#but fuck my degrees are around it
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I want to tell stories.
That's it.
That's what I want to do with my life.
I don't care how I do it or what I need to do it, I just want to tell stories.
#don't mind me#im just having the realization of a lifetime right now#like it just fucking clicked#that's what i want to be when i grow up#i want people talk about me and say that i told good stories#captivating stories#intricate stories#real stories#human stories#i want people to look at my stories and see themselves#im#im so fucked up over this#i feel like everything is clicking#like i can't get a degree in that#but fuck my degrees are around it#fuck fuck fuck#this is it#this is what i want to do#holy fucking shit
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Mawin. Hm?
23.5 DEGREES | EP3
#ciize apichaya#ciize rutricha#euro thanaset#23.5 degrees#23.5 the series#the way mawin was following tinh around was so fucking adorable ;_;<3#TINHMAWIN LET'S GOOO#my edits#23.5edit#23.5
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my only complaint about 2005 dw is that we didn’t get more episodes with gung-ho mortal baby jack harkness. absolutely smitten by that fucker
#I mean. who isn’t. that’s kinda the point#exactly what he Wants#im saying this because he’s pretty but also because as much as I think the direction he goes in is intetesting and I love torchwood with#all my heart (as much as it Hurts Me) there’s something so novel about chaotic rebellious pre-resurrection jack#that you never truly get after that first season#like it’s always there in the foundation of his character to a degree but he does end up with a lot more self control and people look up to#him and he’s much more orderly and and all-around not really chaotic anymore (torchwood as a group is chaotic in certain ways for sure but#he himself? not often. mostly only in trying situations or when highly highly emotional)#and don’t get me wrong it all makes sense narratively. that he’d end up like that. he’s had literally centuries to gain wisdom and#self discipline and to learn how to be a proper leader and to become jaded and an existential black hole of a man#but. yknow. I just miss that sexy egomaniacal revolution-leader type jack#anyway. at least he gets to fuck around with guys on screen in torchwood though. definitely an upgrade#kibumblabs#dw#doctor who#jack harkness
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:-P
#how long ago did i watch pacific rim? i feel like it might have been last year but i finally drew this lmao#sometimes it just takes a while. newt specifically gets under my skin tho bc i think his research interests r kinda similar to mine#at least in a broad sense. but im dealing with cyanobacteria which is less exciting to most ppl lol but any fanfic i read thats like: newt#has 6 phds im like fucking what? what r they in? they have to be literature based right?! when would u have time to independently design.#carry out. write and defend for 6 independent projects in different topics by his age?#what as waste of time. i say as a person who would happily fuck around and collect degrees without ever having to get a real job#idk characters i relate to make me a little unhinged bc i do not like to relate to characters lol#pacific rim#herman gottlieb#newt geiszler#newton geiszler#tw blood#tw gore#also i agree with herman abt the numbers quote. physics is like literally understanding the fabric of the universe so like yeah#also i cant draw hermann and i cant see his face without thinking of owen from torchwood who i hated lol#pacrim
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cw // scars
was minding my business and realized the reason why my pc likes eden so much HBREFBHJERF
my pc's reaction to this discovery:
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#HBJERFBHEBHJRFBHER PLEASE WHEN I FOUND OUT#IM JUST ??? HOLY FUCK#but ig it runs in the family to like giants who can toss you around as they please#idk i wanted to draw today but i didn't know what else to doodle HBERHFBHJERF#just decided to doodle my pc's parents since she's my oc with an established background HBREFHBJERF#eri the orphan#dol#dol related#degrees of lewdity#dol pc#eden the hunter#dol eden#fan art#art#mine#my fan art#my art#this was funnier in my head ig HBREFBHJERF#oc#my ocs
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yeah make the disabled girl do unpaid manual labour for you outside in the cold when shes been awake for 20 hours whats the worst that could happen haha
#i dont talk about my living situation much because why would i#but out of guilt for existing in a place without paying money im forced to accept whatever is asked of me#for someone whos supposed to love me unconditionally that fucker sure does force me to act against my best interests#just at a fucking whim because “the garden doesnt look nice like this”#bitch knows i had to quit my job due to physical burnout and the fact that i havent recovered in the last 8 months is very concerning#AND YET that doesnt stop anything. im still assumed to be physically capable of fucking digging dirt to fill a hole#at ten in the fucking morning#3 degrees (about 38 fahrenheit) outside the ground was fkn solid#like i bought a fucking cane because i struggle with mobility#and you already know ive probably done myself in pretty bad because i feel too fucking guilty living here 'without paying rent'#i cover my own food bills and always end up giving money im trying to save because bills need paying#my self worth is through the fucking floor as it is#im just so so scared of being a burden to those around me that i actively harm myself bending over backwards for people who wont love me#god some of you followed me for my hornyposting im so sorry u have to read this shit#for those of u that care about me im literally crying rn even just thinking abt the knowledge that there r people out there who care#especially yall who care enough to support me#i promise your money isnt being handed out needlessly to my pseudo-abusive parent. i am trying my best to save the money im given#at least that which isnt spent on feeding myself#thank you all for supporting me#and sorry for being such a fucking trainwreck im just so overwhelmed and hurting and ugh#:(
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i swear my stepdad is so illogical AND stubborn it hurts
#okay so strap in coz this is a wild ride#tl;dr we have been without heat and warm water for years and i mean literal years#because he refuses to pay off some debt he built up with the company#because he feels unfairly treated (let's not get into this. it absolutely makes no sense) by the company#so instead of doing the logical step of growing some balls and admitting he made a mistake and paying off his shit#he's been looking for a new supplier all over but the deal IS#that he's been doing this with a couple of places before and people are hesitant to even make him any offers#and you'd think that learning about THAT at least now he'd be like. idk willing to just pay off his debt and be done with it#but you'd be WRONG#now he's looking to just have our entire heating system replaced for the teeny tiny price of 25000 bucks#mind you his debt isn't even a THIRD of that#and obviously he can't afford those 25000 bucks#so what's his next step now you might wonder?#well good thing you asked. his next step is going off on ME for not paying towards the new heating he wants#and now that that's not working for him guess what he did next?#that's right. he bought shit expensive 'space heaters' that are pretty much just small little boxes that you plug into an outlet#and he swears up and down that they're going to heat up our house (it's negative degrees outside)#(it's obviously not working)#and genuinely. all i can think of is how much money he shoved into trying to macgyver this house into a house with warm water and heating#and how he blew off ten thousands of bucks he got paid when he retired within the span of two weeks#when this debt could have been paid off ten times over by now#so now you might be thinking. okay tiago. why don't you move out#good question you see. my mom is disabled and reliant on someone who cares for her#something that he can't won't and shouldn't do because the last time he sorta kinda tried she almost died and we had to call an ambulance#she wouldn't eat a thing if i weren't there to cook. the house would fall into disrepair if i wouldn't do maintenance all around#i've set up (functioning) heat in some areas she occupies and i've gotten a boiler going so she at least has warm water#i'm paying off their bills to make sure he doesn't skip on paying any others. i'm buying groceries for them because again they wouldn't get#any for themselves#and finally. i've offered to pay off his debt so that we can finally live like normal fucking people do#and guess what. guess WHAT. he just got mad at me for not adding money to that 25000 bucks pool for that new fancy heating he wants
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i don’t think people give ciel nearly enough credit when it comes to his emotional intelligence/how self-aware he is.
like, yeah— ciel is a brat, he’s a stuck up little privileged rich kid, he’s pampered and spoiled and struggles massively when he’s forced to live without the luxuries he’s always grown up with. but he also recognizes that, in a way that is actually quite mature for someone of his age and class. he’s cynical, he’s pessimistic, he has incredible little (if any) respect or hope for humanity left— but this is something he applies to himself and the others at his same social standing just as much as anyone else, if not more. he clearly connects and empathizes with finny (and honestly all of his servants) because he sees himself within him, trusting him like a (his) brother during the emerald witch arc. he understands where joker is coming from with regards to his desperation to take care of his family and doesn’t pass judgement on him, to the point of even planning to take care of the very family he thought he’d left behind after joker dies. he even seems to have some degree of genuine respect for lizzie, assuaging her insecurities by trying to see her for who she is and not who she wants to be or feels like she must be.
honestly, i think that in most of the cases where ciel is being a full on Brat™ it all goes back to one thing— ciel trying to asset his Power, and take back control over the situation.
ciel is a character who is very very very easily underestimated at first glance by most people who have just met him, and even a few people who know him longer than that. he’s literally a sickly victorian child with asthma and CPTSD-motivated panic attacks, the kid is frail as fuck, not to mention— a kid. the fact that ciel might have something of an inferiority complex is obvious enough even if you don’t bring the whole lesser-twin thing into it, his minute stature is something literally every fucking character brings up upon first meeting him.
sometimes, ciel can use this to his advantage, so he does. he puts on the cute little boy face and flutters his eyelashes and uses other peoples’ empathy against them to achieve his own goals (see: arthur, and also like the entire public school arc, etc.).
most of the time though, ciel doesn’t really want to do this, not only because it’s somewhat demeaning but also because he Does have a reputation to uphold. ciel needs to constantly be both on guard and on the attack for his job as the queen’s watchdog, he is basically obligated to constantly stand as the biggest threat in the underworld. much of ciel’s Brat behavior to other people comes down to this— him asserting his status, not really out of any pride for the title, but because he is a Threat and other people need to fucking know it. sometimes, this means shoving his (and sebastian’s) power in their face until they get the fucking picture and/or die trying to understand it, particularly in the case of more asshole-ish characters like all the random evil businessmen with criminal agendas that ciel puts through the evil haunted demon house schtick. other times, this manifests more in the form of a kind of genuine empathy— you Should get the fuck away if you actually care about the things you claim to care about cuz i will not hold back, etc.
speaking of— in the case of sebastian specifically, the fact that this is ciel’s desire to take back agency becomes even more clear.
sebastian and ciel’s dynamic is one of, if not the most compelling aspects of this series to me, in large part because of how goddamn codependent they are while simultaneously being inherently at odds with one another. this series Will end with sebastian eating ciel’s goddamned soul— i honestly think that even if the rest of the cast eventually becomes more aware of the specifics of sebastian’s demonic nature or their contract, ciel himself will stop them from trying to save him or break the deal somehow, and sebastian himself certainly doesn’t have nearly enough of an attachment to humanity as a whole to bother actually stopping himself from chowing down, even if he may regret it somewhat more than he expected afterwards. yet at the same time, right up until we reach that exact point, they have every reason to need and want to collaborate with each other— something that they do, even if it is with full knowledge of the exact sword hanging over their heads the entire time that they’re playing nice.
i really love the analysis from this post, which points out the fact that all of the three core rules ciel establishes for their contract are perfectly designed to turn sebastian into someone that ciel can trust. highly recommend reading that essay, but to elaborate a bit more in my own words— ciel knows that sebastian is going to eat him one day. he is incredibly physically fragile and aware of this, perhaps even aware of the ways in which he has been made mentally weak due to his traumas, and especially of the fact that he is vulnerable specifically in comparison to sebastian. every single time that sebastian saves ciel, it is another reminder that This is who ciel is going to die to. he is chained to this starving, rabid monster just as much as the monster is chained to him, and one day, those roles are going to flip. he’s not going to be in power forever, and he knows it.
therefore: when ciel is a Brat™ at sebastian specifically, i read this less as ciel actually being unaware/childish/stupid/etc., and more as ciel tugging on the proverbial chain to make sure he is still the one pulling the strings. ciel has a habit of emphasizing the fact that he is Ordering sebastian when he is in a stressful situation or panicking for any given reason, focusing on the language that he Knows sebastian will respond to. and it’s a trauma response. IT’S A TRAUMA RESPONSE!!
what i think ciel Hates, above all else, maybe even more than he cares to consciously admit, is not having power. he can’t stand to not be the one in full control of a situation. he can’t stand having his agency taken from him, not after Everything that he’s been through.
if there’s one thing that watching his entire family be killed while also being viciously abused by a cult taught (not) ciel, it is the feeling of having No power. he was helpless to stop his parents’ murders, he was helpless to stop the cult from violating and abusing him, he was helpless to stop his own brother’s death. ciel connects more easily and often more deeply on an emotional level with the lower class characters in the story because he knows what it feels like to be completely powerless in the face of the absolute worst of humanity. thus, when ciel acts like a Brat, when he asserts his title as an Earl, someone Respectable, or as The Queen’s Watchdog, someone Threatening, when he demands that everyone bend over backwards to serve his will— it is ciel taking back all the power that he can and gripping it as tightly as he possibly fucking can, because he knows what can and will happen if/when he lets it all go.
and there is no character for which this is more true than sebastian. one of the most powerful entities in the series, easily the one closest to ciel, who he depends on so incredibly— but who is also Destined and Required to bring his end once all this is over. ciel kicks sebastian around, treats him like shit and shows him rare moments of kindness and care, all for the affirmation that He is still in control. absolutely nobody can ever meaningfully hurt ciel again, so long as sebastian is there— and sebastian won’t hurt him either. not yet. but, instinctively, he needs to keep testing that bond. just in case. just to be sure.
honestly, i think that’s where the real tragedy of the series comes from— ciel never really grows, never really changes, because he Can’t. he guaranteed that for himself. at his absolute lowest point, ciel lost all faith in humanity and god and Himself. he lost his childhood naïveté, and the ability to believe in goodness in any form. ciel knows that one day, he’s going to be hurt again, that someone is going to snatch him up and chew him alive— all he wants now is the control to dictate for himself when that inevitable end will happen.
#astronaut rambles#kuroshits#ciel phantomhive#black butler#kuroshitsuji#HE GAVE UP FROM THE BEGINNING!!! 🎉🎉#honestly. the fact that so many of the recent arcs have revolved around#1. two of ciel’s biggest most vocal and richest Supporters turning their backs on him and/or actively hating him (lizzie + soma)#and 2. ciel’s acceptance of the finality of death being so Brutally tested#really makes all of this interesting too#i think ciel tries to shy away from human connection cuz he knows that he can’t ever truly control people#(and also cuz they’re the biggest source of potential pain maybe? humans are cruel etc. etc.)#but. i mean it’s funny ofc he ends up having incredibly deep personal connections regardless of that#sigh. oh my dear hateful son#even gave up your own name for all of this shit. you never really respected yourself huh 😔#anyways. wrote all this at 2-3am#the yapplestorms ‘writing more the more tired i am’ habit strikes again#long post#also: nobody asked. but#this is why i don’t think sebastian pressuring ciel into sex is all that realistic to canon#if anything it’d be like. ciel pressuring himself into it even when it makes him incredibly uncomfortable lmfao#sebastian might tease but as time goes on the limits of how far he’s willing to go become more clear#at the very least he still wants ciel to be entertaining and breaking him mentally kinda goes against that#note that sebastian does the same kind of testing when it comes to making sure ciel is keeping up his end of the contract#he pokes at ciel’s motivations when he’s at one of his most vulnerable points to make sure the dedication to revenge is still Pure n Steady#fuck. they really do match each other’s freak to an insane degree huh LOL#could also write more about the parallels between how current ciel is codependent w/ his brother vs. sebastian but eh. another time#tl;dr there's a reason why he takes the name Ciel and always asserts Ciel's power (hint: he doesnt respect himself!! screaming at the choir#sebaciel#eh yeah might as well tag that too
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something i've been learning again and again recently is that tged has absolutely wonderful reaction image material
i've been using these on my priv twitter account and it has been VERY fun scrolling back and seeing them,,, they work so well
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like theyre so silly,,, they fit so well,,, i can use them in any situation,,, and the art expresses it perfectly,,,
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they,,, may have replaced my tmnt ones
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if i had the storage space i absolutely would go through the webtoon again to get fun screenshots for reaction image purposes,,, alas i do not so i will just use the ones i take every now and then
i love the art in tged so so much im so glad i read this webtoon
#tged#the greatest estate developer#lynn misc#genuinely i didn't think it'd knock me the fuck out of my tmnt fixation#not that im no longer interested in tmnt bc i very much still am#its just. on the backburner. cause. tged takeover in my brain#now i have. twice as many WIPs it might be a little bit of a problem#very short storytime i had actually been reading greatest estate developer since around the start of the webtoon#i liked it back when i started a lot it was one of my favorites at the time too#but the severe SEVERE attachment (thats two severes) didnt begin until way later#specifically. A WEEK BEFORE MY FINALS#do you know how devastated i was. to suddenly get severely attached to a media i like to a liferuining degree#RIGHT BEFORE THE TIME THAT I NEED TO FOCUS THE MOST#insane. insane!!! what the fuck lloyd why would u do this to me#i did in fact fail a final but its ok i still kind of passed the class
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do you understand the words coming out of my mouth.
#dd.png#dragon age 2#cyberpunk 2077#it's about the tragedy of the protagonist. it's about the sheer Fucked factor of the city they live in.#you can't save everyone. you are not the hero. people WILL die around you. people close to you WILL suffer.#your friends are varying degrees of shady/shitty but they do love you and have your back if you have theirs#you may or may not be in love with a terrorist who likes cats#(up 2 u choom)#but it is about the FUTILITY of throwing your efforts to the wall of this damned fucking city#and how much it rebuffs your efforts and doubles down on the suffering it causes#but you try. you try because GODFUCKINGDAMNIT someone in this world has to#and it might as well be you if no one else at all#masc v#fem v#garrett hawke#marian hawke#unrelated: there is a Cyberpunk AU for DA2 floating somewhere in my head#one of these days i'll type it out. when i have the stomach for retraumatizing myself abt Anders again
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I don't even know how to start this but oh my god.
Watching Blade Trinity with the fam, as one does, and in the opening scene (which you can watch here if you want. Little warning for screaming but it's vamp slaying goodness) I see for literally a second... A SECOND... or less before the guy gets garlic powdered, his jacket opens.
Anyway I'm not crazy right..? This is the boys n Star???
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Ignore the subtitles ... and the horrible quality but I couldn't stop thinking about it so this is a late night escapade. Comparison pic for your viewing pleasure (just crop Mikey out... that's what I do)
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#this is so funny but god help us all#the lost boys#the lost boys 1987#tlb#tlb 1987#paul the lost boys#david the lost boys#david tlb#marko lost boys#blade 3#blade trinity#like barely but its still a fun little thing#also the Eric guy who plays Daniel/the journalist in the iwtv show is in it also as a journalist#blade is great all around . i mean ryan reynolds is there too and i have a personal vendetta against him but thats unrelated to this#i just think that being mean isnt a personality . anyway i digress#this is embarrassing but also soso so funny#again . srry for the ass quality n subtitles but i had to get this out there#like theres a vampire pomeranian in this movie#and also dracula#hes there too#and horrible cuneiform oh my god. how are they going to real a sentence from top to bottom if its written horizontally.#but thats also only half a second of screentime i just am getting a history degree and Noticed Immediately#perhaps why i was alert for the fucking Lost Boys Jumpscare
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hi for the love of god hello
#the feminist hatred for oda's art style draining from my body: 🤡#im sorry im a dyke im simply not immune to fem law#where did his internal organs go though#okay but if i was an artist i would make him a wooden plank of a woman.#fuck the hourglass standard. you would be able to land a plane on the degree of curvature of both sides of fem law. imo.#i didnt watch that flat ragdoll get hauled around dressrosa for 50 episodes to naturally take on this body type. get real.#+ i do wish they didnt go so hard on the 'fem presenting' eyes. like why does being a woman make your eyes 10x wider but whatever.#let fem law maintain his eye shape#one piece#op#trafalgar law#fem law#dyking
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I swear to god if I see one more person reducing Lute's character to "Adam dickrider/girlfriend/best friend/etc" I'll go insane like do you guys understand what you're doing
#Sobek rants#I love lute&Adam's dynamic (platonically) genuinely but CMON GUYS#She's more than that okay??? Do you not understand the implications of making her whole character revolve around one man???#Yes he is important to her but she's still a person outside of her relationship with him! Her only trait isn't “loyal to adam”!!#She's a bitch (pos)! She's secretly a loser! She loves looking down on others to prop herself up! She's stubborn as fuck! She's impulsive#But can still be patient if the situation calls for it! She's a bloodthirsty maniac! She's ruthless! She's vengeful! She's not afraid to#Speak her mind! She clearly cares about others around her to some degree! And.Yes. She's loyal towards Adam to a fault. But that's not her#Entire fucking character! She's more than that and people need to acknowledge that. I think this is partially why I hate guitarspear (my#Dadam headcannon aside). I feel like most guitarspear shit I've seen reduces her to “Adam's third wife” “Adam's gf” etc etc#And this is probably why I prefer Emilute tbh- like ik it's a crackship but I feel like the contrast between them could bring out Lute's#Other traits and have her exist outside of Adam. Which is something the fandom refuses to let her do apparently#And again I get it! They're a package deal! An iconic duo! But if you can write Adam outside of his relationship with Lute you should do th#Same to her. I can't believe I have to say this!#I could go on for hours but I think I yapped too much.#Hazbin Hotel#◇angsty teen with a spear◇
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Insane to think abt how lucanis and elio essentially went through the same thing but one came out of his prison believing more in himself and his self worth, realizing the bad things he had been believing abt himself were not true and that he deserves good things while the other came out of his with all of his insecurities validated, believing he was wrong for ever feeling hope abt the people around him and wanting good things for himself, realizing just how alone and worthless he is, becoming a much more closed off and, honestly, worse version of himself
#sorry i keep thinking abt how rook elio's arc ends up with him essentially becoming hardened#when lucanis is softened. rattling the bars of my cage#i also cant stop imagining how the people around elio might start noticing the changes.....#viago noticing how elio doesnt look at him for approval how theres this new degree of separation between them imposed by elio instead of him#teia who gets a still much softer version of elio than viago does but again. theres a new distance to their interactions#he doesnt treat her as his older brother's cool gf he treats her like any low ranking crow would a talon#the veilguard who get complete radio silence from him because he fucked off without saying anything the second#solas was thrown into the fade prison. not a goodbye not a note nothing. all of his stuff from the lighthouse gone#luar who gets very few sparse letters where elio just asks them how theyre doing and doesnt even attempt#to find smth to connect each other. he doesnt talk abt what other family they might have or make any comments abt how#since theyre twins they have to stick together and be there for each other.#even lucanis who has the better chance at catching elio sees not a single hair of him for MONTHS post dav events#elio de riva
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cw // scars
delirious doodle i drew at 4 am when i found out after bringing the radio to the cabin and we can SLOW DANCE WITH EDEN!!!!
#fan art#art#mine#my fan art#my art#degrees of lewdity#dol eden#eden the hunter#dol pc#eri the orphan#THE WAY I WAS GIGGLING AND ROLLING AROUND MY BED#eden is my all time fave love interest tbh#begging for more content with eden because i miss him and i want to play with him#slow dancing with eden and he catches us off guard with the dip and i go SCREEEEEEEEE#i fucked up the size diff so pls use imagination to imagine them being a bit ???? well diff in sizes#eden was supposed to be bigger yes because i want lorge huntsman husband#eden x pc
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Don't ask me, honestly don't know either.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/640462a35fcadc15c45e17a0ead75a0e/5d20ce36099520e3-0d/s540x810/2830e5ac4e9671e65d4604c3bd5a65037c7a9ea3.jpg)
This was supposed to be just a simple sketch :(
#fucking around when sketching and this happened.#me: hmm What should i sketch you got anything brain??#brain: You should redraw some sonic screenshots :) also while we are on the topic do you remember that sonic show from like 1993??#you should redraw screenshots from that *BAAM* Remember eggman has a mom?? Fuck the redraws! You remember that she has#an important role in that au you always come back to?#*Brain smack's desk* Finally and properly try to design her for the au!#Brain: oo she should have a metal sonic too but as a personal assistant instead.#me:* makes this* what happened?#Brain*busy filling in important lore building for the au*ah metal sonic should dressed up to match mama robotnic *goes back to lore grumble*#me“ wha?#my art <3#fanart#my art#sonic the hedgehog fanart#sth fanart#au metal sonic#in this au this specific metal sonic (gonna call her lime ) is a girl.#sips tea#why did i make this au with dimension portals and have there be 3 different metal Sonic's in the same damned dimension at the same time???#whyyyy#past me: Oh i think Scourge is real neet let's see what au's i can make with him.#dr robotnik#Eggman's mom and her doctorets degree's (don't think i spelled that right)#mama robotnik#eggman's mom#lime i just named you and made you but I love you. I'm gonna draw you in so many outfits.#trans metal sonic#love that for her#also mama robotnik just kinda nabbed lime from eggman after eggman had picked lime up from storage.#visited Lime free left 1+ Lime acquired.
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