#maybe later after a nap
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uh oh. I can't imagine mixing a virus with a wayward executable can lead to anything good..... what do you mean it just gave him the flu,
FINALLY, at LONG LONG LAST; Thierry's OFFICIAL Lovebug AU rendition! in which the man quite literally gets bugged. with love! & with sick nasty
truly a lesson to all to watch what you download from your emails!
( the lovebug AU concept belongs to @things1do ~ )
#uwu art#The Stanley Parable#The Stanley Parable Ultra Deluxe#TSP Narrator#Lovebug AU#THERE WE GO HE'S OUT THE DOOR#i'll elaborate on him later. perhaps after a nap#which i will now go & have i just had to get him out#AS PROMISED#men who smell like candy & Fucking Illness#FUN FACT; the left & right thierrys started out as lovePLAGUE references first before i altered them some#i mean same premise in essence he's still sopping wet & uselessly pathetic & lovey dovey#but i can't stress enough he's not as terrifying as the right would lead you to believe#unless you're a germaphobe. maybe#I'LL ALSO ADD a more detailed reference of his eyes later & may enlarge these later bc they're pretty small#BUT anyway
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hiii I was wondering, is it just me or does it feel like Yesod would spontaneously combust the nanosecond his little walnut brain realizes "hey they might not be visiting me just to bother me about paper" ? in reference to your funny Blue Cheese/Netzach/Yesod post
also how often do you think Chesed is haunted by Chuck-E-Cheese ?
genuinely cant think of anything funny to say in reaponse all outa ideas it got drained out of me into the lobcorp machine to get on the stupidest of grinds for this . feels like it would go all quiet up in there before going back into existence to fully process the fact . exaggerated for a sad attempt at humor
on regards to chuck e cheese not quite exactly the idea presented but i havent slept in awhile so i hope this slight tangent regarding the idea will suffice. i think it haunts him like an ever present oil stain thats just faded but when youre having a nice day pops up to remind you of its existence. not quite sure how it haunts as its not necessary good nor bad but it sure does never leave. if we are talking literal apparition haunting deal. maybe like on weekends
does the city have a chuck e cheese. did chesed ever experince the very grungy experience of a chuck-e-cheese. is there some sort of abnormality that took on its form akin to how fragment of the universe tried to change its appearance in order to communicate its intent though crayon scribbles and hearts but for the mascot of chunky cheese to communicate the . pain of entertainment joints or smthn. ill never know . hopefully ill stay ignorant to such matters
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#this is so stupid im so sorry. even by my standards i regret having caffeine at 9 why did i think it would be funny#there is no activity inside my brain. absolutely nothing. its almost liberating if not a little weird.#will i see this after taking a nap and go 'yeah i totally posted that at 3am that sure is a 3am post'#probably. will i do anything abt it? yeah go back to sleep maybe until i need to rush out the front door#.... .. . do i even want to tag acrually. yeah sure#yesod lobcorp#chesed lobcorp#netzach lobcorp#i GUESS. im ntot going to get into an argument w myself ill decide later if it counts or not#i keep am worried abt ooc but then i realized its. afuckin g thing about paper and chuckecheese. i dont care anymore#and then o felt the warm embrace of liberty. maybe im losing it a bit i should just post this and get over the ever present shame
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Linktober Day 9
Deity
*sneezes after downing coffee* Well irl stuff got in the way so I'm way behind my original schedule for these and for Linktober but here we go with another arguably short one, fuelled purely by self indulgence, headcanons, spite against my linguist essays that kept me from keeping to schedule, severe sleep deprivation, a shout out to the Ender Lilies soundtrack and Majora's Mask soundtrack, and Nintendo for not clarifying anything about the lore so I'm snatching what I can and making it my own lol. Look, when you fíxate so much on details the Zelda team doesn't elaborate on you have to fill in the gaps with what you can.
As always can be read as romantic or platonic, technically in a LU context but not explicitly in it by itself.
The Lord of the Mountain liked hearing people sing.
In a way, it wasn’t a surprise, Hylia and the Golden Three each had their ballads and symphonies and minuets, each splendid and with cuts of their divinity in it, Farore was fond of lightning and forest alive minuets, and you could swear Farosh sparked just a bit brighter when one would him the beginnings of the Minuet of the Forest near their spring, Din was fond of boleros, fiery and alive and howling with the echo of flame touching earth that made a shine run through Dinraal’s scales, Nayru, in contrast, was much fonder of blizzard and river quiet serenades, the songs of contemplation at first snow ringing clear when Naydra curled around it’s spring, content to be free of Malice.
And of course Hylia had her ballads and lullabies, perfectly fitting to her display of divinity, of honey days and vast bird like wings, of ambered summers to come and to pass and dazzling solar storms of starlight and sunlight sparking through the human form of her descendants and heroes. So in a way, you weren’t surprised at all that the Lord of the Mountain – Satori, with a familiar touch of londsleite divinity, the hunt of the woodland beasts and diamondscar adoration for the Hero of the Wilds, similar in glory to the Light Spirits petrichor and vermeil fondness for the Hero of the Twilight – liked to listen to people sing. What you were surprised was how it attempted to follow along, it’s head across your lap the second you sat down in the clearing, a gentle hum on back of it’s throat, an owl’s cry and a cicada’s humming and faintly, chirring purring as presses it’s faces into your hands, a gentle request for petting.
It was adorable, even with the faint notes of the chill of clear spring water on winter and the livewire feeling of magic, like holding your hand too close to a flame but not quite touching it.
A low chuckle brushes against the back of your mind, a feeling like biting on ice, the prowl of a wild beast and the build up of lightning and light used to create his blade, the amused affection of a warrior reconvening with their brother in arms, you think you see the bone ivory of the Deity’s hair on the side of your vision, though you know he’s not physically there, ‘He likes you.’
You hum, gently patting behind it’s ears, pushing through the chill, gracefully not mentioning the burning with a smile at the mythic being’s faint chirring, birdsong and the wind through cherry blossoms that sparkle like rose quartz, “Well I quite like him too, I can see where it’s gentleness comes from.”
The ghost of a touch over your hair, the caress of lightning striking over your skin and the hair on the back of your neck pricking up and the crisp cold of winter, the chill of the ending and the flame of a new dawn, of new days, the phantom of magnolias and spring water on your tongue. The fragrance of pine, daffodils and blood soaked lilies on ashen fields on your senses, gentle and careful, marking but not claiming, ‘Only because it’s you, beloved. It’s not something easily given.’
You sigh, shakily composing yourself, you let yourself relax into the phantom sensation. Of hopes and dreams and healed suffering, of the divinity of hunt turned into protection and lightning given form, of tangled timelines and crystalized memories, “I know. It does not change my opinion, either way.”
To be the subject of a god’s care and regard was dangerous, after all. For the human and the deity in question, you know the stories from your world well, of the effects of Hylia on First and Sky, of Twilight and the personification of the Twilight Realm and the spirits of his land, of Wild and clawing from death’s embrace into that of the wilderness.
Knew how the fact the Fierce Deity’s mere proximity causing pain on those who changed him into hunting for hunt’s sake into protection for the sake of someone else cut deeper than even the ever encroaching entropy all beings must one day face. It was no wonder the Song of Healing was his creation, to want to ease the burden.
You gladly grant him some peace, in turn, even if it wasn’t much. It’s the least you can do, for always having his ways of watching over your heroes.
“Join me? We can make a duet.”
You feel more than see him shift, ephemeral, fleeting, gentle against the edges of your existence, as foreign to Hyrule as your own, sparking over your spine as you feel ozone and rust on your teeth. Satori is humming again to match the rumble of thunder in the man’s voice, the heralding of songs of war and elegies for the dead, ‘Of course, though I’m afraid I do not know many songs, besides…’
“It’s alright,”, you smile faintly, there’s a white ocarina in his hands, as he leans, a spectre against your side, “I’ll teach you some of my own, though you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t remember all the lyrics.”
‘It would be my honor to learn.’
You think he smiles, from the fluttering of something ancient and long forgotten against your side.
You sing to Satori and the Chain, a small respite of familiar and forgotten tunes, the Lord of the Mountain hums along. The Fierce Deity’s song cutting through any nightmares that may ail your heroes for another night.
When the dawn of a new day comes, the feeling of divinity against your skin feels just a bit more obvious, sinking into every crack of your being like a shroud, falling over your boys like a veil, reflecting the breath of eternity over Hyrule.
(First gives you a look that’s half exasperation, half understanding. Sky pointedly sticks to your side as Time looks you over, markings deep with vibrant color. You shrug with a helpless smile as you feel the lightest brushes of Hylia’s fond days of gold and starlit summers days against the Lord of the Mountains warm, luminous affection and the Fierce Deity’s smug, but content lonsdaleite smile.)
#linked universe x reader#fierce deity x reader#is this after Majora?#Is Fierce Deity really there or just manifesting due to being fond of Reader and living in their head rent free?#Is Hylia jealous because she couldn't stake a claim first?#Did he create Satori in this?#That's for future Summer to know and y'all to find out lol. Though this does reference the theory he's the one who sealed Majora#The divinity of Hyrule changes people the closer they are to it#Fierce Deity is both a warrior/demon god and the hopes and dreams of the people of Termina and that duality is fascinating in this essay-#Really I believe that Fierce Deity doesn't mean to harm his users or people who aren't enemies#But the Eldritch Vibes ™ are so much even when he's toning it down it's a slippery slope#Good thing Reader is a divinity magnet just from proximity to the Chain and can put it aside#Plus Time putting on the mask as either Sprite/Mask change the FD as much as he changed him and same for First and Hylia#summer writes linktober 2023#summer writes#maybe I'll add more tags or elaborate later idk I need a nap and to work on the other prompts
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waking up before your alarm is truly one of the most betraying experiences
#especially on a saturday!! after a week of Activity!! i want to sleep!!#alas. my cousin is leaving this morning and i need to get groceries.#………maybe i will nap later.#the life and times
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hold on we may have just won the insomnia lottery
#chonny went to sleep w the body and then woke up and is like Im still tired :) goodnight and im just like ??!!!!!!#EVEN AFTER YHE WHOLE 'ACCODENTALLY TAKE A NAP BEFORE 12 AND WAKE UP AN HOUR LATER FULLY AWAKE' DEAL????#something's wrong with this guy i need to study him in a lab. this is amazing. maybe our ass will get some sleep NORMALLY FOR ONCE#pk;m Electrochemistry🔴#bro why are you so sleepy. all he's DONE TODAY Is sleep. im amazed#HE MADE US SLEEP IN TIL 4#WHAT FUCK!!!
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Woe, unfinished, mildly edited, fulfire fic tid-bits be upon you
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Like a magnet, his optics kept drifting back to Misfire's face. His stupid, strangely charming face.
For a short while, after Clemency, it had been that face that haunted some of his nightmares. His recalls blurring the lines between the strange reality of Misfire's hands reaching into him to lock his fuel pump back into the very spot he'd pulled it from, and the fear that just as easily he could pull it out again. They had been bloody dreams. Dreams that had him startling awake, gripping his chest in the vain attempt to close what wasn't open, before spending the rest of the day avoiding Misfire's optics.
But now things were different. Not Misfire's face. No, that hadn't changed much. But Fulcrum's dreams had definitely changed. To say the least of what all rolled around in his processor as he slept nowadays.
Some of those newer dreams had crept to the forefront of his mind as he sat there on the couch, staring as the lights of the screen reflected dully across Misfire's plating in hazy blues and greys.
The lighting made his colors seem muddy and faded, but Fulcrum didn't really care, nor did he care to think what it made himself look like. He was too busy bringing an empty engex can to his lips while he watched the crinkle of Misfire's nose as he barked a laugh at something Fulcrum didn't catch onscreen.
He'd started noticing it months ago, all the ways the silvery mesh of Misfire's face would scrunch up with his emotions. Those little crinkles along his optics and nose when he laughed or glared. The creases indented along his cheeks when he grinned. Fulcrum found himself quietly logging away these little details. Idle notes and observations that had suddenly started piling up in the corners of his processer.
He… He'd never really done that before? He'd never really noticed those sorts of things in other mechs.
The faces and expressions of his past colleagues never seemed terribly important. All the details of every smile and frown were never worth filing away, outside of few notable moments where those expressions reflected his work performance. But besides the smile that meant promotion, and the frown that meant he'd screwed up, nothing else was noticeable. Nothing was worth remembering.
But now the memory of every genuine laugh that bubbled out of Misfire sat comfortably besides memories of warm joyful optics that Fulcrum found himself collecting every time Crankcase cracked a rare half-smile for him, or when Krok placed a reassuring hand against his back, or the times Spinister spontaneously pointed out something odd but ultimately nice about his stupid frame.
He didn't really know why he was doing it, memorizing all these mundane little things, just to have them flit through his processer randomly. Maybe it was because those expressions, those details, felt… comforting? Comforting in such a strange and unfamiliar way. But, a good way. A good sort of strange, much like the mechs themselves.
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He had stared for a long moment, the credits and their rolling tune playing somewhere in the background as Fulcrum stared back. But Misfire was never one for personable silence, even as the sound of some likely long dead Iaconian orchestra filled the room.
"What is it?" He asked, a small chuckle escaping him as he brought a hand to his face, "Don't tell me I've poured it all over myself again."
It had taken Fulcrum longer than usual to unstick his glossa from the roof of his mouth as he watched Misfire run a thumb over his lips, but eventually he had coughed out a small, choked, "No."
That had earned him an odd look at first, but with their fields loose and open, Fulcrum could almost feel the exact moment something clicked in Misfire's mind, as the idle comfortable static he projected in pulsing waves evened out into something openly curious and almost subdued.
It wasn't often Fulcrum felt him that clearly.
Misfire tended to keep his field fairly close, though, maybe not as close as the others did, what with how Crankcase kept an iron grip on his, and how Krok's always held an air of strained control, even when it slipped from him. But still, Misfire's was always hard to read, no matter the reach or depth of his field.
Even then and there, with it loose and unfiltered and buzzing with the engex running through his system, there was an ever present undertone of something indescribably jumbled about him, like too many feelings at once, each too vast and hurried for Fulcrum to really feel or understand.
It always seemed to stir the passive anxiety Fulcrum must've been forged with when Misfire's field brushed against his own. As facing the indescribable vague mess of Misfire felt like trying to untangle a pile of live-wires he couldn't even see.
It was almost frustrating in a sense, the need to try and sort and understand what wasn't even his to begin with. But at the same time it was almost exciting as well. It was like a game, like a puzzle he had yet to solve.
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Finally letting his own can go tumbling to the floor to join Misfire's, Fulcrum had brought a hand to cover his face as he drew his legs up and leaned back against the arm of the couch, trying to suppress the fit as the sly look slipped from Misfire's face at the sounds.
While Fulcrum had laughed, and… snorted, embarrassingly, he had felt Misfire's field change again, brushing something fizzy and almost warm against his plating as Misfire's features softened.
"I'm looking at you," Fulcrum had said then between gulps of air, letting his hand fall from his face as he reached out to poke at Misfire's chest, "Dumbaft."
His finger had lingered over the thick plating there for maybe a little longer than necessary, drawing Misfire's attention as it slid down a little before pulling away.
Looking back up again with his helm angled slightly, Misfire had followed the sight of his hand leaving his plating to where Fulcrum let it fall between them.
"Wow…" Misfire had chuckled a little dryly, "I was gonna make it real easy for you. I was going to say something like, ''Do you like what you see?'' or-��� or something like that. But now you've ruined it. Good job."
Meeting Fulcrum's optics again as he pulled his own hand back from Fulcrum's shoulder, he brought it to rest between them as well.
"And you're laughing at me," He said next, faking a small pout as his hand drifted closer to Fulcrum's, "Which totally ruins the whole vibe I was going for really. I mean, it's sort of hard to be all nice and suave-like when you're being laughed at. Total vibe killer. Bit of an ego killer too if I'm being honest. So thanks for that loser, thanks for saying I have a funny face."
With Misfire's fingers brushing distractingly past his own, Fulcrum didn't think before the words stumbled out of him.
"I like your face."
It came out almost matter of fact sounding, Fulcrum's laughter having died down while Misfire complained about it. But at the same time the words felt so simple, they came out so easily, and in a weird way they felt nice to say. But Misfire's optics had widened in surprise, his frame frozen and his field suddenly struck quiet, and despite the engex numbing his usual nerves, Fulcrum felt a sudden pang of anxiety because of it.
The silence in Misfire's field was terribly alien. It felt wrong, and something in Fulcrum spiraled to think he had caused it. But slowly, almost as if it were creeping forward, an odd almost scrutinizing uncertainty fanned outward in a careful wave. Misfire moved with it, leaning closer as he searched Fulcrum's expression for something.
"Oh yeah?" He'd said lowly then, and that sly look returned. But that vague uncertainty didn't fade with it, if anything, Fulcrum felt it strengthen. Caught between what he saw, in Misfire's easy smile and dimmed optics, and what he felt, in the growing hollow distance within their fields, Fulcrum found himself frowning and pulling back.
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Growing frustrated with himself, and wanting that feeling back, he had pushed forward, shifting onto his knees as he reached for Misfire's face before the other could pull away from him entirely.
"I like your face." He said firmly, maybe too firmly. His expression still drawn into a frown as he pressed his fingers into Misfire's helm, brushing his thumbs across the silver mesh he'd been staring so intently at before. "I like your optics, and your nose. I- I like the way you smile. When you really smile, and when you laugh. I do. I'm not lying."
And oh there it was again, that little curl of warmth in Misfire's field. Almost a tangible thing, like a brush of ventilation, but Misfire wasn't venting. His mouth hung open ever so slightly, but no breath left him as he stared at Fulcrum with widening optics.
Spurred on by that tiny bloom of warmth, Fulcrum chased after it with slightly slurred words and clumsy hands as he tried to fix whatever he'd done wrong, hoping with each word that Misfire might soften and smile again.
"I like your expressions, and- and I like your voice," He said, glancing down at Misfire's parted lips, and laughing softly, nervously, as he continued, "Even when you say something so stupid. I like- I like the way it sounds. I like your accent, I like the way it makes your words sound. I- I like your- your mouth?"
Once more that weird but nice feeling settled in Fulcrum's chest. Those simple words felt good to say. It felt like a weight off his shoulders, like an admission he'd been waiting to say. About what and why? He wasn't really sure. But the warmth grew, and Misfire took a sharp vent inwards, and that felt right, so Fulcrum kept on.
"I like your helm," He said with a smile, reaching up to brush his fingers over the jutting finials there, before dropping his hands to settle lightly over Misfire's chest. "I like your frame, the colors of it. I like your-"
Before he could finish, Misfire was surging forward, knocking their helms together and nearly bruising the mesh of their noses as he tried for, and just barely missed, Fulcrum's lips.
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👁👁👍
#just gonna go ahead and share this before i think too hard about it and chicken out lol#idk. this has been sitting unfinished for a while now. but i'm fond of it and keep going back to re-read it. so?? yeah. idk#maybe i'll get around to finishing it. i like writing out all the like. sensory stuff with this. lots of neat stuff to try with em fields#also fulc being a very earnest drunk lol. and mis trying to be all casual and smooth despite balking in the face of it bcs he's a hot mess#i dunno. i think the og idea behind this was kinda turning the reassurance around to mis. just sorta breaking him down with nice words#fulc is usually on the receiving end of comfort and reassurance. not always. but enough so that it had me thinking bout it other ways round#idk. ultimately its like. just slapping mis with a mild praise kink and seeing what happens when fulc just says nice things to him#the bar is so low for them. fulc is like 'i like your face' with conviction and mis is half-way to keeling over bcs. damn. he needed that#my fav flavor of this is just them approaching romance from two drastically different angles. not on the same page. different books lol#mis plays it all like a surface level game. he's just trying to keep things light and airy. but fulc is going right for the kill#also hitting fulc with the demi romantic/sexual beam adds another fun layer to it all-#-this isnt his playing field. but he's sure as hell winning without really knowing why#ok. i've been up for way too long. was on sick dog duty overnight. its like 8am now and i haven't slept a wink lol#so if there's errors or smth sounds off. idk. pretend you didn't see it. ill fix it later. or i wont. idk. toodles <333#(also this is barely the tip of the iceberg fic wise. depending on how i feel bout this after a nap? might share bits of the big ghost fic-#(-cause that ones at like. 24k-ish now??? and thats only the 1st chap and half of the 2nd. its the fulc sees ghosts concept on steroids)#fulfire#my writing
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Anyway how is everyone doing
#had to get up at 6 in the morning and therefore had 4 hours of sleep today (a weekly occurence pretty much)#so i just took a nap which took all evening and i'm still tired yayyyyy. because naps only work how they should about 10% of the time#and also i did nothing else today because sleep and now i'm truly wondering what to do with myself anymore#meanwhile i have to get up and go to school again tomorrow 😑 and the day after that 😑 and the day after that 😑#or i could drop out again and have nothing else to do anyway and continue rotting in my room#(whether it's my dorm room or my actual room doesn't matter). what's the pointtttttt#might be reaching some kind of limit or maybe i'm truly just dramatising and should just chill about it all#save me 4 hours of music listening now probably. idk man#got my minimal amount of social interaction today in the form of riding the elevator with 3 of the ppl from my course#when i could have (and normally would have) just taken the stairs instead#i feel like i made a big important step today that will help me later on through this year (no not really)#at least one thing i've noticed recently is that i might have the reverse of what is i guess is usually called seasonal depression#in the sense that now that it's chilly and cloudy and it gets dark earlier i feel like i'm finally LIVING in a way#the good effect of that will probably pass after a week or two though#but also just a bit over a month left now until my birthday and then my long awaited trip!!#anyone else get unreasonably excited for their birthday each year even though there's never anything special about it in the end#and that only makes the day more depressing lol#ok whatever i'm done whining now i think. music time then#celebrating (a bit late) one year of gratsax and lil beethoven today. some of the albums of all time for me personally#goosepost
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tired today from being put in the Hallucination Loop for the night by one of our persecutors. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#🖋️ | alchemist's musings#i'll take a nap later#probably#after work#and maybe some schoolwork#but that nap will happen sometime
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going to try not to cry a little on the train. because it’s my birthday.
#my friend wants to go to a bar later sorry I have to eat a pizza and maybe cry and nap immediately after work#so that I don’t do anything rash. amen#so unbelievably tired and stressed still#my problems would be partially remedied if I could go to church tomorrow but I work every day forever in the world <3
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love how sleep deprivation is making me write more than I have in the last few days
#・ ˖ ✦ ⋄ . AUTHOR OF THE STARS ❝ ooc. ❞#is this the secret guys did i crack the code?#its currently *checks clock* 9:30am#I’ve been awake for 3 hours barely#I’m running on 4 hours of sleep rn#I’m gonna crash out later just you wait and see#AND ITS RAINING RIGHT NOW….maybe I’ll take a nap after i write a bit more
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[ gets up. does one thing. goes back to bed.
#outofshadows#rp tag|#[ for real though#[ fuck me I guess for going to bed on time or whatever#[ I'm exhausted#[ at least I managed to eat something and take all my vitamins and shit so...#[ not a total loss#[ maybe I'll be back later after a very long nap
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why the fuck do i miss pigeons
#don't ask me i am going thru it today#ebhehbbehbhebhabh#i miss pigeons dude#oooh the poor little domesticed cuties#kate rambles from here#this is a small detail of the feeling i am feeling#like post leaving nyc is wrecking havoc on my psyche#i don't want to be in the fucking great plains#a few irls don't understand my want for city life- and i didn't know it was this bad until staying there for 4 days-#but my mom's whole family is from the city- i just feel so at home there- and everything i've inherited that way is in my blood#and i just wanna bawl my eyes out#i have been quite a bit but like ik i have a goal now- to move into the city- i've always had that goal to at least move to the city near m#but like nyc was like being somewhere i felt i wanted- it's not that i'm looking to make it big- i miss the noise the water and pigeons#around here you'll hear the occasional car go by- and crickets- i miss the city lights- i keep crying about it for so many reasons but#i just don't know how to actually express it?#because it's such an odd feeling for me to feel? because if yknow me well- i love being at home- i hate sleeping somewhere else-#taking a trip down south this last christmas- i couldn't stand the quiet- it's quieter the more south you go and i can't do this#i've always wanted to leave my small town but ?? like actually being somewhere that has felt home has been unattainable bc every#where in oh hasn't been home... and for once i felt like i could do this- and having to return here- just made me break down and cry#maybe it's the person i live with- that makes me wish to leave- but that's not the full truth- idk maybe a good nap will help#kate rambles#i have a life goal now but i wish i could do it now- i hope sooner rather than later i'll at least live in the city#i've been happily living but now i have a direction i wish to run towards- and i'm gonna chase after it#sure i miss seeing tbz i loved seeing them- but it's not even post concert depression- if that makes sense?#which it doesn't make sense- because for mx it was only pcd- but for nyc it's missing the city... and it feels awful#pls ignore this i just needed to be frustrated somewhere#ig knowing what i'm missing- i can finally work on filling that spot huh? i guess that's what i'll be doing#(also vv small point but the fact that one of the people i live with- refuses to ever visit nyc again- is so comforting to me)#pls don't send me an ask about this i just needed to ramble and i haven't caught up on my daily journal yet to do so- so this is here
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starting ITNL editing
wahoo!
#speculation nation#itnl shit#i'll probably nap after i edit before doing my homework. but i do want to get this done sooner rather than later#so im editing before my nap.#could be... an hour or two? maybe longer but not too much longer#so there will be an ITNL update in the next few hours. Look Forward To It.
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I feel like the weight of the last week is finally hitting me and I maybe need to sleep for 48 hours but I just drank a ton of caffiene so I guess I'm gonna read instead.
#maybe next time I go thru a natural disaster bandaging my emotions with memes is not the way#the problem is that when people around me are panicking my natural response is to be calm#its not so much a 'mom friend' function as a 'someone's gotta lead and everyone else is falling apart so I guess its gotta be me' function#so anyway the last week I have been holding myself and my neighbors together and now its friday and I am alone and its all kinda hitting#im emotionally fine I'm just EXHAUSTED#and I'm trying not to focus on the 'what ifs' but i could have lost my house#i could have lost my car#i almost did#tbh I probably could have died last saturday in the chaos of the disaster#and everyone was panicking so much that I am only just now getting to process#ANYWAY HAHA#sorry to get personal#tags on my blog are my journal sorry#personal#prolly gonna delete this later after a hot nap#but I gotta burn off the caffiene first
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h
#ive been finally trying meds for my adhd and i think current one is working but#if im not super productive every day i feel bad#bc this is supposed to help#but idk what's a reasonable amount of productivity when it's finals and ive been rawdogging life up to this point#are the meds actually helping or am i just experiencing adhd stress response. who knows!!!#are they not working or am i burned out!! who knows!!!!!!!!!#i did just finish being extremely fucking stressed and working all day every day to stay caught up#so maybe i deserved to do fuck all this last weekend#but it feelsbad#idk im doing so much different from usual i cant tell if thats bc of the meds or if it wouldve gone like this anyway#man.#i feel like it's making me change plans unexpectedly more and it's fucking me up#or mahbe im just doing that#idk. ill see how i am after finals#there's too much to do and im way too small i wish i could just nap and read and play games for a bit#but my ps3 is still dead and i cant replace it until june or later probably#i have other games but i wanna play tales#and finish the sotc playthrough i was in the middle of#also i still have finals#;-;
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Missing Kotone hours, I need to play p3p again.
#aria rants#me getting attached to the protags of both p5 and p3 (well only half for p3 cuz its kotone for now)#makoto will get his turn after im done with my first playthrough of p3p maybe#wanna see the difference with the story between makoto and kotone#for now tho i nap. then ill get to playing (and maybe watching p5 as well) later!
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