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cdroloisms · 3 years ago

Note

Do you consider a possibility that c!Punz never betrayed c!Dream in the first place and whole "I'm sorry, Dream -- but you should have paid me more" thing was a facade and undercover for Punz? Like Dream said that Punz should not associated with him, so it was intentional-

staged disc finale theory my beloved !!! :D it’s definitely one of my favorite theories, though i’m still holding out (for now) as for believing super firmly in one direction or another (tho the staged finale is definitely the one i prefer for Many reasons, haha.) c!punz is so so fun no matter if the betrayal was intentional or not, but oh boyyyy if it was something planned ,,, man .

*c!dream voice, after quackity starts visiting*: the risk i took was calculated, but man am i bad at math.

anyway c!punz and c!dream interactions make me soft as heck so have this !!

tw: implied torture, abuse, violence, blood, injuries, emotional distress, panicking, dehumanization, unhealthy coping mechanisms, unhealthy mindsets, illness, trauma, flashbacks, starvation mention, suicide mention, death mentions, dark content, dark imagery, prison arc/pandora’s vault themes, c!quackity critical/dark portrayal of c!quackity

Dream comes to in vague moments and flashes.

There’s a hand brushing over his forehead, too gentle to be Quackity or the Warden, not Techno because Techno is Gone and he has Left and won’t come again, running through the sweat-soaked locks and pulling them back out of his forehead. He’s unbearably hot, shifting around on the ground, only barely registering it moving beneath him. Water, cool and clear, is tipped in between his lips, quenching his thirst and easing the dryness of his mouth. Someone speaks, voice low and rumbling, and even though he’s unable to make out the words, there’s something about the cadence of them and the specific rhythm in which they move and rise and dip that is bone-achingly familiar, enough to lull him into a fitful sleep. Through it all, there is always something, someone, lingering in the edges of his vision, a shadow standing near and watching over him; part of him remembers Quackity, remembers the Warden, and recoils in fright; another part of him remembers Techno, remembers the barest flashes of a life before obsidian and lava and pain and hell, and wants nothing more than to get closer.

When the fog in his head finally clears away enough to think, the first coherent thought he has is oh fuck, I need to piss.

Which, out of all possible things to think, is probably up there as one of the worst, and he’s sure that when his head feels a little less like it’s trying to actively kill him (ha, let it- it’s far from the first to try) the panic will settle in as it always does. As it is, he’s exhausted, and hungry, and he really really needs to pee- so he forces his eyes open to move away from where he’s probably still stuck in a puddle of dried blood in the middle of his cell.

The second coherent thought he has is this: this isn’t Pandora.

The realization has him thoroughly awake, eyes snapping open out of his previous fatigue to take in his surroundings, feet kicking out to the weight on top of them that he hadn’t even noticed was there, panicking against his restraints that end up not being restraints at all, giving way easily under his thrashing and resolving to what appears to be a thick blanket when he has the mind to look. With the covers gone off of whatever he’s lying on (a bed?) he’s suddenly, unbearably cold - the prison has always been hot, the lava baking into him and leaving his skin sticky with sweat, and he thinks that the room he’s in is probably not meant to feel like a fucking freezer, but after months of being one wrong step away from heatstroke, anything cooler than the goddamn Nether feels like literal ice against his skin. The room is wooden and cozy and oddly familiar, an open door leading to what appears to be a bathroom and a closed one going who knows where, window panes built into the opposite wall to let the sunlight in. It’s a nice room, all things considered, and Dream fucking hates it.

He pulls himself to his feet, cursing at the wobbly edge to his stance when he finally manages to stand, his vision wavering dangerously in time to the spinning of his head. His eyes flick between the two doors - he still needs to go to the bathroom, and using it now will lessen the amount of things to get in the way of his escape in the future - but at the same time, there's no knowing when people will come to (hurt him, beat him, starve him, punish him, leaving him bruised and bleeding and half-dead on the floor just as he deserves) him and he needs all the time he can get to get the hell away. In the end, he slinks into the bathroom, ignoring the thudding in his chest as he does so - at the very least, the cabinets in the thing might provide him with some manner of a weapon.

He’s only just past the door on the way out - a fucking broomstick in his hand because it’s all he could find - when his ears catch on the sound of metal clicking against each other and his eyes fall on the knob of the other door shaking as someone makes their way in. All at once, panic slams into him - goddammit, he should’ve just run when he had the chance - and he directs quick, desperate glances at the window. Maybe, if he’s fast enough, he can book it out of there and disappear into the trees; it’ll hurt, but it’ll be better than getting caught. Anything would be better than getting caught-

“Dream?”

Dream blinks. All at once, the same feeling of getting the air punched out of him returns, but combined with something warm and floaty wrapping around his chest, something almost a little like relief - and hell, if that isn’t something he’s not felt for a while.

“Punz?”

Punz is standing in the doorway, hoodie rumpled, expression more than a little frazzled; Dream’s breath hitches at the sight of the sword strapped to his side, but their face holds none of the harsh edges and cold-dark-hard hatred that had characterized the Warden and Quackity’s visits, mouth slightly parted and eyes shining with nothing but what appears to be shock and concern. The sight of them, again, nearly has Dream dizzy, a swell of tangled, unexplainable emotion rising to the back of his throat as he sways on his feet. He hadn’t thought that he would see Punz again, he realizes, had never thought he’d see his stupid gold chain and his stupid outfit he never bothered changing, ever, or that same lopsided smirk and pale blue eyes- the last time he’d seen them, it was in that vault, their mouth twisted up in the act the two of them had decided on and eyes shimmering with unease and regret; as far as goodbyes went, it wasn’t the worst, not when Punz was one of the few to never leave him, not really, not when something ached in their expression other than the hatred that had colored all of the other expressionless faces watching him die. Months later, alone in Pandora, he must’ve grown resigned, or something, the repeated reminders that he would die alone and afraid and it would be nothing more than he deserved settling into his skin and against his bones; Punz’s expression twists, visible even across the room, and- oh.

They must’ve thought the same thing, too.

“What are you doing out of bed?” Punz asks, finally, and Dream decides not to point out the way his voice cracks harshly in the middle, especially when the other man strides forward and starts to awkwardly herd him back in the direction of the bed - covers still thrown to the floor - in the middle of the room. Dream lets them, not replying because he doesn’t really know where to even begin describing the tangled knot of panic and shock that had strung his muscles tense when he woke up in a room he didn’t recognize, not knowing if he can really describe it all at all, trying his best not to flinch at the hands flitting in the corners of his vision as he falls back into a sitting position onto the bed. His fingers settle into the mattress, pressing into the bedsheets cautiously and marveling when they fall away under the pressure. Punz watches him, expression odd, gathers the blankets from the ground and presses them over and around him in a way that’s entirely awkward but does leave him warmer than he’d been before, before walking back on his heels with an odd expression that makes Dream’s insides twist.

“You,” Punz says after a long second, voice wavering, “are a fucking idiot,” and it’s all the warning Dream gets before a white-and-black blur is rushing towards him, arms wrapping around his chest and his vision whites out in alarm and panic. When the pain doesn’t come, he comes back to his senses enough to realize that Punz’s arms are still wrapped around him, shoulders shaking as he holds him close but not painfully, careful not to pull too much against the places on his ribs and back that leave him gasping with small shocks of pain, head pressed against the crook of Dream’s neck and hair tickling his face. Dream can feel his heart hammering in his chest, but as the panic dies something warm and long-neglected stirs in the middle of his chest, and he melts forward with a quiet hum. This is- nice. Really, really nice.

“What were you thinking?” Punz mutters, too quiet to really be directed at him, hands curling tighter into the folds of the hoodie - oh, he’s wearing one of those, not the same stiff, bloodstained material of the prison uniform that had chafed against his skin, another constant source of pain and discomfort of thousands in the hell that had been Pandora’s Vault - on him, and Dream doesn’t really know what to do except sit there and blink dumbly, listening to the heartbeat of the person leaning against him rumbling against his ears. It’s oddly calming, has the pressure on his chest lightening enough to take a full breath, and then another, the warmth of someone leaning against him almost too much but not enough at the same time - his eyes burn, and he ignores them.

“I-” he doesn’t really think that Punz was really asking a question, but just ignoring his question seems rude, too, and even despite the fuzzy warmth settling into his skin and into his bones from the pressure of Punz’s arms around his body and their head against his shoulder, he’s still unable to shake the anxiety of leaving a query unanswered, a constant murmur to listen obey do as you’re told or you’re going to regret it put on a damn good show or suffer the consequences remaining no matter how hard he tries to push it away. He wets his lips when his mouth feels too dry to keep speaking, eyes fluttering closed as he leans forward further, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You-” Punz cuts themselves off with a wet, incredulous-sounding laugh that has Dream jerking back despite himself, meeting their ice-cold eyes when they pull themselves back to look at him. He doesn’t really recognize the expression he wears, Dream realizes with a jolt, the way his lips are pressed together and the churning in his eyes, and his lungs seize in his chest.

“Sir-”

If anything, Punz’s expression only seems to harden, and the warmth disappears as Dream looks into their eyes - cold, two polished shards of ice, frosted over pools of water in the middle of the tundra, flinty and sharp and brilliant blue. His hands shake as he pulls them back to his chest, trembling from the chill that’s made its home in his muscles and frozen them in place - sir sorry sir please don’t hurt me im sorry please I didn’t mean to

“Fuck, Dream,” he shakes his head, and only then does Dream see the slight wobble to their bottom lip, the waver to their words like they’re struggling to keep themselves together, “why didn’t you say anything?”

What?

You almost died, you know,” he keeps going, not meeting his eyes as they direct their gaze out the window, “Several times, honestly. Fucking hell- when Techno brought you out- I didn’t think you would survive. I didn’t think anyone could survive that.”

Dream swallows. He doesn’t remember getting out, doesn’t really remember much at all if he’s being honest; there was the black of the cell, the heat of the lava, Techno promising to get him out before disappearing in a flash of purple, Quackity throwing him against the wall (Where the fuck did Techno go? You better have a fuckin’ answer, pal, if you want your death to be anything resemblin’ quick-) then nothing. Everything. His heart hammering in his chest and blood slick against his skin and the press of metal against his windpipe and pain, the only constant within it all, the only thing that made any goddamn sense when the room seemed to flip and turn and twist and his feelings knotted and frayed between anger-betrayal-distress-sadness-fear-grief, when reality swirled into a dizzying blur of colors and feelings and sounds carving themselves into the inside of his skull- then here. Dream flexes his hand experimentally, marveling at the feeling - the pain is almost gone.

He’d forgotten how it felt, really, to live and not hurt.

“Dream,” Punz calls again, voice low and worried, and Dream can’t help the way his head snaps up to meet their eyes and can’t help the flinch that twists his neck back when their frown deepens. It’d been a show, at least he tells himself, because Quackity would stop earlier if he screamed more, but- his hands tremble at his sides, twisted into the sheets of the bed, a near-constant litany of reminders and rules beating like they have a heart of their own in the back of his head. It was a show- he feels himself almost buckle, give in under the force of the stare leveled at him, and hates himself for how weak he feels, pinned under the eyes trained on his own. He’s not sure how much of a show it is anymore.

“Dream,” Punz repeats, words even softer, and the ugly feeling of shame and anger twists inside Dream’s chest again. Punz- ever unflappable, deadly with almost any weapon and never letting anyone see him as anything but deliberately apathetic - is watching him with an expression so uncharacteristically and unbearably gentle that it makes his breath catch in his throat. “You could’ve died,” he says once again, and the look that paints his face is so terribly vulnerable, feelings pouring over like a cup overfilled, bubbling forward and bleeding from every corner, and Dream- can’t. He doesn’t know what to do in the face of such stark emotion, doesn’t know how how to handle the way his eyes burn and his heart throbs like an exposed nerve, the way everything yawns wide in the middle of his chest into void and emptiness and pain so deeply carved in the space within his ribs that he half-thinks he’s been hollowed out entirely.

“But I didn’t.”

Punz pulls back, but Dream isn’t looking at him, is staring at the scarred surfaces of the backs of his hands and the knobs of his knuckles sticking out against the thinned-out skin and the yellowed nails he’s pushing against the blanket, the fourth and fifth ones of his right hand missing. They shake, no matter how long he looks at them and how hard he tries to make them stay still, and he can feel a voice whispering in the back of his mind, tone too familiar to ignore. Weak.

“I didn’t die,” he says when Punz doesn’t reply, looking at his scarred hands, weak hands, broken hands. “So it’s okay. We can keep- we can keep going.”

“Dream-” their voice is a blade scraping against an anvil, nails scraping over his ribs, his hands clamping over his ears before he’s realized he’s moved and his brain screaming at him for doing so once he realizes that he has, “-what the fuck are you talking about?”

Still, he hadn’t survived months of Quackity’s visits by bending over the second he was pushed, so he forces his tongue to move from where it’s fallen to the bottom of his mouth like lead, feels his eyes go steely even from under the way his vision has already begun to wobble.

“It’s not over yet,” he continues, trying to keep his words even, “‘cause I didn’t die, so we’re not done. I gotta- we have to reevaluate, of course,” he can’t stop, because the second he stops talking is the second he falls apart, so he ignores the way that Punz stiffens and stills and doesn’t let anything stop the flow of words spilling out of his mouth, “because the vault and the prison- um, obviously didn’t go as planned, but it’s fine. Just a minor- um, minor inconvenience. A setback- but it’s not- it’s not unsalvageable- we just have to-”

“Are you kidding me?” Punz cuts him off with a sharp laugh, disbelieving and just on the wrong side of desperate, and the air in Dream’s lungs freezes into a solid block of ice in the middle of his chest, “you- you’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Punz?”

Dream’s voice comes out small, himself shrinking back into the bed, keenly aware, suddenly, of how there is nowhere he can go to run - Punz doesn’t seem to notice that he’s spoken at all, one of his hands moving up to tug through his hair, which is - now that Dream is looking - fluffier and messier than he remembers, sticking up in all directions like they didn’t bother to smooth it down.

“You think this is fine? You think that because you didn’t fucking die, that this is all okay?” Punz’s voice rises in volume slowly, not loud enough to be a shout but enough to go hard and unyielding like a threat, and with each word every remnant of the vault comes crawling, clawing back up to the front of his head, a pounding reminder to play his role, put on a show, behave behave behave-

“Goddammit, Dream,” Punz startles him out of his own thoughts, looking straight into his eyes with their ice-blue ones, “have you seen yourself?”

Have you seen yourself? Lying down in your own goddamn filth like a fucking mutt- prime, you disgust me.

“Your ribs were basically shattered. Your legs had fractures on both sides, and your back was so fucking torn up that it looked like more blood than skin. You’ve been starved- enough for me to see every goddamn bone in your body, it feels like. Your throat was bruised to hell- I wasn’t sure if you were gonna be able to speak again, fuck, and like a day after we got here you got fucking pneumonia.” Punz’s breath hitches, “Your skin was a literal fucking oven- I thought you’d bake yourself from the inside out. You could’ve died- you should’ve died.”

You should’ve died a hell of a long time ago, pal- should’ve saved us all the fucking trouble and offed yourself like Wilbur fucking Soot.

He flinches, and this, Punz seems to notice, eyes widening a fraction before they pitch their voce lower, clearly taking a few breaths to calm down and reaching forward to take one of Dream’s hands loosely in his own, thumb smoothing over the bumps of his knuckles.

“You’re not fine,” he says after a long while, shaking his head. “Hell- I’m not fine. But we’re not doing anything like- like the vault or the prison again, dude. I told you they were shit ideas- fuck. We never should’ve done that.”

“It was worth it,” Dream butts in, because he can’t imagine a world where it wasn’t, can’t imagine a world where all of that was for nothing, “it was worth it-”

“No it fucking wasn’t, are you out of your mind?” Punz replies immediately, voice overlapping over Dream’s own, “have you listened to a single thing I’ve said? You- look at you! How was that worth it?”

Dream shakes his head stubbornly, already feeling the way his jaw is trembling around the words he forces himself to speak. “The server- it was all for the server-”

“Fuck the server!”

Punz seems startled by their own shout, drawing back at the same time Dream does, breathing ragged. He takes a few seconds to compose himself, bringing his hand to his face as Dream sits stock still, not daring to move, hardly daring to breathe.

“Fuck the fucking server, okay?” Punz says, finally, voice cracking in the middle, “You lost two damn lives for this server. You got fucking tortured for fucking months for this shitstain of a server. Just- fuck them. I’m not watching you tear yourself to fucking shreds for this- not again. I can’t sit around and watch you fucking die again, Dream, I can’t drag you out bleeding out in my fucking arms again- fuck-” Punz shakes their head, and oh. They’re crying.

“No more. Fuck the server. I’m done, Dream- we’re done with them.”

Dream blinks, so thoroughly surprised that he thinks the shock knocked him straight out of the building panic attack, leaving nothing but a slight thrumming of anxiety still simmering beneath his skin. Almost instinctually, in a motion he doesn’t really remember but still has the muscle memory for, he opens his arms- and in a similar, near-unconscious response, Punz tumbles into his arms.

He blinks, not moving his arms to curl around the other, feeling the weight of another person against his again and the sound of their breathing and relearning them both. This is- new, for both of them. Dream was never emotional, not before the prison, not that he wanted to be after it either- but Quackity always had a particular affinity for tearing him apart, shard by shard. And Punz- he’d never been like this, even back in the day, when things were easier and they didn’t bear the constant burden of netherite against their backs. They’d always been stoic, sharp, sarcastic, cool and dry in a way that chafed against Sapnap’s fire and always led to Dream laughing at them sooner or later. He sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth, feeling the heat behind his eyes finally sear too hot and boil over, tears squeezing through his closed eyes and falling down his face.

“Okay,” he says, finally, and there’s nothing easy about the acquiescence, not when he had poured blood and sweat and the better half of himself into this place, salted the earth with his tears until no more would come and nothing else would grow. He thinks that he will have more to think and more to say and more to protest come the next days, that the binds between him and his goals have been weaved too deep with the fibers of his soul for him to tear them free without sacrificing what broken pieces of himself he has left, but all he can think right now is how fucking tired he is. He remembers Techno’s voice, going through myth after myth to pass time in the prison, and thinks with something like humor and something like grief - let someone else be Atlas for a day. The sky is too heavy right now. Punz’s arms tighten around his body, enough to remind him that they’re there but not enough to press at his still-healing ribs, and he thinks that they might understand. “Okay.”

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ilikekidsshows · 4 years ago

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how much do you think Adrien and Marinette's relationship developed from season 1 to 3 ?

Very well, as a self-professed connoisseur of all things slowburn, let me go over the Adrinette development that has happened in the show up until the season three finale and educate this fandom on the subtle beauty that is the Adrinette arc. This is gonna be long, because, apparently, there's a lot of material to cover, because this relationship can fit so much development into it.

Let's go in chronological order (as far as I can tell). In 'Origins', Marinette first started becoming a stuttering mess around Adrien when he opened up to her about how he wanted to make friends, becoming infatuated with the sensitive side he showed. Meanwhile, Adrien is excited over the prospect of having made a friend.

In 'The Bubbler', Marinette only manages to get out an awkward "hey," at Adrien and Adrien mimics her, in lack of a better response. He barely seems to know her at this point.

Marinette begins her infatuation with Adrien by simply thinking about him and fantasizing about him. In 'Stormy Weather' we hear Marinette's daydream, fully fleshed out on the details of what their children should be named, but not sure what their pet should be. Adrien seems pleased to see Marinette, but doesn't seek her out, also maintaining some distance.

Then comes 'Mr. Pigeon'. Adrien finds out Marinette is into designing and is taken aback by her verbal floundering. He also didn't know Marinette's last name. When he introduces Marinette to his father, there's an awkward silence after, like he'd finished the sentence too early, because he did, he never said her last name. Adrien knew Marinette existed, and was interested to know more about her, but that's it. Meanwhile Marinette speaks complete nonsense to Adrien, unable to remember what words even are.

In 'Evillustrator' Adrien seeks Marinette out of his own volition, having the perfect conversation starter in her encounter with Cat Noir. He wants to know what she thinks of him. Meanwhile, Marinette manages to get full, coherent sentences out, but keeps saying contradicting things. Adrien responds to Marinette with a drawn out "okay," starting to learn to just go with it and, at the end of the interaction, pats Marinette's shoulder companionably as he leaves. He thinks they're familiar enough for him to touch her casually, he was just waiting for the chance because he’s so touch-starved.

'Horrificator' doesn't actually show Adrien and Marinette interacting directly outside the acting scenes, where Adrien is very receptive to having Marinette as his co-star, but Adrien gets to see Marinette at her best, helping people out and solving problems. This episode is where Adrien starts to form his opinion of Marinette as someone dependable.

In 'Animan', Adrien knows Nino likes Marinette and is fully supportive. He's convinced Marinette would be receptive to Nino just acting natural and not doing anything special, so he thinks Marinette is a kind and warm person. He has no reason to think Marinette is into him instead. Marinette fumbles around Adrien again, and this time Adrien doesn't react at all: he's used to it.

In 'Kung Food', Adrien rushed to help Marinette the instant he heard from Alya that Marinette needed help. Marinette manages to get her meaning across even as she fumbles. When they have a discussion about Marinette's uncle, Marinette doesn't stutter once, and Adrien holds Marinette's shoulders when he comforts her. They managed to keep to casual interactions during the episode because they have other things to focus on.

In 'Gamer', Adrien is very casual around Marinette, inviting himself over to practise the game and being pretty frank about his insecurity as Marinette's gaming partner. Marinette responds first in a way that devalues Adrien's feelings ("No, you're amazing, I'm bad"), but eventually gives Adrien the lucky charm as a gesture of accepting him as her partner, a gesture Adrien will treasure for several episodes to come. Also, this episode has more casual shoulder-touching from Adrien to Marinette. (Aside note: Cat Noir later mimics Tom's body language in the episode, so Marinette's parents really made a first impression that stuck.)

In 'Volpina', Marinette shields Adrien from Fu's suspicions, but does briefly entertain the thought that Adrien might be Hawk Moth. This could be part of her catastrophizing or realizing she doesn't know him well enough to know for sure. Marinette also saves Adrien from his father, for Adrien's sake, not even revealing her own involvement in the matter to get closer to him. Marinette just wanted to help him out.

'Despair Bear' has Adrien protect Marinette from making a scene and making herself look bad, something he'll do again later in 'Chameleon'. Adrien sees it as his place to interfere for Marinette's benefit in this way and he thinks about the possible repercussions Marinette might have gotten from accusing Chloé publically without evidence. Adrien also instantly gets the idea to ask Marinette to dance when she bumps into him and decides to just roll with him when Alya arranges them into the typical "slow dance" position. At the end of the episode we see the first instance of Adrien invading Marinette's personal space by leaning in to talk to her. All in all, Adrien is just very comfortable around Marinette in this episode.

'Gigantitan' is more about Marinette learning not to overthink, something she didn't entirely learn as she prefers to abort the entire mission rather than enter a scenario with Adrien she hadn't considered. But we see Adrien offering Marinette a ride home even when his bodyguard is impatient. He really wants to do a favor for her.

'Riposte' has the second attempt from Marinette to simply spend time with Adrien, after 'Gamer'. She went into a lot of effort to learn fencing on time for the try-outs. She accidentally compliments Adrien to his face, who is very grateful for the nice things Marinette said about him. Caught off guard, Marinette fumbles once more, but manages to recover. Adrien laughs in enjoyment of the occasion and Marinette shares the laugh. Adrien keeps showing how comfortable he is with touching Marinette when he tutors her. Meanwhile, Marinette is very flustered, but manages to focus on what she's doing, doing well enough for Adrien to notice.

Adrien also questions Marinette's call as the referee, not concerned with Marinette's possible negative reaction and Marinette does respond honestly, showing Adrien that he can trust her judgement. Adrien also gushes about Marinette to Kagami, when he insists that Marinette didn't deny her the point to be mean, and the affection in his glowing endorsement has Kagami immediately note that Adrien likes her a lot.

In 'Befana' Adrien admits that he always carries Marinette's lucky charm with him, which inspired him to make one for her as a gift. The episode even ends with him looking at his own charm fondly, as the narration brings up "the person giving (the gift)", signalling that Adrien is specifically thinking about Marinette, who gave him the charm.

When Adrien asks Marinette for a safe place to hide in 'Gorizilla', Marinette gets over her stuttering very quickly when she realizes Adrien is in trouble to help him. Even in the subway Marinette is able to focus on Adrien possibly getting into trouble at home instead of getting flustered again. Adrien sidesteps the concern by playing the situation down, reminding Marinette that he does, indeed, always carry the lucky charm he got from her with him. At the movies he's more upfront to her about the restrictions he's placed under and why the movie is so important to him. Also, at no point does he point out Marinette is in her PJs, even though he definitely noticed. He probably just thinks it's a Marinette Thing.

'Frozer' has Marinette go all out for Adrien's sake, not because she wants to be with him, but because she wants to see him happy. She gives him advice on how to pursue another girl and asks Luka out on a double date to be there for him. On this occasion Marinette also shows how she's not as selfish over Adrien here as she was back in 'Gamer', when she was very willing to rob Max of something he really wanted in order to spend more time with Adrien. Meanwhile, Adrien gets distracted from his actual date when he wants to make sure Marinette is okay. When Plagg accuses him of "going after Marinette", Adrien is surprised by the suggestion, and assured Plagg that Marinette is just a friend.

An interesting thing to note is that Adrien actually sounds uncertain in 'Frozer' when he calls Marinette a friend, the one time he does so (at least in the English dub). This is why, when Marinette asks him to go skating with her sometime, he does entertain the thought of it just being just the two of them (aka, a date). However, when Marinette assures him it would be a friendly outing with other people too, the moment passes, and Adrien forgets his doubts and agrees to a friend outing. Plagg put the idea in his head, and Marinette could have sealed the deal. This is another occasion where Adrien pats Marinette's shoulder.

'Troublemaker' is the episode where Marinette's self-sabotage really gets going, when she "reassures" Adrien that she'd never consider him attractive in a romantic way ever. Meanwhile, Adrien once again invades Marinette's personal space and implies he doesn't mind modeling if it's for Marinette as he invites her to a photoshoot and says he's glad to have her as one of his fans.

In 'Style Queen', Marinette is actually open with Adrien about her insecurities and Adrien reassures her, and he supports her in 'Queen Wasp'. He also says he'd be able to model for her if she made it in the business, repeating his desire to model for her specifically that he first stated in 'Troublemaker'.

In 'Reverser' Marinette panics when suddenly encountered with Adrien and having to explain what she's doing, but Adrien gets the gist of it, having learned to interpret most of the word vomit Marinette produces and astutely claims: "That's typical of you," about Marinette helping someone out and offers his assistance if she needs any.

In 'Maledictator', Adrien is brave enough to let Marinette know he disagreed with the reason she and everybody else was happy. He doesn't pretend to be fine with the "good riddance, Chloé '' party because, just as Adrien knew, Marinette doesn't judge him for being sad to see Chloé leave.

In 'Heroes' Day', Adrien admits he came to the picnic to tell Marinette just how highly he values her. He shows how much attention he pays to all the times Marinette has helped their classmates and gives the iconic line "You're our everyday Ladybug". Marinette manages to gather up her courage to kiss Adrien on the cheek in response. This is also a notable moment when Adrien opts out of the usual shoulder pat, implying the gesture is something Adrien does to cut away the physical distance between himself and Marinette, since such a thing wasn't necessary in 'Heroes' Day'. (This boy is touch-starved, guys!)

In 'Chameleon' Adrien starts trying to play mediator between Lila and Marinette but, when that didn't work out, he once again protects Marinette from making a bad call with an opponent out to wreck her reputation, but he also acknowledges that Marinette had been wronged and decided to personally support her by sitting next to her since she'd been having such a tough time that day. He just wanted to support her like a friend would.

'Backwarder' has Marinette try to take the easy route of confessing through a letter, which predictably ends up not going as planned. But, as Adrien said, he spent all weekend making sure he could help Marinette with something he thought she really needed help with. Adrien just really wants to be able to do things for Marinette.

'Weredad' gives us an interesting glimpse into how Adrien views Marinette in relation to romance, noting that he "didn't think Cat Noir was her type". He's most likely referring to Luka, since he's the only guy Adrien has seen Marinette with, and Luka is quiet, contained and thoughtful, nothing like how Adrien presents himself as Cat Noir. However, since Adrien doesn't consider himself a candidate, he does most likely consider himself more like Cat Noir than Luka, aka, not Marinette's type.

'Desperada' has one of Marinette's worst freakouts in a while. Adrien showed up suddenly, and Kagami challenged her directly by saying: "Are you here to watch your boyfriend practise?" Marinette also tries to shoehorn Adrien into every situation, be it a guitarist or superhero, possibly as a subconscious attempt to gain more control of the situation with Kagami. As Tikki said, Marinette has a troubled heart in this episode.

'Chrismaster' shows off the fact that Marinette has tons of presents prepared for Adrien in advance for different occasions. These were most likely prepared during the early stages of her infatuation, when she was admiring him from afar and fantasizing about him. Making presents "just in case" fits the fantasy model. At this point, she’s embarrassed over having done it.

In 'Startrain', Adrien immediately relaxes into sleep as well when Marinette falls asleep on his shoulder. This boy is touch-starved, guys, and Marinette's touch in particular calms and soothes him. Similarly, when Marinette wakes up in the middle of their nap, she settles right back to continue sleeping, no panic in sight.

'Stormy Weather 2' shows Adrien connecting Marinette's handwriting from the note on his homework with the valentine he got, and all of the misunderstandings together convince him he was mistaken. "She's just a friend who loves fashion," Adrien says with a downtrodden face, disappointed that Marinette couldn't care for him as more than "a friend who's also in fashion". He thinks of Marinette insisting that she'd never be into him, and of Marinette and Luka skating together, with obvious chemistry between them. And, in the end, when he says it's just someone with similar writing, he sounds wistful.

'Party Crasher' has Adrien insist Marinette is one of his guys, clearly missing her when he's hanging out with his school friends. In fact, when she does show up unexpectedly, he looks very pleased.

'Puppeteer 2' is an episode that sets up obstacles for Adrinette in addition to the misunderstandings listed in ‘Stormy Weather 2’. Marinette finds out Adrien is in love with someone else, and Adrien tries to share more parts of himself with Marinette, only for it to end very badly. Adrien has been getting braver about expressing himself to Marinette, but it's mostly been his opinions so far. In 'Puppeteer 2' Adrien tries to joke around with Marinette, only for Marinette to end up mortified and crying. This convinced Adrien that there's a part of him that Marinette won't be able to accept so he'll have to hold back with her.

Meanwhile, Marinette overcorrects because Manon, as kids are wont to do, keeps airing out all of her dirty laundry regarding Adrien, and so she convinces Adrien he's lucky she even kinda likes him. Adrien connects this with the fact that apparently his sense of humor is something that Marinette hates enough to cry over it.

The rest of season 3 stays on the course set by ‘Puppeteer 2’. Adrien still cares about Marinette immensely, even if he's convinced she doesn't like him nearly as much. He puts himself on the line to protect her from Lila in 'Ladybug', and neither he nor Kagami consider Marinette's presence on their outing third-wheeling in 'Heart Hunter'. Meanwhile, Marinette is pulling away, convinced Adrien and Kagami are the perfect match.

There you go, that's the Adrinette development, broken down step by step, during the first three seasons. As you can see, it's actually quite a lot, and some people might even notice more development tidbits.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #adrinette #lovesquare #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #ml meta #long post #popular

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fallindomino · 3 years ago

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how i would have changed s2 of hsmtmts

obvious disclaimer but im not a screenwriter or anyth so im not claiming what i want is best, this is just for fun lololol

okay so first of all nini would still have dropped out of yac but she wouldn’t have gone back to east, she would have transferred to north bc she was too ashamed to tell anyone she left at first and maybe she still wants to explore who she is away from ricky and the others

nini could join north’s batb and this way maybe we could have some playful rivalry with lily and nini and more scenes with antoine shdhdjdj also it could have been a great opportunity to flesh out lily’s character so those scenes where she reaches out to ricky and her confession at the end of the season actually make sense lol

speaking of ricky ,,, i think he should have left the play at some point hear me out. he only joined in the first place because of nini and barely wanted to do it at all once he realized he wasn’t gonna be able to perform with her. he could have joined crew and been a manager with natalie or smth considering he rlly does see the theater gang as a second family. also this would leave so much room for ej and ricky development and bants since ej joined the av club and began to pursue film. they could have some convos where idk ricky asks ej how he figured out what he wanted to do after duke didn’t work out and ricky could actually develop some interests that arent the play or nini ,,, maybe fucking art club i mean he did p good on that centerpiece for carlos’ quinceañera.

with ricky not being the beast anymore i think seb should take his place that would be soooo good. and since seb isn’t chip anymore carlos won’t make those snide comments about chip being a small unimportant role and we can just cut that whole fight bc it was dumb and bad. we could still have seb being insecure that carlos is only dating him bc there aren’t really any other gay guys at school. in a heartbeat is great and i did like ricky being supportive in the background it was kinda funny too idk dhdjdjfj

ooh i almost forgot abt rini ahshdj okay so i still think they should break up. but in my version there’s no ricky pulling an ej 1.0 and deleting comments off of nini’s insta, cause with ricky in art club and nini at north trying to figure out what she wants i think one of them would realize that they’re going in different directions and only got back tgt because they made each other feel safe cause what they had was familiar. this could be triggered by ricky mentioning smth abt nini at yac and then nini breaks down and tells him that she dropped out and is at north and doesn’t know where she’s going. and then they can both realize they aren’t good for each other rn and have a less tragic mutual break up.

honestly i really liked the scene of nini taking charge after miss jenn freaked out cause with the character detail of nini giving every person in the cast of productions she’s in a thank you note she just seems really like someone who is suited to lifting others up. this could still be explored at north, maybe she could help lily through her issues that were briefly implied in ep 11 and nini realizes she wants to be a drama teacher and encourage kids to go off book and put themselves into their acting, something she couldn’t have at yac.

okay now ej ,,, so like i said in ricky’s section, more bants between them cause i feel like friendships kinda fell by the wayside due to all the relationships so more friendship !!!! also the scene where ej tells his dad he’s not going to duke shouldn’t have been an ending scene, it should have been fleshed out with his dad pushing back saying how he pulled all these strings to get him in and ej saying he doesn’t wanna go if his own hard work couldn’t get him there. and also more scenes of ej doing av club things !!! and realizing he rlly likes film and wants to do it OMG IT WOULD BE SO COOL IF HE BROKE THE FOURTH WALL AND ASKED THE DOCUMENTARY CREW ABT THE FILM INDUSTRY god i would love that. the only scene we rlly got of ej doing film things was at the quinceañera which made me kinda sad. uhhh also i just wanted to specifically mention how ej got mr mazzara that job at cal tech bc it really showed how he wanted to be there for people not just for gina, who he had a crush on, but for mr mazzara who supported him outside of romance, so i wanna keep that for sure.

gina !!! okay so i mostly liked her arc in this season, the only changes i would make would be to flesh it out a teeny bit (god this hypothetical s2 would have to be like 22 eps at least shdjdjdjfj) anyways besides ashlyn singing home to get gina to stay i think there should be a scene where they actually talk in her room abt how gina feels safer when shes on the run (second chance reference ilysm) hhhh and also a scene of her and carlos actually working out compromises for their choreo cause i liked that bit of development too and fleshing that out would make gina an even better foil for lily, who felt a need to hog the spotlight like gina used to. with gina’s own arc fleshed out her character would feel more whole independently from romance and portwell would be even more rewarding than it is in the current s2. the only thing i would really change abt portwell is that they would kiss !!! in the finale but thats bc im biased.

ashlyn should have gotten a more fleshed out storyline about being insecure about not being a good enough belle or the typical belle. there were some throwaway lines when north did their typical dramatics but the only two real scenes that showed it were when ash talked to big red about it and when she was telling nini she wanted to do a run in “home” bc lily did it. ashlyn should get more screen time where she has to grapple with the reasons she doesn’t feel good enough and big red can still support her but also gina too bc i would like more roommate besties interaction.

kourtney could still date howie, that harry potter shit was cute but there needs to be smth else for kourtney’s arc. idk she’s still into fashion so maybe she could be out here trying to create her own line or smth? this doesn’t have to be resolved in s2 like making a wholeass line takes time and she could work on it into a potential s3. kourtney just didnt get much outside of howie and the stuff at the beginning of the season where she said nini inspired her to be independent and that's why she got a job was just dropped?? so i think that fashion could fill that for her if she’s still dating howie cause like having her whole arc just be the pizza place kinda overlaps w big red’s mini arc abt how he wasn’t settling for hospitality, its what he wants to do with his life.

ik what ur thinking. anna, even if you added more episodes, where would u find the room to add all these plotlines?? well first we cut (most of) the seblos fight, so thats some time saved. honestly most of the time that we r going to gain is going to be from cutting ms jenn’s time. things like ms jenn’s and nini’s car ride would get cut, but mostly all of ms jenn’s romances would get cut down. considering she’s the teacher and isn’t actually a character with an arc how does she have THREE love interests this season?? like all of the weird tension between her and zack can be cut, like just some short scenes of them being competitive can stay. all of the stuff with ricky’s dad can go bye bye we don’t need it. i did like her w mr mazzara so most of that can stay i just didn’t like how he said he would give up cal tech for her, ew no that would be gone.

the MENKIES !!!! this is the last thing im gonna address cause in a perfect world every character would get a long fleshed out arc but then the season would be waaay too long and also im mostly trying to work within material the show gave so this is mostly made up of “realistic” deviations from what actually happened. lol idk what that even means it just makes sense to me. but anyways!! uhhh bro idk i thought them dropping the menkies was funny but it also made the finale really BAD lmao. in this finale, seb is the beast, east still had to deal w the fact that they’re underfunded compared to north but no one is injured, lily is less of a poorly written character and maybe ppl are even rooting for her, and wow i just realized i never actually said what role i think nini should have in north’s show. OOH she could be student director instead of lily cause lily both being in the play while also directing was weird considering omg i just checked and according to her wiki page shes a FRESHMAN?? and they let her be student director? lol hell nah. okay so with all that in mind ,,, the menkies should have been the season cliffhanger instead of portwell. east and north should both be nominated, both schools perform at the menkies, and then the award winner is about to be announced and THATS when it cuts to natalie and the end of the season.

one, this actually gives more tension for a summer s3 as we would be waiting to see the consequences of whichever school won. also i bet people would be wondering if nini’s gonna be transferring back to east or staying at north. people would also prob wonder if ej would be getting the scholarship if east won and what that would mean for his interest in film.

lmao that got longggg and idk if anyone’s even gonna read this but it was fun to do :D

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otnesse · 4 years ago

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Commentary on Peace Walker’s lionization of Che Guevara

Well, guys, as I promised earlier, I’m going to do coverage on a particularly infamous aspect of Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, and quite frankly if you ask me, one of its worst elements. Sorry for the delay, didn’t realize that Peace Walker was actually released on April 29 in Japan and not the 30th. I’m basically going to cover the game’s lionization of Che Guevara in the various briefing files, and in particular Big Boss and Kazuhira Miller’s lionizing of that monster. For a bit of background, Peace Walker was the second canon PSP entry into the Metal Gear series, after Portable Ops (yes, Portable Ops is in fact canon, and if you ask me was a superior game to Peace Walker in terms of story and characterizations at least, but I digress…). The game has some controversial elements, namely it being very overtly anti-American even by its usual standards, not to mention pushing left-wing values to a far greater degree. One of these values is in the blatant promotion of Che Guevara in the briefing files (in the main story itself, ie, strictly going by the actual missions you undergo, the Che love was at least limited to the Sandinistas and to Vladimir Zadornov, with it being left ambiguous as to whether Snake and Miller actually were fond of him, and while you could argue that the Sandinistas’ sympathetic portrayal could point toward a promotion, Zadornov’s promotion was definitely meant to be a negative since he was planning on having Big Boss reenact Che’s well deserved execution after successfully changing Peace Walker’s target to Cuba in a disinformation op. The Briefing Files, however, aside from obviously Amanda and Chico, members of the Sandinistas, they also had Big Boss and Miller singing praises for that jerk.).

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My commentary is on how Big Boss and Miller’s promotion of the guy was a complete and total betrayal of their characters, and also a betrayal of the explicit themes of the game, and also how it’s just one sign of Kojima just being a hack writer, not to mention was extremely poorly done even if we were to assume Kojima intended for Big Boss and Miller to be seen as the villains.

Out of character

For the first part, I’ll cover how the gushing for Che Guevara was completely out of character for Big Boss, and especially for Kazuhira Miller, aka, Master Miller from MG2 and MGS, not just going by past entries, but even when taking into account Peace Walker itself and any supplementary materials. I’ll give separate sections for the two of them, since it’s going to be lengthy.

Big Boss

For Big Boss, I’ll acknowledge that he was meant to be the main villain in the MSX2 games, or at least the main antagonist. However, his singing praises for Che Guevara even knowing that tidbit still didn’t make any sense at all, for a variety of reasons. First off, the games, namely Metal Gear Solid 2, strongly implied that Big Boss adhered to a more, for lack of a better term, right wing outlook. For starters, the New York Mirror review for Nastasha Romanenko’s book gave brief coverage on the official reports of what went down on Shadow Moses. In particular, as you can see with the screencaps down below, they specifically called the Sons of Big Boss a “radical right-wing group”, and the group itself for all intents and purposes, was modeled after Big Boss (even Liquid, despite hating his father, nevertheless was influenced by his ideology).

And then we get into the character Solidus, who unlike Liquid, or even Solid Snake, practically idolized his “father” (I put it in quotes since Solidus is a clone of Big Boss, as are Liquid and Solid), to the extent that he was practically ecstatic that Raiden shot out his eye and made him look even MORE like his dad. Aside from that, as you can see below with these screencaps, he was also depicted as a proto-Tea Party type, heck, a proto-MAGA type even, basically wanting America to return to the way the Founding Fathers envisioned it. There’s definitely no way Solidus would have been the type to sing praises for a scumbag like Che Guevara, knowing that, and considering his idolization of Big Boss, it’s also unlikely Big Boss would have sang praises for that creep either.

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There’s also the fact that in MGS3, he wasn’t fond of Communism at all, and had already interacted with a guy similar to Che in many respects (well, other than maybe in terms of sexuality), Colonel Yevgeny Borisovitch Volgin, as both were renowned sadists, and even directly attempted to cause nuclear war. In fact, even before the torture, Big Boss, more accurately Naked Snake at that time, learned a bit about Volgin’s past, in particular his involvement in Katyn, and presumably Bykivnia and Kurapaty as well due to EVA’s references to similar massacres occurring in Western Belarus and the Ukraine, as you can see below:

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His reaction in that conversation with EVA, in particular Volgin’s personal role in executing those guys, had him downright horrified. Bear in mind that Che Guevara actually DID do several of those things himself, shot innocent and unarmed people, and if anything, unlike Volgin who at least allowed Snake to have weapons on hand to fight him, Che outright dithers when confronted with people using guns, even if they’re his own allies based on his interaction with Jorges Sotus, and to a lesser extent Jesus Carreras. It says a lot when even someone like Volgin, a psychopathic mutant, had more honor than Che Guevara. Plus, in Peace Walker, Big Boss when recalling the Cuban Missile Crisis implied that he blamed that event for his ultimately having to kill The Boss (with Miller even noting it was uncharacteristic of him to get into hypotheticals), as you can see in these screencaps below.

The reason that ties in to Che Guevara is because, believe it or not, Che is the reason why the CMC nearly caused the Cold War to become hot. He and Castro even attempted to launch nukes at the United States, and it actually spooked Khrushchev enough that he had to muzzle Che and agree to end the standoff with the United States via the Turkey Deal (or retrieving Sokolov). Knowing that bit, it’s extremely unlikely Big Boss would have been particularly fond of the guy who essentially set the ground for Operation Snake Eater and his having to kill The Boss. And that’s not even getting into how he tried to stop a nuke being launched not just once in the game, but TWICE, and the second time was a perfect opportunity for him to emulate Che Guevara and succeed where Che failed. When Paz hijacked ZEKE, she revealed that she intended to nuke the Eastern Seaboard and pin the blame on MSF under Cipher’s orders, and yet Big Boss fought her in an attempt to stop her. That definitely wouldn’t have been something Che Guevara would have done, and if anything, he bragged to the London Daily Worker that he WOULD have launched the nukes at America preemptively had they been allowed to remain.

Heck, in Portable Ops and even Peace Walker, or at least the backstory for those games, Big Boss specifically served western interests after Operation Snake Eater. In the former, Big Boss was revealed to have participated in the Mozambique War of Independence, and a comment made by Null, aka, Gray Fox, aka, Frank Jaegar, after being bested the second time around, implied that Big Boss had fought alongside the Portugese during that time (Jaegar at that time was siding with FRELIMO), as you can see from the following screencaps:

And in the tape detailing how he and Miller met (not to mention the extended version included in the Peace and Harmony Blues drama tape that was later included in the Japanese version of Ground Zeroes, specifically chapters 1 and 2), it was mentioned that Kazuhira Miller at the time was a mercenary operating with an implied communist rebel group in Colombia, while Big Boss was clearly siding with the Western-backed government.

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I think the events proper for Peace Walker was the first time Big Boss explicitly sided with Communists (not counting Portable Ops, since it’s implied the Russian soldiers renounced their Communism after being abandoned by the Soviet government), and even there, he did it more out of his own personal motives of getting closure regarding The Boss’s true motives after learning she may have somehow survived Snake Eater than out of any liking of Mena/Zadornov’s objectives.

Besides, Big Boss is former CIA, and grunt or not, he'd still need to have at least some degree of knowledge about Che, namely stuff like how Che tried to commit to the Cuban Missile Crisis and make it a hot war, among other things like his instituting gulags in Cuba. And let's not forget, when Gene in Portable Ops tried to pull a similar stunt, Big Boss was genuinely horrified by what he was planning to do.

Kazuhira Miller

Now we get to Kazuhira Miller, aka, Master McDonnell Benedict Miller. Unlike Big Boss, Miller was consistently up to that point depicted as a good guy (probably the closest he got to engaging in villainy was in MGS1 regarding manipulating Snake into arming REX, and even there, he was dead three days before the events of the game, and that had been Liquid who did so). He was also shown to be a huge Che fanboy, and if anything he was depicted as being an even bigger fanboy than Big Boss himself in that game. And Peace Walker also retconned his origins by revealing he was in fact born in Japan with bi-racial ancestry (Japanese and American Caucasian), as he originally was third-generation Japanese American. He was made clear to have more love for America than his own home country of Japan, and only recognized the meaning of peace when talking to his hospitalized mom. He also was mentioned to have been influenced to get into the mercenary business by Yukio Mishima’s suicide, though he does imply that he wasn’t on the same political spectrum as him. Him singing praises for Che Guevara doesn’t work well at all, especially considering that he repeatedly stressed that they not allow another Cuban Missile Crisis to happen, and going by his comments in these screencaps below (in the same briefing file as Big Boss’s uncharacteristically going into hypotheticals, and if anything happened immediately before then), he was fully aware about how Japan itself was almost nuked again thanks to that event (with the only difference being that the Soviets were more likely to nuke them), as you can see with the following screencaps.

Having him sing praises for Che Guevara, whom as I pointed out earlier actually attempted to launch nukes and jumpstart World War III, comes across as ESPECIALLY distasteful knowing that bit, since it comes across as him basically cheering for the guy who tried to wipe out his fellow Japanese, to say little about the Americans, whom back then, he idolized. It would be the same thing as a Holocaust survivor singing praises for Adolf Hitler after narrowly surviving being killed by him. It also doesn’t match up at all with his characterization in MG2 or even MGS1 (and believe me, Liquid posing as Miller or not, his statements to Snake would have been what Miller himself would have said since Snake didn’t seem suspicious at all about him.), the latter regarding the bit about Meryl after she was captured. Even his not being fond of Japan doesn’t cut it, especially when, ignoring that he put that to the side after his mom was hospitalized, the character Sokolov ALSO wasn’t fond of the Soviet Union at all, risked crossing the iron curtain alongside his family to get away from it, and would have been free as a bird had the CMC not happened, and almost got away again until The Boss interfered. Even THERE, however, he still retained at least some degree of love for Russia itself, as when Gene decided to try to nuke Russia (or at least, that’s what Gene led everyone to believe at the time), he secretly went against Gene and adopted the alias of Ghost to aid Big Boss specifically to prevent a nuke from being launched there, being THAT against harming Russia despite hating the Soviet policies. I would have expected Miller to not be fond of Che Guevara at all for that reason.

Overall

The whole thing also didn’t work since if they were meant to be seen as heroes, it ticks off a whole lot of players who are fully aware of some of the crap Che Guevara caused and know his true nature, and regarding painting them as a villain, the problem is that the story DOESN’T depict them as villains for that. Heck, they don’t even STATE any bad things Che did other than maybe dying, and if anything, the way everyone was talking, you’d think he’d walk on water. If Kojima wanted to depict Big Boss and Miller as villains by having him sing praises for Che, the very least he could have done was make sure to specifically reference Che Guevara’s role in nearly causing the Cold War to go Hot by the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis and his being upset at the nukes being removed.

Apparently, if Kojima’s secretary is of any indication, the reason the Che love was in the game was because Kojima himself tried to force in his socio-political views into the game in blatant disregard for the narrative and characterizations therein, as you can see below with links (screencaps will have to be in an addendum post since, unfortunately, I've hit my limit regarding screencap postings):

https://twitter.com/Kaizerkunkun/status/900937994143649792

https://twitter.com/Kaizerkunkun/status/1179860611297153038

https://twitter.com/Kaizerkunkun/status/1190763430497542144

Themes

The Che praise doesn’t work too well with the themes either, since he was not a peaceful man, even called himself the opposite of Christ, and tried to start a nuclear war. It definitely goes against the stated themes of the game, which was peace, not to mention the anti-nuke themes of the overall franchise. Heck, if anything, specifically referencing Che’s attempt at nuking the US and causing Nuclear War, and by extension outright condemning him for it would have worked much better with the themes of anti-nukes, especially considering that they made sure to reference Vasily Arkhipov’s actions during the Cuban Missile Crisis at one point, not to mention referenced both Katyn and the fact that the Turkey silos were already rendered obsolete even before the Turkey Deal made removing them required due to the advent of nuclear subs in Snake Eater earlier. And without the references to that, or any other bad stuff, you’re literally left thinking that he must be a good guy. I’d know because I fell for that myself, especially after getting the game (I didn’t follow the briefing files, but I did follow the cutscenes on YouTube back when it was still in Japan, and I also was baffled as to how people were talking about Big Boss and Miller were Che fanboys since the cutscenes never even pointed in either direction, and if anything, Big Boss nearly being killed by Zadornov would probably point to him NOT liking Che afterwards due to nearly being forced into Che’s fate).

The only thing it did was just have Kojima force in his political and social views, and I’ll be blunt, that kind of crap is something I have distaste in, I hate having propaganda pushed onto me. Ironically, Kojima or at least the Benson books for MGS1 and MGS2, instilled that view onto me. So my anger at Kojima doing that, after learning what Che was truly like in one of the Politically Incorrect Books (either Vietnam War or the 1960s one), is very much personal as well as political and social.

Aftermath

Well, as I said, I did buy into the narrative around the time Peace Walker was released, but then I learned I was being tricked by Kojima after reading the PIG books. I’d argue that event definitely was a watershed event for me. Not only did it have me lose any respect I might have had for Kojima, it also influenced my outlook on life, left me becoming distrustful the second I started picking up how they’re trying to push an agenda instead of, say, actually teaching the material in college. It also may have influenced my later views on Star Wars and Disney’s Beauty and the Beast (specifically, George Luca’s open admission to basing the Ewoks/Rebels on the Vietcong, and especially modeling the Galactic Empire after American soldiers; and Linda Woolverton admitting that she was trying to push a radical feminist agenda in Beauty and the Beast, the same one she tried to push in that awful Maleficent movie. Though I also was becoming disturbed with Belle for reasons other than that bit due to researching the French Revolution, though I will acknowledge Big Boss and Kazuhira Miller’s fanboying of Che Guevara, and in particular their reference to Sartre and his infamously singing praises for Che as “the most complete human being of the century”, certainly worsened my views on Belle, thinking that she may turn out like Sartre and throw her lot with the Jacobins and other groups.). It also left me distrusting of whatever Metal Gear had to say, may have also led to my not liking Chris Redfield after Resident Evil 5, or heck, some of the more anti-American commentary in 5 and other games, and also Dead Rising. It also influenced my decision to become a Dead or Alive fan (especially when before, I wasn’t particularly fond of the game due to the fanservice stuff), and in particular a Tina and Bass fan. May have also influenced my later distaste of Greg Berlanti’s writing of Arrowverse shows, in particular Supergirl starting with Season 2 (though that also had Heroes Redemption as a factor, which predated Peace Walker, thanks to how it changed Claire Bennet).

#peace walker #Anti-Che Guevara #Anti-Peace Walker #Anti-Hideo Kojima #Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker #Youtube

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yandere-daydreams · 4 years ago

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What about Oikawa stealing Ushiwaka’s darling. Not because he wants the darling, but because he wants to take away Ushiwaka’s whole world, same way Ushiwaka stole his in volleyball.

He seems like the type to hold on to grudges, doesn’t he? He’s so vengeful, so quick to spite, and Ushijima wouldn’t know not to show off his precious, vulnerable little Darling… It’d be a recipe for disaster, if their leash ever fell into the wrong hands.

Title: Nostalgia.

TW: Violence, Physical Abuse (Past and Present), Domestic Abuse, Mentions of Kidnapping, Implied Harassment, and Mentions of Starvation.

To be fair, you’d known Oikawa first.

Or, you’d known of him, at least. You’d been peers, teenagers who just so happened to be students at the same school with a handful of shared classes and enough small, polite interactions to warrant a shy smile on your part or the occasional use of a playful nickname, on Oikawa’s. He was a familiar face, a name that brought up a few fond memories, but you hadn’t bothered to stay in contact. You’d always thought he was too affectionate for your taste, and he thought you were too reluctant to warrant a genuine effort, not that you minded - hell, you hadn’t even thought about him after highschool. In comparison, Ushijima was a friend, a companion, a lover. Your conversations hadn’t stopped at shallow niceties, and there hadn’t been a need for polite greetings, not when his was the last face you saw before you fell asleep at night, when his were the first lips you kissed when you woke up in the morning. Oikawa had been first, but Ushijima had been yours. Even after things got bad, after things got ugly, you’d still known him, and even if you hadn’t loved him by then, you’d felt enough betrayal to be sure that you had, once. That’s not something you could say, about Oikawa.

That’s something you would never get to say, about Oikawa.

You wondered if he still thought of himself as your savior, your guardian, your protector, all the pretty, indulgent things you’d called him after he first whisked you away from Ushijima, from Japan entirely, and gave you an allowance and a room in his villa and an assurance that you’d be welcome to stay until you got back onto your feet, until Ushijima stopped looking for the partner who managed to disappear in the space between one game and another. The first had been discarded as soon as you’d tried to turn down the third, and now, the second was less a gift and more of an obligation, something you didn’t want but couldn’t turn down, not unless you wanted to see how strong a setter’s arms really were. Your last attempt to get away was still fresh in your mind, still painted over your skin in the form of dark, splotching bruises, crawling down your spine and across the backs of your arms, forcing you to pull your sleeves a little lower as the deadbolt on your door clicked into place, your door creaking open a moment later.

You didn’t have to look up to know how it was. It wasn’t like Oikawa would ever let anyone visit you, not when he was so determined to keep you to himself.

“Thinking about me, beautiful?” Even if you looked away, kept your eyes trained on your comforter and your hands curled around the stiff fabric, his voice was unignorable, throaty and low and arrogant, as impossible not to hear as his touch was to feel, the latter coming in the form of a gentle nudge to your shoulder as he walked by, dropping his gym-bag somewhere near your dresser as he always did, after he got home from a long day of drills and practice matches. He had his own room, or, he had somewhere to spend the night when you proved too temperamental to sleep next to, but he seemed to prefer yours, his possessions outnumbering your own, even in a space that was supposed to be yours. That, or he just wanted to make sure you’d never forget whose thumb you’re living under. “C’mon, don’t leave me hanging,” He added, when you stayed quiet for a beat too long, when you wasted another dear moment you could've spent worshiping the ground he walked on. “You already know what I want to hear.”

“I don’t have much to think about,” You admitted, scowling while Oikawa was too preoccupied with prying off the jacket of his track-suit to notice the small display of rebellion. “You took away my books, before you left.”

“And your consoles, and your notebooks, and all the toys and luxuries and shiny things I’ve given you, all of which you’ve never thanked me for, by the way.” This time, he bothered to turn towards you, to idly wave you over the side of the bed with a sympathetic, synthetic smile. You knew better than to disobey him so blatantly, but that didn’t stop you from flinching as he reached down, cupping your face with both hands and leaning down just enough to push a soft, fleeting kiss into the top of your head, his lips lingering against your hair as he went on. “And you know why I had to take them away, don’t you?”

You did. Oikawa tended to justify himself, whether or not you wanted to listen. “Because I tried to escape?”

“Because you tried to do something you’d regret,” He corrected, pinching your cheek. “This is a deterrent, and necessary one, to make sure you have time to reconsider what you tried to do. If you get out, you’ll go home, and if you go home, you’ll be running right into Ushiwaka’s arms. You’ll be making everything you’ve done so far pointless, you’ll be making everything I’ve done for you pointless. That doesn’t sound very fair, does it?”

“It doesn’t sound like something you should have a say in,” You retorted, unable to keep the aggression from working its way into your voice, seeping into your words like a venom you should really, really choke down. In response, he moved to pinch your cheek again, but you were quick to bat his hand away, stubborn reflex rising over common sense. You didn’t want him to touch you. You didn’t want him anywhere near you, and suddenly, that seemed more important than what might happen if you tried to force him away. “It sounds like it should be my choice, not yours, and it sounds like you’re trying to take that away from me.”

“This is why I need to take it away from you.” This time, it didn’t seem like he was trying to comfort you. It was an explanation, a fact, something you should nod and accept and believe just because it’d be a little more convenient or Oikawa, if you did. “It’s just not what you’re made for. Ushiwaka did too much damage, I can’t expect you to fend for yourself, just yet. But that’s why I’m here, alright? I just need to make sure you don’t do anything you’ll--”

“Wakatoshi used to say he was trying to take care of me,” You mumbled, pressing your curled fists against your thighs. “He said that when he broke my phone, and told my friends I didn’t want to see them anymore, and drained my savings accounts. He said it was all for my protection. He said he was trying to help me.”

“But I’m not like him,” Oikawa assured, but his voice was strained, now, forced out through gritted teeth. “I promise, everything I do, I do because I have to--”

“He said that, too. He said it a lot, when he locked me in the basement, when he waited until I was begging to be let out to bother bringing me something to eat.” You paused, letting out a dry, humorless laugh. It was that, or give in to the tears slowly building up in the corners of your eyes, just beginning to blur your vision. “It’s funny. When you first flew off the fucking handle, I kept telling myself ‘at least this one remembers to feed me’. That became ‘at least I’ll always have dinner’, and then ‘at least he doesn’t do it on purpose’. Still, Wakatoshi never hit me. He was rough, sometimes, but he never hit me. Not you, though. Wakatoshi would try to calm me down when I was upset, but when I fuck up around you, you just keep hitting me, and hitting me, and hitting--”

You should’ve been expecting it. Oikawa was terribly predictable, and you should’ve been expecting it.

And yet, that didn’t stop you from screaming as his calloused palm made contact with your cheek.

It was a righteous kind of pain, a fulfilling pain, the kind that reminded you that this was how things were, now, that things were how things always were, even if Ushijima’s violence wasn’t as easily provoked. Oikawa’s actions were all purposeful, all conscious, unforgiving and harsh and ruthless as he wrapped your hair around his fist and bent you over, forcing your face into the mattress, mercilessly ignorant to the way you writhed under his weight and struggled to breathe against sheets and material and so, so much anger, it was hard to believe he hadn’t managed to suffocate you, yet. “Ungrateful bitch,” He spat, his free hand already reaching for something to make your lesson stick, something to make your lesson hurt. “I’ll show you what he would do, if you talked to him like that. By the time I’m done, you’ll be crying for me to make you forget about that bastard.”

That was right. That was so, so much better. It always felt better, when he stopped trying to be nice, when he let himself be cruel. You didn’t enjoy it, but you were grateful for it. You cherished it.

It helped you remember why you’d always kept a safe distance between you and him, back in highschool.

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bitterlavenderwritings · 4 years ago

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lovely little thing

a/n: i haven’t written for hawks for a long time then this scenario settled in my head for some reason. what was supposed to be a drabble turned into a fic of sorts lol.

(take note that the reader acts aloof and doesn’t express herself often than most people, so if you feel like you can’t relate it’s alright for you to not read this.)

pairing/s: yan!hawks x reader

wc: 1 688

tags: kidnapping, yandere themes (obv), stalking, manipulation, implied drug use.

Any sane person would panic right now.

Waking up in an unfamiliar room should already set off alarms in your head that most people would immediately heed to. How did you get here? Were you taken by force? Where was your phone-

You moved to grasp anything, a headboard or whatever solid thing that’s closest to you. But there is nothing but silk sheets and pillows scattered around. Your eyes struggle to lift open,for some reason they feel heavier than usual. After a few blinks you open your eyes to see yourself in a huge cage-?

With shaking arms, you get up on your knees to survey your surroundings. It’s then you realize your wrists are bound with individual cuffs with long, thin chains locked in two small hooks at the very back of the cage. You give them light tugs, testing how heavy and durable they are. Despite it’s light weight, it would still be impossible for you to break them without any heavy tools.

But that wasn’t the most peculiar thing you were seeing right now, what puzzled you is the cage you were currently in.

It was huge, and had a lot of space. It wasn’t a box or any cage that resembled that of a dog’s. it was shaped like a bird’s cage, long gold thin bars encasing you in that stretched to the ceiling. It had intricate designs that made it look elegant and beautiful, something you would’ve appreciated if it weren’t for the fact that it held you captive.

You spot a small door, locked shut with a padlock that looks brand new. You give it a few shakes, rattling it a bit to test how tight it is. After a minute you give up, opting to observe everything else in hopes of finding a way out.

It’s odd how everything seems to be staged just for you. The room the cage is in is a lavish bedroom, the type you see on television. A four poster bed in the middle, a dainty dresser complete with a wide mirror on the opposite wall, and a walk in closet that seems to be closed as of the moment.

You look down at yourself, taking notice of the nightgown you’re wearing. It doesn’t seem to be one of yours, an expensive material that’s soft to the touch with pretty lace trimmings.

You feel so out of place, estranged to the unfamiliar room that speaks nothing of someone like you. You’re here for a reason, but you can’t put a finger on it.

Your inquiring thoughts were interrupted by the sound of an opening door. You stiffen in fear as you hear the door close again with the nearing footsteps of an unknown person. They take their time approaching you, light steps that seem to have a bit of a pep in them as they make their way to you.

You feel a gust of wind that billowed on your bare back, causing you to shiver for a moment. You desperately want to see them, your captor, the person responsible for your captivity. But you don’t move, choosing to stare at the blurry window that shines a glowing light to your meek frame that feels oh so small in the cage.

“Once again you’re not saying anything. Quiet as always, aren’t you baby bird?” That nickname...

Slowly, you turn behind you, eyes meeting a familiar pair of honey gold irises. He smiles, a soft curve that speaks of quiet triumph and glee. His gloved hands are grasping the bars softly, sending a message of possession and dominance.

You know him, hell, everybody does. Being a number two hero was no joke, especially for someone as young as him. His wings, a deep shade of red that spreads out at his back, flutter in light flaps as he takes his time looking at you.

He seems to be pleased, barely containing his excitement as he caresses the bars fondly. There’s a soft look in his eyes, the type a person would give to a dear lover of theirs.

But you’re not his lover, at least you think so.

There’s no mistaking the dark gleam in his eyes, something too hidden and cryptic for you to decipher. It’s sends an unpleasant feeling in your chest but you keep shut about it. Who knows what he might do if he’s displeased.

You remember how sharp and deadly those feathers can be, despite how soft and pretty they can look at first glance.

Fear settles in the pit of your stomach, but you ignore it. You had to know, why were you here and why you of all people. You only managed to utter one word.

“Why?” His eyes widens just for a tiny fraction, surprised at your newfound courage. His lips curl into a smirk, seemingly satisfied that you’re not screaming your lungs out or protesting like he’d expect any person would.

But of course you weren’t like most people, which is why he had chosen you in the first place.

“Do I really need a reason?” His smirk widens even wider at your raised eyebrow. To think you can still hold your own at a time like this, how interesting...

He reaches out through the small gaps of the cage, just wide enough for his right arm to fit and enter your rightful place. He preens at the thought, your new home, just where he is.

He holds a strand of hair in his fingers, playing with it as he looks at you endearingly. A spread of warmth fills his chest as he sees your usually blank face fluster at his touch.

“You’re mine, isn’t that easy to understand? Ever since that day I saved you, I’ve already claimed what’s rightfully mine.” Your brows furrow, taking in his words. He doesn’t hear a word of objection, but he knows you disagree despite your silence.

“Don’t you think I’m right, little birdie? I saved you from a painful death after all, that building would have crushed your frail body when that villain struck it’s concrete walls. Rescue wouldn’t have made it in time, so it was all my efforts that kept you alive and breathing ‘til this day.”

It’s then he sees it, a crack in your argument that you hold between your lips. He knows just how he can convince you to stay, and he won’t stop until you believe it completely yourself.

You’re a stubborn person, something he observed after keeping track of you ever since seeing you that day. You haven’t met him personally at the time, but he saw you first.

You looked blissfully in peace tending to your row of lilies, smiling softly to yourself unaware of the prying golden eyes of a hawk latched onto its prey.

He thought the flowers fit you perfectly, sweet innocence that blossomed beneath the loud, massive noises that dominated the crowd.

He’s kept watch of you since then, trailing behind you up in the skies where you couldn’t see him. He even went as far as to disguise himself, hiding his identity to speak a few words to you as a stranger.

He wasn’t even disappointed when you limited your interactions, choosing to utter a few words then cut off the conversation entirely. You disliked talking to people, especially strangers. So you made sure to make it obvious that you weren’t an open person anybody could just approach.

He liked that about you, something that set you apart from the rest. He thought it couldn’t get any better, but you surprised him again once more when he saved you that day.

You were grateful of course, despite your cold nature, you still had feelings and manners like any other person. But you didn’t gawk at him, or praised him endlessly like a god like his fan girls did.

You even refused when he offered to fly you home! Not wanting to abuse his generosity as you put it. You were blunt and wanted nothing more from him. He was instantly hooked.

He couldn’t possibly just let you go now, could he?

So when the time finally came, he didn’t hesitate to use your vulnerability to his advantage. You always left your windows wide open at night, preferring to sleep with the moonlight lighting up your dark room softly.

He found that habit of yours adorable, but also too dangerous. What if there was someone else like him who could reach your floor and possibly harm you? He couldn’t have that, no no. All the more reason to keep you safe and sound, he reasoned. But on his own terms.

It wasn’t that hard if he was being honest, you were already tired when you got home to begin with. So when he held the dampened cloth to your nose, your struggles weren’t that strong to budge him the slightest.

Within a few minutes you grew limp in his arms, making it easy for him to carry you up in the night sky, taking you home right where you belonged to.

Seeing you calm and collected on that cage nearly sent him to a frenzy. You sat like you belonged there, ignoring the way your eyes darted from you to him apprehensively.

“It’s okay now sweetie, I’ll take real good care of you.” He cooed as he held your face in his hands. Your skin was smooth and delicate to his touch, something he noted while admiring your beauty.

“You’ll see, sooner or later you won’t have to worry about a single thing.” He’ll make sure of it. He can already see it, you craving him as much as he does with yours. But first he has to be patient, he’s not deluded enough into thinking you won’t go down without your own defenses after all.

He’ll have to take his time breaking down each and every one of the walls you’ve built around yourself to finally lay a hand on how you truly feel. He grinned in anticipation.

You were an interesting, lovely little thing after all, and he’s gonna have so much fun with you.

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lunarfly · 3 years ago

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Hermione as Harry's Light (by Evaluna)

Hello! This is an essay written many years ago, before the release of HBP&DH. It doesn't belong to me so credits to the original writers(Evaluna, Turambar & Mad-I Moody)! It was written on the CoS forum, I'm not sure if it's still saved there but I have a word document with all of the essays. Anyways, this essay has no ship/character bashing. Again, this essay isn't written by me, but it's one of my favorites. Enjoy!

Quote by Mad-I Moody:

"1."Ron's mum's lit a fire in there [Harry's bedroom] and she's sent up sandwiches." -Hermione couldn't know that if she had immediately dashed up to Harry.

2. "Ron and Ginny say that you've been hiding from everyone since you got back from St. Mungo's." - She's obviously talked to them about this at some point between their arrival back from the hospital and her arrival at 12GP.

3. "The others have told me what you overheard last night on the Extendable Ears."

-Does this indicate that she's had time to talk to the other members of the Weasley clan? Sources point to yes!

Now, isn't it sensible to assume that, in the instances wherein Hermione talked to the Weasley family, she was, at least, thoughtful enough to ask about Mr. Weasley?

Saying Hermione came only to be with Harry cannot be true therefore, because:

1. She doesn't go to see him the MOMENT she comes through the door

2. She gets Harry right out of the sulking room and takes him into a room with Ron and Ginny, with whom she has quite obviously been talking.

3. There is no indication that she wants to be alone with Harry"

Mad-I: Disagree. Not just from a textual analysis standpoint; there we have each our own interpretation. My strongest disagreement comes from what I see as a critical ‘septology’ issue [overarching theme of all 7 books]: Harry overcoming his own internal darkness [despair, hopelessness, isolation] before able to wage and win [or overcome] the external darkness [Voldy, evil, fear, hatred and division]. See below post. IMO the Hermione as Lifeline or Light for Harry scene is representative of what Harry must confront and for what he must stand and fight:

--darkness and the battle of good over evil,

--despair [depression] and the battle of love over [here, self-] hatred,

--isolation and limitation [e.g., Harry imposes on himself a prison for his mind], and the battle of love as emanation over barriers, constraints, and perceptions

It begins with himself. And IMO it doesn’t end. But anyway, it progresses from there to encompass the world. On his own, this scene shows that Harry is vulnerable in that he needs a source of love [for himself] to sustain him; only then can Harry be a source of love [for the world] in his [upcoming and perhaps ongoing] battle with darkness. Harry needs love in this regard perhaps more than anyone else in the world, and yet he’s had very little of it, with Sirius mostly kept apart from Harry. Except for Hermione, who has always been there for Harry? With Hermione’s return, once more for Harry there is connection and hope, and the belief in unlimited horizons and potential - some would call it faith -- when with Hermione. For ship and for series, IMO, I believe that Harry’s ability to acknowledge his need for love [for me, this means for Hermione] is the first step on his path to the light.

What the scene does imply is that Hermione’s conversation with Ron and Ginny and the others’ [may include Fred and George as well] was extremely brief and in the majority focused firmly on Harry. So brief in span that the snow had not yet melted even after climbing the stairs and so focused on Harry and his situation that Hermione had the grasp on all the main details already when she first pounded on the door. This is a young woman on a *mission*. A mission to save Harry. Hermione reaches Harry and saves him from himself, from his dark side, from his own personal hell. I personally think this is one of the most critical scenes in the book for Harry and his battle for good over evil, probably the most important one. The battle is within as well as without, and Hermione is the bringer of light to balance his darkness, to bring balance to his soul AK and Earendil:[thanks for SF ref!] a soul is a universe in and of itself <kabbalah, so one could say Hermione is bringing balance to the universe, in this sense]. Some may say it is not romantic..er…well…to each. But it can certainly be argued that the light and dark imagery, in bringing light from darkness, in the balance they provide one another, in the give and take [in interactions, in providing insight [in this scene=hers/giving love to him through her actions when she comes] or providing courage [in this scene=his/accepting her love through his actions when he follows] between them are the yin and yang that represent in both religious and esoteric texts the love on many levels required for spiritual completion of the marriage of two [bodies and souls] as one, separate but together [again, see the smoky caduceus-like vision that Dumbledore views after Harry’s vision prior to their arrival at number 12, which is followed shortly thereafter by the arrival of Hermione.

With this, one can make a case for striking symbolic romantic and platonic love imagery simultaneously, as well, in terms of a soulmate love that is “complete” on an esoteric level, a bonding of body and soul, the material and spiritual. I see no inherent contradiction, probably because I’m not an ancient Greek philosopher named Aristotle. [‘What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies’. --Aristotle] The difference being that we in our day can allow for this kind of soulmate love

between a man and a woman, as well, and that we can allow love to exist on many different levels between a man and a woman, not just Eros or what the Greeks narrowly defined as romantic love. The esoteric concepts of a true bonding of souls between a man and woman did of course contain all of these forms of love, sealed with emotional, physical, and contractual public commitments intended to represent the bonding of two souls as one before God and heaven. IMO how can this scene not be important for Harry, particularly as we all know that love is critical to overcoming all that Voldy is and represents? And whatever type you feel exists them between them, IMO there is deep love. So in fact I think this can be argued strongly as a H/Hr scene. For those who disagree, nonetheless it’s all-good since a deep soul love exists regardless if it is ‘very’ platonic. This is, after all, just a hair’s breadth from ‘total consciousness’.

One more point I mentioned before that I want to bring up in context of reinforcing Hermione’s critical position as Harry’s Light, Lifeline, or Savior. Arguably, since Hermione is key to bringing Harry back from the edge [regardless of what comes later], IMO the larger symbolism is that Hermione is “the one” who will always save Harry from his greatest enemy - himself, his dark side. After that, and only after that, can Harry save the world. She will help him choose light [represented by…Hermione] over darkness [his own despair and hopelessness, his feelings of being unclean and unworthy]. Even I can see some traditional religious symbolism here, but there’s much esoteric symbolism as well. Nonetheless, Ron’s gift of…what, frankincense and myth? Is that why the perfume smelled unusual?... Ron’s gift only seemed to highlight his deeper, intuitive understanding [at some level] of Hermione’s fundamental importance to Harry. Yin and Yang. Inexorably intertwined - just thought I’d throw that in here as well! And for what purpose would Ron is shown as gifting her with such symbolic honor if not to perhaps choose to give his life for hers, thereby saving Harry’s light and thus saving them all. Particularly, if Ron betrays or obstructs Harry and Hermione [this may happen if Ron is rejected by Hermione or “loses” her to Harry, per 6th step scene, falling away from the path to Hermione's door], then Ron may sacrifice himself [from betrayal guilt] to save Harry and/or Hermione [same scene, where Ron falls at Harry's feet] thus restoring his character and his legacy in addition to doing his critical bit to save Hermione &/or Harry [=the world].

(Turambar) I agree that the Christmas scene is one of the most significant in the book.

Just on what you said about the light/dark: it's interesting that JKR accentuates the extremities in various ways to bring out that contrast.

She uses biblical language - appropriate considering the timing - such as "unclean" and "possession" to describe Harry's self-disgust. His feelings of being unfit to be in the company of others brings another biblical image of the leper.

He completely isolates himself for a period rather than just behaves in a moody/angry fashion in company. He's "starving", cold.

Hermione is not mentioned at all from the time of the dream to her knocking on his door - an obvious device to enhance the surprise and impact of her arrival.

There's the imagery of evil (snake) and love (hippogriff) and as I've said before that suspicious dream occurs just when Harry is at his lowest ebb.

I agree with what FP said: the sequence shows the limitations of his relationship with the Weasleys and Sirius and conversely the growing significance to him of Hermione.

Both times he's considered running away when in a depressed state - here and before the First Task - the option has been to run to the barren, loveless Dursleys. To the house that's not a home and the family that isn't a family (to him). Both times he's got through the bad patch with a bit of help from Hermione.

#harry potter #harmione #harmony #harry and hermione #harry potter ships #hermione granger #hp ships #harry x hermione #harry/hermione #hermione and harry #hermione x harry #hermione/harry #harry potter series #harry potter books #hp #hhr #harry potter essay #harmione essay

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harcourtholmesii · 4 years ago

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An Officer’s Loyalty (Part 5)

Pairings: Medic X Reader

Words: 1824

Warnings:

- Swearing

- Drugging and Referenced Drugging

- Mentions of Gore

- Mentions and Implied Abuse

Enjoy!

‘You’re welcome to join us.’

Your gaze remained on the eyes hidden behind welding goggles. The Engineer held a small smile as he offered you such a strange opportunity. He seemed smaller when he spoke, almost sheepish; it was strange to find that there was one man among RED team shorter than yourself.

The man’s appearance, though still unnerving, was a welcome change from the poking and prodding of the base’s resident doctor, and one, scrawny Scout attempting to peer in on the new ‘recruit’. The Texan had been kind enough to fix your door, replacing it with something far sturdier; it granted you a little privacy despite the constant visits you received from Medic. In a way, the Engineer seemed the only one to be more welcoming and less… whatever Heavy, Medic and Scout were.

Since you had been drugged, or rather tranquilised, time had flown by. You had been unable to keep up with the hours that passed you by, save for the occasional meal brought in. Simple foods with little taste, potentially avoiding the chance you might not be able to keep it all down.

Heavy was always the one bringing in the meals for you to eat; he always did so alongside one of the doctor’s visits. He never spoke much, but he did talk with Medic, reminding him you needed food before he ‘sedated’ you again, and exchanging some short, but friendly conversations with the man. It was a strange appearance, looking up at the bear of a man, and not having him gun you down on the spot. He was always intimidating, but he never went out of his way to scare you.

Scout was, by comparison, an annoyance. He hovered about the room, like a little kid, when Medic visited. He would peer in at whatever was occurring and stare. He seemed just as astounded as you, if not more so, that you were joining RED. Considering he hadn’t attacked you that evening after your surgery, you could only assume someone had told him beforehand. You seriously doubted that he would have worked it out for himself.

Since that evening, your head had begun to clear, and the entirety of your situation had come back to you. Thanks, in no small part, to Medic’s rambling. Apart from Heavy’s almost indifference, and Scout’s curiosity, Medic was a strange case.

On one hand, he was the ‘Medic’ for a reason. He came into your new room, tested your breathing and reapplied bandages, all the while reminding you of your agreement and what to expect at RED base. You were at least a little thankful that he reminded you of everything that had happened after your last fight on opposite sides. It helped to clear up the memories in your head and regain your senses when you awoke.

On the other hand, the Medic caused you a great deal of discomfort. You were never quite sure what was going on in his head, and what he may have been keeping from you; intentionally or otherwise. He would turn serious, or start laughing wildly, or offering you a genuine smile or kinder words. Through it all, you felt confused.

It wasn’t just his actions that confused you.

You had started to notice that you appreciated his constant talking, not necessarily registering what he said, but just how he spoke. His excitement, which tended to cause him to slip into his mother tongue, and cause his voice to reach a higher pitch. And then when he spoke to you slower, less excitable but still kind, his voice seemed richer. He was tender with his words, and his voice was slightly deeper. It was unusual.

You didn’t like how observant you were becoming of the German doctor.

Certainly, having all the information you needed in case you were betrayed might have been in your best interest, but you knew your notice was not because you were gathering information in a self-preservation sense. Instead, you were lulled to almost relax in the man’s presence, unable to help but stare.

You told yourself at first that the reason you stared was because of how weird it all was.

You couldn’t lie to yourself for long, and you started recognising that your cheeks heated up when he complimented how your lungs sounded, or how your heart had looked when he had been holding it. It shouldn’t have been something flattering, in fact, you should have felt scared or sick by his strange comments. Though you felt a little uncomfortable and a bit disturbed, you still hung onto every word he said; a little more each time he spoke.

Which led you to your current situation.

You had been astounded, perhaps even a little disappointed, when it had been Engineer that had knocked on your door. You didn’t smile at him when Engineer first entered. You were rather frustrated that you had been forced to accommodate so many people in your private quarters the past two nights. So many visits, unwelcome or otherwise, had left you feeling ragged and worn out.

‘Sorry to disturb, but the doc’s gon’ and told us you should be right to move, and I thought you might like to get out of the room. Considerin’ what’s happened, I was wonderin’ if you’d like to come to dinner?’

Your stomach gurgled painfully at the thought of eating something other than a light soup and some toast. You clutched at it; you could still feel the raw edges of the incision, healed slowly over time by the medigun. Not entirely fixed, but at least you didn’t feel like your chest was about to burst.

‘M-Maybe.’ He smiled. ‘Who will be there?’ You tried to shake away the thoughts that there was one mercenary you were looking forward to seeing.

‘Uh, well, everyone. I’ll be the one cookin’ though, so no need to worry. It’s gon’ be a traditional Texan barbecue. Some brisket, ribs and sausages. We need to get some meat on those bones.’ He said, gesturing to how your body, though sustained, had lost a little weight from the past couple of days.

The thought of smoked meat was a delightful one, but the thought of everyone being present was another matter entirely. You were comfortable enough around the Texan, Heavy, Scout and even Medic, but the others were another matter. You didn’t want to seem afraid as you spoke, but even as you asked your question, you felt your voice quake.

‘A-And Spy?’

Engineer removed his hard hat, revealing his scalp as he rubbed rather sheepishly at the back of his head. He seemed uncomfortable. It wasn’t a secret that you despised the man.

‘He’ll be there. It is a team dinner after all.’ You felt cold. The idea of having to interact with Spy scared you more than the idea of meeting the rest of the team for the first time. You had yet to see or speak to the Sniper, Soldier, Demo-Man and Pyro since you arrived, but none of them scared you as much as the Frenchman.

‘And you’re part o’ the team now.’ He reached out, resting a large hand against your shoulder. You tensed at the new sensation, expecting a bruising grip or something akin to pain to blossom under his hand. Instead, you felt nothing more than a warmth spread, and a comfort as he didn’t so much as squeeze.

‘I…’ You were still reeling from the turmoil your body felt. ‘I don’t know if I will be welcome.’

His hand slipped from his shoulder, but Engineer just offered you another smile. Almost jokingly, he bowed, hard hat pressed to his chest, as if like a gentleman. He returned it to his head.

‘You’re welcome to join us.’ He stepped away from the door, offering you a wave of the hand as he moved away. ‘Whenever you like, there’ll be a place for you.’

You watched him leave, shifting from foot to foot in agitation. You did not want to remain cooped up in your new room, but you were not sure you could stand to be in the same room as Spy. The last thing you wanted to do was embarrass yourself, or give the team a reason to believe you were a threat to them.

You felt over where the Engineer had rested his hand, feeling for a bruise that he might have left, but felt nothing. It astounded you that any of these mercenaries could touch you and not cause pain. Unlike BLU team, who seemed unable to express themselves without violence off the battle field, RED had proven to you that it was possible.

You had no idea how long you had stood there contemplating whether to head upstairs and to dinner or not, but it was long enough that the smell of grilled pork and sausages had all but leeched down the hall and to your person. Your stomach rumbled once more, and you felt yourself stepping forward, almost unaware that you were moving.

You were thankful for the RED shirt you had been given, something large enough that you could wrap it tighter around your body for warmth. The material was thick enough to keep the cold of the basement at bay and, even better, it hid the white wrappings across your chest. Your ruined BLU uniform had been thrown out after the first night, sometime whilst you were drugged. You had felt exposed when you had realised it, highly aware that you were permanently a part of RED, and unable to collect your belongings from BLU base. Though, perhaps leaving it all behind was a good thing; nothing more to tie you down with those dickheads in BLU base.

You approached the stairwell, the strong smell of a barbecue and the cacophony of voices alerting you to the presence of a crowded dinner table. You felt your body tremble, and for a moment, you thought about returning to your room, tail between your legs.

You pressed on, mentally pushing yourself forward. Your legs felt weighed down and despite the fact you were ascending out of the basement and out of the cold, you felt colder still as you crossed the threshold of the final step. Just behind the wall to the kitchen, you could hear the scrape of cutlery and the sizzle of the barbecue; conversations ranging from gloating about RED’s last win and the new weapon catalogue Mann Co. had released helped to put you at some ease.

You stood there for a time, unsure if you could, or even should, approach.

‘You gonna move?’

Long after this dinner, you would deny that you had screamed. You would deny that you leapt nearly three feet in the air. You would deny that you hadn’t heard the Australian approach, and simply the exertion of climbing the stairs had put a strain on your injuries.

You were lying, of course.

#fanfiction #fanfic #TF2 #Team Fortress 2 #Engineer #Medic #Scout #Heavy #Sniper #Medic X Reader #Canon X Reader #HarcourtHolmesII

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shyrose57 · 3 years ago

Note

Brothers anon, sorry this keeps taking me a while to send, been very busy lately.

He only had a hunch at first he was his ancestor but later talking with Karl confirmed it. I have yet to decide, I think he probably will just so I can focus more on the current events and not his past.

He solely relys on his instincts when around other endermen. Although when around Ran he relys more on his social interaction skills. Though he still does certain things (like no eye contact, he leaves two blocks for Ran as a show of care and harmlessness, and sometimes warbling at Ran) due to his instincts. For other enderman it generally works out well, they mostly leave Ranboo alone anyway. But for Ran, he doesn't care much.

He is aware of Enderwalk Ranboo, mostly cause Phil warned him about it. His interactions with Enderwalk Ranboo are mostly Enderwalk Ranboo entering his room and trying to get close to Ran only for Ran to really full heartily growl and lash out at him when he gets close. Then Enderwalk Ranboo whines and leaves. Ranboo is hesitant but welcoming and open to Ran all the time, mostly because holy shit its another enderman hybrid, he thought he was the only one! And Ranboo can tell the two share a bit of similarities but mostly just thinks its because there both enderman hybrids.

Karl manages to convince the Artic Commute to leave the two alone and once they leave starts to question Ran. Only to pretty often get cut off by him asking a retaliation question. Ran is angry and desperately wants to know everything, Karl is scared and wants to know everything Ran knows. So they eventually come to a agreement where Karl asks a question, Ran answers then he asks a question and Karl answers that. After a while of this they come to an agreement to wait til Ran is fully healed to start to find a way to get him back. And in the meantime Karl'll explain his timetravel stuff and how Ran got here, hoping to get the Commute to agree to help them find a way to get Ran home.

A mix of annoyed, angry, relieved, and homesick (cause Tubbo reminds him of Jackie). Bit of both, he wants to know whats going on and where Ran came from, but is also just curious about the other hybrid. Tubbo heads to the Artic cause Ranboo hasn't been over at all in weeks, keeps saying he's to busy and how something interesting happened at the Artic. So Tubbo gets tired of it and decides to head over to find out whats keeping Ranboo from visiting. Ye medic Eret, I was originally thinking of medic Bad but I think I may try to include the Egg in this somewhere so he's not a option. They have a mutual relationship, no one there really has a reason to dislike him or to heavily like him, but they all get along whenever they meet. Eret learns by Phil contacting him for help, cause while Techno and Phil both know some health knowledge they don't know enough to properly treat Ran and make the call to call in Eret to help, both trusting them enough to keep this secret between all of them. Karl learns because of Eret actually, Eret comes to Karl for help to see if he has any enderman biology books and half handly mention how a enderman needs help, leading to Karl asking if its Ranboo or Edward, the no he gets in response alarms him enough to back Eret into a corner and force him to tell him who was there that needed help. All Eret said was a dark enderman with green eyes, which reminds Karl of Ran and gets him panicked enough to go see if its him. Tubbo knows cause he gets impatient of waiting for Ranboo to vist so he vists with no warning, leading to him meeting Ran while looking for Ranboo. Its kept hush hush cause their all unsure of how the rest of the SMP would react to having Ran there, especially when it's revealed he's from the future.

He did. He's not having fun. Karl used too but not anymore since he's time travled so much he's gotten used to it.

Partially, he understands all common though is only able to speak a medium amount, mostly due to his mouth and vocal cords are just unable to make some words or sounds needed to speak it. When that happens they basically play charades. He is still Technos roommate and is happily helping Ranboo in anyway he can.

------------------------

They steal anything they can get their grubby hands on. It actually goes pretty well as well shockingly. They mostly steal anything that looks expensive, though they manage to find a bunch of raw material like gold, iron, and even diamonds and steal all of that. And they get far enough no one can find them at first.

Thats exactly what happened, they make eye contact, hear a ruckus from nearby, make eye contact again, then fucking book it away from the sounds.

The most trouble the group makes is when Grievous makes fun of Porkums hat and gets punched for it.

Honestly with all the wars and battles that go on in the SMP he probably doesn't even bat a eye, its probably normal for him.

First thing Jackie does is complain about everyone being taller than him. I imagine Pogtopia being abandoned for years hasn't left it in a very stable state. So Jackie just steps in the wrong place and gets sent tumbling down, with rocks falling after trapping him.

All happened after they met Karl, but all happened at different times. So for example, the Wild West where thrown back 3 years after meeting Karl. While for the Haunted Mansion crew, they where thrown back months after meeting Karl. Even though they've all met him before their reactions are slightly different depending on how long ago they met Karl. Again for example Sherman and Jon Jon greeted Karl like a old friend and were happy to see him again. While all of the Haunted Mansion crew greeted Karl with questions as they more recently saw him so didn't feel the need to say hello. Cause Isaac and Karl are both in Kinoko Kingdom, where Karl holds all of his books about the time travel journeys, Karl is able to bring Isaac to the books and show him the City of Mizu Book, along with the others that explain who they people he was with where. Plus Isaac just doesnt really have a reason to not believe Karl as he has never lied to him or anything.

Im guessing you mean after the search party is formed, then its actually Ran found first since he's so close. Karl has to try to convince Ran to join them so they can count him as found and then take him to a holding type area. Ran refuses at first and Karl gives him a ultimatum that he either goes with them and gets to go home or stays here forever. He eventually agrees to come with if he gets to search with them, and reluctantly Karl agrees. Karl does what any of the Tales people joining them on their search, but much to his dismay more people insist on joining them. Ran also actually has information on the Bandits but refuses to give it until they find Jackie, cause he has a bad feeling that something happened to him. Ran actually has his left hand bandaged cause a massive piece of glass went through his hand. Jackie will eventually get his arm in a sling due to a broken bone. Ranbulter and James suffer hypothermia and have to be taken care of by Bad (the Egg doesn't exist in this au). Zack slips trying to get away from the Bandits and twists his ankle. Sherman breaks a finger trying to get out of the ravine. And Benjamin gets a slash on his leg after trying to run from Drowned and getting grazed by the trident. Both sides goals are getting back home. Though it's harder for the Tales cause not all of them get along. Karl gets worn down over time and slowly becomes more distressed and hopeless about getting them home. And all the stress builds up til he just snaps and sadly, quite a few people are in the line of fire when he snaps.

From Future To Past AU:

What led to him suspecting Ranboo to be his ancestor?

Do certain blocks have certain meanings, then? For Endermen?

Enderboo sounds very sad and put-out. How is he generally in this AU, seeing as Phil's aware of his existence at the least? How does Ran feel about his visits, and what are his thoughts on when it happens? Are Ender hybrids rare in general, if he's so surprised to see another one?

How'd Karl convince him? How do the two currently view each other, and what were their previous interactions beforehand, if Ran's reaction to him was so upset, and Karl was spooked? How do they get along after?

How does the rest of the Arctic react to Tubbo's presence, and how do our two Endermen feel about the possible tension-considering Ranboo's closeness to Tubbo, and Ran being reminded of Jackie. What are you thinking, egg-wise? Why does Eret go to Karl for books? Is his library well-known?

So Karl could possibly help Ran out with the effects? Or is at least aware of them? Or no?

Charades with them all sounds like so much fun, honestly. Can you imagine it?? And good! We need more Edward around!

---------------------

Tip Of The Iceberg AU:

Good for them. Do they end up having to return the stuff later, or no?How does it go when Las Nevadas realizes who the thieves are?

Common sense isn't dead! Huzzah! Absolutely hilarious image though.

Good for Porkums, honestly.

That is also true! And really funny image, once again. Eret's just like- 'ah, my window, mysteriously broken. Again. Absolutely shocking. Whatever will I do.' Completely deadpan while they pull out supplies from a chest kept nearby for this exact thing.

Everyone else: Where are we? Are we in danger? What happened?

Jackie: How dare you all be taller than me.

That's not good though. How do they and the others react to that?

Have certain events of the Tales been altered then? Seeing as some of them would be dead otherwise? Or were they revived when they were thrown back in time?

How do all the Smp members react to these random people who popped up seeming to know Karl? 'never lied to him' implies Issac knows Karl a bit more beyond just meeting him now, so what's with that? Is he just naturally trusting of him, or do they know each other?

How does that first interaction go, not just between Karl and Ran, but with the others with them? What information does he have on the bandits, and how did he get it? Similar past as before, seeing as Jackie remains so important to him?

Poor Tales. None of them are having fun, huh? Where are they all housed after this, and what are relationships like as of now? Do the groups stick together from era, or with whoever they just get along with best? How do they interact with certain Smp members?

And what happens both during and in the aftermath of Karl snapping?

#dream smp #dream smp au #tales from the smp #karl jacobs #ranboo #Tip Of The Iceberg AU #From Future To Past AU

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melancholydreadfuldream · 5 years ago

Text

broken melody, lullaby of pain

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: 12th Doctor x Reader & 13th Doctor x Reader

Summary: The Doctor thought you died along with everyone and yet here you are under the clutch of the Master.

Warning: ooc, angst, obsession, mention of mental abuse, plot holes as usual, etc.

After saying goodbye with her fam, the Doctor made her way toward the matrix chamber where the deranged Master and his CyberMaster are, bringing with her the weapon of destruction that she intend to use on them and herself in the process.

She thought of the telepathy she shared earlier with the Master and how he said he has one last surprise for her. Knowing him, she need to be on guard because it will definitely be unpleasant.

But she never thought that the surprise he mentioned would be...you.

As she entered the hall where she supposed to meet the Master, she saw a young woman standing alone in the middle of the room. She felt like she was punched in the gut when the woman turned around and revealed herself.

"(name)?" She called out hesitantly.

You didn't reply at first. You look terrified. Your eyes are glassy as you glanced at the Doctor.

The Doctor blinked her eyes a few times as if trying to make sure what she saw is not a figment of her imagination. Though if it is, she has no idea why it would show her you. She raised her hand as if wanting to reach out to you.

You took a step back away from her, making her confused. You looked almost afraid of her.

"(name), it is me, the Doctor...." She said softly in placating manner as if you are an injured animal need extra handling.

You shook your head as tears fell down your cheek. "I didn't know where you were. She was the only one there. I didn't know what to do...so I just did what he told me." You said in a hoarse and trembling voice.

The Doctor is confused, trying to make sense what you are saying before she realized that you are talking about Missy back in the mondas ship. Her mouth dropped open in horror at what you are implying.

7777

You first met the Doctor when he was in his eleventh incarnation. You are Clara's best friend. Clara had told you about the Doctor when you accidentally got involved in an incident with alien.

The Doctor took you on a trip to show off time travel. You were awed by the Tardis and the weirdly energetic Time Lord.

As the Doctor invited you to stay for a few more trips, you quickly realized that both the Doctor and Clara addicted to danger and excitement. You weren't like them. The trips started with fun and safe and then quickly turned into lot of running and try not to get killed at. It wasn't your cup of tea. You love the part where you see wonder but you dislikes the next part.

You didn't stay full time on Tardis, prefering to stay on Earth where life is boring but safe. You couldn't keep up with the glee of the unknown trouble that the Doctor and Clara shared. And you were fine with it.

Once in a while though, Clara did convince you to take some time off and travel with them for one trip to a special place that she knew you would have love to be part of or when you are feeling burnt out with your daily life, you would phone Clara and asked her to come pick you up.

You got along quite well with the Doctor. He was a funny man and he likes you enough to let you join him and Clara for trips to see the wonder of universe.

You felt like third wheel though whenever those two started their flirting-not-flirting thing. You asked Clara about it and she admitted that she fancy him but she was unsure how to go about it. The man is practically an immortal alien and she is just a human.

You found out about Clara's echoes eventually and she had explained that she splintered herself to save the Doctor by jumping into his timestream.

You weren't there when the Doctor regenerated. But when you did finally met the new Doctor, you know you are in trouble because his new appearance caught your fancy. You always have a thing, a weakness for older gentleman and the new Doctor could almost pass for one if one could ignore or manage his rudeness.

Oh and Clara know all about your little crush on the Doctor and teases you mercilessly. You were not pleased especially considering that your best friend has dibs on the Doctor first.

To your surprise, Clara give you the go ahead to try and woo the Doctor, not that you would. He is an immortal alien, remember? Same issue still applied in this case. But you were surprised with Clara's revelation about how the new Doctor has basically sit her down and said he was not her boyfriend. Ouch. That made you more determined to never acted on your stupid crush.

It was awkward at first trying to interact with the new Doctor as you were so used with chin boy, Clara's nickname for Eleventh Doctor. But with a few more meeting, you would eventually grew fond of him. You didn't know what he think of you but he might be tolerating you for Clara. You thought you were in your best behavior around him. You never flirted with him or provoke him.

Clara is truly his best mate, able to keep him on his toes, rein him in when he deliberately being cruel. As much as you have a bad crush on him, you couldn't handle his rudeness.

Clara eventually dated a man called Danny Pink. When the Doctor found out, he was livid. He materialized Tardis in your living room and proceed to complain about it to you of all people.

You tried to calm him down and convinced him that if he care for Clara, he should be happy for her.

Then come the fight. Clara told you about what happened with the moon and how the Doctor abandoned her alone. You were helpless to try to console her as she made a decision that she was done with the Doctor.

Of course, not long after Clara left, the Doctor came to you, babbling about how he didn't understand what he did wrong to Clara and so you set him straight. He was genuinely afraid now that his impossible girl will truly left him. So you suggested one last hurrah between them in hope in that one trip they could find a common ground again.

Later on, Clara remained with the Doctor, apparently they have made up nice. You were glad for them.

7777

Clara is inconsolable. Her boyfriend died. She was mostly numb. You tried to comfort her but she mostly ignored you.

Desperate, you turned to the Doctor for help eventhough you know he is socially awkward. But Clara is also his best friend so you demanded that he did something for her to help her.

"What she need is time and space to mourn." The Doctor said.

"But I'm worried for her. She is not eating or sleeping well. She is not grieving properly."

"There is a proper way of grieving?" He raised impressive eyebrows at you mockingly.

You rolled your eyes. "You know what I meant."

It was then he received a call from Clara which make you panicked as if you are receiving a phone call from a crush much to the Doctor's amusement.

You glared at him and told him to drop you home before he goes to Clara.

"What happened to comforting her together?"

"You are her thing."

The Doctor look insulted. "I'm not her thing!"

You almost laughed at how insulted he look like. "I just meant you and her are...have this bond, you know, special one...and this trips on the Tardis are always yours and hers. And she obviously need you more than she need me. So..."

The Doctor looked uncomfortable, probably has no idea what to say to you so he dropped you home without more fuss.

Next thing you know there were red alerts as citizens are told to stay at home away from the street. From the news, you realized Earth is invaded by alien...again. You recognized the cybermen. You are worried for the Doctor and Clara.

You were relieved when the day after Clara contacted you, apologizing for not keep in touch with you. She told you the Doctor has gone, returned back to Gallifrey, his home planet.

As months passed with Clara withdrawn and depressed, you contacted the Doctor, leave a voicemail telling him that Clara need him and that she still didn't cope well with the loss of Danny.

You didn't receive any reply. But a week later, the Doctor suddenly show up during your date night with an older gentleman that is your type and the Doctor made a mess of the date. You were furious with him.

"What do you mean that Clara didn't cope well with the loss of PE? Danny is back, isn't he? Clara told me so!" The Doctor approached the table where you sat with your date without any greeting and started babbling urgently.

"Doctor? What are you doing here?" You hissed furiously. "Danny is dead, remember?"

The Doctor started talking really fast at you before stopped and noticing your date. He then ruined it by asking if the man is your father. You really wanted to drop your head on the table right at that moment.

Uncomfortable with the Doctor, your date politely asked if they can reshedule their date in another time but you know he wouldn't ever call you back now. The date is going well too and now thanks to the Doctor, it is now ruined. At least, your date still paid for dinner despite your insistent to let you pay everything. You apologized to him and watched him left with a sigh before glaring at the Doctor.

The Doctor shrugged innocently and grinned sheepishly at you.

You sighed in resignation and led him back into his Tardis where you both talked about Clara. The Doctor admitted of lying about Gallifrey.

You rolled your eyes at him. "You are both idiot. It is obvious you miss each other. Don't be stubborn and go to her, Doctor, tell her the truth, tell her you know Danny is not back."

The Doctor said he will think about it. He seemed to think Clara is better without him. You wanted to slap him so much for his stupidity.

Eventually you learned that Clara is back traveling on the Tardis with the Doctor. According to them, santa claus made them do it.

7777

The Doctor now dressed like a rock star and he show off his ability to play electric guitar to you and Clara.

He was kinder now, less rude. He no longer complained too much whenever Clara or you hug him. One might say he is a bit affectionate toward the both of you.

You still refused to be his full time companion like Clara. You would take a trip or two for every two weeks or whenever you felt like you need a time out.

The Doctor is currently at the console, playing a tune on his guitar while talking about some sci-fi stuff that completely beyond your understanding.

You stared at him with fondness.

Clara noticed it and teased you about it later on. She asked whether you need her help to woo the Doctor to which you replied you are not the Doctor's type. She is. Which promptly shut her up.

During one of the trip, you noticed how careless Clara is and you talked to the Doctor about it but he brush you off, telling you that he won't let anything bad happen to Clara...or you, he added as afterthought.

You were touched that he care about you enough and said so to him to which he replied that he consider you as friend too. You were so happy that you hugged him and kissed his cheek.

He stared at you blankly as he touches his cheek.

You giggled as you suddenly felt bold enough to actually start flirting with him. But later on, you felt like you wanted to crawl under a rock for being insane enough to do that especially since he didn't seem to know how to deal with your affection.

Clara laughed at you when you told her about it much to your dismay.

7777

Clara is dead. You got a phone call from Clara's father. Her body is found on a street. They had no idea what is the cause of death. From Rigsy, you found out the truth.

You were unable to cope with her death and you wished to talk to the Doctor but you couldn't even contact him. According to Rigsy, the Doctor was taken to somewhere else, presumably by an enemy of the Doctor.

You are worried for the Doctor but there is nothing you can do about it. You contacted UNIT and spoke to Kate but even she has no clue what is going on.

There is nothing you can do but to help with Clara's funeral. You tried to be brave for Clara's family. After the funeral, when you are finally alone and realizing the loss of Clara, you broke down crying.

You now understood how Clara felt when she lost Danny. You just wanted to be left alone, not wanting to do anything at all.

Then, Clara reappeared in front of you in a waitress uniform from a Tardis that resembles a dinner. She was there to say goodbye and to tell you to take it easy when next you met the Doctor. She told you the Doctor has no memory of herself now.

You wonder if the Doctor would even bother to come for you as the one connecting you to him is always Clara.

"He considered you as a friend too, you know. He likes you. Not many people can says that." Clara reassured you. She made you promise to help the Doctor eventhough you have no idea what you could possibly offer the Doctor. You are not her.

"If he comes for me, I promise I will help him to the best of my ability." You made that promise, fully aware that the Doctor is unlikely to come for you despite his words before about considering you as a friend. He didn't strike you as the type who keep a regular contact with those he called friends unless they were his current companion.

You and Clara had a teary goodbye and you watched her Tardis vanished before your eyes. You never saw her again.

As you predicted, the Doctor never come for you. You weren't surprised but it still hurts you. You tried not to take it personally. You tried to move on with your life.

7777

It was merely an accident that you met the Doctor again. You were accompanying your slightly younger cousin to check out St. Luke's University. Your cousin is thinking to apply to that university.

It was there you overheard a bunch of students talking about their eccentric teacher, the one called the Doctor.

Curious but also dreading to meet him, you decided to look for him. And you did find him.

He was playing his electric guitar at his posh office. You saw his blue box on the corner of the room.

He glanced at your arrival. He didn't seem to recognize you at first.

You slapped him. You didn't meant to but when you saw his indifferent face, you kind of loses it.

He was taken aback by the sudden assault but before he could say a word, you slapped him again and then hit his chest repeatedly with your fists as you yelled and cursed at him.

He gripped both of your hands to stop the assault on his person. His eyes softened as he whispered your name. He apologized to you as you broke down crying in his arms.

"It has been 2 years, you bastard! You left me behind without any explanation for what happened to Clara! You promised me she will be safe even after I told you she was reckless! And then she died and you don't even have the courtesy to show up and explain everything! I had to heard it all from Rigsy!" You yelled at him.

"I know." He looked remorseful but you are still so mad at him.

"I know that you no longer have any memory of Clara but surely you remember me? You said you considered me as friend but you abandoned me! Friends don't do that, you jerk! Stupid eyebrow!"

The Doctor remained silent in the face of your fury. After you calmed down, he offered you tea much to your bewilderment.

You told him about how Clara told you what happened to him, being trapped in a confession dial, almost breaking the rule of time for the sake of Clara and also about the promise you made to her. So, after all of that, you asked him how he is holding up.

The Doctor admitted of being ashamed of himself for what happened to Clara and can't bear to face you especially since he couldn't even remember Clara at all.

You and the Doctor talked about Clara a lot. Through you, the Doctor is able to put a face on Clara. You told him the brave tale of Clara Oswald and her Doctor.

You forgot about your cousin until she called you. You had to leave the Doctor but you were reluctant. You asked him if he will be at the university for long. He said he will be stuck in there for a long while.

You smiled softly at him. "Can I come see you again?"

He glanced down at you with fond smile. "If you like."

You hugged him and he, at first, was hesitant to hug you but he did eventually.

7777

After that day, you spend at least a few hours to visit him in the university and you have valid excuse because your cousin did apply there.

There were rumour floating around that you were the Doctor's girlfriend but you and the Doctor ignored it.

The Doctor introduced you to Nardole and Bill. Bill is curious about how you know the Doctor and she recognized that you did indeed still fancy the Doctor and teases you about it.

The Doctor eventually told you about the reason he was stuck there. You had heard about Missy before from Clara and her warning that she is pure evil. You have no interest in meeting her.

Knowing the Doctor stuck there, you tried to cheer him up by asking him out. He was confused whether you are asking him out on a date after Bill's teasing about him having a date and he asked you about it.

You were embarrassed and cursed Bill for bringing that up. You told him it was a friendly outing. Though, of course, you sort of wished for more but this is the Doctor. He is dense when it come to romance. Also, you have no idea if he even feel the same, probably not.

One day, the Doctor asked you out for a date night in some foreign planet. He claimed it was for ruining your date night years ago. You laughed at the date night he mentioned. You remembered that night when he asked your date of the night if he was your father. He eventually admitted he was asking you out because Bill wouldn't shut up about how you fancy him and how lucky he was to have someone like you waiting around for him.

Your face reddened as you muttered about killing Bill.

He smiled kindly at you which made your heart flutter around like a trapped butterfly inside a jar. "Spare Bill your wrath, she was just concerned for you and I. Apparently, she ship us."

You nearly choke on your drink when he said that with a flat face. You felt like you are not nearly drunk enough to survive this humiliation. Overall, it was a successful date night. You have fun. The Doctor is surprisingly good at planning a date night.

You remembered that Clara once told you that he was married to River Song but she was deceased. You wondered what kind of a woman she was to have caught his fancy. She must be someone amazing. You didn't dare to ask him about her but you saw the picture he had on his office. You even asked Nardole about her. You realized the Doctor is still hung up on her and Clara to some extent even if he didn't remember her.

You sighed, hating yourself for being insecure. You knew the Doctor is out of your league and yet here you are, falling under his spell again. You didn't know whether to hug Bill or hit her for plotting against you like this. You were, in the end, grateful for a chance to have a memory of being on a date with the Doctor. Though, the realization that according to the Doctor, this is somewhat a pity date, ruined it for you.

After that one date, you avoided the Doctor like a plague. It was Bill who come to you and knock some sense into you.

"This is the Doctor we are talking about. He doesn't know what even a pity date is. So, please, (name), just come back. You are miserable. He is also miserable. He blames me, you know, for taking my advice and takes you out on a date. He thought he did something wrong to you. Now he thought he had lost you too." Bill said.

You narrowed your eyes at her. "You are lying, aren't you? There is no way the Doctor acted like that merely because I'm not there."

"Well yeah he didn't pout as much, mostly he tried distracting himself with teaching and traveling in the Tardis, but he is very grumpy, more than usual. Ask Nardole if you don't believe me. Ask his students, they thought you broke up with him and that made him become no fun anymore."

So, yeah, like the fool you are, you decided to come back and have as Bill put it a 'grown-up' talk with the Doctor.

What the hell...you decided to tell him the truth and see what happened. If he didn't feel the same, well, that's a problem that you will have to deal with anyway sooner or later. Better just do it and get it over with now. Rip the band-aid so to speak. Maybe then you can properly move on and erased your feeling for him to make room for new feeling for someone else.

You had a long talk with the Doctor. You found out Bill is right about the date being not a pity date. He had even told you that if he didn't like you, he would never took you out on a date.

"I can't promise you forever." The Doctor eventually said.

"I never would ask you that. I know that you can't do that. All I ask, if you are willing, to be with me for as long as we can."

"Then you shall have me for as long as you want to, (name)." The Doctor said.

You were surprised and felt elated by his words. You took his hand on yours and beamed at him.

He glanced down at you with soft smile and kind eyes. You loved him more for it.

7777

The Doctor took you on dates many times after that. He is taking care to make sure there will be no crisis need averting during the dates but that did not always work.

You should have known the Doctor is definitely a trouble magnet despite his effort. During a date night, the place where the Doctor took you with was invaded by a hostile group.

Of course, you were taken hostage as the Doctor along with a group of people that apparently genious in their own right were forced to solve some chess puzzle with life or death at stake.

Thinking the Doctor need more incentive, they put you into some death trap where one wrong move during the chess puzzle will end with your death.

You were properly scared especially after you saw the person before you died in agony when someone else before the Doctor is forced to solve it.

The Doctor is enraged by this hostile group who put you in this situation.

You couldn't help the tears that flooded your eyes as your body trembled waiting for the pain of death even as you glanced up at the Doctor, trying to put up a brave face.

He told you to shut up when he realized you were trying to say goodbye, believing that you will die in that death trap.

It was a close call but he eventually able to cheat the game and freed you. You were so relieved as you fell into his arms weakly.

The Doctor however is angry especially when he learned that the trap is plotted by someone called Gus. He eventually told you he know a Gus, one responsible for the incident of the mummy in orient express back when he was with Clara.

You remembered Clara told you about their supposed last hurrah on orient express. You wondered if Gus has some grudge against the Doctor or he just enjoy sickening games.

You could tell the Doctor felt guilty for putting you in danger. You were afraid that he will change his mind and left you behind. You grabbed on one of his arms, putting your head near his chest and whispered to him that you are okay and you will try not to scare easy, that you will do better next time.

The Doctor looked sad when you said that.

7777

Feeling guilty after what happened at the last date, the Doctor took you to have some fun. He assurred you the place is safe.

The Doctor took you out to some alien bazaar in some orange planet but he accidentaly took you to the same place where he once as his eleventh incarnation took you and Clara.

You were stunned when you saw past Clara, wishing you can come to her and give her a hug.

It was Eleventh Doctor who notices you and he was confused because he was sure he left you with Clara.

You blinked at Chin Boy and took a look at him. You still found it hard to believe that he is the same person as Eyebrow.

It was then your Doctor appeared and he put his hand around your waist as he started talking about some attraction that he thought you would like. He didn't seem to notice his past-self at first.

It was kind of funny watching Chin Boy pieces it together your relationship with his future-self. He spluttered in surprise and waved his hands around like a deranged giraffe.

When your Doctor finally recognized his past-self, he didn't look at all impressed or happy seeing him. They started to insult each other, whether it was about his past chin or his future eyebrow.

You stifled a giggle as both Doctors glared at you.

After Chin Boy left, you were wondering if that meant he always know that they will ended up dating but he said his past-self would not retain any memory of meeting you and him.

As you watched past you and Clara having a laugh together, you couldn't help but felt sad. You glanced up to see your Doctor staring at Clara too. You could tell he is trying to remember her, anything about her, but he couldn't.

You took his hand and led him away from the scene. You kissed his cheek and asked him what he need right now.

The Doctor glanced down at you with soft smile. You could almost believe that he loves you at that moment.

7777

You and the Doctor are officially dating now. Bill and Nardole knew about it. Your cousin knew about it. The whole university knew about it.

His students like to ask the Doctor about your relationship during his lecture much to his dismay. He even told you that your cousin attended his lectures too and asked about the nature of his relationship with you.

You stiffled a smile and promised him you would tell your cousin to stop teasing him.

You were reluctant to travel with him full time, prefering to be safe on Earth, letting him, Bill and Nardole instead playing the hero game. You were grateful that the Doctor didn't think less of you for wanting to stay safe.

7777

You were so afraid for the Doctor upon finding out he is blind. You were angry at him for keeping it a secret from you. You refused to leave his side, wanting to make sure he is safe even if it meant you have to get down and dirty with any crisis headed his way.

You were so grateful for Bill for she is the only one in position to make a deal with the Monk to save him. You were with the Doctor but on the wrong side. You couldn't help him at all. You thought you would lose him for good this time. But then Bill saved him.

After he regained his eyesight, the Doctor set out to figure out a way to get the monks off the Earth.

That was the first time the Doctor took you and Bill inside the vault where you laid eyes on Missy for the first time.

You didn't like her at all. As Clara told you before, Missy is cruel with her words, not afraid to strike anyone down with her pouting lips. But the Doctor seemed to manage her well enough.

The Doctor said he was trying to rehabilitate her and he thought it was working well. She seemed to start showing remorse.

After the monk fiasco is over with, the Doctor told you and Bill about his plan to give Missy a test run to see how she deal with a crisis.

Missy is curious with you upon realizing you are dating the Doctor, teasing him about what a pedophile he is for taking a very young human to be his fuck buddy. Her words is crude and very insulting. You dislikes her even more. But you got the feeling she couldn't careless whether anyone likes her or not, except maybe the Doctor.

You got a feeling that maybe there were deeper history between her and the Doctor. You wondered if they ever become lovers in their past but that is not something you can ask him. Come to think about it, you still don't know much about the Doctor except from what Clara told you which is a lot but still not enough. You tried to respect his need for secret. You know he is just indulging you in your desire to have him as your lover. He didn't owe you anything more than he want to share.

7777

Everything fall apart during the first test run for Missy. For once, you agreed to go with them but you remained on the Tardis with the Doctor while Bill and Nardole play the part as Missy's companion.

Worried for Bill, the Doctor immediately got outside but he locked you inside the Tardis against your wishes. He wanted you safe.

Before he could get Bill to safety, she got killed by the blue alien who is afraid of the things inside the ship who only come when there is human nearby.

After Bill was taken away, the Doctor eventually allowed you out of the Tardis after he knocked out the blue alien.

"Bill is my friend. I won't just sit there inside the Tardis."

"There are creatures down there who goes after human. You will be in danger." The Doctor said.

"I don't care! We stick together, Doctor, no matter what."

He relented and allowed you to come with them. You ignored Missy mocking you, prefering to listen to the Doctor and Nardole instead.

You and the Doctor found out Bill has been turned into a cyberman, a mondasian cyberman. And of course Missy had to betray you both when her past incarnation revealed to be behind the entire plot.

You were so sad for Bill especially once you found out she is still aware of herself inside that cold steel. The Doctor lied to Bill about being able to fix her but told you the truth that he can't.

He told you he should have made you stay inside the Tardis.

"It was my choice, Doctor, to stand here with you. I am scared but I won't regret you." You said.

The Master mocked both you and Bill. You wished you could hurt him right back. The Doctor pulled you and Bill away from him.

7777

You were in one of the room at the house, alone, trying to calm your nerve. You were really bad at handling crisis. You wished you could offer some help for the Doctor. You wished you were a companion he can depend on but you know you are not.

While you were feeling sorry for yourself, the Doctor entered the room, watching you from the doorway. You were still unaware that he was there.

"Are you okay?" The Doctor spoke up suddenly, making you jump in surprise.

You were nervous, that everyone probably can tell. You forced a smile as you sat down, desperately trying to put on a brave face.

He sighed. "You don't have to pretend. It's okay to be afraid."

"Fear is superpower?" You lightly said.

The Doctor smiled solemnly. "I'm guessing Clara told you that one too..."

"She was my best friend. We have no secret with each other. She was your best friend too." You said as you looked down at your lap, fingers gripping at your skins. "I wish she was here. She would be able to help you more."

The Doctor sighed. He sat beside you, put one hand over yours. He took your hand and kissed it gently.

You turned toward him slightly as you tried to smile but instead your eyes were wet with unshed tears.

"I love you, Doctor." You whispered. "I didn't need you to say it back. I just want you to know." You lied, of course, it would have been nice to hear him says it but only if he meant it. You put your hand over his cheek. "Thank you for letting me stay with you."

The Doctor didn't say anything, only glancing down at you with a look you can't decipher. He pulled you close to him and kissed your forehead as you rest your head on his shoulder.

That night, you sleep in each other arms or at least you were. The Doctor watched over you sleep. You only know because you were restless in your sleep. You clutched one of his arms, fully aware of how clingy you are but he has not yet rejected your touches so maybe it was okay.

You shared a smile with the Doctor as you finally gave up to try to sleep and just laid there, staring at each other.

"Whatever happen next, I'm with you. And even if I...don't survive this, please don't ever blame yourself."

The Doctor looked like he want to object so you covered his mouth with your palm.

You switched into a seating position, staring at him solemnly. "I meant it. Don't you dare regret me because I didn't regret you. Even if today is our last day, I would be happy because I am with you. So, don't even think of sending me away." You said, remembering what Clara told you about how the Doctor send her away from Trenzalore.

He pulled your hand away from his mouth as he moved into a seating position too. He sighed in resignation. "As you wish then, (name)."

You stared at him suspiciously. You did know the Doctor enough from Clara to know the Doctor lies. You could only hope he would not lie to you.

7777

Things has gotten dangerous as more cybermen attacked the settlement. The Doctor, Missy and the Master worked together before the Master decided it was a lost cause and intending to leave.

It was heartbreaking watching your Doctor begging Missy to stand by his side and was rejected.

You could tell this is one of those time where the Doctor can't save everyone. Your heart aches for him, watching him wreck his brain in an attempt to save everyone. You were a bit glad for last night with the Doctor, because you get to say everything that need saying to him. You tried to make your peace with what happening.

You were angry though when later the Doctor forced you to evacuate with Nardole and the other passengers. He said he had a plan, that everything will be okay. He promised he will come back for you and Nardole soon. He was convincing enough that you did go with Nardole. The Doctor stayed behind with Bill.

As you left with Nardole, you felt something is wrong. Against Nardole's warning, you returned back to find the Doctor.

You never find him.

7777

You were desperate to try to find the Doctor but you couldn't find him, instead you found Missy.

She was dying. But so is the Master. Against your better judgement, you decided to help Missy. She was always mean to you but she did help the Doctor and Bill before today.

Missy was surprised to see you and even more when you helped her up and away from there. She guided you to the path where the Master's Tardis is hidden.

She told you to take her to the med bay and instructed you of what to do with her fatal injuries. You were shaking but follow her instruction. You gave her some sort of injection.

Next thing you know she was glowing and exploded. The force of her regeneration knocked you hard as you crashed into some medical cart. You were on the floor, neck bleeding from some accidental stabbing by one of the medical instruments.

You gasped as you put one hand over your injury, hoping to slow down the bleeding but you were too weak. You blacked out just as you saw a man emerged toward you, staring at you coldly. Your last thought was you wish you didn't help Missy if this is how she repay you.

7777

You were surprised to find yourself still alive afterward. Your neck is bandaged properly. You felt so ill and weak.

"You are awake."

You almost jumped as you heard that voice.

A man in purple suit emerged from the shadow. You have no idea who he is. You were with Missy before, weren't you?

You gulped. "Missy?"

He chuckled. "Call me Master."

You flinched at that. The Master, the earlier version, was so intimidating and cruel. You don't know what to make with this one. But he did save your life, so there is that. You were not comfortable around him.

"I...where are we now? The Doctor..."

He scoffed. "The Doctor is gone, he has abandoned the both of us."

You glared at him. "You are the one who abandon him first." You probably shouldn't poke the bear.

He stared at you curiously. "Still he did abandon you. Everyone on that ship died but him while he fly away in his Tardis again. He didn't even come back for you."

You flinched at that. But you tried to take comfort at the fact that the Doctor survived. You hoped to reunite again with him but you are unsure how to go about it. You were practically under the Master's mercy right now.

You wondered why he still keep you around, not that you are not grateful. You were afraid he would abandon you into some foreign planet with no way to contact the Doctor.

"What are you going to do now...to me?" You tentatively asked.

He raised an eyebrow at you. "Sounded like you expect me to torture you or something..."

"So am I free to go then?"

"Are you going to run back to the Doctor?" He asked.

You were unsure what the correct answer would be. You were afraid the wrong answer will set him off. "I...I don't know..."

He hummed. "He thought nobody survived in that ship. He probably thought you died too." He chuckled. "For once, the Doctor can not save everyone."

Your heart ached at the thought the grief the Doctor must be going through right now. You hated the Master for finding it funny that the Doctor failed to save everyone.

"I want to see him." You whispered. "Can you...will you take me to him?"

A dark expression crossed his feature. His cold answer chilled you to the bone. "No."

7777

The Master imprisoned you on board of his Tardis. He was mostly courteous with you.

You showed the same courtesy, mostly because you were afraid.

But when one day he landed in Victorian London, you tried to escape, hoping to find Madam Vastra and Jenny so that they can help you reunited with the Doctor.

The Master foiled your plan and got really mad at you.

"Why are you still wanting to be with him? He abandoned you!!" He roared at you, making you so frightened that you could only whimpers.

He made you so very afraid when he cupped your face as he put his forehead over yours and invaded your mind. The brutal attack on your mind left you weak as a kitten. You were completely under his mercy.

After that day, you were to afraid to disobey him and just do what he told you...mostly. He is up to his usual chaos and you refused to be a part of it, especially when you realized he was plotting against the Doctor.

He was harsh with you and have no qualm to attack you mentally until you submit to him.

You prayed that the Doctor will come and rescue you. He laughed at your thoughts and showed you the Doctor from his hidden camera.

That was the first time you were told that the Doctor has regenerated...into a woman. She has new companions with her. She called them her fam.

Your heart ached at the thought the Doctor you know and fell in love with is gone, replaced with this woman. Part of you though recognized that she is still the Doctor. You were glad though that she found new companions and that she is not alone.

The Master is displeased with you whenever he caught you thinking of the Doctor. You didn't understand why he insisted to keep you around.

He told you he had plan for you. You dreaded whatever he plan for you. But you were hopeless, you couldn't even save yourself. You hated your weakness.

With each passing months, you lose hope to ever reunited again with your Doctor. Is she even still your Doctor? Will she still even want you back? You don't know.

The Master kept taunting you, making you cry like a baby. He sometimes look at you with disgust and yet he continue to keep you. You have no idea why.

7777

The Master showed you Gallifrey. He was proud to show his homeland. And then he locked you back into his Tardis.

When he returned, he was in deranged state, making you scared and very jumpy as he raged at the console and at the world.

7777

You were mute now, hardly talk at all. The Master had forced a telepathic bond with you after he experimented with you. It was scary and painful, making you wish for death instead.

You hated him but even all of your emotions slowly muted into defeaning silence.

One day, he told you that he has set his plan for the Doctor in motion. He curiously observed you to see your reaction.

You stared at him blankly.

He seemed satisfied. He cupped your face. "You will be my last surprise for the Doctor." He said as he caressed your cheek gently. "If everything going as I planned, you will soon see her."

You didn't say anything.

7777

You finally get to reunite with the Doctor. The Master even dressed you up for the occasion.

For the first time, as you laid eyes on the Doctor, some of your emotion resurfaced.

"I didn't know where you were. She was the only one there. I didn't know what to do...so I just did what he told me." You said in a hoarse and trembling voice.

You must have been with Missy when she regenerated. Had she left you under the Master's mercy all this time? The Doctor thought you perished in that ship like everyone else. Like Bill. Like Nardole.

Her hearts ached as she recalled the Testimony Project and how she got to meet Bill and Nardole, even Clara one last time. But she never did met you. At the time she thought you were simply mad at her previous version for lying and refused to show yourself to him.

She recalled the look Bill and Nardole exchanged when he asked them about you. Did they know that you survived?

"Where is he?" The Doctor asked you.

"Right here." The Master appeared with his CyberMaster in tow.

The Doctor realized she was surrounded.

"How do you like your surprise, Doctor?" The Master gleefully asked.

The Doctor glared at him. "What have you done to her?"

The Master turned to you and smiled. "Come here, (name)."

To the Doctor's horror, you obeyed him without hesitation.

"See? I take care of your pet, Doctor, the one you abandoned for death." He said as he cupped your chin playfully. "We even saved each other. It was all very...poetic."

The Doctor flinched with guilt at the thought that she did abandon you without a thought that you could possibly survive.

The Master then started bragging about his CyberMaster which he fully intend to use to conquer Earth.

The Doctor showed him the trigger for the death particle that she is fully intend to use to stop the Master and his army.

"Would you really use that?" The Master taunted. "Even if it meant you will kill her again?"

The Doctor flinched again at the mention of you. She glanced up at you and at the lost expression on your face. Her hearts ached for you. She long to envelop you in her embrace, to take you away from the Master and back in her Tardis to keep you safe. But she knew she had to stop the Master first and foremost.

"I can't risk you to lay waste on the universe." The Doctor said firmly as she gripped tight the trigger.

The Master looked ecstatic at her answer. "Do it then. Do it. Come on and do it. Save the universe."

You remained silent throughout the exchange between the Doctor and the Master.

The Doctor eventually dropped the trigger, unable to follow through.

The Master look disappointed, promising to lay waste the universe, thanks to her weakness.

He turned toward you. "Come along, (name)."

You flinched. You stared at the Doctor longingly before hesitantly took a step toward the Master.

The Doctor moved quicker to try to stop you. "Leave her here. You have no use of her."

The Master look amused. "Is that so? I'm actually quite fond of her. After all, she is the first face this face saw. You know how it is, Doctor, she is mine now."

The Doctor glared at him. "She is not yours!"

The Master rolled his eyes and commanded you to come to her.

At the time, Ko Sharmus suddenly appeared, picked up the trigger.

The Doctor quickly grabbed you as Ko Sharmus stepped toward the Master showing that he will pull the trigger.

The Doctor pulled you into her arms and ran as Ko Sharmus told her too before pulling the trigger.

7777

You and the Doctor were inside a Tardis but not the Doctor's.

After she flew the Tardis to safety, she turned to you to check you for injury. She smiled elatedly at you but the smile slide off her face immediately.

You couldn't believe that you had escaped the Master. As you glanced at the Doctor and saw her slowly smile adorably at you, you blacked out.

The Doctor barely able to catch your fallen body. She pulled her sonic screwdriver to scan you. Dread filled her hearts as she realized you had fallen into a coma.

7777

In the Tardis medbay, the Doctor stared at the result of your medical scan. There is nothing physically wrong with you.

The Doctor had no choice but to go inside your mind without consent to investigate what's wrong with you.

She was horrified to know that you were bonded to the Master. The Master had made it so your mind can't function if you are too far from him.

You were sealed within the deep corner of your mind unable to get out, unable to do anything but hover in the corner, afraid and lost.

The Doctor couldn't get through you at all. But she saw the remnant of message from the Master.

"Did you really think I would let you have a happy ending, Doctor?" The Master said cruelly. "She is mine. If you want her back, you simply have to give her back to me and she will be good as new."

The Doctor scoffed at him. "You are insane if you think I would let you anywhere near her again."

"You can't keep her from me, Doctor. I have make sure that she could never hid from me."

The Doctor realized the truth in what the Master said. You would never be safe from him. So there is only two thing she can do.

She will have to forcefully break the bond between you and the Master which will hurt both you and the Master a great deal but at least you will be safe from him.

Also, she will have to fix the damage in your mind courtesy of the Master but the damage is too much and she has to wipe your memories of the Master and of everything pertaining the Doctor.

The Master must have known that the Doctor would do exactly that. "Typical. You won't even give her any choice, would you?"

The Doctor glared at him in fury. "You are the one who did this to her. You hurt her. You broke her." She yelled at him. "I will not let you get to her anymore."

As she made up her mind, she focused on psychic attack on the bond. She winced as you screamed in pain. The Master also screamed but mostly cursing the Doctor.

She muttered apologies to you over and over again as her eyes shimmered in tears.

She put her hands over both side of your face and started to erase everything about the Doctor and the Master.

Tears fell on your cheeks as the Doctor purged the last memories of the person you love from your mind.

7777

The Doctor had you covered in long coat covering yourself from head to toes. She waited for someone patiently as she carried you in her arms. You were still unconscious.

"Doctor."

"Jack."

"Love the new face. You look good, Doctor."

The Doctor didn't reply.

"Is that her?"

She nodded. "Keep her safe, Jack. Give her new identity and take care to make sure that she will have everything she need."

"Of course."

The Doctor glanced at your sleeping face mournfully. "She is not safe with me or anywhere near me. The Master is after her."

Jack's eyes widened. "The Master is alive?"

The Doctor nodded.

"What could he possibly want with her?"

"The Master is insane as you know. He has obsession with her because she saved him before he regenerated and she is the first face he saw after he regenerated." The Doctor said. "I had to erase everything she know of me and the Master. It was the only way to keep her safe."

Jack glanced at the Doctor, noticing how miserable she look. "Don't worry, Doctor, I will personally make sure she will be safe."

"Thank you, Jack. I owe you."

Jack took you in his arms gently, careful not to wake you.

The Doctor released you reluctantly to Jack. She took one last look at your face before steeling herself. She turned around and left without looking back.

You were half-awake as you saw a woman walking away from you and for some reason, your heart ached but sleep took over you again and with that, you forgot.

#12th doctor x reader #13th doctor x reader #twelfth doctor x reader #thirteenth doctor x reader #doctor who x reader #doctor who fanfiction #shiefenwrites

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yandere2me2 · 5 years ago

Note

Hi there! First, I just wanted you to know that I really enjoy your writing. I don’t know most of the characters you write for, but I still am able to understand who they are as people from your works which is really cool!! Secondly, I was hoping I could hear your thoughts on the Obey Me characters? You can do as little or as many as you want, whatever you’re comfortable with. And finally, I just wanted to say I hope you have a good day!

Thanks anon! So far I’ve only written a few things, but if you wanna check out what characters I’ll write for, check out my newly posted rules post - for any fandom listed, I’m good writing any character so long as the other rules are followed (ex: any Obey Me character but Luke since he looks and acts like a child).

Since no limit was placed, I’ll just do some general headcanons for the first 4 brothers for now. Know that I’m willing to write about any other characters in Obey Me aside from Luke for future requests :)

So without further ado, some yandere Obey Me bros (under the cut because this got LONG)!

TW: implied/mentioned forced captivity, manipulation, unhealthy relationship standards, non-con/dub-con, degradation, voyeurism

Lucifer

Sadistic - but that’s a given with the game information. To be more specific, he sets strict rules for his darling and is very much a control freak; he has so many things going on in his life that he has to manage out of necessity, but his darling is a special case he’ll gladly take on

If his darling breaks a rule, he enjoys doling out punishments. What type of punishment depends on his mood, the type of incident his darling caused, and if their actions affected Diavolo. God help them if if they insult Diavolo

Possessive with a capital P. His darling is his. No one gets to see them fall to pieces under his hands but him. No one gets to bring them to the peak of pleasure but him. They will fear him the most above all others if that’s the way his darling must cope with his methods. Lucifer would prefer an amicable relationship, but he understands he’ll be met with resistance with the standards he has

Praise will come rarely, so any darling that craves it will have to earn it by being on their best behavior. If his darling does manage to get him to praise them, he’s in a very good mood and will be more open to requests (he won’t let them go, but some new books, hobby materials, or food options are fair game)

He’s a yandere that will lock his darling away for their safety as well as his own comfort and ease. Dangers are everywhere in Devildom, and he knows his darling will manage to find trouble if left to their own devices or with his brothers. He’s not going to risk it. Besides, he’ll have a better hold on his darling if he’s the only one they interact with daily

Going off the last point, Lucifer would also hide his darling away to avoid Diavolo’s attention. By my read on their relationship, Lucifer holds little power to oppose Diavolo thanks to their pact, and Diavolo wanting in on Lucy’s darling would frustrate him beyond words - can’t he have just one thing for himself? I’ll be writing more on a Diavolo/Lucifer/Darling situation after requests are filled, but BOY do I wanna write about this now

Mammon

He’s needy. Mammon craves affection from his darling in any amount they’re willing to give. He’ll be the first to deny it if his darling or someone else points it out, but everyone knows

He Does Not Like To Share His Darling! At all!!! He will pout and whine and get even more clingy if he thinks his darling so much as looks at someone else with interest (imagined or not) - especially his brothers

His punishments are usually to reassure himself that he’s in charge, that his darling did him wrong and they should be grateful he’s their protector, that he even bothered to notice them in the first place. Any other demon would have left them to fend for themselves; he is the best demon a puny human like his darling could ask for

That said, when he isn’t worked up he’s very much a sub in his relationship with his darling and aims to please them. Praise doesn’t come too often for him, and he loves when he can get any positive affirmation. He’ll get testy if his darling outright insults him

He wouldn’t think about locking his darling away until much later. After his darling grows accustomed to living in Devildom, after Mammon starts realizing and (unwillingly) accepting his feelings, he notices how close his darling is with his brothers and the others, how easily they could be stolen away from him… he doesn’t like it one bit

Mammon wouldn’t think much about his plan before he sets things in motion by making a deal with some witches to set up a private space for him and his darling that no one can reach without his say-so. This of course incurs a ton of debt that he’s confident he’ll pay off in a jiffy (he won’t) and he only leaves when he needs to handle paying off his debts or deal with some Devildom official business - he’s the second most powerful demon brother under Lucifer, so as obnoxious as Mammon could be about how “important” he is, he’s not entirely wrong

If he’s in a good mood, he’ll spoil his darling as best he can with any material good he can think they’ll like. Just name it and it’s theirs. Unless of course they upset him, then he’s just as quick to take any privileges he gives away and remind them who’s in charge. It makes him hurt to have to punish his darling, so he tries to avoid it unless he thinks they need a reminder of who has to make the rules around here

Leviathan

Levi doesn’t have much experience with darlings compared to his brothers - throughout the thousands of years he’s lived alongside his brothers, he prefers to shut himself away most of the time. He’s had the least amount of darlings in his lifetime, and when they pass on he secludes himself to fantasize about his perfect darling (who’s usually based on a combination of anime characters and past darlings he’s had)

He’s so insecure, constantly worrying how he isn’t good enough that he bullies his darling into having them convince him that he’s who they want. His darling better be convincing though; if he senses pity or fear or anything else that takes away from their sincerity, he won’t be kind when he’s punishing them

He’s almost as overbearing as Mammon - that’s a feat in itself. Levi won’t isolate his darling though; he’ll manipulate and guilt his darling into wanting to stay with him to avoid his ire. They’ll manage to step on his toes in one way or another, finding some unspoken overstep as an excuse to point out their flaws

Honestly the “transport yourself into a video game” trope opens up so many fun options for Levi to play with his darling. He has games (similar to the one we witness in canon) where he and his darling can spend virtual weeks together without anyone to disturb them. He has games he knows his darling hates - horror games that are gruesome for demons, let alone a human, where his darling can’t escape and can die as many times as it takes for Levi to be pleased before he transports them back out. He has naughty games for when he wants to import his darling to watch them endure whatever scenarios fit his fancy - anything from tentacle porn to gangbangs. By the end of it, his darling will be so grateful to be back in the real world they’ll be begging to stay with him, just as long as they don’t have to go back in a game. Levi uses the affection to his advantage

He forces role play on his darling - Levi as the Lord of Shadows and his darling as his precious Henry. His darling better learn their lines and how Levi likes them to respond if they want to stay on Levi’s good side

His darling’s wardrobe consists of mostly Ruri-chan and Henry cosplay Levi purchases for them. No you can’t change my mind

Of course, if his darling isn’t in a game or reading some top manga series, Levi’s talking about it to them or having them watch/read along with him. He just wants to share what he enjoys with the person he treasures, even if they’re just a simple normie human

Satan

Earlyon, his darling is warned by the other brothers that his smile is fake, that he’scynical and shouldn’t be trusted. But out of all the brothers, he comes acrossas one of the least intimidating, so it’s easy to gravitate towards him

Tbhhe’s likely not interested in his darling at first – humans are lessercreatures to demons, food for most and potentially nuisances when one makes apact with a powerful demon. Until he finds something noteworthy, like how quicklyMammon forms a pact with this human, he doesn’t see much potential

He’s pretty reasonable up until he’s angry; for a darling surrounded by dangers and demons,he appears to be the least likely to harm them, and they accidentally push one of hisbuttons at some point. Once his limit is reached, he is terrifying – wrath isin his name and he lets his darling know when he’s displeased

After the first time he loses his temper, he’ll givehis darling clear warnings before he punishes them. He uses his darling’s fearof his punishments to his advantage, encouraging “good” behavior with thethreat of “or else” in the background

He has some notable similarities with the eldest brother: a sadistic streak a mile long and a preference to dominate/need for control to ensure his darling is undoubtedly his. How Satan shows these traits is different in key ways, however

Satan is sadistic more often when he’s feeling neglected, miffed, or bored with his darling. He’s not as strict as Lucifer, actually allowing his darling the freedom to act on their own accord in most cases. It gives his darling the chance to show him how much devotion they are willing to give him without him commanding it. If he gives an order, however, he expects his darling to obey

Unlike Lucifer, Satan doesn’t have the risk of things going Bad if something doesn’t go his way; Lucifer needs to please Diavolo or risk failing on his end of the pact, and so control is key for him. Satan likes control, but to the extent of knowing he has the final say. Satan doesn’t want to control every aspect of his darling - at the end of the day he wants his darling to voluntarily choose him, even if only out of fear of his displeasure - but he will have them

Satan has his own possessive habits - he needs affirmations that his darling is his. Either he’s marking them in some primal way or he has his darling reassure him through their actions

He stalks his darling. Have you seen how aware he is of his brothers’ activities in-game? It’s almost unnerving in some situations - and that’s just canon material. Satan watches his darling out of curiosity at first before it grows into an obsession for him. After a while he knows every little detail, every mannerism, every preference. All those outings he asked his darling to join him on before he actually clarifies he wants to date them? They’re all used as opportunities for Satan to review later

Advice to any darling of his: Do NOT compare him to Lucifer if you know what’s good for you. Just. Don’t. He won’t kill you, but you will wish he did by the time he’s through with you

I say this as several of my points are comparing his similarities/differences with Lucifer hahaaaaaaaa sorry Satan

#yandere #yandere obey me #yandere headcanons #yandere satan #yandere lucifer #yandere leviathan #yandere mammon #mammon x darling #lucifer x darling #leviathan x darling #satan x darling #my post #my replies #anons

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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 years ago

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returning the favor: do you have any hcs re: winston, past or present, that you haven't expounded upon before or at length or just feel like talking about again. whatever you like

Thank You.......yeah idk really what hc's i've like "officially" described here that often lol, but then also there's that whole complication where i don't really ever come up with ideas & when asked anything i'm probably going [???] like, classics like "what do you like out of [broad parameter]" & it's like damn....i dunno. what ideas do i have about winsotn who i've thought about every day for > 2 yrs??? that's tough.....& Then the further chaos of like, when i do have hc's or w/e it's less discrete, concrete invented ideas & more towards the end of the spectrum that's like "well i kinda interpret this part of canon vaguely this way" &/or "i have This vague notion that i haven't solidified into a pretend fact or that i'm not at all committed to or take that seriously" where it's like, not only is this not really nailed down but it's basically free floating / i might have other ideas that would contradict each other lol. seems like a more concise list of Stats that are fully/exclusively my ideas is more exciting, but instead i can offer vague "i dunno / what ifs" based on vibes that i verbosely describe lmao, plus i'll forget a bunch of ideas i may have had i'm sure but you know. what else have i ever offered; never really trying to sell this material to otherwise uninterested parties or only make posts that guaranteed more than one person might enjoy, why would i be starting now; and ig if i write a bunch of stuff here & go "oh & i forgot like a half dozen obvious things" i can add on to it if it's a big deal.....plus it's always tricky with billions in particular being vague abt its own characters lmao, we only see [outside of work] personal stuff if it's going to become directly tied to [definitely at work] professional plotlines, or Maybe glimpse some character contextualizing things for the more central characters....side characters have more blanks to fill but also that means. just more that's blank lol & kinda a mystery of Up To Interpretation.....i figured one way to have any structure for this at all is to have a part looking at each winston involving episode's info. well anyways, after this meandering intro that kind of illustrates how i'm sure the rest of things will go here lol, i'm just gonna throw a bunch of stuff down in general. thanks again for the prompt to do so, b/c why not

really the one concrete discrete idea i have which isn't in the canon text is, of course: he is autistic

does he Know? idk. either way, think he's pretty aware of how he operates (& how he Can't operate), but if he doesn't know that's probably more for the "also: he's self loathing, which was basically textually implied" stuff lol. just mentioned it but i do always enjoy the tayston idea that taylor's talking abt in the past having it floated by a therapist/s or whomever that they could be autistic, them considering it but it not applying; winston going "hmm" & doing his own considering & researching & then maybe exclusively sharing the news w/taylor....but of course, maybe he's figured it out himself at some point before. i do think he'd figure it out himself though rather than anyone else directly suggesting it (maybe out here being diagnosed with "just the guy who sucks who we don't like / won't act right or normal" sort of usual experience) & i think, if he knows, he's not about to want ppl at work to know, b/c not as though anyone (but taylor & other quants) particularly seems to be impressed by his quanting proficiency, but he sure gets some validation/affirmation through that route (more re: that of course) and knows that ppl going "oh he's autistic so of course he's better at Doing Math / computer stuff as a like, mechanical efficiency sort of thing" or whatever. and the fact that taylor can interact with him / gives him some leeway to generally do his thing means he's kind of already got space to operate how he operates, see the start of this section....and idk. transitioning into the next section ig

just an Interpretation Of Canon thing here but, re: how these characters generally operate & what their reason is for being around doing stuff in the first place, i guess it's that winston does genuinely like to do & is interested in the math/coding stuff involved here, was also genuinely interested in working for taylor specifically (whatever The Hype specifically was), then you have taylor having the "despite your demeanor, your skills are superior" stance & appreciating what he can do & letting him do it by hiring him for real & all, & here we are, Q is for Quantitative, baby......he must find it rewarding enough to be getting to do this quanting stuff and also, the potential for validation when anyone recognizes he's good at it & by extension finds something about him good & wants him around to any degree

okay just that Episode By Episode stuff for a section here

3x03:

kinda extra room for interpretation b/c this was written as a one off character and reintroducing him in 3x09, written to be recurring, feels like it kinda offers a Soft Reboot for what we got here, where i guess how i take things is that we can suppose in both 3x03 & 3x09 winston's putting on a deliberate Performance to some degree based on what he thinks the potential employer wants to see, but it's also not completely fake / inaccurate either time, & like, maybe the 3x03 vibe wasn't a type of performance he'd only just ever put on for this axe cap interview, & even if it was deliberately bold maybe he was sort of thinking he Could bank on his value as a quant meaning he holds most of the cards (or can get away with acting like it)

building on that & as a More General point of interpretation again: think it's easy to suppose winston could've had an existence w/many elements of frustrations & disappointments & Rejection, but where like, he did figure out these areas of interest & proficiency that seemed to be a more positive force in his life, & leaned into them / focused on them further for it, & i could see him focusing on milestones / graduating from one thing to the next & conceptualizing like, well, if i just get to This point by working on This thing then i'll have it together & be able to move through existence more successfully, like, there's winston going into undergrad & kind of disappointed he's not having that good a time socially / feels like he's missing out / being left out still, but he can be like, well that's fine (: i'm totally fine abt it b/c i'm focusing on the Education & Experience here & when i'm entering the job market as an amazing quant anyone would want to hire then ppl will be seeing me in a positive light & things will fall into place / go great for me / i'll feel like i fit in & am doing things right within some structure. & i think maybe he Did have all those other job offers / opportunities & he was at least partly feeling a bit "objectively" confident, & also maybe just hoping he Could be that confident & that, you know, if he goes ahead & acts like that's the case, it could be confirmed / become true....anyways then obviously disillusionment time

since his outfits are introduced here: more "just how i'm interpreting canon" stuff in that i do just suppose he is mostly focusing on comfort & it'd kinda get in the way of things if he couldn't. flipflops might've been a statement piece but also i figure at least in part about the comfort / lack of much opportunity for restriction or ill fit or chafing texture or anything, same goes re: pants & shirts. interesting he likes to wear the patterned layers but doesn't really wear like, stripes or plaid ever. plus it could well be that Just A Tee is too informal unless you're the formalest of all by virtue of position, i.e. the ceo, but also we sure often enough see him wearing hoodies &/or multiple layers, like, maybe that's just for warmth or weight or what have you, always considering "what if it's about being self conchy as well (different way of saying self conscious)"

3x09:

so yeah with winston not having taken another job (at least maybe only like, temporary ones as these self contained gigs / just something to pay the bills) figure it's been a Depressive Period for him here lol & deliberately going on a journey of like self reflection / examination & going "haha yeah hated what i saw" is like, i don't think the self loathing is anything new, the confidence in 3x03 kind of an optimistic bandaid lol like well here's the new me as i understand / hypothesize / hope he could be, totally confident in being backed up by how valuable he is as a quant, then taylor kind of ripped that off and wound's open again but that wound was also not brand new or something he was unaware of / that didn't affect him before now

re: math meetup, i can see that being him presenting more evidence of his talent as a quant but also specifically going "see, i do this collaborative thing" to present this more conciliatory and cooperative approach to taylor, & am also taking it as evidence that he really does Enjoy math / coding stuff beyond it simply being a means to a professional end. i also like to think he has been / continues going to math meetup regularly, at least once a month, maybe every other week, and that it's this semi social event, like the relevant irl group you found back in the day that like, meets up for pizza before and drinks afterwards. i also like to think that, like, while he might come off as A Bit Much during said math meetup / just speak up frequently enough and often enough with some insistence lol, people Are there to meet up about the math and his contributions Are valued despite if his delivery/approach isn't always endearing or whatever. and even if he's not really popular / warmly embraced in the more [socializing event] bookends of the meetup, he's perfectly tolerated, and there's even a person or two or three (also regular attendees) who do vibe with him enough to like, invite / even want him to sit with them / talk with them outside that Math Setting. math meetup pals, maybe he doesn't meet up with these people outside these events but maybe they have each other's contacts and sometimes text. not these intimate personal relationships, but still something real and positive and refreshing. it'd be nice if math meetup could kinda be like what he hoped for from quanting, this way his math lets him "qualify" to access this group / activity, his aptitude "making up for" perceived lack of interpersonal / social charm & charisma & what have you, & having some reliably friendly people around even if of course that's not on its own going to mean he's totally socially fulfilled / not often lonely or anything. hc: he's often lonely & not totally socially fulfilled

he does, of course, want to work for taylor specifically, as long as they want him to, and this is sort of his second chance to find validation through working as a quant lol. think that yeah sure winston likes validation in general, who doesn't but also of course he's maybe a bit Above Average sensitive to / keen on it, but he'll also care about Affirmation if it's coming from people whose opinion he particularly values. think that it's easy to suppose he's also especially sensitive to taylor's assessments here thanks to the fact they really hit a (raw) nerve with him like, sure is the potential to get caught up in feedback loop city & say, have a few months mired in self loathing & an especial lack of certainty & confidence, if someone's kinda gone "i hate your self hatred" lol, but he also Did have this especial interest in / high opinion of taylor before that 3x03 interview, & so that's what continues to be part of it here

but then also interpreting that second 3x09 scene as like, he Does independently Know His Value as a quant and yknow not only has his pride but also can't and isn't going to first and foremost focus on trying to socially perform being peak Accommodating and Appealing here lol. but he still cares about what taylor thinks, wants to work for/with them, and i think it was Mutually Appreciated in the last scene that there was Mutual Effort to cooperate w/the other, giving him a Cue instead of just being mad & obfuscating it unless & until giving up on him completely or w/e is Constructive. interpreting winston as someone who sure can be a bit petty on purpose, especially in the face of some wounded pride (where he seems to take pride in his quant abilities & maybe not much of anything else: see the self loathing otherwise), but isn't really one to be deliberately antagonistic, especially not towards, yknow, the person he specifically wants to appeal to, but he also knows he can come off as grating whether inadvertently or not, so he might be testing the waters a little as well

3x11

he's using headphones even though no one else is in the room, that's a preference / he may also just like to block out other sound in general, as there's no audio of [winston's music faintly playing as / before he takes off his headphones] or indication he paused anything. does he like metal, what with the yngwie malmsteen reference? maybe, but that might just be a Billions Reference thing that isn't meant to indicate much / anything abt the specific character. i don't have any hcs about it anyways besides "okay" if so

first time we see his watch, it's not the calculator watch until s5 but i am a fan of said calc watch....gotta suppose it could represent him being here for the math of it all, what with how fancy/expensive watches are kinda the whole like status / power play thing, and a calculator watch is, afaik, not expensive, these casio calculator watch listings i'm seeing are all priced like, $15 to $25 range. so.

2nd scene is the first time we see sleeves pushed up, a frequent choice, maybe if he's focusing sleeves against forearms / Wrists & Hands can be bothersome. also not the first time he puts his hands in his pockets but i think that's a deliberate choice for winston's sort of Default Pose, equate it to the choice to have jared hang / hold on to his backpack straps.

guess he can also be a bit petty / rude / grating on purpose if ppl are getting in the way of his mathing / coding or otherwise thwarting it, at least probably taylor can relate / sympathize what with them wanting to Get It Right / being bothered if people get it wrong but could've avoided this

noticing all the caffeine and the fact he maybe didn't leave the basement / was powering through that project All At Once....just noting that down as a potential Approach, wanting to not interrupt focus &/or bear down & keep a fairly intense pace until it's finished / stay in the zone or what have you

definitely doing some deliberately cocky Testing / pushing back / amicable power struggle with taylor there, confirming he does have leverage due to that quanting ability after all, Despite His Demeanor / not being "sweet"

by this point definitely consciously kinda wants taylor to rail him.

4x03

i have no concrete hc's of instances inspiring winston to think he's "always seeing the future" but god i wish he did. he's right a lot though, maybe he just notices as much lol

talking mostly to taylor here, then concluding with "i only thought it but didn't say it; doesn't count....damnit." like he wants Their validation thanks, even if recognizing his Win here still wouldn't help them either way....also first time we see him w/coworkers for real, he's really freely Interacting.....time to go ahead and say he'd like to be work friends / at least have friendly interactions at work, might be a bit desperate for such positive social interactions, especially in this environment where he thinks the "objectively" good thing about him is most relevant, but it's cringe & fail (&/or vulnerable to Attack) to outright Want something, like validation / affirmation / a positive response or a simple "yeah you're right" "positive" response

first Space Shirt, followed by ones that are like, also &/Or Sci Fi Shirts. does he like space? i guess so

he's autistic

4x08

here & in 4x11, we don't know how he's gotten this info about taylor re: the arc w/their dad or with axe cap, but he's apparently mused on it on his own like this & isn't just quoting what someone else told him about how taylor must feel about xyz & how that might apply to the situations at hand, even though (unless he cassandra'd it) he wouldn't've had that much cause to suppose it'd definitely be relevant to have ideas about how taylor feels / is navigating a situation & why, maybe he just likes to be prepared like that / stay in the loop but yknow, maybe he's just also interested in them as a person beyond what's most immediately relevant to him doing quant stuff for them

he's already done the sort of kicking himself / wincing / apologizing or agreeing he fucked up an exchange thing before but, the genuine disappointment / momentary discouragement in it always lol....self loathing guy

love how he has these little like, clarifying explanations of things. "total control of the instrument," "always seeing the future," "because i win".....he's out here wanting to communicate to connect & to be understood, not so much as a potential for a power play / status climb and thus a conflict.....can see ppl who are used to / Do see interactions in that light to interpret winston yelling about having won as a like, rubbing it in people's faces show of superiority thing, but pretty sure he's just excited and wants a high five

4x11

having talked about the fact none of the desks in the tmc hq main floor seem to be winston's (& knowing that Could just be wroland not being reliably available to be in the bg of shots lol, analyzing s4 shots for some Consistently Empty desk) but it is fun to also consider that maybe tmc Could've had a secret extension in that that quant haunt in the basement was kept. a little more furnishing and it could be pretty chill, even though the lack of windows might not always be ideal. where's he sit!

also the whole "guy who'd be the first one smothered" moment like, guess i could've mentioned it in 3x03 more but yeah my Headcanon here is that winston maybe has a master's degree, not a phd though (him saying "50 phds" in 3x11 i think was meant to differentiate from him on both points, aka he's 1 guy, without a phd) & this is his first "real" job in any field. b/c i'm guessing like, people are here to get Paid, but as mentioned w/the watch (& just how winston acts in general, he doesn't really seem like he's raring to show off / really take advantage of having money or anything) it doesn't seem like he's, like, the "exceptionally focusing on personally making as much as possible" guy, and lauren's remark seems to emphasize / place the context on winston just not having like, savings from prior salaried years at a job or anything, more of a practical matter, maybe he's out here hoping for some more financial security, also they are all living in nyc, so. on that note, maybe he has an okay apartment but like, not without problems / not absolutely ideal, but it's okay. this would just be Convenient as an hc also lol

don't think the monologue was completely memorized, but it wasn't completely off the cuff either, he'd maybe been brainstorming scripts in his head / had some particular parts solidified word for word, but also hardly think he was guaranteed planning to deliver an admonishlogue at all, seems like it was some important factors that he was just kind of already irritated, nobody was listening / people Were social pressuring him to drop it or not interested in entertaining like "yeah i think you should talk to taylor about it" at all, think it was clear that talking to others was only going to lead to them telling him to drop it / trying to not have anyone say anything to taylor, and then that taylor just jumped in, which i hardly think he was hoping for

always Something that we can expressly see winston moving to sit down in that soon to be empty meeting room as everyone else is clearly filing out lol, like, can see how he might not be able to go "well, back to work" immediately and need some irritation / feeling like shit / guess who just got yeeellllllllllled aaaaaat to burn off, might need some time to absorb "well i guess i just deferred so no bonus as was probably expected," but can also suppose that maybe when winston gets majorly Shut Down he has shutdowns. saying all of four words in the wake of things, otherwise the fact he has this approach of tensing up, not talking at all, kind of just holding onto eye contact as his last way of "properly" participating in the exchange w/o bailing entirely, while also outwardly withering, like clearly these kinds of moments are pretty significantly affecting....feels like he could find it difficult to talk much, or at all, in the wake of some / need some time to recuperate a bit & have some distance & quiet & not just jump back into work like he's having a fine and normal time. sometimes pondering like, not only those notions like taylor insisting winston not be Interrupted when he hasn't technically started talking yet (giving him the buffering / latency time) but also like, fun kinda imagining them sitting across from each other having a texting conversation....or times winston would rather have an exchange via email......or make use of the sticky notes......or just have taylor talking to him and picking up on his nonverbal responses

winston's very Not present in tmc meetups / get togethers this season & again we know that this could be because his actor wasn't very available but it's still the case In Canon that there's only so many tmcers and they're all seeing each other outside work / market hours for varyingly formal or informal purposes & he's never included. & simultaneously hold the hc's that he could be choosing not to go or he could just never be invited in the first place l o l.....in either of these situations the reason for declining to go or being excluded could be up to "b/c other ppl don't like having him around" and idk, best case scenario is he doesn't want to go for some other reason, but he acts pretty okay with the All Hands meetups we do see / when in meetings with the other named employees he's pretty raring to interact with them, so :/

4x12

i do like to think it's fun to imagine What If Taylor Had A Phonecall With Winston Before This Monologue; someone once told me that explaining is an admission of failure, i'm sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart.....just them both having a more sympathetic approach with each other and a sort of dialed back reconciliation, tbt 3x09, without an audience / roomful of other people

do think that his wearing a tmc logo tee into axe cap hq was a deliberate Statement Piece, like wearing flipflops into axe cap in his true first time being there lol

first time we see the backpack, & the headphones (in this season), like the point you (nothingunrealistic) made about the backpack possibly kind of exerting pressure / compression in a Sensory Way. let's see it again

as good a time as any to bring up how it's such a consistent pattern that it Must be a choice that winston smiles in this direction :/ and grimaces / winces / frowns this way :\ but a choice of the actor of course, was it ever a conscious thing on winston's end, would not put it beyond the realm of possibility he's ever consciously thought of stuff like "even if words fail me(tm) i Gotta hang on to eye contact".....i'm thinking of times he is smiling hard enough that you just gotta do it more symmetrically, like here in 4x12

5x01

he likes bagels

think that this could've been another case of "people who are used to interactions used for conflict / power plays / stepping on other people to status climb (axe cappers in general, maybe team ben having to be extra prone to be on the lookout for these strategies when they're more often on the receiving end of them) misinterpreting winston socializing as means of connection (wanting to talk about the common work thread / interest with coworkers)"

even if for some reason quants were cold shouldering axe cappers like, a sound strategy even if team ben are worthy exceptions. Winston Can Get Petty When People Blame Quants Talking About Being Quants For Axe Cappers Harassing Tmc & also when in the process of doing so everyone's like "also you're smarter than us but no you're not, any math quants could do fundamental analysts could do better" like, winston getting more deliberately antagonistic when ppl are going after his Math Aptitude / value as a quant when that's his "objective" point of pride & confidence & possibly like haha self loathing can't get me here

5x02

winston's decimal points being more precise here i think indicates that the show is not taking the stance of "yeah the quants are just any old analysts with an attitude of superiority" lol

do think he selected that particular seating placement b/c it's like, hey furthest away from axe cap, most aligned with taylor's desk & angled towards it, perfect.....what a letdown

guess this episode suggests he and mafee have chats sometimes, and winston maybe confides At All Sensitive Info w/the guy? bold

always just smh like well thank god we were given this subplot where winston was a plot device really for dollar bill's arc or whatever............what a gift

5x03

just noticing as always how winston is the one person saying they should go for it vs the other two's skepticism / trepidation, and taylor decides to go for it.....they do value his input / trust his judgment

i am also noticing how often winston, as the math guy who doesn't really fit in w/ the whole axe / caply approach & style, has this role in giving taylor these crucial opportunities to pursue their own direction rather than be mired down in the misery of axe cap determining everything....3x11 & his algorithm letting them break completely away from axe cap, 4x11 & his admonishlogue making some Points & then next episode taylor does decide to abandon the revenge jag & says they were wrong & they're sorry....5x03 & this nlp strategy plotline being the first thing taylor could actively pursue for tmc after 2 eps of being dragged painfully through axe cap nonsense, & the fact this, in the next episode, leads to the Impact Fund idea / mase carb

5x04

see that last point

5x05

guess that until confirmed, The Glances being significant is a Headcanon Interpretation lol. anyways i do like taylor giving him these discreet, nonverbal cues as a very deliberate method of communication titrated betwixt them

oh right and an Age Cue here, before that was nailed down i think i already hc'd winston as either the same age as, or a year older than taylor, and that's still true lol, think that's how it goes with the timelines (taylor's being kinda uncertain, and winston's as well, having prior just kinda gone "well if taylor's 22 when they show up as the typical post undergrad age, and each season spans approx a year, and maybe winston spent just a year or two post undergrad getting a master's b/c nothing nails down how long it would take & he could've kinda been ahead of the curve as it were, he could be, say, 23 thru 25 in s3 when he shows up, to taylor's Maybe 23" as the Idea)

just wants to work for taylor as long as they'll have him, but would also like to be openly valued / affirmed on a pretty basic level lol...

one of those matters that's like, i do think that this is what the material is Trying to convey but it's not concrete / explicit, in that i think winston somewhat Likes rian right off lol like. i mean he's also still annoyed on principle, this is maybe his replacement & that stings that it's even a possibility & of course he has reason to want to feel like "oh well this person Clearly sucks" lol, but then there he is trying to scope out the situation & get immediate intel & it's like, here's this fellow 20something you immediately think is pretty (the mental comparison to an A lister as a dunk, lmao) & you see her being perfectly friendly with your nice coworker you're also friendly enough with, that's one degree of separation, now here he comes talking about how cool & epic & smart & capable she is, again makes sense he's still first & foremost bothered by the situation & has cause to just be more jealous about how well everyone immediately thinks of her (see: winston making bad first impressions that may never be undone, the fact other coworkers were probably never going around openly impressed with / praising him after meeting him for 5 sec, or like, ever) but i suppose this immediate underlying sense of attraction / affinity hits in that First Sighting as well

love that we see the feet up on the desk show of confidence again, very funny & glad it's back.....a tool in his arsenal for when he's Very Bothered But (unsuccessfully) Acting Very Unbothered / when he's trying to pitch for his employment lol

when did he have a first gf? perfect time for an hc.....feels like it'd have been like, idk, older high schoolers at the youngest, that kind of emotional commentary....or in college. sometimes pondering the idea like, what if he had a bf first actually.....or not, & Feeling A Way around other guys sometimes like, hmm guess i think this guy is pretty cool &/or i'm kinda like "god i wish that were me" about, then some more noticeable Tension as he's older even if he can't really discern the reason b/c this person's pretty nice & cool actually, hmm. then one day you're doing hw together with a while for code to compile & Oh Hey Lol

meanwhile think clearly rian defuses the Reason For Rivalry (and also clearly immediately likes him / interacting with him & you know, outright sticks up for him & in this significant way) & then when they connect over Math it's all coming together very outright like Oh Hey Lol 😳

also he Gets Right Back To Work easily enough, & like, i think already there's a deliberate performance of "i'm now totally unbothered," but he's just pretty good at shaking things off apparently. & he kind of has to be, to not bail completely or else tamp down his own personality / avoid interactions, but you know. plus that like, he may get irritated when his pride's wounded but around here people can have a whole crisis & arc about it if their egos are bruised in the slightest, so like. pretty blasé

5x06

this isn't really any hc or Interpretation by any stretch but this is the first time we've seen winston pull that particular attitude in that second scene with rian and it's beautiful.....if something's bothering him he's so often like outright indignant but this is like, i'm Bothered but i'm being so dignant about it, for like 4 sec

also the bright green hoodie / bright, high contrast, geometric blockbuster tee is so Vivid but like, always noting how he wears relatively colorful outfits. fun to go "maybe this one's deliberately extra eye catching b/c of this new crush" lol

5x07

the difficulty in reading that much into things when the lack of sobriety could be making any & everything an outlier, & can't even really read into "apparently down to take stimulants (beyond caffeine) on a dime" b/c well, so is everyone else, so that this situation can unfold, we knew he had a crush on rian (or i guess we didn't, but this is pretty direct about it), we knew he likes validation, taylor Knows him well enough that it's not just like "oh he's acting weird? well that's winston for you" to them, which we also knew but it's fun to confirm further lol

and now for some more free floating / general concepts

family? i have no idea. feel like he either has no siblings or several but yknow, anything's possible. we know what he's like Now, don't think he got that solid self esteem / self confidence as an emergent quality from [everything that happened to him before 3x03] & don't suppose he has this like, rock solid close warm familial relationship of understanding & unconditional love & support w/whoever he grew up with, parents or siblings or whoever he lived with....like, the relationship/s could be Fine but you know, still not all that close

i don't think he was every completely friendless (or if he was, it didn't last Too long) in terms of like, throughout school maybe he had some pals, no amazing close [fingers crossed Like That] ones where someone had like, grown up as his next door bestie and they did everything together & knew everything about each other, nothing all that close, but he had people to sit with at lunch or what have you, even if at times like, the table nobody else really sits at but the people who don't have anywhere else to sit lmao. maybe some slightly closer friendships here & there, but people often kind of got subsumed into other friend groups that he wasn't otherwise a part of / otherwise just kind of gradually distanced again...but also possible he had perfectly amicable occasions of like, maybe only having a class or two with certain people, not striking up intimate friendships but hitting it off well enough.........like, winston's out here Not having been stomped down into suppressing his personality all the time, he's still fairly earnest & forthcoming & eager to connect, just sort of vaguely going for "he maybe have always had this element of discouragement & disappointment re: socializing / connecting / forming relationships / sometimes just being accepted on a basic level, but he also didn't have his spirit totally extinguished either" although there's also the room for stuff like, yknow, him Holding Out Hope like "well nobody likes me now / i'm unhappy but maybe once i'm in college [gets to college & still isn't having a great time] okay well once i Enter The Workforce" lol. you know

but it's also like, hardly think he's Only Just Now experiencing the [winston: ___ everyone: get his ass] type stuff & pushback & punishment & disdain over not really doing anything but people hate his style & vibe, & feel like there's also still room for like, yep wow got burned sometimes / having had some pretty negative experiences......we do have to end up in this place where, you know, 3x03 happens and he doesn't just go "guess finance isn't for me!" & dust himself off & go get some Guarantees from some tech firms, & instead he's Really Glad [Taylor] Called & hasn't taken some other more desired job between 3x03 & that call & is immediately like "good news: i do hate myself" so like, can't see him having just thrived his way to this point....evidently not all dating relationships have been just epic highs & victories, maybe he has those math meetup pals now & maybe idk there's other people he's in sort of in contact with, maybe people from college / grad school or the like, still not that close, figure he's generally been lonely like, overall, despite regularly enough seeking out / striving for connections

oh yeah speaking of, the idea that he has a cat maybe lol, in part simply for company, a little guy that lives in your house / apartment....but also maybe he doesn't

always just some general notions like, also idk maybe he engages in hobbies, talks to people through that just like with math meetup....talked about the Embroidery idea, got that computers/programming connection, was thinking like, idk fuck it amateur photography, develop your own film, maybe he took a class in college or high school or something, same with like, maybe he plays a musical instrument, said "the cello, why not" about that as an early [shrug] idea lol. he does like space, maybe he does Anything with that....rip to any astronomy clubs In Nyc like, guess you're not seeing shit, but. 4x11 au, after deferring his bonus he goes to some cool cinematographic celestial occasion like taylor & the sea glass fish carousel lmao. taylor catches up & they have their [i'm sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart] exchange lol.....except also not, b/c you wouldn't really want to have Parallels with m/any moments ft. wendy & taylor :/

recalled like a particularly casual / throwaway idea about like "lol what if he was somewhat thalassophobic" in part b/c once actor william dropped that lore abt himself in an interview, but. could have somewhat some other phobia/s. or not really any! what a world

maybe sometimes he's out here like, single & ready to Fuck like, focusing on just hooking up w/people sometimes rather than really looking to date at the juncture, although it could both be true like, he'd Like to be dating but also doesn't really currently want to do all the Putting Himself Out There & such of seeking it out / trying to consciously navigate it, but sometimes it's more manageable like, just wanting to have sex. looking out for himself when he can & how he can lol

speaking of, some vague sexy hcs

gets pegged

especial fan of Tongue Against Tongue texture, enjoys some Grounding elements to avoid being overwhelmed / narrow things to the more relevant sensory input at hand, like the weight/pressure of a partner leaning / lying against him / holding him tightly, if he's overwhelmed in a good way / kinda got some sensory overflow in a good way he might cry during sex In A Good Way lol, took some time maybe in his Personal Sexual Experience to figure out some general differences in "what he doesn't like at all" or "what's off the table / too unpleasant for him at some times but Not necessarily at all times & might be completely enjoyable sometimes," like, am i willing to perform oral sex, am i willing & Enthusiastically so, is that way too much actually, it can be all of them at varying times....maybe in more everyday general situations he refrains from stims in front of others unless stressed enough, but while having sex with someone especially if at all nervous it's like, there can be this transition between repressing stims & being more unfiltered / uninhibited where they kind of build up & then come through in kicks only to be reined back in, either like, he simply does go for a more reined in approach the whole time or anyone else is willing to ride this out with him / he kind of has the time & space to figure out more of a flow, in which case he might still stim but you know, not as though people aren't used to stims in this situation, i.e. reacting to stimulation with movement & vocalization is at least expected & it could once again be like "well he's a bit weird with it but hey" lol or you know, not that some partners can't be understanding or have had experience w/similar partners. hardly make or break but this can be a vulnerable interaction here / hard to shake the self consciousness & sense of "i Do have to filter myself and act The Right Way" all at once just b/c you'd want to

hey and let him sing karaoke or something lmao, winston is as Dramatic as he is, he would give a performance. work in a way to let everyone who sings sing around lol, could throw in some Affectations so that it's like yeah winston can sing without having to be like "wow winston, when'd you become a trained broadway performer" lmao. imagine. which reminds me of the time will joked about like, oh yeah winston Gets That A Lot re: people recognizing he looks like the guy in deh, aka will roland....the limitations of "this is set in real nyc" including occasional references to recent / popular shows, fuck it maybe will roland does also exist in the billions universe. well anyways it would be fun. the karaoke anyways, and that he'd give a top tier Performance whether or not people are first and foremost enjoying his technical / artistic skill at the art of singing, it'd at least be personality infused and engaging

taking it way back to the ideas about winston's social misadventures in general, i'm sometimes considering for fics i never end up writing if he might have some like, misgivings / anxieties about like, is this person i Like acting like they maybe Like me back as some kind of elaborate joke, & maybe the caution comes from experience like you know, classic over the line "pranks" like asked out As A Joke, kissed As A Dare that he wasn't aware of, think there could be like, would be Friendship / friendly acquaintanceship experiences in there where such "pranks" / "jokes" / "messing with him" (and not in a good way) could happen, or even just you know, more Spontaneously, don't even know this person & he's treated as a joke for other ppl's entertainment, realizing at the time or retrospectively like oh maybe i was more being bullied then having any positive social interaction / getting to feel at least "included" or what have you, like, the idea of getting to hang out with a group as The Funny Guy, but he's had these experiences getting to hang out with a group & realize it's b/c they thought he was funny / Amusing in a laughing At him, not with him way, which is easy also b/c winston isn't really out here trying to be funny that we've seen lol. only realizing he was still being excluded after some time / distance from the situation, or escalating open hostility / just more blatant meanness / over the line shit from some people, maybe some stuff that just immediately feels shitty but he figured was just like, well idk, maybe that's normal & still friendly, maybe it also felt more outright embarrassing / demeaning at the time but it's like haha yeah you got me :'] at the time just to save any face lol.....possible unexpected / spontaneous amicability in his socializing history, but also shittiness, whether it's coming at him all at once or he's kind of holding out hope like, well, i just keep at it / have a Friendly attitude here and surely i'll make friends b/c if people didn't like me At All why are they talking to me / letting me be here at all.....

always kind of pondering Fashion Variation, we haven't seen it but it could be possible, musing on "what would he think Looks Good On Him / how does he feel capable of like, dressing for romantic success or what have you lol" like, was the vivid 5x06 outfit anything, cue the drawing like, a bralette & short shorts is shaking it up and could be a Felt Cute outfit and could also be comfortable enough....not always That much room in men's(tm) fashion before you start having to be aware of [Gender] and dunno that winston out here has had the inspiration / motivation / opportunity to consider / try out / explore but hey. what are we here for

just remembered that post like "uhh i just saw a guy crying in the library & then his phone alarm went off & he stopped crying, opened his laptop & started typing / it's called time management" lmao like winston's not out here having the Most amazing time, he could have such Time Management experiences of like, letting it out some on purpose but then reining it right back in, and/or just like some spontaneous paroxysms of crying for a minute or two more unexpectedly in a "do you ever [experience a tiny inconvenience] & realize the thread by which you're hanging on is quite thin" way or otherwise, you know, oops experienced this frustration & now i'm crying over it, or idk, just feeling a bit more vulnerable for whatever reason & something has unexpectedly plucked some emotional string attached to another string attached to another & the resonance = i'm crying now ig. he can't be Thriving out here & i don't think he's all about having such a stranglehold on emotions that he's like oh tf i Never cry (aside from having sex, in a good way)

although speaking of like, emotional repression, maybe he's out here just "good at" compartmentalizing some experiences lol in that "well anyways, back to work" way & stuff like, sure he knew he was risking it in 4x11 but it also did not seem to affect his dynamic with mafee at all lmao like wow.....

think that him not really having anything on his work desk is a choice / preference but also am not sure that that really applies to anything else lmao. what if he had a little plant. that'd be funny

oh yeah and the idea that winston might literally have like prophetic dreams & they're just kind of a nuisance to him but sometimes they can be plot devices in fics (that don't exist) about him kissing people

well i'm just calling it a night there lol but like, it always feels Lacking writing out hc's like, plenty of ideas but also hardly any, and yet the fact that other individual ideas are so Vague / casual that it wouldn't be like "oh i gotta share this via post or manifesting it some other way" so then it feels like, oh no, if i don't list absolutely Everything on something that's specifically a list of hc's, i can never talk about whatever gets left out......and just that like, i ought to have a bunch of really specific, concrete, unique Factoids about winston here to be of any interest but hey lmao. that hypothetical set of concepts is never gonna happen, & the Ultimate Comprehensive List Of Everything I've Ever Pondered Re: Winston is also going to be difficult lmfao (not as though that's what you've asked in the first place) but you know, we took a swing at things here & covered some ground & the thinking about & talking about winston never ends, & this isn't really a post meant to have broad appeal / if you're not already having fun reading vague musings about the quant then i'm sorry you're reading this after having read all that and gone "wow, i'm disappointed" lmao but hey, weird choices made to bring you to this point......also god knows plenty of hcs are more filed away under specific like [Tayston], [Benston], [Riawin] sort of things (lol, [Mafon]) b/c on the one hand, i find it easier to kind of think in Scenarios and the details particular to the "scenes" therein, but i am also not good at thinking of those scenarios! out here operating on vibes, he's autistic and wants to kiss taylor (also now rian but that's kinda right in canon, not just my head) and that's really the crucial info here

#winston billions #nothingunrealistic #posting these things at 7am lol just had to give this a shot all at once really #there was never going to be a concise & comprehensive post here so just gotta go for it #certainly vs trying to think up that beautiful engaging collection of concrete hc's & thus never writing Anything lol #and anyways it's also like; this is a niche post for an even nicher audience so #quantnoisseur is about having fun and being yourself. for me #thanks again for returning the favor!! do love the opportunity here #again hope i don't like recall three dozen obvious things i should've included once i post this but

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