#but generally the only way i get over stuff is to distance myself

[honeyrosepetals]

im so terribly sad. id like to stop being sad. not sure how to do that.

[candlebel]

I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.

[mcflymemes]

BARBIE (2023) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the film, adjust as necessary

i'm definitely not thinking about death anymore!

i've never seen this kind of malfunction.

am i being too technical?

if you ask me, you're responsible for this, too.

to be honest, when i found out the patriarchy wasn't just about horses, i lost interest.

i just gave you a choice so you could feel like you're in control!

how will i get back?

this happened once before.

i just don't want to leave!

you'll be such a hero to them!

i feel appreciated but not ogled.

i hate it when people think. i'm so bored.

the faster i figure this out, the faster we get home.

i'm not pretty anymore!

humans have only one ending. ideas live forever.

you're so beautiful.

how come you're so amazing!

i worked very hard, so... i deserve it!

you're the voice of a generation.

this makes me emotional, and i'm expressing it.

i got us both ice creams!

i think you have that the wrong way around.

how much of that did you see?

let's get you up on your feet.

you should heal up in no time.

this night is just perfect!

please call my mother.

i thought i might stay over tonight.

does the label "long-term long-distance low-commitment casual girlfriend" mean nothing to her?

i'm great at doing stuff.

it is literally impossible to be a woman.

we always have to be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.

never forget that the system is rigged.

find a way to acknowledge that, but also always be grateful.

it's too hard!

i'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself in knots so that people will like us.

i was arrested for tax evasion.

i smell like basement.

what are you doing here?

did you bring your rollerblades?

i literally go nowhere without them!

do you guys ever think about dying?

i'll play the guitar at you.

yeah, i'm... confused about that.

it's like i've been in a dream where i was really invested in the zack snyder cut of "justice league."

can i talk to a doctor?

i need a clicky pen.

somebody get security.

i've never seen the godfather.

every night is a boy's night.

i just don't know who i am without you.

i only exist within the warmth of your gaze.

i'm just a little blond guy who can't do flips.

you guys aren't doing patriarchy very well.

men hate women and women hate women. it's the one thing we can all agree on.

you don't have your license.

you can be brainwashed, or you can be ugly. there's nothing in between.

she's not dying, she's just having an existential crisis.

i'm sensing some kind of ententre here... and it appears to be double.

who am i to burst their bubble?

you use your imagination!

you can ask me any question you want.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

I know you've touched on it in your Gamzee Essay/general alternative timeline post but may I hear some more about your ideas regarding GamTav (or only Tavros)? You get these two in a way the broader fandom doesn't (which is fine, I'll still reblog even the most vanilla ooc art of them) so I'd really love hearing more of your thoughts:3

Ok, I think this is going to be someeewhat controversial, but I think they're destined for pale together, despite Gamzee's initial flushed flirting. I did in fact reread ALL of Tavros's logs for this.

I think the first thing we need to establish is that Tavros actually feels really shitty about himself. It's obvious that his problem is "self-esteem," since he's constantly prattling on about it, but there's a bit he says as Tavrossprite that's pretty enlightening as to where his actions stem from:

TAVROSPRITE: i SYMPATHIZE ENTIRELY WITH YOUR SOCIAL IMPASSE, cAUSING NOT GOOD REFLECTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF, tHAT MAYBE ALSO DOUBLE AS LIBERATING STUFF ABOUT YOU THAT YOU RANDOMLY DECIDE IS FINE SUDDENLY, TAVROSPRITE: oLD ACQUAINTANCES, aND GUYS YOU ONCE CALLED FRIENDS, TAVROSPRITE: tHOSE ARE VERY HARD, TAVROSPRITE: bECAUSE OVER TIME THEY GET EXPOSED TOO MUCH, tO ALL MY FLAWS AND INSECURITIES, TAVROSPRITE: aND THEY START LIKING ME LESS BECAUSE OF THAT, TAVROSPRITE: aT LEAST, tHAT'S HOW THE TRUTH FEELS, iN MY BRAIN, TAVROSPRITE: sO i START THINKING, mAYBE THEY CAN'T BE THAT IMPORTANT TO ME, aFTER ALL, iF i'M GOING TO WANT TO FEEL NOT SAD ABOUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME,

He has a mixture of self-loathing and social anxiety, the latter of which exacerbates the former, as his mind tells him that his friends secretly hate him. However, his real problem is what he then does with those feelings - he avoids them and the situations that cause them. This causes two major knock-on effects: the first is that he actively ends up distancing himself from people who ARE nice to him and DO care about him, only adventuring with Vriska because he's a pushover and she's very pushy (he adventures completely alone up until that point, and winds up sleeping almost all the time afterwards); the second being that, because he refuses to actually sit with and address his negative feelings about himself (or anything else), he's never able to fix them, or remove himself from shitty situations.

Something consistent with Tavros is that every time he tries to make a decision before his death and Vriska-prototyping, it's by trying to rely on something external - whether that's his imaginary friend, his robot legs, or the story of Pupa Pan... or relying on advice from Kanaya, or seeking approval and forgiveness from Vriska, or earning flushed interest from Jade. He believes himself to be deeply flawed and untrustworthy, so he allows other people to make his decisions, and when relationships do get intimate enough that someone might get him vulnerable, he peaces out. Even his ill-fated attempt to kill Vriska is heavily encouraged by Vriska herself:

AT: aND THAT BEING THE CASE, AT: eVEN THOUGH i'M TERRIFIED OF YOU, AT: aND nOT AS STRONG, AT: oR REAL CONFIDENT, AT: oNLY MOSTLY FAKE CONFIDENT, AG: Yeeeeeeees? AG: Go on. AT: i THINK, AT: i AM GOING TO HAVE TO STOP YOU, AG: Yeah! That's the spirit. AG: Pretty weakslime threat there, 8ut it's a start. AG: Tell you what. AG: If you can find me in this la8, you can have at me. AG: I'll even give you a free shot! No funny 8usiness or anything. AT: oK, AT: tHEN, AT: hERE i COME, AG: I'll 8e w8ing. <3

As we see with Jade, whom he's attempting to flirt with flushed, he's actively trying to impress her using "self-esteems" explicitly gained from "fake" things he's acknowledging as fake - that is, refusing to be genuine and vulnerable with her, because he doesn't believe anyone would like him the way he actually is.

AT: bUT WHAT ABOUT, AT: mY ATTRACTIVE BRAVADO, AT: aND IGNORING MY INSTINCTUAL COWARDICE HARD ENOUGH TO SAY THAT i LIKE YOU, AT: iSN'T THAT, AT: sUPPOSED TO BE VERY ATTRACTIVE, aND ENCOURAGE THE MAJOR HAVING OF FLUSHED FEELINGS IN OTHERS, AT: i GUESS WHAT i MEAN IS, wHAT ABOUT ALL MY CONFIDENCE, AT: wHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT,

His "dating" Vriska in the dream bubbles is also dubious and one-sided at best, as John calls him out for faking it and Tavros isn't willing to bring up wanting the Ring of Life because he was planning to propose to Vriska. Thus, once more, he's attempting to use something disingenuous (in this case, a human proposal) to win another person's affection, which he believes would be a symbol of actualizing his "self-esteem".

We also literally see him do the "deciding someone wasn't actually important to you after all, so it hurts less when you cut them off before they can hurt you emotionally by noticing your flaws" thing with Nepeta - he actually quite likes Nepeta, and would certainly have enjoyed having her play the game with him, but he assures her that it's not a big deal basically immediately, and insists he'll just find someone else:

AC: :33 < tavros im sorry i cant be on your team :(( AC: :33 < im not allowed AT: oH, AT: tHAT'S OKAY, AT: tHEN i GUESS HE SAID NO, tHEN, ... AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps AC: :33 < but i still f33l bad AT: i'LL FIND ANOTHER PLAYER, iT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, AT: gOOD LUCK, bEING, AT: oN THE BLUE TEAM, AC: :33 < ok thanks :((

But, perhaps most strikingly, is the way he leaves his good friend Gamzee on read after Gamzee suggests... gasp... intimacy.

TC: WhEn wE Up aNd sTaRt tO KiCk aT ThIs rEd TeAm NoIsE, TC: YoU ShOuLd mAkE YoUr wAy tO GeT YoUr hAnG On aT My hIvE. AT: oH, yES, tOTALLY, TC: We cOuLd sPlIt a tIn oF ThE PiMpEsT SnEeZe i gOt oN HaNd, BaKeD Up aLl sPeCiAl fOr yOu. TC: AnD ThEn mAyBe mAkE OuT A LiTtLe. AT: uH, TC: ;o) AT: , AT: ,,

It freaks him out, and he's never seen hanging with Gamzee again. And this is a huge shame, because not only is Tavros one of the only people who is nice to Gamzee and appreciates his religious beliefs, but Gamzee is one of the only people who hears out Tavros's genuine insecurities and desires without making fun of him:

AT: tHE ONLY THING MORE FLY THAN THE RHYMES, AT: i'M SAYING TO EXPRESS ALL MY MALICES, AT: iS THE ABILITY HE HAD i WISH WAS MINE, AT: iNSTEAD OF i GUESS, THIS EXCESSIVE PARALYSIS, TC: (lOoK OuT FoR ThE HoOk bRo!!!) TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS! AT: bUT HIGH, iN THIS CASE, hAS DOUBLE THE MEANING, AT: iT MEANS HE CAN FLY, pLUS DOES HIGH SELF ESTEEMING, AT: tHAT'S TWO THINGS HE HAS, tHAT i'D RATHER WERE MINE, AT: hIS TWO FLAPPY WINGS, aND hIS BIG HEALTHY SPINE, AT: oOPS, AT: tHAT'S THREE THINGS,,, TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS!

(Compare:)

PAT: i'M SORT OF, lYING ON vRISKA'S FLOOR RIGHT NOW, PAT: lIKE, iN HER BLOCK, PAT: lYING DOWN, PAT: uHH, yOU KNOW, bECAUSE i CAN'T WALK, CCG: OH NO SHIT REALLY??? CCG: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.

He isn't able to do a REAL self-confidence at least until he gives Vriska the bird and flies away, for the first time asserting that he thinks she's an asshole and doesn't actually want or need her validation or approval. After that, he's able to convince a ghost army to follow him using friendship and asking and niceness. Breath powers! Also Page powers! Also actual self-esteems! Although I don't personally hold anything after Game Over as anything more than soft canon, I think we can still see a fairly straightforward character arc reach a natural conclusion there.

But as to why I specifically think him and Gamzee are destined for pale, despite what appears to be flushed leanings from Gamzee's end, and despite the fact that I usually believe what the comic tells me, is because what brief few interactions we see between them are very much pale in nature, and it would be kind of narratively bizarre if Gamzee were set up to have a failed moirallegiance - the quadrant described as "soul mates" - without managing to find his real soul mate after. And who's it going to be? Equius? Or the guy that Gamzee literally says he feels "at chill with" talking to?

Gamzee kissing Tavros's corpse is often used as evidence for his desire for flushed, but I disagree - however Gamzee feels about Tavros romantically, kissing a dead player is how you revive them, so it reads to me - especially given how sad Gamzee is about Tavros dying - more like a desperate act to bring him back. Lest we forget, Terezi also gives it a try, and Karkat kisses Kanaya for the same reason - the reality that their extra lives are gone hasn't sunk in yet for these 13 year old kids, so they must try revival even if they know it won't work.

Moreover, Gamzee indirectly describes Tavros as his "best friend," after having called Karkat that through most of the game, and having an implied pale crush on Karkat during that time.

TC: YOU MOTHER FUCKING KNOW, BROTHER. TC: its the fuckin puppet. TC: THE ONE THAT'S ALL GOT TO BE MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND I GOT NOW. TC: now that my other buddy managed to be having his head chopped off. :oC

Moreover moreover, what Karkat cites as being the cause of their moirallegiance's failure is Gamzee's religious beliefs:

KARKAT: HE STARTED GETTING SO UNBELIEVABLY SELF SATISFIED AND PIOUS, LIKE WAY MORE THAN HE EVER WAS BEFORE. KARKAT: LIKE HE'S JUST SO COMPLETELY CONVINCED HE'S FOUND HIS CALLING, THAT THIS SESSION IS THE GATEWAY TO THE PROMISED LAND WHERE HE'LL FULFILL HIS DESTINY. KARKAT: HE'S SO CAUGHT UP IN HIS IDIOTIC SCHEMES HE COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME ANYMORE.

Which are explicitly what Tavros invites Gamzee to speak on, and appreciates:

AT: yEAHHH, yOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE CLOWN THINGS, wHICH, AT: i DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND EVER, bUT THAT'S OKAY, AT: bECAUSE IT'S KIND OF FUNNY, AT: wHEREAS, i'LL ADDRESS SOME TOPICS PERTAINING TO MY INTERESTS, AT: aND i GUESS, pERSONAL MOTIFS, TC: YeAh! FuCk YeAh, ThAt Be HoW sHiT's AlL uSuAlLy Up AnD fUcKiN lOcKeD bRo. ... AT: dO YOU HAVE TIME FOR, mY MIRACLES, rELIGIOUS FRIEND, }:) TC: Do yOu gEt yOuR NoTiCe oN Of tHe mIrAcLeS AT: sO MANY, uH, gRATUITOUS EXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, tHE MAGIC MOTHER, aLSO eXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, TC: FuCk yEs, HeReS WhErE ThE SlAm tUrNs tO NoThIn bUt hOnKs... TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk AT: HONK, TC: FuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuCk! AT: iT'S LESS APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO DO THE HONKS, tHAN YOU, bUT THAT WAS STILL GREAT, TC: YeAh, BrO. yEaH!!! AT: tHE SLAMS WERE TRULY PRIME, aND, AT: yOUR RELIGIOUS VIEWS, tHOUGH i DON'T SHARE THEM, aRE, AT: rEASONABLY INSPIRATIONAL, AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR,

But also in Tavros's single conversation with Gamzee, we see Tavros stand up to a highblood:

TC: :o) HoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNk AT: }:o), hEH, TC: hAhAh FuUuUuCk, YoU sToLe My FuCkIn NoSe BrO! TC: WhAt GoT yOu EvEn Up ThE gUmPtIoN tO aLl FuCkIn Do ThE sHiT lIkE tHaT? AT: eRR, i DON'T KNOW, iT'S JUST, AT: kIND OF THE OBVIOUS THING TO DO, AT: sTICK THE CIRCLE IN FRONT OF THE DOTS, aND, bEHIND THE BENDY ONE, AT: pLUS, oH YEAH, mY HORNS, TC: hAhAhAhA. AT: mAYBE WE CAN SLAM ABOUT IT, ... TC: fUuUuCk, So FuCkIn FrEsH. TC: YoU nEeD tO bE sLaPpEd FuCkIn SiLlY wItH a MoUtH lIkE tHaT! hAhA. AT: aND, iF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT, AT: tHEN i SUGGEST YOU GO AND RAP IT DUDE,

He feels safe with Gamzee, enough to take a bit of an attitude with him, enough to open up about his insecurities about his disability and how much he wishes he was like Pupa Pan, and Gamzee explicitly states he feels calm when he talks to Tavros, which is the stated function of a moirallegiance.

TC: Me tOo, BrO, yOu mOtHeR FuCkIn kNoW ThErE Be sOmE Of mY EyE's RoYaL JeLlY To gO WiTh yOuR EmOtIoNaL pEaNuT BuTtEr. AT: wHOA, aHA, hA, TC: ThIs iS BeAuTiFuL, dUdE, i fEeL So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu. AT: yEAH, fRIENDLINESS WITH YOU IS, pRETTY MUCH ALWAYS NICE, aND FUN TO HAVE,

And the thing is, trolls are constantly getting into moirallegiances when they want to be flushed (Eridan, Kanaya), having palecrushes when they want to be friends (Gamzee), and winding up flushed with their moirail (pale solfef is forshadowed in the same breath as pale erikar, and they don't seem to confirm a matespritship until after Sollux's actual flushed crush, Aradia, explodes). Especially for Gamzee, who was neglected by his lusus and struggles with social interaction to the point where he feels like he has to hide his real self (casteist beliefs, constant talk of religion and murder, which, by the way, come out when he talks to Tavros), it'd be easy for him to mistake the "instinctive attraction" of moirallegiance for the passions of matespritship.

These thoughts are all pretty disorganized - I'm really sorry, it's super late/early for me and I'm exhausted for other reasons - but I hope that that . was what you wanted? hahah

[herejusttosufferalong]

This is something that hasn’t been brought up in a while but I somehow find myself stuck on it.

The public follow and liking/NYE video. The InStyle stunt.

And then the push of Luke’s team to do the “he’s single” articles…

I really don���t understand it. Surely if his intention was the make the relationship “public” then he could have done so…or even, for there not to be the whole “he’s single” articles - it would have been him having to approve that approach, so why agree when he was actively contradicting what his team were trying to do for him?

I think we need to remember that- there was an anon talking about him resenting N for the attention she has gotten, and trying to distance himself from Bridgerton…. But all the stuff that happened before the promo had really even started, just doesn’t fit in with that narrative.

If he wanted to hurt N, then he would come out publicly because she obviously was on board with the promo approach/would have most likely advised him about not going public because she knew how j was impacted/she has spoken outabout 20 year olds in the spotlight .

If he wanted to hurt the tour, the same thing. But he went along with it, in part…. He played the golden retriever but was able to put out photoshoots with his new image… so I don’t get it… he had control over how he presented himself to the public and could have used this, regardless of what his relationship status was but he seemingly seems to have moments where there’s this active opposition to his team’s advise and efforts…

Any thoughts?

I know most of the fandom believe the aforementioned events were to goad the fans.

L and A were assumed to be instigating but I don't quite see it in the same light.

Even back in January when the general consensus is something was off between L and N he still had a jealousy and possessiveness to him.

Why?

He had a gf, that the fandom was accepting as such, and was seeming to be more open about it.

My personal belief is that things were still casual with L and A once he went into the reshoots in December '23. He catches up with N and they fall right back in line as work husband/wife. Their feelings resurface.

I think things were talked about but N ultimately shelved anything happening between them. It was not the right time to start a relationship, even one between themselves.

So we get the NYE vid, the public follow/acknowledgment of A's posts, InStyle stunt, etc. He settled and acted out.

I do think all these things were done for attention just not the fans...

Knowing this, it could be why N would appear off with L not only in Jan '24 but also in Italy until they essentially kiss and make up.

The articles stating him as single always came out at a very pointed time and it was usually after an event/interaction with N.

You could chalk it up to PR to capitalize on any chemistry between L and N or it could be his way of letting someone know that things are still just casual but in a very public way.

Either way it was giving Mixed Messages

[mrs-stans]

Playing Donald Trump In The Apprentice ‘Was Like Riding A Psychotic Horse Through A Blazing Stable’

By Ben Travis

How do you even begin to play a character like Donald Trump? One of the most polarising figures of the 21st century has, at various points, been a general celebrity-adjacent public persona; a reality TV host; then, one of America’s most divisive politicians. For Sebastian Stan – whose on-screen political subterfuge has so far been of the fictional kind as the MCU’s Winter Soldier – that was one of the biggest challenges of The Apprentice. No, not the business-flavoured series that Trump hosted in the US, but the title of Ali Abbasi’s new film, dramatising Trump’s early years.

As Stan tells Empire, the process of parsing everything that swirls around Donald Trump – the anger, the adoration, the hate-him-or-love-him obsession – while synthesising what needed to come across in The Apprentice was one hell of a challenge. “Working on it with Ali was like riding a psychotic horse through a blazing stable,” the actor says. It was a role that not only required getting inside Trump, but also assessing everything outside of him too. “We’re talking about somebody that everyone has an opinion about, that everyone has an impression of, that everyone has strong feelings for. I had to distance myself from that, but also I was paying attention to how he has been portrayed,” Stan explains. “So I watched everything. I watched stuff that impersonators did. All the things. But I also just had to go towards the collaboration and the vision that I was sharing with Ali.”

The result is a film that explores the moulding of the Trump we know under the wing of New York attorney Roy Cohn (played by Jeremy Strong), dialling into the man behind the maelstrom. “The film normalises him. To some degree,” notes Stan. “There’s a preference to speak about him in a very selective, sort of distanced way. Like he’s this separate entity from the rest of us humans here on Earth. He’s either God, in the skies, blessed by everything, or he’s like Satan incarnate into the depths of the Earth. And the truth is, he is a human being. The movie shows there is much more here to relate and understand than I think we’re willing to admit. And to me, there’s a journey of watching a man turn to stone over a process of time.”

[dearweirdme]

Just a heads up, I'm a Jikooker, but I come in peace ✌️

I really like your blog because of how grounded and respectful you are of bts members. I feel like only reading Jikook bloggers opinions kinda traps me in an echo chamber, so it's really nice to question my interpretation of Jikook interactions with different perspectives (sometimes we gotta admit we're being delulu kkkk). Your blog is perfect for that 'cause you're very chill and bring very interesting points, so you quickly became my fav taekook blog. I'm sorry for all the jikookers who come here to make a fuss.

To clarify what I mean when I call myself a Jikooker, I believe Jungkook and Jimin have a very special bond, be it platonic or romantic, they are best friends and care deeply for each other. They're the only duo that actually makes me raise some eyebrows, however, at the end of the day, I don't know these people so what do I know? ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ No matter who they're dating I'll always be happy for them and cheer them on.

Anyways, the reason why I'm here is 'cause I love Taekook's relationship and I wanna gush about it lol.

One thing that I noticed that's very sweet is that JK is very sensitive to how Tae is feeling, so you can frequently see, for example, Jimin not realizing when a joke hurt or annoyed Tae and JK coming in to defend and praise him. (Of course Jimin is very sweet as well, he has comforted Tae through his hardest times, he's just not good at reading Tae unless he expresses his feelings out loud)

That's why I think Taekook became closer than Vmin over the years. Now, I don't think Vmin is as close as they used to be because they don't understand each other well, but the way they hugged during Jin's military discharge made me remember that despite their distance, Vmin has a soft spot for each other. You know those friends who go months without talking but when a hard time comes, they're the first ones to be there for each other and vent out their feelings? I feel like that's Vmin.

Meanwhile, Taekook seems to understand each other very well. I'm not sure if it's cause they both show signs of possibly being nd, but Taekook just has a natural understanding of what the other means. You always see Jungkook and especially Tae, say things that shock and confuse the other members, but when you look at Taekook they frequently don't even realize the other said something "weird".

Ever since their talk in ITS, it's like Taekook became closer than ever. They bring up each other any time they can in interviews and lives, they hang out all the time and we got so many adorable photos of them together. I see a lot of people saying their interactions are awkward and they seem distant, but I think they're just not the most talkative people in general and are perfectly comfortable with silence, both of them are the type of people to let other people talk more and just respond once in a while. I think Taekook communicate through actions rather than words.

The only time I saw their interaction as awkward was that Livestream in 2020 where they were making those flowers(?)(I don't remember...) but even then I think it was more about their difficulty with conducting live streams than their relationship.

That's it. I hope I wasn't an annoying jikooker

Borahae~ 💜

Hi @moo-mood !

Thanks for your kind ask. Obviously there’s things you and I will not agree on (I’ll not get into it, you know what those things are, I know what those things are, everyone does) but since vminkook-love-each-other is the biggest hill I will die on.. I’m always happy to see that this is something we can at least agree on and find enjoyment in 😊. I’m very much sure Jk, Jm, and Tae hate to read some of the stuff that goes around about them, so to see people acknowledge their closeness is really nice.

[sizzleissues]

I’ve been seeing a lot of relationship content and stuff since the break up and it’s just makes me think. It would be very easy to look from the outside in and say I was overwhelming him. That I was out of control and spiralling and not in the place for a relationship.

but I wasn’t? Not until he broke up that is. I was deranged in a situation where I feel it was perfectly acceptable to be a bit insane. I was in a new city, the only person I knew was distancing himself and my ability to cope with college was rapidly disintegrating.

I never was worried he’d leave me when we were together, not in a way where I’d question his attachment to me. I was methodical in noting if I had a jealous impulse and I did my best to manage it. I didn’t act on that jealousy. He is his own person and this is a stress response to a fear of abandonment. Honestly I felt I did quite well, considering we were long distance. I did have a desire to be close with him, and I did feel sad if he were busy and we didn’t get to talk but it wasn’t like an ‘ooo I’m so angry he isn’t giving me time’. I just, liked him and wanted him tuned into my life. We couldn’t see each other so those conversations or random texts were all I had.

I spoke to my therapist about managing what I could and I felt reasonably assured up to that point that he was level headed and would understand anything. I definitely struggled being long distance and also was generally a bit depressed being out of school but not working and not hanging out with friends. But I don't feel I let any of it reach him. I did tell him towards the end of the summer I'd been having a tough time but I knew I'd feel better once I could see him and I started college and made new friends.

I never believed he would abandon me? I wanted to spend time with him desperately, I probably should have paced myself once we were finally in the same city. I wanted to feel like a couple, I really liked him and his presence made me feel a lot calmer. But also I see now that that desire was innocent and should have been reciprocated. We should have been two giddy people, not one. I felt a bit like he was always running away. Whether literally or not. He said he didn't want to be coupley in college after I'd expressed I felt he was avoiding being alone in college with me. He started dodging walking home together and said he didn't want to hold hands all the time. We hung out after college a few times but usually for a short period of time before he had to run to go home. He joined a bunch of clubs and I felt nervous that he would never have a free evening again, as I wasn't around on weekends. I didn't think he was leaving me but I was afraid I'd never get to see him outside of a school context. He didn't really feel ready to stay over at mine, or have me over.

I realise looking back on it that he was giving a lot of, I need space, signals that I wasn't picking up on. I did ask him to be direct with me but he didn't really say anything until after we broke up and then it was too late. He told me a lot things I'd wish I'd known because I wasn't afraid he'd leave me, I was afraid I'd hurt him unintentionally. He said he felt I was angry with him, and he felt a huge pressure to support me and like I'd be annoyed if he failed. I'd tried to reassure him during the relationship, but I always felt it fell on deaf ears. He just wouldn't take me for my word. I was so overwhelmed myself, I was terrified of letting it affect him.

After we broke up my emotions become so intense it was incredibly difficult to fight every urge and impulse. I couldn't hold back anxieties, I couldn't stop a jealous tidal wave from rising seeing him enjoy himself with other people. I felt so miserable and he was happy and that made me more miserable. Had I been holding him back? It was so much, some of it leaked out. I expressed my sadness to him too freely. I didn't say "I'm going to kill myself", I just didn't lie and say I was fine. If he asked how I was, I told him I felt sad still. I went to college a week later and had a public break down. I was alone most of that day and it didn't help that any time I tried to go back to class he was with this other person. I had no one, he sent one "are you ok?" and continued on his day. He told me in the evening my behaviour had been weird and offputting. I agreed. I was horribly ashamed of myself. I'd never been so unable to stop the tears. It took a dreadfully long time for anyone to approach me, and it was the person I'd been icy to. I felt so shit in that moment because the only person who checked on me was the person I hadn't tried to know. That person I loved was laughing with another girl and a stranger was trying to comfort me. Eventually the course lead found me after that and I went home.

We'd been broken up a week and he'd already switched to complete disinterest. I was just a friend and a friend who made him feel guilty to look at. Who he didn't know how to speak to anymore and didn't want to make the effort to figure out how to do that again. I was in complete agony because he was leaving me, we had broken up and he was going to leave me. But I still didn't think he actually would. I thought he had a bit more care in his heart that even if it were hard and it wasn't a good time for him, he wouldn't let me go. Once the dust settled he'd choose to keep me around. Just a person

But he did. I told him that I'd officially quit college and I probably wouldn't see him again till September but I hoped it was sooner. He replied, see you September. He later blocked me on Instagram and then a week later blocked my number. I'd vented to him, thinking I was blocked and then deleted the conversation. Turns out I wasn't blocked and he'd read it. I told him I was sorry and that he should block me if there wasn't anything left. That broke me all over again.

Idk. He used to be kind.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas! i hoping you might be able to give me some advice?

my best friend and i have been friends our whole lives (i just turned 24 two weeks ago, she's turning 24 in two weeks) but ive been have some upsetting feelings about the friendship. i love her so, so much and i know beyond doubt that the feeling is overwhelmingly mutual and there's nothing in the world that could ever change that. i feel very lucky to have a relationship like that, and i feel bad for feeling unsatisfied in some ways with our friendship? we only ever hang out when i ask to which means i can usually count on one hand the amount of times i see her in a whole calendar year lol, we don't talk much and when we do its usually me initiating (again) about stuff about my life and i dont hear much about hers in return (to the point that, she's having a baby next month (!!) and i only learned their name from overhearing someone else's conversation, i only learned the baby room theme the same way, she didn't ask me to help with her gender reveal (nor did she tell me beforehand (which is genuinely so fine, but literally everyone in attendance was surprised that i didnt know so i ended upset about it anyways) or her baby shower (she also didn't include me in any plans or keep me in the loop about anything when she got married a few years ago). ive talked to her so many times about how im feeling about our friendship and how much id liked to be as close as we used to be, if you're claiming im your best friend how on earth am i not worth being told your babies name? she never even told me names they were thinking of. nothing ever comes out of talking to her about it, she expresses sympathy and gets better about things for a minute but then by the next week its exactly back to how it was. shes always been like this to some degree, even when we were closer, but its been getting unbearable now that were out of school and don't live in walking distance of each other anymore. i know having your friendships tested is just a general part of growing up and im just as a fragile age, but im really tired of feeling like i have to beg and plead to have a place in her life; but i don't ever want to completely cut her out of my life so im trying to adapt and content myself with this new dynamic. but since she's about to have a baby all i can think about is how that kid is going to grow up barely knowing who i am and i dont know how to get over that.

oh my god you are living my life lol

I honestly have been through something so similar.

I guess the thing I realized is that some people are able to give you different things at different times in their lives. And expecting them to give you more when they can't/aren't willing to is just hurting you, you know? It sounds like right now, this friend just can't give you more. Not in a malicious way, they just can't. So then the question is, are you willing to give them amount you are giving, only getting what you're getting, or do you want to put that effort into some other people too?

It's okay to decide to put less into a friendship if you're not getting what you need. (It's also okay to be the one putting more in RIGHT NOW, if you know they need that. Obviously, there are times in life (loss, breakups, pregnancies) when friends need more than they can give.) But since it seems like it is usually you putting more in, I wonder what it would feel like if you pulled back a bit?

Naming you 24 anon

[toonqueen]

Duckvember Day 2: Venomous Duck

Unbetaed and wild yet again. No one can stop me.  Back in the day some friends and I made a bunch of OCs for Mighty Ducks the animated series and this story has two of them made by @fluxchixa long time ago I kinda did a lot of stuff character building them too. Really no one else knows these chars except for ONE other person because I use one of these chars in a D&D game of hers. LOL. 

Also I would write one of the OCs speaking ‘old english’ but in a way my high school self back in the day would. I tried a modern english to an old english online generator and it was crap and not helpful at all. So I just did it my idiot way. It actually sounded better. 

—---------

“Siege! Get that meddling magic user that keeps throwing those blasts down here!” Dragaunus barked out the order. They were in the usual warehouse fight with some of the duck team. Most of the ‘core’ team was fighting the lizards at  the warehouse floor while some pesky magic users were on an up above walkway taking pot shots at them. 

“With pleasure,” grumbled Siege, who was also getting tired of the random blasts himself. Tucking behind crates to avoid puck blaster fire only to get hit by magic blasts from above was beginning to get annoying.  How to get up there was another story though. While Siege was the muscle he was not a complete idiot. When he was glancing around for the ladder to the above walkway he saw something just as good. The support beams that kept the walkway up in the first place. With his blaster the orange lizard shot out every beam near where the blasts were coming from. He found it unfortunate that the magic user wasn’t in sight or he would be blasting them instead. 

When the overhead walkway fell, instead of a magical duck falling with it, something went off into the air instead. There was a pink feathered duck with wings coming out of the dust. In two arms she held the wrist of a cream feathered blue billed duck. Despite the sudden fall, the blue billed duck still had her sights aimed at Siege. She pulled her free arm back and charged a light blue magical blast. The blast was thrown directly at the orange lizard. Lucky for him, he had time to duck behind another crate.

“See, you can’t expect the magic blast to do all the work. You have to put more of your arm into it,” the blue billed duck instructed the one holding her. It wasn’t said in a rude tone though, she was obviously teaching the other duck. 

“Yes, I understand. But please don’t move  much until I get across to the window,” the pink duck had already formed a plan to get to the next safe place. A high up window on the side of the warehouse.

“There was two of you up there? Where are all these new ducks coming from? I can’t keep TRACK anymore!” Siege complained before raising his head above the crate he was hiding behind. He then raised his blaster to fire directly at one of the pink duck’s wings.

“Nina, watcheth out!” the blue billed duck warned the one in flight. With a wave of her hand she casted a short shield spell over the pink duck. Though the shield protected her from a direct hit, the physical force of the blast hit loosened her grip on the other duck. Then  dropping the blue billed duck to the walkway wreckage at the warehouse floor level. 

“BLEU!” Nina was trying to gather her bearings to dive down to grab her teacher again. The fall was a short one though and didn’t give her time to even try to catch the other duck. While Nina was focused on Bleu though, Siege fired another blast at the winged duck, causing her to fall too, though a distance away from the other magic duck.

Bleu got to her feet rather quickly despite the drop she suffered. Between the dust of the fall Bleu could see her student getting caught by Grin. She had already observed several times previously that the muscular duck had a soft spot for Nina,  “I shouldst get myself one of those.”

In that moment the blue billed duck heard Siege approaching and started to cast a shield on herself. However, before she could, the orange saurian had already grabbed her from behind, pinning her arms to her sides. He had cast his gun aside, finding it more important to grab the magic using duck. 

“Got you!” Siege exclaimed as he tightened his grip on Bleu, “No more of your blasts from above. Not so tough when your hands aren’t free to cast, huh?”

“Wraith wouldst be doing the like if he was here,” Bleu scoffed, followed by a grunt at being squeezed tight by the orange lizard,  “Any cunning magic user worth their mana always hath a back up plan.”

Bleu’s bill glistened in a weird refracted way for a moment. She opened her bill wide. From the angle Siege looked down on her, he could only see the top of her beak. What he could not see as he held her was the nice long set of fangs she had. 

The orange saurian experienced a sudden burning pain as two punctures were thrusted onto his arm. Though the fangs were small, they felt like large blades digging in him. And it gave a burning that quickly spread from there the sharp spikes first bored in. 

Siege let go of Bleu. It was more of a reflex than what he really wanted to do. The drop was sudden for her too, not landing on her feet, but on her knees. She struggled to get up, feeling like she had bruised ribs from how tightly the saurian was holding her moments ago. 

Despite the pain the brute saurian felt in his one arm, he put both hands in a fist over head. His intention was to bring them down with a force on the blue billed duck. 

Luckily, his attack was interrupted by puck blaster fire. Siege stumbled back away from Bleu. Before he could go in to make another attack he instead gripped his bitten arm in pain and proceeded to back up more. A few more projectiles from a puck blaster headed in the saurian’s direction

Bleu looked up to see a familiar redheaded duck welding the firing blaster, “I can always relyeth on a fellow lady for assistance.”

“Always happy to help,” Mallory replied in a tone that sounded like she was annoyed, but it wasn’t directed towards blue. She often suffered from a ‘resting jerk face’ physically and verbally.  Bleu understood that, and often suffered from the same. 

With her blaster still pointed at the orange saurian, Mallory offered her free arm to help Bleu up. It seemed like the rest of the team was successful, since Dragaunus and his other minions were retreating. Siege quickly followed in suit.

“Wow, what did you do to him?” Mallory questioned. In the heat of battle she had not really seen Bleu sink her now not visible fangs into Siege. 

“Oh, just a little of thy usual, as thee say here, hocus pocus?” Bleu smiled a currently fangless grin.

—------------

“Well, she probably used some poison dipped daggers on you,” Wraith argued with Siege as he looked through several glass bottles in a case in front of him.

“I had her arms held DOWN. She bit me! That's how it happened! Since when are ducks venomous!” Siege growled as he coddled his injured arm. It was now limp with no muscle control at all. 

“They’re not. That is why I am saying you must have seen the situation wrong. Maybe she had one arm free and stabbed you twice?” Wraith muttered as he found the liquid solution he needed, “Any smart magic user worth their mana always has a back up plan.”

“Ugh… wait, what did you just say- AGH!” before Siege could think about what Wraith had said, the old warlock had jabbed a needle in his injured arm. Without a warning he injected the whole continents into the orange saurian. 

“There, you’ll be fine by sunrise,” Wraith muttered as he closed up his case of vials.

“Ugh. Whatever,” Siege grumbled, not thanking the old saurian and just left the room. He saw Dragaunus  right in the hall by the doorway of the room he was leaving. He just kept walking and grumbling though, not giving their fearless leader and acknowledging greeting. 

Dragaunus stepped into Wraith’s room right after Siege had left. 

“Venomous duck?” Dragounus questioned with no other words. Wraith let out an ugh and a sigh.

“Siege is just seeing things. Or perhaps he is a sore loser that one of the little witch ducks got the best of him,” The old saurian grumbled.

“And out of all the different venoms it could be you just happened to have the cure?” 

“It is part of my job to always be prepared. You should be glad with the limited supplies I have that one of the few anti-venoms was the cure for Siege. He’s very lucky,” Wraith replied in his usual even tone.

“Yes, but all of your little bottles contain saurian anti-venoms. Right? For those of our kind that are venomous?” Dragaunus questioned as he leaned in closer to Wraith.

“So this duck somehow had saurian venom she weaponized. They keep bringing more and more powerful allies to this planet. That is what you should be concerned about,” the old saurian pushed past him, not threatened by their overlord at all. 

“Right,” Dragaunus just gave a short reply. That one word carried heavily the feeling that he was losing trust in his most powerful minion. 

[ask-a-vetblr]

my apologies if this has been answered before, i tried to look for an already existing post on your blog but couldn't find it: but what's your opinion on telehealth veterinary practices? yesterday i saw an ad for a vet who you can just video call and it just seems very strange to me. vets physically assessing (like touching and feeling) an animal is ingrained in my head as the best way to go about things. just seeing a video of someone's pet doesn't feel right at all. what's your take on this stuff?

Hello, Sueanoi here.

The only way I can see it working is when there is a vet or at least a vet staff (including but not limited to vet tech, vet nurse, vet assistant) on the receiving end. They have to at least know how to examine the animal and what to look for according to recommendation of the vet on the other end.

Consultation is a normal thing that vets do. Most if not all vets have experienced contacting a specialist of a specific issue to ask for their help over distance.

There is no way tele-medicine can work without a vet or vet staff on both ends. A layman cannot recognize signs of disease, or they cannot communicate what they see for lack of vocabulary to describe what they're seeing.

I'll give you an example, most examinations require the vet to use all the senses except taste. They look, they listen, they smell, they touch (palpate). They may need to collect samples from the animal to find out what's wrong. These actions cannot be performed by laymen. At the very least, a vet staff is required.

Another example, I am an ophthalmology focused vet (cannot call myself specialist due to technical issue), most often I get consultation requests from general practitioners. They would tell me the result of their examinations and sometimes with photos. They would usually ask for my diagnosis list and what to do next. I might ask for more info, for example : because an eye is a 3D structure, a flat photo might not tell me enough. I would usually ask for a short clip of the eye in different angles. I might ask for more tests like Fluorescine stain (which the other person must know what it is and how to do it) I might ask them to perform some reflex tests (which they have to know how to do) and once enough info are compiled, I can give them the most likely diagnosis and recommend their next plan. If they do not have enough tools, my recommendation sometimes would be to send the patient to me (or to other specialist).

I hope this answers your question.

[bandtrees]

Also Mingus. Of course

SEND ME A CHARACTER!!

MINGUS!!!!!!!! OF COURSE. under the cut lol

Sexuality Headcanon: bi :] it's ourple just like her. i don't think she especially cares for romance or ponders her sexuality much, but in less of an "arospec" way and more of a "forming human connection with her is a losing battle" way. i usually love arospec hcs and do see aro mingus somewhat often but it's just not something i really see myself.

Gender Headcanon: generally cis woman but i feel like if she learned what being nonbinary was she would try and release and trademark her own neopronouns and make people pay to use them. i do also see her being interpreted as transfem sometimes and i think that's a really interesting reading but not one that i actively subscribe to.

A ship I have with said character: ghghnmnnormingus. it's been really fuckin funny watching the tides change in the fandom on this ship - for a while i'd pondered it but never said anything, and then there was the time period where it was considered a weird cursed minority and i got vagueposted about it, and THEN mich came and singlehandedly pilled the masses and now its just, like, a ship. funny how that goes. but all of that talk aside, i just think they have so much potential in, like, every stage of their dynamic. the timeframe where norm's consumed by his completely one-sided obsession (/neg) with her is SO fun to think about, as is the idea post-canon of them forging a more normal relationship and possibly more. they're two of dialtown's most intricately-written characters imo, and it really shows in how layered all of their interactions are :'] there is so much baggage between them and simultaneously so little (with the point of "norm cares way more about her opinion of him than she even thinks about him") and it just makes the final confrontation of ch3 pay off so damn well. listen to nemeses by jonathan coulton it's THE normingus song to me. ⬇ SOOO ch3 norm @ mingus to me

A BROTP I have with said character: god her dynamics with all the mingling are so funny, i could listen to that group of people babble on literally forever. i wanna hear them talk about non-green related issues i want to hear what this room sounds like when its time to argue about, idk, taxes

A NOTP I have with said character: dialtown does not have that many options for edgelord proshittery but i have seen efforts at the one(1) they have. Unfortunately .

A random headcanon: always has some kind of headwear on, whether it be her trademark little hat or other ones she has made for her, or headbands or headscarves or whatnot. it's mostly cuz her head looks really off to me without the hat so i work in substitutes when im drawing or imagining her in more casual settings

General Opinion over said character: the height of dialtown's writing, her and everything to do with her. dialtown is already a good game but it goes from good to great when mingus takes center stage, imo. she's so interesting and also funny to watch - i think "seems silly but actually has deeper stuff going on"-type stories are best when the silly and the serious are tightly interwoven and you can't really distance them from eachother, and mingus is a great show of that as an inherently super tragic but also super funny character. there's not a word of dialogue she speaks where you don't get the impression of how pathetic and overcompensating she is, and that works both for humor and for sadness really well. i also like, in general, when typically "sympathetic" character flaws are played to be difficult or dangerous - in mingus' case her insecurity and desperation to follow in her grandfather's footsteps, and her compassion in wanting to be one of the only people left who still really care about him, it's objectively very noble- but less so when it becomes everyone else's problem rather than just hers. she has this in common with her grandfather 👍

[daynightshipping]

💚 Welcome to Daynightshipping 💚

Wowee I’m finally making a pinned post to explain all this!! My name is Ares, I’m 22 and extremely gay. I’ll warn you now I am the literal manifestation of 30 mental illnesses and banned from most public spaces. As John Mulaney once put it, “I also dont want me to be doing what I’m doing”. I’m ADHD and there’s probably some autism in there as well I don’t know anymore. My brain is not normal basically lmfao.

I ship with Jesse Glenn from Bakugan Battle Brawlers. I have loved this fruit since the moment I laid eyes on him at like 12 years old or however old I was when I watched Bakugan lol. About a year ago I got sick with covid, rewatched the show and fell absolutely head over heels again…. I definitely attribute him to being my gay awakening (even though I thought I was just a really fucked up weird straight girl up until after I graduated high school). This blog is for the ship between my self insert and Jesse, although I may refer to my s/i and myself interchangeably.

What is the ship?

Jesse Glenn x Aires Gallo. Aires is a boyfailure brawler who meets Jesse in Bakugan Interspace and finds himself in love and also entangled in an interplanetary war! Fun! Lots of angst potential here if u know the source material lmao

Why the name?

It’s inspired by the song When The Day Met The Night by Panic! At The Disco

DNI?

I don’t really have a DNI just don’t be an asshole about me self shipping or anything lmao. It’s honestly rare I block anyone but if ur being shitty enough I will 💀

As far as like content and sharing f/o’s and stuff I’ve always been of the opinion that it’s not my place to police anyone and if I don’t like something I may complain bc I’m a complainer, but in reality it’s not that big of a deal and more of a personal preference or something I just need to get over. Obviously not into going out of my way to harass people as long as they don’t harass me lol. That being said, I’m not the biggest fan of Jesse in m/f ships (and just most m/f ships in general UNLESS it’s your self ship or Zelink then I love you mwuah) so, not that I really think anyone would bc this character is so niche in general, dont like tag me or send me that type of stuff. TLDR, keep it at a distance ig lmfao.

Other stuff???

My headcanons aren’t exactly 100% clear and I do like to imagine different scenarios between these 2. One of the divergent paths is where they have a kid together, Zephyr, so I’ll of course post him too. Idk this started off as more of a selfship dumping zone and it still is kind of that.

I have a NSFT blog (gummysharksafterdark) where I do post some selfship stuff too that’s obviously 18+ only.

My ask box is always open, and my dms are too to some extent, although I don’t answer those as often usually. My main is gummy-sharks666 which is mostly Bakugan right now bc that’s what I’m hyperfixated on atm and other general fandom stuff. I look forward to interacting w other oc/canon shippers and selfshippers, esp ones with anime or hobbyani f/o’s, and also obviously Bakugan fans if u care this oc/canon stuff at all uwu.

That’s about it, so yeah

(Art at the top gifted by @ / freaquin)

[bookmuseum]

[REVIEW] The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov

3/5 stars (★★★)

"He does not deserve the light, he deserves peace."

This was an oddly enjoyable read for the Christmas season. Before I read The Master and Margarita, I had zero idea what the book was about and 412 pages + a lot of reviews later I still can't exactly say what even happened here. The Gogolian influence was very persistent in Bulgakov's prose, so I highly recommend reading some of Nikolai Gogol's stuff before getting into TMaM. That being said, I agree with people that it's a novel that stands on its own in spite of its heavy context. I did some background research into Bulgakov's biography, the ten-ish years it took for him to write the book, Stalinist Russia, and the 25-year gap between when he finished the manuscript (which don't burn!) and the actual publication of it after his death. Critics seem to be unanimous in agreeing that the Master is a self-insert of Bulgakov himself, which I really felt to be most fitting during the scenes in the hospital where he discussed with Ivan the Homeless his philosophies on art and the current social order. I appreciated Bulgakov's harrowing criticism on Soviet Russia without actually being too grave about it; the dark humor is good because the "dark" is the adjective that informs the noun, not vice versa like a lot of "satire" plots which I feel fail in comparison. The magical realism was a good kind of wacky (although I wouldn't exactly call it magical realism, but that may be just because I'm more used to its South and Latin American literary uses). I liked Woland and all the beheading episodes. Bulgakov's tongue-in-cheek treatment of citizens "disappearing," private executions, political censorship of the Soviet intelligista, and the air of general repression felt in all people, especially artists, during the time were spot-on (though that's coming from someone who never experienced Stalinist Russia and have only done humble research into it). I think TMaM is a great testament to the political and social climate of Russia in the 20th century. Bulgakov captured everything so well whilst still retaining a sense of wonder, folkloric absurdism, and, at times, tender humanity.

Personally, I didn't like the scenes set in Yershalaim with Pontius Pilate and Yeshua Ha-Nozri, though I appreciate their symbolic meaning and narrative weight as a whole. I honestly found myself falling asleep, especially during the infamous conversation between Pilate and Jesus. That being said, I found Bulgakov's portrayal of Jesus very intriguing, as well as his decision to refer to ancient Jerusalem by an alternate transliteration from the Hebrew quite bold. It gave a sort of distancing effect to the otherwise well-known Biblical places that separated their religious (over)-associations with actual historic (and fictionalized) context. I like that Jesus became "Yeshua," with the name obviously coming from the Aramaic word for "the Lord is salvation." Bulgakov making Jesus' last name "Ha-Nozri" meaning "of Nazareth" specifically was quite beautiful to me, as it places him as coming explicitly coming from the town of Galilee (north of Palestine), which Jesus was said to have lived in before he began his ministry. Instead of "Jesus Christ" or "King of Israel," which are common ways he is referred to, Bulgakov opted to name him according to his native Palestinian roots first and foremost. There's a lot of literary analysis you can take from that, but it's inherently a very defiant decision that I appreciate Bulgakov for making, and I'm saying that as a reader in 2024. Bulgakov, amongst other subtle cultural references, also mentions the keffiyeh ("kefia") in his novel a handful of times, most strikingly in the scene when Matthew Levi essentially curses at God because he was too late saving Yeshua from crucifixion. Bulgakov here is writing almost 100 years ago from where I am with zero idea of the political climate happening now in my world (although Zionism was still obviously present in early 20th century Russia). Matthew Levi's keffiyeh was one of the book's most resonant images for me, even if Bulgakov didn't exactly intend it to be as jarring as it is since he couldn't have predicted the genocide happening in Gaza right now. However, this small link I've noticed between the past and now is just an example of literature transcending time and space by acting as a bridge for human connections. Long ago, one man from Palestine disrupted Jerusalem and Rome's established (tyrannical) order and then centuries later a writer in early 20th century Russia adapted Jesus' story to criticize the cruelties and ridiculousness of the Stalinist regime, and then I in 2024 am reading this as the mass killings are happening in Palestine. Through this one book, three generations -- three timelines -- are somehow connected.

My final comment is that TMaM, particularly that connection I've personally drawn as a modern reader, reminds me why humanities, reading, history, literature, the arts, etc. are so timelessly and universally important. I know I may sound crazy and "you're just trying to be deep," but it really honestly is the truth. Bulgakov explicitly highlighting Jesus as Palestinian in Soviet Russia as a form of political protest and me in 2024 reading this book just as Jesus' same homeland is being massacred during Christmastime ... it's so haunting. The book being finished in 1940, meaning it and Bulgakov's very Palestinian Jesus is older than the "state" of Israel is an even more damning fact in and of itself. Even though I gave the book 3/5 stars, it's surely a story I will remember. That final image of the four "horsemen" riding off into the distance just as another dawn is breaking over a dictatorial empire history knows is doomed to crumble that concludes the novel will stay with me.

[dawl-and-dapple]

Heyyy, I'm a big fan of your work (your vampire Au was my favourite) and honestly it has inspired me to start writing my own fics (I have a google doc with almost 100 fanfic ideas but it's basically the same thing right? ☠️) I wanted to ask if you have any general writing tips or anything special about your writing process? You're amazing, keep up the good work

Thank you!!! I'm so happy you've started writing (the best news anyone who writes can get).

The bad news is that there isn't anything special about my process, besides the fact that it's the way that I write, and it's probably not the same way anyone else does it. Everyone will write and edit differently. I've figured out what works best for me over a decade of writing fics and stuff and attending dozens of writing workshops, though, so I'm pretty confident in my ability to give general writing advice lmao.

Here be a bunch of random tips ⬇️

Master grammar and syntax. Like music theory and calculus, it's not exciting, but it is necessary. The simple fact is that so long as your spelling is sound, you know the difference between they're/there/their, and you can put a comma in the right place, the quality of your writing will be fundamentally elevated. You would not believe how many students in a Masters degree for Creative Writing do not know how to format their dialogue correctly. It's frustrating and disappointing (kind of like finding out a really good artist has somehow got this far without knowing the basics of colour theory). Study up, put commas and periods in the right places, and fear not the semi-colon.

Read widely. Read stuff you don't think you'll like. Read stuff that isn't like anything else you've ever read. Read non-fiction and read essays. Think of your inspiration like a garden; if there's only one kind of plant growing in it, it can't be all that healthy.

Workshop your writing. If you have the opportunity to join a writing workshop in school/university/whatever, do it. The process of reading others' work and building critique will strengthen your editing muscles just as much as receiving critique will improve your writing. Otherwise, paying close attention to what your beta-readers/writing friends tell you in feedback will do just as well.

Cut 'distancing' words. This is something I've only noticed by myself, so I have no better way to explain it. Words like "felt" "saw" "heard" can act as a film or filter between the reader and POV character. If you want the action to feel immediate, consider cutting these kinds of words in your edit.

e.g.

She saw the door open and watched the man cross the room.

vs.

The door opened and the man crossed the room.

Especially if you're writing in 1st person, these words will subconsciously distance the reader from the character experiencing these sensations. I.e. it should be assumed that if we're being told the door is opening, the character who is narrating this scene is aware of it happening.

This is not to say that you should never ever use these 'sensing' words. Only that they can potentially hinder scenes of intensity. Use this advice wisely.

5. Readers typically pay most attention to the first and last sentences of a paragraph. If you want to draw attention to a specific phrase or sentence, there is no need to have it float alone on the page. You might only need to place it at the nose or tail of a paragraph.

6. STEAL!!! Be a writing magpie. If something you're reading does something cool, examine it, dissect it, chew on it like a dogtoy. Figure out why it made your brain explode and STEAL that technique. Try to use it yourself. Don't copy the text itself, of course, but do your best to understand why the good writing is good, and download that technique for yourself.

If you do this right, congratulations, you've just practiced close reading. Now do it again.

These are my most general tips that I can think of right now. The more specific this sort of advice gets, the less helpful I find it becomes, since it's always tailored to a particular person or particular style of writing. But the more you write, the more you'll understand your own process! Good luck, and I'm very glad to get you started!

[poupeesdecirque]

Posting by Queue, or: why I need some distance from my crafts

It has been some time since my last hobby meta blog entry, it had different reasons and one is that I need distance. Like, yes I of course enjoy crafting and sometimes I am like a little child that runs everywhere to show off things.

But it got ... less intense. And I learned I do better when I keep projects or at least details to myself to sit on them for longer. That the first euphoria is purely mine and not to be shared.

Like for my photos I have a buffer of several weeks now. Yes, I know past-me would have kind of hated that. But I learned I do better when I have a time buffer. I do take photos weekly but sometimes they don't feel special enough to get the weekly photo feature?

Friday & yesterday I went out for photos and while I like the ones from yesterday way more than the ones from friday I am not sure if the set from yesterday will get the feature or not as it's only a hand full of photos giving me that certain spark.

Other than that I am a very emotional artist, I sometimes really fuck up my art and hate it at the moment I worked on it, but then, sometimes, after a few days or weeks I can look at it and just wonder about what was my problem the day I made it.

Another thing is that I, myself, enjoy my art. The process of it. And I like to see my blog updating, sometimes I forget what post will go online and then I check the blog and think "ah yes, this was that thing!", and it reminds me why I made the blog overall, to show myself I had progress and that every tiny step counts.

Which leads to another reason why I hold back in regards of posting. Yes, I do share some snippets in my stories over on insta but not always and not all. I sit on over 300 drawings from the last two years alone nobody ever will see, I enjoyed drawing but it's nothing for the public eye. I will maybe go back and redraw some and share the redraws then, who knows?

But wait, there is actually more reasons.

The biggest or main reason is ... i sometimes go really wild on projects. In January I finished so many dolls it was insane, I worked on Cosplays and other crafts in an incredible speed, I have literally no idea where I found the time but I somehow did and doll parts arriving every week did the rest.

I keep the blog running with partially 2 month old stuff but .... to be honest I don't have doll stuff aside photos to do anymore. All I can do is wait for bodies to be shipped (or dolls even) and arrive. There has been no movement since January. Aside Iza getting the shipping notice for our Split, might take a while until its at her place and I can't really start on the Akuma until I got the body (which I at least have finally ordered this month) as colors need to be matched and mods to be made.

I am truly itchy to do something else than sewing all the time, I do enjoy cosplay but you know how much I like sewing (hint: not at all). So to remind myself of the fun I had in the past weeks I have mixed my blog to bless me with some progress I had which was maybe not sewing all the time. And well, the Cosplays have deadlines and I do get some ideas aside purely sewing while doing them, so that keeps me going for now.

Yes, I could start redoing dolls like Alastor or Erwin. But you know what? IT'S ALMOST ALL SEWING. Urgh.

Aside that real life is pretty good at eating me up and I just want to enjoy crafting. Right now drawing feels like stress relief but I hate the results and just scan the pieces and put them away to never look at them again, I have a bunch of posts queued up without any captions, a wip entry of a current project only has two photos but I lack the spoons to actually get them done. But since those posts are so far back it's fine (yes I know drafts are a thing).

In general I enjoy having my art to myself to get used to it before I put it out into the wild as I just recently got reminded I do bad with direct comparisons still and it hits some triggerpoints from the past and makes everything harder, I don't need that.

I literally have no idea if this blog makes sense even, lol. I just am tired of sewing and stopped working on my current project around lunch time and have drawn so much today and I walked way too much the whole week my friends urged me to stay the ef home and at least try to relax. But I'm restless as my body is too stressed (I know it all I'm a certified relaxation trainer so eh), so, have an over the place blog entry.