. You mostly just like to sit in her lap while she reads. You giggle a little the first time the arcane magic causes you both to levitate off the ground.
Even in all her beautiful darkness, she’s still your Wanda. How could you ever be afraid of her?
#maybe dark!wanda?#she just wants all her little girls dream to come true#wanda maximoff#wanda x reader#wanda x y/n#wanda x you#the scarlet witch#scarlet witch#scarlet witch x reader
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Greek mythology has evolved over the course of hundreds of years, and with all those… retellings now, it’s gotten me thinking about just how many people have been spreading false details of myths through word of mouth to the point of becoming the most common interpretation, when if you were to look back in history, a great number of them were only recently made up, barely a a few centuries prior. Example of this is King Midas and his turning his daughter into a gold statue. I remember this part having been included all throughout my childhood, only to find out it was never part of the original myth but a recent addition in a book from 1852. (suddenly, the daughter being aptly named “Marigold” makes a lot more sense.) My ask is: which commonly told misconception of this type regarding any Greek myth is most infuriating to you and why?
oh my god misinformation can be INFURIATING smh
Let's start off with the Apollo misinformation.
"He raped Persephone/is a serial rapist!"
First of all, no he did not. LO, toss yourself into an eternal blaze and incinerate.
and secondly- he's not a serial rapist. There's only two accounts of rape, specifically Dryope and Creusa, but that depends on interpretation and the source so if you want to discard it, you can. No one can tell you you can't.
"UwU Apollo's love life is terrible!"
do i even need to say anything?
"Athena hates women!"
hell to the fuck no. the evidence people use for this is the Medusa Myth: Ovid's Version, and CONVIENTLY IGNORE THE ONES WHERE SHE HELPS WOMEN ESCAPE BEING RAPED!! AND THAT OVID IS THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES THIS!!
Even with the ones where she punishes the victim, the older versions do not have that! She made Nicymene her eternal owl companion, for heaven's sake!
"Hermes/Dionysus/Hephaestus is the only unproblematic god! UwU"
uh... *waves Leuconoe/Choine/Philonis around* no matter which version you go with, Hermes/Mercury does rape her...
...and in the Dionysica Dionysus rapes like two women...
...and Hephaestus tried to rape Athena... (oh wow, would you look at that...it's like Athena would have *gasp* sympathy for assault survivors...)
...See the double standards? :/ Ignores Roman/late Greek literature when it's convenient, and then exaggerates it to suit their own needs.
"Demeter is a terrible mom!"
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE NO ONE DISRESPECTS THE QUEEN
"Hades only kidnapped Persephone because Zeus told him too!"
Hades is his own man and wasn't being held at gunpoint to abduct her. He did so on his own merits. From a literal perspective, what was stopping him from just. you know. talking to her. kidnapping was not necessary.
(yes, yes, i know about the symbolic perspective, hence my use of 'literal'.)
"But Hades and Persephone are the only ones who don't cheat!!"
uh, nope. Hi Adonis, Minthe, how're you doing?
"But Adonis was more of a son to Persephone!!"
uh, NO. Even the ancients saw them as a couple!!
"Artemis is a girlboss who hates her brother!"
*kicks open door* OUT!
"Orion's the only man Artemis ever loved!"
how dare you disrespect my boy in this way Apollo was the first man she ever loved and no one will be able to replace him how dare you-
-and how dare you disrespect Hippolytus in this way he did not die in the name of all aroace people to be disrespected like this smh
"Zeus's only quality is how he fucks around!"
look, I've joked about this before but I know that's not all there is too him and that it has a symbolic representation.
Sure would be nice if people focused on that more :)
also anything that villainizes Aphrodite or Hera. god forbid women do anything.
"Clytemnestra is a girlboss who did no wrong!"
OH MY GOD THE DOUBLE STANDARDS.
funny how people fawn over Cassandra one moment and then COMPLETELY FORGET HER EXISTENCE to becry the woman who murdered her!
AND ALSO GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO HATE APOLLO FOR CURSING HER WHEN THEIR STORY IS LITERAL ABOUT A WOMAN'S AUTONOMY BEING RESPECTED!!
AND GUESS WHAT!! APOLLO AVENGES HER DEATH!!
anything that is "UwU Achilles!" omg i am sick of it.
that bitch had everything coming. he deserved everything he got. Tenes, Troilus, and Hemithea did NOT deserve what he did to them! APOLLO AND PARIS HAD EVERY RIGHT TO TAKE HIM DOWN!
i'm probably forgetting some but here's the one that popped into my head :)
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alright so i've been obsessing over family man and the more i think about it the more i'm convinced that the cat is gonna come out of the bag at some point. gojo might not want reader to know about jujutsu society, but becoming MRS gojo kinda puts a giant target on her back and the back of her baby and it's unfortunate that she doesn't know it. but. reina is capable of becoming a sorcerer, right?
how do we think familyman!gojo would be like as a dad during her upbringing, especially her teen years, when kids become far more interested in asserting themselves and differentiating themselves from their parents? would he be more controlling of her and if so when? he's so lenient with kids and encouraging them to grow they way they really want to, and i think this gojo would be like that as a dad as well. except. how it could implicate his relationship with reader.
would reina become a student at the tech, or would gojo try to keep her in the dark, too? gaslight her? or maybe worse, let her in on jujutsu society and try to turn it into an 'our little secret' thing, encouraging her to keep anything like that from her mom and sort of delude her into thinking she's protecting her mom by keeping her in the dark as much as possible. (rip kiyo and unnamed grandpa you have no chance at having any serious influence over gojo reina's life now even if you did love her, god forbid satoshi's influence be allowed to surface anywhere)
what would that be like for reader to have her daughter become a sorcerer and not really know it? for gojo to put a wedge between the two of them and keep the two of them from being able to honestly communicate with each other? would he intentionally try to make it a wedge? would he want what's best for reina (having an open and honest relationship with her mom) or would securing reader's ignorance be his number one concern?
what would it be like for him to even become reina's teacher? how would that influence his relationship with her? because canon gojo, i could see him trying to be the best dad he could be no matter what blood relation, and i think out of all the yan's familyman!gojo is amongst the closest to canon gojo in terms of disposition and circumstances (which is probably why he thrills me aslkjjsa),
but. the yan factor. how would reina having more agency and being in the position she is in change everything? and also. this reader isn't dumb. prone to missing things and denial, sure, she's kinda occupied with a LOT. but. i think she'd notice if something was up with reina. she already kinda notices that something's up with gojo, especially after he's made his romantic intentions apparent.
wouldn't reina inheriting her father's cursed technique just about ruin everything for gojo? because as much as she might not want to, this reader can connect the dots.
so like...as cruel as it is to say, the only reason gojo rlly cares about reina is cuz she's ms.sawai's daughter. he kinda sees reina as an extension of miss sawai. as we saw in the fic, he kept obsessing over how similiar miss sawai and reina were. as reina gets older, their relationship with eachother will get more distant. yknow how some parents only want babies and not humans? yeahhhh thats gojo! so he's not gonna be as controlling over her as he would be on miss sawai+any kids they have together. reina gets the best scenario in this case
i think i mentioned this in another ask but reina is a sorcerer and will have ce. so yes miss sawai will also learn about curses as well as how important gojo is buuuut miss sawai isnt gonna be able to put together the dots of what rlly happened to satoshi cuz there's no real papertrail. gojo is able to keep the stuff that he wants secret, a secret.
as for reina, due to miss sawai, i dont think she'll fully become a sorcerer (aka go to jujutsu tech/learn about CE). miss sawai wants reina to live a normal happy life. buuut the same cannot be said for the children miss sawai has with gojo. even if miss sawai tries to plead the case for them to live normally, gojo+ the clan wont accept it. he's gonna consider those extensions of himself and so ya, their all gonna be sorcerers.
strangely enough, Gojo's favorite kid will be reina. again, its mainly due to him seeing her as an extension of you, but he prefers her over his biological children.
and reina wont inherit satoshi's technique cuz the technique wasnt an inherited technique! but for the sake of discussion...i still dont think miss sawai would be able to put the dots together. despite how crazy the jjk world is..how can you figure out that your now husband fell in love with you via switching bodies with your late-husband and then got so jealous he wound up killing him to take his place???
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All in | Chapter 4.5 (Jeongin)
pairing: Lee Felix x f!reader (mafia au)
summary: You didn't know what you were getting yourself into when you started dating Yang Jungwon, notorious mafia boss. Your life gets flipped upside down when you're found beaten and bloody by SKZ, the rival mafia group, and you're quickly integrated into their lives. What will happen when you try to leave your old life behind and start anew?
chapter summary: Jeongin has only ever wanted one thing. How did Jeongin come to join SKZ?
warnings: please see series masterlist for all warnings
series masterlist ~~ series taglist ~~ main masterlist
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Jeongin:
The day I told my mother that I wanted to go to fashion school was the same day that my braces had been removed. Though I’d had a passion for clothing and having a great appearance my entire life, fashion school was never really in the cards for me. It was something I had been thinking about for a while, but when I talked to my mother in the car on the way home from the orthodontist…
“Your father and I put down the down-payment for university today,” she said. I remember not wanting to have that conversation, especially then. I was still in pain from the procedure and still in a mood.
“Okay,” I replied.
“You need to declare your major by the end of the week. Your father and I think that with your biology grades, you would fare pretty well going the science route.” Anxiety bubbled in my gut and I started speaking before I could stop myself.
“I don’t want to go the science route, mom,” I told her. She furrowed her brow in confusion and I hated the way her face looked. I could already tell my words were about to disappoint her. “I want… I want to be a fashion designer.” She laughed. She fucking laughed in my face. And as much as I hated being emotional, especially in front of her, tears streamed down my face. She didn’t notice. I wiped them away too fast.
“You aren’t going to pursue fashion,” she spat. “Don’t tell that to your father. He’s going to think you might be gay or something. He will not be as kind as I am about this.”
The words struck like a knife to the gut. I didn’t speak. I couldn’t because I knew she was right. My father would never let me pursue fashion, he would sooner disown me. God forbid I do something that could come across as slightly feminine, I would be a disgrace. And so, we never talked about it again.
I started school that fall, after I walked in my high school graduation. I had been enrolled as a biology major, much to my dismay. The first semester went swimmingly. I excelled in all of my courses, just as my parents had anticipated. But on the side… I tried not to squash my own dreams. I filled up journal after journal with design ideas. I never showed them to anybody, but I took great care in what I wore. People started to notice. People even complimented me on my outfits, and without my parents there it was possible to imagine enrolling in fashion school and becoming successful.
The first day of my second semester, I switched my major. I didn’t consult my parents about it but I started attending the classes I had always wanted to. I had never been happier in my life, actually. I struggled a little more than I did in my science classes at first, as the other students had a semester’s worth of knowledge above me, but it didn’t take me long to catch up. I excelled, even, and professors told me that I had the capacity to go far.
One day when I showed up to my course, the door was locked. Rattling the handle, I remember beung confused. Why hadn’t the professor unlocked the door yet? I wasn’t late, was I?
“Jeongin,” I heard the professor say as he opened the door. “I received word from the dean and I regret to inform you that you aren’t enrolled in this course anymore.” What? He saw my confusion before he continued speaking. “Your tuition payment has been declined. Your parents have contacted the school and have let us know that you are no longer allowed to attend.”
I knew immediately what had happened. I didn’t even bother to check my phone, as I knew not to expect any messages. My parents, they were just like that. Passive-aggressive, cold and distant whenever they wanted to be. They wouldn’t have returned my calls if I had tried to reach out, so I didn’t even bother.
A notice was put up on my dorm room that I had 48 hours to vacate from the premises. I said goodbye to my roommates and to my friends. My life as I knew it was over. It was great while it lasted.
Packing up one suitcase, I found myself couch-hopping for quite some time. As long as they would let me. My parents had cut my funds off completely and I had been left with nothing. My phone bill was no longer being paid, which was to be expected. It was then for the first time in my life that I knew what it was like to lose everything. In fact, I had never not had everything. I grew up pretty wealthy and privileged, knowing my parents would always be there to take care of me and provide for me.
The only thing able to sacrifice that security was my dream.
I knew I needed to start making money. Somewhere deep down I had the thought that maybe if I made enough money I could find a way to enroll again on my own. I had a buddy who encouraged me to start selling drugs with him, and while I was hesitant at first I realized just how much money it made. For someone who was without a phone, had no means to get food and had no apartment, it sounded like a pretty good deal. I had already lost everything. What more could have been taken at that point?
I started selling drugs and living on the streets. I was only 18 years old. I had never touched the drugs myself, but did whatever questionable job that I had to do in order to make as much money as I could. The people I ended up surrounding myself with… they were questionable, to say the least. Sometimes I ended up feeling unsafe around them but I put up a fake smile and fought back the voice in my head that told me to run.
One day I ran into him. The first thing I noticed about him was his outfit. He looked well put together and jealousy had bubbled in my gut ferociously. The man was a few inches shorter than me with long, beautiful blonde hair and feminine features. He walked with confidence and dominance that I had never seen someone possess. He looked border-line angelic but the deep timbre of his voice surprised the crap out of me.
“You seem like a good kid,” he said. It was the first time since I left school that anybody had tried to look into the deeper qualities of my personality, to see past me for what I am. A drug-dealer. With just one look, the man seemed to have made a decision.
“Your gang is getting raided tonight,” he said. “My team and I. We’re coming in here and fighting you for all you’re worth. We’re going to win. You know they’re a bunch of good for nothing scum, right?” I nodded my head solemnly. “You should leave,” he advised.
“I have nowhere else to go,” I told him. “I’ve been disowned. This is all I am. This is all I have now.”
“Do you really believe that?” he asked. I shrug my shoulders. “If you get the Hell away from here tonight, I will find you again. Me and my team… SKZ. If you want to, you can join us,” he said. “I’ll introduce you to my leader.”
When he left I was trembling though I didn’t know why. All he left me with was his name, Felix. He seemed good enough, and for some reason I trusted him. I left everything behind, the people that integrated me into their gang, all of my money and all of my drugs. I hauled ass out of there. By the sound of the police sirens, I could tell that Felix was right. I did the right thing by leaving. The next day I heard that some of my gang had ended up dead, others ended up seriously injured and in custody of the police. A thought had flashed over my mind, of me dying there that night with the others. My parents would go to my memorial service and grieve for their dead son and they have no fucking right to do so. That’s not how I wanted it to end. I will end up at the top of the fashion industry and make them feel sorry that they had ever doubted me.
Felix found me again, just like he promised. He introduced me to his leader, Bang Chan. The guy was intimidating but he extended his trust to me which I appreciated. All I needed to do was show my undying loyalty towards him and he would give me food, money and a place to stay? It seemed too good to be true.
“Jeongin, I’d like to see you in my office,” he said to me one day. It had been almost a year since I decided to join SKZ. When I joined at first, I didn’t exactly realize what I was getting myself into. The mafia, that is. But the way Felix described it to me… ‘We’re going to make the world a better place.’ It didn’t sound all that bad even if the means were unconventional.
“Yes?” I asked him, sitting down in the wooden chair facing his desk.
“What do you desire above all else?” he had asked me. His question had caught me off guard.
“May I be frank?” I asked. I wasn’t sure what his intentions were when asking me that, but by that point I had started to become comfortable. Felix, Seungmin, Jisung… They’d become my friends. People I could turn to. The first ones to support me and even ask to see my designs, which I showed them willingly.
“I want nothing more,” he responded.
“I want to go to fashion school,” I admitted. “I’ve always dreamt of it. I tried to pursue it, but that dream tore me apart from everybody I had ever loved. I need to go now. I need to prove them wrong, but I want to prove myself right.”
He mulled over my words. “Very well,” he had said. “I would like for you to sign a contract. If you stay here with us for another three years and show your complete honesty and loyalty, at the end of your contract I will pay your tuition in full.”
My heart skipped a beat at his words. Was this the opportunity that I had been waiting for? “You’re not serious,” I had said.
“Dead,” he smiled. “I’m an honest man, Jeongin. You prove to me that you’re one of us, I’ll make it worth your while. Do we have a deal?”
I thought of the things that he had made me do up until now. Murdering, infiltration, arms dealing… even running some of the more sketchier businesses in the area, because if SKZ is the one in charge of them, then we know everyone is safe and protected and there’s no dirty business happening underneath our noses. Everything that we’ve been doing, it’s for the greater good.
‘Do I really want to be stuck doing this?’ I had thought. Is signing a contract a good idea? I thought of my mother laughing in my face just a few years prior when I had told her about my dream for the first time. That young, bright-eyed boy wanted his mother to support him, to tell him that he was going to do great things and that she would be there for him no matter what. Instead, she had laughed in his face and made sure first-hand that his dreams would crumble and burn before his eyes. My parents had not even contacted me one time since I had left school.
Instead there was a man right in front of me offering me everything I had ever wanted. I would do it, no matter the cost.
“Deal.”
─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──
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